#( and then i just KEPT FORGETTING TO ACTUALLY *WRITE* IT LMAOOO )

[shxwmaster]

MATHIAS SHAW'S HOME

Very few know where it is. It's very well hidden in one of the many nooks and crannies of Stormwind, only accessible if you know what specific shortcuts to take. So hidden, that some agents speculate whether he just lives in his office.

Those who do know: Renzik, Elling Trias, and the Wrynns ( it does not matter how much shaw serves turalyon, that bastard will not get personal shaw detail rights ) — these are the only people who have the privilege of sending things directly to his house, with Renzik being the only person allowed to physically show up at his house ( technically, the wrynns are too, but the likelihood of that happening is so very low he doesn't consider it. when the wrynns need him, HE goes to THEM )

This is not the same house he grew up in ( that house is long gone, after the ransacking of stormwind ), nor is it the same house he almost raised a family in ( after separating from edwin, pathonia and her favored assassins came in and emptied the house for him, all but dismantled it board by board so there was nothing left for him to lament over ). It's a one bedroom, basic little house with a second floor for an office and training space, and a yard for him to do what he pleases. It was commissioned shortly after he was coronated Spymaster.

To get there, it takes some weaving between the various ivory towers that border Old Town. Once you've found the correct opening — careful, it's a narrow squeeze, much easier to reach if you're shorter in stature — hug the wall and follow the path until your feet reach cobblestone. An opening appears; a humble grassy area, nestled nicely between ivory walls and unsuspecting buildings. Isolated. Protected. Plants line the sides of the cobblestone path leading to his front door ( on the left are plants often used in poisonous concoctions favored by rogues ; on the right are herbs often used in cooking and remedies ).

It's of your average Stormwinder architectural make. Nothing special. Some stones are arranged on its side in uneven layers; a closer inspection would yield the assumption that these are done on purpose, specifically, so Shaw may climb and scale the house to the roof with ease ( he likes to perch, to be above it all )

Entering the house, you are struck with the immediate scent of cinnamon and bay leaf tea. Often the house is cold; Shaw does not spend much time here, and has to nurse the fireplace. The living room is strikingly well furnished. Nearly everything is vintage; the rugs bear intricate patterns, the couches just as patterned, throw pillows with beautiful golden embroidery everywhere, throw blankets of various designs covering each couch and seat. The chandelier is an old fashioned make of candles. The picture frames are also old fashioned, each bearing various paintings of landscapes across Azeroth. There is a large piano at the side of the room, and the fireplace is bordered with stones and plants. A large book case is propped against the wall; a glimpse at the kitchen, and there is a table with one chair, the table cloth also bearing the same embroidered make. The entire living room is old fashioned.

It looks well kept, well decorated at first glance, doesn't it? But if you look carefully, you'll notice it's chaos; none of the couches and seats match. All of them divorced from their proper sets. The pillows and covers do not match in set either, each of different colors and different make. Every fashioned candle holder is different in color and make and date. The piano is dusty. It hasn't been touched in years ( mathias doesn't play piano. pathonia did. ). The rug does nothing to compliment any of the furniture or the color schemes happening; in fact, it runs a little too short than what an interior decorator would recommend for its placement. The bookcase has a broken leg, and is propped up by two textbooks about poisons.

The house is decorated by a man who knows nothing of the sort.

The thing is; he didn't choose any of these. Not really. These gaudy, embroidered, old fashioned, vintage, dark-academia-cottagecore-esque furnishings all used to belong to Pathonia. When she passed, she had a grotesque amount of belongings and no place to put them. What's in his house now are the things he handpicked from her stuff and shoved into his living room. Favorite pillows, favorite seats, favorite candles — so yeah, nothing really matches. The sheer clutter of it all makes it look like the house is well decorated, but it's an illusion. It's all just noise.

Aside from the chaos, he at least keeps the place well cleaned and organized.

Look to the walls, though. The staircase, even. All the wooden doorways, and the wooden railings of the staircase have been whittled and carved and sculpted into. On the doorways, unfinished carvings of flocks of birds. Eagles whittled in the railings, trailing up halfway before disappearing into unfinished shreds. Aimless. The carvings of birds overlap each other, as if the carver had run out of space and simply decided to carve more on top of what was already there. Even the coffee table has been whittled at its legs, though it looks to have been abandoned since one leg became uneven. All of it done by a man who seemed to have gotten bored, and took a knife without care or regard and just began cutting into every corner of the house he could get his hands on.

Everything in his kitchen is well organized and labeled clearly. Color coded. He has a gaudy old teapot that's seen better days. The utensils all come from different sets. When he has time, he cooks for himself. He likes those days. He doesn't always have time.

Upstairs, the decorations get a little less gaudy. He's running out of all the pillows and cloths and tapestries and candles to put up. His office is mostly bare, save for several potted succulents and another bookshelf ( this one, less dusty than the living room one ; he actually reads these books ). His bedroom is the plainest. A full size bed, white sheets, blue blankets. Two humble pillows. Generic nightstand. Generic wardrobe. His normal clothes that aren't armored leathers, uniforms, stealth gear, tactical gear, belts and satchels filled with weapons, have an autumn feel to them. Browns, olives, greys and dark blues. He favors turtlenecks and khakis and big coats.

Room decor is bare. There is a small, small framed picture ( yes, one of those old, gaudy ones from dear old patty ) of an old sketch of a little girl with charcoal black hair. No more than five years old. It's Shaw's drawing, unfinished, but all the important details are there. Her little smile. Her big cheeks. Her little bandana. A sketch is all he has; cameras didn't really come around until Year 28 after all. It's all he has of Ness.

This is Shaw's house. He doesn't spend too much time here. When it rains, he keeps all the curtains open to watch it. He sleeps on the couches more often than not. He carves on the wood when he gets antsy. And if he's lucky, he'll hear a meow outside, and find the tortoise shell stray cat he dubbed Tea Kettle that he likes to feed now and then. Sometimes he lets it inside. He can't have pets. She can't stay. He can't give her a home. But he still feeds her. And sometimes, she sleeps on one of the ugly throw pillows beside him on the couch.

[redrose-arrow]

RedRose (re)reads: The Icebound Land

“aka the book that i dreaded so, so much

~~~

The storm has a chokehold on me. that’s it. it does. 

‘Believe you are unseen and it will be so’ I have won at least one round of hide and seek with that, no joke. 

‘Halt and his colleagues’ makes it seem like he has a 9-5 desk job lmaoo. 

HE HAD A PROMISE TO KEEP. 

Unrelated but Foldar is described as a dandy and some of my literature teachers kept talking about dandies in class so now I’m thinking of Foldar writing and reciting poetry. 

I wish we would hear the phrase ‘King’s Ranger’ more often tbh. 

I love it so much when they refer to Rangers’ black magic. 

Ironic that Halt steps out an oak tree, huh? 

‘Worse than that, they’ve wasted my time.’ yes they did :(((((

Lowkey mad over the fact that the first time in this series that we actually get to see Crowley, it’s him telling Halt no. 

Ngl this scene hits harder if you’ve already read The Early Years and know how good friends Halt and Crowley really are. 

I forgot about this scene tbh and right now it’s just adding to why I don’t like rereading this book. 

Throwback to when I took “For over twenty years, halt had been one of the King’s closest confidants, with constant, unquestioned access to the royal chambers” and ran straight into the HaltxDuncan ship with it. No regrets. 

Thinking about that ^ helps me cope with the pain of reading that Duncan refuses to see Halt. Also that means that Duncan and Crowley talked about the situation??? Maybe Crowley tried to get Halt out but Duncan (ngl, rightly so) didn’t let him. Or maybe the other way around. I don’t care what it was, but it was painful. Someone write me some fanfiction, please. 

PLEASE HALT DO NOT CHANGE DUNCAN’S MIND. PLEASE DON’T DO THAT TO YOURSELF OR TO HIM OR TO ANYONE ELSE. OR TO ME. DON’T DO THAT TO ME. 

It truly shows how bad Will’s geography is, huh? “Is this Skandia?” Sure... 

“Just like old times” lmao Evanlyn’s humour is lowkey on point. 

I, for one, think it’s lowkey pretty cute how fond Erak is of the two. 

I do NOT want to read the tavern scene. I don’t. 

“For a fleeting moment, he thought he saw a flash of satisfaction in the other man’s expression, but he dismissed thethought as ridiculous.” Thanks, I hate it. 

Will: “If Evanlyn weren’t here, life wouldn’t be worth living.” Also Will: “I am going running to stay in shape!” Why does he literally have more motivation to stay in shape than me lmaooo rip. 

“Never give up because, if an opportunity arises, you have to be ready to take it.” i c o n i c 

I lowkey appreciate that at first, it seems like Evanlyn gave up, but then it turns out she’s actually more cunning than expected. Dare I say, Queen material? 

“Because I’m his daughter.” why why WHY doesn’t this sentence have as much of a grip on this fandom as it should??? 

“And I’m sorry if I’ve been behavinglike a bit of a princess over the past few days.” I love her so much. 

I also don’t want to read the throne room scene. I don’t. It’s already been scarred into my soul. 

Why is Duncan’s throne made of oak, why are there oak trees and oak leaves everywhere in Araluen????????? I have questions. 

Okay to be really really honest, when Anthony began reading the charges and someone sighed, I laughed. Arald and Crowley are so done with Halt but this time it’s not funny. I am coping. 

Okay but I do not appreciate what Halt is putting Duncan through. That King is going through a tough time and I get it but also,,,, no. 

Duncan deserves so much more appreciation for coming up with the idea to banish Halt for one year only. I love that man. 

Arald is grinning so widely omg I love him too.

Crowley is hiding his grin in his cloak. More love. 

Sometimes I forget that Will is such a social person. Why is he making small-talk with his captors??

Okay but Svengal has a point - why doesn’t Will know about the tide? 

Or maybe I am stupid and Will does know but he’s just striking up conversation. 

SINCE WHEN DOES SVENGAL HAVE BEARD? My toxic trait is being surprised every time a character is said to have a beard. 

I love that Erak is getting a sense of what Will’s doing. He deserves more appreciation. 

I’m at page 60 and have so many notes already omg. 

Halt surrendering his Oakleaf has NO business being so so heartbreaking. 

The fact that Gilan is the only one Halt explicitly admits his plans to >>>

STRANGELY, SOME OF THEM TASTED LIKE SALT. <<<<<<<<<<<

I am excited for Slagor because at least this will be entertaining rather than sad. 

“He had no idea what a Vallasvow might be but he knew one thing. Keeping Evanlyn’s identity a secret had suddenly become a matter of life and death.” hhhhhhh I remember how invested I was in this. Still am, ngl. 

If I hear one more person on TikTok say that Horace is either stupid, dumb, or both, I will hit this chapter into their face. Horace hearing of Halt’s arrest and instantly knowing what’s up is just,,,,, I love it. 

Horace really just went into Rodney’s office and said “I’m joining Halt into his banishment to find Will. Goodbye.” What an icon. 

I think it makes sense that Will always continues to call Cassandra Evanlyn, because he is here literally killing himself over not accidentally saying her real name lest she be killed. 

The slander of Eraks’ stealth starts here and I, too, am here for it. 

Erak is lowkey one of the first feminists and no I will not elaborate, just read this book. 

So about the girls and skirts scene - it literally says Halt is talking nonsense and still all of us initially took the explanation and, well, ran with it. I love that for us. I also wonder when exactly between now and the Clonmel mission Horace will realise that it’s nonsense. 

If Halt was allowed one actual, explicit swear word, maybe him seeing the “knight” in Gallica could be it, because I think that that’d be funny. 

On another note: if the movie / television show / whatever, ever, EVER, makes Will and Evanlyn kiss, I will personally come for them. 

I forgot that it wasn’t Halt who put Horace up to the task of dealing with all those knights, it was Horace who volunteered. Once again, an icon. 

“A child could take it from him.” Because Horace is most definitely not a child. No. 

adkjfdksj Order of the Oak Pancake will never get old, will it? 

Did I say I love Erak already? No? Because I do. 

Oh I forgot about the keg-head-knife scene, but it’s so good. 

Aaaahahahahahaha and then they were officially enslaved and I was definitely not about to lose my mind over this. 

What do you mean, an inconsistency with the coffee and the honey? I only see Halt pulling Horace’s leg. /s

If the musician entertainment scene never makes it to the big screen, that will actually be good for the environment because it will save a lot of tissues from being needed. 

Okay but why does everyone have a beard. I don’t think this issue’s on me anymore, it is suspicious how practically every man in this book has a beard. How dare they. 

“I am Deparnieux.” “Good for you.” Oh I love it when Horace’s teenage self comes out. Good for him. 

OAK BEAMS?????? WHY THE OAK BEAMS

That being said, I do think it’s lowkey iconic that Halt just straight up shoots that glove out of the air. 

Not the paddles not the paddles not the paddles

Okay cool now I am also cold and just generally not having a good time. 

I forgot that Erak is the honorary “pay your taxes or I’ll hit you on your head even harder” lmaooo, he’s having a good time. 

I genuinely think that one of the best moments in this book is when Erak recognises Will. It’s heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time and it says so much about how deep Will has sunken, but also about how much Erak is growing. 

“He was no longer whistling.” Another strong sentence that should receive more attention :(. 

“Somehow, she didn’t think Erak paid cash for this.” Now why would you think that??? 

I love how angry Erak gets at the drugs. 

This book literally takes forever. 

Can we please talk about Halt during his private confrontation with Deparnieux, and the cook? I actually respect that so much. 

Erak should’ve been an actor, I’m calling it. 

If we never get a movie or tv-show I will be fine with that because I don’t think I will ever be ready to watch Will’s addiction meltdowns. 

I am deeply, deeply in love with the “Well, it isn’t much, but it’s home” parallel. 

I think it’s kinda funny that somehow, wherever they go, be it Gallica or Arrida, they have better coffee than in Araluen lmao. 

Deparnieux getting scared when he notices Halt’s satisfaction is top tier. 

Actually just the whole lead-up to that, the entire scene, is top tier. 

Oh yes, I forgot about Halt addressing his royal lineage!!!! I loved dissecting that lmao, to see how much he did or did not lie. 

Poor Horace, having a front row seat to Halt’s disregard of the rules of chivalry, lmao. 

“Halt had chosen two of his role models in Rodney and the Baron.” I love how much Horace looks up to those knights <3. 

I’m sorry but how was it allowed to publish “Philemon shook his head. This was phenomenal luck!” Philemon has phenomenal luck? My head aches. 

Wait since when does Evanlyn have two male cousins??? And what happens to them by the time we come to Duel at Araluen??? 

When Will woke up, I realised a breathe I didn’t know I’d been holding. It’s true. 

Ah yes, Halt also likes setting things on fire.

Okay so I have to admit, this book had more not-incredibly-sad moments than I remembered, but I will still not reread this book anytime soon if I can help it. 

[evilwickedme]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you for tagging me <3

How many works do you have on ao3?

69 lmaooo

what’s your total ao3 word count?

407,178 which is. A lot

What fandoms do you write for?

My current main fandoms are DC comics and marvel comics, but I've also been writing a lil btvs. Historically I've written a fuckton of Harry Potter, The Witcher (TV), a decent amount of leverage and daredevil (TV), the raven cycle, all for the game, and a few other fics in some random fandoms

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

before we get married, I need to get permission from batman; hang on til the chaos is through; in which an entire university becomes far too involved in Pankratz and Vengerberg's love life; This is all just HR paperwork waiting to happen; and The Sound Of My Own Voice (Asking You To Stay)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to every single comment, with exactly one exception, that absolutely haunts me. The person just kept replying to me no matter what I said and I couldn't make them stop

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending

Mornings, for sure. One of my first ever spideypool fics back from 2016. Peter dies at the end. know we're not together (but I won't forget you) is a close second though

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh I don't know, I have a lot of happy endings but they usually follow a fuckton of angst. Maybe in which the daily planet staff are 100% convinced that the kent-lanes are fucking superman, but I wouldn't call that a traditional ending

Do you get hate on fics?

Nah, although I've had some unnecessarily harsh public bookmarks

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh yeah. My first ever smut sucked but then I wrote so much in 2021 for the witcher that I actually got pretty good at it, or at least as mlm sex. I have some body dysmorphia issues around vaginas and I never feel like I write that well. Anyway I tend to go for excessively sweet or incredibly kinky and borderline unhealthy fics

Do you write crossovers?

Only the buffy/jason fic, unless you count daredevil tv and marvel comics or itsv and marvel comics to be crossovers

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as I know

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!! It's incomplete unlike the original fic but someone translated most of I'm a mess (but I'm the mess that you wanted) into Russian. This wasn't the question but @flowerparrish also podficced the first chapter of my jaybuffy fic!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes but I removed it from my page following an extremely brutal and somewhat traumatizing fight with some of the people I was cowriting it with

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Mmmm I don't know, that's a good question. For a long time I would've answered jily. Spideypool is probably the main contender now, although spuffy could give it a run for its money - despite the fact that I've only written one fic for them (and implied them in my jaybuffy fic), I've adored them since I was 13, which is. Over 12 years ago fuck

What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Mmm I'm always hoping I'll finish my wips, but the ones I doubt the most are my yennskier fic (no progress in over a year), my literati fic (although I did make some progress about a month ago), and I don't plan on going back to my drarry Hogwarts professor au for obvious reasons

Edit: OH ALSO the Witcher s2 outsider pov is never ever getting finished I'm sorry I know I promised it to a lot of people in the comments but it's not gonna happen

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and characterizations imo

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions my fucking God I struggle so much with them

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm fluent in Hebrew and my first ever fic was in Hebrew, so if that came up I'd feel pretty comfortable with it. Anything else I'd have to approach someone who spoke the language, and I'd rather just write it in English and say it was in the other languages

First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter and again, it was in Hebrew. I recently described what it was about to a group of friends who called it, and I quote, "adorable". I was ten or eleven at the time and I do not plan on reposting it.

Favorite fic you’ve written?

That's a toughie. I think probably I'm a mess (but I'm the mess that you wanted), but Under the Pink Hood, Of Three Times Lily Evans Changed Her Mind About James Potter, and know we're not together (but I won't forget you) are all honorable mentions

I'm not a tagger - I usually don't even participate in these kinds of posts - but I guess @not-the-blue @supergirlboy @penny-anna and any other mutual or even follower are invited to participate if you wanna

[katierosefun]

18, 20, 49? :)

thank you for the ask, anon! // from this ask game

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

so my thing is that i don't really ever consider a wip abandoned--even if it's been like. years since i've last updated, i just always consider it as either on brief hiatus/me-needing-to-get-over-myself-and-just-post-the-goddamn-ending, no matter how perfectionistic i get.

but i suppose that probably addresses the second half of the question: while i don't consider any of my wips abandoned, i will say that the wips that are taking considerably longer to finish are . . . taking so long to finish precisely because i think i tend to just scare myself into thinking "oh god, the ending is never going to be as good as i want it to be", and so i wind up writing circles around what i think the ending should be, or i wind up re-writing the ending like ten times. i know that happened to me personally with when that day comes--i just kept getting angrier and angrier about how i didn't seem to write the perfect ending i wanted, in terms that i felt like the emotion didn't match with what i wanted to execute.

but like, also? i think i'm trying to teach myself to just stop worrying about the perfect ending. (and also. it's always personally satisfying for me when i notice that someone bookmarked a story of mine as "abandoned", and then i wind up updating/completing the story anyways . . . maybe kind of petty/characteristically ugly of me, but i like to feel like yelling "HA! see? don't make assumptions!")

(actually, on an unrelated note: i do hope that people are aware that authors can see the notes that folks leave in the bookmarks , , , sometimes the notes are incredibly kind, but i'll always remember that one person who left a bookmark that was like "3/5 stars" on one of my fics and i was like '??? okay, i suppose it's fair to have a rating system, but i didn't need to....know that????' lol)

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

probably read all the books beside your bed. i can't really think of an explanation why, but i sort of wish i wrote a stronger ending :/

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

lmaooo it was actually a pjo fic . . . like, when i was 13 or so (or maybe older? i forget), i was getting really excited about son of neptune coming out, so i was on my sily ipod touch, looking up for more info . . . and then i see a fanfiction dot net page that's like "son of neptune", and so i immediately click on it, thinking that it's. like. a leaked sneak peek of son of neptune (LISTEN I WAS THIRTEEN , , , and the fanfiction dot net mobile page was literally nothing but a blank white page + text. no web design or anything!)

i remember actually being quite invested--like, quietly going "omg is this legal for me to read this much of a preview?" and then i hit the author's note and realized, ohhhhhh....that explains a lot

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok first things first your Kaiser comment is really hilarious what the hell was ness thinking with that cut?????

LMAOO you’ve got this!! But honestly reading work that’s written with motivation and care is soooo much better than reading something forced so don’t sweat it too much! I sure everyone understands that writing actually takes quite a bit of effort and time and thinking and that reading your quality work will be so worth it (insert the head nod emoji here because I can’t find it fast enough) nagi vibes are so real though but trust your five shot revolver volley (or something like that name) moment coming soon

Yeahhhh idk the only conflict that really comes to mind is “aw shit I’m gonna be fired”/“im not paid enough for this shit” LMAOOO I guess that’s also the reason why a lot of fics I’ve seen are also set outside of the main events of bllk! Like usually when they’re already pro etc or for some characters who have enough backstory details about their stories before bllk then it’s set pre-bllk!

Hair down zantetsu>>>> I was actually shocked when I saw that scene of him in the movie like zantetsu pls let down your hair and take off your goggles we know you don’t need them….

The way you just so accurately described the entire Ubers dynamic LMAOO I also could not care less about sendou soooooo but it’s giving me the same vibes as the colored scene of them all helping Barou dye his hair I love the Ubers dynamic…I bet it working out gives aiku such an ego boost and he’s probably all like “see I’m right you all just don’t get bitches” completely forgetting that Niko is 15 and these are also soccer losers

Nooo because the few times I have to trek into Reddit territory to find a chapter link or something I see the dudebros collectively hating on him or using the fact that his parents trained him since he was young to try and minimize/discredit his “feats” (as they say in dudebro land)

White butterfly is just tear inducing LMAO that scene has me in my feels like bro…..the first thing he does after he goes pro and makes money is builds his childhood friend/love’s dream house SHSGSHS goodbye.

PLS you’re always on the grind omg that’s actually crazy LOL but no I think the whole fandom needs to be wiped and then shown seabird so they can ingrain this version of saw into their brains…maybe that’s the strat…right as s2 comes out we blast fwtkac bfb and lowk just your masterlist so people go “OHHHH that’s how they are” and the fanon version establishes itself as a much more accurate (imo) version that it otherwise would’ve…

AIKU WINGMEN SERIES GUYS WE WON based on what we’ve talked about this already sounds like sm fun to read I will most definitely be at the launch party…also SAE that’s crazy I lowk forgot they were on the same team for u20 for a sec but now that I realize it that makes sense LMAO

LMAOOO you’d have your own fwtkac moment where you get shown on the jumbotron and then have edits made of you and I’ll be scrolling through tiktok like guys that’s Mira…I know her lore..!!!

NOO YOU DESERVE IT honestly your writing output is some of the best I’ve seen in a while so idk what you’re talking about LOL Curious to see what even you decide on though!! I’ve seen some cute ones with like themed codes and whatnot from other writers before too so I bet your take will be fire!

- Karasu anon

no because ACTUALLY like bro was clearly not destined to be a barber 😭 honestly kaiser’s hair pre-cut when it was all shaggy and gold was rlly gorgeous i would like him more if he kept it like that or if he just tied it back or smth ☝🏻 but instead we got…wtvr the fuck he has going on 😰

HEHE no because i even have in my rules that i’ll probably take a while to respond and might ignore requests so people know what they’re getting into to but that doesn’t stop me from feeling bad yk?? sadly i am a chronic people pleaser 😓 but anyways YESS super goal coming up soon 🤭 jkjk i think the next ones are going to be short and simple because of the nature of the request so don’t expect any long ones for a bit!! but then again yk me so we’ll see (although tbf most of my requests have stayed generally within projected wc ranges the only ones to escape containment were seabird and the third part of fwtkac)

literally like it would def be a lot more comedic than anything but i save my comedy for the one shots longfics are angst ONLY /j also wait idk if you saw the most recent jjk leaks but i think i canonically killed off more characters in pomegranate ink than gege did in jjk which is CRAZYYY like i thought i was being fairly lenient 😭

hair down zantetsu is literally every shoujo male lead i need a fic where reo gives him a makeover or smth so he can truly shine LMAOAO i just know reo would have sm fun w that too

aiku’s like “all in a day’s work 🙂‍↕️😌” once barou gets a gf and then he thinks being a wingman is so fun that he tries to set up his other teammates w girls but lorenzo scares all of them away, aryu is uhh aryu and sendou is doing fine on his own so his only option is niko but niko is so introverted that he HATES “big bro aiku” helping out LMAOAOA like aiku becomes one of these rlly pushy uncles who goes up to every girl and is like “look at my nephew isn’t he so handsome” meanwhile niko is DYING of embarrassment…eventually mommy barou has to step in and tell aiku to leave niko alone 😭

on the one hand i get it because hiori is sometimes very overhyped in the sense that compared to charles and sae (and honestly even reo) he’s not the BEST midfielder oat in bllk but charles is considered a prodigy by even loki, sae is a ng11, and reo is canonically perfect so that’s not even saying much + he’s only really been active/awakened since the ubers game so with time he’ll probably improve!! he’s another one of those characters where there’s very few people who see the medium and don’t glaze him but don’t hate him either ykwim

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYINGGG IT’S DISGUSTING like wdym you finally became rich and famous and instead of reaping the benefits you move back to a random town in the middle of nowhere and build a house for a girl who doesn’t even live there anymore just because you loved her so much?? in a way i think that even if reader had moved on or never came back just having that house was how hiori affirmed to the world that he loved her if that makes sense…like it was as much a confession to her as it was him making it clear to everyone that he wouldn’t ever be taken from her again if she still wanted him 😭 bitches when reader wanted to be a bird so she could fly everywhere but instead of being a bird with her and staying by her side like he wanted to hiori realized she needed a field (a home) to come back to so he just settled down and waited for her until she did because he loved her enough not to find her when he didn’t know if she wanted to be found 😭😓😫 i’m bitches fr

LMAAOAOO the grind is too real but omg i will be so happy if bfb freaky friday fwtkac loserboys karasu and otoya become fanon even though they’re already being written mostly as fboys in other works 😩 like okay ykw i even get otoya but wdym karasu is a player 😕 my man would NEVER have a one night stand he’s way too sensitive and gentle for that

AIKU WINGMAN SERIES INDEED OMG i’m so hype the for the barou and otoya versions especially because i already have ideas for them…i think the sae one is just going to be aiku being like “bro you’re in love with her” and sae’s like “no 😒” and it just goes on and on until sae is like “oh shit i AM in love with her” LMAOAO still pondering what i’ll do for karasu yukimiya and nagi but trust it will happen and it’ll be funny

LMAOOO MIRA EDITS i’ll be in my fwtkac era but without the crow 🙁 no soccer player irl could compare to karasu 💔 it’ll just be five ways to kill a soccer player which is nowhere near as fun and exciting…oh well we sacrifice what we must

AHAHA THANK YOU SMMM i meant more that i only post fics 5% of the time the rest is me dropping random thoughts answering asks chatting w people and reblogging fanart so people who follow me off of my fics are probably like WTF KSJSKKS okay wait hear me out a bird theme could lowkey go crazy…considering i am a #birdstan…anyways we’ll see there’s still a bit until I reach that point!! although ngl it might be faster if i actually post requests 😭

[yawnflrtz]

I was so hesitant to read this because it's the only one of the collab I haven't yet, and yeonjun's hasn't been published as far as I know, but oh my goodness gracious do I regret not reading it sooner????

everything about this fix has such raw emotion in it, I have no idea how people can write like this it's so???? beautiful???? everything about it was perfect, from the characters to the dialogue to lore 😭 I could imagine everything so vividly it felt like watching a movie but so much better, I'm actually heartbroken I finished it

Soobin's character makes me cry because he's so sweet :( he was battling demons from the beginning, just to lose his father in the war. I can't even imagine what that must have felt like, even if he is fictional. I know I'd turn out just like him 😭 I swear I broke into tears when he left yn at the beach without saying anything after using them like that, it was disgusting and made stomach churn and everything I was so mad 😭😭😭 poor baby soob 😞 I wonder if he was possessed by his father or something or if the grief just hit him that hard "I'm spending time with my father" THE TEARS THAT FELL OUT OF MY EYES. OCEANS, RIVERS, LAKES. I was gushing bro it's so not funny. The fact he trusted yn enough to let them take him into the ocean even if they were grown up compared to him my heart 💔💔💔 cannot handle 💔💔💔 that confession scene after 😭 I found it so odd from the beginning how he'd just let yn say those things without getting hurt or angry, he was so understanding even in the beginning, I fully expected him to yell back but he offered her cake??? even at the end he just took it (which is much more understandable because he's an adult but 10 yr old him THREW ME OFFFF) hahahaha the kiss 🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎 the kiss scenes in all of these are so good wth. Taehyun behind the waterfall??? Beomgyu infront of mother nature??? and now Soobin in the horse stable LMAOOO

Y/n's character was so odd but so relatable??? they literally made absolutely no sense throughout this whole fic but perfect sense at the same time. Like at the beginning, when they fought with Soobin for not being petty, and in the middle when they were annoyed by Soobin asking why people don't just stop fighting. They definitely seem like a pessimist, which is what makes their dynamic with Soobin—who's way more optimistic—so perfect??? Soobin brings out the good side in them and it's absolutely adorable. That scene where he left them at the beach HURT LIKE HECK especially seeing it from y/n's pov. Broke my heart in two them crushed it into powder. And when he told them they're not welcome at the palace anymore?? yikes 💀 They're stronger than me fr I would've burst into tears on the spot. Just having to go from him being your best friend to having him shun you and use him for his own gain as well as now having to refer to him as "your highness" would've been enough for me to just shrivel up and die 😭 I could not deal. I'm so glad that you didn't just accept Soobin's apology at the end and let him know he still has to regain their trust. I feel like they always just dust it under the rug and forget about it no matter what they've done and it's so messed up??? no matter what state of mind he was in, he hurt yn practically beyond healing and nothing excuses that. I'm still glad they made up at the end though 😞😞😞

AS FOR YEONJUN HEJSISJS he's so mysterious and glorious 😊 at the time that I'm reading this, concept pictures came out with him having orange hair and some blonde highlights and it makes his hair look like fire, so I kept imagining it reading this and it fits so well???? I find it so weird that he doesn't want to avenge his father like Soobin does, because stereotypically they're the exact opposite. I really wanted to see how he'd react to yn telling him all this at the end but 😭 I find his character so interesting in this and even though he wasn't even in here I could not get my mind off him (maybe I'm obsessed who knows) but the ending was still so sweet, especially with the tradition of the cake with strawberries and whipped cream it's so cute :(

This fic is glorious, it could part water, end world hunger, fix all our social issues and run for president. I'm honestly sad I didn't pay to read this I feel like I'm on Tumblr premium 😭 it was so beautifully written as were all the fics in this collab ‼️‼️‼️ I don't really know what to do with myself now that I've finished it, my heart is heavy but it's also full because these are so sweet 😞 They definitely deserve more recognition than they got because these interactions are criminally low for something as amazing as this. I hope more people will read these :(( thank you author for sharing this masterpiece with us I'm actually emotional

eclipse rising

❝ if you keep going down this path, you’re going to die, soobin. ❞

PAIRING ▸ choi soobin x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ fantasy, fluff, angst, royal au, elemental prince au, friends to enemies to lovers

WARNINGS ▸ soobin’s the water prince but he’s scared of water, mentions of character death, mentions of war, soobin becomes a dick for a while, one makeout scene, ft. elf prince park sunghoon

SUMMARY ▸ chaos was a ladder and its rungs were slick with blood. if you couldn’t save soobin, he was bound to fall.

PLAYLIST ▸ can’t you see me by txt • where’s my love - alternate version by syml

WORD COUNT ▸ 11283 words

TAG LIST ▸ @shiningstar-byulxx​ @jjuniefiles​ @wintermer​​ @ladynightmareii​​ @yeonjxnnie @mcu-incorrect​​ @sooshibot​​ @hyukacity 

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ hello !! i apologize for the wait but (finally) here’s my piece for @soobmint​​’s ‘the five princes’ collab! my storyline is going to be connected with @honeyju​​’s yeonjun piece! please check out the other author’s installments and i hope you enjoy !! ♡

FROM THE MOMENT YOU MET HIM, CHOI SOOBIN REMINDED YOU OF THE SEA.

The more time you spent understanding the infinite blue, the more you realized how unpredictable it truly was. One moment its waves could be a gentle wash over the shore, and the next it could be a strong current of water crashing against the rocks. Rough storms often angered the tides, the strong current sweeping away anything that would lay in its wake.

Yet, despite all that, the sea was the most beautiful sight to behold.

The Kingdom of Nymphe resided by the sea, so you had grown up observing its mysteries and wonders. Most children were born with a power based on their element. Yours was hydromancy, the ability to utilize water and see visions or insights of time. Thus, you weren’t expected to train like most elementalists. However, you longed to train alongside the other children at the shoreline, but the most you could do was observe their abilities. Water generation and aquatic breathing were relatively common amongst most kids, but you quickly learned that your ability was on another level.

Being born into nobility and having such a unique gift drew a lot of attention to your powers. Your parents were the Duke and Duchess of Nymphe, so you were expected to uphold expectations that exceeded far beyond what a normal elementalist was asked of. From a young age, your training was separate from the other children. Thus, you were distant from the other Nymphians (as the citizens of Nymphe were often called). Instead, you were individually trained by experts in divination and clairvoyance as no one had seen powers like yours before.

On top of that, it became your duty to befriend the crown prince, Choi Soobin.

Keep reading

[lqfiles]

oh he fell HARD for sure KSNDKSJDS the downbadism is real and i love that for him🫶🏻 i think i'm gonna read stg again, just so i can witness their awkward stages again. it was painfully cute but i love seeing jisung slowly warming up to her and eventually becomes a full blown crush

huhh are we gonna get another jisung vs mark 2.0?👀 hyuck vs mark LMAOOO poor mark, everyone seems to have some kind of beef with him😂

sooooo real like the tension is thick, it’s only a matter of time before they make out 👀 i love me a good angry kiss tbh, that’s so hot and so haechan

omg yess angry kiss is so haechan fr😌 ALSOOO THE NEW CHAPTER OMG????? WHY IS HE LIKE THIS PLS.... HE'S BEING INSUFFERABLY CLINGY I CAN'T HANDLE THIS😭😭 not him thinking about her before he started drinking tho👀 tipsy haechan is DANGEROUS fr. he was being so bold too leaning in for a kiss oh god and he kept trying to hold her hand #?%*!(?!?*#?%! AND Y/N WILLINGLY WENT INSIDE HIS APARTMENT??? THE TENSION GOT ME LIKE

i'm dying to know what haechan's reaction gonna be like bc i don't think he was drunk enough to forget the things he did. I KINDA HAVE AN INKLING THO, i feel like y/n is gonna ignore him from then on, avoiding hyuck at all cost, not even a stfu or kys text when he plays guitar at night. and then hyuck at first is gonna keep annoying her, even taking it up a notch, but when he got no reaction whatsoever he's gonna be like "why are you ignoring me" KWJFKSNFKS anyways i can't wait for the next chapter aaaaaaa

OMGGG plsss they’re the cutest, also if you reread pls lmk if the process was smooth, i still feel like the process of him getting a crush on here was so sudden so 😓

me if making mark the unofficial second lead that the main member feels threatened by was a crime: 🚓🚨 you already read the new chap so YASS they DID kiss, not the angry kiss but it’s their first stage.. relationships are changing from here on.. PLSSS i wanted to make haechan a clingy affectionate drunk type so if throws y/n off and then he’s gonna go back to his asshole ish self which is gonna throw y/n off even MORE because wdym you kissed me last night but now call me annoying?? THE TENSION WAS THIICKKKKK and the only reason y/n went in was because she reallyyyy wanted to sleep but at the end it was useless because.. yeah

HSKDHSKDJSK AM I THAT PREDICTABLE RHAT YOU JUST KNOW MY PLOT ALREADY OMG… you’re not wrong omg why did you actually get my plot right stop 😭😭😭😭😭 i’m currently writing the next chapter so YOU WILL SEE

[kuiinncedes]

i fucking messed up the lyric for “don’t you” lmaooooo

[latimeria-fell-from-heaven]

Thank u for sharing ur lovely writing with us ❤️ As a thanks I wanna share some Mlynar brainworms: I think he’d be kinda rough and into choking. Probably quickies too, since he’s a busy man. He’s old and jaded but fucking him might cheer him up

#OFFICE AFTER-HOURS

feat. młynar x doctor!reader

lati. awww you're welcome nonnie!! i'm really happey to hear that, and thank you for the mlynar crumbs, my horny ass needed an excuse to write for him lmaooo,,

okay but like yes?? poor młynar has been overworked to hell and back, so he definitely has some pent-up aggression and frustration in him that he seriously needs to get out. and what better way to get rid of his stress and anger than to fuck it out?

he's so damn big, like it's actually unreal. it's enough of a struggle trying to suck him off bc he's just stretching your lips and triggering your gag reflex. he has a nice girth that stretches you plenty, and he's pretty long too, so he can fuck your deepest parts with ease.

młynar cums so much too, like your belly is all full and heavy by the time he's done fucking out his stress. he cums in thick, sticky globs that dribbles out when he pulls his big cock from your abused hole. and he has a nice set of heavy breeder balls that smack against your skin every time he fucks you silly. it is a mess to clean up though, so he often has to help you clean yourself up since you're always fucked-out afterwards.

first time he slipped inside, you kept sobbing that he was going to tear you open bc of how thick and long he is. młynar does seem like he'd be a bit of a worrier, but feeling the way your hot walls envelop and suck him in just sends him over the edge. but he does make the effort of at least asking you if you're alright, though he doesn't know if moans and cries count as an answer.

but once you finally get used to his size, it's basically just a damn fuckfest with you two at that point. he can be as rough as he wants bc it's the least he deserves, and you're not stopping him bc it's probably the best sex you've had in a damn good while.

then again, he's always rough whenever you two have your little meetups late at night, with no one to see how he wraps one hand around your pretty little neck and squeezes just enough to make your pulse speed up. even at his age, he's still strong enough to manhandle and bend you over however he pleases, which he does when he's really stressed. and ugh, it's the best <3

quickies are an absolute necessity, since he has such a large workload to deal with and so little time to finish them. one minute you're both trying to sort through whatever papers you can, and the next, młynar's balls deep inside of you as you ride him on his chair. he doesn't even have to do anything; the sheer size of his cock is enough to leave you fucked out of your mind as it is.

młynar honestly seems like the type of man who always insists that making a mess is so troublesome, but then he watches his cum dribble out of your abused hole like a perv. sometimes he'll even get hard again and wanna go again bc he's so pent-up and lowkey happy he can finally get some <3

honestly, just surprise him with a blowjob under his desk and he'll probably combust. knowing that he has to complete his work, but you're kneeling in between his legs just makes it so damn hard. with your pretty lips wrapped around his length and the wet warmth of your throat, it's so easy to forget about the endless piles of paper.

but don't worry, you grinding down on his cock is one of the few highlights of his day. młynar quite likes your little stress-relief sessions when you whine his name over and over as he pulls orgasm after orgasm from you. he may be old, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to have you seeing stars and begging for more.

[sukirichi]

I feel dizzy man... I felt like i was floating while reading the whole part with tooru

Bitch is falling in love but at same time he refuses to steal someone elses wife and knowing how he was chained down to maiko bruh it makes me hate her ngl 🤣🤣🤣🤣

But yeah the whole part with tooru was painful but at same time light hearted? Like it brought some comfort kind of feel you know? Like y/n needed that

Also their chemistry 👌and when he said 'if you were mine i would never hurt you' TOORU TAKE ME PLS FUCK RINTARO FUCK IRIS FUCK MAIKO LETS RUN AWAY TOGETHER

Also the fact he needs to fucking fight for his place in the table and that not even his clan accepts him..... Man my heart hurts for him...

And then the whole part with rin started and from then on i went from floating to never ending falling.. The more i read the more i expected to hit the ground at some point but the feeling kept going and going

I hate how he just straight how said he would be lost without her how he looked so lovesick while talking about her how he lied the whole time.. At least tooru never lied about his marriage about how he absolutely hated it.. And rin just fucking- and he even had the audacity to say 'im yours' no rin... Youre not in paper yeah but not in heart

And it fucks me up how he acts and sounds so conflicted all the time like he is actually confused by his feelings and yet still says with all certainty he loves her

I guess the crashing feel was when he was on the other side drowning in guilt while y/n decided to sleep in the couch and basically not want to pretend anymore but i guess tooru helped not feeling the crash as much

The whole chapter was very well written as well i hate the fact i can never put it in words what i feel while reading it cause anything i write feels weak comparing to what im feeling

Sorry 😭😭😭 i try

Thank you for another chapter hdhdgdh and ugh i hate how the clown in me now wants to run away with tooru but still wants for rin to end up noticing y/n you know? Now that shes ignoring him, maybe realize that his guilt is not just guilt man i just i wish for him to grow feels or realize he has feels for y/n in a way

Ayo i didnt leave a long ass rant like this in a while feels nostalgic hdhdhsh

my best friend, the fellow oikawa fucker, LETS GO.

lmaooo so true, he’s crushing on yn so hard but he’s like “nope, i’m married! i can’t be with someone else that isn’t my wife because that’s wrong! i hate my wife tho.” but like honestly, i love how tooru is firm with his beliefs. he’s not like suna that always gets confused with his guilt for using yn and succumbing to iris again. tooru isn’t like that. sure, he likes us, but he knows he should never seduce someone else’s spouse that he just keeps a safe distance and makes things as platonic and casual if possible. notice how the moment he starts getting romantic thoughts about yn, he scolds himself to stop thinking about it. rintaro would neverrrr. 

‘if you were mine, i’d never hurt you.’ SIR, I WISH I WAS YOURS. TAKE ME RN. PLEASE. MARRY ME. LET’S LIVE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE AND BE HAPPY. FORGET ABOUT YOUR CLAN AND YOUR ROYAL TITLES sobs 

‘ it fucks me up how he acts and sounds so conflicted all the time like he is actually confused by his feelings and yet still says with all certainty he loves her ‘ see, the thing about rin’s dilemma is that he actually sees our worth, but that’s all. he just sees it. he doesn’t do much about it. he’s conflicted because he knows losing us would also be a great loss, but he just needs to choose - lose iris or lose us? both mess with him. he wants to keep both even if that’s not gonna happen. he’s stuck between this fantasy with iris that they’re going to be happily together and the reality that we are there, we’re married, and it’s hopeless.

and aw yeah, i missed your long asks to me! i always spent minutes just rambling with you too GHJKAA and thank you always for supporting me, i love you!

[yourfavouritetragedy]

I was adding onto the DSMP Actor AU post, but it turned into Wilbur musician AU, haha rip me, and I only know SBI anyways so here’s a separate post. (It goes back to actor AU at the end.) It’s hypothetically still in the same universe though, and obviously inspired by it. If anything’s phrased weirdly, it’s cuz this was originally an addition to that. 

tbh I kinda adhered to their IRL careers too much compared to the OP but whatever it’s fine. 

Also frick the “Dream SMP” for not having a better title lmaooo

Wilbur is an indie artist really on the come up

Your City Gave Me Asthma was pretty good for a first release, popular with both new fans and fans of his acting.

He had starred in a short mystery/thriller-ish series that started off disguised as a normal sitcom: Chilly in Lincolnshire {Editor Wilbur ARG}

It had a prominent release because of Jack Massey’s involvement and previous fame, but production was abruptly scrapped before it tied everything up with a bow on top, so to speak. It’s still unclear if this was actually planned in order to tell the story the way they way wanted. 

Even before that, critics had mixed reviews, either applauding the storytelling and acting or calling it “irrationally confusing, an amateurish attempt to box unconventional storytelling into a conventional medium.”

Also SootHouse was a sitcom that achieved a cult following during the two seasons it ran before cancellation. Either you’re a fan or you’re never heard of it, and people constantly forget Wilbur was in it. 

(He was a few other old shows on his resume too. Wilbur always focuses on the newest project, so everyone always forgets about what he was in before.) 

Maybe I Was Boring EP was initially just bonus tracks on his website, but his fans liked it so much he gave it a wider release

In between, he had a few comedy songs go viral on youtube. Everybody was so confused when they realized it was the same Wilbur as musician/actor Wilbur. He laughed about it in an interview, saying “How many Wilburs do you know?” 

That’s when it came out that “Wilbur Soot” was actually a stage name. (”Ha, fair, only one.” “Make that zero-- my name’s not really Wilbur.”)

He kinda disappeared after that?? Didn’t do anything, really inactive on social media. It was semi-confirmed that he was both working on his mental health and prepping some stuff (music, auditions).

But anyways he just released a series of singles, combined into Digital Love {E-girl trilogy}-- he’s transformed his image yet again, but this time he does take ownership of all his past ventures.

The release of Digital Love bridges the end of SMP Earth and the beginning Dream SMP. 

But before that there was MCC and the other stuff.

They are shows where celebrities team up do stuff-- you know the type 

but Minecraft Monday is still inexplicably Minecraft Monday. Some Youtuber just managed to get all these up and coming celebrities to play a Minecraft tournament. 

And that’s where the Sleepy Bois (minus Tommy) met IRL so that’s where they meet here. 

SMP Earth, like Minecraft Manhunts, is also a former show they were on. I’m going to call it World Domination. Don’t @ me; I know that’s trash lol. 

They and the Dream Team met up because of their shared fanbases and were even talking a crossover, but it didn’t really work that well for the stories so they scrapped it

They make a non-canon cross over episode anyways {no IRL equivalent, I think}

Everybody loves the cons. Everytime there’s a con, five friendships are made and eight ideas are created. 

Techno backstory time

He’s done a lot of long running, though not exactly popular, serials and sitcoms: Blitz, Survival Games, and Sky Wars. 

Winstreak: 1000 {Bed Wars 1000 winstreak} was so popular they made a second season, but it never got as big as the first. He worked nearly exclusively with Hypixel Studios. 

He was doing lots of random content for their new Sky World universe {Skyblock} -- the small studio was big on experimentation -- , when a fictional documentary, The Great Potato War, went proper viral. 

They made two sequels WHILE he was doing those celebrity team challenge shows and then World Domination, and they were actually good sequels.

Got a reputation for being shallow and a sell-out, but he makes a joke of it so much he gets away with it and constantly self-promos.

Also a kinda scary to work with for the first time because of how single-minded he can get, but once you realize how socially awkward he is it’s okay.  

Now that’s he’s in a lot of stuff with worldbuilding, he practically has the wikis memorized. 

Tommy mainly did limited series and movies before World Domination, where he met the SBI.

He’d had been a fan of Wilbur for a while, and was super star-struck at first, but got over it really quickly in his Tommy style

He still is a total fanboy at concerts and whenever a new music video drops. “I’m friends with the guy! I know him, Wilbur Soot!” “Tommy, you’re famous too.” “Yeah, cuz I’m practically in the video!” “No--” 

Wilbur takes Tommy to one of his concerts and he’s so hyped the entire time, especially to go behind the scenes and on the stage. 

Sometimes he gets stressed about the pressure of being a child star, but Techno, Philza, and Wilbur promise to stand by him and they make him feel protected 

One time Wilbur’s drunk and almost hands Tommy a drink before swearing and going, “You’re a bloody child! You can’t have that! God, what would Philza think?” Tommy’s not sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. 

Philza laughs at the story and actually lets Tommy try a little in a more controlled, responsible situation. Tommy texts his mum first, and then hates the drink anyways. (”This is rubbish! I am a man, but I’m not drinking this!” Techno: “Alcohol is disappointing. I drink orphan’s tears instead.” “Techno WHAT--”)

Philza had been the star of a zombie apocalypse show: Golden Core 

He did canonically die to a child zombie in the movie version. Yes, they made a movie version of the TV show, because the Golden Core franchise actually has had many other shows {other hardcore series}. 

Everybody tries to get the child zombie props near him because of that (they’re puppets)

He’s done a lot of other things, like in the original actor AU post, but none of them came close in popularity. 

He gives the rest of the SBI the knowledge he’s gained from being in the biz for so long. 

There’s also a running joke about SBI meaning “Spy Boys Incorporated” and them starring in a comedy spy movie

The fans would very much actually like this to happen. There’s so many fanons for it (maybe I’ll write one....) 

Back to the DSMP. Maybe I’ll call it Dreamland or smth. 

Wilbur constantly asks Tommy if he’s okay after any difficult scenes

Especially when they were hanging out together a lot in the exile arc.

All the brother scenes were cut because Wilbur kept breaking down and crying in them.

Sometimes people actually ask Techno and Tommy if they’re actually brothers. Tommy tries to go along with it half the time on the basis of “it’s be funny,” so there’s a subset of casual fans that genuinely don’t know. 

After Alivebur was killed off, Wilbur was going to leave the show to concentrate on his music

But he missed the SMP and hanging so much that he just showed up on set one day saying “I’m a ghost now,” and everyone just rolled with it

Alivebur was so popular that, seeing that Wilbur was willing, they decided to bring him back for Season 3. He’s been avoiding doing heavy scenes, but he still seems really invested and like he wants to come back to the show.

Wilbur talks with Techno about writing and lore a lot

it’s one the few times Wilbur actually seems like the older one

Wilbur attempted to get a D&D group going in the cast, but the show was already close enough, with the amount of improvisation they can get by with

Tommy’s Pigstep cover happened, but the background was Philza clapping barely in time with just Wilbur on bass instead (and of course Techno’s “BAHP”s)

It was a charity stream. They had put on their costumes (clothes only) for a previous goal. 

This one was simply called “We rap.”

Some people were almost disappointed that Tommy was the only one actually rapping, but he was so funny it made up for it. 

Okay I spent the whole morning on this and it got way too long but I think I’m finally out of ideas. sorry haha hope you enjoyed! ^_^

[starglitterz]

wip list !

heres a list of pog ideas so i don't forget 😋 also if you steal any of these i will eat you /srs

also don't reblog please :) !!

...drabbles !

i kept you in my heart even when your mind couldn't. (and would you do the same for me?) | xiao angst

my imagination brings me right back to you | kazuha angst to fluff

wedding bells ring louder than thunder (title is still a wip) | kazuha fluff

you forgot who i truly am, and now you're paying the price | scaramouche angst

baby be my bubblegum | scaramouche suggestive fic

stolen kisses under the moonlight | royal au!kaeya fluff

we all pretend to be the heroes on the good side. | diluc long fic

um... do we all like the same person? | xiao, kazuha, aether, venti x gn!reader, university au

...scenarios !

hand kisses

their reaction to you talking about them to your friends | fluff

dying in their/your arms | heavy angst

sharing a dorm with them [might be a miniseries idk yet]

showering w them | sfw fluff

genshin characters going feral when u get hurt

seeing them with their old flame

model au

how they show they're in love w u (fluffvember)

concert (fv)

restaurant (fv)

...mini-series !

music | songs they'd enjoy w you [i need to finish this oml]

the (unwilling) babysitters club

...series !

locked & loaded.

devil in disguise.

jump! [name undecided]

sugar baby.

irresistible.

selcouth.

liar.

galactical. [name undecided]

HELLO IM LITERALLY SO EXCITED FOR ALL THESE AAAA !!! :DDDD

no details added for the series, not even the au or the character bc it's going to be a surprise hehehe

also this is NOT a request tracker btw ! this is just for me (a dumbass) not to forget my ideas b4 actually writing them LMAOOO

anyways yes i hope u are also very hyped for all of these >:) AHAHA ILY ALL ! <3

© starglitterz 2021. do not repost or modify in any way.

[butwhatifidothis]

Captain’s fic seems to not like waiting to set up stuff for a payoff. It just does things with no concern on how, for example, showing byleth with emotions early on, weakens the development later on when Byleth cries after Jeralt dies.

This is also seen with how much, as pointed out by others, Edelgard’s backstory is brought up again and again and again and again.

With sad backstories you need to be careful on when the character is to reveal it. And how it is revealed. There are some options. They can give small snippets here and there that eventually will add to create a whole truth. They can straight up lie but leave hints of inconsistencies for the reader to pick up on before more information is added. They can even say nothing on there backstory until a big event in the story makes them reach their breaking point and they have to reveal it. This overall depends on what story you are trying to tell.

Dumping a sob story very early on is not a good strategy. Especially when the writer wants the character to be sympathetic. It devalues the build up to other characters learning of the backstory and their reactions when the POV character constantly brings it up in full detail.

Also on an unrelated note, in the roasting Woobiegard au Ashe would probably be mixed on not appearing much. He’s sort of sad because he isn’t in the hilarity but he’s glad that he isn’t being embarrassed.

He also for a while has to comfort Caspar for also not having screen time. Though he would then point out that he wanted more screen time when Caspar is ready to quit because of his relationship with Kronya.

Alois would constantly check the book whenever Jeralt was in the story just to make sure it was actually Jeralt written down and not some other weirdo.

Dorothea would occasionally do ‘very serious’ dramatic readings of some of the ‘best’ parts. When she sees Edelgard holding a dying child in her arms she just snorts and chugs down a bottle.

Sylvain then looks at the paper and…tries… to recreate the scene with Felix, who is not at all pleased. Sylvain somehow makes the scene even more melodramatic and is soon punted by Felix.

Cyril regrets being taught how to read if this is the kind of stuff people make.

100% right on Cap’n not writing things for a payoff well. Often times he either leaves things alone when they could have made for some actually interesting dilemma (like what I said in my notes, the idea of Edelgard bringing up Miklan’s bandits when Dorothea, Ingrid, and Lysithea went to check up on her) or even seemingly full on forgets what he’s written (”No one can truly understand another’s pain” during the grieving Byleth scene vs “NO ONE BUT A FEW - WHICH INCLUDES ME - CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN” damn near everywhere else). Edelgard has pains in her arms and chest from the scars on her, but everyone can go around slapping the shit outta her shoulders and back without a peep from her, Byleth can grab and squeeze her hands and arms without a hint of complaint from Edelgard - n one needs to actually adjust themselves to Edelgard’s pain nor does she have to actually adjust to living with them, they’re a sidenote at best. The whole ordeal of Byleth’s emotions not giving any meaningful impact like you said, since she was never that detached from them anyway

As well as her backstory - there’s no subtlety at all. The way it’s handled - and how a lot of things in this fic are handled really - actually reminds my of this quote from a Youtuber named KrimsonRogue:

You know after a while you gotta stop holding the reader’s hands, they gotta figure some of this out on their own. If you keep reinforcing this - for no reason - it looks like you have no faith in their retention. “Hi guys, I wrote this book. I kept saying the same thing over and over because I think you’re all idiots.

And man, if that ain’t the fuckin’ truth. So many of these flashbacks just reveal the same thing over and over - Agnes was a 100% pure angel who never did Edelgard any wrong ever, Edelgard Sad, Duke Aegir Bad. And if they’re really meant to be “dissociative” then they fail on that front too, since Edelgard never loses focus after they happen and other never comment on any weird pauses she’d have. They’re just there for the reader to know that she’s sad - as if that hasn’t be utterly drilled into our skulls by now. When I see a paragraph of italics it’s just like aw shit, here we go again, another flashback to remind me of one of three things I already know. My favorite.

AND ROOSTING THE FIC AU RETURNS 

Ashe has to be the comforting shoulder for a lot of characters when they see how badly they’ve been butchered - Marianne is a frequenter, once she sees how ass-backwards she is in this fic. Dedue and Mercedes eventually have this happen to them too once everyone realizes that their names don’t even pop up like ever, let along them actually being physically present.

Bernadetta would read how Jeralt is written and look at Alois, then back at the “Jeralt,” then back to Alois - she thought they were two entirely different people?? Why is this Jeralt so much like Uncle Alois??

DOROTHEA ACTING THE FIC OUT OMG she convinces Manulea to join in and they overact to hell and back, especially in the more overdramatic moments - they’re half the reason the gang can get through this in the first place lmaooo, Sylvain tries to get Felix to join in with them and Felix fuckin’ instant transmissions out of the room

Cyril is not bappy

[itsclydebitches]

God I'm so glad to talk about the game lmao. I also finished it! It was fine Ig I think the start of the game was so fantastic so my expectations were a bit much but it was fun! I loved playing as Ciri and just zapping all over the place, wish we could do that more.

But yeah I completely agree with you on basically everything that you said lmaooo, Yen is just unbareable the more I learn about her and the things shes done/the way she treats ppl, I just don't see what I'm meant to like, even if Geralt wasn't the Best person, he deserves so so much better, Idk how I'm gonna read the books if this romance is canon there too, hopefully it won't bother me too much. She so far doesn't really have any redeeming qualities, even her small moments of humour and wit are sort of "yeah okay but it's not fun when you do it cause you just spent the past few moments berating someone for daring to try and help you so like" I actually ended up sort of liking triss the more I talked with her and Yen, she at least apologises for her wrongs (which are still massive holy shit) and doesn't rly treat geralt like shit (same with Kiera, I think thats how her name is spelt, shes cool), they both kinda fuck over geralt but they own up to it which I can at least respect, still not a fan but they're okay, at times. God the women in this game are either really fucking cool or just a bitch, usually in a not fun way The game came with both dlcs! havent really touched them cause the ending was a bitttt of a let down, I thought I wasn't near finishing cause I put it off for so long lol so my bad, probably will get into them tho! And im on ps4 so no mods :( the exp shit would be so good, the last boss fights were really easy though? I think I was level 34 (I wanted to wear my good armour lol) and the quests are level 28 so maybe I was a bit over leveled but some random mobs in world beat my ass just before the main quests so idk lol. Do you get to hang with Ciri at all post game? They're so damn cute together

Out of curiosity which ending did you get? I was pretty satisfied overall (witcher!Ciri ending for me) but I remember thinking that the last couple of plot points were pretty rushed. Though tbh, looking back I’m not sure if that’s actually the case, or if things just felt fast to me because I missed so much buildup trying to keep track of the basics. Now that I know the characters, world, conflicts, etc. I keep coming across lines and details that make me go, “Oh, THAT’S what we were referring to!” for plot points that previously felt like they came out of nowhere.

Playing Ciri is so much fun though. I enjoy zapping around as well...even when I accidentally zap myself into some guy's sword XD

I’m constantly told Yen gets better in the books (something, something major character development) and I’d be lying if I said that “The Last Wish” didn’t turn me off, but I personally stopped reading due to more than just Yen. The epic just didn’t grab me. The short stories absolutely, but I didn’t like the writing as much in novel form, heard a lot about future plot points I had no interest in/made me very uncomfortable, didn’t want to read a bunch of Yen being Yen prior just to getting a development I may or may not like… there was a lot that made me drop the books, so I’m not exactly in the best position to be recommending them, or even warning against them from an unbiased perspective lol. I might give them another shot sometime, but for now I’m happy with the games and fandom content.

I’m liking Triss a lot more on my second playthrough too (especially how selfless she is regarding the other mages) and I always liked Keira. I think the game did a good job of making her kinda selfish and manipulative (as sorceresses are wont to be in this world), but not to such an extent that you’re utterly repulsed by her actions. Her conflict is “I want to not live in squalor the rest of my days and am willing to mislead a friend to achieve that. Also foolishly trust a mad king that, if I go through with it, ends in my horrific death.” With the resolution being like, “Oh, someone else will give me a place of safety with something as basic as clean bedding? Sweet! Yeah, now that I have some security, company, and comfort I’ll use this research to cure a plague, nbd.” Keira is a great example of TW3’s argument that if you choose to help and nurture people, good things will happen for everyone, and it doesn’t ask you to ignore anything really awful to get there. I can very much stomach “You kept some info from me and put me to sleep for the night” in a way that’s far harder to do with, “You actively misled me for months while I had amnesia, cultivating this fantasy relationship” or “You callously disregard another’s culture and torture our daughter’s friend through necromancy.”

Depending on the choices you’ve already made, you can hang out with Ciri for like, one cut scene in the DLCs lol. But it’s indeed a cute one! Basically, if you didn’t romance either Triss or Yen and Ciri is still alive, you should see her again. I’m absolutely that fan that if CDPR decided, after this many years, to randomly add more TW3 content, I would in no way be opposed. I want more time with Ciri, with Regis, there’s a character from the second game named Iorveth who was supposed to reappear in TW3 but had to be cut and that tragedy will forever haunt me. Forget the mess that is Cyberpunk, just keep making more Witcher content!

[buccigang-headcanons]

La Squadra Backstories!!!! Stream of consciousnesss style!

So literally I just sat down and wrote down exactly what I thought. I have not edited these at all lmaooo. But I made long drawn out backstories for our underrated assassins so enjoy!!

T/W + C/W - idk I talk about people dying in a lot of ways. Child abuse, drugs, severe illness, dead cats. This stuff is a mess I really didn’t censor it. But nothing is described in detail cuz I’m too lazy for that.

————

Prosciutto cuz he’s at the top of my mind. Mmkay he and Pesci are brothers but not by blood. Pro was an orphan, I still wanna make him Russian, and pesci’s extremely kind and gentle family adopted him when he was like 7. They were like literally a garden catalogue family. Perfection. The parents died when pro was like 15, Pesci was 13?? Idk the age difference I’m just making shit up now. And Pesci had no fucking idea what to do, they didn’t have any other family, and pro was like “I’m still basically a hardened criminal from living on the streets of russia most of my childhood, so joining the local mafia should be a piece of cake”. It was.

Risotto..... fuck it. Polpo is risottos dad. I’ve seen that so much and fuck it I’m here for it now. Idk how I feel about the whole Mariah from part 3 being his mom that seems too coincidental. But either way, he is half Spanish. I don’t think he’s ever been in touch with his Spanish roots at all, but that’s what he is. Polpo had too much fun on vacay in Spain. But it was a once night stand and polpo, a skinny king back in the mid 70s, fucked off to do mafia stuff and didn’t know about this kid. Risotto never knew his father. Time goes by, about the time he’s 10, rizzo’s mom moves to Italy to find the man she once loved. Since the 70s, she has been married and divorced 4 times, disowned by her entire family, and she speaks only of Polpo, the man who swept her off her feet and then disappeared into the night. Leaving only this child with his matching eyes. So they live in Italy, risotto is about 13 now and his mom has been searching seriously for polpo for about 3 years. One day, she gets too close, mafia takes her out. Risotto is all alone in a country he has lived in for less than 3 years. So he decides to take revenge against the mafia. He goes to hunt them down. (I’m too lazy to write out how. Gets a gun. Basically the scene in part 5 where the kid is like “you killed my father and now I’m gonna kill you!!” But he chickens out???) yeah except rizzo didn’t chicken out, he stood firm and killed 2 of them. The other 2 surrendered, and immediately asked rizzo to take polpos test. He did. And he unknowingly met his father, the man his mother had died looking for. He stared into his fathers eyes, black sclera reflecting each other, and passed his test with ease.

Wowwwwwwwww alrighty then that was something. Let’s shake out those jitters because fuck that was intense and let’s move onto some happy shit.

Melone!! Always a bottle of joy. He was a phenomenal student, a perfect child. Perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect looks. Onlyyyy tiny thing is he murdered cats and buried their heads in the back yard. But that was his only flaw. Aaaaaaaand mayyybe trying to use his extensive knowledge of molecular biology and genetics (even at as young as 11) to asexually breed said cats.

But, apart from that, absolutely perfect specimen of a young boy. And he kept that up until college. Until the rape accusation. Melone had no interest in having sex with her, he swore under oath in open court, he only wanted to “extract her essence” in the hopes of making her amazing genetics stay pure for centuries.

Due to his previously amazing school record, he was allowed to plead not guilty by reason of insanity (because the justice system is bullshit) and was released to his parents. During this whole process, Melone’s mother had begun to grow suspicious of her son, wondering if there was something wrong with him. This led her to explore the crawl space under the garage, more commonly known as “Melone’s childhood laboratory”. The cat skulls alone were enough to set her off. They allowed him into their home long enough to fool the court, but parole officers don’t pay attention, and they kicked him to the curb a month later. Broke, alone, and with no real skills other than his genius mind and gorgeous body, he became a prostitute. It was only a few months before he wandered up to a gigantic white haired man with angry eyes and asked if he wanted a date. Instead of declining, our good ol rizzo just knocked him out cold and brought him home. The rest is history. Literally because I can’t think of what would happen between that and Melone joining the mafia. I assume he was just their house pet for a little while before he decided he wanted a stand too.

Oh good lord these are getting insane. Better keep going. Okay I have no idea what’s about to come out of my head for ghia but oh Lordy. Might as well start. Ghiaccio wasn’t always quite as angry, but it’s actually gonna be a sweet story. Kinda. He used to act perfect, even tho he always felt the anger inside. He was forced to bottle it up and put on a happy exterior always. His mother was Belgian. (From experience, Belgian mothers (Flemish in particular) will beat you until your ass is raw if you talk back). Italian father, they lived in italy. He had 4 sisters, he was the middle child of 5. Around high school, he started acting out. Of course this was due to all of his bottled up anger from the past 15 years. 4 shattered sinks, 16 holes in the drywall, and one classroom fire later, Ghiaccio was expelled from school. His parents were too busy brimming with joy about the success of all his sisters that they didn’t take much notice to him. “If you’re going to behave in such a manner you might as well leave” his mother said. She was past the point of caring enough to beat him. So he left. 16 and with no where to go, he wandered the streets. After a year or so, Ghia had gotten used to that life, and was angry at everyone, sometimes when he wasn’t even angry. Anger had become his coping mechanism. Screaming was easier than talking. Until one day, he screamed at a blonde man in an intersection. Prosciutto was driving back to the squads hang out, boxes of takeout in the back seat of the car. He had chosen to not stop at the red light, just for fun, and nearly ran into our blue haired teenager. Ghia proceeded to cuss him out for a good 4 minutes in the middle of this intersection before pro cut him off. “Get in the back. “ he said, with his own special brand of brotherly love. “I know how you can put that anger to good use”. Ghiaccio, having no real reason to object, got in the back seat. Prosciutto was silent the rest of the drive and Ghiaccio yelled about all the take out food, now splattered on the backs of the seats due to the sudden slam on the brakes.

Y’all I don’t even remember the other la squadra members. Let’s do sorbet/gelato because they have zero backstory or personality so I can just ramble. *Clears throat* let’s begin. These fuckers. Friends since birth. Grew up together, always really close. They were both dirt poor, but because the only school nearby was a decent public school, when were able to slightly experience middle class living. They liked it. They wanted to see upper class, and once they did, they wanted to be there. These two were money grubbing bffs, I’m talking josuke and okuyasu, but like waaaaay more intense and also violent. They both left home around 14, together of course. Gelatos father had left them a few years prior, and his family were on the brink of starvation. Figuring they didn’t need another mouth to feed (and completely abandoning his post as family patriarch lol) he left with sorbet, who’s family had all died in various ways over the years. Most recently, his older sister being taken by some illness that was probably easily treatable, but with no means for a doctor, she died in days. The boys left home and school, and made a living by pickpocketing tourists and occasionally launching into larger heists. They made a decent living for themselves, but eventually started spending their money on drugs. It’s was sorbet first, heroin was really good to him for awhile. Gelato was against it, knowing it was the reason sorbets family had been so poor to begin with. His father was an addict, and despite holding down a job fairly well, spent all his earnings on drugs. Eventually he became too dependent, lost his job, and OD’d. But around this same time, when the boys were 16/17, they were starting to realize their feelings for each other. Confused teenaged minds full of budding love led to Gelato giving in, and soon their days were filled with heroin fueled ecstatic sex. They lived like this for awhile, existing in half reality, until one day they chose to set their pickpocketing targets on a short man with close cropped gray hair. The plan was perfect, sorbet bumped into the man and gelato passed by to grab his wallet, and suddenly they were the size of mere ants. In an instant, they were returned to size, left to wonder if it was real or just a hallucination from long term drug use. But they didn’t run. Formaggio introduced himself, with a loose handshake and a pause to spit out some tobacco, and promptly invited them to a “party”. Although, Formaggio was honest in his promise, this party did have drugs.

Cheese boys turn!! Seriously who am I forgetting??? Illuso my mirror man! Am I forgetting someone else too?? Idk. But shut up Kel it’s cheese boys turn.

So. Formaggio. Probably the most chill childhood. Lower middle class, pretty average, but he was quite gifted with sports. Soccer was his main, and also a fantastic competitive swimmer. (Okay I have a separate hc that Bruno is really good at soccer so hol horse up a moment so I can imagine those 2 playing soccer together in friendly competition. In my lil au where Bruno is in la squadra because I say BruPro exes rights please and thanks.) but anyway, he got really good at soccer and was offered a scholarship to play at a fancy pants private high school when he was 14. Of course his parents made him go, this has been the family’s dream for years, and formaggio’s as well. So high school is amazing, he’s starting to attract attention from universities even tho he’s barely in grade 11 by this point. And it’s all really amazing until he realizes. This isn’t what he wants. And it’s just that. He doesn’t want to play soccer anymore, he doesn’t want to potentially be famous. He just wants to be a kid. So he leaves school, he leaves home, he wants to start over. And he wanders into a diner and sees this small group of weirdly dressed men. At this point, it’s rizzo, pro, Pesci, and ghia. And he’s staring at them because they’re dressed like circus clowns but their aura is so murderous. And then the one who looks like a giant pineapple starts staring back. Pesci gets up and walks over to Formaggio. “I know you! You’re that amazing kid soccer player!!” And he just goes on and on about shit he read in the news (70% of it was false) until pro comes over and yanks his idiot brother away. Pro starts asking Formaggio questions, thinking he could be a good target. Stupid little rich kid. But to prosciuttos surpise, Formaggio is just a down to earth kid with no more money to his name than he needs to pay for this meal. Prosciutto takes him home after that. He doesn’t really offer any explanation.

(The rambling at the beginning of this paragraph actually happened lol so I paused for like 4 hrs oops)

Alright we are back. Had to leave to go to therapy and then scream at my mother and cry to my boyfriend but we are ready to go! Illuso and I really hope he’s the last one and I’m not forgetting one. Illuso was raised in an orphanage from infancy. No idea who his parents could even be. Fun fact: one of the nuns at the orphanage (cuz it’s an orphanage in Italy in 1980, they’re catholic.) nicknamed him Illuso because he was always pointing at things that weren’t there. As a tiny baby and a child, he would always be looking at things no one else can see (yes illuso is a natural stand user fight me). The nuns called him illuso as an insult, hoping to shame him into stopping. He never did. When he outgrew the orphanage, he decided to join the priesthood. He was 19, a priest in training, when the mafia came to the orphanage. They were collecting, and illuso knew they didn’t have the money this month. He tried to talk the mobsters down, but that went about as well as planned. 4 bullets to the chest, 3 open heart surgeries, and half a dozen resuscitations later, Illuso was released from the hospital. The orphanage had been shut down, and no one knew what had happened to the children or the nuns. With no where to go, illuso knew of one place that could use talents like his. The talents of steadily stealing money from the starving children of the church for a decade. It was during polpos test that illuso’s stand manifested. Not due to the arrow, but to protect its user from the other stand. Illuso was able to avoid Black Sabbath by hiding in his newfound mirror world until it was time to return the lighter to polpo (kinda cowardly but whatever.) he was assigned to risottos group by chance and was the last to join excluding Melone. But they loved him as if they had found him themselves.

[why-are-you-even-here-tho]

okay people. i’m gonna be spitting a lot of Words. because i’m feeling a lot of Feelings at the moment and i don’t know how to express them through any other methods so. yeah. 

this is just gonna be me venting so. probably wouldn’t recommend reading but idk u do u i guess. i put most of the things that i think are triggers in the tags, but i’m actual shit at tagging so. if literally anything is gonna affect you negatively just. don’t read. i can’t tag everything and yeah. idk. to the cut now i guess. bye. 

hi lmaooo what the fUCK am i writing lmaoo

so. first. my past week has been fucking shit. 

    first, i was super fuckin stressed cause i had chair placement auditions for band, a 70 point spanish vocab test, and a 5-7 minute presentation of elizabethan crime and punishment all due in the span of two fucking hours on wednesday. and my stepmother. has the fucking a u d a c i t y. to tell me that i’m actually only allowed to study (on my computer, where everything is) for one hour after school each day. like honey i can’t control what i’m fuckin assigned. and she’s already shitty with me cause she thinks that i’m not doing anything when i’m on my computer (which, despite what you all have seen of me, is not true lmao). so she’s super fuckin dumb about that. 

    second. my chickens. which i call my chickens because, up until recently, i was the only person that did jack shit for those fuckin birds. literally. stepmother bought the food and sold the eggs. maybe went outside once every couple weeks. it pissed me off but you know. whatever. that’s not even what i’m talking about this time. but she goes out there, before i do my daily stuff for them, and comes back in- whirlwind if pissed off cause the stuff isn’t done. like honey i haven’t done that yet. and she gets bitchy cause i haven’t done it yet and starts to go on about how she knew that i secretly hated the chickens and that she bet that i intentionally fucking killed some of them (cause a few of them actually disappeared this week)?? like what in the fUCK??? i would never fuckin do that??? and i love hearing her complain about what food and water is full to the top as if she bothers doing literally anything to help with them. so i’m now not even allowed in my own fucking backyard because apparently i’m a fuckin serial chicken killer. fuck that. 

    third. i had. the audacity to forget an entire assignment. and stepmother dearest sees it. and goes fuckin apeshit. i am the epitome of disrespectful and useless and such a little bitch and stupid and do i need someone to go with me to school every day and hold my hand and remind me to breathe? and like. i can take that, in a way. it’s the normal shit i get from this woman. what really, for some odd reason, got me this time? when she asked, i think completely sincerely, actually, if there was some sort of implant that could make me better. like bitch. i’m not a fucking dog, you don’t need to fucking chip me so you know where i am all the time. i’m not a fucking robot that needs a fucking upgrade so that my fucking memory is better. i haven’t really said anything to her (or anyone really) about this (cause i don’t fuckin trust her not to give me shit because of it) but i have. a fuckin Issue. with fuckin dehumanization. and that hit. every single fucking button. so i’m fucking pissed and just decide that hey. i’m gonna go to my room for a minute. so i don’t fucking murder my dad’s wife. and i get shit for that too!!! like what in the fUCK???? and now i’m at my grandma’s for some length of time. in fuckin exile. 

    fourth, because i feel like it’s its own thing. my stepmom. as i’m going to my grandma’s for my tommyinnit arc. stops me for a minute. uses her “i’m being genuine (lie) and just trying to make you understand my point of view (with the attitude that it is the only one that matters cause yeah) because being me is hard :(” voice. tells me. “I just want to help you, but you being here makes me think about hurting myself.” which. yes, i understand is not a thing to just dismiss. i do kinda feel shitty about it. but also. 2 things. one, she said it in such a tone of voice that practically screamed “this is a lie to make you feel like shit”. and two, she?? also does this?? to me??? like honey. the blood on the inside of the thighs of my pants and the pocketknife blade hidden in my jewelry box are saying a bit more about “thinking about hurting myself” than you, sitting there on the couch, rewatching game of thrones for the third time. i sound like an asshole in this bit. but i’m just. fuckin angry. 

     fuckin angry and fuckin pissed at myself. cause maybe if i didn’t fuck that assignment up, i’d not be in so much trouble. if i did the chicken stuff earlier that day i’d be at home still. if i could focus more in class my parents might not be as easy to piss off. if i were just. better. if i were not. like this. if i could do more than just “try to” change. if i could look at my issues and actually work to fix them rather than staying up till midnight on a weekday, spending over an hour typing a fucking essay about the shit i’ve been through this week that nobody is gonna read. maybe even if i just. weren’t here. 

    i wasn’t supposed to exist. there were. so many signs. telling my parents that they shouldn’t have kids. one - the fact?? that my mom had no less than four miscarriages??? before she got pregnant with me??? one would think that they may stop trying after like. two. and my mom already had one son! it was with her first husband (red flag right there lmao) but she had! a kid! already! why go through all that pain? idk. i’m not, and never will be, a parent. two - my parents! actually did! decide to stop trying! to have a kid! and then my bitchy little -9 month old ass was like “hey bitches are you ready for 16 years of hell?” three - there were so many issues with my (i mean. not mine but the only one i’ve been involved in) pregnancy. like. mom got badly sick like. 3 times. she told me one day that her doctor told her that it would be healthier for me? if she kept smoking while she was pregnant???? so that’s fun. and i’m positive that it was not just nicotine. yeah. fun. don’t necessarily have an issue with weed but like. bro. you’re pregnant. no thanks. four - i was a cesarean. not that that’s really an issue. but. i felt like it might go on here. five - i refused! to breathe! on my own! for almost 24 hours! this might have meant something!!!!! 

     i don’t even know what i’m writing anymore honestly. i’m feeling emotions and i hate it. it’s midnight. i’ve spent over an hour writing this.  why am i not working on my fic. bye.

i would like access to alcohol please lmao