#'if people disliked us they will tell us' and 'damn that sucks wait like a day tho for it 2 get better' then that is a start
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euclydya · 2 years ago
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having 2 just up and bap my brain every time an Intrusive Paranoia Thought comes up and my new s year resolution is to ingrane it into my deranged mind that Negative Self Thoughts Fuckig Bad. i am going 2 try this Soo hard. ok
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hunterbunter3000 · 2 years ago
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Hey hope you have I nice day, I LOVE you sweetheart series but I was just curious on what farah and valeria thoughts of sweetheart, do they also have a crush on her or do they see as an enemy(valeria), again hope you have a lovely day
Hello! Thank you, I hope you have a wonderful day as well! ❤️💓
And omg they don't hate her at all LMAO
I kinda dislike when girls hate each other over men. Even tho, yes, it can do good for the story and writers can do whatever tf they want, I like when they communicate their emotions on WHY they feel like that, instead of ruining a good friendship they have!
Farah and Sweetheart are actually really good friends! Even though Farah thinks that Sweetheart is weird as SHIT (I mean hell, who doesn't) and questions her thinking process everytime she sees Sweets, but she's a hell of a good fighter and has been there when other people weren't.
Farah values Sweetheart's kindness cause WHEW YK SHE NEEDS IT MY POOR BABY
Sweetheart tells her stories of her whacky adventures she has by herself and with her team constantly when she visits or when she calls like she's CALLING A NEIGHBOR LOL
Farah: Sweetheart? Why are you-- how are you calling me? Hang up, they can trace this!
Sweetheart, laughing: Don't worry, Don't worry! I'm using an old burner phone that isn't even on the market anymore. Now I need to tell you what happened at the base today.
Farah, speed walks to a secluded area: Oh girl shit, tell me what happened
YK THEY GOSSIP TO EACH OTHER ITS JUST A FACT
Sweetheart: AND THEN SHE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY "OH-- I never even finished it" SO IT PUSHED US BACK FOR LIKE A WEEK
Farah: NOOOOOO WHAT A BITCHASS MOVE
Sweetheart: RIGHT???
And omg I see Farah teaching Sweetheart how to cook her home food (have you noticed that I'm a foodie. Have you noticed I really like food) and Sweetheart bringing dishes she made at the base so Farah and her soldiers can try!
Farah, eating her mac and cheese: Sweetheart oh my God this is amazing!
Sweetheart: 🥹
Soldier: Are you taken yet?
Farah: BACK THE FUCK OFF AND EAT YOUR FOOD AND SHUT UP
Sweetheart: 😰
Istg Farah is like a damn cat, protecting Sweets from hands in MARRIAGE LOL
But Farah was quite confused about her team. Why do they all look at her like that? And she's not doing anything about it?? WOAH WATCH YOUR HAND SOAP--
Laswell had to explain it to her.
Farah, shocked: wait... so they ALL LIKE HER!?
Laswell: I would say it's 'love', but basically yeah
Farah, looking at Alex: So... All of them?
(Farah x Alex forever, Sweetheart can go suck a carrot)
(Y E S IM HATING ON MY OWN CREATION SHUT U P)
Farah was so heartbroken when she found out that Alex loved Sweetheart romantically. She honestly found that out herself when she saw Alex had a fond look in his eyes looking at Sweetheart
And Farah kinda-- just accepted it? Like she didn't want to interfere with the two, so it was like an Angelica and Eliza story (ANGST??1?1??11?) So she would just smile and ignore the pit she felt in her heart everytime she saw them together.
But one night Farah couldn't take it anymore and just ignored Sweetheart for like two whole days. Sweetheart ain't about that 😡 nah uh no ma'am
Sweetheart: Farah!
Sweetheart, grabbing Farah's arm: Farah please. What is going on with you?
Farah, not looking at Sweetheart: Nothing.
Sweetheart, not buying it: Farah come on- even a blind man would see that something is wrong. You can talk to me! We're friends--
Farah, breaking Sweets hold: Just... Leave me be, please.
Sweetheart, sad: Did I do something wrong? Please-
Farah: No, you didn't do anything wrong I just--
Sweetheart: Then what's going on--
Farah: I like Alex, okay!?
(It was silent)
(Farah didn't want to look at Sweetheart, but she saw her hands waving frantically. She looks up confused, now seeing Sweetheart smiling ear to ear and fanning her eyes)
Sweetheart, wheezing: You like Alex! Holy hell, I KNEEWWW IT- I knew it I knew it
Sweetheart, hands in her hair: ARGH I OWE LASWELL SO MUCH FUCKIN MONEY SHIT
Farah:
Farah: Pardon?
Sweetheart: GIRL PLEASE I knew you liked Alex a long time ago! I just-- didn't say anything cause I didn't want to pressure you.
Farah, relaxed: Ah... I see. You're not- You're not mad?
Sweetheart: Mad!? Why in the world would I be mad at you liking someone I know?
Farah: Well... I didn't want you to see it as me taking your..."friend." Also, I don't think he likes me back.
Sweetheart, grabbing Farah's cheeks: Farah, have you seen yourself? You're absolutely beautiful! Of course he would like you.
Oh.
Oh my.
Farah felt warm and tingling when Sweetheart said that. With honesty. With her smile. She meant it. "You're beautiful."
"Have you seen yourself? You're beautiful."
Her big, warm hands held Farah's cheeks softly, like too much pressure would break her.
(FARAH GOIN THRU IITTTT) (Farah bi-curious moment? AHAHAHAH)
Sweetheart told Farah that she would help her win Alex, so it's a GIRL POWER type friendship they got goin on and I love it
With Valeria... as I said in another ask, they're like freinemies (did I even spell that right) Sweetheart don't really like her cause she works for the cartel and drugs BUT SHE A BUSINESS WOMAN
Omg when they were interrogating Valeria, Sweetheart was SWEATING-- SHE WAS SCARED FOR HER LIFE (she had some... troubles with the cartel in the past)
But omg she was so nervous
Sweetheart: If you mitch-match blacks, YOU DIE
Alejandro: SWEETHEART
Sweetheart: WHAT!? MIXING BLACKS IS A CRIME IN ITSELF
(Valeria was fucking cackling in there)
Valeria, smirking: I don't think you'll get very far with this if she's with you
Sweetheart: I AM WALKING BACK AND FORTH
Valeria sees Sweets as entertainment, because she knows how nervous and hyper Sweets can get when she's around
Valeria teases the SHIT outta Sweetheart constantly (Val gonna give her a heart attack fr fr)
She questions Sweets actions alot tho
Valeria: ...How did you even get up there?
Sweetheart, holding onto a high pole to get away from Valeria:
Sweetheart: uh- out of fear
GIRL HOW YOU GONNA BE SCARED OF A WOMAN SHORTER THAN YOU COME ON
Valeria thinks it's impressive how she collects men like Pokémon
Valeria: You have my ex wrapped around your manicured finger.
Valeria, smirking: Good on you, pez globo.
Sweetheart:
Sweetheart: h u h
And Valeria popped the question to her
Valeria: Why are you afraid of me?
Sweetheart, getting nervous: I'm... sorry?
Valeria: I have seen you take down men like they're flies. I have seen you use many weapons like they're second nature. Yet you're afraid of me?
Sweetheart: I just--
(She looks away, unconsciously rubbing her right forearm with her hand. Her eyes dim, holding a dark story she obviously doesn't to say.)
Sweetheart: What you do... is dangerous. So obviously I'm-- I'm gonna be afraid of you.
Valeria:
Valeria: I see.
(Did I just give Sweetheart trauma- what the flying fuck why do I do this everytime with characters-- I WAS TRYING MY BEST NOT TO GIVE HER ANY UGH)
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one-edgy-bitch-was-taken · 18 days ago
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I haven't seen other talk about this so I'll talk about it.
Neurotypicals telling me their admire me or think I'm so cool and unbothered by not fitting in and "creating my own bubble not feeling the need to be part of the bubbles of everyone else's group" SUCKS! I 𝘼𝙈 𝘽𝙊𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝘽𝙔 𝙄𝙏 𝙎𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙊𝙉!
I'm a AuDHD person who's autism flew under the radar and ADHD was ignored.
I'm a AuDHD person who never learned to properly mask because my brain found it physically impossible to mimic the neurotypicals and for once shut the fuck up.
I'm a AuDHD person who's only companion the other "weird kid" abandoned me masking to be like the rest because unlike me SHE COULD I physically COULDN'T DO IT!
I HATE THE ISOLATION AND I ALWAYS HAVE!
I'm not solitary by nature, I'm solitary because no one ever accepted me.
It's not something COOL or something you should ADMIRE.
My own fucking homeroom teacher told me that she admires my ability to make my own bubble. In 4 years of teaching me this woman didn't pick up on the fact that every single group has ignored me, shit talked me, laughed at me or called me weird.
In 4 years she didn't pick up on the fact that I was always the last pick that no one was happy to get in their project unless the project had something that needed a drawing in it which was the only time people actually didn't complain about me being involved because I was one of the few kids who could draw and they would just tell me what and where to draw and I would.
I HATE IT!
I HATE THAT NO MATTER WHERE I GO AND HOW MANY GROUPS THERE ARE I'M ALWAYS LEFT ON MY OWN!
I HATE THAT NO MATTER WHERE I GO I KNOW PEOPLE HATE ME OR DISLIKE ME ON THE BASIS THAT THEY THINK I'M WEIRD AND ODD WHEN I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. I DID SO MUCH TO TRY AND GET PEOPLE TO LIKE 𝙈𝙀 BUT THEY JUST DON'T!
We don't create a bubble where we're all alone and "unbothered" we are ignored by the collective and forced into isolation till we have no choice but to sit in our own bubble self soothing and waiting for a day when MAYBE some how some way, someone who's a little bit like us will enter it.
I shouldn't have needed to be strong and made my own bubble since I was a little kid...
I should have had friends.
Humans are social creatures and the fact everyone isolates us out of their life just because we're weird is cruel and inhumane. It feels like torture because we try SO HARD for people to like us. But the best we get is being tolerated and being given those looks we know so well from childhood. The fact that they tolerate us at work because they have to.
I go days without talking to practically anyone.
Because I have like 4 friends in total if we're being generous.
And don't get me started on if we gods forbid try and find a lover because it's SO DAMN LONELY to be us.
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adrianicsea · 1 year ago
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wait omg if nobodys said larry for the character thing. i’m asking for him too
nobody HAS asked for him yet!! i can only assume it’s because everyone would give anything on this planet for me to STOP talking about lawrence gordon. but nevertheless, i will— nay, must— continue.
first impression— i liked him by virtue of him resurrecting my long-buried cary elwes crush (princess bride was a formative movie in my gaytrans journey when i was 11-13), but i was actually more of an adam fan when i first got into saw!! i didn’t DISLIKE lawrence, but he wasn’t my favorite.
current impression— what even is there to say. i’ve written what will become a 320k chainshipping fic from lawrence’s pov. i have given SO much time and energy and thought into living in his head. they could put him in saw xi in a baseball cap and tell us he’s still only 43 and i would say Yes Sir Absolutely! FAVORITE favorite character in the series, will never be dethroned, and has since become one of my dearest comfort characters in general. I Love Lawrence.
favorite moment— either the love scene with adam or his “to overcome a disease, you have to understand what a perfect engine it is” speech when he’s trying to persuade adam to help him.
idea for a story— Too Damn Many!! but one that i HAVE started writing that isn’t at all related to swg universe is a fic that explores lawrence’s gender troubles (i hc him as agender) via a series of vignettes of past experiences he’s had with lovers, friends, and family. i’d love to polish it off and finish it sometime when i have the bandwidth for it!!
unpopular opinion— i both understand how and why lawrence being an apprentice makes sense for the character narratively/psychologically… AND would have preferred if the writers hadn’t taken him in that direction. most people tend to stick pretty firmly into the “apprentice larry rules” or “apprentice larry sucks” camps, and i don’t really see much nuance in others’ approach to the subject.
favorite relationship— well. it’s adam. what else was i going to say here. they’re some of the most fascinating, compelling, and evocative narrative foils i’ve seen in ANY movie, and i’m endlessly captured by what a perfect whole/unit the two of them make when they’re cooperating on solving a problem together. even after adam’s death, lawrence carries on a relationship with the dead, persecuting ghost of adam in his head, and that’s part of what drives his work as an apprentice!! they CAN���T exist without the other, and it’s everything to me.
favorite headcanon— again, Too Damn Many, but i’ll go with something simple and say it’s my identity headcanons for him: that he’s gay, agender, and autistic. He’s Just Like Me FR!!!!!!!
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theskyexists · 1 year ago
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gundam ep 18, 19 20
didnt want to watch more gundam bc i was so pissed and i didnt think that the writers/narrative were going to treat what they had miorine do to suletta with enough weight.
i start episode 6 after waiting to let myself calm down.good call on my part. but
why the fuk does miorine feel beholden to prospera when prospera didnt do shit lol
miorine’sover the top anger is no longer adorable. it’s just childish and annoying. a sign of her being stupidly out of her depth. the politics are also so ridiculous. is shin sei now miorine’s subsidiary? when did that happen? WHAT IS OWNERSHIP EVEN IN THIS UNIVERSE. DID MIORINE INHERIT SHARES?????????
this was the ONLY way it could go yeah for suletta to think that i guess. but damn im glad i waited
‘ive no intention of fighting you you saved my life’BUT i will insult your friend.
what an idiot. starting to dislike how this is all about literal children
are we punching miorine. we doing this?
so martin got hurt by a mob and they’re like hey why dont u stay behind to protect the base from the mob. lol
miorine never rescinded earth house’s rights to the ship with which they can just dump suletta at her place? ????? god its so japanese
fuck. chuchu is NOT punching miorine? ‘talking things out’? what the fuck. why are we getting all these fun lil group dynamics after something so shit. why are they still working for gundarm at all. ‘WHEN the bullies come back, dont try anything crazy’  literally leaving the hurt member for the bullies to kill iguess. what the fuck
how is this elan so good at fighting he can stop a terrorist pilot witch from stabbing him in the eye
‘i did not expect him to team up with peil’ why the fuck ever not
wow that went fast. suletta didn’t even fight for aerial. god. the most doormat to ever doormat. not even AERIAL. did prospera arrange for suletta to find aerial because eri wanted to see her?
what the fuck dude i mean. why.... WHY.
ok so why didnt eri ever do this before though like - could have talked to her in this mindspace all along. ok so...uh. they dont need the key which is suletta anymore. and...wait. so there were a lot of children. but surely not so many. what with the timeline. but hold on. and score eight, thats when eri doesn’t need a pilot. you’re telling me there was no way of tweaking the software or hardware for the AI inside to take control of the suit. beyond a score 8 datastorm. why the fuck is eri being so nasty to suletta. i thought she cared about her
what the fuck. literally like. what the fck. why would eri do this to her right after miorine did this to her. what even goes on in their minds
simply ejects her into the vacuum of space with limited air supply. ok.....? i mean. and aerial cannot be steered by herself either we were just told so they’re both just in space i guess.
prospera and eri literally just told her: actually use you were also just a cog in a machine that we were using and we dont need anymore bye
???????????????????????????????????why the fuck would eri do that
‘suletta deserves to live freely’
are you fuckign serious. are you fucking serious. really. you’re fucking serious. you are telling me that. prospera and eri care about suletta as well but they just lied to her again and told her they don’t just to let her ‘live freely’.. all these people are completely insane and psychopaths and completely unforgivable. completely fucking insane and unforgivable. the writers just made it worse. i CANNOT forgive this. i literally cannot.
if suletta does not go apeshit i will kill somebody and that somebody will be the whole writing team
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ep 19
let me just say that i saw some ‘oh we all good now’ fanart and i am absolutely not about it. jezus christ.
wow they really skimped on the animation for miorine
suletta is going further and further into a depression spiral and earth house is jus like: hmmm sucks . and the people who love her are like: lol bye better off without us! fuck yoU!!!
this rando side character from a mid-level company who for some reason does the counselling at the school (???)  or hijacks it is like a total ......like. player. reallyjust playing around . its great
what IS benerit group’s jurisdiction? is miorine ever gonna see the terrible circumstances that her friends came from? too bad Nika and Chuchu aren’t along to point out: yeah i worked here as a nine year old 12 hours a day lol
who the hell is miorine negotiating with? and why is she going if she doesnt speak for the group. what can she even promise
this spacian and not-elan and nika have been in thisroom for what. a week? and somehow elan is capable of holding her TWICE. how theFUCK is he not dead. his superior male strength apparently. hate this part. its boring. it’s sexist. it’s stupid. but i guess its nice that theyre doing a fucked up emotional bond between the shitty spacian and the shitty earthian bc they’re both gundam pawns
miorine thinks she can get some goodwill for developing prosthetic limbs....(which by all accounts ALREADY EXIST LOL LOOK AT PROSPERA). wow that went surprisingly well. goodthing the guy’s a doctor. and recognised she means well. might be a way to change things etc.
general guy surely must have been responsible for the 1500 earthians disappeared and tortured huh....
god i cant stand the earth house-suletta dynamics. everybody is so annoying. suletta for being her same old self and earth house peeps for being like: oh but just have a meal with us we’re friends :):):):) shut the fuck up
it’s like these writers have never experienced grief at all
oh she just gotta have a nice soup and a cry and a meal with friends. shut the fuckup
‘even when you know it’s not the right way, sometimes it’s the only thing you can do’
uh. no. what? martin didn’t have to sell nika out just bc he was sure she was a terrorist. miorine and eri and prospera didnt have to stab suletta in all the worst places just to ‘set her free’. that like saying: oh i killed a couple of people but eh, meh, eh, so what?i just fucked around abit and now we’re finding out. so it goes!
seriously this kid actually reveals all this shit to guel??? lol!!!!what an idiot!!! these people almost killed you!!! guel doesnt even care enough to get a you a spot in the academy (’you should ask somebody else’WHO GUEL. WHO IS HE GONNA MEET)
this story went far off the rails
this kid just sold out his people’s best chance of becomign indpeendent and free from benerit group. what idiot adult never told this complete dumbass to keep his fucking mouth shut.
prospera. what the FUCK. how is THIS necessary for anything? Eri. Why are you doing this also. Im looking at all the fanart thats like ooooo we all good after ep 22 we a happy family.
Suletta is a psycho. Prospera is a way worse psycho. Miorine is a bitch. Guel is a total bastard. Even Eri is a total psycho.
oh ok it was an excuse to leave miorine behind with no guards at all. LOL. the guards all left and prospera was like byeeeeeeee
the high council (?) (who the fuck are they then) have been funding the earthian ochs earth corporation gundams....ok thats one mystery solved. so why did prospera attack the gundams there. and was there an implications that there are multiple sophies and noreas or were they simply associated in teh system. but also what. they corrupted GUND principles? you care about those prospera?
Miorine seriously has no direct control over her men or gundams? why is she so......DUMB. i know shes only seventeenbut like.
‘oh we didnt give orders’ that is no excuse. check your lines of command. get your goddamn intel directly. there are like three fucking robot pilots. you can speak to them DIRECTLY. now they’re blowing up shit because theyre getting shot at. soldiers and cops are such cowards. oh ill just laserblast everybody. instead of idk. listening to ORDERS and simply evading
‘guel, you’ve defiled her’
what. lol. shaddiq maybe you should have helped her. idk. always being such a stupid dick
‘prospera mercury was onto us.’ ok so he knows that shes destroyed the stored gundams.
aerial did NOT do the only thing she could. in fact, she could have just said: suletta, our mother is a total pschyo, shes going to fuck everyone over just so i can live again. you shouldnt be part of that. with her actual voice
literally.what is this japanese fucking bullshit. it’s like they literally have different neural pathways. like LITERALLY. every anime has this to some extent. where there’s these contrived mantras based on idiotic non-communciation. as though it is impossible to be truthful or straightforward about anything. its better to stab someone than be straightforward.
really hate the tempo, the futility, and most of all the heart of the emotional conflict. it’s fake. it’s extreme. there’s no payoff. and in the end it is unrelated to any of the earthian suffering. 
i predict: suletta is not going to go apeshit
chuchu did not punch miorine and will not
prospera and  eri will also not get any comeuppance
‘its all my fault. i did this’
uh yeah. because you didn’t prepare. you didn’t consider that everybody had their fingers on the triggers. you didnt control your soldiers. YOUR SOLDIERS. just let the commander fly off. didn’t intervene in communication. didn’t tell  the commander that THOSE robots also needed to be disarmed. yeah. people died because you’re an idiot. fuck you
AND MIORINE IS THE ONLY MORALLY INTELLIGENT CHARACTER IN THE WHOLE DAMN SHOW. THE ONLY ONE IN THE ENTIRE SHOW!!!!!!!!! EVERYBODY ELSE IS EITHER EXTREMELY DUMB SELFISH OR MORALLY CORRUPT. UNFORTUNATELY SHE’S ALSO AN IDIOT.
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ep 20
shaddiq is angry at guel for no reason. guel is angry at shaddiq for important reasons like he accidentally killed his dad at the plant quetta incident that shaddiq orchestrated
what is this ‘comedy’ low-stakes shit between martin and these two leftover student council idiots
‘our mobile suit wrecked havoc while we claim to be a  medical company’ maybe shouldnt have a mobile suit. ‘even lilique is angry’ WHY AREN’T THEY.
why is earth house so completely apathetic? Miorine kicked suletta to the curb like its nothing. they didnt much care. Miorine seems to have attacked a major Earth city. they dont much care. fucking hell dude lol
he really thinks guel (who is definitely a dumbass) was the one to taint miorine’s name and soul? he KNOWS prospera was behind it. jezus christ. can they just kill  each other already. fucking hell. how did the writing tank likethis.
shaddiq deliberaely wants to have the school demolished....
wow those cathedra guys are terrabad at responding to attacks and protecting civilians
how does shaddiq knowthat. right bc he has connections with. ok its a way to freak him out but cmong guel. SHADDIQ SET THAT UP ACCUSE HIM OF THAT RIGHT NOW. didnt
the weird thing about the gundam fights is why their conversations are always boosted from enemy to enemry to the entire fuckign public
comms just said: dont get involved leave it to security
house jeturk instantly sends out a student. who almost got killed last time. didnt even lift campus restrictions. SURELY thats a single fucking switch
Burion House doesnt have a single pilot with them in the bunker ?
chuchu really going for Nika right now? Martin the rat stopping her and asking Nika to help out? after ratting her out? my god
Nika: ‘this is all my fault’ what the ever living fuck are you talking about. what arrogance
shaddiq was hoping guel would protect miorine from all this shit but he didn’t i mean fair enough. guel is such a fail-man
shaddiq is for sure not. and his idea is pretty good. too bad he keeps having people murdered left and right. if he’d simply ordered his people in dawn of the fold to help miorine out but noooo
ah he wanted spacian losses at asticassia to poke the league....but....then why was he running for president. and also. surely he hasn’t been able to transfer many of the assets yet. just grassley’s
i like how norea’s grief is fuckin realhere alright
wow elan doing his: i hold your arms so you cant hit me move here again. even works in mobile suit form. lol
yap. norea too. i mean. who can care about suletta or miorine or fuckin guel when sophie and norea be imploding right here. the war oprhans, the exploited unprivileged drafted children.they’re mercilessly mowed down by the ‘good guys’ cathedra. who’ve been doing that shit for twenty years.
I HATE earth house lol
i also hate suletta. dont like her shounen shit anymore which isnt shounen shit anymore. thats because all of this is just so.....who cares.who cares. truly who cares.
thing is. this show really likes to do dramatic moments but all the dramaticmoments this past season have not been satisfying. they have been really frustrating narratively. shaddiq and prospera and miorine and the league all fucking shit up. miorine really SHOULD have chosen shaddiq it turns out. they might have actually made a good pair, if shaddiq had been truthful at all
suletta isnt gonna do shit about earth. she really doesnt give a fuck. miorine is too stupid to do anything about it. guel ABSOLUTELY is. and everybody else is infinitely dumb
to be honest, why did prospera destory earth ochs gundams when it destroyed miorine’s chances of becoming president. unless she didnt need quiet zero after all. but then why bother with her AT ALL
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flydotnet · 1 year ago
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Intimacy Is Scary (It Doesn't Have to Be, But I'm Stubborn)
WHUMPTOBER 2023, DAY 27: “You drew stars around my scars; But now I’m bleeding.” Matches | Scars | “Let me see”
Man, that "Non-Sexual Intimacy" tag is starting to rank up uses within this series. This is, what, the third time I'm using it? Fourth maybe?
I'm a simple girl: I love the trope of a character asking another about their scars and I! will! not! feel! bad! about! it! It's just too good to pass up and this time it's Funky Soccer Manga Rarepair Edition. This manga is prone to this kind of shit despite Urabe and Katagiri being the only characters to canonically have scars I can quote on top of my head (seriously, isn't it weird that, officially, Misugi doesn't have one on his chest, at least?), so I took advantage of that.
Despite the fact I had my idea of combining those two prompts specifically as soon as I thought about Day 27, I found myself stumped until this morning, mostly because I didn't want to write JunYayo or MatsuYoshi yet again. So instead I went for my like third most written CT ship lmfao, okay Fly, such variety.
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Intimacy Is Scary (It Doesn't Have to Be, But I'm Stubborn)
Summary: A quick check-up for a wound leads to a much more intimate conversation.
Fandom: Captain Tsubasa
Word Count: 1K words
AO3 version available here.
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In spite of everything about him that always leads to that sort of situations – his reckless style of playing, his intense training regimens, his refusal to ever slow down for anything and paying the price for it all – there’s one thing that’s become clear to Shun: he’ll never get over himself.
It’s not for lack of trying: he just hates being taken care of, he’s pretty sure. He hates the pity in people’s eyes when they look over his wounds and the concern in their voices when he has a fever and they know it just as well as he does. It makes his skin crawl and gives him the overpowering urge to leave the fuck out, never to be seen again, or something along those lines.
This used to just be an annoyance, most of the time; but now, it’s an actual issue. He doesn’t actually want to be like that, so reluctant to let himself get vulnerable even around people he trusts with his whole heart for anything else under the sun.
It’s biting him right now, since he has Kumi looking him over, or rather, trying to. They’ve been at this for the past few minutes and, now that he has to take his shirt off so she can check out if he’s scraped his shoulder or not, it’s raging an awful storm inside his mind.
“Let me see, please,” she tells him with the kindest voice that’s ever addressed to him.
Despite that, and how much he dislikes going against her, Shun remains hesitant. It still crawls under his skin.
“Do we have to?”
She doesn’t bulge, not even an iota.
“I’d feel better if I knew what exactly needs patching up.”
She makes such a compelling case – and it’s her too. The one he can actually call his girlfriend and it wouldn’t be anything close to a lie. That sucks so hard.
“Okay, okay…”
At long last, and after gulping down his ever-fluctuating pride and finally admitting to himself he can’t say no to her anymore, Shun decides to take off the damn thing and let her in at last. The pain that briefly burns even hotter as he does helps him stay grounded and, dare he say it, it may’ve softened the embarrassment that should be flowing freely inside his veins right about now (or maybe he’s finally getting over himself).
Kumi doesn’t wait a second longer before she takes out the first-aid kit on her lap and cleans out the scrape. It stings and itches, but it’s stop annoying him as much long, long ago. You do get used to it, after a while. In mere minutes, she has bandaged it without a single default and sat back inside her chair, proud smile on her face.
“Here we go, all done!” She announces, as peppy as ever.
“Thanks, it’s great!”
Right as he’s about to put on his shirt again, her eyes grow wider, and he stops midway there.
“What’s this one?” She asks, apparently mesmerized by the thing, if her wide-open eyes and how they sparkle is any indication.
He follows the direction of her fingertip, which lands on an old scar he forgot he had. It’s long, almost circling his shoulder, and clearly looks stitches – at least, it’s obvious to him, most likely because he knows he was under the knife for that one. It’s had the time to blanch out and regain some of his usual skin colour, so it’s not as ugly as it used to be (even if he’s unable to wear it as a badge of pride, unlike Urabe).
“I, uhm… I don’t remember it well, but I broke my shoulder when I was little. They had to screw stuff in place, I think.”
“Oh, that must’ve been a bad fracture, then.”
“I was apparently super annoying about being unable to use my arm. Also, I used to beep when passing through metal detectors, I can remember that. That was kinda funny, though.”
“As in?”
“I’d whine to go to sports class, even if it’d have been useless since I couldn’t use my damn arm.”
Kumi giggles.
“Then you don’t seem to have grown up this much!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” he tries to sound offended, but all he does is chuckle.
“You know what I mean! You’d still try to play soccer even without a foot – in fact, you’ve already tried playing with a sprained ankle, I remember that!” She calms down and points to another, this time much lower. “Oh, and this one?”
Shun has trouble remembering how he ended up with this one. It’s a smaller one over his ribs, far from the much cleaner, clinical one on his shoulder. He’s gotten injured enough time that he’s starting to lose track of which scar was made by what incident or how recent it actually is.
This one should be familiar, no? It’s on top of his ribs. Did he break a rib? Most certainly, he’s for sure bruised some multiple times, because running fast and loose means tripping on your laces. It’s awkward, though, how his own body confuses him, and especially now that someone is asking about it.
“I don’t really know,” he ends up admitting, not without a layer of shame. “It’s been a long time and I don’t know how it came here. Probably got it while playing around or something.”
“Oh, I see.” She does sound let down, which sucks ass. “It’s fine! You’re already really kind of replying to my questions.”
His cheeks feel a lot hotter.
“It’s no big deal,” he spits out.
He puts his shirt back on without adding any other world.
A vigorous volley of knocks at the door of the clubroom prompts them to both turn their heads around.
“Nitta! Manager! What are you two still doing in there?!”
Goddammit, that’s Ichijo.
“Coming, coming!” He yells out. “We should get outta here before they suspect something.”
She nods and gets up, giving him her hand – which he gleefully takes.
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spacecadetspe · 4 months ago
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A snippet from last year...
Jul. 20, 2023
I had a nightmare rather early last night.  It started with an argument with Fortitude about my regular ups and downs.  He doesn't like seeing me cry, just as I don't much like seeing him depressed.
He asked me a couple days ago about my favorite modern orchestral composer and conductor, Joe Hisaishi (iykyk), and where his music takes me.  At the time, I told him it was a place of wonder and joy and comfort... and then I realized with a start exactly what I meant: not here.  Not the world that continuously tries to beat me down, no matter how hard I fight.  And I started crying because the world I live in just became too overwhelming for a moment, and I was tired of carrying its weight.
So he came to me last night, after I had a lovely day walking the dog, making candles, and piddling around in my sketchbook, and told me he wasn't sure what we could talk about when just about anything might "trigger" me.
I took a few minutes to think about it, as well as to get him a bowl of made-from-scratch curry that I'd put together for us, and finally went back into the fray.  I told him it wasn't his responsibility to tiptoe over my traumas, and that, yeah, I was probably going to cry occasionally.  It's not always a problem that he can fix, and sometimes all I need are his hugs (which he sells himself far too short on).  And no, it doesn't fix things, but I feel supported and loved, and that gives me the strength to keep fighting.  I would be more than happy to talk out what started the episode; but the last thing I need is for him to think it's personal.  I lost my grandmother, two of my best friends, my job, and the trust of one of my closest advisors, all in under a year.  None of my emotions are his responsibility to deal with.  
I told him that I don't like when he's depressed, either.  I tried to convince myself that it's because I care, and I want him to be happy, but the truth is it makes me uncomfortable.  And it makes me uncomfortable because I have grown up as a people-pleaser (i.e., without boundaries) who perennially attempts to placate the chaotic people and my life.  I had to sit with that discomfort until I realized that his emotions aren't mine to deal with, either.  And yeah, it sucks to know there's nothing I can do to make it better, but I'm here for him, and when/if he tells me there's something I can do, then I absolutely will.
I lay down and tried to go to sleep, but... it didn't work out.  I had a nightmare that I was looking for W in the parking lot of a cheap buffet he loves.  I had the notion that he was either inside the building and had been waiting for me for some time, or X and his girlfriend had driven away with him in a faded green classic car.
My solar plexus and sacrum cracked under the weight of that terror, and I woke up.  It took me for-damned-ever to go back to sleep, it was so painful.  I honestly don't recall if Phobetor was involved, but... if it was, then why?  Did I need the experience, and I just wasn't fully healed?  Was he trying to hurt me again?  Did he want to try to dream with me the way Morpheus does?  I don't really understand... and I don't want to jump immediately into feeling resentful.
But... if I'm honest, it's probably best if I let these feelings peter out.  Fortitude mentioned that I might be attracted to Phobetor for the same reason I was attracted to Hades; sheer magnetism.  And really, I'm pretty sure I don't need a consort who tries to hurt me repeatedly.
I just... don't know what to do with all these thoughts.  I don't know how I should resolve any of this.  I don't want to dislike or resent Phobetor, not when I've spent the last three years and change getting close and being affectionate with him.  It's true I'd like an explanation, but it's not like that's going to heal me.  In the end, all it does is help me determine how I should treat him in the future.
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pesterloglog · 10 months ago
Text
Dave Strider, Dirk Strider, Jake English
Meat, page 5
DAVE: bro im watching you on the tube and i gotta say
DAVE: while the beatdown you just received was as thorough as it was humiliating im afraid as usual the solution to this problem should probably not involve your decapitation
DAVE: you fucking drama queen
DIRK: Damn.
DIRK: Are you sure?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: jake just kicked your ass
DAVE: thats really all there is to say on the matter
DIRK: You’re probably right.
DIRK: But still not entirely sure we should be so quick to rule out my beheading as a catchall solution to any given problem.
DIRK: It really could save us all a lot of trouble in the future. Especially me.
DAVE: its really amazing how this meme we have going here continues to be exactly as funny as the day it was established
DIRK: Isn’t it always though?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: by the way
DAVE: how DID you get your ass kicked so bad
DAVE: jake sucks and his raps are fucking awful
DAVE: please tell me this garbage show is as rigged as it looks
DIRK: Dave, there’s such a thing as showmanship.
DIRK: I’m sure I don’t need to explain this to you, of all people.
DAVE: ok cool its fake just making sure
DIRK: Sigh.
DIRK: We really don’t like to use that word.
DAVE: lmao ok
DIRK: Holding back a little to achieve certain results doesn’t necessarily mean you’re participating in a farce or rigging the event.
DIRK: We do this all the time. We hold back our thoughts, our true feelings, our full potential. We disguise how much we know about what and when, for many purposes. To ease relations, to let others behave naturally and make up their minds without undue intervention. To wait for the right moments to show our hands, to pick our battles.
DIRK: In life, there are many reasons to show restraint, which would never be regarded as an attempt to rig reality.
DAVE: oof
DAVE: my dog you are full of some SHIT today arent you
DIRK: Absolutely.
DIRK: And when it comes to theater, there are just as many reasons for restraint. To build tension. To set the stage. To give the people someone to root against.
DAVE: is that what youre doing now
DAVE: making people root against you
DIRK: What, by losing a round? No, man. That’s just standard pacing stuff when it comes to battlecraft.
DAVE: no i mean by holding up the whole fight by talking to me
DAVE: i can see you on tv
DAVE: theyre booing you dude
DIRK: Oh.
DIRK: Then yes, I guess that is what I’m doing.
JAKE: Dirk are you going to be much longer with your telephone call?
JAKE: The crowd is getting feisty... you didnt get too badly winded from our last scrum did you dirk?
DIRK: Haha, no Jake. I’m fine. I’ll just be a minute.
JAKE: What about the agitated rabble? Theyre starting to throw things.
DIRK: I don’t know. Do a dance or something. Sing a song.
DIRK: They love anything you do.
JAKE: Ummm.
JAKE: Ok sounds stupid but ill try.
DAVE: why do you want people to hate you so much
DAVE: its fucked up
DIRK: You’re reading way too much into it.
DIRK: If I wanted another round of embarrassingly indulgent and mutually masturbatory psychoanalysis, I would have called my daughter instead.
DAVE: hm
DAVE: do i need to point out how fucking weird what you just said was or can that start going without saying at this point
DIRK: I think it can go without saying.
DAVE: nice
DIRK: The point is, playing myself up as a villain figure in this hacky rap pageant has nothing to do with getting people to dislike me. Besides, everyone loves a good villain. When they boo, they don’t really mean it.
DIRK: I think you’d be surprised by how popular I actually am.
DAVE: i dunno man
DAVE: did...
DAVE: did someone just throw a diaper at you
DIRK: There’s gonna be some diapers, yeah.
DAVE: sounds bad
DIRK: The point is, this is much less about me, and more about providing a foil for Jake’s heroism and charisma.
DIRK: It’s very important that his popularity continues to be cultivated, to maximize his political capital.
DAVE: political capital
DAVE: what the fuck are...
DAVE: ok how long have you known about the jane thing
DAVE: i mean is this something you have been planning for like
DAVE: a long time or
DIRK: Planning is such an intense word.
DAVE: god damn it
DIRK: Look, let’s just say there have been some conversations.
DIRK: Does that meet with your approval?
DAVE: jane is a shitty candidate dude
DAVE: shes going to be so shitty
DIRK: I thought you’d feel that way.
DIRK: I respectfully disagree.
DAVE: i get shes a good friend of yours and all but even you have to admit how far up her own ass she is
DIRK: Of course. I consider it to be among her best qualifications for the job.
DAVE: christ
DAVE: ok if nothing else have you at least taken into account the DEVASTATION to the economy this will cause???
DIRK: You know perfectly well how much we differ on fiscal policy.
DIRK: Maybe this isn’t the best time for one of our epic debates on the subject?
DAVE: yeah what was i thinking
DAVE: wasting the time of the dude currently holding up a televised rap contest so bad hes gettin diapers thrown at him
DIRK: Dave, I think if you search your soul, you’ll come to the same conclusion I have. Jane is just what this planet needs.
DIRK: We’ve all had our fun here, but it’s easy to overlook the fact that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition.
DIRK: Just beneath the surface, it’s quite a dangerous and unstable place.
DAVE: i know that
DAVE: which is why actually i think it would be cool to have a president that is good instead of bad
DIRK: He’s not as great as you think.
DAVE: what
DAVE: who
DAVE: obama??
DAVE: how dare you
DIRK: No, fool.
DIRK: Karkat.
DAVE: oh
DIRK: I think your heart is in the right place, but the dude is a complete amateur.
DIRK: He’ll get eaten alive. I also have a hard time imagining he even wants the job.
DIRK: Really, it’s an awful idea for him to even run. Think about how much it’s going to inflame the interspecies tensions on this planet. Is that what you want?
DIRK: I’m happy for both of you, really. It’s nice that you encourage and support each other in this way. But you’re sending him on a fool’s errand which can only end badly.
DAVE: wait
DAVE: how do you even know hes entering the race
DAVE: we like just decided this
DIRK: A competent political operative has his ways.
DIRK: Besides, it was always pretty obvious to me you’d react this way the moment the announcement was made.
DAVE: ok thats kinda creepy i guess but it doesnt change anything
DAVE: hes running for president and hes going to fuckin win end of story
DIRK: Fair enough.
DAVE: though now im wondering
DAVE: since you and jane have been planning this for a while how many key endorsements have you locked up
DAVE: cause if youve already got jake on your side then i guess we might as well just fucking quit
DIRK: I wouldn’t worry about that.
DIRK: He and I don’t quite have the rapport we once did.
DIRK: He’s “over me” and doesn’t spare opportunities to make ostentatious demonstration of this claim.
DAVE: um
DIRK: Basically he doesn’t like being told what to do. Especially not by me.
DIRK: So it’s fair to say as of now, he’s still fully in play.
DIRK: Not that I should be encouraging you, really.
DAVE: you are one doubletalking son of a bitch you know that
DAVE: i cant tell if you dont want us to run or are reverse psychology mindfucking us into running
DIRK: Does it matter?
DAVE: i guess not
DAVE: not like i can just stand around and wait for president crocker to like
DAVE: write fucking grammar laws into the constitution
DIRK: Good.
DIRK: That’s a heroic attitude to have, which I’m pleased to hear. Even if your plan is stupid, which it is, and even if Karkat would be an atrocious president, which he would.
DAVE: nuh uh
DIRK: Sorry to cut this short, but diapers are starting to come down pretty hard right now, and some of them haven’t even had their babies removed.
DAVE: what
DIRK: That was a joke.
DIRK: Goodbye, Dave.
DIRK: Sorry for the momentary diversion, Jake. Now where were we?
JAKE: Momentary??? Gadzooks man you were on the phone for half a friggin hour!
JAKE: I know you like to get the crowd all hot and bothered but we are supposed to be professionals here!
DIRK: You’re right, my bad. Won’t happen again.
DIRK: How about you kick off the next round?
DIRK: I bet this crowd will settle its shit right down the moment you drop the latest rhymes you’ve been tinkering with.
DIRK: You know the ones.
JAKE: Gasp.
JAKE: You dont mean...
DIRK: Oh. But I DO.
JAKE: Tally ho its me, jake mcgee!
JAKE: Popping my pistols off, two shots and a kiss
JAKE: My aim is tops, i never miss
JAKE: One shot to the heart and the other to your lips
JAKE: Im heedless
JAKE: You cant impede this
JAKE: While these cads are all hat and very little cattle
JAKE: Cattle so weak one fears they might be feedless!
JAKE: As i prattle and digress you try to make your egress
JAKE: In the middle of the battle, but surely ye jest?
JAKE: FIDDLE FADDLE!
JAKE: My rhymes are known to bring the rattle
JAKE: I rattle those bones right down to the bit
JAKE: Im a mellifluous old chap who knows how to take a hit
JAKE: Im the tip...
JAKE: Tip top of the morning!
JAKE: A rip roaring halt to your snoring
JAKE: Like pouring butter on bacon
JAKE: Their hunger awakens!
JAKE: All the rascally scalawags
JAKE: And dastardly jackanapes
JAKE: Always ask of me, mate what is shaking?
JAKE: With golden gas pipes such as jake-eng’s
JAKE: Im dodging their shade and ducking their jape-slings
JAKE: While my rump stokes a thirst that my rhymes have been slaking!
JAKE: When the splendid lads and ladies ask me “how do you do?” i -
DIRK: Whoops. Jake, sorry to cut you off...
DIRK: Looks like I’m getting another call. Really need to take this one.
DIRK: Gonna have to wrap this battle up sooner than scheduled.
DIRK: Yo Rose, what’s up?
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shaaaaaaar · 1 year ago
Text
names are assholes and i’ve cornered myself T^T
>my name is mystery
>i decided that i also vibed with lee and having a normal sounding name is useful
>”hey guys i use lee/mystery”
>literally everyone ever uses lee
>the name mystery becomes anxiety for me bc nobody uses it (“what if people think its stupid bc the moment they get a chance to use something else they take it” + it sucks when people dont use both names yknow) its so atypical so its hard to use anyway (employers and transphobia and shit)
>i trick myself into thinking lee is just as fine as mystery
>i go to college
>week 1 i realize im lying to myself i dont like lee much
>this feeling of dislike only grows. the dislike is now hatred. it is genuinely uncomfortable now.
>i realize that actually wait mystery fucks still i was right the first time
>too scared to say “please stop calling me lee” to 75% of people because now lee is so ingrained everywhere and despite knowing i use both NOBODY USES MYSTERY
>ive somehow trapped myself into a second fucking deadname, except i chose the damn name this was by my own creation
>also realizes i still should get a normal name that employers would like and transphobes wouldnt kill me over that isnt mystery
>every name is wrong and bad. im starting to think its mystery or bust.
>but going by mystery is hard because ive barely been able to tell people i genuinely hate the current alternative, i immediately out myself as queer doing so which safety concerns, and if i say i use two names EVERYONE WOULD USE THE SECOND NORMAL NAME
>part of me is afraid that id also hate mystery if i use it in school despite two years of highschool not being a problem, and that id get shit if i changed my name in the system to mystery despite people probably not caring much
>i think im fucked
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withloveajaxx · 2 years ago
Note
for the ask game!! cinnamon, mauve, blush, fuchsia, lavender, umber, razzmatazz, safron YES <3
IVE MISSED U TOO ☹️💗 & TELL YOU EVERYTHING?? OMG OKOK (it’s mainly me being sad tho bc life is unfair)
I’ve been doing alright, the two times I moved blogs tho,, it had to do w personal problems & some people had the audacity to send in asks that they rlly shouldn’t have bc it made me so damn uncomfortable and it was not helping w my current state so I left :,) THE SECOND TIME I LEFT WAS ALSO BC OF MY PROBLEMS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE and everything was going downhill and I needed a break + people were still making me uncomfortable w their asks (turned them off before I left again) I had accidentally deleted my only moots blog which I had to replace but using the same url (@yonayie pls my layla theme was so cool I miss it) I then deleted my other blog and moved here!! away from the trolls!! and weirdos who can’t comprehend the fact that I’m a minor!!
I spent my Christmas and new years on the verge of tears, it was not fun 😭 my house started flooding on Christmas and it scared the shit out of me!!! & on new years?? i cried bc 2022 was an ass and sm happened it was terrible & we didn’t set off fireworks like we used to so that sucked :,)
school has been a PAIN. I’m a complete loner so that makes everything harder 😭 & my math teacher? literally how did he get hired he cannot teach to save his life he’s so unfair too it’s CRAZY HNGJSJWIJE the only way I get a passing grade is if I self-study and do rlly well on the end of course test in april (which is getting dangerously close im not ready) I dislike my drama teacher 👨‍🏫 I’m okay with my environmental sci teacher + history teacher theyre chill 🤞the workload is manageable so I think I’ll be able to get all of my credits most def!!
oh oh my birthday is on the 27th!! yes this friday pls im not sure if I’ll be able to do anything for it but if not it’s okay <3 (it’d be the 3rd year not celebrating it which is why I’m so chill abt it that’s so sad 😭)
wow omg that’s sm word vomit pls!! why has my life been so depressing I cannot!! i just hope this year doesn’t treat me as badly!! PRAYS 🙏
okay now ur turn TELL ME EVERYTHINGGG <33 (everything that u can ofc 💓)
STOP WAIT,,, I INSPIRE YOU??? HELP WHY DOES THAT MAKE MY DAY WTF YONA PLEASE ILYSM 💗💗
also omg that's a lot that happened in your absence,,, FIRST OF ALL, i will willingly beat up life and people for you i swear,,, those weirdos better watch out for these hands >:((. secondly, i'm sorry that school, christmas, and new year were a pain in the butt :((. i hope everything gets better for you!! and ofc if you need anyone to talk to, i'll do my best to reply mwah 🫶
AND OMG okay what's been happening in my life,,, i'll put this under a cut so ppl don't need to scroll for too long HAHDJXJSJD
OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL... COLLEGE APPLICATIONS. good god those humbled me HAHDJKDKSD LYK I AM ACTUALLY STUPID 💀 the one i recently took was so fucking hard it was not even funny,,, like they put shit i've never learned, heard of, or saw and it was HORRIBLE. i was literally guessing everything math related please pray for my future </33 HAHDJDJKD.
ALSO!! I GOT INTO KPOP MORE AGAIN HEHEHEHE. i recently went to a concert of one of my favorite groups and holy shit. i cried. like so many times. HAHDJCKDF IT WAS CRAZY GETTING TO SEE THEM IRL AND I JUST AAAAAAAAJSKCIISJD 😭😭 i'm also seeing another group next week,,, MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE ONE. and i shit you not i am not mentally or emotionally prepared to see those men up close and on stage HSJFKDKDD
also yea school was a bitch 💀 tons of freeloaders and horrible teachers but yk what,,, i got my report today and i passed so it's okay HAHSJFKKDD. also i'm graduating soon and that's kinda scary n idk how to cope but yes 😭 i'm just hoping for the best and giving it my all HSHDJKKFF
BUT THAT'S BEEN ABOUT IT FOR ME,,, HOPING 2023 IS GOOD TO US <33
also nah i'm making sure your birthday will be somewhat special <33 gonna hold a tumblr party n give u a lil something I SWEAR 💗
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ofblemishwithin · 11 months ago
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JJ wasn’t the one barking up the wrong. Nor was he the one getting super defensive now. It was adorable to witness Maia trying to suggest she had no interest in him. Did you hear how quick she responded as if it was insane she might be intrigued by me. I was only asking because she appeared to be icked by Kie, who was only throwing daggers as a form of protection towards me. Us pogues are protective of each other; we liked to wear walls up. We only counted on each other. And as far as I was concerned; I wasn’t remotely worried about the idea that the brunette might find me attractive. I was flattered; but I wasn’t the one that got defensive now; nor was I the one that got flustered. 
Keeping my thoughts to myself for now, I racked my brain on the best way to mercifully tease the female. It was cute; the retorts, the pretending she cared what I thought. Taking a glance behind me where Kie was wiping down a table a few down from us, I mouthed the words “ I’m okay.” As a means of relaxing her; watching her shoulder fall I knew that was my cue. With a teasing expression laced against my features. “ It’s funny, I’m not the one being so defensive over the idea. Which pegs me to believe you might have been jealous.” Pausing as a chuckle left his lips. “ It’s cute, the fact you do think I’m not bad looking, Something tells me you enjoy this cat and mouse fun we have going on. I don’t hate you, speciafilly. I hate your kind, the kooks that believe we amount to nothing. Maybe once you prove you aren’t the suck up kind, the entitled assholes like Top, maybe I’ll trust you. Until then I’ll let you appreciate my good looks but no way in hell would I be interested in a kook.” 
It was harmless, also as a means of putting Maia in her place again. She was a damn pain in the ass; too curious about me for her own good. She was pretty beautiful even; but JJ wasn’t going to fall for the mess that John B roped us up in. He fell for a kook suddenly and now we were friends; but Sarah was different; she proved herself by choosing us, and yeah JJ probably could be kinder. He could use his charm and play nice. But what was the fun in that? He powdered in his mind. Glancing down to the textbooks at hand; his fingers tapped aimlessly against the pages. A knowing expression, Maia was barking up the wrong tree, was she not tired of the insults? Was she not tired of my dislike for the kooks? The sinister tones; the insults I spat out; she already wanted to meet again. And JJ surprised himself when I easily said. “ we can eat here, and work on it more if you want.” 
JJ didn’t want to eat with her; but considering his own options. He either stay here at the Wreck where it was safe, where he was okay surrounded by people. Or he could venture home where his dad was probably drunk on his ass and waiting to put his dirty hands on me. A slap, a new bruise, and the pit in my stomach formed, I couldn’t walk back into it. So for JJ; he’d rather face it out with Maia then go home to his dad; a deadbeat. A huff exhaled from his lips as he slowly turned around to eye Kie to flag her down. She’d help me pay, or sneak me the free stuff as if I had money waiting in my pockets.
Paths intertwined
@thehellsakook 
Outer Banks; it was made up of two sides. The rich freaks that lived on figure 8 and the pogues which were known as the people that had to scrape by. JJ was neither; well he was a pogue; it was his known family. But he wasn’t the guy that had people looking out for him. He had a dad but he was far from the father figure you’d picture in your mind. He was the guy that scraped by, with working on boats; that helped the rich across the town in order to make the ends meet, but he was also the dirty guy that tended to feed off any person that was willing to toss him money. 
JJ witnessed it first hand; the poker nights growing up. The smell of beer that stayed within these walls. The lack of food provided. JJ knew he had to count on himself. It’s why John B, Pope, and kie and I all stuck together. We helped each other when we felt in a bind. Kie was able to help more considering she lived in the big house; she was a kook yet she liked slumming it with us. She didn’t care what her parents said, all the warnings based on the rumors. It was always kooks vs the pogues what could I say? JJ though he had to fend for himself; he was the one who walked around at night; waiting for the wreck to close up; and Kie would help hand out any extra food the restaurant had. He didn’t like asking for help nor would you hear him say the words. But the pogues knew; his dad he was unreliable, the only person he could count on was himself. 
It was another start to a another school year. One JJ was dreading, he knew in order to make it life you had to learn. YOu had to sit through each boring class. He was his own kind of smart. He could pick up on cues, he could pick up on the simple concepts; but when it came to applying himself he froze. He rather let Pope do the work; and he’d feed the notes of each subject to him. Pope was the brains of the pogues; he was the school scholar that wanted to go to an ivy league school, and I had no doubt in my mind he’d make it. But me; I was barely getting by. John B had the smarts like myself; his quick thinking. But would we amount to anything? Heck no. All that in mind; JJ had pushed the simple supplies of a notebook, a few pencils into his backpack. Using his hand he zipped it; as he heard the calling from the windows. 
“ JJ Man let’s go.” John b neither of his friends dared to stay inside especially when his dad’s truck was parked outside. He had pulled the strap of his bag over his shoulder. Taking his gray baseball cap he brought it to rest over his sandy blonde hair. A pair of shorts he wore; an an old white T-shirt, simple was all the teen did. He closed the door to his room and made his way through the small home. He paused when he saw his dad head facing down against the arm rest of the couch. Same old day; he was passed out probably from his work last night; or the money he managed to trick out of his so called buddies. I had to roll my eyes as I took the keys for the boat; for after school. Tucking the key into my shorts pocket. I had stepped through the swinging doors spotting Kie and Pope. Eyes moved to try to find our missing friend; the one I had heard inside. Ducking my head down; I had felt a pair of arms wrap around my neck from behind. “ Took you long enough.” John B, I had used my hands to push behind me; in order to push the male down. 
This was us; joking around; laughing on the walk to the dreadful day at school. I never cared what anyone thought; the pogues were my life. The only ones I truly cared about. The walk was a bit longer compared to figure 8, as we stepped onto the pavements we caught sight of the sport cars, of the fancy cars; you’d dream of riding in. I had to roll my eyes; just another day. Topper and Sarah and their crew were hanging out by the small wall before the stairs. We had shrugged our shoulders as we passed. Stepping one at a time on the stairs until we walked right into the building. 
Pope and Kie had walked the other way as John B and I did our hand shake an agreement to meet at next class; math my worse. I had science first; the male ducked his textbook under his arm as he walked the distance to the class. Cap blinding his eyes from making eye contact with anyone. He had found a spot in the third row; the desk in front of him as he placed his book down. His legs in front of him. Hand had moved to rest on the edge of the desk when he spotted the brunette from the sports car; a kook. Figures. To his surprise she was directed to sit next to him; oh great, cue the roll of his eyes. JJ had barely acknowledged her. “ Ah okay.” As if I was giving out my name to strangers; attention drawn to the teacher as if I intended on paying attention.
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knpjpr · 3 years ago
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fucked up. | jjk sm au
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⇆series: #fake
⇆main ship: gamer!jungkook x student!reader
⇆genre: angst, angst, and angst and then some fluff
⇆word count: 4.5K (unedited)
⇆warnings: theres cussing, unprotected sex, (wrap it up smh.) riding, dirty talk, tension between yn and jungkook, slut shaming, taehyung x lou ;), taejoon friendship confirmed, jimin and yoongi fight, jungkook and yn fight, everyone is messy tbh
⇆ a/n: if you'd like to be added to the taglist, send me an ask + time stamps are in this part for a reason
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Yn ; October 31th | 11:21 pm
The minute you and Lou are entering the house, everything is in full swing. People scattered all around, some at the bar table filling their cups with whatever type of booze they could, others dancing, playing beer pong, and much more that you knew Jin would throw a fit about later.
Lou is parting ways with you, automatically walking her way to the booze table and pushing some guy you’ve never seen over as you make yourself home to a space on the couch. Lou looked pretty, just like your dark angel costume, she’d placed herself in a white version, the curve of her body showing nicely. She was indeed a pretty angel.
Taehyung is the second person who you see tonight, walking up to you with the same smile you’ve known since fifth grade. “Care if I join you?” He’s noticeably a vampire, the corners of his mouth leaked with fake blood as his red contacts contrast with the costume.
“Sure, Lou went and ditched me… as usual.”
He’s laughing, the only sound that made you feel comfortable in this crowded house full of people you’ve seen but never made the time to get to know. The two of you had finally been able to talk after a long time and it was nice. You and Taehyung were good friends and you hoped it stayed that way.
“I like your costume.” He says, taking a quick glance over at your outfit, but deciding that if he looked any further it would make you uncomfortable.
You’re smiling at him this time, settling into the party as your side tucks into his. “You want something to drink?” Nodding slowly, Taehyung is standing up and walking towards the bar table.
It had been a few minutes of you sitting there when you decided to walk around the place. Loud music with people’s chatter to overlap with it. You easily are swinging past bodies, trying to find Taehyung’s figure who wasn’t at the bar table any more. It wasn’t until you feel a hand on your shoulder when you are close by the backyard sliding doors that you stop. “Hey.”
You turn and there Jungkook is, red solo cup in hand, and a smile placed on his face as your heart pounds. He looks hot, black hood over his head with clown makeup decorating his face, his jeans ripped like always. His costume was simple, but even so, still made your heart race.
He had been waiting to see you all night, got here early due to Namjoon’s request to get out the house and help, and so seeing you here made his heart happy, made him happy.
He’s taking a long glance down your body, swallowing hard when he notices that you aren't wearing alot to cover your figure, parts of your body like your cleavage and thighs on full display to him. “Like what you see?” You tease as he frowns down at you, which has you laughing, unintentionally placing your hand on his chest.
His gaze softens the minute your touch is all he feels. “Why don’t we go somewhere quieter?” He asks, watching as you move closer to him every time someone pushes past you. “Sure, follow me.” You say as you slip your hand into his and start leading him past others, not noticing the blush that rises on your cheeks.
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Namjoon ; October 31th | 11:37 pm
Namjoon was a tall.. a little too tall handsome guy, to which he had found out by the longing glances he would get from girls and even so guys. This was not his usual thing, never had himself at a party so he was determined to find someone he knew and hang with them for the majority of the night.
Slipping past a few people, he’s coming into sight of Taehyung, choppy brown hair displaying in messy waves as a red solo cup had been accompanying him for the night. Namjoon is walking up to him, dimples on full display, which has Taehyung splitting his gaze from something to him in an instant. “Yo dude, like your costume.”
Namjoon did not plan to go all out for this simple halloween party, and seeing as Jin told him that it was a costume party, he opted to dress up as his future career. He wore a bright orange nasa jumpsuit, one that his mom bought him per his request. He wanted to be an astronaut and sure hell this kid could do it.
“Thanks.” Namjoon takes a seat beside Taehyung, finally realizing that his attention wasn’t on the 5’11 tall ass guy seated next to him, but rather on a shorter girl who’s doe eyes were scanning around the kitchen.
Namjoon recognized her almost instantly, didn't even have to question it by the way Taehyung is sighing hard. “When has she looked that pretty, and why am I just realizing this.” He blurts, Namjoon not knowing if he’s talking to him or to the air that this party didn’t have enough of.
“Why don’t you talk to her?” Taehyung cocks his head in Namjoons direction, an unrecognizable look on his face. He had been watching her the minute he assumed you found Jungkook, his gaze not being able to falter at all from her direction.
“I don’t know man, I don’t want to fuck up our friendship.” Taehyung admits, he didn’t know whatever the feeling that he felt right now was. But he did know if he were to explore it, he could possibly fuck it all up.
“Well, you never know. That’s why they are called “leaps of faith,” namjoon shifts in his spot on the couch, watching as the girl they had been looking at is startly approached by another figure. “You never know. If you don’t go, others will.”
Taehyung doesn’t need to be told twice, getting up from his seat the minute the girl’s face crinkles in uncomfortableness at the other unknown guy. Taehyung didn’t know what would come out of him and Lou, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t ignore how he felt at that moment.
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Jimin ; November 1st | 12:03 pm
If there was one thing Jimin knew, it was that costumes at Halloween parties are not mandatory. He very much disliked dressing up in some tacky costume, like a couple who had just walked past him as a firefighter and a dalmation. Fucking lame.
Instead, Jimin dressed hot, dressed in clothes that he wore all the time, but for Yoongi, it made his heart pound and Jimin knew that. Could tell all just by the way Yoongi would take long glances the whole ride to Jin’s and would constantly suck in air the minute Jimin is softly brushing against him.
Jimin had been seated on one of the bar stools in the den of Jin’s house, carefully watching as Jin and Yoongi go at it in a round of beer pong. Yoongi was losing terribly, his attention too intertwined with the blonde that was sitting comfortably behind him.
Jin’s turn was next, only had three more cups to go before Yoongi was completely plastered, which meant that Jimin would have to drive them home. Yoongi was already starting to become drunk, the smell of booze making Jimin’s nose crinkle in a cringe. Drinking was overrated.
Jin takes one of the balls in his hands, angling his hand as he squints before chucking the ball, the sound of a plastic ball hitting liquid making Yoongi groan. “F-fuck man.” Yoongi grunts, slipping the ball out of the cup before tipping the cup up to his lips and chugging the rest of its contents.
Jimin watched with distaste, Jin smirking widely before waiting for Yoongi to try his shot with the remaining eight cups left on Jin’s side. “Man, I think it’s far to see I've won.” Jin says taunting but Yoongi glares hard at the older male. “You, you shut your big lip ass up. I can do it just fine you f-fucker.”
Yoongi reaches his hand down into the small basket full of ping pong balls, grabbing the plastic orb and trying to copy Jin’s movements, but failed with a drunken stance, the ping pong ball bouncing off the table and onto the floor.
“S-shit.” He groans, Jin smirking as Jimin rolls his eyes. There was no way that Yoongi was going to win and it was starting to annoy Jimin because he was sitting here watching him just drink and drink.
Soon enough Yoongi was sipping down his last drink, proving ultimately that Jin won fair and square. “Damn dude, usually you beat me. Must be my lucky day.” Jin laughs out and Jimin slips off from the bar stool. “I’m going to go get me some water.”
Yoongi being completely plastered was a bad thing. Not only was he extremely clumsy but he was ill-tempered and acted rash and right on the spot. So the minute he’s coming to the conclusion Jimin’s leaving him behind, he’s turning fast and accidentally spilling the remainder of booze on Jimin’s clothes.
“Fuck! Baby I didn’t mean to.” Yoongi says, not paying attention to the looks people are starting to give the minute they realize what just left his mouth.
Jimin didn’t care about his clothes, but what he did care about was Yoongi just outting them out. Outting him out. Yoongi had been trying to wipe away the stain with his hand, not even understanding that wasn’t how it worked.
Jimin slapped his hand away, Yoongi’s face forming into a frown as he realized Jimin was pissed. “Don’t fucking touch me.” Yoongi finally realized around him that people were watching, looking back at Jimin.
And here came the ill-temper that Yoongi had when drunk.
“Are you fucking embarrassed of us? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
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Yn ; October 31th | 11:42 pm
You had found no one occupying Jin’s guest room, slowly leading Jungkook inside and locking it so no one could come busting inside and interrupting the two of you. Which was usually drunks and or people looking for places to fuck.
Jungkook sat on the end of the bed, his usual man spreading pose coming into your line of sight. It makes you blush, having to stop yourself from being anymore of a fool that you could possibly be.
“Hey, you can come sit too.” Patting with persistence you’re sitting down with a slight giggle that has Jungkook smiling back at you. He had noticed the blush that placed your cheeks, his starting to burn.
“You’re blushing.” You blurt out, that has Jungkook flinching as a slightly irritated look was on his face. “You’re the one who’s blushing.” He says, eyebrows furrowed as you look away from, trying to cool down your face.
“It’s because of you,” he speaks out, his straightforwardness never faulting in his personality. You turn your head to face him, face bright red with doe eyes piercing his gaze. “It’s because of you that is making me blush.”
At this moment your heart is beating fast, his body shifting closer to yours as you swallow hard. Jungkook has always been clear cut, always knew what he wanted, but when you came along, his dynamic changed. He wanted you, and he wanted to prove it.
“Tell me if you don’t want to.” That’s all he says as he waits for your response. Your heart almost about to burst out of your chest. You wanted this, for him to kiss you again and to be wrapped up in just him. “Go ahead..”
That is all you had to say before his lips are in the space of yours, hearts beating at the same pace together. His hand slowly creeped up and intermingled with yours. Your stomach filled with butterflies, his warmth and smell surrounding your senses.
The next thing you knew, you were spread out on the sheets of Jin’s guest room, Jungkook’s flushed face and deep breaths as he doesn’t know what he wants to do first. “I don’t have a condom.” He says, because obviously he didn’t think he would be over your naked body like this, about to fuck you like this.
Your response is filled with shyness, the fact you’ve never let someone look at you like this, and because he didn't know he looked so adorable at this moment. Hair standing up every which way, eyes hooded, and cheeks pink. “You can continue..”
“Is this your first time?" He asks as though that should be the response to what was about to happen. You can't help the giggle that tumbles from your lips, gesturing along to his slightly shocked face. "Yeah, it is." 
He's coming over to you, looking you in the eyes as you slightly bite a hold on your lip. "Ah, uhm okay. I’ll be gentle, just tell me if anything is hurting." He talks distractedly as he investigates your body and you can't tell if he’s nervous or just doesn't know what he’s doing.
Whenever he's settled on his decision, he's moving to lay over you once more, your legs spread out towards him. Going to press another kiss to your mouth, however you're halting him before your lips are contacting. "You can chill too, you know? I don’t expect this to be perfect." 
He’s nodding his head, before sitting up and pulling his shirt off his head, which was the last article of clothing that made the two not fully naked.
"How about you ride me," An idea that plainly flew into his head, however he's finishing, moving back and onto his back. You couldn’t help the blush that crept up on your face the minute his hands came in contact with your waist, placing you above his torso.
He’s moving to align himself perfectly with your entrance, a slight moan escaping from your lips the minute you're slowly slipping to be seated on him. He groans, his hands coming to make a place on your hips. You didn’t know what to do at first, this had been your first time, and it wasn’t like you were taking notes on how to be fucked.
It was the way he would moan differently that had you figuring out a better pace for the both of you. His head had been placed back into his pillow, at an angle to where he could watch how your tits would bounce and exactly how your wetness would pool down onto his dick. “God fuck baby, you feel so fucking good.”
His words rolled off his tongue with such ease, you hadn’t been uncomfortable at all by his dirty talk. And he knew that just by the way your walls would clench and a longed out whine would slip past your lips. If you did that again he probably would have cum right then and there.
His hands held a tighter grasp on your hips the minute you were placing your hands to rest on his chest, your hips rolling at a quicker pace, his dick rubbing up and down on your walls. “Fuck..” His tip slips back as you bring down your hips back onto him. 
“Yeah baby, just like that." He praises, voice stressed as he feels his cock jerk somewhere inside you. He's not even sure where you learned this, because plot twist you didn’t learn it anywhere. Your pussy fixes around him at the finish of his words and it pushes him to the edge, making him throw his head back again.
It’s when he’s feeling his high coming that he’s moving your back, your chest pressed to his as he’s moving his legs and thrusting into your pussy. You moan loudly, his nails digging into your hips as your hands are tangled in his hair. Lips finding each other as you could feel your climax reaching too.
He doesn’t stop his fast thrusts until your moaning non stop, the feel of your nails digging hard into his hair, legs shaking uncontrollably as the two of you are hitting your climax. The sound of his moans mixing with yours as the only person you thought about was him.
His arms stay around your body until the roll of your hips transforms into little jerks, gasped breaths hitting his neck which has him smiling softly. His neck cranes so he can get a decent glance at your face, a fucked out smile on your face. “Damn, dick that good?” He teases as he feels a huff pressed to his skin.
You're fast to turn in his arms, scrunching your nose as you gaze toward him. "You suck, you really looked hot in that costume," He laughs loudly at that, as he rests his nose in the crook of your neck. You're immediately loaded up with warmth as his arms wrap themselves around your waist. He wanted nothing but to stay in this moment with you.
An all around recognizable feeling starts to pool in your stomach. It was beginning to get harder to contain your complete infatuation with Jungkook, to hold yourself back from falling excessively fast. The way he had been holding onto you gently, drawing circles with his fingertips, and even humming softly, you knew you were fucked.
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Yn ; November 1st | 12:37 pm
Soon enough Jungkook is slipping away from your grasp, checking the constant notifications dinging from his phone which made him shoot up from the bed and hurry up to put on his clothes.
“Woah- Is everything okay?” You ask, pulling the sheets with you to cover yourself. Jungkook could see the worried expression on your face, “Yeah baby, don’t worry Hoseok needs me down stairs, Jimin and Yoongi are fighting.”
The minute you are hearing his words, you have to digest. First, he called you baby and boy did you like it, and second Jimin and Yoongi were fighting? You were shocked, hurrying to get out of bed but Jungkook is stopping you.
“No. You stay here okay? I’ll come back after it’s all done, it’s just so you don’t get hurt.” That’s all he says before he’s rushing out of the room leaving you with a shocked and worried feeling.
It had been about twenty minutes and Jungkook still hadn’t come back, so you decided that you would go see what was going on by yourself.
Walking down the stairs in one of Jin’s hoodies and shorts, you heard a lot of yelling, but most importantly crying. Slipping through a few people your heart almost broke at the sight.
Jungkook had been holding back Yoongi as Hoseok and Jin did the same with Jimin, Yoonig’s face streaming with tears, eyes red and nose bloodshot. “Why the fuck are you so scared huh?? Am I nothing to you?!?” He screams, trying to claw out of Jungkook’s hold as Jimin’s eyes are just as hurt as Yoongi’s are. “I never said shit about that Yoongi! I just wished you would have given me time!”
Yoongi can’t control what he’s feeling at that point, tears still streaming as he’s still trying to fight his way out of Jungkook's hold. “You’re my fucking boyfriend Jimin?! Why is that so hard to accept??” Everyone is shocked as Jimin breaks down. You had never seen Yoongi so hurt before, never seen him cry and sure as hell never seen him interested in someone. Jimin doesn’t even look Yoongi in the eyes before he’s leaving, slipping past people who were recording, tears streaming through both of their eyes. Yoongi screams after him, begging him to stop walking and come back but Jimin doesn't and you could tell it broke Yoongi more.
Soon enough Jin announces the party will continue and for no one to panic as him and Jungkook lead Yoongi up towards his room, trying to calm down the crying guy with every walk.
You needed something to drink after that, today was a lot to process and a drink from whatever was in the bottle that was in your hand would suffice. “Now bitch, boy do I have some tea to spill for you.” Lou’s voice rang from beside you, a bright smile on her face.
She instantly notices you’re in Jin’s clothes, but decides that she’ll ask you about it later, but first she needs to tell you about what she just experienced. “Girlfriend guess who just kis-” She doesn’t even get to finish her sentence before someone is walking up.
Lou steps beside you the second her personal space is being invaded, the look on the guys face nasty and uncomfortable. “I’m glad I finally found you again, I never got to ask your name before that one guy came.”
From the way Lou shudders and the way he talks you can tell she’s met him and doesn’t want to again. “Listen dude, she’s not interested.” You speak up, but the guy doesn’t take his hint, a sour look on his face the minute you’re interjecting.
“Listen bitch, why don’t you go get fucked somewhere else alright?”
He’s motioning towards Jin’s clothes, a ping in your chest the minute you realise he just slut shamed you, an instant feeling of discomfort coming through your skin. Lou is seconds from saying something before Taehyung is stepping behind the guy and coughing loudly.
The guy falters, looking over his shoulder and swallowing down. “You know what? I think my friend just called me.” No one gets to say anything before he’s walking fastly away, a worried expression on Taehyung’s face. “Yn? You alright?”
You couldn’t move, the minute you are hearing the concerned voices of Lou and Taehyung has you unintentionally crying. Taehyung doesn’t know what to do when he sees this, softly reaching out and grabbing a hold on your arm and pulling you into a hug.
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Jungkook ; November 1st | 1:13 pm
Jungkook helps Jins put Yoongi on his bed before he’s walking across the room into the guest room and being hit with emptiness. He rushed downstairs and looked across the house only to see people going back to what they were doing.
It’s when he looks toward the kitchen that he sees you, but what he sees makes his thoughts run loose. He couldn’t deny that since the day he had proposed to “fake date” that maybe you still thought of it like that and even so, liked Taehyung.
He was pissed, pissed because now he was convincing himself that you played him, pissed at himself for slowly falling for you when he shouldn’t have. He’s walking over towards the kitchen area and clawing you out of Taehyung’s grasp. “Man what the fuck.” Taehyung frowns hard at the younger guy, but Jungkook isn’t looking at him.
“I think it’s time to end the deal.” Jungkook seethes through his teeth, his jaw clenched as you looked confused. Lou and Taehyung were confused behind him. “Jungkook why are you ups-” He doesn’t let you finish, the grip on your hand tight. “I was stupid to think you liked me, but you know what that’s what I get huh? I mean I was the one who suggested for you to fake date me to get over Taehyung for Lou. But even still it looks like Taehyung likes you over her.”
“You did WHAT??” And that’s when shit hits the fan. Jungkook’s eyes widen the minute he realizes what he’s said, Lou scrunching her fists around the cup she had in her hands, liquid spewing out.
“What a load of bullshit.” She doesn’t even look at Jungkook, her cold gaze directed towards you. You had seen this look before, always toward her mom or her brother when they severely pissed her off, but now it was directed toward you for the first time.
“I knew it was all fucking weird. But you two seriously took me for a fucking fool huh? I can’t believe this is what you do behind my back.” You were scrambling, trying your best to not break down. “Lou it’s not what you think-” She doesn’t let you finish either, grabbing a bottle of alcohol and throwing it on the floor, breaking it. “So this is the kind of friend you take me for!!” She looks you dead in the eyes, before turning around and realizing that Taehyung had heard Jungkook’s words. She couldn’t do this, turning around fully and running away, out the house or somewhere in the house, just anywhere away from there.
You push your way out of Jungkook’s grasp, making him realize that he fucked up the minute that he’s watching your back, your figure running away and out the house. You had just lost your best friend and the guy you were falling for all in one night.
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↫ masterlist ↬
— "first loves have always been confusing, but when you're bestfriend confesses she likes someone, your willing to do anything, even fake date and even so, find your first love."
⇆a/n: if you want to be added to the taglist, send me an ask - (if you aren’t being tagged. turn notifications on)
TAGLIST: @pjmriri @yoongiofmine @shatzkrinslinzki @sereni-soo @avke @betysotelo18 @she-is-dreaming @jkslachimolala @rageyoudamnednerd @teti-menchon0604 @peachy-skz0325 @shreyuuu @pvt-only @lovelytaes-blog @awseokjin @girlwiththeglittereyeliner @tanumiki
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negasonicimagines · 3 years ago
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Tell Me I'm Not Funny
Request: darkandmysteriousbutheartofgold!ellie and wholesomeanddoesn'tunderstandwhyelliedoesn'tlikeher!reader where they're both part of the friend group but ellie just thinks reader is straight and messing with her pls
Notes: I don’t usually write MCU!Peter, so if he comes up in any future fics (like as the reader’s stepdad 👀 I’ve loved spideypool longer than I’ve loved Negasonic) you can safely assume it’s Andrew Garfield. But, for this time, this is MCU!Peter. Everyone in the friend group is 18-20, just to be clear.
This really isn't my best work, but it's a fun little slice of life piece. A lot of my ideas are pretty cinematic, I can picture them in my head but sometimes those pictures don't really translate into words. I may revisit this one day.
Warnings: D-slur (reclaimed by Ellie in one line), allusions to prior assault (an unwanted kiss that could've been more had another character not stepped in), and that's about it. Oh, and a little swearing, but this is an imagine for a character from Deadpool. If you can't handle swearing, you're on the wrong blog.
Synopsis: You’re into Ellie, but she’s with your good friend Peter. She treats you like you don’t even exist, and in the few instances she does acknowledge you, it’s usually just to make some sarcastic remark. You’re head-over-heels, though, and decide to deal with your unrequited love by writing her a song she’ll never hear.
“Fuck, that movie was terrible,” Michelle groans. “I’m just glad it was a matinee show and we didn’t have to pay as much to see it.”
“The special effects were good, but can’t Disney just leave stuff alone?” Peter agrees.
“Next thing you know they’ll be making a live action Toy Story, as if the original wasn’t traumatizing enough. I don’t want to imagine Watermelon as a sentient being. She’s seen some shit,” you snicker.
“Who’s Watermelon?” Ellie asks with a dark chuckle, and you clam up. How had you forgotten she was here?
“Oh, uh, nobody.”
“Don’t tell me you still sleep with a stuffed animal,” she snarks. “You really do need to grow up.”
“Don’t be mean, Ellie,” Peter protests.
“Watermelon is cute, everybody likes cute things!” Yukio adds.
“I think a live-action Toy Story could be cool,” Ned says. “It’d look really good if they did stop-motion animation.”
“Oh, you’re right!” you chirp. “It’d be quite the undertaking, but it would look badass.”
“I think you’re using that term a little loosely,” Ellie grumbles, and you have to stop yourself from frowning, instead you laugh it off. Why does she always pick on you? Sure, she’s got a witty remark for everybody, but she’s way harder on you. It hurts, she really is so gorgeous and funny and mysterious and everything you want in a woman, but she acts like she can’t stand you.
Ellie and Peter head off together, Peter still hasn’t gotten around to getting his license and Ellie seems happy to give him a ride. You really don’t stand a chance.
You and the others pile up in MJ’s SUV for some late-night band practice.
“I don’t know if I can do it,” you admit to Yukio in the furthest row back.
“You can,” she insists. “You’re a way better singer than Lola, anyways.”
“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to give her the wrong impression, I-”
“For the millionth time, Y/N, you didn’t. If she hadn’t left the band, we would’ve kicked her out. Not just for cheating on me, but for hurting you.”
“I guess,” you sigh. “Why can’t you sing instead?”
“Because I’m flat.”
“Yukio, breast size doesn’t have anything to do with singing ability, you’ve just gotta practice,” you joke.
“Shut up!” she giggles, punching you in the arm. “Plus, when you sing, the songs are being sung as they were written. We’re getting the real feelings.”
“Speaking of… I have something new I’m thinking about sharing tonight. Do you mind if I text you the demo?”
“Ooh, a first look! Hell yes!”
You text her the audio file and she puts in a wireless earbud, nodding along. Her smile gets wider and wider as she listens, and when she’s done, her assessment shocks you.
“Oh my gosh. You’re into Ellie.”
“What?!” you squeak. “No way!”
“You are! But, uh-”
“Don’t even say it. I know I don’t have a chance in hell. She only tolerates me for the sake of you and Peter.” Despite the gloominess of your tone, Yukio gets a mischievous glint in her eye, it confuses you. But, that’s just Yukio. Her thoughts are all over the place; she and Ellie balance each other out that way. They dated a couple of years ago, but it didn’t work out. They decided they were better off as friends.
“Screw that other song, we’re using this as the lead single. Everybody’s gonna love it, do you have the sheet music?”
“Yeah, uh, it’s in my bag.”
“Awesome.” Yukio’s grinning like she’s won something. Is the song that good? “We’ll have to practice this one a lot, we definitely need to have it ready by the concert this Friday.”
Right. Liz’s 19th birthday party. Apparently Peter had convinced her to let the band play, it’d be cheaper than hiring a more established artist.
“Our first paying gig? I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” you remind her. She scoffs and rolls her eyes.
“We’re mostly gonna be playing covers of Liz’s favorite songs, and she only has so many. We’ve gotta beef up the setlist with originals, and this is perfect! Has that pop-y fun vibe, it’ll fit right in.”
“Yeah, but if it’s that obvious how I feel about her after one listen-”
“Only because I already had a hunch after Daft Pretty Boys,” Yukio clarifies cheerily, and you sigh.
“Fair enough.”
The gang makes it to Michelle’s house, travelling down to the side door and going into the basement from there. MJ’s parents have encouraged her creativity from day one, and were ecstatic when the band was formed. You speculate that they’re mostly happy that she’s made friends. Writing and photography can be lonely hobbies.
“Y/N has something new for us!” Yukio chirps.
“That fast?” Ned’s surprised as you hand him the sheet music. He skims it. “Holy shit, this is a wicked solo! Thanks, Y/N!”
“Well, I’m hoping highlighting everybody else’s talent will disguise my lack thereof,” you chuckle.
“Don’t be stupid, we’ve all heard you sing backup,” MJ says. “You’re Ryan Ross, she’s Brendon Urie. I’m just glad we booted her out before she decided she was gonna be the only pangolin in The Pangolins.”
Everyone laughs at that.
“Let’s try it,” Michelle continues, and everybody agrees. After a sound check and a few runs of the song, it’s still clumsy, especially on your part. You’re not really used to playing and singing at the same time, outside of backup vocals, which require far less focus.
“I suck,” you mumble, but it happens to be into the microphone.
“You don’t!” Ned insists.
“With that attitude, we’re not going anywhere,” Yukio says. You hate it when she gets to the tough love stage of her support. You wish she’d stay in the shallow reassurances stage, it’s easier to brush off. “You wouldn’t be the lead singer if we all thought you sucked. We would’ve just put an ad in the paper. You’re awesome, get over it!”
You sigh.
“Fine. Thank you.”
“Say it,” she insists.
“I’m awesome,” you huff, it’s hard not to smile when Yukio tries to look serious.
“Damn straight,” Yukio says. “Or, I guess not, considering that was about Ellie.”
“Yukio!” you squeal.
“That’s about Ellie?!” Ned exclaims.
“Obviously,” MJ scoffs, fiddling with her tuners.
“Is it that obvious?!” You can’t help but feel embarrassed. Ellie probably knows exactly how you feel, maybe that’s why she dislikes you so much. Her boyfriend’s stupid friend has a crush.
“Wait, but at the beginning…” Ned trails off, before laughing. “Oh my gosh, I get it.”
“Get what? Oh… Y/N, have I ever told you how much I love you?” MJ asks.
“I- I love you, too?” You’re puzzled by their words, but you’ve got enough on your plate.
“Let’s go ahead and practice some of Liz’s favorites while we’re here,” Yukio suggests. “It’s a pretty big set list.”
You practice until dinner, getting a pizza and deciding to make a night of it since it was a little late for Michelle to be dropping you all off at your assorted residences.
You all sleep on a pallet in the basement, and despite your worries, you manage to get some rest.
Over the next few days, The Pangolins practice at every free moment, until it’s finally time for the party.
“So, just pictures of everything?” Oh, shit. She’s not supposed to be here. How are you supposed to sing that song with her here?
“Yeah! I know with how many people are coming, I’m probably not going to get as much time as I want with everyone, so pictures will be a good way to remember the night.”
“Why not just invite less people?” Ellie wonders.
“I want all my friends to be here,” Liz explains. “How’s the sound check going, Y/N?”
“It’s going great,” you say into the microphone, demonstrating the quality and volume with a smile. “Thanks for letting us play here tonight.”
“Well, Peter said you guys are great. Are you really gonna debut your best song so far tonight?”
“Oh, um,” you stutter, stepping away from the microphone. “Maybe not.”
“What? Oh, come on, please, it’ll make the night even more special! You’re playing covers of all my old favorites, sing me my new favorite!” Liz presses, but she’s not being demanding or bratty, she seems genuinely excited.
“If the birthday girl says so, who am I to say no?” you concede. Hopefully Ellie will be too distracted taking pictures. “You have way too much faith in me.”
“If you don’t quit with the self-deprecation, I’m gonna duct tape your mouth shut,” MJ interjects.
“But, Daddy, how will I say my safe word?” you tease, giggling at your own joke with the rest of the group. Yukio’s laugh seems the loudest. Ellie glares.
“We should practice a song!” Ned suggests.
“Ooh, a private show!” Liz seems excited.
“Any requests?” you ask her. Ellie’s resting scowl intensifies. If she’s more pissed off the more you open your mouth, you’re not sure how she’s gonna survive a night of you singing without going nuclear.
“Oh, oh, Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne, please?”
“You’ve got it,” you agree.
The song goes smoothly.
“What happened to the old singer?” Ellie asks, clearly unimpressed.
“You didn’t tell her?” you ask Yukio, grateful for the excuse to turn away from the sharp-tongued girl you adore.
“Didn’t want her to get the wrong impression,” Yukio explains. “She already makes enough rude comments towards you.” Yukio leans over her drum kit to give Ellie a pointed look.
“Oh, wait, shit, I didn’t mean it like that. You, uh, sound good, Y/N.”
You can’t help but whip your head back to look at her with a flabbergasted expression.
“What?! It’s true,” Ellie defends herself.
“Uh, yeah, but you just said something nice. About me. Liz, do you mind checking her for a fever?”
Liz obliges for the sake of going along with the joke before quickly withdrawing her hand.
“Jeez! I know you were kidding, but she’s burning up,” Liz declares.
“My internal temperature is higher due to my mutation,” Ellie quickly explains, looking a bit bashful. “Besides, I say nice shit about Y/N all the time.”
“No, you don’t,” the whole band says in unison, including you.
“Well, clearly I shouldn’t if everyone’s gonna make a big fucking deal about it,” she retorts, rolling her eyes. “I’m gonna go get some pictures of the decorations before there’s a bunch of fucking people here to block them.”
She stomps off in her heavy boots, and The Pangolins get back to work, putting on the final touches and making sure all the blocking looks right.
Soon enough, guests start flooding in, and Liz zips around to greet them, eventually meeting up with Peter and keeping him with her. He and Liz eventually pull Ellie away from her picture-taking, confident she’s done enough and needs to just relax and enjoy the party.
So much for distracting herself with work, she thinks.
They sit on the couch and eat, the dining room was monopolized by The Pangolins due to its elevation and space.
Ellie’s mesmerized by the way your fingers move until she hears Peter talking to Liz. They really are a cute couple.
“You really do need to hang out with us. Yukio told me Y/N thinks Ellie and I are a thing,” he says.
“Gross, you’re like my annoying little brother,” Ellie remarks.
“And you’re like my bitchy older sister,” Peter retorts with a shit-eating grin.
“Both of you, quiet! They’re about to play the new song. You’re in for a real treat, Ellie.”
“What does it have to do with me?”
Liz gives Peter a confused and slightly irritated look.
“I haven’t said anything to her, I didn’t know how,” Peter squeaks, blushing a little at the look in his girlfriend’s eyes.
“Explain, quickly,” Ellie demands.
But, then you start to sing again.
“Y/N-” Peter starts.
“Shut up.”
“But you asked-”
“I said, shut up,” Ellie insists.
“You know me as your boyfriend's goofy friend. I seem to have this effect on women, and your friends aren't as goofy as I am. I try my best to keep you entertained, always laughing at the jokes you are saying. I nod my head when you make a point, oh oh…
“Kiss me, kiss me with your eyes closed! Whisper that your heart shows all I want is you, yeah, you… Hold me, hold me I'm your bunny! Tell me I'm not funny, tell me I’m legit! ‘Cause I feel weak, in your hands and your feet… A precious end, I’ll never feel your touch…”
Ellie continues to listen to the song, all expression drained from her face. All the yearning in the words and your voice, all you want is…
Ellie looks at Peter, who’s looking at her with a triumphant smile.
“I told you.”
Ellie feels like she’s about to faint. She notices you’re talking to Liz— when did she leave? —your hand over your mic. Despite the knowledge that Liz is taken, Ellie gets jealous. You look so happy to be talking to Liz, to just about any girl you talk to.
She wishes you’d smile at her that way.
You nod at whatever Liz said, and the band starts packing away their instruments. Liz sets up her phone on some Bluetooth speakers, and songs that sounded so much better when you were singing them start to play.
No! Ellie internally protests. Sing for me again, please, sing that stupid song about how you think I don’t like you.
Yukio’s dragging you somewhere. Gosh, Ellie wishes it was her holding your hand.
Suddenly, though, you and Yukio are approaching her. She knows what she has to do.
“So, what’d you think of our- Eek! Finally!”
Ellie parts from the kiss to tell her to fuck off and not ruin the moment before kissing you again.
“Holy fucking shit,” you breathe. “Uh, I thought you were-“
“Dating Peter?! Seriously?! Do I need to write ‘dyke’ on my fucking forehead? I practically already have with the way I dress and act and-”
“I, uh, I try not to make assumptions,” you mumble, fingers touching your lips.
“I’m, uh, sorry for not asking.”
“No, it’s- It was good. I’ve wanted you to do that for a while. It’s just that that was the first time somebody’s kissed me, since, uh…” Your eyes dart to Yukio, who’s ruffling Ned’s hair and laughing.
“Yukio?!” Orange flickers in Ellie’s eyes for a moment, but she keeps it under control.
“No, no, of course not, uh… The old singer, Lola. She and Yukio were dating, but apparently I was the one she really had her sights on, and… She was entitled. Thought that because she wanted me, I must want her. That wasn’t really the case, I was already pining over you. Didn’t stop her from forcing a few kisses on me and trying to go further. If Yukio hadn't shown up early with cupcakes, I don’t know what would’ve happened.”
“I am such an asshole,” Ellie says softly. “Can I kiss you again? The right way.”
“I’d say what you did before was pretty right, but sure,” you consent.
Her kiss before had been rough, needy, and impatient. Just the way you like it. This, though, this is gentle, soft, and exploratory. You tangle your hands in her hair and kiss her harder. She moans into the kiss before pulling away, bewildered.
“That was…” Ellie trails off, trying to find a positive adjective that won’t sound to frilly or lovesick.
“A mistake, wasn’t it?”
“Oh, fuck, no. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she corrects you. “Just- Didn’t really know how. Even when you were kinda flirting with me at first, I just thought you were messing with me, so I- I am so stupid.”
“So am I,” you scoff. “I thought you were dating Peter.”
“I was spending a lot of time with him, but… I was just using him as an excuse to avoid you so I wouldn’t embarrass myself anymore. And I was asking him for advice. I figured if he could land somebody as far out of his league as Liz, maybe I stood the slightest bit of a chance with you. But I kept fucking it up. I’d just get so nervous, all of my compliments would turn into insults, all of my teasing turned into straight-up cruelty. I don’t know how you actually like me.”
“I’m a little bit of a masochist, I’ll admit,” you tell her. “I’m really glad you don’t hate me.”
“I’m really glad you don’t hate me,” Ellie replies, but she can’t help but think that what she‘s really saying is ‘I love you, too.’
She takes your hand, and you two rejoin your friends, swept up in a group hug. They wanted this to happen almost as much as you two did.
138 notes · View notes
sen-ketsu · 3 years ago
Text
⚠️WARNING⚠️
SMUT, CURSING, NSFW
If this makes your uncomfortable
PLEASE DO NOT READ.
A/N- hange has no confirmed gender. I used the pronouns she & they. But mostly she.
Hange // Shower talk
“Have you made your mind up my dear?”
Hange sits next to the window, on a seating cushion, clenching her luke warm coffee mug, that had “I ❤️ Titans ” written across in black cursive writing. Her rings tapping the side, glancing out the window watching raindrops race with each other. “I’m contemplating if we should, it’s always been on my bucket list.” you rub your hair in distress, searching in the refrigerator for some water. Hoping their maturity would cope so they could get an understanding.“Ive never done it with my previous relationships.”
Hange loudly cackles at you with no shame. You felt mocked & embarrassed,even though she meant no harm. Sometimes they can play extremely too much. Although,Hange was always down for anything. As long as you were comfortable they was fine with it. Hange was amazed that you had to ask or suggest about it. Usually one of you would take control over the other.
“Y/N as long as we’ve been together you’ve never TALKED to ME about doing anything in the shower.” She resume to cackle, shedding multiple tears. But in actuality she was extremely jealous. The look in their eyes was a look of disturbance and she acting nonchalant about it was hilarious.She was always an open person to new conversations and disliked when you hid anything from her. “This is why I don’t talk to you about shit like this.” Taking a drink out of your water bottle leaning on the kitchen counter facing her.
“Don’t be like that, I was just joking.”
Her nostrils flared in and out, anxiously fiddled with her rings. Her exhales got louder and noticeable. Trying your best not to laugh, she gets up from her seat, standing in the middle of the room. With her hands tucked in her pants pockets staring at you. Leaving her mug near the window,“If we’re gonna do it my darling, we have to do it before noon, Levi and Erwin are coming over.”
“For?” you swish the water bottle around. You’ve told hange many times about inviting people over without you knowing. Especially if you were going to do stuff like this before hand. “Some amazing Studies,I can’t wait to show them” “The time is already 11:27am.”Hange wandered behide you, smacking your ass. You jump up to the stinging of the slap, it was sensational. It was that good type of pain. “Go ahead and get in the shower while we still have time.” Walking away you could feel her sneering smile pasted on your back. The worst part, you guilt tripped your way to the bathroom, closing the door. Turning on the shower water & adjusting it to mildly hot. You strip naked, beginning to shower. After several minutes have passed. Hange knocked on the door, “Are you ready my dear?”
“Yea I’m ready.”
Hange swings the bathroom door open, and gets settled. Removing her rings, & her glasses putting on the bathroom counter. She undresses herself, joining you.
With the shower water hitting your stomach, hange starts massaging your neck. Moving her thumbs in a circular motion feeling you flench when she massages a certain spot.
“It’s this knot in your neck that I really wanna get … I can feel it.” You rotate your neck around so she could get rid of the consistent pain you’ve been having for the past week. She stops, turning you around facing her, caressing your breasts. She squeezes them watching them bounce. Squishing them together. Flicking your nipples, watching them get hard.
“Your having a little too much fun hange.”
“Of course! because look at them.” she snickered. “This one is my favorite.” pointing to your left breast. You honestly agree with her. Both of you stare at each other in silence.
“I wanna make this experience memorable.”
She devotedly places and curls her left hand around your neck, using her pointer finger to lift the side of your face up. Backing you against the wall under the shower head. It was gentle, but at the same time sudden. You couldn’t tell if you liked it or not. Hange ponytail fell down due to the water shooting out on her.The bathroom got foggy quickly.
You move your right leg on the shower door balancing on your left.
“I’m glad you know how this goes.” Rubbing their hair back.
She passionately kisses you, intertwining her tongue with yours. Stopping every other few minutes watching the visible saliva connected to both of your tonuges. Hange penetrates two of her right fingers inside of your warm pussy, her movements were like rhythmic waves. Forcing herself up against you, removing her hand away from your neck, gladly rubbing your arm. Sucking & kissing your neck leaving multiple dark hickeys all the way to your lower neck.
You sputter how much you enjoyed it.
“You like that … mhmm”
Her raspy deep humming started a tingling sensation in your lower stomach that you couldn’t resist. Her devious smile, biting her lower lip watching you give in to her madness. You grab her wrist, plunging her fingers deeper inside of you.
“I want m-more.” you entreated.
“I have plenty of fingers … you know that my love?” Hange natural voice echoed in the bathroom like the two of you were in a cave. Just hearing her made you want to excite her more. Her rhythmic finger movements became a more merciless rhythm.
“fuck hange-“ Swallowing felt like a pill was going down your throat. It was scratching the back of your mouth making it hard to talk or even moan. You ride on her fingers, adjusting yourself. Chills scattering all across your back. Sweating profusely.
“You want me fuck you faster? Hm?” she sweetly pointed out. Adding her third finger.
“ h-ang … ha-“ wailing out her name you couldn’t fully say. “H-ang … ha” she teased, “Does it hurt?, Tell me how it feels.” Her fingers matched with her words. You were numb, crying out to hange to stop, eyes rolling in the back of your head. Shaking with every pleasure & pain. Hange dirty-talk was unsuitable.
“Excited!?, hang on a little longer.”
“Damnit, hange-“
“God, I love experimenting with my fingers.”
She adds another finger, pumping faster inside of you. Losing your balance she lifted your leg up to keep you focused. You were high off sex you wanted every bit of it. Your swollen clit couldn’t handle her sex talk anymore. “Shit” you panted. Hange exits your pussy, watching your body fluids slosh on the shower floor. She rewards you with many kisses on the side of your neck.
“Good girl.”
She turns off shower,
“I hope you enjoyed yourself.”Tossing a towel on her head. The doorbell rings, “damn already noon?”
“Mhm, I’ll ask them if they wanna do a foursome.” Hange laughs, skipping out bathroom into her bedroom to put on some clothes.
“I hope so.”
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sorry-i-ship-drarry · 3 years ago
Text
Mr. Obnoxious and Mr. Bossy
Dialogue Prompt No.2- " Try not to die " request by @everlydream | Sorry for taking too long| Fluff ( sort of )
“So i got a new mission report “ harry fake grinned in success as he entered his shared office room 
“ oh is that so, what’s it about this time, missing cat?”draco raised an eyebrow at Harry in a returned sarcasm
“ oh no, no, that is your department, if i end up taking your work you’d be unemployed “harry tilted his head to the side with narrowed eyes and a fake smile
“ Well at least I don't steal credit, “ Draco rolled his eyes. Harry immediately reduced the distance between them, snapping his hand over the desk “ i did not steal the credit, he just happened to credit me for it “
“ And you didn’t deny, that is stealing the credit “ Draco taunted. 
“ whatever you want to believe, i know the truth “ harry flatly replied 
“ Yeah, like you stole my credit, “ Draco taunted again. Harry sneered at him, blabbering gibberish in the childlike argument. Draco chuckled as soon as Harry left the room with his case report file,mumbling to himself as an old lady.
They were enemies, of course, the one’s that had unknowingly been pining each other over for years and were obviously unaware of any said feelings and pretended every time that their hearts didn’t race whenever other entred the room, but every single one of their friends knew and had even tried teasing them about it but had always stayed in a state of denial. But then at the end, they weren’t enemies at all, they were just two oblivious people attracted to their so called nemesis. 
As the days went on harry’s case report became more dense and called more for his attention, his time, resulting in him hardly spending time in his office and as much Draco enjoyed having the shared office room to himself, he kind of waited for harry to walk into the office and have the tiniest of arguments but that didn’t happen; Draco pretended he was fine with everything and proudly told everyone how much he enjoyed not having harry being a pain in the ass. Pity what the actual truth was. He could almost get used to not having Harry around once he gets the promotion he was bound to have but he found himself slightly displeased with the inevitable fact, it was almost as if he enjoyed having Harry around and rolling his eyes at him if he was ever clumsy and tease him for being the chosen one, he enjoyed the little quips every once in a while even when he didn't mention it to Harry. It was almost like he came to the office everyday just so he could pull Harry’s leg but ever since the case report, he had entered to a very lonesome office and he found himself staring into space a lot and more frequently at harry’s unused desk. He wondered if that’s what’d it be like once Harry actually gets promoted, whether he’d visit him casually or would he just be situated in the other wing of the office that he’d only pass by Draco’s wing if he ever needed a junior to talk to or get to the shitty canteen and if he’d ever come to tease Draco or not. It was sort of empty in the office since his report and he had not so subtly asked some colleague about harry’s whereabouts and learnt that he stayed more in the field and would disperse home as soon as his work was done. It sort of made Draco furious and he didn’t understand why, even if the answer was right there inside of him but was dodging off the truth because he was either too scared of it or he felt that it was unethical. He also learnt that harry started remaining in the other side of the office building because of the library a lot and old case reports office because he needed old files and Draco only wished to see Harry again, even if it was an eye roll, to him it’d be a relief to know that his unknown ritual of rivalry wasn’t all broken even when it recently felt forgotten. Draco was upset about it even if he didn’t admit it to anyone or even to himself but he most definitely was. 
Upset and frustrated, he found himself not so subtly lurking around the library for 3 days just so he’d see harry even if he internally hated himself for it, he just reminded himself over and over again that he wanted to see that stupid round glasses idiotic prat, just once and so with not so much success he finally ran into harry. 
What he didn’t expect though was harry to just offer a smile and pass by him swiftly into another section of the library. Draco was planted with shock as he watched harry busying himself in the other section, it was almost too frustrating that without having a trail of any thoughts, he stomped behind Harry into the aisle he was in. 
“ Already sucking up people’s ass for promotion ?” Draco crossed his arms in front of his chest watching harry’s face turn into an amused reaction. 
“um, excuse me but what i’m doing is called working so i can actually take credit for my own work, also, yeah i talked with Jenna, she’s gonna credit you for the Simmon’s case “ harry genuinely smiled at Draco then again dug into his works. 
Draco huffed annoyingly as he took a few steps closer to harry. 
“ Since you’re still standing I’m assuming you need something from me ?” harry raised his eyebrows at him. 
“Well- if you had to be stuck with being a two goody shoes, you could’ve cleaned up your desk, its an absolute mess and its driving me crazy and i wouldn’t do it for you and you know that “ Draco rolled his eyes accusing him with pointed finger. 
Harry smiled amused before he nodded “ i’d stop by the office after hours and clean it up if its such a mess “ 
Draco chewed the inside of his cheeks “ that’s be great “ 
“Okay “ Harry replied and went back to reading again whilst Draco almost turned around to go back when he shut his eyes and turned around with a whip. 
“ And i also want don’t want your favor in getting the credit. I can get credit for my own self, i don’t need your help” 
Harry frowned “ Okay then “ 
Draco watched as Harry again went back to reading and he wanted to go back but his feet were as if fixated to the place and he didn’t feel as if he was quite done just yet, so he spoke again “ and one of my file is missing, so you better check in your pile of mess and return it back to me” 
Harry frowned again, sighing this time “ i said i’ll clean, alright. What’s the name of the file ?” 
Draco froze trying to think of how to reply to his made up lie that would seem true enough so Harry wouldn’t figure out the actual reason he was here. 
“ It’s uh- the file with- Amrontentia side effects “ 
“ You really need it? It’s a pretty old file, don’t you think?” Harry countered 
“Yes- but I need it to sort my files in alphabetical order “ Draco stuttered.
Harry nodded " fine, If I find it, I'll give it to you "
And Harry was almost back into his reading when Draco interrupted him yet again that Harry shut his book and arrogantly looked at Draco " you done or is there more to your life I've somehow messed up ?"
Draco frowned almost wanting to tell him another lie but instead what came out was "you've stopped coming to the office "
Harry blinked his eyes shut before he reopened them again " and that is a problem because ?"
" be-because of the- because it's occupying a space for someone who might actually use it" Draco lied
" Fine, I'll change my office then, that's what you want ?" Harry sighed
" no " Draco immediately denied
" Then what is it that you want because you're clearly just standing here making up a bunch of bullshit " Harry frowned at Draco holding an expression of inability to gather Draco's intentions.
"I- " Draco swallowed " it bothers me that you stopped coming to the office, it's just empty"
" it's not Empty Draco, there's you-"
" yes, but there isn't you " Draco slumped down a little bit in exaggeration.
Harry frowned at Draco until his confusion turned into a soft laugh " And you have a problem with me not being there, thought you Always wanted me out "
" Well, yes but- I don't know. I just- it's empty and I sort of hate it being Empty because then I have no one to taunt to about the mess because you're not damning there " Draco sighed frustratingly
"Wow, I did not know it bothered you so much, guess I'll try to come and stop by then,whenever you're in the office then " Harry smiled amusingly at Draco.
Draco rolled his eyes " yeah, sure that's what I want. I don't know even know why I tried "
He had turned around to walk away when he pulled by the back of his shirt, almost collapsing into Harry's chest.
" You miss me then " Harry teased now facing Draco.
" I don't miss you, I just dislike that your obnoxious ass isn't in the office room anymore " Draco rolled his eyes to hide the faint blush of embarrassment hitting him.
" isn't that just a fancy sentence to say you missed me ?" Harry teased,again, this time stepping closer to Draco but enough to maintain the distance.
" I didn't miss you "
" you're blushing Draco, of course you missed me " Harry chuckled
" I'm not blushing " but he so was.
" come on, you lurked around here for 3 days so you could find me. Admit it Draco you missed me " harry laughed.
Draco swallowed the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from forming a smile and posing an eye roll again to lie " I did not lurk so I could find you, I just happened to be here- because I needed a book. So Harry James Potter, I did not miss you "
" You just used my entire name, you only do that when you're lying-"
" I do not " Draco narrowed his eyes
" Yes you do. You do that when you're lying to me " Harry grinned
"Fine, whatever you want to believe " Draco shrugged, his back hitting the shelf behind him as he crossed his arms in front.
" Oh yes, I do believe you missed me, you just don't want to admit it that you missed me " Harry pointed
" I did not- Merlin, I did not miss you-"
" it's okay Draco-"
" but I did not miss you " Draco snapped lightly
" then why are you here ?" Harry asked raising his eyebrows knowing Draco was lying
" because of all the reasons I told you before " Draco emphasised.
Harry looked at Draco for a couple of moments before he stepped back, his hand defensively raised in the air as he shrugged "Alright then, I'll sort those things out "
" yes, you do that and we're sorted " Draco agreed. Harry nodded in head in agreement and placed the book back in the shelf leaving Draco alone to walk away or just silently be there watching harry.
In his humongous ego, he had almost walked off but he wanted to say one last time " just for the record I didn't miss you"
" alright, I know that now " harry shrugged.
" good " draco bobbed his head in confusion of how easily he dropped off the topic and decided to walk when something didn't feel right and he Walked back to harry.
" I really didn't miss you " Draco furrowed his eyebrows at harry as he was scanning the shelf for another book.
" yeah, I know that " Harry nodded.
" yes, I didn't-"
" Draco if you keep telling me the same thing over and over again, I'm pretty sure I'll assume you want to kiss me " Harry smirked.
Draco's mouth dropped open in exasperation as he said " I do not " but the blush that rose up in his cheeks was very much evident.
" alright " harry smirked, nodding at him and this time turning to face Draco " kiss me then and prove me that you don't want to "
" what? That's just- absurd- I don't want to kiss you " Draco replied in mocked shock not being able to believe that Harry had said something like that.
"Seems otherwise " Harry shrugged.
" what- no- you know what, I will prove you then that I so did not very much wanted to kiss you " Draco replied with each step taking closer to him and stood just before him, grabbed his collar and kissed him over the lips.
" there, I proved you, I didn't want to kiss you" Draco breathlessly replied after the kiss.
" seems like you wanted to otherwise you would not have kissed me " Harry smirked
" You just-nmph-" but the words were forgotten as this time harry leaned in and kissed Draco like he had always imagined it to be like. It wasn't chaste or soft or hard or rough, it was perfect as it was, appropriate and comforting. It was what it had to be and what they'd always imagined it'd be like yet it left them utterly breathless as minute by minute it grew more rushed and harder with Harry's hand against Draco's back pulling him closer and Draco's still loosely rested on his collar.
In erratic breathing when they separated, Draco immediately pressed his head against harry's neck, blushing furiously and faint smile pressed upon his lips.
" Seemed otherwise didn't it " harry mumbled with a smile.
" yo- you're still obnoxious " Draco replied putting his head from Harry's neck and looking at him with a smile.
" you're still bossy " Harry countered.
Draco rolled his eye but for once it didn't matter. It Didn't matter what quip it was or how sarcastic it was, the only thing that mattered was he finally kissed Harry.
" my case ends in a couple days, you can stop missing me then and I have field work tomorrow " Harry teased, his hand still around Draco's waist.
Draco rolled his eyes " Try not to die "
Harry chuckled a little too loudly in the silent library that Draco had to put his hand over his lips to shut him up.
" and you wonder why I hate you " Draco whispered rolling his eyes playfully.
" you don't hate me, you just kissed me " Harry whispered back grinning.
" if you're gonna boast about it, then we definitely shouldn't do this " Draco raised his eyebrows at Harry.
" please, I just kissed Draco Lucius Malfoy, I am gonna wear a sign saying that "
This time Draco chuckled " you're an idiot "
" an idiot you Just kissed " Harry teased again.
Draco shook his head with a smile " an idiot I just kissed "
Harry stared at Draco a little too fondly for a few moments making Draco blush harder for being stared at " stop staring "
" Let's go on a date " Harry blurted.
Draco should not had been surprised by such a sudden ask but he was " Okay "
" you choose the place, I'll pick you up " Harry added.
" okay " Draco smiled at harry.
And harry smiled at Draco " okay "
" we're gonna date then, you and me "Draco smiled
"yeah, you and me " Harry replied
" it's gonna be a disaster " Draco chuckled softly.
" eh, we always were a disaster anyway. It was about time " Harry casually frowned. Draco looked at him a minute too long before he erupted in little laughter, harry soon joining.
Yes, they were thrown out of the library for the context, but they did end up kissing, so they had their happy end.
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acourtofsnakes · 4 years ago
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Ret'urcye Mhi - Rogue, Chapter 7 | The Mandalorian x Force Sensitive! Reader (F)
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Summary: Can things go back to normal after the Mandalorian saw you break down? Or have walls been torn down that can’t be replaced?
Warnings: Light swearing, I don’t want to give it away but no smut but… a ‘moment’ with some certainly hot thoughts and pining but nothing heavy though, reader has a back tattoo, let me know if I forgot anything!
AN: I have brought in Cara Dune in this, and she will be a frequent character. I by no means condone what Gina Carano did, and I am pleased and relieved that she is gone. However, I do like her character, as many others do. She IS only mentioned in this one briefly but will be a main character in a few future chapters. 
Also, Readers tattoo is loosely based on this design!(link)  I’m not sure who the exact creator is, but it was posted by Urban Threads on Pinterest, but if you know, please tell me! ❤️
Word Count: 8231
As always, credit to whoever owns the gif. I usually find them on Google or Pinterest, so message me if it’s yours ♥︎
Rogue Taglist:  @snipskixandbeskar   @weirdowithnobeardo @the-bottom-of-the-abyss​ @jackgrzs
Rogue Masterlist | Introduction| 1: Solus| 2: Arir | 3: Tor | 4: Gaa'tayl | 5: Kyr’am | 6: Cabur | 7: Ret'urcye Mhi |
Mando’a Translation: Ret'urcye mhi - Goodbye
Neither of you mentioned that afternoon. 
It hadn’t come up in the 3 days since, and it hadn’t come up today. You made sure of it. 
Every time Mando looked at you, and you just felt he was going to mention it, you’d change the subject. Or just walk away. You didn’t need to have that conversation with him. You couldn’t have that conversation with him. Or anyone. 
The Mandalorian had sat there, holding you for the hours it took for you to cry yourself out. When the shuddering sobs had given way to hitched breaths and a numb stare, he’d still sat there. Rubbing your back in gentle circles, in time with Duru’s tail gently swaying over your arm. He hadn’t uttered a single word either, just letting you break down in his arms. 
When the quiet ambiance of the ship and the pressure of his hand had lulled you into sleep, he’d carried you to his bed – well, the narrow cot that jutted out from the wall in what was supposed to be the medical area. He’d given up his sleeping compartment to Grogu a long time ago, to keep the little creature warm and safe. 
He’d laid you in, covering you with the blanket and then one more that he pulled out from a unit. 
You were asleep, so you hadn’t seen the way his gloved fingers gently brushed back the hair from your tear flushed cheeks, the way they’d lingered for a moment as he’d looked down at the soft strands gliding over his fingers. You hadn’t felt the way he’d frozen when a sudden want crashed through him, to yank off his gloves and run his bare hands through your hair, feel the silkiness and the texture for himself. 
And you also wouldn’t have noticed the way his breathing went ragged for a moment and he’d lurched back, stumbling away so quickly he nearly overturned a box on his way out of the door. 
Your sleep hadn’t remained easy. Only a few hours later, you had woken up screaming, unsure of where you were, why you were on a thin cot that smelled like metal and smoke and something distinctly unique and almost like sandalwood. It was somehow comforting, soothing. You had inhaled the scent, trying to calm down your pounding heard and regain control of your breathing.  
It was only when you could suck in a full breath that you realised where you were, who’s bed this was. 
A feeling of gratefulness had crashed over you, only to be immediately wiped out by shame. You had broken down in front of him, spat such awful, awful things to his face.
And when you heard footsteps outside the compartment door, the husky baritone of his voice as he called out your name softly, you’d gone still. Like you were back on the run, mere inches away from a hunter and one move would mean disaster. 
He’d lingered, you could see by the shadows of his feet under the tiny gap at the bottom of the door. A wild thought had come to you, that he had his hand pressed to the door and you could just.. open it. Open it and let him come in, let him carry the burden of your nightmares and your feelings even If it was just for a little while. You could share some of those plaguing thoughts that you’d unleashed today. And he would listen. You didn’t know him that well, but you knew him enough to be confident he would sit there, let you talk. He knew what it was like to be alone, to have emotions and worries that you had no choice to bear yourself. 
The temptation was so strong, you craved that contact and connection so much that you were halfway across the room before your snarling argument came back in full technicolour. The things you’d said to him. The appalling way you’d acted. 
No.
You couldn’t see him. You couldn’t face him after that. After what you had said and the way you had cracked. You shook your head firmly, waiting until you heard a sigh so soft you might have imagined it and retreating footsteps. 
It was only then you that you returned to the bed, pulling the twin blankets up high over your shoulders. 
You’d deal with seeing him in the morning, but for now, all you could do was bury your face in the thin pillow and try not to notice how it smelt like him.
Something had changed between the two of you since that afternoon. He had glimpsed a part of you that you normally kept perfectly hidden, even from yourself. 
You were on your way to another bounty, one of the last couple of pucks that Mando had left. 
Mando had mentioned it was a hot, desert planet and he’d prefer it if you stayed in the ship with Grogu. It’d be far too hot for the little guy out there. You had obliged happily, more than fine to stay in. You didn’t like to be too hot, it made you uncomfortable and agitated. 
The cockpit was quiet, a peaceful silence had descended upon it as Mando flew the ship. 
You’d found yourself drawn to watching his hands lately. There was something… oddly soothing about it. Watching him work the controls, hold Grogu, clean his weapons. 
You wondered if he missed the sensation of touch, and then wondered if yours and the kids presence here made it harder for him. Meant he had less chances to take off his armour and be free of it. 
Of course, that had then led you onto the thought of wondering if he slept naked when he was alone. 
The thought of him lying there, nothing hiding him, separating him from the world. 
The thin blankets sliding over the body you knew was toned, yet soft enough in all the right places. 
It made your mouth a little dry, your cheeks a little pink and you struggled to find something else to think about. 
Your eyes drifted to his hands again, remembering the sound of the gloves being drawn off the other night. 
They were mesmerising, agile, and you couldn’t stop thinking about them in your hair, on your skin. 
Stars above, get a grip, girl. 
You mentally scolded yourself for these thoughts, trying to steer your damned imagination onto something more appropriate. 
Luckily, your saviour came in the form of Mando himself. He tilted his head back slightly, enough for you to know he was talking to you, “What’s your favourite planet? Or one you’d like to visit?” 
The question surprised you, you had to admit. You weren’t used to people asking about your likes and dislikes. You smiled though, perhaps this was his gentle way to break any tension left over. “Hmm… I think… I’d have to say the planet I’d like to visit most... either Hoth or Coruscant.”
Mando laughed, that gorgeous rough, honey laugh, “Okay, Coruscant I can understand, but Hoth? Really?”
You pouted at the back of his head, “Yes!! It sounds beautiful.”
The Mandalorian laughed more, “Beautiful? Sweetheart, it’s covered in ice. It’s freezing there. All you would see is ice and snow… and more ice and more snow.”
You scowled at him now, throwing the leftover wrapper of Grogu’s cookies at his helmet, “And? Snow and ice are stunning. They’re powerful and strong. I’ve only ever been in a proper snowfall once, and I fell in love. The way the flakes float down and.. dance even if there’s the faintest breeze. And then when they land on your skin or your eyelashes like little cold kisses… The sound it makes under your boots when you walk on a fresh fall. And it softens everything, makes it easier on your eyes to see across the landscape… it’s quiet, muffled… Besides, I like the cold.”
Little did you know, Mando was grinning like an idiot under his helmet, adoring the way you defend it to him, the way you describe something as simple as ice and snow. “You like the cold, huh? Then why are you always grumbling that the heating is broken?” The teasing lilt to his voice was evident, so animated and content, compared to his usual cooler, calm silence.
You opened your mouth, then closed it again. “That is… completely irrelevant.” You looked at the back of his head, “What about you? If my choices are so hilarious.”
The Mandalorian made a thoughtful noise, “I wouldn’t say there’s one place in particular… But… there’s a few sanctuary planets dotted around. Places with really pretty, dense forests where you could walk for days and not spot anyone else. They’re protected and safe, no dangerous animals or anything allowed… literally sanctuaries. I’d like to take Grogu there… let him wander and have fun and eat things he shouldn’t without having to look over my shoulder.” 
It was the most you’d ever heard him speak in one go, and there was a tenderness in his voice that brought tears to your eyes. This man truly loved his little green adoptive son and would do anything for him. “That sounds... stunning. I’ve heard of those planets and always wondered what they were like...” 
He made a hum of agreement, fingers working over the control panel as he put it in autopilot. “One day…” He turned around in his chair, “What about your favourite colour?” 
You moved to sit cross-legged in the seat, defying the concept of a chair. “Blue. Darker blues, like a midnight blue.” You swayed your chair from side to side slightly, “Actually, the same colour as the cloak you got me. So well done, kudo’s for you.”
Mando leant back in his own chair, tapping the side of his helmet before resting his hands on his thighs again. “This thing lets me read minds; you know.”
You began pulling the pins from your hair, “Mmhm, and I can fly.” You raise an eyebrow at him, grinning. 
He chuckled, watching you intently behind the helmet though you wouldn’t know that, watching every pin get removed from holding up your hair, “It wouldn’t surprise me at this point, princess.” He tapped his thighs absently, “You wanna know the real secret?”
You nodded, reaching in for a pin that had become stuck deep in your hair, the last one. “Surprise me.” Got it. You yanked the pin out, letting your hair fall down and your fingers through it. You sighed a little in relief as you rubbed your fingertips against your scalp, chasing away any tightness from the day. 
Mando didn’t say anything. He was too distracted, to struck into silence by the sight of your hair. 
The light from the ship and coming in through the windows turned some of the strands to gold, igniting them with that fire that blazed within you – and that he’d been on the receiving end. 
His hands tightened over his thighs, because he was overtaken by a craving, a need to remove your hands and feel your hair for himself. 
It wasn’t the first time he’d had these thoughts. 
Fuck, he’d been having these thoughts since he first saw you. He just hadn’t realised them until that night he’d nearly lost his life and woken up to you passed out on his chest. 
He’d frozen, even his breathing stopping as he felt the warm weight of you, even though the armour. 
He couldn’t bear to move you, to take away that pressure, the closeness of another human that he had missed for so long. 
So, he hadn’t. He left you there. Spent hours watching you sleep, the warmth of your breath slightly fogging up the armour on his chest. 
“Lori? Anyone in there?” You tilted your head, watching the man before you that was staring at you intently, his breathing somewhat ragged. 
He startled slightly, coming back to himself, “Huh?”
You chuckled, “Where did you go? I was waiting for you to knock me off my feet with your revelation.”
He made a noise, “Uh… I.. actually can’t remember...” He tugged at his glove, an odd gesture so at odds with his usual confident demeanour. 
You tilted your head, still smiling a little, “Are you okay?”
Luckily, he was saved from answering by the beeping of the controls behind him. 
You’d arrived at the planet. 
~
It was hot. 
Beyond hot. 
The air was warm, the water was warm, you were warm. 
And already awake, having just calmed your breathing down from another nightmare, when you heard Grogu, his little coos and gurgled filtering down the hall to you. 
The poor little creature had probably woken up from the heat. You had been on this desert planet for a couple of days, opting to stay in and look after the Child whilst Mando hunted down the bounty. The days here were scorching, a dry heat that sucked the life from you immediately. Even the nights were hot, unlike normal freezing desert nights. 
Mando had returned this evening, panting from the heat after coming up from the carbonite chamber. “I swear it’s getting hotter out there.”
The cooling system on the Crest was just as temperamental as the heating, so it wasn’t exactly cool in here. The metal floors, which were normally always chilled, were warm underfoot. Mando had let you keep his room, and it was just as hot, being contained in with itself, so you’d been sleeping with the doors open. 
Not that it made a dent. Every single closed space was like a heat trap, especially Grogu’s little compartment. So, no wonder he had woken up. 
You stretched, then slipped from the cot and made your way to Grogu.
It didn’t take long to settle him, he was all tuckered out from the games you’d been playing today, so after patting his skin with a cool cloth, he had fallen back under. 
You were now at the small ‘kitchen’ area in the ship, washing out the cloth. You huffed, splashing some water on your wrists and pulling out the pin that was holding up your hair, and falling out. Grogu had a habit of tugging the ends of your hair in his little fist. 
You’d taken to wearing a thin floaty dress to bed, one you’d picked up in that market before it had turned into a horror show. The material was gauzy, allowing the heat to escape your body without it sticking to your clammy skin. What helped enormously was the large cut out in the back. It secured at the back of your neck, and then fell open, exposing almost your whole back before joining again at the base of your spine. 
It was probably the flimsiest, most sinful thing you’d ever worn, but it was gorgeous and hey, it did the job. 
You rolled your shoulders, pressing the cool cloth to your neck and you couldn’t help the sigh that escaped your lips and you could have sworn you heard a sizzle. 
Footsteps behind you startled you, breaking you from your reverie, and then Mando’s voice filtered through the silence, “Are you okay?”
You turned around, smiling when you saw him because he was still in all his armour… not that you were surprised. He must have been boiling though, under all those heavy layers. 
You nodded, lifting the cloth from your neck, “The kid was awake, but I settled him down, he was really warm.”  
His head was covered, naturally, so you wouldn’t have seen the way his eyes followed a bead of water rolling down your neck, and the unbidden thought of his tongue catching it “Thank you for seeing to him, I didn’t hear..” 
Weird. Normally he was so attuned to Grogu, hearing him before he even woke up if you were sitting together. Maybe he was tired, from his hunting. 
What you didn’t know, couldn’t know, was that he had been staring at the ceiling for the 3rd night in a row. Having thoughts that he should not be having, his body yearning for things it shouldn’t. 
You shook your head, still smiling and turned back to the sink area, “It’s no worries, I was awake anyway so… And you’ve been hunting. You deserve the rest.” You set down the cloth, running your hands through your hair and reaching for your pin to secure it back up. You faced him again, gathering your hair in your hands, “How was it?”
But he wasn’t listening. 
He suddenly moved forward, and then he was in front of you. “Wait.” His voice was low, almost strained. There was a husk to it that hadn’t been there before, but it ignited something within you. 
You froze, your hands still stuck in your hair. You looked up at him, raising your eyebrows slightly, “What..?” It was only now he was right in front of you that you could see his chest, rising and falling rapidly. “Mando, are you okay?”
He shook his head quickly, his helmet tilted down to you, his hands curling and uncurling at his sides, “Let your hair down.” His voice was still that rumbly order, and it was such an odd request that you did just that, letting it tumble back down again. Your own hands trembled slightly as you lowered them. 
A shudder seemed to roll through his body, and he rocked forward on his feet, lurching toward you in a movement that lacked his usual smooth elegance. It was unsteady, unsure. 
He stopped when he was a mere few inches away, the closest you’d been to each other since that afternoon. 
This close, you could practically feel the heat roiling off of him under his armour, and you tilted your head up to meet him, concern in your eyes, “Mando, you need to go and have a cold shower.. You sound like you’re burning up… do you feel flushed?” 
He shook his head jerkily, his hands raising, “Shh… please. I just.. I need to..” He broke off, a sharp intake of air cutting his words. 
Something else began to curl through the worry in your belly, like some instinct knew things you didn’t. You swallowed, your voice low when you next spoke, “You need to what..?”
The Mandalorian was shaking, his body tensing and untensing like he was fighting himself, telling himself not to do this. “I.. I need to touch your hair.” 
Stars, you could feel the flush that crept up his neck and cheeks, like it burned through his helmet but you stayed completely still. 
His words were whispered through gritted teeth, like he was physically trying to bite them back, “I just... I need to do this, please… I’m sorry, but I cant-” He sounded like he was in pain, still breathing raggedly. 
Heat flared through your blood, igniting a flame within you that was irresistible. You nodded, letting him see you, “Okay.” Like you could say no to him. 
The vocoder nearly didn’t pick up the huff of relief that escaped his lips and he curled his hands into fists again, “Turn around. And close your eyes.” That rough command was back and you were more than obliging to let him navigate this moment. 
You turned around, facing the kitchen area, looking over the darkened surroundings before shutting your eyes. It immediately threw all your other senses into overdrive, so you could hear every single rasp of his breath as you exposed your skin to him, and the pounding of your own heart. 
“You have to keep them closed. You cannot turn around or look.” There was a desperate plea in his voice, an edge to it that hurt your very soul. He was audibly torn, between his Creed… and this desire that he seemed to have given into. 
You nodded again, aching to reach back and reassure him, “I won’t. I won’t open my eyes or turn around until you tell me, I swear on it, Lori.” You let every ounce of truth and understanding seep through your words, praying that it would be enough to convince him he could trust you. 
Seemingly, it was, because the next noise that you heard could have struck you dead. 
It was the sound of leather rubbing against skin, the friction as they were pulled off, then a soft thump of the material on the floor. 
He had taken off his gloves. 
He was standing behind you… with his hands bare. 
You. A person he hasn’t known for very long at all, and he was partially bare, uncovered. 
Your head exploded, a million thoughts racing through it once, sending your heart into overdrive and your own breathing rapid and unsteady. 
There was a pause, like he was steeling himself and then… then the slightest sensation, like he was catching the ends of your hair, just brushing them. 
That simple movement sent a shiver down your spine, and it was enough to get him to move more. He lifted his hands and then you felt fingers slide into your hair at the back of your head, then slowly, slowly, drag down the length. 
You heard a sharp intake of breath behind you, and then a soft mutter, “It’s so soft..” You barely picked it up, even though the ship was silent. The fingers ghosted through your hair again, and his voice was bewildered, “How do you get it this soft in that tiny ‘fresher..” It was like he was talking to himself. 
You couldn’t help the soft laugh, a release of tension from this whole thing, “I can’t reveal my secrets, Lori. Can’t have your hair being softer than mine. There’s only room for one on this ship.”
He chuckled, and it ran over your bones like honey, dousing them in such a sweet sensation. “I’ll get it out of you one way or another, princess.” 
You rolled your eyes but didn’t get the chance to speak because then his fingers were running up your scalp from the base of your head to the crown, with a light pressure and the feeling was so unbelievably good, that you couldn’t help it. Your head leant back into his touch and the faintest sigh left your lips. “Keep doing that..” Your cheeks flushed, embarrassment crashing over you. Why did you have to say that?
The Mandalorian’s hands had paused, absorbing that soft sigh of pleasure and trying to cool his body. But you had a hold over him, he couldn’t say no. He merely did it again, with a firmer press of his fingers against your scalp, a light scrape of his nails just to get you to make that noise again, to be convinced that you were enjoying this just as much as he was.
You didn’t stop the next sigh, this one louder, more delighted. It was like you knew what the other was thinking, could read each other that well.  
He was driving you insane, rendering you speechless just from playing with your hair. 
You don’t know how long you stood there for, his hands running through the soft locks. 
He lifted it slightly, then made a soft noise. “I didn’t know you had a tattoo.”
A tattoo? Oh right. 
It was true, you did. It was a delicate piece, spanning from the top of your spine to just above your hips, lining your spine. It showed the phases of the moon, drawn in a minimalist style, with small stars and additional lines coming out of every other piece. 
You nodded quickly, “I’ve had it for years.” Fuck, could your voice sound anymore needy?
“What does it mean?” His words were murmured and then the next thing could have had you on your knees. 
You heard a sound that had haunted you since the night he nearly died, the sound of leather sliding over skin. The soft plop as it fell to the floor. 
No way. Has he just..
His fingers, his bare fingers ghosted down your spine, following the line of it with a touch so fleeting it almost made you whine. 
In fact, it did, a whimper rising from deep in your chest. 
He was touching you. 
His bare skin, skin that he had sworn by Creed to keep covered and hidden until marriage, was trailing down your spine as light as wings. 
Pleasure shot straight though you, making your nerves and blood sing, making your knees shake and your belly hot. 
A tug on your hair, a tug that was sharp enough to send a faint tinge of pain through your scalp had you moaning, you couldn’t help it. Your lips parted and the moan fell from them, soft, a little high and drawn. 
Mando swore under his breath, his whole body twitching behind yours, “I asked you a question, sweetheart.” There was a hoarseness to his voice that hadn’t been there before, a straining note like your moan had shot right through him. Which is had. 
What does it mean… what does it mean? Focus!!
“Um… right. When I was on the run, initially in the beginning, I never had a place to call home. Everything I knew had been torn away, and I could never settle anywhere. Every night, I would look up into the sky and watch the moon. No matter what planet I was on, no matter where I was, or if there two moons or 4, it was always there. I only had to look up, and there was something up there to ground me, give me some sense of comfort. It might look smaller, or be a different colour, but it was still the moon. And it made me feel… safe. Like it was a… a companion in a way. I just had to look a little closer, beneath the colours or the distance and there it was. It was always in the sky, so I wanted to get it tattooed so that it would always be with me. No matter if I was outside, as free as I could be, or inside and trapped.” You flushed a little, “That probably makes no sense and sounds so stupid.”
You could sense the Mandalorian shaking his head, his voice still low and soft, “No.. I think it’s beautiful. And I get it. I move around so much too, there’s only a few things that always remain the same. So I know the value of having something familiar.” He ghosted his fingers down it again, trailing all the way down to where the cut out portion of your dress stopped and then back up again. 
When his hand reached the top of the tattoo, he slid it up further, cupping the back of your neck in his broad, warm hand. 
It sent electricity shooting across your skin, that blazed as he wrapped his thumb and fingers around either side of your neck, just a gentle pressure there. 
You moaned again; you didn’t even try to hide it. Your head fell back, exposing your throat to him in a sign of instinctual submission, even though you knew he wouldn’t kiss you. You didn’t mind, you just needed more, more than this teasing touch, more than the faint brush of his fingertips. Your chest shuddered, knuckles white as you gripped the counter in an effort to stay still, “Lori…” You whined his name, hoping it would spark something in him, would force him to do something. 
You felt him shudder again, felt his hips draw back from your body like he was trying to hide just what these noises did to him. 
Fuck. 
It burned you, turned your belly molten and the power that washed over you was heady. You had turned him on just from your hair, your skin and your moans. 
The voice that came out was equally as tight, husky and you might have lived and died inside the low baritone “What is it, princess?”
Your fingers curled around the side of the counter in front of you, and you were glad he couldn’t see your face when you whispered, “Please..”. Your voice was low, pleading and aching. 
You felt him shudder behind you, a tiny groan echoing through the helmet.
His next words nearly undid you there and then, “Like I could say no to you.”
Then his fingers pressed into your spine, caressing down your back over the tattoo with such admiration, such warmth that it arched slightly, chasing more of that sensation. 
Your head was spinning, convinced you were dreaming, that this wasn’t real. 
This didn’t happen between you both. 
You flirted, sure. But that was harmless, playful. 
This… this was real. He was letting you feel his bare skin, uncovered and unhidden. 
And it was tearing you apart. 
The scrape of his thumbnail on your skin tore you from those thoughts, ripped you back to the present as it ran down the curve of your back. If your eyes had been open, they would have rolled into the back of your head. 
Your head fell forward, back arching completely into him and the sound that you let out was sinful. You could only concentrate on the that sharp, pleasurable hurt that you felt in your belly, the feeling of his other hand as it held your shoulder, holding you in that arch. 
Heat pooled low in your belly, and every dream, every thought you’d been trying to suppress about him came blasting into full technicolour. All because of his hands. 
Those damn hands you’d been pining over since saving his life. 
His head was so close over your shoulder that you could hear the low pant of his breath, the coolness of his armour barely brushing your shoulders as you pressed back into him. 
Fuck, did he want this as much as you did? 
By the way his hand tightened, he had to. You didn’t know how you knew it, but you did. 
You swallowed, licking your lips to say something, anything, spur him on but a harsh beeping suddenly broke through the thick tension on the room. A light was flashing, and by the time the fog of pleasure cleared in your head, he was gone. 
Gloves picked up and yanked on, boots disappearing up the ladder into the cockpit to check on the autopilot. 
The taut sensation in your body snapped, making you sink to the floor as though the strings had been cut.
You lifted shaking hands to your face, burying them in them with a low noise. Your head was a mess, you couldn’t get over it. Couldn’t stop feeling his fingers on your back, your hair. Hear the ragged pant of his breathing, the rise and fall of his chest against your shoulders. 
It was just touch, just the simple act of touch but it had igniting something so fierce within you. 
Something had changed. 
What the fuck was that?
You sat there on the floor for Maker knows how long, before dragging yourself up and hurrying off in search of a very, very cold shower. 
~
You weren’t quite sure how to face him the next morning. 
You had taken your cold shower, and it had done nothing to cool the fire in your blood so you had to take the initiative, hoping the crash of the water and the fact you were biting down the back of your free hand would cover the desperate moans you made. 
Little did you know, the Mandalorian was going through the exact same thing, back arched, lips biting into his lip to stop the groans. 
You hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, stop thinking about what had occurred between you. 
Surely it broke some kind of rules of his Creed?
He had touched you with his bare skin. You weren’t married. You weren’t together. You didn’t even know his name. 
Yet he had touched you and.. reacted to you. 
Maybe that was just instinct, his body’s natural response to such things. 
But he had carried on… until you were disturbed anyway. 
Your head went round and round in these circles until your body had calmed down enough to sleep. 
You rose early, wanting to be washed, dressed and ready and doing something to occupy you before you had to think too much about what you were going to say.  Maybe just… Good morning?
Sure. Good morning was fine. 
Normal. 
It totally didn’t reveal what you’d had to do in the shower, or the thoughts you were still having about it. 
You had this discussion with yourself all the way up the ladder of the cockpit, and when you rose to your height, you blurted it out in a cheery voice before you could bail, “Morning!”
Breezy. Nailed it. 
The Mandalorian was sitting in the pilot’s chair, fiddling with controls and levers, gloves firmly on. “Good morning. Did you sleep okay in the heat?” 
You nodded, sinking down into the pilots chair and feeding Duru a treat, “Yes, thank you. Finally.” You stroked under Duru’s chin, your eyes straying to those hands as he slide them over some switches. 
The same hands that had cupped the back of your neck and trailed fire down your spine. 
A flush started to creep along your cheeks, so you quickly looked away, “Did you?”
The light bounced off of his helmet as he nodded, “Yes, thank you.”
Polite. His words were polite. Almost... distant. 
Okay… Okay, so maybe he just feels awkward?
You bit your bottom lip, worried if you should say something. 
No, leave it. He no doubt feels over-exposed and maybe shy about what happened last night. Don’t bring it up. Just act normal.
You nodded faintly to yourself and returned your attention back to Duru. 
~
Mando was ignoring you. 
You had been trying to deny it, but he most certainly was. 
Yesterday, he had engaged in talking to you now and then throughout the day, but only passing comments and a few spare words. 
You had spoken more when you were beating the shit out of each other. 
You kept telling yourself that it was just lingering awkwardness from how to go back to normal after that night, but the gnawing in your gut told you otherwise. 
It had been shouting at you this morning when he had parked the ship on a planet, announced he was going hunting and he’d be back in a few hours. 
Then he’d just gone. 
You had waited for him all day, mooched around the ship, played with Grogu and Duru and tried not to worry. 
You sat up for hours, even when the little ones had gone to sleep, waiting to talk to him. 
You’d convinced yourself that you should talk about. You should tell him you didn’t expect anything from him. That you didn’t hate him, that he didn’t hurt you or anything like that. 
Just to tell him whatever you needed to stop this frostiness. 
You had it all planned, had every phrase and comment worked out to stop this atmosphere. 
About 15 minutes ago, you’d heard the ramp open. 3 minutes after that, the hiss and echo of the carbonite chamber. 
Then you’d heard him go and check on the kid, then go to his quarters. 
And now, it was his booted feet on the steps to the cockpit that held your attention. 
You took a deep breath, prayed to the Maker and spun your seat to face him as he rose up. 
The mere sight of that beskar-clad body set your heart thumping, but you coaxed an easy smile on your lips anyway. “Hey, how was the hunt? Cause you any trouble?”
Mando didn’t turn his head to look at you, just padded over to his seat and spun it to the control panel, “It was fine. Easy.” His words were clipped, not harsh, just… efficient. Straight to the point. 
You swallowed, your courage faltering a little. 
Mentally, you scolded yourself. You didn’t falter in the face of a man who’d touched you and now wouldn’t talk to you. You didn’t whimper and pander to a tense atmosphere. 
You sat up a little straighter, pulling your shoulders back and you looked over at him. 
Now or never. 
“About the other night-”
“I’m taking you to Nevarro.”
What?
You had both spoken at the same time, your eyes now bewildered as you beheld him. “What?”
He said nothing, just fiddled with some controls. 
“Mando, what do you mean?” Your voice was shocked, but steady. Did nothing to betray the shock that had just hit your chest like a punch. 
You didn’t hear him swallow, only heard his words, “I’m taking you to Nevarro. We’re on the way now.” He said them softly, evenly. 
Hearing it again only made your heart drop to somewhere around your waist. 
He was leaving you. Dumping you on some planet. And going. 
Your hand tapped your leg as sort of nervous habit, and then the words were out, “Is this because of the other night?” 
It was his turn to sound bewildered, his head just turning to the side, but you knew he couldn’t see you in his peripheral, “What? What do you mean?” 
Your heart was starting to beat uncomfortably in your chest, a sense of shame beginning to creep over you, “Because of what happened in the kitchen. I didn’t see you, I didn’t see your skin.”
Mando turned to face you, one hand still on the panel, his hair half turned but head rotated all the way to look at you, “No, no it’s not because of that-“
You cut him off, “You didn’t… you didn’t offend me. Or hurt me. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry if.. if my reaction made you feel awkward or think something. I don’t.. I don’t expect anything from you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I never have, so please don’t think that.” You flushed, the shame colouring your cheeks. You couldn’t help it. But this was the reason, right? The only reason why he would be dumping you. 
He shook his head, “Stop. Stop..” His voice softened slightly, “No. It’s not because of… that. I know you didn’t see me. And I know you don’t expect anything from me.” He took a breath, “I’m taking you to Nevarro to keep you safe. That’s all. I have friends there, Cara Dune and Greef Karga. They’ll look after you. They’ve already set up accommodation for you, so you don’t need to worry about that. 
They already knew? 
Something like hurt flashed in your eyes, colouring your tone, “They… You already planned this..?” There was no bite in your voice like you would normally have in this situation, you were too shocked by the sudden change in direction your journey was taking. 
Mando tilted his head, “I contacted them whilst I was on the hunt… I wanted it set up before we got there, so you wouldn’t stand out to anyone looking.” He still looked at you, “Is that okay?”
You sensed you wouldn’t have a choice in this. So you decided to take the high road. You wouldn’t whine about this. 
You smoothed your expression over into a mask of calm, “Yes… I was just a little surprised that’s all. But thank you, really. I’ll… set about packing my things.”
He sounded confused, his head tilting back to watch you rise from your chair, “We have a couple of days yet.”
You nodded, “Oh, I know, I just want to make sure I have everything. And all the things I want to steal from you.” You laughed, even going so far as to nudge his shoulder before escaping. 
You were gone to quickly, so you wouldn’t have seen the way he slumped in his chair, dropped his head into his hands. You wouldn’t have heard the pained sigh that escaped his lips at the thought have having to part with you. 
~
~
~
The Mandalorian stood at the top of the ramp with you, staring out across the dusty, volcanic terrain of Nevarro. Your new home for… however long. 
You said nothing, running your fingers along the edge of your cloak, observing the landscape and trying not to let any emotion show on your face. You had kept up natural conversation the past few days. Saying nothing of the wrenching pain that tore in your chest every time you remembered you were departing. 
Mando cleared his throat, one arm holding Grogu and the other hand resting on his hip in a gesture that was becoming painfully familiar, “Cara and Greef know you’re coming. They’ll be waiting in Cara’s office for you.” 
Grogu was sulking, squirming every now and then to try and get out of Mando’s grip. He had screamed the whole morning, and only calmed down when you hugged him and sung to him on the way here. 
You nodded, also trying to ignore the thoughts swirling round in your mind as to why he was leaving you here. Was it because of your argument? The way you had broken down in front of him? Or was it because of the other night? The way his fingers had run through your hair, and then trailed down your spine, mapping your tattoo. His bare fingers. The things he’d whispered to you, “I just... I need to do this, please… I’m sorry, but I cant-”
“I’ve been thinking about this for days..”
Had he known then that he was going to leave you here? Or was it after that, that he’d decided he had broken one too many rules and had to get rid of you. 
Words floated over to you, and you realised he was talking again so you hauled your attention back to the conversation at hand. 
“-safe here. No one will come looking for you. Greef has taken all the pucks that have come through with your name on them and Cara will do sweeps every couple of days to make sure.”
You looked down at your feet, a bitter feeling leeching through your veins that was getting stronger with every moment you got closer to leaving the Crest. 
“Hey… look at me..” 
It was that honey softness of the Mandalorian’s tone that finally had you looking up at him, your expression perfectly masked to hide every ounce of emotion in you aside from a calm neutrality. 
He tilted his head a little, turning his body toward you, “Please don’t think I’m dumping you here. I had planned to bring you here since I destroyed the puck and the fob.”
Like that made you feel any better. 
He must have read the flicker in your eyes, because he stepped closer, his hand lifting to your upper arm, “I want you to be safe.” You could almost feel his eyes boring into yours, “I am more than grateful for everything you’ve done for me. And the kid. More than you’ll ever know. But, travelling with me.. it only increases the target on your back. People know you’re with me. I don’t want that for you.. you deserve to be free..”
And what about what I want?
You only smiled, forcing your expression to one of a lighter one and you nudged him gently, “Hey, I get it. You have to get rid of me because I’m showing you up on hunts. Can’t have anyone destroying your infamous reputation.” You rolled your eyes, laughing even if it did send daggers into your heart. 
And his. 
He squeezed your shoulder playfully, then dropped his hand. “You’re hilarious. I told you, the day you beat me is the day the stars implode.” You could feel a line of humour in his voice though, and it softened your shoulders, made you relax. 
He was doing this to keep you safe. He had planned this for weeks so you could have a break, a chance to rest. 
So, you lifted your head a little higher, your smile becoming more real. “Thank you, Mando. For everything. I can’t ever repay you for this, for what you’ve done.” You motioned to the outside. 
He nodded, his hand resting at his sides again now, “We’ll call it even.” His head remained focused on you, lingering on you and then he reached into a pouch and held out his free hand, “Here.”
You let him drop the objects in your hand, a small stack of credits. 
“It’s not much, I know, but it’ll be enough to get you some food and supplies you need. You don’t need to worry about a place to stay, Cara will show you but… You can get what you want and need.” He withdrew his hand slowly, almost reluctantly.  
You swallowed, closing your hand around the credits and you slipped them into the pocket inside your cloak. “Thank you..”
The Mandalorian merely nodded again, leaning back against the threshold of the ramp, his thumb absently rubbing circles on Grogu’s belly.  
It seemed that there was nothing else to draw this goodbye out, so you took a breath, straightening your cloak. “Well… I guess I’ll say goodbye then.” You looked up at him, then stuck out your hand for his, realising only a few seconds later how dumb that was. 
Before you could pull your hand back, he reached out and clasped your hand in his own, wrapping his fingers around your distinctly smaller hand. “Goodbye… princess.” You heard the smirk in his voice, and you couldn’t help the chuckle and the eye roll again, not failing to notice the way his hand tightened involuntarily and then withdrew. 
You looked at Grogu in his other arm, who was still avoiding looking at the pair of you, wriggling in his father’s arms. You bent down to draw your face to his level and you stroked his ears, “I’ll miss you, little guy. Make sure to keep your dad on his toes, okay? You gotta make up for both of us now.” You pressed a kiss to the top of his head, feeling his little hand pat your cheek with a mournful noise. Tears burned the back of your eyes, so you leant back, instead picking up Duru so she could say goodbye. 
Grogu cooed sadly again, stroking Duru’s cheek, looking up at her with his glossy eyes. 
You let Duru but her head against him, chitter a goodbye and then you stepped back, allowing her to climb up your shoulders as you looked up at Mando. 
You just watched him for a moment, his armour reflecting the light on one side and then, with a soft inhale of courage, you turned and walked down the ramp, Duru padding at your feet. 
You had only just cleared the ramp, stepping onto the hard, compacted ground when Mando called out, “Wait.”
You turned quickly, hope blooming in your heart, in your expression though you tried to stop it. 
He had made a step onto the ramp, body poised like it was trying to run to you but he was holding back. He hesitated, almost as if he were torn with what to say – or what not to say, but all that came out was, “Ret'urcye mhi.”
You couldn’t help the shiver that licked down your spine, the way his voice turned into dripping honey when he spoke Mando’a. “What does that mean..?” You prayed he couldn’t hear the slight hoarseness to your tone.
He tilted his head down to look at Grogu, then lifted it back up to you, “It means goodbye…. And maybe we’ll meet again..” 
Your heart swelled a little, a flush of pain going through it but you smiled softer, your expression melting and you inclined your head slightly, “I would like that.. very much…” 
There were a million other things that threatened to roll off your tongue, pour from you but before they could, you turned around, walking toward the town and feeling his eyes on you the entire time, burning into the back of your head like a fiery brand. 
You were about 4 metres away when you heard Grogu start crying, when your own tears broke through and spilled down your cheeks. You kept walking, even when your vision began to blur and go fuzzy.
So you didn’t see the way Mando hugged Grogu closer, whispered, “I know, kid, I don’t want her to go either.”
You’d be okay. It would be fine. 
So you and the Mandalorian were parting. It was no big deal. You had helped each other; you had returned each other’s debts. You owed each other nothing. 
The sound of engines whirring filtered into your ears, and you waited until you heard the Crest lift from the ground before turning round. 
You paused, wiping your cheeks as the ship that had become a haven of sorts lifted into the sky. It hovered for a second, as if hesitating and then shot up higher, taking with it the two people that you had come to mean more to you than you realised. It felt like the Razor Crest had taken your heart with it. 
How comes you hadn’t realised before how much they meant?
Too late now.
You remained watching the sky, long after the ship had vanished into the atmosphere. 
With a shuddering breath, you wiped your cheeks. You kissed Duru’s tail, and then returned to walking toward the town. 
You’d be okay… right?
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