#'i'm keeping your body safe because bodies are important' kind of shit

[blunderpuff]

not the beloathed homeschool mom (tm) using her nine year old autistic son’s meltdown for sympathy from other moms

[itoshiexx]

perfect

synopsis: rin remembers how perfect you are for him.

pairing: itoshi rin x afab!reader | words: 2.6k | warnings: established relationship, afab reader (referred to as "girl"), pet names (baby, pretty, love), fluff, smut, oral + fingering (reader receiving), unprotected vaginal sex, praising!!!, emotional sex

notes: i really wasn't gonna post this today but i'm EAGER. this is my first attempt at writing smut in english so pls be kind lol idk if this is good or like the worst shit ever. this is kind of a part 2 for this so i recommend you read it :))

masterlist

people could say itoshi rin was many things: cold, distant, a soccer star, a fan of horror, the number one. and he agreed with all of these. but he was also passionate, extremely determined and, most of all, hopelessly in love with you. and even though he was cold and distant, that was not the case when it came to your relationship. 

with you, rin showed all of that passion and determination by loving you in his own gentle way, always so full of devotion, pouring every ounce of the overflowing feelings he harbored in his chest for you only. because he did feel — and intensely, at last. that’s why he always wanted to make you feel happy, and safe, and loved. he wanted you to be confident and to value yourself just as much as he valued you.

that’s why sex with rin felt like some divine moment. 

as you stand there, dumbfounded with the proximity and his words, he takes the opportunity to close the distance between you, capturing your lips in a kiss that makes you melt in his arms almost instantly. he has this weird effect on you; one that makes you surrender all that you are to him until you become one.

“will you let me?” he murmured once you separated, sounding a little breathless. you, on the other hand, were a dizzying mess, unable to form coherent sentences with the way the air got knocked out of your lungs. 

“w-what…?” you stutter, and rin’s little smirk makes your legs shake. 

“will you let me show you how much i love you? how much i cherish you?” 

you’re pretty sure your heart stops for a few seconds before it races inside your chest like an orchestra. a tiny nod is the only answer you can muster, but rin’s not satisfied. 

“use your words, pretty.” he backs away, and, dreading any further distance, you’re quick to say “yes!” in a slightly pitched voice. rin smiles in that delicate way he only does around you, and his thumbs trace small circles on your waist as he hums, “good girl”.

you feel goosebumps as one of his hands goes up, tracing the curve of your body until it rests on your cheek, and then his mouth is on yours again, more demanding, trying to absorb all that you are willing to give. his tongue invades your mouth, and you moan when his wet muscle laces with yours in a lewd dance. your hands fly to the nape of his neck, where you tug at the black strands of hair, and the way he groans sends a shiver down your spine and spreads heat to the middle of your legs. 

but you still have a little bit of rationality left, so you gently push him apart to say, “we’re gonna miss dinner if we keep going,” even if your uneven breathing says how much you want to keep going. however, rin is also very stubborn, and, (un)fortunately, knows your body very well. 

“we can just reschedule,” he states, simply. “i think right now this is more important.”

you still try to reason, “baby, we can have sex any time…” 

“it’s not about the sex.” he frowns. “i want you to remember how precious you are.” a gentle kiss on your jaw. “i want to worship you.” another, and then one more at your neck. it’s unconscious, the way you slightly turn your head to give him more access. “i want you to feel so much more than pretty. i want you to feel beautiful.” 

if the tender nibs and the open mouthed kisses he leaves on the column of your throat aren’t enough to overwhelm you, his words sure can. there is no ounce of strength in your body to fight him anymore, so your answer comes in the form of a needy kiss, tugging at the collar of his shirt so he can be closer, because there was never such a thing as close enough. rin relishes in the way you eagerly try to devour him, more than happy to give you all of him. 

he was only ever yours to begin with.

and he makes sure you know by matching your kisses with just as much fervor, tugging at your waist until he can grind his growing need on your core, wanting you to feel just how much he desires you. it’s not a surprise he is rock hard in his pants, but this is all about you, so he can wait. he will wait until you are beneath him, writhing in pleasure to the point he’s all you can think about. 

rin is caring when slowly he pushes you to the bed, being careful not to put all his weight on you. his knee finds home in the middle of your legs, and he feels lightheaded with the way you grind against it, already desperate for some kind of friction. 

his lips go back to your neck, leaving a trail of kisses down to your collarbone. you can feel the plushness of his pink flesh softly hover over your skin, and it lights up as if something is dancing beneath it, this sort of giddy feeling that staggers you. it’s always there whenever rin touches you, though you can’t say you don’t love it. 

then, he’s sucking the mound of one of your breasts, while his hand is occupied fondling the other. it leaves a faint purple bruise on your skin, but you can’t find it in you to care — instead, you whine in approval, wishing for more of the feeling of his teeth grazing you, eager to bear his possessive marks. the stream of hickeys he leaves around your tits also makes you a little greedy, and you want to scream to make him take off your bra and give attention to your perky nipples. 

and rin is excellent at reading things. on the field, it was an admirable trait by both teammates and rivals, used as a powerful tool for his goals and more often than not leading his team to victory. in your relationship, it made you feel all warm and fuzzy, the way he was so observant to your needs and the little quirks that made you so you. in bed, it felt a lot like salvation, for he was always aware of what you wanted and needed, sometimes even before you did. 

the first flick of his tongue on your bud nearly makes you wail, and you can almost feel the smirk forming on his stupidly handsome face. “needy, aren’t you?” he coos, though it holds no bite. you are ready to retort, but any words die in your mouth when he licks again, circling your areola and gently scraping his teeth at your nipple.

he gives both your tits the attention they deserve, and by the time rin is done, your arousal is already pooling on your panties, leaving you squirming on the bed while touching every part of him you could reach. suddenly, you become conscious that he’s still dressed, so you take it as a challenge to unbutton his shirt until you can finally see his toned torso. 

“baby…” he sighs when you scrape your nails through his chest, all the way down to his perfect abs. before you can reach his pants, however, he separates from you, taking off the shirt that was bothering him. 

his hand laces with yours. “not yet.”

but you are impatient. you need him so, so bad it actually hurts. the ache in your pussy can only be solved when his cock splits you open, and for a moment, you seriously consider telepathy, but his voice in your head burns like a fresh memory. use your words, pretty. i like to hear you. 

and who are you to deny your boyfriend? 

“rinnie,” you whisper, “please.”

“hm? please what?” he arches his eyebrow, hands squeezing your hips.

you bite your lower lips, embarrassed, but answer nonetheless, “please fuck me.”

rin flashes you a bright grin that can rival the sun, and he kisses you once more as a reward, all while his hands slowly descend to your thighs, taking your panties off along the way. he feels impossibly harder when he sees the strings of your arousal on the fabric, moreso when you open your legs for him to see your quivering hole that’s just dying to be filled by him. 

“fuck, look at you…” he groans, sliding his fingers through your folds. your moans are the sweetest sound he ever heard. “so wet. so pretty. all for me, hm?” 

“yes, baby, yes… please, hah— please!” you whine, slightly desperate. he curls one finger inside of you, and you could almost cry. it feels good, so good, but it’s not enough. “m-more… need more!” 

rin is feeling generous, so he attends to your pleas by shoving three fingers at once. you wail at the pleasure of having more of him, his long digits hitting your sweet spots in ways you never could.

“taking my fingers so well, love,” he whispers in your ear. “you’re so pretty. my pretty girl.”

you shudder with the praise, clenching around his fingers and feeling closer than ever when he uses his thumb to start rubbing your clit. it doesn’t take much time to be hit with your orgasm, one that leaves your whole body trembling and gives rin one of his favorite sights. 

beautiful.

he doesn’t even let you say anything, kissing you again, prodding his tongue inside your mouth and muffling any surprised gasps by the sudden invasion. rin’s wet muscle laces with yours in a slow, sensual dance that makes both of you moan in union, the sound traveling all the way down and keeping your arousal alive. 

he keeps going until the lack of air forces you to part. you’re panting, but your eyes search for his teal ones, always a pretty shade of aquamarine that makes you crumble. when you see the hazy look on his orbs, you’re sure he will take out his cock and fuck you already, but instead he starts giving little kisses down your tummy, all the way to your inner thighs. 

“don’t tease,” you whimper. “just get inside me alread— ah!” you scream when his tongue makes contact with your sensitive clit. rin licks a long stripe along your folds that makes you quiver and shut up. 

“wanna taste you first, pretty.” his eyes find yours, “please?”

and, again, who are you to deny your boyfriend? 

especially when he says it like that. 

so you agree, and rin eagerly goes down on you, slurping through your wet pussy like that’s all he needs to survive. he prods his tongue inside you, in and out, motioning the movement his dick should be making, and you take a moment to realize he is rutting his hips on the mattress every time he does. 

then, he laps at your clit once again, twirling his tongue in circular motions that make your eyes roll back and your toes curl. you can barely contain your moans, tugging at his hair and crying out loud when his satisfied groan sends vibrations to your nerves.

his flow becomes quicker, sloppier, and the wet sounds are so lewd that you can feel your second orgasm building up in that familiar tingling feeling that sends you to the edge.

“baby, baby… ‘m cumming, ‘m gonna cum…!” you cry, gripping the bed sheets like your life depends on it. 

that’s all the incentive he needs to keep on going, sweeping his tongue on your bud until he can taste the familiar flavor of you cum and sense your thighs almost crushing his head. 

he’d die a happy man. 

your body goes limp, and you’re gasping for air like you’d just ran a marathon. rin hovers over you to appreciate the scene, and with the way his cock twitches inside his boxers, rin thinks he appreciates this — making you come undone — a little too much. he’s sure his tip is red and leaking pre. 

he gives you some time to recover by slowly unbuckling his belt, taking off his pants and throwing them somewhere on the floor. his boxers go next, and just like he thought, the spongy head of his dick is swollen and in desperate need of relief. 

he said he would wait until you were beneath him, writhing in pleasure to the point he’s all you could think about, before giving him some attention. so he doesn’t stop you from putting your hands around his girth, hissing when you pump him a few times. 

your eyes are blurry, but they look up at him with so much love and desire he could very much cum right there. god, how much he fucking loves you. it’s honestly ridiculous. 

rin lets you pull him closer and cage him with your legs behind his hips. 

“ready, baby?” he asks, as if you aren’t aching for his cock. 

“god, please— i need you. i need you inside of me,” you all but wail. 

rin thrusts into you at once, and you nearly lose your mind. 

he’s long and thick, reaching all of your swollen spots without much effort. you can feel his veins dragging along your walls, creating even more friction, unconsciously rolling your hips to get more of this feeling. rin moans in your ear, and he does it again when you squeeze him tighter. 

“always so tight f’me,” he sighs, dreamily. “god, you are perfect. you are perfection itself, baby.”

“rin, rin…!” is all you can muster to say. 

he presses you harder on the mattress, rutting into your cunt and relishing at the feeling of your velvet walls sucking him in and gripping his shaft like a vice. you’re scraping your nails along his back and shoulders, looking for grounding, but he keeps pounding the head of his cock in that one specific spot that makes you see not only stars, but whole galaxies. 

“rin, rinnie, p-please… r-righ— right there!” 

at this point you are babbling nonsense, rin being the only thing on your mind as you chase your third orgasm of the night. “fuck, pretty…” he curses, feeling the neglected coil on his lower abdomen threatening to snap. he can’t really help it, though. you feel too good. too perfect. 

and all his. 

the constant bullying of his cock on your sweetest spot, the overwhelming feelings inside you and the sweet praises given by your boyfriend on you ear make you come apart, and you scream with the devastating pleasure that seeps through your whole body, like you’re floating on cloud nine. rin hisses when your walls clench him tighter, and seeing you reach your high gets him to spill his load inside of you, finally getting his much deserved release with white hot spurts on your warm core. he fucks both of you throughout your orgasms, and when you start to feel a bit overstimulated, you wiggle him out of you, snapping him from his daze. he collapses.

the familiar weight of his body on top of yours is comforting, along with the soft tune of his breathing on the crook of your neck. you scratch his scalp lightly, your other hand patting his back oh so lovingly. he’s so happy — to have you, to feel you, to love you. 

“i hope you never doubt how beautiful and amazing you are, love,” he whispers, not daring to break the silence. 

you say nothing, embracing him tighter. your silent thank you. 

“but if you ever forget,” he continues, taking you by surprise, “i’m always here to remind you.”

© 2023 itoshiexx. do not plagarise, translate, or repost any of my work on here or other sites.

tagging @doobea and @auratux bc they voted for this

[creedslove]

BETRAYED - CHAPTER SEVEN (SPECIAL EDITION)

Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: Pedro invites you to be his plus one for the night but his attention is caught by another woman and leaves you with a broken heart

Warnings: angst, age gap, established friendship, unrequited love/one sided feelings, a little bit of fluff

A/N: PLEASE ATTENTION

As I said in a previous post, I had two plot lines to follow in this story and I couldn't make up my mind which one would be better. I asked help from a friend and though she helped me choose, I just wasn't feeling the story so I decided to write the two versions and let you all decide which one you prefer. The thing is, I woke up feeling exhausted and in a bad mood, I wanted to write to help me process my feelings but it turned out pure shit but I don't have enough energy to try and write it better, so you all get ready because this is not my best work.

Basically, you will read two drabbles that will take the story to different turns and at the end all you have to do is vote :D

A/N part 2: I still can't manually tag people on the works because I use the app and it won't let me do it, that's why I don't have a tag list at all!

1.8k words

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX

FIRST VERSION

After Pedro made sure Liev had left your house for good and locked all the doors just in case, you finally allowed yourself to cry. You felt such a turmoil of feelings within and it all clawed your throat, making it almost impossible to breathe. You hugged yourself as you sat down heavily onto the couch, trying to process what had happened.

You shook your head, your eyes closed shut as you wanted to undo things. If you could turn back in time, you'd do things so differently.

Pedro returned to the living room, immediately rushing to you and wrapping his arms around your body. He had washed his face and now the blood had been wiped off, you could see his face hadn't been damaged apart from a darkening bruise under his eye. He rubbed your back in a comforting way, lifting your chin up and staring into your eyes with worry.

"It's alright, cariño, things will be fine" he tried reassuring you, his hand finding yours and holding it tight. "I'll make sure you're safe, princesa"

"Nothing will be fine, Pedro. Don't you fucking understand it? You ruined everything once again!" You couldn't control yourself and simply shouted at him, letting all the anger and confusion slip out of your tongue, even if you weren't sure if he was guilty or not. Surely he was, but it wasn't just about that, and you knew it. You were lost and you had nowhere to turn.

He frowned and bit his lips, clearing his throat "Y/N, I know you're scared and confused about everything that happened, but I'm here for you, he won't bother you again" he assured you but you were unable to hold back things any longer.

"It is not all about you, Pedro. I know you got your head far up in your ass now that you are such a big star and how your ego is all the time well-fed by all the attention you got from the world, but not every single thing that goes on in my life is about you, Pedro. I had made things clear, I had told you I didn't want you, and you came here, you made that scene in front of Liev and now he hates me!" You said angrily.

"Are you telling me that after he threatened to beat you up, you're worried about him? Worried about his reaction? You told me you weren't even his girlfriend, why is it so important to you?" He asked angrily at how weird you were acting.

You bit your lips, trying to hold the news but you couldn't any longer. You had to let it out, your heart ached for some kind of comfort, some relief after keeping such a secret. Blinking away your tears, you looked at him.

"Because I'm pregnant, Pedro!!!" You raised your voice once more.

•••

Pedro felt as if time had stopped for a moment. He had heard your words, he had comprehended them, but it still didn't feel real. He tried processing it several times, but it didn't seem true to him. He was silent for a couple of minutes, and didn't dare say anything at first.

He noticed his mouth was dry and you sort of waited for an answer. He scratched the back of his neck and carefully chose his words.

"I'm guessing the baby's Liev's… and that was what that dinner was about, correct?" He saw you nodding and continued "and I assume it wasn't planned…"

You finally gathered some courage to speak and nodded "of course it wasn't, but I got sick about a month ago, got some really strong antibiotics and somehow they messed up with the effect of my birth control" you cried "and now you fucked up everything because he walked on us and of course he will never believe the baby is his. I mean, I don't even know if I'll keep the baby in the first place but still, I don't expect you to understand, you never wanted a family of your own-" you stopped yourself, realizing you were snapping at him, remembering how delicate the subject had been to him the time you had your argument. You swallowed hard and sighed "all I'm trying to say is that I don't know what to do, I'm lost and alone"

Pedro immediately softened up, he completely ignored some of your harsh words and sat closer to you. He kissed your temple and rubbed your arms

"You're not alone, Y/N" he said gently "I get that you are terrified, especially after Liev's reaction, I think you should follow your heart and decide what to do with the baby, I'll support you, but if you decide to keep it, I'll be by your side as a friend…" he said and felt his heart burning in his chest at the mere thought of all the dreams he's had about you and him having a family together, the ones he always thought that would never come true, but now, destiny being a bitch, seemed to offer him on a silver plate.

"... Or I can be by your side as the father, for the two of you" he gently placed his hand on your stomach, leaving you speechless.

SECOND VERSION

You looked at Pedro while he focused on the drive home, you were tightening your jaw, still unbelievably pissed at everything that happened. That happened because of him, by the way.

The way Liev stormed out of your home after punching Pedro a couple of times when he walked on you two. You hated yourself for not resisting him, but how could you? Yes, he was a dick, he had broken your heart but he had showered you in all those stupid love words, which you never believed in, but when he shot you those puppy eyes and you felt your body against his, it was so damn impossible to fight back. If you concentrated hard enough, you could still feel parts of your body tingling, a longing sensation on your lower stomach, the warmth and that funny pressure on your core. Pedro was addictive and you were afraid of letting yourself go.

If such a scene hadn't happened, you could've just told him to go home, and preferably reminded him to never come back into your life, but after how violent things got with Liev, you agreed maybe it would be safer to spend the night at Pedro's.

You weren't in love with Liev but you two were having a pretty nice affair, it was satisfying on both ends and you guys were having fun. If once again, weren't for Pedro's intermission, you would've had some nice dinner and would end up in bed. Of course, you could also end up in Pedro's bed, but no matter how much your physical side ached for it, you wouldn't give in, he was still the same guy who left you in the middle of a party to go home by yourself so he could have his way with some skank. And he was still the same guy who got you going in a makeout session that earned you the end of your affair and a threat.

But then, you looked at Pedro, the way he drove focused, though you could see his face already bruising. Even if he'd cleaned up the blood, you knew that wouldn't look very good in the morning.

"C-can we stop?" You asked him, breaking the silence as you pointed at the drive-thru burger place just a few meters away.

He raised his eyebrow, letting a small groan of pain "really? Are you hungry, Y/N?" He asked and you groaned in response, not caring at all

"You ruined my dinner, it's the least you can do" you gritted your teeth, though you didn't want to admit the whole reason why you wanted to make that stop wasn't the burger nor the fries, you were actually thinking of the extra portion of ice you ordered. And as soon as you got it, you got your jacket out, poured the ice on your sleeve and made a very lame ice pad, but it was the only thing you could do. You gently placed it on Pedro's face, listening to his ounce of pain and couldn't help but let out a chuckle, which didn't go unnoticed by the man.

"What's so funny?" He asked, feeling a little annoyed.

"You sound just like a kid, come on Pedrito, you're stronger than that" you couldn't help yourself but let out another chuckle and feel surprise to see him smiling as well.

"You're right, mariposa, I should take it like a man, just like I did to protect you and I would do it a hundred times more" he extended his arm and took some stranded hair off your face. The man went serious again and looked at you "I'm sorry, I really am. I know I fucked things up for you, I couldn't control myself when I found your little card, it moved me, it made me believe you still had feelings for me, but I don't regret doing what I did, as I will have another thing to cherish about you for the rest of my life, and that at least we know that guy isn't good enough for you" he honestly said it.

"I mean, I know you think I'm not good for you either, but now you can see you deserve better, princesa" he said and leaned in, kissing your lips one last time again. He gently took your hands off his face and started the car, driving home.

You spent the rest of the trip quiet, your heart tightening in your chest as you replayed this last moment with you, there were so many things you wanted to tell him, so many times you wished you'd just think to hell with everything else and surrender to your passion, but you stopped yourself. You had to be strong.

You trusted your gut, and it always told you to be wary of Pedro, things had never been easy between the two of you, why would it start being easy now?

You knew you'd taken the correct decision when you both got inside and you found the skank from the gala sitting on his couch. She didn't look that great without her attire and scandalous makeup on, but you could see the appeal why a man would want her.

You immediately went serious and stared at Pedro, who seemed confused as well.

"Well, you never called, never replied to my texts, so I had to come over, Pedro," the woman said before either of you could do it.

"Listen, Melissa, we don't have anything going on, it was a one time thing, and it's over…" he stopped mid sentence the moment Melissa got up and took off her coat.

Her round bump was visible thanks to the very tight sweater she was wearing.

"Oh yeah? Well, you should've thought of that before using me as a cum dumpster, Pedro, because I'm pregnant"

_____

A/N: now it's your turn to choose: which plot do you want in the story? As the rest will be written accordingly.

[aromanticannibal]

Anyways. Headcanons based on whatever progression this is.

I said headcanons and I lied. Over-analyzing time.

First thing I was thinking about: how are Katsuki and Izuku childhood friends when they are very clearly from different cultures slash tribes slash villages. The idea I ended up with is that Katsuki's people move a lot since they have dragons and they temporarily settled near the Midoriya's house at some point.

Very quickly because I made a post about this before : at some point All Might's sword breaks or is broken on purpose by All Might and its two parts are given to Katsuki and Izuku (this is somewhat lore accurate/canon to the fantasy art series). I headcanon that Katsuki and Izuku then personalize their swords more, keeping the blade intact while modifying the hilt and such (see last illustration: Katsuki's sword is more visible that Izuku's but both have blades in a similar shape as the All Might/One For All sword. There's also that Izuku has another sword at his hip and Katsuki's original sword, the curved one, isn't the one that's out).

Shouto and Enji are so fucking weird.

Shouto's demonic situation in the second illustration clearly represents his left side being associated with his father (bad) and his hatred (also bad). I'm gonna say this is a curse passed down from Enji and created from hatred - the more hate you feel, the more the curse consumes you, but you can learn to wield the curse's power if you let go of your hatred. Both Shouto and Enji are fighting the curse in the second illustration (explaining Enji's fuckass costume hiding his flames, probably) and both of them let go of their hatred (Enji for All Might, Shouto for Enji) in the last illustration.

I also assume given their outfits that they're royalty, if not the king and prince, other similarly important guys.

I think heroes are knights, maybe, probably.

All Might is likely some kind of knight or warrior, Iida and Yaoyorozu are knights, Jirou is a knight, Aizawa is kind of a knight, maybe? It's not a fullproof theory I'll be honest, not all pro-heroes or heroes in training are knight coded in the fantasy series.

The ugly ass dragon?

The ugly ass dragon in the second illustration seems to be an ally to Katsuki and Izuku (and therefore the others) but for reasons you'll understand every soon it's fucking dead. I'm assuming it got killed by villains. Whoops.

So the reason I think it's dead is uh. Yo? Katsuki and Izuku's shoulder pads in the last illustration sure are purple and scaly huh? And the ornaments on Katsuki's new sword sure are orange and horn-looking, huh?

Anyways, the dragon got killed and they used its body for armor and weaponry.

the green capes?

The last illustration has Izuku, Shouto, Ochako, Iida and Aizawa wearing the same type of green cape (Ochako's is a little different but it's still the same green). So this is the Dekusquad plus Aizawa, I'm gonna go ahead and say this is Izuku's party, RPG style. Aizawa is probably here to mediate and make sure they don't die. Katsuki isn't there because he likely is leading the other party.

Kirishima glow up? hello?

He looks so fucking cool in the last illustration I don't even have anything to say. He also looks closer to Katsuki's clothing style, so I'm gonna say Kirishima is part of Katsuki's tribe slash village slash whatever the fuck but left to become a knight and then started getting more in touch with his culture when meeting Katsuki.

Stuff I point out without expanding on it:

Hawks' wings are gone, whoops. Interesting that the fake ones are white and not red. Dove much?

Yaomomo baby that armor isn't protecting you. However you are safe anyway because you are clearly some kind of magic user as well as knight and probably have some kind of force field in place.

Ochako's hat updates to have horns. Minachako goodness. /hj

Kaminari is a cute bard! He's such a romantic. Holding a flower and shit

Not visible in the picture I have. Guys I know we all love the I on Katsuki's arm but I'm sorry it's likely the number 1 in roman lettering rather than the letter -i. He's the number one. He's so goofy.

[saypleasetickleme]

So my lee friend and i are potentially meeting up pretty soon and i can't wait to tickle the shit out of her!

It's gonna be great, the only issue is that she's pretty adamant she wants to keep all her clothes on no matter what. She said she'll take her shoes and socks off and maybe wear a t-shirt or whatever but i just, idk if i can tickle her properly like that you know? Do you have any advice to help convince her it's okay and way better without?

I mean.....I really don't know what kind of response you were expecting to get from this? I was half debating just ignoring it like I usually do with asks in this wheelhouse but you know what, these topics are important, so let's talk about it. If i'm being honest, I don't think you should be Lering for anyone if you can't respect a boundary like that to the point you're asking for advice on how to gaslight her about it??? You were so close to having the right mindset at the end there; convince her it's okay. That is literally all you need to do. Because it is. Because I can't believe I actually have to say this, but her comfort level with her own body has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Your job as a Ler is to make sure she's safe, comfortable, and enjoying a scene as much as you are. That's it. Tickles over clothes are completely valid and still fun and great. If during pre-session talks you get the okay to sneak hands under clothes so long as skin isn't on display, amazing. You literally mentioned her being okay with giving you her bare feet, that's no small thing! Open and honest communication is genuinely the most important thing in any of these spaces, and she's doing that with you. You owe it to her to do the same if it's truly something that'll prevent you wanting that experience, but don't you dare make her feel guilty about it. If a lack of clothing is more important to you than your Lee's comfort level then I really don't know what to tell you other than the fact you should probably re-evaluate that mindset before meeting up with anyone.

[headspace-hotel]

I think a critical flaw in the vegan’s user’s argument was that they clearly buckled down on how capitalist exploitation and overproduction factors into milk and meat markets… and then seemed to assume that vegan diets avoid capitalist pitfalls completely.

But you’ve already posted on your blog before about how crop production under capitalism has created huge environmental issues in terms of biodiversity, depletion of topsoil, and sustainability. Meaning even a non-animal diet can (especially on the scale necessary for every human being currently in existence) still create large-scale issues if that diet demands having specific foods in abundance to avoid eating meat.

Like, I’m sympathetic to what vegans want to do, it just feels like they’re ignoring a MASSIVE number of pressing logistical and environmental issues to push that agenda. There’s several intersecting problems here, and claiming humanity as a whole is poised to chuck eating animals completely seems to be jumping the gun.

This is basically exactly what I hope to convey to people. I feel like extremely pressing issues such as topsoil loss, pesticide and herbicide use, and pollution caused by nitrogen fertilizers, not to mention the severe biodiversity impacts of monoculture, are being disregarded in favor of a very simplistic "Meat is killing the Earth" argument.

And I think the "veganism to save the earth" idea is just...distracting, as a movement. I'm glad people are motivated to do it. I don't think it's bad. But we need people to take action beyond just Buy Product. Anyone telling you that the most important action you can take is Buy Different Product does not have your best interest, or the planet's best interest, in mind.

If you're eating a plant based diet, but your only relationship with your food is Buy Product, you are still alienated from the source of your food. You still don't know, and can't respect or care for, the ecosystem or the labor that gives it to you.

My agenda is far more along the lines of "society needs to be organized so more people are directly involved in growing food that feeds their community" than anything to do with animals, but it's clear to everyone who has studied it for 2 seconds that farming needs to change hugely and it's so, so much more complicated than "farming animals is bad, farming plants is good."

Also the fact is that veganism cuts you off from sources of nutrients that have been part of virtually every human society ever, a LOT of people have disabilities, allergies or nutrient absorption issues that mean going vegan isn't possible for them, and people who try to argue with me about this simply Stop knowing how to read when this is brought up. "Some people need animal protein to live" is a reality of the world but people who don't like this straight up refuse to consider it.

I have no food allergies or sensitivities, and I still struggle to eat enough food to live. I lost thirty fucking pounds in college because of stress, the dining hall being shit, and my roommate trying to control my eating habits (long story). Thats like...well over 1/5 of my body weight. Sometimes people Cannot restrict their diet safely.

Like, sure, I 85% agree with the vegans who like to comment on my posts, but the remaining 15% of things they say is completely insane.

And some of them are so out of touch with reality that they will swear up and down that it's impossible for humans to drink milk without someone having to murder a baby animal. They seem to think farming is exclusively some kind of horror show that happens in a warehouse somewhere, and don't understand the concept that "some people live in rural areas" or "it's not uncommon in some places to just keep a few dairy goats that provide milk for your family."

And if they admit this exists, it's like "well, that's not where your dairy comes from, because the INDUSTRY—" thats. that's my point, you can get milk from a farmer who keeps a small herd that is well treated, we should start doing this actually, you can even keep your OWN goat

my ideal world involves "backyard chickens and goats are legal in suburban areas where there's space" because there's literally nothing innately unethical about keeping a couple dairy goats or healthy heritage breed chickens and you can quote me on that and you can even fight me.

That one person (the one who kept bringing up eating poop) (Lord what a sentence to have to write) eventually turned to "Well those sources are wrong because governmental organizations want you to keep eating animal products" which is already well into "conspiracy theory" territory. No thanks.

[pipsqueakparker]

I will say I'm also super weak for the idea of them planning to but getting caught up talking and just looking at each other to commit the moment to memory in case they don't make it

yesssss okay but listen just. hear me out.

everyone else has emptied out so it's just angel and husk left at the bar. when angel suggests it, it's mostly a joke - "tonight may be your last chance to get a piece-a this, kitty cat" or something, literally the dumbest come on he's attempted, and husk just looks at him, at the smirk on angel's lips that's there out of more fondness than lust, and he just puts his bottle down, puts angel's glass away, and says "yeah, alright"

and angel is. shook. like at first he doesn't understand, but then husk is on the other side of the bar holding his hand out to angel (he's a Gentleman), and angel's staring at it and husk laughs. "you having second thoughts?"

and angel takes his hand and books it, drags husk behind him up to his room, but once they're there and the door is closed and they're staring at each other they're just like. fuck wait now what.

and it is the softest exchange when husk finally asks if he can kiss angel and angel almost laughs in his face but it gets caught on the lump in his throat so he just nods and husk has to stretch onto his tiptoes to reach and angel sinks down against the wall to make it easier and they just. stay like that for a while. their lips moving slowly, hands roving bodies, but it's gentle and calm and angel is melting.

literally melting into husk's arms and husk isn't helping because he's pulling him closer and they finally do move to the bed. and once they're on the bed it feels... more serious. more promising. and there's more heat flowing through angel's body as husk's hands find his ass and his find the buckle of husk's pants and in no time they're both down to underwear when they encounter their first interruption.

fat nuggets is snuffling at angel's thigh and angel breaks away laughing and cooing at his pet and husk is laughing and feeling fond watching angel, nearly naked and still straddling his waist, snuffle his nose against nugg's and then cradle the demon pig into his chest. and then husk asks about when angel got nuggs, and that's kind of a boner killer - which angel of course tells him - but husk has always been more interested in knowing angel than fucking angel (there are moments where it is barely stronger, but it still wins out in the end) so he asks to hear it. and angel tells him about getting fat nuggets from val, a gift, but then he of course has to expound on how val's gifts always have strings attached, which should have been his first red flag when he's reflecting on it - which he does, a lot, reflect on the events that led him where he is. and he stops himself, embarrassed that he's turned their last-night-alive-fuck-sesh into a trauma dump. but husk pulls him in, lets angel duck his head into his chest, and he starts purring because he knows there's some funky psychological shit that makes people feel calmer when they hear a cat purr. (and it works, but no one will ever be sure if it's because of the purring or just being so close to husk)

and husk starts sharing some of the mistakes he made in his past, the things that led him to being an overlord, to making that deal with alastor in the end... he doesn't tell angel everything, there are things angel is safer not knowing, but he tells him the important things. the things he cares about. and at some point the intimacy of it all leads them back together. fat nuggets is deposited safely on the floor and encouraged to go lay in his own bed for the night, and then angel is back on husk and husk flips them over so he can lock angel between his knees and leave bites and kisses over angel's chest and just do everything he can to keep angel making those little noises, little huffs and gasps and moans. and soon each sound was punctuated with a little thrust, angel's hips twitching up against him, and then they're rocking into each other and one of angel's hands fly out, up against the wall, knocking three little polaroids off the wall and onto angel's face and they both lose their rhythm as they start laughing. and husk starts collecting the pictures from around angel's head and glances at them as he hands them back to angel. and angel looks at the top one, it's a selfie he took with fat nuggets, and he turns it back to husk because look how CUTE WE ARE, and husk agrees, and watches as angel flips to the next one and he lingers there for just a moment before tossing them off to the side, but it was just long enough that husk could almost -

so he asks what that one was and angel tries to steer them back to the matter at hand - their still hard dicks, which he emphasizes with another roll of his hips, and husk does agree that this would be the more immediately enjoyable decision, but he can't help but ask about the name. 'who's molly?' and angel tries to brush it off, tries to direct husk's mind back to his cock, but hearing the name out loud broke a dam in his mind and now it's flooding and he's crying - he didn't even realize that picture was still up there - but that's because he covered it with the selfie of him and nuggs. he never had the heart to take it down, but he couldn't keep looking at it.

so angel sits up and pulls his legs into his chest and he grabs the polaroid he'd just tossed aside and holds it out for husk to see. it's just a picture of him, poorly forcing a smile and holding one of his arms out into the empty space next to him. in that space, a crude stick figure rendition of a more feminine version of himself - at least, that's what husk saw - with an arrow pointing down from the name 'molly'. angel tells him that it was a stupid thing he did, to try to make himself feel better - a long time ago, one of his clients was a therapist, who apparently got off on listening to other people's traumas. as angel was putting his clothes back on the therapist suggested he take a picture of himself and draw molly in, to physically represent that she's always with him, even if she's not literally with him or whatever. angel thought the exercise was stupid, but after he did it he couldn't just get rid of it. so it went on his wall, and when he couldn't look at it anymore he just covered it up. and that, of course, is their second boner killer conversation as angel tells husk about molly in life, and how he's never found her but he isn't sure if that means she's not here, or if she doesn't want to be found. he obviously doesn't think she should be in hell, but with their lives he's terrified that she didn't make the cut either.

and that's probably the lowest the evening goes, but they end there with angel's head in husk's lap and husk's fingers carding through angel's hair and just to break the tension angel makes a joke about ruining their last-chance-fuck-fest once again, and husk tells him that nothing's ruined. he likes this, just being around angel, talking, getting to know who he is and why he is the way he is and understanding him. and angel tells husk how fucking gay that is, but also kisses him in an even gayer way, and the night is just that.

they were fully intending the fuck each other's brains out, but then they'd get distracted with a thought, a question, a story. they weren't all as serious as previous conversations, husk tells angel all about his favorite brands of cereal and angel tries to convince husk that there absolutely is a wrong way to boil an egg. husk tells angel about a wild night he had once when he was new to hell, and angel tells husk about some of his nights out with cherri. and suddenly its really late and they do need to sleep - but they don't willingly fall asleep. they probably fall asleep mid-sentence or mid-kiss because it isn't that either of them just wants to sleep with the other before their possible last day around.

they just don't want to waste a single, final moment without each other. because if this is going to be their last night together, they have to cling to as much of each other as they can. they have to get as close as possible, and hold the other as tight as possible, to make up for the time they didn't use and the time they're about to lose.

..... but the night after they SURIVIVED? they railed each other on every single surface in husk's room. (angel didn't want to scar fat nuggets)

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝐻𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝐴 𝑀𝑢𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑟

Warnings: Heavy descriptions of death, Clickers, mentions of blood and trauma, Joel and reader being harsh to each other, implying on not being enough, mentions of SA

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

“Look, all I'm saying that a boyfriend would be good for you Y/N! I didn't insult you or anything!”

“It's an insult for me, Tommy and since when are you a matchmaker?”

“Since my best friend decided that it was a good idea to spend her life alone in a shitty world!”

You chuckled under the mask at his playfullnes and shook your head in fake disappointment. Ever since he rescued you, he and Maria had been nothing but kind to you, even having you over their house almost all the time in the town they made, Jackson. You were grateful for the second chance given to you, and in exchange you wanted to keep the town and everyone living in it safe...

Therefore suggesting to take over an iron factory, and creating a weapon strong enough to kill whoever stood before you...

Who knew an anime would come true?

“Is it not heavy for you? We’ve been walking for quite some time...” he asked, eyeing the heavy weapon over your hips apprehensively, which caused you to raise a brow playfully.

���No, it’s not... I’m used to wearing them all the time Tommy, and besides I was meaning to ask you something.” He groaned at you not caring about what he said once again, dismissing the topic entirely but nodded nonetheless while cutting the plants that made it harder to move. It wasn’t like he wanted your bad, he just wanted you to be happy with someone who could understand you, be there for you...

But it seemed that your decision was made.

“You and Maria normally send me to further areas, you know close to bandits and Fireflies to kill them... Why are we patrolling a dead city?”

“Because... I don’t know, I just felt like there was gonna be something important...” he mumbled and looked to the back of the building you two were standing on, watching the area on a rooftop with guns ready. It wasn’t a good explaination, it wasn’t enough to convince you but you trusted him.

Besides it wouldn’t be too bad to go some sightseeing-

Seeing a movement in front of a building away, you squeezed your eyes to see it and cocked your gun out to zoom on them. Humans... Two humans, entering a building where there were probably a bunch of infected...

“Oh Jesus fuck..! Uhh, Tommy? I’m gonna say something but you aren’t gonna gasp and choke, okay?”

In the end, he did it anyways and you both ran to save whoever they were. Adrenaline pumped through you, getting slightly excited to kill an infected but you two rather found...

“Bandits... always popping out from somewhere...” you sneered angrily while ducking behind a wall, watching them taunt a little girl. You knew how bad those fuckers were and hurriedly made a plan. Tommy would circle behind them to get whatever you two needed while you dealed with them and later, you two would decide on what to do with the girl.

“Hello there~”

And in the end, they weren’t that strong to do any harm to you. All of them laid either dead or unconsccious, which was good enough for you turn and worry over the girl who had been watching you with wide eyes. She had never seen someone be so fast and strong, someone especially a woman make people shake in fear.

You were the first one she saw, after Joel...

“Hey, kid... Are you oka-“

“JOEL, DON’T!” Your body hit the ground harshly with a man on top of you, trying to attack you. The sight of a man above you brought unpleasant memories, resulting in your pulling your legs to yourself and kicking his stomach, knocking the air out of him. You brought your sword above your face as the man tried to hit you with one of his knives. You both grunted at the sheer force both sides applied and you widened your eyes at how the veins in his arms were popping.

Holy shit, just how strong is he-

“Joel, stop! She didn’t hurt me, she saved me!” Ellie screamed at Joel in fright, shaking off the ropes around her wrists to make him stop. The anger and adrenaline started to go away at hearing her voice and Joel was able to see what's in front of him...

A woman...

The red wore off and he got up on his feet while you jumped up and pointed yoyr sword to him, while he watched you warily with his hand above. “What the fuck you asshole? I saved your lives and this is the thanks?!”

Though you screamed, your face was still neutral with no hint of just how much you were scared a few minutes ago. “No one wanted your help, woman! Who the hell are you anyways?”

Before you could have opened your mouth, Tommy appeared from the door way and you instinctively tried to move closer to him...

But the sight of both men widening their eyes and slowly walking to each other made you and the young girl tilt your heads confused.

“Tommy?”

“Brother?”

Ain’t no way...

“For fucks sake, just when I think it couldn't be worse...” you sighed exasperatedly while swinging your sword around. Tommy chuckled and hugged Joel happily, seeing him well and alive had been one of his dreams and he never thought that the people they would be saving were them...

“It’s good to see you in one piece, brother.”

“It sure is, Tommy... God, I can’t believe- Where the hell were you?”

“I strayed a bit but then found a community, a safe place. I save the survivors and bring them there with her. You’re lucky that we have been patroling here and that she was here with me.” Joel eyes your form looking at Ellie’s wounds and helping her, still apprehensive of you. If the life he lived tought him something, it was to never trust anyone.

Especially ones who had such force with them, like you.

Seeing him look at you with pure bad intentions, non-trusting eyes, Tommy sighed and patted his shoulder. He knew that it would take a while for him to get used to you, with your snarky comments and his grumpy nature, but he hoped that you two would get along well. “ Look, I know what you’re thinking but she isn’t all that bad. You attacked her first and she did what any normal human would-“

“I can hear you two talking behind me, guys. I’m not deaf.” You pointed a knife to them carelessy while your back was turned and your crouched down to inspect her wound, to wrap a bandage around it.

“ Good, you were meant to...” You rolled your eyes at the man who stepped closer to you and looked at the girl closely for any injuries, and the ghost of a smile over his lips almost made you faint because holy shit, he actually smiles other than insulting!

“I don’t care if my brother trusts you, I don’t. And until I do, you aren’t getting close to us.”

“Oh yeah, and what were you planning to do with all the bandits and infected around?”

“What I have been doing for the past years, kid. Kill them. Something you clearly are bad at. Who do you think you are, just because you killed some men?”

“ Just a humble trash can trying to roll my way through life, old man. Who are you?” Normally you would have bit down your tongue and keep your sarcasm to yourself, especially in a situation like that. But all your comments always amused Tommy, and now Ellie too.

But not Joel.

All the things, all the deaths happened in front of him and all the stress came out like tide waves. Even a man like him had a limit and unfortunately, you were the one who was at the reciveing end.Both Tommy and and Ellie yelled at him when he cornered you against a wall, sneering at you but you didn’t phase. Men, no longer scared you. Especially those who were like Joel.

“Listen, if you think you can win me over with those sarcasm,  think again. I have seen and experineced more than you, lost more than you-“

“Oh yeah? I didn’t know your mind was amongst what you lost but here is the drill: You’re calling me selfish and mighty, but look at you, thinking your pain is worse than anyone. Let me tell you something quick, motherhugger,” you said, pointing your knife that always stood hidden to his stomach which caused him to step away from you and put a distance while he watched you with angry eyes, shocked to see such passion from you while Tommy tried to stop you from potentially killing him or saying anything you might regret later.

Because he knew that you would be offending him in the most dangerous way.

“ Maybe you lost someone dear to yourself, but trust me everyone in this room lost everything they had! We all faced death, and no one acts like the apocalypse only hit them! So, stop thinking with your dick above your head and let go of-“

The first rule of a zombie apocalypse was to be always careful for any movement around you...

The second one was to be silent...

And guess which one you didn’t apply?

The only sound that would stop an entire room and go silent in this world, was the sound of a Clicker.

And the only thing that would be able to scare Tommy, was four of them standing right before your group.

Joel thought that you would scream or trash around while he had to be the one handling the situation, but to his surprise you went silent and unmoving as a corpse, eyes strictly trained on the Clickers, watching them lurk deeper inside the building. Your eyes turned to Tommy who was keeping Ellie silent, and he shook his head agressively at what your eyes told him. Rolling your eyes at him, you nudged your head towards Joel and signed to him.

Tell your brother to let me go and deal with them before more of them comes...

“You can’t do that... There are so many of them, they never lurk alone...” he whispered angrily before you made a face that made him shut up.

“Cut the shit, Tommy... I’m the only one with the gear and you know of the things I did with this. So, Joel, move your ass so that I can save your asses.”

Lightly shoving him away from you, Joel made a move to stop you from getting yourself killed when Tommy stopped him with a shake of his head and he stayed back while you slowly moved away from them, an eye on the ground looking at the soil while Ellie nudged Tommy to ask what you were doing and he silently whispered to not alert anymore of them.

“ The infected are connected through soil, like a hive. One movement on the part where they are connected and a thousand of them would come... She is looking out so that she wouldn’t alert any...”

Joel nodded in amazement, his anger from before dying out and watching you walk cautiously. He didn’t expect someone to know that much, and probably that was one of the reasons you survived...

She wouldn’t be a bad partner... I guess...

It is odd, you thought while looking over the walls that had many fungi attached to it. When there were four of them here, now none could be seen except the ones glued to the wall at the corners in an odd shape.

They couldn’t have died that soon, right?

“Holy mother of rectangles...” Tommy and Joel turned to each other at your voice from the other side and followed the same path as you. When they entered they saw you closely looking at one of the infected with an amazed look and an unknown protective side made Joel run to you and snatch you away, not caring you utter in shock and amazement.

“Don’t come here! Those things spread spores like shit, you could get infected...” you held a spare mask out to him, urging him to take while he looked at you a bit baffled but accepted nonetheless. He took his lighter over his shoulder to put it on, and didn’t hold back from asking. “Why are being worried about me? Thought you wanted me dead?”

“Just because I'm helping you doesn't mean I care. Your death would be a minor inconvenience in my end but a major one on his. That’s all.” You said, pointing to where Tommy and Ellie were looking to find something while him and you were crouched down next to the body on the ground. What his brother said raked through Joel’s mind, that you knew a lot and that was one of the reasons you survived for so long, and at first he didn’t believe like any sane man. You didn’t look much older than 40, and you would have been a 20 something when the Outbreak happened...

But his curiousity got the best of him.

“You’re lookin’ at the body as if you had been doing that for a long time...”

“Do what exactly?”

“Inspecting bodies, analyzing, that type of shit.”

Snorting slightly at him and how he said all of those, probably understanding no shit, and how unfazed he was even after you telling him that you were fine with leaving him dead- though you didn’t really mean it- you bit your lip and got up while dusting yourself. “I used to do science when I was younger, anotomy always fascinated me... Too bad that... I can’t...” your voice slowly died down and Joel shook his head in question why you did so suddenly when his lighter found the two Clickers standing behind you and his eyes widened in fear...

What would have been a worry for his life only, now has spread to your life too... And it scared him more than the Clicker before him.

You looked ahead, not moving an inch, fearing that they might caught you and looked over to Tommy to see him with wide, scared eyes and a terrified Ellie. It was no wonder, Tommy had been your best friend for so long and Ellie was just a kid...

But what caught you off guard was that Joel having the same expression on his handsome face-

Wait, did I think of him as handsome or...

You squeezed your eyes momentarily and re-opened them, feeling their disgusting breath on your neck while the clicking sounds they made sent shivers down your spine. Your hand twitched, tingled to get a hold of your weapon and kill them...

And that was what you will be doing.

The swishing sound of a sword being pulled out alerted them and they ran to get to where the voice came from and Joel yelled curses at you while Tommy knew what was gonna happen in a few minutes.

Joel and Ellie watched you with shock as you swinged your swords to your back while the four Clicker from before came closer and killed them with one, clear cut, sending their head flying away. Unfortunately,  one of them hit the connection while dropping and the body you were inspecting before suddenly came back to life...

And Joel was its closest prey.

With a pounding heart, you readied yourself to throw the sword to him but a Runner came from nowhere and sent you tumbling down. It went straight to your neck, trying to bite on you but your sword stopped it from getting any close and with a kick to its body, it went away from you but not enough.

It’s not a big deal, that’s enough distance...

Taking out the axe you kept on your back, you cut its neck and it limped before going down and choking on its blood. You huffed out in relief, not having a zombie all over you when a gluttural growl made you turn swiftly to see that two more of them tried to attack Joel, Ellie And Tommy, the last one dropping his gun and being cornered alongside the other two. Not stopping to think even for a second before throwing both swords right at the back of the two Clickers, you sent them into the sweet embrace of death.

Tommy slumped back in relief and for a second, you thought the older male had heart attack when he snapped his neck up and scolded you angrily.

“If I die, I'm haunting you first, you crazy woman! Stop giving me scares all the god damn time! I’m old...” you giggled at him and pulled him up while Ellie did the same and pulled him to the exit with a deep heave.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous Tommy! At least your ghost would be stuck with a chick like me!”

Ellie, now shaking with amazement and a slight, barely-there fright let out a curse and you turned to look at her while pulling the swords out from the bodies and cleaning them for now.

“Whatever possessed you to do that should possess you more often... You just went woosh, and they went bam!” you smiled sweetly at the girl, kinda starting to have an impression how she was. She had the mouth of a sailor, that one was for sure. She was witty, and snarky much like you but still, there was a sweetness that coated her that you just wanted to hug her...

Not in your current state though.

Joel grumbled under his breath, and you bit your lips hard at hearing it. It seemed that no matter what you did, he would still hate you. And you didn’t see, but Tommy gave him dead stare for what he said, for causing slight tears to appear in your eyes.

“yeah it came a bit late... No wonder people died on her...”

“That’s it! What’s your problem with me, huh?” you took fast steps to him, panting angrily and feeling your hands go cold in fight or flight mode. Chest to chest while he looked down on you and chuckled humorlessly...

And spat his poison unmercilessly.

“ My problem is your saviour complex, honey. You act all smart and strong but I can see your true shit. You are a little girl who wasn’t able to do shit before, and thinks she is at the top of the world because she saved three people now...”

Snap...

Something snapped inside, heart breaking inside. You didn’t have to be reminded of your failures, of the count of how many people you had lost and how much blood you had on your hand Right at that moment, looking inside his brown eyes, all you wanted was to hurt him. Make him feel the same kind of pain he inflicted on you...

“You know what? You’re right... But at least I don’t act like I’m a saint when I killed people willingly. I worked my ass off to save them, to protect them when you only shed blood of others because your little heart was hurting. At least I got to save people, when you couldn’t save any...”

And with that, you slipped away and to the car outside to drive back to Jackson while Tommy and Joel had a scuffle with Tommy stopping Joel and defending you, calling out to how shitty he behaved and how he had to get along with you if he was gonna live in the city.

Damn, it’s gonna be one hell of a journey with them, right?

“Hey...”

“Hey.”

You watched the girl you saved alongside the man earlier, Ellie and Joel, you learnt later, sat down in front of you with a cautious yet noncholant face which made you raise a brow at her in question. For someone who had been chased by a Clicker, she seemed like she didn't care and was rather interested in your guns and fighting skills. Ever since you brought them to the safe zone you had helped Tommy and Maria build and protect, she always asked you questions about the “Tactical Gear” you had made which was the same gear the people in an anime you used to watch when young.

Happy, unaware of the future and your only worry being getting good grades...

But those days were no more.

Now all there was is blood, chaos and death in the apocalyptic world. Busses that once drove kids to school was now left to wither, the memories of the good days now a distant memory. Buildings that was once the sign of how strong the human kind was crushed under the heavy smell of death...

Mother Nature, in the end, took her sweet revenge in the most deadly way possible and you had no one to blame except yourself, and other humans.

The only part where you felt like crawling into your bed and cry like a little kid, was the children. So many times you crossed paths with them, and so many times there was nothing to do for them.

Except granting them a quick death.

It wasn’t by shooting, but a kind of poison to put them in a deep sleep, one that they could never wake up from...

One that you made back when you weren’t in Jackson, one that you used all of your scientific knowledges....

“So, uh... Ellie, right?” she nodded at you happilly and looked at you as if you were a star which made you chuckle slightly. You liked the girl for the smart-ass she was, and hearing her roast Joel was way funny to you.

And you guessed that they were both hungry and Tommy couldn’t cook anything to save his life. “I believe you’re hungry, as well as Joel. Do you like chicken?”

And if there was any reasons to not like you for Ellie, there was absolutely none, now that you offered the best looking full course of meal to her. “Holy shit, you made all these?!”

“Hmm, Jackson is far larger and bigger than you think it is. We have a healthy farm, and clean soil to grow food. The weather is fine here, too.”

“You are my second favourite person from now on, gosh this tastes amazing!” you smiled warmly at the blush on her cheeks and how happy she trully looked. It has been a while since I saw a kid genuinely happy in this shithole, you couldn’t help but think and sat down before her with a hum and a groan at the bruise forming on your back after being thrown away by one of the fuckers you saved them from.” Well, I guess it’s a good thing but who is the first one for you hmm?”

“Joel, of course. He found me and saved me first and you did for the second place.”  She didn’t lie when she said that, surprised that you actually thought of the man who insulted you, riduculed you right in front of them. You actually didn’t do it for his own good, buth for the sake of Tommy and it showed in the way your face twisted angrily.

Ah, that pain in the ass of a man...

You couldn’t help but let a scowl appear on your face, lips snarling and eyes burning. Ellie let out a “opps” and gulped down the last bit of her water hurriedly. “So, uh I know you and him don’t get along, after that exchange...”

She remembered how you went back and forth between throwing snarky comments at each other while walking back to the cars... With you not giving him a fuck which annoyed him more.

“Are you even listening, woman?!”

“Yes, it just takes some time for me to process all the stupidity all at once!”

Or that when time when you killed a horde of infected as cool as a cucumber that this time, it was him who couldn’t keep his tongue. “ She is crazy! It’s been a few hours that I knew her and I started to think I reached the bottom of it... Seems like there is a whole underground city there!”

Or that time when neither she nor Tommy understood whether you and Joel were flirting or fighting...

“ Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying, you newborn baby?!”

“Nah, darling but probably both...”

Ellie knew that he was both irritated and impressed by you, but apparently the only thing you felt for the man was... anger, by the angry scrubbing ot the plate as expected. Normally, she would boost whoever was making fun of him or having an argument but through time, she came to love him like a father, knew his soft side whenever he would shield her or give her the warm place to sleep.

So, she wanted you to see that side too.

“You know... Even though he doesn’t talk much, I know that Joel only talked like that because of the pain. He lost many people.”

“I know that Ellie, trust me. Even if he sees me some kind of a kid when I’m a whole ass adult.” You sighed exasperatedly and continued with cleaning around the kitchen while the girl watched you with keen eyes. Ever since you found them, she had been watching you, observing you. You mostly kept to yourself, never giving more than a few curt answers to them while walking ahead of the group, eyes careful for the slight noise that would alert you.

But deep down, she knew that you had a good, kind heart. She saw how you tried to give the quickest blow on those who were infected so that they wouldn’t hurt any longer than they already did, how you helped around the people around the safe zone...

You reminded her of how Joel was, she knew that he was amazed by you even though he said you were being stupid, and even though she heard Tommy talk about how Joel was at the first year of the outbreak... He still had enough goodness to help her and do what he was doing now.

Save as many as possible.

While she pouted at the thoughts running through her mind, she flinched when she heard the harsh thud of your hand on the counter and saw you bent over it while panting hard.

Anger, it was anger coursing through you.

It wasn’t like you hated his guts, no. You understood why he was the way he was, harsh and even rude, and for the sake of Tommy, you didn’t say anything but his behaviour...

He was acting like he was the only one who lost everything.

And he had no right for that.

“ I can understand the pain he went through Ellie, really. But you can’t tell me that he is the only one. Fred, Dina, Eric, everyone! Even Gustavo, the ever cheerful man, lost someone!” your chest heaved up and down, harsh breaths leaving you while memories of your past life resurfaced.

Blood, screams, tears, more blood...

Ellie was, for once, left speechless as you burst out. She had seen some people do that, not in front of her though, and thought of you to be that invincible woman.

But the dangling bracelet said otherwise.

She felt her heart pound at her chest, breaking a little as the single tear that ran down your cheek and scooted closer to your form on the chair sitting defeatedly, playing with that red string your sisters gave to you before they...

“I used to have a family too, despite what might people think...” She gasped silently at the words, realizing you wanted to tell her your story, unaware of the man standing behind you.

“You know the kind where they annoyed each other but loved everyone so much? Yeah, that was my life. My only worry was to get high grades, graduate and do what I love. I would occasionally take care of my two sisters, who were in my opinion little gremlins, who wouldn’t leave me alone.” Ellie smiled at that, even though she didn’t know what you were talking about. But she understood that they were your family, people to be always there for you and... she knew that feeling.

“ Before the shit went down, they came barging in my room in the middle of studying and begged me to close my eyes, putting the bracelet around my wrist happily. They said that even if they annoyed me, it was because they loved me and that I was the best big sister ever... And then, the infection happened, everything went to south and now we were trying to survive while protecting our mental health.” Looking at the almost worn out bracelet in thought, your heart clenched painfuly at your chest and you brought a hand to where your heart was, rubbing it for some comfort while Joel watched you with wide eyes and guilt crawling inside him like a spider.

Never in his long life would he think that someone so stern, rude and cold would endure all of these... Endure what happened to him. He felt the sharp pricks of guilt hit him heavily and after 20 years, he felt like a total douche for treating you with nothing but harshness. He remembered how he said that it was normal for people to die on you, as if you weren’t capable enough to protect and fight...

And how it affected you...

But, a part of him wanted to listen more, hear more about you and your story. He felt like you wouldn’t be this vulnerable with anyone, let alone him after asking about you around the town only to receive shrugs, and this was his one chance at understanding you and he shuffled closer to the door when you spoke again.

“ It was first my mom, who got infected. My dad, the man I thought that wouldn’t break, couldn’t kill her and after securing my sisters, he gave me his gun and told me to kill both of them... I was just 16-17 or something, I didn’t understand why he was doing it. But soon got my answers when he let her bite him and he too became one of them. That was my first two kills, to protect my sisters. Even to this day I still blame my dad for everything that happened but a part of me understood why. He just didn’t want to be without her, knowing that he was her killer... But wanted me to live as their killer.”

“You aren’t their killer, I’m sure that they also know it. Humans had done far worse things than that and I dunno, I just feel like they are happy you did that because if you didn’t, someone else would and you would be both dead.”

“Maybe, you’re right... Still doesn’t help though. Anyways after that, I did anything, anything to protect them. I became the shell of the girl I was, killed mercilessly, trained non-stop and became one of the most feared woman. I raised two girls when I was a child, protected them from the insane part of humans...” you spat the last sentence disgusted and both Joel and Ellie tilted their heads at the meaning behind it.

“What do you mean by that?”

Chuckling humorlessly, you faced the girl with a sad stare. You didn’t want her to know everything, but she too was a girl and the world that waited her wasn’t good anymore.

It was her destiny.

“You don’t know, but the way women and children were treated when this shit didn’t happen was bad. Women was raped, children was kidnapped, there were pedophiles who raped or assaulted kids... And those all happened even when there were laws and governments. No punishment was given, and police wouldn’t do anything about it... What do you think would happen to them in a world like this?”

Joel clenched his hands angrily at what you said, knowing how bad it was. He remembered how many times he watched them on the breaking news, how Tommy and Sarah would look in disgust and worry...

No wonder you had been that cold to him, and was able to knock the air out of him when he jumped on you, thinking of you another bandit, fear evident on your orbs for a second.

His heart softened at everything he learnt, how similar your lives were. Your sisters are lucky to have you, they would be good friends with Ellie- Seriously, where are they? The house seems empty-

“I’m... I’m sorry.” Ellie seriously didn’t know what she should think. She wasn’t stupid by any means, she understood  what you meant and felt envy. She never had a person like that in her life, no one was there to protect her until Joel and she couldn’t help but wonder if you would do the same for her.

But a part of her, a part of humanity and child, wanted to meet them and see how amazing they were. Were they like you? Better? Where were they?

“Your sisters must be proud of you so much! I really want to meet them, where are-“

“I hope you never do, Ellie...” you smiled at her obvious innocence and squeezed your chest as if you were in pain at how she reminded you of them. Ellie tilted her head curiously, not understanding why you suddenly became 10 times older and why you didn’t want her to meet them...

But Joel did.

“No, don’t say that...”

“Because they are dead, Ellie... I killed her.”

Her mouth was left open at shock, not expecting that much to happen to you. She knew that a lot happened to you, that you did pretty unimaginable things... But this was too much even for a grown-up.

“How did it...” she asked unsure, her mind slowly realizing that you were no hero but a real human.

“The older one begged to come with me and I let her, she was 15 at the time. It was a simple mission but there were a bunch Clickers and one suddenly jumped at us. I was able to move away but... she wasn’t. It bit her and she begged me to kill her so that she wouldn’t turn to them. I had to do it and... well, she died between my arms.” You shrugged your shoulder as if it didn’t bother you anymore but in reality, you were crushing under it.

The way your sister screamed at you in anguish to kill her..

Sister, please! I don’t wanna be like them!

“And what about the other one?”

“The fuckers who hated me waited so that I would leave, they killed the man I trusted the youngest one with and kidnapped her... I searched everywhere, every place but... I guess she is also dead too... For days, I wasn’t able to wash off her blood and for months after that, the only thing I saw was blood of them...and the hands of a murderer...”

Silence welcomed you, Ellie was heartbroken for all the things that happened to you and even more amazed at how you still had that good side in you. She always wanted to be a strong woman, but now that an amazing role model was sitting down before her, she knew what her next goal was.

You gave a soft smile at the girl who was already worming inside your heart and got up, slapping your knees playfully and trying to ease the sad vibes.

“And that’s the story of how I became that cold bitch around here! I’m sorry I dumped my trauma at you but I guess, I kinda needed-“ your voice died down at the shocked man standing beside your door, hands crossed in front of his chest while he stood frozen, not expecting you to turn around so fast. Your face went pale at the realization, knowing that he heard everything. Clenching your hands thighter on your sides, Ellie’s curse went to deaf ear by both adults who were busy looking at each other.

And you were surprised to see a tear sitting at the corner of his eyes.

Joel wasn’t  a stranger to self-loathing, to hate himself more than anyone in this world. He, too killed people and most of the times, he didn‘t care. Maybe, that was one of the reasons he got angry at you for pointing that out.

Because you were right

The first night it all happened, he saw how humanity would go berserk with one little thing and how government would do anything to protect their power.

How they would kill without a reason and decided that why couldn’t he do that too, if the worl wanted him to?

But looking at you, he trully never believed you to be a murderer, even when his tongue betrayed him. Not because of your smaller form but for the way you still had compassion, saved people to get them to a safe zone. He was shocked to see many of town’s folk greeting you happily while children horded around you and jow sweetly you smiled at them even when you were dead tired. And for the first time ever since meeting you, he trully looked at you for you and saw how kind and nice you were. How authoritative you were but gentle enough to pat the heads of the children and selfless enough when one of the younger teen in your squead came rushing to you with a happy frin and whispered something in your ear that made you grin at the young boy.

He would never say it to your face, but he found you to be slightly annoying and pretty much impressing. The brutal force you used required to be trained all the time and your agility and stealth was not to be messed with.

It was enough for him to not realize that you sneaked upon him with him noticing.

He cursed at himself for being an asshole to you, especially after learning why you were the way you were. Tommy’s words rang in his mind and for once, he wished that he wasn’t right, that he wasn’t fucked up and needed to apologize...

You don’t know her story, Joel... You two are more alike than you realize...

Too bad that he only stood like a dumb young boy there, umable to form words which only fueled your anger.

You scoffed at him, even though he didn’t do anything bad particularly. But protecting your dignity was more important at that time and that was what you did.

“Wow you are really a douche enough to barge in my home and listen, huh? Didn’t expected that low from you, Miller.” You said, disappointed and tired while slipping away and into the street with Ellie running after you, worrying meanwhile Joel tried to find a way to do something he hadn’t done in a long time.

Apologize.

But for now, you didn’t want any apologies. You didn’t want to see people, and their pity.

You just needed air.

[starlightshadowsworld]

Agency informant Izaya

Spoilers for Stormbringer

The day Dazai truly realised how much Izaya meant to him and how much he trusted him, was the day he lost Odasaku.

However, the day Chuuya realised it came a whole lot sooner than that. Don't get him wrong, Chuuya liked Izaya. He had expected the worst when Dazai had introduced his friend.

Chuuya was surprised to see someone so human. Izaya was wicked intelligent, he was probably one of the few people who could follow Dazai's line of thoughts.

But he was kind and didn't hide it. Doing things like researching wines just to keep up with Chuuya in a conversation about something he was passionate about.

The way he acted was eerily similar to the Flags. Izaya didn't falter even if Chuuya was in a bad mood, he was patient and always bright.

Chuuya wondered sometimes if it would be a good or bad idea to introduce them. But it turns out he didn't need to make that choice.

The scene in Old World was horrifying but immediately Adam began talking. However, it wasn't his voice that was speaking. "Izaya?" A relieved sigh filled the air.

"The one and only, I do apologise for the nightmare fuel but the bodies your seeing aren't real."

Chuuya frowned, walking to Lippman and inspecting the body. While it looked horrifically lifelike, it was fake.

"How did you..."

"Dazai let it slip you were being hunted down at our weekly chess game." Even without him being there, Chuuya could picture the anger on Izaya's face hearing the news.

"I did some digging, figured who his targets were and had your friends moved to a secure location." Izaya's voice became a lot more gentle "they're all here, say hi guys."

The collective "hi" from everyone shouldn't have made tears well up in Chuuya's eyes but it did.

They were safe, they were all safe and alive.

"But how you get the bodies and set this up so fast?" Asked Chuuya, curious. Izaya and Dazai would've had their game about 4 hours ago.

"Your friend, who I sincerely apologise for hijacking by the way, isn't the only one of his kind. While not as sophisticated, robots like him do exist. And I have more than a few people who owe me a favour."

Even so this was a lot of blood, and unlike the bodies it was real. As if reading his mind, Izaya carried on.

"The blood was the hard part but I contacted Mori and told him the situation. We made a deal, should the time ever arise I owe him a favour one I can't refuse. And he supplied me with what I needed now from the Port Mafia's blood bank."

Chuuya's eyes widened in shock.

"You... You made a deal, with the Port Mafia just to help me?"

"Of course." Said Izaya like it was nothing big. And it hit Chuuya just how much he cared about him. Izaya had put himself in danger, just to help him.

Despite befriending himself and Dazai, Izaya firmly stayed away from the Port Mafia's buisness. And especially from Mori who has his eyes on him for a long time.

The Flags had risked their necks by being close to him. For giving him proof he was human behind the Boss's back.

All because they cared about him.

They shouldn't, he was more trouble than he was worth but Chuuya couldn't feel anything but relief.

"Got any ideas for what comes next?"

Izaya chuckled "of course, but for that we should meet in a more secure location. The phone lines are bugged and as fun as this is, I should give your friend back his voice soon."

Adam came back, grumbling but he seemed relieved. Chuuya write down the address and started to move out with Adam in tow.

For the first time since thus shit begun, Chuuya felt like everything was going to be okay.

"Wait, what about you? He'll be after you." Chuuya ignored that he'd basically just realised and admitted Izaya was important to him.

Izaya's voice returned momentarily. "Oh don't worry about me. I'm a lot more difficult to kill that people realise. Besides, I've got a plan.

[lollytea]

I love your idea of super pda huntlow bc it goes nicely with the idea of “very behind the doors, make sure no one is watching, send the palismen to play, if someone catches us it’s all over” kind of kisses I think they had in the human realm. Of course, it’s not a shame from each other but the guilt of like “hey this isn’t the time for this, we need to focus and be the strong ones bc if we fall apart then everyone else does too” but also “we’re teens and titan help me bc you’re literally the cutest person I’ve ever been attracted to and a quick peck won’t hurt if no one finds out”.

Hahaaaaa how I so badly love that trope that's like

"We shouldn't"

"I know....but I'd like to..."

"....okay."

Love to put it in a fic at some point. Maybe soon.

I don't imagine a lot of romantic intimacy happened between them while they were in the Human Realm. At least not outside of flirting. Nothing physical is what I'm saying. Mostly because of the body language of the pinky scene. Its such a tentative, scared, inexperienced offer of affection that it leads me to believe that they never would have done anything more than that before.

HOWEVER I still see your visions. I love entertaining visions. And this is a very fun vision to entertain.

I think the two of them are dealing with their situation in very different ways. It's shown in TTT that Hunter seems to take a bit of guilt in focusing on anything that's not relevant to getting them back home, and worse, actually enjoying it. How can he have fun at a time like this, know? That's his mindset.

Meanwhile Willow seems to be focusing very heavily on her own distractions so she doesn't fall apart, and also keeping the calm, fun, goofy optimistic atmosphere so her friends don't fall into the depths of despair.

Hunter is a nice distraction. He's very sweet and very pretty. And when she's feeling rattled from nightmares of her Dads' dead bodies, she likes to sit with Hunter and listen to him talk about whatever silly shit he's obsessed with this week. It's a lot healthier than sneaking some of Camila's wine.

Hunter is picking up on some signals from Willow but he's too scared to ask her upfront if she's doing what he thinks she's doing. It would be mortifying if she said no. And since they live in the same house, he wouldn't be able to hide.

But he's pretty sure she wants to kiss him. And he's pretty sure he wants to kiss her too. But if he did, his focus on their current mission would be in shambles.

But also he's like...very weak willed when it comes to Willow. It doesn't take much prodding. The moment she asks ("Can I kiss you? Sorry...that came out of nowhere. You just look very kissable right now") all of his walls crumble and he's silently nodding.

Just a little kiss. That's all it is. It's not like it's all that important.

Even tho they can NOT let anybody else know.

I like thoughts about the two oldest characters who do everything in their power to be safe, comforting figures to the others, just having a moment to be young and scared together.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Time travel, it's a funny thing really, even funnier when you take in account all the different interpretations of its inner workings. So, what if we take out boy Spider, and put him in yet another ridiculous situation like we usually do? By that I mean sending him back before even the events of the first film and letting the chaos ensue.

Spider being, well, himself wants to fix whatever he can because he's just built like that. Problem with that is time doesn't like being messed with and will throw hands to keep things as they are. What now? you may ask. Well, Spider is not one to give up easily, he'll roll up his non existing sleeves, put on his game face and.... fail miserably, dyeing a horrible death in the process.

And what now? you may ask again. You're right to be confused, but you're forgetting that there's still a baby to be born to one of the worst of the demons and a pilot, one who is yet to even be called Spider. That's right, this is a time loop.

This one will live trough life, doing the same things as the first one, getting sent back, until he too fails the same way. Then the next one, and the one after that, will do the same, on and on until, eventually, one decides to leave behind a clue for his (future/present/past?) self, just in case. And the dominoes start falling from there.

I won't go into detail of what he does because it would be way to long, but it's basically millions upon millions of tries until he get's to the "golden" run, where he's basically herding people around into "safe spots" without them knowing. Yes, he did throw a fire extinguisher at Quaritch so he would miss Grace's vitals, she still had to transfer but it worked this time (thus Kiri being born, but with her bio mom being alive and well. I leave the rest to your imagination.)

That leaves us with pretty much everyone alive (Yes, Sylwanin is alive. That's how far back he went) and casualties on the human side being kept to a minimum.

All anyone clearly saw of future Spider was the human stranger with dreaded hair, standing over Quaritch's dead body right outside the shack Jake was in ( kinda dark, I know), leading to him becoming kind of his own legend amongst the na'vi (they do figure out he's been helping them all along, their not dumb) This is also why Jake decided to dread his hair, in honor of the stranger who was saving their asses from the background.

Sadly, Spider does die one final time, sufferings from an injury he got while saving Tsu'tey from doing that funny fall. That does fix the paradox of there being two Spiders sooo, win I guess?

After that, everything goes on as normal as it can be, what with everyone being alive and all. They do eventually find the clues left behind by the MANY Spiders and piece together what happened, they don't believe it at first, but all of that, combined with Spider growing up and becoming a spiting image of the stranger leaves them with little else (Imagine learning that your sister, father and a bunch of other important people to you are still alive only because the boy you hate for being the "Spawn of that demon" was sent back in time countless times, died countless deaths, all so everyone else could have a happier life, couldn't be me)

I'm also imagining that Eywa (She's more like a literal goddess here, not full on cosmic being, but enough to see trough time) saw all of it and at the half way point was like "PLEASE STOP! Even one was enough, just please!" all the while the embodiment of Spider's will was cackling like a gremlin " I ain't even half way done!"

Best of all, Miguel O'Hara can't do shit about it (The time loop is a cannon event)

So yeah, that's my thingy to you, a bit long (sorry!) but it is there.

Ooh, well I haven't seen a Spider time travel fic yet, only ones with the other Sully's or with the people from the first movie coming forward in time.

I do loooove a time loop, it's like a little mystery to figure out exactly how the perfect series of events can pan out. I love that Quaritch still dies though, that makes me happy. Spider of COURSE had to throw a fire extinguisher.

I am fascinated by how lonely his time in the past must have been. Especially if he was still a teenage boy. And if he went back as far as saving Sylwanin, dude was like so fucking old by the time they made it to the end there. He was older than Neytiri then so his ass was like nearing the end of middle aged. His bones are creaking their way around the forest. Where did he fucking live, how did he have the supplies to breathe and care for his human needs, how did no one notice him for like forty years?? So many questions.

Also hilarious to imply Eywa had nothing at all to do with this and was just watching.

[ninelivesastrology]

Single non-BIWOC who can't decenter men are so quick to tell you to break up with your boyfriend/husband because misery loves company. They know the rules are different for BIWOC because of perceived desirability/value.

They're so quick to say you're being used or that your partner doesn't love you when they're still playing Casting Couch on the first date and they're almost 40. No shade, I wouldn't care otherwise, but I've been judged by them, too.

tw: misogynoir, toxic friendships, ED, body dysmorphia, racial politics, astrologizing negative things, dogwhistling, racial fetishization, infidelity, fatphobia, anti-Blackness

They tell you to leave your partner because in my case, it would boost their self-esteem that I'm a BIWOC single mother. Whole time, their mom is a single mother. But this is the shit that insecure women wish on other women, they want the cycle to repeat, for someone's child to be as lost and miserable as they are. Damn, "fuck them kids," I guess.

I hate to test my friendships like that, but as I get older, the more I lose my non-BIWOC friends. Like if they're not (fully) Black or Indigenous, they're not safe for me because they need to unlearn and the truth is, they may never unlearn. That's not my problem.

The dating climate is shit anyway. It's been poisoned by incel rhetoric.

And it's not me, it's them. I tried to figure out what it is astrologically and to be honest, I have a very good idea. I think it's really compelling that women feel threatened by my appearance. Sometimes I feel like with my Venus in the 1H, I'm just a magnet for women who were attacked in some way or form by physical misogyny, such as being the "fat friend"—Mind you, early 2000s gave us all restrictive EDs—or being the "ugly friend" or being the "invisible friend" because you're friends with the popular girl or the "poor friend" or the "cheated on friend," then they enter this cycle where they need to feel superior to the people they're friends with in adulthood. Years of internalized misogyny.

But it's so different when you're BIWOC and especially different being categorized into those friendship hierarchies has a lot to do with being BIWOC and desirability politics. It's really sick. I have noticed a pattern of non-BIWOC starting friendships with me and it's all about them using me to feel better about themselves, but then they feel like I can have whoever I want over my looks and they're angry about it. Instead of me fulfilling the stereotype that I'm jealous of them, they're jealous of me. Every stereotype is really a projection.

I wasn't really socialized to define myself by my looks either, the body dysmorphia was rampant for years. At one point, I was the "ugly friend."

I just think back to that one Tiktoker that pissed everyone off, the one that said, "Yet every morning, you're looking at yourself in your full length IKEA mirror going, 'You're so hot, you're the prettiest girl in the world.' Okay, and? And even if that were true and let's be honest—*doubtful and shady white girl expression*—Who cares? Spell "Pharaoh." Tell me what the FTC does..." Yeah, she kind of cooked, because she was right, who cares? She subtly called out the people who use empty affirmations over their physical appearance to quell insecurity. I'm still crying, why was the spelling bee word pharaoh?

I think it's very important to mention age is a deeper part of this because the older certain types of women get, the more resentful they become and they need to take out their anger on someone. I wasn't socialized to date, let alone care about doing shit before a certain age. My face is not going to melt at 30.

And while men preach about women "hitting the wall" at 25, 22, 19 (the age is getting lower and lower, goal posts keep moving), that is not my problem. That is an entirely different problem that justifies harm towards a very impressional and powerless group of people.

Women are competing with teens for men in their age group. These are not men I would personally let near me with a 50 ft pole, but because women have been socialized to compete, they're falling for it. I 100% bet 7/10 30-40 year old men have their dating ranges from 18-29 and that 29 is GENEROUS.

The women were socialized to believe they would be married at 25 by the man of their dreams who lets them run their credit card up and lets them act like a baby who needs to be taken care of. It doesn't matter if they know how to cook or clean or not because the results are mixed for me. Usually the ones that can't cook or clean are looking for a replacement father figure. The ones that cook and clean have this conviction that it will keep their man. I don't know what to say besides "decenter men."

When they see a BIWOC woman with their boyfriend, husband, fiance and they have a kid, whether married or not, it eats them up, man.

Women look at my husband different because my husband is a dad. I got the Evil Eye on the train by a white woman because my husband was playing with our dumpling.

Can't gaslight me and tell me it's not because... My husband told me this story about his egg donor's friend having a meltdown at his egg donor's birthday party because her ex husband was there with a Black woman. My husband said based off this, he should've known that Xanny the Nanny would treat me the way she did (like a side-bitch to her man whole time she's playing the role of a side-bitch).

There are expectations non-BIWOC have for their lives and when they don't get their happy ending before a certain age, they lay ruin to everyone else's relationship.

And you know what's absolutely damning about 70% of the non-BIWOC friends I've had in the past 6 years? At one point or another, they've rubbed in it in my face about how Black men want them. Who knows if they're telling the truth? But it's a dogwhistle. It's like, "I can have access to your men anytime I want," and a threat because if I was with a Black man or because they think I want Black men, they'd want me to be paranoid. Oooh, scary, steal your man!!!! Jungle fever!!!

But this is the truth that's projected onto us.

Deep down, non-BIWOC women fear having their men stolen by BIWOC. They fear the light or dark BIWOC that has the privilege of desirability across all races. To some people, we're all the same.

I argue that men are men, but I have a track record of Asian, Black, white, Mixed, Latino men approaching me. White women, Latina women, but I never really got into the wlw scene, I was too pussy to go to a gay bar.

This is the consequence of painting master-slave relationships as forbidden romances and Pocahontas' trafficking as a love story. Every fucking BIWOC dating outside her race is smeared as a raceplayer who hates themselves. And there's a bunch of women lined up to make them hate themselves. Chaos is a fucking ladder and that's the racial hierarchy. And it's usually not even white women unless they have some really shitty self-esteem issue, usually revolving around their weight. The skinny white girls never breathe down my neck, but the big white girls have been my biggest bullies because they're lower in their own hierarchy.

And I don't hate non-BIWOC, I'm really indifferent towards them until they start trying to humble me and make me hate myself and compare myself to them. I wanna look like me, not you. 🤣 What a projection.

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Shell 4.8 Live Reactions

(This is me, writing reactions as I read, because why the fuck not. They're not complete, mature thoughts taken after I sit back and evaluate what I've read. Consider them as such)

I’d discovered facing down more than a dozen gunmen, thirty or so people with improvised weapons and a mad scientist with a fetish for bombs made me really, really appreciate what Bitch brought to the team.

:Cackle: Understandable, tho. She's really a 'I'd rather have her and not need her' sort of teammate, isn't she?

She rested her hand on the head of an ABB member standing in front of her jeep with a pistol in his hands.  He flinched at the touch.  “If the blonde opens her mouth again, open fire on their entire group.  I don’t care what the others have to say, but she stays quiet.”

Someone did their homework.

 “You’re the only one I don’t get.  Don’t know your powers.  But seeing how you and the skinny boy baited my ineffectual mercenaries, I think I’m going to play it safe and have you be quiet.  Maybe it’s a subsonic thing, altering moods as you talk, maybe it’s something else.  I dunno.  But you shut up, ‘Kay?”

Okay, not her homework, but she is improving the test not half-bad, I guess.

.  Enough fear, and they stop worrying about their own interests, stop wondering if they can usurp you, and they dedicate themselves entirely to making you happy.  Or at least, to keeping you from being unhappy.”

It also makes people happy to betray you the moment they think they can, and makes people not give you important news if it's bad news. Fear must be tempered.

What gesture would be effective enough that it would have their people running for the hills when they see me coming?”

Nothing? I mean, E88 has fought Lung before, I'm sure. The capes at least.

She didn’t do anything, didn’t say anything, didn’t offer any tell or signal.  There was a sound, like a vibrating cell phone on a table, and Park Jihoo liquefied into a soupy mess in the span of a second.

*shudder* Gyagghagah. That kind of shit is always a horrifying mental image.

“The six-eighteen!  I forgot I even made that one!  Perfect!  Better than I thought!”

But for me it was Tuesday?

If her job was to terrify, she’d succeeded.  With me, at least.  I wanted to throw up, but I’d have to take off my mask to do it, and I was afraid that if I moved, I’d get shot.  The fear of the guns was enough to override my welling nausea, but the end result was that I was shaking.  Not just trembling, but full body shakes that had me struggling to keep upright.

Yeah, I really can't blame Taylor for this one.

“I’d be too lazy to do that, even if I had your powers,” Regent said, “Can I approach the body?  Get a better look?”

Oh Regent, I'm sure this is you playing her, but also like... it's believable he'd just be that into it. Just a little. But I love that she was so sure she needed to shut Tattletale up and now she's letting the Master (even if his mastery doesn't involve his voice) who got raised by Heartbreaker chat it up.

I can think twelve moves ahead before you’ve even decided on your first. 

Anyone who unironically says that is about to get their ass handed to them, right? That is how it works, right?

Give the lunatic bomber a little respect.  I quietly voiced what Tattletale couldn’t. “Tone it down a notch, Regent,” I whispered.

I dunno. I think Regent has the right idea, actually. Sociopath to Sociopath and all that.

The camera-guy answered in an accented voice, “Good plan, Bakuda.”

I mean, is anyone ever gonna tell her that she has a bad plan?

I feel like she wouldn't react well to that. And we know how she handles not reacting well.

I saw a glimpse of chaos, of screaming people running from the place the explosion had happened in the midst of Bakuda’s own group.  The fleeing people were obstructing the view of the people with guns.

So she just blew one of her own people up just to be unpredictable?

Finally, there was Bakuda, still sitting on the side of the jeep.  She was either shouting something or laughing.  She was letting us slip from her grasp, her people were on the verge of killing one another in mindless panic, and she’d just killed at least one of her own people on a whim.  From what we’d just seen of her, I was willing to bet she was laughing as it all happened.

Honestly feels just a little bit contrived, tbh. Though maybe it will feel less so once I've read the next chapter

[yakuzacanons]

If you're still taking requests, how would the boys help out their s/o that has scars/trauma around dogs?

Such a good ask, I have a few family members that struggle with this actually so I can kinda draw from some experience here. This is a relatively short one, just because my other recent post about comforting an s/o dealing with emotional/mental shit is up and a lot of it can be cross referenced here. Headcanons below da cut.

Kazuma Kiyru

He'll ask the kids to keep Mame away from you, especially since Mame barks a lot. If you decide you want to try to overcome this fear, he'll allow it but he'll keep a watchful eye and will notice if you've hit your limit. Not mindful of scars at all, as he has plenty himself. Very big protector energy, super understanding, never judgemental.

Majima Goro

Type of idiot to say "Dontcha worry, if a dog tries to bite ya, I'll just bite it back!" which doesn't really help but at least makes you laugh. Totally isn't afraid to tell strangers if the dog they're walking is barking at you too much, saying things like "Ya gots to be mindful of other people, ya know!". As for scars, like Kiryu, he's got plenty of his own. If you ever feel self conscious, he'll once again say something silly like "Babe, if ya can love me with a whole eye missin', then ya got nothin' to worry 'bout when it comes to yer appearance! Compared to me, yer hot as hell!".

Akiyama Shun

He kind of gets nervous around dogs too. Really, he's nervous around most small animals or small children as he has zero idea what to do with them, especially when they get noisy. He empathizes with you a lot in this aspect. Out of all the boys, it is easiest to confide your fears or trauma with Akiyama as he shares a similar mindset, even if he doesn't have personal trauma around dogs. Type of guy to wrap his arm around your shoulder if you're walking by a particularly aggressive dog while saying "Just keep walking, I'm right here, okay?".

Tanimura Masayoshi

Has never had a pet in his life and honestly never wanted one. Since he's a cop, he's good at enforcing neighborhood laws like owners having to scoop their dog's poop, so most of the pet owners in the area are pretty up to snuff. You won't have to worry about a rogue dog getting aggressive out of the blue. Type of sweet baby boy to kiss your scars when you get upset about them and say "There, all better now!".

Saejima Taiga

Has a really good connection with animals so they don't actually get super aggressive around him. Maybe it's because he's built like a tank. Either way, he's really understanding and is the type of guy to stand between you and a dog when you're on a walk, keeping the dog out of view, so you can cross the street and feel safe, all the while saying things like "Don't worry, I gotcha". He's super neutral on having pets so you never have to worry about him wanting to bring a puppy back home one day.

Ryuji Goda

Biggest dog person out of all the boys so he will want a dog someday. However, he would never make any important life decisions without talking to his partner first and he would make sure you felt safe and prepared if he really wanted to bring a dog into the family. Most likely to actually help you overcome the fear by slowly getting you to interact with dogs, as he really likes pets and frequents pet cafes. He'll show you how to approach them, how to read their body language, and the like, all while saying "See, sometimes they're just as scared as ya, but they ain't all bad." Ryuji would rather see you learn to overcome your fears than try to blindly shield you from them.

Nishikiyama Akira

He is ALSO actually scared of dogs. Just looks really shocked if one starts barking loudly at him and then just sneaks away. He'll comfort you by jokingly say "We survived that dog encounter", allowing you both to laugh about it in hindsight. Truthfully, he's kind of sheepish that he gets skittish around loud or big dogs so it's nice that you both can understand each other without feeling like you have to reason with each other or explain it over and over again.

Daigo Dojima

He's actually a cat person. He's not afraid of dogs but he's kind of sensitive to loud noises so when he hears a lot of dogs barking, he gets frustrated or annoyed. If you have particularly bad trauma with dogs, he'll enforce a no-dogs-allowed-on-Tojo-Clan-property rule. He takes a private car most places so you don't have to worry much about public interactions with dogs. Also the type of guy to kiss your scars but instead of saying they're all better, he'll say "I love every single part of you. Even your scars".

Mine Yoshitaka

Ever the fearless lad, Mine would probably bark back at a loud dog to make you smile before saying "I gave that dog a good talking to, he won't be bothering you" which only makes the two of you giggle. Glares at people who let their dogs wander around freely, as he thinks it's a public nuisance and not helpful for anyone. If you guys run into a dog on a walk out and you start to panic, he'll say "Let's take a detour and take the long way home." and he would never judge you for feeling anxious. Very good at removing you from situations of stress.

[mlmxreader]

Great Violence, Great Tenderness | Bane x m!reader

anonymous asked: Hi! Hope you're well. Since you want to write Bane, who am I to deny you so could I please request a little something for Bane X non-binary or male!reader using the following: "Promise me something"+"Stay with me"+"I don't wanna be alone" Enjoy the big tittied man 😉 and thank you. 🐍anon

summary: Bane is capable of great acts of extreme violence, but when it comes to his boyfriend, violence is the last thing on his mind.

tws: swearing, mentions of violence

support your fanfic writers by reblogging what you read & enjoy

You sniffled as you made your way into the bunker, trying to wipe away the tears as best as you could so that he wouldn't see them, knowing that he would absolutely go and break whoever was responsible; you tried to make it look like allergies more than anything, so when he didn't bat an eye as you cautiously made your way to the bunk in the corner, you were relieved.

Bane was known for violence of all kinds, people refused to work with him because they were either scared or they knew his reputation; but you were never scared of him, and his reputation never drove you away for even a second. You trusted Bane with every single thing in the world, he knew you as well as he knew himself, and while that may have been a dangerous thing for others, he made it clear that it wasn't for you.

But when you laid down, you weren't expecting the cool metal of a familiar mask to be pressed against the back of your neck so soon, and to feel a heavy arm flopped over your side as the bunk dipped slightly. You leaned into the embrace, squirming to get close to the warm and familiar presence.

"Bane?"

"Yes?"

"I don't wanna be alone," you said quietly. "Not tonight. Can you stay?"

"Of course!" He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I promised I would look after you for as long as you want to be my partner, my ally, didn't I?"

"I know, but…" you shrugged. "I dunno, I thought maybe you had more important things than, y'know, your boyfriend."

"Oh, little one," Bane tutted, shaking his head. Gently, he moved you onto your back, and pressed his forearms onto the bunk either side of your head so that you were terribly close to that mask of his, forced to look into his eyes. "Nothing is more important than you. I shall tell the Scarecrow that he can wait. If he's as eager to break the Bat as he seems, then he will."

You nodded. "I'm sorry if I threw a spanner in the works."

He shook his head again. "You didn't. You've been crying." His expression turned cold, merciless. "Who?"

"Just…" you swallowed thickly. "Y'know I was working for Sionis?"

Bane nodded.

"He had a massive go at me today," you explained, "told me that I was doing a shit job, and all sorts, all because I finished half an hour late - but it wasn't my fault!"

"I see," he said lowly. "Did you contact Harley?"

You shook your head. "I know she hates him more than anyone, but I just… I can't do it right now."

"You ought to unionise," Bane told you. "Sionis is corrupt, and full of greed. You should start a union."

"I don't wanna talk about it," you whispered. "Please."

Slowly, Bane nodded, pressing his mask against your lips like he always did to mimic a kiss. It made you smile a little. "How can I help?"

You shrugged. "Just… stay with me? Please?"

He nodded, lowering himself beside you and letting you crash your body into his; he could feel your breathing against his exposed skin, and hummed ever so quietly as he put his arms around you. A man of extreme violence, yet so careful with you.

Few people knew about you, Bane preferred it that way; Harley was your friend, an incredibly smart woman, Bane trusted her when it came to you. The Scarecrow was different. Bane didn't trust him, or anyone. Everyone was a corrupt and vile bastard, and so was Scarecrow. Bane did everything he could to keep you safe and to ensure you were well protected; but even he knew that he couldn't protect you from everything.

You still had to work, still had to go out and to make money every evening; he wasn't an idiot. If he could have, he would have robbed every bank in the country and put aside just enough for you both to survive. He sighed, attempting to pull you closer even though it wasn't possible, and pressed the mask to the back of your neck as he closed his eyes for a moment.

"Promise me something," you said softly.

"Anything."

"Don't do anything reckless," you told him gently. "You're still wanted dead or alive thanks to the bomb incident."

"I was going to liberate Gotham," Bane said. "I was going to free it of corruption and greed, and allow it to be given back to the people."

"I'm not saying you were wrong," you hummed. "I'm just saying, be careful. Please. Even if it's just for me?"

"If it's for you, then I will be," he agreed. "You know I will."

"Thank you," you mumbled, stretching and laughing softly when he moved a little to allow you to get comfortable. "You know I worry about you."

"I am Gotham's reckoning, not the other way around," he pointed out. "You shouldn't worry."

"But I do," you whispered. "I love you, and I care about you, I'm your boyfriend and it's… it's my job to worry, I don't wanna come home and find that you've been shot and left to rot in the one place we've actually ever been able to call home."

"I understand," Bane mumbled. "But try to get some sleep, little one. Please."

You nodded, squirming around and trying to get as comfortable as you could cuddled into him; you ended up moving down a little bit so that your face was pressed against his chest, your arms around him tightly as you clung onto him like he was a big teddy bear.

Bane listened to your breathing, listened to it growing softer and more even; he relaxed at the sound, closing his eyes even though he did his best to stay awake so he could make sure that nothing would wake you.

But he couldn't help it.

Your breath was so soft against his skin, and the fact that you were so close and so warm, it was all too irresistible.

It wasn't long before Bane fell asleep alongside you.

[grinly]

The government is scared of the left entirely for structural reasons.

Crazy people talk about the "shadow government" a lot - but it's just unelected functionaries that keep things running.

A lot of the time its the corporations that keep your water and power going. Sometimes it's the CIA doing what they were told to do when they started.

During the American revolution it was the local functionaries that kept roads working, stopped people from dumping poo into the street, all the things essential to organize people to make food and other goods and move em around.

England was too far away to govern directly, so these people just took over after the revolution. Central America was set up by the Spanish and the Spaniards that did it there left instead of siding with the revolution.

(That's why their revolutions led to third world countries instead of trading partners with huge plantations and organized armies. No one was left to organize the business of keeping shit and dead bodies off the street, and make sure food and the less important things were made and moved around.)

The far right should be objectively more scary, but they do that by getting a lot of guns and walling themselves off in a compound. Eventually they get Waco-ed. That's easy to deal with.

The left wants to move food (and other, less important things) around to people who need it, keep the streets clean, give people a good place to live and good jobs.

It's not about ideology. A lot of the left's ideology is increasingly puritanical, self defeating, weirdly divisive, and/or just retarded. The government loves and encourages that.

But the Black Panthers made sure people in their communities could eat, have jobs, and be safe. The government needed to do everything they could to disrupt that. And for that the CIA made sure every leader was assassinated, and has been funding and supporting dupes like the violent rapist who thought up "Kwanzaa" (look it up. Though keep in mind the CIA literally has agents on staff at Wikipedia) and the girl in your local leftist community with an upper class family who they caught with a bag of weed and Adderall and flipped. The one who argues excessively about language and procedure even and especially when it interferes with the process of keeping people fed and safe.

But no one's gonna read this are they? Because the kind of things that take off are the kind of things that upper class connected but so relatable "UwU I worked as a bartender vote for me" type of girl posts.

Ah well. Back to petting my cats and making sure I'm fed, safe, and the other less important things. The government won't do it for me. There's no community to help. I can't really help provide one part of that to others that they take care of the rest. We're all on our own, as designed.