#( as punishment for being a little shit- )
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"Qui-gon traumatised Obi-wan!!"
Bold of you to assume that Obi-wan Kenobi did not immediately turn around and traumatise him back. Obi-wan does not have daddymaster issues his master has padawan issues.
He returns from MelidaDaan with the power of being 14 (derogatory) and excessive weaponry on his side. Qui-gon's being called by the teachers cause his padawan is teaching the other kids how to make shivs and also unionise. He's sneaking off to the lower levels to hustle sabbac games in order to buy tiny blasters he can keep in his tunics and boots.
When Xantos breaks in to the temple Obi-wan tells him that it's frankly embarassing for him to have had Qui-gon Jinn of all people living rent free in his head for so many years.
#it is so important to me that obi wan is an unhinged little shit thats how the apprenticeship works they're both assholes ones just smaller#once qui go asks if hes being punished with such a disobedient padawan and obi wans like oh no xanatos was the punishment im karma :)#obi wan kenobi#qui gon jinn#qui gon and obi wan#star wars
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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day 169
this is it, the dynamic
#day 169#year 5#aradia megido#kanaya maryam#homestuck#arakan#based largely on their first pesterlog#kanaya is so. FUCKING condescending to her and its funny#actually edit: i added the link to the page just read it#kanaya being a lil shit is my favorite for her actually#and aradia being like 0h n0t this shit again#like its just so!!!!!!#funny but also like KIND OF GENUINELY MEAN FOR NO REASON fjdhjdhd#its LITERALLY just kanaya dropping into aradias dms to be like#Hey Bestie Just A Reminder That You Should Feel A Little Bit Guilty About Everything That Happens From Here On Out#Even Though It Is Basically Inevitable#Lucky For You Though I Am Going To Be Very Gracious And Clean Up After Whatever Dumb Shit You Are About To Pull With This Game#like GIRL WHAT IS UR DAMAGE FKDHSKHDGD im obsessed#i mean obviously she has some fucked up feelings internally about participating in a game that ends the world#i wonder if she feels guilty herself for letting aradia and sollux pull half the code from her set of frog ruins#like. maybe shes so guilt trippy about it because she wants to convince herself that all the blame can be put on aradia#and that if she voices her disapproval OF aradias actions then shes like. on record as being Right About The Situation#but ALSO if she is sooo magnanimous and forgiving about it then maybe nobody has to be punished for all of it (not even herself)#idk IDK. i just think its fascinating as a kanaya character moment especially as one of her earliest conversations
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his work motto prolly hhhhf (the "fuck amygdala, fuck azai" silently swings in his tone)
#saran; watching his baby project gone to shit after his death thanks to azai: fuck this and fuck that and fuck you specially#the true founder/boss decides on his own and he chooses mercy!! no more report punishments!!!!#amygdala stuff#also shows azai and saran many differences even if its just azais will being acted out through the ppl working for him right there#(the superior wanting vika to rewrite the entire report again and again and again)#azai who believes in strict punishments to get what he wants as fast as possible and make the ppl “below him” pay for their mistakes;#pay for not being what he wants (like saran had to pay with his life)#vs saran who believes in gentle discipline without pressure on the mind or body or putting himself in a higher position of power#his usual approach is to help vika without interfering or doing the work for him so he gets to learn and do things his own but#right there hes doing vikas punishment bc he doesnt see the purpose of it. it only leads to vika making more mistakes out of mental fatigue#the only purpose is to humiliate him and punish him for things he has little to no control over#in a bigger sense; saran wont allow azai to shape vika into something HE wants with punishments and force#wip#tbd#this turned into such a ramble oof
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#chatot#now this is the guy. this is the little man that deprives the hero & partner of food because they “failed to bring back the perfect apples”#even though they were literally fucking sabotaged. we all know punishment doesn't work and is a negative reinforcement but holy shit even i#the world of “punishments” not letting them EAT FOOD??? i kinda think that's genuinely cruel. and it made me despise this guy for a while#i think everyone's either in the camp of loving this guy and being a chatot apologist or like. hating him because he was unnecessarily hars#to the player and partner team. and always seemed to take team skull's side. i think he's a funny little guy but also yeah that was some#bullshit and i don't. trust him until he apologizes. he's a suck-up to the guildmaster and that's like. it. he's not a good father figure#even though the game seems to want him to be
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i think a big thing people get wrong w leafpool’s character is thinking her passivity comes from like fear or insecurity or being shy or something when really it comes from like. defeat. she’s been burned so many times so now she just accepts it there’s no point in fighting back
#learned helplessness#in tnp she’s very much like a rulebreaker and kind of a little shit lol#she likes going out on her own and making friends with cats from other clans and getting involved in things cuz she’s bored#she’s rebellious and craves having deep connections with others which is why being a medicine cat starts to weight on her and makes her#impulsively decide to run away with crow#esp because she’s also watching her best friend sorreltail grow up and move on. and she’s watching her sister grow up and move on#AND SHE FEELS STUCK SHES LIKE OH. BUT THIS IS IT FOR ME ISNT IT?#so she just reacts she needs to get away!! and then everything comes crashing down and she spends the rest of her life getting punished for#that choice#which slowly crushes her fire and teaches her that her desire for something ‘more’ was never going to work out#and she’s too tired to keep fighting so she accepts that#but she’s miserable about it and this misery makes her even more exhausted#so then she just kinda ends up numb#there’s no point!#SHES SO INTERESTING TO ME AAAAAUUUUGHHHHHHH it’s been so long since i’ve rambled about leafpool….. my girl……
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Karkat wanting to say to his kids that "AT YOUR AGE I WASN'T THIS DISRESPECTFUL" but stopping because Jade is looking deep into his eyes with a look that just says "You finish that sentence and i'm telling them EVERYTHING about how bad you we're as a teen" and shutting the fuck up
#his kids are a punishment from god (me) for being such a little shit when he was younger#homestuck#karkat vantas#jade harley#earth c au
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Oh god please no more movies where a stubborn child forces themselves to be in a dangerous situation after the adult that cares about them says no
#If the movie was more realistic. The child will fucking die#Jell tells shit#Movies at the top of my head#Fnaf. Sea Beast. M3gan. Megalodon 2#HTTYD did it right cuz Hiccup was cautious about handling Toothless. He has stakes that he takes in account#The rest of the kids tho. They're being little shits about not getting what they want#Turning Red is a LITTLE more reasonable than the rest#At least it shows that the kid is capable and it's clearly shown how controlling the mom was#Brave was literally about the consequences of forcing what you want without thinking about it and growing from it#I'm not saying punish when a kid is being stupid in media. All I'm saying is that they're way smarter than this
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*he spilled my cup of paint water all over everything idk why I said he spilled watercolors I just woke up girls
I literally walked away for two minutes tops to make coffee and came back to his ass sitting on this water color palette and my painting open after spilling my watercolor water all over it
Look at that face. He knows he did something wrong hahahha
#I really wish I had a pic of him just sitting on the watercolors bc it was hilarious#like he looked so innocent and cute and I just knew his was was covered in various colors hashahwhwha#but i was more concerned with the toxicity so my immediate reaction was to try to clean his paws the best I could#and research#it won’t cause any skin or gastrointestinal issues so we’re good thankfully#he will be fine don’t worry lmao it’s water based watercolors#gonna watch him close just in case#grabbed him asap and a wash cloth and took him to the sink#but yes to reiterate it’s NOT TOXIC AND HE IS FINE I PROMISE#also thank goodness I grabbed him immediately before he started prancing around on the white carpet bc I would be yelled at for weeks#u have four bloody scratches on my face but there are not rainbow foot prints all over the house and he is safe so I am fine with that#i**#they’re ^#the way cats attack you and think they’re being punished when you’re literally potentially trying to just save their life#or help them#like unhooking their claw from somethin their stuck too#and like I give a fuck about clothes as much as my cat but there’s paint all over my favorite robe too now hahah#legit thiught the red streaks on my face were watercolor hahahaha so I was like oh shit that blood#I’m not mad#after I found out it wasn’t toxic and that he didn’t step all over the wet carpets and that he was okay i laughed for like 15 minutes#I’m still laughing like… y’all ☠️#please excuse my voice I’m a little sick and I sound like a southerner ew#like why do i sound like someone’s Christian Baptist mother offering someone cookies#Queso#my cats#lmao
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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"Ugh! Ugh!"
#she's being a little shit @ her husband lmao#he doesn't get the dignity of death. he just gets to suffer for upsetting her. :)c#follows him as he crawls around like an abomination whilst he groans miserably: ugh! ugh!#the true way to punish reg is to just doing weird shit to him that eventually humbles him LOLOL#fallesto
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The pushback to the term "cultural Christianity" from atheists is real odd to me because, as someone who has been an atheist since 13, only ever went to church a handful of times never with my own family (made a note never to sleep over at that friends house on a Saturday again bc I HATED church it smelled like shit, was boring, pews are uncomfortable as fuck, and the religious people I knew were all wildly misogynistic and I've never been here for being told I was less of a person for being Born Like This), and generally had no actual connection to Christianity in a meaningful way but still only knows Christian mythology, has been steeped in Christian values I had to untangle, and my religious understandings are still deeply Christian.
Like Ive never paid attention to the bible, church, Jesus, Christian teachings, or whatever but if you asked me about any religion the one I'll reliably know the most about is Christianity. I don't know why atheists are offended by being called culturally Christian because they have bad blood with the religion because like sorry bruh that doesn't mean you're less indoctrinated by Christian values if the culture you grew up in is predominantly Christian. In fact I'd say that religion being this ubiquitous in the culture regardless of anyone's consent to exactly ONE religion being shoved down our throats is reason to team up with other religious folks who ALSO don't like being constantly evangelized to by the culture at large, not a reason to throw a fit because you don't like being tied to a religion that is so ingrained into the culture that shit like "oh my god" and "Jesus Christ" are common expressions of surprise regardless of how atheist you are. Like surely I'm not the only atheist to notice the shocking amount of cultural religious shit that works it's way into my life and speech despite having not set foot in a church since I was like 10, and I can't remember the last time I was in one before that.
Idk man cultural Christianity seems like a pretty damn useful term to describe my relationship with a religion I never fully bought into and then actively rejected as a child yet still hold weird connections to and knowledge of just because Christianity is so baked into the culture I grew up in like it or not. If you want to be mad, be mad at the Christians who stole your freedom from religion from you, not usually religious minorities who discuss cultural Christianity and how it damages them too.
#winters ramblings#like breh i HATE how much christian bullshit ive had to detangle from my life. like the idea of sin and punishment for example#id say a LOOOOOT of discussion regardless of religion leans towards a Christian understanding of the pridon system#prison is basically a recreation of hell on earth where youre supposed to go to burn off your sins in your 10x10 cell#now i gotta say not all Christians buy inti the styke of punishment and sin i know normal well adjusted Christians#but for the most part a HUGE portion of shit comes with a helping of cultural Christianity. but prison is probably the best example#hell any discussion of punishment relies on a distinctly christian flavor of 'atone for your sin or be doomed forever"#repubs bitch about so called cancel culture but thats just how Christians act towards sin lmao they do it too#except they choose shit you didnt ACTIVITY make a choice about like being gay to condem you to hell.#cant be mad that twitter cancels people for small shit like a crap joke if you actively subscribe to the same belief system#and are only mad bc that logic is applied to YOU now. anyway i could do without this logic in activist spaces#or ANY spaces being doomed forever over sin is only one way to do Christianity. like damn can the ones who like#rehabilitation and justice and helping the poor at least be the ones in charge??#regardless ive never been a Christian and barely have a meaningful connection to the religion. whuch is why i find it rather salient#that i still have this deep connection and knowledge of something i ACTIVELY REJECTED at 13#do you know HOW MUCH i had to have been indoctrinated into this shit with as LITTLE of a connection to organized religion as i do??#the fact i have ANY connection at all is kind if fucked honestly it shows you really REALLY do not get to choose#your religious leanings unless youre actively ANOTHER RELIGION BESIDES CHRISTIAN otherwise tough tiddy#you get to be Christian By Default and i don't like it either. but when i see jewish people talking about it#i know EXACTLY what they mean because i dont like my connection to a religion i never believed in and rejected at 13 either#i don't like that my choice to reject Christianity was stolen from me by such a ubiquitously christian culture#im not mad at jews for pointing this out im mad at christians for stealing my freedom of choice
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I need Americans that were never Christian™️ to realize that the average conservative cult christian's thoughts are basically that one episode of Spongebob where he gets elected Hall Monitor and gives a speech with "Crime and Punishment. Punishment and Crime"
#christians see themselves as the hall monitors of the earth essentially#and everyone needs to be punished and have their good noodle stars taken else they'll commit arson#they genuinely believe that as soon as you stop policing people they'll delve into their deepest darkest fantasies and start committing sins#that even Jesus Christ himself didn't think of#they come from the idea that they are the only group capable of keeping things steady until Sky Papa can make his way down and fuck shit up#So when you do something bad it's because you fell into the pull of destruction#But when they do it's the equivalent of stepping on your dog's foot because they almost tripped you#I still think it's funny a bunch of christians are creationist tho lmao skill issue#My grandparents are but my dad isn't#he believes evolution essentially occurred over the same time the earth was being created#and the story of adam being made from dust was a metaphor and literal#he was made from dust made from decomposing animals and plants which he used to create us as a more perfect being#so now we continue to evolve because we're connected to the dust and can continue to try to improve#so my dad believes in evolution and went to college for biology and chemistry at the biggest HBCU in the US#That evolution/creationist tangent was completely unrelated but all twitter is for me rn is ppl freaking out about our rights being taken#I avoid twitter most of the time but like to look at my friends' and fav artists' tweets#and recently I think little joel made a video about the evolution video that was trending so yea#n e ways have a nice day y'all <3#I've been wanting to make more hehe hahas but everything in my brain rn is Undergraduate Thesis level shit#so I haven't really been reading or writing things I can talk about on Tumblr.Com ya know?#most of it is sociological textbooks memoirs and similar stuff that Id feel talking about on my casual blog#maybe Ill make a blog. like Blog blog for my essays one day#ex christian#religious trauma
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hastily scribbling some notes on the bus and oops... this is drifting hard into degradation kink 👀
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reading about detention centres (australia) lowk pissed
[more shit in tags]
#first of all theres so much info they leave out#and theres shit thats outright wrong#and i doubt most of australia even knows about it :/#love the fact that they keep children in places similar to prison and make it sound like thats humane 🥰#'they came here illegaly' bitch dont punish them for that (if their country was safe they wouldnt do that)#not to mention that they seperate families (although this may be a specific case i need to ask more questions)#the places they are kept in are shitty as fuck#it looks like jail#i remember being little and the teacher was teaching us about this topic#and when she asked each of us if the humans in detention centres deserved it#everyone said yes#what#the#fuck?#im going to rb with photos brb#idk head not good at typing
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it happened so early in the morning and i am STILL frothing with rage over this text my boss sent me
#unreasonable unbelievable targeting me bullshit like what is your problem what is your PROBLEM#are you punishing me preemptively for telling you i'm going back to school? LOL? cuz sure That makes me wanna stay!#i am splitting so viciously on her right now and i can't even care to wish i wasn't#this was the last fucking straw mentally for me on Trusting This Boss#and i sure as shit can't trust the one above her#i am soooo mad i am so mad i am so mad i am so mad#i just want to be transferred out already and start part time work somewhere else NOW#if i can leave earlier i fucking will#i will be without insurance for a bit but i can try to get on some fast#i just. ooh! ooooh!!!! you little fucker!!!!!!!!#i cannot trust a single person in the front of the building anymore#and i have to sit next to my least favorite person in the back now#and i am just. utterly miserable right now i am Miserable at this job that isn't even as bad as it could be#but holy shit the petty condescending bullshit is driving me fucking up the wall#i can't look at any of them!!!! without feeling intense hatred!!!!#i have no social life outside of work and i can't talk to ANYONE there about this because it'd just find its way back to her!!!!#i can't tell HR because it's not that serious! except it's driving my mental health into a tailspin!#but i still can't tell anyone!!!!!!!! because what proof do i have that she's singling me out!#even tho she has NEVER FUCKING DONE THIS TO OR ABOUT OTHER PPL#i can't Prove that and i sure as shit can't sit down with her and talk to her about my feelings#no job is ever fucking safe to do that in#i just want to walk into a river honestly like i need work so i can pay for college but i wanna be in college already and be Out of here#i just wanna skip to the END of college when i'm actually able to be a nurse and i can feel less like the butt monkey at work#i hate hate HATE being at the bottom of the totem pole i am literally nothing there even though they need me to function#but oh my gd the Looks people give me when i walk in a room like they expect bad news or to be annoyed#sorry for asking questions! would you rather i fuck up and you have to clean up the mess?#i clean up everyone else's messes all day!#they ARE going to feel it when i am not there anymore#you'd think they wouldn't be such cunts to me now but Nope. nope! almost All cunts.#i am so fucking angry at my boss in particular though that text fucking triggered rage i haven't felt in months
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