#'SINCE I DIED IVE BECOME FREE OF LOVE AND HATE'

[tonyfinale]

is she SERIOUSLY just hamming up a romantic moment wit inuyasha because she KNOWS naraku is watching over video chat????!!!! kikyo fucks so hard!!!!! i love her SOOOOOOOOOO GODDAMN MUCH!!!!!!!!!

[soulonoscopys]

What do you think about a possible borderline diagnosis to Dean?

Thank you so much for your question!! ✨

I'm so sorry for the long answer, you can skip to the conclusion if you like. I TRY HARD NOT TO GET CARRIED AWAY, but alas.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional. What I know is based purely on my own research and reading. I am in no way qualified to diagnose anyone. Since this is a fictional character, I am indulging for the sake of discourse. (Feel free to correct me on anything!)

This is the definition of borderline personality disorder (BPD), according to APA.

According to DSM-IV, there are 9 criteria for BPD. I’ll go through each one and see if Dean’s behavior or personality ‘fits’ here. To be diagnosed with BPD, at least 5 symptoms should be present.

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

Dean has always had an intense fear of abandonment, which is probably a consequence of losing Mary at a young age and dealing with a neglecting father. Dean goes to great lengths not to lose the people around him, and he is almost dependent on his family. He views it as a personal betrayal that Sam left for Stanford. In 01.21, he says to Sam: “the three of us, that’s all I have”. He becomes reckless when he fears he is losing someone close to him, which I’ll touch upon later. He also becomes very defensive and angry when he does feel betrayed, and he has an ‘us’ or ‘them’ mentality. When Mary joins the BMoL, it’s very much either us or them. If you’re not with us, then you’re betraying us, basically.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Dean’s relationships are quite intense, Sam being one of the most intense. One example is when his view of his 'perfect brother' was shattered due to the demon blood scenario, and this sends him into a tough spiral. His relationship with both John and Mary has for most of his life consisted of extreme idealization, which he later had to dismantle. Dean also has quite a trouble expressing himself in interpersonal relationships, especially admitting when is in the wrong (letting Gadreel possess Sam, blaming Cas for Mary’s death). And again, he holds this "all or nothing" mentality of either 'us' or 'them'.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Dean’s sense of self is very unstable from the get-go. Due to his insecure attachment style, he views himself as not worthy unless he is of service to others. He also has a very low opinion of himself. Like Crowley said in 09.11, no one hates Dean Winchester more than he hates himself. He doesn’t believe he deserves good things (much less a good life). Castiel reflects this when he says in 4.01: “You don’t think you deserve to be saved”

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

Dean does have some reckless behavior tendencies, which he leans into even more at times of stress, for example, excessive drinking and sex. I would also say excessive hunting (though this goes for both Winchester boys). Dean’s “I need to punch something” every time he is hurting emotionally, like when Mary leaves them or Cas dies.

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

Dean has a habit of throwing himself recklessly in situations where he could die, without a thought of the consequences. This is heightened when his fear of abandonment kicks in, and especially when he has lost a loved one. Some famous examples would be in the cabin episode in 11.10 when he thinks Sam is dead. Another one would be after Cas’ death, he punches his hand in anguish in 13.01. He also has a habit of having an explosive anger in later seasons when the stress is getting to him, like threatening Kaia with a gun in 13.09.

Like Sam says in 14.12, “no rest for the self-destructive”

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

I wouldn’t say Dean is incredibly moody, although he has the tendency to become incredibly irritable at small inconveniences. His emotional reactions are also quite intense.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Dean does feel empty from time to time, but I wouldn’t label it as a ‘chronic’ feeling. We do see that after hell, he feels empty, which Famine remarks on in 5.14: “You’re dead inside.” In S7, he’s struggling to even care about his own life or hunting. However, he does find meaning in hunting after purgatory, and later settles down in the bunker as well. He’s empty in SE13 after Cas’ death but is almost ‘revived’ when Cas is back.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

This one is straightforward. But interestingly, this is not early seasons Dean, this is not pre-hell Dean. Later-seasons Dean has an intense anger that everyone around him is aware of. He admits this himself in 15.09 when he's apologising to Cas in purgatory, and that he can’t control this anger

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Maybe someone has noticed moments, but I wouldn’t say this applies very well to Dean.

Out of the 9 symptoms, I would say Dean could score high on 5 of them (which excludes extreme mood swings, chronic emptiness and dissociation).

Does this mean Dean Winchester has BPD?

It’s difficult to try to see what symptoms apply to Dean without taking his environment into account - because his circumstances and lifestyle is extreme. He goes through constant traumatic events over the course of the show. However, I do find that even by taking this into account, other hunters (like Sam) or other characters (like Cas) who are living in the world Dean is living in with similar experiences, do find his anger explosive and his “all or nothing” and fear of abandonment extreme. Sam says so in 9.13, “You can't stand the thought of being alone.” And yet, I still find it important to point out that some of the symptoms Dean displays (‘suicidal behavior’, 'unstable self-image', ‘reckless behavior’) are often caused by external traumatic forces.

I found this in my notes from last semester: "borderline personality disorder can be due to poor attachment relationships in childhood (Kerneberg, 1975)". I’ve touched upon what I think Dean’s attachment style is here, but coming back to it, it does also make sense that the behavior typical to Dean’s attachment style will correlate with the symptoms of BPD.

Although there are signs that point to Dean having BPD, he also shows growth and change in the symptoms over the seasons. He starts to understand that Mary is her own person, and that taking space from him does not equal abandoning him. He starts to understand that Sam can make a choice to join the BMoL, and not betray him. His relationship with Bobby and Charlie is not marked by intensity, and he has stable and secure attachments to both of them. And when Dean becomes excessive in drinking or hunting, it is often due to traumatic events. He is not reckless with his body on a casual day, and nor does he feel constantly empty. I would argue that in 14.13 when he says “I’m good with who I am”, he is actually displaying stability in his self-image.

The next thing I want to mention that I find is super important: Mental illnesses are more dimensional than categorical, which is to say that there is a spectrum. According to the evidence and arguments so far, I find Dean to be on the spectrum closer to BPD - that’s a hard yes.

So, my conclusion is:

Dean Winchester portrays several symptoms of BPD. Whether this is due to a correlation of having an insecure attachment style or not. Although, he also shows growth in mentality and behavior on some of the symptoms. Nonetheless, he seems to be on the spectrum closer to BPD.

[amuelia]

How do you think Roose will meet his demise? Or will he survive? What's your best Roose end game predictions?

Thank you for the question! This will be a long post under the readmore, going into my thoughts on the show ending and exploring what the books may have set up in regards to themes and characterization, as well as a bit of general analysis of Roose' story arc in a Dance with Dragons (and some speculation about Ramsay as well).

If you click on the readmore i will have divided the post into sections with bolded Headers, if you want to only read my specific endgame ideas you can skip ahead to the "His Endgame?" section.

In The Show

The show had him get killed by Ramsay in s6, which informs a lot of the fandom speculation about this storyline.

I am not a fan of the show's scenario as it was both similar to tywin and tyrion as well as a mirror of robb's death; it would also be offscreen in the books since neither of the characters are PoVs and Ramsay would need to do the act in secret. This would ultimately undercut Roose' role and impact, being a death scene that is not very unique and also isn't shown to the reader directly. Since no PoV is even in Winterfell currently, we would just hear of it from afar and not witness the consequences.

The show also has a different dynamic in the Bolton storyline, emphasizing Ramsay as the "main character" of this arc, and elevating him to the main villain for s5-6 to fill Joffrey's shoes as an evil character played by a very charismatic actor. Ramsay's show writing is informed by the needs of a TV setting that wants shocking moments and capitalizes on "fan favourite" actors; his rising importance in the show thus is not necessarily an indicator of his book importance. The show was also missing many central characters like the northern lords and the Frey men in Winterfell.

The show had a tendency to kill off characters early when they wanted to cull storylines or had no plans to adapt more of the character's story (like Stannis, Barristan, possibly the Tyrells...); In Mance Rayder we have the most obvious example, where they killed him off for real in a scene that in the book was a misdirection. We also have characters like Jorah where it appears the showrunners had their own choice of how they want his storyline to end, even if Grrm has his own ending in mind.

"For a long time we wanted Ser Jorah to be there at The Wall in the end," writer Dave Hill says. "The three coming out of the tunnel would be Jon and Jorah and Tormund. But [...] Jorah should have the noble death he craves defending the woman he loves." - Dave Hill for Entertainment Weekly

So a death in the show does not need to be an indicator that the books will feature an equivalent scene, even if it gives a hint as to what may happen. By s5 the show has become its own beast, and the butterfly effects from radical changes they made as well as the different characterizations results in the show having to cater to its own needs in many cases when it gets to resolving a plotline.

"We reconceived the role to make it worthy of the actor's talents." - Benioff and Weiss for the s5 DVD commentary, on Indira Varma's casting as Ellaria

In The Books

(Since this post was getting out of hand in length a lot of these arguments are a little shortened/not as in-depth as i'd like! Feel free to inquire more via ask if something is unclear or you disagree)

In the books i find it hard to make a concrete guess as to how it will end. Occam's razor would be to assume the show sort of got it right and that it will vaguely end the same, which could very well happen and i will not discount the possibility; Ramsay is cruel, desires the Dreadfort rule, and is a suspected kinslayer and has no qualms to commit immoral violence.

"Ramsay killed [his brother]. A sickness of the bowels, Maester Uthor says, but I say poison." - Reek III, aDwD

Reek saw the way Ramsay's mouth twisted, the spittle glistening between his lips. He feared he might leap the table with his dagger in his hand [to attack his father]. - Reek III, aDwD

Arguments against this or for a different endgame come down to interpretations of the themes in the story arc and opinions on dramatic structure/grrm's writing, and are thus very subjective.

The way the story currently is going, Ramsay killing Roose treats Roose almost as a plot device; his death brings no change or development to Ramsay's character as we already know his motivations and cruelty align with such an act, and we can assume that he would feel no remorse about it either. The results of such a scene would be firmly on a story level, as it brings political changes and moves the plot along into a specific direction. Roose himself cannot have any relevant character development about it as he does not have a PoV and we would not be able to witness his reaction from the outside.

“The only thing worth writing about is the human heart in conflict with itself.” - William Faulkner, often quoted by Grrm

Further, killing his father is very difficult to pull off in secret (Roose is frequently described as very cautious, and employs many guardsmen). And even if Ramsay pulls it off (people often interpret Ramsay as Roose' blind spot, assuming he might be caught by surprise, not expecting Ramsay would bite the hand that feeds him), Roose is the one that holds his entire alliance together; The Freys would be alienated by Ramsay who would antagonize Walda and her son as his rivals, The Ryswell bloc appears to dislike Ramsay (especially Barbrey), and the other northmen are implied to not even like Roose himself. Killing Roose would quickly combust the entire northern faction, and hinder Ramsay's further plans (another reason why I am not convinced of a book version of the "Battle of Bastards"). Though this might of course, if we look at it from the other side, be grrm's plan to quickly dissolve this plot and move the northern story forwards.

"Ramsay will kill [Walda's children], of course. [...] [She] will grieve to see them die, though." - Reek III, aDwD

"How many of our grudging friends do you imagine we'd retain if the truth were known? Only Lady Barbrey, whom you would turn into a pair of boots … inferior boots." - Reek III, aDwD

"Fear is what keeps a man alive in this world of treachery and deceit. Even here in Barrowton the crows are circling, waiting to feast upon our flesh. The Cerwyns and the Tallharts are not to be relied on, my fat friend Lord Wyman plots betrayal, and Whoresbane … the Umbers may seem simple, but they are not without a certain low cunning. Ramsay should fear them all, as I do." - Reek III, aDwD

Roose' death at Ramsay's hand also removes him thematically from the Red Wedding, as we can assume such a death might have happened regardless of his participation in the event (seeing as Ramsay is getting provoked by Roose constantly in normal dialogue, and has a general violent disposition). Roose already took Ramsay in before aGoT started, and married Walda very early in the war, which is already most of the buildup that the show's scenario had. It also has little to do with the The North Remembers plot except set dressing, since the northmen are presumably neither collaborating with/egging on Ramsay nor would they appreciate the development.

Themes: Ned Stark and the rule over the North

Roose is treated as a foil to Eddard; They are often contrasted in morals and ruling styles, while also having many superficial similarities that further connect them (they are seen as cold by people, grey eyed, patriarchs of rivalling northern houses, etc...).

Pale as morning mist, his eyes concealed more than they told. Jaime misliked those eyes. They reminded him of the day at King's Landing when Ned Stark had found him seated on the Iron Throne. - Jaime IV, aSoS

They both have a "bastard son" that they handle very differently; Roose treating Ramsay in the way that is seen as common in their society. Ramsay and Jon as a comparison are meant to show that Catelyn had a reason to see a bastard as a threat (since Domeric was antagonized by his bastard brother), but also shows that her suggested plan for Jon would not have stopped any danger either (as Ramsay being raised away from the castle didn't help).

And if his seed quickened, she expected he would see to the child's needs. He did more than that. The Starks were not like other men. Ned brought his bastard home with him, and called him "son" for all the north to see. - Catelyn II, aGoT

"Each year I sent the woman some piglets and chickens and a bag of stars, on the understanding that she was never to tell the boy who had fathered him. A peaceful land, a quiet people, that has always been my rule." - Reek III, aDwD

It appears to me that Roose' story functions in some ways as an inversion to Ned. He makes an attempt to grab a power he was not destined to (becoming warden of the north), where Ned did not want the responsiblity thrust upon him ("It was all meant for Brandon. [...] I never asked for this cup to pass to me." - Cat II, aGoT). Where Ned rules successfully and his northmen honor his legacy ("What do you think passes through their heads when they hear the new bride weeping? Valiant Ned's precious little girl." - The Turncloak, aDwD), the Boltons are largely hated and there are several plots conspiring against them ("Let me bathe in Bolton blood before I die." - The King's Prize, aDwD).

It seems possible to me that in terms of their family and legacy, Roose might also live through an inverted version of Ned's story; where Ned died first, leaving his family behind, Roose already lived to see the death of his wives and trueborn heir, and might thus also live to see Ramsay's death. Ned leaves behind well raised children and a North who still respects his name, and even though he dies it will presumably all be "in good hands" in the end (in broad strokes, obviously this is all much more morally complex). Roose however built up a bad and toxic legacy, and also built his way of life around evading consequences; it makes sense to me that he would be forced by the story to finally endure all the consequences of his actions and witness the fall of his house firsthand. After all we already have Tywin who fulfils the purpose of dying before his children while his legacy falls to ruins, and a Feast for Crows explores this aspect thoroughly.

Roose' arc in A Dance With Dragons

The story repeatedly builds up the situation unravelling around Roose, and him slowly losing a grip on it and becoming more stressed and anxious.

Reek wondered if Roose Bolton ever cried. If so, do the tears feel cold upon his cheeks? - Reek II, aDwD

Roose Bolton said nothing at all. But Theon Greyjoy saw a look in his pale eyes that he had never seen before—an uneasiness, even a hint of fear. [...] That night the new stable collapsed beneath the weight of the snow that had buried it. - a Ghost in Winterfell, aDwD

Lady Walda gave a shriek and clutched at her lord husband's arm. "Stop," Roose Bolton shouted. "Stop this madness." His own men rushed forward as the Manderlys vaulted over the benches to get at the Freys. - Theon I, aDwD

It also directly presents him as a parallel to Theon's rule in aCoK, who similarly experienced a very unpopular rule and his subjects slowly turning against him. Presumably, the point of this comparison will not just be "Ramsay comes in at the end and unexpectedly whacks them on the head". Both Theon and Roose invited Ramsay into their lives, giving him more power than he deserves, and causing Ramsay to make choices that increasingly alienate others from them (the death of the miller's boys for example has repercussions for both Theon and Roose). Grrm is likely steering this towards a difference in how they will deal with this situation.

It all seemed so familiar, like a mummer show that he had seen before. Only the mummers had changed. Roose Bolton was playing the part that Theon had played the last time round, and the dead men were playing the parts of Aggar, Gynir Rednose, and Gelmarr the Grim. Reek was there too, he remembered, but he was a different Reek, a Reek with bloody hands and lies dripping from his lips, sweet as honey. - a Ghost in Winterfell, aDwD

"Stark's little wolflings are dead," said Ramsay, sloshing some more ale into his cup, "and they'll stay dead. Let them show their ugly faces, and my girls will rip those wolves of theirs to pieces. The sooner they turn up, the sooner I kill them again." - The elder Bolton sighed. "Again? Surely you misspeak. You never slew Lord Eddard's sons, those two sweet boys we loved so well. That was Theon Turncloak's work, remember? How many of our grudging friends do you imagine we'd retain if the truth were known?" - Reek III, aDwD

Roose' arc is deeply connected to the relations he shares to the other northern lords, which has been heavily impacted by the Red Wedding. It stands to reason that they are going to be an important part of his downfall, and we see many hints of them plotting to betray him.

The north remembers, Lord Davos. The north remembers, and the mummer's farce is almost done. My son is home." - Davos IV, aDwD

Themes: Stannis and kinslaying

The books set up Roose and Stannis as foils as well; Both lack charisma and have trouble winnning the people's support, Stannis and Roose both parallel and contrast Ned, Stannis appears as a "lesser Robert" where Roose is a "lesser Ned", Stannis represents the fire where Roose represents the ice, both struggle over dominion in a land that doesnt particularly want either of them, etc... What i find interesting is how they are contrasted over kinslaying:

"Only Renly could vex me so with a piece of fruit. He brought his doom on himself with his treason, but I did love him, Davos. I know that now. I swear, I will go to my grave thinking of my brother's peach." - Davos II, aCoK

"I should've had the mother whipped and thrown her child down a well … but the babe did have my eyes." [...] "Now [Domeric's] bones lie beneath the Dreadfort with the bones of his brothers, who died still in the cradle, and I am left with Ramsay. Tell me, my lord … if the kinslayer is accursed, what is a father to do when one son slays another?" - Reek III, aCoK

Stannis is set up as someone who is very thorough and strict in following his own code and his "duty", even if he does not like what it forces him to do.

Stannis ground his teeth again. "I never asked for this crown. Gold is cold and heavy on the head, but so long as I am the king, I have a duty . . . If I must sacrifice one child to the flames to save a million from the dark . . . Sacrifice . . . is never easy, Davos. Or it is no true sacrifice. Tell him, my lady." - Davos IV, aSoS

The armorer considered that a moment. "Robert was the true steel. Stannis is pure iron, black and hard and strong, yes, but brittle, the way iron gets. He'll break before he bends." - Jon I, aCoK

Roose however is frequently characterized as someone who tries to get as much as he can while avoiding negative consequences, and who does not have a consistent moral code and instead bends rules to his benefit to be the most comfortable to him.

It is often theorized that Stannis will end up burning his daughter Shireen; the Ramsay issue might then serve to contrast the two men. If Grrm intends it to be compared by the reader, I can see it going two ways: Either Roose will be forced to finally act in a drastic way after avoiding his responsibility in regards to Ramsay and he will be forced to get rid of his son, making him break the only moral hurdle he has presented adhering to during the story (though analyzing his character, the kinslaying taboo is probably less a sign of moral fortitude and more him using the guise of morals to explain a selfish motivation). Or he might not act against Ramsay and suffer the consequences, presenting an interesting moral situation where some readers might consider his action "better" or more relatable than Stannis', breaking up the otherwise very black and white moral comparison between the two men. It serves as an interesting conflict of the morality of kinslaying compared to what readers might see as a moral obligation of getting rid of a monster such as Ramsay; contrasting Shireen whose death would not be seen as worth it by most. Ramsay as a bastard (who was almost killed at birth if he hadnt been able to prove his paternity) also makes for an interesting verbal parallel with the bastard Edric Storm, and might be used for a look at the utilitarian principle of killing a child (baby ramsay/edric) to save countless people from suffering that underpinned Edric's story.

"As Faulkner says, all of us have the capacity in us for great good and for great evil, for love but also for hate. I wanted to write those kinds of complex character in a fantasy, and not just have all the good people get together to fight the bad guy." - Grrm

"Robert, I ask you, what did we rise against Aerys Targaryen for, if not to put an end to the murder of children?" - Eddard VIII, aGoT

"If Joffrey should die . . . what is the life of one bastard boy against a kingdom?" - "Everything," said Davos, softly. - Davos V, aSoS

However Grrm decides to present these conflicts or which actions the characters will take in the end, it will result in interesting discussion and analysis for the readers.

His Endgame?

Looking at the trends of the past books, it is probably going to be hard to predict any specific outcome; every book introduces new characters and plot elements that were impossible to predict from the last book even if their thematic importance or setup was aptly foreshadowed.

Roose has a lot of plot importance and characterization that has, in my opinion, not yet been properly resolved in a way that would be unique and poignant to the specific purpose his character appears to fulfil. However I also have a bias in that i did not like the show's writing of that scene which makes me averse to see a version of it in the books, and i really like Roose as a character and want to see him have more scenes in the next book(s). This leads me to discount plot speculation that cuts his character arc short offscreen early. Roose is only a side character; however, i have trust in grrm's writing abilities and that he would give him a proper sendoff that feels satisfying to a fan of the character.

"…even the [characters] who are complete bastards, nasty, twisted, deeply flawed human beings with serious psychological problems… When I get inside their skin and look out through their eyes, I have to feel a certain — if not sympathy, certainly empathy for them. I have to try to perceive the world as they do, and that creates a certain amount of affection." — George Martin

Considering my earlier analyis, there is a case to be made for Roose killing Ramsay; however it appears grrm might have a different endgame in mind for Ramsay, foreshadowed in Chett's prologue:

There'd be no lord's life for the leechman's son, no keep to call his own, no wives nor crowns. Only a wildling's sword in his belly, and then an unmarked grave. The snow's taken it all from me . . . the bloody snow . . . - Chett, aSoS

I tend to think something might happen to Roose/the Bolton bloc later in the book that would cause Ramsay to attempt to flee the scene again like he did back in aCoK fleeing Rodrik's justice; perhaps Ramsay is sent out to battle but then flees it like a coward, or he sees his cause as lost. This time, the fleeing and potentially disguised Ramsay would not make it out to safety though, and get killed without being recognized as Ramsay, dying forgotten. This would serve as dramatic irony since Ramsay so strongly desired to be recognized and respected as a Lord of Bolton, without being too on the nose.

As for Roose, i could see him getting captured and somehow brought to justice (either when someone takes Winterfell or in some sort of battle). I see it unlikely that he will be backstabbed like Robb was, because it seems very "eye for an eye" and ultimately doesn't teach much of a lesson except "he had it coming"; But the various people conspiring against him could lead to his capture by betraying him (giving a payoff to the northern conspiracies and the red wedding). I would find a scene of him standing trial interesting since i believe we didn't have one of these for a true non-pov villain yet, and it would be an interesting confrontation that he cannot escape from (he also loves to talk so it would be a good read to see him make a case for himself).

I assume Roose will be out of the picture when the Other plot finally properly kicks into gear (whether dead or "in prison"). With Stannis as a false Azor Ahai and Roose as a false Other (with his pale, cold features), their struggle in the north seems to be a representation of the false "Game of Thrones" that distracts people from the "real threat" of the Others.

As always this is just my opinion, and it could all go very differently in the books! There could always be something that completely uproots my analysis and goes into a direction i did not expect from the material we had; But i have fate that Grrm as a writer will deliver and give me something i can be satisfied with.

[animereaderinsertwriter]

Cupbearer (Eren/Reader)

Part III

Part I

Part II

Part IV (in progress)

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (im watching you, if you see this, begone!), vampire!eren, hunter!reader, fem!reader, smut, some amount of predator/prey dynamics but only kinda?? there is also a significant age difference but only cos eren is immortal and all that jazz. we're all adults here. there will eventually be smut.... and do i really need to say that there's gonna be blood in a vampire fic?

Description: A story of falling in love in 4 parts.

Eren is a bad man (well, a bad Creature) who has done bad things. When he meets the great-great-great granddaughter of one of his former friends in his favorite blood bar, however, he thinks it might not matter so much what happened in the past, so long as he can make the future something worth living to see.

Ao3 link here

After that night, it became increasingly hard for (Y/N) to leave, and for Eren to let her do so.

Something between them had changed. There were moments— when Eren would press feather-light kisses against her forehead, when he would casually leave a cup of her favorite tea where she would find it— where (Y/N) felt as though her heart might burst. It was all the little things that baffled her, all the ways in which he seemed to understand exactly how she felt; it was as though he knew her more than she knew herself. On the mornings that she would wake in his bed, sleepy and sticky and wholly content, (Y/N) wondered what it would be like to have this life forever.

Other days— on days like today— she was reminded exactly why that could never be, and it broke her heart.

Today, they had planned a romantic dinner in the park, an evening under the stars. It was supposed to be something special, a little getaway just for the two of them; they had wanted to leave as soon as (Y/N) was relieved from her patrol, so Eren had moved her things to his place, hoping that they could leave together from there for their evening alone.

In and of itself, that was fine… but when (Y/N) came in, covered head-to-toe in viscous Creature blood, Eren was furious.

“And you call me a monster,” he growled, looking her up and down with hate in his eyes. “I can’t believe you.”

He stood from his seat on the sofa, and (Y/N) began to back away, still wary from the fight she had narrowly escaped from unscathed. Her every instinct told her that she should run, fire a round of silver bullets into his chest, but she steeled herself, doing neither.

“It’s not my fault— they were attacking a civilian,” she told him as he stalked towards her, his face twisted into a horrific scowl. “I tried to stop them— tried to find out what was going on— but then they came at me with their claws, and I was left with no choice.”

“There is always a choice,” he snarled, and it was then that anger filled (Y/N) from the soles of her feet to the crown of her head. "They were probably terrified of you— how could you possibly blame them for lashing out?"

(Y/N) grit her teeth.

“This, from the man who thought genocide was his only option to the same problem?”

Eren made a low, warning sound in the back of his throat, but (Y/N) pressed on.

“You would rather me have died?” she demanded, stepping into his space. “Would it have pleased you more for my body to bleed out on the pavement, ripped to shreds by an aggressive werewolf? Would you even care, or would you just find the next blood bag and move on with your life?”

“Maybe so,” he shot back, “Then I wouldn’t have to deal with your insufferable mouth.”

That stung— but if there was one thing (Y/N) knew how to do, it was to strike back twice as hard as she had been struck.

“Fine then,” she said, turning on her heel. “I won’t bother you any longer. I’ll go out and find someone who actually wants my company, someone who’ll fuck me good and proper over the counter at some hole-in-the-wall bar over on Easy Street, someone younger, with a nicer cock and less fucking baggage— ”

She didn’t get to finish the sentence, or even walk a single step further— Eren grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to him, his fist painfully tight against her scalp.

“Wanna say that again, to my face?” he asked, tilting her head back.

“I’ll go find someone else to fuck me,” she spat, struggling in vain against him. “I’ll spread my legs for the next available schmuck in the closest bar I can find, so you can hear me scream his name and not yours.”

It was a low blow, to threaten a vampire’s claim on something they had previously assumed had belonged to them, but (Y/N) didn’t care. She had almost died today, and she’d be damned if she was going to take shit from anyone about what she had to do to survive. If Eren wanted a fight, she would damn sure give him one.

“Like hell you will,” he told her, pulling her head back so that she had to strain to remain standing. “You’re mine. Flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood— you are my Companion.”

"I belong to no one!"

Those words ripped from her throat and echoed throughout the empty house, and it was then that Eren stopped, looking at her with calculation in his gaze.

"You're right," he said, releasing her hair. "No mortal can serve two masters, lest they love one and despise the other; an archaic religious concept, but an accurate one nonetheless. You've made it abundantly clear where your loyalty lies. I was a fool for thinking otherwise."

(Y/N) began to tremble. "Eren, what are you saying?"

"I release you from our pact," he replied coldly, his eyes so dull and lifeless that it sent a chill down her spine. "No longer are you bound to be my wine-press— I free you from me."

"Eren—"

"Go," he commanded, and (Y/N) felt terribly, horribly empty.

Once, he would have told her to come freely, go safely, and leave something of the happiness she brought him; now, he gave her a cold dismissal, and it frightened her more than she was willing to admit. Still, she went, feeling hollow and used, and she didn't bother to shut the door behind her as she turned to walk home, weary from the day and sick from fighting.

***

Armin had lived for a very long time, but even so, he had yet to meet anyone so foul of temper as Eren when the Hunger was on him.

"Eren, you have to feed."

The vampire, as ill in health as in temper, glared weakly at him. "I'm not hungry."

"But you are Hungry, and don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. Look, if this is about that girl—"

"I told you not to speak of her!"

Ah, so it was about her. By the looks of him, it had been two weeks since Eren had fed; Armin would bet that he hadn't seen her in the same amount of time.

"If I need to, I'll drag her here to make up with you myself," said Armin testily, "I refuse to watch my best friend starve himself because he refuses to feed on anyone else."

"You will not touch her."

Armin rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything further. He just patted Eren's arm in farewell and set about finding the little lady who was the root cause of his current consternation.

It took longer than Armin had anticipated to find the young woman who had, for all intents and purposes, completely unraveled Eren's composure; her scent, while thick and memorable in Eren's apartment, was hard to track otherwise. Armin spent two hours just wandering the city while trying to catch a breath of it here or there, and when he finally did manage to catch a whiff of her scent and follow it to her, he understood exactly why it had been so hard to track her down.

The girl was a Hunter, of all things.

When Armin found her, she was knee-deep in sewage, her knife embedded to the hilt in the skull of what appeared to be some species of winged reptile. Armin, having been a tad desperate and not actually having been expecting to find anything when he lifted the lid to the man-hole on 32nd and Main, was surprised to say the least— and when (Y/N) ripped her knife free and readjusted her stance into a defensive one directed at him, his surprise turned to intrigue.

“Er, hello there,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t suppose you��ll take my word for it that I just want to chat, will you?”

Curiously, the words gave the woman pause. She relaxed her stance ever-so-slightly, and then her eyes lit up with recognition.

“Armin Arlert?” she queried, craning her neck up to see him. “Is that you?”

This one grows curiouser and curiouser, he thought, but responded affirmatively.

“Can you give me a bit, then?” she asked, kicking the corpse of the Creature she’d just killed. “I’m not exactly fit for company. Perhaps we could meet later for a discussion over tea?”

“I’m afraid it’s urgent,” he said as she knelt to decapitate her prey— likely for proof of victory. “I think you know why I’m here, so you understand that time is of the essence.”

She didn’t look up at him as she replied.

“If this is about Eren, then I don’t have time to talk.”

Her tone was hard, bitter, and matter-of-fact, and it reminded Armin so much of Jean that it hurt… but just like Jean, Armin would bet that she could be won over by appealing to her inherent sense of human decency

“He’s suffering (Y/N),” he said, awkwardly crouching above the manhole so that she could better see the truth written in his eyes. “He won’t feed.”

“That’s hardly my problem.”

And oh, how well Armin knew that state of mind. If there was one thing Eren Jaeger knew how to do, it was push away the people who loved him most. Armin had dealt with that particularly lovely quirk of his for centuries, and it never got easier to deal with no matter how much time passed. If anything, it got more difficult the older they both got.

“When you’re the solution to a problem, you become a part of it whether you like it or not,” Armin replied, patient and understanding. “He cares for you.”

(Y/N) looked up at him then, fury in her eyes.

“He hurt me.”

Armin shrugged. “He hurts everyone he cares about. It’s just who he is. Nothing comes for free— least of all the love and loyalty of someone as old and as powerful as Eren.”

“Your heart may be toughened to his meanness,” she told him, the head of the creature she’d slain in her hands, “But mine is not, and I don’t like him well enough to willfully remain for him to use as an emotional punching bag.”

At that, Armin couldn’t help but let loose a wry grin.

“No,” he said, “I should think not; but I do think you love him well enough to make sure he doesn’t starve himself to death because he can’t have you.”

(Y/N) was silent for a long moment, then she crossed her arms.

“I won’t come crawling to him. He’s going to have to come to me.”

Armin grimaced. He wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

“Is that at all negotiable?”

(Y/N) shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

Well, there was nothing for it.

“And you will let him feed if he comes to you?”

(Y/N) thought, then nodded. “If he proves himself deserving.”

Armin couldn't help himself; he laughed. Eren might have met his match in this one.

"Very well. I'll work my magic, and you work yours."

She nodded and bade him farewell, but before Armin left, he paused.

"Hey, (Y/N)?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

With that, he left her, ready to take Eren by the ear and throw him at her if he had to.

***

(Y/N)'s heart was racing as she opened the door, knowing good and well who would be behind it.

After her little talk with Armin— and the near heart attack he had given her in the process— she had called in to Zeke and told him she needed to go home to deal with an emergency. A replacement for her patrols had been sent, and she had come home to wash the grim from her skin, making herself as presentable as possible with the time she had. (Y/N) was worried, so worried, that the filth she had been wading in earlier would have left a lingering stench, or even that it had affected the taste of her; she had scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin was raw, hoping to erase every last remnant of her day from her skin…but as it turned out, she needn't have bothered.

Two, three, four hours later, and Eren hadn't shown— it was only now, right at the six hour mark, that he had decided to come to her.

Needless to say, (Y/N) was… less than pleased, but when she opened the door to find Eren pale and drawn, with dark circles beneath his eyes, her heart softened ever-so-slightly. It seemed that Armin was right; he had been suffering.

"You look like shit," she told him quietly, opening her door widely to let him in.

"I assure you, I feel worse," Eren grumbled, but stepped in as she closed the door behind him.

For a long, awkward moment, they just looked at each other, silent and unsure. It was unsettling how unlike himself Eren seemed; he was almost soft when he looked at her, and (Y/N) didn't know how to feel about it. Eventually, though, like two opposite ends of a magnet, they were drawn together, and Eren brushed a piece of hair back from her face.

"Hi," he said, his voice low and rough. (Y/N) caught his hand in hers before it could fall from her hair, and she pressed it against her chest, keeping it trapped there, touching the skin above her beating heart.

"Hey."

They watched each other a moment more before the dam broke between them, and they both spoke at once.

"I'm sorry."

A shared grin, a shy laugh— and then (Y/N) said what they both were thinking.

"You need to feed first, and talk later," she told him, her hand still clasped in his. "You're not off the hook, but I doubt we can have any real conversation with you like this."

Eren nodded gratefully, tugging at her wrist— his usual biting spot— but (Y/N) shook her head, indicating her neck. The thickest, richest blood, she knew, would come from there; and if there was ever a time to be generous with the placement of Eren's bite, she figured that it would be now.

The worst of it was over quickly. There was a brief sting at the intrusion of razor-sharp fangs, and then the vaguely uncomfortable feeling of having something poking down into places that decidedly should not be poked at all, but then (Y/N) quickly eased into the rhythm of the act, focusing wholly on the way Eren's lips felt against her skin. In a few moments, she would become pleasantly light-headed, and then Eren would pull away and look at her like she'd hung the stars. Oh, how she'd missed that look! (Y/N) found herself longing for it even before she quite realized it.

And then, without warning, a vision came, and (Y/N) was swept into another world entirely.

The evening sky rolled endlessly out towards the horizon; it seemed to go on forever, sparkling with more stars than (Y/N) had ever seen before. The full moon was so bright that it cast the whole world in what seemed like silver sunlight, and (Y/N) wondered how anyone could sleep on a night such as this. It was far too beautiful an experience to miss.

Alongside her— alongside Eren, through whose eyes she saw the world— strode Armin and two older-looking cadets who she recognized from previous memories as Reiner and Berthold. Eren was feeling anxious over something, and Reiner and Berthold were… well, they were kind. Reiner especially seemed to be like an older brother, and Eren admired him.

"You'll do just fine tomorrow," said Reiner, placing a large, warm hand on Eren's shoulder. "I'm certain of it."

The memory ended, and (Y/N) came back to herself as Eren's tongue laved over the wounds his fangs had left in her neck, sealing them.

"See anything?" he asked, his breath warm against her skin, and (Y/N) nodded.

"You loved them, too," she said softly, remembering the fondness Eren had felt as though it had been her own. "You loved the Hunters that tried to take everything from you, and— and I think they loved you, too."

Eren pulled away from her, and it was then that she saw the tears shining in his eyes.

"Yes," he replied, his voice broken. "We were children. How could we not love each other as God intended? Hate was never in our nature; it was an inheritance that we couldn't escape."

He paused for a moment, then spoke again.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he told her, cupping her cheek in his hand. "I lost my temper. I forget— I forget that you're not them."

And (Y/N) understood. She understood that no matter how many centuries passed, there would be wounds that just wouldn't heal for Eren. He would lash out at things that wouldn't make sense to anyone who hadn't experienced the horrors of war as he had. Suddenly, she felt petty for having lashed out as she had, and guilt threatened to rise up and choke her.

"You're forgiven," she replied, leaning into his touch. "It takes two to tango— I shouldn't have baited you like I did. I knew how badly that would hurt you, and that's exactly why I said it."

At that, Eren cracked a grin.

"I expect nothing less from a Kirschtein. Your grandfather would have punched me square in the jaw— and as big as that bastard got when we were older, he probably would have put me on my ass."

(Y/N) couldn't help but laugh, and Eren joined her, their combined joy swelling until there was nothing else in the world but their happiness.

How they started kissing, neither one of them would be able to say afterwards, but in the grand scheme of things, it hardly mattered. Their love was too large to contain, too much to hold back— and it was love, (Y/N) realized, though she hadn't quite put words to it yet. She loved Eren Jaeger, a Creature, a monster, as much as her grandfather before her had and more. She loved him with a desperation that felt like being knocked over by an ocean wave and plunged into depths where her feet no longer touched the sand. She loved him more than she had ever loved anyone before.

And, as he placed her gently on her bed that was barely big enough for two, divesting himself of his shirt above her, (Y/N) thought that maybe she didn't mind it so much as long as he loved her in return.

"I missed you," said Eren, dropping kisses by her ear as he unhooked her bra. "I missed this."

"Me too," she gasped as his mouth wandered to her nipple, her hands fisting in his hair. "Oh, God, I missed you too."

The time for words was soon gone, however; Eren's sinful, sinful mouth traveled lower and lower until he was kissing at the insides of her thighs, parting them to access what lay between, and (Y/N) threw her head back as he spread her open with his hands and sucked brazenly at her clit.

How long he spent there, worshipping her sex, (Y/N) had no idea; all she knew was that she came once from his mouth on her and a second time from his fingers inside her, and when he finally, mercifully withdrew, she was broken down to the simplest parts of herself; there was nothing left but an affection so deep that it threatened to overtake her if she didn't let it out, and she did the only thing she knew to do to release the overwhelming pressure that was building in her chest as Eren pushed his big, veiny cock into her.

She told him what she should have said a long time ago.

"Oh, Eren," she gasped as his cockhead shoved deep inside her. "I love you."

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Eren went unnaturally still. He looked at her with pupils blown wide inside emerald eyes, and his fangs slightly distended; in any other situation, (Y/N) might have laughed at how surprised he seemed, but it seemed as though she were frozen in time, unable to do anything but stare earnestly up at them, hoping he understood how much she cared for him.

"You… what?"

"I love you," she repeated, her body moving without her permission to roll her hips up into him, moving his cock even further inside her. "Please, Eren, I need—"

He cut her off with a forceful, bruising kiss, and his hips started making slow, deep thrusts inside her, her legs hiked up over his shoulders.

"Again," he said against her lips."Say it again."

"I love you."

Another thrust or two, a hand circling her wounded throat.

"Again."

"I love you, Eren."

"Again."

This time, it was only a whisper.

"I love you," she said, and Eren began fucking her in earnest.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he told her as he thrust hard and deep inside her. "You're every man's dream, a nirvana the damned such as myself were never meant to reach. (Y/N), you are everything, and I—"

He seemed to choke on the words, and (Y/N) kissed him as he tried to regain his composure.

"I don't deserve you," he said, shaking with the force of their passion. "I don't deserve your love."

It's not about deserving, she wanted to say, It never was, but then she was coming again, her climax contracting her walls around her lover, and it was all she could do to remain conscious as Eren fucked her relentlessly through it all, chasing his own high.

It was only later, after a shower and something to eat that they finally spoke again. They were back in bed, and Eren's arm was wrapped around her, as though he were afraid to let her go for even a moment; truthfully, (Y/N) thought he was asleep, but then his breath tickled her ear as he said,

"I love you, angel."

And that, (Y/N) thought, had been worth it all, in the end.

[murachinchi]

🔥 - aaaa it was more because Tanjiro is my fav character and then gained kyo as my fav character after their first meeting. when i first saw them interact i just thought they r very cute together. then the sleeping together happen and i was just 👀 . i totally binge the rntn tag on ao3 that day

☀️ at home 🥲 ive known kny for much longer but decided to not watch it cause i havent been interested in anime for sometime.. but decided to finally watch when i got lots of free time and also because ig keep recommending kny reels 🙃🙃 im surprised i didnt get spoiled that kyo's gonna die so early in the series

⚔️ NO... at my first watch... because i was on denial lol like "haha no way he gonna die come on it's just a hand through ur chest is not that bad" even until the end of the season im still in denial cause no way he died cause he seems so importaaannttt. so yes i didnt cry on my first watch though i reaaaallllyyyyy like the song that plays on his last speech so sad yet inspiring. i only bawled on my second watch cause there i finally accepts his death

❄️ i've hated him even before he kills kyo lmao idk his face and smile just seems so annoying.. and im sorry fellas but i really dont like his theme song 🙃 its like hate on first sight (?) like even after i knew about his backstories it still didnt make me like him. it's like so what if u have a tragic backstory idc lol but then i realised that he's kinda forced to be turned into a demon yes? he just doesnt care anymore and got turned into a demon. so i just see them as different characters lol i like hakuji but i dont like akaza. yes there's an AU where i like him and it's something i made myself (??) jk i like an AU where they r separate person lol

💤 i dont like him im sorry 🙃🙃 i dont like the way he talks 🙃 i love that he's just a horrible demon without sad backstory. and i find it very funny thats he's a train perv in kimetsu gakuen lol

❤️ hmmmmmmm i like almost everything really.. as long as they care about each other UwU i do want to see a twisted version of reincarnation AU tho.. like since they dont have much time together on their previous life they get to be super protective of each other to the point of toxicity but it goes both ways lol like a yanderexyandere story. also omegaverse but with beta kyo and omega tan 🥺🥺🥺🥺

🥵 yes yes yes yes this has many story potential lol specially angst give me the slowburn pls

💭 i want them to interact more on the train awake 🥲🥲🥲

🍠 i love the rengoku family.. they have funny genes... i do wonder how would they turn out to be if Ruka is alive and well.. she seems like the quiet type and from what we've seen of childhood kyo he seems to be like that too.. i feel like he smiles alot cause he gotta put a front for sen and it becomes a habit to just smile on everything and also because of Ruka's words.. about the current one i do get where shin coming from.. and he keeps his feelings to himself and lash out on his children kinda sad really.. i want to believe that he never actually hit his children just verbally abuse and neglect them but finally breaks down after kyo's death. still doesnt justify what he had done to his children tho

🪨 i still find it funny that they have 6 children lmao like damn Kie no wonder ur husband so weak 😭😭😭 but i love that even with that many siblings the parents still try their best to raise them. and u can see that kie felt bad for making tan work so young. i do want to see more of their family specially when the dad is around. and also how Kie defend her children with her strong forehead lmaoo that caught me off guard

🗑️ his thigh man i dunno he's just a silly sad man who can't drink right. i remember when my friend told me that she didnt expect shinjuro looking like that since kyo refers him as "chichiue" which was very formal. so she was laughing so hard when shinjuro first appeared cause he look very scrunkly.

🎴hmmmm tbh he's almost kind with everyone he met so any ship would go well with him.. but i'd say InoTan. tho i do tend to read or look at tan being shipped with the upper moons lol in the context of rntn but kyo is dead lmao i like that

❤️‍🔥 no... :c i've seen lots of kyo ship while i do find it adorable but nah.. the closest would be renkaza but only if they were exes lol

💣 hmmm this one a bit weird.. i like omegaverse but i dont like genderbend.. so im not really keen with genderswap rntnrn fanarts. but this is not a rntn specific tho 🥲🥲

RenTan ask game!

Grit your teeth and join the fun.

Please reblog so everyone can see!

🔥- What first drew you to Rengoku Kyojuro/Tanjiro?

☀️ - How did you watch Mugen train for the first time? (In theaters, at home…)

⚔️ - More importantly, did you cry when Rengoku… yknow… died lol

❄️ - what are your feelings about Akaza? Was he an effective villain in the story? Do you like him in AUs?

💤 - what are your feelings about Enmu? Was he an effective villain in the story? Do you like him in AUs?

❤️ - what are your favorite kind of RenTan stories? (Canon, Rengoku lives, modern… etc)

🥵 - what are your thoughts about their rank difference? Did you want Tanjiro to study under Kyojuro?

💭 - In a world where the train ride lasted longer, what do Rengoku and Tanjiro dream of?

🍠 - what are your opinions on the Rengoku family, and how Kyojuro was raised?

🪨 - what are your opinions on the Kamado family, and how Tanjiro was raised?

🗑️ - just tell us everything you love about Shinjuro

🎴 - do you ship Tanjiro with anyone else? If yes, who? If no, why not?

❤️‍🔥 - do you ship Kyojuro with anyone else? If yes, who? If no, why not?

💣 - share your most controversial RenTan take. Set your thoughts ablaze!!

[nomenomens]

Nomen

Chapter IV - The Music of the Night

CW: none for now, but please, check About Nomen for more informations

WC: around 1500 words

Previous Chapter: Chapter III - The Reluctant Heroes

Next Chapter: Chapter V - First Love/Late Spring

Masterlist

************************************************************************************************************************************************

February 22, Tuesday, 23:45 (present time)

“Sebastian?”

“Yes, My Lady?”

“You still haven’t decided on a name that I can accept?”

“I promise you, I’m thinking about it, but the fact that we don’t have a file that describes us makes it really difficult. And it’s not like you let me use one of your names we already know.”

“You’re right. But I’ve choose to let you be a part of my life exactly ‘cause we don’t have a file together. You are the only person I’ve met that wasn’t fated to stay with me. No one predicted it and that’s why you’re my trump card.”

“I know, My Lady.”

“I hate those files. Always telling me confused fragments of my past and future, and even if some things change, all I can do is accept them. Follow them. You are my only act of rebellion, with you by my side I can at least control my death.”

“I know, My Lady.”

“You’re not very chatty today, are you Seb?”

“I’m waiting for you to give me orders.”

“Right. I’ve read all the Reiss files in six days. I think this is a new record. Today should arrive the second part of them, am I wrong?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay. Tell Eren that in a few days we’ll talk again. Have you moved him underground?”

“Of course I did, right after we’ve learnt about his Titan, but he could still escape.”

“Good. I know. Seb?”

“Yes?”

“Will you hold my hand while I try to sleep?”

“You don’t have to ask every night.”

“And will you sing for me?”

“You know I won’t.”

“But you hummed to me something last night.”

“Only because you forgot to charge your iPod and it turned off while you were about to fall asleep.”

“…so you won’t do it again? You know I can order you to.”

“Then do it. I live but to serve you.”

“You jerk.”

After referring to Eren of the imminent second meeting, I came back to her room. Poor stupid little girl, she really thought I hummed to her last night. I hummed for her every night since My Lord died, it seems it’s the only thing that stops her nightmares. The music I put on her iPod only covers my humming, and she has never noticed what I do to keep her alive at night. Unfortunately, when she has those nightmares she could stop breathing and more than one time I had to revive her. That’s why I always have some adrenaline with me. I won’t let her soul escape too. I’ve already lost My Lord’s soul, I won’t lose hers. I can’t be fooled again and also, that was part of the last order My Lord gave to me. To help her become the woman she wants to be and to be her loyal dog. What a lousy last order. If I only had successfully devoured his soul I would’ve been free to leave her to her fate. But that wasn’t the case. She doesn’t know we don’t have a proper contract, I’m still linked to her brother’s soul, but she was so helpless when she asked me to be her demon. I’ve tried to humiliate her but this foolish girl felt I was her only chance at surviving. I tried to escape, but the order My Lord gave to me made me come back to her every time. So i forged a fake contract with her, I even gave her a mark, a small black moon below her right wrist, that she can use to evoke me in case of danger. I won’t be able to claim and devour her soul if not after I collect My Lord’s one before, but she doesn’t need to know now, even if she begged me to kill her when the time comes. What a fool. 

“Seb?”

“I’m here. Now put on your earphones. What do you want to listen to tonight?”

“I leave you the choice. You know the word I need to hear better than me.”

“As you wish, My Lady.”

I grabbed her hand while sitting at the edge of her bed, always careful not to make a sound and wake her parents next door. My whole life with her was conducted in whispers and delicate movements. I held her hand and started to draw concentric spirals on the back of her hand with my fingers and listened to her heartbeat decrease. When she started breathing heavily I started to hum the song she fell asleep to, the one I had chosen. 

“Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world.

Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before.

Let your soul take you where you long to be!

Only then can you belong to me.”

As a demon, I didn’t need to sleep, sometimes I did it to recover the energy but it wasn’t essential. That night though, when I was humming while looking at her I felt the need to lay back, so I carefully moved her to make space for me on the bed and lied down next to her, never leaving her hand. I didn’t want her to wake and let her mind wonder if there was a reason for me to sleep next to her, beside a slight feeling of tiredness. I sensed she was falling for me but, as a demon, I can’t feel human emotions, I could care for her at best, but never love her. I was only drawn to her by the smell of her soul and the last order of My Lord: the subtle flirting was only a game to me, and I had already made sure she knew that. Even so, sometimes I worried that she could misunderstand my behaviour and so I tried to keep my personal amusement at bay. 

Once i felt comfortable, I closed my eyes, still humming, because I’ve mastered to do that even in my sleep. Suddenly she left my hand, but her heartbeat and breathing rhythm were still the same, so I was sure she was still sleeping. She rolled onto her stomach and nuzzled her head against my left arm, but before she could touch it I lift it and put it under my head, so her head positioned right beside my chest. In the meantime, her left arm positioned all over my waist as her left leg found its way between my legs. I was really uncomfortable in that position but when I looked at her face I suddenly realized how innocent she looked. She was a real pain, not so bright or even beautiful. Ordinary was the only word I could use to describe her. Except when she got angry last week. That image of her, so flustered and fierce had really left an impression in me, I even behaved strangely immediately after. I didn’t recognize her and I wanted to see more of that side of her, it was addicting and had left me speechless. She had the same look that made me decide to follow My Lord when he was just a lonely child, full of rage and hatred, which were the perfect mix in a such young soul to make me anticipate my meal. The memory of her brother mixed up with the memory of her rage, always suppressed to be the perfect little doll anyone needed her to be, and made me wonder if she was actually worthy. I needed to know but in order to know I would have to corrupt her, break her and let her feelings flow, but I had never obtained a good result, not like the one Eren got out of her in a few minutes. I should have been the only one to make her angry like that, the only one she shows her emotions to. That was the reason I pulled her away from him. I should be the only one to see her unravel. Her grasp on my shirt made me realize I stopped humming and that she was starting to dream, so I resumed my song. 

“Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor,

grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender.

Turn your face away from the garish light of day,

turn away your thoughts from cold, unfeeling light

And listen to the music of the night.”

Her eyebrows stopped crouching in the middle of her forehead, so, with my free right hand, I ghosted my fingers over her cheek before grabbing her hand still over my waist. She was going back to normal. I felt a tight in my chest, but I decided to ignore it and so I continued to sleep and humming for her until the first light of dawn, when I left her with the music still going on her earphones, after brushing a lock of her hair between my fingers and placing it behind her ear. 

************************************************************************************************************************************************

Author's note: I know, seems more like of a filler chapter, and in a way that's correct, but we also have learned something more about Roni's problems and her major links to music and also we hear Sebastian's side. The song I chose for this chapter belong to the musical "Phantom of the Opera", one I've always liked soooo much. Even if I don't find many resemblances between Phantom and Sebastian, I think they share some aspects, especially in the way the wishes to corrupt the soul of the female protagonist and make her turn into their darkness. Of course, Phantom is human and so things are different, but still it was kind of an inspiration for this side of Sebastian. Well, enough with the chatter. I'll link here the video taken from the movie's adaptation of the musical (even if I highly recommend to listen to the Karimloo's version, much more dramatic) and I hope you've enjoyed the chapter and will like the next one (yes, there will be a Mitski song). Thank you!

[mari-beau]

GIVE ME A REASON: PART SEVEN -A Rogue One fanfic

Final part to this story! 😘😘😘

Read on AO3

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Title: Give Me A Reason: Part Seven

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Characters: Jyn Erso POV, Cassian Andor

Pairing: Cassian/Jyn (mostly pre-ship?)

Spoilers: Rogue One; Episode IV A New Hope

Setting: Post-Rogue One AU (Cassian & Jyn live); Also during/post A New Hope

Warnings: None?

Words: 2,888

Story Summary: Jyn’s entire universe has been turned on its head, so maybe she’s clinging a little too hard to the one thing she feels certain of (strangely enough) as she tries to figure out her place in the galaxy. And maybe she’s being a little overprotective of a wounded captain.

Also can be found on AO3.

Nervous.

The hardened rebel spy was nervous. So was Jyn, of course, but it was still a surprise to find the tangible expression of Cassian’s jangled nerves. She thought he’d be better at hiding it. At hiding all of his emotions when he wanted.

But maybe he didn’t feel the need to hide it from her? Although it was a subconscious tick he probably wasn’t aware of… Which wasn’t helping the butterflies in Jyn’s own stomach. In fact, it was really starting to annoy her.

She reached for his hand, wrapping her fingers around his in an attempt to still their drumming against the side of his leg. He was still standing, but with no thanks to the Alliance. The inconsiderate bastards could’ve maybe provided a chair for the wounded captain. Not that Cassian would’ve accepted, anyway. At least everyone was just milling about until the ceremony started, so they were able to take a position against the wall, allowing Cassian to casually lean against the immense stonework for support.

He’d been looking around the large hall, watching the crowd of Alliance personnel and council members, observing and evaluating, as the spy habitually did. But when she touched him, his eyes snapped immediately to her hand on his. They widened and then that furrow formed between his brows and he frowned.

So that was how it was going to be?

In his bed, he could hold her so tight their bodies practically fused together, could nuzzle her neck, his lips could ghost over her skin in tantalizing, teasing non-kisses, he could lean into the touch of her palm on his cheek, make salacious pleased noises when she stroked his head and neck, or trailed fingers down his spine. But any sort of affectionate display in public wasn’t allowed.

Not that she wouldn’t have grabbed his hand to still his annoyingly drumming fingers if they were only just friends. They were only just friends, anyway.

He twisted his hand free, gently, casually, but removed it from her grasp nonetheless.

His dark eyes met hers and she held the gaze. Let him see the hurt, even as she thought it a stupid thing to feel hurt about. And yet… Meeting Cassian Andor had redefined her world, her existence, how she felt, how she dealt with those feelings. Her very place in the galaxy seemed to have changed.

Because here she was in a giant hall in a ruined temple, surrounded by hundreds of Alliance soldiers, waiting for a princess to tell her ‘good job’ or some such. But even stranger, she was standing beside a person she truly trusted. She couldn’t remember ever trusting anyone before, not wholeheartedly, with no reservations, no reluctance or doubt. Not since she was a child living in that cozy home with her parents that now seemed a dream.

This seemed rather dreamlike, too. Mon Mothma, the head of the Alliance’s council, dressed in regal white, looking like some ethereal being -maybe the ones Cassian had told her about in that intimate, vulnerable moment- had entered the hall and a hush formed as everyone scrambled into neat military rows, coming to attention as the elegant woman approached the dias.

She began to give a speech, but Jyn couldn’t focus on it. Cassian had started fidgeting again, shifting his weight and drumming his fingers against his leg. It seemed so entirely unlike him, and yet Jyn could sympathize. She had always tried to maintain an unreadable exterior, too, or rather, she had always tried not to feel things because everything she felt was too painful. She imagined it was similar with Cassian. And she imagined he was likewise nervous now, because being the center of attention felt wrong in every way, and just such a situation was imminent.

Jyn hated the idea of Cassian’s vulnerability being exposed to the world, that he would be required to limp the ridiculous distance up to the dias at the front of the room, in front of everyone, probably with her assistance, if he’d accept it. The man did not deserve anyone’s pity. They should only respect him for everything he’d done for the rebellion, for everything he’d sacrificed. And from what Jyn could tell, he didn’t even want that, it was so ingrained in him to work in the shadows.

She grabbed his hand again, but it was honestly more to calm herself than him. This time, though, his fingers encircled hers and did not pull away. His attention remained on Mon Mothma as she finished up her speech and introduced the princess.

Dank farrik.

Princess Leia was young and pretty, likewise clothed in regal white, but in a dress that hugged her perfect curves and accented the elegant line of her neck. Her brown hair and dark eyes offset her perfect porcelain skin. More enticing, the princess had the bearing of someone like Mon Mothma, but there was something more lively in her, adventurous and passionate maybe. Jyn would’ve felt justified in her previous unwarranted flash of jealousy when Cassian had described Leia Organa as if he knew the young woman, if Jyn didn’t find the princess extremely attractive herself. Force, if it didn’t feel like Cassian had been imprinted on her very soul, and if Jyn’s libido hadn’t already decided it wanted him and no one else would suffice… But a princess would’ve been way out of her league, anyway.

Cassian’s fingers squeezed her hand, and he leaned in, a whisper tickling her ear.

“You’re staring.”

“I’m just paying attention,” she whispered back.

A very quiet chuckle escaped him.

“Sure,” he said and she glared at him but continued to hold his hand, an anchor against the tide of nerves roiling in her stomach. “Why were you surprised that I might... kiss men sometimes? You like both men and women, too?”

“I rarely like anyone.” She stroked her thumb over the soft flesh at the base of his thumb. “But when I’m attracted to someone, it doesn’t seem to matter what their gender is.”

If they were pretty, they were pretty. She couldn’t really say why or what criteria made someone attractive to her. Although Leia had some gorgeous brown eyes. And so did Cassian for that matter, although his were a little darker, and as much playful as perceptive as they studied her face. And maybe she had become so soft that she’d gone to actual mush, because she could stare into those eyes forever.

Was that her thing? Is that what did it for her? Was she an ‘eyes’ girl?

Oh. Maybe she was. Because she found herself utterly captivated by Cassian’s beautiful eyes, finding everything she wanted and more in their dark depths... An if she didn’t know better... She could swear that he wanted-

“Captain Andor. Jyn Erso.”

Jyn nearly jumped out of her skin. Alarm likewise flashed across Cassian’s face before it was promptly hidden by a facade of professional pleasantness as he straightened. His hand slipped out of hers but landed at the small of her back to urge her forward out of the ranks.

And then Jyn found herself face to face with Leia Organa. And felt such gratitude that the princess had come to them and not made Cassian come to her, limping on an unsteady, barely begun to heal leg, that Jyn found herself smiling broadly, genuinely, at the kriffing gorgeous young woman.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for the rebellion. I know you’ve lost much.”

Jyn bowed her head, although being as small as she was, the even more petite princess still could’ve managed to drape the medal over her head with no problem.

“We all have lost too much,” Cassian said, after bowing to receive his own medal from the princess.

Leia Organa was good at maintaining her facade but Jyn saw the sadness in the young woman’s eyes. Jyn had cried while Cassian was in deep, medicated sleep, when she heard that Alderaan had been destroyed, feeling like she had failed after all. But what pain that loss was to its princess, Jyn couldn’t quite fathom. She had lost much, her parents, her childhood, but she had never loved an entire planet, full of people who she was a leader to. She had sort of led a unit of soldiers. And they all had died. And that was agony.

Except for Cassian. She still had Cassian. And if Jyn was honest, he was more than an entire world to her. He was a kriffing galaxy. She slid her arm around his waist because his hand on her back was not providing enough contact when Jyn felt like she might fall to pieces at any moment.

“I’m truly glad you both survived Scarif,” Princess Leia said, as if the loss of just two more lives would’ve crushed her, that the knowledge that some had survived, that some could and would survive this fight, was what kept her going. “Your bravery has saved us all.”

“Thank you,” Jyn said, unable to think of anything else to say.

The princess inclined her head, a bittersweet smile on her face, before she turned and began walking back to the dias. When Jyn returned her attention to Cassian, he was looking at her again with that expression in his eyes.

“We should probably get back in line,” she whispered, but was unable to break away from his captivating gaze.

“When have you ever been one to stay in line, Jyn Erso?” There was the small flash of his tongue wetting his bottom lip and Jyn nearly forgot how to breathe. No longer fixated by his eyes but his mouth. Was he-

His hand at the small of her back urged her closer, his other hand cupping her face and-

Oh.

Cassian Andor’s kiss was… Perfection. It was everything a first kiss, any kiss should be, excited and eager at the start, making it perhaps a little too rough when his mouth crashed against hers, but then suddenly softer, gentle, a tentative question, which she returned, sliding her lips against his, parting them in invitation, which he accepted, deepening the kiss. He tilted his head, angling his mouth against hers, sucking at her top lip then her bottom, submitting to her own explorative press and slide of her lips, the small nips she made with the edge of her teeth. His tongue darted over her lips, swiping into her mouth just the smallest fraction, just enough to tease and tantalize and make her release a groan of pure carnal want.

The room, the world, had faded away entirely but suddenly came crashing back hard. People were hooting and clapping, whistling and chuckling and shouting lewd, encouraging comments. Cassian broke the kiss, breathing heavily as he rested his forehead against hers for a moment.

He had just kissed her. In front of everyone. They might as well have been standing on that dias, in front of the princess, making out for the entire Alliance to see.

“You kissed me,” she said, still incredulous.

“Yes,” Cassian met her gaze with his dark brown eyes, which seemed to be honest-to-goodness twinkling, for Force’s sake. “And you kissed me back.”

“But, you kissed me. In public. In front of everyone.”

“Yes.” Cassian was a good liar, pretending that it wasn’t a big deal for him to so openly display an emotion such as affection. He shrugged. “It was a bit territorial of me. Sorry.”

Jyn hadn’t even thought of that. She was so busy fighting her possessive feelings for Cassian, it hadn’t occurred to her he might be feeling possessive of her.

“Don’t apologize.” Don’t take it back. Please.

He smiled at her. And parts of her that she hadn’t previously known existed before meeting him, responded, filling her with warmth, as seemed inevitable whenever she was in the glow of that smile of his.

“Let’s get out of here while we can,” he leaned in to whisper, a little closer than necessary so that his mouth was just a couple of teasing inches away from hers.

“Yeah,” Jyn whispered back. “Your leg must be bothering you. I think we need to get you back to bed.”

His mouth twitched and he raised his eyebrows at her. Like he was in any condition to follow through on the innuendo that she actually hadn’t intended.

“Do you know of… er… a back way out of here?” Jyn asked as they ducked back into line. Things seemed to be picking up for the next part of the ceremony. And she’d honestly had enough pomp and circumstance for the day.

“Of course. I’m a spy,” Cassian said, giving Jyn a wink as he took her hand and somehow began to sidle through the ranks of rebel soldiers, weaving seamlessly between them and towing Jyn along, none the worse for wear for his injured leg.

They managed to reach the wall, slide along it and duck into a shadowy corner that was the entrance to a hidden narrow hallway just as all the troops came to attention and did an about face. Apparently the heroes of the Battle of Yavin were making their grand entrance. Jyn would’ve been curious about them if she wasn’t being towed along by the most compelling person she’d ever met, the most frustrating, uptight, passionate, tortured, beautiful man in the galaxy.

Halfway back to his quarters, his limp was worsening, so Jyn pulled her hand out of his and slipped her arm around his waist. It was difficult to say whether he maybe just wasn’t as much a stubbornly independent sort as she thought, or whether he trusted her like no other. But either way, he accepted her help and being snuggled up against him felt like where she belonged.

When they reached his quarters, Cassian collapsed onto his bed with a sigh. It had been a long day, even for her, and she was only recovering from comparatively minor injuries. So she was actually a little surprised when he didn’t immediately pass out. Instead, he gave her that look again.

“Come here.” Sitting up, he reached for her. And Jyn came, more than willingly, practically jumping into his lap, only hesitating when part of her shouted to be careful not to hurt him.

He smiled. Oh, that smile.

“It’s okay.” His hands found her waist. And oh, they fit her curves like they were made to hold her.

“But your injuries. I don’t want-”

“Straddle me.” He tugged gently at her waist. Heat blazed through her, and a wanting she’d never experienced the likes of before. “You can keep your weight off me that way, if you want.”

“Oh, right.” She put a knee on the bed on either side of his thighs, settled onto his lap without -he was right- placing her full weight on him. Cassian made a pleased noise, his hands never leaving her waist, but beginning to stroke up and down her sides, beneath her vest but separated from her bare skin by the fabric of her shirt, which she was honestly a bit thankful for. Her senses, her kriffing emotions, were already overwhelmed, especially when she looked down to find his face tilted up towards hers, his pretty dark eyes fixed on her, showing her everything he kept locked up so deep inside.

His eyes were all soft and imploring, filled with a desperate need to give and receive affection, to be understood and loved, to connect with another person on a soul deep level, emotionally… physically. It made her heart race and her skin prickle with gooseflesh. She had the same longing she had never been able to define before.

Jyn took his face in her hands, leaned down and kissed him. It was as good as the first time. Maybe even better. No less eager for one another, the ambrace was enthusiastic and a bit sloppy. But it slowed to that intense teasing exploration of one another, this time deepened by their tongues eager to taste one another, stroke and caress. The kiss was seeking and answering. It was… It was...

Kissing Cassian was a revelation. Not just confirmation that her attraction to him was reciprocated, but a soul-baring epiphany.

Most of her life, all of her adult life, Jyn had had nothing beyond surviving, no reason for living besides that death was the alternative. Cassian had tried to give her one, give her the Cause, his cause, the Rebellion. And for a while, she’d adopted it. She would still make it hers. But she was too cynical for it to be her reason for living. And if she was truly honest with herself, it was only her Cause because it was his.

Cassian Andor had given her something to live for, something to fight for, but it wasn’t what either of them pretended it was.

He was her reason. He was her Cause.

The kiss broke, and Jyn rested her forehead against his, the need to be close persisting despite the biological requirement that they break for want of air. His hands released her waist to cradle her face.

“Cassian…” She could barely recognize her own breathy whisper, could not find any words.

His thumbs stroke her cheeks and he sighed, his voice low and husky when he spoke.

“Me, too, Jyn. Me, too.”

END

[zemodaddy]

Shades of Him

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Oeznik walks over to you a presses his hand forcefully on your shoulder. You shakily stood and followed him away from Zemo. You turn around one last time hoping and begging you can speak to him soon. Oeznik gives you one final push out of the door. “We have a room for you where you can stay if you’d like” he says. You hadn’t thought about what was to happen next but you saw no reason not to accept.

He sets you in a room at the other end of the corridor in which Zemo’s room was. You were glad you could be close to him still, even if he didn’t know you were there. Looking around, you begin to unpack some of your things into a closet. This bedroom had to be just a little smaller than Zemos. It had similar furniture and decor, but faced out towards the gardens.

Before you could look any further, someone knocks at your door. A maid enters and says she’ll unpack the rest for you while you go have a look around. Not wanting to make a fuss you do as she says and walk towards the corridor again. Oeznik stood there and led you downstairs.

He shows you the ground floor which consisted of two large living rooms, a kitchen, library and conservatory. He tells you that you have free rein of the library and gardens, since you probably needed something to do anyway. The gardens turns out to be quite overgrown. A long path led along the acres of land that were filled with all sorts of plants. From red roses to the most exotic plants you’ve ever seen.

It almost felt like a different world, as you walked further along the gravel path, the overhanging trees swayed you to go further. They completely blocked the view of the house and you felt isolated, but not in a way that scared you, in a way that was calming and friendly.

Zemo was the only thing missing to make your experience truly special. Sadness tugged at your heart as you decide to walk back to the estate. The next time you took a walk here it would be with him.

When you walked through those towering front doors you receive a call. “Hey y/n where are you?” Shit it was Bucky. “Erm just on a walk around town, what’s up?” “We are taking Karli out tonight, we know where the flagsmashers will strike next. Can you come?” “That’s great Bucky but I have a major family issue right now. My cousin is in hospital right now and I need to be there for him, I’m sorry” “Oh I hope he will be okay, wait, didn’t you say you were on a walk?” Fuck “uhh yeah just taking a breather, its quite stressful here.”

You wish him good luck and hang up. That was close. How could you ever explain to him where you really were. You begin to walk to the kitchen for a drink when Oeznik appears in front of you. “I got word from the doctors that Zemo should wake soon” “oh thank god” you say. It was strange because he didn’t look happy about this. In fact he seemed to grimace at you. Even weirder was that was all he said, and then he just left.

He was one peculiar man. Later that night when you were in your room you watch the news on your phone. This building had only one Tv, and that was in the smaller living room downstairs. You didn’t want to intrude on anyone so you now sat on your bed.

Sam had taken the shield and became the new Captain America. He was the perfect person to bear such a title. You were glad John Walker lost the shield. What a twat. Both Bucky and Sam had stopped the flagsmashers, however Karli had been shot and died. It was sad to see a young girl die like that for something she believed in.

If only the government would have listened for once. You fall asleep on the bed but only rest for a few hours. For some reason you wake in the middle of the night. It was still dark outside and everyone was fast asleep.

You decide to go check on Zemo. Now was your chance to be alone with him and not have oeznik breath down your back. Carefully, you open the doors to his room and shut them slowly behind you. Zemo was in the same position he was in before. His chest rising and falling softly in the dark. You didn’t bother having a light, it was peaceful in the darkness.

You move and kneel down next to him again. Taking his hand in yours you just sit there looking at him. He seemed to stir a bit at this, or was that just your imagination? “I’m sorry” you whisper. “I’m sorry” you repeat as tear begin to flow down your cheek. It was hard for you to be next to him when he couldn’t even talk to you. You felt hopeless and lost.

It was like a part of you he been ripped away and hidden somewhere. Somewhere you couldn’t find, or couldn’t even reach. Zemo moves again, this time it wasn’t your imagination. He was waking. “Oh my god” you say to yourself.

Suddenly, the doors fly open and none other than Oeznik sprints in, followed by two men who looked like doctors. “Get away from him” he almost shouts. “I didn’t-“ you start but he shoves you to the entrance of the room. “Go to your room and stay out, don’t come near” he looked slightly frantic and panicked.

You had no choice but to leave. As the doors shut behind you you hear a distinctive click of the locks. He did not trust you at all. You waited for what felt like hours. Pacing your room you begin to wonder why Oeznik treated you like that. Did he think you tried to kill Zemo? No surely not. Your mind was racing with thoughts.

In the distance you could hear voices coming from the other room. They sounded almost in distress. You thought enough was enough and you walk back down the corridor. You raise your fist up to the door but as you were about to knock it opens. Oeznik looks down at you. He pushes you back slightly and closes the door behind him, hindering you from looking inside the bedroom.

“He doesn’t want to see you” you stand there in shock. “W-what” you stutter. “He seemed to have gained a strong disliking for you.” You worst fears have become true. “Can I just talk to him-“ you try to move past the butler but he blocks your path “I’m afraid I can’t let you go in there” so he does hate you. “I think its best you leave, now, before the baron realises you’re on his property”

Before you knew it you were hurried off into a car. You felt completely empty, like all life had been sucked out of you. You nearly killed him and now you’re paying the price. It’s what you deserved now, and you had to accept that.

You didn’t realise how you ended up back in your apartment but you vaguely remember in between the breaks in your line of thought, being escorted onto a plane and then a car again. Now you stood in your home, alone. The emptiness embraced you, hung around you like a necklace. You just have to accept that he doesn’t want to see you, let alone be anywhere near you.

The days passed and you stayed mostly in your home. You lacked all motivation to do anything. After a few weeks you heard a knock on your door. “Bucky?” He stood there in front of you. He doesn’t say anything and goes in to hug you. He had always been sweet yet this embrace seemed almost sad.

“Why haven’t you called or texted?” He says as he sits himself on your couch. “I know I’m sorry its just been a rough time for me lately.” He looked genuinely worried for you. “Do you want to talk bout it?” The honest answer was no but you knew he would worry about you even more if you said that. So you nod and sit next to him. “Ive just been stressed about work and-“ you pause, there really was no work for you to do, but he didn’t know that.

“I have this old friend who I hurt quite badly and now I think that he hates me” you look down at you hands “I just don’t know what to do” Bucky looks at you sympathetically. “If you both love each other and care for one another then you will find each other again” he looks you in the eyes “Its not over until its over”

Tags: @killsandthrills @aisling1985 @booklover2929 @noavengers @arianalilyblack @your-pixels-are-showing @kenna-1904 @mochminnie @the-lil-spud @starssscary @safiakillspop

Sorry if i missed anyone ^

[avengersapology-vid]

Avengers: College Edition

Steve: Criminal Justice and Studio Art double major. He doesn't want to torture himself with anything difficult and still wants to study what he loves. He is still an over achiever though. Highkey hates frat parties, saw someone twerking upside down and almost cried but stayed because hes the designated driver (responsible KING). prefers small get togethers with his friends. Roommates with sam and bucky!! Joins Criminal Justice club, jokingly rivals with Engineering (Tonys Club) Everyone on campus loves him including the professors, wins Homecoming king and is very happy. Sam jokingly asks to be his queen, Bucky butts in and says "NO, im his queen". Can be found in the library or art studio, usually with ink or pencil markings on his hands.

Tony: Obvi an engineering KING has physics as a minor. procrastinates to the max "No Bruce I have everything under control" *crams for 46 hours straight on a constant IV drip of Redbull and coffee* Super smart and helps draw the blueprint for the new engineering building. Roomies with Bruce! Tony was in a frat for a bit his freshmen year but hated it and wanted real friends (Throws better parties anyway) met Bruce and all the other avengers during a 1301 intro class. Pulls women like no tomorrow. On the presidents list every semester and tutors math for free on the side. He is basically the Dad in STEM. Tries hitting on Natasha but she is just like :/ nah, when her and bruce start dating tony is surprised because bruce is his "quiet little cinnamon roll." Tony constantly teases bruce and is like "yall fuckin (;" Steve butts in "tONY PLZ I JUST WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE" Bruce is thankful for steves intervention. You know how he rivals Steves Criminal Justice club? He butts heads with Business Clubs leader (Pepper) until everyone catches them together at a party. Has a caffeine addiction. Works out with Thor and Bucky one day in the rec and almost dies.

Bruce: Physics and Engineering double major (Hardworking KING) In math club with Vision and Wanda. He loves being roomies with Tony because it helps him out of his shell. Likes to draw with Steve sometimes and enjoys the quiet. Doesn't procrastinate and gets things done in a timely manor. 4.0 icon we all strive to be. Him and Nat already know each other, but bond and get a lot closer while studying in the library and they eventually start dating. He takes her coffee when she works across campus and is always almost late to class because of that (He doesn't care though bc thats his BABY) "Um.. Bruce your class is in 5 minutes" "Okay and?.....Wait I have an ex-" *Sprints to his building* Takes boxing at night with Thor, Bucky, Sam and Steve!!! Loves sparring with Thor and can surprisingly take the big buy on pretty well. Gets his butt kicked by Natasha in a MMA class though.

Natasha: Majors in Criminal Justice and Minors in Psychology. Ballet club AND MOCK TRIAL!! Has a Job at the Criminal Justice Deans office and takes MMA classes on the side. She is on Mock Trial with Loki and they actually get along quiet well once they stop butting heads about the case. Introduces Sam and Wanda to dance and they have so much fun. Coffee dates with Bruce!! Her and Steve become RAs in the following years and are the coolest RAs you know. Prefers night classes, Bruce walks her to all of them. Psychology classes are her favorite and really wants to help children one day. Volunteers at a daycare during breaks. Sis can really out drink Tony and Thor. Puts Wanda under her wing and helps her with fafsa and what not. Her and Bucky get the Russian language credit by simply testing out. Has her sh!t together and while she has a lot on her plate she can take it. She is really the Mom of the group. Can be found dancing or with Bruce. Her and Clint are icons in psychology classes.

Clint: Deaf Studies with education minor! (we stan deaf clint in the comics) In the Archery club and wins nationals for the Uni. Loves to draw with Steve. Helps Bruce ask Natasha out! PRANK ICON! loves to do prank wars with tony, bucky, loki and sam. Was in the same frat with Tony but hated it as well. While he seems to have a more reserved demeanor he is still the life of the party. (Like he knows people at the clubs ya know?) Can get in anywhere and helps everyone rent out a club for the night in celebration of midterms being over. Loves reading in the library and loves morning classes and being productive early in the day. Cracks Tonys netflix and hulu passwords (no tony... tonyr0cks69 is not good enough) Wants to teach at a school for the Deaf. Bruce sets him up with a girl from engineering and that is his future wife.

Thor: Physical Education major and Communications minor! Here on a football scholarship and is in a frat (not the asshole one tony was in) and is a partying ICON. Tries to get Loki to party but Loki just wants to drink wine with the cat he snuck into his dorm. Learns Sign from Clint to prepare for his career in education. Loves working out with Bucky, Sam and Steve. Takes up boxing during football off season and spars with Bruce. Despite being everyones fav himbo he gets really good grades and is a very good writer. Loki dorms across the hall from him. Thor actually rooms with Peter. Peter is the freshman baby and Thor takes peter under his wing and introduces him to everyone and helps him with college stuff in general. Also hooks him up with MJ and brings him to the occasional boxing session. Has a loud booming laughter you can hear in all floors of the library when he sees a funny meme. One time he actually makes a very good point and notices a flaw in one of Tony and Bruces projects leaves everyone stunned. Picks on Loki in big brother fashion. Unironically calls weed the devils lettuce.

Loki: Pre-Law and Criminal Justice. LOVES to argue. (Devils advocate ass) In Mock Trial and Criminal Justice Club. Tony jokingly calls him steves sexy secretary in CJ club. Loves Mock Trial and is the president with Nat as his right hand woman. Sneaks a cat he found at the shelter into his dorm and names it muffin. Stays in the Library writing or going over cases. The one time he was taking Natasha a copy of the Mock Trial case packet and caught her and bruce smooching. (He screeched) "Haha funny joke yall heres the case packet BYE." He automatically texts the group chat "i think nAT AND BRUCE HAVE SOME TEA FOR US HMM". Lets Peter and Bruce come over to his dorm because he knows their roommates can get a little too much sometimes. Loki also becomes an avid twitter user and thats how he gains popularity on campus. (He called the uni out for their awful and expensive parking) Was able to convince the Dean with tony and steve to create a new parking lot. Caffeine addict!!! Him and Tony always bump into each other at the coffee shop. Brings baked goods to meet ups with the gang. Loves to play pranks (especially on Tony) Him and Bucky come up with a genius prank on him and even get pepper involved. Best dressed on campus and is in the fashion club. He is the embodiment of dark academia.

Sam: Criminal Justice Major with Aerospace Engineering minor. Gets introduced to Bucky and Steve during move in and they literally become brothers. Is both in Criminal Justice Club and Engineering Club. In the Historically Black Frat on campus and takes huge pride in that. Parties with tony and thor BIG TIME. Procrastinates by throwing paper airplanes at Bucky until Bucky is like "Um...dude your paper is due in like two hours." At that moment Sam got into work faster than he ever had. Loves gossip sessions with Loki and Wanda. Works out a lot with Bucky, Steve and Thor to get rid of stress. When he and Bucky finish a final they go to loki's dorm and ask "Hey can we see your cat." Helps prep food for friends-giving and decorates the dorm for holidays. HATES 8ams so so so much. Steve promises him pancakes if he gets up and goes. Binge watches shows during weekends and screams when Destiel is finally canon. Loves running and gets a Track Scholarship when Thor gets him to join a sport. Gets Peter to join track.

Bucky: criminal justice major and psychology minor. Buck is also in ballet club with Nat, it really helps him relax and gives him a free space to think (also he runs that shit like no ones business) Criminal justice club as well and LOVES to work out and box. One time Sam accompanies him to ballet and Bucky pushes Sam into a split... the scream was heard for miles. "Sam ballet is good for athletes it helps w-" "Yeah but its not good for my balls" Doesn't willingly procrastinate but once in awhile he will forget an assignment, you best believe his eyes will snap open from his nap and get to work asap. For one of his psyche labs he had to question Steve as if he were Steve's therapist to which Steve responds "Hey bro you dont have to hit a nerve that deep" He also likes to do dance with peter since it helps him get away from Thor for a bit. Not a big partier but once the weight of finals are off his chest you best believe he will go all out. Picks on Nat and says hes gonna steal her man, to which tony interjects and says "Not if I do first" Bucky also has a very comfy dorm, comfy lighting and tons of pillows, the man loves his sleep... and so does everyone else. Sometimes he finds peter, sam, THOR, tONY EVERYONE just napping in his bed before their study time. Overall, bucky is a smart boy and his time in college is kind to him.

Wanda: English Major and Education Minor. After being an orphan Wanda knows what it feels like to not have a parental figure there and she wants to change that for other kids by becoming an english teacher. She volunteers at an orphanage, specifically the one her and pietro were in for a brief moment when they came to the states. She loves to draw as well and takes plenty of art classes with steve. She paints a portrait of the entire gang and gives it to tony as a graduation present (he cried). She loves to do volunteer work for children and also spend a lot of time in the library, She helped Nat calm down before Bruce asked her out. Her and Loki are in constant competition for best dressed. "Loki ill let you win best dressed but you have to let me see your cat" "ugh fine... btw your shirt doesnt match your boots" "hEY" Her and Peter take alot of intro classes together and are constantly running around craft stores trying to get the right stuff for projects. Visits Vision at his Job on Campus and he visits her where she volunteers and eventually they start dating. She is constantly getting visited by pietro at 4am asking "Um do you have milk" "Pietro its 4am what do you ne-" "my OREOS"

Pietro: Track star business major, frat ICON with Thor. poor boy is STRESSED he hates college and is here on a track scholarship, constantly late and running around getting shit done. Queen of late assignments but still gets them graded because he is in Track. Yeah he has alot on his plate but he still parties with thor for hours. When he is drowning in assignments Clint is always there to help him, Bruce also helps him with biology and the more science-y classes. Likes to mess around and race sam at track practice. Not into coffee but will run on all the monster energy drinks you could possibly buy. Seriously is tired of 8 a.m courses, he just wants to nap after practice. Walks into the study room that everyone was in and actually looks more sleep deprived than tony. He gets a lot of tips from steve on how to have an easier time in college and it really helps him.

Vision: Grad student working on a civil engineering masters and a TA. Meets Wanda in the library and she asks him where the biographies are. He mistakenly says they are on the 2nd floor "Uh theyre actually on the third" "Then why did you ask?" "Cause I wanted to talk to you :)" He swooned. Through Wanda he met Tony and Bruce and became their best friend, He helped out a lot with engineering club and got them far. He spends a lot of time doing research for his masters degree, he loves relaxing with the group on weekends and picks on pietro as if he is already apart of the family. Him and Loki bond over intellectual conversations from time to time. Bruce and Nat go on double dates with him and Wanda. Went to a bar once with tony and bruce and had to stop tony from singing Queens entire discography, he had the best night that night. Helps everyone with getting into jobs and into grad school in general while everyone helps him let loose and have some fun.

Peter: Peter is a Physics major and eventually works his way up to biochemistry. (hardworking icon) He is the freshman baby of the group and is introduced to them through Thor. He dances with Buck and Nat sometimes as well. Tony obviously takes peter under his wing and helps him with assignments. One time everyone was in the same study room and him and pietro have a redbull shot gunning challenge. When Peter wins Thor picks him up and almost yeets the poor boy into the ceiling. "VERY WELL DONE YOUNG PARKER YOU SHOULD BE DOING THAT WITH BEER IN NO TIME." "Thor plz" Tony and Thor help him ask MJ out and even spy on them during a dinner date. (Imagine thor with sunglasses and a scarf around his head pretending to be tonys date) He feels so accepted in college because of the gang and gets all his work done on time. Goes out of his way to get everyone christmas presents and is so excited for friendsgiving. Becomes a little stressball during finals and midterms and stays in the library till it closes. He spots loki alot in there and helps loki with science classes while loki helps him with political science classes. He meets MJ through wanda and is obviously blushing the whole time while being introduced. Gets embarrassed when the guys flirt with aunt may. "guys plz stop" This is when Sam earns his "milf hunter" nickname. "Pete hows your aunt?" "She doesnt want you sam i-" its not like that... actually it is like that"

Coulson: Alumni Icon. Is the gangs Intro professor and is the reason why everyone meets eachother. (the class was chaotic indeed) Coulson loved that class so much and he still gets visited by everyone from time to time. He is obviously close with Nick. They were there that night when Tony was signing Queen at the bar and couldnt help but laugh.

Nick Fury: Dean for criminal justice and is heavily involved with criminal justice club and mock trial. He is tired of everyones shit as always. Makes a tiktok account for the criminal justice club and has no idea how to manage social media so gets Loki to help. Has to delete it when Loki commented "hah losers" on the engineering tiktoks page. He looks intimidating but in his office he has a picture with the club and has all the gifts he gets on display. (He even framed lokis comment because it was hilarious afterall)

[whump-town]

Heart Attack

This one goes out to whoever said “death. this is how i confess love”. 

I will write the other fic as well 

Warning: Major Character Death (rip my favorite big old idiot)

The initial weakness in his left arm is not noteworthy. The deep ache, daggers shooting from the inside of his wrist to the clavicle, are sadly not either. Chronic pain is just a part of his daily life and after the ugly, deep scars Foyet left on his forearms, not even simple movements are free. He’s always assumed Foyet put them, the long slashed scars that look nearly self-inflicted, there just for show, claiming him perhaps but certainly to maim. Doesn’t matter right much now, all he knows for certain is that it hurts and there’s nothing he can do about it.

It happens so frequently that it nearly slips his mind-- as much as pain can but what he really means is that the coffee in his hand slips. He’s standing in the kitchen, contemplating taking an Advil to at least dull the pain enough to better concentrate on the book he’s been trying to finish since Friday. “Fuck.” His left hand just releases the mug. He liked that mug. Advil it is.

His days pass in quiet contemplation. Just him and these beige walls. He misses the days that were filled by Jack’s toddling steps, rampant little footsteps, and happy squeals of delight. Coming home to the sound of some new band Jack’s conjured up and is going to torture him with for the next week until he moves on to the next. He misses Emily and Dave and having drinks on his couch. Being forced to go to Dave’s for family dinners and Emily coming by, uninvited, of course, to eat his ice cream and make fun of his documentaries.

Now he’s alone most of the time. Well, unless Jessica coming by to count to his pills counts. He doesn’t really think it should but she means well. Someone has to make sure he doesn’t just die on them but would they even notice?

Not immediately, not for a while.

Maybe if something strange happens on a case but those calls come less and less frequently. No one needs his specific knowledge. Emily is becoming an assured leader and she doesn’t even call him to fuss about the idiots that he hired and left her to deal with. He and Dave don’t really talk anymore. The best he gets, these days, is a quick update if someone gets hurt just so that he doesn’t worry if it pops up on the news.

Jack is off at college now. Hotch can’t blame him for being fairly radio silent but it does give him something to work with every few weeks when Jack does remember that he exists and sends a thousand-odd texts his way.

So, if he just… died no one would notice until Jessica’s Thursday visit. Even then, she’s just here to look at the pillbox he leaves on the counter for her easy access. She just checks what she has to and leaves. Life goes on.

As he’s crouched on his kitchen floor, mumbling very inappropriate and obscenity-ridden things, he feels that lightheaded fog encroach. Something that he really only knows from other encounters, one that he doesn’t associate with immediate danger. He takes a fist-full of medication each morning and roughly two list lightheadedness as a side-effect. While a dangerous fallout of Foyet’s stabbing is this strange platelet problem that messes with his iron. So while he sits for a moment and breathes through the feeling of his body trying to give out on him he assumes this problem is what it always is: his awful health.

He gets the coffee cleaned up with a towel but leaves the towel over the broken bits of the mug. The cartilage in his knees saw better days roughly twenty-years ago and by the time that the coffee has been contained, he can hardly stand the pain in them. So, guiding himself with a hand on the counter (then leaning on the wall and using a kitchen chair and so on and so forth until he gets to the couch) Hotch limps away from the kitchen.

He’s never been so thankful for his habitual manners as he sinks into the cozy couch and finds his heated blanket already plugged in and sitting on the lowest heat. A fire hazard? Yeah probably but if this damned blanket kills him one day then so be it. He finds some background noise in a nature documentary about penguins and closes his eyes, waiting for the blanket’s heat to soothe his old bones.

Despite how far he’s pushed himself down into the blanket, his body breaks out in a cold sweat. His chest tight and arm throbbing or maybe stabbing-- he can’t tell the difference right now just blinded by the pain. Blind and so stupid and as he sits up, shaking he’s shivering so hard, he knows what’s happening.

Haley used to dismiss his fears with soothing promises. She wouldn’t let something like this happen to him. They’d get old together “so old we start to wish one of us would just die and get it over with but every day I’ll turn over in our bed and find your craggy, old face right beside me and I know I’d still love you so much it hurts”. But Haley died before she even turned forty and he’s spent too many birthdays and anniversaries alone to know she couldn’t have meant that.

Drunk, vulnerable with the recent loss of Haley and the sudden return of Emily he’d admitted to this fear. Not just dying alone but of dying like his father-- a hated bastard on the outside with no family and no loved ones. To paint the wall with the horror in Dave and Emily’s face could stand as a solid reminder that he is loved but those faces mean nothing. The way that Emily had hugged him that night is nothing. Despite their assurances, he can feel his heart skipping beats. Painful kicks, each one.

He is alone. Gasping as he struggles to fight off his anxiety and crying through the agony ripping chest. Alone. Curled down into himself to try and find some comfort.

He manages to call 911. As he’s blinking tears from his eyelashes there’s a moment where the only number he can think of is Garcia. For years her number was his emergency number and now … He’s still thinking about her when the operator picks up but he’s losing his functions so fast. Settling back on the couch, using what’s left of his energy to tuck his feet back under his black he does his best to stay awake and hum in response to questions.

He thinks about Garcia. She’s always there, he finds, in his mind and every accident he’s had. Even during Boston despite the fact that she just joined the BAU. She’s always there and he wonders if she’ll appear this time. Talk his ear off about David Bowe but hold his hand tight enough that he never has to question if she’s really there.

Heart attacks hurt a lot worse than internal bleeding but he’d, personally, still put it under being actually stabbed.

He doesn’t hear the paramedics arrive or even feel the IV being placed in his arm. Though unconscious, he gives the faintest whimper of discontent as he’s lifted and pulled away from the couch. Not given the chance to brace for the cold winter air of March in Virginia just moving and moving fast.

“Agent Hotchner?”

He groans, turning his head from the penlight shining down in his face. Though he moves his face, he can’t escape the tight pressure across his ribs. Constricting tightly. The agent bit catches him by surprise-- he’s been “Mr” now for some time. Very few people still throw the “agent” in there.

“There you are--”

The sirens make it hard to hear. His hearing has been going for some time but if there’s one thing he can take from this encounter it might be that he should invest in the hearing aids he’s been putting off for a while now. He blinks up at the woman talking to him. Gently pumping a blood pressure cuff around his bicep and calling his name when his eyes slide back shut. He does try to stay awake but he’s in a lot of pain and he’s tired. Even retired he doesn’t get much sleep.

He’ll have to remember to tell JJ that. She’s always worried about his sleep schedule (or lack thereof) and thought, or rather hoped, his retirement would bring him the chance to finally catch up on two decades’ worth of lost sleep. She’ll be disappointed but not surprised.

It’ll give him a reason to reach out, to talk with them.

“Stay with me, Agent Hotchner.”

The world rocks and something that taste like plastic is placed over his face, wrapped around the back of his head.

“Deep breathes, you’re doing just fine.”

The cold air hits his sternum and his eye fly open, panicking as hands touch his bare skin. Oh, God. Foyet. I have to stop-- someone much stronger than him grabs his wrist. Two hands push his shoulders down into the gurney and he can’t fight. Can’t move.

“Agent Hotchner,” someone tries to calm him. “We’re trying to help you. I understand you���re in a lot of pain--”

He wants to go home. Away from the cold and the hands that keep touching him. “Dave?” he pants, turning his head and searching through the hazy mess of people. He cries softly, tears stinging his face as they slide down his face. He wants to recognize one person, to know one of the hands belongs to someone he trusts. Dave is okay. He likes it when Dave touches him. It’s calming and reassuring and he wants someone to call Dave. “Please,” he whimpers, curling his legs as he feels someone tear the worn fabric of his jeans. “No. No.”

He’s confused and he’s in pain and he wants all these people to stop touching him.

“Aaron--”

No, no he doesn’t like that. He cries out, failing to dislodge the hands as he kicks out. All his height, all the power he’s spent decades learning to command is useless. “I want to go home,” he rasps desperately. He can’t move, anymore. They’re holding him down and he can feel the drugs pumping into his arm. Too cold and too fast and it all hurts. Why are they hurting him?

“Just stay with us, Agent. We’re almost done and then--”

For the first time in nearly twenty years, all of his pain just is gone. He feels nothing for a blissful second. Around him, there’s a panic. The machines attached to him frantically going off as his heartbeat goes from rampant, wrong to gone. The pain comes back suddenly, sharper than before, and he turns his head with a moan as his lungs contract painfully. He coughs, rasping as his chest heaves.

He slips back under the haze but this time the pain stays.

He chokes as they try to intubate, fighting weekly but he’s too far gone to even move away from the touch anymore. Dave isn’t there. He wishes Dave were here. Dave always cups the side of his head, speaking in soft Italian that he’s never managed to pick up. But it’s soft and gentle and Dave. Garcia doesn’t hold his hand-- she always holds his hand. There’s not the soft scent of lavender that comes in with the hard rain that is Emily Prentiss. No one to jostle him for his carelessness and then crawl up into the bed with him. Reminding him of memories he’s nearly forgotten of when they were just kids.

No Jack.

Jack’s at college.

He comes in at 9:45 a.m.

By 10:15 a.m. there’s a doctor over his chest. A nurse makes quick work of trying to get a hold of a medical proxy. There’s a kid, he has a son, but there’s no contact information listed for him. She gets voicemail twice from the numbers that are listed.

Jessica is in a meeting. Her phone is on silent. It wouldn’t have mattered if she’d had her phone. He’s thirty minutes away and his heart gives out only twenty minutes after he arrives at the hospital.

Dave is in Seattle, sitting in a puddle of rainwater and trying to contain his anger as Luke changes a tire on the SUV. His phone is too wet to work. He won’t get the news until nearly two hours later when he and Luke arrive back at the precinct. Emily will not cry for nearly a week after she gets the news. She tells Jack.

The doctors assure them that there was nothing they could have done. It was a freak accident. They always knew this was a possibility, an outcome that was very real with the amount of damage done to Aaron’s heart. It’s been broken so many times… And standing in that hospital, shivering under the intensity of the air conditioning and the white burning paint, they are left with the burden of knowing he protected them tell the very end.

But they never reciprocated that care.

[merlinssaggyyfronts]

BBC Merlin Rewatch:

01x01: The Dragon’s Call

—

FIRSTLY THE FUCKING DESCRIPTION LMAO “Merlin, a young country boy” COUNTRY BOY AHAHDHSNDH IF ONLY YOU KNEW!!! ITS LIKE SETTING SOMEONE UP FOR DISASTER BUT THEN AGAIN THEY WERE SO LIKE I MEAN-

aw look at merlin all happy and smily, walking into camelot like he isnt going to witness the death of his best friend/king and basically everyone he loves

LOOK AT HIM HES SO HAPPY!!! HE DOESNT KNOW YET

“like everyone, he must live and learn” yo shut ur bitchass up lizard man u literally tried to murder everyone in camelot that one time

“his name: traumatised 😍😍”

AH YES THE OPENING!!1!1!-!-! AHHH THE AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS I FEEL HEARING THE OPENING

fuck ur bitchass uther no one likes u

“i pride myself as a fair and just king” sir didnt u like basically kill ur wife... and thousands of peo- OH MY GOD MORGANA BB ILY

oh jesus okay hes dead um chile-

“when i came to this land” wait i thought he was raised kn camelot brb i forgot im an idiot wait,,, does this mean before this it was the du bois family on the throne of camelot?? also, mired in chaos? u mean like.... before ur wife died and everyone was living peacefully? ....okay

“merlin, seeing a person who's been stated had been studying magic get beheaded: [a magical being himself] ah,, welcoming.” -my gf

“since the great dragon was captured” ....so did no one think about where they put a dragon?? a captured one at that. ud think he’d be more smart but nah he just left a random ass dragon under his castle like THAT is going to end well

YUHH MARY COLLJNS HATE HIM!!! YELL BABEY YELL!!! “you took my son!” YES MURDER HIM OMG I CAN FEEL HER PAIN

“a son for a son!” omg why couldnt u have killed uther bb ur the perfect villain i love u ur literally just a loving mother i-

OOOOO GAIUS

.....why is there a bunny mask in there

why is thERE A BUNNY MASK-

why didnt merlins eyes glow when he dragged the bed to gaius to save him

also whats this slomo magic why didnt he do this after this why did season one haveso much magic and like every other season was just everyone throwing it back

like i get instinctual magic but like.... if its instinctual wouldnt it happen more especially when his powers get stronger-

gaius: what did you just do?!

also gaius, five seconds later: i know what it was!! i just wanted to know where you learned it

merlin: 😐

merlin, about his magic: i was born like this

gaius, who knows full well warlocks exist: impossible!

(are warlocks naturally born knowing how to use magic without learning? i mean if u have to learn magic like a sorcerer then whats the difference between a warlock and a sorcerer cuz wouldnt sorcerers atleast have to have some magic in them to actually cast spells? am i dumb or do i just not get it)

wait so merlin arrived in camelot on a wednesday

merlin, walking into camelot: it is wednesday my dudes

merlin: [witnesses an execution] aaaAAAAAA-

“someone that might help him find a purpose of his gifts” oh honey he’ll get something mUCH LARGER THAN THAT-

—

oH MORGANA

SHUT UR BITCHASS UTHER SHE WILL KILL YOU-

“the more brutal you are, the more enemies you’ll create” oh the waY SHE PREDICTED THEIR FUTURE OO

ah bless u lady helen/mary collins we love them spicy villains

...why do you have a dressing table in a tent

[watches mary collins murder lady helen] i never snitch on dadd- ...someone pls delete me

merlin, about his instinctual magic: i just do it!

gaius: ...lord have mercy what did i just sign myself up to

what ever happened to sir olwen did he die from accidentally overdosing

—

oHHH THERE HE IS THERE HE IS THERES MY BOY!!! MY LIL PRAT MAN!!!!

merlin looks so offended, oh god i could watch this whole scene for HOURS

oooOOOO YES MERLIN FUCK HIM UP!!! SHOW HIM WHOS BOSS

“do i know you?” “im merlin” “so i dont know you” ugh theres already sexual tension

“i would never have a friend who could be such an ass” “or i one so stupid”

also them, ten years later: “i use my magic for you arthur, only you” “just hold me” “i cant lose him! hes my friend!” “thank you..”

“tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?” OOOOH THE BOYS ARE FLIRTING

NOT THE “would you like me to help you?” SIR YOU ARE FLIRTING SO INTENSELY AND DONT EVEN REALISE IT SIR DO YOU KNOW YOURE FALLING IN LOVE

im convinced atleast half the knights with arthur were like “ayo thas kinda sus bro 😳😳 ayo 😳😳”

arthur: tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to help you?

merlin: ....i really dont know how to answer that

imagine being paid to throw fruits at colin morgan omg id be so thrilled

OOOH HERE COMES OUR QUEEN GWEN!!! MY LOVE MY EVERYTHING YES ILY

gwen: well, arthur looks like one of those, save the world kinda men... and you dont

merlin, 1500 years later, having failed his destiny: well i mean you’re not wrong

—

gaius: uther banned magic a long time ago

merlin, flabbergasted as if he wasnt raised on tales of the death of his kind every day in the kingdom right next to his: why?!?!?

gaius: the dragon is imprisoned where nobody can free him

merlin:

(that is the face of someone knowing full well hes going to free that dragon. look at him. he’s already made up his mind.)

—

[sees merlin and arthur in the marketplace] oh heres he is again heres the lil bitxh ooo theyre about to FIGHT

god hes flirting so hard without even realising it, oh my god

“i could take you apart with one blow” “i could take you apart with less” um sirs this is a mcdonalds drive thru 😃

arthur: ahah, you’re in trouble now~ 😏😏

i had to pause cuz wHAT THE HELL WHY DOES HE SOUND LIKE THAT-

—

....yall are yelling very loudly, um, arent there guards near yall? people passing by? please relax

“im just a nobody, and i always will be” OH IF ONLY YOU KNEWWW

“if i cant use magic, i might as well die” ....well, ive got a surprise for you-

“maybe theres someone with more magic than me?” like... a whole dragon? i mean if you say so 👀

merlin about why he was born like this: if you cant tell me, no one can!

a fucking dragon, basically every magical creature and the druids: WELL-

the camelot guards are so stupid how the hell is this kingdom still standing

how does kilgharrah know merlins name? in prophecy hes known as emrys (and we see basically every magical being call him emrys and not merlin,, i think). so how does he know? did he stretch his neck long enough that he could somehow hear merlin? is it cuz theyre kin? is it cuz merlin and gaius were yelling so loudly that kilgharrah could hear them all the way in his cave? ig we’ll never know 🖐

merlin: where are you?!

kilgharrah:

kilgharrah: without you, arthur will never succeed.

merlin: ....oh look, im already paranoid

the amount of sadness i feel hearing kilgharrah say “none of us can choose our destiny, merlin. and none of us can escape it” is INSANE cuz in season one you can SEE merlin trying to escape it. hes doing his damned best trying to have some control over his life. and then in later seasons you can see the light slowly drain from his eyes as he becomes just another toy for the gods to be entertained by. he realises he cant control a single thing about his life so he does the one thing he can: protect arthur. and he loses SO MUCH because of it! its not fair, he deserved so much, and when he finally got everything he could ever ask for, it was taken away from him by his own mistakes.

arthur, seeing morgana in a beautiful dress: god have mercy 😍

uther: .....um

the way they set arthur and morgana up as if they arent gonna make them siblings i- what the fawk 😄

person A, who knows arthurian lore: oh no! arthur is going to have an affair with morgan(a) and have mordred! oh no!!

person B, whos seen merlin: oh no in this show its worse

person B, knowing full well theyre siblings: much worse....

gwen: who’d wanna marry arthur? 🙄

-

gwen, getting crowned queen of camelot: well fuck

hhhnghnh yes queen sing them to sleep yes murder his bitchass (and fail but like its the thought that counts)

on a sidenote tho this is such a fun way to murder someone, id try this

the absolutely OFFENDED “FATHER!” and the horrified look in arthurs eyss when uther announced merlin would be his manservant is PRICELESS OMG

oh the way uther unintentionally plants the first seed of his sons love story omg 😍😍

Conclusion: this episode is a 10/10 greatest episode with so many iconic scenes omg. mary collins u will forever have my heart for unintentionally kickstarting merlin and arthurs relationship destiny. i loved the whole thing and oh GOD does it already hurt knowing full well how the show ends

[wcamino-confessions]

anyway have some major points from my "Warrior Cats Rewrite" outline. long story short im rewriting the entire series bc i can, feel free to suggest things youd like to see :)

Overall:

-Please note that some of these bullet points dont make sense in the order theyre in bc i forgot to put them in chronological order and didnt have much time to fix it

-Each book has a different protag in a different Clan

-Some names, families, and pelt colours will all be switched around/changed

-Some characters will be aged up or down depending on when it makes sense to me for them to be born

-StarClan is fucking powerless. Instead these fiesty battlecats have a religion similar to greeks, with their main gods are based around the moon. Its considered super lucky for a kit to be born under a full moon, and naming a cat/kit "Moon-" is considered super disrespectful and can get both kit and mother shunned by the Clan or exiled

-WindClan never stopped tunneling

-Oakheart is still alive

-Assume no cats are related unless I state otherwise

-Lostsong, Wildblaze, Ferncloud, Ashfur, Brambleflower, and Tawnystorm are all related (Bramble, Tawny, Ash, Fern have the same father, Wild, Lost, Bramble, Tawny have the same mother)

-Acorn and Squirrel are Dust/Sand's kits, though they 2 are no longer mates

-The medicine cats cant have mates or kits rule is thrown out the window bc its stupid

Name Changes:

-Brambleclaw -> Brambleflower

-Tawnypelt -> Tawnystorm

-Sandstorm -> Sandstrike

-Firestar -> Sparkfern

-Leafpool -> Acornleaf

-Brightheart -> Lostsong

-Yellowfang -> Mirestorm

-Ravenpaw -> Ravensight

-Swiftpaw -> Wildblaze

1st arc (The prophecies begin):

- Protags are Sparkfern (ThunderClan, book 1), Yellowfang (ShadowClan, Book 2), Mistyfoot (RiverClan, book 3), Tallstar (WindClan, book 4), Tigerclaw (Book 5)

-1st book goes more or less the same with only minor changes until you reach the point where Sparkpaw was supposed to run into Mirestorm

-In this rewrite Brokenstar "out of the good of his heart" allows Mirestorm to stay in ShadowClan under 2 conditions. She gives up being a medicine cat and goes back to being a warrior, and she isnt allowed anywhere without a guard. She accepts

-Tigerclaw goes through with the plan to kill Ravenpaw but fails. Ravenpaw, terrified for his life, decides to switch to being a medicine cat

-WindClan hasn't been driven out, but only because Tallstar gave ShadowClan a good half of their territory

-Tigerclaw doesn't try any backhanded traps like the thunderpath one

-That being said, Cinderpaw still gets caught on the Thunderpath bc she wasnt paying attention to where she was going

-She still goes back to warrior training though bc this ThunderClan doesn't discriminate

-All the ShadowClan stuff happens a bit later than it does in canon

-Spottedleaf lives, but she's fucked up really bad (Blind in left eye, intense scarring on face and right side, unable to use back leg without pain, etc etc) and decides to demote herself as a medicine cat and mkve to the elder's den

-Ravenpaw still isn't fully trained, so ThunderClan enlists Barkface's help

-Ravenpaw ends up being named Ravensight sometime around the middle of the 3rd book

-Sparkpaw becomes Sparkfern around halfway through the book bc i dont try to pack what should be a month of buildup into 2 days so theres timeskips when theres nothing happening

-Sandpaw and Dustpaw become Sandstrike and Dustpelt before Sparkfern and Greystripe because they were apprentices for longer

-Tigerclaw kills Sparkfern by the end of book 1

-Tigerclaw tries to kill Bluestar, but she runs out of the den and Tigerclaw gets exiled

-Mirestorm decides to say fuck it and in book 2 pushes Brokenstar into the gorge in RiverClan territory

-After Redtail's death Whitestorm is made deputy

-Since WindClan never needed to be brought back Whiteclaw is alive now too

-Instead of Nightstar, after Brokenstar's death Blackfoot becomes Blackstar

- Whitestorm ends up getting killed so Sandstrike is made deputy

-On that note since Sparkfern is dead Sandstrike was Cinderpelt's mentor

-Both Swiftpaw and Brightpaw live, but both are heavily scarred and are renamed Deadspot and Lostface by Buestar

-Tigerclaw still leads the dogs onto ThunderClan territory, but instead of coming up with the canon plan they all live in fear until RiverClan decides that this is painful to watch and help out

-Deadspot and Lostface end up having a 2nd run in with the dogs and Bluestar looses her last life saving them

-Sandstar renames them Wildblaze and Lostsong

-ThunderClan don't actually hate Bramble and Tawny for being Tiger's kits, but they both feel irrationally guilty about it and that causes just as much of a strain

-Brambleflower is the one who leaves ThunderClan this time, while Tawnystorm stays

-Silverstream and Greystripe never get together. Feathertail and Stormfur are Silver and WhiteClaw's kits

-Also Leopardstar dies earlier and Stonefur becomes Stonestar

-Tigerclaw takes control of BloodClan and renames himself Tigerstar

-When Tigerstar tries to take over ShadowClan Blackstar tells him no

-Tigerstar tries approaching Stonestar for an alliance and the whole "shun half clan cats" thing, not knowing that Stonestar is a half clan cat (Bluestar still told both Mistyfoot and Stonefur the truth) and Stonefur tells him to get fucked

-tigerstar decides to merge with WindClan instead

-The whole fourtrees stand off still happens, but Brambleflower kills Tigerstar (who due to being a faux leader and not going to the moonstone only has one life)

2nd arc (The New Prophecy):

-Protags are Brambleflower (ShadowClan, book 1), Feathertail (RiverClan, book 2), Crowpaw (WindClan, book 3), Tawnystorm (ThunderClan, book 4), Nightcloud (WindClan, book 5)

-The cats that go on the quest are Tawnystorm, Brambleflower, Feathertail, Crowpaw, Squirrelflight, and Nightpaw (Nightcloud)

-Squirrel (who was born earlier than in canon and is therefor now already a warrior) follows Tawny on the quest

-Squirrel has a puppy crush on Tawny and she makes this fact painfully clear

-Nightpaw follows Feather around like a lost dog

-Crowpaw ends up dying instead of Feathertail bc Nightpaw was in danger

-Nightpaw becomes Nightcloud after the journey and develops a crush on Acornleaf

-She's torn between the two until she realizes Acorn doesnt feel the same about her (Acornleaf is in love with Mothwing in this rewrite bc i said so)

-Nightcloud is briefly devastated but then realizes that this makes things so much easier for her and starts dating Feathertail

-Tawny and Squirrel get together after 4 1/2 whole books of obvious pining

-Daisy is still there, but she only has one kit as the others have died (The living kit is Berrynose, now renamed Hay)

-Daisy gets in a relationship with Lostsong and Cloudtail bc thats my OT3 and bc i said so

-After loosing Hazel and Mouse she finds that she can't bring herself to get too attached to Hay so Tawny and Squirrel adopt him and Daisy just becomes that cool aunt™

-Insert a good 7 pages of Bramble freaking out that he's an uncle now

-Hawkfrost is still evil and traps Sandstar in a fox trap, but Mothwing kills him this time.

-Mothwing ends up badly injured from her fight with Hawkfrost and Acornleaf takes care of her

-Stormfur ends up dying

-Feathertail leaves RiverClan to be with Nightcloud

-Daisy/Lostsong/Cloudtail end up having Whitekit (wing), Rosekit (petal), and Honeykit (flower)

-Acornleaf and Mothwing become mates at one point and love each other very very much

-Mothwing is trans (comfort hc ive had aince forever, not purely for the sake of her and Acorn having bio kits i promise) and her and Acorn end up having Swanblaze (Hollyleaf) and Goldenfern (Lionblaze)

-since both Moth and Acorn are their Clan's only medicine cat neither can join the other's clan so Moth takes Swan and Acorn takes Golden

-a good 7 moon timeskip between arc 2 book 5 and arc 3 book 1

3rd arc (Power of Three):

-Protags are Mothwing (RiverClan, book 1), Crowstorm (WindClan, book 2), Goldenfern (ThunderClan, book 3), Littlecloud (ShadowClan, book 4), Swanblaze (RiverClan, book 5)

-[Everything that follows happens between TPB and the beginning of PO3]

-Since there's no "medicine cats cant have kits or mates" rule its common knowledge that Swan and Golden are Moth and Acorn's kits

-On RiverClan's side Graymist (who becomes a queen earlier here for the sake of convenience) nursed Swan alongside Sneeze and Mallow. Besides the feeding Swan spent most of her time hanging around and playing with Motha

-On ThunderClan's side, since Rosepetal is the medicine cat apprentice, Leafpool nurses and raises Golden. The entire Clan treats him like their kit though, especially his aunts Tawnystorm and Squirrelflight

-[Everything that happens this point happens in the actual arc]

-The 3 are Swanblaze, Goldenfern, and Crowstorm (Night and Feather's adopted son. He counts as part of the 3 bc Redtail (Sand's father) was half WindClan in this rewrite and his WindClan father also had Night and Crow's mother

-While both Swan and Golden knew they had a sibling in another Clan, they didnt officially meet until their 2nd gathering, when Moth and Acorn intoduced them to eachother

-Swanpaw met Crowpaw when Crow was chasing a rabbit and couldn't stop himself from falling into the river.

-Mothwing, who had taken Swanpaw on an outing to help her collect herbs, ended up saving him and bringing him back to camp while they waited for WindClan to come back and get him

-While Crow is intended to be Jayfeather's replacement here, he isn't blind. He is, however, deaf. He's still training to be a warrior though bc fuck canon

-Night, Feather, and Crow developed a sort of cat sign language they spread to WindClan to help make it easier for Crow

-It eventually ended up spreading to Bramble and Moth, who spread it to their Clans

-Different powers and shit

-Swan has a sort of foresight. She can tell whats going to happen a few moments before it happens. While she brushes it off as good instincts, when she develops it more later in the series her foresight stretches up to a moon in advance

-Golden still has super strength. He aint invincible tho cuz that was a horeible plot point

-Crow can see and speak to ghosts in the living world. Not just StarClan or dead cats, but any dead animal. If he wants to speak to a dead fox he 100% can

-The 3 still know about the prophecy due to Swan training as a med cat and accidently getting it (She eventually ends up dropping it and Willowshine becomes the med app instead)

-Sol comes in and then the eclipse happens

-Golden and Crow are 100% ready to trust this strange cat they met 2 days ago but Swan is like yo dudes wtf

-That whole plot point happens, Sol tries to go to ShadowClan, but Blackstar tells him to fuck off so he does

-Swanpaw ends up accidently killing him (tried to threaten him into leaving the Clans alone using the dunk and let breathe method, ended up drowning him). The guilt she feels from it is what causes her to drop being a medicine cat apprentice and become a warrior.

-Ashfur still had a crush on Squirrel and is extremely jealous of Tawny. He tries the whole fire scene thing with Haynose, but before he's even halfway done with his monologue he stops for 3 seconds, looks around him, and realizes just what the fuck he's trying to do

-He helps Squirrel and Hay out of the fire, apologizes profusely, and turns himself in to Sandstar, accepting whatever punishment she gives him

-Bramble 100% visits both Hay and Swan at least once a week. Sand and Stone have realized by now that stopping him wont work so they just allow it

-There's no huge gathering scene this time because there isn't a big secret to tell

-The arc does end, however, with Swan finding Stonestar's lifeless body laying in his den

4th arc (Omen of the Stars):

-[NOTE: This section is unfinished due to lack of ideas]

-The whole Stonestar's dead body thing is going to be addressed, but i just dont have any ideas for that so its not addressed for now

- Dove and Ivy are both spoiled rotten by their aunts and grandparents

-As such Dove gains a sorta "entitled" attitude. Like not full tantrum entitled, but getting moody/snappy when she doesnt get what she wants

-Ivy is the same way, just a bit less snapping and a bit more silent treatment

-Brambleflower!!!! Has kits!!! With Rowanclaw!!!

-Yes, I am a big fan of the trans Rowanclaw hc

-I am giving Bramble Tawny's canon mate

-why?

-bc its what he deserves

-Anyway, Their kits are Brindlekit/heart (Tigerheart), Dawnkit/shade (Dawnpelt), and Russetkit/tail (Flametail), who I am aging down bc in canon these 3 already have their full names

-Tawny and Squirrel 100% babysit from time to time

-Dark forest trainees stay the same, but this time add in Dovewing, Bumblestripe and Briarlight

-Haven't read, unable to make an outline

-Briarlight didnt make it in time to push Longtail out of the way, so Briarlight isnt paralyzed and Longtail is dead

-Bumblestripe still has a crush on Dovewing, but is way more lowkey and less "creepy" about it

-Swanblaze becomes mates with Minnowtail

-Acornleaf dies in the Last Hope

-So do Brambleflower, Goldenfern, Honeyfur, Graymist, Spiderleg, Applefur, Olivenose, Redwillow, Ferretclaw, Tallpoppy, Whitetail, Heathertail, Reedwhisker, Robinwing, Mosspelt, Pouncetail, and Dovewing

5th arc (A Vision of Shadows):

-[NOTE: This section is empty due to me not having finished this arc.]

6th arc (The Broken Code):

-[NOTE: This section is empty due to me not having read this arc]

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA FIC PROMPTS

A collection of all of the fic ideas from that ask game, as of now. I’ll throw in new ones if i get any and when I remember. Feel free to use any of them, I’d love a link if you did!

with hands to the sky, I beg (what will save us?)

Izuku is a god who asks to be reborn as a human to try and help. He is warned he can’t return to being a god and will join the mortal realm, ever reincarnated. He agrees.

Izuku is a child with faint memories of a life he never lived, who knows too much about the world but not enough about the people around him. He’s not listed as having a quirk but he’s never gotten sick, never been hurt. He scares the other children and the adults don’t like his precocious nature. Inko loves her little miracle.

 My Soul is Like a Supernova

Things happen around Izuku. Always have. Everything from earthquakes and villain attacks to miraculous healing and lottery wins. He’s always attracted big events like this - as if even the universe can see how important he is and it warps itself around him.

He sees this as perfectly normal. 1A is begining to notice a stressful pattern.

This one regret of mine

Character study of Inko and how she deeply regrets so many things she’s done in her life, from her husband, to giving up on her carrier, to telling Izuku he couldn’t be a hero and then letting him keep going to UA.

But no matter what she’d never regret her son.

Of souls and lost causes

A good ol’ Izuku sees dead people AU, focused more on his younger years when he’d wander around the city helping as many spirits as he could, only to return home at the end of the day exhausted and dirty to an increasingly worried mother who believed the doctor when he said seeing ghosts as a quirk would be impossible.

my life.your choice

Underground heroics AU (i dont think ive ever posted that au huh): Izuku is the well-known son of japan’s immortal emperor, All for One. Born quirkless, he’s been emotionally abused but violently protected his whole life by his father, his mother killed before his eyes for trying to take him away. He’s never been able to make a choice for himself save for his bodyguard - his childhood friend, Bakugo Katsuki.

Katsuki made a pledge to protect him when they were in kindergarten and he’ll be damned if he breaks it now. And if it takes the two of them joining the resistance, meeting a vigilante by the name of All Might thought long dead and Izuku receiving a near-mythical quirk? Well, that just makes it more exciting, doesn’t it?

I forgot that you existed

Izuku gets hit with a quirk that not only makes people forget him, it prevents them from seeing him as well - all but erasing him from reality for everyone he knows. He can still interact with things but all it manages to do is just UA shut down under fear of villain infiltration. They find Izuku 18 hours later when the quirk wears off - a motion tracking gun trained on his forehead.

certain uncertainties

No one can predict the quirks trapped in One for All or when they’ll show up. Anthology fic of Izuku discovering each of them, some being rather helpful, and at least one piece of merch being sent into a low orbit.

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Set in the same universe I wrote console reset in; during the two heroes movie: they never defeat Nine and he slaughters the whole island and his class, leaving Izuku till last. He comes back at the start of their first day on the island and doggedly makes friends with every islander he can because while it hurt seeming them die, it hurt even more knowing he’d never even learnt most of their names.

They win this time the first time they meet him, even if it’s a marathon fight of 8 hours with him and Bakugo doggedly wearing him down. No one dies. Izuku thinks it’s worth dying as many times as he has to to keep the people he loves smiling.

The immortality of the heroic spirit

One of the quirks in One for All is determination: if you have something you desperately want to do, you can’t die - no matter how much blood you lose or home many pieces your body is crushed into - you’ll just heal back to where you were before you died. All Might and Aizawa find this out to horrifying effect during a brutal villain fight they are stuck watching on the news with the rest of a terrified UA.

In hindsight this makes a lot of sense to Izuku. Aizawa wants to scream. All Might has coughed up more blood than is probably healthy and all of 1A bruised hands from where they were clutching each other’s when it got too tense.

Shine on you invincible legacy

Izuku becomes a top 10 hero before hes even out of high school, hitting No.2 the second he graduates and taking No.1 from Hawks literally the next time the ranking is counted. 1A will not stop throwing him parties each time he moves up in the ranking, even if in 3rd year it was every other week. All Might comes to ever one of them.

Shake the Dirt from Your Shoes

Izuku will be a hero and no one will stop him - an AU a fair bit like the beginning of canon except Izuku fights back, remains unending optimistic and maybe engages in a light bit of technically legal vigilantism, accidentally befriending a vast array of heroes and a student or two.

To his horror, they recognise him out of costume as soon as he speaks to them, resulting in a very eventful first day at UA.

do you feel with a heart of steel

Original Sin AU, young Izuku finding feeling emotions difficult and not knowing why. He finds a dying animal on the way home and sits with it, patting it until it passes away. He doesn’t think he feels anything, but his cheeks feel wet.

all you want is milk and honey

Villains have been trying to use Izuku his entire life, much to his annoyance and confusion (I wonder who in his family might make him known to villains? hm). He’s gotten very good at being intimidating, even as a child.

When he gets kidnapped with Bakugo on a primary school field trip he decides to hell with it and breaks out all the stops. Turns out villains don’t tend to want a 10-year-old who can describe in great detail how they would hang you with your own intestines.

Bakugo decides that fuck Izuku being quirkless, he’s kind of amazing.

Even the stars

Izuku dies young and no one but the stars cry for him. They bring him back, but his body is cold and he has a nova burning where his heart should be. A four-year-old who has known death and walked among the stars is a terrifying thing. His skin has a shimmer to it, his eyes look like planets with no visible pupil, and he knows far too much.

The stars still speak to him, and they see everything.

bitter dreams and optimistic nightmares

Bakugo and Izuku grow up good friends, until Izuku is taken by villains age 9.

Bakugo’s determined to be a hero to save Izuku, even if it hurts to be at UA without him.

Izuku hates hurting people but he’s determined to make the most of his horrible situation by leaking information to heroes whenever he can. He’s given to All for One to serve as a lab hand to the doctor when All for One finds out this rag tag outpost of his had been hiding a valuable resource.

They meet at the USJ.

Mind Games for Two Shinsou and Izuku are both gen ed students in the same class, but with Shinsou stubbornly refusing to make friends and Izuku being the vice president they are almost strangers. UA has a no quirkless students policy and Shinsou has accidentally discovered that he student in his class with an analysis quirk, doesn’t, actually, have one. Izuku is aware Shinsou knows. They both want to get into the hero course but are under the impression there is only one spot.

It’s tense.

The Melody Stuck in My Soul

Izuku has an empathy/emotional control quirk that hears other’s emotions like music. He uses this both to read people, to defend himself, and, because hes Izuku, to ramp up his adrenaline/motivation/anger to kick ass. He and Bakugo are friends because baby Bakugo was lowkey impressed Izuku managed to weaponize his tears.

Advantage of the musical element: it gives him something concrete to latch on to and change, and it was very easy to work out which emotions were which. Also he has his own theme song, even if he’s the only one who can hear it.

Disadvantage: He cant turn it off. The stronger the emotion the ‘louder’ the music (it doesn’t cover up natural sounds because its not technically there, you get me?)

Error 404, childhood not found

A Hero’s Son AU, snapshot’s of Izuku’s childhood with No.1 Hero All for One as his abusive father.

Age 4 when his quirk never comes in and All for One abandons all pretences of loving him. Age 6 when he realises his son is intelligent and has a use as a lab assistant for the doctor. Age 8 when Bakugo first realises something is wrong. Age 9 when his father is almost killed by the No.1 villain All Might. Age 9 when he’s made to work in the labs with the doctor.

Age 14 when he meets All Might. Age 15 when he makes it into UA.

Darkness Growing (The Light Ever Smaller)

Villains take over Japan after the current arc, leaving all heroes and students that don’t switch sides on the run. 1A is instantly separated with a few of them  being killed, most of the living students with Aizawa and Izuku and Bakugo by themselves, both too stubborn to leave the other.

Aizawa is desperately trying to get to Izuku and Bakugo in an attempt to keep them safe, while the two of them are avoiding Aizawa to keep the rest of their class safe(er), all while avoiding the villains, turncoat heroes and police out to get them. Public support is spotty at best with anyone found ‘harboring a criminal’ given the same punishment as the hero.

Lost soul of last hope

The first wielder has been Izuku’s imaginary friend since he can remember. He’s not very imaginary.

Featuring Izuku with the world’s strangest older brother, Inko coming to the realisation her son can see a ghost, but only one ghost and no one will believe them, Izuku’s quirk being listed as Inko’s because the first wielder can help him fake it, and Izuku wondering why first looks so much like that picture of his father on his mother’s bedside table.

The kids the system failed

100% The 1A run aways au with 1A, Aizawa and Mic being runaways kids of various ages that band together to stay alive and maybe do a little vigilante work on the side.

Izuku has All for One and uses it like you’d expect a traumatised kid to - cautiously at first but when he gets the hang of it there are suddenly no more criminals with quirks in their area, and it looks suspiciously like Uraraka can fly.

Just a second to soon? For the Fic thing?

Aizawa struggles and gets knocked out just before Shigaraki lunges at Tsuyu. She and Izuku are left horribly injured by his quirk with massive facial scarring, and in Tsuyu’s case, the loss of an eye.

Daze

An illusion/fear quirk makes his teachers look like villains and convinces him he’s in danger. They try and stop him without hurting him but it’s difficult considering Izuku is convinced he’s protecting his friends, considering he can only see them broken and bloodied with villains he thought were locked away loaming over them.

Even as Aizawa cuts out his quirk Izuku still tries to shield his friends, snarling ferally.

Morning Glories and Forget-me-nots

A memory quirk of unknown duration hits Izuku, leaving him remembering none of his life. 1A starts to fall apart without one of their pillar’s.

hopeless but not broken

The Long Con au where Izuku asks All Might if he could be a hero without a quirk - he’s really asking if he can stop pretending to be a villain, if he’s worth anything without the quirks he’s been given, if he’s worth something as himself rather than the limited use he can provide. He doesn’t know how to say all of that, so he just asks if he could be a hero.

All Might says no. And Izuku basically decides right then that the only way he’ll ever be able to help people is by being a mole for the heroes like he’s been since he was 10 - that he isn’t worth anything because he’s quirkless and to be considered just as valuable as the people around him are he needs to give his life and more.

He shows up to the bar crying because of All Might and Shigaraki moves his murder plot forward a few months.

Sunflowers and Summer Gardens

All Might starts a garden on campus and 1A like to help. He uses it as a nice place to chill and as physical therapy. He likes to give the different classes bunches of flowers when they sprout.

For Dos and For Donts

Izuku runs into some of his old bullies when out with some of his friends. Uraraka, Iida, Todoroki, Shinsou and Asui intimidate the fuck out of them, and Izuku realises hes not scared of them any more. Then they get frozen yoghurt!

your mistakes, my unbecoming

Aizawa assigns a project on quirk related issues, Izuku ends up with quirkless discrimination, Aizawa assumes his discomfort is just him being upset he doesn’t get to talk about quirks. He doesn’t realise his mistake until he finds Izuku dissociating on the roof.

one and one into the vast

Original Sin AU, All for One and Izuku seeing the vestiges together. One for All sees his brother for the first time and Izuku learns a lot about the voice in his head.

All for One has a mini-crisis about his not son learning he’s a horrific villain, especially considering he has the power to cast his soul out at any time, killing him at will. Izuku doesn’t kill him. He admits its probably not right of him to let AfO remain considering the things he’s done, but All for One is a part of him now and it would be like killing a friend.

All for One quietly decides to hold off on the villainy until all of 1A is dead, for Izuku’s sake.

between the stars of our souls

Izuku and All Might are old gods who keep getting reborn into human forms with their memories regained when they turn 4. Normally finding each other takes a while, and their last reincarnation they never found each other, so this time he resolves to make himself as easy to find as possible, all while saving as many people as he can.

Izuku, aged 4, memories fresh in his head, makes it his mission to get into contact with the man he knows is his father/mentor’s reincarnation. All Might’s agency was not expecting a 4 year old to repeatedly try breaking in to their office, and they especially weren’t expecting him to be so good at it.

you really should have thought this through

Different (and ill-advised) attempts at special moves or team up combo moves. Featuring:

Izuku managing to break Kirishima’s nose.

Uraraka sending Bakugo so high he broke the sound barrier coming back down to earth.

Kaminari and Shouto managing to electrify ice.

Izuku, Todoroki and Bakugo levelling a whole suburb (at least it was condemned???)

I'll Break Anything You Give Me

Different times Izuku desperately tried to repair his relationship with Izuku over the years and the one time Bakugo fully grasps how much he fucked up and reaches out his hand to try to fix it for the first time. Probably includes a lot of screaming, Bakugo learning how to say sorry, a field trip and them having a conversation on Aldera’s roof.

Sinking

One for All kind of possesses Izuku during a quiet night at the dorms. One for All, made of 8 people, 7 of which are dead and had their last experiences in life be rather painful and violent, breaks down, Izuku alone not enough to drown them out. They lash out at anyone who tries to touch them, their quirks tearing Izuku’s body apart.

All Might’s vestige reaches out a hand to Izuku to keep his mind from being torn apart as 1A set about both trying to protect Izuku and get Aizawa who was off campus on patrol.

Feat. Bakugo and All Might being the only people with any idea about what’s going on and getting more and more stressed each second that passes. Iida, Uraraka and Todoroki being good heroes and even better friends. Blood King deciding he’s never watching 1A for Aizawa again, and Aizawa deciding he’s never leaving 1A alone ever again.

A Long Way From Home

Shirakumo wakes up in Kurogiri’s body in Tartarus with only shadowed memories of his time as a villain. He’s scared and alone and he just wants to see his friends again, even if he’s scared they hate him because at least that’s something he knows.

Too Far Gone

The other side AU, it comes out Izuku is a villain with (knockoff) All for One and he has a showdown with Mirio. He and Izuku trained together under All Might and Mirio tries to plead with him but Izuku has to basically tell him to go to hell to not ruin his placet as crown prince of the underworld.

Of course, he’s not only doing this to save people, he’s also doing it with All Might’s blessing - taking over from All Might himself serving as a villain after he killed All for One to prevent a power vacuum.

Doesn’t mean that his friends in 1A know that.

Snowy hills and sunlit peaks

Probably an AU about All Might being a mountain spirit with a little shrine that Izuku is the only one who visits - Izuku gets in trouble and All Might manifests himself, saves him, and tells everyone to keep their hands off his human son.

Wilting

Izuku gets sick and he tries to hide it because he’s scared its something serious but he just gets worse and worse. His friends are the ones who eventually step in and comfort him.

I’d probably write two endings with one being a bad end and the other a good end.

My wish came true without me realising 

Izuku wakes up one morning, comes downstairs and just starts crying. Everyone panics and he reassures them they are happy tears and that he's just glad to be here. They all call him sappy and give him a hug. Later in the day he and Bakugo chat and Izuku reveals he never even expected to live this long, let alone become a hero. Bakugo grumbles that he’s too stubborn to die, and not to get too cocky. Izuku promises he wont.

[oreoambitions]

The Aftermath

I felt like maybe we could all use a version of this story with a happier ending.

"Lex is dead. I shot him. Jess is taking care of it."

Lena sweeps into the room with those words, already shrugging her bag off of her shoulder. She has eyes only for the figure in Supergirl's arms, but Supergirl has eyes only for her, her declaration playing on a loop in her head.

"Lena, I- I killed Lex."

"Luthors are like cockroaches: you think you've got them handled until they come crawling out of the walls again. Don't worry; I made sure of it this time." She's tapping to life the machines next to the medbay bed when she spares a sharp glance for Supergirl. "He told me everything before he died. About you. Put her on the bed, please."

Supergirl doesn't move. "About me?"

"There's a life on the line here, Kara. A little bit of urgency would be appropriate."

So that's that then. Kara tries to ignore the sudden wave of nausea but it's overwhelming. She stumbles the last few steps to the bed. Linda is breathing, but just barely. Alex mouths something in Kara's direction, but Kara shakes her head. No she's not okay. No she doesn't know what to say. No it doesn't matter right now.

"What's her name?" Lena asks. Alex starts to answer, but Lena looks pointedly at Kara.

"Linda Lee," Kara says. "Lex named her."

Lena cocks an eyebrow. "What a terrible fucking name," she murmurs. "Alex, prep an IV for me please."

"Lena," Kara begins.

Lena holds up a hand. "Don't."

Kara doesn't.

Linda wakes on a Thursday morning feeling like hell. The inside of her mouth tastes like the smell of blood and her bones feel like splinters and she's so weak she shakes just from the effort of sitting up. But she wakes, which is honestly more than she was expecting.

And Kara is there, which feels so impossible that for a moment Linda wonders if she's woken after all.

Linda doesn't have to say anything; the change in her breathing alone was enough to alert Kara, and so Kara is already pouring a glass of water by the time Linda is upright to drink it. They sit there quietly, watching one another, while Linda takes sip after slow sip. Linda looks at her and tries to see the enemy. She wonders if Kara is looking at her and trying to see the same.

"Lex is dead," Linda says. It's not a question. If Kara is sitting next to her and they are both still free then Lex's death is the inevitable conclusion.

"He is," Kara agrees. And then, "I'm sorry."

"I'm not sorry," Linda says. She looks away. There are tears in Kara's eyes, and that's making tears threaten her eyes, and she's not about to be weak in front of Kara fucking Danvers even after everything. "He was not a good man."

"He was your family," Kara replies.

Linda takes another sip of water to be sure that her voice will be steady when she answers, "He wanted me to think he was."

Kara reaches out, hesitant, her eyes on Linda's as she slowly, slowly takes her hand. When Linda doesn't pull away, she squeezes. "You have a new family now."

Linda doesn't believe her.

It takes three more days, but Linda is finally able to sit up for long stretches and even walk the short distance to the bathroom without help. Her powers are coming back incrementally and she waits warily for Alex or Kara to tell her what it is they want from her. What if they ask her to retaliate against Kaznia? None of what Lex did was Kaznia's fault. But they don't ask her to do anything, and they don't ask her to leave, and the longer they simply allow her to recover the more anxious she becomes.

Alex and Kara arrive together one evening and Linda is sure this is it. She can walk all the way down the hall and back now, and her super hearing is returning, and it's about time to tell her to what purpose the United States will be putting her so that she can focus her efforts as she retrains. Alex and Kara are looking at one another conspiratorially and Kara is hiding something behind her back. Linda sits up and resigns herself to her fate.

"You can say no," Alex begins.

Oh Rao, here it is.

"Oh but why would you want to," Kara says. She dumps a pile of bright plastics onto Linda's bed, like books but slender and light, no pages, a puzzle. "Since you can't leave the DEO yet we thought we'd bring our weekly Danvers Movie Night to you. So go ahead, pick one!"

Linda doesn't know what a movie is, but Kara looks over the moon and Alex looks... indulgent. Linda plucks a plastic book out of the pile at random and offers it to Kara, who does a fist pump.

"Yes! I love Brave! Scoot over; we gotta order pizza."

Linda doesn't know what pizza is either, but Kara is worming her way into bed next to her, and Alex is pulling up a chair, and suddenly Linda is in the middle of a war:

"Pineapple does NOT go on pizza I am NOT having it." Alex makes a grab for Kara's phone. "It's an abomination!"

"You have to let Linda decide that for herself, she- give me that back! We can get two pizzas, gosh!"

"What is pineapple?" Linda asks.

Both Danvers stare at her for a moment.

"Okay," Alex agrees, "We can get two pizzas."

Lena is still the most beautiful woman Linda has ever seen, which is difficult because Lena, like everything else, is Kara's. It chafes. Linda doesn't want to talk to her at first, mumbles in answer to all of her questions, won't make eye contact, hates the way her heartrate picks up every time Lena touches her, hates the fact that Kara, leaning against the wall on the other side of the room can hear it. Lena never looks at Kara, and Kara never looks away, and Linda feels trapped in the middle of it.

The first time Lena comes to visit without Kara or Alex on her heels, Linda thinks of it as a trap. Lena is, after all, a Luthor. Maybe she's the one who will want to put Linda's powers to good use.

Lena doesn't touch her this time, doesn't ask medical questions or examine any of Linda's charts. She pulls up a chair and starts digging around in her bag.

"The unfortunate thing about being a Super," she says, "Is that there aren't a lot of people you can talk to about what you've been through." She smiles a tight smile. "Part of keeping so many secrets, right? Not unlike being a Luthor."

"Okay," Linda says. She fiddles with her own fingers, hands clasped in her lap.

Lena pulls a book from her bag and holds it gingerly, tracing the spine, not quite looking at Linda. "Lex gave me my first journal when I was a child, and, well. Every Luthor keeps one. I thought- I know you're not really- Kara said he was family to you, and that makes you family to me, so I thought I would continue the tradition." She holds the book out. "For you. For when you don't feel like you have anyone to talk to."

Linda turns the book over in her hands, admires the soft leather cover, the thick pages. She says nothing; there are tears lodged in her throat and she doesn't want to let them out. Lena fidgets for a moment, and then she stands up.

"Well, I'm needed in the lab, so. I'll leave you to your rest."

She's almost out the door when Linda says, "Thank you."

Lena freezes, her hand still on the doorframe, but she doesn't look back.

When Linda is strong enough to work in the gym, they introduce her to her new sparring partner. Nia is... odd. Goofy. Charming. Until she wants to throw down, and then not so much. She's more than a match for Linda with her powers still recovering, and it's nice to fight with someone who can keep up just for the ache and the joy if it. Linda tries not to think about the day she murdered Kara for Lex, but the first time she puts Nia on her back it all comes rushing in and she cries.

Nia sits with her and doesn't press her to talk about it, and Linda finds that she doesn't so much mind that Nia saw her in a moment of discomposure. When Alex tries to check up on them, Nia uses her body to block her view and sends her away with stern words.

"Have you tried ice cream yet?" she asks when Linda finally pulls herself back together.

"I don't know what that is," Linda admits.

"Oh man, I am about to absolutely blow your mind."

The first time Linda leaves the DEO it's with Nia and Kara.

"You can't wear DEO sweats forever," Nia says, one arm comfortably around Linda's waist. "And you'll feel better when you feel more like yourself."

Linda doesn't know what it really means to feel like herself. Kara drags her through the aisles and it's all overwhelming and bright and impractical. None of the pants have pockets. All of the shirts are too tight in the shoulders. Until at last Nia puts a hand on Kara's shoulder.

"I think I know what we need," she says. She leads them to the men's athletic section, and Linda discovers muscle tanks. This she can work with. She leaves with a bag full of athletic clothing and two pairs of jeans with real pockets and two button down shirts which make Kara smile.

"I have some old things you might like," she says. "I can bring them by some time?"

"You don't have to do that," Linda says. She already owes so much to these people, and to Kara especially. She’s already afraid of what it will take to pay it all back.

Nia smacks Linda playfully on the shoulder. “You have to let people be nice to you sometimes,” she chastises.

Linda doesn’t know what that really means either.

The days pass, and Linda gets stronger, and still no one tells her what it is they want from her. It’s a needle under her skin, a constant prickling anxiety that ticks up every time someone comes into the room until the day the world upends itself. She’s sitting in the sun bed writing in her journal when Alex brings a new visitor into the medbay, and Lena is beautiful, but the woman standing in the doorway is a vision, a goddess, a... Linda is running out of descriptors. In fact, she's not sure she remembers any words in any language whatsoever. The woman ushers a teenager into the room and then stands aside to let Alex pass. She looks at Linda with a curious expression.

"Kara...?"

Linda knows perfectly well that Kara is on the bridge, that this woman would have to have walked past her to get to the medbay.

Alex straightens up. "Oh! Right. Sam, this is Linda, Kara's other sister. Linda, this is Sam Arias. She's... a friend."

Linda is too busy tasting the name Sam Arias in her mouth to stumble over the word sister.

"And I'm Ruby," the teenager says, throwing herself down on a vacant bed and sticking out her arm. "Can we get this over with?"

Alex rummages in a drawer for the large bore needles Linda has come to learn the DEO keeps on hand for drawing Krpytonian blood. She sits up a little straighter, her interest suddenly piqued. Sam takes the vacant bed beside Linda's and rolls up her own sleeve.

"You might as well get a sample from me too," she says.

Alex pauses, needle still in her hand. "Lena said she already tested you."

"Yes, well." Sam glances at Linda, smiles a little, glances away. "I asked her to say that."

Alex sighs but she doesn't comment. She busies herself with Ruby, laughing with her, easing her through the process. Linda notes with approval that Ruby doesn't flinch when the needle goes in. Sam doesn't fidget while she waits, but she keeps stealing glances at Linda and looking away when Linda catches her.

"Who are you?" Linda asks at last.

Sam shifts uneasily in her bed. Alex moves over to her with a fresh needle, pulling on a fresh pair of gloves.

"It's a long story," she says.

"Mom was the vessel of an old Kryptonian god of destruction," Ruby supplies.

"I'd like to hear more about that some time," Linda says.

Alex gives her a slightly dirty look.

Sam comes back alone a few days later when Linda is training alone in the gym. She very nearly outmatches Nia now; she stays late after their sessions to work herself harder, seeking exhaustion, waiting to feel strong. Sam watches her for a while and then starts undoing the buttons on her shirt. Linda is pretty sure she's going to die if she sees any more skin, and so she looks away, willing herself not to flush.

"Wanna fight?" Sam asks, stripped down to a sports bra. She reaches up to pull her hair back.

"I could hurt you," Linda protests.

"I seriously doubt that."

Sam wins their first fight. And their second. Maybe Linda lets her win the third because there is something aching and good about Sam pinning her to the ground, knees on either side of her hips, so close that Linda can taste her breath.

"Yield?" Sam asks. Her eyes are on Linda's mouth.

Linda licks her lips without thinking about it. "Okay," she says.

The story about Reign comes out in bits and pieces between bouts. About the people she killed, how she nearly killed Kara, how she tried to kill Lena. How she packed it all away as soon as Reign was dead and pretended it never happened.

"You had a responsibility," Linda admonishes her. "You could have been there to help make things right."

Sam bows her head. "I know. But I'm here now."

They sit together on the floor, backs against the wall, sweaty and tired. Linda looks at her out of the corner of her eye, those soft brown eyes, slender hands, hard expression.

"So you and Alex," Linda comments, suddenly intensely interested in the wall on the other side of the gym.

Sam laughs. "Once, maybe, but that ship has sailed. She's with Kelly now, and I..." Sam looks at Linda, and then looks away fast. Too fast. "I have my eye on someone else."

Ruby's results come back and confirm what everyone already knows: she's half Kryptonian. The Arias women announce that they'll be moving to National City so that Ruby can be closer to the DEO for training and guidance. Alex announces that Linda is ready to move out of the medbay.

Lena immediately offers her a home. "I have more room than I need and it's like I said: we're family. I'm not going to leave you to figure the world out alone."

Kara glowers at her. "She's not alone."

"I know, darling," Lena says.

Kara flushes at the pet name and stammers. Linda and Alex share an exasperated look from across the room.

"What do you want me to do?" Linda asks. "I have my strength back. I'm ready."

This time it's Kara and Lena who exchange a look. "Ready for what?" Kara asks.

"Whatever it is you wanted me for," Linda says. She holds out her hands, helpless. "You didn't put me back together for nothing."

Lena squeezes her shoulder. "We put you back together so that you could live. What you choose to do with that is really up to you. But we have time; you don't have to figure it all out now."

Linda stares at them each in turn. Kara looks angry. Alex looks confused. The tears threaten to catch in her throat again. "I am a weapon," she says, reciting words from what feels like another life. "A weapon is a tool. A tool must have-"

"Lex is gone," Lena interrupts. Kara is clenching her jaw, tears threatening to spill over, hands trembling. Weeks ago Linda would have thought her weak. Now, she is not so sure. "You have incredible power, but that doesn’t make you a weapon. Like Sam and Kara, you get to decide what to do with your gifts; if you don't want to fight, you don't have to."

Linda thinks of Sam sitting against the gym wall, eyes closed, voice full of regret. I'm here now.

"I want to," Linda says. Her voice breaks. She clears her throat. "I want to help."

Kara cries.

Linda's belongings all fit into the backpack slung over her shoulder when Kara and Alex come to pick her up from the DEO.

"Get in, loser," Alex says.

Linda breathes a laugh; Mean Girls is the last movie they watched together.

It seems ridiculous to get in the car when she can just fly to Lena's, but Alex and Kara have been adamant and conspiratorial about this, so she complies. It is generally not worth fighting Kara on something once she starts to pout about it, and it's generally not worth fighting Alex on anything at all. When they agree on something, well, you might as well give up all together.

So she sits in the back seat and she doesn't comment when they leave National City behind. She watches the countryside flash by and she listens to Alex and Kara sing along loudly - and, in Alex's case, badly - to the radio. Kara punctuates almost every song with a story, and the two of them fight over who gets to choose the playlist when the radio signal gives out and Kara plugs her phone into the stereo.

They stop for gas and Kara buys Linda a sausage wrapped in bread and smothered in beans and cheese, which she refers to as "the king of all road trip meals" and which looks to Linda like vomit just waiting to happen. It turns out to be delicious; they make Alex buy them all a second round.

And then before Linda knows it the sun is sinking into that long golden hour and they are passing out of thick forests into a valley to the tunes of Death Cab for Cutie and Kara grins at her in the rearview mirror and says they've almost arrived. They pass a sign that reads Welcome to Midvale and Linda realizes with a jolt of fear where they're going.

Alex turns around in the passenger's seat to pat Linda's leg. "Hey," she says. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

But Linda is terrified when they pull up to the little house, the feeling of not belonging creeping her spine, her hands stuffed deep into her pockets, her heart racing. A woman comes out of the house before Kara has even locked the car. Linda can see something of Alex in her features.

"Hi mom," Alex says as the older woman ushers her in for a hug. Warm light and the sound of tinny classical music drift out of the open kitchen window to where Linda fidgets in the driveway. Kara hugs Elize too, and then Alex is pushing Linda forward, and Linda thinks maybe she's going to throw up those chili dogs after all.

Eliza smiles at her and holds out her arms. Linda glances at Kara, who nods encouragingly, and then steps gingerly into the embrace. It's... not terrible. Kind of nice. Eliza lets go and pats her on the shoulder.

"C'mon," Kara whispers. She tugs Linda by the forearm. "I'll show you our room. Oh, and Streaky! You're going to love him."

"Dinner's almost ready," Eliza says, "So you girls just go and wash up now."

Alex laughs when Linda sets the silverware out backwards, and Kara flicks kernels of corn at her with a grin when Eliza isn't looking, and Linda feels warmer than she thinks she's ever felt. When everyone is seated, and drinks are poured, and food is served, Eliza smiles at them across the table.

"It's so nice to have my girls home for the weekend," she says. She looks at Linda with a twinkle in her eye. "All three of you."

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

[mandaloriangf]

okay. tlou2 spoilers will be under the cut. im having a hard time with writing this because i really do feel like a lot of people need to be warned about some of the contents to this game, but any trigger warnings would be an inherent spoiler. so if you only want to know about trigger warnings and the spoilers that come with it, please feel free to pm or ask off anon and i’ll let you know.

everything else is under the cut

seriously. be warned. 

so i want to preface this by saying i have seen video and photos that confirm the leaks. i haven’t seen proof of everything, but i’ve seen enough to be inclined to believe everything. there’s been conflicting reports about certain aspects so some you’ll have to take with a grain of salt since i dont have proof of those things.

(also this is kind of jumbled since im upset and im finding a lot of new stuff every time i look at twitter, so i’ll make more posts if i find anything else out)

anyway, a month ago the plot was supposedly leaked on 4chan, but it was so stupid that no one believed it. sound familiar? im sensing a pattern here. 

video began getting leaked yesterday and spread like wildfire. rumor has it a disgruntled naughty dog employee did it. for those unaware, recently the company was exposed for crunching their employees and horrible working conditions. 

this is the 4chan leak

since its hard to read heres a summary:

the muscle lady is named abby. she is the daughter of one of the surgeons joel killed. she vows revenge against joel since it destroyed her life. theres a cult that ellie, dina, and jesse are sent to go take care of, but jesse dies. 

ellie goes out for revenge which takes her to seattle where she ends up running into abby. abby kills joel. (i can confirm that joel dies. i have seen video of it and a picture of ellie at his grave.) ellie is captured and kills a bunch of abby’s people in her escape. 

the second half of the game you play abby hunting down ellie. in the end, abby and ellie fight. ive seen the video of it and its honestly really violent. at one point abby takes dina by the hair and smashes her face multiple times. its super awful to watch, honestly, and i can stomach a lot. according to this leak, as abby, you kill ellie and its implied that then ellie’s people will hunt abby down, thus a circle of revenge. 

okay so. yeah. a bunch of that has been confirmed. 

i will say that one thing that doesn’t add up is that jesse and joel die at the same time. i just saw a cutscene between ellie and dina where dina confirms this. she also says “we have a family.” theres been a persistent rumor since yesterday that dina is pregnant with jesse’s kid and wants to raise the baby with ellie, so that all adds up. 

i cannot confirm or deny that ellie and dina die. i have not seen that happen, but its still possible. 

so yeah. its a fucking mess and im not wasting $60 on this shit. not when nd is already treating their employees like shit. this feels JUST like tlj/tros and endgame all over again. 

for anyone that hasn’t played the first game but wants to know why this sucks so bad, heres a brief summary.

joel is a single father to his 12 year old daughter sarah at the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. sarah is killed by a solider and dies in his arms, sending him down into depression and violence. 

decades later, joel is older and hardened, working as a smuggler. he is hired by a militia group called the fireflies to smuggle 14 year old ellie out of the city since she is immune and they want to make a cure/vaccine. 

the story follows the two of them as they travel across the united states, meeting other survivors and growing as a pair. at first joel is cold and quiet while ellie is bouncy and energetic. they bond over their year together and become father/daughter. at the end, they get to the fireflies, but because the infection grows on the brain, they’d have to kill her. joel massacres his way through the fireflies and saves her. he brings her back to his brother’s settlement and lies, saying that there’s bunch more immunes so they dont need her. when she asks him if everything he’s said is true, he tells her it is and she goes, “okay.” 

i know its hard to understand how amazing the game is from that, but trust me. they’ve taken one of the best developed relationships in video games and they’ve butchered it. troy was right when he said people will either love it or hate it.