#'you used to be so kind so compassionate'

[minarisplaything]

Loyalty

hanni x male reader (ft. background Danielle, Minji, and Haerin) word count: 3,335 a/n: back from the grave with a topical one-shot. newjeans never die... disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and does not represent any individuals, situations or real life. summary: After a shake-up at Ador the whole staff were let go. You were brought in as part of the new hires, specifically to be one of the managers for NewJeans. Weary from the last regime, the members want to make sure that they can trust you, inviting you to a private meeting to see where your loyalties lie.

The last thing you expected when you were hired by Ador to be part of the new management for the global sensation NewJeans was to be called in for a meeting by the members themselves. You had expected you'd introduce yourself at some point, after all, you'd be one of the core managers after the staff turnover, but what you hadn't expected was for it to feel so formal.  

You shifted in your seat, feeling slightly anxious as you waited for...whatever this was, to begin.  

"Oppa, you don't have to be nervous," Danielle said, her voice as sweet as her appearance. 

From the outside looking in, Danielle had always struck you as the sweetest of the bunch. The type of woman who would comfort anyone and brighten their day with kind words.  

"Yeah, we just want to make sure everyone is on the same page" Minji added, seated to Dani's left. Her voice was soft, but more firm than Danielle's. Where Dani offered you a sweet, reassuring smile, Minji looked far more serious in her expression. It was hard not to be nervous.  

"That's good to hear," you chuckled, trying to dispel the nerves. "When you four said you wanted to meet I was a little uneasy." 

To call it unusual was an understatement. Yet here you were, in a chair seated across from four of the five members: Danielle, Minji, Hanni, and Haerin. 

"It's been really hard to figure out who we can trust," Hanni chimed in. Her voice was sympathetic. As if she was finding the middle ground between the prior two. "With all this turnover, we just want to make sure the new staff has the right priorities."  

You swallowed thickly. Why did that feel like a threat?  

Your eyes turned towards Haerin, expecting her to chime in. But she merely continued to stay at you silently with her cat-like gaze. You shifted again in your seat slightly, trying to dismiss any feeling of discomfort and remain professional. You hadn't felt nearly this anxious during your initial interview for this position.     

"I-I see. Well, that is understandable. It's a big change after all," you said. "Whatever I can do to help ease any concerns you might have, I'll do it." 

"I knew you'd understand," Dani clasped her hands together, her smile beaming. 

Minji, however, seemed less convinced. "We'll see." 

Hanni folded her hands on the table that was situated between the four of them and you, her eyes compassionate. "The one thing we're most worried about is loyalty. The last staff was loyal to HYBE. We want to make sure that you are loyal to us. That you won't do anything to hurt us. That you'll listen to us." 

Her voice lowered an octave at the last part.  

"That sounds...reasonable."  

Honestly, it sounded complicated. You hadn't exactly signed up for being part of some corporate politics when you submitted your resume. But, you supposed you could understand where they were coming from. They had been hurt and wanted to make sure they could trust you. Fair enough. "How can I prove myself?" 

"Meow," Haerin spoke up.  

You blinked, confused. "Um, excuse me?"  

"She said she wants you to take off your pants," Minji provided.  

"My...pants...?" 

Had you heard her right? Surely you must have misheard. Yet you looked at each woman; the subtle glint in Minji's eyes, Hanni's lips curved in the hint of a smile, Dani's soft encouragement, and Haerin with her un-blinking feline gaze. There was no hint of this being a prank or a joke. They were serious. You felt your blood rush a bit quicker at that realization. 

“It’s just a little request. You said you'd prove yourself, right?” 

It was Dani's sweet voice that broke the tension. Her question leads you toward the answer she wanted to hear. 

You felt heat rising to your cheeks. This was insane. Unhinged even. And no doubt not covered under any HR guidelines. You could get up and walk out that door. You'd probably lose your job but at least you'd keep your clothes on. Then again, you'd also prove you weren't someone who could be trusted. And, quietly, the idea of standing before them with fewer clothes stirred something inside of you. 

Wordlessly you stood, your fingers moving to the button of your slacks as you undressed. It was hard not to feel a little self-conscious as you stripped down but you got on with it, eventually standing before them in just your boxers and shirt. 

You could feel their eyes devouring you.  

Hanni leaned over to Minji, whispering something in her ear. Dani continued to smile, while Haerin's expression remained unreadable. 

"Is this good enough?"  

"Meow." 

You looked over at Minji for a translation. 

"And your boxers." 

"What?"  

Your eyes widened. She was fucking with you, surely. You looked back to Haerin to see if that was a mistranslation. She, however, stared back at you, waiting for you to fulfill her request. Your cock twitched, another shiver running down your spine. 

"Not now, dammit," you muttered at your cock but to no avail. 

"Not now?" Hanni repeated, misunderstanding, "So, you don't want to work with us, oppa?" 

"No, that's not what I meant --"  

"I told you we couldn't trust him." 

"Guys, just give him a second!" 

You could only sit there as Minji, Danielle, and Hanni broke out into disagreement over your participation. Your gaze drifted towards the far end of the table where Haerin sat with her same stoic expression and feline gaze directed right at you. It was as if the chaos around her didn't matter, she was waiting for you to fulfill her request. It was hypnotizing and slowly you found your hands drifting towards the waistband of your boxers.

You swallowed thickly, hesitating for a moment. The bickering between the members was growing louder, but all of it seemed to fade into the background as Haerin's stoic gaze practically dared you to go just one step further. 

This is insane, you thought. There was no HR manual in existence that could prepare you for this situation. And yet, you felt a dangerous thrill coursing through your veins. You were here, in a room with four of the most influential idols in the industry, and they had made it clear: you were either with them or against them. 

"Oppa?" Dani's voice snapped you out of your trance. They had apparently caught on to your subtle movement and the discussion had briefly stalled. There was still a gentle sweetness to her voice but there was something else to her tone. Almost like a hopeful plea. 

Hanni leaned back in her chair, her expression shifting to one of disappointment. "I think Minji is right, he can't do it." 

You could feel the situation slipping through your fingers. If you didn’t act now, there’d be no recovery from this. You'd be out of a job and you'd have lost all their trust. For some reason, the latter felt more painful than the former. Without another word, you hooked your thumbs into the waistband and pushed your boxers down, stepping out of them with as much composure as you could muster. 

The room went silent. 

Dani's eyes flickered down, her mouth slightly agape in shock. Hanni let out a quiet giggle as she leaned forward onto her elbows, peering at your cock from over the table. Minji’s stoic facade cracked just a bit, a glint of approval in her eyes. But it was Haerin who captured your attention the most. Her gaze slowly roved over your exposed body, her expression unreadable. Then, she leaned back, finally breaking eye contact to glance at Minji. 

“Meow,” she said again, her voice low and even softer than before. 

“What’s she saying now?” you asked, your voice cracking slightly, betraying your nerves. 

Minji leaned forward with her elbows on the table, her chin resting on her intertwined fingers. “She says you’ve passed the first test.”

"I knew you could do it, oppa!" Danielle cheered clasping her hands together. 

“The...first test?” you repeated, your heart sinking as you realized what that implied. 

"Did you think this was it? You wanted to prove your loyalty, didn’t you?” 

You swallowed thickly, your eyes darting from Danielle's happy expression to Minji's business-like demeanor and Haerin's unreadable disposition. All the while Hanni's gaze seemed completely focused on your hard cock. 

"Alright," you nodded, steeling your nerves a bit. You had come this far, how much worse could it get? "If that's what it'll take. I'm ready for whatever you have to put me through."  

"Oh, can I do the next one? Please?"  

It was Hanni who spoke up with a newfound excitement, breaking from her trance.  

"We agreed it'd be Minji who handled it," Danielle whispered.  

"So?" 

Minji looked over at Hanni, one eyebrow raised, “Fine. Go ahead, Hanni. Just remember what we talked about.” 

Hanni's face lit up at being given the green light. She quickly pushed her chair back, practically bouncing on her feet as she made her way over to you. The rest of the members leaned back, watching her with varied expressions — Dani with her usual supportive smile, Minji with a calculating gaze, and Haerin, as always, unreadable, though you thought you detected a flicker of interest in her eyes. 

You tried to hold your ground, but it was hard not to feel a shiver of anticipation as Hanni stopped in front of you, her eyes sparkling with a mixture of mischief and something else you couldn’t quite place. The way she was looking at you made your skin tingle and your cock twitch. Despite the uncertainty of it all you still managed to be horny in the middle of it. It was a fact you tried to push aside lest your embarrassment get the best of you. 

“Oppa,” she said, her voice sing-song and dripping with excitement, “you said you’re ready for whatever we put you through, right?” 

You nodded, your throat dry. “That’s right.” 

Hanni’s smile widened, and she reached up, her fingers brushing along your jawline in a surprisingly gentle touch. She tilted her head, almost as if she were examining you. “You’re really cute when you’re nervous,” she teased, her voice a whisper meant only for you. 

She took a step back and, without breaking eye contact, dropped to her knees in front of you. Your breath hitched at the sight, the tingling anticipation intensifying tenfold. What was she planning? 

“I’ve got a little game for us to play,” Hanni continued, her fingers tracing down the side of your thigh. 

"A game?"  

"Mhmm." 

Dani giggled behind her hand, while Minji leaned forward slightly.  

Hanni leaned closer, her hands now resting on your hips. You could feel the warmth of her breath against your skin, and it took everything in you not to shiver. She looked up at you through her lashes, her sweet smile taking on a devilish edge. 

“You proved you can follow instructions already, but can you show self-restraint?" 

Your heart pounded in your chest as you nodded. “I -- yes. I can."  

“Let's find out,” she purred. Then, without breaking eye contact, she slowly dragged her nails down your thighs, the sensation sending a shiver through your entire body. “I want you to close your eyes and hold still. And no peeking!” 

You hesitated for a brief moment, but the way she was looking at you made it impossible to refuse. With a deep breath, you let your eyes flutter shut, trusting her completely, even though you knew you were stepping into uncharted territory. 

“Don’t move a muscle, oppa. Not unless I tell you to.” 

You opened your mouth to confirm that you understood her instruction when you felt Hanni's fingers wrap around your engorged cock. You hissed, breathing in sharply and resisting the urge to arch into her touch. Had she lost her mind?! Then again, as much as you might've wanted to morally grandstand at that moment, the thoughts were quickly washed away by her other hands beginning to fondle your balls.  

"You can do it!" Danielle said supportively. 

She's right, you thought. You just had to focus. A simple handjob was nothing you couldn't handle. Hell, with your eyes closed you could  just pretend it was no different than getting yourself off.  

Just when you were beginning to feel confident about your chances, you felt something soft press against the sensitive head of your cock followed by something warm and wet. No, not something. It was Hanni's lips and mouth enveloping your cock while her hand held your shaft steady. 

"Oh fuck..." 

You let out a moan, doing your best to remain still, your toes curling in on themselves as Hanni sunk lower and lower onto your cock until you were hitting the back of her throat and even then she continued. You resisted the urge to tangle your hands in her hair as her nose came flush against your groin, swallowing your cock whole and deep-throating you for a long moment. What you wouldn't give to be able to open your eyes and look down to see the sight kneeling in front of you. To see Hanni Pham with your cock buried down her throat as she looked up at you with those pretty eyes.  

"Go Pham Hanni!" Dani cheered on her group mate.  

After a second longer, Hanni began to slowly pull off your cock, letting out a slurping sound before finally coming off it with a pop.  

Unbeknownst to you she had a glazed-over look in her eyes, her gaze thick with lust.  

"So far so good..."  

She said, almost sounding distracted. You had a feeling she was enjoying this more than simply being a test but swallowed down the thought as you felt Hanni suck the tip into her mouth, her tongue grazing along the underside of your shaft. She licked down your shaft, taking your cock deeper into her mouth again as she started to move her head with short, quick bobs.  

She relaxed her throat, taking you deeper, faster, and all you could do was curl your fingers into your palms and force your eyes shut with considerable effort. The rest of the room was noticeably quiet outside of the sounds of Hanni mouth-fucking herself on your cock and the occasional encouragement from Dani. Whether they were enjoying the show or simply watching with studious gazes, you hadn't the slightest clue. What you did know was the thought of them watching as Hanni swallowed you down greedily again and again had you aching between her lips. 

Hanni came off your cock once more, her breathing ragged. "D-did he fail yet?" 

"Not yet."  

It was Minji who answered.  

"Good." 

Hanni gave a long lick over the thick vein on the underside of your cock, going from base to tip. You shivered but remained in place. Her tongue teased the slit at the tip of your cock, swirling around it before taking your length between her lips once again. Her hands braced herself against your thighs as she began bobbing her head in earnest.  

"It feels good doesn't it?" 

"You have no idea." 

"I can tell. I bet you want to grab her head and fuck her mouth, don't you? You want to thrust your cock between those pretty lips until you finish." 

You felt Hanni moan around your cock, sending reverberations along your shaft.  

Minji continued, her hands folded neatly with her elbows propped up. "This is why we need this test. Self-control is crucial. There will be people who try to sway you—bribery, favoritism, or worse. They might offer money, promise promotions, or even tempt you with something... a bit like what Hanni’s doing right now.” 

You felt Hanni's lips smile around your cock at that. 

"Meow." 

Danielle glanced at Haerin, then turned back to you with a reassuring smile. "Haerin's got a point. We just want to see if you can handle this. You get what we're asking, right, Manager-nim?" 

Some part of your brain was recognizing the importance behind their words. The logic behind. Unfortunately, whatever part of your brain wasn't overloaded with pleasure sensors as Hanni played with your balls while continuing to suck your cock was too busy doing your best not to blow your hot load right down the singer's throat.  

Your throat felt dry, and you're head was spinning. All you could do was nod quickly, forcing out the words, "Y-yes, I understand." 

All the while your entire body trembled as you stood there, eyes clamped shut, hands balled into fists at your sides. You felt your toes curling against the cold floor, desperately trying to ground yourself as you fought to maintain your composure as Hanni continued to suck your cock. It was almost too much, and you could feel yourself reaching the breaking point. 

“H-Hanni, please…” you managed to gasp out, your voice strained, but you bit your lip, trying to hold back a desperate plea. You knew better than to give in now. Not when you were this close. 

"Meow." 

Danielle's lips spread into a smile. "I think you're right, he's getting close. You've done so good holding back, manager-nim!"  

Dani's praise fell on deaf ears. Your mind was gone at that point, focused only on holding onto whatever shred of control you had left for as long as possible. Amidst the pleasure and internal struggle you were experiencing there was a shuffling of feet and then silence, only filled by the lewd sounds of Hanni's lips around your aching length. You waited, every nerve in your body on edge. Finally, Hanni pulled off your cock with a long slurp and a pop, her hand still stroking you as she spoke up.  

“Alright, oppa. You can open your eyes now.” 

You exhaled sharply, almost in relief, and slowly let your eyelids flutter open. The sight that greeted you made your breath hitch. 

Hanni was still there, her delicate fingers stroking your aching cock. Her lips were red and swollen with evidence of her efforts, a bit of saliva spilling at the side of her mouth. However, she was no longer alone. She was now joined by Danielle, Minji, and Haerin, all kneeling next to her on the floor, the four of them lined up in a row before you. It was a sight that felt like something out of a fever dream — four of the most sought-after idols in the world, on their knees before you, gazing up with expressions that ranged from sweet to stern. 

“Oppa, you did so well!” Danielle was the first to speak, her voice filled with genuine warmth and excitement. 

“You didn’t break. Even when we pushed you. You listened to us when it mattered the most,” Minji said.  

Her tone was even but there was a hint of approval in her soft eyes.  Haerin, as always, remained the most unreadable. But you took the fact that she was there kneeling next to the others as her approval. 

"T-thanks, ah, this would be a lot easier if..."   

"Oh!"  

As if remembering the obvious the four girls leaning in close, looking up at you as Hanni stroked your cock faster.  

"Manager-nim, you can cum right now." 

The sultry words left her lips and that was all it took. The pressure valve was released and your cock twitched in her grasp, painting the faces of all four members with your seed. From your balls to the tip of your cock you felt it washing over you. A feeling so intense that you nearly blacked out from the experience.  

As you regained your composure with deep breaths, you looked down at the sight before you. "Shit..." 

And what a sight it was. 

"Manager-nim, welcome to the family," Hanni said, wiping some of your cum off her face and licking it off her finger. "We'll be counting on you!" 

"Meow!" 

You could only chuckle, drained literally and metaphorically. "I look forward to working with you all." 

[transfaerinine]

I get where this is coming from but in practice it doesn't change anything. I'm not a detransitioner but I am someone who's forced to adopt a label I don't particularly identify with for community. I imagine detransitioner works the same way.

Say you socially transitioned as a teenager, maybe you took HRT for a little while and realized it wasn't for you so you stopped. After a while you wondered whether there were other people like you and now you're searching for common experiences online, what do you see?

Detransitioner.

Not only on right wing Republican news sites but also on Reddit and Tumblr and all kinds of spaces that facilitate community.

You also see trans people talking about their grievances with detransitioners.

Now don't get me wrong, there are very good reasons we do but what is that person supposed to do now?

They have the choice to experience community and adopt a label that has ties to fascism and conservative values and try their best not to be indoctrinated into it or they could denounce the label and avoid everything to do with it. Sure the latter may completely avoid the possibility of interacting with that side of the community but now who do they have to turn to?

Where do they see their experiences represented? There are no other terms popular enough to foster such a community. We as trans people should know better than anyone that representation and community matters so much it can be the difference between life and death. Why does community and acceptance only matter when it's us?

I think while it's important to talk about the political realities of certain things, sometimes that can ignore lived experience and I feel that that matters. Rather than formulate a theory about the people being talked about, why not talk to them yourself and figure out how they actually live their lives?

How can we call ourselves compassionate people if we can't extend the same sympathy we would want and have likely needed at some point in our lives to someone else?

"I identified as trans for a time but realized It probably didn't fit me" <- completely fine! Exploring your identity is absolutely okay!

"I am a detransitioner" <- you are using a specific identity with inexorable ties to fascist movements. You are functionally the same as calling somebody who experimented in college "ex-gay".

[selkiesongss]

listen. when it comes to which manifestation of magic would choose sam, i'll admit that seegenpelater is the obvious answer. i get it, i do! like lou mentioned in today's AP, it's literally persuasion magic, obviously that meshes well with sam's magical strengths

HOWEVER !!! i am a firm believer that at her core, sam is more aligned with miskoro (alteration) than seegenpelater

lengthy and incoherent rambling below the cut

as @/wanderingsoftly noted in an earlier post of theirs on this topic, sam's very first spell was transmuting lint into a sundae. i'd like to point out that when given the reality-warping powers of magic, she doesn't think to just poof a sundae into existence - her first thought is to use the lint from her pocket as some kind of equivalent(ish) exchange.

i see this mindset of 'work with what you've got' as a huge part of sam's character, since in her interactions with both the pilot program and the world, she always meets people where they're at. she consistently matches people's energies in a way that neither diminishes nor amplifies, but in a way that illuminates. i think the clearest manifestation of that is in her local charm effect- she doesn't try to be likeable, her presence is just so warm and kind that you can't help but be disarmed. you bare your soul to her, and she responds with a compassionate and tender understanding that opens up an entirely new world of possibilities.

sam sheds light on the ugly, harsh edges of a person and embraces them as they are- not to be romanticized but not to be neglected either. she's an amazing friend when life is good and a safe haven when life gets rough; she was there for jammer when he took on alexis the dragon's curse, for k after they accidentally killed evan, and for evan when he was still a shadow haunting a pair of shoes. there is no aspect of humanity that sam butler/black/britain is too afraid to hold, because no burden is too great to be shared.

with that being said, i'll try to get to my actual argument.

sam is undeniably magnetic, able to compel demons into releasing their grip on evan's soul, and i'm not going to dismiss that at all! sam's ability to influence the people around her is a fundamental part of her character, but i think it's important to draw a distinction between being magically persuasive and being naturally persuasive, as sam usually falls into the latter category.

as for why that distinction is important, it's a matter of intention.

the magic of seegenpelater is inherently subjective, taking perceived reality and molding it into illusory shapes at the whims of its user. on the other hand, the magic of miskoro is inherently objective; its alterations are exactly what they present themselves to be. as we've seen on weugan, sam is deeply opposed to projecting her desires onto others and seegenpelater is entirely antithetical to that. in contrast, miskoro represents the honest potential to change- which sam has always kindled in those around her- and i think that perfectly aligns with who she is at her core.

sam has been helping people out since day one. she provides the warmth and safety they need to grow past their fixed ideas about who they should be and into who they could be. she's been a sailor moon fangirl, a twitch streamer, a scuppers player, a television host, a celebrity, the world's greatest wizard, and only the qohlye knows who she'll be next!

sam butler/black/britain is a woman who treats surnames like haute couture, a wizard perpetually moving forward, unbridled by the threat of stagnation, and i am deeply obsessed with her. somebody please sedate me.

anyway save my girl from cannibal island PLEASE !!!! drop by purble place and get some dope ass alchemy powers instead :3

LET SAM COMMIT CRIMES AGAINST THE NATURAL SCIENCES '24

[eemamminy-art]

Rambling about 7.0 msq spoilers and ships ahead 🥴

Okay so. If you've talked to me at all about dawntrail spoilers privately you know this: I love Otis. I fucking LOVE Otis. Loyal knight who puts his charge above his own life? AND he's a robot? This hole was made for me etc. etc. (and to boot I loved the english VA's voice ever since I heard him as Thaliak in myths of the realm 👀) so when during the mock up play in "A Knight of Alexandria" the actress playing Sphene calls Otis "my dearest" and Lamaty'i repeats it to call attention to it, you know I was like "holy shit. I am never shutting up about this EVER. He gave his life up for her TWICE and even this simulacrum of him is still so torn up over her? Gutted, I'm so here for this hi hello"

However also.... Sphene and Lamaty'i are possibly the closest thing to a femslash ship ffxiv has ever given us other than maybe rynegaia or zershtola (or fordolyse in 4.1, the gayest patch ever and here's why I love stormblood in this essay I will--) I SEE the vision!! Even as I was crying about Otis I was like dude but the doomed yuri is right there. It's so tragic 👀 Never to be but also what if...? In another life....?

Basically:

and mostly I've been leaning toward Sphene/Otis, but gosh. Oh goodness me. I saw the rerecorded scene? You know, from the trial? Lamaty'i screaming her heart out while Sphene utters this quiet "Lamaty'i." I was like, tearing up genuinely. I'M TEARING UP THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN AAAAAAAA

I think Sphene is a really curious case for me. I'm typically not that into very feminine women and prefer androgynous or masc women, and also knowing it's not the "real" her I have been like, well. I don't need to get attached. But I'm such a romantic lol I keep thinking about who she was. And even though that's not the Sphene we meet, and Lamaty'i is well aware of that, I think she's fallen for the ghost of her too. She sees that the person who is long gone was so kind and compassionate, and sees mirrors of herself in her. She offers up her kindness and empathy to the endless Sphene, even knowing it's a recreation of her made out of data and raw energy. She's a good person like that 🥺

So now I find myself being like fuck, I really like both ships. 😫 I think if Otis had lived-- be it "living" as an endless or his real soul continuing to live in the mechanical body-- I think he would have accepted Sphene's love for Lamaty'i with open arms. He's just happy to see her happy, you know? 🥺 I'm sure Lamaty'i would accept him too, she already loves him for all that he did for Gulool Ja, I could imagine the four of them as a happy little family... if things weren't all doomed from the start 😭 ooouuuuggghhhhh

Anyway yeah I just wanted to get out my thoughts on this 👀 it's the main thing that's really gripped me by the throat in dawntrail!!

Well. Besides that elezen goldsmith from Ul'dah that we see all of three times 😂

[onedollopofsourcream]

NOTHING, NO help for days literally not a cent. PLEASE IGNORE the amount of notes as we still need help. The kids need food, If anyone can donate a dollar it helps, every single little bit is useful, it all adds up. I grew up in poverty had a shitty childhood due to fear of no water food or losing electricity or housing times when id never run or play at school or go out much during the summer cause I'd stink from having no deodorant which was very hard for me as a teen

Please keep d*nating especially for the kids wh should be spared all the humiliation, the shame of having been born, the guilt of having been born and being the catalyst of poverty. Please spare them, let them never worry over money and food.

Please I know I beg all the time, I know people are sick of me, but I also know that majority of you are so kind compassionate willing to help. Please if you all donate a dollar or 50 cent, I'd reach my goal by morning.

[arthurslesbian]

despite all morgana did, arthur never went on the offensive against her or ever tried to attack her :((

[cortex-rampage]

I find the way that BBC Merlin set up Merlin's powers in the first episode to be quite funny. I mean, we see this sort of lanky guy and it is established that he is Merlin and (according to our own common knowledge) therefore he is the most powerful warlock ever. Okay, cool. One might assume that he has come to Gaius to develop his powers, that maybe he's only in the beginning of his magical journey. But instead the exposition shows Merlin, in the pilot episode of this 5 series show, stop time and employ levitation to save someone's life with magic, and then it is announced that prince Arthur is essentially his soulmate, and their joint power will create the most glorious age Camelot has ever seen. Quite an exciting set-up. And then for the rest of the entire show this man who we know possesses TIME-ALTERING POWERS mostly uses them on-screen to do common chores and annoy and prank THAT SAME Arthur. Like that one post said, "All of it's destiny and all of it's his fault." :p

[lord-squiggletits]

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

[irukasenseii]

When he spotted the younger Kakashi try to peek at the book, he snapped it shut and set it back on the shelf. He honestly didn't know why the older man liked reading those trashy novels. Was it just to keep people from approaching him? Or did he actually like the story?

Shaking his head, he instead, moved to the table.

"I was on a mission with, well, you. I think I was eighteen?" He started explaining. "And I botched it. Got hurt. You let the Third scold you for it."

He glanced over at the boy before pouring himself some of the tea, prepared to turn away when Kakashi went to eat and drink. "Some of the enemy nin were younger than us and I hesitated. I'm not built for that kind of life. Too compassionate. I knew I would hesitate again but I didn't want to just....quit. So, teaching. I wanted to pass on the Will of Fire to the next generation. Teach them to protect themselves for a world of people who wouldn't hesitate."

Kakashi listened from the kitchen, as he busied himself by grabbing a teapot, putting the oolong tea on the basket, and pouring water over top. He took the pot, and two mugs, back to the main space on a tray.

Iruka had a book in his hand. It was one of the ones he hadn't recognized. He put the tray on the table and approached. He stared at him, unblinkingly, as if he was trying to judge his character. And well, he was. "Why did you become a teacher?"

He tried to peek at what the book said.

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

[fisherrprince]

oh so alisaie’s exaggerated bully behavior is 80% fanon. saying this she casually picks up a large rock

[imaginarianisms]

🖤 for misa about light ??

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends (eventually, over time) / my only friend. (eventually, over time)

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours; specify. || ALWAYS ACCEPTING || @prodigum.

[darkjusticiar]

Sorry I lovie "we never killed cazador so now astarion is on the run forever and begs you to kill him ending". Call me a sadist if u like. As if it is my fault

[mars-ipan]

everyone needs to be kind to every nurse forever actually

[maybebi47]

sometime i sit there and think, will anyone ever love this body of mine? will anyone touch this body of mine before it rots away? will anyone ever look at it with love? desire? and see what i do not see in it? will i never be this lucky?

[ilovefredjones]

today my friend told me about the theory that the reason fred doesn’t have a catch phrase is because he DOESNT GET SCARED????? AND THATS WHY HE ALWAYS SPLITS UP WITH DAPHNE AND VELMA????????? HOW AM I JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS??????????