#← it’s technically supposed to be a book playlist but. a majority of the songs are modern so i feel obligated to tag 2020 LMFAO

[digyoman]

i don’t think i’ve ever shared my lloyd playlist on here…. perceive this culmination of an intense hyperfixation and questionable music taste!

[cnroth]

Fanfic Q&A

I was tagged a long time ago by @curator-on-ao3 and meant to do this later when I had time, but then I forgot. More recently, I was tagged by @strkamand, which has prompted me to actually do it this time haha. So thank you both!! 🩵 😘

1. Why do you write fanfic?

Short answer: Cuz it’s fun!

Long answer: I started writing fanfic in 2016 because I had spent the last year and a half clawing my way back to some semblance of sanity after a really shitty time in my life. We got Netflix for the first time and I found my favorite childhood show—Star Trek: Voyager. It was like a warm blanket in the cold.

I still remember playing Star Trek on the playground with school friends, inventing stories of ourselves as original characters on Voyager, and suddenly I had the thought—what if I actually did it? Made an OC that was actually complex and fleshed out and stirred her into the mix? Added more representation of mental health issues to the show? I also applied for grad school around this time with the goal of eventually working in the mental health field.

So I dusted off my old creative writing skills and began making fanfic as a way to share my ideas with other fans, explore ships and characters I thought were interesting and/or underdeveloped, or just enjoy playing with my favorite dolls while processing my own experiences, as well.

And here I am now, eight years later, still doing just that.

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

This is a complicated question, because the answer is and has always been the very first story I joined the fandom to share, and one that took me years to tell—the Far From Their Bones series. Technically, it is finished.

That being said, I may-or-may-not currently be working on something closely related to that… 👀

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

I honestly can’t think of anything I’d say. I think that my fanfic journey, bumpy as it may have been, was what I needed to go through to become the writer I am today.

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

I rarely check them. Honestly, I post so rarely and a fair amount of my stuff is niche stories few people are interested in reading, my stats are probably shit anyway.

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

The closest thing to an answer for this question is I suppose J/C. I used to be fairly prolific in that ship, but the community for that ship was eventually taken over by a few toxic people who manipulated other participants (especially newer ones) into a very narrow idea of what was acceptable as a J/C fan and shit-talked people who fell outside of that, and I ended up deeply burned. It took out my ability to read or write J/C for a long time. I’ve dipped my toe back in here and there since then, and I won’t say I’m done with that ship forever, but it definitely was a major pain having to grieve the loss of a ship that had brought me so much joy.

6. What motivates you to write?

Usually random story ideas that pop into my head when I’m trying to fall asleep at night.

Also, comments can sometimes prompt me to write more.

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

I think that’s mostly explained above already. Someday, I might finally write the Hunger Games fic I’ve had in my head for many years, as that series of books/movies was also instrumental in my trauma recovery, but for now Star Trek: Voyager (and occasionally other Trek shows) is where I’m comfortable and inspired.

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

There are two strategies I use most often to deal with this:

One, making playlists of songs that fit the story in some way, whether through the lyrics or even just the vibe. Then I listen to that on repeat to help drive me into my other strategy, which is…

Two, I use imagery to develop compelling scenes in my head, mentally watching them and shaping them until I feel like I can write them down—even if they’re incomplete. In the end, I may end up dumping the scene, or changing it, or writing the most inspiring scenes first and filling in the gaps between them later, but ultimately the goal is just to get myself moving again.

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

Comments prompt my brain to make more dopamine and serotonin. As a mentally ill person with a neurodivergent brain, that is HUGE.

I do my best remind myself that I’m writing fic I want to read, and that can often mean not many other people will want it like I do (or have the time to actually read it), but in the end getting comments lets me know I’m not alone and that my exhaustive efforts in creating fic are appreciated.

It’s also just like fucking Christmas morning when I see that email from AO3. Like, massive mood booster.

I also would like people to know that comments have, more than once, given me ideas and/or energy to write more.

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

Not that I can think of 😊

I have no idea who has already done this, and most people I know who write have been tagged by the ladies who tagged me. If you have already done this, tag me in a comment on your post or something so I can read it!

And if you haven’t done this yet, consider yourself tagged!!

Let’s see ummmm @gijane-7702 @seema-unbound @cheile @caladeniablue @theredheadedcaptain @70thousandlightyearsfromhome anyone else who wants to join 🩵

[tangents-within-tangents]

Poor Arthur, his true love is alive again before his eyes but she is not who she was “I had all and then most of you some and now none of you.” “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you. Oh, take me back to the night we met” Yeah describes their tragic story pretty well :(

(fun fact this is the song that started this whole long af playlist)

…….I’m sorry

Tone shift, lol... Enter Jonathan and Mina Harker! This nerdy-ass dream team is on the case! Transcribing and compiling everything we know about these spooky happenings (and putting it all in chronological order, my kindred spirits lol). The gangs all together!

Also just love to hear "A friend of a friend, is friends with a kook" as "A friend (Seward) of a friend (Lucy), is friends with a kook (Van Helsing)" and hence the Harkers are brought into the squad lol

“What can I give that is all for you? This heart’s no good for it’s split in two. What can I give that is all for you? These arms are all I have. But I’ll hold you like I do love you”

This one is for when Arthur receives some “woman’s sympathy” and comfort from Mina. Honestly a sweet moment. (Obviously not suggesting any romance between them, just her motherly care and his brotherly promise)

This one represents the war room scene where Van Helsing gives a crash course on vampires' abilities and weaknesses. Liked the vibes too

Off we go to cleanse the count’s earth boxes with sacred wafers (this one is kinda interchangeable, solely for the title)

Originally I added this one as some epic music for when the whole squad is all together, which is still true. But the second half of the title shows how keeping Mina in the dark caused some major problems…

Title and vibe fit the ‘baptism of blood’ scene, which for me is probably the scariest and most heartbreaking thing that happens in the book. Plus I think the lyric “Identical words, how they feel brand new against different time frames” fits the way Dracula twists quotes from the Bible

Rest in peace, Renfeild. Honestly his story is so tragic

“Poor Mina told me just now, with the tears running down her dear cheeks, that it is in trouble and trial that our faith is tested—that we must keep on trusting.”

I originally had this one more toward the end but realized it was a lot sadder in tone. This is for Jonathan comforting Mina and both of them looking for hope after these pretty traumatic events. “Night has always pushed out day” “And I took you by the hand and we stood tall” “But there will come a time you’ll see, with no more tears” Yeah you get it

Yeah this is here solely for the line “put white into your hair” Good ol gothic tropes lol, looking strong Jono!

(but also can we talk about how he didn’t technically witness Mina’s assault himself so just hearing about it and worrying about her is what stressed him out so much his hair went white?)

Yeah another from the Many Beautiful Things soundtrack with a fitting vibe and title, I know I know. I included this for one of my favorite moments:

“And oh, Madam Mina, my dear, my dear, may we who love you be there to see, when that red scar, the sign of God’s knowledge of what has been, shall pass away, and leave your forehead as pure as the heart we know.”

oops made myself tear up (this book is so good oof)

Yeah I know I'm not the only one to connect this song to the Harkers, it is just perfect

“To one thing I have made up my mind: if we find out that Mina must be a vampire in the end, then she shall not go into that unknown and terrible land alone. I suppose it is thus that in old times one vampire meant many; just as their hideous bodies could only rest in sacred earth, so the holiest love was the recruiting sergeant for their ghastly ranks.”

THIS MAN! Ugh! But yeah: “If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I’ll follow you into the dark”

This is one of my favorites on this playlist. It's for Mina as she deals with the lasting effects of Dracula’s attack

“Devil take your claws out of my brain, your lies are driving me insane. Stop sending all my friends away, for you I’d never end my days” (Side note I really love how Van Helsing tells her she must live on, to not let Dracula win, it’s just really sweet and inspiring) “Every second I’m breaking, my whole world is shaking” “My own self betrayed” “Devil take a hint and let me be. You rot in me till I can’t breathe. You shatter every part of me”

Yeah you get the point (also shout out to Sobi bc I love this and all of her songs)

Mina can spy on you back Dracula you s.o.b!

Lol I’m not sorry. Look that’s all she sees every single time she uses the telepathic hypnosis thing, he’s basically trolling

Good thing Mina has a big fat brain she can track you down with anyway sucker (lol pun)

“You forget…that I am the train fiend” !!!!!!!

Need I say more? I considered the “I like trains” song bc funny but I really love the vibe of this one, fits along with one of my favorite images, which is sleep-deprived, white-haired Jonathan just sitting in the corner sharpening his big-ass knife.

"It's many hundred miles and it won't be long" I just think it fits for this part of the book as the crew travels and waits in anticipation

Another one of the playlist og’s lol. Fits amazingly to basically the whole plot but especially to this part as they hunt for Dracula. (I’m actually working on an animatic but that will be a while lol)

Quincey!! Got!! HORSES!!!!

Look it’s just dang good cowboy music, and if we count the ghost of Lucy we do have a band of seven! (While I love this soundtrack, I'd prefer “The Attack” from the Quigley Down Under soundtrack bc the tone is better fitting to the intense chase (and for excellent featuring of banjo) but alas it's sadly not on Spotify)

I know people think the final showdown is anti-climatic but you gotta remember, it was a chase not a fight. A race against time bc as soon as the sun set Dracula would just turn to mist and get away, this was their last chance

Rest in peace, Quincey P. Morris

You were just too cool to survive.

This is both for when Mina’s scar disappears, a beautiful moment with matching imagery:

“The sun was now right down upon the mountain top, and the red gleams fell upon my face, so that it was bathed in rosy light.”

and for

“Seven years ago we all went through the flames; and the happiness of some of us since then is, we think, well worth the pain we endured.”

Our heroes made it through and now it is time for them to heal

“Lift up your head, break down the walls

Don't stop pushing 'til they fall

At first the sun might hurt your eyes

But soon you'll see the beauty in the light”

Yeah it’s kinda cheating because I’m just stealing the emotional context of The Adventure Zone. But again, it just fits! The soft, peaceful, bittersweet epilogue. The well earned happy ending. To me, Jonathan’s final note is the most important part of the book. It shows us that the characters truly did win because they were able to live on and find happiness. Gah I really can’t read it without tearing up

“We want no proofs; we ask none to believe us! This boy will some day know what a brave and gallant woman his mother is. Already he knows her sweetness and loving care; later on he will understand how some men so loved her, that they did dare much for her sake.”

Welp there you have it. Thank you for coming on this journey of overthinking with me. If you stuck around for that whole thing, well good for you I guess. And if no one sees this and I’m just talking to myself, well good for me lol

Since there aren't spoilers anymore I figured I drop my great big chronological, overthought, sometimes deep, sometimes irreverent, oddly specific, book-accurate Dracula playlist

I’m actually surprised at a lot of the stuff I was able to find lol, though it definitely reflects my own taste and interpretations of the novel. Most of the songs are self explanatory but some are more vague so if anyone’s interested I’ll walk through my reasoning in reblogs

[fernlessbastard]

1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15, 17, 19, 21, 23 for the ask game :)

-🪶

Here’s the ask game post

1. 

quackbur.

quackbur.

quackbur.

quackbur.

(lmao i guess there's also that one xdnf oneshot-- i might rework it and post it some day, actually, idk, I won’t push it onto you guys)(also yes technically there’s more quackbur wips than losing face--)

3.  Most of all, I'd say the things you can do with language. I love playing with it, painting pictures with different words and phrases - surprisingly, the chance to show someone else my ideas is actually secondary. Again, for me, it's all about the things you can do with language

5.  Emersion. I hate it when a story is technically good, but the way it's written makes you simply a listener, someone completely outside of the story. I think it's important to make the reader feel like they're actually living through it themselves in some kind of way.  (also really quickly, I honestly hate the way people use things such as “the taller male”, I just, ughh, use “him”, or  “the other”, or just person’s name??? this isn’t meant to discourage anyone!!! just, idk, perhaps try out using something a bit different.  In the end, art is subjective)

7.  That's a hard question, honestly.  If i had to cose a couple, definitely "The Song of Achilles", as well as "Good Omens".  Additionally, not books per se, but certainly Oscar Wilde's works, as well as Sappho's poetry.

9.  Ahh, another hard question.  I honestly don’t now.  I definitely want to work on my usage of language, and make it a lot more flowery.  Idk

11.  I’ll go with Losing Face, I suppose, and I’ll give you lot more, because brainrot: “Masochism Tango”(like, really), “When somebody needs you”, “This is love”(air traffic control - might make a post on this one, because fucking hell, it fits quackbur so well), “I found”.   Now, cry, as you await the copious amount of angst I have planned.

13.  UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH dude tf do I say here???? Well, what I always try to do, is be actually a bit vague, and focus more on making the reader relate in some way to the feelings and emotions of the characters, so that they themselves can imagine the specifics, instead of me jumping in, breaking the emersion, just to explain what’s happening? i really don’t know

15.  I have like 3 major ways i write

I start writing, write out the whole chapter, and then go over it, changing shit completely (if i take longer breaks in between, I’ll edit the already existing parts, before I start adding more)

When I struggle, I write own a challenging part, read it over, take a break, and then open a whole new document, and blindly rewrite it. (having it all down and and somewhat sorted out makes it a lot easier to focus on the writing itself) (I actually did that like 3 times with chapter 3 of losing face)

sometimes I get ideas, and I’ll write out vague plans (ranging from like 1 sentence, to like 600 words), and later I just expand on them.

in general, for Losing Face (my first actal project that’s being realised) I have at least a vague idea written down for chapers in advance, so that’s point 3 i guess

17.  I’ll be honest, I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean - I just kinda write--

19.   As I said, Losing Face is the first project I’m actually going through with, and so far I have at least an idea written down for what the chapter’s theme is well in advance

21.  Probably giving them believable reactions to shit and all, as well as having them stay in character.  Also making sure they aren’t one-dimensional

23.  Probably music - I have a special playlist for writing.  But also taking inspiration from real life, to a degree, and obviously, watching streams and all

Sorry that took quite a bit to answer, but I hoped to give a good reply

[alovesongshewrote]

Almost A Thousand Years | Hisirdoux Casperan Headcannons

a little odd, but still fun to do.  Also, I threw in some fun facts because headcannons are hard

Taglist:  @furblrwurblr​ @rainningdoom​ @fluffydmonkey @blondie0458​ @sitherin-mxschief​ @jinxedleo​ @douxiesdamsel​

HEADCANNONS

(Y/N) had a slight Irish accent back in Camelot  (she hung out in Ireland pre-Gunmar.  It faded over time.)

It’s never specified, but the colour of her magic is red, because blue and red is the colour scheme of all good ships  (jk, jk)

(Y/N) still has the good doctor’s plague mask

(Y/N) and Douxie share clothes.  She’s cold?  She wears his hoodie.  It’s too bright out?  He borrows her sunglasses (they’re heart shaped)

When they get time, Douxie, Zoe and Archie take it upon themselves to introduce (Y/N) to 90’s/2000’s culture.  This ends with excessive amounts of G-noting between the three humans, much to the annoyance of Archie

Despite using an enchanted sword most of the time, (Y/N) is a decent shot (you had to be in the war :/ )

Speaking of swords, (Y/N) has two that she uses over the course of the fic, and one of them is only a technicality.  There’s the sword that got stuck in Bular, and the one she uses for most of Trollhunters.  She switches back after Jim kills Bular, allowing her to get her sword back

AND SPEAKING OF TECHNICALITIES, (Y/N) doesn’t consider herself one of Merlin’s apprentices since she was supposed to be spying on him during that time

There are probably a few meetings between Douxie and (Y/N) that were skipped in this fic.  Can you blame me?  I have to cover almost a thousand years of these two flirting

Speaking off, there may be a few extra chapters released after AATY ends, and that doesn’t include the Trollhunters stuff

While Douxie is better at fighting monsters, (Y/N) is better with demons

Both (Y/N) and Douxie mix lingo from different time periods a lot more than you see in this fic

Jeff Goldbum and the other immortals are still betting on (Y/N) and Douxie.  Spoiler alert, Jeff wins the bet.

(Y/N) would fight literally every anti-vaxxer if Douxie didn’t stop her.  He only does this because fighting so many people would probably get (Y/N) sent to prison

These two share the same brain cells and half the time Archie has custody of the cells anyways 

When things calm down, (Y/N) teaches Douxie a bunch of healing spells because our favourite emo gets himself hurt a lot more than (Y/N) and it’s starting to worry her

Both (Y/N) and Zoe keep a stock of canned fish for Archie, (Y/N) has kept hers since the Jack the Ripper case, Zoe has kept hers since the early 90s

After they start living together, they become couple goals and it’s very soft (but you knew that already)

Post moving in together, Douxie will make (Y/N) her favourite tea whenever she’s sad.  

Both of these nerds are eternally sleep deprived

After the 20s-40s (Y/N) doesn’t drink much

The amount of books in either of their living spaces is a gosh darn fire hazard

(Y/N) and Archie are and always have been bros, even if (Y/N) and Douxie aren’t getting along.  Same with Zoe

Zoe was half serious about asking (Y/N) out in the 80s.  She would do it just to get under Douxie’s skin, but also, you’re a cute doctor???  Who kicks ass???  Who wouldn’t date you, honestly

Magically, Douxie is stronger, but (Y/N) is obviously the better healer 

Despite (Y/N)’s sass usually sent in his direction, Merlin approves of her and Douxie being together

The bond between (Y/N) and Douxie is usually more of an annoyance than anything

“HOW DO YOU KEEP RUNNING INTO DOORWAYS???”

“I DON’T KNOW!!!”

It is nice to know that you have someone out in the world though, and for that, they are thankful

Idk about you, but in my own personal opinion, (Y/N) is either Ravenclaw or Slytherin.  Overtime, that changes a little, she leans more towards Ravenclaw, but as a kid she was hella ambitious.  Street urchin life does that :/

Douxie is probably a Hufflepuff

Mandatory Fuck JKR

(Y/N) is an ominous texter.  It’s hilarious

Both of them prefer rainy weather (that means kisses in the rain!!!!!)

These nerds simp for each other and I love it

FUN FACTS!!!!!

Parts of AATY are vaguely based on songs from waitress (‘you matter to me’ and ‘bad idea’)

I wanted to include more side characters through time, but it never really happened.  I am very happy with the good doctor and his impact as a character though

The good doctor’s whole side plot about his wife was based on something my grandpa said to me a while back.  It was originally just something I put in to make his death more emotional, but it became a major part of the story, at least to me

I think at one point he mentions that his wife made him want to be a better person and (Y/N) goes, “I wish I had that, rip,” the idea was that she found that with Douxie.  Idk how well that came across, but I tried

I tried to keep (Y/N) as gender neutral as possible.  I kind of worked, but i kind of gave up on it at the end lol

When writing (Y/N), I basically made her do everything I would do if I were immortal

(Y/N) and Douxie’s relationship is not based on a real one in the slightest.  It’s more of my idea of what a supportive relationship is

A few more songs that inspired specific chapters are: ‘The Vampire Masquerade’ by Peter Gundry, ‘Masquerade’ by Lindsey Sterling, ‘What is a Youth’ by Nino Rota or Joanna, and ‘Mamma Mia’ by Abba

I might just make a playlist for this actually

I wrote/write most of AATY at like, 3 a.m. so if something doesn’t make sense that’s probably why

I tried to fit as many tropes into this bad boy as i could (only one bed, fake dating) and on a more surface level, it’s an enemies to lovers slowburn that could be classified as a soulmate fic (even though the universe doesn't bond these two, Merlin does)

I started writing AATY there wasn’t enough Douxie x Reader fic and i wanted more

My worst fear is one of the creators seeing this lol

The first part of the first chapter is one of, if not my favourite part of AATY

[alfredosauce50]

What makes me human [Cyberpunk! America x reader] 11

Wordcount: 5,150 Rating: M for strong language, ideologically sensitive and mature themes, gore “In a society that normalizes cybernetic enhancements, many forget what it is to be human. He never did.” Chapter synopsis: Allen and Arthur race to find you both, but it proves to be harder without knowing your whereabouts. Meanwhile, you've successfully helped Alfred find the chip. Before leaving, you have a long-awaited conversation with your father to realize he's more insane than you thought. The reader is referred to as she/her.

Songs to listen to while you read (in order as found in playlist): Cyberninja,  Trouble finds trouble, Tower Lockdown, Me!Me!Me!, Pt. 2, Him & I (with Halsey), Atlantis. I have indented song titles throughout the chapter so you can change accordingly. Starting now:

Cyberninja

Before Arthur could even buckle himself in, Allen rammed his foot into the gas pedal. He was thrown back in a violent manner, and hit his head against the headrest. But the mechanic never complained. He looked stressed enough as is, continually scanning the road while murmuring to himself as if he’d really gone mad. “Hell, that motherfucker could be anywhere in the whole fucking city right now.” He hissed, pulling out of the driveway and into the main road.

“We can’t call him. Track him. Nothing. Same goes for (F/N). They’re off the map.” Turning to his companion numerous times in distress, he sped through the streets, though he had no particular destination in mind.

The indicator clicked. Allen cursed at the car in front of them, but never made a move to overtake. As Arthur became overwhelmed by these stimulants, he opened his mouth, defeated. “If you’re in such a hurry, why--why bother following traffic rules? You never have before, so why now?” He asked with a shake of the head, earning a loud scoff from the other.

The car windows glowed with a flurry of pinks and purples as they moved closer to the commercial district. They were near their first stop.

“Trust me, I wouldn’t give a damn if I didn’t have to.” The whites of his eyes reflected a mosaic of color as he never looked away from the road. “But that was when I was working for my boss. I had protection. I could do a hit and run if I wanted, and without the running part.” The redhead breathed. Then, he stuck his head out of the window with a huff. Immediately, he was choked by the city smog, and deafened by the blaring of car horns.

“Friggen’ prick...” He flipped off the driver in front of him. Sitting back into his seat, he flashed Arthur a grin, though the man couldn’t return the energy.

“Did you get fired? Or did you quit?” This wasn’t the best time to ask about the past, but he had been dying to know why he wound up half-dead on his doorstep. So what better a time to do it than now?

“I quit.” Allen answered point-blank. “Old man didn’t take it well. Decided to kill me. Didn’t.” Slowing the vehicle, they arrived at a parking-lot surrounded by backdoors of multiple piss-poor establishments. One of which was illuminated by a flickering red neon sign that read ‘no-tell motel’.

“He thinks I’m dead, so the rest of the city has to think that too.”

Arthur gawked at him. “That makes you no better than a fugitive! And it’s not just anybody after you--Allen, he’ll kill you when he finds out you’re still alive!”

“And that’s why he won’t find out.” Tapping the side of his neck for a flap to open, the said man slotted a small disk inside. “Disables cybernetic upgrades in a twenty foot radius. Means I can’t use mine, but it stops other people from figuring out who I am.” He dug through one of the compartments for a muffler, which he wrapped around the bottom half of his face.

What he did next was alarming, however. Sticking his hand further in, he pulled out a gun and cocked it.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing--!?” Arthur exclaimed, fumbling with a face mask Allen tossed his way. He didn’t see a silencer anywhere either. “If I can call the police without any upgrades, so can everyone else!”

His statement couldn’t ring any truer, and yet, it never slowed down the other’s movements as he climbed out of the car. Unsatisfied by his silence, he wound up getting out to follow him. “Oi, say something! At least let me know you’re not gonna shoot up a restaurant!” Whispering that part out, he had to speed up a few steps to catch up with the man, now marching to the backdoor of a motel.

“Put the mask on.” Allen murmured without sparing him a single glance. But he paused briefly to process what he said. “... A motel, you mean. But I’m hoping we won’t have to resort to that.”

Arthur’s eyes went round. “You were considering--”

He could share the desperation to save Alfred’s life, but he had a hard time following how. Shooting up a motel? What was he thinking?

“Yes.” Attaching his hand to the door, it creaked open. Before Allen took another step, he faced him with a serious glower. “Now when we get inside, I want you to walk up to the receptionist. He’s programmed to greet you. Ask him for a room, and while you do, I’ll approach him from behind and deactivate him. Kapeesh?”

But then again, he was in the dark here. Arthur hadn’t the slightest clue on what Alfred’s circumstances were, as mysterious as the man was, so he had no idea how he was on the verge of dying.

So naturally, he wouldn’t know how to save him either.

But he trusted Allen to know what to do.

“... Alright. You better not make me regret this, you tyke.” 

“You can call me anything you want, just not that. I’m not a kid anymore.” Those words would become apparent as they walked inside, where their plan went by without a hitch. They heard the automated voice of superficial kindness, which stopped abruptly to the sound of an android powering off. Its body fell to the ground to reveal Allen standing behind. Without wasting a second, he leaned over and typed furiously on the keyboard of the computer.

Trouble finds trouble

“Lemme see if this has a log of everybody who came by...” A few moments later, he started nodding at what he saw. “Bingo...” On their private encrypted server, stored the history of all the guests who booked a night. “Well, what do you know... Alfred checked out two days ago. But he’s on the move.” Pulling away to stand up straight, he jogged over to the exit.

“Even if someone tried to look for him in one a’ these places, he’d have to get behind the reception and do exactly what I did.” This someone referred to Matsumoto, but death already followed Alfred wherever he went. Not that Alfred knew that. “The perks of a no-tell motel. Even if they reek of piss, so long as there’s crime, they’ll never go out of business.” He beckoned Arthur to follow him with a tilt of the head. 

“One down, twenty-seven more to go. And that’s only in the direction he’s going... And under the assumption he’s only staying at these motels. So, uh, let’s hope he didn’t try to be too unpredictable.” 

The Brit huffed. This wasn’t going to be easy. 

“I think he’d be predictable to do that if you asked me.” He murmured. “But you call the shots. I’ll just be... Moral support.” 

Allen already disappeared out the door, but his head poked into the doorframe at that. “Nah. You have the most important job outta’ the both of us.” 

That was right. He didn’t tell him yet. He really should’ve a while ago, but he got caught up in the chase. 

“Whether you remove a chip from his head or not will determine if he lives or not.” 

Arthur paled. 

“He’s the guy my boss wanted me to kill. Remember the dude I told you about? The one who tried to steal a prototype chip three years ago?” Now that he mentioned it, he recalled the conversation a few weeks ago. But wait a minute. 

The mechanic felt his face scrunch up as he was hit with a major epiphany. That was Alfred? The terrorist Allen had been updating him about? He was the man who tore up three floors of the headquarters of Matsumoto Optics, and simultaneously, the same customer he had been serving for the last few years.

Before he could even process his shock, he was presented with even more appalling information. 

“He stole it this time. That’s what he and (F/N) disappeared to do. But now that it’s in his head, it’ll overwrite his consciousness until he’s a fucking vegetable.” 

Arthur was horrified. “Then why would he even--” 

“Because he doesn’t know.” Allen cut in with a grim expression. “He thought the chip was supposed to give him immortality, so he wanted to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. Like my boss. But no. It’s the opposite. It was all a ploy to kill him.” At this point, the blonde was at loss for words. As a doctor and mechanic, he was quite frankly terrified of how devilishly clever Matsumoto was. But he couldn’t expect any less from him, could he?

They made it back to the car, and he could only stare aimlessly out the windshield, paralyzed. 

“That’s why we need you.” He heard him say. Turning to the man, albeit slowly, he felt a hand slap down on his shoulder. Allen gave him a lopsided grin. “You’re the smartest guy I know, second to my boss. You were always great at fixing stuff. Cars, enhancements, people--so what’s a mixture of all three?”

Arthur dug a hand through his hair stressfully. “... You’re kidding.” And yet, he already knew he was on board. “... Are you calling him a car?” 

The other flattened his lips. “... He technically could be.” 

“Just to be clear, I fucking hate you.” 

Allen laughed. “Sure.”

“But otherwise, we’re wasting time.” He couldn’t believe the words falling from his lips. This was really happening, wasn’t it? After taking him in as an apprentice for his auto shop, the roles were finally reversed. He no longer took charge as the teacher. Or rather, he became the student caught up in the most difficult assignment yet. Having a taste of Allen’s work. 

“That’s what I’m talking about!” 

***

Tower Lockdown

You had all the reasons in the world to be anxious coming home. 

On top of worrying over Alfred, who had hundreds of trained assassins coming at him all at once, during every minute of the heist, you had to face an aspect of reality you avoided until now. You were in the building, and he had already stolen the chip. It was slotted comfortably in his head, ready to leave the premises.

 How come your father never appeared? Was he really just going to let you go just like that?

But the real question was this--should you stay or leave? 

Yes, you hardly approved of anything he’d done. Done to the world like Alfred always mentioned, and to Alfred himself. But you weren’t prepared to abandon him yet. He was still your father, and the only family you had. If you had to make a decision, you needed some closure. If not, a discussion. 

And you expected him to give it to you as the least he could do. 

As Alfred stood among a pile of dead bodies bathing in red, his mantis blades trembled against a katana blade. Even with his hands full, he made the time to check on you. “(F/N)! Stay away from walls! Just hang on for a second longer!” He shouted, turning to you briefly before diverting his attention back to his opponent. “We’re nearly home free!” 

Pulling away to give him a swift jab in the chest, blood sprayed onto his face, but he wasn’t fazed.

What did, however, was the sight of you being thrown over the shoulder of one of the bodyguards. Color drained from his face and he burst into a sprint. 

“(F/N)! No!” Watching you disappear into an elevator, he slammed right into the closing metal doors. “Fuck!” He slammed his fist against them to hear a loud bang. Before he could linger too long, he hastily made his way to a door adjacent. The emergency stairs would take a hell lot longer, but as if he’d wait for the elevator to come back down. 

Even if he needed to climb up a hundred flights to get to you, he would--all the way to the penthouse where Matsumoto was. 

When those men approached you, there was no struggle on your end. You knew where they were going to take you. And you wanted them to. It could even be said you were relieved, because that meant your father was thinking of you. After a minute or so, the soft whirring fell silent, followed by a soft ‘ding’. 

They moved outside the elevator, and after a few steps, they set you down on your feet. Right in the middle of your father’s office. At the very end behind a desk sat the man himself, and he was eyeing you with an unreadable expression. Upon returning his stare, came an onslaught of emotions. But the most prominent was incapacitating anxiety.

Even as his daughter, you could never see through him. He was impossible to read. So you had no idea what to expect. 

“Dad... We need to talk.” You began, walking up to him warily. This was what you wished for at the start, cried for, even. To return home. And yet, the nervous pounding in your chest seemed to worsen with every step you took. It was jarring to confront how much had changed since then. So while you barely managed any words, you were already overwhelmed, struggling to choke back tears. 

“For once, I need to know what you’re thinking.” 

He inhaled deeply before responding. “I was under the same impression that we’d have this conversation.” Standing up from his chair, he furrowed his brows at the sight of you clenching the fabric of your pants. “Don’t look so nervous, child. You haven’t done anything to anger or disappoint me.” Reaching out to your head, he settled a hand on it. 

“... Really?” You whispered out. Hearing his assurances calmed you down a touch. But when you saw the forlorn gaze he cast down at you, your heart was crushed. “... Dad?”

Me!Me!Me!, Pt.2

Any existing contempt for him melted away just like that, but you weren’t upset at yourself for it. Your father hardly expressed any emotion besides calm indifference. And when he did, it always felt like the world was ending. 

“I’m the one who deserves your anger.” He clarified, lowering his hands to your shoulders. “I’ve left you by yourself for far too long, (F/N). I hope you don’t hold it against me that you had to come home yourself.” You hung your head, unable to meet his saddened gray eyes. If you were to hold a grudge at him for it, you’d start by avoiding his gaze. “And I understand why you would’ve wanted to help him. He has a way with words, and a naïve sense of justice. But it’s a warped perception of reality.”  

You’d hate to admit it, but no matter how cruel he seemed to be, there was a method to his madness. 

And you were perhaps the only person in the world to know it. 

That was why you were so torn. Torn between hating him and understanding him. After all, you couldn’t have both. “You can’t blame him after what you did to him.” Glancing up at that, you felt bile rise in your throat. Then, your vision blurred. “I don’t know what you’re aiming for--for this company, and this world. But you can’t expect him to accept this world you created when you stole him from his. He had a life!” 

Staring at him through hot tears, he breathed out a soft sigh before rubbing them away with a swipe of the thumb. “I’m not asking for your forgiveness. And I won’t expect you to forgive me even after telling you the reasons for my actions.”  

He pulled away from you to begin walking back to his desk, but not to sit down. Instead, he stood by the window to watch the blinking lights of skyscrapers and small moving dots of cars on the streets. “In a society that normalizes cybernetic enhancements, many forget what it is to be human. He never did. So of course, he would reject the idea of immortality. The destruction of the most human quality there is.” 

He paused briefly to scan the landscape.

“Mortality. One’s inevitable end gives everything they do meaning.” 

Wrinkles creased between your brows. It was confusing to hear him speak so highly of death, frustrating, even. Wasn’t he the one investing billions into correcting it like a flaw? “If that’s what you really think, then why? Why would you make something that would take that all away?” 

He held his hands behind his back. “To serve the greater good. A sacrifice, if you will.” The man turned to you, this time with a serious glower. “Alfred thinks I would commercialize it. Sell it to the public. But he’s wrong. Immortality will only be available to the leaders of the world.”

By leaders, you could only assume he meant people like him. Not politicians, but business men and women. Company owners. The most powerful forces of the present. “The inability to die is a curse. You never move on because you’re still breathing. But that may be just what the world needs. Stagnation. An absence of change.” 

It was daunting to know this man was your father. You couldn’t say you were born with half as many of these attributes he had. Intelligence was easily passed down, but there was something else written in his genes you could never dream of having. “With every passing year, decade, and century, humanity frays like a rope. Society continues to deteriorate... All until self-destruction becomes a matter of time.” Facing the window again, he scanned the impressive architecture he was proud to call his own. And it looked as pristine as it did yesterday. 

“The only way to stop this was to take control of it myself. And that’s how I came to found this company. I’ve found a way to govern the people. To invest in science as the world’s last and only hope. But it’s a job that will last eons, so I was prepared to do it until the end of time.” 

He was right in saying that society was inevitably doomed with the direction it was heading. That technology was the only solution, along with a world government. Matsumoto Optics. A cosmocracy with jurisdiction over the whole planet. There would be no wars. No conflict. And with only one state to call the shots, things could be done so much faster on a global scale. 

It was a radical concept to grasp, but you couldn’t say there was no logic to it. “Alfred was meant to do it with me. To reincarnate again and again as my closest aide on my quest to preserve the world. But he ended up being the opposite. My foil.” Matsumoto shook his head. “Alfred is a nostalgic soul. He’s too attached to the past. But the way of the old can never last with how fast it makes the world burn. Even if he realized that, he would want to exact revenge on me after what I’ve done to him.” 

“So before he destroys everything I’ve created, I have to destroy him first.” 

Him & I (with Halsey)

You tensed up all over, but before you could ask him what he meant by destroy, the doors burst open. The very subject of the conversation had appeared, and just in time for the conclusion of it. His arrival caught you completely off guard, successfully derailing your train of thought, but your father merely acknowledged his arrival. “Ah. Speak of the devil.” 

“Speak for yourself, you fucking demon.” He spat, marching over to your side to pull you into his chest. Immediately putting his hands all over your face, he was riddled with concern as he inspected you. “You okay? I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you in time. What are you still doing here? C’mon, let’s go.” While he reached down to your hand to lead you away, you stayed put. 

As relieved as you were to see him here, you couldn’t follow him out yet. You gave his hand a squeeze, then a soft smile of reassurance. Then, you turned to your father. 

This time, you held him in a firm stare. 

“Even if everyone thinks you’re crazy, I always knew you’d have some kind of justification for everything.” You started. Little did you know, you would take back this statement in the very near future. “But I can’t forgive you for what you did to Alfred. He never ended up doing anything you wanted him to, so giving him all those adjustments was pointless for you. But not for him. If you wanted to get rid of him, it wouldn't be easy.”

Matsumoto closed his eyes as if to agree. That was what you interpreted it as, at least. But unbeknownst to you, he was doing anything but. “I wouldn’t know what’s best for this world.” 

“But what I do know is that I won’t let you hurt him.” 

You spoke those words with a conviction so strong, Alfred’s eyes widened when he heard it. It wasn’t news you cared deeply for him, but to hear you say it to your father like that, and Matsumoto, no less, it made his mechanical heart pound more than he could fathom. You were actively disobeying him, a man you previously revolved your life around, for his sake. To say he was infatuated would be an understatement. 

You felt his grip on you tighten. 

“Say what you will, and I’ll respect your conviction. But I will come for him.” The bearded man murmured in a foreboding tone. A sinister light glinted in his dark gray irises. “And in the most unexpected way he could ever imagine. You will never want to see me again when that happens.” 

“If.” Your voice was a little strained. As much as you wanted to hate him and move on, you couldn’t. Every single fiber of your being was urging you to find a reason, any reason, to not despise the man who raised you. “If, dad. Because if you did, I really will never forgive you. I’ll hate you forever.” 

A grim expression contorted at his face. In his many decades on the planet, he’d never felt more dread. But one had to wonder if that was the right word. The regret had already arrived, because he’d already done something unforgivable. It was only a matter of time before you’d find out. “I’ve already done something to earn your unconditional hatred, child.” 

That was right. He’d killed Allen, your best friend and only other semblance of family in your life. And perhaps, the person you held the closest to your heart. “Soon, you will learn what it is. So I’ll let you leave today because you will never want to come back. I’d imagine that to be more… Convenient for you.” 

It was only your ignorance that blessed him this last moment. The last moment where you’d see him as your father with eyes unclouded by hatred. But it was short-lived. 

It didn’t take long for you to put two and two together, and in your short silence, you came to remember someone that had been gone for a while. Allen. 

Atlantis

You woke up in a cold sweat. For just one measly second as you oriented yourself, you weren’t tortured by a fury. Betrayal. Disgust. But it all came rushing back to you like the memories of that Godforsaken day you met with your father.

Sitting up with a deep frown, you felt heat build up around your face. It would be etched in your mind forever. The memory of Allen laying in the dump. Tossed out like a broken toy. Then, the stench of blood and rust as he was left for dead. 

You always knew your father was mad, but he kept on surprising you with how mad he was. Turning to the figure beside you, tears only overwhelmed your waterline to see his chest rise and fall steadily. 

He was still here. Alive and well. You could only hope the same for Allen.

It had been ten days since the heist. There hadn’t been a single sign of Matsumoto or his men, meaning Alfred really did do his research on the best places to hide. Climbing onto his form, you wound up laying on his chest. Then, you peered down at his sleeping face. 

As you got comfortable, you felt a smile creep onto your lips. If the you from a few months ago saw what you were doing, she’d be flabbergasted. Since when did you like him this much? 

Your cheeks grew a little rosy as you became self-aware of the position you were in. Full-on embarrassment hit you when he began to stir, but before you could get off of him, his eyes fluttered open. Uh oh. Now this warranted an explanation. 

For a second, he was confused, but when he saw that it was just you, he grinned lazily. “Morning, babe. Care to tell me why you’re not sleeping on your side of the bed?” 

He’d totally cornered you. And did he just call you babe? “Um... I, well... I woke up on you, so don’t get the wrong idea. I was just about to get off.” Sliding yourself off of him at that, you tried your damndest to simmer down. But he never gave you the chance. Rolling over to face you, he pulled you in around your waist much to your surprise. “Hey!” 

You never got around to pointing out that pet name, either. 

He caught you in a serious stare. “Don’t be so shy. We’re close, aren’t we?” Alfred was never one to beat around the bush. You knew that better than anyone, but that didn’t mean you were used to it. Lowering your head at that, you fixated on his chest. 

“... I guess so. That doesn’t mean I can sleep on you like that, though. And plus, it must’ve been uncomfortable.” 

“Nah. You’re light as hell.” He hummed. Sitting up with you on his lap, his statement became more apparent in how effortless he made it seem. “You’re like a few grapes, really. So don’t worry about it.” 

Why he chose to focus on that part of your argument was beyond you. Did he really not see anything wrong with what you were doing? Or maybe he did, and didn’t want to mention it. He’d been hugging you a lot lately the past week, but that wasn’t as deserving of your attention as spooning you while he slept. 

Wasn’t he pushing the envelope? It would make sense he was just trying to comfort you after your run-in with your father, and your discovery that he was the one who attempted to off your best friend. But wasn’t this a bit much? 

He wrapped his arms around your neck. There was nothing between you both, and yet, he was holding you like there was. Like you were his. 

"...” It was in his smile. It was different to how he always looked at you, as if there was finally something behind those electric blue irises. Something alive. Something hot. As you played around with the idea, you lit up like a Christmas tree and pushed his mouth away. “Don’t look at me like that.” 

Almost as if he read your mind, he relented. But only reluctantly. Picking you up from under your arms, he set you onto the mattress so he could get out of bed. Looking back at you over his shoulder, he gave your cheek an affectionate pinch. “Whatever you say. I’ll be back after a piss.” 

When he left the room, you were left to your own devices. As you brought your knees to your chest, you came to realize how tight it was. He’d only left for a few seconds, and you were already waiting for him to return. It was ridiculous to think about, but it was almost as if you missed him. Already.

Did spending all this time with him give you some kind of separation anxiety? 

Or was it something more? 

You couldn’t tell. 

The fact that he mentioned ‘I’ll be back’ suggested he was aware of your attachment to him. You buried your face into your knees. 

Turns out, you weren’t the only one having a hard time processing your feelings. 

When he disappeared into the bathroom, he pressed his back against the wall. Reaching up to his chest, he scrunched up a part of his shirt as the pounding in his heart subsided--his metaphorical one. Alfred didn’t think it was weird to find you on top of him like that, let alone dislike it. In fact, he loved it. It gave him a shred of hope that maybe, you did like him the way he liked you. 

But that didn’t change the fact that he couldn’t be with you. 

This was the fifth motel he’d been to after the heist. There was no saying he’d be dead by the end of the day. Not when your father was after his head. So he wasn’t about to start anything. That would be too selfish, even for him--though one had to wonder if ‘selfish’ could even describe him anymore. He was anything but. At least, for you he wasn’t. 

Alfred would only be proven right when he took a step towards the toilet. His vision started to glitch. Then, he lost his balance, falling over the sink and slamming his head against the mirror. “Fuck--!” Stumbling back onto his feet, he was engulfed in black for a few seconds. What the hell was going on? 

His bout of disorientation lasted for far too long to be normal.

Before he would start accepting the prospect of going blind, his vision returned. He thought he would celebrate that moment, but he forgot what he was even fussing about. What happened? Lowering his gaze to his hands, he stared at them for a while before looking back up. What was he doing here? Where was he? 

That was right. He was in a motel. With you. Running away from uncertain death. It took a minute or so to recall all of these things, and that was what alarmed him. It seemed like his body wasn’t accepting the chip very well. 

Temporary memory loss and blindness was just apart of the transition, right? 

Little did he know, it was anything but. 

Outside that very district sat two men in a car. Bags hung under their dull eyes as they scanned the streets as vigilantly as their sleep deprivation let them. It had been two days since they slept, but they wouldn’t rest until they found him. There were only four days until the damage was done.

If they didn’t get to the man before then, he would be as good as dead. 

[zankivich]

The Arrangement: CEO’s Son/Dom!Shawn x Black Sub Reader Chapter 11

a/n: Hi. so I stopped posting these because no one ever reads them and barely anyone reads the fic anymore but this is literally my favorite chapter of this whole damn thing. So please be gentle with her. She’s wonderful in my opinion. k bye. 

WARNINGS: sex without a condom, accidental insemination (i know that’s not sexy but i didn't feel comfortable using the cp word tbh). Also just so much fluff and so much love. major development of feelings here. 

*Shawn’s point of view*

“y/n where are you taking me?”

“Did you wear the shirt?” She asked instead. “The red one?”

He peered down at his shirt that she insisted he wear for the occasion, three buttons undone instead of two just like she said.

“Yes I’m wearing the shirt, but I don’t--”

“Perfect! I’ll be down in just a second. Make sure you’re in the passenger seat.”

His girlfriend was weird. Incredible and mind bendingly smart and gorgeous. But weird.

And yet, by the time she finally appeared out of her apartment there he was, following her every direction. He remembers she wore this really pretty flowy dress that billowed around her ankles because it was getting chilly in New York and he wondered if maybe she might want his denim jacket from the backseat.  She slid into his car and immediately kissed him like she hadn’t seen him in days. They hadn’t been able to spend the night together for the past few weeks due to busy schedules, and so Saturday was supposed to be date night. And he was all ready to take his girlfriend on a magical evening with a reservation at KO, this amazing Asian restaurant that was impossible to get into and well over 200 dollars for the tasting menu. Instead, she had told him to put on a very specific outfit and grab his guitar, because she was in charge for the night. And besides the bedroom, y/n was always in charge. Always.

“You and your wild, taffy legs. How is anyone supposed to reach the pedals in this thing?” She grumbled flailing around in the driver’s seat.

He rolled his eyes playfully and reached over to flick the switch that would push her seat up.

“Sweetheart, this is the Tesla. Please be gentle.”

She clicked her seatbelt on and adjusted her mirror before spinning out smoothly into the street.

“Boy I know what the hell I’m doing. You just sit there and let mama handle things okay?” She snorted.

“Just as long as mama doesn’t total my hundred sixty thousand dollar car, she can handle whatever she’d like.”

“What could this vehicle possibly do that’s worth that much money. It’s still wheels and a seat, sis.” She giggled to herself at her own joke. “Besides, I could total this car and you’d still love me in the morning. Not that I would! I’m a good driver, dammit.”

It took one look at her with her tongue just barely passed her lips in concentration as she navigated city traffic to confirm her statement.

“Yea...You’ve got me there.” He sighed.

His confusion was once again peaked as y/n headed away from the city instead of deeper into it. Any idea for what she might have had planned went straight out the window. It didn’t help that she simply continued to listen to one of his playlists he made her, bopping her adorable head to the music and ignoring him as he stared helplessly in his seat.

“Baby...You’ve got to give me something here. I might start to think you’re taking me out to the woods to kill me.” He whined.

She rolled her eyes. “Like I have the time or the patience to drag your big ass through the woods. Men. So impatient. Can’t you just enjoy the ride?”

“I might enjoy it a little more, if I knew where we were going.”

“You shall see in...twenty-two minutes.” She explained peering at the gps on her phone.

“You know the car comes with a GPS too.”

“Ah hah! That explains the price tag huh?”

He decided it best he stay quiet less his girlfriend only continued to make fun of him more.

Needless to say he’s a little confused when they pull up to what looks like nothing more than a little pub. His car was probably more expensive than the building, and he couldn’t help but remember that he’d gotten them a reservation at a place that had been booked solid for the last three months.

“Y/n...what the hell?” He asked quietly. “Where are we?”

“We are at Lenny’s Tavern.” She smiled pointing to the big sign outside the building.

“Yes, I can see that. Why are we at Lenny’s Tavern?”

She leaned back in her seat and stared at him with her big gentle eyes. It was always her way of getting him to calm down. Because when she was calm, it was nearly impossible for him not to be.

“We’re here so that you can play your music.”

….

So much for being calm.

“What?! W--What? No. No way. Y/n I can’t. I can’t play anything that my dad owns. You know that. I told you that!”

“You can’t seek monetary gain for any performance without his sign off. That’s correct. But this is an open mic night. And technically your father has rights to anything officially recorded in a studio or otherwise. This is what bars you from releasing, let’s say a single on soundcloud or spotify for example. However, a live performance? A random ten minute set? That’s fair game.” She explained.

“How could you know that? How could you possibly know that?”

“Because I read your contract. Line for line. And it’s tight. It’s tight and it’s shitty and I can’t imagine what an awful human being your dad has to be to get you to sign it, but there was wiggle room. So...let’s wiggle.”

He was dumbfounded. His heart was hammering in his chest and he just kept peering at the tiny pub in front of them and then back to her and then back to the pub. He hadn’t sung in front of a crowd since high school. He wasn’t prepared, every single song absolutely escaping his mind. And here she was just as calm as a cucumber.

“How did you find my contract?” He asked.

“You’re not the only one who has their ways, Shawn.”

She undid her seatbelt and turned in the seat to face him. She reached for his hands, which were most definitely shaking, and squeezed hard enough at them that he could no longer tell. His breathing was uneven as the panic set in. Most of it was his dad. And what he might do, and all of the things that he could do. But, some of it was just the fear of failing. He’d spent years convincing himself that his dad was the reason he never got his shot, the reason he never made it big. But there was always a tiny voice in the back of his head that was convinced it might just be him. Maybe he was just wasn’t good enough. Maybe he never would be.

“Hey, look at me.”

His eyes flickered up to her face as he worked to steady his breathing.

“You’ve got a gift. A gift that makes you happy and a gift that has the ability to make others happy. Not everyone has that. People spend their whole lives chasing shit like that. You love music. I know you do; I can feel it in every muscle of your being. I’m not asking you to fight your dad, and I’m not asking you to do anything I don’t already know you can do. I’m just asking you to sing because you love it okay? And I know for a fact that you can do that.”

She kept one hand of his in her lap and reached to touch his face with her other. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t lean into her touch with his whole head and his whole heart and maybe the rest of him too.

“I’m gonna be there the whole time. Just focus on me.” She whispered. “And have fun. Can you do that?”

He took a deep breath and kissed at her palm.

“I--I don’t know. Maybe? What if I fuck it up? What if it hurts?”

“Then we go home and we laugh about it. You’re never gonna see any of these people again. This is literally just for you. No one else.”

“Fuck. Okay. Okay, I’ll try.”

She grinned. “Yea?”

“Yea. But if I fall I need you to pick me up, alright?”

“Darling that’s all that I’m here for.”

They get out of the car, his guitar case firm in his hand, as she pulls him forward by his other one. He makes her double lock the Tesla just in case. Who knew where the hell they were at.

Inside the pub isn’t exactly the Irish biker crowd. It looks more like a college town bar. There were mostly younger people, early twenties to thirties, all standing around drinking and having a good night. All of the lights were off except for at the bar, and the stage at the front of the pub. There was already somewhere up there. A woman with a really beautiful soprano timbre. Some were sat around the stage at tables drinking and enjoying the music. It was maybe a hundred people total in the whole space, but certainly more than he’d ever sang in front of before.

He was still looking around trying to get a feel for the space when her hand squeezed at his again to get his attention.

“Oh, I almost may have invited a friend.”

He turned to see Niall with a beer in his hand talking loudly to what must have been another friend at a table. The second he spotted Shawn though, he was downing his drink and heading straight for them.

“Shawnie Boy!” He cheered wrapping his arms around him quickly. “It’s about time you got here man, the crowd’s all warmed up for ya.”

“I--I’m sorry?”

“Oh this lovely woman instagram dm’d me that you were finally gonna put that voice of yer’s on display for all to see, asked if I’d be a friendly face in the crowd. But, this is the place I got discovered at man. I thought it might bring some good luck to you! You’re gonna kill it.”

Niall clapped him on the shoulder and then turned to y/n to pull her in for a hug as well. It wasn’t difficult to see what his dad had seen in Niall. Besides the Irish accent, and the blue eyes, and the voice, Niall was a force of nature. He was charismatic and kind and sort of all over the place. He certainly made Shawn feel calmer as well. Niall was the first person he shared music with in a long time besides Brian. Perhaps if he believed in him, there was something worth believing in.

Niall, y/n, and a few of Niall’s friends that he remembered from various studio sessions crowded around the table closest to the stage. There was a guy by the soundboard, keeping track of the acts who were going. He went to put his name on the list, and only kind of hoped that the guy might tell him the list was full.

“Name?” He asked.

“Uh, Shawn Mendes?”

“Ah you’re already on the list. You can go next. You get two songs. There’s a mic on stage that should pick up the guitar. Is it an acoustic?”

“Yea.”

“Well perfect man. Good luck out there.”

“Yea, okay. Thanks.”

He got his guitar out of the case and slipped the strap over his shoulder. She was perfectly in tune and felt like air beneath his fingertips. The guitar had taught him confidence. He felt comfortable with it on, like it was his best piece of clothing. All the nerves and stress sort of took a back seat when he was playing, even there to the side of the stage while he waited for the last person to finish up. He just genuinely loved playing. Like more than anything in the world.

“Alright. Next up is a newbie. Give it up for Shawn Mendes everybody!”

He hears y/n above all else as she claps and cheers and let’s everyone around know that’s her man up there. It makes him laugh which makes him breathe. It’s good. She’s perfect.

He takes a seat on the stool in front of the mic, fingers still strumming absentmindedly as he settles on what to play. The tension is still in his shoulders a little bit. He’s still absolutely terrified. But it’s her who asked him to do it. So, he will.

“Hello. I haven’t really played in front of people since I was fifteen so this could go bad, but hopefully it doesn’t. Um this song is for my girlfriend who I’ve been writing songs about far longer than she’s been my girlfriend. I hope you like it.”

He plays When You’re Ready because it feels right. He wrote it after their first few nights together, far before he was ever ready to admit just how into her he was. He lied to himself and said that he was just using their experience to write a song, that it wasn’t necessarily about her. But, who was he fooling? Sometimes he thought he might write about her for the rest of his life.

Don't know why I try 'cause ain't nobody like you

Familiar disappointment every single time I do

And every single night my arms are not around you

My mind's still wrapped around you

He catches her eyes in the crowd and it’s like they’re back in his apartment sitting on the floor with pillows and candles while he plays. It’s no longer scary or frightening or overwhelming. It’s just them. And he gets this feeling in the middle of the song that he’d sing forever if it meant he got to tell the world how he felt about her. She made him feel everything and anything ten times over. And he was just starting to hit the surface of what that could actually mean for him.

And if I have to, I'll wait forever

Say the word and I'll change my plans

Yeah, you know that we fit together

I know your heart like the back of my hand

It dawns on him that other people are nodding along about halfway through the song. Niall was nodding, but that was Niall. There were people at the back of the bar who turned his way to listen and pay attention. He’s got a crowd staring back at him and they don’t even hate him. It’s the wildest thing in the world.

Even ten years from now, if you haven't found somebody

I promise I'll be around

Tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin', I'm waitin'

His thumb hits the last chord and he’s not prepared for the applause that bursts out. He has to look to y/n to see how she’s making it sound like so many people are clapping, but it’s not her. It’s the bar. It’s everyone. And it’s the wildest thing he’s ever experienced in his whole life.

For a second he just stands there dumbfounded staring at them all. Were they sure? Did they really like it? Music was the most humbling of things, because money couldn’t make you not sound like shit. Either you had it, and you worked for it, or you didn’t. The guy from the sound booth had to give him the reminder to play his other song, or surely he would have just stared at them all night.

“Shit. Uh thanks. That was wild. Okay. Um, this next one is called Lights On. Hope you like it.”

Y/n had never heard it. And rightfully so. It was his least vulgar way of reminding himself of the way that she made him feel from that night that he finally met her. The way that her dress had melded to every curve. The length of her spine when she was trying to stand as tall as humanly possible above everyone else. The way that her thighs had felt around his head. It’s everything that the song reminded him off without stating it explicitly, and he can tell by the heat in her eyes that he’s conjuring up similar images for her.

He’s so focused on her that he doesn’t notice that the entire bar had begun to clap to the beat of the song, or that by the time he gets to the second chorus people are singing along. He’s got the whole bar transfixed on him and it should feed his ego more than anything. (Make no mistake it still kind of does) But it’s harder to focus on that when the woman he loves is looking at him like she wants to devour him and maybe hold him too. It’s certainly a complex array of emotions and all that he’s left to do is beam at this crowd of maybe a hundred people for making his little dream come true. But still mostly her.

He walked off the stage to a whole bunch of applause that made him feel like his skin was buzzing. He wanted to run a mile or six. He wanted to go dance in the rain, or scream on the top of a building. Anything that would expel this energy out of him. It all felt too great. Too beautiful. In a way he was more fucked than ever, because he knew right there in that moment that performing was the only thing he was ever gonna want to do.

“Hey man that was a kickass set!” The sound guy from earlier exclaimed. “I’m Ronnie. I run the pub. You’re Shawn right?”

He nodded. “Thanks man. It was really a dream come true for me.”

“Yea? Well if you ever wanna come back and keep doing it more of it, you let me know okay? Take my card.”

The guy hands him his card and claps him on the back before going to announce the next act. He peered aimlessly down at the piece of paper feeling a big overwhelmed. Did this mean he could do it again? That he was allowed to keep performing? The thought had literally never even occurred to him.

He floats back to table where y/n and Niall were already clapping and screaming for him. He gets claps on the shoulder from random people as he passes through. It’s like the greatest night of his life or something.

And then she’s there. And he knows that he loves her because he drops his guitar case against the table to pick her up in his arms. He knows that he loves her because he has to hide his face in her neck because he thinks for a second that he might cry, he’s so goddamn happy. And he knows that he loves her because it’s all her. She gave him the moment and the feeling and the love. It’s her.

“I--I can’t believe you did that for me.” He mumbled fingers knotting in her dress.

She kissed his forehead and pulled him closer.

“That is the happiest I’ve ever seen you. And I’d do it a million times over, you hear me?”

He nodded breathlessly.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He goes to kiss her only for her to wrap her fingers around the base of his skull and pull him in for the kiss of his life. Her teeth are punishing and her tongue is a dangerous heaven in his mouth. He very nearly lifts her up off the floor like they’re at home instead of in public, and he has a feeling that was her goal exactly.

“Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes. Don’t think I forgot about that little song of yours.” She whispered.

And then she detangled herself from him and walked off like a dream and a sin all at once. Christ was he lucky. Needless to say he very quickly ditched his guitar with Niall and ran off to find his girlfriend in this dingey ass bar. The shit this woman could convince him to do.

He found her in a single stall family bathroom, which was honestly much cleaner than he expected, and the fact that they can’t keep their hands off each other tells him he needs to write more songs. And fast.

She jumped up in his arms and started sucking on his neck in that way of hers that always turned him to goo. He was lost in her immediately.

“Are we gonna have sex in this bathroom right now?” He mumbled already letting his hands wander beneath her dress.

“That depends. Do you have a condom?”

This gives him great pause. He pulled back to stare at his girlfriend in confusion.

“A condom? N--No. What am I fourteen?”

Her eyes widened. “What does that even mean? Also what the fuck were you doing at fourteen to be walking around with condoms?”

“Well it’s just that...you have the IUD. And guys only carry condoms around with them in the hopes that they’ll get lucky. I’m a sure thing kind of guy. Plus, my dad gave me my first one when I was eleven.” He shrugged.

She leaned back in his arms to stare at the ceiling.

“Jesus Christ. He’s literally the devil. Had your balls even dropped yet? Oh my god!”

“Can we not talk about my prepubescent balls please? It’s really ruining the mood.” He whined. “Can’t we just...you know?”

She raised an eyebrow at him so sharp he nearly got cut.

“Can we just what? If you think I’m walking around for the rest of the night with your nasty ass jizz between my legs, you’ve got another thing coming. Also we simply have to work on your sexual health competency because that was the dumbest shit you’ve ever said to me.”

“I think we can get creative with where we put it y/n! I just think that the more we sit here talking about, the less sexy it becomes!”

“Excuse me?! Communication is the sexiest thing in the world. Sex without communication is awful and probably predatory.”

She paused and peered down at him from where he was holding her up against his waist again. She tilted her head as if to make a decision of whether or not he was worth fucking in that moment, which like….huge ego crush by the way.

“Ah fuck it come here.”

And then she started kissing him again, so he quickly forgot about all of that.

He turned to slam her against the wall, fingers searching for the edge of her underwear beneath the skirt of her dress. She moaned in his ear and bit at his shoulder, his hips grinding more and more desperately against her’s.

“You think you can hold me up long enough to make me cum?” She whimpered.

“‘Course I can. Now be a good girl and open wide for me.”

He sticks his fingers in her mouth until they’re wet enough to rub her clit. The denim of his jeans is rough against her skin but he can’t get enough of the way she moans when he rubs against her. Let no one ever underestimate how hot they could get for each other with literally no time at all. She gets wet for him on command and her thighs tremble when rubs her the way that she needs. It’s perfect. Her body sings for him in octaves that make his heart race and his dick hard and his heart warm. She’s sort of everything to him in these moments.

“Remind me to get some restraints that hold you up against the wall. This is really doing it for me.” He mumbled.

“Yea, yea. Less talking more humping.”

At least she wasn’t impatient at all.

As far as sex goes, it’s really good. There’s something about the sound of the bar right outside the door, knowing that there were still people surrounding them on all sides. Something about the way she can’t keep quiet, so he can’t keep quiet either. Something about the way she tastes, the way she always tastes.

“Fuck,” He panted pushing her thighs back against the wall as he paused to rest inside of her. “Fuck, y/n.”

Her head rested against the wall, her lips parted and panting. She looked so fucking good it hurt to look at her. He bit his lip and doubled down against the wall using his hips to drive harder into her in the hopes that the way her hips were held in his hands might get her where she needed to go. When her fingers grip so tight at the back of his head that he winces, he figures he might have done it right.

“Oh my GOD!”

Her legs trembled in his hands and he tilted his hips to push more ruggedly against her. Her hands slapped at the wall in desperation as she reached aimlessly for anything and nothing. She hit the paper towel dispenser with a sharp clang and cried out for him like a symphony as she clenched at him for all he was worth it.

“I’m cumming.” She whined. “Baby, I’m cumming!”

It’s the greatest pleasure in the world. He presses his hand against the wall beside her head, his other arm just barely holding her up and practically falls into her. He couldn’t hold back his own orgasm if you’d paid him. If she whined for him, he sobbed for her. Fell apart for her. Loved her and held her and came for her with everything in him the way that only she could make him do. Only her.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled wetly, kissing at her shoulder. “Fuck. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. Shit, it’s okay.”

He lets her down onto shaky legs, both of them worse for ware. She made her way to the toilet to clean up, while he tried to regain function in his brain. Less than ten minutes later they were back at the bar as if nothing had happened. Though the look Niall gave him when he finally got his guitar back told him that maybe they hadn’t been quite as subtle as they could be. He didn’t care though. It was probably the best night of his life.

It’s later, back at his apartment when the lights are off except for the glow of his closet, when her head fits perfectly on his chest that the weight of it hits him. What she was willing to do for him to make him happy, for him to succeed. She was so good to him.

They got closer and deeper into this thing every day. He fell a little harder every time that he caught her smiling or laughing or even just being. The thought that she might return the sentiment was almost too much for his heart to bare.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” He whispered his fingers tracing shaping on her back. “I never would have done that if you hadn’t pushed me.”

She kissed his chest and snuggled closer.

“I’m happy to. You deserve it ya know? I know you think sometimes things are just the way they are but…it doesn’t have to be. I know that from experience.”

“I know. Or at least I’m starting to. You’re very convincing.” He snorted.

“Stick with me sweetheart, I’ll get us places.”

He didn’t doubt her for a second.

***

*y/n’s point of view*

You were trying to see if it was possible to get Shawn to forget about harry potter based off the sheer power of cleavage alone. It was proving to be incredibly difficult because you couldn’t get him to turn his head away from the movie long enough to see that your tits were on full display. Here you were thinking you were dating some suave, feeling himself, type playboy when in reality he was an actual dork hiding in a hot man’s body. The audacity.

“Shawn.” You murmured squeezing your arms together to push your cleavage up again.

“Not now babe, Snape is about to rip Harry and Ron a new one. I love this part.”

You rolled your eyes and collapsed against the sheets giving in to the magic that this franchize seemed to have over your boyfriend. What a shit show.

When his phone starts to ring, Shawn makes a face like someone just shot bamby right in front of him. The ridiculousness of it all was not in fact lost on you.

“Hello?” He sighed pausing the movie. “Oh...Hi.”

You peered over at him in interested as he threw his legs over the side of the bed to face away from you.

“No. No I haven’t been ignoring you I’ve just been a bit busy with work and what not. Yes, I know you’re out there all alone. No I--I don’t hate you. Yes…. Yes. Okay, but I can’t really just fly out to….Okay. Yes, love you too. Bye.”

“Well if that was your sidepiece or something can you at least ask her to respect Harry Potter time? I mean that just seems rude.” You snorted.

“It wasn’t a side piece.” He mumbled falling back into bed. “It was my mother.”

He pressed play on the movie again but his eyes and his mind were somewhere else. This was the first time his mom had ever been brought up besides casual conversation. And if the tension in the room was anything to go off, there was a reason for that.

“I thought...I thought you and your mom got along really well.” You asked softly.

“We do. I love her more than anything. It’s just...tough. She’s a little angry at me at the moment.”

You were far more willing to decipher your boyfriend’s traumatic experience than watch Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azaban for the fifth time that month. So, you paused the movie and let him nestle his face in the cleavage he should have been in all along.

“How come?” You asked, fingers gliding through his curls.

“She blames me for staying in California with my dad instead of moving back to Canada with her.”

“Oh. I’m sorry I didn’t realize your parents were divorced.”

He rolled his eyes. “They’re not. That would cause too much publicity. But, my mum got tired of him fucking every secretary that he hires and being a verbally and emotionally abusive piece of shit. He pays for her to stay in Canada so that she doesn’t blast his shit to the whole world. It’s really more of a business transaction.”

You peered down where his head lied on your chest and you wondered if he could feel your heart squeeze painfully in your chest.

“Jesus, Shawn.”

“Yea. I know. Trust me, I know.”

“Honestly the fact that you’ve come out half way as normal as you are is a true testament to yourself. I think you should probably be far more fucked up than you are.”

“I probably am. You just haven’t gotten a chance to see it yet.”

“We’ve known each other for clear over a year at this point, boy. I think I would’ve noticed.”

You ran your hands down his neck and over his shoulders where the muscles were tense and the stress seemed to be knotting in him by the second.

“She wants me to come home.” He admitted softly.

“Is that--that something that would be hard for you?”

“What watching her waste away in some mansion in Toronto under my dad’s thumb just like me? What son doesn’t wanna watch his mum be miserable? I’m never gonna be able to fix it. Things are always gonna be like this.”

“Yea, but they don’t have to be.”

He leaned his head up just slightly enough for eye contact. His cheeks were rosey and his eyes were hooded and sad. He looked sort of like he needed a nap. God he was cute.

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean that...You could go home and be with your mom and it might take away some of her burden. It sounds like she loves you a lot, like she just wants to see her son. You don’t have to change the world to make a difference ya know?” You hummed.

Shawn sighed and just sort of collapsed on your chest all grumpy again. He was a little bit like a cat in those moments. A very large, very long, heavy ass cat.

“Fine,” he eventually grumbled. “What are you doing next weekend?”

“Hmm...Nothing that I can think of. Why?”

“I guess we’re going to Canada.”

That just simply was not what you meant.

***

“I really need you to stop fidgeting. You’re making me fidget!”

You rolled your eyes but settled a little firmer in your seat. You messed around with the bracelet on your wrist instead before reaching for your necklace to mess with that. The car pulled to a stop and your heart lurched into your throat again. Shit.

“Sweetheart,” Shawn sighed reaching for your hand to play with your fingers. “You’ve got nothing to be nervous about. My mum is the sweetest human being you’ll ever meet.”

“Of course she is. Everyone is sweet and dandy until the white boy brings a black girl home.” You mumbled still peering anxiously out the window.

“Y/n. Y/n look at me.”

You tilted your head slightly in his direction only for him to tug your chin so that you were facing each other head on.

“I know for a fact she’s going to be obsessed with you. But, if she wasn’t? If for even a second she wasn’t as impressed with you as everyone on this planet should be? We’d fly out today, okay? I don’t need anyone’s approval to tell me whether or not I should love you. Do you understand?”

You hated when he made sense. You were supposed to be the rational one afterall. Plus he looked a lot cuter when he did it.

Your head dipped down a little bit to stare at the console in the middle of the car, but he only tugged your chin up again for you. It was almost like if you couldn’t keep your head high he was hellbent on doing it for you.

“Trust me, please?” He whispered. “Just trust me.”

“Okay.” You sighed pressing your forehead against his. “Just don’t let me go okay?”

“Sweetheart, I wouldn’t dream of it.”

He got out of the car and came to open your door, his finger quickly latching with yours. It turns out that you’d been so in your head over the thought of meeting his mother, against your will you might add, that it had never occurred to you to get freaked out over the size of the house. If you could even call it a house. The place was big enough to have it’s own fucking zipcode. It was a pristine, white mansion with a six car garage that looked like it could be its own house. You’d seen places of the sort for parties and what not in LA, but you’d never actually seen someone really, truly live in one. It reminded you endlessly of the difference in the lives that you and Shawn had. Sure, you might be in the same industry now, but your upbringings? Your childhoods? They could not have been more different.

Shawn led you slowly up to the house where he rang the doorbell that seemed to echo throughout the home. Your hand tightened around his, and so he tightened his own in response. He turned to kiss your temple and nuzzle his nose into your hair as an attempt to soothe you. It was just beginning to work when the door opened.

“My baby!”

She was a tiny woman. At least in comparison to Shawn. But you couldn’t tell by the way that she wrapped him up in her arms and kissed him as if he was a small child. And apparently he was. In her eyes, anyway. The more shocking thing was the way that he fell into her arms. He held her just as tightly as she held him. He kissed her cheek and he rocked back and forth with her. It was just about the sweetest shit you’d ever seen in your life.

“I missed you mum.” He sighed rubbing her back.

“I missed you too.”

You watched in awe as a kind of softness to your boyfriend revealed itself in a way you’d never quite seen before. Sure, he was affectionate with you. But clearly Shawn and his father weren’t running around professing their love for each other. This was a new side to him entirely.

Shawn stepped back out of his mother’s arms and reached for your hand to hold tightly just as before. He pressed his lips to the back of your hand and turned to you.

“There’s uh--there’s someone I want you to meet actually. This is y/n, my girlfriend. Y/n this is my mum.” He introduced.

Her eyes widened and you’d be lying if you didn’t say you were prepared for the worst. The moment she throws her arms around the both of you, you enter a moment of complete and utter shock.

“Oh my god! Shawn, oh my god. She’s beautiful!”

She reached for your hand and squeezed it warmly like you were old friends instead of people who were meeting for the first time.

“Mrs. Mendes, it’s so nice to meet you.” You smiled sheepishly.

“Oh, please, please call me Karen. Shawn has never brought someone home before, so excuse me if I’m a little excited. Please, come in!”

She tugged you forward into the house and quickly began to give you a tour. You looked back at Shawn with a questioning gaze at her comment. His cheeks were red and rosy, a clear give away, but he said nothing.

It really was an impressive home. You got the sense that she took pride in it, even if it felt sort of like a prison. At least she was here back home and away from all the craziness. She could lead whatever life she wanted in this place. And she seemed to have peace with that. It was a much more worthy narrative than some sad housewife locked away in a tower. She was strong. You could tell. And you liked that.

“I’ll leave you both to freshen up and unpack. I’m gonna finish up dinner. I made a roast.” She grinned at Shawn.

“My mum makes the best roast you’ve ever had in your life.” He assured you. “Hands down.”

“Wow. Well could you use any help, Mrs. Mendes? I’d hate to be a bother when you weren’t expecting me.”

Polite girlfriend shtick. You had that shit down. Shawn rolling his eyes and poking you in the shoulder was nothing but a slight hindrance on your performance.

“Honey, call me Karen. And I wouldn’t dream of making you help. There’s plenty to go around. Dinner should be ready in twenty minutes okay?”

She left with a pep in her step and a smile on her face, closing the door behind her. Shawn waited till the door was closed to tackle you down to the bed until he was lying flat on top of you like the giant he was.

“‘I’d hate to be a bother!” He exclaimed in a ridiculous english accent.

You quickly pinched his side and took solace in the pain on his face.

“Not funny dickhead. I was trying to make a good impression. You’d be wise to grovel when you meet my mother.” You snorted.

“Grovel? Mothers love me, y/n.”

“White mothers love you, honey. Black mothers will be skeptical of you at all costs. Who knows all the secrets you might be hiding in your hair alone.”

He nuzzled his head into your neck and placed a kiss against your collarbone.

“We’ll see about that. I hear I can be pretty persuasive. I got you didn’t I?” He hummed.

You bit your lip as his tongue traced your skin. He got you alright.

“I suppose stranger things have happened.” You chuckled.

“Is that...Is that something you might want sometime?”

“Might want what?” You asked running your fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.

“For me to...you know? Maybe meet your family. You seem a lot closer to them than I am to mine.”

You went quiet for a while. And it really wasn’t out of fear. You were just trying to imagine Shawn in your world. A small town in Georgia that kept its roots close and visible. The chicken places. The small, tiny two bedroom homes that built neighborhoods of children like you. Some who went to school and some who never made it “out”, whatever that meant. It was different. Home for you was a place of nostalgia and a place of comfort, but it also represented something outside of yourself. The industry could often make you feel like you had succeeded because you were here and not there. No matter how much you loved it, home was complicated. To take Shawn there would mean something far deeper than anything else you’d done thus far in truly any of your relationships. It would mean showing him a part of you that no one knew, except for Tiana. No one.

He leaned up far enough to peer down into your eyes. His thumb traced the apple of your cheek and it made your whole body shiver.

“We don’t have to. It’s not a big deal. Just wanted to ask. I would never rush you.”

You nodded. “It’s not that--it’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just a little afraid of what it might mean.”

“Of us getting more serious?”

“Not that. More so, of you seeing who I am and what I come from. What if...what if you don’t like it?” You asked. “It’s so different Shawn. We don’t have any of this where I come from.”

“That doesn’t matter to me.” He said quietly. “You know that right? That I would never ever judge you for where you come from?”

You closed your eyes and worked to steady your breathing. You didn’t quite know how to explain it to him, but you wanted to so badly.

“It’s not that. I don’t think you would be judgemental I just think you would be...confused. I don’t know like maybe we’re so different that it might be too hard to find how we fit together.”

Your eyes opened to him cupping your cheek again. His eyes were gentle and calm and loving. The way that they always tended to be. You weren’t sure how he managed that.

“We already fit together, y/n. We fit better together than anyone I’ve ever met before. I’m not interested in anything or anyone else. I just want you.”

“Are you sure?” You mumbled fingers tightening anxiously in his shirt.

“I have never been more sure of anything in my whole entire life.” He breathed.

When he kissed you it felt like relief and tenderness and care. You still couldn’t quite believe that this man of all men wanted to be all in with you. But, it felt so incredibly good. And you thought that maybe you wanted to be all in too.

***

“You have got to be kidding!”

“I swear to God! Showed his little peepee to the entire pool, with not an ounce of shame to be had!”

“Mum!” Shawn begged. “Please, please tell literally any other story in the history of ever! She doesn’t want to hear this.”

“Well now I beg to differ. How many people were at this pool, Karen?” You snickered.

He pinched quickly at your side, just hard enough for you to yelp, and rub at the bruised skin. Asshole.

“Rude.” You muttered in his direction.

“Yes, how rude of me to not want to be re-traumatized in front of my girlfriend. I’m going to get more wine, can I get anyone anything? No? Good.”

With Shawn in the kitchen, it was the first time that you and Karen were left to your own devices. You had quickly learned that the bubbly nature and infectious attitude of Shawn was all his mother. She was funny and sweet and insistent that everyone around her feel as good as possible.

“The roast really is incredible, Karen. I’d love to have the recipe sometime if you’re open to it. I’m working on expanding his palette beyond take out.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, I’d be happy to. Every year he comes home, that boy gets a little skinnier. I worry about him in New York and LA with all those toxic people about. It’s so nice to know he’s getting home cooked meals every now and again.”

“Yea, well I’m a girlfriend not a maid. It’s nice to see him cook and figure things out for himself. He’s becoming a great sou chef.” You chuckled.

“You’ve got him to cook, aye? What else is he up to over there?”

“He actually just did his first open mic night just last week. It went incredibly well. I’m really proud of him for stepping out of his comfort zone and taking a little leap for himself.”

“An open mic?” She paused. “For what? Like for poetry, or spoken word?”

You shook your head. “No. He--He sang. And played guitar.”

At first you were worried that she somehow didn’t know Shawn was into music, and that you’d blown a secret of some kind. Karen peered back towards the kitchen before leaning over the table to reach for your hand. It was the most serious she’d been since the two of you arrive. Though her eyes were still kind, they were also incredibly still.

“Shawn got up in front of people and performed? You got him to do that?”

“I don’t know. I organized it, and I gave him a little pep-talk but it was all on him to get up there and actually do it. Why? Did I do something wrong?”

She stared at you for a second, hers fingers gripping lightly at your arm.

“You have no idea what you’ve done for him have you?” She whispered to herself. “Shawn hasn’t gotten on a stage since high school.”

You nodded. “No, I know. Because Manny signed him and he was afraid to break his contract.”

“No, you don’t understand. Shawn wasn’t afraid of breaking his contract. He found that performing was too painful. He didn’t like getting a taste of his dream, if it meant he was never going to have the real thing. If he got up on a stage and performed, he might have done it because of his love for music, but make no mistake darling. He also got up there out of love for you.”

You didn’t even know where to begin with that. It completely resituated that night and that experience differently in your mind. He hadn’t just been afraid of failing. He’d been afraid of doing well. Because if he did well, all that meant was that he never got to progress. He never got to do better. Suddenly you were reminded of that night on the Ariana tour where he told you he was stuck, that he would always be stuck. In your quest to make him happy, you’d missed a large piece of the puzzle, and you were a tiny bit afraid that you pushed him to do something that did more harm than good.

There’s no time to discuss the matter further before Shawn stepped quickly back into the room. He wrapped his arm around the back of your chair and launched into a story about the time Karen took him to see the Maple Leafs play when his dad was too busy to do it. The level of excitement that he had for her and for that small moment of his childhood was enough to hook you to the story. The rest could wait for now.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

“I’m gonna go to bed a little early.” She yawned. “I think the flight wiped me out a bit.”

He nodded rubbing circles as soothingly into her back as he could.

“Okay. You want me to follow you up? We could run a bath or something.”

She smiled and squeezed at his hand on her back before tugging it softly off her skin.

“No. I want you to go spend time with your mother. That’s why we came here, remember?”

He pouted slightly. “Is there a rule that says I can’t spend time with my mum and take a bath with my girlfriend? Not at the same time, obviously.”

“Not a rule. Think of it more as a delegation. I am giving you the task to go spend time with your mom. Me and a bubble bath are never far away. Trust.” She grinned. “Now good night.”

She’d made up her mind clearly. There was no changing it. He learned that more and more about her by the day.

“Good night Karen!” She called as she headed up the staircase.

“Oh goodnight, darling!”

He spent a few seconds watching the way her ass move as she walked. A bubble bath sounded better than good in that moment.

He returned to the kitchen to help his mum clear and wash the dishes. In all of the grandiose design of the estate; the garages, the garden, the pond, the chandeliers on every floor, his mum always refused to have a dishwasher. She said she liked the monotony of washing them herself. It was her favorite chore when she was a child. He may not have exactly shared the sentiment, but it was without a doubt a memorable moment of his childhood. She stopped letting him wash, when she decided he couldn’t scrub to her level of satisfaction, but always let him rinse and dry. When he joined her in the kitchen she tossed him a drying towel over his shoulder with a smile. They settled into work alongside each other just like old times.

“Thank you for coming to visit me.” She said to him, softly. “I know how busy you are in New York. And I don’t mean to be a bother I just...I miss you. I hope you know that.”

“I know. I do, I promise. I miss you too. I wish that I---I just need to visit you more out here. There’s no excuse. It’s just hard with everything with dad, and trying to get through work now. It’s been hard finding my stride as a man I guess. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing. I just know I don’t wanna be like him.” He mumbled.

“Oh sweetheart, you’ve never been like your father. Not even when you try to be.”

He rolled his eyes playfully at her and took the plate that she handed him to run under the hot water.

“Sometimes I see some of him in the things I do though. The cockiness. The entitlement to everything around me. That’s him mum. That’s all him.”

She ran her sponge over a pesky stain of dried mashed potato and hummed in thought.

“So much of that is my fault too. I never fought your father as hard as I should have. He wanted you to have everything, just so he could say that you did. And I tried to balance that, tried to give you a normal life, but I lost. I wanted to keep you here until you turned eighteen, and we both know how that went. Sure you can be a bit of an asshole, and so much of the world has already been offered to you because of who we are, who your dad is. But your heart is good. I’ve always known that about you. And that’s all that matters, baby.”

“Is it bad that...I didn’t really care how people perceived me until I met her? I was kind of happy with being more like dad. It meant that we fought less, that he was nicer to me, that being at the company was easier. I almost forgot what it was like to fight against that until she looked me in the eye and told me she wasn’t impressed with anything that I was.”

She laughed. Honest to god laughed.

“She’s a feisty one isn’t she?” She snorted. “Doesn’t take any of your shit, that one. I like that. I like her.”

He chuckled softly to himself. “You don’t know the half of it. She barely gave me the time of day the first three months I knew her. I tried to uh impress her once by showing up to her place with these...really stupidly expensive chocolate strawberries that were dusted in gold or something. But, I didn’t offer them to her as a gift. I just left them on the counter open for the world to see? She looked at me like I was a complete and total jackass.”

“My boy. You tried at least.” She giggled patting him playfully with a wet hand. “You really like her, aye?”

He couldn’t help but laugh. His heart literally jumped in his chest just at the words coming out of her mouth. He didn’t even know what to say.

“I’m like...stupidly, crazyily, overwhelmingly in love with her.” He mumbled, eyes on his fingers barely moving to dry the cup that was in his hand. “I think she might break my heart one day.”

“Hmmm. And what makes you think that?”

“It just doesn’t really make sense does it? For her to want me the way that I want her. I know what I see in her. I see everything. Everything that’s good in the world, and thensome. Me? I’m just some spoiled rich kid from toronto with daddy issues. There are gingerbread men with more uniqueness.” He sighed. “The crazy part is she thinks we might not fit together because of how we grew up, and I’m just terrified she’s gonna realize at some point that all of this is a joke. It’s me who doesn’t really deserve her.”

He felt more than heard the splash of his mum dropping whatever dish she’d been holding beneath the water. When he turned to her she had her serious eyes on. The ones she used to pull out to scold him when he was younger, or to get him to stop dicking around when he was too riled up. They were persuasive as all hell, and he stares deeply into them even now.

“You listen to me, Shawn Peter. I didn’t raise someone unworthy of anything in this life. I know your childhood wasn’t ideal but you’re a person just like any other person. And I raised you to believe that everyone deserves to love and to live and to be happy didn’t I?”

He smiled sadly. “Yea, mum. You did.”

“So then you get it too. Everyone gets it including you, do you understand me?”

She reached to touch his cheek, her palm wet and soapy, but he hadn’t felt so small in such a long time. He’d missed her.

“She’s lovely. She’s really special. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve her. That means you work every day to show her why you do. And hopefully, if you’re lucky, she shows you the same. That’s how it’s supposed to work. What the two of you have is special. So, don’t be afraid of it. Nurture it.”

He wrapped his hands gently around her wrists just to feel more connected to her. He nodded his head slowly to show her that he understood. When he did, she smiled and kissed at his forehead the way she used to when he was little. Any reservation he may have had about coming home was long gone now. And he couldn’t help but remember that it was once again y/n who had given him the push he needed to get here.

When the dishes were washed and his mum disappeared into her own room for the night, although not without leaving the hallway light on, he made his way back to her. It became incredibly evident that she hadn’t been sleepy at all when he caught her in bed answering work emails. She just wanted to give him alone time with her. And he was really glad that she did.

“Sleepy, aye?” He chuckled crawling into bed beside her.

She smiled as he nuzzled his face into her arm to distract her from typing.

“Is that all it takes to get the Canadian coming out of you? Just gotta get you back to the North star huh?”

“Funny. My mum said goodnight by the way. Guess she knew you weren’t so tired too.”

She hummed softly. “She’s really sweet. I see a lot of her in you now. You make a lot more sense to me now.”

“Yea? In what way?”

He reached for her laptop, shutting it softly, and setting it on the bedside table. He reached for her next, happy to feel the way she could mold into his arms so perfectly. She played with the rosary around his neck while she spoke, and it was as soothing for him as it was for her.

“All I knew of you back in New York was Manny. And, so I could never piece together the whole fuck boy persona with this, who you are to me now. The kindness and the softness and the warmth is so much of you; it’s all of you. Those two sides are just so different. I didn’t know if like emotional attachment was the key, which would be kind of fucked up in my opinion, or what it was. Like only respecting women if you’re interested in them is horrible, ya know?  But now I know.”

She smiled smally to herself as if she had a secret that he wasn’t aware of.

“What do you know?”

She looked up into his eyes and it took his breath away.

“You’re not some dickhead, fuck boy. At least not really. You’ve been hurt a lot in your life by a lot of different people. And I think somewhere along the way you got the idea that being cold, being shut off from the world would just be easier. And I think I know who taught you that, and I’m really fucking sorry cause that’s such a miserable existence to have. I know from experience. But I like you. And it feels really good to know that this is who you are. This is who you’ve always been. A little fluffy Canadian.”

She reached up to tuck one of his curls back and he just had to kiss her, didn’t know if he could breathe for another second without it. She was too good to him in every way. And he was so incredibly in love with her. Kissing her felt right. It felt like the only way to express this thing that was just bubbling up inside of him always.

“I love you.” He whispered against her mouth. “I think you make me better than I ever was before.”

She shook her head at him. “Nah. I’m just here to show you what you almost forgot. You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

They lay there for a moment, with nothing but the feel of her skin against his and his heart beating in rhythm with hers. He felt the way that he tended to feel when he needed to write a song. A sort of energy was in him that felt like it might burst at any moment. His fingers were itching and he couldn’t really sit still. But instead of a song in his head and in his heart, all he had was her. And it was infinite.

“Are you tired?” He asked her.

“Not really why?”

“Get up. It’s my turn to take you to a random undisclosed location”

***

*y/n’s point of view*

You were shivering. Honest to god shivering. Your black ass was from Georgia and it did not like to be below 73 degrees at any one point. Shawn had taken you into the arctic as far as you were concerned. New York didn’t have shit on Canada. It was cold and your tits were chattering, and this boy was sitting here trying to be romantic or something.

“Shawn, I love you, but if you don’t tell me where we’re going my black ass is going back to the heated seats. I’ve grown soft. I don’t like this.” You whined.

Shawn laughed and paused to peel his jacket off. He then turned and wrapped it around you before pulling the hood to your sweatshirt over your head. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you through a little more grass until you reached your destination. A football field.

“This is it.” He pointed pulling you a little deeper into the field.

“Okay. And we’re here...because?”

He slid a backpack off of his shoulder and proceeded to pull out a large, thick quilt, which he laid out on the ground. Next were a few candles as it was dark as all hell out there. He turned to you with a soft smile on his face and reached for your hand to pull you close.

“This is uh where I would’ve went to high school if we hadn’t moved to the states. I used to go to games with Brian whenever my parents would let me fly back here. We would come here at night and fuck around and be stupid. I noticed one day that you can see the stars like really perfectly from here. And I always wished that we could have just stayed here and I could go to school like a normal kid. Maybe bring a really pretty girl out to the football field to look up at the stars ya know?” He smiled. “Guess I got my wish after all.”

Well wasn’t that just the sweetest shit you’d ever heard in your life?

You lied down on the quilt together, your heads pressed together, legs intertwined. The sky was so dark that it was overwhelming. It felt like it was falling in on all sides. But the stars were these beautiful little dots of light everywhere. It was wonderful. You’d never really been the type to lay down and look at them, but lying beside this man who had wanted to for who knows how long felt like the most amazing thing in the world. It was just you, him, and the stars. Nothing else. It felt incredible. You couldn’t have asked for more.

“It’s beautiful.” you told him. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

You turned your head to see him, but he was already looking at you with that smile of his that was soft and goofy and full of love. God, how you loved him too.

“Thank you for everything. All of it. Everything that we are. I really wanna make you happy, okay? As much as I can.”

You tightened your fingers in his sweater and pressed your face closer to his.

“You do. You already do.” You promised.

And he did.

*twenty minutes later*

“Can I ask you something?” You asked hiding your nose in the warmth of his neck so that cold air couldn’t get to it.

“Of course.”

“Why did you perform that night. At the pub? What made you get on stage?”

His arms tugged a loose part of the blanket he brought for the occasion back over your shoulder to hold you better.

“Part of it was that I missed it. Niall and I have been fucking around between his sessions, and I’ve been writing again in a way that I haven’t in years. It felt right to get it out of me, to push it all out again.” He explained.

You took a deep breath and played with one of the frayed edges of the blanket.

“What was the other part?” You asked.

“You asked me.”

Shit.

“That’s what I was afraid of.” You mumbled.

“What? Why?”

He dislodged you a bit from his chest and laid you down against the ground, his body hovering just slightly above yours. Your eyes had well adjusted to the dark by now and you could see him for everything that he was. His eyes were confused and soft. Always soft.

“I didn’t mean to push you for something you weren’t ready for. I just wanted to see you happy. And I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re playing music. But I never want you to feel the need to do something out of some sort of blind allegiance to me. I--I’m sorry.”

“Baby,” He breathed and touched your cheek in that way of his that he always did. “that’s ridiculous. I’m so happy that you pushed me to perform. I--I never would have done it if it weren’t for you. And it was one of the most incredible nights of my whole life. I don’t regret it, and you shouldn’t either.”

You peered up at him hesitantly, your nerves getting to you as always.

“You’re sure? You can tell me if I fucked it up.”

He smiled and ran his thumb over your cheek again before tapping at your forehead with his finger.

“You get inside your own head more than you like to let on, and sometimes you get stuck there.”

You paused as he called you out in that effortless way of his, never having felt so attacked in your thirty years.

“I need you to know that if you asked me to do something, I would probably do everything in my power to make it happen. And I need you to know that part of it will always be allegiance and love and wanting to do right by you. But the other part will always be that you’ve never let me down. And you always do everything with light and goodness in your heart. So even if it all fell apart that night, even if it all falls apart tomorrow, I wouldn’t regret a thing. Just let me love you, y/n, in the way that feels right for the both of us. And try not to worry about the rest of it okay?”

You reached for his face with your hands to touch and to feel all of the love that seemed to pour out of him with ease. But only for you. Somehow only for you.

“You say that like it’s the easiest thing in the world.”

“It could be. We just won’t know until we try.”

You nodded softly and tugged at him until his body covered your own.

“Guess we’ll just have to try extra hard then.”

“I guess we will.”

*thirty minutes later*

“Hey y/n?”

“Hmm?”

“You think I could live out another dream I always had?”

“Sure. Which one?”

Your boyfriend ran his palms beneath the fabric of your sweatshirt, the chill of his fingers causing goosebumps to rise along your flesh. The fact that he manages to reach your tit in all the layers you were wearing was honestly impressive. And also absolutely ridiculous. He almost managed to hold a straight face but the minute you stared at him like the dumbass he was, he cracked into a fit of laughter.

“You are such an an idiot, it astounds me.”

Men.

***

Tag List

@simpledomain @liliane106 @thecurlsofgod @xeuphorically-moonstruck @euphoric05 @daijanicole @bruhh-whateven@learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @decewill @goldiean@bitchacho25 @bruhh-whateven @justbeingoceana@loveylangdon @iloveshawnieboi @september-lace@valedictorian65 @dimestorebieber22 @MixerMani @lifeoftheparty74 @sinplisticshawn @kamahriii @disaster-rose@justbeingoceana @thecurlsofgod

Arrangement Taglist:

@moonlightmendes22  @cottoncandyshawn @iloveshawnieboi@shawnsblue

@claredolphinbear24 @peterbrokenparker @blackharry@shawnwyr @speakingofmari @moniehp @softmendesss@ydolansss  @MixerMani @kitykatnumber @chonmnds @cottoncandyshawn

[quilloftheclouds]

Novel Prep Tag

Tagged by @ahowlinwolf! I don’t usually do tag games, but this one was fun and it happens to align with the new wip I’m working on~

Rules: answer the questions and then tag as many writers as there are questions answered (or as many as you can) to spread the positivity! Even if these questions are not explicitly brought up in the novel, they are still good to keep in mind when writing.

Tagging @livvywrites @tenacious-scripturient @abalonetea @aslanwrites @surroundedbypearls @ditzysworld @h-faith-marr-writeblr and @ardawyn! Only a few, because I’m not quite sure who’s open to tag games or not. Feel free to ignore!

I’ll be doing this one for Two Witches Woven, since I just starting writing the first draft about a week ago! It’s the second book in the One Siren’s Soul series! (I don’t yet have an introduction up, but I’m working on that now.)

FIRST LOOK

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch).

The Diluculo's crew sets off to return the magical Siren's Soul to its true guardians, their voyage drawing the attention of a rather peculiar pirate captain as it leads them directly into the heart of siren territory. But that’s not all that hinders them: war rides on the tides, and it’s quickly coming in.

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

This is book two of a trilogy! If you’re curious about the first book, check out the introduction post for One Siren’s Soul here~

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

This book focuses a bit more on the Forest sirens than the first one did, but a lot is still the same.

Storm clouds churning with violet lightning and swells of foam seething waves below; sunlight filtering down through calm water and pillars of giant kelp, shoals of fish glittering between; a massive ship with black wood, gold and gemstone dragons, and amber, ribbed sails; a room of secrets locked behind a black door; the clash of blades and smell of gunpowder and taste of blood; mist-like green magic whirling chaotically; glowing eyes and fanged snarls and slick scales and wing-like fins; and a world of endless stars.

4. What other stories inspire your novel?

Quite a darn lot! Of course, the major inspiration from movies was probably Pirates of the Caribbean. There’s also Avatar: The Last Airbender in there and How to Train Your Dragon and LOTS of Peter Pan and just. Lots.

But mostly it was inspired by my personal experience living on the coast and fishing/kayaking/hiking, and from my uni courses! Lots of marine biology and other science! And honestly. So much of my ideas are from music. Heck. Ah. Like, this song in particular was stuck on the wip playlist since the start, and for more epic stuff, all of the PotC soundtrack and epic instrumentals like this and this.

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel.

I wanted to include some ships and piratey stuff too but... only three. Auughh.

MAIN CHARACTER

6. Who is your protagonist?

Celestine, Dione, Caelin, Lá Lúa, and [spoiler] all have perspectives! But Celestine is kinda the main main character.

7. Who is their closest ally?

Uhhhh Phoenix? Maybe? Also someone Celestine doesn’t even remember~

8. Who is their enemy?

Technically the British Royal Navy! Although, Captain Ryans and Rose are pretty close to being the main antagonists.

9. What do they want more than anything?

Celestine just wants to live peacefully for once! Really! To stop having people chasing them for the bounty on their head, have plenty of time and materials for their machine building, maybe possibly get away with a bit of thievery. Is that so much to ask for?

Also! In this book, the main goal is getting a magical artifact called the Siren’s Soul back to the sirens who were supposed to be guarding it!

10. Why can’t they have it?

BECAUSE PEOPLE KEEP CHASING THEM AND BEING ANNOYING (and also there’s some magic chaos going on that prevents it).

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

Aww. Celestine believes that she’s bad luck. Everyone she’s come close to in the past have come to severe harm or have lost their lives, so she’s rather frightened of getting close to anyone new. Hence the belief that she wants to live in isolation, which is... really not true. Nor is it what she needs.

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

nnnmmmmm don’t feel like writing a physical description. Have an art instead:

PLOT POINTS

13. What is the internal conflict?

There’s. A lot! But as I said above, that belief that she’s bad luck versus several people getting close to her (and her desire to get close to them even though she’s trying to convince herself that’s not a thing). Celestine also has severe PTSD and has plenty of guilt towards her mother’s death, and her hydrophobia is especially prominent as an internal obstacle to what she wants to do.

14. What is the external conflict?

THERE’S A WHOLE HECKIN’ WAR? Between sirens and humans? And Celestine’s caught right in the middle of it. Oops. Also the selfishness and greed of humans when it comes to gaining magic from the sirens, and both parties being rife with fear and misunderstanding. 

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?

Celestine really just does not want to lose someone else she’s close to. Being responsible for that would be the worst, though. c:<

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

Someone’s not wholly human.

17. Do you know how it ends?

Yeppers.

BITS AND BOBS

18. What is the theme?

Lost years, healing from trauma, family being more than blood and home being more than place. The consequences of aging/time passing and the inability to return to what once was, but learning to live with the current. (Haha puns. c;)

19. What is a recurring symbol?

LIGHTNING. Zappy zap. You’ll learn why soon.

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)

I haven’t really decided on a specific place yet, but it takes place on an alternate Earth during the Golden Age of Piracy! The first book was in the Northern Atlantic off the coast of New Acadia (modern day Nova Scotia), but I think the second book (this one) will take place in the Caribbean!

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

Ooohhohhh yeah.

22. What excited you about this story?

I mean. Captain Xuân being my favourite character. Is a thing. They make a major appearance in this book. Also just! All sorts of new siren worldbuilding I get to reveal and cool magic stuff!

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!

I have a basic bullet point outline I’m working from, though I often stray from it. I write in order, and if I get stuck, I often find just writing the dialogue like a script is much easier, so I do that and skip parts I can’t write at that time and return to them later!

I have to basically always be listening to music while doing anything ever, so. It doesn’t always have to follow the theme or similar emotions to what I’m writing, but it can help with the mood if it does match!

[purplesurveys]

688

Have you today?

Looked in a mirror? Not on purpose. We just have several mirrors in the house that I unavoidably pass by and look at.

Watered a plant? Not today, but my dad has asked me to do it a couple of times in the last week.

Worn denim? I haven’t worn outside clothes in almost a monthhhhh. And that includes denim.

Washed your hair? Technically yes. I took a shower at around 1 AM? before heading to bed.

Been in pain? Kind of. My left eye has been irritating me almost every night/morning since the year started; sometimes it gets incredibly swollen, sometimes it just feels like something is stuck in my eyelid. Either way it’s always uncomfortable and painful.

Had a nap? Haha, not yet. But since the lockdown started I’ve been having an afternoon siesta everyday. Brushed your teeth? Yeah, it came along with the ^ above 1 AM shower. Kissed someone? I haven’t been able to kiss my girlfriend in almost three weeks now and I’m miiiiiserable.  Used a cheese grater? Nah, I haven’t used one in a while.

Eaten something sweet? Not yet. I might eat a few pieces of chocnut later though. Spoken to a stranger? Not today, but we did have a village guard knock on our door earlier to give my dad a quarantine pass – it’s to confirm that he’ll be the only one in the family allowed to leave the house in case we need to go to the groceries or something. I peeked by the front door to listen to the interaction, but I didn’t speak with the guard myself. Dropped something? Sure. My bottle of eye drops. Felt upset in some way? You can say that. There’s a new trend on Facebook where groups are created so certain universities can just trashtalk one another as a joke. It was funny at first but there are some posts that have gone too far, personal, or both, and it obviously hasn’t been good for my mental health lol. Drank coffee? Not yet today. I usually have it in the evening. Walked for more than thirty minutes? I also haven’t walked much in three weeks. That’s kinda what’s supposed to happen when your entire city is put on lockdown. Signed up for something? No. I’ve logged in to certain sites, though. Travelled in a car? I also haven’t been in a car in the last couple of weeks. I was able to ride with my dad the night before they imposed the lockdown – we were visiting my grandpa in the columbary because it would’ve been his 80th birthday that day. Opened a can? Nope. Thought about doing something crazy? At the back of my head I always think of driving up to see Gab because I miss her a lot, but it just remains a crazy thought in my head. Listened to a new song? Yeah. I have a couple of saved playlists and I don’t know like 94% of the songs in both of them, so I’m always listening to a new song everyday. Written in a notebook? I haven’t. I’ve written on a piece of paper, though. Fed an animal? Yup, my dog needs his breakfast. Checked your emails? LOL NOPE, and I don’t plan to check them any time soon. Told someone you love them? Yeah, before we both turned in at like 3 AM lol. Made a phone call? Yeah I also called my girlfriend earlier.

Have you in the last week?

Update: I skipped this survey the whole day and now it’s 10:30 in the evening, and I’ve already done a bunch of stuff I said no ^ to earlier lmao but am too lazy to change. Let’s gooooooo

Travelled on a bus? Nah. The bus personally isn’t my main mode of transpo and I only get to ride them when I’m in a group and there’s no choice but to ride a bus, like for field trips or for group itineraries during vacations.

Washed your face? Yeah. I did this today because my face was feeling annoyingly oily. Put a face mask on for the first time in a long time.

Used a blender? No. I don’t think we even have a blender at home, cos no one ever makes stuff that needs to be blended.

Received a phone call? Sure. Gab and I called several times in the last week, and my grandma has also called from time to time to check up on us because the lockdown has kept us from seeing her regularly.

Talked to someone you dislike? I...don’t think so. If I did I’d definitely talk to Gabie about it, and I haven’t done that with her haha.

Consumed alcohol? Ugh, bleck. Yeah. I wanted to get buzzed last week and a bottle of Jack Daniel’s is the only thing we have in the house so I had a small sip and just... disgusting. Whiskey is just not my thing, so never again.

Eaten pasta? Spot on. We had spaghetti for dinner tonight.

Planned for an event? There is no event to plan, and it’ll stay like this for the next 3-4 months probs.

Asked someone for a favour? Sure, I asked Gab to be the one to write the write-up that’s going to be on my college yearbook.

Watched something funny? I’ve been watching tons of these to fight off boredom during the break.

Trimmed your nails? Yep, they were getting long and uncomfortable so I got rid of them.

Browsed Reddit? Also yep. School kept me busy for a couple of months and I wasn’t able to use Reddit then because I’d usually pass out by evening. But right now I have more than enough time to browse it, so I’ve been doing some catching up.

Talked to yourself? I guess? Not as much as before the lockdown though, because I’ve already been usually by myself throughout this break, and don’t feel the ~need to talk to myself.

Purchased tickets for something? Nah. They cancelled almost all future events up until May or June...there’s no tickets to be bought at all to begin with.

Felt like you were annoying someone? Meh, it happens every now and then.

Cleaned a toilet? I’ve never done this at all.

Reminisced about the past? LMAO yeah. Someone created a Facebook group that lets alumni from my high school just shit-talk the school and bring back (and reveal) old drama, scandals, and controversies. It’s hilarious, it hasn’t pissed me off, and past students exposing teachers who turned out to be trash and/or perverts is so satisfying.

Used headphones? I haven’t had headphones in a while.

Laughed with a friend? Yeah, but just virtually. I haven’t heard most of my friends’ voices in a while.

Cooked dinner and then didn't feel hungry? Nah. I HAVE helped my dad make dinner a few times this week, which is like huge baby steps for me in learning how to cook haha.

Written a list? I don’t think I have in the last week.

Played an instrument? Nope. Felt jealous or envious? It happens. Ignored a text message on purpose? Lol yeah I guess. There were times I got fed up with Gab being such a slow replier that when she replies, I stopped wanting to open my inbox. Congratulated someone? I just did! UP’s med school results were released a few hours ago and I congratulated my friend Michelle for passing. Her decision was super clutch – she initially passed med school as early as high school but she declined it so she can take journalism instead, because it’s what she thought she liked at the time. Four years into the course and she realizes she hated it, so she made the really clutch decision to review for med school exams and she ended up passing every single one she took, UP being the icing on the cake. Honestly I wish I had balls like her.

Have you in the last month?

Made a piece of art? I don’t think so.

Rewatched one of your favourite tv shows or movies? I rewatch Friends at least once or twice a month, so ya got me there.

Called a plumber? We haven’t needed to do this.

Been to a see a doctor? Yup, an optometrist. Something’s been going on with my left eye for a while, so I went in to have a checkup a couple of weeks ago.

Finished a book? I did :o I had to read an entire book to make an essay for my business news class. It’s an investigative piece on the fast food industry, which I honestly dig, so I didn’t have a hard time reading and finishing it.

Had a crush on someone? Sure.

Travelled on a train? Definitely haven’t done this at all, except for that one time three years ago when I had to do it with Jum to go to the House of Representatives in Manila.

Worn heels? I don’t think I did, no. Been to a friend's house? Yeah, I was at Gabie’s a couple times before the lockdown started. Shared a bed with someone? ^ Just her. Been to see a movie at the cinema? Haven’t been to since Knives Out last December. Paid attention to celebrity drama? Nah. High school drama though, I’ve been all over that the last couple of days lmao. Felt anxious? I feel it at least once a day. Taken an elevator? Sure. Given someone the cold shoulder? Only when I don’t reply to Gab because she takes too long to reply, lol yeah. It doesn’t last too long though; it’s just a playful tantrum thing. Purchased a new book/game/movie? Nah, I think I find most of my content on YouTube/Netflix anyway. Applied for a job? Hahahahahahahahahahhaha not yet don’t rush me. Used a printer? I don’t think so. Had lunch in a park? But do we have parks at all? Lmaooooooooo Gotten a manicure or pedicure? Definitely not into those. Made an appointment? Ish? If the one with the optometrist counts. Had a blood test done? Not since 2010. Suffered from a major bruise? Lol dude I haven’t moved a lot in the last few weeks, there’s absolutely no reason for me to get a bruise. Researched a topic in-depth? Yes. I am in school, after all.

Have you in the last year?

Been to the beach? Yep, but it’s been a literal year and not less than, and I am haaaaaardcore missing the beach. No idea when I’ll be coming back.

Visited someone in the hospital? No and I hope I won’t have to for now, given what’s been going on.

Played pinball? Ooh I just did earlier this month! Gab and I went to BGC for a whole night of partying, and when everyone went home we stayed so we can go bar-hopping, and there’s a place called Barcade that’s...well, you get the name. ANYWAY they had sooo many vintage arcade games and a couple of pinball machines, and we didn’t waste time playing each of them. It was sooooo fun.

Travelled on a plane? A couple of times.

Worn a costume? I was Dora for Halloween, so yup.

Been thrift shopping? I don’t...think so?

Thought about getting pregnant or got pregnant? Hell no.

Made a big life decision? Not really. Hasn’t everyone’s lives been put on hold because of this stupid virus?

Changed a lightbulb? Never had at all, really.

Framed something and put it on your wall? Nah. I’m not really that kind of person.

Been stargazing? I’ve been doing this a lot recently cos I’ve been staying at the rooftop at night more often. And with everyone at home, the light pollution has been clearing up and the stars have been so much easier to see.

Made a new friend? If the new applicants for our org count, then yes.

Added to a collection? I don’t have any.

Been to the dentist? Oh yeah. I had a really bad toothache throughout December but the dentist took it all away ahhdkjfhdjsfhsf I’m so grateful lmao.

Broken up with someone? Nope.

Held a baby? That’s a bigger nope.

Created a budget? Nah lmao I would never be able to follow it.

Confessed feelings for someone? Already did.

Had surgery of any kind? Nope and I hope I’ll never need one.

Quit a job? Never had a job,

Been in a car accident? NO thank god hahahahahahaha Purchased something worth over a grand? Yep, one of my Christmas gifts for Gabie was well around two grand. Pesos though, so that’s like roughly $40. Been on vacation at least 500km/300mi from home? Yeah, we always do at least one of these when my dad’s home. Applied for an academic course? Does enrolling count? I’m still in college lmao. Had your photo taken by a professional? I had my grad shoot taken last January.

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie’s Road Trip: Part 1

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer-Evans (OFC)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: language, graphic sex

Story Summary: Chris Evans and his wife, Ellie Spencer-Evans, drive from Los Angeles, California to their rental house near Atlanta, GA in April 2017. A good portion of the trip takes place on Route 66.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This story can also be read on AO3 and Wattpad.

The Chris & Ellie Bonus Stories Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Chris & Ellie's Road Trip: Part 1

April 18, 2017

With Daisy and Dodger following, Chris Evans made his way up to the bedroom he shared with his wife of two months. Knowing he'd find her in their walk-in closet, he made his way over, but stopped in the doorway when he found her sitting against the drawers looking at her phone. She was supposed to be packing, but the two hanging clothes boxes and the other boxes they'd brought up earlier were all empty.

"Need some help?" he asked, leaning against the door frame. He was slightly annoyed by the fact that she'd been up here for two hours and hadn't gotten anything done, but shook that off since they'd spent the last couple days packing up everything they wanted to take with them to Georgia for the next several months.

"I don't know what to pack," she confessed, looking up at him. "And my sisters and friends have been absolutely no help. Neither has your brother."

Chris pushed himself off the doorframe and joined her on the floor. "You had no problem packing your craft and work stuff," he commented. "What's different about the clothes?"

"I'm sort of married to someone super famous," she replied, holding up her left hand and showing off the diamond engagement ring and matching wedding ring. "I can't exactly go to the grocery store in ratty clothes anymore. Not to mention it's fucking hot in the south during the summer." She sighed. "And then there are the dresses. I mean am I going to need a cocktail or more formal dress? Do I need to pack one or five just in case?"

"I happen to like you in ratty clothes," Chris said, bumping her knee with his own. "And we aren't really in a bubble in Atlanta like we are here. Sure, there are people hanging out around the set and stuff, but for the most part, they don't follow us anywhere. As for the dresses, you probably won't need anything super fancy, but maybe a dress or two? I mean, it's not like you can't go to the mall or something if you need a dress."

"You make it seem so easy," she replied, laying her head on his shoulder. "I don't know how you do this all the time."

"Well, I do cheat a little when I'm doing press stuff." He chuckled. "But the studio prefers what the stylist puts together for me." He wrapped his arm around her. "Would you like me to help you pack? Even if it's just to stop you from packing all of your Oregon Duck shirts?"

"Oh, they're are all coming," Ellie stated, elbowing him softly as she sat up. "Don't pretend that you didn't pack all of your Patriots stuff."

"I noticed all the Oregon and Seahawk stuff is packed up downstairs, too," he noted. "But I guess it wouldn't be our home without our favorites with us."

"Exactly," Ellie replied as her eyes shifted to the empty boxes. She sighed. "Guess it's time to get this part done. Help me up."

Chris shook his head, but got up. He then held out his hands and helped haul Ellie to her feet.

"Thanks," she said. Turning to look at the boxes, she frowned. "I hate moving. Let's never move."

"We'll have to move eventually," he stated as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. "You know my feelings about raising kids in LA…"

"I know." She patted his forearm. "But I might just sell everything and buy everything new."

"That might work for your craft stuff, but you hate shopping for clothes," he reminded her with a chuckle.

"Oh, right," she sighed. Looking at the boxes again, she added, "Maybe I should pack my stuff for our trip, too. Then I don't have to worry about that either."

"That would be a good idea," Chris agreed. "Seeing as we leave tomorrow night."

With Chris due to start filming for Marvel in Atlanta in two weeks, he and Ellie had decided to drive to Georgia in her Honda CR-V with the dogs instead of flying. Rather than driving the interstate and getting to Georgia in a couple days, they had decided to make a week of it and drive as much of Route 66 between Santa Monica, California and Oklahoma City, Oklahoma as they could. They'd spent the last couple weeks consulting websites, maps and books to determine where they'd be able to travel on the old mother road and where they'd have to drive on Interstate 40. Once they left Oklahoma City, they would use the interstate highway system to get to their rental house outside of Atlanta.

Before they could leave, however, they had to finish packing up what they wanted to have in Georgia and get those items ready to be shipped by the studio to their rental house. Since they would already be on the road when the truck came, Chris's brother, Scott, would make sure everything they packed ended up on the truck.

It took Chris and Ellie the better part of an hour to select and pack what she'd need in Georgia. There were some drawers (socks, underwear, bras, etc.) that they just dumped into boxes and she fished out a few items for her suitcase. For the rest of her clothes, they were selective in what they packed. Nearly all of her t-shirts, jeans and shorts were packed, but they didn't pack any of her formal dresses and only a couple cocktail dresses. She included a few casual dresses and skirts and Chris added a couple more with a playful gleam in his eye.

That playful gleam lead to a make out session that was interrupted by Scott yelling into their bedroom and asking if they wanted to get pizza before the Red Sox game started. They both answered yes and straightened their clothes before returning to what they'd been doing before their unscheduled break. They added a couple more things to the boxes before they sealed them closed. Then they hauled them downstairs to the garage where they'd set up a loading zone for the stuff that was going with them to Georgia.

By the time they were finished, the pizza had arrived and the Red Sox game was underway. They joined Scott in the basement to watch the game while they ate pizza and drank beer. They were all happy to see that the Red Sox had gotten past the flu and other viruses that had ravaged the clubhouse for the first couple weeks of the season.

The mood on the couch was a little bittersweet as Chris and Ellie prepared to leave while Scott stayed behind. He'd moved into the guesthouse when Ellie had moved out a couple years earlier and had stayed when she'd moved back in with Chris. Since then, other than holidays, vacations and other random times, at least two of them at been at the house at any given time and now it would just be Scott.

Less than twenty-four hours later, Chris and Ellie loaded the dogs into the back seat of the CR-V and harnessed them in to keep them safe. Their suitcases and the few other items they were taking with them on the drive were loaded into the trunk along with the dogs' crates. Ellie gave her brother-in-law a hug and a kiss on the cheek before stepping aside so Chris could say goodbye to his brother with a hug of his own. Then they got into the car and began their journey.

The first stop on their trip was the Santa Monica Pier, which was technically the official end of Route 66, but it was where their journey on Route 66 would begin. They'd purposely started their drive in the early afternoon as they planned to spend the night at the Wigwam Motel in San Bernardino.

Traffic on the way to Santa Monica was as heavy as usual, but they passed the time listening to music. They had perfected their music playlists by combining their music collections and putting it on shuffle. Just like on their drive to Oregon earlier in the year, the driver had the power of veto. Meaning that when a song the driver hated came on, they could choose for it to be skipped. Since they both had similar tastes in a wide range of music, the veto wasn't used very often and was typically reserved for a song that really grated on the other person's nerves.

When they arrived at the pier, it took them awhile to find a parking spot, but Chris finally found one a couple blocks away. Ellie snickered as Chris put on his NASA hat to go along with his sunglasses and smiled when he lowered the glasses to give her a raised eyebrow. Leaning over, she gave his lips a peck before going back to her side to grab her own hat, a Boston Red Sox one.

Getting out of the car, they put the dogs on their leashes and then walked down to the pier. They found the "End of the Trail" sign and Ellie stopped a pier employee to ask if they would take a picture of them. They posed for the photo and thanked the employee before making their way back to the car.

"Atlanta, here we come," Ellie said as Chris pulled out of the parking spot.

For the first hour or so, Dodger sat in his seat with his nose pressed to the window watching as the world flew by. Eventually, though, he settled himself down and fell asleep like his sister, Daisy. The dogs were already pros at road trips since they had traveled with Chris and Ellie to and from Oregon for the wedding.

The first part of Route 66 took them through the heart of Hollywood and the major sights until they reached Pasadena. From there, the road passed residential areas and economic districts. The drive was slow going thanks to traffic and the fact that the speed limit was much lower than the highway that had replaced Route 66.

While Chris drove, Ellie called their parents and talked to them on speaker phone. They had told their family of their travel plans, but their mothers, especially, had insisted on getting phone calls from them on a daily basis. Both moms had also insisted on having a copy of their driving itinerary that included where they planned to stay the night and all their major stops. While Chris and Ellie had understood the reasoning behind the requests, it had made them roll their eyes and laugh.

It took them over four hours to reach their stop of the night, the Wigwam Motel in San Bernardino. While Ellie went in to check them in for the night, Chris got the dogs out of the car and took them for a short walk to do their business and stretch their legs. Returning to the hotel's property, he led the dogs over to the cement teepee that their car was parked next to.

After bringing everything that needed to go into the teepee in, they put the dogs back on their leashes and then explored the area around the motel, going into the 'Route 66' shops that would allow the dogs inside. They finished their exploration by picking up dinner to go and returning to their teepee a little after eight that evening.

"I feel like I'm in the Cozy Cone," Chris said referring to the name of the hotel in the Disney movie Cars. He and Ellie sat on the couch in their teepee eating their dinner while the dogs were curled up on the large dog bed that they'd brought with them.

"Exactly," Ellie replied. There was nothing fancy about the motel, but that was part of the charm and experience.

It had been Ellie's idea to travel Route 66 and she had sold Chris on the idea after they'd watched the Disney movie Cars. She'd shown him photos of places that had inspired the locations in the movies and, by the time she had finished, he'd been on board with the trip and as into finding the best routes as she had been.

Knowing they had a full day ahead of them, they finished eating and then each took a turn in the tiny shower. Then they put the dogs in their kennels before climbing into the bed a little after ten.

Day One - California to Arizona

April 20, 2017

The first official day of their trip started at six am with a quick walk with the dogs around the motel. Back in the teepee, they fed the dogs while they got dressed for the day, as they'd walked the dogs in sweats and sweatshirts. Once they were ready, Chris loaded the CR-V while Ellie checked them out.

They had breakfast at a diner with outdoor seating and then got on the road headed for Victorville, California where the California Route 66 Museum was located. With Chris behind the wheel, they drove as far as they could on the old road until they had to turn onto the modern highway system. They had agreed early in the planning stages that they would only stay on paved roads and not go exploring the non-paved parts of Route 66.

To pass the time, they listened to music, but after awhile, Ellie found some online Cosmos quizzes and began to ask Chris questions. Most of the quizzes were pretty dumb and made them both giggle. However, they did determine that he was most like Aladdin for the 'Which Disney Prince Is Your Boyfriend Most Like?' quiz. And, according to the 'How Old Is Your Boyfriend, Really?', they found that he was more or less an adult. The last quiz they did was 'Would You Make Good Parents Together?' and they were both relieved when they got the 'Definitely' answer.

With the zig zagging that was required, it took nearly two hours for them to get to the museum. They had made arrangements with the museum to arrive two hours before opening so they could look around without the added pressure of people recognizing Chris. Two staff members volunteered to look after the dogs while the museum curator led them through the exhibits. When they left the museum, Chris slipped five $100 bills into their donation box while Ellie collected the dogs.

After a quick trip to a nearby park for the dogs to run around and eat, they stopped at a gas station to fill up the gas tank as well as filled up two 5-gallon gas cans for an emergency backup. They also topped off the ice in the cooler and then continued their drive east.

The stretch of Route 66 between Victorville and Needles was called the National Trails Highway and it wound through areas that were nothing but desert and others that were small communities. Along the way, they stopped to check out Elmer's Bottle Tree Ranch, which was a forest made of metal pipes with antique bottles on them.

Once they were back on the road, Ellie got an alert on her phone and smiled when she saw that it was a reminder for Chris's appearance on 'The Talk'. Glancing at him, she saw that he was in the zone driving and singing along to the Guns 'n Roses song that was playing. Leaning down, she grabbed her headphones out of her purse and put them in her ears before she turned her attention to her phone and opened the app for their TV provider.

The first twenty minutes of the show were pretty boring until Chris and his friend and costar Octavia Spencer were introduced. Ellie started giggling as the Super Bowl was brought up and glanced at Chris when he poked her in the leg.

"What are you watching?" he asked.

"You on The Talk," Ellie replied with a laugh after removing one earbud from her ear. "You can be such a little shit sometimes."

"That was a fun interview," he said with a smile as he looked back at the road. "And don't pretend you wouldn't be the same way if the Ducks or the Seahawks had come back from a deficit like that to win."

"Oh, I so would be," Ellie agreed. "You're just lucky I love you and your obsession with Tom Brady and the Patriots." She smirked. "Of course, I have the satisfaction of knowing that the Seahawks did beat the Patriots last season. And since our teams aren't playing in 2017, I have bragging rights until they play again."

"Brag all you want about that little win," Chris said, rolling his eyes. "It pales in comparison to the fact that the Patriots fucking won it all. The trophy is in Boston and Tom Brady's throwing hand has a ring for each finger."

"That's going to make it hard to throw the football if you ask me," Ellie stated. "But I hope I'm not alone in thinking that the best ring ceremony that will happen this year took place on our wedding day."

"Best ring ceremony of my life," Chris confirmed, glancing at her with a big smile.

Ellie made an 'mmm hmm' sound and finished watching the interview. She was smiling as she put her headphones away, a few minutes later. "Please tell me you've paid your debt to the swear jar," she said to him.

He shot her a guilty smile.

"Chris!" Ellie laughed. "You do realize it's been like a year and a half since you guys actually filmed that movie, right? You better hope she isn't going to charge you interest."

"I'll make a donation to the place we got Dodger and then I'll let McKenna know," Chris promised as an Adele song came on. A sly smile spread across his face and he turned it up when he recognized it as one of Ellie's favorites.

"I know what you're doing," she muttered. Within seconds, however, she was singing along with Adele and getting lost in the song.

The highway took them through the Mojave Desert and ultimately to the tiny town of Needles where they stopped for lunch at the Wagon Wheel Restaurant. The dogs couldn't come into the restaurant, so they took turns looking around the gift shop and placed a to go order which they ate on a bench outside the restaurant.

Once they were back on the road, Ellie merged on I-40 and they made their way across the border into Arizona. Instead of heading north with Route 66, however, they detoured south to Lake Havasu City, Arizona, the home of the famous London Bridge.

The resort they were staying in was on the other side of the bridge, so they crossed it and then stopped to take a couple photos. Then they continued to the resort where they checked in and had their luggage taken up to their room. Then they set out on foot with the dogs to explore the resort. As most of the resort's guests were in the areas that the dogs weren't allowed, they weren't stopped very often, but a few people recognized Chris and asked for a picture. He accepted, but asked them to wait to post the photos until the next day.

Around dinner time, they returned to their hotel room and Chris and Ellie took turns showering while the other entertained the dogs and fed them. Then they put the dogs in their kennels before they went down to the resort's restaurant for dinner.

They were seated in a private corner of the restaurant and sat side by side in the round booth. Their dinner conversation ranged from their drive that day, to the drive ahead of them and then about living near Atlanta. After finishing their meal, they didn't linger in the restaurant for too long as they still had to take the dogs out one more time before they could go to bed.

With another full day of driving ahead of them, which included a detour up to the Grand Canyon, they turned in early after taking the dogs out for a quick potty walk. Returning to their room, they put the dogs in their kennels and then changed into their pajamas. The bed and the hotel room itself were a lot nicer than the wigwam they'd stayed in the night before, but it was missing the charm that they'd both loved about the previous night's stay.

During the planning stages of the trip, Chris and Ellie had found that many of the famous Route 66 hotels did not allow pets to stay in their facilities. They had considered having the dogs fly to Georgia, but had quickly decided that not having the dogs with them wouldn't have felt right. As a result, they'd found hotels along their planned route that allowed the dogs, but lacked the historical charm.

Day Two - Arizona

April 21, 2017

The morning of day two started before the sun had risen for Ellie. She hauled what she could down to the car and then brought breakfast up to the room with her before she woke Chris up, knowing he would be sluggish. Then she ran the dogs out to take a quick walk around a designated potty area before taking them back up to the room for breakfast.

The sun was up by the time they got checked out and into the car with Ellie behind the wheel. Knowing her co-pilot and their four legged passengers would sleep during the first leg of their drive, she turned on some music softly and started the drive.

In the passenger seat, Chris was alert for the first twenty minutes or so, but then he put his seat back and closed his eyes. Dodger, who was sitting directly behind Chris, climbed part way onto the reclined seat and rested his head alongside Chris's. When Daisy began to whimper due to being left out of the cuddle party, Chris reached his arm over and rested it on the seat in front of her and she laid her head against his palm.

Having to backtrack nearly to the California-Arizona border, Ellie got onto the Oatman-Topock Highway and quietly sang along with her playlist as she drove. There were a few towns to drive through, but most of the road was through a rocky, desert-like terrain.

For a majority of the early morning drive, Ellie's singing along with the playlist didn't disturb Chris or the dogs, but when Shania Twain's song "That Don't Impress Me Much" came on, she forgot all about her sleeping companions. Chris woke up to his wife singing along with her whole heart and pushed Dodger off the seat before he brought the seat up to a sitting position. For his benefit, Ellie changed up the words of the song so instead of saying "Okay, so you're Brad Pitt" she said "Okay, so you're Chris Evans." Then she flashed him a grin and sang along, "That don't impress me much. So you got the looks but have you got the touch."

Chris laughed and shook his head as she performed the rest of the song. As the music faded out, he said, "I most certainly have the touch, but if you've forgotten, I'd be happy to give you a demonstration."

"I know exactly how talented your touch is," Ellie replied and groaned as the Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch" came on. "Is this from your playlist? It isn't on mine."

Chris was too busy laughing to answer her.

Arriving in the small town of Oatman, Ellie pulled over as she and Chris had prearranged. Up to this point, the road had been pretty straight and an easy drive, but they were about to encounter some very windy roads. They doubled checked the dogs' harnesses and made sure it was impossible for the dogs to slip off the car seats by filling in the gaps between the seat and the floor.

With Chris behind the wheel, they left Oatman and began the twisted drive down the mountain. To keep from swaying too much, Ellie held onto the handle with her right hand and held onto the center console with her left.

By the time they reached the bottom of the mountain, Ellie glanced in the backseat and shook her head. Daisy was passed out on the backseat while Dodger was sitting straight up with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. It appeared he, like his dad, enjoyed windy roads like the one they'd just traveled.

"Did you like that, buddy?" Chris asked, glancing in the rearview mirror.

Dodger gave a happy bark and they could hear his tail beating against the seatback. It wasn't long, however, before the "boring" stretch of straight road lulled the three-year-old dog to sleep like his sister.

They arrived at the Powerhouse Route 66 Museum about an hour before opening and met with the director of the facility who showed them around and answered their questions. They met some of the other staff members as they were leaving and Chris posed for a picture with several of them.

After leaving the museum, they had breakfast at a nearby diner before taking the dogs for a quick walk to stretch out their legs and let them go potty. Then they filled up the gas tank and continued their journey east.

They were an hour into their drive to the Grand Canyon when Ellie's cellphone rang. Chris lowered the volume of the music while she answered the call after seeing that it was her sister Riley.

"Hey, Riles," she greeted cheerfully.

"Hey! Is Chris with you?" Riley asked.

"Yup, I'll put you on speakerphone," Ellie replied. "It's Riley," she said to Chris as she put the phone on speaker.

"Hey Riley," Chris greeted his sister-in-law.

"So I know you guys are on the road and everything, but a girl from down the hall just poked her head in the room to ask me if you were really pregnant," Riley told them. "I told her you weren't pregnant, I mean you guys haven't said anything to the family about being pregnant."

"We aren't pregnant," Ellie confirmed. "Why did she think we were?"

"Some blog she reads said so," Riley replied. "I told her half of the shit on there is just made up, but whatever, if she chooses to fill her head with that useless information that's her choice."

"Thanks for letting us know," Ellie told her sister. She glanced at Chris and saw that his jaw was tense. "I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"Ok, bye guys! Drive safely," Riley said before hanging up.

"I fucking hate gossip sites," Chris muttered, once the call was disconnected. "I fucking hate them and their fucking bullshit."

Ellie stayed quiet while he continued to rant. They'd been together (as friends and lovers) for long enough that she knew sometimes he just needed to get everything out before he could deal with a situation head on. She suspected that his openness during the Gifted promo tour about wanting to be a dad was partly behind the rumors, especially since they'd gotten married in February.

"I'm going to make a post on my Twitter," Chris announced. "It will be one that just says that I will announce on my Twitter when we are expecting and if there isn't a post about it than it's complete bullshit. And then I'll make another that says we are expecting a baby."

"I like that idea," Ellie replied, reaching over and putting her hand on his. "I'm also not opposed to never announcing we're having a baby, it's our business. Not anyone else's."

Chris visually relaxed and squeezed her hand. "How did I get so lucky?" he asked.

"Well, it all started when your mom came into this used book store I used to work at," Ellie replied with a laugh.

Chris rolled his eyes and then brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed her palm. His mom would never let him forget the part where she'd handpicked his wife, but he would always be thankful for her doing so.

They soon stopped for a quick pit stop for the dogs before getting back on the road for the remaining two hours to the Grand Canyon. They drove as much of Route 66 as they could before turning off and taking the highway up to the national park.

When they reached the park, the dogs were more than ready to stretch their legs again and they attracted more attention than Chris did. Both dogs loved the attention of kids, especially Dodger, who loved to ham it up for their enjoyment. Eventually, they had to pull Dodger away from his adoring fans so they could see the national park.

Knowing they didn't have a lot of time in the park, they stuck to viewing areas and visited a few of them to get different looks at the canyon below. In the gift shop, they bought trinkets for their nieces and nephews and collected a couple postcards to send to the kids as well.

They finished their visit with a late lunch that overlooked one of the trails. Then they got back into the car for the drive to Flagstaff, where they were staying for the night. Unlike the two nights previous, their first stop wasn’t the place they were staying, but a place where they could give their two very dusty dogs a good scrubbing.

It was after eight in the evening when they finally arrived at the cabin they had rented for the night. It was south of Flagstaff, but the dogs were allowed to roam freely through the cabin and it allowed Chris and Ellie to stretch out and relax without the worry about the dogs' barks disturbing other guests.

After a dinner made from groceries they'd purchased at the store near the dog wash place, Chris and Ellie stretched out on the couch to watch a movie. Due to the day's driving and activities, however, neither of them made it through the whole thing.

When Chris woke up a little after midnight, he woke Ellie up and then led her into room they'd put their luggage in earlier. Sleepily, they stripped off all their clothes and then got into bed and quickly fell back asleep.

Day Three - Arizona to New Mexico

April 22, 2017

The dogs woke Ellie up around 5:30, on the morning of day three, and she let them out the backdoor into the fenced yard so they could do their business and then let them back into the cabin. She poured food into their bowls and then made her way back to bed with the intent of catching a couple more hours of sleep since they had planned for this to be a late start day.

After climbing back into bed, Ellie quickly fell back asleep only for Chris to wake her up less than an hour later with his hands wandering over her body. Rolling onto her back, she sleepily gazed into the wide-awake face of her husband.

"Morning," he whispered, his hand resting on her stomach underneath the shirt she'd thrown on to let the dogs out.

"Morning," she replied and then yawned.

"Still tired?" he asked and she nodded. "Let me help you wake up."

Ellie relaxed as his hands began to roam her body again, but was quickly becoming aroused from his caresses. She moaned as he kissed her neck while his fingers teased the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. Her legs parted of their own accord as his digits marched to the apex of her thighs.

Chris covered her mouth with his as his fingers reached their destination between her legs. He swallowed the moan that escaped her lips with the first touches and then slipped his tongue into her mouth. All too soon, they broke apart as she panted in response to his fingers working her pussy.

Slipping down her body, Chris positioned himself between her legs and used his mouth to bring her to her climax. Sitting back, he watched smugly as his wife's chest rose and fell rapidly as she recovered from her orgasm. When he noticed her breathing returning to normal, he slipped his cock into her and began the process again.

The room was soon filled with the sounds of their bodies meeting and their cries of passion. Chris came first, shooting his seed deep inside of her, and continuing to move their bodies together until she came a minute or so later.

Their alarm clock went off just as he collapsed at her side. Ellie hit the snooze button and they laid there for a few more minutes until the alarm went off again. Taking advantage of the multiple bathrooms, they each showered quickly and got ready for the day ahead of them.

After eating a quick breakfast and cleaning up after the dogs, they loaded up the car and took the cabin's key up to the main building. They checked out and then hit the road with Meteor Crater just west of Winslow, Arizona their first stop for the day.

Unlike the two days previous where they'd listened to a mix of all their music, Ellie chose a playlist compiled of their favorite music from the 1960s and the 1970s for the day's driving soundtrack.

It took them a little over an hour to reach the Meteor Crater Visitor Center. They paid their admission and took a guided tour around the rim of the crater. Since the dogs weren't allowed in the visitor center, Ellie sat with them outside while her space nerd husband explored the different exhibits.

Knowing how much Chris loved everything space, it was no surprise to Ellie when he came out of the gift shop with three bags. He'd purchased stuff for their nieces and nephews, but one of the bags was goodies just for him. Some of the stuff he bought for "them" was Route 66 inspired, but most of what he bought was spacey stuff to decorate his office area.

Ellie couldn't help but tease him while they ate their lunch and he listed all the reasons why he needed another 'build your own solar system mobile' kit. He also told her he'd purchased a set of glow-in-the-dark stars for the ceiling of their bedroom in LA because she'd been so enamored with the ones in his old bedroom in Boston. To which she rolled her eyes and asked if he was going to study a star map to properly place them on their ceiling. That comment led to a tickle war which ended with Dodger getting involved and attempting to lick Chris to death in order to protect his mom.

Once they were back in the car, Ellie changed their playlist again to one with songs by the band The Eagles. She and Chris sang along as they drove the thirty miles or so from the crater to Winslow, Arizona; specifically, to the Standing on the Corner Park.

They parked the car around the corner from the park and then walked the dogs over to the statue of a man standing in front of the mural that was in honor of the song "Take It Easy" by the Eagles. They took turns posing with the statue and then attempted to take a selfie together, but thankfully another visitor offered to take the photo for them.

Crossing the street to the gift shop, Chris and Ellie were prepared to take turns standing outside with the dogs, but one of the workers motioned them inside with a finger pressed to her lips. She winked at them as they entered with the dogs and then she went back to the shelf she was stocking. Since the store was otherwise empty, so they took their time looking around and purchased a handful of stuff before thanking the employee and leaving.

Getting back into the car, after a potty break for the dogs and humans, they continued east towards Albuquerque with the day's original playlist back on. The over four-hour drive found them getting on and off of I-40 as Route 66 jogged off for awhile and then merged back in. They made a couple stops along the way, but mostly just to let the dogs go potty and stretch their legs.

As their day's drive came to a close, Ellie asked Chris a question that had been plaguing her mind all day. "Are you upset that we aren't pregnant yet?"

Chris glanced away from the road with his brow furrowed. "No," he told her. "Absolutely not." He reached over and squeezed her hand. "I believe it will happen when it's meant to. And until then, I'm happy with it just being the two of us." Dodger chose that moment to bark. "Us two and the dogs."

"What if it never happens?" Ellie asked him. "What if we can't get pregnant."

"There are other ways to become parents," Chris replied. Yes, he wanted to be a dad and he knew that Ellie wanted to be a mom, they'd had many conversations about the topic. However, if push came to shove and they could never have kids or adopt, it wouldn't change how he felt about her. After all, he'd vowed to love her for the rest of his life and he planned to stick with those vows. "And if it comes to it, we can just be the best aunt and uncle to our nieces and nephews that we can be."

"How did I get so lucky?" Ellie said, leaning over the console to rest her head on his shoulder.

"Well, you see, it all started when my mom secretly hired a housekeeper for me behind my back," Chris said, stealing her answer from the day before.

When they reached Albuquerque and their hotel, they checked in and had their luggage sent up to their room, but went out to explore the downtown area since they'd spent most of the day in the car. They got to go boxes from a diner and then made their way back to the hotel to wind down for the rest of the night.

Part 2

Want to find me off tumblr? I’m @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[i-am-grell]

Here’s My Top 100 For 2018 From Spotify

And me trying to justify them! (Look, some are WIP-related, others are jams, some I really can’t explain I just got back into Glee for like a month at one point this year...) Here’s the playlist

1. From a Mountain In The Middle Of The Cabins - Panic! At The Disco

Look, I just love the bouncy piano and the tuba. You can never have a bad tuba.

2. The End. - My Chemical Romance

Goes along with Chapter 8 of my WIP, Interlude, because I’m mean

3. Blank Space - I Prevail

This also goes along with Interlude from Chapter 1 - 5

4. If It Means A Lot To You - A Day To Remember

This one goes with my WIP Blood Bound (This one isn’t posted anywhere) (specifically, book 5)

5. Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes - Fall Out Boy

Another Blood Bound one (Book 7)

6. This Could Be Anywhere In The World - Alexisonfire

Interlude

7. The Curse of Curves - Cute is What We Aim For

This was going to be Interlude-related but got replaced. Still a banger

8. Disturbia - The Cab

The theme song of Dreavyn from my WIP Aaron Being Normal and if anyone has any tips on how to control a chaotic bisexual OC please let me know

9. Jumpsuit - Twenty One Pilots

Funky bass

10. MakeDamnSure - Taking Back Sunday

A theme for Trace from Aaron Being Normal (Won’t be extremely relevant until book 3 (also this was supposed to be a standalone...))

11. Miss Murder - AFI

Funky bass part 2

12. Fences - Paramore

Interlude again - A Selena Walton Theme Song.

13. The Sharpest Lives - My Chemical Romance

Interlude - A Morgan/Selena/Mostly Selena Theme. (Also, a banger)

14. Camisado - Panic! At The Disco

Interlude - How many hospital scenes can I fit into 1 WIP about depressed teens? (Turns out three; maybe four, technically)

15. My Heart I Surrender - I Prevail

Cole’s character song (Interlude) (Also romantic AF)

16. I Don’t Care - Fall Out Boy

Interlude. Also a Mood

17. Holiday/Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

Partially Interlude, partially because Holiday fucking slaps and BoBD is a classic

18. Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard

1/2 Interlude, 1/2 a Mood

19. I Don’t Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem) - Good Charlotte

Dare I say, an aro-ace mood?

20. Check Yes, Juliet - We The Kings

I feel like half this playlist is just gonna be songs from the Interlude playlist...

21. Problematique - Hot Chelle Rae

Some funky bass, call and response, and fast rhyming - an ultimate jam

22. Postcards - Amber Pacific

Interlude playlist

23. Nico and The Niners - Twenty One Pilots

Look, I just really like Trench; it’s a good album

24. Demolition Lovers - My Chemical Romance

This is on the Interlude playlist but there’s such a Bonnie and Clyde feel to it, man...

25. Do You Know What I’m Seeing? - Panic! At The Disco

No. I don’t. Good song to dissociate to, though. I’m not good at instruments but good guitar/ukulele/whatever it is. Pleasant mood.

26. Rough Hands - Alexisonfire

Look, I’m trying to learn how to properly sing unclean parts (screamo parts) which will be absolutely shocking coming from a 5′2″ blonde girl; I need songs to practice to...

27. The Irony of Choking on a Lifesaver - All Time Low

Theme song to the Netflix adaptation of Interlude that plays in my head on repeat. Now if only I could actually finish writing the goddamn book...

28. Fat Lip - Sum 41

Interlude playlist, also listen to it and tell me you don’t hate everybody and this town

29. Say Anything (Else) - Cartel

I like singing the intro/chorus as sort of a vocal warm up...

30. Oh Well, Oh Well - Mayday Parade

Just a fucking MOOD my dudes

31. Whatever Happened To Saturday Night? - Glee Cast Version

No offense to Meat Loaf....but John Stamos... (Also Interlude (Travis) inspo) (Also I was really into Glee again earlier this year... Still haven’t actually watched past season 3...)

32. The Anthem - Good Charlotte

What I listen to when I consider dropping out and becoming a bog witch, but, like, a punk bog witch

33. Thunder - Boys Like Girls

Aaron Being Normal Inspo. The band’s name is ironic considering how Gay I make it...

34. Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am? - Fall Out Boy

I like singing this one when I’m drunk

35. I Don’t Love You - My Chemical Romance

Blood Bound (Book 2)

36. This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

Blood Bound (Book 3)

37. Silver Bullet - Hawthorne Heights

Interlude Playlist

38. Weightless - All Time Low

MAYBE IT’S NOT MY WEEKEND BUT IT’S GONNA BE MY YEAR I scream to myself on a Tuesday

39. Who Do You Love - Marianas Trench

Have you ever looked up an a capella version of this one? Cuz yeah

40. Let The Flames Begin - Paramore

Anti-Depression, yet still Depressed Mood

41. Red Sam - Flyleaf

Depression Mood - also Interlude playlist

42. Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade

Interlude Playlist, and I think the Dreavyn playlist too... Look, it’s just a jam

43. Savior - Rise Against

Interlude Theme

44. Kiss Me, Kill Me - Mest

Another Interlude thing also a really good Selena x Morgan song

45. Hot To The Touch, Cold On The Inside - Fall Out Boy

Aaron Being Normal song also it’s about a hot pocket

46. Newport Living - Cute is What We Aim For

Interlude song that causes drama

47. Meant To Live - Switchfoot

Selena song - Interlude

48. Kill All Your Friends - My Chemical Romance

This is on the Interlude playlist purely because I’m Evil

49. You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring

On the Interlude playlist, also highly recommend blaring this through the hallways of your Catholic High School during lunch

50. Lights And Sounds - Yellowcard

Interlude Playlist also a banger

51. Angel With A Shotgun - The Cab

If this ain’t romantic as shit... Also it will make you wanna declare war on God Himself what a Mood

52. Somebody Told Me - The Killers

I’m not justifying why The Killer’s is on here I’m just shocked and appalled that Mr. Brightside has yet to make an appearance Spotify

53. Alright - Hot Chelle Rae

The English major inside of me wants to correct it to “all right” also Interlude epilogue Mood.

54. Changing - Saosin

Interlude Playlist

55. Bring Me To Life (Synthesis) - Evanescence

The Synthesis version is far superior and allows me to Properly showcase my Amy Lee impression

56. Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bed - Fall Out Boy

Along with J. Michael Tatum, Patrick Stump’s voice is My Religion - the first 23 seconds > The Beatles

57. Pas De Cheval - Panic! At The Disco

Sounds gallop-y

58. Be My Escape - Relient K

Interlude Mood/Theme

59. Science Fiction Double Feature - Glee Cast

Look, all Rocky Horror versions are great, even the Glee one...

60. Dear Maria, Count Me In - All Time Low

I like to sing this one when drunk

61. Stand - Flyleaf

Blood Bound (Final Book. End. Roll credits.)

62. I’d Do Anything - Simple Plan

A jam

63. Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World

The call-response, the spastic drums, damn boi, they’ve got it all

64. Say You Like Me - We The Kings

Catchy song, little fuckboi-ish if you really listen to the lyrics, but it’s not Baby It’s Cold Outside-bad???

65. AMBULANCE - My Chemical Romance

*Choir Ah-ing*, also an Interlude mood considering there are like 2 separate confirmed ambulance parts anyway...

66. crushcrushcrush - Paramore

Look me dead in the eye and tell me Hayley Williams didn’t put everything into her lyrics/singing here

67. Stay - Mayday Parade

Songs for when you’re heartbroken but to the point of dissociating while it rains outside, starting to storm, it starts out with just the grey pattering of a sheet of raindrops and soon the thunder starts to rumble with growing intensity and lightning splits the sky

68. There’s A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought Of It Yet - Panic! At The Disco

I am the victim of Dreavyn Hawthorne from my WIP Aaron Being Normal seriously if anyone can help me control a chaotic theatre bisexual...

69. Lyrical Lies - Cute is What We Aim For

This band’s lyrics are so fucking poetic it is Shakespeare to a guitar, y’all

70. Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy

I always get like a falling slowly down one of those psychedelic tubes greenscreened into the background feeling at the intro but just like totally at peace falling, like kinda like listening to Ride by 21P type mood but then the chorus comes and it’s a jam

71. Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

Just a banger

72. My Own Worst Enemy - Lit

Look I don’t party too hard but when I do we go hard I was at a party on a Thursday night that didn’t end until the next morning no shit one guy I know did a kegstand before going to his English class

73. Come As You Are - Nirvana

Damn Kurt we miss you but you turned out some jams that no one can match

74. Traitor - Flyleaf

Blood Bound (Book 3)

75. Sadie Hawkins Dance - Relient K

The lyrics are so stupid but damn I love it

76. Poetically Pathetic - Amber Pacific

Did you mean literally 90% of my male OCs?

77. Saviour - LIGHTS

The first LIGHTS song I ever heard and I will defend my favourite singer until the day I die she’s Canadian like me, her family is ADORABLE, SHE is ADORABLE and I love her the end

78. Jersey - Mayday Parade

This goes with every WIP I’ve ever conceived and literally none of them are set in Jersey

79. The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

I feel like this song is just a universal mood but no one can explain exactly why

80. C’mon - Panic! At The Disco

Wholesome(TM)

81. Sunshine Riptide - Fall Out Boy

Interlude Playlist - I imagine Morgan singing it and that might end up happening in canon but idk yet...

82. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

Easily in the top 3 Neil Diamond songs if not the top, fight me.

83. First Date - blink-182

Literally just such an adorable song, blink-182 is the best

84. Last Hope - Paramore

Mostly a Selena song (Interlude) but idk I’ve destroyed many OCs wills to live so

85. Black Sheep - Metric

@spotify please put the Brie Larson version from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World on your streaming service I’m begging you - a very gay

86. When You Were Young - The Killers

Good song, real jam, where’s Mr. Brightside, spotify, where is it????

87. Broken Hearts Parade - Good Charlotte

A certified bop

88. All I Want - A Day To Remember

A song for my greedier OCs who just want to stop being tortured but yknow what children life aint fair

89. The Kids From Yesterday - My Chemical Romance

Put this in any of my WIPs really...

90. Threshold - Sex Bob-Omb

Try to tell me the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World soundtrack isn’t lit

91. Sorrow - Flyleaf

Blood Bound (Book 3)

92. Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea - Fall Out Boy

You know when you’re writing intense battles or going to get a tattoo and need a playlist of War Songs? This is like the first one on my War Songs playlist

93. Jesus Of Suburbia - Green Day

A staple in the punk rock genre

94. Neon Gravestones - Twenty One Pilots

Ngl I sobbed when I first heard this one so

95. Pressure - Paramore

Very vocal on the Interlude playlist

96. Starlight - Muse

I first got into Muse because it fueled Twilight but yknow what they’re still a damn good group and Supermassive Black Hole carried the baseball scene which was an astounding piece of cinema so

97. Sleepless in Phoenix - blessthefall

It’s literally just my favourite blessthefall song, fight me

98. Kids In The Dark - All Time Low

My mood for when my dad tells me “you’re 20 you should be able to figure it out” like excuse me for not learning how the entire world works the second I turned 18...

99. Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time - Panic! At The Disco

Refer to My Own Worst Enemy. Add drugs. I’ve never done drugs but..

100. Feeling This - blink-182

*screams I’m Feeling This at regular intervals* (I have no explanation it’s just a BOP)

[streetdancerproject]

My Last DJ Set for The Jam Cellar Is a History of The Jam Cellar

Last Tuesday, I put together a playlist that told the Jam Cellar's story as I have experienced it over the past 15 years.

Chant of the Groove, Fats Waller: Typically after announcements, we open the second half of the night with a line dance or a jam. I had songs for the Shim Sham and the Big Apple at the ready, but I didn’t want to turn my set into a line dance-a-polooza. I opted for the Tranky Do with the song that Jam Cellar instructors have preferred as an alternative to the Dipsy Doodle by Ella Fitzgerald.

Also, The Tranky Do was always more of a Jam Cellar thing. Way back in the early 00’s when Mike Faltesek was living here, he decided to piece together the original choreography. Up until that point, people were doing a version taught by Frankie Manning. Falty had noticed that the version in the Spirit Moves documentary seemed a little different and went on a mission to find any and all evidence of it on film. Eventually he was able to piece it together from a variety of film sources mostly featuring Al Minns and Leon James. This is a video of him alongside Frida Segerdahl the weekend they taught it at a workshop he organized and called “The Toe Jam” at the old Jam Cellar location. (This demo was not at the Jam Cellar though)

Well, Git It!, Tommy Dorsey. As I said before, we usually do a jam or a line dance after announcement, but I did both because I had to play this song, and there was no way people would not jam to it. The much faster version of this song was the one used in the landmark Mad Dog routine, of which all the original JC founders were a part of. That's a pretty lengthy story by itself, but fortunately, I have written about it previously as part of my history of the modern Lindy Hop scene.

The Primordial Ooze

This section of songs served as a quick tour of the musical landscape leading up to the founding of The Jam Cellar.

C Jam Blues, Lincoln Center Orchestra. I’m so confident that this is probably the most played song ever in the modern Lindy Hop scene, that I’m not even going to bother researching it.

Swing Lover, Indigo Swing. Icons of the neo-swing era from the late 1990s. The irony is that this can be technically considered vintage music now. Also, yes, I did cut out that weird spoken word bit at the beginning.

Watch The Birdie, Gene Krupa. On the short list of iconic Hollywood style songs. Another version was featured in the much less famous Hellzapoppin clip.

Alright, O.K., You Win / Everyday (I Have the Blues), Barbara Morrison. Another overplayed classic representing the groove period, but still a great live album recorded at another legendary Lindy Hop venue in San Francisco: The 9:20 Special.

Inspiration

The next set paid homage to the modern musicians that have greatly influenced and supported The Jam Cellar.

Sweet Eileen, Blue Sky 5. Craig Gildner has been a long time stalwart of the DC scene and a friend to The Jam Cellar since before the beginning.

Massachusetts (Live), Gordon Webster. Before starting her own band, JC co-founder Naomi Uyama was featured on a number of live Gordon Webster recordings.

Black Coffee, The Careless Lovers. Friend of the Jam Cellar, Mike Faltesek, went on to play and lead several bands of his own.

Someone’s Rockin My Dreamboat, The Boilermaker Jazz Band. The Jam Cellar has benefited greatly from its relationship with The Boilermakers. They were the band that opened the first night at the new location in the Columbia Heights neighborhood from the actual cellar location in Vienna, Virginia. More importantly, there's no way to quantify how the collective knowledge and understanding of Rich Strong, Marc Kotishon, Ernest McCarty, Jennifer McNulty, and especially Paul Cosentino has filtered throughout the world by way of the international instructors of the Jam Cellar, but it is incredibly significant. In regards to this specific song, I remember The Boilermakers first trying to figure it out at one of their gigs in DC because they heard it from an old Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Meschiya Lake and the Little Big Horns. This represents the contributions of the vibrant New Orleans music scene to the Lindy Hop community. JC co-founder Andy Reid currently resides and plays music there on the regular.

Storming the Air Waves

About 10 years ago, I was invited to guest DJ on the live streaming radio channel that Yehoodi.com sponsored. I turned around and asked if we could feature all the DJs of The Jam Cellar. A total of 10 DJs submitted their favorite songs which we turned into a 4 hour radio show.

Dinah, Cab Calloway  & His Orchestra. The file I got for this song got corrupted, so it cuts out the last few seconds, but I had to play it because Dinah is supposed to be The Jam Cellar’s theme song . . .  

Opening JC Theme, The Hot Club de Jam Cellar.  . . .which is why they re-worked it into this version. It has the distinction of actually being recorded live at The Jam Cellar in one of the spare rooms with a band completely made up of JC staff.

Spinnin’ The Webb Chick Webb & His Orchestra.

Yacht Club Swing, Fats Waller. The live version. Not to be confused with the not as good studio version.

Sister Kate, Muggsy Spanier.

Dark Eyes, Fats Waller. These last few songs are a sampling of what we submitted for the show. Dark Eyes for some reason was the most popular song amongst the DJs. It’s such a moody and unusual song for a swing dance, but that’s part of the reason why I think people love it.

Live! By The Jam Cellar

The next couple of songs were used in signature performances by Jam Cellar instructors.

Jump through the Window, Roy Eldridge. A lot of people like to hate on this song because it inspires everyone to do the claps. However, can you think of another performance that has introduced such an indelible mark on a song that it's hard to imagine the song without them almost a decade later?  Usually the music influences the dance, but this is a case where it goes the opposite way. People who have never seen this performance do the claps at the breaks to this day. Embrace the claps.

I Could Write A Book (Live(1963/Copenhagen)), Sarah Vaughan. Not as famous as the last one, but one of my favorites from Naomi and her soon to be (at the time) husband Peter. I'm also going to take partial credit for this because I gave Naomi this song (along with a ton of other music) when she moved away. (Although I'm actually not sure if she realizes that.) My favorite part is seeing Ernest from the Boilermakers just grooving up there on stage. I normally hate it when musicians camp out on stage during performances, but considering the history between Ernest, Naomi and the rest of The Jam Cellar, I'm a fan.

The Finale

I actually planned my whole set to lead up into this last stretch of songs.

Just Kiddin’ Around, Artie Shaw & His Orchestra. Except this one. Honestly, I just threw this one in at the last second to eat some time, but it is one of my own personal favorite dance songs.

On Revival Day, Laverne Baker. A local favorite. Generally I try to avoid drawing religious parallels to the dance scene because at the end of the day, they’re not really the same thing even if some people feel that way. In relation to this song at least, I like the themes it invokes about the hopefulness and joyfulness of being together. That's not very surprising since it invokes a lot of strong imagery of life in black churches and black culture in general from which Lindy Hop is very indebted to.

No Regrets, Billie Holiday. My favorite Billie Holiday song. Shout out to Mike Marcotte for introducing it to me too long ago. The lyrics are spot on for this occasion.

Shiny Stockings, Count Basie & His Orchestra. When I started putting this playlist together, this was the first song that I put on it, and I knew it also had to be the last one played. If Jumping at The Woodside is Lindy Hop’s national anthem, then Shiny Stockings is its national hymn.

The Encore

Just One Look, Doris Troy. I was totally unprepared for an encore, so I had to scramble. I probably should have seen this coming, but I overestimated lindy hoppers’ collective ability to figure out a social cue. I defaulted to one of my favorite “end of the night, everyone go home” songs.

Dinah, James P. Johnson. Of course someone said that we should swing the eff out to end this. I thought about Woodside or Lindy Hoppers Delight, but this song has a very specific story attached to it.

At the end of the night of one of the first times I DJ’d at The Jam Cellar, I was messing around, playing random songs as the JC crew cleaned up. I decided to play a really hot song that I had found recently, and what came next felt like a lost clip from Hellzapoppin.

Everyone dropped their brooms and trash bags and started a solo jam. This was 2003, solo jazz was not a thing in the Lindy Hop scene, but the Jam Cellar was at the bleeding edge of the community’s understanding of the dance. This was mostly due to the fact that several of the world’s best dancers were living in DC at the time.

I'm sure it is a gross exaggeration to say this was the greatest solo jam I have ever witnessed, especially after seeing some of the best since then. There is no video. Just my increasingly nostalgic memory. 

The song ended, people exchanged high 5’s and they finished closing up. Soon, some of them would be headlining workshops and winning major competitions all over the world. Some of them were already at that point. Others decided to follow different life paths that. But at that moment, it was just a Tuesday night.

This is actually not the song I played that night. It was a  version of Charleston by a band led by Sidney Bechet, but it is on the same James P. Johnson compilation CD as this version of Dinah. These two songs are closely associated to me by sheer organizational chance. Plus it seemed more appropriate with Dinah being the Jam Cellar's theme song, even if few people remember that.

Epilogue

I suppose at it’s worse, The Jam Cellar allowed people to be a little too self indulgent like I am being here. It’s one of the pitfalls of having a nearly unrestrained creative sandbox. However, at its best, it was a place where people could come together to inspire and be inspired; to challenge and be challenged. Sometimes it was through creative performances, other times it may have been with difficult conversations, but most of the time it was with 2-3 minute dances.

The future of The Jam Cellar is uncertain. On Tuesday, they announced a summer break. The website was recently updated with a banner calling it an "indefinite break." To be honest, even if it doesn't come back, I won't miss it. I don’t miss trekking out to Vienna, Virginia to a basement in a strip mall. And I don’t even think I’ll miss the mansion/sauna in the heart of a changing nation's capital. To me The Jam Cellar wasn’t just a location.  

I did the math, and I can confidently say that I’ve spent over 90% of my Tuesday nights at some form of The Jam Cellar over the past 15 years. I've seen people who were moving away break down into tears knowing that they may never return. We've celebrated engagements and consoled divorcees. The room was packed as people took turns telling their favorite Frankie Manning stories the Tuesday after he passed away.

What all these experiences have in common is that they are about people. Folks. Community. I will miss is having a place to go every Tuesday night, knowing that I’ll see people that I want to be with. People who understand some of the fundamental principles of the dance that have not changed since it was born on the dance floors in Harlem almost 100 years ago. While there is plenty of room for individual creativity, you should not lose sight of your partner or the people around you. That's the main thing of value that we should take away from The Jam Cellar that should be carried over into the next chapter of whatever happens next.

[santiagostyle]

U kno what plot twist ill only ask u for all the even numbers this time!!! Unless any of the odd ones involve music bc i know those are the ones u rly wanna answer so

MARK THE DAY KIDS JO IS BEING NICE TO ME

anyway this is a hella long post lmao s o r r y

2. name your favourite books; why are they your favourite books and do they affect your writing?

my all time favourite is To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee which like,, I feel like it doesn’t really affect my writing but it definitely reignited my love for literature which I guess consequently led to me getting back into writing??

also the A to Z of You and Me by James Hannah literally ripped out my heart and stomped on it and I’m seriously pretty sure I finished it within a few hours of starting it. That one probably does affect my writing because it’s very angsty but also in terms of style it’s pretty fragmented which is kinda the direction I tend to go in so!!!

I’m yet to make it past the first chapter but the style of Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy is,,, everything 

not technically a book but I’m a theatre major so ofc i’m gonna include a play!!! 4.48 Psychosis by Sarah Kane ripped my heart out, tore it to pieces, threw it on the ground and stomped on it (also side note it took me a solid week and a half to recover from watching it performed live). the style is so abstract and disjointed and strange and fragmented but it’s so so perfect and absolutely heartbreaking (also big ass trigger warning if you’re thinking about looking it up)

ALSO i got about halfway through before life got in the way so I didn’t get the chance to finish it but I absolutely adore the style of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury and like,,, fun fact I’m actually related to him so ???? i guess writing runs in the family ????? and yeah there are some small parts of that book that I read and thought ‘this sounds like something i would write’ just because i feel like we have pretty similar styles4. why do you like writing? what inspired you to put paper to pen?

I guess I haven’t ever really been happy just living one life or doing one thing at a time so,,,, I write 6. tag any writers that you want to collab with!

hoooooo boy um ?? literally ?? everyone??? but specifically @elsaclack @startofamoment @kasuchi @peraltiagoisland and my girl @johnnydora but for real i wanna write with EVERYONE 8. how many wip do you currently have? which one is your favourite as of the moment?

HA HA HA HA HA for real I literally have like,,, 4 Big Major Fics in the works and then like 11-12 little drabble things also in progress (and by in progress I mean I’ve thought about them and done absolutely nothing else)10. describe your writing in five sentences or less.

sentences suck imma do dot points

- I can’t write chronologically and the beginning of a story is usually the last thing I do

- I have a tendency to write ‘moments’ as opposed to actual full fledged stories if that makes sense? like I find it so much easier to write little ‘scenes’ or slices of life so i often use quite a few time jumps because i find it so difficult to write the stuff that occurs in between big moments

- i always spend so much time and so many words describing the littlest details because those are what i think are most important 

- literally everything i write has a song associated with it and i can’t write without music 

- i either use really long super flowery descriptive sentences, or sentences with like 3 words in them. there is no in between 

12. what do you associate with each of your stories? with your writing in general?

I mean I’ve only published two (2) things on here/ao3 so far but like I mentioned before the music thing so I suppose i associate particular songs with each of my stories?

but also like in general all of my writing comes from a really intense emotional place and like, even if I’m unsure of how my?? mental state?? is doing at a particular time, it comes through in my writing. so if i suddenly only wanna write fluff i know i’m doing okay, whereas i kinda have to be sad to write something angsty like the hellfic14. write a personal history/mini autobiography/author description that you don’t mind sharing.

smol anxious tina fey wannabe spends too much time crying in her room thinking about so many stories while putting off actually writing 16. three pieces of other’s writing that people need to read to understand your inspirations and you?

alright i know like everyone and their dog has already read it but foR REAL @elsaclack‘s sleepwalking changed my goddamn life alright it was literally everything i had ever wanted in a fic and i am still Shooktd to this day okay frick

Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho is also a book that is very important to me and I think everyone should read it 

Neighbourhood Watch by Lally Katz is the first play that actually made me cry just by reading it (like, I didn’t see it live, I cried reading the actual text) because god there’s so much emotion and so many issues that it deals with that are very close to my heart and it reminded me a lot of some people I’m very close to so!!!!18. make a playlist for people to listen to if they want to understand you.

AIGHT I DON’T HAVE TIME TO DO AN ACTUAL PLAYLIST RN BUT I’M GONNA EDIT THIS LATER AND ADD A LINK BUT FOR NOW HERE ARE SOME OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE SONGS:

America - XYLØ

Young Blood - The Naked and Famous

Go Bang - PNAU

Sucker - Peaches

Raspberry Beret - Prince

Salvation - The Cranberries

Hero - Regina Spektor

Caught - Florence + The Machine

Time (Video Version) - Stray Dogg & Devendra Banhart

Leaving the City - Joanna Newsom

September 22nd - Brock Berrigan

Havana - Camila Cabello

Queen of Peace - Florence + The Machine

Regular Touch - Vera Blue

Here I Lie - Marika Hackman

Maneater - Nelly Furtado 

Kiwi - Harry Styles

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

Baby I Call Hell - Deap Vally

Motel - Meg Myers20. describe your writing life in one sentence. 

I have been writing since I could hold a pen, and telling stories since before then22. your favourite characters to write and why.

oBVIOUSLY JAKE AND AMY but like I think I find Jake just a tiiiiiny bit easier to write because I’m always talking about Amy, like, externally??24. name one fact about yourself that you want your readers to know about you.

for real i’ve literally been writing since i could hold a pen. my mum still has ‘books’ i wrote when i was 3 about the adventures of my teddy bear lmfao26. what are your writing goals for the week? for the month? for the year? how many words/poems do you write per week?

HAHAHAHH WELLLLLL i was meant to be doing nanowrimo this month but then some Things happened so it hasn’t really gotten done. my biggest writing goal at the moment is to make some soliddddd progress on the hellfic (it’s all planned and a lot of the next chapter is written i just,,, can’t make the words work atm) so!!!

also i pretty much write when i have ideas?? which is,,, not often unfortunately

[alekseiw-blog]

Guitar Hero Live - Fee to Pay

Guitar Hero Live was supposed to bring back the peripheral based rhythm genre back from the grave. The game attempted to innovate on almost every aspect of its design including its controller. Thus, there is a lot to talk about with this game. I am thinking of dividing this into two parts. One part to talk about the online and monetization; and the other discussing the new gameplay features of the game. 

The game was developed by FreeStyleGames and published once again by Activision. This is the first time since Guitar Hero III that a new developer has taken the reins for this franchise. This most likely indicated a change in vision and an attempt to adapt the game for a modern audience. The game released the 20th of October 2015 for all major consoles which included PS4, PS3, Xbox One, Xbox 360, and Wii U. 

The game is divided into two sections, GH Live and GH TV. This week I would like to focus on GH TV, specifically its use of new monetization techniques. We will look at the gameplay and implementation of both modes next week as there is a lot to unpack. 

But before we get into that, I have been reading Play Money by Julian Dibbell. In this book Dibbell describes his experience with online currencies. He explains that in Mass Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (MMORPG) virtual economies in which players could buy, sell, and trade items were implemented. The process of acquiring items and selling them to make money was directly tied to your involvement in the game. The higher the level you were, the more challenging quests you could take on, and the better the loot. However, progressing in the game takes time and can also involve performing many menial tasks. This is often referred to as grinding. This meant that time could also be considered a currency. Time could thus be exploited for personal gain. Say someone did not want to grind through the game to level up or get a certain item, they could simply buy what they needed from someone else. What is interesting is that these transactions often involved real money, especially when it revolved around acquiring other people’s accounts. Virtual currency and objects now had a value outside of the fictional world. Something that did not exist could be sold for real currencies. The MMO design managed to create economies which impacted the real world. Interestingly, this empowered the players more than the designers as it enabled them to use their efforts in the game to make money in the real world. There was a need to alleviate the grind and players took advantage of that. Of course, this was deemed a somewhat shady practice from both the designers and players’ perspective. However, this type of interaction created the blueprint for monetization in modern AAA games. A similar type of service is offered in GH Live. Instead of this transaction happening between the players it happens between the player and developer. 

In GH TV, players have access to what we will call “radio stations”. Players can pick between two of those radio stations. The stations play random songs appropriate to whatever theme it is currently on. The theme changes every half hour. These radio stations play a lot of various songs; however, the player has no say in which song is being played. Just like the radio, they can only listen/play what is currently on. The trade off for having a huge playlist (494 songs) is that they can’t pick which song to play. After playing a song, based on their performance and level, the player acquires a certain amount of credit. The credits can be used to purchase a certain amount of “plays”. By using a play, the player can choose any song from the GH TV set list to play once. Once the song is over, the play is gone. However, you can use real life money to buy “Hero Cash”, that then can be used to buy plays. Twenty US dollars will get you 6900 Hero Cash. 100 plays costs 4500 hero cash which is roughly thirteen US dollars (you can buy less hero cash for smaller dollar amounts, but this is technically the “best value” deal). I think it’s interesting that the game does not directly let you buy plays. I think it’s interesting they don’t sell you exactly 4500 hero cash. You either buy too much or too little hero cash, meaning there will always be some cash left over after your purchase (which is money that goes directly in Activision’s pocket). Seems pretty sleazy. Of course, with 60,000 in game credits you can purchase the 100 plays. For reference, I have played the game for multiple hours and I am still not close to purchasing 100 plays.

This situation is very similar to the MMO economy. The grinding is the playing of songs. The player can grind and purchase plays. If they don’t want to go through that they can just pay real money and avoid the “progression” of the game. This whole practice, in this context, seems sort of strange. It’s almost as if GH TV was specifically designed with the intent of having the player skip it. It is supposed to be unaccommodating to the player, in an attempt to force them to purchase microtransactions.

 Next week we will focus on the new gameplay mechanics of Live.