#🐺 * 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄 : crack

[monmuses]

"HAPPY BDAY USA!!!!!🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 AMERICA HAS BEEN A NAUGHTY GIRL THIS YEAR ❌😩 BUT IT’S TIME 🕙 TO POP 💥THEM FIRE CRACKERS 🎊 & THAT PATRIOTIC PUSSY 🐱 DON'T BE INDEPENDENT TODAY, FIND YOURSELF A FOUNDING DADDY🥵🔥OR AN UNCLE SAM 🇺🇸🎩🪖TO SHOOT HIS FIREWORKS INTO YOU 😩🎆 PLEDGE ALLIANCE TODAY TO SHAKE DAT ASS 🍑💦 BUT LET’S HOPE THE CARPET MATCHES THE POWDERED WIG 💈🪮‼️‼️‼️GOD BLESS THE LAND OF THE FREE 🖕🤙HOME OF THE HOES💅💅 ‼️‼️‼️SEND THIS TO AT LEAST 4️⃣ OTHER FREEDOM LOVIN' SLUTS 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 IF YOU GET 1️⃣BACK YOU’LL BE RED, WHITE, & SMOOTH 😎 ALL DAY♥️🤍💙 IF YOU GET 2️⃣BACK YOUR CRUSH WILL BE A BRITISH LOYALIST AND RETHINK THEIR “INDEPENDENCE” THING ☕️🇬🇧 IF YOU GET 3️⃣BACK USA FLAG CODE ™️ COMES INTO EFFECT AND ALL VIOLATING CLOTHES COME OFF 😶🙈🇺🇸AND IF YOU GET 4️⃣ BACK YOUR CRUSH WILL BE IN YOUR BED BY THE DAWNS EARLY LIGHT 🦅🌄🌅 HBD USA 🇺🇸🎂!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[monmuses]

🎵 "I am the beast that cuts the MEAT. Now that they're dead, you can sink in your TEETH!" 🎵

🎵 "I AM THE BEAST that grows the WHEAT. I make bread, to eat it with MEAT!" 🎵

[monmuses]

(Have John read the opening of The Bee Movie. 🐝)

i make John say funny things for the bit

He takes the script that's folded up in his book, opening to the first page. He clears his throat to prepare reciting it ...

" ... according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly."

He flips the page. "Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground."

He flips the page again. "The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible."

He pauses.

"Why are you making me read this?"

[monmuses]

(this is based on a playful interaction i had w/ my friend while playing bl2)

...okay. We got some good loot for this next mission. A purple-grade shotgun's pretty good, huh?

"IT'S PINK."

...what?

"NOT PURPLE. IT'S PINK. THE SING-SONG GUN IS PINK."

...no, dude. You can clearly tell it's purple. Purple-grade, it's in the name. There's no such thing as pink-grade.

"THE COLOR LEAKS WITH SHADES OF RED, BUT BRIGHTER. IT'S PINK!"

--

(based on this ^^ bc we couldn't make up our minds LMAO)

[monmuses]

"You will GIVE ME an EGG!"

[monmuses]

"Oh baby, I used to go here when I was a kid!"

"Hey look, Ellis! It's Kiddy Land!"

"...do I look like some sorta queer to you?"

[monmuses]

"Can I talk to you about something?"

[has set down a plate of baked nachos] "...I just had sex and I'm about to eat NACHOS! It's the GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!

"Unless you screw it up with whatever it is that you're about to say."

[monmuses]

"Stop boopin' me!" His nose is scrunching up and he's getting all fussy about it.

"Hehe! That tickles!" At least one of them is liking the boops.

[monmuses]

POV: Krieg reunites with his daughter Yasmin

Psycho Krieg: TINY MEAT HAS RETURNED! THE SMALL ONE IS ALIVE! THE SMALL ONE MUST GATHERED!

Sane Krieg, mentally: DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP DON'T FUCK THIS UP

@musegame @wonderalmighty

[monmuses]

"Why did I catch you... eating all of the shredded cheese? From the fridge?! You were gobbling all of that cheese up like Kirby!"

"Do I need to send Mr. Afton on you? The cheese isn't for you! You're not working for cheese!"

[monmuses]

" . . . . . . . ."

"...Alastor? What did you do?" He's now concerned with why he's so... strange. And cat-like -- how did he even manage this?

[monmuses]

"...an evil boop?" He's blinking at the sheer press that seemed to take up his face suddenly. That was... what could he even call that? One hand slowly pressed around his face, wondering if that did anything to him.

"Devil hulk has made evil boop against doctor!" barked Cosmo. "Eeeeevil! Boop Cosmo's nose next!"

@gammaragee

[monmuses]

"Hi, 911? I'd like to report a murder. Of, uh... of me. My boyfriend won't stop poking and booping me and I am going to DIE from this."

@gemscales-and-tea

[monmuses]

"I just read that the day shopping networks make most of their money is the day seniors pick up their social security checks."

"Kill yourself."

[monmuses]

Bigby has taken a long puff of his cigarette, letting the smoke linger from his mouth and cover up his entire front, smiling all the while. "Sorry, I can't hear you. Too busy lettin' the smoke run."

[monmuses]

"I TOLD YOU HE'D COME BACK TO ME."

@shermphibia