#'abusive' is more apt

[mycroftirl]

Okay I managed some writing

I mean it's Mark forcing liquor down Damien's throat but it's progress

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

[haveyouseenthishorrormovie]

SUMMARY: A boy blackmails his neighbor after suspecting him to be a Nazi war criminal.

[fiapple]

but also like literally want to emphasize the “including other trans people” part of that last addition. like there is a reason the times i’ve personally written posts about the issues with how tmes speak over transfems regarding transmisogyny in the name of “having our own terms” or the issues with the trans mra movement, i get anons positioning my motives within the realm of trans women’s fuckability by other tme people. & that’s still nothing compared to what transfeminine users on here go through while trying to self advocate .

[milfbro]

[spoilers again] why didn't anybody go after Ivan, is it just cause he's respectable??? he could also have done the murder he's smart enough to fake an alibi right. He could've exited the train and gone back without being seen. Everything they accused Smerdyakov of could be directed at Ivan (better in fact because Smerdyakov was having an epilepsy episode that literally killed him. They were like 'Idk. He could still be faking it." over his goddamn corpse. Because they're that bigoted)

and Ivan is EXACTLY like Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment like he's the same guy down to the detail of having a weird fucked up philosophy where he thinks he's above morality but the philosophy is just that he thinks he's a sigma male and everyone else are sheep. Down to being the one to have the money evidence before it disappears. Down to the brain fever. The dillusions of grandeur AND the simultanous low self esteem and inferiority complex. Down to irl being the one character academia loves to fixate on as if he was complex even tho he's literally a parody of a stupid pseudo-intellectual self-centered reddit bro whose thoughts about christan morality are as deep as a kiddy pool he's as intelligent as luigi mangione

[huginsmemory]

On ad astra per aspera ✨

Can we talk about the repeated use of ad astra per aspera? Cause uhhhh it shows up twice, once on the website and once in the Book of Bill, and OH BOY this has connotations, both for Bill and Ford's relation in the literal and figurative meaning on the word, and for Bill's own history:

(extra addition added 16/09/2024! 🌝 )

First, in the website (if I recall correctly) if the phrase ad astra per aspera is inputted into the computer, you get the two pages on Bill's 'funeral':

And within, in the pages, at the very end before signing there names is the phrase itself (highlighted in red) .

Secondly, a joke version of it is seen in the Book Of Bill, specifically on the night where Bill and Ford fucked 'one thing led to another':

In this one, it's clearly a joke off of aspirin used for his hangover, used again to close the entry.

Now the phrase ad astra per aspera itself means 'through suffering to the stars', which also has... wider connotations then just these two piece alone, which I'll unpack later. But first, the interesting choice of connection of these two pieces;

Both times the phrases occur, they occur closing the entry; a bit too much of a coincidence to me (and in this fandom there is no such thing as a coincidence). Considering that the 'one thing led to another' night is a night that was important to their relationship as it hints at the intimacy they had with each other, it showing up again in Ford's 'funeral' entry about Bill feels very much like an allusion to that night. Especially considering in the funeral entry Ford is very open about how much he cared about Bill, with how he at one point "considered him the centre of his life". The entry from Ford reads as someone who is moving on, and part of this is acknowledgement of the grief and sadness for the more positive part of the abusive relationship that he lost. As a result, having him acknowledge the intimacy of their relationship, it makes sense for him to tongue in cheek allude back to his first writing down of the phrase, where they were quite clearly implied to fuck be intimate.

While it alludes to their Bill and Ford's intimacy, the literal and metaphorical meaning of the phrase also rings true here; through suffering to the stars. If we talk literally, then through Ford's relationship with Bill, something that ultimately was full of suffering, he built the portal, and ended up wandering the myriad worlds out there in space; one may say out there among the stars. He literally was out there wandering the stars as a result of suffering.

Now metaphorically, the phrase means through suffering/adversity one gains beautiful/worthwhile things. Considering this entry is Ford moving on from Bill, this is very apt; again, their relationship caused Ford immense suffering, and as he is now letting that relationship and suffering go, he's instead prioritizing creating healthy relationships with Stanley, the other twins and Fiddleford (the something beautiful and worthwhile part!). In fact, the entry on Bill's funeral is half on him strengthening his relationship with Mabel, the shooting star, another layer of wordplay; case in point about the healthy relationships. He's weathered through his abusive relationship, to discover and create a loving family.

It doesn't quite end there however; although that's fairly it for specifically Ford and Bill's relationship, we also haven't talked about what the stars mean to Bill himself. Which, well; it's very clearly implied that Bill accidentally killed everyone in his dimension in an attempt to show his parents (and other people in his dimension) the stars. And on top of that, to quote; "I looked up and saw the stars. And I was ready to become one of them". Which he then in a way, becomes, considering the page in journal 3 on constellations, in which Ford remarks that one of his favourite constellations is the constellation 'William' (obviously Bill). It's a bittersweet immortalization of himself after everything that occurs around trying to see the stars for Bill.

So I find it very interesting that for Ford, a phrase about suffering and stars is something he ends up correlating to his relationship with Bill, considering that to Bill, to get to the stars is something he deeply suffered for as a result. It's also important to note that Bill's suffering was something that occurred out of love, and ultimately an attempt to be understood and create a deeper relationship with his parents where they could trust him. And then for Ford, all this while later, to look up to the stars (to see them) and to see the Bill constellation and go 'oh that's one of my favourites' is fulfillment. Because Ford during that time trusted and cared deeply for Bill, fulfilling that relationship of trust, love and understanding(at least surface level, considering the way they banter together), that Bill had yearned for when he was younger and killed his plane.

So all in all(tldr): ad aspera per astra, (through suffering the stars), is quite the fun phrase to unpack in regards to Bill and Ford's relationship, considering the deliberate reference to the phrase on the entry about the night 'where one thing led to another' and Bill's funeral entry. The phrase is a combination of references; tongue in cheek allusion to the intimacy, but also references to the literal (space fugitive) and figurative (abusive relationship, to loving family again pipeline) hardships Ford endured as a result of the relationship. There is also irony in the way that Ford seems to correlate this phrase about suffering and stars with Bill and his relationship, considering that out of an effort to be understood and share the stars with his parents, Bill accidentally killed his whole dimension; later he also made a constellation of himself. As well, as Ford says that one of his favourite constellations is a constellation that's clearly Bill in Journal 3, it alludes to that Bill's wish to show his parents the stars and be recognized is fulfilled by Ford (pre-portal incident that is).

EDIT: extra details added on the constellation piece as of Aug 14 2024 (less than 24 hours after og posting, because I'm deranged). Big thanks to @bowl-o-nudel for the nudge :)

Edit (16/09/2024): I've had a few people say that the saying has appeared in Journal 3 multiple times, and having reread journal 3, to my delight it is indeed correct! And oh the CONTEXT they give. The two instances are those seem below; the first appearance in the title page of Journal 3, and second time is a page from when the twins graduate.

As well as all the parallels of how the phrase is applied for both Bill and Ford, as @zoizyboigy suggested, it seems to be a phrase that Ford takes as his own motto. It seems to be a highly personal motto to him; after all, they all are written around important turning moments in Ford's life; graduating, the journals which where to be his ticket to fame, fucking a triangle finding acceptance and intimacy with Bill , and lastly, moving on in his life from Bill and his destructive obsession with recognition. 

And it makes sense WHY this motto is one that is highly personal to Ford; the first time it is seen chronologically is when he's graduating, chosen when he believes he's going to be accepted into the university. It's a motto he chose because he was excited, because he thought he was already through his suffering and arriving to the stars of his fancy university, where validation and acceptance would abound; only that doesn't happen, and the suffering part within the motto is the only thing that's accurate, especially as that's when he rejects Stan. It's a motto chosen in celebration, that becomes a reminder of the failure to become someone who is accepted and important (and his prioritization of validation over relationships); it's now something he holds that reminds him of the validation he believes he deserves and he obsessively chases. 

And that's why you see it in the journal pages, because these journals are going to change his life, he's going to become finally a person of importance and be accepted with the information he's compiled in the journals. And in the same way, you see it after Bill (and interdimensional being of ancient knowledge) and him are intimate; he's become someone of importance to Bill, he's been accepted by Bill, even attractive to Bill (romance Ford seems to have terrible luck in).

And that's why you see it at the end of Ford's farewell to Bill; it's another turning point, it's Ford letting his obsession with world validation go which characterized it's meaning from the beginning, Ford letting go of his relationship with Bill, which it also came to mean, and instead celebrates his acceptance within his family and the strengthening of those bonds, and of prioritizing healthy, loving relationships.

Ps, if you enjoyed this meta post, I've also made another one, on exceptionalism!

[xdivinedecay]

Patron saints for US election aftermath

Below are some saints I humbly recommend to pray to as the United States faces this new and challenging era after the results of our recent election. Those that use prayer for intercession may find comfort in learning more about the saints below, and building a communication with them.

Social justice — St. Martín de Porres Poverty — St. Francis of Assisi Women — St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Immigrants — St. Frances Xavier Cabrini Racial justice — St. Katharine Drexel Ecology and environment — St. Kateri Tekakwitha (the first Indigenous American saint) Education/teachers — St. John Baptist de La Salle

If you'd like, I have included some notes and extras below —

Please if you can, take some time to learn about St. Martín de Porres! His soul is beautiful and his work was absolutely selfless as he cared for others in the face of social abuse and adversity. He really is someone to aspire to be like.

I nominate St. Elizabeth Ann Seton in this particular instance as it's difficult to pin down a definitive patron saint of women (all of my cross-references didn't produce a strong label on any one saint; many were for mothers or some other aspect attributed to womanhood, so there are many options). But St. Elizabeth was the first American-born citizen to be canonized as a saint, and in her life she started a Catholic school for girls. She is most known for founding of the Sisters of Charity of Saint Joseph’s, the first religious order in America who contributed significant humanitarian work. In the wake of the US election results, I think she is an apt choice for connecting with for intercession.

I'm a biased St. Joan D'Arc follower, but hear me out. She was the crux of saving her home country from the very literal brink of being lost to Britain in a war that spanned a century. She rallied the last skeleton crew of the remaining French monarchal power that had all but been defeated already, and helped to take their name and land back from the English. I will be continuing to pray to her regularly to help find ways to fight for our freedom and remain courageous. I encourage others to do the same if you pray to her, or would like to start.

While I wish I had a suggestion for a saint to pray to for the LGBTQIA+ community, as they are adopted through history (St. Sebastian) or are not strictly official. But there are some interesting perspectives to find online, I just couldn't find a saint I could comfortably name with my whole chest for this particular group. I was intrigued by some responses on this Quora thread on the matter in question.

As always, these are only suggestions based on my imperfect research, as I am still newly navigating my reclaimed faith. If you have other patrons to recommend, please add them in a reblog so that others may learn about them.

divider made by animatedglittergraphics-n-more

more lists of patron saints — Patron Saints for your problems • Patron Saints for World Mental Health Day

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

It's like if you don't like erotica go read smth else??

respectfully I agree with you broadly but also feel like this is missing the point of why, specifically, the lovely people I've been corresponding with today are so opposed to so-called "dark romances"

when you make something a moral panic you can't just look away and do something else. if you look at some of the people responding to my post, they genuinely and sincerely believe that dark romance poses a tangible, real threat to people (namely women) by convincing them to accept and emulate the dangerous and abusive dynamics they read about.

an apt comparison may be the frequent glib retort to opponents of gay marriage: "if you don't like it, don't get gay married!" it's a decent goof, sure, but the thing is that many of these people don't just think gay marriage is gross, they think it's a very literal threat to the moral fabric of society. in particular, many anti-queer bigots sincerely believe that many children who would otherwise be good, normal members of cishet society are tricked or groomed into being queer, whether by sexually abusive adults (there's a LONG history of gay men being seen as targeting young boys this way, in particular) or cartoons with queer characters or by strangers on the internet pressuring them to trans their genders. these bigots can't just ignore gay and trans people and mind their own business, because to do so is to ignore a real, horrific danger to children and society right under their noses. they're wrong, obviously, but that's what they genuinely believe.

this particular flavor of anti-dark romance girlies are on the same thing: no, the fiction is not just fiction, and is actively making vulnerable and suggestive women more susceptible to accepting abusive behavior. they can't just read something else and leave women who enjoy those romances alone, because those women are endangering themselves and they have a moral obligation to say something about it.

which, again, isn't true, but you have to understand that some people are engaging with this one a MUCH different level than just "these books aren't to my personal taste."

[pompomchihuahua]

Sanemi Shinazugawa: A Man of the Pack

So, everyone has likely seen this image:

Wherein Muichirou likens all of the Hashira (most of the Hashira, poor Giyuu) to animals.

Today, I want to discuss why Sanemi being described as a wolf is particularly insightful and apt.

But first, let's take a look at wolves in nature, specifically on the nature of sibling relationships between wolves and how they relate back to Sanemi. In this analysis I'm gonna pull out a lot of terms like Alloparenting, kin selection, and cooperative breeding, but bear with me and I'll do my best to explain everything! (I may have abused my college library for fandom purposes, oopsies!)

You've probably heard by now that the classic "Alpha wolf" pack structure that was popularized in 1970's is very much a misrepresentation of actual wolf packs in the wild. Actual wolf packs are often made up of closely related individuals with one main breeding pair. This main breeding pair produces offspring, which then become members of the pack and participate in future hunts as well as future child rearing.

So! A "pack" is really just a family unit. Most are made up of the parents and all their offspring.

Now, you've probably heard the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child."

If you have, congratulations! You now know the concept of Cooperative Breeding in a nutshell! Basically, cooperative breeding is a social structure characterized by alloparental care. Alloparental care is any form of parental care performed by an individual towards young that are not its direct offspring. Such as...

...an older sibling raising their younger sibling.

Alloparenting is actually incredibly rare among mammals, with only about 3% of species exhibiting this behavior, the most famous of which being humans and wolves.

This is because it is a form of altruism, wherein an individual sacrifices something for the benefit of another individual. In the case of wolves, this may be food, time, or other resources as siblings will take up feeding, warming, and guarding duties while the alpha pair and other siblings are on a hunt.

Sanemi is a family-oriented man. His entire character is driven by family (and yes, this does include the likes of Masachika and Kanae, which I will discuss later).

His early life revolved around raising his siblings. When they passed and he was forced to kill his mother, his life shifted then to revolve solely around Genya, his remaining pack.

What I find interesting is the way Sanemi looks at the world through a lens of family orientation. Close friends are not simply "friends," they are family, and thus, pack. For example, Masachika became an older brother figure to him. In signs from the wind, when he was becoming Kanae, he looked at her the same way he would look at his mother. Even the way he views Tengen is through the lens of an older brother figure.

"He often acts like an older brother."

He talks to Shinobu "since she's Kanae's little sister." (thus, in a way, extended pack).

Hell, even his annoyance at Giyuu makes more sense when put into this light. Putting aside his glaring inferiority complex (and really, we shouldn't because it does play a huge role into why he hates Giyuu), we see that Giyuu very much plays into the "lone wolf" archetype. Something that very much goes against the pack-oriented nature of wolves.

Even calling Giyuu a lone wolf is a bit of a misnomer. Wolves leave the pack with the intention of starting a new pack. Thus, lone wolves are actively seeking companionship, something Giyuu is very much not doing (at least not consciously).

It clashes against Sanemi's very nature as a man of the pack. This "I'm not like the rest of you," shtick. It not only implies he's somehow above them in Sanemi's mind, but it also defies the natural order of how Sanemi perceives the world.

Despite his brash attitude, his openness is rated at 60% and he's often depicted within the inner group of the hashira.

He's not a social butterfly, but he is by no means a loner. Just look at how well he gets along with Obanai!

So, returning to the wolf analogy, we know that Sanemi is a pack-oriented man who places the survival of his family above all else. Let's talk about why wolves are so invested in their family members survival.

It's a concept known as Kin Selection.

Kin selection is where a trait is favored by the success of the individual's relatives that possess it and successfully pass it on.

Think of it like this: You share approximately 50% of your genes with your full sibling (with identical twins sharing 100%!). You also share 50% of your genes with your parent. You share just as much genetic material with a sibling as you would with your own child.

Theoretically, your sibling's success is also your success genetically.

This is, of course, a hotly debated topic, however.

Not every wolf is interested in starting their own pack. Let's talk about 0'6, the most famous wolf in Yellowstone. Specifically, let's talk about her mate's brother, 754M, who, instead of starting his own pack, followed his brother, 755M and joined his pack instead where he went on to help raise his pups as an uncle and served as a sort of third pack leader.

Which, is reminiscent of Sanemi's stance in the main story. His dreams are for Genya to find a "mate" and have "pups" of his own and build his own pack. And while Sanemi has no plans of being there physically, he plans to spend his life fiercely guarding Genya's pack, much like 754M.

Once again, however, the validity of kin selection among wolves is a a bit of a hot bed among animal behavioralists and evolutionary biologists, but it is applicable in this case to Sanemi.

Sanemi very much does not care for his own success. He says himself that if he should die, he would die with a sword in his teeth, taking out as many demons as he can while Genya has a bushel of kids.

Sanemi being described as one of the most family oriented and surprisingly altruistically loyal mammals is one of the most apt metaphors Muichirou could have chosen for him.

Everything from how Sanemi views the world to how he operates to even his appearance and tenacity can best be described as wolf-like.

Including, me thinks, the fandom's tendency to demonize him. Wolves are one of the most misunderstood animals out there and lately a lot of light has been shed on the beautiful creatures. With the Infinity castle movies so close to releasing, I think the same shift in perspective will be coming for Sanemi soon as well.

Now to link my sources! Hoo boy. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here.

[needle-thread-thimble-spear]

I find the cultural phenomena of the maid as opposed to its direct descendant (the generalized domestic laborer) to be really interesting, particularly in the transfeminine sphere. This post is gonna be kinda rambly and not have much a point and involve discussion of kink topics, abusive relationships, transmisogyny, colonial violence and its consequences, etc so heads up for that but anyway.

Starting with the regency/early victorian era Europe, there's this gradual development of a complex household structure among the upper classes, which caps out in the late victorian/edwardian era. This environment forges the "prototypical" idea we have of the maid, whom you'll see in period pieces and historical fiction. She might have worn a (modest!) black and white outfit, she might not have. If her employer is relatively poor she may supply her own clothes. Regardless though, she's a servant for someone wealthy enough to keep her on. Her employer might have inherited their wealth, or found success in a relatively new and burgeoning capitalism, but they were definitely a member of one of the upper classes. She might come from a working class family, or depending on her role, from the petty bourgeois/lesser nobility (it wasn't uncommon for a young lady to have a "companion", often poorer relative with no prospects of her own). It's interesting (though in hindsight not particularly surprising) how the space from where some women might become maids, wasn't very far away from the space where a family might keep on 1-3 people on staff (if you'd like to read more on this, Emily Post's original etiquette, written in 1922 is available for free on Project Gutenberg. Its a really interesting text, here's a summary of the maid section I wrote).

Anyway. Its around the height of this period that the "french maid" is codified. Apparently (my research on this isn't the most extensive I'll freely admit) it wasn't uncommon then for the english upper classes to hire maids from France. Wealthy men became quickly fascinated with them, and before long the french maid is a staple in the erotic material of the age. My understanding is that this is how the black-and-white stereotypical maid dress entered the public consciousness, since that was common at the time (indeed, other time periods and places had different standards for uniforms!) and is what the french maid in life would have worn.

After the world wars, the social landscape of wealthy people changed, the concept of the "middle class" crystalized, and a number of household appliances changed the nature of housework quite drastically. Most of the families that would have been considered middle class a few generations earlier stopped keeping on a "maid of all things". Very wealthy households would hire fewer members of staff, or simply stop hiring a permanent staff altogether. From then on, it would be the role of the housewife to do the domestic labor, or otherwise one keeps on a cleaner or a cleaning service who comes around every once a while. Eventually we enter the modern understanding of domestic labor, where live-in servants are rare and when they do exist they are often supplemented by cleaning services with no allegiance to any one household.

Meanwhile, the french maid continues along as a stock character, not just in explicitly erotic material but comedies and even historical/speculative fiction (and thus quite removed from her possibly more apt "prototypical" counterpart, see most anime/manga maids and "butlers"). At this point she may or may not bother with being french, and she may or may not bother with any domestic labor. The maid outfit (later costume) ends up as a stereotypical, almost trite set of clothing for sexual roleplay. It's in this environment that some early culture of "sissy" or "forcefem" kink latched onto the french maid. Since that avenue of kink focuses on feminization as humiliation, the positioning of the sub as a domestic servant for the (petty) nobility (which to be frank, is a pretty humiliating role all on its own, speaking from experience) dovetails into the whole shtick quite neatly.

Others more clever (and more concise...) than I am have written about how what makes forcefem hot is the transmisogyny. The transfemme is set up to hate herself, to self destruct, to feel shame and self-disgust, to feel terrified of herself, for what she is. I'm not gonna bother spelling out the connection here. A lot of transfemmes (even if they are terrified of it and try to avoid it like I did) find their way into that space pretransition. Or if they don't, they certainly become aware of it after they begin! And then we get all this response within our own culture. We reclaim "forcefem" as a term, maids become a common motif in the form of dolls in empty spaces type literature, but that undercurrent of internalized misogyny and shame still sits there I think. Don't mistake me, this isn't some sort of sex negative tirade against maidkink (that'd be a hypocrisy anyhow!) Rather I'd like to make the argument that we're frequently reclaiming something traumatic through it, even if we don't quite realize it. As transfemmes we often self efface when it comes to (trans)misogyny I think. It's easy for us to say we had an easy ride or that it wasn't so bad. But even so, ask yourself, would you be interested in maids so much if you weren't really badly hurt?

I want to end this going back to domestic labor. It has hardly been my career to this point. In fact, I've only spent a few months of my life as a housecleaner, several years ago before I transitioned. Those also happened to be some of the most grueling and torturous months of my life. A lot went wrong that summer. The work was physically demanding and the hours were long. It was one of my first experiences really working and I felt very loyal to my boss, whom I had a tangential personal relationship toward. I was alright at the work but I did it slowly, putting me behind my quotas. But the worst of it was the cementing of the unhealthy relationship I had with my ex into an abusive one. I won't bore you with the details, and beside they're torturous to relive. I'm afraid you'll have to take my word for it, I don't think I've felt so much shame and fear so intensely and for so long a duration since then. A screening of Silence of the Lambs was involved. What we've been through, what we've been subjected to, frequently leaves us pliable doormats, eager to please and easily abused. Many are eager to use us for that, and few things can feel so good as kind words from an abuser. If you're like me, maids are a lot about those feelings. The (trans)misogyny we undergo is a real phenomena. Maids for me is an acknowledgement of that.

Post Script: I think it's important to acknowledge how the history of domestic labor has been shaped by racial violence as well as (trans)misogynistic violence. In the United States, the prototypical maid could be white or black to suite the tastes of the employer. In northern culture, the maid was generally whiter than snow, because she was presumed to be better than her counterparts, thought to be less likely to steal and better mannered. That's what made the northern lady comfortable. In the south, the maid (who was often, maybe almost always black I'll have to do more research) was either enslaved or had ancestors who had been recently. Domestic staff being black was part of the mechanism of settler colonialism in the south. The southern lady was more comfortable seeing black women explicitly beneath her, so they were maids. I say was, but these attitudes persist, in one form or another, across the US today and influence who works where. In the modern domestic labor field, a lot of the workers are immigrants. When I did work cleaning houses, I met a lot of people from the Caribbean or Latin America. Remember when I said before that live in maids are rare, and often supported by outside cleaners? One of the women I met doing that job was a live in maid from the Caribbean (I wish I remember where but I'm afraid I don't. I was going through a lot at the time my memory of it all is difficult to access in good circumstances) who was responsible for cooking and laundry. We came in to do wetwork and dusting/vacuuming. That family had more money than grains of sand, and they weren't even so rich tbqh. At my agency, we'd usually get a temp staff from Eastern Europe to do the work but they were unavailable at the time due to the pandemic, so Americans were hired instead. It should be little surprise that a settler colonial state will oft assign the women of its (oft imported) underclasses to do any sort of difficult manual labor (particularly the kind that happens behind the scenes!). The institutions of sex, which disadvantage women (and trans women still further), are but one avenue of hierarchical social violence and these intersect with one another tightly.

Hope you enjoyed reading this ramble, and that you found it illuminating!

EDIT: removed a poorly constructed sentence that doesn't read well and utilizes figurative language in a place that should be more clear

[shini--chan]

Yandere Character Sheet II - 1p England / Arthur Kirkland

My depiction of Arthur here is harsh. I'll freely admit that it is due to a bias I have against the British due growing up in one of the Empire's late colonies and family history. Blazes, some of my relatives refuse to speak English because they regard it as "the language of the Antichrist".

Trigger warnings: colonialism, controlling behaviour, manipulation, mental break, trauma, physical torture, emotional/verbal abuse, victim blaming

Blend in - Are the red flags obvious? Are they even aware that their behaviour is wrong? Do they even care? 

Arthur is generally a cantankerous, cynical and proud man, so it would be more difficult to tell which of his actions are relationship red flags as opposed to personality red flags. Of course, this is also a gross oversimplification of the situation since he is complicated. When he wants to be, he can be genuinely kind, polite and caring. It is simply that the closer you are to him emotionally, the higher his expectations are of you. With you being the apple of his eye, you'd have the honour of finding out that being the subject of his affections is worse than having to bear his apathy or even ire. 

One of the reasons for this is that he'd have a fixed ideal of what constitutes as good and proper, and he would require you to conform to that image. Depending on your character and disposition, this could be painful for you. But surely you'll embrace your cruel fate, for isn't love the sweetest form of suffering. Pragmatic and cynical as he would be and would claim to be, Arthur would still be a romantic at heart. To him, meeting you would be fate, and you would do well to likewise recognise that your fate lies with him. Generally he wouldn't accept any words or actions that would go against this perceived destiny - he wouldn't take them seriously. 

Overall, he would see you as lesser than him, and therefore not as deserving of respect and regard. Much of the politeness and charm he would display to you wouldn't stem from seeing you as an equal or from thinking highly of your thoughts and emotions, but rather from the sort of charity given to the invalid and the naive. 

This flows nicely into the next red flag, in that he can be unbelievably paternalistic and conceited. You acting out, trying to defend your boundaries, or even just not fitting into what he deems appropriate would be deemed as you being unreasonable or having a phase. All in all, it would be very difficult to criticise him since he would first have to view you as a person worth listening to, and that wouldn't be a given. Even if your relationship has reached that level of respect, he would be quick to deliver some sharp retorts. Also, he would simply not care that some of the things he does are reprehensible. Either the end would justify the means, or the other people are inferior and conventional morals can't be applied to them. 

Additionally, he would be prone to making decisions for you, without your input. Mind you, he would allow you to place your orders by yourself when you go out to wine and dine. Though, he would decide what you wear, when you go to sleep, what you eat and drink at home, and the media you consume. This would start way before he would manage to fully isolate/kidnap you. Arthur regards himself as more apt when it comes to making choices about your life than you are. 

Related to that above, he would manage to make you go along with all that (at least in the beginning) by acclimating you to his controlling nature. He wouldn't dominate your life all at once and the more he'd enter your life, the more he'd determine how you'd live your own life. He'd demand that you tell him of all your movements and errands, make you let him look through your letters and bills and have you give him the passwords to all your accounts. On top of that, he would micromanage you at times. 

Another warning sign would be how unpredictable he would be. When it comes to social interactions, what happens is very dependent on Arthur's. He is far from emotionless, and is very passionate indeed. However, he isn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve or display his emotions openly, which would make it difficult to assess the situation at times. A bad time on the way home from work can decide if you receive affection or are pushed away with sharp remarks. Additionally, it would be the little things that would set him off the most, while he would remain stoic and calm in the face of large calamities.

Compatriot - Who aids them? Who condemns them? Are there ways you can convince their friends/colleges/underlings to help you? 

Part of Arthur's magic is convincing others of his superiority. There would be many that would aid him simply because they'd falsely believe he is all-powerful and that moving against him is futile. These sorts would be the worst - you'd have their sympathy and pity and they would likely believe you fully if you'd recount the lived horror and they'd still resolutely refuse to help you. On the contrary, they would even encourage you to give in to him, to simply weather the storm instead of fighting against it. These people would also be the hardest to persuade and the fastest to betray you, since they would fully buy into the illusion of Arthur's invulnerability and seek to gain small favours from their "Lord and Saviour". 

Then there would be those that would be on his side because they'd agree with his world views and morality. Best not to bank on their support, because Arthur would always be grander in their minds than you. Unless … there is nothing more feverant than a disillusioned devotee, eh? There, you could get their support, you would just have to teach them successfully that their angel is a demon. 

Naturally, England would also have many enemies. So some of them, all that would matter would be to land a blow on Arthur, so they would have no qualms or second thoughts of helping you. They might even "be on your side" before you'd catch on to Kirkland's true colours. Perhaps they would even be the ones to shine light on his less appealing traits. One thing that you should keep in mind though, that they wouldn't care about what would happen to you, as long as they could hurt Arthur. 

Aside from the obvious category of people that hate Arthur and who would also be sympathetic to your cause, there would also be the normal people that just want to go about their day-to-day lives. Those that might work for Arthur; they might trip you up if they like him, they might ignore your forged documents and stolen money if they hate him. Generally, many people downplay the power and the influence of the ordinary, working man. Arthur would be no exception to this rule, and could use this against him. 

Dominion - What actions are especially pleasing to them?

Above all else - you defer to him. He wants to be your guiding light in the darkness. He is supposed to be your teacher and protector and provider, and he wouldn't settle for anything less. For you to recognise and accept your role in the dynamic between the two of you would be a boon. It would be a relief that he wouldn't have to chastise and punish you like a wayward child. It would give him a bit of hope.

Interestingly enough, he would still desire for you to be resolute. Silk hiding steel comes to mind and if you're the sort to faint at the slightest sign of trouble, he would deem you a product of bad breeding. You are to be a rose, and your thorns should be sharp. Of course, this shouldn't come at his expense, for he doesn't want somebody that would constantly stand against him. You should be the sort that is a fun conquest, and a steadfast companion that doesn't cause more trouble than you solve. The deep irony here is that he wishes that you aren't a child, all while being continuously paternalistic. 

Appeal to his finer sensibilities - have etiquette down pat, be educated in that you know the classics and poetry and the BBC nature documentaries. Be easy on the eye and balm for the soul to him, make him feel respected and allow him to rant about god and the world without always throwing in your two cents. Be attentive to his needs, whether it be a shoulder massage, a bottle of port or tickets for the nearest rugby match. Communication without many words necessary would be prefered. On your side, such a skill would even be needed if you want to survive him. 

Tied into that - he would want the little things taken care of by you. Have a meal ready when he comes home, and the bathroom scrubbed and the washing done. Still he would require the dichotomy of a homebody and an adventurer, at least to some extent (and you thought he was going to leave you alone at home). Everywhere though, you'd be expected to put his well being above your own. After all, if he is out cold, then who will take care of you. No matter how strong and capable you are, he will forever regard himself as your superior. 

Conform to the values of the time. If there is something that irks Arthur beyond measure, it would be not understanding something. He wouldn't understand you if your mind runs on models of the world he is not familiar with. Of course, if you don't see things his way yet then it is no issue - diamonds commonly need polishing and cutting before they are perfect. It would be a re-edition of the white man's burden. 

Flight - What do you have to do in order to escape them?

It would be easier than you'd expect. Arthur's main spiel to make you stay by him would be to make you think that escape is futile, and that he is all-powerful and all-knowing when it comes to you. He would aim at "demonstrating" this by stalking you or also letting you escape only to capture you again. This wouldn't be his only failsafe. Perhaps he'll socially isolate you, so that you believe he is the only person in the world that you can trust, or he'll convince you that you're a horrible person, and he is only doing on to you what you deserve (he might even believe the latter himself). So what you have to do, is break the mental fetters, and then matters already become easier. 

Two pathways are recommended: Either do something completely haywire that he wouldn't expect. Send yourself abroad per post, join a travelling circus troupe or become a nun. There are only so many avenues of escape that he can close down, and the most obvious would be the first to go. Or you could elect to hide in plain sight and slip away. Lose him in a shopping mall or in a crowded street. A concert would be even better. Afterwards, it would be advisable to act normal - because he would be looking for a harried person. 

And have some tranquillisers/sleeping pills at hand. You'll need them to cope with the fallout. 

Hospitality - What is your life like with them? How much does it deviate from your former life?

You'd basically have to adopt an Arthur-approved lifestyle and discard everything that came for. He would dictate the tempo and direction, with you having precious little say in the matter. You'd only have your way if your interests coincide with England's or you plant the ideas in his head and let him think it was his idea in the first place. 

You'd become another fixture in his environment and thus everything that is his would become yours as well. The living space would be his and he would share it with you. Whether you like it or not, you would start orienting yourself around his routines and ideas. A side effect of this would be that he would control what you would read, watch and listen to. When locked up and subject to his tender mercies, you would be powerless to obtain any information other than what he allows. 

Aside from that, there are too many restrictions and rules to count, and you would only be able to have some comfort once you learn to navigate the minefield. In total, your life would be more akin to life in an old girls boarding school, or even a prison. The food would be just as bland, unless you'd take matters into your own hands. 

With him, your opinion would matter very little and his would be everything. Every criticism of your person would have to be acted on immediately, and every wish treated as an order. Of course, he would detest it if you'd simply allow him to walk all over you, but he would equally loath it if you would stubbornly resist it. It would be a balancing act that you would have to learn to master.

 In the beginning you might be inclined to point out how his treatment of you would contradict his own morals. Arthur wouldn't care - this is a point that can't be stressed enough. Conventional morals wouldn't apply to you, in his eyes. Besides, you would be his plaything, something with which he can engage in all his base desires and dark urges without any repercussions. Somebody at his station would have to punish him for him to genuinely become better towards you. 

There are few holds barred for him when it comes to you, and that makes him all the more dangerous. Should the mood strike him due to your bad behaviour, then he would bring out the thumb screws and the brands and the water torture. He probably wouldn't want to mar you, or at least not too much. You should still be prepared for burns of all sorts and being twisted into various uncomfortable positions and restrained. Here, the menu would be a lengthy one. 

Of course, there would be the social aspect. One of the first things Arthur would do would be to chip away at your social circle. This could be either through slander and manipulation, or more criminal methods like framing, drugging and murder. Eitherway, soon he'll be the only one you'll have, and since he is a jealous man, you would either only be able to interact with a carefully curated group of people, or not at all. 

Order - What are the rules you have to adhere to?

There are too many rules to count when it comes to Arthur Kirkland. He wouldn't spell out all of them for you anyway, since a lot of them are self-evident in his eyes. Besides, he'd want you to live according to the spirit of the rules, rather than him having to lay out an exact wording only for you to engage in loophole abuse. Regardless, here are some of mentioned rules:

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. Mind you, this is only towards him - other people are fair game. Although, you'd have to be smart about it and avoid causing second hand embarrassment. This would be easier said than done when you're in company, since your actions would automatically reflect on Arthur, once a certain point in your relationship has been reached. If you'd curse and chew out the world with him, he would be delighted. If you would turn your insults on him, he would burn with rage at the insolence and the impertinence. How dare you undermine his authority! Verbal sparring would be occasionally welcomed, though you'd have to have the sensitivity to tell when the ice is too thin to stand on. 

Behave yourself when we are in mixed company. Even when we are in company in general. To him, you are a pet project, living evidence that he can fashion perfection out of flesh and bone and a willful spirit. Totting you out to other people would come with the expectation that you be a living exhibit of his talents. As such, he wouldn't take it well if you misbehave. Mind you, he wouldn't be above humiliating you in mixed company just to save his own reputation. 

Keep up with the etiquette, will you? Belonging to him would mean you'd have to comply with a whole host of rules and rituals and mannerisms. This can vary depending on his social standing and the time period. The main point would be that you wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb. The irony here is that he would desire you to have the skills and aptitude to get along well with your peers all while wanting you all to himself.

Don't make me repeat myself, pet. There are some phrases Arthur would repeat around you over and over again, like an especially devout priest. He would want you to internalise some truths after all. On the flip side, he would loathe to have to repeat himself when he talks with you, or to have to lay out his instructions a second time. Should he be peeved, and then be forced to repeat himself just because you weren't paying attention, then you would have a punishment awaiting you. Above all, don't talk back when he orders or chastises you - he wouldn't hold back with the yelling and the insults and the condensation if you do. 

 Be honest with me, savvy? I can't smell what you are thinking, after all. For somebody as cunning and devious as Arthur Kirkland, he gets extraordinarily upset when he is given a taste of his own medicine. He would demand you be forthright and honest with him, something that would be very difficult if you don't want to be with him and don't want to anger him at the same time. The reason behind this would be that he would want to trust you, and he wouldn't be able to trust you if he'd have to cut through your lies and half truths and word games. Or if he would only receive your complaints from around five corners, or something of the sort. Asides, if you're the sort to voice your displeasure and be open about your thoughts and feelings (to him, it should be said) then he wouldn't be in for any nasty surprises. 

Rehabilitation - How much will they change you? Will they break you? How much therapy would you need in the event that you get rid of them? 

Arthur Kirkland is the sort of man that would leave scars. He'd want you to be unable to live without him and he'd strive to condition you to dissolve into hysterics should you be separated from him. In the case he should succeed, you'd be fine for a few days and then descend into such emotional turmoil. This would be because he'd have your behavioural structures tailored to him, and without him to act as your focal point, you would grow anxious. Be careful not to go crawling back to him then - each escape would be more mentally challenging then the one before. 

Even when you'd be away from him, his rules would be so ingrained in you that you'd follow them on a subconscious level. You'd find yourself fixing your posture all the time, and weighing each word up against gold before uttering it. Out of reflex you'd discreetly check your surroundings to see where Arthur is and no matter how much you'd police your thoughts, his cynical attitude towards other human beings would have rubbed off on you and infected your mental processes. Arthur would continue to accompany you as the devil on your shoulder, as the voice of your inner critic, as a demon that would haunt your dreams, even if he would no longer be physically present. You'd have to be self-aware and self-conscious to rid yourself of those fetters. 

Aside from that, he wouldn't hesitate to break you to achieve his goals. There would be regrets on his behalf, yes. However, he'd never regret breaking you to the point that he would strive to make amends and see the errors of his ways. Instead, he would blame you for being too rebellious, for having such a brittle character that you broke instead of bending to his will, for being of ill stock and bad breeding. Admitting wrongdoing would be akin to weakness for him, something he would never allow himself to display in front of you.

Perhaps you would retain enough sanity and energy even when broken to flee him, perhaps you would develop a secondary or even tertiary personality to deal with the trauma. Either way, a life without Arthur would be even more cumbersome and hard than when you'd have been whole. It would take years until you'd be able to function normally again, and that is only if the best case scenario of you having a stable life without Arthur hunting you, occurs. 

Zeal - Do they fall fast or slow? What is their reaction to their own feelings?

Ever the romantic at heart, passion would grip him quickly, yet he would be very slow to act on it. It wouldn't be the first case of limerence on his side, and he would want to be sure of his feelings and their longevity before committing to you. Ironically, the more he'd try to wrestle his emotions into control and bottle them, the more potent and out of control they would become. Finally, they would overwhelm him and he would find himself rationalising the most heinous actions. 

The same justifications he would use towards himself would be applied towards other people, maybe even towards you. As time passes, the self-justifications and such would come ever easier, and also more extreme. It would finally reach a point where morality would be flung out the window. Why should he heed boundaries, if there is no punishment for overstepping? Maybe you find some countermeasure within your power that you can exercise to keep him in line. Just don't harbour the illusion that it'll work forever. 

Art doesn't belong to me, nor does the character!

[inkofthebrain]

Hey I was wondering if you still take requests for lee from bones and all. If you do can you do one where reader is a non eater but travels with Lee and Maren (maybe they're in a relationship with Lee Maren as well if you're comfortable) and when they meet brad and jake , Jake says something ( maybe insinuating that he wants to eat her) and they get protective especially lee. If you don't want to write or don't feel comfortable it's ok. Thank you! Have a good day/night!

FOUNDERS’ BLUES

[Lee x Reader oneshot] 623 words

Tags: No y/n, non-eater Reader, lee being protective, no Maren (sorry bae ily)

Warnings: Bones and all typical shit. Mentions of abuse and parental addiction.

A/n: I made this a song fic and idk how I feel about it. Anyway song if from a deleted scene with those mf hillbillies. Enjoy <3

———

———

Beat and bloody, walking along the steaming asphalt of the highway in the peak of summer. Your feet were walked bare and you could feel your pulse behind every cut and bruise.

That was when Lee found you; “all bloody and beautiful.” You had taken enough beatings from your addict parents and when they brought you close to death, you knew it was either that or life on the road.

He took you to a nearby diner to fill your stomach before he started pressing you with questions. You couldn’t hold it in, you told him everything.

He had gotten you a motel for a few nights so you could recover. At first you thought his actions were due to his sincere concern, but when he had snuck into the motel room he booked for you covered in blood; you soon learnt the truth.

I run the roads 'cause I know best.

Leave the highway for to get my rest.

Sleeping o'er the meeting house and dream of who tastes best.

Your parents were declared missing by none other than their drug dealer a few days later. Lee thought you would have hated him, he had only snuck in to take advantage of the shower, but when he said,

“They’re gone.” you just hugged him.

I come to town and I know best.

I greet the day on my two legs.

More months than you could count on your hands had passed and you and Lee had gotten extremely close; physically, emotionally, on every level.

Slide my arms inside these red and grey tails.

Push the window open, find the reverend up and dressed.

I fear the Lord, but I know best.

You and him had ran into another duo, two hillbillies in the woods; Brad, the eater, and Jake, a wanna-be eater. What a gruesome pair.

I clean the floor and stay a day.

Slip in your room, lay my hands on your frame Daughter come and die for me, protesting less and less.

Close your eyes, I'll do the rest.

“You’ve got a sweet one there, dontcha’ Lee?” Brad’s cadence on sweet made chills run down your spine. You, as calmly as you could, gave Lee’s arm a squeeze and he gave you a knowing look.

Midnight comes and it's the best.

Stare the stars at me, the moon to ingest,

“What do you mean by that man?” Lee barked.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you’ve never thought of it!” Lee sat up and scooted a little in front of you, ready to jump at the creep at any second.

“You are crossing a line man” Lee threatened.

The smile he had on his face when he noticed was sickening, you wondered if he was always this off-putting.

You leaned in and asked Lee if it was time to go and he gave you a subtle nod.

Leave the untold buried in a sack where no one guessed,

and take the ride that runs the best.

You got up and quickly walked to the car until you heard Lee yell, “RUN!”

Your head snapped back and you saw Lee running right behind you, the hillbillies on his tail.

You threw open the truck door and slid to the driver's seat, leaving the door open for Lee.

“KEYS!” You yelled, Lee was one step ahead of you and threw the keys in the bay of the truck.

As you threw your arm down to grab them, Lee jumped in the truck and you started it. You drove off and watched the two men run behind the truck.

I'll take the ride that runs the best

I'll take the ride that runs the best

I take the ride that runs the best.

[hazelfoureyes]

Besties Get Banged (part2)

⟢Angel Dust x PornstarReader - Besties get Banged smut💦

Part 1 ꒰აMaleReader ✧ FemaleReader໒꒱ Part 2 ꒰აMaleReader ✧ FemaleReader໒꒱

Val leaves set and Angel offers the sofa of his dressing room to continue what you started.

「warnings/promises: Bottom Angel x Top MaleReader, anal creampie, Angel bounces on your dick, quick fuck, kisses, frotting, cuddles」 same story as female reader; just different bits and bobbles

minors dni 🧯

Angel’s hand slipped into yours as soon as Val was called off set. You two had been corrected for your behavior by the overlord, but luckily his square headed prince needed him.

“Ya know, I have a private dressin’ room.” Angel’s fingers tugged your hand, “With a sofa.”

The benefit of so many arms was how easily he could close the door, lock it, and pull open both of your robes all while you struggled to shake off your slippers.

His mouth left yours as he gently pushed you back toward the purple chaise lounge near the balcony door, “You whole?” 

A common question amongst Val’s employees, especially those who found comfort in each other after his abusive power trips. Not are you hurt, that implies just physical harm. Not are you okay, you can be okay and not be okay. You understood very well what he was asking, are you mentally and physically comfortable to continue?

You nodded, “Yeah, you?”

“He doesn’t get to me as badly anymore,” two hands on your face, two on your hips. Ah, you wish you could touch him more, with as many hands as he had soft places to caress. Angel lowered you, lithe body coming to rest on yours as his hips began moving against your crotch. Soft cock slowly growing against your own, lube being rubbed along your length by his ministrations.

As soon as he was confident you were hard enough to enter him, he straddled your hips and sank down. The sigh he made, the weakness that came over his face as he felt you stretching him open made you shudder. Being enclosed into his tight but welcoming ass brought you a groan, you found Angel to be such an apt name now. A streak of electricity travelled from your spine down and forward to your crotch as you watched him begin to bounce.

Angel wasted no time in finishing the fucking he had been dreaming of just an hour earlier. His arms came down, fingers exploring your chest and stomach. Hungry for your affection, for the tenderness he so desperately needed, his mouth crashed into your cheek. Sloppy, happily unprofessional, he kissed and licked his way to your mouth, already open and waiting to receive him. 

He tasted like candy on your tongue, sweet and melting. Every gasp and moan he pulled from himself riding your cock seemed to echo in your throat.

“Shit, close,” he whined, “Already”. He found your hands with his, pulling them up as he leaned back. Your arms offered stability as he began shallow but quick movements. 

“Cum for me? Please.” A needy whine.

You sat up, grabbing him by the ass and raising him up. Two arms wrapped around your neck as he held tightly. Gripping that tiny waist you began to chase your release,  pistoning up into his heat.  Angel was gasping a chorus of “fuck”s into your neck.

He pulled you in for another kiss, lips pressing into yours with no rhythm or goal.

One of his hands came between your bodies, trying to meet you at the edge. “Cum inside me,” His hand was furiously stroking his red and leaking cock, eyes shut, his attention focused on the place where you were inside him, the heat and the stiffness of how aroused he made you. As he whispered, “so close” and whined “baby” into your ear with gasped breaths, you thought about feeling Angel Dust wringing your balls empty and quickly reached your orgasm. 

“Cumming!” was all you could manage as your teeth clenched and head came down onto his shoulder. Your hips kept moving, drawing out as much as you could. 

Angel’s hand pulled off, your stomach painted in long ropes of his cum. He brought back his hand after a brief pause, moaning as he gripped and pulled every last drop out onto his knuckles. You watched him dribbling down his hand and onto you.

His hips kept grinding, jerking with overstimulation. His still twitching hole gripped you and made you groan as you fell back. 

“You came so deep,” he ground down in a circle motion, you hissing and smacking lightly at his ass.

“Sorry.” You offered.

“Whaddya apologizin’ for? I’m not complainin’.” He smirked down at you,m.

You slipped out, soft and spent. 

Hot, he leaned down onto your chest. His mouth kept finding its way back to you, lazy but content kisses peppered across pink cheeks and flush lips. 

Rarely he could be held so gently while sober, so he took his time in enjoying your tenderness. Four arms wrapped around you and squeezed, “Val’s not gonna let us work together again.” He said it matter of factly.

You sucked in through your teeth, “Yeeeeeah… I’ll probably get canned.”

Angel pursed his lips, “Well, I know a solution to both problems.” He pulled back, beaming down at you, “A place with free rent where yous’ can easily see me anytime we want. How do ya feel about group activities?”

༻Masterlist༺

Angelic Choir: @yea-no19 (sorry it look a month!)

[nekoatsume2]

it mo 🦭 miss me? sadly i still need help. as some of you might know- me + my abusers were evicted recently & had to move in to an apartment complex. because of being rushed & just not having time to pack outside of my job, we/i left so much behind. im mostly trying to build up from scratch bc we need so much and im only working part-time ($14/hr).

🥗 has been so shitty as of late, he keeps (stealing) eating my food/snacks when hes over in front of me, making SANDWICHES ON TOP OF WHERE MY PC SITS NO PLATE NO NOTHING and then verbally abusing for buying anything for myself. so now i have to hide anything he'll grill me over, again. he also is just critical of anything i do- sleeping, eating, walking / commuting, buying stuff, etc. 🎮 & 📚 have been a bit mellower but still treating me like they always have. ive been under so much stress being the only one w a job in this apartment (🎮📚 live here, 🥗 just comes over often).

for the apartment...: the fridge here was not working properly until monday and i couldn't really buy groceries & had to rely on fast food bc what i bought kept going bad haha! the wifi here is free but practically just unusable 24/7. if anything goes wrong in the apt, we have to wait awhile bc they decided to only have 1 maintenance worker for hundreds of apartments. we're on the top floor and the stairs are KILLING my legs. its okay other than that and im still overall glad i still have somewhere to rest my head (for less than $400 a week, has hot water & built in laundromat).

me, specifically? i cant eat in the mornings of the days i work anymore. the anxiety is immense and my throat just wont open. i still wake up nauseous. i can barely eat before 12pm most days. my arfid has gotten even worse, i cant even swallow regular sandwich bread anymore. my workplace also has issues with water leaks & being able to have water on so its a coin toss if i can ever use the bathroom there if need be. lyft rides are more expensive now (can get as bad as $50). i need time to learn/get used to the buses here. chronic pain is kicking my ass & i have no weed to help. at least i seem to be ok work performance wise. i just have a lot on my shoulders.

so i need any money help i can get. please :'). also i still have comms open, just dm me here on tumblr <3 if thats more up ur alley.

heres a list of what i need 🦸 feel free to ask about why i might need something here/help but only if you have the $ to back it up lol:

k0fi link 🪶

c4shapp link 💲

g0fundme link 💸

buymeacoffee link ☕

dm for: p4ypal z3lle stripe chime wisely, etc!

rbs turned off = outdated/goal met/out of time

[ohnoitstbskyen]

The weirdest thing to me about League is that for some reason in a pool of amazing characters my brain latched into Lux of all people. Why? Who knows but I want her to leave Demacia and hunt down Nocturne and meet people who grew up with magic and accept her as she is and she learns through these experiences that she has to return home and really take a stand.

Why Lux. Why did it have to be Lux and not... idk Veigar or smth

Lux has a compelling story - not an especially original one, but a compelling one, built on compelling tropes.

She's this sheltered girl raised in privilege, who should have every reason in the world to simply embrace her fortune, go with the flow and live as her family wants her to. The Crownguards are more than capable of protecting her from the persecution that Demacia heaps on every other mage and magical creature, and more than happy to, so long as Lux lives up to the family name.

And yet... she can't do it. First of all, as she grows up, she becomes ever more sickly aware in her soul how inhuman the treatment of mages is under Demacian law, the brutality and oppression that is leveraged against them, all to prop up the legitimacy of the government. Second... she doesn't want to repress her magic. She has a light inside of her which is intrinsic to her being, a true and natural extension of who she is, how she exists in the world, and pushing it down and denying it is painful. She is full of curiosity about it, and eager to see what she can do with it, but she cannot be both a free mage and a Crownguard.

Lux is, in other words, a queer trans nonbinary lesbian genderqueer aroace gay gay gay homosexual gay. Or, to be less flippant, in her story magic is an extremely apt metaphor for queerness and how to navigate being queer in a bigoted environment.

It also works for other things, of course, there are other reasons to feel stifled and trapped by the rules and restrictions of society or by the demands of your family. Lux could also be a secret socialist, and the oppression of mages could reflect the way the bodies of the proletariat are abused to build capitalist state power - or you could read it as a theme of neurodivergency in a world that is still run on a lot of eugenicist logic. Although to be perfectly frank with you, if Lux is cishet, then I am a honey badger, her magic power is literally rainbow lasers.

So there are themes there, there are things to relate to, to hold on to, to be carried away by. There's a lot of great characters in League of Legends, all of which deserve better than to be owned by Riot Games, and Lux is one of them.

Also, her best friend is a building-sized himbo dragon statue which comes to life when she uses her magic around him and gives her friendly life advice while musing about how much he wants to punch kaiju in the face, which, like, I don't know how to NOT be charmed by that.

[potions-of-dark-devotion]

Something I think most people do not take into consideration about Severus Snape is that through our interactions with him in the book, we only see him through Harry’s perspective, which means we are only ever often seeing the very worst of him, when he is in the worst moods or under the worst stress.

The moments Harry witnesses Snape lash out are the moments when he is most prone to lash out or make some kind of sarcasticly barbed remark. Even in the situations with Neville and Snape; Neville has class with Harry, so there again Snape is more apt to be more irritated and less patient than usual.

This is not at all to say that Harry is at fault for their interactions; rather it’s to say that the readers perception of Severus Snape more than likely isn’t how he actually acts on a day to day basis in the presence of other characters. Yes, other students still consider him strict and somewhat unaproachable , but not cruel and not truly frightening or abusive. Even when we do see him intensely angry with Harry or Neville the worst things that happen are the incidents with Neville’s Toad Trevor, Hermione’s teeth, and the time Harry sees his memories of trauma and abuse at the hands of his father and Severus lashes out by throwing a jar at him ( an isolated particularly heated incident).

What I mean to say is, these examples are the worst that Severus Snape is capable of; not true cruelty but heavy sarcasm and irritation. Most students’ interactions with him likely aren’t as Harry or Neville’s nor as spectacular, but are perhaps more typical of a usually strict academic environment. We are (much of the time) judging the whole of Severus Snapes character by his weakest, hardest, most difficult moments. Almost Every other character is given the chance to balance one characters perspective of them with moments of tenderness, humor, kindness or warmth from the perspective of another character. The only time we get this second perspective with Severus is during The Princes Tale. I would loved to have seen Dumbledores or McGonagalls or even the other students interactions with him like Luna Lovegood; of course because this is Harry’s story we get Harry’s perspective and that’s valid but i think it also leaves us with the incongruous idea that Snape was constantly mean and cruel and then one day decided to bloom human emotions, when in fact he has been almost different person in the presence of most other characters.