#( also im sorry i know everyone is having a bad time since covid )

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey I got my GCSE results back today (yk OWLS in HP except they’re real for 16year olds in UK😭) and I did bad, like way worse than I’d expected/hoped. Like ok i know it’s not actually that bad and loads of people would be glad to get my scores etc etc but like I’ve always been a really academic person. I wanted to go to Harvard for some reason and now that dream’s just shattered because with these scores I know I won’t get in. I feel like my life’s ended and I’m only 16 and I don’t know what to do. My family are all trying to act like everything’s normal and just told me ‘oh they don’t actually matter that much don’t worry’ but it’s like…that’s what you say when someone hasn’t done well. im so annoyed because I could have done better, I know I could have, but I was so distracted and burnt out last year and I just didn’t study hard enough.

I just don’t know what to do because everyone’s either telling me ‘oh it’s not that bad, you should be happy’ or ‘oh they don’t matter that much’ but like I know it’s not true and I know they matter and I know universities look at them and judge you based off them. I feel like no one’s letting me be upset and I don’t know what I should even do or if there is anything I can do.

I know there’s more to life than academics (I’m not a sewerslide risk) but at the same time I can’t help but feel like all my dreams collectively went down the drain the moment I saw my scores.

Im lying in bed and i have plans today and deadlines and all sorts of stuff and i just can’t find the motivation to do anything because whats even the point? sorry for ranting in your inbox its not like there’s much you can do but i just wanted to vent without someone’s immediate response being to act fake happy around me

Hi!

I definitely understand how you're feeling and I agree, you have a right to be upset. It's hard to feel like you've not done as well as you wanted to do, and you can mourn that.

I do have to say, though, I know someone who works in an Ivy League school in the United States, and I asked her about GCSEs. She said that since COVID, a lot of schools are taking multiple ways of showing academic skill. She wasn't sure about Harvard, but she said many schools aren't requiring SATs (US equivalent of NEWTs) so it's probably similar with GCSEs, and they will instead accept alternate options.

I think the thing is: you're allowed to be realistic. It sucks to do not-great on an important test. but please also be realistic and know that your dreams are not completely ruined. You might have other options: other ways of showing your intelligence or other just-as-amazing schools that will accept you. Please don't give up now- you are more than just one test score.

[valyrra]

Hi! Anon 🐈‍⬛ here, I need some advice, I'm going insane. I live in an opressive family, they behave like I'm not a person and they love to shut me up all the time when I have to say anything and even then they don't listen to what I have to say. They say that's because I don't have a job... (They love mentioning I'm jobless even though they KNOW about my state of mind)

I'm extremely depressed and scared to meet other people because of negative experiences. They conditioned me to stay silent and listen, but after years of silence I got sick of it and got more argumentative. For example: father (who is so obsessed with eating healthy that he made it everyone's problem) today made so much drama because we drank a sweet drink. He told us that it's deadly and told mother that she is the worst mother and started insulting her. It is not the first time he's doing this, he and her (sometimes) make us feel bad about eating something ("You will get cancer from it", "It's deadly", "You're going to get even more fat"), essentially shaming us for eating the food. We are not rich, we can't afford the "healthy" food and we live in a country that has food standards, we can't die from eating food or drinking a drink.

It was a lime flavoured powder that dissolves in water that you drink. It was a looooooooong time since we drank anything like that. He was very agressive about it and I'm on my second day of period so guess what happened. I got angry and told him what his problem is (we have been eating tasteless food for years because of his "Salt is death" (his words), he's obsessed with nutrients, TikTok recipes, and shoving his opinion on food and politics down everyone's throat) and mother and brother started shouting at me (brother insulted me as well) while he ate his lunch at peace. It's a constant cycle that never stops, he starts drama and threatening abuse, I intervene sick of his behaviour, they insult me, shut me up and it is peaceful until this cycle begins again for YEARS...

It was always like that, but since COVID it's getting worse and worse (there were times I almost k*lled myself from the stress), I have nobody to talk to...

He also almost k*illed us because of toilet paper on brother's 18th birthday, I had a horrible mental breakdown and was laughing and crying the whole time. My mental heath is so horrible that when I'm having a breakdown I start laughing (unfortunately like Joaquin Phoenix's Joker). Therapists are not that trustworthy because the one I had told mother about our sessions (what I said in them) and I stopped trusting them. People are snitches around me ready to tell any secret I have to other people. My trust has been broken so many times...

I'm telling you this because we are moots and you've been so kind to me even though we don't communicate much, however, you liking some of my posts and replying to my comments make my day.

I'm afraid to speak about this publicly (from my account).

I'm very very very very sorry for trauma dumping and grammar mistakes, I don't know what to do anymore, maybe I'm beyond saving, it has been going on for years, I'm tired...

Thank you for listening and if you ever need anything, I'll be there for you. I wish you all the best.

Anon 🐈‍⬛.

ok, first of all sorry that I am replying this so late. i'm glad that we are moots and somehow i help your state. don't be sorry for trauma dumping secondly, man, my mental health is like pretty fucked so i'm not sure what kind of advice you want from someone like me…. I'm like legit…….. not sure what can i propose to you besides what helped me to stay alive I've been abusive myself and I still am sometimes. it's kind of hard for me to talk about jobs and ED specifically, but like im not sure what age are you and what country are you in - i would certainly advice you to contact a specialist, even a local hospital (non commercial idk how it works anywhere outside of Russia). and probably its better to not tell anyone + tell the specialist that you'd rather keep this between you two. I've changed like 6-7 psychiatrists. some were bad, some were better. you just need to learn to trust. not all of them are bad Good prescribed meds can stabilize your brain in order not to fall into negative stuff. + somehow keep your nerveous system safer. which IMO is so important? like…. people usually don't realise how many health issues come from stress. from free stuff - sometimes guided meditations help me to relax and prevent incoming anxiety attacks like I think you should bit by bit build your own strength and overcome your fears. there's no one in the world who will make you do this shit, unfortunately. we live in a world where it's not always rainbows and sunshine, but you've been strong enough to live to this moment. i believe you can achieve your independence from your family. my first job was as a waitress and dude I've barely talked with anyone besides customers. only if it was necessary, all because i had like large anxiety and other stuff. it was hard as fuck, I've had drunk shitty customers who touched me and tried to kiss me, i've had a bartender who raised his voice at me like for smallest inconveniences. i had a cook who kept telling me he's going to r* me with his assistant because he was just dissatisfied with my performance lol. but like…… I've also made a great friends and built some social confidence. push yourself, no one will push you… to be independent is kind of a…. solution if you don't trust anyone. I hope you will find your peace.

[oddvanilla]

do you mean covid 2.0 like covid AGAIN or like monkeystuff..

YES monkey stuff it's scares me so much it looks so ugly. Also my mom got COVID back in quarantine days and my dad got it TWICE. like omg at this point if they got slight monkey pox it's over...I don't want them dead...and also I personally don't get affected by it I mean I'll just play Fortnite like back in 2020 and then be on my phone 24/7...but I'm scared because it will affect other people. Cause our generation was forced to be home since a young age and I swear now people can't even ask for ketchup at McDonald's..like omg that's just concerning like I'm an extrovert I was born one (trust) but I don't want everyone around me to be a shy uwu femboy who does tt trends as a job...ALSO I'm terrified because if you search up how it can be spread around it's from like contaminated stuff like stuff with germs and I feel terrible for all the kids in other countries that are going through wars😭😭 like these kids can barely find bread once every 3 days and you want them to get away from contaminated dirty stuff and foods?? Hahahaha as if it's a choice..so like I think yea although monkey pox CAN be cured it's just terrifying like poor people omg. Don't let me even get started with physically disabled people. Like imagine you got it and have to stay away from people and especially the person who helps you move around and assists you. That's so depressing :(( talking about depression it's also bad for people like me...I got something called touch starvation where I kinda need physical touch like ALL the time to feel good enough and the second Im missing it I'll start getting anxious and stuff...so like I don't know how I will survive quarantine if I'm so used to staying 7 hours in school in a class with 40 people while hugging my friends and everyone I see as a greeting... I'll miss it so bad 😭 So YEAH sorry for YAPPING I could tag this as reine yaps but its more emotional and not an actual essay with seperated paragraphs and logical reasons..in which hit me up if you want an actual essay but like this is off my mind...

[praxieserver]

This is a kind of silly one BUT like havd this cringe weird au where like cartman has another kid in post covid (I called her jane cuz she reminds me of rtc jane doe for her personality) and for some reason I see her sm with kyle's daughter (aubrey) kinda like menorah and eli and it would be so funny like cartman realizing that both of his kids are dating/have a crush on his rival's/enemie's kids but aside from that I see jane totally like freaking aubrey out and aubrey being kinda scared of her at first because she literally appeared out of nowhere all the time spooking everyone even if she doesn't mean to I feel she got curious about aubrey because observing a bit she realized they didn't seemed as bad as her dad told her,so she tries like get closer to her but accidentally spooks her a lot at first

Jane:"you know what I find kind of really super hurts?"

Aubrey:*turning around in fear* "maybe later thanks— SORRY—" *runs away*

/ref

But I see her slowly realizing that jane isn't actually as scary as she thought and slowly start spending more time together

Theres more I could say about these two but I am lazy and also dont know how to phrase everything so that's it for now!

op u need to share more rn and YOU NEED TO TELL ME IF SHE LOOKS LIKE JANE DOE FROM RID ETHE CYCLONE OR YOU HAVE DIFFERENT DRSIGN IN MIND.

I FUCK W THIS AU. I WILL DOODLE THIS AU ONCE IM NOT DEAD FROM SWIMMING TRAINING. THABK U SM FOR SHARING UR OWN SILLY AU IDEAS WITH MY SILLY AU IDEAS TO FORM A NEW, EVEN SILLIER AU IDEA.

akhdksjaja srry if this sounds rlly aggressive but wowzs!!!! im so very excited and very happy to hear more since i haven't really watched rtc in it's entirety (i just listen to the what the world needs and ballad of jane doe over and over again and watched a few funny conpilations on youtube 😭✌️), and im sure your jane's personality isnt a direct copy of jane doe rtc's personality so!!! please!!!! share!!!!

personally i see aubrey as being cautious towards jane bc her and moisha do not get along at all, and in gen the rivalry is a family wide thing, so while she's polite to the other members of the cartman family that don't bother her (totally on her own volition bc she's such a mature child and not bc her dad has severely reprimanded her for severely injuring moisha in multiple fights, no sir!) they're all on thin ice really.

so she's probably really jittery around her most of the time, but kind of has a revelation that. out of all the weird encounters she's had with jane. jane hasn't really. done anything. and decides to try talking to her and they become good friends and she adopts them into her friend group bc she's very extroverted in a female himbo kinda way. (not a bimbo. well actually ig, she's a bimbo but in a masc way. so like. girl himbo. listen she's just a dorkass kid sometimes that's all you need to know)

anyways thank u sm for sharing!!! hope to see u in my inbox again soon :DD

[winwintea]

"they are trying so hard to get fame" girl you cooked im afraid, but they are not getting fame, i just closed my wayv support account 3 days ago, %90 inorganic mv views, buying streams at bugs, buying likes at melon to get them more music show win won't make them more famous, the reason i closed my account weishennies are saying "all this with 0 company support we are so hardworking" girl company decided to promote them and do everything that your fandom should do, if you really see their engagement in every platform is decreasing, instagram likes, twitter likes (most liked twitter teaser 23k the yangyang pligarize post, omy era it was 74k) bilibili, weibo views their variety contents, company just gaslighting my fandom with fake views, how a group getting 8mn views at youtube but still 400k streams at spotify at their 6th day, mind you getting stream on youtube is harder, even ariana beyonce and taylor is not having those streams. they made ten speak whole mandarin he suffered so much now they are only speaking korean, idk how their chinese fanbase are ok with this sudden disrespect, the only chinese song in the album is literally not even a chinese song its just chinese version of a korean song 🤡 in my country people say if you leave your roots for the people you meet on the way, you will lose your roots and people you meet both, prism center just gaslighting people to wayv is doing fine but in reality the hype for them slowly dying in every era, i really thought everything going to be different, we will get good music wayv fame era the only thing we get inorganic and fake achievements, just so tired. i bought my last jellies for wayv use them for the show music win and deleted my all accounts because i hate these comeback eras that is not feeling like a comeback anymore, my last straw was someone asked kun you and your group finally get 3 comeback this year what do you think about comebacks all he said was i get money idc rest 🤡 everyone work for money this is such an bad answer make me realized this dudes dgaf about making good music anymore. sorry i saw your post i want to talk with someone. im so tired kun coming bubble complaining even about 1 negative comment he see, i hate yangyang still has no name only being ten plus one, i hate hendery slow rap voice, i hate xiaojun wanna push all buttons to get that quick fame, i hate winwin who is not there whole time and i hate ten for sacrifing his golden years there. i love them for being with me in my teenage days but it's over for me tbh. i wish that xiaoyang anon show their blog so we

i can talk with them, their feelings are so valid. some people only ignoring these things. how group with best discography just released worst 2 title track in nct history back to back, just so sad.

also hope you enjoy your japan vacation, i went to nct nation last time and i wanna go again 🥰

it’s so sad like i barely see anyone talk about their support for wayv dying out… like all i see is just praise for wayv so i honestly thought i was alone 😭

it’s nice to know i’m not the only one who feels this way

i mean lol i don’t blame kun i’d work for money too 💀💀 but it does suck that they wanna work hard for those 3 years of hiatus from lucas scandal to covid to finally dropping phantom, wayv had some hard hits and had never been the same since.

wayv is so broken rn it hurts actually. i miss old wayv. miss music

i miss lsm so much. even if he’s not the best ceo i just think he had the right idea and direction for things. based on what luhan said recently in that one live too i feel like lsm was never a really bad guy.

i’m curious for his new company A20 i feel like he wants to work more in china and overseas so i might be checking out those projects soon. maybe i’ll find peace in them? they’re still fairly new but i’m having some excitement for them.

XIAOYANG ANON COME BACK

[livingecho-arch]

Hey guys i reallllly hate to do this but i'm running out of choices here but my phones gonna get turned off if i don’t pay 700 USD ( that's months of missed payments eek ) . i've tried for months to find a job only to get emails saying that i’m not a good fit , they went with someone else , or completely ghosting me . i really need my phone to try to get this job and for safety reasons . the little payments ive been doing aren’t working anymore ; 

so im pushing my commissions here in hopes i can at least make a dent in it and not get my phone turned off and that bill go in go collections ;;

here is a link to my ko-fi where i do my commissions ! there are add-ons on every type of commissions , including the new lineart option , the add-ons are for fullbody , extra characters and complex backgrounds ! 

i appreciate all of you guys –– even just reblogging this would mean a lot to me !

[everywishway]

My Top 5 Favorite Seasons of Dimension 20

Before I start, these are all great and they could alternate depending on my mood, especially the top three. I'm also watching Unsleeping City for the first time right now (im sorry. i know it's great, i just never got around to watching it because i was rewatching Fantasy High for the 10th time) so that's why it's not on the list.

Also, there is a poll at the end to see what everyone's favorite is out of these 5 choices and whichever wins I'm going to rewatch.

5. Misfits and Magic. My personal favorite of the shorter seasons (6-8 episodes). I loved all the cast members, they were all amazing but it just felt very rushed for me? Like, throw in a fifth episode for me just for the sake of pacing. The Tri-Wizard Tournament thing came out of nowhere and I think the pacing would've worked if they lead with the fact the Magical Misfits had to prove themselves to stay (and they had to do it too). I know the Headmistress was trying to blindsight them but anyone else could've mentioned it. Other than that, this was amazing. I love this and am trying to get my mom to watch it with me because she loves the books that shall not be named

4. Fantasy High Season One. It was really good and I love all of the Bad Kids so much it's not even funny. Bill Seacaster and Jawbone are my favorite NPCs in any TTRPG show ever and I love Fabian, Riz and Fig so much My main thing was the fight scenes. Fight scenes every other episode was a lot for me, someone who hates combat in my actual games of TTRPGS. I'm glad Brennan paced it so fight scenes were only every couple of episodes afterward, it made them feel more heavy and exciting that way.

3. The Seven. This season feels so underrated for some reason? No one ever talks about it, I never see fanart for it like I see the others on this list. All six Heroic Highschoolers did such a great job bringing their characters and teen struggles to life, it made me feel every single emotion at once. Two problems with this season though: One, no one played Zelda which I'm willing to forgive since they were playing it safe with covid regulations. Number two though is how much Sam Nightingale hogged screen time. Don't get me wrong, I love Sephie so much and she really made this season great, but I can't help but feel like she just got more attention that could've gone to other members of the Seven. Maybe it's the fact she got more one on one scenes since she was always talking to Zelda who was played by Brennan? At times it just felt like the Sam show and not an adventure about The Seven. But everyone go rewatch this though. I think I'm the only person who's rewatched it since it came out and I've rewatched it at least six times.

2. A Court of Fey and Flowers. Literally a perfect season. It has my personal favorite cast, amazing characters, and one of the best blends of humor and emotions a season of Dimension 20 could have. My only trouble is that parts of it don't have the rewatchability the other seasons have with all the secrets and rumors. I do still cry at Hob's confession though, even after the fourth time.

1. Fantasy High: Sophomore Year. I think this is one of, if not the best, seasons they have ever done. You get so much world-building for Spyre compared to other campaigns, you already know the characters so you spend more time fleshing them out and meeting new amazing side characters, like Ayda and Kalina, or fleshing out ones we already know, like Sandra-Lynn and Cathilda. I still openly sob every single one of the Bad Kid's troubles and I love them so much. Give me a season of the Bad Kids and The Seven, Brennan!

So, now that we're done, which is the best season out of these? Are there other The Seven lovers out there? IDK, VOTE!

[houseofbrat]

I will start by saying thank you. Im not sure what your stance is on this covid situation. My msg might be all over the place sorry. My feelings on this whole covid shit is everywhere. Second, Im about to flip out over more lockdowns. Third, in the trauma center I work at, I work in the ED where we have two separate departments—pediatrics and adults. I work for both. We are still seeing patients pop positive even when they have been fully vaxxed plus a booster and others that have popped positive (asymptomatic) but had covid 4 months prior but are fully vaxxed. This omicron variant, is more contagious but its not deadlier than the delta.

We are exhausted. Everyone is. I am fully vaxxed plus a booster but I did not want to get fired for not getting vaxxed because I care for my patients and this is what I love doing. I wanted to keep my job. Too many nurses walked out and these patients need nurses to care for them. Ofcourse it’s important to get vaccinated however, Im personally over getting any more boosters. People are still getting sick. Yes, I wear a mask everywhere I go and I havent had covid this entire time.

Within the last few months, Ive seen more kids are get infected. In the beginning back in 2020, almost no kid was tested for covid. But now, atleast half of our pediatric unit upstairs has covid+ kids and some are being moved to the intensive care units.

At this point, covid is the new flu. Its going to keep mutating. Lockdowns are pointless. We are double—sometimes triple masking, double gloving, face shields, gowns and nurses are still getting covid. We. Are. Done.

Our economy cant take it, our hospitals cant take it. At what point do you just say fuck it all? We cant keep locking countries down. I know, I know, this is bad coming from a nurse but so many of us are tired. I just watched 3 of my nurses get covid and were out for a week and theyve been fully vaxxed. All this “4th booster possible” is such horseshit. I know I seem all over the place with my feelings but I just say get vaxxed then be done and enough of the lockdowns. Let it run its course.

I will tell you right now, covid was no doubt here in the US in 2019. WITHOUT A DOUBT. Get vaxxed and let the shit run its course. Lockdowns wont stop anything. So yes, I am pro-vax, but enough of the lockdowns. I have always warn a mask since becoming a nurse so masks dont bother me.

I could vent some more but thats what I have at the moment.

Part 2

Yes, covid is real. But its the new flu. The government needs to get over it and stop with the lockdowns. Again, Ive worn masks since I began working in hospitals……I mean Im literally the first healthcare worker these patients see when coming into a hospital and some people that come through those doors are just sick as can be and Id rather not get whatever they have. (The mask also protects my identity as we have behavioral health patients that come through the doors and they will take pictures of us and stalk us (which they have done). A nurse a few years ago, was stalked by a behavioral health patient and that patient waited for her in the parking lot one night, smashed her head open with a crowbar and she later died in the ICU. That was definitely not the 1st nurse who has been attacked by a patient.)

But back to covid. The lockdowns are pointless. If you are asymptomatic, yes you can still pass it on but that should not restrict you from traveling. Its getting ridiculous at this point. If you arent vaxxed and dont want to be thats your choice. I am pro-vax, always have been. Im telling you first hand that people are still getting sick (vaxxed or not). I dont always wear a mask when Im out and about but this virus is here to stay and the governments cant keep shutting down the countries. I dont judge anyone who wears or doesnt wear a mask. Its a choice. Build the immunity and move forward. We cant keep shutting down.

I work in Massachusetts btw. We would not be here if the country just shut down when the immunologists were warning of a crisis. We shut down too late. Hell immunologists warned the hospitals in December 2019 that something bad was coming and management, supervisors, CEO etc laughed. January came around, they knew something was happening. Beginning of February, nurses were demanding a shut down to limit the spread and keep current patients safe. Nobody listened then all hell broke loose and now look where we are.

[asbestieos]

we used to be friends, way before, and like, wow, youve gone so far, proud of you

🥹🥹🥹 oh my goodness!! anon if youre who i think you are (i am somewhat confident in my silly hunch), im so happy to know youre still out there even if we dont talk anymore!!! admittedly i have the most terrible memory ever so i barely remember much of our time together (i wish i remembered more!! but as is, i cant even remember the last time i showered lmfao) but since its been such a long time, i hope its ok if i give you a Riley Life Update of the past.. two, three years? <- it feels like it has been longer than that 😭😭

2020!! i graduated!! i enrolled in school! i girlslayed hard! however due to World Events, i cant go to school in person and am relegated to online classes in my room </3 unfortunately im also in the deepest depths of my genshin phase and ran both my own And denver’s acc. sometimes i paid for her acc’s battlepass too it was bad DBDKBFJ

2021! girlslaying starting to fail from burnout and severe depression from being shut in! i passed my first semester exams with flying colors! i failed all but one of my second semester exams. also come january im both afflicted with covid and experiencing a bad bed bug infestation. #girlsuffering. i dropped out in the summer ^_^ this is when the terrible moodswings hit (i thought they were moodswings but as it turns out, i was incredibly emotionally unstable!! more on this later)

2022!! last year oh my gosh! denver and jasper/moth and i started talking about moving in together, which requires me to have money of course. so aprilish i get a job! i work at starbucks! i girlslay REALLY hard. i also start playing ensemble stars (the beginning of my curse……..). come july i had a massive breakdown and almost broke up with denver and our mutual friend group 👍 it was Bad bad.. but things worked out? <- this experience has led me to believe im probably a bpd haver becos of how wildly unstable i am. fun! crasy asf!

moving plans fall through as summer goes by, im still employed at my job, still havent gotten my license yet but it is ok i will get it soon, and come 2023, moving plans are back on!! hopefully will be seen-through ny the time summer comes…

tldr i have bpd, i dropped out and got a job, im gay a shit over idol bot gacha game, and by summer, ill hopefully be moved in with denver!! yeha those are the important updates! for me at least. randys in college now btw!!! in her sophomore year!! shes incredible truly! she lives on campus so i usually only see her once a month or so but shes literally awesome ^_^

very long update post and i made it all about me 💔 theres history between us that ive unfortunately forgotten and im sad that ive forgotten (then again i could always read back, but every time ive tried, ive only cringed at myself like OOGH is that me?? sickening) but im really glad to have gotten this anon!! if youre not the person i think you are thats okay and also i am sorry i assumed UEGEJVFDJF i needed this i think to try and reflect back on. the crazy ass time my newrly three years of adult life has been.. im 21 in july!!! crazy as hell!

i also hope the formatting is ok, i try to break up big paragraphs w/o starting a brand new one for the sake of readability <:] i think i mightbe learned that from you? i dont remember though guwbddjjd.. but i think about you on the occasion as i do with everyone ive ever met ever and im glad to know youre still kicking it like i am.. life is rough a hell 💔

theres not enough words i can say that can make up for not remembering us too well and also for saying and doing hurtful things to you if theres one thing ive not forgotten, its that i was not a very nice person way back when. but i hope now youre in a better place and you have friends who love you just as much as i did and still do!!

i have to go to work but uuwheuehehhehehrhfht thank you for reaching out anon i hope this post was nice to read and feel free to live in my inbox for forever, even if you wanna stay anonymous forever i dont mind! if youre not the person i was thinking of, rest well with the joy that youve given me a moment to reflect on myself euwhhwrh but if you ARE the person i was thinking of. im sorry i hurt you. and thank you!! i love you!! im glad you were a part of my life. i hope your day is good and your tomorrow is better!! live in my inbox if it pleases you!!

EDIT: FROGOR TO SAY IM PROUD OF YOU TOO 👍

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

[my-castles-crumbling]

Dancer anon advice

Hi all! Someone wrote me about some advice, I'm just copy and pasting it here so I can add a 'read more' line and format it a bit differently than usual so I can keep my thoughts in order!

Italics is their writing

Bold is mine

i noticed ppl were using this blog to ask about stuff, so here goes ig?

(also im sorry this was going to be me asking about gender stuff but now its just kinda my life story 😭 if you dont want to answer this, you can just write a post saying like. dancer anon i dont feel comfortable answering this or whatever)

Ahhhh, you all need to stop apologizing! I never mind helping!

im afab, and i feel like i never really fit in with gender? like, i would always be so jealous of my feminine friends but i didnt feel good when dressing feminine myself

i also take dance classes (i started at around 6/7) and i felt like i had to wear all the skirts and shit because i wanted to be pretty like the other dancers, and i felt really terrible after a few years of that, because i hated how i looked in them and how i looked when i danced

(i also used to have a dance teacher whos hands were always cold and thats all i can remember about him but i really hated dancing with him and would get relieved when classes were over. ive hated dancing with boys/men ever since)

and it got like. really bad. i believe? (my memory is actually terrible. i cant remember anything for the life of me, so it could be my mind overexaggerating, but anyways.)

i would always ask for me and my teacher to just do stretching because i hated how i looked when i danced because i hated the skirts and everything because i hate my legs and how they look when bare. i hated attending dance classes because people would see me and see my legs and see how i looked and i felt terrible all the time (i think i was around 9 or 10 at this age?)

so one day i had a whole crying fit and my dance teacher told me that i dont have to wear skirts or whatever, i can wear pants and shit (i was so fucking relieved. istg. i now wear skirts to dance only like. couple times a year maybe)

and then soon enough covid happened! (also keep in mind that i grew up like. really sheltered. i did not know what gay people/transgender people were until i read fanfiction about warrior cats 😭)

and i was so delighted! because on distance learning, no one would see me and be able to judge me for how i dress or whatever

at around this time, my fear of everyone masculine really grew. its still there. im fucking terrified of all men. i cant help it. like every boy man masculine person. i get so scared. i hate it. i hate it so much

but then covid came to a halt, yk, school started again .-. i felt like shit, honestly. i didnt have ANY clothes i felt comfortable in. my hair felt too long and "feminine" and i wanted to cut it for the longest time. my clothes made me feel terrible. i hated how the leggings would wear on my legs and how my sweaters would show my body shape and how my butt looked (i still really hate how it looks. why is it big. i dont want it to be i hate it so much)

yeah so there i am, feeling dysphoric as shit (i did not know what that was, back then, by the way, but i believe thats what i was feeling)

didnt help that my only friend was a toxic, lying, manipulating bitch who led people on for fun and always expected everyone to worship at her feet

after a while, i discovered different labels! (bisexual was the first label i had for myself. i felt good with it, ig?)

and then i got to the gender situation. i used so many girl alligned terms because i was so scared of being percieved as the very thing i am terrified of (masculine ppl). i went through demigirl, girlflux, genderfae, genderfluid, i beleive, maybe somethign else too, because i wanted to stay connected to being a girl.

Okay so here, I want to ask, what's the reason to wanting to say connected with being a girl? Is it feeling like you are partially a girl? Not wanting to be connected to masculinity? Not wanting to let go of the 'girlhood' that you grew up with? None of these reasons are bad but I think thinking about this more might help you figure out your gender.

around this time i started doing leader steps for dance. the euphoria i felt. please.

ahhhhh wait! I do ballroom, too! I'm a follower, though. what's your favorite? I LOVE tango. Okay, sorry, I got distracted.

found out i was a lesbian, used nonbinary but with she/they pronouns and felt like shit whenever anyone called me she but didnt want to make a big deal about using they

ooo, okay here- asking for your correct pronouns isn't 'making a big deal.' it's asking for what you need and asking for respect.

found out i was aroace because "people actually find video game characters attractive?" 😭

thought i might feel better as a boy? cut my hair. i loved it so much (i still do) (that was may of last year) got baggy clothes. covered up my figure. did leader steps for dance.

over the summer i started using labels such as agender? which i feel like fits me?

anyway, thats the life story part, now for the part about what the fuck am i

i feel like shit whenever im called a girl or refered to with feminine terms. im not sure if it would classify as dysphoria or not, becuase i dont feel /that/ bad about it, but it still ruins my mood and kinda makes me want to cry.

okay so here's the thing. not 'feeling THAT bad' doesn't mean anything. Dysphoria is dysphoria. and this is dysphoria. Just because you're not throwing up in a corner doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid.

if my grandma calles me granddaughter, girl, whatever in russian, it automatically ruins my mood. makes me feel terrible. i hate it.

i dont feel as bad when my sister calls me her sister, though, for some reason.

Okay! So for me, I hate being called a lady, but I don't mind my wife calling me her wife. Again, this is all completely valid <3

when i get called by she/her i hate it so much. i dont want to make a big deal about asking for they/them - sometimes my friends remeber, sometimes they dont.

ive never tried he pronouns, dont think i want to.

they/them pronouns dont give me that much euphoria either, its just like. ok

Okay! Have you tried neopronouns? If you're not interesting in those, it could just be that they/them is what feels best. And that's okay, too!

another thing. my friend has another nonbinary friend. she always genders them correctly, but almost never me. it makes me feel like shit, like she cares more about getting their pronouns than mine, even though i know that thats not a good mindset and shit.

*loud buzzer sound* wrong. Your friend should be gendering everyone correctly, not just some people. Good friends care about making their friends feel comfortable, and this friend is making you uncomfortable. Would you feel comfortable talking to them about it?

also, heres some more on my fear of men because who doesnt love being scared out of their wits irrationally :D

my dance teacher had to leave to go back to where she lives, so they gave me a male teacher (i tend to only have female ones.)

i would be in tears every lesson. i felt like shit. (also i hate the sound of peoples voices and he would always be talking and i hate it so much because his voice, amongst others, is one of the ones that hurts my ears the most.) i even went to my mom to ask her for a change which helped ig? my new teacher is really nice and i love her so,,, yeah

Okay, I want to stop here to say- a lot of this has to do with gender, right? But this particular response seems to be rooted in trauma. Without prying too much, I am wondering if there is something that happened with a man or masculine-presenting person or people? You do NOT have to share with me, but this might be something to explore with a trusted person in your life. I mean, there is a chance it's gender-related, but in the most loving way, there seems to be something deeper going on here.

anyway, you dont have to answer this, i was going to just ask for help with labels and feeling like theres no correct label for me (i use agender now, for simplicity, because i dont feel connected to having a gender at all)

So I guess my question is, how do you feel about the agender label? When I looked up the definition, it seems to be defined as exactly what you described- someone not having a gender at all.

Also, remember that your gender identity and expression are two different things! You can identify as agender (or any of the other things you mentioned) and still choose to dress however feels most comfortable and use whatever pronouns feel most comfortable. There are no set rules except: do what feels most genuine and comfortable!

if you do want to answer this but dont want to use this large of an ask on your blog, just call me dancer anon, i will see and understand 👍

again, sorry for dumping all of this on you

ahhhhhhh don't be sorry, you are a wonderful human!

have a wonderful day

you, too! please message me if you want to talk more! <3

[alientrashlord]

How is everyone ? Hope youre all doing well. Sorry i haven't been online in a long time. My dad had cancer for 3 years and then he caught covid pneumonia, passed away on December 1, 2020. My world has been flipped upside down. The man who wrote my dad's will did it wrong. I was suppose to keep 5 out of 21 acres that ive lived on since i was 3. Also i would get 65% of the rest of the property, his business, and machinery/tools. The problem is, he did not have two witnesses sign the paper at the same time. Plus the dates were not on the same day. So now, i have a 20+ older half sister that never ever wanted to do anything with my dad. Like he wasnt the best Damn dad on earth. So now i lost my dad, and my home. I'm still here for now but I have court on Friday with my cousin who stole a bunch of my dad's stuff. IF he brings it back before Friday we don't have to go. But i doubt it. Then either we find a high price buyer or it all goesto auction and it gets split 50/50 with me and her. I'm so afraid that I'm not going to get enough money to fully start over. And I'm so not ready to lose this place. My dad put his blood, sweat, and tears for 25 years into this place. It was all just swamp land and forest when we moved here. Now it is this beautiful home full of nature and peace. Then i quit my job in March and i havent been working since. Idk where I'm going to be moving to so I'm not sure where to find a job. I don't just want to quit on a company. We also had to get an eviction notice for this crazy bjtch living in an RV on the property. My electric use to be around 300$ a month but now it's over 2000!!!! And i can't pay that. Oh and I lose My temper all the time now and the whole day was bad and then I lost My fork when I was about to eat and i got mad and punched a wall. Broke my pinky knuckle, doctor called it a boxers fracture. I'm getting a cast for it tomorrow. OH AND MY SHITTY HALF SISTER IS TRYING TO BUY MY HOME TOO!!!! 😡😡😡😡😡

We didn't have a fridge for like the first 4 months after my dad died because the air compressor in it went bad. Our furnace took a shit too so now we don't have heat. Im hoping we can get in a place before winter. Im so afraid im going to have no place to go and have to live out of my car that has old stickers, no insurance, AND i havent been able to pay it so now theyre looking to repo it. I need a place in Michigan for me and my bf and our 12 cats and 2 dogs. Also if you live near Elkhart, IN and want a kitten let me know!! I'm hoping to keep at least 6 of them. I just love them all so much. I need a break.

😢😭😰😥😞

[artreider]

Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.

I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.

The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.

The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.

The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.

The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.

I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.

Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.

Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.

I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.

Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.

Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.

Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.

Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.

Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.

Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.

Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.

I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.

Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.

This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.

Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.

I understand travis emotion here.

How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???

I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.

Dean you shouldve spoken up there.

Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.

Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.

That poor boy.

The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.

So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.

Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.

I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.

I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.

Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.

I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.

Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.

Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.

Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.

Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.

Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.

I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.

Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.

I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.

Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.

Another healing theo and travis talk.

Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.

Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.

This jack and andy conversation is interesting.

This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.

Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.

It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.

Ben and bailey are so cute.

Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.

Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.

Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.

Too late dean, they tried to tell you.

I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.

Time for the horrible news ugh.

Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.

Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.

Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.

[doubleminor]

i just started watching hockey (like 3 days ago) and what’s going on with the sabres?

welcome to hockey!!! i hope you have fun watching hockey, if u have any questions about it pls feel free to pop in and i’ll do my best to explain anything u might wanna know! anyways, sabres stuff is...down below, i got a little longwinded, sorry hahah

--

first of all, for context, the sabres are one of eleven teams that have never won the stanley cup, and were inducted into the league in like, 1970.

they’ve been one of the bottom teams in the league for the past couple of years (they haven’t had a very good winning percentage, been p consistently at the bottom. and in case u were wondering what winning percentage means, it’s calculated by adding wins to one-half ties, then dividing by games played. “the estimated probability that team A will defeat team B in a given matchup”)

it doesn’t help that the buffalo sabres have not made the playoffs since the 2010-11 season, which means they’ve missed the playoffs for nine (soon to be ten) seasons. they hold the longest active playoff drought in the NHL atm, and they haven’t made a stanley cup finals appearance since ‘99, which is a 20 season drought. for the record, 16 out of 31 teams make the playoffs every year (covid exception), so to not have made the playoffs in so long...ouch.

plus the ‘99 stanley cup finals was a whole ‘nother issue, it was between the buffalo sabres and the dallas stars, there’s a whole controversy about it because of a goal, you can read about it right here. (tldr the last time the sabres made a cup final was a Thing, kinda rubs salt in the wound a little)

BASICALLY the sabres have had some rough patches in recent years, and then it’s all blown up since...about when the pandemic started?

as for the sabres thing...so @goalofsson​ made a really good timeline of when stuff started to go down, definitely take a look for the details. highlights include:

pegulas, current owners of the sabres, fire a shit ton of people and refuse to pay arena employees during covid19, they’re basicallysuper not great at being good owners basically

sabres goalie carter hutton reveals that he had played the ‘19-’20 season with an eye problem (aka playing injured!!! during the season!! bad!)

sabres GM jason botterill is fired, everyone and their grandma is fired, someone gets rehired bc presumably he was fired accidentally in the mass firings, pegulas make a horrible PR move and say they promoted their new GM cos they’re “more familiar with him”

harborcenter boards need to be replaced because when they melted the ice in march they didn’t monitor the HVAC system properly, leading to the boards warping, etc. this solidly puts buffalo out of being a potential playoff hub city out of contention.

then starting w the start of this season / during the pandemic break, sabres make some moves, sign taylor hall to a Very Large contract, sign eric staal and a couple other people, etc. etc.

for context, sabres now have some pretty talented players on their roster, including 2018 first overall pick rasmus dahlin, 2015 second overall pick jack eichel (who also happens to be the captain), they’ve got taylor hall, jeff skinner, victor olofsson, eric staal, etc. (if you don’t know who these players are thats fine just know that they’re good players)

and then the season starts. sabres are playing in the “east division”, which means they’re up against some pretty stupid strong teams, like the washington capitals, boston bruins, pittsburgh penguins, philadelphia flyers, new york islanders, new york rangers, and new jersey devils. 

the season starts, and they start playing. they aren’t doing too hot. 

as of when im writing this ask, mar. 17, 2021, the new york islanders are 2nd (42pts) in overall NHL league standings, caps are 5th, pens are 8th, etc. 

the sabres as of right now are 31st in the league. aka in last place of all the teams. 

they have 16 points. they’ve gone 6-18-4, meaning they’ve won 6 games, tied for 4 games, and lost 18 games out of 28 games played.

they’re currently on a 12 game losing streak. 

additionally, there’s some really obvious miscommunication between the club, the head coach, and the captain of the team, which i hope we can all infer is very bad. jack eichel, the captain, has been out with an ubi for a bit, but when he was first out, when media asked about it, head coach ralph krueger said that jack had missed morning skate due to an injury sustained in warmups, but jack himself later contradicated HC krueger and said that he had been injured in new jersey, not during warmups. (source)

and then there’s MORE drama when one of the top sabres player, jeff skinner, is benched and made a healthy scratch (aka he’s healthy but they’re making him sit out of the game) for like, three games in a row. (x, x) admittedly, jeff skinner hadn’t been doing very well and only had one point (he had an assist and 0 goals) in the fourteen games the sabres had played so far, but when you aren’t given the opportunity to play...idk, you tell me how you get points without playing in a game. 

AND lets not forget that yeah, this is The Pandemic Season, so of course sabres are going to get embroiled in some covid drama because why not! 

basically, the new jersey devils were at one point in time, shut down by the NHL and their games were postponed because all their players got covid. 12 out of 17 devils that were placed on the COVID list had just played against the sabres on ice during the weekend (before the weekend, 2 devils were on covid protocol and in quarantine). the sabres, who were concerned about playing the devils during the weekend, had asked that the NHL / devils give them more information but never received any information. shortly after playing the devils, the sabres began testing positive for covid, one after one. 

the sabres eventually were also put on hold by the NHL and had most of their roster, including players and coaches, test positive for covid. one of the dmen, rasmus ristolainen, explained what having covid was like for him, and it’s really scary. he “says there were nights where his symptoms were so bad he didn’t know if he was going to wake up in the morning. He’s 26.” Also that “'When there was chest pain,” Ristolainen told Ilta-Sonomat, “it felt like my heart was cracking as I walked up the stairs.’” that’s fucking terrifying and i hate it. 

+ the sabres fanbase has lots of criticism for the way the club is currently being handled, goalofsson also has some posts you can read here, here, and here. john vogl from the athletic posts an article: “Former Sabres captains weigh in on team’s woes: ‘A whole new kind of unwatchable’”, here are some highlights, which i hope emphasize the point that everyone, even former sabres captains, are sad and tired and experiencing Feelings about this club: 

and then recently a buffalo newspaper posted an article ranking the bufflalo sabres at the dead last of their rankings, even under the seattle kraken, an expanion team that doesn’t exist yet. 

and and and sabres opened up the arena to fans to come watch games. that seems fine right? no no it isn’t lmao because “The Sabres announce tickets to the March 20 game against Boston will go on sale to the general public today. So, that means season-ticket holders declined to purchase all 1,970 tickets.” read the whole thread and initial tweets about it, it’s a doozy, and here’s an article on it if that tickles your fancy. 

when a fanbase that has faithfully stuck with the team after almost a decade of not reaching the playoffs, through very tough history (you can read about the sabres history on their wikipedia page for an overview of their entire history), decides that even they are tired and disappointed and sad, i think that says something. 

and then now finally they’ve fired head coach ralph krueger as of...a couple of hours ago. interim HC seems to be assistant coach Don Granato, there’ll be a new conference in an hour from GM kevyn adams w more info. edit: in general the consensus is that the firing is a good thing i forgot to add that part

basically, the sabres have reached rock bottom and seem like they aren’t digging their way out of it anytime soon. which as a sabres fan, is really really depressing. (’:

oh also the sabres AHL minor league affiliate team have postponed games and practices due to covid rn so that’s a dead end for the sabres too oopsies

[yeahimaloser]

Demon Love

Incubus/demon!Hawks X introvert!reader

First, I wanted to say thanks to everyone who liked my first ever post on here, don’t worry I’m still working on part 2! Thank you all so much!!

Alright, because today is in fact Halloween I decided to do an Incubus/demon Hawks. Basically, Hawks was your only real friend, but he convinces you to go out on halloween to a random party, where Hawks tells you something important…

Ok so in this story there is mention of a party and I wanted to make it clear I do NOT condone going to a party in a pandemic. Please just pretend that covid doesn’t exist in this time line ok :)

Also I did upload this earlier but something went wrong with it so im re-posting it sorry!! like I said I low key new here.

Warnings: cursing, light angst, some fluff

Enjoy! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn’t really like people. Not all of them, but most were just so… annoying. Most days you just wanted to roll up into a ball and watch a bunch of anime. But, you were so lonely. So, it was a battle in yourself, you didn’t want to be lonely and yet you just didn't like people.

That's when Hawks came into your life. When you came home and saw a demon laying on your couch, you freaked out. But then you two got down to talking and he told you why he was here in your home.

“Well, to be completely honest I just got bored. And well, I thought someone who was so lonely, and yet craved human affection would be the perfect person to crash with.”

And so it began, to call your friendship weird would be an understatement. 

And yet, you both found comfort in each other. You would rant to him about people that pissed you off and talked about your favorite shows.

And he would tell you about how boring he found his life, how dumb he thought other demons were.

You two were not lonely anymore, you had eachother now.

One day, you two were just mindlessly watching anime and talking, when all of a sudden Hawks paused the show and turned to you.

“Hey, I heard about this human halloween party,” he looked at you with his stunning eyes. In fact, you would argue that every part of Hawks was stunning. His beautiful blond hair, his angelic wings, and even his demonic horns.

You gave him a questioning look, “ok?”

Hawks rubbed his neck, he never really said anything about you not having a tone of human friends. If he didn’t like it he sure as hell didn’t express it to you.

In fact, you thought he preferred it. He wasn’t needed or anything, but you got the sense he did enjoy your presence. 

If he didn’t then why would he stay up till 1 a.m with you as you both watched old anime re-runs and laughed so hard about random shit. 

For once in your life you allowed yourself to feel comfort in another person. Well, maybe not a person per say. But still, you deeply enjoyed Hawkses presence, so much so you found yourself falling in love with him.

In fact, you remembered exactly when you feel for him.

You weren’t having the best day, you came home exhausted and just totally drained. 

You walked through the door and Hawks immediately picked up on the fact that something was wrong with you.

So when you sat down he asked you about it, and you just burst into tears.

That was the first time he held you, you felt so safe in his arms. The sensation was like hugging a warm fire. He just felt so warm.

After you finally calmed down a little, Hawks tried to get you to talk to him. He made terrible jokes just to get your mind off it. He even offered to cook you dinner. 

But instead you just buried your face into his chest, not wanting to leave his warm embrace. He gently stroked your back, trying to soothe you. 

After so long of knowing Hawks, you realized you didn’t really know him that well. you looked up at him and finally asked, “Hawks, why did you really come here?” 

Hawks was taken aback by your question, which was understandable since the question came out of nowhere. But he relaxed with a sigh. Maybe it was because of how long and how hard you sobbed, but he seemed to pity you a little bit. Still holding you close, he said, “well, from where I’m from I’m actually the 2nd highest ranking demon. But I don’t know,  everything moved so slow for me. I mean, I wasn’t completely lying to you when I told you about how I was bored and wanted someone to talk to. But really, I don’t know I was just kinda… drawn to you.”

He smiled down at you, making you feel right at ease…

And then you feel for the stupid demon.

“Why are you bringing this up,” you asked defensively.

Hawks just gave you that stupid smile, that stupid, heart racing, beautiful smile. “I don’t know, I just thought it would be fun.”

You gave him a questioning look. To which he proceeded to boop your nose, “really, Halloween would probably be the only time I could ever go out into the human world with you.”

The bastard had a point. But still, you got a bad feeling…

“You promise you're not up to anything?”

He put his hand to his heart, “you have me word.”

You smiled at him, “ok yeah. Maybe this’ll be fun, ohhhh what should my costume be? Wait, how will we get in? Also, how did you find out about this party?”

He just gave you a silly laugh at your questions.

But little did you know, he was planning something.

And little did you know how sorry he was for it 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Hawks went as demons.

Mostly because you at least wanted to be careful. But also because you two thought it would be fun.

And although it was, you did end up burning yourself with a hot glue gun trying to get the wings to look like Hawks’s. To which Hawks told you that he would finish the wings.

“You burned yourself!? Here give me that,” he snached the hot glue gun from you. Before you could tell him off he said, “demons can’t burn dummy. Now go finish up the rest of the custom. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

That last statement made your heart race a little. 

You shook your head and tried to get back to work.

So yeah, here you two were, in a random party with people you don’t even now.

At first, you just clung to Hawks, not wanting to leave his side, too nervous to talk to anyone else. But Hawks seemed like a social butterfly with everyone around him. But you weren’t too shocked about that. The man just had a way of making everyone around him like his presence. 

But you? You just wanted to leave. The party was loud and so… so full of people.

“Come on dove, go out and meet some people.”

You looked at him quizzically, “Why would I? I have you dumby.”

And with that, you went off to get some punch and maybe some snacks.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hawks sighed, he really didn’t want to have to do this. But he knew this was the right thing, the right thing for the both of you.

As you went off to go get punch, Hawks turned around to leave.

He wanted to stay, he wanted to say goodbye, he wanted to hug you close to him one more time.

But he couldn’t. And he knew that.

But that didn’t mean he wasn't unbelievably sad to leave you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You couldn’t find him anywhere.

And now you were panicking. 

Did something happen to him? Was he hurt? No he was a demon, and he was the 2nd highest demon. He could take care of himself.

So then what? Where was he? Did you do something wrong?

Eventually you just left. In fact, you practically sprinted home. Maybe he was at home, maybe he just got tired and forgot to tell you. Yeah, that had to be it!

Just as you rounded a corner, you heard him, “What are you doing?”

You turned towards him, and gave him a relieved look, “Oh thank God, you had me scared for a sec-”

“I asked you a question,” he said, cutting you off.

It was then when you realized his expression. He looked down right pained, like something was hurting him.

“Hawks? Are you ok? I came looking for you,” now you were getting even more concerned.

He gritted his teeth, “Yeah, well I didn’t ask you too.”

You were taken aback, Hawks had never been mean to you ever. Even when you two argued, he never got this mean. 

He continued, “Seriously, just back off ok? Go and make really friends. I don’t want to be some fake friend to you.”

“What,” the hurt in your voice seems to pain Hawks even more. “Why are you doing this? You are my friend. What are you talking about? Did I… did I do something wrong?”

Hawks clenched his fists, “No, that's not-”

“Then why?!” the hurt in your voice even surprised you, “I thought we were so close I-”

But Hawks cut you off, not with his words but with his lips. He held your head, kissing you deeply. You were shocked by just how warm his lips were. It was almost like he lost himself in your lips, so when you made a muffled sound it seemed to bring him back to reality. 

He opened his eyes and pulled away, he could see how completely shocked you were.

He took a shaky breath, “I- I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.”

You were still shocked but managed to speak, “what the Hell... you can’t just tell me you don’t want to be friends and THEN KISS ME!” now you were screaming. “MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND,” you screamed at him.

Hawks was taken aback, but held his ground, “I don't- I don’t want you to get hurt. I-I need to leave, but I didn’t want you to be lonely again. I want you to have someone. I want you to be happy”

Your anger soon boiled down to confusion. “What,” you asked him.

“I- I’m hurting you so much just by being here,” he paused for a second, “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I couldn’t help it! When I first came here, to this stupid world, It was out of per bordem. But then I found you and I guess I just fell in love! But I can’t be in love with you, it could never work. A demon and a human, please, don’t make me laugh. I would be putting you at so much risk. Ane even if we wanted to be together, I mean the odds are imposi-”

Now it was your time to kiss him. And as soon as you did? It was like he melted right into you. Holding you close to him as you combed your fingers through his hair. He hugged you closer to him as you did so. The sensation was damn near intocacting. When the two of you had stopped, you were both out of breath.

“I love you too,” you stated. Hawks looked up at you, eyes filled with shock. “And I don’t care, screw the odds, who gives a damn.” you smiled at him.

Hawks just laughed, “After my whole little speech that's what you took away from it?”

But you just smiled lovingly, “Sorry, I guess I just don’t give a damn.”

For a few seconds he didn't answer, but then he smiled, “Well if that's the case, then I’ll tell you my real name, It’s Keigo, Keigo Takami.”

You sighed, “Keigo huh,” you leaned in, your lips hovering softly over his, “I love it.” and you kissed your demon love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is this cringy?? Probably, but I enjoyed writing it so I hope you enjoyed reading It! 

Have a fun and SAFE Halloween!! <3

[angstysebfan]

PR Stunt Gone Wrong - Chapter 24

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: You are a fellow actress in the MCU, Bucky’s love interest. You met Seb during the CA: WS and you guys hit it off. Chemistry on and off the set, but never dated until after Infinity War. During filming of FATWS, the pandemic caused everything to shut down. Seb offered you to spend quarantine with him, but somewhere along the lines, things go wrong and Seb makes a PR decision.

A/N: I was going to to this in a Bucky story, but then I decided to keep it Seb. With everything going on with Seb over the last several months, I came up with this story in my head. Obviously a lot of this is made up, but it is using what we know Seb has been doing over the last several months.

Seb wakes up in his Tulum hotel room and looks over to see Ale sound asleep next to him. After wrapping up filming in Prague, his agent told him that he was to go to Mexico with Ale for a few weeks to vacation. They were to keep a low profile until the perfect moment.

They have been there for almost 2 weeks, and he has barely said a word to her. Ever since that day on set where she attacked you, he didn’t want to deal with Ale. He couldn’t wait until everything was done and over with. After that conversation with you on the phone, all he wanted was to go back to New York and hopefully see you. He knows that the chances of him winning you back are slim, but god if he wont at least try.

He feels Ale stir and quickly gets up and heads to the bathroom. He hated that he had to share a room with her, it’s bad enough what he has to do today. He remembers when his agent called and told him what the plan was.

“You have to do this Seb. It’s been too long with you guys out of the spot light.” his agent said. “Does the fact that I don’t like her mean anything to you guys? I mean I know she is paying you, but I’m over this. I’ll pay the damn fine, but end the contract,” Seb says annoyed. “Sebastian, we have a lot of things lined up for you with some A list directors and actors. That’s what you want, right? And remember what happens if you don’t do what we say,” he agent warned.

“Leave Y/N out of this. It’s bad enough you made me break her heart, but you are still holding her career over my head if I don’t do what you say?” Seb yells. “We are doing what is best your you and Ale. She wants to make it, and this is how it will happen. You agreed to the terms. ALL the terms,” his agent stresses.

Seb rolls his eyes, “Well I’m not sleeping with her anymore, so if you want to hurt me because of that, then go right on ahead. Just leave Y/N out of this,” Seb says. “I’ll do this last thing, but then that’s it. I’m done!” Seb yells before hanging up.

Seb changes into his bathing suit and heads out to the beach to write. He started writing every day since arriving to Mexico. Mostly letters to you, telling you how sorry he is, again. He laughs at himself knowing how much you don’t want to hear it again. So he writes it in letters, like a journal. Ale eventually makes her way out to him and sits by his side.

“There is a person over my right shoulder with a camera. Make it look like you actually want to be with me,” she says. Seb rolls his eyes at the statement, “And when do the other guys show up?” he asks putting his hand on her leg. “In an hour or so. You will make it look like you love me. You will hold me and kiss me,” she says as she scratches the back of his neck. After a few minutes he separates himself to continue writing his daily letter to you.

--

You wake up with Chase’s arms wrapped around you, and can’t help but snuggle into him. It was your last day in LA, as you decided it was finally time to head back to New York and get some separation from everything and everyone. You feel lips on your forehead causing a lazy smile. You look up into beautiful blue eyes, “Morning handsome,” you say. He smiles, “Morning beautiful. Are you sure you have to leave?” he asks.

Your smile slips slightly, as a part of you does want to stay here, but you know if you are going to make a real decision about Chase, you needed to think freely. “Yes, but who knows... maybe I will be back sooner than you think,” you say giving him a peck on the lips. He chuckles, “I hope so. I know this was only supposed to be physical, but I think we both know the feelings are real here,” he says.

“I know. This is what I was afraid of. I don’t want to hurt you,” you say looking down. “Hey,” he says bringing your eyes to his, “I will support whatever decision you make. I will be happy just being your friend, if that is what you truly want. I meant it when I said that you need to think,” he says. You crash your lips passionately into his. After several minutes you both pull away panting. “I should get going if I’m going to catch my flight,” you say.

--

You are sitting at the airport, waiting to board your flight when you decide to check out social media. There in all his glory is Seb kissing that bitch. The anger you feel is so real that if you could, you would reach into the picture and pull her off of him from her hair and enjoy you scream. You are pulled from your thoughts when Seb’s lawyer called you.

“Hello Y/N, how are you dear?” the kind man asks. “I’m doing ok, how is everything over there?” you ask. “I’m working hard to get this done for you. I really feel like we have a good case and no one would deny you what you are due.” he says. “Well that’s good to hear. I appreciate your hard work,” you say.

“Oh it’s nothing dear. Any friend of Sebastian’s is a friend of mine,” he says, which you roll your eyes to. “I was calling to see if you will be available to come into the office for a sworn statement sometime next week?” he asks. “Oh, well I am actually on my way back to New York now. So as long as my COVID tests are negative, which they should be since I was inside the whole time, then yes, I can do that,” you say.

“Oh good! Well let me know if there are any issues. Sebastian will also be coming in, so we can get both of your statements done at once. Call me in a few days, ok?” he asks. “Yea, sure. No problem,” you say before bidding him goodbye and hanging up. Of course Seb will have to be there at the same time. Maybe you can move your appointment to another time? Or just get it over with and then get your separation. 

You just can’t wait until this whole thing is done. CAA and Ale don’t know who they messed with.

--

Chapter 23 / Chapter 25

I had to! Lol! I had to use the Mexico pictures and talk about it. I had to! Feedback is appreciated.

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