#((I'm going to try changing the times I take my medicine bc I think it's the reason why I've been struggling to sleep))

[queenharumiura]

✍️ + Ryohei

Send me ✍️ + a muse, and I’ll try my hand at writing as them ||Accepting|| @signorinavongola

(Vaguely referencing a canon event for fun)

“Huh? No no, they said they wanted to join the boxing club? Right? I didn’t strong arm you into it!” Ryohei had his arm draped over a guy’s shoulder, smiling at Kyoko with his usual foolish grin. There was something about the person’s answers that made him think of his sister, who had the secret tendency to not be totally truthful about things. It was like how she’d look upon his scar and pretend that the flicker of pain in her eyes didn’t exist. Or the fact that if she’d ever found him nursing a wound that she doesn’t feel a jolt of anxiety as if she starts to relive that incident years ago.

As a good and caring older brother, he knew how to read between the lines of her small white lies. She didn’t want him to worry about her just as much as he didn’t want her worrying about him. So, he was pretty sensitive to when others were also speaking half white lies, but the problem was: he didn’t know what kind of lie they were telling. He just rolls with it and assumes.

That’s where Kyoko came in, following up with people afterwards to ask if they were somehow strongarmed into joining the boxing club even though they didn’t want to. Poor Tsuna didn’t have the heart to tell Kyoko the truth and just told her that he did want to join, just so that her smile didn’t fade.

-

“Yo! All’s great in Japan. Everyone is doing GREAT, like to the EXTREME!” Ryohei laughs lightheartedly, boisterous laughter turning to a quieter chuckle after he noticed someone wince at the volume of his voice. Really, they should be grateful that he didn’t try competing with Squaletta given how competitive he was.

Still, even he had to admit there were some competitions not worth fighting- unless he wanted to risk losing his voice, or getting a certain dude mad at him for ‘disturbing the peace’. That guy needs to get out more and smell the open fresh air. Drink more milk or something, maybe he’ll seem less grouchy then.

Though he may think so, he finds Hibari a swell guy. He’s strong and reliable, even if a bit of a pain sometimes! “Kyoko and Haru are doing fine, they miss you.” He reports on some casual things before he hands over some paperwork to Tsuna, as he knew it was something that she would be curious about. Sometimes, she had to remember that she should take breaks from being the Vongola 10 and remember that she also was ‘Tsu-chan,’ the woman who loved to eat snacks with her friends and giggle into the night on slumber parties.

As he always worried about her as an elder brother over a ‘subordinate worrying over his boss,’ he always made a point to remind her of things in hopes that she can let her mind wander to more positive and happy things for a moment. Relax those shoulders and the creased eyebrows.

[neiveel3llson]

Obey Me! Incorrect quotes

Diavolo trying to convince MC to continue being the babysitter:

NB Diavolo: "What are you talking about MC? You love it here!"

NB MC: "I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome."

Solomon being an old ass man:

NB Solomon: "The dinosaurs didn’t rule the earth they were just alive. Stop giving them credit for administration skills they didn’t have."

Satan for no reason at all:

NB Mammon: "Do I sound smart, or am I smart? "

NB Satan: "You sound unbearable, to be perfectly honest."

Leviathan being depressed:

NB Lucifer: "How are you today?"

NB Leviathan: "Please don’t make me think about my life."

Beelzebub being.. Beelzebub:

NB Beelzebub: "My stomach growled super loud in French."

NB Beelzebub: "I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class."

NB Leviathan: "Bonjour."

NB MC: "Le growl."

NB Mammon: "Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette."

NB MC now that they're a demon:

NB MC: "I am literally evil incarnate."

NB MC: "I’m not actually, I just enjoy being evil."

NB MC: "Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort."

Solomon can't cook:

NB Solomon: "I truly go into househusband mode when I'm someone's soulhousemate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning."

NB MC: "This is a lie."

NB MC: "I'm literally living with him. This is a lie."

NB MC: "HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS."

MC just wants to go home:

NB Solomon: "I think I'm falling for you."

NB MC: "Then get up."

Levi is sick of Satan:

NB Leviathan: "Satan is okay."

NB Beelzebub: "He's okay? He said he was going to break my legs! And don't tell me he didn't mean it, okay?! 'Cause he gave me the mackerel eyes, he meant it!"

NB Leviathan: "Beel, Satan threatened me. He threatens Lucifer every day. He probably threatened Diavolo before breakfast this morning. It's what he does. Grow a pair."

Levi self-deprocating:

NB MC: "I'm going the fight the next person who insults Levi."

NB Leviathan: "I hate myself."

NB MC: "Alright, square up."

When MC first came:

NB MC, referring to NB Mammon and NB Diavolo: "Those guys are dorks."

NB Lucifer: "Yes, but they’re my dorks."

Belphegor annoying Lucifer on purpose:

NB Belphegor: "Lucifer, we have a visitor."

NB Lucifer: "Don't tell me it's our babysitter.."

NB Belphegor: "It's MC."

Lucifer being sick of Mammon's shit:

Lucifer: "The greatest trick the diavolo's father ever pulled was changing his name to Mammon."

Mammon bc he's my fav pookie:

Mammon: "So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?"

MC: "Depends. Is your bed comfortable?"

Mammon: "Yes."

MC: "I'd sleep."

Thirteen is going insane:

Thirteen: "Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices. Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time."

Diavolo is far too concerned:

*after discussing a plan*

Barbatos: "Does anyone have any questions?"

Diavolo: "Is this legal?"

Barbatos: "Does anyone have any relevant questions?"

Satan loves to boast:

Satan: "I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight."

MC: "What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?"

Satan, already taking off his clothes: "God, MC, you’re so fucking stupid."

It probably wouldn't work anyways:

MC: "Here’s the cold medicine you asked for." *dumps 3 shopping bags of wine on the table*

Thirteen: "...Thanks."

Levi and Garfield:

Leviathan: "I once tried to play a pirated copy of Garfield Kart, when Garfield jumped out of my PC! We are currently married with three beautiful children and a summer room in the basement of HOL with Cerberus."

Math doesn't work:

MC: "Which is correct, seven and five is thirteen, or seven and five are thirteen?"

Thirteen: "Niether."

Thirteen: "Because it's twelve."

Venomous or poisonous?:

Lucifer: "If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous."

Mammon: "What if it bites me and it dies?!"

Lucifer: "Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Mammon, learn to listen."

Diavolo: "What if it bites itself and I die?"

Lucifer: "That's voodoo."

MC: "What if it bites me and someone else dies?"

Lucifer: "That's correlation, not causation."

Asmodeus: "What if we bite each other and neither of us die?"

Solomon: "That's kinky."

Barbatos: "Oh my goodness."

:P done

[xjulixred45x]

If you don't mind me can I request male reader who like Akaza from Demon slayer with the Hazbin Hotel.

Bonus: respect woman.

Hello! Normally i would Say no bc My Requests are Closed but you're lucky that i'm in a good mood to write and also i am a fan of this Man✨ 😭

Thanks for the Request ❤️

(to the other Readers, don't take this as something usual, the Requests are still Closed, i'm just in the mood to write THIS for now)

Akaza! Reader in Hazbin Hotel

Genre: headcanons

Reader: male

Warnings: Reader is a fighter, violence(?), hell, slight change in Akaza story so its not a Copy-paste and make "more sense",idk, I MAKE THIS IN A RUSH OF ✨INSPIRATION✨SO ITS NOT PROFFHEAD!!

You were born and raised in the Edo era, in Japan. and it was a nightmare.

You lived in poverty all your life, practically alone with your sick father who could barely take care of himself, but he always tried to take care of you above all else.

You spent a lot of your life trying to take care of him back, but it was difficult because of money, you couldn't afford it. so you did the only thing you could think of: steal medicine.

Obviously many times this didn't turn out well, and they ended up catching you and taking you to be beaten and tattooed like a criminal, but it was the kind of life you led until your father died.

That was when you hit rock bottom, but you met certain people who helped you move forward. a martial arts master and his sick daughter (who reminded you a lot of your father).

And it was the time when you lived better, you took care of your teacher's daughter and you learned from him, you had a good life.

you and his daughter even fell in love!

everything had fallen into place in your life...

until conflicts broke out again.

You don't remember much about your last days of life, it was a cycle of going, killing whoever got in your way, returning with whatever you wanted from your group, and whatever followed...

You just wanted to go home.

but you died before that.

and just as you expected, after everything you had done wrong in your life, you ended up in hell.

It wasn't exactly like the hell you had imagined growing up, but it was definitely difficult to adjust, knowing that you were dead, in this hole of misery, far from them...

but you didn't waste your time. You discovered quite quickly that several of your physical abilities had stayed with you, so you took advantage of them and became a quite formidable demon.

You wouldn't say you were an Overlord, but you were definitely an anomaly to Hell's QUO status, a demon who had become powerful without the need for owning souls.

something very strange.

so many Overlords, feeling threatened, tried to go after you, only to never be seen again...

As for the Hotel issue, I think that Akaza! reader would be skeptical, I don't think he would have a problem offering himself as a test subject for the hotel because 1- there is Alastor, someone very strong, and 2- he has a small hope that the hotel will work and maybe, just maybe he can redeem himself and go. to heaven with his love and his teacher, what he loves most. although he wouldn't say the last thing out loud.

Speaking of relationships, Alastor and him can actually get along in a very ambiguous way, Alastor is not happy with someone who is so strong without even having souls of their own, so he is cautious, but not in a threatening way.

Although there is something these two have in common, THEY RESPECT WOMEN.

Alastor can definitely introduce him to Akaza! read several of his female friends to be more "social" and get possible blackmail material.

Alastor secretly knows of the possible motives behind why Akaza! Reader would like the hotel to work, he thinks he is naive, but he doesn't make fun, Alastor partly understands why he feels that way. leaves him alone in that sense.

...but it bothers him in every other way! using it as an armrest, innocuous phrases, crushing it with things out of nowhere, etc. He always has something up his sleeve to piss him off.

but they can ally if women get involved ;)

Charlie is so so so so so happy to have Akaza! reader as another participant alongside Angel and Sir Pentious! She constantly thanks him for his collaboration and tells him how much it means to her.

Lots of encouragement during the trust exercises! she realizes that Akaza! Reader is not very talkative, and although she does not force him to change, she "subtly" encourages him to be more open with the exercises.

Although that does not mean that she admits the fights, she tries to encourage Akaza! reader to find another way to get out his anger and energy in less destructive ways.

I think she would be the only one who knows through Akaza! reader why he wants the hotel to work, and she is SO MOVED by him because Reader wants to redeem himself and that gives him a lot of motivation to do more exercises.

Even if is sometimes a double-edged sword because she feels pressured not only by wanting to help her friends, but also by Akaza's cute motive! reader.

Akaza! reader is very protective of Charlie even if she is the princess of hell, he is like a bodyguard! or a very loyal pitbull. Charlie finds it endearing (but please don't rip that demon's head off please---)

Vaggie is scared of Akaza at first! reader for his aggressive nature.

She is afraid that he will end up directing that destructive energy towards them if he is very angry, so she is very cautious at first.

but eventually she can relax more and more with him as she realizes that (at least with women) he's not going to explode on anyone who doesn't deserve it. and that in fact he is a good man.

sparring together! Vaggie feels kind of bad that he doesn't have a gun, but is surprised at how tough he is.

If she finds out his reason behind going to the hotel, she supports him a lot in his journey of redemption, more than before, she empathizes with him.

They both have similar motives.

Vaggie really appreciates when Akaza! reader defends the female staff against Angel's out-of-place comments. she may even allow him to hit him.

You two are the main people in charge of protecting the hotel.

Let's be honest, Angel dust at first was just "flirting"/sexually harassing Akaza! reader until he beat him up and never did it again.

He thought he was simply bitter about life until he remembered that on one occasion he told him that "he was taken" and he didn't take it so personally.

After the duet with Husk, he went directly to apologize to him and they were on bad terms.

Angel occasionally likes to prank him like everyone else in the hotel, but he's considerably less annoying with Akaza! reader because he knows what he is capable of.

When he eventually finds out why he is "taken" and why someone like him is in the hotel, he can't help but empathize with him a lot (from his sister in heaven), and tries to be his "Husk" at his lowest moment. .

Even if technically Akaza!reader is stronger than him in every way, he takes care of him in his own way, watching his drink, not being robbed, etc.

Angel is definitely not used to so much respect when it comes to his gender identity, which is why he respects Akaza a lot! reader.

They generally start off on the wrong foot but manage to be friends.

Husk likes Akaza! reader, simply because it gets on Alastor's nerves and because he knows that he won't kick the ass of someone who doesn't deserve it. He knows everyone is safe with him.

He definitely knows about his reason for being in the hotel and pities him, respects his privacy a lot after that and doesn't let him talk drunk.

Husk may get to have his "loser baby" moment with Akaza! reader but in a platonic way, helping him when it is especially difficult to stay away from violence.

They can even have a father-son relationship, Husk is very similar to Akaza's teacher! reader in many ways EMOTIONALLY SPEAKING so Akaza! reader feels comfortable with him.

she definitely tells him things about her past as Overlord to entertain him.

Sir Pentious at first was TERRIFIED of Akaza!reader, his reputation was as a tough guy who went after evil people and Pentious (having his poor self-image) thought he would kill him as soon as he saw him.

but fortunately it was not like that!

but he was definitely avoiding it for DAYS before he heard from the others that Akaza!reader wasn't that bad and was actually quite nice. to give him a chance.

and Pentious did just that. and he was VERY surprised.

Akaza! reader has had to dismantle several of Sir Pentious's evil machines using his enormous strength, and although Pentious was heartbroken to see his machines destroyed, he was also VERY surprised by Akaza!reader's capabilities, even giving me more things to do. break and test their strength (imagine this pair getting to know the Rage Rooms).

Pentious Minnions occasionally go to Akaza! reader when P. is not there, which is fun to see because Akaza!reader would try to get away from the Minions that come after him like ducks.

Akaza! reader clearly notices Pentious's crush on Cherri, and encourages him to do something now that he has time.

(Can you imagine Akaza! reader's Koyuki becoming friends with Pentious in heaven? It would be Epico).

Mononeuronal pair.

Niffty is strange.

but I can definitely see Akaza! reader protecting it constantly. so Niffty likes him. But I wouldn't really say they are friends.

In general, everyone has some kind of respect for Akaza! reader. They hope you can reach your goal.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

Again, this DOES NOT MEAN that orders are open again! I'm just taking a break and deciding what things to write and what not to. thanks for the request ✨❤️

[multifandomhaven]

Part I

A/N: So here's the second chapter of Bodyguard. I'm excited to see where this goes, bc honestly right now I don't have everything planned out, I'm just going with the flow. Let me know what you think :)

Y/N pushed her glasses further up on the bridge of her nose, sighing as she attempted to get more comfortable in the chair she'd deemed her work-from-home space. She was pouring through the files that had been sent from her office, signing off on some of the easier cases - shots, medicines, things of the like. She had secured a fill-in veterinary student - the very top of his class - to administer the injections while she healed.

Her fingers were tapping over the keys of the laptop, her eyes never leaving the screen. She was very aware of the presence on the sofa before her, cerulean eyes scanning over her as she worked. She glanced up over the top of her screen, meeting his eyes.

"You know you don't have to stare at me the whole time," Y/N spoke, deciding the silence had gone on long enough. "I don't think I'm going to disappear if you find something else to do."

John shook his head, his hands clasped over his stomach as he sat. "Just doing my job, Miss."

Y/N suppressed a shiver, distaste for the pleasantry. "Don't call me miss, it makes me feel old."

John cocked a brow at her. "You're not old."

"I know," she replied. "But the next thing I know you'll be trying to start with ma'am. Just call me Y/N. Or Bunny."

"Okay," John relented easily. "Just doing my job, Bunny."

Y/N smiled, happy with her win. "Thank you."

They sat in silence for most of the day, the distinct sound of keys being pressed filling the room. John had finally decided to turn something on the television, a more than welcome background noise for them both. He had turned on a soccer match, something that the veterinarian had no idea about, and was thoroughly absorbed.

A deep, irritated groan filled the room and Bunny's head shot up, not expecting the sound that barreled from him. He was sitting straight up, his eyes zeroed in on the screen. "Fuckin' muppet."

"What is it?" she asked, confused by the sudden change. She glanced over at the television, trying to figure out what had happened, but it was just a bunch of players crowded around, pushing and pulling at each other. "Did someone get hurt?"

John shook his head with a sigh. "No, just a stupid call."

"Wow, you're a dedicated fan, huh?" Bunny asks, her brow furrowed. "I didn't take you for a soccer guy."

"I'm not a fan of soccer," John almost glares at her, his eyes flashing. "It's football."

"Not in America," she bites back a laugh. "Maybe across the pond."

John sighs and mumbles. "Where everything makes a little more sense."

A little while later, after the game had finished, a loud grumble came from Y/N's stomach. Her eyes widened and she looked up at John, placing her hand over the offending noise. Her cheeks burned at just how loud it had been - she hadn't realized that she'd gone all day without so much as a bite of food.

"Hungry?" John's lips curled beneath his mustache.

Y/N nodded. "Let me just get a few more cases out of the way and then I'll eat."

"Not happening," John said, authority coloring his words. "I'm here to keep you safe, can't do that if you fall over from starvation."

Y/N rolled her eyes. "I won't starve from not eating for a few hours. I've gone longer than that at work."

"Not with me," John informs her. "Your aunt is trusting me with your care. I don't take that lightly."

"Fine," she grumbled. She saved her work and closed the screen on her laptop, placing the device on the table beside her. She braced herself for the task of getting out of her seat, dread coursing through her veins as she realized it wasn't going to be easy. Her body was aching and, although not completely broken, one of her ribs had been fractured.

"Damn it," she hissed through her teeth as she raised to her full height. Tears flooded her eyes but she blinked them back, the pain slowly subsiding as she stood there. "I swear I'm not a wuss."

"Never said you were," he said, his lips pressed into a tight line. "You okay now?"

"Yeah," she told him. "It just... takes me a minute."

Slowly, she made her way into the kitchen of her apartment. She rifled through her freezer, trying to find the easiest meal she could, and grinned when she found a frozen pizza stashed in the back. She pulled it out, carefully, so as not to upset her rib more. She busied herself preheating the oven and finding her pizza pan, but the more she stood and moved the more the nagging pain in her side intensified. She was all but huffing when John came to check on her.

"Damn it, woman," he tutted behind her, a gentle hand on her lower back trying to guide her back to the living room. "Go sit down, I can make a blood pizza."

Y/N turned her neck to glare at him. "I'm perfectly capable of making it."

"More than," he agreed, his gruff voice right in her ear. "But you need to sit down and rest. Get back to normal as quickly as possible, yeah?"

The woman frowned, knowing he was right, but not wanting to admit it. She felt a twinge of defiance toward him. "If I go sit am I still allowed to work?"

John's stare was blank and he was unamused. "No. You've done enough work today. Isn't your office closed by now, anyway?"

She glanced at the clock on the stove - it was five o'clock, and her office was indeed closed. She pursed her lips but said nothing.

"Go sit down," he all but commanded her. "I'll chuck the pizza in and bring you an icepack."

"Fine," she sighed, stopping by her medicine cabinet and grabbing a bottle of ibuprofen. "Just so you know, I don't like to lose an argument," she told him.

"Neither does Kate," he told her with a grin, "but she also knows when she's wrong. Now go sit."

If she was able she would've stomped her way back to the living room, but the pain prevented her from doing so. She decided to sit on the couch, which was better for watching TV than the chair, and grabbed a pillow, pressing it against her chest to help with the ache. It wasn't long before John came into the room, an icepack in hand. He held it out to her, almost as if it were a peace offering.

"Don't put it directly on your skin," he advised her softly. "Do you have something to take your meds with?"

She shook her head no, reaching out to take the icepack. "Thank you."

"Just-"

"doing your job," she finished for him, looking up at him from her seated spot on the sofa. "It's almost like I've heard that somewhere before..."

"Cheeky," John noted as he crossed his arms over his wide chest, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. "I'll be back with the pizza."

A few minutes later he strolled into the room, two plates in hand. He had cut the pizza - for a military-trained man a little haphazardly - and threw two pieces on each of their plates. He sat hers onto her lap, making sure she had a hold on it before releasing his grip. "What would you like to drink?"

"A water is fine," she said quietly, a feeling of shame settled deep in her bones. She hated being coddled. John turned to retrieve their beverages when she spoke up. "Could you bring the ranch dressing, too?"

John stopped, his back stiff. He turned his neck to see her, a barely contained look of disgust on his face. "Ranch dressing?"

"You know what ranch is, I'm sure," she said, puzzled by his reaction to her request.

He nodded, turning to face her fully. "Of course I do," he said, "but eating it on pizza?"

Y/N tapped her finger on the side of her plate. "Uh, yeah? What about it?"

"It's a crime," he told her seriously. "A crime against food."

A laugh bubbled from her lips, pain exploding through her torso. She gasped and pressed the pillow tighter against her, "Ow, ow..."

John watched her silently, his hands coming out to steady her. "You alright?"

She nodded. "I'm okay."

"All this over some dressing," he mumbled, his hands still on her upper arms.

Y/N glanced up at him through her lashes, the pain slowly ebbing. "You have no idea what you're missing."

"Fuckin' Americans," he mumbled under his breath, but still loud enough for her to hear, and then straightened his back and disappeared into the kitchen. They ate in silence, watching reruns on the television as they shared their first meal together. John grimaced a bit when she dipped her pizza in the white dressing and took a large bite of it. She chewed it with the beginning of a smile, noticing him watching her eat.

"Don't judge me," she said around her bite of food. "It's so good."

John shook his head. "I'll take your word for it."

"Try it," she encouraged him, holding her plate out to him to dip his slice. "It'll change your life."

He pulled his plate away from her, protecting his food from hers. "I'm good, thanks."

"C'mon," she pressured. "One bite and I'll shut up."

He shook his head. "I've gone my whole life without having it, I think I'll pass."

"A life without ranch," she mused. "What a sad existence."

He shook his head and went back to watching the television as she continued to happily eat her ranch-covered pizza. Once they had finished and John had taken the plates to the sink they simply sat and relaxed. Y/N was curled against one side of the sofa while John sat on the opposite side, his legs spread wide. It was comfortable, Y/N realized, having someone here with her. She didn't think she'd warm up to him this quickly, but she saw what her aunt liked about the Captain.

"So how long have you known Aunt Kate?" Y/N asked suddenly, her curiosity taking over. "She's never really said a lot about you."

John looked over at her, studying her question. "A long time."

"Wow," she said sarcastically, "such an enlightening answer."

John sighed and looked to be thinking about whether he should tell her or not. "It's been over ten years, at least."

"Ten years," Y/N repeated. She was quiet for a beat and then asked, "So how old are you?"

"Old enough," he answered simply. "Why does it make any difference?"

"Because I want to know," she said, tampering down the urge to throw something at him. "Do you ever give a straight answer?"

John smirked and shrugged. "When the situation calls for it."

"That's really annoying," Y/N pointed out. "That's fine, I'll just guess, then. I like guessing games." She hummed as she thought, looking over him. He had flecks of gray at his temples, but his face gave nothing away. "I'm going to say that...you aren't forty yet?"

"That isn't a guess," he chuckled, "that's another question."

"Don't be like that," she groaned. "I'll tell you my age if you tell me yours."

"I already know your age," he told her simply. "Your aunt told me the basics before I came."

"Fine," she huffed, rolling her eyes at him. "Be boring."

John fought back a smile, but he softened under her agitated gaze. "I'm not yet forty."

Y/N gave him a blinding grin, her eyes crinkling. "See, now that wasn't so hard was it?"

An amused hum left him, and he shook his head. "No, but it's so fun to watch you get angry."

She opened her mouth to retort, but a shrill ring from her cellphone cut her off. She dug it out of her pocket as gently as she could and looked at the screen. "It's Aunt Kate."

Before answering the video call she straightened her hair and wiped her mouth, making sure she'd gotten all remnants of pizza off her face.

"Hey Kate," she greeted, fighting the urge to flinch as she saw the bruising on her face.

"Bunny," Kate replied, seated in her office. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling better," Y/N smiled softly, touched by her aunt's concern. "I managed to squeeze in a little work today."

"Don't overdo it, you're supposed to be resting," Kate warned her seriously. "Is everything going okay with John?"

John eyed the phone at the mention of his name. "Everything's fine, Laswell."

"Good to hear," Kate replied. "I'm glad everything is going smoothly."

Y/N took a deep breath, not wanting to ask but needing an answer at the same time. "Have you found out anything about the men who attacked me?"

"Not yet," Kate told her. "Just give me time, Bunny. I will find them."

Y/N's heart beat rapidly, she felt it in every nerve in her body. She swallowed down her anxiety and gave her aunt a small, forced smile. "I know you will."

"I'll call you back when I get more news," Kate assured her. "Get some rest, okay?"

Y/N promised and disconnected the call. She stared at her phone, her mind racing - she had made a conscious effort not to think about the violence that had been inflicted on her just a day prior, trying to push it from her mind completely. She didn't want to live in fear, and while it hadn't been easy she'd managed.

Work and the man beside her had kept her thoughts busy, but now...

"What's going on in that head of yours, eh?" John asked her, genuinely curious. "You haven't been this quiet all evening."

She sighed, picking at her cuticles. "Just thinking."

"Vague answer," he replied.

She looked at him through the corner of her eye. "Like you have any room to talk."

"Touche," John smiled at her. "Really, what are you thinking?"

"I just hope we get them," she admitted quietly. "I don't like feeling vulnerable. Scared in my own home, scared to go to work."

"That's why I'm here," John said, his eyes softening. "I won't let them hurt you, not again."

[arvadthecursed]

Hi everyone. This isn't an easy post to make, but it needs to be done.

I have decided to rehome Stella.

There's a lot I haven't told you guys about the situation with her. I was worried you'd think I was disgusting, a slob, a pig. But I want to give you all the context for this decision.

About two months ago, my parents decided to try and see if using a crate upstairs would help Stella acclimate better, by giving her a safe spot where the boys couldn't get to her. This was a disaster.

Stella quit using her litter box entirely. At first I was worried she had another blockage, so I took her to the vet. She was slightly constipated so she got some medicine. I thought that might help.

I had bought an air mattress a few weeks previously, as Stella had urinated on my mattress and I was concerned I couldn't use it anymore. Stella used my air mattress as a place to use the bathroom. It got worse from there.

I will spare you all the details. But over the course of the last month and a half, my room was basically destroyed. Besides the air mattress, my actual mattress is completely ruined. I'd thought I might be able to save it, but she urinated on it several more times as well as had BMs on it. I had posted pictures of her in my yarn cubby, thinking if was cute at the time. That yarn is ruined, and the cubby is, too. And my carpet will have to be replaced from how she used it. There is basically no way to salvage my room as it is.

She has had behavioral issues like this before, where I did something that upset her and in response she would use the bathroom on, usually, my bed -- but never this drastic. Each time I would clean up, try to fix what I'd done, and accept that this was part of my life now.

I paid my sister to clean my room for me, which she did and I'm grateful, I couldn't even think about my room without crying bc of how awful it was -- but my room is still a disaster zone. I can't sleep in there because it smells like, well, a litter box, and that will make me sick. It's a vicious cycle. I can't be down there too long to try and fix her behaviors, so her behaviors continue.

I have accepted that I can't give Stella what she needs here. I can't care for her like she needs.

I have spent more than $1500 on her vet bills, I've tried changing her litter box and litter multiple times. I bought a stainless steel water fountain for her because I was worried she wasn't drinking enough water. I have read countless articles, watched videos, consulted my vet over and over. I was worried it was a health problem bc she has struggled with those. But... It's a behavior. And it's a behavior I cannot cope with.

I've spent the last month and a half trying to cope. I've been spending time with her as much as possible and as much as I can tolerate. I've tried to redirect her behaviors. And I have to accept that I can't do this anymore.

Stella deserves far better, someone who can be with her all the time (or close to it) in a household where she's the only animal and can be the focus of attention.

It breaks my heart. It really does. I've cried every day for the last several days. I've second-guessed myself, I've beat myself up. In some ways, I feel like I'm failing her, like I'm giving up on her. But I have to do what's right for her, and I can't be what she needs.

I'm going to be contacting a few rescues on Monday to see if they can take her or recommend a foster. I don't want her going back into a shelter. At her age, with her health problems, that would be a death sentence, and I can't do it to her. She spent more than 7 years of her life in a shelter. I don't want her to have to go back.

I'm sorry. I know this is heavy, and it's not what anyone wants to hear. I feel horrible about this. Like I said, there's part of me that feels like I have completely failed her. But I know I can't give her what she needs. It breaks my heart into pieces and I'm starting to cry writing this post.

I didn't want to just stop posting about her and you guys not know what happened. I am going to make sure she goes into good hands, to someone who can care for her like she needs to be cared for. And in my own selfish way, I needed to vent, bc I have cried so much over the last month and a half as months of my items being used as a litter box has worn me down -- especially not being able to sleep in my own bed for several months now, and my room for the last month and a half.

I will let you all know when I find her somewhere/someone to care for her.

I will likely not be replying to anything on this post or ask about it, at least not for the time being. My heart hurts. It feels heavy in my chest whenever I think about her. I need time to heal and process this. I do not make this decision lightly at all.

Thank you for reading.

Millie

[lime-sketches114]

Welp...FF7 Rebirth came out and ummm....I have this ship with an OC called Raven and I put her with Sephiroth...Ravenroth??? Idk

I'm debating on what prompt to do them with but we'll see with the actual story. This may also tie into a painting I did~

(they also have a kid named Mercury, he's a sweetie and I made Sephiroth a sister named Seri...yay) (Mercury is not in this story but Seri is!)

Without further adoooo let's get started.

May I Have This Dance?

Rating/Warning: minimal stuff but also AWWWWW

★★★★★

Ever since I can remember, I've always been by his side. Sephiroth. The Golden Child of SOLDIER. Ever since we were young we'd be teamed up together. He was there when my father died in that freak accident. There i remained in SOLDIER. Even as a First Class rank I didn't care much for the formalities or the perks of being this popular. I always thought myself a medic and only that.

Genesis or Angeal will always tease us as teenagers. Teasing about dating, who would win in a fight, best aim, you name it. As the years passed by, I found myself trying to answer why. It had been years since Genesis and Angeal disappeared and I still hear their voices egging me on. I had things, priorities, to attend to, especially one that was his very sister, Seri.

"Raven!!! What do you mean you're not coming to the company ball?! Everyone will be there!" Seri whined as I checked her vitals on the screen and took some tests.

"I told you Seri, I have my duties to the hospital and you. Sephiroth will have a conniption, you know he doesn't dance anyways" I replied.

"well I'm going with Zack! He invited me in Aerith's place because of her circumstances! She insisted!" She fussed as she crossed her arms.

"Oh are you? Then I guess I have no choice~" I rolled my eyes playfully as I gave her medicine and a change of clothes from her closet and helped her put them on.

"Yay! Dress shopping!!!" Seri squealed. I helped her onto her wheelchair and we walked to the elevator to get to the bottom floor.

We walked along the streets of Midgar to a dress shop nearby. I was never really into girly stuff even as a kid. The only girly thing I wear is earrings bc my face still says masculine. I guess looking more like my father was half of a good thing. I'm glad I developed nicely up top and got ass for days. My dad would try and get me to wear hair berets or make up to make me look more feminine but I was a part of SOLDIER. I couldn't/it would run or snag in the field.

Seri and I walked through all the clothing racks. Seri picked out a few dresses her size. She kept on pointing to other dresses that might look good on me but none were speaking to me. Seri started scanning the whole store. I know those eyes too well, just like her brother's, always on target and ready to pounce. Then she grabbed a dark colored dress and snuck it under her picks, thinking she was sneaky. I only caught a glimpse of the color but not the style. I was worried but not in a scared way.

As we made our way to the changing rooms, she picked out a cute pink dress because she told me Aerith liked pink and wanted to respect her favorite color. Seri really has grown fond of both Zack and Aerith these past few years. I've never seen her this excited unless it was Sephiroth coming home to take her to a fancy dinner and toy shopping. She's 7 years younger than him yet they're both a spitting image of each other. They definitely are siblings.

I remember the day my father showed us her, so small and frail. It was devastating to see her health decline when she reached 10 years. My dad did so much for her, even as he got up in age, he was like a father to her. His death put a toll on all of us, I stayed with Shinra because I had nowhere else to go. That's when I became on call for SOLDIER and mostly full time at the Hospital. I made a promise to my dad and myself.

Seri showed off her dresses and then from underneath she revealed the dress she swiped for me. It was a long sleek slender gown with a slit up the leg that stops at the thigh and has one strap. It was a dark blue with shimmers.

"oh no...that's no me..." I deflected.

"Come on Raven just try it on! You never wear dresses so how can you know?!" Seri pouts and shoved the dress and shoved me into the changing room, "imma go find ya shoes! Be right back!" With those parting words she wheeled herself away and I was alone. In the changing room. With a floor to ceiling mirror...

I placed the dress over me to get a feel then I started to undress from my uniform into this dress. Once it was on I saw myself. My figure helped but I had muscle. Was that sexy? Appealing? I even posed with my leg out the slit.

"Raven! I'm back with shoes!" Seri snapped me out my thoughts and shoved the shoe box under the door. I looked inside. They were black high heels...

"You sure about this Seri?" I called out.

"trust me!!!" Seri giggled.

I gulped and tried on the shoes. I looked at myself again and was amazed. Everything...matched me... Was Seri some kind of fashion genius? Maybe those fashion magazines around the hospital didn't help.

"come on out I wanna seeeeee!!!" Seri whined and scooted her wheelchair back.

I opened the door and revealed myself. The look on Seri's face said it all. She looked like she saw an angel.

"you look...amazing!!!!" She took a picture with her phone. "Sephi will FLIP when he sees you in this dress!!!"

"you think so?" I blushed.

"I know so! And with your silver earrings to match him it'll be perfect!!! Zack is already matching me with a pink tie already. He is not scared of pink!" Seri laughed.

I smiled, "then I'll get this dress. And maybe a necklace for both of us"

I quickly got unchanged and went to go pick out some necklaces. I got matching silver bang necklaces for us. I paid for the shopping spree and we headed on home to the apartment. Only god knows what will happen tonight...

---------------

The ballroom of the venue was packed with higher ups and other important people. I adjusted my dress. My hair and make up fixed up to match my dress. I touched my necklace and took a deep breath and walked into the venue. Seri already left earlier with Sephiroth for the venue. She was adamant Sephiroth doesn't see me get dressed in my pretty gown. My heels clicked along the floor as my presence started to turn heads and unwanted whispers. Why am I so nervous?

Then I saw Seri and Zack talking it up in the SOLDIER section of the venue with our names on the tables on the outside of the dancefloor.

"well look who decided to show up!!" Zack chuckled, "you look pretty good in a dress and is that a clutch?!"

"yes Zack...and you look stunning in that suit. Really brings out your eyes" I teased. Zack's cheeks turned pink. "And your cheeks~"

Seri chuckled, "he at least has some good dance moves."

"Seri where is your brother?" I asked.

"over there next to the corporates and higher ups. He's been sipping champagne for an hour with them..." She pointed.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to them. The drunken fools started whistling at my appearance. I deflected their looks and focused on Sephiroth.

"Look who finally decided to wear make up after so long" Sephiroth commented as he left the drunken old men to come to me.

"you don't look half bad yourself" I adjusted his blue tie. I knew Seri would make him match me.

"Shall we go out to the balcony? Away from these fools and noise?" He suggested. I gladly accepted and we walked outside.

"I'm so used to the sound of the battlefield and hospital. Yet I always get nervous around other people." I chuckled. "At least Seri and Zack are having a great time."

Sephiroth chuckled and held Raven close, "who says we can't have our own fun out here? May I have this dance?"

I blushed and smiled, "you may" he soon pulled me in and we began slow dancing on the balcony to the muffled music of the ballroom. The moon shines full and bright above us.

We swayed back and forth and he spun me a few times. I knew he wasn't much for dancing but he learned to cheer me up when we were teenagers. He knew my father loved to dance with me. Even Genesis and Angeal got on the bandwagon. They were all my best friends. Well now I only have Sephiroth. Ever since we were young we were glued to the hip, even in battle we had each other's backs.

My heart started pounding faster at the thought of feelings for Sephiroth. Are we allowed? I'm not in SOLDIER anymore by default but I work with Seri now so it might be?

"you're making that face again~" Sephiroth spoke softly and snapped me out of my thoughts.

"what face?"

"the cute face you make when you're deep in thought or worried." Sephiroth smirked. Cute? Cute?!

"oh...sorry..." I chuckled embarrassingly.

"don't be sorry, I like it, besides you're beautiful tonight. Seri picked out a nice dress" he placed a hand on my hip, trailing his fingers against my exposed back, "and don't worry about the muscles, I like that about you, you're not dainty or fragile like Seri. Strong and stubborn."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, "you think so?"

"I know so" Sephiroth placed his other hand on my hip, leaning in closer to where we're almost nose to nose.

"I'm glad you said that, because I like a man who can keep me on my toes and always had my back for the past 25+ years" I stared into his eyes as the moonlight hit them.

"then I'll hold you to it for the rest of our lives. You've done too much to just be rewarded once" he leaned in closer.

"it's a promise" I closed the gap and kissed him. We held each other. He lifted me a bit to get one last jab at the toes statement. His chapped lips were soft and his hair was like silk. He even put it up for once in a low pony with a small braid.

We separated with a few good breaths between us. Was dad always right that I might end up with Sephiroth? I don't care, if it is true, I know where my heart lies tonight. It's definitely with him. Soon we were surprised to see Seri and Zack. Seri looked like she was about to lose it at the fact we finally kissed. Zack was dumbfounded that Sephiroth knew how to be romantic.

"I did it! I knew you guys would come out here! And you kissed!!!!" Seri squeaked out giggles and stumbled to her brother and I.

Sephiroth held her steady, "I guess your constant nagging about me staring and smiling paid off, little sister."

Seri smiled, "it's only a matter of time till I hear wedding bells! I wanna be the maid of honor! Can we invite Aerith?! Cloud?!"

"Slow down Hyperactive Kitten, it'll be way down the line for that possibility. What if we just eloped?" I chuckled.

"don't care! I still get wedding bells!" Seri smiled as Sephiroth twirled her around in his arm. She brought him so much joy. I don't remember a day where he tried to visit her and play with her, even being a muse for her paintings. She loved him just as much.

"maybe once I retire, we'll see about that" Sephiroth smiled.

Zack gasped, "you're leaving me all alone no fair! It'll just be me and Cloud!" He pouted playfully.

I laughed at his expression and we had a fun night for the rest of the evening. My feet were sore and tired from dancing. At the apartment I helped Seri get ready for bed and hung her cute dress up for her to look at in her room. I made my way to the other bedroom and got undressed into pajama shorts and a tank top. I wiped off all my make up.

Sephiroth was just in sweatpants as he looked at me with soft eyes. I walked to him and gave him another kiss. Memories of sharing a tent or a bed together on trips, even into older age, came into my mind. Entangling our bodies together to stay warm. Him placing his head on mine. Even in uniform it was comfy. Like we were two sides of one coin. We laid down in the large bed, embracing each other, with me laying my head on his chest. Listening to his strong heart. His strong arm wrapped around my figure. My olivey complexion is a clear difference from his pale skin.

"Goodnight Sephiroth" I yawned softly.

"Goodnight Raven...I love you" He smiled.

"I love you too"

[crystalsnow95z]

hi love, i missed your fics❤️i had a request for you!

jimin & hoseok go live together after a concert and jimin can’t stop sneezing bc of his allergies. (add your little bless you commentary pls it’s so cute😔)

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you like them, I'm sorry I disappeared for a bit but I think I fixed my mental state enough to write again 😅 for the first time in a month and a half I'm actually decently happy with this one.

In case you missed it in the request..

Warning: sneeze content

"I love you! I'll see you tomorrow!" Namjoon calls ad the seven boys slowly disappeared underneath the stage.

Jimin tried to speak, but the itch in his nose he's been trying to ignore all concert was building up, so he opted to make a heart above his head instead, scrunching his nose to try to hold the sneeze in for a few seconds longer.

"Eh..heh'tichi!" Jimin sneezes as soon as the lift drops him out of sight of Army sniffling to stop his nose from dripping. "Heh'hehitchi!" The sneezes he was holding back hit him all at once, Hoseok wrapping an arm around him to keep him from falling while the lift drops to the floor. "He..heheigh!"

"Aiigo..Bless you..are you sure you aren't sick, Jiminie?" Hoseok asks Jimin, rubbing the back of his neck. "You don't feel warm.."

"I'm fine, hyung. Staff already checked..che..sh..tich!" Jimin sneezes again, rubbing his finger across his nose. "I saw a doctor this morning before the concert. There's something about the air here that's setting off my allergies.."

"Did you take any medicine?" Hoseok asks, searching for a tissue for Jimin's runny nose, bringing him the box.

"Thanks hyung.. I don't understand..I'm usually not allergic to pollens.." Jimin blows his nose, sniffling again. "Yeah. I did before the show, but it really started wearing off during dope. I almost sneezed during my part..it was awful.. my nose itched so much.." he complains, his breath hitching for another sneeze that doesn't come. "Ugh.. I promised Army I would do a live tonight because I didn't join you guys for the live in Amsterdam."

"Army will understand if you aren't feeling well and skip it until you feel better." Hoseok reassures him, rubbing his dongsaeng's neck.

Jimin doesn't answer right away, trying to tickle the painful sneeze out of him, his breath hitching once more. "Heh..heiycvh!"

"Bless you.. Jiminie you don't need to force.." Hoseok starts, but Jimin interrupts him.

"No, no they'll only worry if they noticed I was sneezing a lot on stage then don't keep my promise. I want to at least expl..ah..heh'tichiu!" Jimin sneezes into the tissue, trying to clean up the mess that dripped from him.

"Are you sure you're okay Jiminie?" Namjoon asks, offering Jimin some water. "You've been sneezing quite a bit today.."

"Jiminies having issues with his allergies..I noticed there's a lot of plants I've never seen before by the hotel and stadium. Maybe one of those are setting them off." Hoseok explains for Jimin when he notices Jimin's face contorting as another sneeze builds.

"Heh'heh..ktchitxh!" Jimin stops fighting the sneeze when Hoseok finished talking, taking the water Namjoon offered. "Thanks Hyung.. all this sneezing is starting to hurt my throat..I'm surprised Taehyung-ah doesn't lose his voice when he sneezes.."

"Bless you.. make sure you wear a mask when you aren't singing to try to reduce the pollen that you breathe in.." Namjoon tells him with concern. "I'll ask staff to get you one with a filtering system."

"Thanks hyung.." Jimin takes a drink of water, trying to soothe his scratchy throat."Jungkookie seemed pretty sniffly today too. You should get..h..hey..iyfxh!' Another sneeze erupts from Jimin.

"I'll make sure he gets checked, too. Hopefully, it's just allergies for him too." Namjoon leaves to check on Jungkook.

"Go get changed so you can go home. I'll join you for a quick live session, okay, Jiminie. It'll be easier to do a live with another person with you." Hoseok offers.

"Thanks, hyungie. That'd be great."

Jimin followed Namjoon's advice, pulling up his mask as soon as they pulled up to the hotel, but he swore that whatever was setting off his allergies were still penetrating through the mask, causing an unbearable itch at the bridge of his nose.

Hoseok leads him inside, quickly using his key card to open the door to the hotel keeping his arm around Jimin's shoulder.

"He..he'hitch.." Jimin sneezes, grimacing when he feels the liquid drip down his nose and soak into the mask. "Eugh.." Jimin sniffles unhappily, not wanting to remove it until he was safely in the hotel room.

"Bless you Jimin-ah.. the medicine will kick in soon.. we can stay live until the sneezes settle down, but you should sleep after." Hoseok leads him to his room, fighting back a yawn.

"It's okay if you get tired, hyung. You can leave whenever you..he..geychi!"

"Bless you.." Hoseok says sympathetically.

"I can do it on my own or ask Jungkookie or Taehyungie to do it if you're tired.." Jimin digs out his key to his room.

"I'm not tired, Jiminie. I'm hungry..don't worry about me. Let Taehyungie and jaykay sleep. Those two were already falling asleep on the ride home." Hoseok reassures him, going into Jimin's bathroom to get a washcloth, wetting it and returning to Jimin, wiping his face clean. "Your nose is still so red, baby."

"Hyung that tick..eh..heh'tichi! Heyh..hitdhu!" Jimin sneezes, quickly backing up to avoid sneezing on Hoseok.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it worse.." Hoseok apologizes, giving Jimin the wet cloth.

"Heh'itchiiugh...it's okay.." Jimin sniffles, wiping his face.

"Bless you.." Hoseok goes to the humidifier at the side of Jimin's bed, hoping it would help. "I'm going to make food, do you want anything?"

"I'd like some ramen.. something a little spicy to help clear my nose." Jimin starts setting up for the live, adjusting his phone so both him and Hoseok could be in frame.

"Alright, coming right up. You can start without me while I cook."Hoseok starts boiling water for them.

Jimin goes to speak, but ends up sneezing instead. "Heh..heditxxchu!"

"Bless you Jimin-ah. I'll make you some tea too." Hoseok searches for teabags in the kitchen.

"I'm going to fix up my make up first.." Jimin goes into the bathroom, blowing his nose once more before trying to use some concealer to lessen the redness. "Ugh..my eyes are a bit puffy..and I look like Rudolph..!"

Hoseok giggles when he hears Jimin whining at his reflection. "You still look cute." He calls to him, reassuring the younger boy about his insecurities. "Army will still think you're adorable too."

You're just saying that..I'll just do what i can to cover it up, maybe if i dont sit too close to the camera no one will notice. Jimin finishes up his face just as Hoseok gets the noodles into the living room. "Foods done?"

"Yeah, but it's still super hot. I burnt my mouth trying it.." Hoseok warns, sipping some water to try to soothe his tongue.

"I'll be sure to..to..hyh..heh'tichi!" Jimin sneezes, sighing irritably. "That one hurt..:

"Bless you.. Are you okay?" Hoseok asks, concern etched on his face.

"Yeah.. I'm okay.. are you ready for the live?" Jimin checks the angle once more before sitting down next to Hoseok.

"Ready when you are." Hoseok confirms, blowing on his noodles to try to get a not so painful bite.

Jimin hits play, picking up his noodles, surprised that within seconds there were already people in the chat. "Hello army.."

"Hi Army." Hoseok greets the small handful of people who already entered, then slurps his noodles. "Aiish, I shouldn't be eating noodles before the show tomorrow, my face is going to be so puffy.."

"You look cute with chub..ch.." Jimin puts up a finger thinking he had to sneeze, but nothing comes. "Chubby looking cheeks." He finishes his sentence, taking a bite of noodles.

The two eat chatting with each each other while they wait for more army to join, watching the comment section.

LovePJM13: hi Jimin oppa, I saw the show tonight and it was amazing, but in one of the photos I took it looks like you were crying. Are you okay?

"Ah, no. No i wasn't crying at all tonight. I was really..ah..Heh'hehitchi!" Jimin sneezes before he could put the noodles down to cover his face, choking on the noodles.

"Bless you baby..Are you okay? Drink some of your tea.. " Hoseok quickly takes the bowl from him and moves the camera so Jimin is out of frame, rubbing his back to try to ease his cough.

Jimin takes a drink of the tea, trying to wash down the noodles. "Yeah,yeah, I'm okay now..but that was awful.."

"Here.. you got broth on your face." J-hope uses his sleeve to wipe Jimin's chin. "Ah, the chat is worried.."

Jimin looks over, noticing the comment section flooding with concern. "Don't worry. I'm fine. It didn't really hurt it scared me more than anything.."

Tannie13: Do you have a cold?

Jungshookie9: Are you sick? I saw you sneezing during spring day..

Hoseok readjusted the camera so they could sit on the floor, looking through the comments. "Jiminie isn't sick. It's just allergies. Him and Jungkookie are both having issues, but it's worse for Jiminie."

"We'll only be here for another two days. I'll be fine. It's more annoying than anything." Jimin tries to reassure army, but his body has other plans. "Heh'itcgih! Heh..itcvxhyu!" Jimin covers his face with his arms, sniffling miserably.

"Bless you Jiminie.. they really aren't going away.." Hoseok frowns, rubbing Jimin's back. "You poor thing.."

"I'm doing better than earlier.. my eyes were more puffy when I was in the bathroom.." Jimin looks at himself through the camera lens. I wish it was my sneezes improving though..

"Are you guys healthy army? I know a lot of people get sick when the seasons change. Jinnie-hyung was just getting over a cold when we left Korea for our tour.." Jimin asks, but when he tries to watch the comments, his eyes start to water, another round of sneezes building covering his face.

"Hey'Itfgih! Heh'hehitchi! Ah..ah..hitcxhi!" Jimin sneezes, quickly standing up. "I'm sorry.. I got to blow my nose.." his voice comes out congested and soft, leaving Hoseok in charge of the chat.

"Bless you.. take your time Jimin-ah, I'll keep army company." Hoseok tries to calm Jimin's concerns about having to get up so suddenly.

"Army if you saw the show tonight what was your favorite part and if you didn't go what did you do today?" Hoseok asks, watching Jimin leave with concern. "Jiminie Army says bless you!" He calls to Jimin when he finds that he can't catch any of the comments except for the bless yous and I love you Jimin that flooded the chat. "We love you Jiminie!"

Jimin was glad for Hoseok's shouting, helping to conceal the sound of him blowing his nose, the clear gooey liquid soaking through the toliet paper. Maybe I should ask Hobi-hyung to take over the live.. I'm such a mess..Army want to see me when I'm handsome and smiling..

Jimin takes out his phone to text Hoseok, hoping he'd check it, but after retouching up his make up and still not getting a response he returned to the livingroom, bowing to the stream. "Sorry everyone.. I know this isn't what you had in mind when I said I'd go live in the next city.."

"Jimin-ah, you don't need to apologize. No one's upset that you aren't feeling your best.. we're just worried about you." Hoseok pulls him into a hug.

"Hobi-hyung.. I'm so ugly and gross right now.. I think we should turn off the live and you can do one on your own for army in my place." Jimin whispers so only Hoseok hears, only earning him a tighter hug.

"Don't say stuff like that Jimin-ah, you're being too hard on yourself. You look fine.. it's just a little redness to your face, it's no big deal. Okay?" Hoseok whispers back to him, gently ruffling Jimin's hair and letting him go, turning to talk to the camera. "Army! Isn't Jimin so handsome today? I don't think a stuffy nose is enough to ruin it."

Jimin watches the comment section flood his jaw clenched with nerves. They're just going to say Hyung always thinks I'm cute or lie just to make me feel better..

DaddyJoon9:You have the cutest little sneezes I just wish they didn't make you miserable 😔

HEYStobit77:You think the sniffles are enough to ruin your pretty face? You're crazy oppa. You're still handsome!

Ot7borababy:You're still my beautiful angel. Sick or not. Just feel better soon.

Tannie13: we don't care about your looks. You're very handsome but I'm here for your sweetness, Mochi. Please smile.

Jimin tried to catch every comment that rushes by, his eyes filling with tears when he sees all the supportive comments flooding into his heart, sniffling once more.

"Jimin-ah are you crying?" Hoseok asks in concern when Jimin lays his head in his palms, letting out a shaky breath. Hoseok leans forward to read the comment section, relaxing when he sees nothing but positivity, a mix of compliments and concern. "Jimin-ah tell Army why you're crying.."

"I-i'm just happy.. Thank you Army.. I love you guys so m-much.." Jimin lifts his head to speak to them, smiling through his tears.

Hoseok uses his thumbs to dry Jimin's eyes. "Hey, hey Jimin-ah? Guess what?"

"Huh?" Jimin sniffles, looking at Hoseok's bright smile.

"You haven't sneezed since you sat back down. They're starting to stop." Hoseok announces relieved for his stressed out dongsaeng.

"Hyung..don't jinx it.." Jimin smiles, wiping his face with his sleeve. "Let's finish our noodles and get to bed.. I think I've had enough excitement for one day.."

[a-lil-strawberry]

I was really frustrated with my mom this morning. When I woke up I was in severe pain, and i stayed where I was trying to let it pass and trying to find a comfortable position. Like I said it was level ten pain. I couldn't move to get water or medicine. Idk how long I tried to let it pass but it was awhile. I finally realized the pain was absolutely not manageable and I reached for my phone to call my mom. I told her "I need you to take me to urgent care" she asked me questions and at this point it hurt to talk, so I was a little short with her, but she was like "let me call the nurse advisor" and I said "no just go get the car ready, I'll call when you're doing that" and then she said "the nurse will probably tell you to take a painkiller" and I said "I have one near me but no water, can you get me some water?" And she was like "well which do you want me to do? Get ready or get water?" And she was all short and frustrated about it. And I could barely move or talk so I just gave up and she went downstairs, supposedly getting ready. I called the nurse advisor and she told me to take the medicine. My mom was taking a really long time getting ready. Like a really long time. I eventually mustered the strength to get up and go to the bathroom to get water there. I took the medicine and immediately threw up. I had tried calling my mom's phone three times asking for the water. I went downstairs and she was in that bathroom watching a YouTube video and like putting on makeup and she had like a nice blouse on? And at this point it had been like twenty minutes or so since I initially told her "I need you to take me to urgent care" I was on the ground groaning in pain while she did her makeup or whatever she was doing. I said "I need you to take me" and she's like, all impatiently, "okay just let me brush my teeth" and at this point I was so frustrated. I said "I just threw up and I'm not brushing my teeth. This is how I'm going" I was still in my pj's with no bra. There was no way I was changing. All I could think of was the pain. She said "that's fine!" But my point wasn't to ask her for permission to go without brushing my teeth. I was saying "why do you have to do all this to get ready? This is urgent. I'm going just like this. You don't need to get all dressed up" then she MADE COFFEE WHILE I WAS STILL GROANING ON THE FLOOR. An instant coffee, but she had to let the water get hot! And at that point I literally gestured like ??????

It's just like.... Why didn't you take me seriously? I didn't say "I'm in sort of bad pain and I think I need to go urgent care" I said "I need you to take me to urgent care. I am in severe back pain" at that she should've just thrown some pants on and took me, like within minutes. Instead she 1) low-key argued with me about the water and was impatient 2) took like twenty minutes watching a video leisurely getting ready while I literally writhed and suffered upstairs. And when she was up there I was in clear pain. I was groaning and I told her all of my symptoms. Why didn't she take me seriously from the moment I said I needed to go? I feel sort of like it's bc my last emergency room visit turned out to be a panic attack related to THC use and she maybe thought I was like the boy who cried wolf. I feel so let down by her.

She did eventually take me and I'm grateful for that, but man..... I feel let down by her badly. I called her three times from bed and she had been watching a YouTube video

[julietasgf]

I'll answer more calmly all later but when I saw your reply I realized I forgot to add my new hc of how Marcus and Sejanus meet in the latam AU (although it could also serve to some extent in canon) 😔😔

So I started to ramble on about certain details of that great moment of gentleness between Sejanus and Marcus and I was like ok putting snow on someone's finger to get them uninjured is a bit unusual knowledge for a child and more so if they were so young. I'm sorry I've never seen snow but I'm sure if I lived in a place with snow at that age I and many other kids probably would have eaten it instead of using it that way so I came to the conclusion that Marcus' parents, well mother, I don't know I always visualized him as the son of a single mother IDK, but his mother probably had some knowledge in traditional medicine -huesera, like those ladies who know all about tea and herbs and ointments and move arms and weists😝

So Baby Marcus from a young age had some knowledge on how to take care of small injuries BUT WELL. What I thought for the latam au was; Imagine Baby Sejanus gets sick and they take him to the doctor and give him all kinds of treatments but nothing seems to work and Vesta is heartbroken but won't give up so even though she had to fight with Strabo (not much because he ended up giving in because that's his son and well it wouldn't hurt to try even if he feel untrust about these things but Vesta yelled at him and threatened him a little so he stopped arguing quickly, pls "Vesta DONT ask me the divorced 😭" "🙄") Vesta starts looking for alternatives and that's when someone from her neighbors tells her about Marcus' mother and she goes and asks for help

And they start treating baby Sejanus who actually gets better!!!! but here's the thing :)) because baby Marcus helped his mom maybe with little things like watching Sejanus while he was napping or changing his pañuelo to bring his temperature down (while Vesta and Marcus' mommy become friends <3 and support each other with Marcus' mommy comforting Vesta and giving her encouragement and I'm sure Vesta would bring her bread and candy and probably made a principle payment for Sejanus treatment).

But I kinda see Sejanus was with fever and very tired the first days and Marcus didn't get a chance to talk to him well and was very curious to meet him, wondering all the time who he was and then one day baby Sejanus wakes up and their eyes meet and 😳

And that's it hahaha, wait for my proper response to your reply later

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS SO SO SO MUCH 😭😭😭

I've read some works on ao3 that have marcus' mom as a doctor on D2, and I think that to be really sweet; I've also never seen snow in my life, but I agree lmao 😭 and I also agree, in my head it's is already canon he's the kid of a single mother. and LOVE the idea of marcus' mom knowing about traditional med (here we call these ladies benzedeiras, it's common in small towns for when children are sick for moms to take them for these ladies to pray and give them teas and herbs)

strabo is extremely skeptical, he's that kind of guy who just doesn't believe in anything, but he was willing to spend any amount of money to get bby sejanus healthy again. and still, nothing is working, and he's already running out of ideas; vesta was letting him have control of the situation, but she was getting more and more desperate (that's her baby, she can't lose him like that), and then it comes to the point she grows so impatient and stands by the fact that NOW she's going to decide which doctor they would get sejanus to, and she already settled her mind on asking marcus' mom over. and of course they fight, bc strabo thinks it's such a waste of time to invite this lady over because "these are just plants, it won't make him better", but in the end, he gives in (the divorce threat made me laugh 😭 that's what he deserves). and vesta grew up in a small village, she saw plenty of times her sisters being sick and getting better because of this kind of treatment, so she at least have to try.

BBY MARCUS GOING TO HELP HIS MOM IS JUST SO ADORABLE, and his mom is apologizing to vesta because she didn't want to bother but she promises marcus is a good kid, and vesta not only is absolutely okay with it, but she spoils marcus so much, giving him all kind of treats and sweets (at the end of the day marcus and his mama come back home with a bowl with vesta's homemade dulce de leche). and when his mom and vesta are chatting, and his mom is comforting her saying everything will be okay, he's watching sejanus. and when marcus is caring for sejanus, he sometimes talks to sejanus, muttering stuff like "just get good already, your ma is worried about you" and "and you get better, maybe we can play together, you have really fancy toys". and vesta promises marcus that once sejanus gets better, they can play together ("but mrs. plinth, what if he doesn't want to play with me?" "he WILL, it's not a matter of choice").

the moment sejanus finally wakes up and sees marcus in his room omg 🥹 and they stand there in silence for a while, until marcus finally opens his mouth to say that sejanus has the biggest brown eyes he have ever seen, and sejanus is like "...thanks? I guess?" but blushing so hard. and then there's the whole moment of vesta crying so hard and hugging sejanus and thanking on her knees to marcus' mama. she turns to marcus and promises him he'll ALWAYS be welcome on their house. but marcus doesn't come back until sejanus goes after him to knock on his door and ask him to go to his house to play and watch tv with him after school.

(I'm actually obsessed with this, tysm bc this will probably live in my mind rent free for the next weeks 😭)

[thedanniannie]

POV: Itachi's Reactions To You Texting Him That You're Dying From A Terrible Shit...

You heard me right.... that's the hc

Shoutout to my fellow itachi obsessed bitch, Ezra, she basically gave me the idea without trying lol

It's bc we fantasize him in any situation... ANY...situation. Also I don't take my hc scenarios seriously lol

I mean do you need a synopsis? Ur on the terlet, ur dying, and you vent about it to Itachi. That's it.

.

.

.

>setting the scene: you're hunched over, tears are starting to form, clothes are ripped off and you're drenched in sweat, praying to the heavens above that this stubborn ass shit would finally come outta ya.

>you've accepted your fate: you're going to fucking die on this toilet. You need to share your last moments complaining about it to Itachi.

>"I'm going to die" you text out of nowhere.

>He doesn't catch on to your facetious text and is a bit worried for a second. He might almost be tempted to call you, but he thought if there was time for you to text that maybe it's not you ACTUALLY dying.

>"Are you okay?" He sends out a brief text to sus the situation before he learns you're just poopin.

>"I'm going to die on this toilet!" Okay, now he knows it's because you've been eating out too much, even after he's consistently told you he will make better food for you at home.

>Throughout the time, he just assures you with "You're not going to die my love," "do you need me to get you medicine?," "are you feeling better?," "where's your squatty potty at?"

>He's like your cheerleader. But he's a really unenthusiastic one, so really not a great cheerleader but he's at least there for you.

>Once you finished and took a recovery shower, you step out to see that he set aside some comfortable clothes for you to change into. (Awe, post poop jammies 🥰)

>There's also a water. You can almost hear him in the back of your mind saying, "please drink more water." The deadly moment on the terlet made you feel very pathetic so you slurp down that water.

>He was very sweet during your almost last moments, but now that you're recovered expect him to hound you with the, "this is why you shouldn't eat so much take out" comments.

.

.

.

Did I question myself as to whether I should have posted this? Yes. But if there's one thing about me, I'm a writer who doesn't like to keep my filter on. If I'm thinking about deadly shits y'all are gonna know OKAY!

This is also just one of those hc to not take seriously ya know? It's lighthearted, it's fun, it's goofy.

My digital footprint is going to look so grand in the future 😃! YAY!!

[mapleleafsunset]

newsies warrior cats. im insane

i'm bored and tired so i'm going to type up every single bit of world building and concepts i have for the newsies warrior cats au ive been creating so far. why have i talked more about newsies on here than like half of my interests. ive watched this once. anyway The strike is replaced with an apprentices rebellion, which means that all of the newsies are apprentices across all five clans (so they're at the lake territories at this time. This is key to the plot with WindClan) But anyway, around this time, the clans are facing a severe lack of food due to a drought, as well just general difficulties. Because of this, the warrior code is officially amended so that apprentice's eat last- and that anyone who isn't an apprentice gets to eat until full. This means that essentially the apprentices are starving, and so the adult cats have enough, leaders across the clans are being slow to promote apprentices to warriors, and appointing kits to be apprentices earlier than they should. As a result of mass starvation and illness amongst apprentices, a rebellion breaks out, starting in ThunderClan (taking the place of Manhattan newsies). The rebellion initially consists primarily of non-violent actions such as refusing to do any apprentice chores, and taking enough prey to feed the apprentices. In protest for the fact that no apprentices are becoming warriors anyone involved in the rebellion choses their own warrior name to go by. There is some escalation to violent action as more clans get involved, the warriors in the clans try and bring the apprentices back to the clan by force etc etc. The other clan cats begin to use an abandoned twoleg house as a sort of prison for some cats. Just a detail so I have somewhere for Crutchie to go that makes sense. Now, journalists. The journalists are replaced as a concept by medicine cats, a young medicine cat apprentice (taking the role of Katherine) gets a sign from StarClan that the change to the code is wrong, and all of the plot with the medicine cats is focused around her trying to get her sign listened to, and she's somewhat helped in interpreting signs by her mentor (Byran Denton. im merging the versions), but eventually gets her sign from StarClan noticed by the clans on her own merit. WindClan is the Brooklyn newsies, I don't care enough to assign any other borough to specific clans other than WindClan being brooklyn purely because theyre small. and spots small. so spots in WindClan. I considered placing Brooklyn as ShadowClan for the intimidation factor but I really hate the whole ShadowClan is intimidating thing so I'm just pretending that's not real. Also WindClan apprentices are mainly girls bc I'm bringing the brooklyn girls into this Scabbing from the strike is replaced by Jack, ive forgotten his warrior cat name I gave him so i'm just calling him Jack, leaving the clans temporarily to become a kittypet, which is where he gets the bandana I draw on his design. He's told if he ends the rebellion and goes to become a kittypet then he can take Crutchie with him, and the other cat will be able to live a better life than they are having trapped in the abandoned twoleg house or in the horrible situation in the clans. I think that's most of my thoughts. Race is a tortoiseshell cat and hes transgender bc most tortoiseshell cats are female. just making this note bc i like it and i havent been bothered to draw him yet. Crutchie is nonbinary, because of the stuff that ive heard about junior newsies where they don't have a gender specified. The StarClan cats who are communicating with the medicine cats are going to be a range of canon characters who I think are suitable. Thinking Swiftpaw, Badgerfang, and whatever the name of the cat who was involved in creating the rule of apprentices not being trained before 6 moons is (i could move and get the book to check but I can't be bothered).

[thedisablednaturalist]

My theory on why people have mid life crisises:

I think in the first part of our lives, when we are young, we spend a lot of time waiting. Waiting for the weekend, waiting for our birthday, waiting for our favorite holiday, waiting for vacation, waiting for finals to be over etc. Time seems to go by faster because we have taught ourselves to wait to enjoy things. We want the hard stuff to be over quickly so we can get to the good stuff. The good stuff being rare for the working class as we spend most of our time, well, working! And in our young adult years working is especially awful bc we have to prove our worth, don't usually have great benefits like vacation time, have to take more hours, and any free time we get we have to spend on adult responsibilities. So instead of being present, we turn our brains off and try to live in the future. And once we get to that future it goes by super fast because we've been living in it for a long time already. And especially for people who are working (and not still in college), life starts moving really fast. So in your middle twenties through your forties you're on that grind, years pass as you go to different jobs, move up the ladder, etc. And once you finally reach a point where you are stable and can afford more expensive things, go on vacation more often, take long weekends and actually enjoy your free time cause you can afford paying people to take some of the responsibilities off your shoulders, you start living in the present again. And then you realize oh shit! Look how much time has gone by. And I spent it all suffering compared to now! I'm already halfway through I gotta make the most of every moment! I can't believe I didn't do all these things I wanted to do! And then they get an expensive car, try out different clothes, because they are afraid to live in the present. Now they want to live in an idealized past. They don't want to live in the future because that's closer to The End.

Its probably different for people who aren't middle class American office workers. And I've noticed that most of the time, the ones who get mid life crisises are middle age, upper middle-class, American men! Correct me if I'm wrong but you don't hear much about it in different cultures, at least not in the same way. People may be sad they aren't young anymore but they aren't having a Midlife Crisis (TM). But even that stems from the same core issue of being afraid of running out of time.

If humans were able to make the most of every day, to not always be waiting for the weekend or for vacation or important events, I think time would go by slower, or at least we'd feel more satisfied with the time we've spent. But our society has to change to one where people can be doing what makes them happy, and they don't have to worry about survival. People can quit jobs they aren't happy with, people don't have to work if they don't want to or can't, people can access medicine and transportation easily.

These are just some thoughts I've had while driving, please take it with a grain of salt I'm not an expert. This is also from my point of view and does not encapsulate the entirety of the human experience.

[doverjazzghost]

it's the new year's post!!

I'm not putting this under a read more bc tumblr keeps changing the website and idk where the function even is anymore. 2023 was actually pretty good! I had some huge huge growth/good developments in a lot of areas of my life: - I started voice lessons in March and working on singing has been really rewarding. Experiencing music in a different way has been challenging and it's wild feeling like a beginner at something musical again. I even did a vocal audition and sang solo in front of other people, which was a huge anxiety step for me. -My other music stuff has been going really well! I had one of my arrangements played live and 3 of my other arrangements have been recorded and mixed into tracks (2 of which were mixed by me). I also performed with a Real Professional Orchestra as a vocalist which was wild. - I finally got medical help for my headaches. I just though multi-day headaches were normal? at least for me?? but I had a lot of friends push me to go to someone about it and I guess a really effective migraine medication was developed in 2019? It's taken away 90% of my headaches and a lot of brain fog and ambient pain and it's wild to me that everyone else's lives had been like this. -I have travelled (a little bit). I still have a bit of anxiety around travelling, but I managed to go to DC, Pennsylvania, and Massachusetts and I went to 3 conventions. - My anxiety has been a lot better around driving and being out in public. - I didn't get sick at all this year! Which seems like a small thing but after the year I had last year, I am VERY grateful for that. The goals from the 2023 post: -have a symphonic arrangement I've made be performed live Yes!! Also going to have another piece performed in May 2024 and probably December 2024 -actually do it, actually travel this time Yes. I didn't get on a plane, but I did car and train travel. Also booked a trip for me and the geef to Canada for April next year and that is Real Travel. -go back to working on my anxiety and agoraphobia Yes. It isn't really fully gone (bc I think it never will be) but I am in a much better place with that. I am buying groceries in person lol. -finish this Dnd campaign lol Yes! The campaign wrapped in November? Starting a new one early 2024 and I am actually writing this one for pray for me -be more proactive in reaching out to people Kind of? I can maybe only think of 2 or 3 examples of me inviting people to do things but at least that's more than 0 lol. -focus on craftsmanship in the things that I make Eeeehhh. I actually didn't make a ton of art things this year. I did 1 cosplay, some accessories, and a few crochet plushes. I am trying to research more and I think I'm more comfortable in taking apart and re-doing thing until they're right but I definitely think I can push it more.

The goals for 2024:

Still try to reach out to people more both talking and hanging out!

Use my phone less (especially watching less short form video lol). I have already been working on this but I want to commit harder.

Work out more consistently. The really good headache medicine gives me a little fatigue which has made working out harder.

Push myself to learn new techniques re: art, cosplay, music

Get a new job. Things Have Changed at my current job and I'm just not feeling it anymore. That is the post! Happy new bear!! ฅ՞•ﻌ•՞ฅ

[musingsoflys]

Catching up

Well, I survived the first month of school. Got DD into a charter school across town, and making sure she's had reliable transportation has not been fun. One day no one could take her and the stress made her sick, and I had to go home over lunch to get her to try to eat something. Finally, I found someone in the neighborhood whose kid also goes there, and they could take her. Then a few days ago DD says her ride is changing schools in a couple of weeks, and I felt like everything was falling apart again. Because now DH has a broken foot and can't drive, but DD doesn't want to ride with him b/c it's stressful wondering what he's going to talk about in the morning.

And I really wanted to pray and lean on Heavenly Father, but I don't have that deity anymore, not like that. And in the shower I just started crying, partly b/c of the stress of it, but mostly, I realized, it was grief from losing the deity of 50 years and not having anyone to lean on like I used to. It was something I could cling to emotionally, even if there were many times that it felt like nothing happened, I at least felt like there was a big dad in the sky I could spiritually hug.

And now I have a cold. I came down with it on Thursday over the course of the day. Went to work Friday (wore a mask) bc Fridays are half days basically. Thank ... medical advances ... for cold medicines--I found a new-to-me Mucinex lozenge that numbs throat pain. I bought some more masks b/c I'm going to have to go back to work next week even though colds last 7 to 10 DAYS b/c I only have 10 personal days for the year (same for students, basically) and I'll still be contagious as long as I have symptoms, but, y'know, it's "just" a cold. Everyone works through colds, they're so "common" (lol), I don't think most people know how long they actually last!

But yeah, it's finally September, the weather has cooled. I ordered groceries for pick-up, and it's a lot easier to stay in budget that way. 😅 And I finally got DD 1 of the 7 required hours of driving school driving time. She needs her license, then rides to school would be less of a problem. Maybe her health symptoms would improve just having that option. My to-do list is still half done; I have a lot of curriculum to catch up on.

[themidnightcleric]

TW death, transphobia, blatant suicidality, ableism, terrible thoughts u should not indulge

vent post

.

.

.

.

.

..I actually don't think no one loves me. I just fundamentally believe they're wrong and will inevitably be disappointed when they discover I am a husk person not a real human being and that's my fate and believe or not most of this is related to ADHD bc I can't fix it or stick with anything and all the meds make me sick so I feel doomed to do fuck all until I rot and die. Every time I get hopeful my body betrays me. Fucking MCAS.

Icannot emphasize enough that I will take myself out of at least run off into the woods to try and live like an animal, if something does not change in the next 2 years to make it possible for me to exist in society. Like getting disability j guess would help. I am a dog. Not a person. I cannot give anymore.

it is not worth living this way. Every day is an endless punishment for all the things I cannot do and at this point the pit is so deep i will not get out.

And so like posting in this way and alienating myself are a way of pushing everyone out but simultaneously hoping somehow the cry for help will reach someone who can genuinely help me. I know this isn't me, this isn't the bigger spirit that animates me speaking this is the thing that wants to kill me, but can't even show itself to the people who say they love me. We have seen too much and the desire to destroy something significant is getting stronger. I guess this is an admission I understand su*cide bombers and crave going out burning a bank or a church or a detention center. simultaneously a desperate plea for someone to show me some kind of other way that isn't this plodding, hesitating half life. Two of my friends before I left my home state told me I should have been dead by now. I know what they meant and it's great I am alive but I don't see a future other than death. It's so close, so intimate. I go to sleep with death every night waiting for her. The funny thing is not many people I know closely have died. If they had it actually might be easier like I could live for them. But instead it feels like I'm the one who is supposed to die. I live with that every day and I know I'm not the only one but with everything that's happening I no longer can believe things will get better. I'm just trying to do as much good as I can before it comes for me. I don't see anyone who really needs me here. Or wants me bad enough to merit staying. Like it's all pipe dreams, could have beens, obligations. Fake. In the clouds.

I haven't been real since I was a kid.

I'm sorry y'all. I'm really sorry. I don't know if it will even matter when it happens. Like a candle burning out. Who is gonna notice beyond another little wave of sad posts. Currently I'll probably be buried by my family as a woman. They'll say it was inevitable. I was always so mentally unwell. Kill me and blame me for it.

I have so many ideas and so much passion but no discipline for it and frankly I feel like a piece of paper god put a sketch on and crumpled up and threw away. Like that episode of Gravity Falls where Dipper clones himself and there's a Glitch Dipper who everyone sort of feels bad for until he dies. Two headed calf. All I have ever tried to be is kind while people saw more in me than I could give or sustain. At least I got to see the stars.

My soul is good but it can't live here on this plane right now. It doesn't want to. All the people I love are fighters who metabolize everything into medicine and power for the future or at least stick around hedonistically. I am not built like that. I find no pleasure in pleasure. I am weak and too fragile to exist by myself and at every turn am reminded of this. I try to play it off as kink or funny but really, I don't think anyone can survive the level of self erasure that my system has developed.

My friend keeps telling me to play Disco Elysium but it's 40 dollars and I have to save all my $ for gas and credit card payment. To be responsible. Why do I even fucking care. I'm scared if I stop caring anymore I will just let go and become fully catatonic.

Hopefully this is rock bottom and somehow I will bounce up into a new perspective tomorrow. I pushed myself into burnout because all this messaging online about Palestine and genocide is like you aren't doing enough and that really really works against my ability to do anything like the PDA I cannot help and have been fighting my whole life to just like, brush my teeth. I can't watch these people beg for help and so many turn away in hatred and then not even make phone calls. I am trying to look for the helpers but I think the fascists want to kill all of us.

It's gonna take a miracle to get through this winter. I wish I could show somebody how desperate I feel. The pills are right there. I never get rid of them. I could do it tonight. But I won't.

I don't know how long you have to scream for help. I don't think it helps anyone. People fall down the spiral. Maybe there is something to live for for others but for me, it's all conjecture. I have full responsibility to bring about everything that I could live for. If I give up, it doesn't happen. If I give up, the good things in this world go on without me. No one ever knew me really. I feel so fundamentally separated & invisible.

I'm mad I feel this way and am wasting my life talent and time. I am tired of being depressed and low key a shitty friend. I am ready for God to take me and use me for some new form of life that has a fighting chance to be something.

If only that weren't just a delusion. I wanted my life to mean something and leave a mark but at the end of the day this voice tells me it's not even worth that, that no one will remember me.

Pathetic. Jesus. How do you fight this.

I'm tired.

I'll keep fighting another day at a time. But there's no way to be okay right now. I have to live with this person the world has made me into and let go of who we could have been with more love.

[wonka44xd]

So I went crazy the other day because I rediscovered my eye floaters that I've had since I was little. So after going into a rabbit hole using claude.ai trying to see if there was any way to remove them. And most people on the internet will say there is no way

But I refused to believe nothing could be done.

So I really thought about how the eye is working and how would you theoretically get something to that region.

Claude told me that the virteous ( the eye gel in ur eyeball) is not effected by the surrounding part of ur eye because it's not supplied by blood

But when u really think about where the eye floaters come from --- I asked Claude where they came from

They come from parts near ur retina

So since that's the case, possibly most eye floaters would be more near the retina than not

And if that's the case -- the retina is supplied by blood and is close enough to the eye floaters to maybe transmit a vitamin or enzyme across some membrane to the gell --- eventually to the eye floater

Sounds super farfetched to medicine I know nowadays

But think about thjs

Blood and water transmit nutrients throughout your bloodstream down to the smallest parts to keep them alive

And also think about this

Inflammation is your body rushing blood to the area as self defense

And it's rushing blood because blood has healing things in it

You could possibly administer more healing agents to the area

If you took more vitmains/supplements

That eventually go into your blood stream.

I will take this further with eye floaters.

I read that a sauna could possibly effect the eye gel enough to change the temperature that it could aid in breaking them down.

So after all this I decided to buy some eye supplements and pineapple extract or something

Now i have to say that this next part is not to be taken lightly and don't do drugs.

But when u smoke weed and thc getts in ur system

Ur eyes get inflamed, that's y u eyes are red and dry

Claude says this can make floaters worse

However

What if I used this inflammation to send more vitamins and supplements to my eyes

Because that's what inflammation does. And I already light up. Not that I will be smoking more. Just that it will be part of the experiment and it can also effect it in some way.

There's also a vitamin that says helps with eyes, even claude will mention it. But more studies are needed.

Vitamin a I'm pretty sure

It helps with secretions

And ur retinal cells secretes into the eye gel every so often but not enough to replace all of ur vitreous gel

But bottom line that ur retina and other parts secrete into the gel

Where the floaters are

So I'm taking that (vitamin a and others)to increase production of excretion/oils that can help move the eye floater

Taking digestive enzymes could also help break things down. Bc ur cells and other things digest unironically

And maybe will get excreted from the bloodstream into my eyes eventually over the long term

In addition to the indirect inflammation in my eyes

Which in theory puts more blood into my eyes, which has more of the vitamin/enzyme in it

And also may give a little more warmth, microscopically

Which could help stimulate more chemical reaction.

Such this is a long shot but idc

Lemme be schizo

Lemme try something

And I'll tell u all how it goes

---- until next time

***peace sign