#( i want you to be a story i can believe in forever; matthias )

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Song: I will wait for you- mumford and sons

“After a long, hard and lonely day: he can finally be in your arms again.”

Reader x ….

Options: Nikolai, Matthias, Kaz, Tolya

Hear me out, Matthias and Kaz, one established relationship, one pining because apparently I want to feel pain. xoxo.

This Action Echos - Matthias Helvar , Kaz Brekker.

Content Warnings: Unrequited Love Trope. Not Beta/ Proof Read. Love Confessions At Inconvenient Times. Kaz Opening His Mouth. Explicit Language.

Your legs are resting up beside you on the chaise longue in the back of the club, hiding away in the back room, awaiting for the crows to return.

Being benched wasn't something you were taking personally, you knew that Kaz had run the odds, and you were better suited to staying back, but it didn't stop you worrying about them all. Nothing could stop you worrying about them all.

The waiting is unbearable, and you have nothing that successfully fills your time, allowing you to stop yourself thinking about all the things that could be going wrong. You trusted them all implicitly, they've all gotten themselves out of situations they never should have survived, far too many times to think they were anything short of lucky. But you cannot help but linger on the way Matthias likes to suggest their luck will not last forever, that eventually it has to run out. But it has become easy to believe they were charmed, your little family of misfits and renegades. It would be easier for you all to go down together than believe any one of you could fall alone.

Your heart jumps, threatening to push it's way out of your chest and greet them before your feet can pull you to the door, when it opens. Jesper is the first through the door, cracking the end of a joke. "You waited, that's sweet of you darling, were you worried about me?" he smirks.

"Always, what if you miss a shot?" you tease, pulling him into a hug.

"You wound me more than any enemy when you say things like that," he returns your hug, squeezing you that little bit tighter to let you know he missed you, and he was worried, even if he wouldn't admit it.

"No, you could never miss," Wylan quips. "You can shoot perfectly, but your timing, that could leave something to be desired." Wylan gives your arm a small squeeze as he passes, giving you time to pull away from the caring embrace of the now scowling Zemeni.

"Play nice lover boys," Nina says. She cups your face in two hands and plants a kiss on your nose. "We could've done with you on that one." She tells you, not to make you feel bad for your absence but to assure you of your presence, and you appreciate it. All the little ways Nina makes you feel loved, makes you feel like you belong, you appreciate them all.

You don't get a chance to turn around to see him before strong arms are engulfing you in a hug from behind. You lean back into it, the familiar smell, that reminds you of woodlands and fresh snow fall, filling your space. His coat is cold, but you can feel the warmth underneath it the tighter he holds you. "Matthias," you smile, tilting your head back to look up at him.

"Wild one," he replies, but there is a smile in the corner of his lips, not able to keep the stoic seriousness in his face.

"Did you miss me?" you ask.

"Every moment I was away," he tells you.

"I kind of miss when he didn't talk so much," Jesper says, pulling himself onto the desk to sit down.

You throw Jesper a warning look, it had taken far too long, and so much to get Matthias to where he was now, comfortable enough in his self and in the changes, in the challenges and the story that brought him here, to Ketterdam, to you, and always from a life he had always known and understood, for Jesper to make him doubt his progress for even a second. "Adawesi?" You challenge him.

Jesper laughs but backs down without a further comment.

Kaz looks less than pleased joins the gathering. "Inej decided to do some reconnaissance, and figure out where we are now in the situation," Kaz explains, not bothering to greet you.

He gives you a side glance, making his way to the back of the room. You're standing, Matthias's arms still around your body, laughing at something that Kaz does not understand or recognise as being funny at all.

You give him a small smile and he just eyes you before taking his seat.

"Jesper, as promised you can have your drinks, Nina, you can have your rest, Wylan, you can have your peace, and Matthias... what did you want again?" Kaz asks.

"I asked for nothing Demjin," Matthias says, finally taking his arms from around you, to stand taller. Of all the things that have changed, all the distance crossed, Matthias hasn't budged once in his dislike and distrust of Kaz Brekker. Matthias watches him, silent prayers to Djel that the demon in the suit across from him cannot sense his discomfort. He may have come to accept that his tricks are human, but he is yet to believe that Kaz himself is anything less than demonic.

"Right, it's all honour with you," Kaz says, looking down at some papers on the table. "Then I suppose you're all dismissed."

"Kaz I need a word," you remind him, you'd tried to ask him about a job before they left and Kaz had brushed you off, saying it could wait, you'd made him say he would speak to you as soon as he returned, that he understood this was important. He said he would. Now he was looking right through you.

"Right," he says, "can it wait?"

"It has waited," you tell him, "you don't scare me enough to be able to brush me off like that Brekker."

Nina, Wylan and Jesper make a quick exit at that statement, Wylan giving you a good luck nod as he ducks down and out of the room.

"So can I have your time or do I need to be a stolen painting?" you ask. You could fool yourself into thinking for a glimpse of a moment, Kaz almost smiles. He exhales and nods. You lean up on tiptoes and plant a kiss on Matthias's cheek. "I won't be long."

"Can I get you something?" he asks, not really wanting to leave you alone with Kaz but respecting that you can handle yourself well enough.

"I would love something sweet to eat," you tell him. His shoulders bump up slightly as he stifles a chuckle.

"I'll ask Nina," he says, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before leaving.

Kaz looks up at you, expectant. Waiting. His impatience clear on his tight lips. "What is it?"

"I want in on the job with Specht," you tell him. Something almost sets alight behind those dark eyes of his.

"No," he says plainly. You cross your arms, watching him but he goes back to his papers. "Is that all?"

"No," you tell him, "I want in on the job, he said himself he could use me."

"Then maybe I should have words with him about undermining me, I will tell him who is good for a job," Kaz spits.

"Boss, you keep side lining me," you say, "I thought maybe it was not a personal thing, but this is a piss easy job with the opportunity to work so much in the favour of The Dregs in Fifth Harbour, why won't you let me do this?"

"Go home," Kaz tells you, "go home, rest. Be comfortable in your safety, your friends made it home, your Fjerdan made it home, all is well," he sits up straighter in his chair. "So go home, enjoy your luxuries, convince Matthias that each day in Kerch is better than whatever life you could have in Fjerda, remind him of all the reasons not to miss his home, make him cheerful and fall asleep in his arms. If you really wish to do me a favour maybe convince him to stop looking at me like I might grow wings at any given point, or better yet, stop asking me about jobs, when I have one for you, you will have it."

You want nothing more than to go home to Matthias, to forget about everything that is needed and required from you, to simply curl up and be warm and happy with the man you love. But this was not about Matthias, this was not about your happiness, or your comfort, this was about Dirtyhands keeping you from your place. Besides you've never known Kaz to really care for your happiness in any regard, it took so much bargaining to get his help on the smallest of things, time and time again. Kaz was a business man before he was ever a friend to you. You knew that. He was your boss, and he rarely let there be moments when he felt like he was anything more. While the rest of the crows valued the companionship that came with this band of broken dolls, but Kaz, Kaz cannot help but keep everyone at arms length, in a metaphorical sense as much if not even more than the literal sense.

"You want me to leave," you state, eyeing him. "What is your problem with me... I thought... What is your problem?"

"I have no problem, except insubordination," he states. "How go on, hurry and catch up with your Drüskelle-,"

"Do not talk of Matthias in that tone," you snap, "he is more than you could ever hope to be Brekker and yet you talk of him with such dishonour, why because he has faith? Because he has purpose? Because he dares to love?"

“After a long, hard and lonely day: he can finally be in your arms again.” Kaz's words shouldn't strike you as so painful, and yet they do, it feels like he has pressed that oyster shucking knife from his sleeve right into your throat and was twisting it. "I can't give you that. And I doubt I ever will be able to."

"Kaz... what are you saying?" you ask. You'd expected anger, you'd been looking for a fight, but Kaz does not look like he wishes to fight, he doesn't even raise his voice, he takes a simple breath and then speaks.

"That if I was a different man, a better man, a man who had not been ruined and broken years before I ever got the chance to know you, I might just have been able to be the man that you need, the man I wish I was able to be, but know I will never become, even for you, I am not able, and I will not lie to either of us that I am. I am, and I can only ever be Dirtyhands, Bastard of The Barrel, and that is what you need of me more than you will ever need me to be the man I wish I was for you. So no, I do not... dislike Matthias, it is not that I dislike him, it is not that he is the enemy, Drüskelle, or Fjerdan. It is not that he does not deserve you, it is simply that I do not."

Kaz leaves without giving you a chance to respond. Not that you have a clue how to respond. You had never had the smallest inclination that Kaz had feelings for you at all. You were barely aware Kaz has feelings. Your mind is spinning. Unsure what you're supposed to do with this information.

You wait in the empty room, the door still open from his exit, the tapping of his cane disappearing into the noise of the club.

You take a moment, and you bring yourself back, to the moments before Kaz threw a match on everything. For all the shock, you remind yourself it doesn't matter. Kaz's reasonings for trying to keep you from your work were unspoken, he intended to spin you out with a confession that you did not need to hear. It had worked and that annoyed you most. You would not let him side line you for feelings he never deigned to suggest he ever had before. You would make him take you seriously, his feelings be damned. But you'd had a long day, and more prevalently, Matthias has had a long day, so you will find him, the man who you love, the man who would fight wars and change the world for. You were going to return to him, enjoy your treats and your calmness and his presence and force Brekker's words from your mind. Matthias who you had been waiting on all day, who kept your mind occupied with thoughts of him always. Matthias who you would always wait for, always go to. Your Matthias. You would not let Brekker ruin the calm, not for you, and not for Matthias, no matter his feelings. You couldn't let it.

[alexistalkingsstuff]

Everybody Wants To Rule The World- Tears for fears.

Today I will be relating this song to six of crows.

"Most for freedom" - this part being about Inej because she wants to have freedom more than anything. Matthias because during soc he just basically wants to get the fuck out of there and be a Druskelle again (obviously his motives change throughout the books) Wylan who wants to run away from his father. Nina to 1. Break Matthias out of hellgate. 2. To go back to Ravka. Jesper to be free of debt and guilt.

"And of pleasure." Kaz is a money whore.

"Nothing ever lasts forever," - chapter 40. They were all supposed to make it. But as much as they all wanted to believe they are not invincible.

" Everybody wants to rule the world." - In Ketterdam a lot of the time people's main motivation is power. Jan Van Eck wants to maintain his wealthy lifestyle while using a drug that basically kills Grisha and is almost like torture but he doesn't give a fuck about the people he hurts because he wants to be richer and why would he care about people's lives when the cause of their death, jurda parem, is mostly benefiting him. Pekka Rollins wanting to be the boss of the barrel even if that means preying on innocent children and their naivety.

"There's a room where the light won't find you,

Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down,"- This part being about how loyal the crows are to each other and how they each find love within this group both types too. They find platonic love with the fact they all have a strong bond. They also find romantic love within their pairings. (Kanej, Helnik and Wesper.) This part could also be about the ending in which Kaz and Inej hold hands without armour and the "walls tumbling down" are the walls Kaz has put up to protect not only himself but Inej too. But he ends up breaking down those walls just for her as she holds his hand through it. (Literally and metaphorically.)

"When they do I'll be right behind you," -Again the loyalty within the group.

"So glad we've almost made it," - They didn't all make it however the ones who did are glad they did so they can experience life past this point.

"So sad they had to fade it,"- This might be just me but I feel like the crows won't be known as legends like Alina Starkov. Of course Inej will be known for her work of hunting slavers and being the total badass she is. And Wylan known for being a member of the merchant council. Jesper is reading assistant and partner and helping run the Van Eck business. Nina as a Grisha soldier (I haven't finished reading RoW yet so I don't fully know Nina's ending yet). Kaz of course is famous as dirtyhands and bastard of the barrel running a criminal empire. And Matthias will sadly be known as a traitor to the Druskelle. But they won't be known as "The Crows" the ones who broke into the ice court at least not by the public. And the fact that they were criminals and also a lot of them were considered "barrel rats" probably doesn't help because history is always written by powerful people and they would be able to twist the story however they like. Idk this might just be by personal opinion on the legacy of the crows.

[vilixpran]

my shadow and bone s2 running thoughts

"there's only one bed!" speedrun

sometimes hot people can't act

this is actually.... not good

wow being incognito lasted three minutes

no hesitation to blow your cover

what a kind northern Irish village gentleman

the bitch is back, long live the bitch

show me a 40 year old! not every person alive is 25 and hot

genya's wig... ain't it

all he is is dumb and hot

let the fake Scandinavians mispronounce jail, show me realism

ah yes, we do cool nods at the wall of weapons

the ears are the sign of a good tracker, and mal sure does have two ears

Sea Whip, That Was Easy™️

all tell, no show, that's the way that we go

god inej is fit

total stranger, for now xx

they're just putting their faces close together on purpose

daaaamn these bitches dead and deading others

ah yes, ignite the bombs while you're in the room

pirate ship cult

Nikolai is a dork

how small is this ocean....

kazs PTSD, a running gag

baby girl, you won't "finally eradicate it for good" right now, it's episode three

aah so they fucked

TINY ROLLINS WEE SCOTTISH BAB

"hey babe, expose your knife wound while i trauma dump plot info"

god inej is fit

nina knows

god nina is fit too

*saoirse ronan* "women"

how many times can this man get stabbed in the shoulder? we're up to three

murder is good, murder is chill, i've got no qualms with murder

too many characters, too many plots, disproportionate amount of time spent on the crows and god bless them for that

"hey bro can i propose to your girlfriend bro"

the mood lighting in this plague cemetery, vibes

HORRIBLE FAKE SCANDINAVIAN LANGUAGE, HORRIBLE -10000/10

girlie pop, youve got to lose the signature fancy hat, you are the most recognisable

dat ass

my man is here to be petty and he's bringing friends along for the ride

no plot! only flirting! as we deserve

let them all be lesbians

SPEEDRUN WESPER

episode four and they're already fucking thank Christ

good good wylan and Jesper are off shagging, I can brood in peace

"no"

time isn't real! geography is a myth! our boats will get there when it's convenient for the plot!

we are criminals, rats of the barrel, and occasionally help foreign royals when they ask nicely

"warm, and wet" the crows in Shu han, the gift that keeps on giving

can't believe I have to watch some reylo shit all over again

Dominik Dominik I sense an ex friend with benefits with our man Nikolai

good let the twink talk to butterflies and ignore the suffering of his friends

deforest station

happy to have a himbo in tolya

not so much a slow death by poisoning as a chance for nice life affirming trips to remotivate our heroes in the ninth hour

"throwing up or hallucinations" the only two possible outcomes of poisoning

she's the avatar!

one night stand to soulmates pipeline

ah yes, continue to make out in the background for everyones big character revelations

"you're a part of me mal, I can't loose you" well murder him and eat his bones and he'll be with you forever

boyfriend to organ donor pipeline

star wars levels of hand amputation, now featuring Mother's Good Finger Bones

"and there was only one set!"

yeah like, they definitely used to fuck, surely

twenty minutes of this episode and no crows, for shame

the crows aka Deus ex machina but make it fun flirty and bisexual

more finger amputations, moooooreeeeee

woohoo C plot lesbians

queue the fire benders

little viking boy, drawing crosses in the sand

Matthias villian origin story set up for season three

fun fact, I don't actually want to see another finger amputation

blue skies and sunny yet these bitches can't see a thing

the location scout must have been so proud of themselves for finding this fort, so proud that they spent two episodes having two identical groups chasing each other around three walls

you know what this big battle scene needs? some music

unecessarily squishy icicle stab sound effects

FIVE MORE FINGERS CUT OFF JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

oh damn she actually did it

slaaaayyyy

"series regular" shows up every two episodes for a single scene unrelated to the main plot

why aren't they lighting the kindling from multiple places and especially from lower down?

good for inej

again with the tiny ocean and instantly finding exactly what you were looking for, ofmd logic

uh oh hehe

gross

[anthony-sharma]

Six of Crows Reread - Ch. 18

Chapter 18: Kaz

_

“You know I can do it, Kaz, and you know I’m not going to refuse. So why ask?”

Because I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days.”

Oh, my emotionally constipated man! He can’t show he actually cares about people because UGH FEELINGS!

“Kaz nodded. He glanced around then said, “The navy threw him out for insubordination, and refused him his pension. He has a sister to support near Belendt. I got him his money.”

“That was good of you.”

Kaz narrowed his eyes. “I’m not some character out of a children’s story who plays harmless pranks and steals from the rich to give to the poor. There was money to be made and information to be had. Specht knows the navy’s routes like the back of his hand.”

He always tries to deny that there’s good in him even when Inej tries to pry the goodness out of him, goodness that he seems to want to hide so bad!

“Tell me you know that. He needed her to say it. This job wasn’t like anything he’d attempted before.

Every doubt she’d raised was a legitimate one, and only echoed the fears in his own head. He’d snapped at her before they’d left Ketterdam, told her he’d get a new spider for the job if she didn’t think he could pull it off. He needed to know that she believed he could do this, that he could take them into the Ice Court and bring them out feeling whole and righteous the way he’d done with other crews on other jobs. He needed to know she believed in him.

But all she said was, “I hear Pekka Rollins was the one gunning for us in the harbour.”

Kaz felt a surge of disappointment. “So?”

Yeah well Kaz, you also didn’t apologize to her when you should have. Don’t expect her to say she trusts you when this is pretty much a suicide mission. 

“I’ll pray for him,” Inej said. “For peace in the next world if not in this one.”

He turned his head. They were sitting close together, their shoulders nearly touching. Her eyes were so brown they were almost black, and for once her hair was down. She always wore it tied back in a ruthlessly tight coil. Even the idea of being this near someone should have set his skin crawling.

Instead he thought, What happens if I move closer?

“I don’t want your prayers,” he said.

“What do you want, then?”

The old answers came easily to mind. Money. Vengeance. Jordie’s voice in my head silenced forever. But a different reply roared to life inside him, loud, insistent, and unwelcome. You, Inej. You.

He shrugged and turned away. “To die buried under the weight of my own gold.”

THIS SCENE! I love how it was acted on the show, and I loved that it was set in a church of all places, given how religious imagery surrounds both of them (her, because of her faith and him, basically thinking that Inej is almost holy as his conversation with Matthias will later let us know). What I also really like about this scene is how far away Kaz still is from willingly starting to even touch Inej in the most innocent of ways and still he’s not repulsed by her and thinks “What happens if I moved closer a little bit more?” Even through his trauma, he’s willing to try and he’s willing to try and know what would happen were he able to do something more about what he feels for her. 

However, obviously, he ruins it by saying that he wants to be buried in gold. And it’ll be a while until he’s able to be a bit more straightforward regarding what he feels for her. 

“Kaz limped to the bow, annoyed with himself and angry with Inej. Why had he sought her out? Why had he told her about Jordie? He’d been irritable and unfocused for days. He was used to having his Wraith around – feeding the crows outside his window, sharpening her knives while he worked at his desk, chastising him with her Suli proverbs. He didn’t want Inej. He just wanted their routine back.

Kaz leaned against the ship’s railing. He wished he hadn’t said anything about his brother. Even those few words raised the memories, clamouring for attention. What had he said to Geels at the Exchange? I’m the kind of bastard they only manufacture in the Barrel. One more lie, one more piece of the myth he’d built for himself.”

Yeah Kaz, tell yourself is just the routine you want back. Of course is not the fact that the bare mention of her leaving Ketterdam makes you a little bit crazy. 

On another note, it’s funny this phrase he says to Geels about being manufactured in the Barrel, because the man literally took “Brekker” out of a machine.

“In the years after, Kaz would always wonder what might have happened if Jordie hadn’t indulged him, if they’d gone to the harbour to look at boats instead, or if they’d simply been walking on the other side of the canal. He wanted to believe that might have made the difference, but the older he got, the more he doubted it would have mattered at all.”

I find this interesting because it mentions that the older he got, the less he thought it would have made a difference wherever they had gone, and whether Jordie had indulged his wish of going to see the mechanical dogs or not. However, he mentions before that he wants Jordie voice silenced forever and later in the book it is mentioned that he still feels guilty for what happened to them. And why would he feel gulty for something that he had absolutely no part in? He evidently thought it was his actions what ended up causing the chain of events that drove Jordie to strike a deal with Pekka, starting with the mechanical dogs. 

“Filip had been furious. He’d yelled at Mister Hertzoon, told him it wasn’t fair. He said Mister Hertzoon was just like the merchants at the Exchange, hoarding all the riches for himself, and called Mister Hertzoon names that had made Kaz cringe. When he’d stormed out, everyone at the coffeehouse had stared at Mister Hertzoon’s red, embarrassed face.”

Well, Filip should have been a contender for the Oscars that year, as well as Pekka, because that acting? Pekka pretending to be embarrassed and Filip shouting names at him as if he meant it? That’s some good acting!

“I have money,” said Jordie.

Mister Hertzoon had smiled indulgently. “Jordie, you’re a good lad, and some day I have no doubt you’ll be a king of the Exchange, but you don’t have the kind of funds these investors require.”

Jordie’s chin had gone up. “I do. From the sale of my father ’s farm.”

“And I expect it’s all you and Kaz have to live on. That’s not something to be risked on a trade, no matter how certain the outcome. A child your age has no business—”

“I’m not a child. If it’s a good opportunity, I want to take it.”

I know Pekka was using here some reverse psychology to convince him to invest but, my dude...he was literally telling you you had no business in doing such a trade. The signs were right there, you should have listened! Although Kaz is right when he thinks later (in CK if I’m not mistaken) that Jesper really is like Jordie was, reckless and thinking that he could be on top of things when he was just a little boy who didn’t know anything and was easily duped. 

Anyway, that’s it for chapter 18. Next up, we learn a little bit more about Matthias’ backstory with Nina. 

[mockwrites]

❣

❣ -- a teasing / sensual kiss.

There was something about her nature that was endlessly greedy and grasping, a tenuous balance of having too much and always wanting more and more and more. 

She could occupy all of Matthias’ attention and still want more; it was something equally frustrating for both of them, a martyr who had no more to give and a girl who knew nothing but taking. When Gale came into their lives, it was a welcome break for the both of them as she turned the intensity of her focus unto another person -- and she got another colorful character to write into her life.

But catching her attention was another challenge to scale -- Aurelia ran her tongue over her bottom lip, deep in thought, tea steaming and untouched in front of her, Matthias similarly neglected as she pondered how best to get Gale to pay attention. 

PDA always made the normal person look away -- but Gale hardly struck her as conventional, and so she reached over, laying her hand over Matthias’ to grab his attention, knowing that it would willingly be given, much like any other part of him.

She smiled in response to his questioning glance, a quirk of his eyebrows, a twitch in his set jaw, moving her hand up to catch his face and kissing the curiosity off his lips, lingering a moment too much to be considered decent in public, inhaling the neat cologne he had on, licking her lips once again after pulling away to taste the coffee he had.

He tilted his head as if to question her motives; no doubt also to reprimand her for trying to make a scene in a public space, but her attention was already directed elsewhere.

[sumsebien]

shadow and bone masterlist

Welcome to my S&B masterlist! 🥰

🏷 here is my taglist and the show/ people I write for

*: nsfw

the darkling:

how i won the war *: part 1; part 2 ; part 3

summary: general kirigan’s plans backfire. sun summoner!y/n finds herself torn between love and country, truth and deception

preview:

The mythical stag with antlers that curled into a majestic crown, a folklore came true from the bones of Sankt Ilya in Chains. Morozova’s stag whose powers could augment Grisha powers. His power and her power.

Y/N didn’t think it was true, naturally, having been raised to believe it to be no more than bedtime stories. “But the stag has never been found,” she said, playing with his hands, mindlessly tracing the lines in his palms.

General Kirigan closed his fingers around hers, running his thumb along the back of her hand. She shifted her neck, twisting around to meet his dark cool gaze. “Until now.”

kaz brekker:

you are done for (1.8k)

summary: kaz is convinced that you were in grave danger when actually, it was just your birthday.

preview:

Kaz wasn’t scheming. He was worried. It was way past the eighth bell, even Jesper was here and you were nowhere to be found. Where the hell could you be? What could be holding you up at 8 on a Wednesday night? Apart from being kidnapped, tortured and murdered? asked the little voice in his head. Nothing.

i don't want to be alone (1.2k)

summary: kaz is sick

preview:

He did not look fine, by the way. His hair was floppy from constantly running his hand through, the bags under his eyes were more permanent than most days and his nose was red. He was sniffling as well but was doing so as discreetly as one could. He didn’t look like the formidable crime lord he usually was but rather a tired, burnt out boy desperately in need of a break.

matthias helvar:

-> blurbs:

in the wake (dad!matthias)

nikolai lantsov:

-> one shots:

a dare for a truth (3.5k)

summary: a night in Ketterdam promises Nikolai a tattoo and maybe something more.

preview:

Finally, shots down. Nikolai decided to take his chance. “Tell me something real about you.”

“Ah, you’d have to pay me for that.”

Nikolai did not hesitate to pull out a couple of kruge from his pocket. She laughed when she saw that. “I am not a wishing well. I don’t take coins.” She had her elbow against the counter, turning to face him. “How about you play my games and I tell you? A dare for a truth.”

you bring me home (1.1k)

summary: nikolai is overworked and you are worried

preview:

He gave a weak nod and you pulled him into your arms. His skin was cool to the touch, melting into your warmth. He leaned against you like ice on a balmy summer’s day, his hands shaking gently as they fell around your waist.

“I’m so tired,” he confessed, his face buried in the crook of your neck.

run away with me * (5k)

summary: Y/N had been Nikolai's for forever. Until she wasn't.

preview: You could make sweet promises to love, to hold and to cherish Vasily before the arbor, the priest and the saints. Never once faltering. But you would never really believe it.

scars and all (1k)

summary: Post R&R, Nikolai doesn’t like his hands very much but Y/N does.

preview:

“Nikolai,” you said quietly, disguising a sigh which Nikolai could still catch. “Why are you wearing them to bed?”

“I always go to bed naked. Might be fun to change things up for a bit,” Nikolai joked with a wink and a wobbly smile, retrieving his hand from you.

Most of the time, no matter how terrible the joke was, you would at least still offer him a pitiful smile or a short laugh. But this time, you held onto the grim silence.

“Please just answer me.”

loving you is the antidote (2.7k)

summary: once upon a ball, friends with benefits become something more or... less?

preview:

“You will eventually have to marry, Nikolai. That’s all I’m saying.”

“No, I don’t. I can do whatever I want,” Nikolai said, jabbing a finger to his chest. “And I will.”

You smiled. “An illusion is all it is. We both know you know better than that, moi tsar,” you said, walking away.

Nikolai didn’t stop you this time. He just stared because that was all he could do. For the first time, he didn’t have a clever comeback, no witty remarks. The only thing left on his tongue was a bitter aftertaste of a love he could never have.

“I will see you later?” he croaked, calling after you like a needy little boy afraid of sleeping in the dark.

“Maybe.”

exes don't have to be enemies (1.6k)

summary: exes to friends with a bit of zoyalai but make everything healthy

preview:

“Y/N,” you blinked at his voice. Nikolai was now right in front of you, holding your hand. “You have me. I don’t know what you think you have to do. But you don’t have to do it alone.”

“I do.”

He sighed, “Alright. Where are you planning to go?”

“Novyi Zem.”

“Novyi Zem? What are you going to do there? Live your cottage life as a jurda farmer in nowheresville? That’s not who you are.”

-> blurbs

“heavy is the head that wears the crown”

hey, hazel eyes

heartrender husbands (fedyor + ivan)

being besties with the heartrender husbands headcanons

[pochiperpe90]

Here comes “The Old Guard”. Marinelli goes to Hollywood, alongside Charlize Theron.

“Alone, fragile and immortal.”

A story of love, friendship and compassion with an ancient warrior and a young African American, who has just discovered she is immortal, as protagonists. Because the world needs women and courage knows no gender differences. 20 years after “Love & Basketball” and after “The Secret Life of Bees” and “Beyond the Lights - Find Your Voice”, Gina Prince-Bythewood comes to the action movie with very clear ideas on how to reinvent the rules. We talked to her over the phone while she was in Los Angeles during the lockdown. 

A superhero movie that doesn't look like a superhero movie. Is that why you decided to make it? 

Absolutely yes, when I read the script I realized that despite the fantastic genre there was a very realistic background. These characters are real and it's easy for the audience to relate to them despite being immortal. They fight for goals and reasons that people understand. The more realistic the film, the more viewers can reflect themselves in the protagonists. 

In fact, the most fascinating aspect of the characters is their vulnerability: they are immortal, but up to a certain point, which is a paradox. They too have to deal with the sense of the end. 

There is a possibility that they may die, that their immortality is interrupted, that they still suffer from their wounds, and this brings them closer to us. The public still feels sorry for them when they see them in danger.

Immortals suffer, and not just physically.

Many think that being able to live forever would be extraordinary, but no one asks what this really means. Immortality has consequences: it can be a gift, but it can also be a curse.

And we don’t know why immortality fell to them. 

The thing I loved about the graphic novel and the script is the fact that there is no explanation. Not only do we not know it, but neither do the protagonists. But it is a trilogy and therefore there is still a lot to tell.

Could you offer your contribution to the script? 

It was a great script, with great roles based on the graphic novel so I stayed very true to the text. With the author, Greg Rucka, we wanted to reflect on the fear of taking someone's life, the one that sometimes overwhelms soldiers in war, whose psychology is often neglected. Hollywood films have never been very concerned with this aspect, as if killing had no consequences. The protagonists are forced to kill, but if someone has been doing it for centuries, for others it’s the first time. 

What struck you about Luca Marinelli? 

I could talk about him for days, I love him, he's the actor that all directors dream of having on set. He loved the character and gave him life in a very credible way. Between him and Marwan Kenzari is born a great complicity, necessary between two people who have been together for centuries. Luca's eyes are full of soul, his Nicky is the heart of the group, he’s the most sensitive character of all of them. 

Charlize Theron, who is also one of the producers, has an increasingly and more torn body.

Charlize has already played roles like this one, she is very credible in the genre of action and has been helpful to who had never faced it before. From her, who really worked hard, others learned to do the same. She is very credible in the role of a woman who lived for thousands of years.

Matthias Schoenaerts, on the other hand, has an insidious role. 

He embodies the tragedy of immortality, loneliness, betrayal. He is the actor who most resembles his character in the graphic novel. He wanted to make the film at all costs because he had never measured himself with the action genre and felt he had things to express. 

The film underlines how today it’s no longer possible to hide, images can capture you at any time. 

In a scene near the end, when the immortals look at photos and articles about them, they truly become aware for the first time of everything they have done to protect humanity. They understand the power of images from which they continually try to escape in order to hide their identity. 

And then we talk about science and profit. 

In the film, people from different places join forces to protect the world, a need even more relevant today. Yet it is increasingly evident that profit matters more than human lives. 

Do you think the film industry is becoming more inclusive with women? 

Things are finally changing and I am grateful that, despite having no other action films on my resume, I have been entrusted with The Old Guard. I am grateful for the trust they have placed in me. It should be taken for granted by now that women are capable of coping with any film genre and I think how much pressure from the industry Patty Jenkins, who directed Wonder Woman to success and opening the door for many of us, went through. But the door must be wide open because there are still few who have such opportunities. 

In your opinion, have opportunities grown with the arrival of platforms like Netflix? 

Netflix wasn't afraid to trust a series of directors. Which studio would have produced Roma or Irishman? He has the courage to make films that Hollywood deems too risky.

The Golden boy

“Luca Marinelli, as we have never seen him before: in his Hollywood debut, he becomes an immortal and fights with Charlize Theron to save the world.”

Just before the lockdown he was one of the jury members of the 70th Berlinale in the city where he has lived for years - and he swears he had so much fun watching three films a day. The audience awaits him in theatre in the role of Diabolik, in the film directed by Manetti Bros., but on July 10th he arrives on Netflix with The Old Guard, the action movie that sees him alongside Charlize Theron. And where he plays the Italian Nicolo, Nicky for the group of immortals he belongs to. Directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood and based on the graphic novel by Greg Rucka and Leandro Fernández, the film offers Luca Marinelli an insidious superpower, an endless love and a new opportunity to demonstrate his talent as a true champion. We reached him on the phone and he, less shy than usual, told us how he became a secular "superhero".

How did you get to the project? 

I auditioned in London, where I later returned and met the director. Lastly, there was a final meeting between me and Marwan Kenzari. We made a scene together and then they announced to me, "We'd love for you to be Nicky." 

What struck you about this character? 

The story fascinated me because it tells of immortals as if they were the damned. Nicky and Joe live this condition as a gift because they are linked by a wonderful love story and they are not alone. They met in an absurd and paradoxical situation, during the Crusades, ready to kill themselves. They did it a hundred times and then they looked at each other and fell in love. But others suffer from it, like Andy and Booker. In a beautiful scene, Booker, played by Matthias Schoenaerts, explains what happens to them: they see the people they love die and blame them because they cannot prevent it. And they are tired of watching the world repeat itself following the same dynamics. They fight to save people, but everything seems to go on the same way. Only in the end will they discover what they have done and what they are doing. 

How did it go with Charlize Theron? 

Well, it was wonderful! As I read the script I said to myself: am I really going to make a film with Charlize Theron? And hug as well! I was very excited and intimidated already while reading. She is an extraordinary actress. In the scene where we are at the table and everyone tells Nile something about us, Andy tells her what we are and it was nice to see her running and venturing into the midst of emotions and thoughts. Sometimes I got distracted and didn't say my line. But Charlyze is also a crazy athlete. You have to be really athletes, otherwise you don't survive at the end of the day. And Charlize is an athlete of the body and the heart. 

What about her athletic training? 

We got together a month before shooting to start working with the stunts. I had to get some athleticism back: when I arrived and they looked at me I think they were a little worried. We had to become familiar with martial arts and then we switched from the sword to other weapons and to hand-to-hand combat. We prepared scene by scene, including the choreographies, different for each fight, and each of us had his own rubber reproduction of the sword. It was an unforgettable training.

The immortals come from different places in the world. How much of Italy is there in Nicky? 

Apart from the pronunciation? They still laugh at some of the things I said. Marwan and Matthias, but also Charlize, speak Italian at different levels and every now and then I enjoyed shooting a few sentences to which they could answer me. 

Did you offer your character something that wasn't in the script? 

Well, being in such a group, shy as I am ... I tried. I have always focused on the bond between Nicky, Joe and the other members of the group, because I am interested in discovering what is inside a character, his feelings, how he looks at the world, what excites him. Nicky has lived for centuries, but still greets the people he meets in the desert with a smile, inside him there is the flame of an infinite good. Each character has a different sensitivity and their own armor. Nicky is perhaps the least armored one.

The challenge was also to make people believe in a love story that has lasted for centuries. 

Marwan recites a beautiful monologue in which he talks about their love story. I hope that each of us, in their short life, can say the same thing about the person they love. 

You’ve already had superpowers in “They Call Me Jeeg”. What is your relationship with this genre? 

I like it very much and I think that both films, very different from each other, have a very interesting soul. In Jeeg Robot, Enzo Ceccotti uses his superpowers to help others, taking on a social responsibility. In The Old Guard the protagonists put themselves at the service of others, even if no one has asked them to. “This is what we do,” they repeat over and over to each other. What they do is save people, participate in what they think is right. 

How do you think they would react to protests on American streets and around the world?

I don't feel like playing games, mixing reality and fiction on a terribly real subject like this. I think that in reality, outside of any cinematic fiction, it’s fundamental to fight for equality, within society, but also within ourselves. To go back to our film, if in a microscopic way we manage to carry a message in that direction, I would be very happy. 

What director was Gina Prince-Bythewood? 

She is always ready to listen, and I am someone who asks a lot of questions even at inappropriate times. She always had great patience and was very attentive to the emotional side of the film, to the interiority and beauty of the characters.

CIAK Magazine - Luglio 2020

Just wanted to translate this old interview for the non-italian’s fans ^^ (sorry for my English)

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker x fem! Ghafa! Reader - Selfish

A/n: So I wasn't fully happy how this turned out but it's fine! Also btw I changed the title it was previously There for you, there for me?

Warnings: Heart break, language, it has Kaz in it so... I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: Inej your sister is coming back and you know it's selfish but maybe you don't want her to return?

You knew you it was stupid, they all warned you not to. But how could you not? Those raven locks and those deep cold eyes that drew you into a endless ocean of Kaz Brekker. You knew it was silly, crazy even, but maybe that's what the world needed? Did the world need the impossible? The insane? The crazy parts?

When the ice court heist left everyone in shambles trying quickly to pick up the pieces of what you had all lost, and gained. While Nina and Matthias went off to Fjerda, Wylan and Jesper ran the markets, and Inej went off fighting slavers, you...

You stayed.

You stayed for the man that your sister held his heart, the man that you fell for. Staying in Ketterdam surprised everyone, staying with the dregs surprised them even more. You could have left with Inej, you had also been trapped in the menagerie, but your heart had told you to stop listening to your head for second. Would you be happy if you did?

No.

It was the simple yet complicated answer. You realized that you would never be happy as the barrel had become a way of life for you. You were a goddess here, why would you let that go? Ya it was selfish but the sea would shallow you whole with memories you didn't need, they almost did on the ice court heist.

You scale a building as you rip open a letter from your sister giddily, awaiting to see the words on the page that were meant for you. Taking the letter out of the envelope, your smile slowly starts to fade away into a frown as your eyes go down the page.

Dear sister,

The seas have been treating me well, the slavers seems to be cooling down a bit which leads me to my next point of this letter. I'm coming back to visit Ketterdam! I really don't know how you live there, remember the seas are always open for you! Also can you do me a quick favor and in this envelope there's another note inside here for Kaz, can you deliver it for me? Thank you!

May the Saints bless you,

With lots of love, your sister;

Inej

Dread filled you up. Maybe it was selfish however perhaps selflessness wasn't one of your qualities. But you didn't want Inej to come back, you had started something with Kaz. Building anything with Kaz was hard, much less a relationship. Would he choose her over you? The possibilities were endless of what could happen, but you saw very little outcomes where you and Kaz would stay together.

Of course he would choose her, why wouldn't he? You call yourself a goddess, yet your worried what might happen if your little lover might come into contact with your sister. Ha! Your nothing compared to the Wraith.

Shut it. You think, but the truth still lays there right in front of you. It was out in the open and you couldn't ignore it anymore. But what would you do?

Be happy for them. A voice in the back of your head whispers sadly.

Yes, that's what you would do. If they would want to be together you would help them. Selflessness may not be one of the qualities you possessed but you somehow had grabbed it off of someone else shelf. It was in your hands now, and you were going to use it.

As you start to walk back over to the Slat, one thought remains in your mind at the plan you had just formed.

What about you?

+++++++++++TIME SKIP+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wait on the docks beside Kaz, as you two stand side by side waiting for the boat The Wraith to unload. Wylan and Jesper are also there, talking to each other like there's no tomorrow. They're probably just trying to shake off the nerves. You know you are.

You nervously fiddle with your hands as it feels like Inej's crew takes forever to unload everything and start getting everything together. You may not have wanted your sister to come back but you still wanted her to be safe.

And alive. That would be enjoyable.

Finally after what seemed like a century you see the girl come out from the boat and step onto the docks. A single beam of sun light somehow seems to hit her face perfectly as she does and it makes her look like a saint.

Jealousy fills and bubbles in your gut heating to a boiling point. But you push it down because thank the saints she came back alive and unhurt. You pull her into a hug as she comes close enough to you.

While pulling away you smile at her, one of the things that you don't do very often, even so you only really do for two people. Internally you cringe for thinking about Kaz and Inej in the same thought process.

Be happy for them.

Wylan and Jesper go in for a hug and Kaz just's nods at her not liking touch. Though, his eyes still shines a certain way when he looks at her.

"How did the sea's treat you?" Kaz ask's her and Inej goes into a whole delivery of stories about her time at sea. You all started walking to a near waffle house and the one group suddenly turns into two. With Inej, Kaz, Jesper, and Wylan at the front, and you walking in the back. Alone.

For a split second you wished Nina and Matthias were here. Although Nina would like to listen to Inej's sea stories she would have stayed with you. But this is as it should be.

You didn't deserve that kind of kindness.

They go into the waffle house and you step aside into the darkness on the street, you were no Wraith but you were still a Ghafa.

They don't even notice your absence.

You watch them through the window and although it may had been a bit creepy you were sure Kaz did worse and you lived in Ketterdam so... And everything you see just confirms your suspicions.

Inej and Kaz look at each, Kaz looks her that way and quickly looks away. They share little innocent touches that would go unnoticed by the regular person but meant your world was slowly breaking. Touch, touch, touch.

Tears well up in your eyes and you push down sobs. Turning sharply to the side you run down the street for a bit before finding a building and a ladder. You scale the building with the help of the ladder not being careful enough so bruises and scrapes would probably show up. But not having enough will to care.

You go and stumble to sit down on the edge and when you do the sobs finally at last leave your throat.

There ugly and uncalled for, because why did you have the right to cry?

No. You growl in your mind.

For once you did have a good reason. Your heart just broke. By the saints even that sounds silly and stupid but you really didn't care.

People always seem to try and describe a broken heart but you absolutely cannot know what it feels like if you have not had your heart broken before.

Tears roll down your face as you continue to sob. Then abruptly... You stop.

Well, your tears silently roll down your cheeks but your sobbing stops. The full feeling finally hits you and the roll coaster you thought you would be experiencing isn't there. It's worse.

Your heart has been ripped out of your chest and it's leaving a gaping hole. Honestly, you don't think you'll ever get it back.

Pathetic, you knew it was, but maybe so was life and this is all just some sick game for someone else's enjoyment.

You barely hear it but there's a soft click of a cane and you didn't even realize it but it was already dark out.

Shit.

You know it's Kaz and you can't face him. You really can't. One because he would obviously know somethings wrong just by taking one look at your tear streaked face. Two because how could you face the man you loved, when you knew he at least liked your sister?

"I would say the stars aren't out today, but they never are in Ketterdam." You start to say, and your voice doesn't wobble but it does have a sense of finality to it.

Kaz comes and stands behind you, and you assumed that he nodded because he didn't say anything. Or maybe nothing was needed to be done or said.

"Inej sometimes said that the stars are the saints watching over us." You pause for a second looking up at the starless sky. Where are you going with this?

"If they are then Ketterdam must be out of their reach and Inej must have brought them back from the sea."

Kaz steps forward so he's even closer to you, and place's a shaky hand on your shoulder.

"I don't think that's true." Kaz whispers into the cold air of Ketterdam.

"If the saints are real and they couldn't watch over Ketterdam. But there's one saint that's always here, that could probably leave if they could but won't. One saint that must be the child of them all, because their so much more then they give themselves credit for. And that the saints sent them to watch over Ketterdam but to never leave." Kaz stops talking and he slowly sits down beside me.

You don't turn to face him you never do when you have talks like these. It's like a silent rule between the two of you, but Kaz Brekker was literally a criminal you both are. So your not nearly as surprised as you should be when he finally decides to break it.

He place's a gloveless hand under your chine and gently turns your head so your facing him. Your eyes finally meet his and everything comes into focus and-

Oh.

You've heard people say that the eyes are the entrance to the soul and maybe you didn't believe them before but it couldn't be more right. In Kaz's eyes you see what he's been trying to tell you for months, but you were so blind in thinking that Inej loved him that you didn't see his attempts. But now, you knew.

He didn't love Inej, he love's you.

He cups your cheek and slowly leans in and lightly brush's his lips on yours. It's barley a kiss but it's enough for now. It's all you could ever ask for.

"Inej love's you." It's a simple statement and Kaz just nods. You hesitate trying to think about your next few words carefully.

"I don't want to hurt her, I never could hurt her intentionally but... What should we do?"

Kaz thinks for a moment before speaking. "Inej will be out at sea and I think one day she'll find someone. She'll be out at sea and we'll break to her when she's ready. And I think whatever we have we can- can have. I know it's selfish but I've never been know for being selfless."

You just intertwine your guy's hands together in agreement while you watch the gloomy but alive streets of Ketterdam.

It's selfish, you both know it but selflessness apparently was not something in both your personality traits.

Words 1905

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung

[musicallisto]

Hi, congrats on 800 followers! Can I please get a Six of Crows ship? I’m have short brown hair (I dyed red last week) and green eyes. I don't mind if im shipped with a girl or a boy. I like reading (no romantic novels), music and photography. I'm Aquarius. I’m very curious. I'm a little shy and even cold at first. I’m not good with feelings, I mostly keep them to myself if I can, but I care deeply for my loved ones and would do anything to help them, even if I'm not very good at giving advice. ☆

hi! here’s your vanilla milkshake, I hope you like it! I ship you with jesper fahey!

You don’t imagine the extent of my joy to be able to add a gif of an actual real person for Jesper... however shall I survive until Aprid 23rd?

For the longest time, you thought the world started and ended at your corner of Fjerda, in your frozen estate by the True Sea.

You were descented from minor Fjerdan nobility, and your father, jaded by Court Life and its political intrigues - and, unofficially, penniless after giving his all for the sempiternal wars on Ravka -, had decided to leave the capital and retire to his family’s estate by the sea a few years after you were born.

All you had ever known were the large, marbled corridors you’d spend entire afternoons wandering, daydreaming about adventures in the confines of the country - or living the lavish life of a true Fjerdan princess, in an outrageously enormous bed of satin sheets...

The house was spacious and beautiful, with a marvelous view over the sea, gently carrying its boats to and fro before you - and you’d stay there on the balcony in your flowy white dress, admiring the ocean until you couldn’t fight the chills of the night creeping up your spine anymore; but as tranquil and languid as your existence was, it was also terribly lonely.

All you longed for was a sibling, a friend, a partner in crime, someone you could explore the world and go on quests with...

... until a lighting bolt tore the silence, one night.

You couldn’t sleep, so you had gone on a walk by the shore as you often did - your father was never worried about it, since you knew the rocks and their cracks like the back of your hand, and would know the way back home even with your eyes closed.

But you were so absorbed by the distant twinkling of stars that you didn’t notice the shadows creeping up behind you until it was too late.

Screams in a language you can’t understand; an arm around your neck in a chokehold, another slipping under your knees; you thrash around, slice all you can, bite and claw at all you can grasp...

Your abductors know better than to let Fjerdan nobility get away from their grasp. They don’t know exactly who you are - but they’ve guessed from the distinguished aspect of your house that there’s a fine sum to gain from whoever will be willing to pay for you - your father for a ransom, or anyone else, in Kerch, who’ll make good use of your services.

Those brothels in Ketterdam pay good money for young girls, they hear - even more so for a Fjerdan pearl.

When they throw you on an overloaded carriage like a potato sack, you’re still yelling at the top of your lungs, pleading for your father, for one of your maids, for anyone to help you.

But no one hears.

You shed all the tears you have in the first night, tossed around in a dark chariot, off to somewhere unknown. Your father hasn’t prepared you for this - nothing, not even your books nor your fantastical imaginary adventures...

But you don’t intend on being sold off that easily. So you devise a plan to get away.

The first opportunity to break free presents itself when your kidnappers force you to board a ship; but they manage to catch you before you’ve run very far.

But second time’s the charm; with nothing better to do during the voyage than to bide your time and gnaw at your bonds, you’re able to slip from your captor’s watch, and blindly run through the harbor - just to get as far as possible from the stench of this floating carcass.

The first thing that strikes you is the odor. You’ve known the sea forever - it’s clear and bright as ice, and smells of fresh mornings and cold salt; never of this green rot that festers everywhere in these streets... and all those chimneys, all those people, who stare you down as you run down these grimy streets, barefoot in your off-white dress...

You understand that you’re farther from home than you’ve ever been, and it’s not a thrilling adventure, it’s terrifying and overwhelming, and you want nothing more than to burst into tears.

But you don’t, because a pair of strangers flag you down in a language you don’t understand.

A tall and lanky dark-skinned boy, wearing vibrant fabric and a self-assured grin; and possibly the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen in your life, all bright eyes and genuine frown.

Paralyzed, you open your mouth, once, twice, incapable of making the slightest sound; until the girl notices your visible discomfort, and, eyeing your pale eyes, asks in the slightest of Ravkan accents;

“Are you Fjerdan?”

You nod with all your soul. You’re ready to cling onto them both for dear life.

“What happened to you?”

Your voice fails you - you can’t explain it - you haven’t even comprehended it all. You were curled up in front of the fireplace just the night before...

“Do you have anywhere to go?”

You shake your head with despair, trying to blink back the tears.

“Come with us. We know someone who’ll help you.”

You don’t mull it over very long. Maybe it’s your sheltered uprbinging that has made you naive; maybe it’s the curiously comforting warmth you see in the Ravkan girl’s eyes; but you simply have no better option, and you can’t understand a word of Kerch, or wherever it is that this barbarian folk speak.

Although your two saviors start arguing, probably about whether or not they can reasonably take you in, your tear-stained cheeks and desperate vulnerability are enough to convince them - so you follow them.

Into the lair of the Dregs, of whom you’ve never heard - and of Kaz Brekker, who you know very well.

After all, he’s the infamous gangster who invaded your homeland, broke into the Ice Court, and stole the Shu boy - or so you saw your father read in the papers. To know that you are under the same roof as that lowlife would be enough to give your father a heart attack...

You’re half convinced that he’ll throw you back to the streets, but Nina and, surprisingly, Jesper as well, plead in your favor with a greatly convincing fervor. You learn that it’s probably because Kaz has much greater worries on his mind - the criminal group is planning on retrieving one of their own from the clutches of a treacherous business partner, or so you’ve gathered.

Either way, you’re more than happy that the terrifying and redoubtable Kaz Brekker is leaving you alone, and that you can enjoy Jesper’s company.

You two become unexpectedly good friends overtime. He comes to visit you at the Crow Club, where you’re staying, almost every day. Yet communication is not your strong suit, especially in a language you don’t understand at all, and you don’t fancy yourself a particularly enthralling girl to be around.

Not when one has lived the life of a criminal, a sharpshooter, a wanderer, a playboy... well, all those things that Jesper prises himself on being, and all those words he’s taught you in Kerch.

(That and the curse words, of course, that you’re a bit intimidated to use at first, until they slip out of your mouth one evening when you drop your plate at dinner with the Dregs, and the entire canteen falls dead silent.)

“Did she just say ‘fuck’?”

“I think she just said fuck.”

“See, Matthias, she wasn’t immediately struck by lighting by Djel’s hand. You won’t die if you say it.”

Speaking of Matthias, he’s also a good friend of yours - it’s comforting and refreshing to have a familiar face around, one of Fjerdan roots and mores.

Although the rest of the group says you’re not that Fjerdan.

“You’re one of the feisty ones, at least.”

“I’m not ‘feisty’. Shut up, Jesper.”

“Ah, I see you’ve been working on the vocabulary I taught you!”

Matthias and you both have a lot of soul-searching and unlearning to do about the outside world - you were raised in particularly bigoted environments, you somewhat less than him. The hatred for the Grisha he’s been taught by the Drüskelle is fear in your case; you’ve been brought up on bedtime stories of bloodthirsty Grisha who devour unruly kids, and war and devastation caused by their unstability and blasphemous magic.

It’s even more of a shock to you when you learn Jesper is a Grisha.

Unbeknownst to you, you’ve started to fall a little for him - how could you not? He’s funny, charming, sarcastic and witty; always has the best stories to tell, and despite it all, sincerely cares for you amidst the chaos of their heist and revenge plans.

But to learn he was the kind of monster - no, the kind of creature - no, the kind of person, you force yourself to correct mentally - that you had been taught to fear for your entire life...

“I’m so sorry. You should never have been there.”

He’s pacing back and forth in your room after a shootout has gone awry and you were caught in the crossifre; it’s the first time he’s ever had to use his Durast powers to get you of the mess - and normally he wouldn’t have, because it’s a secret he wishes he could carry to the grave, but the fear of losing you was too strong...

“Thank god that I was there, though. What would you do without me?”

He’s fidgety and restless, nervously playing with his pistols, and his nervous laugh is all but genuine; and you’re huddled up on your bed, staring him down with wide eyes.

“Jesper, you...”

“Yeah, maybe not the best moment.”

“Jesper...”

“It’s like they have a knack for knowing exactly where we’re gonna be and when...”

“Jesper!”

He abruptly turns to look at you, and his eyes widen. He’s starting to understand, almost, but refuses to believe it. Your voice is a murmur, and you can hardly hold his gaze.

“Jesper, are you... going to hurt me?”

His words die in his throat. He remembers where you’re from... the garbage that they must have filled your ears and head with from the day you were born... how feverish Matthias was with Nina... he looks at his hands, and his Materialki magic rumbles like a dark curse.

“Y/N, you’re scared of me?”

The sheer hurt in his voice breaks your heart. Even though you’re trembling, you let him step closer to you, slowly. It’s Jesper in front of you, not some ungodly monster from legends... Jesper, your Jesper...

“I’m... I’m sorry...”

He cups your face in his hands, warm and just a bit moist, and stares into your eyes with a vulnerability you have never seen in him.

“I’d never do anything to hurt you, Y/N, I swear on my life. All I want is you to be safe...”

Safe from me, if that’s what you wish, he thinks for a split second, but you don’t give him time to doubt; you’ve captured his lips in a frenzied kiss, and hold on for dear life onto his lean shoulders.

Fjerda and its blind hatred is very far from you, now. You're locked in Jesper's embrace, and you won't have to hear their lies anymore.

You know you have nothing to fear from him; not now, and not ever.

800 follower sleepover CLOSED!

[friendlyneighborhoodpsyop]

Quotes about Kaz Brekker:

Every act of violence was deliberate, and every favor came with enough strings attached to stage a puppy show.

The boy called Dirtyhands didn’t need a reason any more than he needed permission.

He was a collection of hard lines and tailored edges.

“Who’d deny a poor cripple his cane?” “If the cripple is you, then any man with sense.”

“I’m a business man,” he’d told her. “No more, no less.” “You’re a thief, Kaz.” “Isn’t that what I just said?”

“I’m not here for a taste. You want a war, I’ll make sure you eat your fill.”

The boy he’d been talking to had been cocky, reckless, easily amused, but not frightening—not really. Now the monster was here, dead-eyed and unafraid. Kaz Brekker was gone, and Dirtyhands had come to see the rough work done.

“You’ll get what’s coming to you one day, Brekker.” “I will,” said Kaz, “if there’s any justice in the world. And we all know how likely that is.”

“Well I’m the kind of bastard they only manufacture in the Barrel.”

Inej was always trying to wring little bits of decency from him. “When everyone knows you’re a monster, you needn’t waste time doing every monstrous thing.”

“Greed is your god, Kaz.” He almost laughed at that. “No, Inej. Greed bows to me. It is my servant and my lever.” “And what god do you serve, then?” “Whichever will grant me good fortune.”

“What’s the difference wagering at the Crow Club and speculating on the floor of the Exchange?” “One is theft and the other is commerce.” “When a man loses his money, he may have trouble telling them apart.”

“You’re a blackmailer—“. “I broker information.” “A con artist—“. “I create opportunity.” “A bawd and a murderer—“. “I don’t run whores, and I kill for a cause.”

“You see, every man is a safe, a vault of secrets and longings. Now, there are those that take the brute’s way, but I prefer a gentler approach—the right pressure applied at the right moment, in the right place. It’s a delicate thing.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard the stories.” “Each more grotesque than the last.” Brekker’s hands were stained with blood. Brekker’s hands were covered in scars. Brekker had claws and not fingers because he was part demon. Brekker’s touch burned like brimstone—a single brush of bare skin caused your flesh to whither and die. “Pick one. They’re all true enough.”

Kaz was not a giddy boy smiling and making plans for a future with her. He was a dangerous player who was always working an angle.

“Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, won’t you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?”

Brick by brick. It was a promise that let him sleep at night, the drove him everyday, that kept Jordie’s ghost at bay.

Kaz’s servant, greed, luring them South like a piper with a flute in hand.

“Being angry at Kaz for being ruthless is like being angry at a stove for being hot. You know what he is.”

“I wouldn’t trust you to tie my shoes without stealing the laces.”

Matthias knew monsters, and one glance at Kaz had told him this was a creature who had spent too long in the dark—he’d brought something back with him when he’d crawled into the light.

“The easiest way to steal a man’s wallet is to tell him you’re going to steal his watch. You take his attention and direct it where you want it to go.”

“You can’t spend his money if you’re dead.” “I’ll acquire expensive habits in the afterlife.”

“I don’t want to die.” “I’ll do my best to make other arrangements for you.”

“You came back for me.” “I protect my investments.” Investments. “I’m glad I’m bleeding all over your shirt.”

Matthias suspected that Brekker would drag the girl back from hell himself if he had to.

He’d gifted her her first blade, the one she called Sankt Petyr—not as pretty as wild geraniums, but more practical.

“Kaz told me...he said it was my choice, that he wouldn’t be the one to mark me again.”

Because I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to your for two days.

He needed to know she believed in him.

“What to do you want, then?” The old answers came easily to mind. Money. Vengeance. Jordie’s voice in my head silenced forever. But a different reply roared to life inside him, loud, insistent, and unwelcome. You, Inej. You.

Kaz would always remember that moment, when he’d seen greed take hold of his brother, an invisible hand guiding him forward, the lever at work.

There could be no judgement from a boy known as Dirtyhands.

“Let’s say the mark is a tourist walking through the barrel. He’s heard it’s a good place to get rolled, so he keeps patting his wallet, making sure it’s there, congratulating himself on just how alert and cautious he’s being. No fool he. Of course every time he pats his back pocket or front of his coat, what’s he doing? He’s telling every thief on the Stave exactly where he keeps his scrub.”

It was because she was listening so closely that she knew the exact moment when Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the bastard of the barrel and the deadliest boy in Ketterdam, fainted.

He’d heard there were sharks in these waters but they wouldn’t touch him. He was a monster now, too.

He’d imagined his death a thousand ways, but never sleeping through it.

It was as if once Kaz had seen her, he’d understood how to keep seeing her.

“If it were a trick, I’d promise you safety. I’d offer you happiness. I don’t know if that exists in the barrel, but you’ll find none of it with me.” Better terrible truths than kind lies.

He knew he was being reckless, selfish, but wasn’t that why they called him Dirtyhands? No job too risky. No deed too low. Dirtyhands would see the rough work done.

A good magician wasn’t much different than a proper thief.

She could see it took every last bit of his terrible will to remain still beneath her touch. And yet, he did not pull away. She knew it was the best he could offer. It was not enough.

“Some people see a magic trick and say, ‘Impossible!’ They clap their hands, turn over their money, and forget about it ten minutes later. Other people ask how it worked. They go home, get into bed, toss and turn, wondering how it was done. It takes them a good nights sleep to forget all about it. And then there are the ones who stay awake, running through the trick again and again, looking for the skip in perception, the crack in the illusion that will explain how their eyes got duped; they’re the kind who won’t rest until they’ve mastered that little bit of mystery for themselves. I’m that kind”

“You love trickery.” “I love puzzles. Trickery is just my native tongue.”

“Do you know the secret to gambling, Helvar? Cheat.”

There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not been healed wrong. There was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.

Her eyes were shut, her oil-black lashes fanned over her cheeks. The harbor wind had lifted her dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in the world. She’d laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and gotten drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.

You’ve cheated death too many times. Greed may do your bidding, but death serves no man.

He needed to tell her...what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn’t pull himself together into some semblance of a man for her.

“Saints, Kaz, you actually look happy.” “Don’t be ridiculous,” he snapped. But there was no mistaking it. Kaz Brekker was grinning like an idiot.

“I can hear the change in Kaz’s breathing whenever he looks at you.” “You...you can?” “It catches every time, like he’s never seen you before.”

“How will you have me? Fully clothed, gloves on, your head turned away so our lips can never touch? I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.”

“I’m not big on bluffing, am I, Inej?” “Not as a rule.” “And why is that?” “Because he’d rather cheat.”

Inej wanted Kaz to become someone else, a better person, a gentler thief. But that boy had no place here. That boy ended up starving in an alley. He ended up dead. That boy couldn’t get her back. I’m going to get my money, and I’m going to get my girl.

“A proper thief is like a proper poison. He leaves no trace.”

There were no good men in Ketterdam, Kaz said. The climate didn’t agree with them.

“If you don’t care about money, Nina dear, call it by it’s other names.” “Kruge? Scrub? Kaz’s one true love?” “Freedom, security, retribution.”

“It’s pragmatic. If I were cruel, I’d give him a eulogy instead of a conversation.”

“You haven’t been alive long enough to rack up your share of sin.” “I’m a quick study.”

Patience, he reminded himself. He’d practiced it early and often. Patience would bring all his enemies to their knees in time.

“You’ve got the devil’s own blood in you, boy.”

Kaz was going to have to find a new language of suffering to teach that smug merch son of a bitch.

“I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together—knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.”

“My mother is Ketterdam. She birthed me in the harbor. My father is profit. I honor him daily.”

Desperate for some sign that he might open himself to her, that they could be more than two creatures united by their distrust of the world.

They could continue on with their armor intact. She would have her ship and he would have his city.

Sure, a lock was like a woman. It was also like a man and anyone or anything else—if you wanted to understand it, you had to take it apart and see how it worked. If you wanted to master it, you had to learn it so well you could put it back together.

He always liked returning to a home or business he’d had cause to visit before. It wasn’t just the familiarity. It was as if by returning, he laid claim to a place. We know each other’s secrets, the house seemed to say. Welcome back.

“When people see a cripple walking down the street, leaning on his cane, what do they feel? They feel pity. Now, what do they think when they see me coming?” “They think they’d better cross the street.”

“We can endure a lot of pain. It’s shame that eats men whole.”

“I don’t hold a grudge. I cradle it. I coddle it. I feed it fine cuts of meat and send it to the best schools. I nurture my grudges, Rollins.”

It was as if Kaz had a secret map of Ketterdam that showed the city’s forgotten spaces.

“I’ve taken knives, bullets, and too many punches to count, all for a little piece of this town. This is the city I bled for. And if Ketterdam has taught me anything, it’s that you can always bleed a little more.”

Was Johannus Rietveld meant to be his Jakob Hertzoon? Or had it been some way of resurrecting the family he’d lost? Did it even matter?

“I wreak all the havoc I can until my luck runs out, use our haul to build an empire.” “And after that?” “Who knows? Maybe I’ll burn it to the ground.”

Tell her to get out, a voice inside him demanded. Beg her to stay.

Kaz thought he knew the language of pain intimately, but this ache was new. It hurt to stand here like this, so close to the circle of her arms.

“These things don’t wash away with prayer, Wraith. There is no peace waiting for me, no forgiveness, not in this life, not in the next.”

Two of the deadliest people the barrel had to offer and they could barely touch each other without both keeling over.

A black glass boy of deadly edges.

A bit of entertainment, the dramatic end of Kaz Brekker, the humbling of Dirtyhands. But this was no cheap comedy. It was a bloody rite, and Per Haskell had let the congregation gather, never realizing the real performance had yet to begin. Kaz stood upon his pulpit, wounded, bruised, and ready to preach.

“You have two minutes to get out of my house, old man. This city’s price is blood, and I’m happy to pay with yours.”

“What is wrong with him,” Nina grumbled. “Same thing that’s always wrong with him. He’s Kaz Brekker.”

“Rich men want to believe they deserve every penny they’ve got, so they forget what they owe to chance. Smart men are always looking for loopholes. They want an opportunity to game the system. The toughest mark is an honest man. Thankfully, they’re always in short supply.”

“Well, Brekker, it’s obvious you only deal in half truths and outright lies, so you’re clearly the man for the job.”

“What do you think my forgiveness looks like, Jordie?” “Who’s Jordie?” “Someone I trusted. Someone I didn’t want to lose.”

He put his gloves back on and didn’t take them off. He became twice as ruthless, fought twice as hard. He stopped worrying about seeming normal, let people see a glimmer of the madness within him and let them guess at the rest.

The rage inside him burned on and he learned to despise people who complained, who begged, who claimed they’d suffered. Let me teach you what pain looks like, he would say, and then he’d paint a picture with his fists.

That was what destroyed you in the end: the longing for something you could never have.

“I will kill you, Brekker. I will kill everything you love.” “The trick is not to love anything.”

“Suffering is like anything else. Live with it long enough, you learn to like the taste.”

She smiled then, her eyes red, her cheeks scattered with some kind of dust. It’s a smile he thought he might die to earn again.

“He doesn’t say goodbye. He just lets go.”

“Ketterdam is made of monsters. I just happen to have the longest teeth.”

[retvenkos]

not asking you who you'd ship me with in the grishaverse because at this point everyone on tumblr knows the answer to that probably (though any chance of getting more of your wonderfully divine headcanons about matthias & I is a chance I gleefully take), but since you are shipping everyone I have to tell you that I've been thinking about Mal & you together for a little while. I just see it so clearly??

I think you'd have a relationship quite like Alina and Mal's, except healthier and less dramatic lol. but Mal is the epitome of friends to lovers and to me you embody exactly that. you're not the unbridled fury that enemies to lovers can be nor the bittersweet inevitability of soulmates, but really this idea of familiarity and comfort that you only unlock after spending a lot of time with a person, probably in childhood. Mal would represent exactly that to you: home, family, and love, and you're not really sure how or when you realize that it's not the same love you used to feel at Keramzin, that your feelings have shifted in the most terrifying yet beautiful way, but they have.

so in this scenario if you are Grisha, you get tested and your powers found out and you get sent to the Little Palace and your goodbyes with Mal are probably the most tearful moment Ravka has ever seen. You're holding on to Mal for dear life because he's really your family and you don't want to leave him behind, they're taking you to an unknown place without him, and you're so scared - but Mal tries to hold it all together because he has to be strong for you, and promises he will write to you every day and you will never truly be separated because he'll find you when he's older and strong.

(as soon as the carriage leaves he locks himself in the dormitory and cries all evening on his bed because your absence is so loud in these silent halls)

Inevitably years pass as you continue your training and Mal's letters become more scarce - sometimes you're the one who forgets to reply for a whole month, sometimes it's him - until you're not in touch anymore but you don't forget him, you never do, and you dream of him so often and all the words you wish you could tell him but never got the courage to

Until one day, almost a decade later, he is received at the Grand Palace for a particularly triumphant feat of his (Mal, always the hero) and the King wants to meet the First army soldier everyone is talking about, and you happen to run into him as he's trying to find his way to the audience room (because how stupidly huge are these Os Alta palaces, really?) And you literally can't believe your eyes.

so you'd be getting the childhood friends to lovers reunited after losing contact for many years which is TOP TIER romance

and Mal has changed obviously but not so much, and so have you; and he's taken aback by your beauty in your purple Kefta, and suddenly all the petty and insulting stereotypes about the Second Army he used to joke about with his regiment friends leave his mind because Saints - who needs a Sun Summoner when you're glowing like all the stars in the sky?

you'd quickly fall back into your common habits because they never left you, they're second nature at this point - Mal has basically forged your personality from the youngest age and you have his, and you fit together so perfectly

he'd be assigned to a more permanent post in Os Alta thanks to his prowesses in battle, maybe as the King's personal guard, meaning you'd get to spend so much time together

People would raise eyebrows at the sight of a couple between the two rival armies, but you don't care one bit - your love for Mal runs in your blood much deeper than arbitrary oppositions based on foolish pride.

If you're not Grisha, I don't think you'd join the First Army; war is probably not for you. I think your paths would separate too when he joins the Army and you leave the orphanage with what little money you saved over the years (sneaking out of Keramzin and reciting or singing your poems on the streets for a little bit of coin, or selling the meat and fur Mal would hunt for you) to move to a bigger city and try to do something with your life. You could be an artisan, or another kind of shopkeep! I can see you being manually gifted and creative, so you'd probably have an artsy business in the capital, like pottery or tapestry or painting on porcelain or something of the sort

and once again Mal is called to Os Alta probably for the same reasons - he just can't help distinguishing himself in combat, can he? - and he steps into your shop by total chance, and he's like. Olive???? Since when do you do sculptures???? And you're like. Malyen Oretsev???? Since when are you taller than me????

(Though the sculpture part doesn't surprise him that much, because you were always so creative and gifted in the arts, and he's always admired you so much for it.)

(But the TALL part??? ok, you are short, but you left him when he was like, thirteen and he was Not That Tall. how can your forever friend have grown that tall so fast???)

And so you ALSO get the long-lost childhood friends rekindle and fall back in love trope because my heart goes mushy for it ❤

your dynamic would be on point, because Mal knows you better than anyone and so he can read you like an open book. Either when he needs to find the teasing comment that will get you all riled up, or when he senses your discomfort or sadness and has to find the words to cheer you up.

You'd just make so many sweet memories with Mal, and he'd be down for every single thing you want to do as long as he gets to spend time with you. Want to be rambunctious on the streets of Os Alta and pull pranks on passerbys like you are 8 again? Yep, can totally do that. Feel like breathing in the fresh air of the wilderness and getting out of town to see a beautiful sunset, like you would in Keramzin? Of course! Just want to chill together doing your own thing and relishing in each other's presence? Absolutely.

he loves when you read to him, whether that be a book you own or a story straight from your imagination that you just wrote, and he's absolutely mesmerized by your voice and how much emotion you put in it. (though he can't help himself from making little jokes every now and then or trying to guess what will happen next in the story because he's what my mom calls a Culo Inquieto™)

you'd generally be such a cute couple who never lost that mischievous but oh so comforting and familiar spark from when you were kids, and is willing to stay with the other through thick and thin. you've found your other half in each other and I'm so soft for that. 💜💜

sorry I rambled but I just think that idea is so cute and you deserve a ship! (also, don't even get me started on the Chaos BFF Duo you would make with Jesper...) my head is killing me so I won't write any more but just know I hold this ship in extremely high regard. <3

clara, i will have you know i waited until i got ice cream in order to read this, because i knew it would be an experience™ and now, i,,, 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i'm so goddamn soft, how dare you make me yearn????

you mean to tell me you came up with all of this... for me? you think of ships for me??? how—how dare? how dare you be such a good friend, to the point where i am baffled by your kindness??? how dare you be this thoughtful and poetic,,,,,,, and just, big brained, ma'am.

because all of this is so perfect!!!! ohmygod i'm soft. i'm in love. everytime you write a ship or fanfic, i sincerely wish i was a romantic like you so i could have a proclivity toward fathoming such soft romantic scenes,,,,, you, clara, know how to do a ship™.

(also, i have to say i love the childhood friends torn apart, only to come back together,,,, it has laughter lines by bastille energy,,,, listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t have the same vibes that that very specific and heartwarming trope,,,)

but, since you gave me such a beautiful gift, and since i would do anything for you, here are some more headcanons for you and matthias:

first of all, i think that you and matthias would spend a lot of time finding the beauty in small things. i think that it would be good for him, since he’s reevaluating who he is and his place in this grand world, and i think since you’re a romantic, small things would be important to you both.

— for example, you guys definitely star gaze together. it’s hard, since you are in ketterdam and the smoke is impossible to see through, but maybe you guys leave ketterdam for a while, and you spend a lot of time looking up at the stars. matthias loves to learn about everything you know, and repositioning himself underneath the sky is a good start to figuring out who he is. 

— you also like to sit by the water and talk. there’s something about the water that pulls memories from you both. matthias talks about what it was like, far away, in his little village before the drüskelle. (i get the feeling his dad was a fisherman or something,,,, the vibes are there), and you get to talk about people you once knew, dreams you once had. point is, you do a lot of talking - swapping stories and hopes.

— oh! another idea i can’t get out if my head is that matthias asks you so many questions. i feel like it’s a sign of real love and trust, when matthias starts asking you questions, because you have to be like,,, level 50 in order for matthias to admit weaknesses, and one of his biggest is that there’s so much he just doesn’t know. i think you also get really good at just,,,, telling him stuff so that he doesn’t have to ask, and he really just appreciates it.

i also just love the idea of matthias giving you to strongest hugs, or tbh, just holding you, and it’s all because he’s the big, strong one™! you know he’s got a protector complex, so that kind of feeds into his hugs,,, just that intense need to protect you, but also, he’s deathly terrified of losing another person he cares about, so he clings. (but only when you’re alone. the drüskelle in him is too Proud, but if you hang onto him in public,,,, he’s not complaining, just getting used to it)

okay, but i got a little bit ahead of myself, because i didn’t even talk about when you guys first meet, and the whole dynamic that is that™

— so, clearly, you are bffs with nina, whether your a grisha or not, and since i want fluff oNLY we’re just going to pretend like helnik didn’t happen,,,,,, they’re just friends. anyway, she’s the first one to pick up on your feelings for matthias because a) heartrender, and b) you two are the best of friends, and she just knows.

— and so you know a lot of teasing ensues, and almost everyone gets in on it and constantly makes jokes about you and matthias,,,, sometimes while he’s right. there. you’re Mortified But Coping™ and you can’t imagine what is going on through matthias’ head, because there’s no way he can feel the same, right?

— wRONG, we’re all idiots when we’re in love, and no one is more of an idiot than matthias. he is definitely ~soft~ for you but refuses to let it show because (1) the dregs are crass and he doesn’t want to give them fodder, and (2) you seem very uncomfortable about this whole thing, and he doesn’t want to make it worse

after some time, the teasing dies down, because both of you are too boring to tease. it would be funny if one of you freaked out, but you’re just,,,, suffering in silence. boring. and besides, inej and kaz are way more funny to tease. have you seen the murder in both of their eyes whenever you mention anything??? scary, but golden.

for the most part, the jokes die off, and i think after the jokes stop, you and matthias become much more comfortable with one another, and it leads to so! many! good! moments! 

— did i ever tell you matthias is in love with your stupid humor? your enchanting laughter? you’re so infectiously light and it makes him feel like he’s walking on clouds or something,,,,, he’s enchanted by you, but doesn’t have the words to explain it. 

— you know he remembers all of the little things his dad used to say about his mom,,,, and he feels all of that awed respect and soft warmth for you, but what to do with it???? he can’t really remember what his parents would do - it’s been so long and cold without them, but he tries to remember, and it’s the little things he does. he’ll tell you something really sweet in fjerdan and you’re just like ??? but it doesn’t translate super well, so you’re just left with the way he said it, and it means the world (plus, if you really get the courage, you can ask nina to explain it,,,, fair warning though, she scoffs at it every time. because it’s fjerda, alright?)

— you definitely end up reading him some poetry. it’s all under the guise of him ‘learning about the beauty in other cultures’ but really, it’s just an excuse to read him romantic shu poetry (they really know how to do it, let me tell you). and you also end up telling him stories about your childhood and your life, and he finds your rambling so adorable. especially since he has seen your work on paper! he finds it so sweet that your mind is so full of life that it wants to go everywhere at once, and experience every possible detail.

— you definitely end up showing matthias his way around ketterdam, and he keeps all of your hastily drawn maps, and whenever he goes past a street corner, he remembers the way your eyes sparkled in the light of the streetlamps.

i definitely have the feeling that you confess your feelings first. matthias has been trying to get the courage to do it, but he just can’t, and one day you tell him late at night - when, for just a moment, the world is still and quiet, and you can’t hold in all that warmth in your chest. you’re a little shy about it, but so is he, and when he hears you confess, all he can do is smile, because you have all of the confidence and strength he wishes he had. and all that courage laced in his chest, he’s learned it from you.

that’s ll i got for now, but i believe in clara x matthais supremacy.

[mercystine]

(((: hello

“What did she say?” asked Matthias. Nina coughed and took his arm, leading him away. “She said you’re a very nice fellow, and a credit to the Fjerdan race. Ooh, look, blini! I haven’t had proper blini in forever.” “That word she used: babink,” he said. “You’ve called me that before. What does it mean?” Nina directed her attention to a stack of paper-thin buttered pancakes. “It means sweetie pie.” “Nina—” “Barbarian.” “I was just asking, there’s no need to name-call.” “No, babink means barbarian.” Matthias’ gaze snapped back to the old woman, his glower returning to full force. Nina grabbed his arm. It was like trying to hold on to a boulder. “She wasn’t insulting you! I swear!” “Barbarian isn’t an insult?” he asked, voice rising. “No. Well, yes. But not in this context. She wanted to know if you’d like to play Princess and Barbarian.” “It’s a game?” “Not exactly.” “Then what is it?” Nina couldn’t believe she was actually going to attempt to explain this. As they continued up the street, she said, “In Ravka, there’s a popular series of stories about, um, a brave Fjerdan warrior—” “Really?” Matthias asked. “He’s the hero?” “In a manner of speaking. He kidnaps a Ravkan princess—” “That would never happen.” “In the story it does, and”—she cleared her throat—“they spend a long time getting to know each other. In his cave.” “He lives in a cave?” “It’s a very nice cave. Furs. Jeweled cups. Mead.” “Ah,” he said approvingly. “A treasure hoard like Ansgar the Mighty. They become allies, then?” Nina picked up a pair of embroidered gloves from another stand. “Do you like these? Maybe we could get Kaz to wear something with flowers. Liven up his look.” “How does the story end? Do they fight battles?” Nina tossed the gloves back on the pile in defeat. “They get to know each other intimately.” Matthias’ jaw dropped. “In the cave?” “You see, he’s very brooding, very manly,” Nina hurried on. “But he falls in love with the Ravkan princess and that allows her to civilize him—” “To civilize him?” “Yes, but that’s not until the third book.” “There are three?” “Matthias, do you need to sit down?” “This culture is disgusting. The idea that a Ravkan could civilize a Fjerdan—” “Calm down, Matthias.” “Perhaps I’ll write a story about insatiable Ravkans who like to get drunk and take their clothes off and make unseemly advances toward hapless Fjerdans.” “Now that sounds like a party.” Matthias shook his head, but she could see a smile tugging at his lips. She decided to push the advantage. “We could play,” she murmured, quietly enough so that no one around them could hear. “We most certainly could not.” “At one point he bathes her.” Matthias’ steps faltered. “Why would he—” “She’s tied up, so he has to.” “Be silent.” “Already giving orders. That’s very barbarian of you. Or we could mix it up. I’ll be the barbarian and you can be the princess. But you’ll have to do a lot more sighing and trembling and biting your lip.” “How about I bite your lip?” “Now you’re getting the hang of it, Helvar.”

Im so confused rn but I love this?? I love the helnik content so much 😭 thank you for sending this luv

[triptuckers]

Two Homes (part 6/7) - Nikolai Lantsov

Request: no Pairing:  Nikolai Lantsov x reader Summary:  you’re finally back in ketterdam Warnings: language Word count:  3.8K A/N: I literally love the crows so much they’re my comfort idiots <3  PREVIOUS PART | NEXT PART TAG LIST (two homes and/or all grishaverse fics): @godsofwriting @im-constantly-fangirling  @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15 @dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha @story-scribbler @romanoffstarkovs @daliareads @meiitanoia @itsnotquimey @sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone @aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 @marlenaisnthappy (if your name is in bold it means I couldn't tag you) add yourself to my tag lists here 

The cold wind on your face feels welcoming. You can smell the salt and there’s water all around you. You’d made the journey across the True Sea before, but it felt like a lifetime go.

Maybe because it was a lifetime ago.

You look down at the golden ring on your finger. It feels heavier than it used to. As if you’re suddenly aware of its presence.

When you first sailed across the sea, you were Y/F/N Y/L/N. A merchant’s daughter who had joined a gang in secret. You had learned how to fight, to steal, and a number of other illegal but useful things. You had earned your place among the Crows, joining them on jobs and secretly stealing small bits of your father’s fortune job by job.

And now you’re on a ship again, as Y/F/N Lantsov. A queen, of all things. Of a country you barely know. Married to a king you met less than a year ago. 

Of course, you hadn’t given the captain of the ship you’re on your real name. You’d used a name Kaz had given you once as an alias for a job. Luckily, the captain didn’t ask much questions.

You look out at the sea again. Would the Crows treat you differently now? You wanted to believe you hadn’t changed. But everything had changed. Your entire life. Still, you loved the Crows like they’re your family, and they loved you back. But you couldn’t help but wonder if they would love Y/F/N Lantsov as they loved Y/F/N Y/L/N.

You’re lost in thought, unaware of the people walking around the ship behind you. It isn’t until you hear a loud voice, you look up. 

Someone is standing at the front of the ship, pointing ahead. He shouted something in a language you didn’t know. When everyone moved to see what he was pointing at, you followed them as well.

After making your way to the front, you see what he was pointing at. In the distance, barely visible on the horizon, you can see land. A city. Your beloved Ketterdam. 

You’re home.

You feel like it takes forever to dock and be able to get off the ship. After pulling your hood over your face to hide your identity, you finally set foot in the city again.

Nothing’s changed. You see people moving swiftly between the people who just got off the ship. As a member of the Dregs, you know they’re pickpocketing. How many hours had you spent on the docks yourself, under Kaz’ watchful eye as he taught you. 

And now, you realise you’re among their targets. You grin as you start to manoeuvre through the crowd. You know the weak and strong points, and where it was most likely to find a gang member. 

Because this part of the docks belonged to the Dregs, you make sure to give them all the signs you have money on you. You keep patting your pocket. To them, it would look like you were merely checking if your money was still there. But you know for a fact your money isn’t in that pocket, and you’re simply luring them to you.

You know how to pick pockets, so you know how it feels. You walk through the crowd, fixated on your coat pocket. When you feel something brush against it, you grab the wrist of the person who walked past you, pulling them back.

The person lets out an annoyed sound and tries to pull their wrist out of your hand, but you hold a firm grip. 

‘You’re still bad a this.’ you say. ‘You should let Jesper do it instead.’

You smile and let go of the wrist. When you look up, you meet Nina’s widened eyes. Your hood is still covering most part of your face, but you know she recognised your voice in an instant.

She opens her mouth to say your name, but you stop her.

‘Not here.’ you say, grabbing her hand and leading her away from the crowd. You’re impressed by her patience. But once you’re away from the crowd and in a deserted alley, she fires questions at you.

‘Y/N, it’s so good to see you!’ says Nina. ‘How are you? How is Ravka? Why did you come back to Ketterdam? Oh, tell me you pissed Zoya off in some way, I would have loved to see the look on her face.’

You chuckle at her rapid questions and hold up your hands. ‘Slow down, Nina, remember to breathe in between questions.’ you say, smiling at her.

‘I’m just so glad to see you.’ says Nina. 

She reaches out to you and pulls you in a tight hug. You hug her back and inhale the scent of her signature perfume. When Nina pulls back she looks at your face and smiles.

‘Bags under your eyes, but still as gorgeous as ever.’ says Nina, winking at you. 

‘Not as gorgeous as you, though.’ you say and Nina laughs.

‘You worked on your flirty comebacks!’ she says.

You smile briefly. ‘That’s what you get when you spend so much time with Nikolai.’ you say.

‘Of course!’ says Nina. ‘How is he? Why isn’t he here?’

‘I chose to come alone.’ you say. ‘I got homesick.’ 

‘Well, I’m glad you’re here, we have a lot to catch up on. Matthias finally took the next step.’ says Nina, smirking.

Your eyes widen. ‘He did what?’ you say. Before you left, you were Nina’s favorite person to talk to about Matthias. Whenever he said or did something, you were the first one to know. Nina told you she was hinting for Matthias to kiss her, but he remained oblivious as ever. Looks like he finally managed to figure out all of her hints.

‘Later!’ says Nina. ‘Let’s get you to the Crow Club first, I don’t want them thinking I’m keeping you all to yourself.’

Nina links her arm through yours and together, you start walking toward the club. You look at the familiar streets and shops, constantly smiling. You were finally back in Ketterdam. You’d missed it so much, it felt good to be back.

While it’s in the middle of the day, the Crow Club is busy. It always is. As you walk to your usual table with Nina, you spot three familiar faces. Inej is the first to see you. 

When she does, she leaps to her feet and runs over to hug you. Her hair tickles your cheek as she hugs you. Like Nina, she immediately starts interrogating you about your time in Ravka. 

After promising her you’d tell her everything, you walk the last bit to the table, where Wylan and Matthias are sitting. 

Wylan smiles brightly at you and stands up to hug you as well. He’s happy to see you as well but unlike Nina and Inej, he doesn’t ask all about Ravka. Instead, he asks you how you’re doing and how your journey was. 

You smile at him and tell him you’re fine, that the journey went well. Sometimes you still wondered why the always energetic Jesper had been able to find his match in Wylan, someone who you’d always considered so calm and quiet.

Matthias holds out his hand for you to shake, before Nina pulls him to his feet and basically pushes him into your arms. You laugh at his bewildered face as you hug Matthias as well.

Meanwhile, Inej had ordered a round of everyone’s favorite drink, and you all sit down. As expected, they all start to ask you all sorts of questions. About Ravka, the palace, the wedding, what it’s like being queen, and of course, Nikolai.

You tell them you refuse to answer their questions until Jesper and Kaz are here, so you can tell them all at once. Wylan had told you they were away on a job. To kill the time, you asked them what had happened in Ketterdam while you were away. 

Apparently, a lot.

‘I got shot.’ says Inej. 

‘Twice.’ says Wylan, taking a sip of his drink and turning back to you. ‘And Jesper almost dropped me off a building.’

‘Come again?’ you say.

‘We were on a roof during a job, Jesper wasn’t paying attention and nearly knocked me off of it.’ says Wylan, not a single hint of fear in his voice. He had changed so much since you first met him. Maybe that’s what Ketterdam does to you, it hardens you, forces you to grow up. 

‘I got in a fight with the Stadwatch.’ says Matthias.

‘And I had to bail you out of a holding cell.’ says Nina.

‘Only because someone knocked me out from behind. It wasn’t a fair fight.’ says Matthias.

Nina turns to you. ‘Heleen wanted for Inej and me to come back to the Menagerie.’ she says.

‘You’re kidding, right?’ you say. ‘You’re telling me she had the fucking guts to ask you that?’

‘Well, it was more like sending one of her new guys to deliver the message. Kaz sent him back with five fingers instead of ten, and without a tongue. I think she got her answer.’ says Nina.

‘Sounds like something Kaz would do.’ you say. ‘What else did I miss?’

‘Jesper almost let Wylan shoot with his guns.’ says Inej.

You raise your eyebrows at Wylan. ‘Jesper allowed you to touch his precious revolvers?’ you say.

‘Almost.’ says Wylan, correcting you. ‘He changed his mind right before handing me one.’

You’re enjoying their company. You laugh and catch up on what’s happening in Ketterdam, buying rounds for the table. Every now and then they ask you something about Ravka, but you still refuse to tell them anything until all of the Crows are present. 

Several drinks and card games later, the club slowly begins to empty. Just as Wylan beats you in a game of card, his eye catches someone behind you and he waves at them.

Before you can turn around, you feel a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders, and a chin on top of your head.

‘There’s only one person who always sits in this spot.’ 

You smile and turn around. Towering over you, and with a huge grin on his face, Jesper is standing behind you. Your expression mirrors his as you stand up. Jesper wraps you in a bone-crushing hug. You close your eyes, grateful for his embrace.

When you let go of him, you smile up at him, then your eyes catch the person who had been standing behind Jesper.

‘Hi Kaz.’ you say.

Kaz nods at you and you’re convinced you can spot the smallest smile on his lips. Barely visible, but still there. 

Wylan pulls two more chairs from the empty table next to yours, and Jesper and Kaz sit down. 

‘So.’ says Jesper as Wylan hands him his drink. ‘What did we miss? How much have you all heard about a certain king?’

‘Nothing.’ says Nina. ‘Y/N didn’t tell us anything. She wanted to wait until you two got here a well.’

Jesper turns to you and winks. ‘Here I am. I’m all ears, darling.’ he says.

You take a breath and finish your drink. ‘Alright.’ you say. ‘What do you want to know?’

Everything, it seemed. They asked you about life at the palace, about your daily routines, if there really was a buffet every day, and if it was as big as the stories described. And they wanted to know all about Nikolai. What he’s like, if he’s a good king, what it was like to be married to him.

You told them life at the palace couldn’t be more different from the life in Ketterdam. You told them about the gardens, the meetings which were boring almost all of the time, the triumvirate. You told them Nikolai is very sweet, handsome, and a great king. 

The rest of the night is spent talking, laughing, playing games and ordering more drinks. You’re exhausted but grateful to be back as you lay down in your old bed. Just before you fall asleep, you realise just how happy you are to be back.

It’s easy to fall back into your old routines when you walk down the stairs to the kitchen. Wylan and Inej are already there, along with a plate of steaming hot pancakes.  

You’re grateful to be back, and eager to accompany them on jobs again. Still hiding your face and true identity. Last time you were in Ketterdam, you worried about your father finding out you were a member of the Dregs. Now you had to hide the fact the queen of Ravka is running along with gang members. Needless to say, you were slightly more nervous about someone recognising you.

But when you joined Jesper, Wylan and Nina on a job later that day, their presence was enough to soothe your nervousness. 

Everything felt right. Though you had been away for almost a year, it was like you never left. The way you knew what to do without them having to tell you was comfortable. Everything was all right. You couldn’t believe you were finally back in Ketterdam.

You had missed life in Ketterdam and your crows very much. And you were thankful to see they didn’t treat you any differently. On your first night back, your life in Ravka had been the number one topic, but now you felt like Y/F/N Y/L/N again.

You joined them on jobs, played card games, chatted with Nina and Inej over drinks. It felt good to be home.

But a little over a week after you arrived in Ketterdam, you start to feel down. You didn’t know why. You’re finally back home, just like you wanted. You should be happy, grateful, not miserable.

You’re sitting at a table by yourself, silently drinking your favorite drink, when suddenly Kaz joins you.

It was unusual for Kaz to join anyone for drinks. Mostly he was upstairs in his office, doing whatever the hell he did up there. Looking for new jobs maybe, or making sure the younger Dregs didn’t do anything stupid.

When he would join you and the others for drinks, it was mostly because you all had begged him to come along. Kaz wasn’t one to join someone for a drink out of nowhere.

Nevertheless, you were happy he decided to join you.

‘How are you liking Ketterdam?’ he asks.

‘It’s good to be home.’ you say, smiling at him. 

You watch as Kaz studies your face. You know there’s something on his mind, and you’re waiting for him to speak up as you nurse your drink. 

‘Something has made you upset.’ says Kaz.

It wasn’t a question, more like a statement. You look at him in silence for a while. You tried lying to Kaz once, and he could tell immediately. You figured it was some sort of hidden talent of his. No one could lie to him and get away with it.

You look at your hands, to avoid his eyes.

‘Why didn’t you come to my wedding?’ you say.

‘We didn’t want to risk it.’ says Kaz. ‘Traveling abroad would have ended in our capture. Besides, I thought you didn’t want to marry king Nikolai.’

‘I didn’t.’ you say. ‘Not at first. But once I got to know him, well, it all changed. He’s actually a really great guy.’

You finally look up at Kaz. You finish your drink and signal to the bartender for another one. Again, Kaz is studying your face. You wish he’d look away, you always felt like he could see right through you.

‘There’s something else.’ he says.

You frown. ‘No.’ you say, truthfully. There was nothing else to mention. 

‘Come on, spit it out.’ he says.

‘There’s nothing to spit out?’ you say, confused.

‘You’re not yourself. Not like I remember, at least. You said you’d be happier once you got back to Ketterdam. Well, you’re here now. You were happy last week, when you arrived. I have yet to see you genuinely smile, aside from the night you got back.’ says Kaz. 

Why did he always have to be right? It was starting to get annoying. Kaz would tell you the truth, even if you didn’t want to hear it.

‘I thought I’d be happy to be home.’ you admit softly, avoiding his eyes again. ‘I’m not. And I don’t know why. I’m finally home, like I wanted, but it doesn’t feel like it.’

‘Y/N, look at me.’ says Kaz. 

You keep looking at the table. The bartender sets down your new drink in front of you and you briefly look up at them to thank them. Still, you don’t look at Kaz. As you reach to grab your drink, Kaz’ cane lands on the table hard. Shocked and a bit offended, you look up at him.

‘Listen to me.’ says Kaz. ‘You can have two homes, Y/N. You came back to Ketterdam because you miss us. But you haven’t taken your ring off. Despite leaving the palace, yous till use Lantsov as your last name, aside from when you had to travel across the True Sea. Go back to the palace. Tell that king of yours that you love him. And come visit us during the summer.’

You look at Kaz, letting his words sink in. Two homes. Os Alta and Ketterdam. It could work. You’d spend your days with Nikolai, and spend the summer in Ketterdam. 

Suddenly, you think back to your goodbye with Nikolai before you had left for Ketterdam. It wasn’t a proper goodbye, because you couldn’t wait to go to Ketterdam. He deserved more. 

Maybe Kaz is right. Maybe you could have two homes. 

Kaz had been looking at you as you went over it all in your head.

‘Two homes.’ you mutter softly. 

You quickly finish your drink and get up. ‘I have to go.’ you say. 

Despite it being late at night, you head up the stairs of the Slat and to knock on everyone’s door. You knew they’d be alarmed if you wake them, because there was an unwritten rule that you didn’t wake someone up in the middle of the night, unless something very bad was going on.

When you knock on Jesper’s door, Wylan is the one who opens it. There’s still light in the room and there’s a pencil in his hand. He must have been working on some sketches for a new project. When you glance over his shoulder you see Jesper sprawled out on the bad, fast asleep.

‘Is everything alright?’ says Wylan. 

‘Yes, it’s fine, I just came to say goodbye.’ you say.

Wylan frowns, then smiles. ‘You’re going back to Ravka.’ he says.

You nod. ‘I need to see Nikolai.’ you say. ‘Can I say goodbye to Jesper real quick?’

Wylan steps aside so you can enter the room. You walk over to the bed, kneel beside it and shake Jesper’s shoulders. He wakes with a string of words you can’t quite understand. 

‘Jes.’ you say softly. ‘It’s me, Y/N, I'm here to say goodbye. I’m going back to Ravka.’

He mumbles a “good for you, have fun” before falling back asleep. 

You smile at move to rise to your feet again. You hug Wylan and after another goodbye, you leave their room, walking the stairs to the next floor. 

Inej walks out of her room, holding a bunch of dirty dishes in her hands. She must have been on her way downstairs to put them away.

‘Hey.’ she says. ‘What are you still doing up?’

‘Saying goodbye.’ you say. ‘I’m going back to the palace.’ 

Like Wylan, Inej smiles. ‘Tell the king I said hi.’ she says.

‘I will.’ you say. ‘Goodbye Inej, I’ll be back for a visit soon.’

You walk to the next floor and knock on Nina’s door. It takes her a while to open the door, but you knew she would. When she does open the door, her hair is messy, she was clearly fast asleep just like Jesper.

‘What happened?’ says Nina, voice thick of sleepiness. ‘Who’s in trouble?’

‘No one’s in trouble.’ you say. ‘I’m here to say goodbye. I’m going back to Nikolai.’

‘You’re leaving again?’ says Nina. ‘But you just got here.’ 

‘I’ll be back for a visit in summer.’ you say. ‘In fact, I’m going to visit every summer. But right now I need to go back.’

‘To Nikolai.’ says Nina.

‘Yes.’ you say. 

‘Give him a kiss from me.’ she says.

‘Nina!’ you say, making her laugh.

‘I’m kidding!’ she says. ‘How about give him a hug from me?’ 

You nod and Nina pulls you in her arms. You close your eyes, trying to capture the moment. You were going to miss them. But you’d be back in summer. When Nina lets go of you, she smiles brightly. 

‘Wait here, you can say goodbye to Matthias too.’ she says. 

She enters the room and seconds later she reappears, with Matthias behind her. Just like Nina, he looks like he just woke up. He’s squinting his eyes as he looks down at you.

‘You’re leaving?’ he says.

‘For a while.’ you say. ‘I’ll be back in summer.’

‘Alright.’ says Matthias. 

Unlike the night when you arrived in Ketterdam, Nina doesn’t have to shove him into your arms. Matthias steps forward and pulls you in for a hug. 

‘Take care.’ he says as he pulls away.

Nina moves past Matthias and pulls you in for another hug.

‘That first one was for Nikolai, this one’s for you.’ she whispers. 

You blink furiously to stop the tears from falling. Saints, you really were going to miss them. But there was no need for tears, you’d see them again in summer. You smile at her as she pulls away.

‘I’m going to miss you.’ you say. ‘All of you.’

‘You’ll see us again.’ says Nina. ‘Now go! You’ve kept him waiting for long enough.’

You walk down the stairs, and grab your coat when you get to the bottom of the stairs. You poke your head around the door and see Kaz is still sitting in the same spot. 

‘Bye, Kaz!’ you say and you wave at him. 

He nods at you and briefly smiles. And then you’re out the door.

You don’t even know if there would be a ship at the docks that would sail to Ravka. But you’re still determined to head to Ravka as fast as you could. You walk down the streets toward the docks. 

You were going back to Ravka, to your king.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

[mockwrites]

Foxglove — “You are not really in love.”

Aurelia rubbed the delicate veins of the purple petals between her thumb and index gently, feeling the thin lines run over her fingertips, a wisp of a deceptively serene smile upon her lips before she crushed it under her fingers, feeling it tear and weep.

“If this isn’t love, then I don’t know what is,” she insisted, crossing away to toss the flower away. “So be a dear, Matt. When you toss the garbage, take care to wrap that flower up -- it’s poisonous; it causes heart problems. I don’t want some poor animal to root in our garbage and come across such a cruel thing,” she said frostily, crossing back over and patting his arm, grabbing her phone and slipping on her heels.

“And anyway, if I wanted a lecture, I would’ve asked Gale for a programming lesson. I’m going out. My favorite flower is still a rose. Keep that in mind for next time,” she said, waving her fingers and grinning like nothing had happened, blowing a cheeky kiss back. 

She shut the door behind her, her pace never slowing until she hit the lobby of the apartment complex, hesitating finally and letting everything that had just occurred wash over her. She closed her eyes, breathing speeding up, eyes pricking with tears she refused to shed. Taking a moment to regain composure and put the look of Matt’s eyes from her mind, she sighed and smiled forcibly.

Her fingers flew over the keys of her phone in a familiar pattern -- not Gale’s number, but Hope’s.

There was a possibility Matt was right all along.

Not that she would be willing to admit it to him or herself, more importantly.

[reconditarmonia]

Dear Fandom 5K Author

Hi! Thank you for writing for me! I’m reconditarmonia here and on AO3. I have anon messaging off, but mods can contact me with any questions.

Dragon Age | Fullmetal Alchemist | The Locked Tomb | Motherland: Fort Salem | Where the Sky is Silver and the Earth is Brass

General likes:

– Relationships that aren’t built on romance or attraction. They can be romantic or sexual as well, but my favorite ships are all ones where it would still be interesting or compelling if the romantic component never materialized.

– Loyalty kink! Trust, affectionate or loving use of titles, gestures of loyalty, replacing one’s situational or ethical judgment with someone else’s, risking oneself (physically or otherwise) for someone else, not doing so on their orders. Can be commander-subordinate or comrades-in-arms.

– Heists, or other stories where there’s a lot of planning and then we see how the plan goes.

– Femslash, complicated or intense relationships between women, and female-centric gen. Women doing “male” stuff (possibly while crossdressing).

– Stories whose emotional climax or resolution isn’t the sex scene, if there is one.

– Uniforms/costumes/clothing.

– Stories, history, and performance. What gets told and how, what doesn’t get told or written down, behavior in a society where everyone’s consuming media and aware of its tropes, how people create their personas and script their own lines.

General DNW: rape/dubcon, torture, other creative gore; unrequested AUs, including “same setting, different rules” AUs such as soulmates/soulbonds; PWP; food sex; embarrassment; focus on pregnancy; Christmas/Christian themes; infidelity; unrequested polyamory; focus on unrequested canon or non-canon ships; unrequested trans versions of characters.

Smut Likes: clothing, uniforms, sexual tension, breasts, manual sex, cunnilingus, grinding, informal d/s elements, intensity.

—

Fandom: Dragon Age

Character(s):

Group: Cassandra Pentaghast/Female Lavellan

Female Lavellan

Group: Charter & Rector

Genre(s):

Canon-Style Plot - Freeform

Action/Adventure

Worldbuilding

Established Relationship

Mystery/Procedural

I'm playing this game for the first time and loving Cassandra and Lavellan together so much. (I'm playing with a mod where I can romance her with a female PC!) Lavellan starts off as this confused and small and non-Andrastian prisoner who disagrees with Cassandra on so many things, but Cassandra puts so much trust and faith in her and so much on the line for her - even with Lavellans who are adamant that they're not chosen, they're just doing their best and they happen to be the ones in the position to make this choice. Cassandra is so proud to know her, and backs her up even when she disagrees with Lavellan's choices! The romance scene is really cute between two characters who are adults and have a day-to-day working relationship that isn't going to change, but are still just having fun with how charming it is in a way that builds on their friendship. Not to mention their battling together, of course - the ways they can protect each other and fight for each other's goals (and give Cassandra all the elven swords and shields), how worried they sound if the other one gets hurt...whoops, I found myself another loyalty kink ship.

I also just like playing as Lavellan generally, with how much of an outsider she feels (the "Dawn Will Come" scene is so alienating! it really works!) and how much of the game is about visiting the sites of past elven trauma and/or glory days.

My Lavellan uses the (default lol) name of Ellana, is a rift mage, sports a lovely buzzcut and vallaslin, has a lot of feelings about elf history (and visiting the Plains/Graves especially), believes in elven gods and doesn't care to pretend she's Andrastian, and besides Cass is closest friends with Solas, but don't feel that you have to write my specific PC - I'm excited to read about yours too!

But! I also love all the little hints about the work that Leliana's agents are doing, and their friendship (walking in on their card game at Caer Bronach is kind of delightful), and the letter from Rector's mother asking why he uses a code name for work (why are you ashamed of your name, Wilbur??) is one of my favorite in-universe documents. Slice-of-life or slice-of-mission with Charter and Rector would also make me really happy. Here again, just the closeness and trust and faith that these people have in one another is my jam.

Fandom-Specific DNW: Canon-typical levels of Cassandra's association with the Chantry and belief in the Maker/Andraste/the Herald shouldn't be taken to contravene my DNW of Christian themes, but I wouldn't want Satinalia fic or something focused on the Andrastian faith. Please don't put F!Lavellan in a different romance, even if we didn't match on the Cassandra ship.

—

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Character(s):

Group: Olivier Mira Armstrong/Maria Ross

Genre(s):

Action/Adventure

Canon-Style Plot - Freeform

Getting Together

I'll admit: I am a shallow, shallow person who loves the heartwarming and id-satisfying Briggs loyalty-kink complex (The watch! Buccaneer handing Olivier a clean pair of gloves after she kills Raven! Constant and deeply sincere saluting! Olivier’s explanation of why she wants Miles around and her lack of patience for anyone’s shit) but would like an f/f manifestation of it for actual shipping. Post-canon or AU where Maria is assigned to Briggs, or works for Olivier in Central? Does Maria foil a plot against Olivier, or Olivier save Maria's life in battle? Does Olivier order Maria into a firefight? Hit me.

Fandom-Specific DNW: Olivier/men, even mentioned.

—

Fandom: The Locked Tomb

Character(s):

Matthias Nonius

Genre(s):

Action/Adventure

Canon-Style Plot - Freeform

Fantasy

Nonius was one of my favorite new characters in Harrow the Ninth. His whole impossible arrival via evocation-by-poetry, battle with the Sleeper, and epic departure to fight the Beast made me very, very happy on levels I have trouble explaining. It was so heartwarming?! Because it was impossible, and because poetry won, and because they went off to do the best they could...I don't know, exactly. (Iiiii also just love that he's named for the Redwall mouse.) I'd love to read more about his life - being unprepossessing and very human but also paladin-like and really fucking good at being a swordsman, representing the Ninth House in slightly less decrepit times, his mysterious past with Gideon the First (and Pyrrha, sort of), however it happened that he died far from home in an unknown place and couldn't be recovered for burial, "chickenshits don't get beer"? Or, er, his afterlife - going to fight with Marta, Ortus, and Pro, re-encountering G1deon as allies...

—

Fandom: Motherland: Fort Salem

Character(s):

Group: Abigail Bellweather/Raelle Collar

Original Historical Witch Character(s)

Group: Sarah Alder & First Bellweather Ancestor

Genre(s):

Action/Adventure

Canon-Style Plot - Freeform

Mystery/Procedural

Worldbuilding

I fell hard for this show and Abigail/Raelle is the ship I’m most excited about - they get off to a bad start for all kinds of personal history reasons and have problems with each other, but when it gets down to the wire Abigail would do anything for Raelle and is very gung-ho about having Raelle’s unconventional but extremely powerful magic under her leadership, regardless of Raelle being a loose cannon. She told her she loved her!! <3 And by the end, Raelle also clearly knows what Abigail's going through (like when she talks her down in "Citydrop"), respects her leadership, and cares deeply about her and wants to protect her in return. I love that loyalty dynamic, and their competence as fighters/witches.

Physical combat, strength in general, magical strength, ability to work magic together, knowledge of the magical canon vs. out-of-the-box techniques...what parts of their skills and their bond could be challenged in the weird dimension that the end of season 1 leaves them in? Or when they get back home and new challenges await? (In my head, the decision not to send them to War College is not revoked; the unit becomes some kind of special-forces secret strike team rather than cannon fodder.) Maybe something where Raelle goes/has gone into a fight as a berserker-type for Abigail and then comes back to her, or where Abigail protects/has protected her soldier (her girl!! I love her protectiveness of Raelle towards the other cadets, imagine it in a battle!)? Or an arranged marriage AU where it's usual for witch soldiers to marry to combine their magic power or something...If including smut in the story, I'd especially be up for something d/s-y where the loyalty-kinky dynamic of Raelle being Abigail's weapon, at her command, is echoed in sex!

OR. The alternate history that the show has created is so interesting and I'm craving expansion of that through fic! Tell me about the Bellweather ancestor who was a slave and ended up powerful and influential enough to begin a dynasty, and how she met and was recruited by Alder. Or other enslaved witches, witches in the American Revolution or the Civil War, or the founding of Fort Salem and standardization of American military magic with its various influences, or Chinese or Jewish or Mexican immigrant witches who maybe came from different magic traditions and might have had to make the choice of whether or not to reveal that they had magic (if the system knows you because of your descent in the country?), serving their country but also binding their daughters and granddaughters forever.

Fandom-Specific DNW: Abigail/Adil (at all; if he's mentioned, please make them just friends), focus on Raelle/Scylla (dwelling on Raelle still having feelings for Scylla or on her getting over Scylla for Abigail; you don't need to retcon their having been together), Scylla bashing.

—

Fandom: Where the Sky is Silver and the Earth is Brass

Character(s):

Chaye Roznatovsky

Demon

Genre(s):

Fantasy

Canon-Style Plot - Freeform

Worldbuilding

Anything expanding on this story would make me really happy. Chaye’s years with the partisans, the comrades-in-arms she had and loved then and who else’s memory she holds or makes into a weapon, her journey to America, going by the surname of “no one.” The demon’s mirror world, its loss of that world (what exactly happened on the other side?) and its need to be where Jews are, demon Judaism? Or the future of both of them now that they’ve found each other!

Fandom-Specific DNW/Opt-In: DNW Chaye/demon. The premise of the story being what it is, I'm explicitly okay with antisemitism being a prominent feature of the story if you write something that covers either or both characters' backstory, but would prefer post-war antisemitism not to be a focus.

[rebelwithacausesolveig]

Time Warp! (Matty)

Let’s do the time warp again! Send me “time warp” to meet a younger or older version of my muse!

@matthias-meijer [I couldn’t decide between past or future, so you get a 2 for 1! yay~ lol. Also, special honorable mentions; @katrienmeijer , @margaritaxromanova , plus a couple un-named] Obligatory disclaimer, I own none of these characters and this isn’t cannon unless unanimously decidedly so. 

The Past

Solveig’s hands trembled slightly as she looked at herself in the full length mirror. She’d been training her entire life to asses and take down threats but somehow talking to her best friend had her nerves frayed beyond repair. 

The king will be there.

Of course he would, she remind herself. He couldn’t risk the girl saying anything to his son that he didn’t want him to hear. Turning to the side Solveig lifted her shirt enough to show her abdomen. Still flat, lean, and muscular; she wondered how long it would take before she started showing. Another month would put her at the beginning of her second trimester, is that when? How long until she could find out if it was a little boy or girl? She could have easily found these things out online, but somehow Googling it made it too real to handle. No, she’d just wait until she got to Norway to ask her aunt about it. 

Putting on her most convincing smile she walked through the halls, doing her best to act like it was just another day. Maybe she wouldn’t even find Matthias in the palace and she could just leave without a word. That sounded easier, and it wasn’t forever, right? Just one year. 

A familiar voice pulled her from her worries and she had to pause to gather herself before turning to face him with a grin. “Little prince... I was wondering if I was going to be able to find you before I had to leave.” He didn’t look thrilled, but admittedly not as upset as Solveig expected. Then again, he didn’t really know the full story, just that she was spending a year abroad. 

It took everything Solveig had to keep her face passive as the king stepped out of the office behind his son. With Matthias’ back to him his eyes bored holes straight through the teenage girl. She hated the man with every fiber of her being. For threatening her family. For forcing her to lie to his son. For making it so that her own child would barely know her and never meet their father. As much as she hated him though, her fear of him was so much greater. Men like him were the reason she’d joined the rebellion when her father had told her about it months before on her sixteenth birthday. One day he’d be taken down a notch, and she hoped she got to personally see to it. 

“It will only be a year, and we can still text and face-time or whatever,” she added with a grin, pulling her attention back to Matthias. Standing on her tip toes she wrapped her arms around him. ‘Little Prince’ had been an ironic moniker for years now. “I promise to bring you back some cool souvenirs.” With that she pulled away before quickly pinching his cheek with a chuckle. “Maybe by the time I get back you will have gotten rid of some of this baby fat.” She was teasing of course, but whether he knew why or not, she needed something to lighten the mood. 

Giving a small wave and a lingering glance she left him there in the hall. Even as she re-treated she could feel the king’s eyes on her and it took everything she had not to run from him as quickly as possible. This was only one of the first battles in what would turn into a lifelong war of glares and veiled threats, but she wouldn’t let him win it. 

“Ms. Trulson.” Solveig stopped dead in her tracks and took a deep breath before wordlessly looking back at the monarch that had addressed her. “Have a safe trip.”

Solveig had to swallow hard, glad they were far enough away to not see the lump in her throat. He’d managed to make the phrase sound like more of a curse than a payer. Nodding in reply, she didn’t dare speak knowing her voice would be shaky.

---------

The Future

Solveig had to bite her tongue as the small girl tugged on her dress. 

“Mama! Maaaaamma~ Asy needs help. Maaaammaaaaa~ You have to come now! Asy needs help! C’mon, Mama! Mammaaaaa!”

Solveig loved the six year old with all her heart, but damn she knew how to be obnoxious. A trait, the blonde was adamant, that she got from her father. Not to mention today was already a whirlwind of stress and emotion to begin with and her youngest child’s constant talking wasn’t helping. 

“Okay.” Solveig finally caved, kneeling down to her daughter. “Shh, less volume please, Klara, and take deep breaths.” She waited a moment for the small child to calm down and catch her breath. “Okay, now tell me calmly, what does Astrid need help with.” 

“Um, there’s lots of buttons. And, um, she said something about pictures with you helping with her dress and, um, finding Matty....ummmm.” The small child’s eyes seemed to wander as she tried to remember. Solveig knew her daughter well enough to know she wasn’t getting anymore information out of her. Klara’s attention was gone for good. “Mama, I’m hungry.” Yup, there is was, she’d moved on to food. As was usual. 

“Your papa is through that door,” she said, spinning the girl to face the double doors to the sanctuary. “He has snacks in his pocket, go find him.” With a pat on the butt she watched the girl run off with a grin. There was still an hour until the ceremony, no need for Klara to sit around in the dressing room bored. 

Heading back to where her eldest child was she turned a corner and if she hadn’t been so light on her feet, would have run straight into Matthias. “Oh good, I was just going to come look for you. I am told you are needed, though perhaps my six-year-old is not the best source of reliable information,” she added with a grin. 

Taking a moment she looked him over. It was hard to believe they were both in their forties now, their accidental daughter only an hour away from getting married. The last eleven years since he’d found out about Astrid had been somewhat strained, their relationship had never fully recovered, but it had gotten better. She’d seen him a number of times after leaving Russia, especially after the then teenager had decided she wanted to split her living time between her mother and newly found father. He looked older now though, or perhaps just wiser. It seemed the stress of taking over the kingdom the pervious year had aged him some. His hair now speckled with gray and the lines in his shallow though prominent. He still had the same kind eyes though and she couldn’t help but return it as he smiled at her. 

He had children with Maggie now, and even Katrien had her own family. Though Solveig was still certain the girl had more adopted pets than children. It seemed like a lifetime ago that they’d all lived under one roof. Pushing the door to the room her daughter was holed up in open she nodded at Matthias. “After you, little...king? That will still take some getting used to,” she mused, following him in. 

Seeing her daughter made Solveig gasp. Of course she’d seen her in the dress at the fittings, but here with her hair and makeup done, she looked truly regal. Astrid was kindly directing her bridesmaids around the room though stopped as soon as her parents walked in; her eyes lighting up. 

“Mamma! Pappa! I wasn’t sure if Klara would actually relay the message.” The woman wrapped her arms around the two of them together. Solveig couldn’t help but notice it was the closest she’d been to Matthias in a while. “Okay, Mamma, we’re doing pictures with you buttoning my dress. Pappa, I want to get some with you too. Can someone please go find my little sisters, we need getting ready pictures. Then Pappa, I need you to take the photographer to where the boys are getting ready and make sure your son is with you. We need one with the groom and ring bearer.” Just like that Astrid was off on a whirlwind again before pausing  as a thought occurred to her. “Is Maggie not with you two? I want one of Maggie doing my buttons too.” She turned to a bridesmaid. “Anita, can you go find the Dutch queen please? And bring my little sisters back while you’re at it, all of them. Thank you.” Without another glance at the woman that was already moving Astrid started for the other side of the room. 

Solveig looked to Matthias, his brows raised as he took it in. Men weren’t usually privy to this part, though Solveig had to admit, Astrid was being much nicer right now than she’d been on her wedding day. “Come on,” she said with a grin, tugging him through the fray of moving women to an adjacent room that had been staged for pictures.  --- Solveig bent down, smoothing out Klara’s skirts. Not that they were in disarray, she just needed something to keep her busy. She heard the music start to play though and quickly took her place once more at the front of the processional. The groom was to escort the mother of the bride. So with Solveig back on one arm and Maggie on the other he took off. Glancing back quickly she tried to give Matthias a reassuring smile; he looked nervous. 

It had been last minute, but Astrid had decided to switch to Matthias escorting her instead of Solveig. A decision she’d backed entirely. He’d spent too long not knowing his daughter existed. Something Solveig still felt terrible about. The man waved back though just before she turned away and she felt tears sting the back of her eyes. No, things weren’t the way they had been growing up, but they were getting better.