#( aesthetic: javier pena )

[4ever-feral]

Guys, this gif makes me so feral it’s crazy. Just look at his neck, I want to take a bite! oh and that side profile *chefs kiss* 😩😩

[lordkryze]

I used to watch “what’s in my bag” videos growing up.

And you can definitely say I got inspired by this Narcos poster.

[yesttoheaven]

just tonight I will stay

and we'll throw it all away

when the light hits your eyes

it's telling me I'm right

just tonight I won't leave

I'll lie and you'll believe

just tonight I will see

it's all because of me

[sofiaispunk]

The Space Cowboy and his Ladybug - CHAPTER 3

Javier Peña x reader

Summary: You find your old diary in your childhood home and are confronted with the ghosts of your past.

Words: 2,7K

Warnings: angst, trust issues, violence, mentions of past domestic abuse (mentally and physically), insecurity, references to suicide attempt, smut (in later chapter), TRAUMA, throwbacks

On Moday, a particular humid day in Laredo, you decided to throw on your grey matching gym set and start decluttering your old childhood home. As you were cleaning out one of the closets in the old house, you stumbled upon an old dusty box. You carefully took it out and placed it on the floor. As you opened it, you found something that sent shivers down your spine – your old diary.

It was a brown leather-bound book that you used to carry everywhere with you during your teenage years. You carefully opened the book and the familiar smell of the old pages filled your nostrils. As you started to read through the entries, it felt like you was transported back in time.

Dear diary,                                                                        15th October 1974

I can't believe how irritating it is to watch those girls flirting with Javier. I mean, I don't have feelings for him or anything, but it's just so obvious and annoying. Like, can't they see how he's just playing along with them? Ugh, it makes me want to scream.

And today in school, he was laughing and chatting with that new girl, Lorraine or something. Stupid name, right? I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. I guess it's just because he's my friend, and I don't want him to get hurt by these girls who are obviously just using him for attention.

But whatever, it's not like it's any of my business. I'll just keep my distance and focus on my own life. Maybe I'll even try to find someone to flirt with too.

Anyway, I have to go now. Homework to do and all that. Until next time, diary.

You are sitting on the ground, flipping through the pages. Some pages are stuck together and the ink is smudged or faded through the years.

Dear diary,                                                                21st October 1974

It’s me again. I can't believe Javier forgot to pick me up from school today. He said he was going to take me to the arcade, but he never showed up. I waited for him for an hour and then walked home alone. I'm so mad at him right now!

To make things worse, I saw him at the new burger place with Lorraine. They were laughing and having a good time, while I was sitting in the school yard feeling completely forgotten. It's not fair. I thought I was his best friend, but now he's spending all his time with her.

Lorraine is pretty and popular, and all the guys seem to like her. I don't understand what's so great about her. Why does Javier want to be friends with her instead of me? I know I'm not the prettiest or the most popular girl in school, but I thought we had a special bond. He is my best friend not hers. Anyways I will never forgive him. I will go over to Chucho’s and tell him that I don’t want to be his friend anymore. Done and over.

See you in a bit diary.

You starred down at the pages. You remember the day as if it was yesterday. You were banging on the old farm house relentlessy. 

“Hola mija, what’s wrong?” Chucho opened the door, concern clearly laced in his features. “Is Javier here?” you pushed right through him, not quiet too concerned how rude your being and looking around to find Javier. Javier was sitting on the couch, watching some cartoon and eating his favorite cereal, captn crunch. “JAVIER, where were you?” you stalked over at him, looming over his sitting figure.

As you were venting your frustration to Javier, he seemed more annoyed than apologetic. It was as if he didn't understand why you were so upset about being left alone for so long.

"Come on, bug" he said, rolling his eyes. "It was just a burger with Lorraine. I didn't think you'd care that much."

"Just a burger?" you repeated, your voice raising in anger. "You promised to pick me up, and you ditched me for some girl you barely even know."

He looked at you like you were being unreasonable, and that just made you even more angrier. You hated feeling like a child in front of him, like he couldn't take your emotions seriously.

"It's not like I did it on purpose," he said defensively. "Things just got carried away, and I lost track of time." He continue slurping on his cereal.

"That's not the point," you snapped back. "You made me feel like I wasn't important enough to remember. And now you're acting like it's not a big deal."

He opened his mouth to respond, but you cut him off and stormed off with no where to go. You didn’t feel like going home, knowing that your father was probably back home from work. But you sure as hell wouldn’t going to keep staying listening to Javier’s bullshit excuse any longer.

Dear Diary,                                                                       1st December 1974

Today was supposed to be a fun day out with Javier and his girlfriend Lorraine, but it ended up being a the most horrible experience of my life. avi insisted that I come with them. I think to make up for the fact that he has neglected me lately. We were shopping in the mall when Lorraine made a snarky comment about my outfit, and then started giggling with her friends. I tried to ignore it and just went along with the day, but it's really been bothering me.

Later, when we were alone, I tried to tell Javier about it, but he didn't seem to take me seriously. He just brushed it off and said that Lorraine was probably just joking. But I know what I heard and saw, and it really hurt my feelings.

It's not the first time I've felt like Lorraine doesn't like me. She always seems to be making snide comments or giving me dirty looks, and I can't help but wonder if Javier notices it too. But every time I try to talk to him about it, he just tells me I'm being paranoid or oversensitive.

I don't know what to do. I really care about Javier, but I don't want to be around Lorraine if she's just going to make me feel bad all the time. And it hurts that Javier doesn't seem to believe me or understand how I'm feeling. I think I will talk to him tomorrow about it again. What better way to confront him than our weekly movie night, right? We are watching Titanic, yayyy

bye bye diary.

You and Javier were sitting on the couch at Javier's house, watching a movie together. However, the tension between you was palpable, and you had been ignoring each other for a while.

"I'm telling you, Javier, Lorraine doesn't like me," you said, frustration clear in your voice.

"I think you're being a little dramatic, don't you?" Javier replied, rolling his eyes. "I mean, why wouldn't she like you? You're great."

"I don't know, maybe because she knows we used to be close and she's jealous," you said, crossing your arms.

"I highly doubt that," Javier said, shaking his head. "You're making a big deal out of nothing."

"Well, I'm sorry if I don't trust your new girlfriend," you said, your voice rising.

"Look, I understand that you're feeling insecure, but you don't have to take it out on me or Lorraine," Javier said, his tone turning sharp.

"I'm not taking anything out on you! I just don't want to be around Lorraine if she doesn't like me," you said, feeling your anger boiling over.

"You know what? Fine. If you can't handle being around my girlfriend, then maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore! You are being childish," Javier said, standing up from the couch.

You felt hurt and betrayed by Javier's words, and tears prickled at the corners of your eyes. "Fine," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

Javier stormed out of the room, leaving you alone on the couch. You sat there for a few moments, feeling lost and alone, before finally gathering your things and leaving the house without looking back.

Skipping through these pages you felt your heart breaking all over again. You felt bad for your teenage self and relived everything again. You realized that despite all the years that had passed, some things never really change. The fear, the pain, and the longing - it was all still there, buried deep within you. No amount of time in the big city could change you, no matter how much you tried to be someone else, these memories were a part of you. You obviously knew what kind of heartbreak was hidden in those pages but for some reason you couldn’t tear your eyes away.

Dear diary, 2nd March 1975

I am going to the barn today to see the horses. I need to escape from everything that's been going on in my life. I feel so lost and alone right now. Javier hasn't spoken to me since the fight we had, and I don't know if we can ever go back to the way things were.

It hurts so much to see him with Lorraine. I can't help but feel jealous of her. She has everything I don't have - his attention, his love, he even gave her his favourite sweater .It's like I never mattered to him at all. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it.

Being around the horses helps me forget about everything else. They're so beautiful and majestic, and they don't judge me for being a mess. They just want to be loved and taken care of.Kinda like me. I feel calm when I am around them.

I wish I could just stay here forever and forget about everything else. 

See you soon, diary!

You finished writing your diary entry and rushed down the stairs eager to spend some time with the horses. But when you got downstairs, you found your dad already back from work and drinking beer at the kitchen table.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, eyeing you suspiciously.

"To the farm," you said flatly, trying to hide your excitement.

"You're not going anywhere," he slurred. "You're staying here with me."

"But I promised Mr. Pena that I would help him with the horses," you pleaded.

"I don't care about Mr. Pena," he snapped. "You're staying here with me."

You knew you had to get out of there. You couldn't stay trapped in that house with your drunken dad any longer. So you made a run for it, grabbing your backpack on the way out. You were almost out the door when you felt a sharp tug on your hair that made you fall down and cry out in pain. Your dad was standing over you, eyes bloodshot with rage.

“ Why don’t you listen to me, you pathetic little girl?” he spat. “You. Are. Staying. Here. With. Me.” You felt a sharp kick to your stomach after each word. Breathlessly you could just nod, not trusting your own voice. You wouldn’t cry again. You were strong. So you crawled over to door and slid up the door so you could stand properly, away from his heavy boots. “Yes, father. I’m staying.” You said mechanically, while clutching your stomach and right rip.

As you made your way up you couldn’t help but feel helpless and alone. And quietly wonder if there’s any way out for you.

The next day you knew your dad was at work, so you got dressed and headed straight out. You rushed out, eager to finally spend your day on the farm with the horses. Your safe space. Y ou put on your old denim jeans and a faded red t-shirt, knowing that you needed something comfortable and practical for the work ahead. The air was cool and fresh as you stepped outside, and you could smell the sweet scent of freshly cut hay in the distance. All your pain and sorrows from the precious day almost forgotten.

You made your way to the stables, where Chucho was already busy tending to the horses. The sound of their neighs filled the air, and you could feel the excitement building inside me. As you approached, Chucho turned to greet me with a warm smile.

"Good morning, mi hija, I missed you yesterday. Where have you been?" Chucho asked. 

“Ah well you know me.. I was out with someone and forgot the time?” you answered unsure, feeling like he could see right through your lies. 

“So we're ditching this old man for a hot date, are we?” he laughed at his own joke. "Ready for a day with the horses?" 

You nodded, feeling the familiar thrill of anticipation. Chucho handed you a brush, and you began grooming the horses together. The soft bristles of the brush felt soothing against your skin as you worked, and you took your time, enjoying the peace and quiet of the farm.

As you finished grooming, Chucho led the horses outside, and you followed behind, taking in the beauty of the farm. The sun was just beginning to rise, casting a warm golden glow over the fields. The horses trotted playfully beside you, their hooves kicking up dust with each step.

The rest of the day was spent working with the horses, feeding them, cleaning their stalls, and tending to their needs. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment as you worked, knowing that you was helping to care for these magnificent creatures.

As the day drew to a close, Chucho and you sat outside the stables, watching the sunset. The sky was ablaze with shades of orange and pink, and the air was still warm from the heat of the day. Chucho was nursing his beer while you drank your favourite strawberry soda, he knew you loved since you were a little girl.

You took a deep breath, feeling grateful for the peace and tranquility of the farm. It was a welcome escape from the chaos and turmoil of your life. For a moment, you allowed yourself to forget about the pain of your right rips and hurt that Javier caused you by ignoring you, and simply enjoy the beauty of the moment.

As you looked out over the fields, you knew that you had found a safe haven at Chucho's farm, a place where you could heal and find peace. And for that, you were truly forever grateful.

"Hey, qué pasa?" he asked, using the Spanish phrase for "what's up?"

“Oh nothing. Just thinking of something.” You gave him a weak smile, which wasn’t too convincing.

He took a big sip from his beer and looked at you with concern. "Is it about Javier?"

You simply shrugged your shoulder not wanting to look him in the eyes. You knew he could read every thought, every emotion by simply looking at you.

Chucho put a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Listen, Javi cares about you, okay? He's just going through some stuff with Lorraine right now. But he'll come around. He always does."

You wiped away a tear and sniffled. "I hope you're right. It just hurts to be replaced."

Chucho gave you a sympathetic smile. "You haven't been replaced, mija. You're still an important part of Javi's life. And you always will be.  He's just lost right now, and he's making some bad choices."

You  nodded slowly, taking in Chucho's words. He was always so kind and understanding, and it was one of the reasons you felt comfortable opening up to him. In a way he was your only fatherfigure. "But what if he never comes around?" you asked, your eyes filling with tears. "What if he really does choose Lorraine over me and our friendship?"

Chucho sighed. "I can guarantee you that he won't ever do that, I believe in Javi. He's been through a lot lately, and he's just trying to find his way. But deep down, he knows how much you mean to him. You've been there for him since the beginning, and he won't forget that."

You let out a deep breath and leaned your head against his shoulder. "Thanks, Chucho. But I think this time you are wrong."

“I’m never wrong, mija. Javi is an idiot but he loves you more than you know.” He wrapped his arm around you and you sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the sun set over the fields. The only sounds were the chirping of crickets and the occasional neighing of the horses in the distance.

You closed the diary, wiped away your tears and took a deep breath continuing to clean out the closet. You knew what memories were written on the last pages and you weren’t ready to uncover and relive them just yet.

Part 4

[intoanotherworld23]

I’ve seen a lot of writers on here have banners made for there fan fiction writing, and obviously so many of them are amazing. Since I’m not artistic in any way and can’t create a banner to save my life, I wanted to know is there anybody who is good at making banners, and would have the time and patience to create them for me whenever I would ask. Please message me if you are and you would like to take the job or help! Thank you so much everyone!

[yassslayboss]

Some of my fave Pedro pics ✨

[swiftisapunk]

🤎

[4ever-feral]

Ahh! I love you guys!! Thank you for voting on my poll!! Looks like Javier Peña made first place with Negan in second!

Here's Boyfriend!Javier Peña

[babydin]

Ignore this, just working on some tags and tag dumping!

[jolalibrary]

how does pinterest see you? ✨

search these and pick the first photo — celebrity, shoes, outfit, aesthetic, purse, makeup look

tagged by @sawymredfox

npt: @thetriumphantpanda @pedgito @goodwithcheese @maggiemayhemnj @swiftispunk

@secretelephanttattoo @javier-pena @hellishjoel @toomanystoriessolittletime @nothoughtsjustmeds

[toxicanonymity]

raider and lincoln x lana

I love getting song comparisons. 🖤 ik there are some i haven't posted bc i don't know them and wanna check them out first to add context like @javier-penas-wifexx420 has done here.

Raider Joel Joel saves you from his men but claims you as his own and takes you with him. Left in Lincoln (dbf x virgin) He's a neighbor your dads trust to look in on you while they seek treatment for Frank.

@javier-penas-wifexx420 asked:

DUDE ok so I remembered what someone said abt what lana songs the jolkemons are. I feel like specifically Raider and Lincoln are so lana coded. Raider is ultraviolence and Lincoln in honeymoon.

I feel like Raider being Ultraviolence is pretty understandable bc of how he his and how he treats the reader. Songs that really remind me of him are

ultraviolence- “he hurt me but it felt like true love.” “Loving him was never enough”

shades of cool- “I can’t fix him, can’t make him better”

Sad girl- “but you haven’t seen my man…he’s got the fire and he walks with it”

Pretty when you cry- OFC RAIDERS DACRYPHILLIA HE THINKS WERE SO PRETTY WHEN WE CRY

old money- “those summer nights seem long ago, so is the girl you used to call the queen of New York City” reminds me of how sweet pea is really disconnected from her old self and her old life, she belongs to Joel now so that’s like her only identity. Sad but also kinda hot🤪

“If you send for me you know I’ll come and if you call for me you know I’ll run.” Sweet pea is at the point where she’ll listen to anything he says and will do whatever he wants, she’ll follow him anywhere and honestly same.

And NOW, Lincoln and honeymoon. I feel like this one isn’t as obvious and some ppl might disagree with me but NO. Lincoln IS honeymoon. Honeymoon is one of Lana’s most treasured albums and if you really listen to it and focus on the subject matter it can be argued that it’s darker than ultraviolence. And while Lincoln Joel seems really sweet and loving, just like how honeymoon comes across, he’s actually really dark and just as dangerous, if not more than Raider. The album honeymoon describes intense and passionate love, kind of IRRATIONAL you could say. The album outlines just wanting to get away with your lover and be together forever *cough lincoln*

I feel like honeymoon displays a sort of desperation and a willingness to do anything one needs in order to be with their lover and I think that’s reflective of both Joel and peaches. Also in the music video for one of the songs on the album lana drinks kool-aid which is a reference to heaven’s gate and i feel like the whole expression of “drinking the kool-aid” is very accurate of left in Lincoln cause peaches is def drinking that fucking kool-aid.

Also honeymoon takes a lot of influence from older music styles, older aesthetics (the art deco aesthetic from the 20s) and in general older references and since Lincoln is almost 60 i feel like it fits him. Honeymoon is rlly jazzy and I’m p sure you said he likes jazz lol. Lana mentions Billie holiday in one of the songs and Joel would def play Billie holiday for peaches.

THE SONGS

honeymoon: “we both know the history of violence that surrounds you, but I’m not scared there’s nothing to lose now that I’ve found you”

Freak: “life makes sense when I’m with you. Looking back my past it all seems stranger than a stranger” THIS IS SO PEACHES BRO LIKE WHAT. Honestly freak is very much a left in Lincoln song. Anyway.

Religion: “you’re my religion, you’re how I’m livin…when I’m down on my knees you’re how I pray” very them, Joel is in charge of everything, peaches answers to him, looks up to him for everything. He’s her whole life now

The blackest day: “ever since my baby went away, it’s been the blackest day”

This song is one of the most left in Lincoln songs, I imagine this part references jessie leaving and her being all alone without him.

“Because I’m going deeper and deeper, darker and darker, harder and harder. Looking for love in all the wrong places.” After she was left in Lincoln��️ she was all alone and things got a lot darker, causing her to look for love anywhere she could find it.

24: “there’s only 24 hours in a day, and half as many ways for you to lie to me my little love” there’s a lot more lyrics in this song that are relevant but I think especially this one because it’s like wtf is Joel doing when he’s not with peaches?? And he’s obviously lying to her and I think she’s started to gain more suspicions (at least I hope so bc homegirl is IN TROUBLE)

Swan song: this one is the second to last song on the album and I think it is very relevant of left in Lincoln. The song basically says that all the two lovers need is each other. If you think about it, Joel just desires an eternal honeymoon with peaches, just the two of them together FOREVER

“Nothing could stop the two of us if that’s what we want, we could just get lost”

I feel like this could even be something Joel says to peaches. Like he’s just like as long as we’re together it doesn’t matter what happens. Also the “if that’s what we want” reminds me of Joel manipulating peaches and tricking her into thinking it’s all what she wants and she has a choice🤩

And I feel like a lot of the songs are very peaches coded: Terrence loves you, god knows I’ve tried, music to watch boys to, don’t let me be misunderstood

ANYWAYYYYY sorry for writing so fucking much I’ve j been thinking abt this for awhile esp the Lincoln honeymoon connection bc it’s so interesting and I love lana and your fics ❤️

-------

Toxic: This is amazing!! Thank you so much for the thoughtful analysis. 🖤 also it is killing me not to spoiler.

[bits-and-babs]

-ˋˏ ULTRAVIOLENCE ˎˊ-

laters-gators 6k followers celebration

I cannot believe that we’ve hit a huge milestone again so early. For this event to come at a time where I really needed a pick me up means the world. 6,000 of you little people out there follow me to see my words on your phone/tablet/computer screens, all because you like them. That’s insane to me!

As a token of appreciation, we’re back at it again with a follower celebration! This is a way for me to say thank you!

before we begin, some rules: (Read these carefully or your ask will be deleted!)

➸ Reblog to spread the word! ➸ Please see my inbox rules and who I write for before sending in asks. ➸ You can send in as many asks as you want, but some events will be restricted to non-anons only!

➸ This inbox for this event is open now! I will begin posting on the 24th! Inbox closes on the 26th ❤︎

❤︎ THIS EVENT HAS NOW CLOSED ❤︎

how to send an ask:

The inbox for this event is open now! To participate in this event, please send an ask via the link here, or the ‘Tell Me Something Sweet’ button at the top of my blog, and set out the ask with the corresponding emoji at the start. It makes my life much easier this way!:

“ 🐺 - Blue Jeans. ”

“ ☁️ - 29: ‘Thigh Riding’ with Marc Spector. ”

“ 🗝 - Joel Miller and Teacher!AU!”

open to everyone:

➸ Blue Bannisters [🗝]: Send me a character and a concept/aesthetic and I will make a mood board with a 100 word drabble.

➸ Chemtrails Over The Country Club [🐺]: Send me a Lana Del Rey song and I'll write a drabble with the character it most reminds me of!

➸ Lust For Life [⛓]: Send me any word and I will send you a paragraph from my WIPs that contains that word - if there are any! Choose wisely!

➸ Honeymoon [🐚]: send me the link to a fic you have written and I will tell you my favourite parts and lines!

➸ Norman Fucking Rockwell [☁️]: send me a number from this smut dialogue prompt list here and a character of your choice and I will write a drabble!

open to non-anons:

➸ Ultraviolence [💿]: Send me a number from this smut prompt list here and a character of your choice and I will write a drabble!

➸ Born To Die [🎙️]: Send me your favourite song and I'll ship you with one of my Blorbos!

Event Masterlist:

➸ Blue Bannisters [🗝]:

Nat 20 || D&D!Matt the Radar Tech

Oklahoma Smokeshow || CountryCowboy!Joel Miller

The Reckoning Begins || Gunslinger!Mills

100 On The Dash || F1 Principle!Enzo Ferrari

On the Wild Side || SafariTourGuide!Mills

Precious Metals || TreasureHunter!Mills

➸ Chemtrails Over The Country Club [🐺]:

The Other Woman (Duke Leto Atreides)

Dark Paradise [coming soon...]

Blue Jeans (Mills)

Honeymoon (Joel Miller)

Not All Who Wander Are Lost (Ezra (Prospect))

➸ Norman Fucking Rockwell [☁️]:

Din Djarin || “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

Frank Castle || “Are you going to eye-fuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?”

Javier Pena || "I'm gonna fuck you so good that you forget you ever even met that asshole"

Joel Miller || “The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.” ❤︎ “Show me how you like to be touched.”

Joel Miller || "There's no way I'm gonna let you wear that in public."

Joel Miller || “Do you think you deserve my cock right now?”

Joel Miller || “Look what you’ve done to me. I’ve had to deal with this all day.”

Leto Atreides || “Pay attention to me or I’ll make you.”

Shane ‘Dio’ Morrisey || “Did you miss feeling me around you so much that you’ve resorted to your hand?”

Steven Grant || “Your nipples are so sensitive today…”

Commander Mills || “Fuck me like a starved animal or leave.”

Commander Mills || “Your pussy tastes so sweet.”

➸ Ultraviolence [💿]:

Commander Mills || Drenched

Joel Miller || Frisk-y

tagging a few mutuals who may be interested (you can ignore if you like!): @foxilayde ❤︎ @nexusnyx ❤︎ @psychedelic-ink ❤︎@inklore ❤︎ @charnelhouse ❤︎ @writefightandflightclub

[beardedjoel]

✨ moodboard tag game ✨

-> Rules: Open Pinterest, make a moodboard out of the first nine pictures that show up, and tag your mutuals!

tysm for the tags my loves! @toxic-seduction @sheepdogchick3 (sry tumblr won't let me tag you 🙄) @javier-penas-wifexx420 @javiscigarette

crying this is so my aesthetic lately cause i use pinterest a lot to plan stories plus the random photos of joel is just MWAH

tagging no pressure or if you haven't done it yet! 💗 @jupiter-soups @huffle-punk @burntheedges @swiftispunk @janaispunk @joelscurls @covetyou @chronically-ghosted @cavillscurls

[perotovar]

Rules: Bold the ones that are true and tag 15 other people to do it too!

tagged by @mrsquill thank you so much <33

Appearance:

i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

Hobbies + talents:

i play/have played a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

Relationships:

i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have/had a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

Aesthetics:

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

Miscellaneous:

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

i don't think i know 15 people on here so i'll do my best! lol

np tags: @kedsandtubesocks @djo @iero @heroeddiemunson @userparamore @lunapascal @swiftispunk @tieronecrush @nicolethered @javier-pena @darkroastjoel

[psychedelic-ink]

hi!! i love me a good moodboard and i just have to chip in with my favourite javi fic i wrote so far

this is perfect because that fic was already in my drafts to post <333 I loved it so much and I'll be reblogging it properly in a bit, I'm happy that you asked me to make a moodboard for it, I hope you like it xx

since the fic itself is heavy, the pics in the moodboard contains bruises that might be triggering for some (neck, back, eye) so I'm putting it under the cut

send me a character + an aesthetic/mood/scenario (or you can just send me your fic) and I'll make a moodboard for you

[zeldasayer]

Futile Devices — Chapter 5

A Javier Peña/Call Me By Your Name AU

gif by @pascalplease

Javier Peña x Reader

Summary: Everything has changed since your father’s book with Javier was rejected, just as you and Javier were getting close.

Warnings: SMUT — age gap (reader is of age), inexperienced!reader themes, gagging, praise (use of “little girl”), vocal Javi, squirting. Angst. 18+

Masterlist | Chapter 4

——

Vita Murphy was born on April 9th 1963 in Milan, Italy to American architects Connie and Steve Murphy, who met your mother by chance one afternoon at a market in town. Taking a liking to Connie, Daisy invited her and her husband to one of their legendary parties. Your mother and father loved to entertain and invite interesting people into their home for cocktails and Daisy's delicious cooking. Your parents celebrated every holiday, birthday, or life event they could think of, any excuse to dress up, string lights through the fruit trees in the back yard and drink in excess to your father's extensive record collection. As a child, you missed most of the parties, having been put to bed just as they were taking off, but when Connie and Steve arrived to your mother's 35th birthday after meeting in the market, and saw you sitting alone at your piano, Connie knew that next time she would bring her daughter.

Even at 13 you felt the pull that Vita had. You watched as she floated around your home, seeming even more comfortable in it than you were, stealing sips of wine and hors d'oeuvres before noticing you and asking if you had ever had your tarot cards read.

"It's my favourite game." You spat out nervously unaware.

Vita just smiled with a nod, "Yeah. Mine, too."

And from then on, you were inseparable.

"She didn't cry, she sang!" Connie always said about her daughter's birth. "It was the happiest day of my life."

Made in her mother's stunning image, Vita had the most incredible large eyes and long blonde hair she cut only once a year. Connie knew at a young age that her daughter was special, as a believer in the universe and the infinite lives a person could have, she knew her daughter was an old soul put on Earth to love and protect the new souls, the tired souls, those who were born somewhere and didn't know why they were born there. She knew it would be quite the burden for one girl, but she saw it quickly in her daughter that it was what she was meant to do. A healer, a listener, someone who understood what many feared no one ever could. Vita attracted those who needed her, and in that, unfortunately led to a large turnover in friendships. Vita was used to strong, short bursts of complete female unity, where she loved you undyingly and provided the support that you needed to pass through a difficult period of your life. But not with you, there was no passing through with you. Not even during your extended stays in the United States or even now that you are gone most of the year in college, could your friendship be weakened.

"It's because you were siblings!" Connie exclaimed in a tipsy state on a summer night long ago. "In another life."

"Do you think?" Vita asked, turning to you.

You believed in Vita and her mother's cosmic knowing, and relied on it more than you were willing to admit. "Of course."

"You were brother and sister." Connie said before taking a sip of her wine, and going quiet.

She always goes quiet — one moment she will tell you how your whole life is going to be and the next, just as she's about to get into the details, she switches off without any explanation, claiming she "doesn't really know this stuff, anyway."

It always makes Vita roll her eyes, because she knows that's not the case for she is just like her mother. Vita saw everything and found people she couldn't read extremely frustrating. Vita has this otherworldly understanding of people and a patience unmatched by anyone you have ever met. She knows how devastating it can be to be seen, but how crucial in life it is to not only be understood, but accepted. Vita also knew how often you spent up in your head, in your make believe world where nothing could hurt you. How your lust for life was so consuming it left you unable to move, too afraid to start because it always felt like you were doing it on your own. Your best friend once told you with tears in her eyes that she wished she knew what planet you were from so you would have the peace of mind that you weren’t completely alone, and you thanked her because sometimes that is enough.

Vita is the human embodiment of home.

So why can't you tell her what is going on? Why does your throat close up every time you want to talk about Javier in any capacity? Why does your throat close up when you think about Javier at all? A part of you wants to run barefoot straight to Vita’s house and up to her room, beg her to help you understand your own emotions. Why are you so enamored by a man who always makes it so hard to breathe? How he manages to make you so hyper aware of your movements, yet he isn't even looking at you. How he's never there when you want him but you would drop everything to be close to him once more. You would drop everything just to be what he wanted again and it makes you sick to your stomach. It's like watching yourself at 15 all over again, when you believed the most important thing you could be was desired. Hell is the mind of a fifteen year old girl, and you thought those days were gone forever.

The tension in the house doesn't make it any easier. You and Daisy tiptoeing around your father and house guest. The quiet meals, that used to be your favourite parts of the day now leave you cold even in the relentless summer sun. You spend most of the time, sitting across from Javier, staring at him. Waiting for him to look at you so you can ask him what's wrong with your eyes. To let him know that he can come to you, that you want him to. But he never does.

Christian and Javier lock themselves away in the library most days and your mother tells you they still haven't come up with anything new. You're startled every night when you're woken by their raised voices traveling through the halls and you hold your breath until you hear their roaring laughter and you know they must be drunk.

You don't see Javier much these days, but you don't see anyone for that matter. Resorting to lazy floats in the pool by yourself or reading alone in the cool living room to escape the heat. It feels as though, if you can't be around Javier you can’t be around anyone at all and sometimes you can make that make sense but most of the time you ignore the irritating notion that you may really be going crazy.

But what was supposed to happen? Javier would fuck you and realize right then and there he couldn’t live without you? It’s so embarrassing because it’s true. You can't talk to Vita because you're embarrassed to admit you wanted to be more and tonight after another lonely dinner where you might as well have been eating alone — you dumped your dishes in the sink and slipped out to the back gardens for your abandoned childhood swing set. And you finally cried.

“Fuck!” You scream up at the sky and you kick your legs back.

As you create your momentum, swinging back and forth you can’t help but succumb to your own erratic emotions and you wonder why it has to be this way. Why can’t you just be happy with what you have? Why must you always need more? Why is it so goddamn exhausting to keep yourself neutral? You’ve never felt sad, only despair. Never angry, only full of rage. You’ve never been embarrassed, you only know humiliation. And you hate to think this way because you always search for your brain for a time you were truly happy, but you always come up empty.

Something is always missing. Something is always missing and you’re always alone but you can’t even be upset because you do it to yourself.

It feels like you’re taking the world on by yourself simply because you are. Because you feel like you need to, this is your burden and yours only. You must suffer to be rewarded for one day you will be able to walk in the sun and be alright.

But to what end? When will you be rewarded?

You want it to be Javier. Just being close to him feels like the reward. The energy you feel just sitting next to him, those eyes you want to swim in, the perfect angle of his nose and the voice that drips from his lips. It must be him, but he won’t even talk to you.

You spend the evening locked in this thought, the concept of the reward — you can convince yourself it isn't real but your heart aches for it knows it is the truth. Which is why Javier is so difficult. He is the one and it makes you dizzy with excitement, but you’re not sure if you can trust it. There is this pull of doubt at the corners of every thought because he still doesn’t know you. Though he could. If he just said the word, you’d spill every story, every thought, every idea you’ve ever had. How you long for more. More life. More love. More sex. More understanding. To truly be alive, not just living. Who could understand that better then him?

——

You like the way the cold ground feels under your bare feet as you walk back up to the house in the darkness. You feel lighter, now that you’ve cried and the house that sits quiet and empty is suddenly comforting. This is your life, your home. Javier is just a tourist and he should be so lucky to exist in the same space as you. But maybe this is you just channeling arrogance as to not be so sad, focusing on what he’s missing instead of your desperate need for him to actually see it.

“Claude?” You hear from the living room at the first creak of the wooden stairs.

You tiptoe through the corridor and into the living room to find Javier taming his fluffy hair with a yawn. Your jaw tightens.

“I’ve been waiting for you. I fell asleep.” He says and you just stand there, crossing your arms over your light blue summer dress. “Can you come sit?”

Shit.

“I don’t know Javi, I’m tired.” You shrug.

“Look, I just want to apologize.” He says, standing up and turning toward you, “We had sex and I haven’t spoken to you since and that’s fucked up. I’m sorry.”

Your eyes widen, but he doesn’t see because he looks down like he’s ashamed. You believe him. Gliding across the living room, you watch him in his usual ensemble — tight black t-shirt, soft cotton pants and his thick black framed glasses, and sit back down with him, on your side.

“It’s just everything with this book, I’ve never felt this kind of anxiety.” He says, his eyes cast down, resting his head on his fist propped up by the top of the couch.

You nod for you understand, but it hurt. “You didn’t even look at me this week.”

“I know.” He sighs, “I know, but I really am sorry. Please believe me when I say I’ve missed you.”

You look up at him, biting your cheek to contain your excitement.

“I miss you even while we live in the same house.” He says, looking away. His hand fidgets against his knee. “If you’re not at breakfast, or you spend your day here, reading in the living— I miss you when you aren’t around me.”

You wish there was a way to burn these words into your brain so you could have them at any time, to hear his voice say these things to you. This validation that he has felt the same after these long, horrible days of practically ignoring each other.

Bringing your hand to his cheek, you turn Javier’s gaze back to you, and study him as you feel the fine hairs of his beard under your fingertips. He looks tired, even behind his glasses you can see the deep longing for rest in his eyes. You don’t think he’s used to rejection either.

Javier leans into your touch with a soft hum and you could almost lose your breath from the tenderness. You want to hold him, bury your nose in his hair and tell him to rest with you. Just laying together, his big body between your legs and head on your stomach, until the inevitable rising of the sun. You can hardly bring yourself to imagine how beautiful Javi must look by the light of the morning.

“Come here.” You whisper, though it’s barely audible, as you rise up on your knees so you are flush against his side, looking down at him. Before you kiss him, Javier kisses you, and your hand floats down from his cheek to wrap your arms around his glorious neck.

Javi wastes no time, his one big hand dragging up your spine to squeeze the back of your neck, holding your against him. And with the other, letting his thick fingers dig into the soft flesh of your ass. You can feel the desperation in his skin, and you want all of it, this exquisite juxtaposition of feeling both safe in his arms but that he could also crush you with his desire.

What was life before this? Before Javier’s thick moans into your mouth, his heavy wet finger tips tracing. He takes up all the air in the room and you don’t stop him. He is everything.

You break off the kiss for a moment and remove his glasses. “I missed you too.”

“I’ve only touched you once, but I have spent every day thinking about you. Kissing you. Having you.” He says, pulling you impossibly closer to him. “It’s all I’ve wanted, every day.”

“Why didn’t you tell me.” You ask, and you can’t help the confused look on your face but Javier doesn’t respond. You search his face anyway longing for something heartfelt, like he was locked up in his head, consumed by his feelings for you, like you were. Instead, he kisses you again. Swallowing any upsetting feeling you’ve had since you’ve touched him last.

Kissing Javier is a soft pleasure all in its own, but you want more. More skin. More contact. To ache around him again. To show him how much you truly missed him.

“Let me take care of you.” You whisper, your palm trailing flat down the man’s chest. You get lower and lower, kissing along the beautiful exposed skin of his neck, dragging your hand down the soft black fabric until you reach the drawstring of Javi’s pants.

“Are you sure?” He asks, and you feel his body stiffen as he looks around.

You nod, pushing your legs out from underneath you so you’re laying flat on the couch, your face practically in his lap. “Just relax.”

Javier lets all the air escape from his chest as you pull on the pants and he lifts his hips so you can get them down his thighs.

He watches you with heavy eyes, his mouth falling open as you kiss up the underside of his length, hardening under your lips. Swirling your tongue around the tip, you rest your head on Javier’s lower abdomen lazily, feeling him grow even more in your hand as you stroke him.

“Shit..” He says through his teeth, smoothing your hair back out of your face for you.

You continue to take your time teasing him. Humming in delight as Javier can barely contain himself, thrusting up into your hand shamelessly. He keeps his eyes closed, hands in your hair and you can feel the relief radiating from him. He was desperate for touch.

“Oh, Javi.” You coo, as his head falls back on to the couch, fucking up into your hand and you swear you can hear him whimper. This feeling of power over Javier is absolutely intoxicating, to feel so disconnected from him all week then to have him almost pathetically trying to relieve himself with any bit of human contact you’ll allow him.

“Look what you do to me.” He growls. “Fucking your ha-and...”

Javier reaches around, taking his length from your delicate grasp and pushes you lightly into his pelvis.

“You’re so fucking — soft.” He grunts, tapping his throbbing head against your lips before dragging his cock along your face.

You smile, letting him. Revealing your tongue for a moment to tease him once more.

“Thought you wanted to take care of me.” He says, his voice tight and you feel his hand in the back of your hair as he continues to run his length along your face. Grinning as his grip tightens, he doesn’t hurt you, it’s just about the control.

“I do.” You moan, as Javi softly pushes and pulls your head in a rhythmic motion, just hovering over him.

“Open your mouth.” He mumbles and you do what you’re told.

Javier motions your neck down, pulling you slowly over him, taking just his head in your mouth. “Is this okay sweetheart?”

“Mhm.” You whimper around him, your thighs involuntarily rubbing together, searching for some kind of relief from the arousing pull of his voice.

“Yeah? F-Fuck your pretty mouth.” He grunts, thrusting up slowly, stretching your lips to accommodate his thickness. You close your eyes, focusing on the fullness, calming your breath to take him.

“Stay just like this.” Javier sighs, his other hand tangling into your hair to keep you in place and you hum in agreement. Then he thrusts — quickly like he’s actually fucking you and it comes as a surprise but the moan that drips from his mouth almost instantly is enough to make you squeeze your thighs tighter. You have never felt a high like this, being exactly what Javier wants.

You dig your finger nails into his thighs as he takes you, a blunt, bruising force to the back of the throat and you can’t help but gag.

“That’s a good girl.” He says, “Taking my dick in your hot fucking mouth. I love that sound.”

You gag once more and Javier pulls out to you gasping. Spit suspended from your mouth to his cock and you watch it for a moment before grinning up at Javi.

“You’re so fucking cute.” He shakes his head in disbelief, wiping the saliva from your mouth.

“I’ve never done that before.” You smile, looking down slightly embarrassed as you wonder if you were even any good.

“You keep saying that...” Javi’s voice trails off as he pulls your dress up to knead your behind. You love having his hands on you, playing with you. “But you’d never know...”

You try to suppress your satisfied smile, flattening your palms around the base of Javier’s shaft, you take him back in your mouth.

“Fuck...” he exhales long and slow, grabbing a rough handful of your ass before pushing you down on to him, taking him completely down your throat and keeps you there. Your eyes water, and your leg kicks out before he lets you breathe again, coming up for air with a cough you look up at him and he looks down at you like the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

——

Javier pulls you back up against his side, and he looks up at you as he’s slumped down into the couch. You wrap your arms back around his neck, fluttering your fingers through his hair and he nuzzles your chest, pressing his lips into your skin. You wish he was like this always, soft in your arms.

Javi hooks a finger into the top of your dress and pulls down, freeing your breasts, nipples hard in attention and he takes one in his mouth. Your cradle his head as he sucks on the buds and you let your own fall back slowly, relishing in the feeling of his tongue and his lips, the brushing of his moustache and the digging of his nose and how sweet he looks in your arms. This is too much, you’re going dizzy.

Javier helps you pull your dress over his head and his lips quickly return to your nipples. His big warm hands squeezing your bust harshly, alternating with his teeth scraping the sensitive flesh and completely pressing his face into your chest. Even as you climb into his lap, on top of him completely nude, his tongue doesn’t give up until you pull his face up to yours for a kiss.

He tastes like everything you want to drown in and it’s heady, like a force you must fight before it completely consumes you, but you don’t want to.

“Fuck.” You gasp, grinding your hips along Javi’s length, desperate for more.

“Oh, god.” He chokes, dropping his forehead to your shoulder. “Are you going to fuck me this time, sweetheart?”

“Yeah..” You whine, reaching between your bodies.

“Yeah? You’re gonna bounce that wet little pussy on my dick?” His voice shakes into your neck, and it’s such a contrast from his stern “Get on your bed.” from days ago.

You nod, kissing up his jaw in this sudden codependency, his need to feel every inch of you as you both fall back into the couch.

“Relax, Javi. Let me do this for you.” You coo, sinking down on to him. You hum from the incredible stretch and Javier groans right into your ear.

“That pussy is so fucking tight.” He says, out of breath. “Don’t move.”

You obey him, stilling in his lap and Javier lifts his head from the safe space between your neck and your shoulder and he looks up at you.

“What if I just held you here like this.” He says, almost to himself, his hands coming up to your ass. “Stuffed full of my dick and I didn’t let you move.”

“Javi...” You whine.

“Would you still be my good little girl?”

“Javi...” You whine louder, your chest feeling like it’s going to collapse, Javier’s fingers digging into you and he gives you two small thrusts.

“You love being my good girl, don’t you?” Javier whispers, pushing your hair behind your shoulders.

More than anything.

“Yes.” You gasp.

“I know you do.” He says, guiding you slowly up and down. “Just sucking my dick made this pussy a dripping mess.”

“I love it.” You groan as the sound of your skin against his gets louder as you work your hips for him.

Javier looks a moment away from possession and it just fuels you, for you have him where you always want him and you want this to be the death of him.

You still again, but only for a moment to steady yourself as you get up on your feet.

“Shit..” Javier sighs, before he turns you both with your arms wrapped around him, his back now against the arm rest and his legs straight out along the couch. “There you go, baby.”

You reach behind you, finding your balance with your grip on his knees and you pull your hips up.

“Oh my fucking god.” Javier gasps, running his hand down his face and you push your hips down slowly, watching him and in this moment he is really yours.

Fighting through the burning in your arms and your legs, you give him everything you’ve got. Mewing in the pleasure of seeing him underneath you like this, needing you like this. Submitting to the grinding of your hips and the wetness that aches around him. You wish you could see yourself on top of him, your chest bouncing, skin glowing in sweat so he knows exactly what he could have, whenever he wanted it.

“Your pussy is so fucking pretty.” Javier says, his thumb dragging across your mound and down to your clit, that is begging for attention and the moment his fingertip grazes the sensitive nerve your legs clamp together. But he doesn’t stop. Even as his length falls from your body from the increased height of your hips, Javier’s hand doesn’t retreat from the soft thighs it’s wedged between. Circling your clit over and over, your arms buckle and you hold your breath. You thought you had the power but even on top of him you’re just putty in his hand and he knows exactly what to do to make you sing.

“Are you going to squirt for me again?” He rasps, his other hand pushing you down into his lap. “I want to watch this pretty little pussy squirt all over me.”

“Put it back.” You gasp, trying to force your legs open.

“Yeah, baby? Do you need my dick?” Javi teases, pushing at your thigh to open up for him again. He finally eases his dizzying pressure on your clit and holds you just above his pulsing head, slick with you. Running his tip along your folds, you try to sink down on to him, but he keeps you suspended.

“Beg me.” He demands. “You know I love the way you say my fucking name.”

“Please, Javi.” You whine, grinding your hips into nothing. “Please, I love your cock so much, give it to me.”

You push yourself up and fall forward so your hands are on his chest, “Please, Javi. Make me squirt again. Only you know how to fucking do it”

“Oh, fuck.” He groans, pushing up into you sharply despite your yelp. “Anything for my good little girl.”

Javier pulls you down, flush against his chest, still clothed against your’s nude and he wraps his arms around you. He smells like amber and fresh linens as always. Summer. A sunset. The breeze off the ocean and wine. Safe.

His grip around you tightens as you inhale him, pounding up into you as he finds your ear, and his voice is like syrup, “I’m going to take care of you sweetheart. Going to make this pussy cum. You tell me okay? I want to see it. Want to see you fucking soak me. Don’t by shy, my good little girl. Give it to me.”

“Fuck, Javi.”

“You’re so fucking incredible. Taking my big dick in this perfect little pussy. Let go, Claude. Cum for me, angel.”

You groan lewdly and Javi’s hand comes down on your mouth.

“Shh. Shh. Shh.” He warns, and you sigh into his palm. Angel.

This pace is overwhelming, and as he’s restricted your limbs there really is nothing you can do but take it, trying to keep your thighs from clamping together every time Javier brushes that incredible spot within you. Your moans getting longer, from an even deeper part of your throat every time. Your core twists and tightens as he brings you there, unlike anyone else ever has.

“Javi, now!” You exclaim, barely recognizing the screech in your voice and Javier pulls out. His lap wet with you.

“Oh that’s a good fucking girl.” He says, kissing the top of your head as you fall to his side. “That’s so fucking hot.”

Your house guest’s impressive length twitches in his hand as he strokes himself, his nose buried in your hair as you nuzzle his chest in hazy delight and he keeps whispering, “Fucking you is such a dream. You make it so hard not to just nut in that tight fucking pussy.”

You hum, lifting our head up and kissing him softly. “Cum for me.”

“Yeah?” He swallows.

“Please, Javi.” You sigh.

“Where?” He asks, stroking himself harder.

It takes all your strength, but you slip silently off the couch and on to your knees. “On my face.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He says, getting up quickly.

Javier takes your chin delicately in his hand, stroking himself with vigor with the other, and you display your tongue for him, feeling the weight of his cock on it instantly.

“Such a good girl, letting me cum on your pretty fucking face like this. I don’t deserve you. So fucking— pretty.” He groans, with everything left and in this moment you have him, again.

——

You wake in your bed, and you know it’s late because you’re hit by a wall of heat followed swiftly by disappointment when you realize you are, once again, alone. With your arm spread out at your side, you know you are going to be met with nothing but empty sheets and you still feel it at the pit of your stomach anyway.

You sit up with a sigh, back to normal you suppose. Another day of existing separately, but together with only your lost puppy sense of self and a fascination for this man to sustain you.

Then you see him. Javier leaning up against your balcony door with his coffee, wearing only his pyjama bottoms. He hears you stirring and looks back with a smile, “Good morning.”

——

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Love, Zelda