#'haha he died because he was gay'

[catcatb0y]

That and half of them just REFUSE to see the innermost layer so the more fandom echoes in itself you have people who are like "His ONLY personality trait is that he is SAD AND GAY and NOTHING ELSE MATTERS even in his most tragic moments. It's not painful that he constantly compares himself to others, it's because he's gay," and then the other half are like "He's LITERALLY just an ASSHOLE who thinks he's BETTER than everyone else! He's meany head and a BULLY and don't you DARE try to even IMPLY that he's anything else!!"

When he is like. A complex character who struggles with BOTH his inferiority AND his superiority, and he genuinely believes them both. His General Assholishness is mostly a façade, but, no, he does default to anger because he's kind of an asshole. That's just what it's like being a gifted kid from a small town you end up Kind Of Weird.

People will really gag and drool over a character being multidimensional only to strip them of their dimensions and make them into the most bland, palatable bitch possible.

the reason so many characters who "use humor to mask the pain" or "are assholes with hearts that care DEEP down" are mischaracterized in fan content is because fans would like to explore the more vulnerable side implied but not shown all the time in the source, but in doing so forget the outer layer the character actually acts like most of the time, which then echoes as fans begin to immerse themselves in fan content exclusively without going back to the source for a long time. that is to say that you cant separate the outside self a character presents to others from their inner self and insecurities they are and have inside - they may have issues, but theyre still funny and/or an asshole

[alternishicons]

bisexual leo valdez and gay nico di angelo matching icons

artist links

🐟 / 🫧 / 🐟

🐚 / 🐋 / 🐚

🦈 / 🌊 / 🦈

[ashpkat]

i love the hc that pipers charmspeak isn’t as effective on nico because charmspeak is 10x more effective on ppl who r attracted to u

[mcybree]

Scott's relationship with Jimmy and Pearl is interesting to me

Scott's LL and DL dynamic with Pearl is a bit clearer, where they both loved each other in LL while in DL Pearl began with love for Scott (why wouldn't she?), but Scott didn't share that love for her

Scott also clearly shows that he didn't like Pearl in DL, publicly rejecting her and spreading the story that's she's crazy

With Jimmy, it's interesting because... while I'm pretty sure Jimmy loved Scott, I am however not sure Scott loved Jimmy.

Scott tries to paint the picture that they were perfect together, but that just doesn't line up with how he behaves when it comes to Jimmy For example he extended sympathies to Tango in DL for being teammates with Jimmy, I don't think you would do that if you actually enjoyed being teamed with him in 3rd life

Now, the thing that gets me is that with Pearl, Scott tries to make up to her, because he saw he was wrong. With Jimmy, he still clings to that image of 'the perfect relationship' of 3rd life

I think at least, idk, I'm not Scott, I don't know what's going on inside his brain

I do wish I could understand Scott's motivations sometimes, I love him but he is so confusing to me

Anyways, sorry for writing a lot without actually making a point, I just need to share my thoughts with someone who has a similar 3rd life FH interpretation as me

Sidenote: I use the word 'love' here as the broad term for it, so when I say that Pearl and Scott loved each other in LL, I do not mean they loved each other romantically

hello hello so I dont actually have a lot to add to this bc I think a lot of us are all on the same page about this already buuuuuuut I do have some thoughts on this:

“Now, the thing that gets me is that with Pearl, Scott tries to make up to her, because he saw he was wrong. With Jimmy, he still clings to that image of 'the perfect relationship' of 3rd life”

There’s a few reasons for this (pearl is better at the game than jimmy, scott doesnt see the inherent worth in people and therefore scott doesnt really see jimmy as like. a person) but a really interesting angle to take on this is to examine the difference between how Scott views his platonic and romantic relationships. Granted this is a lot more speculatory than strictly citation based, the only things I’m citing here are Scott’s two perfect jimmy after life endings where the roles are very clear cut despite jimmy not really being. Like That. As well as Scott’s weird fixation on jimmy in particular in DL and beyond (but particularly how he goes about it in limlife + SL as DL is more just outright bullying than weird flirting).

While Scott is still weird about Pearl too sometimes, Pearl is more often the one to bring it up first and most the time I think Scott likes to pretend he doesn’t give a shit about her anymore. Because Scott puts romantic relationships up on a pedestal, he has more rigid expectations about how his relationship with Jimmy was supposed to have actually been like, so in retrospect he’s a lot more willing to glorify it and romanticize what they had than he otherwise would be. He needs to cling on to this whole hopeless romantic with a tragic love schtick as part of his identity or else he dies even though the only genuine human connections he’s made in his entire life have been platonic. He just likes the appeal of being a romantic in theory because he values dedication and loyalty in a way that resonates with the stereotypical storybook romance.

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

remembering that time i forgot i left oil in a pan on a lit stove while cutting peppers for an omelet a few months ago.

me: 'oh, what's that sound? it sounds like my alarm clock.' *two seconds later* me: 'I didn't leave my alarm clock on this morning...' *looks over and realizes wtf is happening*

anyway, i then proceeded to speculate w my friend on whether or not a firefighter au could work because im just that unhinged. JUST THAT UNHINGED. (ofc like after the smoke cleared out and everything WAS FINE. rip that pan though dude).

"AND ITD BE CALLED 'SHE SET THE ROOM A-BLIGHT'" "no it should be 'She set the room a-luz"" "wait no ur so right." that idea lives in my head rent FREE. RENT FREE. both of those puns, "PLEASE TELL ME THE FIRST RESPONSE YOU HAD FROM ALMOST BURNING DOWN UR APARTMENT WAS NOT FANFICTION, BILLY"

"..."

"BILLY!!!"

[asherdawg]

ok idk what the fuck is up with me today but I'm feeling really shitty so im gnna just spout some random shit here

what i dislike about my girl friends

have to explain football to them every time i watch

they're all stupid and i have to help them study

can't play basketball with them cuz they suck and are all short (same with volleyball)

they make me listen to their shitty songs lol

none of them can cook so whenever they come over i have to make food for them

i can't understand when they talk about girl shit

what i like about my girl friends

im faster than them

smarter than them

cooler than them

i don't have to match with them when they match clothes

when we go to a hot place they have to wear bras and i can be shirtless

they don't like when i smoke which is annoying but its nice of them i guess

they make me feel tall

what i dislike about my dude friends

taller than me

stronger than me

always call me a femboy

call me slurs

homophobic

racist

what i like about my dude friends

they're hot as fuck

[yhowdy]

Any minute now, Joe.

[lizaluvsthis]

I played Gmod for the first time!

I was given family share in order to have gmod for free so here I got it on steam and started doing stuff / poses randomly for the gays!

And heres another bonus!

AU context: Puzzles finally finished off the crew and since he has so much beef on mario so thus that whole kill thing went into his mind and so he did- right afterMario is killed off by somekind of a weapon (idk like something that doesnt make him immortal enough to avoid since its like magic-) The world starts shaking and crumbling down- PV would start wondering whats happening or what he did rong- SMG3 yells at him for being an "IDIOT!" SMG4 then starts crying- telling him that if he dies the world dies- smth like that- haha finished off all gone lol lol lol

Puzzles started regretting to himself why he did that and he couldve turned to the brighter and good opportunity to rise again but no he went to the bad and he got himself there now.

so just him on his knees looking down at mario staring horrified

the whole world is doomed- because of me.

[oxydiane]

sns is so fucking unhinged and nobody will ever be them i’m sorry. you start the series and it’s like oh haha look at these goofy angsty rivals! they hate each other! then sasuke dies for naruto thirty chapters in giving up his dream of revenge and naruto goes batshit insane. now you’re like ah they’re friends i guess that’s cute! and sasuke is trying to kill naruto because he’s the most important person in his life which is . ok and it becomes the driving force of everything or something. sasuke leaves and naruto dedicates the rest of his life to bringing him back and you’re still a casual fan so ur like he’s doing it for the promise right? then orochimaru says sasuke is his and naruto goes batshit insane feral homicidal (again) and after that sasuke reappears and they have ??? like five different panels dedicated to them staring at each other??? and he jumps off a mountain and hugs naruto for some reasons just to whisper some gay shit in his ear kishimoto frankly needs to be jailed drawing this and keep that best friend nonsense going. anyways. you have sasuke become a convicted terrorist to which the normal people response is “ok we need to hunt him down” and when naruto learns they’re gonna hunt him down he starts screaming crying throwing up he has a panic attack he can’t breathe he’s falling in the snow he gets on his knees and begs them to spare his BFF. after having a meltdown over the thought of sasuke dying what may possibly be the natural coping mechanism any stable person would adapt? of course realising that if sasuke dies he can die too. so he sees sasuke again and after he attempts murdering sakura twice and expresses the intent to murder kakashi he’s like. i will bear the burden of your hatred and die with you hehe and if we both die you won’t be an uchiha and i won’t be the jinchuuriki to the nine tails and we’ll be able to understand each other better in a different lifetime! WE’LL MEET AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE NOT EVEN DEATH CAN DO US PART! and sasuke (just as insane as him) doesn’t even flinch he’s like what the fuck is wrong with you but then ok let’s fuckingggf die together on my god i will kill your first anyways . then they find out they are soulmates and get cute matching tattoos on their hands and decide to fight to the death once more because sasuke is back on his i will shoulder all the hatred of the world alone and i need to kill you because i love you more than anyone else in the world actually you’re the only person i love so you need to DIE and naruto is like I WILL NOT LET YOU SHOULDER THAT HATRED ALONE I WILL FREE YOU FROM THE PAIN and they fight and despite all the whatever weapons used in the war it’s a fuckinggg fistfight in which just as sasuke is about to inflict what he thinks is the last blow says “farewell… my one and only…………………. (very long pause to accentuate how heteronormative this next word is gonna be) FRIEND” and fucking stops using his sharingan because not even then he can record the image of naruto dying especially by his hand but naruto STOPS HIM LIKE A f cHAMP and they end up blowing each other’s arms off (rip the matchies) and as they’re bleeding to the fucking death sasuke is like you’re the only person that has never tried to severe their ties with me why do you go so far for me and naruto from the depths of comphet hell is like because you’re my FRIEND and sasuke being absolutely done with this bullshit is like ok what the fuck does that mean to you then and this is where it gets even gayer and relatable because naruto is like i don’t KNOW i just know that when you hurt i hurt and i just can’t take it and isn’t that the most gay experience thing ever? naruto knows what it feels like to have friends but what he feels for sasuke is so bone deep and unconventional that he cannot make sense of it and can only describe the pain it brings. after that sasuke CRIES LIKE THEYVE GOT ME SOOO FUCKED UP but you know what got me even more fucked up?

naruto waking up bloodied and battered and half alive with one arm missing but still wondering if that was heaven because sasuke was next to him. sasuke looking so happy and peaceful when saying “i lost” as a stark contrast to him looking and feeling like half of his body was being torn apart when he “won” against naruto in vote1 and left him. the bitterness of victory vs the sweetness of losing if you will. AND HIM COMPARING WHAT HE FEELS FOR NARUTO TO PRAYING MY GODD. did i forget to mention that then we learn that Ohhh it was never a stupid shallow rivalry as we all thought! they have actually been watching each other from afar since they were little freshly traumatised children and have longed to hold each other’s hands since then! what was it sasukeeee you felt warm and fuzzy when you saw naruto to thought of it as a weakness? these two are so astronomically hopelessly desperately obsessed in love with each other it’s ridiculous i’ve had ENOUGH free me from this mental prison

[prince-liest]

Saw a post recently that rhetorically asked why authors and show writers leaving character sexuality up to interpretation is disappointing when fifteen years ago getting a statement that things were up to interpretation (as opposed to "Definitely NOT gay, you freaks!") was a blessing, and I make a point of never discoursing on the bird app, but wanted to share some thoughts on the subject here - particularly because Alastor is kind of a hot topic on this subject and I think he actually makes for a great example for my thoughts on this.

Honestly, as someone who did live through the "if you think my characters are gay then you're stupid and should die" era, I think it left me with the perspective that even if there is canon sexuality, then no matter what it is, you're free to then do whatever you want in fandom. People might call you a dick for it if you go about it in certain ways, but you're free to do it.

That said... that's not really what wanting canon confirmation is about. It's about having canon representation, especially for identities that we often don't see representation of. For example: Alastor being aromantic is "up for interpretation," and that specifically feels bad when it's explicitly been framed that way as a cop out to appease shippers (per Viv), especially when in canon you can see he's intended to be aroace based off of how Rosie talks about him.

Yes, things are better now than they were 15 years ago... but standards are higher now, too!

And in particular I think that while in 2008 or so, "It's up to interpretation!" basically meant "Yeah, they might be gay but I can't say it," nowadays the meaning has shifted. I see a lot of people chiming into any mention of aroace Alastor with this attitude of "Um, actually, he's NOT aromantic because it wasn't confirmed by Viv (even though he wasn't confirmed to NOT be aro either)," rather than the spirit of "Oh, yeah, he might be aro, that's a valid interpretation!" It actually feels very similar to seeing people go "Well, X is OBVIOUSLY straight (the default) because he wasn't confirmed to like men!"

...in 2008, haha.

Anyway, fandom always feels to me like a 'do whatever you want' zone, but I think just based off of the sheer volume and depth of genuine and heartfelt reactions people have had to Alastor as a character and his portrayal as aroace... having canon representation and seeing yourself in media you enjoy matters a great deal to many people.

I had a really emotional moment when I read my preorder of House of Hades from the Percy Jackson series back in middle school and realized that Nico di Angelo was an actual gay character in an actual real, physical book that I was holding in my hands, not "just" a headcanon from my nebulously safe online fandom spaces, for the first time ever. Similarly, people have been headcanoning various characters as ace for a long, long time, but to me it's never had the same punch to it as it being official when it comes to those kinds of feelings re: representation.

So leaving that kind of thing "up to interpretation" specifically as an alternative to providing representation to a group of people who rarely sees it is disappointing, but it's not for shipping reasons.

[worstqueerbaittournament]

Submission message: howdy, would like to submit keith and lance from voltron (lmao)

Submission message: BBC Sherlock and Moriarty / BBC Sherlock and John Watson

Additional propaganda: Now Keith and Lance on the other hand was a whole fucking mess that they then shoehorned in an hetero romance to try and "fix it" but by lord it was bad, everything about voltron is so fucking bad

Anyway this is my Klance propaganda : They were actually bait

Klance's queer baiting by the team was the worst!! We had to deal with NETFLIX ALSO GETTING IN ON THE QUEER BAITING!! If you searched up Kkance during the times for season 6-8, the SHOW WOULD POP UP. The directors would make jokes about it being canon, even Lance's VA got in the joke!

Their queer baiting was the worst for anyone who was even looking for an ounce of queer rep in that show. The only queer rep we got was a man who died after not even 5 minutes on screen, and shoehorned in the credit scene of a gay wedding of a character that was neither Keith nor Lance.

I do not know Agatha and Sophie, so I can't argue that klance was bigger bait or not, I just know voltron was mean lmao. the creators said stuff like "lance will be someone's first choice!" (meaning NOT ending up in a relationship with allura bc she very much chose another guy over him) and heavily implying he would be Keith's 1st choice (or a guy in general bc of point number 2). point number 2: they also released official art showing how super cool and diverse the main cast was! race! gender! LGBT - they had shiro (who was......canon gay but that's a whole other can of worms) and lance hold the sign with LGBT on it and then did absolutely nothing with that w lance at all (he hit on allura, so obvi he's not gay, but at least bi or smt) (UNLESS you count the scenes where he's flirty with keith). I just remember going into the last few seasons being like "klance probably won't be happen be honest with yourself there's like no queer kids shows!! but damn like it so could tho!!! because of how much it's been teased both in the show and by showrunners like I can't have no hope with the way the producers talk about it!" lmao I should have had no hope, but i genuinkey believed there was a possibility it could happen. and actually I discovered after the fact that i think one of the writers for the show who was the main advocate for klance (they had a lot of diff writers for eps, which led to lots of character butchering but ANYWAY) left not terribly long into the show I believe bc he didn't like the direction it was moving in and didn't want to be tied to the show anymore. so it's not like fans just made klance up either - it was written into earlier episodes with the hope and plan to continue developing later, and then just nothing ever happened with it besides INTENSE teasing it to keep queer fans around. esp after shiro's relationship was literally only a flashback and then his fiance thing or whatever got blown up before we even got to watch him interact w shiro as we knew him in present time in s7, so I think they kept being like hmmm klance and the stuff about lance being a first choice before s8 to keep ppl around. also esp bc klancers made up such a big portion of the fan base. then they made a horrible szn and ended it w a flashforward to shiro marrying some random background character who maybe had 1 line? I just remember hitting the flashforward and being like uhhhh who is this dude??? but they did that to hit those diversity points wow first gay marriage in a cartoon or smt idk it doesn't count to me really. so anyway voltron in general is queerbait lol but klance is because it started out as a legit possibility and then they said sike! but only maybe sike bc u guys are mad at us burying our guys in s7 so maybe klance could still happen haha okay now we're serious no it's not happening. anyway I think klance is p bad queerbait and a vote for them is a valid vote, not just u liking the ship.

#im sorry but johnlock is a household name in ther queerbait trenches

I don't know much about blaze runner, but this website made me endure Johnlock FOR YEARS, that ship makes me so fucking angry, and it's so much bait, the whole fucking show is just 4 kinds of bait in a trenchcoat trying to pass as something good, and Tumblr(and the rest of the goddamn world) ate it up like a five course meal. So anyway that's why I'm voting Johnlock

[bonezaw]

Tf2 Halloween Headcanons

- Pyro and Solider always absolutely DEVOUR the candy. As they are at war, and unable to go trick or treating, Ms. Pauling lets them have exactly one (1) bag of cheap candy per year. Pyro likes the wax soda bottles, and Solider likes the Whoppers.

- Medic WILL show everyone The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, and M. Scout is either absolutely fucking horrified, or bored during both.

- Speaking of Scout, when watching movies, he is a screamer. Catch him instinctively clinging onto Sniper, then letting go, because 'that's gay, man'.

- Sniper loves creature and survival based horror movies. I don't know much of these, but I'm imagining those old movies with the giant spiders and excesive blood. Sometimes, when someone dies, or if someone gets a particularly good shot, he'll chuckle, and go, "haha, noice".

- Solider demands everyone watch his old propaganda horror films. They are terrible. He talks and shouts the entire time, slinging insults at fictional communists. This is usually the point in the night where everyone falls asleep.

- After watching movies, Medic spends the entirety of his night reading medical horror stories, and sitting in his chair, quietly cackling. It's his little Halloween treat.

- Demo made pumpkin spice rum. Everyone who drinks it vomits profusely, then immediately and violently dies.

- Pyro's sad he can't go trick or treating. Scout misses being a kid. Halloween makes him really miss his brothers.

- Spy constantly goes on about how much he hates holidays, but secretly, Halloween is his guilty favorite. Throughout the day, everyone gets the bejesus scared out of them, and none of them ever know it was him.

- Scout leaps a good foot into the air after Engie makes one of those hand-grabbing candy bowls.

- Speaking of which, Engie manages to supply some fairly decent looking pumpkins. He will demonstrate to anyone who'd like to see, how quickly his gunslinger can degut a pumpkin.

- Demo tells drunken horror stories of monsters, and, Sniper- Oh. He is talking about that time he kissed a Yowie.

- Medic walks into the living room covered in blood, and everyone screams for a good several seconds before calming down.

[soobibabe]

MOA bitchFUL era 6 members - 6 active

yeonjun: GUYS SOMEONE GOT FUCKING PRoPOSED TO INFRONT OF ME yeonjun changed group's name to "moa bitchFUL era"

taehyun: thats nice. good for them. yeonjun: AT SEND OFF? ??? I THOUGHT MOAS WERE LIKE US??? you: bitchless? yeonjun: YES? WHAT HAPPENED TO TOGETHERNESS? kai: no you've got a point

soobin: that's crazy me personally if someone proposed to me in front of bebe rexha I would looking at them with a blank expression and ask "who dis?" ngl beomgyu: don't speak, peasant soobin: ? you: what's up with you two? kai: soobins is in another dating scandal with the same guy as last time and beomgyus mad because (a) soobin didn't deny it (b) he didn't tell any of us and (c) the week prior, they were on another bromance trip again :3

yeonjun: ik its pride month, and I'm happy for you beomgyu or condolences BUT WE AS A COLLECTIVE NEED TO PREPARE FOR DISASTER! CRISIS! SSSSOOOSSS beomgyu: kys soobin: im NOT dating Seonghwa, Q, Keonhee or Zhang Hao guys ^.^ kai: WHORE why do you remember all their names you: exactly!!! why do you have other friends Choi Soobin?????? beomgyu: oh but when I say it I'm gay huh 😒 yeonjun: HELLOou*oo))000? ARE WE JUST GOING TO IGnORE THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM? MOA NO BITCHLESS ERA??? beomgyu: you're an elephant in the room taehyun: Oh, dear god. I fear you may actually be onto something yeonjun. What if we lose our fanbase? Should I start posting thirst traps again? Guys seriously. you: NO 🙅‍♀️🚫🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ we cannot go back to the dark ages PLSLLSLLSLS those tik tok posting schedules era was BRUTAL

yeonjun: Taehyun I love your big sexy wrinkled brain please don't change no jungkook kai: remember that time Namjoon exposed tyun for his JK wallpaper LMAOOOOOOOOOO taehyun: huening kai. kai: apologies. sorrows. soobin: oh my god no yeah pls TAEHYUN U ARE SO RIGHT y/n start first!!! guys!! this is an emergency!!!!!!!!!!!!! you: SHUTUTUT UPPUPPUPU yeonjun: Hes right, youre our main visual

beomgyu: guys if MOA start marrying each other does that mean no more fan service? if so I say lets support the movement!!! SICK and TIRED of seeing those "Y/N MARRY ME" comments on my welives soobin: hey I comment those taehyun: ??? you: well yeonjun: this reminds me of that one time I was on tik tok and a yeonjun x y/n imagine came up about us getting married and leaving txt OH MY GOD WAS THAT GOD FORESHADOWING kai: since when did you believe in god??? yeonjun: GUYS WHAT IF MOAS GETTING MARRIED ACTUALLY MEANS THAT Y/N AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED AND WE'LL LIVE HAPPILY E VER AFTER AND TXT WILL NOT GO EXTINCT AND WE KISS AND WE HOLD HANDS AND ONE DAY WE FALL INLOVE DEADASS AND HAVE 3 KIDS AND WE LIVE TOGETHER FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES AND RAISE LITTLE MODEL FASHION BABIES I CAN STYLE AND THEYD HAVE SUCH GOOD GENES DO YOU SEE THE VISION

beomgyu kicked yeonjun from moa bitchFULL era beomgyu: now that that's over, how about we go get ice cream? taehyun: sure. kai: ICE CREAM >>>.<<< ^////^

soobin: can we add him back i kinda like when he's off his hinges wait yes we can because I'm the leader and I say so HAHA soobin added yeonjun to moa bitchFUL era yeonjun: thanks soobin soobin did you know that I love you you know soobin? soobin kicked yeonjun from moa bitchFUL era soobin: boy wth was that you added yeonjun to moa bitchFUL era you: guys what if I said i have a long term low maintenance long distance low commitment casual boyfriend

you left moa bitchFUL era kai: ????? soobin: there's a g*n in my mouth actually yeonjun: did I just get cheated on? taehyun: wasn't I the long term low maintenance low commitment casual bf? wdym long distance?? kai: ????? x2 beomgyu: ☹️☹️?? I THOUGHT WE WERE SOULMATES?? soobin: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

A/N: they’re all a little insane in today’s ep. sorry!

[solitaryandwandering]

A Ramble: Love in the Big City Eps 1-2

I just watched episode 2 of Love in the Big City and I am... reeling. Cried when Kim Nam Gyu died, when Yeong and Mi Rae sang together at the wedding, cried at the crushing ending line. I loved the direction in these two episodes; one of the reasons I was super excited to watch this was because they're switching up the directors for each part. Such a cool way to signal transitions in Yeong's life. Now that I've seen the caliber Son Tae Gyum operated at I'm intrigued to see how direction will affect the next parts. Maybe I'll write up a thing about that in the end, but I'm hopeful others will as well! I am chomping at the bit to read the book, seriously!!

I have to mention first what a BALLSY move it was for them to open on Yeong's tryst with a man who was cheating on someone currently in the military. And he walks in the door, STILL IN UNIFORM. What a fucking slap in the face to hegemonic masculinity!!

After this first part what I am really lingering on are two things: queer loneliness and heteronormativity's relationship to misogyny. I'm just gonna put down my half-baked thoughts, I don't have the time or spoons to formulate coherent sentences haha

Though I saw Nam Gyu's death coming just based on vibes in the first episode, its impact wasn't lessened. Its significance didn't really hit me until I saw how empty his funeral was. Loneliness shaped his life - repression, liberation in meeting another gay man, falling in love with him way too fast, forming a dependent attachment, his desperation/obsessiveness in losing it so abruptly. He expressed his queerness in his photography, voyeuristic and seeking closeness with his subjects in the only way he felt was available to him. He had no friends, no relationships outside of his with Yeong. When Yeong breaks up with him and when he visits him drunk in ep 2, he says "falling in love is not a sin." To me, this shows just how removed from a loving community he has been, how nascent his queerness. He's still processing homophobia, it still influences every move he makes, everything he thinks. Clearly he has not had close relationships with other queers, where he may feel free to unburden himself. He falls back on heteronormative performance of romance, searching the best places for dates, not having anyone to ask. Knowing he's older makes this hurt more.

His story brought to mind the futility of AIDS-related deaths in the U.S., to be honest. I lost my gay uncle before I even knew him, and I know no one from his life. I know it's not a perfect parallel, but that funeral... this emptiness carries beyond one queer person's death. And Yeong's journey in these two episodes is about queer loneliness, of course. But his story is not as tragic as Nam Gyu's. He has (amazing) queer friends, and at one point had Mi Rae. He is much more connected to the queer community than Nam Gyu ever was. Despite his immaturity, Yeong is also much more familiar and comfortable with his queerness. I imagine this thread of self-actualization in the face of loneliness will continue in the rest of the show.

@twig-tea and @poetry-protest-pornography also wrote about queer loneliness in this show: here and here

And then we have Mi Rae, a vitally important relationship in Yeong's life, the love this part of the story is about. I met my best friend in college as well, so this part of the story was bringing up a lot of feelings too. To me, their friendship was as much about navigating heteronormativity as anything else, reflected in Yeong's reflection that "she learned that being a gay man sucks, and I learned that being a woman sucks just as much." Mi Rae is impacted by misogyny in every step of her character's journey: male classmates labeling her a slut and claiming her body for theirs, being groped, her challenges obtaining an abortion and mistreatment by a male doctor (where she literally claims her uterus back), her conflict with her parents (I'm assuming her mother had very rigid ideas of what a woman should be, based on her behavior at the wedding), hiding her past from her boyfriend, forced to defend herself when he questions why she lives with a man, shutting herself off from her relationship with Yeong (and thus rejecting her past) after the wedding. I looked up the status of abortion in Korea (a legal gray zone) and was reminded of how badly women there have it, which provided more context for her behavior.

Yeong must also traverse heteronormativity, which is what ultimately drives a wedge between the two and ends their friendship. In the beginning, their mutual rejection of heteronormative scriptures is what brings them together. He stands up for her against those male classmates, in an interaction steeped with assumptions of his heterosexuality. In rejecting her objectification he made himself a pariah for refusing to participate in normative masculinity. And their relationship continues thus, with her promising never to out him. She betrays him in a moment where she feels her participation in normative heterosexuality is threatened (and, indeed, it is a legitimately precarious position to be put in as a woman). Their brief reconciliation mainly consists of Yeong participating in a heterosexual ritual - he has no access to marriage in Korea. Her singing with him and letting go of her inhibitions for one last time was her goodbye to him and her ultimate acceptance of a more heteronormative life. One he can't participate in.

I hope that made any lick of sense. So looking forward to watching the next week. I am holding myself back from watching the next episodes right now. So hard.

[foggywrites]

Sarmenti and Baldwin would be the funniest possible couple because like. Think about it. Baldwin was a king and developed leprosy during his rule. Historically, lepers were legally bound to be celibate and honestly. Let’s be so real. Baldwin has a complex about not passing his illness on to others so I don’t think he’d be “dtf” in the slightest. Considering he’s based off of Baldwin IV of Jerusalem as well, who most likely died a virgin, it’s safe to assume that our lovely Baldwin darkestdungeon is probably a virge too. He’a probably convinced that his dick just doesn’t work because he’s so repressed. Then you have Sarmenti who I feel like would self identify as a slut. Within a week of meeting he would be like haha Baldwin wouldn’t it be so crazy if we fucked. Oops sorry I mean fucked. Oops my bad I mean fucked. And would 100% write bizarre erotic sonnets about him just for shits and gigs. Even though Baldwin has presumably been away from his kingdom for a while he’s probably still fairly religious (he’s canonically listed as one of the religious heroes iirc) so he’s like are you there God it’s me Baldwin I’m being harassed by a gay clown and i was never taught how to handle this in So You Want to Lead a Crusade 101. Their relationship can be summed up by this image

[thighguys]

Phan Fic Recs #3!!

here is the requested long fic list! these are all 100k+, not all of them are finished (i didn't put any on here that aren't actively updating tho) and all of them are SO good so i hope you enjoy :)

Silver Arrows To The Heart by @evermorepeyton (137k WIP)- this one is a duplicate from the other list but there might be a few on here, ignore that<3 anyway this fic is AMAZING!!! dan and phil formula 1 drivers au- they're both on Mercedes and lots of awesome teammates to lovers hijinks ensue<3 this one gets a special shoutout for having some fantastic female characters (who are dare i say just as intriguing as dnp themselves?) and also bc the author is a beautiful human who i love<3 a super fun fic and very in character for both of them (somehow lmao, you wouldnt expect it with racecar drivers but somehow it works so well)

dancing on the blades (you set my heart on fire) by kishere (123k)- imagine all the 2009 phan lore but if dan and phil were figure skaters. yep, it's a yuri on ice au where dan scores a spot in the famous Lester training gym and meets phil, who is one of the most well known figure skaters in england<3 fantastic fantastic fic, such perfect vibes and lots of great lester family cameos<3

Strictly Come Dancing but make it GAY! by @natigail (176k)- the final duplicate from the medium list<3 this fic is AMAZING!!!! this is the one that got me back into phanfic in general afterhaving not read any for about 6 years, it's a strictly come dancing au where phil is a hot pro dancer and dan is a celebrity/gay activist, and they accidentally become the first gay couple to compete in scd<3 FANTASTIC outfit and dance descriptions, i listened to all the songs while reading it and it was honestly so lovely i felt like i could see it so clearly<3 also- the lore references are AMAZING lol i felt like a pro every time i found a little easter egg. amazing fic, i HIGHLY recommend it<3

A Semester Abroad by @everything-is-as-it-was (162k WIP)- this one is really fun!! lots of domestic phouse vibes as it is about an american college student who gets stranded in England after a study abroad housing situation falls through and who gets accidentally taken in by these two random british guys with a REALLY weird house... sooo funny, it's really quite cute and i highly recommend giving it a read! I love outsider pov and this has an abundance of funny moments because dnp are Weird

Broke, Gay and New in Town by @natigail (347k)- do you want the softest, cutest, most magical and compelling story to ever exist??? literally look no further because right here is the dan and phil stardew valley au and it is SO CUTE!!! dan inherits a farm from his grandfather and decides to ditch his boring life to go and run it, and he has so many adventures along the way. oh yeah phil is there too and hes SO CUTE and they fall in love :3 seriously so cute, also you don't need stardew valley knowledge to enjoy this it is independently perfect (i have never played the game and actually learned what it was From this fic so ur good lol)

linger on by dizzy, waveydnp (184k)- this one is so so so sweet... non youtuber au where 33yo phil has been living with his parents, but when his dad dies his mom decides to sell the house and phil has to find somewhere new to live. so ofc he becomes roommates with some guy called dan, and ummm they fall in love? honestly they are SO perfect in this fic, i adore it<3 highly recommend

L'Histoire Française by danfanciesphil (105k)- suuuuper fun teachers au! phil is a history professor and dan is his TA. this fic is SO FUN!!!! genuinely adore it lol, it's one of the first phan fics i ever read and it has stayed with me forever<3

So Many Stars by transdimensional_void (152k)- another teachers au :) dnp meet when they both become english teachers at a school in japan and this is VERY cute <3

okay there's the list!! sorry this one is shorter than the others haha, there are too few long fics in the phandom :( but all of these are so so lovely and i hope you enjoy! lol some distractions may be needed during these trying times <3