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#'checkmate' + 'gay'... gay chess?
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thatstartrekguy · 2 years
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gotta say my fave thing about spirk is how many flavors there are
for just the base menu we have:
pon farr: a classic, fuck-or-die, basically canon (y’all have seen the gifs, that shit’s not photoshopped, bare-tittied Jim wrestles deep-in-the-throws-of-Plaktow Spock, cue the time knife meme) 
Old Married Softies: they’re old, they’re married, death was never an option, even in retirement the ship never leaves them for they are the ship
love, for dummies: they are literally the only two that can’t see they’re in love with each other, like guys chess isn’t supposed to be an aphrodisiac 
Oh No! Another Mission Snafu!: basic TOS episode plot line but they say that shit with their words AND their eyes 
wait... friend brother and lover???: Jim realizing consistent erections are not common amongst two bros who’re just buddy ol’ pals, a bi-realization if you will (Jim: wait... I can like both?) 
Khan: death was the only option, also glass is homophobic 
gay apartment on wheels: pretty self explanatory, applies to the whole crew (with spirk being the parents or the children, take your pick), they’re a family who all live together and travel/adventure together and they’re all gay, found family and shenanigans ensue 
omgtheywereroommates: an au. it’s an au 
Jesus: by way of body hopping or blood trading by gods Bones is gonna single-handedly make sure they’re both alive even if he has to resurrect them himself bc he cannot deal with just one, the triumvirate is a delicate balance of knowing that each man can and will kill the other if not reigned in by the third 
checkmate: chess is an aphrodisiac 
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thealogie · 1 year
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i feel like neil wrote michealbub specifically to check mate asexuals
It felt that way but it also feels like he is trying to checkmate the gays. He’s playing 5D chess against every letter of the acronym
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hi im here to ask you to please please elaborate on john playing 5d chess with truthers in a modern day au
(personally i think he'd get a quick out of being like women women i love women and girls in interviews but then mentioning queer movies/recommending songs by obscure queer artists)
BEAR IN MIND HE WOULD DO ALL OF THIS, REGARDLESS OF THE VERACITY OF THE THEORY
Okay, so truthers tend to develop a canon of seemingly innocuous things their subjects do which "mean something" right? For example tumblr k*ylors think that when Karlie Kloss wears orange, it means she's about to do a "stunt" lol.
So in my head, John is overly read-up on this shit and like purposely messes with these "codes".
Imagine a scenario where the Modern AU McLennon Tinhats have decided John wears denim or something to signal he's in love with Paul, NOW imagine a scenario where the fandom gets Larry levels of out of hand and Brian is forcing them to address this.
Paul starts a livestream going like "Hey everyone, we're just confirmin' that, while John and I are good friends, there's nothin' else going on :)" and John pipes up from off screen "That we know of. Inconclusive, if you ask me." and Paul goes like "John what the fuck this is live??" And then Paul starts getting accused of throwing his gay fans under the bus (*paul scoff* "I wouldn't THINK of doin' anythin' of the SORT with a bus of all things!!!") and he does another livestream all frustrated and flustered like "Listen, look, I know it's good fun for some of you, but the, er, the people who take it too far, it's really– It's gettin' out of hand, y'know, and it's frustratin' when it isn't true y'know–" and John runs into the frame with a denim jacket like "Would a gay person wear THIS?????? checkmate mclennons."
And now the tinhats start theorizing they're going through a rough patch and John looks up from his phone after checking tumblr and goes "Bad news. We're about to break up :(" and Paul's like "I'm about to break YOU up."
Also, John starts quoting like, the most popular McLennon fic verbatim in public. Also he anonymously feeds big truther blogs some true but irrelevant insider information to gain their trust and then sends them the most batshit stuff.
Sorry I could go on ALL DAY.
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hyperfanfictions · 7 months
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I've been seeing a few posts on the royalteeth tag about queenie being a supportive wife for Kinger being gay, even after her abstraction. So just for this fic, I'll set aside my chess siblings headcanon for this.
I just want to say real quick, I support both Royalteeth and Checkmate. Do not attack me, this exception will probably only happen once.
Fic is under the cut!
Caine clacked a few keys on his keyboard, finishing a new line of code. Bubble dragged a wooden door onto the stage using his teeth, leaving deep marks in the wood. The members of the circus watched with curiosity.
After Caine finished the code and a moment of silence, Jax finally spoke up.
"Alright, what's going on, Caine? What's with the door?"
"I'm glad you asked!" Caine lifted his cane from the ground beside the door and tapped it 5 times on the ground. A breeze passed through the circus, sending shivers down everyone's spines. "I recently finished a line of code giving our wonderful friends a newer form! Only temporarily... But we can communicate with them again!"
" 'Wonderful friends?' Who are you-" Ragatha started her sentence, only to pause in shock as the door was opened.
A wispy silhouette emerged from the doorway, resembling an old friend of the members: Boris, an abstracted member who went insane before Zooble joined. Everyone stared in shock.
"Hello, Boris! It's great to see you again!" Caine waved hello to the canine ghost, and was greeted back with a snarl of annoyance. Caine merely chuckled. "Still the same old Boris!"
"BOOORIS!!" Gangle cried, running towards the wisp. Thankfully, she crashed right into him, confirming everyone's hopes that they could hug their old friends. More abstracted characters returned to the circus in wispy ghost forms. The last one to return was... Queenie.
Kinger hadn't even noticed her presence, as he was more focused on his boyfriend enjoying the positivity. Though he noticed when she tapped his shoulder solemnly.
"Ah! Queenie, my-" He paused his words. She stared at him patiently. He glanced at Caine before continuing. "My dear... It's been so long."
"I know, dear. I'm overjoyed to see you again." She grabbed Kinger's hands and held them tight with love. Kinger chuckled awkwardly. She rubbed his hand with her thumb, as she used to when she wasn't a large eye-covered beast. Caine watched the interaction awkwardly, afraid to say anything.
"Queenie, dearest..." Kinger began, pulling his hands out of her grip. She blinked in confusion. "I have something to tell you."
"Oh? Please, go right ahead, love!" She curled her own hands together. Jax heard her words and chuckled awkwardly, wanting to watch a potential fight but didn't want to be thrown into his room. Caine gripped his baton.
"Well- You see, um-"
"Oh, Caine! There you are darlin'!" Queenie waved to ringleader, startling Caine and having him drop his baton. "Oh, dear, you dropped your baton!" She wasted no time in climbing the stage and helping him out, ignoring his stuttering. Kinger discreetly took the ringleaders hand as Queenie lifted the baton from the ground.
"Here you go, dear. Be careful next time!" Queenie cheerfully handed the baton to Caine, who simply responded with a shy nod. Queenie then turned back to Kinger. "Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?"
"Um..." Kinger gripped Caine's hand. Queenies eyes drifted towards where their hands joined and gasped, surprised. Kinger immediately jumped to explain. "Now I swear I can explain this, Queenie-"
"Oh Caine, you're making my old boy happy!" She said excitedly, clapping her hands together. The ringleader blinked in confusion at the stranger reaction. Kinger looked just as confused. "Uh, Queenie-"
"Don't worry about me, Kinger, darlin'! I'm 100% okay with you dating this old gentleman!" She flicked her hand at Kinger, waving away his concerns. He sighed in relief. "Oh, thank god..."
"Kinger, I don't understand why you'd be so concerned. I've always been supportive of our little queer friends! Don't you remember when Boris and Jax had a little affair?"
"QUEENIE!" Jax shouted in embarrassment, stomping his foot. Quiet giggles erupted from the other members.
Queenie took the two lovers hands, squeezing them tight. "I support you both in your little love endeavors. Don't worry about me getting jealous; I half-expected this anyway."
"Oh. Well in that case..." Caine grinned at Kinger, placing one hand to his face. Kinger blinked in the confusion before being bombarded with kisses. "AH, NOT HERE!" Both of them laughed. Queenie watched with excitement. "Ah, to rekindle a broken heart. Truly a sight." She sighed happily.
~
As time passed, and the adventure came to a close, the ghosts soon waved goodbye as they passed through the wooden door. Queenie was last to leave, waving goodbye to the couple as she grinned. "Treat him right, Caine!" She said finally before the door shut, closing the barrier between the digital and the abstracted.
Caine floated closer to Kinger shyly. "Soo... Would she have any objections to marriage?" He muttered quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. Instead of yelping in surprise at the idea, Kinger chuckled.
"I think she'd be estatic. Maybe we could invite her to the wedding."
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findroleplay · 9 months
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(admin is 21, ftm, theythem — you can call me anir!)
currently seeking a world building & rp partner for a vague world building idea inspired by king arthur’s round table and court of camelot and the concept of chess. overall vibes are gay knights, dragons, political intrigue (checkmate, moving across the board, pawns…) blood feuds and beautiful strong women.
some plot ideas/tropes i would love to explore are mutual love potions, love triangles, knight-errantry, romancing the enemy.
basic criteria;
18+. i don’t care for nsfw but id rather role-play with adults because i will be considering mature themes.
advanced lit,
flawed, detailed & loved characters with agency,
ooc & communication. if you are thinking of ghosting me either because you don’t think we are compatible or you don’t vibe with my ideas i’d rather you tell me or you will be blocked. i’m open to rp with any old partners that haven’t worked out in the past !
( interested ? interact with this post or dm me to get to plotting right away !)
-
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findyourrp · 10 months
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(mun is 21, ftm, theythem — you can call me anir !)
currently seeking a world building & rp partner for a vague world building idea inspired by king arthur’s round table and court of camelot and the concept of chess. overall vibes are gay knights, dragons, political intrigue (checkmate, moving across the board, pawns…) blood feuds and beautiful strong women.
some plot ideas/tropes i would love to explore are mutual love potions, love triangles, knight-errantry, romancing the enemy.
admin feel free to ignore the other request i sent out 😭
basic criteria;
18+. i don’t care for nsfw but id rather role-play with adults because i will be considering mature themes.
advanced lit,
flawed, detailed & loved characters with agency,
ooc & communication. if you are thinking of ghosting me either because you don’t think we are compatible or you don’t vibe with my ideas i’d rather you tell me or you will be blocked. i’m open to rp with any old partners that haven’t worked out in the past !
( interested ? interact with this post or dm me to get to plotting right away !)
.
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nysocboy · 11 months
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Spider-Man: The Dark Age. Fan-movie with little Mary Jane and a lot of gay subtext
I have been eagerly anticipating the fan-movie Spider-Man: Intro the Dark, directed by Timmons Flowers and Gemstone alum Jak Kristowski: no girl is mentioned in the trailer or in any of the comments by the frontrunners. This is a big deal: the Spider-Man mythos is usually loaded down with heteronormative erasure ("Like all stories, this story is about a boy and a girl.")
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Scene 1: After a news report about an explosion in Rosenberg Labs, we cut to a high school shot.  Peter Parker (Joshua Morgan) enters his class and talks to his bud about asking "Ruby" out.  Ok, so he's established as heterosexual at minute 0.30.  Two other guys discuss meeting at Peter's house after school.
Scene 2: Home.  Peter is greeted by his mom  Cut to breakfast, where they all discuss the explosion. Dad says he's going to be gone three days to help with cleanup, and he'll be back tomorrow night.  That's two nights. Continuity?
Scene 3: Peter playing chess with his bud, whom he calls Veon, although he's listed as Eddie in the closing credits(Jaizier Mallett, listed in the closing credits as Ja).  He says "checkmate," although the pieces on the board are random; no checkmate.  Eddie/Veon leaves. 
A Harvard recruiter calls, wanting to talk to Peter because of his excellent skills on the guitar.  Really?  Does Harvard have a big guitar program? Could we see Peter playing this guitar?
Later, Dad gets home and tells Peter that all of the animals in the lab died. Except for the spider crawling p his sleeve...which, the minute he leaves the room, bites Peter!
Scene 4: That night, Peter dreams of having super powers.  He wakes up, goes to the kitchen, and eats a lot of pizza and chips.  He goes back to bed, wakes up with a fever, and stays home from school. 
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Scene 5: Cut to Peters' femme friend Hunter (Tyler Inabinette, who is queer in real life) eating dinner with his dad -- pizza.  Is that all people eat in ths town? Dad upbraids him for just getting a B on the quiz.  Then Dad, who owns Rosenberg Labs, gets a call that they lost something valuable, so he leaves.  Um..dude, the place was exploded. You lost everything of value.
Scene 6: Peter in the garage gym, doing lots of pushups and bench presses (fully clothed).  He can attach himself to the ceiling!  He calls Hunter to come over, and demonstrates.  They deduce that he has developed superpowers from the bite of a genitically altered spider.  
Scene 7: At school, Hunter wants to be Peter's lab partner, but he picks Ruby, the girl he likes, instead.  Not cool, bro!  Hunter has to pick someone else. He approaches Eddie/Veon, who is surprised: "Aren't you and Peter best friends?"  "Yeah, but he likes this girl..."  Eddie/Veon criticizes him: "Sound like you don't have the guts to ass it out."  This phrase is not in the Urban Dictionary, but I imagine it means something like "fight for him."
Scene 8: Hunter and Eddie.Veon working on their project, a 3-d model of an atom (which we don't get to see). They decide to take a break and go fishing.  That's a break?  Won't it take hours?  Hunter reveals that he likes Ruby, but Peter already has her torn up.  Ugh!  What happened to "just us guys?"  
On the way back from fishing, they discuss their interests.  Hunter asks Eddie/Veon to see a movie with "me and Peter."  He agrees, except "No Peter."  Want him all to yourself, Eddie/Veon?  Think of your answer carefully -- you're my last hope.
Scene 9: Cut to Peter testing his spidey powers by jumping off the roof.  No problem.  Mom and Dad are both out for the evening, so he cooks dinner -- not pizza.  Whoops, some burglars break in!  Peter clobbers them, but he's injured in the leg.  The police arrive and help him limp out. Wait -- it was night, and now it's broad daylight!
Scene 10: Peter's bestie Hunter calls and invites him to participate in an underground fight thing. They wear masks so no one knows who they are, but his opponent, Flash (Ben  Beauchamp), recognizes him anyway, calling him "Penis Parker."  What's wrong with being named after your penis?   He beats Flash, who goes home to get beat up by his dad. 
Cut to Peter and Hunter going home, laughing and grabbing each other.  The fight was at night, but now it's daylight.  Dad is watching a news story about how strong spider webs are. 
Scene 11: Peter and  Hunter designing a spider-man costume, with special equipment so he can extrude webs from his wrists and stick to things. They test the elasticity by holding hands.
Peter admits that he's kissed Ruby, and Hunter gives him effusive congratulations.  "You've proven that you're hetero, bro!  Want to hold hands again?"
Then Peter's spidey-senses kick in: his mom has been kidnapped by a katanga-wielding bad guy.  Peter rushes to the rescue, but she sees him -- what if she recognizes him?! He rushes back to his room to hide -- and takes his shirt off and lies down on the floor. Beefcake alert!
Scene 12: He awakens, still shirtless. Mom wants to talk to him, so he slowly puts a shirt on -- beefcake alert!.  Fortunately, they don't know that he's the spider-dude. They just want to know what's going on, with his late nights, fights, and girlfriend. He blows up and storms out.
That night, Peter's little brother Sam appears to yell at him: "You left me!  You were the worst big brother ever, to let me die like that!"  Why haven't we seen Sam or heard of this guilt before?
Scene 13:  In the morning, Peter rebuffs Mom's attempts to connect.  She asks "Did you hear what happened to Aunt May?"  Another character not mentioned before, but maybe she was the kidnapped lady.
Peter walks for a really long time.  Now it's night. He runs into Flash, the guy he beat at the fight earlier, being beat up by his Dad, I think, and intervenes.  Flash thanks him.
Scene 14: Peter standing atop one of the pylons on the Ravenel Bridge in Charleston, flexing in his Spider-Man costume.
Cliffhanger: The Big Bad decides to lure him out by kidnapping someone he's close to. The end.
Beefcake: Peter with his shirt off for about 5 minutes.
Gay Characters: None specificed.
Gay Subtext: Hunter seems be interested in Parker, and Eddie/Veon is trying to woo him away. I wish they could have been more explicit, but the guys were probably worried about scaring away homophobic viewers.
Heterosexism: In spite of the four throwaway lines about liking girls, there is no hetero-romantic plot. 
Continuity Errors: Lots. It's night, and then it's day.  You think it's dinner time, but they're having breakfast.  Characters are discussed without being introduced. Plotlines are introduced, then dropped.
My Grade: For a fan movie written and directed by two teenage dudebros, it has  competent production values.  The acting is a bit amateurish, but then, these are amateurs (except for Tyler), so you can't expect drama school graduates.  The gay subtext and lack of excessive heterosexism push the grade up to a C+.
The full review (many more pictures, no nudity) is on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends
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andyouloveme · 2 years
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I posted 226 times in 2022
That's 226 more posts than 2021!
6 posts created (3%)
220 posts reblogged (97%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@mydignityisinflames
@lovelylittlelosers
@glimmeringdreams
@malinthebodyguard
@grapehyasynth
I tagged 203 of my posts in 2022
Only 10% of my posts had no tags
#young royals - 193 posts
#yr spoilers - 57 posts
#fanart - 16 posts
#bts - 6 posts
#young royals thoughts - 6 posts
#prince wilhelm - 4 posts
#young royals s3 predictions - 4 posts
#queen kristina - 3 posts
#this was so funny - 3 posts
#sorry rant about august's plan cause it was just so stupid - 2 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#but also bruh simon you're the one who got a secret boyfriend‚ told wille you weren't seeing marcus and then kissed him in front of wille!!
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
i love ur user!!!!! my favourite song in the series <333
Haha thank you!! It won't be a surprise to anyone it made it into my top 5 on Spotify despite only hearing it in October for the first time. It really is the perfect song for them as they are the "Most Beautiful Boy"s inside and out! ❤️
Slight tangent but I'd actually heard one of the artist's songs before from the "It's just a game" trend but hadn't realised it was a song about mlm love. There's something lovely I think about how the gaming community, despite its stereotypes of being macho, created all these videos of the most emotional game moments to a song about gay love
0 notes - Posted December 10, 2022
#4
Hey, I know this is literally out of the blue but im asking for some emergency help for my cats current situation. Please boost/share it for us so that we could get some traction or it could reach more people. I understand if its not okay, so sorry for taking some of your time and I wish you to be safe and healthy, xx.(Please considering answering my ask privately or probably send me a msg! 😭🙏
Lmao I actually reported this blog the other day when someone I follow had reblogged your cat post but clearly Tumblr is shit at dealing with bots. I see you've already changed your name from lizzstones to stonedgirlliz. Real subtle. This is a classic example of a tumblr scam. The blog was only four hours old before it made the donation post and if you ever get a message like this 9 times out of 10 it's all bullshit. I'm only publishing this so others can recognise you in future
6 notes - Posted December 9, 2022
#3
Hello! Created a young royals sideblog so I can go insane over these boys without bothering everyone!
7 notes - Posted November 29, 2022
#2
youtube
The one we've all been waiting for!
10 notes - Posted December 6, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Just realising that when Wille and Alexander play chess, Alexander checkmates Wille which is foreshadowing his part in forcing Wille and Simon into not reporting August
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10 notes - Posted December 3, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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theconceptofconfusion · 6 months
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chess
Hey guys, I've been playing chess for a little while, but I'm confused as to when the gay sex starts? I thought that their would be some when if a bear takes a twink (rook takes pawn) but it didn't happen. Do I have to wait for the Rupaul drag Queen to put the queer ally in checkmate (king)
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@cerriddwenluna replied to your post “Rewatching Glee performances is such a weird...”:
Well, no. I don't know about those. I'd love to hear it, though 😁
​The "which seat can I taaaaake" from Smooth Criminal is from a, at the time, quite popular EELG crack video (another fucking throwback), where they put Rebecca Black's line from Friday over the shot where Santana and Sebastian are walking around with all the chairs. Other highlights of that EELG crack are the "nobody cares!" music over the scenes with the s4 newbies, and the transition from BOY's Little Numbers to that "I don't understand" song when it is revealed that Kurt meets up with Rachel in season 4. I tried to look it up but holy shit there are still so many EELG cracks on YouTube.
The Quinn continuity locker from Never Can Say Goodbye was in the peak of "we all hate Glee" in season 3, which honestly... fair. I just rewatched 22 season 3 songs and it brought back a lot of joy, but also uhh some underlying anger. But basically when Quinn opens her locker in the song and you see all the photos, it was a joke that "Glee doesn't have continuity, cause they put it all in her locker". Honestly, my fave performance from that episode re: memes is actually Wanna Be Startin' Something, I can't believe I forgot to mention it, cause it had "gay, gay, gay, gay, oh hi Mercedes!" and "having fun ISN'T HARD when you've got a LIBRARY CARD" and so many Bike Chanderson girlies, me included, were 👀👀👀 about that one shot at the end ahhh good times.
The Bills, Bills, Bills ones are just before my time, but I did see them a lot. There is this moment in the song where Darren makes quite a funny face and he, idk, sort of gestures with his hands as if he's desperate and this is around the time the Warblers are throwing the paper sheets, hence the joke that Blaine was super worried his homies would get a paper cut. This is at the same time of the "I AM JEFF" gif, which uhhh was actually Nick. Then there is the part where Blaine takes over someone's chess game and the other Warbler looks mock offended, and people made edits with the "SIRIUS BLACK! SIRIUUUUS BLAAAACK- oh, checkmate- SIRIUS BLAAAAACK!" quote, since, ya know, chess.
And during Something Coming, during the line of "with a blink/with a shock", Darren looks down and he opens his hands next to his hands and a lot of people could misread that as Blaine saying "cock" especially since he also looks down, hence the giffing.
Thanks for allowing me to go on this trip down memory lane.
And as an extra, a specific Dutch thing: RTL 5 translated Smooth Criminal as Gladde boef for its captions.
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totto70 · 2 years
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Checkmate!
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echotunes · 3 years
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c!tubbo appreciation post
it's the anniversary of tubbo joining the dsmp, so here's some general ramblings about why c!Tubbo Good
cc!Tubbo is great at acting and i appreciate him so much. his line deliveries are amazing. c!Tubbo has said some of my favourite lines on the SMP. "best of luck!" (x), "yourself" (x 56:08), "this is checkmate" (x 56:46), the entirety of the "selfish" speech (x 1:03:18), "The discs don't matter, Tommy! How can you not see that?" (x 47:04), "Hey Big Q! Look what I found" (x 10:14), the scene where he yells at Quackity for wanting to execute Ranboo (x 1:23:46), the whole "it's been a lot of fucking fun" scene with Tommy right before the election results are announced (x).... THERE'S SO MUCH GOOD STUFF. the checkmate line was improvised. like holy shit
his story is just so interesting. he went from just Some Guy, to child revolutionary soldier, to secretary of state, to a dictator's right hand man and also a spy, to president, to married man living with his piglin son and being periodically visited by his former political rival/cabinet member/now husband in his own little commune that also happens to be concealing nuclear weapons. like where else can you get a character like this
seriously i made a post about this a while ago and it's one of my most popular tumblr posts i've ever made so a lot of people have probably already seen it but he's just so cool. he's gay married. he has a son. he's funny. he has a sword named checkmate. he has nukes. what is there not to love
speaking of nukes he's so smart?? like this is obviously also partially cc!Tubbo shining through but this man was canonically able to invent nukes. i fully choose to believe he invented canonical skype and the nokia phones that can run it.
AGAIN HIS SWORD IS (was?) NAMED CHECKMATE. GIRLBOSS. RECLAIM THAT CHESS MOTIF <3
he's been through so much. manberg spy arc. hhholy shit. i adore the new l'manberg/exile arc so much and a huge reason for that is Tubbo. his acting when talking about missing Tommy is so good
his relationship with c!Tommy. they've been through so much together. the entirety of season 2 just. ow. that bit where Techno and Tommy went to visit nlm to get techno's weapons back and Tubbo like. reached out to Tommy when they were leaving (x 1:00:07). it was just a minecraft punch in his direction but i'm interpreting that as him reaching out and refuse to believe otherwise. that bit after the Green Festival when they part ways. the entirety of the disc finale. aaaaa
his relationship with c!Ranboo. they went from political rivals, to working together in the nlm cabinet, where they were already kinda friends but still somewhat distant, to better friends to the point where Tubbo believed Ranboo was the only truly loyal member of nlm (x). Ranboo was so fucking upset when Tubbo got the memory book at the Green Festival because Tubbo was "the closest person he had" and he would "never get the way Tubbo looked at him out of his head" (x 1:44:58). and now they're fucking married with an adopted son. they're genuinely one of my favourite relationships on the entire SMP it's so fucking interesting
his relationship with c!Quackity. they've been through so much together and now they're on opposite sides of a conflict that's driven by forces that were shaped by the things they went through together (-> Manberg). cabinetduo. there's so many things about their relationship i just. man.
Tubbo is so fucking funny. this is also just a cc!Tubbo thing but it still deserves a mention. teach him about the political climate of berlin. he wants to know
just his entire characterisation is so good. he goes non-verbal in stressful situations (-> the entirety of Doomsday, Wilbur's revival, a ton of stuff). he's so self-sacrificing to the point that he was completely okay with tommy letting him die for the discs (x 38:10 and 55:03) and jumped in front of a firework for Tommy at Doomsday (x 55:47) and said he'd rather "take himself out of the equation" than choose between ranboo and tommy (x) and put a fucking dead man's switch in his nukes. he takes shit other people say to him to heart (like Dream being absolutely shit to him at the Green Festival) and has terrible self-esteem as a result. he represses his emotions to hell and back.
there's just so many interesting little things about Tubbo's character. he collected old books in his little secret bunker back in manberg. he builds lots of bunkers and tunnels and shit. he canonically consumes drugs/alcohol sometimes. that gets overlooked a lot
I could go on and on and on but I think you get the point. c!Tubbo is my absolute favourite character on the Dream SMP and these are only some of the reasons why
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anarchistbitch · 4 years
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Okay so I took notes during her insta live because im a nerd and here they are
She planned out tlh after clockwork princess in 2014
She loves writing from cordelia's and Lucie's perspective, Lucie's because she's a writer like her
We get to see cordelia explore her Persian culture , also like im paraphrasing here but one of the main themes is basically about chess and like checkmates and shit you gotta be there
There will be a lot of Persian food!!!!!!
And we get to see some ceremonial family stuff
Fun fact: queen of air and darkness would have had mark or cristina on the cover but they wanted it to be underwater so they chose Annabel to get that flowy underwater effect. Smh they should've put mark in a dress.
There will be ten illustrations of the gang!!!!!!
My entire gay mind just went AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH CAUSE ANNA LIGHTWOOD
Magnus has an important unusual role of some sort, might've been spying with jem idk my wifi went out
Speaking of Magnus and jem!!!!!!!
There will be an extra story in the collectors first edition with Magnus and jem possibly spying. As I said my wifi went out and I am dumb of ass
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innuendostudios · 3 years
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Thoughts on: Criterion's Neo-Noir Collection
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I have written up all 26 films* in the Criterion Channel's Neo-Noir Collection.
Legend: rw - rewatch; a movie I had seen before going through the collection dnrw - did not rewatch; if a movie met two criteria (a. I had seen it within the last 18 months, b. I actively dislike it) I wrote it up from memory.
* in September, Brick leaves the Criterion Channel and is replaced in the collection with Michael Mann's Thief. May add it to the list when that happens.
Note: These are very "what was on my mind after watching." No effort has been made to avoid spoilers, nor to make the plot clear for anyone who hasn't seen the movies in question. Decide for yourself if that's interesting to you.
Cotton Comes to Harlem I feel utterly unequipped to asses this movie. This and Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song the following year are regularly cited as the progenitors of the blaxploitation genre. (This is arguably unfair, since both were made by Black men and dealt much more substantively with race than the white-directed films that followed them.) Its heroes are a couple of Black cops who are treated with suspicion both by their white colleagues and by the Black community they're meant to police. I'm not 100% clear on whether they're the good guys? I mean, I think they are. But the community's suspicion of them seems, I dunno... well-founded? They are working for The Man. And there's interesting discussion to the had there - is the the problem that the law is carried out by racists, or is the law itself racist? Can Black cops make anything better? But it feels like the film stacks the deck in Gravedigger and Coffin Ed's favor; the local Black church is run by a conman, the Back-to-Africa movement is, itself, a con, and the local Black Power movement is treated as an obstacle. Black cops really are the only force for justice here. Movie portrays Harlem itself as a warm, thriving, cultured community, but the people that make up that community are disloyal and easily fooled. Felt, to me, like the message was "just because they're cops doesn't mean they don't have Black soul," which, nowadays, we would call copaganda. But, then, do I know what I'm talking about? Do I know how much this played into or off of or against stereotypes from 1970? Was this a radical departure I don't have the context to appreciate? Is there substance I'm too white and too many decades removed to pick up on? Am I wildly overthinking this? I dunno. Seems like everyone involved was having a lot of fun, at least. That bit is contagious.
Across 110th Street And here's the other side of the "race film" equation. Another movie set in Harlem with a Black cop pulled between the police, the criminals, and the public, but this time the film is made by white people. I like it both more and less. Pro: this time the difficult position of Black cop who's treated with suspicion by both white cops and Black Harlemites is interrogated. Con: the Black cop has basically no personality other than "honest cop." Pro: the racism of the police force is explicit and systemic, as opposed to comically ineffectual. Con: the movie is shaped around a racist white cop who beats the shit out of Black people but slowly forms a bond with his Black partner. Pro: the Black criminal at the heart of the movie talks openly about how the white world has stacked the deck against him, and he's soulful and relateable. Con: so of course he dies in the end, because the only way privileged people know to sympathetize with minorities is to make them tragic (see also: The Boys in the Band, Philadelphia, and Brokeback Mountain for gay men). Additional con: this time Harlem is portrayed as a hellhole. Barely any of the community is even seen. At least the shot at the end, where the criminal realizes he's going to die and throws the bag of money off a roof and into a playground so the Black kids can pick it up before the cops reclaim it was powerful. But overall... yech. Cotton Comes to Harlem felt like it wasn't for me; this feels like it was 100% for me and I respect it less for that.
The Long Goodbye (rw) The shaggiest dog. Like much Altman, more compelling than good, but very compelling. Raymond Chandler's story is now set in the 1970's, but Philip Marlowe is the same Philip Marlowe of the 1930's. I get the sense there was always something inherently sad about Marlowe. Classic noir always portrayed its detectives as strong-willed men living on the border between the straightlaced world and its seedy underbelly, crossing back and forth freely but belonging to neither. But Chandler stresses the loneliness of it - or, at least, the people who've adapted Chandler do. Marlowe is a decent man in an indecent world, sorting things out, refusing to profit from misery, but unable to set anything truly right. Being a man out of step is here literalized by putting him forty years from the era where he belongs. His hardboiled internal monologue is now the incessant mutterings of the weird guy across the street who never stops smoking. Like I said: compelling! Kael's observation was spot on: everyone in the movie knows more about the mystery than he does, but he's the only one who cares. The mystery is pretty threadbare - Marlowe doesn't detect so much as end up in places and have people explain things to him. But I've seen it two or three times now, and it does linger.
Chinatown (rw) I confess I've always been impressed by Chinatown more than I've liked it. Its story structure is impeccable, its atmosphere is gorgeous, its noirish fatalism is raw and real, its deconstruction of the noir hero is well-observed, and it's full of clever detective tricks (the pocket watches, the tail light, the ruler). I've just never connected with it. Maybe it's a little too perfectly crafted. (I feel similar about Miller's Crossing.) And I've always been ambivalent about the ending. In Towne's original ending, Evelyn shoots Noah Cross dead and get arrested, and neither she nor Jake can tell the truth of why she did it, so she goes to jail for murder and her daughter is in the wind. Polansky proposed the ending that exists now, where Evelyn just dies, Cross wins, and Jake walks away devastated. It communicates the same thing: Jake's attempt to get smart and play all the sides off each other instead of just helping Evelyn escape blows up in his face at the expense of the woman he cares about and any sense of real justice. And it does this more dramatically and efficiently than Towne's original ending. But it also treats Evelyn as narratively disposable, and hands the daughter over to the man who raped Evelyn and murdered her husband. It makes the women suffer more to punch up the ending. But can I honestly say that Towne's ending is the better one? It is thematically equal, dramatically inferior, but would distract me less. Not sure what the calculus comes out to there. Maybe there should be a third option. Anyway! A perfect little contraption. Belongs under a glass dome.
Night Moves (rw) Ah yeah, the good shit. This is my quintessential 70's noir. This is three movies in a row about detectives. Thing is, the classic era wasn't as chockablock with hardboiled detectives as we think; most of those movies starred criminals, cops, and boring dudes seduced to the darkness by a pair of legs. Gumshoes just left the strongest impressions. (The genre is said to begin with Maltese Falcon and end with Touch of Evil, after all.) So when the post-Code 70's decided to pick the genre back up while picking it apart, it makes sense that they went for the 'tecs first. The Long Goodbye dragged the 30's detective into the 70's, and Chinatown went back to the 30's with a 70's sensibility. But Night Moves was about detecting in the Watergate era, and how that changed the archetype. Harry Moseby is the detective so obsessed with finding the truth that he might just ruin his life looking for it, like the straight story will somehow fix everything that's broken, like it'll bring back a murdered teenager and repair his marriage and give him a reason to forgive the woman who fucked him just to distract him from some smuggling. When he's got time to kill, he takes out a little, magnetic chess set and recreates a famous old game, where three knight moves (get it?) would have led to a beautiful checkmate had the player just seen it. He keeps going, self-destructing, because he can't stand the idea that the perfect move is there if he can just find it. And, no matter how much we see it destroy him, we, the audience, want him to keep going; we expect a satisfying resolution to the mystery. That's what we need from a detective picture; one character flat-out compares Harry to Sam Spade. But what if the truth is just... Watergate? Just some prick ruining things for selfish reasons? Nothing grand, nothing satisfying. Nothing could be more noir, or more neo-, than that.
Farewell, My Lovely Sometimes the only thing that makes a noir neo- is that it's in color and all the blood, tits, and racism from the books they're based on get put back in. This second stab at Chandler is competant but not much more than that. Mitchum works as Philip Marlowe, but Chandler's dialogue feels off here, like lines that worked on the page don't work aloud, even though they did when Bogie said them. I'll chalk it up to workmanlike but uninspired direction. (Dang this looks bland so soon after Chinatown.) Moose Malloy is a great character, and perfectly cast. (Wasn't sure at first, but it's true.) Some other interesting cats show up and vanish - the tough brothel madam based on Brenda Allen comes to mind, though she's treated with oddly more disdain than most of the other hoods and is dispatched quicker. In general, the more overt racism and misogyny doesn't seem to do anything except make the movie "edgier" than earlier attempts at the same material, and it reads kinda try-hard. But it mostly holds together. *shrug*
The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (dnrw) Didn't care for this at all. Can't tell if the script was treated as a jumping-off point or if the dialogue is 100% improvised, but it just drags on forever and is never that interesting. Keeps treating us to scenes from the strip club like they're the opera scenes in Amadeus, and, whatever, I don't expect burlesque to be Mozart, but Cosmo keeps saying they're an artful, classy joint, and I keep waiting for the show to be more than cheap, lazy camp. How do you make gratuitious nudity boring? Mind you, none of this is bad as a rule - I love digressions and can enjoy good sleaze, and it's clear the filmmakers care about what they're making. They just did not sell it in a way I wanted to buy. Can't remember what edit I watched; I hope it was the 135 minute one, because I cannot imagine there being a longer edit out there.
The American Friend (dnrw) It's weird that this is Patricia Highsmith, right? That Dennis Hopper is playing Tom Ripley? In a cowboy hat? I gather that Minghella's version wasn't true to the source, but I do love that movie, and this is a long, long way from that. This Mr. Ripley isn't even particularly talented! Anyway, this has one really great sequence, where a regular guy has been coerced by crooks into murdering someone on a train platform, and, when the moment comes to shoot, he doesn't. And what follows is a prolonged sequence of an amateur trying to surreptitiously tail a guy across a train station and onto another train, and all the while you're not sure... is he going to do it? is he going to chicken out? is he going to do it so badly he gets caught? It's hard not to put yourself in the protagonist's shoes, wondering how you would handle the situation, whether you could do it, whether you could act on impulse before your conscience could catch up with you. It drags on a long while and this time it's a good thing. Didn't much like the rest of the movie, it's shapeless and often kind of corny, and the central plot hook is contrived. (It's also very weird that this is the only Wim Wenders I've seen.) But, hey, I got one excellent sequence, not gonna complain.
The Big Sleep Unlike the 1946 film, I can follow the plot of this Big Sleep. But, also unlike the 1946 version, this one isn't any damn fun. Mitchum is back as Marlowe (this is three Marlowes in five years, btw), and this time it's set in the 70's and in England, for some reason. I don't find this offensive, but neither do I see what it accomplishes? Most of the cast is still American. (Hi Jimmy!) Still holds together, but even less well than Farewell, My Lovely. But I do find it interesting that the neo-noir era keeps returning to Chandler while it's pretty much left Hammet behind (inasmuch as someone whose genes are spread wide through the whole genre can be left behind). Spade and the Continental Op, straightshooting tough guys who come out on top in the end, seem antiquated in the (post-)modern era. But Marlowe's goodness being out of sync with the world around him only seems more poignant the further you take him from his own time. Nowadays you can really only do Hammett as pastiche, but I sense that you could still play Chandler straight.
Eyes of Laura Mars The most De Palma movie I've seen not made by De Palma, complete with POV shots, paranormal hoodoo, and fixation with sex, death, and whether images of such are art or exploitation (or both). Laura Mars takes photographs of naked women in violent tableux, and has gotten quite famous doing so, but is it damaging to women? The movie has more than a superficial engagement with this topic, but only slightly more than superficial. Kept imagining a movie that is about 30% less serial killer story and 30% more art conversations. (But, then, I have an art degree and have never murdered anyone, so.) Like, museums are full of Biblical paintings full of nude women and slaughter, sometimes both at once, and they're called masterpieces. Most all of them were painted by men on commission from other men. Now Laura Mars makes similar images in modern trappings, and has models made of flesh and blood rather than paint, and it's scandalous? Why is it only controversial once women are getting paid for it? On the other hand, is this just the master's tools? Is she subverting or challenging the male gaze, or just profiting off of it? Or is a woman profiting off of it, itself, a subversion? Is it subversive enough to account for how it commodifies female bodies? These questions are pretty clearly relevant to the movie itself, and the movies in general, especially after the fall of the Hays Code when people were really unrestrained with the blood and boobies. And, heck, the lead is played by the star of Bonnie and Clyde! All this is to say: I wish the movie were as interested in these questions as I am. What's there is a mildly diverting B-picture. There's one great bit where Laura's seeing through the killer's eyes (that's the hook, she gets visions from the murderer's POV; no, this is never explained) and he's RIGHT BEHIND HER, so there's a chase where she charges across an empty room only able to see her own fleeing self from ten feet behind. That was pretty great! And her first kiss with the detective (because you could see a mile away that the detective and the woman he's supposed to protect are gonna fall in love) is immediately followed by the two freaking out about how nonsensical it is for them to fall in love with each other, because she's literally mourning multiple deaths and he's being wildly unprofessional, and then they go back to making out. That bit was great, too. The rest... enh.
The Onion Field What starts off as a seemingly not-that-noirish cops-vs-crooks procedural turns into an agonizingly protracted look at the legal system, with the ultimate argument that the very idea of the law ever resulting in justice is a lie. Hoo! I have to say, I'm impressed. There's a scene where a lawyer - whom I'm not sure is even named, he's like the seventh of thirteen we've met - literally quits the law over how long this court case about two guys shooting a cop has taken. He says the cop who was murdered has been forgotten, his partner has never gotten to move on because the case has lasted eight years, nothing has been accomplished, and they should let the two criminals walk and jail all the judges and lawyers instead. It's awesome! The script is loaded with digressions and unnecessary details, just the way I like it. Can't say I'm impressed with the execution. Nothing is wrong, exactly, but the performances all seem a tad melodramatic or a tad uninspired. Camerawork is, again, purely functional. It's no masterpiece. But that second half worked for me. (And it's Ted Danson's first movie! He did great.)
Body Heat (rw) Let's say up front that this is a handsomely-made movie. Probably the best looking thing on the list since Night Moves. Nothing I've seen better captures the swelter of an East Coast heatwave, or the lusty feeling of being too hot to bang and going at it regardless. Kathleen Turner sells the hell out of a femme fatale. There are a lot of good lines and good performances (Ted Danson is back and having the time of his life). I want to get all that out of the way, because this is a movie heavily modeled after Double Indemnity, and I wanted to discuss its merits before I get into why inviting that comparison doesn't help the movie out. In a lot of ways, it's the same rules as the Robert Mitchum Marlowe movies - do Double Indemnity but amp up the sex and violence. And, to a degree it works. (At least, the sex does, dunno that Double Indemnity was crying out for explosions.) But the plot is amped as well, and gets downright silly. Yeah, Mrs. Dietrichson seduces Walter Neff so he'll off her husband, but Neff clocks that pretty early and goes along with it anyway. Everything beyond that is two people keeping too big a secret and slowly turning on each other. But here? For the twists to work Matty has to be, from frame one, playing four-dimensional chess on the order of Senator Palpatine, and its about as plausible. (Exactly how did she know, after she rebuffed Ned, he would figure out her local bar and go looking for her at the exact hour she was there?) It's already kind of weird to be using the spider woman trope in 1981, but to make her MORE sexually conniving and mercenary than she was in the 40's is... not great. As lurid trash, it's pretty fun for a while, but some noir stuff can't just be updated, it needs to be subverted or it doesn't justify its existence.
Blow Out Brian De Palma has two categories of movie: he's got his mainstream, director-for-hire fare, where his voice is either reigned in or indulged in isolated sequences that don't always jive with the rest fo the film, and then there's his Brian De Palma movies. My mistake, it seems, is having seen several for-hires from throughout his career - The Untouchables (fine enough), Carlito's Way (ditto, but less), Mission: Impossible (enh) - but had only seen De Palma-ass movies from his late period (Femme Fatale and The Black Dahlia, both of which I think are garbage). All this to say: Blow Out was my first classic-era De Palma, and holy fucking shit dudes. This was (with caveats) my absolute and entire jam. I said I could enjoy good sleaze, and this is good friggin' sleaze. (Though far short of De Palma at his sleaziest, mercifully.) The splitscreens, the diopter shots, the canted angles, how does he make so many shlocky things work?! John Travolta's sound tech goes out to get fresh wind fx for the movie he's working on, and we get this wonderful sequence of visuals following sounds as he turns his attention and his microphone to various noises - a couple on a walk, a frog, an owl, a buzzing street lamp. Later, as he listens back to the footage, the same sequence plays again, but this time from his POV; we're seeing his memory as guided by the same sequence of sounds, now recreated with different shots, as he moves his pencil in the air mimicking the microphone. When he mixes and edits sounds, we hear the literal soundtrack of the movie we are watching get mixed and edited by the person on screen. And as he tries to unravel a murder mystery, he uses what's at hand: magnetic tape, flatbed editors, an animation camera to turn still photos from the crime scene into a film and sync it with the audio he recorded; it's forensics using only the tools of the editing room. As someone who's spent some time in college editing rooms, this is a hoot and a half. Loses a bit of steam as it goes on and the film nerd stuff gives way to a more traditional thriller, but rallies for a sound-tech-centered final setpiece, which steadily builds to such madcap heights you can feel the air thinning, before oddly cutting its own tension and then trying to build it back up again. It doesn't work as well the second time. But then, that shot right after the climax? Damn. Conflicted on how the movie treats the female lead. I get why feminist film theorists are so divided on De Palma. His stuff is full of things feminists (rightly) criticize, full of women getting naked when they're not getting stabbed, but he also clearly finds women fascinating and has them do empowered and unexpected things, and there are many feminist reads of his movies. Call it a mixed bag. But even when he's doing tropey shit, he explores the tropes in unexpected ways. Definitely the best movie so far that I hadn't already seen.
Cutter's Way (rw) Alex Cutter is pitched to us as an obnoxious-but-sympathetic son of a bitch, and, you know, two out of three ain't bad. Watched this during my 2020 neo-noir kick and considered skipping it this time because I really didn't enjoy it. Found it a little more compelling this go around, while being reminded of why my feelings were room temp before. Thematically, I'm onboard: it's about a guy, Cutter, getting it in his head that he's found a murderer and needs to bring him to justice, and his friend, Bone, who intermittently helps him because he feels bad that Cutter lost his arm, leg, and eye in Nam and he also feels guilty for being in love with Cutter's wife. The question of whether the guy they're trying to bring down actually did it is intentionally undefined, and arguably unimportant; they've got personal reasons to see this through. Postmodern and noirish, fixated with the inability to ever fully know the truth of anything, but starring people so broken by society that they're desperate for certainty. (Pretty obvious parallels to Vietnam.) Cutter's a drunk and kind of an asshole, but understandably so. Bone's shiftlessness is the other response to a lack of meaning in the world, to the point where making a decision, any decision, feels like character growth, even if it's maybe killing a guy whose guilt is entirely theoretical. So, yeah, I'm down with all of this! A- in outline form. It's just that Cutter is so uninterestingly unpleasant and no one else on screen is compelling enough to make up for it. His drunken windups are tedious and his sanctimonious speeches about what the war was like are, well, true and accurate but also obviously manipulative. It's two hours with two miserable people, and I think Cutter's constant chatter is supposed to be the comic relief but it's a little too accurate to drunken rambling, which isn't funny if you're not also drunk. He's just tedious, irritating, and periodically racist. Pass.
Blood Simple (rw) I'm pretty cool on the Coens - there are things I've liked, even loved, in every Coen film I've seen, but I always come away dissatisfied. For a while, I kept going to their movies because I was sure eventually I'd love one without qualification. No Country for Old Men came close, the first two acts being master classes in sustained tension. But then the third act is all about denying closure: the protagonist is murdered offscreen, the villain's motives are never explained, and it ends with an existentialist speech about the unfathomable cruelty of the world. And it just doesn't land for me. The archness of the Coen's dialogue, the fussiness of their set design, the kinda-intimate, kinda-awkward, kinda-funny closeness of the camera's singles, it cannot sell me on a devastating meditation about meaninglessness. It's only ever sold me on the Coens' own cleverness. And that archness, that distancing, has typified every one of their movies I've come close to loving. Which is a long-ass preamble to saying, holy heck, I was not prepared for their very first movie to be the one I'd been looking for! I watched it last year and it remains true on rewatch: Blood Simple works like gangbusters. It's kind of Double Indemnity (again) but played as a comedy of errors, minus the comedy: two people romantically involved feeling their trust unravel after a murder. And I think the first thing that works for me is that utter lack of comedy. It's loaded with the Coens' trademark ironies - mostly dramatic in this case - but it's all played straight. Unlike the usual lead/femme fatale relationship, where distrust brews as the movie goes on, the audience knows the two main characters can trust each other. There are no secret duplicitous motives waiting to be revealed. The audience also know why they don't trust each other. (And it's all communicated wordlessly, btw: a character enters a scene and we know, based on the information that character has, how it looks to them and what suspicions it would arouse, even as we know the truth of it). The second thing that works is, weirdly, that the characters aren't very interesting?! Ray and Abby have almost no characterization. Outside of a general likability, they are blank slates. This is a weakness in most films, but, given the agonizingly long, wordless sequences where they dispose of bodies or hide from gunfire, you're left thinking not "what will Ray/Abby do in this scenario," because Ray and Abby are relatively elemental and undefined, but "what would I do in this scenario?" Which creates an exquisite tension but also, weirdly, creates more empathy than I feel for the Coens' usual cast of personalities. It's supposed to work the other way around! Truly enjoyable throughout but absolutely wonderful in the suspenseful-as-hell climax. Good shit right here.
Body Double The thing about erotic thrillers is everything that matters is in the name. Is it thrilling? Is it erotic? Good; all else is secondary. De Palma set out to make the most lurid, voyeuristic, horny, violent, shocking, steamy movie he could come up with, and its success was not strictly dependent on the lead's acting ability or the verisimilitude of the plot. But what are we, the modern audience, to make of it once 37 years have passed and, by today's standards, the eroticism is quite tame and the twists are no longer shocking? Then we're left with a nonsensical riff on Vertigo, a specularization of women that is very hard to justify, and lead actor made of pulped wood. De Palma's obsessions don't cohere into anything more this time; the bits stolen from Hitchcock aren't repurposed to new ends, it really is just Hitch with more tits and less brains. (I mean, I still haven't seen Vertigo, but I feel 100% confident in that statement.) The diopter shots and rear-projections this time look cheap (literally so, apparently; this had 1/3 the budget of Blow Out). There are some mildly interesting setpieces, but nothing compared to Travolta's auditory reconstructions or car chase where he tries to tail a subway train from street level even if it means driving through a frickin parade like an inverted French Connection, goddamn Blow Out was a good movie! Anyway. Melanie Griffith seems to be having fun, at least. I guess I had a little as well, but it was, at best, diverting, and a real letdown.
The Hit Surprised by how much I enjoyed this one. Terrance Stamp flips on the mob and spends ten years living a life of ease in Spain, waiting for the day they find and kill him. Movie kicks off when they do find him, and what follows is a ramshackle road movie as John Hurt and a young Tim Roth attempt to drive him to Paris so they can shoot him in front of his old boss. Stamp is magnetic. He's spent a decade reading philosophy and seems utterly prepared for death, so he spends the trip humming, philosophizing, and being friendly with his captors when he's not winding them up. It remains unclear to the end whether the discord he sews between Roth and Hurt is part of some larger plan of escape or just for shits and giggles. There's also a decent amount of plot for a movie that's not terribly plot-driven - just about every part of the kidnapping has tiny hitches the kidnappers aren't prepared for, and each has film-long repercussions, drawing the cops closer and somehow sticking Laura del Sol in their backseat. The ongoing questions are when Stamp will die, whether del Sol will die, and whether Roth will be able to pull the trigger. In the end, it's actually a meditation on ethics and mortality, but in a quiet and often funny way. It's not going to go down as one of my new favs, but it was a nice way to spend a couple hours.
Trouble in Mind (dnrw) I fucking hated this movie. It's been many months since I watched it, do I remember what I hated most? Was it the bit where a couple of country bumpkins who've come to the city walk into a diner and Mr. Bumpkin clocks that the one Black guy in the back as obviously a criminal despite never having seen him before? Was it the part where Kris Kristofferson won't stop hounding Mrs. Bumpkin no matter how many times she demands to be left alone, and it's played as romantic because obviously he knows what she needs better than she does? Or is it the part where Mr. Bumpkin reluctantly takes a job from the Obvious Criminal (who is, in fact, a criminal, and the only named Black character in the movie if I remember correctly, draw your own conclusions) and, within a week, has become a full-blown hood, which is exemplified by a lot, like, a lot of queer-coding? The answer to all three questions is yes. It's also fucking boring. Even out-of-drag Divine's performance as the villain can't save it.
Manhunter 'sfine? I've still never seen Silence of the Lambs, nor any of the Hopkins Lecter movies, nor, indeed, any full episode of the show. So the unheimlich others get seeing Brian Cox play Hannibal didn't come into play. Cox does a good job with him, but he's barely there. Shame, cuz he's the most interesting part of the movie. Honestly, there's a lot of interesting stuff that's barely there. Will Graham being a guy who gets into the heads of serial killers is explored well enough, and Mann knows how to direct a police procedural such that it's both contemplative and propulsive. But all the other themes it points at? Will's fear that he understands murderers a little too well? Hannibal trying to nudge him towards becoming one? Whatever dance Hannibal and Tooth Fairy are doing? What Tooth Fairy's deal is, anyway? (Why does he wear fake teeth and bite things? Why is he fixated on the red dragon? Does the bit where he says "Francis is gone forever" mean he has DID?) None of it goes anywhere or amounts to anything. I mean, it's certainly more interesting with this stuff than without, but it has that feel of a book that's been pared of its interesting bits to fit the runtime (or, alternately, pulp that's been sloppily elevated). I still haven't made my mind up on Mann's cold, precise camera work, but at least it gives me something to look at. It's fine! This is fine.
Mona Lisa (rw) Gave this one another shot. Bob Hoskins is wonderful as a hood out of his depth in classy places, quick to anger but just as quick to let anger go (the opening sequence where he's screaming on his ex-wife's doorstep, hurling trash cans at her house, and one minute later thrilled to see his old car, is pretty nice). And Cathy Tyson's working girl is a subtler kind of fascinating, exuding a mixture of coldness and kindness. It's just... this is ultimately a story about how heartbreaking it is when the girl you like is gay, right? It's Weezer's Pink Triangle: The Movie. It's not homophobic, exactly - Simone isn't demonized for being a lesbian - but it's still, like, "man, this straight white guy's pain is so much more interesting than the Black queer sex worker's." And when he's yelling "you woulda done it!" at the end, I can't tell if we're supposed to agree with him. Seems pretty clear that she wouldn'ta done it, at least not without there being some reveal about her character that doesn't happen, but I don't think the ending works if we don't agree with him, so... I'm like 70% sure the movie does Simone dirty there. For the first half, their growing relationship feels genuine and natural, and, honestly, the story being about a real bond that unfortunately means different things to each party could work if it didn't end with a gun and a sock in the jaw. Shape feels jagged as well; what feels like the end of the second act or so turns out to be the climax. And some of the symbolism is... well, ok, Simone gives George money to buy more appropriate clothes for hanging out in high end hotels, and he gets a tan leather jacket and a Hawaiian shirt, and their first proper bonding moment is when she takes him out for actual clothes. For the rest of the movie he is rocking double-breasted suits (not sure I agree with the striped tie, but it was the eighties, whaddya gonna do?). Then, in the second half, she sends him off looking for her old streetwalker friend, and now he looks completely out of place in the strip clubs and bordellos. So far so good. But then they have this run-in where her old pimp pulls a knife and cuts George's arm, so, with his nice shirt torn and it not safe going home (I guess?) he starts wearing the Hawaiian shirt again. So around the time he's starting to realize he doesn't really belong in Simone's world or the lowlife world he came from anymore, he's running around with the classy double-breasted suit jacket over the garish Hawaiian shirt, and, yeah, bit on the nose guys. Anyway, it has good bits, I just feel like a movie that asks me to feel for the guy punching a gay, Black woman in the face needs to work harder to earn it. Bit of wasted talent.
The Bedroom Window Starts well. Man starts an affair with his boss' wife, their first night together she witnesses an attempted murder from his window, she worries going to the police will reveal the affair to her husband, so the man reports her testimony to the cops claiming he's the one who saw it. Young Isabelle Huppert is the perfect woman for a guy to risk his career on a crush over, and Young Steve Guttenberg is the perfect balance of affability and amorality. And it flows great - picks just the right media to res. So then he's talking to the cops, telling them what she told him, and they ask questions he forgot to ask her - was the perp's jacket a blazer or a windbreaker? - and he has to guess. Then he gets called into the police lineup, and one guy matches her description really well, but is it just because he's wearing his red hair the way she described it? He can't be sure, doesn't finger any of them. He finds out the cops were pretty certain about one of the guys, so he follows the one he thinks it was around, looking for more evidence, and another girl is attacked right outside a bar he knows the redhead was at. Now he's certain! But he shows the boss' wife the guy and she's not certain, and she reminds him they don't even know if the guy he followed is the same guy the police suspected! And as he feeds more evidence to the cops, he has to lie more, because he can't exactly say he was tailing the guy around the city. So, I'm all in now. Maybe it's because I'd so recently rewatched Night Moves and Cutter's Way, but this seems like another story about uncertainty. He's really certain about the guy because it fits narratively, and we, the audience, feel the same. But he's not actually a witness, he doesn't have actual evidence, he's fitting bits and pieces together like a conspiracy theorist. He's fixating on what he wants to be true. Sign me up! But then it turns out he's 100% correct about who the killer is but his lies are found out and now the cops think he's the killer and I realize, oh, no, this movie isn't nearly as smart as I thought it was. Egg on my face! What transpires for the remaining half of the runtime is goofy as hell, and someone with shlockier sensibilities could have made a meal of it, but Hanson, despite being a Corman protege, takes this silliness seriously in the all wrong ways. Next!
Homicide (rw? I think I saw most of this on TV one time) Homicide centers around the conflicted loyalties of a Jewish cop. It opens with the Jewish cop and his white gentile partner taking over a case with a Black perp from some Black FBI agents. The media is making a big thing about the racial implications of the mostly white cops chasing down a Black man in a Black neighborhood. And inside of 15 minutes the FBI agent is calling the lead a k*ke and the gentile cop is calling the FBI agent a f****t and there's all kinds of invective for Black people. The film is announcing its intentions out the gate: this movie is about race. But the issue here is David Mamet doesn't care about race as anything other than a dramatic device. He's the Ubisoft of filmmakers, having no coherent perspective on social issues but expecting accolades for even bringing them up. Mamet is Jewish (though lead actor Joe Mantegna definitely is not) but what is his position on the Jewish diaspora? The whole deal is Mantegna gets stuck with a petty homicide case instead of the big one they just pinched from the Feds, where a Jewish candy shop owner gets shot in what looks like a stickup. Her family tries to appeal to his Jewishness to get him to take the case seriously, and, after giving them the brush-off for a long time, finally starts following through out of guilt, finding bits and pieces of what may or may not be a conspiracy, with Zionist gun runners and underground neo-Nazis. But, again: all of these are just dramatic devices. Mantegna's Jewishness (those words will never not sound ridiculous together) has always been a liability for him as a cop (we are told, not shown), and taking the case seriously is a reclamation of identity. The Jews he finds community with sold tommyguns to revolutionaries during the founding of Israel. These Jews end up blackmailing him to get a document from the evidence room. So: what is the film's position on placing stock in one's Jewish identity? What is its position on Israel? What is its opinion on Palestine? Because all three come up! And the answer is: Mamet doesn't care. You can read it a lot of different ways. Someone with more context and more patience than me could probably deduce what the de facto message is, the way Chris Franklin deduced the de facto message of Far Cry V despite the game's efforts not to have one, but I'm not going to. Mantegna's attempt to reconnect with his Jewishness gets his partner killed, gets the guy he was supposed to bring in alive shot dead, gets him possibly permanent injuries, gets him on camera blowing up a store that's a front for white nationalists, and all for nothing because the "clues" he found (pretty much exclusively by coincidence) were unconnected nothings. The problem is either his Jewishness, or his lifelong failure to connect with his Jewishness until late in life. Mamet doesn't give a shit. (Like, Mamet canonically doesn't give a shit: he is on record saying social context is meaningless, characters only exist to serve the plot, and there are no deeper meanings in fiction.) Mamet's ping-pong dialogue is fun, as always, and there are some neat ideas and characters, but it's all in service of a big nothing that needed to be a something to work.
Swoon So much I could talk about, let's keep it to the most interesting bits. Hommes Fatales: a thing about classic noir that it was fascinated by the marginal but had to keep it in the margins. Liberated women, queer-coded killers, Black jazz players, broke thieves; they were the main event, they were what audiences wanted to see, they were what made the movies fun. But the ending always had to reassert straightlaced straight, white, middle-class male society as unshakeable. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy demanded, both ideologically and via the Hays Code, that anyone outside these norms be punished, reformed, or dead by the movie's end. The only way to make them the heroes was to play their deaths for tragedy. It is unsurprising that neo-noir would take the queer-coded villains and make them the protagonists. Implicature: This is the story of Leopold and Loeb, murderers famous for being queer, and what's interesting is how the queerness in the first half exists entirely outside of language. Like, it's kind of amazing for a movie from 1992 to be this gay - we watch Nathan and Dickie kiss, undress, masturbate, fuck; hell, they wear wedding rings when they're alone together. But it's never verbalized. Sex is referred to as "your reward" or "what you wanted" or "best time." Dickie says he's going to have "the girls over," and it turns out "the girls" are a bunch of drag queens, but this is never acknowledged. Nathan at one point lists off a bunch of famous men - Oscar Wild, E.M. Forster, Frederick the Great - but, though the commonality between them is obvious (they were all gay), it's left the the audience to recognize it. When their queerness is finally verbalized in the second half, it's first in the language of pathology - a psychiatrist describing their "perversions" and "misuse" of their "organs" before the court, which has to be cleared of women because it's so inappropriate - and then with slurs from the man who murders Dickie in jail (a murder which is written off with no investigation because the victim is a gay prisoner instead of a L&L's victim, a child of a wealthy family). I don't know if I'd have noticed this if I hadn't read Chip Delany describing his experience as a gay man in the 50's existing almost entirely outside of language, the only language at the time being that of heteronormativity. Murder as Love Story: L&L exchange sex as payment for the other commiting crimes; it's foreplay. Their statements to the police where they disagree over who's to blame is a lover's quarrel. Their sentencing is a marriage. Nathan performs his own funeral rites over Dickie's body after he dies on the operating table. They are, in their way, together til death did they part. This is the relationship they can have. That it does all this without romanticizing the murder itself or valorizing L&L as humans is frankly incredible.
Suture (rw) The pitch: at the funeral for his father, wealthy Vincent Towers meets his long lost half brother Clay Arlington. It is implied Clay is a child from out of wedlock, possibly an affair; no one knows Vincent has a half-brother but him and Clay. Vincent invites Clay out to his fancy-ass home in Arizona. Thing is, Vincent is suspected (correctly) by the police of having murdered his father, and, due to a striking family resemblence, he's brought Clay to his home to fake his own death. He finagles Clay into wearing his clothes and driving his car, and then blows the car up and flees the state, leaving the cops to think him dead. Thing is, Clay survives, but with amnesia. The doctors tell him he's Vincent, and he has no reason to disagree. Any discrepancy in the way he looks is dismissed as the result of reconstructive surgery after the explosion. So Clay Arlington resumes Vincent Towers' life, without knowing Clay Arlington even exists. The twist: Clay and Vincent are both white, but Vincent is played by Michael Harris, a white actor, and Clay is played by Dennis Haysbert, a Black actor. "Ian, if there's just the two of them, how do you know it's not Harris playing a Black character?" Glad you asked! It is most explicitly obvious during a scene where Vincent/Clay's surgeon-cum-girlfriend essentially bringing up phrenology to explain how Vincent/Clay couldn't possibly have murdered his father, describing straight hair, thin lips, and a Greco-Roman nose Haysbert very clearly doesn't have. But, let's be honest: we knew well beforehand that the rich-as-fuck asshole living in a huge, modern house and living it up in Arizona high society was white. Though Clay is, canonically, white, he lives an poor and underprivileged life common to Black men in America. Though the film's title officially refers to the many stitches holding Vincent/Clay's face together after the accident, "suture" is a film theory term, referring to the way a film audience gets wrapped up - sutured - in the world of the movie, choosing to forget the outside world and pretend the story is real. The usage is ironic, because the audience cannot be sutured in; we cannot, and are not expected to, suspend our disbelief that Clay is white. We are deliberately distanced. Consequently this is a movie to be thought about, not to to be felt. It has the shape of a Hitchcockian thriller but it can't evoke the emotions of one. You can see the scaffolding - "ah, yes, this is the part of a thriller where one man hides while another stalks him with a gun, clever." I feel ill-suited to comment on what the filmmakers are saying about race. I could venture a guess about the ending, where the psychiatrist, the only one who knows the truth about Clay, says he can never truly be happy living the lie of being Vincent Towers, while we see photographs of Clay/Vincent seemingly living an extremely happy life: society says white men simply belong at the top more than Black men do, but, if the roles could be reversed, the latter would slot in seamlessly. Maybe??? Of all the movies in this collection, this is the one I'd most want to read an essay on (followed by Swoon).
The Last Seduction (dnrw) No, no, no, I am not rewataching this piece of shit movie.
Brick (rw) Here's my weird contention: Brick is in color and in widescreen, but, besides that? There's nothing neo- about this noir. There's no swearing except "hell." (I always thought Tug said "goddamn" at one point but, no, he's calling The Pin "gothed-up.") There's a lot of discussion of sex, but always through implication, and the only deleted scene is the one that removed ambiguity about what Brendan and Laura get up to after kissing. There's nothing postmodern or subversive - yes, the hook is it's set in high school, but the big twist is that it takes this very seriously. It mines it for jokes, yes, but the drama is authentic. In fact, making the gumshoe a high school student, his jadedness an obvious front, still too young to be as hard as he tries to be, just makes the drama hit harder. Sam Spade if Sam Spade were allowed to cry. I've always found it an interesting counterpoint to The Good German, a movie that fastidiously mimics the aesthetics of classic noir - down to even using period-appropriate sound recording - but is wholly neo- in construction. Brick could get approved by the Hays Code. Its vibe, its plot about a detective playing a bunch of criminals against each other, even its slang ("bulls," "yegg," "flopped") are all taken directly from Hammett. It's not even stealing from noir, it's stealing from what noir stole from! It's a perfect curtain call for the collection: the final film is both the most contemporary and the most classic. It's also - but for the strong case you could make for Night Moves - the best movie on the list. It's even more appropriate for me, personally: this was where it all started for me and noir. I saw this in theaters when it came out and loved it. It was probably my favorite movie for some time. It gave me a taste for pulpy crime movies which I only, years later, realized were neo-noir. This is why I looked into Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and In Bruges. I've seen it more times than any film on this list, by a factor of at least 3. It's why I will always adore Rian Johnson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It's the best-looking half-million-dollar movie I've ever seen. (Indie filmmakers, take fucking notes.) I even did a script analysis of this, and, yes, it follows the formula, but so tightly and with so much style. Did you notice that he says several of the sequence tensions out loud? ("I just want to find her." "Show of hands.") I notice new things each time I see it - this time it was how "brushing Brendan's hair out of his face" is Em's move, making him look more like he does in the flashback, and how Laura does the same to him as she's seducing him, in the moment when he misses Em the hardest. It isn't perfect. It's recreated noir so faithfully that the Innocent Girl dies, the Femme Fatale uses intimacy as a weapon, and none of the women ever appear in a scene together. 1940's gender politics maybe don't need to be revisited. They say be critical of the media you love, and it applies here most of all: it is a real criticism of something I love immensely.
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embraceyourdestiny · 2 years
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Men playing chess together is gay. “Checkmate”? You mean you’re checking if he’s your mate? Gay.
#og
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