#'what kind of man doesn't think falling in love will be an problem?' SOMEONE WHOSE AROACE IDK

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

tenth doctor being aroace is so important to me and i don't even know why. i love rose tyler so so much but i don't think the right end to her arc was 'kissing tentwo to show people they love each other' like YES THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. did rose want to kiss him, yeah sure i just don't think she wanted to be romantically involved with him yknow?? he'll love rose forever but that doesn't need to be romantic. like yes ten *gets kissed* a fair bit but idk. i just think he's aroace. and that's part of why i think he is so sad about river in the library episodes because he knows it's not *him* that she loves. that's why it's important that martha left him to be with her family and get married because she fancied him but she knew he 'didn't look at her' because he just... couldn't feel that. that's why it's so so so important about donna. that they both knew they were best friends. the ending of the giggle made me so so happy because he's living with donna because he loves her because they're friends. he didn't need to be *with* her to be part of her family or to love her completely.

[iamalasagnagirl]

PART 2 OF WLW BOOKS PLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, let's see, I'll start with two of my new fav books ever, both written by Debra Flores:

1. One Day You'll Leave Me

Karen is an ordinary woman living an ordinary life in the year 2010. Until the day she hears an unfamiliar song that moves her in a way she cannot understand or explain.

Judy Paige was also an ordinary young woman, who lived an ordinary life, up until the day she sang one of her songs at a show in the year 1964.

When Karen's curiosity about the song turns into an obsession about the woman who sang it, she's drawn to the town in which Judy Paige was born and raised.

It's there that Karen is approached by a man who asks Karen a simple question. "Would you like to meet her?" The question is simple, but the answer is not.

2. The Library by the River

It was an ordinary day in March of 1985, the day Beth walked in to a library and met Sarah, the woman that would change her life forever.

At a time when the AIDS epidemic was well underway, when society still labeled homosexuality as an illness, something to be hidden away, whispered about, but not talked about aloud, there were certainly obstacles in their way.

Even so, obstacles or not, Beth is twenty and Sarah is twenty-eight, they're young, and in love, they can handle whatever comes their way. Or so they think. The one thing they may not be able to overcome is Kim. Beth's jealous best friend. She doesn't see Sarah the way Beth does, far from it, she sees her as nothing more than a problem that needs to be taken care of. An impediment to the relationship she knows she and Beth are meant to have. Volatile and hot-headed, yes, but is Kim actually capable of tearing them apart? And at what cost?

Kiss of Seduction by Rawnie Sabor

Evie is trapped. Held captive by the vampiric Court of Night, she has experienced nothing but pain and terror for over a year.

Natalya is the second-in-command of the Chicago-based Court of Chains. She is among a succubus. A being of pure Sin, whose touch is agony and whose kiss is a death sentence.

This book is an emotionally charged, sapphic love story of healing through trauma, reclaiming yourself after tragedy, and trusting another to catch you when you fall.

Meet me in Berlin by Samantha L. Valentine

"If we lose each other, then we’ll come back to this spot, on this day, at this time, every year until we find each other."

But how do you find someone from the other side of the world when you only know their first name, and the only plan you made to reunite was to meet in a Berlin park in late August at 6 pm, eleven years ago?

The Ride of Her Life by Jennifer Dugan

Molly dreams of starting her own wedding planning company when she inherits a run-down, struggling horse barn, courtesy of her late aunt.

But maybe — if she can sell the land, the profits could be the small-business seed money miracle she’s been waiting for.

The real snag in her plan is Shani. Judgmental, grouchy Shani, who thinks she’s so morally superior because she hasn’t given up on the crumbling barn while Molly wants to “destroy” everything her aunt built; who’s really good with the horses, and always comes whenever Molly calls her in a panic; and is actually kind of thoughtful, and obnoxiously hot, and has Shani become an entirely different kind of problem? One Molly can’t possibly solve, no matter how much her heart wants to?

For Love or Scandal by J.J. Arias

Laney Menendez, a once-celebrated Hollywood director, has a chance at a comeback. The catch? She must first marry her brother’s soap-star boyfriend to stop him from being outed by a tabloid.

For Laney, the lavish fake wedding is meant to be all business, until she meets the wedding planner, Jennifer Acosta.

Their attraction is instant and undeniable. As Laney and Jennifer work closely planning the wedding, stolen moments stoke the flames of a passion too powerful to resist.

Immerse yourself in this steamy tale where fantasy and reality entwine. Love makes its own rules, and for Laney and Jennifer, the fake wedding of the year may just be the start of something real.

Before You Were Mine by Heidi Lowe

After the intercity bus she's traveling on crashes into a bridge, Abigail wakes up in a hospital in Utah with no memory of who she is.

Unsure of when, or even if, her memory will return, she settles into her new life in Oakwood, where she meets Tiffany, a nurse she befriends while hospitalized. Abby knows it would be unwise to get involved with someone while her past is still a blur, so she tries to ignore her growing feelings for the beautiful woman. But as the two grow closer, and things get serious between them, Abby is finally ready to put her unknown past to bed... Which might be a problem for James, her husband of two years.

Graceless by Ruby Landers (book Two of the Grace Notes Trilogy)

Savannah Grace is on top of the world when her younger sister Cassidy shows up on her doorstep with one plan and one plan only: for her sister to turn her into a star.

Savannah’s nanny Lane has grown all the way up, from a cute punk kid to a classic handsome heartbreaker, a long trail of short flings in their wake. They don’t have a second to waste on Cassidy, after all she’s rude, ignorant, hot-tempered and kind of a brat. It’s just… does their boss’s little sister have to be so hot? Of course things could always get worse.

Of course, Sarah Waters' books:

1. Fingersmith

Sue Trinder is an orphan, left as an infant in the care of Mrs. Sucksby, a "baby farmer," who raised her with unusual tenderness, as if Sue were her own.

Mrs. Sucksby’s household, with its fussy babies calmed with doses of gin, also hosts a transient family of petty thieves—fingersmiths—for whom this house in the heart of a mean London slum is home.

One day, the most beloved thief of all arrives—Gentleman carries with him an enticing proposition for Sue: If she wins a position as the maid to Maud Lilly, a naïve gentlewoman, and aids Gentleman in her seduction, then they will all share in Maud’s vast inheritance. Once the inheritance is secured, Maud will be disposed of—passed off as mad, and made to live out the rest of her days in a lunatic asylum.

With dreams of paying back the kindness of her adopted family, Sue agrees to the plan. Once in, however, Sue begins to pity her helpless mark and care for Maud Lilly in unexpected ways...But no one and nothing is as it seems in this Dickensian novel of thrills and reversals.

2. The paying guests

It is 1922 and in South London, in a genteel Camberwell villa—a large, silent house now bereft of brothers, husband, and even servants—life is about to be transformed, as impoverished widow Mrs. Wray and her spinster daughter, Frances, are obliged to take in lodgers.

With the arrival of Lilian and Leonard Barber, a modern young couple of the “clerk class,” the routines of the house will be shaken up in unexpected ways. Little do the Wrays know just how profoundly their new tenants will alter the course of Frances’s life—or, as passions mount and frustration gathers, how far-reaching, and how devastating, the disturbances will be

3. Affinity

An upper-class woman recovering from a suicide attempt, Margaret Prior has begun visiting the women’s ward of Millbank prison as part of her rehabilitative charity work. Amongst Millbank’s murderers and common thieves, Margaret finds herself increasingly fascinated by an apparently innocent inmate, the enigmatic spiritualist Selina Dawes. Selina was imprisoned after a séance she was conducting went horribly awry, leaving an elderly matron dead and a young woman deeply disturbed.

Margaret is soon drawn into a twilight world of ghosts and shadows, unruly spirits and unseemly passions, until she is at last driven to concoct a desperate plot to secure Selina’s freedom, and her own.

4. Tipping the velvet

Nan King is captivated by the music hall phenomenon Kitty Butler, a male impersonator extraordinaire treading the boards in Canterbury. Through a friend at the box office, Nan manages to visit all her shows and finally meet her heroine. Soon after, she becomes Kitty's dresser and the two head for the bright lights of Leicester Square where they begin a glittering career as music-hall stars in an all-singing and dancing double act.

At the same time, behind closed doors, they admit their attraction to each other and their affair begins.

Turbulence by E. J. Noyes

Stockbroker Isabelle Rhodes has a lot of money, a lot of trust issues, and a whole lot of reasons to believe her ex-girlfriend was right when she said that Isabelle sucked at relationships. With that accusation stuck in her head, Isabelle throws caution to the wind and dives into her first one-night stand. Checking that off her bucket list should be something to celebrate—except it turns out that the woman she just spent an earth-shattering night with is actually her newly hired company pilot, Audrey Graham.

Concerned about the stigma of workplace dalliances, Isabelle vows it can’t go further than the one night. Good plan—if not for an insistent libido and an even more persistent Audrey who conspires to break Isabelle’s resolve. Soon their no strings arrangement starts to feel a lot like dating, and Isabelle finds herself wanting more than just casual nights together

Fear Of Falling by Georgia Beers

Since she was fourteen, singer Sophie James has been an international superstar. With her career (and life) directed by her manager, Ray, she hasn’t had to worry about a thing for more than a decade. But when Ray has a heart attack, Sophie is left without the only real father figure she’s ever known and questioning everything she believes about what’s important to her.

Enter Dana Landon, the new manager sent by Sophie’s record company. Dana is gorgeous, sophisticated, and ready to do her job keeping Sophie’s career on track and making the record company money. Dana captures Sophie’s attention in ways Sophie never expected--and isn't ready for, but after so many years of being told what to do, Sophie’s ready to shake things up with some ideas of her own.

[one-vivid-judgment]

The We Are BD/SM AU no one asked for, but I'm cooking anyway

(Aka, my newest TanFang + ChainPun + MickMatt fic)

Where... 

Basically PhumPeem's puppy play dynamic is the catalyst for everything. 

- Pun is one kinky bastard whom no dom he's met at the BDSM club has managed to keep up with. Sick and tired of hearing him complain, Peem introduces him to one of his friends from the club that he thinks can work some magic. Enter Chain, who has actually seen Pun around a few times and may have also fallen in love at first sight, but never got the courage to ask him into a room. They hit it off amazingly well, but Chain's happiness is short-lived because he doesn't only want a relationship based on only sex, but Pun doesn't give any signs that he likes him that way, so he'll just have to keep quiet and suffer in silence. 

• Pun whose relationships have never lasted too long, because he is on the more hardcore side of things and his partners were always very vanilla. Which was fine, he thought, you don't always get what you want and not everyone is gonna be able to give you what you want. But it gets so tiring, having to constantly be afraid of being judged for what you are into by someone who supposedly loves you—because Pun can understand being turned off by your boyfriend asking to be slapped across the face, but at some point, it gets exhausting to constantly have to explain. It's not like things got any better when he switched to only looking for doms at the BDSM club. They always end up not going hard enough on him, or they aren't into breathplay or any of the other stuff Pun is into. One more failure and, he swears, he's done. He'll just adopt a bird and live with it as his only company. 

• Chain who has always been kind of afraid of going all out on his subs because he knows it can get very overwhelming, very fast. He knows how fucked up it sounds that he wants his partner to struggle and give him sass and make it look like they are trying to run away from Chain and like they don't want it. It's all consensual, yes, but it all sounds so... bad. So, he's gotten used to hiding it all. 

Enter Peem, who befriends Chain at the club and is sick and tired of Pun complaining about his sex life, so he introduces them, thinking they're a match made in Heaven. They are. And that's a problem. Because Pun is too used to things getting worse before they get better, and Chain is falling hard, but Pun doesn't give any signs that he wants to be with him outside of their 'club exclusive, sex exclusive' relationship.

- Fang desperately needs to get out of his own head, and after trying a thousand different coping mechanisms that always failed, he thought he found the one when Fai (and Phum, but that's something Fang found out about against his will—aka accidentally walking in on PhumPeem) introduced him to BDSM. She became his dom, and although they didn't work out romantically, she still ties him up or pours some melted wax on him when Fang needs his head to be quiet... Except now Fai has found a new partner at the club and won't be available as much, so Fang finally decides to listen to her advice and see how it is at the club. Enter dashing, handsome Tan who's about to rock this man's world. 

• Fang whose family life has been nothing but constant abandonment and neglect, so he moved out as soon as he could. With his best friend and girlfriend at the time, Fai. They dated for a while, but things didn't work out—it kinda adds to Fang's self-hatred issues, because he was 'using' Fai as a means to get away from home. They stayed good friends, thankfully, and on one faithful day when Fang goes to his brother's condo for a visit, he catches Phum and Peem during a puppy play scene. And Fai doesn't laugh when he tells her, instead gives him a surprisingly informative class about BDSM, which she happens to also be into, although she's never done a scene herself. So, they try. And it gets Fang's head so deliciously empty that he think he's finally found the perfect coping mechanism for when he gets too into his own thoughts. 

• Tan who's always been called 'too much', 'too intense', 'too annoying'. He got into the world of BDSM precisely because he wanted to take care of others and make them feel good and fulfilling their fantasies. But he's never had anything permanent, whether a sub or a boyfriend. Maybe both. Hopefully both. And although Tan tells himself that it's fine, that he is still helping others at the end of the day, he would love to just have somebody that will cuddle up to him afterwards and won't leave immediately after they're given aftercare. The aftercare Tan has never received himself. 

Enter Fai, who meets her new partner at the BDSM club and won't be able to act as Fang's dom as often now. So, he's finally forced into listening to the advice she's been giving him for months: "come to the club," She said, "they have a matchmaking system. You'll find someone. That's how I met Lynn!". The matchmaking, Fang thinks, works a little too well. 

- Matt has been more curious than he'd like to admit about Peem and Phum's puppy/owner dynamic and finally gets the courage to ask his friend to take him to the club where they met. His understanding of the whole thing is super surface level and frankly a bit embarrassing, but to be fair, boy is still struggling with that good ol' internalized homophobia (hooray for shitty dads, am I right?), cut him some slack. Enter Mick, who has a lot of experience and thinks it might be fun to show this newbie the ropes. 

• Matt who has the worst possible relationship with his sexuality after having grown up with a very homophobic father. He left home with his mother ages ago, and he is still barely coming to terms with the fact that he is into men romantically, and here he is now, seeing Phum and Peem acting like a puppy and his owner and dying of curiosity fo what the hell it all means. And he doesn't want to cave, but he does and he asks—and Pun just casually blurts out that they met at a BDSM club, the same he goes to actually. Toey did NOT need to hear that and leaves, but Matt is... intrigued. 

• Mick who's never looked for a serious relationship and was content with just hooking up with people and being in casual D/s relationships. There would always be a better boyfriend, a better dom—at least, that's what he's gathered from the many times his former subs have come to him saying they've met someone else. And every time, he just let them go, easy as that. There would always be a better boyfriend, a better dom. 

Enter Pun, who practically drags Matt to the club one day and leaves him to meet Chain. "Don't worry!" Matt said. "I'll be okay on my own" He said. You know, like a liar. He's not doing okay, and Mick can see it from the opposite end of the club, ditching a potential new hook up to go talk to this awkward-looking boy standing by the bar. 

"You look like you're about to jump out of the nearest window."

"Maybe cause I actually do want to jump out of the nearest window."

If nothing else, it'll be fun to teach this newbie the ropes.

(+ References to camboy Kluen and boyfriend Beer who joins him on his streams sometimes, which may or may not become it's own fic at some point)

[jojotichakorn]

What are your thoughts about the fandom believing that Ray doesn’t “deserve” Sand and that Ray thinks of Sand as someone he can purchase and then own. I don’t quite agree with that interpretation of things and would love to hear your thoughts.

listen, i could sit here all day talking about how most of sandray problems occured due to communication issues on both sides and the unique insecurities both sand and ray have all day. i could also talk about how sand is not the saint uwu baby that some people seem to think he is and - as someone whose favourite ofts character is sand - his woobification is truly the bane of my existence. however, i will not be talking about any of that in detail, because it kind of doesn't make sense to mention while answering your particular ask, considering the fact that i simply fundamentally do not believe that love is something you deserve.

there is no special formula that makes someone deserving of being loved by another person, nor is there any comparison list on just how many times each person can fuck up before one of them stops deserving the love of the other. that's just bullshit. two things are true: 1) sand loves ray and 2) that love is in no way intrinsically damaging or bad for sand (yes, there have been times when he was hurt, but that was, for example, due to lack of communication in episode 5 or ray jumping to conclusions in episode 10, which he apologised for - esentially, none of it is an inherent feature of their relationship).

see, i don't know whether it's people projecting their personal issues on the characters or - much worse - thinking ray being "difficult" (read: in most cases, just mentally ill and an addict) makes him fully unlovable or undeserving of love, but that's not the case not just in general, but specifically with sand. the simple truth of the matter is: sand does NOT find loving ray or being with ray or the person ray is difficult.

from the very beginning, even before sand falls in love, he is annoyed by ray but he also takes care of him - not just because sand is a helpful person and that's what he's used to doing but also because he does not find it burdensome. like, if someone would find it difficult to be in a relationship with a suicidal alcoholic - alright, they're not alone, they can go hang out with mew and chueam, who are in the exact same boat. and if someone would find it hard to be in a relationship with someone who is extremely emotional and "blows up" a lot - ok, then don't be friends with or date people like that. but sand just does not find it hard.

and that's kind of the whole point. there are always people in the world who will love someone with ALL their issues and flaws and idiosyncrasies and complexities. there are genuinely people who are going to be in a fight with someone who is deeply emotional and also deeply intoxicated and not internalise what they are saying. not because they don't care about themselves and are with someone undeserving of them or whatever, but because they understand that the person doesn't mean what they are saying in that moment and they can deal with it. if every time i was rude to someone because i was overstimulated (due to being autistic) that someone dropped me and called me undeserving of their love, i'd have no fucking friends, which is thankfully not the case.

when mew told ray "no one can put up with everything you do" he was wrong. plain and simple. just wrong. sand can. in fact, it's not even that he can "put up" with it - it's more like he can live with it just fine. let sand love the man he loves, seeing as he is very much not struggling with any part of their relationship or his partner's personality, especially after they resolved the issues they had (which is fine, by the way? just because someone is having issues in a relationship doesn't mean they gotta jump ship - if they want to and can deal with them, that's a good thing, actually).

as for the purchase part of your ask, i do always find it quite peculiar how simple people can make things. "rich + poor = automatic objectification" wow thanks for the analysis, boss! profound! like, i truly wish i knew where this could be coming from. i am also a dangerous romance watcher and if someone asked me about this in regards to kang and sailom, i would dive head-first and deep into those waters, because that's actually something that's relevant there. but with sand and ray... truly, i'm baffled by the suggestion.

the whole point of it to ray is that the relationship is genuine. that's deeply important to him, in fact - that is why he reacted the way he did about his father giving sand money. how in the world do you combine "(angrily and in disbelief) so this was all about money to you?" and "i literally bought you, i hope you remember that"?

idk, is this about ray buying sand gifts? 'cause gift giving is just an expression of love and ray just happens to be loaded so yeah, it's guitars and coachella trips or whatever - the guy lives in a mansion, i think it'd be weirder if he went "well, just to be sure i am not buying you, here is a pebble i found on the street for your birthday". is it about him being jealous or perhaps even possessive in the penultimate episode and likely the finale? 'cause that's just an emotion lots of people feel and while you could argue about 'ownership' in terms of the wider optics of how lots of monogamous relationships work, regardless of the financial situation of the partners, this is definitely just a fairly standard situation where two people are in an 'exclusive' relationship and suddenly a clear third party steps in.

ray has never expressed any disdain or even weirdness towards his poor friends in terms of their socioeconomic status, he has only brought up the wine selling issue when he fully blew up because he clearly understood that it was a source of income for sand, his initial suggestion to pay sand to hang out was in response to sand working at that time and literally needing the money he was meant to be earning that day to survive. like, where are we? how did we get here?

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: The Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore

4.5/5. Releases 8/20/24.

vibes: light magic, love after loss, complex families, and waking up into life

Heat Index: 5/10

Ezra has largely disconnected from his family's funeral home--in part because he sees ghosts, and hasn't loved his grandfather's spirit giving him disapproving glares as he's transitioned. But when his mother announces that she's leaving his father for the local rabbi's wife, he's forced to pitch in again. Which brings him into the orbit of the gentle, charming Jonathan... whose late husband appears to be the latest spectral entity haunting Ezra. Ben's presence isn't the only problem (though it certainly does cramp Ezra's style). He also speaks. And moves. In other words--things ghosts aren't supposed to do, and things that definitely cause issues as, slowly--against his own will--Ezra begins falling for Jonathan.

What a strong debut! In a lot of ways, this is as much a family story as it is a romance--the Friedmans are complicated (though, and I think this is important to point out... though they may be imperfect about it, they're largely accepting of Ezra's transition) and as the book goes on, you see how those complications have shaped Ezra and his worldview.

Which, in turn, shapes how he can't quite trust his feelings for Jonathan, or Jonathan's for him. Especially with the dead husband thing. But the paranormal elements of this book are soft, and really serve the character development more than anything else. This is a sweet, funny novel about waking up into your life after sleepwalking for a long time. It is, yes, also about grief and loss... and how life really doesn't stop happening after they occur.

Quick Takes:

--Can I just say... a pseudo love triangle between a guy who sees ghosts, a widower, and the widower's husband's ghost? Brilliant. But it's also not really a love triangle, is it? I loved how super real and honest this story was with the reality of losing a partner to death, rather than by choice. Will Jonathan ever stop loving Ben? Probably not. Does that diminish his feelings for Ezra? Nope.

And a lot of this novel does center on the complexities of love. Of how sometimes, it's not enough. Of how it can end, or take another form. (One of Ezra's close friends is his ex, which I found super interesting.) It's really mature, but not in the manner that anyone acts perfect--they just naturally learn and go through these things together.

--There's a good amount of focus on Ezra's Jewish identity and how that fits into the funeral home, as well as his place in the family as a trans man. None of it comes off as an info dump, and at the same time, I (as someone who isn't Jewish) never felt lost. That's a tough balance to hit. Reading about the rituals was oddly soothing to me--I actually have a lot of anxiety about death, and I worried a bit about that as I opened the book. It was kind of perfect here.

--One really cool note: Ezra is a doula! There's only one fully on the page birth scene, but it's the kind you rarely find depicted in fiction. I super loved that detail.

--Jonathan and Ezra's love story is both inevitable and bittersweet. Because as much as Jonathan still has one foot in the past as someone who lost his spouse... Ezra isn't dissimilar. He also hasn't fully come to terms with a lot of things--he hasn't fully processed his transition (understandably) and there's this huge reframe happening within his family. It's kind of refreshing to see a book in which we see a lead really having to do some work before they can fully be true to not just themself, but their partner.

The Sex:

There's one full sex scene in this one, and it's both explicit and, I think, respectful of the insecurities Ezra still has about his body. (I also want to mention that, as far as I noticed, the author also made an effort to censor Ezra's deadname. Which was super cool.) It's romantic and tender and also hot? And it was real about Jonathan's own new experiences, too. I kind of loved it.

In some ways, Rules for Ghosting is more about metaphorical than literal ghosts--even though there is a literal talking ghost. But more than anything, it's about acceptance and honesty and coming to terms with who you are--and all the things you can't necessarily do, even if you want to, until that happens.

Thanks to NetGalley and Dell for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[neon-z]

Curse of 1983

Once again I started thinking about how Rika has been handled by Ryukishi07 in recent Higurashi, and it reminds me of how much I dislike it. My previous rant about Sotsu touched on the issue, but looking back, it goes beyond Sotsu.

Rika's entire character now exists in function of her suffering in 1983. She succeeded and managed to move away from that, but emotionally that just isn't the case. Abandoning everything said in the original story about her just wanting to live in peace alongside the people she loves, now she also wants to move away from them into an unknown world. A large part of her character basically becomes a reaction to the loops. She suffered there, so now she searches for the opposite of that. And that is framed even by Hanyuu (who the narrative pushes as the morally correct answer) as her reaching for her "freedom", with Hanyuu treating with despair a future where she fails to move away from Hinamizawa, like it were a rejection of her growth. But is this really growth?

Rika leaving Hinamizawa, especially to St.Lucia, is framed specifically as a rejection to the loops both in the narrative and even R07's interviews, where he frames it in very superficial ways, like describing Rika's desire for a "western atmosphere" (which feels like a very superficial reason to upend her entire life for something that would only last a couple of years). She ends up feeling like an empty person, whose entire dream is entirely reactive, without anything within it. I've had some people tell me this view is purely negative and I'm disregarding the heart of the story, but like I said, R07's interviews (with the architecture highlight) just seemed to push me more in the direction that this is all empty. While Satoko's loops have no weight on her final chararacter, who is pushed to mature in a "natural" way, Rika is still all about her loops with nothing framed out of that. This is extremely frustrating especially because the narrative tries to frame the conclusion as a happy ending, rather than acknowledging the hopeless state Rika is left in at the end, as someone driven entirely by an empty goal that only exists as a reaction to suffering.

But Sotsu isn't R07's most recent Higurashi work. Right around the time Sotsu was ending, R07 had revealed a series called Higurashi Rei (from Reiwa era) taking place more than 35 years after the original Higurashi. Now, Reiwa is a separate continuity that branches off from Matsuribayashi, but this is still a work with involvement from R07 that he conceptualized right after he was done with Gou and Sotsu. The way he views characters and concepts can be glimpsed and connected through this. So, we see a 48 years old Rika, and what kind of person is she? How did her growth turn out?

She doesn't like staying anywhere for long, and is always traveling around the world. Years can pass without her returning to Hinamizawa. We first see her in the story while she's in the hospital after falling from stairs. The story quickly frames her greatest happiness as meeting the very same group of friends from 1983, to "go back to those times". And, as it turns out, that's everything there is to her life. Her friends dying, even though she hadn't seen them in years, and was mostly unaware of the problems going through Hinamizawa in the last two years, immediately cause her to kill herself and loop again, even though here she only has 3 chances due to magical jewels given by Hanyuu years ago, rejecting a world without some of them.

In spite of being a traveler who has gone through the entire world, her life is still defined by 1983. Unlike the other club members that formed their own families (including Satoko who in this world got over her own relationship traumas off-screen and got hitched to a man, becoming a "lady" of the Kimiyoshi family), Rika is alone and seemingly had formed no strong bonds beyond the club, to the point the death of her friends immediately makes her jump back to looping out of her own will. So, from one side you have her with "freedom", "moving away" from Hinamizawa, in another she's still stuck in the past more than anyone else. Which goes back to what I mentioned before, Rika's freedom ends up framed as just a reaction to the loops, with her entire character existing in service of that. She didn't really grow because her "dream" is all an empty reaction, not something with actual meaning. The narrative takes pot shots at that too, with her being bothered by the children calling her "aunt", or her asking Irie for Satoko photos, poking fun at how she's pretty stuck in the past unlike the others. And yet this same narrative refuses to take any of that seriously. It's all somehow framed as a "happy ending", rather than something seen under critical eyes in spite of the scenario itself that has been written.

This issue of a forced "happy ending" becomes even more obvious when you look at her relationships beyond the club. Rika abandoned Hinamizawa and the Furude tradition, so now they bring outside priests to handle the religious ceremonies and the Watanagashi performance can actually be done by anyone. At the same time though, Rika is still respected in the village and loved by the "elders", which is a status quo that makes no sense at all once you start thinking about it. To start with, the elders that pampered Rika when she was young should be dead by now, these elders in love with her now would actually need to be the young adults from her time. The young adults from the time she left the village and led to various religious reforms. And in spite of all that she's somehow still seen with a positive view, which is weird. Even going beyond the identity of these elders, if they care about the religion and Rika's position within it, it's odd they were fine with her leaving and the Furude being replaced by outside priests. On the other hand, if they don't care about the traditions... why do they care about Rika someone who left the village and did little for them through the years? There's no reason at all. If they didn't care for the traditions, they'd just see Rika as this girl who left them years ago and would have no attachment to her. The whole situation only exists in order to frame Rika's current status quo as a happy ending, so she gets to leave the village, while still benefiting from all the love she had before.

Sotsu tries to draw a parallel between Rika and Satoko, putting them on the same level as Satoko also becomes a looper, but I feel like it falls apart in the conclusion. Satoko's conclusion is moving away from her loops, acting like they basically never happened. Her final development is meant to be basically putting it all aside and focusing on a healthy human life unrelated to all that time she spent there. On the other hand, Rika's entire character in his modern works is based on her own loops and the burden she carries from them - even abandoning Saikoroshi's conclusion where she talked like she'd put all that past behind and live like this world was her only one. Running away from Hinamizawa or searching for new experiences by traveling around the world are all reactions that exist due to her time in the loops, nothing to do with her human life, and yet her character has become defined by that. That's how Ryukishi07 could go from writing Gou/Sotsu to Reiwa - going back to a non-looper Satoko after all the focus she had just gotten doesn't contradict her character thematically, even if you'd think it'd be a huge step back after the development she just got. Meanwhile, Rika is still a looper, and once again alone - just like when she's leaving Hinamizawa at the end of Sotsu leaving everyone behind, while the other main club members are all together. Thematically, Satoko was always meant to "move away" from her loops, but Rika is eternally chained to her loops in 1983, something Ryukishi07 attempts to frame as a "happy ending", even though it obviously isn't one.

[itsuki-minamy]

"CRUSH ON BABY" (PART 1)

NOVEL: REI RAIRAKU (GORA) / ILLUSTRATION: HIROKO UTSUMI

TRANSLATION: NARU-KUN

* List of Chapters

Hibiki has a sex appeal that makes him stand out even with those of the same sex.

However, despite that kind of matter, there was little concern for appearance. Despite the fact that he has cat hair and a bad habit of sleeping, he doesn't mind it, and even comes out on stage with a very messy head.

When he came to see Hibiki live for the first time, Minase was worried about Hibiki's sleeping habit, coldly barked, and couldn't concentrate. Since then, he has come to fix his hair before live performances.

"Is it alright if I let it play lightly like always?"

"Yes, leave it at that, Minase."

In the small dressing room of the live show, Minase fixed Hibiki's hair while he was careful not to disturb the other performers. First, he lightly dampened the hair to restore hair that he was bouncing too freely and then blow-dried it to create a lock of hair.

"Hibiki, are you going to have Minase-kun do your hair again?"

The band member, Yasushi, who was getting a haircut together with Hibiki, pouted and said that.

"Yes."

Hibiki also gloated and laughed, so Minase lowered his eyebrows and waved his hand.

"No, to me it's like I'm practicing with a cracked hair."

"If we become famous, I'll be proud to say that you're the hairstylist and makeup artist who made Hibiki Aisaka shine."

"In that case, I'd like to use Hibiki's name as much as possible. It'll be a nice addition, so let me quickly brag."

Minase replied jokingly, but it wasn't really a joke, it was a possible future.

Hibiki is a man in the band whose homeland is Shimokitazawa. He is the vocalist of the band "Lonely Sleep" and is also the main songwriter for the band's songs. "Lonely Sleep" has gained solid popularity centered on Hibiki, with the latter song being ranked in the TOP 100 on the distribution site. Currently, it seems that famous people are also calling him.

"I like when Minase touches my hair."

As he let the gel mix into his fluffy hair and let it play with the ends of his hair, Hibiki narrowed his eyes and said that.

"That's what you usually say to girls, right?"

"Haha, did you hear?"

"You don't have to show off your girl's persuasion techniques."

"I'm just saying what I think. You'll fall in love with me, so it's like committing a sin."

"Yes, yes."

He asked him again about his tone as he spoke lightly and finished his hair with a spray.

"Will the crackers go to the majors?"

"Eh? Hmm... I don't know."

In response to Minase's question, he returned a gruff voice that was different from the good response he had received earlier.

"You're reluctant, Hibiki. Well, indies have more freedom, and I've seen a lot of them disappear as soon as they go to the majors, so I don't know."

Although it's his own band, Yasushi says it's someone else's problem. Yasushi, who is the oldest member of the band and has a job, seems to be the type not originally oriented towards professionals and is content to do what he likes with the music he likes. The choice of whether or not to go to the majors seemed to be left up to Hibiki, who is the core of the band.

"Right now, I want to broaden my musical horizons. For that reason, I want to sing Yozora's song."

Hibiki said that with a light tone and laughed.

Hibiki's choices affect the lives of Yasushi and other band members.

To Hibiki, who was trying to choose a path to follow, his desire to sing a song Yozora made seemed convincing, contrary to the frivolous tone of the words Yozora said.

"I think Yozora will write songs that I can't write right now. If I can sing that, I feel like I'll be able to see a different scenario."

Minase smiled wryly.

"If you told Yozora-kun about your serious feelings, he'd probably listen to you a bit more."

"Eh? It's true that Yozora has that silly side, but it wouldn't hurt to ask him to do it without crying. If Yozora doesn't feel like doing it, it's pointless."

"I'm not telling you to cry. I'm telling you to be sincerer with your requests."

Hearing the exchange between Minase and Hibiki, Yasushi raised an eyebrow and said, "Sure.".

"Hibiki, did you talk about your obsession with "Yozora-kun" with anyone other than Minase-kun and Ba?"

At Yasushi's question, Hibiki tilted his head blankly.

"How is it? I feel like there's a story about that someone you want to make a song for. Why?"

"Because Miike-kun wrote a letter that seemed to know."

"Mike-kun?"

As Minase bowed his head, Yasushi picked up a paper parcel from among the stacked gifts and held it up where Hibiki and Minase could see it.

"Someone who writes a long fan letter every time. He's a huge fan of Hibiki. The shock was so strong that I completely remembered his face and his name."

Hibiki received a letter that seemed to be written on stationery and flipped through it. Minase looked at the letter from behind Hibiki.

The letter itself was addressed to the band, but the content was mostly words to Hibiki. Perhaps someone with some musical experience, his impressions of the "Lonely Sleep" songs were extraordinarily detailed, and although he thought he wrote a series of critical analyzes of the songs, he also wrote extensively about how he felt about the songs on hibiki.

"How can I say...? It's amazing."

When he tried to express his impressions softly, that was all he could say.

However, Hibiki was probably used to receiving strong attachments and affections. "Well.", he stopped him slightly.

"Artists don't like other people making them dream, so I'm thankful that people are so involved with me~. He seems to have a bit of a stalker temper."

"He is a man, right?"

"Yes. He's in his late twenties and it doesn't look like he's in a band. It's pretty rare for a guy to send out hot fan mail all the time."

Hibiki continued to flip through the paper. The letter, which was a mixture of criticism and fantasies, and in some places the statement that "I am the one who understands Hibiki's talent the most", honestly brought tears to his eyes, but Hibiki wiped his eyes with a flat attitude.

However, towards the end of the letter, Hibiki stopped.

"I heard that there is someone Hibiki wants me to write a song. I think Hibiki's songs are supreme, but I can understand the idea of wanting to add something new, so I won't object. Hibiki wants to make that wish come true, but before that, I want you to take a look at the song I wrote. I think it's a song that fits Hibiki. It doesn't matter if Hibiki sings it or not."

At the end of the letter was the sheet music. Minase was able to read the score. He followed the notes with Hibiki's eyes, and in his heart, he thought he was bold.

The song included in the letter was in good shape, but that was all. Sending that to a musician he admires and being able to say it from a higher perspective that he doesn't care if he sings seemed to be the heart of the matter.

"Well, just take my feelings."

Hibiki said that with a wry smile and put down the letter.

"I don't remember revealing Yozora's name or background, so I think it's fine, but I don't think you should say careless things outside."

Hibiki scratched his head.

The proximity between independent bands and the fans can often cause problems.

Minase looked at the letter on the desk.

Even if the music written there was of higher quality, it wouldn't be what Hibiki wanted.

What Hibiki is looking for is his starting point, the sound of the beginning of his longing.

++++++++++

Minase, Hibiki, and Yozora met ten years ago.

Minase was eleven years old, Hibiki was twelve, and Yozora was fifteen.

It was just an exchange of words. Ten years have passed since then, and it was only about a month and a half ago that Minase and Hibiki met again.

Hibiki came to the beauty salon where Minase works and became Minase's first client.

Normally, it takes two to three years for an assistant who just graduated from beauty school to be able to cut clients' hair as a stylist. The owner of the beauty salon where Minase works is meritocratic, and the assistant graduates when she judges that he has the skills to match hers.

That day was the first time Minase was allowed to touch a customer's hair other than shampoo and blow dryer, and it was Hibiki who came there.

At first, he didn't realize it was the boy he met ten years ago. Facing a young man with an aura who opened the door of the shop and appeared, he was nervous because the obstacles seemed to be high from the first shot.

The owner of the beauty salon where Minase works is a well-known person who also does hair and makeup for magazines and publicity shoots. That young man, who seemed to make a living by appearing in public, must have heard of the owner's reputation and came to the store.

He greeted with a sense of humiliation that such a novice stylist was in charge.

"I am Rui Minase, and I will be in charge today. Nice to meet you."

There was no immediate response, so Minase silently looked at Hibiki. Hibiki's eyes, which were wide, met his line of sight through the mirror.

"Rui? It's you?"

"Eh? Those eyes, after all, but..."

He answered while he was confused, and Hibiki's eyes widened further.

"Minase, it's you?"

"Yes. Have I changed?"

Minase's name is generally not used in kanji for boys' names. That name was given to him by his mother, who once tried to become a pianist and was frustrated in the past, hoping that this child could perform in a way that would make people cry.

Unfortunately, that wish never came true.

"I knew it.", he heard a low-pitched murmur.

"Hairdresser, you used to play the piano, right?"

"Eh? Why...?"

Hibiki, who was looking at him through the mirror, turned around and looked straight at Minase's face.

"Ten years ago, you were in a restaurant with a piano! A restaurant where there was a recital by an amazing fifteen-year-old boy!"

At that moment, the sight from ten years ago flashed in Minase's head.

The sound of a piano played by a genius. The pressure from his mother. Fingers happily jumping on the keyboard. The face of a young man fascinated and excited by music.

"...Hibiki-kun?"

He remembered the name. He also felt a remnant of his face, if you asked him.

At that time, he had the impression that he was more feminine and cute, but his cat eyes were still the same.

"Yes, Hibiki Aisaka! Hey, are you still his friend? That piano boy, Yozora!"

He thought that comment was something strange.

Minase left the piano a long time ago, his relationship with Yozora had been broken for a long time, but he met Yozora a few months before he met Hibiki.

Looking for a model who would let him cut his hair for free, he called Yozora who was in front of Shimokitazawa station. When he called out to him, all he could see was Yozora's silky black hair, but the moment Yozora turned around and his eyes met, they recognized each other.

He felt like saying goodbye after exchanging just a few words, but when he learned that Yozora lived in the same neighborhood and currently works as a bartender, he somehow ended up becoming a regular customer there.

Then, not long after, he ran into Hibiki again.

In that city where people live with loose connections, the thin threads of three people who crossed paths ten years ago became intertwined again. Minase sensed there a modest destiny.

Unfortunately, when he took Hibiki to Yozora's bar, Yozora didn't remember Hibiki.

Minase left the dressing room remembering Yozora's indescribable face when he introduced Hibiki to him. When he entered the room, he found a straight face leaning against the far wall, having a drink.

Minase walked directly towards him.

"Yozora-kun, you're here. You said you wouldn't go because you'd be at the store."

Yozora turned away sheepishly as his smile relaxed.

"By the way, the bar was originally closed irregularly and forced me to leave the ticket, I don't think it's a good idea to waste it..."

He laughed at Yozora who said things that weren't honest.

Yozora didn't remember the Hibiki that he met ten years ago. Although it was annoying, they seemed to be completely united.

Minase also thinks that Hibiki is quite a mysterious man. He seems flighty, but he's good at people watching and pushing the limits without breaking the line.

Minase also admits that he's quite sociable, but he has a broad and superficial style, and even though he didn't have many friends to hang out with frequently, Hibiki called him many times in a short period of time, and before he knew it, he was closer to him than any of his old acquaintances.

On the other hand, he never touched the part where Minase seemed to get annoyed and he apart his hand.

"...I know you're popular with the girls."

He mumbled unintentionally, and Yozora looked at Minase in a strange way.

As the time for the performance approached, the venue was packed with people. The customer ratio between men and women is about 50/50, and you can see that Hibiki's imagery isn't the only thing that attracts women.

Now that he thought about it, he wondered if the fan card guy he'd seen in the dressing room was out there somewhere. As he looked around him, Minase moved slightly and shook his shoulders.

Standing in the front row of the stage, there was a young man looking at the venue as if he was watching it.

The other people waiting in the front row looked excitedly at the stage and chatted with their companions, but the man turned his back to the stage and searched the faces of the people, looking around as if he was going to leave.

If the position where the young man was standing was in the back, where Minase and Yozora were, he might have wondered if it was someone from the industry who came to watch the live performance, but while standing in the front row, the behavior from him it was as if he floated in the surroundings.

In Minase's head, the sender of the fan letter and his existence were immediately linked.

It matched the characteristics that Hibiki said. He was in his late twenties, roughly the same age as Yozora, and was dressed in a crisp white shirt and pants that didn't fit the atmosphere of a live show. He seemed well educated.

"Minase? What's wrong?"

Yozora strangely called out to the hardened Minase.

As Minase was about to reply, the young man's eyes suddenly turned to him.

He felt that their gazes were mixed. No, was he looking at Yozora instead of Minase?

Looking directly at the young man's face, a slight feeling of déjà vu passed through Minase.

"Yozora-kun, that person…"

As Minase was about to say that, the hall lights went out.

Kyaaa, ooohhh, cheers filled with anticipation rose like a wave.

Minase and Yozora also stopped talking and looked at the stage. The young man in the front row, who had been looking back until just now, also turned to face the stage.

The band members appeared on stage. Guitar, bass, drums, and finally Hibiki stood in front of the vocal microphone.

When he met him in the dressing room, he was the usual slow young man, but when he stood up straight onstage, Hibiki was impressively powerful.

The drums set the rhythm, he played the guitar and the song began.

[amplesalty]

Halloween 2024 - Day 1 - Nope (2022)

Whole lotta horse abduction going on...

What, October already? Better break out those horror movies then, and why not a continuation of sorts from yesteryears? Following on from the past successes of Jordan Peele with his direction of Get Out and Us, as well as his involvement in the new Candyman, Nope has been something I've been looking forward to seeing over the past couple of years so I figured I'd put it on the agenda for this year's marathon.

Daniel Kaluuya return's as the the protaganist, OJ, having starred in the aforementioned Get Out. There's also other familiar faces like Steven Yeun from The Walking Dead, Michael Wincott who was in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves and The Crow, and of course my boy Ketih David. Though, his is only a passing appearance as he is killed off early on by a falling coin that is thought to be some sort of airline malfunction. See kids, this is why your parents tell you never throw things from the top of car parks.

It's David's untimely demise that see's OJ thrust to the forefront of the family business; horse training. Specifically for use in film and television. Unfortuately, OJ doesn't quite have the knack for this whole thing and gets dumped from an upcoming project after one of his horses get's spooked and lashes out on set. Speaking off which, in order to get some money back into the business, OJ has been selling some of the horses to a local western themed theme park called Jupiter's Claim, whose owner has a tragic background of being witness to a much more violent animal outburst on set.

As a child actor, he featured in a sitcom called Gordy which seems to be the kind of absurd show you normally see parodied on TV or film where a family has a chimpanzee that lives with them. One day though this chimp goes completely apeshit (pun intended) and kills some of of the cast. Now, granted you're probably not expecting that and the monkey probably got the jump on you but I dunno, is it wrong to think you could take a chimpanzee in a fight? Granted, they do have those nasty fangs and pound for pound they probably are pretty strong but they're only small. I do love those kind of surveys, if only for when they get towards the end of the list and there's a handful of people who are like "Yeah, I think I could beat an elephant."

OJ starts to notice some weird occurances around the family ranch like EMP type blackouts that even knock out cars and phones. He comes to suspect this is a UFO and hopes to document this in the hopes of becoming rich from selling the footage. Only to a completely reputable outlet that is, like Oprah. It's here that I start to have some problems with the movie. Like, it's not a bad movie and it did keep me intruiged as to where it was going. But it never seemed to really have a strong sense of dread behind it because whatever this UFO is is very vague and unseen for the bulk of the money. That's not uncommon in horror, with the old idea of what the mind imagines can often be scarier, but it felt like the characters in the movie weren't particuarly fussed most of the movie either. I think that largely comes down to Kaluuya as OJ who just seems completely stoic about everything the entire time.

When the UFO does show up, at first I thought it was a flying Stetson hat or something, like the overall Western theme going on had somehow manipulated it's form, kinda like when Gozer appears as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

And even when it does start racking up a body count, it's largely off camera and you just see what appears to be shots of it's victims being ingested like Augustus Gloop going up the pipe in the chocolate factory but even they seemed hard to comprehend and a bit hoky. I'd suggest it was meant to be emulating someone from the classic 50's era sci-fi but it feels a bit out of place amongst the rest of the movie. I guess it's tying back to the whole alien theme by being un-natural and un-nerving.

Which is echoed when the creature does reach it's final form which is something akin to a jellyfish. I think this aspect works well, getting away from the cliched humanoid forms you sometimes get in sci-fi movies, which is something they poke fun at earlier in the film. This particular shot where OJ is trying to lead the thing away from the rest of the group is particuarly mesmerising, just the sheer scale of thing. It has a bit of that 'Old Ones' vibe to it too, that it's just something so unfathmoably alien that your brain couldn't possibly begin to comprehend it and to try would send you mad.

The part where the creature hovers over the hose, regurgitating all the stuff it's eaten and showering the house in blood is also a really cool moment, like something out of The Shining or Poltergeist. Ultimately though, this one felt like a let down to me in that I went into it with such high hopes based of Peele's previous work. Some people seem to really love it and rank it amongst some of the best sci-fi movies ever made so all power to you guys on that one, it just wasn't for me. Even the underlying messages didn't really hit me that strongly, like I've seen people talking about how it's a look at the dangers of survellience and making allusions to faith and the ascencion to Heaven but it doesn't have that raw 'holding a mirror to society' feel that Peele's earlier work does. Though, I guess you don't want to do that in every movie lest you become pidgeon holed and you get those stupid people who think you're 'bringing race into everything' when you're making a Candyman movie. I still can't get over that.

[the-library-of-reactions]

Chapter 3

I feel like this landscaper is gonna be so grumpy, I already love him

Oh, he's hot, that's good

And he's italian:

1st: he's hotter now

2nd: that's gonna be a problem

"At least, I think it's italian. I can't say I know a word of the language, but I saw and italian movie with subtitles once." OK I really like this narration, it feels like nothing is getting filtered from her mind

"Gracias", sweetheart, that's Spanish, the word you're looking for is "grazie"

"Hmm, that might have been Spanish. Oh well." OK, Millie is hilarious

Thank fuck that my first language is a Latin language, that way I can tell that Pericolo is DANGER GIRL RUN

"I've been itching to do some honest hard work" ok, so she really wants to get back in society

The husband has entered the chat

"His eyes widen further when he notices my luggage." So Nina's the crazy one. I had my suspicions but is good to be sure

Oh my God, what if he had a case with someone from the staff before??

The guy is also hot (another love interest maybe?) Oh my God, she falls in love with her and ends up helping her instead of letting her wife do the shut that she usually. Maybe Nina ends up killing him because of it (I'm sorry but there is a dead body of a guy in the prologue and I'm going to find out whose that is)

OH, the money is Andrew's. I thought it was Nina's in a daddy's money case

Also Nina apparently isn't that attractive? Nina had some kind of blackmail on Andrew and obligated him to marry her

Nina is a jealous bitch

"This is a man who loves his wife" I can't believe you're falling for that

Those three water bottle must mean something

And the door just locks from the outside. That's just great

And there's scratches on the door, I'd rather live in a Nissan than this room

And the window doesn't open, isn't that just awesome

[leandra-kinard]

Okay, to play 'devil's advocate' here a little and add some nuance (while definitely not condoning any of the tone-deaf, entitled behavior!).

There IS some merit in stories where people who previously thought they were straight figure out they're not. We had that with Buck; we previously had that with Michael. I personally know a man whose story was very similar to Michael's. So that part is not necessarily NOT gay culture, because it does happen often. People 'see the light' at 30, 40, even 50 and finally find out who they are.

I've often read people say (especially in regards to Eddie) "this, the comphet behavior, is what I did before I dared to admit to myself I'm bi/gay/a lesbian." So there's a natural and non-harmful projection of these kinds of valid queer experiences onto these characters.

Then there's also the slow burn aspect of it, the "will they, won't they" and "there's something there that could very well be more than platonic, these two idiots just haven't figured it out yet."

When it comes to stories and storytelling, there's an appeal to that. It's a very common trope in straight couples too, to have them only realize their romantic feelings a long, long time into their platonic/professional relationship. So why should that not happen with two people of the same gender?

Now this is where it gets a bit complicated, because it presumes a concept that is not necessarily wrong, but can be a little naive and unrealistic, namely the "gender doesn't matter, sexual orientation doesn't matter, this is about two souls falling in love". This isn't something that never happens in reality either, but its framing as a "one in a million exception" is the unrealistic part. There's no "straight with one exception"; discovering and experiencing actual attraction to someone of the same gender does make you no longer straight, and it means you never were straight.

I guess especially younger people cannot always fully grasp these nuances between what does happen in reality and what is a naive fairytale concept that essentially erases bisexuality.

I think it's unfair to say or imply that shipping Buddie is inherently or frequently (seriously) homophobic, or that it comes from a place of not liking gay men. Many of us who ship Bucktommy now used to ship Buddie because we did see the appeal and did see a potential (to a point; for me, in hindsight, that point was probably somewhere in s6 where it became no longer realistic for Eddie to have a gay awakening. A bi one maybe, but I am 99.9% convinced that ship has now definitely sailed. Then again, with some of the inconsistent writing, who the hell even knows what Tim decides? lol)

So, when people say, they don't want another story where someone already knows they're not straight that's also not per se wrong, imho. The phrasing in the above screenshot is definitely insensitive and tone-deaf and requires much more added context to make clear you don't mean it against established gay characters, you just mean it as a plea for coming out/figuring out one's sexuality arcs. Which is something I and many other queer people I know have said before. We want to see the epiphany, the struggle, the process of acceptance because that is something many of us did go through. To experience that with two characters we love could have felt very rewarding and validating.

To say this generally comes from a place of homophobia (while certainly some things that have been said and posted by the most toxic BoBs over the past half year WERE going in that direction!) also erases those queer experiences and feelings.

TL;DR: There are many queer experiences and view points that are all equally valid, and they could be expressed in various types of queer stories in fiction. Buddie as a slow burn and realizing one's sexuality later in life story would have been one valid version of the queer experience. Wanting Buddie is not per se the problem. The problem lies in invalidating the Bucktommy type of queer experience, especially Tommy's side. And the problem lies in entitled, rude and tone deaf behavior online. In my opinion.

I just think we, the Bucktommy shippers, should not fall into the trap of doing as was done to us by framing the other ship as inherently problematic (though calling out individual instances of problematic behavior and wording is valid! And the above are definitely examples of that). We can be better than that and recognize that many queer experiences and views are valid and can co-exist. The BoBs are the ones who cannot do that.

the more and more time i spend on tumblr and come across insane Buddie takes and behavior, the more and more i am convinced that the small, vocal, toxic subsection of shippers who don't know how to behave are, how shall i say it?

homophobic

they don't seem to actually like gay men. the situation with richard siken is an example of that. what they appear to like is their made-up version of what gay men are like and what they do. there's no concept of nuance or an actual understanding of queerness that informs their ship.

and i don't think you do need to understand it. sometimes you can just enjoy something without looking into it differently. but if you're going to be out on main talking about Buddie this and Buddie that, then you absolutely need to do the bare minimum and inform yourself on gay culture and gay issues so you don't, you know, go after a gay poet because you didn't like his tone.

sorry, there's a reason gay men of his demographic don't take shit. it's because they took so much shit that a large percentage of them died. the ones that survived don't owe you a tone when you act like an idiot.

the internet is free. wikipedia is free.

use a search engine and educate yourself, just a tiny little bit, and stop fetishizing while holding onto homophobic attitudes

[itsmaferart]

SxF · · · Ep 15 · · · I will take care of you all my life

This is a simple family outing, taking the new family member out for the first time. And as in a brief moment we hear Loid giving Anya an important lesson, about the responsibility of caring for "someone" all her life.

But strangely enough, these words did not please Agent Twilight, right?

The question is why?

In a mission whose goal is to have the ideal family, becoming the perfect father to Anya is essential to the Strix mission. Therefore, it is the duty of Loid Forger, a loving father, a widowed man who lost his first wife and raised his daughter alone to give her these lessons. This will make your role more believable, taking care of the appearance.

… So… Why is being a hypocrite so painful this time?

Maybe because you didn't plan those words?

Perhaps, you weren't trying to trick Yor and convince her that you are Anya's real father, or you weren't trying to trick Anya into feeling that she has a real father, and not realize that you will someday abandon her, you weren't trying to save face in the face of a neighbor or a possible threat to the Strix operation.

The real problem is that these words were totally sincere.

You just wanted to be a good father to her, and teach her how important it is for you to protect the lives of others.

.

These sincere words are very risky, because it is admitting that "you are getting attached to them" and you will notice the absence of them when the Strix mission is no longer necessary for peace.

What need does Agent Twilight have to constantly remind himself that he is on a mission… and will he ever stop seeing the two of them?

Sure, he'll make sure they're safe and that WISE makes sure they have the best life possible, but that's not enough for you.

Because he himself wants to be the one to take care of them and make sure they are happy. But that would put the world at risk, because peace between Ostania and Westalis is an illusion, and you swore that you will not rest until the children live in a world without war

So, you decided to resign yourself to your own happiness, for the sake of the world and peace.

That will be best for Anya, for Yor, for Bond and for the world

.

It's this kind of scene that makes it clear to me that Twilight is really falling in love with her family and is really happy at their side. But, like a resigned man, he gives himself these brief doses of reality to try to make the idea of parting with them less painful, a way of cushioning the blow he doesn't want to take.

The family is not a burden for Twilight, the real burden in his life is the war, and the traumas he has had to carry in his life, using them as a motivation to keep fighting. Having a quiet life, they have slowly made him realize that sacrificing his life being a spy is very strenuous. And this manifests itself in the enormous stress and fatigue he faces with his extra missions.

I understand, why Twilight doesn't frequent these types of monologues, or how he doesn't question every moment of sincerity he has. If Twilight did, he would surely be very affected from constantly hurting himself, entered into a depressive and melancholic state. That's why it's easier to deny it and say "it's because of my mission." So he does not have to come up with the obvious answer that he is not ready to get.

.

.

I really hope that someday he can get his true peace with his family

.

What do you think?

[ben-wisehart]

Hi! I LOVE your SVSSS meta, it's always so well thought out<3 At the very bottom of your BingQiu meta post you mention that LBH is gay. I had interpreted his sexuality in SV as like, he could be attracted to anyone (evidenced by his huge harem in PIDW) but after falling for SQQ, he wasn't interested in anyone else. What leads you to believe that LBH is gay and not bi or pan? (I don't have a strong opinion either way, I'm just interested in hearing your take if you feel like talking about it!)

the post anon is referring to

Oh man I've had this one stewing in my brain for days. I DEFINITELY feel like talking about it.

So here's my obligatory disclaimer that media should be enjoyable first and foremost, and if someone reading this enjoys seeing Binghe as bi or pan, I think you should continue to do so regardless of whether or not it's supported by canon.

To be honest, while I don't read either Luo Binghe or Shen Qingqiu as mspec, I'd probably have an easier time believing it of Binghe than SQQ. SQQ's feelings and attitudes toward women come across very much like your pretty stock-standard compulsory heterosexuality; he talks a lot about how he's straight and wants a girlfriend, but try to name one single woman he's actually attracted to and you come up short. In practice, he's constantly making excuses why any given woman who crosses his mind isn't suitable for him: usually it's "they belong to the protagonist" or maybe "she's too intimidating", and he never seems to realise that these things...don't actually preclude him from finding them attractive.

To Shen Qingqiu, simply not being attracted to a woman is very easy and he genuinely doesn't realise that that isn't normal for straight guys. It's why he finds it so confusing why so many people like PIDW despite all the terrible sex scenes. Even when Madam Meiyin (a woman whose predictions he's just described as infallible) is describing his literal destined partner, he tries to picture a woman who fits that description and immediately dismisses the prediction out of hand because she's unrealistic and would obviously go to Binghe anyway.

I think it's really telling that his favourite female lead in PIDW was Liu Mingyan—the only one who never got sex scenes with the character he was actually attracted to. Like. Seriously. His favourite wife was the one he never had to read having straight sex with Binghe. The lack of sex scenes gave her room to breathe and grow as her own character; Shen Yuan talks about how he thinks she should get "pushed down" but I'm willing to bet that if that had actually happened and she'd ended up in the same ridiculous sex scenarios as the other wives, his fondness for her as a character would have mysteriously dried up.

I don't think I have a specific moment I can refer to for this, but you also just...get the impression that even though Binghe is obviously the person SQQ finds most attractive, he's still capable of finding other guys hot. With Liu Qingge in particular Shen Qingqiu spends a hilarious amount of time fixating on what a Pretty Boy(TM) he is compared to how the PIDW fandom liked to portray him. Tianlang-Jun, Gongyi Xiao...even Shang Qinghua he describes as "handsome with an air of sleaziness" in his first appearance. I'm not saying SQQ wants to bone each of these guys, but it does make you kind of feel like a man's general attractiveness is something he takes note of. He does also describe female characters as pretty, so there's an element of it that's just...the POV character relaying the other characters' appearances to the audience, but with the female characters he's usually describing them as they appeared in PIDW, and I sincerely doubt PIDW ever took much time to establish that any given male character was nice to look at.

Anyway. I'm digressing.

As for Binghe...

God, even when I'm trying to talk about Binghe I'm talking about Shen Qingqiu, aren't I??😔

The problem with Binghe, I think, is that he fixates so heavily on Shen Qingqiu to the point of obsession. Like, sure, it's hard to imagine Binghe (as we know him in SVSSS) being attracted to a woman, but it's equally hard to imagine him being attracted to a man that isn't Shen Qingqiu. He just has such singular focus on the person he's fallen for that you might just as well label him "shizunsexual" as anything else.

So if you heard that he married a man in one timeline and a bunch of women in another, and took this information in isolation, you probably could conclude that Binghe is a bi/pan dude who just got really invested in one specific person to an extent that it permanently blinded him to anyone else he might have otherwise shown an interest in, and that this one specific person just happened to be a man.

However, I do think it was MXTX's intention for Binghe to be specifically read as gay, and not just because she's a BL author with a fondness for making her romantic leads only ever have feelings for one single person (and by extension, one gender) in their lives. The Bing-ge extra just doesn't make sense to me if Bing-ge was genuinely attracted to women. And the story overall, I think, makes more sense when that's not the case as well.

Firstly, I want to emphasise that Airplane didn't originally plan for Binghe to be gay. This is a common misconception that I think stems from his teasing remarks to SQQ in the last chapter. In truth, his original plan was for Binghe to not have a love interest. Binghe was supposed to be a tragic protagonist destined to die alone and unloved. Airplane might have added all the wives in for fanservice, and it's obvious that he thinks he's been writing a straight character since he seems genuinely shocked and even upset(??) when he finds out Binghe is gay in real life, but...at the story's core, Binghe having a loving, positive relationship with someone who meets his emotional needs was not part of the plan at any point.

I want to pull up a quote that I think is incredibly telling. This is how Shen Qingqiu describes the scene in PIDW in which Binghe loses his virginity:

The girl thought, "Since I'm about to die, I must leave behind some memories to ensure that my life won't have been in vain. I don't have many days left, after all, so I won't suppress my feelings anymore."

Then, using her weak and fragile body, she pushed Luo Binghe down.

Luo Binghe put up a brief show of resistance before telling himself "She did it all for my sake. I don't have the heart to reject her final wish." He yielded, still half-reluctant, and went along with it...

(Vol 1 Page 143 of the official translation)

Which is just...utterly tragic. I do want to be clear that it's perfectly normal for men to not actually want sex all the time, even with the gender that they're attracted to. Even if Binghe were totally straight it wouldn't be weird that he didn't want to have sex with Qin Wanyue in a life-or-death scenario like the one above. This scene on its own isn't proof that Binghe doesn't like women, but I think it does show that Bing-ge didn't start out chasing women indiscriminately; his very first time was being pressured into it.

Here's the thing. Bing-ge had no positive male figures in his life, especially when he was young. All the men he encountered were indifferent to him at best or outright cruel at worst. He spent his formative years alone with no permanent caregiver. The Meng Mo arc suggests he was on his own until the age of four or five, and that he was regularly beaten on the streets, usually by men. Once his mother took him in, she became his safety and his shelter; it was the two of them against the world. When he loses her, he resolves to join a cultivation clan to get stronger, and is immediately chosen by a graceful and talented immortal—his dream! For the first time, little Luo Binghe allows himself to believe there's going to be somebody else in his life who will protect and mentor him—but then the harsh reality is dumped on his head and he's alone again. His new Shizun punishes him harshly and encourages others to bully him. His shixiongs are only too happy to oblige. His sect leader turns a blind eye to his abuse.

But Ning Yingying...Ning Yingying is naive and a bit tactless and sometimes her interference causes him more problems than it solves, but she's well meaning, she seems to like having him around, and she's the only person who will stand up for him despite everyone telling her not to. In PIDW, she was the person he trusted the most during his time at Qing Jing Peak. Admittedly not a very high bar, but he has a friend. And then the others. Liu Mingyan, Sha Hualing, Qin Wanyue, the Little Palace Mistress...these are people who make him feel wanted. Needed.

It's a really interesting and frankly tragic mirror to Shen Jiu, who was also abused by men and for whom women became his safety. It's also interesting in the ways that they differ. He goes to brothels to sleep so he won't be around men, but there's nothing to suggest Shen Jiu actually turned to having sex with women for comfort in the way that Binghe did. Shen Jiu closes himself off completely from forming relationships with other people, even superficial ones, while Binghe can't seem to stop forming new connections, even if they never manage to satisfy him in the way he really wants.

I think the members of the harem have varying levels of genuine care and love for Binghe. Unfortunately we don’t have the benefit of their POV and we only have brief allusions to what their individual relationships with Binghe were like in PIDW. Breaking down my exact thoughts on each wife would make this essay even more bloated than it already is and wouldn’t add much overall, but in general, I do think most of them were at least physically attracted to him. Some may have married him for political or social advantages, especially once he started to amass power and…eliminate their other options. Some might have wanted the safety and protection that came with being the Saintly Ruler’s wife. I think a good chunk of them were, consciously or not, using him in some way—but Bing-ge is so desperate for human connection (or at least a parody of it) that he doesn’t really care, especially as he spends more and more time using Xin Mo. If he's being taken advantage of, it’s not like he doesn’t have the resources to support it.

But there must have been women in the harem who genuinely loved him, who wished they could be more to him than just an interchangeable face in the crowd. There must have been women whose personalities meshed well with his. Women who earned his trust and his loyalty. Women whom, if Binghe were somebody with the capacity to have romantic feelings towards women, he would have fallen in love with.

And yet, all it took was a few days with Shen Qingqiu to change everything.

Now, I don’t think Bing-ge in the extra was gearing up to give up his harem unprompted. He wanted SQQ to come back with him. I do think that if Bingmei had simply never returned and provided a way back, Bing-ge wouldn’t have regretted the loss, and I also think that if SQQ had gone back with him to join the harem, Bing-ge would have never looked at another woman in his life, but these things aren’t outright stated in canon so I can’t in good conscience present them as indisputable fact. The fandom is pretty consistent on the belief that Bing-ge goes home with his worldview shaken and develops an obsession with SY, and I think that too, but the fact remains that we will never really know for sure how he moves on from that experience. I'm pointing all this out because I really do want to give mspec Binghe as much benefit of the doubt as I possibly can.

But god…I really just don’t see how it’s possible to read the Bingge vs Bingmei extras without coming to the conclusion that Bing-ge is a gay man who is experiencing a genuine positive connection with another man for the first time in his life. He’s hostile and standoffish when he doesn’t know what’s going on, but as soon as he understands the situation, he melts. He looks at Shen Qingqiu like he’s seeing him for the first time. He starts calling his name just because he can, because he likes hearing SQQ respond to him. He becomes drunk on it, unable to stop. He offers to cuddle him to sleep. For somebody who has never had intimate relations with a man before, he doesn’t even hesitate to start seducing him once he understands the situation. Everything is just perfect—right up until SQQ sees through his deception and the facade crumbles.

I don’t think Bing-ge knew he was gay before this point. How would he? Who could possibly have been a focal point for these feelings? The only male friendship we know he had was with Mobei-Jun, and even though Mobei-Jun is also a MLM, he’s not exactly Binghe’s type and they just don’t have the kind of dynamic Binghe needs in a relationship. He’s spent his entire life being the strong one, the one who saves the maiden, the one who carries the weight of the world on his back. So the relationship he truly craves, even if he doesn’t realise it, is one where he gets to be doted on and cared for. Where he gets his hair braided.

He finds that so suddenly in the Scum Villain world, and it shakes him to his core. He doesn’t know how to deal with it. He looks at his other self in a loving relationship with Shen Qingqiu and feels nauseated, but begs Shen Qingqiu to come back with him in the same breath. He doesn’t understand what’s different here, he just knows he doesn’t want to lose it.

Why am I so unwaveringly convinced that Binghe is gay? I’m going to bite the bullet and say It’s Just The Vibe, Your Honour. I guess you can argue that he could still technically like women even if he just never managed to connect with one the way he did with Shen Qingqiu, but there comes a point when you have to ask why you’re assuming a zebra instead of a horse. Narratively, Binghe being gay is the only answer that makes sense to me. The harem collectively serves as a sort of character foil to Shen Qingqiu, contrasting him as a love interest for Binghe. Binghe in PIDW was surrounded by an abundance of relationships but all of them were superficial and shallow, never able to completely satisfy him. Binghe in SV has one loving partner who actually fulfils his emotional needs, and it’s enough for him.

Sex God Binghe with a harem of beautiful women who obey his every whim is very explicitly the bad ending. It’s about the inherent brokenness of a man who would seek something like this. Amassing hundreds of wives isn’t actually something that normal straight guys want to do; most straight guys (most people) are much happier with a loving partner who supports them and actually connects with them on a deep, personal level. So having Binghe, the ultimate stallion, be somebody who isn’t even attracted to women just drives home the final point even more that this is a doomed behaviour that could never have made him happy.

There’s so much tragedy in the fact that this is the only way Bing-ge ever learned to get even a resemblance of emotional fulfilment. I maintain that a lot of his wives probably did care for him, even if they could never have played the role in his life that Shen Qingqiu did in the SV timeline. Being a harem master was the only way Bing-ge knew how to make himself feel wanted. And it’s sad. It’s really, really sad. I like to think that his foray into the SV universe might have served as a wake-up call for him, that he might have realised everything he’d built wasn’t making him happy and tried to find something else. Unfortunately, Binghe has learned such bad coping mechanisms that it’s easier to picture him trying to build a portal back into the SV world to kidnap the nice SQQ than, like, doing the normal thing of going out and finding a cute farm boy to settle down with, but we can only dream.

TL;DR Women were the only people Binghe was able to form positive relationships with, but I’m just not convinced there’s any real evidence in canon that he was actually attracted to them.

This is long enough so I'll stop here, but I might share this earlier post of mine from someone asking about Binghe's feelings about SJ as it feels somewhat relevant. This essay can be shared on twitter here. Feel free to check out my meta tag for other stuff I've written, too! (at this point, I might just make a specific svsss meta tag and be done with it)

Thanks for the question, anon!!

[acewithapaintbrush]

Here is my "El Raton Perez" One-shot. For everyone who did not see the post: apparently in Colombia the tooth fairy is a mouse (sometimes a rat!). I saw that, had a desperate need for more cute Bruno and Antonio interaction, and here we are. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's happening. It's really happening. 

Antonio clutches the blanket tight to his chest. The spot in his mouth where his tooth is missing still aches a little, but that pain was pretty much forgotten the moment he heard the little squeaks coming from under his bed. 

When Mirabel had pulled a crying Antonio into her lap and had told him about El Raton Perez, the little boy with one tooth missing had immediately believed her. If there is anything he knows for sure, it's that his favorite prima would never lie to him. 

Mirabel is nice. The nicest! She sometimes teases, but only in a funny way. Not like Camilo, who is also nice and funny, but whose jokes sometimes are only funny for himself. 

Antonio believes Mirabel, he really does, but a rat that takes your tooth home and gives you money in return also kinda sounds too good to be true.

Well, El Raton Perez will probably bring Antonio candy, since money has long since lost its value here in the Encanto. But even better! The old coins Abuela sometimes gives Antonio so he can play with them are nice to look at and they make funny noises when you shake them in your fist, but Antonio usually gets bored of them rather quickly. 

Candy is much better. 

"Some think El Raton Perez is a mouse and some think he's a rat." Mirabel had told him just that afternoon. "I think it's a rat here in Encanto. We have a lot of rats, don't you think?" 

While Antonio had believed her, he'd thought that she may have been… what does his Papi always call it? Bamboozled. Tricked. 

Mira is the best, but she always thinks the best of everyone else as well. If someone had told her a lie about El Raton Perez, she would have believed them. She is not as mature as Antonio, with his four and a half years. That's why he has to look out for her. Like a big boy! 

But she was telling the truth! There is definitely a rat under his bed. 

The room is dark and he is alone in the nursery. Tia Julieta has forced Mira to have a sleepover with Isabela and Luisa to "strengthen their sisterly bonds.". 

Whatever that means, Mira hadn't seemed too happy about it, which is weird. Antonio loves his monthly sleepovers with Camilo. His older brother always declares that they will stay up all night, only to be the first one to fall asleep every time. It's always really funny. 

Antonio has no problems sleeping alone from time to time. Casita always watches over them, so there is nothing to be afraid of. But no matter his initial excitement about El Raton Perez, the scratching and squeaking from under his bed are a bit scary in the dark. 

He wants to see Senor Perez, but at the same time he kinda wishes the rat would hurry up and leave. 

Suddenly there is a weird sound outside his room. Some kind of hissing sound. Antonio bites his lips and pulls the cover higher up so only his eyes peek out. He wonders if he should call out for his Mama, when Casita opens his door a little. 

The hissing, which Antonio now realizes hadn't actually been hissing, but a voice going "psst psst psst" immediately stops. 

"He's in there, Casita?" 

Antonio doesn't recognize the voice, but Casita swings his door a little as if she's nodding. Whoever it is, Casita knows him. Antonio immediately relaxes. Casita loves them a lot. She would never let any harm come to them. 

"Miercoles." The voice mutters. After a short pause, someone creeps into the room. It's a man wearing a ruana with the hood up. Antonio can't see his face, only the mouth, which is pressed into a thin, displeased line. The stranger peeks at Mira's bed and then turns to Antonio's side of the room. The little boy closes his eyes and pretends to sleep. After a few seconds, Antonio can hear the man kneel down on the floor. He reopens his eyes into slits and observes the man pressing his cheek against the floor to peer under Antonio's bed. He looks kinda small and scrawny and Casita still doesn't ring any alarms, so he must be okay. 

Antonio sits up silently and leans over the side of his bed to get a better look. The man doesn't notice. 

"Pssst. Perry." The man whispers. "Bad rat, get out of there! I told you guys a million times that you are not allowed in the kids rooms." 

A big, grey rat shimmies out from under Antonio's bed. The man sits up and the rat jumps on his lap. He is frowning down at it and pokes it in the side. Antonio's curious eyes still go unnoticed. 

"No cheese for you for a week, young man." 

The rat squeaks sadly and Antonio can't take it anymore. 

"Oh, please no! He only wanted my tooth." 

The man almost jumps out of his skin. He scrambles backwards, still sitting on the floor, limbs flying everywhere. It looks so funny and Antonio can't help but giggle when the man bumps into the dresser and hits his head on it with a quiet "Ay!" 

Mama would scold him for laughing, but Mama is not here. 

The man clutches his heart and his breathing sounds ragged. "Dios Mio! Don't do that!" 

"Sorry." 

The hood is still obscuring the face, but Antonio can't help but think that something about the stranger looks familiar. 

"Who are you?" 

The man freezes. Mira always praises him for his instincts and empathy. Antonio thinks that the man looks scared. 

"I… Uhm…"

The rat squeaks again. It had held on to the ruana during the man's mad backwards scramble and is now climbing onto a narrow shoulder. Antonio looks at it, then at the man, then back at the rat. 

"Oh! Are you El Raton Perez's helper?" Mira hadn't said anything about a helper, but who else could the man be? 

"Am I… Huh?" 

"His helper!" Antonio pulls the tooth out from under his pillow and shows it off. "My tooth fell out. El Raton Perez came to get it."

The man slowly stands up. He hunches in on himself and steps closer to Antonio's bed. Maybe Antonio should feel intimidated by a stranger standing over him in the middle of the night, but the man is so careful, so hesitant. He supports the rat very tenderly while he walks and strokes a single finger over its little head. Something about the man makes Antonio trust him immediately. 

"Your first tooth already? Time flies, huh?" He sounds wistful and sad as he stares at the tooth in Antonio's palm. Antonio didn't mean to make him sad. 

But then the man seems to shake himself out of his sad mood and puts his hands on his hips. "But uhm, yeah! Exactly. I'm El Raton Perez's little helper. Good job figuring that out, Antonio." 

The little boy gasps. "You know my name?" 

"Oh well, of course. I.. I am his helper. I need to know our clients." 

"But why does he need a helper?" 

"He is very small. He can't open doors very well on his own. And someone needs to carry the teeth for him." 

"Oh…that makes sense." Antonio holds out his own tooth. "Here!" 

The man holds up his hands and shakes his head. "Oh no, I can't."

"But that's why you are here." 

"I… darn it." He slaps his own forehead. The hood shifts a little and just for a second Antonio can see green, kind eyes, before nervous hands pull it back down again. "I forgot the candy. Sorry." 

Antonio lowers his hand. He is a big boy. He is not gonna cry. "So I get no candy?" 

"I'm sure you will. Later? Probably?" 

He will not cry, he will not cry, he will not cry. 

"Hey hey hey." The man sounds like he is about to cry himself, which makes Antonio feel a bit better about his own childish sniffles. He gingerly sits down on Antonio's bed. For a second it looks like he wants to hug the boy, but then he just hugs himself. "Don't cry, Tonito. You'll get your candy. Just later. How about… how about you hold on to that tooth for now and I… I will tell you a story instead. To tide you over?" 

Antonio perks up immediately. He loves stories. Almost as much as candy. "You will?" 

"Sure kid. A short one, okay?" Perez's helper wrings his hands and looks towards the door. "Casita, you will warn me if someone-" He shoots Antonio a quick look. "You will warn me when it's time to go, right?" 

Casita waves soundlessly with the door. 

"Alright. Lay back, Tonito. There, that's good. Have you ever heard the story of the princess and the frog?" 

***********************************

Antonio falls asleep to the sound of a rumbling voice talking about adventure and love. Perez's helper is a very good storyteller. He makes different voices and he uses El Raton Perez himself to act out some scenes. He even allows Antonio to pet the rat. 

Just before he's completely asleep, Antonio thinks he feels the man pull up the blanket and tuck him in. Just like Mama and Papa always do. 

And then he's gone. 

****************************

The next morning his tooth is gone and in its place is a piece of candy. It's nice, but the story was even better. 

When he tells his Mama and Papa about Perez's helper, the two of them exchange that weird, grown up look they get sometimes, indulgent and amused. They praise his colorful imagination. 

"But my tooth is gone. He must have come back later!" 

And again that weird, amused, look. Like they know something he doesn't. 

He is in a bad mood, because no one will listen to him, until Dolores finds him in the garden and hugs him tight so she can whisper into his ears. 

"Perez's Helper is a secret, hermanito. The adults can't know." 

"You know about him too?" 

"Sure I do. How did you like the story about the princess and the frog? That was always my favorite." 

"I loved it!" Antonio cheers. He grows somber really quick though. "I wanted to hear more. Do you think he will tell me another one when I lose my next tooth?" 

"Who knows." For some reason, Dolores looks towards Tio Bruno's tower, the one Antonio is not allowed near. "If we are lucky, you won't even have to wait that long for a new story."

Antonio is not quite sure what she means, but he hopes she is right. 

He already misses El Raton Perez and his helper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll probably upload this to ao3 next week. Will let you know when that happens

[p-antomime]

just so fine.

— minors don’t interact

— wc: 4,7K

content + warnings: 18+, including: dilf!toji, manhandle, spitting, daddy kink, choking, unprotected sex, creampie, a bit of school girl!reader maybe, breeding kink, overstimulation, squirting, degradation, age gap, a bit of size kink, thigh riding

pairings: toji fushiguro x fem!reader

— note: this is a bit inspired by: Love Without Tragedy by Rihanna. — jjk masterlist.

Red lipstick and a broken heart trying to be concerted by the petals of your conscience and your friends who said that "he didn't deserve you anyway". And honestly, you didn't know where exactly you were getting the strength from to get out of bed that Monday and go take a shower before heading painfully to your first class in the morning.

He used to be the boy you loved with every cell of your body and soul, he stole the best years of your freshman life at the university, and now you were a senior who had neither the animation nor the patience to welcome the incoming freshmen that year. Despite having Kugisaki and Megumi fervently cheering you on while Itadori was too busy still dealing with the problem of sending documents to the college, your heart was still fatally wounded and your dignity no longer existed as your tears had wiped it off the face of the earth during that morning shower and you couldn't help but be tempted to put on makeup good enough to mask your dark circles under your eyes and downcast face.

"Are you coming today?", Nobara asked excitedly on the other end of the line as you were already leaving the house and taking the long way to college.

— Do I have the option of not going?

"No, of course not.", Nobara replied with a slight laugh that was well intended to cheer you up a bit, "We can have a movie night tonight, to cheer you up."

— At whose house? At mine that won't be, it's a mess. — You grumbled.

"At Megumi's or Itadori's, of course. During lunch I'll buy soda and food with Yuuji and you convince Megumi to let us break into his house today.”

— Why do I have to convince Megumi? You came up with the idea.

"Because I'll be busy, simple. And Fushiguro doesn't take me seriously.", and then you sighed heavily, already noticing that you were less than a block away from entering the college grounds.

— Okay, I see what I can do.

Kugisaki told you that she was waiting for you in the classroom, and you replied that you were already there. And then something distinctive caught your attention. It was strangely easy to spot something different in the landscape of the university entrance because usually it was always the same: university students rushing to settle personal matters or to classes they are late for, or also students who came to see what the college was like before the university application period.

But today was different. There was a tall man fully dressed in black and gray leaning against a motorcycle that looked as if it had been taken from an action movie because it was so well equipped and large. He looked relaxed, and yet he still possessed an aura that could kill you with a single punch. Attractive and devilishly dangerous with that leather jacket highlighting his strong arms and broad shoulders. Forcing your eyes a little, you could notice a scar close to one of the corners of his lips.

— What's the matter, little girl? — His deep voice reaches your ears, but your mind whispers to you that he probably wasn't talking to you at the same time that your heart starts to beat out of control and your head turns from side to side trying to check if there is someone behind you. — Yeah, I'm talking to you. — He smiled sideways.

— Uh... hmm... none, sorry. — Your cheeks started to heat up and you wanted to punch yourself in the stomach because usually a simple man couldn't disconcert you like that, and then your eyes fell on his collarbones, well marked by the black shirt he wore under his jacket, and your mouth suddenly felt too dry.

— What exactly are you apologizing for? — The man asked as he placed one of the helmets on the motorcycle seat, if there were two helmets maybe he brought some college girl? — For eating me with your eyes or staring at me? — And then you choked on your saliva and coughed desperately for air trying not to drop the folders in your hands and he seemed amused by your reaction.

— I-I... — Your fingers squeezed the folders and you had to look away to think straight. — I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I didn't mean to.

— I am not, it's great to be lusted after by younger girls. — He replied, but before he had a chance to continue his onslaught someone approached from the diagonal.

— Dad! — And then you choked again seeing that the one who was referring to the man in front of you as "dad" was Megumi. — Oh, Y/N? — He looked confused looking from you to his own father. — Anyway, they didn't have what you wanted at the pharmacy, next time you'll buy it yourself. — The young Fushiguro spoke to the older man, but seconds later, noticing the mortifying silence that settled over the place as you stared at his father, he spoke up: — And we are almost late already, let’s go, Y/N. — Megumi took one of your arms and started to guide you away from the motorcycle and closer to the interior of the college.

— You never told me you were interested in girls. — His father shouted more to embarrass his son than you, but the effect was the opposite, since you were the one with the burning cheeks.

— Shut up, Toji. — Megumi shouted back as he continued walking. — Did he say shit to you? — He asked you when the two of you were already walking down the halls to your classroom for the first class of the morning.

— Not really, no. He seems... fine. — You tried to talk as if you didn't have dirty thoughts running through your mind especially after remembering the older man's collarbones and scar, and still Megumi gave you an accusing look.

— Don't try to fuck my father, that's disgusting. - Your eyes widened.

— I wasn't thinking that, you idiot. — And then Megumi let out a loud laugh.

— I know, I was just trying to amuse you. — He shrugged and left you standing in front of the door. — See you at lunch?

— Yes, of course. — You answered, and then suddenly remembered Nobara's request on the phone earlier. Your hand held one of his arms so that he wouldn't walk away without listening to you. — Megumi, can we have a movie night at your place tonight? Nobara came up with the idea of doing this to cheer me up a bit. — He seemed to become suddenly tense.

— I'll have to at least let Toji know that there will be people coming home today. — Megumi answered vaguely and shrugged. — I'll send a message to Kugisaki and let her know if it's on or off.

Nodding your head positively, you gave your friend a slight smile, and then for the rest of the day your mind concentrated on paying attention to your classes, your scheduled seminars and the pile of work you still had to do. There was no time for your heart to pound with grief over the loss of your now ex-boyfriend, but there were several minutes when you had to chase away persistent thoughts of Megumi's dad. But looking at him wasn't enough, your hands wanted to explore his body and leave marks everywhere, that's what you thought until you felt ashamed, pushed the thoughts away for a few brief minutes and then thought about it again. In a vicious loop.

When you were having lunch with Itadori, Fushiguro and Kugisaki, your head tried to focus on their conversation as much as possible, but looking at the man with black hair and beautiful eyelashes reminded you of Toji and your hands started to break into a cold sweat. It had been a frustrating, tiring day, but secretly you were a little excited to see your friend's father again.

— Don't take too long, okay? — Nobara spoke after dropping you off and leaning against the hallway wall, and you nodded positively before going to your room to pack a backpack with some pajamas and an outfit in case you and the other two friends ended up falling asleep while you were at Megumi's house.

It didn't take long before you two were ringing the doorbell of the Fushiguro’s house and from the loud sound from inside the house you both could tell Yuuji had already arrived. Suddenly, Y/N felt nervous not knowing who would answer the door. Would it be Toji? "Damn", you thought as you saw exactly him calmly opening the door. This time he wasn't wearing very dark clothes, it was just gray sweatpants and a white v-neck shirt that still highlighted his beautiful collarbones.

— Is that them? — Itadori shouted from another room in the house.

— Yes. — Megumi, who was looking at the two girls standing in the doorway over Toji's shoulder, answered. — You may come in.

Toji moved to the side letting you two into the house and, using the personal excuse of being embarrassed, Y/N walked in with her head down. And partly, in fact, it was true that you were embarrassed, but your mind knew that your eyes wanted to take a good look at the older Fushiguro's thighs and cock. It was impossible not to look at those parts of his body, especially with that kind of pants.

But then Toji gave himself the right to go up the stairs to the upper floor of the house and out of your field of vision when Megumi asked you and Nobara which movie you wanted to watch and she answered that a drama movie. And then the four of you started to watch the movie comfortably, until you started to feel the straps of your own bra start to press painfully against the skin of your shoulders.

— Can I go to the bathroom? — Y/N asked Megumi, who pointed to the steps of the staircase diagonally across from the sofa.

— First door on the left. — You nodded and walked up the stairs carrying your backpack, intending to get rid of your bra and also put on the comfortable pajama top that had been brought.

From the hallway you could hear the low sound of another TV escaping through the gap in a tall door. It was probably Toji's room, such a thought raced through your mind, and you shrugged as you entered the bathroom, leaned against the door, and began to remove your bra and change into your shirt. It was inevitable to sigh in relief as you felt your shoulders less tense and sore and your hands groped your breasts just for the personal pleasure of feeling them free now.

— Hmm, may I come in? — A muffled voice was heard behind the door and instinctively you quickly removed your hands from your breasts.

— Just a minute. — Y/N answered, shoving the previously worn blouse into her backpack and almost running toward the door, slowly opening it.

You looked forward and found yourself facing a bare hard chest as you waited to see a long hallway with four different doors. Toji was now shirtless in front of you and your cheeks burned a little, which got a little worse when your brain short-circuited, your hand rested two fingers against the warm, somewhat soft skin of his chest, and you pulled away slightly so that you could look him in the eye.

— I'm sorry. — Your hand finished opening the door and there was again a sideways smile on Toji's lips

— Are you going to sleep here? — He asked, sliding his gaze over her shoulders, breasts and abdomen freely, without any embarrassment.

— No, actually. I just changed my shirt to be more comfortable.

— Got it. — Toji looked you straight in the eyes again, but yours were already gliding across his face until you found the scar close to his lips.

— How did you get this scar? — You felt the need to prolong the conversation just to get a better record of his face.

— You're pretty curious for someone apparently shy. — He remarked, his eyes sparkling with a gleam that you couldn't quite identify what it was. — When I was younger, we could say I wasn't the friendliest person in the whole world, so I got into a few fights. — Toji shrugged, as if this was not relevant information

How old are you? — A mischievous smile slowly drew on his lips.

— Old enough to be your dad.

"Then maybe I can call you Daddy", was the first thing you thought, but there wasn't enough courage in you to flirt shamelessly, especially with Megumi or the other two able to eavesdrop from downstairs.

— I think I've been here with you long enough. — Y/N answered, putting the backpack on her back and walking past Toji, but just as her feet were about to start down the steps, the older Fushiguro called her out.

— I think you forgot something, little girl. — You turned back in confusion, and in his hands was your bra. Toji threw the piece of clothing toward you through the air without much force to fall gently onto your palms that had opened toward him. — The next time you forget something like that inside my house, I'll keep it for myself. — You frowned, assuming that he was implying that there was possibly something between you and his son.

— Me and Megumi, we don't... — Your shoulders shook without your mouth finishing the sentence.

— I wasn't talking about him exactly, you're very naive, not that that's a problem for me. — He went into the bathroom and eventually you were alone again.

Feeling more embarrassed than the first time you had seen Toji earlier at the university entrance, you joined your friends again in the middle of the movie and were grateful that none of them had bothered to ask if anything had happened in the bathroom because of your delay. Eventually Nobara fell asleep on your shoulder after eating two pieces of the pizza Megumi had asked his father to buy, and Yuuji began to yawn almost pushing the son of the owner of the house off the couch.

— I knew they would both end up sleeping. — Megumi grumbled, pushing Itadori aside and getting up from the sofa. — There are two guest bedrooms upstairs, you and Nobara can use both of them and Yuuji sleeps with me, or one of you can sleep with me and the other and Itadori in the other bedrooms.

— I think it's better that Yuuji better sleep with you. — Y/N replied looking at Kugisaki, who was starting to fall off her shoulder.

And then Fushiguro woke the almost sleeping Itadori to go upstairs while he carried Nobara up the stairs and you accompanied him carrying both your and your friend's backpack. After tidying Kugisaki up in bed and getting Yuuji changed, Megumi spoke to you before leaving you alone in the guest room:

— If you feel hungry, you can go in the kitchen and get something to eat during the night. And, well, you already know where the bathroom is, and so does my room. If anything happens during the night, you can call me or him. — Megumi pointed to the door of Toji's bedroom, and you nodded positively.

And then you laid lazily on the slightly uncomfortable bed in the room and tried to relax. Almost, almost, sleep caught up with you, but your evil brain began to make you think about the fact that Toji was only a few miserable doors away, and the anxiety began to corrupt you rapidly, like a corrosive acid. But even though you wanted to go knock on his door, you forced yourself to sleep, especially since the day had been exhausting.

The next day, just like the rest of the week, Y/N didn't get to see Megumi's dad, and he didn't make much of a point of talking about his father either, after all, why would his friends be interested in him, right? All the other days of the week, her mind focused more on trying not to think about her ex-boyfriend and also not to think about Toji, just college business.... And then came the next Thursday of the successive week.

And there was Toji Fushiguro, leaning against his big motorcycle, but this time with only one helmet and different clothes. Honestly? You didn't know if you should go talk to him or not, if you should just walk right by or not. But, in the end, your mind tricked you into choosing the second option, and your feet awkwardly made their way to the college with your eyes struggling not to check the man's reactions.

— Can I have your number, little girl? — Toji asked in a tone loud enough for you to hear.

— What? — You looked away, wringing your hands nervously.

— I asked if I could have your number. — One of his hands swung his cell phone toward you.

The first thought that crossed your mind was, "What if someone sees us together and tells Megumi?", but honestly, Megumi probably wouldn't be interested in your sex or love life, even if it was with his father.

— Maybe, if you take me for a motorcycle ride today.

— You're wearing a skirt, are you sure you'd want to do that? — Toji suppressed a playful laugh. — You could have a ride somewhere more comfortable than my motorcycle today.

You narrowed your eyes and bit the inside of your cheek, realizing that you were entering dangerous territory in a game of seduction that Toji knew and played better than you.

— Will Megumi be at home?

— He has an internship today. — Toji replied, drumming his fingers on his helmet.

— Wait for me after four o'clock then. — You replied and walked back toward the college as you felt his eyes fixed on your ass.

Throughout the day you felt uncomfortably nervous and Nobara even asked you if everything was okay several times at different times. The only answer your mind formulated was a simple positive head movement, because honestly you felt embarrassed to be interested in a friend's dod, even though this father was extremely attractive and did not reject your shy and restrained advances. He was just so nice, fine.

Fine enough to make you press your thighs together to try to relieve the sexual tension as your legs walked towards the Fushiguro house. And when you got there, it didn't take long to see Toji opening the door wearing only black sweatpants. You went inside and closed the door, nervously watching the older man, who sat comfortably on the sofa in the living room and called out to you with his index finger. As you stopped in front of him, one hand patted his lap and the other was placed on your thigh covered by your skirt. Slowly, Y/N took her seat sitting on his covered cock.

— Why do you look so tense, hm? — Toji asked, squeezing your thigh without too much force and you moved slightly against his hip. — Are you a virgin by any chance? — Your cheeks heated up.

— N-No, you just make me nervous. — Y/N replied, shrugging slightly.

— Do I? — He pretended to be surprised as he slid his hand up her skirt and pushed his fingertips against her covered pussy. — Do I make you get your panties wet too? — Toji pressed his hips against hers and her hands rested on his shoulders for a few brief seconds.

— Fuck, yes. — You groaned, taking your fingers to the buttons of your shirt to undo them. — I've been thinking about you more than I should, I've been thinking about everything about you.

— So, why don't you show me how much you've been thinking about me, huh? — Fushiguro pulled her panties aside and stroked her pussy in slow circular motions while he brought his other hand to her face and pulled her closer to his. — Show me how much you want me and cum on my fingers like the dirty slut I know you can be. — His thumb slowly brushed over your lips and you opened them, your mouth filled by long fingers.

You grabbed his wrist close to your intimacy and guided two of his digits into your interior. And, fuck, they filled you so well. Toji's fingers were thicker and longer than yours, so the times he repeatedly curved them inside your cunt, their tips easily brushed and pressed that spot that made you roll your eyes having your body spasm with pleasure. "What a beautiful vision", the man would be thinking as he watched his beautiful college girl choking on his fingers while being fucked by the others.

However, he didn't move his hand against you much, meaning that he let you choose the pace and intensity, until you whimpered against his neck in a silent request for his fingers to move against you:

— Please, Toji, move your fingers. — Y/N said as she pulled away from Toji's digits that were preventing her from speaking and forced her hips against his hand.

— Can't you cum on your own? — He asked squeezing your chin to make you keep your mouth open. — Pathetic. — Toji spat on your tongue and closed your mouth to force you to swallow. — Pathetic slut. — And then he began to finger you in a relentless rhythm.

If Fushiguro wanted to make you cum in his hand, that's exactly what he got, and he even got a great view of your trembling body, your breasts rising and falling rapidly because of your rapid breathing and your head falling back in an intense pleasure you didn't know your body could achieve. While you were still clouded by ecstasy, his fingers snuck up to finish removing your panties and getting rid of your clothes covering your upper body. He wanted you only in your skirt.

— Look at my pet slut with her beautiful cunt leaking. — His fingers spread the folds of your pussy to see you twitching around just at his obscene words. — Just so nice. — Toji pressed the thumb against your sensitive clit and gave you a smirk before he sat you down on one of his thighs, began to move you there and also slowly stimulated your clit.

His body leaned down and his lips latched onto your breasts, sucking and licking them more intensely as your hips moved faster against his thigh. And occasionally Fushiguro would pull up her skirt and slap her ass hard enough to leave several finger marks across her skin; and it was on one of his slaps that a short, gasping, "Daddy" sneaked out from between your lips and hit Toji's mind as a twinge of intense pleasure coursed through his entire body.

— Say that again. — He ordered, grabbing her neck with the hand that had been slapping her ass before.

— Daddy... — Y/N groaned breathlessly as she continued to move her hips against Toji's thigh in a desperate attempt to cum again.

— Keep calling me that, be a good little whore for me. — His other hand continued to stimulate your clit, now at a more intense pace that managed to push you straight into the abyss of a orgasmic pleasure that you so desperately needed.

After that, Fushiguro held you still in place as he continued to press his fingers against your clit. He definitely wanted to bring you close to the level of almost passing out from so much lust running freely through your body, and so your legs instinctively closed around his hand. At the same time that you desperately needed to breathe because you felt like your lungs were burning from your intense panting, every fiber of your body was still clamoring for the stimulation that only Toji could give you at the moment, so it wasn't hard for him to force your legs open again with a sly smile on his lips:

— Come on, my pretty girl, give me everything you've got. — He made scissor-like movements against her walls and her hips automatically forced themselves against Toji's palm, even though her intimacy was already quite sensitive.

— Daddy, please... please, more, daddy... — Y/N sank her face into the curve of Toji's neck trying to stifle her own moans.

— What a great fuck toy you are. — His fingers curved and you gasped, feeling again that same pressure as before against your bottom that indicated that your third orgasm was approaching. — No matter how much I make you cum you keep asking for more.

And the more he moved his fingers frantically against your pussy, the more you felt your thoughts disappear completely and all that was left was only Toji Fushiguro, and his fingers, and the cocky smile he had no matter what the situation was. Those same fingers that made you squirt for the first time against his abdomen in a third, overwhelming orgasm and your cheeks heat up violently, especially after seeing Toji bring them to his lips looking more than just satisfied with his work with you. Fuck, you could fuck him several times, you could pass out from pleasure, and you still wouldn't ask him to stop or slow down with you.

— Think you can handle one more, pretty girl? — He asked, his hands reaching for his pants and underwear.

— Yes, Daddy. — Y/N tried to speak as firmly as possible with her heavy breathing.

Toji put one hand on your waist and the other on your chin and took the opportunity to pull you in for a kiss as he entered you slowly, which made you lose some focus on the kiss and moan against his mouth as your nails dug into the skin of his shoulders. He didn't let you get too used to the recent intrusion and started thrusting himself against you hard.

After leaving yours, his mouth slid down your neck and shoulders to leave sucking and biting the area before placing the hand that was on your chin on your neck. Eventually yours moans went from simple gasps and sighs to little "Daddy" that made Fushiguro's dick twitch against yours insides several times and grunts escape his lips.

— I will breed you like the desperate little whore that you are. — Toji stroked hard against you while squeezing your neck a little harder. — I bet you're going to love this, aren't you?

— Y-Yes, daddy, breed me, please. — Y/N moved her hips against his while maintaining eye contact with the older man's predatory eyes. — Fill me up completely, until I'm leaking.

Toji squeezed your waist tightly, tilted your body slightly until your hips arched a bit, and started a rhythm of thrusts against you that as a result made your mind go blank and your nails leave scratches on his shoulders. And your fourth orgasm didn't even take long to hit you almost as hard as the third because your whole body had been extremely sensitive for a long time; after fucking that man incessantly you would definitely be addicted to him, to his touch, to his dick, to his lips. Everything about him was addictive.

After making you cum for the fourth time, Fushiguro kept thrusting inside you until his cock forcefully contracted against you and filled you full of cum. By that point you had definitely become just a bunch of holes for him to fuck, and if your body wasn't already so sensitive you might want him to actually fill every possible place in your body with cum. When he withdrew his dick from inside your pussy, Toji pulled your hips up to watch the white liquid escape your entrance and used his fingers to push it into you again.

— Come here. — He patted his chest lightly, and you leaned your sweaty body against his as you lifted your head to look at him. His hands caressed your body and soon you found yourself being carried up the stairs. — I'm going to give you a long shower, and then I'll take you home. — Toji left a gentle kiss against your forehead, and you felt more comfortable than you really should have in his arms.

— Thank you, daddy. — You replied, and he couldn't suppress a satisfied smile.

And maybe from then on you continued to take advantage of the times when Megumi wasn't home or you weren't so busy with college to spend hours together.

[helioleti]

I've been rewatching ATLA several times lately and this time I especially ended up wondering a lot about Iroh and Ozai's past and characters in general. I just can't help but think it weird that Ozai is the ultimate trashbag of a humanbeing while Iroh ended up preaching harmony and peace. It just doesn't make any sense. These guys are brothers. They were brought up by the same parents, in the same fascist imperialistic nation, they were taught the same values growing up. You're trying to tell me the difference is that Iroh was destined to be the person he eventually came to be, but Ozai was just born evil? No, I don't think so.

I have two hot takes that I'm gonna elaborate:

1. Iroh had a guidance Ozai lacked

2. Ozai was the less favored son

(Disclaimer: I haven't read the comics yet so I don't know how deep they've already gone into this subject at some point. I'm trying to interpret and analyze the stuff that I got from the animated series only. If anything I say contradicts what has already been confirmed in the comics, feel free to correct me.)

Hear me out. Iroh wasn't born a saint. Everyone is aware of this, especially Iroh himself. He laid siege to Ba Sing Se for 2 years, costing the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom thousands of lives. Everyone knew that if the Fire Nation took over the capital, it meant almost ultimate victory for the Fire Nation. He even went as far as making a offhand sadistic jokes about burning the city to the ground in that letter to Zuko and Azula.

Iroh acknowledges it himself; He was a different man.

So what changed?

Yes, his son died. It broke and shattered him from the inside, making him drop all efforts to continue fighting in the war. To continue what had been his lifelong ambition, what he believed to be his destiny. He had a literal vision about taking over Ba Sing Se when he was a child, and that had been what he'd been pursuing ever since. But the death of his son managed to crumble all of that into nothingness. How is that possible?

Don't get me wrong. I think it's completely valid. I just don't understand how Lu Ten and Iroh could've had such a loving and caring relationship in the first place, when that's clearly something unusual among the royal family. Ozai burned and banished Zuko without a second thought, not to mention all the other shit he did to him growing up. Ozai didn't give two shits about Azula either, he only ever intended to use her as his weapon. Doesn't seem too surprising, if you ask me. Azulon didn't hesitate to demand that Ozai kill his own son if he wanted the throne. That's the man that raised Ozai, so it's just logical that Ozai learned that behavior and those values from his own father.

Even 9 year old Azula thinks it laughable that Iroh would fall apart at the death of his son. She is a child and this is how she thinks. The reason Zuko doesn't think like this is because he's had the guidance of his mother, unlike Azula. This is the kind of mentality these kids grow up with. They grew up with war and so did Iroh and Ozai.

So why was Iroh's relationship with Lu Ten so different? Where did Iroh experience the kind of compassion and love he passed on to his own son, that Ozai definitely didn't? People act on how they've come to learn, so where did Iroh learn to care about his son to a point that it made him give up on his lifelong ambition?

Let's review a very crucial information we have on Iroh and Ozai as siblings: They have a huge age gap.

Frankly, I'm guessing about 10-20 years. Looks more like 20 to me, but that could also be Iroh's greater amount of endured pain and war making him look older than he actually is. But no one can deny that an age gap is definitely there. Which can also indicate they had different upbringings, despite having grown up in the same family as brothers.

What does this mean? Well, that's just me theorizing now, but I can definitely imagine that Iroh had someone, a family member maybe, there for him who wasn't around or didn't care to be when Ozai grew up. There must've been someone there who gave Iroh emotional security and guidance throughout his upbringing. Who? That's up to imagination. A friend of the family? A friendly uncle? His own mother ((or father))? (The last two things worked out for Zuko in the end, didn't they?) Otherwise I can't really explain myself why Iroh had enough values to love the way he loved Lu Ten, while Ozai clearly didn't give two fucks about his children at any point in his life.

Iroh was the firstborn son, the one who had a vision very early in his life that his destiny was to take over Ba Sing Se. Probably the one who got to have a family member care about him enough to show him how to love.

(I like to point this out a lot because I find it very interesting, and very significant. Please A:TLA give us more info on Iroh's past!!)

Which brings me to my second take: Ozai was the less favored son.

Iroh was clearly a son to be proud of. He was a master firebender, the "Dragon of the West", if you will. He apparently had a vision as a boy that he'd conquer the most "impenetrable city" in the world. He probably lived up to his parent's expectations for his whole life, especially having no sibling to be compared to for a significant part of his life. He broke through the outter wall of Ba Sing Se during his siege. Yada yada yada, you get my point. He's the best son they could've wished for.

And Ozai? As far as I know, he barely even has any military achievements. Taking over Ba Sing Se was Azula's doing. While Iroh laid siege to the capital, he was at home chilling in the palace. He's the younger brother to an established hero and was never meant to be firelord. Now, I haven't read the comics for more info on Ozai's biography, but this man barely had a chance to live up to his parent's standards with Iroh as an older brother. If my theory is correct, Ozai also didn't have any person to provide him emotional guidance throughout his life. (*cough* like Azula)

The logical outcome is: infinite jealousy.

And when Ozai suggests to Azulon that he revoke Iroh's birthright to become firelord, this is Azulon's answer:

Azulon doesn't even hesitate to call Ozai out on his bullshit. He doesn't hesitate to take offense at the suggestion of betraying Iroh, and he even seems to care about Iroh's suffering. Not to mention that Azulon is overall annoyed with Ozai's request for an audience and sends the rest of Ozai's family away as soon as he can, to get whatever it is Ozai wants over with.

I could also mention the fact that Ozai tried to impress Azulon with his daughter's skills (Azula, even named after him) and the overall strained relationship these two seem to exhibit. It's obviously very different from Azulon's relationship with Iroh, if the way he talks about said man is anything to show for.

What if Azulon treated Ozai the same way Ozai treated Zuko? (Probably without the physical abuse, but you get my point.) What if this is where Ozai learned to treat a "useless" kid like shit, maybe also in a way to cope with how he was treated himself?

Getting deeper into the fact that Ozai is rather a loser compared to Iroh, without any big military achievements and without value for anything beyond that, this also explains a lot about Ozai's constant need to establish his dominance.

First; Becoming Firelord through radical manners (you know, killing his own son or killing his own father)

Second; Publicly burning and banishing his own son whom he considers a weakling, who dared to speak up in his war room. Doing this to have everyone know that he doesn't associate himself with weakness and that he will not ever tolerate any form of disrespect.

Third; The whole Phoenix King act. No one can tell me this isn't a madman's doing. This is literally to show off that he is the most powerful person in the world.

Ozai is so obsessed with proving himself and his superiority to everyone, including himself and probably Iroh too. This makes most sense if we consider that he probably lived in his brother's shadow for his whole life, ignored by probably every guiding figure he's ever had in his life, maybe even considered a laughingstock by his own father.

Perhaps this is also the reason Ozai didn't have any problem with Iroh accompanying Zuko in banishment. His brother, the hero in whose shadow he grew up, and his son, the failure he'd wanted out of the way for a long time already. It would erase Iroh's image that made him superior to him, once and for all. For himself and the world. I believe that branding him a traitor was the biggest satisfaction Ozai had ever experienced in his life.

I absolutely despise Ozai with every fibre of my heart, but it amazes me how ATLA continues to leave so much room for interpretation and explanation for a character as despicable as him. Writing this, even had me feel sympathy for him at some point. Feel free to disagree with me or add anything, I'm eager to hear everyone's thoughts about Ozai and Iroh's backstories because I'm geniuinely very curious.

[dreaming-twist]

2. WEB

Some random oneshot for TwstOBer ~ Enjoy please xD

“Sebek, you need to find some other hobby. Do you want to try playing with my PC?”

“Human inventions that have nothing to do with magic? Hmpf! Sounds disappointing.”

“Well, well, at least give it a try, okay? It maybe surprises you.”

“... If you say so, Lilia-sama...”

That was how it all began. A simple proposal from Lilia had been his first and until now last contact with that world. And he still didn't know how he had gotten to the point where he was right now.

That day, in Lilia's PC, he found a program on the web that caught his attention. "Pass on your thoughts or knowledge!" It said. Sebek arched an eyebrow, and ended up creating an account outnof curiosuty with the first nickname that came to mind (Best Bolt) until he came across a recording function. Then he realized what this must be.

“I understand. It should be something like a journal, but instead of writing it by hand, you speak directly to it. Interesting invention, not bad for humans...”

And then, after clearing his throat and hitting the 'Record' button, he began to speak.

“... Hello? ... I don't know how this works, but I will try to adapt. This is my first time using one of these... inventions. It's interesting, but... Hm? Wait, why is there a light that is blinking on the side? Okay... I'll try to fix it. I don't know how the recording is turned off...”

Sebek began to investigate what happened to the computer, and in that time he wasn't seeing suddenly the counter of 0 that appeared on the side of the recording screen went up to 1, then to 2, and thus it began to rise. increasingly.

Once he finally fixed it, he returned to his starting position.

“Done. It was not a problem for me. What could I talk about today... Huh?”

As he was thinking, he suddenly saw an alert glow red on the screen, next to a speech bubble. Sebek brought the mouse to it and opened it, finding the words: "You can talk about anything you want."

“I understand. It even gives you suggestions... What a useful program... I'll talk a bit about myself in that case.” Despite this, Sebek decided not to speak the names of anyone he named... for his own sake. He didn't want to be embarrassed later if he listened to his own diary... “Right now I don't live with my family, so to speak. It's not that I get on badly with them at all; I went away to study and to fulfill my duties and my work. So now I'm living somewhere else, surrounded by... ahem, people. However, the ones I am closest to are... the family of a person I have known since childhood.”

He leaned back in the chair.

“One of them treats me almost as if I were his son, and sometimes I think he cares too much about me and pampers me too much. He has taught me so many things, and I feel that every day I learn a little more from him. I respect him a lot... although he sometimes takes advantage of me and plays practical jokes on me. I don't know if he wants me to feel comfortable and enjoy all of this despite being away from my family... or he just wants to play with me. He left me all this... equipment to test it and 'have fun'. Hum. I think once again he was right. His advice is always helpful.”

He made a mental note that he should thank Lilia.

“And then there is... the one who is the only person my age who has always been by my side. He is a very decisive... person, and too calm, I'll say. That is what makes him fail so much in many things. However... he is the person I have been with the most since children, and despite his failures and the fact that we argue so many times... he is very important to me. We do not consider ourselves nor have we called ourselves 'friends' before, rather it is that in addition to being one of the same rank as me, he is my rival and someone I like to continually surpass. I think he may feel the same way.”

For some reason he was saying things that surprised even him. He had never spoken so openly about Silver. How was this happening? Was he so comfortable talking to himself...?

“And there is someone else, who is who I am doing all this for and for whom I strive every day. He is the most incredible being I have ever met. Always correct, with the greatest power I have ever seen, diligent, perfect... It is directly my reason for being, I am SURE of it. I want to become stronger for him and be by his side to serve him whenever he needs me. I'm lucky that someone like him recognized my worth. He is my role model... Although...”

He bit his lip.

“... I think I'm not good enough to help him, protect him, and still be worthy. But I will be. Not because I started showing results later than others am I going to give up. That is something I am not going to do. I want to make the world see that I can become the best in my course... No; the best ever. And prove that he was not wrong with me. It doesn't matter where you come from, whose son you are, or if your power came to light sooner or later... WHAT REALLY MATTERS IS YOUR PASSION, AND STRIVE EVERY DAY TO KEEP WALKING!”

After blurting that out with a big smile and clenched fists, he soon realized that he had lost his composure a bit. He returned to his starting position, clearing his throat.

“... Ahem. For now I feel like I'm on the right track to achieve that goal. The first step is to be the best in my course. Or so I think. The people I... hang out with, from the same course as me are... peculiar. There is one who seems to be pursuing the same goal as me. But he still has a lot left. I notice conviction in his words but I don't see any improvement in his studies. However, he is stronger than I expected at first, and he excels at P.E. There's another... thing who wants to become the best too, but... I'm not even going to talk about him. That one is a lost case. There are two more who instead appear to be quite normal, but one only seems to have an interest in one thing, and the other... honestly, I don't know what to think of him, but he's very strong. And besides the four of them there is a... person who does not seem to want to improve on anything at all. Or rather, he doesn't seem to have an interest in it. But he is not an idiot, rather he seems like one, and I have learned from other sources that when he proposes it to him, he is capable of being the best student in his class. Perhaps he is the most suitable to call him a 'rival' among them. Although as long as he continues to seem so bored of everything that comes his way, there should be no problem... He also shouldn't like me too much. Although he keeps talking to me. He is an interesting guy.”

Sebek then took a breath to talk about the last person he was missing, after talking about Deuce, Grim, Epel, Jack and Ace.

“And lastly there is this… ahem, person, that came along all of a sudden. They doesn't have the capacity to be here, but they somehow got in and we're on the same course. When I learned of their existence, I felt that I had tried very hard to get here, while they had a special ability, although not the one that everyone else possesses, was able to enter without problems. It was unfair. I have ever thought that they were making fun of everyone.” He paused. For some reason, even though he had blurted it out, he didn't feel good about himself... Was that the whole truth...? It was then that he recalled certain moments that he spent with them from then on. “... But they are very clumsy. I feel like I have to be there to hold them if they falls. Studying with them is not unpleasant, they are capable to follow my advice and understand things quickly. I do not dislike those who strive to achieve their goals...”

Another notification appeared on the side of the screen. Sebek stopped speaking, a half smile adorning his face, and looked at the message, taking advantage of the stop in his monologue. Would it be another suggestion from the program...?

“How beautiful is love.”

The boy jumped.

“WHAT?! NO!!” He yelled at the screen, totally flushed. “H-How can a program say these things?! This is a joke?!”

The notifications came out again and Sebek managed to read some.

“Program? What are you talking about man?”

“Hey, there is nothing wrong with you liking someone, I support you!!!”

“Is Story Time over? I was really enjoying listening to you, Best Bolt”

“I have become a fan of yours! Will you talk about more things another day?”

“Your words are very inspiring!♡”

“Best Bolt u r the BEST!”

Sebek began to check the screen, and saw that next to a symbol that represented an eye appeared the number "5000".

5000... eyes?

WERE THERE 5000 PEOPLE LISTENING TO HIM AT THAT TIME ?!

“Hey. Did you listen to Best Bolt the other day on this popular app with podcasts that premier live?” Ace asked, as he ate his burger.

Sebek stopped eating when he heard that.

“No, but I have heard people talk about him to class people. He seemed interesting” Said Epel.

“I had listened to podcasts, but few that talked about personal life... And he spoke so calmly and in such a sincere and focused way... I wish I could do something like that” Deuce commented. Epel smiled at him, he felt the same way.

“I don't know who you're talking about” said Jack confused. (Y/n) and Grim were just like him.

“He cut the recording suddenly the other day, something may have happened to his PC... But hey, if he comes back I'll let you know for sure.”

Sebek ate without saying anything, next to them, who were talking so happily about Best Bolt, until...

“Sebek, youuuu... well, I don't even know why I ask, in Diasomnia you all are very old-fashioned, right? You don't use technology much... except Lilia-senpai.” Ace started to say, looking at him.

Sebek tried to avoid him as best he could.

“HUH?! A-Ah... No, n-no, I don't have interest in that kind of human-made things...”

“Heee... Well, I'll let you know when Best Bolt comes back anyway. Maybe it surprises you.”

“Y-Yes, okay, thank you” He replied, looking away... where he met the watchful gaze of (Y/n), quite close to his face.

“Sebek, are you okay?”

That was the last straw. Sebek quickly rose from his chair.

“PERFECTLY! AND NOW IF YOU ALL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO SEE HOW THE YOUNG MASTER IS!”

And with that said, the boy ran towards the exit, while everyone else looked at him.

“... Hey now that I think about it, doesn't Best Bolt look a bit like Sebek? That way of speaking, and everything he said...”

“Ha, ha. Good one, Deuce.”