#█ ▊ ▸ ◌ ⌞ but i have promises to keep. ⌝ ❪  about/musings. ❫
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joyfulcowboycandy · 3 days ago
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My muse
Malleus Draconia x Reader
❥ one shot
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Content warning: ...it's fluffy. Maybe that there are no established relationships? Oh, Y/n has social anxiety here and is an artist. Y/n takes yuu's place and no grim! :( he was turned into cat stew
Note: This is 4.1k words. Brace yourself ......Gosh I love Malleus, I have so many ideas for him........ I love good girl x bad boy typa dynamics I'm sooo not used to posting my ideas it's nervewrecking to share something so personal to me. I'm glad people seem to like them still!
fem reader
The sprawling stone arches of Night Raven College towered overhead as Y/n looked around, her heart a chaotic blend of excitement and unease. She was surrounded by bustling students, each one glancing her way with varying degrees of curiosity and indifference, but all carrying an air of mystique and confidence. She swallowed, her fingers fiddling with the hem of her shirt as she tried to keep herself from looking too out of place, which was easier said than done. She felt like a fish out of water—a lost, magicless girl in a sea of powerful beings, standing out not because she wanted to, but because she had no choice.
The courtyard buzzed with conversation, but every once in a while, a murmur seemed directed her way, and she could catch bits and pieces of whispered phrases.
“Is she the magicless one?”
“She doesn’t look like she belongs here…”
“Oh, she looks nervous.”
Her cheeks warmed at the attention, and she felt an urge to shrink into herself, maybe find a corner where she could hide until everything settled down. But she took a steadying breath instead. She had to be brave—she’d promised herself that she’d make this strange place work, somehow. After all, this was a second chance, an escape from a life she’d rather leave behind. If she was going to find herself anywhere, it might as well be here, in this strange, enchanted school. Even if it meant being the “magicless” one.
Lost in thought, Y/n barely noticed the approaching figures until one leaned in close, a familiar pair of mismatched eyes gleaming with amusement.
“Hey, little guppy,” Floyd drawled, his grin wide and sharp. He poked her lightly, his finger pressing right into her shoulder, making her stumble back a step in surprise. “Aren’t you jumpy? You look like you’re about to pass out!”
She let out a shaky laugh, cheeks flushed. “N-No, I’m fine! Just… adjusting.”
“Awww, look at that.” Jade, Floyd’s twin, sidled up on her other side, his voice smooth but carrying that same teasing edge. “It’s always refreshing to have someone with such… natural reactions. Isn’t that right, Floyd?”
Floyd snickered, leaning closer until she had to tilt her head up just to look at him. “It’s hilarious,” he said, his grin widening as he seemed to take in every flustered detail of her expression. “What, did no one ever tease you back home?”
Y/n’s gaze darted down, a nervous laugh slipping out. “W-Well, no… not really,” she admitted softly, her voice barely louder than a whisper.
“Well, that’s a pity.” Jade’s eyes glimmered with intrigue. “We’ll just have to make up for all that lost time.”
They laughed, and though she couldn’t help the heat spreading across her cheeks, she managed to laugh along, even if a little nervously.
As the twins wandered off, leaving her to catch her breath, she exhaled, trying to release the nervous energy buzzing through her. She caught herself fidgeting again, trying to brush off the lingering embarrassment. Her shyness had always been a part of her, something she hadn’t been able to shake, even here. It was hard enough to make friends back home; she could only imagine how much harder it would be in a school full of people who seemed so confident, so... powerful.
But beneath her anxious thoughts, there was something else—an excitement, faint but real. A tiny spark of curiosity to explore, to learn everything she could about this world and the people in it. Here, she was no longer tied to the past, to the hurt and broken pieces she’d left behind. Here, she could be whoever she wanted. She could start again.
Even if it took her a thousand blushes, a hundred nervous laughs, and countless teasing encounters.
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡🪐༘⋆
Living at Night Raven College and dealing with anxiety was difficult on its own. Y/N was the only female in the entire school, a fact known to everyone. Although the boys were decent enough not to be creepy or weird, they often teased her. She was always falling asleep in class or arriving late, which frequently earned her lectures from the teachers. This made her an easy target for teasing, though the boys never meant any harm (she hoped). She just wanted to stay on their good side. She wasn’t able to make any actual friends; her social anxiety always got in the way, and while she wasn't exactly avoided, she didn’t have anyone to confide in or talk to. She never blamed the boys, understanding that her anxiety made social interactions challenging.
Art was her only way to express herself, a cherished hobby since childhood. When she drew, she didn't need to worry about stumbling over her words or fiddling with her shirt to distract from her racing heart. It was also the only thing she had from her life back on Earth. She arrived in Twisted Wonderland with nothing but her own body and knowledge—not even the clothes on her were from home. She felt completely empty, making her art even more comforting.
Unfortunately, her inspiration always struck at night. She never understood why, but she did her best work during those hours. This habit interfered with her schoolwork and potential friendships, contributing to her clumsiness and constant drowsiness in class. She didn’t get enough sleep, being too busy illustrating the random things that caught her eye around the empty campus or the garden outside the Ramshackle dorm.
One night, she was by the old fountain, peering into the dirty water and watching her squirming reflection. The garden was beautiful, with slightly overgrown grass and numerous bushes and flowers she loved to draw. It was also peaceful, offering a gorgeous view of the moon high in the dark sky. Twisted Wonderland wasn’t much different from Earth, aside from the glaring difference of magic and slightly outdated technology. She was happy they at least had art supplies and canvases, which she was allowed to borrow. No one else seemed interested in drawing, so the supplies had been rotting in the storage room. When she asked to use them, Crowley was overjoyed that someone would finally make use of them.
Sitting in peace, enjoying the silence and the slight rustle of leaves, she sketched an owl glaring down at her from a tree a few feet away. She stayed silent, limiting her movements to avoid scaring it.
However, the sound of approaching footsteps startled the owl, causing it to fly away. Y/N gasped in disappointment, standing up from her seat as she watched the owl disappear into the little forest. It was then she noticed the presence that had joined her in the quiet garden. Tightening her grip on her pen and notebook, she reluctantly turned to face the intruder, her eyes widening in surprise upon seeing Malleus Draconia.
Malleus stood silently, his eyes analyzing her with intrigue. Despite his fearsome reputation and the rumors that surrounded him, Y/N felt something akin to adoration. Under the moonlight, his horns, long hair, and calm, calculating eyes made him appear otherworldly. An urge to draw him struck her.
Without thinking, she blurted out, “Can I draw you?”
Malleus’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, a subtle reaction that she noticed. The corners of his lips curled into an amused smile, and he tilted his head slightly. The sight made Y/N's heart leap in her chest. She realized how strange her request was, especially as the first thing she had ever said to him. She felt embarrassed and stupid for being so weird, but she couldn’t deny how striking he looked under the moonlight. If he agreed to her request, she would be overjoyed.
Malleus studied her for a moment, his expression thoughtful. “Very well,” he finally said, his voice smooth and resonant. “You may draw me.”
Y/N’s eyes lit up with joy. “Thank you!” she exclaimed, her shyness momentarily forgotten in her excitement. She quickly found a comfortable spot to sit and began sketching, her eyes darting between Malleus and her sketchbook.
As she worked, Malleus watched her with a curious glint in his eyes. “Why do you wish to draw me?” he asked, breaking the silence.
Y/N paused, considering her words carefully. “Umm… you looked really pretty under the moonlight,” she said softly, her cheeks flushing. “I’ve never seen horns like yours before, or eyes such a vibrant neon green. They’re really pretty.”
Malleus’s smile widened slightly, an almost imperceptible shift. “Is that so?” he murmured, amusement lacing his tone. “You find my appearance... pretty?”
Y/N nodded, her focus returning to her sketch. “Yes! I do,” she admitted.
They continued in comfortable silence, the only sounds being the soft rustle of leaves and the scratch of her pencil on paper. Y/N’s initial nerves faded as she immersed herself in her art. When she finished, she held up the sketch for Malleus to see.
Malleus studied the drawing, his expression unreadable. “You have captured more than just my appearance,” he said quietly. “How curious.”
Y/N smiled shyly. “I’m happy you think so.”
Malleus continued to observe the sketch, his expression contemplative. “Do you come here every night?” he asked, his gaze shifting from the drawing to her eyes.
Y/N nodded, her previous excitement fading into shyness now that the high from drawing had worn off. “I do,” she replied softly. “I get inspiration here, and it’s comforting.” She fidgeted with the corner of her sketchbook, her voice growing quieter. “I like drawing here at night.”
Malleus tilted his head slightly, intrigued. “You prefer solitude?”
“Sometimes…” she admitted, her eyes dropping to the ground. “It’s peaceful. And… I guess it’s easier than trying to talk to people. Drawing doesn’t judge me or expect me to say the right things.” She gave a small, self-deprecating laugh. “I’m not very good at that.”
Malleus studied her for a moment, the moonlight casting a soft glow over his features. “I see. You find solace in your art,” he said, more as a statement than a question.
Y/N nodded again, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Yes. I-It’s the one thing I can always count on.”
A thoughtful silence settled between them. Malleus seemed to understand her in a way she hadn’t expected. Despite his imposing presence and the intimidating rumors that surrounded him, she felt a surprising sense of ease in his company.
“You may continue to draw here,” Malleus said finally, his tone gentle yet authoritative. “And should you desire company, you have but to call for me.”
Y/N’s heart fluttered at his words. “Thank you!”
As Malleus began to walk away, Y/N's curiosity got the better of her. "Wait," she called out, making him pause and turn back to face her. "Um- can I ask you something?"
He regarded her with a raised eyebrow, a hint of amusement still in his eyes. "You may."
Taking a deep breath, Y/N asked, "Are you really a prince? And a dragon!?"
Malleus nodded, a faint smile playing on his lips. "Yes, I am. Prince of the Briar Valley and a descendant of the dragon fae."
Her eyes widened in amazement. "That’s so cool! Everyone always says you're super strong, but we're not in the same year, so I’ve never seen it myself. Can you… show me?"
Malleus considered her request for a moment, then extended his hand. A green, magical aura surrounded him, and suddenly, ethereal, dragon-like wings appeared on his back, glowing in the moonlight. He didn't transform fully but gave her a glimpse of his power and heritage.
Y/N gasped in awe, her eyes sparkling with admiration. "Wow," she breathed. "That’s amazing! You’re so cool."
Malleus retracted his wings, the aura fading as he resumed his usual form. "I am pleased that you think so," he said, his tone carrying a hint of pride.
Her mind still reeling from what she had witnessed, Y/N asked, "Can I draw you again another time? I mean, like this?"
He seemed to ponder her request, his gaze thoughtful. "Very well," he said finally. "You may. It is an honor to be your muse," he said, a teasing smile finding its way to his lips. "Perhaps we shall meet again tomorrow night?"
Y/N’s felt her face flush at his words. “M-my muse? And, yes! Okay!”
With a final, lingering glance, Malleus turned and disappeared into the early morning mist, and she returned to her dorm, with only a few hours left till school would start.
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡🪐༘⋆
Since their initial meeting, Y/N’s encounters with Malleus grew in frequency, with each night solidifying their connection. Malleus had essentially become her muse, and she would show up with her art supplies, sketching and drawing him in numerous ways. He indulged her artistic passion, finding himself curious about her life while also sharing his own interests, particularly his fascination with gargoyles. She soon learned that his interest was so profound that he had created his own club dedicated to studying them, a fact she found incredibly cool.
Malleus, in turn, was intrigued by Y/N’s attraction to the very qualities that others found intimidating or unapproachable about him. Her genuine curiosity and admiration for aspects of his personality that were often deemed dark or formidable caught him off guard. He began to test her, asking questions designed to make her uncomfortable or to challenge her perception of him. Yet, to his surprise, she never faltered. Her view of him remained unchanged, always seeing the good in him.
It was a quality Malleus found both unusual and deeply attractive, especially in a place like Night Raven College, where cynicism and mistrust were more common than kindness and acceptance.
It seemed like just any other night when they met up in the overgrown garden, surrounded by flowers, bushes, overgrown grass, and the occasional firefly or grasshopper that graced them with its presence. Y/N, with her sketchbook in hand, was prepared to capture Malleus’s likeness once again. 
However, her curiosity had gotten the better of her tonight. She had grown so used to his company that she had momentarily forgotten his title as a literal prince.
Her eyes kept darting to his horns, the dark, curved structures that were as much a part of him as his regal demeanor. She couldn’t hold in her adoration any longer. Gathering her courage, she finally blurted out, “Malleus, can I… can I touch your horns?”
The words tumbled out before she could stop herself, and she instantly regretted it. Her face flushed, and she began stammering nervously, waving her hands in a frantic attempt to apologize. “I’m sorry! That was so rude of me. I shouldn’t have—”
Malleus, watching her with his characteristic calm, marveled at her audacity. It was rare a person who would even dare ask him such a thing, and yet here she was, this small, magicless human, filled with curiosity and adoration, doing just that.
He found her ignorance and boldness endearing. With a soft chuckle, he said, “It’s quite alright. You may.”
She stared at him in shock for a moment before he bent down on one knee and lowered his head slightly, giving her better access to his horns. Her hands trembled as she raised them, hesitating briefly before she gently touched one of his horns. It was smooth and cool to the touch, and she couldn’t help but let her fingers wander, tracing the intricate curves and shapes.
As she ran her fingers along his horns, her hands gradually moved into his hair, entangling in the soft, well-kept strands. This was clearly not what they had agreed upon, but she couldn’t help herself. His hair was unexpectedly soft and comforting, and she found herself running her fingers through it, almost forgetting where she was.
Malleus, to her immense surprise, allowed her this intimacy. He typically disliked when people were too casual with him, but with her, it felt different. Her touch was gentle and filled with genuine curiosity, and it felt surprisingly nice.
When she finally pulled her hands away, her face was a deep shade of red. “I’m so sorry, Malleus. I didn’t mean to…”
He leaned closer to her, his eyes glinting with amusement. “May I touch your hair, in return?”
She froze in surprise, not expecting his request. Before she could respond, he reached out and ruffled her hair gently, a slight mockery of her earlier actions. The touch was surprisingly tender, and it made her heart skip a beat.
“You have lovely hair,” he said, his voice soft but teasing.
She blinked up at him, still flustered but now smiling shyly. “Oh…. thank you…,” she managed to say, her voice barely above a whisper.
Malleus straightened up, his eyes still fixed on her. “You continue to surprise me, Y/N.”
Her heart fluttered at his words. “Is that a good thing?”
“Very much so,” he replied with a small smile.
“Um, I made a new drawing of you, but… I forgot to bring it with me.” Y/N’s voice trembled, her heart thumping with anxiety. “Can I… bring it to your dorm tomorrow? I want you to have it…”
It was a big step—after all, she and Malleus had only ever met in the garden at night. By day, they moved in different circles, and he was two grades above her, making their lives all the more separate. Their nighttime meetings had always been their own little world, a space where she’d sketch him and he’d indulge her, sharing stories of Briar Valley or answering her curious questions. But the idea of entering his territory, his life outside their usual routine, felt nerve-wracking.
She braced herself, half-expecting him to refuse. Their friendship, if she could even call it that, had never been formally established. He was her quiet, mysterious muse, and she was the strange, sleepy artist who drew him in shadows and starlight. Despite herself, though, she hoped he didn’t see her as just a source of amusement. She cherished their time together, and the thought of being nothing more than a curiosity to him made her stomach twist.
Malleus, however, seemed blissfully unaware of her concerns. He regarded her with his usual calm, interpreting her nervousness as another shy moment—something she was known for, after all.
“Very well, then. Seek me out after your classes in Diasomnia,” he agreed with a nod.
Y/N’s face lit up, her relief breaking into a bright smile as she nodded eagerly. “Okay! I will.”
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡🪐༘⋆
That night, after they parted ways, she returned to her dorm, her mind buzzing with thoughts of him. She often wondered how he managed to look so well-rested while she dragged herself through the day half-awake. Somehow, despite their nightly rendezvous, he attended all his classes, excelling in every subject. It was something she’d definitely ask about later, though for now, her focus was on perfecting the drawing she wanted to give him.
The next day, her morning went as expected—late to class, with her uniform haphazardly thrown on. Professor Trein made her stand outside for twenty minutes before finally letting her back in, and she gratefully slipped into her seat between Ace and Deuce. Though the two were notorious troublemakers, they left her in peace, allowing her to nap behind a book she propped up to look as if she were reading.
The following classes went in much the same way: some mild prodding from her classmates in her second class, a merciless session with Floyd in the third where he wouldn’t let her close her eyes for even a second, and finally a lunch break where she napped in the library. By her last class, she was somewhat awake, counting down the minutes until she could go to Diasomnia with her drawing.
As the bell rang, she set off, her heart pounding with excitement and a touch of nervousness. She’d spent so many nights working on this drawing that she wanted it to be perfect. Walking through the school, she felt the usual wary stares and heard the murmurs of students discussing Diasomnia and its prince with hushed voices. Most feared Malleus, but she couldn’t understand why. Perhaps it was because she’d met him alone in the quiet of the night, where they’d spoken freely without any pretense. She couldn’t help but feel that her bond with him was something rare, and maybe a bit fragile, too.
Upon arriving at Diasomnia, she noticed it was fairly quiet. When she asked after Malleus, most simply shrugged or said they didn’t know. A little disappointed, she learned that the third years might still be in lessons. Deciding to wait, she found a cozy spot in the lounge and settled in, passing the time by flipping through her sketchbook, which was filled with sketches of Malleus and scenes of Briar Valley as he’d described them.
Gradually, she began to grow drowsy from the soft, warm atmosphere of the lounge. The couch was incredibly comfortable, and before long, she’d drifted off, her sketchbook slipping onto her lap.
Some time later, the sensation of a weight lifting from her lap stirred her from sleep. She opened one eye groggily and noticed her sketchbook was missing. She shifted slightly, assuming it had fallen to the floor, and shut her eyes again, settling into the warmth of the armrest, deciding to look for it after another minute’s rest.
As Y/N rested peacefully, the sound of soft footsteps drifted through the lounge, though she remained undisturbed. Lilia, who had been wandering through Diasomnia’s halls, paused when he noticed her asleep on the couch. With a fond smile, he tilted his head, taking in the scene. Her presence here was unexpected, yet oddly familiar; she reminded him of Silver, the way she slept so soundly, though perhaps for entirely different reasons.
Lilia's gaze shifted to the sketchbook that had slipped onto her lap, its pages splayed open to reveal a delicate, meticulously drawn portrait of Malleus. He raised an eyebrow, his eyes sparkling with curiosity. Careful not to wake her, he gingerly picked up the sketchbook, his interest piqued.
“Ohhh, my, what do we have here…” he murmured, flipping through the pages with a mischievous grin. Nearly every other page was filled with sketches of Malleus—his contemplative gaze, his horns under moonlight, the sharp angles of his jaw. Each drawing captured a different side of Malleus, showing an unusual softness to the usually distant prince.
“So many drawings of our dear Malleus…” he whispered to himself, chuckling. The comment stirred Y/N from her slumber, her eyelids fluttering open as she took in her surroundings with bleary confusion.
“Huh…?” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. The sight of Lilia holding her sketchbook made her jolt upright, her cheeks flushing.
“Ah, good evening!” Lilia greeted, closing the sketchbook with a smirk as he looked at her, amused by her flustered expression. “Didn’t mean to wake you… though it seems you have quite an eye for detail.” He gave the sketchbook a playful wave.
“Um… th-that’s…” She stumbled over her words, her face warm with embarrassment as she tried to reach for the sketchbook, but Lilia held it just out of reach.
“Is Malleus your muse, perhaps?” Lilia teased, inspecting one of the more recent drawings. “This is really quite impressive. But I wonder… did he know about this little ‘collection’ you’ve made of him?”
She stammered, her hands shaking as she reached out. “N-no, he just… I mean… um, it’s for practice! Just practice! He has, uh, interesting… features.”
“‘Interesting features,’ is it?” Lilia laughed. “Yes, I’m sure the horns and dragon scales make for good practice. I’ll have to tell him he’s become quite the artist’s inspiration.”
Y/N’s face reddened even more, and she quickly snatched the sketchbook as Lilia relinquished it with an amused smile. Just as she was about to stumble over another explanation, a familiar voice interrupted.
“Y/N,” Malleus’s calm voice echoed as he entered the lounge, looking between her and Lilia. “I apologize for keeping you waiting.”
“Oh, Malleus!” She nearly jumped, clutching the sketchbook to her chest. Malleus’s gaze softened when he looked at her, though his attention soon turned to Lilia, who was watching them with a look of dawning realization and unrestrained amusement.
Lilia clasped his hands together with a dramatic sigh. “My, my, Malleus. I didn’t know you had such devoted company in our dorm, coming here to deliver artwork no less.”
Malleus raised an eyebrow, glancing between them as understanding dawned on him. “I see you’ve made yourself acquainted with Y/N.”
“Oh, yes, indeed,” Lilia replied, giving Y/N a conspiratorial wink. “She’s quite the talented artist—though I must say, your likeness seems to be her specialty.”
Y/N ducked her head, overwhelmed and burning with embarrassment, but Malleus simply looked at her, intrigued. “Is that so?” he asked, a slight smile gracing his lips as he reached a hand out toward her. “If it’s ready, I’d like to see it.”
Flustered, she nodded, opening her sketchbook to the finished drawing she’d been working so hard on, holding it out with trembling hands. Malleus examined it, his expression softening as he traced the lines with his gaze.
“It’s… beautiful,” he murmured, glancing at her with a look that held an unusual warmth. “Thank you, Y/N.”
Beside them, Lilia’s eyes gleamed with silent amusement, watching the two of them with interest. “Well, I suppose I’ll leave you two alone,” he said with a wink, sauntering off with a chuckle.  “Just don’t keep her out too late, Malleus. I’m sure she needs her rest for all those upcoming drawings, hmm?”
Malleus watched Lilia disappear around the corner, shaking his head slightly as a small sigh escaped his lips. Turning back to Y/N, he noticed her still clutching her sketchbook tightly, her cheeks flushed. A gentle smile softened his normally serious expression, and he inclined his head to catch her gaze.
“You don’t need to be so nervous,” he said, his voice softer than usual. “It’s only me.”
She managed a small, tentative smile, but the blush on her cheeks remained. “I know,” she murmured, looking down. “I… just didn’t expect Lilia to… well, you know…”
Malleus chuckled quietly. “He does have a way of surprising people, doesn’t he? Though I find it intriguing how many drawings of me you’ve created. I hadn’t realized I was such an interesting subject.” He paused, an amused gleam in his eyes as he leaned forward slightly. “Or perhaps I’m only interesting when it’s nighttime?”
Y/N’s breath hitched as his words sank in. Her blush deepened, and she stammered, “I-I mean, you’re… interesting all the time, I just… it’s easier to focus on drawing when there’s less going on. At night, you’re… well, easier to approach.”
Malleus raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Am I, now?”
She nodded quickly, gripping the edges of her sketchbook. “Yes. I… I feel like I can be myself more when it’s just us. I don’t have to think too hard about… everything else.”
A warm silence settled between them, broken only by the soft rustling of the leaves in the courtyard beyond the lounge window. Malleus took a seat beside her on the lounge sofa, close enough that their shoulders nearly brushed. His hand rested casually on the cushion near her, though she could sense his attention focused entirely on her, an intensity lingering behind his composed demeanor.
“And I quite enjoy these moments we share at night,” he said quietly. “They are rare moments of solace. There aren’t many with whom I’d wish to spend this time.” His gaze was steady, almost possessive as it held her own. “You’re… different, Y/N.”
The way he spoke made her heart skip a beat, a warmth spreading in her chest that was both comforting and strangely unsettling. She swallowed, glancing down as she fumbled for words. “I… well, I like being here with you, too.”
Malleus smiled, satisfied with her response, and gestured toward her sketchbook. “May I see more?”
Wordlessly, she handed the sketchbook over, feeling a flicker of shyness as he carefully flipped through the pages.
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aria-greenhoodie · 16 hours ago
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Time stuck au but it’s Pacifica meeting the Anti-Cipher society. And she is becoming Abigale’s apprentice in engineering.
I thought I DELETED THIS ASK but I DIDNT it was just HIDDEN FOR SOME REASON! anyway this idea has captivated me, I have yet to draw Pac with the whole society (I WILL) but here’s some doodles of her and Abbey!!
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Click for Quality!
Also some extra musings under the cut…..
The Northwests travel to Illinois one holiday. Pacifica takes some time off from her insufferable parents to find someplace worth visiting. Unfortunately, it seems like nothing in Illinois is worth visiting. She eventually finds herself at 333 North East West Drive, a functionally abandoned historical building, “For Rent” sign collecting dust in its windows. Something catches her eye on the ground - what looks to be a normal tape measurer. I say “looks to be,” because it is in fact a TIME tape-measurer, albeit a half-broken one.
Pacifica ends up in 1901 using the half-broken time tape measurer and manages to break it completely. Luckily for her, Abigale finds her and agrees to help fix it… and teach Pacifica some mechanical know-how in the process!
Abigale doesn’t know that she’s Pacifica’s ancestor. Pacifica is pretty certain Abigale Blackwing is Abigale Northwest, but doesn’t say anything because Abigale Northwest was always considered a bit of a stain on the family, half-buried by history. Pacifica doesn’t want to let Abigale know she’s been erased, and honestly, is still a little bought-in to her family’s philosophy of sweeping “unsavory” people or things under the rug at this point.
Pacifica is actually pretty damn good at mechanics! She takes a second to get a hang of it, but once she grasps the basics she learns the rest shockingly quick. Abigale is so proud.
Pacifica actually helps enable some semblance of workshop-safety in the society, what with her modern knowledge that lead, mercury, and arsenic are all deadly toxins that you shouldn’t be putting in “anti-cipher tonic” to guzzle and/or rub on your skin.
The rest of the society LOVE Pacifica. That’s their collective daughter now.
Jessamine teaches her how to shoot! Pacifica isn’t a very good natural aim, but Jessie is patient and knows skill comes with practice.
Horace is so charmed by her, he really takes up a sort of father figure. He would mow down entire countries for this kid. Pacifica doesn’t know how to take Horace at first, since she’s so used to her real dad sucking ass, but she becomes close with him fast!
Thurburt is SO her silly weird uncle. Thurburt was always a clumsy, accident-prone fool, but somehow around Pacifica he becomes even more slapstickly-inclined. Pacifica thinks he’s doing it on purpose to get a laugh out of her. He is. It always works.
Even O’Pimm, the crotchety old drunk that he is, gets a kick out of her! He likes her honesty. If Pac thinks something’s daft or dull, she’ll say it. O’Pimm is glad to not be the ONLY one with sense around the society anymore.
And of course, it goes without saying that Abigale ADORES Pac. Abigale never wanted to be a mother, but teaching Pacifica the ropes of engineering and working her through her problems made her reconsider that thought.
Pacifica actually manages to fix the time tape measurer all on her own one night. It takes 2 weeks for her to finally tell the society. She almost doesn’t want to leave.
Abigale was the one to convince her to go home. “The future needs you, Pacifica. It needs brilliant, talented girls like you. You’ve got people waiting on you, but more than that, you’ve got a whole WORLD waiting for you! Live your life, Pacifica, your story doesn’t end in this time. Promise me you’ll make some change in that future of yours, rather than feel trapped in the past with us…”
Pacifica is a lot different when she returns. She’s suddenly way into tinkering, something she keeps secret from her family. She’s also a lot happier, and a lot less concerned about mistakes (though she’s more worried when her parents are in eye or earshot…)
Pacifica starts to really get interested in the story of Abigale Northwest. She unearths a lot of hidden secrets about her life. Most of it isn’t good, especially now. At least Pacifica knows the truth, now. (I have a VERY specific idea as to how Abbey’s life was after the society disbanded and it is NOT pretty. When I post it I’ll add a link here)
She wishes Abigale could have had her happy ending. She wonders if she had stayed behind, could she have changed things? She considered using the time tape measurer to go back more times then she’d like to admit. But she made a promise, didn’t she? Her job is here in the future, not stuck in the past…
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dragonydreams · 2 days ago
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BuckTommy Fic: Stuck in the Middle With You
Title: Stuck in the Middle With You Fandom: 9-1-1 Rating: Teen Audiences And Up Pairings/Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Eddie Diaz & Tomy Kinard Additional Tags: post-episode: s08e06 Confessions, this is not a buddie story, second chances, Eddie's a good friend, Fix-It Summary: Eddie promises Buck he'll talk to Tommy to try to get his friends back together. Word Count: 2,701 Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over these characters. I am merely borrowing them from Reamworks, Brad Falchuk Teley-Vision, Ryan Murphy Television, and 20th Television. Betas: Thank you to @medieshanachiefor looking this over for me. Author's Note: I'm not really sure where some of this came from. I had a line in my head and it kind of spiraled from there. Then Tommy got notions and wouldn't give them up. 
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They drank their beers in silence, but after a few minutes when Buck was still staring at the fireplace with that kicked puppy expression on his face, Eddie couldn't keep his rising worry in anymore.
"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what happened?" he asked.
Buck looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. He watched Buck take in his bare face and legs. "I could ask you the same thing," Buck said, rather than answering.
"A priest told me to do something joyful," Eddie said. 'Your turn."
"A priest…? We're coming back to that." Buck takes a swig from his beer bottle. "Tommy dumped me."
Eddie nearly dropped his beer in his haste to turn to face Buck. "He what? But you just had your six month anniversary!"
"Took me by surprise, too," Buck said. "I don't think he was planning it, but as Athena would say, I went full Buck and scared him off."
Eddie winced. "What happened?"
"I asked him to move in with me," Buck admitted.
Eddie blew out a breath. "Is that how you phrased it?"
"Yeah, how else would I do it?" Buck asked, confused. 
"You didn't suggest moving in together, but for Tommy to move in with you," Eddie said.
"What difference does the phrasing make?" Buck asked, getting annoyed. He came here for comfort, not an inquisition.
"At any time while you were deciding to ask Tommy to move in, did you remember that Tommy has a house with a two car garage?" 
"I– What–" Buck's brow furrowed. "Of course I've been to Tommy's house."
"And you asked him to move in with you," Eddie said, again. 
Buck huffed in frustration. "I didn't mean my loft, literally."
"Did he know that?"
"I don't know, he was too busy breaking up with me to discuss where exactly we'd live," Buck said. "Why are you taking his side?"
"I'm not," Eddie said, holding his hands up. "I'm just trying to understand what happened."
"Did you know he used to be engaged to a woman?" Buck asked. "To Abby?"
Eddie's eyes went wide. "Not your Abby?"
"Yes, my Abby. Although I guess she was his Abby first," Buck said. "How could the two most important people I've dated been engaged to each other?"
"That is quite the coincidence," Eddie mused. "Is that what led to the idea of moving in?"
"Maybe?" Buck admitted. "Josh said all this stuff about me coming out in a post-Glee world, but he and Tommy came out in a pre-Glee world that wasn't so understanding and I wanted Tommy to know that I respected how hard it must have been for him and show him that I was all in."
"Had the two of you said I love you yet?" Eddie asked. 
"Why does everyone keep asking me that," Buck muttered. "No, but had you and Marisol said it before you asked her to move in?"
"No, we had not, and look how that turned out," Eddie said. "Our exes definitely had some big secrets."
"Yeah, but I knew about Abby before asking Tommy to move in. You didn't find out about Marisol being a nun until after," Buck pointed out.
"Almost a nun," Eddie corrected him automatically. 
Buck slumped back against the couch, draining the rest of his beer. "I went too big, too fast, didn't I?"
"You do have a tendency to act before thinking things through," Eddie agreed. 
"It's part of my charm," Buck said.
"Is it though?"
"Apparently not," Buck admitted. "I thought people liked big romantic gestures. Tommy loves all that rom-com stuff."
"Maybe, but not when it's a reaction to learning about a shared former lover," Eddie said. 
"How do I fix this?" Buck asked, tears filling his eyes. "I don't know that I am... Was… am in love with him, but I'm not ready to be without him."
"I don't know that this is something that you can walk back," Eddie said. 
"He said that while he may have been my first, he wasn't going to be my last. Did he tell you that he wasn't in this for the long haul?" Buck asked.
"We tried not to talk about you too much when we hung out," Eddie said. "But from what I could see, he was in it as much as you were." 
"Then why would he say something like that to me? Just because he's the first man I've been with doesn't mean that I want to be with other men."
"I can't speak for him, but maybe it's been his experience that when one man is just starting to date men and the other isn't, they don't usually stay together that long," Eddie said. "I'm just guessing here. You'd have to talk to him."
"Or-or you could," Buck suggested. He sat up on the couch, suddenly eager. "Yeah, can you do that? Can you go tell him that sometimes I leap before I look and I don't want this to end?"
Buck was looking at him with such sad yet hopeful eyes, that Eddie found himself saying, "Okay, fine, I'll try. Once."
Buck tackle hugged him. "Thank you. You're the best friend ever."
"I can't promise I'll change his mind," Eddie cautioned. 
"I'm not asking you to. I just need him to talk to me," Buck said, pulling back. "And now I think I need to know where your pants are."
Eddie laughed. "Yeah, um, so have you seen the movie Risky Business..."
~~*~~
Eddie stood before Tommy's front door, food offering in hand, and took a deep breath before ringing the bell.
It took a few minutes, but Tommy opened the door looking as rough as Eddie expected. 
"Had a feeling you'd need this," he said, holding up the bag containing a couple of breakfast burritos. 
"Did he send you?" Tommy asked, warily eyeing the bag of food.
"Yes, but I also wanted to see how you're doing," Eddie admitted. "I'm your friend, too."
Tommy stood back and let Eddie in before following him to the kitchen. Eddie got down a couple of plates while Tommy started making coffee.
"Should have known he'd run straight to you," Tommy muttered. "That man has been in love with you for as long as I've known him."
Eddie snorted. "No, he's not."
Tommy stared at him with an eyebrow raised. "I know he claimed he was trying to get my attention after you and I started hanging out, but I can tell you, he was most definitely not."
"He may have been trying to get my attention, but that's just the way our co-dependent friendship works sometimes. It's not because he's in love with me," Eddie protested.
"You tell yourself whatever you need to," Tommy said. 
"If he was in love with me, why would he have come to my house last night with a six-pack of beer and practically beg me to come ask you to talk to him to try to change your mind about breaking up?"
"Because you're his best friend," Tommy said.
"His straight best friend," Eddie reminded him. He idly wondered why he had to keep telling men he was straight. 
"You sure about that?" Tommy asked. "Should I kiss you and see if you have the same revelation Evan had?"
"Thanks, but I'll pass," Eddie said. "Because one, I'm not bicurious and two, I'm here on behalf of my heartbroken best friend."
Tommy poured them each a cup of coffee and they moved to the dining table. They each took a few bites before the conversation resumed.
"So, Buck's Abby was also your Abby," Eddie said. 
"It appears so. Did you know her?" Tommy asked.
Eddie shook his head. "She was before I moved to L.A. But I was there for the aftermath. Did he tell you about their breakup?"
"We didn't really get into that," Tommy admitted. "He just said she was one of his most transformative relationships, before me."
"From what I've heard, Buck slept around a lot before Abby. Bobby actually fired him his probationary year because he kept stealing engines for hookups."
Tommy choked on the bite he'd just taken. "I'm sorry, he stole fire engines to have sex? He wasn't kidding when he said he was a himbo."
Eddie nodded. "That's not the guy that I met, though. I met a guy who was living in his girlfriend's apartment even though she'd been traveling in Europe alone for months after her mom died."
"I did read about that. I sent her flowers," Tommy said.
"She basically ghosted Buck. He was staying true to her while she ran around without any real intention of coming back. She broke something in him."
"Because I broke something in her," Tommy said.
"That's not what I'm saying," Eddie said, quickly.
"Then why tell me about it?" Tommy demanded.
"To help you understand Buck. In case you haven't noticed, he has a fear of abandonment. Of not being enough," Eddie said.
"Who doesn't?" Tommy countered.
"He also tends to overcompensate when he's afraid," Eddie said.
"You're saying that he asked me to move in to his loft because he was afraid I'd leave him for a woman once he knew I used to be engaged to one?" Tommy asked, incredulously.
"No, I'm saying that between learning about Abby and something Josh said to him about how hard it was for gay people pre-Glee he wanted to show you how "in" he was in this relationship by asking you to move in."
"He's done this before? I'm not sure if that makes me feel any better."
"Did he tell you about suing the city after Bobby wouldn't let him return to work as soon as Buck wanted to after the ladder truck crushed his leg? Or asking Taylor to move in with him instead of just telling her he'd kissed Lucy back after she'd kissed him?"
"So he has done this before," Tommy said, solemnly. "Wait, Lucy Denato?"
"Or the time he tried grooming Ravi to take his place because he was convinced we all hated him after Chimney went chasing after Maddie when she left after Jee-Yun was born?"
"Or the time he thought he was cursed because he grew boils after an allergic reaction?" Tommy added.
"Exactly. He gets stuff in his head and reacts without thinking."
"And instead of talking it out, I just reacted to the words he was saying instead of talking to him about where they were coming from," Tommy said.
"Do you love him?" Eddie asked.
"Not yet, but I was close," Tommy admitted. "I didn't get into this relationship expecting love. I wasn't looking for it, but it was starting to sneak up on me."
"And that scared you," Eddie guessed.
"It did, because, as I said before, I didn't want my heart broken when you finally realized you were as in love with Evan as he is with you," Tommy said.
"I told you, I'm not," Eddie insisted. "I'm not gay, or bi."
"That's why you grew a Freddy Mercury mustache? To show how straight you are?" Tommy asked.
"Is that why the hot priest was hitting on me?" Eddie wondered aloud. 
"I'm sorry, a hot priest was hitting on you?" Tommy made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle.
"He called my mustache very handsome," Eddie said.
"So you ran home and shaved it?"
"No, I shaved it because I realized I didn't need the mask anymore," Eddie said. "And not to mask that I'm straight. That's just the truth."
Tommy held his hands up. "Okay, fine, you're straight. You have no interest in bedding Evan."
"No, I don't. I'm not a threat to your relationship."
"There is no more relationship," Tommy said.
"If you're willing to try, there still could be," Eddie said. 
"I need to think about it," Tommy said.
"That's all I'm asking," Eddie said.
~~*~~
Can we meet for coffee?"
Buck nearly fumbled his phone as he read the text when they got back to the station after a call, four days after Tommy had dumped him. He frantically looked around for Eddie.
When he spotted him on a couch he ran over to him, holding out his phone. "Eddie, Eddie, he texted."
"Are you going to respond?" Eddie teased. 
"Oh, uh, yeah, of course," Buck said, pulling his phone back.
Yes! When and where?
Tommy responded right away. 
Tomorrow morning, 10am. You know where.
The coffee shop of second chances. Third? I'll be there.
"So?" Eddie asked.
"We're meeting for coffee tomorrow when we get off shift," Buck said, his face lit up with his smile.
"That's great, man. Good luck," Eddie said.
~~*~~
Buck was sitting at an outdoor table, two cups of coffee before him. The main difference this time is that he knew he had Tommy's order right.
"I'm feeling a bit of deja vu," Tommy said as he sat down across from Buck.
"Coffee should be better this time," Buck said.
Tommy brought the cup to his lips and hummed with appreciation. "At least you didn't try to be cute and order the wrong thing knowingly."
"I'd never do that to you," Buck said, offended.
"I know," Tommy said. "I'm sorry, I know that I have no right to be snarky."
"I'm the one who got dumped," Buck pointed out. "If anyone's going to be snarky, it should be me."
"I'm sorry, Evan," Tommy said.
"So it's Evan again?" Buck snarked.
"I deserved that," Tommy said. 
"What are you sorry for?" Buck asked.
"I'm sorry that instead of talking out my concerns that you were moving too fast I pulled away completely," Tommy apologized.
"And I'm sorry if you thought that I meant I wanted you to move into the loft. I was just so excited about the idea of living together, I didn't stop to think about where it would be," Buck said.
"I guess that's something we'll both need to work on; pausing to think before saying things," Tommy said.
"S-so there's something to work on?" Buck asked, hopefully. "Are we getting back together?"
"I think we need to have some long conversations about what we're looking for in this relationship, but I'm willing to have those discussions," Tommy said.
"Me too," Buck said, eagerly.
"But first, I want to ask you something that I should have done from the beginning," Tommy said.
Buck licked his lips nervously and nodded. "Okay, ask."
"Are you in love with Eddie?"
Buck laughed, then noticed the stern look on Tommy's face. "Oh, you're serious."
"Very."
"No, I'm not in love with Eddie. He's my best friend. My soulmate, but my platonic soulmate."
"Are you sure about that? Now that you know you're bi, are your feelings for him still just platonic?" Tommy pressed.
"Totally," Buck assured him. "He's always going to be an important person in my life, but he's not the one I want to share a bed with. My turn for a serious question."
"I deserve that," Tommy said.
"Can you handle Eddie and Christopher's role in my life? I'm always going to drop everything if one of them needs me. Are you going to be okay with that? Most of my girlfriends couldn't."
"Hell, I'll probably be the one driving you," Tommy admitted. "They're both pretty special people."
"They're the best," Buck agreed. "And I think you should take Eddie to the Lakers game instead of me. I really hate basketball."
Tommy laughed. "You know, somehow I just knew Eddie was going to end up at that game."
"Can we kiss and make up now?" Buck asked. 
"God, yes," Tommy said, both of them standing and reaching for the other. 
The kiss was fairly chaste since they were in public, but their hunger for each other was clear. This was something they both desperately wanted.
"You wanna get out of here?" Buck asked, somewhat breathless.
"Come back to my place?" Tommy suggested. 
"I'm right behind you," Buck said.
"Hmm, no, I think we should be face to face," Tommy said, smirking. 
Buck's face flushed. "That's not what… I mean yes, absolutely."
Tommy kissed Buck's cheek. "I'll see you soon."
The Beginning (Again)
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wxrwounds · 2 days ago
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"I wonder who has to do with that good mood huh?" He teased, nudging her back with a smile. "I've seen the wrath of Wanda before, God sometimes I feel sorry for Pietro, he gets a lot of shit sometimes." Jase knew he was a pain in the ass sometimes too so he got what he deserved.
"They're always watching, can't loose assets like us. If they're not keep us in check, what happens if someone gains control of us." He never signed up for this but he also knew it came with the job. "we're not taking on whoever's in charge now because we want a holiday." Jase chuckled, knowing it wouldn't end well for the others but he wasn't about to become americas most wanted over a beach holiday.
"That's how I knew I could trust you. You had this look on your face when you relised and I just knew you understood." He finally admitted, shaking his head as the thoughts started to come back. He'd worked so hard to try and get over it but there was that part of him that knew it wouldn't be this easy to just move on from the years of abuse.
"How about a cabin in the woods near a beach? What about something in like Hawaii but one of the smaller islands. Like one grocery store and no internet." He mused, Already thinking about getting his surfboard out and waxing it in preparation for the trip.
However, his eyes narrowed in on Wanda at her next words. "Delicious?" He questioned, looking forward and shaking his head a little. "We don't have to be only friends... I just thought that there was something between you and Vision... I didn't want to.." He wasn't sure what to say, was it a relationship if he was an android? was there even anything happening, He'd been promised by Bruce and Tony that Vision was affectionate towards her and he wasn't sure how to approach that at all.
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"Oh thank god! No reality altering today." Jason replied with a grin, knowing better than to keep pushing her. He'd see how Pietro fared when he pushed it too far. Shaking his head with a grin at her mock surrender "Yeah yeah tough guy, Back down." He laughed.
"They're listening in to our calls and tracking my hotels account." He laughed. The last time he tried to take a few days off and head to florida for a week, it was like as soon as he landed in the state he got called back for a job. There was a promise that the next approved vacation would be pushed through but he was too busy for that.
"I uh... yeah." He didn't know what to say but he knew Wanda knew that side of things and she understood. He'd never forget the look on her face when she tried to use her powers on him, back when Ultron was still around and had the twins doing his bidding. That look of familiarity but also understanding, He knew from that moment that the twins needed to be saved, they weren't the monsters Fury had made them out to be. It was also why he was removed from that situation as soon as possible.
"I got a pull up my sleeve for that one, Where did you want to go?" He asked, not at all bothered with where they went as long as there was a beach and peace and quiet. "Back in shape... Have I really fallen that far off the bandwagon?" He laughed, if anything he was in the best shape of his life at the moment.
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remyfire · 4 months ago
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I've had a lot of really lovely experiences in this fandom, but I do think one of my favorites has been the amount of people who used to dislike or be ambivalent toward Beje, but who are now quite fond of him just because they've enjoyed spending a lot of time with me. Every time someone tells me that, I know I've got to be doing something right, at least
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jennycalendar · 8 months ago
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i am feeling a little less like clawing walls to shreds, but it’s like … every time i get sleep, i immediately without fail start wanting to bodily hurl myself off of buildings. there are plenty of actionable things i could do to make myself feel better, no shortage of people who have made themselves more than available and with so much love at that, but i just don’t want to be okay about this? i do not know how to want to be okay about this. i can be very cheerful in the high points of not being okay about this, but the minute i have room for feelings, it is suddenly so bad.
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anthromimicry · 6 months ago
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okay, but i think it is about time to talk about one of misao's fears is, because i believe that they can tell you a lot about a character and their psyche — and i came to tell y'all that the one i'm going to be talking about today is that misao fears becoming a mother / motherhood. the first reason in which why i believe this is because misao just genuinely thinks that she is not the nurturing type and that she would likely be a terrible parent to her child ( which i know is a very depressing thing to think about. but it is something that she has feared for a long time, unfortunately. ) this likely stems from a mix of misao's inability to deal with her own emotions, though, as she feels like it's better to just bottle them up and deal with them all on her own rather than the alternative. and this would be to try to confide in someone and/or get help from them should she need it. so, misao feels as if her child were to come to her needing emotional support from her, she would absolutely fail at it and the last thing she wants is to emotionally neglect someone the way she had been as a child ( p.s. of course, this was mostly just borne out of unfortunate circumstances, as i've stated before because of kaiyah's illness. though this hasn't stopped misao from feeling the brunt of the impact that it had on her. )
plus... i feel as if misao also doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself whenever it comes to the concept of always being able to put a child first, as she has a pretty negative self-image of herself deep down if i'm being honest. she sees herself as an extremely selfish person who can't even become friends with one person because she is so afraid that someone will hurt her, and in her opinion, that makes her pathetic or weak. so she doesn't feel like she'd be able to take care of a child with the amount of responsibility that is required to in order to raise them properly and protect them at the same time.
though this isn't necessarily true as misao has put up those barriers that would normally let people into her heart mostly due to trauma, and having experienced trauma doesn't make anyone weak. i just feel as if she desperately needs to remedy her self-image because it is very damaging to think of yourself like that and it would be really good for her emotional health if she were to try to ways to better cope with everything that she's experienced throughout her life. there are other reasons as well behind why misao fears motherhood while i'm talking about it, however, and these are arguably one of the more bigger ones: the act of giving birth itself and suddenly being thrust into having to not just take care of yourself, but the baby inside of you as well. which sort of makes sense whenever you connect the dots as to how many horror stories misao has heard about delivering a baby and also how much a person's experience while being pregnant can vary from others. i mean, it has been shown that some people may have more morning sickness than others and that they just don't have a very good experience with being pregnant in general, for example. but other's may be 'glowing' as they say and may find it easier to deal with.
so, you never really know what kind of pregnancy you're going to have until you actually become 'with child' as misao would call it. and the unknown aspect surrounding it scares misao more than anything. plus, as it stands now, she isn't sure whether she'd want to go through the process of giving birth as there can be a lot of complications regarding it. but there can also be so many good things about inviting a new member of the family into your home and misao feels as if it is kind of expected of her to have children so she can continue the kanade line.
but misao is just so afraid of it for these reasons that she can not see herself as a mother, even in her head. however... there is the matter of adoption that she has yet to take into account, but with how focused the jorōgumo are about having biological children, i feel as if misao hasn't even considered it to be an option for those who are afraid of giving birth and also to give a baby / child a loving home as everyone deserves one of those. but yeah. i hope that this gave y'all a little more insight into her character, as misao is scared of re-enacting her past in a way, though i feel as if you become a mother yourself... you have to separate what will be your own experience of parenthood from your parents. so, in order to overcome this fear she has, misao would have to treat it as an entirely different thing from kaiyah's experience as a mother and her own child self's experience of her as a mother.
and this is definitely possible. it would just take some work, as overcoming any kind of fear would. plus, i feel as if misao were to accept other people's help it would also benefit her, since discussing motherhood / plunging into the topic of the sometimes seemingly scary thing that is parenthood is definitely not something that you have to try to go through alone.
#ALL POWER DEMANDS SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#SOMETIMES AGAINST ALL LOGIC WE HOPE: headcanons.#yeahhh so i know that i keep on posting some pretty heavy things on my pages BUT like i said on my other acc i promise that i will give-#y'all some fluffy content after this JSJSJ but i just had to talk about this because it says a lot about her character and i don't mean tha#in a bad way or anything ofc. i just mean from like a psychological standpoint and i know that motherhood / parenthood can be such a comple#thing to talk about BUT i tried my best to cover all of the reasons as to why misao is afraid of becoming a mother and/or having another-#person to take care of in her home in general. to summarize things her negative self-image and the experience that she has as a child-#regarding how her own mother treated her (though she still VERY much loves kaiyah and knows that she can't really blame her for any of it-#bc of how severe her mental illness was) haunting her in a way as she believes that perhaps she will continue the cycle of emotional neglec#in the family. sooo yeah it is awfully complicated though when you consider that kaiyah did her best to take care of her and that's really-#all you can do as a parent. it is just a very nuanced topic for her but of course that doesn't mean that i hold the same opinion of it as-#misao since you should always separate from the character from the writer but whenever i get in her headspace i feel as if this is the best#way i could describe her fear of it.#tw: trauma.#tw: mentions of emotional neglect.#tw: discussions of pregnancy / motherhood.#tw: fear.#tw: discussions of negative thoughts.
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icelogged · 1 year ago
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*2015 voice* i wish i had the chillness instead i got the mental illness
#evidence of life#tw for mental illnesses major distress illness symptoms that aren’t romanticized (lawl) suicide ableism i guess?#idk just a massive tw for what i’ve said in the notes / don’t read if descriptions of mental illnesses bother you etc#///////////////////////​///////////////////////​///////////////////////​///////////////////////​////////////////////////////////////////////#i literally had to mix rubbing alcohol into my body wash then put it all over my body except my hair to stop myself from committing suicide#i’m so serious if there’s one thing i don’t say with my convoluted levels irony it’s suicide whenever i say kms im 100% serious#suicide is literally a constant ideation for me and i just can’t teehee about it ever i think it’s because it is one of the few ways i feel#that i can take total control full autonomy#anyways isn’t crazy traumatic things will happen and we have to just keep going like im literally on tumblr after [redacted]…#also why is my psychosis so obsessed with break ins these days when i was doing my rubbing alcohol scrub it did the break in scenario#like miss girl literally nobody want us that bad take a seat…#anyways this day started out okayish and now it’s literally *burning building in the background*#i wanna try to at least make it possibly kind of better by going to watch the sunset but no promises kinda itching for more rubbing alcohol#anyways slayyyy respectfully i hope this scares off…who it usually does…#like bro i am not a manic pixie dream girl i am not a smol bean with anxiety not a depressed gloomy muse etc#i am [as described by men who thought that i was just another goth bitch with daddy issues that knew all the right moves to make me into#whatever they needed me to be and or thought i was being hyperbolic when i say i am insane in the head and the pussy (as above so below)]#‘crazy crazy’ ‘fucked up’ ‘not worth it [because i am crazy for real]’ ‘[in need for a dude who one course in psychology and thinks that and#his dick are enough to ‘cure me’ ‘weird’ ‘freak’ ‘looney’ (kinda love that one like so true) etc (bc i don’t want to talk abt this anymore)#edit: my ​temporary icon bothering more than it should rn ughhh bad end all around goodness
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tvrningout-a · 1 year ago
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i should've switched to writing original stuff ages ago bc i could've been overcoming writer's block if i did :' )
#connecting mine and vee's lore in written form is something i've wanted to do forever bc i love love love gaia and kaiya's relationship!!#but i had a mental block towards bio's for... man i dunno how long tbh#i always got really stuck with them which is why i started doing bullet points where i could jot down all my thoughts#but i should have just?? been unafraid to write lengthy bio's i think#and then i could've done fun stuff like this way earlier!! without feeling stuck and slow!!#like honestly i don't even care about the people who won't bother to read my bio's bc those probably aren't the people who will#end up writing with me#i always avoided lengthy bio's bc i didn't wanna inconvenience someone#but how is it inconveniencing if i'm trying to make something interesting and enjoyable to read?#how is it inconveniencing if i'm just?? writing about my muses?? it's silly to water down my creativity and i'm sorry i did it now#now pls know i can give you the tldr on any of my muses bio if you need it asdfgh but i'm gonna just!! do what's fun for me from now on#that's gonna be a very important rule i need to enforce for myself with this blog move#no more doing things that make it harder for myself bc i'm worried about other people#there needs to be a balance and that's what i'm gonna keep in mind going forward uvu#so sorry for the rant oh my gosh asdfgh i just got to thinking and truly my writer's block has not bothered me with dorverold stuff#like it has in the past for other things and i think it's how i've approached writing and world building aka not worrying about length#if i'm struggling it's because i'm tired or busy#ANYWAY ASDFG i promise i'm going to bed now :' ))) good night!!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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byanyan · 2 years ago
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i'm trying to do more than just shitpost today i promise
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helldustedstories · 6 months ago
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I keep jumping at literally every YouTube notification, even though I'm personally pretty convinced the new episode is gonna drop next week. (Though I wouldn't put it past them to drop it May 31st, with a surprise Apology Tour June 1st, just to keep us on our toes.)
And once again, I apologize for the person I will become once it drops.
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swirldmg · 8 months ago
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tomorrow i will start klee and xiao icons i think. because i love them
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awkwardcourage · 10 months ago
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silly little tag dump pls ignore.
roleplay tags
i don't want to go to a second location with you | threads
thank you for an extremely weird conversation | answered asks
with poise and willingness to improvise | nsfw
just when you think this shit can't get any more horrible | dead dove content
it is weird it's scary you wind up just saying shit | starters and memes
you wanna know what's really messed up? | wishlist and ideas
oh no i'm good i'm full of cocaine | open starter
hughie tags
i’m not an infiltrator! | visage
i am so angry i can't even breathe | musings
i can be that person who nobody thinks is awesome but actually they're kind of fucking awesome | headcanons
that was joel at the garden | aesthetics
i wanna be someone who saves his family | about
i've been meaning to clean up the supe stuff for a while now | interests
will you stop calling me that? i’m like six feet tall | it him
oh my god is that a threat or a promise? | wants and desires
misc
that was- that was so good that was really good i enjoyed that | compliments and gifts
don't you dare besmirch billy joel | out of character
where’d you get this stuff circuit city? | resources
you're my second wind | promo
then who the fuck are you?! | about the mun
you know what's insane? | psa
we gotta go in there don’t we? | queue
main verses
you're only human | main verse
you’re having a hard time and lately you don’t feel so good | main verse: first season
you’re getting a bad reputation in your neighbourhood | main verse: second season
you're allowed to make your share of mistakes | main verse: third season
it's not always easy to be living in this world of pain | main verse: fourth season
slow down you crazy child | childhood verse
alternative verses
simon & garfunkel | alternative verses
keep the customer satisfied | martyr verse
america | hunter verse
baby driver | hacker verse
the only living boy in new york | vampire verse
the tower coven | alternate vampire verse
CHARACTERS
the boys
like you're starring in porn version of the matrix | billy butcher
i don’t think now is the time for a major hallucinogen | frenchie
that’s a… nickname? | mother’s milk
she wants to know where you've been | kimiko miyashiro
family
every other nice person can fuck off and go home | annie
i have never told you everything | dad
your promise isn't worth the paper it's written on | mom
other characters
big fan | queen maeve
i'm totally comfortable | homelander
every single thing you say is so gross | soldier boy
RELATIONSHIPS
my mom left when i was six | relationships
the boys
you always were my canary | hughie and butcher
don’t be scared petit hughie | hughie and frenchie
you ain't going... i ain't going | hughie and mother's milk
i thought it sounded great | hughie and kimiko
family
you saved my life | hughie and annie
my wee hughie | hughie and dad
i don’t wanna be like her | hughie and mom
dude i had to ask you out! | hughie and robin
#oh my god is that a threat or a promise? | wants and desires#where’d you get this stuff circuit city? | resources#will you stop calling me that? i’m like six feet tall | it him#my mom left when i was six | relationships#i've been meaning to clean up the supe stuff for a while now | interests#you ain't going... i ain't going | hughie and mother's milk#i thought it sounded great | hughie and kimiko#she wants to know where you've been | kimiko miyashiro#i am so angry i can't even breathe | musings#slow down you crazy child | childhood verse#she hides like a child but she's always a woman to me | hughie and lulu#it is weird it's scary you wind up just saying shit | starters and memes#don’t be scared petit hughie | hughie and frenchie#every other nice person can fuck off and go home | annie#you saved my life | hughie and annie#we gotta go in there don’t we? | queue#you always were my canary | hughie and butcher#i have never told you everything | dad#dude i had to ask you out! | hughie and robin#that was- that was so good that was really good i enjoyed that | compliments and gifts#keep the customer satisfied | martyr verse#that was joel at the garden | aesthetics#i wanna be someone who saves his family | about#i don’t wanna be like her | hughie and mom#your promise isn't worth the paper it's written on | mom#my wee hughie | hughie and dad#it's not always easy to be living in this world of pain | main verse: fourth season#i'm totally comfortable | homelander#don't you dare besmirch billy joel | out of character#you're my second wind | promo
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charliemwrites · 10 months ago
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A Thought™️ that I had yesterday after watching those AITA videos and babbling in the discord:
(This is also babble to be clear. I’ve been writing this throughout the morning so it might be a bit incoherent)
The 141 is shopping for a new team member, someone to round out their four person squad into five. They have a dozen candidates, pick one that looks promising, and transfer him over under the military equivalent of “probationary” status.
Pretty quickly they decide his personality alone might not make him a good fit but whatever, if he’s good at his job, they’ll suck it up. The “alpha male” posturing bullshit is kind of amusing in the meantime at least.
Well, first mission comes and goes. The guy isn’t too bad, honestly — apart from almost picking a fight with Gaz. Skills-wise he’s as advertised, so he gets to stay a bit longer while the 141 decides if they can stand him.
Post successful mission, though, they go out for drinks at the guy’s insistence. He invites his girlfriend — who he dragged along with him — to the bar to meet his new squad. (Because he thinks there’s no way they’re not making him a permanent teammate.)
And the 141 may be barely tolerant of him, but they decide almost instantly that they adore his girlfriend. She’s incredibly charming and bubbly, doesn’t even blink at Ghost’s mask. One of the first things she does is thank them for the opportunity they’re giving her boyfriend and for keeping him alive.
Which is about the time the real issue starts.
The boyfriend says some rubbish about “an alpha doesn’t need protecting, he does the protecting. He looks out for his pack.”
And you smile a bit awkwardly, looking embarrassed, and try to usher the conversation along.
It doesn’t take long for him to quickly fall out of what little favor he accrued. You’re a bright spot in their group, laughing and chatting with them all like you’ve known them for years. Incredibly sensitive to asking any hard questions and sort of forcing the conversation through the weird patches where your boyfriend interjects with some inane comment.
Eventually, your boyfriend gets sick of your chattering and tells you to fetch them more drinks. Soap instantly sits up, saying you don’t have to do that, but you gently wave him off. Chirp that you don’t mind doing it as a thank you for their service, and weave into the crowd.
The table goes uncomfortable quiet — apart from your boyfriend, who makes some ghastly comment about how you have a pretty face but an annoying laugh. When you get back, drinks expertly balanced in your hands, Ghost goes out of his way to drop puns that get you giggling like mad.
As the night ticks later, and your boyfriend gets drunker, he reaches the point you always dread.
“Garrick, le’s arm wrestle.”
“Baby, I don’t think that’s…”
“This is between us men.”
You groan a bit and sit back. Gaz looks befuddled but shrugs and agrees. It’s not even a contest; your boyfriend’s arm is flat to the table in all of ten seconds. Flustered, your boyfriend demands a rematch. And when he loses again, scoffs and demands a go with Soap.
You practically sink deeper and deeper into your seat before the secondhand embarrassment starts to weigh and you have to excuse yourself to the restroom. When you get back, the impromptu arm wrestling seems to be over, though your boyfriend is sulking in his corner of the booth.
When you gingerly slide back in, Price nudges you with his calf.
“Would you like a go, luv?”
You grin and shake your head. “I don’t fancy a broken wrist, Captain.”
“C’mon luv, you might surprise yourself,” he teases and you can’t resist the playful glint in his eye.
So you lock your thumb around his, elbow on the table, and push. And his arm incrementally goes down… down… down…
“Well would you look at that,” he muses.
You burst into laughter, flattered and endeared by his indulgence.
“That tough, eh?” Soap muses, arching an eyebrow. “Let’s see it, then.”
So you roll your eyes, fully expecting to get trounced. But just like with Price, he starts to relent when you put up resistance, making a show of straining and panting as he “loses.” When you’ve won, you finally play into the joke.
“Serves you right,” you tease.
By your side, you hear your boyfriend huff derisively. “Oh, come on.”
Before your fun can be ruined, though, Ghost is offering you his hand, dark eyes sparkling. You bite your lip, but it doesn’t hide your grin as you accept the unspoken challenge. His hand is huge around yours, but shockingly gentle. He goes down easiest of all, whistling in amazement.
“Look’it that, you’re a pro,” he says, “think we should all be buying you a drink.”
“She doesn’t drink,” your boyfriend interjects.
You huff and settle back into the booth. “Maybe some other time, Lieutenant Riley?”
“Count on it.”
You get into an argument with your boyfriend that night. He thinks you were “challenging his dominance” and “stirring the pot,” trying to sew discord and strife amongst the men to get them fighting over you. He says something about being the alpha of the group and that he would win but it’s insulting to him as your “provider” that you would question his authority.
He’s tipsy as he says it though, working himself up. You just follow the usual routine of soothing, reassuring, simpering — and then considering leaving when he’s finally asleep. But you’re far from home, don’t have the means to leave, and besides, you won’t be finding any support from your family on this front so…
Well, it’s not so bad, you remind yourself. He can be an asshole, but so can you and it takes two to fight. Besides, he only gets really bad when he’s been drinking and that’s only once a week? 1 out of 7 isn’t a bad ratio.
The 141 pretty much collectively decide that they adore you though. You get regularly invited to team outings, wherein your boyfriend keeps challenging (and losing) arm wrestling, while the boys coax you into “winning.”
They’ve also become rather adamant that you don’t bring them drinks anymore.
“You’re not our personal beer wench, yeah? We’re able to get our own pints,” Gaz soothes.
Your boyfriend chuckles and shakes his head, imparts his “wisdom” that it’s a female’s job to serve her man and his friends. As a sign of respect or something. You know it’s not an argument worth having and just sip at your drink in silence.
But you love going out with them. Love knowing the men keeping your boyfriend alive and they’re a good bunch. Respectful and funny and disciplined — you’re kind of hoping they snap your boyfriend out of this weird “alpha male” phase he’s been going through. On the other hand, you’re thrilled to be making something like friends. Sure, your boyfriend has made it clear that the 141 are his friends, but they’re always so conscious of keeping you involved and comfortable.
Then one night your boyfriend mentions what a “good little cook” you are and that instantly has all the boys perking up. Smiling, you offer to host during the Saturday League matches. They gleefully accept over your boyfriend’s protests about other men in his territory or something like that.
But when they do come over they’re horrified by the unspoken expectations. You tell them to sit, that you’ll bring them all drinks, with snacks on the way. They’ll be having none of it.
Ghost helps you with drinks, Gaz chops the veggies for snacks (and dinner). Soap pops in to keep you company while you babysit simmering pots. Price helps to tidy as you go, despite you’re fussing that he really doesn’t need to, he should be enjoying the games!
They end up spending more time with you in the kitchen than out in the den with their own teammate. You barely notice, swept up in the busy currents of playing hostess. When your boyfriend shouts that he needs another beer, you come back to find Price getting plates and utensils for dinner. It’s so thoughtful you could cry.
Even worse is when they help you clean up afterwards. Each of them taking and clearing their own plates. Soap on washing big dishes, Gaz on drying. Ghost is packing up leftovers. Price is turning over the dishwasher, asking you where dishes go and tutting when you insist you should be helping.
All the while, your boyfriend stands in the doorway telling you all the ways you could improve the meal next time. And how you definitely ate too much for your body size, etc.
He only stops when Price makes a pointed comment about standing around looking pretty.
When they leave, they each sweep you up in a hug and drop a kiss on your cheek, praising your home and cooking and hosting. Soap promises that he’ll get you a little souvenir on their next mission as a thank you.
And sure enough, three weeks later, the boys are coming by. Except your boyfriend is nowhere to be found — out with some other guys from the base that he says he hit it off with. The 141 insist that he agreed to a football watch again, the empty headed muppet.
And of course you’re not going to turn them away! They’ve brought you flowers, a little matryoshka set from their last mission, chocolates and wine. Not one of them is empty handed.
“Do you even like the game?” Gaz asks as you put it on.
“My favorite team isn’t playing until tomorrow but I don’t mind watching,” you answer, shrugging.
But somehow no football is watched at all. Instead they convince you to tell them your top three favorite movies, then claim none of them have ever seen any of them and they have to watch all of them.
Which is how your boyfriend finds his whole team enjoying a little movie marathon with you. You’re on the ground with Johnny (it’s Johnny now, for you) doing his eyebrows. Gaz is braiding your hair. Ghost (Simon) is sharing a bowl of candies with you. You’re sat against Price’s shins, the captain sitting in your boyfriend’s chair, lounging like a king.
When you welcome him back, telling him the boys are staying the night, he tries to throw a fit about it. How dare you let four strange men stay alone with you?! You calmly remind him that he promised he’d be home by 11 and it’s already nearly 1. And besides, he trusts them with his life, you’re allowed to trust them to be polite in your own home.
With all four of his teammates watching, tense and nearly hostile, he mutters something about being tired and storms off to bed. You end up falling asleep on the couch with ghost despite yourself.
And your boyfriend becomes absolutely haunted by his team’s (is it even his team? It feels more like yours!) affection for you.
They always invite you out even if he doesn’t plan to invite you. (When did you get any of their numbers?! Never mind Ghost’s. He doesn’t even have Ghost’s number.)
They stop by the flat constantly, sometimes dropping in. Other times staying for hours. Soap tells him that they’re all one big family; that includes you. (“Alright then why don’t we go hang out with one of your girlfriends?!” He had an actual nightmare about the laughter that gets him.)
And the fucking gifts. It’s not just soap bringing you things anymore. It’s all of them. Magnets, mugs, sweets, pretty rocks. Just garbage to your boyfriend but you treat it all like treasure. They’ve even got you sending them on hunts for specific things. Something blue, something with nuts, something with the flag.
Then there’s the base.
They bring you on one day — Price picks you up, the boys greet you at the barracks with coffee and breakfast. You’re put into a big 141 hoodie that says “Riley” on the back and toured around. You’re supposed to be “surprising” your boyfriend, but he’s busy with recruits and generally seems uninterested in being around you.
Not to worry though, the 141 is happy to show you a good time around base! Gaz and Johnny walk you through one of the obstacle courses, Simon lets you sit on his back for pushups during the last of his workout. Price takes you to the range and shows you the basics of shooting, then lets you catnap through the adrenaline drop in his office.
Your boyfriend only bothers to find you when Johnny and Simon are teaching you basic self-defense. Your boyfriend scoffs that you’re plenty protected by him, but you point out that he’s away too often to be of any real help — at which point Johnny tags you and bolts before your boyfriend can get all up in arms.
You only recognize that this little hurdle in your relationship has become a chasm when something happens. A big argument with your parents over the phone — you barely even remember what about. But instead of calling your boyfriend afterwards, your first call is to Gaz. (Because you know he’s the most likely to be free and paying attention to his phone.) You’re almost shocked when he picks up on the second ring. Your boyfriend has never answered on the first call.
When you try to explain through poorly-restrained tears, he coos at you to find a warm coffee shop and that they’ll be right there. “They” ends up being him and Johnny, since Simon and Price are locked up in an important meeting. They buy you hot chocolate and pastries while you vent to them, and end up leaving feeling better for once.
But you can’t break up with your boyfriend. Because if you do, the 141 will surely stop hanging out with you, and you value their company enough to put up with it.
At least until you come home one day to find all your little gifts gone. When you ask through a tight throat where everything is, your boyfriend says he was just making space. That you’ve been complaining that you two need a bigger flat, but now he’s solved the problem without wasting money.
You actually raise your voice for once, throwing an entire fit because this. This is the last straw. You storm into your bedroom, slam and lock the door, and call the 141.
A small part of you expects they’ll take his side or something. But nope. Simon soothes you on the other end, that the whole squad will be there in fifteen and to pack your stuff.
You do so while Price takes over and keeps you level. Reminds you of essentials to pack and explains that you’ll be coming to stay at his place, since he’s got off-base housing. It’ll be quiet and cozy and safe while you recover.
Five minutes away, they promise to be right there and end the call.
You could absolutely scream when your boyfriend — ex boyfriend — starts banging on the door. Demanding that you open the door to him. That you’re being over dramatic and blowing everything out of proportion. Using the “your emotional and irrational” line that you’ve heard a thousand times and are just about sick of.
Your heart stutters with relief when you hear the knocking at the apartment door, confused silence as your ex goes to see who it is. You take that moment to slip out, packed suitcase in hand.
You startle a bit at some commotion, round the corner to see your ex’s shirt bunched up in Johnny’s fists, looking ready kill him. No one seems inclined to pull him away; neither are you.
“How are you holding up, luv?” Gaz asks gently as Simon takes your bag.
“Been better,” you admit, sniffling as Price wraps you up in a hug.
“It was just things, luv,” he soothes, “we’ll get you a million more, if you like.”
You pull back to give him a miserable look. “But they were my things and they didn’t have to go anywhere. He just threw them out.”
Johnny snarls something out, but Gaz is already ushering you out the door. You tell your family about the break up through text and then shut off your phone, bundled into the backseat of an SUV with Gaz in the backseat. Price is in the front, all of you waiting for Simon and Johnny to come down.
“What now?” you ask quietly.
“Well, about time we cut that knob loose,” Price muses. “But that’s not your problem anymore.”
“Oh…
“And you, luv.” He looks at you through the rear view. “You get whatever you want.”
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reiderwriter · 3 months ago
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I'm Your Fluffer!
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x female reader (best friends to lovers)
For @imagining-in-the-margins FWB Challenge!
Prompt: "I'm your boyfriend without the benefits." "Do you want the benefits?" "Yes- No... I'm your fluffer!" (Inspired by New Girl) (yes, I suggested this prompt, bo idc if that's cheating)
Warnings: Mentions of BDSM, unprotected vaginal sex, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, choking, mentions of spanking, and butt worship, slight Dom Spencer, bratty reader, creampie. The classics, yk.
A/N: I'm back!!!! I took a break because I couldn't bring myself to even look at a word document for about a month, but there's nothing like a Pom challenge to get me writing again! I did have a lot planned for my 1 year anniversary, but because I was sick, and then busy, and then work got hectic, I had to put it off. I still am going to try to finish my kink bingo Carr, though, even though its a month late, but I had two fics left iirc, and I have both of them plotted, so I may as well! I will, however, be abandoning the final epilogue of I Can't Help Myself, because I wrote myself into a depressed corner with that one, and honestly, some people were getting very pushy about it, and it wasn't fun anymore. Anyway! This one was fun to write, so I'm going to stick to one shots for the foreseeable future, or incredibly limited series.
Masterlist
Spencer was your friend. A good friend. Your best friend, perhaps. A really good, very best friend.
Obviously, you were good friends because he always knew when you were feeling down. He bought you flowers regularly when he passed by flower shops. He came over to your place and helped you build every piece of flatpack furniture you had, which, as a single woman in your mid-twenties, was every piece of furniture that you owned.
You really looked forward to the movie nights the two of you had weekly. The popcorn, the blankets, the cuddling, his lips by your ear, in-time translating the foreign movies word for word as you watched it, the shivers down your spine as you pressed further into the heat of him.
Spencer was the best best friend you could ask for.
He was also the most frustrated.
“Kid, what are you doing this weekend? I'm thinking of hitting some clubs, you know, getting my groove on, maybe meeting A few ladies,” Morgan smirked, rubbing his hands together as he gently moved side to side, already dancing to himself as he anticipated his big weekend out. “You in, or are you in?”
“I can't. I promised Y/N I'd help her with some document digitalisation. We're going to order pizza and watch Star Trek while backing up her entire paper trail.”
The smile on Spencer's face was so stupid that Morgan had to stop himself from wiping it off of him immediately.
“Man, you are so down bad for that girl,” he mused, shaking his head.
“What? Down bad?”
“You like her. It's okay to admit it.”
“We're friends. I'm happy being friends,” Spencer said, picking up his bag and walking to the elevator desperate to escape a repeat of a conversation he'd already had three times that week.
“You know everyone thinks you're dating.”
“Well aware. Despite the number of times we've both stated to the contrary, people don't seem to accept ‘we're just friends’ when they hear it.”
“That may be because you're doing things that just friends don't do.”
“Everything we do is totally platonic.”
“You buy her flowers-
“I buy my mother flowers,” Spencer said, turning on the man and raising his hands in exasperation.
“You know that's different. Do you buy Emily flowers?”
Silence.
“What about JJ?”
“I bought JJ flowers!” He grinned triumphantly until the other man spoke again.
“When she was in the hospital. Giving birth. Okay, what about the movie nights?”
Rolling his eyes, the younger man walked on, pressing the bell for the elevator and allowing his friend to keep bothering him.
“Friends watch movies together, Morgan. We've watched movies together, are we dating?”
“One, you are not my type, pretty boy, and two, you didn't exactly have your dick pressed against my ass the entire time we watched a film now, did you?”
“Be q- be quiet. I don't have my dick against her ass ever.”
“Oh, I'm sorry, was it pressed against her stomach instead? I know she likes to lie on top of-”
“Derek!”
The elevator arrived, and the two quickly jumped in, to Spencer's relief.
“All I'm saying, kid, is-”
“Hold the elevator!” You shouted, running to it quickly with Penelope Garcia on your heels.
“Thanks, Spence!” You said, smiling at him as you entered the small space.
And continued your not too unsimilar conversation with Penelope.
“So, as I was saying Penelope,” you shot her a look that told her you were finished with the conversation. You were not dating Spencer Reid, and you were unlikely to in the future because of his total and complete lack of interest in you.
“You can set me up this weekend, right? It's been an age since I've been on a date, and I would really like to-” you glanced around the elevator and whispered the end of your sentence, suddenly mindful of your company. “You know.”
“If you're absolutely sure, I have a few men in mind that could throw you about, but-”
You squealed and squeezed the woman as the elevator landed on your floor and jumped out of the elevator quickly, cheeks burning.
“Thanks, Pen, you're the best!”
“Y/N, wait,” Spencer called out behind you, desperately holding the elevator open for a few more seconds.
“I thought we were doing your papers this weekend? Star trek, pizza, remember?”
You stared guiltily at the floor as you forced your voice to sound as casual as possible, not sure you could make any excuse that didn't sound pathetic.
“Oh, sorry, Spencer. I totally forgot. We can rain check, right? I… I really need this.”
Spencer was aware of what disappointment felt like, but it never hollowed out his chest like your lack of eye contact in that moment did.
“Yeah. Sure, of course. We can do that whenever.”
“Yeah. Thanks, Spencer. You're the best… friend.”
He smiled and let the door finally shut, aware of the two sets of eyes now watching him.
It took a surprisingly long time for the ‘I told you so’ to come, but come it did, as if Morgan were unable to help himself.
“You're telling me that you're not into her at all?”
“I'm…not into her like that at all.”
“And you're fine with me setting her up on a date with a man that'll do somewhat empowering, somewhat disgusting things with her?” Penelope piled on.
“What? That's…that's not my business,” he ground out.
“No. Of course it’s not. Because you're not her boyfriend.”
“Exactly, I'm not her boyfriend-”
“You're her fluffer.”
With a pat on the shoulder, the elevator hit its last stop, and Morgan exited, leaving Spencer scrambling after him as Penelope waved the two of them off.
“What? No, what's a fluffer?”
Morgan chuckled and waved him off, walking to his car.
“Come on, what's a fluffer, and why am I hers?”
“You've seen porn before, right?” The older man asked, pausing as he opened his driver side door. “Actually don't answer that. The fluffer is the person who keeps the actors and actresses… ready between takes. Prepares them for the good stuff.”
With a bright flush across his cheeks, Spencer tried his best for an indignant look, landing somewhat closer to a petulant child.
“I am not her fluffer. We have never-”
“I know you've never. If you had, we wouldn't be standing here right now having this conversation. What I'm saying is you should.”
“We're friends!”
Climbing into the car and closing the door, Morgan dismissed the younger man quickly, but he wasn't finished.
Knocking on the door, Spencer waiting a beat, then two for it to open again.
“I'm not her fluffer.”
“You build her furniture and cuddle with her. You're doing everything a boyfriend would do, without any of the boyfriend rewards.”
“What rewards?” he gasped, exasperated.
A single look was all the reply he got before Morgan out his keys into the ignition and started driving.
Spencer never made the decision to turn up at your house later that night. He just found himself all of a sudden at your front door on a Friday night, pulling out the key from the plant pot by the front door and letting himself in. Unlocking his shoes, he called out through the apartment, letting you know he was there as he slipped into the house shoes you'd bought him after the first of many movie nights.
“Spencer? We cancelled earlier, remember?” you said emerging from your bedroom, fitted in the tightest dress he'd ever seen you in. He already had no answer for your question, but seeing you like that, getting ready, he had no answer to any question at all. If you'd have asked him his name, he wouldn't have known it.
Well, he would've, but only because you'd said it only three seconds ago and had reminded him that he was, in fact, standing in your apartment when he should've been literally anywhere else.
“Um. I'm…I'm just-” he scratched the back of his neck, waiting for something to come to him.
“Spencer, I'm leaving in like an hour, so there's no time to watch a movie, and I have to get ready, so-”
“I'm… I'm angry?”
You raised an eyebrow at his questioning tone, unsure where this conversation was going.
“You sure about that?”
“Yeah..yes. I'm sure. I'm angry. We, we had plans, and you gave me like an hours notice and cancelled them to go do something stupid-”
“Spencer! I'm going on a date. That's not stupid.”
“It is when you have me!”
He half shouted, half murmured the words, as if he himself were unsure of how confident he was in making that statement.
“That came out wrong-”
“Yeah, I think it did.”
“What I mean is- I mean…Morgan said that-”
You crossed your arms and sat yourself on the arm of your sofa, looking forward at him and waiting for him to get through whatever this was. You hoped the entire time that he was saying what you'd wanted him to say for the last year and a half.
“Have you ever watched porn?”
Not what you were hoping for, but a start, at least.
“Spencer!”
“That came out wrong, I- don't throw the couch cushions at me. I have a point, I swear!”
You lowered your next projectile and gestured for him to go on, not fully relinquishing it just yet.
“I'm your fluffer! I get you…in the mood for dates, and- and- I do all the boyfriend stuff without any of the boyfriend benefits!”
He stood in front of you, red-faced, and you stared him down a second or two as you collected your thoughts.
“Do you…want the boyfriend benefits?”
“Yes! No, wait - wait a second. I- I- What are the boyfriend benefits exactly?”
You threw the pillow down and turned your back on him, not entirely sure what you were expecting from the most oblivious genius on the planet.
“Y/N, wait. Wait-”
With a hand wrapped around your wrist, Spencer spun you around, and, tripping over your feet, you landed hard on your sofa. Your fall should've been relatively pain-free, but for the 6-foot man that landed directly on top of you.
“Get up.”
“What are the boyfriend benefits?”
“You should know if you're saying you want them! Now, get up!”
“Not until you tell me.”
“Spencer!”
“Y/N!”
You groaned and writhed under him, but he just dropped his weight onto you, unmoving, hands pinning your wrists lazily, leg poking between your two, hips pinning yours.
It certainly wasn't the closest you'd ever been, but in those circumstances, during that conversation, you felt more flustered than you had before.
“What are the benefits.”
“You really want me to say? You're not afraid it's going to throw off our friendship, ruin whatever good thing we have going?”
“I think that if you go out tonight, and enjoy your date, and get a boyfriend, that he's going to feel weird about this good thing we have going and it's going to be over anyway. Tell me.”
You desperately searched for a way out of this situation, but a stronger part of you wanted to simply wrap your legs around him and let him take as much advantage as he could.
You settled for disturbing him.
“Fine. A boyfriend would be able to spank me.”
“Y/N, be serious.”
“I am. I like it. A boyfriend would pull my hair back and make me count as he hit my cute round ass until it turned all red, and I couldn't sit down comfortably anymore. A boyfriend would then kiss it better.”
You'd never spoken about sex with Spencer, and you hoped the vulgarity would force him back to his senses. Instead, he didn't stir, and you had no choice but to continue.
“Another boyfriend benefit would be choking me. I like that, too. Are your hands big enough to wrap around my throat, Spencer?”
“Yes.”
The answer came so quickly and do confidently, you weren't sure you actually heard it outlook until he spoke again.
“What other benefits, Y/N?”
“A… boyfriend would get to cum inside me,” you whispered, suddenly aware of hips rocking into yours slowly as his cock poked up, listening intently to the promises spilling from your lips that you likely should've regretted.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I want the benefits.”
Your body was hot everywhere he touched you, but he didn't move, didn't follow through on anything just yet. But you were aware of his head moving closer and closer to yours and panicked.
“And what have you done? As my fluffer? To deserve those benefits?”
“What have I done?” He asked, pulling back an inch. Even as his chest rested, flush against yours, your breasts pushed up against him as his hands held yours over your head.
“I-I bought you flowers-”
“Emily buys me flowers, too. So does Penelope. Should I let them be my boyfriend?”
With your hands in use, you took advantage of his distraction and wrapped your legs up and around his waist, rolling your hips up into him.
“I suppose I do like flowers, though. What else?”
“I… We're always t-together?”
“We work together.”
Using the leverage of his weight against yours, you rolled up harder into his hips, grinding into him slowly as you watched his resolve melt away.
“The m-movie nights are-”
“The movie nights where you rut your cock into me while we watch a movie? Friends do that all the time. You're just translating the movie for me after all.”
“Y/N, please don't-”
“Don't say that? Okay. I'll just let someone else hump against my thighs to get off because you're too proud to admit you want to sink your dick into me and pound me?”
“Y/N-”
“Maybe that's why you don't have the boyfriend privileges, Spencer. Because I'm waiting for something, you're too much of a prude to try-”
His lips meet yours before you can finish the thought, and you're not sure whether it's a triumph or a defeat.
After precisely five seconds of his lips on yours, though, you no longer cared.
Releasing your hands gently, he lifted his hips an inch, distracting you enough to force his tongue into your mouth as his hand found its way between your legs.
“Did you really mean it?” He asked between kisses as you rake your hands through his hair, getting lost in him. “About the benefits?”
You allowed yourself to imagine it for a second, Spencer's hands on your throat. His hands on your ass. His mouth buried between your legs.
You moaned into his kiss, and he laughed - actually laughed - as he pulled away.
“Spencer!”
“No, no, please, don't let me keep you from your thoughts, I'll just be down here.”
His fingers reached your clit and he wasn't surprised to find you already wet, legs spread. Snaking another hand to your neck though, he wasn't exactly as opposed to the ideas you'd flung at him as he'd acted.
You gasped as his hand closed around your neck, the prettiest necklace you'd ever worn. You grabbed a hold of his hands as he pulled your underwear off, pushing them down your legs as he gently pushed your legs open wider and replaced his fingers with his tongue.
You curled up on yourself, craving your body to watch him devour your pussy as you tried your best to keep your breaths shallow, to keep breathing entirely as he squeezed your throat.
His tongue licked and flattened, his head bobbing up and down and then stilling as your hips began moving by themselves, letting you ride his face as you moaned and whined and desperately ran towards your climax.
You wrapped a leg around his shoulder, pressing down on his back to keep him in position, grabbing a handful of hair as you jerked against his face, fucking it as he looked up at you through hooded eyes, drinking down every drop of you.
His hold on your neck tightened, and you felt your body shudder as you squeaked out his name, not wanting this to end so soon, needing to feel more of this. He let you ride it out until you were whining in frustration again, hips twitching from the friction of his tongue against your cunt.
Then he pushed away.
He wasn't gone long, but you followed him up. You thought about pushing him down to the couch again, thought about sitting on his pretty boy face and doing it all over again. You thought of turning over and presenting your ass to him, letting him punish you like you'd promised. Your thoughts ceased as quickly as they came when he pulled his cock free of his pants, not even bothering to pull them off fully before pulling you into his lap, lining himself up, and pushing you down onto his hot, hard, lengthy cock.
You swear you would've screamed if his to guess hadn't already claimed your mouth. A good scream. A “holy shit holy shit holy shit” scream. Definitely a “I didn't know it was that big, and honestly I'm a little scared” scream. But overall, a “god that feels so good” scream.
From the lack of movement, you were sure that Spencer was giving you a moment to adjust to his intrusion, and you were thankful as you clung to his neck, hands balling in the material of his shirt on his back.
Although he was bigger than expected, he wasn't uncomfortably large, and you calmed quickly, giving him a quick nod as you buried yourself in his neck, hiding your face to stop yourself from drooling, mouth wide as he tipped you back against the couch pillows, lifting your legs slightly and slipping his hands underneath yous thighs, and began his steady pace of thrusts.
You were sure your world was imploding on itself, that all your senses had ceased except that of touch, and his touch was fire. But you heard the wet, slutty sounds of your pussy welcoming him, you smelt the sweat against his skin, and, opening your eyes, you saw the absolute pleasure blasted against his features as he groaned in your ear.
And before you could form another coherent thought, he'd claimed another boyfriend benefit, as, rocking his hips against yours, he slowed to a stutter as he emptied himself inside you.
“Spencer!!” you moaned, but he wasn't done, spitting on his fingers and finding your clit again as you squealed, twitching and turning and milling his cock with your movements as you found your second release.
You moaned his name again, though it sounded less like his name this time, and more like a definite noise complaint from your neighbours in the morning.
“Spencer?” you asked, still trying to regain your breath as he, once again, collapsed on top of you.
“Mhmm,” he said, slowly pulling out of you, watching the mess you'd made together drip out too, and resisting the urge to push right back into you and go again.
“Was that a friendly fuck, or a boyfriend fuck?”
His eyes snapped to yours again as you continued.
“I just want to give Penelope the correct reason for cancelling on her friend when I text her-”
“I came inside you.”
“So you did.”
“Y/N!”
“.... So that wasn't a fluffer thing, but a boyfriend thing, got i-”
With a kiss, he shut you up again, and you realized quickly that you probably wouldn't have the time to send that text anyway.
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navybrat817 · 4 months ago
Text
You're a Firework
Pairing: Roommate!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: You're all set to watch fireworks with the gang and Bucky can't keep his hands to himself. Word Count: Over 2k Warnings: Explicit sexual content, vaginal fingering, semi-public sexy times, pet names, inner monologue, established relationship, humor, feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?). A/N: I KNOW it's Steve's birthday, but my muse demanded Stud and Smartie. ❤️ I'm so sorry, lovelies. Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
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“You know,” Natasha began as she handed you a drink. “You and Bucky could've had your wedding today. No one would have objected.”
“With Steve's birthday right around the corner? And take away from Sam’s amazing barbeque? No way,” you smiled, stepping out of the way as Clint walked by with sparklers in each hand. You refused to take attention away from either of them. “I’m glad we’re all hanging out though.”
Today was a good day. Not only was the weather as close to perfect as it could get, not too warm or too cold, it was a chance to get together and mingle since everyone had a few days off. Between the sunshine, food, and games, the gang had a lot of fun. You imagined your wedding reception would be fun, too.
Maybe the two of you could even have sparklers to celebrate, if only to entertain Clint.
“Bucky called you his wife earlier,” the redhead commented.
“He did?” You smiled, your heart swelling.
“He did. When you beat Sam at horseshoes, he looked right at Steve and said, ‘that’s my wife' with a huge smile on his face.”
Yeah, I am. Almost.
You nearly swooned, giving your fiancé a glance as he set his chair by the fire pit. “And that’s my husband.”
Natasha lightheartedly rolled her eyes and nudged you. “Better go and join him then. The fireworks are going to start soon,” she said, heading to her seat beside Clint. The town was shooting off fireworks in the nearby park, but you all decided it was better to hang back. The yard was a great spot to view them and no one had to worry about the crowd.
“Be right there,” you said, shivering as a light breeze rolled in. Sam had the fire going, but you hadn't realized how chilly it was now that it was dark. Grabbing your blanket from your bag nearby, you also realized as you walked over to the gang that there wasn't a place for you to sit. Bucky looked your way with a gentle smile and patted his thigh before you could ask if there was an extra chair available inside. You caught a glimpse of heat in his eyes as you made your way closer.
You loved that look.
“Is that my seat?” You asked.
“This could be your seat.” Bucky pointed at his face as you bit your lip. If everyone wasn’t around, you’d consider it. “But this one might be more comfortable to watch the fireworks,” he added, patting his massive thigh again.
His face. His thigh. Both were incredible places to sit.
“Yeah, comfortable. That’s the word,” you teased, shrieking as he dragged you onto his lap once you were within reach. You were lucky you didn't spill your drink. “Easy, tiger.”
He growled and nuzzled your neck once you situated yourself and placed your drink the cup holder. “This tiger will also keep you warm,” he promised.
“Aww. You two are just the cutest,” Sam said, swigging his beer with a chuckle when Bucky huffed.
“Yeah, we are. And in case you forgot, my girl kicked your ass earlier. Beauty, brains, and brawn,” he boasted. You didn’t have to look back to see the smug smile on his face. “Proud of you.”
I will not get giddy or aroused from that praise.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll get you next time,” Sam scoffed, looking over at you with a smile to let you know it was in good fun. He was a good guy, like Steve. You hoped they each found someone who made them feel the way Bucky made you feel.
“Or she’ll kick your ass again,” Bucky said without skipping a beat.
Oh, boys. So endearing. So competitive.
“Enough of that. Sam, I’m pretty sure I got lucky and I’d love a rematch. Stud, you just concentrate on keeping me warm,” you teased, draping the blanket over both of you. His embrace was always warm. “Surprised we don't have s’mores.”
“Those are for after the fireworks,” Steve said from the other side of you.
You smiled over at him before tilting your head back to gaze at Bucky. You weren't sure if the guys did it on purpose, but they each wore the same tight fitting T-shirt in patriotic colors. They all looked handsome, but your man looked look sex on legs. The love of your life would always turn your head.
“Not for us,” Bucky said, placing a kiss on your shoulder as his hand rested possessively on your hip. “We’re going to bed.”
You giggled and snuggled back against him when the rest of the gang protested. “But what if I want a s'more?”
“I’ll personally make you one and feed it to you in bed,” he half growled.
“You’re really not going to stay up with us?” Steve asked, a knowing look on his face.
“Oh, I’m sure something will get up,” Natasha deadpanned, making everyone laugh. She wasn't wrong.
“On your birthday, we’ll stay up as late as you want. Tonight, we’re watching the fireworks and going to bed,” Bucky grumbled, brushing a finger over your engagement ring. “Unless you really want to stay out here.”
You giggled again. Bucky had to share your attention with everyone all day and was still sharing it now. He was more than ready to have you all to himself. You understood the feeling.
“I’m fine with going inside after the fireworks. We’ll check on the cats and then go to bed,” you assured him.
With everyone drinking, you all decided it was better to crash in the same place instead of going home. Neither of you wanted to leave Alpine or Soot at your place though in case any neighbors decided to shoot fireworks off the roof, so you brought them over. They had a space set up under the guest bed with some white noise to help block out some of the sound. Anything to help put them at ease.
Bucky tilted your chin a bit more to place a soft kiss on your lips, the tension crackling like the fireworks had already started. “Thank you, Smartie.”
“You’re welcome, Stud.”
As if on cue, the show began.
You looked up at the sky in awe as the first firework rushed into the air. An explosion followed by a vivid display of light, they were like rainbows in the night brightening the darkness with color. They were beauty and wonder, a form of art that faded almost as quickly as it was created. Watching with loved ones made it all the more special.
You tilted your head and smiled when you caught Bucky staring back at you. “Why aren't you looking at the sky?”
“Why aren't you?” He teased, bumping his nose against yours. “Besides, I don't need to watch the sky when I have the most beautiful view right here.”
Your cheeks warmed. So did your heart. “You flatter me so,” you whispered, looking back at the sky again.
Bangs, crackles, and thunderous sounds continued to fill the air with the gorgeous display. You couldn’t keep the smile off your face. You almost regretted not having your phone beside you so you could take some pictures.
Though you likely would’ve dropped it when you felt Bucky’s hand move from your hip to under your skirt.
“Stud?” You gasped, quickly looking around as his hand trailed up your thigh. No one was looking your way. They were too occupied with the fireworks.
“Just keep looking at the sky, Smartie,” he said against your ear, your legs opening more as his hand found its prize. “And I'll keep touching you.”
Oh, fuck.
You shivered in his grasp despite the blanket and his body providing more than enough heat. His touch was possessive yet tender and you could feel your body turn to jelly as he rubbed you through your panties. You tried to concentrate on the colors above you, the material damp from his expert touch. And you couldn't stop your heart from pounding in your ears, adding the explosive noises around you.
More fireworks went off, but you blocked out the “oohs” of your friends as he pushed the wet fabric aside. “Bucky,” you whimpered, biting your tongue when he traced a finger along your slick pussy.
“I’ve wanted to touch you all day,” he whispered against your neck, teasing your folds. Your hole clenched before the fingertip even touched it. “I can't believe you’re mine. Keep asking myself how I got so lucky.”
I’m the lucky one.
His finger breached you, making you gasp and grip his arm. His palm pressed against your clit and you couldn’t help but push your hips down, seeking out more friction. You wanted to take care of him, too. Maybe when the two of you went to bed…
Another finger slipped in, curling and thrusting quickly. If you were at home, he’d take more time in taking you apart. He wouldn't stop until you soaked the sheets and even then he might keep going. And he'd make sure you were a quivering mess, mewling and begging for mercy or reprieve.
“Have I told you today how much I love you, babydoll?” He asked, static pleasure coursing through your body as you climbed higher.
Orgasms were a lot like fireworks. Some tumbled slowly in the sky, like a slow fire that coursed through your veins. Others exploded, so large and powerful that you couldn’t keep the sounds of awe in. Then there were small bursts, the ones that got the job done and still felt good.
You wondered what kind of orgasm Bucky would give you tonight.
“I love you, too,” you whispered, colors dancing behind your eyes as you shut them.
You wanted to shout how much you loved Bucky Barnes. You wanted your love for him to burst through the sky like a shooting star. But you didn’t need to put on a show for him to know you were his. He knew you belonged to him.
But you’d still have to try and keep quiet as you clenched around his fingers.
“Please,” you whispered, ready to fall over the edge as his palm rubbed your clit again.
Your head turned and his mouth slanted against yours to swallow down your moan. “Open your eyes,” he whispered, his fingers curling once more as you listened to his command and watched the colors light up his blue eyes. “And come for me.”
Your walls pulsed as the finale began, your cry drowned out by the rapid booms. Your wetness coated his fingers, every nerve cell vibrating as brilliant hues illuminated the sky. The hues swirled in your dizzying head, too. You were flying. Sinking. Floating.
You were a firework.
“Beautiful,” Bucky whispered, guiding you back to him.
Your body stayed lax against his, wishing he didn't have to take his fingers out. “You’re beautiful,” you exhaled, watching him subtly bring his hand to his mouth to taste your release. “Menace,” you added.
This man. I really just let him finger bang me with everyone sitting around.
“Yeah, I am,” he smiled, placing another kiss on your lips as Steve and Sam got up. Natasha and Clint were already up, too, to get more drinks.
If anyone knew what happened, they didn't draw any attention to it.
“Those were even better than last year,” Sam said.
“They were. And now we can have s'mores,” the blonde smiled, stopping to look at his best friend. “I thought you two were going to bed.”
“In a minute,” Bucky said, shifting his hips under yours to let you feel how hard he was. Getting you off turned him on. “Think I need to relax a bit more.”
Yeah, so no one sees you walking around with a raging hard-on.
You wiggled your hips, smiling when your fiancé quietly groaned. “Yeah. Relax,” you sighed, feeling him squeeze your thigh in a warning.
Well, he wanted your attention before and now he had it.
And I’ll make him see fireworks before the night is over, too.
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Stud and Smartie need to talk to my muse and make sure Steve has a good birthday. 🥰 Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
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