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sunseteyes · 4 years ago

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the inevitability of you and me

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ STARRING: kenma kozume; gn!reader

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ THEMES: soulmates!au, highschool to college timeskip, unrequited love (read thru the ending:)), kinda angst but not much, fluffy too

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ WORD COUNT: 7.7k words (look who was totally biased and posted the most word count for this blog yes i love kenma so what)

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ SYNOPSIS: this is not your regular soulmates au where they met and fell in love. in this story, (y/n) and kenma met, but only one fell in love. would this be a tragic love story or will fate be stronger than them all?

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ INTERMISSION: this is a collab with @yamagucji and several other writers, i reblogged the masterlist so you guys can just check it out, the plots were all very interesting i might read them too when i have time:) also, this serves as my goodbye fic here in this blog. as i have posted before, i am leaving sunseteyes and basically this account, but i am not deactivating. i might come back as a new blog, but i won’t be revealing it unless i knew it was the right time. i have a new writing style, honestly so it might be hard to hunt me anytime soon. for now though i am focusing on writing for ao3 since i’ll be posting oc fanfictions in the next few weeks hehe. i am currently addicted to xiao of genshin and pls pray for me that i’ll roll him this week!!! aaa xiao pls come home to me baby T_T anyway, hope you all would enjoy! i gave my full effort writing this fic and yes, it’s my longest oneshot yet. goodbye everyone, and happy valentines day!

the day you met kenma was the very first time that you saw the sunset.

orange. you’ve never really appreciated it much during the first few years of your life. why? well, it’s not like you’ve ever seen it before. sunsets, the orange fruit, tangerines, carrots, begonias, chrysanthemums, marigolds, tulips, you didn’t get to see any of them. and yet, if you were asked, you only had gotten used to everything since it was merely inevitable, something that you couldn’t change even if you wanted to--even if anyone does, anyway.

soulmates. another term that you learned at an early age throughout your life.

“mom? why can’t i see oranges and golds?”

the scene replays in your mind, your voice as a little child still engraved in your memory as if it had only happened yesterday. and then came your mother’s voice.

”what do you mean, (y/n)?”

“my classmates could see them, also the color of the sun when it sets during the afternoon to welcome the night, opening the gates made of clouds, letting the moon in and the sun out. at that time, you could remember how everyone kept talking about watching sunsets together and when you joined your friend one afternoon, you were curious and envious at how your friend was able to see the beauty of that moment, and you couldn’t sure, the sky was beautiful, but with the mixture of the darkened version in your sight, you always fail to see and appreciate what other people are astonished of.

to be honest, you felt lonely, in some way.

that day when you asked your mother about it, your mother told you of the story of her and your father-- their love story, she said. that was when you had gotten curious about your own soulmate. with the way your mother was talking, the way her eyes were sparkling without a presence of a dominant light, or the way she was smiling the whole time, looking dreamy as she recalls in her mind of how everything came to be--it made you think if it would be the same for you. you were excited, of course.

meeting kenma, it seemed like it came from a fairytale book you’ve read from the library, or watched from a disney movie, to be honest.

from what you could recall, it was supposedly a normal day for you--it all starts with a normal day until something unexpected happens and your perspective would change of the day itself. it’s how fast people change their mind, and for you, it was the same.

you were coming home from school, just taking your usual walk from the train station as you were enjoying the way the music fills your ears and calms your mind, the fresh air traveling from your nose to your lungs, before then getting distributed to your body and eased muscles, all the stress from your school being pushed to the back of your mind, letting yourself rest and pull away, even just for a little while.

and then, he catches your eye.

it happened so suddenly, like the lightning striking the two of you the moment your eyes met, and then, everything was just silent. then, it all comes back with a clap of thunder, reality rushing in.

you were blinded for a minute or two, because the golden hues from behind him caught your attention, ripping you away from his eyes, only for your mouth to hang open when you saw the sight behind him.

the sunset--it was beautiful.

there was a sense of peace and calm that overcame your entire body, like a flower emerging, blooming under the sun and the atmosphere, beholding its beauty into this ugly, cruel world.

the sight almost made you forget of the situation that you had gotten yourself in. for others, this very moment’s focus would have been directed towards the person who was the reason for such a beautiful sight, even asking them to watch and urging them to tour around the place to find the colors that neither had the luxury to see.

your story was different--you were different.

kenma knew that very well by then, and yet instead of being disappointed by it, he felt the opposite.

he marvels at the sight, not of the sunset itself, but of you. he was enamored of the beauty of the flower that showed itself to him.

for him, the story was different. it is to the point that if anyone would ask your “soulmate story,” you would point out how you’ve watched the sunset, and kenma might say he watched it with you--but we all know it’s not the sunset for him.

“what’s your name?” it was you who spoke first, turning to look at him fully, one thing that you should have done minutes ago. you even thought that he already left you for making him wait, thinking that he might have not noticed the sudden change that you felt and saw. when you did see him still standing there, looking directly at you and meeting your eyes just like he did earlier, it was when you finally opened your lips to talk.

you were interested in him, of course, but not the same way that normal people would probably feel and think. you were curious of the thought of him as your soulmate, that’s all.

like earlier, it was different for him.

“kenma,” he replied, swallowing the lump on his throat that almost made him stutter his own name. “kenma kozume”

“nice to meet you,” you say, raising your hand hesitatingly, offering a small smile before saying your name, introducing yourself to this stranger that was deemed to be your soulmate by the universe, or by fate, or by anyone out there who was assigned to do the job of figuring out who your soulmate is.

you questioned that idea, to be honest. from when you were a child to high school and even the future, you had so many questions, but now that you found your “soulmate,” you couldn’t seem to voice them out in excitement.

it just feels… very different; unreal.

is he certainly your soulmate?

“do you uhm-want me to-”

“do you want to go drink coffee? i’m free anytime so the day depends on you.” you interrupted him, knowing full well what he was going to say anyway. he had this look on his face that told you about it, yet you didn’t know how you were so sure why so.

“yeah, sure,” he responded, fiddling with his fingers absentmindedly. “that… sounds nice.”

you smirked, “you don’t seem pleased at all. why?” you wanted to tease him if he did not like your appearance, but you held it back, not wanting to turn him off just yet. maybe it’s because you were afraid that he may regret being your soulmate or not, but you concluded it that way anyway.

“it’s not-i’m not... displeased,” he argues weakly. you couldn’t even stop yourself from chuckling in response to the way this timid boy was acting. he looked cute, you do admit that, but it all just seems so fast that your mind was still catching up on the events of today.

“well, it is indeed nice to meet you, kozume-kun. i’ll get going now.” you waved at him and turned away, but before you could step forward, he suddenly spoke clearly and much louder than he had since earlier.

“kenma, ‘ he says, “you… you can call me kenma instead.”

you could remember yourself smiling back then, liking how he had a sudden change of demeanor. you were amused, to be honest.

that’s why you faced him again, flashing him a smile before, “see you next time, kenma.”

his name felt different when you said it, and you knew it might have been the fact that you two were bound to a title that everyone else has to their supposedly significant other, not even having time to decide for themselves whether it is real or not.

for you, you thought about those too late. at first, you assumed that everything would go well--that merely just a title of being “soulmates” was enough for this kind of relationship--if you would even call it that--to work.

when you met him the next time and the next few times, he wasn’t bad. he was quite interesting, you could say. despite being an introvert and addicted to games, he only says necessary words or statements, knowing what he should and shouldn’t say. he could be straightforward though, but you liked that about him.

still, something feels wrong.

the more that you two went on dates or met each other, you were feeling as if things were not quite enough. no, it’s not about kenma, not at all. he’s just a sweet boy who had been tied to someone like you--someone who could never give him what he wants and deserves. you liked kenma as a person, but it was just not enough to cross the line for lovers to confirm how much they feel towards their partner or partners.

it was not because of him, but it was definitely because of the two of you.

like walking on an upwards hill and immediately finding yourself falling, that’s how you could describe what you felt towards kenma. no, it’s not about you falling in love with kenma, close, but not quite. it was how you hoped into having those feelings--falling in love, only for your hopes to drop down, pulled by gravity as you found yourself not even near that.

you were not falling in love with kenma, and yet he was falling in love with you.

you resented the soulmate bond, honestly. you hated how unfair it was for kenma, but also to you, who was bound in this “red string of fate,” as if you were arranged to marry this boy without any other choice. you hated it.

“why? why do you think so?”

you sipped from your drink, eyes averting to the person in front of you, contemplating about the question before placing down the cup on the table, still not ready to answer.

“what do you mean why?” you questioned, despite already knowing what your friend meant with that question. it was one of your ways of trying to buy time. you’ve used this kind of tactic often more times than not, and mostly, it’s because of how indecisive you are, and it can be shown with how much you’ve been trying to stall in this “relationship” with kenma.

“you know what i mean,'' natsu says, her eyes wide open, showing interest in the topic, obviously since it was because of soulmates. not everyone finds their soulmate as young as thirteen, and natsu herself knows that.

“why have i still not fawned over kenma like any other person towards their newly-found soulmate?” you say, adding a bit of a sarcastic tone, tired of the question from being asked about it countless times from your other friends. “well, i just can’t, as simple as that.”

“i mean,” natsu leans to her chair, pouting her lips and crossing her arms, “how can you not fall in love with your soulmate? maybe he’s not-”

“he’s my soulmate,” you immediately interject, “only he has eye colors like that, i’m pretty sure he’s the person that fate tied me with til the day i die.”

natsu frowns, “but he’s four years older than you.”

“and you’re three years younger than me.” you pointed at her, sipping from your cup again. you then looked at your wristwatch, pushing yourself from the chair. “i gotta go. kenma wants to meet me at the front of his school.”

“oh are you going to have dinner at a restaurant again?” she queries, making you shrug your shoulders.

“most likely,” you say, taking off to ride the bus and to where his school was. since you were of lower grade, it was you who usually comes out first, your schedule much shorter and let’s say, much free. whereas he, since he’s a high school student, he was busier. although, that didn’t affect you much since it’s not as if you always look forward to seeing him and being with him. for you, he’s like a friend that you only just met and got connected with, not someone whom you could label as crossing the line of that said friendship.

“i see that you’re here to see kenma again.” it was kuroo who you heard and saw first, considering from his height and build that he was not that unrecognizable and unnoticeable. it’s really hard not to miss him, honestly.

“hello.” you greeted, not giving him a chance to further tease you and his friend, immediately going straight in front of kenma. “let’s go?”

smiling at kuroo when he greeted goodbye, you and kenma stepped away, walking side by side.

“i feel bad for the both of them.” kuroo says, watching you and his friend from afar, making sure it was not heard by either of you.”

“shouldn’t you feel worse to kenma? it’s obvious he’s the one who likes them.” yaku, one of those who have been a witness to you and kenma’s relationship questions, the mere thought making him frown.

“it’s not their fault,” kuroo mutters, turning to walk away as well, yaku the following suit. “it’s not as if it was their choice to be suddenly entangled with someone whom you could only identify in just a split second.”

the walk home was silent at first, as per usual. it was always you who initiated the conversation since you noticed how he was still not that comfortable in that. in his mind, he’s probably still contemplating what to say and how to say it. to do him a favor, you’d start it anyway.

you cared for the older boy, that’s for sure. he was a kind person and you’re flattered of how he’d basically do anything for you. you two are not in a serious relationship for the simple reason that you two were still young, and you think kenma also knows that you didn’t like him back as much as he does.

“do others tease you about finding your soulmate too?” you question him, natsu’s words echoing in your mind, recalling how your other friends do the same, so interested in your own business to mind theirs.

“uh-not really, i don’t have… that many friends.” he answered, “why? were you?”

you hummed, shrugging your shoulders. “apparently, not many people get to meet their soulmates around my age. do you think i’d get a guinness record? maybe i should apply for one.” you muse, kenma finding himself getting familiar with the way you used that tone again. for a reason, he doesn’t feel pleased with it, but of course, he would not tell it to you, he simply couldn’t change your mind and your thoughts towards the “soulmate thing.” he knows you were not liking this setup, it was fairly obvious. yet, he couldn’t just leave you and find another person, or maybe stay single his whole life. he likes you, and he couldn’t do anything else to change that. still, it doesn’t stop the fear that creeps inside of him, slowly crawling and wandering by his chest, as if it was hugging his heart and lungs, suffocating him.

“would we stay friends even if you leave me?” he wanted to ask. of course, there were other people who were like you, not appealed by their soulmates so they left them. kenma reads all of those stories, finding himself reading them at nights when he overthinks about not being good enough for you.

instead, he questioned, “do you want me to walk away?”

and again, under a sunset, you stared into kenma’s eyes, scanning them as you wondered what could’ve been his thoughts for him to say those sudden words.

“do you want to?” you repeated, partly because you were unable to think of an answer to his question. for some reason, despite not having any sort of romantic feelings towards him, he still was someone you have a connection with--the only one, your only soulmate.

kenma looks away, unable now staring up at the sunset, recalling full well of the memory when you and he first met, only for you two to separate under the same skies, colors, and light, all because he was willing to give up.

“i don’t,” he answers without any hesitation, “but i don’t want to force myself into you as well. if you don’t like me, i won’t bother you again.”

“but i don’t mind it-”

“i do,” kenma countered, cutting you off, “it’s okay for me to think we can be friends, but my friends don’t. even without saying anything, they wanted to call me off when they noticed that you didn’t like me.”

you purse your lips, unable to speak up and respond. you didn’t know what to say, conflicted no matter how you knew yourself that you already chose to feel this way towards him. it would never change.

or would it?

“i understand,” you say, turning to look at the sunset, the same sight he was also watching. ust when you did, kenma looked at you, eyes boring and filled with longing, something that he had always done whenever you weren’t looking. this moment’s very familiar for him--it was as if he came back to the time when you and he first met, first met eyes, first had a conversation.

walking side by side with him as you both head home, there was a certain heaviness in your chest, knowing full well that this might be the very last time this will happen. kenma had always insisted to do so since it was the only way you two could see or even talk to each other. in those afternoons that you were with kenma, you found a person that you could never find in anyone else--and you liked that person, just not romantically. you’d hate to lose those afternoons, but if he was uncomfortable with having his friends worry about him, you’d give up that desire and fulfill his wish. it was the only thing you could give to him aside from your friendship.

“thank you,” you say, turning around as you stood on your porch, staring into his eyes--the same one that holds the color that you grew up with for years without.

“i suppose this is the last time, yeah?”

“yeah…” kenma nods, seemingly unsure. actually, you wanted to stop him, but who were you to decide for him? you were merely a soulmate without giving back what he wants to give, it’s obviously unfair.

“goodby, kenma.”

“goodbye, y/n.”

it all ended like that.

or did it really?

for fate has its own plan for two people who left so many unsaid things behind. and perhaps, it was destiny’s way of giving a chance to both of you--the connection you once or always had.

you never talked about kenma after he left you alone, nor had you talked to each other afterward. there were a couple of times when you see kenma during the first few weeks; standing by the court by the neighborhood, watching his friends play volleyball or basketball, sitting by the cafe with kuroo or yaku, playing a game on his phone or switch. you see him, but he never looked at you.

you thought when he said he’d walk away, it was just as a role of being a soulmate, you didn’t expect him to act so coldly to you, as if you were a stranger.

or maybe it was because you were really a stranger. you only knew him because he was your soulmate, but he needed nothing else from you, you were no one for him.

and he was no one for you, supposedly.

“excuse me, do you mind?” your eyes travel up to the person who has been standing in front of you as if he doesn’t see you reaching out to the tray of food, and yet you couldn’t because he was blocking the way. if it weren’t for him, you would be eating right now with your burger, fries, and coke float, not minding the time because you still have plenty left for the next class. what you didn’t expect is that the line in mcdonalds will be longer than it usually would, which means you have to quickly eat after getting your food or else you’ll be reprimanded by your professor again.

“oh sorry about that.” the man merely says before stepping aside for you to take your tray.

“thank you,” you say, and just when you were about to walk away with your food, you looked up.

“wow.”

your brow scrunched up as instant as the word slipped out of his mouth, a strand of bright orange hair falling in front of his eyes, which held a pair of big brown eyes. his face reminded you of the sun. no, not the sunset like it was with kenma. this boy, he reminded you of the sun that was high up in the sky, shining ever so bright, sometimes too hot, sometimes not. at just the first look, you knew this boy has a personality like that. if not, you’ll just have to not admit that you thought about it.

“what?”

“oh! uhm-nothing!” he responded even though it was not nothing. he obviously wanted to say more, but you remembered you had a class in a few minutes and you were hungry as hell.

you walked away, not saying anything else as you strutted to a random empty table and ate as fast as you can--which you were lucky you found one, anyway. you were too late to realize you could have just ordered a take out and ate your food at your seat before the professor could arrive.

“excuse me?” your eyes instantly shot up when a figure looms in front of you, almost as if he was tempted to sit on the seat by your table, but he wasn’t anyway, which is good. and he’s also the same guy as earlier--the sunny man.

“yes? what do you want?” actually, you didn’t mean for your reply to be as harsh as it sounded, but now that you’re in a rush and have a schedule, it makes it hard not to do so, especially if you will get embarrassed again if you really became late.

“oh! i’m sorry if i’m a bother-” he stutters almost every word, looking scared as hell, but you can’t blame him anyway. “i just-i wanted to know if you’re from the same college as i go to. you look familiar so,”

your gaze travels to the identification card clipped by his shirt, and indeed you were able to recognize it.

your attention then diverted to your food, swallowing the rest of your meal and standing up from your own seat.

“yeah, i am,” you muttered before walking away, not bothering the way the boy’s eyes brighten up, even more, a wide grin on his face, ready to burst out from joy.

“hey kenma, did you see that?”

his sunset eyes look up to the same irides that you unknowingly gazed up to seconds earlier, his blonde hair resting peacefully by the side of his face, ready to fall down any minute he will move.

“they’re from the same school as us! do you think i have a chance?”

kenma shrugs without a word, not minding his friend one bit.

“ah! i hope i do!” the other says, sitting in front of kenma. “i don’t have a soulmate so-”

oh, sorry. ‘don’t talk about soulmates, shouyou,’ alright, i remember don’t worry!”

without a doubt, kenma thinks of you again, but he didn’t know that if he looked up anytime earlier, he would have seen you and his friend.

if he did that, he would have saved himself from what was about to happen.

how unfortunate of him.

“hey, i think that guy’s been staring at you, do you know him?”

your brows furrow, your eyes darting to the same way that your friend was pointing, and alas you saw that guy from mcdonalds again--the sunny man. now that you’ve seen him properly and with ease, you had a feeling that he looks familiar--that you’ve seen him somewhere before, aside from earlier.

“yeah, i saw him earlier,” you answer, narrowing your gaze at him as the boy shyly looks away,

ah, you think, he does look familiar.

your direction slowly changed, strutting towards the boy with a question and purpose in mind. he remained seated on one of the few benches left at school, a book raised to his face, attempting to hide.

you brought down the book with ease, revealing him looking more nervous as seconds pass by.

“shouyou,” you mutter, crossing your arms and looking down at him. “why didn’t you say that’s you?”

“huh?”

“how’s natsu, by the way? she didn’t tell me you also go to school here.”

shouyou hinata. natsu, his sister, had a lot of resemblance to her brother that you’re rather disappointed in yourself for not recognizing him earlier than you should have. natsu was one of the friends you have had for years that even if you two haven’t been seeing each other for months, you still exchange occasional talks, asking the other how they are and so on.

“oh! that’s you! right!”

your brow shot up at his unusual attitude, but you weren’t that surprised since he’s natsu’s brother, after all. from what you heard from her, her brother’s kind of awkward to others, especially when it’s not because of volleyball. you’ve seen shouyou quite a few times whenever you visit natsu at her house, but you’ve never really hung out with him, so you can’t really blame him couldn’t recognize you too.

“uhm-what’s your name again?” he nervously laughs, scratching the side of his face. you could sense the awkwardness in the air and you were ready to bolt, you just had to think of a way to say goodbye without actually offending him, much like what you did earlier--and you were feeling regretful by it, by the way.

“(y/n),” you say, then raising your arm, “and i have to go, i still have classes.”

you have to praise yourself for the good acting you displayed since shouyou didn’t seem to have noticed that you were just trying to get away from the situation.

as you walked away, you then felt a gaze behind you. you assumed that it was shouyou, who already said goodbye to you, but he’s just watching you. thus, you figured it’s best not to look back.

what you didn’t know, it was not only shouyou who was staring at your retreating figure with a look of longing in his eyes. behind him was kenma, who just appeared at the scene, realizing what had just happened when he wasn’t there with his friend.

and now, the plot thickens.

“shouyou,” kenma calls his friend’s attention, who whipped his head to turn to him with a wide grin, his face as bright as the sun above.

“kenma! did you-”

“do you know them?” he interjects, his tone very much different than usual. shouyou was not an idiot enough to neglect and not notice it. that was when the curve on his lips slowly drop, now focused on his friend.

“they’re natsu’s friend, and also the person who i met earlier. why? do you? are they your enemy?”

enemy? kenma wanted to laugh. if he were to refer the situation to a game, he didn’t know whether this was a part two of the challenge he thought he had closed and accomplished earlier or not. so, were you an enemy, or someone he should save?

“i know them,” he answered, not saying anything more.

it had been years since he had last seen you--three, two? probably four. it’s not as if he had forgotten you, no, that is an impossible feat that was already proven through time. yet, it doesn’t erase the fact that things should have ended that way instead of fate trying to bring you two back together--or was this not it? was he only thinking this way because-

“why did you lose your soulmate, shouyou?” he turns to his friend, erasing the thought in his mind as if the moon was trying to illuminate something from the dark depths in his brain.

“my soulmate? well, i haven’t really seen them, but one day, i just started seeing the world clearly. i was worried, you know, and that’s when i knew that something that is unstoppable must have happened for that to happen. i heard a lot of stories from others too, and i know that i’m not the only one. soulmates getting together are really rare these days, but it would have been nice if i married mine.”

throughout the time that kenma spent alone, kenma had found other people who had the same sentiments as shouyou, even yaku has almost the same kind of situation, that’s why he kept telling kenma to move on and move forward, marry and love someone else.

but at the same time, he never found someone else.

it’s funny how fate works, but the feelings he had or had always had, they’re genuine--at the least, he knows that much.

kenma abruptly stood his ground and he found himself strutting to wherever you had gone, no thoughts being entertained more now that he had finally decided.

“kenma? where are you going?” shouyou’s words echoed in his mind, and his question was the same thing that he asked himself, but his feet were still moving, heart now drumming.

when he saw your form by the end of the hall he had just entered, the coil on his throat started appearing again like it once did before. it feels as if he was going back to high school, where it all started and ended.

he called your name, but it was too soft for you to hear.

“wait,” he tries again, but all he could do was to follow your trail and see if he could catch you before you were out of sight.

“kenma? where are you going? what-” kuroo stops himself as he finally sees what was going on, tracing the pathway where the boy was blindly looking at. just when kuroo decides to visit his friend to see how he is, no he already knew that his visit was in vain since, at the moment, kenma wouldn’t give him attention with you all over his mind. truth be told, he was one of those who were in favor of what kenma did a few years ago, but when he saw the effects that it had on kenma, he wanted him to meet you again; may it be as some sort of closure or to try and give the connection a chance once again. maybe, just maybe, everything will work out the way fate entails it would.

“where’s kenma? i thought we’d hang out with him today?”

kuroo slips the car door closed as he leaned back with a heavy sigh on the car seat whilst closing his eyes. “nah, i couldn’t find him. he may already be eating with that new friend of his.”

yaku chuckles, starting the car again to head off somewhere else, “you mean that guy from karasuno high? well, they were quite close now, aren’t they?”

“yeah,”

if yaku could sense the uncertainty in kuroo’s tone, he spoke none of it. it was a good thing though because it would mean that kuroo wouldn’t be able to lie to a friend.

on the other hand, kenma wasn’t able to catch up with you. considering the time it took for him before he chose to chase you instead of pulling away as he did before. he knew each time that your paths crossed days and even weeks after the last time that you two talked, under that certain sunset. he knew how you gazed at him, may not be with the same longing, but nevertheless, he knew you wanted to talk to him.

and he wanted that too. instead, he saved himself from the pain, thinking everything would be temporary and this moment would merely be fleeting.

yet again, his eyes flew up on the sky, his breath uneven, his body slumped over from exhaustion. every time he sees the sunset, he remembers you, no matter if your eye color were different from the sun or not, it still reminds him of you. this is the sky where he first met you, and also where he last had contact with you. no matter how inevitable his feelings were for you, the sunset--it’s both yours and his.

“kenma?”

the moment he turned around and gazed at you, the first thought that comes to mind was how beautiful they were--your eyes, much like the thought he had when he first met you, his fated soulmate. it felt as if the lost colors formed their way back to his eyesight, reminding him of the beauty of the world and how grateful he should be to be blessed by it.

when he said your name, it was his heart that skipped a beat. he missed it--he didn’t know he would miss it this much.

“is that really you?” you questioned, squinting at his form, trying to see if you had made a mistake or not, but you didn’t need that much time to do that anyway because you instantly recognized his eyes. for sure, those were kenma’s indeed--the irides of your soulmate.

his hair grew, the once full-blonde strands looked more like highlights on the edges of his hair. you’ve never really seen him with dark hair, but now that you have, you’d say that it fit him well, not that the blonde was any different. his face didn’t change much, but he did look more mature, and with more bags under his eyes, is he even sleeping? is college really that hard? well, now you’ll know since you’re in your first year, good luck with that.

“it’s been a long time, hey.” so far, it was only you who spoke, and it’s beginning to make you feel awkward, honestly. you have not seen him for years, you didn’t know if you’d rather ask questions to catch up on his life or if you shouldn’t. would he like it more if you pretend that this moment happened and ignore him as he did to you before? of course, you wanted to ask him how he had been and at least hang out with him. after all, you two bonded for quite a while before, when you two were teenagers, much younger than you were right now. now, you two were adults, mature, maybe, but surely something has changed.

was there really?

“yeah, it has,” kenma responds, “how have you been?”

his voice didn’t change much either, but you could sense that his facade was more controlled, careful, as if he was keeping a distance from you, closing his walls on you.

is it really too late?

that question, unbeknownst to both of you, was the question that you and he were thinking about.

“i’ve been good, though i’m pretty anxious about college,” you answered, your shoulders easing themselves up as you become comfortable talking to him like you had been before. “how about you? how are your studies?” you wanted to ask him how his life had been, but it’s not like you could do that right away.

“good,” he shrugs, looking away, “we’re packed right now since we’re about to graduate, but all is good.”

“yeah, alright,” you nodded, awkwardly shifting from one side to the other with your feet, not knowing what to do next.

now what? normally, you’d know how to talk to someone, especially someone you know.

but why is this any different? he’s your soulmate, right? you should know how to talk to him.

“do you want to go out?”

you glance at him, surprised at his sudden offer. he had not made eye contact with you yet again, but you saw a light behind his words, something that flickered that was once there before.

“ah, now you’re talking.” you grinned, your demeanor suddenly changing. “this is just about the time when i eat at the stalls downtown, do you want to come down there?”

“huh?” he looks up, now interested, apparently. “you eat there too after class?’

“hm? yeah, every day.”

“i eat there too, with my friends.” he quietly replied, sounding rather regretful. why though?

“well, do you want to go there with me today? i mean, we can include your friends-”

“no,” he interjected hastily, “let’s go there together, without anyone else,” he pauses, now sounding hesitant. “if you want to.”

you didn’t know how many seconds you stood there, focused on him as you thought of how much kenma had grown and become different--a good difference. before, he would be stuttering and very indecisive, leaving you to decide for the both of you since he always wanted to do what you wanted to. it’s not like you were complaining, but you also were interested in what he also likes or dislikes. you were always too careful when you were suggesting things since he might not like it, even if he insists to follow your suggestion instead. it mostly applies to choosing where to eat, since from what you could remember, it was always you who gets to decide the place where you two will hang out next.

you‘re proud of him, and you couldn’t help but let out a smile before turning around, trying to hide it.

it was no use though. kenma saw it, and it only confirmed how much this decision was a good one--he need not be regretful of chasing you and this connection once again.

“hey kenma, have you tasted this yet?”

he then shakes his head, adding “does it taste good?”

“of course!” your eyes lit up, then dragging him towards the stall. “excuse me? four sticks of ikayaki please.”

“four?”

“what? if you don’t like it, i can finish them all, don’t worry.” you raised your thumb up, signaling to him joyfully. kenma could still remember how much of a foodie you were, and he sure is relieved that that part of you had not changed yet, nor will it ever be, it seems, which is a good thing. the way your face brightens, your mood instantly swings as if it was on the other way, your exhaustion becoming almost invisible--kenma adores them all. if food could make you happy, he was glad enough to witness it all.

“so, i took you to my favorite stall, where’s yours?”

kenma bits his lip as he ponders, “i don’t have a particular favorite, but i know somewhere we can get good drinks.”

“you’re right, we do need drinks,” you muse, smirking. “you really are quite a tactician, kenma-kun.”

“why did you suddenly call me that…”

you laughed at his reaction, “now, now, don’t tell me you didn’t like it. i call most of my friends like that.”

“i didn’t say i didn’t like it, but it’s unusual for you to call me that all of a sudden.”

“okay, okay, kenma-senpai it is then.”

“senpai?” he makes a weirded-out look and you could immediately tell that he wasn’t used to having someone call him that. “i see that you haven’t changed at all, huh.”

you totally agree with him though. way before, you were used to teasing him as well, mostly harmless since it was not like you’ve known him for more than a year or so. technically, you had been friends for at least three months, but he had been one of those whom you could trust with your secrets and in general, you. being open to someone is a hard thing for you, probably just a trait of yours, although when it comes to kenma, you felt safe. must be the soulmate thing or so, but it may also be because he is a pleasant man himself, well that’s in your opinion. anyone who didn’t bother to actually be friends with kenma would tell otherwise since you knew how anti-social he is--not really anti-social but maybe close to that. after all, kenma is the type of person who preferred to surround himself with people with whom he was comfortable, much like you.

“what are you thinking about?”

you snapped out of your thoughts and realized you had been silent for a while, to the point that kenma actually sounded worried at your sudden silence.

“oh no, nothing much,” you reassure him, gesturing with your hands as well, “i was just thinking of how long we’ve been apart, and now that we saw each other again, it feels as if i was back as a teen once again.”

your statement, no matter how personal it was, was also what kenma had in mind, he just didn’t pay no heed to it since he didn’t want to overthink this connection like he did before. if he opens this side of him again, he might just pursue you and try to win your heart. he knew he had always liked you, maybe it just takes time for you to feel the same for him.

will it be worth it?

he knows it will be, especially if you two would end up together, but what if the opposite happens? would he be strong enough to accept the rejection, twice, even.

“now it’s you who’s thinking.” you suddenly mused, “what are you thinking about, kenma?”

“you,” kenma replies, instantly, out of impulse, “i kept thinking about you.”

there it was; your heart skipped a beat. you didn’t expected him to still have feelings for you, and you didn’t know either if you were merely just surprised or-

“do you think we have a chance?” kenma was looking away, of course. it’s not as if he had asked someone a question like that, but he also felt comfortable saying it to you. it was you, and he trusts you, even if you would break his heart.

his question was a real question indeed, you muse. if he hadn’t said it, it would’ve been you who have opened it up first. sure, you never bore the same kind of love that you could feel, radiating from his treatment towards you, but you cared for him enough to know what the answer to that question was.

“yeah, i do,” you responded smoothly, the words flowing straight out of your lips without any hesitation that kenma noted it as well. “if i were asked, i’d say you’re someone whom i wouldn’t let go of.”

but that statement was not something he anticipated.

“i knew i’d run into you someday,” you chuckled, “i saw kuroo hanging around here a few months before i moved college here, and i just knew that you’d be here too, and i did prepare myself. i’m just a little disappointed that you didn’t get to notice me just as much as i did, to be honest.”

“i must be rambling, sorry,” you suddenly apologized, “the point is, i want to be selfish when it comes to you, kenma. though i also know that in order for that to happen, i’d let you be selfish of me too, and guess what?”

you didn’t let him answer, but he was speechless either way, for he knew what was about to happen. the moment your eyes met, he knew what you'd say.

“i felt okay with that.” you smiled up at him, one that he will surely remember and engrave in his mind as long as he lived.

“so if you’re asking if we have a chance, i think we do. after all, i don’t think i’ll be able to escape fate from making me want to meet you again and again.”

kenma moves, and he felt his own hand touch yours, no matter how cliched that sounded. normally, kenma would pull away, embarrassed at how he suddenly touched another person’s hand unintentionally. but that evening he didn’t.

“kenma, i’m now ready to commit to this connection. are you?” you think your pitch broke a bit, but this time, it felt as if you were the one who was in his position years back.

would he accept you again?

or not?

so this is what he felt during those times. you couldn’t help but feel bad, but you weren’t ready to sacrifice your freedom yet. you were a child, a child forced to commit into a relationship you barely had any grasp on. if you were asked to step into a time machine, you would refuse to make it go back at that time to change your mind, but you’d rather go straight to the past kenma and tell him to not give up on you, because in the future, when you’re ready, it was him who wasn’t there for you to say it and break the news on.

although what if he gave up on you?

kenma’s grip on your hand became noticeable that you were forced out of your spiral of negative thoughts, revealing a sight of kenma with a curve on his lips, that despite having tired eyes, you could still feel the genuineness that he had put an effort in showing in front of you. there was a slight tint dusting his cheeks, and if you would peek, his ears were red too. back then, you wouldn’t have expected you’d be faun over this image, but you were not your past self.

he calls your name first, breaking you out of your reverie. then,

“and here i thought i would be rejected again. seriously, you should just go straight to the point.”

it took you probably a few seconds before a chuckle that eventually turned into a laugh escaped your lips. kenma thought you were making fun of him, but in truth, you just felt happy, feeling the weight on your shoulders and back lift off of you all of a sudden.

you two truly have the same thoughts. after all, what you’d want to say after hearing his statement was the same thing. you thought he’d reject you, and it seems like it was what he was thinking as well.

even if this soulmate connection is what’s making all of this to happen, it didn’t matter much to you. even if he wasn’t your soulmate, you knew that you two would still meet, and you’d instantly click, like two lovebirds.

it was inevitable--this connection, this relationship; you and him.

fin

to everyone who read this, thank you so much. please do remember that i will come back, i may not announce it as soon as possible, but i will anyway. goodbye for now, and see you next time!:D take care everyone! i love you all<3

#kenma kozume #kenma x reader #kenma oneshot #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #kenma x you #kenma kozume oneshot #haikyuu oneshoot

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