#'it's fighting philza it's fighting philza what do i do??????'

[nis-talks-qsmp]

Philza: Fighting with the monster

Missa:

[cat-mentality]

It's funny really, how much the children have taken from their adoptive parents.

How looking at them is something akin to looking in a mirror.

Chayenne who is eerily similar to Philza with the same blue hair and blue eyes, the same nose, but whose smile is all Missa's. Who loves deeply, like them both, who likes cooking and avoids larger crowds, who has no time for people's bullshit, who likes stories, farming potatoes and training with his weapons.

Ramon whose tiny smile is a carbon copy of Fit's, something precious to be cherished like the gift it is. Who is clever and resourceful and focused on what really matters, hardworking to a fault.

Leonarda with Vegetta's purple eyes and Foolish's cheekbones and nose. Leo who is creative and protective, who will defend her loved ones with everything she has, who wants pretty things and nice buildings in her name, who enjoys the good things in life.

Dapper who is his father's copy, who proudly display the demonic traits many hide in shame, the midnight skin, the white eyes, the little horns. Dapper who is clever, who likes to play with the obscure, who collects animals, who is fiercely protective of her loved ones.

Tallulah who may as well be Wilbur's copy as well, the same curly brown hair, the same big dark eyes, whose smile is just the tiniest bit crooked, exactly like Phil's. Tallulah who loves music so very deeply, who is passionate and puts her heart into her projects.

It's tragic really, how much the children have taken from their adoptive parents.

How looking at them is something akin to looking in a mirror.

Chayenne who is the oldest. The little warrior, his father’s son in bravery and courage and protectiveness, Chayenne who has taken the role of the protector without having to be told.

Chayenne, who is his fathers’ son. Who hides his insecurity and his fear because he cannot allow himself to appear weak or scared because all the siblings are looking at him for comfort, for guidance. Chayenne who takes every single thing gone wrong as a signal of his failure, of his weakness, who fear every single day that his siblings, that his parents, are going to look at him and see the scared little boy who cannot save his siblings, who failed them so many times and just keeps on failing.

And that they will realize he is not worth their time or their love.

Chayenne who is his father’s son and cannot put those insecurities into words, who cannot talk about them because they are his burden to care, because his parents and siblings have more important things to care about, because he is the oldest and he is not suppose to give them reasons to worry, he is supposed to be strong and reliable.

He has never been taught to be honest about his fears, he has watched as his father takes on the responsibility of taking care of another child by himself without a word of protest, he has watched as he father held his emotions close to his chest and he has learned to do the same. 

Chayenne like his father Missa, who believes he is not worth of their love unless he proves it with his actions, who is scared of failure as much as he is scare of trying, who struggles with what he truly wants to do, with the childish urges to just have fun, to just ask for a hug or to cry in the embrace of a loved one, and the believe of what he thinks he must do, stay strong and brave and keep his siblings safe so that they do not share his pain, so that they know they are loved and appreciated and that they are safe with him.

Leonarda who shares her pa Foolish's loneliness.

Leonarda who has so very few people she feels like she can trust, so very few people she believes would even care to look at her twice, and who has lost, on multiple occasions, those people, who has felt alone and scared too many times to count.

She hides her feelings deep inside even when it hurts, can't bear to expose them to the world because she knows how easily the world will step on them, how easily they will laugh at her or even ignore her pain because they are so very used to not thinking about her at all. Leo who clings to her loved ones with protective fierceness, even with jealousy, because she has so very few of them.

Just a child, a child like the others, yet most of the time people don't seem to take her seriously, just like they don't take her pa seriously, Leonarda who just like her pa Vegetta feels like she must step up as the protector, that she has to take charge into protecting the one person who has always seem and understood her, who will put him above everyone else because she knows that they will never be anyone's else priorities.

Lonely little girl with her lonely silly father, waiting for a ghost, surviving on memories.

Dapper who is the victim of sins that don't belong to her. Dapper, forever burdened by actions they didn't take, a child punished by the sins of the father. A child, who will gladly take the burden of pain if that means his sister and father will remain safe and unharmed.

Dapper who trusts very few people, Dapper who like her father keeps her plans to herself, who wants to fix things with his own hands, who doesn't want others to be sucked into their plans, who doesn't want anyone to ever be hurt for their sake, Dapper who loves so very deeply but who like the man who raises him do not know how to trust, how to let others help.

A child, so familiar with death. A child, so understanding that everything comes to an end, so utterly aware that her time is counted and all the implications of it. A child, like her father, so connected with death, a child who does not fear death, but rather the consequences of his passing will have on the ones he loves the most. A child, who never puts himself as a priority in his plans, a child who always thinks about the bigger picture, who hides her pain and his fears because they are not as important as getting the results.

Ramon who is so serious, so comically serious, a child who tries to behave so much older than his years. Ramon who doesn't like to be sentimental, who doesn't like to talk about mushy things, who doesn't even call Fit "dad" even if he has loved him since the beginning.

A child forced to grow up so quickly. A child with adult's fears. A child who wants to make plans for his father in case one day he wouldn't be here to take care of Fit anymore, who wants him to have other people.

Ramon who will show his love in little gestures, in short phrases he will pretend he never said after, who like Fit tackles emotions like dangerous mobs, who don't know how to tame the storm that breeds inside his chest, who doesn't know how to express the vulnerability that lays inside him, who would rather kill that part of himself. Ramon who loves, heavens, how much does he love, and he will show it in his actions, he will show it by putting himself in front of his sisters when there is danger close, he will show it by watching their favorite movies without complaining, he will show it by helping his father, he will show it in silent companionship, he will show it in tiny little smiles.

Ramon who loves so much, so deeply, Ramon who doesn't believe he has done anything to earn the same love back, Ramon who thinks he has to give and give and give to deserve the love that he has never realized is freely given. Ramon who is too much like Fit to recognize his own importance, his own worth, Ramon who, like Fit, doesn't think he could be loved simply by who he is.

Tallulah who understands her papi now.

That recognizes she was just a silly little girl when they met for the first time, who dreamed of the impossible. Stupid for ever thinking that her love alone would be enough, that she could love enough for both herself and Wilbur.

She couldn't, of course she couldn't. Wilbur didn't belong to the Island, like herself he was too big for this place, unable to lay down his roots, a leaf in the wind just passing by with no intention of ever building a home, or staying in the same place for too long.

It's not his fault, she tries to tell herself when rage builds a nest inside her heart, it's not his fault his calling is elsewhere, it's not his fault he cannot stand to be locked up, that he has the freedom everyone else dies and kills for. He tried, he warned her, but Tallulah had been alone and afraid, a silly little girl who believed in fairy tales, who believed she could be loved as fiercely as she longed to love another.

(That is something they share as well, not that Tallulah knows it- They love deeply, herself and Wilbur, they cling to love with desperation, trying to fill an unending void that lives inside their hearts, an emptiness that comes from never feeling like you are someone's priority, that comes from never fitting anywhere.)

Her love alone could not hold them together exactly how no one's love can hold her together now.

Tallulah who is her father's daughter, who is shaped not by his presence but rather by the empty spot he left in her heart, one that cannot be filled by anyone else, no matter how much they may love her.

Children, forced to grow up too fast, too quickly. Children who learned so much from their parents.

[time-is-restored]

btw not to make everything about My Fucking Guy but i honestly think one of the things that seperates q!phil out from the other islanders is the approach he takes to dealing with the lack of agency + control all the islanders have over whatever the fuck the federation's doing.

it shows up most prominently whenever tubbo is excitedly telling him about the 'progress' he's made with cucurucho or various investigations (ie: trapping him into a corner with the 'do you have free will' questions), and phil always shoots it down w an immediate 'that doesn't mean anything. curucuho will say anything to mess with you. you can't take anything he says as true.'

and it's not that phil is... a paticularly pessimistic character? he's just EXTREMELY practical. like, he's yet to give up on anyone EVER finding ANY answers (he was the one who initially gave the federation that one week ultimatum w the cage for a cage stream), he just doesn't trust the idea that curucuho is ever going to voluntarily give them. they're uncontrollable + senseless - you might as well argue with the weather.

and like, if that's how he sees the one (1) and only point of contact the islanders HAD with the federation for months, it explains a lot abt his characters lifestyle! ofc he sits on the wall all day, talking to his kids, and keeping his head down. he believes that the federation wants nothing more than to drag the islanders into sick games + tasks just so they can fuck with their head (ie: curucuho revealing he was the one cellbit gathered all that information for). and while he can't totally PREVENT any of that from ever impacting him, he can make sure his kids are well fed, well protected, and as happy + comfortable as he can manage. this is objectively not a perfect situation, there is a guaranteed amount of suffering + fear that he can't mitigate, but he can at least account for it.

like, he REFUSES to engage. whenever curucho shows up, he treats them with total ambivalence. he's not going to get riled up by anything they do, he's not going to get super attached to the guy, he's just gonna laugh it off and irish goodbye it when things drag on. the ONLY time he's strayed from that general guiding principle has been since he's lost his eggs, and can no longer afford to let the federation's fuckery go: those are his fucking kids.

hence the completely unprecedented levels of outward rage and sadness and terror he shows throughout the birdcage streams - almost all directed directly to cucurucho. it's all a completely fair + proportional response to the horror the islanders are being subjected to, but it feels so different bc until now, q!phil has been so dedicated to not reacting, and not giving the federation any sign that they're actually getting to him.

[masonjarart]

Not prepared for qPhilza to log on tomorrow and realize a bunch of his friends were "terminated" (whatever tf that means) and not only that but he's kinda of part of the reason (aside from the museum bit) his last moments with them was fighting and him killing their egg was him laughing and cheering at their defeat no knowing what it would cause

[royalarchivist]

Sneeg: ...Fit? What is that? WHAT IS THAT?

Phil: Fit came prepared, dude. It's a legit Minecraft nuke!

Techno: Wait– what the heck is that?

Phil: An End Crystal, he was about to use that to yeet someone.

Grunks (?): Techno is not aware of the 2B2T culture, I see...

Techno: Uh, I am not.

Technoblade learns about End Crystal PvP from Philza and our favorite 2B2T veteran, FitMC! ⚔️💥

[Full Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]

—

Sneeg: ...Fit? What is that? WHAT IS THAT?

Phil: Fit- Fit came prepared, dude.

Fit: That's right!

Techno: OH– Fit has the nukes!

Phil: It's a legit Minecraft nuke!

Fit: I didn't get to use any of my weapons!

Techno: Wait– what the heck is that?

Phil: An End Crystal, he was about to use that to yeet someone.

Techno: [Laughs]

Grunks (?): Techno is not aware of the 2B2T culture, I see...

Fit: Ohhh.

Techno: Uh, I am not.

Phil: You see the obsidian he placed down over there next to that plane?

Techno: Yeah?

Phil: That was gonna be a blast radius of like, a huge Creeper– charged Creeper explosion.

Techno: Oh snap.

Phil: You know when you fight the Dragon and those towers have the explosive bits on the top?

Techno: Yeah?

Phil: Yeah, he's holding- he's holding one of those explosive bits.

Techno: I'm just gonna get launched.

[A black transition screen with text that reads: "1 year 7 months later..."]

Ranboo: There he is, there he is!

Techno: [Spots an End Crystal on the ground and picks it up]

Phil: I can't see him.

Ranboo: I can't- I can't–

Squidkid: HE'S HOLDING NETHER CRYSTALS!

Ranboo: Oh god– OH NO!

Phil: OHHH!!!

Squidkid: He's holding Nether crystals!

Ranboo: Wait, is he trying to Nether Crys– Or wait– is he trying to End Crystal us?

Techno: [Lying] I don't know how to do that!

Squidkid: If he tries, half of his dogs are gonna disappear!

Ranboo: [Overlapping with Squidkid] You're right, he wouldn't know how to do THAT.

Techno: More dogs, Chat! More dogs! It's the only way!

Clip sources:

SMP Earth: Battle of the Pit - Timestamp: 11m 30s

Minecraft But Viewers Control The Game (the charity event Techno did for the Sarcoma Foundation) - Timestamp: 2h 8m

[fancy-fangs]

"oh c!ranboo was such a pussy" "c!ranboo was so annoying they didn't have a single backbone" ARE YOU ALL CRAZY??? DID WE WATCH THE SAME DSMP???

Imagine you're just a guy, you don't remember anything, you don't know where you came from, you don't know where you are, you barely remember who you are and you see you have nothing to your name. You see this big ass nation full of people and PEOPLE ACTUALLY KILLING EACH OTHER - of fucking course you'd keep to yourself and try to not start conflicts!!!

He literally saw how people were hunted and murdered over simple disagreements!!! He literally saw how people got tortured for not doing what they were told!!! Of course he would follow the laws and whatever else he was told. Of fucking course they didn't go around starting fights and punching people around.

They were literally already at the bottom of the food chain and saw what happened to ppl who were already better off than him. Why the fuck would he not just choose to listen to everyone else.

Plus as mentioned before, he didn't know shit. He didn't know how things worked. He didn't know how their community and society worked. He didn't know the rules of their made up countries. Of course he'd just listen to what people told him. What fucking other option did he have.

Yes he was a people pleaser intrinsically from the start and obviously that stayed a part of his character (plus meta reasons and bla bla) but some people are acting like he was the biggest loser for behaving the way he did.

PLUS he got so much more confrontational when he had things to lose??? When he owned things, when he had a husband, WHEN HE HAD A CHILD - he was fucking ready to kill over them no hesitation. He didn't care enough about his own back, but he kept Tubbos like a guard dog that bites off your hand if you make the wrong move.

Do not tell me Ranboo didn't have a backbone and was such a pussy, when he literally would have fought philza about leaving tubbo alone.

C!Ranboo was a teenager with self worth issues in a society where people killed and tortured over the smallest disagreements. I think he was okay to be a bit of a "yes-man"

[tsykku]

I think Philza's anger towards the island and the federation is easily overlooked in the grand scheme of things. As he is not very loud about it and because he is not very involved in a lot of the ongoing lore groups of late or in the detective circle itself.

But make no mistake, Philza Minecraft is pissed af about the island trying to kill the eggs.

He just handles that anger differently from some other qsmp members. This is for most because of his relationship with finite endings and death. As the hardcore player of Minecraft that he is, Philza is very well acquainted with the possibility and certainty that something you love will die and that you will have to say goodbye. Regardless of how much effort you put into it or how much you love it.

The only thing you can do is to try to prepare as much as you can and avoid all unnecessary risks to delay the inevitable.

And that is exactly what he does with the eggs as well. He grinds off stream to get better weapons that will have a lower chance of backfiring on the eggs, he instructs Chayanne how to land crits to do more damage and makes sure that Tallulah wears her armour when going out.

More importantly, he constantly reminds the eggs that the only thing that they can do is to try to keep themselves alive by improving their chances of survival but that ultimately, the island wants them dead and that is not something that they can fight against. He explains that there will be and already have been unfair fights that they were not meant to win. That this is just the world that they live in.

This does not mean however that he has given up or is not mad. He is still willing to fight.

You can hear his anger if you listen to the way he shouts at the admins in the sky about unfair combat chances, about how the binary monster is a coward and how the island is a fraud as they do not want them happy at all, regardless about what they claim about enjoying about the island.

It is in the way that he names his weapon designed to fight the binary moster 'D I E' in binary code.

It is in the way how quiet he got when Tallulah and Chayanne were unfairly killed out of nothing during the 'nightmare' on the beach.

But most of all, it is in the way that he makes sure that he spends his time with the eggs in joy instead of wallowing in sadness or anger. Because he knows the value of enjoying the time you have left before something is lost or unreachable forever.

[dontcryminecraft]

red team purgatory day one

half of red team isn't here, nobody knows how to actually PLAY MINECRAFT, and the only person remotely good at pvp here is philza. Carre carries everyone and is off doing his own thing. Even IF the other half of the team is there, the only person i can accurately gauge the ability of is WILBUR, and i have zero faith in his skills lol. Everyone is realizing how much they're going to have to stream, and some will have to change their schedules in order to play effectively. Charlie doesn't stream for 5 hours, but he has to be here for all of this, and it becomes VERY CLEAR, VERY QUICKLY, WHY HE DOESN'T. His voice is dead and he is unravelling at the seams. He hates it here more than anyone. only half of his breakdown is a joke. They're drying. Cellbit and Slime had ENOUGH and just beat each other with sticks. They're devolving and screaming about how much they hate this and they're manic and their arms feel numb and tingly and badboyhalo keeps killing them and they keep dying and life hates them. Jaiden told badboyhalo to kill himself. In a fit of rage they declared that they no longer care about the eggs and they'd rather just go home. They're planning on logging in on Monday only to build a house and start Egg Island Survival LetsPlay where they make an Emerald Empire and only respond in Villiager Hrmms. now they're sing/screaming as their base burns around them, and i can't tell what they're supposed to be singing but they kept repeating "say something I'm giving up on you" and someone started playing the Living TombStone FNAF song. Phil got a globe and gifted everyone a fidget toy to spin and they're just sitting and spinning. Baghera just realized that Phil already had all the saplings they need and she wasted her time, so Phil took off his armor so the two can could fight. Baghera lost even though she had a diamond sword, so Phil just let her kill him so she can be happy. Corpses scatter across their yard. They're killing each other. I started typing this with 20 minutes left and I'm witnessing the longest fucking 20 minutes of my life how is there still 7-whatever minutes left??? CELLBIT JUST CONFESSED TO THE MURDERS AND THEY'RE CONFESSING TO THEIR SINS NOW???? I CAN'T TELL IF CHARLIE'S CONFESSION ABOUT JUANAFLIPPA AND THE CODE IS CANON???? Charlie suggests a cannibalism arc and everyone wants to go absolutely FERAL and cellbit it trying to act normal about that idea and kinda fails at it. And it all ends with everyone being banned to enforce the 5-hour rule. We're Free...for today. And despite this, they don't want to change teams and they're actually looking forward to suffering with friends :) ...nevermind they're planning on selling wilbur to get a better advantage.

[ramons-elevator]

I wanna write a thousand essays on today about every team, but I feel like Bolas?? egg base and how they played today showcases their team very fucking well

First, the base was insane. If you didnt watch their streams recently, they weren’t 100% confident in their base. It wasnt as complete as they wanted it to be. It was half done and rushed at the last second.

But yet it was the most confusing and efficient base. Etoiles was mining at the base for like 15 mins, screaming about how he is confused on where the fuck the egg is. Hell, everyone including team Bolas hated the base because it was just awful to go through. And yet the other teams nearly found it like 4 times.

I feel like that Bolas in a whole. They are unpredictable and confusing. One of them says they dont wanna harm any farms yet another later on destroys a farm. Someone will say they are dirt poor while the other will say they are incredibly rich. They will light themselves on fire just to make sure you dont get want you want.

And yet they are careful with covering their tracks. They have so many different layers to their base to the point the other members are confused on what is what. They make sure everyone thinks they live on their old island. But yet they are prepared when someone finds their base and they have to move

Now going to how they all acted today holy shit

Foolish and Philza being sneaky rats and constantly climbing into Greens egg base. Foolish at one point was dead quiet as everyone around him was searching for him. Phil paragliding over and over again and just trying to hit them off their base.

Baghera being the agent of Chaos and fucking chasing people down with her chainsaw, having the time of her life. It was a terrifying image, but also an insane strat because he was destroying peoples armor. I remember Etoiles and Forever yelling about it being like what the fuck??

Charlie coming in last minute and doing what he can and just being himself. Chasing people down, only for them to one shot him. Just being in peoples way so they dont find the egg.

Cellbit being bloodthirsty and going for people, but hesitant when he saw Roier. He only hit when Roier hit him. Then constantly making sure no one saw the egg base and giving commands when things were getting scary

Jaiden helping out and kicking ass. Jaiden being in peoples ways so they dont spend more time at the egg base. Also just getting into fights as much as she can.

Who is to say if Phil killing the Egg statue is going to make a difference or not because we are just as blind as everyone else. We can make up as many theories at as we want, but you cant deny that team Bolas with the amazing help from team Soulfire deserve that win and that Cellbit and Foolish did an amazing job on the egg base.

[justcallme-ange]

So I've got a lot of things in the works that I'm having to keep hush hush about - so in the mean time @rainystressed247 how about some "How to train your Philza"? The story is pretty loose at the moment, but I do have the moment that inspired it. I love characters going feral when they're cornered/hurt. [Gore Warning] Poor Philza has been through it - Thankfully Dream is there!

Basically Phil was way out in the server - hundreds of blocks away from even the most remote builds when he got ambushed by a skeleton and then a few creepers. Dream hears the explosions nearby (he's at his house - that is very far away) and rushes to see what caused them and finds a very delirious Phil. He accidentally spooks him and Phil takes off a little further down into the forest before Dream catches up and Philza makes his "last stand".

He's a sorry sight and is too injured to really put up a fight, so a moment after this he passes out and Dream has to quickly remember how to do field dressings before Phil bleeds out.

[magicalmanhattanproject]

(Most) QSMP Characters As Dog Breeds

Etoiles – Great Pyrenees

Literally the reason I made this whole goddamn monster of a post. Sometimes a man is just So dogboy. Specifically, livestock guardian dogboy. Pyrs are massive, immensely strong dogs that are bred to protect flocks of sheep from wolves and bears and they are very, very good at it. They are fiercely loyal, but also independent and comfortable spending time off on their own and making their own decisions as they wander the borders of their flock's territory. While they're phenomenal at guarding the sheep, they don't have any business herding the sheep or trying to get the sheep to go anywhere in particular.

Philza – Border Collie

Herding the flock is the job of a dog like the collie. The whole point of them is to keep a whole massive flock all in one place and all moving the same direction. Keeping them together, keeping stragglers in line, making sure everyone is accounted for. Border collies in particular are considered the smartest breed of dog on the planet, making them highly adaptable to a wide range of new situations. On the other hand, a collie that doesn't have the space to roam freely and keep itself occupied can easily turn bored, anxious, and destructive.

Roier – Calupoh

Also known as the Mexican wolfdog as it was made by hybridizing with wolves, the calupoh is used for both herding and guarding livestock. While it's not hyperspecialized for either role like the pyrenees or collie are, it can more than hold its own in both. They tend to get along well with both children and other dogs, making them excellent family dogs.

Quackity – Chihuahua

He's short, he's loud, and he likes to start fights he can't possibly win. What more do you want from me? Chihuahuas also happen to be one of the oldest native Mexican breeds alongside the Xoloitzcuintli.

Tubbo – Cairn Terrier

Stubborn, clever, and prone to excessive barking, Cairn terriers are nonetheless loyal and protective of their family. They're playful with family and get along great with children. Bred to chase down vermin, they love digging holes and chasing after whatever catches their eye. They are also known to enjoy chasing things and digging holes. Some of their hobbies include digging holes and chasing after things. They are much less fond of being told to stop chasing or digging.

Tina – Lhasa Apso

The lhasa apso is decidedly not a working dog. Their job is to sit around looking pretty and being brushed and doted on until they hear any suspicious noise that might disturb their peace, at which point they start barking to alert the actual muscle to get to work. That being said, they're more than willing to do the biting themselves if they decide the muscle is too slow to react.

BadBoyHalo – Pit Bull

The pit bull is a breed surrounded by rumors, misinformation, and flat out lies. For one thing, it's not even a breed. It's at least eight breeds that people lump together because they assume they're scarier or more aggressive or dangerous than average, including weird made up lies about locking jaws and nonsense like that. On the other hand, other people will argue that every pit bull is completely 100% harmless and neither would nor could hurt a fly. The truth of the matter is that a dog can be sweet and loving and playful and affectionate and also muscular and toothy and capable of lashing out when hurt or scared or simply because it has a prey drive that it hasn't been properly trained and socialized to restrain.

Jaiden – Beagle

Everyone loves a beagle! They're chill, sweet, eager to please, and down for anything. This makes them a preferred breed for animal testing.

Missa – Siberian Husky

Incredibly dramatic creature. Everything that is going on in the husky's life is the most important and portentous thing that has ever occurred and it will tell all you about it. Loudly.

Carre – Dogo Argentino

Although they sometimes get folded into the "pit bull" label, the dogo is a mastiff bred to hunt pumas and wild boars. They have strong prey drives and love to chase, but are very affectionate with their families. They can also have problem with dog aggression if not properly socialized, but do well with human strangers.

Bagi – Bloodhound

If there's one thing bloodhounds are good at – better than any other dog at, in fact – it's following a scent. They have the best sense of smell of any dog and can follow trails long after they would have gone cold for anyone else. The problem is this leads to an obsessive tendency. They find an interesting smell to follow and they follow it no matter where it's going or who is trying to get them to stop.

Pierre – Pyrenean Shepherd

Another sheepdog, this time bred specifically to work with the Great Pyrenees. Highly intelligent, highly motivated, if they cannot find any problems to solve, they will create them.

Fit – German Shepherd

A trustworthy, versatile breed, German shepherds have the power and strength for aggressive guard and attack dog roles as well as the intelligence to work as service or search and rescue and dogs. In fact, these are some of the most likely dogs to get themselves a job.

Mariana – English Greyhound

Large, long, lean. Little loony.

Wilbur – Borzoi

Large, long, lean. Little loony. (Floppy hair version)

Spreen – Ovcharka

Type of dog to make you go "holy shit is that a bear!" and type of dog to make a bear wish you saw right.

Niki – Hovawart

Native German breed known as a guard for the home and the farm. They are very protective of children and loyal to their families, but take a while to warm up to strangers.

Mouse – Papillon

The smallest of the spaniels, the papillon is not a lapdog. They are highly intelligent and highly energetic and require plenty of daily exercise to meet their activity needs. They're friendly and outgoing and great fun to be around.

Rivers – Boxer

You know, because she boxes...

Pol – Basset Hound

These days, the basset is a companion dog that's perfectly content to lounge around the house all day and not get into too much trouble. And it's these days that we're worried about, right?

Felps – Brazilian Terrier

He's just a little guy who loves to dig.

Antoine – Dogue de Bordeux

An ancient French breed with a weird looking face. The dogue is calm and friendly with children, but aloof with strangers and serves well as a guard dog.

Baghera – Poodle

Look at that silly dog with that funny haircut! Surely that can't be a highly intelligent and effective hunting dog. Nope, none of that here. Just the funny haircut dog. Hey, did you hear the joke about the goldfish?

Cellbit – Fila Brasileiro

Bred from mastiffs and bloodhounds, filas are massive dogs with incredibly powerful tracking instincts and prey drives. They are loyal and protective of their family and especially children but can be aggressive with strangers if not properly trained.

Maxo – Portuguese Water Dog

Please stop trying to keep him on land. Please. He just wants to get off the island. You know, to swim.

Vegetta – Burgos Pointer

Native Spanish breed of gundog. About as close to purple as a dog can get. Generally mild mannered and even tempered, but a hunting dog to the core, they need space to run and roam and make some trouble for small animals.

Foolish – Golden Retriever

A gorgeous specimen of classical doghood. Bred for a similar role to pointers. Known as goofy, charming housepets, but also extremely intelligent, diligent, and hardworking. And gorgeous.

Pac - Irish Wolfhound

Introverted, intelligent, and easygoing, but prone to becoming destructive and morose if left alone for too long. Unreliable watchdogs due to their friendliness towards strangers.

Mike – Campeiro Bulldog

Powerful, strong, and active, with a real fighting spirit and a temper that's slow to activate but powerful when it's there.

Slime – Pug

I'm out of pictures. You know what these look like. Specifically with the most smushed face possible. Why would you breed this dog? Try again.

Cucurucho – Rat

Literally canon.

[odusseus-xvi]

Pomme, the french egg

So I did a post about the french streamers (and their characters) and their mischaracterization I could see from time to time (https://www.tumblr.com/odusseus-xvi/724443078442778624/hello-helloooo-friend-hi-i-just-wanted-to-say) But I realised I didn't talk about Pomme, who has arguably the MOST mischaracterization I can find :

Most of the fandom see her only through English or other languages streams (BBH, Philza and Maximus mostly recently) limiting their views of her in general, but because of that a lot of people don't seem to know what her personnality is like, and most of the time in fanarts or fanfics she just feels like Talullah (which people also mischaracterize) but french, a little sweet girl in a little dress, so I decided to do a little summary of what she is like and some of her traits that you may have missed :

What people do get right is that she is most of the time polite and empathetic, that people get, though they tend to simplify her to only that.

She is very intelligent (learned a bit of create with Aypierre) and likes to both theorize and gossip with Baghera.

One of her parents is ETOILES !! She is a good and competent fighter ; just a few days ago she went and did a Nether Dungeon with Phil and Etoiles while Talullah worked on her garden. Her main weapon is a Moonlight GREATsword, a GREATsword, a BIGASS SWORD. She participated in infiltration missions in Federation Buildings alongside BBH, and Aypierre, in which she saved her father (Aypierre) from being caught and interrogated by Cucurucho

She has developped a deep paranoïa when it comes to the eggs' and her own safety ; between the combination of the attack of the code on her a while back, where she lost ten totems in mere seconds, an attack so strong that the admins went "ok my bad, we went a little far" (Draw her with golden scars !!! The tens of totems that saved her !!!), and the explosion at the Wilbur Party where she lagged just enough that she wasn't tped as fast as the other eggs and saw parts of the explosion. She is now scared of explosions, and always on the lookout (She also shows from time to time that her inventory and hotbar is constantly filled with gold apples and splash regeneration potions.) : During Etoiles' solo fight with the codes, when she saw the first "Dapper is down" message, and that she knew Phil was AFK, she went and pressed the OVO button HERSELF immediatly, and she got there faster than Forever !!

She is a really good writer, her diaries are praised by her parents everytime they read it, and she decided it would what would represent her in BBH's Egg Museum : She built a library where she will put her books for everyone to read. She is also a good and patient builder, with particular attention to interior design : While doing that she has shown a bit of maniacal side : She LOVES symmetry, and is irritated very easily when it doesn't go that route : One time Etoiles was teasing her by putting random blocks in her build and she went "PUT THAT GRASS BLOCK DOWN !!!" and when he continued she just left without saying goodbye.

She doesn't like to lie or steal things, she is honest in that way, BUT she often dodges questions either by saying things like "Don't worry about it :)" or by trying to guilt trip the asker by looking sad or drowning herself. She aslo picked up from Baghera the way she buries herself when mocked or shamed.

She can have a very dry and aware humor coming from Antoine's irony and cynicism and Aypierre's teachings.

Also fun fact, because of timezones, her default state on the server is sleep deprived. She is a sleepy egg.

TL;DR : She is a sweet Badass, and I'll stand by that. I need more fanarts of her with scars, her sword, dark circles under her eyes, and LOOKING LIKE THE GENTLE BADASS SHE IS !

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Cat au

Philza and Techno, the notorious rules of the Antarctic Empire who ruled with an iron fist, are reincarnated as cats and get adopted.

~~~~~~~~

Ranboo has had his eye on a couple of the campus cats for a while.

Well, the only campus cats, they were extremely territorial and no other cats would set foot on campus anymore.

The big one, Techie, was rumored to have fought off a rattlesnake.

Okay, maybe the cat’s names weren’t *actually* Techie and Phil, they were originally named by the social studies teachers with the same names the famous AE dictators, Philza and Technoblade. They had a similar appearance, as much as cats could resemble famous dictators, and a tight bond.

And Ranboo couldn’t exactly go around calling them *that*, now could he?

Someone would think he was one of those neo-Antarctics if he did.

Ranboo had put a lot of effort into getting the cats to trust him, sometimes just spending hours sitting on the sidewalk near the bushes where they liked to sleep.

He’d occasionally bring treats for the cats, a can of chicken or tuna, and it seemed to be working. Slowly though. Very slowly.

Ranboo really hoped they’d trust him enough to be able to take them home before he graduated.

The small light orange shorthair tabby, Phil, would sometimes come over to greet Ranboo now when he sat near the cat’s hideout, and occasionally allowed Ranboo to pet him. Techie usually watched from the bushes, distrusting of Ranboo.

Today though, Ranboo was worried. Tubbo had shown him a video one of the students had posted on ChitChat of Techie fighting a coyote. Techie had run the coyote off, but not before it got a few hits in.

So here Ranboo was, skipping class, with a bag of cat treats in his hand, a blue towel over his shoulder, and a pink cloth carrying case under his other arm.

He arrived at the cat’s favorite spot and called out for them.

Phil came *running* out of the bushes towards him, meowing loudly.

That’s not something Phil had ever done before, and it certainly didn’t reassure Ranboo about the cat’s well being.

“Hey, little guy.” Ranboo crouched down. “Are you okay? Where’s Techie, huh? I heard he got into a fight with a coyote.”

Phil, still meowing loudly, turned in a circle twice and started walking in the direction he’d come from, glancing over his shoulder peek at Ranboo.

“You want me to follow you?”

Phil kept walking.

“Okay” Ranboo stood.

Ranboo followed Phil a short way before Phil disappeared under a bush, and Ranboo knelt down to get a look amid Phil’s frantic meowing.

“Yeah, I see him Phil, I see him.”

The large reddish brown tabby lay under the bush. Ranboo shouldn’t have been able to get so close without Techie reacting, but for now he was still.

“Alright, let me get a better look at him.” Ranboo said, setting down the treats and the carrier and reaching out with the towel to gently grab Techie and drag him out from under the bush.

Ranboo caught his breath.

Techie’s fur was blood matted and the rise and fall of his ribcage was barely detectable. The complete lack of reaction to what Ranboo had done was an indication that the cat was likely unconscious.

“Oh nooooo” Ranboo breathed. “That’s not good. This- this needs professional help.”

Phil was quiet now, worriedly nudging against Techie.

Ranboo tried to think as he wrapped Techie in the towel.

“Okay, the nearest emergency vet is about a twenty minute walk. I can take him there.”

Phil meowed.

“You don’t want to let him out of your sight, do you. Okay, you can come, but you have to be in the carrier.”

Ranboo unzipped the carrier and Phil got inside. Huh. Ranboo thought that would be harder.

Ranboo got the carrier strap over his shoulder and picked up the towel wrapped Techie in his arms.

“Okay, here we go.”

~~~~~~~~~

It turned out that the walk was twenty five minutes with two cats. Techie had been whisked to the back before they even got Ranboo’s information.

Once he was gone Ranboo sorted out the situation with the front desk. The lady asked if Techie had been vaccinated, and when Ranboo said no, she asked if he wanted to go ahead and have that done.

Ranboo agreed, and asked if they could vaccinate Phil too. The vet could do that, and if he was going to be here for a few hours anyway, they could even neuter him. Techie would need time to recover before he was eligible to be neutered though, so he’d need a separate appointment.

Phil didn’t seem too happy about that idea, but Ranboo was determined to be a responsible cat owner, so Phil was soon in the arms of another veteran, on his way to surgery, and Ranboo waited alone.

A few hours later, Phil was returned to him and he got an update on Techie’s condition. He would be okay, but they’re keeping him overnight for observation, and would need a couple weeks of medication. After that he would be healthy enough to be neutered.

Ranboo went ahead and scheduled the appointment.

~~~~~~~

Ranboo takes Phil home (they gave Phil the good meds, he is very high) and takes Techie home the next day.

Techie recovers well, but Techie is very stubborn and refuses to get in the carrier and Ranboo can never get him to the vet.

Not even after Techie warms up to him.

I love everything about this, but especially that Phil lost his balls in the divorce...

[th3-c0ll3ct3r]

Mildly warm take, Tommy does NOT owe his entire career to Dream

Because, YES the dream smp help propel his career as a content creator, but it does not constitute to everything you've done to make himself and his brand better

Did dream write all the jokes? The vlogs? The books? The MCC wins? The friendship formed before and after? The smp's to follow later? Origins? The comedy? Twitch con?

Because if you say That Dream did all of that for Tommy then I'm going to assume Dream Is Crawling into his skin and piloting his body

Saying dream owns Tommy's as well as other people's careers, is like saying that if I were to bake a cake it wouldn't be my cake it would be the person who made the ingredients. I still baked the cake, put the ingredients together, bought them, got the recipe and just because I didn't grow the wheat or milk the cow it doesn't make it not my cake.

The smp did objectively help his career there is no fault in that and even Tommy acknowledges it, but you can't attribute every single thing that he does now to Dream.

And you can also argue that dream was a bad person, because he was. Regardless of allegations and other people's experiences, dream intentionally seeked out a 14 year old streamer, made him sign a legal contract, took every single bit of credit, got into fights with him on a regular basis, a made him feel so bad you will slamming his head against the desk.

That's not normal. None of that's normal.

And then in an alternative perspective dream didn't do us much for the smp as he claims. The only things he did was bring the content creators together, start the server, and play as his own character.

I do not get me wrong there is credit in that and he did do those things that allow the server to operate, but those with the only things he did.

Wilbur (as much as we hate him) wrote the scripts, and alot of Tommy lore. Will stopped writing the Script after he died canonically, and then later came back because in his own words " lI had to write myself back into the narrative [...] I didn't like where it was going. Not to see dream is a bad writer, but we had different ideas". That's him putting it nicely, the worst bit for the smp realistically was when dream was writing the lore.

And I'm not saying that it was bad but what I am saying is that the majority of people found it bad, so bad in fact that they had to bring Will back.

Dream did not write his own story.

And to the other content creators, on the server they will their own lore. And they acted it out themselves, dream was no part of that yet they still had to sign contracts because it was still on the physical server.

Ranboo and Technoblade in particular had some of the best story writing and telling, and they did it all themselves.

But there's only one thing in common, that makes sense but I think we all missed, dream was in every single person story or had planned to be. And I get it it's his server but on the other hand they could have had amazing stories without his input. Ranboo could have replaced Dream with a mysterious unknown character in his lore, and the outcome and affect would have been the same story-wise. Dream didn't need to be Puffy's son, but he was. Technoblade and Philza could have skip to the side plot of saving dream and instead it needed to return a favour to someone else.

The storytelling within the server is a amazing but if you subtract dream and put someone in his place it's still would have been the same story. It's like he was made to be sandwich in everyone's story. And yes he was a great character in most stories, but in others he was unnecessary.

Put with the overall fact that he had to be in every single story obviously ties back to the server being his, but it's also a reflection of his own ego. He probably still to this day believe that every single person has a career because of him and do not because of who they are now. He definitely helped but it's not all him.

And I would say George, Sapnap and Dream, have the same issue with ego. You see the way dream behaves with over people, he dominated people's careers for many years and had it done by fear.

Sapnap, he would swear and curse every single person, to the point where Scott said he was the most difficult person to put on a team because no one wanted to play with him (I have a different post about MCC). There were many offensive and situations in which the pair of them actually ruin the game for a lot of people. If you were not a person who watched MCC back in the day then I can tell you from now they had to change so many rules, Scott had to start making applications because of the amount of times that they would bail or not communicate with him or simply people didn't want to play with him and wanted to avoid him, and due to their obsessive behaviour in needing to the practice the maps so much that when the game was chosen some people didn't even try because they knew who would win.

They're talented don't get me wrong but there is an extent in which that their Talent crosses with ego and makes the whole game unplayable. This is without mentioning the amount of people who were scared to play with this team or against this team. No one had a fun.

And even in the smp, some people purposely avoided Sapnap, because he didn't know how to manage himself.

And George you could argue also has a large ego because of the people he surrounds himself by and he's a success. He is an objectively/ conventionally attractive male, and there have been many instances including in recent times and in certain develop it situations that he used it to his advantage. He doesn't behave his age and he treats people cruelly.

And most importantly, the fans. Yes YOU. You heavily contributed to the success of the server and to the success of the creators. But the level of obsession people would have regarding these content creators is something that will always baffle me.

And alot of people asked them to speak out, especially Dream. And he didn't. Dream actually encouraged his audience by selling sketchy merchandise and a USB stick with his baby pictures on it. He enables his radical audience because they are what keeps him going. Realistically without the radical side of his audience he would not be as successful and financially well off as he is now.

Additionally those people attack literally anyone that set something bad about him, and at first he tried to downplay it, then he assured people he would manage it and tell them to start, but then along the way he must have realized that these people a Ride or Die for him and that if he drives away these people he drives away a lot of money, free advertisement and a defense system against his brand- and I say this because these people would defend him in any circumstance

So then he doesn't stop them, and now you've got a 19-20s yr old with an unfortunate amount of mental health issues, some people who continue to jab him with needles anytime he's upset.

And it's sad. Is far beyond something that his parents can protect him from, yet he hasn't found the resources to protect himself. He's not happy with himself. He used to be scared to stand with someone successful even though he's successful.

And I'm genuinely proud of how much Tommy has grown. He is and continues to be a dedicated, passionate and nice person regardless of circumstances, he continues to be real with his audience and tries not to waste thier time. And none of that was taught to him by Dream. He taught himself how to be himself. If I see one person saying that he's a clout chaser I'm gonna have to tell you that you're wrong because he's done so much for himself to the point where you can't even count it yet you can count the things dream did for him on a Post-it note.

Tommy did well

[nomsfaultau]

got an idea for a fic that I can’t pursue:

Basically, The Blood God is offered his usual blood sacrifice. Screaming, crying, chanting, the whole nine yards. But his cult messed up, because Tommy isn’t actually an orphan. Like on paper he is, but Technoblade can sense it’s not true and is like ‘Bruh stupid worshipers can’t do anything right.’ So he leaves Tommy alone bc he can’t have his followers getting lazy and subpar with their sacrifices obviously. But then also he’s saddled with this mortal kid he doesn’t know what to do with and he feels kinda bad since it’s not Tommy’s fault the cult messed up. So he awkwardly tries to take care of Tommy while still trying to live up to scary blood god expectations and it’s a lot of extra work on his plate. General beauty and the beast type shenanigans of Tommy going from cowering from the big scary god to demanding (and getting) a piggyback ride mid big important ceremony.

Anyway, eventually they figure out why there was a mixup when Philza (normal human man, v angy) fights his way past all the cultist in pure mama bear mode ready to kill the blood god for taking his adopted kid. Only to find Technoblade half way through overacting a bedtime story.

Cue custody battle because ‘hey! That’s MY sacrifice!’ ‘THATS MY SON YOU YELLOW BELLIED FALSE GOD SON OF A-‘

I think some of the cultists end up converting to Phil since he’s somehow way scarier than the nine feet tall blood eyed boar god.

[moltengoldveins]

so we can all agree that the newest 2WEI song (take the crown) is the trailer song for an Antarctic Empires Emerald Duo pg14 movie where Techno is a gladiator who earned his freedom and has vowed to destroy the government that enslaved him and Philza is an old demigod banished to a solitary plane of existence for five decades after attempting to run a coup against the ruling class.

They meet on a battlefield, Techno having joined up as brute muscle and Phil having used some minor illusions to pass as a quirky avian and join the bombardment team. Combining some similar plot beats as Oceans 11 and Atlantis: The Lost Empire, they gather a specialized team of insurrectionists, anarchists, battle mages, and warriors to take down the imperium from the inside, eventually planning on restoring the nation to the democracy it was in Phil’s earliest memories. But will they manage it, or will their bloody pasts and violent present seat Technoblade on the throne as the Antarctic Emperor, with Philza as his right hand, the Angel of Death? (Spoiler, the second option. It’s the most controversial film finale decision of the decade.)

The movie is filmed in a style somewhere between Dune 1, the Prince of Egypt, and Topgun. (denis villeneuve is too busy and too expensive, but it’s clear they’re taking inspiration. Bold colors and lighting and a lot of shots of the sky, wildlife, architecture, or of characters’ hands.) It’s scored by an up and coming indie musician, working under the consultation of Ludwig Gorannson in his spare time as a pet project, though his association with the film doesn’t really come out until it Smashes the expected theatre income in the first two days of release and critics start Raving about it. Techno’s actor is nominated for an Oscar for one of the most compelling intricate portrayals of ptsd and platonic devotion in modern cinema, but doesn’t actually get the Oscar.

Tumblr is flooded with gif sets of Techno in the Obligatory No Armor After Gladiator Fight Scene and the Late Night Vibing With Phil In A Loose Poet Shirt scene (firelit, lots of closeups of his eyes, the film is obviously attempting to express his complex emotional state and his deep relationship with Phil, and is failing miserably at doing Anything but making him hot. The internet is ✨gay✨ about it, because when is the internet not?) Also most of the simps are calling Phil a dilf.

Fit MC is the fan-favorite side character, his four scenes and nine lines of dialogue are clipped and edited and giffed and memed into the dirt. (His armor and prosthetic, the makeup and costuming department say, were the hardest thing to do in the entire film, which is why he isn’t in too many shots.) Though, a close second is Niki, who is played by a woman built like a brick house who doesn’t wear sleeves, so…. Yeah. We all know what the response is there. The effects, including Phil’s wings, are almost entirely practical and the only real places it gets iffy is Steve, the giant war polar bear that’s pretty clearly clipping through a few snowbanks here and there. Nobody can agree on which characters are morally reprehensible.

Within a few years, very few people outside a dedicated fan base have seen it and a few assume it’s made up like Goncharov. It’s also, for some ungodly reason, been labeled a Christmas film. (most of the plot happens in the ice and snow, hence ‘Antarctic Empire.’) I guess nothing says ‘Christmas spirit’ quite like ‘unmitigated violence, platonic yearning, and overthrowing oppressors.’