#'no i dont want to talk' like fuck you honestly

[whorrorbvby]

an update:

hey friends a lot of people have been asking where ive been on other socials and im sorry for being m.i.a and ignoring everyone’s worries. im not getting into it right now and i dont know if i want to talk about the details publicly. 

i deleted tumblr from my phone about two and a half weeks ago and ive had a friend keeping a queue going on main for me. it might be that way permanently now i don’t know. I don’t know that I want to come back to tumblr if im being honest. a lot of things happened and i just can’t handle seeing certain people anymore so i’ve been hanging out on two of the more safer socials where tumblr people people generally leave me alone. not that im upset with you any of you or anything it’s more of a personal relationship and it just turned me off of basically everything and i just can’t handle a lot right now.  

i didn’t want to stop posting my own content for obvious reasons but i really can’t bring myself to come back it’s too hard and my heart can’t handle it right now. i also haven’t taken any new photos or anything and as of right now i don’t really feel super comfortable in sharing my body in that way. situations have made me feel disgusting as a person and i can’t look at myself. im trying to post more on ig to boost myself back up but i don’t know my self image is kind of ruined now. plus i’ve lost 15lbs from stress and inability to eat because of it and with how many people already harass and bully me for how scrawny i am i don’t want to subject myself in my current mental state to even the possibility of anyone saying anything. 

but like i said i have a friend running main for me and i might have them run this account too and my pepper page just because i do want to go back to making content i just dont know if i can handle posting or being in certain spaces right now. 

on top of what im currently dealing with in my personal life this is just a really hard time for me in general because of the holiday season and close to the anniversary of my best friends death so i tend to shut down a little anyway it’s just my entire world came crashing down again and im honestly starting to give up on even existing. i know im being melodramatic and i need to suck it up and just go back to status quo it’s just really hard this time and i cant force myself into a positive headspace like i used to even for a second. i have honestly never felt this empty and i barely know who i am or what my worth is anymore. 

i dont know if i’ll turn my asks back on. my friend offered to answer anything for me but its better for my mental health if i dont because i know people will ask questions and i dont trust myself to not completely go off on a tangent. im sorry i know im rambling but i feel like a proper update with zero room for misunderstanding is needed and i dont want to sugarcoat or lie to any of you to make myself seem or feel better cuz i respect the hell out of you guys and you deserve honesty if for nothing else. and i appreciate so fucking much you all continuing to support me and hype me up through all the bullshit life keeps throwing at me. 

im mostly on ig and threads right now and on threads im talking about games and movies with new people im meeting and it’s been really helping through shit. if you follow me on snap you saw me say im thinking about deleting everything. my accounts are still up and as long as my friend still wants to help me out i’ll at least have a queue running on main but i’ve deleted every social app other than ig and threads. i wholeheartedly planned on deleting snap last night but it’s the only way some of you get any updates from me so for now i wont delete it but i might make a new one instead just to get away from situations that are bringing me down. we’ll see. if I make a new snap i’ll post it everywhere n put it in my bios. that being said i don’t have a private/nsfw snap and i wont make one im sorry. i still wont sell content outside of what i post on peppers and i wont do customs im sorry. maybe in the future but right now i need to focus on myself and getting out of this headspace before i do anything else. 

but truly thank you for sticking with me and just genuinely being the best crew around. i promise to try my best to get out of this mess of a headspace im in as quickly as possible and im really sorry for basically abandoning everything again but i really am hopeful for the future and just trying to focus on myself and my happiness at the moment 🙏🏻🧡

[oozygutz]

oh finally an excuse to ramble about my choices and reasonings for their classpects

SMALL DISCLAIMER: i chose their aspects based on how i think they would be as trolls and not as their human counterparts, its specifically meant to play on a dynamic that is similar to their regulars selves without really BEING them in the same way. their human counterparts would probably be entirely different classes honestly

ill start with swansea, as his choice for classpect is more a way i can have a character who is well wise beyond their years without being too much older, since adults dont live on alternia. theyre all teenagers in this au. swansea could be a mind player for this to still work, but we also NEED a time player for the possibility of a successful game of sgrub, so i opted for making him a time player as its another class associated with being wise. another thing that effected my choice was the name and title associated with the sign that has the time class: tauries, sign of the unsatisfied. it just felt right (AND his role as a time player and last standing survivor with jimmy, is going to make things go a little differently from canon)

curly is another one where my choice is based on what is necessary for a successful game, i really did want to make curly a blood player at first because of his role as a leader and bonds, though what really sold me on the possibility of curly being our space player was that he is a "big picture" focused guy rather than a "itty gritty small details" guy, a trait pretty well associated with space... that, and i feel having such a necessary role to complete the game would make his upcoming loss of mobility that much more dire

AND NOW DAISUKE... sylths are healers, breath is associated with wind/air. what does that mean for the powers daisuke gets? AROMATHERAPY. BECAUSE OF HIS ASSOCIATION WITH FLOWERS. thats literally it, i just wanted him to have flower powers and smell nice. that and troll daisuke is a fuchsia blood! our poor boy is an upcoming heir to the throne, likely making him long for freedom while being forced into the role of a potential leader, something commonly associated with breath players

why is anya a page of mind? because pages are folks who have untapped potential, they have to put in so much effort to get where they need to be and may get their dreams crushed along the way. sounds familiar, doesnt it? anya is constantly belittled by jimmy for her skill set as a nurse, she fails medical school a multitude of times, and was impregnated against her will by him, u get the deal. troll anya will be a little different, shes a jade blood so rather than being a nurse she is an upcoming midwife for the mothergrub, maybe a bit incompetent when it comes to caretaking. she is still a smart cookie despite how talked down on she is by jimmy, she will definitely find her to time to SHINE eventually

and then theres jimmy, at first ur thinking huh? thief of doom? that sounds so silly. yeah at first i wasnt sure either but ill explain. the thief of doom is one who steals doom and steals with doom, for his own benefit, you tie it in a neat little bow with cerulean blood and derse? u get scormini, the sign of the martyr. one who suffers death rather than renouncing a belief or religion, a victim of great suffering. jimmys whole thing is built on being a victim, of himself, he is a victim of his own self doom and hes going to make it everyone elses fucking problem. he will kill everyone in this room and then himself, its going to be so ugly

but yeah thats basically my rough explanation for all of the choices i made, itll make much more sense the more i progress with the au

get trolled on

[thatfizzyyyy]

literally i wish the worst on her shes such a bitch

[puppyeared]

Why have sex when u can watch blackhead removal videos

[dykedvonte]

I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.

I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.

It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.

There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.

[thegreatyin]

this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail

sorry got in character for a second

Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though

congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)

[castielsprostate]

genuinely though if they continue venom without tom hardy, or without eddie brock, i will blow myself up and not in a good way

[mamawasatesttube]

sorry i need to be a hater for a minute. tim drake: robin is a plague upon this earth because it is late 2024 and i Still can't go into kon tags without seeing that stupid fucking blond bitch. enough

[dimonds456]

It is not okay to speculate whether or not someone is suicidal. If they claim to be, you should 100% take that shit seriously and give them the benefit of the doubt.

That said, if someone is using their own suicidality as a weapon to gain sympathy, emotionally manipulate someone, or to push other people down, GENUINELY fuck that person. While it's not okay for us to doubt that statement just because they're weaponizing it, that also doesn't mean we need to ALLOW that manipulation to convince us of something.

If you feel the need to use your terrible mental health as a step-stool in a conversation to make your side more heard than the other, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself. And I am saying this as someone who ALSO has shit mental health and has been in the trenches with it before. I get it. I understand. But also STOP.

It's tempting to want to save your own ass over recognizing where you've gone wrong, but just a word of advise: recognizing where you've gone wrong WILL save your ass and give you better mental health and wisdom down the line.

However, emotionally manipulating people absolutely will not.

[hella1975]

so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment

[gorespawn]

also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me

[oh-no-its-bird]

I love finding really niche, super rare crackships with an immediatley interesting sounding premise bc my first thought is always "oh is this @ blackkatmagic ?"

Like. Multiple fandoms too. And then I'm always either mildly surprised when it's not or do a really smug little dance when I guessed right and it is

[ganondoodle]

in all honesty, im feeling a bit burned out on totk, the more i think about it the more i dislike its story and lore, i dont know what to make of it it being so loved by everyone else makes me feel like theres something wrong about me :/ gonna try and take a step back from it all

[scattered-winter]

almost came out to my sister today except she was on speakerphone with her husband so that did NOT happen lmao

[x1702x]

Kai cenat is gonna play bloodborne im sorry but im gatekeeping

[fadewalking]

Bellara lowkey pissing me off with all this feeling guilty bs