#'the world is scary but i'm strong as hell' <- literally. i can do this.

[b-blushes]

i'm soooo stressed out about next week that i'm laughing at myself, my whole internal monologue is just 'encouraging slogans from tumblr posts on repeat'. cannot tell if this is good or bad but does it matter tbh :P

OH WELL i can do it!!!! we can all do it!!! let's survive the week and feel the relief afterwards!!!!!!!!!

[crescentmoonsandroses]

Deltarune's themes of escapism and why they hit me hard

I was going to do some Deltarune art based around this and then just have the definition of escapism under it, but I can't think of what to draw, so I'm just going to ramble about it instead.

Deltarune, as I'm sure many many other people have pointed out before, has strong themes of escapism in addition to its themes of control, freedom, the narrative, etc. The Dark Worlds transform objects into people, rooms into environments, high school students into heroes. They seem to bring to life the sorts of games you played as a kid, with your toys and your friends, making up a story that played out in your mind, enhanced by your imagination. It's theatre of the mind, helped along by the toys and props and whatnot - like when you're playing D&D, too. This sort of thing is mainly in Chapter One, with the game pieces and cards and toys. I remember playing make-believe with practically everything as a kid - I made up stories with chess pieces a few times, that was fun. Castle Town and Card Kingdom are both reminiscent of a very traditional form of escapism: fantasy.

The Cyber World is a little different, but it still holds the same sort of idea - hell, we're all here on Tumblr, we know what it's like to bury ourselves in the internet, in videos and memes and posts, and forget the world for a little while. This is emphasised by Queen's commentary - I can't find the exact quote, but it's something about being worried that the Lightners will become depressed without the 'bliss' of the internet, which isn't currently working in Hometown. We also know that Chapter 3 will take place in Toriel's lounge room and seems to be specifically based around the TV (and, this is off topic, but I literally just realised Mike could be, like, mic, as in microphone, and Tenna could be short for antenna), which can also be a form of escapism for people. I know that my mum, for one, watches TV most nights.

There's also the specific characters who fall into the Dark Worlds - Kris, Susie, Noelle, Berdly.

Kris seems to be considered weird by most of Hometown, where they are the only human and don't seem to have many - or, well, any - real friends apart from their brother, who was the town's golden boy, who everyone keeps talking about and seems to hold in high regard, whose side of the bedroom holds trophies and pictures and colour while Kris' is bare and grey (they also have Susie now, but she only became their friend during the first Dark World). In the Dark World, however, Kris gets to be a hero, sword and shield raised, saving the world with their friends. Everyone in Castle Town loves them. The room Ralsei built for them has trophies aplenty. And then there's the matter of Ralsei, who looks so much like Toriel and Asgore and Asriel, who is so nice and so supportive of Kris, who has pink horns like maybe a certain red headband faded (yes I headcanon that Ralsei is Kris' old horn headband and will continue to do so until proven wrong).

Susie, who drinks milk from back alleys and threatens to eat people's faces, who didn't actually call home when she had a sleepover with Kris, who gets uncomfortable around the block of flats in Hometown, who doesn't seem to know how to react when shown kindness or friendship, who considers herself the 'bad guy'. Well, she gets to be that bad guy, strong and powerful and scary, with a big axe and sharp teeth and enemies to defeat. And then she gets to have friends, she gets to have food, she gets to be the hero and maybe that's not so bad after all if she does it alongside people she cares about, people who care about her. We can see how much happier she is in the Dark Worlds.

Berdly, who tries so hard to be perceived as smart, who loves videogames. I don't have as much to say about him, honestly, but his Dark World design is quite distinctively Cyber World when compared to the other Lightner's more fantasy-inspired designs, and being in the Dark World gives him the chance to be a hero, even if he's not great at that for most of Chapter 2.

And Noelle. Noelle, whose sister seems to be missing or dead, whose dad is in hospital, whose mum is the town's mayor and works a lot and has an icy personality. Noelle who searches for bugs and secrets in the games she seems to love. Noelle who wishes she had magic to heal her dad. Noelle who seems to feel powerless to help someone she loves, who doesn't stand up to Berdly or her mum. Once she's in the Dark World, she can heal people. She stands up to Queen, who is a sort of mother figure. She gets to spend time with Susie. She gets to see the city lights that Dess promised her.

All this to say that Deltarune in general and the Dark Worlds specifically have some not-so-subtle themes of escapism.

Now, the 'why it hits me hard' bit. Escapism has always been one of my main coping strategies, and even beyond that, I love fantasy, I love stories, I love burying myself in another world. It's much easier to be in a world where there's magic and quests and maybe there's struggles and strife and people still get hurt and mess up and go through bad things, but eventually there's a happy ending because that's how stories work, they don't have the constant uncertainty of real life. And, you know, if I could go to a Dark World, I would. I can understand why Susie likes the Dark Worlds so much, why Noelle and Berdly wanted to make another. Escapism is something that I can understand, especially after having struggled with my mental health for a few years (I'm a lot better now though). The world can be messy and complicated and hard, and wouldn't it be nice to be in a different world for a bit, one where you can be who you want to be and you don't feel lost anymore?

So, uh... yeah lol.

[chartreusevielle]

Gojo Satoru x OC

Pretty Ugly Marriage (before getting married)

When they first met, hate was an understatement. She loathes him.

"What's with that ugly face? Is that a mask or something? If so, take it off, that's so funny"

Fubuki Amari, loves her parents. To the point that she is willing to participate in a marriage interview just so she can lift up their families name in the jujutsu world again. Despite being aware that she is not the prettiest girl in line, she is pretty confident with her strength. After all that is what is listed in the Gojo Clan's letter, as the heir said,

"I don't care what they look like, I just want someone who's strong", and so here she is, listening to a bubble talk that slowly makes her burn in range.

'ah, i should've consider sending Yumi in here instead if I knew that this shitty brat wanted someone with pretty face instead'.

She then just sighs before replying,

"This is my face young master, I'm sorry if it bothers you", now just shut up, you piece of shit.

"It doesn't bother me, in fact, it makes me happy, are you sure you're not a clown?",if it was a normal 10 year old girl, they definitely couldn't handle such humiliation coming from a boy.

A boy coming from a strong clan, has strong power and has a pretty face. Gojo Satoru, in Amari's opinion is a definition of perfection,minus the fact that he is someone who can make hell burn after fueling it with few words.

This is the opposite of Amari, she's from a fallen clan, has average power which consists of absorbing curse by touching them,  and her face. Just like Gojo said, it's funny, because she has a scary face. The natural frown on her forehead that makes her look everyday angry, the frickles on her nose that push her face away from fairy skin, her droppy eyes that makes it look like she has small irises and the boring straight brown hair that makes her look like a broom with her thin and boney body.

"Even your voice is funny hahaha", the  boy continues to laughs as the adults around them can't help but to pity the little girl who just looks like she is so done with him already.

"What now? Aren't you gonna cry like the others?", He asked her as she just blink. So he's indeed doing it on purpose. Calling her names, basically bullying her.

'cry? Cry for what? Him, calling her ugly and funny?'

"Why? Do you want me to? ...young master?", The said boy huff as if he's irritated not getting the exact reaction from the girl.

"Yes, I want you to cry like an ugly person you are", Amari is currently praying to any God who can hear her, to simply give her patience, patience not to kill the boy in front of her.

"I want to cry young master, I wont lie", she said making the boy raise his eyes to look at her , "but i have more time to make my self strong that to drown my heart to something that i can't control"

'i can't ask God to edit my face, nor my figure even for just a little bit'

"Heh, you're showing your colors now don't you", the boy said as he mockingly grind at her.

'i can't ask anyone to protect me from heavy words I may receive from my face'

"I believe i never hide it in the first place,young master", she simply stated, not giving him emotions that he might make fun of again.

'i can simply accept, and bare with it'

"Hahaha, you're really funny, I've decided, I choose you kid, now be happy at my mercy" he looks so proud as a solemn grim appears on her face before silently cursing the boy at the back of her mind.

'i have no hero, other than myself, if so, then so be it'

"Thank you very much, young master", just you wait and I'll literally get even with you when I get stronger than anyone else.

"You better be", and I'll wipe off that grin off your face.

When they turned 13, things was never been better for Amari.

"You! I told you not to go to Satoru-sama, early in the morning!", she just blink as an elderly servant in front of her continues to yell early in the morning.

"But he says, we should meet at 6 am",

"Then tell him next time, you are busy! Satoru-sama needs his sleep and he doesn't have to be disturbed for a mere concept of meeting with you!",

'He's the one who planned our meeting though' Amari just thought and sigh, 'well, it is what it is, I don't care anymore'

It's obvious this old servant is looking down on her despite her position as his fiancé.

"I understand, I'll leave now", she said and turn back as she was about to step away, the thumbing sound of someone running down the hallways was heard, and suddenly..

"Amari!", the said girl, stopped her stepped and turn around, only to be welcome by a big grin of Gojo Satoru which makes Amari's eyes twitch.

'This guy obviously looks like he was eavesdropping just now'

"Where do you think your going?",

"S-Satoru-sama she is-",

"Who are you? I'm asking Amari, do you want me to fire you?", and of course things didn't end up good for the elderly servant.

---

"Satoru-sama, I think this will be dangerous",

"Oh come on, it's not like something bad will happen right? I'm the strongest after all", a body of a teen and an ego of a little child. I see.

The Gojo Premises is wide, so wide that it has it's own lake inside it's area. And this boy beside me thinks that's it's a good idea to practice his infinity in means of walking on the water like a holy man.

If you ask me, I think it's stupid,given that I know for sure he was dependent on his curse energy and was not taught how to swim since they all said nothing can touch him.

I'm riding a small boat to follow him while he is seriously walking above the water. But right in the middle of the lake, he suddenly stopped before looking at me.

"Amari?",

"What is it Satoru-sama?",

"I think I'm out of curse energy", my eyes widens as his body suddenly submerged under water.

How stupid, why didn't i think that even infinity has it's own interval, before it power up once again.

Shit, what should i do? Should I call for help? Should I swim down?!

But what if I die because of water suffocation? I don't want to die, I never want to but when I saw him falling deeper into the water, my body became fixated to follow him in the deep blue lake.

And so I dived.

Blue irises looking back at me as the water harshly hit my skin.

I want to yell, scream his name but the suffocating liquid stops me from crying out loud as I sway my hands to go deeper under the water.

Hands slowly reaching out to touch him, while he just stares at me making me worried that he might lose air under this depth of water . My eyes squinted in frustration before begging whoever God that can hear us to make this brat reach his hand so I can hold him.

'come on, give me your hands'

Looking at his now sleepy eyes falling deeper makes my heart almost drop.

No.no.no.no. Don't close your eyes!

'Give me your hand, Satoru!'

As if my prayer was answered,slowly but surely,his hands reach out to me as I immediately swim down faster and grasp it. Pulling him closer to my body before swimming upward with no further adieu.

As I look back to him my eyes widen when his blue irises are far closed and hidden.

Without further thinking, I put my lips on his to give him some air, just enough so we can swim together back to the shore.

Don't you dare die on me. I felt his grip on my body strengthen which give me a go signal that he had enough air before swimming back to the shore.

I gotta thank my father for giving me a strong body to overcome my fear and swim in endless water. And also the tough lungs.

I put all my physical energy to swim back faster and was able bring him back into the wooden boat.

I put him down gently before checking if he is still alive.

"Satoru-sama?",

No response. Damn do i need cpr? How do i do that? Pump the heart? Pump the water? Slap him? What should i do?

As i was overthinking, his eyes squinted before it fluttered and opened.

Sky irises, staring back at me making me almost cry.

"Amari?", I just smiled at him.

"Yes, Satoru-sama",

"My infinity returned the moment you hold me", i blink. Then...

"I just can't let you know given that you're so desperate to save me", i still stare at him.

I just wanted to beat him up. Really bad.

His irises find its way to look at me with his usual grinning face.

"Thank you though, now I really need to marry you, afterall you have given me your first kiss, still, I never think that an underwater kiss could be that romantic"

They were 13 and both of them realized something, one wanted to end this marriage shit and move on even if she'll be single for the rest of her life while the other one realizes that, he is now serious to the marriage he first offered, and there's no way he can let her go, not today nor in another lifetime.

'Ah I want to kill him'

'Should I prepare for our wedding now?'

@chartreusevielle

[psalmsofpsychosis]

"#Alfred basically catches a lamb and goes

#''you're a beautiful wolf; i know you are; now you're gonna bite my hand until you draw blood so we both believe it;

#because that's the way we know how to be men.''

#and then 10 years down the line he looks at Bruce and he whispers in horror; ''that's a wolf''

#GIRL YES HE IS; YOU MADE HIM ONE. IT WAS YOU"

Your tags are so- Idk I don't have the words. No wait I DO-

THIS IS FREAKING BEAUTIFUL OMG

The way Bruce wasn't born with sharp teeth and claws to defend himself against the world. The place he was born into removed any need to grow them, but at the same time the place he was born into was the catalyst for him to turn into stone. Hard, unyielding to pressure and with its own jagged edges that you can hit until your knuckels bleed.

But the thing about stone is that you can chip away at it until it looks like what you want.

So Bruce was a lamb at the beginning, possessing talc for a heart, easy to rub to dust, but after the murders, he was molded into something different. He grew teeth and claws so big and strong it became difficult to be gentle, his heart was rubbed to dust and reformed and compressed and rubbed to dust and reformed and compressed until it turned into a diamond.

Alfred taught him how to be a wolf but didn't account on what would happen once Bruce's claws were bigger than his own.

CAN YOU TALK MORE ABOUT BRUCE AND ALFRED'S DYNAMIC PLEASE? You're literally rearranging my brain chemistry as I'm typing, wow. This feels so freaking strange. Thank you so so SO much

I wish you an AMAZING day

GOOD MAD MONDAY NOON TO YOU ANON YOU'RE KILLING ME. Like i'm over here lying face flat on the ground, head fucking full 99 thoughts per second this ride is going straight to hell—

You actually made them sound a lot like the Pygmalion myth, which is so right and true and also a very delicately apt interpretation of the way Bruce and Alfred's dynamic unfolds, particularly in Bruce's childhood, and particularly as portrayed in the Gotham series (which is my all time favourite Bruce&Alfred dynamic anyway, so excuse me for being annoying and immediately nosedive down that rabbithole)

See, to me the thing is, i dont think Bruce and Alfred understand each other at all. They're cut from very different clothes, and Alfred doesn't understand what Bruce /is/, but he understands what Bruce /can become/, maybe even what he's supposed to become, Bruce is the fifth element to him. Combine that lack of understanding and all the love and affection Alfred holds for Bruce and of course he makes a project of perfection out of him; Alfred molds and makes Bruce. Batman as a persona and as a purpose precisely exists *because of the way Alfred raises Bruce*, this is something that Gotham TV puts extra emphasis on. In many ways Alfred does carve Bruce into an idea of perfection, *his* idea of perfection, and Bruce lets him too. This is where stuff get a bit complicated though; Alfred is someone who struggles with his own humanity and darker side. He's so loving and loyal, but he's also bitter and mean with a vicious bite and he handles Bruce with such cold hands sometimes, and he hates every second of it, he hates his own humanity. So he pushes Bruce to get rid of his too, and they have this constant push and pull because Bruce has those exact traits. they're similar not in what they own about themselves, but in their shadows, when the sun shines on them their flawed humanity has the exact same shape and they both don't want a shadow; eventually the way they resolve this is by standing back to back and protecting each other and now they share their shadows and it's not so scary anymore. The Pygmalion myth as a parallel interpretation of their narrative fits so darn well because you are right, Bruce is made into stone and Alfred sculpts him to something beautiful and almost horrifying, almost inhuman, he sometimes forgets that Bruce is a person and not an idea, and it shows. But Bruce breaks mold, he always does, he forces Alfred to live with his own humanity and Bruce's, and this brings up a lot of grief for Alfred, but he loves Bruce so he finds a way to live with it and he does.

The Lamb/wolf metaphor is a different face to this same transformation process; in the early years Alfred has little space for Bruce's terrifying softness, but neither does Bruce. Bruce is scared of his own vulnurability and tenderness, this lamb *wants* to become something else, something less weak and helpless, something that could've saved his parents. He doesn't want to become a wolf persay, but the thing is, he has the makings. This is the reason Alfred can bring it out of him; he very much has the makings of a wolf. to juxtapose it with the pygmalion allegory; you cannot carve out of the stone what is not already in it. (this does bring up the question wether Bruce was ever a lamb at all, but that's a different topic for another day✨️)

anyway yep, i love your mind Anon, and thank you for the question! Hope you have an absolutely wonderful day too ❤️❤️

[pocketgalaxies]

wrote a transcript for the imodna conversation below for your/my/everyone's convenience:

I: Hey.

L: Hi.

I: I don't–are you sleeping?

L: No. I was just staring at the wall with my eyes open.

I: Um...big night.

L: How are you feeling?

I: Um......good?

L: You don't have to lie to me.

I: No, I know, yeah, no, it's terrible. I mean, this is scary as hell.

L: Yeah. I'm worried about you.

I: Yeah.

L: This is a lot.

I: Yeah. I feel like, um...I dunno, like I haven't talked to you in a while.

L: Well, we've been busy.

I: No, I know, I know. I just, um...I dunno, since you–since you came back, I've been almost scared to say anything.

L: Say what?

I: ...

I: We want this. Right? We want to do this.

L: Preventing a god-eating god...

I: It's not good.

L: I understand the appeals of how it all sounds. I don't think there's anything wrong in considering what could be with that type of change. I really don't. What makes me nervous about all of it is the unknown unknowns. It's the...the things that we could lose as the cost of some sort of perceived freedom.

I: Yeah. If it takes away all of our, uh...our magic. Anything gifted to us from something greater. Yeah.

L: We still have the chance to live a normal life. If you wish to have a quiet life in a cozy cottage in a field, raise horses, and just be. No gods or fates or destiny can keep you from that. Can keep us from that. The gods have never kept us from our ability to have choice.

I: Yeah.

L: You have a choice. A very difficult one. But that is just as much of a real power as your abilities to fly or speak in people's minds. If anything, it is the most important power that you possess. Don't let them get in your head or try and claim otherwise.

I: Yeah. All right.

L: I know we haven't talked much here recently, but I think in a way, it's just...I feel so comfortable and so bonded with you, and...we transcend words, our relationship. You'll always have me. I'll always be there to support you.

I: Okay.

L: No matter what you choose. And you don't have to make these choices alone.

I: [I give her a hug.] I love you so much.

L: I love you more than anything.

L: You know, I had an amusing conversation with Ashton the other night. And they asked, or commented, about how odd it is that I'm the more grounded and secure one.

I: Between the two of y'all?

L: Mhm.

I: *laughs* Yeah.

L: I think it's because...I feel like I have a strong foundation. And that's you.

I: Yeah.

L: It's you and the rest of these...crazy borderline murderhobos.

I: *laughs* Yeah. You're my tether, Laudna. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to float away, but as long as you're there...

L: You quite literally pulled me from darkness and death. That tether goes beyond this realm and this life.

L: You've got this.

I: We've got this.

L: You're very capable.

I: *laughs, nods* Yeah. My mom was trying to show me a world that would, um, would be freeing, if I just went back to being normal. But...I feel like......I feel like our weirdness is what makes us right. Is that dumb?

L: Not at all.

I: This locket, it says "the better halves make a better whole." You have to love it all.

L: I don't mind being your better half!

I: *laughs*

L: And I think you're absolutely right. Look at us, do you really think we're destined for "normalcy"?

I: No. No.

L: That's boring anyway.

I: These weirdos are gonna get shit done.

L: Hell yeah we do.

I: All right.

L: Wanna cuddle up?

I: Yeah. Yeah.

[beanghostprincess]

Yes! Please talk more about transfem!Usopp x Nami!!! Power couple!! You think they were annoying together when they were just friends? Its ten times worse now that they're dating <3<3<3<3

Anon, I can't thank you enough. I appreciate this ask so much because they've been living in my head rent free and if I don't talk about this I might collapse. I need it. So. Thank you. Really. I'm gonna add transfem!genderfluid!Sanji and Sanuso too, by the way, to the surprise of literally no one because I am obsessed with them. It's like. My whole online personality. Sanuso, Nami and being a lesbian.

Okay, first things first, transfem!Usopp. She has a hard time realizing she's a girl and accepting it, not because she thinks it's wrong or weird, but because she's so, so focused on being the guy her father would like (Yasopp, before going away, always told Usopp (s)he'd grow up to be an amazing man like him). Usopp still admires him and she doesn't want to be a disappointment. It's kind of dumb, but she has his words in her head all the time. Not to mention that "maybe if I had been that type of boy he would've stayed with us" and also the fact that Usopp just... It feels like lying to her mom, you know? Banchina always knew she had a daughter, but Usopp didn't know yet and never found out about her mom knowing, so she thinks that being a girl now only turns the years she spent with her mom into a lie because she wasn't truly herself. Again, irrational thinking, but it keeps her from accepting she's a girl. When she hangs out with Kaya she feels way better than when she is near guys. She feels safer. At home. Maybe it's just because they're best friends, really. Maybe it's just that being in love makes you feel like this. Safe. But Kaya knows. And sometimes, when they were 15 or so, they used to get drunk without anybody else knowing. And sometimes Usopp told her how nice it'd be to be a girl. Not to wear dresses and having cute stuff like Kaya, she- She wouldn't be like that. Or maybe she would. It's kind of a mix. "If I were a girl, which- Which I'm not, but just imagine for a moment. I'd be so fricking cool, right?" / "Usopp, sweetie-" / "I'd be the coolest woman in the world! Strong. With long hair, oh God, long hair. That would suit me, wouldn't it? And okay, not dresses, because, uh- They don't look comfy. But maybe long skirts. You know that green, long skirt my mom used to wear? That one. But the point is- Hear me out. Boobs. I like yours. They're nice" / "Thank you? Usopp! Please, let me speak-" / "I wish I had boobs. I don't want girly clothes, I really like my overalls. But- But they'd look great with boobs, wouldn't they? And-" / "Usopp!" / "Wha- What?" / "First, stop drinking. You've had enough, honey. And second... You know you can just... Be a girl, right?" / "Mm? Come again?" / "A girl. If you- You can trust me, alright? If you feel more comfortable being addressed as a girl-" / "No! No! Me? A girl? What? Nope. Never. I'm a man, what- What are you even saying? Kaya, babe, I- My dad-" / "Your dad? Usopp, this is about you. Follow your heart-" / "My heart tells me I'm a man. I swear. I'm not a liar".

She has always been one, but she wasn't sober enough for the words to make sense to her. It did hurt to say it, though.

So Usopp joins the Strawhats knowing something is weird about her gender but never quite accepting it. Until she starts spending more time with Nami. The thing about Nami is that she's extremely feminine but unapologetically a menace to society and she doesn't give a fuck about what other people think. She's strong in her own way and she's the smartest person Usopp has ever met. She's gorgeous, too, it makes Usopp wonder what the hell she's doing with this crew when she would rule the world on her own. So she's... She's the girliest of girls and yet she manages to be extremely ruthless and scary too. It's kind of the perfect mix. And it's not that Usopp accepts instantly that she's a girl, but Nami helps quite a lot. Who makes her realize, though, surprisingly, is Sanji.

These are two different stories, you know, but the point right now is that Sanji treats women differently. We all know this. And Usopp isn't sure when it starts. Maybe Skypiea? Water 7? Perhaps even a little bit earlier. But she has this huge crush on Sanji and hates it. Because he's just a guy! Nami won't stop telling her, too. He's!!! He's so annoying!!! But-- But Usopp sees more of him than others do, and he's just so kind and self-sacrificing and he has the biggest heart in the world. So when Usopp sees him interacting with both Nami and Robin and, you know, all the girls he meets... She thinks "Oh, that'd be nice" and it turns into a "Oh. Oh, fuck. Fuuuuuck. Nooooo" because she just realized that imagining herself as a girl being treated as such is not normal man behavior. She comes to terms with that thanks to Nami, because she's the first person she comes out to. She opens up her heart to her best friend. She tells her everything about her parents and her experience with Kaya and how badly she wants to be seen as a girl but doesn't know if people would like her that way. If people would be disappointed. But Nami? Nami loves Usopp deeply. Nobody has ever trusted Nami so much before. it kind of makes her want to cry, so she hugs Usopp to hide the tears a little bit. Usopp hugs her back even tighter. Long story short, Nami makes her see that being a girl is so much more than what people think, and that nobody in the crew would ever think less of her for that. And by the way: "Really? Sanji?" / "He's- He's cute, okay? I know he's a moron but you know how he is" / "I know. I know, don't worry, sweetie. It could be worse".

MEANWHILE! While Usopp was falling for Sanji and coming to terms with her gender, Nami was having a sexuality crisis! She's a lesbian. She's always been a lesbian. She has always known, ever since she was a kid. She has never liked a man that way. Never will. But- But Usopp. You know? But Usopp. They've always been a duo. From moment one. They've always been so, so close. She feels a connection to her (him, at that moment for Nami, but you know) in a way she has never felt before. They have intimate moments she can't quite explain and she never wants to use any romantic labels here because she's a lesbian. She's not supposed to see Usopp that way? But it's not even sexual or anything she's not- She's not attracted to her but if she wanted to she would and if they kissed she wouldn't move away and- And, okay, it's just weird. And when Water 7 happens she knows she's completely, utterly fucked. Because the second she leaves the crew? That's the moment Nami knows she's losing the love of her life (one of them. Vivi is her long-distance girlfriend and is also the love of her life). So imagine her face. When Usopp comes to her to tell her she's a girl (yay! Sexuality crisis solved. Nami's gaydar is awesome. But also- Fuck, she's in love with her best friend) and that she's in love with Sanji. In love. With Sanji. Of all people. And she's in love with him. And not her. And it kind of kills Nami. But they're best friends. She's supposed to help. So she deals with Usopp's drama all the time, pining in the background as she sees this new relationship happen in front of her.

Okay, So Usopp comes out to crew. And guess who was having another sexuality crisis at the same time as Nami? Exactly, Sanji. So everything makes sense right now, and Usopp and Sanji start dating not so long after Usopp comes out. Usopp starts dressing a bit more fem sometimes, everyone of course starts seeing her with different eyes, she moves to the girl's room... Etc, etc. Sanji and Usopp are-- Awfully clingy. It's horrible to witness. Nami is going through the worst time of her life because Usopp right now is the happiest woman ever and,, And Nami should be happy for her. She should move on. But they won't stop kissing everywhere. And hugging. And Sanji pays way more attention to Usopp now, so, okay, whatever, less snacks for her too, to hurt her even more. Nami and Usopp often have private talks together in the middle of the night. They always do. They literally sleep in the same fucking bed which is, the worst thing right now because Usopp is touchy and clingy when she sleeps. And sometimes she spends hours talking about Sanji and- And Nami can't stand having her so close yet so far. And most of the time she can't even stand the sight of Sanji himself. But she has to live with it. She wishes Vivi was here.

So, we have Sanuso dating. Transfem!Usopp being extremely happy right now. And Nami having the worst moment of her life. Yeah?

Well. There's MORE.

Because of course, Sanji and Usopp have THE talk about Nami. Because we all know Sanji loves her to death and isn't sure how... Usopp feels about that. Long story short, after a very brief but emotional conversation, they both realize they're in love with Nami. So. Fucking hilarious. Because they can't make her just?? Join their relationship, right???

Well, things happen.

While everything was going on, Sanji was having a gender crisis. I don't need to explain much about this because we all know how trans-coded Sanji's story is, so I'll just say: Genderfluid Sanji realizing in the timeskip that she wants to have a more normative fem body (Ivankov we love you). She goes by any pronouns but, you know, it changes and she usually prefers she/her but she's alright with whatever. Usopp coming out to the crew truly helped her realize what she wanted. Usopp and... Also Nami. Basically for the same reasons Usopp has. I have a whole post about this. The point is! The timeskip happens and Sanji comes back with a different body and comes out to the crew. Usopp comes back, still in love with Sanji and Nami (idk if they get help from Ivankov or if it's Chopper the one who helps or maybe even Law, but they help her transition. Choose your fav. The girlie wants boobs, I don't care how she gets them). And Nami comes back, still in love with Usopp but finally accepting their relationship. Well, jokes on all of them, because there's more drama.

Whole Cake Island is... It's fucking awful. Sanji comes back to a family that doesn't love her and just wants to play with her feelings. They make her act like somebody she isn't. They make her pretend to be a boy and bind her chest and it's,, Leaving Luffy. Leaving the crew. Leaving Usopp and Nami. It's killing her. While she tortures herself this way, Usopp begs Nami to bring Sanji back with her. And Nami-- When they were at Zou with Sanji. The time she spent with her without Usopp and the others around. Sanji smiling at them before sacrificing herself. Nami is starting to feel things she thought she would never feel for Sanji. And while Usopp waits in Wano, Nami goes to look for Sanji. And when the fight with Luffy happens, she's angry. She's angry at Sanji for treating them this way. She's hurt because she knows this isn't her Sanji if Sanji was even hers in the first place. She's frustrated because she can't do anything to fix this. And she's furious, too, at herself, because she just found out she's in love with Sanji too. So imagine this poly lesbian realizing she can't be with the ones she loves because they're already in a relationship and one of them just left their fucking crew.

WCI happens and... Okay. This is probably Nami's fault. Or Sanji's. Nobody knows who leans in first but right after WCI, they kiss. It's short and sweet and soft and Nami won't stop crying because Sanji is finally back and she won't let her go. Never again. But she's now panicking and Sanji will probably die from a heart attack because she just kissed Sanji??? And Sanji has a girlfriend??? And her girlfriend is also Nami's best friend??? And she just happens to be in love with her too??? So Nami does the most reasonable thing ever and runs away without explaining anything. Yay. She's sure, once they get to Wano, that Sanji will tell Usopp and they're going to hate her forever. She's not used to this! She usually has everything under control! She's losing her mind. God.

But... But Sanji just experienced the one thing he's been waiting for for years??? God, she needs to tell Usopp right away. Wano happens and it's not like they have much time for talking. Sanji is still going through her, um, 'bring on more past trauma' era, so it's pretty difficult. And Nami spends Wano all the time with Usopp and it's so, so hard not to focus constantly on the fact that she has kissed Sanji. And she's about to die when she's fighting against Ulti and sees her whole life passing right before her eyes so she realizes, then, that she has to be honest with both Sanji and Usopp if she gets out of there. When she actually survives she kind of hates herself for making that promise. Yadda yadda, post-Wano happens. They're all partying, still there, and Nami tries to distract herself from all this drama because if she thinks more about it she might end up having a breakdown. But Sanji and Usopp do talk and- And they need to approach this. Usopp is a bit hurt that perhaps Nami only wants Sanji, but she can deal with it. If Nami wants to be with Sanji, that's completely fine with them. So they have the talk, finally, in a private corner of the festival where nobody they know is around.

Nami starts uncharacteristically apologizing? Which is weird for her to act like that, but she does. She's lost so many people already and she refuses to let that happen again. So she apologizes. She should've never kissed Sanji and- And what's even worse is that she's also in love with Usopp. With both. And it makes her look so selfish and greedy and she swears it isn't like that. Her feelings are genuine. But then Usopp starts?? Laughing??? She finds this whole situation hilarious and explains that they've been stupid the whole time.

So, uh, yeah. They're idiots. This is biblically accurate because lesbians are always like this. We do not know how to communicate.

They're all,, So relieved. So, so happy. They won't stop smiling. And Usopp is honestly feeling a bit left out because?? She hasn't yet kissed Nami??? So they finally kiss. And then they kiss again. And Sanji joins. And they're the cutest thing on earth. And telling the crew is just as easy as Franky seeing them like that, telling him... And the word spreads fast enough.

This is getting long but, basically: They're the clingiest throuple in the whole world. If they were all annoying at first, imagine how annoying they are now. At this point, there's no "girls' room" anymore because Robin has moved to sleep with Franky, so Sanji, Usopp, and Nami have their own room. Which is good for literally all the crew because imagine having to deal with them. Sanji is so loud about her love for her girls... She's constantly showering them equally with love and cooking their favorite meals. She's always panicking a bit because she wants to give attention to both but sometimes Usopp is in her workshop and Nami is taking care of her trees so what is she supposed to do??!!! She wishes she could be everywhere at the same time... They end up telling her to do whatever she wants and follow her heart and split her time because they know she loves them equally and she doesn't need to prove anything. For Nami, dating her best friend and the person she thought was incredibly annoying at first is... Weird. She isn't used to so much affection from Sanji. Like, reciprocating the affection and loving him back. It's weird because now he isn't annoying at all but incredibly sweet? And her relationship with Usopp is pretty much the same except that now they kiss and hold hands and whenever Nami is like "Zoro! Carry me!" he always goes "Tell one of your girlfriends to do it" and it sucks because tbh Zoro does look like he has comfy muscles to rest on. Usopp is so excited about this! She loves both of them deeply she never thought this would happen. She sends letters to Kaya constantly about them, too! They're just,,, So so sweet. They go to sleep together and wake up cuddling and all tangled up. Usopp and Nami do gardening together but they always end up making out behind the trees. Sanji and Nami try to be casual about it but Sanji just loves showing all the love she has for her girlfriend to the world so PDA is something assured. Sanji and Usopp always spend the night watches together (Nami doesn't because it's comfier in bed and bold of you to assume she's getting out of there). Usopp gets stronger and toned post-ts and Nami and Sanji are always sitting on top of her. Sanji has a lot of issues going on after what happened in WCI/Wano and both Usopp and Nami help them go through their panic attacks. Usopp draws them all the time and has her whole sketchbook filled with drawings of her partners. Nami always peels the best tangerines from her trees and brings them to them even though Sanji insists on being the one doing it, but Nami says that sometimes she needs to be the one eating and not just serving. They share clothes constantly, but they have different clothing styles so sharing clothes pretty much happens either on accident or whenever they want to make Sanji go insane. Usopp leaves notes and drawings for them all over the ship. Nami is always offering to put makeup on them but it's always an excuse to be close. She also often falls asleep while working on her maps so they have to carry her to their room without waking her up. Nami loves brushing Usopp's hair!! Sanji absolutely adores feeding them sometimes like, playfully, and you can imagine how that ends. Oh!!! And Usopp is always giving them flowers. Not to mention that Nami often creates rainbows for them because they're pretty!! Also, when the fight isn't that serious, both Usopp and Nami act like they need saving because they know how much Sanji adores playing the hero. Usopp tells them stories while they paint each other's nails and talk shit about other people together.

This is the best relationship ever because it's just three best friends to lovers. My absolute beloved. I have a lot of,,, More ideas for them,,, But yeah,,,, Thank you so much for this ask. I love talking about them.

[momentomori24]

Does anyone think about how isolated Fubuki might feel being the only one to keep her memories after rewinding time? Considering the amount of trouble she gets herself into or gets dragged into, ranging from relatively harmless to downright dangerous, how many times did she have to turn back time to save herself or someone else? She can get hurt or find herself in deadly danger, and while her powers can erase that ever having truly happened, they can't erase her memories. Someone could be injured or die on her watch and then just walk and talk to her like nothing ever happened, but she'd still remember. And that's the worst part: she remembers what happened, actually experienced it herself, but it never really happened. Not as far as anyone else is concerned. While she lives with whatever trauma she endured, everyone else remains completely indifferent and the world continues on the same. How alone do you feel living like that?

And it's not even like this all could've just happened before she arrived in Kanai Ward. She literally deals with this a bunch of times in the game. Whenever Yuma screws up in Chapter 3, Yakou being stabbed by the hitman in Chapter 4, that guy that fell from the casino in her DLC-- she has go back to prevent tragedy over and over again, and she only manages to save two of three people mentioned in the end. She had to live through watching Yakou dying, bleeding out on that floor twice, unable to do anything about it twice. Not to mention god knows how many times Yuma almost got them run over or blown into bits when failing to disable the bombs or caught by peacekeepers. Not to mention the two times the casino guy died on her before she unintentionally saved his life (by having him crash land onto her taxi which is already scary enough).

All this would be fucked up on its own, but her really spotty memory isn't doing her any favours at all (hell, her Forte might even be part of the reason she's as scatter-brained as she is). It kinda makes me wonder how she differentiates between what truly happened and what happened before she rewinded time (so what technically didn't happened). If she even can, that is. I would've loved to see a throwaway scene where she randomly mentions something that that only she knows happened or perfectly predicts the very near future only for someone to be like "wtf are you talking about" and brushing it off as typical Fubuki weirdness as a little hint of her Forte before its actual reveal.

Fubuki is pretty strong to deal with all the shit that gets thrown at her and still choose to be as happy and compassionate and optimistic as she is, but I'm so glad she had Yuma to lean on and didn't have to shoulder that burden of knowledge and the physical strain alone, even if it was only for a while. She deserves to finally confide in someone and some mental relief after all the times she didn't have anyone, I think. Her ability may be the most OP one out of everyone, but it's a blessing as much as it is a curse.

[iknowshocker]

What do you think would’ve happened to Kai if he never got captured by the mfg, sent to the armory, and sent to a prison world after escaping hell in season 8? As if his story was just left off at the karaoke scene

Side note: I always found it so interesting that the first time he has no agenda or threats and can do whatever he wants, he just goes to a small town karaoke bar and pretty much just keeps to himself (and Yelp) until Stefan shows up lol

no this is what i'm saying, anon, everyone acts like he's this evil genius mad man (and like he is but he's also relatively harmless when you don't get on his nerves) that needs to be stopped at all cost and 9/10 times he's just minding his own business bopping around. post-merge he literally spends a handful of days just dealing with his new weird emotions, writing a letter to jo, finding a place to live, and shopping 🙈 oooh so scary, he bought new jeans! look out - now he's eating fries at the grill!

so i think if the mfg left him alone and didnt kidnap him he would have probably just taken some time to mess around and day drink, and then after the novelty of being out of hell wore off he'd start deciding what he wants to do next. if we don't change anything from s6, then he's got no living family, the coven is gone, and he's basically on his own. he has to start over. there's some fun in that, he can do anything he wants and now he's immortal and stronger and faster and he's got these cool fangs - but also i imagine it would be really lonely. sure, he's used to being alone, but i think the part of him that wants connection would start to be hard to ignore after a little while.

i desperately wanted him to get to be a coven leader so i like the idea of him collecting witches, i would accept him going off and coming back with like 2-3 new people and being like "loooook guys i built a coven!! picked this guy up doing tricks in vegas, this girl here was kicked out of the house so obviously we brought her home with us, and this one was actually killing people but don't worry we spoke about it and agreed murder is only allowed in certain situations-,"

s8 kai is still fixated on bonnie, so i'd assume he would either start texting/calling her or risk it and go to town to see (bug) her. maybe he wants her to join the coven, maybe he went to her first and she said no because they can't be a coven of two so he went and recruited more to be like "oookay bonster now it's a coven of 5 what do you say??"

i would hope that something could come of their relationship and even if it's not expressly romantic they could get to a point where he would help her with the hellfire arc. i mentioned in another post that if they had two witches, someone could handle the hellfire in the armory while someone else held katherine in place inside the tunnel with a spell.

i would write it so that bonnie is afraid to leave him with the boys, and he has to assure her he's strong enough to handle them and it would be this tense moment of goodbye:

"go-"

"i don't want to leave you!"

"bon come on i'll be fine, just go we don't have time for this. worry about me later tho it's kind of cute-,"

"okay okay, shut up, i'm going-"

(alternatively i would accept "hey ... be safe" "i will" and then the boys picking on him lmao)

and then instead of passing out she'd race back down the tunnels to check on him. she would get there and see the boys first and have a moment of thinking they turned on him so she thinks kai was sucked into the fire and he gets to watch her freak out about him being gone for good and then he could pop out and be like "don't worry bb not even hellfire could keep me from you 😉" and she'd yell at him for letting her think he was hurt but then they'd hug and he'd be like "...worth it" lmao

i just !! want my boy to be happy. we get such a brief window of time where he's himself, with magic, free. so he could honestly do literally anything other than get trapped in a third freaking prison world and end up having a relationship with a vampire teenager and i would enjoy the hell out of it 😂

[msnihilist]

ooh, how about gwen for the character ask?

For the ask game!

My first impression

I don't remember! I've been watching Ben 10 for as long as I can remember. I think I used to find Gwen annoying, though.

My impression now

I love Gwen! I think she's smart, competent, and scary as hell. She's like a daughter to me <3 I'm glad that she's going to live a happy, successful future that she makes for herself of her own merit.

Favorite thing about that character

How absolutely feral Gwen goes when it comes to protecting her loved ones. Unlike Ben, she has no hesitation with killing her enemies, and she makes it abundantly clear.

This is because Ben is a hero, and Gwen only learned magic and started fighting to keep her idiot cousin safe. She will do anything to ensure the people she cares about go home at the end of the fight — even if it means sacrificing herself.

Least favorite thing

How she always sides with Julie when a conflict crops up between her and Ben. I don't know if it's "girl solidarity" or just bad writing, but c'mon, Gwen, you're smart enough to know that there's no universe where Julie's stupid tennis match is as important as saving the world 😭

Favorite line/scene

This one, from Secret of the Omnitrix:

BEN: I'm just a plain kid without the Omnitrix.

GWEN: Don't you get it? You don't need that thing. What about all the times you saved Grandpa or me or lots of other people when you weren't an alien? You are a hero, even if you can't go hero.

Favorite interaction that character has with another

I gotta go with this conversation she has with Ben from The Ultimate Sacrifice.

GWEN: What's the plan?

BEN: No plan. I don't know why they branched off and became individuals, but I know that they deserve to live free.

GWEN: So do you.

BEN: Goodbye, Gwen.

I think this scene says so much about Gwen's character. Like I just said, Gwen is protective of Ben. She was literally, just a few minutes before this scene, about to kill people for him.

But she doesn't, because Ben told her not to.

Even though losing Ben would break her heart, Gwen respects him enough to stand by and let him go.

I literally cannot fathom being strong enough to do that.

And, of course, there are so many other amazing scenes with Ben and Gwen. I could talk about them for hours 💕 But this one is really strong as a character moment as well, which is why I chose it.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

Definitely Charmcaster! They have such a cool dynamic. I'd love to see the two of them forced into Situations™

More one-on-one scenes with Ben would also be nice 🥺

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

Jazz Fenton from Danny Phantom :p

A headcanon about that character

This is a reoccurring headcanon in my fics: Gwen's shampoo smells like strawberries

A song that reminds of that character

I didn't want to say this, but... "Surface Pressure" from Encanto is so Gwen to me.

An unpopular opinion about that character

Gwen's relationship with Ben is stronger than her relationship with Kevin. If she had to choose between them, she'd choose Ben. (This is not an opinion, this is a fact. Gwevin stans can stay mad.)

Favorite picture

Ooh, she was so pretty in War of the Worlds 💕

[welcometogrouchland]

ah i gotta admit, i haven't watched TOH and all i knew about it was through fandom osmosis >< but i wanna ask about your thoughts :D what if luz tries to get everyone into non-magic things, like video games or comic books or movies/tv shows? any thoughts on which media is their favorites? do they have regular game nights?

Anon the fact that you know nothing about this interest of mine but you're still trying to communicate with me about it. My parents could never. I love you. There's a chamber of my heart dedicated to you now

On the topic of your actual question- I can definitely see her doing that! Some of the non-magic interests we know she has (based on things like posters in her room or references she makes) off the top of my head are like. Off-brand versions of soul eater, resident evil, various animes, etc.

Tbh I feel like (since this would obvi take place during the montage in Thanks to Them) all of the witch kids would really enjoy horror related media? Like. It reminds them of home when they see gnarly bodies mutilated by fungus or anime battles where some twink gets bisected. The boiling isles is Scary As Hell and there seems to be a very casual attitude towards violence a lot of the time (grudgby as a sport, the fact that a 14 yr old was allowed to enter an underground fighting ring, etc)? That's part of the whole joke is that Luz gets isekaid to a very inhospitable fantasy world so unlike her dreams! But for the rest of the hexsquad, zombies and draculas and what have you brings back memories, yknow?

Personally I'm partial to Luz getting some of the other kids into resident evil the most bc. I like resident evil lol. putting forth the hc that Leon Kennedy was Hunters bi awakening

But also Hunter has a Japanese flag patch on his sweater so I'm taking that as evidence that he's at least seen anime. I'm more versed in shoujo than shounen (willow and amity would love sailor moon btw. Amity also likes precure and willow likes cardcaptor sakura) but I feel like there's a lot of shounen anime that would appeal to Hunter. Gus too! But also I feel like Gus has really eclectic taste in media. He watches shows meant for different age groups, he watches things in different genres. He watches French new-wave and he watches kids cartoons. He's got the range.

he just wants to in take as much of human culture as possible and honestly? I think it'd be fun if Luz and Gus' roles as Human and Witch are reversed in the sense that the witch is strong-arming the human who's obsessed with magic into showing them ~human stuff~ bc they're autistic about it. It's dynamics like these that I love in the show and I know they would've loved to do more with everyone in the human realm 😭

(also anon honourable mention to the fact that Hunter and Gus are canonical Trekkies and got into it entirely independently of Luz. Local human literally does not give a shit about human things. Local witches, on the other hand, are eating that shit up like it's bread sticks)

[hyprunivers]

The Adventures of Ashleigh the Living Skeleton

Chapter 3: There is a bird on my head.

I sit hugging my legs up to me for

a while. I don't know how long. I guess it doesn't matter. A ponderable amount of time. An amount of time for pondering.

I sit, my old hoodie draped over me, and ponder.

I don't mean to belabor this point, but I'm a living skeleton, and I'm still a little unsure what to do with this knowledge. How to move forward. What does a living skeleton do? What was I before? Was I before? I mean, was I was? No, I mean, did I exist? Was I a person?

I think hard. I think so hard. I don't remember being a person, I'm sure of that. Other than my bones and my hoodie, I don't have any other person-ness. But I've been thinking a lot of thoughts here, so obviously I am a thinking thing, right Descartes?

Is it scary that I'm a skeleton? Am I scared? Am I scary? I don't feel scared.

There is a sudden tug! a the top of my head, and a slight pull to the side as a starling lands suddenly and sloppily on top of my hood as only a starling would. Hopping and poking with the enthusiasm of a freshman high school football player that hasn't quite come to understand the size of their growing body.

I guess I'm not that scary then. At least not to the bird on my head.

I let me new friend investigate for a moment, careful not to

I was going to say breathe, but again, I think I need to move past that idea. I'm not a person. Maybe I was before, but I'm not now. I'm a skeleton. Not the scary kind though, the kind that is friends with birds.

"Thanks for checking on me, new friend," I whisper, and I can hear a little sadness in my voice.

"S'OK!" he answers in return, quite to my surprise. He pokes down on my hood a few more times with his thin beak, breaking up some of the small dirt clumps stuck to me as he probes for snacks.

"Bye!" he chirps as his short quest ends fruitlessly and he zips back up into the trees to join the rest of his football team friends, about a dozen of them, that have taken up a short residence in a tree to my left. They talk things over for a few seconds although I can't understand this time, and then take wing, off for more exciting things to come. I watch their iridescent speckles dance through the drab trees, and I'm happy seeing their strong little wings at work. Making magic, zipping and diving between branches and trunks.

"There was a bird on my head," I say to myself, with a little satisfied smile in my voice. "Can't be all that bad!"

I look down at where my body had been laying. I can tell that my bones had been here for a while. There are indents in all the right places. Bone indents though, not body indents. I really don't understand this. Which changes nothing of course. The world isn't going to stop and flip open the manual to the living skeleton FAQ suddenly just because I'm having a mild existential crisis in the woods. Hell with this, I'm done sitting. A new adventure: can we stand?

I lean back and put my hands behind me in the dirt and push my boney ass off the ground, lean forward and piston my legs up under me. SUCCESS! I raise my arms high in celebration of my achievement, my sweatshirt sleeves loose at the wrists, falling toward my elbows. I stand there like that for a moment, scanning my surroundings a bit again, now that I have a slightly higher vantage point. Still just in the woods. Just me in my little not-quite clearing. Ahem. I put my arms down.

I look down and take stock one last time. Skeleton body, slightly dirty. Sweatshirt, slightly dirty. I pat myself off as best I can, brushing loose little bits of lightly hardened clay and debris, knocking the bigger bits off my butt and the back of my legs. I give myself a little pat-down, my phalanges clacking lightly as they make their way down my tallish frame. I think I'm about 6 feet tall. I have literally no basis for that whatsoever, but I feel about 6 feet-ish. 6'1"? What's a half inch? Is that a good height for a skeleton? Am I slouching? Should I slouch? Maybe a slouch would make me more approachable.

"Yeahhhhh," I say as I slouch slightly, letting my arms dangle at my sides, "Just a cool skeleton guy, doing cool skeleton guy stuff.

"Wait, am I a guy?"

It feels like a big question, but a nothing question at the same time. I mean, who the hell am I in general? I feel guy-ish I guess? How do you tell with absolutely no context? I feel like... one'a the guys? That feels more like it?

"Like a duuuuuude," I apparently decide to say out loud. I swivel my hips side to side as I look around again and then give a little shrug.

I feel ok with being a dude. Dude-ish. Not man-ish. I'm definitely not a man.

"Just me, man. Just me. Just lil' old Ashleigh."

YO, WHAT?

That one shocks me. Way more than a lot of the other thoughts I've had in the past half hour or whatever since I've begun existing. I think my name is Ashleigh, and I'm about 6 feet tall, and I'm kind of a guy but not super a guy. I cross my arms. That's so much. Is that too much? Too much to take on in my head right now?

No, it's ok. It was just sudden, but it's right. I'm absolutely right about those things. Those things feel me, deep in whatever there is of me.

"Hi, I'm Ashleigh," I say quietly, a little to myself, a little to the starlings if they're still around. I can hear a squirrel or maybe a chipmunk rustling through leaves nearby, so maybe to them too. "Hi."

I wish I had thought to say this to my bird friend earlier. I hope I meet him again.

[letterstomyfuturedaughterr]

8/28/24 Both And

Hey Kiddo,

I can see it now. I see it in the way I cry over tender moments, strong in my vulnerability. I see it in the way I care for my body and believe in her ability to do hard things. I see it in how I love to learn everything I can to be informed and do something well. I see it in advocating for my own needs. I see it in advocating for others. I see it in how I love the people close to me. I see it in how I'm a sensitive, boundaried queen. I see it in how I hate the patriarchy and am scared to have a son. And scared to have a daughter. I see it in the way I braid hair or rub a back when someone needs it. I see it in the way I go over the top to celebrate literally anything. I see it in the way I know a favorite dessert and make it for a birthday. The way I remember details and make someone feel seen and heard. The way I use my voice. The way I love to find faces. The way I love the water and hate the heat.

I see me as mom because I see me. It doesn't have to change or be this different identity, it's me and I am it (or I will be). I've been so scared for so long to get sucked into what examples and society determines to be a mom and I've ran so far from those expectations. It's been deeply cathartic and empowering to remember that I do not subscribe to those pressures or expectations in any other part of my life, why would this have to be different? I can do this my way, still being me, and giving a big f*ck you to the world telling me how to live my life. That's for me to determine, no one else. I can see it now and I'm excited.

And also, I'm terrified.

I'm afraid that because I've had to, and can, handle hard things I am doomed to have a difficult pregnancy or scary birth. I'm scared of being left behind and left out of the friends with daughters club. I'm afraid I will do something wrong and have to endure extra pain. I'm afraid of being scrutinized for having a body that doesn't fit into the world's standard. I'm afraid of losing myself. I'm afraid you'll hate me. I'm afraid of being too much or that Michael decides to leave. I'm afraid the world won't live long enough for our child to grow old. I'm afraid I'll never stop crying.

And also, it's what I want.

I want a healthy and easy pregnancy. I want to feel like a woodland witch goddess, a force of nature drawing in woodland creatures. I want to float in the ocean and feel so connected to mother earth and the cosmos with a tiny universe growing inside me. I want to lay in a field of wildflowers and feel like I'm one of them for what I'm making in my body. I want to feel more powerful than I've ever been (and I'm pretty powerful as it is). I want to feel like my very best self while pregnant, powerful and strong and soft and glowing and so so happy. I want to not throw up. I want unconditional love out the gate. I want to understand myself in new ways. I want to have another reason to fight like hell to make the world a better place. I want the deeply loving bonding. I want the family. I want the purest reflection of my own creativity and essence. I want something in the world so full of love that lives beyond me. I want to be more powerful than my fears. I want to play and submerge myself in all of the magic and wonder of life through your eyes. I want to read stories as you fall asleep. I want to look at you and look at Michael and have the most incredible unspoken language. I want to slow down and know my limits. I want to discover new dreams and goals. I want to see you so loved as an extension of everyone who loves me so very much. I want to know you your whole life. I want to get to know you and all your quirks and joys and fears. I want to do my best.

I want so much more than what terrifies me. I see it now.

Love always,

[lumine-no-hikari]

This. ALL OF THIS.

But also:

He can come back from having fallen. Any human being can. No matter how far they walk in the wrong direction, they can turn around. They can make a different choice.

Of course, they'll never be exactly the same, but that's only because part of healing is becoming strong enough to properly carry the weight of one's sins on one's back for the rest of one's life. And this is an incredibly painful thing, even for mistakes that aren't as horrific as the ones he made. But in the end, the people who do this work go on to become people who can help others heal from similar things.

That's why I write the letters I write. They're not just for him; they're for everyone who relates to him. They're for everyone whom society does not like. They're for everyone who feels different. They're for everyone who has made mistakes.

Because society, by and large, teaches people that certain kinds of people are less-than-deserving of compassion, mercy, or basic decency. Conventional wisdom, by and large, says that certain kinds of people are not worth the time and effort it takes to help them. Conventional wisdom says that certain kinds of people are "broken beyond repair".

This kind of "conventional wisdom" makes most folks look upon me with disgust. It has made lots of people decide, before even getting to know me, that I'm "too damaged" to be worthwhile.

I wouldn't be here if at 13, I hadn't seen Sephiroth, and thus someone whose mannerisms and life experiences were similar to mine before his fall. I wouldn't be here if a precious few people hadn't defied "conventional wisdom" in order to help me to stay alive and to become who I am today.

And this is why I am driven to save the life of this fictional man - because he saved mine during a time when no one else really cared. And this is why I'm driven to write the letters I write - I *have* to pay forward the kindness that was shown to me, otherwise who am I, and what was any of it all for?

My "fondness" isn't arbitrary, even if maybe it looks scary to some people from an outside perspective. His existence was literally life-changing and life-saving for me. I was taught by him and by others who defied "conventional wisdom" what kindness and compassion were, after years of others trying to literally beat it out of me. These things were considered weaknesses and bad character traits where I grew up.

When I saw Sephiroth for the first time, I realized that my own existence wasn't abhorrent or wrong or bad - he behaved with kindness despite the hell he must have been through, likely despite a lifetime of people telling him things like, "see, your softness will leave you open to getting hurt and that makes you weak, and you being weak means I have to toughen you up."

Sephiroth was also the first time I ever saw someone in a piece of media who carries some of the same neurodivergent traits that I do - the way he speaks, the way he moves, the way he expresses his emotions, the way he expresses empathy - all of the very same things I used to get punished for and used to (and sometimes still do) get ostracized, shunned, and excluded for.

Anyone can change. Anyone can rise up into wholeness from where they once were. Anyone can, even after a lifetime of abuse and horror, decide today that they're going to live a different life than the one their birth circumstances laid out for them. Anyone can turn their face back into the light. Any scenery can change if one only keeps taking a single step forward, day after day.

So I'm trying, if clumsily, to take the steps towards building a world in which everyone gets treated with kindness and mercy. Because if I don't, then what was any of what I lived through for, and what is the point of me trying to continue to breathe in this broken, terrifying, fucked-up place where I'm misunderstood and viewed with disgust almost anywhere I go?

My voice doesn't have the capacity to reach millions of people. But his does. If he makes it through all of this okay in the end, he'll be able to then teach people how to come back from the brink - how to recover. And given that most of society's ills are driven by the way unresolved trauma affects the human mind, teaching others how to recover is some of the most important work there is.

I’ve always thought this about Sephiroth, really since my first Wikipedia dive into who the heck he was, but EC’s really starting to accentuate it all again in my mind~

*puts on dollar store glasses, clears throat*

Sephiroth was thrust into war at the age when most people are just learning that there are three different categorizations of rocks in the world. Was sent to smell the stench of death before probably ever smelling a real birthday cake. Was sent to get blood on his hands, raze villages, and most likely take the reins as some kind of military commander before most people can get their hands on a learner’s permit. And that’s not even taking into account all the magma beneath that—all the training and preparation that most likely swallowed any semblance of a normal childhood. Yes, true, the idea of “Sephiroth growing up in a lab and being given biweekly Mako surgeries and being fed gelatinous enzyme sludge” is fanon, but we can still take away from Sephiroth’s vitriol and disgust towards Hojo that he wasn’t playing catch with the guy as a toddler. Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that, from a disgustingly young age, Sephiroth had to endure an experience more rattlingly tragic and red and horrific than anything most children couldn’t even fathom. Something that would take someone’s heart and twist it until it could hardly beat anymore.

And yet…..

Sephiroth is still kind. After everything.

In all seriousness, I genuinely think it’s an underrated part of his character—and my absolute favorite thing about it. Just the sheer fact that despite weathering through years of war, and all the terrors that come with it, and Sephiroth is still shown in CC to be an objectively good-hearted person. He flew in to save Zack from burning alive by Ifrit. He was patient, calm, and polite with him, even telling him tenderly to “take care” after one of their encounters—even permitting Zack to go back to the slums and protect Aerith. He happily allowed Cloud to go visit his family on their mission to Nibelheim. He stepped in without hesitation to donate his blood to Genesis. He wanted to protect his friends with everything he had—even if it would cost him the only life he had ever known. He never stopped being kind.

That is fucking STRENGTH.

It’s easy to let trauma be an excuse to treat others miserably, letting it all bleed out and not caring about the mess we make in the process. Sometimes, we just don’t know how to digest those things properly, and they get regurgitated in the wrong way. And sometimes we forget how to treat people with kindness when we are so deluged in our own burdens. Heck…. It’s not always easy to be kind PERIOD.

The fact that Sephiroth was, in spite of the tumultuous cards he was dealt, in spite of how life treated him, is what gave him the title of hero.

And made it all the more tragic when he lost it.

[bellafragolina]

Okay okay okay! I read a lot from you know and I'm literally in LOVE with the self aware storys! They're so interesting and unique!

Do you have any more ideas for this? I hope so. They're SO GOOD! >w<

If you have, could you do something like that with raihan, piers and leon? I just love the self aware storys too much MMMMMHHHHH!!! TwT

Ooh, self aware sword boys <3 me likey

Also, thank you!! I like doing the self aware stories!! Here are your boys, babe <3

🍓🍓🍓

Raihan:

When he notices the code, he has a bit of a self crisis. He's pretty dedicated to his gym and his goals, so to learn it's all fake is heartbreaking and scary. He's not sure how to proceed, but then he notices you

You guide Hop's little rival around, smiling and eager to battle. When you meet him, you make a few comments towards how handsome and tall and strong he is, and you give him a battle like no other. He's instantly intrigued by you. Who are you? And where do you exist, separate to him?

He watches you go through the world, impressed by your prowess and endeared by your comments towards him whenever you see him. He wants to know more about you, rather than the player

When you're training out in the Wild Area, he approaches and looks up at you, addressing you. He flirts a little, then asks what's going on. Can you tell him? Also. . . are you single? You're cute, you know?

Piers:

Piers notices that the world around him isn't real and has a midlife crisis. He's not real? Marnie isn't real?? What does this mean? What does he do? He's freaking out, but things get better when the player arrives, thus bringing you into his world

You treat Marnie kindly, and appreciate Spikemuth's aesthetic. He likes listening to you, and finds the little songs you sing to your Pokémon when camping and playing with them to be cute. He likes your voice, and realizes you probably have an idea of what's going on

So he approaches you after your battle. He tells you that your voice is nice, admits that he's aware of the state of the world he's in, and would appreciate if you could help explain. You're hesitant, but honest with him, which he appreciates. It's not a fun thing to learn, that he's living in a video game, but you make it. . . interesting.

Do you want to hear the song he wrote about you?

Leon:

Leon absolutely hates what he discovers. He's worked long and hard, sacrificed so much for being Champion, and now he gets to learn none of it was real? He's not real? Hop and his family aren't real? He's mad and devastated and doesn't know what to do with himself. He has a minor tantrum in his apartment before forcing himself to calm and meet Hop and his friend

He sees you, shining like the sun in the sky, with a smile warmer than sunshine. He's a little flustered by you, unsure of who you are or what you are. He just knows you coo over his brother and treat the Pokémon so sweetly. He needs to talk with you, to understand all of this

Leon approaches you when you're camping, and talks straight to you. He asks about you, who you are, what all this is. You're understandably surprised, but happy to talk with him. You answer his questions, and when he understands what all this is (a game, it blows his mind), he asks what you plan to do. And you shrug, telling him you plan on doing whatever the game tells you to do, and currently that's taking the Gym Challenge and becoming the Champion, which you plan on doing.

Leon smiles. Looks like he has some competition for once

🍓🍓🍓

Finding out you're not real must be one hell of an existential crisis.

Hope you enjoyed it, love! Have a good day!

~Renee

[killemwithkawaii]

Hello!! I recently got Tumblr after I read some of your love-sick sal fics and DAMN you got me trapped now senpai >////<

So here's my gush about Sal and Larry because I love both of those ghost hunter bffs

So first Sal. Where do I even start? Sally is such an interesting character and I love his concept alone!! The execution? Mwah -3- He's a little femboy but can also be so badass! Me being an absolute SUCKER for Yanderes I can't even begin to describe how much potential he has, but you already showed lots of it!! Sal is definitely the stalker type that collects everything. A little to weak to kidnap right of the bat, but he has that possibility in mind for emergencies. He definitely has journal after journal with drawings, notes and scenarios of Sal and his obsession lover~ He's definitely delusional about the relationship they share. I love to imagine that he'll play into anything his lover wants. Kinks? "Weird" habits? Hobbies? He's definitely into all of it if it means he can be with his lovely Y/N! And I LOVE that devotion so so so SO much!! He definitely isn't the type to force the darling to change but rather changes himself and that's a whole other level of being yandere, let me tell you that! Overall Sal/10 would buy again! Never been happier to have a delusional masked boi chilling outside my window ;D

Now, Larry. DAMN THE DUDE IS STRONG. And he also has connections where he can get drugs from? He'd definitely kidnap as soon as he sees a little danger and I'M ALL HERE FOR IT!! He's kinda the opposite of Sal which I kinda love! Well, sure, they share same interests, but I mean that while Sal is weak and timid (a little of a push-over when it comes to love but not in a bad way c;), Larry is a muscly dude who knows what he wants, but often only wants to chill (which I totally respect). Larry's yandere potential is also pretty high. I mean, he literally lives in the basement with pretty thick walls. It wouldn't be hard to hide a person there, plus he can also drug them if they get too noisy (nothing too dangerous or addicting though, he only wants them to relax a little). I imagine him being super soft though once darling gets Stockholm syndrome comfy! He isn't as delusional as Sal but honestly, he doesn't care. He just takes what he wants and DAMN IT I LOVE IT >//////< Larry/10 would buy again! Never have I been happier being in a basement smoking weed than U am now ;D

And Double Trouble? Let's keep it short.

BEST OF BOTH WORLDS LET'S GOOOOOO

>You got a tumblr… because of my yan!sal fics????? I am SO HONORED AAHHHHHH 🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖💖💖💖 (and also wonder how you found them if you weren't here already sdlkfd)

>I really need to do a rewatch with the intention of adding up all of Sals (and Larrys) 'yan points'. There are a lot of them, but I want to know exactly how many times he sneaks and creeps and gets all mushy in canon 📝✅

>Sal is a yandere packrat and I love that for all of us collectively (bu-dum-tss)

>He's also very open minded, nonjudgmental and observant, so I totally agree that he'd be accepting of (and quickly picks up on) his darlings 'weird' quirks and kinks and would romanticize the hell out of them (to a reasonable point- even love-sick Sally has to have some limits and doesn't want anybody to get hurt unnecessarily)

>Umf, his DEVOTION 👌👌👌 but also: his uncanny ability to charm just about anyone, how quick he is with his white lies and whit, his patience and tolerance, how he gets people to trust him so quickly despite how off-putting some find his appearance, how he uses his politeness, agreeability, emotional intelligence and flattery to get exactly what he wants from people and they thank him for it half the time, how he uses all of that to his advantage with the (perceived) best intentions AND to achieve his own goals… it just gets my darling dokis going so hard u//w//u 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

>As for Scary Larry, he's opposite yet complimentary to Love-Sick Sally (which is why Double Trouble is *chefs kiss*)- stubborn to a fault, doesn't mind making enemies, willing to get his hands dirty (mostly metaphorically speaking), able to say the hard truths, his inability to brush off unfairness or disrespect, a need for control that he doesn't quite know how to achieve…

>He makes me go '(giggling) Im in danger :3c' bc he could very easily overpower little ol me and it gets me feeling Ways (oh god and i just remembered hes a full foot taller than me HELP sdlfsadf) 👉👈💓💦

>The nickname Lar-bear is so fitting bc he could potentially tear someone limb from limb like a grizzly for messing with his darling but he would also cuddle [darling] all night in his yan dungeon like a big teddy bear 🤗🧸💖

>His PASSION 👌👌👌 he loves and feels so deeply and he can't seem to keep it contained. Sal is used to masking his feelings lol but Larry has to express himself, whether he's happy or angry or moved. His love might be intense to the point of smothering, but it's pretty nice once you get used to it~ 💘

>Both? Both. Definitely both (and thanks to this gush im gonna think about being in the middle of that delicious yan!sandwich all day) 🤤💕💕💕

[lihikainanea]

i love size kinks and how when tigers realllllyyyy small, she gets a little scared at how big he is, especially in exposed positions like spread eagle. our dude loves tantra, so i see him telling her to keep her eyes on him, hoping she’ll forget how huge he is everywhere else. if she whimpers and looks away, she grabs her chin to focus on him.

OOOOOOOOOOF WAY TO JUNK PUNCH ME.

The size kink will forever be my undoing. Like, it's just too good. It's too strong. I do not have many kryptonites but the hims big but she's smol is the one that will forever get me RAGING.

And like, the beauty with Bill is he is so goddamn tall that it really doesn't matter if you're not conventionally short. You're a 5'10 goddess? Honeyyyyyy, you can wear the highest heels you own because he'll STILL be taller than you.

It, admittedly, does take on a whole new world for us truly short gals who love the tall boys. I'm 5'2 and knowing that this beautiful evolved over-developed coconut tree with his peanut head is over A WHOLE FOOT TALLER THAN ME it is just...oof.

It is oof.

And tiger is reminded of--and affected by--his height on a daily basis. She notices it. He notices it. They both definitely enjoy it. Bill will purposely put things on shelves she can't reach, just so he can hear that annoyed whine when she calls for him and he can come in, chest puffed out, and easily pluck whatever she needs and hand it to her. He purposely and exaggeratedly ducks through doorways, just because he loves the little, barely-controlled lip bite and small intake of breath that tiger does every single time. Tiger will purposely ask him to do small, detailed tasks just so she can see his huge hands try and wrap around a tiny screwdriver as he curses. The day she tried too show him how to sew a button back onto his shirt, they both couldn't walk properly for a few days after.

His size is something that really gets her going, and when she's small it gets her going in a whole other way--because then he also embodies everything she loves. He's big enough to protect her. He's big enough to be scary. He's big enough that she can just fold into his arms and get lost there, and feel as if the entire world just disappears.

It's heaven.

But sometimes--sometimes when she's really far gone, Bill has to be careful. He has to be a little bit more aware. Tiger can easily slip when she’s vulnerable like that, and his size can quickly go from something that makes her feel comforted and safe to something that kind of scares the hell out of her, and it seems to happen incredibly randomly.

And like, Bill is big everywhere right? And that’s a thing, too. When tiger is so out of her mind, pleasure drunk, so far gone she doesn’t even know her own name--all she registers is the delicious, slightly painful stretch of him balls deep inside of her. Maybe she’s having a hard time adjusting this time, she’s still a bit tense or she’s just at a sensitive time in her cycle so she winces, tries to adjust--and Bill helps her out. He goes slow, pulls out a little bit, maybe shifts their position around so her ankles are over his shoulders--sometimes it’s easier for her that way, he doesn’t feel as big or he can’t hit as deep. He runs his lips down her neck, sucking softly, murmuring at her to try and relax.

But like, while this position helps one thing, it kind of makes everything else worse. Tiger is quite literally pinned, and suddenly Bill just looks huge--the expanse of his chest is all-encompassing, the width of his shoulders, the bulge of his biceps as he balances his weight on his arms. He’s just...everywhere. And he’s massive. Tiger whines a bit and Bill doesn’t like the sound of it; she shuts her eyes tightly and starts to shift. He can tell she’s slipping, so he tries to keep his movements slow to not spook her further.

“Easy sweet girl,” he says softly, “You’re okay.”

He eases her legs down from his shoulders slowly, resting them on the bed. He leans into her, pressing his chest to hers, and grounding her with some of his weight--at least this way she can’t see him, so she can’t be intimidated at how huge he looks. She can just feel him, she can smell him, she can curl into him to feel comforted again.

“You’re safe tiger,” he purrs into her ear as he intertwines his hand with hers, “You’re safe with me.”

She whines again but this one is more of desperation, not of discomfort. She pushes her chest up into him so he rests more of his weight on her--she wants more contact.

“My good girl,” he continues, “You’re safe. You just got a little spooked, so we’ll go slow. You’re safe here with me kid.”

And he just keeps repeating that to her, that she’s safe with him, that she’s okay. It’s what she needs to hear in those moments, when she can’t register much else. Slowly he feels her breathing start to normalize again, he hears the wheeze disappear from her breath, and she settles. He won’t ask her if she wants to continue, because she doesn’t want to take any decision--but he knows, when he goes to move away just slightly and she whines, pulling him back into her.

But it might be one of those nights where they have to do things a little differently--and oh sweet nani, how I love this idea of tantra. Maybe Bill knows that she’s just too sensitive to really go for the full monty that night, so instead he sets her up on his lap facing him--this way she can stay grounded by seeing him, and he doesn’t appear as terrifyingly huge to her this way. Maybe it’s a night where he just has to use his hands and get her off that way, because she’s too sensitive and too vulnerable for anything--but he can make her keep her eyes on him, he can make her keep her nails dug into his shoulders there as he runs his hands all over her and makes her feel good.

*chef kiss* magnifique, nani.