#'do you want italian meats on your sandwich'

[scringee]

I think this is what their conversations were like

[soulrph]

chaotic unhinged lines from 2022-2023 (prompt edition).

basically in 2021 i made a list of prompts inspired by lines in tiktok videos and instagram reels that made me laugh so hard i cried! and now i have returned with another list! these may provide an alarmingly clear image of what my sense of humor is (aka broken) but i figure a little levity is always a good thing! more prompts are forthcoming, but in the mean time: bon appetit!

knowledge has always chased you, but you've always been faster.

no... no, that was mango apathy juice. from the farmer's market.

of all these people, you are the one i understand the least. i want to get to know you better, but like, not that much better.

i-i will CHEW YOUR MEAT!! WHAT are you doing?!

ooooh god, no, you wouldn't be long getting frostbit!

you are evil. like a hobbit.

WHY MUST YOU FAIL ME SO OFTEN?!?!!?

i have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

AHEM!! fill my cup.

may god ignore you like you ignored my greetings.

i will avenge you mister van gogh.

call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder. here's fifteen dollars.

you're not in love. you may think you are, you dumb fuck, but you're not.

go ahead and put the ranch away.

sadly, "hopefully" doth butter no parsnips.

forget school, i want to be an italian sandwich.

you shouldn't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster.

you can stop roleplaying now. you're free.

her coupon game was so fucking raw.

i'm sorry guys... he's making a salad.

you could get a straight guy here if you learned to make a good pasta. i'll teach you how to make a risotto that'll get you married and out of my basement.

hey, do you want me to get together a plate of roast beef and hide it in our room so we can have night meats?

it's not the most ethical thing in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.

no, children, you're wrong. once upon a time, there was a piece of wood.

and i'm not saying she deserved it, but i am saying that god's timing is always riiiiight.

hydrate or die-drate, ya DICK!

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD.

new york city is a fictional place written up by someone with a sinister mind and a knack for comedy.

this is grindr my guy.

wait, i didn't finish teaching you the difference between human and wolf anatomy.

it's time to tell your grandmother that she was wrong. do not be afraid.

vanilla vodka... you fucking child.

without ash to rise from, a phoenix would just be a bird getting up.

you are fucking alive. do what you want.

why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? this isn't how guys of my generation hang out.

i hope a hedgehog shits in your cereal, you difficult person.

you know, i am not as mean as i would like to be. and i think people should appreciate that more.

see, i am not a kangaroo.

well, i'd like to help, but... you see... not as much as i'd like not to.

rest in peace you fucking onion fairy.

when god sings with all his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

i fight for a seat in heaven, every. single. day.

map maker? can you find me somewhere on the map where this big man thinks he's the king?

you bald-headed demon...

so... there are 24 million pigs in australia... and 24 million people... so if you ever feel lonely, there's like, a pig out there that's sort of your cosmic twin.

remember, alcohol is god's apology for making us self-aware.

i'm straight!! stop CONFUSING me!!!!!

you guys want something to eat? because... i know we'll die if we don't eat.

he is a BIBLICALLY gorgeous man. i wanna feed him grapes. i wanna fan him with the frond of a date palm from the forests of Lebanon. i wanna find the alabaster vial of perfume oil that one woman broke for jesus and comb it through his hair. like... he's stressing me OUT.

i'm not sad! i'm freaking HUNGRY!

maybe, if we wait a little bit longer, a fuck will fall into my hand, and i can give it to you.

it's not my fault you thought you lived in this IKEA.

let's leave my mother out of this.

jason may kill people but he's not bad enough to kick a dog.

i run for LUMP!

oh no, i'm all out of caring, baby!

you don't think it mcbe that way... but it mcdo.

what is this enticing bowl of white?

serious question, do his nipples sparkle?

what in the reese's peanut butter fuck is going on here?

if your parents don't buy it, stop loving them!

i just hope you know just how much you've decreased productivity today.

that was poetry at its FINEST.

and if you let that motherfucker shenan ONCE, you best believe they're gonna shenanIGAN!

may god bless the dinosaur that died to make the fossil fuel that was treated to become petrol in the car that took her mom to the hospital to give birth to her.

that's modern milk for ya. what a time to be alive.

you have attachment issues. please fix it.

remember when people had secrets? we should bring that back.

the moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal.

i don't like the cobra chicken.

i didn't know eggs were this expensive? it's time to lay my own, i fear.

so you're saying the reason i don't have a girlfriend is because i'm not a big enough threat yet.

god gave him a top lip, that's why he's so powerful.

it's a common mistake, but frankenstein was actually the author.

i finally got a pocket-sized diary!!! also i don't get the concept of life.

if a beautiful woman disagrees with me, i will immediately change my view. i've no principles.

how did you all end up married to such boiled potatoes?

if so much as one tear drops from their eye... i will slap you back into your mum.

you are ringing a phone that does not like to be rung.

look how Dr. doofenschmirtz had a fucked up childhood but didn't project his trauma onto his teenage daughter. he projected it onto a platypus.

it is mathematically impossible for you to get a wedgie.

i'm breaking up with you. i love you, it's just... i don't think you could protect me from a mummy.

if you can't do fractions....... you will fucking die.

that's right; in the year 1791, all of our bottoms were killed in a Big Bottom Massacre.

people always assume i'm mean. like CAN you BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! like WHAT would make you think i'm MEAN?! I'M THE NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!

the chocolate milk is strikingly overpriced and at the same time very easy to steal; another of god's little tests.

someone's gotta tell the waiter that i ordered mashed 'taters and it sure as shit ain't gonna be me.

if i had a week i couldn't list all the reasons that wouldn't work.

[tarjapearce]

I'm just minding my own business, eating a nice hot Italian sausage sandwich, and my brain decided to do the naughty thinking

Imagine Miguel all pent up cause he hasn't been home cause our big man's a workaholic, and when he is home he's dead tired or you're busy too for whatever reason. You two finally get to sit down and have dinner for a little date night, he's just finally relaxing and ready to dig into the delicious meal you two made together, and the poor poor man looks up just in time to see your lips wrapped around a sausage or any other suggestive food item., and his brain just fries.

I never understood the food leading to dirty thoughts thing until one of my exes straight up forbid me from getting ice cream cones or popsicles on dates and he had to explain it. Now I just find it hilarious

Oh nonny, 🤭

Mild nsfw undercut. suggestive, Dirty minded Miguel ~

It didn't matter how heavy his shoulders felt like or how hefty they slumped, exhausted as he was, knowing you awaited him with welcoming arms was his reward after an extra busy day at HQ.

The Boss would find himself lost in your loving embrace, replenishing his energies with that gesture alone.

"Welcome home, Miggy"

Your voice was like a lullaby after the countless screams, barking orders to recruits that seemed to be slacking and so many complaints about the little malfunctions of his gizmo. But now, he was home with you, ready to prepare dinner.

Being a leader was exhausting, and when he was exhausted, he'd be hungry. Mostly of the times he'd be starving for you. Either just physical comfort like showering him in affection, playing with his hair or even letting him snuggle you on the bed or couch, whichever he plopped on first.

But other times it was the hunger for having you a trembling and breathless mess underneath him, mewling his name and pleading for more of him.

He chopped his share of vegetables as you cooked other things next to him. The little chat about his day turned into little playful bites on his arm, trying to light his mood up.

"Go sit down, I'll serve. You're tired."

"I'm okay, corazón."

You slapped his butt gently and smooched him, "None of that. You always work hard. Lemme spoil you, ok? Go sit."

Knowing that arguing with you was futile, he went to his seat and you served him one of his favorite comfort foods.

Huevos rancheros, some chile con queso and some spicy sausages. The way his lips burned at the spicy food was one of your preferred faces he made whenever eating along a tall glass of lemonade.

He dug right in after you sat next to him, devouring his food like he hadn't eaten in a long time, and knowing him, he probably hadn't have a nutritious meal in the past days. He groaned in delight at your seasoning.

"You'll choke, sweetheart. Do you want more?"

"I'll get it, it's ok."

He was about to stand up when his eyes darted towards you and your lips. Pouty and kissable lips perfectly molded in the round shape of the sausage. His Adam's apple bobbed as you bit down gently on it, letting the taste invade your mouth with a satisfied groan.

Some of the meats juices scurried away in the corner of your lips, one of your fingers dabbed away the little droplets before sucking it off your finger. His brain was entering an override. Lips parted as you took another bite, a little groan rumbled at the base of his throat as his eyes fixed on the degluting motion of your throat.

Just the way it moved when he slid in and out of your mouth, using your warm crevice in a more creative and delicious way. Your tongue peeked to lick your bottom lip, cleaning the saucy mix off it to then release it with an inaudible pop.

"You okay?" Big, round bunny eyes stared at him innocently.

"Yeah..." He tore his eyes away from you. Cause he knew that if he kept staring, he'd just throw you over his shoulder and take you to the bedroom where he'd make a trembling mess out of you. Tiredness slowly abandoned his body.

How could such mundane thing had turned his gears this way was beyond him.

"So good" You mumbled at the taste of the sauce he had done. His cock twitched almost involuntarily. Oh how he remembered the other intonations of such phrase, specially when he buried himself deep enough in your tight and moist walls.

"Miguel?"

His hands slicked his hair back, trying to placate his thoughts.

"Si?"

"Do you want more?"

He'd always want more, that wasn't even a question. Would it be too selfish to just rip your clothes off and bend you over the kitchen and raw you silly until your legs gave out?

Focus

But how could he when you were slurping the sausage off? Was it intentional? No. You were just hungry and he was definitely being dirty minded.

"You sure?"

"I'm fine, amor."

Lies. He wasn't fine and his cock certainly wasn't fine either, as it grew painfully tight in his sweatpants.

"Oh, you have something in your lips"

You'd dab away the sauce off him, to then lick it off.

Dios mío...

He stood gently to then pry the dishes away from your hands and threw you over his shoulder. It had been the last straw

"M-Miguel!" You giggled as he marched towards the bedroom. Exhaustion abandoning him completely.

Yeah, he'd be always hungry for something more.

[what-even-is-thiss]

european here (genuinely curious): in reference to your “american home-cooked food isn’t just fast food, it’s a lot like french/italian food” post, could you give some examples? I don’t know what foods are american home staples, but your post piqued my interest

Well stews and soups for one. When I read recipes for stuff like beef bourguignon it’s quite familiar to me. Less wine perhaps but the principles of the dish are similar.

Italian-American food often also makes for easy quick food on weeknights. Pasta is something that can be just as easy or complicated as you want. You can make it from scratch at every step or just make sauce from canned ingredients and boxed pasta. Tomato paste, flour, pasta, and dried herbs are staples in most kitchens. Pretty much every household has their own way of making pasta sauces.

Roasts are popular during the winter. Both roasted veggies and roasted meat. Potatoes are popular year round but in the summer things like potato salad or fries or bagged chips are more common than stewed, mashed, or boiled potatoes.

Americans commonly cook with butter and olive oil, though canola oil is cheaper. In recent years though there’s been health questions about canola oil and some people only use it for deep frying now.

French cream sauces are pretty similar to American white gravy which we make with cream instead of milk. We do also make white sauce too and will put it on most things. I find it especially good on pizza instead of red sauce. A lot of people also put it on pasta or vegetables.

A lot of the way we eat potatoes is pretty similar to some French dishes. What we call scalloped potatoes is very similar to a French dish called potatoes au gratin. Not identical, but extremely similar.

Stuff like French onion soup and duck a l’orange is also decently popular here even if not everyday food and are things you’d more commonly make yourself than buy from a restaraunt.

French style breads and pastries are also quite popular here. Baguettes are common things to cut up to eat with dip. Croissants with coffee are common things to eat for a small breakfast or an afternoon snack. French style breads both sweet and not are also common breads used for sandwiches. Italian style coffee is also more and more popular these days but that wasn’t true until relatively recently.

A lot of similarities really lie in the ingredients we use. We often cook things in butter for example. Or add flour to stews to thicken them. Or add milk to things. Or use wine to deglaze pans for the flavor.

A lot of home cooking in the US is affected by other immigrant populations. Tacos or curry are staples in my diet for example. But when you get down to more traditional comfort food it’s potatoes, cream sauces, stews, herbs, roasts, and pasta. Stuff that’s not identical to French or Italian cooking but is very heavily influenced by it.

TLDR: It’s butter!

[germhammy]

“Dorm room picnic”

Yoko: hey, Enid! You joining us for dinner?

Divina: it’s beef slop night at the cafeteria

Enid: ugh no thanks. After the beef stew I had on Outreach Day? Besides, Wednesday said to come to the room for dinner.

Yoko: wait? You had beef stew? Where? We just got sandwiches.

Enid: oh. I went to the actors lunch area with Bianca, Wednesday and Candace

Yoko: Candace? Who’s Candace?

Enid: she’s the actor who plays Goody

Enid’s text tone for Wednesday goes off. It’s a raven call

Enid. Are you on your way?

Yes! Just chatting with Yoks and Div.

Enid: I gotta go! Wednesday is waiting

Arriving at the room she shares with Wednesday she noticed a black gingham blanket in the middle of the room with a nice place setting for two. Two lit black candles in the center on either side of a small black frosted cake with a pink heart in the middle. Wednesday was outside. She appeared to be cooking

After a few moments Wednesday came back into the room with sautéed vegetables and two steaks. She neatly placed them on the plates. She kissed Enid on the cheek as she walked to the mini fridge.

Enid: OMG! You made us steak? This smells so good!!

Wednesday: -bringing over two small salads, ranch dressing for Enid and Italian for herself, a grape soda for Enid and lime soda for herself- extra rare. Just the way you like it.

Enid: this is so romantic, Wednesday.

Wednesday: it is? I just made us dinner

Enid: -she smiled at her girlfriend- yes. Thank you

Thing walked up pulling a small wagon with a speaker and an iPod. He turned on the speaker and turned on the iPod selecting a playlist Enid noticed was titled Enid&Wednesday. It was a mix of classical music Wednesday likes to play, Enid’s favorite K-Pop, 80’s new wave and ABBA

With dinner finished, Thing brought over two plates and Wednesday sliced the cake. It was pink

Enid: strawberry? I love strawberry cake

Wednesday: I know. And real strawberry. No artificial colors so I can eat it too.

As they ate their cake, the little door of their window opened

Enid: ARGH! Those parts for the locks can’t come soon enough

Xavier: what’s going on here?

Wednesday: -death glaring the intruder- you are interrupting our date. And you are not supposed to be here in Ophelia Hall. A girls only dorm

Xavier: oh come on, Wednesday. Silly rules can’t stand in the way of true love. Grocery store steaks cooked on the balcony on a makeshift grill? Come on! I’ll treat you to real food. Nice steaks at the steakhouse in Jericho!

Enid: first of all? The steaks were delicious. Wednesday cooked mine just perfectly. I don’t care is she bought them from the grocery in Jericho! The fact of the matter is she bought them. She cooked them for us! She made salad and sautéed side veggies and bought a cake.

Xavier: Wednesday did this? Ha! Wednesday is better than that.

Wednesday: I am better than what? I can gut a deer I have hunted and killed. Skin it and treat the hide for use later. Drain the carcass of blood for cooking and other uses. Debone it and properly butcher the meat. Process the bones for other uses in stocks, potions, charms, and crafts. Of course I can cook my own food. I do not have the means to prepare wild game here at Nevermore so my other choice is to go to the grocery store.

Xavier: why would you even want to do that?

Wednesday: because it’s a skill my father taught me. I don’t know what kind of a person you think I am, Xavier. But like I said to you at Pilgrim World. I am not your dream girl. If you can’t handle me cooking food for someone I care about?

Xavier: you’ve never cooked food for me!

Wednesday: because I do not care about you?

Just then the door to their dorm room opened. It was Ms Strode.

Ms Strode: Mr Thorpe! In the girls dorm again?

Xavier: Wednesday invited me for dinner!

Ms Strode: I see two plates. Two people sitting down enjoying cake. One person standing.

Wednesday noticed Thing by Enid’s desk with her iPod

Thing: I took the liberty to text Ms Strode

Thank you, Thing -Wednesday signed

Ms Strode had been texting someone.

Ms Strode: that cake looks delicious. May I have a piece? Did you get that in Jericho? I haven’t had the opportunity to fully explore the town.

Enid: it is! Right, Wednesday? From Joan’s right?

Wednesday: yes -slicing a piece for their dorm mother- here you go. Placing it on a paper plate and giving her a plastic fork from Enid’s stash

Xavier: aren’t you going to offer me a piece of cake?

Wednesday: No

Mr Myers entered the room. He was holding an electronic collar.

Mr Myers: I wish it did not have to come to this. - he responded placing the collar around Xavier’s neck.-

Xavier: what the hell? I’m not a dog! -pointing to Enid- she’s the dog!

Mr Myers: monitoring collar. Think of it was an ankle monitor. Tracks your movements. Placed around the neck easier to be seen by those monitoring. Do not try an tamper with it. Forbidden places are programmed into it. You will receive a stun shock if you enter such places. Like this -turns on collar-

Xavier starts screaming. Mr Myers turns off collar.

Mr Myers: the longer you stay in the vicinity the stronger the shock becomes. It has the capability of being charged kineticly and by solar power. Tampering with any of the charging functions sends an alert to the monitor. Return to your dorm room at once Mr Thorpe. The collar will be turned on once I return for lights out check

Enid: thank you.

Mr Myers: please report any further incidents of Mr Thorpe disrespecting disturbing the two of you to me. I will keep Principal Thropp informed

Ms Strode and Mr Myers left. Enid was confused

Wednesday: Thing texted them from my iPod

Enid: thank you, Thing

Thing gave a thumbs up

Enid: I can’t believe Xavier called me a dog!

Wednesday: -leaning I. And giving Enid a loving kiss- you are my wolf. And a magnificent wolf at that.

[forcedtogrow]

Yoo im also trying to bulk and if you cook I'd love some small portioned high calorie recepies if you've got any

Im already a pretty small guy pre-T and I'm tired of getting the advice "just eat more" because 1. the stomach can't magically expand to accommodate more food after a lifetime of being underfed, 2. smaller stomach + easier likelihood of heartburn = breathing problems and sickness as the acid literally eats away at the esophagus

Before I talk about meals specifically you can’t underestimate the power of constant grazing and eating something, no matter how small, every 2 hours. You can expand stomach capacity over time *slowly* by doing this and is the preferred method of body builders to eat 5 smaller meals a day for similar reasons of stomach capacity.

Fat and condiments are your best friend, no matter what you eat you can add fat or a condiment. Breakfast: loaded oatmeal, 1/2c old fashioned oats soaked in whole milk overnight, handful of berries, as much peanut butter as you can stand, some sort of seeds or whole nut like flaxseed or walnuts, and chocolate chips. This can easily get up to 700-1000 calories if you add enough extras or up the amount of oats.

Lunch: sandwich with all the highest calorie options available, Italian and cured lunch meats, cheese, oil, mayo, on a heavy whole grain bread. Eat chips and a protein bar with this.

Homemade burritos with lots of cheese, sauce, salsa, high carb wraps, and whatever else you can think to add is also a great option. Easily 1000+ calories for each meal.

Snacks: protein bars, pop tarts, full fat greek yogurt, muffins, plain cereal, nuts, bananas, bagels with cream cheese, cheese

Dinner: Thai-style peanut noodles with sesame oil and chicken. Anything with lots of pasta, rice, oil, bread. Basically whatever people say you shouldn’t eat you should eat double of that. Chili mac and cheese, cornbread with butter, a side of fried eggs. Avoid eating baked or roasted potatoes and things like that because they are too filling. Loaded burgers and fries are a good simple option.

You can add a simple protein shake of whole milk and 2 scoops of protein powder right before bed if you want to slam calories in.

I don’t recommend fast food all the time, but a once a week feast of all your favorite things from a place of your choosing can help add up calories. Good luck!

[remembertoeat]

Lunch or Dinner Recipe: Italian Subs

TIME: ★★★★

PRICE: ★★★✰

EASE: ★★★★

CLEANUP: ★★★★

Sometimes I just get this FEROCIOUS hankering for Italian subs. Like, it's all I think about all day. Then I was like "...wait, I can MAKE this!" So I started adding them to my regular dinner rotation. No regrets. This is a SUPER easy and satisfying sandwich to make. The deli meat I get for it can get a little pricey because I like to feel fancy when I make subs, but use your preferred toppings! It easily takes 10 minutes or less to put together! Obviously leave out the things you don't want. Add what you do want. Adjust as needed for taste!

Ingredients: 1. Sub bread of choice. (I like sourdough, Italian, and French loaves, but it could be regular sliced bread if you want, I'm not your mom.) 2. Sliced deli ham and sliced deli salami (genoa is more "genuine," but it's your sammie.) 3. Any other meats you want, IF you wanna add more (mortadella, prosciutto, sopressata, pepperoni, whatevs. But honestly, just the ham and salami is fine!) 4. Vegetables! Onion, iceberg lettuce, tomato, and pepperoncinis (if you don't like onion/peppers/etc, just leave it out!) 5. Cheese. I use provolone. (I tried mozzarella, but it ended up being WAY too much for me.) 6. Italian Dressing 7. Mayo, parsley, olives, red pepper flakes (all optional) -Slice your bread in half if you need to. -Spread your condiments on to taste (I'd probably also drizzle your Italian dressing on at this point too to keep it from dripping off the other toppings) -Layer your meats! I like gently folding the slices in half to give it more bulk. It might sound silly, but it adds a lot! -Cheese goes here -Top with your veg!

Boom! I tend to prefer my Italian subs cold, but if you choose to toast your sub, just do it with the meat and cheese on the bread. Add your toppings later!

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam. I have a rump roast I want to use and it's apparently very popular for French Dips, Italian Beef sandwiches, and roast beef deli meat. You've made a version of Italian Beef before as and have posted pictures of it plus a general method of what you did. Do you have a specific recipe you use? (I mostly need it for measurements. I've made BBQ briskets and Mississippi Roast enough to wing it, but it's~ 4lb of beef and I don't want to mess it up.)

Thanks!

The recipes I've found online for italian beef are pretty vague, I'll be honest, so I've developed something closer to a widely-applicable technique, because really you're just doing a steam-braise that also creates a jus. So, my advice for cooking about four pounds of rump roast for sandwiches is as follows, a lot of it may be review for you :D

Trim the roast to a thickness that you'd be comfortable slicing, and a width and length that will fit in your slow cooker. I also trim off large chunks of fat. I usually do three pounds of beef, cut into 1lb segments that are roughly 1" thick, piled atop one another.

Use enough beef broth to cover the bottom of the slow cooker. I use 3 cups in an instant pot slow cooker, which is tall and narrow. You probably don't need more for 4lbs, just make sure it covers the bottom of the pot decently. If you don't have beef broth, chicken broth will work, or even water in a pinch; the beef will drain a lot of fat/flavor into it regardless. You can boil trimmings to get a decent broth, though that takes time. At this point I just have a "mother broth" of leftover jus that I use for the next batch, I just add some water or beef broth each time to make up 3 cups.

Put some kind of rack or platform on the bottom of the slow cooker. It doesn't have to raise the beef much, just keep it mostly out of the liquid.

Season the beef as you like (I use a steak seasoning blend). Place the liquid in the pot first, then layer the beef into the slow cooker on top of the rack or dish. It can touch the liquid, that's fine, just shouldn't fully immerse in it.

Slow cook on high for 3-4 hours or until the beef is fully cooked through. If you take the temperature it should be at least 145F, and should not be pink at all in the middle. Remove and let cool; refrigerate before slicing. And that's it really, no special trick.

For jus, boil the liquid left in the slow cooker for minimum five minutes at a full boil. After boiling, strain it, cool it, and store it. It should still be somewhat cloudy, that's flavor baby!

I slice the meat very thin and of course across the grain to keep it tender, but you can slice it any thickness you like. Once sliced, I store the meat packed in jars and covered in jus; it freezes well (just don't tighten the jar lid until it's frozen) and reheats best when heated in liquid (I microwave, but it heats as well, just slower, in a pan on the stove top). Then just pull the beef out of the liquid, toss it on a crusty roll, and dip the roll in the liquid for extra flavor if desired. Or eat it cold, it's good that way too.

For the best possible italian beef, I've found that it's ideal to take the roll, stuff it with warm-to-hot beef, dip it thoroughly in the jus (doesn't have to be hot), wrap it in lightly greased foil, and bake in a toaster oven at 450 for about 5 minutes. I've been experimenting with mine and have enjoyed adding a variety of cheeses before baking, and I've also found a sliced hard-boiled egg a nice addition.

[sendpseuds]

The people must know: What are your favorite sandwiches???

Ah, sandwiches. What a magical food.

Since you graced us all with a whole dissertation I feel like I owe you the same level of detail, let’s see what we can do here.

While I am not actually vegetarian, I LOVE a veggie sandwich. One of my all time favorites to make at home is seeded rye with hummus on one side and homemade herby cream cheese on the other [usually parsley, green onion, mint, dill, and fresh garlic. Also sometimes this is chèvre instead of cream cheese]. Between the bread we have sliced cucumbers [seasoned with salt, pepper, and lemon juice], big slices of tomato, and arugula [sprouts if I can get my hands on them]. This whole ordeal is fabulous with turkey or bacon if you want more protein, I’ve also done smashed chickpeas in place of the hummus for a heartier option.

Another veggie sandwich I love is from a local bakery and if I knew exactly how they made it I would tell you, but it’s fresh crusty sourdough liberally coated in amazing olive oil, with this incredible carrot purée, thinly sliced fennel, Calabrian chilis, and arugula. So fucking good.

Okay, let’s talk about something less “healthy”

If you’ve ever been to Buffalo, New York [Go Bills] there are TWO sandwiches that I think about all the time.

The first is pretty ubiquitous through western New York: Beef on Weck. This is roast beef, dipped in hot jus, and piled on a kimmelweck roll [basically a Kaiser roll with crunchy sea salt and caraway seeds]. That’s it. Personally, I like to add an almost unadvisable amount of horseradish, but that’s it. It’s perfect.

The second is a true drunken indulgence. The Stinger Hoagie from Jim’s Steakout. If you are unfamiliar with Jim’s, most locations are open until 5am [bars in Buffalo close at 4am. A real drinking town] and the employees can often be seen wearing shirts that say “I see drunk people.” The Stinger Hoagie is their beautiful monster. Cheesesteak meets chicken finger sub. Shaved steak, chicken fingers, fried onions, melted American cheese, lettuce, tomato, Frank’s Red Hot, and Jim’s special sauce. [I am fucking drooling right now, I haven’t had one of these since I was in my twenties.]

When it comes to deli meat, I tend to lean toward turkey, but I want some really soft seeded multigrain bread with crispy Romain and good tomatoes. Thick slices of sharp sharp cheddar, mayonnaise, and Nance’s Sharp and Creamy mustard. I might toss in some cucumber or parsley, maybe apples and bacon if I’m feeling extra, but the specific mustard is very important.

[this isn’t really a sandwich but I’ll often take a big rib of Romaine lettuce and make a little deli boat with turkey, cheese, and Mayo. I’m sure I can blame that on high school, my mother, and all the lovely disordered eating habits I developed as a teen]

Grilled cheese… I’m sort of all over the place with grilled cheese, always experimenting, but for me, the most important thing is using GRATED CHEESE [and to be clear, I mean block cheese that you grate at home, not the pre-grated stuff in the bag, please, this is important, that shit doesn’t melt right] I want the cheese pouring over the sides of the bread, hitting the pan, oozing and bubbling until it’s gold and crispy and perfect.

I’ll give you one fancy grilled cheese: deviled egg grilled cheese. Two hard boiled eggs, whites sliced thin, yolks mixed with mayo, mustard, pepper, paprika, dill. Into the pan goes bread, cheese mixture [gruyere and cheddar, shredded and mixed with a little Mayo and mustard], yolk mixture, sliced whites, more cheese mixture, bread. Done.

This is getting out of control and I haven’t talked about chopped italian sandwiches, or banh mi, or my mom’s famous roast beef and mock Boursin sandwiches, or my obsession with Calabrian chilis [oh! Add those to the mayo on a turkey sandwich], or the time I put an entire meatloaf on an entire loaf of bread and called it a sandwich.

I haven’t even TOUCHED on breakfast sandwiches but if I get into that we’ll be here forever.

So, for now, I’ll cap it there, but there’s plenty of room for a sequel.

Hope that answers your question!

[ciaossu-imagines]

Verde is a fav to hear headcanons for! If he's not preparing it, what do you think is his favorite meal? If he's the one having to prepare it, what is his favorite meal? Do you have any headcanons for foods he absolutely hates? This has always been such a lovely blog. ^.^ I'm glad to see you're still around.

Okay, so I know this ask literally just came in and there are older requests waiting to be answered but I just could not wait to answer this, sorry to those waiting on replies. It's just...my god, not only do I absolutely adore Verde and writing for him, but I just finished reading your tags on the reblog and I swear, if not for the fact my boss is a woman, I would almost swear we worked for the same person, haha! But you nailed it as I see Verde's space a lot like that as well! I hope you'll enjoy these headcanons as well, dear!

So, going a bit out of order here but there are definitely a wide variety of foods that Verde hates. I really do see him as almost a picky eater, but not quite, if that makes any sense? Like, he's picky but not so much so that people would scold him for it.

I think a lot of his hated foods are either really strong flavours or smells or texture issues. I definitely think that he is one of those people who really are affected by the texture and smell of food just as much as the actual flavours.

He really likes olives, but only fresh ones. You pickle them or put them in a can and it almost makes him want to cry over a waste of good food. There's just an off taste to them that way, a kind of metallic afterbite that is so unpleasant to him. In fact, anything pickled isn't something he generally likes and will eat only occasionally as the strong vinegary taste is hard for him to handle and honestly, it gives him the hot burps and heartburn if he eats more than one or two pickles.

If he's lucky enough to not have to scrounge up food for himself and someone else is making it, it will really depend on if he has the time to sit and eat the meal or will be eating it while he works. Like I mentioned, if he's working while eating, it has to be something he can eat with one hand. In that case, if the shop he prefers is open, it's a panini made with Italian panini bread, a little pesto mixed with mayo, lots of chicken, some thin slivers of roasted red pepper and so much mozzarella cheese, maybe some tomatoes. It's something that tastes good even if it's lukewarm or cold when he gets around to eating it.

If he's actually got the time or opportunity to sit down for a meal, he really likes French cooking, with beef bourguignon being a favourite of his. He typically only orders it while out to a meal with other scientists he's interested in working with, since it's a bit of a luxury.

Now, while he has picky and expensive tastes in foods, his fridge and kitchen...it's pretty damn bare. He makes a lot of sandwiches, heavy on the meat and normally with mozzarella or Havarti cheese and a good dose of mayo. He is picky about his bread though - no fucking Wonder Bread. That's sugary as anything to him. He prefers a good crusty Italian loaf or a French baguette. If he really wants something warm, and as junky as he knows they are, he tends to keep precooked, frozen, microwavable burgers on hand. Throw in a handful of carrot sticks or celery sticks and it covers all the bases.

[motherhenna]

Some recipe suggestions/tips from someone who hates cooking, doing dishes, and dealing with produce:

Ingredients I get in bulk/always have on hand:

corn tortillas (get the giant bag of them and stick it in the freezer, they make great snacks on their own, and you can put mish mash in there and call it a taco!)

Pasta/Lentils/Rice

Tomato sauce and paste

Canned/frozen veggies (I like beans, corn, potatos, and peas especially but to each their own. Chickpeas are usually pretty good too.)

canned refried beans

Ground meat (I buy in 1lb increments and stick in freezer for easy protein)

frozen chopped onions

diced garlic in water

spices (Garlic and onion powder, cumin, curry powder, paprika, cayenne, oregano, basil, rosemary, bouillon, etc)

condiments (soy sauce, sweet n sour sauce, mustard/ketchup, honey, peanut butter, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, etc)

Recipes:

Samosa filling

Boil potatos or heat up canned ones until hot and soft. Microwave frozen peas, corn, carrots (or whatever veggies u like) until not frozen, or used canned. Put some fennel seeds into a pan for a little while until toasty, then add some oil/ghee and dump in your veggies/taters, plus some onions and garlic. Mush with a spatula and add curry powder/cumin/paprika or other savory spice mix to taste and cook until it smells/tastes good. Put in a tortilla/pita with some sweet n sour sauce if u want.

Lentil/Chickpea mishmash

Boil lentils until soft and the skins are kinda peeling, drain. Add to pan w canned chickpeas. Add some broth or water, just enough not to burn. Add savory spices, stir until chickpeas are softened. Optional: Cook garlic/diced onions in pan before adding lentils and chickpeas.

Soup

In a pot, cook some ground meat until browned, add some italian/savory spices. Dump in canned veggies, if using frozen then microwave first so it doesnt mess w cooking time too much. Season to taste. Add broth or water and buillon until desired soup consistency. Bring to a boil, then add short pasta noodles (like bowtie or fusili). Cook until pasta is almost done, then turn heat down and simmer and add spices until it tastes/smells good. You can freeze portions for later too.

Homemade pasta sauce

Storebought is expensive so: diced onions in a pan until soft. Add garlic, then tomato sauce (enough to coat amount of pasta u want). Add some tomato paste and italian seasonings (oregano, basil), then cook until it doesn't taste like raw tomato. Salt to taste. (Optional: cook ground meat until browned with the onions. if cooking from frozen wait to add the onions until meat is halfway cooked.) Boil ur pasta, then drain mostly (leave a little water) and pour pasta into the pan ur cooking the sauce in. stir to coat pasta.

Smashed cucumber salad

look up a recipe, there's a thousand out there, but usually i just cut up persian cucumbers, pour some vinegar/soy sauce/sesame seeds/chili flakes on there and boom

Peanut cucumber salad

Peel and slice american cucumbers, put in bowl with a lid. Add halved cherry tomatoes and peanuts. Add balsamic vinegar, olive oil, peanut butter/peanut sauce. put lid on, shake vigorously. If u dont have lid, then combine sauce ingredients separately and whisk to emulsify before adding to salad.

Also quick and great: Bean and cheese burritos, peanut butter sandwiches, eggs, caprese salad.

Thanks so much! There's definitely a couple in here I could fuck with, and yeah having more canned stuff sounds like a good idea. Not as good as fresh obviously but better than fast food right? Also, truly wish I could eat refried beans without shitting myself to death afterwards lmao that and chalula or tapatillo is why almost every mexican dish makes my intestines radioactive

[fortressofserenity]

The Prodigal Daughter

This story references both the Prodigy, where the late Keith Flint (the Italian word for flint is selce) spent time in Egypt before returning to Braintree, and Dalida whose real name is Iolanda Cristina Gigliotti, who was born in Cairo herself.

Iolanda Selce was often goaded by her father, Edoardo, into supporting and working for his leather making business. She’d acquiesce to this by ordering any sort of leather from sellers such as deer leather, elk leather and cattle leather, turning them into a variety of items like bags, shoes and belts. But she also prefers to make and sell her own items, often handmade and plant-based. For awhile, she didn’t get along with her dad over something.

‘But Dad, I want to sell dresses.’

‘You could always make leather dresses.’

‘No! I want to make and sell cotton dresses!’

‘Why not?’

‘F--- you!’

She packed her belongings, including her fabrics, patterns and sewing materials, with her to Egypt and stayed there for a few years. Learning Arabic along the way and then quickly adapting to the Egyptian market, she developed a habit out of making and selling more modest garments. Abayas, qabas, shintiyans, galabiya bi sufras, telli dresses and caftans, you name it and she’s done those as often as before. Lately, she’s creating a pattern on paper, then cutting it out before layering it over a 90 cm cotton fabric. She starts outlining the pattern with tailor’s chalk, before cutting it out and sewing it by hand herself.

Using multiple needles on the same garment, she sews it as fast as she can. Using a variety of threads to get the job done as quickly as possible, she picks out a 100 m thread and a 1000 m thread together, cutting the threads and then inserting them into her needles. Needing to take a break from all that sewing, she makes herself a sandwich using rumi cheese and then slicing an eish fino bread almost in half just to insert the cheese and meat with. She then slices it into several pieces to share it with her adoptive family, including her adoptive mother Basma.

‘Do you want one, Basma?’

‘Sure I do, Iolanda.’

Then she gives it to her and she eats it.

‘Thanks!’

‘You’re welcome.’

She makes mint tea both for herself and Basma, talking about her home country.

‘What’s like in Italy, Iolanda?’

‘To be honest, I left it because I don’t want to make something with leather anymore. My dad kept on making me do it, but I’d rather make something out of cotton instead.’

‘You do leathermaking?’

‘I used to do it because my dad does it. He used to pay me in the thousands for it, he’s got a decent leathermaking business.’

‘Why don’t you help him with it?’

‘I do, but I want to sell the stuff I make.’

‘Don’t be so disrespectful to your father.’

‘But I want to do the things I want to do, especially for myself and myself alone.’

‘You should help him out.’

‘I did, but I don’t think he respects my decision to sell what I want to sell and it’s selling clothes based on cotton and linen. The plant-based fibres.’

‘Okay, you really want to make and sell the things you wanted to do.’

‘Precisely.’

After eating, drinking and chatting with Basma, Iolanda returns to sewing. She gets the folded garment out from the treasure box and resumes sewing it, as soon as she unravels a string a cat wants to play with it but she removes it from the room leaving it with Basma instead. There she sews uninterrupted, in fact she spends hours solely sewing it herself. After finishing the dress, she moves onto one of the sleeves finishing it as quickly as she can. As soon as dinner arrives, she cuts out the thread and needle, putting both of them in her metal box and then folding the garment (including the other sleeve), placing it in a treasure box and after doing this, she eats with Basma again.

Basma puts out the shashouka for them together, taking turns getting from it until there’s no more. Basma then gets two pieces of pita bread, puts falafel balls into both of them and gives each to herself and Iolanda. Then both of them eat, whilst everybody drinks water. Basma then gives some meat to the cat to eat, and leftovers to their dog outside. Once everybody’s finished with dinner, Basma and Iolanda go to the bedroom together. Basma sleeps on one bed, Iolanda on the other. The following morning, Iolanda wakes up and turns on the lamp, opens her stuff from both boxes and resumes sewing. She cuts and sews the other sleeve, finishing it as quickly as she can before Basma wakes up.

Once Basma wakes up, Iolanda has already finished it. She takes a look at it and is marvelled by it.

‘That’s a nice looking dress, may I have it?’

‘I feel…mixed feelings about it.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m planning on selling it to someone else.’

‘You may sell it to me instead.’

‘Well.’

Iolanda eventually sells the dress to her for 200 pounds, thus getting as much as she can and puts the money in her wallet. But later on this morning, she receives a message on her phone. It’s something from none other than her own dad.

‘Iolanda, it’s me. I want you back in Italy.’

Then she starts typing.

‘You want me back in Italy? Why, Dad?’

‘Sorry for not letting you sell the clothes you wanted to make, I’ve changed my mind.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m selling items based on plant-based leather these days.’

‘Really, Dad?’

‘Yes, customers want more plant-based items. You’re free to make and sell cotton garments.’

‘I don’t know what to say.’

‘Please come back, Iolanda.’

‘Okay.’

Iolanda starts packing all her belongings, she goes planning on returning to Italy to be reunited with her father in four years. Seeing that Iolanda is leaving, Basma goes near her, looking teary-eyed she comforts her.

‘Please don’t leave me.’

‘But my father’s telling me to go back to Italy, he’s changed his mind and he’s selling plant-based items this time.’

‘I’m going to miss you, so when are you going to return to Egypt?’

‘I won’t leave you, Basma. I’ll go back to Egypt, so don’t cry.’

She wipes the tears off her eyes as she pats her on the back. Then the two hug each other.

‘I’m going to miss you.’

‘It’s okay, I’ll come back to Egypt. I promise I will.’

‘I don’t feel good losing you.’

‘I’ll always be there for you.’

Eventually Basma stops crying as soon as Iolanda heads for the airport, bringing along her passport with her. Once she goes there, she shows her passport and then pays for the ride. She takes a seat, listening to music once the plane takes flight. Going from Cairo to Florence, she meets her father again.

‘Iolanda, it’s good to have you back.’

‘There’s someone in Egypt who misses me and she’s Basma.’

‘Who is she?’

‘She’s one of my friends and my host mother. I stayed there for four years straight.’

‘Four years? That’s a long time.’

‘I kind of overstayed my welcome there.’

‘Welcome back then.’

The two reunite and then head to their house together, there Iolanda is free to make cotton dresses. But her father reminds her of something.

‘Iolanda, I don’t think Italians are into those sorts of dresses.’

‘But that’s what I did in Egypt.’

‘The average Italian isn’t Muslim.’

‘I could always sell it to Muslims here.’

She did like what she told him she would, but she also learnt to observe fashion trends in Italy again in years. So the day after selling those dresses to Muslims, she’d sew clothes for non-Muslims based on what’s hip and current in Tuscany. After living in Egypt for four years, Iolanda got weirded out by the multitude of scantily-clad Italians that she had to make the outfits skimpier to sell it to them. But Edoardo’s glad to have her back and Iolanda’s willing to make items based on cactus and fruit peel leather this time.

[phas3d]

Can you do slytherin boys with a reader who’s a terrible cook like really bad and she cooks for them

Bad Cook || Slytherin Boys

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: food, vomit mentions

contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo

notes :: i also cant cook for shit even though ive taken a culinary class LMAOOO - 🐍 :: masterlist!

DRACO MALFOY

Acts as if he's not shocked when you surprise him with a homemade lunch

But in reality, he's so honored to know that you care enough about him to make him a whole meal

Starts to brag to other people around him, like "Yeah, my partner just made me lunch no big deal"

He takes a bite out of it and starts to slowly chew it...

Too much salt, not mixed properly, chicken was slightly pink, jesus christ even the fucking bento box you put it in was slightly melted

Draco has no clue how the fuck you messed up his lunch so awfully but he has to thug it out

His entire group is watching him risk getting salmonella just for you so he doesn't have to admit that your cooking is bad

After he finishes it all,,, he throws up

Instantly he signs you up for cooking lessons

But when you get offended by this and even start to tear up, his soft spot opens up

So then he offers to join in for the cooking lessons and you're instantly happier by that

TOM RIDDLE

When you first made him food, he was slightly shocked that you’d make him anytbing

He was super weary of it at first, he refused to let his guard down for anything

Deeply inspects the food at first, like INSANELY

Pulls out a microscope and investigates each and every cell of it

He even makes Mattheo try it first just in case there’s a secret spell that he can’t see

(Mattheo doesn’t even realize Tom’s bad intentions, he just views it as free food 😭)

But once he realizes it’s fully safe and that he shouldn’t doubt you so much, he tries it

And oh…

Surprisingly, he’ll take it like a champ and swallow it

And he’ll even eat MORE of it???

Because he’s used to super shit food

He grew up in an orphanage before he found out he was Voldemorts son, so he’s used to it

If anything, he kinda likes the nostalgia it brings back for him

But, once he finished and you ask for a review: he’s honest that it tastes like shit

But that he doesn’t care :”)

Will cook with you next time and give you tips on how to be better

Because he’s actually a really good cook himself

He learned how to cook because the elves weren’t making food up to his standard LOL

Now cooking together is a nightly-ritual for you too

MATTHEO RIDDLE

Mattheo was in an orphanage with his brother for most of his life, so he's used to shit food

When he takes a bite of your burnt, expired, and disgusting sandwich, he doesn't flinch

He finishes it all and even licks his fingers

Not cause it was good but because he was hungry

But you assume he must have really liked it

So you offer to make sandwiches for his Quidditch teammates

Tells you "No" very bluntly which hurts your feelings

He feels bad instantly so he tries to make excuses

He lies and says his entire team is gluten free and uhhhh allergic to bread and wheat!!!

You believe this, thankfully, and decide to not make sandwiches

Phewwww

THEODORE NOTT

Theo is a natural born cook thanks to his mom

Makes the best Italian and European food ever

So when you decided to take over cooking for one day, he was shocked but allowed you to

Didn’t want to bother you, but he would watch you cook

The entire time he’s watching you, he’s cringing…

You snapped the pasta in half…

You spilled half of the tomato sauce…

The meat was barely marinated and seasoned…

Starts to plan a way to save the food because he knows it going to be shit already

So he comes into the kitchen to “kiss you”

He’s not lying, he does kiss you

BUT he’s also secretly sneaking in seasoning and garnish

Starts to “hug you” because he misses you so much!!!! But in reality he’s gonna gag looking at your monstrous spaghetti…

When you serve it, you’re surprised to see that it was actually decent!!! Normally it would be green,,,, somehow….

Theo is shocked when you say that… cause how tf did you do that

But he’s still disgusted by the spaghetti but he won’t admit it

Lies and eats a small bit before using magic to make it disappear

(He sent it to Lorenzo’s room, making it accidentally land all over his )

Will insist that HE should be in charge of cooking from then on and says it's because you desrve princess treatment

He's not lying,,, but he's just telling a little white lie

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

You made him a fresh batch of cookies just for him and he was so honored!!!

He was always spoiled by the Malfoy family so he's slightly used to gifts, but he's never been cocky about it

Once he took a bite, he instantly stopped chewing and started to cough

But he choked it down and smiled at you

He didn't want to hurt your feeling and he distracted you

The second you were busy, he threw it all away and acted like he loved it

Then he tries to bring up the idea of cooking classes together as a fun date

He's not lying though, it was a fun date

And you do learn a lot!

So when you bake him another batch of cookies, he's excited to see if you improved

But once again, he takes a bite and instantly hit with an overwhelming amount of unmixed flour in his mouth

He smiles but is so lost on how you managed to fuck it up again

But he's set on making you a better chef for the safety of not only himself but also yourself

So he plans an at-home cooking date and he watches you fuck up constantly

He's very quick to fix it and tell you how to do better

He words himself perfectly to not hurt your feelings yet still teach you

Very sweet about it and nice :)

thank you for reading ! 🐍 :: masterlist!

[hootsewers]

To add on to depression cooking / low executive function cooking, here are some more hot tips.

A "real" meal has a protein, a starch, and a vegetable. You can probably skip the starch if you don't want it, they're just easy to make and filling.

One-pound bags of frozen veggies are less than a dollar at Walmart. Get the heat-in-bag ones. Easily two or three meals worth of veggies.

If you have the spoons, once the veggies are nuked, open the bag, pour in a lil olive oil, shake it around, and dump the veggies onto a cookie sheet. Pop em in the oven on the broiler setting for like five to ten minutes.

Any vegetables is good. Roasted vegetables are great. I would recommend against boiling vegetables unless you're making soup. Honestly the list of foods you should boil is pretty short.

The broiler in your oven is compelling evidence that someone is looking out for us. Want bacon but don't wanna fry shit? Cookie sheet under the broiler. Want to eat a shitload of toast? Cookie sheet under the broiler. Accidentally let fries or nuggies get cold? Guess what.

Put tin foil over baking sheets so you won't have to do as many dishes, too.

Seasoning and condiments. Get them. Use them to make "crappy" food feel like nice food. Experiment with weird combinations when you have the spoons to do so.

Considering the above, here are some recs: italian-ish (oregano, rosemary, garlic, tarragon), texmex-ish (garlic, red pepper flakes, chili powder, cumin), spiced sweets (shitload of cinnamon, lil bit of nutmeg, clove, ginger...this one is SO GOOD for oatmeal), dressing-y (balsamic vinegar, garlic powder, olive oil), Instant Soup Improver (soy sauce, hoisin sauce, sriracha sauce)

Dried, non-perishable foods are a lifesaver. Rice, pasta, potatoes. You can also get freeze-dried chipped veggies that are AWESOME to add to ramen noodles. Boullion cubes if you're a Broth Enjoyer. Instant ramen that you can add stuff to.

Chicken nuggets and sandwich meats count as protein. You need protein to live. If nuggies and slammi aren't your cup of tea, get yourself peanuts, dried edaname, cheese, eggs, stuff like that.

If you live near an Asian grocer, go support a local business and get some of those little frozen meatballs; imo the beef tendon ones with the doofy cartoon cow on the shrink wrap are the tastiest. Add three or four of the balls to your boiling ramen water. Once they've thawed, fish 'em out with your chopsticks or a slotted spoon or smth and cut them into quarters, then put them back in with the soup. Easier bites and it feels more balanced.

On the soup train, if you're gonna buy fresh veggies for Soup reasons, get ones that'll last a while in the fridge. Carrots, celery, broccoli. Store them in open bags with a paper towel.

If you buy fresh herbs like cilantro, wash and chop it immediately, freeze the stems (good for soup stock), and spread the leaves onto paper towels. Roll 'em up like makeup brushes, stick em in freezer bags, and leave the bag open when you put it in the fridge. It'll keep like this for WEEKS. I'm the only person in my house who eats cilantro, and this is the only way I can eat all of it before it turns to slime.

Lastly, don't just consider ease of cooking: consider ease of eating and ease of cleanup. It's OK to use disposable items like paper plates and parchment paper. If you are a Big Soup Fan like myself, consider finding some bulk disposable bamboo chopsticks.

Sincerely, your local depressed autistic who is realizing he shouldn't feel shame about finding shortcuts that help make my life easier.

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

[fabioperes]

Aussie Meat in Italian Sandwich! Get ready for a splash-tastic adventure as we explore the sun-soaked wonders of Ondaland Waterpark in Vicolungo, Italy! 🏖️🎢 Join us on a virtual tour of this aquatic paradise, where thrilling water slides, lazy rivers, and wave pools come together to create the ultimate summer escape. Whether you're seeking heart-pounding excitement or a relaxing day under the Italian sun, Ondaland has it all. We'll take you through the highlights, from the adrenaline-pumping slides to the serene corners where you can unwind with friends and family. Discover why Ondaland is a must-visit destination for water enthusiasts of all ages! Hit that subscribe button, pack your swimsuit, and let's dive into the watery delights of Ondaland together! 💧🌴 Not everyone has the privilege to experience an endless summer like we do. So for those that don't, I hope that this video and channel can bring a smile to your face and some warmth back to your skin when summer has slipped away for another year. This channel is your ticket to smiles and summer vibes even when the season has slipped away. 🌞✈️ If it is summer for you now, then I hope it makes you want to get up, go outside, and make the most of what time we have here on this amazing planet. 🌍 Life is an all too brief, beautiful journey, and we're here to nudge you to live it to the fullest. Get out there and visit new places and make new friends. 😊 Push your boundaries, fly off things, have fun with those you love, laugh wholeheartedly, take risks instead of playing safe, make new friends, reconnect with old ones and most of all... never forget....🔥 Life is Too Short. ⌛️ Although I may look like a toned Olympic athlete, actually I am just a normal(ish) woman, with a big smile, a tiny thumb and desire to not do what society says I should do... If I can do some of the things I do, then you have no excuse, so get out there and conquer your world, even if it's your little secret. 🤫🌷 The universe is vast, and our time is limited. So subscribe and join us on a sun-soaked adventure! 👙🍹🌴 Life is too short, so live every moment. 🏄‍♀️ Smile. 😊 Laugh. 😂 And never be afraid to be yourself. ❤️ Milla x -------------------------------------------------------------- Don't forget to show some love by poking my Like button, hitting Subscribe, and turning on notifications (spot checks will be performed if you ever meet me, and non-subscribers will be dealt with accordingly). Stay connected and follow me on the socials for more awesome shiz: 💜 https://ift.tt/BNcrQdJ 💙 https://ift.tt/epOv13E   🖤 https://ift.tt/gq7mpoL   💚 https://ift.tt/p8Fqji6 There is a sign at a waterpark in Germany that I like it says: Welcome 👋 All Sizes All Colours All Cultures All Genders All Ages + Types All People Love Lives Here This is how we feel about the spaces we create. All people are welcome, we do not accept discrimination or judgement on this channel, be polite, be human and remember that...Love Lives Here. ❤️ It's cool reading and replying to your comments. Most of y'all are chill, but let's keep it friendly and respectful since we're dealing with real people here. If not, I might have to set my pack of rabid drop bears on you but before that I'll simply hide your comments from the channel and then you've wasted your own time and mine when all you had to do was be a decent human being!  👻👍 Thanks for tuning in to my videos, you rad maaafks, and actually reading this far into my description*! 👀🥰 *seriously you're still reading?! Comment on this video "I'm a bogan who loves to read stuff" to receive an amusing (subjective) response! 🤣😇 #waterparks #themeparks #waterslides #travel #adventures #thesunnyadventurers via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPrQsvPBOys

[vegi1]

How to Make Vegan Sausage with Chickpeas at Home

I want to teach you a very simple recipe for making homemade vegetable sausage. Our Italian sausage recipe without meat and eggs is very healthy and delicious. The inside is very soft and tasty and the outside is a little crispy.

In addition to the fact that this sausage recipe does not contain any meat, it is gluten-free, dairy-free, low-fat and actually vegan, and if you wish, you can make it without nuts. Meatless sausages can be prepared using soy, tofu, corn or a mixture of cheese and bread, flour and other food ingredients; Therefore, vegetarians and vegans do not have to remove this meal from their list because of their chosen diet.

Vegetable sausage ingredients:

White beans, soaked and rinsed, ½ and 1 cup (270 grams) *

Oatmeal (gluten-free if necessary), 1 cup (90 grams)

Walnut kernels, 1/2 cup (60 grams) *

Medium onion (60 grams), chopped, 1 pc

Chopped garlic, 3 cloves

Chia seed mixture, 3 pieces (3 tablespoons of ground chia seeds + ¼ cup of water)

Tomato paste, 1 tablespoon

Soy sauce, ½ tablespoon

Onion powder, 2 teaspoons

Smoked spice, 2 teaspoons (or smoke essence)

Italian seasoning, 1 teaspoon (combination of basil powder, oregano, rosemary, sage, thyme)

Sea salt, ¾ tsp

Ground cumin, ½ tsp

Pepper, a fingertip

Black pepper, required amount

How to prepare vegetarian sausage:

In a small bowl, mix the ground chia seeds with ¼ cup of water and set the mixture aside. After 5 minutes, it will thicken.

In the meantime, rinse the cooked white beans and let them dry completely.

Grind the oats and walnuts in a food processor or blender (it should have some texture, it should not be too fine and powdery).

Add the rest of the ingredients to the food processor or mixer and mix again.

Take some of the ingredients and shape them into a sausage shape with your hands (if it is too sticky, add some oat flour.)

Wrap the shaped sausages in greaseproof paper and put them in a wide plate in the freezer for 20 minutes to set.

Wrap each sausage rolled in parchment paper in foil and wrap the top and bottom in chocolate.

Then steam them for 35 minutes. See the photos step by step. (Don't throw away the foils and use them for the next time.)

You can serve immediately or fry in a pan or grill.

Preheat the pan, brush a small amount of oil on each sausage.

Fry it on all sides for 7 to 10 minutes.

Our vegetarian sausage is ready. You can serve it as a hot dog sandwich or a sausage grill. Don't forget mustard sauce or barbecue sauce. It makes it very tasty!

Do not forget

Beans: You can use canned beans that are already cooked or cook the beans until they are soft.

Walnuts: You can use any nuts or seeds like sunflower seeds.

Chia seed or flaxseed mix: (3 tablespoons of ground flaxseed with 1/4 cup of water) can also be good, but you'll probably need to add a little more oatmeal because chia seeds absorb more water.

Oats: You can use buckwheat groats instead of oats.

Add a few drops of liquid smoke or smoky spice to create a smoky flavor.

Store leftover sausages in a sealed container in the refrigerator (up to 6 days).

I hope you prepare this hearty vegetable sausage at home and enjoy eating a healthy and delicious fast food.