#❜ — once again i see a piece of the sky. / v: main.

[raesreadingcorner]

Anastasia F/F retelling

Something people should know is that one of my favourite musicals is Anastasia. And after having ‘In a Crowd of Thousands’ stuck in my head, and knowing I need to get back into writing, I came up with this! (Instead of working on my WIP... but hey, writing is writing!)

I also haven’t shared my writing on tumblr since like 2016 so... be gentle lol

Word Count: 1,116 (Didn’t look over so there may be spelling errors) Song: In a Crowd of thousands from Anastasia the Musical (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWYpXfAzbrc)

In A Crowd of Thousands

“It was June,”

Dimi spoke softly after wrapping her companion back in the abandoned blanket. She picked up the pillow from the ground, where it must have fallen after Ana’s disturbance and placed it back on the bed.

Nightmares. It was always nightmares. Dimi was surprised that Ana woke her instead of the other way around. Her delirium lasted only seconds until she heard the crying, recognising Ana’s voice beneath the whimpers. 

She held Ana closely. Closer than they’d ever been on their journey. They were never so close except for the colder nights on the train and abandoned buildings they hid and slept in. 

When Ana calmed down, cries and whimpers falling into steadied breathing and tired hums, she lulled Dimi into a conversation about the lost princess.

The main reason for their journey, but something both parties evaded talking about. Dimi paused her stroking of Ana’s hair at the question, glancing down at the woman in her hold to make sure it was what she really wanted to talk about. When Ana held no worry or unease, Dimi settled and nodded,

“What would you like to know?”

Ana’s gaze travelled down to a sly piece of hair that fell from Dimi’s braid resting against her cheek. It curled and moved as Dimi’s head tilted when she asked the question.

“When did you first see her?”

Dimi’s gaze drifted away as she stared out into the night sky through the broken window of their room. She could picture the day clearly. The summer heat was just about right. Warm enough that the water was the perfect temperature to dip her toes into. She didn’t need a jacket either, which Dimi preferred. Her mother scolded her earlier that day when she all about ran out of the house without her shoes on. Her bare feet padded towards the lake close to their home as she grabbed their woven basket and started her chores. 

She rushed to do it all; the washing, the hanging, sweeping their house and helping prepare the vegetable for their dinner later. Her mother smiled at her eagerness to get things done, even if it wasn’t for her love of the chores themselves.

The princess was passing through their town, and Dimi was determined to see her. Just once.

“I was ten,” Dimi tried to continue but paused as Ana raised her hand, catching the thread of hair between her thumb and forefinger and threading it behind Dimi’s ear,

“I’m sure you were a troublesome ten-year-old,” she giggled and Dimi smiled, rolling her eyes,

“I thought you wanted to hear this,” she softly scolded. Ana zipped her mouth shut. When she knew that Ana was listening once again, Dimi continued, “anyway,”

“I was dressed in my best clothes, a deep blue dress that my mother made and boots that I despised but I didn’t want to be stopped from leaving, so I put them on to keep my mother happy. I ran through the town, dodging carts and people carrying loaves of bread, cheese and all other kinds of delicious foods that I didn’t have the money for. The smells were wonderful, sweet and savoury, I could almost taste the food in the air and I found my hand nabbing a pastry when no one was looking.”

Ana smirked, “Thief.”

Dimi shrugged, not denying the title.

“The further I moved into the town, the crowds grew bigger. In my eyes, I thought there had to be at least a thousand people here in my small town. It sure felt like it. I was dodging and pushing past so many eager people. My heart leapt when I was able to see the princess's cart moving closer to where I was standing, and I don’t know why, where I was would have given me a place to see her, but I was drawn closer, I needed to be closer.”

Dimi’s hand stilled in Ana’s hair as she gazed off into the empty room. The tattered piece of fabric that acted as a lame curtain flittered softly in the night breeze. Dimi felt herself shiver. Ana began tracing shapes on the hand that wasn’t in her hair. Feeling this new sensation, Dimi looked down realising she stopped talking out of nowhere.

“I travelled further into the crowds, ducking beneath elbows until I looked up and I saw her.”

Ana held her breath, “Princess Anastasia?”

Dimi nodded, “She sat straight as a queen,” she marvelled at the memory, “only eight but just like her siblings, she looked so proud and serene. All around me people were cheering, and clapping as her older siblings waved to the crowd, but all I could do was stare. At her. I was caught in a trance, surrounded by a crowd of thousands.”

Dimi’s eyes flashed back to that day, watching as the carriage moved along and she started to run, to call out Anastasia’s name as she tried not to get stopped by the crowds around her. She told all of this to Ana, but no words could properly describe her feelings at that moment in time, the adrenaline, the hope that the Princess would see her, notice her, and she did. Dimi made sure that she did.

“Anastasia looked around at the crowd until her eyes met mine. I was out of breath as I tried to keep up. The crowds were getting heavier as the carriage moved, and I started to lose my footing, I couldn’t keep up with the carriage or its passengers any longer. I reached out with my hand as if the Princess would grab it and take me with her, away from the town that I called home. Away and to something else entirely new and spectacular. I didn’t want to see her go.

But as my hand was reaching out at this impossibility, I looked up and saw Anastasia.

She smiled at me.

And then I-

And then I left.” Dimi ended, hand moving from Ana’s hair to pick at the barely-together threads of the mattress.

“You left. Just like that?”

Ana asked curiously and Dimi nodded not meeting her eye.

“I got my wish, I was able to see her, and then, I had to go back to my normal life.”

“And now you’re here, with me. The not-so-real but pretending to be real Anastasia.”

Dimi hummed.

“I wish I could have met you then,” Ana mused trying to catch Dimi’s eye, “I would have whisked you away like you wanted, even if those pesky guards that I’m sure were protecting us would have tried to stop me.”

That brought a smile to Dimi’s lips, “You would?”

“I would.”

[geneticwolf-blog1]

LOVE STARTERS. / ACCEPTING.

@magicpyr said:  ‘ because i care about you. ’

       mouth twitching; remy's lips curve into the most delicate hint of a smile.  it does something to his insides he's not felt since he was a young man in high school.  if it hadn't been obvious before, remy want to make sure---- that julian knows exactly and precisely how the werewolf feels about the vampire.  

       they're sitting across from one another, perched on the couch, the television set on a modest volume though it's more like white noise.  just a filler beyond.  without a sond and none-too-roughly, remy reaches for julian's hands, taking them in his own---- and their eyes will meet and catch; holding one another.

               ❝julian, i care about you too, you know that----��

       standing to his full height, he's still holding julian's hands within his own.  before one hand moves free and cups the vampire's cheek, before he decides that showing him might be better than just words.  he takes a step closer, before his mouth catches julian's own, in a thorough yet tender kiss between the two.

       it lingers on a little longer than typical, but he is smiling against julian's lips.

[fruitcoops]

I think it would be really interesting for leo and sirius to talk ab how they both didn’t go to college and how they both joined the nhl at 18 but had v different upbringings

Ooo, I like this one! I’m always down for some Cap and Knutty bonding. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for mentioned bad parenting

“Kinda weird, isn’t it?” Leo said, breaking the nighttime silence after many long minutes of just their breathing. Sirius hummed in question. “Starting all this so young.”

Sirius made a noncommittal noise and Leo shifted, never taking his eyes off the sky. There was too much light pollution to see the stars properly in Gryffindor, but the roof of the rink didn’t have a bad view; the planes flying overhead brought pinpricks of brightness to the indigo blur.

“Was it hard for you?”

He heard Sirius’ coat move. “Was what hard?”

“Starting the NHL at eighteen.”

There was a long beat of silence. “Sometimes.”

“I didn’t know if I would make it,” Leo confessed, still barely above a murmur. Nobody else was around, but it didn’t feel right to talk in normal voices. The whole world was muted, save for the noise of the city below them. “There was just so much to do.”

Sirius laughed softly. “I hate to break it to you, rookie, but that doesn’t change.”

“How do you deal with it?”

“Before, or now?”

Leo thought for a moment. “Both.”

“Before, I would go home and shoot pucks until I was too tired to stand up. Sometimes I would read.” It wasn’t a secret, but it still made Leo’s heart hurt to remember. Nobody as kind and hardworking as Sirius deserved that. “Now, I make myself some food, take a shower, and steal Re’s softest hoodie.”

Leo could hear his smile in the dark—it echoed his own. “Nothing better, huh?”

“Nope.”

“Finn’s fit me best,” he mused. “But Lo’s smell better.”

“Ah, he finally discovered deodorant?”

“Shut up,” Leo teased, elbowing his ribs. Sirius laughed a little louder; in the light of the streetlamps and the absence of his granite-hard focus, it was easy to remember that he was only 26. Leo had worshipped him as a kid, but now he just saw Sirius for what he was. His captain, who guided him through the playoffs even when his personal life was crumbling apart. His older brother, though Sirius certainly wouldn’t think of him that way. His friend.

“Really, though, it’s important to have those connections,” Sirius said when they both calmed down. “Being alone is good, but only if you know you have people to talk to when you need them.”

“Was it easier when you weren’t living with someone?”

“No.” The answer was immediate.

“Sometimes I want the apartment to myself.” Leo lowered his voice unconsciously, then sighed. “It’s not because I don’t want them there. I just need to be alone. Wash the dishes. Clean my room. Call my mom.”

“You should tell them.”

He turned his head slightly; Sirius was still scanning the sky. “Is that what you did?”

“It took a couple hiccups, but yeah. If one of us needs some alone time, the other will go to the grocery store or take a walk, maybe hang out with friends. You just have to make sure your boys know that it’s not personal.”

“You’re freakishly good at sage advice.”

Sirius snorted. “Merci, rookie.”

“I’m not a rookie anymore.”

“Yeah, you are.” He raised his hands, as if outlining a marquee. “The Eternal Rookie, starring Leo Knut.”

Leo stuck his tongue out, feeling rather petulant about the whole thing. “Watch it, Cap, I’m gonna sic Dumo on you.”

“My own father?” Sirius gasped dramatically. “How could you?”

“Did you ever get homesick?”

The question was out of the blue—he didn’t blame Sirius for faltering. Honestly, Leo was kicking himself for asking in the first place, though he had been keeping it in for ages. Unspoken rule of the Lions #1: Don’t ask Cap about his childhood.

“I…” Sirius fell silent once more.

“I’m sorry,” Leo apologized, and he meant it. “That came out of nowhere.”

“I missed Regulus,” Sirius continued carefully without acknowledging him. “But no, I didn’t get homesick. I didn’t have time, or a real reason.”

Alone in a new city, finally out of a horrible living situation, but desperately missing the little brother he left behind… Leo couldn’t even begin to imagine going through it when the NHL by itself was already overwhelming to his teenage brain. He scooted an inch closer until their shoulders touched. “I get homesick every couple of months.”

“You have a kind family.”

“Have you even met them?”

“At the party.” Sirius’ smile was practically audible. “Your mother was very excited to see me.”

“Oh, god,” Leo groaned. “What happened?”

“She—“ He broke off with a laugh. “She was very nice, I promise, but I think I surprised her because she squeaked when I said ‘hello’.”

Leo shook his head. “Did you sneak up on her?”

“I’m six two, I can’t sneak up on anyone!”

“You walk like a fucking ghost, dude! It’s creepy!”

“Okay, rude.”

“I swear, you and Loops need to be belled like cats,” Leo huffed.

They lapsed back into comfortable quiet for a few more minutes as a train rattled past on one side and the metro busses rolled down Main Street on the other. It had taken Leo a long time to figure out Gryff’s layout, and even longer to get used to the sounds of the city.

“What does it feel like?”

Leo blinked, unsure if he had heard correctly. “What?”

“Being homesick.” Sirius shifted again and folded his hands over his stomach. “I didn’t notice much of a difference in practices when I started the NHL, and going back to my parents’ house wasn’t my exactly a highlight of my year.”

Curiosity overrode his tact and reasoning skills. “You never asked Logan?”

“Non. It was different, with him. He had already left to go to college before I knew him, and spent four years away from his family.”

“Right.” Leo forgot about that on occasion. That Finn and Logan might be five years older than him, but they had only been rookies a year or two prior. Not everyone went straight from their city select team to an official draft. “It’s hard to describe.”

Sirius made an understanding noise, but he couldn’t entirely mask his disappointment. Leo licked his lips and tried again.

“It’s like a piece of you isn’t where it’s supposed to be. And it keeps tugging on your chest, but you never know when it’s going to start and stop so you just… deal with it. You ignore it some days and you think about it other days.” He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “The hard days are when you remember you can’t go back to the way things were before. I don’t even call my mom sometimes, ‘cause I know it’ll make me sadder.”

“The way things were before?”

“Yeah, like—like all my classmates are in college, and I’m laying on a roof with one of the most famous hockey players in the history of forever.” That drew a light laugh from them both. “I’m gonna go back to my reunion in a couple years and have literally nothing in common with the people I used to be friends with.”

“Sometimes I wish I went to college,” Sirius said. “But I would have missed so much if I did. I don’t think I would have been happy there.”

“Finn and Logan get weird about college.” Maybe he shouldn’t be talking about it, but Leo had the feeling none of their conversation would leave the rooftop. “It was hard for them, with all their shit.”

“Re does, too.” He recognized the sad edge in Sirius’ voice; it was the same as his own. “For a different reason. It started good, and ended bad.”

“I’m glad I missed out on that,” Leo said, biting down the urge to scream at the universe for putting their significant others through so much hardship at an already-difficult time. None of them deserved the pain they went through. “Besides, it’s not like we need degrees to play hockey, and we’ll have plenty of money afterward.”

“I never thought about my life after hockey until my ankle.”

“My parents always pushed me to make sure I wanted to do the NHL instead of more school.”

“You’re lucky to have them.”

“I wish you did.”

The words hung suspended between them before Leo could swallow them back down, somehow dangerous and calming at the same time. It wasn’t like he had never thought about it before; he just hadn’t said it out loud. The first time he had seen Sirius’ parents across the rink had given him a case of the heebie-jeebies so strong he had to shower twice. All the times after that just made him angry.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Sirius’ voice was quiet, but not upset. “You’re not the first person to say it. I’m glad you feel like you can be honest with me.”

Leo frowned. “Well, yeah. Obviously.”

“I try really hard to not be an asshole captain, so it actually does mean a lot.”

“I don’t think you could be an asshole if you tried.”

The barking laugh that split the night startled Leo so bad he nearly jumped out of his skin; Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth, though he was still snickering. “Sorry, sorry, I just—holy shit, I forgot you didn’t know me before. Mon dieu.”

“You weren’t that bad,” Leo protested. “Pots said you used to be grumpier, but that’s it.”

Sirius shook his head, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. “I was such a dick. There’s not a single picture of the whole team where I’m smiling for about two years and I was such a stickler for the rules.”

Leo gaped at him. “You followed rules?”

“To the fucking letter. It was awful.”

“What happened?”

Sirius shrugged. “I got friends. Idiot friends who did things like showing me the easiest way onto the roof. Pots used to drag me up here every Friday.”

“Really?”

“Ouais.” Mischief flitted over his face. “He skipped date night with Lily once on accident, and she tracked us up here like a bloodhound. It was terrifying.”

“What did you do?” Lily was one of the nicest people Leo knew, but he knew better than to get on her bad side.

“Lied to her face while James hid behind that strobe light.”

“Did it work?”

“Are you kidding?” he snorted. “She called me a liar and suggested getting a better best friend. That was after she told James he’s better have something nice planned for their next date if he ever wanted to get in her pants again.”

“And yet you didn’t listen to her.” Leo tsked. “Of all the people on the team, you chose the hot mess.”

“Trust me, rookie, James had his whole life figured out compared to me.”

“Did you…” Leo trailed off and but his lip. He had pushed his luck a lot already; who knew if one more question would be the tipping point? “Did you ever think about coming out? Even just to Pots.”

Sirius didn’t hesitate. “After every single game.”

“For seven years?”

“Up until the day those pictures were leaked. Even more after Re and I were together.”

“How old were you when you knew?”

“13. You?”

Leo exhaled slowly. “I’m not sure. I think I had an idea of it as a kid, but didn’t really get it until I was in high school. My parents were even more worried about the NHL after I told them.”

“They worry a lot about you.”

“Only child, and I was going for a wildly unstable career path with no guarantee that I would ever see the ice.”

“They’re proud of you. More than you know.” Sirius’ watch beeped. “It’s ten o’clock. Are you supposed to be home?”

“I should probably make sure my boys haven’t burned down the apartment.” Neither of them made an attempt to move. “Can we do this again sometime?”

“Of course.”

You’re like a brother to me, he wanted to say. I don’t know who else I can talk to like this. “Thank you.”

“Any time. We don’t have to do extra practice beforehand, either.”

Leo nudged him gently. “You’re the best captain ever.”

“You’re the best rookie, rookie.”

“I’m not a rookie.”

“Yeah, you are.”

Yeah, I am, he thought as they laid side-by-side in silence once more with the past behind them and the future ahead. And if I end up like you, it means I did something right.

[dreamescapeswriting]

A Night To Remember ~ Bang Chan [Request]

WORD COUNT: 6.7K

GENRE: Angst with a happy ending

PAIRING: Bang Chan x Nurse!Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: Mentions of self deprecation, I hope this is okay I know you asked for an idol to say something but bissshhhh I’m a jyp nation stan I would rip my own heart out, so I hope this is okay!!!

As a nurse, you were used to going to different gala events occasionally throughout the year. It was one thing medical school hadn't prepared you for, meeting everyone that technically paid your wages. Your boss would throw them so that the benefactors of the hospital that you worked in could get to know the people their money was going to. The hospital also through functions in order to raise money for other things benefactors couldn't help with. None of the events you'd been to was as extravagant as the gala that JYP was hosting for a charity event but it was still a gala nonetheless. The gala was there to raise money for different charities, people could bid on different things like a night with different Idols. A song was written by a specific idol if they bid high enough on it and so on and so forth. Chan had told you about this event months ago wanting to mentally prepare you for the night and allow you to get a dress in time and he was excited about it as well. When he was a trainee he'd helped out at the Gala's before but he'd never gotten to attend one until now which made you all the more nervous about what you looked like since you were his plus one. 

"Are you sure this is okay?" You asked your best friend - Kayla - through the webcam as you ran your hands down the fabric of your dress waiting anxiously for her opinion, she'd been with you when you bought it but it didn't mean she liked it. The dress was perfect for this kind of event but that didn't make you feel any less insecure about it all, you were going to be surrounded by insanely beautiful people. All of them prettier than the next, not to mention how fit they were so it was safe to say you felt like you were going to stick out like a sore thumb. Your friend shook her head at you taking in the sight of the light sky blue tulle, v-neck gown with its A-line silhouette dress, it was breathtaking to see you in it again. The sleeveless dress showing off your arms perfectly and the applique embellishment made it look fancy but not too fancy.

"Y/n I told you when you bought it how nice it was-" You cut her off as soon as she said the word nice, to you that meant it wasn't nice at all.

"Yes! Nice! I don't want nice, I have to look great. C-Chan is going to be surrounded by all of these beautiful people and if I don't match up I'm going to-" You stopped talking when you heard the front door to your apartment open and close followed by the sounds of Chan coming in from work. Kayla smirked as soon as she saw the look on your face, she knew that meant Chan was home and he hadn't seen what you were wearing yet so you had to prepare yourself for it.

"Go, you look fabulous." She ushered you off the call as she shook her head at you before hanging up. No matter what she said to you she knew there was nothing she could say to make you feel less insecure about it.

"Chris?" You called out down the stairs as you heard him moving around, probably putting everything from work away before coming up to you. You were looking around the corner of the stairs as you hid your body so he couldn't see you,

"Yeah?" His head peered around the corner of the staircase and you smiled at him happily. It felt good to see his big eye staring back at you after not seeing him all day. As soon as he saw the way you were hiding your body he knew what you were doing and chuckled to himself softly, 

"Are you in the dress? The dress you've been hiding from me for the last month and a half?" He smirked as soon as he saw you nodding your head and practically began to sprint up the staircase to come and see you. He'd been dying to see you in it since the moment you told him you found the perfect outfit you squealed hiding in the bedroom again. The main reason you'd hidden the dress from Chan was that you wanted it to be a surprise for him to see on the night that and you were nervous about what he would think of it. The bedroom door swung open and Chan stood there for a second just taking in the sight of you. 

"Babe..." He breathed out as soon as he saw you standing there, you were doing your best to look as good as possible since you weren't dolled up yet or had the finished look on.

"I-I'm not finished yet, I still have to put on my makeup and do my hair but then I'll be ready by the time you are." You reassured him as you did a small turn in the dress giving him a full look at the dress. Chan's mouth was hanging open just a little as he continued to take in every angle of the dress you were wearing, struggling to find the right words to say as he stared at you. For someone who often wrote songs, he was finding it hard to speak at the minute which made you more nervous about his thoughts on it all.

"G-Go shower," You giggled as he continued to stare, you pushed him into the bathroom before sitting down at the vanity in your shared bedroom staring at yourself in the mirror. Trying not to let your insecure mind take over and run wild with thoughts you knew couldn't be true. He hates what you're wearing you know. Did you see the look on his face? He's never been more disgusted by you then he is right now and he's going to be so embarrassed at the party tonight. You look awful.

As you got ready your mind kept lingering back to the look he'd given you when he first saw you in the gown made you anxious about it, you couldn't quite read what it meant. The thoughts in your head continued to race about how awful you look and then going over the look on Chan's face. Overanalysing every last interaction you had with him before he went into the shower. You couldn't decide if it was a good or a bad stare that he'd been giving you, then the way his voice sounded when he called you "babe..." It felt as though he was embarrassed about what you were wearing and didn't know how to tell you. 

"Y/n?" Chan called out for the third time in a row as he tried to gain your attention but you were lost in your own space, you turned to look over your shoulder at Chan who was fully dressed in his tux, struggling to do up the cuff links on his shirt.

"Help?" He whimpered out as he continued to struggle with them, you got up without a word and buttoned up the cuff links which were shaped as the doodle he always drew. You'd gotten them custom made for Christmas last year never thinking he would wear them but as a small gag gift. 

"You're in your own world again, what's going on in that gorgeous brain of yours?" Chan questioned when he noticed you hadn't spoken in a while, you shook your head giving him the biggest convincing smile you could manage not wanting to ruin the evening with your head. 

"Nothing. Can you do my choker up for me?" You slid the small diamond choker into his hands and he turned you around, doing up the small necklace before he placed a soft and gentle kiss on the back of your neck. 

"We'll be late, come on," He tapped your shoulder softly as he headed out of the bedroom and down the staircase, the car that was picking you up for the night was waiting outside with the rest of the boys and their dates inside. Thoughts came rushing back to you as you thought about how great they were all going to look, all of them slimmer than you and probably more beautiful too. You'd only met Changbin's date before and never the rest, 

"Baby? Come on, they're waiting." Chan rushed you as he saw you standing still at the door he was already near the car when he noticed you weren't behind him. He frowned to himself before going back to your side and linking your arms together so you didn't have to walk alone. 

"I don't want to be late, I have some last-minute things to set up." He mumbled into your ear pressing a soft kiss against your head as he walked with you towards the car opening the door so you could get in beside Felix and his date who was smiling and introducing herself but all you could see was how gorgeous she looked in comparison to you.

"Y/n," You whispered as she reached out to shake your hand, then you began introducing yourself to everyone else the boys were with and went back to sitting in silence. Your mind kicking you in the head for not dressing up more. All of them looked expensive tonight and fully glammed out compared to you, you were beginning to feel like you were underdressed of the occasion. 

"I had my makeup and hair done by one of the stylists, Hannie arranged it all for me. Who did yours?" Jisung's date questioned you as she looked at you, you'd already forgotten her name after being in the car for five minutes which you felt bad about but couldn't help. 

"O-oh I did it, I did my own hair and makeup," You said proudly as you smiled at her but the look on her face wasn't one of being impressed she just glanced you up and down while nodding and humming to herself. 

"It's...lovely, you look good." Good. You could tell by the way she said the word that she didn't mean it at all. Maybe that's what they were all thinking, you sank back against the seat as you felt more eyes on you but you tried to ignore it turning to look at your boyfriend but he was busy. Chan was lost in conversation with Changbin about something they were auctioning off so you couldn't drop into a conversation with him about anything so you were forced to let your brain overthink once again. Look at how much better they look, far more expensive than this piece of fabric you're wearing and look at Chan. Not even paying attention to you, instead, he's talking to Changbin and staring at Lila, Lila and Changbin look cute together. Your dress is tacky. Your makeup is awful, you saw the way they all looked at you, you know it's true. 

Your mind continued to go on throughout the rest of the journey making you imagine how great the others were going to turn out in the press photos while yours wouldn't look good at all. As you went to get out of the car Chan's hand on your wrist stopped you,

"Why are we not getting out?" You asked softly as he stopped you from getting out after the rest of them had already left, he reached across and shut the door behind them.

"I have something to do first," He mumbled as he tapped on the glass that separated the driver from the rest of the limo, you frowned at him as the car began to move you stared out of the window. The limo was moving around the back of the building until you reached a back entrance to the Four Season's hotel away from where every person and camera could potentially see you together. This is what it used to be like when you first started dating, taking back entrances and avoiding being spotted together but that was over now. Your relationship had been out for a year and most of STAY loved you and how happy you seemed to make Chan.

"Come on," He took your hand in his as he hurried you into the building after getting out of the car, you picked up the bottom of your dress not wanting to stand in any of the puddles that were in the back ally behind the hotel. 

"Why are we going through the back?" You questioned laughing softly thinking it was just like old times but Chan didn't seem to laugh.

"I have something to do, go and get a drink at the bar." He told you as he walked you into a small room where a group of people were all standing around and waiting, one man on the bar who looked bored. It didn't look like they were apart of the JYP gala so you turned to check if Chan had the right room,

"Chan?" You called out but he was already out of the room before you had a chance to say anything to him the door was already shut in your face and an elderly lady smiled as she walked over to you. 

"You look very beautiful dear," You smiled back at her, thanking her as you looked around the room trying to figure out why you were left back here while Chan walked off to do whatever it was he was doing. 

"Are you here for the charity gala?" You questioned kindly as you both walked over to the bar to get a drink together, you held onto her arm being careful she didn't fall and break a hip. 

An hour later Chan still hadn't come back to see you and the elderly lady you'd been talking with was taken away and then slowly one by one the room began to empty until it was just you sitting at a table alone. Even the man that had been serving at the bar left to go and do something else. You'd called and text Chan over 12 times asking what was happening but there was no response from him, 

"If he didn't want me to come why invite me?" You mumbled to yourself as you pushed your phone back into your bag trying not to let your brain overwork itself. Playing around with one of the coasters as you tried to entertain yourself for a while

"Y/n?" You dropped the coaster and turned around when you heard a familiar voice call out your name, standing by the door was Brian, Young K, from day6. He frowned when he saw you sitting alone at the table when not too long ago he'd just passed by Chan who was in the main function room alone. He glanced inside of the room wondering why you were in there alone thinking maybe you'd had a fight or you were just trying to get some air.

"Why are you in here?" He nodded for you to come out so you followed him out and into the hallway immediately not wanting to be cramped up in there all night. 

"Chan said he had something to do and to wait for him," You felt a pit begin to grow in the bottom of your stomach as you read the look across Young K's face. It was clear he was trying to come up with some kind of lie to tell you, 

"I just saw him, he told me to come and get you, come on." You could tell it was a lie but you went along with it anyway not wanting to throw a wrench in his evening. You just followed Brian out into the main area and gasping as you looked around at everything in the room, it was more impressive than you could have imagined. The entire hall looked incredible, it was covered in expensive-looking decorations, white table cloths everywhere and everyone looked like they belonged there in huge dresses, ball gowns and suits. Making you feel more out of place than before since you were only in a simple dress for this kind of thing, 

"He's over here," You followed behind Brian who was trying to push through the crowds of people everyone talking over one another as they tried to hear each other over the music. 

"Chan, I brought Y/n, like you asked me too." The tone of voice from Brian made it clear that Chan hadn't asked him to come and get you at all and was trying to make Chan go along with it. You came out from standing behind Brian and smiled at Chan who was standing with Sana and Mina both of them looking stunning in their dresses. Each of them wearing white princess silhouette gowns with matching necklaces around their necks. They looked amazing but what else was new? They always looked breathtakingly beautiful.

"Hi babe, thanks Brian I owe you one." The two of them exchanged looks and you stared down at the ground trying not to feel self-conscious in front of the two most attractive girls you knew in the building.

"You guys look insanely beautiful," You complimented when you finally got the courage to speak to them, Sana went to thank you when Chan shook his head at you, 

"Babe don't. Don't be weird," Your chest tensed as your heart clenched in on itself on what Chan had said to you so you went back to staring at the floor and not wanting to say anything to them in case Chan said it was weird again.  

"Alone again?" Brian chuckled as he came up behind you at the bar, you smiled weakly at him as you glanced over at Chan who was still standing with Mina and Sana as they engaged in conversation again. Since you'd joint them it had been an awkward and dulling silence but the moment you left them it was back to talking with one another.

"Any idea why they're in matching necklaces and almost identical outfits?" Brian looked back over at the girls and then pointed out the rest of the twice members that were in the same kind of outfits, 

"They're being auctioned off to other idols and celebrities for a day out. Did Chan not tell you any of this?" You shook your head as you glanced around the room at everyone,

"He told me there would be auctions but not what was up for auction," You shrugged your shoulders passing it off as something Chan forgot to mention to you, 

"Chan and Changbin have produced some songs that are up for grabs, the boys are up for auction as well as me-" He flashed the number that was on his tie '345' and then smiled as he went back to explaining. 

"People will get the chance to bid on us for days out, meals we'll pay for and such. All the money going to the charities of tonight's event." As he explained everything the drinks you'd ordered were placed down in front of you and He paid for the drinks before you could making you sigh at him you hated whenever someone would pay for you.

"Gotta be quicker than that to pay," He nudged you playfully as he helped you carry the drinks over to Chan who was watching you both closely wondering what it was you were talking about. 

"You should bid on me tonight, I've seen who wants to and I would much rather you have me for a day than someone them." He teased placing the drinks down onto the table while Chan eyed you up carefully again as he tried to make out what was making you laugh. 

"What's so funny?" He questioned when he heard your small giggle leave your throat, 

"Brian wanting me to bid on him-" You tried to explain but Chan cut you off quickly,

"Young K." Chan corrected you as he heard you call him Brian but Brian didn't mind what he was called, it just for joke purposes when he would yell out that he didn't know who Brian was.

"It's okay Chan, she can call me whatever she wants." Brian tried to laugh it off but it was clear Chan didn't find any of what was happening funny so you stayed silent on the matter and sipped on your drink. 

"Y/n won't be bidding on anything tonight anyway," You frowned as Chan spoke on your behalf and you shook your head you'd made sure to pack your purse for the sole purpose of bidding on things. 

"Why not?" You questioned as you looked to him for an answer, 

"You don't need to." He mumbled as he turned to look at Chanbin who was calling his name from another part of the room. 

"I have to go on stage to be auctioned off. Stay here. Don't go anywhere." His voice was stern so you just obeyed him not wanting to test him when he seemed he was already in a bad mood for whatever reason tonight. You stayed by the table watching over his drinks and the girls as they walked away to go and get ready for their stage time. 

"I have to go as well, cheer up. Bid on whatever you want. Don't let grumpy pants put you in a bad mood." Brian winked at you before leaving to go and join the rest of the guys that were lining up. JYP already standing on the stage clutching a microphone as he announced what was going to happen and how people were supposed to bid on what or who they wanted. Writing down the number of what they wanted on a form and placing their highest bid on the sheet of paper before disclosing it into the boxes at the bars. At the end of the night, the winners would be announced in front of everyone and what they had won. 

"Fuck it." You whispered to yourself going over to the bar again as you began writing down the number and how much you wanted to bid on. 

"Having fun?" You turned to see the same elderly lady from earlier standing at the bar with you and you smiled at her,

"Lots. Are you?" She nodded over at someone in the crowd and told you that her son was being very nice to her after leaving her in the waiting room for so long.  

"Who are you with?" She questioned as she wrote down who she was bidding on before slipping it into the box, 

"My boyfriend, Chan from erm Stray kids." You pointed at Chan who was standing on the stage and she smiled at you rubbing your arms softly,

"Very cute, I can't wait to see the press images of you together. Those are always my favourite, and then the photo booth ones from inside the entrance hall...." Your heart sank as you realised there would be no photographs of you and Chan together tonight and then your head convinced you it was because he hated the way you looked in the dress you were wearing. That being the only explanation for sending you through the back entrance tonight instead of the main one where everyone else had gone and then leaving you in the "waiting room". 

"Y-Yeah, I can't wait to see them." You lied as you excused yourself back to your table to wait for Chan to come back and get his drinks. 

He never went back to the table he was the social butterfly he always was going over to different people in the room and talking with them while he avoided your direction altogether. You didn't blame him though, you loved how much he got along with everyone he met but you just wished he would come and see you for a while.

"Can I clean up for you?" A young waiter asked as he came over to the table, you recognised him as one of the trainees and you shook your head at him.

"No, it's okay. Chan will be over soon." At least you hoped he would be but the longer you stood there the less likely it seemed to be as he kept getting further and further away from you. The moment you saw him getting further away you sighed to yourself,

"A-Actually, just clean it up." You whispered to the trainee before heading in the direction of where the toilet signs were wanting to freshen yourself up a little before you went to ask Chan to go to the photo booth together. You at least wanted something good to come out of tonight. A small photo of you both together to go on your wall back home, it would be cute.

"I mean did you say her dress? Looks like she got it at a discount store," You heard Lila's voice fill the women's bathroom followed by some girly giggles as people followed her into the room. You looked at the door of the toilet booth you were sitting in and bit down on your lip, you were about to leave when they had walked into the room. Mentally thanking yourself for not going out when you wanted to.

"Lila! That's Chan's girlfriend you can't say things like that," You knew that that was Felix's girlfriend trying to defend you but it didn't work since Lila only threw back another comment about you. 

"I'm being nice but not telling her to her face. I mean we all went all out. The least she could have done was dress up nice, why do you think Chan made them go around the back?" She started sniggering to herself and the girls joined in, 

"He doesn't want to be seen with her in that tacky looking dress," She started laughing harder and your heart sank as she confirmed your fears about Chan forcing you to enter through the back entrance.

"I heard he was going to leave her in the waiting room all night with the elderly ones, the only reason she's come out is that Young K found her and felt sorry for her," Tears began to well up in your eyes as you heard them speak about you as though you were nothing. 

"What does she do again?" Jisung's girlfriend asked as she applied lipstick onto her lips passing the colour over to someone else as they all checked themselves out. 

"Apart from clinging onto Chan and live off of his money?" Someone laughed loudly and you rolled your head back against the door wanting nothing more than for them all to leave the room so you could get out in one piece. The back exit of the hotel looking more and more attractive as the seconds ticked by.

"She's a nurse, that's why they're so good together cause they understand how busy the other one gets." Someone you didn't recognise said to them in a softer tone trying to get them to stop being so mean but the rest of the girls all scoffed. 

"Whatever. The least she could have done is tried to look presentable." The doors all shut behind them and you could have sunk down onto the floor in a pool of tears but you stopped yourself, coming out of the stall to look at yourself in the mirror. They were right, why would Chan want you to go around the front when you were dressed like this. You cleaned your hands before heading out into the hall bumping straight into Lila and the girls who all stared at you in horror as they realised you'd heard everything they'd been saying in there and then Lila smirked shrugging her shoulders when you met her gaze. 

"E-Excuse me," You mumbled pushing yourself out of their way and heading towards the main doors wanting to leave when cameras began flashing. The girls all began to laugh as you backed away from the doors going into the main function room to find a way back out. 

"I know, it looks awful. I tried to tell her but I didn't know how to so I just stayed silent." Chan was standing in front of you talking to Jisung and Felix and you felt your heart clench even more than it did when you were trapped in the bathroom. Even your own boyfriend thought you looked awful, everything confirming for you that it was the reason he'd taken you through the back and tried to leave you there for the night. 

"I swear if it wasn't for you guys I wouldn't have come, it's so embarrassing." He let out a breathy chuckle not noticing the look he was getting from Felix when he spotted you behind him but you just walked away in silence keeping your head down as you tried to find the fastest route out of there.

"Y/n? Where are you going their about to announce some of the winners." Brian said as he noticed you heading towards the back door of the room your hand resting on the door as you stopped to speak to him so you didn't seem rude since he'd been the kindest to you all night.

"H-Home, not feeling too great." You lied as you looked at him, Chan watching from behind as he noticed that you were alone with Brian again. Jealously bubbling inside of him as he made his way over to you. Lila and her friends all gathered at the bar to start watching smirking at one another at what was about to unfold in front of them. 

"I'll walk you out, come on." Brian nodded over to the front entrance again and you shook your head fear rising in you at the thought of going out of the main doors. 

"I-I'll go out the back. I wouldn't want to risk embarrassing someone with how awful I look tonight." Brian frowned watching you walk out of the door as he tried to figure out what you meant by all of that.

"Chan what did-" He stopped trying to ask what you meant when Chan stormed out of the room after you, not saying anything to anyone as he just left the venue. 

"Leave me alone," You mumbled to Chan as he tried to convince you to talk to him for the 100th time in a row, you'd gotten into the same cab since he left not long after you and demanded you talk to him but you couldn't. You didn't trust yourself not to cry in front of him in the taxi ride and now you were home all you wanted to do was get out of the dress and sleep for a week, never to be seen again. Along with burning the dress the moment you had the chance to. 

"Y/n, we have to talk about this! What is wrong with you tonight?" He questioned but you kicked off your heels and continued walking up the staircase towards the bedroom, taking out the earrings and putting them into the jewellery box on the vanity. You ignored his question not wanting to get into it but he just kept pushing you for answers.

"You've been in an awful mood all night, what's your problem?!" He questioned once he saw you struggling to undo the zip on the back of your dress. Your arms fell down in defeat as he had the nerve to tell you that you were the one in the bad mood, 

"I've been in a bad mood?" You questioned as you stared at him dumbfounded that he was accusing you of being the one in a bad mood. 

"What's your problem? We went out for a nice night and you've ruined it by leaving early." You rolled your eyes as you went back to struggling to reach the zip at the back of your dress, 

"You could have stayed there, lord knows you were having fun without me before I came in with Brian." You mumbled to yourself, wanting to scream out in annoyance with the dress when you couldn't get it undone quick enough.

"Talk to me when you're out of this mood," He grumbled at you as he turned to leave the bedroom, you sniffled as the tears you'd been holding in all night finally began to pour down your cheeks. 

"If you were so embarrassed by what I was wearing you should have just told me! Instead of going to great lengths to keep me hidden away from every person and camera possible." You breathed out as you stared at the back of his head, his shoulders tensed up as he turned back to look at you. 

"Is that what you thought I was doing?" His eyes softened as he stared at you waiting for your answer,

"No. Its what I know you were doing. I-I heard Lila and that in the bathroom, f-for fuck sake Chan you made me go through the back entrance and left me in a waiting room for an hour! Completely forgetting I was there!" The tears came gushing down your cheeks as the night stayed clear in your head. Your hands began to shake as you tried to get the dress off your body but it wouldn't budge. The zipper staying in place as you continued to try and get it off you,

"G-Get it off me, please." You stumbled over your words continuing to struggle until you cried out, 

"Get this fucking thing off me!" Your hands began shaking viciously as you tried to get the dress to come undone Chan wrapped his arms around you from behind as he began unzipping the dress for you as he helped you out of it. The two of you sunk down onto your knees as he brought you into his chest but you moved away from him, shaking your head as you cried. 

"I never meant for you to think that-" He tried to defend himself but you shook your head again, your mind going back to what you heard him say before.

"I heard what you were telling the boys, that I look awful and I'm embarrassing you...Next time save me the embarrassment and tell me." You got up from the floor heading to the en-suite when Chan stopped you by pressing his body against yours. His heart was racing you could feel it on your bare back as he wrapped his arms around you from behind as he shook his head. Promising you that it wasn't you that he was talking about.

"Baby no, N-No. I wasn't talking about you." He sighed, leaving kisses up and down your shoulder as he tried to reassure you that it wasn't you that he'd been talking about. The more he kissed you the harder you cried not wanting him to lie to you, 

"I heard you, I heard Lila and the girls. Y-You should have told me at home and I wouldn't have gone Chan. You wouldn't have to have gone to great lengths in hiding me." He turned you around to face him but you avoided his gaze keeping your eyes turned to the floor until he cupped your face in his hand.

"Whatever Lila said is a lie, I took you through the back because I know how insecure you are about cameras, I didn't want you to be uncomfortable with them." He whispered to you as he bent down to look into your eyes whenever you would move them off him, 

"I left you in the back room while I went to finish working on a song. I was on my way when Sana and Mina asked me to stand with them..." You scoffed at his poor attempt at an excuse, the first one you could believe but not this one, 

"Yeah, right. Like I was born yesterday." You swatted his hands away from your body but he pulled you back to him not letting you get away from him that easily. Not when he had to tell you the truth and make you see the truth. 

"I'm not and never will be embarrassed to be seen with you. What would make you think anything like that?" He reassured you as he kissed your forehead, 

"Y-You didn't say anything when you saw the dress at home and then when we went through the back I thought maybe it was true...T-Then Lila in the bathroom-" A sob interrupted you as you cried out again feeling pathetic for crying over something like this in front of him, 

"Then when I was leaving you said how awful someone looked and how embarrassing it was..." Chan could see why you thought he was doing the best he could to keep you hidden but he shook his head.

"Lila is a piece of work, I'll talk with Changbin about it later. Y/n. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on...You could have rocked up in a bin bag and I would have loved you for it." He whispered as he sat you down on the edge of the bed beside you, linking his hands with yours as he tried to get you to listen to him and pay attention. 

"The only thing embarrassing about tonight was that Lila won a day with me, she didn't bother bidding on anything except for me. The thing I said looked awful..." You looked up at him with your eyes teared up and bloodshot, he cupped your face in his hands as he shook his head leaning down to peck your lips.

"Was Sana's necklace, none of them wanted to wear them but their managers said it looked great. I didn't have the heart to say it didn't." Everything he was telling you was starting to make sense, deep down inside Chan would never do anything or say anything that could hurt you but in those moments your head did all of the overthinking for you.

"I'm sorry." You whispered to him as you snuggled your head into his chest, his arms automatically wrapping around your body as he whispered that it was okay. 

"I love you, you looked stunning tonight babe." He whispered to you as he pressed small kisses on the top of your head repeating it over and over to you. 

"I really do love the dress..." He whispered as you sniffled against him again, 

"I love you too Channie," You whispered to him not answering him on the dress subject since it was just bringing bad memories to your mind. 

"Come on. Let's get you into a nice hot shower and then I'll make us a hot drink." He tapped your side carefully as he helped you up from the bed turning to leave for the bathroom when his phone started vibrating from inside his pocket. 

"You bid on Brian-Hyung?" He stared at his phone as he read the text from Brian, glancing over his shoulder you smirked to see the smirking emojis from the older idol, 

Tell Y/n to put on her dancing shoes we're going to have a great day! You started giggling to yourself as you pulled Chan towards the bathroom trying to make him forget about it, 

"I'll swap my day with Lila for your day with Brian Hyung," He mumbled as he looked at you not wanting to get jealous over you and Brian again. 

"How about we just dump the day with Lila and you come with me and Brian?" You questioned as a text came through to your phone confirming your win on both Chan and Brian for a day together, outbidding Lila by a mile by the looks of it. 

"Did I ever mention that you're the best girlfriend a guy could ask for?" You shook your head as Chan picked you up carefully and carried you towards the bathroom, 

"I don't think you've ever mentioned it Christopher. Tell me please," You giggled as he kicked the bathroom door shut and began explaining all of the reasons you were so great to you.

Tagline: @taestannie​ @channiewoo​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @minholuvs​ @lkwonmj​

[wiypt-writes]

Too Loose And You’ll Lose It

Ch7: Old Habits Die Hard

Part 2

Co-written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Summary: It’s the day of Pooch’s wedding, emotions are running high and it all comes to a dramatic conclusion.

Pairing: Jake Jensen x OFC Stella Stevenson

Warnings: Bad language and a whole heap of angst. Smut (NSFW, 18+)

A/N: So here is part 2 of Chapter 7…and it’s explosive! Translation: Chinga tu madre, Cabrón = Go fuck your mother, asshole.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. We do not own any characters in this series bar Stella Stevenson and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

TLAYLI Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 7 Part 1

Lay your demons at the door, this is what we're fighting for, trying to clear the air but nobody's talking. We've been breathing this disease, trying to find a way to see, but the end is in your eyes, let's finish this tonight.

“What I don’t get,” Jensen looked at the bridesmaid who watched him with rapt attention, twisting a strand of hair round her finger, “is why come to Mexico and not get married on the beach?”

“Well they thought about it, but then Jolene decided she didn’t want to get covered in sand.” The red-head shot back. “So they chose this terrace, it’s kinda on the beach, I mean, you can see the ocean.”

“But if you don’t want to get sandy, why come here in the first place?”

“Because it’s cheaper.” She shrugged.

“So you’re saying Pooch is a cheapskate.” Jensen raised his eyebrow and she hesitated before she shook her head.

“No, that’s…” she began to talk, protesting that wasn’t what she was saying when he heard Roque shout out Stella’s nickname.

“Hey, Arty!”

Jake instantly glanced over his shoulder to look for her, and when he saw her, the air was completely knocked from his lungs.

Her dress was a gorgeous watercolor-like ombre blue. The deepest of sky blue shade covering her shoulders with wide straps and a deep v-neck line that wrapped at her breasts and it lightened just at the lower ribs to a cotton blue, before trailing down at the hemline in a pale blue almost white shade. The cut exposed her leg to mid-thigh, giving just a peek of the petunia inked into her skin. Her hair was pulled back off her face in an elegant, sleek pony tail and her lips popped a deep, burnt red. Her blue eyes stood out under thick lashes and perfectly lined eyebrows, the rest of her make up remaining neutral. She'd only been in the sun a day, but just as it always did, it had kissed her body in a way that made each little freckle pop and her entire frame glow.

The salty sea air and sunshine always looked good on Stella Stevenson and today, the overall effect made Jensen's mouth water.

“Holy shit.” He muttered, turning away from the girl and conversation without so much as a goodbye, leaving her stood there shooting daggers at his back.

Stella smiled as Roque kissed her cheek, then Cougs and finally Clay before she stepped back and smiled as their Colonel’s arm curled around the slim, petite brunette to his right.

“Stel, this is Emma, Emma this is Stella.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Emma smiled, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Why doesn’t that fill me full of confidence?” Stella laughed and Emma shook her head, smiling.

“Oh, no, I assure you, it’s all been good!”

As the two women continued to chat and laugh, Jake stood there, waiting for his turn, hands jammed into the pockets of his dress slacks. Eventually, Stella nodded and turned to him and he flashed her a smile.

“You know, that’s the second day in a row I’ve seen you looking like a grown up!” She quickly scanned him up and down, taking in his well-fitted, steel grey suit. The top button of his jacket fastened, nipping in at his slim waist and spanning over his broad chest and shoulders. The crisp white dress shirt underneath stood out against the suit, and matched his white pocket swatch, the entire ensemble pulled together by the steel grey tie which matched his jacket and slacks.

As she was looking, Jake leaned forward, her perfume sending him lightheaded as always. He placed a gentle peck to her cheek, his chin brushing her ear slightly. “You look stunning.” He whispered, and he didn’t miss the goose-bumps that appeared on her skin as she swallowed and pulled away.

“Thanks.” She stood still, simply looking at him, and the two of them were locked in a gaze before Stella cleared her throat, breaking the spell. “You guys know where we’re supposed to be seated?”

“Yeah, we’re on the right,” Clay gestured, “Grooms side or whatever.”

The gang moved to find their seats, Jensen stepping forward ready to offer Stel his arm but Roque beat him to it.

“Always the gentleman, huh?” She smiled at him and he chuckled, a deep, low timbre rumbling from his chest.

“You know me, Arty.”

Jake watched them go, before he gave a yelp and clutched at his side, glaring at Cougar.

“Stop drooling, Jensen.” Cougar peered at him from underneath his hat, smirking as Jake rubbed at the place on his ribs where he had dug him with his elbow.

“I’m not drooling, shut up Cougs.”

Thankfully, Cougar left it there and they moved to take their seats along the row that Clay, Emma, Roque and Stella had already occupied. Cougar, whether on purpose or not, reached the end of the row first and slid in next to Stella, separating her from Jensen. Jensen rolled his eyes, but before he could get too pissed about it, Pooch arrived, in a simple black pinstripe three piece with an ivory and red striped tie, and made his way down the aisle, greeting everyone. He stopped at the row that contained the Losers and smiled, Jensen pulling him into a hug, clapping his shoulder as he pulled away.

The thing with weddings, is that no one can actually tell you were the day goes. They seem to pass in a whirl and Pooch’s was no exception. What felt like mere seconds after The Groom had arrived, but was in fact more near to twenty minutes, the music started and Jolene appeared at the large arch at the back of the terrace, walking slowly with her dad down the aisle, in a gorgeous knee-length fitted lace dress, which set off her curves and legs perfectly, her curly ebony hair pinned up elegantly at the back of her head. As she reached Pooch, she reached up and straightened his tie and Stella heard a “Pay up, Captain” to her right. She turned to see Roque reaching over Emma, handing Clay a twenty, not even looking at him, and she let out a soft snort, shaking her head.

The Bride and Groom exchanged simple vows and Pooch head tears in his eyes as he made his declaration. At that point, Jake couldn’t help but take a glance at Stel to find her looking down at her hands, the fingers of her left twisting the white gold and ruby solitaire ring that sat on her right ring finger, a gift from him for her twenty-first. He swallowed a little, as he hadn’t seen her wear it in a while before she glanced up, and he took the opportunity to study her pretty profile for a second before he turned his attention back to the front for the ring exchange.  Before long the new Mr and Mrs Pooch headed down the red carpet in the middle of the aisle to cheers and the guests filed their way back inside for drinks whilst the staff set up the outside terraced area for the reception.

To Jake’s delight, there was no huge stuffy sit down meal, it was just a large buffet which meant he could eat what he wanted and how much he wanted, which suited him perfectly. What didn’t suit him, however, was that he didn’t see that much of Stella, at all. Post eating and listening to the speeches, whether intentionally or not, she avoided him, spending most of the time sipping champagne and cocktails chatting to Emma and few of Jolene’s friends. Jake was left to mooch around, mainly with Cougar who was absolutely trying to get into the blonde bridesmaid’s panties. Unfortunately, she was stuck like glue to the red headed one that Jake wasn’t interested in.

“You make a shit wingman.” Cougar gave a jab to Jensen’s rib with his elbow as the two girls wandered off.

“Good job I’m not a pilot then.” Jensen shrugged, taking a pull from his beer as his eyes scanned the room for Stella.

At that point they both got strong slaps on their shoulders as Pooch drew up behind them both, leaning between them a little.

“Your momma was a pilot.”

Cougar and Jensen both looked at one another before they slowly turned to glance at Pooch.

“Did you just drop a momma joke on your wedding day?” Jensen snorted

“A shit one at that.” Cougar added, tipping his hat slightly with the neck of his bottle.

“Come on guys! As you have just said it’s my wedding day so let’s have a drink together before Jolene’s, sorry my wife’s,” at that he grinned, “bridesmaids hunt you down again.”

“What if I want to be hunted?” Cougar shrugged

“Hence why I said before. Pay attention Cougs.”

“Chinga tu madre, Cabrón.” Cougar smirked, causing both Pooch and Jensen to snort as they knew that insult very well having heard it a few times.

“I dare you to say it to her face.” Pooch looked at him as Cougar merely smirked, giving him a wink.

Pooch rolled his eyes, “what about you, Jensen?”

“I don’t wanna fuck Momma Pooch!”

“Why? What’s wrong with her?”  Pooch looked at him.

“What? Nothing, that’s just gross!” Jensen pulled a face.

“He’s considering a trip down memory lane instead.” Cougar teased and Pooch groaned.

“Dude! Seriously, you need to get over it!”

At that Jake turned to look at Cougar. “No I’m not, stop making shit up!” Cougar shrugged, smirking slightly and simply held his gaze as Jensen groaned. “Whatever, man.”

Cougar merely shrugged, as chilled as ever whilst Pooch laughed and handed them a drink from a passing tray. “Well, I think that deserves a toast. To the first married Loser…oh, wait, that would be me! And to Jensen who seriously needs to stop flogging a dead horse!”

Jensen took a deep breath, once upon a time he’d fully expected to be married by now, full disclosure, to Stella. Maybe a kid on the way if there wasn’t one around already. And that thought gave him a perfect way out of this current train of conversation.

“How long till Baby Pooch comes along?”

“Dude, if it was up to me he’d be on the way already!” Pooch grinned.

“He?” Jensen shook his head. “Nah man, you want a girl.”

“What? No! I want a little Pooch. Why would I want a girl?”

“A girl always loves her daddy.” Jensen shrugged. “Like Gracie, man, she’s awesome. There’s just something about seeing her with Robert. It’s cute.” He paused and grinned. “I want a girl. Imma call her Daisy.”

At that Cougar let out a snort as Pooch began to howl with laughter.

“Who’s Daisy?” Clay asked as he appeared with Roque, the pair of them smirking at something.

“Jensen’s first born. Apparently.” Pooch wiped his eyes.

“Wait, what?” Roque frowned and turned to Jensen. “You have a kid?”

“No, it’s a hypothetical one.” Jensen shook his head.

“Good.” Roque blew out a breath. “Do me a favour and never reproduce, Jensen.”

“Fuck you Roque,” Jake snapped back. “I’d make a great dad.”

“Yeah, well, you might wanna start ‘daddying’ that chick in the red dress over there, because she’s eye-fucking you shamelessly.” Roque nodded over his shoulder and Jake turned around. He gave the girl a once over, she was pretty but…his trail of thought died as he spotted Stella was stood alone at the bar. He necked his drink and holding up his glass he stated, “need a refill.” before he turned and headed over the room.

“Yeah, sure.” Pooch rolled his eyes as Cougar gave a low chuckle.

“Told ya.”

“Man he just can’t help himself, can he?” Roque shook his head as the three of them watched Jensen who approached Stella, his hand dropping to the small of her back as he leaned over to talk to her.

“Nope” Clay let out a sigh as Stell laughed at something Jake said. “Ahh, leave him to it, we can always do damage control, as usual where he is concerned.”

“How do you damage control a suicide bomb?” Pooch looked at Clay and Roque snorted.

“Pooch is right, dude is basically a hand grenade right now.”

“Don’t get involved guys.” Clay shook his head and Cougar nodded.

“I agree with boss. If Jensen’s gonna pull the pin, he can dive on it.”

“The problem will come when he tries to ‘pull her pin’ and she kicks his ass. But, fortunately I will be enjoying my wedding night.” Pooch shrugged. “See ya, Losers. Don’t have too much fun!”

The three of them watched him wander off over the room, shouting to someone, and Clay’s eyes fell on his date, Emma, who was smiling at him and waving from her spot at a table.

“I will also be enjoying Pooch’s wedding evening.” Clay winked and walked off.

Roque turned to look at Cougar. “Don’t even think of it…”

Cougar merely chuckled, tipped his hat and also wandered off, hands in his pockets as he sauntered over to a group of girls.

“That’s okay, just leave me here, I’m good!” Roque called after them before he let out a sigh. “Assholes.”

****

As the hours passed they drank, a lot. And naturally, where alcohol is involved inhibitions start to lower. There was a lot of fun being had, a lot of jokes being shared and other stupid activities being partaken in, such as a raucous drinking game Stella and Jake played against  Pooch’s uncle and his brother.

Which they lost, spectacularly.

Stella was feeling fairly light headed thanks to the mix of champagne, beer and cocktails running through her system, along with a few shots of tequila and somehow, she had no idea how, the two of them ended up on the dance floor, dancing to some really random shit when ‘La Bamba’ started playing. Jake grabbed Stella’s hand with a whoop of joy and started twirling her round, her face creasing in laughter as they let loose, Jake showing off his pretty neat footwork

“I thought you said he wasn’t taken?” The red headed bridesmaid gestured to Jake as she stood next to Pooch and he snorted.

“He’s not”

“Could have fooled me.”

“It’s complicated.” Pooch shrugged. “Long story short, she’s taken, he’s not. He wishes she wasn’t as it’s his fault she is.” He turned to the woman besides him. “If that makes any sense.”

From the look on her face, it made no sense at all, which wasn’t surprising to Pooch as he struggled to make sense of Jensen and Stella’s fucked up dynamic, but before she could reply there was a slap on his shoulder.

“Ten bucks says they end up in bed together,” Roque slurred.

“No way man.” Pooch shook his head, “she won’t cheat on Evan.”

“Fuck that guy,” Roque snorted. “Look, she’s hammered, here alone, I’m calling it.”

Pooch was about to tell Roque that Evan present or not, Stella would cut Jensen’s balls off if he tried anything when the familiar opening bars of ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ cut across the dance floor.

Both Stella and Jake paused a little, Jake running his hand through his hair as he gestured to the tables, clearly asking Stella if she wanted to quit dancing when she shook her head, giving him a smile, which Jensen returned as she took his hand, the pair of them beginning to sing and dance along.

“Twenty bucks,” Roque hiccupped, upping his stake.

“You’re on.” Pooch shook his hand as the bridesmaid snorted.

“And you’re losing.”

Pooch watched her go and then turned back to the dancefloor to see Jake and Stella now dancing pretty close...

This had always been their song. That was why Jensen had asked if she wanted to sit it out when it had come on, but she’d refused, and as such he’d been twirling her round to the music just like he always had. After one spin, they end up facing one another, singing very loudly as Jake threw his arms up and around, Stella snorting and laughing at his antics.

“Do you remember dancing to this at prom?” Jensen grinned as he continued to throw his arms around wildly, Stella shaking her head. He smiled, his mind straying back to that night, how amazing the entire evening had been, not least for the fact it had been the first time they’d fully given themselves to one another. He remembered laying there, after, as they both giggled and kissed and cuddled, thinking there and then that was it for him, there’d never be another girl who came close.

And then he’d pulled a Jensen, and ruined it.

“Of course I do.” Stella smiled. “Life was simpler back then, huh?”

“Isn’t it always?” Jensen asked as he spun her back round, pulling her in so her back was to his chest, hands dropping to her hips as the electric guitar solo struck up signalling the song was almost at and end. He felt Stella take a deep breath.

“Well we were kids.”

“But it was easy.” Jensen dropped his chin to her shoulder, his cheek brushing hers. “It was just you and me and the rest of our lives ahead.”

Stella tilted her head to look at him as the song faded into ‘I’ve Had The Time Of My Life’ and she pulled away, turning to face him with a shrug.

“Didn’t quite work out the way we thought though did it.” She asked, her hands sliding round his neck.

Jensen sighed, his fingers flexing against her hips. “I know. I fucked up.” He swallowed, the lump thick in his throat and Stella shook her head.

“Don’t.” She warned. “Not now.”

But Jensen wasn’t listening. He had to get it off his chest, he couldn’t stand the sick, hot feeling he got every time he thought about her and Evan. He needed to tell her, even if she told him there was no chance for them ever again, at least he’d know.

“No, just listen to me, Stelly, please.” His eyes locked onto hers. “There’s not a day goes by I don’t regret it. You know that, right? And no matter what happens I’ll always-“

He was cut off as Stella landed a harsh, stinging slap to his left cheek, his head whipping to the right. He took a deep breath, stunned, before he turned his head to face her, shocked splashed across his handsome features.

A few people around them stopped dancing, and Stella could hear a few hushed whispers, along with a louder shout of ouch, from who she had no idea. She opened her mouth to say something, the tears spilling from her eyes before she realised she needed to get out of there, and fast. So she did.

She hurried out of the room towards the hotel lobby and elevator, wiping the tears that were falling down her face. She knew she shouldn’t have done that, and maybe it was a little harsh, but the anger she felt towards Jake at that moment in time was insurmountable. He had left her, twice basically, and continued to fuck with her head, and then had the audacity to try and ...well, she didn't even know what he was trying to do. Her head was a mess, a fuckery of conflicting feelings, and she was as drunk as she could remember being in a long time, which wasn't helping.

She was also well aware that she'd just made a complete scene at Pooch's wedding, potentially seen by his entire family and friends, and that not only embarrassed her, it also made her feel like crap for being that asshole guest that everyone would be talking about for months to come.

*****

Jensen ignored both Roque and Clay who had crowded round to ask him what the hell he'd done to deserve a slap, but he simply pushed them out of the way, only one thing on his mind, getting to Stella and making her listen. He hurried out of the room, skidding to a slightly unsteady halt in the corridor before he jogged down the hallway and into the lobby where he spotted her at the elevator.

“Stel!" He yelled her name in an attempt to stop her, drawing intrigued and surprised looks from the guests and staff alike in the atrium. "Stella, wait!"

She didn't turn around, but he could tell she'd heard him, well, everyone in the lobby had heard him, but if that wasn't evidence enough to show that his calls across the foyer had reached her, the fact that she began angrily slamming her hand against the elevator call button certainly was. Jensen hurried across the shiny tiled surface, the heels of his dress shoes clicking as he went, expertly side stepping a couple who were walking through with cases, cursing as he saw Stella stepping into the elevator. He continued running, but just as he skidded to a halt he caught a glimpse of her angry tear stained face as the doors shut.

"Fuck!" He shouted, banging his hand on the wall just above the call panel. Spinning, he almost collided with a young couple who were looking at him, and the man shot him a filthy glare as he pushed between them, running to the stairs. He took them two, sometimes three at a time as he raced to the fourth floor in an attempt to catch her, and he burst into the corridor in time to see her stalking to her room.

He paused to take a breath, relief flooding his system at the fact he'd manage to catch her before she got to her room, before he realised he still had to stop her.

“Stel!” His shout was a desperate plea, and she spun to face him, her face surprised clearly at how he'd managed to get there so quick, and whilst she was still he took his chance. “Look, I’m sorry I made you upset but-“

With that she gave an angry growl almost as she turned around and carried on, the heel of her shoe catching a little as she did, causing her to stumble and Jensen felt his anger boiling over, this was fucking ridiculous, and here he was shouting down a hotel corridor, to her fucking back.

"For fucks sake, Estella, will you a stop being a bitch and just listen to me?"

At that she stopped dead and wheeled round, sheer venomous disdain etched across her face. "I am SICK of listening to you Jacob." She spat his full name back at him, in response to him using hers. "It’s always the fucking same. You know if anything I should have listened to you years ago when you dumped me and stayed the fuck away from you and your stupid-"

"You just slapped me, Stella!" Jensen exclaimed "In front of everyone in the fucking room! The least you can do is hear me out, I deserve that surely?"

"You don’t deserve shit." She snorted. "Now take a hint and leave me the fuck alone!"

"What, like your boyfriend?"

The words flew out of Jensen's mouth before he had even registered them, and from the look on Stella’s face she was as shocked as he was that he'd gone there. She took a deep breath, looked at the floor before she raised her head and stared at him, fresh tears in her eyes and Jensen sighed in frustration at himself.

"You know, just when I think you can’t go any lower." Her voice was soft and sad now, and Jensen stayed silent as he knew that had been a low blow. She took another shaky breath, shaking her head. "I’ve never come so close to hating you as I have right now. You are an asshole."

"Stell, look, I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said that..."

"Go to hell." She stated, her voice flat as she turned and carried on walking towards her room.

"Cougar told me what Evan said." Jensen blurted out, more words he hadn't planned on saying, and once more she stopped dead.

"Fucking-"

"Did you say it back?"

There was no answer.

"You didn't, did you?" Jensen continued to press as she started walking towards her again. "That's why he isn't here, aint it? Because you couldn't say it, and you fell out, and-"

"You tell me," she stopped at the door to her room, foraging in her purse for her key, "I mean, clearly you have all the answers and know everything about how I feel and-"

"Damnit Stella, just-"

"You know what?" She spun to face him as he stopped besides her. "Evan might not be perfect but he’s never dumped me for no fucking reason, then used me as and when he wanted. But, I suppose that’s on me because I was never strong enough to tell you to fuck off and now that I am, you don’t like it." She raised her hand and jabbed him in the chest. "You don’t like the fact I’m not there when you want to fuck something because I’ve got someone else in my life-" another jab "-someone who… who loves me and I-."

"And you what Stel?" Jensen interrupted her rant with a snort and she fell silent, her eyes flashing. "See you can’t even say it, can you?"

Stella glared at him, a look that would make anyone else quiver in their shoes but not him, not now. He was too far gone trying to make his point, trying to make her see his point, to care how angry he was making her.

“Just admit it Stella," he arched his eyebrow, stepping forward. He planted one hand by her head, palm flat on the surface of the door as he leaned closer to her, his voice level and even as he stated, “you don’t love him, you never will.”

“Fuck you.” Stella stumbled over her words a little, before her hands planted on his chest and she shoved him. Jake stepped back, slightly off balance more to the alcohol in his system than the force of her push, but he steadied himself, moving forwards again. She made to shove him once more but this time he was ready, and his hands caught her wrists, fingers curling round them as her room key fell to the floor.

“Fuck me yourself.” He shot. At that she shook her head and scoffed. “What’s the matter, Stel?” Jake’s voice dropped a little as his grip around her wrists tightened, and he pressed her further into the door, his head dropping, face inches from hers. “Scared you might like it, still?”

“Asshole.” Her voice was nothing more than a whisper and she pulled her arms violently to the side, Jake letting go. Once more she pushed him, this time he stepped away so she could bend and retrieve her room key from the floor, which took her a few attempts, her hand and eye coordination impaired from the drink. Eventually, she grabbed it and stood, a little unsteadily, turning her back to him.

As she slid the card into the slot, Jake was once more in her space behind her, his hands softly on her waist and he leaned towards her, his breath hot on her ear.

“Don’t be a chicken, Stel.” His voice was gravelly and he braced, waiting for another blow, but it never came. She swallowed a little, her chest heaving, and she made no attempt to stop his advances. She'd let go of what she had to say, and now she was physically proving him right in his assumptions and her denials

Emboldened by this, Jensen placed a soft kiss to her neck as she pushed the door to her room open, causing her breath to catch in her throat. She turned to him, her eyes locking into his and Jensen could see the conflict behind them. There was a war going on between her head and her heart and, had he been sober, Jensen probably would have walked away, knowing what he was doing was pretty shitty and unfair. But he wasn’t sober. He was drunk, and not just on alcohol but sheer desire for the woman stood in front of him. His Stelly. The girl he still loved.

As her large, clear blue eyes bounced across each of his whilst she grappled with her internal turmoil, Jake stood stock still waiting for her to make her move. He took a deep breath, expecting her to shove him away for that final time, and he would have taken it then, having already proven his point to both her and him, but then he saw it, that familiar darkening of her eyes.

The spark Stell still carried for him, that small flicker of a flame that for so long had been starved of oxygen, suddenly exploded and she reached out, grabbing his loose tie, bringing his lips crashing down to hers. Jake surged forward, pushing her backwards as he continued to kiss her, kicking the door to her room shut with his foot before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close,  pouring every single bit of emotion and frustration he’d felt over the past few months into the kiss.

It was urgent, it was desperate, and the pair of them stumbled around the hotel room, Stella pushing his jacket off and tossing it to the floor somewhere before she yanked off his tie, her fingers moving to undo his shirt. Jake's hands fumbled with the floaty tulle skirt of her dress as he pulled it up around her waist, trailing hot kisses down the side of her neck whilst Stella pushed his shirt down his arms where he shrugged it off. Her hands planted on his chest as she smoothed her delicate palms over the solid planes of muscle, sliding them down over his defined abs and he gave a soft hiss as he felt her nimble fingers undoing the buckle of his belt. In a quick move that made her squeak slightly, he reached down and grabbed her ass, hauling her off the floor, her legs wrapping around his waist as he backed her up against the large sliding doors which led out to the balcony. His lips pressed back to hers whilst her back hit the thick glass a little harder than he had intended, drawing a soft grunt from her mouth as it rattled in the frame.

“Ow.” she mumbled against his mouth, grabbing a fist full of his hair and tugging harshly so he looked at her. He gave an apologetic grin she looked at him for a moment before her hands moved and plucked off his glasses, in a movement that really shouldn’t be hot but for some reason it always was. He took them from her, depositing them in his pocket as his lips gently latched onto her neck, sucking at the pulse point. A barely there whimper sounded in his ear as he nipped at her skin and his attention moved downwards, hot, open mouthed kisses traced down her sternum which was exposed between the deep V neckline of her dress. A low moan left her mouth and her hips pushed down against the bulge in his trousers and he pressed into her, giving her the friction she was asking for. Her hands skimmed down his spine, her fingers making his skin burn and prickle as they danced over his back, coming to rest on his broad shoulders , digging into his muscles as Jake pushed his hips up again, grinding against her.

Neither of them were thinking straight, it was way past that point. This was a pure, carnal desire between two, once-upon-a-time long term lovers, both desperate to scratch that deep itch that they still had for one another. But still Jake paused, pulling back so he could take a moment to look at her. She was slightly dishevelled, strands of her hair had fallen loose from her up-do, framing her heart shaped face. Her cheeks were flushed, lips swollen from his kisses, but it was her eyes which caught him. He'd always loved her eyes and now they were staring at him with a wild, lust filled look that he knew so well. He swallowed a little, before she moved her hands to his cheeks, pulling his face back to hers. Jake moaned into this kiss and his hands moved round her back, her feet landed on the floor as her back slipped slightly against the smooth surface she had been pressed against. Their mouths remained open, pressed together, sharing air as Jensen slid the zipper of her dress down, causing it to gape a little at the front and he reached up, thumbs gently running on the underside of the straps before he slid them down her arms, placing a soft kiss to each of her shoulders in turn. As he pushed the soft, blue chiffon of her dress down to her waist he couldn’t help the carnal growl that rumbled in his throat as he saw she wasn't wearing a bra.

"Fuck, Stel. You're beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful." He muttered, his lips back on hers as his hands cradled her face. She stepped out of her dress, his hands moving down to grip her hips, fingers curling over the softness of her flesh as he pushed her back against the cold surface of the window. His lips claimed hers again before he moved his mouth, nibbling his way down the column of her throat, tongue dipping into the hollow at the base of her neck, teeth grazing her collar bone as he mapped his way down her body in a way he had done so many times before.

Stella felt Jensen's hands sliding down her bare thighs as he sunk to the floor and her brain had barely registered the fact he was on his knees, when he hooked one leg over his shoulder, shifting her soaked panties to one side. At the first touch his mouth made to her inner thigh she sighed in pleasure, the raw scratch of his short beard a contrast to the warm, softness of his mouth as he moved upwards before he finally gave one long lick over her sex, dipping his tongue into her a little, causing her to cry out in pleasure, one hand falling to his head, the other palm slapping against the glass surface behind her. He repeated his action, his tongue flicking up through her sensitive outer lips and this time he sucked on her clit, causing her back to arch, her had dropping back in sheer pleasure as her shoulders pressed further onto the glass in an attempt to keep herself up-right, all the time writhing at his actions.

His tongue and lips worked in tandem, un-doing her lap by lap, all the time she was vaguely aware of the fact she was begging him not to stop, her words punctuated by gasps and pants, manicured nails digging into his scalp as her hand curled over his head, fingers tangling into his short hair. It wasn’t long before Stella felt that familiar tightening across her stomach and her leg trembled slightly as she fought to keep herself upright.

“Fuck, JJ,” she stuttered, as he let out a groan, the vibration so pleasurable it was almost painful as his tongue dipped in and out of her entrance, continuing to fuck her the way he had always been able to do. The burning in her stomach suddenly took over her entire body and she gave a loud cry as she came, her head falling forward before it rolled back again against the window with a hard thud as the world around her went silent. She grasped Jensen’s shoulder as her leg gave way and he quickly stood up, catching her easily, a grin on his face as she opened her eyes and looked at him, her pupils blown with lust, her thighs once more locked round his waist. He kissed her again, the kiss absolutely filthy as he stepped back and turned them, crossing the room where he dropped her gently onto the bed.

She knelt up on the soft mattress, her now almost completely loose hair falling over her face as she hooked her fingers into the belt loops of his dress slacks and pulled him to her. In one smooth, fluid movement of her hands she’d undone his flies before she slid his pants and boxers down in one swoop. She dropped her head and took him in her mouth without so much as a warning, her eyes locked onto his.

“Shit, Stel” he mumbled, his hands tangling into her hair, guiding her softly as she moved, her head bobbing back and forth before she pulled away to lick along the base of his shaft, tracing the vein in the underneath, and Jensen knew then if she carried on he was going to blow his load before he’d even gotten to the main event.

“Get up here.” His voice was low as he cupped her face and guided her back up, kissing her again. With a gentle shove, Jensen pushed her back on the bed, stepping out of his remaining clothes before he crawled over her, sliding her lace underwear down her long, smooth legs. He didn’t give her a chance to say anything before he gave her ankles a soft tug, pulling her down further on the bed, crawling between her thighs, his mouth tracing its way up from her belly to her breasts which were heaving, nipples pebbled in excitement. Knowing exactly what would leave her nothing short of a wreck underneath him, he turned his attention to her right breast, lapping and sucking, grazing with his teeth whilst his hand palmed at her left. She let out a soft, breathy moan, which was music to Jensen's ears as his mouth and hand traded places. He worked her over, till she was begging to feel him where she needed him, her knees clenching around his slim waist, desperate for something to help the burning that was between her legs. He shifted his position a little, propping himself up so he could kiss her deeply again, hands on either side of her face as he buried himself inside of her, with a loud groan.

“God you feel so good, Stel.” His mouth moved over her jaw to her ear as he praised her, nipping at the lobe. At his words Stella gave a loud groan as he thrust up into her again, deeply, burying himself to the hilt before he rotated his hips in a dirty grind, a move he knew drove her wild. She cried out, clawing at his back and he groaned as she tipped her hips up to meet his.

"You know,” another thrust, "he’ll never be able,” another thrust, “to fuck you the way I can," he rotated his hips for another grind which caused her once more to cry out, nails biting at his back as he drove a little deeper, "because he doesn’t know you like I do."

To prove his point, one hand moved and gently wrapped round the front of her throat, giving the gentlest of squeezes but he knew that would send her feral. It was something he had discovered a long time ago, being so in control the rest of the time, Stella loved when he would take over like this, dominate her a touch and whisper cheeky, dirty little things into ear. It had always driven her crazy and tonight was no exception. He’d succeeded in throwing fuel onto the fire that was already raging, and a sharp, strangled wail of his name stuttered from her lips as he felt her fluttering around him.

"You were made for me, Baby Girl." Jensen’s own voice was a low growl as his hips picked up their pace, Stella's head falling back onto the pillows as Jake's mouth claimed hers again, the kiss sloppy and desperate matching the rhythm of his thrusts.

Because he was. He was desperate for this woman. Desperate like he’d never been desperate before.

“Jakey.” She keened underneath him, hands still clawing the muscles of his back which were flexing under her touch, equally as needy for him as he was her. He reached down to hook a leg over his shoulder causing her to mewl loudly at the change of angle and depth as he continued to drive into her like his life depended on it. He bent over, mouth swallowing another loud moan as he did, feeling her sweat soaked skin slick against his.

“Fuck, baby I’m close,” he stuttered, his hips snapping back and forth, “see what you do to me?”

Her beautiful eyes were wide, her mouth pressed to his as she let out a broken lament as her walls fluttered around him again, causing him to almost purr in delight as she did. She was close, so fucking close. And it felt good. As his cock dragged in and out of her, the feel of him sliding up against her spot had her worked into a complete frenzy, and she was teetering right on that edge.

“Don’t stop,” she panted, her head falling back further onto the pillow as she grasped his arms whilst he continued to fuck her into the mattress. And then, her stomach tightened and she felt the rush of pleasure that she knew was the end, beginning to wash over her. "Oh, God, Jake...I'm..."

"Come on, Stel." Jake growled, his hips still pumping in and out of her "Cum for me, Baby, just like you always do."

At his words, she gave a low, sultry whimper and her eyes fluttered shut, nails digging into his biceps as she shuddered underneath him, her back arching as her walls clamped down on him, milking his cock and that was it. He was done for, just like he always was when it came to this woman.

“Shit, Stel," he groaned as he felt his abs tighten as he came with a force he hadn't felt in a long time. His hips faltered as he cried out, shooting his load straight into her, before after one final, deep thrust he collapsed on top of her, his face buried into her neck.

The room was silent bar the sounds of their deep, heavy breathing as they both came down, fighting for control. Jake felt her hands gently move round to tangle in his hair, nails scratching his scalp and he raised his head, eyes still closed, enjoying her touch.

“Jake,” she finally whispered, still slightly out of breath but he didn't miss the tremble in her voice and he raised his head, opening his eyes to see her looking back at him. Her cheeks were flushed, hair all over the place and fuck, he’d never see anything so damned beautiful in his life as her undone underneath him. But her eyes, they were misting over with tears and he swallowed, shaking his head.

"Stel… " he began, and she turned her head away from his, screwing her eyes shut as her face crumpled.

"Fuck, what did we just do?" She whispered, opening her eyes and she looked at the wall to her right for a moment before Jensen tipped her face back round to him.

"Don't." He shook his head, pressing a kiss to the bridge of her nose. "Don't do this, not now." He pressed their foreheads together, his nose bumping hers and she gave a quiet sniff as he pressed his lips to hers softly.

“Do you want me to go?” He didn’t really want to ask the question, for fear of her answer but she shook her head, her eyes a little lost as she looked at him.

“No, I don’t. And that’s the problem.” She whispered.

He wanted to try and assure her that it was all okay and that they hadn’t done anything wrong but his words died in his throat, because he knew technically they had. Whatever was going on with her and Agent Shitname, she was still with him, meaning she’d cheated and he knew that would be cutting her up inside.

And now Jensen felt like shit for putting her in that position.

He gently pecked her lips again and with a soft movement he pulled out from her and lay on his back, his hand rubbing his chest. After a little pause he felt Stella turn into him and her head lay on his chest, his arm curling round her shoulder as she sniffed a little, turning her face into his sternum.

“It’s gonna be okay, Stelly.” He pressed a kiss to her head.

It was lame, but it was all he could thing to say. He wasn’t surprised when she didn’t reply, and there wasn’t another word spoken between the two of them before they both fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.

****

Stella woke the next morning, her bare back pressed into a hard, muscled chest and didn't even need to turn round to know whose arm was thrown round her waist. As the memories of what had happened the night before flooded her brain she squeezed her eyes closed, taking a deep, shuddering breath, fighting the urge to snuggle further back into the arms of the man she knew so well. Instead, she gently untangled herself from Jensen and without a glance back headed quietly into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She glanced in the mirror and grimaced as she saw the previous day’s make up was streaked all over her face. Grabbing her cleanser from her toiletries bag she wiped it away, tossing the cotton pads into the trash before she turned on the shower and stepped into the stream. She stood there for a while, her face titled to meet the water as it beat down on her, washing away the silent tears that were pouring down her cheeks.

Ten minutes or so later she stepped out, almost working on auto pilot and dried herself off, before grabbing one of the hotel provided towel robes. Once wrapped in it, she squeezed the water out of her hair, dragged a brush through it and then opened the door.

Just as expected, Jensen was still flat out in the bed, although he'd now turned onto his back. It had always been a joke between the two of them that he could sleep through a damned earthquake after a heavy drinking session, yet never failed to hear his alarm. Stella took a moment to study his face, a face she knew by heart, every freckle and line, the curve of his nose and angle of his jaw. Biting her lip, she moved towards the back of the room, made herself a coffee as quietly as she could before she retrieved her phone from her purse that had been tossed down carelessly the night before and headed out onto the balcony, closing the doors behind her.

She sank into one of the chairs, tucking her legs under her and glanced at the screen. There wasn't much battery left but she had a couple of missed calls. One from Clay and another form Cougar, both probably wondering where she had bailed to, and one from Evan. She swallowed as she also spotted she had a message from him too.

Ev- Hey, Pumpkin. Look, I'm so sorry about how things went down the other night. I overreacted, and that's on me. I really hope you're having a good time. Please call me when you can, and we can talk when you're home xx

Stella felt the guilt twist in her gut even more and she gave a sigh, tossing her phone onto the table.

"He’ll never be able to fuck you the way I can, because he doesn’t know you like I do."

Jakes voice rattled around her head and she took a dep breath, looking over the balcony down at the pool area below. Try as she might, she couldn't even deny he was right. The sex with Evan wasn't bad, in fact she would go as far as saying it was pretty damned good, likely to be earth shattering to most women. But, to her, there had always been something that held her back.

And now she was forced to admit head on what she'd been trying to deny for months. It was because he wasn't Jake.

Jake Jensen had worked her way into his heart from the day they had met when they were merely eleven years old, and try as she might she couldn't shake him. That year they had been apart, she'd tried so hard, and had been sure she'd managed, and then she'd seen him and they'd fucked, and fallen back into that awful cycle of being together but not being together.

She couldn't stay with Evan. She'd known that even before last night had happened but the fact she'd basically opened her legs so easily for Jensen went to prove that she didn't love Evan, and she wasn't sure she ever would.

She took a shuddering breath and then her attention jerked upwards as Jake opened the balcony door, his hair mussed, top half bare as he rubbed his eyes, his glasses in his hand.

"Hey." he offered, almost shyly and Stella gave him a nod.

"Hi."

There was an awkward silence as he sat down on the chair opposite her, slipping his glasses onto his nose. He watched as she avoided his gaze, glancing over the balcony, occasionally looking at her hands which were worrying one another. Eventually, he could stand it no more and he reached over to take her hands in his.

"Stel, look, last night..."

"Last night was a mistake." She spoke, her eyes locking onto his. Jensen felt his gut churn, her words an icy blade digging into his heart.

"So, you’re just gonna pretend like it didn't happen and go back to that prick?" Jensen looked at her, his voice measured and Stella shook her head.

"No, I can't do that. Not now. Me and Evan are over, I'm gonna tell him when we get back. I don't love him, you're right. Because if I did I would never have given in and slept with you." She licked her lips.

Jake swallowed and looked down at his hands which were clasped around hers before he raised his head to stare her straight in the eye. "I'm sorry." he said eventually. "I'm sorry if you felt like, well, like I pushed you..."

"No, that's not what I'm saying." She squeezed his fingers. "I just, me and you, we can't keep doing this. We go round and round in circles and…" She took a shuddering breath as she trailed off, unable to articulate what she was trying to say.

"No, I get it." Jake gave her a small smile. He let go of her hands and stood up. "I should probably erm, go,” he gestured to the door, “I need to shower before breakfast and the taxi to the airport arrives."

"Okay." She nodded.

She watched him open the door to head inside, before he paused and turned to face her.

"I know you said what happened last night was a mistake, but I just want you to know that I wouldn’t change it for the world."

With that he gave her a final smile and headed back into the hotel room. Stella could see him through the glass doors as he hastily dressed, before without so much as another word he left, and as she heard the door to her room close, the tears once more began to fall.

**** Chapter 7 Part 3

[hanoella]

Affettuoso- With Feeling (Part 6)

Pairing: Bucky x Pianist!Reader

Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam’s who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he’s not the only one looking for a fresh start.

Series tags/warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Canon Level Violence

Part 6 Word Count: Just over 6k

A/N: It's been such a joy to write this series. Once again, thank you for all your support! Every heart and comment motivates me and is just so wonderful

Taglist!: @vicmc624 @officiallykuute @undiadeestos @tailsoflightning

Read Part 1; Masterlist

“Please join me in welcoming Irina Novikov, the Reigning Queen of Russian Classics!”

Bucky watched from the special box seat as you walked out from the left curtain, the silver embroidery on your sea-reminiscent blue-green dress and matching hairpin glinting in the bright spotlights. You shook hands with the conductor and faced the crowd, greeting them with a deep bow at the waist. You sat at the piano which had been moved from the back left to the front, right by the conductor. The crowd clapped all the way until you sat down on the bench. Bucky watched you smooth out the tea length dress on your lap, your black velvet flat peeking out to settle on the golden pedal.

Bucky tried to pay attention to conductor as he explained the piece, but he was just so confused about the name. He looked down at the program he had gotten at the front. Irina Novikov was featured and italicized, indicating that person as their featured guest for this concert season. There was applause once more as the conductor gestured to you to open with your opening solo piece. Seeing your shoulder rise with your preparing breath, he watched as you raised your arms to begin playing.

The opening notes grew in intensity before settling into a haunting melody. It gradually filled the extravagant room. It was amazing how one instrument could fill an entire room. Or rather, one person. One beautiful, talented person.

You captured the attention of every person in the theater. Framed on either side of the stage with deep red curtains, you were in the spotlight. The way you moved as you played conveyed the emotions of the music. You could have been a dancer, arms moving gracefully up and down the entire length of the black grand piano.

Enchanted, Bucky was focused on you, and only you. The blue tulle cape on your right sleeve of your dress fluttering as you moved, hiding the shoulder. There was one stray piece of hair that moved with you, having fallen out of the low bun you had pinned with a silver chrysanthemum comb. The silver thread twinkled. It was as if you were the night sky itself, clear and brilliant.

---

Earlier in the month…

Bucky had just gotten back from his trip with Sam. Parking his sports bike, he walked into the garage to the door of his apartment, where something was sticking out. A white envelope, addressed simply to his first name. Walking up the steps and chucking the keys on the table, he opened the letter to find a note stuck to a lanyard with a ticket in the holder.

Here’s a season pass I got from the orchestra. If you’ve got nothing better to do, come see me play! :)

He looked down at the bottom where your name was scrawled, half-cursive and half-print. Flipping the ticket around, he saw the dates of all the concerts, the opening of the season being next weekend. Russian Classics-Part One was listed as opening weekend’s theme. Well, that was your specialty, right? He had to come.

Peeking out the window facing your house, he saw that your car was missing from the driveway. Probably at rehearsal. Wait, what do you wear to something like that? Did he even own a suit?

After taking one look into the closet, the answer to that was no. He was going to have to get one. Which is how he ended up at the tailor’s with Sam.

Sam had replied to Bucky’s text on where to get a suit. How have you gone this long without having a suit? Every man needs a good suit. What’s the occasion?

Bucky had texted him back. Never needed one until now. It’s for the concert next weekend.

Oh snap, that is an occasion. Meet me here-

So now, he was sitting in the plush velvet armchair by the entrance, waiting for Sam to show up. He was on his phone, scrolling through the news, trying to avoid the gaze of the sales clerk who was giving him quite the look from under her eyelashes. Thankfully, Sam came to the rescue.

“So, what’s the vibe we’re going for? Sleek? Rich? Mob boss?” Sam asked, rubbing his hands together.

“What? I just need a suit, man.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he mumbled under his breath, before getting hyped up again. “Let’s get you a suit!”

An older Black man dressed in brown slacks and a white button up came up to them and greeted Sam with enthusiasm.

“Sam! Good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you Mr. Frank!” Sam said, hugging him. “You remember my friend Bucky from the cookout, right?”

“Of course, I do. Good to see you Mr. Barnes” Mr. Frank said with a smile that brought out little wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, giving him a handshake.

“Bucky, please.”

“Well Bucky, what can I do for you?”

Sam answered for him. “Bucky here is going to need some suits so that they don’t kick him out when he shows up at the orchestra.”

“The one that your friend is at?”

“Yeah, actually. How do you know that?” Sam asked.

Before Mr. Frank could answer, a familiar voice floated faintly into the room.

“Wow, Selena, it’s absolutely stunning! I honestly couldn’t have asked for better. It’s beautiful.”

Sam and Bucky looked at each other before walking under the arch into the other room, Mr. Frank following. There on the short pedestal, you were standing in the middle of the room, holding the slightly big shimmering blue-green dress to your chest to prevent it from falling while the seamstress pinned the various alterations. Your hair was up in a messy bun, giving the seamstress room to work. The soft light of the chandelier giving you an ethereal glow.

Sam gave a low whistle. “Wow, you are one pretty lady.”

You looked in the mirror to make eye contact with Sam.

“Sam!” You said excitedly, turning your head and causing the seamstress to chastise you while chuckling. Your eyes then flitted to Bucky, suddenly leaving you feeling very exposed. You hadn’t seen him from the angle in the mirror. A blush creeping over your nose, you spoke

“Bucky!” You said with more surprise than enthusiasm. You were very happy to see him. He had just caught you off guard. His eyes lingered on the exposed piece of your back, framed with soft sea foam tulle, before meeting your eyes.

“Hey.” He said simply, before clearing his throat, red creeping up his neck. You stared at each other for a moment before the seamstress hung the measuring tape on her neck and gave the all clear.

“You can move now, but don’t mess up my pins.” Selena said, turning to point at Sam for the last part of the sentence.

“I would never.” Sam said fondly, putting a hand to his chest before wrapping the seamstress in a hug.

“This is my wife, Selena. We’ve owned this shop for the last twenty years.” Mr. Frank explained proudly, introducing Bucky to Selena. “Selena, this is Bucky Barnes, Sam’s right hand man.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” She said with a smile, shaking Bucky’s hand.

You hopped off the pedestal to give Sam a hug.

“I am so excited to get back to performing, Sam. You have no idea. Are you coming next weekend for the opening performance?”

“I’m gonna try my hardest! I have a meeting with Senate that morning, but I’m gonna use the supersuit, try and fly back in time. If I don’t make it Saturday, I will for sure see you on Sunday.”

“Awh, it’s no problem Sammy. I appreciate it. I’ll just be happy if you show up at all this season.” You said, taking a step back and turning towards Bucky.

“Well, Bucky’s going to be there, for sure. That’s actually why we’re here. To get him a suit.” Sam said, tossing Bucky a wink on the side.

“Really?” You said as you looked up at him, eyes sparkling.

“Yeah. You look beautiful… by the way.”

You averted your gaze shyly. “Thank you.” You said meekly, swishing the dress slightly. “I’m glad you’re coming. I was wondering if you had gotten the season pass.”

“I did, thank you.”

Sam, Frank, and Selena all exchanged knowing looks, Sam rolling his eyes while smirking.

“Well, you guys got an exclusive sneak peak at my opening night dress. It was nice to see you guys!” You said as you gathered your dress up, Selena grabbing the back. You waved as you disappeared around the corner into the dressing room.

A few moments went by in silence before Mr. Frank spoke up.

“Well son, I see why you got it bad.” He patted Bucky on the shoulder, turning around and walking towards the main room.

“Well, I-” Bucky started, turning to see that he was alone with Sam, who was leaning over on his knees, holding in the laughter.

An hour later and Bucky had settled on a slim cut dark blue suit and a similar one in light grey. With a handful of ties and a pair of dress shoes, they were at the front to check out.

“So, the suit alterations will be done by this weekend so you can pick it up anytime this Saturday or after.” Before Bucky could pay, Sam held out a hand, shoving his card in the payment kiosk.

“This one’s on me. Just promise me you’ll make it this weekend. I might not be able to. But someone she cares about should make it to her first night back in action.”

Bucky paused before putting a hand on Sam’s shoulder and squeezing. “Thanks man.”

“Anytime, Buck.”

“Actually boys, the bill’s taken care of.” Selena said as she strolled up to the desk. “Your friend footed the bill. So, you’re paid in full.”

---

A week passed by and he hardly saw you to thank you for the suits. You would wave hello and goodbye in passing as you got into your car. Sometimes, you were dressed for physical therapy, donning clothes like army green leggings and an oversized black hoodie. Sometimes, you were dressed in business casual for rehearsals, wearing slim cut khaki slacks and a light blue blouse with the sleeves rolled up into cuffs just above your elbow.

Bucky really didn’t have anything to do since you weren’t around much. Occasionally, he raked the fallen leaves in your yard. He’d finally fixed that mower, though there was no use for it now. So, he spent his days catching up on reading, watching The Hobbit movies and waiting up for you to come home. He couldn’t really sleep if you hadn’t made it home safe yet. Something that had taken him a while to realize. It made him linger by the window facing your house, pretending to watch something on TV until he saw your car come down the driveway.

Today though, he had one thing on his to-do list. Walking into the tailor’s shop to pick up his suits, he saw that the sales clerk from last week with the eyes was working today. He cursed in his head as he walked up to the desk, where she was leaning over trying to show off some cleavage.

“How can I help you?”

“Picking up some suits. My ticket number is-”

“No need, I remember you from last week. Hard to forget a face like that.” She said with a wink as she walked to the back. Bucky purposefully looked the opposite way, clearing his throat in the process.

“Here you go Mr. Barnes, I appreciate your patronage.” She said with a sly smile.

“Thanks.” He responded dryly.

As he grabbed the hanger of the garment bag, she startled him by refusing to let go. Bucky pulled the hanger lightly out of her grasp and left. Sure, she was conventionally attractive. But she doesn’t hold a candle to you.

---

On the evening of the concert, Bucky turned to look in the mirror, making an impressed face. He didn’t look half bad. The dark blue suit had a little bit of texture, and while the white button-up made him feel a little claustrophobic, the wine colored tie really brought it all together. Running his fingers through his hair to straighten it up, he didn’t look bad at all. It made him happy that like this, he looked like a normal guy who cleaned up nice. Well, almost. He had gotten a finer, more delicate set of black leather gloves. Ones that weren’t so clunky, to match the nicer clothes he had gotten.

He looked at the clock. Still had time to buy flowers. He’s got to do something nice for your opening night. Taking a backpack, he started his bike and drove to first florist in the city to find a gift. He took a lap, everything he was looking at blending together. Red roses were too formally romantic… Daisies were too casual…

Rounding the corner of the counter, he saw a small arrangement peak out from behind a large one. It was a smaller jar filled with a few blush pink peonies, with a few stems of lily-of-the-valley, lilac and eucalyptus pouring out of the sides. Wrapped around the neck of the jar was a crème colored satin ribbon, pinned with a small square cut emerald brooch.

“Ah, that’s the perfect gifting pair, one gift to enjoy now and one to last!” The florist said, popping out from the back. Bucky thought back to your room, with the soft sage greens and soft crèmes. It was perfect. Bucky nodded while holding up his backpack.

“Uh. Is there anyway I could get it to last a trip in this backpack on a motorcycle?”

---

The florist first emptied most of the water, wrapped it in plastic, and then put it in a firm cardboard box. Carefully setting it in his backpack, Bucky thanked the florist, tipping him extra. He waved on the way out of the store, feeling good about the flowers he had picked out. The ten minute ride from the florist to the concert hall was taken very carefully.

Parking his bike and joining the long lines of well dressed people, he felt a little self conscious wearing a backpack and holding his lanyard. He tried not to draw any attention to himself as he made his way slowly up to the box office.

“Welcome to the Louisiana Philharmonic! May I see your ticket?” A perky young woman in usher’s attire asked through glass.

“Sure.” He said, sliding the lanyard through the window.

“Hey, you can’t bring backpacks in the concert hall.” The security guard said, pointing at the bag Bucky was holding.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I just-”

“Either return it to your vehicle or throw it away.” The man sternly said before the usher whispered through clench teeth and gestured for the security guard to come over. Bucky couldn’t hear exactly what she was saying, but he caught every other word or so.

Ticket… Ms. Novikov’s personal box… have to let…

The security guard squinted his eyes at Bucky before gesturing at the bag.

“What’s inside?”

“Just my wallet, keys, and some flowers.” Bucky said, unzipping the bag to show him. The security guard had him open the box and show him the flowers for good measure before grumbling something, handing the lanyard back, and letting him pass.

Yikes… Bucky thought, putting as much distance between him and security as he could. Getting up to the usher, he showed him the ticket as he was handed a program. The usher took a moment to look at the ticket before directing him to the left, away from where everyone was walking.

“Box one will be on the second floor, last entrance on the right.”

Huh.

Bucky walked up the stairs, passing a fancy bar and going down the empty hallway. Coming upon an entryway labeled Box One, he pushed aside the heavy red curtain to find that he was directly overlooking the stage. He was the closest balcony seat to the stage, the private viewing area containing five seats, two in the front and three on the step behind, staggering the tiers so that everyone could see properly. Sitting in one of the front seats, the one closest to the stage, he admired the scene.

The seats were plush and comfortable, the architecture of the theatre traditional yet stunning. The stage was framed by a huge rectangular arch that was rounded at the edges. The gold on the trim and handrails accentuated the softly glowing lights that hung in two rows over the aisles. Each bulb was captured in a long tube of rectangular glass, creating the image of a row of glowing piano keys floating in the aisles.

Speaking of pianos, the shiny black grand piano in the front caught his attention. The keys were facing him. If this is where you were playing, he would be looking at your back and have a clear view of your hands. Most of the musicians were already on stage, except for you, warming up for the night. Suddenly the orchestra stopped, commanding everyone’s curiosity. The sound of dress shoes against the stage prompted applause as the conductor, an older man, walked out onto stage. After pausing to let the applause die down, he gestured for someone to come out. There was more applause as the first chair violinist, the concert master, walked out onto stage. The woman bowed before playing a note, prompting the rest of the orchestra to tune to her pitch. She did this several times before giving a nod to the conductor and sitting down in the first chair of the row of violins.

Clearing his throat, the conductor grabbed the mic and turned towards the crowd, slight German accent coming through.

“Good evening. It is my pleasure to welcome you to the Louisiana Philharmonic Orchestra.” The crowd gave more applause before he continued.

“My name is Arthur Albrecht, your guest conductor for this season. This weekend we have a lovely selection of classics that stem from Russian composers.” He went on to explain some of the history behind Russian composers and how their music was influenced by their culture. Bucky looked at the piano that was still empty, wondering where you were. A sudden loudening of the conductors voice snapped his attention back.

“We have with us this season, the most lovely pianist, nicknamed for her excellent performance of these very pieces. Please join me in welcoming Irina Novikov, the Reigning Queen of Russian Classics!”

---

Sam had showed up right before the end of the first piece, dressed in concert attire. Playing the last chord, you held it down as it reverberated all around the auditorium, waiting for the slow fade before finally releasing the keys. A moment of silence emphasized the heavy digestion of a piece such as that. Then, the applause and whistles came. People stood up in waves as you got up from the bench and bowed once more.

Sam and Bucky stood up as they clapped, just in time as you looked towards the box. Eyes flitting over Sam, you made eye contact with Bucky before bursting into a big smile, the breathlessness from the adrenaline making the rise and fall of your chest evident. Turning back to the crowd, you graciously accepted their applause. Sam glanced to his side at Bucky. But there was no acknowledgement. Bucky stood smiling and clapping, completely enamored, completely smitten by you.

---

After a few longer pieces that included the entire orchestra, the lights came on to signal the intermission. Bucky and Sam got up leisurely, greeting each other and stretching their legs.

“Glad you were able to get here.”

“I did! That suit is amazing, man. Stupid fast.”

“You’re welcome.” Bucky said, bemused.

They chatted for a few minutes before the curtain moved, letting light in from the hallway.

“You guys made it!” You said as you hopped down the two steps before hugging Bucky, who was closest to the aisle.

“Woah, you’re gonna push me off of the balcony!” He joked, steadying himself before hugging you back tightly around his waist, resting his chin on the top of your head. You let him go, moving onto hug Sam. He squeezed you back saying, “You were amazing! And these fancy seats you scored us really let us in on the action.”

“Yes, it was incredible, seeing you play up there on that stage.”

Practically radiating happiness, you tucked the one loose strand of hair behind your ear as you let go of Sam and faced the both of them.

“Thank you guys so much for coming. I was so nervous to get back in the spotlight. Especially as a featured artist, you know?”

“Oh yeah, speaking of-” Sam said as he reached into his suit pocket for the program. “Who’s Irina Novikov?”

“Oh, shoot. I’ve been so busy with rehearsal; I didn’t even get a chance to tell you. One of the things that we worked out in my contract is that I work under a stage name, and they get all the talent of a known artist. That way, I can… avoid anyone who’s looking for me.” There was a slight pause, Bucky chiming in to lighten the mood.

“Okay, but ‘Reigning Queen of Russian Classics?’”

“Hey now, I got that nickname ever since I won that International Rachmaninoff Piano competition while I was in college. When I got back, my friends threw me a huge party with a banner that said that, and now it’s followed me throughout my career. It started as a joke, but now I kind of like it.” You said, laughing.

“Well, you basically are!” Sam exclaimed, gesturing out to the stage. “You’re gonna tell me that you don’t look like royalty up there? Especially with this dress.”

As you smiled and accepted Sam’s compliments, Bucky’s eyes finally got a chance to take in the full dress. Selena had done a fantastic job. The silver accents sparkled lightly, the fabric orchid blossoms making their way up one sleeve. She had made it to look like the bodice was made of two large delicate petals of a sea green blossom. If Thor was the god of thunder, you were the goddess of greenery.

“Ms. Novikov,” an attendant called as they peaked their head through the curtain.

“One moment!” You called back. “Sorry, excuse me for one second.”

You looked like you were practically floating as you pulled up the dress slightly to go up the couple steps, the waves of fabric moving like a mist off of the sea. The attendant said something in a hushed tone and you sighed. The attendant left and you made your way back over to them.

“I have to go, but thank you both so much for coming. I mean it.” You said, each of your hands reaching out and squeezing one of their arms.

“Wait, I got this for you.” Bucky said, reaching for his backpack. He carefully took out the cardboard box and removed it off of the vase of flowers. He watched as your face lit up.

“Oh, these are beautiful Bucky. Thank you so much. I’m going to take them to my dressing room.” You said as you accepted the flowers, gently rubbing one of the petals between your fingers.

“You have a dressing room?”

“Yeah! Its around the hall and down the stairs. If you want to see it after the show. I’ll tell the attendant at the bottom of the stairs to let you through. You too Sammy.”

“Alright, sounds like a plan.” Sam responded.

“Okay, see you guys after!”

You walked away, arranging the flowers in the vase with a small smile on your face. Bucky watched you walk away before turning to Sam who, for once, had a serious expression on his face.

“What?”

“She’s a good one, Buck.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know what it means.”

“Aren’t you the one she calls Sammy?”

“Oh, so you noticed that because you’re jealous.”

“No, of course not-”

“She’s a nice girl.” Sam said, cutting him off. “I think you two would be great together.”

Bucky bit his lip and looked to the side. “I don’t think so. I’ve still got… so much going on.”

“No offense to either of you, but so does she. She makes you happy. I can tell just by how you perk up around her. You deserve to be happy. And so does she. You know you have the same effect on her, right?”

Bucky didn’t answer.

“You’re a good person, Buck. She’s a good one, and so are you. So, give it a shot. Don’t be afraid to be happy.”

Bucky paused before swallowing and nodding.

“Thanks.”

“Of course, man. Anytime.” Sam said, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

---

The show ended with a standing ovation. The conductor took a bow, then signaled to you. You swung an arm out and gestured to the orchestra, giving them credit before you took a deep bow at the waist. When you came up, you clapped along with the crowd, facing the orchestra to applaud everyone’s fine work.

Bucky and Sam turned right out of the box, which was the opposite direction that the crowd was filing out in. After rounding the corner, they found a stairwell heading downwards, just as you had said. At the bottom, the attendant greeted them, leading all the way down to the end of the hall to the last room.

“Ms. Novikov? Your guests are here.” The attendant called, knocking on the door.

“Thank you! You can send them in.” You called from inside the room.

The attendant opened the door and gestured for them to enter. Walking in, they admired the aura of being backstage of a performance. The attendant shut the door behind them, leaving them with you as you sat at the vanity. You were adjusting your hair, just having taken it out of the bun that it was in. Soft curls fell out and framed your face, the lightbulbs around the vanity giving you a halo of sorts. The cement-bricked walls kept the room cool, housing the green velvet couches, mini fridge, coffee table and faux fur rug. There was a three-paneled, gold mirror right next to the bathroom. There was a clothes rack with several garment bags hanging from it.

“Wow, major movie star vibes in here.” Sam commented, touching the edge of the velvet couches.

“Thanks! This is the suite for guest artists. Every time they have a guest star, they make a little nameplate and hang it up outside. When my time is up, they’ll stick it outside of the room with the others.” You said, now getting up from the vanity. Your hairpiece was set down on the vanity, next to an open velvet box that held your earrings.

“I didn’t realize you were making big money like this! Dang, can’t Captain America get a raise?” Sam joked.

“Ha ha,” you said sarcastically. “I will admit I get a nice salary, but the only things I spend money on are fancy dresses and jewelry to perform in. Gotta keep up the look, give people something to see.”

“And that you do.” Sam said as he chuckled. The sound of a phone vibrating paused the conversation.

“Oh, hold on, I gotta take this. This might take a minute. Be right back.”

That left you and Bucky. You looked at him for a moment before settling down on one of the couches, folding your legs underneath of you and resting your arm against the back cushion to support your head. Swallowing, Bucky tentatively sat down next to you. It remained silent before you both spoke up at once.

“I know I-”

“I’m so happy you-”

You laughed and he gestured for you to go ahead.

“I was just going to say, thank you. I’m so happy that you came to support me. It’s been a long road to get here and I just want to let you know how much I appreciate you. I wasn’t expecting for us to be friends at all, and here we are. I’m so thankful for it. You’re just… amazing.” You said, smiling softly at him. He felt the red creep up his neck and didn’t know what to say. Fortunately, you figured that and gave him an out.

“What were you going to say?” You now gestured to him. Taking a moment, he cleared his throat.

“I was going to say, I know I already said this earlier but the concert was amazing. You sounded great.”

“Thank you.” You said simply, still staring into his ice blue eyes.

“And you look great.”

“Yeah?” You said amusedly as you raise your eyebrows.

“Yeah. You look beautiful. One might even say stunning.” A little of the old Bucky, the smooth-talking one, made a surprise appearance.

“Oh? Who’s the one?” You scooched closer to him.

“I thought it was obvious.”

“Not to me.”

His eyes met yours in a deciding moment. You watched as his eyes flickered down to your lips momentarily. You wondered if he could notice how your breath quickened.

“Ms. Novikov?”

The attendant’s voice was muffled through the door. The knocking that preceded it had startled you out of your moment. Tentatively, the door was opened just a crack.

“They’re ready to toast the champagne.” They called in. You sighed and got up.

“I’ll be there momentarily, thank you.” You called back. Satisfied, the attendant walked away, the soft clicking of dress shoes slowly fading away. You turned towards Bucky, who had also stood up.

“They’re opening a bottle of champagne in celebration of opening night, if you’d like to join me.” Your fingers nervously picking at each other.

“Yeah, of course.” He accepted, somewhat awkwardly. You tried not to be disappointed about what might’ve happened if the attendant hadn’t interrupted. Turning towards the door, you were stopped by his hand gently grasping your upper arm. Eyes wide, you whipped your head around. Bucky opened his mouth, though no sound came out.

“Yes?” You said softly, features softening from shock to gentle anticipation.

“Did I hear the attendant say something about champagne?” Sam’s voice floated in through the crack of the door. Quickly, Bucky dropped your arm and you turned towards the door. Sam opened the door and eyed the both of you. His expression changed slightly as he looked back from you to Bucky, eyes narrowing slightly.

“Did I interrupt something?”

“No.” Bucky said quickly.

“Not at all!” You said, a little nervously. Clearing your throat, you smoothed out the front of your dress. “Let’s go, they’re handing out champagne on stage.” You flitted around Sam and into the hall. Sam raised an eyebrow at Bucky, who gave him a look that told him not to ask. They followed you to the stage where the chairs had been cleared to the side to make room. The red curtains were drawn, separating the stage from the auditorium where people were still filtering out.

Upon seeing you, the conductor cleared his throat and called everyone’s attention. It fell quiet as he made your presence known. An attendant handed you a glass of champagne and you quietly requested two more for Sam and Bucky.

“This had been such a wonderful opening night. We’re so happy to have you with us this season, Ms. Novikov.” He started. A hum of agreement made it’s way around the other orchestra members. “It is a delight and an honor. Without your charity, we would not be standing on this stage tonight. Truly, you have helped us keep this program successful and alive in such turbulent times.” The orchestra broke out into thanks and cheers. Your face lit up, your smile breaking out into one bigger than it had in a long time.

“If I may, I’d like to say a few words, Arthur.” You said, gently squeezing his arm with your free hand. The conductor reciprocated warmly, setting his hand atop your before you let go. Looking behind you to make sure that the attendant had gotten Sam and Bucky some glasses, you started speaking.

“Many of you know that this is the first I’ve performed in quite some time now. The road to recovery was and still proves to be difficult. But I’m so happy to have found my way back to performing, and it is an honor that it be with the incredibly talented people in front of me. Each and every one of you has cause to be proud. This was an incredible performance. And it is with pleasure that I say the real recognition goes to you all. With all of your hard work, you were able to reopen the concert hall and provide people with a bit of respite in a time of rebuilding.”

You raised your glass. “So, with that, I say we toast. To growth, and a wonderful season.”

The others raised their glasses while repeating the words. After the celebratory sip, another round of cheers erupted. Several members came up to you with words of thanks and commendation. The jovial atmosphere under the golden hue of the stage lights made it feel surreal. Bucky looked at you, nodding your head and redirecting praise to whomever you were talking to. Your dress made you stand out in a sea of black suits and black dresses, like a gemstone amongst the coal. He’d never seen anyone so beautiful, inside and out. He was snapped out of his daze when he heard you excuse yourself politely and walking back over to them.

“Sorry about the long speech, guys. Thanks for staying.” You apologized, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Are you kidding? That was beautiful. I’m glad your back to it. You seem happy.” Sam said, always quicker than Bucky with the responses.

“I am.” You said with a big smile, gaze moving over to Bucky.

Normally, Sam would be rolling his eyes or something at Bucky, but a text stole his attention away. He looked at his phone and cursed under his breath, scrolling through something. Bucky took the moment to ask a question.

“What’d you do for them?”

You swallowed the sip you had taken and looked at him with a confused expression.

“What?”

“Sorry, for the orchestra. They mentioned charity.”

“Ah. Yes.” You looked over at Sam, who was busy texting a reply.

“I, uh… Some unexpected problems with the building were going to close the orchestra. They couldn’t afford to fix it. So, I donated half of my salary for the season to repair the theater.”

Bucky looked at you incredulously. You smiled sheepishly under his gaze.

“What?” You responded, as if he was the strange one for the reaction. You never got it though, Sam now done on his phone.

“I’m sorry, but something came up. I thought it could wait ‘til morning, but things are developing a lot quicker than I thought. We need to go.” Sam said, looking at Bucky.

Bucky opened his mouth and closed it, nodding in reluctant understanding.

“I’m proud of you. Great job tonight. Sorry we have to leave so suddenly.” Sam said, hugging you.

“Oh please, don’t apologize. Go save the world. I’ll see you when you get back. Thanks again for coming.” You said, rubbing a hand on his back before letting go. Sam looked at his phone again before looking at Bucky.

“Your go-bag is on the plane; I’ll meet you there.” He said, before walking away, giving you one more wave before typing on his phone. You and Bucky turned to each other, not saying anything. You spoke first, reluctance filling your voice.

“You should probably go. Sounds important.” You said, looking up at him.

“Yeah…” Bucky looked in the direction that Sam had walked away in before turning back to you, still unmoving. He opened his mouth to speak, unsure of what to say before settling on an apology.

“I’m sorry.” Something told you he was probably apologizing for more than just having to leave.

“It’s okay,” you said softly, placing a hand on his arm and squeezing gently. “Be safe. I’ll see you when you get back, right?”

He nodded and you reluctantly dropped your hand. He walked backstage, but not before looking back at you one last time. Someone had approached you, but you were still watching him. You gave a little wave and then he was gone. You took a big sip of your drink and nodded at whatever was being said to you.

Bucky Barnes was going to be the death of you.

[fresh-prince-of-denmark]

Analysis of the Devil Ending: Who Died and Left Aristotle In Charge of Ethics? (Pt 5)

Hello and welcome back to me over-analyzing everything in Cyberpunk. If you haven’t read my other posts, please read those first! (V’s Mikoshi Poem, Johnny’s Mikoshi Poem, The Sun, New Dawn Fades).

This part took me a lot longer to complete. Not because it was particularly long…it was just painful. Jesus Christ. I hated every second of this ending. That shit hurted.

There were a few shards located at Arasaka’s estate that I chose to skip, as I did not find ant that were unique to the location. The three the game seemed to want to draw your attention to were actually not scattered as shards, they were spoken-word. The only shard I was able to find was a portion of The Odyssey. The other two pieces of literature are In Kyoto, which is quoted to V by the guard to takes her to the hospital room, and (what I believe to be) a reference to Plato’s The Allegory of the Cave. This section is going to be super theoretical. Like, more theoretical than the rest. So bare with me please.

Let’s start easy. This is the poem that the guard quotes at V as he leads her out of the operating room:

In Kyoto,

hearing the cuckoo,

I long for Kyoto

(By: Basho, translated by Jane Hirshfield)

Ten words. What could ten words amount to? The saddest goddamn words you’ll ever hear, dammit.  This poem is a feeling more than a concept. Ever feel homesick when you haven’t gone anywhere? Lonely when you’re around other people? That’s V. This was supposed to be a victory, supposed to be what they wanted. But now Johnny’s gone, scorned and betrayed, and no one they calls seems to even be able to give V the time of day. This was supposed to be a victory, their way of going back to the way things were, getting their life back, going home. But we can never go back, can’t ever erase our experiences, what we learn, how we grow. As Misty says, we should not fear change in of itself, but who we might change into. This just goes to show what happens when we betray ourselves by rejecting our own growth: all that’s left is bitterness and sorrow.

The next day when V wakes, you can pick up a shard containing a section from Chapter 8 of The Odyssey. Now, I’m not too familiar with the Odyssey. In fact, I hate the Odyssey. So if anyone wants to jump in here and add something more intelligent, I’m all for it. The Odyssey is the tale of Odysseus, who has been trying for ten long years to return to his wife and son after the Trojan war. Odysseus is basically listening to a bard remind him of all his Trojan War trauma, and begins to weep, at which time time people start questioning what’s up with this guy:

Say what thy birth, and what the name you bore,

Imposed by parents in the natal hour?

(For from the natal hour distinctive names,

One common right, the great and lowly claims:)

Say from what city, from what regions toss'd,

And what inhabitants those regions boast?

So shalt thou instant reach the realm assign'd.

In wondrous ships, self-moved, instinct with mind;

No helm secures their course, no pilot guides;

Like man intelligent, they plough the tides,

Conscious of every coast and every bay,

That lies beneath the sun's all-seeing ray;

Though clouds and darkness veil the encumber'd sky,

Fearless through darkness and through clouds they fly;

Though tempests rage, though rolls the swelling main,

The seas may roll, the tempests may rage in vain,

E'en the stern god that o'er the waves presides,

Safe as they pass, and safe repass the tides,

With fury burns; while careless they convey

Promiscuous every guest to every bay,

These ears have heard my royal sire disclouse

A dreadful story, big with future woes;

How Neptune raged, and how, by his command,

Firm rooted in a surge a ship would stand

A monument of wrath; how mound on mound

Should bury these proud towers beneath the ground.

But this the gods may frustrate or fulfill,

As suits the purpose of the Eternal Will.

But say through what waste regions hast thou stray'd

What customs noted, and what coasts survey'd;

Possess'd by wild barbarians fierce in arms,

Or men whose bosom tender pity warms?

Say why the fate o Troy awaked thy cares,

Why heaved thy bosom, and why flowed thy tears?

Reading this made me feel just how tired V must be. All this fighting, all this war, and for what? Much like Odysseus, V has been through hell and back (literally, depending on how you see it). And it never seems to end. V has been fighting for so long, yet there’s always something more; the tests the doctor gives her are endless, and they’re always being asked to do more, over and over again, with no results or end in sight. Odysseus is teetering on despair; nothing he does seems to do will ever be enough, just like V. The world will just take and take and take. It’s exactly what V’s poem asserts in Mikoshi; the world cannot be fixed, and resistance is futile. You can’t change how corporations rule the world, and as a protestor states on the TV in the hospital room, the rich have no boundaries or morals, and we are powerless to stop them from taking whatever they want. They can take not only our souls, but our bodies, devour them in order to prolong their own lives. Johnny would, of course, disagree. Even a slap in the face to The Man is better than submitting to a corpo-leash, even if that is the easier path. And in fact, he may be right, since it seems taking Hanako’s offer is the conformist path, and the only one that leads to Saburo coming back.

But Johnny isn’t there anymore to walk the rebel path at their side. No more guardian angel to whisper when they it most to never stop fighting.

There’s a lot more we could go into here with the Odyssey; comparing Arasaka to the story of Polyphemus and the cave, talking about themes of passion vs. commitment, yadayadayada. I hate the Odyssey so that can be someone else’s problem tbh.

The final piece is what the doctor asks V to read as one of their tests. Now, on surface-level, this is foreshadowing if V will choose to stay in their body, or be turned into an engram. It’s laughing at them, really, both pitying and mocking the fact that they believe they have a choice, since either way they’re once again at the mercy of the rich and powerful:

“And it was a sight to behold, he said, how a soul would choose its life; sometimes pitiable, sometimes laughable at times wonderful and strange. For in most cases, the souls made their choice according to the habits of a former life.”

I couldn’t find where this was from, or if it was a quote from anything. But googling it does bring up Plato’s Allegory of The Cave, which I thinks tracks pretty well. I found a quote from this chapter of Plato’s The Republic, which is strikingly similar in meaning. For the sake of my sanity, lets assume that this quote is referencing this one from Plato:

“And he will count the one happy in his condition and state of being, and he will pity the other; or, if he have a mind to laugh at the soul which comes from below into the light, there will be more reason in this than in the laugh which greets him who returns from above out of the light into the cave.”

If you’re unfamiliar with the allegory of the cave, it’s a philosophical discussion from Plato’s The Republic. It’s about how human perception is limited, and so true knowledge comes from the self via philosophical reasoning. Much like humans imprisoned in a cave with only shadows as their entire world, we cannot imagine the true world outside the cave until we leave to see it for ourselves.  Those who are freed from this limited reasoning have a duty to go back and free others, subjecting them to the full experience of awakening; both the pain and the triumph it entails. V starts out with a limited perception of things; a surface-level world, never stopping to see the bigger picture, until Johnny comes along and encourages them to question the status quo. In all other endings, V accepts this enlightenment. They challenge Arasaka, and try to follow Johnny’s legacy and Stick It To the Man. Yet if they accept Hanako’s offer in an attempt to return to “the habits of a former life,” they are rejecting this new understanding, refusing to leave the cave and live in ignorant bliss. This, I believe, is where Johnny’s true feeling of betrayal comes from: not because he’s being shredded, and not because he thinks V doesn’t know any better. V learned and changed just as much as he did, and this growth was something they were able to gift to one another. Johnny is proud of his change, proud to be someone trusted by V, proud at a second chance not to fuck things up. When V gives him control to go with Rogue to Arasaka, he’s ecstatic to prove himself worthy of that trust, to prove that he’s changed. Yet V, the person who aided in that change, is now actively ignoring and rejecting their own growth, and thus is betraying themselves. By not using their enlightenment to actively oppose the status quo and rebel, they are choosing the side of the oppressor by default.

Some of her last words if you choose not to sign the contract are to Goro, “You have no idea how good it feels to be free.” But the truth is, V is not free, and now they will never be free. By walking the path they have, they are choosing willful ignorance, stubbornly clinging to the darkness of the cave because it is easier to convince oneself that they are not a prisoner at all than it is to leave the comfort of one’s chains. Either way, they are caged, even if the bars the rich and powerful build around her are clear instead of solid. Her so-called freedom (and knowledge) is pure illusion — shadows depicted on a cave wall.

[fandom-necromancer]

Late Night City Drive

Fandom: Cyberpunk 2077 | Ship: Delamain/fem!V&Johnny (Warning: Slight body horror in the first two paragraphs you can skip)

The sounds of bullets piercing into concrete and breaking glass followed her as she slid down the slope. The rough material reamed her skin and clothes, but the impending danger behind her was worse than the pain. And then came the fall. The endless fall with air rushing past her as the ground came closer and closer at terrifying speeds. Every second she would collide with the ground and feel the excruciating pain of broken bones and cracked skin. But the moment never came, there was just the fear of it coming for her any second now and the endless time spent on imagining how her body would warp and crack once it came. As time had stretched on enough, she finally collided, but not in a way she had thought to. She had fallen onto a heap of garbage bags filled to the brim with stinking waste. The impact of her fall made her sag into the mass, the foul smell causing her to gag and fight, but the mass was overwhelming and struggling only made it worse.

Suddenly there were hands on her. She looked behind herself and startled as she found herself face to face with her friends. Her dead friends. Jackie looked at her from glassy eyes, mouth distorted with blood still dripping from his lips. His hands were cold, so cold. They were the icy unmoving hands of the dead trying to grip her and pull her with them like she deserved. Behind him there stood T-Bug, eyes charcoal holes in her skull and the back of her head missing. She gripped V too, pulling her forwards and throwing her into a mass of bodies, one reeking worse than the next and all of them holding onto her with their cold dead hands. V struggled against it with all her strength, but stayed afloat only for a few moments. It was enough time to look back at Jackie and T-Bug, both of them smiling at her. ‘You killed us, V. Now join us.’ And then she was pulled under.

She jolted up with a gasp, the feeling of suffocating in a million dead bodies overwhelming her as she forced air in and out. With shaking hands, she hugged her torso, trying to shake off the feeling of countless fingers on her. Her whole body was aching at the tension and she was sure to throw up when her vision glossed over, streaks of turquoise code distorting her surroundings and gifting her with stinging headache on top of the pain that already shook her. V pressed her eyes close and swallowed to keep the bile down, knowing she just had to sit this one out. The malfunction of the relic would soon subside, and she would be able to live in her own body again.

‘Urgh, Fuck.’ She rubbed at her face, fingers caught in the familiar rim of her chrome. ‘V.’ ‘Shut the fuck up!’, the mercenary shouted, lifting up her hand signalling the ghost, the virus, the fucking splinter that would kill her in the long run, to better follow her order this time. Not that she could do much should Johnny choose to appear again. But at least she still had control over her body and could force him to disappear. ‘Just shut up, you already did enough’, she added silent this time, stood up and grabbed her gun and some clothes to throw over. She didn’t bother washing or checking the time, she knew it was the middle of the night anyways and that there was no way she would be able to fall asleep any time soon. She knew exactly what she needed, and she needed it now.

The elevator ride down to street level couldn’t be fast enough for her, already calling her car and slipping past the masses of people still on the street despite the hour to hop in. She relaxed only as she slammed the door shut and sunk into the comfortable driver’s seat. ‘Where can I bring you today?’ V just sunk deeper, staring out of  the window up into the night sky barred by skyscrapers, roads and glaring neon lights. She closed her eyes almost like in pain and appreciated once again the AI had the patience of… well, of an immortal computer program. ‘Just get me…’ She sighed deeply. ‘Just get me anywhere, Del. Outside the city. Badlands.’ ‘Of course.’

She felt the hum of the engine get louder and the seat press into her back as the car drove off. She watched the city pass her by while Delamain changed the radio to more silent, softer tunes than she normally listened to. In nights like these it was easy to forget how brutal Night City could be. If you drove through her streets, no more than an anonymous passenger of uncountable others, it seemed near impossible that underneath that beauty, underneath that architectural artwork and the bright glamourous lights hid an ugly monster half-dead but still hanging on to every piece that kept it alive and clawing at everything that tried to take it out of its misery. Was she any different to this shithole she lived in? She had been dead already and now she was living on borrowed time. She was no better than the tumour infesting this city. ‘Your little mercenary friends aren’t the problem here.’ V furrowed her brows in anger. ‘Did I fucking ask you for your opinion?’ ‘Hey, no need to get bitchy. Just saying the corporations are killing this city, the criminal basis is just a by-product of an uncaring world.’ ‘Shut the fuck up!’, V shouted furiously. ‘I just want my peace for once! Isn’t it enough you will kill me in the end? Just show a bit of patience and wait until I’m dead!’

‘I didn’t say anything.’ V sighed and concentrated on the world passing by. They were on their way out already, the highway leading to the border. ‘I know, Del’, she sighed quietly. ‘Then who were you talking to?’ ‘No one. Sorry.’ For a moment it was silent except for the rumble of the wheels and the hum of the engine as they passed the stone front that looked almost like a barrier separating Night City from nomad territory. ‘May I ask what brings you out into the Badlands in the middle of the night?’ V rubbed her forehead and looked outside the side window. ‘I had a nightmare’, she whispered then. She noticed the digital particles from Johnny’s presence and already braced for another unnecessary, cocky comment. But instead he just sat there next to her.

‘Apparently dying isn’t something the brain can easily process’, she added, maybe out of spite to jab at the construct that was killing her. ‘I’m afraid I can’t deliver any personal experience to that’, Delamain commented. ‘But if desired I can get in contact with several therapeutic-‘ ‘No’, V interrupted. ‘No, that won’t be necessary. I don’t have time for that. Just… Just let me drive for a while.’ ‘As you wish. I will disable automatic driving.’

V sat up and took over wheel and pedals. She sighed, relaxing her shoulders and accelerating just a bit more. For a quiet while it was just her and the road. Then Delamain spoke up once again: ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to intrude, but how is this helping you?’ ‘It’s…’ V risked a look over to Johnny’s projection, who shrugged and looked out of the window. ‘Some old habits die hard’, she explained finally. ‘I’m a nomad after all. Whenever the family argued or I simply had enough, I would took my car for a ride. Some days there is no better friend to have than your car and the road beneath you. Makes you feel free. Makes you feel like you’re just one of many, coming from somewhere and driving somewhere else. No one cares where that might be, you are just out there on the road, your car a little part of home.’

‘That sounds fucking lonely if you ask me.’ ‘That sounds… interesting’, Delamain said and seemed to mean it. ‘I don’t know if I understand but I will keep it in mind.’ ‘Fucking people pleaser.’ V sighed and switched stations to Morro Rock. The shock of the nightmare had subsided and now she needed distraction, not calmness. ‘It’s better than drowning your problems in alcohol.’ ‘Always worked for me’, Johnny shrugged, but smiled faintly as the radio began playing the old Samurai songs. ‘Shut up’, V replied. ‘Maybe we can do that later.’

She turned from a dusty side road to a main highway that would eventually lead her back to Pacifica and decided to test out just what Delamain hid under that hood. Seeing the needle of the speedo climb higher and higher and feeling the satisfying pressure in her back, she turned up the volume and watched the completely empty street speed towards her. The streetlights flickered past one after the next while the engine roared and the car climbed up the small slope of a hill.

She enjoyed the ride as long as it lasted and slowed down once they reached streets with more traffic. Soon they would reach Pacifica and V felt exhaustion crawling up at her once again. ‘Should I take over again?’, Delamain asked and V nodded, letting go of the wheel. ‘Are you feeling better?’ ‘Yes, I do. Thank you, Del.’ ‘I didn’t do much, but I’ll take the praise, nonetheless. Should I drive you back to your apartment?’ ‘Yeah. Guess I’ll try to get some more sleep.’ She leaned back in her seat and yawned heartily. ‘Hopefully without nightmares, this time.’

‘You are not at fault for their death’, Johnny interrupted the peace and V felt far too tired to start another fight. ‘Yeah, maybe not’, she sighed. ‘But it doesn’t change the fact that they are dead and I’m alone.’ She had a hard time keeping her eyes open with the monotone sound of the engine and the gentle sway from the suspension. ‘Doesn’t matter anyway’, she mumbled, already half asleep. ‘Gonna be dead in a few months no matter what.’ She turned a bit to the side to lay more comfortably against the curve of the chair, drifting off to sleep already. It would keep her wondering later if she had just imagined the words Johnny spoke in a surprisingly concerned tone for the asshole.

‘Not if I can help it.’

[suwya]

Till the Stars Had Run Away - Chapter 4

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Summary: Killian Jones was a voyager. Actually, he was many things, or at least he had been - a lieutenant, a brother, a loving boyfriend - until everything had turned upside down and his life had hit an all time low. So, he gave up. Aboard his spaceship he abandoned Arcadia, his planet, navigating the stars and other solar systems in search of... well, he still didn't know what he was searching for, but his rule was "never remain in the same place longer than necessary."

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Rating: M

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Prologue; Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

AO3

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A/N: Thank you @thisonesatellite​ for being the best beta I could ever ask for . And thank to all of you who are reading this.

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Chapter 4 . .

But I, being poor, 

have only my dreams; 

I have spread my dreams 

under your feet; 

tread softly because 

you tread on my dreams.

(W. B. Yeats)

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Days passed quietly. Emma and Henry went back to their usual mother-son relationship sooner than Killian had expected and he enjoyed all the domestic moments with them. Especially at night. Not that he didn’t care about the boy, Henry was always a ray of sunshine, and Killian felt he was starting to bond with him deeper than he could have ever imagined. But at night, after Henry had gone to sleep, Emma always spent some time in the main cabin, sitting next to Killian: sometimes just staring silently at the starry sky, other times listening to him explaining all the different constellations they passed through, even though Killian wasn’t sure whether she was interested in his knowledge, or she was too well-mannered to stop his blathering. 

Emma Swan. This beautiful and somehow mysterious woman had invaded his life and had fascinated him since their very first meeting. 

More exactly, she had tormented his nights and thoughts from that moment on. A bittersweet obsession that had accompanied him for years. He had almost convinced himself that he was over her, during his reckless years with his friend Robin. But that wasn't entirely true, and he couldn't lie to himself. She used to appear in his dreams when he least expected and left a hollowing feeling in his soul for the rest of the following days whenever it happened as if he wasn’t entirely complete without her.

The night he had found her again, thanks to Henry, his heart had skipped a beat and he had known he was in trouble. But it was a cross he was willing to bear. It was not only a physical attraction he felt towards her, even though he couldn’t fool himself, she was a very good-looking woman; but he was also determined to discover every single detail of what she was, no matter the effort. From that moment on, he cherished every minute, every second spent with her.

When they finally arrived at their destination, permission to land on the new planet was easily granted. Nevertheless, the day was coming to an end and they decided it was better to sleep inside the ship in the hangar than to find an available place to spend the night. 

The next morning, from one of the lockers in the entrance of the spaceship, Killian retrieved the package that he needed to trade in exchange for the item he had to recover for his client.

It was still early and Killian was surprised to see Henry coming out of his cabin, still wearing pajamas. “Are you already going?” The boy asked him, trying to suppress a yawn.

“Aye, but I will be back soon.” He assured the lad.

Henry threw a glance at the closed door behind him and stepped closed to Killian. “Mom is still in the shower. May I ask you a favor?” He whispered, conspiratorial. 

Killian made a great effort not to linger on the thought of a naked Emma under the shower jet, he breathed deeply and concentrated on the boy in front of him. “Sure, lad.”

“Today is my mom’s birthday.”

“Is it, now?” Killian was both surprised and amused by this piece of information.

“Yes. We have this tradition, my mom and I,” the boy explained. “When it's my birthday she tries to celebrate it with a cake... or something… It's not always a big thing, I remember once we just had a couple of biscuits with frozen spicy cream on them.” After a small pause, he added, “mom doesn't want to make me worry, but I can see she’s in some kind of trouble. I’d like to make a little celebration for her this time. But she won't let me wander around an unknown planet all by myself.”

Killian nodded in understatement. “You want me to purchase something sweet for your mother.” 

“I know you have your job to do, but if it's not much of a problem, could you look for something?” He asked hopefully.

“Not a problem. At all.” 

Henry's grin widened. “Of course mom doesn’t have to know anything about it. And we are going to need a name!” 

“Come again?” Killian couldn’t follow the boy’s thoughts.

Henry extended a hand to shake with the man in front of him “Operation Candlelight is on!” He exclaimed. 

Killian chuckled and retrieved his hand just in time to see Emma appearing from another door, fully dressed for the day.

She was wearing a pair of stretched dark blue jeans and a thin white v-neck blouse with a skinny light brown leather vest over it. Her hair was still damped and Killian had to swallow a groan when his eyes followed a drop of water running down her cleavage. 

“Oh, Henry, you’re already awake.” She said surprised.

“I was just saying to your boy…” Killian came in help to a puzzled Henry, who wasn’t so quick in thinking of a good excuse why he was already out of bed. “I've heard there's a fair in town.” 

He turned to Henry “Maybe you and your mother could have a look while I’m attending my duties.” And then back to Emma “What do you say, Swan?”

The boy looked hesitantly at his mother. 

"I think it's a good idea," she agreed and was rewarded by a big grin on Henry's face.

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~·~·~·~

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.    The trade went smoothly as predicted, which gave Killian enough time to deal with the assignment that Henry had sent him on.

Finding something sweet to celebrate was more difficult than expected, it took him a few rounds through narrow streets and alleys and after asking a few passers-by for information, he finally found something that in his opinion could serve as dessert. But the hardest part was to discern the right thing to buy as Emma's present. Henry hadn’t mentioned anything about a gift, but Killian thought it could be the right excuse to surprise her.

The problem was that he had no clue what she would like. 

Killian tried to think about the time the two of them had spent together. All right, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to linger on the memories of their first encounter. And maybe it wasn’t good either to think about their second one. But since Henry entered his life things had changed. When the boy was in the same room with them, she seemed more relaxed, more condescending, less closed up inside her inner barriers. Killian would say she even seemed happier. 

And the moments shared at night in his cabin had been... well, some had been carefree and others had been intense, very intense. In the short amount of days they’d spent together, Killian had already revealed to Emma too much information about his past, something he had never done before with anyone, not even his best friend Robin. And that was alarming. He knew he had a soft spot for her, but to which extent? 

Bloody Hell, man, you’re so screwed-up! He said to himself. That Lady Swan is going to be the death of you. Killian sighed and passed a hand through his hair as if that simple gesture could be enough to clear up his mind. Swan. He thought and realized that he never asked her why she chose exactly this surname while changing her identity. He assumed that it had to mean something of significance to her. And there it was: the perfect idea for a gift.

When he went back on his spaceship it was already late evening and he found his guests sitting at the table in the entrance playing hologram chess. 

“Who's winning?” He asked, securing the locks of the main gate.

“Henry is a much better player than I am,” Emma admitted.

Killian took a seat next to her and whispered something in her ear. After that Emma studied the board. “Oh. That's an interesting move,” she exclaimed carrying out what Killian had just suggested.

“It's not fair. That's cheating.” Henry complained. 

“Come on, lad, your mother is at an evident disadvantage. Let me give her some advice.” But when Henry made an unsure face, “just this time?” Killian added winking at the boy.

“Ok...but only this once.” Henry surrendered.

Emma looked at them perplexed, sensing that something was brewing between them, but didn't ask for further explanations.

Dinner passed by telling how their days had gone. It was clear that Henry had enjoyed the fair quite a lot, especially some storytelling he’d had the opportunity to attend. “Have you ever been to the NTH-Confederates planets, Killian?”

The NTH-Confederates planets belonged to a very far galaxy and they were shrouded in layers of fabulous legends. Killian had always had problems discerning the truth from the myth, but he knew the large hand of The Industry had touched them somehow, and they had succumbed to it, dark times awaited those planets. “I've heard about them but never had the luck to land over there. From what I know, it's a very different place now than what it was in its glorious days.”

“This man, he told us of so many fantastic creatures he saw!”

“I wouldn't believe every word the storyteller said, kid. They are just stories.” Emma tried to rationalize.

“Yeah. I suppose. But it would be cool if a place like that actually existed.”

“One can always dream about marvelous lands and wish they exist, right? Talking about dreams and wishes…” but Killian didn’t finish his sentence, he stood up from the table and went to rummage in some of the kitchenette lockers. When he turned to face his guests, he was holding a sort of a brown whole cupcake with colorful cream and a single lighted candle on top. He deposited it in front of an astonished Emma with a grin on his face, and he sat down again on his chair. “Sorry, it was the only sweet food I’ve found on this planet.” He said apologetically.

“Killian...?” Emma started to say, but Henry was faster: “It's perfect!” The boy was wearing a matching grin to the man in front of her. 

“How...? What does it mean?” Was the only thing she was able to put into words.

“Well, some fleeting rumor told me that today is some sort of anniversary. Correct me if I’m wrong.” Killian explained. Before she could answer him, he lifted a hand to stop her.  “Before blowing out the candle, don't forget to make a wish!”

She looked up at her son, then at Killian for a brief moment, then she closed her eyes. When she opened them again there was resolution and something Killian identified as hope in them. She blew out and the candle went off.

Cheers and applause rang out. Henry was glowing, hugging his mother fiercely, while Killian smacked his forehead, as if he was suddenly remembering something, and then he retrieved a little package from one of his pockets. He offered it to a puzzled Emma. 

She extricated herself from her son's arms and took the wrapped item Killian was giving to her. “What is this?” She asked cautiously. 

“Customarily, a surprise is part of the fun of gift-giving.” He answered smiling. “Open it.” He urged her. 

Opening the paper wrapping Emma found a small dark swan pendant made of polished meteorite rock.  “It’s beautiful,” she whispered with shiny eyes, close to tears.

.

.

~·~·~·~

.

.

Later that night, Killian was resting on his hammock with his arms behind his head. The door opened and closed and Emma entered his cabin as she had always done the last few nights while they were flying. But tonight was a bit different. He wasn't sitting at the controls, but already lying on his bed.

She approached him with a serious look.

“Everything alright, Swan?” He asked as she stepped closer biting her lower lip.

She seemed to consider the situation for a few seconds before climbing into the hammock and lying next to him: her head on his chest and an arm resting across his torso. “Thank you.” She spoke so quietly that Killian wasn’t even sure he had heard correctly.

He didn’t know how to react, he felt paralyzed. But when it seemed she was feeling comfortable with the proximity, he put his left arm around her back and released a breath he didn't know he was holding.

They spent a few moments like that, neither of them wanted to break the spell of silence. Killian’s mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. Of all the questions he would have liked to make her, to help him solve the puzzle this incredible woman represented, one came out of his mouth without really thinking about it “What happened the day we met? I mean after I left.”

She kept quiet for a few minutes, and he began to believe that she was in no mood to speak, but then she started with a soft voice almost audible: “Just after you left the room, that man, Neal Cassidy, he entered declaring that it was his right to… you know. He just wanted the reward money. I haven’t heard from him since. He’s probably not interested in his son at all. He just used me for his benefits.”

Killian clenched his jaw; if he had that Cassidy guy in front of him right now he would have punched him in the face. “Did he hurt you?” He asked, trying to control his rage.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly an expert in that matter, given that I was raised in strict privacy and all.” She sighed. “I knew I had to relax, but my mind wasn’t on the same path as my good intentions. So I’m not sure it was entirely his fault.”

“Son of a bitch.” Killian couldn't repress a curse. 

“If it makes you feel any better, that wasn’t even the worst day of my life.” She stated. “The night you found me on the shore… I was so furious with you. I went back to the Palace to talk with my lawyers, to see if I could banish you from the planet, or put you in jail, or something like that. But it was late and I didn’t find anyone in their office. What I did find were some papers about me, ready to be signed. You were right. The King and Queen of New-Tolemac wanted full authority on my child, they weren’t interested in me or my future.” 

“I should apologize for the horrible things I said to you that night.”

“Don’t. At least you were the only one who never lied to me.” Her gaze seemed lost in the memory of those days. “I also found a document, an old one. I discovered I was adopted, or rather, I was sold. My real parents gave me away when I was only a few days old. They probably needed some money and they used me, as so many others did.”

After a small pause, she added: “Henry is the only person in my life that cares about me for who I am.”

“I never intended to use you.” Killian assured, but he soon corrected himself: “All right, maybe I did. But that was before meeting you.”

She seemed to ponder her next words. “I know. This is why I told your name to my son when he first asked me about his father.” 

“If there's anything I can do for you…” She had told him the night Henry entered his life. 

But Killian dismissed her with a wave of his hand. “No problem.”

“Thank you for bringing him home.” Her tone was genuinely thankful.

“It was the right thing to do.” And when she didn't reply he felt it was the moment to say goodbye. 

He started stepping back but suddenly stopped and turned around facing her again. “Uh... now that I think about it. There is a thing you could do for me.” He tilted his head arching an inquiring eyebrow. “I have one question,” he said, emphasizing his words lifting one of his fingers, “why does your boy believe that I'm his father?” 

At those words, she lifted her gaze to look straight into his eyes. “I wanted Henry to believe his father was a good man.” Emma had answered, staring at him with sincerity before entering her house and closing the door behind her. 

.

[strawberry-skies-xx]

trap

W H U M P   A D V E N T   2 0 2 0

day 4-6 | burns / branding / afraid of fire | @whump-advent-calendar​

summary: Hiccup walks into a trap; a Singetail blast doesn’t miss.

word count: 3220

tags: burns, branding, hurt/comfort, whump, hiccup whump

main masterlist | story on ao3 | next entry >>

Hiccup really should’ve known that this was a trap. It’s Viggo, for Thor’s sake, and the invitation had seemed sketchy already, too good to be true.

But, he was hopeful and optimistic, and now he’s surrounded by Hunters, at least two dozen crossbows aimed at him, and Viggo standing in the very middle, smirking. Toothless growls, eyes darting around at all the Hunters. They can’t take off without being shot at. Those arrows are definitely tipped with dragonroot, and Hiccup isn’t going to underestimate the Hunters’ accuracy with so many aimed at him and such a high chance of losing even worse than he already is.

He presses his hand to Toothless’s scales in quiet reassurance. He keeps his eyes on Viggo, only glancing around at the Hunters for emphasis. “You know, I’m flattered that you think you need so many Hunters to capture me, Viggo,” he says sarcastically.

Viggo’s smirk fades. Hiccup’s own mouth tilts a little at his momentary victory. “You’re hard to capture, my dear Hiccup,” Viggo replies, a hint of a frustrated growl to his tone, and then it smooths into a smile as he walks forward. “But you’re not going to escape now. There are two dozen of my men aiming crossbows at you now, more waiting on ships all around this island, and still more in the forest. To add to that,” he looks up, “Krogan’s Flyers are arriving just now.”

Hiccup follows his gaze, biting back a groan when he sees the red and orange colors of the Singetails block out the blue sky. They hover above in a tight circle surrounding the place Hiccup and Toothless stand, and more fly a little lower, in a wider circle.

He looks back down at Viggo, who’s smirking - he’s well and truly trapped. Any day now, Astrid, he thinks in agitation, his hands fidgeting on Toothless’s scales. Toothless is fidgeting in his own way as well, tail flicking in short fits and shifting on his feet, growling and glancing around still.

“Come now, Hiccup. I’m sure you want your dragon to remain conscious and unharmed, don’t you?”

Hiccup stares at him, glancing up at the Flyers hovering above. There’s no other shapes in the dark sky, no one coming for him, and he reluctantly slides off of Toothless’s back after a few long moments, turning and facing Viggo.

Toothless whines between his growls, tail lashing agitatedly, glancing at Hiccup. Hiccup turns to him, putting a hand on his scales. “It’s okay, Toothless,” he says, even as he feels Viggo’s eyes burning into his back. “I’ll be fine. You can’t fight them, either. You have to-“ he swallows, thinking of the advances Viggo has made on Hiccup. Nothing serious, except for… that one time, but- he’s never felt so trapped before. His friends will be outnumbered just by attacking the men surrounding him now; there’s no way they will be able to get him out once he’s on the ships, in the middle of the doubled fleet. Tears prick at the corner of his eyes, mind going to the darkest things that Viggo could do to him, what he has done to him already. He forcefully shoves them down - he’s escaped before, he can escape again. “You have to follow what they say.”

Toothless growls and Hiccup rests his head against his scales. “I know. I know,” he repeats, suddenly finding that deep dark void inside him opening up when he fight against the Hunters seems truly hopeless, when his optimism runs out. It only ever happens on the Edge in his alone time, when he allows himself to think about how long this war has been going on and how sometimes Hiccup fears it will never end, or that the Hunters will win.

He can’t get frustrated now, though, can’t panic or cry or give up. Optimism, always. For now, at least. He will win, he will escape, he’s not going to give up. He has to believe that, and when he’s alone, only when he’s alone, can he think about the scope of the war.

He lifts his head from Toothless and turns around, meeting Viggo’s eyes with defiance flaring in his own despite his capture. Viggo smirks and produces a coil of rope from his belt. “Turn around, my dear,” he purrs.

Hiccup turns around slowly and looks up at the sky. It’s blue sky and clouds and Singetails, and he studies it as Viggo takes Hiccup’s wrists and starts tying rope around them. The clouds break, revealing more blue sky and-

Shapes. Dark shapes, flying towards him, shapes that he would know anywhere.

Hiccup smiles, turning his hands to catch Viggo’s, stopping his progress with the rope as Stormfly’s first blast lands in the middle of the Hunters and screams echo around it. He twists hard, pulling Viggo with him and making him stumble to the side, giving Hiccup precious few seconds to wriggle his hands out of the unfinished knot and draw his sword, igniting it to meet Viggo’s aggressive step forward. Toothless growls behind him, and the ranks of the Hunters and Flyers are scattered by his friends raining fire on them.

Viggo smiles and draws his own sword. “I’ve never had the pleasure of swordfighting with you, my dear Hiccup,” he says. “Let’s see if you’re as good on your own as you are with a dragon.”

Viggo strikes first; Hiccup meets his blade, pushing back and twisting so both swords slide off of the other with no damage done. Hiccup swings with the momentum; Viggo catches the swing easily, using only one hand on his sword.

Hiccup’s jaw tightens. They dance like that for interminable minutes, meeting blow after blow. Both Viggo and Hiccup are calm, controlled, both lethally good swordfighters. Viggo is faster than Hiccup thought he would be, and Hiccup has more stamina than Viggo thought he did. They’re nearly equally matched.

Hiccup lunges for Viggo’s stomach; Viggo blocks, pushing up so Hiccup leans back. Something hisses and crackles nearby, too close, he thinks suddenly, and Hiccup jumps back as a Singetail blast lands right where he’d been standing seconds earlier.

The heat warms his skin, almost burning him. Hiccup exhales shakily, adrenaline shooting through him at how close he’d been to dying. Just a few seconds, a slightly slower movement…

He shoves the thought from his mind as the smoke clears to reveal Viggo in a crouch, clearly affected by the fire by the way he groans a little and pushes himself up. Hiccup is already running at him, a strange flood of hot anger coursing through him, fueling his movements, sword raised to kill as he runs. This man had hurt his friends, had hurt him, had been planning on doing unspeakable things to him. He couldn’t just let him live, a dark voice said, and Hiccup couldn’t find it in himself to stop it.

“Hiccup!”

He barely registers Astrid’s panicked yell before red flashes in front of his vision, followed by the shriek of Toothless’s blast. The Singetail fire and Toothless’s plasma blast collide in front of Hiccup, steps away from Viggo and mere breaths away from himself; red-orange and violet flash in his vision, and then the world is searing white and he’s burning, he’s flying, his ears are ringing and he’s on fire-

The searing white fades from his vision, the ringing subsides just a little to let in the screams and yells and metal clangs of battle. He sees trees, sees green and darting shapes between, he’s still burning. His back hits something hard, and then his head hits something harder, and Hiccup’s world goes entirely dark.

Astrid watches the scene with a sort of horror that makes it go in slow motion. She sees Hiccup leap back from the Singetail blast, sees Viggo yell and fall to the ground, rolling a little away before going into a crouch, and then Hiccup’s up and running at Viggo as the smoke clears, sword raised above his head.

Movement flashes in the corner of her eyes - she looks up, sees a Flyer aiming for Hiccup. The vents on the Singetail’s stomach open up; Astrid and Toothless process it at the same time, both turning from their respective battles to look up at the Flyer.

Astrid screams Hiccup’s name; Toothless whirls and fires a plasma blast to collide with the Singetail’s three fires as they land directly in front of Hiccup. He’s steps away from walking directly into the fire, and as it is, the plasma and fire blasts burst in an explosion of white-hot flame in front of him.

She hears Hiccup scream, sees him go flying suddenly and sees flashes of skin where his armor is burnt through in some places as he tumbles through the air. Viggo is thrown back as well, though he’s a few more steps further away from the blast and he doesn’t get quite as injured.

She couldn’t care less about him, however, and she barely blocks an attack from a Hunter for looking at Hiccup’s predicament. Toothless roars and runs over to him, curling his body to stand over Hiccup and growl at the Hunters that close in on him, surrounding him in a semi-circle against the tree Hiccup hit.

Astrid brutally dispatches the Hunter attacking her and runs to the ones closing in on Toothless with a savage cry, channeling all her anger and frustration into slicing them to pieces. She makes it through in mere minutes, sheathing her axe quickly and picking Hiccup up. Toothless whines in concern and nudges at him, looking up at Astrid.

She scans Hiccup’s body; there are a lot of places where his armor is burnt through, on his arms and his right shoulder, curling around his hip and chest. She holds him carefully with the injuries. “I know, Toothless. We have to get out of here.”

She looks back out at the battle - Stormfly is shooting spines at Hunters advancing on her; Snotlout and Hookfang, the twins and their Zippleback are engaged in a losing battle with the Flyers. Fishlegs and Meatlug are barreling through Hunters on the ground, though Meatlug is getting shot at and she’s doing more evading than actual hitting.

She drapes Hiccup over Toothless’s back and climbs on, sticking her foot against the prosthetic tailfin lever, one hand holding Hiccup against her chest and the other holding onto the saddle. Hiccup had taught her the basic maneuvers for Toothless’s prosthetic tailfin, and she hopes that she practiced enough to get it right. There isn’t room for error here; it could mean her, or worse, Hiccup’s, life.

“Retreat!” she yells. Toothless takes off, flying low and firing at the Hunters shooting at Meatlug so she and Fishlegs can fly away. Astrid whistles for Stormfly, who flies up to her with a squawk, following her and then Toothless’s lead as they blast the other Riders out of their battles.

Finally, they’re all flying in the safety of the cloud cover, Toothless gliding smoothly in front of the other Riders. Astrid calms down from the adrenaline rush, concern taking over, and she decides she’s safe enough to loosen her arm around Hiccup, letting go of the saddle and holding him horizontally draped over it so she can see his injuries properly.

Snotlout and Fishlegs glide up next to Toothless. Fishlegs glances over, making a high, scared noise when he sees Hiccup. Snotlout frowns. “Geez, Astrid, what happened?”

Astrid starts peeling off pieces of his armor and putting it in his saddlebags. The less his clothes chafe against his burns, the better, and she hopes the cold air up high will soothe them at least a little bit. “He got hit by a series of Singetail blasts,” she replies. Snotlout winces.

“How close was he to the fire?”

Astrid sighs as she carefully pulls his shirt off, revealing the extent of the burns. “Nearly walked into it.”

Snotlout whistles in sympathy, and even the twins are quiet behind her. She looks back at them; they look up at her, sadness in their eyes that quickly gives way to anger. “I’m going to kill Viggo,” Ruffnut says darkly.

“And Krogan,” Tuffnut adds. Astrid half expects some inane reason why - can’t forget him, he’s the most evil of them all - that makes a little light of the situation, most likely bound to annoy her, but Tuffnut doesn’t continue. It’s disquieting, scaring Astrid a little, and she looks at Snotlout; he’s watching Hiccup, not making any joke or stupid comment, but instead has his brows lowered in concern and sadness, with a too-tight grip on Hookfang’s horns. She looks at Fishlegs, finding that same dark look in his eyes.

She looks back at Hiccup, at the severe burns littering his skin, and finds that she feels the same way. They’re all devoted to each other, no matter the jokes they make, but Hiccup is oddly something different. He’s their leader, the person they look up to as well as tease and joke with, fearless and creative and imaginative. Seeing him hurt awakens a protective feeling that’s like a raging fire inside of them. Astrid would gladly kill Viggo if it meant getting vengeance on him for hurting Hiccup.

She shoves the feeling and thoughts away and starts cataloguing his injuries, planning for when they get back to the Edge. Most of his burns are on his chest, since it was closest to the blasts, but there’s a few that curl around his body. One large patch covers the lower half of his right side, around his stomach and fading out just before it curves to his back; there’s several patches on his arms, both above and below the elbow, including one on the inside of his wrist and reaching up to the side of his palm. That one’s less severe, though, compared to the others.

Then there’s one on his collarbone, curving slightly around his left breast, and the top disappears over his shoulder. Astrid carefully pulls him up against her without touching his chest to her armor, looking over his shoulder and at his back to see the extent of the burn.

It fades quickly once it starts on his back, barely making it past his neck, but there’s something else beneath it. A small, raised pink scar in the shape of a circle with some kind of design between it, and Astrid adjusts his position until she can see it better.

“Oh my gods,” she breathes. It’s a brand. A Hunter brand, by the raised fist in the center of the circle. And there’s- she makes a mental note to give Viggo a slow, painful death- there’s a small, neat “V” branded beneath it.

She traces her fingers over the brand. It’s healed completely, only raised pink skin by now, and Astrid wonders how long Hiccup’s had this. She wonders when Viggo did it, where they were, how he got Hiccup long enough to do it.

Why Hiccup hid it from them.

She lays Hiccup back down, one hand beneath his back and her fingers lightly tracing the brand. Anger and confusion simmer as they ride back to the Edge, and she stays quiet.

As soon as they get back, Astrid takes Hiccup to Fishlegs’ hut for healing. He’s still unconscious, though Fishlegs thinks he should be waking soon, and Astrid waits, leaving him in the care of Fishlegs with his burn salves and bandages.

Finally, he does stir, groaning and opening his eyes. Astrid looks up from her place sitting on a chair, concern and annoyance battling for dominance. “Hiccup?”

He raises his hand a little. “Yep, I’m here,” he says, and then groans. “Mostly.”

She stands up, walking to the side of his bed. “You got indirectly hit by three Singetail blasts,” she explains as his eyes flick to her. He closes his eyes, face twisting in pain.

“Gods, it stings,” he says, arching a little off of the blankets. She frowns, letting him take her hand and ignoring the pain as he squeezes it in discomfort before letting go and opening his eyes again.

“Fishlegs said you have to stay here and rest. No more attacks, no walking around and moving for a while. At least for today and maybe tomorrow. I don’t know about the rest.”

Hiccup sighs and winces. “Great,” he says sarcastically.

Astrid pauses, hesitating. “Hiccup…” she starts slowly, and sees his gaze flick to her, frowning a little in concern.

“What is it?”

She looks down. “I- well, I was looking at your burns when we were flying and… how long have you had Viggo’s brand?”

Hiccup sighs and turns his head to face the ceiling again. “A couple months,” he says quietly. “He did it when I was captured in that raid near Deathsong Island. I was…” he pauses, and she can see him swallow, “I was going to have Dagur burn it off of me when he next visited.”

Astrid can’t stop the gasp that leaves her, mouth open and eyes wide. “Hiccup! You really want it gone that badly? And you weren’t even going to tell us?!”

Hiccup’s eyes flick to her sharply. “Think of what a brand means, Astrid! If anyone knew, I would be giving up my chiefdom, my inheritance. And- no, I’m not exactly thrilled to become chief, but I’d belong to the Dragon Hunters! I’d belong to Viggo.”

She goes quiet at that, meeting Hiccup’s gaze until he looks away. She slowly takes his hand, holding it until he responds with a light squeeze and turns his head back towards her. “I- I understand. Sorry. I didn’t think of the consequences, just- you didn’t tell us. We would’ve helped, Hiccup.”

Hiccup sighs. “I… I was a little afraid that you all would accept the brand’s meaning and follow it through. It’s pretty deep tradition and law, after all.”

Astrid grins. “Coming from the man whose main skill is breaking traditions and laws.”

Hiccup rolls his eyes, mouth twitching into a smile. “Toothless was entirely an accident. And, if you’ll recall, happened because I was following tradition.”

Astrid squeezes his hand again, shoving down the uneasiness she feels at his decision to get the brand off and continuing. “But really - when Dagur next visits, he can burn the brand off if he agrees. But we’ll be right there beside you, comforting you like we should’ve been in the first place. Alright?”

Hiccup smiles. “Alright. Thank you, Astrid.”

She smirks. “Don’t be so reckless anymore. Try thinking logically for once.”

Hiccup’s mouth opens in mock-offense, glaring at her without any real heat. “Excuse you, I designed an entire prosthetic tailfin for a dragon no one had ever seen before, on my own, hiding from an axe-happy village of Vikings!”

Astrid grins. “Thinking logically and being creative aren’t the same thing, Hiccup,” she shoots back teasingly.

He groans. “You’re a terrible person, insulting a burned man. I’m in pain, you know!”

She shrugs. “You’ll survive,” she says nonchalantly.

Hiccup rolls his eyes. “Says the woman who’s not burned and not being insulted,” he replies petulantly. Astrid pinches him and he yelps, green eyes flicking over to her.

“Now you’re burned, insulted, and pinched, and you’re still alive,” she says, smirking, and laughs when he groans again.

next entry >>

[quirkdotcom]

The Arrangement //

Shoto Todoroki x Fem! Reader

Part One: The Mall Incident

Part Two

Summary: Your father is a particularly strong pro hero, and owns his own agency, however, he seemingly has picked an opportunity for you to be the tie between his agency, and pro hero Endeavor's agency.

Authors Note:

One; I'm planning this to be a three part fic, my next update hopefully on Friday May 15th ! Let me know if you'd like to be on this specific taglist, or even a taglist for anything I post !

Two; I wanted to have a little fun in this, so I added in an OC of mine! I made the reader attend an unnamed school, where her friends wouldn't be main characters from MHA, and decided to throw in Maiko (my OC) anyways, I hope you enjoy !

"A student from UA? Is father okay? I thought he hated that school?" You had to stop yourself, had you really heard your mother right?

She sighed heavily, shaking her head slightly, "He does, however, your father is willing to look past the fact as long as everything goes according to plan" 

This time, it was your turn to sigh.

This 'plan' was one of you meeting some student, your parents meeting, and at the end of the day, agreeing to a marriage after graduation.

You knew that you really had no choice in the matter, which is why you had never put up a fight about it, but it didn't mean that you were particularly happy about it.

Quietly, you stood up, excusing yourself from the table and your mother, leaving the dainty tea cup where it sat.

"Well, since the meeting with this student will be this weekend, I'm going to go out and buy an outfit for it." You bowed your head slightly before turning and leaving the room.

Now out of sight of your mother, you stretched, stifling a yawn as you made your way to your room, grabbing your phone from your pocket, sending a quick message to your closest friend, asking if she'd accompany you to the mall.

The two of you attended a private academy focused on teaching it's students to not only strengthen their quirks, or accelerate their academics, but also in etiquette and manners. Everything was about being proper and elite.

It was the very same school that your father had transferred to after his time at UA.

You personally didn't quite like it there, at times some students tried to pick on you, or the teachers would reprimand you for even the slightest mistake.

But, just like the marriage arrangement, you had no choice in what school you attended, your father was hellbent on you following his steps, and staying the hell away from UA.

Regardless, you had eventually made some friends, and for the first few years, you scored in the top of your class.

"Oh, (Y/n) while you're out, would you mind picking up a few things for me?" Your mother's voice rang out from behind your door, breaking your train of thoughts.

"Just make me a list, and leave it on the counter!" 

It didn't take long for you to change out of your uniform and into something comfier, or for you to grab your messenger style purse, or to find the list from your mother. With your father gone, there were no distractions or unnecessary lectures.

What took the most time was getting to the mall. You could have driven, but it was nice out, the sky was clear of clouds, and there was a light breeze that flowed through the leaves in the trees.

So, you took to walking. Though, when you got to the mall, your best friend was standing with her arms crossed and a bored look on her face.

"(Y/N)! There you are! I've been waiting for hours!" She gave a dramatic sigh as you walked over.

"Calm down Maiko ! " you chuckled, she was almost always over dramatic, something that had drawn you to her in the first place.

She gave you a playful wink, and nodded her head to the doors, starting to walk inside, "Whatever, we both know that I can't calm down," she paused, giving small jazz hands, "I've got constant anxiety" 

"Ah, the curse of having a third eye quirk," You followed behind, then moved to the side of her. 

"Oh! What's the occasion for today's trip?" Maiko tucked a piece of light brown hair behind her ear, eyeing you as she waited for a response.

You hesitated, she still didn't know about the whole arranged marriage, and it had been about a month since you had found out.

"Oh...my family and I are meeting another family for some business thing, so I needed to get a new outfit in case they have a son or daughter our age, " You spouted off a lie, knowing that she'd fall for it, only because she trusted you.

"Ooooh another potential merger for your dad's hero agency?" 

You nodded, pausing as your stomach gave a quiet rumble. 

Despite the lunch you were having with your mother earlier, you didn't really eat. 

"Hey, let's get something to eat first," You point to the nearest food outlet.

Before you know it, Maiko and you are each tossing fries to the other, both failing to catch most in your mouth, but you are having a good time regardless.

Once out of fries, you and her are left with your milkshakes, hers chocolate, and your's strawberry. Something kind of impulsive as you haven't had one strawberry flavored in a few years.

"Hey, I think we could probably take these with us to go look for an outfit," Maiko picks hers up, already a third of it gone.

With a nod, you stand up, grabbing your shake and bag, waiting for Maiko before heading off to your favorite store.

"Hey what about this?" She held up a pleated, light blue skirt, it would stop just above your knees, and complimented you very well, "It even has real pockets!"

"And I could wear it with this shirt...and maybe the jean jacket we found earlier?" You smiled happily, holding up a plain white t-shirt, a small v neck cut, nothing too extreme but not too plain.

Your friend placed the skirt into your basket, and you followed suit with the shirt. All that was needed now, would be to grab the jean jacket from earlier.

However, as you turned, you ran into a...hard surface and along with you, came your half finished milkshake.

You stumbled back, eyes wide as you realized what had just happened.

"Oh my gosh, I am so-"

But the male cut you off, his voice monotone as he did, "Save it, just move out of the way, I need to clean my shirt," 

You quietly moved to the side, watching as the moody stranger walked away, leaving you and Maiko to recover.

He had red hair...well only half of his hair was red, and the other half was white, leaving you to wonder how much hair dye it had taken to get it to look so perfect. 

"Well...I wish I could've helped you see that coming...but uh..I got the jacket?" She smiled sheepishly, causing you to let out a nervous laugh, releasing the tension you didn't know you had.

"Okay, cmon lets go pay!" You turned, still reeling from the encounter with that guy..but hey, at least you wouldn't be seeing him again! 

So, with that thought in mind, Maiko and yourself brought your chosen outfit to the front counters, paid and left the store.

"Hey, are you doing anything tonight?" You turned to Maiko after some five minutes, a thought in the back of your mind, nagging at you since you had left the house to meet her. 

"I don't think so! Why, is your mom cooking tonight? Anything she makes is always better than your dads...or yours," she poked her tongue out at you.

"Wha?! Hey! Im not that bad of a cook!" You pouted and crossed your arms, turning away from her, "Well I did have something to tell you but now its not happening," 

She immediately moved in front of you, "Wait no! Your cooking is good! Just tell me the news!" 

"It'll have to wait for my house, it's kind of big news…"

And with that, the two of you set off for your house, Maiko calling her mom and letting her know where she'd be for the night. 

The walk was spent talking about anything and everything, and at one point Maiko tripping and you having to catch her, but hey, that's what friends are for. 

As you approached your house, you spotted your fathers car in the driveway, causing you to screw your face up in dread. 

Hopefully he didn't have a lecture for you, especially if Maiko was here. You had always hated how he seemed to pick on you whenever your friends were over.

And much to your dismay, when you walked inside he met you with a sour look, "(Y/n), where have you been? Don't forget about this weekend's meeting, not to mention the exams coming up," 

You bit back a response about how the exams were two months away, and instead just nodded your head, busying yourself with slipping your shoes off, "I was buying a new outfit for our meeting. I told mother before I left."

He paused, now eyeing you and Maiko, "And came home with...Fujino was it?" 

She nodded, even though she practically lived at your house for a week at a time due to the amount of sleep overs you had, your father had barely bothered to remember her name. 

"Im sorry for not telling you ahead of time, Sir." She bowed her head slightly, only really apologizing because she knew that if she didn't, it would come down on you. 

"Make your way to (Y/n)'s room, I still need to have a few words with her," he commanded, waiting for her to go up the stairs before he continued.

"And (Y/n), do not forget how important this marriage arrangement is. The Todoroki family is powerful, Endeavor is rising in his ranks as a hero, and his son will follow suit. You have to make sure that you are seen as exemplary, no mistakes can be made. Do you understand?" 

You paused, heart hanging heavy, "Yes father…" 

Once he let you go, you made your way to the top of the stairs, seeing that Maiko was waiting for you, a worried look in her eyes, "So...a marriage proposal?" 

"Welcome to the news I had for you…" 

You two moved into your room, the bag of clothes dropped onto the floor, and you climbed onto your bed, grabbing an orange bunny plush, hugging it to your chest.

"Okay so I wanted to tell you about the arrangement but...I dunno, its hard. I'm having my choice taken away from me and for what? So my father and this other hero to have a more powerful agency?" 

"(Y/n)...im so sorry that you've been going through this alone. I'm here for you, whatever you need!" She moved to a swinging chair you had, sitting in it carefully as she thought for a moment, "So, you've never met this guy or his family?" 

"At most I know his family name. But Im too busy focusing on school work to pay attention to how his father is "So high up the ranks" or whatever. Its like my father thinks that this 'Endeavor' guy is the number two pro hero or something…" You puffed out a breath of air, pursing your lips as you thought quietly. 

Maiko stared at you for a few minutes, blinking a few times as she tried to break the news to you. 

"Uhh..Endeavor...as in Enji Todoroki?" 

You looked up, nodding quietly at her puzzled look. 

"(Y/n) he is the number two hero...or wait..if All Might retired a few years back... then number one actually!" She hummed as she herself started to think but eventually shook her head, eyes widening. 

Maiko quickly pulled out her phone, typing hurriedly into it and gasping, "(Y/n) wait! His son goes to UA! His son is reportedly one of the Big Three of his class!" She stopped, scrolling, "uh oh…" 

At this, you scrambled from your spot to her, pulling the phone from her hand to look at what the cause of this 'uh oh' was. 

It was a picture.  A picture of Endeavour's son. He had red and white hair, and a glare so deadly it probably would kill someone on sight. 

But what got you more was the fact that this was the guy from the mall earlier.  You had totally spilled a strawberry shake all over the number one hero's son, and the guy who you would be marrying after graduation. 

"This is...this is fucked. Im so screwed! Not only did I embarrass myself but now I've probably made it seem like im a clumsy girl who likes to shop all the time and now this...Todoroki guy is going to tell his father about me and then it'll ruin the arrangement and my father will kill me." You spouted off more worries until Maiko grabbed your shoulders, shaking you lightly.

"Hey! We aren't planning your funeral yet! Maybe we can meet up with him before you have to meet with his dad! I think I know one of the students at UA!" 

You looked to her, your breathing returning to normal as you nodded along, maybe that could work after all.

"Okay so, we ask whoever you know to get his number and text him about how it was me who spilled the drink and I wanted to apologize...and that Im also the girl he's meeting this weekend!" 

Maiko punched her fist into the palm of her hand, "Okay, lets set this plan into action! I'll text Kirishima!" 

You eyed her, realizing that you had never questioned how she knew anyone at UA, "While you do that, mind explaining to me about whoever this Kirishima is?" 

She only smiled for a moment, putting her phone down after sending him a message about Todoroki, "Oh! He and I work in the same coffee shop! Not everyone is super rich you know, but he's pretty nice guy, kinda cute too. But, you know how my mom is. Im surprised that she let me be friends with you, I swear, she's scared of anyone!" 

You gave a 'Mhhm' to her, knowing full and well that this was the coworker who she tended to talk about but never named, knowing that you'd probably show up to her work to try and get more information.  But hey, you'd leave it at that for now. 

"Well...I guess that now we wait for Kirishima to hopefully send us Todoroki's number?' 

"Now we wait! And with our good luck, by Wednesday we can smoothen out what happened at the mall…" 

You nodded once, as much as this plan seemed rickety, you were willing to take the chance. While you hated the idea of a marriage to whoever this young hero may be, you know that if you messed it up, your father would never let you live it down. 

[geneticwolf-blog1]

// tag drop!

[fizzyxcustard]

Childhood Home (Guy of Gisborne)

Day 6 of Lyn’s Writing Event (re-posted as I accidentally deleted the original, and Lyn kindly allowed me to re-write this)

Masterlist

Summary: You take an afternoon trip to your old childhood home on the day before your arranged marriage to Sir Guy of Gisborne.

Warnings: Slight sexual references

Comments: I’m going to begin putting my tag list into each piece now. If you would like to be added or removed, please let me know.

You could feel a slight chill on the air and the sun was beginning to set, dipping lower below the trees. Oranges and pinks filled the sky, topped with the odd white, fluffy cloud. A flock of geese flew by, forming a V shape, calling as they went. If only you could have that freedom; to fly, be unchained and go wherever you wished, when you wished. But fate had decided something different for you. 

The old childhood home you had once lived in was now derelict, crumbling in on itself. Looking upon it made you feel both happiness and sadness in your heart. The happiness was remembering your father standing on the doorstep, calling you in from a day in the field. The sadness was knowing that you would never see him again. Pneumonia had taken him from you one winter when you were only eleven years of age. That was when your mother had taken you, their only child, to Nottingham, to live off the rest of your days on your father’s inheritance that he had left behind. Only, the money had run out. Your mother had re-married, and your step father had agreed for you to be wed to Sir Guy of Gisborne, Sheriff Vaisey’s lieutenant, also known as The Man in Black. Townspeople hid at the sight of Gisborne, a handsome but deadly serpent of a man. 

It was a good and lucky match, your mother had told you over and over. Being married to Gisborne meant that you would never have to worry about finances again. He would be a provider for you and any family that would come along as a result of your consummated marriage. Could you really live a life with a man who interrogated and terrorised the folk of Nottingham daily? Would you ever be able to feel any kind of affection for a man who had killed and tortured at the tax man’s command? If only you father were still here...

As you got up onto your horse and looked back behind you at the collapsing building, you took a large inhale. You knew that your father would always be with you, even if physically gone from this world, and he would supply you with the reservoir of strength you needed. Any children you bore would be of your father’s blood. There would still be good within them. That thought gave you just a tiny shred of hope, which was enough. Even the smallest hint of hope can be enough to drive any person through the hardest of times. 

By the time you returned to the outer walls of Nottingham castle, dusk had completely descended upon you. You nodded your head to a guard on the main gate who knew your step father well. 

“Evening,” he garbled over a mouthful of apple. The guard allowed you through the gate and you took the road up towards the west entrance of the castle. 

Your home was on the corner of its street and the stables only a few yards away. You shut your horse away for the night in its paddock and then disappeared into your home for the night. 

You rubbed your hands up your arms, trying to warm yourself with the friction. Then you proceeded to begin lighting a fire. 

“And where have you been?” an eerily familiar voice came. 

The sudden shock sent you falling backwards and you fell on your backside with a thump. “Guy?” you exclaimed loudly. 

Gisborne was sat at your table, his usual smirk plastered on his face. His long legs were outstretched, and his dirty boots were on your table. “It’s a big day for you tomorrow. I had to come and make sure you get a good night’s sleep,” he said. 

Gisborne’s words made you look up at the bridal gown hanging from the door which led into your bed chamber area. “If you continue on scaring the life out of me, it won’t be long until you are a widower,” you spat. 

As you got up, Gisborne circled you. You looked down, trying not to look at him too much. He fascinated you in a strange way and caused you to inhale sharply. He definitely was a handsome man and could probably pleasure any woman well enough, but could you really see through all that evil which had corrupted him? Was there even any good left within him?

His lips lingered at your ear and you shuddered as he whispered. “Sweet dreams, my bride. Allow yourself to fall asleep to the thought of our marital bed, because tonight you will need all the sleep you can get.” 

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[ohwaitimthewriter]

Ner naak (My peace)

Pairing : Din Djarin x earthling!reader

Warning : Is baby Yoda a warning? 

Summarize : Din Djarin meets you, an earthling, with no idea of the existence of an outer space

Words : 1285.

A/n : I really feel this story is going to be long! Sorry for any English mistakes and enjoy your reading!

Masterlist. // Ner naak Masterlist. 

The sun was beginning to ride down into the sky. Twilight was not far away but you were still perched on the wing of the ship, as your mind was focused on the engine's fuse panel. Your leg was swaying gently in the void as you were absorbed by the ship's advanced technology. 

You had spent the rest of the day studying the structure of this fascinating tin can and came to the following conclusion: this scrap metal pile was not much different from an airplane. 

It was reassuring for you, because even if you had never put your hands in an airplane, you had already studied the plans of a certain number and you could already recognize similarities in the layout of the electrical circuits. 

You've seen enough for one day. You had a good idea of the problem and were already thinking about which store or workshop could provide you with some of the parts you needed to repair the aircraft. 

You closed the small hatch that housed the main circuit board, and then a child's laughter caught your attention. You looked down and saw your dog walking around with the child on his back. He proudly trotted under the wing of the ship as the child tried as best he could not to fall. You laughed slightly in front of this improbable scene and stood up, walking on the roof of the ship to join the trapdoor that would bring you back to shore. 

Your hands were covered with soot and grease and you hardly dared to touch the rungs of the ladder. Your dog was waiting for you at the foot of it and as soon as your foot touched the ground, he brushed his body against you, happy to be reunited with his favorite human. 

The little one hadn't left your dog's back, his tiny fingers were wrapped in the long fur and he grabbed onto it hard so he wouldn't fall. 

"A real little cowboy" You joked and the child started laughing. 

You crouch down next to your dog, observing the child. 

"I'd rather not even imagine what they'd do to you if they ever found you..." You thought aloud.  

You were really worried about that little guy. He looked at you with his big eyes, tilting his head to the side as if he was trying to understand you better. He seemed to be looking for something in your eyes and then, as if he had just found it, he reached out his small arm to you with a big smile. 

You could have melted in front of such tenderness and although you suspected that he wanted your arms, you gently waved your filthy fingers in front of his eyes. 

"I can't, my hands are all dirty, look at this! If you ask me, this ship may be super cool, but it deserves a good spring cleaning! » 

The child babbled with amusement and his hand perched again in your dog's fur. This child was precious and when you thought of the human horror that the people of this planet could bring, a wave of determination fell upon you. 

"I'll do my best to get this piece of junk off the ground, but you, sweetheart, I want you to stay with Banjo. "You took a look at your dog who seemed to quickly understand the message. "He will protect you." 

The child listened carefully to you before yawning. Fatigue weighed on his eyes and he snuggled into Banjo's fur, your dog, to fall asleep. 

It didn't take you long to find the man in armor. His head was plunged into the mechanical arm of the ship that served as a landing foot. He heard you coming and looked at you. Before you even said anything to him, he handed you a cloth so you could wipe your hands. 

"Oh, thank you. "You said. 

He didn't answer anything and just watched you clean your hands. 

"I'm not going to lie, there's a lot of work to be done.”

"Is it manageable? "He asked you.

"Yes. Mostly it' s about finding the parts that will be complicated but hey, you just made Star Trek real so from then on, there's nothing impossible in there! "You said. 

Once again, he remained silent. You just saw him tilting his head towards your dog and the sleeping child on his back. You saw a tension settling on the man's shoulders. He was obviously holding back from picking up the child and it was probably the intense look your dog gave to the man that prevented him from making a movement. You were wondering why he was so suspicious of your dog, but you decided it was time to stop torturing him like that. You leaned over to gently hold the child in your arms, doing everything possible not to wake him up before putting the child back in his father's arms. The man relaxed almost instantly and it clicked in your head.

"Tell me, have you ever met a dog before?" 

"I've met stranger things. "

"Well, you should know that dogs are humans' best friends here. They are the only ones who will never fail you." 

"He didn't stop you from following me, though. "He said. 

"That's exactly why I followed you."

You smile at him gently, scratching the head of your dog who had sat next to you. 

The night had completely fallen. The only lights were coming from the ship and you felt the air cooling down. A shiver crept under your jacket and it was no longer warm enough to protect you from the cold of autumn nights. So it was about time you came back home. 

"I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded and as you began to turn back, you suddenly wondered if you were doing the right thing by leaving them alone in the middle of the forest, at the mercy of curious looks. You looked back, the man was coming back into his ship and it was bothering you. You didn't know why, but your instinct told you that leaving without them was not the way to go.

You looked down at your dog who stared at you with curious eyes and you could not bring yourself to do so. 

"Excuse me! "You called him out. 

The man turned to you, waiting for you to talk. 

"You have nowhere to go, have you? "You asked him, walking back. 

"The ship. "He said. 

"You should come to my house. » 

Din was caught off guard. If you could have seen his face, you would have seen him widening his eyes in astonishment. To him, there was no reason to find a dwelling place on this planet. He had checked, he knew there was nothing dangerous, he knew he could stay in his ship without fear of being found by mercenaries or other bounty hunters. He already thought it was honourable enough of you to help him and he found it even more incredible that an Earthwoman would trust him. Because that wasn't what he read about the people of Earth. 

"That's not necessary."

"I won't let a poor Daft Punk imitation refuse my offer. "You argued.

"... Who the hell are Daft Punk?" 

" That is one more reason! "You stated.

And indeed, you left him no choice. You crossed your arms on your chest, staring at him while waiting for him to decide. That, on the other hand, he had read about it, earthling stubbornness. 

He gave in faster than he would have liked. He sighed deeply, going down the ramp to join you. 

"Thank you. "He said. 

Actually, he had hoped you'd ask him to sleep in a real bed. 

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[ao3feed-geralt-jaskier]

by Anonymous

in the second month of the year 20xx, im merely testing the limits of ao3s inaction

Words: 40, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 전지적 독자 시점 - 싱숑 | Omniscient Reader - Sing-Shong, Marvel Cinematic Universe, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS, 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game), Real Person Fiction, Original Work, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed, Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 天官赐福 - 墨香铜臭 | Tiān Guān Cì Fú - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, Naruto, 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Manga), 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Anime), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV), Teen Wolf (TV), Voltron: Legendary Defender, Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Captain America (Movies), One Direction (Band), Star Wars - All Media Types, Doctor Who, Haikyuu!!, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Hetalia: Axis Powers, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime), Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball, Free!, Miraculous Ladybug, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, One Piece, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Hobbit - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV), James Bond (Craig movies), Homestuck, Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Men's Hockey RPF, Glee, Merlin (TV), Once Upon a Time (TV), Hamilton - Miranda, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Final Fantasy, Overwatch (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game), Mass Effect Trilogy, Fire Emblem Series, Dr. STONE (Anime), Dr. STONE (Manga), Death Note (Anime & Manga)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Kim Dokja, Yoo Joonghyuk, Han Sooyoung, Yoo Sangah, Jung Heewon, lee hyungsung, Lee Jihye, Lee Seolhwa, Jang Hayoung, Kim Namwoon, Biyoo, Bihyung, Uriel, Prisoner of the Golden Headband | Sun Wukong, Secretive Plotter (Omniscient Reader)

Relationships: Kim Dokja/Yoo Joonghyuk, Han Sooyoung/Kim Dokja, Han Sooyoung/Kim Dokja/Yoo Joonghyuk, Han Sooyoung/Yoo Sangah, Han Sooyoung/Jung Heewon, Anna Croft/Han Sooyoung, Kim Dokja/Sung Jin-Woo, Kim Dokja/Yoo Sangah, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Additional Tags: im trying to prove a point, There are three ways to survive in a ruined world., now, I have forgotten a few, but one thing is certain., The fact that you who are reading this now will survive., -Three ways to survive in a ruined world, Prologue – There are three ways to survive in a ruined world., Episode 1 – Starting the Paid Service (1), “I’m Dokja.”, (translater note: Dokja can me only son or reader)., I usually introduced myself to people like this, then the following misunderstanding would occur., Chapter 2: Episode 1 – Starting the Paid Service (2), Dokkaebi., The first time he appeared, someone said so., Chapter 3: Episode 1 - Starting the Paid Service (3), People reacted differently after the dokkaebi disappeared., Some people tried to get out of the train while others called the police., Chapter 4: Episode 1 - Starting the Paid Service (4), Laughter emerged., I had to clear my eyes and look again to see if it was a lie., The file extension was TXT., Then this person…, The gift they sent me was a copy of their novel?, Chapter 5: Episode 1 - Starting the Paid Service (5), People panicked as they saw the insects running around the carriage., Chapter 6: Episode 2 – Protagonist (1), The subway stopped around halfway past Dongho Bridge., Chaptr 7: Episode 2 – Protagonist (2), [Sponsor Selection has ended.], Chapter 8: Episode 2 – Protagonist (3), I stared straight into Lee Hyunsung and Han Myungoh’s eyes and said., “Do you want to die from that guy beyond the iron door, or do you want to try your luck outside the train?, Which one will you choose?”, Episode 2 – Protagonist (4), at this moment, Yoo Sangah shouted., “Dokja-ssi! Behind you!”, Episode 2 – Protagonist (5), It would be quite a ludicrous sight if anyone else saw it., A large adult man was being grabbed by the neck and hanging like a monkey., Episode 3 – Contract (1), My body suddenly became heavy as I felt water entering my lungs., Then I was sucked in somewhere., I wasn’t torn apart because I fell with perfect timing., however, I couldn’t lose consciousness here., Episode 3 – Contract (2), Star Stream system., The star stream broadcasting was designed to relay its contents to the entire universe., Episode 3 – Contract (3), Looking at the situation, I got a sense of what happened., Episode 3 – Contract (4), I didn’t know how much time passed., My breathing was often interrupted, and all my muscles were so stiff, that I could barely move them., Episode 4 – Line of Hypocrisy (1), A meteor shower was pouring down in the starry sky., It was a sight that anyone would admire, but not Yoo Joonghyuk., Episode 4 – Line of Hypocrisy (2), I often thought about it., Episode 4 – Line of Hypocrisy (3), Despite the interference of Cheon Inho, the constellations didn’t ask for a bounty scenario., in other words, it wasn’t the best time to deal with him., Episode 4 – Line of Hypocrisy (4), the next morning, I was almost out of supplies., Jung Heewon stared at the convenience store bags, as if she couldn’t believe it., Episode 5 – Shadow Keeper (1), [T-Then I will let everyone take care of it! Yihihihit!], The dokkaebi said these words and disappeared., Episode 5 – Shadow Keeper (2), The party fought well., It was actually a little bit surprising., in particular, Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon, who stepped forward with me were very influential., Episode 5 – Shadow Keeper (3), “Hyung! This…”, Right after Lee Gilyoung discovered the treasure box, I blocked his little mouth., “Shh, wait.”, Episode 5 – Shadow Keeper (4), Maybe we would’ve fought for a long time., [The exclusive skill ‘Bookmark’ can now be activated.], [The number two bookmark has been activated.], [The level of the Bookmark skill is low, shortening the activation time.], [Activation Time: One minute.], Episode 6 – Judgment Time (1), The limited random items box., According to the setting of Ways of Survival, this was a coin item that was sold as a limited edition in a past ‘scenario.’, Episode 6 – Judgment Time (2), Just as I was about to open my mouth, I heard Cheon Inho’s voice., “Oh, Dokja-ssi! You came just in time.”, Episode 6 – Judgment Time (3), The following morning, there were a few changes to Gumho Station., first of all, Han Myungoh had disappeared., Episode 6 – Judgment Time (4), A few minutes later, I once again entered Dongdae Station, and ate a ground rat., It was in order to heal, the skin contaminated by the poisonous fog., Episode 7 – Landlord (1), We followed Lee Jihye and entered Chungmuro., Yoo Sangah saw the shattered screen door of the platform and said., “…It is a chaotic atmosphere.”, Episode 7 – Landlord (2), The 10 Evils., The list and rankings were often changed, according to Yoo Joonghyuk’s regression cycle, but they were the 10 people in charge of being the main villains, in this world of Ways of Survival, Episode 7 – Landlord (3), Yoo Joonghyuk was looking at everyone except for Lee Hyunsung., The three remaining people were standing together, and I couldn’t figure out exactly who Yoo Joonghyuk was looking at, 「…How is this possible? 」, Episode 7 – Landlord (4), After the dokkaebi disappeared ×dozens of casualties appeared on the platform of line 3., Episode 7 – Landlord (5), As I watched the surging wave of monsters, I gave strength to my thighs., The level 15 strength condensed at once, and my feet developed a strong propulsion force., Episode 8 – Emergency Defense (1), 「 Lee Hyunsung was dozing like an officer on duty, 」 - Freeform, Episode 8 – Emergency Defense (2), It was finally the promised time., I gathered on the line 3 platform with the party., Every member was checking their weapons., Lee Hyunsung seemed to have handled it properly., Episode 8 – Emergency Defense (3), I couldn’t kill Gong Pildu because he was useful in future scenarios, but I needed Gong Pildu to leave his land., Episode 8 – Emergency Defense (4), One hour after the battle began, Gong Pildu fought and fought., The number of monsters had barely decreased but it was still great., Gong Pildu was considered to have the strongest defense among the 10 Evils for a reason., Episode 9 – Omniscient Sunfish (1), After a while, we moved towards the entrance, of the ‘hidden dungeon’ on the first underground floor., I walked behind Lee Jihye, Lee Gilyoung and Jung Heewon while looking at my smartphone., Episode 9 – Omniscient Sunfish (2), The moment the yellow eyes looked at us, a deafening roar echoed in our ears., Episode 9 – Omniscient Sunfish (3), [The constellation Secretive Plotter is curious about your scam.], [The constellations have sponsored you 200 coins.], Episode 9 – Omniscient Sunfish (4), unfortunately, Yoo Joonghyuk wasn’t on the sixth floor., Episode 9 – Omniscient Sunfish (5), The cold sensation numbed my fingers., dammit, I really wanted to beat this guy up., but..., There was something strange., Episode 9 – Omniscient Sunfish (6), “What?”, 「 What are you…? 」, Episode 10 – Future War (1), [Main Scenario #3 – Emergency Defense has ended.], [You have obtained 1, 000 coins as compensation.], Episode 10 – Future War (2), As soon as my hand wrapped around the flag, I felt a strong energy rising in my body., originally, this was something the third turn Yoo Jonghyuk should have but…, it didn’t matter., Episode 10 – Future War (3), …It hadn’t been long since the scenario began and already?, Episode 10 – Future War (4), “Push through to the flag holder!”, Episode 10 – Future War (5), After coming down from the theater, I headed straight to Myeongdong Station with Lee Hyunsung and Yoo Sangah., Dongmyo Station was important but there was something to be done first., Episode 10 – Future War (6), It wasn’t an illusion., The guy’s eyes instantly widened when he heard my name., Episode 10 – Future War (7), the internet - Freeform, it wasn’t possible., Episode 11 – Night of the Prophets (4), “The 9th person to get off.., it is the first time I’ve heard of this attribute.”, Episode 11 – Night of the Prophets (2), “A prophet like us?”

[infinites-chaser]

dark night fireworks | mlqc | lucien/mc | dreams and memory

spoilers for ch.13 and somewhat inspired by ch.16

warning for drinking and vague + non-explicit sexual content

“Lucien,” you whisper, as if speaking his name aloud will somehow make it real.

It doesn’t matter, you tell yourself. The only thing that matters is this moment. This moment a million times over. And what’s a moment in a dream if you make yourself believe it’s true?

‘oh, love, even if I wake up and it all disappears and becomes a mess

oh, love, I’ll wait for this night again’

xii.

Once, when you were young, you caught a butterfly, trapping its delicate wings between your hands. Most of your childhood memories have faded to sepia and tones of grey, but this you remember in vivid color. It comes to you now in fragments, like a painting ripped to shreds: The butterfly's wings, bright yellow blurs that tickle your palms. Your father's horror. The warm wind, his panicked scolding, and the wide blue sky.

You remember him telling you that trapped things, once let go, are never the same after. He told you catching the butterfly crushed its wings, and it would never fly straight again. You cried, you think, as you often did, and opened your hands.

You can't remember the rest. Did the butterfly emerge from your finger prison, its cocoon? Did it fly away? Did it fly straight and true?

Memory is reconstructive. If you reach for the pieces enough times, your mind will build its own answer.

But, now, the truth: the butterfly was already dead. It had been dead since you first snatched it from where it danced in the golden spring sky.

When you laid your palms flat, the butterfly's bright wings had stirred once and then fell still. You cried. To this day, you're still not sure why you don't remember this, your Schrodinger's butterfly. In your hands, it had become a lesson from your father, something with the possibility of being not quite dead. In your memory, it becomes immortal, that butterfly you remember entrapping but can never vividly picture flying free.

i.

The bar is not pink, as its name, The Peony Pavilion, might suggest. Its walls are a deep purple that fades upward to dark blue, then a black which stretches across the ceiling, uninterrupted save by tiny pinpricks of light. The floor, by contrast, is a softly glowing grey, carpeted and plush, muffling even the heaviest of footfalls of more intoxicated customers or louder, untrained personnel.

It is crowded normally, seats filled with patrons, troubled dreamers, and drunks. On busy nights, a spiraling chandelier will descend from the endless ceiling, shimmering with the colors of sunset: yellow, pink, and white. The air will still-- the frequent visitors know what’s coming, they tell their newer compatriots to be quiet, to wait.

A woman will unfold herself from a crouched position in the half-light, hair like unbound midnight, her dress a pure sparkling white. On cue, the patrons will clap and cheer, but she will gaze past them all, her eyes worlds away, caught up in a vision only she can see. She'll sweep a bow. They'll all fall silent.

The clock will strike twelve, and the lights of the chandelier will dim to a shade of purple, a twilight hue a few hours softer than the color of the walls.

The woman will open her mouth and begin to sing.

But not tonight.

Tonight, the bar’s doors are closed. Only the bartender stands behind the counter. All seats sit empty, save two.

xi.

He catches your attention from across the bar. (It’s easy. You’re the only two inside.)

One stolen glance and you're lost in his eyes again, like a moth to a dark flame. You're reminded, briefly, of the sleepless nights you once spent following him through the city, a lonely journey down moonlit alleys, into the cinema, into bars. They're nights from a time you know you can't return to, a time you, even after everything, still hold dear.

You read about the primacy effect one time in a psychology textbook, following along for a few pages over his shoulder before you stifled a yawn. He’d marked the page and closed the book, and turned to caress the top of your head with a gentle smile.

The study those pages had described surfaces in your mind now, as he raises his glass and drinks, dark eyes never leaving yours. The scientists had split their participants into two groups, and given them the same list of traits in different orders, one presenting a fictional man with his flaws first and strengths last, the other, the reverse. They'd then asked each group for their impression of the man.

Despite being given the exact same listed traits, they had opposite responses. The first, remembering most clearly his flaws, thought him a terrible person. The second saw him simply as human, and sympathized with those natural flaws.

At the time, you hadn't understood it. You couldn't think of how it related, out of the study and academia, back to everyday life. Of course now, you do. You're in his experiment. (You're in the second group, presented strengths first, flaws last.)

You can't help but continue to stare, your traitorous heart twisting with endlessly conflicting feelings at the sight of slim fingers you still remember holding, and the elegant panes of his face that you’ll never forget.

ii.

He'd explained primacy again, after you'd watched Memento, a movie he'd called one of his favorites. You don't know anymore if that was true. You don't think you know a single true thing about him. But still, you remember it. His words. The movie. The Polaroid. Don’t believe his lies.

The movie starts centered around the main character, and it’s intensely subjective, he’d said. We see him and his world through his eyes. We learn the details of the plot along with him, even as he forgets, and by the time the movie tells us he’s not as good of a person as we’d like to remember and we finally step out of his head and question his character, it’s too late. We're back at the start. A beginning at the end, an ending at the beginning.

The movie’s a bit like those classic math puzzles, he had said, and had chuckled at your groan. We begin with two trains going in opposite directions towards each other: one from the past, in black-and-white, going forward, one, in color, from the present going back, and they meet somewhere in the grey in between, at the start of the movie. Only, we’re introduced to his positive perception of his present self first.

So we call the movie’s arguable villain hero, up until the movie’s end. Just as you would like to think of him not as Ares, as a villain, up until this dream ends.

xi.

You know you’re dreaming when you blink, and he’s gone from the shadowy corner only to reappear right next to you, your name on his lips with a smile.

“Lucien,” you whisper, as if speaking his name aloud will somehow make the moment real. As if a dream could ever become reality.

It doesn’t matter, you tell yourself. The only thing that matters is this moment. This moment a million times over. And what’s a moment in a dream if you make yourself believe it’s true?

He raises his glass to your lips, a silent invitation.

You meet those dark eyes. You drink.

(A different movie, but. You fall. He's your totem, your ever-spinning top. You wait for the kick.)

iii.

The world shifts and swirls around you. Only he stays steady, awash in a sea of sunset colors and midnight starry lights. You take his hand, your anchor, and he lets you.

Your dress is a soft purple now. Now, you say, since you think it used to be pink, and before that, white. (If the bartender would speak, she'd tell you it looks like the chandelier: dripping in crystals, iridescent, reminiscent of the fading day, the coming night.)

x.

There's an invisible glass wall between you and him. (You don't remember Ares. You don't remember why.)

You press up against it, and it shatters.

iv.

He calls your name, and you surface, dizzy, from your daze.

"Why did you come here?" He asks. His hand's hovering, almost reaching, on the verge of taking your glass away or perhaps tucking an escaped strand of hair behind your ear.

"Why do I do things? Why does anyone do anything?"

You're definitely a little drunk.

"What I do isn't meaningless just because there are things I don't remember," you say, and what you mean is things you've made me forget.

"The world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it?"

"Memento," he notes with that same gentle, enigmatic smile. "Touché."

Then, musing, quieter:

"So, you remember that night."

"I remember everything."

(You both know that's a lie.)

ix.

(a tangent.)

Once, you asked, waking from the middle of a nightmare to a starless night:

"Daddy, why do I forget so many things?"

Your father held you close without a word. (You weren't expecting an answer.)

Now, you think it suits you, being a girl cut loose in time.

v.

Your head hurts.

You'd ask the bartender for a glass of ice water, but the silent, white-clad woman's gone. In her places stands a gleaming door. Behind the door lies silver stairs.

Your temples throb again, and you think, fresh air. He takes your hand, and you let him. You pass through the doorway together.

viii.

(another tangent.)

A question without a proper answer: what does it mean to forget?

You searched it on the internet for Miracle Finder, found Wikipedia pages on the different types of memory and how your brain wires them all. Each article was long, convoluted, and a little pretentious.

(You gave up.)

Spoiler alert: neuroscientists still don't know.

You asked Lucien. He doesn't, either.

(The beginning of the hypothesis of an answer, buried in words about synapse strengthening and weakening: forgetting is just another word for loss.)

A better question, but one you'll never get a proper answer for: when your memory of someone is erased with Evol, which part of the brain is it affecting? What neural connections are lost, overwritten by the unnatural?

After all, Evol goes beyond the explainable, but it'd be wrong to say it doesn't affect those circuits at all.

A quick lesson that Lucien will never teach you: memory loss isn't like what you see in the movies.

There's many types of memory. You already know the first two: short-term and long-term. The temporary. The eroding. (outside these two-- the already lost)

(Memento's different. In it, he's lost the ability to make new long-term memories. Not quite memory loss. More like he can't feel time.)

Within the eroding are two subtypes: explicit, and implicit, or conscious and unconscious.

First, within explicit:

Semantic memory, our memory of general facts. It's how we familiarize ourselves with the world. (The sky is blue. Grass is green. The city the company headquarters are in is Loveland City.) A knock on the head to important bits involved here, and you won't remember the name of the president or how many cents add up to a dollar, but you'll still remember your childhood.

Episodic memory, the memory of our personal experiences. Many people argue this is the memory that makes you you. Say the amnesia-inducing Evol removes this. You forget an important event (a dream, a nightmare where he was Ares and you still called on him for protection, and he came, he saved you).

There, you say. Question answered. Problem solved.

But wait. The lesson's not over yet. There's still implicit. The unconscious part of your memory. (Freud's favorite.)

Implicit memory contains multitudes. (We'll just focus on a few.)

The important bits: implicit memory stores the memories necessary to learn. Procedural memory covers skills.

Then there's association, and key to association are your emotions. (You'll remember things that make you happy, make you angry, make you sad. You just won't remember why.)

Lastly, priming, also known as pattern completion. (If a puzzle was put in front of you, you'd be able to solve it, if you had before.)

Long story short, memory loss by Evol, if scientific, doesn't wipe them all out. Let's say it just wipes episodic. No more memory of the event. No more memory of the event itself. Let's say the emotions remain. Let's say you're still primed. But we digress.

(Lesson over.)

vi.

You race up the stairs, past pipes, through smoke, and burst onto the roof, giddy, flushed, his hand in yours the whole way. In the night air, your dress shimmers and darkens to a midnight blue, just a touch shy of the black of the silk of his suit.

The roof is wide open and empty, save for a delicate floating canopy of fairy lights. Beyond the rosy glow, vivid colors of fireworks shatter bright against the velvet curtain of night.

He pauses at the sight of the fireworks, the city far below, and you stagger back against him, one hand raised to the sky, laughing, drunk. Neither of you notice when the silver stairway disappears.

You loop your arms around his neck and stare up into his eyes. At first, the light doesn’t reflect off of them and you almost freeze, but he clasps a hand to the small of your back and draws you closer. When you blink up at him again, the dark of his gaze is warmed by the shine of the veil of lights.

“Where are the stars?”

“Shall I go and fetch them for you?”

Before you can respond, he leans in and catches the swell of your lips between his, dark eyes closed.

The first kiss is gentle and teasing, like his words. The second kiss is yours when he pulls back for air and you follow him. The third devours you.

His hands move in opposite directions; one floating up to cup your cheek and draw you in further with a caress, the other creeping down your back, leaving a trail of fire, aroused nerves, in its wake. It settles on the back of one of your thighs, and grips rough, possessive, hard and--

you gasp a single word between stolen breaths,

Lucien.

His name burns stronger than any alcohol on your lips, on his, it consumes you both, and you're glad of it, you're content to go up in flames. Your hands move to match his, to mark him as your own. You think this is perhaps what fireworks feel like, the moment before the end.

(You explode. It's not as pretty as a fireworks display.)

You arch your back against him and you suddenly remember the butterfly, those vivid splinters from your childhood so small they could hardly be called memories. You are not certain of much anymore but you are certain of this: You are his Schrodinger's butterfly, dancing futilely, dead in the palms of his hands.

He pulls away, panting, and you want to, but this time you do not follow. You don't move at all. Trapped things, you hear your father say, voice shaking, the butterfly long gone, once let go, are never the same after.

Your mind doesn't remember, but something in your heart does: this has happened before. He's altered your memory so many times, but you still can't remember to forget him.

(Emotional memory, and now. Priming. Some part of you sees the same pattern fall into place.)

His hand, cold against your flushed cheek moves to cover your eyes, and you know: you won't remember the ending of this, either. You don't try to stop him.

"Go back to sleep. Forget this nightmare."

His voice comes, silky smooth and soft. Sad, you want to think, though you know it can't be.

"What if I wake up, and this isn’t a dream? What if that's the nightmare?"

"Then find your way back here. I'll be waiting."

You close your eyes under his cool fingers, and wake to warm sheets.

In your dream, he's still smiling. You're sure of it.

xx.

You're waiting for someone. Someone's waiting for you. (You aren't sure which it is. You aren't sure who.)

The butterfly's wings flutter in your small child hands, light yellow heartbeats tickling your fingers. The sky is grey. A chill wind blows. Your father is silent, frozen and smiling. Gone.

You remember (or at least you tell yourself you do):

When you opened your palms, the butterfly flew straight. It flew true.