#( abt. ) but then i realized i am no higher power

[lokadottr]

{ 𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔩𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔳𝔦 𝔢𝔡𝔦𝔱𝔰  / / shoulders back walking with my head held high tonight back in the ring i’m chasin’ down gold tonight }

non-mutuals do not reblog

{ insp } 

[lokadottr]

( @anogardarys )

10 Things I Hate About You (1999) dir. Gil Junger

[throwaway-yandere]

𝑫𝒐𝒍𝒄𝒆 𝑺𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝑵𝒖𝒐𝒗𝒐 (Yandere!Dainsleif/Reader)

a/n: I love Dainsleif with every fiber of my being, do you guys know that? Anyways, just like all Dain-fics, this one has illustrations (I hope they give Fairytale book vibes). I’d like to thank @meimeimeirin cuz this was an idea we were laughing abt at 4am and somehow I made something out of it HAHA.

Unreliable Synopsis: “Fairytale worlds follow fairytale laws. There’s always a protagonist burdened with impossible tasks who will experience the rule of three, witness transformations, find talking animals, and learn the power of kept promises. So, before you embark on your journey, "princess" (Y/n), have you heard of the Ugly Duckling’s tale?” 

CW: light yandere themes, fairytale!au just for the hell of it. HURT/NO COMFORT. Late/Advanced happy birthday, Dainsleif.

"The destined knight is late," the great dragon clicked his tongue. One would expect that an inferior creature such as an ugly duckling would quake and shrink while perched on the Dragon King's hand. But their expression was nothing short of serene. There is a veneer of calm that the great Dragon Ongri did not overlook. 

The "duckling" had the eyes of an old gentleman with worldly disinterests. 

He was longing for death.

𝕺nce upon a time, there was an ugly duckling who was abandoned by both their siblings and mother. Oftentimes, he was pecked by his peers, sneered into thinking his big head and scarred face. were both a reason for his survival and misery all the same. The ugly duckling thought himself unloveable no matter where he went. The small waters he was born in had no room for miscreation, and when he traveled to an elderly's house elsewhere, the chickens thought him useless and undesirable. Normally, the story would've been a happier bedtime story if he had gone to meet the Royal birds and begged for them to end his life. Maybe then, he would've realized that he had not been a duck but a swan all along. But alas, our poor ugly "duckling" found his feet at the hands of the great Dragon King- Ongri's mercy.

"Will you kill me?" The ugly duckling asked calmly. "You need to release your anger, and I can be but one of many casualties."

"I am not a creature of impulse."

The divine dragon scowled. "After Bars' and Fein' deaths, the concept that this realm dubs as Time and Moments is now under my jurisdiction. I've no use for wasted breaths."

As it happens, the dragon was in a troubling situation. There is an immediate need for a substitute. Sensing the urgency of fate's call, Ongri unleashed an ancient incantation. Feathers singed into flesh, wings clipped into arms, and in a burst of radiant light, the "ugly duckling" was reborn as a human knight. His body had scar-like spots from the Divine Dragon infusing him with magic, albeit the metamorphosis was far from flawless. Even as a human, he was imperfect. Mysterious dark blue "burn lines" traced his neck and arms. With the new human's eyes still closed, the dragon spoke to him, the last for a long time: "Forget your past and this whole affair." He commanded. "Go, find and protect your princess."

It mattered not if this was the last breath Ongri would tell him, besides…

When a god applies a curse, it takes effect at a higher level of reality than the person themselves.

“(Y/n)…”

“It’s me, Dainsleif… Can you… still remember my voice?”

“…”

“I… understand that once a person reaches this stage of the curse, their senses get muted. The remnants of those who once dwelled here must have been the catalyst of your ailments worsening..”

“… I’m sorry. I am incredibly sorry that I found you at such a later time. It did not occur to me that you would be here in the Chasm.”

“In our next fairy tale, I’ll—”

“No… I cannot subject you to any more empty promises… But know this:”

“I will keep you safe from now on.”

“So, do not leave my side ever again.”

And the new knight opened his eyes.

Memories of the dragon vanished from his mind. He was now a being of larger flesh and bones without recollections of his past. Should another human take his shoes, they would know that it was a fresh awakening. His first breath tasted like rich champagnes. Golden. Even the sun shone in such resplendent light that made the world seemingly revolve around him.

His legs wobbled. Sliding onto the grassy area, he caught a sight of his hair. Blonde. Like hay— they were golden threads silkily strewn about. He soon noticed that the rest of his complexion was a light pinkish-hued color, as did the hands that prevented his head from taking a serious fall.

The reborn “ugly duckling” may have forgotten why, but he felt alienated from his own body. And he has the Divine Dragon to thank for his new vessel and plain armor.

“Help! Someone, HELP!!!”

His ears perked up. It was a scream with a fervor of a “damsel in distress”. Vent clamor as she may with her whole throat, nothing would come out of it.

But fate will not allow this untimely demise. Quick on his new feet, the new knight dashed towards the sound. No cavalry— just a single determined mind. After running for some time, the unnamed knight did not come across any souls. 

That is, until he found the young maiden he was “fated” to save. She was on the ground, clinging into her wrist as though she burned her hand. In the ground laid an iron sword, begging to be drawn.

At the sight of the wild animal bearing down on her with frightening speed, the “knight” took her weapon and charged towards the scene, raising it in front of the menacing beast. He gazed at the bear that towered over him, displaying its slobbery maw and long, pointed claws. The untamed creature snarled and dropped to strike. 

Perhaps the Divine Dragon saw his noble pursuits, perhaps he was naturally gifted in combat, but the bear was unable to rake the man’s body. Miraculous it was that not a single nasty laceration was left on his person. He lacked the strength to take it down in one fell swoop, but the speed he had made up for it. Like swans that swerved through the wind and flow of water, he dodged all its attacks. With a few strikes from his blade, the bear falls...

He breathed out, shaking in his boots though he tried not to show it. Straightening his body, he met the maiden’s gaze. His blue eyes met hers in a piercing gaze, nearly taunting her as his new opponent. The young lady exhaled a deep sigh of relief.

“T-Thank… you…”

Subconsciously, he circled the shoulder that recklessly swung the sword around. The new “knight” tilted his head. For what? He wished to ask, but words did not come out.

“For saving me, of course.”

The maiden gracefully stood. Her garments had lost some of their value due to the soil and dirt, but she herself was not affected in the same way. She exuded a fierceness that suggested anyone who ventured to hurt her would be receiving more than they bargained for. Instead of tucking her hair to the back, she pulled them forward, hiding her ears.

“Do allow me to introduce myself, kind knight.” She cleared her throat softly. “You may call me Princess (F/n), daughter of King Regan and current crown princess— heir to the throne upon the late Prince Pierre’s demise. May I know your name?”

…

… Silence…

The princess tilted her head. 

"... Does my savior have a name?"

"... Name?"

The young man paused.

He couldn't remember his name. In actuality, he had absolutely no memory of anything. His mind was a bottomless pit with little to no air. With wide eyes, his hand moved slowly to around his neck. The act of conjuring up his supposed name left him terrified for reasons unbeknownst to him.

Does he… not have a name?

“... You must be joking.” The princess deadpanned. “How can one not have a name? Were you not baptized under the Divine Dragon’s light?”

She sounded incredibly upset by this fact. Whatever she ranted on about, it must be a human tradition. 

“Do you not know how important names are—” The princess sighed, “Never mind. I shall assume you are one of those orphaned folks. Besides, if what you say is true, bestowing you a new name is a power much more potent.”

“I… want a name.” The man spoke up rather shyly, voice almost inaudbile.

"I know, I know… Huh, I usually take names rather than gifting them," the princess chuckled. She seemed wholly aware of his dilemma. "Hmm… Let me see…"

She examined his features closely. He was dressed in the traditional knightly fashion, albeit slightly altered. The holy kingdom's knights, of course, never donned masks—especially not half of one. He was strange, but there was an innocent genuineness about him. The blonde man doesn't have a polished appearance. He looked like a lost duckling.

It was rude to stare at the peculiar blue wounds on his face far too long so the princess’ eyes trailed above his hair.

"Leaf…" She pointed upward. "Leaf."

The knight blinked.

What a peculiar sounding name.

"Understood." He nodded and bowed politely. "I shall now be referred to as Leaf."

"No, I meant—" The princess cut herself off and chuckled. "Oh, well. I meant the leaf on one's head. But certainly the name Leaf does suit you fine."

“Do place your iron sword away, Leaf.” She added, cringing. “It is unbecoming of a knight to point a sword to their princess.”

“May… May I ask as to why you were attacked by a bear?”

“Quite bold of you to inquire a royal about a recent assassination attempt,” she humored him with a smile. He safely assumed she would not enact punishment for his assertiveness. “If you must satiate your curiosity, it is exactly that. An assassination attempt. They believed since my brother had fallen so easily, I myself must be an easy game since I adore wandering around the forest.”

“And they seem to be right,” Leaf muttered, wittily referring to the incident prior that arranged this fated meeting.

“Oh?” She scoffed, her polite smile remaining intact. “You’ve quite the tongue. Are you from the valleys?”

“I do not know.”

She squinted.

“Hmm, I see.” The princess exhaled and shook her head disapprovingly. “Then I am to presume that I should also use my wits to cleverly weave a background for you much like your name, Leaf?”

“You wish for me to serve you, that I can tell, and for that to happen I would need your equal assistance,” Leaf spoke solemnly. “I do not recall anything of my past, but you can always make one for me.”

Leaf knelt in front of her. Silence ensued.

“You are deadly calm for a man who wished his history be erased…” The princess muttered.

Leaf was a strange man indeed. He was perceptive, yet he spoke like fate’s pawn. That is to say, the princess noticed he only ever says the truth. His countenance conveyed little desire to adopt rebellious ideologies. To be honest, there was nothing in those contrivedly starry eyes. It was bare. A false sky. 

It almost made the princess worry for his lack of self-preservation had she not been the same. Lies were always at her hands’ disposal, and she greatly hoped it was not what her heart would contain in her last pages. She didn’t wish for a life of deceit. The princess's survival solely comes from her ability to “doublespeak”.

“I see your promise. You are made of self-mettle. Although your blunt tongue may mar your fortunes sooner before you could gaze upon His Majesty, I wish to prescribe you with new duties.”

She took a deep breath.

“This directive shall not be withdrawn in the name of the Divine Dragon. Leaf, a young knight from the Valley of Gaciea who will shortly be appointed retainer to the Royal Highness, Princess (F/n), kneels before me. Until the end of time, he shall be my sword, and I will be his master. Will you keep your word and uphold the oath— the promise?”

“I will.”

Not a moment did he hesitate. Not for a second did he think there was more to life than this. It was nearly bitter. His life sounded so simple to her tongue.

But it was a contract nonetheless. 

A promise that must be fulfilled.

“I find myself stirred in restless days without you my by side. You haunted me so diligently this past 500 or so years.”

“Humor me, won’t you… my b-beloved?”

“Why have you hid away from me? Why did I have to find you in this state? Furred and mute. Didn’t you take a breath to think about how much your pain would mean a greater weight for me? Have you not a second thought about how much it pains me to see you like this— bearing the fangs of the abyss and the claws of the cursed…?”

“The only sigh of relief I can release is that at least in this new sky, Ongri— no, he calls himself Zhongli these days— would get between us no more.”

“This new fairy tale… For how long do you expect me to keep this promise, (Y/n)? How many more stories must we get through for us to reach a happy ending?”

“Please… I’m begging you… Say something!!!”

“…”

“… Speak… Please… Anything…”

“Tell me about our past rendezvous. Seduce me with your musings. Anything… can't you try, just for this special day?”

“Please… don’t turn your mask away from me…”

“Do you find time to flow as quick as the waters by the stream? I am inclined to believe this sentiment. I find it astonishing that we’ve spent eleven or so moonshines joined at a hip. Time ages us but we are none the wiser.”

Leaf grunted, heaving Princess (F/n)’s inventory as she spoke. He didn’t seem distressed by the weight and his princess appeared not at all troubled as well. At least, that what it seemed on the surface. Royals must make their superiority known. Leaf knew (F/n) wanted to also carry some of the bags, but he refused.

There were several notions Leaf refused that noon. When (F/n) entertained the thought of going out as herself and by herself, he disapproved with haste. Leaf had to know where she’s going, who she was going with, what she’s going to wear— just about everything. His voice alone overwhelmed the princess enough that you’d mistake him for the king. The knight practically ordered what she would wear and what route she’d have to take if she wished to see the ongoing festival. 

Being herself was a safety hazard and being alone by herself was a death wish.

To his eyes, at least. He had always been a twinge too overprotective.

It was a hectic morning with a picture-perfect, almost cliche scene of bustling streets and frolicking kids on a medieval setting. While children would swerve around adults' legs to avoid getting tagged, adults walked slowly to hear each gossip. One kid had nearly hit the princess herself, but Leaf would not allow it.

Leaf pulled (F/n) away by putting an arm over her waist. The smell of her sweet perfume surprised him. Her smell reminded him of the forest. For the knight who professed to guard her innocence, her warm body lightly pressed against his was a fleeting but almost immoral moment. He set her down slowly, gasping quietly. The princess chose not to draw attention to the troubled expression on her most reliable retainer.

It was better not to acknowledge his growing romantic interests.

To her, he is only a sword.

Even if he is a friend, at the end of the day, he’s only a weapon to be used.

The princess quickly pulled the cape down further to hide her face— mostly her ears. For reasons unknown to him, she seemed to find that part of herself worthy of great insecurity.

He cleared his throat, face dusted in a pink hue.

“You say that time affects you, but you haven’t aged a day.”

The princess laughed.

“Finally, a compliment from a man as stoic as you? Oh, what a day to rejoice!”

Leaf shook his head with a small smile.

“I had given you one on several occasions.”

“That may be true, but random bouts of flattery from you are scarce.” The princess hummed. “I vaguely recall how getting anything out of you was like trying to get a frozen little duckling to quack. Who am I? Your mother duck?”

The smirk on his face was quick, but (F/n) definitely saw it.

Several staff once questioned Leaf’s ability to speak. Many, including (F/n)’s father, were convinced he was mute. Everyone in the castle knew of the princess’s peculiar tastes and thought Leaf’s recruitment was a mere byproduct. His masked appearance and strange scars added more fuel to those rumors. When Leaf defended (F/n) from another assassination attempt in front of the king and inquired about her condition, King Regan nearly toppled from where he stood. 

After being bombarded with questions, Leaf merely said he refrained from speaking since he saw no use if he wasn't talking to the princess herself. (F/n) still finds it absurd that she has to give orders for him to talk to other people.

For Leaf, it was simple: he just didn’t see the point of forming other interpersonal relationships.

(F/n) was the only one that mattered in his eyes.

Only her.

Only she is worthy to serve and protect.

“You truly are like a little duckling following his mother’s tail,” Princess (F/n) sighed. “But you have vastly improved in our time together. That, I can commend.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.” Leaf laughed softly, mocking her tone in his signature subtle way. “Oh, what a day to rejoice.”

She playfully gave him an elbow nudge. “Do not copy me, Leaf.”

“My apologies.”

Princess (F/n) was meandering around because the harvest festival was drawing closer. With her own eyes, the princess intended to see how her people were faring. Rarely did she change into a more "common" outfit and styled her hair with simplicity. Though, if you were to ask Leaf, seeing her in her most simple clothes made her far more youthful than the garbs and crown that wrinkles her smile to a frown.

“Madame, would you be interested in buying your lover here a brooch?”

Both of them stilled as a merchant called out. The undercover royal pointed to herself.

“Yes, yes, of course I’m talking to you, gorgeous!” The merchant grinned. He had silver hair that slightly covered one of his blue eyes. “Do you want matching rings instead? We’re selling for fifty percent off!”

Leaf’s gaze was stern. Despite his reservations, he knew the merchant as Alfstan, another young knight who hailed from a family of vendors. Two moonshines ago, Leaf was (forcefully) placed on training duty and had the fortune of mentoring this aspiring knight. 

Mind you— nothing was particularly dubious of his wares. Leaf just simply despised having another man brazenly take your attention away. He did not find their previous exchanges pleasant. Not when Alfstan often joked about replacing his position one day.

What hubris.

While he busied himself glaring at the poor man, the princess awkwardly laughed and dismissively waved a hand. “Oh, no, he and I— we are not—”

“Haha, I know, I was just pulling your leg, Your Highness.” Alfstan grinned, giving Leaf a quick nod. “Morning, Sir Leaf! Were you showing the princess around?”

“Shhh! Be quiet!” (F/n)'s eyes widened.

He protectively wrapped an arm around (F/n) again, this time far more confidently. 

“Yes.” Leaf spoke, voice as solid as his resolve.

“Mind if I tag along?”

His stare sharpened. “I would very much mind, now return to your stall.”

The princess shook her head, poorly judging her retainer’s possessive words as acts of protection. Instead, she dwelled on their attire. “Drats, was our disguise that fragile?”

Alfstan assessed her from top to bottom, which made Leaf even more tense. “Eh, you’re really gorgeous that no cloak can hide your beauty, Your Highness.”

“I have to agree,” Leaf said stiffly, clearing his throat. “Perhaps I should hide her in a hay sack. WIthout your prying eyes.”

(F/n) raised an eyebrow. “And what? And be suspected of kidnapping me instead?” 

Leaf shrugged. “Does that sound like an offense I would commit?”

Alfstan rolled his eyes. “Well, obviously. Besides, the only way you wouldn’t get caught is if you hid her in something as small as a teapot.”

And he would be right. But it will take eons to prove those suspicions as truth.

“Going back to your wares, Sir Alfstan,” (F/n) digressed. “These iron-framed tassels, are they made by your hand?”

Alfstan's respect for the princess grew.

“Yes, how did you come up with that conclusion? Most passersby believed I had ‘em commissioned from the East.”

(F/n) smiled crookedly. Leaf caught a glimpse of discomfort, but it was gone in a bat of an eye.

“I… I admire your skill with molding iron.” To the untrained ear, (F/n) sounded flustered and embarrassed. To Leaf, he was certain that she was unsure of herself. “It is commendable, how you smith your very own weapons, that is. I know many of our soldiers come to you when their blades are chipped.”

“You’ve heard of my skills?!” Alfstan beamed proudly. “Really?!”

The princess nodded. “Y-Yes…”

It was odd. Despite her high praise, her wariness remained. She looked at the blonde man. “He had also made your new Ulfberht sword too, right? It certainly pierces much better than his old one.”

Leaf didn’t bother with a reply, Alfstan made it for him.

“Yes, Your Highness. I thought it would make for a thoughtful birthday present!”

“Speaking of presents…” The princess gazed down, analyzing the items he sold once more. “What do you recommend as a gift for someone important?”

If Alfstan was elated by her earlier compliments, he could practically jump over the moon at her newest proposition.

“Oh? OH?!?”

Leaf gave (F/n) a strict yet gentle glare.

“Your Highness…”

“I still won’t let it slide!” (F/n) huffed. “I couldn’t possibly be satisfied with just new sets of armor. Alfstan, by my order, suggest a pleasant gift for the stubborn knight beside me.”

“On it!”

Without delay, the two bent down to select the ideal accessory for the man who vehemently refused. Alfstan was the only one touching the gems and (F/n) refrained from doing so. Tiny flecks of gold and iron infused the tassels, but she feared she would handle the stones carelessly.

Leaf palmed his face with one hand as the two chattered. Still, despite Leaf’s disapproving looks, he finds (F/n)’s enthusiasm to make him happy a wonderful notion in itself. To think that (F/n) would continue to insist on a present for a birthday that had since passed… She was more stubborn than he was.

“So troublesome…” He muttered with a soft smile. “I see no point in this, Princess (F/n). Serving you is a miracle enough itself—”

“Halt! Speak no more, Sir Leaf!” (F/n) exclaimed. “There! That one, Alfstan— that gem resembles his eyes, does it not?!”

“You have great tastes, Princess (F/n)!” Alfstan nodded eagerly like a motivated student. “That does look like his shade of blue— and so quick to find it among the pile, too! Are you sure you’re not some sort of custodian of natural treasures?”

Princess (F/n)’s awkward and stifled laughter can be heard again.

“What? Haha, what nonsense.” She shook her head. “Everyone calls me Princess (F/n), any other name would surely sound terrifying and mismatched.”

A nonanswer, but that made the conversation more humorous.

“Here you go!”

Alfstan reached his hand out with the tassel. (F/n) stared at him, silent and unsure. He blinked and snapped his fingers.

“Oh, right, you need a box— my deepest apologies, I was too caught up in the moment!”

The princess sighed in relief.

Leaf crossed his arms. “You’re doing well for your first time setting up a stall, Alfstan.”

“This isn’t my first and you know it, Sir!”

(F/n) laughed.

The merchant wrapped the gift she brought with care. The hush looms large around them as the merchant boastfully goes about his business, his tone comforting to her ears. The Princess walks over to the gift box once the merchant has finished. She can't help but smile because she can feel the tassel inside.

“Not exactly a surprise since Sir Leaf is here, but the packaging adds some charm, right?” Alfstan asked.

The princess couldn’t hold back a smile as she looked at the knight behind her.

“I think most of the charm comes from the person who’ll receive it,” (F/n) chuckled.

“Don’t you think so, Leaf?”

She wouldn’t know. And she’d never know a lot of things.

She never got the chance to ask her most precious knight if he liked that gift.

And she never will. No matter how many days, months, years, centuries— eons Leaf would wait, he would never hear the princess ask that same question again after this.

It would not matter if he was a judge, a prince, a knight, or a mere animal— it did not matter how many sweet new styles he would take. In the end, his arms will always be empty. Everything was pre-ordained. Dying in his arms, whether it’s slow and painful or mercilessly quick— will remain as the last line. He will always hold on to your corpse, warmth draining. 

This was your fate, (F/n)— no, (Y/n) (L/n).

This was just the first of many branches of the Irminsul. The first of its many reiterations, possibilities, or better yet, alternate tales or "universal resets". 

Princess "(F/n)" coughed, wetting the side of her lips.

"I haven't been able to p-personally attach that tassel on your s-sword, b-but… but I can spare you enough seconds to fly away…"

"Don't make haste!" Leaf gritted his teeth as he applied some pressure down her stomach. "This is not your decision to make!"

She didn't reply to his desperation, but she silently disagreed.

In her palm was the tassel, out of its box. The blue threads darkened with the taints of her blood. The metallic scent was nauseating. It weaved in a disorganized fashion around her fingers. 

What a beautiful and tragic loom of fate, to love someone you were bound to hold with ruin. 

It would’ve hurt less if it weren’t in his colors too.

"This marks the worst day of my life," the “princess” smiled, tucking the stray hair behind Leaf's face. "And even if given the opportunity, I wouldn't dare c-change not even a minute detail about it."

As if she— as if you— have the power to change destiny.

You're not a descender.

You're just a pawn.

That's when Leaf realized how fragile life ultimately was. With the curse undoing itself, he recalled and reflected on his animal days. He understood the Divine Dragon's intense frustration over a lowly duckling's will to perish. The curse of becoming human meant knowing the greed men had, but also the beauty of their kindness. 

His small bird heart was not meant for this much sorrow. His life was meant to be simple. To learn that he was not a duck, but a swan. 

How was he supposed to cope that the woman he had sworn to protect was not human, but a fae?

Everyone in the kingdom knew that the king would sooner disclaim his paternity than allow the crown princess (F/n) to truly lead— but they never had any real reason to support the king for this. The princess’s words were always more kind and ponderous than that of her supposed father’s. They thought him mad. They thought him deplorable. They thought him old and senile.

But he would not be king if he were not sharp.

Why, oh why, would the princess make great efforts to constantly hide her ears? Why would the princess utter roundabout ways in speaking her “own” name? Most of all, why would the princess fear the touch of iron?

There was a simple answer: she was not the princess, but a liar.

And yet, Leaf was the sole person who did not care, for he thought himself as the worst sinner or “quack” in comparison.

The kingdom won't learn the full truth for some time after this, but the fae made a bargain with the real princess. The real princess would elope with a farm boy and, in return, the fae would take her name. The trade was not malevolent. The two women were secret friends since childhood and neither wished the other harm.

But the townsfolks had little patience. They would sooner throw pebbles and stones than kneel for a false princess.

The moral of the story, like most Brothers Grimm’s fairy tales, was simple: virtue will be rewarded, iniquity will be punished. The storytellers do not care beyond that, no matter how dark it sounds to the children who will hear it. The fae lied, therefore the kingdom shall rightfully punish her.

They better thank the dragon they oh-so admire that the court fae did not think themselves evil. They better sleep soundly, knowing that they have slaughtered a well-intentioned guardian.

For he will not and never will.

Not even with a change of title, name, and universe. Whether the land he walked on was called Gaciea, Fodlan, Belobog, the Continental, or Teyvat— what the world steals from him, he promised to take back.

There the two were, back to where it started. The same forest and patch of land where the bear had attacked her. Fate had a funny way of telling tales. Leaf can only scoff at how unimaginative it could be, sometimes. 

Why couldn’t fate think of more comfortable deathbeds for the one he loved?

"You cannot allow this! I cannot allow this!" The knight gritted his teeth. "You will not die— you cannot die. You and I have a promise… You cannot break that one promise!!!”

“(F/n)” grinned.

The look in her eyes disturbed him.

She knew. It is finished. She knew that it was the last page of the book. Just living in these immortalized pages for the fae was well worth the want she had wanted.

“Consummatum est.”

Consummatum est…. 

Leaf gasped shakily.

“Did my life… even have meaning to you as well?”

Her expression was enough to tell him the words “who knows?” She surely did not. Her mind was buzzing and her thoughts were fizzling out. No one knows anymore. Maybe the Divine Dragon would but he would not accept any offering or prayers for these two heretics.

This is fine… He’ll forget his tears soon, surely…

He’s only a sword at her side… She never asked him to be anything more…

He should be okay, once she’s gone…

She grinned, lifelessly tracing her thumb across his cheeks. The curse is undone. The loom of fate was slowly disintegrating. Soon enough, he shall return to his original form. That of an animal. That of an ugly duckling. That of a swan who will forget his human memories. 

It is finished.

On the book’s final page, there is only ever a fae’s corpse and an elegant bird watching over them. With its wings clipped back, curiously watching the light leave their eyes, he will return to the nearby riverbanks and forget what had happened. As retribution for stealing another’s identity, there will be no one left to remember who she truly was.

And that was all there was to it.

With the fae banished, the Kingdom of Gaciea lived happily ever after. THE END.

Dainsleif closed the book and lovingly looked at the “person” beside him in bed. He stroked the “person”’s light brown hair— its color reminiscent of the bear he had slain in his first life.  It’s a shame he had to reunite with you in this condition. But it’s not like he would stop loving you. He doesn’t care if you’re a fae, a sinner—

Or a hilichurl.

He scooted closer beside you.

"So, does the story ring any bells, my beloved?"

Zhongli, upon recalling what happened and the curse he had inflicted on both of you to fulfill some children’s fairy tale, sought the “ugly duckling” and the “false princess”. Retired as he is, he cannot undo the fate you must play nor terminate his contract with Celestia. For consolation, he merely offered the Khaenri’ahn a teapot. Unlike the Chasm, the teapot was forever peaceful and serene. The brightness of lumenstone ores was not as comforting as the adeptal light that peeks through the drapes. This is your current place of residence. Whether you liked it or not.

"To think Nicole would entail the story of our past life." He laughed softly. "And these names... Hah... Are those the best she could conjure up to bypass possible erasure…? I suppose I should still thank her for her best efforts. I can see how challenging it would be to document our story, given how we lived through so many resets."

There’s a slice of cake paired with wooden utensils on the nightstand. If your mind had not deteriorated, you might’ve assumed they were gifts from the aforementioned Nicole and the Geo Archon. Unfortunately, forming a coherent thought required a mental fortitude akin to iron. You currently do not have such willpower. 

“Alfstan— no… Halfdan was right. There will come a time that he’d protect you from harm and not I…” Dainsleif mumbled defeatedly, his eyes burning with tears he couldn’t let out. Far too tired to dwell on it. “He must’ve forgotten his old jests in his previous life because as far as he’s concerned, he’s simply doing his duty as a Black Serpent Knight…”

He pecked your forehead, closing his eyes.

"Did you remember, my beloved? Vacation may not have any business being in my vocabulary but it is my birthday today…" Dainsleif leaned his forehead against the cold stone that covered your face. "I know you— do not feel guilty over your lack of gifts. It is not as if I bothered to count my age since the cataclysm. I didn't want to celebrate this occasion for the past five centuries. Not when you weren't at my side..."

The blonde man turned his gaze to the floor.

How many times will he have to “reincarnate” just to see a happy ending for the both of you?

"Happy birthday… to me…" He sang weakly. "Happy birthday to me…"

The man— the former sentimental judge— the former tyrant prince— the former "ugly duckling"— and now the current bough keeper, observer of fate in this new fairy tale, trembled…

“Happy birthday, happy birthday…”

… And sobbed.

You, in your ungreedy husk of a body, tilted your head in innocence. Pain coursed through every nerve now that the Abyss Order’s cleansing equipment broke. The man before you was no different from the shadows you fought and hid from that would terrorize the dark and cold places in the Chasm you’ve instinctively called home. But somewhere deep down, you carried a complex weight that hilichurls wouldn’t normally have. 

That weight was a human emotion dubbed as "pity."

You pitied the shadow that loomed and embraced you.

And your lone reluctant arm that wrapped around him was enough to make him fully break down.

His throat constricted as he cried into your inhuman shoulders. Your scent was like that of a wet duckling, and he preferred that over the blood that disgraced your form several "fairy tales" ago. Dainsleif caressed the golden band on his finger. It was the most important ring between the two that Pari Zurvan found him clutching whilst unconscious in the wilderness.

At the very least, you were safe.

And you being alive today was a good enough present for him.

You tilted your head down, feeling his warmth one last time while Dainsleif took a deep breath, singing with more air than a proper tune.

Though it was barely discernible, he could just about make out the words you muttered a phrase from the old language of Khaenri'ah. Or at least, he deluded himself that that was the case. In his catatonic mind, you spoke the words:

Happy birthday, my beloved.

"H-Happy birthday to me…"

Taglist: @pix-stuff @sagekun @vennnnn-diagram @dilucragnidvr @tnsophiaonly @lsleepysimpl @kitkareen @dxprived4-starboys

[gem-de-lune]

Helloo! Thank you for all the readings ever since and for the update today! My question is abt you if its not too intruding. If it is, you could just ignore this! That’s totally fine i just got curious because i am a believer of energy and vibrations but i don’t know the specifics of it yet such as to how to communicate or protect them and sorts. I just think tarot is just one way to go around this.

Anyways, how did you get into tarot reading? And how are you doing your practice to improve your intuition(?), if thats the right term for it😅

Aside from helpful and hopeful, I find your readings interesting. I feel like you’re more attuned to people’s energy as opposed to the other readers i see online. You seem more detailed because the other readers comes off as general when they do read like it’d make me think ‘isn’t that just common sense?’

I didn’t know before that people you read can give permission or not if they like 😲 Maybe it’s because it’s the first time I’ve seen a daily reading of someone but how exactly does that work. To what part of the person exactly are you asking? Also, I remember one of your readings where you asked all members and that there were members who were much more open and quicker to respond. I don’t know why but i just imagined little souls of them lining up and all 😭

Oh, when you read do you see a vision on your head or do you hear words? And how does your practice differ from others?

Sorry i thought I was going to ask a few questions only but more questions pop up as I typed this haha. I’m actually curious more than I thought. Again if all this feels too intrusive you don’t have to answer! Sometimes, my curiosity just gets to me.

Thanks again btw! We really appreciate you 🧡

Oooooh i will answer to the best of my ability since a few of yall have been asking something similar and this ask has all those questions compiled lmao.

A- I got into Tarot by essentially ordering a deck and just started doing personal readings for myself right away. I used Tumblr and TarotForum.net (not active to use anymore, but you can research card combinations here, and it is very helpful). I highly recommend just starting with the regular Rider Waite deck bc you need to learn what the most generic cards mean to make things easy later.

B- As for how i practice and improve, as I got more familiar and understanding, i realized there were basically multiple ways to connect energetically for a tarot reading. you could connect to a higher power/diety, or to an individual's subconsious/energy. From there, I began meditating- specifically chakra training, awareness meditations, and Kundalini Awakening Meditation to train my intuition and spiritual connections. At that time, I was connecting to what I call "the universe" mainly. However, the Universe is very finnicky. Sometimes they answer me, and sometimes they do not, and there is no way of me forcing it. I did not realize this until a bit later ofc bc sometimes when you start out, you are not sure of how you should be feeling or what feelings to trust.

But yeah so as I worked on my Chakra training I kind of naturally gravitated more towards people rather than only the Universe, because it makes for a more accurate palatable reading in simple human terms. The Universe and Dieties will always try to tell you more profound and big picture things, but sometimes you do not need all of that. You just need the most simple explaination. So in most instances, I request for the Universe to assist- but only assist rather than getting all my answers from them. And I ask them to be simple and specific on purpose otherwise the message is way too philosophical and weird bc they are trying to tell me the grand plan of things rather than the details- which is what Humans are more focused on. Reading by connecting to the individual makes it more personable and easy to understand.

C- Now as to how I connect with individuals, I do this in about 3 steps that vary. 1st, I make sure I am able to focus my mind. I do this through some breathing exercises that take a few seconds to a minute, and maybe a short meditation. In particular i keep my eyes closed and have a ritual of blowing onto my deck (idk why it just centers me) then I inhale with it against my nose, then blow out one more time with my head tilted up. I like to visualize sending out shimmering wind that travels to where it needs to be and sends me there. At this point, and let's use Seunghan for example, i will see the person I am connecting to.

They could be doing anything, walking down the street, in a cafe, at home, etc. In Seunghan's case he is usually walking around on the streets or at a public space sitting like at a cafe. Maybe I will call out to him or tap him on the shoulder. He looks up and I hold out my hand. Whether he takes it or not is the permission. That is if I can even get that far though.

I can be stopped at any point. Whether I am unable to visualize the air I blow out travelling, or unable to see the person I attempt to connect to, or maybe i try to force it thinking it's me and the person looks weird (has a weird smile, weird expression, or looks warped), or even if they simply don't acknowledge me at all. All of these are the permission indicators. How far I get insidcates how willing they are to share anything at all.

In the case of the last vibe check attempt, I was stifled from just the air blowing. I thought maybe I was not focusing, so I tried more after meditating, but rather than the normal enviornment I was met with a door to which I knocked on to request entry. Upon entering, I was met with some darkness and just weird expressions from Seunghan and one other member I could not place. But all were just standing around staring at me like an intruder. I could not see all their faces which means some did not want me to know what they were feeling at all. So I decided that was a no and I needed to go for now.

Now when it comes to visualizing like this, it is so much faster, more fleeting, and less detailed than what I am describing. It's the vagueness of a fleeting dream almost. Which is why meditating and being focused is important bc every small sensation is a factor that changes the enviornment.

When I do the Vibe checks for all members- I've mentioned before about how "so and so wanted to go first" lol and it IS kinda similar to tiny voices in my head but since it's energy it's just a vibe. I'll ask "who wants to go first" and in my head like a mantra it'll be like "Sohee Sohee Sohee Wonbin Wonbin SOHEE SOHEE Eunseok SOHEE" and some will back off and wait their turn and others will go back and forth for a while before I get annoyed 🥴. The event is similar to when you have a song stuck in your head. The ones that usually care the least about the order are Anton and Sungchan, also sometimes Shotaro. Eunseok likes to be first a lot and so does Wonbin. Sohee it just depends. I usually do Seunghan first regardless so he is never part of those fights lol.

Anyways a lot of this is basic intuition and rather than really detailed visions it is just feeling. You know like how you meet your friend's eyes and you immediately know what they are thinking or wanting to say? It is like that. As to how I came to know how to do that I have absolutley no clue- it is just something I eventually started doing naturally when doing readings and it has been very accurate ever since.

I hope this makes sense lolol i kinda went too in depth but I hope this helps for anyone interested in learning to read tarot in this method. You have to be a very empathetic person though and remember to use protection like sage or crystals bc some people's energy lingers on you and it's not always good at all....

Also be careful if you just connect to dieties bc not all of them are good. USE PROTECTION!!

Hope this was insightful! If anyone has further questions about this, feel free to leave a comment? I'll answer them.

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 160 spoilers and thoughts that i am a tad bit late on (sorry abt that) below the cut

.

.

.

bugs when you lift a rock

I REALLY REALLY LIKED THIS EP IT WAS SUPER COOL AND THE BALANCE BETWEEN THE GAGS AND THE COOL PANELS WAS GREAT

i fucking love . javier being smug so so much THIS WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY HAHAAHAHHAA bud knows his worth fr he really looks like an angel

they're so stupid /aff what's wrong with them

AND RAPHAEL'S WEAPON REVEAL. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE GIGANTIC WEAPONRY. IT'S MY FAVORITE THING EVER WHEN WEAPONS OF CHOICE ARE ABSURDLY HUGE AND THIS REALLY REALLY WINS THAT. ALSO I AM TERRIFIED FOR THEM BECAUSE OH MY GOD THIS LOOKS SCARY but also it having a very normal Office Product Name is HILARIOUS LOL yes the multipurpose business hammer. for business. it's big but don't worry about it .

we also have a date for when the great war in the mythical age occurred! i haven't quite started a whole Lorasia Timeline thing yet but thisll be useful for future reference i think

plus plus, the way the jewel of truth tells the truth,,, is by bypassing the heavenly realms rules and accessing something beyond that. it could be related to the system that lloyd is using? or when javier became a grandmaster how his mana changed to something beyond the laws of causality , or whatever that was. might be related!!!

THE PRAYER GAG WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO MADE MY HEART ACHE BECAUSE- LIKE OKAY THE "also i want to live life selfishly and freely in retirement" IS SO REAL OF HIM BUT ALSO

i really truly believe that this second panel is how he really truly feels. living like a bum aside, lloyd has always put others first, he's always protected other people before himself. lloyd also tends to always try and take things into his own hands, taking the reins and pulling things into his control, so that he can achieve this unknowingly noble goal of protecting those close to him.

it makes the fact that the moment he heard about making a prayer he does it IMMEDIATELY, so so so heartache to me; maybe i'm overanalyzing/overthinking these things, but as someone who doesn't quite believe in higher power and also as someone with a lot of easily-hurtable pride:

do you realize what it takes to fall to your knees, to beg and to pray to be heard, to be at the mercy of someone else, for something you want?

that HURTS a LOT. seeing lloyd immediately bow his head and pray like this. he's desperate not to lose it all - he can't, not when the goal is so close - and fighting the angel really isnt smth they should do at all bc people would get hurt. and so he's on his knees for someone else to grant that privilege of building this jewel of truth... it could be my perspective / feelings influencing how i perceive this ofc, maybe it's really not that deep, but it Hurt me and i felt the need to explain why LMFAO

anyway, me inflicting psychic damage on myself aside, JAVIER VS RAPHAEL!!! THEIR WHOLE FIGHT IS SO SO COOL AND JAVIER LOOKS FUCKING INSANE /POS

the sheer power of their collisions/parrying sending REVERBERATIONS LIKE THAT is so fucking CRAZY javier has grown so so strong and the fact that he's sparring w an ANGEL is so fucking COOL GOD THIS IS SO COOL

AND THE CLOSEUPS ON JAVIERS FACE TOO THEY MAKE ME INSANE LIKE WHAT THE SHIT HE'S SO FUCKING COOL

LIKE NO FUCKING WONDER HE WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF TKOBAI HE LOOKS AND ACTS THE PART SO SO WELL HE'S SO MAIN CHARACTER SHAKES HIM AROUND HE'S SO COOL

poor lloyd tho the sounds of the fight fucking him up bc of the swordmaster syndrome RIP though it does look like he's handling it better than before!

there's still a lot of push and blur bc of the overwhelming sounds but it feels less chaotic and messy than the panels from last ep, like it looks more controlled i think? like the lineart looks much more stable here, so it seems like the meditation/training helped!!!

ALSO ALSO SOLITAS YAYAYAYAYAYY ITS MY BOY MY FAVORITE SIDE CHAR the mid-transformation panels are so so cool!!! so many awesome things this week heehee

AND VERKIS YAYYY YAYAYAYAYY honestly yeah it tracks that the three biggest powers on lorasia fighting at all would just. fuck up the world good thing he stopped solitas,,, even if solitas doesnt know who he is HAHAHA LMFAOOO "... who are you?" HAHAHA

OH AND BACK TO THE FIGHT RAPHAEL'S HALO THAT'S SUCH A COOL MECHANIC

that's so cool that the halo can be used defensively like this!!! and it stands just fine after one of javier's strikes too that's so crazy

it makes a lot of design sense too w the way he's dressed, and also with the sheer SIZE of his weapon; you'd think that he'd have like, armor or something if he was going somewhere expecting a fight, but all he's wearing is a nice clean white suit. but that's cause the halo does all the defense work for him!!! and with the weapon too like, if you need to suddenly defend but you're in the middle of an attack and unable to shift your momentum, the halo's got you covered! it'd be hellish trying to stop your trajectory with the swing of a hammer THAT large, it looks like its made of straight up metal/steel, so when you swing you HAVE to follow through. u wouldn't be able to really defend with it

im just saying all the same stuff at this point but GOD THIS IS COOL AND CLEAN HALO MECHANICS I LIKE IT A LOT

the effects in general are just SOOOO awesome in this episode im really happy about that heehee, the artist rlly popped off!!

AND FINALLY,,, LLOYD PREPARES TO SING,,,

THE FUCKING DEMON SHAPE IN THE SHADOW BEHIND HIM OH MY GODDD HAHAHAAA

see like. i'm genuinely wondering whether or not this'll work or if it'll like, cancel out like PEMDAS, cause like raphael would be considered a holy creature, right? and lloyd's singing is considered demonic, and so those two powers are opposites, so would it be like neutralized overall?? like would raphael just lose his power, or maybe lose control of his halo, or would he actually take damage from his singing?

sorry that's really silly HAHA but i thought it'd be funny to think about, im really excited to see where this fight goes!!!! i really hope we get more cool moments this is so sick i'm so excited!!!!

okay okay thats it hehe see y'all next week (as in later this week lmfao)

[salvatwh0re]

Did you have an religious trauma or are toj religious like I know were god and stuff I’ve always believed there’s something beyond traditional religion at play but at the same time sometimes i think god is making fun of me or punishing me until I repent or something that’s why the law isn’t working but I know that’s not true it’s just my anxiety but still do u have any experience with that or advice. Sometimes I’ll for to church (by force) and the sermon is abt something I’m doubting like god is trying to speak with me or something and make me give up and repent

Omg yes! I grew up in a very religious christian/catholic hispanic family on my mom’s side. My dad’s side was a lot more open minded and spiritual, so i was a bit torn throughout my childhood. My mom would also force me to go to church because she didn’t want me to end up like my dad (with no true religion) and so that was always in the back of my mind because i didn’t want to disappoint my mom. Then i started questioning myself like do i really believe in god or do i just want to not disappoint my mom. Then i found out that god doesn’t like gay people and he sends them to hell or whatever and that made me really sad because at that time one of my favorite cousins had just came out and she’s such a good person always helping out the homeless and going in mission trips so i didn’t understand how someone who did such good things would end up in hell simply because they loved someone.

In the end I realized it wasn’t that I don’t believe in God, but that I didn’t like the way the religion worshipped him. It was very culty and contradictory. And although I still went to church with my mom (which i felt very guilty about), I could seem to be frustrated with myself I would always ask myself why i couldn’t just be normal and be religious. Then I found out about manifestation in 2019. And i had a grand realization that I’m in control of my destiny and it’s not already decided for me by some big angry man in the sky. And that the higher power is a part of me and not as demanding and vindictive as they make it seem in the bible. So i’m not an atheist lol, but I just don’t believe in the way christians perceive god/ the higher power.

When I started realizing that “I am god” I did have a moment where just felt lost like I was doing something wrong and I should be ashamed. It was difficult especially when i always had my mom in my ear preaching the gospel. I would definitely say it made it harder for me with the law of assumption/ the void state and shifting because I always had that doubt in my mind. Like what if my mom is right and i’m just going down the wrong path. But then I had way too many success stories of my own for it to be a coincidence. I felt a lot happier than I did when i was practicing christianity.

To answer you question, yes I do feel like that was holding me back, it was definitely a HUGE limiting belief that i didn’t even think about getting rid of. But i think the best way for you to get over that is to trust that there is a higher power and there is a god, but that instead of punishing you for discovering your own path, it will allow you to find your way with a little bit of guidance. So really i’m not saying that you need to completely abandon your religion to be able to manifest or tap into the void state, because that’s not it at all. There are so many people in very strict religions that have been able to manifest their dream life while still sticking to their religion. Manifestation and the void is not against any religion. It’s a natural human right and ability, we do it every day whether we’re conscious of it or not. For the problem wasn’t whether manifesting was against my religion or not, it was the fact that I was straying away from my religion and that the LOA community helped me realize how much my religion was holding me back.

If your concern is that it’s against your religion, trust god would not have given you the ability to do it if it were a sin. The void state is not some outside force, in fact if anything the void state would help you rid you of your sin because in that state you’re free of all intrusive, negative, and limiting thoughts. Creating your own path is nothing to repent for.

[loversj0y]

ITS ME ITS ME IM GLONK

I HAVE ANOTHER SIREN IDEA

So: i was learning about art forgery earlier this year, and my professor was mentioning how because of the elitism in the art world, some artists are forced to turn to forgery because no one will pay large amounts of money for art that doesn't have a famous name/history attached to it. SO they'll copy other people's artstyles and say they found this "Leonardo Da Vinci" work in some abandoned attic somewhere and sell it (now obviously because DaVinvi is so famous, it would be pretty hard to sell that lie, but you know what I mean. maybe a buttersworth painting. idk).

...And you can launder money with art forgeries: somebody could buy a forgery with money achieved through nefarious means (dirty money), then resell it for the same (or a higher) price. Now they have the same amount/more money, but it was achieved through legitimate means so its harder to track down/make a case against it in court.

Anyway: The Syndicate catches some broke ass college student on their territory, but they are a damn quick thinker and say that they have connections in crime to spare themselves. The student tells them that they have contact with this guy Anonymous, who provides art forgeries that the Syndicate can then sell and keep their money trail clean (especially useful, when in their civilian disguise. all that money is suspicious...). What the student ISN'T telling them is that they aren't just the middleman for Anonymous' works, they ARE Anonymous (because, if the Syndicate got sick of them and knew that there was only just one person involved in the business, they could just kill that one person. But if they think there's multiple, they'd have to keep the student alive to get to Anonymous).

Maybe Siren finds out that its the student who is doing the paintings, and they bond over their artistic interests; him being a musician, them being a painter.

Or, ALTERNATE SCENARIO: There IS a mafia that the Syndicate is dealing with, and the mafia agrees to set them up with one of their greatest contributors. Obviously Siren is sent to talk with this mysterious associate-- since he's very persuasive-- and instead of finding some shady, powerful crimelord, he finds a worn out, paint-splattered college student wearing J O R T S in a shitty apartment. they don't even react when they see him they're just used to it at this point.

i might un-anonymize myself soon idk

GLONK YOUR BRAIN IS HUGE OH MY GOD

firstly, always feel free to spam my inbox with ideas, they make me happy to see and i love coming home or having a minute to read through them and reading it like the daily paper, it’s my favorite part of the day

secondly!!!!! AHHHH okay the whole thing abt hiding the fact that this broke college student is actually like an amazing art dealer and like potentially dangerous is so juicy. like

student: “yeah, Anonymous is crazy. they once stabbed someone and used their blood to sign a painting because it was the only color they could get to match a specific red tone that Van Gogh used” knowing damn well it was actually their own blood because they cut their finger opening up a box of new paints, causing the red to splatter on the floor

siren: “wow… this Anonymous person must be dangerous. how are you so calm around them? not to sound rude… but you dont strike me as the fighting type”

student: *think fast think fast, i cant let them know i make most of the forgeries or that i am Anonymous* “we’re lovers”

siren: “what.”

i feel like techno would be the first one to figure it out, and wilbur would be dead last. techno knew the minute he met you but just kept quiet about it, phil realized when he monitored your activity for a day and noticed how you’d be mimicking famous artists, tommy realized because student told him, and wilbur didn’t believe it for a second until he literally showed up to a meeting Anonymous had set up, watched as they tried to kidnap them, resulting in their mask being knocked off and siren was like OH FUCKIN SHIT OH NO

but i also love the second alternate part bc siren’s heard all these stories about anonymous’s ability to replicate artists exactly and how skilled they are, and then student opens the door and is just like “okay. siren is here. totally normal.”

siren’s like “i need you to do something for me”

student just scoffs “yeah? you’re going to have to wait, i have to finish a painting for my niece. she asked me to paint her favorite barbie doll” fully serious and siren is just like ??????? and considers using his voice but is just curious and wants to watch you work so just sits back and watches.

also LOVE the concept of the anteater paintings. wilbur is just staring around in anger and annoyance and student is just there, grinning evilly and watching bc they know he wont say anything about it so it’s funny.

[rhythmic-idealist]

sorry to be in my honey nut feelios abt jjk without even bothering to catch up on the manga yet, but

and this is for my toge inumaki brethren out there. i just.

at what point do you think this boy started thinking oh damn, maybe i do survive to adulthood

I can pinpoint a point in manga canon where I think he would've actually thought this out loud, but I just realized that this OP can be a relatively manga spoilers free post, so I'm going to go ahead and exclude it. Toge and Yuuta had a conversation that Yuuta concluded by saying "thanks, that'll come in handy" & I think the events of that chapter would be ones that Toge would think this about.

Anyway:

When Yuuta was sent away to Africa I'm sure Toge had all kinds of feelings about that but I have to wonder if one of them was okay. Okay. I can never necessarily hope he's coming back ...I didn't WANT to tangle my feelings about my survival with that, but I have

Like, I don't think Toge has ever approached people via how powerful they are, I think that puts a very bad taste in his mouth. But still, in both his relationships with Gojo and with Yuuta, he's obviously got to be Aware. Which makes me feel all kinds of ways about his relationship with Satoru Gojo (enough breathing room to live. to make friends. Toge Inumaki is one of Satoru's biggest success stories when it comes to Trying To Be A Shield Behind Which Children Can Be Children)

But he knows whether he's equipped to defend himself if the higher ups change their mind on him, and even after Gojo's in his life, the answer is still no

Yuuta rolls into Toge's life as many things, but particularly as someone who's gonna fight for him, next to him.

That's what I think is happening in the mall scene, you know? I think the movie betrays a very real sense of I'm Not Going To Look For Anyone To Save Me.

Yuuta is that for both Toge and Maki, you know? Like, Maki doesn't wind up taking him up on it, but they both have a moment with him where Yuuta is like hey I'd like to throw myself fully behind you (Toge) / your goals (Maki).

And obviously like. like as I said, Toge is already under what protection Satoru Gojo has to offer, but also, I mean, Yuuji dies while under that protection. Satoru is intentionally distant and frankly intentionally offputting in a lot of ways

and Satoru is spread THIN, Satoru is working on a vision for everyone, so. yeah, Toge could land anywhere within that vision, and I think he knows that.

anyway Satoru is spread THIN trying to do something for EVERYONE...

Meanwhile Yuuta rolls up and decides okay, I am in this for Maki and Toge and Panda.

....and. that. might just be okay. that might just be something.

And Toge lets it creep in slow, it keeps surprising him. hope is a dangerous thing because Toge doesn't like crashing, Toge happens to like being happy, and he's figured out how to be pretty okay, within a young expiration date.

(I tend to assume there are ugly politics hanging over Toge's head and he knows. I tend to headcanon that both Toge and the higher ups know that the second they start becoming too afraid of him, they can send him into some fight a little too big for him. He's under Satoru Gojo's protection but Yuuji died under that protection. It's not quite the same arrangement as Yuuji's delayed execution once-he-becomes-a-threat, but only because it's not an execution stated out loud. It's politics. Quiet. He knows he's toeing a line and, as he becomes stronger and improves his technique, probably on a timer.)

(And Toge's relationship with that isn't obedient acceptance, it isn't dying willingly and quietly. But it is that he isn't strong enough to fight that once it comes knocking. And No One Is Going To Fight For Me, not fight for me and win.)

But it is creeping in, his awareness that Yuuta is in it beside him - that if one day there is a fight too big for Toge, he just has to turn to one side and ask.

It would be an overstatement to say he starts planning to live longer but. he's only human. feelings sneak in. and then they send Yuuta overseas.

and I think Toge very quickly goes ok I can't assume he's actually coming back

and I have to imagine Toge gets kind of weird about it around the other two as he figures out how to try to have the feelings he is supposed to be having (I miss my friend) and privately, privately deal with the other feelings he is having (crashing hopelessness at my circumstances, at how I need to just go "never mind never mind never mind" over something I had a goddamn right to hope for)

[sillygoofyqueer]

Ideas have been spinning around in my brain for awhile now and you can disregard all of this if you want but I have WAYYYY too many characters with excessively detailed backstories and your little character has been sparking ideas for me. So! I have lore ideas and here they are (these ideas may/may not overlap a little with my own stories but not enough that you can’t do what you want):

I was thinking your oc (the wispy one with the colors n stuff) came to be as a result of the remains of dead gods. Morbid, but it happened a little like a star forming from the dust of other stars. So over time all these remains out in the universe just started coming together and suddenly there’s a whole being! And obviously this being has no idea about anything. It kinda just… is. For a long while at that. It kinda just floats through space while sightseeing the galaxy.

It quickly learns it’s pretty much indestructible but at the same time getting caught in a star’s gravity hurts so not gonna do that again if it can avoid it. It also learns that it can do some pretty weird stuff (not that it knows it’s weird yet) like adjust certain things like light and energy. It can change shape at will too. It’s not all powerful and does need rest after some of these things but for a while it toys with things.

Eventually they fall to a planet. A planet with life. A planet with… other conscious beings apparently! (What we know is earth!) It’s curious but also nervous. So it watches. Mimics other life forms. Learns. It figures out how to read and write and talk both from osmosis and from seeing elders teach younger. This is not limited to humanity either. Anything from certain animals to insects and to an extent, plants!

Once they start feeling confident enough, they try blending in either human society. This… admittedly doesn’t go well. It is clear that they look too different to properly fit in and people tend to either stare or scream.

One thing leads to another and they accidentally get in trouble with what is essentially the supernatural police. After many, MANY long hours things get sorted out and they get brought to some higher tier gods to get informed about… well, everything. It is upon meeting the other gods that they realize, they don’t have a name. So they make one up on the spot. Four.

They end up trial and erroring a lot of things over time (under a lot of supervision) and find they have an inclination towards writing and reading. To discuss with other people and have fun. They also learn that they can suck the dye out of shit and annoy people with that fact. It is very fun and the dye tastes yummy so… (the ability is mostly because they’re made up of the remains of dead gods and that’s what large parts of the universe is made of. Thus, if they focus, they can adjust or even take in that energy for themself)

Once Four really starts understanding how society and stuff functions they try again to fit in with society. And it works! Sure, they have to give the excuse of “cosplay” when their disguise fails a little too hard but whatever. So sometimes they just go to the human realm to mess with people and hang out. For the most part tho, they hang around the heavenly realms and fantasy worlds and send out stories/fanfics using their phone no matter where they are.

(Have I written too much? Absolutely. I hope you enjoyed my oc brainrot tho. Because my brain has not shut up since I started drawing)

(Also amazing job on losing hope, I will be screaming abt it in ur inbox soon, it’s just I’ve felt a little like death warmed over lately)

Sorry, I didn't want this to leave my inbox because then I could look at it constantly and giggle and kick my feet every time I thought of it, like a selfish little monster teehee. I can't believe you like my little sona so much!!! This is all canon to my little character now, you created a whole backstory for them and it makes me sob every time I think about it, you're a sweet little MONSTER, GOD- I am sobbing. Violently. How are you feeling? Are you feeling a little better? Because that's so relatable that's how I'm feeling right now, teehee

[pixl4ted]

IM PROBABLY NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO DECIDED TSPUD AND GENLOSS WOULD BE NICE TOGETHER mostly becuase god i love adding two of my hypfixes together its the best thing everas you saw with the akito parable doodle (why is that getting so much ATTENTION IT WAS A 1 HR DOODLE PLEASE) BUT HERE IS MY THOUGHT PROCESS SO FAR. its 3am i didnt think TOO much into it but like.. likeeee......... this si what i have down. things are most definitely subject to change dont interpret this as a promise

im not sure if there are other genloss x tspud aus out there if so i am happy to credit for having the og idea and if possible talk about the ideas of how showfall parable lore would work becuase GOD my creativity has limits. it has limits guys

[ keep reading for a spiral of me rambling on abt this + initial doodles! ]

im dragging the whole bucket lore bit into this. i also want to note charles is there for narrator’s ep2/ep3 name because i realized it would be perfect for the whole thing of charlie being credited as slimecicle/patient charlie/charlie, but that meant he needed an actual name instead of narrator, resulting in narrator/(???) charles/charles. and i chose a name ive heard a few times be used for them i didnt want to put my whole life savings worth of thought energy at this late into it

next up i acutally had no fucking idea what hetch/founder/puzzler was going to be and i ended up on those. puzzler goes to curator becuase, although museum ending did imply that curator is on a higher power compared to narrator, her being the founder and narrator being part of the cast is kindof a huge shift imo??? i think the contrast of curator being puzzler and narrator being cast does show the whole power deal but not a HUGE amount

i dont really have a good ramble explanation for hetch being gambhorra’ta and i dont feel like playing the bucket endings right now i will tomorrow though, this is just thinking.. i did think of gambhorra’ta being puzzler becuase yk. frank being bucket. it would be funny guys please i watched the same comedy video as narrator i know my shit !!!

the boss being the founder just makes things easier for me becuase i wont have to draw that for a litlte seeing as the founder never popped up in the main 3 episodes hashtag work smarter not harder

VINNY HAVING FERN WAS KINDOF A JOKE BUT I AM WILLING TO DESIGN A HUMAN CHARACTER FOR FERN IF NEEDED I WAS RUNNING OUT OF OPTIONS

overall this is a very rough draft people can and probably will be switched around for different roles the more i think into this, i have ideas for lore aswell but this is getting suuuper long. here are some very quick doodles i made on whiteboard when i first had the thought!! 

[ultfreakme]

How do you think Junpei attending Jujutsu Tech would go? I'm always thinking about this, would he fit in easily? Would he still struggle to open up? Would the other students accept him? I think he'd still have a hard time, but Yuuji would be there to help him (and he'd be there to help Yuuji). I'd love to hear your thoughts abt this!

Hi!! Thank you for the ask!! I agree that I think Junpei would have a hard time, but Yuuji can make the experience a lot more tolerable. A major issue that Yuuji didn't consider but I've seen a few fics tackle is that Junpei was a curse user working with a special grade curse. He severely hurt a non-sorcerer and attacked a school. The higher-ups in Jujutsu Society will not be taking that lightly. Worse, Yuuji of all people was the first person to find him and would likely recommend and defend him.

It....does not paint a pretty picture. On top of that, Junpei's abilities emerged in a highly unconventional way. Junpei is an anomaly that they'd have no idea how to deal with.

If the higher-ups decide they're going to let Junpei live, they're still going to punish him and keep him on a very tight leash. I think Gojo, Shoko and Nanami would figure out immediately that Junpei was just extremely misguided and vulnerable to manipulation, so they'd protect him the best they can(hc that all 3 of them see Junpei and get reminded of a certain other dark-haired curse user who was their classmate with notable bangs and a conflicting relationship with the concept of humanity).

But the students....I don't think they'd be very understanding. Megumi took a shine to Nobara and Yuuji because they are demonstrably, unquestionably good people with strong convictions that they adhere to no matter what others say. He doesn't seem to like people who beat around the bush, faking things, and are indecisive, and Junpei's on really shaky grounds in terms of morality and would be just building up his convictions when he joins Jujutsu Tech. Nobara is extremely selective of the people she lets in and is hard to approach because she tells her judgements and opinions to your face. They're gonna take time to warm up to him.

I think they'd like him the moment he finds the courage to talk back to them, even if it's a horrible insult. Like when the bullies were pushing him to the ground and he gave it to them straight. Junpei's not...the nicest person, and I like that about him! I think Junpei would try to live up to Yuuji and act like him but the first-years would like him better when he's being more open and going on 15 mildly villainous rants about the human heart (I think they'd get to that after a few weeks of being in each other's presence, involving at least 3 tearful breakdowns and two almost-fistfights and shikigami-showdowns lmao).

The TEACHERS thoooo.... So I was reading this fic called A Soul's Shape and it made me realize the Jujutsu Tech teaching system and Gojo especially are Junpei's nightmares times 100(actually I think the Jujutsu Tech school system highlights the worst of a capitalistic, individualistic society's problems but if I start on that I won't shut up).

Junpei's issue was that the teachers and higher-ups in his school saw what was happening to him and did nothing. Jujutsu Tech is notorious for this issue, they literally send their students to their deaths and there's nothing anyone can do about it. It's the cause of Geto's spiral, Nanami leaving, Gojo becoming a teacher. So putting him in a place that could care less if he dies with a teacher who is THE STRONGEST PERSON ON THE PLANET(who has limited decision-making power within the system) is like-- nightmare fuel. Also:

Gojo like, a day ago:

He pulls this shit with Junpei and Junpei's going to never leave his room (omg he can bond with Megumi over this???).

It is up to Gojo, Shoko and Nanami to show that as teachers/mentors, they're not going to be like Junpei's former teachers. I trust Nanami to demonstrate that, but I am not sure if Gojo has the ability to show that to Junpei fast enough. I hope he does tbh because if Gojo demonstrates that he's a reliable adult, I think Junpei's experience would get a lot better.

(Mid typing this, I got an idea to make Junpei and Shoko the close-knit relationship because she occasionally reminds him of Nagi and poisons based on dosages can also be medicinal and help cure things so hey what if Junpei learns RCT with her?)

Thanks again for the ask I'm always down to talk about Junpei!!

[lokadottr]

okay but torvi is the definition of that quote from twp ‘If you are not shocked by what you will do for your children, if you are not appalled by how far you will go for those they dragged out of you while you screamed, then you are not a woman worthy of the name.’ like girl would legit do anything for her children and is disgusted by people who are not the same

[kimikiui]

Why You Should Vote for Hakupo

Hello. Good evening, morning, afternoon, brunch, sleepytime whatever time it is for you right now. I am here to sell my little autism creature to you. This is going to be a fairly long post so, just sit tight.

The second round of polls will not be out for a couple of hours. I wanted to reblog the post with this, BUT- I have class at 3 when the polls are released. Plus, gotta get those non Hakupo believers before they vote for anyone else, amirite?

Also the stickers used between catagories are the official line stickers by Pikomaru ➜ https://store.line.me/stickershop/product/3951590/en

Reminder; It's only Shinji sweep until its Hakupo sweep.

No, I'm not putting a section breaker because even if you don't read it, I want you to see the sheer size of this... It's an essay at this point. Let's get started shall we?

What is a Hakupo?

Hakupo Tsukishiro is a energetic and powerful masculine voicebank for Utau (and amadeusy but we dont talk abt brunnnoooo). He was released all the way back in 2010 and has had many important milestones in his 13 years of distribution. Four compilation albums, 7 voicebanks, 2,500+ fanarts (that i all have), and uses by really awesome people *points to the crowd*. That's all of you guys out there. <3

Hakupo as a character is inspired by moe, thanks Clarice. Like most moe characters, he's a bit air headed and happy go lucky person. His positive attitude is sometimes brought into original songs he's featured in, which just makes me smile- girlbosses love a good pick me up song.

Also he has a stupid little coat and pants. This is all you need to know to vote for Hakupo, but I will continue forward incase you are still on the fence.

Cool Hakupo Facts

He almost has the same exact suggested range as Miku (C3 to E5)... His is actually larger... he goes higher (C3 to G5).

The "Do Re Mi FâåÁaæ↓" incident of Christmas 2020, contact me I will elaborate further.

There is a little bit of an evil twin thing going on. Yeah. This is a win.

His genderbend design Kohaku is revealed when you turn down the brightness of his official reference sheet (he pulled a scott cawthon guys).

He hates to be called cute and have his head patted... which is cute.

Despite looks- His description says he has curly hair come on guys- LITTLE FLUFF.

By looking at his official Twitter bot, there's a few extra things we can learn about him. He is very stupid, very impatient, has a horrible sleep schedule, bad at multitasking, and can't stand still (I can elaborate more on these if asked).

I wrote a 43 page Utau cartoon pilot script with Hakupo as the main character. Shameless plug.

I also wrote my college admissions essay about Hakupo. Thanks for getting me into college Bobo!

Sick Bobo Uses

Get boboed.

What does Bobo mean to me?

I found Hakupo 7 years ago now, sitting in the middle of an Utau melody. I told myself I would just turn off my tablet and listen to the music. Yeah that worked- guess who was next after the screen turned off. BOBO! I needed to see the little creature creating this melody. I turned on the screen, and was not disappointed. Fancy twink in a oversized tailcoat with weird pants. I remember rambling to my mom later about how cool he was, why he was so unique, and why this one specifically caught my attention.

He's been my special interest since then, everyone around me knows Hakupo wheather they like it or not. He's about 80% of everything I draw, 50% of what I talk about, and 100% of my little creature I snuggle up with every night.

Literally.

I have a Hakupo bodypillow. Can't sleep without him.

Anyways, he's helped me find a lot of my best friends *coughcoughmeatcoughrevcough*, never fails to make me happy, and helped everyone around me realize I'm extremely autistic. The least I can do is write an ungodly long propaganda post while drinking my coffee at 9 am.

Stan Bobo Oobieero.

Hakupo Memes for Propaganda

GO VOTE FOR HAKUPO ON @utaupoll AT 3 PM EST

Thanks, have a nice day.

[actual-bill-potts]

interestingly a lot of the headcanons I’ve had abt the silm since I first got into it seem to go against the grain of the majority of (at least tumblr) fandom:

- I don’t think finrod fucked in beleriand. I am aware that is nearly his whole characterization in at least 50% of this fandom lol. But I view him as more of like. an enthusiastic scientist type who is so genuinely interested in everything that you can’t help but fall in love with him, while also just. not being very into sex. He tried it once or twice and was like "not for me" (despite this I will read fics with just abt any finrod pairing, it’s just not how I picture him exactly)

(TW: brief mention of sexual assault below the cut)

- on the same note, I don’t think finrod got back with amarië. First because once someone you love has chosen something else over you, it’s so hard to trust them again. It’s different when it’s mutual duty (like fingon and Maedhros) but when someone has sent a clear message that they will give up your relationship for [their family’s approval/their friends’ approval/the promise of beleriand], why would you risk your heart like that again? (I have firsthand experience with this, as a guy I was dating chose a job 2000 mi away from where I lived despite having options closer to home. We did long distance for awhile but tbh I never really forgave him. Maybe that’s my own neuroses talking but that shit is really hard.) and ALSO because finrod is a completely different person when he comes back to aman. Maybe he’d just slot right back into everything like he never left, but I doubt it man. I think finrod and amarië probably end up on good terms in the Second Age and beyond cuz they’re both the chillest of people, but I don’t think they want to touch dating the other again with a ten foot pole.

- I don’t read maglor and Maedhros being particularly close until the end when all they have left is each other. The personalities and interests that come through the text are so disparate that they were probably cordial (and obviously trusted each other quite a bit) but never really got to know each other that well till after the dagor bragolach at least.

- Caranthir imo was the epitome of Just Some Guy, and he never had a Craft™️. Also, he and haleth were very cordial friends with benefits which didn’t go beyond that.

- I think celegorm and finrod were much closer than curufin and finrod, which is why celegorm reacts with as much rage as he does in nargothrond. My evidence: finrod wanders all around beleriand, and he’s specifically mentioned going hunting with maglor and Maedhros. His kingdom is beautifully built but that’s cuz he’s so good at making friends, not bc he’s so Crafty. I think curufin probably always held finrod at arms length out of loyalty to his father, and finrod never pushed. Otoh celegorm I think cared a lot less about the politics, and he and finrod shared several key interests (hunting, nature, leadership—both finrod and Celegorm are ambitious, though perhaps for different reasons). So I could see them as being friends in Aman and becoming close in nargothrond.

- I think Aredhel and Eöl loved each other a lot and had a pretty good marriage until Maeglin got older and they realized they had fundamentally different parenting philosophies. The text says that Aredhel "was not wholly unwilling" which is certainly damning with faint praise, but it was also written by a survivor of the Fall of Gondolin, who wouldn’t have thought highly of her husband and son. My reasoning is: 1) canonically, sexual assault often results in Elves fading, unless they are prevented by some higher power. Could Eöl have taken Aredhel by force and then prevented her from dying? I mean, maybe, I guess, but then why did he just let her wander off however many years later? It’s unlikely. 2) elves cannot have unwanted children. Elf children require their fëa to be nourished by both parents, or they die. If Aredhel had not wanted Maeglin, Maeglin would not have been born. Personally, I think they fell madly, passionately in love, had a kid too soon, and then discovered that Eöl was not good at being a father and that Aredhel did not agree with his isolationist policies. Happens all the time, minus the secret Noldor cities and poisoned spear-throwing.

- I think Galadriel originally married Celeborn for politics, and only came to love him later. I realize that for an Elf this is literally the worst decision you can ever make, but Galadriel really wanted a throne, and also was pretty focused on keeping noldor-sindar ties strong. That’s why they didn’t have a child until the Second Age, despite the centuries of peace they were married. I think it was definitely a mutual political thing, and they were both extremely ambitious people who were extremely satisfied to finally be rulers in the Second Age.

- I think finrod knew lúthien quite well due to his visits to doriath (I haven’t done the math but I think he is mentioned as hanging out with thingol more than anyone else in the silm) and that his decision to go with beren was at least partly driven by that.

- I think Lúthien’s song in Mandos is what allowed Finrod such an early release, and that he probably spent a great deal of time in Lórien after. I also think Lúthien’s song convinced Námo to grant Aegnor mortality and follow Andreth. So the line of Arafinwë never saw Aegnor again.

- Relatedly, I think that Mandos is not a place of healing necessarily. It certainly can be, but the gardens of Lórellin are specifically described as being places of rest and healing. Mandos is just…a place where souls sit. Námo keeps them there for some appointed time (who knows how that’s decided) and then lets them go to Lórellin so the healing can begin. He is not the healing Vala. There’s a whole ass other Vala whose whole job that is.

Curious to hear others’ against-the-grain headcanons if you’re willing to share! It’s cool to see how different people interpret the book

[crellanstein]

Something interesting I just thought of…

It’s sort of established that Jynx has a natural insight into mechanics & engineering & science & whatnot after the timeskip, I think Viktor calls her work something like “crude…but ingenious”…

…And these clips show her using this insight while reviewing Jace’s notes about Hex tech; trying to discern how it works and how she can utilize it.

What if “realm of the heebie-jeebies” isn’t as much of a joke as it’s implied to be?

It’s only ever vaguely explained how Hex tech utilizes magic, mostly they talk abt using the runes to produce specific effects, but they never really tell us where magic gets it’s energy/power from. Only focusing on what the magic can do and less about where it comes from. Surely they have theories, Jace & Viktor, it’s possible they focused solely on all the innovations they could create and didn’t stop to think about it, but unlikely.

Heimerdinger’s reluctance to think about magic and it’s source is understandable. Down that road there inevitably be monsters from his perspective.

I would guess that Jace & Viktor have some vague theory about the runes allowing them access to some ambiguous store of magical power, but Heimerdinger’s warnings about the roots of magic being akin to the root of evil kept them from exploring further.

What if Jynx saw something they didn’t in that… She reads the small portion of the notes dedicated to the theory and wonders what that source can be? Her character revolves in a lot of ways around her ability to see into the darkness and realize the exact action necessary for her to get what she wants.

That insight tells her the source of magic, with what vague history she knows about when it nearly destroyed the world, must be something chaotic if not completely malignant in nature…

…as Jynx is wont to do she writes it off in a jokelike manner; to her that info is, at worst, a fun/interesting bonus to it all!

So where am I going with this?

“The Realm of Heebie-Jeebies” ? Another Dimension maybe? One populated with beings of immense and terrible power possibly? Beings most likely chaotic, vindictive, and calamitous?

I can’t help but link this to the nature of the Hex Core, and how it seems to have some level of consciousness and intent. How it slowly seems to be enslaving Viktor mentally more and more as he “fixes” more of his body with it—

—How it changed so drastically after it was given a human sacrifice…

In the show we’ve been shown 2 different sorcerers, the one that saved Jace & his mom, and the one Heimerdinger remembers in his flashbacks of the horrible destruction.

The one Heimerdinger sees possesses something very similar to the Hex Core. Something he calls “the Seed” and that it was the center of the destruction. And this Sorcerer does some terrible looking shit with it! That sorcerer probably lived centuries ago though…

…The one that saved Jace existed within 20-30 years of the events of the show. And his magic is displayed as more pure, well maintained/controlled, and used more benevelantly.

I think the magic comes from another dimension full of powerful demon-like beings, and these beings can reach out into the world via things like the Hex Core. They ensnare any Sorcerer who’s foolhardy enough to make a deal with them and through that conduit they attempt to ‘conquer’ this dimension, by turning it into another version of their own, only the could they truly cross over and exist fully in both.

And that is the true danger of magic, the fire they are playing with, a danger they’ll never notice because they are more concerned with the possible problems it can solve/create in their physical dimension.

And wouldn’t it be the damnest thing if a full inversion happened, and the shimmer variant the doctor is working so diligently towards is the serum that will strengthen humankind enough to handle higher level magic without the aid of the demon-beings?

"Here we go! It's all about these runes. They form some kind of math-y, magic-y gateway. To the realm of heebie-jeebies. And this… Turns it on. So… here goes."

[pallases]

this weekend has been a ROLLERCOASTER