#'they're good zombies' I was assured

[6qubed]

so I finally stopped procrastinating and finished Dying Light 2, and I gotta say, whoever thought "hey, how could we make Virals worse without making them Volatiles? OH I KNOW let's make them soggy suicide bombers!"

well that's a hell of a way to improve on the formula, but I have a different suggestion for improving things, it's called "get in the woodchipper"

[curse-of-dming-strahd]

there are so many things in Strahd's "how to do combat good" section I want to pick at but let's start with some of my notes on his spell list

Mage Hand: Sometimes Strahd is lazy and doesn't want to pick things up. Combine with Greater Invisibility for shenanigans.

Prestidigitation: This is for instantly cleaning whatever drink some PC has tried to throw in his face.

Ray of Frost: The damage is ok but more importantly as long as he hits, the target's speed is reduced by 10 with no save, very nice.

Comprehend Languages: If my party gets clever and tries to talk in code or something I think he can pop this off to fix that.

Fog Cloud: Imposes disadvantage to attack for everyone in the cloud, does technically break line of sight. so against a higher-level party I think this is to give his allies a chance to get out of melee without having to waste an action disengaging (still a gamble), or use this if he's out of Invisibility, or toss this in a room the party is trying to bunker up in, forcing the party to decide between sitting in a disadvantage cloud, wasting time dispelling it, or leaving their safe space.

Sleep: On the worst possible roll and aimed at only one target, this is guaranteed to affect a creature with 5HP or less. It averages about 20-22HPs but that number's not assured. Best use is putting someone on watch to sleep at early levels, or targeting low HP NPCs where he actually wants to avoid doing damage, like Ireena.

Detect Thoughts: Fantastic for interacting with NPCs in a non-violent encounter but it's an obvious casting and only lasts for 1 minute so he's got to be strategic about casting ahead of time.

Gust of Wind: Priority should go to Mirror Image because Gust of Wind is not guaranteed to succeed, but if a player is dumb enough to stand within 10 feet of a 100ft drop I say go off queen (off the side of a building, GOODBYE)

Mirror Image: CAST ASAP the only thing worse than one Strahd laughing at you is four Strahds laughing at you and it's not a concentration spell.

Animate Dead: listen everything at 3rd level is going to have to compete with Fireball. but possibly might be worth it to give him something to do with his bonus action if Animate Objects isn't working out. skeleton with a ranged attack and partial cover is better than zombie that'll get ripped apart in melee immediately. he's got to keep that skelly within 60ft though. and if the party takes Counterspell it's.... listen this slot's probably going to get used for Fireball.

Fireball: FIGHT OPENER. CAST CENTERED ON SELF. EAT 30 DAMGE FOR BREAKFAST. FALL THROUGH THE FLOOR LAUGHING. HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT WELCOME TO HELL MOTHERFUCKERS IT'S FIREBALL. but seriously cast early when the floor isn't crawling with allies and then reserve one 3rd level spell slot for when the party has killed off most of his allies. doesn't require line of sight so he can cast this from a separate floor.

Nondetection: Might use this if the party gets tricky or he needs to hide something he stole from them but on Boss Fight Day this slot goes to Fireball and that's just how things have to be.

Blight: I mean this is basically Fireball with worse range, only one target, and it makes all your houseplants die.

Greater Invisibility: God the shenanigans I could get up to with Invisible Strahd. Oooh the possibilities. Ooooh they're so delicious. Anyway fuck yeah this spell rocks. Get out of sight, go invisible. Think Rahadin is bad? Now he's invisible! NIGHTMARE HORSE? WHAT HORSE? I LOVE THIS SPELL OK

Polymorph: I want to love polymorph but if they make their wisdom save you've wasted a slot you could have used to make yourself invisible. I can't even pretend he'd be gay and use this to help Rahadin one of his nebulous allies turn into a bird to get away from certain death or something bc it's a concentration spell so if the spell drops early it's like well fuck he got 50ft and then turned back into a guy :/ He ain't above turning a low-level PC into a bat though. That'd be fun.

Animate Objects: POP OFF IMMEDIATELY get that action economy on your side, animate a gargoyle, a suit of armor, and like 6 candelabras you tacky bitch. Again, gives him a bonus action and as long as he stays within 120ft he's solid. Earlier is better because later in the fight he needs that concentration for Greater Invisibility.

Scrying: I mean non-combat obviously but he's using this every damn day to spy on the party through NPCs he's familiar with that he knows are near the PCs, or locations he knows they're staying in. I'm sure that's his like, before-bed routine. Brush his teeth. Exfoliate. Scry on the party. Soothing.

[dronebiscuitbat]

Give me a Reason: Chapter 20 -"All Eyes on Me"

When Uzi sat down in her homeroom the next morning, it was like trying to wade through thick oil. She'd gotten three hours of sleep, tops. And it showed.

She was dazed and paying even less attention then usual, her eyes felt like lead and everything felt varying degrees of tingly, not to mention her side still hurt dully.

“Where's your boyfriend?” Came from the person sitting in front of her, “Isn't he normally here by now?”

Uzi blinked confusedly, her brain misfiring several times before the sentence processed correctly.

“Who?”

“The guy who always sits next to you? He is your boyfriend, Right?”

Holy flying fuck, she was talking about N.

“N? No! He's not my boyfriend! We're just freinds!” Her voice raised almost immediately, where the hell was that coming from?

“Really? Huh…” The girl turned back around, going back to being an unimportant background character and Uzi continued to blink in confusion.

Her and N? Yeah, they'd been talking, they were freinds. Definitely, but there wasn't any reason anyone would assume they're dating.

Speaking of the golden boy, he walked in, shuffling a bit like a zombie and sitting in his seat with a half smile, his hair being a touch more messy then usual.

“Oh my god, you look like a wreak dude…” She laughed at his disheveled appearance, and he responded with a much more tired version of his signature smile.

“Haha! That's okay! I was talking to you!” He assured. “That's worth some sleepiness.”

Her heart fluttered again, warmth flooding her cheeks before both dissipated quickly.

“Ew. Consideration.”

N laughed quietly. “Is that also gay?” He lifted an eyebow with a slightly smug look.

She snorted, having to cover her mouth to stop from being too loud, the word leaving his mouth catching her completely off gaurd.

She giggled like a schoolgirl “Yes, absolutely.”

“Darn.” He giggled as well. “Can't escape it.”

When Mr. Brown started speaking, they both turned to the front, though Uzi wasn't really paying attention, instead looking down and scrolling through social media.

When she came across a video.

A video she was in.

It was of yesterday, at the end of the day, where'd she'd passed out and N had apparently caught her.

Yeah, he definitely did. And then proceeded to lift her effortlessly in a princess carry and lovingly check her for injuries, before gently setting her in the car like she was made of glass.

It was the caption that sold it though.

Get you a man that treats you like this!

It was like several of her worst nightmares getting together and having an abomination of a child.

The worst part, it had several thousand views. Meaning most- if not the entire school had seen it.

She scrolled through the comments obsessively.

Hope she's okay!

Lucky Girl! He's hot!

Ew, those piercings don't suit her. He can do better.

Goth GF! Goth GF!

She found herself frowning, most of the comments were fine, wishing “the goth girl" well. But some were jabs on her appearance, and those always seemed to be louder.

“Uzi? Uziiii?” N's voice brought her out of her thoughts, cocking his head worridly. “You good? You've kinda been staring at your phone.”

“I-I’m fine. You weren't talking to me were you?”

“I asked how you were feeling. Any pain?” He smiled softly, eyes filled with care. Tingles prickled up her neck once more.

“Meh… it's better.” She said honestly, just as the bell rang and they had to part ways, he looked a little sad at that.

“Take it easy today! See you in English!” He gave another goofy salute before grabbing his bag and running off to his next class.

She smiled, returning it with a goofy little two fingered salute of her own. When she looked around though… people were looking at her, with sly grins and smiles of knowledge they thought they had.

The smile was quickly demolished in the face of this unwanted attention, and she pulled her beanie tighter against her head as she walked out… feeling eyes on her back.

[uhohbestie]

There Are Monsters Nearby [Chapter 38]

🏜 Pairing: Grian/Scar

🧟‍♂️ Tags: zombie AU, zombie apocalypse, lovers to exes, slow burn, eventual reconciliation

📖 Summary: The day after Scar breaks up with Grian, the dead come back to life. Knowing that venturing out alone is a death sentence, the sudden onset of the apocalypse forces them to stick together despite their tensions. In the wreckage of the world, they're forced to survive side-by-side, coming to terms with the fact that—try as they might—there's still no one they trust more than each other.

Chapter 38 - Scar and BigB finally have a chance to talk. Scar also does some target practice. Grian is not invited.

📝 Words: 13,351

🔗 Link: Read Chapter 38 on AO3

—

“Let’s not waste time and ammunition,” he continues. “I know I’m a good shot.”

The assurance feels strange but not bad. Like a tailored shirt that still needs the cuffs and buttons put in properly. It clearly catches Cleo’s attention, their eyebrows raising as they exchange a wordless look with Etho.

“That’s not really how we do things here, Scar—” She begins, but their next words are cut off as Scar puts his hand out, reaching towards Etho and his pistol.

Without an argument, Etho hands it over. The pistol feels different in Scar’s hand, though no less familiar than any other firearm he’s used. Without waiting to warm up or check its sights, Scar turns it towards the hanging target, still swinging from when Etho shot it.

The trigger pulls back and another shot echoes through the trees, disturbing a pair of steller’s jays that begin squawking at them from the upper branches.

The target continues its pendulum swing, boosted wildly by the energy of the bullet that collided with it. It takes a second for Cleo to catch it, having to nab it out of the air in order to study the result of his shot.

Scar doesn’t mean to brag, but he does feel a burst of pride when he sees it: the slug of his bullet, buried in the exact same niche that Etho’s shot had created.

Etho whistles low, chuckling right after, and Scar grins, beaming wide when Cleo looks his way. To their credit, they’re also smiling, shaking their head in a manner that reads more amused than anything else. Clicking the safety back into place, Scar extends the pistol back out to Etho, who takes it easily and places it back in his holster.

“Am I ready now?” Scar asks. He knows it’s cocky of him, but he can’t help but be a little bold, knowing he’s more than proved himself.

[ read more ]

—

A brand new chapter of TAMN to finish off the week! A nice Scar POV too, for those who have been so patient <3 (And a reminder that the TAMN Discord is thriving! Feel free to join for chapter talk and memes, or even just to lurk!) Thank you, as always, for your tremendous support of our fic!

You can read the whole fic thus-far in the link below ↓↓↓

You may not rest now, There Are Monsters Nearby (on ao3!)

[frango-maconheiro]

wow, wow, interaction.

also, there's a stupid meaningless ramble i made out of this incredible petpeeve of mine with EW x reader stuff and it's just down the cut sggkjdfjkk (it's fr just me being extremely salty)

Anyway, hello!

Haha, my curious and lonely ass really thought it was a clever idea to read 'eddsworld x reader' content because it spawned in my timeline.... thinking that maaaybe they actually got good at it and made not too ooc stuff (this is heeeeaavily on matt content)

Now, i am profoundly remorseful of that choice because when i wrote this hours ago woth no wifi, i was arguing with the air.

Like, i won't lie on this. EW x reader.. They have evolved, a loooot since those 2017 fanfics (why were the x yn fics from eddsworld all copy-paste back then???) actually, it really surprised me because i definitely don't have the most cool memories of such fanfics,, Buuuuut, they still have that STUPID FAVORITISM. IT'S SO DAMN APPARENT. YOU THINK WE CAN'T SEE IT???

i get madder from down this line, especially since i was veery hungry when writing this. That's why you should always stay fed, keeps you slightly happier.

nhamnhamnhamm, writes aaall cool stuff for edd, tom 'n tord... maybe with an ooc here and there, but enough to ignore,, but matt? Matt gets so ooc, he can be mistaken for an oc if no name is given.

like,,, did.. did we watch the same dude on screen? i know he was pretty neglected in content, but cmon, what is that?? He's practically a romance repellent with his stupidity (said affectionately)

it's the same 'pipipipopopo just a sweet mama's boy' and 'ooo, he's sooo romantic, look at how much of gentleman he is compared to otheeeers' and 'whaao he so silly ::3 *treats him as if he weren't an adult character' and so much more, all in this weird stereotype

I guess i'm just disappointed,,, all because he just, idk, still feels downright boring compared to how the other 3 are written in these kind of fanfics even thought it's 2024 already and not still 2017-2020 (don't even get me started on the weird fixation on making yn extremely specific which fr also makes me crawl away like a wet cat from EW reader interactive content, they don't even put tags of the gender, aaaaaargh).

y'all definitely have more content of him to write than just the saturation of him painting your nails, or going shopping, or acting like he's the center of the world 24/7, or making him the pure lil' angel, or having his memory issues being downplayed as him acting 'so silly lil' silly', i assure you.

When i tell you i got so invested in this useless anger i mean that i got compelled into writing down a bunch of matt x reader to try and give that man a cooler image,,, and i don't even see him that way (nor any of the characters.) , but GOD ARGHHHV I NEED JUSTICE FOR HIM.

i might be just a lil' hot headed while writing this whole stuff, but this bro got stripped out of BOTH his classic and his modern funky personality in 99% of these fanfics and nobody bats an eye, like, ever, unless they're another fan of the character. Free my ginger rat, pleeeeaaaaseee.

I need any weirdo, edgy, funky, unusual, vampire, zombie(heavily on you zombie matt my beloved), slasher, funny, whack matt written content that is not only interactive BUT friendly to all readers...

i don't even care what Matt is written, modern, or classic. Both types have their own weirdo charm, and i am willing to analyze them for a nice oneshot or spitball post.... where you don't get to a restaurant/picnic and receives flowers and it ends like that, without any more depth of such cute cliche fluff it is, and leaving you like you just licked off the scraps of a dessert from a plate given to you, so damn hungry 'n wishing you had eaten an actual dessert instead of whatever that was.

[freya-fallen]

Little Dove 3/?

Part 1 Part 4

TWs for this part: smoking, manipulation, grooming

Dabi knows what he's doing is wrong. He's not blind to his own backwards morality. In fact, he revels in it. He's murdered without a second thought, for no more than a flash of annoyance. He's a consummate monster. 

But this… the plans shaping up for Hawks’ sweet little sister are truly demented. They're sick, twisted, the sort of evil that leaves a stain and never washes out. He can't wait to share what the hero will do. No doubt, Hawks will try to defend himself. Endeavor will find out what his lost son made the hero do, and he will be filled with disgust for both his son and his second. 

It's all due to an accident of fate. Hawks losing his phone was the best thing to happen to Dabi. Thanks to the idiot’s affectionate contact name for his sister, Dabi was going to trap the two birds in a cage of his own twisted design. 

You and Dabi text every day after that. He’s funny in a dark, sardonic sort of way, but you suppose that’s normal for someone in his line of work. He convinces you to meet up the following weekend. You’re nervous to meet him again. 

You’re also worried about Keigo finding out, but your brother is absent in the few days leading up to your “date.” You don’t think it can properly be called that because it’s not as if he likes you, right? He’s just being nice to his peer’s little sister who never gets out.

Either way, you’re super excited. You spend entirely too much time picking an outfit, lamenting your lack of girlfriends to ask for advice. Last time he saw you, you looked like a kid. You were in your school uniform. This time, you want him to see you looking more adult.

Eventually you settle on a black t-shirt and jeans, both of which hug you flatteringly. You wear black shoes good for walking just in case, and even put on what you consider an artful application of makeup. You think you look much more mature like this, though the butterflies in your stomach belie your cool facade.

Soon enough, you trek to the cafe where you agreed to meet. Dabi is already sitting back in one of the outdoor seats. He nods in acknowledgement and his eyes flick over you; you flush at his clear appraisal, and wish you could figure out what he’s thinking. 

“C’mon,” he says, rising to throw an arm around your shoulders.

He’s so warm and the scents of smoke and tobacco waft from him, as well as something that else that reminds you of fiery nights, but you can’t quite pick out why. It doesn’t matter; the smell isn’t necessarily bad.

“Where are we going?” 

He steers you toward an alley and a writhing mass of darkness appears. “This is a friend’s quirk. It’s safe,” he assures you as you step through. You cling to him through the darkness and he squeezes you close.

When you come out the other side, you’re in a small apartment. It must be his place. There’s a futon, a mini fridge, a sink, what you guess is the lavatory, but the focus is a decent sized flat screen hooked up to a few different consoles. A cardboard box is filled with folded clothes, but that’s the extent of the furniture. It’s like he just moved in.

“I figured we should hang and get to know each other,” Dabi says by way of explanation. He sprawls on the futon and gestures for you to join him, turns on the television, and begins scrolling through apps via one of the consoles. “Do you game?”

You shift from foot to foot before finally taking a seat on the edge of the futon. “A little.” Most of the games in the apartment were chosen by Keigo and you’re not big on those.

He nods. “What d’ya like to watch? I’ll put something on.”

“I don’t know, I watch pretty much anything.”

His head rolls toward you and he deadpans, “I’ll put on some porn.” Your expression must be comical because he bursts out laughing. “Relax, I’m not trying to break you.” He settles on Netflix and sticks on some Korean show about zombies. “This one’s pretty good.”

You nod, actually familiar with the show. “Oh yeah, I like this show. It gets pretty dark though.”

You watch and slowly become more comfortable, leaning back on a pillow propped against the wall. You’ve almost forgotten to be awkward by the time you see fumbling out of the corner of your eye and you glance toward its source.

Dabi has taken down his mark and sports a cigarette between his lips. The bottom one is charred, scarred all the way down into his t-shirt. He lifts a brow at you, then flicks up a finger. A blue flame dances atop it. He uses that to light the cigarette. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“You have a fire quirk?” It’s about the dumbest thing you can say, but he nods. 

“Yep. And you can thank that for all these fuckin’ scars. Pretty, huh?”

The thing is, if it weren’t for the scars, you’d think Dabi is pretty. Even with them, he has a rough, edgy look to him that probably pulls women anyway. 

You shrug. “I like all your piercings.”

“Yeah?” He tugs your ear lobe with the hand not holding the cigarette and you giggle. “You should get some yourself. I bet you’d look pretty hot.”

“Keigo would flip.” The words are out before you can think twice. Your hand slaps over your mouth, eyes wide.

Dabi watches you keenly with those sharp blue eyes of his. “Keigo, huh? Don’t worry, Dove, I won’t tell his secret identity.”

“Thanks.”

“As far as what he likes… well, I bet he wouldn’t like me flirting with his little sister either, but here we are.”

You fall still, unsure you heard him correctly. “You’re flirting with me?”

Dabi laughs again. “Sure am. You’re too damn cute. Why, did you think I asked you to hang just to be nice?”

“I don’t know.” Your voice is hardly above a whisper, suddenly shy under his gaze.

Dabi’s tongue skirts his lips and he leans in close. You can smell the cigarette on his breath, but it doesn’t both you. “Sweetheart, you have been running through my mind like a goddamn train since the second I saw you.” He pulls you against him and kisses the top of your head. “You okay with that?”

You smile and speak through the fluttering pulse in your throat. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

want to be added to the taglist? Just ask

@im-just-a-simp-le-whore

[bumblebeesfromvenus]

Lost and Found ♧| 2.

Leon S. Kennedy x reader (ft. my girl Ash)

A/N: This... this took me so long lmao I rewrote it like five times. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, though! I don't really write slow burn, so this might suck. I wanna apologize for how fucking wonky the events of Part one are???? They're all out of order lmao anyway, Enjoy!

~Fi 🪻

Warnings: swearing, reader is an idiot (lovingly, of course), mention of a small injury, sucky slow burn

Word count: 2.7k

Part 1 ♧ Part 2 ♧ Part 3 ♧

Please don't copy my work! I put a lot of effort and heart into the things I write.

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It had been a couple of months since Spain happened. Your life has definitely... changed. Both good and bad. You were plagued by nightmares frequently, instinctively grasping your arm every time you shot awake. A faint, pink scar had formed where the gash once sat. Tracing it absent mindedly was a common occurrence ever since the first dream. You'd stare at the blank wall in your living room, gently caressing it.

That mission took a toll on you, so you were granted a few months off to work through your night terrors and process everything. Ashley had been a great help with that. She made sure you hung out at least once a week and always stayed in contact, calling you and you calling her. The events of Spain didn't leave Ashley without any struggles either. But, she had assured you that she was save, protected at all times and getting support from professionals. Talking to her, about Spain or anything really, helped you get out of the hole you were in.

She was your best friend. Whether or not she knew it, she really was. You didn't really have friends. Not since Raccoon City. You stayed inside your dull little home the last few years, working a boring office job for the government. Your only friend had been Dave, a middle-aged man who worked in the security department. So you rotted away for years, mourning your past life. Your past you.

Honestly, you have no idea how you ended up as a special agent in the first place. Your police background increased your chances at scoring the position, but you didn't really have much experience. When you were offered the 'promotion', you didn't think too much of it. Couldn't be that hard, could it? You'd survived Raccoon City after all.

You were so wrong. You basically traded the mediocre lunch breaks you had with Dave, with running for your life from Zombies. Bad fucking trade. And the worst part, your officials didn't give a shit. They just wanted this to be dealt with as discretely as possible. End of the story, they underestimated how big this whole thing actually was, and now you were the one left with the shitty consequences. But you had Ashley! And Leon, of course, but that was a little more complicated.

You still hadn't gotten around to the promise of getting drinks together. He was going away on missions all the time, so although you kept in touch no matter what, he wasn't there. You thought, after some excruciating years, you had found your best friend again. Your person. And you did, but he was so close yet so out of reach. You couldn't take it anymore. You lost 7 whole years with him, and you finally had him back, but he was still gone.

"I don't know what to do, Ash." You sighed, playing with your shirt while you held the phone to your ear.

"Well, have you told him that? I'm sure he wants to spend more time with you too, but you need to tell him that!" She urged. Biting your lip, you hestitated.

"I just... he was my best friend. We did everything together, and now.. I know that it's him but I don't recognize him. He's.. different now. I thought he didn't change, but.. he did. That scares me. What scares me even more is the fact that he's always on my mind, I can't seem to function without him here. I only think about him. 24/7." You mumbled into the phone.

"Sounds a whole lot like you're in love with him."

"I- what? No! I mean, of course I love him, he's my best friend, but that's it. He's just my friend and you can love your friends, right? Like, everyone does, it's not something odd or anything." you rambled.

Sure, your heart lit a flame every time he smiled, and the sound of his laugh was heaven. His dumb jokes never failed to put a smile on your face but that's just how friends are. Yes. Totally. Friends feel like that. Just some regular friendly feelings.

"You're so oblivious! That's NOT how friends feel about eachother. Like ever. I've seen the way you look at him!" She argued. "What look? I don't look at him differently... do I?"

"Yes, you do. Everytime he's near you, that lovesick smile on your face kinda gives it away. Or the blush when he asks if you're okay. Not to mention how you panic when he gets hurt. Just admit it!" Ashley whined.

"I'm not in love with him, Ashley! He's my best friend, that's it!" You argued. She groaned into the phone. "I can't believe you're so smart yet so stupid." She said, clearly annoyed. "Rude." you mumbled.

"I have to go now, Miss Denial. Seriously though, you're not doing yourself a favor by denying your feelings." She said softly. You rolled your eyes and huffed.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you I'll think about it?"

"Definitely. Love you!" She beamed.

"Love you too." You chuckled as she hung up. Maybe you would think about it. If not for yourself, then for her. She was right about suppressing your feelings but about you being in love with Leon... you weren't sure.

Eh, that was a problem for the future you. For now, all you wanted to do was enjoy some drinks with him.

Your teeth gnawed at your lip, trying to decided how to go about this situation. Do you call Leon now? Tomorrow, maybe? Should you call him at all? You hadn't talked to eachother in a while... would it be awkward? Before you can lend any more attention to those thoughts, your phone rang and it was none other than Leon. Speak of the devil. You picked up, your heart racing.

"Hey... look, I'm sorry for not calling more, work s'just been busy. I.. Do you want to go for those drinks I promised tonight?" He sounded nervous. Unsure. He sounded so much like the Leon you knew. Your Leon. Maybe he hadn't changed that much after all. "Y-yeah, I'd love that. Um-  how does eight sound?" You responded, a little more nervous than you wanted to. "Sounds good. See you." And with that, he hung up.

Something's up with him. Your brows furrowed. Maybe he worked more to get his mind off Spain? He was a workaholic, trying to do more and more and not realizing how much it actually affected him. He was hurting himself by trying to protect others from harm. Maybe it's just the stress. You had plenty of time to question him at the bar, supported by a few Piña Coladas.

A couple of hours before, the anxiety hit you like a truck. It was safe to say that you were scared out of your mind right now. How the fuck were you supposed to talk to Leon like nothing was going on? Like nothing happened? You couldn't. And after that conversation with Ashley? Nope. No chance. Panic was bubbling up your throat. You felt like you could never face him again. Everytime you looked at him, or even thought of him, it was just pain. The pain of the building collapsing on top of you. Your pained cries when you realized he hadn't come back for you. The pain when you thought he was dead. The pain that if Ashley was right and you really were in love with him, you could lose him again.

He made your world bright and vibrant and when he was ripped from your grasp, you were lost in a sea of grey. Drowning. Desperately gasping for air, refusing to let the water in. Now, he had brought the color back to your life but all the vibrant hues made your head spin and your eyes hurt. You grew comfortable in your sea of grey. Embracing the cold kiss of the water filling your lungs, making you float peacefully.

Could you let the color back into your world? Could you pull yourself from the tide and cough up the water? Did you even want to? You didn't know. It was all too much. You were pulled out of your head when you dropped your glass of water. You were so consumed in your thoughts and anxieties that it had just slipped out of your hand. Carefully cleaning it up, you felt a sharp sting in your finger.

You had accidentally cut yourself on the broken glass shards. A small stream of blood was running down your finger and along your palm. A drop of blood hit the puddle of water, and it bloomed in red. You haven't felt like this in years. You could actually feel something. It's not like you didn't you feel the last seven years, but your soul was too numb to care. You actually felt something. Not like those times when you hit your head or nicked yourself while cooking. You would react relatively neutral to those incidents, but now... you could feel the burn of the cut, a searing sting in your skin. A small smile tugged at your lips.

It's because of him. Because you had him back, and he made you feel alive again. He had just stumbled into your life and turned it upside down. Like he always does. But you wouldn't want to have it any other way. God, how you had missed feeling like this. So vulnerable. So sensitive. So human.

You cleaned up the glass but hung on to the feeling of the cut. You didn't like it per se, but it made you feel like something inside you had been fixed. A missing puzzle piece that slotted right into place. It just felt so right.

Just like he did. You shook your thoughts, having the habit of spiraling, wether it may be good or bad, and continued on with your afternoon. Your nerves about spending time with Leon calmed, it was just Leon! Your best friend. You had nothing to worry about. Well, with Leon, usually there was at least a little something to be worried about.

You were out the door, into the night, on your way to Leon. You had decided to just walk there since parking was an absolute nightmare in this city. Besides, the fresh air in your lungs and cooling breeze on your face was something you hadn't felt in a while. Fumbling with a small box in your pocket, you continued to the bar you two had agreed to meet up at. It wasn't really a present, more something you wanted to return. You never thought you could.

You took a deep breath before stepping into the warmth of the bar. Your eyes were searching for Leon, looking for that familiar blonde head of hair. Spotting him in the back, an inevitable smile crept onto your face. When Leon noticed you, his face lit up, a hand reaching up to signal you over to him. He stood up when you approached and immediately pulled you into a tight hug.

"Hey." He mumbled, muffled by your hair. "Hi." You said, the joy in your voice evident. The first real hug in seven years. You could've melted on the spot. It felt so good. So right.

You reluctantly pulled away, smiling at him. "Wow... It's been a while, huh?" He said with a small laugh. "Yeah.." you responded with a chuckle. You sat down and ordered your drinks. "So.. what have you been up to? How have you been?" You asked. He pondered for a moment. "Not a lot to be honest. Worked a lot, you know, saved the world once or twice." He joked at which you just playfully rolled your eyes.

"What about you?"

"I uh... I adopted a dog. Her name is Lady, she's a Bernese mountain dog. I couldn't stand being alone anymore so I got Lady and yeah... that's about it when it comes to major life events." You laughed, a little nervous but the tension was fading by the minute.

"You gave in, huh? You used to talk my ear off about wanting a dog back then, remember?" He smiled. You did talk about wanting a dog all throughout your time at the police academy and it seemed like you had finally fulfilled that dream.

"Yeah, I did. She's so sweet, you'll love her." you said with a smile. Leon let out a laugh. "I'm more worried about her liking me." He joked.

You two continued to talk and drink, just laughing and having a good time. The night got closer and closer to ending when you remembered the box in your pocket.

"I have something for you." You mumbled, nervous to how he would react. He piped up at that and raised his eyebrows. "Aw, for me?" He teased. You just gave him a shy smile. Now or never. You pulled out the small box and slid it over to him. "I wanted to return this." you said quietly. His brows furrowed and a confused look fell on his face. "Return? Alright."

Leon carefully undid the bow and opened the lid. Not in a million years had he expected this. His jaw hit the fucking floor. It was his goddamn RPD badge. What the fuck? How did you even get this? It was tattered and faded. He gently ran his fingers across his barely legible name.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek. You had no idea how he would react. Leon looked at you completely bewildered. "I.. How?" He asked, still shocked. You shifted in your chair and fiddled with your fingers. "When... when I got out, I found it on the ground. It was the only thing I had left of you." You mumbled, avoiding eye contact. By 'got out' you meant fighting and clawing your way through infected residents and escaping the ruins of the collapsed building.

You could see the pain in his eyes. Whether it was his own for the pain he felt for you, you weren't sure. You spoke before he could. "I made a promise to myself that I would get it back to you one day, but.. at some point, I gave up and just kept it for myself. I thought you were dead and that this," you gestured to the badge," was the only thing I had left of you. My best friend. But it's yours, I want you to have it back." You said, your voice cracking, trying not to cry.

You could see the tears glistening in his eyes, his knuckles turning white as he tightly gripped his badge. "Thank you..." was all he managed to get out. You quickly wiped the tears that were threatening to fall and let out a sad laugh.

"God... I'm sorry for ruining the mood like that. It probably would've burned a hole in my pocket if I kept it any longer, though..."

Leon placed his badge on the table and took your hands in his. "You didn't. Well, a little maybe, but I'm really grateful for this. Thank you." He assured you, sqeezing your hands.  Your skin lit on fire. His touch was so addicting. And so comforting. A blush made its way onto your face. Oh, fuck. Was Ashley right? No. No way, it's just a little hot in here. That's all. But you couldn't deny the way your heart twisted and turned when he touched you, the butterflies in your stomach were having a fucking rave right now. Jesus, it's just Leon. Get it together You thought to yourself.

Shaking off all those annoying feelings, you returned a smile. "How about I make it up to you with a Movie Night, hm? Ice cream and cuddles from Lady included." You proposed. He grinned and leaned in a little closer. "What about cuddles from you?" He asked, a teasing smirk on his face. It didn't come off nearly was confident as he wanted it to. His voice shook a little, making him sound nervous.

Leon Kennedy? Nervous? Something was definitely up. His nervousness didn't stop the bubbling feeling in your stomach, though. There go the butterflies again. Stupid bugs. This is normal, though. Right? You always cuddled. Friends cuddle. No big deal. He's always been like that. No sweat. Just a little friendly cuddle session. That. Is. It. Is it bad that you wanted it to be more than that? The idea of being in love with him suddenly didn't feel as scary anymore.

🧡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎🌙▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎🧡

Part three is coming soon~

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

time for ur yearly halloween request from me >:3 so idrk if ur still super into pokemon sv (ik it’s on the list but still) but anyways. paldea gang + dlc friends go trick or treating, or to a haunted house, or maybe a halloween party! just some good ol fashioned halloween fun yknow? bonus if u add some funny ghost type shenanigans or make the reader’s bday halloween (i forget if u already did one w the halloween bday lol) -galaxy :3

Yesssss in the spirit of Halloween I shall deliver <3

Also happy birthday, galaxy!

.....

Haunted houses weren't exactly...the group's forte considering what happened with Pecharunt in Kitakami, but you were determined to help your friends conquer their fears of the spooky and unknown.

Plus, it was your birthday, which so-happened to fall on the same day as Halloween.

They couldn't say no, and eventually they all agreed to meet up at nightfall (after your earlier birthday celebration, of course).

Everyone wore their spookiest outfits and headed for the haunted house that was set up in Area 6, where there was also a mellow Halloween party for anyone who didn't want to experience the attraction.

Inside there were just a few generic Halloween decorations, and actors dressed up like the Hex trainer class with zombie motifs and their ghost/psychic/dark Pokémon trained to scare visitors, putting on quite a show.

Upon entering the house, you were able to very quickly put everyone on a scale from most to least brave: Arven, you, Penny, Nemona, Carmine, and Kieran.

Arven did jump at one or two sudden noises, but otherwise thought it was silly that any of this stuff could scare people....

Penny's seen enough horror movies to point out the tropes and make remarks on where the actor are likely to pop up--although one did take her by surprise and she almost dropped her glasses as a result.

Thankfully it was too dark for anyone else to notice.

Nemona genuinely thought one of the actors wanted to battle, and she almost sends out her starter--until you grab her hand and prevent her from wrecking the house, reminding her they're just acting.

She gets flustered and apologizes, and at the end she admits to LOVING the house, eager to go to it next year.

Carmine acts like she's tough shit and ready to defend Kieran....only to be startled and wary of every little noise the house makes.

She refuses to admit that, scoffing if you were to even remotely imply she was scared.

And Kieran is..well..still trying to recover from the "mochi curse" and hides behind you as often as he could (which makes him a prime target for the actors and their Pokémon to spook him), trying to assure himself it's all pretend.

You were worried it was too much for him to handle, but by the time you all get out, he reassures you that it was actually pretty cool.

He wouldn't mind going next year with you all, hoping it'll become a regular thing in this group.

[whumpsday]

a couple people* want a happy conclusion for Abel, the tortured zombie from my new Breath of Life oneshot. i'm not sure i'll write a conclusion to this one, but i know the feeling of desperately wanting a happy end for a whumpee, and don't wanna leave you hanging!

so here are several endings i can imagine for him! none of these are necessarily more canon than the other (unless i decide to write a sequel one day which i'm not sure about), but they're all within the realm of realism for this canon. whichever one you pick can be canon for you :)

❤️‍🩹 Ending A: Abel falls into the hands of another necromancer capable of maintaining his body. Perhaps Soe sells him, or perhaps he's stolen, or perhaps he even escapes and manages to find one before he decays. This necromancer is a caretaker who opens up his airway and assures him it'll stay open and everything will be alright, gently caring for him and helping him as he recovers. They become true friends. (This is the "happy end", all of the following are bittersweet.)

🧙 Ending B: As in Ending A, Abel falls into the hands of another necromancer. However, this necromancer is a carewhumper. They don't restrict his breathing, allowing him to exist in peace, but don't quite treat him like a person. Unlife is at least far more bearable now that he can breathe. He's treated as a servant for the most part.

⛓️ Ending C: Soe eventually relents and allows Abel air by default when she decides he's ready to behave, only taking away his ability to breathe as a temporary punishment. It's a punishment Abel never earns, as he's on his best behavior. He may not be free, but he's far more comfortable, and he's generally unharmed. Similar to Ending B, but he's far more afraid of Soe.

🪦 Ending D: (CW: Suicide) Abel starts paying attention to Soe's necromancy, despite the difficulty when nearly all his attention is devoted to his desperate need for air. Eventually, he picks up enough that he's able to concoct a spell of his own while Soe is away, one that releases his unnatural pull to life. He runs far away and digs himself a new grave, hoping Soe won't find him and bring him back, then performs the spell and returns to death. He's left to rest peacefully: even if Soe finds him, she decides he was clever enough to escape her.

🪄 Ending E: As in Ending D, Abel manages to teach himself a small bit of necromancy, but of a different sort: he learns the fleshcraft that allows Soe to open and close his airway, managing to open it on his own. It's not perfect, but he can breathe, and that's what matters. He still spends a good chunk of time airless, as he has to keep up appearances when he's around Soe and won't risk her noticing, but it's no longer all the time.

💀 Ending F: (CW: Major Character Death) Abel finds a way to murder Soe one day, likely through either poison or, fittingly, choking her as she sleeps. When a necromancer dies, those they have raised follow, and his unlife ends as well. Abel's suffering is over, knowing that no one else will have to endure what he has under Soe's cruel reign.

*tagging the couple people mentioned: @kira-the-whump-enthusiast @fleur-a-whump @whump-in-a-million

[theleslistuff]

Felt like writing for no particular reason, enjoy ❤

Caretaker syndrome

Summary; Danny's friends and family have been worried sick about Danny's bad habits; lack of sleep, he barely eats or drinks anything to keep fulfilling his obsession for protecting Amity park, so they began to take roles: Tucker keeps track of time for classes, Sam fights off easier ghost, Jazz makes sure he's not sneaking out to help Sam with the easiest ghost, but his twin brother Andy has the hardest duty... To make his personal chores..., but who is going to help them with their problems if they're exhausted trying to keep Danny (half) alive?.

Warning: alternative universe from the fan fiction My Brother is a ghost by Darkfoxkit where the corrupted era never happened and Andy joined phantom team as technically Danny's babysitter.

-Danny has a twin brother au

-OCs

-Mention of torture

-Danny is less human and more zombie like in his human half

-Loss of self, psychological and physical body horror for several characters (not in this chapter)

Chapter 1: The babysitter

It was a regular day in Amity Park, birds chirping, people running from a ghost attack, nothing different from usual as the infamous ghost boy in his trademark spandex black and white suit answers the distress calls quickly and more efficiently than any other ghost hunter in the town except for the red huntress.

-Ha!, is that everything you got dude?!-

Danny taunted the new ghost guard from Walker who was terrifying the town as he was testing out his weapons on people... A direct order from Walker to provoke the ghost boy, the heavily armoured guard finally with his real target on sight began to shoot at him with one of his many weapons, Phantom eluded the shots with elegance and grace until he flew straight into a publicitary cardboard.

-Ouch..., okay I deserved it for playing too long...-.

He murmured feeling ashamed since the nearby crowd was looking and some people even took photos of him, he decided it was time to finish this, he pulled out from his backpack the Fenton thermos and since he had some distance from the ghost, he could easily open the thermos, activate it and suck the ghost and all his weapons before he could react.

-And... That's how you finish a war machine folks!-.

He joked with a cheerful smile, the crowd claps fill his core with warm despite it's cold nature. The ghost boy considering his work done here waved a good bye at them as he begins to fly away as the red huntress is already trying to shoot him.

But between the cheering crowd there's someone not as joyful as the rest who didn't even looked away from his cellphone as the ghost boy was saving them, this boy held an uncanny resemblance with the son of the two most incompetent ghost hunters in town; the Fentons, black messy hair, pale skin with some freckles and soft factions with a fragile looking frame, the only physical difference between those two being the boy's tired green eyes but not as dreadful as the Fenton boy's blue dead looking eyes, their clothes different too since Danny Fenton usually wears a white shirt with a red circle in the middle his best friend assures there used to be a NASA logo there, blue baggie pants and red tennis shoes and this boy prefers a darker color scheme with a black shirt having a blue triangle in the middle, red pants and blue tennis shoes, it's said they are like a polaroid of each other.

The boy pulled out a bottle of water from his orange backpack and without giving a glance at the approaching frame of a tired looking Danny Fenton, he extended his arm holding the bottle of water at him, the opposite immediately snatched the bottle from this boy, practically ripped off the cap and began to drink from it, some of the liquid splashing on his clothes and face due the rushed and messy drinking, once the water was gone, he handed the empty bottle back to the other boy.

-Thanks for the saving bro...-. Danny replied with a huge smile on his face, the boy he called just smiled and nodded. -Try not to get smashed by the cardboard next time-, the boy answers his tone holding a small hint of mischief that Danny did not appreciate as he gave him a small playful hit with the elbow.

-Just let's go home Andy, mom and dad are going to be really worried when they see you in the middle of the ghost attack-, Danny said to his twin brother as he began to walk away, Andy walked behind him at certain distance thinking about his distant admiration for what his brother does as a everyday routine... Save the town, sometimes wishing he could do more than just keep Danny's homework done, make sure he drinks water and has something to eat, a desire to be a sidekick in the real battle field but a mare human like him could never do as much as he does, except for those wealthy and skilled enough through tough training like the Guys in white or the red huntress receiving her supplies from Vlad Masters.

His steps slowed down reflecting on this fact; does he really want to stay forever as just a babysitter for his brother's personal needs?... Doing double homework for him to not fail his classes, making him go to sleep, take him food and water straight to the battlefield, it's a noble duty, there's no denial in that and he gets to have time with his brother, right?!.

He stopped to walk and looked at Danny running away towards home leaving him behind, he can't help but to have mixed feelings about this, feeling proud and happy to see his brother improving since Andy decided to be like his babysitter, there's no longer black bags under his eyes, there's less bruises, burns or other injuries since he's more focused and eating better.

He looked at his own reflection on a nearby glass from a cafeteria, his brother is even starting to develop his muscles, meanwhile he looks like a bag of bones, a frame noticeable smaller than his twin, dry lips and hollow eyes with black bags under his eyes, it's the first time he really has noticed how much he has not taken care of himself..., he touched his cheek in a absent and unconscious gesture trying to confirm it's indeed his real reflection, he clenched his hand into a fist, he's determined tonight he will talk this out with Danny, it's not like he doesn't want to help anymore, it will be more about trying to have either a more important role or make Danny self conscious about his lack of self care to make him less reliant of him to take care of himself too.

With a tired look and determination on changing things he began to walk towards his home, nothing will stop him from finally talking this out with him...

Or so he thought until he felt a sharp pain on his neck, his vision immediately turned blurry, every object began to spin around him, his hand moving in slow motion towards his neck to inspection what is the cause of this, his fingers register a needle before he began to fall and finally passed out.

From behind the boy the tall figure of a muscular man with dark skin, a bald scalp and dressed in a white suit characteristic from the anti ghost organization "The Guys In White" took away the needle from the boy's neck and carried the boy in his arms as if he weighed nothing, he walked away with normalcy, unnoticed by the people passing by because of his authority figure the organization gave this uniformed man as a government agency, not a single soul questioned when he carried the boy inside the Axion lab's building.

Andy's eyes began to flutter open, the sedative making him have a hard time to even feel alive, his body felt sore and heavy, his breath was jagged and his mouth tasted like iron with a heavy tongue he could barely move, the first thing he noticed besides feeling like garbage was that he was in some kind of prison of high technology, the environment was painted in a pure pearl white, not a single spot of dirt to the sight, the toilet, the bed, the sheets the purest white he could ever see making him have a strong guess about who is behind this, the only striking contrast being himself and the bars of electric blue energy to prevent him from escaping, he could not help but to think... It would be extremely easy for Danny to pass through those bars, but for him it would be certain death just to touch them.

He began to rise from the floor, falling in several attempts with every muscle feeling like they are made of jelly, as the time passes the effects of the sedative finally seem to fade away and allow him to stand up properly having a little support from one of the sickly white walls, he panted and closed his eyes, his bad shape along with the strong sedative used on him making a single simple task as standing up a total nightmare, he groaned in frustration until he heard a voice from outside his cell.

-I offer you an apology young man, as you must know our organization develops technology against ghost and our agent had no other sedative at hand than one designated to put Phantom to sleep..., It's a good new to see you recovered almost completely-.

Andy opened his eyes and turned around to see the man, as he suspected it was one of the agents from the guys, but this one looks important..., He's noticeable older than most of the field agents, a man around his sixties, grey short hair on his head a good cared beard, his skin pale and although with some marks from the age and scars from battle, his skin is totally pale, almost like an albino, his eyes covered in black glasses like those of the other agents, hands perfectly still behind his back like a gentleman or perhaps holding something. The boy was kinda shocked, he didn't knew anything about this man but the mare appearance tells him he's a big threat around here, so he proceeded carefully.

-I'm sorry but I think you're mistaken sir, I'm not a ghost, why did you brought me here?-, Andy asked as he made eye contact with the man or at least looking at his glasses, the teenager immediately tried to look at something, anything on his expression that would tell him something about his motives with him, it was no use, the man held a perfect poker face, not a single muscle on his face moved until he spoke.

-We're never mistaken young man, but don't think too highly of yourself, you're not going to just be a prisoner for us, you're more of a tool to get a bigger threat...-, Andy's eyes widened and he gave a step back, it was not necessarily a explanation to connect the dots and realize he is going to be used as a bait to get Danny, the old man gave a small smile as he noticed this child was catching up fast with what is happening.

-As you may have guessed, we keep our vigilance on this ghost called Phantom trying to get a soft spot, a way to get rid of that menace pretending to be one of us..., but we noticed a constant in the last months, his assistants may snap out of his control or not be with him in a daily basis but you seem to be quite close to this ectoplasmic menace...-.

The man shut down the energy from the bars through a remote control and threw on the floor photos from the vigilance survey showing Andy with Danny either human form or ghost form, The boy's blood ran cold though his body as he realized they have always known about Danny's identity and immediately discarded the possibility of halfas, just thinking of Danny's human half as camouflage, in certain part it makes sense for him, Andy himself still not fully believes in the concept of halfas.

-So, what are you going to do?, just keep me trapped until he comes to the facilities?, you know he could easily pass through a cell like this one by just turning intangible and get me out, not even being noticed at all-

Andy felt confident enough to tease a little due the simplicity of their plan, but a bad feeling shrunk into him as the man began to laugh, the sound of his rough laugh equally as strange as dreadful breaking his confidence into small pieces.

-Dear boy, don't insult my intelligence, I haven't insulted yours for believing such a brutish idea..., we are not in need of a bait, we're in need...-, he stopped at mid sentence to suddenly stab Andy's shoulder with a syringe he has hidden on his hands all this time to inject all it's contents, Andy was about to scream when the man suddenly pulled out the needle and covered the boy's mouth with a hand, he approached slowly to his ear and confessed his real plan.

-You'll be my weapon to eliminate that menace once and for all and you'll not be able to do anything to stop it...-

He tossed the boy inside the cell and turned on the cell bars once more before he could even get up from the floor, the boy not understanding at all what he meant by that, rushed towards the cell bars and yelled.

-What do you mean by that?!, what have you done to me?!-

He tried to get an answer but the man was already walking away, ignoring the teenager's words.

[luveline]

I hope you’re doing a lil better! Can we talk about zombie Steve cheering his girl up? I can just imagine all the sweet nothings and the protective hugs

Steve's become quite good at cheering you up since you met. It's easier now that he loves you and now that you love him, because he can lean over for a kiss or let you hold his hand as you walk from place to place and know without question that his touch alone makes you feel better. 

When you're hungry and food is hard to find —and when he's usually getting grumpy himself, depressed and exhausted and worried— it's all about the silent touches, quiet communications of love and promise. We'll get through this, said in the way he twines your fingers tightly, or his hand pressed to your aching stomach when you lay down for the night. 

When you're tired, he cheers you up with bad jokes and sarcasm, but it's much more gentle than his usual feigned derision. This is when all the nicknames and declarations of love tend to crop up, because he knows you aren't fully alert to tease him for anything. If he wakes you up late at night to swap watch shifts with him, he says sorry via kisses pressed to your collar, your sternum, and your chest. If you're safe enough to sleep at the same time, he wraps you up and dotes with tender fingertips running in loops down your spine until his wrist is tingling from exertion. 

When you're sad he lets you be sad, but he tries not to leave you sinking in it. This is when Steve makes promises hoping against hope that he can keep them. Things will get better. I'll make it okay again, I swear. I won't let anything happen to you. I take care of you and you take care of me. He hates seeing you cry, and he can't stop himself from wiping your cheeks as the tears fall, even when there's no signs of them stopping soon. 

When you're hurt, he's surprisingly sombre —Steve at his most panicked, he can't barely talk. He makes promises here, too, though they're swift and clipped to avoid giving away how terrified he is or how much it aches to see you in a bad way. His biggest priority is getting you back to one hundred percent. He tends to your wounds, and he gets clingy as a leech when you're on the mend. Tens of hugs; hugs in your sick bed; hugging you by your shoulders; your head to his chest; his arms around your waist and his leg thrown over your hip. Steve hugs whatever bit of you he can reach that won't hurt you, just to assure himself that you're still there. 

[dantakeyoman]

𝐉𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐘 | 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐰𝐨

♡ 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

♡ * 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒆𝒙𝒚, 𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆, 𝒛𝒐𝒎𝒃𝒊𝒆-𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑱𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏. 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒔. *

♡ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦 (𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐨𝐟 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐬, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐞𝐭𝐜.

♡ * 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚: 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍 *

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄

After a couple of miles of endless bickering and one ups between Columbus and Wichita, the gang had found an decent-looking RV stopped at a junkyard under an overpass.

You and Tallahassee scoped out the area first to make sure it was safe, before starting the trek to get there.

And the entire time he had been daring himself to ask you about...well, you.

What were you two?

Were you going to strike off together once all of this was over?

Were you both all right enough to strike off together?

Did you mean him when you said you were through?

All questions that were practically eating away at him.

But just as he got enough courage to ask, you'd made it, and it was time to put back on the face.

"All right! This is what I'm talkin' about," he smiled as the group approached the RV, "We're finally gonna be ridin' in style."

"You know the drill. I gotta check it out first," you reminded, fighting off your own smile.

It had been a while since you checked out an RV.

Good thing your memory was pristine when it came to all things vehicle.

"You guys, I partied with 3 Doors Down in one of these," Madison started, moving to the front of the pack to open the door.

"It was so-." The second she cracked it, the alarm went off, and zombies from all directions came out the woodwork.

"Shit," you hissed, quickly climbing into the front and shutting it off.

"Jersey," Tal called you over.

"On it," you nodded, walking out the door and stepping up on his hand.

"Front of the car's twelve o'clock. Trunk is six. You're our eyes," he explained, lifting you up onto the roof.

"Don't worry, guys. They're much more afraid of us than we are of them," Madison assured.

"God, that is not even remotely true," Wichita sighed.

You dug in your duffel and grabbed your trusty AK, slinging your uzi over your shoulder.

"We meet again, duckies," you smirked, the way they were so easily lining up making you feel nostalgic.

"Two o'clock!"

Wichita took that one down with her hand-held Gatling gun.

"Eleven! Eleven! Seven-thirty!"

You saw another at six o'clock, but didn't call it, wanting to bag one for yourself.

"One-thirty!"

"Why is everyone shouting numbers?!" Madison loudly asked over the gunfire.

"Eleven!"

"Twelve!" She shouted.

"Six! And two o'clock! Eight! Six o'clock!"

Nothing but gunfire could be heard, and it looks like there was no end to the zombies in sight.

"Eight! Ten! Eight! Eight o'clock!"

Madison had saved Wichita from a zombie with her pepper spray, making a smirk rise to your face.

'Oh, I'm never gonna let her live that down.'

"One-thirty! Three! One! Three!"

You took three, since no one had got to it yet.

And once it was dead, you turned around, seeing more coming out the corner of your eye.

"One o'clock! Ten-thirty! Eleven! Eleven! Actually, it's a Homer. Don't waste a bullet."

"Hawking, Jersey, Hawking!" Wichita shouted.

You whipped around to see a fucking Hawking running at you at full speed.

"Fucker," you spat, pistol-whipping it off the roof and jumping down, landing on its head and crushing it.

"Yay!" Madison clapped with a smile, as if you were performing.

Just then, a zombie came out of nowhere from under the RV, grabbing onto her foot.

"Aah, he's trying to bite me!"

"Ninja! Ninja!" Columbus exclaimed, quickly shooting it dead.

She gasped, turning to look at him with this enamoured expression.

"You saved me."

"All right. Settle down."

More snarling could be heard, and you whipped around to see the last incoming zombie.

"Tal, one o'clock," you stated, nodding towards the monster.

"Pardon me, Pop Tart," he stepped past Madison, "Not quite done yet."

He shot two right at its chest, but it dodged...somehow.

'What the fuck?"

"What the fuck?" Tal spoke your mind.

He shot two again, double-tapping it right between the eyes.

The zombie dropped to the ground.

"Try to dodge me, motherfucker."

Tal turned back around, ready to get in the RV.

But the zombie got back up.

Creepily, without the use of arms or legs.

"Tal?" You nodded again, concerned.

He turned around, surprised to see the monster still gnashing and on the charge again.

"One plus one still equals two, right?" He asked, shooting it another five times.

But it continued to crawl forward, even as he shot it seven more times.

"What the ever-lovin' fuck?!"

When it got too close, he settled with smashing its head in, finally killing it.

...

"Ew," Madison grimaced.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

As you drove down the road, back in the minivan, you thought about how free you would be if you just put one right between your eyes right then and there.

After all that zombie killing, you all had scored the RV.

But just as Tallahassee was pulling out, he drove over a spike strip that was hidden by a whole bunch of undergrowth.

Even still, you could've taken the ice cream truck.

But because Columbus was a pussy that's still afraid of clowns in a world of flesh-eating monsters, you had to settle with the minivan.

So now here you were, driving down the highway, contemplating swereving into a ditch to put yourself out of your misery.

"I've always wanted to start a business where strangers drive strangers around in their car for money," Madison randomly started, making you hang your head.

'Here the fuck we go should be my fuckin' catchphrase.'

"Let's say you were really drunk and needed a ride home. You'd just get online and hop right in with a stranger. And they'd take you anywhere you want to go."

The two men laughed, turning to each other with smiles.

"Oh, yeah. Who then kills you," Columbus joked.

"They'd have gum, or, like, lollipops-." "That was exactly what my parents taught me," Wichita said sarcastically.

"They were like, if a stranger offers you candy or gum, get in their car. Great idea."

"If they try to murder you, you can have a system so you, like, can rate them. Like, if they try to murder you, like, you get zero points. But if they don't try to murder you, you get, like, five points," Madison tried to explain.

"Madison, I think it is a very good idea," Columbus smiled.

"Yeah, no, I cannot see that going wrong," Wichita scoffed.

"All I'm saying is the taxi industry was very flawed-." Suddenly, she burped.

Quite aggressively actually.

"You okay?" You asked, looking up into the rear-view.

She was really, really pale.

"I think I'm, like, hot. I'm hot," she felt her forehead, "I guess I'm so used ot being in the freezer all the time."

"Yeah, sure, that makes sense," Columbus nodded.

Just then, she farted and burped at the same time.

"I feel funny," she wheezed, her voice suddenly gone.

Oh, shit.

You suddenly remembered the Ninja zombie from before.

The one that grabbed her.

'This bitch is turning into a fucking zombie.'

"Nope," you pulled over, making a loud screech.

She quickly got out the car, walking a couple steps before projectile vomitting.

The tell-tale sign that zombie transformation was on the way.

You felt your stomach drop.

You had a bad history with freshly turned zombies, and in no way did you want to subject yourself to that trauma again.

Everyone already saw what happened to you the last time.

"Ooo, chunkage," Tal grimaced.

"Maybe she'll pull through," Columbus suggested.

"What do you mean? You are the one who always says don't take any chances," Wichita scoffed.

"So who's doin' the honors?" Tal asked with a smile, "I mean, personally, I wouldn't mind, but I don't want anyone calling me selfish."

"Hey, come on, she is a living, thinking being, okay?" Columbus scolded.

Everyone cocked a brow.

"She's a living being," he corrected.

"I know from personal experience that zombies are at their most bat-shit when they first turn," you started, cocking your shotgun.

"So, we either figure out who's doing what in the next five seconds or I'm going out there myself and getting this shit over with."

Columbus nodded, cocking his own gun and stepping out the car, leading Madison over to the woods.

It was quiet for a minute, and shouts could be heard, before two gunshots went off, and the shouts went quiet.

The boy sadly trudged back in the car, and shut the door, you being quick to start back on the road.

The quicker you could leave it behind, the quicker it would become a memory.

"Look, I'm not gonna pretend that I'm broken up about it," Tal started, turning to face Columbus in the backseat, "but, um, I am sorry. She didn't deserve that."

"He's right. That's a terrible way to go, even for..." "Just period, man," you groaned, throwing your head back.

"It's a terrible way to go, period. Just because she was annoying doesn't mean you can be an asshole about it."

"I'm not being an asshole about it," she defended.

"It was a little assy," Tal nodded.

"I wasn't trying to be. It's sad, and that's obviously not what I wanted-." "What is it you do want?" Columbus asked.

"I wanna find my sister."

"Good."

"Good

"Great, in fact."

"Great."

"Awesome."

"This is gonna be a long drive," Tal sighed.

"How about we play a throwback? The Quite Game?" you rhetorically asked.

"Good? Great. Everyone shut the fuck up."

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

The four of you made it to Graceland, but sadly, it was quite literally a pile of rubble.

And with no Beast or Little Rock in sight, you were out of leads.

Not to mention Tallahassee was torn up about the destruction of the "happiest place on earth".

Tired, and losing hope by the minute, you took everyone back on the road.

And not too far from Graceland, you found the Beast parked outside this place called the Hound Dog Hotel.

So here you all were, busting in to see if you find the girl anywhere.

"Wow," Tallahassee gasped, eyes going wide at all the Elvis memorabilia, "It may not be Graceland, but it sure looks a hell of a lot like Graceland."

"It does," Columbus agreed.

"Here's the deal. We'll split up. I'll go this way-." "No, no, no, I should talk to her," Wichita interrupted.

"I'm her sister. I'll talk to her first. You guys stay here."

"Stay here my ass, I'm headed to the bar," you scoffed, walking over to the Tiki themed corner and hopping the counter.

You searched the shelf for that distinct name and label, hoping they had it in stock.

Until you laid eyes on it.

"Jack mother-fuckin' Daniels," you smirked, grabbing the bottle by its neck and reading its date.

'1960 Jack Daniels. Elvis knew his liquor.'

You uncorked it, taking a healthy swig and relishing that familiar burn.

"Best feeling on earth," you smiled, taking another one as Tal began to sing and play the piano in the background.

You felt bad that you'd been icing him out for nearly the entire trip.

It felt odd, almost awkward, not talking to him like how you would usually do.

Joking and flirting and laughing.

That's what you were used to.

But now you could feel the gap between you two getting bigger and bigger.

You'd have to find Little Rock and leave soon, otherwise you'd lose your nerve.

Just then, you saw the shadow of a woman head around the corner and towards where Tal was.

You couldn't make out her features, but you tell what was in her hand from a mile away.

A pistol.

Quickly and quietly, you stepped out from behind the bar, following her.

She'd entered the room Tal was in, but he was too wrapped up in his music to notice her.

'Goddammit, Tallahasse.'

Without warning, she slammed the piano cover on his fingers, and hit him in the head with the music stand, knocking him over.

She trained her gun at his head, but you were quick to aim at her as well.

"Watch it," you warned, eyes cold and serious.

Her eyes flit up, turning her gun towards you.

"No, no, no, no, don't shoot 'er," Tally frantically asked, standing up.

"Start talking," she ordered.

"You first," you denied.

She clicked off her safety, and you did the same.

"I'm just gonna go ahead and be the civil one here. My name is Tallahassee," Tal chimed, eyes flicking to you in hopes you would follow his lead.

God, he loved you were fiery but one day it was going to get you killed.

"Jersey," you begrudgingly answered.

"Nevada," she stated, "Now, what the fuck are you doing in the Hound Dog?"

"We got a thing for the King," Tal said in an Elvis imitation.

"He's got a thing for the King," you corrected, "I'm here to make sure he doesn't die."

Just then, Wichita and Columbus burst in at the noise, Nevada taking a big step back.

"They're here for that, too," you added, tucking away your glock.

"Is anybody else in here with you?" She turned to you and Tal.

"Just us," you assured, sitting down on the piano stool.

She turned to Columbus and looked down at his shoes.

"Why the hell are you wearing Elvis' actual shoes?"

"Comfort," he stated, seriously.

"You live here?" Wichita asked.

Nevada sighed, lowering her gun, "Yeah."

"So that car out front? The girl ho was driving it, is she-?" "Gone," Nevada answered.

"She and that poser-peace lover of hers-." "Berkeley?" Tal chimed.

"Berkeley...took off a few days ago," she corrected, "And trust me, they shouldn't have. It's not safe out there."

"Dammit," Wichita hissed, angrily plopping down on a couch.

"Why didn't they take the Beast?" You asked.

"He said it was too establishment," she air quoted.

'That dickhead...'

"Oh, I will kill that little fart-snack myself," Tal grumbled.

"You're lucky I didn't do the same to you two," she scoffed, implying you and Tal, "Seriously. Do you know how close I was to Murraying you?"

Everyone froze.

"To what-ing him?" Wichita asked.

"Murraying him," Nevada nodded, "Y'know, when you shoot someone thinking they're a zombie. Apparently that's how Bill Murray died."

You smirked as Columbus began to stutter, awkwardly acting as if he didn't know this information.

Discreetly, you pulled the polaroid from that day out your pocket and handed it to Nevada, her eyes going wide.

"No fuckin' way," she scoffed in disbelief.

"Yeah, don't listen to this guy. He's killed more celebrities than cocaine," you nodded.

"Look, the girl from before. Did she say where she was going?" Wichita asked, returning to the subject.

"No. But that idiot, Berkeley, wouldn't shut the fuck up about it," Nevada sighed.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

[duhragonball]

Chainsaw Man Ch. 67-70

Oops.

"Last time, Germany's Santa Claus sacrificed three children to send Chainsaw Man to Hell in exchange for a chance to eat the flesh of the Darkness Devil so that he could make a new body out of his army of zombie-doll creatures."

That is a sentence that probably should not exist, and yet it is brings us up to speed anyway. The upshot here is that Santa Claus is now some sort of eldritch horror who can convert any human he touches into doll creatures, and now the Darkness power has made him even stronger, and he plans to kill Makima this way. But she brought back everyone from hell, and Chainsaw Man seems to be in good shape, so he starts fighting Santa.

Meanwhile, two side characters kind of talk about it. Kishibe, the guy who trained Denji and Power a while back, had tried to bring Quanxi in on his secret plot to kill Makima, but that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. This other dude casually observes that this whole battle never had anything to do with protecting or killing Denji. Instead, Santa and Makima are fighting over some other objective, and Denji seems to be a pawn in their game. He also deduces that Makima can spy on everyone because she has the power to hear through various lower forms of like, like mice and birds.

So yeah, uh, Germany's Santa Claus, everybody! She's single, fellas!

It's unclear what happened to the other characters who got sent to hell. Makima and Denji made it back, and so did Quanxi... but she didn't return in one piece. Two of her fiend girlfriends were in hell with her, and apparently they're just dead. So a third fiend girlfriend finds Quanxi's head and pulls some sort of spearhead from under her eyepatch, and this somehow activates...

... uh, whatever this is. I guess Quanxi has the same kind of power Chainsaw Man has, but with knives or something. Also she's butt-ass naked in this form. She offers to team up with Denji, even though she was sent her by the Chinese government to kill him. She wants Santa dead more, because he's responsible for killing two of her skanks.

Their attacks damage Santa, but with her new darkness power, she can regenerate pretty quickly. I think it only works when she's in shadow, though. Anyway, Santa manages to stymie Denji pretty well by sending dolls after him who seem much more human than the dolls we've seen up to this point. They scream and beg for mercy, and Denji balks because he doesn't want to murder them. Quanxi assures him that they're not really sentient anymore, and they're just mindless automatons like the other dolls. How would she know, though?

Quanxi doesn't really answer that question. Her point is that they have to kill these dolls to defeat Santa, and thinking of them as beyond saving makes it easier to kill them. It's more of a coping mechanism than intel.

As the battle wears on, night falls, and Santa's darkness powers get stronger. She redesigns her body again and yikes.

Also, Santa seems to have figured out how to turn corpses into dolls, and she converts the two dead minions Quanxi was trying to avenge. They take the third one hostage and stab Quanxi. Santa considers turning Quanxi into a doll, but she forgot one thing...

Chainsaws can be set on fire. Wait, no, that's not badass, that's stupid as hell! I retract my earlier statement. Germany's Santa Claus did not forget one thing. No one would ever consider this possibility in the first place, much less forget about it in the heat of battle.

Basically, Denji's idea here is that if he attacks while he's surrounded by fire, then he can offset Santa's ability to regenerate in darkness. I'm not clear how her powers work, but Makima warned that attacks in darkness would be ineffective, and one could argue that cutting attacks are sort of hidden inside the thing you're cutting, so there's not much light to work with. But if Denji's chainsaws are a light source in and of themselves, that solves everything.

Also he remembers the trick with the chains from the Reze arc. Chainsaw Man wraps her up good and pulls her closer to the flames, while she sends in dolls to try to protect her. But she's no match for the mighty Chainsaw Man.

Soon, Germany's Santa Claus begins to despair, and wonders what the hell is wrong with Chainsaw Man that he just won't keel over and die. But the answer is the same as always. Denji wants something frivolous, and he can't have it unless he destroys his enemy, so that's all there is to it.

Happy Boxing Day, you weird-ass bowl full of jelly.

So Denji's won, right? Not quite. He defeated Santa's main body, but Santa still has a contract with the Doll Devil, which affords her control over all the dolls she's made, and they can make many more with a mere touch. Santa expects to continue evolving with the power of darkness and she can just come back with a new doll body and and send dolls to stalk and attack Denji again and again, indefinitely. Denji isn't too worried about this, but he gets his head cut off on the next page, so I guess this isn't his problem anymore.

Qwanxi confronts the burning remains of Santa and wants revenge for her dead skanks. To that end, she employs the fourth one, who we haven't seen much lately. She's the one who can only say Halloween, and on Qwanxi's orders she does a Kamehameha, but Halloween themed. Cute.

What the hell does this accomplish? Well, Santa finds herself in a vast library with this fiend, who introduces herself as the Cosmic Fiend. We're inside her mind, I think, and she can speak normally here. Santa isn't too impressed, because she thinks she can withstand a psychic assault, but tha'ts not what this is.

The Cosmic Fiend has cosmic awareness, for lack of a better term, and she can share that knowledge of everything with others, like Santa Claus. And once they receive this vast storehouse of knowledge and wisdom and enlightment...

You can only think of Halloween until you die. 🎃👻 💀🦇

I... I don't know how to react to that. I guess it explains Cosmic Fiend's appearance. I thought she was just supposed to look like some "cute" zombie, but I guess the real reason her brain is hanging out of her head is because she possesses such incomprehensible knowledge of the universe that her poor skull couldn't contain it.

Anyway, this neatly solves the problem of Santa Claus's doll slaves, because they're still alive, but now they're incapable of doing anything but shouting "Halloween" over and over again. I hope that deactivated the thing where they can turn other people into dolls by touching them, though.

Quanxi seems to have won here, since she decapitated Denji and defeated Santa Claus, but there's one more force to be reckoned with, and it's Makima. Kishibe and the other guy put on their blindfolds, because Public Safety has a rule that you're not allowed to see Makima use her power.

Quanxi immediately surrenders. I don't know if she just realizes she's outmatched, or she's that desperate to end the fight. She pleads for Makima to spare her two minions. But Makima won't accept any terms.

Quanxi and her entourage are suddenly decapitated, in a fashion that reminds me a lot of the way the Darkness Devil fought in hell. Maybe I'm reading too much into that. It's more likely that the comic is just depicting the effects of Makima's secret power without giving away the cause. It's also possible that Makima has one of her people nearby attacking these women on her behalf, like the way Angel Devil took out Reze from the rooftop.

One last loose end. Remember the Immortal Bros. from America? Remember how Aldo was the only one left, and he spent the whole arc trying to work up the courage to carry out his assignment? Well, he must have gotten turned into a doll at some point, because here he is chanting Halloween like all the other dolls in Santa Claus' hive mind.

So Makima has won. With Santa and Quanxi defeated, it's unlikely that the other nations would dare send anyone else into Japan to go after her or Denji. So everyone can take of their blindfolds now, but Kishibe leaves his own, because he knew Quanxi for a lot of years, and he has no great desire to see her dead body on the ground. Also, everything else that's happened is pretty fucked up too.

There's a two-page comic after Chapter 70 that shows the past relationship between Kishibe and Quanxi. She was the legendary "First Devil Hunter" and she had once been partnered up with Kishibe, who would hit on her and get punched in the face for his trouble. After about nine years of this, he finally admitted that he loved her, and she realized she was gay. It adds a nice touch to his refusing to take off his blindfold when she's killed.

[jessicanjpa]

rite of passage

Esme decides that Jasper is ready for the next stage of his desensitization: grocery shopping. An excerpt from this 1957 one-shot, Esme POV.

I gave a little jump of surprise when the long peace of my morning, spent humming over my new watercolors as I experimented with their concentration, was suddenly interrupted by a blood-curdling scream and a bestial roar. I raced down the hall to the stairs, fearing the worst, but after a few steps I laughed at myself when I realized the sounds were recorded. Jasper must be working on the latest project Carlisle had assigned him in his ongoing war against his thirst: watching horror movies.

Sure enough, I found him in his and Alice's study with the window shades drawn closed and our new film projector spinning its wheels. On the blank wall opposite where Jasper sat parked on his little blue couch, the massacre was quickly unfolding. The townspeople hadn't a chance against the...

"Zombies?" I guessed aloud.

"Right," Jasper said, setting aside the textbook that had been balanced on his lap. "I'm sorry, Esme, am I disturbing you? You didn't feel like you were painting..." He moved to get up, but I held up my hand.

"You're right, I wasn't. May I join you?"

He collected the rest of his things off the other half of the couch: the textbook, his notebook and pen and papers, and something Alice-sized in blue satin.

"It's not exactly the highest quality cinema," he said.

"You aren't kidding," I said after a few minutes of low-budget horror. "Where did Carlisle find this one? A trash bin?"

He smiled a little, turning a page in his textbook and jotting something down. "Possibly."

I forced myself to watch the slaughter for a few more minutes. In the next scene, the camera focused on a zombie would couldn't decide if he wanted to kiss or eat the screaming woman in his arms. He went for the meal in the end; I was quite disappointed.

"She's a zombie later on," Jasper assured me, "and they live happily ever... well, you know what I mean."

"How many times have you seen this one?"

"Three times. Carlisle says I'm supposed to keep watching each one until I can get through the whole thing without venom flow."

"Oh. And how are you doing... with that?"

Another scream sounded. The camera lens—and therefore a good portion of the wall we were watching the film on—was splashed with fake blood as a particularly clumsy zombie slashed his way through another screaming heroine. Jasper's eyes flicked back down to the book in his hands. He swallowed convulsively and his eyes darkened a shade while I watched.

"They're usually not colorized like this," he said, sounding apologetic.

"Oh, for heaven's sake."

Carlisle and his projects! I jumped up and crossed the room in a flash to stop the film projector from doing its projecting. "That's enough torture for one morning," I told him firmly. "At least that kind of torture. Why don't you join me on my errands today?"

Jasper hesitated, then smiled sheepishly and agreed to it. I had him carry boxful after boxful of canned and packaged foods out to the car: dry goods I'd slowly been accumulating over the past few months each time I went out to be seen shopping at the supermarket. It was time for another drop-off to the food bank.

"Want to drive?" I offered, holding out the keys. "You'll be the one doing the errands today. I'm just here to supervise."

"You're going to make me play human?" he guessed. He took the keys and slid into the front seat.

"It's good for you. Carlisle's projects won't do you any good if you keep hiding at home all the time."

"I know that," he said, and I decided that was enough pushing.

"So," I said once we were rolling down the driveway at ten miles an hour. Jasper was new enough to driving that he was overly cautious, not quite trusting the car to hold itself together at decent speeds. "What do I feel like when I'm painting?"

Jasper carefully pulled out onto the highway and adjusted the mirrors for his height. "It feels... well, I think the best way to describe it is that it feels like you're telling a story, just without talking. It has all the rises and falls and bumps in the road like I would feel if you were describing a fairy tale." He glanced at me. "Although this week it's felt more like a thriller. Or a mystery."

"Speed up," I suggested. "You always want to keep up with the other cars. Hmm. My paintings have had a mind of their own lately. Maybe they're trying to tell me something."

"Something you're supposed to do?"

"Like what?"

He grinned, not taking his eyes off the road. "Alice told me about your plans to go to college this time around and how they came to nothing. I'm not the only one hiding at home right now, am I?"

I was taken aback; I was so used to Carlisle and Edward's gentle manners that Jasper's directness still surprised me sometimes.

"I'm sorry," he added right away. "That was—"

"Fair," I said. "It's true enough. I'm not sure what happened to those plans. I suppose with you staying home again this time, well..." I trailed off, adjusting the hem of my skirt on my knees.

Jasper shook his head. "You know I don't need to be babysat anymore—at home, at least—and I'm perfectly happy to spend my days alone. You do so much for all of us, Esme. If there's something you want to do for yourself, there's nothing stopping you."

I hummed to myself, trying to decide what I thought about that. "We'll stop at the market first. It's up there on the left, just after the light."

"Don't we have plenty of food already?"

"I still try to be seen shopping for food fairly often, and I divide it between two different stores. We can just deliver it with the rest."

We pulled into the supermarket parking lot and, after a reassuring peek up at the clouds, went inside. The minute we did, Jasper's easy manner evaporated. He held himself stiff as he walked, glancing constantly around at the other shoppers, up at the bright lights, around the walls to map the exits. I noticed after a few moments that he wasn't breathing anymore.

"You really aren't comfortable with this, are you?" I said with a frown. "When's the last time you were out in public like this? Indoors?"

"It's been a while," he said, using as little air as possible. "I went shopping with Alice last month, although those stores were a lot smaller. I don't think I've ever been in an indoor space this big and... crowded."

I decided to fill several bags with fresh fruit. Jasper was all thumbs about it at first, carelessly packing apples and tomatoes and grapes into one bruised mess of a bag, but he learned quickly. I chattered on about which fruits and vegetables were most appreciated by the food banks and why, but he was looking more uncomfortable every second.

His steps slowed to a stop when we passed the butcher. The young man working behind the counter was expertly wielding a long, serrated knife, flicking it in and out of the huge chunk of red meat on his counter. Little pools of bloody fluid had collected along the counter and the floor.

"You're staring," I whispered. "And the butcher probably isn't the best place for us to linger." Jasper swallowed and moved on.

"All it would take is one slip of that knife," he whispered back. He finally drew another breath. "You know I wouldn't be able to stop myself. And there are so many witnesses. Is it really worth the risk to bring me in here?"

"It'll be worth it as soon as we walk out the door," I said firmly. "You need to expose yourself like this far more often, or you're never going to build any confidence. Every time you walk out of a building and leave everyone alive is a success. And it'll be easier than this when you go to school," I added. "Most of the time, everyone will be sitting still and you won't have to worry about spontaneous bleeding."

Jasper shook his head, glancing back at a pair of children who were horsing around while their mother chatted with a friend. "I should have hunted first."

"You're fine," I insisted.

We went on for a few more minutes, but it really was crowded, and the tension was radiating off poor Jasper in waves now; I supposed we had better wrap it up. I reached for his hand, trying to focus on feeling calm for his sake. But instead I received a jolt of fear the instant I touched his skin.

"Fear?" I said in surprise. "Jasper—"

He yanked his hand out of mine and stalked right out the door.

I finished my shopping quickly, filling the cart with a few more piles of dry goods selected at random. When I got back outside, Jasper was leaning against the car door with his arms folded, looking perfectly human again and more apologetic than ever.

"I'm sorry," I said before he could say it first. "I was just trying to help. I shouldn't have touched you when you were already upset."

"It wasn't that," he said. "I just... it was time to get out of there. The horror film, the crowd, then the thing with the knife, and those two kids..."

He took the cart from me without another word and busied himself getting the groceries into the trunk. When we were back inside the car, he sat in thoughtful silence for another moment, fingering the leather cuff on his wrist, tracing the metal lines of the Cullen crest.

"...And it makes me ashamed," he said, finally looking me in the eye.

"Being afraid?"

"Being weak. It's been seven years, Esme. I should be stronger than this by now. I should be able to walk into a human space and do what you all do."

I thought he should too, but I did my best not to feel like it. Carlisle likened Jasper's struggle to human drug addiction more than anything else, and that didn't promise an easy "recovery," I supposed.

"You are able to do it," I said. "It's just harder for you. Maybe this was a bit much, after the horror film. And it really was crowded in there. But why the fear? Correct me if I'm wrong, but when you make a mistake, you aren't quite as... well, upset as some of us might be. Mistakes happen, so why fear them?"

"I fear the consequences. So far, we've been lucky. It's happened out of town with no witnesses. But what if it did happen in a place like this? Those witnesses would need to be taken care of. All of them." He looked away, squinting like he was looking at something in the distance. "I could do what needed to be done, in that case. But I don't like to think about how you all would feel about that. And what if it was even worse? What if I caused a real breach and it put us all in danger?"

"What if?" I sighed in agreement. "Those two little words have stopped so many of us from living, haven't they?"

Jasper sighed back, still staring out the windshield. But after a moment, the tension lifted. I smiled to feel the familiar shift toward a particularly dreamy happiness that could only mean one thing: he was thinking of Alice, of the day they had met and she had completely derailed his misery. It always felt like this.

"Diner Day?" I teased him, touching his sleeve.

He smiled. "You know me too well."

"Well enough to know that moping and inaction don't suit you," I pressed him. "I'm not saying this will be easy for you anytime soon. I'm just saying that you've got to press on and keep challenging yourself. Taking risks is the only way forward."

He digested that for a moment, then sat up straighter and started the engine. "Where are we going next?"

I raised an eyebrow. "So you're ready for more?"

"I don't feel ready," he admitted, "but let's go."

We compromised in the end. I steered him by way of the county park and pushed him out the door so he could go find something to take the edge off. He returned in just a few minutes, wearing a sour expression.

"Goose?" I guessed, trying not to laugh at him.

"Squirrel," he grumbled.

.

.

By the time we reached the food bank, Jasper was in better spirits. He told me about the correspondence course he was taking in continental philosophy. He had started taking his first class back in Oregon, registered under Emmett's name, so he'd had to start over once we moved here with new identities. He hadn't done very well on his first paper, but he was determined to improve.

"I just don't know what the professor is looking for," he admitted.

"You'll get the hang of it, I'm sure," I said. "After all, it's been a century or so, and you've never even been to high school in either of your lives. Just up there." I pointed out the food bank. Jasper swerved the car over a little too quickly, earning an angry chorus of car horns and slammed brakes. No one was hurt, but there was no hiding my panic at what had almost happened.

"I'm sorry… again," Jasper sighed. He wrenched the keys out of the ignition and tried to hand them to me. "I think you'd better"—he took one look at my shaky smile—"uh, let me drive home so I can practice more."

"Now you're getting the hang of it."

He smirked and jammed the keys back into his pocket. We opened the trunk and carried the first boxes in to the food bank.

"Good morning, George!" I called out. The elderly volunteer backed out of the aisle he had been working in and began to limp toward me.

"Mrs. Cullen," he said with his usual rheumy smile. "Oh, let me help you with that—!"

"It's quite all right," I said. I piled my box on top of the one in Jasper's arms. After a split second, he remembered to act like the load had just gotten heavier. "I have a lot today, so I brought a helper. This is my husband's nephew, Jasper. He's visiting us this week before he heads off to school."

"How do you do," Jasper said warily.

"Good for you, young man!" George said, limping on out to the car. "Nice to see some young folks getting involved. What school? What're you studying?"

Jasper looked to me for an answer. "Wayne State," I said without missing a beat. "Jasper, have you chosen a major yet?"

"Um… philosophy?" he said.

George was already digging around in the trunk of my car. "That's nice… oh, tuna fish! That's just what we need. Hey! Come over here and help me, sonny."

Jasper stood awkwardly holding out his hands to receive box after box, intently watching George as the old man worked.

"Thirst okay?" I asked under my breath.

"Just fine," Jasper whispered back. "I'll tell you later."

Since he seemed more comfortable, I asked George to give us a little tour of the warehouse. It was good for Jasper to spend some time around an individual human without the strain, and the reminder that humanity was capable of good things couldn't hurt either. Learning how to see them as people was a big part of his struggle. He kept surprisingly close to George the whole time, listening with rapt attention.

"All right," I said when we were back in the car. "Next stop…" Deep breath. "The university."

"You mean Wayne State? Isn't that down in Detroit?"

"That's the one."

Jasper looked slightly panicked. "I thought we were just using that as the cover story. I don't think—"

"We're not going for you. We're going for me."

"Oh. So you're ready to do this?"

"I don't feel ready," I said, "but let's go."

[luckystarchild]

Sometimes I get a little... frustrated... by the reactions to Lucky Child.

(No one is doing anything wrong. This isn't a callout post.)

Fiction that is serialized one chapter/installment at a time over a long period of time suffers from "No Instant Answers Disease." In a book, if you have a question about something that occurs midway through the narrative, you can read to the end and (most of the time) get your answer unless the author forgets the plot thread or something. But with serial fiction that is incomplete, you can't keep reading. You just have to sit with whatever the plot point is, wondering.

Sometimes LC (and most ongoing work probably) gets comments that express frustration over something that I, the author, know will get resolved eventually. But on a few specific topics, folk consistently will write comments that accidentally imply I'm like... writing about pointless stuff?? And I KNOW they don't mean to imply that, and that they're just giving an emotional response to the drama I MYSELF CREATED, which means it's impacting them emotionally and that means my writing of the subject was successful, BUT it's still a little frustrating on my part when people seem to imply that I'm wasting time/words/story on something "useless" or "pointless" or something that "doesn't matter." FRUSTRATING that they think I'm just wasting words!

But it's not frustrating in a "they're wrong" kind of way, mind you. It's frustrating in a "I can't give them any assurances without dropping massive spoilers and now I'm caught between a rock and a spoilery place" kind of way!

Big LC spoilers if you haven't read past chapter 110 or so. Click to keep reading.

Specifically I'm talking about the "None of this is real" plotline. For those who need a refresher, Hiruko implied that the world/people around NQK may not be "Real" by some obscure definition, and NQK spends a lot of time agonizing over what that means in both a practical and philosophical sense, and if it means anything at all.

In chapter 109, NQKagome reacts super emotionally to this whole idea, insisting that the people around her MUST be real. She loves them, and she feels they love her, so the idea that they're "philosophical zombies" that are basically just really good fake people makes her have an anxiety attack. And a lot of readers SWIFTLY sided with NQKagome, and/or they argued "It doesn't actually matter if they're real or not."

It's that last argument I find really frustrating. The implication that "this topic they're spending time on doesn't matter and they shouldn't even worry about it" is, unintentionally, kind of implying that the time we're spending talking about the concept itself doesn't matter, which is in turn an implication that it has no bearing on the plot/story/characters, which is kind of a sideways comment about my writing/storycraft itself. It's implying I'm spinning my wheels on useless crap.

And I know that's not what's intended by those comments, which are instead likely just emotional reactions to a heavy concept, but like... "Hey author, this thing you've devoted thousands of words to doesn't actually matter or have a point, I think it's useless for the characters to care about it" is a frustrating thing to hear.

Because it does matter.

I wouldn't be writing about it at such length and in such detail if it didn't matter.

But I can't like... explain why it matters, or even the DEGREE to which it does or doesn't matters, because even hinting at how big (or small) of a deal it may be could be SUPER spoilery if you're even a LITTLE good at deducing metanarrative. So I just have to sit here nervously laughing to myself going, "Heheh, yeah, uh, it toooootally doesn't matter at all, noooo... (*nervous fidgeting*)" and feeling frustrated that the reader doesn't trust me to write about things that "matter."

Oh god, this is a trust issue. I just figured that out now while writing this.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if LC were complete, you could just read to the end and figure out why/how it matters instead of implying it's a useless waste of time, but LC isn't complete, so...you can't. BUT I also know that the impassioned responses to the "Is this Real?" question show just how deeply the topic gets under people's skin, and that's great for me as a writer, because it shows me where I can focus to get people emotionally invested. Even the most hostile "this sucks and this topic shouldn't matter" responses show me I've struck a nerve, which is a GOOD thing in the end. I should take those comments as compliments.

But all in all, I GUESS those frustrating responses and my reactions to them indicate how much I need to finish the damn story, so maybe this frustration is a good thing in the end... but please, for the love of fanfic, please TRY and trust that if I spend a long time talking about something in the story, it's probably because I'm laying the groundwork for plot later. Don't fall prey to "No Instant Answers Disease."

"Just trust the process and let me cook." That's the moral (antidote?) here.

And that's my rant. Thanks for reading.

[chaoticevilbean]

A "Short" List of Empires S2 HC's (mostly about goblins)

I added the quotes around short bc I think my concept is skewed

Goblins have white blood. Bc of this, they blush pale green

Goblins define "adult" as having to be dual-held - AKA if you can hold onto someone and they don't need to use their own hands to keep you up, you are "child"

Goblins do not get fevers. Instead, they get so cold that they can freeze water and make breath turn to fog

Goblins have the ability to stretch their mouths incredibly wide. Think a chipmunk or squirrel, then make it bigger. Fwhip can easily store several blocks of gold, a stack of rocks, and a bundle in his mouth, with room still for him to eat pork.

Goblins Do Not have a Danger Sense. They see things and only know they're Dangerous bc someone tells them. This is because Wardens = Friends, creepers and zombies and such that spawn underground have learned to be neutral towards goblins, and it's basic understanding that if you do not want to burn, do not touch the Lava.

Fwhip met a creeper aboveground for the first time and it didn't blow up bc he ran up to it and asked for directions. All other rulers are free game, but Fwhip is too nice.

(A side HC is that Lizzie was raised by the goblins and that's why she founds Animalia so close to Gobland. Hence, she has all of the behaviors of a goblin, and all the perks that go with being one)

Gobland has the best alcohol. No one knows what it is, since there isn't any wheat or crops in general in the caves, but it tastes good... until the second one, where you start to have some fuzzy memories.

Goblins have incredbly sensitive hearing. This means that even w/lots of machines and people, the caves are eerily quiet. Upworlders think they're scared of the deep dark bc of this.

Goblins have really good sense in general. Eyesight? They can see in any light for quite a while and pretty far. Just don't have them looking at in bright light for too long. It can strain them. (Fwhip really likes the sunglasses Gem gives him. No more headaches.)

Goblins run, climb, jump, dash, etc, a lot due to the nature of caves. Aboveground, they'll use trees, bushes, animals, people, etc. Joel is considered prime Perching material, so he doesn't even flinch when Fwhip just leaps onto his shoulders and sits there like a very strange cat.

Fwhip is 3'1". He is tall for a goblin. The average height of a goblin is 2'4" (1'9" -> 2'7")

Ginger hair = very powerful, so people tend to defer to Fwhip before he's even the leader

Goblins genuinely enjoy having many names and many outfits. THey share outfits + easily identify "costumes" (disguises), but they also respect "play" (pretending, acting, or lying to an Upworlder).

Lizzie is considered to be "playing". She is aware of this. Fwhip and her like to joke about it, since he really sees "human Lizzie" as a different person than "Lizzie" bc that's what you do to respect "play"

Lizzie eats raw food. Fwhip eats literally everything. What it is or the state it's in does not matter. They both are considered to be eating healthy regardless.

Fwhip does not like flying things, but deals w/most of them - he'll eat phantom meat, but Lizzie eats any chicken he manages to get. Or any chicken near him. The guy doesn't like the pests. It's the principle of the matter!

Lizzie is 4'3". She feels v short until Fwhip assures her she's tall. Catfolk and goblins are both reasonably sized people, unlike everyone else. A little tallness is okay for them.

Goblins have v sharp teeth. Fwhip especially, arguably bc he's constantly in danger as he does his projects + expands Gobland.

Fwhip's teeth smtms stick out when he's upset, concentrating, or holding back a big expression. Not much, but if someone pays attention, there's these little pokes coming out.

Earrings are common amongst goblins. And jewellry. They like to be shiny and feel pretty... or so Upworlders think. In reality, it helps w/visibility, as a reflective thing is easier to see in the caves, esp for eyes trained to find shiny ores + crystals.

Goblins have a natural sense of direction. They have no concept of cardinal directions.

Goblins have fast pupil adjustment. Turn the light on, off, on doesn't rlly affect them unless it happens for too long. It can seem a bit... to the left to Upworlders, as a goblin's pupils contract and dilate so fast you can't even see it.

Goblins are extremely strong. Upworlders say it's disproportionate, despite goblins insisting it's perfectly normal. Even Fwhip is unaware that the strength to size ration is much different from the other rulers.

Give a goblin something, they can make anything out of it. Just make sure to be specific. Asking for "food" or "building materials" might end up with green pork or sculk blocks.

Raw gold is "the Sun" of Gobland. It was given to them by the Ancients so they could still see the Sun, despite the cave.

"Stealing", "borrowing", "selling", "trading", "sun", "moon", "stars", "please", "money", "today", "day", "night", and all related terms have no direct translations in Goblish.

Goblins don't have the idea of "property" - they take what they need + try to help everyone have what they need. The closest thing to "property" is a word translated to "held dear", like keepsakes.

There is a great deal of communication + Upworlders think goblins are telepathic, a hive mind, have a squeaky yet guttural language (bc of how fast they can speak Goblish), etc. This comes from goblins nearly constantly talking to one another to figure out what they need to do.

Sun, moon, stars are not underground, so the closest words are translated to "raw gold" "glow lichen" and "sculk"

They rely on communication for timekeeping - cooks keep time bc they know when to make meals, miners come back to sleep as a group, etc.

"Please" is not necessary, though "thank you" roughly becomes "I'm glad you carried this with me"

Translations for colors are, roughly:

"redstone" for red

"lava" for orange

"green/blue crystal" (meaning emeralds + diamonds) for blue + green (it's one word for each, but they are derived from the word for "crystal"

"gold" for yellow

"dirt" for brown

so many shades of grey, black, + white, which makes Fwhip incredibly frustrated that there aren't any words for them in Common + he can't let them know what he's seeing

"Protector" = warden

"hide veins" = sculk

No words for seasons, upworld land features (such as mountain), etc

Goblins have retractable claws + tails to facilitate movement in caves. Part of why they get along with catfolk is these shared features. Tails are often wrapped around one's waist to act as belts when around Upfolk

Fwhip's Names, Who Gave Them, + Why:

Skelly - the cooks; it's slang for someone who's too thin, + Fwhip is considered too thin for forgetting to eat + being bigger

Protector-can't-stop - by smiths; meaning unstoppable force bc of how many projects he has + he doesn't even realize he's one of the best at smithing bc of it (he just wants netherite to stay safe)

Bright Light - by butchers; they all love pigs, so his positivity helps them feel better when they are killing the Hoglins

Juvenile - by clerics; meaning curious bc of how many questions he asks/asked

Prismatic - farmers; he brings things from the Upworld to have in Gobland, bringing lots of color into the caves

Bersagliere - fletchers; he is a sharpshooter, bc smtms you need to shoot a creeper or phantom very suddenly

Dexterous - leatherworkers; he's good w/the softer materials most goblins struggle with

Literacy - librarians; most goblins don't know how to write, even if they usually can read enough Common to get by

Pebble - masons; so he feels better when he's upset at being tall

Raw Gold - goblins in general; to show their respect for their leader

Chosen - by Protectors; old slang for "Fated" bc LORE

Fwhip - by Lizzie; he "fwhipped" out of nowhere to greet her, so her first impression was the sound. It means friendship to him, so he's confused why people who insist they aren't his friends use the name?

Child - older folk; mostly bc he's "an orphan"

Miscellaneous Names: Gobby, Goblin, Gremlin, Green Man, Deputy, etc

Salmon - Joel; Lizzie only ate Cod when he gave it to her, so she's Cod, Joel is Puffer, and Fwhip is Salmon.

Goblins can smell everything. Ea person has a unique scent, so identifying who's been w/who, etc, is pretty easy for them. Wither roses smell like memories + souls. Blocks + items have different smells, so traps are easy to find + disable. Every species smells different, + magic is no different.

The #1 Priority is Safety!... But it's Gobland. It's built w/the idea that 4ft is high, so Upworlders... struggle.

Fwhip started as an explorer of the deep dark. Then he was braver than any others in centuries + ventured to... the Upworld.

He is not "ruler". More accurate would be "pioneer" or "chosen" meaning he is fated to be the Guardian of Goblins (who gives them space + safety to grow).

He isn't afraid of heights, bc he's a goblin. He's scared of wide open spaces. If he's hanging from the ceiling of the cavern by one claw, whatever. If he's in a meadow, get him out.

Making things for someone = v pos relation in goblin culture. Anticipating what is needed + providing before asked = v post relation. Romance is communicated by giving colorful things that will be enjoyed.

Goblins do not have labels for relationships. They love as they will + who they will, only caring that all parties are comfortable. Which means that either they don't realize that they're not in a romantic relationship w/Upworlders, or they are overly cautious about presuming as such.

Going by Goblin standards, Fwhip is romantic partners w/Shelby, Joel, Jimmy, Scott, and Sausage. He is, in fact, unaware of Upworld customs beyond "marriage = guaranteed forever relationship", and he gets that from Lizzie + Joel being married.

Goblins don't care how many or few relationships someone has, though they are very community based and tend towards an average of four romantic partners.

Due to goblins having befriended basically everything underground, the Drip offers a plethora of special drinks. They can provide for: Protectors, goblins, zombies, creepers, skeletons, pigs + boars, spiders, axolotls, bats, glow squid, endermen, iron golems, blazes, drowned, endermites, silverfish, ghasts, magma cubes, slimes, shulkers, wither skeletons, allays, cats, squid, striders, and goats. Humans, elves, fairies, and dwarves could be provided for, but it's... it's a little iffy.

Goblins purr, growl, hiss, squeak, chirp, bleat, roar, crow, and occasionally howl. These are considered to add to conversation, along the same lines as body language, and often more important if you're in different tunnels. Fwhip + Lizzie often add noises like this into their conversations, but are both a bit nervous about their friends finding out since it's not normal like it is w/goblins.

Goblins have 2 ways they can be "born":

Ore-spawn. They are born of rocks, mined up like one might with ores. Veins typically contain about 20-30 goblin babies. They all look roughly the same, with mild variations based on what they were near. (ie. a baby that was right next to the deep dark is going to be slightly different than one surrounded by other babies)

Pod-made. Instead of reproducing as Upworlders do, goblins create pods that look like boulders (to them, so actually rather small). These pods are placed in the deep dark, where Protectors watch over them. Anyone can make a goblin pod, as long as they know what they're doing + they are placed in the care of the Protectors. The person/people who make the pod affect the appearance of the goblin. The materials can be next to everything so long as, again, it is considered a goblin pod in the care of Protectors.

Ore-spawns take about 3 decades to form, though are not considered "ripe" until 6 decades.

Pods take 5 years to have properly formed babies. Bc of this, Gobland operates on pod-cycles instead of years. There are abt 2-5 pods ready to open ea year. Hatching involves the babies beginning to mimic shriekers + the adults rushing to break through the outer layer to pull them out.

Lizzie + Joel are the only people who know how to translate days/months/years into pod-cycles. (1/12 of a pod-cycle for months, 1/365 of a pod-cycle, etc)

Fwhip's pod randomly appeared amongst the others, + hatched about 5 days later than the others. It was made of raw gold + some strange sculk/quartz/crying obsidian material.

On an absolutely completely unrelated note, he's had strange occurrences his whole life, may or may not have encountered absurdly friendly fae, and is more comfortable in the deep dark than even his fellow goblins.

Fwhip is the leader bc of being "fated/chosen" which means he's basically in charge of everything as soon as he became an adult. He doesn't really know how to explain to Upworlders that he's not "the Chosen One" so much as just being supremely weird + odd in every way, so he sticks w/ "I'm the tallest" as the reason.

None of his friends besides Lizzie are aware that this is a technical lie (him being tall is part of the reason, since it's weird to be so tall). Each of them (even Jimmy as a villain) are incredibly worried that one day a goblin will outgrow Fwhip + he'll just vanish bc he only seems to come up bc he's the leader. Each of them, bc of this, are committed to preventing any goblin from being taller than Fwhip. Fwhip is unaware of this. Lizzie never figured out how to tell them that they're wrong.

Wardens do not attack Lizzie if she's a cat, but will attack "Lizzie the Human"

Fwhip helped build the first Animalia buildings, but left once villagers arrived so Lizzie could start her reign as "Mayor Lizzie, the Completely Human Mayor of Animalia"

As the only goblin exploring the Upworld, Fwhip's the only one to encounter nearly all types of mobs. He has discovered that all mobs can be befriended EXCEPT guardians, elder guardians, and phantoms. These three are added to the only Nether mob that can't be befriended: the hoglin.

Goblins remember more history than Upworlders. Their average lifespan is 360 years, so the 1000 y since S1 is a lot less for them (abt 8 gen instead of 38)

Fwhip actually knows a lot of history, for his project inspo + bc he likes to hang w/the Elders every now + then. He has no idea how to inform Pix that some of his "facts" are... woefully incorrect.

Goblins hang in the Nether often. They share a love of gold w/piglins + are very friendly w/them, so no goblin has to worry about getting attacked by them. (The gold jewellry is for other reasons)

Goblins only need to drink every 2 weeks, eat every month, sleep every 2 months. They don't need to breathe much (as in can hold their breath for hours) + can shut off both sides of their throats. It's useful if they fall in water or encounter "bad air".

Neither goblins or Upworlders are aware of this difference in biology. Lizzie knows, but she's Lizzie + is aware of a lot of things abt goblins that no one else is, and she doesn't ever think to tell everyone else.

Goblins know where anything can be hidden. UPSIDE: They know where smth can be found if stolen or lost, easily hide important items, etc. DOWNSIDE: things are randomly found bc a goblin put it there, finding smth a goblin took is near impossible, etc

Goblins view eating sculk like eating dirt: Non-harmful, children do it, but why? Just ask for some food!

Goblins will adopt. The random child they found is an orphan? Theirs. They feel unsafe at home? Theirs. They've gotten lost? The goblin is going to find their caretaker to give them a piece of their mind.

Goblins therefore have folklore that says they "steal" children.

Goblins community-raise children. Every person is expected to contribute in some way. Sometimes that way is to teach the child a random skill. Sometimes it's helping build another building to provide room for the children.

Goblin boars are like giant forest hogs, as in massive. They are 6'7" at the shoulder on average, + abt 700 lbs. they carry loads through tunnels, usually loads of food or materials for stabilizing, before tracks are put down.

Snort, Sniff, + Boris are the only Goboars to go aboveground (besides the Gobville boar, Borus), purely bc they are proportionate to Fwhip (by goblin standards. Snort is 8'11", ~ 950 lbs; Sniff is 8'10", ~940 lbs; Boris 8'8", ~ 920 lbs.

Fwhip gets amazing deals from wandering traders bc he trades so often w/them to get things the caves don't have. He knows nearly all of them by name.

Joel met Lizzie + Fwhip when he was still human. Both shorter beings are his partners, but not with each other bc they're like siblings

Goblins can see tracks on stone + other rock, though Upworlders + even other cave-dwellers can't even tell that easily w/dust

Fwhip has trained himself to smile carefully to prevent his friends from seeing how strange his teeth are, or worse, scaring them.

Lizzie knows the most about goblins out of non-goblins. Joel knows second-most bc he's been close friends w/both cat + gremlin for decades. Oli also knows a decent amount, bc he was stuck in the cage for weeks.

Oli, unbeknownst to himself or anyone else, is considered a goblin. The reason? He's "actively contributing to his people", which is why his lack of paying more of his debt meant his land became part of Gobland. Fwhip really wants Oli to keep his goblin status.

Goblins use iron to help w/teething, like gum.

Baby goblins are often covered in rocks for protection while their watchers are in the mines, exploring, etc. Upworlders may mistake this for ore-spawning children.

Inchlings, known as "blues" to goblins, are roughly 3 inches tall + live in mutualistic symbiosis w/goblins. (I got this from someone saying goblin Fwhip + smurf Fwhip should meet)

Gobland's entrance is a little too short for most Upworlders, so many of them will hit their heads at some point, and concussions are somewhat commonplace. Goblins have a slightly skewed idea of how Upworlders act bc of this.

A goblin baby is a pebble + a group of pebbles is a cluster. (This is blatantly taken from another person's post, but I don't remember who it was. Someone else came up with this one.) Blues use the same terminology. Pigs/boars/piglins/hoglins are called bunches of stones.

Goblins don't mind rawness or blood, so they'll hunt in the Upworld if they feel the need to, + are willing to eat it right then. Fwhip is careful he doesn't get seen doing it bc it's... a Sight, + he + Lizzie check ea other for blood in their teeth. Blood on clothes can be explained away, but in teeth is decidedly harder.

Goblin Anatomy + Growth! (yes this is massively overthought, but no one can judge me in this fae realm)

Until ~ 42y (what they gain/have in this time) : ~ 1'10"; first row of teeth, which look like a human's; first claws, ~ 2x the length of a human's, but sharp + v hard; tail to knees, w/small tuft; can't hop yet; pupils dilate/contract involuntarily; eat ~ every 3 days, drink every 1, + sleep every week; carried on torso via them clinging monkey-style

~ 49y Growth Spurt (what they get) : 1-2"; second row of teeth, grinders for rocks behind the first; claws now have "sharp" retractable (meaning the sharp tips are "retracted" to have rounded ends); tail to calves

~ 54y GS : tuft fluffs slightly; now able to hop; eat ~ every 5 days

~ 60y GS : drink ~ every 3 days, sleep ~ every 11 days (essentially just a bodily efficiency growth spurt, smth strange to everyone but goblins)

~ 67y GS : 1-3"; third row of teeth, needle-like, in front of first set; second claws, from first knuckle, used to secure hold in rock, v big (1-2" past fingertip); tail to ankles; eat every 11 days; carried on torso via dual-grip

~ 78y GS : 1-2"; tuft now v fluffy; tail (if straightened) at feet/ground plus 1"; pupils dilate/contract voluntarily; drink every 5 days, sleep every 3 weeks

~ 87y GS : 1-3"; tail + 2"; 3rd claws, from 2nd knuckles for extra security in rock; eat every 3 weeks, drink every week

~ 100y GS : 1-2"; tail + 1-3"; eat every month, drink every 2 weeks, sleep every 2 months

Extra (possible) GS : markings, extra claws, fluffs along tail, extra rows of teeth

For average goblin, tails grow 6" past feet max

Tufts change to be brighter + fluffier (darker, slimmer fluffs blend in better w/rocks)

Claws are on both hands + feet, + are v strong. They're meant to help hold onto rocks. Goblins can hang by one set of claws, one-handed, from the ceiling, + can use their feet like hands. V useful for moving around where there is little concept of up + down

Ears ~ 5" long

Irises may glow in the dark; pupils are cat-like

Fwhip is considered odd anatomy wise

He has a tail 1'11" past feet, which looks a bit like a braided belt when he wraps it around his waist.

He weighs ~ 40 lbs, w/lift ~ 800 lbs (at least), which is perfectly reasonable to a goblin (if a little heavy to compensate for height). To his friends, he weighs maybe as much as wolf, + can lift at least a small ravager.

Ears are abt 1'2". This makes him seem much more expressive, since ears are a part of goblin body language.

He has extra claws from his 3rd knuckles + just under his hand + feet heels.

He requires less than most, too, eating a full meal abt every 2 months, drinking abt a gallon every month, sleeping 8 hours abt every 3.5 months

He has small, spaced fluffs down his tail.

He has markings that are called (in Goblish) lava, sculk, gold, + a few others. (Goblins have names for types of markings, + most who have them have at couple types)

His eyes change color depending on various factors + he can somewhat control it. This is a rarer trait, but still found in a few people.

He has needle teeth in the back of his throat, a few hard nubs on the roof of his mouth, + some tusk-fang-teeth that are right in front of his first set + sometimes stick out.

Goblins, having no sense of property, often just take things from places. This is why communication is so prominent, so if someone wants something that another has taken, it can be figured out who needs it/wants it more or if it's viable to trade tools, etc.

This also means that, due to the culture clash w/Upworlders, if someone claims that a goblin has "stolen", they will try to trade/sell the thing back, bc it's the basic knowledge they have of property.

Fwhip has made several magical artifacts that have ended up in the Overworld, though he doesn't realize they're special, since many goblins make similar items.

The skull that took Scott's eye is Skeletron's skull. It has magic that means that Skeletron is alive so long as the person the eye belongs to is still alive. So, to get rid of Skeletron, both eyes have to be destroyed (like switching the eyes w/two sheep's eyes + killing both) to destroy the skull. Fwhip is the one who made it, before it was stolen by the evil wizard, who then accidentally caused one of the original jewels to fall out. This jewel became Scott's replacement eye. The other jewel switched w/Pirate Joe's old captain's eye, before one of the connected entities died + the skull was put in the crypt for safekeeping.

Fwhip's badge is a keepsake, which means that Jimmy asking for it back is asking for every good memory of the Sheriff to disappear.

Goblins have scent glands on their palms to help track things (where they've gone, what they interacted w/, the same for their fellow goblins, etc)

Fwhip imprisoned Oli bc he decided the trade for Oli having "stolen" (bc humans are clearly Upworlders, panda hat or not) is that Oli is now a goblin. That is also why he is only given pork (a staple food), is up high (have to be used to ravines + such), + right above the deep dark (to get used to their neighbors).

Birthdays are not a thing to goblins. Joel does not have a birthday as he does not remember when it is. Joey also doesn't know his birthday, bc he is an orphan.

Scar + Tango are part goblin. Impulse is a full goblin, though he doesn't know, so he calls himself a dwarf. Fwhip doesn't correct anybody bc if they all want to play as different species, whatever.

Goblins sleep in piles bc of being community raised. Scott goes out w/the boys so he can get away from the Owen Situation, especially how Owen stands over him while he sleeps. He wakes up to a goblin on his chest, a Sausage on one side, a Jimmy that was pushed by Oli into his other side, + Joey having flopped on top of every bc he thought it was what they were doing. Joel is technically in the pile, but it's just Sausage holding his leg. Scott regrets everything, esp bc he moves his bed farther away the next night + Goblin Brain went "sick community member" so Fwhip was doing the cat thing where they sit right on your neck.

Goblin babies do not break easily. Ore-spawns will dig underground v v fast, leaving only a trail of pebbles, if yeeted. Pod-made just sit there, wondering why they've been yeeted.

The wardens spared Scar bc he's part goblin, but were very grumpy after the confrontation.

As @fantasykiri5 says, Fwhip plays the accordion. Oli helped him learn bc he realized that Fwhip was trying to make him a goblin.

Goblins seem to have no boundaries, bc they don't care too much abt the things Upworlders consider "standard", + they can hear practically everything. Once you hear a bit too much, why care abt... well, a lot?

Protectors are the iron golems of goblins. Instead of iron, it's sculk, + instead of the pumpkin, it's a copper block. Fwhip giving everyone Protectors is essentially his way of trying to protect those he cares about.

Fwhip doesn't call himself king. The other rulers do, though he's never really around to hear it.

Hermits average 4 ft, Catfolk average 4.5 ft, + Timmy was 1 ft while toy-size

Goblins can speak to/hear/understand rocks + sculk, which enables them to direct the spreading of sculk + know what places to not step bc the rocks say it’s brittle. They don't know that other people can't hear this, + it smtms means they think that people are malicious that are just unaware that the sculk is telling them to go the other way, they are TOO CLOSE to an vein of ore-spawn forming in that direction.

Fwhip's handwriting is actually immaculate. He can do the blocky text that you can color in if you want, he can do cursive, he can do tiny, he can do giant. The reason? Goblin brains are well suited for calculations, as this is need to stabilize tunnels, smelt differnet materials, and jump across ravines, amongst other things. Fwhip, however, thinks that the best style of writing is wonky bc it reminds him of the jaggedness of the caves. He finds Scott's writing particularly atrocious, but really likes Jimmy's chicken scratch

Fwhip used to pounce on Jimmy's shoulders. After their falling out, Fwhip does it mostly to annoy the other. He stops when Jimmy becomes small bc it means that he now tackles the other. Jimmy doesn't know how to feel about the change, but resolutely ignores he feels anything.

Other reactions of rulers to being used as a Perch are:

Sausage is delighted. He is a very small tree for a very large cat.

Gem has carefully instructed Fwhip on where he should jump, meaning that he jumps onto the same spot on her shoulders every time. This also means that she hardly notices him there, + will smtms go to visit someone only to realize that Fwhip is still there. (Yes, she has gone to visit Sausage like this. Yes, he thought it was normal yet the best thing ever. Yes, she only realized when Sausage addressed Fwhip.)

Katherine uses the goblin as a lookout while she monster-slays. She can also use him as a creeper deterrent. He only requests one piece of raw gold every few times, which is a good deal to not have to keep an eye out for mossy-explosives.

False doesn't mind. It's a bit odd, but ultimately not the weirdest thing she's encountered around here.

Oli is fine with it. It's a classic Fwhip move.

Pix originally did not mind, but then decided it was preferred to randomly finding the goblin somewhere. Honestly, anything is better than going down to The Machine and finding his friend eating the sculk. (It doesn't help that it's dark down there + he basically just saw a Creature dripping sculk from its mouth)

*see first mention for Joel

Lizzie has to give piggy-back rides bc she's too small

Shelby thinks it's funny, + smtms has Fwhip hide under her hat. A good way to startle her friends a second time if they've already realized Tortoise sits under there most days.

Pirate Joe decides that if he's annoyed at his parrots, he can threaten to ask Fwhip to be his shoulder buddy instead.

Scott is terrified of mentioning anything, + goes about his day in a state of fear that he'll upset Fwhip.

Owen thinks it's normal.

Fwhip, Lizzie, + Joel bonded over abandonment issues. (Fwhip was stolen when a baby, only to be dropped when the person ran after triggering a shrieker. He spent long enough waiting to remember it vividly. Lizzie was abandoned by her guardians when small(er). Joel doesn't know what happened to him that he can't remember his past well, but he presumes that he was left behind.)

Goblins have strong beliefs in spirits of various sorts. This goes from auras to ghosts to reincarnation to everything in between. If asked if they believe in one afterlife or another, they will respond w/ "Yes".

Fwhip's dress is highly representative of two things: his exploration of the Upworld, via the red color from the first flower he brought them that was promptly turned into dye, and of his... relations w/the other rulers.

Fwhip is asexual, and does not understand gender, sex, or anything similar. It's just Not something goblins have. He uses he/him pronouns solely bc Joel said he looked masculine way back when they first met, so hey, why not?

The jacket that Jimmy gave Fwhip for Lawyer is meant for an adult human, but the belt is meant for a child. This leads to Fwhip having to squeeze himself into the belt, but that jacket is... dragging like a wedding veil. Joel asks abt it later + Fwhip just groans + comments that humans suck at making proper outfits for "play".

Goblins fall asleep everywhere/anywhere. This is bc it is both easier to just sleep where one is than go all the way back + sleeping in a bed doesn't matter for a species that never encounters phantoms. Also bc of this, goblins retain their positions while sleeping. IE if a goblin falls asleep hanging from the ceiling by a single claw, you're more likely to see them wake up than fall down while sleeping.

Fwhip is not an exception. If he falls asleep, you could sooner move a mountain than move him from his place. It's worse than having a cat. You don't just feel bad, you fail.

Y'know how cats chase laser pointers? Goblins are, again, worse. Sausage starts using his shield to make a beam of light when he realizes Fwhip is paying very close attention. Ten seconds in, the goblin pauses, considers the beam, + LEAPS at Sausage's face. Bc he calculated where the beam was coming from + decided to catch the beam at the source. Every other ruler follows (except Lizzie).

Goblins do enjoy munching on rocks, which helps make their bones strong. They are surrounded by rocks, + a bite here and there does more help than harm. However, a goblin who is hungry or bored enough can eat an entire gatehouse by themself + still eat some pork after.

Gem + Fwhip, despite distance, are very good friends. Oh, the bard has fallen into a pit? Well, Fwhip has said that she saw nothing, so she saw nothing. Yes, the same Fwhip that dyed all her sheep grey and probably took bites out of her gatehouse.

Hermes considers the rulers his aunts/uncles. Lizzie + Fwhip are the cool ones. Gem gives the best snacks. Katherine is the amusement park aunt. Pix is the wine aunt. Oli, Shelby, + Joey ask that Hermes not say anything about their time w/them. Jimmy only just started being allowed around the kid. False doesn't know how to handle kids, but does decently well. Scott keeps trying to drop Hermes off with Fwhip, bc if someone is getting in trouble for giving the kid too much sugar, it's not gonna be him!

Scott is so confused during the Hermit x Empires crossover bc he's recovering from the equivalent of a magical flash grenade thrown directly into his eye.

Scott creates emerald-ore scented perfume specifically to fully clear his tracks + name. Pix loves it + asks if he can buy the man more. Within a week, every other ruler has asked for some for various reasons. He's making emeralds, but his stress has never been higher.

Scott used to have long hair, but cut it when he settled down bc he kept overheating while working in the sun. His fedora used to keep the heat off him, so he's glad to get it back.

Shelby is very good at making potions, even early on. Unfortunately, she never knows what the potions are going to do until after they're used.

The Gobland Courthouse is considered one of the best. Judge Pixlriffs is one of the reasons. The other is that trial by combat is not offered, so it's one of the most peaceful courthouses.

Eddie is the flirtatious one, as a well-put together harengon. Oli is a disaster, no matter what his sexuality.

It's an on-going joke that Pix is a grave-robber.

Shelby found out she was hanging with Evil Sausage when Sausage heard about the prank and came to warn her. Fwhip, however, only found out after the Merging, despite also being involved. His reaction is to pretend he knew the entire time. Shelby knows, but she's going to play along bc it's how they Friend.

Joel + Fwhip trade gold for raw gold bc they both value different types of gold.

The common method of goblins to deal with Upworlders acting weirdly is to try to get them to sleep. This is bc goblins don't understand how Upworlders + sleep work, and think that sleep is like a cure-all / best bet.

Joey can write, but not spell + barely read.

Joey + Shelby are actually really good friends at any point they aren't fighting over Katherine. Katherine is not rejecting either, but trying to get them to notice each other bc it's a lot easier if they will just confess. (Seriously, why do they have to be just like her parents?)

Katherine constantly fights with her parents over various things. Monster hunting, being friends w/anyone who's not "normal", rumors of her dating a pirate AND a witch, etc.

Fwhip and Joey are like Roger Rabbit: Fwhip can get into anywhere + do anything if its creature/gremlinly, and Joey can get into anywhere + do anything if he's stealing.

Joey is terrified of caves, but hides it well. He's also "mildly" terrified of Fwhip (+ all goblins) bc how do they live down there?!

If you give Fwhip a baby animal, he will treat it like his own child out of Pure Goblin Instinct. Sausage guards this as one of his greatest secrets + tools. A goblin w/a child is very calm.

Goblins are very open w/their emotions bc they see no point in hiding them. Fwhip trains himself not to, but can and will burst into tears if he so wishes, as a fun side effect.

Languages in their world include:

Goblish - Goblins

Piglion - Piglins

Common

Hermitian - Hermits

Enderspeak - Endermen

Spanish - Sanctuary people + wherever Sausage comes from

Netherish - Netherfolk

Gnomish - Gnomes

Elvish - Elves

Dwarvish - Dwarves

Chromish* - Chromians

Gearly - Cogsmeaders

Moorish* - Evermoorians

Piratespeak* - Pirates

Glimmering - Glimmer Grovians

Oli* - Oli

Stratos - Stratos

Dryspeak* - Tumble Tooners

Animal - Animals

Pix* - Pix

Ancient Common - previous residents of the Ancient Capital

French - Gem's old village

Dawn - Dawnels

*essentially just Common w/heavy use of accent and/or slang to the point of need a translator anyways

List of rulers who will hang upside down from your arm like a bat, if able: Fwhip, Lizzie, Oli, Pix, Joey, False or Katherine if you promise candy, Sausage if you ask

Pix is upset at Jimmy for letting the Mezalean King just walk out. Jimmy still doesn't know what Pix expected of him, and Pix refuses to say, but it remains unresolved.

Scott spent a week trying to shut off Oli's musical statue. He still, to this day, forgets to not walk close to the Goblin Cart of Pain.

Fwhip spent a week making an obsidian bracelet for Tango, who cried upon seeing it. Jimmy was not happy, but it made Tango happy, so...

Goblins made the Machine to help expand the deep dark, which is considered much safer (mobs didn't spawn, back when they were hostile to goblins). Fwhip, bc of this, likes to wait for Pix by the Machine, happily munching on sculk. Pix is always startled by the sudden appearance.

Goblins tend to compliment a lot more. Over everything. Many Upworlders have no idea how to handle 2 ft tall beings calling them 'pretty' and 'Tol' and other things said in the most casual yet positive voices.

Lizzie always lands on her feet... but even cats will die from a fall a little too high. She starts putting beds in her mines. Most think that it's so she can sleep when she's busy working. Mostly, it's so she can soften the too tall landings.

Sausage makes the best meals if you want something filling.

Scott has the best travel foods.

False has the best snacks, but Gem has the best sweets.

Jimmy can fry or smoke things.

Katherine can only cook using a campfire bc of one too many adventures.

Joel cannot cook to save his life.

Lizzie chooses not to cook, but can.

Fwhip is a great cook, if you remember to emphasize what is and is not in your diet.

Joey and Shelby cannot cook, but can stomach eating everything.

Oli is a 50/50 chance - either the best meal in days or the worst thing you've ever tasted.

Do not ask Pix to cook.

Scott is actually terrified of Fwhip in general, for a multitude of reasons. However, he abides to the "don't show fear, don't show weakness, and you're fine." Of course, this is the advice he gives absolutely everyone.

Joel, who distinctly remembers having a Lizzie on one shoulder + a Fwhip on the other arguing about whether they should skin a rabbit first or just eat it then before Lizzie fell off in a dramatic collapse after Fwhip called her a "stupid fluff-butt", thinks Scott is justified, but also incredibly silly. If Fwhip wished any of them ill, they wouldn't have a chance to prepare. He regularly teases his neighbor about being scared of "the tiny green man".

On a completely unrelated note, Scott has a bunker in his attic made of obsidian. He also has several tripwires to warn him if someone's nearby.

Every situation where Fwhip dies to a warden is explained as him having spent the night w/one of his fellow rulers, so they smell someone else, get confused, + attack him. Though every goblin agrees that it's better to happen to the respawner than anyone else.

Respawners are considered very powerful, no matter how young or old. Getting every advancement = becoming an adult. They technically speak a different language, but they don't notice it. They only switch when they're engrossed in conversation w/each other.

Fwhip, Lizzie, + Scott genuinely enjoy pickle juice. False, Sausage, + Joey are not opposed to it. Shelby, Jimmy, + Oli will lie about how good it tastes. Joel, Pix, + Gem will gauge how well the person might take it and respond accordingly. Katherine has not tried it. She thinks that she'll like it, but that it'll be weird, so she doesn't. She'll try it when the curse is gone.

Fwhip chews on sticks. Lizzie will do it if her teeth feel dull. Sausage tries it + declares it is a Good Thing To Do. Oli tries it, + makes "mmm, yummy" noises at an expectant trio.

Eddie repeatedly tries to either flirt w/or parent the rulers, to varying degrees of consistency + effectiveness.

Joel is, in fact, the tallest of the gods, bc he is the Mezalean-king-turned-god + that was really important to him so it carried over. Some people joke bc it's funny, some people genuinely don't know/can't tell (Lizzie, Hermes, other shorter peeps), + some people think he's the shortest god so they call him short (Fwhip, specifically). The second tallest god is exactly one inch shorter.

Fwhip sits on railroads. He hears minecarts long before they reach him, + knows exactly when to move + where to be out of the way. It terrifies other people, especially when he moves under the rails.

At some point, every ruler has attempted to do two things: trade jewels w/Fwhip + try to trade Sausage wood for other wood. Fwhip only trades jewels for smaller things, + immediately eats them, and Sausage....

Joel once declared that he was going to give his small partners neighbors a makeover. He used purple ribbons + amethyst to make Lizzie both Sparkle and Jingle. He used gold thread + braided Fwhip's hair (think Hiccup in HTTYD2). Both refused to take it all off for days.

The Bonnk Stick is as long as Fwhip's tail + 1 ft, as per standard schematics... or 4.5 ft, roughly. It is taller than pretty much all of the Hermits + also Lizzie. It's disconcerting for some of the less experienced, given a goblin has pulled out a weapon bigger than he is.

If he feels threatened, Oli does not take out a weapon and barely raises his lute in defense. Instead, he starts calling for help. In under a minute, one of three things happens: a goblin comes to take care of the issue before disappearing immediately after, an enormous animal rampages over the issue, or Oli is teleported to Dawn.

Goblins love clutter. They've got plenty of space, but not that much stuff, so when their Upworld Explorer starts bringing back STUFF- let's just say that he gets several lists from several people of what to look for (new flowers or materials or such).

Withering does not affect goblins due to their close relationship w/the Nether. Therefore, wither roses are a common sight in some of the Elders' windows, as a way of symbolizing age + memory.

Jimmy had no idea that goblins have cat-like pupils until he asked for Fwhip's badge (keepsake) back. Once he saw the goblin again, he was startled that Fwhip's pupils were oddly oval-shaped... Oh, no, that's slits. If Jimmy asks for the badge, the eyes are slitted.

The Deep Dark Adventure Trio still get together to go do shenanigans. Sausage is the distraction/frontline, Katherine is the force/common sense, + Fwhip is the grabby hands/scout

Goblins have three tongues: one like a human, used for speaking; one like a lizard, meant for moving things in the mouth; one like a butterfly - which is to say a straw to suck liquids out of places hard to reach

In the world of Empires, villagers view princesses as incredibly brave and strong. This is bc of two things:

Princess Gem of Dawn coming back from mining w/the Sheriff saying "Yeah, we met a warden, but look at all the stuff I got!"

and Princess Katherine of Glimmer Grave coming back from a trip w/a cut on her cheek saying "Oh, my goblin buddy needed help down in his ancient city so I lent him a hand w/the wool" + everyone reading btwn the lines (the cut is bc she tripped on the way back)

Sheriffs are viewed as slightly lesser than princesses, gods are viewed as from an entirely different dimension (maybe the End?) and therefore on a different scale, and goblins are small and scary and it is a testament to the bravery of both the aforementioned princesses that they are friends w/a goblin... and also that strange mayor who somehow rules over animals.

People seeing Snort from a distance: "what a strange horse" Snort: *runs towards them bc PEOPLE* People: *Panik* Meanwhile People seeing Fwhip from a distance: "what a strange cat" Fwhip: *runs towards them bc PEOPLE* People: *internally* "Don't call it cute. It will bite you"

Goat horns are actual forms of communication for the rulers. Sausage + Gem share one type. Joel + Sausage have one. Joey, Shelby, + Katherine have one (which was just Katherine's until the other two decided to pick that specific type). Lizzie + Fwhip have theirs, + also share one w/Oli + Scott, who both didn't realize until they had two tiny creatures blowing for aid. Jimmy does not have one, nor does False. Pix has every type. There is an unspoken rule that if you here your type of horn, you need to speak to the person who has it.

This rule has led to quick trades, help in emergencies, + the accidental acquisition of illager allies.

Related note, respawners don't look different from villagers + illagers. Usually, illagers wear different styles, villagers have different styles based on profession/location, + the tell-tale sign of a respawner (to a non-respawner bc nametags are visible to other respawners) is that they'll suddenly speak Spawnlang to each other, or they have something slightly to the left of a normal person.

Or individual tell-tale signs, that are just enough to go "oh, respawner".

Stare at False too long + you hear the sounds of a portal or clinking gears. Hand her raw iron or copper + don't blink, or there'll be more than you thought you gave her.

Gem seems normal, if a bit quirky. But the butterfly wings on her back move in non-existent breezes, and sometimes the ribbons that hold her crown in place as she flies twist as though alive. She doesn't seem to eat or drink anything besides honey.

Jimmy is a normal Sheriff, completely regular + is truly believed to be a normal human. But he is adamant he is nothing besides that, in a way that suggests he's insecure about it. Why would a human be insecure- unless the human in question is a bit off...

A pirate crew of different species doesn't heed the terms "normal" or "strange" very much. But sometimes you are sure that your captain's new kid isn't exactly a kid. Sometimes a person grows up and doesn't seem to change all that much - in places they definitely should've. Joey's always been good at being confident, which helps to convince people to not look closer

A god is always going to be different. But some gods are a little too mortal. They can't be killed, or don't stay dead, but there's a look in someone's eyes when they understand considering death, understand it in the way of someone who's certain they won't come back. Joel doesn't know he looks like that, only that when he holds the hand of a sick child, or of an elder who doesn't want to be alone when it happens, he remembers being small, and seeing a zombie bearing down on him.

Sausage bounces a bit to high. Watch him move + there's a moment when he seems to teleport a few blocks ahead of where he should be.

Katherine isn't cursed. But people like to blame it on a person when their world gets weird. And the princess is weird! She knows languages that no one else has spoken, + speaks randomly (that one might learn w/access to a chat of beings who know those languages, + not knowing to not respond aloud).

No one knows where Pixlriffs came from, only that he lives in ruins + studies the old world. Of course he's distracted by things, + looks to the side while speaking to people. He's not exactly down-to-earth... + he's just awkward, right? That's all.

Oli is always strange. Perhaps it's his references of things that haven't happened, or he couldn't have been around for. Perhaps it's when he comes in knowing what's happening, but not enough time has passed for him to have heard of it.

A magic eye will pierce your soul. But which of Scott's eyes is the magic one? His colorwork is amazing, which is how he's managed to get so far. But you're certain that it used to be colored leather, or a basic design, not what you're wearing.

Shelby's hands are always cold. She claims that the swamp is a cold place, but shouldn't her hands be warm? She smiles if you ask, + then you forget you ever did. All you have is a vague memory of the smell of mushroom stew + the feel of blaze powder on your fingers.

Lizzie smells of fish, + it's a little too pungent. She hates the water, so why does she always smell of the ocean? She hates the Sheriff on her friend's behalf, so why does she seem to have terracotta on her clothes, until you look closer + she doesn't?

Fwhip is strange. A pod w/out a maker, a few days late being "born". A need to go Up, to explore deeper, to visit places no one else goes. Yet he's also a bit too... not there. He sometimes stands + stares at nothing, like he's seeing something that no one else can see, w/out ever moving his eyes. He peers + it's like he's got a spyglass, seeing further than even goblin vision should go.

Owen definitely finds it strange that he can someone open a lot of writing on the side of his vision, which doesn't exist for anyone else. He doesn't even know what he's doing! And why does everyone have nametags- well, not everyone, but definitely Scott!

False is pretty chill w/whatever. Esp in regards to her fellow rulers. She thinks that so long as they are nice, she doesn't really care. Nice ranges from kindly informing her that they are going to steal all her iron when she next leaves to providing her w/a totem of undying immediately after a recent... series of a certain event on repeat.

Do The Rulers Drink Coffee Or Not?

False: Averages two cups to wake up, + another each hour

Gem: Averages a cup a day

Jimmy: A cup in the morning, another w/lunch

Joey: He does not drink coffee initially. He comes over to visit 'his princess' in the morning, starts pestering her, + goes "what're you drinking" before just drinking straight from the pot. Cue his discovery of the Amazingly Awful Zoom Juice + The Ultimate Amusement of Other Rulers

Joel: Sometimes, when needs a pick-me-up

Sausage: ...yeah, he's made it clear.

Katherine: Drinks lots. She is exhausted every day due to her monster-slaying, + has to keep it a secret so she's gotta be awake during the day. It's part of her pep, being constantly caffeinated as a form of energy

Pixlriffs: He carries large quantities of it on his person at all times

Oli: If he can get it, he has some, but he doesn't drink it all too often. Surprisingly, he's just like that

Scott: Yes. He drinks coffee to wake himself up, at mealtimes, every hour, when he blinks, when he has to interact with a llama, or just feels like it

Shelby: She is the Empires equivalent of a college student

Lizzie: No. She is proper cat, taking adequate time for sleeping

Fwhip: He doesn't know what coffee is either! He finds out when he goes to visit the Sheriff + recognizes the drink in Jimmy's hand as what Pix always has. He stares for exactly how long it takes for Jimmy to notice before he swipes + downs the whole thing. Jimmy, knowing that banning Fwhip from drinking it won't work, bans everyone from giving him coffee. The haunted look guarantees even Joel + Scott listen

Do The Rulers Drink Tea Or Not?

False: Maybe. Depends on her mood bc there's a bit more effort in making tea

Gem: Absolutely and often

Jimmy: Nope. He lives in the mesa + doesn't appreciate the taste of "leaf-water"

Joey: He thinks tea is putting random leaves into boiling water + waiting until it's cooled off. He has had some "fun" experiences

Joel: If he's sitting down for a while, probably, but otherwise, he's too busy building

Sausage: Sure!

Katherine: She actually hates it, bc her parents always pushed it as "proper"

Pixlriffs: He loves to!... when he has time + energy to actually make it into his kitchen instead of exploring (or passing out on the floor)

Oli: Yep. Easy to acquire, he can put a kettle on while he's tuning, drink some as he sings, help him warm up, etc

Scott: Yes, but not often for similar reasons to Pix

Shelby: Yes! She's actually adopted Joey's style of making tea, + hasn't (exactly) regretted it

Lizzie: She likes it when Joel makes it

Fwhip: Definitely. He drinks it almost as much as Scott + Pix drink coffee, esp since he can no longer drink both coffee + tea

Do The Rulers Sleep?

YES, + try to get at least one other to: Gem, Jimmy, Sausage, Scott, Shelby, Lizzie

YES, + don't particularly care if others do: Joey, Oli

NO: False, Joel, Katherine, Pixlriffs, Fwhip

Scott helps paint Fwhip's nails. It only took once to get over the sudden appearance of an extra 3/4 sets of what he now knows are actually dulled claws.

Scott cries when Lizzie asks for hers, bc (1) she trusts him, (2) he doesn't know if he should, since the polish might hurt her when she retracts, and (3) he did this to himself, so he can't blame anyone.

Making their own gunpowder/rockets is no longer just bc Jimmy doesn't have gunpowder. The new citizens that Lizzie found now work in the factory, providing Animalia w/economic stability, while Gobland uses the explosives for mining, aiding in keeping up w/any increased population growth (such as ore-spawns) or gathering materials for export. The Smol Duo actually don't understand why he's upset, since both Animalia + Gobland (+ Stratos) aren't selling, + the trade deal w/Joey means Jimmy could feasibly make the same by just. Stocking Joey's. Stratos is the only place that was paying for gunpowder, + they usually chose to instead go through Gobland, which was under the ground. Plus, both Lizzie + Fwhip have loose/unclear definitions of "legal"

Fwhip + Lizzie smtms decorate their tails, but rarely let others touch them, bc they are v sensitive (look up how sensitive a feline/canine's is + you'll know what I'm thinking)

Jimmy was a toy, but a Faerie made him human. As long as (1) person believes he's human, he's a human. Technically, the Faerie will always believe he's human (bc he is, now), and they thought it would be the same failsafe w/him, but instead it's Fwhip, who knows the Faerie. The two smtms go on adventures together, so Fwhip doesn't know it's Jimmy, not at first, but knows it's a person. Somewhere.

The "Revealing Potion" is actually a shrinking potion that Joel asked Fwhip to make bc he hadn't met Shelby yet. The same goes for the "Apple of Lying" (aka a growth-magic-infused apple). Joel gets approached by Shelby after, wondering who got him the magic. He then stares for a minute, doesn't answer, and says he'll come to her bc he didn't know where the witch that Fwhip went to was.

The shrinking potion will turn a 5-6 ft person into a 1 ft person, a 4-5 ft person into a 6 inch person, and any person ~3 ft or below into a 3 inch person. Aka, a human into a toy, a hermit/catfolk into a plush, and a goblin into an inchling. The growth apple will turn a human into a giant/god, a hermit/catfolk into a tall person, and a goblin into a human.

After Jimmy's initial attempt to fire Fwhip, he suddenly found a bunch of feathers on his bed. It was not a threat or a prank. Fwhip thought that giving him "a feather bed" would make him feel better abt "losing" his Protector.

Fwhip has a pair of goggles he uses for forging that once belonged to an Upworlder a few (goblin) generations back.

Goblins have beans.

The tallest Hermit is 4'5". It's Pearl. Doc is exactly 1 mm shorter than her. The shortest is 3'5". It's Bdubs. Impulse is exactly 1 mm taller than him.

At some point, Fwhip makes and eats an Apple of Lying so he's taller than Bdubs.

Fwhip's boots have holes in them. This is to allow his claws out. Given only Lizzie + Joel know (Lizzie knows Fwhip, + Joel has three guesses as to who left scratches in his sofa), there becomes a collective effort from the other rulers to "fix" his boots (thinking he doesn't know how or doesn't care enough to do so). Oli receives the same treatment over. Well, just about everything he's got.

The collective effort is this: (1) trick person into handing over damaged items, (2) give items to someone to fix, (3) keep person away from the one doing the fixing, (4) give back in least suspicious way possible.

Fwhip wonders why every time Jimmy tells him to take his shoes off at the door, they disappear for a few hours, then reappear all broken! His holes are gone! How is he supposed to go mining like this?! (He doesn't say anything to Jimmy, bc Jimmy's boots also disappear + come back w/the holes gone)

Oli is quite happy abt the pixies that are apparently living in the beehives have decided to help him out! It's okay, it's not charity from Gem, which he refuses out of pride, as he is humble enough to admit.

Pix smtms has strange dreams of a different David, a different outfit as he tinkers + moves his copper...

Gem treats Fwhip like a brother immediately upon seeing him. He doesn't remember they're the roseblings, but he's never opposed to friends/siblings. (The two words in Common are the same word when translated to Goblish)

Gem lived in a village that was destroyed by illagers. She respawned far away, eventually making her way to the coast, where she joined another village. Eventually, due to her bravery, skills, and kindness, the villagers started to call her their princess. W/in five years, she has become the leader of the princessdom of Dawn.

Goblins have scruffs, aka places on the backs of their necks that one can grab + pick them up by w/out causing pain. However, for a goblin, it freezes them in place, which means instead of going relatively limp, if they were trying to hit someone w/a bonnk stick, then they remain w/their weapon raised, essentially frozen in place. Pix thinks it's the epitome of what is different about goblins vs humans. Scott thinks it's creepy, how is Joel so calm abt preventing the green man from eating a cow whole? ("He was just going to store it in his mouth." "That doesn't make it better!")

Unbeknownst to... well, anyone, animals kept in the deep dark (on sculk vs other materials) will change to match the environment.

Sheep have black or cyan wool

Pigs become dark blue w/white eyes + hooves

Cows turn cyan w/black spots + hooves

Cats have a sculk pattern across them

Chickens have everything besides their feathers turn cyan or dark blue, including the whites of their eyes

Donkeys, horses, + mules turn varying patterns of cyan, dark blue, light blue, + black

Dogs turn light blue

Llamas turn jarringly bright cyan blue, w/pure black eyes

Fwhip teases Joel abt being weak, since the proportions are off. Is Fwhip disproportionately strong or is Joel disproportionately weak? No one outside can tell, but both will claim that the other is the disproportionate one bc they're petty

Traveling from Hermitcraft to Empires removes technology. Traveling from Empires to Hermitcraft removes magic.

All the rulers have tattoos, though some are more private abt them, for various reasons. Lizzie, bc she has to show her back, which has fur, Katherine to avoid her parents finding out, + Hermes (he counts as a future ruler) bc he wants to surprise his dads that his Uncle Fwhip let him get a cloud + lightning bolt crossed w/a sunflower.

Fwhip nearly has a panic attack the first time someone sneaks up on him in Hermitcraft. He's no longer a goblin, which means that he can't hear as much, so Scott comes over + says 'hi' only to have the goblin man jump, screech, + start breathing heavily. Turns out, everyone else is used to not being able to sneak up on him, so they don't even consider announcing their presence. It gets passed around to announce your presence the moment you can so he doesn't actually panic after being startled.

Sausage is vegetarian as in he doesn't kill animals. He will eat it if it's provided for him, such as any time he asks Fwhip + half the times he asks Lizzie, tho he doesn't ask them often

Goblins are okay with nudity

False met everyone at a meeting at spawn, where they accepted her w/out question or hesitance.

Gem met Jimmy when she wanted to go mining in an unexplored cave. She met Joey when Sausage was giving him a tour after he had stranded. Joel came to give her bees, w/no explanation (which was shortly before she learned that most respawners greatly abide to the rules of export-claims). She met Sausage when Sausage had just found the land, + she helped supply him w/vegetarian options so he could get started on his own land. Katherine came over to ask for help in making Glimmer Grove's undead side not so ugly, having heard the Dawn Princess to be great w/that sort of thing. Pix showed up bc he heard abt an ancient city in the caves, + promptly disappeared down for a week before coming back w/things to pay Gem w/+ artifacts. Scott came over to trade dye for food bc he was sick of eating bread. She met Shelby when she needed some potions of fire resistance for her first Nether trip. Lizzie came over to ask for some honey, though she never said why; Gem was actually surprised when she came back. Fwhip was first spotted when he dyed her sheep.

Jimmy met Joey when Katherine brought him over to return the TNT. He met Joel when he was first made sheriff + he decided to drop random stuff on his head, before also dropping an invite for tea. Sausage decided to give him a pair of elytra, randomly, w/out explanation, + w/proper Sanctuary greeting! Katherine came over to get some terracotta, which alerted Jimmy to the bandit activity in his area. Pix came over bc of the rumor that the Sheriff unknowingly vandalized a piece of history (which was forgiven when Jimmy assured he had no idea it was so important). Scott came over to flirt w/the Law, to which Jimmy was oblivious. He met Shelby when he went to go + hear her side of the story on why he received several warnings to not engage w/the witch in the swamp (which she claimed where just prissy people). Lizzie actually screamed upon seeing him, bc she was still jittery abt being a catfolk amongst humans. He met Fwhip when a green thing came up behind him while he was building his creeper farm + he screamed as loudly as Lizzie had.

Joey met Joel when the god decided to clap his cheeks for quite a while while he was visiting Sausage, which just so happened to only be over Eversea, and just so happened to be a week after Joel found out abt the Stratosphere Thief (Joey confronted him, which led to nothing). He met Sausage when he first made his way to the coast after being stranded. Katherine regrets him finding Glimmer Grove, bc the first meeting, he declared to win her love. Pix came over to provide froglights + other supplies for the castaway. He met Scott at the festival, mostly bc he heard that Scott is another thief, which means he has to avoid him to avoid stepping on the toys of a peer. Shelby gained his respect when he came out + demanded to know if her allegiance was w/skeletons. Lizzie put a bunch of birch leaves in his base to "add life", + was promptly informed that that was not what it meant by a peeved pirate. Fwhip trades raw gold for smelted gold.

Joel met Sausage at a party in Lower Stratos, which was just before Hermes was born. He met Katherine at a royal party, where they both griped abt stupid standards that limit social freedom. He met Pix at a rave. He met Scott when the man moved in, bc the sudden appearance of a house was interesting. Shelby met him when she asked abt the "Revealing Potion". Lizzie used to act like an actual cat when she encountered him, so he would give her fish, until he was injured in the mines (before godhood, before being able to fly), when she revealed herself bc she + Fwhip scared all the mobs off. He basically woke up w/a concussion, the revelation that the cat is actually a catfolk, + there are goblins that live under Stratos.

Sausage met Katherine when he went to Glimmer Grove to browse the markets, + needed an emergency babysitter since Joel needed assistance but Hermes would be in danger if he was brought along. Pix called any respawner to come help him when he got stuck in a hole w/out an elytra or pickaxe or enough blocks, + Sausage was the first one there. Scott came by to pick up some wood, + finally met the Wood Master, which quickly became him flirting. He met Shelby when he needed to cure some villagers. He met Lizzie when she came by to also help Pix. He met Fwhip when they first traded rocks + wood - or, rather, when Sausage found the person who had been leaving a stack of whatever rock he'd been complaining abt not having for a few stacks of wood.

Katherine met Pix when he decided to drop off a few historically used wards against curses. She met Scott when he provided her w/dyes for her wool. She met Shelby when she got the order for the witch hat. Lizzie came by to get some wool, only to fall in the water + need assistance + comfort. Fwhip enlisted her help for helping calm down a warden, which Sausage came to help w/bc he was there + is too much of a follower to say no.

Pix met Scott when he punched the man to prevent him from getting away after stealing an artifact from an excavation site (which knocked the other out). He met Shelby when needing invisibility potions for shenanigans. He met Lizzie when she shoved him in a hole (different from when he met Sausage) to prevent him from accessing a cave she knew held charged creepers (she Paniked). He met Fwhip when the goblin asked if he wanted to go mining out of the blue.

Scott met Shelby when he got lost in the swamp. He met Lizzie when she came to trade + called him a lonely man. He met Fwhip when the goblin showed up to trade + started a long run of Scott being frightened by the goblin.

Shelby met Lizzie when she brought Hermes over the first time. She met Fwhip when he needed help w/curing villagers who had wandered down from the Upworld.

Lizzie + Fwhip have always known each other.

Technically, since most Upworlders classify people as adults when they stop growing, + Fwhip has a few more growth spurts, he's a teenager by most Upworlders' standards. He does not know this, + the other rulers (besides Lizzie) have to take a breath to not immediately Panik that they've been... well, some have adult intentions, + some are just worried abt him. Thankfully, no one treats him as a teenager instead of adult, but it's still a weird thought.

The Hermits are amazed at how everyone has different wings that aren't just banners. And all other magicky stuff, bc they have tech, not magic.