#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'

[daisywords]

\

[munchkin1156]

Let me show you things from a different angle! Hang on, that’s not what I meant-

. . .

A new fic!! Hooray!! This one is also for the @mcyt-soulmate-sweepstakes event!! Under the extra prompt “Trust”!!

ao3 link

Summary:

Scar was someone you could trust. Definitely, totally, absolutely. The Permit Office had no reason to be suspicious of him!

...Well, ignoring how he didn't have a permit for his magic and potions. But besides that, nothing!

Grian just wanted to get the inspection of this guy's house and permits over with. It was getting annoying how he kept lying, and even worse how smug he seemed about it, thinking he’d gotten away with it. Ugh.

At least nothing had gone horribly wrong yet.

word count: 5,557

. . .

Scar was your totally average, day to day salesman.

He lived in a small apartment, on the west side of the city, overlooking the central park. He did chores, met up with his friends, and made sales that definitely had reasonable prices. In every way you could possibly imagine, he was a perfectly compliant citizen. Perfectly trustworthy. No reason whatsoever for the government to have any sort of suspicion about him. 

Nothing at all.

…Apart from the illegal magic use, that is. 

According to his files, Scar sold boring, useful, everyday things like, for example, vacuum cleaners. Very uninteresting stuff. That was a lie. He didn’t even own a vacuum cleaner! Originally, when he was younger, he’d wanted to be a known wizard, a famous one, but those were the foolish hopes of a child. Child him hadn’t known how ridiculously impossible it was to get a permit for magic use. He was still waiting to hear back from the Permit Office about getting an appointment to discuss the possibility of him using magic, and that was nearing three years now. He had a sneaking suspicion they’d forgotten he’d sent in an application.

Since Scar wasn’t the type of person to give up on his dreams, he’d just… Not told the Permit Office he was using it. He had found a market online, for people just like him, with the same idea. Not evil people, who wanted to practice black magic, but people who simply couldn’t, because the system sucked. And with his natural talent for arcane arts, Scar had gotten quite popular, especially with his potions. Who wouldn’t love something that was slightly cheaper, and yet worked far better than anything store bought?

Because his apartment had been basically turned into a magic lab it was hard to hide an entire room set aside for the business, with magical ingredients and chalk marks left over from spells everywhere, his friends had caught on fairly quickly to what he was doing. They had then made it their mission to help Scar with this side gig, as well as cover things up from the authorities. Absolute legends, they were. Total life savers. Scar couldn’t count how many times they’d saved him after he’d said one too many suspicious things to an officer of the Poe Poe.

It was with their help the Permit Office hadn’t needed to investigate where he lived, because he had no idea where he would hide all his highly illegal stuff. Anyway, he knew he’d get some warning before it happened, if it did ever happen, because the Permit Office loved to send warning notices ahead of time, which was very helpful if you needed to get rid of something they wouldn’t approve of.

But what Scar had forgotten, was that the Permit Office didn’t always do that. They were forgetful over there, workers slacking off all the time, and he’d even heard rumours that they burnt complaints so that they wouldn’t have to do the paperwork for it. Before he’d started up his magic industry, Scar had been in a similar type job, though not for the government, and he understood why they’d do it, even if he didn’t approve. Hey, maybe that’s what happened to his initial request…

Anyway, that was why, when his doorbell rang that morning, and Scar had opened it to find someone in complete Permit Office uniform, standing outside his door expectantly, he had been incredibly surprised, since he hadn’t received any information about this. He was also incredibly relieved when he realised he hadn’t been making any potions at that moment, because it would have been very clear to the Permit Worker in front of him. He was wearing a teal shirt, with a black tie and beige pants. His hair was short, and the colour reminded Scar of sand on a beach, or desert. The nametag pinned to his shirt read “Hello, my name is ___”, with the word Grain scrawled in the empty space.

“Good morning, officer Grain! How can I be of assistance?” Scar asked cheerfully, leaning in the doorframe, effectively blocking the Permit Workers view of his home. The man scowled in response, black eyes narrowing as he glared bitterly at Scar. “My name,” he began, looking offended at the mere prospect of someone getting it wrong, “Is Grian. And I’m a Permit Manager, not an officer.”

Oops. That was his dyslexia's fault. Still, not exactly super polite, in Scar’s opinion. He could’ve been a bit nicer about it. Scar felt a hint of sarcasm make its way into his words as he answered the manager known as Grian. “My sincerest apologies, manager Grian. How can I be of assistance?” Grian raised an eyebrow, as if it was obvious what he was here for, and Scar was the rude one. “You are Scar Goodtimes, yes?”

Scar nodded, tilting his head a little to one side. “That’s me.” He agreed. “What about it?” Grian made a notation on his checklist, before responding. “Then you should be informed of the observation I have to make of your house and permits today.” He hummed, smiling a little. “Shall we begin?”

His heart dropped. Scar’s own smile faltered for a fraction of a second, though he regained his bearings almost immediately. “W-why yes of course, Grian! Just give me a moment, it’s really quite a mess in here… I didn’t actually get any sort of warning about this you see…” And hurriedly shut the door in the manager's face. He shakily sat down on the other side, taking a deep breath in, and out. He could do this. He hadn’t been expecting this, sure, hadn’t known about it, but that was fine.

After all, if he knew anything from the times his friends had been surveyed about their homes and jobs, the person being sent didn’t actually know what their job was. Also, they had very strict work hours, so if Scar managed to use up all of Grian’s time without needing to show him the non-existent permit, he could get away scott free.

Yep. This was possible. Grinning from ear to ear, Scar spoke in his most convincing, salesman type voice as he opened the door again, staring right back at the suspicious manager. “Why don’t you come in?” He offered, eyes sparkling. Grian grumbled a ‘let’s get this over with’ and stepped inside.

Scar was ready for anything the permit office could throw at him. As the door clicked shut, he felt confident he had the upper hand here. It was his own home. His own ground. He was totally ready. The manager would be none the wiser, because he was one hundred percent trustworthy.

. . .

Grian wasn’t sure what Scar’s deal was, but whatever it was, he didn’t trust it in the slightest.

First of all, he seemed to have no idea about the inspection that was schedueled today despite the weeks notice. That was already very strange. The Permit Office (almost) always made sure people were well notified ahead of time. He must have just not been paying attention. Secondly, he kept switching between being charismatic and nervous. He was probably hiding his terror, deep down. And thirdly, he’d gotten Grian’s name and job title wrong! He had to have done it in order to annoy Grian. He must dislike the Permit Office. Therefore, there had to be something off about one of his permits. Maybe he didn’t even have one.

That was an appalling prospect. Imagine not having a permit. Grian had no idea what the world would look like where people didn’t use permits for everything and didn’t follow the rules. It would definitely lead to total destruction and anarchy. No doubt about it.

If only he had access to his documents. Then he’d at least know if this so-called “wizard” was telling the truth. Now, Grian was just in for an hour of awkward chatter as Scar led him around his apartment, showing him all his magic supplies. At least he got to make notes about how things looked. The safety measures, and what rules he crossed.

The apartment in itself wasn’t too shabby. Rather spacious for one person, enough to have both a general living space as well as a separate room for his work. After a general tour, Scar sat him down in an armchair while he went to make some drinks. It was rather strange how hospitable he was being. Most people would just show their home and their permits and be done with it, not needing the full hour unless they had some sort of mansion. You’d think the man was stretching time out. Almost like Scar enjoyed talking to him.

Grian nearly laughed out loud at the absurdity of the thought. Wanting to talk to him? That certainly couldn’t be it. So then, why couldn’t he just show him his permits? Unless he had a reason to hide them, something he’d get in trouble for…

Hmmm…

Oh. Ohhh. That made much more sense. Scar must have a permit in his possession that he wasn’t using! Well, that just wouldn’t do. Once he returned, he’d immediately get down to business. And it wouldn’t be too bad if Scar immediately confessed. He’d only have to pay a small fine. No, it was if he lied about not having a permit. Then he’d be in serious trouble. For his sake, Grian hoped he wouldn’t try and be clever about things, though he knew he probably would.

Adjusting his position, Grian added his suspicions to the checklist. Everything of importance had to be written down. It was the only way things would get done. Not that he particularly cared if things got done or not, as long as they weren’t his problem.

With annoyance, Grian’s eyes landed on the shelves and shelves of potions that were literally everywhere. Hardly any of them were labelled, and none of the shelves looked properly nailed to the wall. Honestly, it felt like something would tip over any second. Ugh. Potion stains were horrible to get out, and potion effects were even harder. Grian almost pitied Scar in advance for when those fell, but he reminded himself that he was probably lying to the Permit Office, which was unacceptable behaviour.

Scar, from Grian’s observations, seemed to be a reasonably pleasant chap, at least to look at, besides his problems with the government. Green eyes, brown hair, a sane sense for fashion. Really, the only off-putting thing about him (personality not included) were the scars that covered his arms and face. A fitting name for the man, he supposed, if a bit of a cruel joke.

In a few minutes, Scar returned, bringing two cups of tea with him. He set them both down on the small coffee table in front of Grian, before sitting down in the armchair opposite him. Clasping his hands together, he smiled warmly at Grian. Grian scoffed internally. Who did this man think he was, to try and get away from using a Permit he requested without consequences? He cleared his throat. “So, Mister Goodtimes-“ he started, trying to hurry this up, but was rudely interrupted.

“Oh, you can just call me Scar!” Scar told him pleasantly, much to Grian’s annoyance. He rolled his eyes and continued. “Alright, Scar, could you please bring me your permits for inspection?” 

Grian watched with an odd sense of satisfaction when Scar’s face paled, and his chatter faltered. He noticed how quickly he regained his confidence, even though it was probably false confidence, same as earlier, when Grian had initially arrived. What an interesting individual, who had just opened his mouth, presumably to speak lies.

“Right, of course! Just- erm, give me a moment while I search for them?” Scar spoke with a nervous tick, a tug at the corner of his mouth. “I don’t usually keep them out on display, so they could be anywhere…”

What an original excuse, the ‘I can’t find them’. Grian had had that trick pulled on him many a time. He figured he’d play along with him a little, give him some false hope. If this took up enough of his time, he wouldn’t have to do the paperwork he knew was waiting for him once he returned to the office. The best way to procrastinate was having a reason for it, after all.

Smoothly, he responded. “But of course, Scar. We have all the time in the world.” He smiled, but it wasn’t his genuine smile. It was the one he used specifically to make people uncomfortable. Look, being a Permit Worker was boring, okay? He had to find some way to entertain himself while doing his job. Scar nodded, turning his back on him quickly as he stood up yet again, going into a different room. Grian could hear the sound of a chest being opened, and someone rummaging through it. All for show, of course, but he noted that it was a better show than most.

Grian sipped his tea as he waited. Scar’s voice was heard from the other room every now and again, apologising for the inconvenience and offering to get Grian something from his kitchen, which he politely declined. Eventually, after checking his watch, he decided he’d had enough. 

Time to get this over with.

“You know, I don’t actually have all day,” he called, and heard a loud thud followed by a muttered curse, as Scar presumably hit his head on something, probably having tried to turn in Grian’s direction. “If you could perchance come back to the living room?” A few grumbles, and Scar emerged again, looking sheepish. “Why of course, of course! What would you like to discuss?” He asked, sinking gratefully back into his seat.

He cleared his throat. “Well, you see, Scar, and I might be wrong here,” Grian carefully got up, walking over to stand on the far side of the room, where the higher up potions stood, on higher up shelves. “I think that you may be lying to the Permit Office about owning a permit.” Seeing Scar stiffen only confirmed his suspicions. He was certain about what this man had done wrong.

Taking a glance at the time on his watch, he determined he probably had more than enough time to get his point across. “Now, the Permit Office isn’t generally fond of these types of things. And, rule breakers generally ought to be punished, ey?” Grian watched as Scar fidgeted with the buttons on his shirt, the anxiety pooling in his light green eyes. Unlike Grian’s, with eyes the colour of black ink, where emotion could hide.

“So, I feel the best way to go about this is if you, without fuss, hand over your unused permit, pay a small fine, and we can all be on our way. Sounds good?” His emotions could be a bit on the impatient side, and he found that he had in fact lost most of the patience he had.

Scar started nodding, to Grian’s relief, before a frown appeared on his face. “Wait, but I don’t have an unused permi-“

“Quiet!” Grian hissed, slamming his hand against the wall as a way to get Scar to stop talking, stop lying. He didn’t have time to deal with it. He also didn’t have time to notice how a potion shelf, the one above him and just a little to the left to be exact (and he liked to be) tilted in his direction when he did this. If he had, this might not have happened. Scar wasn’t paying attention to it either, feeling generally hurt that Grian had gotten it wrong, too annoyed to see how he could’ve gotten out of the situation with ease. “Look, don’t bother lying. It’s rather obvious that you’re purposefully stretching out time to avoid showing me your permits.”

“Well… Yes, but-“

“And the evidence is clear that, besides your rather successful magic industry, you have an extra permit that you’d been planning on setting up, but never had time to use.” The sound of glass sliding against wood was a sound too quiet for either person to pick up, as a potion slowly slipped towards the edge. Grian was staring Scar down, unblinking, as he glared defiantly back. If he was going to fail for honour, he was going to fail for the right honour, gosh darn it!

“Well, kind of, but you see- “

“And therefore, it would be better for all of us if you just hand over your permit, so it can go back in the system, and you’ll get only a slap on the wrist. Sounds fair?” Grian tilted his head, not understanding why Scar was so against this. It wasn’t like he was even going to get in a lot of trouble for this. What on earth could possibly be the matter, he couldn’t tell, which was annoying, since he’d spent a lot of time learning to read people and their intentions, which had saved him from a lot of problems in the long run.

“Would you just listen!?” Scar exclaimed, standing up in such a rush that his feet hit the floor with a very loud thud. And then three things happened in very fast succession, and it’s  very important we know all of them slowly, otherwise things would be incredibly confusing.

First, Grian backed against the wall, hitting it, and held his arms up, looking like he was about to say something about not being allowed to threaten or interrupt workers of the Permit Office whilst doing their job. There was probably a form about it somewhere, which Grian probably knew by heart.

Second, the potion closest to the edge, the one that had started to slide, fell. Scar noticed it then, but not Grian. He made a move towards him, in panic, like he wanted to push Grian out of the way. He didn’t know what exactly the potion was off the top of his head, but it might’ve been something dangerous. And anyway, glass smashing against your head still hurts like hell. But he was too late.

Third, the potion hit Grian, and there was a loud crash followed by a bang and a flash. Scar threw his hands over his ears at the noise, and squeezed his eyes shut. Usually, if a potion fell while he was working on one, he had earplugs in, so the sound was never so bad. He also always had potion proof clothing, which the Permit Office did not, except on special occasions.

After a few moments, Scar looked up, praying that he hadn’t injured, or worse, killed, someone. A Permit Office Manager no less. They’d have his head if they caught wind of that. But he didn’t look dead. In fact, he didn’t look like anything at all, since Scar couldn’t actually see Grian, and for a split second hoped that maybe it had been an invisibility potion, and that was it. Yet no curses came from what seemed to be empty air, no complaints or angry remarks. He looked down at the mess below, the shattered glass and the colourful liquid that was staining the carpet, and his eyes landed on something small.

Oh.

So it was that kind of potion.

Shoot.

. . .

Grian woke up with a horrible throbbing pain in the side of his head. It was not a great way to wake up, and he was missing a pillow and his bed felt strange. Muttering something incomprehensible, he tried turning over to get into a more comfortable position. Why it felt so much like everyday cloth instead of bedsheets, he couldn’t say.

As he lay there, calmly waiting for his alarm to go off as it always did, and relishing in the feeling of extra sleep, his brain slowly recapped what had happened yesterday. A boring day at the office to begin with, then he’d been assigned to go to some guy, Scar Goodtimes, and review his house and permits.

Then what?

His memory was blurry, of the end of the visit, and he could not for the life of him remember what he did next. Frowning in his sleep, or in his half-asleep state, it didn’t matter which it was,  Grian slowly turned over each and every encounter he’d had for breakfast that morning, to how he’d walked to the apartment, not knowing it was a good hours walk, despite what his phone had said, to shouting at Scar about his permits (which was allowed under special circumstances, check form MOTL6511 in the Permit Office rule book), to… to… something hitting his head. And he remembered a strange feeling, and a loud noise, and a bright light. Like a potion effect.

With a sudden sense of foreboding, Grian opened his eyes, sitting bolt upright on whatever he was lying on. His surroundings hit him like a train. He knew immediately that he’d been right about a potion, and he knew exactly what potion had fell on him.

He was lying, on a piece of cloth, on a desk, in a room that was a million times too large for him. From what he could see, the room was Scar’s office, which meant the man hadn’t had the intelligence to bring him to a hospital to get him treated for this. He probably didn’t want to get in trouble. Grian could understand that, but he didn’t have to like it. Hopefully he could bargain with Scar once he turned up.

It was honestly overwhelming, being this small. Everything looked so much more dangerous, and he felt so out of place. He’d managed to mistake a piece of cloth for his bed, albeit with some suspicions. Standing up shakily, he put a hand to his head, feeling bandages. He vaguely noted how textures also felt different to him, yet he could still tell what it was. On a scientific level, that was interesting, since his senses had adjusted to his size somehow, and at the moment, he could only think on scientific levels, because if he thought on personal levels relevant to him, Grian was afraid he’d start screaming.

Footsteps could be heard in the distance, loud for Grian, and far away for him too. He could also hear them coming closer by the second, accompanied by Scar’s voice, who seemed to be singing, but what exactly it was he was singing, Grian couldn’t say. Luckily, that gave him plenty of warning. Enough warning to, in a moment of panic, bolt to the nearest hiding place. In this case, that was behind a plant pot. Grian ducked out of sight just in time, as he heard the creak of the door opening ever so clearly.

“-She seems to have an invisible tou-ch! She takes- Wait, um…” The footsteps paused, and Scar’s voice faltered. “Where on earth…” He heard Scar mutter to himself. “Grian? Are you here?” He called, and Grian, though he didn’t look, could feel Scar’s presence at the desk. Even if he couldn’t, he’d have known he was there.

Grian winced. The volume was way too loud for his now incredibly sensitive ears. He curled up on himself, praying Scar wouldn’t find him, or that he’d at least shut up. Scar did not find him, not immediately anyway, and Grian was getting the feeling that he wasn’t very observant. But he didn’t shut up, instead choosing to pace about the room, talking half to Grian and half to himself, since he didn’t seem entirely certain if Grian was actually there or not.

“You aren’t actually gone, right? There’s no way you could’ve disappeared from there in such little time… unless… but that’s probably not the case…” He spoke in a slightly mumbled tone, but the worry Grian could hear in it was surprising. Maybe since he was injured. He almost felt bad, but the terror and his initial reaction of annoyance to the man back when he was his normal height stopped him from feeling guilty enough to let himself be seen.

Scar sighed. “I guess you must be freaking out right now. I mean, I would too, if I was in your situation. But I really do need to talk to you.” Grian raised an eyebrow, though he knew it was pointless and that it didn’t matter, since literally no one could see him. It was for the principle, or something. He kept listening.

“Look, uh, see, the problem at hand, is that I’m not sure about turning you back to normal.”

That certainly got Grian’s attention. An “excuse me!?” Escaped his mouth before he could stop it, the sheer horror and offence that that sentence had dealt him resulted in himself accidentally giving away his hiding place. Grian curled up on himself, stiff and suddenly as quiet as a mouse. He heard Scar turn his direction, slowly making his way closer and closer to him, like he was afraid Grian would bolt at any sign of sudden movement. To be fair, Grian wasn’t sure he wouldn’t.

Scar’s voice rang out from above again. He sputtered indignantly. “W-well, not exactly! More like a- a- well, um, why don’t you come out so we can discuss it?” When he received no response from Grian, he added hopefully: “I’ll stay on the other side of the room?”

With reluctance, Grian nodded. Then he remembered Scar couldn’t see him, and grumbled (for he wasn’t sure if he spoke in his normal voice it wouldn’t falter) yes. Once he was positive that Grian was in fact on the other side of the room from Scar, not within reachable distance of Scar’s hands, and definitely not within killable distance of Scar’s anything, Grian got up shakily. He hesitantly stepped out into the open, his heart racing, hands clammy, feeling ever so slightly sick to his stomach.

It was even more terrifying now that he could actually view just how big Scar was compared to him. He’d made some rough calculation when he’d first woken up, which was why he’d avoided Scar to begin with, but now, looking up at him, Grian could see that no calculation would ever have prepared him for this. A dizziness overtook him for a moment, and Grian swayed, just a little bit, where he stood. Scar, standing too far away to see him properly, didn’t notice. If Scar standing so far away already gave him this sort of feeling, Grian couldn’t even begin to imagine how it would feel when he came across his coworkers in this state, or his friends. He also didn’t trust that Scar wouldn’t just walk over here, not caring if Grian had or hadn’t given his consent.

He had every right not to trust the man.

To the untrained eye, one would say he looked at ease with the situation, like he’d experienced similar ones on the job before. A trained eye would point out how he wasn’t looking directly at Scar, how his nails were digging into the palms of his hands, and he stood like he was made of stone. The only eyes upon him though, were the ones of Scar, and they, again, couldn’t tell. Taking a deep breath in, Grian started talking with relative calmness, a sharp difference compared to how he actually felt. Years of practicing his voice, since a lot of the time he spent talking over speaker when speaking to people who wanted an argument with the Permit Office. Those people were always Dealt With.

“Mister Scar Goodtimes, are you aware of the problems you have brought upon yourself?” He asked. Grian always tried to bring himself to a sense of authority, it was a habit he had a hard time breaking. Even in a situation like this, he still searched for any bit of leverage he could use to hold over the person he was speaking to. Scar responded with hesitance. “I think so, yes. That would be accidentally harming a Permit Manager and accidentally using a potion effect against them?”

Grian was about to agree, but remembered to add the rest. “And also lying about your permits to the Permit Office.” Scar nodded, looking a little guilty as he did so. “Erm, yes. About what my job is.” Frowning, Grian looked right up at the towering figure, immediately regretting it as he was washed over with another wave of nausea. He found he was also unable to look away. “No, it- it was about an unused permit, wasn’t-“

A thought struck him. You could see the realisation sneakily creep its way onto Grian’s face as he stared up in complete shock and, if he was being with himself, also with some form of respect for what had to be an absolute madman. “You… you’re not telling me…” He began, trying to doubt what he had just deduced. The madman in question averted his eyes, looking horribly embarrassed.

“I converted my whole apartment, I run a successful business, and I don’t even have the permit for it.” Scar confirmed.

Wow.

Grian nearly facepalmed at the sheer stupidity of that. But he didn’t, because his fear overtook his want to scoff at idiocy in its finest form, which was apparently this man. “Right, so that adds gaslighting to the table”, he muttered, and much to his surprise, because he’d been completely genuine about that, Scar laughed. “Right, right, obviously.” And then his face turned serious, and Grian felt a horrible sense of nervousness and dread. “See, I don’t actually want these charges to be put on me…”

Scar kept talking, saying things like “just until I know it’s safe”, “I’m truly really sorry about this but”, and “I promise this situation won’t be bad for you”. He sounded rather horrified at the words coming out of his mouth, and on some level, Grian understood. Scar had just been doing, and was doing, what he needed to to survive. During his time at the Permit Office, there had been plenty of moments as he sent people off to goodness knows where, questioning his own morals and sanity as he did so. But the answer had sadly always been obvious. His life or theirs, in some shape or form.

It was also the moment that, deep down, Grian realised he was going to be like this for some time. That he wasn’t going to see his friends or family for a while. It didn’t actually register, because his brain didn’t want it to register, until much, much, later.

. . .

Scar thought that conversation had gone rather well. Sure, the contents of the conversation weren’t pleasant, but at least Grian hadn’t started screaming, or tried to jump off the table, or threaten him or something.

Look, he’d had a lot of worries about what could’ve gone wrong, okay? But instead, the Permit Manager Grian had been very complacent. Almost too complacent. It was kind of unnerving. It might’ve been a Permit Office thing, but he had a suspicion it was how the poor guy dealt with it.

It was technically keeping someone else imprisoned. He’d basically kidnapped someone. That was not a fun thought to think, but Scar was doing it for himself. He’d heard horror stories about people getting into trouble with the Permit Office, never to return. Or worse, return with a personality that wasn’t theirs. Scar didn’t want that happening to him, obviously.

Even if that meant hiding a tiny Permit Worker for long enough to convince him not to report him to the authorities. It sounded like it could work in theory? Probably? But Scar didn’t have time to test it, he’d been thrown straight into field work.

Grian had been left alone on the desk. Scar had promised to come back with food, but he wasn’t sure Grian would let him anywhere near him. Understandable, yes, because he had every right not to trust him, but they were going to have to make an agreement about it sometime soon. After all, they were living together now

Speaking of which, what did Grian eat? Did he have allergies? Medical issues? Scar was ashamed he hadn’t thought about it sooner, he had this problem all the time when he went to visit people. They never asked, and then never had the potions he used to be able to stand without pain. Then he’d either need a cane or a chair, or he’d have to dig into his emergency supply. Scar made a mental note to ask Grian the next time he saw him. Hopefully that would also prove that he cared. Hopefully.

Cutting up carrots, because you could never go wrong there, Scar pondered how tiny portions would look. He’d seen some videos with them online, but those were more for look and style than taste and texture. And he wasn’t even a professional chef. Sure, he could bake real well, and sometimes sold pastries at the market (which didn’t need a permit, all of the stalls fell under the market permit which belonged to the person hosting the market, just to be completely clear) but he wasn’t sure he could bake that delicately. He’d have to follow some tutorials, probably.

Either way, Scar was determined to make this situation the best it could be, despite the circumstances. He’d get Grian to trust him. And he’d start small. 

With carrots.

. . .

taglist: @i-am-beckyu, @da3dm, @faeiyn-cant-write, @boiled-ginger-ale, @local-squshmallow, @akatthatwants2sleep, @vocal-nyx-cords (if you want to be tagged, lmk for what!)

[obstinatecondolement]

Rape content warning

I'm glad to see more people talking about N. G**man because like. It has not seemed like he's faced a lot of professional consequences thus far. And, like, I don't want this to turn into a situation where he's able to spin it as all Terrible Lies meant to malign him and then continue to hurt people who believe him, and it felt for a long time like that's exactly what was going to happen because very few people wanted to reckon with it emotionally who were currently or had been fans of his.

I was a fan of his work for many years. I thought he was a bit of a twat for a good bit of that time, but I liked him as a writer and it would be a lie to pretend I didn't. I thought the Calliope story was upsetting and gratuitous when I read a random Sandman trade paperback in the library as a teenager, but I did not Always Know and nor do I think that it was a smoking gun we were all fools to have missed. Lots of people write gruesome stories involving graphic sexual assault who are not rapists. I think he probably did write it with some self awareness, but do I know that he was self aware about how what he was (allegedly) doing mirrored the plot and why he was being a hypocrite when he wrote this story? No, and I don't think that's important. I believe that he is a serial rapist and abuser with a long and clear pattern of behaviour that I don't think he was ever going to change. I hope he does. I don't think anyone should ever trust that he has. But I think that is more important than his writing, and whether or not it's good (craft) or good (moral). I don't want a powerful man to have unfettered access to vulnerable people to abuse.

I'm glad that I've been decluttering books anyway and I can get rid of the copies I have of his work without it feeling like a whole Thing. I don't think people who read them and like them are evil or that it's impossible or fundamentally immoral to enjoy the art of people who have done terrible things, but I don't want to read those books ever again, and if I can give some people the means of buying his stuff secondhand so he doesn't get the sale, then that's fucking great as far as I'm concerned. It will make absolutely no tangible difference to him financially and is basically just an impotent symbolic gesture on my part, but getting rid of them makes me feel better.

[cephalofrog]

so. the greater will huh

the real elden ring experience is hours-long journeys of attempting to create a giant overarching lore theory just so that you have an answer to questions like "so what's with those extra snakes messmer summons anyway"

I think that the DLC pretty much confirms there is a clear distinction between what the greater will wants and what the golden order believes in - those two things aren't necessarily the same, and how much they align is impossible to determine. if you assume that the GW has abandoned metyr, and therefore the fingers, ever since the beginning, that implies that a huge chunk of the beliefs of the GO are just metyr communicating to marika what she thinks her absent parent would actually want.

I don't think we'll ever have a 100% solid answer on which parts of the GO's guiding principles are metyr and which are marika, but frankly I think that's more fun to be left up to interpretation. like we can guess omens being shunned is pretty much 100% marika but something like confining destined death? maybe that's metyr taking a shot in the dark? unfortunate that it probably required marika to fight her own kid (melina lore mentioned oaauauhgh) if that's the case huh?

another interesting thing is what the GW's abandonment of its most direct children - the elden beast and metyr - says about the GW itself. the principles of the GW and the GO are vaguely aligned around the concept of "order", but I personally interpret the who GW abandoning the entire lands between thing as meaning that whatever the GW wants, it's either so incomprehensible or so unreasonable that even with direct contact to the GW metyr and the elden beast were still just left grasping at straws until it gave up and abandoned them, leaving them just trying whatever they can think of that might bring it back. marika's "betrayal" of the GW, her shattering of the elden ring, is met by the elden beast imprisoning her in the erdtree - maybe it thinks if it shows a suitable willingness to punish this god who dares defy its parent it'll stop being left on read?

this game really is just shitty parents all the way down.

anyway I guess that's what I believe about why marika shattered the elden ring. she found out that it was, from the start, based upon a lie - the greater will had no part in it, so why not shatter it, allowing her to rebuild it however she could want? (maybe that would allow her to bring back godwyn, or else grant him a true death?) unfortunately for her, the answer to that question turned out to be "because there's a giant space worm that will imprison and torment you if you do that".

also I initially started this train of thought after noticing ymir mentions humans? sentient lifeforms? as also being children of the GW ("we, too, are children of the greater will") but there's not much to say about that - they were abandoned along with the rest of its children, and ymir's plan is basically just entirely based on this, with him getting you to kill/get rid of metyr in hopes that this would make the GW notice him as a new favourite child and give him the powers to become the new mother of fingers. seems it doesn't work.

(as for messmer's snakes, due to the GW being mentioned to involve a "lightless abyss", I interpret them as being like... formed from the inverse of the GW itself (similarly to the scadutree being the inverse of the erdtree) and originating from the same abyss where it resides, meaning that they're technically on the same level as the elden beast and metyr in terms of direct connection to the GW but don't really seem to care much about it, aside from eiglay who I interpret as being an abyssal serpent who somehow left the abyss and so I guess became a regular serpent. messmer himself is both human and also an abyssal serpent, with his body able to serve as a conduit to that abyss once the seal is removed, allowing both himself (as an abyssal serpent) and other abyssal serpents through.)

[frostyclove]

am too tired to record this one i think. here is what i would have said about the episode. want a nap. its 8am.

my thoughts on the well - what would be my like 10 minute video on it

8.75, round it up to a 9. What an episode. 

Now I must say - im about to go seriously spoilers btw leave now please  - I have never really been a fan of the original episode. I know. It’s a great episode. That doesnt mean I like it. Welcome to objectivity vs subjectivity. With that in mind - it was a really good episode! I hated it ! I was on the edge of my seat in terror but in the not fun way (and to be clear - only doctor who ever achieves the not fun way. Midnight, The impossible planet, night terrors, murder on the orient express, 73 yards. I generally prefer moffats version of it, because he at least caves and gives a reason or slight explanation for everything, ie the 12 three parter, sleep no more, oxygen, under the lake before the flood, flatline. I could go on. Obviously most of those are actually another writer, but, theyre in the Moffat era so go with it. 

The doctor and Belinda kinda sorta getting married??? Taking note of that. May be important later.

Obsessed with having toxic back truly phenomenal 

Anyways the tardis is all sterile because its a doctor and a nurse in it its a hospital so its sterile I take no more complaints about it 

Really ~jumping into the action~ on this episode (bar the pun in sure Russell thought he was so silly with that)

I love the arrogance f the doctor unssuiting - just for it to quite literally screw them over (technically it was the doctors need to know that did but the suits didn’t help) 

The thing is I unfortunately do just love ncuti as the doctor. No matter what he does I think I’ll like it. 

For someone that doesnt want to be here Belinda is honestly doing so well and keeping up and having so much fun lying and playing the part and shes great at it truly iconic 

Cassio was the worst thats kinda all im gonna say there. Wouldn’t listen to anybody but himself. Like just stop moving bud. Honestly what a way to get rid of half the cast though kinda respect that was efficient as hell while also realllyyyy serving the narrative 

Also to be completely silly but also serious - so it’s like Clara, river, a small handful of people that actually know his name. Meaning - technically - the chances of Clara, in a face of boy kind of way, being the midnight entit, is technically possible. It would actually kinda make sense to tbh she is that bonkers for it (please dont do this Russell im mostly joking about) 

I love (painfully hate) when a could be companion dies. It’s always so mean of the writers. But such a nice emotional note narratively im sorry im a sucker for tragedy in fiction

Oh and - the earth is gone again! Im pretty sure its disappeared from one day on - im going to ponder a guess and say its something to do with the one guy from 73 yards coming back again and with ruby no longer with the entity thing he never became un-preident or something of the sort basically we nuked the planet off the face of the earth therefore no more humans no more earth no more impact on the future ~ kind of thing. Conrad when I catch you I know you have something to do with this 

Also sorry - didn’t the behind you part also mean that the midnight entity had possessed the thing that was behind aliss? Or did I misunderstand that part? Which could explain the ending and numbers - the thing behind her went with her in the pod, the entity stayed. i wonder if it ever actually even went into Belinda, or if she just felt like it. Idk. I think this may be the point of the entity and all , but it could have very easily hopped onto the other one, making the entire sacrifice pointless! And I kinda love that its a lovely twist for the vile-ness of the creature - and if this is the case we have only seen the creature it inhabited (which looked kinda like the creatures from hide) rather than the midnight entity itself

I loved the moment where the whole plan was made. That was nice. Normally its just throw stuff run a bit and talk and hope it works out. But he actually took a moment to make a plan and communicate it. Look at the doctor growing and learning 

So what is going on with the vindicator ? Why does flood want to know about it? Is she following it? Im so curious 

The grime on the set truly added to it that was really nice 

ALSO the lighting and set design on this episode - the way it goes from the tardis brightness to the dullness of the planet to the gorgeous golden orange hue of the hallway… creative team you deserve so much love well done 

Loved the ‘hope is irrelevant’ bit - because I so deeply disagree and the whole point by the end is that it is relevant ugh I love it 

People have been mentioning the want for things to remind the doctor of the danger and all of that and how Belinda should outright be like ‘no doctor. Youre dangerous. I hate you . Goodbye’ but like… killing off side characters does that just as well and often can pack (as seen in this episode) just as much of a punch

“What we should have done in the first place - nuke this site from orbit” - I cant help but wonder if this adds to the missing earth thoughts ive been having. That could very easily be some RTD foreshadowing bad-wolf style 

Also well and truly poor aliss girl just wanted to make some food and all of a sudden everyones killing each other like she was handling herself very well given the circumstances

can we take a moment for the subtitles those are cool as hell can we get those irl ? But also …. I feel like the tardis should be able to get an upgrade that would do that but im not sure how it could

And Take note from Belinda Chanda how easy it is to go “well we aren’t quite there yet but we absolutely should be’ and remember that we aren’t dealing with a monster of epic proportions and to go fix the problems we do have (in this case - ablism) 

The directing when the doctor steps forward was damn weird but im guessing that was either because ncuti wasn’t on set so it was a stand in OR it was to keep the doctor from dying based on the spacing and all that but I honestly cannot tell

Simolin is going to matter later. I dont know how. But they keep mentioning it by name. 

Something about Belinda being the first one to notice. She looks to deeply at things. And yet even being the one to notice, she manages to not actually be bought into the fight of it all. Even looking at the thing that is meant to absolutely screw her mind up - it doesnt. Belinda has a psyche of steel and I cant wait to see how that will later impact with whatever the hell is going on with missing earth. Not only does she see right through the doctor, but she sees right through the entity. She doesnt lose communication , she continually blames herself… she may end up noticing stuff in the next few episodes. Pay attention to where her attention is. She may be one of the smartest companions to companion (simply due to her 

The wars came. Diamonds. Everything is making me think about S3 finale. About utopia. About the S4 finale. The bees. I —— theres something here. 

Belinda definetly had a crush on Mo 

Am a bit confused why aliss was lying about the thing behind her but it is what it is 

Love the use of a diagram me too Belinda gal 

Im fairly certain it’s been implied that it might be part of the pantheon - but we will never know. Which feels like a good balance on that. On that note - This season, with all the pantheon stuff, is actually covering a really interesting aspect - what happens when the villains just, enjoy it. When they destroy things for fun? And how no matter what you say to them, they simply want to keep having fun. Because for them the destruction is fun. And I cant help but notice its at the same time that many world leaders are doing the exact. Same. Thing. What is the line between the pantheon and them, outside of them being fictional gods? Do they not act the same? Treat others the same? Even though they didn’t cornifm it as part of the pantheon, they confirmed it was just as willing and excited to destroy as they were. You dont have to be one of the gods to aim to be as destructive of them. and how we (like the doctor) very much do have the power to stop them. We just have to actually try. Which of course we can at least get a start on by bringing back woke with a force but we gotta S3 it and actually work together on that stuff. 

“Please dont turn your back on me” already obviously means a lot because aliss is deaf and literally cant communicate if he does, but also because thats how this entity kills. continuing on my last point, if you let yourself turn your back on a group (uk ; trans people , us ; immigrants, I could go on) you are choosing to allow the possibility of them being killed. Im sure someone will write a much better version of that (please im begging its a very important point) but thats just my preliminary thoughts on that 

God this episode has a crazy bodycount omg 

Ncuti is such a phenomal actor he truly deserves so many awards I just… hes so perfect for this role I do just love him so dearly 

Shaya is her name <3 

The little run motion he does is just so cute omg I know y’all hate space babies but I do just love seeing the doctor being all cute and silly 

Okay also I do think there is something to the boom of it all. In both episode 3’s , a companion mostly dead? Varada in both? 

Ack doctor who is so mean what do you mean im crying again quit killing butches omg. Basically gave a doctor ass speech. Ugh. Tears. Ouch. Well done. Congrats you made it hurt well done. 

I love Belindas like ‘okay im not dead not immediately pivoting - where the hell did earth go’ she did not waste even a moment 

“Bravery in the face of impossible odds” CLARA SPLINTER CLARA SPLINTER CLARA SPLINTER” I yell as they drag me away 

Also preemptively - Conrad I hate you I haven’t met you yet but I hate you 

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 18: Rotterdam

This is one of those episodes that I don't listen to much, and now that I have I'm really not sure why because it's so, so funny.

For a bunch of the other write-ups I've done, I've generally sidelined the humor- in a "well obviously this is funny, let's talk about some other thing about it instead" kind of way. And I'm going to talk about other kinds of things related to this episode, but I do want to start with how hilarious it is because it's basically perfect from that perspective. All four of the main cast are at the top of their game, and if anything having Martin and Douglas be confronted by their potential replacements only accentuates even more what makes them awesome, and their actors so good at playing them as extremely distinctive characters. All of the jokes about movie-making and airplane safety demos are super funny, and for an episode with a relatively straightforward and uncomplicated plot, the humor and the set pieces need to be top notch and thankfully they are.

This is also the kind of episode that relies on the visual humor that comes from making audio comedy- everything relies on us imagining what the characters are describing/inferring, which a) makes the writing and performing of the dialogue so important and b) allows us that moment of putting pieces together that makes things just a little bit funnier. The comparative descriptions of Carolyn and Douglas in the life jackets, and which fruit they can be compared to, are hilarious not only because it shows us Douglas being punished for making fun of Carolyn when she did the video, but because by doing it via audio they force us to imagine Douglas as looking far worse than Carolyn, which would be potentially doable but a lot less foolproof in a visual scene.

And speaking of Douglas... I always get some schadenfreude from seeing Douglas suffer, if only because he doesn't seem to very much. But I wonder if I'd have the same feeling about it if I'd listened in broadcast order rather than alphabetical, because in broadcast order Rotterdam came right after Ottery St Mary, another Douglas-suffers episode. As it is now, I feel like he's getting a bit more of what's coming to him but in a relatively balanced way (he did, after all, just flatten Martin in Qik and Paris)- I'm curious about people's impressions of these two episodes sequentially.

(It makes me wonder about some other plotlines this season, as well; listening to this right after Qik made Martin's grasping for whatever dignity he can get out of his rank feel a bit more urgent, and even though he didn't get any at the end, his general emotional victory this episode is very satisfying as a bit of a post-Qik followup, and a nice foreshadower that Martin's fortunes will start to turn next season. In the broadcasted season, the episodes are very far apart. And I also think that this episode being so long after Ottery St Mary, with that episode being right after Newcastle all the way at the beginning of the season, made Herc and his role here feel a bit more lived-in than I'd imagine it would feel to have Newcastle, Ottery St Mary, and Rotterdam right in a row. But I'm curious about people's opinions!)

The other thing that occurred to me in the context of previous episodes this season is- I'm kind of sad that JF got rid of the cold opens. Those were always really fun in S1-2. Ah well.

Anyway, a really great episode that I've apparently been SIGNIFICANTLY underrating... that is definitely heading right back into my usual rotation! Tomorrow, of course, an episode that is impossible to underrate, my favorite one of all...

[plzignr]

My biggest pet peeve about sci-fi fleet battles

one of my biggest gripes in the sci-fi genre as a person who much prefers hard sci-fi than soft sci-fi is that often times they have these large scale fleet battles. Large scale ship battles in which other large ships shoot each other within visual range. Think about all those scenes from Star Wars.

Stuff like this is very fun to watch, but it has the problem often referred to as 'planes in space'. A lot of these scenes are based on scenes about WWII pilots and WWI dogfights.

You can see the parralels in the GIF above and below:

But the reason all these dogfight moves work for planes is due to physics, using the properties of gravity, air resistance, and lift to outmanuever your opponent to line up a shot while making sure your opponent can't line one up on you.

The problem with that is, in orbit, literally none of that is applicable because SPAAAAACE.

In space there is no air resistance, there is no, lift, and gravity plays a much smaller roll in the maneuverability of a craft than inertia, momentum & fuel do. So all of those manuevers don't make any sense to pull off, because a tailed vessel can just use it momentum to move in the same direction it and just turn around to fire on the one following it, and that would be if there was even an extremely unlikely scenario where two space vessels were actually within visual range.

In space there wouldn't ever be a need for vessels to be in visual range. Why? Essentially because space is BIG and EMPTY and because space is BIG and EMPTY, it means that radiation travels *exceedingly* well, at least compared to in most other mediums.

And if radiation travels *exceedingly well* then you can target your opponent from literally *astronomically* large distances.

It wouldn't make sense to have any warships or fighters like there is for warfare on a planet. Every bit of mass you add means more fuel for the vessel, which would mean less maneuverability & less actual travel distance if they operate under the same laws of physics as we do in our reality. (I give Star Wars a slight pass for the Empire because they are within the lore primarily designed for space to planet warfare & for the empire to transport an occupational ground force on various planets, the rebels have no excuse though).

Instead, you could have a variety of small rockets, that could travel farther and faster, catch up to your opponent and take them out without ever placing your own vessel at risk. This is a consequence of inertia. Very basically, with the less mass you have in the same geometric configuration, the easier it is for that thing to change directions.

If you do this the vessel you are targeting has two choices, get rid of all those rockets before they hit their own vessel, or get out of the way. As we established previously, smaller rocket, less mass, less mass more maneuverability, so getting out of the way of the rocket without electronically disabling a guidance system or something to that effect is essentially impossible anyway. The other option (a way to get rid of all the rockets before they hit the craft) is to do something like this:

By having the rockets detonate a safe distance away the vessel can be kept safe. Now this method of protection can be overwhelmed with sheer numbers if you fire more rockets than the craft can disable, you can guarantee a hit.

This however ignores once again that space is BIG and EMPTY.

again, radiation travels *very well* in space, because there's basically nothing to get in the way from where it was generated to where the target is. Meaning that the more efficient thing to do is use LASERS!

And if you are using lasers there isn't any time to actually dodge.

So since L.a.s.e.r beams travel faster than any rocket, or other propelled matter, because you know, light application by stimulated emitted radiation travels at, well the speed of light, with no cost other than the energy needed why would you use anything else?

Now granted your enemy will probably expect this and adjust thier craft design accordingly adding retroreflective surfaces but this would essentially be a band-aid. Again, space is BIG, and EMPTY. And while this means that radiation travels exceedingly well, it also means that radiation is the ***only*** method of cooling.

Radiative cooling is slooooooooooooow.

So as the heat from the laser transfers some amount of heat into their system their environment within their craft will also slowly start to heat up. So in a space battle, the thing that will kill you won't be a hole in the hull, but the heat throughout.

Just once I would like a space battle to follow that idea, something akin to this:

Imagine some poor sod, out in the depths of space, just minding thier business, then a flash of bright light occurs, all the ships alarms start blaring about system failure from heat overload. Thinking quickly the poor sod vents all the heat into one room by siphoning off some of the environmental air supply and shunting it into space. It gets down just low enough to be safe, risking it, they vent a little more air, dawning their spacesuit just in case and preparing 02 candles to get more air in the ship. The ships scanners automatically track the angle of attack and fire back blindly hoping the enemy hasn't had enough time to move from where the fires, or are a least wide enough to get hit on a wide beam. There's tense minutes that pass while the scanners continue the search for a high heat signature from a small object, at least small when compared to the blinding fire of the stars, something that must be there now after a hit like that. Thankfully the scanners pick up on the enemy heat signature, our poor sod notes the size of the enemy vessel. It radiators are deployed venting as much heat as it can into the vacuum. The enemies radiators are twice the size of their own, not good. In an exchange like this of laser fire to laser fire the enemy is clearly going to win. Time to play dead. Our sod might be poor, but they're clever. The let the 02 candles burn, slow and steady, letting the heat from it exude into the ship. All the while letting their own crafts radiators run a minimum capacity. To the enemy craft it will look like they are pulling all the stops to deal with the single shot already fired. Instead they are waiting. Biding their time. The inside of their own craft is sweltering, they can feel it through their suit now, they don't stop, steadily the keep building the heat, letting more and more air out from the candles. They haven't been fired on again, yet. That's a good sign, seems like their opponent either doesn't want to melt their own ship, or wants to preserve the one they fired on. Either way, that means the advantage of the situation has shifted. The interior ship feels like it's nearly on fire now even through the suit, still the radiators are kept at minimum capacity. It has to look like they're putting everything into cooling the ship.

The ploy pays off. The detect a new heat signature on the enemy vessel. They're on approach. They might have been Pirates, or maybe something else. Hardly matters now. Just few more minutes to go.

Main drives are tricky. It's the biggest source of heat input on any vessel, and even worse while the vessel is accelerating you can't have the radiators out. The forces from the change in momentum alone would rip most them from most ships. That's the out our sod needs.

When it becomes clear the enemy is on an intercept course with our sods ship, they finally put thier plan into action.

They dump the air. All of it. All that built up heat is thrust into the vacuum of space. The ship responds immediately, the interior feels like it just went from the near inferno of an oven to an ice-box. Our sod finally sets the cooling of the radiators to their maximum capacity of the ship. The enemy vessel cuts their main drive as soon as the see it, but it's too late for them. Our sod fires thier own laser, three quick shots at max power. a dangerous manuever in its own right, but with the ship at near freezing from dumping the air it can handle the rapid fire it just enough.

It wouldn't have been enough on its own, but with the addition of the enemy just using its main drive, it was.

Our sod finally retracts their own radiators, kicks on their main drive and begins to accelerate away. If they're lucky the enemy fired at maximum range initially, that might mean they can keep the distance between them just enough to avoid being fired on again. The nearest friendly planet is two AUs out. Our sods got the fuel to make the brachistochrone curve to get there, hopefully they can get planetside before the enemy can get in range and fire again, but that's still just a guess. A small hope a flicker in the cold void. It's still the best option they have, & they'll be damned if they don't at least try to make it.

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

i just wanted to say that i am a huge fan of dick (your oc not the appendage -_-) from what i've seen in his tag he just fascinates me. your mind is magnificent etc etc..

I cannot thank you enough for saying this. He says hi

:-) <-thats him

he's my player character for a ttrpg im doing...his name is dick wayne, erectile dysfunction joke partially intended (he's trans!) & also batman reference intended. he's basically a play on the stereotype of the dumb brute, I made him to play with a lot of ideas about vigilantism and violence in the family that are woven throughout the rpg. He's become a bit murky and complicated as a character because I use him so much as an outlet. The core concept of him is as a powerful guy who treats his body like a tool that he hands over to someone else to use however they see fit. He ran away from his mom as a kid but he never was able to get away from the ideas she taught him...when he was fresh out of (dropping out of) college he fell in with an older man who stoked his anger issues and taught him to fight crime. They took in a kid together! And in the end he wasn't able to stop the man from teaching those same ideas to their kid, passing the violence on.

A LOT has happened in the rpg at this point, he's almost died about 20 times, he's got like one and a half boyfriends and the one boyfriend has another version of himself who's pretty hot, etc. Now he's at a crossroads and he's trying to get better for the wrong reasons. Trying to rid himself of violence so he doesn't "infect" anyone else with it, not because he wants to get better. He's struggling with the growing horror of realizing that he has power over his own life, which means that everything that's happened because of his passivity is on his shoulders. And things are about to get worse! He's gonna die and get resurrected, for the SECOND TIME, and come back as a shambling zombie who's also kinda fey, still very powerful in all the wrong ways.

My concept is that he'll ultimately learn how to give up the one thing that he believes makes him useful and loved--his ability to fight for & protect people--in order to have a shot at real peace and contentment. before he died the second time (a really great phrase) he was a mechanic! it was the only thing he had that was his, that brought him satisfaction even through everything. he's constantly commenting on people's cars in the rpg, which is partially my own way of living out my car guy fantasies. and he has a car that's his best friend (named daisy.) I have this idea that after he gets resurrected, he'll have lost all the knowledge he had about cars, all the muscle memory, everything from this one skill that kept him tethered to the world and grounded in his own body and humanity. And at the end of the story, he'll slowly start to teach himself those skills again. Because it's not about competence, it's about the love of the work, and the love is still there! It's basically the idea of--there's no going back or undoing what's been done to you, or what you've done to yourself. the conventional happy ending (the world is saved, the status quo is restored, hurts are mended) is essentially impossible after horrible trauma. Things have changed, there are still scars, you're still older and you're still in the life all that stuff happened in. But taking the step to take care of yourself despite all that is better than a happy ending--it's meeting your life where it's at, looking at it honestly and making a commitment to it.

forgive me for being sappy i just am very invested in this. Dick is important to me at all times but especially right now cause I'm trying to use him as inspiration to deal with my own struggle to . well. give up the one thing I believe makes me useful and loved in order to have a shot at real peace and contentment.

anyway. dick wayne! he's a bear! he's a slut! he's even aro!

i love you thank you for the ask. hope you're doing great<33

[sunnywalnut]

For my tboys(and anyone else) that want to try transtape but are in way over your heads:

-get waterproof muscle tape instead. It's basically the same thing but cheaper. And you can get it in bulk on the Big Daddy Bezos Website

-depending on the size of your chest, you'll need enough to cover it and then add an extra two inches or so. The extra length is so that you don't have too much tension

-round out the corners of your tape with scissors. It's okay if it isn't perfect. All you really need is to make sure there isn't any sharp edges that are going to lift when you shower/move

-rid your skin of all oils before applying tape. You can do soap and water and wait for it to dry completely, or just wipe yourself down with rubbing alcohol. I usually do rubbing alcohol. It's faster.

-if you stretch the tape too far, it can and will rip your skin. This usually starts as your skin feeling tight or itchy. This is because your skin is stretching too far. Take the tape off. Try again. Less tension this time.

-you want around 25% of the tape to not be stretched at all. This is your anchor point. Usually somewhere underneath your armpit.

-for the love of the universe, PLEASE cover your nipples. A thin piece of gauze, bandaids, whatever. Just cover them. They're sensitive as fuck and if you get tape on them, you could possibly rip them off, rip out the hair surrounding them, or just have a really uncomfortable time. Trust me. It's not fun. Keep those bad boys safe.

-transtape/muscle tape is generally hypoallergenic, however make sure you look into it anyways. If they don't tell you what's in it, run the other way. Chemical rash is no fucking joke and makes it IMPOSSIBLE to wear your binder afterwards.

-while you can apply tape standing up(and most do) you can also apply it laying down on your back. Some people say this is for people with larger chests bc gravity or whatever, but honestly. I say anyone should do it. Less unneeded tension added, and also you don't have to angle yourself all weird just to work against gravity. Plus this is a win for those of us with back pain. Easier, faster, and much more comfortable. Wins all around.

-you can get muscle tape that is up to 4 inches wide. However. I find the regular 2 inches is fine for me. Just make sure you don't overlap the tape too much. More chance of peeling that way.

-IF YOU SHOWER WITH YOUR TAPE ON, MAKE SURE IT'S JUST WARM. I CANNOT stress this enough. Just because it's WATER proof does not mean it is HEAT proof. And also rubbing on top of the tape is not good. Instead, wash the skin around the tape and try not to rub at the edges. You can always clean the skin underneath after you take the tape off.

-try not to wear tape for longer than 2-3 days and shower/clean thoroughly afterwards. Bacteria still grows underneath, even though it is covered. Pat dry. Your skin may be sensitive from being under glue. That's normal.

-THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR: extremely itchy skin on application site. Redness. Swelling. Tiny "pinpricks" of red(this is your skin beginning to tear). Open sores. Skin breaking open when scratched lightly(again. Tearing). While these all may LOOK like symptoms of an allergic reaction, don't freak out!! You likely just have your tape on too tight. Take it off and give your body time to heal. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT put body tape over open wounds. It is VERY POSSIBLE that it can cause tearing, infections, and other not very good side effects. And please. If your skin itches or starts to tear, remove the tape. I still have scars from when I ignored mine, thinking it was just normal. And that was on my hands.

Sources:

And personal trial and error^^

Be safe!!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Upcoming Elections

Both the US and the UK are coming up on elections this year, and the usual notifications are coming up - hell, I've posted them myself - about how people are going to try to convince you that there's no point in voting because both parties are the same, and that it's a psyop by the Republicans / Conservatives, etc. And in the US, that's probably true. But I did want to say something about the whole deal in the UK, because I actually live here, and there's one problem with that theory.

That theory doesn't hold true when we're hearing it directly from the Leader of the Opposition.

Those of us in the UK have heard Kier Starmer saying, time and again, how he will fall into lockstep with the Tories on so many issues. He's spoken in support of teachers outing transgender kids to their parents. He's refusing to condemn the genocide in Gaza. He's going to continue to 'bolster the NHS with private contracts', which basically means stealth privatisation of the service and already cost us billions during the early days of COVID. Just about every nasty policy the Tories have put out there the last few years, Starmer has more or less agreed with. I'm not sure where he stands about this stupid Rwanda thing, but he is a lawyer so I'm pretty sure that at the very least he's wary of breaking international law.

The worst part is that it feels like we're damned either way. If we don't vote Starmer, our not-two-party-system-BUT is arranged in such a way that the Tories will probably win again. This will bolster the far right element and things will get worse for us. However, if we do vote Labour ... well, Starmer's going to go on about "See, that's how you win an election" and carry on with his Tory-With-A-Red-Tie mentality, and the Tories will go, "Well, obviously we need to go further right to win the next one", and get absolutely fucking feral about it. And the Tories probably will win next time because the absolute mess the Tories have made of the economy and everything else is impossible to fix in five years, and everyone will blame Labour for it because they have the mental capacity of goldfish.

I mean, I'm going to vote Labour anyway. My borough is one of the safest of safe Labour seats, but I'm going to do it anyway. People keep saying, "Vote Green!" but ... I'm sorry, no matter how important that one issue is, I will not vote for a one-issue party. The Lib Dems have become basically wallpaper at this point, and there aren't a lot of other political entities in my borough. I mean, the absolute best we could do by voting third-party is to force a hung Parliament, but I mistrust that kind of thing ever since the Conservative / Lib Dem coalition in 2010, which was the start of this whole mess.

Anyway, I'm going to vote Labour even though I know what they are and what they're doing because I cannot imagine aiding and abetting the Tories at this point. I can hope that Starmer, who has been very cagey about his manifesto to stop the Tories from spending time during Prime Minister's Questions trying to use it as ammunition against having to actually answer the man's questions, is further to the left than he appears. Then again, we live in a capitalist hellscape and I would guess not? But at least he doesn't want to send refugees to Rwanda. Maybe. Maybe he'll actually respect international law. And maybe he'll even get rid of the idiotic voter ID laws which Jacob Rees-Mogg admitted was deliberate gerrymandering on live television and no one batted a fucking eye. In fact, Rees-Mogg said, "We just have to do it more effectively" and then there were even more draconian laws put into place around postal votes, and again, no one seemed to care.

It's sad when all the hope we can cling to in these cases is "Maybe the other guy won't be a literal criminal" ... but I guess the US knows that one too.

[erigold13261]

Dream last night

My dream last night from what I remember started off with me as some alcoholic teenager being harassed by a group of preppy assholes. We all had powers so they thought they were better than me since I never used mine and I was always drinking some alcoholic potion I made to keep me sane during school. Well I did have some kind of power where I could at least make a hoverboard and I used it and was going super fast, fast enough to reliably go on the highway.

Well the asshole kids thought I was cool after seeing my power/hoverboard and tried to befriend me but I just gave them my drinks I made or a real version of my hoverboard (not a temporary one I could make disappear at will) and moved away from them. Like they were legitimately now trying to be friends with me and I could not care less lol. 

Anyway, one day I was leaving the school/training area after the assholes tried to invite me out to hang out. I just gave them my drink and went out doing some cool tricks and being speedy. I got to the highway but I was so out of it that I didn’t even realize the crash scene or the piles of bodies littering the street for a solid minute. It looked like something out of a zombie film. 

Well I ended up getting chased by some police or something because, well I had powers and they were being dicks and wanted to pin the blame on me. I pulled over to a bridge area and got off the highway and just stood by the water while the cops tried to pin the blame on me. Well the asshole kids were following me for some reason and explained I was innocent and was just at our school/training facilities. 

I think I was let go or something, I don’t really remember. What I explained all of this for is because I think it relates to my next dream that happened! It was a combination of like Five Nights at Freddy’s and No Straight Roads. It also mixed in elements of SCP, Sly Cooper, and Legends of Zelda somehow. But I think the whole thing took place in the same initial universe of my dream where some people have powers and some don’t, while those who don’t are awful to powered people.

Anyway, what happened was Gregory (FNAF) and Yinu (NSR) were child soldiers made to work together to find out either just some standard information for a mission, or who caused the highway crash and killed all those people to set my character free.

The two kids were on like a watch tower or something, one that forest patrollers use, though we were right under the actual room. So we (Yinu and Gregory, I switch perspective a lot in my dreams) were just hanging on the beams and trying not to be seen by anyone coming up the stairs. We didn’t want to be on the roof because there was no easy way to get up there without being seen by whoever was in the watchtower.

We had to get to some secret room in another building close by. Gregory, I don’t think he had any real powers, but he did have a lot of tech. Maybe the tech was his powers I don’t know. All I knew was Freddy was our informational person and talked to the two of us as we got in position. Gregory had a cool ass belt that he was able to zipline down to the ground and other equipment that allowed him to go invisible for a bit. The last I knew of him, he was making his way to the special room.

Yinu on the other hand (the perspective I basically took over until I woke up), had a different job. She had to get rid of the people in the watchtower and disable the lights roaming the facilities to make retrieval easier later on. She actually did have powers. She could wrap her arms in plants to use as larger arms to fight or to hold on better to things while climbing. She was honestly super sneaky but was having a hard time getting into the watchtower because multiple people were going in and out of the room and using the stairs a lot. It made it almost impossible to get in to poison or paralyze the watchers without someone sending out an impromptu alarm of her presence. 

I think she ended up just fighting whatever creature was coming up the stairs as quietly as possible and then took care of the watchers in the room. She turned off the lights for that tower and sealed the room with plants to keep anyone from getting in (unless they used like fire or something which would just destroy the tower anyway). Well after that, she got to the roof of the tower and made a leaf parachute/glider thing to get to the next tower. 

Her and Gregory were doing so well in my dream and I really wish that I stayed asleep longer to see what would happen next because I ended up waking up. It was a really cool dream to transition to from the first one because usually my multiple dreams in the same night are unrelated, or are so related it’s just the same dream with me having more control over it (which is good considering usually my dreams are me getting assaulted in some way or another).

I did have an initial dream before the alcoholic school one, but that was just a continuation from the other night with a character who was like a servant that would get a shit ton of information for a dark lord and that lord threw me away to some jerks I antagonized earlier once I lost my usefulness. I was absolutely terrified (my dream self was, I in reality wasn’t, this wasn’t a nightmare) that I was going to be tortured and hurt by them but they weren’t assholes like that and looking for revenge since they could see my one safety net just tossed me to the wind.

I ended up staying with them and getting into a kind of relationship with either their beast tamer or like the knight. I forget which one, I just knew it was one of the really big and strong guys.

So yeah, that was my dream I wanted to share. Maybe I should share more if I ever have any cool dreams. I usually just write them down and don’t share, but since last night had something NSR related I wanted to share :3

[homo-house]

seeing some usamerican election discourse in the tl but i don't want to interact directly with it so i will just say here as an outsider that you guys will never get anywhere near real progress before you get rid of that absolutely ridiculous two party system. i am saying this genuinely and not trying to take the piss or anything. most election systems around the world are broken but damn if the USA's isn't one of the worst. this maybe is common sense but i wanted to elaborate on why i think it is beyond repair and needs at the very least a reform or to be revolutionized

the basic premise of a state is that different sectors of society with differing or competing interests have a mediator (not necessarily a single person) and in modern societies usually the 'mediator' spot is disputed by different classes trying to elect their respective representatives, and we find this nice because we think it's nice to have the ability to be represented by someone in a position of power (the state is really centralized, articulated power). but that goes down the drain when the mechanics of the state itself make it so that certain parts of society cannot dispute for positions within the state, can't elect people who really represent them.

as it is what you have is a state that essentially is built so that only the elite can take part in it, and then there is a slight divide among that elite that they infight about and sell that fight as something everyone else should care about, while what people actually care about is not any of the things they propose. if the only two parties you can vote for want to continue going to war while the people want nothing to do with war and it is near impossible to elect someone from a different party or independent, how is that representative democracy? note that i am saying elect and not vote. the whole thing is built so that you can vote for anyone you want, but you cannot elect anyone you want - the ones who can possibly get elected and stay in office are predetermined because of how the system is built, and it has been shaped over the years so that the group of people who already in power can continue there, essentially alienating itself from society, and those who were there when this alienation begun (maybe it even begun from day one, maybe sometime later) were people with some kind of power already (that's what made it easy for them to get there in the first place)

i think this segment of david harvey's (bear with me i know not everyone likes him) "the marxian theory of the state" puts it best:

(his sources are all in full in the linked file, it's free to access)

the state is a machine, a huge, well articulated, valuable instrument capable of making life better or of destroying it. maybe it was built with good intention, so that people could elect the ones who control the machine, but over the years, the people who got inside installed mechanisms inside the control room so that it is literally gatekept, locked with a heavy mechanical steel door which only opens from the inside, and since that was done, no one has been able to make burst through yet.

the way i see it, there are only three ways to get the machine to stop killing and be used for good: 1. destroy the machine and build it anew (difficult, and you will lose almost all it currently offers); 2. use brute force and burst through the door (you need absurd amounts of force to do that) 3. find a way to disable the mechanism holding the door closed and get fucking rid of it (essentially, hijacking, which requires a very good plan- and someone who manages to access it)

anyways thanks if you read this all the way. i know it's kinda weird for me as a brazilian to be talking about this but as a geography major and the nosiest person alive i have a lot of Thoughts and my friends are tired of me rambling already

[cerebraldischarge]

Random Thursday morning realizations.

- Government is an abusive spouse. You can literally break yourself for it's sake, and it'll deny that your injuries are a result of its treatment of you. Also, if you use government to bully people, it WILL be used against you the same way. No matter who you hate: gay people, rich people, disabled people, white people, etc. - when vindictive legislation is made against a group, that enables further vindictive legislation to be made against the next group. Anything that extends government power diminishes YOU.

- Knowing that I'll be dead soon has enabled me to allow myself some character flaws, human weaknesses (like some extra weight and shitty math/navigational skills) without feeling crippling guilt over them or burning myself out trying to improve (which doesn't really get rid of the guilt anyway, just adds anxiety to it). This is truly an act of self-compassion and the people who are the loudest about needing self-compassion will turn around and literally be like "no, not like that". Bass ackwards.

- Depression is a luxury. That's why mostly teenagers do it - us old bastards have responsibilities, so we have to get out of bed and do things no matter what we feel like. Indulge while you can.

- It's not good for you (in the long term) to be the "token civvie/reject friend" in a friend group, but these are often the most caring, reflective, and just all 'round moral people who basically adopt those they look up to. So, um, maybe be kind to them, if you have one.

- You can't convince someone to love you, or accept you. This isn't sales, and you aren't a product. Stop wasting time trying to talk trash into becoming treasure.

- Safe spaces are the result of good people being willing to do violent things, not the result of magically removing violence from human nature (which is an impossible task).

[dammit-tazmuir]

Gotcha! So I was thinking like...

Of course he didn't want his blood out in the world at all, but by the time he knew she existed, it was only a few minutes before suddenly all at once, his basically-wife temporarily killed him and in a fit of backlash he killed her, his basically-husband sank their home of 9000 years physically into the River and tried to drag him straight into Hell before getting pulled in instead, he's learned both of them wanted him dead for centuries, and then also his childhood best friend is just gone. (Jury's out on whether he knew about Pyrrha or just thought G1deon abandoned him; either way would suck to him.)

Like I believe Ianthe when she says he's been a wreck since then. John's someone who, in spite of everything he is, desperately wants people to like him, too, and then all at once he's lost all the people who did most, and it's nigh-impossible to convince himself it wasn't his own fault. The people he could touch, his hands, they're gone. I can absolutely see him latching onto I'M A DAD NOW as a means of going "who CARES, I didn't need those guys ANYWAY, LOOK, I still have REAL CONNECTIONS, it's FINE!" Though with or without that part, the dissonance between "we can't die if the other's alive," Ianthe's "he LOVES Alecto, he NEEDS Alecto!" and Kiriona's "dad TOLD me to come here, he said if I killed her I could be his new cavalier!" makes me suspect like...

👀 Maybe the ulterior motive is he doesn't actually need Alecto-specifically so much as he needs a minimum of two bodies to split the God-soul between, and he does love Alecto, but love is about control-first as you said, he's absolutely willing to murder people he loves not even "just" mass scale collateral but very directly. So maybe he was hoping with THREE of them in play, if Kiriona could kill her (something being so impenetrable may well help with), then he'd get rid of the facet of their soul that wants to kill him and replace it with one who's much more loyal and easier to keep on a leash. Replace his self-preservation in a box with his self-preservation as a devoted daughter-knight.

Because she's definitely not a perfect lyctor, and Harrow having absorbed part of her soul may or may not have extra complicated things, but the odds that what Gideon still has of her soul is ultimately the same mega-soul shared by John and Alecto seem pretty high.

Does anyone know any theories about a missing step in the 8-fold word/lyctorhood? Because I’m slowly forming one but would love to read more.

It’s related to Teacher (being from the 9th house and not separating in the River), needing a body for a cavalier, the Anastasia pregnancy (genes being able to ease some of the necromantic difficulties and the theories that Samael was Anastasia’s son) and the only other kind of ‘resurrection’ we know off is what Harrow’s parents did. Perhaps even a potential reason behind why Jod froze Gideon’s body.

I’m starting a reread soon so I will get back to this

[shatteredeternity]

[i know this may not make sense, but i'd still like to share it since i thought it sounded cool]

cw // yandere themes, implied sexual intercourse, unfaithfulness, manipulation, minors dni

YANDERE GENSHIN IMPACT 'SOULMATE' AU wherein 'soulmates' (which was basically two or more people assigned to be together) were established by celestia for convenience (i'm not quite sure how it's convenient yet, though) and was viewed as one of the most important things in society ever since it was initiated. however, there were some cases, some rare cases where someone ended up having the misfortune to not get assigned one. perhaps it was fate, a punishment, a mistake, even. (but no one dared to say that aloud without getting a dirty look from the people who heard them say such a thing)

unfortunately, you were one of the rare cases. you have no one on the other end of your red string, no timer counting down to when you finally meet your significant other, no ink appearing on your arm stating what your significant other was thinking. because of this, you were pitied. always hearing the words 'i'm sorry for that', 'i'm sorry to hear that' upon first meeting.

'they're just stupid.' 'soulmates are useless, anyway!' you'd try telling yourself, attempting to distract from the shitty feeling that resulted every time those words were uttered to you. though, as much as you hated them, you couldn't really blame them, could you? after all, the idea of soulmates was planted in a child's mind as soon as they could do so much as speak. it was an ugly unbreakable cycle that repeated itself from generation to generation. but as said... you really couldn't blame someone for something they were taught to think, right..?

eventually, their words got to you. the want and need for a soulmate festering from the desperation of wanting to be viewed as pathetic anymore, and what could be described as the feeling of an empty void blooming in your chest. you started to crave romance. you craved intimacy. you craved to be held the way lovers do. you craved to be looked at the way lovers do. you craved to be touched the way lovers do.

it became too much for you. the thoughts, the wants, the needs-- it was overwhelming. you needed it and you were getting tired of sitting in a corner with your thoughts and you needed the very thing you were deprived of. it was impossible, but your thoughts were eating away at your very being like an invasive species. if you couldn't get what you wanted, you could always seek for the closest thing to it.

intimacy and the touch of another. not the one lovers shared-- god, you wish. sex and the act of alluring others, to put it simply. you knew it was wrong, but push came to shove, and you had to think for yourself. and hey, if anyone else were in your position, they'd do the same, right? plus, there are plenty of people unsatisfied with the person they were tied to be with; harboring intent similar to yours (but not really, at the same time). you'd only be doing a favor for both parties, right?

you do end up getting what you want, ultimately. waking up in unfamiliar beds, going on dates, etc. it wasn't the real deal, but hey, beggars can't be choosers. though, the more you went on with this, infamy soon followed. it was... to be expected, to say the least, but it didn't stop you. even before all this, you were already an outcast, and all it did was change the looks people gave you from pity and feigned empathy to disgust and revolt.

however, after getting in bed and drawing in the wrong crowd, you soon get a taste of what you sought for. love. but...something didn't feel right about it. it felt suffocating-- like you were an addiction one could not rid oneself of no matter how hard they tried.

to say you were uneased was an understatement. you felt cramped, trapped, as though you were a bird in a cage, desolate as you tried looking for a way out.

but, you did want this, right? you craved this kind of affection you thought was out of your reach, and now, you finally achieved what you had originally thought was impossible, so why did it feel so wrong? maybe it was because you weren't used to it, surely, you'll come to your senses eventually. all you should do now is to bite back your tears and endure it, since everything good has a catch, doesn't it?

yet, why is it that you feel so close, yet so far to what you wanted?

a/n - first post on tumblr, yay!!! i heavily apologize if this isn't that good, i just wanted to write about this since it's been plaguing my mind for a week now aha. (not proofread btw)

[veliseraptor]

Headcanon: Just like Vegas and Kinn had a nicer relationship when they were younger, Gun was a nicer father when they were younger, for a given definition of "nice". Basically like their public image happy family stuff wasn't always 100% for show; maybe more like 50% - 75%. It's those memories that drive Vegas more than anything else. It would be even worse/better if Kinn as heir and Vegas taking on more "responsibility"/abuse and no more mom to mitigate Gun happened in approximately the same time period, so he fully associates his dad getting crueler and more unreasonable with Kinn as the new impossible ideal to throw himself against. Suddenly nothing he achieves is ever good enough, and that's obviously because Kinn has everything and not because Gun has become impossible to please.

ohhhhhh I'm so into this though. actually @ameliarating and I were discussing too how it is actually important to me that Gun isn't/wasn't necessarily always all the time awful, and (like you said) that's part of what makes Vegas keep trying to get his approval and love, because he knows it can be there if he just does the right thing/performs well enough/lives up to his dad's expectations. but the idea of specifically that changing, and that changing alongside, as you say:

The loss of his and Macau's mom, so he doesn't have a source of parental love other than his dad, and the associated grief there as well;

Kinn his formerly at least not enemy cousin abruptly becoming his rival and (from Vegas's perspective) "turning against" him (as Kinn embraces the doctrine of 'don't trust the minor family' and 'this is all competition that makes us stronger' in a more concerted way;

Vegas stepping more into his role as heir and therefore picking up more weight both in terms of what he's expected to do (and the associated baggage with that, including the reputation and how that fucks with what Vegas believes about himself) and the intensity of the expectations themselves (and "consequences" for failure in the form of abuse);

and...yeah, another way in which Kinn is symbolic, then, and Kinn is also in Vegas's head somehow to blame. Gun's abuse is Kinn's fault, if Kinn weren't there being Kinn then everything would be fine or at least better, and so it's a solvable problem! if he can beat Kinn, or get rid of Kinn, then his dad will love him again! obvious solution.

which of course is not. how it works. but it's a handy way for Vegas to displace any potential doubts he might have about his father and his chances of getting what he wants from his father, onto Kinn, who is a more comfortable target.

anyway, love this, kind of feel like I just ended up rephrasing a lot of what you said, taking it back to my cave to chew on