#'When did it end? All the enjoyment / I'm sad again don't tell my boyfriend / It's not what he's made for'

[southhbound]

BILLIE EILISH & FINNEAS O’CONNELL • 2024 Oscars

I used to float, now I just fall down, I used to know but I'm not sure now, What I was made for, Takin' a drive, I was an ideal, Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real, Just something you paid for, What was I made for? 'Cause I, I, I don't know how to feel, But I wanna try, I don't know how to feel, But someday, I might, When did it end? All the enjoyment, I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend, It's not what he's made for, What was I made for?, 'Cause I, 'cause I, I don't know how to feel, But I wanna try, I don't know how to feel, But someday I might, Think I forgot how to be happy, Something I'm not, but something I can be, Something I wait for, Something I'm made for

[smehur]

Some Harry/Draco Fic Recs

There is so much great fic in this fandom, I'm struggling to keep track of everything I read and like. I already mentioned some of my early favorites here, but I have since found several more.

In no particular order:

Hermione Granger's Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run by waspabi

In which Harry did not go to Hogwarts, but is instead found by a group of seventh year students led by Hermione, and recruited for the war at the ripe age of 17.

I'm not usually a fan of AUs, but this charmed me within the first few paragraphs with irresistible characterization. Harry is a little different than how I imagine him, but the premise allows for it. And the Harry/Draco romance is possibly the sweetest, softest I've seen so far. 10/10 would read again.

In Pieces by dysonrules

Harry returns to Hogwarts as the new DADA instructor, only to find his teaching efforts thwarted by a very familiar ghost.

When I got this rec myself, I wasn't sure I would like it, because, well, the summary spells it out, doesn't it? But I ended up loving it. It's incredibly sweet and tender and sad and hot. I couldn't put it down.

An Emerald In The Sky by corvuscrowned

The hardest part about shagging an Unspeakable is that they’re not allowed to speak of anything. All Draco knows is that Harry works in Time. Harry works in Time, and while he’s out there in all of that time, it is as unforgiving to him as it is to anyone. Somewhere along the way, Draco realizes he's been thinking in lines, when he should have been thinking in circles.

This story moved me like few others. It's a masterpiece of 'show, don't tell' in that elusive way I have never been able to tap in my own writing. It speaks in images, and the images capture incredibly specific, perfectly chosen details that paint years and decades of slowly fading hope. Just the thing for one who considers their own aging and mortality increasingly often.

Take You Home by lq_traintracks (lumosed_quill)

Everybody’s a little fucked up after the war, Draco especially. What starts as hate sex after a night out, eventually turns into something else, something more like comfort. And even though his friends all tell Harry he’s just being used, all Harry’s doing is making sure Draco gets home in one piece. He’s not falling helplessly in love.

From the author of one of my early favorites (Right Hand Red), a hugely enjoyable read that makes love to a post-war Draco (and his long hair in a man-bun that he fastens with his wand). I gulped this down in one sitting.

Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster

Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.

I am in love with this premise. It works so well? While I wished for a bit more shipping and a bit less collateral, I still enjoyed this story immensely and went on to read almost everything the author wrote for the pairing.

An Issue of Consequence by Faith Wood

Draco has woken up in an alternate universe. Or he has woken up utterly insane. Nothing else can possibly explain why Harry Potter suddenly seems to think he's Draco's boyfriend.

The light-hearted summary belies the gravity of the plot of yet another favorite tale from the pen of my favorite author. The POV immersion is so deep that I absolutely did not see the resolution of the mystery until it was revealed, and then I was just as shocked as Draco. Fabulous stuff.

A Doll's Tale by Faith Wood

Harry/Draco, as observed by Draco's childhood doll. Please note, this doll is very self-absorbed.

This... broke me a little, lol. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing (too) heavy, angsty or dark about this story. It's as innocent as they get? But it just clicked so well with the idea I've been brewing in my own (yet to be published) writings, of Draco as this... sensitive boy hiding under the guise of confidence and cruelty. And the plot-twist, Merlin. Was it obvious? Maybe, but not to me! It struck me like a (fluffy toy) train and days later, I'm still recovering. I want to take this fic and hug it when I go to sleep.

Actually, I'm in a bit of a pickle, as my instinct is to list pretty much every single thing written by Faith Wood that I've read so far. But that would be silly, so I'll list only one more, as a treat.

Beholden by Faith Wood

Draco Malfoy might not be a killer, but it turns out he's an effective painkiller. If stopping pain was all Draco's touch did, things might not be so complicated, but either way Harry can't afford to be choosy.

I already mentioned this one in that inaugural post I linked at the very top, but: 1) it's now completed and can be safely binged on; and 2) the only thing I said about it back then is that it deals with chronic pain, which was particularly relevant at the time because I was at the peak of sciatica and could relate to poor Harry all too well. But that's just one of the many merits of this incredible story. Now that I'm feeling better, I'd praise it first and foremost for the patient exploration of the characters' inner worlds and the gradual, methodical and inexorable buildup of their feelings and convictions that eventually leads to falling in love. A masterpiece of slow burn. I plan not only to read this again, but to study it in the hopes of improving my own craft.

Tagging the authors I found on here: @dysonrules @faith2wood @corvuscrowned @lqtraintracks and also my friend @kuraiummei who helped me find some of these gems.

Thank you for enriching my life. ❤️

[mikeycameron]

What was I made for?

♪When did it end? All the enjoyment♪

♪I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend♪

♪It's not what he's made for...

What was I made for?♪

[anathemaspeaks]

what was i made for?

character(s): toji fushiguro synopsis: toji doesn't believe he deserves love - until you come along. word count: 0.6k warning(s): none, it's purely fluff a/n: tried something new lemme know how you feel about thisss

reblogs, follows, and likes are appreciated :)

i used to float, now i just fall down i used to know, but i'm not sure now what was i made for?

toji who thinks he is not worthy of love. he is not a man deserving enough to have someone to care for him, someone who chooses to stay with him simply because they want to, not because they gain something out of it. all he did was cause pain, anyways. he was better off alone.

what was i made for?

his path had been one of solitude for god knows how long. looked down upon by everyone, barely surviving physically and mentally - a man, no, a monster who gave up his own son. people like him don't get second chances.

nobody can love a monster. nobody even wants to be around one.

taking a drive, i was an ideal looked so alive, turns out i'm not real just something you paid for

toji who had no one left in this world, nothing to live for, nothing but a shell of the man he used to be - the man he could have been. he was useless. empty. a man without a purpose. someone else's puppet. he didn't have any power over his own life. he was pathetic.

what was i made for? cause i don't know how to feel but i wanna try

vacant, brutal words engraved onto his soul. he was a monster, and he always will be. that is just how his life will be - his destiny. he would just be alive, never quite living, silently wishing he could end it all.

i don't know how to feel but someday, i might

and then you - who crashes into his life in all your frustratingly captivating glory and finds a home in his heart. you thought toji fushiguro was no monster, he was just a man who had been hurt and misunderstood far too many times. a broken man. you saw right through his tough façade. you were the first person who showed him how it felt to be seen as something other than a fraud of a human.

when did it end? all the enjoyment i'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend it's not what he's made for what was i made for?

falling in love with you was the easiest thing he ever had to do. you, with your kind eyes and gentle smile. you, with your warm words and and comforting presence. you, who never pitied him. quite the opposite, really. a man who had been through so much, and who still fought so hard every single day, how could you not be wonderstruck and completely infatuated by him?

you, the only person who made him feel safe.

cause i don't know how to feel but i wanna try

toji, who would rather die than ever see you cry. toji, who doesn't really know what love is, but gives you the whole world. toji, who isn't used to healthy communication, but for you, he tries. toji, who still has a lot to learn, but is perfect in your eyes. toji, who is only happy when he's with you. toji, who is always there for you. toji hadn't been sure of anything in his life until you.

i don't know how to feel but someday, i might

toji who gets his spark back. he knows who he is, and it's all because of you. toji who fixes his life, but can he even call it his when it's all for you? toji who doesn't even have to think twice about it when he asks you to marry him.

and you don't have to think twice about it when you say yes.

think i forgot how to be happy something i'm not, but something i can be

toji who would gladly spend the rest of his life with you. he was a man who had nothing, but with you in his arms, he has the whole world. a man considered to be stoic and unaffectionate, absolute putty in your hands. you would always have him wrapped around your finger.

and he would have it no other way.

something i wait for something i'm made for

toji, who finally gets the happy ever after he thought he didn't deserve.

this is all based on a true story btw, we're getting married soon 💋

[kairiscorner]

🎶 When did it end? All the enjoyment

I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend

It's not what he's made for

What was I made for? 🎶 my fav part fr... anyways GOOD MORNING/AFTERNOON/EVENING KAIRIIIII. teehee.. can you do a miles x reader comforting reader? (any kind of problem that you want.. ex: weight, exams, feeling like a failure and etc) if you want to ofc!

🐨-

HI AGAIN 🐨 ANON MY BOO 🫂 omg i LOVE this idea, also why would you hurt me with 'what was i made for' (sobs uncontrollably) BUT ANYWAY, HOPING YOU LIKE THISSSS

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

everything's gonna be alright — miles 1610 x reader

summary: lately, you haven't been feeling very proud of yourself. you used to be so good at what you did, it was your pride and joy to be amazing at what you do--but it's like the spark's gone, and when that spark's gone... wouldn't who you are be gone, too? miles doesn't think so, though, and he's here to prove you are so much more than how you see yourself. word count: 827

you couldn't pick up the phone right now, everything just felt so... suffocating. nothing felt right about today, about this whole week. you knew you should expect days like this, days when you feel unmotivated to do what you usually brings you fulfilment and joy, but recently, it's gotten a lot more intense. you felt like you were falling behind, like everyone else is getting ahead of you while you're still stuck back to where you started. you felt like the world was passing you by, and no matter what you did to counter that feeling, the feeling merely festered and worsened. you hated what you became when you felt this way, it made you feel like you weren't really in control of yourself.

"gonna, um... gonna talk about it?" miles asked you as he crawled into your room through your open window. you sighed, unsurprised that miles came after you ignored his calls. he always visited you like this, it was kind of tradition now ever since he got his powers. but whenever he came, you were usually so bright and cheery, with you doing whatever it was you were so passionate about–but recently, you've been more and more closed off, and it's been concerning miles.

you shrugged. "what's there to talk about?" you asked him as you began picking up the fallen items and pillows from your flurry of anger and disappointment in yourself. miles helped you clean up, what with him having memorized every inch of your room since he's here so often. "maybe about the fact you've been kinda off these days, and... i've been calling you. but you never responded, so i felt the need to see if you were okay–" "i'm fine." you responded immediately as you almost slammed your notebooks back on the desk, your nostrils flaring and your eyebrows knitting together.

miles looked at you with concern in his eyes. he approached you slowly, worried about what happened, even though you said you were fine. "i'll believe you, but if you wanna talk..." he began as he picked up a photo of you two that fell down from your notebooks and looked at it, smiling as he saw the silly faces you both made. "...i'm right here for you." he said as he gently pat your back and handed you the photo. you looked at him and took the photo from him, feeling slightly ashamed you were turning him away when he's so eager to help you. you felt a coldness overwhelm you as you shut your eyes and sighed. you admitted to miles nothing was okay right now, not a single thing was okay about this whole week and everything just... felt like you weren't important, your efforts weren't being recognized, and you were working yourself to the bone for nothing.

you felt hot tears form in your eyes as miles gently wiped them away for you. he nodded and looked at you with sympathy and compassion filling his face as sadness and regret filled yours as you thought more and more about how pathetic you saw yourself, how pathetic miles must've seen you at that moment. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry i'm so... so pathetic, i--" but before you could finish, miles shushed you and wrapped you in a gentle hug. "hey, hey... it's okay. you're good." he reassured you as he held you close, with you holding on to him and sobbing a little more into his shoulder.

"but it's... it's not okay, you have such valid problems, like saving the city, taking down villains, making peace with your uncle's death... and here i am crying over such stupid things..." you murmured as your lower lip trembled and as your eyes filled with new tears. miles kept holding you close as he rubbed your back. "all problems are valid. and even if you don't think so, i do. you're perfect in everything you do, because you make it your own. don't feel pressured to be on top, i'm perfectly content meeting you halfway there, or nowhere near the top at all."

"i love you, and i love everything it is you do. if you don't feel like doing it, don't be disappointed in yourself. take a break, be kinder to yourself, and best of all... realize you're worth so much more than your hobby, your grades, your looks, your everything. you are not what you make, you are who want to be." miles said as he pulled away from you and smiled as he wipes away the remainder of your tears. "and if you want me to start, well then, i'm no hero--the city made me that. i know who i am, and that is your annoyingly cute boyfriend of yours who will never stop reminding you i care, and that you are wonderful." he said as he kissed the top of your head and held you close again. "and i love you, so, so, so much."

tags !! @k4tsu3 @fiannee @luvstarrstruck @toneystank-3000 @ii01vq @maxoloqy @solecitoszn

[nogenderbee]

Platonic obey me brothers reaction to MC dating Solomon?

Absolutely! I also added that brothers have a little crush on MC while discovering they're dating Solomon since I LIVE for ANGST~ (hope you don't mind) but despite that, I hope you'll enjoy this <3

Brothers react to reader dating Solomon

TagList: @indi-has-fallen @vodka-glrl @miya-akane

⊱ Lucifer really thought that you know your own value but... is Solomon really your best choice?

⊱ at first he really tried to find some rational reasons why you could fall for him but as much as he tried, it didn't work

"What is it that they see in him? Let me think... high status, good at magic, troublemaker, always interrupting, loud... no, I don't know what they see in him."

⊱ yeah, he don't understands it all...

⊱ also, he'll never admit it but he does feel like you could've done better, he's not feeling angry or jealous, he just thinks you could do better than dating troublemaker like him

⊱ sure, he'd much prefer if you dated him but someone else who's reliable and little serious would definitely be much better for role of your lover

⊱ whenever you tell him about your recent date, he'd always find something to complain about and it always has to do with your boyfriend

⊱ honestly, if you'd get 1 grimm for every time he "sercretly" suggested you break up with him, you'd be like a millionaire right now

"That doesn't sound like enjoyable date to me. Although everyone have their preferences, I assume..."

⊱ you don't know how sad Mammon was when he discovered that you're dating sorcerer, of course if you told him yourself then you probably did since he's really bad at pretending he doesn't care

⊱ for first couple of days after discovering that, he probably avoided you and if you'd ask him about it, he'd say he simply has some business to do

"What ya mean I'm avoiding ya?! THE Mammon simply has business to do! Those sweet money don't come that easily, ya know?"

⊱ he probably won't admit it but the truth it, he'll give up every single grimm he has just to be at that sorcerer human place

⊱ I swear if you ever be all lovey dovey with Solomon while he's watching, he'll start making disgusting face or maybe even leave the room

⊱ suprisingly tho, he never insulted your boyfriend around you just because he's dating you, sure, he made some face of disgust but he usually is nice compared to some of his other brothers

⊱ I dare you to tell him about your date and he'll start complaining sooo much about it

"Alright, well I don't really care about that stupid date of yours! C'mon don't waste my time and let's do what we supposed to in the first place!"

⊱ looking at fact that Levi is literally Avatar of Envy, you can only imagine how much jealousy he felt in that moment

⊱ boy literally can't sleep at night because he's thinking if he's really worse that Solomon

⊱ trust me when I say that he actually tried to find some points putting him in better light but he ended up understanding why you picked human sorcerer over him...

⊱ that doesn't change the fact that he can't sleep at night, he still can't but instead of thinking he just feels sad and maybe game all night to focus on something else

"Am I really that bad...? I mean I must be better than Solomon at least! He's talented, smart, handsome, successful... yeah, no, I am worse..."

⊱ this boo is on his phone basically all the time and when your partner is around, he's not even looking up from his phone, even if it's just staring on his wallpaper

⊱ of course he'd prefer if you'd just broke up with him but then again, you're always so nice to him so there's no way HE will bring his friend down

⊱ so if you ever try telling him about your date, he'll be silent and just add from time to time something like "oh yeah, that's nice"

"That's nice... have a nice date then, I assume... I will just... play in my room... alone..."

⊱ again, someone who's sin affects his reaction, as an Avatar of Wrath, Satan will be furious when he discovered you're dating the sorcerer

⊱ although obviously he tried to control himself since he doesn't want to scare you away and that wouldn't be very polite of him, so as much as he hates it, he's trying it be calm

⊱ don't be surprised if he randomly leaves tho, better that then him yelling at you or your boyfriend

"That's one way to suffer in your life... No, I'm not complaining or anything. You're free to do anything you want."

⊱ he'll try to not say anything mean when your partner is around but he will send him some states filled with pure madness from time to time

⊱ unlike others, he doesn't even try to find some positives in Solomon but he still sees why you'd choose him

⊱ as much as he'd like to just beat up say mean stuff to your partner, he also wouldn't want to harm your opinion on him

⊱ alright but talking to him about your date is something he definitely won't be able to handle so he'll probably just straight up tell you that he's not interested

"Sorry to brak it up to you but I don't have slightest interest in your date."

⊱ finally, one of the boys who's actually supportive of your relationship even tho it hurts him

⊱ Asmo definitely was you biggest supporter when you told him you're dating sorcerer, like he accepted it easily or even knew from beginning that you're going to be together

⊱ of course on every sleepover with him, he absolutely has to ask you everything about your boyfriend

⊱ part of him just likes the gossips and the other just wants to make sure he's treating you like you deserve

"Alright, hon, we're having sleepover at my room today! How's that, huh?"

⊱ his behavior doesn't really change much after you found a new boyfriend, sure, he is slightly less affectionate with you but that's really it

⊱ as you can imagine, he's all in for listening about how your date went and even will give you some nice recommendations on to where to have another one

"Let me think... Do you want date in formal or fun style? If formal, I'd mostly suggest you ask Beel for restaurants recommendations... If fun then I might just have couple of places in mind~"

⊱ another one that's completely supportive despite being sad you didn't choose him

⊱ Beel won't ask for any details but he'll gladly listen to what you have to say about your new lover

"Congratulations! I'm happy that both of you are now happy together!"

⊱ it's a little different when telling him about your date, he'll ask for details just to make sure you had a great time there

⊱ I know he's sweet and all but let me tell you something: he WILL beat up Solomon if he hurts you, if not then he's safe!

⊱ he doesn't really act any different towards you or your partner, he's still his same and usual sweet self

⊱ although he is more hungry and always has to snack on something when you start talking about your boyfriend but he's telling you it's just his gluttony

⊱ while that's not fully a lie, it's also not complete truth, he also prefers to have something else to focus on, as much as he enjoys listening how happy you are in your relationship, it also makes him sad it's not him

"Ah? About your date? Yeah, of course you can tell me about it! I'd be glad to listen! Just let me grab some snacks first."

⊱ I'm so sure Belphie would be last one to know about your relationship, like maybe he just slept through your monologue about you getting a boyfriend

⊱ but once he finally discovers that, he'll act like he completely don't care but looking at how much he naps, it's easy to say that it's a lie

⊱ whenever you even try to start the topic of your boyfriend, he'll simply reply that he's too lazy to listen and much rather to take a nap

"Are you gonna ramble? Alright, then you ramble and I'll take a nap. Goodnight."

⊱ it's even worse when you try to tell him about your date, if you start, he's ready to even leave the room

⊱ change in his behavior really will depend on how close you were before you started dating Solomon

⊱ if you were close then nothing will change except him randomly falling asleep when topic of your boyfriend starts, but if you weren't so close them he's slightly distancing himself from you

⊱ similar to Beel tho: your boyfriend hurts you and he hurts him but unlike his twin, he's not afraid to tell that to his face

"Tell me if he will ever do something to you. I'll make sure to have some chat with him if he does."

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

[unpublishediary]

What Was I Made For? (peter parker)

INTEREST₊˚ Peter Parker X Reader (showing signs of depression)

SYNOPSIS‧₊˚ Reader going through a seasonal depressive episode and Peter helping her through it. Based on the lyrics from, What Was I Made For by Billie Eilish.

WARNINGS(S)‧₊˚ depression

| masterlist | (requests open) |

I used to float, now I just fall down

I used to know but I'm not sure now

What I was made for, what was I made for?

The way the snow moved through the air mocked you with its playfulness, it was the first time you felt nothing as you watched the first snowfall from your bedroom window.

When you watched the specs of white land over New York, you thought about how easy life seemed before. The smiles that came automatically became forced, things you couldn’t wait for turned into the things you dragged yourself out of bed to go to.

Your unorganized thoughts pushed you away from your family, your friends, even your best friend who also was your boyfriend, Peter. The increased time you spend away from him also increased occurring thoughts that played on repeat:

unwanted, useless, unworthy.

Those words consumed you the way the cold consumed New York during the winter. Your skin being a witness the moment you stepped outside to meet Peter.

Takin' a drive, I was an ideal

Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real

Just something you paid for

What was I made for?

Peter texted you shortly after, he wanted to meet up because there was something he wanted to talk about.

When you eyes met his at the park, the snow around him made him beautiful. Seeing him sparked something so little but addicting inside of you, reminding you why you fell in love with him in the first place. Maybe your frown could’ve been a smile if your thoughts didn’t remind you of what was coming next.

unwanted, useless, unworthy.

Your thoughts didn’t stop. You were unwanted by Peter, useless in the relationship, unworthy of being with him, and apparently he figured that out too.

Peter sensed your sudden change in emotion the second it happened. He had been with you long enough to know that winter was a hard time for you and he wanted to talk with you in person. He surprised you halfway through your walk to his apartment. You two spent the rest of the walk engulfed in a comfortable silence.

When the both of you got there it was silent, he made you hot chocolate knowing you loved the sweet taste especially when it was colder outside.

He handed you a mug and as he went to grab his own, the steam of the drink traveled to your nose. The smell that should’ve been satisfying, made you feel nothing.

'Cause I, I don't know how to feel

But I wanna try

I don't know how to feel but someday, I might

Someday, I might

Peter held you on the couch that night. He held you because he knew you both needed it. Knowing you were hurting was one thing, but feeling like he couldn’t help you through what you were going through was harder.

“You know you can talk to me anytime anywhere right?”

Relaxing into his arms, you replied with a muffled hum with a yawn following. You wished you could reply with more than a noise but you were so tired. Tired of the fake smiles, the “I’m fines”, the forced positivity, tired of everything. All you could do was close your eyes.

“I want you to know I’ll always there for you, no matter what I’ll always be in your corner.” Peter whispered rubbing your back.

unwanted, useless, unworthy.

It was the first time your thoughts quieted just enough for you to dose off.

When did it end? All the enjoyment

I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend

It's not what he's made for

What was I made for?

It was barely light outside when you woke up to Peter stroking your hair from your forehead down to your ear. When your eyes fully adjusted to the light, Peter’s met yours.

You knew him like the back of your hand, he was holding something in, and you could tell. The way he fiddled with the blanket that covered the both of you confirmed it.

“Talk to me,” he practically begged, he was so eager to understand what you were feeling. For someone who could hold his own while fighting on the street, he felt so useless in the fight that mattered most.

The look in his eyes seemed so genuine and raw that it almost convinced you that he didn’t want to cut it off with you. That he was trying, but the repetitive thoughts gave you a reality check.

unwanted, useless, unworthy.

“I— I can’t I’m sorry.”

What hurt you the most was when he nodded like he expected that answer.

'Cause I, I don't know how to feel

But I wanna try

I don't know how to feel, but someday I might

Someday I might

It took time but you eventually talked to Peter about what was going on through your head. He suggested going to someone who could provide more help, but at first you refused with the thought of being vulnerable with a stranger seeming worse.

He got what you were feeling more than anyone else, he knew you were struggling and was patient with you. He checked in with you to make sure you were eating, told you stories to keep your mind off things, and if he was lucky he made you smile.

Sometimes Peter would casually bring up therapy. His consistency didn’t go unnoticed by you, you never told him, but every time he made a valid point about how it helped him with Ben, you considered it more and more.

You dreaded your first appointment, regretting it as soon as you clicked confirm on the schedule.

Think I forgot how to be happy

Something I'm not, but something I can be

Something I wait for

Something I'm made for

From texts texts to sitting with you in silence, Peter was there for you through it all.

The healing journey wasn’t easy. Sometimes the words came crashing down like heavy hail on bare skin, but the people surrounding you provided an umbrella.

unwanted, useless, unwort—

You took Peter’s hand, stopping to take the scene in.

Nothing fully stopped, but you knew so much more. You knew there were people wanting you to get better. For you to enjoy life the way you used to.

Watching your skin glow under the bright sun that was no match for the few remaining patches of snow, Peter smiled in your direction as you eyes lingered on the flower bud that signaled spring was arriving.

Something I’m made for.

masterlist <— for more fics like this

follow for more <3

[ambroszne]

“When did it end? All the enjoyment I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend It's not what he's made for What was I made for?

Think I forgot how to be happy Something I'm not, but something I can be Something I wait for”

[odetomalya]

> when did it end all the enjoyment i'm sad again don't tell my boyfriend it's not what he's made for what was I made for

[isonachiumbu0]

What fans don't realize is that "what was i made for" by billie eilish is a 2018 hamato yoshi song. It fits him to perfection!!! Yoshi was depressed and traumatized to hell in back in the battle nexus. He's being exploited constantly by big mama and generally is in an awful place mentally, emotionally, and physically

I used to float, now i just fall down

Yoshi used to be happy as an actor and while he still had issues, he was overall content, especially while dating big mama. Now he resents his lack of freedom and current life

I used to know, but i'm not sure now what i was made for. What was i made for?

This is yoshi's lifelong crisis!!! He's been raised to believe that he's a hamato and needs to be engrossed in the hamato clan and a savior for the world, to deny his own ambition and joy for the sake of the clan and by extension, the globe. Yoshi then became a famous actor to fulfill himself. Then, he was forced to be a battle nexus contestant and told that he was meant to be making money and entertaining that way. One could even go on to when he was mutated and took on the role of a father to four mutants, which was way different than anything else he had been. With him being forced into positions to take on different life paths, it's unclear to yoshi what he was made for at this point because it seems that no one can agree. He's having an existential crisis, poor guy. Was yoshi born to be a hamato ninja? Was he born to be a film star? Was he born to be a trafficking victim? Was he born to be a mutant rat father? WHO KNOWS ANYMORE, not yoshi

Takin' a drive, i was an ideal. Looked so alive. Turns out i'm not real, just something you paid for

THESE LYRICS!!! ARE SO YOSHI CORE!!! He was an idol in the film industry, an a-lister, someone to admire and a beloved pop culture icon. He still is even as a battle nexus contestant. However, yoshi is dehumanized by so many around him, big mama, his fanbase (his yōkai fanbase in particular), draxum, and is literally objectified, turned into a toy for others to use to their own end, to make money off him, to bolster their own fame, to empower a mutant army. The "turns out i'm not real" lyric doubly works because yoshi's a fictional character (but that's news to him)

When did it end? All the enjoyment

The battle nexus ruined any passion he had for fighting. as an actor, it was all fake and he was treated with care, in the battle nexus, it's all too real and his life is put on the line each match

I'm sad again. Don't tell my boyfriend. It's not what he's made for. What was i made for?

Yoshi is incredibly depressed about his hardships and current positions as an abductee. He can't rely on big mama for emotional support like he used to because, well, she has literally kidnapped him and is the one gleefully inflicting pain on him. It's not what big mama's made for and yoshi realizes that now. It bums him tf out. At one point, he thought she was perfect for that, but she's way too obsessed with power and profit

The lyrics i skipped are pretty obvious, i mean, i think they're all quite clear when tying the song to yoshi's story, but to breeze through it, yoshi's basically joyless, he wants to be joyful and maybe his sons and new family can help drag him out of his pain

Funnily enough, the song "barbie dreams" by fifty fifty from the very same album as "what was i made for" suits yoshi perfectly, too (pre-battle nexus). ALSO FROM THE SAME ALBUM is "dance the night" by dua lipa, which fits him as well!!! in "dance the night" Yoshi's struggling with the stress of being an asian actor in the 80s and the stress of his family. but heyyy, look how at how he stuns on the dance floorrrr even though he wants cryyy :D the song spectrum of yoshi having a good time from great time to meh time to terrible time: barbie dreams -> dance the night -> what was i made for

[mxboxlocks]

when did it end? / all the enjoyment / i'm sad again / don't tell my boyfriend / it's not what he's made for

[lovingoverwatchguys]

When did it end All the enjoyment? I'm sad again, Don't tell my boyfriend It's not what he's made for.

[lmskitty]

Someone put "What was I made for?" In a Getou playlist and now I'm at work damn near crying.

When did it end? All the enjoyment

I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend

It's not what he's made for

What was I made for?

Just the idea that Suguru goes through all of this alone and doesn't tell Satoru because that's not what their relationship is. Satoru is fun and happy, he's the strongest. Hes dealing with what happened and Suguru isn't. They were the strongest once right? Now what is he?

[brightlight-dazzlingeyes]

november with you | kylian mbappé (part ii/iii)

kylian mbappé x original female character [+18]

synopsis: alice has been living in paris for a year, she found a perfect job and a perfect boyfriend in this city, but the cold of november is bringing back old memories she wishes she could forget. warnings: established relationship; mentions of cheating; angst; mentions of smut; domestic fluff; i have never been to france; minors dni.

(this is a sequel to the french exit, but can be read as standalone)

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter

Part II — What Was I Made For?

“When did it end? All the enjoyment

I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend”

In the bathroom of an exclusive Parisian nightclub, Alice leans heavily against a sink countertop. The thumping bass coming from outside the bathroom door did little to help her regain her composure. She blinks, struggling to focus on her own reflection.

The fluorescent cold white light cast stark shadows, revealing smudges of mascara beneath her eyes and the slight crookedness of her eyeliner. Her reflection seemed to sway as she tried to fight her unsteady state.

Alice had taken Clara’s invitation for a ‘girls night out’, while Kylian enjoyed the night with his friends. They both agreed to go their separate ways for the evening, enjoying the company of their own group of friends.

Now, in this upscale club, Alice looked like a beautiful mess, but not the happy kind. A sense of hopelessness weighed on her as she stared at her own reflection. She had taken a few drinks, but as she fixed her makeup, she was filled with a deep sense of melancholy.

Partying just doesn't feel the same as it did a couple of years ago. Alice can't help but feel like time's catching up with her.

As she looked deep into her own eyes, she felt like a character – like the protagonist of a cliché story that never bothered to give her too many defining traits. What else did she have going for her besides looks and wealth?

Her shaky hands fished out her Dior makeup from her Miu Miu black leather clutch. The compact powder had a cool touch against her skin as she tried to apply it, her eyes still sparkling from a few too many drinks, but now revealing an underlying sadness.

The task of putting on lipstick became a mission as the tube wobbled in her tipsy grip, making her feel even more inadequate.

A voice from outside the bathroom door called her name, a friend checking up on her. With one last, slightly exaggerated attempt to fix her eyeliner, she took a deep breath and did her best to steady herself before rejoining her friends, using her meticulously reapplied makeup as a shield to hide her sadness.

Kylian comes home before she does – he feeds the cat, takes a warm shower and then patiently waits on the couch for what feels like an eternity, or roughly 30 minutes, until his beloved returns.

Finally, the door swings open, and Alice stumbles in. She looked like a young, clumsy Bambi as she attempted to walk in high heels. Her fingers clung tightly to the doorknob as she swayed for a moment, catching her balance.

Kylian holds back a laughter as he watches, curious to see her next move. To his surprise, Alice doesn't go in his direction. Instead, she slowly lowered herself to the floor, her back pressed firmly against the now closed door. There, at the entrance, she sat and stared at him.

"Did you have fun?" He asks, though he already had a good idea of her answer.

Alice simply nods, her shyness showing, and throws the question back at him. "Did you?"

Kylian pauses for a moment, considering before he replies, “I’m afraid not as much as you did.”

Alice's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. This kind of behavior had earned her countless reprimands in her previous relationship, and the memories still stung. She wasn't afraid of Kylian, but a nagging guilt tugged at her as she realized she was being happy without him – or at least was giving him the idea that she was being happy without him.

“I’m sorry.” Escaped her lips.

“What are you apologizing for?” Kylian furrows his brow.

"I got drunk!" She stated, as if it was the most evident thing in the world. In her mind, she believed she was articulating her feelings perfectly, explaining that even before her ex, her mother never approved this type of behavior. But instead, she just giggles.

“That's all?” Kylian gets up from the couch, understanding a bit better as he approaches her. Alice, still sitting on the floor, nods again, not comprehending why he remained so calm.

“We’re not fighting?” She asks, struggling to look up to him as she feels nauseous.

“Over a few drinks? No.” Kylian sits next to hear, close enough to hear the soft ‘oh’ that slipped from her lips. 

Her surprise was evident. Now that she didn't feel the need to explain herself further, words began to spill out of her. "I usually don't get jealous of you... Sometimes, there's a thing, but it passes," she admits, her words are slow and drawn out. "I'm more scared... I think, of you being jealous of me... Because... I don't want you to think I'm a slut." She reaches out, intertwining their fingers. "What I did... To David... I'm not doing it to anyone, I'm not doing it ever again. I promise."

Kylian listens attentively, grateful that she was opening up to him. He couldn't help but feel they should have had this conversation a long time ago.

"I trust you, baby, I really do," he reassures her. He plants a firm kiss on her forehead before continuing, "Let's not be jealous of each other, ever. I don't think that would be good for us." There was more he wanted to say, but he was afraid that she might not remember their conversation in the morning. ‘You got home safely, that’s all that matters to me’, he will say in the morning.

When Kylian says he trusts her, he really means it. He's got her figured out, knows when he's got her undivided attention, and can tell when her mind's off on a little wander. Plus, he's got this unwavering confidence – it's never once occurred to him that Alice could ever cheat on him.

In the quietness of their cozy bedroom, Kylian carefully slips off Alice's high-heeled shoes, placing them down gently. Seated on the edge of the bed, he cradled her feet in his hands and began a soothing massage, finding just the right pressure to chase away the discomfort. A contented sigh escapes Alice's lips. After the massage and helping her take a warm bath, they crawled into bed together, Kylian enveloped her in his arms, pulling her close. Before they knew it, exhaustion took over them, and they drifted off to sleep, cuddled together.

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last night / this morning

clarabonnet je t'aime bien 💓

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They wake up together, tangled under the duvet. With a shared, contented sigh, they exchange sleepy smiles; their faces illuminated by the gentle morning light. Alice finds herself gradually getting closer to Kylian, his warm chest is a welcome contrast to the chill in the room. Their lips meet in a series of slow, lazy kisses. 

It's a moment of pure comfort and intimacy, as they savor the simple joy of being wrapped in each other's arms on a cold November morning. Outside, the world gets colder with each passing day, succumbing to the chill of the approaching winter.

"Morning." He whispers, gently brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face, his voice still husky with sleep.

"Bonjour, mon amour." Alice responds, pulling him closer. She buries her face into his neck and shoulder, enjoying the familiar warmth and comfort he brings. His breath quickens as her kisses trail across his skin. Their foreheads meet and they gaze into each other's eyes, the world outside starting to fade away.

Their passion deepens with each passing second. Alice finds herself resting on top of him, her body pressed close, while Kylian's hands gently slide up and down her back, sending shivers of pleasure down her spine. The two slowly start moving, exploring each other's bodies, her hands caress his muscular chest, his powerful arms wrapped around her. She feels his arousal grow, sliding along the length of her slit, making her tremble.

Their lovemaking is slow and sweet, like honey dripping all over a warm piece of toast. Afterward, they lie together, reluctant to move, but eventually, the demands of the day call them back. With a shared sigh, they reluctantly kick off the covers and stretch out. The heated floor beneath them radiates warmth.

They go into the kitchen, still in their pajamas, and put on a pot of coffee. The aroma of coffee fills the air as Alice stands at the counter, slicing her favorite fruits. A persistent meowing echoes through the room and Alice looks down to find their curious feline friend, Renoir, rubbing against her leg, demanding attention. Kylian agrees to finish their breakfast as Alice gives attention to the kitten. Eventually she passes the time on her phone as she waits for the food to get ready.

When they’re eating, Kylian brings up something that has been bothering him. 

“I saw the pictures you just posted,” he mentions, his voice carrying a tinge of curiosity and concern. “Is this how you feel? Like Marie Antoinette?”

Alice has to pause so she doesn't choke on her food, she couldn't help but chuckle, her laughter dancing through the cozy kitchen. "I just like the photo, that's all.” But the levity was short-lived as a deeper realization hit her. "Well... maybe not in here, not in our home, but out there. I think I do feel like that sometimes. Like I'm just a pretty little thing who's not allowed to play the real game. Like I'm only here to entertain and do what I'm told." After their conversation the night before, Alice felt more inclined to open up to Kylian, to share her inner thoughts and vulnerabilities.

“I know what you mean, I feel like that sometimes, too.” Kylian says.

“You? You’re joking!” Alice scoffs in disbelief.

“I said sometimes.” He jokes, but then his expression turns serious. “Thinking that you’re not in control of your own life. I know the feeling. Entertain and do what you’re told, right? That’s what you said.” At that moment, Kylian also felt it was a good time to open up. “And sometimes – sometimes I feel like I have to please too many people, too many people count on me. Sometimes it can feel like my life became something out of my control, like I'm just a paw in someone else's game.”

“But that’s not true!” Alice is shocked he feels this way.

“No, it’s not. And it’s not true for you either.” He chuckles, thinking he made a good point.

A heavy silence hangs in the air, the only sound they can hear is Renoir as he enjoys his wet cat food.

“I want to be more, but I'm afraid this is all I can be.” Alice says, her fork tracing idle patterns on her plate.

"You’re afraid you've already peaked and it's all downhill from here. I know. I feel it too." Kylian replies, sharing her concerns.

“Kyky?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

It’s different this time, when she says that. After their conversation, they feel more connected than ever, and the ‘i love you’s’ have a deeper meaning.

[spinnysocks]

"What was I Made For?" by Billie Eilish is so Kion coded

ohhhh my god. you're so right. let me overanalyse this

I used to float, now I just fall down I used to know but I'm not sure now What I was made for What was I made for?

imagining kion looking at his reflection in the water, staring at his scar, after lashing out at the guard. he can't seem to do anything right, can't seem to trust himself anymore..

When did it end? All the enjoyment I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend It's not what he's made for What was I made for?

kion misses the days where he was a good leader of the guard, but he's not gonna admit it to his friends. he doesn't think they need to hear that..

Think I forgot how to be happy Something I'm not, but something I can be Something I wait for Something I'm made for Something I'm made for

kion comes to terms with the fact he is scarred on the outside forever, but he can heal on the inside. he can't go back to the way things were, but he can find peace in the now.. :’]