#''don't tell me what to do!'' directed nowhere in particular

[sysig]

Experimentation (Patreon)

[reidmoony-toast]

could you maybe do like a one shot of Spencer x Supermodel!fem reader? Like she does runways for super popular brands like Versace and Victoria’s Secret?

Radiant. ౨ৎ

Spencer reid x fem supermodel!reader

content: established relationship, no use of y/n, spencer being down bad tbh, fluff

cw: Victoria's Secret show, so underwear yk (but no sexualising or anything)

wc: 2.3k

an: This is so exciting, hi first anon req!! I love you so much! Anyways this idea is amazing and I hope this is what you envisioned <3 This isn't my best work, but I tried 😭 Also I based the outfit off Karolina Kurkova's in a 2003 show, but its set in early season 7 soo forget that!

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“Is that her?” Penelope whispers for the hundredth time.

“No.” He huffs, tired of answering the same question for the past ten minutes.

“Patience, babygirl.” Derek chuckles from Spencer's other side. “He'll tell us when she's here. Maybe not with his words, but definitely with his eyes.” Derek flutters his lashes in Spencer's direction, clearly making fun of him.

“Both of you leave me alone, please?” He pleads, sick of their antics. They haven't stopped talking, and it's putting him on edge. He wants to appreciate today. Appreciate you. 

You had been desperately hoping to get this job with Victoria's Secret for months, and you were ecstatic when news of your hire reached you through your manager. You'd been raving excitedly about it ever since, and had begged him to finally come to a show.

He obliged, of course. Partly, because he can't say no to you, and mostly because he has been eager to see you in your element ever since you two had started dating.

Now, he is buzzing in anticipation, which is definitely not helped by Morgan and Garcia's constant remarks.

It wouldn't have been his personal preference to invite them, but you'd insisted, saying it was about time you met Spencer's friends, anyways. 

The show continues, scantily clad girls strutting down the catwalk, angel wings attached to their backs and sequins blinding, but still, you were nowhere to be seen. Spencer fidgets, waiting with baited breath. 

A figure emerges from the side of the stage, turning to strut down the walkway. He freezes, shooting up in his chair from where he was previously slumped. It was you. Undeniably. He could pick you in a sea of people from a mile off, if it came to it. 

His breath hitches. He takes you in. 

There you stand, in all of your glory. He can't quite believe what he’s seeing. Sure, you're self-assured in your everyday life, but this is on a whole new level.

You radiate confidence, striding down the catwalk like you own it. Spencer is utterly captivated by this different side of you that he has never seen in person before.

Sure, he's seen endless pictures—and even some videos—of your modelling, as well as the shows that take place in the comfort of your home; when you put on outfits and strut down the long hallway of your apartment, to loud enthusiasm from Spencer.

These particular one-on-one shows usually end in you dressing in progressively more atrocious outfits, until you’re both prone from uncontrollable laughter.

But this. This was real. It all hits him then—that you are a supermodel, that you do this for a living. That this is your life. 

His chest swells with immense pride at all you have accomplished. You've worked so hard, built your career from the ground up, and it has paid off. Your dreams have finally come true, and now, you're modelling in a Victoria's Secret show, which he is told (by you, of course) is world-renowned. 

“That's her.” Derek concludes smugly, no uncertainty in his tone. Spencer shushes him loudly, eyes fixed solely on you.

You don't falter for a single step as you glide down the stage. You're clad in a sparkly silver bra that glints off the bright lights, sequined mesh sitting below the bra's edge. 

A small pair of matching silver underwear sit below your hips, a glittering garter to match. And, of course, the wings. They protrude from your back, spanning above your head, magnificent and ethereal. Spencer thinks you ought to have a halo to match. 

The feathered angel wings trail down your back, sweeping across the floor behind you as you make your way to the end of the catwalk. 

Garcia and Morgan are saying something across him—most likely about you—but he pays them no mind, not caring for anything else but you, in front of him.

As you near the end of the perilously long stage, Spencer's smile only grows, until he is beaming uncontrollably when you slow to strike your pose. 

Spencer and his company have VIP tickets, courtesy of you, so he has an unobstructed view of you, directly in front of where he is sitting. 

Your hands rest on your hips as you lock eyes with the sea of cameras frantically snapping pictures. 

You look fierce, fiery, and Spencer somehow grins harder. 

As your eyes scan the room, they easily lock on Spencer's, not even ten feet away. His eyes are wide, smile larger than life. 

His lips move, mouthing words to you that you instantly understand, and you light up, a warm glow from within. 

‘I love you’

The luminous smile remains, even when you remember your surroundings. You pose again, grinning all the while and the crowd claps while shutters click incessantly. You pivot, sashaying off, but not before looking back over your shoulder to blow a cheeky kiss in Spencer's direction, winking.

It might just be Spencer's perception, but you seem to shimmer with incandescent light, like your very soul was set aflame with a soft fire. You are radiantly gorgeous—utterly perfect in the eyes of Spencer Reid.

The wink you sent over your shoulder makes him duck his head, face and ears bright red. He is the luckiest man in the world. To have you, all to himself. 

He is still grinning, even as you disappear around the corner. Maybe he is biassed (most certainly), but you were by far the most captivating model up there. Your every move seemed effortless—practised and perfected. 

You drew the attention of everyone, and you kept it. It felt as if the whole room had held its breath as you passed, too busy watching to remember how to breathe. 

Maybe that was just his singular experience. He wouldn't know, and he doesn't particularly care. 

As the show wraps up, Garcia and Morgan are raving—about you. 

“Spencer, I can't believe she is your girlfriend! She is absolutely stunning!” Penny gushes.

The first statement hurts him a little, like everyone thinks he can't possibly be dating a pretty model—but it's definitely true. The second statement, however, is the truest thing he's ever heard in his 29 years of life. 

Spencer chooses not to respond to Penelope, instead heading for the exit. They follow, and Morgan claps him on the back. “You're one lucky man, pretty boy.” He whistles suggestively, and Spencer brushes off his hand, mumbling something under his breath as he is suddenly interested in the craftsmanship of the venue floor. 

He found this hard. Blending his work and home life, introducing you to his family. It's not that he's worried they won't like you—that’s impossible, when it comes to you—it's more that he has trouble combining the two sides of his life in his head, given the fact that he is almost two different people in each. 

He doesn't bring his work home, and he doesn't bring his home to work—mostly. He does, sometimes (too often), ramble on about you and how downright amazing you are. He's only human, after all. 

Mostly, he's scared that it will be a mistake, that the two sides will end up being better off separate, that mixing the two now will have irreparable consequences. 

But, you wanted to, so he’s taking the plunge. For you. Always for you. 

~☆~

Spencer feels like he shouldn't be here. They're in the very depths of the building; models, designers and beauticians alike flit past them, paying them no mind as they go about their business.

He glances over his shoulder at the ajar door that leads to the dressing rooms every couple of seconds, in case you come through and save him from this place—which is the polar opposite to everything that makes him comfortable.

He's here for you, though, and he would endure this for you. Only for you. 

Morgan and Penelope stand a few feet away, at ease and chatting like this is the most normal situation in the world, like they've been backstage at thousands of Victoria's Secret shows.

Just as he's about to go into a nervous breakdown, he sees a flash of movement appear from behind the door. 

“Spence!” A shriek sounds as he turns to see you, bounding towards him. You throw your arms around his neck, nuzzling his cheek.

His hands come up to steady you, curling under the hem of your sweater. He feels instantly less overwhelmed, breathing you in like you're the oxygen he needs to live—like he can’t breathe properly when you’re not near.

You're draped in an oversized knit and comfortable track pants that engulf your frame. The irony wasn't lost on him—you were wearing nothing but showy undergarments not even half an hour ago. 

He loves that about you. That you aren't entirely defined by your job, that you have a part of your life and sense of self cordoned off; a part that isn't affected by the insane world of modelling. He loves that you can be yourself in so many different ways, that you have all these different facets. Just like a diamond, whose sides are all different, but every single one shines just as brightly all the same.

It inspires him to do the same for himself, to have a true self outside of his chaotic job that takes over most of his life. You’ve helped him see that life can be varied, diverse; that there are so many different things—other than one's job—that can make you feel fulfilled. Content. Happy. 

He's happy; truely and vibrantly happy with you. And that is the way he wishes it to stay. 

He chuckles amusedly at your strong display of affection. “Hello to you too, lovely.” 

You pull back to grin at him, albeit a little sheepishly. “Sorry. I'm just so happy you're actually here.” 

His gaze softens impossibly more. “It was long overdue.” He cups your cheeks and leans down to press a lingering kiss to the top of your head. “You were phenomenal.” 

You beam, and draw him closer.

The clearing of a throat brings you out of your reverie, out of the world where there is only the two of you. 

You pull away, detaching yourself from Spencer, eyes flashing with delight. “Hi!” You wave at a shocked-yet-amused Derek Morgan, and an exuberant Penelope Garcia. 

Derek raises his eyebrow at Spencer, probably surprised by how little he cared about your public display of affection. He usually doesn’t even let Garcia hug him unless it’s important. But, like with everything else, you’re different—special. He simply shrugs back. 

“You must be the friends Spence has told me so much about.” She reaches out a hand to shake Morgan's hand. “Derek, right?” 

Derek smirks, “In the flesh.” He grasps your hand, grip firm. “The show was amazing, by the way.” 

“Thank you!” You chirp, brightening further, and Morgan huffs out a laugh.

You pull away, turning to the eclectic women next to him. “And you, must be the famous Penelope.” 

You reach out your hand once more, but Garcia has other ideas. She dives in for a hug, bypassing the formalities immediately.

She pulls away abruptly as you squeak in surprise. “Oh- sorry! I'm sorry.” She blurts out. “I'm just so happy to meet you, finally! Reid has told us so much about you, I just couldn't wait any longer!” She grins broadly. “And you're even prettier than he described, which I don't understand how that's humanly possible, because boy genius over there won't stop talking about how gorgeous you-”

“Woah there, baby girl, slow your roll.” Derek interrupts, patting Garcia gently on the shoulder. You stifle a laugh, glancing at Spencer. He ducks his head, avoiding your eye and shuffling from one foot to another as his face turns pink.

“Sorry!” Penelope flushes scarlet red. “Uhm… what I meant was ‘nice to meet you’.” She cringes at her outburst. 

“No need to say sorry. It's an absolute pleasure to meet the both of you, Spence speaks so highly of you two.” You beam, and Garcia deflates in relief. Spencer’s arm snakes around your waist and under the hem of your sweater once again, smoothing patterns on your bare skin. You lean into his side, a contented sigh escaping your lips. 

“You know, when boy genius here told me he was dating a supermodel, I didn't believe him.” He raises eyebrows, smirking. “But, here you are.” 

“In the flesh.” You flash him a grin, parroting back his own words. He lets out a chuckle. 

“Why is it so unbelievable?” Spencer complains incredulously.

They all laugh at his words, and he hangs his head, sighing dejectedly. You pat him on the chest in consolation.

All of Spencer’s fears are quickly doused as a lively conversation starts up between you and his friends. He doesn’t know why he worried, like if they met everyone would self-combust. No, this was going fine. More than fine, even. 

His breathing slows, sure and steady, and he just watches. Watches you speak animatedly, with a delighted glint in your eye, clearly enjoying Penelope and Derek’s presence. And his friends, his family, seemed to be enjoying her just as much, which he obviously isn’t surprised about, but still fills him with relief. It was okay. It was all going to be perfectly okay.

“How does some dinner sound?” You ask the group, just as Spencer tunes back in.

Penelope claps her hands together, “Yes! I have the perfect place.” 

“Sounds good to me.” Derek replies. “If lover boy is coming, of course. I can't wait to tell lover girl, here, all the embarrassing stories at his expense.” 

Spencer groans, but follows Garcia as she heads towards the door. You just laugh. 

Spencer pinches your side from where you're still tucked under his arm and you yelp. This time, he's the one letting out a quiet chuckle, and you roll your eyes. 

“Come on genius, lead the way.” You look up expectedly from under his arm.

“Anything for you.” He simply replies, wrapping himself around you tighter, before guiding the both of you towards the door.

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Thank you for reading, feedback is appriciated x

Tags: @reidology13 @reidmania <3 - Comment to be added!

Masterlist ౨ৎ

[24hlevi]

Can you do a fluff promt #24 on the second list with chishiya? I love that man sm so it would be nice!

thank you so much for requesting! 🫶

also it's literally 5 in the morning i just woke up im sorry if this is terrible

— SAFE WITH YOU

chishiya shuntaro (alice in borderland) x gn!reader

genre: fluff

summary: fluff prompt ("you're safe here with me. nobody's going to harm you ever again.") from my 2.5k event

warnings: language

after waiting for chishiya outside of the king of diamonds, he appeared to be different. you couldn't pinpoint how exactly, but you were sure that something happened in that game that resulted in him being different towards you, as if he out of nowhere started caring about your opinions and life. the two of you walked in silence as you held the umbrella above both of you due to the rain that was progressively getting worse as time went on.

until he finally spoke.

"what do you think about the value of a human life?"

"what?" you question, turning your head to look over at him.

"i didn't realize it before but, i think of it differently now," he says, looking forward at the buildings.

"what do you mean?" you said, a confused look on your face.

"i mean-"

he was interrupted by a gunshot echoing throughout the city, and when he turned to look at you, you were suddenly on the ground, grasping your side. chishiya's eyes widened ever so slightly as he quickly looked around to see who had fired that shot, and his gaze turned dark when he spotted niragi down the road.

"shit," he cursed under his breath, crouching down beside you. "y/n, y/n, can you hear me?"

"yeah," you nodded, wincing in pain as you held the wound, your eyes closed with your head on the cement.

"i'm going to get you out of here, okay?" he says, a bit of nervousness in his voice you'd never heard before. "c'mon, i'm going to pick you up and we're going to run, alright?"

"okay," you answer, nodding your head again.

chishiya carefully scooped you into his arms, carrying you bridal style and hearing another shot fire. he quickly started running in no particular direction, knowing niragi would follow him, occasionally glancing down at you to make sure you were still alive.

he turned and went into a building, shutting the door behind him and glancing around to see what was in there. an office building. he went down the hall and opened the door to one of the offices, going to the corner and laying you down on the ground.

you had passed out by now, and the blood was seeping through your clothes onto the floor beneath you, and he knew he had to do something fast or else you wouldn't make it. he went through the whole building grabbing items and first aid supplies that would help, and when he returned, he sat in front of you and stared for a moment.

"this is going to sting," he says, putting some rubbing alcohol on a paper towel he found and pressing it onto your wound.

you awoke with a sharp gasp, sitting up and letting out a yelp before chishiya pushed you back down onto your back.

"lay down," he tells you. "i'm trying to make sure you don't die on me."

you laid back down without a response, trying not to think about the words he said to you. this was definitely different. in the whole year you had known this man, he comes out different because of a damned killing game. you don't know what happened in that venue, but you don't really want to know either. you sat in silence as he carefully fixed you up with the limited materials he had gathered in the building, occasionally looking over at him to see how he looked. his eyebrows were furrowed together slightly in focus of stitching the wound closed, and his eyes had a new look in them, one you couldn't quite figure out.

"there, all done," he suddenly speaks, knocking you out of your thoughts.

"thank you," you mutter, slowly sitting up to lean against the wall.

"don't thank me," chishiya shook his head.

leaning your head against the wall, you let out a long sigh. "how much longer do we have to be here?"

"supposedly there's only two more games left," he answered, sitting down next to you. "one is the king of spades, which i've heard is simply a man running around killing all of us."

"great," you mumble. "let's hope he doesn't find us here, then. otherwise i'm done for," you speak quietly.

"don't worry," chishiya shakes his head. "you're safe here with me. nobody's going to harm you ever again."

you look over at him in subtle shock at his words, and judging by his expression, he was shocked by his own words. "thank you," you say quietly.

"don't thank me," he repeats what he said earlier. "i've just come to realize the value of a human life, and you're the most important person in my life."

you almost couldn't believe the words coming from his mouth. was this really happening? did he mean what he was saying, or was he just talking to make you feel better? surely, it couldn't be that. he wouldn't say anything like that in that kind of way. "what are you trying to say?" you ask.

"i love you," he answered.

there it was. the words you had been hoping to hear from him since the day you found yourself in love with him. part of you didn't believe it was possible, knowing the way he was. but, you finally got something good out of this world.

"i love you too."

[ghiblinsm]

Objective 1: Make Anya's lock

Mouthwashing x Jimmy's Daughter! Reader

part 1-ish?

word count: 2,526 words and 13,690 characters

"Reality, such a strange thing to me,"

warning: jingle bob, reader is morally grey but not in a pussy curly way, you may end up hating her depending who your favorite character is.

You jerk awake look over to see Curly heaving and groaning in agony, thrashing as much as he can with...well with his situation. His pained sounds are like nails on chalkboard as you walk over to the small pile of pain killers on the table grabbing one and stepping towards Curly.

"Ok Grant, open wide..." The grossest part is having to touch his nasty jaw to open it wide enough for him to take the pills. Popping one in and closing it back up as shiver crawl up your spine from the sound of his swallowing. "eugh.."

You sit down on a spinning chair near Curly and rest your head on your hand, needing to wait for him to stop heaving and thrashing to know if the pain killer worked, again. God... He smells like shit, guess that's what would happen though if one were practically skinned and lost four limbs and couldn't shower.

He finally stops thrashing and his heart rate returns to normal, his staring problem hasn't been fixed though, his singular eye staring intensely at you and your permanent scowl which deepens as he continues to stare. You stand up and kick the chair away while maintaining eye contact with Curly's eye.

"...What? What'd you want?" His staring continues as his mouth breathing seems to be getting louder and more unbearable. "well?! Speak up!"

"The voices in my head,"

You look at him then to the table and back at him, sighing in frustration as your fist clench. It would be dumb to get mad at him for doing the only thing he can do, stare.

"Whatever," you finally turn to leave as his eye follows your movement, "Anya will come by later, have fun till then I guess."

The door closes behind your retreating figure with Curly still looking in your direction.

You walk past Anya and Swansea talking about Curly and Repairs or something, and head to the main area, where Daisuke is sitting down by the big screen that's displaying a sunset into water and playing on the small console you made a while back with only a singular pixelated game that crashes if the smallest thing goes wrong.

You could care less where he is so that doesn't matter right now.

Despite clearly seeing what Daisuke is doing you still ask, "Hey, Daisuke. What-um whatchu up to?.."

"My friends from my dreams,"

"Hey! Yeah, I'm just trying to get passed this level but it keeps crashing..." He looks a bit slump but hopeful as the game crashes again from one of his choices. "But I swear I'm gonna get it this time!-"

"uhuh, thats nice. Hey, when you were with Swansea earlier, did you guys find any extra parts that weren't needed for the ship to function?..." you lean against the wall to try and seem as if you don't care what the answer is but truthfully...you really need a few parts, to create at least one lock.

Daisuke looks at you for a moment, as if contemplating whether to tell you or not. On one hand, Swansea had told him not to give you any extra parts anymore because quote, 'who knows what she's doing with those parts', but on the other hand you haven't done anything weird with scraps yet...

"Nah, we didn't find anything, are you trying to make something?" Maybe if he knows what you're trying to make, then Swansea will let him give stuff to you!

"Nothing, nothing...was just wondering, don't worry about it i'll- i'll figure something out," you head to the door to leave the main area barely muttering a goodbye.

"Bye?..huh" Daisuke watches as you leave then focuses back on the botched console.

"They whisper to me,"

You mindlessly roam through the empty halls, deep in thought but not thinking of anything in particular. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, you hear this agitating, grating voice from this greasy haired, internalized homo bitch.

"And what are you doing?" you sigh out in annoyance at the slight accusatory tone in his voice.

"The devil's on my shoulder.."

You look up at his face, his brows furrowed but his eye's show irritation. "Nothing, Captain." you learned pretty quickly, after he appointed himself Captain, that for him to leave you alone most of the time, just fuel his ego to be better than Grant.

"Have you made what I asked for yet?" Right...his 'need' for a master key to the rooms that can lock.

"No, I haven't gotten to it." And even if you had the materials, his key wouldn't exactly be a priority.

"And why haven't you gotten to it?" Ugh, the piss baby's getting upset.

"I haven't gotten to it because there hasn't been as many free materials for me to use." Before he speaks you continue, "And even if I had the materials, Anya was the first to start bitching to me about something she needs."

That grabs his attention, what would Anya need? Before you can leave, he grabs your shoulder and turns you back around to face him. "What exactly did Anya say she needed?" his eyes with a sort of craze look.

"How the hell should I know? I told her not to bother me until i've got materials, which seem to be nonexistent anymore on this barren ship." Thats a lie, you know exactly what she wants and why, but you hate Jimmy more then you dislike Anya so why would you tell him?

He stares intently into your eyes, like he's trying to detect if you're lying or not. "You better not be lying."

"I'm not, she's only priority because I had her save her spot by trading me a few pills..." God, when is he going to leave you alone.

He finally backs up and walks away, purposefully knocking into your shoulder to make you stumble.

"But I like the way he sings,"

With a small, irritated smirk, you try to find Swansea. Considering the state of the ship, it's hard to believe that they truly haven't found any scraps you can use.

You find Daisuke and Swansea in a storage room, Daisuke halfway inside a vent and Swansea watching from below, holding the ladder and instructing Daisuke on what to do.

"Hey, Swansea?" He barely jerks in surprise but turns his head to look in your direction, still keeping a grip on the ladder Daisuke's on.

"What do you need?" His gruff, slight accented voice sounds tired...whatever anyway.

"Have y'all found any scraps? Anya has a request for me and I don't have any materials." You know Swansea knows that something happened to Anya, just not exactly what happened, so hopefully he'll give you something.

He contemplates for a bit, likely debating the pros and cons if you're lying. There's silence apart from Daisuke yelping from almost shocking himself which snaps Swansea back.

He's sighs and nods to his left, a pile of scraps that they did indeed find. "it's over there."

"Great, thanks.." Daisuke almost slips off the ladder from the tone of your voice, knowing his lost aura points with you and most definitely fumbled from lying earlier.

"Love me endlessly,"

You grab all the scraps, using your uniform jacket as a bag of sorts to carry the metal and frayed wires.

Once you leave the room Daisuke peek down the vent to look down at Swansea and whines. "You made me fumble the huzzzz."

Swansea looks at him with a confused look, "I made you fumbled the, what the fuck?"

Anya was in the medical room watching over Curly when you come walking in with the scrap, a few tools, and the pills she traded you for the lock.

Anya looks up at you from beside Curly with her half lidded, very much tired, eyes. They widen with some kind of hope at the sight of your splayed-out scrap and tools on the only table in the room.

"What kind of lock do you want?" You get some water from the sink to take one of the pills which will hopefully kick in before you start working so you focus better.

"Um, I guess any that can lock from inside the room." Anya's obviously apprehensive, not to blame her, it's not exactly reassuring to have someone on drugs, making a safety lock that supposed to be a secret from the captain whom she is also related to.

She receives a hum from you then turns back to Curly, surprised at the slight rise in his heart beats per minutes. She stands and walks over to the pile of pain killers. "How long has it been since you gave him his medicine?"

You look up from your botched looking layout to Anya, "what time is it now?"

"And when I wake, have my soul to keep,"

She groans and grabs about 2-3 pills and walks back to Curly but hesitates to touch his jaw, quietly gagging. Annoyed at her for taking so long and acting like a baby you get up from where you were sitting and walk over, "I got it, just don't throw up in here."

She rushes out the room with a trashcan, leaving you to once again touch Curly's buck nasty bloody, burnt, bandaged jaw.

After giving him his medicine, and Anya has yet to return, probably yakking her guts out. The drugs start kicking in and well, the thin filter you had sorta slips as you get to making Anya's lock.

"This was your fault, know," Curly's one eye looks over at you as you talk to him, "you were the one to enable him," you turn in the spinning chair to face his direction but not looking up from a stubborn sheet of metal that won't bend correctly.

"I may have known what he did, but Anya didn't tell me, she told you, and you barely believed her until you saw him having a pussy breakdown in the halls." You look up from finally getting the metal into the right shape and see Curly staring at you with a shaky chest.

"You're worse than me." He sees your dilated pupils before you turn your back to him again as Anya enters.

"Desperately, they beg me not to leave,"

"Hey, Anya?" She turns to see you holding a few weird mashed pieces.

"Hm?"

"Where do you this to be placed?" Oh! oh... that- that does not look like it'll keep her sleeping quarters locked...

"Uh, yeah, just over here." She walks you over to her sleeping quarters and opens the door. Turning once you got inside and points to a spot on the door frame. "Can it be placed here?"

"Yeah, I guess," you grab a soldering gun to attach it to the frame, "here's the key," your hand pulls out a small key from your pocket with your other holding the soldering gun. "DON'T LOSE IT, I don't have enough materials to create another one."

"Okay, thank you." There's a hint of gratitude in her tone as she grabs the key and leaves her sleeping quarters.

"The fire in my eyes,"

You easily attach the new lock onto the door and frame and make sure it's not loose or anything, otherwise some people may be able to break in. It's still weird that the sleeping quarters don't have locks but at least you can actually add them now without getting credits docked, considering pony express, dumb name btw, went bankrupt.

You leave her room and see Daisuke trying to act nonchalant and leaning on a wall nearby...he's not subtle in his motives with the way his eyes rapidly glance at you to see if you're looking. looking at the look then back at him you get an idea.

"Hey, Daisuke?" you're surprised at how fast his head turns to you with the most...irritating small smile rather than his usual, goofy, big one. "Can you help me test out this lock?"

He tries to cooly stride over but stumbles over a few dead wires and then just walks over. "Yeah! totally, what do I need to do?"

"Go into Anya's room, lock the new lock on her door, there should be a latch option.., and tell me when so I'll try to barge in. Tell me if the lock loosens or twitches or something." you make sure to explain in the simplest way possible, so Daisuke understands.

"Got it!" He enters the Anya's room and you hear a fumble of a switch, another sound of a switch, the jingle of the lock, and then the latch.

"is burning at my feet,"

A heavy sigh leaves from you as he probably thought something else was the lock, something turned on, so he turned it off, looked at the keyhole of the lock then finally saw the latch. "Ready!"

You back up a bit then throw yourself into the door, repeating a few times till getting an answer from Daisuke, a very scared Daisuke who genuinely felt a tad afraid from the aggressiveness of the shoves into the door, like you actually were trying to break it down instead of checking the lock.

He comes out a bit shaken but acts really tough, "Didn't even move an inch," he seems a bit proud until...

"You or the lock?" you snicker at his faux offended look on his face.

"For your information, the lock did infact stay put and so did I." He crosses his arms proudly but melts when he hears your words.

"Mhm, you were a very brave baby." you said it jokingly, obviously, so he quickly regains his composure once he realized.

"miles away from his life,"

You bend down to grab your tools as Daisuke seems to want to ask you something but is hesitant to. "He-Hey? do you want to come to my-"

Here comes the father-in-law, the fun crusher, the erratic homo, Jimmy. "What's going on here?"

Daisuke stifles a snicker at the sight of you rolling your eyes as you turn towards Jimmy's direction. "Nothing, I was talking with Daisuke about dumb stuff."

Seems like he grew something down there since he starts demanding shit you definitely ain't gonna follow. "Listen, I am the captain now and my key should be made first, it should be top priority!-"

Shaking your head you cut him off, "Yeah, yeah, you're right, once I get the materials, I'll get started on your key right away." a big fat lie since you definitely won't be working on it anytime soon, it'd be a waste of time and a waste of material. It's better to just put it off and say stuff to make him happy.

"without his love i'm not alright,"

"You better.." wow. . . so ominous and scary better get to work on that key card right away!

"Don't worry your pretty lil head, okay Jimmy? I've got it, you just go do your important little captain things, okay?" you gently start pushing him back towards the cockpit till he eventually grumbles and walks away.

You turn towards Daisuke, "Get a load of this guy." pointing your thumb back at Jimmy's retreating figure. Daisuke bursts into laughter(calm down it ain't that funny) and you two head to the main area.

Objective completed:

Anya will remember your generosity.

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Curly's relationship with you:❤️❤️

Becoming strained as your rambles become more personal and targeted.

Anya's relationship with you:💜💜💜

She trusts you enough and doesnt hate you but can't help but feel uneasy around because of yimpy.

Swansea's relationship with you:🧡🧡🧡

Doesn't hate you but because of your relationship to Jimmy he doesn't always trust you to give you scraps.

Daisukes relationship with you:💛💛💛💛

He's glad to have someone near his age to talk to and hang with that knows what references he makes, his heart beat raises when you two talk.

Jimmy's relationship with you:💙

Very strained from y'all's relationship, he didn't exactly raise you, was only obligated to give you shelter when your mom died, but when you were 18 you moved away and y'all only met again 2 years ago when his was 'introduced' to you from Curly before a shipment trip.

A/N: i feel like daisuke is the most out of character, oof.. but yay! first mouthwashing fic!

[frangipani-wanderlust]

How To Call 911

So most of my followers know now that I started working last May as a 911 dispatcher. Super proud of myself. And now that I am starting (very much still starting) to settle in a bit, I want to offer some tips on how to call 911. So, hold on to your hats.

(no-color version if the yellow text isn't rendering on your screen correctly)

When in doubt, call 911. Don't take this as me encouraging you to jump at shadows. Your neighbors' loud party is not an emergency, google the local non-emergency line and call that. Neither is the dry cleaning not giving you your clothes (I actually got this call on our 911 line). Nor is the fact that you saw a fox inside city limits (also something a real human called 911 about). But if you see a situation unfolding and you think "this seems dangerous, maybe this is 911-worthy" then it's 911-worthy. Don't hesitate. Call.

If you call 911 and you are freaking out, that's okay. If you're in a crisis, you may not remember a single tip I'm about to give you. We are trained for that, we can handle it, just do the best you can. It's not the end of the world to have a hysterical or frightened caller, and these are tips, not rules.

Location, location, location. We can't send you help if we have nowhere to send it to. Ideally, know the address. Failing that, know the name of a business or a church or an intersection. It is not cheating if you read this off a sign. There isn't a set of invisible rules that says you have to have your exact GPS coordinates memorized. Be prepared to describe the location somehow. That way, if our connection drops and that's all you can tell me, I can still send some police out to come find out what's going on and they can ask for medics or firefighters or whatever if needed. But we absolutely must know where to send assistance, it is the first thing we're going to ask.

Location again, but with a twist. The first thing our office says for emergencies is, "911, what is the address of the emergency?" If a building is on fire, tell us where the fire is. If your neighbors are being robbed at gunpoint across the street, give us their address. If you witnessed a car accident, tell us where the accident happened. The location of the emergency isn't necessarily the location where you are. Don't send police and fire to your office building if the wreck is on the freeway.

Answer the questions that you are asked. If the calltaker asks "Is the patient breathing?" don't start in about the seizure they just had (if they aren't breathing, the seizure they just had is not the biggest problem). If the calltaker asks, "Which way did the man you saw go when they ran?" don't tell them about how they broke down your door (if they are running away, knowing they broke your door down does not help the police know which direction to start looking). The particular question you are asked is being asked for a reason, and that reason is not frivolous but in an emergency, we aren't going to stop and explain everything.

Do not launch into a speech. If you're asked a yes/no question, yes or no is all the answer you should give. Your impulse will be to explain the yes or the no because more information is better than not enough, but overexplaining is its own problem. Now, we are hired for good typist skills, and are encouraged to get better and faster, but infodumping means things can get missed. The calltaker is going to have some information they're going to ask for by protocol and probably the option to drill down on some of it if clarification is needed. If you spend five paragraphs explaining your last answer, it delays getting other pertinent information.

Do not launch into a speech, part the second. You don't call 911 for things that happened last week, or even yesterday. Tell me the emergency that is happening right now. Ideally in one sentence. If someone is having a medical issue, and you call 911 about it, when the calltaker asks exactly what happened, do not tell them about how the patient had a surgery 5-and-a-half weeks ago. You called 911. What is the emergency that is happening right now. Don't be telling me about their surgery when the problem you called about is a broken leg. Yes, the surgery may have led to generalized loss of balance that has yet to return which caused the patient to fall which caused them to break their leg. Understood. But you didn't call because of all of that. You called because of the broken leg. Apply this principle to all emergencies.

Don't launch into a speech, part the third. When asked a specific and direct question, do not give an explanation instead of an answer. If the calltaker asks you "Is the weird person on the side of the road actually in the lanes of traffic?" do not explain to them how it's a very narrow roadway (see parenthesis for the story here). Aside from the fact that we're not asking these questions to be funny (see part the second), there's also the fact that now you are coming over as suspicious as hell. If I asked "how did that person on Facebook know what this supposedly missing kid is wearing and where he's going to be at 3:00 today?" and you say "well Facebook is a good way to spread information" I am now extremely suspicious of you.

(Also an actual call I have taken. The man was a totally ordinary guy out for a walk to the store, but this blue collar man walked through a Rich Person Neighborhood™ and according to Lady Catherine De Bourgh on the phone with me, that merited a call to the police. When I asked her if he was actually in the lanes of traffic [traffic hazard call type] versus not [suspicious person call type, on a technicality but technically...], she tried explaining three times that the road was narrow before she finally got the message that I was not going to stop asking until she told me the actual answer and answered "Well, I suppose so, yes." At this point, because she'd been so reluctant to answer me, I no longer believed the man actually was in the lanes of traffic and to this day believe that she lied to try and manipulate the police into a stronger-level response than was actually warranted. Because determining whether she was lying for sure is beyond the scope of my job, I put down what she said, but I didn't believe then and still don't believe now, that she told the truth. The totally ordinary and probably very nice guy was not arrested or hassled at all and was instead given a courtesy ride to the store.)

Be prepared to describe relevant people, maybe including yourself, and that includes race. If you have an asthma attack at a football game, the medics need to know how to find you in a crowd. If you are a black woman, that's gonna rule out everyone who isn't that. If you are a black woman wearing a yellow shirt, blue jeans, and a blue bandana over your hair, that excludes nearly everybody and when the medics arrive, they'll know exactly who to look for. Most of the time, someone's race isn't relevant information. When describing someone to emergency services, it absolutely is and it is not racist to accurately describe the relevant person or people.

There are more tips in the world, and I may come back to this post and add them as they occur to me. In the meantime, please enjoy this short treatise on how to call 911.

[skruttet]

What are your thoughts on Moominvalley's comet special?

I talked a little about it in this other ask response, but overall I was disappointed. I think it's quite telling that the part of it that made me the most emotional was the opening credits 😅

Someone else said it was "underwhelming" and I think that's a good descriptor for it. The rest of the season as a whole already didn't really feel final enough to me, and you'd expect the finale to make up for that and give you that big feeling of wrapping up the whole series in a satisfying way, but it just didn't hit that mark for me.

The actual journey in the first half just wasn't as epic and exciting as I was hoping it'd be, and I think that's partially due to them using elements from Comet in previous episodes so they didn't wanna reuse them again, like the stilts (though surely they could've brought them back...). The cave Moomintroll and Snufkin end up in also feels like a missed opportunity - it's such a beautiful setting, but all they do there is panic, then see the Hemulen, then he leads them out. Idk what exactly they could've done instead, but surely there was something interesting the writers could've come up with to utilise that space more.

The way Snufkin brought up the sun oil was so awkward and forced; I know it was to establish it so that Sniff could have his whole stinky salesman arc in the latter half, but it's really weird how he explains its origin to his friends again even though all of them apart from Snork were there in Fire Spirit! Speaking of, that was a real step down for Sniff, and I would've preferred him to have an arc surrounding the kitten instead. Maybe he spends the time trying to gain its trust or something, and then at the end, finally manages to do so and rescues it to bring it back to the cave.

And speaking of the cave, I didn't like that change, either (honestly I just think I disliked most of the changes they made from the novel tbh lol. like I get they don't just wanna rehash it and want this to be new and original to an extent, but sometimes that can go too far, or just in the wrong direction). It's just really stupid for them to be like "we need to face our fear and face the comet!" it's a COMET! It's not a mysterious noise you hear in the middle of the night that you can investigate, it's a big hot rock that'll kill you all!! And then Groke moves towards it, and ~something~ happens, but this is a family show so they have her moan again at the end to show she's still alive and I love Jack but his delivery of "I'm so relieved" is so weirdly flat that it doesn't help how awkward and unnatural this ending is lmao.

Now this is more of a personal gripe, but I don't like how Snufkin is positioned at the end. When they're facing the Groke, he's right next to Moomintroll, which I like (and also brings to mind Night of the Groke when they faced her together), but then after the white flash, he's not only nowhere near Moomintroll, but not even near their friends? And he walks away WITH THE POLICE INSPECTOR?! Like thank god Joxter doesn't know he's his dad he'd have a heart attack if he found out his son was so chummy with the cops smh. You could maybe argue this isn't even just a personal complaint, and that Snufkin has objectively been one of Moomintroll's most important relationships in this series, so for them to not have some kind of moment or interaction at the end feels wrong.

Something I was going to discuss in that other ask reply but I ultimately deleted because I couldn't find the words at the time was Little My's characterisation. This season in particular made me feel as though she's so, like, mad all the time. And I understand that anger is her thing, but it's usually a cheery kind of angry, you know? But in this series she sometimes just seems so frustrated and upset and although I like that it explores the more emotionally dramatic side of her, I was hoping that by this final season at least she'd be in a more comfortable and happy place. But in this Comet special she's so exasperated and moody with Moominpappa and I wish they just made it feel more like daughter-light-heartedly-poking-fun-at-her-dad, I guess?

Snork is interesting in this special because he plays quite a big role in it, but I also feel so sorry for him cause he's always getting cut off or used by Pappa and Sniff who don't properly listen to him and I just want to give him a big (figurative bc he hates hugs) hug my poor smart boy let him infodump. There's also a moment where he says "I can explain-" and his sister says "Thanks, Snork, but we really need to carry on!" which is so obviously the writers trying to squeeze in Snorkmaiden's characterisation from the book where she's practical in the face of her brother's long-winded meetings, and is a great example of the feminism of her character there, but it just doesn't quite work the same here. Once again just not as natural as it should feel.

On a positive note, I LOVED the look of the comet itself - every shot of it looked so cool and it changed the lighting of the valley in a fun and interesting way. I also liked how Jarmo and Samuli gave the score of the episode a funky sci-fi sound, which helped set it apart as something special for the series. And despite all my negatives, it's still entertaining! It's enjoyable to watch! Just, for someone who had expectations based on the whole series and the novel, underwhelming.

[violentvaleska]

𝑨𝒃𝒚𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

ғᴏᴜʀᴛᴇᴇɴ ��ᵉᵃᵗʰ ᵐᵃʳᶜʰ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴ x ғᴇᴍᴀʟᴇ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟ ᴍᴀʀɪᴀ ᴛʜᴇ sᴄᴏᴜᴛs ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙʀɪɴɢ ᴠɪᴄᴛɪᴍs. ʏᴇᴛ ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ sᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴍᴏʀᴇ; ᴀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ ʟɪғᴇ.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ, ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴏʀᴇ, ᴀɴɢsᴛ

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs: ↫ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜs ɴᴇxᴛ ↬

ғᴀɴғɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀᴏ3

ᴀ/ɴ: ʜᴇʏ ɢᴜʏs, ɪᴛ's ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴀ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ! ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴍɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴡᴀɪᴛ, ᴛʜɪs ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ғᴜʟʟ ᴏғ ᴀɴɢsᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴏʀʀʏ, ᴛʜɪs ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ ;)

ᴛᴀɢɢɪɴɢ: @ajmiila02 @xiernia @sunniisyde @raginginferno267

Shiganshina could be so beautiful. There are wide lands, rivers and plenty of space for all the homeless refugees that currently either live in Rose, Sina or the underground city. You know it will spring back to life in just a year, you know that humanity will win today, but to what cost? Shiganshina is a forsaken hell, the souls of hundreds of soldiers will hound this district by the end of the day and yours might be part of it.

So far, everything has gone according to plan. Eren has successfully closed the outer gate and Armin has discovered something even you didn't see in your visions: Reiner and Bertolt are hiding inside the walls. A clever skit, you won't deny that. While most of the scouts check the surface of the wall, you stand at Levi's side and observe the situation.

"Tell me they will succeed." He speaks almost wearily, looking at you for the first time since last night. Your mood towards him is still sour, so you look at him sideways.

"I don't know. Though I've seen glimpses of this particular scenario. They'll attack soon." You explain, drawing the attention of Erwin, who exchanges a knowing look with Captain Levi. The smaller man nods his head curtly, watching the situation unfold before him as a smoke grenade fires into the air near him.

"Right here! This part of the wall is hollow!" The soldier closest to you shouts, catching Levi's attention as he draws his blade, ready to attack.

In a matter of seconds, everything collapses. Reiner appears out of nowhere and kills the soldier instantly. Next to you, the Captain jumps into action, using his ODM to fly down the wall. You gasp as his blade cuts into Reiner's neck and chest, causing his body to fall to the ground. But he's not dead, you don't know how, but it must be some kind of Titan ability. Levi notices too, cursing under his breath as he backs away from the spamming body on the ground. The strange situation comes to mind as you remember what's going to happen next.

"Behind us!" You scream at the same time as Commander Erwin tells his soldiers to keep their eyes open. Confused, Hange looks at you and opens her mouth to ask what you mean when golden lights blind you. Everyone turns their attention from the freshly-armoured titan in the direction of the source of the light, panic written on their faces.

You turn to face the Beast Titan and his army of what they call Abnormal Titans. There is nothing you can do but watch as the monkey grabs a large, round stone and swings it at the still-open inner gate.

"Incoming boulder! Get down!" The commander warns as his soldiers all drop to the ground except you. You know there's no need, as the beast wasn't aiming to kill, but to block the supply chains and eliminate the horses. Erwin seems to have read the idea of the intelligent titan as well, explaining to his soldiers the true purpose of his move.

"They have another intelligent titan. It's the quarterback type." Armin and Levi let out a sound of surprise at their commander's remark and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Though there may be others." He suspects as you step to his side and shake your head.

“Stop being a brat and get a grip of yourself.” Levi growls and takes your hand into his, surprising you and his Commander who is quietly watching the strange scenario unfold in front of him.

“Levi.” You say his name like it might be the last time you see him and right now you truly think it might be. Tightening your own grip on his hand you give him a small smile before you part away from him.

“I promise to bring as many of them back as possible.” You answer his first question saluting to him as sadness fills your eyes. You take a moment to observe him a last time, butterflies grazing your insides at the way he returns your longing look.

“I wish we had more time.” Is the last thing you say, as you strike into battle, using your gear to follow after your comrades.

You leave Levi feeling empty and perhaps he deserves it for doing the same thing yesterday. His eyes linger on the spot you just stood at, as he feels something strange pull on his heart. It feels like you just took a part of himself with you and he doesn't like that at all.

“I didn't know you two were involved. Honestly, I am surprised.” Erwin comments smiling at his friend warm heartedly.

“Tch. We weren't.” Is all Levi has to say before he leaves as well, into a different direction than you and he deeply hopes that you are wrong about your visions, because he won't be able to deal with another death otherwise.

Heavy breaths escape your lungs as you land on the ground, your eyes on the seemingly dead Reiner Braun. His nape is blown off and his body not moving as the thunder spears have done the trick to defeat him. You gape at the body you once thought to be a friend of yours until you predicted his betrayal to humanity. You wonder if he knew you before all of this, as he works closely with the beast titan. He might have, otherwise he would have killed you the moment he found out about your special gift. You appreciate the fact that he didn't though, which makes you now feel a little uneasy at the sight of his still armored titan. The others cheer, happy about the accomplishment of having defeated the traitor and enemy. But you know that it's not over yet, soon Bertolt will make his presence clear and as long as your visions hold truth it will take too many lives. Could you save them? Could you prevent it?

You look up into the sky, white clouds covering the endless blues as wind blows through your hair. But something breaks the picture; a round object cutting through the air at high speed, it's oddly shaped form spinning and swirly.

“What's that?” You hear a member of Hanges squad ask, perplexed as to why a barrel is thrown over Shiganshina.

“Not good.” You whisper as you notice something or rather someone crawl out of said wooden barrel, making you instantly look up to your squad which has taken its position on the rooftops.

"Hey! Go to Eren and stay with him. I don't want to see any of you running around freely.” You demand, sounding almost as harsh as Levi, but it has the desired effect as your friends quickly use their ODM to manoeuvre towards the attack titan. You, on the other hand, stay on the ground and walk towards the collapsed armoured titan. You need to make sure that Reiner is dead, because if he's not, you'll be in big trouble later on.

Hange leads her squad into the air, telling them to follow Bertolt's lead. Ignoring her, you take each step as you approach Reiner, your heart pounding. If he weren't already dead, you'd have to kill him now, and while you feel conflicted at the thought of having to face him and kill him, deep down you know it's the only way to save at least a few lives today. The moment you reach the titan's body, a yellow light colours your surroundings as your eyes widen in shock. Loud, electric thunders and explosions fill your eardrums and you twist your body at the same moment as the radius of the colossal Titan's transformation hits you, its wave whipping you back with such force that it takes your breath away.

Your body is a limb, ripped from the ground as the surrounding buildings shatter from the shockwave, its pieces colliding with your body, ripping your skin and breaking your leg as an ugly scream escapes your lips. There's barely time to register what's happening to you, yet it feels like time has been slowed down as you're hurled through the air in slow motion. Nothing is there, yet all at once your head is filled with memories of the past three years. But this time it's not a vision, no, this time it's your life passing by, showing you the last moments of your life. A few seconds later, you crash into a wall of rocks, stopping your body from spinning any further.

Your head hits the rock, and your shoulder blade and rib cage take most of the fall, fracturing them as well. It feels like the air is being forcefully squeezed out of your lungs as your body slowly slides down the wall, leaving a red trail of blood behind it. Your eyes slowly close as your head lolls forward, your limbs buckling as the right elbow of your arm sinks into a subluxation. "Is this it?" You wonder, coughing for air as the darkness swallows you into a deep hole.

"Is this the end?"

Levi is exhausted. He's covered in titan blood and he's damn tired. The hood's inhuman liquid slowly turns to smoke as he finishes off the last stupid humanoid creature that used to be human.

"Fuck." He curses as he realises that he doesn't even have time to take a break as the blonde lunatic who owns the Beast Titan has fled the scene with the help of the cart titan. With the last of his strength, he uses his equipment to climb the wall that stands between him and the last of the soldiers. He hopes at least some of them survived, after all he didn't quite have time to follow the events inside the walls.

He lands on the wall not as gracefully as he usually does, breathing heavily as he looks down at the roofs of the district, quickly noticing the strange image in front of him. There, not far from him, on one of the rooftops, are Eren Yeager and the traitor Bertolt Hoover, their bodies facing another building on which the enemy titan is hovering, carrying the bastard who killed his comrades. Exhausted, Levi lets himself slide over the edge, falling freely down the wall before activating the grapple and securing his fall on the nearest wall. His gas is low and his blades are basically useless at this point, while his body is severely weakened. He crashes to the roof where Eren is holding Bertolt, a heavy breath escaping his lungs as he turns to the boy, stressed. He could still make it.

"I've used the last of my gas. Quick, give me your equipment so I can go after him." He holds out his hand and at the same time notices another body behind Yeager. He can't make out who it is, it's badly burned and unrecognisable. But Levi doesn't have time to speculate now, his first priority is to finish off the ape like titan.

"Hurry!" He urges at the same time as a choked cough rings through the air and to his surprise the burnt body moves slightly, its chest heaving into the air as blood flies from its open mouth. Eren's eyes widen in sheer shock as he slowly turns to face the horrifying sight. The boy immediately jumps to his friend, screaming at him to keep going, to survive. The image is heartbreaking and sickening, it stinks in Levi's heart as he watches the scene, barely noticing that Mikasa has arrived at his side.

"Captain! Get the syringe!" Eren cries in panic, tears running down his cheeks in utter despair. Levi looks down, averting his eyes from his subordinate with a dark expression on his face. "Turn Armin into a titan, then we can let him eat Bertolt." He pleads with Captain Levi, clutching desperately at Hoover's unconscious body.

"Hurry up and inject him!" Ere's voice is high and full of sorrow as he can't understand why his role model isn't responding to his pleas. It takes Levi a moment to realise that the boy is right, and that Erwin would have wanted it this way, before he slips his hand under his coat and pulls out a small metal box from his inner pockets.

"Right." is all he dares to say as he offers it to Eren. He has to face the fact that there is no way he will be able to follow the wagon and the beast titan now, and it would at least be a victory if they got the colossal one in the process.

Another gasp makes the Captain pause and look to the side of the roof, where he notices a pair of hands appearing on the edge. This time, it's his turn to gulp down the body secured to Floch Forster's back.

"Levi, Captain," the new scout whispers, happiness colouring his features as he climbs up the roof with the last of his strength, the barely alive body of none other than Captain Erwin Smith slung over his shoulders.

“I finally found you. It's the Commander. He's hurt! His stomach is gouged and his insides are all torn to shreds. The blood just won't stop."

Erwin is terribly pale and there is hardly any sign of life in him. Still, Levi feels a knot in his stomach as he realises what this would mean for his dear friend and the scouts. He would be able to save the Commander, the man who has led the Scouts to greatness in recent years. It would mean that his dream would come true and that he would finally see the world out there, something he has been fighting for all these decades. He glances at Floch and the others for a moment, realising that his decision would determine their future. He needs your opinion now, otherwise this wont work out to humanities benefit.

"Where is Faye?" He asks aloud, glaring at Mikasa with a troubled look in his cold eyes.

"I need her to tell me the outcome of this." Levi immediately recognises the expression on his possible cousin's face, the way it trains from colour as she opens and closes her mouth. His heart ages at the realisation of what her silence means, and his body stiffens as another wave of sadness rises in his chest. Swallowing his inner torment and pain, Levi pulls back his still outstretched hand as he presses the box against the heavy pressure he feels on his chest. Trying to clear his mind of the outrageous images of the many ways your life could have ended, he turns his full attention to Private Forster, helping him lay Erwin down on the hard bricks of the roof.

"He's weak, but he's breathing." He announces, feeling a faint breath of air against his hand as he checks his status.

"Erwin, you are alive." Speaking the truth into the silence makes him feel the urge to seek you out, to see for himself if you're still alive. Maybe Mikasa was wrong and he could save you instead. But deep down, Levi knows that it would take too much time, and in the end, it would take away their chance to fully transform someone into the colossal titan.

"You know it has to happen. Erwin gets the shot." Levi finally says out loud what's been on everyone's mind as Eren growls in pure aggression and stands up to tower over Levi. Sadness consumes him, while Levi is filled with numbness. He lets Eren speak his mind, but doesn't break under the betrayal he's just slapped in the titan shifter's face.

"I will revive the person who can save humanity." His words cut deep, pushing Mikasa over the edge as she pulls her blade free and stares at her Captain with an emotion he's never seen before: fear.

He knew the two brats wouldn't be compliant, but he hadn't expected them to attack him in another argument about his decision. He is able to fend off Eren, hitting him on the cheek with the box as force and gravity play their part in knocking him down hard, but he isn't so lucky with Mikasa, as she throws his already strained body off and hovers over him with her blade at his blow. She cries in agony, fighting Levi with tears in her eyes that remind him far too much of the same pain he endured when he saw his friends die all those years ago. He feels their pain, but he can't help them and plays into their hands. Even now, when Eren begins to remind him of Armin Arlert's great spirit, he still can't give in, not when there is a chance to save his leader, his own friend.

But there is something Floch says that catches his attention. "If we're going to stand a chance against the Titans, we need a devil! I realised that's what Erwin is." Levi's eyes widen again at the realisation. Yes, Erwin is the devil and you were his pawn, his little ace to play when things didn't go as planned. You saw him die, Erwin knew he was going to die and yet he decided to go ahead with his plan to retake Wall Maria. Levi must accept the fact that Erwin came here to fight one last time, to bring victory to humanity at the cost of his own life. His death was written in faith, and who was Levi to question what was decided for Erwin in the first place?

With the appearance of Hange and the rest of his team, Levi is freed from the hysterical girl, now held back by his only other living friend. He prepares the syringe, looking between Armin and Erwin, teeth gnashing and a frown on his bloodied face. He blocks out Mikasa's sobs and Hange's loud, arguing voice to concentrate on his decision. His eyes dart from one to the other as he closes them for a second, trying to imagine what would happen if he used it on the wrong one. In the end, Levi makes up his mind, and much to everyone's surprise, it's not Erwin who gets the shot. It was a close call, but Levi remembered: Erwin has become the devil and led hundreds to their deaths to reach the cellar. He has chosen his own death, and Levi won't be the one to follow him back to hell.

Having discovered and secured the interior of Dr Yeager's cellar, they have decided to collect the bodies of the fallen in the hope of burying as many as possible. Hange's entire squad, including Moblit, have been decimated by the colossal titan's transformation, their bodies reduced to ashes. The majority of the dead are within Wall Maria, and they would certainly need help to bring them all back to their families.

"Mikasa. Where is her body?" Levi asks the black-haired soldier, his voice raspy and his body aching from the war. Mikasa and Jean exchange a look, as the taller one sights and gestures to the Captain to follow after him.

"She was about to kill Reiner when Bertolt transformed. The blast was too strong and she crashed into a wall. Before that she told us to stay with Eren to be safe." He informs Captain Levi, clear sadness breaking through his usually cocky voice.

After walking around the block, Levi stops and stares straight ahead, his eyes locked with a hunched figure lying in an unnatural crouch under a blood-spattered wall.

"I'll leave you alone." Jean offers in a hushed voice and slowly backs away, giving his captain the space he needs. None of his subordinates knows the nature of their relationship, although there have been quiet rumours since Eren's trial. The fact that Mikasa Ackerman saw them in the woods all those nights ago certainly didn't help their case. Levi slowly makes his way to your body, his heart pounding against his chest as he reaches you, the silence slowly becoming suffocating.

The first thing he notices is your dislocated leg and shoulder, then the many cuts and scratches all over your body. Your head and face are covered in your own blood from a severe head wound. Your skin underneath is pale and drained of all colour. He remembers how you blushed at him, making him feel even sicker. Levi slowly breaks down, falling to his knees as he closes his eyes, trying to keep the tears from breaking through his lids, but it's no use. When he opens them again, a few drops find their way out and roll down his cheeks as he finds it impossible to breathe.

Captain Levi leans down, devastated by the sight of your motionless body. You told him your visions would end today, and that you always suspected your end was near. He didn't believe you, or rather, he didn't want to. How could he?

"I'm sorry." He whispers as he leans down to hold you to him one last time. The first thing he notices is that your skin is warm, not cold like his dead mother's hand. The second thing he finds to be strange is that your fragile form has had the rigor mortis to set in just yet and it must have already been three hours since your passing.

But then he feels it, the faint breath leaving your lips, tingling his cheek and the barely perceptible rise and fall of your chest. At first Levi thought his mind was playing a morbid trick on him, but after checking again Evi is sure that's not the case.

"Faye!" He shouts, gripping your shoulder as if to shake you awake. But it's no use, because Levi is already thinking about his next move. He simply scoops you up in his arms and quickly makes his way to his comrades, a mixture of relief and a furry twist in his stomach.

Whoever confirmed your 'death' will have to face the consequences as the Captain sees fit.

[reginalusus]

I feel like people trying to justifying 'hating' Spamton usually come up with the one of the two excuses: "he's so popular, I'm just sick of him," - which I think is a very silly (albeit innocent) reason, sorry - or "he's not interesting or significant enough in the game to warrant the popularity."

I disagree.

For the record, before I continue, I couldn't give less of a fuck if you don't like him, lmao, you do you, BBG (why are you looking at my blog in the first place? You'll die of vex! I'm a big ol' simp). There are popular characters in other media I also don't like but I don't have the time or energy to go around boasting why I dislike them. Reality is depressing enough, I'd much rather focus on stuff I actually like.

Anyway.

While I do agree that Spamton probably isn't major in terms of the entire canon of Deltarune, I feel like there's so much nuance to him that it's kind of incredible. People seem to forget about the sweepstakes.

I don't need to go into his backstory. We all know about that and it's one of the main draws of him. He's a tragic, relatable, timeless character, and while his popularity will wane while we enjoy the other chapters, I still feel like this fandom will still love and talk about him, much like how the Undertale fandom still loves and fixates on Sans, Papyrus and Mettaton in particular. At least, I will, lol. And this is coming from someone who doesn't get attached to characters easily, at all. Not to this extent.

Anyway, continuing on with the 'nuance, interesting' point:

I've spoken about this before, time and time again, but the fact that Spamton is a direct foil to Kris, knows about souls, knows about how this world works (and is horrified by it) just seems pretty major to me, IDK. That's not even delving into the sweepstakes.

I know the whole interaction between Spamton and Noelle is kind of speculation, so I'm just going off what I've seen and read what other people have discussed in regards to these two here:

The idea that Noelle and Spamton have spoken to one another and have (maybe) discussed Dess (speculatively), is just mind-blowing to me. Dess still has a huge question mark over their head. We don't know anything about them except that they're missing, but the fact that Spamton knows some stuff (speculatively) because of Noelle just... I don't have any words. The fact that Spamton thinks Noelle is the Angel (something we know is important in the lore) is fascinating to me.

Perhaps Spamton is just a stepping stone to what other secret bosses may elaborate on in future chapters. Realistically, that's probably the case.

But Spamton himself and the dynamic between he and Kris will ALWAYS stick with me, no matter how good the other secret bosses are. The Snowgrave Spamton fight has a permanent burn mark in my brain. I will never get the image of Kris being canonically traumatised by this man out of my head.

The fact that Spamton was sort of the first character to reveal the existential horrors that the world of Deltarune entails is remarkable to me. Yes, Jevil sort of did it first, but nowhere near to the extent and depth Spamton did.

Anyway, self-indulgent discussion over. I hope we do see our beloved salesman again (we probably won't, and if we do, it most likely won't be until the end). I know he's just chilling in Kris's pocket right now with Jevil. But I have an image that in Chapter 7, we'll see all the secret bosses again. Maybe.

Maybe we'll get a cutscene sort of like the True Pacifist cutscene at the very end of Undertale, where we see all the monsters enjoying their new lives above ground. Maybe we'll see the secret bosses be happy. Maybe we'll see Jevil reunite with Seam. Maybe we'll see Spamton finally making it as a salesman again, and reconnecting with the Addisons. IDK.

Anyway, can you tell I fucking love Spamton.

[androgynousblackbox]

How To Lose A Lucifer In 10 Days. 4 [Appleradio, Radioapple]

Step 4: Have disagreements

On the next morning, Alastor found that the new bed had dissapeared alongside with the tiny king. Everything on his room was completely exactly the same as it was yesterday. However, any lingering hope he had that the tiny king could have either solved his own problem already or everything was too realistic dream quickly vanished when he came inside the kitchen on the morning.

The smell of cooked meat was what attracted him. Raw meat was usually his predilection, mostly out of convenience, but not even the most stubborn cannibal in all of hell could deny that what his nose was catching was positively alluring. But it was less so when he realized the one doing the cooking was the king himself, casually managing multiple pans with bacon, eggs and french toasts and, of course, one of them making pancakes that kept turning them on new plates that magically flew to the table.

At the same time, as if to show off none of that was costing him much effort, he was also talking with Charlie standing at her side.

"Yeah, you have a sister in my side" was saying the little monarch, dashing finally the possibility that he was their original one waking up with a particular good mood to serve everyone. "She fell for questioning Heaven too much, so me and my Alastor took her in. We adopted her officially and she stays at the hotel with us."

"And how is she?" Charlie's smile was big and genuine over her tea, fascinated with this alternative version of her life.

"I think you know her already" sang Lucifer with a cheeky smirk. "She used to be a powerful seraphim that, I believe, supported your ideas when you went up to Heaven? A very cute girl not afraid to stand up for her beliefs?"

Charlie gasped, her mouth making a perfect oh.

"No! Are you telling me that Emily is my sister?!"

"Like I said, she questioned Heaven too much and she had nowhere to go. Besides, my Alastor liked her already for uh… you know, being the only angel that listened to you. It wasn't a hard decision at all. She is adapting really well to hell, all things considered. You and Vaggie help her a lot."

Alastor would have caught that little moment of hesitation and archived it on his mind later as something that he could use. But all his attention was caught instead by the deer head that was still laying on the counter. The deer head without a body from the kill he brought just yesterday and he was planning to eat later on.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked, materializing next to the king in an instant.

Charlie jumped in place at the sudden aparition, a little of tea spilling out from the side of her mug, but the king just looked up to him with an easy smile.

"Oh, hey! It's going to be a ready in a about minute now. Why don't you sit down until is down?"

Alastor stood there, perplexed.

"What."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You like it raw" said the king, pointingly ignoring the short laugh that came out of Angel waiting for his breakfast at the table or the loud ssh Husk directed at him. "But trust me, cooked is not that bad either. Cooking can be pretty relaxing and considering I am, you know, stuck away from everything and everyone I know and love, I thought hey, why don't I make myself useful around here. This is not the whole deer, there is still some meat left on the fridge, so if you really hate this one you can grab it. Hell, I will even get you some more myself if you are still hungry."

A moment of silence passed through. Silence from Alastor at least, while the king seemed to be content enough with humming to himself as he worked.

"That is very nice of you, papa" said Charlie, frowning at Alastor as she patted the back of the tiny king. "It smells delicious."

Alastor really considered just going to the fridge and grab his meat to enjoy himself in the privacy of his own room. But that damn smell was turning his mouth into a fountain and well, it was going to be a waste of meat if someone didn't enjoyed it. Lucifer had put enough meat there to feed all residents at once and he knew they weren't going to eat it all, so there was clearly no other choice but to do it himself. He moved over to the table, still keeping watch over the cooking process just in case the king decided to slip some poison or mess with it on some other way.

"Years of practice, duckling" said Lucifer, casually flipping the pancakes on another pan with his own hand.

When the bacon and eggs were ready, he quickly served them on a plate and send it to the table, to the expecting hands of a hungry Angel who moaned loudly in delight. Husk rubbed his head, but when Lucifer's magic gave him his own plate, Angel looked at him as if saying "see what I mean?" None of them seemed to notice the full trash can on a side to the kitchen. Alastor saw a bunch of disregarded cooked meals there and wondered how many that tiny king had made in actuality. Since he could actually just duplicate anything he wanted, he could have gone at it for hours without any intention of feeding it to anyone, like a compulsion.

Charlie chuckled.

"Is that how you call your own Charlie? It's so cute!"

"Your Lucifer doesn't?" The king looked surprised at that. "How does he call you?"

Charlie scratched her neck, looking to the side.

"Well… when I was a kid, he used to call me apple pie a lot. And Charchar, I guess."

If he noticed the evasive tone of Charlie, Lucifer didn't showed it.

"Aww, apple pie is adorable too!" Lucifer smiled bright. "Maybe I should use that with Emily. I still haven't thought of a nickname cute enough for her. Do you mind?"

"No, of course not" Charlie smiled back and accepted the plates with a bunch of pancakes and more bacome Lucifer gave her. One for her and another for Vaggie, she understood. "Thanks, papa!"

"You are welcome, sweetie!" Lucifer continued working.

"Do you all hear that?" commented Angel, throwing a glance towards Alastor. "It's that the lack of a fight early on the morning? Peace and quiet for once? Who knew that was even possible?"

Alastor narrowed his eyes at him in such a way that Husk put a hand on Angel, warning him to keep quiet.

"Geez, is usually that bad around here?" asked Lucifer, carrying easily a big plate that contained the cooked meat for Alastor and his own plate of chocolate pancakes. His own mug with tea floated at his side as he sat down. Alastor took care to not lick his lips as he sniffed the meat, snearing when he only find it to be absolutely appetizing. Lucifer didn't seem to take any offense to it. "My Alastor and I have disagreements here and there, but it's never to the point we can't share a meal."

"Bad is putting it lightly" commented Vaggie, glaring briefly to Alastor as he finally dared to take a single bite. "I think this must be only the second time that a Alastor and Lucifer ever shared the same table. The first was bad too."

Ignoring her completely, Alastor digged his claws on the table when realizing it was, in fact, absolutely delicious. He cursed this tiny king as Lucifer didn't even looked on his direction to gloat about it. Instead he was looking at Vaggie.

"Huh" Lucifer took a sip of his mug, as if not sure if he should make his next question. "Would that… have anything to do with the big hole on the lobby?"

The entire table fell into silence for a moment. Even Alastor flinched a little, prefering to concentrate on his own meal than on anything else happening around him.

"Oh" said Lucifer, taking that as his response. "Sorry for bringing it up then."

"No, no, it's okay" said Charlie, her smile thinner than usual, but still sincere. "You had no way of knowing that, so of course you would be curious. Especially if you and your Alastor have another dynamic entirely."

"I mean, he is my husband, so one would expect we would know how to be around each other by now" Lucifer shrugged slightly.

On the other side of the table, Angel almost choked drinking his own coffee and he hit his chest a couple of times before speaking.

"Your what?" asked, his face fighting between incredulous and just laughing, his eyes going from Lucifer to Alastor, who was fully refusing to engage on any of this. "Charlie told us that you were friendly with each other and you had your own Charlie together, not that! Not that any of that isn't alredy weird as fuck."

"Uhm, yeah" said Lucifer, thinking that not even his own Angel had reacted that badly when he appeared on the hotel for the first time. "85 years and counting" added with a little smile, knocking the wood of the table.

Alastor stopped for a second, but renewed his eating as he ignored the twist on his stomach. 85 years was almost his entire life in hell. It was more years than he ever spend alive.

"Oh, shit" Angel smirked, supporting his chin on his hand. "I have to hear the story behind that already! No offense, Smiles, but I always thought you were the type to prefer to tap yourself before anyone else."

Alastor narrowed his eyes at the pornstar. Not that he was entirely wrong either, the only mistake being that he did not want to tap anything at all, but he still didn't appreciate the especulation around that specific topic. There were so many infinitely more interesting things to talk about him than something as vulgar and trivial as that.

"Hey, come on, that is not nice" said Lucifer before he or Angel could say anything else. "My Alastor is just different, can we just leave it at that?"

Alastor refused to look at the king, even when he knew that Lucifer threw a glance at him, and opened up his mouth further to grab bigger chunks, swallowing bones in the process and breaking it appart with his teeth. Husk made a face at him, but wisely kept quiet. Niffty tried to imitate him, chunks of her food spilling out of her.

"Whatever you say, king" Angel shrugged, leaving the subject for now. "My curiosity still needs to be fed, though."

"Yeah, figured" Lucifer sighed, putting his mug down. "Listen, normally I would love to tell you guys all about it. That is what we did for my Charlie all the time too, tell her stories about us and our lives together. But I would much prefer to find a way home first as fast as possible. We were already separated once before and we got just everything back to normal. I don't want to miss that. Please?" added, looking up to Charlie, whose tender heart could never miss the pained look on this version of her father.

"Yes, absolutely" Charlie looked the time on her phone and finished her tea with a final gulp. The pancakes had already dissapeared from her table. "I think Stolas should already be awake now. Let's go."

She stand up from the table, telling Vaggie to stay in charge of the hotel and kissing her forehead. Lucifer finished up his breakfast as well. He looked over at Alastor and for a moment Alastor stared back, as if daring him to ask if he wanted to come and give him the chance to just say no. Lucifer turned his eyes away first. Apparently realizing it was a waste of time, Lucifer sighed and followed Charlie. Alastor felt something brush against his ankle, but when he moved his shadows to catch it wasn't there anymore.

"Hopefully you will be seeing your own Lucifer soon" said the king instead of seeing you later, obviously hoping he wouldn't have to. "Nice to meet you all again."

With that, he took the hand of Charlie and they both dissapeared through a portal.

--

Alastor woke up and sat, not looking at the other side of the bed. A portion of his shadow came back to him with the memories of following the other Lucifer around the hotel, looking for whatever room happened to be free, which was still most of them. In the dark his shadow contemplated this other Lucifer changing with magic and plopping into his bed with a groan, falling asleep without any major concern or worry too big to keep him awake with anxiety.

Alastor rubbed his temple, realizing the same thing he had already thought the moment that Lucifer was revealed to not be his. He could look like him. He could talk like him. He could even move like him. But it wasn't him and his presence did not bring at all the same kind of comfort at all. Keeping an eye out for him was more out of a need of just seeing a Lucifer than because he wanted to check on that one, like a bad habit for whome now he had to rely on a less desirable alternative.

He was so used to keep Lucifer near him, that seeing his face but waking up alone just made him feel sick with a need and anger he could barely conceptualize to himself.

A knock on the door took him out of his thoughts and he changed quickly. The knocking didn't sound urgent, but he still rushed in to open. It could be Charlie announcing that Stolas had found the solution, that now they knew how to bring her papa home.

"Alastor" said Emily, going up to hug him as soon she was able to. She buried her head against his chest and squeezed tight. "Charlie told me about what happened to Lucifer. Are you okay?"

Alastor's shoulders relaxed a little. He resigned himself to hug her back and pet her short, grey hair. She had seen him at his lowest in Heaven, of course she would want to check on him as fast she could.

"Did you came all the way here for that?" asked, as if it was a silly thing to do and Emily lifted her head, pouting. "I am fine, dear. If you wanted me to be even better than that, you can tell me if Charlie got any news from our friend Goetia."

"She and the other Lucifer are eating something before going. If you want I can bring you something here" offered Emily, finally letting him go but her yellow eyes looking just as concerned as ever.

She probably thought that seeing the other Lucifer could be too hard. Or that they could get into another confrontation like the one last night, the one Charlie or Vaggie surely must have told her about. It wasn't an entirely unreasonable thought. Alastor had to see the place in front of his chimney with one less chair to know that. But he would be dammned again if he let a fucking imitation of his husband turn him into a coward.

"Don't bother, my dear" said, showing off his best smile. "I have handled Lucifer very well on my own and today is not going to be the exception" assured, putting an arm around her shoulders towards the door.

Away from the empty space on his bed that his tentacles had already fixed again.

"But this is another Lucifer" said Emily, looking up. "And I don't think him and his Alastor were friends where he came from."

Alastor had gathered as much already.

"We don't need to be friends" commented easily, taking her with him to the elevator. He could wrap her into his shadows downstairs, but taking a little bit to face that other face wasn't going to hurt anyone. "We just need to manage to not kill each other enough for my husband to return, that is all. If he cares about Charlie half as much as he claims, he will know to control himself."

"He had no idea who I was" said Emily, pressing the button in the elevator and stepping inside. Alastor saw her looking down, looking her blackened fingers. "Apparently the Emily of his side didn't fell, despite being on the side of Charlie."

"That is unfortunate. For her" said Alastor, squeezing her shoulder. "That Emily doesn't have a family like ours then. You should pity her."

Emily sighed, leaning against him as they descended. Probably mulling over everything that she could have done different and everything that turn out wrong. Everything that separated her from another version of herself.

"I prefer this version of us" said Alastor, sincerely, and brushed some portion of her bangs out of her forehead. "Charlie is amazing, of course, but I don't get to speak about books with her as much as I get to do with you. Why, if talking with you I finally learned what is the appropriate name for those ugly flowers that eat bones in the garden. How could I have such knowledge if you weren't here, dear? I would have to investigate it myself and who has the time for that?"

Emily giggled, looking up. Alastor patted her between her shoulder blades.

"Stop worrying your head with possibilities that never were, dear. We all have to learn to live with the decisions we made. Yours gave Charlie a sister and my husband another child to embarrass with his antics. They gave me another daughter. How can they ever be wrong?"

Emily smiled fully, giving him a sideway hug until the doors of the elevator opened up.

"Come on" she said, taking his hand. "Let's hope we can bring my papa back."

Alastor let her take him, already imagining the teary eyes in Lucifer if he heard that. On the kitchen, the other Lucifer was having some cereal in a bowl as Charlie was eating cookies at her side. In the center of the table there was a bunch of pastries the other residents were taking, absolutely delighted with them. She was being throughfully entertained with some anecdote of his and Alastor could not care less about what it was, but he did not like the way this other imposter was so casual about touching his daughter's shoulder for emphasis.

When Emily passed at her side to go make her tea, Charlie looked up and smiled big.

"Dad!" said, lifting herself to greet him with a hug.

An extra hard one, similar to the one Emily had given her. Alastor knew that he had to appreciate she had also being concerned about him, but all he could do was glare at the other Lucifer as he hugged her back, as if marking his territory. The other Lucifer just smirked at him as if sharing a personal in joke.

"Grab something to eat and then we can go, dad" said Charlie, squeezing his sides some more for the last time.

Alastor looked at the table, full with sugary things covered in more sugar and probably filled with sugar too. The other Lucifer had lost interest on him and grabbing another piece of pastry.

"I will prepare something for myself, dear" assured, petting his hair as he went to prepare it.

On the fridge there was only a chunk of meat with his name on because he still haven't gone for more. Containing a groan, Alastor brought it up with him to the table after burning it for a bit on his hand. It wasn't the best cooking method, but didn't feel like anything else. He sat next to Emily and Vaggie, in front of Charlie as he returned to her seat.

"Oh, so you still like things like that here too" commented the other Lucifer. "At least it's not a full carcass like the other guy would have."

Alastor would have much prefered him to stay quiet. To stop using that voice and those lips that were almost right, but were entirely wrong instead.

"Oh, I love those too" said with a grin. "I just forgot to go pick up more. Maybe later I can go grab some sinner's torso to enjoy with my husband for dinner."

Lucifer made a face like he smelled something rancid, but it didn't last long.

"Is that all you do together? Eat other beings that were talking your same language before being killed?"

"No, just one of the ones we enjoy the most" said, showing more teeth. "We do other things as well. Like not ruining the birthday of our daughter with a full blown fight, for example."

Lucifer narrowed his eyes without losing his smirk.

"Oh, yeah, I imagine that must be easier when you aren't dealing with a raging asshole who loves to push people around" Lucifer regarded him a moment. "Or maybe there is no difference at all and that Lucifer just lets you get away with it more."

"Or maybe my Lucifer is better at carrying himself in the first place."

"As if you knew anything about that in the first place."

Lucifer gripped the mug he was using on his hands and Alastor sneared at realizing it was the yellow one with duckies that his husband used on the regular.

"Don't you dare to break that, you brute" warned, his antlers growing up as Lucifer blinked, surprised, only after a second realizing what was he even talking about.

"I wasn't going to, you ass" said, leaving the mug there and lifting his hands.

"Dad" called Charlie, slapping both her hands on the table to get the attention of Alastor. "Dad, I gave him that. That is enough."

Alastor observed her with his eyes turned black. He closed them for a moment, returning to normal, even though his jaws was so tense squeezed together that he felt was going to bite through his own teeth.

"I lost my apettite" announced after a while, for the first time in his life, standing up. "I will wait on the lobby so we can go."

Alastor moved on to the closest couch and sat down, taking a deep breath. Why was he letting that tiny prick to affect him at all? He was nothing. Less than nothing even. Just a mere inconvenience that had no more fault to being there than a stain on the carpet had. When he lifted up his eyes again, he saw Emily standing with his cup of coffee in hand.

"We are all stressed out" commented with a little smile, rubbing his arm.

Alastor nodded silently, taking a sip. It wasn't as hot, so he heated up until he finished it all, but the burn did little else to comfort him. Emily sat at his side and didn't ask anything, didn't say anything, so Alastor spoke first.

"My Lucifer is not like that" he said.

Emily nodded, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"I know" said gently. "I miss him too."

Alastor frowned slightly. Miss felt too small of a phrase. He didn't miss Lucifer like how one misses that their favorite band wasn't playing anymore. That didn't even come close to describe the betrayal of a universe that ever let his Lucifer slip between his fingers again, and this time for no reason at all that any of them could discern. But he didn't had any better words for that, so he let Emily to assume they were correct anyway.

"Alright!" Charlie clasped her hands, coming over, the other Lucifer walking up behind her like he had just gotten an earful. "I send a text to Stolas and he is ready to receive us. Papa can take us there. Emily, are you coming?"

Emily nodded and stand up. Alastor let his empty mug be consumed by his shadows to get return to the kitchen and followed through, standing next to Charlie.

"Well, I know where his palace is already on my world, so I will step up first to make sure is the right place" commented Lucifer, opening it up the portal and traspassing it.

A second later his hand came out, encouraging them to step in. Alastor was the last one, seeing the tall palace erect in front of them. Charlie walked first over the stairs to the entrance and knocked. They didn't had to wait much for the door to open, a little imp servant looking over them and his eyes landing on Lucifer.

"Your Majesty" greeted the imp, moving to a side to let them in. "My lord is waiting for you up head. Follow me."

"Thank you" said Charlie.

Emily had barely known about another palace than the Morningstar one, as it was clear by how fascinated she was with the place. Alastor haven't visited it himself more than one time, for one of Via's birthday since Lucifer insisted they had to come, and only to see the party room. When they reached a room far back on the hallway, the little imp opened up the door to announce them properly before any of them could stop him.

"The king, his consort and the two princesses have arrived, my lord."

"He is not my anything" said Lucifer, taking a step away from Alastor as if necessary.

Alastor was considering grabbing the little imp and turn him into meatballs right there. How dare he to confuse his king for a lesser imitation like that one? Even as he knew how entirely irrational that was. For all intends and purposes, this Lucifer was the only king they had. Just not his king.

"The king, the two princesses and a neutral companion, my lord" corrected the imp. "Please, come in."

Once his job was done, the servant gave them a quick reverence and walked down the hallway again to continue his duties. Charlie had to grab Alastor's arm and drag him away from reaching out for him to enact revenge. When they came inside, they realized it was the library of the Goetia.

Stolas stood in front of a pile of book in his desk, reading all of them at once. At seeing them, he went over and kneeled as down as he could in honor of the king. It would be funny for Alastor coming from such a tall bird if it wasn't enfuriating how much time it was being wasted in these formalities.

"Your Majesty, it's an honor to receive you in my humble home. I hope that my knowledge can serve you today. Emily, Charlie, Alastor. Please, all of you, take a seat" offered, making a gesture with his hand for four chair in the air to move in front of his desk.

Lucifer was the first to sat down and Stolas flipped through another book.

"We have confirmation that you are most definitely not the king that belongs in this realm? That none of this is product of a mental spell or illusion of any kind?"

"We are sure" said Alastor, not needing to add more details even as Stolas seemed to want to ask. Charlie nodded just to confirm his words.

"Very well. Then the first thing to do is to confirm the exact origin of this kind of magic" said the bird demon, going to another table where he mixed some herbs and powders into a bowl, where he poured another liquid on top. When he came back to them, he grabbed a pinch of the concoction he made and draw a sigil on the air above the head of Lucifer. The sigil stayed floating there, going from purple to a dark blue, it's form changing into another symbol and then another. "Huh. That is interesting."

"What?" said Lucifer, absolutely lost. His magic expertise was energy propelled by imagination. Potions and whatot were completely out of it.

"Mmm" Stolas made a book float in front of him to double check. "Well, good news is, this did not came from an enemy. It wasn't done with the intention of hurting anyone in the royal family. This was never supposed to be malicious."

"But?" insisted Lucifer. "I am kinda still away from my daughter and these people are missing their Lucifer. I don't take that as benign either."

Alastor was tending to agree with him.

"Indeed, your Majesty. But the lack of negative intentions means that this is reversible. The bad news is that this won't be reversible until a certain condition is met."

"What condition?" asked Charlie now. "We will do anything to get papa back."

Stolas looked over at her and sighed.

"I believe you, dear. But it doesn't want to tell me" Stolas pointed at the changing symbols as if they were speaking to him. "All it's telling me is that it is related to both the king and his consort. Apologies. The king and Alastor" added, shaking his head.

"A condition of what nature?" asked Alastor while Stolas brushed away the sigil, as if anything useful from it had been told already. "Something we must do?"

"I believe so. Although do what, I can't tell" Stolas sighed again, going back to his table. "Your Majesty, you didn't had any compromise with the Alastor back at your place? A promise of some kind?"

"Fuck no" said Lucifer. "If anything I would like him to promise to stop bothering my daughter, but besides that we don't have much of a relationship or anything. I would remember something like that."

"Likewise, besides getting married again soon, Lucifer wasn't in debt for any promise with me. I don't know how this could be affected by our engagement either."

"It's not" said Stolas mixing up some more ingredients, following another recipe on his book. "If there was any romantic undertones I would have detected it already. The intention behind this magic was fully platonic."

"Does it really need to be met that condition then?" asked Alastor, who did not feel any more relieved because someone somewhere decided to screw with his life platonically. "Can't we just undue the spell?"

"I am looking into it, but my first instinct is no, your Majesty" Stolas was so concentrated in his work he didn't realize that, technically speaking, Alastor didn't have that title anymore. Nobody bothered to correct him anyway. "A spell that can travel across multiple dimensions is already a extremely powerful one. Travel from hell to Earth or from Hell to Heaven would seem like child's play in comparison, and most spells wouldn't allow that either. Here we go."

Stolas finished to make his potion and walked to Lucifer, reaching out his hand to ask that of the king. Kneeling in front of him, he spread a bit of the liquid on the palm of Lucifer, spreading it with his thumb. The bird demon observed the palm as the liquid draw lines over his hand, shinning a bright golden.

"So?" encouraged when Stolas kept silent, Alastor starting to get impatient.

"Mmm? Oh, dear, sorry" Stolas stood, clearing his throat. "This spell has not rewriting your entire fate, your Majesty. Meaning that we might be able to circunvent it somehow. By maybe finding a spell that is stronger or nullifying it. Oh, and on top of that, since you are both connected through this spell, I just confirmed that our Lucifer is safe and well on the dimension where you came from, your Majesty. I know that was a reason of concern for you" added, looking over at the rest of the royal family. "He is not in any immediate danger just like you are you not, your Highness."

Alastor squeezed one fist over his staff. In one hand, genuinely relieved that was the case and didn't had to think about Lucifer landing on some unknown land where people ate beautiful blonde angels for lunch. But on the other hand, he still wasn't there and a pretentious dick was instead.

"I am guessing you don't have any spells to just open a portal and let them exchange places" said Emily. "Me and Lucifer can open portals to Heaven or Earth. Can't we do something with that? Maybe combined them so they are stronger and reach them?"

Stolas put both his hands in front of his face, as if praying as he rummaged through his memory.

"My dear, interdimensional magic is an extremely weird subject that most people don't even bother with" said slowly, shaking his head. "I know about every secret of this galaxy and the universes beyond that, but even then this is different. I am afraid that even if you did managed to traspase to another dimension, there is no garantee it would be the one this Lucifer comes from."

"Can't he be summoned?" tried Charlie after throwing a glance to Alastor. "He is the still the devil."

"The devil is a unique title, darling, and he is already here" Stolas flipped through another book and groaned, frustrated.

Alastor looked over at Lucifer.

"Does that mean that if there isn't a devil, we can summon him?" asked in a tone that made Lucifer to frown at him.

"If you take me out, you mean."

"Perhaps. To me sounds like a reasonable exchange."

"That wouldn't help, your Majesty" said Stolas before Lucifer could respond in any way. "If anything happens to this version of Lucifer, ours will just get stuck where he is and we will have no way to know about his state" Stolas blinked. "Not to mention the crumbling of all of hell because it's head is gone. I would encourage not take that course of action."

Alastor shrugged, more convinced for the possibility that his husband could stay away than because of the state of hell.

"Then… what? We just keep waiting until a condition we don't know anything about is met?" asked Charlie, the desolation on her voice too obvious for Stolas to ignore.

"For now, I am afraid that is the best I can tell you. I am so sorry, princess."

[esther-dot]

i've been thinking about all the rhaegar/lyanna theories (did she go willingly or was she kidnapped, etc.) and one thing i don't think gets discussed often enough is the time lag between when lyanna disappeared and when jon was conceived.

jon was born more than a year and a half after lyanna disappeared (she disappeared at the beginning of 282 AC, and he was born mid-to-late 283 AC). that means that he was conceived roughly a year after lyanna's disappearance. that year included the deaths of her father and brother at rhaegar's father's hand, rhaegar's father calling for the head of her second brother, a continent-wide war that rhaegar was taking no part in, rhaegar apparently having no contact with elia and taking no measures to protect her and her children, and lyanna being stuck in a random tower in the middle of nowhere.

whatever lyanna felt at the time of her disappearance, i simply can't conceive that she felt positively toward rhaegar one year later, at the time that jon was conceived. i just don't see her being a wholehearted participant in jon's conception. i think "lyanna left willingly" and "lyanna was raped" could both be true.

Ah, now that is an important detail. It certainly is hard to believe Lyanna was willing at that point. But that reminds me of the entire Knight of the Laughing Tree side of this convo, that I neglected to mention.

It was a good story, Bran decided after thinking about it a moment or two. "Then what happened? Did the Knight of the Laughing Tree win the tourney and marry a princess?"

"No," said Meera. "That night at the great castle, the storm lord and the knight of skulls and kisses each swore they would unmask him, and the king himself urged men to challenge him, declaring that the face behind that helm was no friend of his. But the next morning, when the heralds blew their trumpets and the king took his seat, only two champions appeared. The Knight of the Laughing Tree had vanished. The king was wroth, and even sent his son the dragon prince to seek the man, but all they ever found was his painted shield, hanging abandoned in a tree. It was the dragon prince who won that tourney in the end." (ASOS, Bran II)

So someone who deactivated once told me that their supposition was that Rhaegar sided with Lyanna over his father here. He found out it was her, promised not to tell, gave her the roses to honor her. To everyone else it was offensive / signaled romantic intent, to Lyanna, it could have been taken as an acknowledgment of her skills/what she'd done. That would have allowed Rhaegar to earn her trust, ingratiate himself, but also, signaled a break with his father.

We don't know how he framed things to her later, if he hyped up his plan to get rid of his dad, if he led her to believe he'd actually truly broken with his father and wouldn't side with him/fight against her family, if he convinced her he was as much a hapless victim as she had felt she was. Taking her all the way to Dorne could have been part of convincing her he was helping her escape her marriage, and that he was escaping his father. Depending, he could have created a lot of space between him and his dad. And then of course, in canon, when Robb believes he's lost Rickon and Bran, he seeks comfort in someone's arms.

Now, I'm not saying that is what happened, but there are ways to write this story without forcible rape, and based on how Rhaegar is characterized, I think that's where Martin would try to land. I do think she was a prisoner at some point, I think this is a Rhaegar-critical story, but I'm not sure that Martin is going in that particular direction.

There is also that first convo about Lyanna:

"She should be on a hill somewhere, under a fruit tree, with the sun and clouds above her and the rain to wash her clean." "I was with her when she died," Ned reminded the king. "She wanted to come home, to rest beside Brandon and Father." He could hear her still at times. Promise me, she had cried, in a room that smelled of blood and roses. Promise me, Ned. The fever had taken her strength and her voice had been faint as a whisper, but when he gave her his word, the fear had gone out of his sister's eyes. Ned remembered the way she had smiled then, how tightly her fingers had clutched his as she gave up her hold on life, the rose petals spilling from her palm, dead and black. After that he remembered nothing. They had found him still holding her body, silent with grief. The little crannogman, Howland Reed, had taken her hand from his. Ned could recall none of it. "I bring her flowers when I can," he said. "Lyanna was … fond of flowers." The king touched her cheek, his fingers brushing across the rough stone as gently as if it were living flesh. "I vowed to kill Rhaegar for what he did to her." (AGOT, Eddard I)

This is couched in the idea that Robert loved her, Rhaegar kidnapped and raped her, they're talking about where to bury her, so the first time we read it, we're guided to believe Lyanna is begging to come home, but now we know, Lyanna was begging for Jon's life.

(That is not to say she didn’t want to come home, of course she did, I’m just pointing out the misdirection about what her pleas were about).

So, when I reread that passage with the idea that Lyanna left willingly (which I think is the implication of the revelations that Bran receives) and she was begging for her son's life out of fear of what Robert might do, we realize that while Rhaegar is the villain in Robert's story, Robert is the villain in Lyanna's. Robert stands there speaking of his love for a woman who died terrified of what he might do to her child. And rather than being able to hate the man who demanded that fear, Ned loves him, has to serve him, and rather than hating Rhaegar or thinking ill of him, he has a weirdly neutral opinion (link).

In that little scene, we know have the conflict of POVs, the way these characters are torn by loves and loyalties, the fact that Lyanna's enemy is Ned's best friend/"brother"/king, the fact that he takes the son of his enemy and calls him his own. The layers of pain here, the conflicts of his loves, that is one of the beautiful aspects of the series imo, and I believe the mystery Martin has been writing about throughout each book, in most POVs will have that same complexity.

At the same time, I hate Rhaegar and if he is a kidnapper/rapist, it would be very Targy of him. Can't eliminate the possibility!

While writing this I remembered a post I thought tried to give a balanced view of things, worked to reconcile the characterization and the events of R/L which you might like to read (link). I also really appreciate this breakdown of whether or not Lyanna could give meaningful consent (link).

[notmoreflippingelves]

Hi! I just read your post about Mateo recently. If I may, can you give me any specific instances in the narrative of the show where Mateo isn’t called out as heavily as they should have? I’m just curious?

During the Shuriki returns arc in particular, Mateo makes some pretty glaring mistakes that I feel like he should've gotten much more flack for (and based on what we see elsewhere in canon, I feel pretty confident that if Gabe, Naomi, Isa, or Esteban at least --and possibly even Elena-- had made these mistakes, they wouldn't have been swept under the rug nearly as quickly as they were for Mateo).

While it's unfair to completely blame Mateo for Carla's manipulating him during the "Rita" arc, I feel like it's reasonable to hold him a *bit* accountable. He did after all blab highly confidential information (on more than one occasion) to try and impress a pretty girl with how clever and important he was. (Something tells me that if any of the others had done likewise, they would've been called out for it. But because it's "beloved" Mateo, we don't even get "wait, you told Rita how to get into your workshop? And you've known her for only a few weeks? What were you thinking, Mateo?") Moreover, he never even apologizes for this or promises to do better/be more careful with such important, sensitive information in the future.

Even more aggravating is his behavior in "The Scepter of Night." Mateo is so eager to play the hero and claim all the glory for himself that he twice (!) disobeys a direct order/abandons the plan and goes looking for the scepter piece on his own. This directly leads to Fiero and Victor finding the scepter piece and (temporarily) stealing it. And it's really only due to luck and very conveniently-timed infighting amongst Shuriki's allies that Elena and co. are able to get the scepter piece back. While Mateo does receive some (brief) criticism, it's nowhere near the level that it should be.

Also noteworthy Elena doesn't really get particularly "mad" at him (especially considering how angry we see her get at other characters even for more minor things) . She's not truly, actually angry at Mateo (and Gabe and Naomi are only a bit angrier); she's just a little frustrated and disappointed at him in the moment. And apart from a (very short) little "do better next time" speech, Mateo doesn't face any real consequences or lingering resentment unlike other characters who do.

When Isa obeys direct orders in "Sister of Invention," she has to face consequences (Elena grounding her). Similarly, Elena holds a grudge against Esteban for days (if not weeks) after he interfered with the Feast of Friendship (a much lower stakes mistake than Mateo's imo). Moreover, it's possible to interpret Esteban's staying behind in Avalor when the others go to see the Norberg Lights as a punishment (either self-inflicted or imposed by Elena) for his actions in the previous episode.

In contrast, Mateo just gets a brief "I expected better from you" speech from Elena and Gabe jokingly assigning him push-ups as punishment (which he immediately takes back when Mateo tries to do them). I'll give Mateo a little bit of credit for actually apologizing this time (which he doesn't always do). But it's still frustrating that everyone is so ready to forgive and forget Mateo's missteps immediately while this same courtesy is seldom shown to others.

I think it's worth directly comparing a few Mateo-centric episodes with a few more similar ones that focus on other characters so that we can see how there does seem to be a noted narrative bias in his favor compared to the others.

Let's start with two "feeling kind of insecure" episodes: "Spellbound" for Mateo vs. "Naomi Knows Best" for Naomi. In the former, Mateo expresses doubt that he's capable of rising to the occasion as royal wizard. No one (except Gabe and he gets over it by the end of the episode) blames him for not having reached his full level of confidence and potential right away and not being able to immediately solve the problem. And Elena in particular (and by extension the narrative) gives him so much validation and support. Whereas in "Naomi Knows Best" (and to a lesser extent "Finders Leapers" and the "Carla-as-Rita" arc as well) the narrative "punishes" Naomi for her feelings of self-doubt. We're told that *if only* Naomi had trusted her gut instincts and stood her ground right away, Elena and co would not fallen right into the trap and that Naomi needs to screw her head back on straight and embrace confidence ASAP to fix her mistake.

When Mateo feels insecure, the narrative gives him every reassurance about how capable and special he is, that he can learn at his own pace, and his insecurity isn't really such a problem after all. When Naomi feels insecure, the narrative encourages her to get over her doubts as quickly as possible because unlike with Mateo, there's "no time" for her to wallow in self-doubt and actually the fact that she even had said doubt in the first place is what "caused" the disaster.

On a slightly different note, Naomi is also called out for taking a little free, fun time for herself in "The Last Laugh" when the group needs her, and yet somehow I have a feeling that Mateo would've been allowed to take a day off if he wanted without any protest. He complains about long hours in "Movin' on Up" and Elena gives him the big royal wizard's chambers for him to relax and unwind in. Naomi asks for one (1) day off to spend with her childhood friend for her birthday , and suddenly it's big drama. (And at the time, Naomi asked for said day off, all Elena needed from her was help doing paperwork. The Team Ash stuff came up unexpectedly.)

Similarly whenever Gabe and Mateo get their little rivalry on ("Spellbound," "Party of a Lifetime," "Captain Mateo" and a few other examples) , the narrative either presents them as equally at fault or Mateo as the only one in the right.

When Gabe brings in Bronzino to train the Royal Guards in magic, it's specifically because Mateo failed to explain how and why he was training the guards in the way he was. If he'd just explained how they were going apply the seemingly basic exercise they were doing to real magic, Gabe likely would've allowed Mateo to continue the training at his own pace.

(Also like. it's super hypocritical imo for Mateo to get annoyed at Gabe feeling impatient/impulsive about their apparent-lack-of progress when Mateo himself is easily the second most impulsive character in the show after Elena.) Mateo feels entitled to keep important information to himself (or blab it to a cute girl he barely knows) even when its no one else's best interest. He's only okay with being "cautious and patient" when he specifically is the one setting the pace. And yet, Gabe is the only one who is called out for his behavior in this episode--even though he might not have acted as he did if only Mateo had trusted him and the guards with an explanation in the first place.

And then there's just a few other "dude not cool" little moments that never really get acknowledged/Mateo never apologizes for. For instance, there a two low-key terrifying Mateo moments in "Captain Mateo" that are not only not acknowledged but are also framed in context as Mateo being just "so funny and quirky". Near the end of "Should be in Charge," Mateo magically gags Gabe so he can't protest anymore about Mateo taking over as leader of the mission. And this is after having already enchanted one of the stationary suits of armor to come to life and fight Gabe. (Gabe admittedly does lightly shove Mateo out of the way during his parts of the song, but that's still a far cry from literally drawing a sword on Mateo as Mateo does via magic to Gabe.)

It's played for laughs (The Grand Council is just smiling happily in the background throughout the scene which is so yikes), so it's easy to overlook what's actually happening. Frankly, it's pretty horrifying that Mateo's natural instinct upon his experience/authority being questioned is to literally attack and then silence. (And attack and silence someone who is supposed to be one of his best friends and closest allies at that!)

Rather than the narrative acknowledging that maybe it's a bad idea to immediately grant power to someone to someone who is so retaliatory against fairly minor criticism, the Grand Council just gives Mateo exactly what he wants and doesn't even offer a "maybe next time, let's not gag or attack our friends, okay?" alongside it. I mean sure Mateo does step down as captain at the end of the episode, but it's very specifically presented as his and Gabe's voluntary choice and not an order from Elena/the Council.

[quackle]

So what’s your final opinion of Disventure Camp All-Star now that it comes to a end?

Also regarding winner, you are right! They didn’t go with “Who deserved to win” and tons of fans are piss off.

and so we have made it to the end. dcas is officially over... sobbing a lil at that fact. now. finale rambles under the cut (tldr: 7/10 season):

i think dcas was pretty nice for what it gave. i know a lot of people think it's shit, and i do nod my head at most concerns i've seen through posts on here and elsewhere. but idk. i had a relatively good time these past couple of months while watching!

let's start with...

Things I Liked:

The Main Premise (and in extension, Riya's Story) — this season showed that it truly wasn't about who deserved to win, it was about who wanted it most. and riya wanted it badly, to the point where it changed her for the worst whenever a camera was around. it took me until ally's elimination to see the direction this season was going (so... basically near the end LOL), but once it clicked, i was like. wowie. this is a bold choice of a winner. and interesting as fuckkkk, despite it not being hinted at as much as i hoped it would near the beginning. i don't think i've ever seen someone who is deemed as a villain be the only winner of a show like this. no alt endings or anything, just a villain win that sort of translates into a loss when you really think about how nobody is in riya's corner anymore. i know people (mostly riya fans) were disappointed with how sad and slightly open ended riya's conclusion arc was, but i personally can't be that upset at it. rosa maria's message during her elimination in season 2 really hit here. riya let the game change her, and though she won three million dollars, she has absolutely nobody (except potentially her sister eesha, but even still, that's not the best way for things to end for her). tis the way the cookie crumbles. i'm glad the writing team decided to go with this instead of the jake ending like thank GOODNESS for the proofreaders omg this is what proofreaders are for!!! (also. i'm clearly biased to the 'faking in front of cameras/others just to become a realer version of oneself once that's tested' characters in particular. look at my icon rn. i think you can understand why i'm such a big fan of this)

Allyson Amber— obligatory ally mention LOL. i think i already rambled enough on why i love ally so so so much as a character, so i will avoid. today. just know that opinion still stands.

Voice Acting— i am not a voice actor, just a voice actor enthusiast, so idk how much my words truly mean here. but i absolutely loveeeee the vocal direction this season went. best vocal performance in the whole series thus far. i can tell each actor + anybody on the voicing team worked hard to deliver! each character's voice really fit and everyone is so talented. hashtag i love connecting voices to characters. i'm excited for s4 voices ahhhh <3

The Grett + Gabby Friendship— we had her for like a good two eps and it still solo'd. going from what had happened in season 1 to what happened in season 3 was chef's kiss. it showed that both grett and gabby grew as characters throughout their whole journey on dc. idk i just love their bond so much, hashtag thank you for adding that.

and now...

Things I have Mixed Feelings About:

Gabby and Ally's Elimination— am i that mad that they ultimately left? eh not really, especially after i learned what type of story onc was aiming to tell this season. but am i mad about how they left? absolutely. because it was bullshitttttt omg. last minute, out of nowhere changes that cause eliminations of characters will never fail to piss me off. personally. even if real life is unfair like this too. (i'm only human LOL let me live)

TomJake Plot-Line— the good news (?) is that i don't find it absolutely mind-numbingly awful anymore. jake's cool. tom's okay. so overall, now i just think the plot is thee definition of mid. improvement! but still mid! i think certain ships in media are not for me, and this is one of em. sorry tomjakers, they should have had a meaningful conversation a long ass time ago. (also why tf they the finale thumbnail like MOVEEEEE with yall yaoi moment /lh)

Connor's Marriage— not that big of a deal, props to connor for finallyyyyyyy retiring from his savior complex (like i genuinely clapped for him cause that was a LONGGGGGG time coming), but a record scratch DID go off in my head when i saw that lol wedding pic. like OH... okay! congrats? i guess? (idek why i had this reaction or why i'm even writing about it lol, connor is Just Okay to me so)

Certain Lack of Character Interactions— i know this is a parody of reality TV and the show can only do so much, especially for characters that got eliminated early on. and i know i can quite literally go on something like ao3 and either find some fic that caters to my tastes or create it myself. but i frowned a lil when i realized certain characters wouldn't talk that much canonically. the curse of an all stars season is that they're bringing back some of the best characters this series has to offer. so when i don't get to see them interact, i go "aww. fair. but aww." (biggest examples here would be grett and hunter during the returnee challenge (because they can serve as interesting parallels (why would they finally make me gaf about hunter just to make him have like 30 seconds of lines ugh onc i am GLARING)), and jake and tess in general (the slightly healed meets the destructive work in progress. the difference in mental health journeys and how they can reflect within gameplay + outside convos. we coulda squeezed a lil somethin here. for me.))

Ellie's Plot-Line— one of the main reasons why i found ellie so compelling as a character is because the choices she made, both good and bad, all connected with her need for money due to being a college student who's not that well off. so to see that written off at the end was... well. eh? like cool, she's got gabby and grett, and they do matter the most, and i loveeeee their bond, but like. girly is a student in nyc and losing all that money is fucking huge. (i think it's mostly the bad pacing here, so i'm not giving it too much critique)

Grett's Plot-Line— onc introduced that whole tree scene (one of my fav scenes btw), and i thought that was so inspiring. "oh my gosh, i can't wait to see grett shine after she was constantly disrespected by some fucker that should have gotten his ass beat a long ass time ago!" i exclaimed. and then, she was eliminated. look. i get the whole premise of this season. i like it, too. so even though i think grett deserved to win the most, i can understand why the writers didn't have her win. BUT i think they should have written her arc with way more care and attention. if anything, i remember more harmful moments than good. grett deserved better than that. to me.

Huntally Plot-Line— i like huntally. and i wish it was written a bit better. it felt... rushed in comparison to other things we've seen here. granted, they couldn't do as much as others when hunter was eliminated so quickly, but still. meh overall.

and finally...

Things I Didn't Like:

The Staffs' Plot-Line— yall. the way i grew to not give a singular fuck about this plot... i saw people complain about tomjake screen time or jake screentime or ally vs jake screentime or connor vs riya screentime or riya screentime. which, okay whatever i guess. but LOOK AT THE REAL CULPRITS HERE... they're already getting a spinoff, idgaf about some staff when i won't be able to see some of the contestants ever again after this season!!! trevek irritated the absolute hell outta me, kristal made me side eye, marcus, nina and oliver were there i guess, and emily? man. i think that alone needs another bullet point hold on-

Emily's Plot-line (if you can even call it that)— yes, yes, i already know, emily was terrible, this was shown in the very first ep, she was never supposed to be rooted for, blahblahblah. but why. why did she decide to help yul. why did she decide to help trevor. why is she helping men so much. why did she turn so cartoonishly evil in the end. why is she like that. it's so uncanny to me. it just feels like she's more of a plot device that she is a character, which makes her fall so fucking flat. it blows. to me.

The Therapist Characters— ashley and tess are the biggest examples of this. not to say that friends irl don't ask this question, but fuck, did i get tired of hearing "are you ok?" or "what's wrong?" or "here let me give you some advive." it feels like such a reduction of their characters, which really sucks considering they didn't get much characterization in comparison to other characters in the first place.

"Be the Bigger Person, Ally"— okay. the more i think about this the more it pisses me off. this is a quote from episode 18, where connor tells ally to be the bigger person in her whole situation with jake. now riddle me this, chat. why is it that connor only tells ally to be the bigger person, then a few minutes later when talking to jake, he goes "oh there's only so much i can accomplish with jake" in the confessional? you didn't even reiterate the same words old man. that makes it seem like ally should do more and adjust what she deems as okay and not okay, just so her tension with jake can dwindle, while jake gets a sigh and a slap on the wrist and a "welp i tried." despite her more immature reactions later on during this plot, ally had every right to be bitter toward someone who kept snapping at her and giving her attitude because no good communication was being used to explain why he kept doing that. instead, i wish the message could have been something like "communicate, then try to insert yourself in their shoes so you can understand each other better because you're more alike than you think" to BOTH ally and jake, because this conflict involves BOTH of them, and needs to be worked on by BOTH of them, not just by one damn party. (i could dive into shit like the sexism connotations of the message "be the bigger person" only being directed to the female character here, but ehhhh, not today + people would think i'm overreacting when i know i'm not)

Yul— look, even if i put the whole slur slinging slanger incident that occurred to the side, i still was not a fan of how yul was portrayed here for that long. idgaf if he's sometimes funny. it just made me feel uncomfy seeing such a disrespectful piece of shit get this far with a burn to the face that didn't even stay permanently. like oh so emily can be in bandages for "a year or two," but bigot mcgee here gets off burn free? okay. don't piss me off. and yes, i understand his sponsorship ending where he's still acting fake because "it doesn't matter to him whether he's liked or not," and i know he serves as an okay parallel to james at best. but personallyyyyy if we were going with the whole "yul is the worst type of famous person imaginable" angle, you could have at least made the consequences of his actions stick to his face forevermore. (that's like the only thing they got right with endeavor from my hero like come on)

and that's about it. i think. overall, i'd give this season a solid 7. i know it looks like there's more stuff i didn't like or felt indifferent about,but i just feel like i have to explain my distastes a little more so people can understand me pfft. but yeah, it's not too bad of a season, even if i side eye some things.

and i'm looking forward to season four! from what i've seen, from the short character dialogues in the voice acting tryouts (ruby save me), to the potential storyboarded scene of the setting (abandoned carnival vibes???), i am most certainly sat. i really hope onc improves from here on out :)

[frangipani-wanderlust]

How To Call 911

So most of my followers know now that I started working last May as a 911 dispatcher. Super proud of myself. And now that I am starting (very much still starting) to settle in a bit, I want to offer some tips on how to call 911. So, hold on to your hats.

(original version with colored text here)

When in doubt, call 911. Don't take this as me encouraging you to jump at shadows. Your neighbors' loud party is not an emergency, google the local non-emergency line and call that. Neither is the dry cleaning not giving you your clothes (I actually got this call on our 911 line). Nor is the fact that you saw a fox inside city limits (also something a real human called 911 about). But if you see a situation unfolding and you think "this seems dangerous, maybe this is 911-worthy" then it's 911-worthy. Don't hesitate. Call.

If you call 911 and you are freaking out, that's okay. If you're in a crisis, you may not remember a single tip I'm about to give you. We are trained for that, we can handle it, just do the best you can. It's not the end of the world to have a hysterical or frightened caller, and these are tips, not rules.

Location, location, location. We can't send you help if we have nowhere to send it to. Ideally, know the address. Failing that, know the name of a business or a church or an intersection. It is not cheating if you read this off a sign. There isn't a set of invisible rules that says you have to have your exact GPS coordinates memorized. Be prepared to describe the location somehow. That way, if our connection drops and that's all you can tell me, I can still send some police out to come find out what's going on and they can ask for medics or firefighters or whatever if needed. But we absolutely must know where to send assistance, it is the first thing we're going to ask.

Location again, but with a twist. The first thing our office says for emergencies is, "911, what is the address of the emergency?" If a building is on fire, tell us where the fire is. If your neighbors are being robbed at gunpoint across the street, give us their address. If you witnessed a car accident, tell us where the accident happened. The location of the emergency isn't necessarily the location where you are. Don't send police and fire to your office building if the wreck is on the freeway.

Answer the questions that you are asked. If the calltaker asks "Is the patient breathing?" don't start in about the seizure they just had (if they aren't breathing, the seizure they just had is not the biggest problem). If the calltaker asks, "Which way did the man you saw go when they ran?" don't tell them about how they broke down your door (if they are running away, knowing they broke your door down does not help the police know which direction to start looking). The particular question you are asked is being asked for a reason, and that reason is not frivolous but in an emergency, we aren't going to stop and explain everything.

Do not launch into a speech. If you're asked a yes/no question, yes or no is all the answer you should give. Your impulse will be to explain the yes or the no because more information is better than not enough, but overexplaining is its own problem. Now, we are hired for good typist skills, and are encouraged to get better and faster, but infodumping means things can get missed. The calltaker is going to have some information they're going to ask for by protocol and probably the option to drill down on some of it if clarification is needed. If you spend five paragraphs explaining your last answer, it delays getting other pertinent information.

Do not launch into a speech, part the second. You don't call 911 for things that happened last week, or even yesterday. Tell me the emergency that is happening right now. Ideally in one sentence. If someone is having a medical issue, and you call 911 about it, when the calltaker asks exactly what happened, do not tell them about how the patient had a surgery 5-and-a-half weeks ago. You called 911. What is the emergency that is happening right now. Don't be telling me about their surgery when the problem you called about is a broken leg. Yes, the surgery may have led to generalized loss of balance that has yet to return which caused the patient to fall which caused them to break their leg. Understood. But you didn't call because of all of that. You called because of the broken leg. Apply this principle to all emergencies.

Don't launch into a speech, part the third. When asked a specific and direct question, do not give an explanation instead of an answer. If the calltaker asks you "Is the weird person on the side of the road actually in the lanes of traffic?" do not explain to them how it's a very narrow roadway (see parenthesis for the story here). Aside from the fact that we're not asking these questions to be funny (see part the second), there's also the fact that now you are coming over as suspicious as hell. If I asked "how did that person on Facebook know what this supposedly missing kid is wearing and where he's going to be at 3:00 today?" and you say "well Facebook is a good way to spread information" I am now extremely suspicious of you.

(Also an actual call I have taken. The man was a totally ordinary guy out for a walk to the store, but this blue collar man walked through a Rich Person Neighborhood™ and according to Lady Catherine De Bourgh on the phone with me, that merited a call to the police. When I asked her if he was actually in the lanes of traffic [traffic hazard call type] versus not [suspicious person call type, on a technicality but technically...], she tried explaining three times that the road was narrow before she finally got the message that I was not going to stop asking until she told me the actual answer and answered "Well, I suppose so, yes." At this point, because she'd been so reluctant to answer me, I no longer believed the man actually was in the lanes of traffic and to this day believe that she lied to try and manipulate the police into a stronger-level response than was actually warranted. Because determining whether she was lying for sure is beyond the scope of my job, I put down what she said, but I didn't believe then and still don't believe now, that she told the truth. The totally ordinary and probably very nice guy was not arrested or hassled at all and was instead given a courtesy ride to the store.)

Be prepared to describe relevant people, maybe including yourself, and that includes race. If you have an asthma attack at a football game, the medics need to know how to find you in a crowd. If you are a black woman, that's gonna rule out everyone who isn't that. If you are a black woman wearing a yellow shirt, blue jeans, and a blue bandana over your hair, that excludes nearly everybody and when the medics arrive, they'll know exactly who to look for. Most of the time, someone's race isn't relevant information. When describing someone to emergency services, it absolutely is and it is not racist to accurately describe the relevant person or people.

There are more tips in the world, and I may come back to this post and add them as they occur to me. In the meantime, please enjoy this short treatise on how to call 911.

[greetingfromthedead]

C62: Day and Night

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Series Rating: 18+ / Explicit

Chapter: 62/84

Words: 1.8k

No particular warnings for this chapter.

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The two day track to Juukei turns into three. Vash kept his promise of doing you all day, and by the end of it, even you were exhausted and out of breath, barely taking any breaks to recover or to take care of your toma. As soon as you were back from tending to the birds, he pulled you back into his embrace to continue where you had left off.

Vash had fallen asleep between your legs, his head resting on your stomach. His coat engulfs your naked body while you sit halfway up and stroke his hair, gently holding him and caressing his skin as you keep watch over the night. You are so full of love—in love with the man in your arms, in love with your current outlook on life. You aren't afraid anymore of slipping away, of losing your mind, of losing the life you have.

Another day is lost in the little villages; the people seem happy, the children play in the streets, and you are filled with a different kind of peace. You remember enough of your past to understand people better, and Vash's presence fills you with comfort. He seems to be brimming with joy as the kids accidentally kick their ball towards him, and he gets to return it to them. He gives a friendly smile and waves as he guides his tomas by the headgear.

You spend the whole day mingling with the people; you get some food from the locals; and Vash buys the children ice cream. He looks so joyful as he gets to be with the people; it's easy to forget just how much he loves mankind and spending time with them. It's not just his guilt or duty pushing him to protect humans; it's genuine love and adoration. He helps everyone who needs it; he tries his best to make people happy and smile; he is so gentle with the villagers; it makes your heart burst.

As none of the villages had an inn, you move on to the town of Juukei, and suddenly the atmosphere changes completely. It's not quite dark yet, but the streets are mostly empty; women and children are nowhere to be seen; just some rougher looking men are moving around, giving the pair of you very mistrustful glances. This makes your skin tingle. How could there be such a vast difference between the settlements and what is going on here?

"We should get settled in," you say quietly to Vash from the top of your tomas.

"Yes." From his tone, you can tell he has picked up on the strange vibes too. "Excuse me, we heard there's an inn in this town, but we have circled around twice with no luck. Could you point us in the right direction?"

Vash's voice is kind and joyful, a masterful mask on his face as he addresses a man holding a shotgun over his shoulder. The man is skinny, with excess skin drooping on his face, the sun spots are dark on his cheeks and forehead. The balding head leans further back to get a clearer look, no longer just glaring through his gray eyebrows. He seems mistrustful of Vash's soft smile; your expression is more neutral in the back.

"And who might you be?" His tone is frank, "We don't like strangers coming to mess with us."

"We are just passing through. We mean no trouble." Vash stays calm and kind.

"And how would I know that?" His eyebrows rise higher. "We get a lot of weird strangers just passing through, except they leave with our money, our women, and our children! Get lost!"

"What is going on here?" Vash's tone becomes more concerned, "Is there trouble with bandits?"

"Bandits, thieves, lowlifes—you name it, they pour through our area!"

"We are only looking for a place to stay; we mean no trouble. You have our word."

"Ya may look harmless, but I don't trust you. But the inn is next to the pawnshop. There are no names on the building; don't need to invite trouble. You may go there, but know that there are always seven barrels pointed at you if you start any trouble at all."

"Thank you for your kindness!" Vash answers the old man with a smile, completely ignoring the threat he made. "Have a safe night!"

Vash pushes his tomas to move forward, and you follow him, giving the local a wave as you pass him. Your eyes go over the houses and streets again, and you notice all the residents having their eyes on you, some even more than that.

You manage to find the inn, but things don't get easier from there. There are a few men smoking and drinking in the corner; their gazes immediately start to follow the two of you. You can't make out what the hushed voices speak about, but from the general atmosphere, you assume it's about the two of you.

Vash manages to get a room from the innkeeper. The man was reluctant at first, not trusting either of you, but seemingly relaxed a bit thanks to your presence. Apparently there are a lot of disappearances in the area, not only the regular bandit problems with robberies and burglaries, but people have gone missing, mostly women and children, a few elderly, and on rare occasions, some men too. The locals suspect that they are being taken to December. Vash masterfully navigates through the conversation, getting details out of the man to piece together what is going on in the area.

You drop your bag onto the floor as Vash turns on the light in the room. Pushing off your boots, you let out a sigh. Your mind is distracted; the light mood of the day is replaced with something more sinister.

"Do you think the people were really moved to December?" you quietly ask.

"It could be, somewhere they are taken to, these people are scared," Vash says, taking off his red coat and hanging it over the back of a chair. He sits on the bed and looks at your approach. "Their loved ones are being kidnapped."

"You want to investigate, don't you?" You stand in front of him, your hand gently stroking his face.

"Yes." His hands rest on your hips. "I can't stand seeing people suffer."

"Then we'll investigate," you said, your thumb gently touching his birthmark. "Rest tonight; I'll stay up in case there is trouble."

"Are you sure?" His forehead leans against the upper part of your stomach, and his hands move around your body.

"Yes. You get some sleep; don't worry about a thing. If there is something, I'll wake you." Your hands cradle his head.

"You're the best." His muffled response vibrates against your skin. "I love you."

"I love you too. Don't worry your head about the rest right now." You try releasing his head to pull away, but instead his arms squeeze you tighter, and he leans backwards without letting go, pulling you closer. Your legs meet the frame of the bed. When you have nowhere else to go, he leans so far back that you end up falling onto the bed on top of him. He still won't let go as he turns to the side and his legs lock around you. It makes you laugh, and you play with his hair again as he settles in better, his limbs still tied around your body.

The night is quiet. Vash uses your lap as a pillow. His little snores echo in the room, but they don't drown out the voices coming from outside. The men patrol the streets, comparing notes and chatting as they meet. Apparently, it is calm; there are no new strangers in town, just two travelers, a man and a woman, who were looking for the inn.

Vash wakes with the early light, your fingers still stroking his soft hair. He takes your hand from his head, moves it to his lips, kisses the back of it, and then nuzzles his face into your palm. He mumbles something you can't make out.

"Good morning, Red!" You chuckle lightly. "I hope you slept well, but if you want to tell me something, then you need to speak up."

His eyes are still closed as his face moves up from your lap.

"I said I love you! And good morning!" He looks goofy, and his hair is an absolute mess. "I still feel bad for you staying up all night by yourself. You must be so bored."

"Don't worry, I counted the hairs on your head."

"Really?"

"No," you chuckle, "I was listening to the townsfolk. Three people have gone missing this week. One from Juukei, two from the village nearby. A little boy and his mother. I don't know about the third. First, the mother was taken in the evening, and the boy went to look for her by himself; he didn't come back. The third was taken during the night from their bed. The trouble comes with dusk; there are no problems during the day. It has been going on for a month."

"Should we stay another night?" his eyes open to look at you.

"They might not come or hit a different village. Maybe we should go check the surroundings again. Perhaps we can gather some more information during the day when they are less suspicious."

"You're right." His head settles back into your lap, but he turns onto his back to look at you better. "Are you sure you want to get tied up in this?"

"Of course." you smile and take his hand. "Even if I didn't think that it was important, I would still stick by you. I'll fight your fights alongside you."

You get ready, packing up your things again before going downstairs. The inn offers simple pre-fabricated porridge for breakfast, and the two of you eat in silence in a far corner, trying to pick up more information people might be talking about outside, but you gather no new intel, besides that, the men who stayed up all night to keep their families safe are tired, and with daylight they head home again.

The streets go quiet for a bit before more lively voices appear. Women and children go about their days as you finish your meal. You hear people cheerfully talking by the pawnshop, and the stark difference between now and last night strikes you as baffling. You finish up and throw your cloak over again to hide the knives you carry. You pick up your bag from the ground when you hear gunshots outside, and your eyes shoot to Vash, who has already reacted. His bag is under the table as he dashes to the door. You leave your stuff next to his as you follow.

Outside, there is an armored car, obviously stolen from a military police division. A few ruffians hang off from the sides of the vehicle, machine guns pointed into the air as they laugh maniacally, their course taken onto the pawnshop next to the inn.

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[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #35

Lately, I've been doing my best to try to establish a balance between "not being ideologically inflexible" and "not falling to pieces doubting myself whenever I come across hostility in my general direction." You can skip the next bit of this paragraph if abuse is a trigger for you, but, in my experience, being beaten viciously for something, only to have the adult who did it to you tell you that you imagined the whole thing, even as your body is wracked with pain and the bruises are blossoming under your skin, while being in a position where your only choice is to believe them or get hit some more… it DOES things to a person. And one of those things is "relatively permanent damage to one's ability to trust in one's own perceptions and experiences."

But I'm working on it, nonetheless. The cards are stacked against me, for sure, but I'm still working on it. I still tend to hold a bit too much space for others' misguided perceptions of me and the things that I speak and write, and I tend to hold the thoughts and opinions of others in higher regard than I do for my own. Still, I like to think that I get better and better at avoiding doing these things, the more I practice trusting myself and trusting in the integrity of my senses and ability to reason. It's an uphill battle, for sure. But it is one worth fighting, even though I have fears of becoming rigid and unyielding when it comes to how I perceive things (like some of my adult overlords in the past), and fears of people getting hurt as a result of me being wrong (I have both done this and have been on the receiving end of it; -54/10 stars, would not recommend).

I received more hostility regarding my letters today that seemed to come out of nowhere:

I can't condemn this person for their words. I won't; you are a fictional character, and they are obviously going through some kind of difficulty that I don't know anything about. And I won't accept it if others condemn or humiliate them, either. I will not tolerate cruelty or ableism. If I see it, I will block whoever does it. I won't even hesitate on that front - mark my words. Do not disparage this person. This has been a warning.

What I'm focused on is the part that goes, "Stop wimping with your pathetic letters." I focus on the part that seems to imply that I am not doing a valid form of battle, because instead of using you as a religious icon, I instead write to you (despite the fact that I am very much aware that you are a fictional character) with kindness, compassion, and grace about a version of normal that canon seems to indicate that you wish you knew. I focus on the part that implies that I am somehow "going against" you by modeling wholesome things and constructive ways of dealing with one's emotions. I focus on the disparaging of my speaking on such delightful things as food and tea.

And… like the other person who tried to make me feel small (this one also failed; don't worry), this one also seemed to entirely miss the point of what it is that I am trying to do. The fact of the matter is that you are an art form in my world. And there is no right or wrong way to perceive or enjoy an art form. Some people really struggle with that particular bit though, and lash out at others because they hinge their entire sense of identity and their sense of self-worth on whether or not others perceive art forms in the same exact way as they do. The mechanics behind this are usually trauma-driven; I will not condemn these folks, either.

The fact of the matter is that some people are going to look at you and see a monster, and that's valid. I'm never, ever going to tell them that they're wrong; they have different life experiences than I do, and therefore they are going to see you differently than I do, and I am not going to sit here and try to change their mind. I don't know everything.

Still others are going to look at you and see a helpless baby and victim who was totally justified in all his choices, and that's also valid. I'm never, ever going to tell them that they're wrong; again, they have different life experiences than I do, and therefore they are going to see you differently than I do, and I am not going to sit here and try to change their mind. I don't know everything.

As for me, I like to think that I am under no illusion regarding who you are or the things you've done. You were a victim of terrible abuse, yes. And I personally understand how living in an environment where you're not loved can twist you into someone you're not. But all the same, we are still responsible for all the things we do even when we are not acting in accordance with our innermost nature. We are still responsible for the terrible things we do, even when we don't feel like we have other options. We are still responsible for the things we do when we don't know better. We are still responsible for moving ourselves to places where we can learn better, so that we can do better.

Using myself as a concrete example: it doesn't matter if I lash out at my husband because I am in the middle of a flashback, thinking like I'm about to get hit (he would never, don't worry). I am still 100% responsible for everything I do while I am in an adrenaline-driven state. It is still my responsibility to find better ways of managing and preventing my own triggers. It is my responsibility to learn better ways of communicating and coping with stress and uncertainty. It is NOT my husband's responsibility to avoid my triggers, it IS my responsibility to make myself into a person who my husband need not walk on eggshells around. It is my responsibility to make sure that I am well-fed, well-hydrated, and well-rested such that it is less likely for me to fall into an adrenaline-driven state in the first place. It is MY responsibility, and MY responsibility alone, to shape myself into someone who does not lash out. Period.

All that being said, it is still the case that nothing can ever take back the cruel words, the condescending stares, and the frightening body language that I have given in the past to people who ASBOLUTELY DID NOT DESERVE IT. No one ever deserves nonsense like that, so I do the work to grow into a person who refuses to do such things, because in my mind, anything less is unacceptable. I carry the weight of my past mistakes on my shoulders all the time; it is something that I will never set down, because it is the thing that drives me to continually improve; the knowledge that someone else might get hurt if I am not constantly mindful and vigilant - if I am negligent for even a moment - is pure fucking torture. Make absolutely no goddamn mistake about that. Even if I spend the rest of my life improving myself and trying to help others to heal, it will still not be enough to make up for the feelings I've hurt.

I will not call you a monster - there's no such thing. But the fact of the matter is (assuming that Nibelheim was not firebombed like Banora), you have done terrible, inexcusable, and unjustifiable things. You will never, EVER be able to erase the blood, pain, and tears caused by the lives you stole. The best you can hope for when it comes to trying to make amends for the damage you caused is to spend the rest of your life learning better ways to take care of yourself so that you can better learn to manage your anger, rebuilding the structures you broke, helping others who have been victimized in ways similar to you to heal and make better choices, and using your amazing power to try to restore genuine peace to your world. And the reality of it is, even if you spent eternity doing this, it will still not be enough to make up for the lives you misguidedly erased during the throes of your suffering.

But at the same time, death is too easy for the kinds of mistakes you made. It is better to go through the absolute agony that is healing so that by the end of it, you can properly carry the weight of what you've done on your shoulders for as long as you draw breath. Even with the weight of your childhood conditioning and the knowledge of everything you did, and all of the ways you have failed yourself and the people around you, you still have to carry on as though your life has meaning and value, because it does. Every life does. And my view on this sort of thing does not stop at you.

I choose mercy and compassion, and that has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the kind of person I want to be. And people can call me "wimping" and "pathetic" if they want to; that is their right. But I will propose that such people who feel comfortable using words like these to describe other living, breathing human beings know nothing about true strength:

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A post shared by Ghost (@the_realghost3d)

The little video above focuses on The Lich from a series called Adventure Time. A past version of me had views much like his. I was very much of the mind that all I would find in this world is darkness and pain. I know the kinds of things I used to wish I had the power to do - things that are, without question or hesitation, abhorrent to me now.

The love I carry for others is a choice. One that I have to keep consciously making over and over and over. I did not have the privilege of growing up in it. By choice, I exist as a bright spot of light, hope, joy, and love, in stark defiance of the darkness, fear, cruelty, and hate that surrounds me on a day-to-day basis. And my ability to make these choices was built by my own two broken and bloodied hands, piece by sharp, searing, white-hot, agonizing piece, through suffering, terror, and despair.

Here is the additional context behind the smaller video from before. Witness these:

This next one continues it; it's only a few seconds, but it's still important:

And if you understand that the resulting "Sweet P" can wield dark and light concurrently… you understand why Sweet P is a FAR more terrifying force than The Lich could ever be:

Like with Sweet P, the "Lich" in me is not dead. Just… put to better use. A use in which I am the one in control:

I am anything but "wimpy" and "pathetic". And the fact that these letters to you even exist at all, in the format in which they do, should be proof enough. I don't need to prove myself to anyone.

And so I will keep going on in the way that I do. I will spend the bulk of my time kneeling in awe of or in service to other human beings, knowing full well that being in such a position leaves me far more open to being hurt, and knowing full well that making this choice while understanding what the consequences are, is what true strength looks like.

It is why, if the naysayers want me to be silent, they're going to have to kill me. And it is why, if any such attempt is made, it will be welcomed with the very same tea and snacks that they would likely disparage.

And no matter how the result pans out, I will still come out on top. Either they will turn, or they will free me from my meat-suit, and I will simply return later in some other form to continue doing the very same work I speak on - perhaps even in a body that actually fucking works properly. Wouldn't that be nice.

Please stay safe out there. You still have work to do. And even more importantly: you are loved and cared about and your life is still worthwhile, no matter the mistakes you've made before. You can make this transformation; I refuse to believe that I am a stronger person than you are.

I will continue to write to you, regardless of any opposition I face.

Your friend, Lumine

[nono-bunny]

Thoughts on the last two episode of the Gokushufudo live action (and some other bonus general stuff now that I'm done with the show)

It was... A very weird deviation from the original premise and it didn't work too well imo, mostly just because of how out of place it felt. Don't get me wrong, I watched the last one while eating dinner and I literally cried all over my pasta anyway, but like. Even the "reveal" was weak, which is weird because the story is already basically just based around these misunderstanding bait and switches so?? Idk ig they aren't as good at making original ones- point in case being these two episodes which were all just original stories and felt completely wrong for what the show is. Idk, I guess focusing on drama and high emotion stuff just doesn't really work here. The addition of Yukari and Sakai HAVE proven that the people working on this adaptation were capable of making some great unique additions to the original story so. Idk

Anyway the whole show is very different in one crucial detail: people here seem actually aware of Tatsu's past as compared to the anime where everyone is mostly just scared of his vibe. It isn't like, a good or bad thing, it just ended up really changing some of the dynamics, which I guess is kind of necessary here with a more permanent recurring cast than just... A bunch of random animated characters that can be voiced by whoever. I really liked Tanaka for example! In the anime Tatsu has like, a whole bunch of different housewife friends and I really liked that here there's just the one badass and her slightly more timid friend- which?? I feel like it didn't start off as Tanaka and this one particular friend but they narrowed it down to mostly the two of them, which works, they're both cool and it was nice seeing her attitude towards Tatsu change

Tbh the Masa abuse really fucking got on my nerves, it's funny at the start but like. It genuinely got excessive and uncomfortable, I just... Don't even really like Eguchi and Hibari as much at this point and it's a lot to do with their attitude towards him, it was wholly unnecessary and they both obviously had other things going on so I don't know why they decided that focusing on a "yes honey" dynamic was the comedic direction that they're gonna focus on. They're honestly a disaster couple lol

There was a lot of focus on getting Tatsu back to the Yakuza which?? Feels super weird to me considering they've established it's been two years since he left, why now? Why are they all still bothering him? It was strange and the show was definitely at its best whenever they weren't focusing on the Yakuza stuff- since that's literally what the OG premise is, and why it's so beloved... Idk it really felt at times like it's trying to tell the story of Tatsu's life shortly after leaving but. It's been two years, and it just doesn't work. Same with the Himawari drama, it was all obviously forced and a bit out of nowhere (also wtf I hated seeing him hit her) and idk not that fun to watch when compared to them just riffing on Tatsu being weird yet ultimately accepted, y'know?

Anyway, despite all of my gripes here, this was genuinely a great adaption overall!! I just... Think the ending was really weak and weirdly completely out of tune compared to the rest of it so. I'm glad it isn't the end and that there's a special and a movie!