#'i want to share this wilderness of failure with you'

[knifeeater]

The act of failing thus opens up the space of referentiality⸺or of impossible reality⸺not because something is missing, but because something else is done, or because something else is said.

Shoshana Feldman - The Scandal of the Speaking Body

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.190 thoughts

[100th Time's the Charm]

(Contents: Character analysis - Julia/Juiz)

If there's only one takeaway from this chapter, it's that we need to see at least one Quest from the first or second loop, cus apparently Juiz was a lot different before loop 100. She was so demure and distant in this past loop that, aside from the little glimpses we got into her real personality here and there, it's kind of hard to see her sharing a general personality with Julia here

Granted, a few hundred billion years and the repeated deaths and betrayals of everyone you've ever known and loved will probably do that to you, huh?

In a way, though, I think Julia is meant to be our glimpse into Juiz's real personality. This is who she would be if she weren't beaten down by the weight of eons upon eons of failure

If there's any doubt in anyone's mind that these two are the same person, though, this chapter should go a long way to assuage those doubts: just like Juiz, Julia did not let one single failure break her spirit, and instead persisted for 100 attempts, where in the end she cast aside her pride and instead entrusted the outcome to fate. It's a bit on the nose, but it's a microcosm of the struggles that Juiz went through in the first 100 loops, right down to culminating in relying on Fuuko's abilities as her final ray of hope

The fun part, and the irony, is that while Julia is fighting to learn what kind of person Juiz is, all she really needs to do is look in the mirror. Her willingness to throw herself away for her goals, risking her life and abandoning her pride, and pushing forward against a foe that so clearly outmatches her right up until the very end; that's all Juiz

But it's also Fuuko

Her insistence on finding a way to get what she wants no matter what, forcing her will onto everyone around her but without compromising their ability to all laugh in the end, and an overall refusal to let anyone keep her down or take her smile away. If Fuuko was a reflection of Juiz, then Julia is a reflection of Fuuko; Juiz's spirit and image filtered down through blind naivete and boundless optimism

I do wish we'd gotten more scenes of Fuuko and Juiz together over loop 100, I feel like that would have helped hammer in how much of an inspiration Juiz was to Fuuko, though Juiz's passing of the torch definitely establishes their connection perfectly well on its own. I wonder if the novels help with that at all...when will Viz give us the novels???

Anyway, after Julia manages to eke a win off of a Fuuko, Fuuko declares that she's going to be an inspiration to her the same way that Juiz was for Fuuko, buuut the way she goes about that isn't quite analogous...instead, Fuuko hops on Kinto'un and sweeps Julia screaming off her feet, laughing as she declares that she's going to show her amazing things all over the world

Sound familiar?

Just before Fuuko was stabbed by Ruin in loop 100, Andy said he would "drag [Fuuko] around the world and get into even wilder shenanigans." The wording's a bit different, but the spirit is the same: Fuuko's not emulating Juiz's leadership here, she's emulating Andy's lust for life. Poor girl doesn't even realize that she's going to make Julia fall stupid in love with her!

Until next time, let's enjoy life

[shytastemakerthing]

Hi there I go by Voidless! (She/Her or They/Them). I'm in search of a romantic matchup for the TWST boys

● I tend to be forthright with my emotions, yet there's this current of sensitivity to rejection that I sometimes forget is there.

● I like share knowledge and fun anecdotes! It can be rather forceful in conversations when I have something to say though.

● I think I may have some abandonment issues... There's this deep fear of not measuring up.

●A trait I'm not proud of is how often I say sorry. On some level I say it often so I can inspire pity and have people undeservingly go easy on me when I mess up. Yeah too late for apologies... ●Regardless I'm torn between a need to be recognized (taking my place in the sun), vs. and acknowledging a deep unsettling unmet want of love and security.

●That, and my sense of self is warped (it cycles through high-highs and low-lows). I have some unattainable goals I've to hinge my identity on in the past and couldn't seem to let go of, which also leads to a fear of failure.

According to UQuiz and some remarks that have resonated with me over the years:

"Definitely makes people around think deeply and a bit too hard on grand, philosophical concepts but eh, they're better for it."

"Short."

"Loves to share everything with a partner eternally curious, and hungers for knowledge. Seems to enjoy exchanging ideas and personal philosophies with others. Exceptionally buoyant, enthusiastic, and can even inspire in their communications."

"Drawn to the hidden layers of life, people, and situations. Highly observant and perceptive, too. Notices things others miss, especially emotional nuances and subtleties. Ability to understand human motivation and honesty."

"...Knows how to lift other people's spirits. Posseses big dreams."

Hobbies: I'm a Renaissance woman and thoroughly enjoy new experiences. That's not to say I don't have my favorites, like: Writing (poetry, fiction, ect.) and by extension world building. Singing is chief of my hobbies and it gives me the feel that I'm alive, and the world is too. I enjoy going out into the wilderness and exploring!

Things I enjoy: A good laugh, barometers and other steampunk-esque items, friendship bracelets, high up places I can sneak into, seeing new things, people I just click with, having a deep talk with someone, sitting high up on the roof, organizing new and old of my favorite books, fairytales and fantastical romances, scents like pumpkin and pine, dancing wildly at big events/parties, and walking outside past midnight to look at the stars and listen to music.

Things that I don't: Disappointing those who believed in me. My not-so-good working memory. Feeling trapped with no way out. Random loud thumps and noises, PTSD is one hell of a drug. Dandelion weeds (they freak me out)

Some favorite songs of mine:

Empire - Shakira

Come Along - Cosmo Sheldrake

Ballad of Serenity - Firefly

Hello and thank you for your request! I hope that this match-up finds you well in life right now, and if not, I do hope and wish that everything will be okay very soon! I hope you enjoy your match-up!

Tw: None

I match you with........

Lilia Vanrouge

The amount of knowledge that this fae has amassed over the centuries is rather immense and he would love to be able to share it all with you, just as you share your own history with him, he'll turn it into a date night!

I just have the feeling that he would also suffer from a form of PTSD, having fought first hand in the human and fae war as a general for a number of years tends to do things to one's mind

During times where you both are having a harder time, he will take you to his room, and just wrap the both of you up in his blankets, doing his best to soothe you. Is he having a hard time himself right now?

Yes

But he would much rather ensure that you are going to be okay and reassure you that he is there for you no matter what when you are in need of him

You should see the size of his book collection. While he was not able to bring all of it to NRC with him, you are more than welcome d to come with him back home during break and you can see the rest of it, he could talk form hours about their contents

Seeing new places is a thing to expect with Lilia

He has been around quite a lot and he knows just the best places to visit and when

Over summer, he would love to be able to travel with you, showing you all the sights that Twisted Wonderland has to offer

Lilia will absolutely join you on your midnight walks. You don't even have to be talking to each other, just being there with you is enough for him. Enjoying each other's company under the stars. What more could this old fae want?

Overall, Lilia once thought that he was far too old for entertain the idea of finding love, but the moment he was with you, he knew that he would spend the last of his days remaining at your side, for as long as time would allow him

Thank you so much for your request!!

[chaos-snakeboi-journal]

Discarded Page, Margin note reads "memoir?"

Greetings. I am Khvath Slaveborn.

Wait. This doesn't feel comfortable. Or natural. Is this how you begin a book? I'm sorry. I have a tendency to say everything I'm thinking if I don't write it instead.

As you may be aware, speaking freely is an open death sentence in the Eightpoints, and Carngrad eightfoldedly so. However, constantly writing while only vaguely regarding someone with one's eyes is its own form of intimidating character trait, so it is one I've come to embrace. No one need know you're introspecting in a blind panic when they think you're writing down their every word.

I do listen, though. And I remember. That's an aspect of myself I feel confident about - my memory. I feel as certain as one can be of anything in the Eightpoints that I recall all things I am aware of with perfect clarity, something I am keen to take advantage of in the employ of greater men than myself.

Me, I am a humble Bloodwind Spoil beast, cast off from his tribe for being too feeble and sheepish to sustain a living in the colony. They hadn't the courage to exile me until I could stand on my own two feet. This was on the pretense that I was a "drain" - because of my sickly nature, I could not work as hard as the others, yet I consumed the same amount of food. I took my exile with hanged head and spent weeks in the wilderness recalling what little they cared to share with me about the hunt. Long did I picture their secret hunting trails and contemplated hunting them down from the quiet places I know they did not check. Long did I arrange this, crafting traps and sharpening my killer's instinct.

Only they never came. I waited and waited, certain they would come hunting this way one more time, on a fateful day when they I would--well, anyway, I won't bore you with a falsified tale of revenge when, indeed, the truth is they just did not arrive. So I went back to the colony, perhaps to prove myself in a mighty duel, only to find moldering heaps of food amid the bloated dead of all my kin.

A cursory examination revealed to me their final error - they had over-farmed our soil and made vast stockpiles. This failure of logistical economics had come back to bite them when feeding season began and, with no warrior to ration their food and contain their impulses, they all simply feasted to death.

Oh this is a terrible memoir, you don't care about that, you want to know how I became Steward. That's a long story, see, because it sort of begins after that -- well, not after that, I need to establish the context that led me to Carngrad. And you don't know why I'm Khvath "Slaveborn" yet even though I wasn't born a slave, which is another--

Oh what a disaster, I'm telling this all wrong. I hope no one sees this"

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

I saw you are reading Young Men and Fire -- it is possibly the best non-fiction book I've ever read. MacLean has also written other memoirs and short stories that are just as lyrical and beautiful but less harrowing

My god, is it harrowing. I'm kind of reading it because during certain moods, my brain requires dark nonfiction to chew over. It's like grit that absorbs ambient anxiety and keeps it from getting up to mischief.

(Previous reads in this category include Under the Banner of Heaven by John Krakauer, No Visible Bruises by Rachel Louise Snyder, and 100:1 The Crack Legacy by Christopher Johnson. I think most people use true crime for this, but what my brain really wants is stories about systems.)

It's also... strangely, painfully good to read about my kind of place, and the beauty and horrors in it. I'm from hundreds of km north of Montana, but I also grew up moving around that transition zone, from prairie to forest, from flatland to mountain. It's where my heart is.

And a lot of my early... damage, I guess? Is from just how brutal it is, to be so much alone, in the face of all these elements that want to kill you. It actually goes back generations, because my family have all been scarred with their own different ways of coping with it. My parents, my grandparents, their grandparents.

There's a part in James Keelaghan's song about the Mann Gulch Fire (Cold Missouri Waters) that just says: "Too big to fight it/we'll fight it from the ridge instead" that just expresses how it feels sometimes, to know that the enormity of the elements are lining up to kill you, and nothing you do probably matters, but also, your entire life depends on what you do next.

I've never faced anything so intense as a crowning wildfire, but I've had other experiences--cutting my leg on a barbed-wire fence and having to walk home before I could do anything about it, capsizing a boat on a cold May day and being unable to right it and sincerely believing I was going to die from hypothermia--that stem partly from having to know what mistakes will put me at risk of really dying.

And it isn't malice, and it isn't exactly neglect or a failure on the part of the authorities, and you can spend so many years numbly accepting the inevitability of death that when someone says, "Actually, I think this kind of death isn't inevitable, so let's declare these deaths unacceptable and go to war against them" they sound absolutely crazy.

But I've also been on the side of declaring many types of deaths unacceptable instead of inevitable, and been the madman in the wilderness, and made real change. Young Men and Fire is all about that.

It's also really nice to see something that speaks with a long-familiar accent I've never really seen typologized or emulated accurately. A voice that sounds like a bunch of cowboys gathered around a fire as night turns blue, sharing their griefs and woes and philosophies, pulling together Scots and German and Texan flavour to their English, more Chinook Wa-Wa than they realize. It's my second accent, the one I can't consciously switch into, but do when someone at an Edmonton bus station asks to bum a smoke off me and all I have to give is a bus ticket, or when I'm at a livestock show and I want to ask someone if that steer is a Limousin or just a pale Red Angus and I want them to assume I understand about cattle breeds and reply without giving a five-minute preamble on animal husbandry to the kooky city lady first.

It doesn't surprise me that it's an accent shared by woodsmen of the mountains; MacLean's people and mine are not distinct entities, but an intertwined community of people who are trying to live on this land that owns us but is never really ours.

[walkswithmyfather]

Numbers 13:2‭-‬3‭, ‬17‭-‬21‭, ‬25‭-‬33 (ESV). “Send men to spy out the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the people of Israel. From each tribe of their fathers you shall send a man, every one a chief among them. So Moses sent them from the wilderness of Paran, according to the command of the Lord, all of them men who were heads of the people of Israel. Moses sent them to spy out the land of Canaan and said to them, “Go up into the Negeb and go up into the hill country, and see what the land is, and whether the people who dwell in it are strong or weak, whether they are few or many, and whether the land that they dwell in is good or bad, and whether the cities that they dwell in are camps or strongholds, and whether the land is rich or poor, and whether there are trees in it or not. Be of good courage and bring some of the fruit of the land.” Now the time was the season of the first ripe grapes. So they went up and spied out the land from the wilderness of Zin to Rehob, near Lebo-hamath.

At the end of forty days they returned from spying out the land. And they came to Moses and Aaron and to all the congregation of the people of Israel in the wilderness of Paran, at Kadesh. They brought back word to them and to all the congregation, and showed them the fruit of the land. And they told him, “We came to the land to which you sent us. It flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. However, the people who dwell in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large. And besides, we saw the descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites dwell in the land of the Negeb. The Hittites, the Jebusites, and the Amorites dwell in the hill country. And the Canaanites dwell by the sea, and along the Jordan.”

But Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, “Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it.” Then the men who had gone up with him said, “We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we are.” So they brought to the people of Israel a bad report of the land that they had spied out, saying, “The land, through which we have gone to spy it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in it are of great height. And there we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak, who come from the Nephilim), and we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them.”

“Fear Is Your Cue” By In Touch Ministries:

“What scares you? God invites you to bring it to Him and receive His peace and courage.”

“You’ve probably heard that the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, but do you know why? Because in their fear, they doubted God’s call. He had intended for the Israelites to finally inhabit the Promised Land, but when Moses sent spies to scope it out, they reported, “The people who live in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large�� (Num. 13:28). The Israelites became afraid and mistrusted what the Lord had said. As a result, they didn’t reach the land of milk and honey.

One of the reasons we, like the Israelites, often question what we’ve heard from God is the fear of failure. Feeling afraid is a normal, human response, but it’s also an internal cue that it’s time to do two things:

Investigate what is going on inside: What is scaring you? How do you think God views this situation? How do you believe He’ll respond to your feelings?

Connect with the Father. You are always safe to share your fears with God—He wants to know about them.

It’s the Lord’s desire that we move through life with confidence and assurance in Him (2 Timothy 1:7). Whenever fear tempts you to change course, take a moment to pause, look inward, and talk to God.”

[apoptoses]

It’s been like 10 years (my god) since I last read the books but I distinctly remember Armand’s turning being extremely consensual and… something he actively wanted Marius to do. Am I going insane? Have I actually forgotten a major plot point? Asking because I’ve been seeing a lot of discourse on here/twitter about him being turned against his will and I’m like “yeah that’s not how I remember it”. I figured I’d just ask an expert in all things Armand and settle it once and for all lol. He might not have been begging for it every 10 seconds like Daniel was but he wanted it right?

Armand pretty much begged for it every time he and Marius fooled around (like, he really gives Daniel a run for his money when it comes to pleading for immortality). Let's go right to the text:

Armand wants to become what Marius is when they first start playing with sharing the blood, and is overjoyed when Marius says he'll eventually turn him:

"It's lost its savor for a little while," he said patiently. "But you'd be surprised."

"At what?"

"At how much you'll lament it when it's gone utterly, when you are perfect and unchangeable like me, and all those human mistakes can be triumphantly supplanted by a new and more stunning series of failures. Don't ask for this, not again."

I would have died then, curled up, black and furious and too bitter for words.

But he wasn't finished.

"Amadeo," he said, his voice thick with sorrow. "Say nothing. You don't have to. I'll give it to you quickly enough when I think the time has come."

At that I went to him, running, childlike, flinging myself at his neck, kissing his icy cheek a thousand times despite his mock-disdainful smile."

-TVA p. 62

Then once again after the whipping, he agrees he would want to be turned:

"Yes," he said. Then he came again to kiss me. "Will you be this forever?" he asked. "This man, this young man, that you are now?"

"Yes, Master! Forever and with you!"

-TVA p. 85

Armand had no qualms about what being like Marius necessitated. When he sees him kill, he's not repulsed:

"I was speechless. Fear, loathing, these things had no part in it. I was simply amazed. If I thought, I thought it was wonderous."

-TVA p.89

When Armand does cry for a victim he goes on to say:

""Master, hear my lesson," I said. "Judge my work." I caught my breath in haste and went on. "I saw you drink from those who were evil, convicted in your heart of some gross crime. I saw you feast as it is your nature; I saw you take the blood with which you must live. And all about you lies this evil world, this wilderness of men no better than beasts who will yield up a blood as sweet and rich for you as innocent blood. I see it. That's what you meant for me to see, and it's done.""

[...]

"Would you be with me, and be my pupil and my love?"

"Yes master, always and forever, or for so long as nature gives to you and me!"

-TVA p. 113-114

When Armand is dying, this is what they say:

"It's not my time," I said. "I know it. And such a statement cannot be undone by a mere handful of hours. Smash the ticking clock. They meant, by a soul's incarnate life, it wasn't time. Some destiny carved in my infant hand will not be so soon fulfilled or easily defeated." "I can tip the odds, my child," he said. This time his lips moved. The pale sweet coral brightened in his face, and his eyes grew wide and unguarded, the old self I knew and cherished. "I can so easily take the last strength left in you." He leant over me. I saw the tiny variegations in the pupils of his eyes, the bright deep-pointed stars behind the darkening irises. His lips, so wondrously decorated with all the tiny lines of human lips, were rosy as if a human kiss resided there. "I can so easily take one last fatal drink of your child's blood, one last quaff of all the freshness I so love, and in my arms I'll hold a corpse so rich in beauty that all who see it will weep, and that corpse will tell me nothing. You are gone, that much I'll know, and no more." "Do you say these things to torture me? Master, if I cannot go there, I want to be with you!"

[...]

"Very well, beautiful one. This is the moment. Would you come with me, and be like me?" His voice was rich and soothing, though it was full of pain.

"Yes, always and forever yours."

"Forever to thrive in secret on the blood of the evildoer, as I thrive, and to abide with these secrets until the end of the world, if need be."

"I shall. I want it."

"To learn from me all the lessons I can give."

"Yes, all of them."

[...]

"This is the only sun that you will ever see again. But a millennium of nights will be yours to see light as no mortal has ever seen it, to snatch from the distant stars, as if you were Prometheus, an endless illumination by which to understand all things."

And I, who had beheld a far more wondrous celestial light in that realm from which I'd been turned away, longed only for him to eclipse it now forever."

-TVA 135-139

Now, what I'm guessing is going on since I don't read Discourse™ is that some people are out there playing morality games over whether or not Armand, being that he was under 18 and due to the nature of his and Marius' relationship, could consent. And I am not going to touch that argument, because I have no desire to get angry on this fine Monday afternoon when I have so much to do.

I would only say that though Armand comes to regret what he is that's due to his long and traumatic life, and he himself never once says that his turning was against his will. And as you can see in the text he, in his very own words, asked to be what Marius was, knowing what all that entailed, again and again again.

[josephseedismyfather]

WIP Music (it's not) Monday (anymore)

Thank youuuu @socially-awkward-skeleton, @cassietrn, and @inafieldofdaisies for tagging me in this week's post! Sorry for the delay!

The rules: Post a song that is relevant to your WIP or inspires it. I’m also including the lyrics.

Afflicted.

What if I could say Say to you What you wanted Would not do What if I could say Say to you What you wanted What you could do

Huuuuhh-uuhhhhh Huuuuhh-uuhhhhh Huuuuhh-uuhhhhh Huuuuhh-uuhhhhh

What you want Is something you need What you wanted Is something I bleed Could you say to me you love me And I'm the only one Could you say to me you love me And I'm your man

Huuuuhh-uuhhhhh Huuuuhh-uuhhhhh Huuuuhh-uuhhhhh Huuuuhh-uuhhhhh

Is this the last time I'll ever see you Is this the last time I'll ever meet you Is this the last time I'll ever Make love to you You

Parenesis.

Far away This ship is taking me far away Far away from the memories Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight I will be chasing a starlight Until the end of my life I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms

My life You electrify my life Let's conspire to ignite All the souls that would die just to feel alive

I'll never let you go If you promise not to fade away Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations Black holes and revelations Our hopes and expectations Black holes and revelations

Untitled Johnny WIP.

Ramblers in the wilderness We can't find what we need We get a little restless from the searching Get a little worn down in between Like a bull chasing the matador Is the man left to his own schemes Everybody needs someone beside 'em Shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother, let me be your shelter Never leave you all alone I can be the one you call When you're low Brother, let me be your fortress When the night winds are driving on Be the one to light the way Bring you home

Face down in the desert now There's a cage locked around my heart I found a way to drop the keys where my failures were Now my hands can't reach that far I ain't made for a rivalry I could never take the world alone I know that in my weakness I am strong But it's your love that brings me home

And when you call And need me near Sayin' where'd you go? Brother, I'm right here And on those days When the sky begins to fall You're the blood of my blood We can get through it all

Tagging, with apologies for doubles and no pressure as always: @wrathfulrook, @trench-rot, @vampireninjabunnies-blog, @ladyoriza, @redreart, @hotmessteaparty, @g0dspeeed, @v0idbuggy, @insanityofvaas, @malefiquinn, @strangefable, @noodlecupcakes, @chazz-anova, @aristomal, @ocdemon-747, @evilvvithin, @carlosoliveiraa, and anybody else who wants to share. Tag me! 😘

[childrensbread]

God's Unshakable Calling

The Burning Bush

💜 Now Moses was keeping the flock of his father-in-law, Jethro, the priest of Midian, and he led his flock to the west side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. And the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush. He looked, and behold, the bush was burning, yet it was not consumed. And Moses said, “I will turn aside to see this great sight, why the bush is not burned.” When the Lord saw that he turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.” Then he said, “Do not come near; take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” And he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God. Then the Lord said, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. And now, behold, the cry of the people of Israel has come to me, and I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. Come, I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” He said, “But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you, that I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.” ~Exodus 3:1-12 ✝️

Moses was chosen to bring redemption to His people. God specifically chose Moses to lead the Israelites from captivity in Egypt to salvation in the Promised Land.

Moses understands himself to be an unqualified, stuttering failure (Exodus 4). As many of us are called to do something, we tend to spend time worrying about the calling and/or wondering if we are doing it right. At times, knowing what God wants us to do can be confusing. Do you relate?

One thing we learn with Moses' encounter with God is that divine calling is more about God than us. God is the driving force behind the whole plan!

God reveals 4 things to Moses as He calls him to action; He reveals Himself, His promises, His purposes and His power. It's a reminder not just to Moses, but to all of us that God is in complete control.

So often, when we ponder our "calling", we fear that we will somehow fail, especially when we "feel" that it's all on us. Yet, today's passage shows us that Moses' flaws count for nothing in the whole conversation with God. God simply and bluntly responded to Moses, "I will be with you." What a response! 💜

Our qualifications, or lack of, become irrelevant when God decides to use us. Spiritual calling is about His strength, not our weaknesses. If God can use Moses, then He can use you! All we need to do is show up and obey!

Understanding our calling is simpler than expected. It's about knowing God. When we prioritize God's presence, our life finds direction. If in doubt, it means your calling today is to pursue Christ in everything. Worship Him and share His love boldly! Start there and trust God with the rest.

Living like this may feel difficult, but don't panic. Following Jesus always involves sacrifice. But if you're willing to lay yourself down, God can use you for anything. You become a blank canvas for His glory. Letting go of control might feel uncomfortable at first, but with God it's always worth it.

So let us remember this, that nothing can't stop the Lord Almighty. Including you! Stop disqualifying yourself and allow God to use you. Just as God revealed Himself to Moses, He desires to reveal Himself to you. With the Holy Spirit inside you helping, you can do incredible things for God!

Source: Glorify App; Holy Bible

[torchickentacos]

🌈☔️ for the ask game?

🌈 Share something soft/fluffy from your WIP.

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

TYSM!!!! OOOH okay I am answering this a bit late because I had to actually go and write this full scene from about chapter... seven-ish of my cowboy/wild west au, I want to say? Roughly ch. 7 or 8? I needed the scene to be able to take an excerpt from it. Anyways, it's the good ol' 'well, there was actually more than one bed, but they accidentally fell asleep on the same couch anyways and this happened, and it was entirely in their control, and yet here we are after a series of happenings' in shades of contestshipping.

___________

________________

Naturally, the next section, she realizes where she is and almost injures herself trying to untangle from that entirely avoidable (but not unwanted) situation.

As for a fic concept I've had around but probably won't actually work on, I have several. I think the main one I've been thinking about lately is actually a long-dead Zelda fandom wip that centers around the concept of the sort of... illusion of choice, the illusion of being able to have made better decisions. We all think about how we could have done things differently, but it's speculation. For all we know, the path we're on is one we'd be stuck on anyways, and this kind of messes with that.

I was thinking about how BOTW ended in tragedy. Zelda wasn't able to save her kingdom- not in the way she had intended to, at least. She hadn't been able to defeat Ganon. But what if she had? What if she had done everything right, and it had all worked out? (Of course, she did nothing wrong, but she wouldn't see it that way. From an outside perspective we can see the events of the calamity as an inevitability, but she couldn't have that clarity that we would as a player).

But here's the thing. Even if we entertained the possibility of a 'good end', where would that leave her? She thrives in the wilderness, and if she had been able to do her duty 'properly', she'd have fulfilled her role as queen of the kingdom she saved and would be deprived of the freedom she needed.

Her only way to ever feel freedom is to fail and to watch her kingdom, her cage crumble, but to fail is to never be free of the weight of her failure. It's a catch-22, a rock and a hard place, an impossible situation with no good outcome. To win is to lose and to lose is to win (but you still lost). It's a tragedy no matter how you tell it, no matter how many choices you make differently. She was miserable because she failed and she'd have been miserable in the wake of success. I just love that sort of doomed-from-the-start inevitability, and the idea that she could have made some decision along the way that would have fixed it is a fallacy I think she could fall into easily.

I won't write it because it's too unstructured and messy, as I'm sure is reflected with how messily I recounted the idea, but it's definitely still there.

[lineageandtrajectory]

I want to share this emptiness with you. Not fill the silence with false notes or put tracks through the void. I want to share this wilderness of failure.

The Garden (1990) // dir. Derek Jarman

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

Cher Kidnapped by the Vietcong

(What’s the Deal with Taylor Swift?)

Stephen Jay Morris

8/9/2024

©Scientific Morality

What’s the deal with the title of this piece? Unless you are 65 or older, you get the joke. Let me translate into present day language:  Isis wants to assassinate Taylor Swift. Oh, my Lord! If it were music critics, then I would believe it, but Islamo-fascists?! Sounds a little conspiratorial to me. Oh, shit! Did I say conspiracy? You know what? I just got this brainstorm: What if I kept all my conspiracy thoughts to myself and wrote a fictional book about it? Some greedy publishers would be greedy enough to publish it. At any rate…

This month marks the first anniversary of that crummy, novelty song, “Rich Men North of Richmond,” by Oliver Anthony. I recently watched a recent video of him. He was strolling in the forest, getting soaked by rain as his two dogs looked up at him, wondering, ‘what’s up with him?’ He couldn’t just sit on a log to deliver his sermon.  Instead, he filmed himself walking around as raindrops fell upon his bearded face. How dramatic. To make a long story mercifully short, he prefaced his remarks by declaring how bad the world is and how he now plans to escape it by living in the country, with his family, like it was 1779. A little reference note here: Mr. Anthony reads passages from the King James Bible between performing songs. As he bemoans the shape of the world, it’s with the usual rhetoric you hear from evangelical Christians. Oh, it is Sodom and Gomorrah all over again, and the Romans are throwing the Christians into the arena with man-eating lions!

Oliver Anthony has realized that he is doomed to be a one hit wonder. As such, it’s as if he won the lottery. As selfless as he portrays himself, he is going to share his money by starting a commune for the poor folk whom he’ll teach how to survive in the wilderness. Sorry, Oliver—it’s been done before, in the early 70’s, by Hippies living in communes. The news media was all too happy to report that the experiment was a failure. But there is good news: Anthony is still writing songs! And they all sound like whiny, white boy songs as opposed to authentic blues.

The problem with Anthony is that he is not aware of what is making the world so bad. It’s not because people have no faith in God. It’s because of a class struggle that’s been going on forever. The simple difference between a poor criminal snatching purses on the boulevard and a rich criminal stealing some foreign country’s oil is this: the rich man is above the law! This is for you Oliver: There is no Devil to hurt you nor God to help you. They do not exist. However, your brain exists, and there are libraries of political ideologies. Pick one. Thanks to religion and other forms of superstitions, we have Americans living in metaphysical ignorance.  Wishful thinking and magical feelings are prevalent. All are made to feel hopeless because of the enormity of wealth and the weapons that protect those empires. Makes you feel small, doesn’t it? So, this omniscient God will come to the rescue? Just remember, there are more poor people than rich men.

Now, this crap about Taylor Swift. Who ever is behind this fakery is not Islamo-fascist. Swift is just a song and dance woman. So, to bring back an Islamophobic pandemic, you have this scenario of a popular entertainer threatened by a fanatical religious group. It could be Israel’s Mossad. They really want a third world war!  Just for once, I wish somebody would tell Netanyahu he is full of shit, right to his face!

In actuality, the world is getting better and better. Ultimately, the superstitious religious types are going to be dragged by their hair, kicking and screaming, into the 21st Century! They can all go fuck themselves with their anti-science and anti-intellectualism! That pastor in your neighborhood church is a latent atheist.

Don’t you wish you were a mind reader?  

[txxfiles]

hello hello.

it's me, magnolia! i lost my job this month! i have been doing Very Badly (i haven't really talked about it so don't tell anyone but turns out i exclusively tie my self-worth into the value i can bring to other people so being unemployed has been... pretty rough) and have just been kinda getting very high and waiting until i don't feel like shit any more, but i am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

i'm going to use this month as a chance to share the beginning of an article I'm writing about 2018 video game firewatch because i keep forgetting I'm meant to be working on it. it's one of my favourite games ever and touches on a lot of themes that are important to me, so I'm writing about them because i am a sentient being with free will. pls enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t like the feeling of being known. 

I don’t want someone to tell me what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling. In my head, I am an impenetrable puzzle box of a person, decipherable only by sheer force of will. My life experiences are unique, irreplicable, and knowable only by me and a select few people I have chosen to let through the thick iron gate that is me. 

Which is why crying at the opening cutscene of Firewatch felt less like a moment of connection with a video game, and more like a personal failure. 

For those of you who haven’t played Firewatch, Campo Santo’s BAFTA-winning 2016 narrative adventure game, my reaction isn’t an abnormal one. This game is a tear-jerker through and through. Using a combination of a beautiful and masterfully crafted setting and incredible voice-acting performances from Rich Sommer and Cissy Jones, the game tells the story of a man who escapes into the Wyoming wilderness to avoid the reality that the love of his life is slowly losing herself to early-onset dementia. It’s an insightful look at the futility of running away and the pain of grieving someone who’s still alive.

The game’s opening montage tells the life story of its protagonist, Henry, and a chance encounter with a woman named Julia. They meet through a chance encounter at a bar, and what follows is a fairly apple-pie love story; meet-cute becomes dating, dating becomes marriage. Stop me if you’ve heard this before - they also adopt a dog, because of course they do.  

Throughout the opening cutscene, the player is offered a few dialogue and action choices that help develop Henry and Julia’s relationship. Nothing too earth-shattering: for example, you get to pick the breed of dog they end up adopting as their first big mark of commitment to eachother and their shared lives. But you, the player, are given limited agency around crafting the narrative that sets the scene for the rest of the game. A few limited choices that give you a feeling of control over the characters that the game provides you - not as people, but as agents of your whims as a player.

------------------------------------------------------------

and that is all because i have not been able to bring myself to write any more because i am straight up doing pretty badly. hope you're all well and i love you dearly.

magnolia

[world-cinema-research]

Week Two Blog Post - Troop Beverly Hills

By Nathan Gruber

The film for this week's review is called “Troop Beverly Hills” (1989) and it is one of my favorite films because of the unique comedy it offers and an original story loosely based on the experiences of one of its producers, Ava Ostern Fries, as a girl scout member. This film portrays the side of Beverly Hills we think about when one says “Beverly Hills” places them in a highly unusual scenario of them having to go out and conquer the wilderness. As you probably imagine, this is quite the spectacle that makes this movie such a classic comedy. When the film was made, it cost Sony Pictures International Entertainment $18 million to make and only brought in a little over $7 million. 

This failure was most likely due to the critic’s negative reviews of the film when it was released. These negative reviews have all stayed consistent because the film “proves to be an uphill, downhill trek” Rotten Tomatoes. However, there are positive reviews from blogs that mostly claim the film was relatable and funny even to this day. The negative reviews mainly focus on the characters as stereotyping the people of Beverly Hills while the positive reviews take a closer look at the story and values the film emanates as the characters never gave up something they wanted to do. As the bloggers tend to be more fair to the film and enjoy it, the consensus should be that it is a fun comedy that has a good lesson; all who have a goal just needs the willingness to accomplish it.

During the time the film was made, a shift was happening in show business as the 1989 “Batman” came out along with the first season of “The Simpsons.” These films were massive hits with “Batman” becoming the number one film of 1989 while “The Simpsons” is now on its 34th season and counting and is one of the longest running shows. This means that 1989 was a great year for entertainment, so the cause of “Troop Beverly Hills” failure was the marketing and reviews. 

The costumes and overall look of the film screamed 1980s Beverly Hills because most of the costumes were so over the top that one couldn’t help but laugh from the appearance of one of those. The film utilizes the costumes to make the character’s taste obvious and clear as the main character, in one scene, alters her uniform to be more comfortable for her. This scene then exemplifies how her, Beverly Hills attitude contrasts with the traditional and strict girl scout leadership. This isn’t used often, if at all, by any other film that I know of and it is very effective at showing the culture clash while making several great jokes in one.

As the film wasn’t a hit, it fashioned itself a cult following over the years. It was until a few years ago that a sequel was in the works. This does mean that the film has gained not only popularity, but the financial backing that trusts that a sequel will be a success and wise investment as well. The culture in the film aligns with three of Hofstede’s elements of culture: Masculinity, High Uncertainty Avoidance, and Collectivism. As seen throughout the film, Masculinity rules the culture of the Beverly Hills Girl Scouts as all of them see jewelry, fashion, and other material objects among the most important things in life. This is seen with the amount of jewelry, dresses, and money they possess. Their High Uncertainty Avoidance originates from their lack of experience outdoors as ruffing it in the wilderness actually means one hotel room with nine girls at the Beverly Hotel. In the film, the characters learn to get over their luxuries to achieve their goals. The film shows the character’s Collectivism as the girl scouts form a close bond to one another and grow friendships, but is also seen as the main character has close ties to her personal tailor and hairstylist. This culture can be seen in many parts of the world, the country that lines up with this culture the most is Guatemala because both share two areas of Hoftede’s model: Collectivism and High Uncertainty Avoidance. If the film were to transfer to my cultural values outlined by Hofstede’s model, the film would have to alter Masculinity to Femininity as well as Collectivism to Individualism. The result would most likely be a story about a group of girl scouts, who are not really friends, attempting to work together to accomplish their goals with an ease in nature that would make the film less interesting. “Troop Beverly Hills” (1989) nevertheless captures a realism as the characters all overcome their greatest fear; the wilderness. Which is an internationally understood concept.

“Troop Beverly Hills” (1989) is a conventional film that was made to make Sony Pictures International Entertainment lots of money, which failed. By getting popular stars such as Shelley Long from “Cheers” (1982-1993) to play the lead role, Phyllis Nefler. Being a conventional film, “Troop Beverly Hills” (1989) has a very simple story that wraps up neatly before the ending. The overall story along with its style are unique to it, it does have a resemblance of style to “The Money Pit” (1986) because of the character’s reactions to things happening in different scenes. Other than that one instance, the story is very original and, at some points, clever. That is what makes it a comedy classic of the 1980s.

[toughgirlchallenges]

Josephine Collingwood - Middle-Aged Mother of Three. Former Mountain Rescuer, Wilderness Addict, Lover of Nature. Embracing Adventure, Inspiring Others, and Capturing Life's Beauty Through Photography.

Josephine in her own words:  

“I’m a middle aged mother of three. Also, adventurer, rock climber, former Mountain Rescuer, wilderness addict, lover of Nature, doer. Oh, and professional author and award-winning photographer.

Many hats, but a common thread of being outdoors, helping people and sharing a love of wild places.

Having moved on from the confines of Mountain Rescue, I am on a journey with Mountain Training Association to get qualified so that I can introduce people, and especially women, to the indescribable benefits of outdoor adventure. 

Too many women feel that it is beyond them. I want to show that it is not.

I love polar adventure and have been to Norway many times and skied across Svalbard on a 9 day expedition. 

Mountains, moors, wilderness, old mines and rock faces all vie for my time so that it feels there is never enough! 

My mantra is: “Do it now. Life is too short.”

I am not one for “ests” the longest/fastest/highest etc. To me, it is all about being there, in that moment.

My work as an author and publisher includes the Dartmoor Tors Compendium, the Official Visitor Guide to Dartmoor National Park and the Geology of Dartmoor. I also design unique infographics and poster art about Dartmoor in particular. My photography, when not illustrating books, is photographing architectural properties and interiors. Mainly though, photography is about showing how beautiful and amazing our world is.”

***

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  Show notes

Who is Josephine

Wearing lots of hats 

Her love for going out and exploring and spending time in wilderness

Studying geo-physics at university down in London

Making the move to Devon

Deciding to re-train in photography 

How her career focuses on photography, design and being outdoors

Having 3 grown children 

Her love and passion for the outdoors 

Growing up in Acton, London

Spending more and more time in Dartmoor 

Age 14, having the opportunity to do an outward bound course (3 week residential)

Discovering different possibilities and wanting to live a life outdoors

Meeting her husband at the Officer Training Core at University 

Making the decision to move to Devon to raise her family

Asking herself the question - what does she really want to do

Buying an old barn to renovate, while raising 3 children and going back to college for 3 years to study photography and media production

Why we have to take a risk and make things happen

Not doing any adventures for 20 years while raising the kids

Starting to do more solo activities at 52

Booking to do a polar training course with Newland Expeditions

Spending time walking on Dartmoor

Losing her mum to Ovarian Cancer 

Skiing across Svalbard on a 9 day expedition (being the only woman and one of the oldest there)

Camp life, dealing with Polar bears and why it’s so challenging 

Imposter Syndrome?

Feeling like an explorer and an adventurer

Cycling the Hebridean Way, Scotland 2022

Being inspired by watching the Reality TV Show Castaway (2000) 

Dealing with the tough days while on challenges

Suffering from covid

Challenges with mental health and seeking therapy  

Dealing with setbacks and failure 

Spending time in the Cairngorms, Scotland and going exploring 

Doing her Hill & Moorland Assessment 

Wanting to train for her Mountain Leader (ML) Award 

Her healing process and wanting to learn new skills

Trying to identify what you want to be

Doing what’s achievable first

Signing up for the Rock Climbing Instructor Course in 2022 

Wanting to share her love for the outdoors and encourage more people to spend time outside

Mountain Rescue and the training program

Hitting a glass wall and dealing with bad people management

Deciding to resign from Mountain Rescue 

Advice and tips for other women who are in a similar situation

Not wanting to rock the boat and what she would do differently now

Why the old school way of thinking has to change

Why we don’t have to put up with bad behaviour 

How the ML training is going 

How you can connect with Josephine

The meaning behind the name ‘Tavicinity’ 

Using Instagram in the old fashioned way - black and white photos

The importance of learning how to navigate

Why you shouldn’t compare yourself to other people 

Why you should try something new

“Make it happen and do it for you”.  

  Social Media

Website: www.tavicinitypublishing.co.uk 

Instagram: @tavicinity 

  Check out this episode!

[mcbex]

No Rest

While standing under a tarp at midnight glaring at a tent that has lost all integrity I wonder what is my point of rally? I pride myself on the ability to regroup in any situation. Often lingering in circumstances just to see what will happen if I push the tiniest bit beyond my discomfort. The hilarious predicaments that usually ensue are growing experiences that are normally fun to retell. I had yet to have any real issue with this way of thinking until this night. Which has shaken my confidence and left me wondering, if I know my own point of concession?

Let me back up, on vacation we decided to go wilderness camping. It was a .17 mile hike from the parking to our site. We brought 3 tents knowing it was going to rain hard. Since we had a huge site and room in the van we wanted to take full advantage of our situation, assuming we would rally through the impending rain. 1 tent was for the kids, 1 was big enough for only 2 sleeping bags and the third was to hang out in when it started to rain. Immediately we begin to have system failure when the first tent broke upon set up. So we adjusted the plan the kids would sleep in the extra one. We rallied!

Night 1, the was lantern broken, the crank radio was broken and the battery operated lantern had dead batteries. Dark, annoying but manageable under the fire light and flashlights. We rallied!

Night 2 after bringing in the rest of our gear and failing to get a canoe ride in due to the condition of the lake we admitted a little defeat as the issues seem to be mounting. So we went to bed after a small fire and a large amount of exhaustion. Then at 10pm the flood rain we had expected hit us like a hurricane. Who can sleep through this? I lay there awake a little stressed and praying for God to help me rest my eyes for a couple hours. But no sleep would come because at midnight I hear my daughter calling for help. Throwing on my rain coat and boots I rush to her tent in the pouring darkness. Exploding in I find their space and all our gear is already soaked and my children are laying in a large puddle. Water did not hesitate coming straight through the ceiling. Their sleeping bags, pillows, all our clothes, all the gear is sodden and it's only been raining 2 hours. This storm is supposed to take a full day to pass over.

Quickly in the inky blackness, using dim head lamps we move all the gear onto the picnic table under a tarp and assess what we can do. Here you find me huddled under the only protection we have from the deluge. A discussion ensues, but the only thought that comes to mind is how thirsty I am. Speaking with no filter I shout over the thunderous sound of the rain landing on the tarp and also splashing onto the ground. I ask " ... but, does anyone have any water!?..." With a long pause the 4 of us begin laughing uncontrollably. It's just to comic relief we need. Although I am truly thirsty. Tonight I feel like the woman at the well asking Jesus to please tell me everything.

Cramming into the 2 man tent we huddle in only the dryness we have left and rest together sharing pillows and sleeping bags through the blackest night I can remember. We left one flashlight on outside accidentally but I am thankful for the glow from outside and make no effort get up to shut it off. I close my eyes. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for l this night of unbelievable discomfort. I am thankful for the closeness we share and the love that seemingly knows no bounds. No one would sleep that night, and there would be no rest the next day either as we admit we have full system failure and spend 3 grueling hours breaking down camp in the heavy rains that would relentlessly continue to ooze into everything we own.

Three things about that woman at the well. She begged Jesus to tell her everything, she asked questions to learn the truth, and she went to get everybody she knew to come hear Jesus. When all that was finished He shared salvation with all of them.

I don't think I'll ever forget how directly this hit me that night. (And you know how I love it when God hits me right between the eyes.) I want to forever remember how thirsty I was and how the rain was pouring over us relentlessly reminding me that when I ask for a drink he will provide, he will cover me with so much love and salvation that it drips through my ceiling, permeate my clothes, all over my body and forces me closer to those around me. In that closeness it reminds me there is no rest for us who would share Gods words and love with those that are lost. In the rains and difficulty as well as in the sunshine of easy days I always want to realize how thirsty I am for Christ just like her.

Acts3:25 25 And you are heirs of the prophets and of the covenant God made with your fathers. He said to Abraham, ‘Through your offspring all peoples on earth will be blessed.’

‭John‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬-‭26‬, ‭28‬-‭30‬ “When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.” “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.” Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” They came out of the town and made their way toward him.”

#Godthoughts