#'It's Not the Years Honey - It's the Mileage'

[bookish-bogwitch]

Boyo in the Old Country, Part 4: Boyo Goes Home

Baz spent the rest of his Sicily trip exploring Ortigia and its surroundings. Here’s a city park feat. random Greek temple ruins.

Also feat. this bus. Volkswagen, 1979, Groovy Tiger—lovely.

The absolute highlight of Baz’s trip was the Neapolis Archaeological Park on the outskirts of Siracusa. Here he is in the Ear of Dionysus, which was one of the coolest things he’s ever seen.

Baz would have liked to visually convey the magic of the space. However, he surprised himself (but no one else) by being such an unhinged frothing-at-the-mouth Indiana Jones fan that he got overexcited and forgot to take any more pictures. You’ll just have to imagine it.

Baz capped off his trip by watching the sun set over Siracusa harbor.

Then paying one last visit to his favorite Ortigian.

Ciao, bello.

_______

Stay tuned for bonus content: Boyo behind the scenes

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

'It's Not the Years, Honey - It's the Mileage'

a Whumped Doctor Strange one-shot

Inspired by a couple of pre Multiverse of Madness articles comparing Stephen Strange to Indiana Jones😉😁

genre: whump, hurt/comfort, light humor

rating: general audience

characters: Stephen Strange, Tess O'Neill (Healer of Kamar-Taj, OFC); established relationship; Cloak of Levitation

word count: 1.9k

It was supposed to have been date night, but Stephen was overdue. Three hours overdue. Again. Tess had taken these things in stride, right from the start. After all, you can’t be lucky enough to be the significant other of the Sorcerer Supreme without being incredibly patient, understanding, and flexible. Besides which, he was always so adorable when he finally found his way home, sincere in his apologies, and more often than not, presenting her with a fresh bouquet, which he managed to conjure even before he uttered a single word. Tonight’s transgression was bound to be a two dozen roses mea culpa--and she just knew he’d make them her favorite: pale pink American Beauties.

Not that he ever needed to. His company was dear enough recompense for any time he kept her waiting. Except for the worrying, of course, but Tess had quickly adjusted to that, and so far she hadn’t made any complaint, no matter how late her Stephen managed to show up. She’d rather spend their precious time on more pleasant pursuits--and on showing him however she could, how happy he made her simply by being...him. 

And so, Tess had adjusted down their plans. First, from dinner out and a movie, to take-out and the latest blu-ray release. And then from that, to something she could whip up, quick and easy, in the Sanctum’s smaller kitchen. Stephen was bound to be hungry when he arrived, and she had a hearty pot of stew simmering on the stove and a batch of honey cornbread ready to pop into the oven while he cleaned up. 

Tess had just given the stew another stir, when she felt a tapping on her shoulder. She turned to find Cloak looking battle singed and...well...harried. How this being without a face could express such a wide range of emotions was a continual wonder to her--but right now her immediate reaction was to ask if Stephen was alright. 

Cloak’s collar shook a clear ‘no’, and then it tugged at her arm, to get her moving. She turned off the stove and moved the stewpot to another burner, and followed Cloak down the grand staircase. And there sat Stephen on the third step, head bowed and shoulders hunched, his bloodstained tunic rent in several places. Tess’s heart leapt to her throat, though she tried to remain calm, realizing that he needed her as a Healer tonight, far more than as the woman who loved him. 

She dropped to one knee in front of him, noting that the shelf of his jaw bore a dark bruise, and that he had a nasty cut across the bridge of his nose, a black eye and a split lip. “Hey,” she said softly, reaching her sure hands towards him, studying his wounds with practiced eyes, evaluating which she should address first. Thankfully, the blood on his clothing was dried, so that Tess concluded he wasn’t actively bleeding. “What happened,” she asked quietly, concerned to see him breathe shallowly, as breathing any deeper appeared to make him wince. 

“You don’t wanna know,” he muttered, as she placed both of her palms on his chest and closed her eyes, searching for any internal damage. 

“Ow...ow...ow...owwwwwwww,” he grumbled, “Is this really necessary?” 

Cloak was flitting back and forth, giving the closest approximation of pacing as possible. “It certainly is, as well you know...Doctor.” To that he only grunted, then followed with a heavy groan when she palpated his lower ribs and abdomen. “Stephen,” she informed him patiently, “You’ve got at least three cracked ribs...” 

“I know,” he replied curtly, “Don’t you think I know that?”

Tess tried to placate him. “Of course you do--but there’s no need to be pissy about it. It’ll just take a simple healing spell to start them knitting properly together.” 

“I...know,” he repeated through gritted teeth, attempting to stand. Cloak had to swoop in to keep him from landing hard on his bottom. 

Tess rose and wiped her hands on her denim capris. “Cloak, can you get him up to the infirmary, so I can take care of him properly?” 

Cloak nodded, but Stephen had other ideas. “No infirmary--just get me to my room...” 

Honestly, doctors really do make the worst patients, she thought, although she held her tongue, telling Stephen instead, “Nope. It’s the infirmary for you.” He huffed, but didn’t speak up. “And that’s Healer’s orders, Stephen. I outrank you in this, at least for the moment...” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled dismissively. He handed her his sling ring, “We can portal there--it’ll be quicker and a less bumpy trip than relying on...” He wagged his head in Cloak’s direction. 

Tess had to suppress a chuckle, as Cloak’s reaction to that perceived insult was to turn its back to Stephen. “Alright,” she sighed, slipping his ring on and bringing the golden circle to life. She returned to his side and offered him a hand to help him stand up. “Just lean on me, and we’ll be there in a jiffy.” 

She could feel his aversion to appearing so needy, even as he braced himself with an arm across her shoulders, but knew well that it wasn’t on her account. Stephen generally disliked showing weakness to anyone, although as their relationship had blossomed, his trust in her had been enough for him to reveal much of what he hid from the world behind sarcasm and bravado. Tess had always taken such precious trust as both a privilege and an honor. Stiff lipped against his pain and leaning on her heavily, they hobbled through the portal and Tess led him to sit on the nearest bed. 

The infirmary was empty but for them, and she took a moment to close the portal, and then rushed to gather her supplies. Disinfectant and a basin of warm water, along with a washcloth and the softest, fluffiest towel she could conjure, for after she got him cleaned up. And bandages. Lots and lots of bandages. Tess returned to Stephen’s side to find him struggling to remove his tunic. She set down her things, telling him, “Here...let me...” 

“I’ve...got...this.” he grunted, though it was clearly hurting him to raise his arms above his head. 

“No. No you don’t,” she corrected him gently, “Please--just let me do my job, Stephen.” 

“Alright...alright...” He did his best to relax as she worked the garment over his head and off. Tess gasped at the network of contusions across his shoulders and upper chest. “Dammit, Tess...that hurts!” 

“I know, darling. I know.” To her relief, most of his bruises appeared superficial. “Let’s start by getting you cleaned up, okay.” Stephen nooded, and closed his eyes as she washed the cut on his nose, and several shallow scratches on his cheeks and chin, finally seeing to the split on his lower lip. 

Next, she addressed the wounds on his back, circling behind him and perching on the edge of the bed. She was relieved again to find that they were rather shallow as well, and made quick work of cleansing them. Tess chose that moment to speak to him as his woman, rather than as a Healer. “You know--you’re extremely fit for a man your age, darling. But it wouldn’t hurt to be a little more careful out there.”

“It’s not the years, honey...” he snorted, “...it’s the mileage...” Stephen had stiffened despite her gentle approach, but when she applied the disinfectant, he hissed out a string of very un-Stephen-like curses. 

“Don’t be such a baby,” she muttered, her patience beginning to strain.

“I’m not,” he responded petulantly. 

Coulda fooled me, she thought, but bit back that retort. A few minutes more and she had his wounds properly bandaged. Tess set aside the basin and the towel, telling him, “Now let’s see about those ribs. Do you think you can lay back? It’ll be easier that way.” 

“Of course I can,” he barked, “I’m not an invalid, you know.” 

No, you’re just the crankiest Master of the Mystic Arts that I've ever encountered. Bravest and most selfless too, so I suppose I can forgive your churlishness.

He winced when she placed her hands on his shoulders, helping to ease him onto his back. Closing her eyes again, she skimmed her hands above the skin covering his damaged ribs, whispering the charm needed to bolster his body’s natural healing ability. Satisfied that she had succeeded once she could feel the spell take root, Tess pulled her hands away and opened her eyes. Stephen’s were closed, and his face had gone slack with a look of relief. Good enough, she concluded, hoping he would sleep a long while to aid in healing. 

Still, she thought she could do a little something to speed the reduction in the nastiest of his contusions--and it would be best to try while he was asleep. She reached tentative fingers to Stephen’s right shoulder. His eyes flew open with a start, “Owwwwww...that’s still tender, you know!” 

“I’m just trying to help...” 

“Well...I don’t need a nurse anymore,” he groused, “I just want to sleep.” 

“If you let me see to these now, you’ll feel much better in the morning...” Tess trailed her fingertips along his jaw, channeling her own energy into relieving his pain. “Any better?”

"A little,” he pouted, “But it hurts...almost everywhere...”

There seemed to be no pleasing him this way--but still, it was her nature to try. Exasperated, she blurted out, “Well, dammit, Stephen--where doesn’t it hurt?” 

Looking defiant, he showed her his elbow, “Here.” Tess laid the softest kiss she could upon it. 

“And...and here,” he added, pointing to his forehead, his whole demeanor softening in response to her tenderness. Cautiously, Tess leaned in and planted a loving kiss there. Momentum had turned in her favor. 

Stephen pointed to his un-blackened eye, “Um...here?”

Tess smiled softly, watching his eyes flutter shut, and then brushed her lips as lightly as she could upon his eyelid. There was a moment as her face hovered over his, and the look when he opened his eyes made her heart start to melt--for within their mercurial depths, she saw both gratitude and an apology for his childish behavior. Stephen tapped his lips and murmured, “Here.” 

She wondered if he felt her indulgent smile as their lips finally met, but before too long their kiss had gone from chaste to something deeper and more enduring, as he relaxed completely under her loving ministration. When she finally pulled away, Tess found that her kiss had worked a magic of its own, and her beloved Stephen was out like a light. 

Tess arose and draped the sheet across him lightly, then levitated the next bed over and landed it flush against his. Her hunch was that he’d sleep through the night, but she wanted to be close by if he should need her. 

Come morning, she awoke to find him gone--can’t keep a good Sorcerer down for long, she mused--but in his place, he’d left three dozen pale pink American Beauties, and a small piece of handwritten parchment. It was brief but to the point:  

Thank you, honey. For everything. Love - your Stephen xx

tagging: @hithertoundreamtof23 @stewardofningishzida @ironstrange1991 @mousedetective @aphroditesdilemma @icytrickster17 @groovyqueer @battledress @aelaer @mckiwi @couldntbedamned

[joelsbloodyhands]

Me

Me when some calls Pedro an 'old man'.

[filmtvtoday]

GTKTM: FAVORITE TV SHOW/FILM PER MEMBER ↳ RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK — by Sav (@ethan-hawke)

It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.

[flowerfreya]

First Day

This is Part 2 of an office / cooperate AU for poly!141

Here’s Part 1 / Part 3

Pairing 141 x you

Tw: mean bf ( not 141)

The 141 leaves at the same time , and when they get down to the lobby they see that you are still down there in the cafe with a cup that is for sure empty and a large smart water on your phone. They are all shocked to see you there and and John is pissed but tries to breathe through it.

“What are you still doing here?” ,He ask.

You look up and is a little startled when you are greeted by 4 large guys looming over you. Your startled a little bit, “huh?”, you tired and you know you haven’t done anything for seven hours but your still not at home and you wish you were.

“What are you still doing here, bird?” John pushes out , he has an ideas as to why but he wants to hear from you.

“Oh , I’m waiting on my boyfriend , he gets off in 4 more hours” you say brightly , faking it until you make it.

“Do you need a ride ?”, Soap interjects, “ I get great gas mileage.”

“Oh thank you for the offer, but I’m okay”. You know how your boyfriend can get when he thinks that you are entertaining other guys , which you would never do but he doesn’t seem to realize that.

“You sure?” he questions, you want to take him up on his offer but you know you can’t so just smile and shake your head.

~

Four and half hours later you are passenger side of the car and he doesn’t even ask how your interview went just wonders what for dinner.

You roll your eyes , you don't even like cooking but its your duty since you don’t work and still need to share the responsibilities.

“Probably chicken and rice”

“Anything other than that?” , that pisses you off because one: you haven’t made chicken and rice for a two weeks and two: you don’t like cooking so he should take what’s he gets.

“If you don’t like how about you cook” you snap back.

“Don’t be such a bitch” he says casually. You know you deserve better than this but you feel stuck, you’ve been with him for 8 years, he was you first everything and while they has been many breaks within your relationship you never strayed and hopefully he hasn’t either (he has break or not).

You get home , you make dinner you don’t really want to make , have a sex with a guy you don’t really want to have sex with and go to sleep in a bed you really don’t want to sleep in.

The call comes in the morning at 8:30 am sharp , your so excited you have an issue answering the phone so it take a couple of rings beofre the sliding your thumb across the screen.

“Hello”

“Good morning , this John Price from the interview yesterday” his voice sounds so nice and low over the phone and you honestly love and it take you second to remember to say something back.

“Yes, that’s me”

“We would like to offer you a position as receptionist associate”

“Yes!”

“Woah, bird slow down, you need to hear my offer and then ask some questions”

“Oh okay sure”. So you listen to him talk and do a spiel that sounds almost robotic. He ask if you want to negotiate for the salary. No you say. Honey, you should negotiate he says. So you ask for a dollar more than offered and he says that will be fine.

“When can you start ? “ he ask

“Immediately”

“Today?”

“Ummm I guess not immediately, my boyfriend has the car today”

“I’ll call you a car” he says easily.

“Oh sure, how long do I have”

“Can you be ready in 30 minutes” . No. You cannot, but you say, “Sure”, in the most preppy voice as possible, you can feel the aniexty ramping up.

When you get off the phone it’s a mad scramble to find an outfit , which of course nothing fit rights and everything is wrinkly. You do your hair but you need a reti and your hair is fuzzy so you just leave it down. Your make up is not turning out right and you forgot to powder your makeup so now it’s going to crease. And you didn’t have breakfast but still has coffee so now your going to have to go the bathroom in 20 minutes and it’s not going to be fun.

And your sweating. A lot.

You just finished with your routine by the time you get the text from the number that called you this morning

>>the car is here for you.

You thumbs up the message, rushing out the door with your tote bag.

You slide into the backseat of the car because you think it’s a rideshare.

“What are you doing back there? Sit up here with me”. You look up and see Soap looking at your through the rear view mirror and shoot him a smile slide out of the backseat and move to the front seat.

“I didnt know this is what Mr. John meant when he said he was going to send a car”

“Mr. John,eh”

“ I just want to be respectful,” you say with a laugh.

“Hen , he will love that”

~

By the time you get to the office you are a bundle of nerves , you hate being the new girl , you also hate not being good at your job. You know what happens when you get a new job but you can still hate it. You are picking at your cuticles which is a nervous tick that you have, you follow Johnny up the office space and sit on the sofa next to the reception and wait for John to call you into his office. You do the basic onboarding task with and thankfully Kyle which you now know as “Gaz” is HR and that’s why he’s in the annex. After you are done with John you get sent back there and complete the rest of the task and that when you get shown your desk at reception.

“You can decorate it however you want”

“Really” You’ve never had a cubicle or a desk that you can decorate however you want. You're so excited to go to TJ Maxx after work and spend the money you don’t have . You sit at the desk and get started with making your system to work. Making a new voicemail message, making a new email signature and distro list. You look after answering the phone and having to assign to a rep and see a tall man with a surgery mask staring back at. You remember when you got the tour of that being Simon Riley. You give him a big smile and wave nd then point to the phone and then to you then to him and nods once, you transfer the call hopefully to Simon but then you hear Johns phone ring and you internally cringe, already knowing that you transferred the call to the wrong office.

“This is Price , what can I do for ya?” you hear and want the floor to swallow you up. You look over at Simon and his eyes widening and then is followed by his shoulders shaking and great hes laughing at you.

“Hen, a word ? “ You look up and see John in doorway, leaning against in that sexy way that guys do and you stand up from your desk with you head down and head over. You squeeze by him to get into the office and he shuts the door behind you.

“Please have seat , do you know how to- “ You quickly cut him off and start to explain how your still getting used to transferring calls and that you know Simon sits next to Soap but Soap real name is John but also called Johnny and then everyone's name is blinking an-

“Your not in trouble … did anyone teach how to use the phones?” You shake your head, and then he teaches you, like actually teaches you how to do things, and its the best first day you ever had.

~

You forgot to tell your boyfriend you had to work, and when he got home without you being there he called you. Your phone was on silent. In your purse. He has your location.

The door slam opens with the blinds bouncing on the door causing you be look and be startled. “Where the hell have you been” he demands , you know hes mad , his face is red amd his hair look like he ran his hand through it multiple times and you know for a fact the car is park half haphazardly taking up two spots.

Your used to this attitude and you make sure you stay perfectly still but not too defensive because it will make it worse but you’ve never experienced it at work. You glance over to your coworkers: John standing up in his doorway, Soap moving towards your desk, and Simon watching from his desk , he’s alert and you can’t see his hands.

“I’ve been here, they wanted me to start today”, you smile hoping to pacify him. You start to get stuff ready already knowing that you are about to leave just so he won’t embarrass you anymore. “I’m sorry it was all so sudden, you know”, ending in a nervous laughter.

“I’m not fucking laughing”, he says your name with so much force , you lean back as if that will get you away from him.

“I know” , you say softly, moving around the desk and putting your jacket on.

You look around and thank them for such a good first day.

“You okay ?”, John ask you with a tilt of his head trying to look you in the eye.

“She fine”, your boyfriend answered for you. You know you have tears in your eyes and if you were lighter you would be flustered but all there is to show for it is sweaty armpits. You nod you head and smile at him.

“I will see you guys tomorrow , have a nice rest of your day” , just as your boyfriend grabs you by the arm and drags you out of there.

~

John glances at Soap and then Simon and nods his head towards annex. They need to have a little chat about the receptionist and her little boyfriend.

[easycompanys]

@paletmblr event xxxi: favorite pairings ↳ INDIANA JONES & MARION RAVENWOOD it's not the years, honey. it's the mileage.

[orphicdreamers-wp]

Mustang Or Me — Jack Hughes

Summary; you and Jack break up and you head back home.

Content Warnings; angst, breakup, based on ‘mustang or me’ by megan moroney

I packed up my two-door Ford. He don’t love me anymore.

You stare at Jack defeatedly as you stood in the kitchen of your shared apartment , “So you just don’t love me anymore? After 2 and a half years of this you just stop?” Jack looked at you with a sad look on his face, “I’m sorry. God you don’t know how sorry I am.” You shook your head, “Don’t worry about it Jack. I’m gonna pack my stuff and drive back to Pittsburgh.”

Within an hour and a half the past two years of your life were packed up in a boxes in your old beat down mustang. You smiled sadly as you hugged Luke warmly, “Call me man. I’m gonna miss you.” Luke nodded as he hugged you, “I really wanted you to be my sister.” You hugged him back as you stayed silent. You got in your car and dialed your moms phone number, “Hi mommy. Yeah. I’m okay. I’m just coming home. For good. Okay.”

I cursed his name down 65. Need new brakes and new tires. Hell I’m tired.

You groaned as your car drifted slightly into the right lane of the road, “Damn it Jack!” You smacked the steering wheel as you forced the wheel straight. Jack had been on your ass about getting new tires, kept saying it was dangerous that your car drifted because of the cars. You knew he was right but you were too stubborn to listen to him, and you were currently wishing you did.

You also needed new brakes and you had been meaning to get them changed. You had just been so tired lately. You hated fighting with Jack because it made you just so drained and tired. You were just tired of it all. The drama, the stupid fights and feeling invalidated. You were just so tired.

Two years down the drain, two hundred thousand on the gauge.

You sighed as you continued your drive out of Jersey. The ‘Welcome To Delaware’ sign felt like a slap to the face. In the two years you’d been with Jack you saw that sign a handful of times. You two had taken a handful of weekend trips to a ski lodge in upstate Delaware. Two years of your life down the drain haunted you. Almost at much as your car mileage. Two hundred and fifty thousand miles. You shook your head as you were left in silence of your thoughts and the cars passing you.

A broken tail light, a broken heart. How’d we even get this far.

You hadn’t realized how far you had gotten until you saw the flashing red and blue light behind you. You pulled to the side of the dark country road as a police officer approached your vehicle. The man seemed to notice you were on the brink of breaking down, “Good evening ma’am. Do you know why I stopped you?” You tan a hand over your face, “No I’m sorry. I don’t even know where I am honestly. I’m heading to Pittsburgh.” The man nodded, “ You’re in Port Royal Virgina. A little out from Fredicksburg. You have a broken taillight that’s why I pulled you over.”

You sighed sadly, “I’m sorry officer. How much is my ticket?” The officer’s face softened as he took in your current state, “Don’t worry about it. Just get to Pittsburgh safely honey.” You sighed sadly as he walked away, your chest aching like someone had yanked your heart out of your chest.

I’m fighting back tears running on E. Who’s gonna break down first? This mustang or me.

You continued your drive and groaned as you saw the gas tank was hovering on the empty line. It was inevitable that your car would break down. You just hoped it would hold out until Pittsburgh.

A stranger asked if I was okay. Laughed it off said no what gave it away? Was it the leaking oil or the loneliness on my face.

You entered some gas station in the middle of a tiny town in Virginia. You grabbed a energy drink and a bag of chips before heading to the line. An older lady in front of you frowned at your sad expression, “Honey are you okay?” You shook your head with a small laugh, “No, how could you tell?” The woman smiled softly, “You look like you haven’t slept in weeks.” You smiled sadly, “Just moving home after a breakup.” The woman smiled and hugged you softly, “I’m sorry honey.”

I thought I was gonna make it home,but I heard our song on the radio.

You shook the memory of Jack out of your head as you turned up the radio as loud as possible. You hummed along as ‘Fast Car’ by Tracy Chapman was playing. Your head was finally cleared when the song concluded and the next song played.

Who’s if gonna be? I’d put all my money on me.

You pulled your car to the shoulder of the interstate. shutting it off as sobs wracked through your body. You hadn’t cried about the relationship ending until now. You weren’t naïve in any way but you had always thought you and Jack would be together forever. You didn’t anticipate a breakup or Jack losing feelings for you.

[fortunaegloria]

It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage...

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK *  assorted dialogue from the 1981 film

you have no time!

i killed him. he was of no use to us.

they're digging in the wrong place.

i've looked everywhere.

i don't know. i'm making this up as i go.

i always knew some day you'd come walking back through my door.

okay, stand back.

what are you trying to do, scare me?

you sound like my mother.

now, what shall we talk about?

it's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.

why don't you sit down? you'll be more comfortable.

she's of no use to us.

you can't do this to me!

it would take only a nudge to make you like me.

you are in no position to ask for anything.

do you still have it?

snakes. why'd it have to be snakes?

i'm so pleased you're not dead!

i never meant to hurt you.

obviously we've come to the right men.

what ever are you doing in such a nasty place?

i grew up on this.

i don't believe in magic.

you could warn them.

i hate snakes! i hate 'em!

i can only say sorry so many times!

now you're getting nasty.

what do you want?

must have slipped my mind.

shoot them. shoot them both.

i was in love.

the poison is still fresh.

stay here.

he said you were a bum.

it was wrong and you knew it.

nobody knows where or when.

we were friends once, but we had a bit of a falling out, i'm afraid.

i've heard a lot about you.

here, take this!

why, are you willing to offer more?

i don't know what kind of people you're used to dealing with, but nobody tells me what to do in my place.

leave me alone. go away.

the bar's closed.

don't look at it. no matter what happens.

you knew what you were doing.

we see there is nothing you can possess which i cannot take away.

you chose the wrong friends.

there's a picture of it right here.

boy, you're something!

your appearance is exactly the way i imagined.

they're following us.

we've heard a lot about you.

i want plenty of protection.

i'm afraid we must be going now.

they don't know what they've got there.

wait, wait! i can be reasonable!

at least you haven't forgotten how to show a lady a good time.

i'll tell you everything.

these guys don't care if we kill each other.

you like her too much, i think.

you and i are very much alike.

perhaps we'll meet again under better circumstances.

if they knew we were here, they would have killed us already.

this is history. do as you will.

we never seem to get a break, do we?

let me show you what i'm used to.

why don't you come on down here and i'll show you!

don't be such a baby.

there is something that troubles me.

i almost regret it.

not a very private place for a murder.

i made no promises!

i am surprised to find you squeamish.

hey, what happened? you don't look very happy.

where'd you get that?

let us hurry. there is nothing to fear here.

i see your taste in friends remains consistent.

your persistence surprises even me.

you're all the same.

let's go see him together.

i oughta kill you right now.

they're not going to interfere in our business.

surely you don't think you can escape from this island?

what's this here?

i have the perfect man for this kind of work.

we are quite comfortable up here.

come on. i'll buy you a drink.

i've got nothing better to do.

a friend of yours?

please sit down before you fall down.

i don't need a nurse. i just want to sleep.

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

For those who either read my fics or enjoy whumped Stephen Strange fics ~

I have a whumped Stephen one-shot that I wrote a few years ago, which got minimal interaction. Since it barely registered on the Strangebatch fandom here on tumblr, would it be bad form for me to repost it to try and get some Readers?

[sneakyparsnipslicer]

Bodysnatchers II

[The continuation to 'Bodysnatchers', had to cut a lot of characters to fit this into a post. Enjoy]

Gavin awoke, it was daylight. He rolled over to check his phone; 7 in the morning. He put his phone down and turned to look at his sleeping boyfriend. He kissed Chris and he awoke, looking back into Gavin's eyes.

'Morning' whispered Gavin.

'Morning' replied Chris.

'Sleep well?' Gavin asked. Chris stretched and groaned.

'Yeah, I think we got a lot of mileage out of this body didn't we?' Chris chuckled. Gavin laid down.

'Oh I'll say!' Gavin chuckled, moving his hand under the sheets to massage Chris's crotch. 'Jimmy was a good pick for you'.

Chris nodded.

'Oh, did you cover that up?' Chris asked.

'Yep, I logged into his Twitter last night' said Gavin, reaching to the drawer, he pulled out Jimmy's phone and began scrolling through it.

'Tweeted just after we got back' said Gavin. He showed the screen for Chris to read.

'Hi folks, sorry to say I've had to dip this weekend, family emergency. Have yourselves the best weekend, ResidentJimmy'

'Ah, ok' said Chris, looking away from the screen. Gavin put the phone back in the drawer.

'I'll get rid of his phone in a bit, we should get breakfast' Gavin suggested, looking back to Chris, who was looking at the ceiling. 'What's up?'

'I can't help wondering if this was right. Jimmy seemed a decent bloke' said Chris. Gavin rolled his eyes and shook his head.

'He was a prude, he had all THAT going for him. We couldn't let him go to waste' said Gavin.

'Jimmy had friends, family, there'll be investigations!' worried Chris. Gavin stroked his hair.

'Once I get a new body, we can to do whatever we like. Go where we like. We'll get a fresh start' replied Gavin. These words put Chris at ease. He pulled off his sheets and got out of bed, giving Gavin a clear view of his back and ass.

'Fuck, I'm never gonna get tired of that!' laughed Gavin, deciding he had time for a quick tug.

The two headed to the lobby restaurant to get breakfast. Finding a table near a window overlooking the street, the two began to tuck into their food. Event-goers on the surrounding tables were wrapped in their own conversations, there was a great spirit of excitement about the day ahead.

'Oh Em Gee! Is that GaValentine?!' asked a voice. Gavin turned to see a face he recognised from last year.

'Oh, morning, how are you? Sorry I've forgotten your name!' said Gavin. The man chuckled.

'It's Umbrelliam, or Liam. It's been a while!' exclaimed Liam, smiling all rosy-cheeked. Liam was a porky guy, flamboyant as hell but sweet. He turned to Chris and his eyes widened, jaw dropping.

'And who's this gorgeous guy?' asked Liam, filling a seat at the table, looking Chris up and down. Chris finished his mouthful.

'I'm Chris. Gavin's boyfriend' smiled Chris, waving.

'Oh you lucky bitch! Why didn't bring him last year?' demanded Liam, looking to Gavin.

'Oh he was working last year, but we're here now' said Gavin. Liam looked between both of them.

'Must be a model or something, honey you can Chris my Redfield any day' said Liam, winking at Chris.

'What's that mean? Boulder-punching you in the fucking face?' asked Chris. Liam was taken aback, but burst out laughing.

'Gosh he's fiery too! Honestly Gavin, you've gotta find me a guy like him' said Liam, turning to look at Gavin. He took a sip of his drink and a thought struck him.

'Did you hear about Jimmy?' asked Liam. Gavin caught a nervous look from Chris.

'You mean ResidentJimmy? Yeah I think so, didn't he Tweet last night he had to go home?' asked Gavin, Liam nodded.

'Yeah, vanished. I spoke to some friends earlier, he didn't text to let them know he had to go or anything, everyone's talking about it' Liam said, looking into his glass. Gavin and Chris locked eyes for a moment, a look of worry passed between them.

'I'm sure he had his reasons, he'll update everyone soon enough' suggested Chris. Liam looked to Chris and smiled.

'Yeah, I'm sure he will!' Liam replied.

'Anyway, let's focus on the event today, got quite the lineup haven't we?' asked Gavin, eager to change the subject. Liam snapped out of his trance.

'Oh my gosh yes! I can't believe they actually got Julia Voth to come here today, her as Jill is just Mother' exclaimed Liam, grinning from ear to ear.

'Well, I'm sure I'll see you cuties there, just gotta get a couple of things from my room. See you soon!' said Liam, getting up from his chair.

'Hey Liam, do you have any plans after the event?' asked Gavin, Liam spun back around.

'Not really, why?' asked Liam, his eyebrows furrowed.

'Well, Chris and I were thinking of having some fun later if you're game' whispered Gavin, winking. Chris glared at Gavin. Liam looked around.

'Wait, seriously?' asked Liam quietly, grinning again. Gavin nodded.

'Abso-fucking-lutely!' Liam said, looking to Chris.

'Cool, we'll see you later!' said Gavin, giving Liam a thumbs up. Liam walked off. Chris leaned in.

'What the absolute FUCK was that?!' he hissed, glaring at Gavin. Gavin leaned in.

'Liam's a bit of a convention slut, he's practically gagging for any action he can get' whispered Gavin, smirking.

'Oh really? You're gonna settle for that?' Chris asked, looking the way Liam went. Gavin followed the direction Chris was looking.

'I'll see what I can do with him. Might take a bit of compressing but it could result in something nice' said Gavin. Chris leaned back in his chair and heaved an exaggerated sigh.

'Honestly hearing what he was saying, I'm worried taking over Jimmy was a risky move' said Chris. Gavin shook his head.

'Nah babe, once his body's mine, there'll be one less gossipy bitch around to risk anyone putting two and two together. I'll take him over, then we leave tonight. Sound good?' asked Gavin. Chris reluctantly nodded.

'We'd better get rid of Jimmy's phone quick, there's only so much radio silence these people can take before they suspect something's off' said Chris. They both nodded and finished their breakfast.

Liam waited in the lobby for Gavin and Chris to return, fantasizing about the night after the event. Soon enough they showed up.

'Hey besties! Shall we get going to the Centre then?' called Liam, waving to them. They both looked at eachother, then Chris shrugged.

'Yeah sure, let's do that' said Chris, and the three of them headed out with Liam and Gavin in front, Chris following. As they made their way across the city, they were approached by a homeless man.

'Scuse me Sirs, you wouldn't happen to have a tenner you could give us would ya?' the man asked. Gavin and Chris continued on like they hadn't seen him, but Liam stopped.

'Oh of course lovey! Just give me a second' smiled Liam, pulling out his wallet to find a £10 note for the man.

'Oh thank you, thank you so much!' said the man graciously.

'It's alright, times are tough darling, I understand' said Liam, patting him on the shoulder. The man looked towards Chris and Gavin and lowered his voice.

'You uh, you know those two then?' asked the man, pointing to Chris and Gavin. Liam nodded.

'Watch yourself with them, something's not right about them' said the man. Liam looked puzzled.

'How d'you mean?' he asked. The man looked nervously at them again.

'I knows a demon when I sees one. That tall one ain't right' he said.

'I think you might've hit the Meth a little hard today honey' chuckled Liam. The man shook his head.

'No Sir, I ain't about that life! Swear to me bones, you be careful!' he warned. He hurried back to his sleeping bag in a nearby doorway and returned with a flask, he pushed it into Liam's hands.

'Trust me, take that with ya, it's holy water it is, I always keeps some from the Cathedral. Please be safe' he said. He shook Liam's hand and hobbled off. Liam looked at the flask and shrugged. He put it in his backpack and hurried off after the two, who were waiting by a bin.

'Ah heck Liam, why'd you stop for that guy?' asked Gavin, smirking at him.

'Sorry, it's just I couldn't not spot him that tenner, poor fella's down on his luck. It's only decent' said Liam. Gavin looked to Chris.

'You're a good man Liam, if people were more like you the world would be a nicer place, and bankrupt!' said Chris, smiling at Liam.

'You've sure got a weird sense of humour Chris. Not sure if I like that about you' said Liam giving Chris a stern look.

'Oh never mind. Anyway we're nearly at the Centre. Did you play the RE4 Remake yet Liam?' asked Gavin.

'Oh yeah, kinda prefer the original honestly' said Liam absent-mindedly. He thought about the man's warning. Maybe something really was off about Chris.

Liam, Gavin and Chris spent the next hours mingling with other fans, meeting voice actors and developers from the Resident Evil franchise's past, attending panels and getting photos and merchandise signed. Eventually in the afternoon everyone began to make plans for the night. Liam had been hanging around a friend of his, Hannah during breaks.

'Seriously Liam, he hasn't called, he's not answering his phone, listen!' said Hannah, holding her phone to Liam's ear.

'I'm sorry, the phone you are trying to reach has been switched off. Please try again later' came the automated voice. Hannah was a friend of Jimmy's and his disappearance had been on her mind all day.

'Looks like he's put nothing on Twitter, not since last night' said Liam.

'He was fine last night when we saw him, I just can't work it out' said Hannah, shaking her head and trembling. Liam noticed this and swept her into a hug.

'Hey! It's alright Darling. We'll get to the bottom of this!' said Liam reassuringly. Hannah sighed.

'Thanks Liam' Hannah smiled. Just then Gavin and Chris showed up.

'Hey Liam, we're heading back to the hotel, you coming?' asked Gavin.

'Just a few minutes please guys, catching up' smiled Liam. Chris and Gavin looked to eachother.

'We're in Room 402, don't keep us waiting too long' whispered Chris, winking, and the two headed off.

'Got plans have you?' asked Hannah chuckling, looking at them walking off.

'Yeah, probably shouldn't keep them waiting too long' laughed Liam. Hannah turned back to look at him, a look of concern on her face.

'Say, who's the tall one?' asked Hannah.

'Chris, why?' asked Liam.

'Jimmy was talking to the one with glasses last night, but he was with another guy, not him' said Hannah.

'Might've been a friend of his?' suggested Liam, shrugging.

'Maybe. I don't think I've seen that other guy since last night either. I know there's about 200 people here today, but I've only seen him hanging around the big guy' said Hannah. Liam thought about this and remembered the homeless man's warning. Something was definitely up.

'Liam, if you're going to be hanging around those two tonight please be careful!' she warned. Liam nodded.

'Of course Hannah, I promise' said Liam, giving Hannah one final hug and hurrying off.

Liam hurried back to his hotel room. He took off his backpack and pulled out the flask the homeless man had given him. He hesitated and then began to drink from it. The water was pretty much room temperature, but he chugged it down, finished and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

'Let's see, Room 402' said Liam to himself, pulling out his phone. He sent a DM to Gavin's account on Twitter.

'Hey, just changing, be up in 5 x'

He changed out of his clothes into something a little fancier and sprayed some cologne, combing his hair in the mirror telling himself 'If it gets weird, get the fuck out of there!'. With a shaky breath he steeled himself and proceeded to leave his room. He was two floors below the 4th floor, so he got in the lift, it didn't take long to find the door. He took a deep breath and knocked.

Gavin answered the door, smiling.

'Liam! Good to see you!' cried Gavin, hugging him.

'Sorry I kept you waiting lovey, Hannah was having some issues bless her' replied Liam.

'Well, never mind her. Now it's about us big guy!' said Gavin, ushering Liam into the room. Chris sat on the bed, shirt open exposing his chest.

'Hubba hubba!' cried Liam rushing over to hug him, which Liam reluctantly did.

'So how're we doing this?' asked Liam, looking between them. Chris moved to lie down on the bed.

'You guys can get started, I'll watch and hop in when I'm ready' smiled Gavin. Liam raised his eyebrows.

'Oh, you like to watch do you Mister? I won't complain!' said Liam, turning his attention to Chris, who was smirking at him.

'So how do you want to start?' asked Liam seductively, biting his lip, crawling onto the bed, moving over to Chris. Chris pulled Liam on top of him and began to kiss him, much to Liam's surprise, but he went along with it, beginning to tongue the hunk of a man. Liam could feel himself getting hard as they pulled away. Chris began to undo his belt and pull his shorts down, alongside his boxers, where his monster cock sprang free. Liam's jaw dropped at the sight of it.

'Go on Liam, get to work!' chuckled Chris, shifting himself. Liam nodded and kissed Chris on the lips again, then kissing his neck and kissing his pecs and abs as he made his way down to the groin. Chris began to feel a bit sweaty, but he put it down to the hormones. He began to squirm as Liam took his dick in his hand and began to pump it, licking it's tip with his tongue. Gavin had already unzipped his own trousers, getting his own dick ready for entry.

'God it's getting stuffy! Give me a moment' laughed Liam, pulling his own shirt off and throwing it away, returning to giving Chris a blowjob. Chris scrunched his eyes closed and began gasping. What should be pleasure was starting to feel a lot like pain.

'Are you biting my cock Liam?' asked Chris, looking down at him. Liam stopped sucking and furrowed his eyebrows.

'No?' he insisted. Then it occurred to him Chris was squirming and groaning in pain.

'Oh shit! Are you ok?' asked Liam, looking in horror as the black in Chris's hair was beginning to drain, becoming blonde.

'The fuck have you done to me you prick?!' demanded Chris as his body began to convulse and his stomach grew. Just then Gavin lunged at Liam, trying to shove his hand into his mouth. Liam elbowed him in the ribs.

'Excuse me? What the fuck are you trying to do?!' asked Liam, turning to Gavin in fury, but Gavin looked on at Chris. Looking back Liam yelped and jumped off the bed. Chris's stomach had become huge and the mass was moving downwards.

'Someone tell me what the fuck's going on here?!' asked Liam, standing frozen against the wall as Chris was yelling in pain. Just then, the mass that was making it's way down Chris's shaft bloated it to an impossible size and Liam and Gavin could only look on slack-jawed as a pair of legs were forced out of the tip, then a body, arms and head. A whole man was ejected out of Chris's dick. He groaned in pain as he hit the floor. Liam looked to Chris on the bed, who was now blonde and had less muscle. No, it wasn't Chris, it was Jimmy!

'Jimmy!' cried out Liam rushing to him, but the new man elbowed him out the way and tried to stick his hand down Jimmy's throat.

'Oi! Get off him! What're you even trying to do?' asked Liam, forcing the man off Jimmy.

'Shit! We can't get in!' yelled Tiernan panicking, breathing frantically. Gavin looked at the sight, there was nothing they could do now but run.

'Let's get out of here!' Gavin said, grabbing Tiernan and pulling him to his feet.

Jimmy began to stir, groaning and opening his eyes. He began to register the room.

'What the fuck?' Jimmy asked, feeling pain in his body. He saw Liam standing over him shirtless and groaned.

'Oh shit, not you Liam!' chuckled Jimmy, laying his head back down.

'Jimmy are you alright?' asked Liam.

'I feel like I've been hit by a fucking truck!' replied Jimmy. He realised he wasn't in his hotel room.

'What happened? Where are Gavin and Tiernan?' asked Jimmy. Liam sat down on the bed.

'I'm not sure what the hell's happened but I think you just shot him out of your penis Darling' laughed Liam despite looking terrified. Jimmy began to piece it all together in his head.

'Where are they?' asked Jimmy, sitting up. Liam jumped.

'They said about getting out of here' started Liam. At that, Jimmy lunged off the bed, staggering to the door. Holding his breath and fighting the pain he wrenched the door open, hurrying into the hallway outside.

'Jimmy they've probably reached the lobby by now!' called Liam, but Jimmy wasn't listening. He ran past the lifts and hurtled himself down the stairs, flying in his fury down the steps. He ran into the lobby in time to see a small crowd gathered near the entrance doors.

'Where the fuck are they?!' demanded Jimmy angrily. Everyone looked to him shocked. Hannah hurried over to him and hugged him.

'Jimmy?! Oh my god where have you been?!' yelled Hannah. Jimmy looked to Hannah, suddenly the anger he felt dissolved into fear, tears began to well in his eyes.

'Oh Hannah, I don't even know what the hell's happening, but I'm glad you're here!' said Jimmy, hugging her tight. Liam arrived panting, hanging onto the doorframe to catch his breath. He looked at everyone, then at Jimmy and Hannah. Looking down he cleared his throat.

'Pardon me Jim, but if we don't get your bum covered up I'm going to start getting cravings!' chuckled Liam. Jimmy looked down, he hadn't even realised his lower clothing had fallen off. Hannah turned bright red and Jimmy began laughing, the three of them headed back to the lifts so Jimmy could get changed.

The next day everyone gathered around Jimmy and Liam as they attempted to explain what had happened the previous day and the night before. A somewhat coherent story was formed of how Jimmy had been taken over by Tiernan somehow and that Gavin had tried to cover the tracks up and how Liam had been able to undo what they'd done to Jimmy thanks to the holy water the homeless man had given him.

'Best 10 quid I ever donated!' laughed Liam. Jimmy smiled and looked thoughtfully outside.

'Whatever happened, those two are still out there. Unless Tiernan got arrested for streaking, they could be anywhere now' pondered Jimmy. Hannah massaged Jimmy's right shoulder reassuringly.

'If they show up again, they're dead!' she warned. Jimmy smiled, thankful for his friends' rescue.

'Liam, could you take me to that homeless guy please? I'd like to thank him' Jimmy requested. Liam finished his drink and nodded. Leaving everyone to talk among themselves, Liam and Jimmy headed out. They found the man and approached him. He recognised Liam.

'Sir! Good to see you. You slept safely I hope?' he smiled, looking to Jimmy.

'Hello again Ducky. Yes you were right about those two. They actually took over my friend here' Liam said, clapping a hand on Jimmy's shoulder.

'Hi, I just wanted to thank you. If you hadn't given my friend the holy water I might not be here now. Thanks' smiled Jimmy nodding his head. The man smiled happily at Jimmy.

'It's alright Sir! I could tell something weren't right about them two. Oh! While you're here' said the man, turning his attention to his sleeping bag. He pulled out a phone.

'Is this is yours?' beamed the man. Jimmy took it from him in shock, it was indeed his phone.

'How did you get this?' Jimmy asked.

'Your demon friends thought they were clever. I noticed them chuck summat in the bin over there when I was speaking to your friend yesterday. After you all left I came over to see what it was. Felt I should hold onto it just incase' the man explained. Jimmy pocketed his phone and breathed a sigh of relief. He pulled out his wallet and found a £20 for the man, that he graciously accepted. Liam also handed the flask back and the two began to head back to the Premier Inn.

'Funny isn't it? Today's the last day and we all go back home tonight, and yet this place just got a whole lot more interesting. Tomorrow it'll be work as usual!' remarked Jimmy.

'I'm still trying to process what I saw last night, not gonna lie it was kinda hot. Not every day you see a man cum out another man!' chuckled Liam. Jimmy smiled but looked at Liam concerned.

'Man, shut the fuck up!' Jimmy laughed.

'Reckon you're up for cuddles then?' asked Liam hopefully. Jimmy sighed and shook his head.

'You know what, fine. I guess I owe you mate' winked Jimmy. 'Just promise me you won't do whatever the fuck they did to me!'.

'Oh I love having men in me, but not THAT deep!' retorted Liam, and they both walked off laughing.

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "A Dish Served Odd" Episode Followup, Part 2

We move on to Part 2. Will Orli get the tour she deserves? Let's go and find out!

That's...it's...Orli, sweet summer child, we have discussed what that is.

Worse still, it's not even used for a gag or anything. It's just used so the librarian can get more shouting mileage. Jon, there ain't no "kachow" in the world that can save you.

JON I'M SERIOUS JON. JON. THAT'S NOT EVEN A CLOWN NOSE THAT IS A TARGET SPHERE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.

It...belonged to a clown...who bought things of the wrong size...off the Internet.

Look, this is the Oddverse, and that means I can look some stuff over, but I can't forgive this shit. Everyone and their mothers has bought stuff of the wrong size off of the Internet. Hell, I've bought stuff of the wrong side off the Internet. Where the fuck is my statue, huh??? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY STATUE.

"Yonder?"

"It means 'over there'. And if you watched Wander Over Yonder, you'd know that."

"...What?"

"Oh, it's a Disney cartoon."

"What's Disney?"

"Ozzie, you poor unfortunate soul."

Ah, I see I've found the "gadzooks" guy.

Unfortunately, it came free with a fucking "what person has photos of X" gag.

...YOUR ASS IS FUCKIN' TELLIN' ME THE MOVIE THING WAS A SCAM??????? ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT IT WAS ODD SQUAD THE MOVIE BEING CANONIZED AGAIN AND IT'S NOT AND I'M SO MAD and i'm off to the local wallfart to cry in my car

fuck you.

That's gonna be a "yikes" from me, bro. Followed quickly by "hell of a ventriloquist to be speaking like you have your mouth full."

Okay, Trifler, we've had big boi words dropped in this franchise before where no one explained what they meant, thank you.

"Come on, sweetie!"

I can feel the internal Olive cringe from where my ass is sitting in the living room right now.

I can also feel the stupidity radiating off this sonuvabitch and I'm waving my stop sign like a madman.

"See you in 10 years, big red bus."

"Who said you're going to be alive in 10 years?"

"...No, actually, you make a fair point. Damn."

"Act 2 cliffhanger!"

Honey, we are two minutes away from ending the episode. There are no acts. There are no cliffhangers. Smarten up.

Y'know, before today, there wasn't really any villain that I actively hated, other than Xavier and Xena. Who weren't really villains, but they were villainous.

Here, I finally found a bitch. Thank you. Kachow your way on outta here.

So they zap her with an Elbow-Patch-inator -- which, why do they have that in their inventory other than sheer plot convenience? -- and she likes it because it looks like sprinkles.

I couldn't make this sorry shit up if I tried.

Even in this spinoff, we still have the good old "agents let the villain walk away scot-free and don't monitor them for cleanup efforts" cliche.

There's a reason why cleaning up trash as part of community service has someone there to make sure you don't flake.

All that shit Orli had to go through and all she had to do was stop a criminal.

This would be like me getting free unlimited McDonald's because I tackled a guy stealing from the till, when I already paid through the app for my food.

It's stupid, is my point.

Y'know, I've made cracks about writers on drugs before, but Lightning Jon Macqueen must have been on something else to have this much flawed logic in the span of a single episode.

If you have the tour every decade, of course people are gonna get overexcited. If you have it, say, every month, the magic goes away because it's more common.

Don't have to be a dumbass lil' American like me to understand that. And the only way the faulty logic could be justified is if finances were brought into play, and I'm not willing to have a spirited discussion on Britain's financial status without many bottles of chardonnay and a couple joints of grass.

"Ma'am, this is an 11-minute episode of a TV show. This is not a movie."

"...So it's a movie?"

"I just said- ah, to hell with it. Forget it. But I hear there is a new Looney Tunes movie coming out soon..."

And your cast for this episode! Honestly, Horatia Hollywood sounds like a really weird villain name...especially considering there is no Hollywood in Britain as far as I'm aware.

------------------------------------

So that's it. Overall, for the first 11-minute episode, it was...a bit lacking. I don't think this spinoff, nor the staff working on it, have found their footing yet and are just tripping over their own feet. It's a good premise for an episode, but...it wasn't executed very well. I feel like not enough focus was given to the tour Orli was supposed to go on -- being an immigrant, it would make sense for her to take a tour of her new country, let alone her new town, but more focus was given to solving the case than the tour in and of itself.

Jon Macqueen has potential. I will give him the benefit of the doubt, absolutely (because after all, Britain is not Odd Squad's home country). But I'm hoping that, within the rest of the 20+ episodes we've got (going by 11-minute episodes, mind), he'll right himself and get to crafting beautiful episodes that make me smile and go, "Yes. This is what I want to see."

With that being said, thanks for reading. I'll see you all for the next followup for "Odd Jubilee". Which should be a funner episode, seeing as how it has a song. And anyone who knows me well knows I am a sucker for songs in my funny secret agent children math show.

Seren out!

[foolondahill17]

Inevitably, when Dean wakes to find Cas gone from bed, he experiences a swift, dizzying rush of panic. Ice water shivers down his body from the crown of his head to his toes, as if someone broke a water balloon over his skull.

Sometimes it comes with the last vestiges of a nightmare, clinging to his skin like black sludge. Other times it’s merely his brain registering the absence before he’s even fully awake, attuned to Cas beside him like he used to be unflinchingly aware of Sam snoring softly in the bed parallel to his own in a motel room.

His left hand fists around the empty sheets beside him for several seconds, air rattling in his lungs as he breathes into the gray, filmy light coming into through the blinds in slats. The empty place on the bed is still warm, which means Cas hasn’t been gone long. Maybe he woke from his own nightmare or to get a glass of water or take a piss or maybe fetch a snack or because of some ache or pain; his human body wasn’t exactly reliable, delicate and unfamiliar to a being used to occupying a lightwave for untold millennia. Maybe he just couldn’t sleep.

Maybe it was the Empty. Come to renege on their deal.

Dean fumbles for his phone on the bedside table. The screen nearly blinds him, and he squints into through his lashes to see it’s later than he expected. Dean shuts his eyes, swallows, tries to ground himself back into his body.

When he’s finally calm enough, he tunes into the faint sounds from outside the door and down the hall. He can hear the coffeemaker sputtering and Miracle’s toes clacking on the tile.

Dean swings his legs over the side of the bed, spine twanging. He takes it slow: carefully presses the soles of his bare feet against the chilled floor, stretching for his cane hung on the bedpost, before he straightens himself out, gritting his teeth through the residual stiffness. He needs his cane more than ever in the morning, when sleep fuses his spine into an inflexible and painful rod, legs refusing to bend as they should after so many hours of inactivity.

He shuffles across the floor to find the bedroom door unlatched. His knuckles, swollen with arthritis from the cool morning air, are grateful. It’s hard enough just gripping his cane on mornings like this.

He feels old. He’s only forty-four years old, by all accounts a young man for a civilian. It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mileage. He grins at the quote. Years of untreated head trauma may have left his memory faulty in other ways, but Indy always lives at the forefront of his mind.

It’s brighter in the kitchen than the bedroom. The large sliding doors that lead to Dean’s garden in the backyard reveal dark gray, threatening clouds. The wind rustles the yellowing leaves of the large oak tree overhanging the garden, swiveling their lighter bellies to the sky.

Cas’s back is to Dean, fussing with the buttons on the coffeemaker, but he turns when Dean reaches his elbow. Dean uses his free arm to wrap it around Cas’s back, pulling himself into his angel’s space. Cas turns fully into Dean so they hold each other chest to chest. Cas’s hair tickles Dean’s nose. His large hand runs up and down Dean’s back, palm nearly scalding in the early autumn chill of the kitchen.

They don’t speak. Cas hates mornings and usually won’t talk until he’s had at least one mug of coffee. And Dean. Well, Dean hasn’t spoken for nearly two years.

Cas is the first to detach. The coffeemaker beeps, shrill in the silence of the kitchen. Cas fetches mugs, and Dean eases himself into a chair at the kitchen table. As soon as he’s seated, Miracle trots in from the living room, holding her favorite plastic green bone in her mouth.

She drops her toy at Dean’s feet and settles with her chin on his knee. Dean tangles his fingers into her hair, letting her warmth bleed into his aching hand.

Cas joins him at the table, sliding one mug in front of Dean before taking a long sip from his own. Dean watches Cas’s throat bob as he swallows his coffee, the pink, silvery scar taught across his neck moving in time with his Adam’s apple. Dean has a matching scar on his own throat. The price of the Empty to return Cas to him: Cas’s grace and Dean’s voice.

Dean pushes a pile of books and mail aside so he can get to his coffee. He’ll need to go to the post office today to mail Jack their book; they left it here over the weekend, but they need it for classes. Dean takes a sip of his coffee: scalding and deep black, just as he and Cas take it.

“It’s going to storm,” Cas finally breaks the silence after his coffee is half gone, and Dean bites back a smile. Cas’s becoming predictable in his humanity.

Dean agrees with a nod.

“Do you need to cover your plants?” Cas asks. Dean’s grateful for Cas’s concern; he knows there’s nothing on earth more boring to the angel than gardening.

Dean shakes his head, no. The only thing left in the ground this time of year is heartier root vegetables, potatoes and carrots, or the sprawling mess of his pumpkin patch that will withstand the hard rain.

Dean’s nearly done with his first cup of coffee and Cas already returned with his second when he pulls up his phone, squinting at the small screen. Cas nearly bit Dean’s head off the last time Dean dared suggest he get reading glasses.

Cas huffs through several article headlines, giving the list of alerts on Sam’s hunter algorithm a cursory glance. Later, he might go back to one or two, but, for now, nothing demands his immediate attention or needs to be redirected to one of Sam and Eileen’s hunter pairs. He sets his phone aside and pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

Dean fishes for Cas’s hand across the table, weaving their fingers together. Cas drops his hand from his face and grips Dean’s with both of his own. Dean smiles at his angel, hair still mussed from bed, graying at his temples, and wrinkles carved like canyons around his eyes and lips.

I love you, Dean mouths, and Cas takes it with his own smile.

“I love you, Dean.”

Cas likely won’t notice if Dean’s a little clingier than usual today. He’s not very good at picking up those kinds of signals. But he’ll be patient enough with Dean’s lingering touches and shadowing him from room to room as Cas refuses to sit still, frenetic and antsy on days when they’re confined to the house.

Maybe Dean will make a warm soup and sandwiches for lunch. They could watch a movie, cuddled together on the couch, if he can manage to tie Cas down. Cas is liable to climb onto the roof if there’s a proper storm; likes to give Dean a damn heart attack by standing on the gable with his arms outstretched and eyes shut against the torrential rains and wind.

You don’t think you deserve to be saved? Cas asked Dean, all those years ago. Dean still isn’t so sure, some days, what he deserves. He’s been an unlucky bastard, by most reckoning. By Dean’s, he’s been damn lucky. If he’d known what was waiting for him, all these years later, he thinks he’d have spent less time thinking about what was and wasn’t deserved, and more time wondering if it was all worth it.

Mornings like this, he thinks it was.

Read on AO3 if you'd like

[sparkypantaloons]

It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage

Jason really, really, really hates Halloween. But then he's just been kidnapped by a cult who are convinced he can give them immortality, so can you blame him?

~~

Fucking Halloween.

Jason has aways hated it. Hated it when he lived down on Crime Alley and it didn’t need to be October 31 for the worst kind of tricks. Hated it when he moved to the Manor, with its creaking floorboards and overgrown trees and fucking bats. Hates it even more now, now he’s old enough to see what it does to people in this city. Understand how it takes desperation and twists it into something grotesque. Pushes people over the edge and into the darkness.

He hates darkness too. Reminds him too much of the closet Willis used to shut him in for days at a time. Of the Manor before dawn, when he never knew if Bruce had made it home safely after a night on patrol. Of his grave… and the deep dark earth he spent an eternity clawing his way out of.

It’s dark now. And not just because of the blindfold; wrapped too tight around his head, pounding a migraine into the marrow of his skull. Wherever he is, is dark. It smells of the dark; of desperation and madness and rot, and it’s suffocating. Smothers itself against his skin, forces itself into his mouth, his lungs, his blood.

Fucking Halloween.

He’s strung up by his wrists. Shirt stripped away, skin sliced across his torso in patterns and runes; blood slow and fat dragging itself down his flesh. His shoulders are screaming, burning with his own weight. There’s a gag pressed in his mouth, his left leg is broken, and too many wandering hands to think about.

Somewhere along the way, somewhere between the Pit, and the League and the Bats, whispers had spread; quiet words on a swift winds. Red Hood had died, but he wasn’t dead. Red Hood lived, but he wasn’t alive. Murdered by the Joker, but still haunting the streets of Gotham. He’s immortal, they said. Deathless. Eternal. Endless.

As if one lifetime wasn’t enough in this god forsaken city.

He’d heard the rumours. Enjoyed them, even. Let the filth of this city wonder. He had thought. Let them fear, that Red Hood will always come for them.

He should have known something like this would happen.

It was out-of-towners who had grabbed him. Nobody from Gotham would be stupid enough to try it. Nobody from Gotham would be smart enough to pull it off. It had been a kid, see. And Jason had fallen for it hook line and sinker. She can’t have been more than six. Pressed into the shadows by his safehouse, eyes wide and desperate.

“There’s a boat.” Her words had been barely more than a whisper. “There’s a boat and kids don’t come back from there.” Her fingers had clung to the cuff of his jacket, knuckles white, hand shaking. “Please.” She’d begged. “Please help us.”

Jason wasn’t an idiot, even if he was a sucker for a desperate kid. He’d done his research, done his surveillance, he’d planned. Watched and waited and deliberated. And then he’d struck, when the moment was right. No. It had been more than right, it had been perfect. Of course it had been. Because the whole thing had been a fucking set up.

They’d been on him before he’d even unhooked his grapple. Hands, so many of them, grabbing and pulling at him from the darkness. Ripping his jacket from his shoulders, forcing him to his knees, binding his limbs with course rope. And he’d fought, of course he’d fought, but there had been so many of them. Too many.

“Oh ancient one, born before time’s dawn, on this night of night’s where the living and the dead become one, hear our call.”

“Antiqui ante auroram

cui per hoc immortale

vas manat donum

da nobis aeternum.”

The chanting had lasted for hours. So had the torture. Jason’s Latin was rusty, but he’s pretty sure they were asking an ancient time lord to make them immortal. Somehow convinced that he, or at least bits of him, were the ingredients they needed to make it a reality. A literal pound of flesh, bones and blood.

Then it had all gone silent, and he’d been left here hanging for what felt like hours now.

Alone…

In the darkness…

Fucking Halloween.

~

Fucking Jason. Dick thinks, scowling to himself as he makes his way carefully through Jason’s safehouse. He’s already been caught by two booby traps - because no matter what the younger man says, knives that fling themselves at you from across the room are not a ‘security measure’ - and he doesn’t doubt that there a more to come.

Jason’s been missing for twelve hours now. And normally Dick wouldn’t worry, because frankly, Jason loves drama, and he loves dropping off the radar even more. But he promised Alfred he’d be over for Sunday lunch and he didn’t show. Didn’t respond either, when their pseudo-grandfather called to give him a ‘stern talking to’. The older man had called Dick next, asked him to check in.

Dick could do without the babysitting. He loves Jason, he does. But Jason is still his kid brother, even if he is six foot two of solid muscle, and he’s still a pain in the ass. Dick had plans tonight. Really good ones. Ones that didn’t involve a literal mace swinging down from the ceiling, just because he sat on the couch for five minutes.

Whatever happened to Jason, it didn’t happen here. Knowing him, the whole place is probably set to explode if too many trick or treaters knock at the door… the thought doens’t make Dick feel any better.

He’d tried to access Jason’s files remotely. Had even asked Babs to help with the ones that were off-network. But there was some things Jason still did old school, like surveillance notes, literally written by hand. Physical maps on walls and red strings connecting photos of suspects and post-it notes covered in question marks. That nonsense was normally in his bedroom. Dick just had to get there without getting decapitated by a boomerang or something.

It takes him another half an hour to make it across the apartment safely. It pays off, because the desk in the bedroom has everything he needs, even if it’s none of what he wants.

It looks like a trafficking ring, is meant to look like a trafficking ring. And if it weren’t for one of the photos, of a short man with a pinched face, Dick would probably think it was one too. Jason had been watching them for nearly two weeks, documenting who the key players were and their movements. How they operated and who they reported to.

But it was all a ruse. The short man, Ozul Abaddon, is no trafficker. He’s a cult leader, one obsessed with immortality at any cost. Dick and Bruce had faced him years ago, in the earliest days of Batman and Robin. He must have done his time in Blackgate and finally reared his ugly little head again.

Dread churns in Dick’s gut and it’s nothing to do with having to head back across the apartment. If Abaddon has Jason, then Jason’s in trouble. Big trouble.

“Pennyone?” He puts a call back to the Cave.

“Nightwing.” Comes the response. “How can I be of service?”

“I need you to put the call out to the family. Red Hood’s in trouble. Serious trouble. We need everyone looking for him.” Dick pauses, and in his mind’s eye can see Alfred nod and already get to work. “I need you to send me everything we have on Ozul Abaddon. Bruce and I sent him to Blackgate back when I was still Robin. I need to know how long he’s been out and what he’s been doing. Who he’s with and where he’s doing it. Anything we might have. Send it to Jason’s computer.”

“Very good.” Comes the response. “Sending now.”

~

The chanting is back. So is the knife. By this point, Jason is too delirious with pain and blood loss to do anything but groan into the gag. Let his head roll on his shoulders and his only good leg sag beneath him. He still can’t see anything, still can’t smell anything except the copper of his own blood and the putrid stench beneath it. Still can’t feel anything but pain in his head and his shoulders and his leg, and wandering hands pawing at his body. Fondling at his flesh, searching for where to slice next.

“Sanguis effundet secretum tuum,

sanguis effundet secretum tuum,

sanguis effundet secretum tuum.”

A blade slips beneath his ribs, deeper than any cut before, and hot liquid begins to pour from Jason’s side.

God he hates Halloween.

~

Dick hates being right. When he knows something is bad, damn is it bad. And this? This was really fucking bad.

Once he had all of Jason’s research together, along with Bruce’s files on Abaddon, it only took him ten minutes to figure out where the cult must be operating from. What it is they want from Jason. And in typical Gotham fashion, it’s all kinds of awful. An old abandoned abattoir on the outskirts of the city. Because of course a cult obsessed with immortality would set up base in shop of death. Of course. Couldn’t be an old florist could it? Wouldn’t be a former bakery, or perhaps a nice little coffee house. No, no definitely not. Just a hideous, stinking, old slaughterhouse.

Even from the outside it reeks. An overwhelming stench of decay and rot, drifting out into the night air. Tainting each breath in, with death.

“Thermal imagery from the satellite suggests there could be at least 100 of them in there.” Oracle says over the comm.

Dick is sure he hears Bruce growl at that. Cass actually flexes her fingers, looks a little to eager to get to work. If Dick didn’t feel quite so full of dread, he’d probably be the same.

“Spoiler, Signal, you take the south entrance.” He says. “Batman, Robin, the west. Red Robin, Batwoman you’re on east, Orphan, you’ve got the north. I’ll take the roof.” He pauses. “There’s every chance these guys will think they’re immortal now, so they’ll be fighting with a point to prove.”

“I have a point they can prove.” Damian says, hand on the hilt of his sword. If the situation weren’t so grim, Dick would be proud of such a pun.

~

There’s a noise. A growing din beneath the chanting, and then there’s shrieking. Shrieking and screams and shouts, and the unmistakeable sound of kevlar on flesh.

About bloody time, Jason thinks, sardonically and then suddenly there are hands on him again. But they’re different this time. They’re gentle, careful. Work at removing his blindfold, his gag.

“Morning, sunshine.” Dick says, as the blindfold falls away from Jason’s face. Behind him, the rest of the Bats face off against the cultists. Jason would almost feel touched so many of them showed up to help, if he weren’t feeling so spectacularly awful right now.

“Easy, little wing.” Dick soothes, when the gag doesn’t come away as easy as the blindfold. “I’ve almost got it.”

Jason chokes as it falls away, spits out blood and mucus and god knows what else. “Wha— what took you so long?” He coughs, still hanging limply by his wrists.

“Getting through your safe house is like Raiders of the Lost Ark,” Dick replies. “You got a giant boulder in there too, ready to chase me down?”

Jason has a witty response on the tip of his tongue, but the words are too heavy for him to get out. He slumps against Dick as the older man finally frees his wrists.

“Easy, Jay.” Dick soothes. “I’ve got you.” He manoeuvres Jason to the floor, starts checking over his wounds. “Shit Jay.” He eyes the most recent stab wound. “I’m going to have to pack this.”

Jason shakes his head. “No, no.” The words slur together. “Be fine. Less juss go.”

“I’m sorry, Jay.” Dick says gently, and he’s pulling gauze from his suit. “I’ll be quick.”

“No,” Jason moans. “No, please Dickie, please don’—” He tries to push Dick’s hands away, tries to fight the older man’s insistent care.

Dick holds them down easily as if they were paper. “I’ll be quick, I promi—”

Jason cries out, louder and more desperate than he has all night, as Dick packs the wound with gauze. His fingers pushing deep into the wound. He works quickly, grimaces as Jason screams, every time the knife wound absorbs more and more dressings.

“Dick, please.” Jason sobs, hands still weakly pushing at Dick as he works. “Leave it, just—”

Another scream, and Dick flinches against the sound. Fingers fumbling as they work and then “I’m done, I’m done!” He promises, squeezes Jason’s hand. “You’re okay, Jay. You’re okay.”

Tears still roll down Jason’s temples. He shakes his head miserably. “I fucking hate Halloween.”

~

It’s gone midnight by the time Jason is fully patched up. He’s in the medbay in the Cave. His leg set with a splint, the deep cuts stitched closed, vaseline over the runes that have been carved into his skin to prevent scarring, and an IV line set up into his arm.

Dick pulls up a chair next to the bed. “So,” He begins. “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”

Jason gives him an unimpressed look. “I don’t want any news, can’t you just let me sleep?”

“Bad news first, excellent.” Dick grins. “Alfred is still pissed you missed Sunday lunch.”

Jason’s eyes bug out of his head for a minute. “I was literally kidnapped by a cult to be their sacrifice.”

Dick shrugs. “Sounds like a you problem.”

“You’re such an asshole.” Jason mutters.

“You’re the asshole! Why do you have so many medieval booby traps in your apartment?”

“They’re not booby traps, they’re security measures—”

“They’re booby traps.”

Jason rolls his eyes. “Whatever, dickface.” He grumbles. “What’s the good news?”

“The good news,” Dick replies. “Is that it’s not Halloween anymore.” And for the first time that night, Jason does actually look relieved.

“Happy November 1st, Jay.”

[randomsaddles]

“It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mileage.”

- Indiana Jones (1981)

[dearinglovebot]

maisie is sooo baby butch. I look at her and I see someone who is about to fall in love with her girl best friend and have the worst sexuality crisis. in two years she’s going to cut all her hair off and invest in a baggy pants + work boots combo look.

claire will know before she can even consider it (bisexual feminist gaydar) and owen will not realize until maisie tells them outright (straight man gaydar). claire will tell him of her suspicions and he’ll be like “idk her style isn’t that different than zia or kayla’s. it’s in fashion these days” in complete earnest forcing her to give him A Look. he also suggested getting franklin a girlfriend once so claire was really just setting herself up.

maisie’ll be like “okay guys don’t make a big deal about this but I’m actually only into girls” and claire will be like I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT love you honey I KNEW IT and owen will be like door-stays-open rule applies to all genders.

she will be showered in absolutely egregious rainbow items and owen will buy an I LOVE MY GAY DAUGHTER shirt that maisie refuses to let him wear in public. he is going to anyways because he does love his gay daughter. just like the I LOVE MY BISEXUAL WIFE mug gets mileage. maisie hits her limit when he starts watching ellen to “learn more about gay culture”.

with claire nothing really changes because again she’s been eagerly anticipating this. maisie realizes belatedly this is why claire was always playing shit like xena warrior princess and buffy the vampire slayer on weekends.

maisie will ask him how to get a girl to notice her and he’ll have to be like “just because I landed your mom does NOT mean I know HOW I did it”. because in his mind he kind of just bothered her until she gave him the time of day and he cannot ethically encourage that. claire will be equally unhelpful with “be yourself” lines. maisie is doomed. luckily for maisie, her mother has a medical condition where she can only befriend homosexuals (zia, franklin, kayla). they give her also terrible but more useful advice like shave half your head and invest in leather jackets.

maisie’s first pride is deeply traumatizing. twinks keep assuming her father is a bear and hitting on him while telling claire she’s “serving major cunt” and just seeing her is a “try not to say MOTHER challenge”. to make things worse, claire’s natural canonical butch-stud magnetism is working over time. owen is fighting for his life while a sea of beautiful masculine women toss his wife around like she’s a basketball. she scores both zia and kayla dates that night. all in all a very lovely day that they end with a drag show dinner performance.

eventually maisie will find a beautiful girlfriend and she’ll be terrorized in a similar way with owen’s new “my daughter’s not gay but her girlfriend is” hat. the more they complain the funnier he thinks it is. claire chides him but she secretly thinks it’s a funny bit.