#( yo i had almost forgotten about this wtf )

[email-me-more]

moments before disaster (Cloud speaks, and everything only goes downhill from there)

New chapters just around the corner, mostly editing left now!!

this has been bouncing about in my noggin since I wrote it all those weeks ago, and while sick with covid, I replayed most of Remake for the hell of it. enjoyed it very much, and got reminded of sidecharacters I had fully forgotten before. good jog of the ol' memory, all in all.

life's been shredding me alive tho, hence the delays, since I've managed to have a lot happen in a month (in the span of Only September, yo, wtf):

got the flu (absolute misery)

hosted an event for 200 people as their compére (went really well!! I'm so stoked)

got covid two days after that (went well all things considered)

suffered through two-three exams per week (kill me now, why are my professors doing me like this)

have started fighting with my neighbours about the laundry room by leaving passive-aggressive notes (they took my clothes out of the washing machine mid-cycle and left them on the floor, pissing wet, WHEN I STILL HAD A COUPLE OF HOURS LEFT OF PERSONALLY BOOKED TIME?? blowing them up with my mind, assholes.)

got a little bit hit by a bicyclist, who made the brilliant decision of just fully sending it around a corner, where I was unlocking the door to my storage unit. I'm fine, he’s fine, my right leg just has gnarly tire mark bruises (currently yellow, purple and almost green-ish?)

got a new job, we love that! (A good thing!)

[flammeusarch2]

RED + WHAT HAPPENED IN LONDON.

in  all  the  story  red  has  gone  out  of  it  with  pretty  much  little  to  no  trauma  attached,  because  during  the  surprise  attack  she  wasn't  around,  on  the  way  to  copley's  office  she  was  on  getaway  car  duty  and  she  hasn't  even  fought  her  way  down  the  building.  sure  she  fought  some  of  merrick's  security  guards  on  her  way  to  the  pad  to  unlock  doors  for  the  gang  and  then  left  to  dispatch  the  car  plate  that  was  shown  on  the  cameras  outside  the  building,  but  in  context  she  hasn't  even  died  once  throughout  the  movie  events.  

still,  she's  angry.  nile  flings  herself  down  the  building  and  the  squad  leaves  as  the  police  arrives.  by  that  time  red  has  already  made  her  way  out  and  far  (  for  obvious  reasons,  it's  not  like  they  would  have  all  fit  in  one  car  )  but  she's  got  anger  boiling  inside  ---  first  because  she  can't  believe  that  one  time  she  decides  to  trust  the  guys  on  a  job  a  shitshow  happens,  second  because  she  would  have  never  expected  such  betrayal  by  a  person  she  considers  family.  once  they  got  in  their  london  safe  house  to  get  rid  of  bloody  clothes  and  stuff,  red  literally  drops  a  five  minutes  piece  on  booker  for  being  a  bastard.  her  words  are  not  kind,  she  shoots  to  kill  and  makes  sure  not  miss  (  oh  poor  soul  he  feels  lonely,  letting  a  psycho  stick  needles  into  his  brothers  will  sure  fix  it!  /  you  think  because  you're  sad  we're  all  expendable?  /  you  sold  your  family  for  what?  your  stupid  death  wish  isn't  necessarily  ours  too  /  saying  that  you  did  it  for  andy  doesn't  make  you  less  than  a  coward  /  there's  something  wrong  with  you  /  you  need  help  )  and  she  regrets  these  words  as  soon  as  they're  out  in  the  room  but  the  point  is  that  things  like  this  shouldn't  happen  ---  it's  literally  the  reason  why  they  keep  their  identities  secret,  because  being  lab  rats  is  not  something  they  want  to  try.

as  i  already  mentioned  red  arrives  at  the  pub  when  the  price  has  already  been  decised.  i  think  in  that  span  of  time  she  went  for  a  walk  to  clear  her  mind,  or  to  cover  once  again  their  tracks  ---  thing  is  she  does  some  thinking  and  she  absolutely  can't  stand  it.  booker  is  a  brother  in  arm,  she's  felt  the  rope  around  her  neck  and  the  cold  creep  on  her  spine  when  he  died,  she's  met  him  in  paris  and  left  him  alone,  she's  come  back  to  see  how  things  were  going,  stayed  for  a  while    (  homegirl  lived  for  more  than  a  decade  in  paris  just  so  that  he  could  have  a  friend  with  "common  issues"  to  talk  with  in  case  he  wanted  to,  that's  the  biggest  commitment  and  effort  she's  ever  put  in  a  friendship  )    she's  gone  to  his  son's  funeral.  red  doesn't  give  him  special  treatment  for  being  younger,  just  treats  him  with  the  same  kindness  and  respect  she  reserves  to  her  family  ---  and  has  done  so  for  the  past  two  centuries  with  everybody  else...  just  to  feel  like  in  the  end  it  meant  nothing,  it  was  just  useless,  because  he  still  sold  the  group,  and  people  who  helped  him  through  immortality,  like  it  was  fine.  

when  she  gets  to  the  pub  he's  outside  and  she  can't  even  look  in  his  direction  for  a  second.  she  literally  speed  past  him  because  whatever  is  she  supposed  to  say?  she  doesn't  want  to  apologize  because  booker  got  andy  almost  killed,  joe  and  nicky  hurt,  and  she  feels  entitled  to  be  mad  for  almost  losing  half  of  her  family.  she  puts  on  a  cold  demeanor  because  she's  good  at  those,  they're  easier  than  conflict.  just  pretend  the  problem  is  not  there  to  see.  she  gets  in  and  plays  devil's  advocate,  because  old  habits  are  hard  to  die    (  let's  give  him  a  year  ultimatum  to  get  help,  if  he  gets  better  we  let  him  back,  if  not  he's  on  his  own  )  and  even  as  she  bargains  for  him  red  knows  that  it's  stupid  because  the  day  before  she  would  have  trusted  booker  with  her  life  and  today  she  would  sleep  with  an  eye  open  just  in  case.  last  thing  last,  because  red  is  a  sap  at  heart  she  drops  her  opinion:  staying  together  is  more  important  than  how  we  stay  together.  it's  childish,  and  she  has  half  a  mind  that  the  gang  would  throw  her  out  too.  hundred  years  is  settled,  feels  good  because  it  means  countless  second  chances  booker  can  take  to  atone  for  what  he  did,  and  red  hopes  he  does.  might  need  a  little  push  though,  and  in  the  meantime  everybody's  got  time  to  deal  with  what  happened  the  way  they  think  fits  most.

when  andy  announces  the  sentence  and  there's  the  last  goodbye,  red  doesn't  even  bother  to  show  her  face  from  the  stairs  ---  whatever,  see  him  when  i  see  him.  she  ends  up  regretting  that  too,  because  in  her  mind  whatever  he's  done  he's  still  family,  and  she's  actively  trying  to  put  more  guilt  on  him  (  which  is  bitch  move  on  her  behalf  and  that's  something  that  took  two  weeks  to  say  out  loud  at  therapy  )  knowing  that  it  won't  help.  as  soon  as  she  starts  therapy,  she  also  begins  writing  him  a  letter  every  day  ---  she  doesn't  send  them,  it's  just  to  waste  time.  nile  introduces  her  to  vines  and  she  catches  herself  texting  links  to  youtube  compilations  and  scrambling  "this  made  me  laugh,  hope  it  works  for  you  too"  in  french  and  as  soon  as  she  musters  the  courage  to  send  it  vines  are  their  conversation  topic.  

when  she  breaks  into  his  house  it's  more  because  a  month  has  passed  and  she's  decided  to  call  it  a  truce,  start  building  trust  again,  whatever  her  therapist  said.  she  doesn't  spare  comments  but  leaves  with  a  lighter  heart  and  a  few  pamphlets  on  his  table  with  references  to  therapists  (  the  sooner  you  do  something  to  get  yourself  out  of  this  hole  you've  dug  the  sooner  you'll  feel  better  /  it's  not  even  something  you  should  do  to  come  back,  it  has  to  be  for  you,  to  move  on  or  at  least  have  some  peace  of  mind  )  and  she  finds  out  it  makes  her  feel  better.  

i  think  the  way  she  deals  with  everything  is  very  telling  of  how  she  hangs  on  the  immortals  for  dear  life  to  get  by  and  she'd  go  great  length  to  keep  it  together  ---  in  the  end  she's  actually  travelling  distance  to  spend  time  with  her  "split  up  family"  and  i  think  this  also  suggests  that  red  is  healing  and  maturing  not  just  from  what  happened  in  london  but  generally  with  the  way  she  handles  her  life,  memories  and  grief  in  a  healthier  way.  

[l8rhader]

You Can Change Right Next To Me Universe Meta that might eventually become an in universe oneshot collection.

Bev was ALL of the Losers’ first kiss.

All of them.

Bill (the play... but also between Eddie and Richie when they start “dating” because they’re 13.  it’s not unlike the movies tbh) then Eddie, (she’s probably been spending too much time with richie because eddie is really fucking cute and she can’t? help? it?) then Richie (fall after what would be the summer of IT if any of the clown shit happened they’re sitting behind the ice cream shop talking) then Ben (he does something super sweet one day and she just can’t not) then Mike (truth or dare), then Stan (he’s not not jealous and they’re not not stoned and it’s not not the hottest thing that Bill and Richie have ever seen ever until that moment and it’s definitely not not the moment they both realize that bisexual can definitely be a thing because they’re both so fucking jealous of both of them both in that particular moment.)

BUT HERE’S THE THING.

Stan was all of the boys (except Ben’s) first kiss with a boy and they’re literally all 16 here.  This is ALL in the year before YCCRNTM

Richie (he saw the way that Richie was watching him and Bev earlier that night and didn’t want his best friend feeling left out so, when Richie pulled into his driveway to drop him off, he kissed him to thank him for the ride home and Richie thought he might actually die and that also may have been A Thing for both of them for a hot minute because kiss is a really loose term here because they were ) then Mike (the only one of the Losers to actually come out to anyone else in like a speech type situation and Mike’s just like “BUT I’M GONNA DIE ALONE BECAUSE DERRY” and Stan kneels up and plants one one him, assuring him that if someone else doesn’t see that he’s a fucking catch by the time they graduate, they’ll make a go of it.  Mike laughs it off but doesn’t realize that Stan is 100% serious) then Eddie (they’d actually been fighting.  Stan had already figured out that Richie was in love with Eddie and Eddie made some snippy comment about some joke Richie had made and Stan had to stand up for him and it became a kind of weird back and forth that wound up with Eddie saying “It’d make more sense for me to kiss you” so Stan just... does.  Eddie melts.  Actually like melts.  Then Stan looks at him and goes, “imagine how much better that would’ve been if i’d been him” and stomps off leaving Eddie.exe to malfunction) then Bill (bill didn’t know about Stan kissing Richie until waaaaaaaaaay after and he only finds out because he walks into gym one day to find Richie and Bev talking about their best kisses and Bev says, because she’s incapable of being anything other than candid, that it’s Stan.  She likes kissing Ben, but the way Stan had just grabbed her and kissed her that night Did Things and she definitely had to go home that night and Take Care of Business.  Richie had laughed really hard because SAME BEV HOLY SHIT so next period is Lunch and he’s like yo stan we’re going to burger king because it’s pre-you-have-to-stay-on-campus-all-day-because-people-are-crazy-it’s-lunch-if-you-wanna-go-home-go-home and he’s like “you’ve kissed bev and richie wtf” and stan’s like “yep.  and also almost everyone else.  what about it?  you’re literally the straightest guy i’ve ever met so it never even entered my mind” to which Bill makes an audible “?!!???!!!” and Stan’s like “Okay.  So.  Can we get lunch now or did you just bring me out here to be a pain in my ass?”  and he deliberately Does Not Kiss Bill that day.  or for like a week.  Bill hasn’t exactly forgotten so much as given up when Stan pulls up in The Cardinal to pick Bill up from the library and he is standing there with his arms and legs crossed, leaning against the car and Bill makes a face that screams “?!!???!!!” more than the noise did and Stan, honest to god, smirks.  Bill is practically vibrating the whole way home and Stan.  Doesn’t.  Kiss.  Him.  Just drops him off at home.  Bill stands in the garage for like 10 minutes all flustered and huffy.  He grabs silver and rides like the fucking wind over to Stan’s, finding him sitting in his garage.  “Took you long enough.” and Bill just fucking mauls him.  

Ben’s first kiss with a boy was Richie.  They were paired up for a scene in As You Like It   They played rock paper scissors for who’d be who.  Richie won for Rosalind and stuck his tongue out mercilessly.  Ben was still pining over Bev here not actually with her yet and Richie knew that the line with the “You will not die” would need absolutely no reaction from Ben at all because he had literally said the same words to him over the summer.  not literally but like pretty much they were talking about how, when friends have this kind of conversation (because he may or may not have made bev be eddie once or twice except she didn’t know she was being eddie just a hypothetical person that richie had a crush on that Sounded An Awful Lot Like Eddie) they end up kissing there and there and there.  Ben was like (shocked pikachu face) and richie’s like... so we should kiss there and there and there.  So Ben’s like. um. no. i’ll kiss my hand and high five you?  and Richie was like “Or you could kiss me and not be a pussy?”  and ben gets all grumbly and goes mnotapussyijustdonwanna and richie’s like dude it’s fine i just thought that the point of this assignment was to modernize it and give it more reality and he’s like look put yourself in her shoes here.  she’s pretending to be a guy and then falls in love with a guy and he’s in love with who she is as a woman but she can’t let him know that she’s falling for him because what if he realizes that she’s him.  SO aren’t you, in rosalind’s shoes, going to take any opportunity you can get to kiss bev until you can figure out how to make it work?  and ben’s got this mentally constipated look, then it sinks in.  then, grasping at straws goes “i’ve only ever been kissed by one person.” and richie just leaned in and kissed him.  “now it’s two” Ben looks at him for a second, then kisses him.  so Richie’s like “look we run through it once with then once without and see which works better.”  fun fact- richie was right.  it worked better.  they got extra credit for the insightful commentary.

Bev, on the other hand, has never kissed a girl and she thinks that is a TRAVESTY and they really need more girl friends.

[angelsswirl]

Vellichor

The One With The First Heat

Ain't it fun? Living in the real world? Ain't it good?

You knew there was something different about your youngest daughter the moment you saw her that morning.

Your first clue was the fact that it took forever for you to get her up for school. Surprisingly, despite her general  grumbling disposition, Peyton was a morning person. She normally woke up before her parents. That morning was different.

Your second clue was Peyton practically sitting under Jisoo the entirety of breakfast. Peyton was your most independent child, she normally did things without her parents and didn't really need the coddling or comfort that her siblings might have at thirteen.

Of course, Jisoo doesn't notice. She's happy to let her kid sit next to her. You're sure Jisoo would try to cradle all of your children like babies if they let her.

So, yes Jisoo doesn't sense a problem, but even if she was aware of something being off with Peyton, she wouldn't know what signs to look for. Not like you do at least.

The third clue came from Peyton herself. Actually, the fourth did too, just that one wasn't so voluntary.

"Mommy, I think I have a fever." You're lip trembled. Peyton had stopped calling you 'mommy' about almost as soon as she had started speaking full sentences.

You managed to suck it down, though. You wouldn't be so easily susceptible to intense emotion if Jisoo would stop getting you pregnant. You had agreed you were done after Peyton, but no, Jisoo's dick had other plans.

But that's beside the point.

You placed the back of your hand on Peyton's forehead. You knew she would be burning up before you even touched her. And sure enough.

As soon as you took your hand away, the fourth clue popped into place. The easily recognizable scent of heat practically hit you like a slap to the face.  And with it comes a wave of tears down your face.

"My baby is growing up."

Peyton just looked at you weirdly. The smell must hit Jisoo, because her head turned sharply towards them, a deep frown on her face.

You pulled Peyton into a tight hug. Ryland and Lia, who honestly you had completely forgotten about, stare at you weirdly too.

Jisoo blew out a sigh, "Well, would you look at the time! It's time for you two to get to school." She quickly grabbed her keys and herded the older girls toward the front door.

"I don't have class until 10:30." Lia grumbled.

"Then sit in the library and study until you do have class." They were pretty much out the door now.

"Is Peyton okay?" Ryland asked softly. Peyton was still being suffocated in that hug.

Jisoo sighed, "She will be." With that, she finally managed to wrangle them out the door.

"Mom? You can let go, now."

You slipped in one last squeeze before releasing Peyton.

It was clear the teenager didn't quite realize what was happening yet. You breifly wondered how long you could keep it that way. Ultimately, you decided against it. Peyton wasn't dumb. She'd figure it out eventually.

"Am I not going to school today?" It was a possibility that Jisoo just forgot her. It's happened before. It wasn't a big deal, it meant she got more breakfast.

"No you're not. You get to stay here with mama and I today."

Peyton shrugged, "Okay. But why? Did I actually have a fever?"

You swallowed harshly, "Yes, but not for the reason you probably think. Your heat started."

Peyton's nose scrunched up. It made sense. She does feel a bit icky and sluggish and like she needs a shower. She frowned, "Well, tell it to go away, I don't want it right now." They both knew it didn't work like that, but Peyton thought it couldn't help. Maybe it was a voluntary thing, and she could opt out or in at her convenience.

"If only it were that easy. Come on, you are going to take a nap, while I schedule a doctor's appointment, and go to the drug store. Jisoo should be back soon." You guided the teenager to your and Jisoo's room. Peyton let herself be guided with a scowl.

You peeled the duvet back and ushered Peyton in, not in the least bit surprised when Peyton drifted toward Jisoo's side.

"I'm not tired, mom."

You hummed, "Sure you're not. I'm going to go get you a tank and some sleep shorts."

Peyton crossed her arms over her chest. She dug her phone out of pocket as you left the room.

Pey Pey: Apparently, I started my heat today. Won't be coming to school today.

Tay Tay: Ew gross

Pey Pey: I know. Mom's freaking out because I'm growing up or something.

Tay Tay: Not to change the subject or anything, but will your sister be here today?

Pey Pey: Yes. Your crush on my sister is getting creepy.

Tay Tay: I'll have you know, my mother raised me to be a great alp-

Pey Pey: Anyway, if Maya asks about me, lie and say I'm skipping or something cool like that.

Tay Tay: How did you successfully manage to interrupt me? We're texting...

Pey Pey: Taylor Bae-Park. Pay attention.

Tay Tay: Whatever. But we both know she will not ask about you. She'd have to stop being teacher's pet for three seconds to do that.

Pey Pey: Don't be mean to her. She's just passionate about learning.

Tay Tay: and my crush on your sister is creepy

Peyton frowned, she pressed dial on the phone and waited as it rung.

Tay Tay: YO WTF I'M IN HALLOWAY'S CLASS YOU ALMOST GOT MY PHONE TAKEN AWAY

Pey Pey: It's what you deserve

Peyton calmly placed her phone on Jisoo's bedside table. You still hadn't come back with her clothes, so she just burrowed down further into the bed as she waited. Seconds later she was out like a light.

You finally came in a few minutes later. You eyed your daughter, "Not tired my ass."

~•~

Becoming a parent had made you an excellent multitasker. While you had been gathering Peyton's change of clothes, you had called the doctor and made an appointment later that day, and made a mental list for the trip to the drug store.

Jisoo had came back from taking Ryland to school and tricking Lia into driving herself to college.

Upon arrival Jisoo's nose scrunched up. You pointed a finger at her in warning, "Do not say whatever it is you're thinking. I know. Go cuddle your daughter, while I'm gone. When I come back we'll take her to the doctor."

Jisoo nodded silently. Then did as she was told.

~•~

You had gotten back from the drug store an hour later. You placed the Gatorade you had bought next to Peyton's phone. You then gently roused her awake.

"Hey Pey, time to go to the doctor." Both Peyton and Jisoo groaned.

Peyton got out of the bed a bit groggily. Jisoo did not get out of the bed.

"You guys go on without me. I'll stay here and sleep the day away."

"Jisoo...."

"I'm up." Jisoo popped up suddenly, "What are you guys waiting on? We have a doctor's appointment to get to!"

~•~

The doctor's visit went about as well as you could have hoped. Peyton is indifferent to a lot of things and this was no exception.

They had gotten the suppressants Peyton needed so she could go back to school the next day. And then headed back to the house.

Peyton plopped down onto the couch next to Jisoo. That's where they stayed until her siblings returned home.

Ryland entered the house first, her nose scrunched up too, but at least she had the common sense not to say anything.

Lia almost said something when she entered, but you assuaged her with a look. You breathed a sigh of relief.

You dodged a bullet there, or so you thought. Your life flashed before your eyes as Maya followed Lia into the house.

Maya didn't say anything. She seemed disoriented and confused and maybe even a bit scared, but that last one was probably because Jisoo was glaring at her.

"Hi, Maya." Peyton greeted shyly.

You're not sure Maya would have been able to reply even if she wanted to.

"Hey Maya, why don't you go home. You can hang out with Lia tommorow." When Peyton's suppressants kicked in went unsaid.

Maya nodded vehemently at you, "Yes ma'am." Lia rolled her eyes, she had just gotten here. Now, she was going to have to drive Maya back to her own home.

Peyton also looked like she wanted to protest, but if she did she'd probably have to answer questions she's not ready to answer.

Maya quickly shuffled out the door, Lia following her reluctantly.

Yes, you had successfully dodged several bullets that day.

[teawithkpop]

[M] - PhysCom - Pt 3

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 8.8k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: none for this chapter?? other than a boatload of angst and feelings and ahhhh holy shit wtf is going on

thank you all for being patient! ^^ I had a couple hiccups while writing this part, but thankfully I think everything is heading in the right direction now hehe~ hope you enjoy!

“I think we should go out there, and I should kiss you senseless, sweetheart.”

You stare at Namjoon, trying to calm your racing heart. He’s joking, right? He has got to be joking. Doling out kissing privileges is what got you into this mess in the first place. Stirring more jealousy into the pot probably won’t help things.

It takes a count of three before he laughs. “I’m kidding. Obviously.”

You squint at him. He didn’t sound like he was kidding. You glance down to button his jacket around you and notice that there’s a prominent tent in his pants.

Oh...

You smirk. “You sure you didn’t have any ulterior motives for that plan, Master Kim?” You tease him with the title and are pleased to see his cheeks flush when your head inclines ever so slightly towards his lap.

He coughs, clears his throat, straightens his tie. “Of course not.”

You can’t contain the grin on your face. “Really? Not a single, rock hard, reason?”

He readjusts his position, crossing his legs to hide the evidence of his arousal. “Nope.”

You laugh, and catch him grinning too.

“Okay, so maybe... it wasn’t the most objective plan,” he admits with a chuckle. If he’s trying to cheer you up, it’s working. You start to giggle and have to hold your sides as the laughter spills out, quickly turning delirious. A boner is such a preposterous thing to pretend to hide for the sake of manners when it’s your job to sexually satisfy them. Something about it just tickles an exhausted funny bone in you. “Sorry-” You burst into another fit of giggles, trying to catch your breath.

“Don’t apologize.” Namjoon says, his eyes smiling as few laughs slip out of him as well. He pets your hair while you catch your breath, his hand falling to your cheek, his eyes tender. “You look so sweet when you laugh.”

Your heart flutters. Kim Namjoon has the charm and charisma of a diplomat, but the kindness and consideration of a humanitarian. You don’t know how he manages to balance his professionalism with his personability, but he sure as hell manages it somehow. Your hand slips onto his knee and his thumb brushes your cheek, laughter still on the tips of your tongues. You feel like you're two kids on prom night, that same sort of silly sexual tension lingering between you.

He leans in, and your heart stops for a second, but his lips merely graze your forehead. He pulls back, his gaze clouded with something you can’t quite identify. “If you ever decide to add kissing to your list of services,” he says quietly, his gaze traveling over your face and down to your lips. “I’d like to be the first to know.”

You swallow. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you aren’t tempted to add it today, right now in fact, and plant one on him. But that would defeat the whole purpose of this discussion, so you somehow manage to resist the temptation.

His hand finds its way to your thigh, his eyes swirling with that indiscernible emotion, and you have to wonder if you're not the only one having to restrain yourself here.

"You'll be the first," you answer quietly, trapped under his mesmerizing gaze.

After a few agonizing moments of silence, he nods almost imperceptibly and pulls back with a smile, his hand retreating from your leg.

“Honestly,” he says, folding his hands in his lap. “I think the best solution is to talk it out with them.” It takes you a moment to realize he's returned to the matter at hand, talk of kissing you seemingly forgotten. “If you want me there, I’d be more than happy to mediate,” he offers, giving you a sidelong glance. “But if that doesn’t work, then maybe they’re not mature enough for the privilege of having you as a PhysCom.”

He shrugs, his tone and expression practical and professional. “I would recommend a suspension of your services for a few days. Remind them how much they really appreciate the work you do.”

You laugh at this option. “You want me to blue ball them?”

He chuckles wryly. “Well… consider it like discipline. If a kid isn’t treating their toys with respect, what do you do? You take away the toy and give them time to think about what they did.”

You look at him askance, surprised by his wisdom on the topic. “Since when did you know so much about raising kids?”

“I read a lot,” he replies cheekily.  “Anyway, we’d better get back out there before they start to speculate.” Namjoon stands, offering you a hand.

You take it, stand up, and start to shed his jacket, but he stops you. “Keep it on. It’s alright.” He moves the fabric back over your shoulders, his fingertips brushing your skin.

“Are you sure?” Your eyes meet his, and you can feel the tension in his gaze, ready to snap from the slightest tug.

He meets your eyes without hesitation. “I’m positive.” His gaze lingers on your lips again, and his hand brushes up from the jacket's collar to cup your neck. His thumb brushes softly along your jaw before he seems to remember himself. He pulls away with noticeable reluctance and goes to open the door. “Ladies first.”

You snort. “I’m not exactly a lady,” you reply, looking down at your nearly naked form, but you don’t argue with him and take the lead. He follows you out, shutting the door behind him.

------

The scene you return to in the dining room is unexpected. The dim, sensual lighting has been ruined by the regular lamps turned on in the corners of the room. Butlers and maids are cleaning up the table, and you count three less clients milling around than before.

It would seem the banquet is over.

"What happened?" You ask, hurrying over to Seokjin. "Where is everyone?"

He sighs and flashes you a weary smile. "I had to send Taehyung and Jimin to their rooms. They were... getting out of hand."

Yoongi snorts from across the table. "That's an understatement. Nearly started brawling. Don't know what the hell got into them."

Seokjin shoots him a warning glace. “Anyway, I thought it would be best to wrap things up for the evening.”

Your gaze darts around, checking who's still here. Jungkook, Yoongi, Seokjin, Namjoon, and... Hoseok? He's missing. "What about Master Jung?"

Yoongi's smirk fades and he looks down. "He said he wasn't feeling well. Asked to be excused."

Your stomach sinks. This is definitely your fault. Fuck, poor Hoseok. He’d been the one fucking you when you called your safe word, and you’d hate for him to think it was because of something he did. You want to run and go talk things out with him - with all of them, per Namjoon's suggestion, but your eyes catch on Jin again. His face is cast downward, a small frown on his face as he rolls a rose stem between his fingers forlornly.

You feel impossibly worse. Everything’s gone wrong. This was supposed to be his night to have you however he wants, and now the party's over before he even got to fuck you.

"Master Kim." You walk up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder and pulling his attention away from the flower. "We can… take things back to your suite, if you wish." You look up at him sweetly, hoping you can at least try to make things right.

Jin shakes his head with a thin smile. "No, pet. You've been through enough tonight." He pets your hair and heaves another sigh. “You should get some rest.”

You look down to his pants and see a tent there similar to Namjoon’s. You touch his chest, sliding your hand down his stomach and towards his crotch. “But you-”

“No.” He takes a hold of your wrist before you can make contact where he needs it most. He takes a moment to breathe, the conflict of his wants and needs clear on his face. “No, you need some rest, my pet. It’s been a very busy evening.” He brings your hand up and holds it against his cheek instead. “You shouldn’t tax yourself.”

Your heart feels like it’s sunk below the floorboards, and you can’t keep the worry out of your eyes. None of them have ever turned you down like this before. Not when they’re hard. Not when this is your job.

“Master, I’m fine to do it, honestly. Besides... I can’t just leave you like this.” You say meaningfully, knowing that he would get in trouble if he takes care of the problem himself. He seems like he’s about to assure you when Yoongi pipes up again.

“Don’t worry about him. Another slut will take care of it tonight.”

What?

Seokjin’s jaw twitches and you sense he’s restraining himself from saying something. Did they talk about this while you were gone? “He’s right, darling.”

What the fuck.

“That’s what they’re there for, after all.”

What the fuck is happening.

“Don’t worry about me, just get some beauty sleep.”

What the actual fuck?

“You’ll feel better in the morning.” 

You wrench yourself out of Jin’s grasp, unable to believe what you’re hearing. Your head is spinning, lungs suddenly short of breath. This can’t be happening. Your career, your livelihood, their favoritism… all gone in one night. It’s only a matter of time now. The more they play with the other PhysComs - the fucking Secondaries - the less special you are in their eyes.

In one evening, you’ve become… exchangeable.

You grip the edge of the table, hands shaking as you start to see red.

“Darling?” Seokjin places a hand on your back, his eyes wide with concern. “Do you need some water? Some air?” 

You jerk away from him, your despair turning to rage. “I’m not some fucking flower! Okay? I said I’m fine!”

Jin looks startled. Namjoon comes over, his voice soothing. "Everything's alright, sweetheart. Let's get you to bed, okay?"

You wrench away from him too, stumbling back. "No! It's not fucking alright!" A heavy silence follows your outburst. All you can hear is your own labored breath. All their eyes are on you, wide with concern, and fear, and… pity.

You can't stand it, can't stand the way they're looking at you. Like their fuck toy is malfunctioning… You turn on your heel and dash out of the room, knocking into Jungkook in your haste. You push him aside, but not before your eyes meet and he can see the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You ignore them as they call after you, and you escape to your room for the second time that day.

-------

As you slam your door shut, you run over and flop onto the bed to cry into your pillow. Dramatic? Sure. Do you care? Not particularly. It’s not like anyone’s here to judge you and your pity party anyway.

Fuck, this is all wrong. How could things have gone so wrong so quickly?

This whole day has been a complete and utter mess, from the moment Taehyung had tried to kiss you. Or… maybe from the moment you let it happen.

You squeeze your eyes shut, replaying every agonizing moment up until now. The kissing, the feelings, the tension at dinner, the moment you broke... fuck, that one hurt.

But being replaced... that hurts even more.

You sob for a good long while, not caring if anyone could hear you. You just need to get it out, god you haven’t cried in so long. Once it’s out of your system, you’ll be back to normal, ready to fuck at a moment’s notice like always.

But then again, you’ve only been employed for six months. Is this just what happens after a while? Do PhysComs just… break? Is that why the job has such a high turnover?

Well, if that’s the case, then you’re screwed. You might as well start begging on the street now. Sure the money you’ve earned so far is enough to float you through for a little while, but without another job to replace this one, it won’t last for very long.

Being a PhysCom is everything you’ve trained for, everything you’ve ever wanted. Without it, you’re nothing. You have no identity outside of your training, no skill set outside of pleasuring others, no prospects… no hope.

Would your family take you back in?

You know the answer immediately. No, no they wouldn’t. Not after what you did to them.

You have no friends aside from the other people you trained with, but you’ve long since lost contact with them, any ties to them were cut once you were hired and shipped off here.

Could you get another job? Highly unlikely.

Once someone becomes a PhysCom, the position is recorded on their government file, branding them for life as a personal sex worker. Random day jobs don’t hire people who were previously fuck toys, it reflects badly on their brand. New employers for PhysComs scrutinize previous positions mercilessly. Any criticism or stain on your performance record will put you out of the running in favor of someone just out of training. No one wants to take leftovers when there’s so much fresh meat on the market.

You have no plan B. Your life is ruined, crumbling apart before your very eyes.

Your ComGear buzzes incessantly, but you ignore it. They can message you all you want, you’re done for today. If they want to get off so badly, they can go find some Secondaries. Clearly, that’s the best solution while you’re here agonizing over your career and ‘getting some beauty sleep’, as Seokijn put it. Ugh.

Now would be the perfect time to masturbate and relieve some of this anger and stress. If only you could actually orgasm.

It’s only then that you see the envelope sitting at the bottom of your door. You hadn’t noticed it before, someone must have slipped it inside at some point.

You crawl off your bed with a sniff, your eyes still puffy from crying so much. It’s a small yellow envelope with your name on it. You open it, unfolding a piece of paper, creased in half to fit inside.

I’m sorry things got out of hand. I hope you can forgive me. - Hoseok ♡

The fact that he sent you a note instead of a text makes your heart feel funny. God, the world doesn’t deserve someone as good as Hoseok.

That’s it. Fuck your beauty sleep. You’ve made up your mind. You’re going to set at least one thing right from this trainwreck of an evening, and you won’t sleep until you do.

You throw on a bathrobe and peek out into the hallway outside your room, but thankfully you see no one. It doesn’t take you long to tiptoe to Hoseok’s room, and before long, you’re knocking softly on his door, the note clutched in your hand.

There’s no answer, and you worry for a moment that he might have already gone to bed. But soon the door creaks open, and Hoseok peers out. He looks awful, hair a wreck, dress shirt rumpled with a few buttons undone, and his eyes are puffy. Had he been crying, too?

“Oh,” He looks both panicked and relieved to see you. “Hi... um, listen about earlier-”

You shake your head and give him a half-smile, holding up the note as evidence. “You already apologized.”

“No, but I-” He stops, sighs, and opens his door all the way, rubbing the back of his neck. “Here, come inside. I want to talk to you.”

“Me too.” You fold your arms around yourself and go in, looking at him imploringly as he shuts the door behind you. “Master Jung, I didn’t use my safe word tonight because of anything you did. I want you to know that.”

He shakes his head, showing you a sad smile. “You don’t have to lie to me. I was the only one doing anything to you.”

Your eyebrows knit together in concern. Fuck. He does blame himself.

“Honestly, I was just… distracted. I’ve had a lot on my mind recently, so I wasn’t-”

“That’s exactly the problem.” He interrupts you with a stormy expression, and your eyes widen. He huffs. “I wasn’t considering your feelings.”

You blink in surprise. Your what now?

“I just… didn’t question Jin-hyung’s orders. Even though Jimin was reluctant to do it. I should’ve realized something wasn’t right, that you weren’t feeling up to it. I shouldn’t have let my dick do the thinking.” He looks to the floor, chewing the inside of his cheek. “I’m really sorry.”

Your mouth hangs agape. He’s talking as if this is about your whims. As if you have a say in the work you’ve already signed up for, as stated by your contract. Like having sex is negotiable.

“Hoseok…” You say his name without thinking, and his wide-eyed gaze snaps up to meet yours. “I think there’s a misunderstanding here.”

He nods. “Yeah, there is. A big fucking misunderstanding,” he laughs ruefully. “I misunderstood your place here with us. I realized tonight that… I had started seeing you as just a sex toy.”

You simply state the truth. “But that’s what I am.”

“No! You’re not!” You flinch as he shouts, his hands flying into the air. He grabs you by the arms, his eyes full of despair and regret. “You’re a human being, with thoughts and emotions and…” He realizes that he’s gripping you and hastily releases his hold. “Sorry.” He murmurs, sighing as he goes to sit down on his bed, head in his hands.

You’re a little shaken up by his passion. Why does he suddenly care about your thoughts and emotions? He should care about your feelings about as much as he cares about the feelings of their toaster oven. By the industries standards, you’re a fuck doll, nothing more. You’re not even supposed to have feelings, at least not when you’re on the job.

But… technically, right now… you’re done for the day. Off the clock.

You feel bad letting him stew in his little pit of blame, and you join him on the bed, sitting beside him. “It’s not your fault,” you reiterate. “If I really wasn’t feeling up to it, I should have taken the evening off."

Although you would never willingly do such a thing, it’s not uncommon for three or four PhysComs to be on the job for a group simultaneously, in case any of them are under the weather, or too tired to perform well.

Yours is a unique case, tackling all seven members’ pleasure single-handedly. You wouldn’t have been permitted to take on such a challenge had you not received such glowing reviews from your trainers. You’ve finally achieved what you had been working towards all that time.

Of course, now you might be at risk of losing everything.

“It was all a… stupid accident.” You might be thinking of more than just what happened at dinner, but Hoseok doesn’t need to know that.

He glances at you, still looking remorseful.

You get an idea. Why not play to your strengths? It can only benefit you to remind as many members as possible why you’re their Primary.

“You know, they say the best way to get over an accident… is to get back in the saddle.” You murmur, reaching your fingers out to graze his thigh. “Do you want to have a do-over, cowboy?”

His expression grows more concerned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Fuck no. But you’re not sure of anything recently. “It can’t hurt, right?”

Hoseok looks conflicted. He doesn’t take your hand off his leg, but you aren’t about to advance further without confirmation. He studies your face, searching for something. “Do you even want to?”

You blink. Why is everyone suddenly asking for your consent? It’s implied. You signed a contract. That’s like asking to eat the food on your plate. “It doesn’t matter what I want, master.”

“Well, it matters to me.” His voice wavers as he reaches up to touch your cheek. “Your feelings matter to me. I don’t want to think of you as some mindless sex doll, because you’re not.”

His unexpected words strike right through your heart, leaving you raw and vulnerable.

“You may act like one, but you’re not. You’re a person.” He tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, and I don’t ever want you to be uncomfortable again.”

You stare at him, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. What the hell is he saying?

“Starting now, I will never have sex with you unless you want to, okay? That’s a promise.” His eyes are like melted caramel, soft and warm and sweet, as he leans closer and starts kissing your neck. His lips are soft, apologetic. Whispering praises and apologies while his hand caresses your waist.

The stutter in your heartbeat means nothing. His words mean nothing. They don’t make any sense. Your pleasure doesn’t factor into the equation.

He can’t just do this, can’t just treat you like he cares about more than your body. He can’t cater to your deepest fantasies like this. It’s cruel.

“Hoseok,” your breath catches as he nips gently at your neck. “Master Jung-”

“I like Hoseok better. Or Hobi…” he murmurs, pulling the collar of your bathrobe aside to trail kisses along your shoulder.

“Hoseok,” you try again, a little more strength in your tone, despite how weak you feel with his lips on you like this. “This isn’t right.”

“Do you want me to stop? I will,” he says, lips hovering just above your skin.

No. No, you don’t want him to stop, says a part of your brain, the part that’s been dreaming about situations like this. Being held, being kissed, being loved… But the rest of your brain knows that you can’t risk it.

“You can do whatever you want to me. That’s the point,” you reply feebly. You’re not sure how else to get your message across, since he seems to have batted away your usual arguments. “I exist for your pleasure.”

“Well, what if I exist for yours, hm?” He smirks, pulling back to look at you. “What if I take care of you when you take care of me?”

Your eyes widen. Reciprocation goes against your entire job description, and besides, it’s pointless. He has to know that he’s breaking the rules, but he doesn’t seem to care at all.

His hand cups your jaw, his thumb running gently along your cheek. “You deserve so much more than being treated like a toy.”

You’re stunned into silence. Everything he’s saying is wrong.

But is it bad? Would it be so bad to let him take care of you, to let him appreciate you, if that’s what he truly wants?

“I exist for your pleasure… whatever form that may take.” You hesitantly reiterate the rules, if for no other reason than to clear your conscience. “If it’s what you want, then go ahead.”

He shakes his head. “Nope, sorry. It has to be something you want.” He smiles and leans closer, his eyes searching your face. “Do you want me, baby? Just be honest. Be yourself tonight.”

God damn it. You try to look away, but he gently turns your cheek back to face him. You can’t resist him. He gives you a warmth you haven’t known in ages, filling up every crack and crevice in your heart, and you desperately miss it, aching for the sensation of being wanted by someone… of being worthy.

Your willpower is dwindling. You can feel your breaking point approaching. Fuck it, if they might replace you anyway, what’s the worst that could happen?

You close your eyes, steeling yourself to let your walls down and to keep them down, at least for this little while. You inhale deeply, almost holding your breath.

“I want you, Hoseok.”

The truth comes out as merely a whisper, but once you start you can’t stop, the dam already broken. “I want you, god I want you so much, I-”

Soft lips cover your own. Oh… he’s tender and passionate all at once. His hands are greedy, unable to get enough of you, and yet they’re reverent, considerate, floating over your body and touching your face like you’re something important. Like you’re special to him.

It goes against every fiber of your being, every hour of your years of training, but fuck… it feels so good to be able to kiss him like this, with no inhibitions. He pulls you onto his lap, deepening the kiss as his hands grip your ass, pushing up the hem of your robe to really feel you.

You forget, in this moment, that he’s your client, and you wind your hands up and around the back of his neck, playing with his hair and humming into his sweet, soft lips. Everything about Hoseok feels warm, and sweet, and right. Shit, why does this feel so right?

“Good girl…” His tongue slips into your mouth and starts teasing yours, licking into your wet cavern while his hands wander over your body. He peels off your robe, slowly exposing your skin to his blissful hands and they rub and trace every curve and contour.

You can feel the smile on his lips as he glides his hands up your body. One stays on your ass, kneading the soft flesh while his other comes up to ghost over your breast, his thumb circling over your nipple with a languid motion. He’s in no rush. This isn’t a quick fuck, this is… something else, and the thrill of the unknown has you leaning into his touch, desperate to discover more.

He breaks away from your lips for air, leaning down to mouth at your other tit instead, causing you to whimper. “You’re so beautiful…” he murmurs, sucking on the sensitive bud while his hand gropes at the other side, pinching and rolling your nipple in his fingers.

You gasp at the blissful sensation, but a looming sense of dread grows as he continues, as you know his hard work won’t lead anywhere, and soon will follow the inevitable frustration of not being able to climax. The first cloud on the spotless horizon of your little tryst. 

“Hoseok…” you moan his name, rolling your hips into his lap, where you can feel his cock through his pants. “Let me do you now.” 

“Tonight’s not about me,” He doesn’t let up on his barrage of pleasure, smirking against your skin. “When was the last time you came, sweetness?”

You swallow. Shit, this wasn’t a good idea, was it?

“I… I can’t wait. Fuck me now, please...” You whine the excuse, grinding your bare pussy against his crotch. You remember what he said about doing what you desire. “I want you to fuck me, please…” Your voice drips with a very real desperation as your pleasure starts to reach its plateau.

He pulls back and chuckles. “Already? You sure you don’t want me to eat out that pretty pussy of yours? I could make you feel so good…” His tongue darts out to trace around his lips, and he slips the hand from your ass around to your front, testing how wet you are. “Fuck, I want to taste you so badly. Make you cum on my tongue, baby.”

You shake your head involuntarily, eyes wide and your cheeks turning red.

Heoseok smirks, mistaking your worry for shyness. “Aww, baby…” He kisses you again, rocking his hips up to meet yours. “It’s okay. I know this must be a big change for you.” He chuckles and scoots himself back onto the bed with you still in his lap, and you move to straddle him. “We can work up to it next time, okay?”

Next time?

You don’t have time to worry about such a troublesome prospect, as Hoseok wastes no time, fishing his cock out of his pants and lining himself up with your entrance, still fully clothed. “You ready, baby?” He leans in to kiss you again, and when you nod, he pushes slowly inside you. Hoseok’s cock is long and lithe, just like him, and it’s always able to reach your farthest corners. His stamina is also through the roof, probably from all that dancing, and whenever he plays with you, he often leaves you feeling fucked silly by the end of it. You prepare yourself for another such dizzying experience.

“Ah, fuck... “ He takes his time to sheath himself fully inside you, using the moment to feel every crevice of your walls, his cock throbbing from the sensation. You squeeze your walls around him, expecting him to start fucking you roughly any minute.

Instead his hands glide over your back, down to your ass again as he holds you almost supportively. You whine and buck desperately against his hips, but he stills your movement, silencing any complaints with another tongue-filled kiss. He takes his sweet time moving in and out of you, reaching deep inside of you with every thrust as his moans vibrate against your lips, the wet sounds of sex filling the otherwise silent room.

For some reason, your senses are heightened by his slow pace, and it feels even more intense than some of your roughest sessions. Every little twitch and rub of his hard cock into your sopping entrance has tingles of pleasure shivering up your spine, your heart racing even though he’s barely done anything. You arch your back, moaning into his mouth as he hits a particularly good angle.

He notices and adjusts his position, soon finding a lazy, easy pace to slide in and out of you, as if he has all the time in the world, and he wants to spend as much of it joined with you as possible.

“So fucking beautiful…” His voice is hoarse, thickly laced with something you can’t explain. He lays back onto the bed, pulling you with him, chest to chest, and continues to kiss you like he can’t get enough. You start to bounce on his cock, but his hands still grip you firmly at your hips, controlling the pace.

You groan at his agonizing slowness, but it feels so good, you can’t really complain. Shit, why didn’t they ask for this kind of sex more often? It feels incredible, like… like softcore porn. It’s… emotional, and raw, and deep. You feel like he’s touching your very soul with every stroke inside the furthest reaches of your core.

“Fuck, H-Hoseok…” you whimper, each languid push of his body has you trembling, aching for more. What is happening? You’ve never felt this before, this ache, this desire to keep him deep within your walls, forever sharing kisses and sweet touches.

“I’ve got you, baby,” he murmurs softly, supporting your back as he pushes even deeper with a groan. “You’re safe with me.”

You shudder and lean into him, and a memory from your training days comes to the surface.

“Never trust your client.” Madame paces in front of the class, her eyes scanning each girls’ face. “They will only betray you in the end.”

This is one of many talks Madame likes to have with her class, explaining not only the official rules, but also the practical ones. The things no one but other PhysComs would think to discuss.

“You are your own representative in their house. An independent contractor. Never let yourself be vulnerable around them.” Madame’s voice is strong and clear, full of intention.

Her eyes fall to your face, her gaze full of burning embers.

“Don’t fall for their guises of kindness.”

You gasp as Hoseok flips you two over, laying you gently onto the bed as he trails kisses up your body between murmured praises. “Fuck, baby… You’re so beautiful...”

You shudder, writhing beneath him as he lines himself up with your entrance again.

“Does it feel good, baby? Tell me.” He smiles brightly and leans down to kiss your neck, clearly pleased with his progress as he rubs his tip through your slick folds, eliciting another whimper from you. “I want to make you feel so good…”

“F-feels…”  Your voice trails off as you come upon a moment of clarity. What are you doing? How did you get into such a predicament? “Hoseok. This isn’t right.”

He stops, pulls back enough to look at you. “What’s not right, baby? I’ll fix it.”

You huff out a laugh, already feeling your stomach start to sink. “Why are you doing this?”

He looks confused. “Because I want to make you feel good.”

“No. No you don’t, because that’s not part of our arrangement,” you explain, looking up at his stunningly handsome face. A part of your heart hurts just looking at him, knowing he can never be yours.

“Well… maybe we can make a new arrangement,” he says quietly, the confidence in his eyes wavering.

You feel bad bringing the harsh truth into this when he’s worked so hard to live out this little fantasy with you, but you must. You can’t stay in this bed, in this daydream, forever. You know from experience, it’s best to rip the bandaid off, make sure he knows that this can’t be seen as anything more than indulgence and a lack of self control on your part.

 “Hobi, you don’t even know my name.” You look at him somberly, and as his face falls, you find yourself wishing the two of you were in a different world, living different lives, where you could let him kiss you and hold you and fuck you like this and not feel guilty about it. Your eyes fall downward, stewing in regret. Fuck, this would’ve hurt a lot less if you hadn’t given in and let him take your heart so easily.

You start to get up from the bed, but strong arms pull you back in, hugging you from behind.

“Hoseok.” Your tone is that of reprimanding a child. You have to be the responsible one here. It’s not his job to make sure you’re following the rules. “I should go.”

“I may not know your name, but I know you.” His voice is tender and soft, like sweet caramel, and he buries his face into the crook of your neck. “I’ve lived with you for six months, and they’ve been the best time of my life…” He plants soft kisses on your neck. “You make me happy.”

You feel numb. Why is he saying this? Doesn’t he realize how hard he’s making it to rip off this stupid bandaid?

He keeps kissing your skin, his hands skimming over your stomach and thighs. “Please…” he whispers, kissing and nibbling the shell of your ear. “Please stay with me. Just for tonight.”

Fuck. Fuck your weak heart. He can’t do this to you.

“Hobi… there are rules, I can’t just-”

“Forget the rules for a second. Do you want to stay?” He pauses his affection to give you a moment to think, and you find yourself wishing he’d continue.

Well, there’s your answer then. If there were no rules… you’d stay in this bed with him for as long as he’d let you. But you can’t bring yourself to say it. Your tongue, your lips… they won’t move, frozen in fear of the truth buried deep in your heart.

He must be able to sense your inner struggle, because his hands resume caressing and squeezing your body reassuringly. “Either way, I won’t tell anyone what happened, okay? Tonight is off the record.”

It’s those words, those stupid, considerate words, that have your paper-thin resolve crumpling once more.

You turn around in his arms, cup his jaw, and kiss him deeply, fully, your heart racing from the act of rebellion. He makes a small noise of surprise, but quickly reciprocates, a smile tugging at his lips. You exchange sloppy, heated kisses with him for several moments, basking in his natural warmth, before he pulls away.

“So… I’ll take that as a yes?” He smirks, his eyes dancing with playful affection.

You let out a laugh in spite of yourself. “Yes,” you sigh, shoving out all your worries and fears. Despite the warnings of your training days, you trust Hoseok. You have no reason not to do so. He’s shown you nothing but kindness and understanding.

He looks overjoyed at your reply, and kisses your once more, giddy and laughing throughout all of his tender little pecks. “But if you change your mind, you tell me. Alright, princess?” He coos, petting your cheek.

You nod, shy from his shower of affection.

He grins and repositions the two of you so he’s hovering above you again, and starts to unbutton his shirt. “Now, where were we?”

You blush as he exposes his smooth chest and sheds his shirt, tossing it aside. Even though you’ve seen him naked before, this feels more private somehow… almost intimate. Like he’s doing it exclusively for your benefit.

“Mm… we can stay like this all night long.” He leans down and kisses you again, taking your hand and guiding it to his chest, encouraging you to touch him. He then trails his lips down your neck and over your breasts before pausing again. “Oh, and um… do you mind telling me your name, baby?”

You blink in surprise. “Why?”

Hoseok lines himself up with your entrance, slowly starting to fuck you again, and he pulls back enough to look at you. He touches his forehead to yours, a sheepish grin on his face while he slides in and out of you, blissfully filling you up again and again.

“I want to know what name I should be moaning when I cum tonight.”

-------

Sunlight streams through the window, and you roll over to avoid it. You're too wrapped up in fantasies and dreams, and oh… wait, was last night a dream? Your heart sinks. There's no warm body next to yours. No trace of any evidence.

Maybe it’s better this way. It was a delicious dream, and you’ll file it away with the others you’ve had. Your career still needs some damage control, but at least you won’t have to deal with rebuilding your dignity after a night of misdemeanors. 

You prop up on your elbows, blinking the sleep out of your eyes and your heart stops at what you see. Hoseok's room. You're in Hoseok's room.

Well, shit… that's evidence if you ever saw it. Right? But where's Hoseok?

As if summoned by your thoughts, the boy appears from his en-suite bathroom, rubbing a towel through his hair.

The sight makes you inexplicably shy, and you bury back beneath the covers, as if to hide yourself from view. You hear him chuckle.

"Morning, princess."

You hunker down and hide even more, your heart racing. What the hell is wrong with you? You're a professional sex worker. Sex workers do not get shy the morning after.

The covers are lifted from you, revealing your face, and soft lips touch your own before you can object. "I had a great time. Did you?"

You stare up at him, looking like a Greek god in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, the one from his hair now slung around his shoulders. He’s effortlessly sexy and it’s totally unfair.

You pull your knees up to your chest, biting your lip warily. “Hoseok… about last night. What… what was that?”

He looks mildly confused, but still smiles and sits beside you, gently running his hand up and down your leg. “What do you mean?”

You look away from him. He’s too sweet, too bright for the grave clarity and turmoil seeping into your system with the arrival of the morning. “The sex. It felt… different.”

If anything, his grin grows wider. “Really? How so?” If you didn’t know better, you’d say he looks smug right now.

“I don’t know. It was like… you were filling up my whole body, not just my cunt. I felt it all over, inside and outside. It was… really good.” You mumble out the last few words, and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s practically beaming now. “Is there a word for that? What do you call that?”

Hoseok’s finger hooks under your chin, gently turning your head to face him. His eyes are warm and sparkling with humor, as if you just made a joke and didn’t realize it.

“I would call that making love,” he says softly, a hint of cheek in his tone.

Your mouth parts in shock as you recognize the truth of his analysis. “Making love?” You echo softly.

He nods with a chuckle and leans in to kiss you, his thumb stroking your cheek. “It’s like sex, but with feelings,” he explains, his eyes full of adoration as he looks at you. “Was it alright?”

It’s only as he asks you this that you realize why it felt so different.

He hadn’t given you a single command last night.

You’d had sex with him without being commanded to do it. It had just been a… mutual desire. You feel dizzy at the realization. That constitutes an explicit violation of your contract. If anyone finds out, you’ll be fired for sure.

You’re short of breath, panic taking over as the world seems to spiral around you. Hoseok’s eyes widen and he holds you steadily, pulling you into his strong arms.

“Whoa, whoa. It’s okay, w-what’s wrong?” He sounds concerned as he pets your hair, letting you rest your chin on his shoulder. “Was it… not alright?”

You shake your head, desperately trying to keep your tears at bay. The last thing you need is for him to see you cry. All your training, all your effort to get this job, your career, your livelihood, it’s all disappearing, leaving you with nothing but failure on the horizon.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks again, gently coaxing you to speak.

You inhale shakily. Hoseok is too good for this. He’d be an amazing boyfriend. He deserves an actual girl to hold who can love him the way he deserves. One who doesn’t have rules to follow and boundaries to keep. A girl who can fully give herself to him and make love with him whenever he wants. Whenever they both want. Because that’s a real relationship.

Not this. Not like what you have. You and Hoseok… you can never be like that.

Because you’re just his Physical Companion.

All of his kindness, his gentleness, it’s all wasted on you. You don’t deserve it.

“This can’t happen again.” It’s all you can manage to say.

He’s silent for a moment, rubbing your back while your breathing slowly returns to normal. “Okay,” he says softly. He doesn’t ask any questions, he doesn’t fly into a rage, he just accepts your decision, and that makes you feel even more torn. He really deserves better than this.

“But if you ever want it to happen again,” He pulls back enough to look you in the eyes, and wipes a single tear off your cheek before it can fall. “You know where to find me. Just say the word.”

He looks at you and gives you a small smile. His eyes hold more heartbreak and empathy than you thought possible, and he whispers your name just once before bestowing one last, sweet kiss to your lips.

“Come on,” he says gently, standing up and starting to get dressed. “I’ll walk you back to your room.”

-------

You feel strange as you enter your room once again, everything exactly the way you left it. Hoseok had given you a kiss on the cheek before heading downstairs to get breakfast, humming a tune to himself, like nothing at all had happened.

Maybe he was pretending for your sake, or maybe last night didn’t really mean that much to him. You shake that thought away as impossible. Not even the most skilled actors could fake the level of intimacy Hoseok showed you last night.

You sigh and head over to your bed, sitting down to process the events of the past twenty-four hours. You slept with a client outside of working hours. He made love to you. But you liked it. It felt amazing. But now you might lose your job. You feel guilty for not being able to make love to him, even though it’s a ridiculous notion in and of itself. But you broke your contract, so do the rules even matter any more?

You’re uncertain, you’re scared, but also strangely excited... liberated. You wish you had a friend or maybe even a therapist to talk to, just so you can sort all this out and get a game plan together.

Your ComGear buzzes again from your night table, and you realize it’s been going off for a while. Are they really messaging you this early?

You pick up the slim device and swipe the screen up, expecting to find many missed notifications. Instead what greets you is something utterly different.

An unfamiliar purple screen, with an empty text box in the center and a question above it.

Cardinal Rule?

Consent. The answer comes immediately, drilled into you by Madame from your training days, and you type it into the text box. A green check mark appears next to the box, and suddenly a new screen is there, successfully unlocked.

It’s a chatroom, with messages from lots of strange usernames, occasionally bumped upward by new messages. It’s active.

What the fuck?

You look a little closer and start reading the texts.

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: yeah, it’s not fair at all lol [ PCsv03_twc ]: i’m so jealous TT [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: can u send more?? ur both so cute!! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: sure! hang on ^^

A few photos appear in the next message from them. The same couple is pictured in each one, making various cute poses together, kissing each other... 

You recognize the girl.

“Sascha...?” You whisper, your heart stopping as you cover your mouth. The sight of your old friend has tears springing to your eyes. You thought you’d never see her again.

But why is she in these photos? Who is she with? Who the fuck are all these people? What the hell is going on?

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: guys hang on [ PCsv01_svt  ]: pc for bts is here [ PCsv02_svt  ]: wait for real?! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: finally!! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: GIRL HOW ARE YOU [ PCsv02_svt  ]: it’s me sascha!! ^^ [ PCsv09_$px ]: glad you made it.. [ PCsv04_blp  ]: hi there [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: eyyyyy how’s it goin?

You stare in confusion and fear at the messages. Could that actually be Sascha? How is this possible?

You slowly type out a message, your curiosity overpowering your fear, and hit send before you can stop yourself.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: what the fuck is going on [ PCsv01_bts  ]: what is this place

A reply comes quickly.

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: this is the private network for physcoms [ PCsv01_svt  ]: it’s inaccessible to anyone but us [ PCsv02_svt  ]: don’t worry! it’s safe here ^^ [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: welcome to the dark web babes B) I’m blake

Your palms are sweating. Dark web? Private network?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: what do you mean? that’s impossible [ PCsv01_bts  ]: who set this up?? [ PCsv03_mtx ]: I know it sounds fake but this is legit [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: ur mom did lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: Madame did! and other pc trainers~

You try to make sense of it. Another memory surfaces, one from your very first week at training. You had collapsed during basic stamina extensions trying to get the best score and outdo your classmates, and Madame had called you and your fellow trainees together for a talk...

“Girls. We are independant, yes. We are strong, yes.” Madame’s gaze sweeps across the worn out faces, her own expression steely, with an underlying kindness. Madame is strict, but only because she knows it’s what’s best for all of you.

“We must always rely on ourselves in this business,” she continues. “But also on each other.” 

“You are all in the same boat together. We PhysComs are the belittled backbone of society. Needed, but kept hidden. Brushed aside when it comes to our own needs. No one is on our side… except our fellow sex workers.” Her gaze drops to the floor for a moment, and the room is utterly silent while she collects her thoughts.

She turns her gaze to you, as if appraising your behavior. “I believe you all have the potential to be the best workers in the industry. But you won’t get there on your own.”

You swallow, but meet her gaze with determination.

She gives the slightest huff at your boldness, her gaze scanning the crowd again. “Stick together. Help each other succeed. You’ll find it’s much better that way.”

At the time, you thought she meant supporting each other during training. But… could this be what she was hinting at? A PhysCom support group?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: Madame did this? [ PCsv06_ast  ]: lots of people contributed~ [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yup! micha is here too!! ^^ [ PCsv03_mtx ]: that would be me :) how’ve you been?

Micha? Another trainee from your group. You didn’t talk to her as much, but you remember she was cool and friendly. How could this be happening? What does all of this mean?

A thought occurs to you and a flash of fear hits your stomach. What if this is a setup? A ploy by your network to scope out rulebreakers - of which you are now one.

Fuck. How can you be sure this is real?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: I… don’t trust this [ PCsv03_mtx ]: I didn’t at first either but it’s cool [ PCsv01_svt  ]: I understand your hesitation [ PCsv01_svt  ]: but this network is completely detached from your old one [ PCsv01_svt  ]: you’re off the grid [ PCsv02_svt  ]: connecting to the network also jailbreaks your gear!! you can use it like a phone now ^^

Wait, what? You tap back to your home screen. It looks like the boys’ phones. Instead of a handful of apps only approved by your network, you now have an app store, web browser, camera app, and standard phone and messaging apps instead of the restricted ones from before.

Holy shit.

You tap back into the chatroom, typing another message.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: who are all of you? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: we’re PhysComs just like you [ PCsv01_svt  ]: I’m Antione [ PCsv06_ast  ]: hi~ nice to meet you! [ PCsv06_ast  ]: my name’s aashi hehe

This is all too much to take in. These are all other PhysComs?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: how did I get here? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: you were playing solitaire, right? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: used the find your friends option? [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: boom that’s how you got here babes B) [ PCsv01_bts  ]: that… doesn’t make any sense [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: doesn’t have to, ur here now lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: think about it! what do you do when you need help? find your friends! ^^

So… a solitaire app is the gateway to the PhysCom dark web? You shake your head, trying to wrap your mind around the absurdity. You feel like you’re in a weird dream.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: this is… bizarre [ PCsv01_bts  ]: sascha… who was in those pictures? [ PCsv02_svt  ]: oh! that’s Josh~ he’s my client <3 [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: and her boyyyfrieeend lolol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yeah hehe ^///^ my adorable namchin~~

Um… what?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: wait wtf [ PCsv01_bts  ]: client?? boyfriend?? [ PCsv01_bts  ]: which is he? [ PCsv02_svt  ]: both… <3

Your eyes are glued to the screen, your heart racing. This isn’t possible. Sascha is… dating her client? She can’t be. That’s not allowed. She’ll be fired.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: you can’t do that sach! you’ll lose your job... [ PCsv02_svt  ]: aww no I won’t honey~ it’s okay [ PCsv02_svt  ]: we’re all dating clients! ^^ [ PCsv06_ast  ]: well.. most of us haha [ PCsv09_$px ]: not all of us are that lucky... [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: some of us are dating multiple clients ;) [ PCsv01_svt  ]: happens all the time

What sort of alternate reality have you stumbled upon…?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: um how are you not all fired? [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: ummmm bc they want to date us too?? Lol [ PCsv01_svt  ]: since we’re all disconnected, the only real risk is if the client informs their company of the relationship [ PCsv02_svt  ]: but Joshie would never do that! he wants to be with me, even if it’s in secret <3 [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: she got him whipped lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yeah... I do ^^ hehe [ PCsv01_svt  ]: as long as feelings are reciprocated, being fired is almost impossible

This is either a trap, or they’re all crazy. They can’t just date their clients, it goes against every rule in the book. And yet...  you sense a glimmer of hope in spite of yourself. If they can do it, then why can’t you?

Your thoughts are interrupted by a sudden knock on your door and you nearly jump out of your skin. You shove your ComGear under your pillow and rush to go answer it, your heart beating out of your chest and cheeks flushed from your rebellious activities.

You try to tame your hair and take a deep breath before answering the door, your brain still whirring in an attempt to make sense of all that you just read.

Jimin and Taehyung stand outside, both looking embarrassed. Taehyung gives you a small smile.

“Morning, jagiya. Do you have a minute?”

[cutietobio]

Can i request an akaashi angst with happy ending where reader has amnesia?

sure, hope you like it, anon! (also, my throat hurt writing this because I was like- so close to crying my dude wtf, I hope my emotion while reading this isn’t one-sided)

AKAASHI

“Why are you still here?” Akaashi freezes in place at your words, his hand hovering midway to where his drink settled on the table next to your hospital bed. Slowly, he retracted it, allowing his hand to fall in his lap as he bawled the material of his pants in his fist.

He stared at the spotless, white tiles below, trying his best to wrap his head around your question. Why was he still there? Because he loved you, of course. He couldn’t very well say that, however, for you wouldn’t understand and that would just cause more confusion. With your questioning, Akaashi couldn’t help but wonder if you didn’t want him there in the first place. He couldn’t blame you, you were suffering temporary memory loss and had no idea who he was, why should you want a complete stranger beside you throughout almost every second of the day? 

It may seem foolish, but Akaashi had been hoping that despite your forgotten memory of him, you would find yourself at ease with his presence.

With a forced smile that was obviously downcast, his eyes fluttered up to meet your own, “Because I care about you.”

You stared back at him, licking your dry lips as you thought. Hesitantly, you spoke, “But I don’t remember you.” As if your words had caused him physical pain, Akaashi grimaced and his eyes fell from your face.

“I know this,” he laughed, it was devoid of any humour and it made your stomach churn. This man was hurting, and you wished to find it in yourself to relate to him - but with not an inch of memories reappearing, it was extremely difficult to do so. Even now, you were unable to process your own feelings. How could you even think about understanding him?

“Yet,” you started off softly, voice wavering in uncertainty, his glancing up to meet yours at the sound of your words. They give you the strength to continue, “You still stay here by my side, even if I don’t know who you are?”

Akaashi nods and you dip your head, falling into a small daze. He doesn’t interrupt you.

“You must really care for me a lot, thank you,” you turn to look at him, offering the best smile you could in hopes that it brings some sort of reassurance. Akaashi responds with a smile of his own, except it’s sad and ghost-like. Your breath hitches in your throat,

“I really hope-” you cut yourself off, clearing your throat, your voice was much too rushed and high-pitched just then, “I really hope I remember you soon, Akaashi.” 

“I hope so too,” he glances over you one last time before getting up and circling around the bed you sat upon. His gaze lingers upon the medical machinery and the various fluid-filled bags hooked upon the IV Bar beside you. It appeared to bring him suffering, seeing you that way.

“I’ll get you some lunch, I know how much you hate the hospital food,” with a final nod, Akaashi leaves the room and you’re left wondering just how close the both of you were before your accident. 

-

“Did I really do that?” you whine out in embarrassment, hiding your reddened face in your hands. Akaashi laughs, and you refuse to admit the way it makes your chest bubble with warmth.

“Yes, you did. It was quite amusing, but I wouldn’t allow you to suffer embarrassment like that for much longer. So, I managed to take you somewhere less crowded,” Akaashi explained, a genuine smile on his face as he recalled the memory of your drunken state. 

“And then what happened?” you questioned, hoping he would go on for longer. Hearing him retell all these stories about the both of you had been the best entertainment you have had for the past two weeks - you were also hoping it would repair your memories.

Akaashi fell silent, a blush dusting his cheeks. Your eyebrows furrowed, confused by his sudden silence.

“Keiji?” you question, having grown comfortable enough to address him by his first name. When you had first done it, he was stricken with surprise. You could tell just how happy he had been, however, behind his collected demeanour. If it made him happy, you found yourself being even happier.

“Well, it would be improper to discuss what happened in detail, but you were a bit..excited in your state,” his words almost made you choke on your spit, heat rushing to your cheeks at a frightening speed. You had almost forgotten that the two of you were involved romantically.

“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight,” you groaned, rubbing at your face in distress, hoping it would somehow calm you down.

“There’s no need to apologize, I managed to turn you down without hurting your feelings. Even if you didn’t remember it the next morning, I would never take advantage of you like that,” the room fell silent, albeit for your shuffling under the sheets.

“You’re a really sweet guy, Keiji. I-” you dropped your hands from your face, turning to look at him, “I’m not surprised that I wa- am so attracted to you. Even if I don’t regain my memories... I would really like to try again, with you,” you smile and Akaashi feels his heart clench. Whether it be from relief, despair, happiness or a combination of all three. 

“I would like that, very much,” he barely manages to whisper out, his voice strained and calculated - as if he trying to stop himself from crying at any second. “Please, excuse me for a moment.”

You watch as Akaashi gets up and leaves the room in a slight hurry that only you’re able to pick up on, you’re given no chance to call out to him as the door closes gently behind you. Even in his rush, he’s still so caring. 

Akaashi presses his forehead against the cold tiles of the bathroom stall, tears flow down his cheeks freely as his body racks with silent sobs. His hands clench up into fists and they tremble along with the rest of his body. Taking in a shaky breath, he tries to compose himself, but the tears are stubborn and refuse to let up. He has no control over them.

Akaashi tries not to think about it - he tries not to think about the diamond engagement ring stuffed deep inside his drawer at home  - the very ring he meant to propose to you with on the day of your accident. 

It’s inevitable, as his mind lingers there almost immediately. The sound of his sobbing grows louder, as he squeezes his eyes shut for the darkness is more pleasant than the blurriness that his tears bring. Akaashi claps a hand over his mouth, muffling his cries from any unwanted attention. Just as he’s beginning to calm down, he thinks back to you and the past two years you had spent together - why had they all amounted to this, what had the both of you done to deserve such punishment other than love each other? 

The tears regain their steady flow and the sobs reappear. Akaashi whimpers into his hand - his heart aches with the thought of you never regaining your memories. It was relieving to know that you were willing to give him a second chance but what Akaashi wanted more than anything wasn’t to start anew because your relationship from before was perfect and there was no need to - he was hoping to propose to you, damn it, he wanted to do so that he could surely say he lived with no regrets in life. 

 Your accident had caused quite a scare, more than that, actually. It left Akaashi shaken, knowing that you were just a smidge close from being ripped from his grasp forever, without even the opportunity to advance your relationship to the next step. Now, everything had regressed back to step one. 

His cries grew silent over the past half hour, he was nothing more than a lifeless shell sitting with an unmoving gaze upon the floor. Dried tears caked his cheeks, chin and neck while his hand which had been used as a temporary muzzle had been wet with strings of his saliva. 

 Eventually, Akaashi stood from the toilet seat, making his way out of the bathroom stall to freshen up the best he could. 

Having just splashed his face with cold water, Akaashi tensed at the force that the bathroom door had swung open. His eyes were stolen immediately by the movement as he pulled back from the sink to observe. His shoulders slumped at the sight of Bokuto - who offered him a consoling smile, noticing his puffy eyes.

“Yo, dude, I’m here to take you home. Make sure you shower and eat a proper meal and all that stuff,” Akaashi sighed, turning to look at his reflection in the mirror. Bokuto’s smile faltered as he walked over to his friend, resting a hand on his shoulder in a means of comforting him. “I’m sure she’ll remember you soon enough, dude. The doctor said to give it a few weeks, don’t lose hope,” Bokuto shook his shoulder lightly, meeting eyes with Akaashi through the mirror.

“I’m not losing hope, I’m not losing her.”

-

Under the watchful supervision of Bokuto, Akaashi had only returned to the hospital the next day. He was served a home-cooked meal which he ate with zero strife, having missed eating proper food. A shower came next, and Akaashi changed into fresh clothing, under the impression that he would be going back to the hospital straight after. Bokuto, had other plans, as he hid Akaashi’s car keys and forced him to at least sleep before leaving. He did so with little argument, only due to the prospect that the quicker he went to bed the quicker he would wake up and be able to see you again,

When he entered your hospital room, carrying your favourite flowers (which he had asked what they were the day before, only to find out they remained unchanged from before losing your memory), he had expected your usual greeting from upon your bed.

Instead, he was met with a force strong enough that he staggered back upon impact, managing to catch his balance before peering down in confusion. His facial features visibly softened at the sight of your familiar (h/c) head resting upon his chest whilst you hugged him with enough pressure that it actually hurt, but Akaashi was much too overcome with delight to process the pain. 

Unknowingly, tears streamed down his face, having thought he wouldn’t feel such a sensation in a while. Akaashi wrapped you up in his embrace, pulling you as close as physically possible against his body, one of his hands came up to cradle your head which ushered you to nuzzle closer into his chest.

“Keiji, I remember now.”

[knjnvrland]

Prank Wars - ch. 6

> pairing | jungkook x reader

> word count | 4.5k

> genre | college!au, fluff, smut, angst

> warnings | swearing, some really vanilla sexual acts, fingering, unprotected sex.

> synopsis | College can be a stressful time in anyone’s life as it is, why don’t we throw a little prank war in the mix to make it harder?

> fic masterlist

> A/N | English is not my first language, I’m sorry for the eventual spelling mistake, please let me know if you find any!

CHAPTER 6 - No-Bra Girl

Your room was way too bright, did you forgot to close the windows the night before? You woke up annoyed, feeling like you could sleep for 5 more hours at least, but something inside you said you shouldn’t. You extended your arm to your bedside table to try and reach for your phone, but came up empty. Still dazed, you opened your eyes and took a look around: yup, the curtains were left wide open, and by how bright it was, even for a winter day, you could tell the sun has been up for a while. Alice was still asleep on her bed on the other side of the room, you noticed she had the patience of getting into her pijamas, while you only bothered to take off your jeans and bra and fell asleep wearing the same shirt you had on the night before. Oh! The night before! You knew you should’ve said no to the going out after Hoseok’s performance, but how could you say no to Jimin when he was so happy that he didn’t mess up the backup dancing? Hobi too, was so happy to finally deliver what he had been practicing the entire semester, you just had to go. But you surely didn’t need to drink as much as you did.

You got up with a groan and stretched your back, walking over to Alice’s bed to look for her purse. It was on the floor besides her, as always, and you checked it to see if she had your phone. When you realized it wasn’t there you decided to nudge her just to ask, you knew you needed it for something, you just couldn’t remember what now. Alice turned around, not yet awake, and you nudged her again.

“Hey, Al, do you have my phone?” You whispered, when she seemed more awake.

“Huh?” She opened one of her eyes and looked for your face.

“My phone. I can’t find it, do you have it?” Noticing the confused look in your friend’s face you continued “from last night, you must have took it when we got out”

“Have you checked my purse?” She opened her other eye and letted out a yawn.

You signaled ‘yes’ with your head “it's not there either”. Alice frowned and turned to pick up her stuff, looking once again.

“Then I don’t have it, love, you must have forgotten it at the bar, maybe check if one of the boys have it?” She took her own phone from under her pillow and gave it to you, and you dialed the first number you found: Yoongi’s, obviously.

It rang until it reached his voice mail, and the same happened with every single boy you called next. You began trying to call you own number, hoping whoever had it was a nice enough person to give it back, but with no luck still. You kept calling their numbers and after almost half an hour of it, Alice stopped you.

“They're probably passed out, your phone will appear eventually.” She took her own device back from you. “Maybe focus on studying?”

And that’s when it hit you: all your notes were on your phone. You kept them there so it was easier to study on the go, instead of taking notes in your computer like everyone else. And you had a final in two days and already lost half of all the braincells you could spare that morning in search of one of your stupid friends and brothers. And so the panic ensued. You started to hyperventilate immediately and could tell Alice noticed when her eyes grew twice as big as they usually were.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” She took your hands in hers, a method she learned would help someone to focus. It worked on you for a split second, but then you were back to panicking. There was no way you could have all the work done and all the notes taken again in time for the test, you’d fail and have to repeat the entirety of the class and then you’d mess up all your curriculum and have to postpone other classes to still maybe graduate on time and you knew you had to graduate on time otherwise there would be no way you could maintain yourself without your parent’s help and being the youngest you knew they were getting fed up with their children needing stuff all the time and- “Hey, y/n. Breathe.”

You took a deep breath on auto-pilot and finally focused on Alice on her knees in front of you. “All my notes are on my phone, I really need it today.”

“Ok, I’ll drive to Yoongi’s and see if he has it, I have a key to his place, I’m sure we can find it.” She stood up, and you realized she was already showered and dressed, probably doing it all while you called the guys non stop. “I'll come back as soon as possible, I’m taking my phone but keep your computer on so I can message you on facebook if I find out anything” she gave you a peck on the head and left without looking back.

You started to pace around the room, but finally you realized it was to no use and took your books to the living room, sitting on the floor by the coffee table to try and redo all your work, just in case your phone was lost forever.

Jungkook woke up earlier then he wished he did, but he was getting late on school work because of all the practices and end-of-year games he was playing, so he had to make the best out of his weekends. He had a test on Monday and although it wasn’t a final, yet, it still accounted for a good amount of his grade. He also needed to tidy up the place and get his laundry done. There were few things in life that Jungkook took as seriously as his laundry, he just couldn’t stand dirty clothes piling up and his worst nightmare came through when the washing machine in his building broke. Lucky for him, the dorms were closer than the boy’s place and Alice was nice enough to give him clearance to use the machines that were on the basement, and so he had been doing for a while.

He parked his car as close as he could to the entrance and noticed Alice’s wasn’t in it’s usual place. He went straight to the basement, taking his clothes with him in a white laundry sack. Getting there it wasn’t hard to spot the machine assigned to your floor. The building had three rooms per floor and a machine for each of them, with a couple baskets provided and a schedule on the wall. The time assigned for Alice and you was mornings, but you usually washed your clothes late night, after the other room had taken theirs out, so you wouldn’t have to wait there, just having to return the next morning to retrieve your clean itens. Jungkook didn’t knew this when he first started taking his clothes there, just assuming one of you was faster then him in the mornings. 

It was Alice that explained this habit of yours to him, and told him she usually just took your belongings out and left on the basket on top of the machine, so you’d just come and collect it later. He started to do the same and for the first couple of times it was all innocent, but he grew annoyed fairly quick and, just as a small social experiment, started to take an item of your clothing every time he found the washing machine filled with your stuff. It wasn’t supposed to go on for as long as it did, but you never noticed and so he kept going. It has been almost a month now, and he had already filled a drawer at his place with your stuff; mismatched socks, a few shirts, a pair of jeans he knew you liked and even a bra once, granted, but he only took it because the thought of you, at 21, still wearing bras with cute animal printed on them amused him to his core.

He did the same that day, picking up a grey sweater he had seen you wearing a lot lately and putting it inside his bag. He took out his phone to listen to some music while he waited, and realized he had a few missed calls from Alice, and a message on the group chat asking if anyone had seen your phone. He almost forgot about it this morning, but at the last second he remembered to take it with him to drop it off to you. He had done nothing bad to it, just took a couple of selfies so you’d remember who saved your ass when you retrieved it, and just before he could do anything else, another message popped up on the group chat.

Alice (yg gf): srsly guys, where are you?  Alice (yg gf): I’m @ Yoongi’s and he’s not here?? Alice (yg gf): Has anyone seen anyone? Alice (yg gf): Jungkook doesn’t seem to be home either??? Alice (yg gf): unless,,,, is he dead? Did any of you finally ended him? Alice (yg gf): (jk JK, ily) Alice (yg gf): aha jk jk, got it? I’m so funny lol

Jungkook chuckled to himself and began to type, but someone else was faster.

RM hyung: what got into you this morning? Alice (yg gf): Finally! Do you know where’s everybody? RM hyung: Nope RM hyung: Just got home, there’s no one here Alice (yg gf): wtf where’s everyone? Your sister’s freaking out RM hyung: ?? Alice (yg gf): she lost her phone Alice (yg gf): all of her notes were on it RM hyung: let me shower and I’ll send her what I have from last year Alice (yg gf): yeah do that Alice (yg gf): and pls let me know if you find anyone else Alice (yg gf): I’m going to Jin’s to see if there’s anyone there RM hyung: for sure RM hyung: ttyl

Jungkook locked his phone and took yours from his other pocket, climbing the stairs to your floor so he could return it to you. He only ringed the doorbell twice before you opened the door. Your hair was a mess and he could tell you still haven’t showered. You were wearing the same shirt as the night before and a pair of sweater pants, and the look you gave him when you opened the door warned him you were not in a good mood.

“Hey..?” He greeted you, uncertain.

“What do you want?” He widened his eyes at your rude response and you felt a bit bad and took a deep breath “I'm just having a terrible morning"

“Something related to this?” Jungkook lifted your phone so you could see it and you grabbed it immediately. It had run out of battery but it sure was yours. “You’re welcome."

“Oh my god I’ve been looking for this all morning” you stepped back inside, going to your room to retrieve your charger and turn your phone back on as soon as possible. “You have no idea the hell I’ve been in without it”

Jungkook followed you, closing the front door behind him. He took in the mess you made out of the living room. There was a cup of probably cold coffee staining the glass table and your books were open everywhere. Your laptop was also open but on the sofa, and he could see the messenger tab opened in Alice’s contact and way more blue messages then gray ones, so you must’ve been spamming her without a break ever since she left. There was a blanket on the floor, even though the heater was on a very high temperature, and he picked up a pink marker on his way to your room that he believed was in your hand just seconds before.

“Really why can’t you pick up your phone?” You plugged in your phone but it wouldn’t turn on just yet, so you were pacing around, picking up stuff and dropping it again, clearly anxious and trying to occupy your hands with something “I've been freaking out since I woke up, you could’ve at least texted Alice last night to tell her you had it. I have to tell her you’re here, she’s driving around town looking for any of you, really, what happened after we left for you all to disappear? Yoongi hates to sleep over anywhere that’s not his house, oh great, now I’m worried something bad happened to anyone else. But if it was serious we would know, right? I just really have to focus on the test I have monday, I can’t stress with anyone else’s business. That’s why I never had friends, they’re so much work! Now I have to worry about weather Jimin and Hobi and oh God even my brothers, I have no idea where they are either and I can’t even begin to-"

Jungkook couldn’t stand your pacing around anymore, and as much as he tried to grab your attention to explain, you never. stopped. talking. So he did the only thing he could think of that would surely shut you up: he kissed you. And you know what? You kissed him back. But only for a second before you pushed him away.

“What the fuck?” You were trying to catch your breath. If because of all the talking or the kiss not even you were sure, but Jungkook had this smug smile on his face and you just hated it.

“I couldn’t shut you up” He stated, like it was nothing.

“Never do that again! What if anyone find’s out oh no they already think there’s something weird between us now is not the time to-“… and he kissed you again. But now he had his hands on your waist, pulling you closer, and you took a little longer to react.

“Will you stop?” You pushed him away, confused about the whole situation.

“You were going to start spiraling again, I’m just doing preventive control”

“I'm not going to deal with this now” you turned around, searching your phone again, but it was still dead. You pretended to check the cord, that you knew for sure was just fine, but could still feel Jungkook’s eyes on you. “Stop looking at me.”

“I'm not.” Jungkook deviated way too fast, just giving you the confirmation that he really was watching.

“What are you still doing here, anyway?” You turned back at him and he had his hand on his back, scratching mindless, the motion lifted his shirt just enough for you to peek at his v line. He wasn’t looking at you, so he didn’t notice it, but when your eyes finally locked, you could see there was something there that was new.

“I don’t know, really. Waiting to see if I have to shut you up again…?” He gave you a boyish smile, and although you tried to remain annoyed, the corner’s of your mouth gave you away. “You liked it.” His smile grew.

“No I didn’t" you were quick to answer this time, trying to get out of your room and back to your studies, but Jungkook held your waist again, softer this time, and made you look at him.

“I can do it again” it was barely a whisper, but you were close enough that you understood it perfectly. You couldn’t deny that the kiss did indeed shut your mind up for a bit, as well as your mouth, and it would be nice to have the distraction. You stood on the tip of your toes and started getting closer to him. But you also had to study quite a lot that day, and Alice would be back any second now.

Jungkook noticed your uncertainty and, before he himself could think too much about this, he closed the distance between the two of you.

This kiss lasted longer, at first he was shy, but when you reciprocated, the both of you established a rhythm and he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, to which you responded doing the same. He had one of his hands still on your waist and the other at the back of your neck, pulling you closer. You had both of yours on his chest, filling him up a little, you admitted. The first move came from you, lowering your fingers through his torso, stopping just at the hem of his shirt. He broke off the kiss and took a good look at your face. Your pupils had doubled in size and a silent question was asked. The answer was your lips back on his. There was anger in the touch, but also passion. He knew the best sex came from either of those scenarios, and the thought of having a bit of both excited him to no end. You motioned for him to take of his shirt and you separated a little for him to do so, finding each other again immediately after. You closed the door and took a few steps back, until you felt the edge of your bed behind your knees. The both of you found the mattress while breaking the kiss for just enough time so you could appreciate his nice physique. 

He started to lift off your shirt and you raised your arms to allow him. 

“Didn't pick you out as a no-bra girl” he breathed out, trying to mask how turned on he was at the sight of your exposed breasts. You rolled your eyes and pulled him back to you, scratching him on the back of the neck as a warning sign, but it had the opposite effect, as all it took from the boy over you was a moan. “I can play dirty too”.

Jungkook then bit on your lip while moving his hand all the way under you to grab your ass, giving it a harsh squeeze. You jumped a little in surprise, but had no other reaction seeing as not a second later he grinded a bit on you. You opened your legs more as a reflex, letting him get comfortable between them. You started to move your hips a bit, trying to get in sync with him while still keeping the rhythm of the kiss. You could feel how hard he was getting and the sounds he made gave you all the clearance you needed to extend one hand between the two of you and start to draw the outline of his member on his pants. He groaned into the kiss and you could feel yourself getting wet because of the sound and the friction.

You started to kiss his neck and he freed one of his hands only to untie the knot on your sweater pants and make his way in between your legs, starting to move his fingers in circles over your panties. You could feel how hard he was and shoved him from over you so you could both get naked already, before any of you had the chance to second guess what you were doing. You never saw someone take off their pants as fast as Jungkook took his, but you were quick to follow.

Before he could get himself comfortable on top of you again, you signaled for him to lie down on your bed “I like to be on top”, his eyes widened not because he was surprised, honestly, he knew you were a control freak, but the time it took him to get comfortable was enough so he could get a good look at your body and damn, he was turned on. You started to kiss him again and he moved one of his hands to massage your clit in between the two of you.

“Don't you want a little bit more of foreplay?” He broke the kiss again to ask but your only answer was to motion on top of his hard member, silencing him immediately. He helped you get in position and soon enough you could feel him getting inside of you. It took you a moment to adjust to his size. It’s been a while since you last got laid and you admit you started to forget the feeling. “Is this okay?” Jungkook had his hand on your waist, waiting for you to move first, you could tell it was taking a tool on him, but his eyes showed nothing but concern. That is, until you started moving. He closed his eyes and threw his had back as you began to go up and down on him, slowly at first but in a nice rhythm.

He started to help you out a bit, guiding your waist with his hands, and you lowered yourself to kiss his exposed neck a bit more. The position gave you the extra friction you needed and you started to move faster. You bit his collar bones as he moaned, and you could feel his chest getting sweaty, but it didn’t bother you at all. He started to trust harder into you and you could feel yourself getting close to your climax, he grabbed the back of your neck pulling you closer so he could kiss you some more, and you could tell he was not far either, as his movements were starting to get sloppy. 

You were really almost there when a sound deviated your attention. On your bedside table your phone had just turned on, and an avalanche of notifications came through all at once. It served as a wake up call and before you could do anything else, you felt Jungkook coming undone under you. You lifted yourself from him and he tried to hug you to keep you close, but you were already getting up from the bed and looking for your clothes. You couldn’t see the expression on the boy’s face as you got dressed again, but confusion was a given. There were few moments in his life where Jungkook was left speechless, specially after having sex with a good looking girl, but you really threw him off. He didn’t know how to react at the sudden change of mood, and could just lay there, watching you get as far from him as possible. Was he that bad at sex? He was sure he wasn’t. Granted, this time wasn’t his best, but he could tell you were enjoying just a moment ago.

You walked to your phone to check what was on it once you were fully dressed again, and with you peripheral vision you could see Jungkook getting up to put on his clothes too. Aside from a few social media notifications, and a few messages from your classmates either asking you for your notes or sending you theirs, it wasn’t much. That is, until you saw a few texts from Alice.

Alice <3: ok asshole I know you have y/n’s phone Alice <3: i’m going home now to tell her Alice <3: and as much as it annoys me Alice <3: i don’t want you dead Alice <3: and you will be as soon as I tell her you have it Alice <3: so you should probably show up Alice <3: like really fast

“You have to go” you didn’t even look at Jungkook and you had no time to worry about hurting his feelings right now “Alice is coming”

“Oh shit, okay.” He only had his shirt left to put back and as he was doing it you got a final glance of his abs. Damn it y/n now was really not the time. “We should talk about this though” Did he catch you staring? From the smirk on his face, probably. But again: now was not the time.

“I was stressed, you were there, no big deal, we talked, now please go” you said while walking to your front door, with Jungkook trailing behind.

“No, I mean it” he was annoyed “I don’t want to make things weird” you took a deep breath with your back turned to him. You didn’t want things to get weird either, and you knew it was best if the two of you took a minute to talk about it, but the thought of Alice getting home and sensing something had happened was mortifying and you didn’t want to risk it.

“It's not weird” you turned to him then, but you didn’t sound convincing at all “really, we’re good, nothing changed, I still find you an asshole, but we’re friends, let’s stay friends, alright?” His lips were pressed together in a thin line and you could not guess what he was thinking at all, but he nodded his head and grabbed his bag he had left by your entrance door. You felt bad all over again so, just as he was leaving you grabbed the hem of his shirt and made him look back at you “we're okay, right?”

He took a second to answer “yeah, we’re okay.” He didn’t change his expression, but you could tell he was genuine, so you let go of him and he left. You closed the door, but only felt relieved once you heard the heavy door of the stairs closing behind him.

You probably stayed a second too long leaning on your door, collecting your thoughts, but your phone started ringing and you noticed it was Namjoon, probably receiving all your facebook messages at once and wondering if you were alive. You would worry about Jungkook some other time, you had a final to ace.

…But you should probably take a shower first and relieve the rest of your stress.

Jungkook got back to the laundry room to get his things, but he didn’t even remember getting there. He was the type of person that liked cuddling after sex, even if it was just a one night stand. He really wasn't used to being thrown out as fast as you did him, and he couldn’t tell if you were really okay or if you hated him. For fuck’s sake, you were his friend's sister, what kind of mess was he getting himself into? By the time he reached the machine, he had already convinced himself that your reaction, although annoying, rude and a little bit hurtful to his ego, was probably for the best. He was removing his clothes from the washing machine when he noticed yours, still on the basket he had put them in. It would probably be there for a while and you would probably forget about it until Alice finds it and brings it up to you. 

Without a second thought, he grabbed the basket and dumped all that was on it onto his bag with his stuff. He closed it with a bit of difficulty and got the hell out of there. Jungkook was no thief, he always intended to give you your clothes back, and that hasn’t changed. He was just thinking of a more creative way to do so, now.

>A/N | I have a really hard time writing fast/small smut scenes, sorry, it will get better in the future, promise. Let me know what you think, though! Also, if your name didn't show up in the taglist please message me, I'm afraid I might get lost in the notifications and forget to add someone. Have a nice day, wherever and whoever you are :)

TAGLIST |  @w1tchcraftt​ @girlwiththeglittereyeliner​ @teresaisla​ @nctssidehoe​  @kawaiimusiccollection​ @nininek12​ @livewittykid​ @namjoonsslutakakoreanmanswhore​ @planhtarxhs​ 

TAGLIST IS OPEN!

[heyyylittlemo]

Ask game

1. Where did you hide the body??

Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—

*police stare at me with disbelief*

Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.

*cops shake head*

*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off

Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying

me: 👁👄👁

2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌

3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.

4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣

5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.

6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?

- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback

3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.

4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”

5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.

6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)

7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.

8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...

9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE

10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service

11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).

12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.

13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.

14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl

15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.

16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more

17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣

18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference “ is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑

Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐

17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao

18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏

19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!

20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol

21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.

22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*

23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.

24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there

25. Are u hungry ? Nope

26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”

27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt

28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies

29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore

30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂

31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.

32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.

33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect

34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—

35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.

36. Are u a descisive person?

Not sure.

*pAuse *

Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣

37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc

38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol

39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.

40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties

41. Who? You.

42. What? Reading this shit

43. Where? In ur ass

44. When? Now.

45. Why? Not even u know why.

46. How? We all want to know

47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.

48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch

49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible

50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that

51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣

52. I’m really confused so I skip

53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬

54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection

55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️

56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐

57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐

58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!

59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...

60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌

Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^

[badanimereviews]

summer 2019 anime sum-up

lmao i realized i never did this and posted the fall season b4 this.... oops

kimetsu no yaiba: tbh started out kinda meh. and now it’s turned into one of the new big shounens. i was not expecting that. nearing the end got rly good and i was rly looking forward to more episodes! tanjiro gets cooler and cooler! animation is rly nice (thanks ufotable) and the way tanjiro’s water is animated. like. aesthetic asf. it’s so good. i love black-haired emo dude and zenitsu (my spirit animal) and ofc nezuko she is adorable im c r y. side note: the hashira? i think they’re called? some of the ugliest fkn characters i’ve seen in ages like flame boy? stone boy? i HATE them. and the gem dude too like man get a new tattoo artist on god.... he needs it.,,,,,,and inosuke is so pretty it’s unfair

dr stone: ok man dr stone rly went off. tbh. i’ve always been a whore for chemistry since reading the flavia de luce series (btw, i want more books of) and watching this just tickles my noodle brain in a good way... who needs prozac when i get a shitton of serotonin from watching senku dick around....  (btw what is going on with what’s his face and the girl. yuzuriha????? i can’t remember. i love senku don’t get me wrong but i need their perspective too... bc i hate lion dude... so much.... dick....) again i will repeat that i am a whore for chemistry so i get oFF on this. backgrounds are amazing/ animation so nice n clean (most o the time lmao). i thought i would hate the black n white haired trickster boi and ms yellow ponytail and suika but no! dr stone is such a good show that they are now great, loveable characters. also i am senku and chrome’s whore so jfc. man, i love the explanations of all the chemistry shabang, but some things i think would be better if explained! like senku doing physical labour at the beginning- ex. making all those pots and building that shit by hisself. i know he weak af. yes he smart but like. construction? difficult. pottery? even for me the artist . difficult. and that shed of his was filled to the brim. HOW. anyways, i love this so much i am crying constantly

just realized i didnt need to write about dr stone. oh well. 

danmachi 2: wtf yo. haruhime is so pretty but not a fan of her personality! bell still cute af and still don’t rly like aiz! animation good as always, and my god i shit myself whenever the argonaut theme starts up bc that is ? one of the best pieces of non-sawano hiroyuki pieces i’ve ever heard? addicted to it. and the opening! love the dynamics, the brief ‘rain’ scenes like when mikoto slashes the raindrops and just her motion basically? as an animator that is what i aspire to accomplish because i just love that. tiny little scene. 

arifureta: this would have been so much better had they dragged out mc’s op-ifying process! made him suffer more! i explained this briefly in my ‘first thoughts’ post for this season, but story-wise and pacing-wise his power-up could have been so much more deserved and gratifying. think shield hero- loser suffers, gets angry, slowly builds up power in an epic payoff! would have been so epic too. and also if they’d made his gained powers less.... crazy nerfed. again: HE SHOULD HAVE SUFFERED MORE AND THIS WOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER SHOW. harem thoughts: yue- meh. sucky char honestly. shea- my fav girl, she is a great character don’t judge- sexy and love her personality and love her character design and love how much fanservice she gets lol. panty flash ftw. dragon girl- discount darkness honestly , tho nice design. and mermaid girl- yuck, annoying,  DO NOT like the ‘papa’ trope! (ahem sao.) it’s gross. also just fuck mc’s classmates honestly- paladin dude sucks ass, healer girl OOF that last episode ruined her, samurai girl is ok i guess. hate ai-sensei too like shut UPP annoying ass HOEEEEE (postscript: opening=very epic too)

kanata no astra: plot twist? check. trillion well-done plot twists? check. this was done very well. i am so happy. all those plot twists and turns would usually suck in any regular anime- but this was written with GODLIKE ability. thank you, lerche. legit, this was such an enjoyable ride, i eagerly awaited each new ep! typically i hate space-related stuff but like! survival stuff gets my goat.... like this was good- (tho maybe more technical-stuff in the survival theme would make it so cooler) what shocked me the most: (spoilers alert) didn’t end up hating quitterie or funi. (tho the puppet made me want to strangle smth) luca’s gender had rly confused me but i’d decided on him being a boy- so basically that reveal left me like WHOA. i died. did luca rly have to show emo boy their tity tho... kanata losing his arm gave me the yeeeks, charce being the traitor was made sO WELL into a surprise even tho i’d kinda already suspected him<- like that was just fucking amazing writing there. gj. and ares the princess! ok man! shocked! AND also the whole clone thing, just fucked me right up. up the ass. like there are probably more plot twist layers in this than a fkn ogre has.... anyway shrek aside, yun?’s character arc was very pleasing, i think that was done very well! and the ending made me UwU like BRO? goals tbh. yeah this is a hidden gem and is just so good, so well-written overall. 

cop craft: didn’t have high expectations. i am now,,, quite,,, shocked &,,, blown away. sweetheart this is a good fucking show. so why @ livechart.me DOES IT HAVE 7.40 STARS WHEN FKN ARIFURETA HAS 7.72. can someone explain this to me? i’m outraged. LIVID.  matoba and tilarna were amazing characters btw! loved their dynamic! briefly i thought it might get romantic! nope, it didn’t, so it’s all good. actions scenes were epic, tilarna’s design and outfits were so much nicer than i thought they’d be like. she is so cute. and the op- man, if that is not such a bopper vibe then idk what is. i could watch it forever. it deserves so much more than what it’s got rn.

naka no hito genome: (serious question: is this considered some sort of isekai?) genome gave me btooom vibes honestly but like- this is SO much better than btooom and most game/trap/ kinda shows. fkn BOP of an op, especially the sequence at the end with short clips of each character in action (nutt). paka-san was a good boy and he deserves irl merch. i fell in LOve with all the characters (bubble boy= hot, akatsuki= ok meh actually kinda boring, karin= hot and i want her to punch me, ruromori= beautiful 12/10 would let her stalk me, sleepy eyes boy= baby + dazai vibes and hot af, twin boy= also hot, onigasaki= hot and love him so much, and loli girl= her light grenades got annoying but nice char design) anyways yeah more of this would be epic. i wanna see sakura and her twin reunite, and how they get out basically! also animation quality was very good which is surprising considering it’s a silver link anime.

kono yo no hate de koi wo utau shoujo yu-no: i include the whole title bc this is a good anime. (also livechart.me why 7.27 stars i will fuck you up) only meh part of this is the return to earth from dela granto bc that was like a culture shock and honestly at that point i’d forgotten a lot about what had happened on earth and didn’t care as much. btw, f ayumi and f the other brown-haired oneesan. mio and kanna ftw. obvs i didn’t understand the sayless x takuya thing like dumbass horny teenager . why u gotta creampie the worst girl. u have mio. bruh. (tho mio x ‘oyabi!’ boy is a great ship) also, takuya’s mom? keiko-san? idk if you’ve noticed but that’s literally my name so yeah just glad to finally have some keiko representation. altogether goodass anime. the time travel/ rezero esque reset thing almost got me but this was done well. so no problems. both ops very good. first song was bae, second also bae (just realized it’s by konomi suzuki, one of my waifu idols, so yea nice) and ed2 also so pretty! also yu-no’s design was rly pretty, the outfit colours, and her pigtails rly suited her :)

granbelm: sorry this is the last one lol this was a long ass post! other than the fact i dont rly like mecha this was good.... action, CHARACTER designs aesthetic asf, honestly rly pretty ok. i liked the cast, very diverse and more depth than most shows of this ilk. op was nicely choreographed- especially the part where the girls’ faces are contorted by their gems, showing their magical girl side. nicely done. mangetsu didn’t end up being that bad a char, and honestly? suigetsu is best girl and deserved better. and the ending too- like, bro, that made me kinda sad. some off points: anna’s mom was a little unrealistic as a mom like woman- please learn to control your child, and, white-haired girl’s sister should have played a bigger part, based on how her parts in the opening were emphasized! (quick note- blue girl, love her, great bad guy, when she dumped anna made me so happy honestly, she is beautiful, and i couldn’t actually decide who i wanted to win between her and suigetsu....)

hope u enjoyed this bad review. pls share ur opinions w/ me on some of of these more controversial shows. thank. 

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: I HATE

Title: I HATE

Release Date: 2019/02/27

Author/Artist: Natsume Kazuki

Cast:

Maeno Tomoaki x Uchida Yuuma

Furukawa Makoto x Tamaru Atsushi 

Synopsis: The only taste you need to know is mine…

Hiro and Kiriya meet again unexpectedly for the first time in ten years. In their last summer of high school, the two of them were “make-out buddies”…

Hiro wishes he could forget, but he is 27 now and still hasn’t been able to date anybody: bound to the past. Kiriya is cool and unaffected by seeing Hiro again… or is he?

This deluxe item contains the titular story and an additional episode by Kazuki Natsume, plus “No where, Now here” - a love story about childhood friends connected by a game of picture shiritori!

Cool guys with hot passions - Kazuki Natsume’s debut comic is finally being adapted into an audio drama!

Review Proper

From the studio that brought you MODS and Nights Before Night, Marble Records is back with another Natsume Kazuki work!

Yo, wtf am I even doing? I just came from a Furukawa Makoto’s highest pitched role to one of his lowest. 😂 I had to pause for a few moments to adjust. I would have listened to this first like how I usually do when I have a two works with the same seiyuu but different roles, but since I HATEd the Ayashi manga, I figured that I should listen to it first. Great thinking there, Francesca - is what I was going to say, but did I really have to listen to I HATE right after? 😂

Anyway, I won’t be discussing the plot at all since this old and there’s a chance that everyone’s read this already - if you still haven’t, what the hell are you still doing here? Go read it right now! This is a much needed break for Natsume Kazuki fans (esp after Nights Before Night), but honestly, I’m not exactly sure why it got green-lit for an adaptation.

I loved I HATE FUCK ME UP WITH YOUR UNDERCUT, KIRIYA, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just a short one volume ride that’s even split for two pairs. It has it’s wholesome charm, but it’s not exactly something you can get invested in (doesn’t even have much a original plot even though it’s well executed). I guess what I'm trying to say is why couldn’t they just adapt By My Side? I’m still crying and left hanging here! 😂😭😭😭 that there are other stories out there that deserve an adaptation. 

That aside, the plot in the BLCD was executed perfectly like in the manga. I mean, I expected no less from Natsume Kazuki, Marble, and these seiyu- whoops, almost said something I didn’t mean. 🙊

Me: It was really fun rereading the manga while reading the BLCD because I needed a change of pace after Nights Before Night and-

Absolutely no one:

Natsume Kazuki:

Moving on to the voice work,

YO FURUKAWA MAKOTO’S VOICE SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. JESUS CHRIST. He definitely does a great job in bringing the god of undercuts to life! His name is Kiriya, but when Furukawa Makoto voices him his name sounds more like “KIRIYAYESPLEASE” - BUT! I wanted to hear more desperation in Furukawa Makoto’s voice. I know that he can do it, but the way he lowers his voice makes it almost impossible to make his feelings fully pop. His voice remained in one deep and husky tone throughout the CD and though it was fucking hot, it also felt kinda flat. 😞 One of my fave R18 CD’s is his (Rouge et Noir vol. 3) and if he manages to tweak that voice a little lower than that then it would’ve been perfect for Kiriya. He did manage to get some feelings in the end, though (you know which part I’m talking about) so I guess that’s a small win for Furukawa. 

Tamaru Atsushi did a great job himself and I found no issues with it. I was actually afraid that his Given/Tada no Classmate 3 was still imprinted in me, but it’s been a while since I’ve listened to them so I’ve probably forgotten about the animosity it. 😂 I’m also quite surprised that they really used a man for Ichiko-san’s voice. 👏👏👏

As for side Nowhere, Now Here, Uchida Yuuma came in with a deeper pitch around Azusa range, but it was still a lot higher than Ash. No issues there. 👍 How was my main man, you ask? Yo, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve last heard Maeno Tomoaki. Last was probably Tada no Classmate 2 or Ten Count 6. His pitch here was definitely much higher than those two works. This is also his first BLCD of this year! *realizes that Escape Journey is set to be released this year *chokes and dies

Great adaptation over all. I make it sound like a big deal, but the issue I have with Furukawa really isn’t. I’m still proud of him because his uke level has risen up even though his seme level has gone down a bit so please don’t kill me. 😂 They’ve changed some parts/events in the manga, but there weren’t any major differences so you can definitely read the manga while listening to the BLCD. I highly, highly recommend this especially if you’re a Natsume Kazuki fan. TIME TO TAKE A BREAK AND BREATHE, FOLKS! 😂

[wanderingthroughwickford]

Agents of Shield S4E1: The Ghost

A.k.a. the one that started it all

(Prepare for obscene amounts of rambling about irrelevant faves and lots of (hopefully) self-deprecating humour) 

One thing I really need to try to make sense of in this rewatch is how the gangs got hold of the box from Momentum Lab in the first place. I guess it was vaguely implied that Eli told them about it but ... why? 

I was under the impression that he thought he’d killed his co-workers so I don’t ... think?? he’d know their ghosts/spirits/incorporeal forms were still in the boxes? But if so, why did he describe the contents of the boxes as ‘weapons?’ 

Why would he even want to risk them getting out and coming back for revenge on him? Did it never occur to him that they’d be pissed?

Did he intend for Lucy’s box to be the one that got picked up, or was that just a result of her being the last one to get ghost-ed so her box was closest to the door or something? 

He couldn’t possibly have orchestrated the whole string of events that got him broken out of jail, could he? I mean I know he’s incredibly smart but that’s the thing, there are just too many things that could have gone wrong for someone as intelligent as Eli to bank on such a flimsy plan? Like it relies on the assumption that 1) the ‘ghosts’ are even still alive/in any sentient state, 2) that they’ll decide they need the Darkhold, 3) that they’ll be able to find it, 3) that they won’t be able to read it, 4) that they’ll choose him of all people to read it for them? I mean it’s the definition of Gambit Roulette and I’m just ... not buying it without futher evidence

Damn, this is one hell (eh?) of an entrance for Ghost Rider

Didn’t he rip one of those guys’ spines out through their ... rear end?

Oh man the blood splatter. I forgot Robbie’s early killings were so graphic because most of the time he’s just burning ghosts.

“She was a ghost” - I love how the titular ‘Ghost�� is so ambiguous - it could refer to Daisy, always a ‘ghost’ slipping through Shield’s fingers; to Robbie, the Ghost Rider; and to Lucy, the closest one to a literal ghost.

I kind of have no clue what Daisy’s criminal activity was all about b/c I missed the last episode of S3, but I’ll take the show’s word for it that she wasn’t doing anything all that bad (just trying to stop Watchdogs).

Literal first episode of the season: “They say when the Rider burns you, he burns your soul. And a soul can never heal.” My dumb self, wanting my shitty fave to have some semblance of (admittedly undeserved) peace in the afterlife:

Oh I’d completely forgotten that FitzSimmons were already working on virtual realty at the beginning ... setting up the Framework from the first ep and I didn’t even know it.

FUCK they even namedrop the Framework? In connection with Radcliffe? And here I was thinking they didn’t even introduce it until episode 10 or something.

FITZ BABYYY don’t talk about the Framework so innocently :(

Aww the team coming (almost) all together ... before they’re all so painfully ripped apart later on

I know Mace is kinda painted as being in the wrong for implementing lie detector tests and being overly paranoid and stuff, but, like, Shield did just get back on its feet after being crippled and nearly destroyed by a secret terrorist cult which it had unknowingly harboured within its own ranks for half a century, so ... yeah #Macedeservedbetter

Aww it’s nice how Daisy leaves behind money for the homeowners

YES a mention of the Lucy box

OH GOD it’s AIDA ... I don’t even have words honestly

I want to say “report her right away!” but she’s just an innocent being (?) at this point, so would it be right? 

Mallory Jansen does such a good job though, she’s so robotic and artificial here and she becomes so real as AIDA becomes more human throughout the series

It’s kind of sweet that Radcliffe just invites Fitz and the gang over to his house to watch soccer though

Love Yo-Yo giving Daisy the medicine

Man it’s weird thinking of Robbie as a ‘serial killer’ and a bad guy, as the team sees him at this point ... I had like one episode of genuinely thinking he was a villain and then the second I saw him with Gabe at the end I was like, oh okay, he’s this kind of character, I get where this is going. 

(Keep in mind that I had 0 prior knowledge of who Ghost Rider is or even that he’s a Marvel character)

Aaaand now I see the bloody bodies in the back of the truck and am reminded that Lucy is not, in fact, a good person.

(Though to be fair since that was the first time she’d ever used her powers it was probably an accident ... she probably panicked and tried to push past those guys not knowing it would kill them. Everything after that, though, is on her hands.)

I like Simmons standing up for herself and speaking back to May. It’s good to see her able to put her foot down and justify her decisions. And I like how May is subtly impressed by it.

“In the wrong hands, [AIDA] could be used as a weapon, is that the intention” “No, no, not at all! Look, I know the dangers-” *insert stock photo of people laughing*

AIDA asking Fitz about Jemma is so creepy now...

Nice to hear Lincoln, Trip and Andrew mentioned

Hngnggnhng Radcliffe and AIDA were so well-intentioned at fiiiiiiiirst :(

Ohhhh I think she’s coming sooooooooon~

YES they’re bringing out the box

I can’’t breathe

“I’ve been told [the weapon is] powerful enough to bring our new enhanced enemies to their knees” - man I remember hearing this line and having NO IDEA it referred to a character rather than an object, let alone one I would pledge my life to

Also ... this means that Eli must have known what was in the box, but even if he did know that his co-workers were ghost-ed rather than killed, why would he know they’re dangerous? A disembodied spirit, in and of itself, wouldn’t be harmful... Or was he just bullshitting?

All right here we go

Oh okay I guess we’ve got a Robbie/Daisy scene (who cares about the two most important and interesting characters of the arc when you can obsess over a minor antagonist with barely any screen time amirite?)

YES HERE 

WE 

GO 

FOR

REAL

ą̶̻̱͚̼̱̥̹̘́̽͆́̒͒̄̽̿̌̒ ̷̢̺̪͕͕̲̠̗͚̺̰̈́ͅͅb̵̧̨̡̬͙͎̪̥̠̎̿͋͊̆͌̐̀̿̕͘̚͝͠͠r̶̨̫̲̭̬͚̄̂̽̇̓̏͘͝é̷̘͚͖̦̠ă̸̼̓̋̐̿͝t̷̛͓̠͚͋͐͒̑̀͆͒̃̚h̸̢̡̘̳̗̗̲͕̯̩̠̯͍͂ ̷̡̡͕͈̱͉͇̱̭̗͚̖̾͑̾͒̎͗͜͝͠͠ͅȏ̷̧̩͈̖̺̒̎̚̕͝ͅf̵̝̜̲͔̝̩͈̪͕̏ ̷̬̣̥̠͇͈̞̞͈͗̾̒̆̈́̄̾͗̈́͂͝f̵̥͚̤̼̬̫͇̖̖͕̼̼̩̈̂̌͗̃͌͆͂̎̈̀͐͊̈́̕r̴̜̖͉̣͎̰̜̪͒̎̿̾̋̌̐͑́͐͒͒͘̕ę̵̨͕̝̬̞̰͙̟̏̾̉̃̈́͌́̀́̏̕̚͠͝͝s̵͉̠͠h̷̬̼̙̙͔̪̞̙͖̣͙̮͚̆́̔̎̉̎͒͋͂́͛̊̽ ̸̢͖͕͍͓͈̼͔̮̳̩̩̝́̍ͅą̵̛̻̘̠̓̀͐̓̓̑͒̍͝i̷̙̓̂̀̈́̋̋͒̈́͐͑̈̚͠ŗ̶͚̖͈̠̘̠̝͙̠̳̝̥̮̟̀͒̑͊̅̚ ̴͙͈̀̔   MY  L O V E 

Has there ever been an entrance more ~iconique~ (TM) than Lucy materializing out of nowhere, hissing warning words in a gangster’s ear and immediately fucking everyone’s shit up (answer: yes)

GOD I remember seeing her for the first time and thinking, like, wtf is that? For some reason I thought there were multiple lady ghosts too before realizing there was just one. I just remember having this feeling like, whoa, this is a whole new playing field here, this is weird, what the hell is this?

I mean I do feel a bit bad for the guy, though ... Lucy’s powers, while cool, really are horrible to their victims.

For the love of GOD stop pausing and freezing, dumb video, I just need to watch like the last 6 minutes

OH and there goes Lucy through May ... I don’t have anything good to say about that, it’s just straight-up cruel and unnecessary on Lucy’s part

“[You killed] a teacher.” “A pedophile.” That’s the first moment where I had that little “oh” awakening about Robbie, like “well, maybe he isn’t such a bad guy.” I still remember that dawning realization.

I’ll always like Robbie/the Ghost Rider sparing Daisy there, even though she thinks she deserves to die due to her guilt - he can tell she’s not a bad person, despite what Hive forced her to do.

I kind of wish there’d been a parallel situation at the end of the season though with Fitz and GR, I think that’d have been a nice, clever book-end, and also given Fitz fans (myself included) some more closure. Plus, possible bonding moment for Daisy and Fitz.

Aww FS sharing a bed??? I forgot that part.

Half these Robbie scenes I recognize intimately from the zillions of AMVs I’ve watched of him in the past 10 months

Aww and here he is with Gabe ... that was the moment I Knew, in my heart, that he wasn’t a bad guy.

Honestly “Everyone gets attached to something” is such a fitting tagline for this episode both for actual relevant reasons and the personal fact that I found my new fave here

Oohhhhh the Coulson zombie face .... D: Lucy whyyy do you do this

May’s honestly really resilient; everybody else who gets infected starts having visions within seconds, whereas for her it takes presumably hours to get the first one, and she holds out for like a day or so (I think) before she goes completely homicidal. I chalk it up to her years of Shield training and mental self-control. 

Anyway that’s all for the first episode! I don’t honestly expect anyone to read these but if you did, I hope you enjoyed/weren’t too irritated by my ramblings. 

Meet the New Boss (one of my fave episodes on a purely self-indulgent level) is next week!!!!!

[petiteredlady]

I watched Polar Night thanks to misu-amane who kindly shared it, and for some reason I took notes while watching. So instead of letting them rot in a forgotten corner of my computer, I’ll share them here!

- Since when does Misu have a younger sister??? (Also it does not count as adding female characters if all of them are dead.) - Oh my god, Misu saying you can't do anything for the people who are dead. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE FORESHADOWING. - I think all the water effects are ALSO terrible foreshadowing >< - AMANE WHY ARE YOU LEAVING AGAIN HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING????

- You can feel the ice when Kuroko talks to Ichijima XD That's the kind of interaction I was hoping for!

- Looks like the only uniform Misu was comfortable with was section 4's XD (By the way when did he leave it and why? ôO) - Misu's LOOK when Amane n°2 introduces himself XD

- After a good ten minutes, finally, Mamoru! (Actually prettier than I remembered.)

- I wonder where Amane thinks he's going. And how he manages to ALWAYS have a full battery for his laptop.

- Ooooh looks like Misu found his match! (And Amane n°2 is slightly impressed, that's cute.)

- Now that's the Ichijima I want to see: "You have opinions? I don't care." XD - I wonder if he has flashbacks from when Souma talked about nothing but Haruki XD

- HE SAID IT <3 HE ACTUALLY SAID IT TO THEIR FACES <3 That their uniforms suck <3 Thank you Amane, you're not my favourite for nothing <3

- "Mayo-sama tte yonde yo!" XD WTF Mayo-sama. I'm embarrassed for him and I don't get how he can NOT be embarrassed.

- My god, he said it. Ichijima said Kamikita's name. I'm so happy. I've been waiting for that. (Actually I'm still waiting for them to have scenes together BUT it's a start.)

- The violin scene that only Mayo-sama can hear is so so weird. Like it's clearly supernatural, while Messiah has always been more or less realistic. I thought only the manga had an actual ghost.

- Ooooh thank you Amane for providing nicknames for Amane n°2! Now to choose between "bocchama" and "otouto"... (I like him though, he's so proud and obviously cares a lot about his family and his job, not at all how I imagined him.) - I like how Misu instantly knew the information came from Amane <3 - MY GOODNESS MISU YOU ALSO CALL HIM AMANE N°2 SO I'LL KEEP DOING THAT TOO <3<3 No seriously he was so cool: "I'm saying I can trust your brother,... Amane n°2." *smirks* *leaves* <3

- Dr Three is adorable and I feel like he's a real scientist: really excited at the idea of testing new things XD (Which is why I think Ichijima was a bit negligent in saying "Try not to kill him." like NO TELL THEM NOT TO KILL HIM YOU NEVER KNOW.)

- Now let's be honest it's been 45 minutes and I'm still not sure what this film is about^^' All the plots better tie together at some point, because there are so many of them and I don't understand why >< (Even taking into account my limited understanding of Japanese.)

- I wish Amane would find an actual place to stay. And to charge his laptop.

- Mamoru went to find Misu so he could meet Takano. I'm really happy, even though it's not really about Takano XD (At least we know what he's doing now!) - Thank you Mamoru I too was wondering why Amane would have the Mamiya report. And I wonder if this discussion implies Haruto is alive or not. I hope not, let's not resurrect dead people.

- Poor Amane. Just poor Amane. His life is already complicated enough, and now he has to bathe with strangers XD (I really liked his shower cap <3) - I don't know how realistic it is for Amane, who dislikes hand-to-hand fights and has shown to be not so good, to beat the Olympic judo athlete, but I guess judo has rules while Amane fights dirty. You go Amane. (And it looks like he's having fun <3 He's so happy he can freely beat up a Sakura XD) - My god his FACE when Haku and Eiri come in. EIRI'S FACE. JUST EIRI. You don't say "hisashiburi", you don't point out he lost weight, you just... DON'T.

- Kuroko looks so, so cool. I'm really glad I got to see Kotani Yoshikazu in that role, because I like him much more now XD (Before Messiah I had basically only seen him in Tenimyu and I wasn't impressed^^") - I squeed in Akatsuki and I squeed again, because "Momose Tatara" is such a cute name.

- Haku and Eiri are so so so cute. I'm not sure why they wanted the actors back, but I'm really happy that they are <3 (And they look happy that Amane is cooperating so I'm proud for Amane <3)

- FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING- ICHIJIMA DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO ARIGA!! Poor Ariga still dealing with the fact he killed Mamiya, now learns his former Messiah has probably been dissected. Please stop hurting Ariga. - Actually stop saying anything related to Mamiya when Ariga can hear it. He's suffered enough. - And now Amane's uncomfortable too. This whole incident is a mess. - OF COURSE MAMIYA HAD TO HAVE A COPY OF THE MESSIAH STRADIVARIUS. I'M A MESS. ARIGA IS A MESS. EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE.

- AMANE CAME BACK. I'M SO HAPPY. MISU IS HAPPY. - They're so synchro. So are Haku and Eiri. All my favourites are so perfect how am I going to survive. - They're so proud of hating the Sakura uniform, it's adorable <3 - Oh good, everyone's here now XD (And once again Misu says the same thing I did. Thank you Misu.) "Amane Yasuchika!" "Yo, otouto." <3

- I've been waiting for Haku to say "Nice da." ^o^ ... Even though the circumstances are terrible.

- Oh, I didn't expect Suwabe to die O_O Protecting Misu no less >o< - Ok the guy attacking Misu had a pretty cool weapon.

- I can't believe I'm willingly watching that knowing what's going to happen. Amane's already panicking so much, I don't think I can live through that >< - Oh my god, the ultimate decision was Kuroko's. Oh my god. I can't live with that knowledge.

- I had read a theory that Shikura was Misu's father, but it looks more like canon than theory O_O WTF Stop having everyone be related to each other.

- Well, it had been some time since I cried and sobbed that much T_____T Why. Seriously why. You gain nothing by killing Misu. He and Amane deserved a happy end, and that's from someone who loves terrible ends and crying. I had to pause the film because I was crying so much. AND THAT WAS DESPITE KNOWING IT HAPPENED. I'm glad I knew, because I couldn't have handled the shock and the sadness at the same time.

- ... And I still ended up smiling at Yugi and Kogure getting one-hit KO'ed.

- Oh and I loved Ichijima being sadistic. (Moreso since I read in the manga that he lost his legs to the Hanged Man XD)

- I find it terrible that Eiri is wondering whether 'normal people' feel like that when a friend dies, like he's doubting his own feelings ToT Yet he's sort of implying that Misu was a friend so I'm kind of happy too >o< - And finally it's that scene when he accepts a Nanny box <3 - MY GOD THEY WERE TOASTING FOR MISU I'M CRYING AGAIN T________T

- Oh my god HOW IS ICHIJIMA TALKING TO KAMIKITA O___O I don't want to see him like that T-T He's always cool and calm and polite, not... LIKE THAT O_O - I like that Kuroko is obviously displeased because he's 100 % on Kamikita's side but I think Ichijima is in the right. (Unrelated to the fact he's one of my favourite characters.)

- I'm still not ok with there being an actual Mamiya ghost, but my goodness that scene punched me in the feelings and it was amazing. - "Ano toki omae wa tashika ni ore no Messiah datta. Sore wa eien ni kawaranai." THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL I'M GOING TO CRY AGAIN BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH HE'S IMPLYING THERE. Like "I'm sorry I didn't treat you like a Messiah." or "Thank you for saving me." and even "Now my Messiah is Itsuki." >o< (But SORE WA EIEN NI KAWARANAI OH MY GOD ARIGA ToT)

- The bath scene was surprisingly cute and funny. Kogure is definitely my favourite new cadet. I’m (pleasantly) surprised Itsuki didn’t insist Ariga tell him what happened. Mayo-sama was too cool for the pool. Ichijima was naked. Great scene.

- Amane, didn't Amane n°2 tell you not to come here again?? (Thank you Amane n°2 for saying it right after I wrote it.) - Amane bowing to his father was almost as painful as watching Misu die. (Why did I think that now I'm crying again.) - My god his expression when he spills that everyone he ever associated with is dead T____T I can't. I just want to hug him T__T - Yeah well Dad Amane can call him "Yasuchika" as much as he wants and tell him he's his son, he STILL BEAT HIM WHEN HE WAS A KID AND THAT IS NOT EXCUSABLE. - DON'T BOW AGAIN AMANE. - Poor Amane n°2 is panicking. I really like him. Looks like a Lawful Good character, which is really really weird in this series XD

- Well there's a "Thomas Romain" in the credits and while you can get more French than that, it sounds so, so, so very French XD

- Tamaki Yuuki looks really good in a nice suit XD I'm not sure why the glasses though, since Amane has never worn glasses nor contacts. I hope we'll see more of him in the future, because you can't kill Misu then leave Amane's fate to our imagination.

Closing note: I now realise that this movie showed us parts of a main character's death scene in the trailer and we didn't know better. I bet they were cackling to themselves. Monsters. Additional note: I just realised that Haku has now lost another partner. Granted, it wasn’t a Messiah, not even a temporary one, but they did bond at some point and that makes me extra sad.

[revisingpotato]

haven’t been studyblr-ing a lot as actual studying kept me busy (･ω･｀三´･ω･)

i know i’m tagging this as #shitpost (heck i cbf to use proper grammar and wording here and there so forgive me...) but today was the exact opposite of what you’d call shitty, to be completely honest.

a part of me is still in disbelief as i’m typing this but,,

earlier in the afternoon was awards day at my school. for the past four years i’ve honestly just sat down as an audience and clapped at ppl lol. i literally have no expectations for someone like me to be called.

for one thing, there’s only two awards per subject per grade level: excellence and most improved. you either be really REALLY genius at a particular subject or be really meh at the beginning of the year then work your way up. i’m neither. i’m honestly someone who tries to maintain mediocre > good grades ever since. but being good won’t cut it. i think we all know that.

a lot happened since i entered IB but the classes are smaller (and with HL/SL distinctions the chances really are greater), and i’m studying the subjects i really like, so it became easier to steadily improve, i think?? even then i’m really pessimistic and i don’t want to disappoint myself further by hoping too much so....

at least that’s what i thought until tHEY CALLED MY NAME FOR SOCIAL SCIENCES JADGDSKJF so long story short, i earned an award for excellence in IB Business Management HL ;;;;; i’m aware that i’ve been doing great in the class but i can’t even?!?! when my former business teacher handed me the award and shook my hand he was like, “finally, you deserve this” and i’m just..... lies down do i really......

AND THEN I GOT CALLED AGAIN SJKAFJ it was just minutes after i received the above and then i was bestowed the award for excellence in IB Economics HL -- unlike business i felt that i was struggling with this subject. i frantically made my own notes after class because the lectures doesn’t just “get” to me. i was always behind 1-2 topics than what the class was discussing. for my econ finals, i came over to a friend’s house bc i felt the need to do practice questions and almost had a breakdown myself because i was just so scared hahah.

but it was worth it.

and when my econ teacher held me briefly to congratulate, she told me good luck for year 2 and thank you. i was like no NO THANK YOU?? to be honest i couldn’t get her teaching style (hence why i’m behind and i have to make my own notes...) but then again i’d make sure to do all my work and.... i just ahsdjsd thank you for recognizing my efforts this past year (actually 2 years since IGCSE economics) -- suddenly i’m kinda sad she’s moving for the next schoolyear

i also received an award for excellence in IB Math Studies SL ;;; i’ve always sucked at math ngl so my weak ass took studies and i know this subject gets a lot of side eye because “it’s so easy you don’t have to study” -- guess what there ARE ppl who still have to because it’s not something they can grasp easily (me lol) and well, labor does bear fruits in the end i guess. ; v ;

i don’t know if this counts as a /personal/ achievement, but the booth i was in during school’s entrepreneurship days won some awards T v T we won best business plan, best presentation and the best business in overall asjksdfjkj i got to keep the business plan award because i was the assistant general manager and the general manager was like,, “it should be in your hands because you were a great help” いやああ皆のお陰で大成功だよ！！

maybe my groupmates don’t think the same way but i really enjoyed that whole experience and everyone (save for a few? l o l) pitched in to make it a success. \o/ ngl i want to experience it again next year even though it’ll be a stressful senior year. (it’ll be my last year already.... omg where did time go)

near the end of the program, they announced the A-Listers for this semester which i kinda wasn’t expecting since we’re going to get our report cards next week still.... and SWEATS HOW DID I EVEN DO THIS SEMESTER.... i was lowkey crumbling that i won’t be called but i did _(:”3」∠)_ am able to maintain my position - don’t know how much points i got, but my goal is the dreamy 40+ ahahah why do i pressure myself like this

just like what one of the teachers said before the awarding, that while us awardees should celebrate for our achievements, it should also be a new standard for us to keep reaching higher and higher. (i know that feeling too well) (これからも頑張らないとな)

i’m sorry but also not if this post comes off as braggy or anything.... sjaskj let me bask in the light for a moment.... i’ve never received anything. nada. for the past 4 years i just clapped for everyone else. and now i could stand in front, honestly it felt overwhelming and compelling at the same time?? this meant a lot for me, you have no idea.

another thought from the day: i clapped so much because one of the juniors i tutored (for IGCSE business) received SO much awards and there’s nothing more than genuine happiness and also pride from my own heart that she’s achieving all these things ;; v ;; we stood on stage together a few times and congratulated each other jakjdjs

well, that’s about it i guess. what a day. (✿´ω` )

... or not lmao

sticking my summer to-do list here:

work on your IAs!!!

gather sources for your EE and make the outline

finish practicing N4/N5 jlpt questions, then start on N3!

shortlist unis i want to apply for in yr 12 (yikes)

ha ha have you forgotten TOK essays

actually enjoy your last summer in high school wtf

also i’ve been accepted to an ivy league summer program so... i’ll do my best on that too!! T__T)9

and IB2 goals (for now)?

compile IB1 notes for the actual external exams

be active in environmental/social issues club (秘書として頑張れちゃうさ)

start up the creative arts club

FINISH YO DAMN CAS REQUIREMENTS BY THE END OF 2017

continue to improve in my academics (...40+ points leggo)

and non-academics... do i even have any (i think jlpt counts? uh) (in any way, good luck @ me trying to balance IB and ~650 kanji + ~3750 vocab for N3)

SPEAKING OF JLPT, REGISTER FOR N3 EARLY DEAR LORD HELP ME

^^srsly i was gonna take N4 this summer but i’m dumb and i missed the registration deadlines...

in the end this really is shitpost after all....

i don’t even think anyone reads this but if you do,, well

have a nice day. _(´ω`_)⌒)_

[yukheid]

MY TOP 10 SONGS OF 2016 TAG

Yes hello hi, today I will be sharing my top 10 favorite songs of 2016 ( kpop ). I tag @btsrappertrash @yoon-socks and @yoongis-nipple because I'm curious to know what yours are too.

 HERE WE GO ( this was so difficult to do whEeZeS ) 

 10. Russian Roulette - Red Velvet 

 It took me a little while to get obsessed with this song, but once I did, I injured myself trying to dance to it ( don't ask, I made a post about it. If you wanna know, you gotta dig for it ). I loved how aesthetic it was, and their outfits were so cute. I wasn't too fond oh Seulgi's braids tho. Joy stole my heart per usual.

 9. Hit Song - Seventeen 

 I only just heard it a few months ago, but the amount of times I had it on repeat was insane. Seungkwan's vocals slayed my soul, and just UHG! Everything about it was so good. I wish I listened to it sooner.

 8. Reflection - Rap Monster 

 Oh my lord this soooooonnnnnnngggg. Just the instrumental itself got me feeling all emo. RapMon singing is a huge blessing and his lyrics were so deep and relatable. He needs more love and appreciation y'all. 

 7. Toy - Block B 

 I've been neglecting my precious Block B babies ( and so has seven seasons *cough* buttheads *cough* ), but this song delivered me out from the underground. The lyrics were so pleasing, B-Bombs vocals made me cry, the instrumental was beautiful, everything about it was beautiful ( except for Zico's duct tape pants. I know it was supposed to be for the theme, but c'mon, duct tape pants!!?? )

 6. Prove It/Sick 

 Okay I know, that's 2 songs, bUT DEAL WITH IT OKAY BECAUSE THESE SONGS JUST... UGAJDBAKDBAKSBAKDBWKABAKA. Youngjae composed Sick, and that made me love it 10000000X more okay? Like yes it makes me super emo, but it's like the best kind of emo know? And Prove It is an absolute bop. Nuff said. 

 5. Monster - EXO 

 MY TURNT SONG YO. I listened to this so many damn times you don't even know. They all looked like sin incarnate and piercings are like my weakness, so I was an absolute fricken mess for their entire comeback. 

 4. Very Nice! - Seventeen 

 Again, this song was just so Summer, and I listened to it 24/7. My absolute favorite part is when Woozi starts singing by the piano and it leads to Jeonghan's part, like its the best. I was also super confused about Jeonghan's hair like wtf you just cut it, how did it grow so fast, and then I found out he was wearing extensions and I cried. MINGYU AND THE CHINA LINE LOOKED SO GOOD TOO RIP ( I'm so sorry Vernon but that pink shirt made it difficult for me to take you seriously pFFFFTT )

 3. Agust D - Agust D 

 A TO THE G TO THE STD, AKA THE SONG THAT EVEN THE TUMBLR STAFF GOT TURNT TO. Yeah I was eating a sandwich when I got the soundcloud notification and I started choking on said sandwich and I almost died. I hadn't even pressed play and the mixtape already killed me. 

 2. The 7th Sense - NCTU 

 Bro this was my song all throughout 2016, like there was no other. As soon as I heard the first 10 seconds I was like, yup this is my eternal jam. The dancing snatched me, and when Jaehyun started singing and appeared for the first time, staring into the depths of my soul, I was a goner, and I melted on the spot. Boi got me w e a k. 

 AND MY NUMBER 1 SONG IS... 

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1. Young Forever - BTS

 Oh. My. Goodness. Gracious. Let's start with the song itself. Like the lyrics made me curl up into a ball and cry for most of the day. The instrumental was so beautiful and it hit me deep in the chest and like it hurt so much. The video, oh my lord the video, it was all of HYYH being told again, it was them escaping the maze of all their hardship, it was so beautiful, so mesmerizing, and so so so emotional for me. But what really made upset, what makes me cry whenever I hear it, is that it's the closing of HYYH. As soon as they left that maze, they left behind HYYH with it, and I wasn't ready for those doors to close yet, for the story to be over. I'm still not over it, and we're almost done with WINGS. After their world tour, it'll be time for a new concept, for a new era. I'm never letting go of HYYH. It means so much to me, and it will never be forgotten. 

 Honorable Mentions. 

 Butterfly ( Prolouge Mix ) - BTS

 Breathless - Astro

 Awake - Kim Seokjin 

One Of These Nights - Red Velvet 

Wake Up - NCT127 

Hate - 4MINUTE 

Boombayah- BlackPink

 Fire - BTS 

EUNG FREESTYLE - ( lots of people who I forgot ) 

Bermuda Triangle - Zico, Crush, Dean 

Navillera- GFriend

[datingadviceonreddit]

So let’s start from the beginning. I am currently 25 yo and she is almost 22 from Russia. I have first met her on tinder about 3 years ago and we met for a coffee and had a great time. However I was also in the process of getting together with my girlfriend who was quite controlling. So when I said I wanted to take out the Russian girl to the cinema my girlfriend found out and I had to block her, leaving her with no explanation as to what was going on. Fast forward 3 years me and my gf broke up and I contacted the Russian girl again on Facebook. She was obviously slightly agitated to say the least but I managed to convince her to meet me so that I can explain what happened. When we met I explained that my gf at the time was controlling and had pictures of me she threatened to release if I would leave her. She was a bit like “WTF” but accepted my apology. The date otherwise didn’t go too well she was quite distracted, always on her phone. I asked her about it and she told me she was in a serious relationship for almost 2 years after meeting me and it was going towards marriage. She felt damaged by it and also finds it hard to trust people after that. Then she got together with a drug dealer who abused her and stole her very expensive watch among other things. She broke up with that guy fairly recently although she was scared he might hurt her and she wanted to make sure he gets into prison. After that she asked me to drop her back home from where I had picked her up originally by car.After this we texted a little and a week later she asked me to meet her in town for a drink and dinner. I agreed and we had an amazing time laughed a lot etc. After dinner she got a taxi for us and I wasn’t quite sure where to. Turns out it was her place. She said before we arrived that I could sleep on the couch if I wanted to. We went inside and she put on a few funny YouTube clips and then went upstairs to change into something more comfortable. Coming back down she rolled up a joint and said if I wanted to join her on the balcony before the movie. I agreed. After finishing that we went back inside and started the movie she sat about 1 m away from me on the couch. I was unsure as to what to do and laughed at the movie (it was a comedy) but did not do much else in regards to getting closer to her. She made no effort in that way either. After the movie almost ended she went into the kitchen and talked to her mum. She said she had completely forgotten that she met her mum for breakfast and said that I had to leave unfortunately. I obviously agreed and ordered a taxi. Before I left though I asked her to sit down briefly. I stroked her face and said she was beautiful. She smiled but then stood up and said she doesn’t sleep with people on the first date. I said that wasn’t my intention and she said ok. I hugged her and left. On the way back I texted her saying I had an amazing time and she replied that she did as well. We texted back and forth until I said I wanted to see her for a second date tomorrow. That was about 4 days after. She said she was busy that day but also didn’t suggest any other time. So I said please just let me know when you’re free to which she replied the next morning that she would do that. We had a bit more small talk until a few days later when I said I wanted to discuss something with her. I wanted to know for sure what was going on between us and was sick of the uncertainty. She asked me what I wanted to discuss and I said I wanted to do it face to face. I asked if she was able to otherwise a no would solve the issue for me anyway. She then said that she was emotionally unstable right now and that she had so much going on. She again mentioned her serious relationship and explained that that’s the reason she’s drinking and smoking weed etc. I said just let me be there for you and help. She said she will think about it. I said ok and that she was perfect to which she replied she wasn’t and that she was going to tell me something important. She told me she was a stripper since about 3 months and not for the money but because she like it. That started after the break up with her serious relationship. I said I didn’t care and she was supposed. “Would you really date a stripper? Even if it’s an elite one?” she asked me and I said I didn’t care as long as she was happy and safe. She said she was. The same evening she started sending pictures of herself in her work outfit and pics of the clubs she was working at. I said she looked amazing. She asked me to see her there On the weekend but I replied I’d rather see her outside of work. She said ok even though she likes that place more. We then talked a little about her work hours. We texted a little the next morning until I jokingly said if I will actually ever see her again. She said of course but she was just so busy right now with work and uni. I said I understood that and if she wanted we could wait until June. Now her answer is important because she said “haha don’t be silly I’ll make time when I can!” If she wasn’t that interested in me i would assume she would have immediately said June was better. Anyway, the next few texts I messed up a little. She asked me if I knew finance and I jokingly said yes but why, should I do your work for you again? Haha. (I had preciously helped her with some Spanish) She said she wanted help explaining calculations but never mind. She was obviously annoyed and ended the conversation by saying she was busy and speak soon. The next day I apologised and said I reread the texts and I was aware that it shouldn’t have sent them. She sent pics of work apparently accepting my apology. I then really could wait any longer, this not knowing what was going on drove me crazy. I have been really quite direct the whole time. I sent a cheesy pic of ‘tick the right box if you like me’ which yes was a bad idea I’m aware. She replied ffs could you be more cheesy. I waited a couple of minutes and just said that I can’t figure her out. She said that she can’t figure herself out either. I replied but you must know what you feel/want with me to which she said nope. So I said ok what are we gonna do you know where I stand with you. She said fuck knows currently trying to get over this months. “If I survive this year it’s a Miracle if I don’t harm myself it’s a miracle!” (She had hurt herself before) I said I was sorry I wasn’t there for her 3 months ago ( when she hurt herself! ) and if I had know I had been. She said I can’t be apologising because it was her fault. I said being abused is not your fault (the drug dealer hurt her badly) and that I should have just left my gf 3 years ago to be with her. She replied “could of should of would of” to which I said “I’m aware. I can’t change the past. I can change present and future however” No answer for 48 hours. 2 hours ago I texted her again to ask how the exam went, no answer.What is going on here? If she doesn’t like me, why did she invite me to her place? Why doesn’t she block me or tell me upfront she isn’t interested? I was pretty direct i believe.I’m close to just saying something like “look I’m clearly just annoying you I’ll leave you to your life now”. I just want a clear ‘no’ so that I can move on. I do have extremely strong feelings for her which makes it that much harder. Or is she just playing hard to get?Any advice greatly appreciated via /r/dating_advice

[bookreadalongs]

Wow, Lara J, I Get You

15:49 5/8/2017

85. All cutesy and smiles on the outside, but on the inside bitter thought. “I guess she didn’t think a girl like me could really shine at UVA.” 86. “He’s a Potter person, like us.” I thought it said “like the rest of us” and I was like yes! 87. I feel like Ravenclaw would suit Margot, but that’s because she’s a Ravenclaw…probably. LJ’s…very creative, but probably hufflepuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was Gryffindor…actually, she’s very scared about a lot of things. I don’t think she lets fear rule her life, but I think it does affect it (naturally) to a degree that she wouldn’t be Gryffindor. I’d love for Ravi to be Slytherin. Yo, where’s Josh going to school? 88. Dad didn’t think Margot would be the hardest to please, I bet. Lara Jean always chirps on about her mother. Margot did have he most time with her though… 91. I love the way they talk about their family. LJ said earlier– Tumblr is doing it again. Anyway, I’ll ignore it right now, just focusing on not making typos that I can’t see. LJ said they were a Butter in the fridge family. Same. Now, Margot says they are not a Fresca family. Love it. I never thought of our family this way, but everyone has their quirks. Family’s as a whole certainly do.

I can’t handle this. 15:59 can’t see

16:23 102. Me. I’m probably And Peggy, but I’d rather not condemn myself that way. 106. I remember how much I wanted Tia there when I found a prom dress…goodness gracious Tumblrr. Okay, I’ll switch to desktop 16:28 16:32 114. Okay, I caved. Peter is included in the proposal though! Like, woah! Would it be overkill if she said no? Like LJ’s rejection? She won’t though…just all of these expectations, planning the future around assumptions 116. AHHHHH I CAN’T THAT IS SO NICE PETER AND KITTY 121. That’s so embarrassing. I thought KITTY called her Tree because she was tall… 16:56 I suck. I read the last paragraph. It was perfect. By the last paragraph, I mean the last two pages basically. Mom basically said to postpone making dinner. I will for half an hour to an hour. 7:29 138. LJ…she’s so cute. It doesn’t annoy me at all that she’s pretty. She’s just…she’s a good one to be pretty. 140. Literal same. I’m so there. Draft talk is always like wat. I tried to look it up a few times. I feel like I got caught reading about other countries or something. 140-141. He’s so cute. So young. So full of life and promise. AHHH SAME LARA JEAN 141. He’s so cute and perceptive. 143. I totally had those thoughts. In his twenties that I may never get to meet. 146. I just remembered that cliche thing is what I say. Cliches are cliches for a reason. I hope Chris remembers LJ’s birthday 147. I love it. 148. Will KITTY and Owen….?? 151. HAHAHAHAH WOW FACE MASKS?! 153. Oh, I’ve been wanting to watch that for years! Because…Burdge 156. See, right now I don’t relate to Lara Jean much at all. I would not be this hands on in a wedding during school, I don’t think. I wonder if the Asian heritage subconsciously plays a role for me I wonder if Tia saying asians were weird in my childhood made a difference for me. Lily wasn’t. Tia liked Lily a lot…she also appreciated nicer people. I don’t know. I know I’m more easily jealous of another Asian than others…I just want to break down all of my walls of prejudice 159. I love this exchange “Sure, but I could’ve had that idea on my own, you know. You should at least give me a chance to have ideas.” I pay him on the knee. “Just please don’t forget.” 160. Dang. I forgot they were related. I thought he just volunteered too. Sneaking out and playing in the snow…so sweet. 161. I’m not entirely sure who sent that text. 162. Oh right. I wish we got to see Margot Meeting Stormy. I have been thinking about writing and don’t know how to avoid the boring parts…but JHan just skips them. If their too rudimentary and have little purpose, just don’t include them. They need to contribute to the story. 163. The offer, true offer, is what counts for me too. I can be furious or ready to cry, and someone can say, I’m sorry. I can __ and suddenly I’m all good. Because that’s all I needed. A genuine offer to clean the dish or do this or that, then I’ll do it anyway…because all I was ever really searching for was the offer. - for a second I thought she’d rethink and go to school in Richmond. Probs not though 164. Wow. A year ago. We missed most of LJ’s senior year. I want to know what she did. Mostly spend it with Peter? Go to those parties? 167. WHAT WHAT WHAT?! WAT WAT. WHAAAAAT? I always pictured John Ambrose McClaren as a really smart dude destined for…I don’t know…an Ivy, I guess. Love it. 168. LJ is just too darn relatable sometimes. I swear, she can appeal to such a great audience. “I say it like I don’t remember her name, even though I do, I mean, I just heard him say it two minutes ago.” 19:10 My potato pancakes are a struggle. They were supposed to be a quick easy dinner… 180. I get that. Knowing someone so well… 181. Lip jut out. Awwww 182. I wish I went to after prom…in Shaker I wish I had Tia’s high school life 183. But Chris knew she’d spend time with LJ during her birthday after all 184. AHHH IT IS ALMOST CHEATING USING ALL THESE CUTESY MOVIE CLICHES BUT I LOVE IT 185. Little lines that are vague and obvious, but hit you are why I like Jenny Han. “I guess that’s part of growing up too–saying goodbye to the things you used to love.” Ah, so that’s why she wished to always love Peter as much as she did in that moment. I guess John Green’s thing that Ryan loved and bought was so deep about funerals being for the living is also…like what I love. The cliches authors know teenagers and anyone– I feel like I’ll love this later in life too, will love because they feel that tug of authenticity in the quote. You can connect to it by thinking of a particular feeling or memory even though the line wasn’t explicitly written for you. 190. He doesn’t say anything because he hasn’t broken t to her that they will not have all summer because DI lax or because they only have summer? 191. Leaving high school…damn that would’ve been crazy in Shaker 193. I let the breathing thing slide even though I thought it was funny. Kitty saying let’s not get carried away made me actually laugh though. This book has the most feminine cover and coloring ever 196. This is the first time Chris has been more of a good thing than a bad thing I feel like. I would do this. 197. I know Peter will try to call as your phone is dead. He’ll be all but LJ doesn’t let her phone die! Wat is going on 199. Tell him that. Text him rather than being spiteful! I’m always spiteful though 201. She definitely plays the role of introvert well, but…I don’t know. People can be introverted and just not be as socially anxious I guess. 204. Chris’ big attitude and talk are coming down now…it’s refreshing. 206. Another use of the phrase “it’s cliche for a reason” 208. This is a great page. It gave me chills. A genuine connection between Lara Jean and her future step mom. Differentiating her life from Peter…laughter from lack of sleep. Matriarchy 211. Oh goody! I’d love for them not to go to a party too! 213. As my Dear Evan Hansen would say, we start with stars in our eyes…Peters have deflated a little 214. Wow, Virginia Tech? Aren’t tech schools harder? Is Gen like smart? 216. Lols me as a girlfriend. Literal the shitty parts of me as a girlfriend 217. Why is he a dick? For getting drunk? That’s certainly part of it. Not being completely happy? Fair, but, yes, dickish. He seems to have changed a lot since dating her though. I don’t think she realizes that. 218. Hahaha love him - A truth universially acknowledged that a man with a fortune must be in want of a wife? Or something like that. It’s been a few years. 3? 220. I laughed again at “Do I need to explain to you guys again about Silpat versus parchment paper?” “We got it.” Hahaha her share of cookies 222. Hahah “Hey, I’m built.” 225. HAHAHA THE LONG CON. GOTTA GET PETER ON YOUR SIDE 227. Does Jenny Han also follow Burdge? Or are all of these coincidences (okay, two, Amelie and tread softly because you tread on my dreams) 229. That’s sweet 232. I just realized Jenny Han sneakily maneuvered back to the beach. @TheSummerITurnedPretty 233. Those trying very hard to be relatable lines…not being able to find a hair tie when you need one 234. High school being a time to remember for the rest of your life…. 20:04 Gotta make food. Not feeling reading anymore. 20:28 236. IT can be hard bringing up snooping. It's because he lied. Lies suck 238. Feelingly? -basketball hoop heist? @barneystinson 241. WOAH HOW DID I NEVER GET THAT SHE WENT TO CAMILLA'S SCHOOL? I guess...if it's been two years since this came out, and I read the second one reasonably before Camilla told me I could've forgotten. Still. Bad friend move 243. Eek is right. She's trying 246. Woah. That's something KITTY would say. Ruthless That's an interesting take on why it's better to be in a fight rather than passive aggressive pensiveness 247. KITTY THAT IS SO SWEET! No one would've been able to tell Kitty to do that. That's the cutest thing ever 248. Oh, Peter 250. LJ is so endearing 253. That's so cute. Lara Jean liked Kitty's nose earlier 256. They're both understandably petty. 257. Good ol' John Ambrose McClaren 258. I wish we got to see that talk of LJ being the star of that costume...now that I think about it...he always does let her be the star WAIT WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO THE BEACH? DID IT ALREADY HAPPEN?! THERE IS SO LITTLE BOOK LEFT! I was content at the end of PS I still love you. I so will not be content now. I feel like that has less to do with the books than my state of being 259. Wtf you took your grandmother to karaoke and we didn't get to see that? I feel jypped Oh good. Somehow I knew Beach Week hadn't happened yet. Time just jumps sometimes in these books. 20:53 20:10 262. Oh, Lara Jean, so romantic. I wish I was like that 269. Hahaha John Ambrose McClaren is so cute. What a rabbit 270. JHan is totally trying to make him cute too "still holding the carrot" What the BUT? He was going to her school, then she goes to the school he planned to transfer to? They just have weird, but many similarities. It's why he's so cute. Because she's so cute He's genuinely happy for her doing what he couldn't 274. Just don't be too offended when he doesn't eat it because diet. Also, how can you be so skinny, LJ? 276. LJ is very confident...she's a good role model. Good job, Jenny Han 277. She understands a layer of someone who she loves more than life itself be away 278. He really respects her 21:24 21:28 279. I love him. I love his precautions. I love that he literally jumped away when she said wait Have they ever even been half unclothed? 280. He's so reassuring 285. Woah. PETER OH MY GOSH YOU ARE SO RECKLESS AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN TREACHEROUS. YOU STILL HAVE STARS IN YOUR EYES. YOU ARE SO CUTE 289. It's so hard. It truly is. 290. The house feels small. Rather than big. With her feeling so small That's the most younger sister thing I have ever heard. "Margot and I are on the same level, and you're on the level below us because, you're the youngest." Lara Jean is that bridge. Perks of middle child...though I frequently see the oldest and youngest with stronger relationships because they just don't have friction as much 293. That's nice that Margot noticed. I get not telling her. Tia is great, gives wonderful advice...but sometimes I feel like she doesn't completely listen to me when she has made up her mind...or that she talks down to me if she does listen 294. Pigtails? LJ is childish sometimes 299. One drink? Yeah...I can't do that Ah, yes. The drunk slight cop out 302. I mean, all of that does make sense in his perspective. 303. Wow. What a good moment for Margot and Trina to make amends, or start to, right before the wedding 304. I love that this was her first hang over. I realized this whole book I've been nervous she was going to just let loose at some party. This kind of makes sense 305. Why does Kitty know? 308. These children are all so privileged. To think she could get anything she needs...on the spur 309. Yeah....that's the thing about growing up. Nothing will ever be the same 310. Is it normal to only have one or two friends from high school? I guess so... 311. I just had real flashbacks to too much frosting during OL...asking about f it was homemade. I would've made it. I was talked out of it. If everything went how I thought it would and should....I guess I'll never know if I ever could've 316. I read that as ice cream. I was like interesting for a wedding 317. Ahh my heart. Tears actually formed. He was so scared. She gave him the scrapbook or break up... 320. I love how uncertain that is. Jenny Han knows that. "With all the certainty only a teenage boy can have" 321. Wow. I love it. I love him. He's so imperfect. Why only tell us this now? I was just wondering when she got it back 322. AHHH NOW SHE'S LEAVING TO COLLEGE?! I guess...this is already so subtle and contemporary. The only times it shows are little times of conflict. She showed all of the cutesy in the beginning to convince us all of their love...I feel like I need to reread the first one mow..this is so sad That's totally the point. A chapter ending. I wonder if this was sad for Jenny Han 324. The dream. My dream. Marrying my childhood best friend...that's Jack though. He's crazy. He's a star. Tia says he's gay. Wouldn't put it past him. He's amazing, but I just don't think I will ever feel that way. I mean, I totally did kindergarten and fourth grade, but...he's not my best friend anymore... I forgot so much. I should've reread them all before reading this. I remember he got that brooch or something for her from his mom's store...but don't remember everything. 325. Wow. I know I read it earlier. I read it preemptively like a little brat. This was a really good book. It was different...powerful. The other books were cute. I loved them in that way. The one that got away. Josh. They weren't relatable for me. I loved them. Jenny Han plays the being able to love them, but love Peter more extremely well. I have to say, though I always think this after reading something new that I like...5 stars. Maybe 4.85. I love it. It's so cute. It's not 100% relatable, but it is somewhat, and it's great in ways that it's not relatable. Throwback when it was too perfect, and I was unsure about it. Look how far we've come. That was a perfect ending. I love Jenny Han so much. I love it all. The fact that they're still so close...that they can go home on three day weekends...I ache for that...but...it's good for them. It really is. I went to Barnes and noble for the last time today. Well, the last time here. I sneakily took a picture of Jenny's Q and A in the B&N exclusive version. I felt very...wrong doing it. I looked over my shoulder, quickly did it, then quickly put the book back...I am so bad at being bad. It was just the question of what LJ's wedding song with Peter would be and what her wedding song with JAM would be. Wow. Gotta love those initials. At Last was perfect. They are so good for each other...truly soul mates in another life. Well, he probably is transferring to UNC...no. Peter and LJ though. They can do it. Please? I love that this is where it ends. It feels ended. It's such a good place to end it. They still have stars in their eyes. They never really fought. This will be different. 4 hours though...no...like 3.5...that's so reasonable. They can do it. 22:24 22:25 OKAY AHHHHHHH! I went to read the playlist again (for about the fourth or fifth time, I know. I suck) and it ended with Frank Ocean...because, well, sex. Love it. Sneaky. Okay...I think it's really done now...I will make some of the sweets in the back sometimes. Pour one out for LJ and her sweet tooth and her sweet relationships with her family and Peter. 22:26