#'it was coined on the internet' 'it was only coined a few (read: in the case of aromanticism almost 20) years ago' true. so what?

[ilovedthestars]

A thought I’ve been having: While it's important to recognize the long history of many current queer identities (and the even longer history of people who lived outside of the straight, cis, allo “norm”) I think it's also important to remember that a label or identity doesn't have to be old to be, for lack of a better word, real.

This post that i reblogged a little while ago about asexuality and its history in the LGBTQ+ rights movement and before is really good and really important. As i've thought about it more, though, it makes me wonder why we need to prove that our labels have "always existed." In the case of asexuality, that post is pushing back against exclusionists who say that asexuality was “made up on the internet” and is therefore invalid. The post proves that untrue, which is important, because it takes away a tool for exclusionists.

But aromanticism, a label & community with a lot of overlap & solidarity with asexuality, was not a label that existed during Stonewall and the subsequent movement. It was coined a couple decades ago, on internet forums. While the phrasing is dismissive, it would be technically accurate to say that it was “made up on the internet.” To be very clear, I’m not agreeing with the exclusionists here—I’m aromantic myself. What I’m asking is, why does being a relatively recently coined label make it any less real or valid for people to identify with?

I think this emphasis on historical precedent is what leads to some of the attempts to label historical figures with modern terminology. If we can say someone who lived 100 or 1000 years ago was gay, or nonbinary, or asexual, or whatever, then that grants the identity legitimacy. but that's not the terminology they would have used then, and we have no way of knowing how, or if, any historical person's experiences would fit into modern terminology.

There's an element of "the map is not the territory" here, you know? Like this really good post says, labels are social technologies. There's a tendency in the modern Western queer community to act like in the last few decades the "truth" about how genders and orientations work has become more widespread and accepted. But that leaves out all the cultures, both historical and modern, that use a model of gender and sexuality that doesn't map neatly to LGBTQ+ identities but is nonetheless far more nuanced than "there are two genders, man and woman, and everyone is allo and straight." Those systems aren’t any more or less “true” than the system of gay/bi/pan/etc and straight, cis and trans, aro/ace and allo.

I guess what I’m saying is, and please bear with me here, “gay” people have not always existed. “Nonbinary” people have not always existed. “Asexual” people have not always existed. But people who fell in love with and had sex with others of the same gender have always existed. People who would not have identified themselves as either men or women have always existed. People who didn’t prioritize sex (and/or romance) as important parts of their lives have always existed. In the grand scheme of human existence, all our labels are new, and that’s okay. In another hundred or thousand years we’ll have completely different ways of thinking about gender and sexuality, and that’ll be okay too. Our labels can still be meaningful to us and our experiences right now, and that makes them real and important no matter how new they are.

We have a history, and we should not let it be erased. But we don’t need a history for our experiences and ways of describing ourselves to be real, right now.

[lovelessrage]

It is officially Asexual Awareness Week, so it's time to bring up one of my favourite facts that not a lot of people seem to know about.

Did you know the first appearance of aplatonic was from an asexual person? "Aplatonic" was first coined on the AVEN forums by an alloromantic asexual man in 2012. He was using it to describe the experience of only loving his friends that he would later go on to date/develop romantic feelings for. While the term was independantly coined on Tumblr a few years later, and is often associated with aromanticism, our history is linked with asexual history, and our doors have always been open to aplatonics of all kinds.

The original thread is still viewable on the Internet Archive today.

[Image ID: A screenshot of the Internet Archive. At the top is the search bar with an AVEN url entered, with a screen capture for December 2nd, 2023. There are 72 captures total. The captured post below is titled "Aplatonic". Below, it reads: "By Mr. Shuttershy, April 6, 2012 in Asexual Relationships". /End ID]

Happy Asexuality Awareness Week! Remember aces of all kinds while you celebrate, including aplatonic, afamilial, loveless, and other atertiary aces. They are always going to be a part of our community, and it's important to remember, as always, no matter how different we are, we are just as equally connected some way or another.

[theoutcastrogue]

[From a 2014 article by John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats. He's talking about how a random spam email ended up inspiring a part of his book Wolf in White Van. Later, in 2020, the album Getting Into Knives came out, and I think it inspired its artwork too.]

"It took years for me to be able to just reflexively delete spam, or filter it so that I never see it at all. I blame the spammers for this; the quality of their work took a sharp nosedive at some point. But during whatever period of the internet’s growth you’d call the early 2000s, it seemed like you’d still get some winners: things that had been typed up by a person, sent out to a bunch of email addresses they’d bought or rented for 5 or 10 bucks from the only guy who was ever going to make any money in this particular exchange. Most of them went directly, if manually, into the trash; but once in a while, there’d be one that seemed to earn, at the very least, the minute it’d take me to read it.

The one I’m remembering here was subject-lined SUPPLY OF KNIVES. [...] The subject line opened on an all-caps email that boasted, in ornate, antiquated English appealing to the reader’s more refined sensibilities, about the high quality of the knives on offer at an external website. You shouldn’t click on links in spam email. I live my life on the razor’s edge! I clicked the link.

I want to tell you about these knives: They were beautiful. They were weird. They had elaborate designs in the handles, moons or stars of wolf heads, and special grips, and a variety of points. They were made from metals whose pedigrees were described lovingly, and had been struck — smithed? wrought? — via processes I knew absolutely nothing about, but that sounded fantastic, difficult, arcane. It’s the joy of specialized language: When you’re an outsider to it, it can’t help but sound cool.

Of course this is the whole idea of any operation like this. SUPPLY OF KNIVES could well have been, and probably was, a company in Ohio who’d stumbled across an old warehouse full of knives, and knew enough about sales to describe these things in the most exotic terms they could find. I’m pretty immune to pitches: Who likes to feel like he’s being pitched? But somebody involved with SUPPLY OF KNIVES had had just enough authorial flair — that, or true faith — to caption each knife’s mysterious, blurry accompanying JPEG with a description whose constant recourse to specialized vocabularies seemed to say, “You’re not even reading this unless you already know about this sort of thing. Let us therefore speak like the fellow travelers we are.”

It was like a trade catalog for roadside bandits in need of knives.

I can’t speak for everybody, but I know that when I was a child the life of the roadside bandit seemed like a pretty romantic way to go. I looked at all these knives and read the descriptions and was just generally delighted about the whole thing, so I saved the email in a “memorable spam” folder I used to keep that had maybe two other emails in it. A few years later, Apple came out with this robotic-arm-screen iMac you never see any more, and we were long overdue for a new computer so we got that; and then, after a while, I got myself a laptop, because I was traveling all the time, and eventually both the old iMacs ended up in the basement, and they were both asleep but alive until fairly recently, as far as I knew.

But when I went to check for the email, it was gone. The old blue iMac is dead, bricked, lifeless. Searches on the term “supply of knives” on this laptop and on good old robot-arm-screen find nothing. The backup CD for the blue iMac drive is probably in a drawer around here somewhere, but that’s like saying, “The coin I had in my swim trunks’ pocket is probably somewhere in the ocean.” There is no SUPPLY OF KNIVES. There’s only the memory."

[source]

And this is the wonderful cover art of Getting Into Knives. Back cover and promo material below. Note that "Knives International" and "Knives Wordwide" are not real companies, they appear to be a callback to that elusive spam email.

[therandompagesblog]

Her Soul For His Soul: Chapter 5 (🌞Y/N🌞)

Trigger Warnings: Intoxication, demon summouning

The note lay across the book! I had thrown the note in the bin three nights ago and now it returned to haunt me. I was actually getting fed up with all of the paranormal activity. It was like a harmless prank that wouldn't stop. It was boring. The first few nights started with my books being moved! The next was pen ink being drawn on my face and now the note returned. It was as if the spirit or spirits didn't want me near this book that called to me. It needed me as much as I needed it. Well, that is what I am assuming anyway. I've researched too much into this already and actually paid attention to lecturers for once. According to what I learned, kindred spirits are souls that are similar to yours. They are like protectors. Good or evil protectors. Except it was much more deeper than that. A kindred spirit was like a soul mate. A twin flame. Something that didn't live on this earth. They were divine creatures that lived in a different realm. They were there to balance the world. The good ones were anyway. The evil ones there wasn't much on them. Some say they were reapers or devils that played pranks on you. Others say they're eld beasts who consumed your soul. There was limited information about them. Each kindred spirit came with a grimoire. A special book that was written in a dead language that only they could read. It was about their life. It also held their real name. A name that only they knew. The book that I held was written in characters. A form of ancient scripture. I could not even read it or understand it. There was only one line in the book that Pearl pointed out to me. It was in English. It was a summoning line that was all over the internet but a few keywords were missing and the internet could not help.        What unnerved me was the fact Pearl had never seen a grimoire book like this, let alone a kindred spirit one. I worried I had something evil and it was them telling me not to open them. Yet, why did I feel so drawn and safe with the book? Why did I stroke the pages as if it was a soul that was anxious?        Huffing to myself I pulled out a lighter and burned the note. I felt too anxious. I hated feeling sick all the time. I hated hearing my heart beat every single second of the day as if I was waiting to be trapped. "It's me! Knock! Knock!" Lisa called out. "Just coming!" I called out and grabbed my bags.       We were going out to get Halloween costumes today. I was hoping to find a mediaeval outfit and an eye patch to pretend to be Aemond Targaryen. That was the plan. If not I was going to be a witch. I was a witch every year and I was bored of it.

WE HEADED TO THE SHOPS TO GET OUR COSTUMES. Lisa picked out an angel costume and decided I should be the devil since I always get her into trouble. It would have been more authentic if Winter was here and I'd be the witch with two sides of a coin but that wasn't going to happen. "I'm quite happy being a Targaryen you know," I said as I took the horns. "Yeah but then you have to pay for a wig. Draw a scar. Get a blue-coloured contact lens for your eye! There is no time!" Lisa said. She had a point. Halloween was in a few days time and they were going to a housemate's party. "True. True. But why can't you be the devil and I be the angel?" I asked but she shook her head.        Lisa liked the idea of being an angel more. It made her feel innocent and desirable. Whereas I did not care for these kinds of things. I didn't care for Halloween. I didn't like the thrill like Lisa or Winter! Lisa didn't mind being scared as long as it wasn't real nor fictional. She loved harmless pranks and ghost rides. I still hated neither. "How do you think Winter is?" I asked as we picked up some fake blood. "I did phone her and she said she was going to read some books and see her grandfather for answers! Do you really believe it?" Lisa asked me. "Uh. Yeah, you guys didn't say goodbye and I'm left with weird ink up my face from shitty ghost pranks." I stressed. "At least they're playing pranks." Lisa hummed as she walked to self-scan. I followed her and scanned my items, bagging them up. "Seriously though. What did you see that night behind me?" I asked. Lisa thought about it for a minute and then looked at me. "A red-faced demon with bolts in their face. It was disgusting. It was there no more than six seconds." Lisa told me. "The more I think about it the more I realised we only had one glass with two or three shots of alcohol. We were not Ethan drunk! I hope whatever happens it doesn't come for you and that book helps you." "I hope so too!" I said, I really hope so too.       When we got home to our accommodation we practiced putting our makeup on and tried finding good makeup techniques. Which we both failed at. They made it look easier. I think me and Lisa were both massively uncoordinated that we couldn't follow simple instructions. Even the eyeliner wasn't working out. "We're so bad at this." Lisa laughed making me laugh and smudge my mascara. "I give up. I think I look too pretty to be a devil." I stated.      Bang! Bang! Bang "Fuck off!" Lisa swore in fear pushing me towards the door, "You get it." "Hello?" I called out, slowly opening the heavy door to peer into the dark corridor. Nothing was there except the green light of the fire exit. I closed the door and glared, putting both my middle fingers up. I was tired of living in fear. "Ridiculous!" Lisa stated Hehehehe! Hahahah! Stomp Stomp Stomp! I swung the door open and the automatic light of the corridor came on. I crossed my arms glaring. Lisa came over and peered over my shoulder to see when a little boy ran past us! We screamed and shut the door. Our hearts panting in our chests. "Shit the book," I said and ran to open Lisa's door and tried to open it but it wouldn't open! I pulled and pulled but it got stuck! "Y/N!" Lisa cried as she hugged her pillow. "It's alright!" I murmured. Tears streaming down my face. The door eventually swung open. Knocking me back.      I ran towards my bedroom door and tried to push it open when it wouldn't open! Please let me in! "What are you doing?" A flatmate asked. "My door is- never mind," I said as I walked in.       My room was a mess. Paperwork scattered everywhere. Lisa followed me and gasped. I ran towards my bag and unlocked it. I ripped the padlock off and saw the book. I grabbed the book and fled with Lisa into her room. "Summon it now!" Lisa cried out as she went to touch the book, but it burned her. "Not yet. Not yet. We can't. It won't open." I growled. "It doesn't want me yet!"

DAYS WENT ON AND THINGS GOT SPOOKIER! The night before Halloween, I was asleep on Lisa' floor. A cold hand had yanked her foot, causing us to scream. The day of Halloween we woke up to a noise complaint from the university. It made me laugh. I knew the university wouldn't believe me or Lisa. We had to fight this alone. We even asked Mr Whimsical who said he was only a scholar but he said he would look into it and find some answers. He said that we may have let something come through to our side when we were alone. What we did was stupid which we learned now. There was nothing we could do except get ready for Halloween. We had to do something normal and go out with our friends to their Halloween party whether we wanted to or not. I packed my rucksack with alcohol and the book in case. Lisa packed her contraceptive pill and condoms in case. Why? I did not know. I wasn't planning on having sex.      When we arrived the house was decorated with skeletons, pumpkins, grim reapers, pumpkin heads and strobe lighting. I knocked on the door and greeted our friend Chase who let us in. There was music blaring and the base thumped in our ears. I walked to the kitchen and dumped my bag down. I poured myself a drink. I followed Lisa into the living room greeting some friends. We danced around together and with strangers who became friends. We poured drinks. Ate snacks. I took shots until it all went wrong. I saw the little boy again. I shuddered but followed him outside. Out into the garden. I trudged down the steps of the decking towards the garage and went inside. A figure pushed me over. I drunkenly gasped and tried to get back up, when I was forced down again! I saw a face. A disoriented-looking face! It was peeling off! Laughing at me. The little boy behind him. It grabbed me by the throat. Its demonic hands tickled its way to my voice box. All of a sudden it pressed deeper and deeper. I could feel my skin starting to open as it squeezed. I couldn't scream.     I need the book! I need the book! Lisa came rushing in and smacked the monster away with the book. I rushed to grab the book as it started to attack her. It threw Lisa across the garage. "I summon thee in the name of Y/N I summon you to protect me at my command. You will bear witness to anything that haunts me in return I will do anything." I called out, begging as I watched Lisa being strangled by a demon. "I SUMMON THEE IN THE NAME OF Y/N- The monster dropped Lisa and vanished. I quickly scrambled over to Lisa. Her face was pale and her mouth was all bloody. She looked lifeless. "Lisa!?" I whispered as I brushed her hair in between my fingers. She wasn't moving. Then all of a sudden she woke up and screamed. I turned around to see a winged figure. "Bloody hell!?" I gasped. "There's no blood in hell. That's offensive." The creature said as it shrugged its arms. "Who are you? What do you want?" I asked. "You summoned me! What do you want?" The creature asked irritatedly as it looked at its book. Hungry to steal it back. I ran over and snatched it. Shoving it into Lisa's arms who threw it because if burned her. The creature winced in pain and I instantly felt bad. And sick. I wanted to be sick. "What are you? What is your name?" I whispered. All of a sudden it felt like hands pushed me onto the floor causing me to be sick. I vomited all over Chase's motorcycle. "Which name? My given name or my dead name?" The creature asked. It was waiting impatiently. "Your real name?" I asked as I wiped my mouth. "My dead name is Seungmin..."

Taglist for the iconic readers:

@silentreadersthings @ihrtlix @galaxy4489 @catlove83 @reallychaoticwoo @leezanetheofficial @linocz @hyunmikim @eastjonowhere @skzdreamer13 @mavischerry @kiaralynn3838 @jellyleggz @mihoonz @hanniesbubuwife

[mygayshortstories]

Back before the days of the internet, when I was in my mid 20s, this was my first experience at “cottaging” in a public toilet, when I happened across Steve, a gorgeous 18 year-old, just ravenous for sex. But this turned into more than just a 'quick one'.....

Steve the Pipe-Fitter 

I had a day off from work and had gone out to Coventry to photograph the Cathedral, only to be met with a ‘no photography’ sign at the door, so I’d spent the rest of the morning taking candid photos of nice young men out in the sun instead. A bit frustrated, I got back to town about 2 o’clock.

Just under the pedestrian ramp leading out of the railway station were the public toilets.  I had heard about ‘cottaging’ and knew that this lavatory, being busy and anonymous, was such a place, so whether or not my subconscious was drawing me there today I don’t know but when I actually went down there, it was to pay a genuine call, so I duly paid and went into a cubicle.

The partitions between the cubicles didn’t quite reach the ground, so there was a gap underneath of about 6 inches. After a while, my curiosity got the better of me. Although I had never done it before, I knelt down on the floor and looked underneath. To my naïve surprise, a few cubicles away, a face was looking back in my direction. My reaction was instantaneous; I sat up quickly. However, my reaction had been so swift that I hadn’t had time to see who it was or what he looked like. For some reason though, I couldn’t pluck up enough courage to look again. I just sat there.

A short while later, I saw a young pair of shoes, at the end of jean-clad legs, enter the cubicle next door. I say ‘young’ because the shoes were new and smart, with a brass toe-strip, fashionable at the time. Clearly it was someone fairly young; probably no older than me, at any rate. He seemed to sit down but then do nothing else. I was curious and couldn’t resist the temptation, so I wrote on a piece of toilet paper, “How old?” and slipped it under the partition. The note was quickly taken up and was shortly followed by the sound of a match being struck. At first, I thought he was burning the note in disgust but then I realized that he was using the match to write with.

The note came back; “18” it read. I drew a rather deep breath. Now what?

I returned the note; “I’m 26 – can I wank you off?”  I remember thinking at the time that punctuation was probably superfluous under the circumstances and that a fairly basic vocabulary was more apt.

Another match was struck on the other side and the note came back, “Lend me your pen”. I realised that he must have seen my stainless-steel biro when I had slipped the message under the partition and I wasn’t yet ready to risk losing one of my 21st Birthday presents. As I had nothing else to write with, I returned the note saying, “No – you’ll nick it” and indicated that he should continue using a match.

There was now a bit of a delay and I figured I must have blown my chances. At best, he didn’t have any more matches. “And all for the sake of losing a stainless-steel biro!” I thought to myself as I sat there.

However, to my surprise, eventually another note came back giving his approval to my original request, provided that I agreed to “suck him off”.  Needless to say, I immediately indicated agreement and told him, “Unlock when ready”.  I flushed the toilet and opened the door.

As I emerged from the cubicle, I then thought, “What do I do if he doesn’t unlock the door and just leaves me standing there like an idiot trying to get in?” It was pretty busy outside, with people coming and going, people washing their hands or waiting for a cubicle and some even hanging around at the urinals. They may or may not have known what was going on but I knew I had to risk it and be quick about it. As I turned, I saw his lock click to ‘vacant’ and I pretended to put in a coin and entered the cubicle.

On reflection, my hasty action deserved to lead me into serious trouble but my limited experience knew no better. I don’t know who I really expected to find inside but for a start he hadn’t lied about his age. He was a fraction taller than me, lightly built with short dark hair and wearing blue denim jeans and a black leather bomber-jacket over a plain white ‘T’ shirt. But what struck me so overwhelmingly was his incredibly beautiful face. He had blue-grey eyes and soft boyish features, so clean-shaven that he looked almost as if he had never shaved and never needed to. I could hardly believe my eyes how gorgeous he was.

He also must have been reasonably pleased with me because, instead of just offering me his cock to suck, we both feverishly began undressing each other. We didn’t get far though, before we were both embracing, hugging each other tightly. This first embrace said so much without words and it seemed to last for ages; he pressed his whole body to me, burying his face against my neck, hugging me and kissing my neck. He smelt nice too; he was clearly wearing after-shave or cologne of some kind. Whatever it was, it was doing its job perfectly and I was almost overwhelmed. At best, on entering the cubicle, I had expected - I had hoped – for an ‘ordinary’ young man (like me) who wanted quick, impersonal sex but nothing had prepared me for this situation. He wanted – he deserved – far more than just a quick wank, that much was certain. Looking into those glistening blue-grey eyes, set beneath luxuriant dark eyebrows, I just cradled his face in my hands and gently kissed him on the lips.

At this point, I must have realised the danger we were both in; two men in a public toilet, half undressed and one of us under 21. I felt I had to get him out of there to somewhere safer – and a little more romantic. I whispered into his ear,

“You’re so gorgeous; what on earth are you doing here?”

He merely hugged me all the more tightly and then he kissed me for the first time; not a peck or anything half-hearted but a full-blown, sloppy kiss. Oh heavens!  His lips tasted simply delicious! Memories came flooding back of an 18 year-old boy-friend I had a few years back, as I began to melt against him. Again, I whispered to him,

“I can’t bear the thought of you being caught here. Can I take you back to my place? It’s not too far and it’ll be safer there.”

Much to my surprise, he readily agreed, just as we noticed someone spying on us from under the partition with the next cubicle. It was that face again – the one I had seen looking back at me under the partitions - only this time, he was right next door and had already noticed two pairs of feet where there should be only one.

My newly discovered treasure left the cubicle first, flushing the toilet for effect, and I followed after a moment or two. When I emerged at the top of the steps, I thought that I had lost him and that he had run off, but then I caught a glimpse of him disappearing into a telephone kiosk. I still wasn’t sure whether he was trying to avoid me but I briskly walked up to the kiosk and when he saw me, he came out. As we walked away together, he seemed more on edge than I had expected and he was nervously looking around at the people about us.

As we walked on, I managed to ascertain that his name was Steve and that he was, of all things, a pipe-fitter. To this day, I don't know if he was having me on and it was some kind of jok on his part but without warning, he suddenly hustled me in front of a queue and onto a bus. Rather taken by surprise, I fumbled for the fare he had paid and followed him upstairs to where he was sitting, looking intently out of the window. He then told me that we had been followed from the toilet and he pointed to a middle-aged, rather scruffy looking man in the crowd who I remember seeing earlier, loitering in the public toilet. It was ‘The Face’ from under the partitions again!

We stayed on the bus as it went around the City Centre; meanwhile, he sat there, pressing his leg firmly against mine. Even through my jeans, I could feel the warmth of his leg and this tenuous connection of our bodies passed an electric sexuality between us that was getting me highly aroused! The blood was pumping through my cock, tightly crushed inside my briefs, and there was an uncomfortable dampness developing in my groin as pre-cum oozed into my underwear as we sat there, our jean-clad thighs pressed warmly together.

By the time we reached the Town Hall, he seemed to be less nervous. We had lost our follower, so we changed buses and headed to my place. On the way, I tried to make ‘small talk’ and he responded chattily. He had a gorgeous Liverpool accent but said he lived locally. I learned that he had left his parents in Liverpool to find work and that he shared a flat not far from where I now lived, so he didn’t feel that he was heading into totally strange parts. The short walk from the bus seemed to take ages; my heart was beating fast and it was thumping into my throat. I was nervous that we might meet someone I knew; what would I say? But as it happened, we didn’t pass anyone.

He seemed impressed when I showed him into my flat and immediately asked how much it cost. Typical of a Liverpool ‘Lad’, I thought; winningly engaging but always straight to the point. I took his leather bomber-jacket, gave him a Coke and sat down on the couch, patting the seat next to me, indicating for him to sit beside me, which he did. As I put my arm around him, he responded straight away by doing the same and by snuggling up to me affectionately. I stroked his face and again told him how beautiful he was.

“Thank you,” he said with a coy grin. He seemed genuinely flattered.

As I moved to kiss him, he turned toward me and our lips met for the second time in a kiss of such tenderness, quite unlike anything you could imagine from an 18 year-old. His lips were full and his mouth tasted slightly of mint, as our passions roused and our tongues entwined. I began to realise that he may have been 18 but he was no novice. He certainly knew how to kiss, that’s for sure!

Eagerly, he following me into the bedroom, where I drew the curtains and closed the door. In the semi-darkness, we embraced again but this time, unlike in the toilet cubicle, we were safe and secure from prying eyes. Our whole bodies now pressing together, we kissed and hugged. He began to unbutton my shirt as I removed his t-shirt, revealing soft tanned arms and a strong chest delicately peppered with tiny hairs. Again we hugged, but this time our skins touched for the first time and passed bodily warmth between us. Feverishly, I unzipped his flies and unbuckled his belt but by now, we were both so desperate to get into bed that we both just dropped our jeans and almost leapt into bed, still wearing our underpants.

Under the covers, we fell against each other, skin against skin, and I felt the warm hardness of his organ against mine through our underwear.  Soon, however, the underwear was gone and we were fully naked, entwined, hugging and kissing in a heat of frantic passion. I could feel his organ, large and full, between our stomachs as I lay on top of him and he began thrusting upwards to me.

Looking back from today’s world of the internet and ‘porn on tap’, it’s difficult to explain but all this excitement simply proved too much for me and his eagerness tipped me over the edge; all my pent-up sexual frustrations rose within me and I came uncontrollably against his stomach and erect cock, hugging and pressing myself to him. As I clung to him, my orgasm enveloped my whole body, as my semen gushed uncontrollably in pulses between us.

I was mortified. While I did not count myself as promiscuous, I had ‘been around the block a few times’, so this sort of thing was not supposed to happen to me and I was embarrassed. I thought I had blown my chances and it was all over. Light-heartedly, I apologized and quickly mopped up the mess, as I didn’t want to disappoint him. But there was no fear of that; he rolled me onto my back and knelt astride me, holding his throbbing penis in my face, foreskin already drawn back in anticipation. Evidently, he hadn’t forgotten our bargain back in the public toilet!

I too had no intention of breaking our ‘contract’, so I eagerly took his throbbing tool in my mouth and began sucking and playing with it. He loved it. We rolled about in a number of positions, with me sucking him and tickling and licking his testicles; and him thoroughly reveling in it. But I had to keep resting my jaw; it was beginning to ache and juices were everywhere; he was a big lad for one so slightly built.

 “I’m a good stayer,” he joked, and he certainly was. I wasn’t about to give up either; he was 18, beautiful - and all mine. 

But eventually, I felt the tell-tale signs; now on his back again with me crouched between his baby-soft thighs, his organ in my mouth and gripped in my hand, his breathing suddenly changed and he began gasping and shuddering. Don’t you simply love that moment when a young man loses all self-control just before he cums? With a deep, hard gasp, he exploded into my mouth 3 or 4 times, great gushes of salty cum coursing through his organ and filling my mouth.

Some guys (girls too, I suppose) don’t like the taste of a guy’s cum, so they either spit it out or let it dribble back out of their mouth. For me though, the whole experience is a very personal one and while I don’t much like the taste, I feel that swallowing it increases that connection; it creates an even deeper bond between the ‘giver’ and the ‘receiver’. Besides which, having a man’s cum permanently inside me is very satisfying; at least it is for me, at any rate!  Consequently, as his throbbing cock subsided, I swallowed all of his slimy, slithery juices. His body then relaxing and exhausted, he breathed heavily.

“Jeez, I needed that!” he said, as we collapsed into each other’s arms, once again hugging and kissing.

At this point, I thought he would want to leave, his passion satisfied; but he hadn’t had enough, it seemed. We continued laying together, caressing and stroking, hugging and kissing, rolling about in loving passion the likes of which I had not felt in a long while. Occasionally, we would rest and just lay still in each other’s arms, softly talking, only to return to the hugging and kissing with renewed vitality. I complimented him on how passionate a lover he was. He liked that.

I said, “You’re not shy either, are you”, and he looked at me, slightly surprised, and replied, “No”, as if it had never occurred to him.

As we still lay entwined, without any warning he then said,

“Well, can I stick it up you then?”

Although the abruptness of his request came as something of a surprise, it was by no means out of character. He was direct and to the point. But I saw this as an opportunity, so in an attempt to persuade him to meet me again, I said I thought maybe we should keep that for another time. He didn’t seem to mind, except that now we began exploring each other’s bottoms.

As I played my finger around his anus, I realised that this was one of his weak spots, as it was mine in fact. He began groaning and he clasped my hand, pressing my finger into him. With the aid of a little lube, I began to finger-fuck him, massaging his prostate while he writhed about, groaning in ecstasy. For a few moments, I had his entire body sensations under my control (again) and I sensed he was going to let go again. I felt tremendous. But he had other ideas still in his mind because he gently pushed me away, grabbing the lube and following my example. Now he was the one who had me under his control and my mind soon changed regarding his request to screw me! He rolled me over and took charge.

I asked him to take it gently – he was only young and I wasn’t sure how desperate he might be. But I need have had no fears. As I lay on my front over a pillow, face to one side and one knee raised, he lubricated his now throbbing organ and my aching anus. He entered me just a little at a time, pausing when I asked, allowing me to relax. He wasn’t particularly well-endowed, as if that mattered, but he was fairly narrow too, so I was able to accommodate him with very little discomfort. However, his cock was quite long and it was terrific to feel his slender organ sliding smoothly in and out, upwards and inwards, rhythmically inside me, as he lay against my back with his arms firmly clasped around me. It was sheer bliss.

Eventually, he began thrusting in earnest, almost withdrawing in between his full, hard thrusts into me. In fact, he slipped out twice and got a bit flustered at nearly losing it – he was obviously getting near to his climax. I calmed him as he entered again easily, softly encouraging him to continue, and he began thrusting again, now desperately. As I felt his rhythm change, he thrust once or twice really hard into me as far as he could go and, reaching his climax, he grasped both my hands on the pillow and buried his face against my neck. I could feel him holding his breath, as he held absolutely still for a second or two; and then I felt his organ pulsing high inside me – 2, 3, 4, 5 times he came into me, my insides warmed by the love fluid flowing into me. Then he let out a gasp and I felt him relax his frantic grip of me, as he just lay there on top of me, his tool still slowly throbbing the last of his orgasm inside me.

Exhausted, his tool slipped out of me as he still lay against my back, sighing and breathing heavily. I sighed too – frankly, I had never had it so good!  As we rolled over into each other’s arms once again, I told him so and he was justly flattered. We must have rolled about kissing and embracing for quite some time until he finally asked if I had cum when he screwed me. I told him I hadn’t, although I had been pretty close, and to my utter amazement, he said,

“Right, well it’s your turn then – I’ll do you a blow job” and with the words, “Let me at it!” he climbed over in-between my legs and began passionately sucking my still hard penis and tickling my testicles with his fingers.

Frankly, I was speechless; this 18 year-old fantasy had just had two quite tremendous orgasms in the space and he was still as excited and, what’s more, he was interested in me. I wasn’t expecting any more than I had already experienced but I was ready for anything he was prepared to offer and I was enjoying every precious moment.

He didn’t move up and down on me much; instead, he teased me with his mouth and tongue, second by second, so slowly that as I felt myself drawing towards a climax, it was so gently and slowly done that the tension was almost agonizing in its pleasure. I began shaking what seemed like ages before I came but then I could feel the fluid rising in me, flowing on its inexorable path to the outside world. I clutched at his head, gasping for breath, and came like a small fountain into his mouth, pumping away while he eagerly swallowed every drop I gave him until I was truly spent.

I was still gasping for breath when he collapsed against me again, where he lay for another ten minutes or so until it was time for him to return to his own flat. We had been in bed together for nearly three hours and finally he was leaving. We dressed and tidied up and I asked if I could see him again. To this day, his reply still baffles me.

“What do you think?” he said.

I’ve often wondered at the double meaning in his response but at the time, I took it at face value, gave him my phone number and attempted to express sincere feeling to him as I showed him out to the road and directed him to his bus home.

A beautiful cheery face smiled back at me as I waved to him disappearing down the road. As I returned to my flat and closed the door, I was alone again and felt suddenly empty and yet at the same time rejuvenated. For me, nothing short of a fantasy had come true and it felt all the better for knowing that he had had a bloody good time too! Our afternoon had been filled with such intense passion that I thought, “Surely this was more than just another ‘one night stand’ encounter?”  But he never contacted me and I never saw him again. All I have is the memory; the image etched in my mind of that beautiful young man’s face, the warmth of his soft skin against mine and that incredible Thursday afternoon.

If you liked that story, please let me know - even post a comment under “ask me a question”. Or perhaps you’d just like to read another story?

Here’s an index of my other sordid tales, many of them taken from true-life sexual adventures of my own: Erotic Gay Stories Index

[wolfmage553]

Firstly, Thank you @mentallyunawareofpapaya for the Tumblr post that inspired this post.

Secondly, if Axol does get revived, I think it'll go down this way.

Axol doesn't want to make everyone go into shock so he decides to sneak about the new castle and mentally decide who he wants to reunite with first.

Bob is actually the first person that finds out Axol is back thanks to Axol helping him get to bed while Bob was drunk. The thing is: Bob has been drunk so many times that his memory isn't affected by being drunk anymore so he remembers Axol helping him to bed.

Axol is scared that his plan is wrecked but nobody believes Bob when he excitedly tells them that Axol is alive again because, as SMG4 put it, "If Axol was back, Melony would be the first to know. She is his girlfriend after all."

Mario is actually the second to find out Axol is back, thanks to an incident that involved a spaghetti strainer and roller-skates.

Meggy and Melony are the only ones who believes Mario when he excitedly tells the group that Axol is back.

Axol decides, with a coin flip, to officially reunite with Meggy first. He sends an anonymous letter in the Inkling language to Meggy challenging her to a one on one terf war. Once Meggy gete there, Axol appears wearing a Annaki Polpo-Pic Tank instead of his normal blue shirt and wielding a Inkbrush. After a pretty intense one on one terf war, the two best friends fall to the ground exhausted but laughing.

Meggy helps Axol plan his reunion with Melony. Meggy gives Melony a picture showing a patch of land by a lake that reads on the back "Come here for a surprise.". Melony reaches the place, wielding her sword just in case it was a trap, only to see Axol sitting on a picnic blanket with a picnic basket beside him. Melony drops her sword and knocks over the picnic basket glomping Axol in a loving embrace.

After a lot of happy tears and kisses, the two have a wonderful picnic date by the lake.

Boopkins is kind of salty that he was among the last to find out his senpai is back but he understands why Axol went the sneaky route and that Mario and Bob finding out before he did was a total accident on Axol's part.

Since most of his friends and his girlfriend know he's back, he stops sneaking around. He joins the group activities and waits for the inevitable shoe to drop of SMG4 finding out he's back.

The thing is: Everyone forgets how oblivious SMG4 can be. He's so focused on making videos that he doesn't even register that Axol is supposed to be dead. Plus, continuity has been messed with so many times that when it finally registers that this Axol is real and not a sleep/guilt induced hallucination, he chalks it up to Axol's death being retconned.

The entire SMG4 crew finds SMG4's obviousness bloody hilarious while Axol starts losing respect for SMG4 the more time passes with SMG4 not registering that Axol got revived.

It becomes a game of "how long until SMG4 remembers that Axol's death is still canon?" to the SMG4 crew with each one of them trying to jog SMG4's memory.

Finally, after a entire month or two, halfway through a group dinner SMG4's eyes go wide as he shouts "Holy sh*t! Axol died and came back!"

Cue the most uproarious laughter from a few of the SMG4 crew while everyone else simultaneously asks "What took you so long?"

Later that day, while babysitting Karen's children, Karen reveals that she saw Axol and Melony sneak into the castle after their picnic date.

Cue Karen almost dropping her cup of coffee in shock when SMG4 reveals that Axol died (canonically) two years ago.

By the way, SMG3 knew from the start of Axol's return due to their shared connection to The Internet Graveyard.

[existslikepristin]

Unexpectedly busy week, that was. Except today. Today I got home and ate ice cream

Only two options in the poll this time! Is there a secret reason?! Yes, it's because I didn't have any more ideas The poll is only going to be available for 24 hours, because I should be able to get the next part up tomorrow!

Tags: NSFW, S.M.U.T., genie, microtransactions???

(Story Index)

Anime Girls

"I wish for a harem of anime girls!" you blurt out before you can think.

Joy appears mildly shocked for a moment, but then she gives you a wry smirk. "Look at you, making a wish like that. You perverted weeb."

You frown and put up a finger of protest, but Joy quickly continues, "I know. I know. You're not the first of your kind I've come across, master. Being a weeb is an honored profession nowadays, and you're all special because of your unique waifu and/or husbando selection(s). I know the drill."

The air around you seems to contract and expand simultaneously, and everything in your line of sight briefly tints green. Except, that is, for Joy herself. Even as space bends in front of your very eyes, causing no small amount of queasiness to knot about in the pit of your stomach, Joy remains on the table, sitting up with the same smooth grace she has continuously displayed up to this point and only looking as green as usual, which isn’t all that green, really.

And then it's over. The air feels normal again, and your standard color vision has returned.

"Was that the wish?" you ask.

"Sure was!"

You look around. Nothing has changed. You see no anime girls. Not even your waifu (though, considering Joy told you she can't read your mind, you're not sure how she would have known to pick her). "So, where's the harem?"

"I figured you wouldn't be able to list each and every anime girl you've ever wanted to fuck."

Joy pauses. After a few seconds you say, "That's not a useful explanation."

"Oh. Right. Check your phone."

"My phone?" you inquire, as you reach down to take your phone from the pocket of your discarded shorts.

"Yup! I've noticed that most weebs are very heavily invested in their own tropes, which I appreciate, as you can imagine. And one of the more common tropes in harem anime I've seen is that the protagonist controls some aspect of the world around them with a supernaturally-powered smartphone."

You tap your phone out of sleep mode. "So, I have a phone… harem?"

"No, master. You have a magic app that summons anime girls into your presence, all of which are suspiciously and sexually attracted and devoted to you, of course. This will make your harem as weebly wobbly as you can possibly get!"

You exit your phone's internet browser, where, obviously, you had been reading existslikePristin fanfics, and go to your home screen. A new app does a little inflation animation to let you know of its location. The icon is a silhouette of a lithe woman on a green, circular background, and is not labeled. You tap to open it. There is no waiting on load time. You're immediately taken to a very cluttered generic fantasy town isometric view, with bubbles of text all over the place. You think the text might be Sumerian.

"It's a mobile gacha game!" Joy looks and sounds far too proud of herself. "And with my special djinnfluencer promo code, you get one thousand free shards! And that's not all! You get ten free spins, five billion gold coins, and double daily rewards for the first week!”

Options:

Okay, that was exceptionally dumb. Ask if there’s a way to undo a wish.

Whatever. A harem’s a harem. Figure out this app and summon an anime girl.

[ao3wasntenough]

Chatter here. Sam gives off cat vibes, I swear he be as unhinged as possible just to cause a problem to prove he still him. Perhaps he even snoozes in odd positions around the base making bots have to tred carefully.

He DOES! And a lot of the “weird” things the bots claim he does is just minor human things he doesn’t even control.

Like he’ll calmly be sitting reading on some bots shoulder before he violently twitches out of nowhere and spooks them bot

Bots who are more paranoid then others often get thrown off or start thinking superstitious things about Sam because he’ll be walking past a doorway/a crate/a bot/ some humans, stop dead (often causing whatever bot to trip over him) and just ominously stare, only his audials (though some report his visior blinking or looking like it’s experiencing interference) slightly moving before he bolts off. Did he see something dangerous? Did he receive an emergency ping?

He’ll “stutter” and repeat words or even just have blouts of his speech just cutting out and when prompted to seek medical attention he gets super defensive (the human urge to strangle your friend when they point out you stuttered)

He’s also always trying out his new capacity for agility and flexibility and often asks taller bots to lift him up by the servos for a “big stretch” as coined by internet studies. Where its alarmingly discovered Sam’s internal structure has a lot of bend and flex to it and he self mimics the sound of human bone air pockets poping (he doesn’t know he makes the noise but red alert has certainly never heard a bot make those noises)

Bumblebee often has to race around the base to find the tallest mech because he and a few others dared Sam to climb somewhere and now curfew is coming up and they can’t tell if he’s ignoring them or fell asleep where they cant get to him

(He gets dared to do a lot of dumb shit)

Autobots who recharge outside are prone to finding they’ve been joined by Sam sleeping on their hoods or in their trays or roof. Joining them in the sun. And bots were informed of the human rule “if a creature falls asleep on you, you cannot move” especially one as fickled and touch resistant as Sam. There’s an on going tally chart keeping score on who Sam’s fallen asleep on. Optimus has a strong lead with him often finding his trailer a good off the ground place.

Ultra Magnus felt so pressured to leave Sam asleep on his hauler he took him with him across to another base

[tamas-and-the-clowns-sol-left]

Hello, you've made it. You reached the Rubyverse.

What is the Rubyverse, you may ask??

the Rubyverse is an alternate universe for Aiden Thomas' The Sunbearer Duology that I, Tamas, have been creating since August 6th, 2024.

This is going to be more detailed after my small info bit, boundaries, and trigger warnings.

What is the point of this project??

This is my place to add as I wish and have content to my desires. From character pages, headcannons (that are subsequently cannon for this universe), or being my indecisive self, I am using this to express my creative freedom in hopes of finding some audience who cares enough about it

What are the boundaries??

My boundaries aren't designed to be difficult, but if you find them in such way than we are not for eachother's interaction.

I will not tolerate anything NSFW about myself, my characters, my ideas, or my posts in all. I am an asexual guy and my comfortability isn't with that stuff about me or my creations. Every creation of mine has some of me in them.

Feel free to ask questions, but think before you speak. I'll respond as much as I can and when I can, but I am a human, I'm going to be treated as such. Creating and sharing my creations doesn't lessen or add to my humanity and that's something I see many people struggle with.

No discrimination against me or my characters. this includes use of: Slurs, homophobic/transphobic comments, racism, ableism. If you are grown up enough to be on the Internet you should be grown up enough to not discriminate and keep your inside thoughts inside.

Use tone tags for sarcasm and jokes at minimum. I struggle with tone often and take everything at face value especially the less there is for me to analyze. I speak at face value, I don't use jokes or sarcasm without clarification that it is such so others can know. /j means joke and /sar means sarcasm.

What can you expect from this series??

You can expect characters that are more than just beauty standards and stereotypes. I may fall into some tropes or pairing types(such as loser boyfriend x absolutely stunning girlfriend) but my characters all have some sort of difference. They're not all perfect beings.

You can expect many, many spoilers for both The Sunbearer Trials and Celestial Monsters, aka the whole Sunbearer Duology.

You can expect changes to the trials and to the world building. Fear not, I haven't wrecked too much chaos upon this world's setup.

You can expect even more queer and trans characters, as well as some more disabled characters!! Not only do they have a soft spot in my heart, and I find representation largely important, I myself am a disabled queer trans person and love having characters like me.

Be prepared for some art style inconsistency and some writing that will *hopefully* get better over time. I'm not the most beginner of all beginners but I'm definitely not what I'd call a very seasoned artist and writer. (I also use a few different mediums for art, I stick to pencil to paper, watercolor, and digital art more often than not but I still like trying new things and having fun.)

Be prepared to read tags as this gets posted onto Ao3(And ONLY will I post on Ao3) and be prepared to read the trigger/content warnings for any thing I post here, especially writing.

Many things are based off of my own experience!! They may not be your experience, they may never be your experience, quite a few I truly hope aren't amongst anything anyone must experience. However on the flip side of the token coin I have put forth research to make anything and everything that is not written with my own experience is going to be as authentic as I can make it.

What are some trigger and content warnings I can give right off the bat??

For the sake of separation, each one is a bullet list instead of a paragraph, and I added everything planned that is something I think could risk triggering anyone.

Spoilers for all of The Sunbearer Duology!!

Major character death

"Human"(semidiós) sacrifice

Injuries

A character with hypermobility that experiences real struggles (aka not dumbed down to "oh I'm super flexible!!")

depersonalization/dissociation

self put pressure

Symbolization of needing accommodations for a disability and how society will reject or even mock thoes needs and overall will refuse to accommodate without harassment

Forced Assimilation (forcing a culture to rid their culture in order to fit into the other culture)

bullying/discrimination

abuse(parental)(physical and possible mental/emotional)

war and past war of high significance

manipulation/deception

this gets religious seeming as all main characters are dióses and semidióses (gods and demigods) however it is not a place to spread religious beliefs, no matter how good or ill intentioned

unsafe binding

Past self harm/self harm scars/non graphic current self harm

Struggles with eating (Arfid sensory type in specific)

I MUST EMPHASIZE. IF ANY OF THESE MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR YOU, KNOW YOURSELF. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED BY ME NOW, YOU WILL BE WARNED EVERY TIME ANY TRIGGER WARNING IS APPLICABLE. If you choose to skip triggering chapters or sections that's up to you, if you're looking at this and going "oh this may be not for me" feel free to keep scrolling because your health is more important than one more reader will ever be to me.

Welcome to the Rubyverse

In the world there are three godly races, The Golds, the Jades, and the Obsidians.

The Obsidians and their monsters are trapped in the stars, Jade and Golds now are the only Dióses in Rino De Sol. Right??

What if I told you there's one more set of Dióses??

Ruby red blood, the "weakest" of Sol and Tierra's godly children.

Follow eight dióses and their semidios children through their rediscovery, their "grand reveal" to all of humankind.

[cursed-man-prayers]

Ever since Kit Connor was forced to out himself due to accusations of queer-baiting, hetlors love to bring it up as a take-down against gaylors. They'll come into TikTok comments and Tumblr asks and be like, "what about that kid from Heartbreakers?" (they do not seem to care enough about Kit to learn his name or the show he is known for). They've hear, from a distance, that an 18-year-old was outed because of Twitter discourse and assume that this is the same thing that gaylors are doing to Taylor Swift.

But it's not. It's not the same thing. At all.

If the people bringing up Kit Connor took the time to understand the context of what happened and why, it would be glaringly obvious that these things are not at all the same. They're virtually opposites.

Kit was accused of queer-baiting, and while definitions of words change (I know about linguistics), queer-baiting was coined as a word to describe pieces of media whose creators purposefully hint at queer relationships in order to retain their queer fanbases (think Supernatrual/Destiel, Teen Wolf/Sterek, etc.). People (mainly youths on Twitter) accused Kit of queer-baiting because he played a bisexual character in a TV show and was then seen with a female friend. These absurd claims were the result of fundamentally misunderstanding queer experiences and identities outside of the internet. Most of these accusers were likely too young to have witnessed clear examples of queer-baiting or understand why it's harmful and why queer people call it out. Kit wasn't queer-baiting. He was an actor who hadn't labeled his sexuality (something he discussed in interviews). He was 18, in his first major role, getting a slew of unanticipated media attention, and his privacy was violated. He was forced to out himself because people refused to listen to him, refused to consider that choosing to not label their sexuality (especially a young person!) is a thing that queer people do sometimes (frequently).

So how does this relate to Taylor Swift? (Spoiler alert: it doesn't.)

Taylor Swift has been releasing music since she was 16. She is currently 33 years old, more than twice the age she was when she started. She has been massively famous for the majority of her career. Taylor is rich. Taylor is powerful. Yes, she's a human being, but we (the general public) typically only see what Taylor chooses to show us (there are few exceptions to this, though they definitely do exist). Taylor encourages analysis of her music, public appearances, and promotional material. She has a highly skilled PR team (shoutout Tree Paine).

Kit Connor was outed because people cling to the belief that straight is the default. If someone doesn't explicitly come out in a way that is fully comprehensible to non-queer people, they are assumed straight. This is a belief rooted in homophobia. "Speculating on someone's sexuality" isn't gross. It's been a necessary part of queer life since the inception of homophobia.

Queer flagging isn't new. There are documented codes and symbols and phrases that have been used for decades to identify yourself as queer without making it obvious to straight people and homophobes. Friends of Dorothy, hairpin dropping, a variety of flowers (violets, carnations, lavender).

Queer artists have been encoding their queerness into their work. Emily Dickinson likely coined the term bearding by using bearded pronouns—using masculine pronouns for herself or her female lover in poetry. She wrote "from the male perspective." Reading her poems about Sue Gilbert Dickinson, it's glaringly obviously gay—romantic, sexual, queer. And yet, to this day, her queerness is erased from the narrative. It even happens to Sappho. And all these years later, the presumption of heterosexuality dominates analysis of art and music.

The "hetero until proven homo" philosophy has lead to queer erasure for centuries. Taylor Swift has consistently used known queer codes since the 1989 album (see: New Romantic, Wonderland, the I Know Places tour performance, How You Get The Girl). When these songs, etc. have been pointed out as being literally queer-coded, Taylor hasn't backed down. She's stepped it up. She wrote "you could hear a hairpin drop" in Right Where You Left Me, queer people pointed out that "hairpin drop" has implications involving important queer history, and then she did it again in the Great War ("your finger on my hairpin trigger"). She intentionally subverted a common phrase, and it wasn't accidental. Queer people claimed Dress as a sapphic song, and Taylor used excessive bisexual lighting in her performance and then dedicated that performance to Loie Fuller, a queer artist. She wore a blue, purple, and pink wig in the You Need To Calm Down music video, on a production set drowning in LGBTQ folks perfectly qualified to tell her those were the colors of the bi pride flag.

There are countless examples of Taylor Swift using historical queer symbols and pride flag colors. These are symbols she actively chooses to use. She isn't stupid.

You know what Taylor Swift hasn't done? She has never said she is straight. At most, she has implied it. She hasn't said people saying she's gay makes her uncomfortable. She hasn't stopped using queer symbols or themes.

Before I really became a gaylor, I spent a lot of time wondering if it was weird or invasive or gross. But is it weird to read her lyrics? Is it invasive to look at publicly available photos of her? Is it gross to think that Taylor Swift isn't straight?

No. Obviously.

We're not trying to "force her out of the closet." We barely think she's in a closet. She is so loud to the people who are listening, who understand what she's saying, to other sapphics.

I'll end with this: When Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss were photographed at the 1975 concert, I refused to believe they were kissing. The only reason I didn't believe it is because I was a homophobic 15-year-old. I clung to her being straight because of my internalized homophobia, because I needed the one non-Christian artist I listened to to be morally pure. And that's what this is about. Homophobia, internalized or otherwise.

tl;dr: Taylor Swift is speaking loudly about her queerness to the people that are listening. She has made queer references and doubled-down on them when people pointed them out or claimed it must've been accidental. Assuming people are straight until explicitly stated otherwise is rooted in homophobia. She is a fully grown adult who controls the narrative of how people see her. What if I told you none of it was accidental?

[transmutationisms]

would luv to hear more abt body fascism on the internet

on the entire internet?!! truly this is endemic to like, all social spaces i have ever been in including online lol. brian pronger popularised (maybe coined entirely?) this term in his book 'body fascism' to refer to the valorisation of the muscular and physically fit body in the west in the second half of the 20th century, and what he argued was an increasing tendency to seek moral salvation in the technological management of the body. i actually dislike a few major things about this book: i think his argument is insufficiently historicised and misleadingly periodised; specifically, he's wrong about what 'postmodern' means and signifies, and he's wrong to overlook the many and varied historical examples of cultural valorisation of fit / muscular bodies; he's largely unwilling to connect his commentary on the 'fit' body to ideals of the thin body; his proffered answer to a perceived over-reliance on bodily technologies is a kind of hand-wavey theory about 'the body's energy'; this entire topic begs to be analysed with more attention to race, class, and disability. but like, i don't disagree with everything he says about fitness and the technological management of the body lol.

anyway you definitely see these attitudes all over the internet lmao. for me the only real 'fitness' spaces i go on anymore are a few running groups so that's where i most often see this but it's really fucking everywhere. it's in the assumption that a fit body (fit to do what?) is better, that it signifies self-control, that it will ensure health and longevity, etc. again i would extend these arguments to point out this is part of a larger valorisation of thinness, and part of what's happening there historically is the european colonial construction of an imagined dichotomy between thin, controlled, 'managed' white bodies vs fat, unruly, disruptive black ones (pulling here from sabrina strings's 'fearing the black body'). you'll notice too that images of praised, fit, thin bodies are overwhelmingly white, whether we're talking outright anorexia forums or, like, fitness influencers who present themselves as promoting health and 'wellness'. that whiteness and thinness and fitness have such visual and rhetorical overlap is not a coincidence.

uh i could scrape my zotero and throw together more reading recs if anybody cares but off the top of my head i would also recommend mark greif's essay 'against exercise', helen zoe veit's book 'modern food, moral food', and probably like, foucault's 11th lecture in 'society must be defended' (1975–6 i believe).

[moonineighthhouse]

🌙🖤 Moon in the 8th House: A Dance of Shadows and Light 🖤🌙

artwork by Bailey Black

🌙🖤 Reflections on 8th House Connections 🖤🌙

For some reason I attract these type of relationships like crazy. I've got it with my dad, my younger brother, my best friend, my exes. my boss, and my current boyfriend and probably more people that I don't know about. I have my moon in my 9th house-the house of personal growth, travel and adventure. so I always end up being the moon in someone else's 8th house. I've read a lot of stuff on the internet where people romanticize it. People need to stop doing that. It's can be intense, passionate, and depending on how emotionally healthy you and the other person is at the time of the relationship-it can trigger insecurities in both individuals-partly due to the intense bonding/passion-thus causing a control issue in the relationship. Yes, the psychic thing is very real with all 8th house relationship. It can be healing, painful or both.

Here is a simple oveview of what I've learned about the various positions in the 8th house.

Artwork by Bailey Black

Moon Conjunct Moon: You'll be each other's mirror. (I got this with my current boyfriend. My moon is in his 8th house along with our moon being only 2 degrees apaprt!) Whatever insecure issues you got-the other person will have the same ones also. I see this in siblings a lot. If you're in a moon/moon 8th house relationship like me-you must (not an option) do a lot of emotional work-you and the other person need to be highly evolved or know how to regulate your emotions. It's not for immature and or emotionally unhealthy people. It can end up being one of the most defining relationships of your life or it will become the biggest regret of your life.

Sun Conjunct Moon: This is the classic “we’re two sides of the same coin.” Expect a deep emotional bond that feels like you’re sharing a secret language. It'll feel like you've known each other since you were kids even though you just met them a few minutes ago. You get each other on a soul level but don’t lose yourselves in the process. This feeling can get addictive. Again, make sure you spend time away from each other-it's so easy to lose yourself in this type of relationship and when it ends...you just want to tear your heart out... (I just want to add that sometimes the other person for whatever reason isn't ready for an intense relationship like this and so they may not return your affection or worse they run away from you. Either way it's painful-just from personal experience. You just have to remind yourself-its them and not you!)

Venus Conjunct Moon: Welcome to the romance zone! This combo brings emotional connection wrapped in affection. You’ll find beauty in being vulnerable. If you have this with with your mother or a same sex sibling/friend...it's the friends for life. With this person in your life-you know you they will always got your back!

Mars Conjunct Moon: Intense animalistic raw passionate energy🎸🔥It can burn out very easy, it can also lead to intense competition if you're not emotionally healthy. (fun fact-Marilyn Monroe had this alignment with Joe DiMaggio. She famously broke his heart and he never got over it. After her untimely death-DiMaggio faithfully placed a dozen pink baby roses on her grave every week until the end of his life)

Mercury Conjunct Moon: This relationship is one of the best to have for those looking for one that'll last a life time. It's great for work colleagues. You two will never be bore together, you'll always be doing something, got tons of projects going on and communication? that'll be this relationship's super power.

Jupiter Conjunct Moon: Get ready for emotional expansion and spiritual growth. This combo encourages optimism and adventure in your relationship. You’ll inspire each other to explore new emotional depths and experiences. Just remember to stay grounded; not every wild idea needs to be acted on! 🎢🖤(I got this with a very close friend. All we have to do is look at each other and we'll start laughing for no reason. We turn into 8 years old kids when we get together. Not every wild idea needs to be acted on? Ya, we need to follow our own advice more!)

Saturn Conjunct Moon: Lots of stability and commitment but it can reveal fears and insecurities-but this can lead to lots of healing if you're open to it. A great combo of everything that's good in a relationship but make sure you communicate and talk to each other.

Pluto Conjunct Moon: This is where transformation meets emotional intensity. Not always an easy relationship. A lot of love/hate/frenemy enemegy. It's a transformative relationship technically but it can also bring out a lot of darkness/revenge plotting/I would say be careful with this one. Requires a lot of maturity not age wise but emotional maturity.🖤

Artwork by Bailey Black

[asp1990]

Day 3: Thursday January 2nd, 2025 [Tokyo]

Breakfast: pork & egg Konbini sandwich

Lunch: Izakaya food and a Sochu wine

Dinner: Pork, egg & dipping noodles with a beer

Steps: 25,032

After a delightful 11 sleep, Morgan and I woke up at 9am, showered and head into Tokyo central to explore. The train only took about 20 minutes with one connection, so it was a breeze to navigate. Morgan was keen to get a Suica transit card but we were struggling to find any stations that sold them (I have a digital one on my iPhone that isn’t available for Samsung users). We spent almost 45 minutes walking around the ginormous Tokyo station trying to find the info centre. We finally found it and Morgan was able to buy a monthly card, which suited us just fine. We also got our second Eki train stamp which was very cute.

We were walking through Marunouchi shopping district and Morgan wanted to visit the Imperial Castle so we started walking in the direction Google Maps offered. We were almost immediately distracted by a Super Mario pop up store and went to check it out. Inside we bought a ¥200 Mario Bight Holiday Stamp Rally sheet which was a stamp scavenger hunt - cute! Without reading any of the directions, we headed outside and immediately found the first stamp. We then went to find the second and it took us about 45 minutes of going up and down the escalators trying to find the Princess Peach one. We decided to read the instructions and wouldn’t you believe it, the game became much easier. Walking around the shopping districts took us about 2 hours to complete and we delighted in seeing people of all ages carrying the same stamp booklets that we had. We only had to follow a family once in order to find the stamp station. In the middle of our hunt, we stopped at a stationary store to purchase a notebook to keep all of our stamps in. It took ages, but i was very happy with the one I chose. We finally finished the hunt at 2.30pm and returned to the starting point for our final stamp and prize.. which was stickers. Well worth the 2 hours of walking! Haha

We then went to get lunch but struggled to find a place to eat as most places closed around 2.30pm to tidy and reset for dinner service. Morgan found us a hole-in-the-wall restaurant with an English menu so we went inside. We ordered a delicious spread of edamame, fried tofu, karaage chicken and Morgan tried some panko crumbed horse mackerel - no thank you. We also had two drinks and the meal cost ¥3990 - not bad!

After lunch we walked over to the Imperial Castle. We had heard a lot of megaphone voices and saw a large police presence earlier in the day, but we weren’t sure what was going on. Morgan googled it and the 2nd is when the Imperial family address the public and open the grounds. Dammit! We could have gone, but also acknowledged that it was probably packed to the brim. The internet said it was the first proper address since pre-COVID so many people were expected to attend. We walked up as the police were leaving in drones and all crowds were gone, so we had no problems snapping a few pics of the palace as the sun set - the lighting was perfect! We were left wondering if the palace was build to be illuminated in that exact location with all interfering foliage removed. It seemed like it was the only thing the light was touching.

Whilst in the area, I wanted to check out the Uniqlo flagship store so we walked for 10 minutes and yet again were overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people shopping at once. They have the ‘Hatsu-uri’ new year sales which are similar to Aussie Boxing Day sales. It was chaotic! Morgan and I split up to visit our gendered sections. I am too tall to buy pants in Japan, which was a huge bummer, but I did buy a cute merlot-coloured bomber jacket, some thermals and a black long sleeved top. Morgan bought some pants and a green version of my travel bumbag. I also found us some coin organisers so that we didn’t just have loose coins in our pockets.

After walking around Uniqlo for an hour, our feet were tired and getting a bit sore. We tried to find a sake bar to have a drink but the two we googled were closed! We decided to get the train home and reset before heading out to dinner instead. Luckily we had accidentally walked right near a station that was a direct line back to our hotel. It was definitely time for a rest.

We went out for dinner at 7.30pm to a ramen place that Morgan had found online; a tiny restaurant called Roppongi Menya Musashi Kosho. There were only 12 seats that sat in a bar style around the kitchen where 3 men were cooking. It was a limited menu so all meals came out quickly. Instead of ordering ramen, we ordered “dipped noodles” instead and they were DELISH! The pork that came with it was roasted and seared on a hibachi grill and accompanied a boiled egg. The noodles looked a wee bit like fettuccine and the dipping sauce was thick with bone broth, chives and spices. I’m drooling just writing about it.

After dinner we decided to walk and see the Tokyo Tower - it was a 20 minute walk from near our accom. We drove past the tower on the way to our hotel on Day 1 but I didn’t realise that it’s nearly the same size as the Eiffel Tower. I was just going to take a photo of it lit up at night but Morgan wanted to go up and see the city from high up. With tickets only ¥1500 each, we went up. The views were gorgeous and it was packed. We got a souvenir photo taken and I bought Morgan and I some good luck charms from the gift shop. When we went to see our photo Morgan purchased the hard copy to take home with us.

The walk back up the hill seemed exhausting so we booked an ¥800 taxi back home and were glad to be able to get into our PJ’s and relax after an absolutely behemoth day of walking!

[chrome-barkz-aac]

Hello! I saw your post the other day about verbal levels and you offered to give advice about where someone lays on the verbality spectrum and I was wondering if you could help me. If you don't feel comfortable answering this, feel free to delete.

Anyways, I've always had pretty bad speech issues (speech impediment, stutter, and recently just figured out that roughly 45% of the time I speak it sounds like garbled nonsense to the listener) and I can talk most of the time but like verbalizing words always has felt difficult to me, like I can't make my brain move my mouth properly or there's a brick wall in my brain that won't let me speak. Like if were physically speaking right now, I probably would have only been able to say a few sentences. And i feel like it's gotte harder, not easier, as I've gotten older (though psychotic disorders run in both sides of my family so that probably doesn't help). Though if I'm reading off of a well-rehearsed script (like for a presentation) I can usually speak just fine and that's a bit confusing also.

So, what do you think? Verbal with difficulties or semiverbal?

hi anon!

as i have said before, i am just one guy on the internet. i cannot tell you where you lie on the verbality spectrum with ne degree of certainty. im not a doctor or an SLP.

i do relate to your struggles though and understand where you're coming from and wanting to know how you fit in to this whole shebang.

i WOULD however recommend that you look into the word "demiverbal". it was coined here on tumblr and may suit what youre looking for. this is NOT me saying that you are definitively demi, semi or nonverbal. only you (and maybe with input from your care team) can determine where you lie on this spectrum.

i hope soemthing good happens to you today! i hope you figure this out with ease.

best of luck my friend!

chrome

[zephywolf0]

Very Long update!

hi to esteemed followers and (mostly) mutuals!

looks like i've done one of those things again where i leave my blog for months, convinced i'll never post anything again, only to return later with my art vastly improved. the only thing different this time is that i'm openly discussing it and not just quietly slipping an image onto someone's dash.

if you followed me for art - firstly, thank you kindly, secondly: how!? god some of this old stuff looks downright terrible!

and thirdly, you can expect at least some crumbs!.. unless i start forgetting to post again.

in my last personal update post i announced making this an "everything blog" which in hindsight was aributary because i still draw... mostly just greasers and psychobilly stuff with a few exceptions. i think when i posted that i was having one of my annual Vampire - the Masquerade fixations and expected most of my art to be centered around the game for much longer than it actually was. in the end, this remains The Blog of What I Was Gonna Draw Anyway.

i even actually got into making the comic i've been wanting to make forever (since like 2021 lol) and it's super exciting! i actually got the story kind of ironed out and i feel like i can maybe really stick to it this time? back then i constricted myself too much w composition and also just didn't have the skill to pull most of it off and now i actually can!!!!! i'm seriously surprisngly proud of myself! look at this compasion of march vs a few days ago!

march on the left new on the right lol

now into some actual personal stuff - mostly just because i seriously need to get this off my chest and for anyone interested in why i've been gone to get a little context, so tread the next couple paragraphs carefully as it is just a whole lot of complaining. unless you love reading internet strangers' woes it's not for you hahaha

things for me for the past couple of months aside from a few bright spots have been whatever the opposite of rock n' roll is (stand still and shuffle maybe.)

i graduated - obviously this was a lot of stress; i'm an animation major and crammed an about two and a half minute music video into a couple months, which was uhh hard. the band subsequently left me on read which i'm both mortified by and also can't blame them for cuz it did turn out ass. the entirety of my time after graduation was spent trying to find a job: as a non-citizen, getting into university didn't exactly seem in the books for me if i can't pay for it myself as i seriously didn't wanna put that additional stress on my parents. this was mostly fruitless as the job market is in the absolute crapper right now.

then i finally got covid after avoiding it for literally the entirely of the pandemic; the illness itself went surprisingly fine, but what came after is the actual disaster i live today. my immune system was completely destroyed and my chronic illnesses spiked. this caused me to lose the job that i did manage to get (let's go somehow below minimum wage!!!!) as i had an inflammation in my spine and was fired cuz i couldn't go into work.

right now my time is spent being sick ever since i got covid in august and also trying to get some documentation sorted. i need a citizenship and i need a disability status cuz if my health keeps on going this way i seriously can't see how i'll have a "real job" and even the measly hundred coin that the goverment can provide would be a massive help.

now this is where we circle back to one of the reasons this blog was started in the first place: being an immigrant really sucks! while yes, every day i'm grateful i'm here and not back there there are still some major fallbacks that can't exactly be ignored - mainly the fact that my current country may not want to let me in while my home country may not want to let me go. this is not something i have control over.

and speaking of my country, some big changes have been happening here that have definitely affected me hard. i mentioned in a previous textpost some long while ago that i'm no stranger to xenophobia and being stereotyped, and that has lately been blown way the hell out of proportion. PEOPLE ARE GETTING MEANER. PEOPLE ARE GETTING MORE CLOSE MINDED.

i don't really wanna disclose where i'm from in this post, i think i've mentioned it before, but if you're familiar you'll catch on.

yes, i understand this is an issue that affects all immigrants everywhere. yes i understand i'm super lucky to be where i am. but i am human and i can hurt and by god i am hurting right now. there's been a massive effort on my country's behalf to remove my first language from media; all schools that taught in my first language have been transformed to, well, not do that; there's a massive stained hole at the main train station where a sign in my first language was hanging. and i feel it. a child born here will no longer be of whatever family they belong to but they will be of the country and it hurts me.

again, i understand that this is a universal experience for migrants but to see it happen in real time is terrifying and absolutely discouraging. people see this change as a nice excuse to become absolutely horrible to those around them, and it's separating us instead of one country into two communities - "us" and "them," and i don't see the benefit. nobody i personally know sees the benefit, and yet somehow nobody who chooses to actually speak out on it seems to find this objectionable in any way at all - in fact, most outlets and spokespeople, whether they are from here or not, see this as a good thing, that those like me should just suck it up, "be more like them," that this is common sense. sure, in the vacuum of historic context, it might be, but we aren't living in history, we are living in the present and real people are affected and hurt by this. our great-great grandfathers don't give a shit. they're dead.

i'm alive and i breathe and i have a family i want to speak to and celebrate with in the way we are comfortable. i can keep moving, i can keep going, but i can't outrun my face which i feel gets more and more foreign the longer i look at it in the mirror.

all of the things above combined have been a massive strain on me psychologically and social media was seeeeeeriously the last thing on my mind. i gotta be honest i don't know WHAT force is holding me together rn but it's doing a damn good job because recently i actually started enjoying existence again. maybe it's cuz i learned not to be so depressed indoors; usually i couldn't go a few days without going outside without completely breaking down, but now sometimes i completely forget that going outside is something you Need To Do and just enjoy indoor hobbies. i know people usually say the opposite but i'm very sporty and active and enjoying being inside the whole day is kind of nuts. i've been loving my space more and more and i guess found a way to adapt my energetic nature to a constricting situation. i'm proud of myself for that too.

thanks for reading if you stuck it out this long and look forward to more drawings, hopefully.

[lmaoitsyuuji]

Nah I’d meme

(Do memes (as it is popular in Malaysian politics) provide a useful way of understanding politics?)

Even politics aren’t safe from being ‘meme’d’.

Meme?

The term ‘meme’ (from the Greek word “mimoúmai”, meaning ‘to imitate’) was coined by a British evolutionary biologist, Richard Dawkins in his 1976 book ‘The Selfish Gene’ (Benveniste 2022). A meme is a piece of media that is repurposed to deliver a cultural, social or political expression through humour and can be in the form of a picture or a video.

Quirk: Meme-ify

Memes exists in every social media platform you can think of—Instagram, TikTok, X and even WhatsApp. Do you know what meme format that is popular nowadays? Cat memes >^•-•^<

Cat memes, that had died down in 2010, has risen back from the ashes and are the hype nowadays. Honestly, I laugh at most, if not all, cat memes cause I’m a loser and that’s how I roll.

Behold, the thousand yard cat stare.

When meme meets politics

There seems to be an ongoing trend of people creating memes of political figures/parties in their countries. Trump is likely the most ‘meme’d’ political figure in history—just scrolling through the internet makes that pretty clear!

Political memes have become a common way for people to be exposed to political content and express their political views online (Halversen & E.Weeks 2023). Political memes’ purpose is to make fun of the political state of a country—however, it can educate people about politics as well. It is a good way for information to be spread around as it attracts netizens to engage with political memes. People no longer want to read but prefer to take a few seconds to view a meme and make a simple comment or adjustment to it and resend it to other platforms (Kasirye 2019, p. 45).

“Meme-laysia”

We usually see a surge of new memes online whenever election is around the corner or when a political figure messes up in their job (which they OFTEN do) and Malaysia is no stranger to political memes. In fact, Malaysian netizens strive in creating political memes. The distinguished gentleman above is probably the most well-known ‘meme’ in Malaysia. Memes about him cursing in the Malaysian Parliament garnered attention from locals and foreigners alike—talk about going viral for the wrong reason!

Additionally, memes were used extensively during the 15th General Election in Malaysia across many social media platforms and the influence of memes among young people in the social media sphere succeeded in altering Malaysian politics once more (Mohd Nizah et. al 2024, p.120). Political memes affect Gen-Z voters that participated in the PRU 15 election where over 4.5 million of them are under the age of 21. Memes act as a tool that distils complex political issues, making them more relatable and easier to understand to the younger generations.

Aside from that, there is an example of a popular Malaysian political meme that happens to be about our former Malaysian Prime Minister, Muhyiddin Yassin. To recap everything, Muhyiddin Yassin announced his resignation on August 16, 2021, on live TV after serving only one year in office. This caused confusion amongst Malaysians and they took to social media to share their confused reactions to the news (Lee 2021). You might be asking—what’s wrong with that? You see, the problem about this is that Muhyiddin resigned from being a Prime Minister… to a ‘caretaker’ PM (until there’s a new successor comes). So, he basically resigned from being the Prime Minister of Malaysia… to the Prime Minister of Malaysia. This political issue has birthed many funny memes and here are some memes to prove it:

Source: Mashable SE Asia

Meme-ocracy

Now, do memes (as it is popular in Malaysian politics) provide a useful way of understanding politics? Yes, I do think they provide a useful way for people to understand politics. The younger generations use memes to understand and learn about the political state of Malaysia, especially during elections, as it is easier to consume than traditional news source. Memes simplify complex issues and make them more relatable, helping young people engage with the political landscape in a way that feels more accessible and entertaining. Seeing as how the young generations are becoming voters now, political figures use memes as a political marketing strategy to relate to the younger generations as well as to spread their propaganda to citizens. They also use memes to cope with the current trends of the world and to communicate with the younger generation as memes are less formal, straightforward, humorous and easily comprehended (Nieubuurt 2021).

Thoughts

I do believe people, especially Malaysian citizens, can understand politics through memes. People relate to memes and some memes, even political ones, can be hilarious. I like memes and so should you :).

(773 words)

References

Benveniste, A 2022, The Meaning and History of Memes, The New York Times, viewed 3rd October 2024,

<https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/26/crosswords/what-is-a-meme.html>

Halversen, A & E.Weeks, B 2023, Memeing Politics: Understanding Political Meme Creators, Audiences, and Consequences on Social Media, Sage Journals, viewed 3rd October 2024,

<https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/20563051231205588 >

Kasirye, F 2019, The Effectiveness of Political Memes as a Form of Political Participation amongst Millenials in Uganda, pp.44-52, Journal of Education and Social Sciences, Vol. 13, Issue 1, viewed 3rd October 2024

Lee, J 2021, Confused Malaysians make sense of country’s political crisis through memes, Mashable SE Asia, viewed 3rd October 2024,

<https://sea.mashable.com/culture/17175/confused-malaysians-make-sense-of-countrys-political-crisis-through-memes>

Mohd Nizah, MA, Abu Bakar, AR, Zahran, MA & Mohd Mokhtar, MA 2024, The Influence of Political Memes on Political Marketing Strategy in Malaysia, pp. 118-131, Journal of Public Administration and Governance Vol.14, ResearchGate, viewed 3rd October 2024.

Nieubuurt, J 2021, Internet Memes: Leaflet Propaganda of the Digital Age, Frontiers, viewed 3rd October 2024,

<https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/communication/articles/10.3389/fcomm.2020.547065/full>