#'are our foundations destined to keep crumbling'

[silas-is-sleepy]

Hear me out,,,, byler plus helium by glass animals

Just me?

Yea just me

[sheeple]

Miracles don't exist | 21: Bliss

Genre(s): Riddle!reader / Slytherin!reader / kinda slowburn / little happy moments Fandom(s): Harry Potter Pairing(s): Theodore Nott x Reader / Harry Potter x Riddle!reader Summary: Being the Dark Lord's daughter and raised under the strict supervision of the Malfoy's is no easy life. Especially if you start crushing on your father's arch-nemesis, Harry Potter. And that while being engaged to one of his follower’s sons. Warning(s): Who's ready for another year of how knows what! A/n: Because it's my birthday today and I'm turning 21, I'm posting chapter 21 a couple days early! Whoop whoop! And as a bonus, chapter 22 will be posted this Sunday :) [Masterlist] [Mini masterlist] [Playlist]

A laugh bubbles from eight-year-old you as you get chased by Draco with a frog around a tree. Draco and you just secretly finished a Muggle story named The Princess and The Frog. The both of you did it secretly, in the furthermost corner of the attic. 

When Draco, later on, spotted a frog hopping around, he grabbed it and now he is chasing you. Draco sees what you're doing and cuts around the tree. He manages to corner you and press the slimy creature in your face.

"Now you kiss it. Go on, cousin! Kiss your prince!" He has a bright smile on his face, one of his front teeth missing.

Suddenly, a loud and thunderous voice makes Draco drop the poor creature and both of you tense up. "DRACO! Y/N! What did I tell you?" Uncle Lucius comes storming out of the manor, his nostrils flared.

"Children should be seen, not heard", the two of you say in unison, eyes cast to the ground. 

He gives the two of you one last stern look before returning back inside, slamming the door behind him. You and Draco look at each other before giggling and running off again to play with something else.

"Are you coming?"

Your attention gets pulled from the memory that seems so long ago. You shift your gaze from a miserable-looking Draco across Platform 9¾ to Theodore's outstretched hand. He gives you a reassuring smile and you nod. He pulls you into one of the floo network fireplaces at calls out a destination you're not familiar with. When you emerge, you're in a small cottage-like building with a couple of benches.

"We don't have our fireplace connected to the Floo network because-Father and I haven't been here since... Mother died."

It makes you look at the dark-haired boy with wide eyes. "We don't have to... We- we can stay anywhere else. I'm sure if- I can ask Sirius nicely to stay with him?" Unknowingly, you've grabbed his wrist to stop him from traversing up the hill along a dirt road.

He smiles at you softly, laying a hand on your cheek and kissing the top of your head. "I've had many happy memories here and I want to make even more with you."

Theo leaves you speechless while you follow after him. Your hand still secured in his, you stumble upon crumbled ruins on the edge of a cliff that drops into the sea. What once was a stately home is now nothing more than outer walls and the foundation of the main building.

You turn towards Theo with raises eyebrows, asking wordlessly if he is sure this is it. He laughs and shakes his head.

"The magic makes it look old and rundown, keeps the Muggles away. But if you tap your wand against this stone like...", Theo fetches his wand from the inside pocket of his coat and taps twice against a non-distinct stone, the crumbling stones transform.

A gasp leaves your lips as a beautiful land house with a sprawling garden is in place of the ruins. Theo smiles as he leads you towards the double doors, your luggage already stacked neatly in the entrance.

The house is dark with wooden flooring and black wallpaper, but it's not creepy or stuffy. It's homey. It feels like home. 

Theo leads you through the entirety of the house — the kitchen with the giant cauldron, a cramped dining room with more stuff to look at than eyes, the living room with a large fireplace and comfy chairs and couch where you see yourself spending your time with a good book, and the multi-floor tower that hosts a small library and home office.

"And at last", begins Theo as he swings open a door to a bedroom, "your sleeping quarters, madam." A large bed and a wardrobe fill the majority of the space. Under a wide window is a chaise in the perfect spot in the sun.

"My room is over there." He points to the door directly across from your bedroom. 

Something inside of you slightly deflates. You didn't expect anything, but you've hoped to... share a bed with Theo. Why, you don't know. But you just assumed.

"Great", you say with a smile, it not quite reaching your eyes, "I'll unpack and see what we can do about dinner."

And when you've done so, you discover that there is only a loaf of mouldy, sagged-into-a-pile bread. Which isn't that weird as the house has been inhabited for many years. You give Theo a look of disgust and the two of you decide to make the short walk to the town.

It's a fairly sized town, getting most of its money from fishing. It has multiple shops, pubs and a supermarket. There is even a small brasserie going on in the town's square. You excitedly hit Theo's arm and point towards the stalls.

"When we've done our groceries, we'll go", he promises with a smile.

He pushes the shopping cart as he lets you lead around the supermarket. The two of you discuss back and forth about necessities and dinner plans for the foreseeable future and when you have to go back into town to replenish the groceries.

"Most food is probably good for a week- not counting the canned soups and frozen food", you argue, standing on the other end of the cart and holding onto the metal. "And if we do it every week, we can spread out the money better."

Theo purses his lips, scratching his forehead. With a huff, he agrees, "I guess you're right."

You giggle and lean forward. "I'm always right."

The dark-haired boy shakes his head with a shake of his head and the two of you resume your way through the supermarket. He watches as you smile and make small talk with the cashier, something about staying just outside the village for the summer.

"I wonder sometimes why you weren't placed in Hufflepuff", says Theo as you and he walk over the small market in the town's square. He insists on carrying the grocery bag but he sort of regrets it as the weight of it starts to hurt his fingers.

"Because I'm the heir of Slytherin. My great grandfather many times removed ghost would personally strangle the Sorting Hat if that did happen." You casually wave the thought away as you browse over the contents of a stall.

"But you're so... nice."

That makes you laugh. "Slytherin's are nice."

Theo turns towards you, his eyes sad. "You're nice. The lot of us are just a bunch of twats. You've got every reason to be the most awful of them all. But, here you are, the embodiment of a good person."

His words make heat creep up your neck and your cheeks burn bright. You meet his eyes and you look away quickly. 

"You're not so bad yourself."

You bury your toes in the sand as you sit on the small privet beach. The air smells deliciously like salt and the sun dances on your shoulders. Theo is diving around, his feed peeking out from the water. When he comes up again he holds up a big rock proudly.

"That's a very pretty rock, Theo!", you call out with a teasing smile on your face. 

He flips his hair out of his face as he walks towards you. "Are you patronizing me?", he asks in faux hurt.

You sit up straighter and hold up a hand to shield your eyes from the sun, looking up a Theo. "What? No! It is a really pretty rock!"

You laugh as he drops the rock — next to the others he has fished out of the sea — and leans over you to shake the water out of his hair. You squeal and hold up both hands to protect yourself from the cold seawater. 

Theo grabs your middle and pulls you off the towel, towards the sea. You squirm in his hold, crying out in laughter as his cold chest presses against your back. The two of you laugh and scream as he chases you around.

He manages to catch you when you fall on the ground, Theo on top of you. Your chests heave as the both of you smile and giggle. He reaches out a hand to brush against your cheek, cupping it.

Everything slows down as he lowers his head, his eyes fluttering close. Your hands rest on his shoulders. You blink slowly and just as you want to press your lips against his, a figure appears in the corner of your eye.

You turn your head to the side and your eyes grow wide. "Aunt Cissy?"

Taglist (bold if I couldn't tag you): @the0doreslover @lqndkxlmqma @st4rrry  @choppedpartymuffinwinner @ledtassoo @literallyobessed @lestat-whore​ @vanishingcherry @harrysnovia @pietrobae @ireallywannasleep127 @yeolsbubbles @fruityfrog505 @fluffybunnyu @theroyalmanatee @shinrjj @hegdus @kermits-bitch @m1kasawps @noah-uhhh-what @mypolicemanharryyy @fals3-g0d @decapitated-coffee @thatgirljas13 @slytherinambitious @mythicalamphitrite @mastermindmiko

[fefairys]

i had a dream last night that i decided to write up into something of a short story? lmk what you think because i'm not sure what to make of it! cw for fairly graphic descriptions of death, vomit, and mentions of animal death.

Screams ring out around me as everyone hits the deck, the melodic sound of glass shattering as the dragon's verdant wing slices through the building without a thought. I wonder if it knows what it's doing. The damage it's causing. Or if we're just inconsequential to it. If the house is just foliage brushing against its wing as it makes its way to its next destination. 

"Our kid is on 45th avenue," Paul points out as everyone around me begins cautiously standing back up and assessing the damage.

"She's fine," Tom assures him, "I'm sure she's fine. She has to be." I imagine, for a moment, the bodies of their infant daughter and her babysitters, mangled amongst the wreckage of the apartment building that the dragon brought down minutes ago. I'm still lying on the ground surrounded by shards of glass. I can feel something wet dripping onto my back and wonder for a moment if it's blood, but I feel no pain. I look up and realize a pipe has burst a few feet away. The sound of rushing water hits my ears late, once the ringing from the initial crash fades. 

I hear the flapping of wings overhead and start standing up slowly, brushing aside the broken glass before planting my hands on the ground. Above us, the dragon snakes through the sky, it's emerald serpentine body reminds me of ribbons waved by the color guard at school. It circles back around, and swoops down on us again. I stumble as the force of it shakes the foundation of the house, but keep my feet planted firmly. Beside me, Camilla tips over and lets out a cry as broken glass breaks her fall. 

"NO!" I hear Shirley shriek from the kitchen, which by now is just a few crumbling walls. I run towards her voice and Camilla follows me even though I wish she didn't. Shirley is holding onto the turkey she'd prepared for us all for dear life as the dragon tries to take it from her. It's head is about twice the size of the bird. Shirley kicks aimlessly, gritting her teeth, screaming at the dragon to let it go. Is she crazy? I want to scream at her to drop it, it's just a turkey for fucks sake, but my voice has left me and all I can do is stand there frozen and watch.

With one yank of the dragons head, an awful, squelching rip is heard as it wins over the turkey, as well as the upper half of Shirley, in an explosion of red. My eyes automatically pan over to her young son a few feet away from her, who immediately collapses on the ground, covering his face and shaking. I glance over at Camilla. She's as frozen in place as I am. 

I look back and Shirley is completely gone, eaten by the dragon. I blink and her son has been teleported to where she once stood in a haze of purple and black smoke, his arms held out like he's being crucified. I can do nothing but watch as, starting from his feet, he begins to disintegrate, his body burning like a cigarette. A bright halo of orange crawls up his torso, leaving ash in its wake. He doesn't make a sound. The smell of barbeque fills my nostrils and my eyes begin to water. 

Paul is eaten next, without as much fanfare as Shirley. He screams as the dragon swallows him whole. Tom falls to his knees and cries out, a broken, inhuman screech, as he watches his husband be devoured. He convulses a few times before a sudden fountain of vomit bursts from his throat, spraying the cracked tile beneath him. His body splits in two, as if divided by the pressure of his regurgitation, and then, just as Shirley's son, the two halves of him burn up, leaving behind piles of ash, and purple and black smoke. 

I look back at Camilla. Her mouth is agape and tears have formed in her eyes. 

Then, for the first time, I hear the dragon speak. "I devour the bodies of the angels, and those most affected by their deaths must be erased," it says, its voice impossibly deep and gravelly. Suddenly, I find myself in the air, held in the dragon's talons. I don't scream. I am not afraid. "You, child... The non-offender... Even your own parents deaths did not affect you. Nor the lives of your many beloved pets. Where do you think they are now?"

"With you, I suppose," I answer without thinking. 

"Most of them," the dragon confirms, as out of thin air, about a dozen spectral black boxes all stacked on top of each other appear in front of me, their lids just barely lifting to show off the souls of my loved ones. I'm able to make out the tail of my snake, the ears of my cat, and the nose of my dog, before they all disappear again. 

"Did you not love these creatures?" the dragon asks, "Where is your heartache?"

"I don't know," I answer honestly. 

As I'm flown away, I hear the screams of those still alive on the ground, shouting my name. Camilla screeches, "GIVE HIM BACK!" I feel safe, though. The wind on my face feels quite nice, and the dragon has already implied that I won't be killed. 

I don't ask where we're going as the dragon carries me off. Instead, I ponder its question, as I have many times before. Where is my grief, my heartache? Does it dwell somewhere in my subconscious, untapped? Or does it simply not exist? 

I think of my favorite cat. She loved me, and I took care of her. Every day after school, she would run up to me with a purring meow and rub herself against my shins. She'd keep me company while I did homework, while I did the dishes, while I slept. In return I would feed her, give her water, shelter, my affection. I loved her, I suppose. 

When I found her curled up dead under the porch, I felt the same frustration I would feel upon dropping a glass full of something thick and sticky, difficult to clean up. A heaviness on my shoulders and a fog over my mind as I stared at the mess, knowing I was going to have to figure out how to dispose of it. 

I realize with a start that the dragon has brought me to the rubble of my childhood home. It sets me down in the room I used to sleep in and flies away, the flapping of its wings almost knocking me over. My old bed is covered in dirt and dust from the crumbling drywall. I walk into the remnants of the kitchen, where I found them. My parents had been lying there, jagged teeth marks littering their torsos, chests slowly rising and falling as those awful noises gurgled from their throats. My mother reached out to me with tears in her eyes and I walked away. 

I knew I could help but I just walked away. I didn't want to be caught killing them! I didn't want to be caught killing them! I wasn't, but that's what it felt like. It felt easier to run away! What's wrong with me! I want to be better! I want to care! Why can't I care?

The dragon reappears from the sky, repeating my thoughts back to me in a mocking tone as it swoops down, it's maw stretching open as it approaches me, a seemingly endless black abyss down its throat. I shield myself with my arms out of pure instinct as the heat of its breath becomes apparent on my face.

[hiddentrails7]

Assigning the FFVII party all a Glass Animal song (mostly based off vibes) bc they're one of my favorite bands + one of my favorite game casts <3

Cloud "Needs Ibuprofen" Strife- Youth

“I want you to be happy

Free to run, get dizzy on caffeine

Funny friends that make you laugh

And maybe you're just a little bit dappy

Fly

Feel your mother at your side

Don't you know you got my eyes?

I'll make you fly

You'll be happy all the time

I know you can make it right”

Tifa "Just Wants Someone To Support HER For Once" Lockhart- Pools

“We float before the sea at dusk

In heavy mist, in glitter dust

I smile before I want to

I smile because you want to

We sip the wind through lips of lust

And out it comes, warm wisps of love

I smile because I want to

I smile because you want to"

Aerith "May Have A Folding Chair" Gainsborough- Helium

“My momma said their used to be white pyramids

They float above the sand they're slowly sinking in

Are our foundations destined to keep crumbling

Just 'cause we started this with zero innocence?”

Barret "Dad Of The Year" Wallace- Agnes

“Agnes, just stop and think a minute

Why don't you light that cigarette and

Calm down now stop and breathe a second

Go back to the very beginning

Can't you see what was different then?

You were just popping Percocet

Maybe just four a week at best

Maybe a smoke to clear the head”

Nanaki "Goodest Boy" aka Red XIII - Solar Power

“I hate the winter, can't stand the cold

I tend to cancel all the plans

But when the heat comes, something takes a hold

Can I kick it? Yeah, I can”

Cait "Just A Little Guy" Sith- Walla Walla

“I bet I can make you smile

In the pools of moonlight

Watch this little trick of mine

Say with me this tiny rhyme”

(Bonus) Reeve "Tumblr Sexyman Contender" Tuesti- Cocoa Hooves

“Come on you hermit

You never fight back

Why don't you play with bows and arrows?

Why don't you dance like

You're sick in your mind?

Why don't you set your wings on fire?”

Vincent "Barbie Girl Waist" Valentine- The Other Side of Paradise

“Bye bye baby blue

I wish you could see the wicked truth

Caught up in a rush, it's killing you

Screaming at the sun, you blow into

Curled up in a grip when we were us

Fingers in a fist like you might run

I settle for a ghost I never knew

Superparadise I held on to

But I settle for a ghost”

Cid "!&#%?^@" Highwind- Hot Sugar

“So cool but we don't talk

Hotels and alcohol

Pool paintings on the wall

Hot rubber on the tar”

[largepeachicedtea]

are our foundations destined to keep crumbling just 'cause we started this with zero innocence?

[macfrog]

ahhhh. joel and reader from cowboy like me are giving helium by glass animal vibes. especially these lines:

“ooh, and i’m falling now but it’s so wrong, you talk like a man and taste like the sun”

“i guess i want you more than i thought i did, now that i know that part of you’d not part of this”

“are our foundations destined to keep crumbling, just cause we started this with zero innocence”

but also just the whole song in general.

y’all stay sending me the best songs. impeccable taste. we love glass animals in this house. adds to clm playlist

[americannori]

Are our foundations destined to keep crumbling

Just 'cause we started this with zero innocence?

[fortunatelygreatlady]

A Child’s Woe

(Memoir)

          “Finish your studies” my mother said. Growing up in a small town in Sta. Cruz Baybay was a simple and idyllic existence. A couple looked after my uncle’s field and grew wheat for survival. My parents provided for our family of almost a dozen with the sweat of their brows and the soil of their fields. As a maturing fifth child, a mountain was beneath my feet following the shadow across the river of my mind/ I had my own little world to explore, full of wonder and imagination. Insufficiency of parental support is crucial for overall growth and my development as a child for this can impact my mental health, social skills and emotional well being. If I feel emotionally supported, it’s like having a soft cushion that helps me bounce back from life’s challenges, allowing me to develop healthy emotional regulation skills soar with higher self-esteem.

First, just like a tower in a mountain standing tall on a rocky cliff unwavering and vigilant; this provides me with a strong foundation by instilling education from an early age. My journey as a child was marred by bad weather filled with pressure to achieve my own sparkling milestones. Each step was like a jewel in the crown of knowledge. Each challenge is like a precious gem to be conquered. The thrill of learning along the way is like a sunlit vista, with endless probability of mine. However, the pursuit of myself was a tumultuous voyage, fraught with stormy seas and treacherous uncertainty. My journey was riddled with pitfalls and stumbling blocks, hindering progress and causing setbacks. Weight of expectations felt like a heavy burden, pressing down with overwhelming pressure. My once clear path was obscured by foggy doubts and fears, making it difficult to navigate towards the designed destination. Despite the struggle in mind there was a glimmer of hope, a flickering light in the midst of a storm.

When my mental health started struggling way back in 2020 during Covid-19 , it felt like I'm in a dark and endless tunnel. I can't see the light at the end, and I feel trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions. It's like a weight on my chest, making it hard to breathe and move forward. I often feel drowning in my own thoughts, unable to come up for air. Being stuck in a stormy sea, with no raft or life jacket to keep me afloat. The waves keep crashing over me, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. On bad days, it feels like I'm trapped in a small box with no air or light. I feel suffocated and helpless, unable to escape my own mind. A nightmare that I can't wake up from, no matter how hard I try. There are times it can also affect my physical health. I feel exhausted and drained, like I have no energy left to get through the day. Trying to run a marathon with a broken leg - I can push myself, but it's painful and unsustainable. . And every time I think I've found a way forward, the path crumbles beneath my feet and I'm back where I started.

Second, when I have a lack of social skills, it's like being a fish out of water. Feeling out of place and awkward, unable to navigate the social waters around me. Trying to speak a foreign language that I don't understand, I can't connect with others or express myself in the way I want to. A wall that separates me from others. I want to connect with people, but I can't seem to break through the barrier that keeps us apart. And the longer I stand on the other side of the wall, the more isolated and lonely I feel. Trying to dance without knowing the steps. Clumsy and self-conscious, worried that I'll make a mistake or embarrass myself in front of others. And the more I worry, the more I stumble and fall. On bad days, it's like being invisible. I want to be seen and heard, but no one seems to notice me. It's like I'm speaking into a void, and no one is listening or responding. And the more I try to get attention, the more I feel ignored and invisible. Lastly, when my well-being is suffering and  being lost in a dense fog. I can't see where I'm going, and everything around me feels hazy and uncertain. Stumbling through the darkness, hoping to find my way but never quite getting there. My body feels like a house of cards, with each card precariously balanced on top of the next. A single gust of wind could knock it all down, leaving me vulnerable and exposed. And the more I try to hold it together, the more I feel like I'm on the brink of collapse. My mind is a stormy sea, with waves that crash and toss me around. Trapped in a small boat, with no way to steer or control my course. The longer I'm adrift, the more helpless and overwhelmed I feel.

On bad days, it's like being trapped in a maze, with no clear path out. Every turn I take leads to a dead end, and every step I take feels like a wasted effort. It's like I'm running in circles, never quite reaching my destination. My body feels like a car with a flat tire, dragging along and unable to pick up speed. It's as if I'm constantly running on empty, with no fuel to keep me going.And the more I push myself, the more I feel like I'm going to break down. My mind has this  tangled ball of yarn, with thoughts and worries that knot together and refuse to unravel. I'm stuck in a mental loop, unable to break free from the same patterns of negative thinking. And the longer I stay stuck, the more I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality.

Overall, the negative impact of mental health can be overwhelming and isolating. It can make me feel like I'm alone in a dark and scary place, with no hope for escape. But with the right support and resources, I know that I can find my way back to the light and start to heal. Having a lack of social skills can be like being a fish out of water or speaking a foreign language. It can feel like a wall that separates me from others, or like trying to dance without knowing the steps. And on bad days, it can feel like I'm invisible, speaking into a void with no response. But with the right support and resources, I know that I can learn to swim in the social waters and find my place in the world. Negative well-being can be like being lost in a dense fog, a house of cards, a stormy sea, or a maze. It can leave me feeling uncertain, vulnerable, overwhelmed, and stuck. But with the right tools and support,  I know that I can find my way out of the fog, steady my house of cards, calm the stormy sea, and navigate the maze to find my way to a place of greater well-being.

[innerworkingofbrain]

A Child's Woe

A Child’s Woe

“Finish your studies” my mother said. Growing up in a small town in Sta. Cruz Baybay was a simple and idyllic existence. A couple looked after my uncle’s field and grew wheat for survival. My parents provided for our family of almost a dozen with the sweat of their brows and the soil of their fields. As a maturing fifth child, a mountain was beneath my feet following the shadow across the river of my mind I had my own little world to explore, full of wonder and imagination. Insufficiency of parental support is crucial for overall growth and my development as a child for this can impact my mental health, social skills and emotional well being. If I feel emotionally supported, it’s like having a soft cushion that helps me bounce back from life’s challenges, allowing me to develop healthy emotional regulation skills soar with higher self-esteem.

First, just like a tower in a mountain standing tall on a rocky cliff unwavering and vigilant; this provided me with a strong foundation by instilling education from an early age. My journey as a child was  marred by bad weather filled with pressure to achieve my own sparkling milestones. Each step was a jewel in the crown of knowledge. Each challenge was like a precious gem to be conquered. The thrill of learning along the way  was a sunlit vista, with endless probability of mine. However, the pursuit of myself was like tumultuous voyage, fraught with stormy seas and treacherous uncertainty. My journey was riddled with pitfalls and stumbling blocks, hindering progress and causing setbacks. Weight of expectations felt like a heavy burden, pressing down with overwhelming pressure. My once clear path was obscured by foggy doubts and fears, making it difficult to navigate towards the designed destination. Despite the struggle in mind there was a glimmer of hope, a flickering light in the midst of a storm. When my mental health started struggling way back in 2020 during Covid-19 , there was a dark and endless tunnel. I can't see the light at the end, and being trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions. The weight on my chest, making it hard to breathe and move forward. I often feel drowning in my own thoughts, unable to come up for air. Being stuck in a stormy sea, with no raft or life jacket to keep me afloat. The waves keep crashing over me, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. On bad days, it feels like I was trapped in a small box with no air or light. I feel suffocated and helpless, unable to escape my own mind. A nightmare that I could not wake up from, no matter how hard I tried. There were times it also affect my physical health. I was exhausted and drained, like I had no energy left to get through the day. Trying to run a marathon with a broken leg - I was able to push myself, but it's painful and unsustainable. . And I thought I have found a way forward, the path crumbles beneath my feet and I went back where I started.

Second, when I had a lack of social skills, it was like being a fish out of water. Feeling out of place and awkward, unable to navigate the social waters around me. Trying to speak a foreign language that I didn't understand, I couldn't connect with others or express myself in the way I want to. A wall that separates me from others. I wanted to connect with people, but I couldn't seem to break through the barrier that kept us apart. And the longer I stand on the other side of the wall, the more isolated and lonely I felt. Trying to dance without knowing the steps. Clumsy and self-conscious, worried that I would make a mistake or embarrass myself in front of others. The more I worry, the more I stumble and fall. On bad days, it's like being invisible. I wanted to be seen and heard, but no one seems to notice me. Like I was speaking into a void, and no one was listening or responding. And the more I tried to get attention, the more I felt ignored and invisible. 

Lastly, when my well-being was suffering and  being lost in a dense fog. I couldn't see where I was going, and everything around me felt hazy and uncertain. Stumbling through the darkness, hoping to find my way but never quite getting there. My body felt like a house of cards, with each card precariously balanced on top of the next. A single gust of wind could knock it all down, leaving me vulnerable and exposed. And the more I try to hold it together, the more I feel like I was on the brink of collapse. My mind was a stormy sea, with waves that crash and toss me around. Trapped in a small boat, with no way to steer or control my course. The longer I'm adrift, the more helpless and overwhelmed I feel. On bad days, it's like being trapped in a maze, with no clear path out. Every turn I take leads to a dead end, and every step I take was like a wasted effort. I'm running in circles, never quite reaching my destination. My body was like a car with a flat tire, dragging along and unable to pick up speed. It's as if I was constantly running on empty, with no fuel to keep me going. And the more I push myself, the more I feel like I was going to break down. My mind had this  tangled ball of yarn, with thoughts and worries that knot together and refuse to unravel. I was stuck in a mental loop, unable to break free from the same patterns of negative thinking. The longer I stay stuck, the more I feel like I was losing my grip on reality.

Overall, the negative impact of mental health can be overwhelming and isolating. It could make me feel like I was alone in a dark and scary place, with no hope for escape. But with the right support and resources, I know that I could find my way back to the light and start to heal. Having a lack of social skills can be like being a fish out of water or speaking a foreign language. It felt like a wall that separates me from others, or like trying to dance without knowing the steps. And on bad days, it could feel like I was invisible, speaking into a void with no response. But with the right support and resources, I know that I could learn to swim in the social waters and find my place in the world. Negative well-being could be like being lost in a dense fog, a house of cards, a stormy sea, or a maze. It can leave me feeling uncertain, vulnerable, overwhelmed, and stuck. But with the right tools and support, I know that I could find my way out of the fog, steady my house of cards, calm the stormy sea, and navigate the maze to find my way to a place of greater well-being.

[julybloom]

max's heart clenched at her words, the weight of their tangled emotions pressing down on him like a suffocating blanket. he had never anticipated the depth of their connection, the way their bond had woven itself into every aspect of his being, until it became impossible to distinguish where she ended and he began. but beneath the surface of their shared intimacy lurked a shadow of doubt, a nagging fear that threatened to unravel everything they had built together. he had grown accustomed to the warmth of her presence, to the way she fit perfectly against his side in the dim light of dawn. yet, with each passing day, the certainty of their future grew more uncertain, like a sandcastle crumbling beneath the relentless tide. as she turned to face him, her eyes wide with desperation, he felt a lump form in his throat, choking back the words he knew he could never say. he wanted to believe her promises, to cling to the hope that their love could defy the odds stacked against them. but deep down, he knew the truth, knew that their affair was built on shaky foundations, destined to crumble beneath the weight of their unspoken desires. "i wish we could," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. ''but you know we can't keep living like this, pretending that everything's okay when it's not." his words hung heavy in the air, a stark reminder of the reality they could no longer ignore. "i don't want to lose you either," he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. "but we can't keep fooling ourselves into thinking that this is enough, that we can just sweep our feelings under the rug and pretend they don't exist." he reached out, his fingers brushing against her cheek in a gentle caress. "i love you," he whispered, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. "but love isn't enough to make this right, not when we're both drowning in our own fears and insecurities." as he watched her gaze search his for some semblance of reassurance, he felt the weight of their shared pain settle like a heavy stone in the pit of his stomach. "i'm sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion. "but i can't keep pretending that everything's okay when it's not."

                   they   had   slipped   into   a   familiar   routine   ,   finding   solace   in   the   shared   comfort   of   intoxication   and   each   other’s   embrace   .   his   sheets   held   their   secrets   ,   and   in   the   darkness   of   night   ,   they   bared   their   souls   .   she   had   grown   accustomed   to   the   warmth   of   his   bed   ,   unable   to   sleep   without   the   haze   of   alcohol   enveloping   her   in   his   arms   .   despite   the   undeniable   allure   of   their   forbidden   connection   ,   she   knew   they   were   treading   on   dangerous   ground   ,   walking   a   path   they   could   never   retreat   from   .   yet   ,   the   depth   of   her   feelings   for   him   outweighed   the   fear   of   consequences   ,   even   if   she   lacked   the   courage   to   voice   them   sober   .   every   morning   brought   a   renewed   battle   within   her   ,   the   fear   of   losing   him   once   their   affair   reached   its   inevitable   end   .   their   friendship   was   the   cornerstone   of   her   existence   ,   and   the   mere   thought   of   its   demise   sent   tremors   of   dread   through   her   soul   .   as   they   lay   in   silence   ,   she   felt   his   gaze   upon   her   ,   though   she   dared   not   meet   it   ,   dreading   the   possibility   of   his   departure   .   the   fear   gnawed   at   her   ,   the   nagging   doubt   that   she   was   merely   a   temporary   distraction   ,   easily   replaced   once   their   sexual   relationship   grew   stale   .   when   he   finally   spoke   ,   she   turned   to   face   him   ,   a   plea   forming   on   her   lips   .   “   can’t   we   just   pretend   for   a   little   while   longer   ?   ”   she   begged   ,   her   desperation   apparent   in   the   air   .   “   you   won’t   lose   me   .   i   promise   ,   i’m   here   for   the   long   haul   ,   ”   she   asserted   ,   her   voice   trembling   with   uncertainty   as   she   searched   his   eyes   for   the   reassurance   she   so   desperately   craved   .

[ruinikaidoexplodedbadly]

i’m seconding that anon i really like helium as a bookend for dreamland even if i think they have better albums. are our foundations destined to keep crumbling just cause we started this with zero innocence and so on and so forth

that sounds interesting i suppose ill actually listen to the song then ~

[lokilickedme]

Just realized I have no concept of time anymore.  Like, at all.  Ever since we arrived we’ve been in a weirdly surreal maze of househunting, ranch tending, phone calls with realtors/bankers/loan agents/insurance agents/construction overseers, and just holing up watching the snow through the window in general, and I have no clue what day it is or even what part of the month we’re in.  I didn’t know today was Monday and I certainly didn’t know yesterday was Sunday.  The boys aren’t registered for their semester yet because we’re technically homeless and the program requires proof of residency in the state of enrollment, which we don’t have yet even though we’ve been here a couple of weeks (has it been longer than that?  Shorter?  Who knows) so in between tending to the animals and taking care of the main ranchhouse and keeping the kids alive and trying to set up house in a place of our own that isn’t finished being built yet, I’m in a perpetual state of Saturday.  Everything feels like a Saturday.  Nothing is real and it’s all happening on a Saturday.  Even husband’s job, which went from a 5-day week back home to a 3-day week here with 12-hour onsites and a stray floating 4-hour fill-in wherever he feels like putting it is just...messing my head up.  I have no internal clock anymore except for the one that screams IS IT SATURDAY?? constantly.

But -

The house is close to completed, though it seems like the crew has slowed down ever since the sale closed.  Note to self: go to construction site and show disapproval.  Also I talked the builder into throwing in some staging furniture because I sold everything we had and he just happened to have some in storage that he’d intended to put in the house anyway for prettying-up purposes on the sale listing.  Bonus.

I don’t know if I mentioned it in here or just told it to somebody in person (is it Saturday?  It feels like Saturday) but the first house we contracted to buy ended up being yanked out from under us at the last minute due to...issues.  A crumbling foundation, an illegal non-permit-acquired addition onto the structure, and nearly half a million in liens against the property due to the deceased previous owner’s bad habits (I’m guessing gambling but who the hell knows, dude died of covid before they could break his kneecaps) - you know, the usual shit that happens when you’re about to drop your life savings and your kids’ college money on a place to live.

That ended up leading us to something better, though.  Smaller town on the outskirts of our original destination, beautiful idyllic location, close to the ranch we’re currently tending, close to the boys’ grandmother, in an incredible tourist spot so all you travel-y folks have plenty of places to stay when you come to visit :)  This second house is new construction, which wasn’t anything we remotely required in our search, but happy accidents and all and it’s always nice being the first person to pee in a bathroom you’re going to be spending the next few years using.

And my god, the eclectic mix of hippies and cowboys here is astounding.  Every time I go in the grocery store I cross paths with at least a half dozen stoners so blissed out I worry about them finding their way back home.  It’s a legal state with dispensaries everywhere and I’ve never seen a group of residents jump so collectively onto a bandwagon like this.  It’s amusing until you get stuck in line behind a guy who’s been smoking all afternoon who’s trying to get the clerk to agree with him that the produce section definitely needs to stock car parts because somebody moved the NAPA store while he was getting a pack of Ho Ho’s and his jeep is sitting at the co-op with a flat tire.

This place is going to grow on me, but it’s definitely not the same place I lived in years ago.  When I lived here before I worked in an apple packing shed at an orchard, and that’s still there, but the other place I worked at that made coil resistors for spacecraft (I worked indirectly for NASA, which was cool) has packed up and moved operations to Mexico.  Husband worked at the newspaper in the print room when we first got married, and now that’s all gone online.  He works in the bioceramics division at a huge corp now, lathing segments for cybernetic prosthetics (that’s fancyspeak for robotic arms and legs).  The company also makes beer :)

But I digress, I guess.  It’s a beautiful place but the pay is shite just about everywhere, mainly because most of the people here are either wealthy travelers hitting the hot spots between Moab and Aspen or they’re wealthy Californians moving in with a few mil in their pockets from the sale of their houses in LA.  The locals are the only ones that need work, and the work doesn’t feel the need to pay a good wage even though a quarter mil will only buy a person a sub-standard fixer-upper on a 2-inch bit of land.  There are a grand total of 14 houses for sale in the valley with price tags under $300,000 and they’re snatched up before you can even click on the listing.  We got lucky, I was holding my phone in my hand when an under-construction house in our price range popped up - it had gone on the market literally one hour previous, the app had just that moment cycled it into the listings, and husband and I jumped in the car and drove out to look at it without even grabbing our coats.  We were sitting in front of the partially completed house when we called Husband’s realtor friend and told her to submit an offer on it and to make it fast.

The next day we were under contract :)

That was on a Saturday.

We’d spent two weeks trudging from listing to listing, trying to find something.  At the last two houses we’d looked at I had sat down on the steps and cried.  Ever since the first house had fallen through nothing had worked out for us, everything was too expensive, too wrecked, too expensive, too small, too expensive - and now, finally, the perfect place.

We’re real damn close to being home, finally.  We have approximately a month to go before our closing date.  Until then I’m content to drift in my eternal Saturday, waiting for the calendar to finally click over onto an actual weekday.  It’ll stop being Saturday and I’ll get my days sorted.  Something of a schedule will fall into place, maybe even a routine of sorts, though I’ve never been big on structuring my days.  Til then I’m sitting up here in this gigantic ranch house trying to figure out if that noise downstairs at 2 am means the place is haunted or is just JD the ranch guy messing around with the feed storage in the basement, playing Fallout 3 with Big, chasing Little up and down the stairs to tire his hyper ass out, tromping around in the snow doing various ranch-type chores in my new weather-appropriate boots, battling the blissbots (stoned mountain hippies) in the grocery store for the very meagerly-stocked frozen waffles and peanut butter, trolling the thrift shops for used furniture that I can’t buy yet, and drinking copious amounts of good local coffee in between the neverending phonecalls required to get us settled.

Until then, it’s always Saturday.

[sphinxluvduvwuv]

Here’s another moody music thing I made a while back lol. This one is actually the first one I made. I really love Helium by Glass Animals. This song honestly fits Sphinx and Alexa’s relationship so well. This constant back and forth, not knowing if they should even be together. These are the lyrics that really reminded me of Sphinx and Alexa’s relationship: “Broad daylight But we're sunflowers in the rain My momma said their used to be white pyramids They float above the sand they're slowly sinking in Are our foundations destined to keep crumbling Just 'cause we started this with zero innocence? I just can't build on something that begins like this It's a blood diamond, flawless but for that one thing” I guess I should explain a little about Broken Destiny and what it’s about huh? I do plan to post stuff here when it’s done. Honestly it’s kinda why i’m glad the whole twitter thing happened when it did. Sphinx is the hero, he was destined for greatness. A prophecy was made long before he existed saying that he would defeat the evil god Set and would bring peace to the world, and in the events of the game... we see exactly that.

Alexa is the villain, her destiny is to destroy Sphinx and bring chaos. A prophecy also existed before her birth about how she would be destined to kill Sphinx. Both of them were childhood best friends and had crushes on eachother as tweens even though both of them were too dumb to figure it out. After a tragedy that happened in another country while Alexa was visiting, Sphinx thought she was dead. Alexa had actually survived but was “taken in” by the evil god Set... He knew exactly who she was and what she was destined to become and he made sure she would be exactly what he needed her to be.

Neither Sphinx nor Alexa were born evil. It’s the roles that others impose on them that made them into who they later become. Eventually Alexa tries to get away but that’s after she does some really horrific stuff. She never realized that there was even an avenue to try and escape her destiny. Even still it brings strain on their relationship as friends. That’s basically a short explination only using bits and pieces from the story i’m working on. I’m not going to spoil to much as I do want to bring it to all of you in future.

[dennou-translations]

Violet Evergarden: Booklet 2

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases. In case anyone is feeling generous, please consider donating to my Ko-fi or PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

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I wanted that star. I wanted to be the person who would piece through that star.

   Leon Stephanotis and the First Star

   I had once seen a comet that only came around every two hundred years together with a girl.

It had happened years ago. That was one beautiful evening. Even now, I can still vividly recall the twinkling of the stars we watched on that day while our bodies shivered at the coldness of the nightly wind. Like jewels scattered over a dark canopy, the starry sky was enough to make one forget to even breathe. As it passed by, dragging its white tail, the meteor looked just like a fairy in flight with insect scales scattering about from her wings.

Whenever I looked at a beautiful night sky, I would think many times over, “Aah, now that I’ve branded this moment into my heart, I’d have no regrets if someone reaped my life away”. Should I lose my life, I wanted it to be on a starry night like that. I wanted to die with the memory of witnessing something stunning.

“May the night sky be a beautiful starry one on the day I die,” I wished.

But that one evening was a little bit different. Maybe because I had someone to watch the stars with me. Maybe because that was my first love.

She was a gorgeous person. Even more than the stars. Her hair looked like the Sun when shining under the moonlight and her blue eyes were like gemstones created from a mix of the sea and the sky. With her porcelain skin and skylark voice, the way she walked was just as that of a well-cared maiden. In reality, she was an orphaned ex-soldier, as well as an Auto-Memories Doll from a far-away southern country, so the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover” was pertinent when it came to her.

She was most likely an once-in-a-lifetime kind of person, one that you couldn’t know if you would ever get to meet.

My chest throbbed even at the sigh that leaked from her when she was peeking at the telescope. When she looked my way and smiled faintly, I experienced an impact as if I had been hit in the head, giving in to a love that made me feel like my whole body would melt and crumble down.

“Master, astronomical observations are quite a wonderful thing.”

If, by any chance, my body were to be crushed by a star in that moment, only on that day did I want to keep looking at something, even if for just one second more. I wanted to keep looking at her. Forever and ever, I wished. That was what I thought.

This encounter had changed my life and decided my fate. I didn’t mind if people laughed at that, calling me a romanticist. I, Leon Stephanotis, whose destiny had been altered, would always look back on it.

On the day that I had watched the stars with Violet Evergarden.

   “There was a sea of gold in his land” – who was it again that had sung the praises of a desert like this?

“I’m beat.”

When bookworms read too much, their head’s capacity would exceed the limit, so they would automatically forget the things they had read in their early phases. I had confidence in my memorization abilities and yet I couldn’t remember this, so it was surely a passage from an adventure novel or something of the sort that I had read in my childhood.

——What a beautiful comparison.

When I actually stood in the middle of a desert, my impressions were drawn to the temperatures, sunlight and other such things regarding the environment instead, so this poetic expression hadn’t crossed my mind. In the destinations of my travels, I often reminisced to a certain someone who was somewhere in this world, as well as the things she, who spoke words as beautiful as that, used to say, as if borrowing them.

“So pretty...”

I liked the color of gold. I could observe the grains of sand moving smoothly for all eternity.

“Everyone, you did well; the books we excavated will be brought back by another group. Meaning that we from the starting line-up are finally off for the first time in months.”

As I was spacing out, I didn’t hear the commander’s words very well. I was only staring at the ground, missing out on everything. When I raised my head, the happy-looking faces of my bearded and somewhat dirty colleagues entered my eyes. All I understood right away was that we would get a vacation.

“After we get twenty days off, we’ll regroup in Iustitia, at Shaher’s headquarters. After that, we’ll go to that place in the south where the reconnaissance team was sent. Next will be our turn to bring back the luggage. Don’t let your bodies get weak.”

“Roger that.” Once everybody gave an agreeable reply in unison, we disbanded from the spot.

Iustitia, Shaher’s headquarters. The main office of my occupation. I was previously in a section called the codex department, devotedly working on the deciphering of documents and copying manuscripts, but now I had been transferred to a completely different section. It sounded good when we were called the leading actors, but it was actually a group of reeking adventure rascals, the literature collecting department.

I put my heavy baggage sack on the ground and heaved a breath. Wiping the white folk clothes that I had been provided with on-site, I dusted the sand off them. This clothing called dola – a long robe secured by a waist belt – looked flappy and inflexible at first glance, but it was surprisingly easy to move around in. It was made of a rather velvety silk material, so there would normally not be so much sand sticking to it, but since I was caught in a sandstorm until just a moment ago, there was no helping it.

We had returned from a thorough search in the ruins of an abandoned castle, once the dominion of a royal clan whose name was eminent in the past. A book burning movement had taken place in this land at a certain point, but we had received information that a scholar from those times, out of fear towards the situation, had hidden valuable books in the forsaken palace. The information was apparently right, so after wandering around all over the deserted castle, we had found dozens of books. The books that would be taken to Shaher’s headquarters were to be made into written copies and spread to the world.

Made for protection purposes, Shaher’s literature collection was also well-reputed in other countries. It was difficult to negotiate with the locals responsible for the abandoned castle, but we were allowed entrance this time as well thanks to our achievements thus far. Just like that, someone’s story, studies and feelings, which were supposed to have disappeared, would breathe once again. The books we had been looking for would be delivered to other people and comfort them during long nights.

——What a wonderful thing.

The working environment was awful, but I was proud of my job.

I sat down on my luggage and gazed at the cityscape while drinking water from my canteen. In this desert-zone city, everyone’s clothes seemed harmonized no matter what color they wore.

“Senior Leon, what will you do on your days off?”

As a junior who had not yet left the spot called to me, I furrowed my brows and looked at his face. He was a young man of masculine facial traits, which was enviable to someone as baby-faced as me.

“Hey, Sir.”

A rarity amongst the members of our unit, the man had not been born in Iustitia. If I wasn’t mistaken, he was a rich kid who had been born in a southern country and entered Shaher through connections with the foundation executives.

Getting a job at the Shaher Observatory was a daunting task even for those who had studied astronomy. It was hard to make it without learning in a good environment from an early age. Since Iustitia, the capital of stargazing, was the best place to study in, it was natural that the ones hired were mostly the locals.

——Well, this guy had connections, so this has nothing to do with him.

I pondered an answer. “Nothing in particular.” For the time being, I decided to be cold, acting as nonchalant as ever.

And this was also the same as always, but the junior took no offense in my crude response – rather, he laughed at me, looking happy. “Then that means you’ve got no plans. I was thinking of going home. If you’d like, how about we go together? We have a villa by the lake... If I go now, the schedule will allow my family to join in.”

“No, why do I—”

“Last time we had a break, I told my little sisters about your cool adventure story and they wouldn’t shut up about how much they wanted to meet you. Hey, hey, how about it?”

I was baffled. I had no idea what was good about me to this junior but he would oddly flock to me. The reason why I hadn’t told him about my plans right away was that I felt he would follow me if I did so. Honestly, he was a bother. Up to now, we had acted as a group. I wanted to be alone even if a second sooner.

“I’m not going.”

“No way... My family’s all pretty boys and girls! Sir, you like beautiful things, don’t you?”

“Do they look like you?”

“They do.”

“Then they might be pretty, but won’t be my type.”

“Sir! You’re horrible!”

“So loud. If your family’s waiting for you, hurry and go.”

While I gestured with my hand as if shooing a dog, the junior made a puppy-like sad face. Even though he had a big body, he was amicable and his display of emotions was richer than most people, making him look all the more like a dog.

“Then, if you ever feel like coming to see me during your break...”

“I won’t.”

“...could you contact a hotel called Varona in Leidenschaftlich?”

“I won... uh?”

“It’s a first-class accommodation establishment. It’s under my uncle’s administration, so you can get a stay there immediately, and I can pick you up as soon as you give me my name. Oh, you’re making an interested face, huh? Want to come with me right now?”

What piqued my interest was the word “Leidenschaftlich” – that was all.

——That’s where the CH Postal Company is.

And it was also where my first love worked at.

“You were from Leidenschaftlich...?”

“That’s right. I did say it in my self-introduction when I joined the department.”

“Well, I don’t listen to people I have no interest in...”

As expected, my junior gave a happy-looking smile with his whole face. “Sir, I like that you’re equally unfriendly to everyone. People only got close to me because of my title... and my family’s social standing... but Sir, you’re cold, and that feels nice.”

“Your suffocating actions are a pain in the ass to me. Besides, hum...”

“What is it, Sir?”

“Hum, say... is the CH Postal Company well-known?”

“Do you know Violet Evergarden?” – the reason why I couldn’t ask this was a literal embodiment of how much I lacked guts, I thought.

With an “aah”, my junior immediately made a face like the name rang a bell. “I know them. It’s the company of that businessman, Claudia Hodgins, right? They’re popular. Shocking that the name of a company would come from you.”

“I’m an adult, after all. I’d know the name of one or two renowned businesses at least.”

“That’s a lie, ain’t it? I already know you don’t have interest in anything but stars. Erm... if I’m not wrong, all the postal companies of Leiden got sucked into it. They also succeeded in company split-ups. Their president is a celebrity too. The newspaper series where he talks to other entrepreneurs is a trend... It got adapted into a book just recently. There’s a chapter in the extra edition where he talks to his secretary and the president of an affiliated company, and it’s so fun. The book’s in my room at the headquarters, so you can take it with you and read it all you want.”

“Is there nothing about business in that book? Like, about the Auto-Memories Doll field... Hum, according to my research, there should be a rather famous Auto-Memories Doll in it... Don’t know if she’s still there, though.”

I timidly attempted to ask, yet it seemed my junior didn’t know the details. That was expected. The number of people who could hire Auto-Memories Dolls was limited, so hardly anybody would know even the name of a famed Doll unless it was someone marginally acquainted with them.

“I wonder. I do sorta know that they apparently have one real beauty of a Doll. But I also have a good-looking face... so I don’t yield to beauties from here and there.”

“Got it. Thanks for the info. And for the nice conversation. Go home.”

“Sir...! If you get bored of being alone, please remember me!”

Leaving behind my clingy junior, I took off from that place. I strutted with a hand in my pocket.

My junior wasn’t a bad guy. He had a high-handed personality but fit into the category of good person. He must have talked to me like that because he knew about my background as an orphan who had lost his parents and got a job at the astronomical observatory by way of assistance from Shaher. Meaning he was worried about his senior, who would be spending his vacation alone with no lover or family. The reason why he had invited me to a house where his family would be was probably that he was exposing his intentions in his own way.

——But to hell with that.

I wanted to be alone. To say that the people who thought I was pitiful were the actual pitiful ones was my essence. I had always enjoyed watching the stars by myself anyway, and I enjoyed books about stars too. Book reading wasn’t meant to be done with two people, right? I liked being alone. This was also because I had lived a life of accepting solitude for a long time, but if anything, it was harder for me to settle down when I was in someone’s company.

When I turned the street corner and confirmed that he finally wasn’t following me anymore, I let out a relieved sigh.

——Alone at last. Time and space just for me.

The times when I was by myself like this were the ones I felt most comfortable in, and while I did have some things to reflect upon in that regard, unfortunately, I didn’t have a family to pester me about having children, unlike the rest of society. Because I was alone.

——I get that it isn’t a good thing.

There were things that you couldn’t get used to or change, despite understanding why you should. I was equal parts as obstinate as I felt inferior to those who had families. Only one person had ever made me want to be with her for a little longer when I was in her company.

——Only one.

Our circumstances were similar and we were also alike in that we were burdened with loneliness, but it wasn’t as if I liked her because of the similarity. It was because she seemed like she would be all right even if she were on her own, so I had wished to stay by her side. To get close to her. I “liked” her in that way. It wasn’t as if I wanted her to do something for me. I was the one who wanted to do something for her. It was that kind of “like”.

It had happened a long time ago.

After we had spent a little time together, she left. When we were bidding our farewells, I stopped her and confessed.

“Violet.”

I told her I was in love with her. I didn’t ask her, “I like you, so what do you wanna do?” – I simply told her I liked her.

“I’m... I’m... in the codex department now, but... I actually wanted to be in the literature collecting department like my father.”

She gave me this answer: the way that she cherished me was different.

“I had my hopes up that maybe my mother would come home one day if I waited here, bringing my father back with her... so I kept shutting myself in until this age, without ever stepping off into the outside world. That was possible in this place and I wanted it myself. But... just now...”

But if we ever happened to meet again, she wanted to spend time with me.

“I’ve just made up my mind. I’ll go around the world like you.”

In that moment, the woman who had said that she couldn’t feel emotions...

“I might face danger. I might lose my life without anyone ever finding my body, just like my parents. But—But that’s okay. I’m thinking of choosing that path.”

...smiled at me like a normal girl, looking happy, and told me something.

“If I do that, I’m sure we might get to meet someday, somewhere, under a starry sky. We’re both gypsies. And if that happens, will you...”

——...watch the stars with me again?

“Yes, Master.”

She told me that. She said it. This alone was already enough for me. This alone gave me the courage to come out of the world that I had been secluding myself in. Even if my love wasn’t requited, even if we never saw each other again, I was so happy.

She.

Violet.

Violet Evergarden.

Just that – just the fact that she had promised to watch the stars with me – had made me happy to the point of changing my life.

I kept making transfer requests ever since that day, finally earned approval and ventured myself into the outside world. The world other than Iustitia that I saw for the first time was bustling with a dizzying variety of things, which made me regret secluding myself. But surely, if I hadn’t met her, I would have taken a lot longer to go outside. No, I might have never left that bird cage to begin with.

That environment where I was allowed to wallow was terribly indulgent. After all, everyone was awfully nice to me for not being able to stand up, just because I was sad.

I didn’t simply think that I would definitely get to see her at least once. The probability of an astronomer and an Auto-Memories Doll, who had spent time together at work, meeting even once was surely the same as the meteor we had seen that day – once every two hundred years.

I was being ridiculous. If I really wanted to see her, I should just go visit her postal company in Leiden. The reason why I didn’t do it was that I was scared. That maybe her words were just out of friendliness, and that, if we did meet, she wouldn’t even remember me and I would be rejected. On top of being terrified of this, I also had a dream.

That if we ever happened to reunite, I wanted us to meet again truly by coincidence, under a starry sky.

If something like that really were to happen, just what would I do? Would I smile? Cry? Or ask for her love again?

I nodded at a passerby who had almost collided with me and started walking again. I had no particular destination. I could also go back to the headquarters just like this and be an idle bookworm in my own room, but going sightseeing around this city for at least a little bit was also good.

——I won’t get to see Violet if I stay in that place.

I had no free time to spend money, so I could afford the luxury of staying at a remotely nice hotel. Having made up my mind, I went into the main street and began looking for accommodation in the desert capital.

   Local idioms were honestly my weak point. Even though it was a common language, it was hard to catch because of the many dialects. When I talked to elders, I was done for.

However, I could perfectly understand that the inn’s owner, an old gentleman, had treated me like a “young lady”. Of course, I told him he was mistaken, but he didn’t hear it. He led me to my room with a hand around my hips.

The room was quite a high-class one, so I let it slide. If it were my old self, I would have been as furious as a raging fire. But I had grown up. By holding back my anger, I would manage to spend the night in a proper bed, where it didn’t seem like bugs would show up, so becoming an adult was for the best. Even if my self-respect decreased a little.

While I was chilling in the room and writing my diary, the sun went down in a blink of eye and it was getting late into the evening.

   “Heave-ho.”

It was the dead of night. I put on warm clothes and prepared myself to go out.

I wanted to observe the desert’s starry sky at my own leisure. As our activities had been limited to daytime ever since we had arrived here, I was now finally getting to do the things that I actually felt like doing. I had watched it together with everyone else from the windows of the cheap inn that the literature collecting department’s personnel had stayed at, but as expected, I wanted to see it from a spacious place with no noise or anything of the sort. As a scholar born in the so-called “capital of stargazing”, I obviously was going to have my fill of the desert’s night sky.

Unable to contain my feelings of excitement, I left the room after my lips relaxed a bit. For the heck of it, I greeted the innkeeper and told him I was going to see the stars. When I did so, he made a worried-looking face.

Apparently, women were forbidden of wandering outside at night in these lands. He couldn’t stop me from going out since I wasn’t a local, but warned me not to get too close to men. It wasn’t as if there were many ruffians among the people who walked around at night, but simply that this city had this kind of culture, so if the men suddenly spotted a woman, they might think badly of it. I had grown up in a men’s dormitory watching a bunch of idiots, so I understood what he was trying to say.

I showed him the retractable cane I was holding, and while I was at it, I also demonstrated with one swing that a blade came out from the tip as well. It was not for killing anyone, but it sufficed for making the other party recoil and holding them back.

Receiving the innkeeper’s applause from behind, I ventured myself outside.

The temperature gaps between nighttime and daytime was extreme in the desert. Having been raised in a mountaintop astronomical observatory, I was used to areas where there was a discrepancy in temperatures between day and night, but even then, I could bring myself to deem it as comfortable due to differences in humidity. The instant I stepped outside, I shuddered with a “brr”.

However, I forgot the cold as soon as I saw the sight spreading overhead. Surely, God must have dropped His jewel box. The starry sky unfolded in a way that made even someone like me come up with such a poetic saying.

Due to the fact that it was nighttime, there were few people out, but it wasn’t as if nobody was wandering about the city. Just as the innkeeper had said, it seemed that someone with a womanly appearance (I wasn’t a woman at all, though) walking around did catch people’s eyes, as they called to me countless times. I put myself on guard in each of those instances, and everyone withdrew with the same caution as the innkeeper.

Not letting the women walk around late at night was also meant for protecting them.

I had heard that there was a place for stargazing aimed at tourists somewhere a little far from the city, so I headed there, for safety as well. Several tents were erected around the sparse green area. In addition to privately built tents, there were also merchant tents selling drinks and food.

After looking through the signboards with the prices of the alcohol and warm soups that people of this region consumed and were familiar with, I picked the alcohol. I was an adult now and on vacation, so I told myself that it was okay to drink today and gave myself permission.

I went for a cloudy-colored alcoholic drink simmered in a large pot called the witch’s cauldron. It was warm and sweet, with a slightly spicy aftertaste. It warmed your body when you drank it and was the best delicacy to savor in cold weather.

Some people invited me to enter their tents, but I refused and steadily began setting up by arranging the astronomical observation tools that I had prepared. I assembled a demountable astronomical telescope over the sheets.

Even though this was said to be a place for stargazing, not everyone seemed to be astronomy freaks like in Iustitia – most of them were lying on the ground, enjoying a conversation with their companions while relishing in the jewels of the night. Everyone other than myself had simple handheld telescopes, so a few locals started appearing fussily around me, looking greatly interested. If anything, there weren’t just tourists.

A young father who had a child with him shyly came to ask me, “How much is it for you to let us take a look?” Apparently, he had mistaken me for a merchant.

“I don’t take money for it. It’s something for me to enjoy myself.”

The young parent made a bewildered face at my blunt reply, but nervously stepped in front of the kid and said, “It’s okay even if it’s just for a little bit, couldn’t you let this child take a peek?”

“Sure, it’s fine.”

He was also surprised at my ready consent. As he asked one more time if I really wasn’t going to charge for it, I declared that I wasn’t, swearing by this land’s god.

I beckoned the child. Our heights didn’t match since he was too small, so I lifted him by the hips.

“Can you see them?”

“Just a tad higher.”

“This much?”

“Amaziiing.”

At the child’s delighted look, the father and I locked eyes with each other and laughed. Then, other people who had been surrounding us at a distance came over one after another, asking me to let them see next. Whenever I said that I wasn’t charging any fee, they would ask me back, “Are you a saint or what?”.

In a land where you could see such beautiful stars, astronomical telescopes weren’t wild-spread among locals, enjoyed only by tourists and outsiders. That was probably the case. For them, this was an expensive item brought by outsiders. The stars were beautiful enough at naked eye, so if I had to say it, telescopes weren’t necessary. But if there was something that would help them see better, there would obviously be people saying that they want to take a look.

——Guess I’m gonna contact Shaher’s donors and indicate this place as a potential donation site.

If this pleased so many people, maybe it would be nice to have a telescope that everyone could look into, just as there were benches where everyone could sit on along the streets. I liked stars, so it made me happy even if just one more person fell in love with them.

“Having fun?”

“We are! You’re so generous!”

The figure of an elderly man much older than myself smiling like a boy, looking extremely happy, struck home pretty hard. It wasn’t like I wanted to hang out with anyone or that I had a preference for getting along with everybody. That wasn’t the case at all.

“This thing’s pricey, ain’t it? You okay with people touchin’ it without a care?”

“It’s not made for decoration; it’s something to look at.”

But these kinds of moments were nice.

——Very nice.

If these once-in-a-lifetime encounters would increase the proportion of stargazing in someone’s life, nothing could make me happier.

——When I get old, I guess I’m gonna run a rent-a-telescope or something like that somewhere.

I decided to take a few steps back and let everyone enjoy themselves.

This sensation that the joy of the surroundings was becoming more and more contagious. This feeling that people were gathering there only out of curiosity and adventurous spirit, not for profit. It didn’t seem fitting of my usual self, but something like this was also conceivable every once in a while.

With nothing to do, I naturally started looking around. Wonderful night, wonderful atmosphere.

The figure of someone standing still amongst it all entered my field of vision even without me wanting to. Everyone else had a companion.

The person was clad in dola like me and had a veil covering her face. From her physique, I could somehow presume that she was probably a woman.

Hoping that no weirdos would go talk to her, I worried about and kept watch over the woman, just like people had done for me. If she got caught up by anybody, should I intervene?

I used to hate women, yet here I was, concerning myself with one. I might have a misconstrued sense of justice, but I at least had to care.

I was just looking at her for a little while simply for that reason, but the instant that the wind blew strongly, all of my nerves became her captive. Her veil came off. It came off just slightly and I could see her face.

Her golden hair fluttered leniently. Her shapely profile was exposed under the starry sky. This beauty that could be discerned even in the nightly darkness was breathtaking.

It was really just a few seconds’ time and she immediately fixed the veil back on tight, but I had already seen her, so I knew. I knew.

I knew who that was.

Distancing myself from the telescope, I walked unsteadily towards her. Like winged bugs that gathered up to light.

This person literally shone like a lantern in my life. It was fire that wouldn’t disappear, no matter how much time passed. Time only strengthened the flame’s vigor.

That was why, aah, I... I...

“Violet Evergarden... is that you?”

That was why I called to her at that moment, with a shrill voice. As she looked at me, her eyes slowly crinkled, the corners of her lips went up and she smiled at me.

I felt like tearing up at that.

“It has been a while, Master.”

I had dreamed of this.

“Is it really you?”

I had dreamed of this day.

“Yes, Master.”

Always had been.

“Stupid, I’m not your master anymore... I have a name too... You’ve probably forgotten about it, but I... My name is...”

I had dreamed of this day and had always been thinking about what to say if we ever got to meet again.

“Mr. Leon Stephanotis. Is ‘Mr. Leon’ all right?”

If it were under a starry sky with not a single cloud, we could talk about its bare beauty. If it were on a rainy day, we could discuss the mythology related to the constellations.

“Did I mistake it? I have confidence in my memorization skills, but...”

If it were on a night where a once-in-every-two-centuries meteor were to pass by, we could share stories of the past in which we had observed the sky together.

“No... you got it right. You got it... Just ‘Leon’ is fine... Violet, the time you spent with me was so long ago, and yet, you sure... managed to...”

I had dreamed of this. You had no idea, did you, Violet Evergarden?

“You sure managed to remember.”

You were my first love. The first person I fell for. That day was the first time I confessed to someone.

“Leon, do you recall the promise we made?”

I opened the door to courage. I opened it thinking it would be okay even if I got hurt. But instead of hurting me, you accepted it. You broke my love to pieces, but still acknowledged it.

“Yeah.”

I had dreamed of this. Of this moment. You didn’t have to remember it. You could have forgotten what you had said to me. But if nothing else, I wanted to have one more look at you before I died.

“Have you memorized...”

One more time.

“...the names of a few stars?”

I wanted to see you one more time.

Violet Evergarden. I – the sixteen-year-old Leon Stephanotis – was in love with you.

He was in love with you. So was my current self. Now that you were in front of me, I could tell as much, even if I didn’t want to.

The flame inside my chest was saying, “This woman is the one who started the fire.” It told me that you were the woman who burned me up. You had burned me, and you still were. You melted everything that I had locked up within ice. It told me that you were the woman of my fate.

Violet wordlessly nodded in agreement. She nodded like a child. She was happy that I remembered what she had told me – I could tell by the facial expression she was making.

——You used to be so expressionless and doll-like – who was it that changed you so much?

You weren’t a doll anymore now. More like a girl who had someone’s love. You didn’t look like anything but that in my eyes ever since you were with me, though. But now, surely you had someone. This someone had changed you to that point, right?

“Violet,” I said, suppressing the pain of my sweltering chest. “If you have some time, won’t you spend it with me?” I asked.

I was attempting to open the door to courage again. Regardless of what awaited me beyond it, even if I regretted opening it. I asked nevertheless.

You changed me. You made me who I was. You probably didn’t know that. You didn’t have to.

“Yes, by all means.”

And this beautiful woman in front of me, too.

“I had been waiting for a day to come when I inform you about the fruits of my studies.”

Surely, she had also been made by someone.

“Should we ever meet, I had wanted to report them to you, even if you did not remember.”

Envy, affection and attachment ran through my body.

“That is what I was thinking.”

My sixteen-year-old self was screaming. “I was in love with you. I was in love with you. I was in love with you. I’m in love with you. Even now, I still like you,” he shouted.

I no longer had any of the youth and recklessness of those days. However, regarding my love for her, the me from back when I confessed to her was still here.

“I’m sure what I’m gonna say now will trouble you. But would you listen?”

I was still here. That version of me was still inside me.

Violet Evergarden, you...

“You can laugh if you want; you see...”

...to me, you... a woman like you was...

“You were my first love.”

Violet Evergarden, you...

“I still like you. Forgive me.”

To me, you were a woman of the stars.

[raddifferent]

I'm late but I'm in the middle of switching jobs so who cares! Here's Day Two of @rosemarymonth2021: Fantasy! This is Chapter 1; Chapter 2 will double as the Chapter 4 prompt because I want to finish this fic rather than do medieval with no fantasy elements. It's my writing project and I make the rules!!

Anyways, as usual the link will be in the replies and the fic is below the cut!

The esteemed Duchess Lepidopterina Dolorosa of the House Maryam, Baroness of the Misted Isles, Devotee of the Midnight Spiral, and Serene Lady of the Obsidian Blade, first of her name, was having a bit of a shit day. As some of her many fancy titles would suggest, she was an adept swordswoman, and she had been honored to be invited to the wedding of Duke Egbert’s daughter. She was more familiar with Lady Egbert than her betrothed, another Duchess of the Troll kingdom, despite being a troll herself. That was one of the side effects of spending an inordinate amount of time in the borderlands fighting off the blasted undead, as she found herself doing now.

Her traveling party had been journeying through the Cresting Mountains for a fortnight now, having crossed the mountain peaks worn oddly smooth by some ancient ocean and cracked in half on their tectonic ascent. The scraggly pines of its forests were dense in places and opened into large clearings in others, creating an unpredictable landscape full of pockets of zombies. Three of the party had fallen when the undead felled their horses, and she’d lost sight of the other two of her companions when the pack had separated them. Now, she fought the beasts alone.

Kanaya raised a shining hand, turning some of the undead near herself. She had a moment to catch her breath and assess the situation. A crowd of about fifteen undead humans and trolls had her backed against the base of a thick pine. At her feet lay a pile of bodies twenty-strong. Her black leather boots were shiny with rotting ichor, and splashes of guts, grime, and gore adorned her oiled outerwear. The Duchess twirled her twin blades, each a deep, midnight indigo sparkling with obsidian glitter, and also with a little magic. Her hands were covered with snugly-fit leather gloves, but beneath the animal hide Kanaya knew the sigils of the Church of the Midnight Spiral gleamed on the backs of her hands. Indeed, her skin itself glowed from the inside, although that was more of a side effect of being a Blessed Resurrectionist. Kanaya lived thirty five years, and died, and was brought back by The Bright Light in the Dark Sky to walk again some fifty more years. Those outside the Church would call her another, luckier undead. A vampire.

Her groaning, festering foes began to clamber close enough to swipe at her again. Kanaya whirled and sliced, removing limbs and heads as the undead shuffled within her reach. Eight more fell, leaving seven standing. Kanaya tried to wipe a smear of viscera from her face, but she feared the back of her sleeve only made the mess worse. She was breathing heavily. The dampness on her boots and the height of the bodies was beginning to impede her. She needed to reach high ground, and soon.

Just then, a golden light shone from deeper in the woods surrounding this clearing. Kanaya jumped to the side just as a zombie swiped at her head, leaving her in the perfect position to see a glowing arrow pin her assailant’s head to a tree. There must have only been one archer aiding her, as only one or two arrows came at a time, but they still landed more rapidly than Kanaya’s own battle maidens could achieve. In seconds, the battle had ended.

Still breathing heavily, Kanaya attempted to wipe her blades off on her jacket before sheathing them. She began to walk towards where the arrows had been coming from.

Kanaya was met at the edge of the clearing by a figure in a deep purple cloak. Her skin was a deeper, redder brown than Kanaya’s own, set in sharp contrast to their white-blond hair. Kanaya met her startlingly purple eyes, which were bright, intelligent, and a little mischievous. She had a golden lip ring down the center of her mouth, and a thin golden chain as a choker. Her clothing was modest but fine, Kanaya’s keen eye picking out expensive brocade in the shirt.

“To whom do I owe thanks for such gracious assistance?” Kanaya offered when the stranger did not speak.

The stranger spoke in a slightly raspy voice with a short, clipped affect. “Arrows rained upon your general area moments before, and yet you walk towards a potential source of danger? Moments after your own life was at risk? You must either be assured of your skill, or very stupid.”

“I like to think I am the former, although there is always time to prove the latter.”

The stranger smiled. “You think it is inevitable you will be proven unintelligent?”

“I find it imprudent to assume one will never make a mistake.”

The stranger raised an eyebrow, the corners of her mouth quirking upwards. “Ah, a pragmatist. We may get along yet.”

Kanaya pursed her lips. “I find I get along with people much better if we have something to call each other by.”

“You would still like my name, then.” It wasn’t a question. They seemed to be hesitating. “I suppose you can call me Briar,” she said with a wry smile. “I’m just a traveler in these woods. There’s nothing I have to claim that involves fanfare.”

Politely, Kanaya did not mention the clearly magical bow, or the fine clothing. “I do have a bit of a fancy title, but I think it best not to rattle off the entire thing. Suffice it to say that you can call me Kanaya.” Hopefully, her rescuer would be equally polite about her weaponry and dress.

“May I ask where you’re headed? I wouldn’t mind some company, and you certainly seem like you need the assistance.” The last was delivered with a smirk, which Kanaya bristled a little at.

“I have been traveling with several others, thank you; we just found ourselves separated after that large group of undead descended onto us. I had almost dispatched all of them when you arrived.” She made a sweeping gesture back towards the not-immodest pile of re-deceased zombies surrounding the tree she had been up against.

Briar smirked harder. “So my assistance is not desired?”

“No, that is not-” Kanaya broke off her objection with a huff as Briar began to laugh. “I would, actually, quite like your help locating my companions. However, I would like to know why you would want to help me. You seem to be taking great pleasure in needling me about needing it.”

The other traveler sobered slightly. “I just know what it’s like to be traveling alone, and the drudgery of not having someone to talk to, no stories to tell around the fire or on the road. It can be better to group up, even temporarily, just to kill the boredom.”

“Did you lose a companion recently as well?” Kanaya blurted.

Briar raised a thin eyebrow. “Not recently, as it were. But yes, I have previously parted ways with those whom I enjoyed sharing a story or three.”

“I would be happy to share tales with you, stranger. My companions would likely head towards the closest inn if they were sure they were separated from me, as that was our next destination. Does that align with your path?”

The other woman smiled. “That it does. When last I consulted my map, the next inn was a half-day’s walk up the road. Shall we?”

As they walked up the road, dappled light gently touched the faces of both travelers. Briar hummed an aimless tune, kicking up dead, brown leaves. They traveled in silence for quite some time, neither quite willing to speak up after such an abrupt introduction. About an hour into the walk, Kanaya opened her mouth and was about to begin some sort of small talk about the weather when they reached the top of a hill. Below them, the trees opened up to reveal a path curving down and around a small, ruined stone structure. What had previously been a large castle town now lay in disarray, the abbey wall crumbling and holding nothing at bay. The peasant houses must have been constructed of wood, as all but their foundations had long rotted away. All that remained was a small stone castle with a single, thin spire reaching high into the sky. Small was relative; the property would have held a baron comfortably in his keep with acres of holdings, but from the vantage point it felt like a child’s plaything.

“Well, that certainly looks interesting.” Briar broke the silence with a chuckle.

Kanaya did have to agree. Ruins such as this one, so deep in the woods, were possibly undisturbed, and might have strange and magical treasures hidden within. At the very least, there would be a few monsters to kill, and get some of her frustrations out. “We should explore it. There is still light in the sky.”

Briar’s smile faded slightly. “You know, I grew up not too far from here. When I was a little girl, we were told a tale in whispers. It was the sort of fairy tale that adults would laugh off, but forbid you from speaking about ever again. Would you like to hear it?”

“Right now?” Kanaya asked, the question coming out more incredulously than she intended. “While we’re stopped in the middle of the road?”

The smile was back. “I can walk and weave words, miss.”

“Well then, far be it from me than to stop you.”

“A long, long time ago, a young king killed what he thought was the last dragon in his lands. His fields were free from fiery terror, and his people lived prosperously for three decades. One day, a winged shadow drew over the land again, smaller than the scourge that had last plagued the land, but still enough to wreak havoc. One dragon spawn had survived, and had lived long enough to exact its revenge.”

Briar stopped to hop over a river, holding out an arm to steady Kanaya as she crossed. Her hands were warm, heat thrumming through Kanaya’s thick gear to her palm where she clasped Briar’s. She let go, and they continued. Kanaya’s hand felt cold.

“The dragon landed on the top of the castle of the now-middle-aged king, and told the king that he would leave the lands be, if only the king would offer his daughter. One life in exchange for the kingdom’s safety.”

Kanaya laughed grimly. “I suppose it was an easy deal to make with the dragon staring him down.”

“I suppose it was,” Briar replied. “He brought his daughter to be scooped up in the dragon’s claws and carried away. The kingdom was quiet and safe for another thirty years, until the king’s son had borne an heir and several daughters, and a new ruler was crowned. The dragon once again flew across the land, and once again sat atop the tower and demanded a companion. Every three decades, the dragon would return, larger than before, and more imposing.”

“And how long ago was the last time the dragon came to the land?” Kanaya asked, playing along.

“Well, that’s just the thing.” Briar held a branch up so Kanaya could pass under it. “The dragon hasn’t been sighted in over fifty years.”

“Do you know why?”

The first crumbling pieces of stone that formerly lined the road to the castle began to rise up from the sides of the road. “No one knows. Some of the bravest in our village once described traveling deep into the woods and seeing a castle with a tall tower, a sleeping monster curled around the top.”

Kanaya squinted ahead, trying to spot the castle. “Did you put much stock in their tales?”

“When I was younger? Not really. Now? Also no, not really. I think if a dragon had a castle, he’d sleep inside of it, not on top.”

Involuntarily, Kanaya burst out laughing. “That’s your justification for why they’re wrong? Not that your country doesn’t have a history of missing princesses, or that you happened to live close enough to the dragon’s castle to find it, but not so close that it bothers you?”

Briar put her hands on her hips. “Would you sleep out in the rain and the cold if you had the option not to?”

“I make a habit not to when I have the choice,” Kanaya ceded.

“Then you admit there’s some logic to what I say,” Briar smirked felinely.

Kanaya rolled her eyes, smiling. “Begrudgingly. At any rate, there was no dragon on that tower when we saw it from above.”

“No,” Briar said. “There wasn’t.”