#← my Gavilar/Navani tag

[isdalinarhot]

What we know:

Navani is from a “backwater family”

Gavilar and Dalinar grew up in the middle of bum fuck nowhere as fourth dahn people

Dalinar knew Navani before Gavilar

Gavilar and Navani got married, like, the year they started unifying Alethkar

Hypothesis: Dalinar and Navani were childhood friends whose families both encouraged them to play together in hopes of them getting married the second they both became adults. The conditioning worked and by their late teens they had crushes on each other, but Dalinar was too busy Being a Violent Troubled Teen to go hey maybe I should try to initiate a relationship with her (and with his mom dead and his dad incapacitated, nobody was pushing him to do so). Dalinar introduces Navani to Gavilar just because they’ve been friends forever and her not knowing his brother is weird but Gavilar, who never paid attention to Navani as kids cuz when you’re 10 your 6 year old brother’s 6 year old friend is of no interest to you, is a Horny Motherfucker and immediately starts directly unambiguously flirting with her while also not killing any of his dueling partners. They hook up, Navani gets pregnant, they quickly get married, Navani’s parents go “well it’s in the same immediate family, good enough”, and the rest is history

[cosmerelists]

Hey Stormlight Characters, would you fuck your clone?

As sort of requested by @vibingat3am who tagged the Warbreaker version of this post with #I would kill to see this but Stormlight not realizing, perhaps, that I had TRIED and failed to write this with Stormlight many, many times. The honest-to-god problem is...who in Stormlight is straight??

But anyway, I gave it my best shot!

Moash: I don’t want to fuck my clone because that would be gay sex and I’m not gay.

Navani: I’m not gay, but I would actually totally fuck my clone.

Renarin: I’m gay, but I still don’t want to fuck my clone, that’s gross and weird.

Kaladin: I don’t want to fuck my clone because my self-loathing is THAT strong.

Shallan: I’d totally fuck my clone because I want to know if I’m good in bed.

Gavilar: I’d fuck my clone because who would know better how to fuck ME than ME?

Elhokar: I’d totally do all sorts of weird things to my clone that I’d be embarrassed to ask someone else to do.

Adolin: To be honest, fucking my clone has always been my fantasy.

Jasnah: It’s basically the same as masturbating, right? So no big deal.

Venli: It’s not the same as masturbating; it’d be like having sex with your twin. Wrong and bad!

Szeth: I would not have sex with my clone because what if my clone is evil.

Lopen: Not only would I have sex with my clone, I’d probably make a bunch of clones and just get it on with all of them at once  because that’s how pro clone-fucking I am. 

[aesudan-kholin]

man navani... kind of isnt great

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 1)

Me: okay but I don’t remember the back half of WoR, I should really, really finish the reread before starting... Also me: okay, buuuuuuuuuuut................what if I just..............start

[insert evilkermit.jpeg here]

There are a few relevant points of information:

Tags: Megan reads OB and Oathbringer spoilers. (I’ll also have housekeepers on there, like Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive, and Oathbringer, but those first two are the important ones.)

Everything will be under a readmore.

Above the readmore will be the page numbers covered in that liveblog, so you’ll know how far I’ve gotten (and that way, if you’ve read that far you’ll be okay to read the lb).

There's…going to be a lot of swearing? I have learned that I have no control over my language when I get overly emotional and I feel like I’m going to spend a lot of this book overly emotional. I would like to apologize in advance, and while I promise to try to keep my swearing to a minimum, there might be more than a few bad words.

Shameless self-promotion for the previous two liveblogs: WoK and WoR.

I’m pretty sure that’s all the important bits. Enjoy!!

Part One encompasses pages 1-90 (subsequent parts)

*screams quietly into the ether forever*

PROLOGUE

hoooolly shiiiiiiiittt: Eshonai

Please tell me this means we’ll finally learn why the Parshendi killed Gavilar.......

SHE’S SO EXCITED I’M SO SAD I hate knowing what’s happened to her

...the Parshendi...didn’t know about the parshmen? what? the heck?

I’m....baby Esh is so excitable and curious and I.. love her. and I’m so. so sad. that she loses this.

“an indoor privy with running water, a concept she still didn’t understand.” Who does, babe. Who does.

me, every time amaram appears: “fucking asshole. fuck off fckkkk” I just.... hiss like a cat every time his name appears on a page. I hate him. ARGH.

I spelled his name as “aramaram” and had to go correct it I was so upset he was HERE that I forgot how to spell.

“Traitors who had abandoned their gods to be free.” And they FEARED the return of their gods, before stormform and the Everstorm. They feared it--because they were not free... But...stormform isn’t freedom, and their gods are back and....history repeating itself?

Also, the fact that Gavilar took the time to learn her name is very endearing and like... Gavilar was A Good, guys. He tried so hard.

NOOPE NEVERMIND, BAD, ACTUALLY. THAT’S SO SELFISH WHAT THE HECK

“Bring back your evil, destructive, enslaving gods so that we can have our nice, honorable, fighty ones back please.” NO, THAT’S SO DISGUSTING THAT’S SO SELFISH WTH

GAVIILAARRRR. I BELIEVED IN YOU! I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU

WAIT, so he was getting the visions before Dalinar? Did we know this already? That makes sense... it’s very Boromir/Faramir, tbh, but like... what, one died, and Honor was like “welp. guess we’ll try his bro”

wait, okay, so ...the black sphere that he gives Szeth...........what. Esh knows what it is--so it’s some kind of spren. But it’s not the angerspren/hatespren that they bond with for stormform--those are red. So what’s...this one? Voidspren? Are there voidspren? Voidspren to create voidbringers...presumably more powerful than stormform.

I AM CONCERNED.

PART ONE

okay, that map tho; after reading Edgedancer, I’m VERY CONCERNED that there’s an Oathgate to Aimia... I don’t need any more 200-cremlings-in-a-trenchcoat popping up out of nowhere, but thanks anyway

it makes sense that this book stats with Dalinar, but HOW! IS! MY! BOY! WHERE! IS! KALADIN!

Dalinar is so polite tho. saying ‘thank you’ to the Stormfather

Also ONLY SIX DAYS???? AAHH

“It had been a hardy, stubborn lot who had grown in this place.” This is Kholinar: it highstorms nine months of the year, and weeps the other three. Any food that grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so. The only upsides are the pets. While other places have...cats or chickens, we have...cremlings.

(Though Lisa made a good point--are there actually cremlings?? or are all cremlings just...bits of Aimians scuttling about like spy bugs?)

“The queen had gone silent.” I...genuinely don’t trust her, and I’m more inclined to believe she’s radio silence out of a need to save her own damn skin than any other reason.

......somehow I never really thought that Odium would be light...

THE WOMAN HE LOVED

YAASS.

(I have priorities)

They’re being cute. It’s been, like, half a page and I’m just over here making big, cooing noises at them being cute. help.

OH SHIT THAT WAS QUICK

THEY FOUND SADEAS ALREADY AND I AM CONCERN

(tho, I mean...it took them six days to find the body, that’s....actually not really quick. but still.)

OH WAIT NO, OKAY, IT TOOK THEM  ONE DAY WELL SHIT

oh god

Adolin, bby. pls. don’t.... LISTEN, THE FIC I WROTE ABOUT GUILTSPREN WAS A FIC

HI TEFT I HAVE MISSED YOU BUT ALSO PLS CALM DOWN AAAHHHH

this is page frikkin 37 and I’m already dying

I’M SO SCARED OF WHAT IALAI WILL DO. SHE’S GONNA PIN THIS ON BRIDGE 4 I KNOW IT. SHE’S GONNA TRY AND I’M GONNA SCREAM

WHY IS ADOLIN HERE. KIDDO PLS. DOn’T COME BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME I’M

unrelated, but I can’t stop thinking about baby Eshonai basically damning her people to war and revenge to stop their gods from returning and Venli just like...whipping a godling out her pocket like “nvmd, we’re doing this anyway” and like. fuck Venli, tbh.

Back to current events and:

I love Palona.

“steady Adolin and impenetrable Renarin” HE LOVES HIS SONS SO MUCH I’M CRY

“certainly wouldn’t have gone so far as to kill Sadeas themselves” ABOUT THAT

I love that Urithuru has safety railings. like... throwing shade at every big space opera ever.

I still don’t know how I feel about Lopen growing his arm back...

“Our ultimate goal is the preservation of Roshar” Sorry, bud, Preservation is dead...

and also on a different planet.

AAAWWW SNAP! THIRTY-FOUR YEARS AGO! HERE WE GO!!!!

“He didn’t need Shards to intimidate.” Nah, but I bet they help.

tbqh, it’s really, really weird to think of Dalinar fighting not in Shards.

excuse you, that horse did nothing to deserve that.

heheheheh, so much for your nose, bucko

Gooooddddd, Brandon writes battle so cinematically. I want to film this. Gaaaahhh

of...of course punk!Dalinar’s horse is named Fullnight. How deliciously extra of him.

“I tried to kill you!” “from a distance! Which shows remarkably good judgement!” DALINAR, PLEASE. 

Enthusiastic ultra-Gryffindor rambo Dalinar is hilarious

It’s been 50 pages, where’s Kaladin

Sadeas in YELLOW shardplate?? who is he?

Also, ngl, I’m a lil pissed that I still have to deal with Sadeas--even if it’s young, not-quite-so-vile Sadeas. Like......he’s dead! I shouldn’t have to put up with his slimy face anymore!

“What would we do without you?” “Lose.” What an asshole. What a dudebro. I hate how much I love him.

the Thrill concerns me, tbh.

I know that we know it is of Odium, but like. It Concerns me.

THAT WAS QUICK

THE EVERSTORM TURNAROUND??? THAT WAS DISTRESSINGLY QUICK?

I’m sad Dalinar doesn’t get a little spren buddy wandering around with him at all times, because, like. Stormfather. But like. spren buddy.

Now I’m trying to picture the vast and infinite Stormfather just flitting around Dalinar’s head in meetings and making faces at Syl across the table and laughing my ass off.

oh NO not her SAFEHAND

seriously, they. are. so. cute.

“Your stubborn refusal to get seduced is making me question my feminine wiles.” HAAAAHAHA OMG, DARLINGS PLEASE

also, Dalinar, omg, give it up already, bro.

I realize there are like...ecological and climatology implications of the Weepings stopping before they are supposed to, but I can’t help but be glad that Kaladin won’t be suffering for as long as he normally would with the seasonal depression...

WHAT! WAS! THE! BOON! ...unless this is the boon. Unless Dalinar asked for the Nightwatcher to take away the pain of losing his wife and instead she took away his wife... and his punishment is something else.

in which case WHAT! WAS! THE! PUNISHMENT!

“I’d let a confused dishwasher marry us.” I realized belatedly that she meant, like...a person who washes dishes. And not a machine that washes dishes that most people on earth have in their kitchens.

Also, Dalinar and Navani really need to please stop being so adorable, I’m SO HAPPY THEY’RE GETTIN MARRIED AND THE FRIKKIN STORMFATHER IS GONNA OFFICIATE THAT’S HILARIOUS I LOVE THEM

I LOVE THAT THE WEDDING IS LIKE... HIM AND NAVANI AND THE BOYS AND SHALLAN AND A FEW OTHER MINIONS. THIS IS DELIGHTFUL. I LOVE THIS

THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT THIS I DISLIKE

Bridge Four is too important for guard duty! They’re so important! They’ve come so far!!!! I LOVE THEM!!??

she just had a wedding dress just... lying around.

god I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!

...poor Elhokar. “if only we could keep up.” boy has no confidence and no chance to learn it.

NAVANI’S FRIKKIN GLORYSPREN OMG

“What does he remember that I cannot?” Uh...your other wife, my dude. I’m sure this has something to do with how your wife died.

AAHH. HERE HE IS!!!! THE BOY!!!!! MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nooooo. no, kaladin please. you didn’t fail. oh god, no, come on. don’t think like that.

I’m

aaahhhhh

“It felt wrong not to bear the symbol of Bridge Four.” AAAHHHHHHH

I’M

!!!!!!!!!

I’m JUST NOT OKAY

aahh, at least he was properly concerned about the Everstorm filling his spheres with...bad stuff? of some kind? I’m super glad that it didn’t, that it doesn’t, but like. At least he was concerned about it!

hello fronds, I love Syl a LOT

also: covered safehand, that’s hilarious. She’s a real grown up, now!

nooooooooooo

it can’t be all dead

they have to have

someone has to have been smart enough to get a large part of the town into shelter

Kaladin, your dad isn’t stupid, he would have. he would have tried.

(this would be way, way more distressing if I hadn’t been spoiled for the fact that Lirin and Hesina are alive...like...I’d probably be crying right now.)

“How often are you going to make me apologize for that?” Pfffft I mean.

HE GREW UP AND THEY DON’T RECOGNIZE HIM AND I’M

AAAHHH

“Are there wounded” and he just GOES because that’s where his dad would be and he just . goes. to his dad.

I’m crying?

THEY’RE CRYING I’M CRYING EVERYONE IS CRYING

THEY THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD AMARAM FUCKING TOLD THEM HE WAS DEAD AND I’M

THEY’RE

“MY SON IS ALIVE” YEAH HE IS AND HE’S AMAZING AND YOU’RE GONNA BE PROUD OF HIM OH

I’M

AAHHHHHH

I really hate Amaram. A lot.

his mom is a good. and she just keeps her hand on his shoulder like protectiveness and like reassurance that he’s still there and I’m. aaaAAAHH

“For now, he just wanted to be here with them.” GOOD. LET THE BOY REST. LET HIM EAT SOUP AND REST.

“The wrong-way highstorm” I mean...not wrong

“They never got to meet Captain Kaladin” aaAAHHH

I HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONS ABOUT INCARNATIONS OF HUMANS AND I’M

this is a lot

LIRIN OFFERING TO BUY THE WRIT OF SLAVERY IS A LOT I’M JUST

crying

“Perhaps it was time to stop letting the rain dictate his mood. He couldn’t banish the seed of darkness inside him, but Stormfather, he didn’t need to let it rule him either.”

I...have a lot of feelings about Kaladin.

And I have a lot of feelings about how Kaladin and his depression interact and about how he deals with it. And how he’s seen the worst in himself and promised to never let it get that bad again. And how he’s seen that even though it’s a part of himself that he has to keep fighting, keep dealing with, keep understanding, it doesn’t have to be the only thing in him, the only thing in his life, the only part of him that matters. He can have other parts, other important bits of him and his personality. He might always have bad days, but that doesn’t have to be the majority of them. Not if he chooses to be stronger, to try to get better. There’s always going to be depression, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be other things.

It took me a longass time to come to that same realization and I just...am really, really... proud of him? and of myself? and of anyone who has depression who thinks the same way we do? and though I’ve found it to be a smidge disconcerting to have your own personal thought processes spelled out on paper by someone who isn’t you, there’s a comfort in that...I’m not the only one who feels like this, who has these ideas, who makes these decisions about my depression.

Anyway, I really, really love Kaladin and I’m. emotional . and I’m. “He didn’t need to let it rule him either.” No. We don’t. We can deal.

ANYWAY I’M EMOTIONAL ABOUT KALADIN AND IN OTHER NEWS WATER IS WET, FIRE IS HOT, AND THE WORLD IS ROUND.

WAIT. Did Syl.....was she aiming for someone else? “distant yet demanding”. Who else...was she gonna bond with. before Kaladin? My first instinct is Tien, but that...doesn’t fit. One of his men? in his squad? Or before that, Hesina maybe? I’m? ...surely not Lirin...... he’s not. enough.

god, his first thought is that Adolin would be disappointed in fashion heheheheh I love these boys. becoming friends. maybe. hopefully.

KAL PUNCHING ROSHONE IS A++ 100% GRADE A GOOD SHIT

GOD BLESS

AAAAAAHHHHHHH

“That was for my friend Moash” I’M!!!!!!!!!!!! EMOTIONAL!!!! ABOUT MY BOYS!!! AND THEIR FRIENDSHIP!!!!! PERSISTING EVEN THOUGH BAD DECISIONS!!!!

Kaladin’s stubborn refusal to give up on people is. A Lot. EVeRYTHING IS A LOT. THIS IS A LOT

“and for the first time in a long, long while, he was happy with that person.” THAT’S CAUSE YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON THE BEST PERSON AAAHHH

SUMMONING SYL AND “ANY QUESTIONS” AND OHHH MY GOD. that shit’s hot. I’m. hhnnnggggggg

“until he had enough stormlight to fly home.” home. I mean, we knew that “home” wasn’t Hearthstone anymore, but. Dalinar is home. The warcamps, Urithuru. Bridge Four. I...I am so proud of how far Kaladin has come.

“I don’t like the idea of swinging you around, smashing you into things.” “Firstly, I don’t smash into things. I am an elegant and graceful weapon.” HI, I LOVE SYL A LOT

GET IT, LARAL

HECK YE

“That’s a girl I was never going to marry, no matter what happened.” “I like her.” “You would.” I LIKE HER TOO SHE’S STRONG AND CAPABEL AND DON’T NEED NO MAN. GET IT, GIIIRRLL!!!!

I love that Roshar has a Hippocratic oath equivalent. I also have mixed feelings on Lirin’s incredibly strict adherence to his Hippocratic oath equivalent. like..yeah, Do No Harm is one thing. But being self-righteous about it to the point of not wanting your son to fight evil monsters from the void? Take a chill pill, my dude.

NAVANI SPANREEDING HIM PERSONALLY IS A LOT

also, I really have strong feelings about Dalinar generally addressing Kaladin as “soldier” and the responding “Sir.” I know they had a long talk about chain of command, but it’s just. so satisfying that it’s still going.

“Send us a glyph each evening to know you are safe.” GOOD DAD IS WORRIED ABOUT HIS SON AND I’M EMOTIONAL

AAAHHHHH HIS VERY FIRST INSTINCT IS TO HOLD HIS BABY BROTHER I’M!!! KALADIN IS SO GOOD AND LOVING AND WONDERFUL!!!

guys, I don’t know if you know this about me, but I really love Kaladin.

guys, I don’t know if you know this about me, bUT I REALLY LOVE KALADIN.

[puddlejumper38]

I’ve read the chapters of Oathbringer Tor released and I’m going to stick my thoughts under the cut. (In fact, if I post anything Oathbringer related I’ll stick it under a read more + tag it)

So, Oathbringer spoilers below

- Firstly... Shallan. I understand that why ‘I don’t think that’s healthy shallan’ post is going around the fandom. Dammit Shallan, I thought you might be making progress. - Dalinar is my fav Stormlight character, but I also have this thing where I instantly distrust any character who is mean to an animal and his horse died and he didn’t care >:( . I can deal with this better because there’s clearly something wrong with Dalinar when the Thrill is active. - On a similar note I’m now fond of Adolin. - Evi Kholin. Looking forward to finding out more. - Also, this feels like it could be headed for a *gasp* Dalinar killed her moment, but I feel like the twist would be 100% better if she’s actually still alive. Like... a reverse fridge. - I am so happy the Everstorm just woke up the listeners, instead of putting them into storm form. I’m much more comfortable with that. - Young Dalinar is everything I was concerned young Dalinar would be. But at the same time i do still like him. Just... maybe chill a little. - Gavilar in the damn prologue was fucking terrifying. Jesus. Maybe this is just because its Eshonai’s pov? But he was like some supervillain. - Also, wasn’t Navani afraid of him? God I just reread the others and I can’t remember. - Back on the subject of Evi... and Dalinar’s memory. To make a few points:     - Dalinar had forgotten her completely. Couldn’t even hear her name.     - Early memories are now coming back     - What if the curse wasn’t for him to forget Evi     - What if the curse was for him to forget his wife     - Dalinar’s memories started coming back right after he married Navani     - This is not going to end well. - Was not expecting the spren thing - I feel like I was told the copycat killer was two spren under a trenchcoat and I don’t know how to feel about this. - Dalinar better not start trying to conquer people. Please. Stop. Now. - Elhokar... seems to majorly look up to Kaladin. Also, I’ll be shocked if he doesn’t die. Which sucks, because I’d like to see his character development. - I would have been genuinely disappointed if Oathbringer hadn’t been the name of an inworld book.

[isdalinarhot]

stormlight ship/character interaction/whatever as drinks masterlist

(note: bolded are the tags i have actually used on this blog for blacklisting purposes. also credit to jess my friend jess who does not use tumblr anymore for like half of these. also im using x or / instead of & but know that when i am saying these i mean romantic sexual platonic complicated or anything of that nature. ok anyway)

kaladin/adolin: shampoo/chocolate milk

adolin x shallan: hot chocolate

kaladin/adolin/shallan: hot chocolate milk

kaladin/elhokar: room temperature milk

elhokar x aesudan: frozen milk

dalinar/kaladin: chunky milk

kaladin/moash: melted iced coffee

moash/elhokar: half cooked beef puree

sadeas/dalinar: purple dragon jungle juice

sadeas x ialai: bloody mary at 10 in the morning

sadeas/gavilar: battery acid with an umbrella in it

sadeas x navani: laundry detergent

gavilar x navani: really shitty craft beer

dalinar x navani: pulpy drippy orange juice

dalinar x evi: piss

gavilar x evi: antifreeze

ialai/navani: two and a half glasses of wine

ialai/navani/evi: three and a half glasses of wine

navani/evi: chamomile tea

raboniel/navani: strawberry staircase to heaven

sadeas/amaram: listerine

sadeas/dalinar/navani: screwdriver

dalinar/sadeas/ialai: absinthe

[isdalinarhot]

I posted 2,348 times in 2022

That's 2,050 more posts than 2021!

485 posts created (21%)

1,863 posts reblogged (79%)

I tagged 1,540 of my posts in 2022

Only 34% of my posts had no tags

#luke.txt - 433 posts

#purple dragon jungle juice - 164 posts

#mr sexy - 95 posts

#hey look an ask - 44 posts

#ssp - 36 posts

#greatest hits - 26 posts

#tlm spoilers - 23 posts

#renarinposting - 23 posts

#dalinar - 22 posts

#kowt spoilers - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#man it’s weird having enough interaction with my mutuals to have to give a heads up when i’m gonna be gone. haven’t had to do that in years

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I love the absolute zero positive emotions anyone in the fandom has towards Gavilar. Like there are people who really fucking hate Moash but there are a ton of people who love him too (especially on tumblr). All the wlw on my dash wanna get with Raboniel. There are characters that have never done anything positive ever like Sadeas, but at least he’s fun to hate. Gavilar though? Nobody gives a shit about him. The people who have even a smidgeon of opinion about him are like god damn i hate the way he treated Navani and then move on. He is just the boringest guy in the cosmere and what little personality he does have is him being a dickhead

354 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#4

I hope in a modern au Navani’s relationship to technology is like. everyone in the whole extended Kholin family goes to Navani when they have computer or phone questions and sometimes it’s like Renarin having a very specific bug in his laptop that he wants Navani to look at and sometimes it’s Dalinar going gemheart how do I use email

432 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

#3

Kholins ranked by their willingness and ability to carry my groceries on the long walk from the bus stop to my apartment

Gavilar: would carry my groceries but only because he views me as weak and beneath him. He is doing this to exert power and to flex. 6/10

Navani: would take half of my groceries because “it’s fair that way” but my half would be the half with a gallon of milk in it. Fuck off. 4/10.

Dalinar: depends on the era. Blackthorn era Dalinar would carry my groceries to show off his sick muscles. Bondsmith era Dalinar would carry my groceries because the way of kings probably has a parable about Nohadon carrying groceries to Urithiru or some shit. At any rate, he’s carrying my groceries. 10/10

Evi: would carry my groceries in a heartbeat. Would also fall over from the weight in a heartbeat. She’s trying her best though. Love you Evi. 10/10

Adolin: Adolin has the kind helpful attitude of his mother and the giant strong muscles of his father. He is perfectly engineered to carry groceries and I’ll even let him try a banana afterwards. 12/10

Renarin: Renarin would not actively carry my groceries let’s be real but he would take the bags from me for a handful of seconds while I stop to catch my breath. 5/10

Jasnah: Jasnah would give me a lecture on self reliance and not help and I would be like yes ma’am right away ma’am. 1/10

Elhokar: Elhokar would not be any help at all I would be like hey can you carry my milk and he would be like I Must Become A Better King…,, For My People…… For The Windrunner…… and I’d be like ok! It would be very funny though. 2/10

Aesudan: Aesudan would steal my groceries. 0/10

Gavinor is 5. 0/10

465 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#2

what is the zellion sweep. i have no clue what it is. help

lets set the scene. its october 2022. tensions are high in the fandom due to a maelstrom of events. we are all at our wits end. i, personally, am going through one of the worst periods of my whole life for non cosmere reasons. we're all tired. we're fucking exausted

and then. i get an email. from the kickstarter. theres one more stretch goal left to reveal. i wonder who it is? kelsier? evi? elhokar? then i read the email. "brandon said "let's add zellion." we are proud to announce our final miniature will be zellion!"

who. the fresh fuck. is zellion.

i am at my wits end, and so is alanamy the-tumblr-user-formerly-known-as-moash, currently tumblr user zellionsweep. they make some silly posts about who the fuck is zellion. i also make some posts like who the fuck is zellion. alanamy zellionsweep tags these posts #ZELLIONSWEEP as a reference to the #MORBIUSSWEEP meme from a few months back.

from there, the lore begins. i make silly posts about zellion's unrequited love for szeth. i make a post claiming that he and dalinar were once lovers. others assert that he has no bitches, he gets no pussy, he receives no cock. he is bisexual. he is biphobic. he is a menace. he's dating moash now. he's secretly kelsier, no, evi, no, aesudan, no, fused dalinar. he's like the wind, he's everywhere and nowhere. nonsensical headcanons are posted under the hashtag #zellionsweep. tumblr user kaladins-simp-list begins compiling a list of all the zellion lore. it is very inconsistent. we all have our own unique interpretations of the character.

zellionsweep escapes containment and ends up on r/cremposting. i find out how many of my tumblr mutuals have reddit accounts. people start flying dangerously close to post limit. we are fucking insane. we needed this. after weeks and weeks of moashcourse and syladin and mistborn era 2 discussion and the ever looming threat of cosmere adaptations and stress and frustration, we finally get to let loose and clown on brand sand for the stupidest decision he has ever made, which is entrusting us with a brand new guy and not telling us anything about him and expecting everyone to be normal about it.

they still shouldve given elhokar a figurine though.

519 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just know that in a modern au Dalinar sends Kaladin inspirational quote graphics from Facebook because he knows Kaladin has depression and he always sends them with a caption like “Thought of you………… made me smile. 🙂 Life Before Death Soldier………….” and Kaladin thinks it’s genuinely sweet even if the corny quotes do not offer him any solace but the SECOND Adolin finds out about it he’s like. Kaladin you HAVE to send me all of these this is the funniest shit ever

527 notes - Posted April 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[aesudan-kholin]

please just divorce his ass

[aesudan-kholin]

For the ask meme. Aesudan.

cracks knuckles

Sexuality Headcanon: luke you specifically know about the way i interpret this. for the rest of you, straight*

Gender Headcanon: aesudan does not really lend herself to gender nonconformity and for that reason i think she is cis, but i haven't like tried to see all the angles on it like i haven't had late nights or spent more than 10 minutes thinking about her gender in my waking hours. i think if she wasn't cis she wouldn't really know or care enough about it to change how she presents. the dream i had where she was trans notwithstanding because she was one of many including the big man himself

A ship I said with said character: who the fuck ships aesudan like honest to god question. i know there was one person in the aesudan tag like 4 years ago who shipped her with elhokar. one day i will get around to inventing men for her to have affairs with in my little headcanon world or boyfriends pre marriage but those aren't Ships they're just worldbuilding

A BROTP I have with said character: elhokar pre gavilar death... i mean their relationship (IN MY HEAD like i could talk about speculation using knowledge we have about their relationship pre gavilar death but this is just my inner headcanon world where everything is how i want it) is not necessarily Healthy but they do rely on and lean on each other a lot and they do do friend things. so probably that. i've toyed around with lalai (Lalai. not ialai.) and her being besties but i haven't developed any of it

A NOTP I have with said character: elhokar/aesudan. listen i know this might sound like then reading about her in any effect would be unpleasant since they're married but actually its really not cause like. they're so??????????? whatever they are. they're not close like that. elhokar doesn't know her circa oathbringer like At All cuz he's so flabbergasted by all these things that she's been doing for Years. the only scene they have together is them arguing (and in the row prologue navani is briefly like oh look aesudan is talking to elhokar For Once instead of other men). even more than what was maybe supposed to be implied cheating circa row prologue. they just. I DONT KNOW!! THEYRE JUST FUNNY!!! other than elhokar like i dont give a shit if you shipped her with anyone else in the world. i swear i saw someone at one point talk about aesudan/jasnah and i laughed my head off but like if it floats your boat man!!! WAIT I DO HAVE ONE MORE THING callout post to my tomodachi life save for trying to get dalinar and aesudan together like 3 times

A random headcanon: she internally promised herself not to let elhokar name their child after he named his horse Vengeance. also she draws Stylized Art like she's the kid in middle school art class who gets told to stop drawing anime by the teacher and she goes "No 🖤" and keeps turning in "referenced" pictures of anime guys for every assignment. but she's on roshar and anime doesn't exist so basically she draws but she just didn't start with the fundamentals so her drawings look Cool but also Off like in the anatomy or whatever. but elhokar who likes art but doesn't have a Refined Eye for it goes crazy for it since everything else he sees is realism

General Opinion over said character: thats a big question. she is Bad and i will be the first to point out her flaws because i know all her sins that have been talked about. i love her though cheer every time she's on screen or mentioned like YES!!! CAUSE PROBLEMS!!!! i dont think i need to elaborate i trust that you guys understand and/or comprehend liking a character without condoning their actions. i like that i basically have her to myself because while some people in the world also give a shit about elhokar, no one gives the shit about aesudan. im the only mf out here as far as im aware, and i have scowered internet spaces for people talking about aesudan. i have this message i wrote from march 2021 which haunts me which reads "i wonder if anyone out in the world genuinely cares about aesudan". its you. you do.

[aesudan-kholin]

Blog tags (to be updated periodically)

Character tags:

Jasnah - favorite heretic

Navani - elhokar apologist no.1

Gavilar - daddy issues

Dalinar - uncle issues

Adolin - unnamed adolin tag

Renarin - gay cousin

Evi - unnamed evi tag

Shallan - lightweaver solidarity

Kaladin - the hero

Syl - unnamed syl tag

Aesudan - unmade magnet

Gavinor - son boy

Moash - an ancient singer's name

Hoid - so true jestie

Design - gay gay homosexual gay

Sunraiser - internal screaming

Vengeance (the horse) - vengeance

Relationship tags:

Kaladin and Elhokar's relationship - room temp milk

Jasnah and Elhokar's relationship - sibling content

Aesudan and Elhokar's relationship - heteronormativity go brrr

Hoid and Elhokar’s relationship - kinglebells

Event tags:

Elhokar almost getting crushed by a chasmfiend - fail elhokar almost getting cringe crushed by a chasmfiend

Drunk Elhokar - storms elhokar

That time Elhokar imprisoned Moash's grandparents - the roshone affair

Elhokar's death - died as he lived (like a dumbass)

Other tags:

Vibes - Elhokar vibes

Me - mood

My posts - self explanatory

Rb - self explanatory

Ask - self explanatory

Art - my art

roshar island - about my tomodachi life save

Bros - my interactions with the bros

Unnamed discord tag - discord screenshots and the like

Long post - self explanatory

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 5)

whhooooooo there’s still so much left, but I’ve come so far?? I’M !! THERE IS SO! MUCH! HAPPENING! IN ! THIS! BOOK!

Part 5 encompasses pages 326-394 (previous parts)

INTERLUDES 1

fucking. Venli? really? I don’t want to be in her head. I don’t want to know.

anyway! NEW PEOPLE FIRST:

“Puuli the lighthouse keeper” I LOVE THEM ALREADY

“Kelek himself had broken apart the land in the middle of a storm” I...Kelek? really? are you sure? Aren’t most of the Heralds busy being...not here?

Listen, Alyx told me that we’d seen all ten Heralds somewhere over the course of the series so far, and armed with this knowledge I have squinted at every single new character like “are YOU a crazy person who is sort of a god? are YOU a crazy person who is sort of a god?”

I’m pretty sure none of them have been crazy people who are sort of gods.

But I’m keeping my eyes peeled anyway.

I RELATE TO THIS ARDENT LADY BECAUSE I, TOO, WOULD LIKE TO BE LEFT ALONE IN PEACE AND QUIET AND VERY VERY LONELY SOLITUDE TO READ MY SMUT FIC.

“What was that you’re studying?” “Important works.” Obviously. Trashy romance novels are the HEIGHT of important works.

ROSHARN LINGUISTICS IS REALLY COOL.

it’s a trashy romance novel; of COURSE there’s a sequel.

tbqh, Venli, I’m not sure what you expected. “You should be taking orders from me.” Uh huh. Sure. You summoned a hatesprean that your people literally went dullform to escape, and you didn’t think you were going to be ordered around by it?

YOU KNEW YOUR GODS WERE EVIL WHY DID YOU THINK THAT SUMMONING THEM WOULD SAVE YOUR PEOPLE

nooooo

Eshonai please. don’t be dead. you’re the best of them, just...don’t

aaahhh

wow, that’s. a lot of information okay. um. Spren of redemption? yeah, I’ll believe that when never. The parshendi ANCESTORS? are in charge?? in charge of what? the spren? the voidbringers? the changes? the storm?

also Venli is KIND OF AN ASSHOLE and I mean, we knew this already but this kind of power-hungry selfishness is. really unfortunate in a person.

ooh. different spren? save Esh please? maybe? I LIVE IN HOPE.

PART TWO

what

BRIDGE FOUR gets a pov?!!!!!!??! MY BOYS!!!??!?!?!? AAHH

BHAHAHAHA I ALWAYS FORGET HOID’S REAL NAME IS A STUPIDLY RIDICULOUS STAR WARS NAME I Love it

how come we don’t get Navani’s reaction to her daughter just magically appearing back from the dead

I want the Navani-Jasnah reuinion scene. I’ve been robbed of good mother-daughter content.

“Storms. She was perfect.” Every. time. I love it. I love how super bi Shallan is and how desperately in love she is with two very different Kholins. What a good.

god bless Jasnah “Every Moment is a Teaching Moment if You Try Hard Enough” Kholin

you know, I’m also been robbed of Jasnah and Hoid’s Road Trip Adventure. I’m sad.

omg it’s so weird for Jasnah to be the one who’s a step behind.

AAHH JOINT VISION TIME YO this’ll be fun

oooohh the Stormfather does care. he has an imagination and everything.

bahahaaha Dalinar. How many times has he witnessed all these visions and he’s still a doofus when it comes to fitting into them.

OOOHH SUMMONING ARMOR THAT’S COOL!! Can they do that nowadays?? 

“they moved on all sixes” like yeeeeppp right, most stuff on roshar has six legs but that’s a wild variation on all-fours and suuuper jarring for a sec

hi, yeah, I love Fen a lot. petition to keep her.

also her assuming that Dalinar was working with the Voidbringers: not unreasonable considering the last few months of him possibly going crazy or not. like...she’s got reasons to be suspicious.

OMG THE ART FOR THE HEADER FOR BRIDGE FOUR AAAAAHHHHHH

SIGZIIIIILLLLL omg. Having panic dreams about messing up tests. I love him???

he’s SO OFFENDED THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO QUEUE I LOVE IT

hold on I’m changing my queue tag to “I’m Azish, I know how to queue”

BLESS. AFRO!SIGZIL

LOPEN EATING BREAKFAST ON THE CEILING WHAT A NERD

I HAVE MISSED THESE ROWDY BOYS

“Where was Teft? They actually listened when he gave orders.” MY BOYS ARE DUMB NERDS AND I LOVE THEM

what’s the “other thing”? Where does Teft disappear to? what is happen. why does Kaladin not know about it, but Sig does?

dear. god. I’m.

of course he does morning push ups. without his jacket on.

I’m

hhhnnnnngggggggggg

#priorities

I LOVE MY DUMB BOYS

LOOK AT THEM ALL GETTING MARRIED AND COURTING AND GETTING LUNCHES DROPPED OFF BY THEIR WIVES AND LOOK AT THEM BEING REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL LIVES AND I’M SO PROUD OF THEM THEY’VE COME SO FAR I LOVE THEM

also I adore that the only "problem” about Drehey being gay is that Sig thinks he’s gotta fill out forms, and that the indication is that in Azir, the forms go both ways. That’s. so refreshing and lovely and. Good job, Brandon! I’m so. this is A Good.

“Master Hoid” is a fucking hilarious juxtaposition of terms.

Kaladin’s desperate insistence that they won’t lose any more people is endearing and also terrifying because you just know someone is going to die and he’s going to be so upset and I’m going to have to drive back to Utah to yell at Brandon personally for making my boy suffer.

Can Lyn join Bridge Four? If we’re recruiting, can we recruit her?

BLESS. TWO SENTENCES LATER “How would you like to join the Windrunners.” GOOD YES EXCELLENT

me, anytime they even mention Moash: *long keening noises of despair and pain* 

Kaladin didn’t teeeeellll theeeemmmmmm he didn’t tell them what Moash did he didn’t tell them Moash hecked up and betrayed them he didn’t want then to be mad or to hate Moash I’M UPSET NOISES FOREVER

ohhhh my god.

Kaladin. Please.

Using the royal treasury’s emerald grain reserve to practice Radianting is DELIGHTFUL and HILARIOUS and also TERRIFYING OMG I LOVE IT THAT’S PERFECT

God, I love these boys.

Evi calls Dalinar “beloved” and I’m emotional

He doesn’t deserve her.

oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He didn’t kill the kid.

He didn’t--I... I doubted him. I thought--so caught up in the Thrill, I just ASSUMED, BUT here were the seeds. The idea that the Blackthorn wasn’t quite as horrible as he could have been. Which makes the changes later so much more plausible.

god, she’s so proud of him. I love her?

Gavilar can fuck right off, tbh, oh my god.

YAASSS, ROCK POV OMG

LUNAMOR

THAT’S SO PRETTY

“I want everyone on this plateau glowing like they swallowed a lantern.” that there’s a decent David Charleston metaphor.

WHERE! IS! TEFT! I’m so worried about him.

I love that they salute Dabbid.

I love them.

I love Bridge Four. I’m not sure if you guys know this about me.

LOPEN PLEASE. “Did you stick yourself to the ground?” “All part of the plan, gon.” IS IT THO, DARLING?

KALADIN TRYING TO TEACH HOBBER TO BREATHE IN STORMLIGHT SO HE CAN HEAL HIS LEGS IS SO GOOD KALADIN IS SO GOOD I’M

crying

“I now have to either promote him or push him off the side of the plateau.” “Promote him? to what?” “Airsick lowlander. Second class.”

HELLO, FRONDS, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU ARE AWARE, BUT I! LOVE! BRIDGE! FOUR! SO! MUCH!

I...they saved the bridge.

I love that Rock bows to and respects even the spren he can’t see. Also I get the feeling that no one really ever sees Glys, except Renarin. Which makes...sense, in a weird way? I guess...’cause they are both so quiet and reserved. Or we assume Glys shares that with Renarin. It seems right though, if that’s true.

Also, Rock making work for Renarin, just so he can be included, which is all he wants is A Good. Rock is an extremely observant fellow, once he puts his mind to it, isn’t he?

Rock is really, really good at making people feel better. And he knows exactly what people need. Skar is a teacher, so he gives him the opportunity to teach. Renarin needs a confidence boost, so he tells him not to see himself as a flaw, but as a person. Rlain needs company, so he sends Renarin to him. He’s very good at manipulating people into making themselves feel better. It’s really delightful.

HOBBER!!!! HOBBER GOT IT!!! THEY’RE ALL JUST GIVING HIM THEIR GEMS THEY DON’T EVEN HESITATE THEY’rE JUST

I’M CRYING I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY ARE ALL SO DAMN GOOD

you know what, fuck Sadeas.

OH MY GOSH

OOOOOHHH

ROCK’S FAMILY!!!!! IS HERE!!! THERE’S KIDDOS!!!!!! I’M!!!!! OH MY GOSH

HER NAME IS SONG AND THEY ARE CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS AND I’M CRYING AGAIN

they are SO GOOD. honoring their bridge for its last run. the last one. That’s...almost incomprehensible, but YEAH! They fly now! what do they need a bridge for! (a bridge four. hah) But the still...they honor it. It saved their lives. It was all they had. Of course it gets one last run.

aahh, I love Bridge Four so, so much.