#i am probably gonna log off here for the night. so no replies from mw

[arvadthecursed]

Hi everyone. This isn't an easy post to make, but it needs to be done.

I have decided to rehome Stella.

There's a lot I haven't told you guys about the situation with her. I was worried you'd think I was disgusting, a slob, a pig. But I want to give you all the context for this decision.

About two months ago, my parents decided to try and see if using a crate upstairs would help Stella acclimate better, by giving her a safe spot where the boys couldn't get to her. This was a disaster.

Stella quit using her litter box entirely. At first I was worried she had another blockage, so I took her to the vet. She was slightly constipated so she got some medicine. I thought that might help.

I had bought an air mattress a few weeks previously, as Stella had urinated on my mattress and I was concerned I couldn't use it anymore. Stella used my air mattress as a place to use the bathroom. It got worse from there.

I will spare you all the details. But over the course of the last month and a half, my room was basically destroyed. Besides the air mattress, my actual mattress is completely ruined. I'd thought I might be able to save it, but she urinated on it several more times as well as had BMs on it. I had posted pictures of her in my yarn cubby, thinking if was cute at the time. That yarn is ruined, and the cubby is, too. And my carpet will have to be replaced from how she used it. There is basically no way to salvage my room as it is.

She has had behavioral issues like this before, where I did something that upset her and in response she would use the bathroom on, usually, my bed -- but never this drastic. Each time I would clean up, try to fix what I'd done, and accept that this was part of my life now.

I paid my sister to clean my room for me, which she did and I'm grateful, I couldn't even think about my room without crying bc of how awful it was -- but my room is still a disaster zone. I can't sleep in there because it smells like, well, a litter box, and that will make me sick. It's a vicious cycle. I can't be down there too long to try and fix her behaviors, so her behaviors continue.

I have accepted that I can't give Stella what she needs here. I can't care for her like she needs.

I have spent more than $1500 on her vet bills, I've tried changing her litter box and litter multiple times. I bought a stainless steel water fountain for her because I was worried she wasn't drinking enough water. I have read countless articles, watched videos, consulted my vet over and over. I was worried it was a health problem bc she has struggled with those. But... It's a behavior. And it's a behavior I cannot cope with.

I've spent the last month and a half trying to cope. I've been spending time with her as much as possible and as much as I can tolerate. I've tried to redirect her behaviors. And I have to accept that I can't do this anymore.

Stella deserves far better, someone who can be with her all the time (or close to it) in a household where she's the only animal and can be the focus of attention.

It breaks my heart. It really does. I've cried every day for the last several days. I've second-guessed myself, I've beat myself up. In some ways, I feel like I'm failing her, like I'm giving up on her. But I have to do what's right for her, and I can't be what she needs.

I'm going to be contacting a few rescues on Monday to see if they can take her or recommend a foster. I don't want her going back into a shelter. At her age, with her health problems, that would be a death sentence, and I can't do it to her. She spent more than 7 years of her life in a shelter. I don't want her to have to go back.

I'm sorry. I know this is heavy, and it's not what anyone wants to hear. I feel horrible about this. Like I said, there's part of me that feels like I have completely failed her. But I know I can't give her what she needs. It breaks my heart into pieces and I'm starting to cry writing this post.

I didn't want to just stop posting about her and you guys not know what happened. I am going to make sure she goes into good hands, to someone who can care for her like she needs to be cared for. And in my own selfish way, I needed to vent, bc I have cried so much over the last month and a half as months of my items being used as a litter box has worn me down -- especially not being able to sleep in my own bed for several months now, and my room for the last month and a half.

I will let you all know when I find her somewhere/someone to care for her.

I will likely not be replying to anything on this post or ask about it, at least not for the time being. My heart hurts. It feels heavy in my chest whenever I think about her. I need time to heal and process this. I do not make this decision lightly at all.

Thank you for reading.

Millie