#( babysitting himself: he's doing it )

[sunderwight]

Thinking about a bingqiu Dreamling AU where Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua are both bored deities, just sort of taking a brief sojourn through the mortal world to shoot the shit and see some interesting monster or other that Shen Yuan has heard about, when they come across a tea house and decide to take a break and do some people-watching instead.

Shen Yuan is well into something of a shut-in phase, which Shang Qinghua doesn't like, mostly because when Shen Yuan is in those phases he doesn't do particularly well either. Shen Yuan's a social butterfly, for however little he cares to actually acknowledge it about himself, and his critique of Shang Qinghua's literary masterpieces gets so much harsher when he's not getting enough enrichment.

So when they overhear one of the kitchen boys solemnly insisting that he is going to do everything in his power to never die, and Shen Yuan laments that the boy would probably regret such a wish if it came true, Shang Qinghua decides to bestow a rare bit of godly power onto this mortal and grant his wish.

He doesn't make him a god, of course, that wouldn't even be in his ability. At least, not without using up more time and effort than he's prepared to expend on this one random kid. But immortality on its own is not that difficult. The boy will still finish growing up, and will still be able to be harmed, to know hunger and pain and illness. It just won't ever kill him.

Shen Yuan sighs that it's a cruel thing to do to a mortal, especially one with such low odds of ever cultivating other skills to mitigate the potential torment of it all. But Shang Qinghua just shrugs and they place bets, that this boy will ask for the immortality to be revoked in a hundred years, or two hundred, or so on, or else he won't. Shen Qingqiu approaches the kitchen boy and flusters and bewilders him by telling him to meet him back here again in a hundred years time.

A hundred years later, the tea house is larger. The boy has grown to be a striking young man, who looks at Shen Yuan with wariness and something else, something almost like awe, as he asks what manner of creature he's made this bargain with. Shen Yuan assures him that he has no nefarious intentions, and instead asks Luo Binghe how the past century of his life has gone.

Horribly, at least at first. Binghe's mother had already died by the time they met, but afterwards he managed to earn enough money to travel to a nearby sect. Working in the tea house's kitchen was just a minor stopover along the way. Shen Yuan was wrong, it seems, about his odds of becoming a cultivator -- Luo Binghe earned entry as a disciple.

Yet, he had no success. The master who took him on was unaccountably cruel and mercurial, and Luo Binghe's attempts to cultivate failed. Looking back he sees now that there were many times when he should have died but didn't, but when it was all happening he just thought himself lucky. At least until an enemy sect attacked a cultivation conference, and he suffered mortal wounds that absolutely should have killed him (or anyone) but still didn't die. (No demon race or abyss in this AU, but there are still demonic and fantastical creatures.)

His cruel master, upon witnessing this, accused him of heretical practices and tried to kill him as well by flinging him off the edge of a gorge. The fall was terrible. Binghe lay at the bottom in a horrifying state, injured beyond reason and yet, still, he didn't die. Eventually his body recovered enough for him to drag himself out, and once he did the only thing on his mind was getting revenge. For the next several decades he managed to ingratiate himself to all manner of potential allies, forging alliances, accumulating blackmail, and convincing people that he had to be some powerful cultivator through his supernatural resilience, lack of visible aging, and a lot of bluffing. He got revenge on his old teacher, drove his first sect into ruin, and rose to prominence as a feared and respected leader of the cultivation world.

Shen Yuan listens with clear interest, asking plenty of questions and seemingly quite taken up with the story. At the conclusion, Luo Binghe admits that his actual cultivation is still mostly a matter of smoke and mirrors, and wonders if -- now that the hundred years have passed -- Shen Yuan means to strip his immortality from him.

Shen Yuan asks if Luo Binghe wants that. When Luo Binghe says no, he accepts the answer, and tells him to meet him back here again in another hundred years. Luo Binghe calls after him, but before he can ask anything more, Shen Yuan has disappeared again.

A hundred years later, Binghe arrives back at the tea house with an entourage befitting of an emperor. The tea house has also expanded. Luo Binghe orders a lavish feast from them, which everyone hastens to provide. He's spent the past several decades consolidating his power, forging alliances with key political players via several marriages, producing heirs, and crushing his enemies. As he brags about the state of his massive harem to Shen Yuan, the deity's eyes begin to glaze over. He doesn't seem impressed. He also doesn't seem to care much for the food, and eventually his attention is stolen away by a conversation at another table. The diners are discussing the exploits of a promising new poet and novelist. Try as he might, Luo Binghe fails to regain Shen Yuan's attention before the evening is done. Shen Yuan doesn't think it's a big deal -- after all, if Binghe is still riding on top of the world, he's probably not going to want his immortality gift revoked just yet!

Another hundred years go by. The tea house has returned to a more modest situation, the next time Shen Yuan sets foot in it. He waits an unusually long while for his guest to arrive, and when he does, he's almost stopped at the door by the tea house's servers. It's only when Shen Yuan bids them let him through that Luo Binghe is able to come to the table, almost collapsing against it and desperately falling onto the arrangement of snacks with obvious hunger.

Shen Yuan wonders if this, now, will be when the boy (no longer a boy) asks for the immortality to be revoked. Surprisingly, he finds himself resistant to the idea, even though it's also clear that the game has run too long. Maybe hundred year check-ins were too short? He doesn't like the implications of what's gone on, even if he's not really surprised about it either.

Between desperate mouthfuls of food, Luo Binghe explains that without mastering inedia, going hungry but never dying is a deeply unpleasant experience. Shen Yuan orders more food. Once Binghe has finally eaten his fill, he begins, haltingly, to explain his situation. His clothes are ragged, he is painfully thin, and his gaze is haunted.

Apparently, several of his wives conspired to assassinate him, despite his reputation as unkillable. Realizing that most poisons and such didn't kill him, but that he could still be incapacitated, they hatched a scheme to dose his food with a powerful sleeping agent, and then walled him up in a famous ancestral tomb. They went to great length to ensure that it was impossible to escape from. It took Binghe decades to do it anyway, digging away at the floors, and when he got out he found that his power base had collapsed. In-fighting and the incursion of his enemies had led to the deaths of all of his children, and what wives had survived had either fled or remarried. Not that he particularly wanted them back at that point, since the ones actually most loyal to him had also been killed early on after his own "death". His face marked him, to the eyes of his enemy, as a surviving descendant of himself. He was hunted down, chased across the continent and back again, until he managed to fall into enough obscurity that his pursuers abandoned the chase. Except that he has nothing, and any time he tries to regain something, he runs the risk of being hounded again. Those who might see some potential in him still remember the collapse of his recent "dynasty" and slam doors in his face, or else try and turn him over to those now in power in pursuit of a reward. Those who don't know that much see only a dirty beggar, and usually run him off on that basis instead.

Shen Yuan, almost hesitant, asks if Luo Binghe would like to have his immortality revoked.

Luo Binghe declines. How will he be able to take revenge on those who wronged him if he is dead? He has a hit list a mile long by now.

Which is definitely not the most noble of reasons to persist, but Shen Yuan finds himself reluctant to ask twice. Instead he orders more food, and then even reserves one of the traveler's rooms above the tea house for several days. By then the sky is turning grey, and Luo Binghe is losing his apparent battle with exhaustion. Shen Yuan presses the key into his hand, thinking it's probably not enough, but there are limits to how much gods are supposed to interfere and Shang Qinghua already stretched them to the breaking point with this entire scenario.

He leaves, not seeing the hand that reaches after him just before he is out of the door and gone.

Another hundred years pass. This time, Shen Yuan arrives to find Luo Binghe already waiting for him. He isn't surprised to see that Binghe's situation has visibly improved -- maybe he was keeping closer tabs on him, just a little bit, for this past while. If only to be sure he wouldn't have to warn the tea house workers to expect an unorthodox visitor again! But no, Binghe has been doing well enough for himself. No more harems or thrones, though. He dresses more like a well-off merchant now, deliberately posing as his own mortal descendant rather than as a great immortal cultivator. The food at the table looks far more delicious than usual too (Binghe commandeered the tea house's kitchen himself this time). As they chat, Shen Yuan is regaled with the exploits of Luo Binghe's travels and adventures, how even though he initially set out to claim revenge on those who overthrew him, by the time he was in a position to actually do so they had already died of the usual causes (time, illness, their own schemes backfiring, etc). Subsequently, only their children and grandchildren were left with the scraps of power they had obtained, and when one of those children employed Luo Binghe as a bodyguard, his initial plan to assassinate them eventually fell by the wayside. After all, the wrongdoings weren't actually theirs. From that point, Binghe was able to restore himself to a more comfortable life, joining his new employer on their travels until he had set aside enough earnings to take his leave before his youthful good-looks earned him suspicion. He then began investing in travel and trade, specifically cargo ships, because never spending too long in the same place or around the same people helped disguise his immortality. He had found that, at least for now, this served him better than playing the part of a cultivator. It also gave him time to try and actually repair his ruined cultivation base somewhat, and fighting pirates proved very diverting.

Binghe is midway through recounting his adventures with a gigantic sea monster, while Shen Yuan hangs on every word, when they're interrupted by the arrival of a brash young mistress, clearly wealthy and trained in cultivation. The young lady declares that there is a rumor that a fallen god and a demon meet in this tea house once a century, that they wield strange powers, etc etc, and she intends to interrogate them both with the assistance of her hired muscle and her own spiritual weapon, and discover the truth of the matter. Then she whips out, well, a whip!

Before Shen Yuan can deal with the matter, Luo Binghe is already on his feet, disarming the goons and breaking a few arms in the process. Shen Yuan is so distracted that he almost misses the whip aimed right for him, but before Binghe can catch the barbed weapon with his bare hand (wtf, Binghe, no) Shen Yuan deflects it with a wave of his fan, and then efficiently knocks the troublesome young lady unconscious. The hired muscle flees, Shen Yuan arranges for their assailant to be placed in a room upstairs until she regains consciousness, and he and Binghe resume their meal and conversation in relative peace.

Even though it's clear that Luo Binghe has not yet reached the end of his tolerance for life, Shen Yuan nevertheless finds himself strangely reluctant to part ways at the end of the night. Still, he does, because that's what is expected of him, gently denying Luo Binghe's suggestions that they find some other establishment to continue their conversation at. He also has to investigate these "rumors" that the young lady mentioned. It's probably nothing (Shang Qinghua has a loose tongue when he's drunk, and a lot of imaginative storytellers have frequented this tea house over the years) but he doesn't like being caught unawares like that. Heavenly politics are... complicated, it's best not to court unwanted attention in any capacity.

Another hundred years go by. This time, when they meet at the tea house, Luo Binghe asks Shen Yuan why he keeps it up. Why did he pick Binghe? What is he really after? When Shen Yuan fails to give any kind of clear answer, Luo Binghe shoots his shot and makes a (very obvious) move on him.

Shen Yuan, flustered, gets up and flees. Ignoring Luo Binghe's calls after him. It just doesn't make any sense! Why would Binghe do that?! He's a man who once had a harem of wives in the triple digits! Clearly he's not gay, so what was that all about? Was he just messing with him?! How dare he! Etc, etc.

Another century passes. Luo Binghe waits at the tea house, which has fallen onto hard times again. With the construction of some new roadways, travelers no longer pass through as often. Binghe listens, worried, to the proprietor's laments that this old place will probably not be around in another hundred years. He listens because he has no one else to speak to, because Shen Yuan has not shown up. Not that morning, not during the day, not come evening, and not now that it is closing time. Binghe nevertheless charms and bribes the proprietor to let him stay even after the place has shuttered.

It seems damning, of course. He pressed too hard and now his mysterious benefactor wants nothing more to do with him. Except, no, he refuses to accept that. He's still immortal. And he has gleaned enough of Shen Yuan's character by now that he thinks that even if he was rejected, he would be let down more clearly and gently than this. The more he thinks about it, the less willing Luo Binghe is to believe that he has been deliberately stood up (also, since the tenor of his confession was different from Hob Gadling's, he never delivered an ultimatum about what it might imply when they met up again).

Over the centuries, Luo Binghe has built up a few contacts with similarly strange and supernatural stories. Cultivators, sure, but also others, fortune tellers and people of strange ancestry, questionable abilities, those who have interacted with powerful beings of mysterious provenance. He makes his way to a certain gambling den, frequented often by such people, and while he flashes around enough money to draw curiosity, he collects information. Shen Yuan wasn't the only person who started paying more attention to the kinds of rumors surrounding the two of them after their confrontation with the young cultivator a couple centuries ago. And in fact, Luo Binghe has been spending many, many years trying to find out more about his mystery man. Though, too many potential deities and immortals fit his description for him to have ever conclusively figured much out.

This is how Binghe gets wind of a rumor that an eccentric occultist has somehow captured a god in his basement...

[vvitchering]

Din’s new Nevarro neighbors realizing pretty quickly that the new guy will help you with anything if you ask him nicely. Got a leaky roof? He’ll climb up there and patch it and clean out the gutters while he’s at it. Old and need someone to run into town and pick up some groceries for you? How many potatoes do you need, ma’am? Some creep keeps harassing you? Don’t worry about it, it’s taken care of.

Din has all the thank-you pies, cakes, and pastries he and Grogu can eat.

[flockoff]

In a another world, Peak of Combat has a plot that involves Time Travel Shenanigans which puts V in one of the Funniest Situations.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Dick Grayson has to juggle being in the spotlight again as Brucie Wayne’s son with his nightly vigilante activities. Easier said than done, when most days he has to struggle keeping his eyes open during the day.

But now? After Brucie’s most recent investing campaign that’s pissing a lot of people off? Yeah, Dick Grayson is once more in the top ten of most wanted on the both kidnappers’ and killers’ lists.

Thankfully there’s a new crime lord in town with a penchant for altruism.

And honestly, this is gonna benefit them both! Dick’s got the money to pay him and Hood’s got the manpower and brute strength to act as his bodyguard, not to mention the added benefit of helping the man turn Crime Alley into something… well, something with less crime! It’s a perfect plan!

Now Dick’s just gotta convince the Red Hood of that, too…

[mad-c1oud]

thinking about the Charlie's birthday stream. not the ending, no, we think about that too much. no I think about everything else:

the happiness, the joy, the warmth of it all for nearly two full hours

the lack of mob spawns that night because it’s Charlie's birthday and he has eggs with him. how intentional it is. how funny it is and how sad it makes me because its so considerate

thinking about Tallulah by Charlie's side the whole time, diligently leading him from item to item as his little "guardian angel". Charlie trying to be a good tio and falling a little short sometimes, accidentally leaving Tallulah behind when she crashes but still trying cause that’s his sobrina. how she has to actually hit him to get his attention and how bad she must feel but it's so fucking funny each time

(how can anyone blame him when he never gets to hang out with the eggs enough to know he should wait for her? Charlie had Juanaflippa for what- 10 days? and was practically shunned by several others and himself from interacting with other eggs after his action, which is understandable, but only for so long. can they not see how he plays with the eggs? hear how soft his voice gets around them? don't the other islanders understand?)

this is maybe the longest he's gotten to hang out with tallulah since he got his backpack. Wilbur is his best friend and this was the egg he left behind. He's still learning and Tallulah still loves him despite it. Two people missing someone dearly, yet they have each other even if it's hard to realize

thinking about "Maybe Tallulah, you were the gift. I think you're the gift, Tallulah."

thinking about Richas, his nephew because Charlie has Mike, an actual brother that is equally excited to see him time and time again. A nephew coming around with the slime head and slime balls, like a mini Charlie, who is decked out in a full ghillie suit. Charlie who plays with the egg, pretending to be a spooky monster and richas playing along and getting scared

thinking about Charlie not knowing how to use the ghillie suit properly so he's still clearly visible to the eggs, yet they act like he isn't for his sake. shepherding him around from place to place because charlie is a little clueless yeah (he's in exile, go easy on him), but they are patient and happy to "tag along" and let him lead

thinking about them all taking a picture with him in the school, charlie wanting one with both of them, something to remember the day by.

thinking about how charlie is clearly loved by the eggs, his huevos, and how he clearly loves them back and is trying to be better for them even if he struggles so much

thinking about Charlie Slimecicle on his birthday, for once happy after everything he's been through, Tallulah and Richarlyson by his side

just him, his sobrina, and his nephew on a little scavenger hunt under the stars while the rest of the server remains quiet and calm. asleep while they remain lively

just them

happy

[sugarplumfairy888]

Dear Blitzø

Look baby, I know you care very deeply for your friends, daughter, and your (somewhat) boyfriend, you would do anything to help them, and you want to be there for them at all times. But…..FOR LUCIFER’S SAKE, STOP PUTTING YOUR LIFE IN DANGER, STOP TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE, GET THERAPY, AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR FUCKING SELF INSTEAD OF TAKING CARE OTHERS!!!!

Seriously it is time you started doing some self-care!!!!! Face your demons already and quit using your friends, daughter’s and your owl boyfriend’s problems as an excuse to avoid yours.

YOU ARE SELFISH FOR NOT BEING SELFISH!!! IT IS SO SELFISH OF YOU!!!!

Seriously Blitzø you are like the Princess Carolynn of HB. It is distrubing!!!!

Sincerely,

Everyone who is Blitzø stans including me. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[screechingfromthevoid]

the thing about Cyrus is that he's supposed to be likeable. Cyrus Wyvernwind is supposed to be that himbo npc that is funny and charming and gets you attached. I don't know what it is about him but I don't buy it. Not that I think he's faking it. I know he's profoundly stupid.

I just don't think he's charming enough. I don't think hes sweet enough. I don't think he's fun enough to justify everything he put people through.

He shows up, scaring the shit out of Dorian. He's trailing Bells Hells (badly) to the point that everyone was on high alert. THEN he asks for Dorian to separate from the group. While they're on a stake out. While they know someone's trailing them. And Dorian goes, putting everyone even more on edge, and himself in danger. Then he has the audacity to be bitchy about it.

And I don't know if I'm remembering wrong? But he's not even happy to see Dorian? Like he doesn't give him a hug. Hes not stoked to see his brother after so long. Hes defensive and guarded. And Dorian is forced to know that his brother followed in his footsteps, badly, and now has a bounty over his head bigger than anyone's ever seen.

He then proceeds to be the fall guy AGAIN because he was so desperate to prove himself. So desperate to fix his mess himself.

But Cyrus does not seem grateful for everything his brother and his brothers friends have done for him. These are people who could have turned everything around for him. For the bounty, for the connections they had to Hexum. Cyrus could have been a part of Bell's Hells. He could have become another important member to the team. They could have all been family.

He makes a bigger mess of his life and then drags Dorian down with him. He drags Dorian down with him and he doesn't even seem grateful. He seems embarrassed, ashamed, sure.

Instead he was too proud to let his brother help. He was too proud to let his birth family help. He fumbled and failed and he never learned.

Abria said at the top of the Crown Keepers interlude that he was still level six because he never learned a lesson.

And I think that's what gets me about that mother fucker. He allegedly wanted to do this all on his own. He wanted to fix it himself, right? BUT HE NEVER LEARNED. HE NEVER GOT STRONGER.

Dorian and the crown keepers went up seven levels. They kept up with Bell's Hells. That means they were doing dangerous shit to survive because they were on the lamb because of cyrus and he didn't do a damn thing to help. This man didn't even do anything during the heist. He didnt join in at all. Even when they were all 6th level. He was just as capable as the rest in that moment and he didn't do shit.

Then he didn't improve. He didn't get stronger. He didn't do anything remotely helpful for months. When most of this strife started with him.

So now he's dead. After everything Dorian went through to save his life. After everything everyone did for him.

Dorian is adorned in gold and has a weight on his shoulders that should have never been his. He is left with a feeling of failure because he could not save his brother. His brother who did not try to save himself. He could have been such a prize. A prince who came back so much stronger and worldly. To rule as a king well and true and fair because he had seen the world beyond.

So Dorian will return that heir. Because his brother was not fit.

[n4rval]

a little pause on art for finals(they are all late) but boy has brain been braining

more specifically on dings' dynamic as asriel and chara's weird uncle bc that's just something i don't see a lot

[quietwingsinthesky]

Prompt: the archangelcule celebrating Jack's birthday 🙏

Lucifer runs himself ragged all week getting the party set up (and despite the fact that he’s done this for Jack every time he needs it since he came back into Michael’s life, it still leaves Michael surprised and wondering what happened to the boy who only knew how to bite the hand that fed when Michael abandoned him, when did he learn to be gentle and reliable, why did Michael waste all this time not seeing him?) to the point that he looks like he might fall asleep in front of the birthday cake before Raphael nudges him with their elbow, and he wakes up to sing.

They sing quietly — loud noises hurt Jack’s ears, one of many little oddities, but they rearrange their lives around his needs: no vacuuming unless he’s out of the house and no yelling from room to room — while Jack looks like he’s about to jump right out of his seat with how much he wants to blow out the candles. Gabriel scoops him up in one arm after, lets Jack’s tiny hand curl around the handle of the (dull!) cake knife while his lays over it to guide him, and helps him to cut pieces for them all himself.

(birthday 3 sentence ficathon! come toss a prompt!)

[teiasviago]

i know it shouldn’t bother me when people say that dad!gale enjoyers are ignoring gale’s characterization but i can’t help it. it’s not hating gale as a dad that gets me, it’s the idea that ��one side” is right and the “other” is wrong. like did the idea that the lines where gale says he’s not father material were written specifically to go both ways simply not occur to some of you? that seems to be the logical conclusion and yet i keep seeing people (mind you, only anti-dad!gale people—not once have i seen a dad!gale enjoyer shame someone for not liking the idea) claim that there’s a correct interpretation! like what happened to live and let live? 😭

[feralsteddie]

mid-apocalypse Steve with a shaved head is living rent free in my mind rn

[scxttershot]

Closed starter - @minodalus

If there's one consistent thing about Floyd Lawton aside from the terrible personality, it's the fact he smokes like a chimney. As the van stops, he halfheartedly pulls the Deadshot mask off his face, shoving it into a pocket of the borrowed Arkham Asylum uniform he'd been given. "Alright. Everybody out, now," he speaks around the cigarette. Besides him, a half asleep Doctor Poison grumbles. Floyd being Floyd, he jabs her in the breast with a wrist-mounted gun. "You too, Princess. No time for beauty sleep. We've got a job to do." Unless she felt like getting her head or limbs blown off, that was. Not his problem, really. "Remember, once we get in we're supposed to blend in," he adds as he opens the van's side door, stepping out into the gloom of Gotham and the loading docks of Arkham. "That means you, Digger. Boomerbutt, you'll be going down to the medical ward with Maru as backup. Don't break anything. Nygma, you're with me. Saad, you...." he narrows his eyes as Copperhead hisses at him, then watches as he starts to scale the complex's back wall. "Yeah, just do whatever with everyone else, you creepy reptilian fuck. Waller's on comms, you know the deal. Keep an ear out." Floyd sighs audibly, pacing the grounds in an attempt to get his bad leg to stop cramping from the lack of blood flow and puffing on his cig. "Right. Let's get to it. Door should be open." Thankfully, the top half of the uniform is bulky, certainly bulky enough to hide the slimmer of his wrist guns as well as the Deadshot costume underneath. He looks damn near normal, even with the usual handlebar mustache.

[todayisafridaynight]

Sohei 🤝 Kazama: Bad dads

who even IS a good dad in this series like who even is a dad that we can all look at and go 'now THATS a good dad right there'

[iamthescalesofjustice]

had a star wars themed dream. anyway

 feemor getting a birthday cake from a smug crime boss 🤝 surana having some parents of a force-sensitive kid refuse to believe he is not a jedi and try to pawn their kid off on him 🤝 the temple guards having a mando who says their name is revan turn up to the front door 

‘was not prepared to deal with this shit today’ 

[simpfornegan]

every day i fight the urge to write the groomer aemond fic rattling around my brain

[lostmykeysie]

Okay be honest, are we getting baby harry and regulus bonding time at some point 👀

babes omg i wanted/had planned for there to be actual proper baby haz and reggie bonding moments but like i know NOTHING about babies, absolutely nothing. i have friends and cousins with kids but i don't hang out with them?? obviously. and i am that person that just speaks to babies like they're small stupid people and when i'm writing i have to google literally everything about every second of every scene with harry or bombard my pals with questions and it's just too much drama for me lol

i am trying to yeet harry into every scene i can but i just CBA i'm gonna be so honest. babies are LONG!!!!!!!! is he even a baby anymore???? is he a toddler??? wtf even IS a toddler???? in my mind if you're 5 and under you're just a baby but i don't think that's right tbh. yolo