#… it’ll probably end up being jimmy anyway

[faerygardens]

Alright so who do we think is gonna be jimmys pretty little thang

[codgod-moved]

man the dailyteamrancher blog was kinda fun i should do something like that again

[umbrify]

realizing it is probably better to Use The Askbox For Its Intended Purpose than to attempt conversation in tags ^^; anyway. YEAH I WOULD LOVE FWHIP THOUGHTS. MY LITTLE GUY. MY DUDE. I LOVE HE. fwhip's throughline IS SO VERY MUCH AVOIDANCE YOU'RE SO RIGHT (haven't seen scott s1 so can't comment on that yet). feel free to elaborate on any of [fwhip's avoidance, the thing about fwhip instinctually shooting sausage, fwhip's relationship to the rest of the WRA]! (also, 13:05 - 13:12 on the twelfth episode in fwhip's e1 playlist, "MAKING PEACE and NEW SKIN!", has the moment with the bow, if you're curious)

Ooh yes, okay. I’m gonna go into Empires season one fWhip and the Wither Rose Alliance, how fWhip handled the rise of Xornoth and the proceeding corruption of Sausage, as well as Sausage’s curing, and the reconciliation of the WRA. Basically, I’m gonna talk about why I love the WRA so much, as well as highlighting some really interesting character moments for fWhip, and his overarching theme of avoidance. Welcome to my Ted Talk.

(If you’ve only ever heard about empires season one through osmosis, or never watched any of the Wither Rose Alliance POVs— fWhip, Gem, or Sausage, this might be a good way to kinda figure out what their deal is. I ended up explaining a lot of context for things, for the sake of saying what I wanted to say, so I feel like it’ll be comprehensive even if you don’t have much prior knowledge of season one.)

At the start of the season, fWhip and Sausage got pretty close pretty quickly. They were partners in crime, if you will, each often helping each other out with various schemes and pranks, such as fWhip helping Sausage get back at Pix for stealing Sausage’s villagers, [fWhip e9, 7:18], even before the proper foundation of the WRA [fWhip e10, 17:25]. Which is to say, they were very close, even before everything went down. After fWhip steals the Codfather head— which he seems to be happy to deflect partial blame onto Gem for, trying to avoid any accountability— the WRA together gear up to create a sort of trap vault, to secure the Codfather head.

The tentative rise of Xornoth began before the vault was constructed, with fWhip having an encounter with the demon happening just before the vault plans were solidified, in his episode 17. In that episode, he makes a log of things he knows about the demon, including a list of things the demon seems to like, which includes two notable entries— “I think [the demon] likes MythicalSausage? And, they really like the idea of the dragon being killed […] they really dislike the dragon. I think their goals are […] the death of the ender dragon, it really keeps coming back to that, and they keep saying, if we kill the ender dragon, they’re gonna be free” [12:43].

This, combined with the need to create a secret vault, would ultimately result in the items being hidden in the End. fWhip, tasked with finding the location of the vault, decides on hiding the items this way, saying “With everything, especially the demon being so scared? Of the dragon? I feel like leaving the Codfather’s head with the dragon, as like a final form of defense, might not be a bad idea. Because, then Jimmy will never be able to get it. He’ll never be able to get it. Nobody’s gonna be able to take out the dragon” [17:21]. He presumes that everything will be safe with the dragon, that nobody will be able to take it down.

Meanwhile, Sausage seems to have almost made friends with the demon. When fWhip visits him to bring him some firearms, he says “Xornoth is uh, is planning some things, it’s great! […] For the demon! For armageddon!!” [fWhip e17, 30:20]. fWhip becomes, understandably, somewhat nervous, yet even here he still seems to… deflect. He laughs, nervously, telling them to have fun, before heading home. fWhip flies off, saying “What a weird guy— people say I’m the evil one. Quite worried about him.” fWhip sees that something is… definitely wrong, with Sausage, and yet he still can’t bring himself to properly have that confrontation. He’s avoiding it, maybe just hoping that things will turn out alright.

Another moment right in this era that I think about often, that I’m not sure where else to put, is the moment where Sausage and Gem have a brief stand down, when Gem says that she’s the most powerful wizard on the server, to which Sausage bites back that she only is for now [fWhip e18, 32:40]. This happens right around when Sausage was starting to get corrupted, and Xornoth promised him great magical power— power that Gem had said he would never have. And I think often about this moment, in the context of the WRA as siblings, right— you’re fWhip, and you’re standing there as your younger brother and older sister are doing the magical equivalent of holding guns to each other’s heads, and just… how do you react? What do you even do? He’s not sure, which leads to that horribly nervous little song he sings, and it’s just… god. It’s so much. Caught in the middle of all the things he’s been trying to look away from, unable to do anything as the two most important people in his life are a hair away from taking each other out.

Finishing up the final preparations on the WRA vault, fWhip expands on his reasoning to hide the Codfather head in the End: “Right now, the only way out of the End is either by killing the dragon, or by jumping into the void […] there’s a little bit of a demon, on the server right now, who keeps trying to tell people to kill the dragon to unleash it upon the world. And, there’s one thing I’m pretty confident in: Jimmy does not want to free Xornoth. And, well, at this point, neither do I. So, if I put the cod head in there, I think Jimmy’s gonna find an ultimatum where he’s like, hm, nope, I can’t get it back. Or, if he does, and he wants to bring it to the overworld, he has to unleash the most evil thing, on this entire server, into the open. So, uh, hopefully he doesn’t do that. I think he’s smart enough” [fWhip e19 9:43]. He tells Gem about the plan later in that same episode, to which she agrees that it seems like a good plan. The idea is foolproof. Surely, Jimmy won’t risk the entire server’s safety, all for the cod head, right? It feels reasonable enough to assume that Jimmy wouldn’t willingly doom the world by releasing the demon, and that’s something that he banks on— it’s the perfect way to get rid of the Codfather head, in a way that Jimmy can never get it back. Surely, nobody would be so foolish. Problem successfully solved!

Right?

Wrong. But… it wasn’t just Jimmy.

The collapse of the Wither Rose Alliance, in fWhip’s episode 20 [4:10 - 7:28], is what finally forces fWhip to really face what Sausage has become. Xornoth demands a sacrifice to allow the WRA to escape the Nether, and Sausage, imbued with the power of Xornoth, takes Gem out quickly. As fWhip is left alone to face an invincible Sausage, Gem pleads with Xornoth: “I was sacrificed! You have to let fWhip out!” Of course, it’s to no avail, and fWhip is forcefully dragged out of hiding to face Sausage once more, being taken down. fWhip and Gem reconvene in Mythland, where fWhip hides Sausage’s dog Bubbles in the ground. Sausage returns, demanding to know where Bubbles is.

This moment, right here, is one I find very chilling. fWhip, a character who so often avoids direct serious conflict, one who worries for people on the sidelines, takes his stand. While Gem demands their stuff back, he says “I told you, [Bubbles is] gone until you get rid of the demon.” He knows this isn’t good, that Sausage is making a mistake siding with Xornoth. He tries the last ditch effort he can think of to get his little brother to snap out of Xornoth’s control.

It’s not enough. Sausage begrudgingly returns their things, and as the two sort through their jumbled items, Gem mutters that they can’t be allies anymore, after this. fWhip agrees, with a haunting certainty, “Sausage, you chose a side… you chose a side. […] We tried to save us all, you chose.” The two stand on the bridge in Mythland, opposite Sausage, and fWhip says it seems like their endeavor that day may have been their last, as an alliance. Sausage shouts for them to leave, and as they take off, Sausage swings, hitting fWhip.

Gem and fWhip fly off, without Sausage. As they make their way back to their lands, fWhip says, in a shaking voice, “Gem, it’s back to just you and me here,” to which Gem assures that they’ll be fine, that they’ll stand up for each other. He quickly accepts her words, saying “Yeah, it’s— it’s all good, it’s all good… it’s all good. He— he took the powers of the demon to kill us, there, that is— that is one too— one too far. That is— it’s one too far.” He’s afraid, having just firmly ousted one of his oldest allies— his own brother— from his oldest alliance, despite knowing that it was the only thing he could’ve possibly done. There was no other option… and yet, he barely gives himself a single sentence to essentially mourn that loss, before he’s trying to pave back on the mask of indifference— look away, avoid, avoid— it’s fine, he says, it’s all good, as if he didn’t just have to do the hardest thing he’s ever done in his life.

But it’s not over yet. Not even close.

(Continued under the cut. This got Really Long)

In that very same episode, a meeting is held [16:30 - 18:03] where fWhip and Gem happily tell the others about how they hid the Codfather head in the end. Everyone else is, of course, terrified. Scott tells them that Jimmy’s just gonna kill the dragon to escape, and that if Xornoth is released, it’ll bring about an eternal winter. Gem and fWhip, realizing they’ve messed up, devise a plan to prevent the Cod Alliance from killing the dragon— they need to heal it, keep it alive at all costs. Gem insists to everyone that they have to be a team, that even though they’ve messed up, that they can fix it.

It’s now or never. They head into the End.

[End scene from 19:20 - 22:57] fWhip immediately flies around to the main island, before stepping down onto the bridge in front of Jimmy. He begs, pleads for them not to do this. “Jimmy— Jimmy, I’m sorry. Jimmy— Jimmy— I’m sorry, Jimmy, we need to not kill the dragon here.” Jimmy demands the Codfather head, and fWhip immediately agrees to return it, reiterating that they must not kill the dragon. It’s this— this moment of being immediately and forcefully thrust into the face of the problem he caused, the problem he’d been trying to avoid, by hiding the Codfather head away in a place where he was sure that Jimmy would never dare to go. It’s this moment of fWhip pleading with Jimmy, to please, please not do this— they’ve lost so much to this demon, they can’t let this happen. He can’t let the demon be freed because of his mistake, he’ll do anything to prevent it from happening. The absolute, terrified resolve of a man faced with a problem he can no longer run from.

Jimmy says he’s gonna kill the dragon, barging past fWhip, up the main island. Chaos breaks out, and fWhip leads Jimmy down, beneath the portal frame. Jimmy says it better not be a trick, and he assures it isn’t, voice panicked. He returns the head, and begs them not to do this, in a soft, shaking voice, “We gotta keep the dragon alive, don’t— don’t let— don’t let Sausage kill it, don’t… […] Chaos, chaos is coming, we can’t— we can’t let the dragon die.” The fear, and absolute certainty… he can’t let this happen. Can’t let his mistake ruin the world.

Jimmy, uncertainly, says “fWhip, I think, whether you like it or not, this dragon is dying.”

fWhip desperately attempts to prevent the dragon’s death, to no avail. Chaos, as the two sides wage war in the end, with Jimmy caught conflicted in the middle. Sausage and Joey, corrupted by Xornoth, cheer for the carnage.

From the moment the Codfather head was stolen— perhaps even from the moment Jimmy started a confrontation with Sausage at all, all that time ago— it was too late. Xornoth would be released.

In a single episode, fWhip’s entire world is turned upside down. The WRA is shattered, the world is fast approaching an eternal corruption, and… he doesn’t know what to do. Gem says they can fix it, that she has the dragon egg, but… what else can he do but to just… shut down. He turns away from it— from Sausage, from Xornoth, from everything. He avoids it all— doubles down on the construction of his city, Eastvale, resolutely looking away from everything else.

With Xornoth freed, and Sausage well and truly corrupted, fWhip becomes extremely cold towards Sausage, to the point of being openly defensively hostile. The brother that he knew… that isn’t Sausage, anymore. One of the best examples of this can be seen in Sausage’s episode 32, 12:54, where Sausage and Pearl go to invite fWhip to their arena. fWhip answers the knock on his gate with a drawn bow, immediately and coldly asking what they want with him, even as Sausage still greets him as a friend. While fWhip is willing to speak to Pearl, he refuses to even entertain the idea that Sausage isn’t here to hurt him, shooting him a few times throughout the conversation, to the point where Sausage is sent away from the gate so that Pearl can speak to fWhip alone.

And… god, isn’t that just so much? You’re fWhip, and whatever thing is possessing the person in front of you, he isn’t your brother anymore. He’s not your friend anymore. He’s not safe, and you’re not safe with him here, even though… he used to be one of the safest people for you to be with. Not anymore. That’s not him, anymore.

And, it’s not unwarranted, with Sausage later saying to Pearl “I try my best around him, but sometimes I just wanna choke him out, Pearl” [15:24]. Yet… Sausage still greets fWhip as a friend, at first. Still tries to talk to him, insists that he’s “not evil today,” and… well, Sausage really did still care very much about the WRA, even while corrupted.

In Sausage’s episode 33, he opens by reading his last will and testament, knowing that soon enough he’ll be taken by the corruption. Within his will, he writes out things that he wants the other emperors to have, should he not return: “To fWhip, you can keep all my deepslate redstone ores… I don’t know what you want them for, they’re kind of useless to me, but… I kept a lot, […] Gem, you can have my great staff of Mythland. Uh… in your hands, it’ll probably be very effective. And to the Wither Rose Alliance, you can have access to my iron farm still” [1:07]. He still thought about them… still cared about them. The fact that Sausage kept collecting deepslate redstone— something that fWhip loves and cares for very much, for the sole purpose of giving it to him, even though they were on such horrible terms… I think about that. He loved them, even still. Even through the corruption, he loved them.

Gem never turns her back on Sausage in quite the same way fWhip does. It was she who cured him, in the end— killing him, at his own request, voice corrupted as he struggled against the influence of Xornoth. She finds him in Mythland, after he’s free from the corruption, and asks if he’s okay, saying she’s so glad to have him back again. He shakily asks her if he can be back in the alliance again, now that he’s cured, and Gem says “We’ll have to talk to fWhip about it, how about for now, you just… heal up over here” [Sausage e33, 33:25].

Gem knows that she forgives Sausage, that it wasn’t his fault. But… she also knows fWhip, and she knows it won’t be so easy for him, that it’ll take time. It has to be his own choice, in the end, to forgive Sausage for everything he put them all through.

Gem brings fWhip around to see Sausage, now that he’s uncorrupted. [Sausage e34, 24:00 - 34:25]. Once fWhip realizes that Sausage is there, he draws his bow, asking coldly why they’re here. Sausage asks what’s going on, and Gem says she’s brought him fWhip. Sausage is immediately distracted by Gem’s wizard hat, and fWhip happily jumps on the bandwagon of teasing Gem. Gem tells fWhip that Sausage is cured, and while fWhip is skeptical at first, having to kill Sausage himself to make sure he’s no longer unkillable, the three seem to fall back into their old patterns. Gem sends the two running into the river, lightheartedly chasing them with her sword, and as they both climb out giggling, she says “I missed this.”

This scene, this moment of the WRA, finally back together again after so long, it’s so… god. They’ve been apart for so long, they haven’t been able to hang out and laugh with each other, and this is the first time in so, so long, that Sausage has been able to hear that light in fWhip’s voice again— that he’s been able to speak to fWhip on any terms that aren’t cold and callous and unloving. They have each other again, they have their family back, unsteady as it is.

Sausage asks if he’s back in the alliance, and Gem says it’s up to fWhip. He seems… uncertain, but says that Sausage can be tentatively back— like he’s still nervous, still feels like something could go wrong. The three of them agree that Sausage owes them both three favors, and then he’ll be back in the alliance for real.

In Sausage’s episode 35, fWhip cashes in his first favor [9:30 - 10:17]. He asks Sausage to come by to help him with something, and as Sausage flies in, fWhip immediately shoots him with a flaming arrow. Sausage flies away, circling around before making his way back to land near fWhip. fWhip greets him with that old harsh coldness, a curt “Hi, can I help you,” how fWhip used to speak to Sausage, while he was corrupted. Sausage says he didn’t come to fight, that he’s good now, and fWhip lets out a slightly nervous laugh, saying “oh, right, right… sorry, sorry, I’m still just a little… it’s gonna take a while, it’s gonna take a while— you can’t just expect me to like— just like, forget, instantly, right? It was just— you know,” fWhip trails off, and Sausage says that fWhip hit him in the face, to which fWhip laughs, slightly, before restating his initial greeting in a much more friendly tone.

And it’s just… god. Isn’t that so much? Isn’t that So Much? Like, you’re fWhip, and you see your own little brother coming, and your immediate instinct is that you have to protect yourself. That you aren’t safe, that he’s gonna hurt you, prepare to fight back— god. Could you imagine what it must be like to be feeling that way? To be trying to reconcile the feelings so ingrained in you now, with the person now before you? He’s trying— he’s trying so hard to let Sausage back in. But… it’s not that easy.

I think this essay has definitely gotten long enough, but I do wanna leave off with one final moment. In Sausage’s episode 41 [11:25 - 14:22], fWhip finally feels able to fully accept Sausage back into the alliance. He tells them that he wants to make them all a new meeting room. The three end up falling back into their old antics, playfully attacking each other, and Sausage ends up getting killed. fWhip picks up a bunch of his things, including a splash potion of invisibility that he had. fWhip cheekily says he’ll keep the potion, and Sausage asks for it back, to which fWhip starts to walk off to where he wanted to show them anyway. Gem follows, and in a disapproving tone, says “fWhip, give him his things.” fWhip turns around, says “Okay, here you go,” and splashes the invis on them all, to which Sausage indignantly says “I can’t believe this!” fWhip immediately starts laughing, with Gem giggling as well, and both fWhip and Sausage quickly realize how silly Gem looks while invisible, with her massive hat floating in the air.

I point out this moment because it really encapsulates why I love the WRA so much. They’re such a chaotic bunch— acting like three siblings who love to tease each other, who get into fights and have falling outs and still, in the end, they make up again. They find each other again. They never stop caring about each other, even through everything. It’s a really sweet little moment— the WRA, finally, truly whole again.

[punkscowardschampions]

Bibi (and co.) Pt.2

Bobby: She’s disgusting

Libi: They deserve each other

Bobby: Jim don’t, none of this

Libi: She’ll be telling him every gory detail

Bobby: What’s the point, he saw, we all fucking did

Libi: The point is, she’s hoping it’ll make her feel better telling him the truth

Bobby: what did he say

Libi: All the ways to tell me to shut up he could think of, all the ways to call me a kid who don’t know nothing

Libi: no sorrys, not even that he loves her

Bobby: She’s the stupid one if she thinks he does

Libi: But

Libi: I think he reckons he does

Bobby: He don’t, girls are just numbers to him

Libi: She’s always been different to those girls though

Bobby: Don’t you fall for it

Libi: From his POV not mine, his idea of what love is not mine

Bobby: She should know better, she has better 

Libi: He said they were over before, said they’ve been for ages

Bobby: reckon that was news to Jim, don’t you think

Libi: It can’t be true, it wouldn’t be news to us if he was right

Bobby: They’re lying because they feel the guilt they should

Bobby: it’s bullshit

Libi: Yeah

Bobby: I don’t know what he’s going to do

Libi: I wish I did 🔮 I’d give you answers this minute if I had them

Bobby: If she begs he’d take her back

Libi: She isn’t gonna beg, she’d rather leave all of us than do that

Bobby: What’s that say about her then

Libi: Don’t please

Bobby: Sorry

Libi: If she goes I have to, if they’re not married then me and Jim aren’t related to each other any more

Bobby: That’s not how it works, he isn’t going to do that

Libi: Drew did as soon as it ended, when’s the last time he bothered with me?

Bobby: Jimmy isn’t like that

Bobby: Drew only wanted Ali really, not you lot

Libi: Why would Jim still want me around reminding him of how it used to be?

Bobby: Nothings even happened yet, she could fix it, you could make her

Libi: He don’t deserve that and neither does she, you said it

Bobby: He can’t be without her

Libi: Do you seriously want me to get her to stay?

Bobby: There’s nothing else we can do

Libi: Okay, I will

Bobby: Alright

Bobby: don’t let on, to either of them though, what you’re saying to her

Libi: I’ve said what I needed to Case and I have no idea of what to say to Jim, it won’t be a problem

Bobby: He wouldn’t speak anyway

Bobby: weren’t last night before

Libi: You’re right

Bobby: now I’m not a kid, he don’t bother

Bobby: like he used to

Libi: I get it, she as good as said last night I don’t need her

Libi: makes sense why now, she was planning to leave me as she wrote it

Bobby: For fuck’s sake

Libi: How could she? 

Libi: why?

Bobby: I don’t even know

Bobby: it’s so messed up

Libi: [when you didn’t bring your inhaler cos you were forcibly ejected from the gaff and you wish you had purely for the comfort of it cos asthma attacks aren’t that sudden but we’re STRESSED and he’d know all of this because whatever she’s doing body language wise rn would have happened before in similar albeit less drama circumstances]

Bobby: [signing this aggressively at Casey which is probably just miming an inhaler honestly like you forgot and she needs it]

Libi: [him just getting her to do breathing exercises or something as aggressively because none of y’all are going back while JJ are mid having their convo and ensuing breakdown lads]

Bobby: [turning back ourself like fine I’ll get it then]

Libi: [Libi having to physically reach out and stop him so Casey can’t and doesn’t like it’s okay even though nothing is]

Libi: I don’t want you to go back

Bobby: This is stupid, it’s my house, you can’t breathe

Libi: It’s their house too and whatever they’re doing I don’t want you there for

Bobby: Fine

Libi: I am, okay? As far as breathing anyway, his fucking suggestion worked, like it or not

Bobby: just leave it then, for a second, please

Libi: [holding a finger up like fine have a sec]

Bobby: [just go sit by yourself for a minute boy]

Libi: [me like not you being left here with Casey and this dog, just fuss Chubby while you try not to blatantly stare at Bobby from afar]

Bobby: [I’m getting angry but you’re meant to be like Jimothy so you just have to go be silent and brood so]

Libi: [him having that anger too but trying to pretend he doesn’t so he’s more like Jimmy than Casey is too real]

Bobby: [super healthy well done guys]

Libi: [oh lads, meanwhile Libi just trying not to cry on Chubby because not doing that in front of you Casey, she’s not drunk yet hun, channel your inner Janis too and don’t sob]

Bobby: [me like good luck dealing with this gal, not fun]

Libi: [just here with these two angry and scared boys that don’t know what the fuck is happening at the JJ gaff rn, but neither do you, eventually though, after he’s actually had some time to chill, more than he asked for]

Libi: Let me in, I don’t care how dark it is in your head 

Libi: [and shining her phone torch at him like a nerd but also it would get his attention probably so fair play]

Bobby: [cover your eyes like ow, don’t blind me]

Bobby: I’m fine, not my missus

Libi: Only one of them’s acting like it, but they’re both your brothers

Bobby: cheers for the reminder 

Libi: You’re allowed to be upset, yeah, there’s your reminder of it

Bobby: There’s no point

Libi: You’re such a lad sometimes

Bobby: It’s not productive, end of

Libi: It doesn’t matter

Bobby: Yeah, it does

Libi: We’re not living in some Orwellian dystopia

Bobby: Kicking off when he’s not the victim is what Casey does, not me

Libi: Standing up for yourself and your family isn’t kicking off, it’s more valid than anything he does

Bobby: What’s to stand up for, nothing, Jim wouldn’t want that

Libi: He gets it wrong too, all the adults fuck up cos they’re only human, same as us 

Bobby: He hasn’t done anything wrong

Libi: Taking her back might be

Bobby: Then don’t help if you think it’s such a bad idea

Libi: I’ve already said I will

Bobby: You’re blatantly on her side so don’t bother

Libi: No I’m not

Bobby: She’s your family, like you said

Libi: Ian’s yours, you’re not on his side

Libi: or Casey’s

Bobby: I can tell

Libi: I wondered about him taking her back being a shitty idea cos I’m on your side, yours and Jim’s, and I don’t want her to hurt either of you a second time if he does

Libi: you’re my family too, you dickhead

Bobby: He loves her, it’s not your decision to make 

Libi: She’s supposed to love him back, not decide to do what she did with Case

Bobby: Then you may as well wish them the best and send them on their way

Libi: If we’re not looking out for him, who is?

Libi: you don’t really want him to be treated like that

Bobby: That’s enough

Libi: Bobby

Bobby: I’m done talking

Libi: I’m not your enemy, I haven’t done anything except be related to her

Bobby: I just don’t want to talk

Libi: Alright

Bobby: [Good times all round, wait ‘til you get back and are not allowed in]

Libi: [not at all awkward getting made to go to mcvickers gaff with this dog and none of your own stuff and you don’t even know how long for]

Bobby: [casually not speaking but you have nowhere else you can go boy]

Libi: [it’s horrible and I hate it, thank god you would have an inhaler there gal cos it’s one of your many places to crash, excuse us just gradually working ourself into an asthma attack casually with this stress trigger, nothing to see here… I’m not letting you have one though girl, use that inhaler like it’s your job so you can be present and look after this boy, even if that’s only giving him his fave foods and putting on his comfort films as well as giving him as much physical comfort as he’ll let you]

Bobby: [sorry there’s so little I can say except going through the motions like it’s our job currently, don’t see that changing in this period when you two are stuck here and don’t know what’s going on]

Libi: [it’s valid sir but it probably does mean we should switch back to a Libi and Janis convo, do you think we should do it when Bobby goes home like where the OG Bobby and Janis one was or before?]

Bobby: [Hmm, like there was plenty of time before we sent him home where Janis was coming and going deciding what to do so we could probably say it’s before if we wanted?]

Libi: [yeah, that’s my thinking cos she was very busy with the jj and jc drama both but as it’s not an IRL convo there are still moments it could fit in, so I’mma say she’s coming at Janis with every single detail of every single jj moment she has filmed recently like look how happy you were I don’t understand, cos blatantly rewatching all the jj content and over-analyzing it all instead of sleeping or whatever, the wedding vid is defs included which upsets me personally, but you what I’m saying, everything and anything cos we all know who her parents are and how much they filmed]

Janis: You’re going to make yourself unwell if you don’t stop

Libi: You’ve already made everyone unwell, don’t act like you care now

Janis: All I care about is all of us coming out of this okay, what do you think I’m doing right now

Libi: I’d rather not think about it, it’s more than likely exactly what you and Casey were doing last time I spoke to you

Janis: No, don’t say shit like that

Libi: Nobody else will, Case’s too loved up and Bobby and Jim aren’t talking at all

Libi: someone has to tell you you’re a fucking liar and a hypocrite

Janis: Go ahead but I’d be lying more if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind before you said it

Libi: I don’t want to hear what’s on your mind, you’re sick in the head for this

Janis: He’s an adult, whatever you rightly think about the cheating

Libi: He wasn’t when he started feeling like this, whatever Bobs said before you made your boyfriend take us on dog walk and he stopped speaking to me

Janis: Newsflash, neither was I, none of us were

Libi: You are now, you’re supposed to be

Libi: and married to his brother

Janis: I know

Janis: supposed tos never stick like they’re meant to, if our family has taught me anything

Libi: So you destroyed it? Tah for teaching me the lesson of who you really are and how little my family means to you

Janis: They’re my family too, Libi

Libi: Not anymore, you’ve lost everything and you’ve taken it from me too

Janis: If that’s what everyone decides

Janis: there’s no reason Jimmy and Bobby won’t still want you around, regardless

Libi: He’s already decided I’m on your side, as if there’s anything I could possibly defend, or I’d ever want to try

Janis: He’s upset too, you have to give him some time, that’s just what they’re like

Libi: Spare me your advice, you were right, I’m smarter than you and I don’t fucking need you, both of which are just as well

Janis: Sure thing

Libi: Yeah, why would you fight for me? You let him just chuck me out and ship me off to nan’s

Janis: You can’t be here, you could go to mum’s, anyone’s

Janis: I don’t have anywhere else but Jimmy needs space, like Bobby but I’m not going to lecture you when you know best and I’m in the position I’m in

Libi: I can’t leave him, or take this dog Case left us with to a house full of cats, chickens and goats

Libi: I’m as stuck as you, the difference is, that’s not my own fault

Janis: Yeah and that’s shit, however shit it is doesn’t mean I can magic up a house for you, Jimmy needs it the most right now, end of

Libi: You did magic up a house for me, then you made it disappear

Janis: It’s temporary

Libi: No it isn’t, whatever happens next, it’s built on sand now

Libi: you said it, we can’t pretend, I know it and that’s why Bobby hates me

Janis: He does not hate you, he doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s different

Libi: He wanted me to make you stay, but I can’t do that when you can’t be trusted, when Jim doesn’t deserve being treated like this and you don’t deserve more chances to hurt him, or Bobs, or me

Janis: Neither of you can make me or Jimmy do anything, it’s our relationship

Libi: Your relationship is over and all he can do is shoot the messenger

Janis: That isn’t how it works when you have ties, as an adult

Janis: he isn’t just some random boy from school I never have to see again

Libi: Don’t patronise me, sleeping with his brother is a decently final way to sever those ties

Janis: Well I’m sorry but you clearly don’t see the whole picture here and I’m not going to wallow in self-pity in the hopes it cheers you up, it won’t, I can’t do that for you, we’re both aware

Libi: It isn’t about me

Janis: Not entirely, or even mainly, no

Janis: it’s affected all of us, still, I’m not saying otherwise

Libi: Bobby has nowhere else to go when all he wants is to get away from me, that’s the picture I’m staring at right now

Janis: You could leave, you singular 

Janis: he’ll be safe, as will the dog

Libi: I’ll be abandoning him, like his mum, like Ian and like you

Janis: It’s not the same

Libi: It’d feel the same to him

Libi: and if he wanted to talk, how could he? 

Janis: I don’t think it would, I think you don’t want to leave

Janis: He has a phone, so do you

Libi: Maybe I’m as selfish as you and I only care about myself, right?

Janis: It’s understandable but you aren’t going to break through until he’s ready

Libi: Putting an even bigger distance between us isn’t going to solve anything, it never did for you

Janis: Alright, good luck then

Libi: That’s like a first day of school goodbye thing to say, it doesn’t work here

Janis: What I can say to help is minimal, we’ve agreed on that, so if you’re gonna disregard what I do then, what else?

Libi: I don’t know, it isn’t my place to tell you how to help me

Janis: When I know more, I can tell you but there isn’t anything that points to you going back yet

Libi: I’m not in any rush to go back to the scene of your crimes and have to face them as though they’re mine cos we’re unfortunately related

Janis: You aren’t being asked to answer for anything

Libi: I am, that’s what he is asking 

Janis: When he can talk to Jimmy, he’ll set him straight, that isn’t his to ask for

Libi: Someone to blame who is actually going to stick around isn’t much to ask for anyway, I don’t care, I love him, I’ll do it

Janis: I’m sure you’ll get the thanks you’re after, in the end

Libi: Who can be sure of anything after this?

Janis: People break up, all the time

Libi: You judged everyone in our family for every mistake they ever made, like I said, you’re a hypocrite

Janis: No ones stopping you

Janis: and I’m not stopping you from making the same mistakes I did, or any of us, you can’t learn that shit second-hand

Libi: There’s no need to bother framing it as something you did all for me, you weren’t thinking about me at all, you still aren’t

Janis: Of course I wasn’t thinking about you, what a ridiculous thing to say

Janis: my entire reason for being doesn’t revolve around you, or Jimmy or anyone else

Libi: Then don’t open with the massive lie of caring if any of us are okay in the end, you did what you wanted, fuck the consequences for anybody

Janis: Yeah, you give up all personhood to make him happy, see if it works, see if you get fuck all out of it in the end

Janis: because Jimmy was no happier before this, just so we’re all clear

Libi: And Casey was only happy when he got an orgasm out of it, so forgive me if that’s not something I wanna attempt next

Janis: Then I’ll just bin him off too, it isn’t the point and you aren’t going to shock me with pointed references, I know what happened, we’re all adult enough to comprehend that much, even you two

Libi: What happened was disgusting

Libi: *you are

Janis: Alright

Libi: You should be shocked by your own behaviour, that’s the point

Libi: you haven’t even said sorry, neither did he

Janis: I’ll apologise for what I’ve done wrong, and how its affected you, I’m not apologising for things I don’t need to

Libi: Alright, say it, you’re still not telling me you’re sorry

Janis: *I apologise for what I’ve done wrong, and how its affected you

Libi: Just

Janis: I am doing everything I can right now to make sure Jimmy is okay, that’s my priority and really the only thing I can think about properly

Libi: I’m doing everything I can right now to make sure *Bobby is okay, that’s my priority and really the only thing I can think about properly

Janis: Yeah, I know

Libi: But you tried to make me feel bad for it

Janis: Not for caring, just suggesting other ways of going about it, if it’s not working 

Libi: I already feel stupid, I already don’t trust myself or in anything

Janis: You haven’t upset him, it was me and what’s happened between me and Jimmy, you can’t fix that

Janis: we’ll talk to him, make him understand

Libi: He doesn’t want to talk to you, or understand anything from your POV

Janis: Jimmy doesn’t know the answers himself yet, Bobby has to give him time and so do you

Libi: It didn’t matter before who was related to who, why did you have to make it matter?

Janis: Yes, it did

Libi: We were just a family, all of us

Janis: You don’t believe that any more than the rest of us, not for ages

Janis: even when you were little kids you thought he was your boyfriend, not your brother

Libi: I was a little kid, I was copying you, I wanted to be like you

Janis: He’s not your brother, we’re not a family, beyond how we literally are

Libi: If I’m play acting, you created the game for me

Janis: You were a little kid

Libi: You made us a family, you taught me that’s what we were

Janis: I was a kid, I had no right

Libi: This has been my entire life, what am I supposed to do now that you want a new one?

Janis: I have no idea what my life is going to look like

Janis: I know doubling down on what I picked at 16 wasn’t the right idea either

Libi: Are you picking him?

Janis: Not if they’ll forgive him, that’s what I want, because they are an actual fucking family

Libi: Bob won’t and if Jim does it’ll be cos that’s what you want

Janis: They need each other, I’ll be fine on my own

Libi: You’ve never been fine on your own, you don’t fool me

Libi: nobody is, or can be, we all need someone

Janis: I’m aware of the consequences of my actions, contrary to what you reckoned

Libi: I can’t stop loving you, even as a consequence of your actions

Libi: I wish I could

Janis: I’ve done it before and I can do it again

Libi: No, I’m not 4, I’m not letting you

Janis: It's your wish

Libi: I’m aware how spoiled I am but don’t

Janis: We’ll take your lead

Libi: It isn’t comforting when I have no idea where I’m going

Janis: No, it ain’t

Janis: I’ll become as invisible as people need, that’s the plan, as much as there is one

Libi: I don’t need another invisible mum watching over me

Janis: Noted

Libi: You’ll get haunted by her if you try and leave me and she’s busy enough with Drew as it is

Janis: She’s probably been waiting ‘til I fucked up this bad, air all her grievances at once

Libi: Yeah, it’ll give me a chance to catch my breath

Janis: I’ve heard you

Janis: not that you needed to say it for my benefit, I already knew what you’d say before you did

Libi: You reckon you know loads for someone who just fucked up this bad

Janis: It had to happen, and would’ve

Janis: I could have handled it better, we all could’ve

Libi: It didn’t have to, you’re only saying it to make yourself feel better cos it has

Janis: Trust, it doesn’t make me feel better at all that it came to this

Libi: *trying to 

Libi: It didn’t need to come to this

Janis: That isn’t how it felt

Janis: guess we’ll never know

Libi: I know she wanted me to have a brother, the happiest family possible, full of love

Libi: and I know I did

Janis: They aren’t going to shut you out

Janis: If that’s what you want it to be

Libi: It won’t be the same

Janis: It wasn’t already, it’ll change again, yeah

Libi: I can’t be an optimist about that sort of change

Janis: We can’t go back, no matter how much you may want to, you of all people know that better than most

Libi: I don’t want to be one of those people right now

Janis: Unfair, ain’t it

Libi: What do I have to give him if I can’t promise it’ll get better?

Janis: It will he can’t just expect magical solutions though, work has to be put in by all of us

Libi: It bloody won’t! And who would start talking to me again just to hear me say there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, there’s only more and more dark tunnel ‘til there’s none left

Libi: sounds like a student film made on a shoestring and at the very last minute before a deadline

Janis: If you two were happy before then you can be again because none of us were

Libi: Delude ourselves is the worst advice yet

Janis: then you need to accept the fact we were all miserable

Libi: Accept the fact I thought I was happy before you made a lie out of that

Janis: I’m sure you were, you weren’t in a failed marriage

Libi: No, I was in another sham family

Janis: Yeah, it happens

Libi: It keeps happening to me, if I’m such a jinx I probably should come with you

Janis: Our family is cursed, has been from the start

Janis: but you say that like I have anywhere to go

Libi: You have the same places I do, even though they are all cursed

Janis: Nah, I can’t do that

Libi: Why?

Janis: Because I’m 24, not 14

Libi: Your mum is always your mum, and yours isn’t dead, you could let her help you

Janis: This isn’t a school project, there’s nothing for her to help with

Libi: There’s a roof over your head, if nothing else

Janis: I can do that for myself, it’s okay

Libi: Self imposed exile isn’t okay

Janis: I’d rather deal with this with the people involved than get everyone in to comment

Libi: She wouldn’t comment, you’ve met her

Janis: Yeah she would, I don’t want to talk to her about my feelings, thanks

Libi: So talk to me, I’m involved

Janis: I think that’s probably one of those things you only want in theory, like

Libi: You were the one who said I need to accept how things are, tell me how they are

Janis: As much as I can, alright

Janis: Jim is in shock, we’re taking it in turns to look after him, he’s okay as in you don’t need to worry but obviously it was never going to be a good time

Libi: None of that is about how you feel or why you did it

Janis: like I said, I want them to talk and work things out but I know that’s a big ask full stop never mind now

Janis: and you know why I did it, surely

Libi: But if you can’t and won’t say it to me, how are any of us getting anywhere?

Janis: I’m not trying to shove anything in your face when I know you’re not going to like it

Libi: The visuals have been, before I was shoved out the door

Janis: Yeah, it wasn’t great

Libi: One of us is meant to have out of control hormones, and newsflash, it isn’t you

Janis: You’ve been lied to if someone’s told you that it gets better

Janis: it’s not just hormonal, sorry to report

Libi: You understand my meaning, you didn’t have to be so…

Libi: rabid about it

Janis: Rabid?

Libi: I don’t know, it was unnecessarily animalistic 

Janis: you say it as if it was done with an audience in mind

Janis: if I’d have had a scarf going spare I would have hidden that from you, obviously

Libi: Well, you’d have both needed burkas

Janis: Try not to be funny when I know it’s no laughing matter

Libi: No, it’s not surprising Jim and Bobs are in shock

Janis: Alright I’ll invest in a burka or a red A, whatever you want

Libi: It’s too late to make a new first entrance back

Janis: If it embarrassed you, don’t you think I am?

Libi: It repulsed me

Libi: I’ve never been ashamed of you in my entire life before

Janis: God, I used to sleep with him too, you know

Libi: Yeah, so admit you have at least some of the same feelings

Janis: For it being cheating, yeah, I’ve told you

Libi: Bobby wants to write you off as stupid, or a slag, and I know you aren’t either

Janis: He needs to be angry, it’s as true as matters

Libi: It matters to me what’s properly true

Janis: It’s a moral judgment, that’s personal, I can’t decide it for you

Libi: You could decide to be with me as someone who doesn’t shut down every conversation, if you wanted

Janis: I don’t need you to think I’m not a stupid slag, if that’s what you think, then it is

Janis: You might feel different when you’re older and have your own experience or you might still feel the same

Libi: It isn’t what I think, he wouldn’t be angry at me if I agreed with him

Janis: It grosses him out, as well as all the actual emotional hurt

Janis: he’d rather not have to think about any of it but he doesn’t have a choice 

Libi: I can’t get through to him

Janis: just because he thinks it about me, doesn’t mean he does all girls in general

Janis: people are allowed to be hypocrites to cope

Libi: He’s not allowed to shut me out to cope, not for this long, I hate it

Janis: I know you do

Janis: if I could make any difference and make him open up

Libi: I can’t sleep or eat or breathe

Janis: you know I feel awful for this, don’t you

Janis: I could go talk to Drew for old time’s sake, get you some sleeping pills

Libi: I’m not dying to be my mum and dad’s problem again instead of yours, even if they would give better advice than you

Janis: Probably

Libi: It’s already impossible to catch my breath, sleeping pills would definitely make me flatline

Janis: I wasn’t being serious, honest

Libi: You weren’t being funny either

Janis: Is it worth you going to the Doctors, or do you just have to manage the stress as best you can?

Libi: When is it ever worth going to the doctors? They baby me more than you and nan put together

Janis: I don’t know, I’m not the world’s leading Asthma expert

Janis: surely if you’re experiencing more attacks, you can have more medicine?

Libi: Worry about getting Jimmy to the doctors, that’s your priority

Janis: Yeah, because that’s going to happen

Libi: A visit to Drew is sounding less like a joke and more like something you’re seriously considering, isn’t it? 

Janis: He doesn’t need any help sleeping

Libi: I’m not the leading expert on drug dealers but I think it’s safe to assume even the semi-retired ones hold onto more than a single type of pill

Janis: I’d rather he got therapy than someone else’s prescription 

Libi: Is that going to happen though?

Janis: Definitely not in a position to force him, even if it was a pact to both go, can’t really see it ‘til the air is clearer

Libi: At least you’re in a position to force Casey to go, just do whichever one is his favourite

Janis: You *aren’t being funny either

Libi: Laughing isn’t the reaction either of us would have if you followed through on it

Janis: I’m not going to start telling you about my sex life, it’s no more appropriate just because you’re not a total baby now

Libi: I’m glad we’re stopping at you showing me all about it

Janis: I should’ve stayed away, ‘til the bruises healed, yeah

Libi: I wouldn’t have made you promise to come back that soon if I’d known

Janis: Aside from horrifying you two, I wasn’t trying to hide anything from Jimmy so, I was always going to come back then

Libi: That’s something

Janis: It shouldn’t have happened before officially ending things but it was the one event

Libi: You thought Casey might end up going to prison too, didn’t you?

Janis: Yes

Janis: we tried to let each other go, never be around each other for long, not alone

Libi: But then you thought you’d actually lose him

Janis: yep

Libi: I hate that I understand but

Janis: I basically made him be with her so it was my fault as well, the trouble he was in

Libi: What a fucking mess

Janis: and the rest

Libi: Still, I have the most questions about the dog

Janis: He missed Twix, it was an emotionally compromised time

Janis: and who doesn’t like having a dog around

Libi: I miss Twix too, now more than ever

Janis: And Shark

Libi: Being a teenager is so shit, I don’t want to

Janis: I don’t want you to either

Libi: I just want my mum, I just want things to make sense

Janis: Is Bobby awake? Or nan or granddad?

Libi: Nope, it’s me and Chubby against the world

Janis: He’s not quite hypoallergenic but he does give good hugs if you keep your inhaler on standby 

Libi: [photo or vid evidence of this happening rn like yeah I know cos animals always know when you’re upset]

Janis: Good boy

Libi: I wish I had some idea if I’ll ever see him again after this

Janis: Of course you will, he isn’t being exiled for anything

Libi: He’s Casey’s, he’s as good as exiled from my life after manhandling me into a park against my will

Janis: I was talking about the dog

Janis: if you’d have stayed, you would’ve been traumatized, it was for your own good

Libi: So was I, the dog’s not ours

Janis: I’m pretty sure he’ll let you see it without demanding conversation

Libi: You weren’t there for our last conversation

Janis: I’m sure you said your piece

Libi: I’m not 100% sure what I said

Libi: everything… nothing? It didn’t do anything anyway

Janis: Don’t worry, he knows his role in this without the rundown

Libi: I envy him that much, I’d love to know mine

Janis: You wouldn’t wanna be him

Libi: I want to be me again

Janis: You’re just a teenager, you’re in there somewhere

Libi: If it was that simple you’d have nothing to beat yourself up over

Janis: I was wrong for hurting you all, not for what I felt

Libi: As a mixed up teen I’ve managed to work that out

Janis: I love him, even if I don’t ever get to be with him

Janis: and I still love Jimmy, even if we can’t be together any longer

Libi: I know, even if Bobby doesn’t 

Janis: Boys get to be kids longer

Libi: I’d let him be forever if I could

Janis: You aren’t his mother either, don’t forget that

Libi: That label would stick though, at least

Libi: I don’t know what I am to him now that everybody else are breaking apart

Janis: It’s not as sure as all that

Janis: his real one left him

Libi: Mine left me, they’re still our mothers

Janis: We all know it’s more than probable his chose to 

Libi: We’ll never know what choices were hers to make and which ones she made cos she didn’t have another

Janis: I’m just saying, maybe he doesn’t want the backstory, the fairytale

Janis: Some people’s mothers aren’t worth the title

Libi: I hear you, I’m just saying, what am I worth if he wants to forget our backstory cos it wasn’t a fairytale how he reckoned it was?

Janis: You aren’t a story, acting like it isn’t a good idea, not long term

Libi: I’m memories that are tainted, maybe it isn’t a good idea for him to keep me around

Janis: You let him decide, you can’t tell him or make his mind up for him, not tonight but not ever

Libi: Obviously

Janis: There’s nothing you can do but be patient with him

Libi: Right, I’m trying to be

Janis: It isn’t going to be easy

Janis: but if you care, which you do, then you have to

Libi: Easy is in the past

Janis: It never was

Libi: You could lie, for once, pretend that’s easy for you and comforting for me

Janis: You wouldn’t be this upset now if we hadn’t lied to you before

Libi: You had the truth all along and you’re upset, you, Jim and Case

Janis: Alright, true, this is shit regardless

Libi: But yeah, you should’ve said

Libi: I hate you almost as much for keeping that a secret from the start as I do how blatantly unsecretive you were by the end

Janis: I couldn’t have got further away without a plane ticket

Janis: but you can hate me for it anyway

Libi: I fucking can’t, it’s the worst part of all 

Janis: I know how it feels, twofold

Libi: He needs me to hate you and I always said I’d do anything

Janis: Just lie by omission 

Libi: There’s been too much lying, you weren’t wrong

Janis: Then he’ll have to get over it 

Libi: Or we’ll let it ruin us and we’ll be just like you and Jim

Libi: the ultimate be careful what you wish for moment

Janis: Cheers

Libi: Getting a drink couldn’t be much easier, there’s that

Libi: cheers to granddad, like

Janis: That not a trigger, no

Libi: Chubby’s asleep now, I couldn’t escape if I wanted

Janis: I’d do the same if I could so 

Libi: Somebody has to break at least one cycle in this family, since you didn’t, I’ll have to give it a go

Janis: Exactly the takeaway point, mhmm

Libi: When will I see you? Where will I?

Janis: When do you want to?

Libi: Now, but we can’t

Janis: It is a bit late

Janis: I’m sure they’re concerned enough with this impromptu dumping upon, no offense 

Libi: So when?

Janis: Tomorrow is fine, Casey can stay with Jimmy

Libi: Except it’s not, either I’m sneaking ‘round behind Bob’s back like a cheater myself or telling him to his face I don’t care what he thinks and how he feels

Janis: If you can’t do it then I don’t blame you

Libi: I feel sick

Janis: Give yourself time to think too

Janis: it doesn’t serve anyone being rash

Libi: All I’ve got is time to think

Janis: You’ll be thankful you did

Libi: Thankful might be a bit strong, and Americanised 

Janis: It’s all you’ve got so take it 

Libi: Okay

Janis: If and when you want to see me, unless it meant I had to leave Jimmy alone for some reason, I’ll come see you, alright

Libi: Alright

Libi: and I’m sorry you haven’t been happy for almost my entire life

Janis: it wasn’t that dire

Janis: We had good times

Janis: but it’s had now

Libi: Yeah, past tense, I get it

Janis: We could’ve done something about it before now

Janis: but for a while, it was right and what we wanted

Libi: Do you still want me around?

Janis: Jesus, Libi, of course I do

Janis: that’s non-negotiable 

Libi: It isn’t, you’re not my mum either

Janis: No but you aren’t part of the last decade that’s now a problem

Libi: It’s hard to accept that as a reality when the truth is everyone was miserable and I couldn’t tell

Janis: You and Bobby weren’t, you were kids, kids are allowed to be selfish and oblivious, that’s basically all childhood is

Libi: Meaning you weren’t allowed a childhood cos of me

Janis: it is not your fault I can’t trust my mother, never mind fucking Drew

Libi: I take it all back, you should do what you want now I’m not a child, be the selfish one

Janis: I’ll keep it in mind, Libs

Libi: Good, I don’t hate you, I hate me for what I did to your life

Janis: Don’t say that

Janis: Your parents died first, that’s the ultimate unfairness, whatever happened after

Libi: You knew her longer than me, everyone did, I don’t get to claim the most hard done by points, she died for you too and then I came along to make you live a life with me in the centre of it, that’s what’s unfair

Janis: You were a baby, a puny little one at that, you couldn’t make me do anything

Janis: I chose you and I still choose you

Libi: *the lack of other appropriate role models made you

Libi: and love, which is fucking up your life again exactly the same

Janis: You said yourself, you’ve got plenty of places to be, that none of them are that bad, only how I told it to myself and to you

Libi: But is that real or is it another lie? 

Janis: It’s as real or fake as you need it to be, you get to decide now

Libi: No I don’t, I’m 14, if I decide everywhere is actually bad I still have to be somewhere

Janis: yeah

Libi: Yeah, like I said, being a teenager is so shit and I refuse

Janis: You’ve been one for a while now, try and opt out as much as you can

Libi: It’s a deal

Janis: One less thing to worry about

Libi: [an adorable pic of Chubby sleeping as if we can and are remotely able to look on the bright side about anything atm]

Janis: He’s cute, ain’t he

Libi: He’s a baby, most of them are cute

Janis: God willing

Libi: Unless they’re me and can’t wait to get out

Janis: What were you thinking, like

Libi: I wanted to meet her, who wouldn’t?

Janis: ‘course, fashionably late weren’t gonna cut it

Libi: Not with only [when you’ve counted exactly how much time you had with your mum, I’m fine] together

Janis: Exactly

Libi: She understood how important proper love is, you know the sort of thing she’d say if she was here to tell you instead of me

Janis: I hope so

Janis: never sure, if I’m doing her justice

Libi: Me either, I used to be surer, more sure than I was of anything else

Janis: She left you what she wanted you to know, you’ll always have that

Libi: She left me what she had time to, it was never going to be enough to last my whole life

Janis: If she was here, you’d have stopped needing it when you started remembering things yourself

Libi: But she isn’t, and one day I’ll be older than her, and there’s so much I can’t tell her and so much I don’t know

Janis: I know, it was a pointless fucking unfair accident and I’m already older than her

Libi: I don’t want to do things she didn’t get to do

Janis: You’ll end up doing them without realising 

Janis: but there isn’t much she didn’t do, in fairness, that she wanted to

Janis: she always did

Libi: You heard me, do what you want

Libi: promise, okay?

Janis: Alright

Libi: Including telling me to shut up and get to bed, if you like

Janis: It’s not that, there’s something else to tell you, I had to talk to Jimmy first, it wasn’t intentionally keeping it back

Libi: You’re not sick, are you? You’re not going to die?

Janis: No

Janis: I’m not dying, no

Libi: It would make sense of your self destructive behaviour but I’m happy to hear you’re not

Janis: I told you we were trying to move on, properly, yeah, not let this happen

Janis: so, when I was with Jimmy, trying again, I came off the pill

Libi: No, I don’t want to hear this…

Janis: No more lies

Libi: Not you bringing a baby into a family that’s already messed up, not you too

Janis: It’s happening, I can’t get rid of it, I made it happen

Libi: After everything

Libi: What’s wrong with you?

Janis: You don’t get it, you can’t until there’s one inside you

Libi: I sincerely hope, with all my heart, that I don’t ever have to get it, that I never turn into you

Janis: Me too

Libi: I have to go, I can’t

Janis: [Let her go girl, you had to say it but]

Libi: [big yikes, if you think this is the worst it can get hun wait until Bobby is having a baby too]

Janis: [honey, you’ve got a big storm coming, thank God that news is still like 9 months away at this point lol]

Libi: [god, she’s already gonna go feral as is, you’re welcome it’s not immediate everyone]

[amporella]

SP HS Afterschool Activity Headcanons

Stan - He’s a football guy! A sportsman. He dives deep into football in high school and seldom misses a practice, probably because school is better than home for him at that point. He also stays in the board game club and partners with Nichole for a lot of tournaments. When he doesn’t have practice/a club meeting, he floats between clubs (mostly Kyle’s) and spectates his friends.

Kyle - I Know debate kids and he is a debate kid through and through. He would do Lincoln-Douglas specifically, which is a debate format that focuses on values and moral standings, and he HATES Policy and thinks it’s not real debate (Cartman happens to do Policy). He would also run for Student Gov, compete against Wendy, and the two of them eventually join forces and run as a party to stop Cartman from winning. He’s also the guy that would Commit to the Science Fair and reach at least states. 

Cartman - Does Policy debate, but doesn’t care about the research portion: only cares about being able to talk as fast and as loud as possible. Thinks Policy is the superior form of debate and Lincoln-Douglas debaters (Kyle and Wendy) are wusses. Runs for Student Gov every year and gets beaten, but uses the publicity to sell whatever scheme he’s doing that year. Progressively gets banned from every single club at the school, but somehow ends up in all of their yearbook photos anyway.

Kenny - He works most days after school instead of doing clubs; the grind never stops. When he doesn’t have work (rarely), he pops into the art club and draws comics. Also participates in the science fair: half asses the hands-on part of the project, but actually knows what he’s talking about and is so charismatic that he places anyway.

Butters - Is on the dance team and is very good at it! Can lift a surprising amount and the team is very grateful that he’s happy to be at the bottom of the cheerleading pyramid. Also has a tendency to pop into clubs and chat up whoever he finds there.

Craig - Pitches baseball, but mostly so he can skip gym class: happens to be very naturally good at it, but doesn’t actually have much of a passion for it. Has interests in space, photography, and film, but would rather indulge them alone instead of in a club. Is actually very very good at mental math, and carries the MathCounts team for three years before getting bored and dropping it on a whim. The rest of the team forever resents him for this.

Tweek - Boxes and teaches boxing classes to kids; similarly to Stan, he also doesn’t really want to go home after school. Practices piano in the orchestra room, and Craig usually hangs out with him and takes pictures. 

Clyde - Also a football guy! Is not as good, but is very passionate about it and thinks it’ll get him chicks. Hangs out with Kevin Stoley and plays Smash Bros in the gaming club (a club that they are the only two members of, and was really just an excuse to use the Smartboard for gaming because they think it’s cool) half the time, and follows Craig (and by extension Tweek) around the other half.

Tolkien - Also an extracurricular fiend, but most of his after school activities aren’t actually affiliated with the school. Actually tends to prefer the school affiliated clubs to the ones that have more funds, and joins a TON of clubs to feel included and hang out with his friends even if he doesn’t particularly like the content. Also does track and field and is a member of the orchestra.

Jimmy - Is first chair flutist in the school’s band. Does public speaking to help train for his comedy routines, and has solidarity with Kyle in that he also has no respect for Cartman’s Policy methods. Occasionally participates in theatre, and you will never meet someone who commits harder to the character than he does. Weightlifts in his free time. 

Wendy - Varsity volleyball team captain, and slays despite being short. Wins the Student Gov election along with Kyle and ends up as President. Organizes all the student-led activities and tries to manage all the clubs, but usually gets batted back for unintentionally overreaching. Is on the Lincoln-Douglas debate team with Kyle, and they alternate frequently between 1st and 2nd in tournaments. Volunteers at pretty much any opportunity she can; tutors her besties for free and charges the boys.

Bebe - Runs for Student Gov secretary and wins by a landslide. Is frequently consulted by Wendy for homecoming/prom-related expertise, but otherwise just enjoys having power; it’s hard to get a word in edgewise when Wendy and Kyle are arguing about the logistics of Spirit Week. Participates in Model UN and petitions every year for the school to add an oceanography class. 

Nichole - Captain of the board game club! Advertises it so well and is so charismatic that the club doubles in size basically every year that she leads it. Becomes close with Stan and partners up with him in most tournaments. Helps petition with Bebe for her oceanography class.

Heidi - On the yearbook staff and the swim team! Bribes Craig to take pictures for the yearbook so that she doesn’t have to. Is the sweetest and always puts in the nicest, most flattering blurbs and pictures, except for Cartman who coincidentally never appears in a candid. 

[yarichin-imagines]

can i get some toxic relationship headcanons with each of the boys? thank you <3

YARI GOT THIS SHIT.

AYY OUR FIRST COLLAB POST — admin bii

TW: toxic relationships, jealousy, gaslighting, mindbreak (reader getting used to/happy with toxicity), dubcon, hints of yandere, etc.

toono - insecurity

Toono just can’t seem to convince himself you truly love him. It leads to him closing off and pitying himself quite a bit. He treats the relationship like something else he’s bound to fuck up, and he shouldn’t get too attached. That leads to your relationship feeling half-baked.

kashima - jealous

Kashima is not paranoid! He trusts you 100%. It's everyone else he doesn't trust. He gets a little more than hot under the collar when he starts noticing you do nothing to stop guys from buying you drinks at a club— you accept the drinks! that you apologize to the perverts who grope you when the try to slide past you on a crowded metro, and blush when you catch them staring. Steam practically pours out of his ears. He will drag you by your wrist, his grip searing hot and twisting hard against the skin -- it hurts, but he's too angry to notice now. Doesn't matter if it's at school, at a club, and it doesn't matter if it's the morning, noon or night. He'll have you against something in seconds, muttering expletives, even going so far as to threaten live's if someone has the audacity to cozy up to you right in front of him. It's unfathomable, it's like nobody can see that you so obviously belong to him. After all, you're his girl. He's the one you come home to, the only one who gets to touch you, hold you, to fuck you, to see you in every state of mind, to see you break, and to see you cum. For him. Just for him. If he wasn't such a good fuck when he's all worked up, surely you'd have had the sense to leave him, but that just isn't the case with Kashima. . .

yacchan - communication issues

Yacchan can’t communicate, but it isn’t for a lack of talking. He has built up a wall after years of being inferior, so when someone tries to push the boundaries a bit and open him up, he gets very defensive. He gets hostile and sarcastic, even in his body language, moving as if he’s preparing to fight. He just can’t handle criticism because he’s been given so much shit through his life, he interprets criticism as hate and feels a need to defend himself. He doesn’t want to let anyone break down his walls that he has spent so long putting up to protect himself.

Shikatani - perfectionist

Shika doesn’t want anything to happen if he doesn’t know it’ll go exactly as he planned. All the dates need to go perfect or it ends with him in tears because he ‘fucked it all up’. Even if the mess up ends in you two having an equally great time, he can’t get over how it didn’t go perfectly. This also sort of plays into a lack of communication as he doesn’t want to bring up things that could cause arguments.

akemi - gaslighting

To be honest, it gets a little fuzzy trying to remember what life was like before Keiichi Akemi.

“Why worry about it?” he would always say. “I’ll take care of everything. Just don’t think about it, ‘kay?”

How could you refuse a life planned out for you down to the tee? Schedules were structure, and without structure, you’d definitely fall apart.

“What would you do without me?”

Please don’t leave me!

“If you don’t exercise, you’ll get fat again, like before. You don’t want to be fat again right?”

You’re right! I’m sorry!

“I’m only doing this because I love you, ya know.”

You don’t remember before, but you do know that nobody has ever loved you the way Akemi does now, nobody else loves you as much as Akemi does now.

And nobody ever will.

itome - lack of communication

While Yacchan and Shikatani have their own communication issues, Itome doesn’t communicate at all, mostly due to his crippling insecurity. He is silent most of the time, always defaulting to whatever you want to do. He just hopes that you won’t leave if he agrees to do what you want all the time. He gets so scared of losing you, he’ll end up crying late at night. If you notice and ask him what’s wrong, he violently insists he’s fine and nothing’s wrong. “It’s fine” is a catchphrase of his. This leads to a relationship in a stalemate where neither of you know if the other is genuinely happy.

yuri - disrespect (being late, “forgetting�� events, unsupportive)

When it was three minutes past your reservation, you didn’t even notice. You weren’t even bothered when he forgot about your recital banquet, after all, he probably just got tied up with club logistics, a vice president does have a lot of responsibilities.

He never really saw the point of your artwork, but what was one opinion out of many? After all, yours was the one that mattered. Right?

At least he was looking at it, although, for extended periods at a time, with a puzzled expression, that would morph into a frustrated confusion before it transformed into complete disgust.

But so what?

Soon, he was a half hour late to reservations, an hour when the days were really bad. He started blowing off your showcases. And when you found the card you’d designed yourself for his birthday in the trash? Or overheard him describing your art as “kiddy! kiddy! ugly?” What were you supposed to do?

Flowers and orgasms were fine and dandy of course, but every anniversary forgotten and every piece you found hidden in a closet was just another knife to your chest, albeit a warning that went in one ear and out another.

tamura - controlling

"Absolutely not."

It has to be the tenth outfit you've presented for your boyfriend's approval, and despite your opaque tights (an improvement over the lace ones the last few 'fits) the dress is "still too short." If not the dress nor the tights, the heels are "too alluring" and your makeup is "too provocative."

Tamura takes it upon himself to pick your outfit and makeup, and unless you're putting on his own personal burlesque show, chances are the colors are neutral or non-flattering and the makeup is almost completely natural, truly.

Sometimes it's nice not having to worry, knowing you can sleep in a little later because your boyfriend has planned out your daily look and perfectly portioned your breakfast and lunchbox. Then there’s the rest of the times, when you have to time out your trips to the mall so that you come home when Tamura is out and hide your shopping bags in your car. But all of it’s no use.

He’s one step ahead of you every time. He has pictures of your gas meter daily, he tracks your location, and eventually, he takes you everywhere you go and sets a curfew.

If you post a picture with a guy on your socials, he wants the receipts, he wants the goddamn family tree proving that the schmuck’s your first cousin, or else. Or else, being that he shuts down your socials, happens anyway of course.

You get used to it. You don’t get to decide anymore, he decides for you, when you wake up, eat, cum, and what you wear, what you know, what you think and isn’t that just sweet?

jimmy - stalking

This one is kind of obvious. Jimmy HAS to know where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, and when you’ll be back. He can be found following you places or looking through your things. Though, when he finds out these things, he doesn’t get angry. He just broods and pities himself for a long time. He ends up making you feel obligated to tell him everything, and there’s always something that makes him upset about it.

[superman86to99]

Adventures of Superman #510 (March 1994)

Bizarro's World, Part 2! Bizarro has kidnapped Lois Lane and taken her to a warped replica of Metropolis he built in a big warehouse within the real Metropolis, like the plot of Synecdoche, New York but with a defective Superman clone instead of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Despite being a big ol' dumbass, we find out that Bizarro definitely retains some parts of Superman's original personality, like his love for Lois (hence the kidnapping) and of course his profound hatred for Jimmy Olsen (hence the part where he blows up a mannequin dressed like Jimmy with his heat vision).

Meanwhile, Superman thinks it'll be easy to find Lois with his newly augmented powers, but turns out they're SO augmented that he can't even focus his super-hearing and ends up having a sensory overload, so he's pretty much useless right now. Fortunately, Lois is very capable of saving herself, which she eventually does by climbing to the top of the "Daylee Plandit" building and pushing the crude globe replica on top of poor Bizarro.

Before escaping, Lois also figures out that Lex Luthor Jr. is somehow responsible for Bizarro's creation, which she deduces mainly because just hearing Lex's name made Bizarro start screaming and breaking stuff.

So yeah, Superman isn't very useful in this issue, because we've reached the point where his "enhanced" powers have officially become a problem. Lois tries to comfort him saying that she wants a husband, not a bodyguard, but only one thing can make Superman feel better: punching the crap out of Bizarro for a while. Continued!

Plotline-Watch:

The best part of this issue are the Bizarro-speak Easter eggs throughout Bizarrotropolis, like the mouse with a sign that says "Kad" (Cadmus), the mannequin wearing a bib that says "O" (Bibbo), the Daylee Plandit employee whose head is a bottle of Perry water (wait, has “Perry White” always been short for “Perrier White”?), and others I probably missed.

Curious that Lois thinks "This creature really is some Bizarro version of Superman," since the term "Bizarro" comes from, well, Bizarro. Where did it originate in this universe? I was gonna say Seinfeld, but the “Bizarro Jerry” episode aired in 1996, two years after this issue (and was probably called "Guy Who Is The Complete Opposite of Jerry" anyway).

The scene where Superman loses control of his hearing powers is pretty similar to the moment in John Byrne's Superman #10 when the same thing happens, only that time they actually pulled word balloons from various other DC comics that came out that month, which was pretty cool. This time, the only piece of dialogue that sounds like it might be from another comic is "wish I was like Barry," but I checked the March 1994 issue of The Flash and there's nothing like that (it does sound like something early '90s Wally West would say on any given issue, though).

An increasingly Lex Luthor Sr.-looking Lex Luthor Jr. summons his mole in Project Cadmus, Dr. Packard, to find out what they know about the mystery illness afflicting all clones in the city (which includes Lex himself, as Packard is shocked to learn), but Cadmus has no idea what's going on either. All they know is that Guardian seems to be the only clone who doesn't feel like crap right now, for some reason. It's worth noting that none of the other clones are losing their hair like Lex, so presumably that's not the Clone Plague but just regular alopecia.

Time's Up for Vincent Edge! Cat Grant goes off script during her show's live broadcast to #MeToo her boss, who's been aggressively hitting on her for the past few months -- the old incorrigible horndog didn't even give it a rest when Cat's young son was murdered. This issue includes Vinnie's worst line yet when he tells Cat he wants to help her career because "Nothing would please me more than to see you on TOP. If you know what I mean." My headcanon is that he's arrested by the cops at the end of this issue specifically because of that line.

Patreon-Watch:

All of the above was seen ten days ago by our patrons Aaron, Murray Qualie, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Hank Curry, and Bol! Find out how to join the kewl kidz club at https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99

Don Sparrow’s section below is all-new, though, so click on to keep reading:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow​):

We start with the cover, and I love it—a great callback to Man of Steel #25, right down to the font.  I love the detail of the crystalized flesh flaking off of him, showing the deterioration plaguing Bizarro, and his fellow clones.

Inside the book, we get a look at Bizarro’s World, a shanty play-village version of Metropolis.  Karl Kesel is one of the funnier writers on the Super-team, so there’s a cleverness to the phonetically constructed signage (which to me also read as a nod to the old “Bizarro #1” sign that Superman’s imperfect duplicate would hang around his neck).  But I can’t get past the refrigerator logic type questions, like—wouldn’t it be harder to learn the concept of an egg sitting, rather than “exit”?  And how does he have any written language skills, having only been born a few hours ago?  But, it’s comics, and as we saw in the Man of Steel mini-series, there’s some sort of intellectual imprint on Bizarros from the original article.  

Page 4 has a great flying shot of Superman searching the city for his duplicate...

...and page 10, apart from Vinnie’s painful (and if Max is right, flat out illegal) play on words, we also get a look at some extreme 90’s blazer tailoring on Cat Grant.  The panel of Bizarro lost in his rage at the mere mention of Lex Luthor is an appropriately frightening one.  Quite a nice drawing of Lois lifting herself through the skylight, later that scene.

It’s a cool detail that Cat’s broadcast uses the same candid photos of Superman and Lois from the previous issue’s broadcast, redrawn here by Barry Kitson.  

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

Nice to see that Cat Grant does her own re-writes—she has long been established to be a legitimate journalist, having grown out of her gossip columnist roots.

Cute silver-age callback to the cube globe Bizarro world, as Lois tries to scale the top of Bizarro’s ersatz Daily Planet.

We’ve covered this ground before, but it’s astonishing to me that decades after this issue came out, sexual harassment in TV news remains endemic—it might actually even be worse today than when this story is published.  But it’s cheering to see Cat Grant take down another powerful Edge, again with the truth of journalism as her weapon. [Max: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this is the second Edge boy Cat brings down... and she didn’t even have to sleep with this one. Progress!]

It’s pleasing that Lois rescues herself, rather than Superman finding her, but it also meant Superman didn’t get up to much Adventuring this week. The “Superman is over-protective” angle gets its first mention here and will come to matter a lot more during the David Michelinie era of stories.  

[maraudereestauderelb]

Touched

A Duff McKagan smut One Shot

Prompt: You go to a concert with one of your friends and band mates, who's having a thing with no other than the band's guitarist Slash. After the show you get to meet Duff McKagen and somehow end up having your first time with him.

MASTERLIST

Warning: sex (duh)

"They're good aren't they?", Y/F/N shouted over the loud music. "Amazing!" "Told ya!"

We were dancing along to the loud music and enjoying ourselves. It had taken her quite some time to convince me to come with her instead of heading for the Troubadour with our other two band mates. Apparently coming with my bassist had been the right choice though.

After a world tour, a successful album and quite a bit more money in my bank account than before we had left LA, I still felt more at home right here. In a rundown club on the strip with a still upcoming rock band on stage.

Y/F/N and I had fit in perfectly. Nobody would recognize just the two of us having a great time and getting drunk. Except maybe the group of aspiring musicians and rising rock bands of the strip. In this circle everyone knew everyone, knew in which bands they had played, who they were associated with, had partied together before and so on and so forth.

That was exactly the reason why we had ended up here. The lead guitarist used to play in a band called Road Crew and had surely attended one of the parties at our trailer before. Y/F/N knew him and she had told me he was in a new band that was very close on getting a record deal. "You gotta check them out! Heard they're fuckin good", had been the argument that had won me over in the end. Not so much her initial reason to come here. That being the fact that apparently the guy had been an awesome fuck and she wanted to get laid by him again.

Now being here, I didn't regret it. I was having fun! And I was back in my usual habitat and in a situation that was familiar. If after the concert she wanted to leave with her black haired curly-head she was free to do so. Either I'd bump into someone I knew or would simply head home and call it a night.

The singer seemed familiar as well and if I remembered correctly Nikki had left his ass outside at one of their parties.

"Yo, what's the lead singer's name again?", I asked Y/F/N. "Oh that's Axl. Hollywood Rose, remember?" "Oh yea, right!"

I got why those boys were apparently very close to making it. Shit, was Guns n' Rosesgood!

Y/F/N had successfully gotten us all the way through the crowd to the stage, where we danced and sang along some more until the band was finished.

A few moments after the last song had ended the club put on some generic rock music and blasted them through the speakers.

"You gonna head backstage or wait here?" This wasn't the type of club in which the band would go off stage and head backstage never to be seen again. They had a small room for all of them to change and would then most likely come out to party. I knew, because we had played here before.

"He saw me, so trust me, he's gonna come to me", she grinned, and I once again admired her confidence.

It didn't take too long before Slash really showed up. He greeted me as well and congratulated on our album, so I told him what a sick guitar player he is. I give credit where it's due.

But I also understood that it was probably best for me to piss off now. So that's what I did. I figured I'd get one last drink and keep my eyes open in case of seeing anybody I knew. And for real I spotted a few people I knew from college who quickly waved me over.

After telling them the generic shit everybody wanted to know coming back from tour, it actually turned into a lot of fun to party with them. No coke but sure as hell a lot of alcohol.

It was hours later when they decided to leave and I had actually planned to leave with them

when I spotted a barkeeper, I knew. He had also attended a bunch of our parties and was a cool guy. So I sat down at the bar and joked around with him some more as the club kept getting emptier.

The club surely was anything but empty at one point, neither was it packed. It wasn't so crowded anymore, and I had completely lost track of time when someone sat down on the barstool next to me.

I didn't pay much attention and simply took another sip from my vodka lemon until he said: "You know, your friend's already gone, right?"

I turned to face him and recognized him as one of Slash's band members, right after I had been speechless for a moment because of how handsome he was.

"Yea, I know", I nodded and added grinning: "So is your guitarist, right?" "Obviously", he answered laughing: "Should've seen him backstage after the concert, couldn't get to her fast enough!" I joined his laughter, finished my drink and looked around. "Your remaining band member's left with a groupie as well, huh?" "No, fuckin idea where they are", he smiled and waved over to Jimmy, the barkeeper: "Another one of these for the little Rockstar here and I take whatever she has."

"Thank you", I told him with a soft smile. He waved it off: "I'm Duff McKagan by the way." "Y/N Y/L/N", I replied. "I know, was at one of your trailer parties before ya guys became famous." "Oh were you?", I asked surprised. I would've bet I'd recognize such a pretty face. Blond, tall, bassist. I was in fuckin heaven.

"You then ones with the trailer with the IV in the living room, right?" "Yupp, that's us", I nodded with a smirk: "Then I'm sorry for not recognizing you..."

"Don't worry bout it", he smiled: "Doubt we got the chance to talk...not that I wouldn't have wanted to..."

"We should have! Then I probably would've listened to you guys sooner! And Oh. My. God. You're amazing!", I gushed excitedly. "Thanks! Hoping it'll get us where you are now." "You'd have to be a complete idiot not to fuckin sign you!"

"I fucking hope so", he sighed and took a big gulp from his vodka: "You the song writer, right?" He suddenly changed the topic.

"Yes, why?" "I dunno", he shrugged: "When I first saw your music video on TV I couldn't help but fuckin wonder what complete asshole hurt this beautiful girl..."

His words hit me like a fucking train, because they reminded me of my former best friend Nikki Sixx, whom I had been stupid enough to fall for, but soon my drunken brain focused on something else: He thought I was beautiful...

"An asshole that's no longer a problem", I laughed. "Well cheers to that", the blond guy smirked and clicked our glasses: "Lucky me."

I returned his smirk and soon felt his hand on my thigh.

"How come you didn't leave with a groupie?", I tease him and sip on my glass. "Not my thing..." "What an utter liar", I thought. "And also", he went on: "I saw you in the crowd dancing next to your friend and knew exactly who to go for."

The way he looked into my eyes send chills through my body and I quickly took another sip from my drink.

"You alright?", Jimmy asked from further away to make sure I was fine, and I quickly nodded.

"You're pretty confident, huh?", I asked Duff. "Why?" "Well, what if that one girl you decided to go for wasn't interested?", I teased him.

Was I interested? I mean...damn he was hot and watching him on stage had been hot! His touch on my thigh made me feel hot! But for fuck's sake I didn't knowhim!

"That would be pretty sad for both of us", he shrugged and winked at me before looking at his glass and away from me.

Was he right? God, I could already feel the heat inside of me rising and a quiet voice in the back of my head reminded me that I had seen him shirtless on stage and wondered what it would feel like to touch him.

But damn it, I was drunk!

He lit a cigarette and I gave my everything not to stare at his lips for longer.

"I liked you better when you were funny and not seductive", I shrugged as well with a smirk and made him laugh. "Ouch, thanks!", he replied smiling: "In that case you'd have loved to see me lookin like an idiot when I got to Slash and your friend hours ago just to realize your gone."

"Maybe you should've hurried more, you know, the way your friend Slash did", I teased him more and calmed my nerves.

"He's just a funny guy", I told myself: "Joke around with him some more and then get your ass back home."

"Well, in the end you waited here for me anyway." "Rockstars don't wait for anyone", I joked and took the cigarette from him to take a drag as well. I could tell he was staring at my lips this time but was ripped out of his thoughts when I handed it back.

He cleared his throat and said: "Always wanted to fuck a rockstar."

I almost choked on my drink. That was my sign. The cards were on the table. I should tell him that this certainly wouldn't be the night he'd get what he wants and leave! But I was curious... so damn curious...

I couldn't deny that I was attracted to him! Maybe I could at least make out with him...find out what his lips felt like...there was nothing wrong about that.

"That's what the girls always tell you?", I tried to mock him but was too nervous to sound convincing. "You're quite a joker, huh?" "At least tryin to..."

"It's cute", he admitted. "Good, because I never run out of stupid jokes..."

"Trust me, I'd know a way or two to shut you up", he grinned to himself and took a last drag before he stubbed the cigarette out.

God, his words went straight to my core and put pictures in my head I hated but at the same time desperately wanted to happen. I wanted to find out what he wanted to do!

"Ya know what I always wanted to find out?", I asked without thinking about it twice. "What is it, gorgeous?" "If it's true that bass players don't just have skilled fingers when it comes to playin instruments."

I cracked the joke before I had thought about it. Why? Because I always had to listen to idiots tell me that and because I somehow really wanted to find out.

His smirk grew winder than I had seen it all night and it made me knees weak. "I can definitely show ya that."

"How about you first make me shut up?"

I had barely finished my sentence before I felt his free hand in my neck and soon enough his lips on mine.

I felt like melting right then and there! His lips moving against mine felt so good! But what started as a rather innocent kiss quickly became more heated. I grabbed the hem of his leather jacket, not to pull him closer but because I needed to hold on to something, anything."

His lips were moving against mine before he gently captured my lower lip with his. It was hard not too moan on the spot! And even harder when I tasted his tongue.

I damned those stupid barstools! I wanted him closer, needed him closer.

When we finally separated again my entire body was totally antsy!

"Speechless?", he asked teasingly. God, he was so damn hot!

I tried to think of something witty and fun, but I couldn't summon a single proper thought.

"You know...to prove the other thing we should probably move this somewhere more private...", he whispered into my ear and hadn't goose pumps already covered my entire body they definitely would have after he seductively kissed my neck.

I should tell him no. I should move my fucking ass back home.

But when he leaned back again and all I could think about was how I buried my fingers in his blond hair, I just nodded...

He had his arm around my waist when he let me out of the club and down strip. It was still dark and it wasn't hard to tell that there were still a bunch of parties going on in other places as well. Like I said, I had long lost my sense for time.

"My place ain't far from here", he told me and I nodded. Excitement was bubbling inside of me and gosh, I couldn't wait to kiss him again!

All worries and negative thoughts had been long gone as we walked through the cold night. I kept looking at him from the side and tried to hide the excited smirk on my lips. But

damn, he was even taller than I had guessed and looked so handsome in the dim glow of the streetlights.

I didn't know what to say. Where words needed?

I realized how he eyed me as well and a smug smile appeared on his lips. Shit, I wanted him. I had never felt this need for someone before, but I had also never allowed myself to get this carried away.

I bit my lower lip and tried to clear my thoughts but that attempt was quickly thrown completely over board when he suddenly pressed my back against the closest wall and kissed me. The kiss almost took my breath away.

Here I was standing on the strip with my back against the wall of some club and making out with a complete stranger. And it felt so right.

"Duff", I whimpered against his lips in a needy tone. "We should probably keep going, huh?", he smirked a little out of breath himself. "Except you consider this somewhere more private", I said with a grin on my lips but felt how he led me on with his arm around my hips once again.

"Wouldn't mind", he shrugged and lit another cigarette: "But I wanna take my time with you."

I swallowed hard and accepted the cigarette he wanted to share with me.

The next five minutes of us walking passed mainly without much talking but then I found myself in his one-bedroom apartment.

Alone with him now I felt the nervousness set back in.

So this was how it's gonna be?

"You want somethin to drink or anything?", he asked from behind me and I shook my head. Soon I felt him against my back with his arms around my body and his lips on my neck and shoulder.

I suppressed the low moan that had wanted to escape my lips and simply leaned back against him.

He had soon gripped the hem of my dress and pulled it over my head. A shiver ran through me but his warm hands that travelled my body soothed me and quickly found the clasp of my bra and opened it.

He was still kissing my neck when he whispered: "Turn around to me." I obeyed immediately.

The sight of my bare breasts exposed before him made him fight to contain his arousal as he hardened in his boxers. He lowered his head and wrapped his lips around my nipple. He sucked gently and I failed to find something to hold onto.

It was weird to be almost naked in front of him while he was still fully dressed, at the same time it made me feel excited.

"Get on the bed, I got something to prove", the blond haired told me smirking and I nodded. I tried not to run to the bed and could barely believe how caught up in the moment I was. My entire mind was foggy!

I watched him take off his leather jacket before he walked over to me and moved my thighs apart so he could lay down between them.

I could feel him hard against my center through our clothes but before the nervousness consumed me he had his lips on mine again and consumed my senses instead.

His body was pressed against mine and he traced his fingers down my body. He stroked over my thighs and spread them even more before moving to my panties.

Through the fabric he pressed his hand against me and gently rubbed me. A soft moan left my lips and I stirred underneath him and spread my legs further. Duff smirked against my breats and took my nipple in his mouth again as he began to rub me through my panties. His fingers ran over my slit as heat began to pool and I whimpered.

"Duff", I moaned softly.

He pulled away from my titts and brought his lips to mine while his fingers rubbed at my clit.

My eyes were closed, and I was lost in the moment, but I managed to bring my hand to his head and tangled my fingers in his blond, long hair. My lips parted as another soft moan left them and Duff pushed his tongue inside my mouth, massaging my tongue with his own.

His fingers were moving in circles over my clit and I whimpered against his lips as my panties became more soaked with each move he made.

I moaned and writhed on the bed as his hand travelled beneath my panties. Both of us moaned as he ran his middle finger between my folds, feeling how wet I was.

I whined his name again and lifted my hips to meet his hand.

He pushed his erection against my thigh and instinctively I reached down and stroked him through his pants.

"God you’re so wet for me", he growled in in my ear.

I bit my lip and raised my hips when suddenly he pulled away from me.

He knelt on the bed and smirked at me before ripping my panties down my thighs and tossing them to the floor.

My heart felt like it was about to pump out of my fucking chest.

He moved between my legs and crashed his lips against mine.

His fingers made their way back to my core and he pushed his middle finger inside me with ease, making me gasp.

"You want me to fuck you?", he pulled his finger out teasingly slow.

I bit your lip and without thinking I nodded as he pushed his finger back in.

He added a second finger, stretching me slowly: "But not yet."

He pulled his fingers away and I whined at the emptiness. But before I could protest Duff spread my legs apart and laid between them.

He ran the flat of his tongue along my slit, making me gasp and clutch at the sheets.

His tongue ran over my clit in two slow strokes.

I quickly covered my mouth with my hand and let out a moan.

His tongue ran over my clit in slow circles and he reached his hands up to squeeze my breasts. When he sucked at my clit I let out another moan into my hand and Duff pulled away.

"Oh No, baby", he told me and moved my hand from my mouth: "I wanna hear you."

I bit my lip and watched as he went back to his slow licks and his eyes never left mine as he ran his tongue over me. I felt like I was burning.

I squeezed my eyes shut and reached down, wrapping my fingers in his blond hair and raised my hips to meet him. He pulled back, only slightly and ran his fingers over my slit. He let out a growl as he watched, pushing two fingers into your throbbing pussy.

"Duff", I gasped and already felt extremely full. "Don't panic", I told myself and threw all worries away when he began to pump his fingers in and out of me, slowly at first before he increased his speed.

"You like that, baby girl?"

I moaned in response and he stopped his movements. He sucked at my clit and the change in pleasure made me squirm.

I whined and lifted my hips to meet the strokes of his tongue.

He moaned against me and the vibrations sent pleasure soaring through my veins. He began pumping his fingers once more, curling them against my wall and rubbing against my gspot.

I writhed on the bed, clutching at the sheets because of the amount of pleasure.

"Fuck..."

"You gonna cum for me doll?", he growled against me.

I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip as my orgasm coursed through me. MY walls clenched around his skilled fingers and his tongue didn’t stop running over your clit, making my legs tremble.

When my orgasm started to slow down he got up and took his clothes off, throwing them anywhere. Before he sat back down between my thighs, I watched him put on a condom through barely open eyelids.

Without a warning and therefor without giving me the time to over think this he plunged his cock into me. I gasped at his size and raked my nails down his back.

The pain was sharp and unknown.

"God you feel so good baby."

He crashed his lips against mine, stifling my moan as he pulled out of me slowly.

"So tight." He pushed into me again. I was frowning and pushed my eyes closed as I was trying to adjust to him. Fuck, he felt so good at the same time this hurt so bad but in the best way possible.

I moaned and ran my hands over his back as he set a pace with deep and slow thrusts. He wanted me to feel every inch of him entering me and he lost himself in the little whimpers I made as he pushed into me. After a few more thrusts when the pain was starting to die down, he pulled out of me and knelt on the bed.

"Rollover", he ordered.

I bit my lip and obeyed, kneeling in front of him on all fours. Duff let out a breath as he looked at my ass.

I felt him run his cock over my center before he pushed into me once more.

"Duff...", I hissed.

His change of angle set a whole new sense of pleasure and he set a faster pace. It hurt but felt so good... His cock slammed into me and I collapsed against the mattress, falling onto my elbows, arching my back more in doing so.

He brought his hand down swiftly, slapping my ass and making me gasp.

Duff gripped my hips and I moaned between breaths as he picked up a fast and hard pace, slamming into me hard and fast. He leaned forward and pulled my hair into a ponytail, his thrusts never slowing down. With a gentle tug at my hair he pulled me back onto all fours and with his spare hand he reached under me.

His fingers found my clit and he rubbed clumsy circles. I bit my lip, trying to contain my moans and arched my back. He leant over me, his breath on my shoulder and hearing his staggered breathing sent me into overdrive. He released his grip in my hair only to wrap his hand around your throat gently and pull me back enough so he could turn my head around to kiss him. Just what I needed.

"You gonna cum for me?"

I attempted to nod, which proved difficult with his grip on my throat. He didn't wait for an answer though and rubbed his fingers over my clit faster.

"Cum for me, babygirl."

I lost all control, my eyes rolling back as the waves of pleasure rolled through me, sending shivers all over my skin. His pace was sloppy now and I knew he was almost ready as well. He slowly pulled away and turned on his back so I knelt down on wobbly legs. I removed the condom and licked along his throbbing cock and he let out a low moan. I took him as deep as I could and began to suck him off until he grasped his cock and pumped it a few times before coming in my mouth.

I swallowed his load and his deep moans send a few last chills through me.

Both of us collapsed against the sheets, a sheer layer of sweat covering my skin as I tried to catch my breath.

"Shit that was good", he exhaled and placed a lazy kiss on my shoulder. "Yes, it was", I thought and grinned to myself, trying to process what had happened.

[wavyhairedbabyy]

Idiots - Part 2

Karl Jacobs x gn!reader

tldr: They’ve both got a crush. Sucks, since they’re the only ones oblivious to it. (Slow Burn!)

CW: none, fluffy :))

a/n: Picnic portion was inspired by Sunflower by Rex Orange County :) Sorry it took so long! Major writers block on this but now I’m back :)))

edited yet?: yes - let me know if I missed anything!

Part 1 - Part 2

“So we agree, I’m Eve and you’re Wall-E?” y/n asked as the credits began to roll.

“I want to sit here and disagree with you just to spite you, but I can’t,” Karl responded, “I could 100% see you blasting someone for just walking funny on a bad day.”

“I’d blast you just for the hell of it,” Y/n jumped onto their feet raising their arms up in a big stretch after sitting for the movie.

“Bad choice,” Karl reached his arms to the side of their body, immediately tickling them. Y/n immediately screamed out his name, trying to move themselves out of his grasp. As soon as Karl noticed this, he grabbed their arm to pull them back on to the sofa.

“You’re... going... to... regret... this!” Y/n huffed out, thrashing against him. Karl’s giggles and their screams echoed around the house. It wasn’t until y/n mustered up all of their strength to push him of the couch for them to escape his clutches.

Y/n ran to the bathroom, quickly locking the door behind them. Karl quickly ran behind them only to have the door slammed in his face, “Aw, c’mon y/n, let me in.”

“After that stunt you pulled? In your dreams, Jacobs,” Y/n turned toward the sink, ignoring Karl’s attempts to unlock the door. The only thing on their mind was their night routine and then hitting the hay.

As y/n started the warm water, the door swung opened making them jump. At the door frame stood Karl with a quarter in his hand, “Next time you should check to see what kind of lock I have.”

“Whatever, smart ass,” y/n rolled their eyes playfully, reaching for their tooth brush. They brushed their teeth as Karl scrolled through his phone. After the flight, unpacking, and a night with Karl, y/n just wanted to head to bed. They couldn’t even imagine how Karl felt with all the Mr. Beast stuff. After rinsing their mouth they asked, “You goin’ to bed too?”

Karl shook his head, “Nah, I’m going to stream for an hour or two. Nick and Alex want to practice for this Minecraft Championship thing so I’m gonna root them all while also roasting the crap out of them.”

Y/n should’ve known, especially with the mountains of energy drinks in his fridge. The man probably never sleeps, “Well you enjoy that. I’m knocking out for the night.”

Karl nodded. “I figured. You and you grandma schedule,” he giggled, resulting in a pout from them.

“You say that as if dealing with sleep deprived me isn’t one of the worst things in the world.”

“I mean, you got me there,” he shrugged. He walked over to them, wrapping his arms around them tightly, “Goodnight. Knock on my door if you need anything at anytime, okay?”

Y/n nodded, hugging back just as tightly. They wished this could last together. His smell was comforting, reminding her of happiness and serenity. His hold made them feel safe, like nothing could hurt them as long as he was there. The feeling ended too quickly as he pulled away, giving them one last smile before heading off to his stream room.

Y/n looked at themselves in the mirror, huffing to themselves. Going from not seeing Karl for over a year to all Karl all the time felt like sensory overload. The butterflies, the emotions, their head racing with thoughts that they shouldn’t have for someone who is just their best friend - it was a lot.

This was going to be a long week.

***

Y/n woke up to the sun’s rays gleaming through the blinds. Looking at their phone, they saw that it was 9AM. Juggling between the staying in bed and getting up, y/n decided that getting up was the better option. The last thing they wanted to do was go back to bed and mess up their “grandma schedule,” as Karl would call it.

Moving out of the bed, they reached their limbs as far as they could stretch them. After picking their outfit, they journeyed to the bathroom to get their morning started. On the way over, they peeked into Karl’s room and saw him still asleep. They had no idea when he had gone to bed so they shut the door quietly, making their way to the bathroom once again.

As they were brushing their teeth, y/n realized it was the day they were going to the warehouse for a Mr. Beast video. They knew they weren’t going to be filmed, but the nerves were still there. They had met Chris, which was helpful, but not Jimmy yet. What if they messed up a shot? Or messed up any equipment? Not touching anything while they were there seemed like a fool proof idea.

Y/n finished up their morning routine as they kept thinking of ways to not fuck anything up. Making their way to the kitchen, they knew the one thing that could - somewhat - calm their nerves: coffee.

Y/n happily found a jar of instant coffee. Not the best, but it’ll do. Upon unscrewing the jar, they noticed it a plastic film seal up which confirmed that it was brand new. Did Karl get this just because he knew they were coming? They couldn’t recall him ever drinking caffeine that wasn’t from an energy drink. Y/n didn’t know, but the idea of it made their heart melt.

***

Once Karl woke up, he and y/n made a quick breakfast together made their way over to the warehouse.

“I don’t know why, but I’m really nervous. I don’t even know what I’m nervous about. I know it’s going to be fine, but.... I don’t know,” y/n expressed on the drive there. It was a brand new experience and they didn’t know what to expect. They’ve never been on a set of any kind let alone one for someone as well known as Mr. Beast.

“Hey, you’ll be okay. I know it can feel overwhelming, especially for your first time. I’ll be there if you need anything,” Karl comforted them through their nerves. He held their hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, “If you ever need a minute, don’t wait to ask. Just take it.”

Y/n smiled at him. He was always great at making sure they were comfortable wherever they went. While the nerves were still there, they felt a lot better knowing Karl was available, even among the chaos that may ensue.

***

The day at the warehouse went really well. Y/n’s nerves went away about an hour in, but that didn’t stop Karl from checking every now and then. Y/n was grateful that they respected them not wanting to be filmed, especially when they started filming a Fear Factor like video with snakes, cockroaches, and tarantulas. With all the creatures around, it didn’t take long for them to grab one of the smaller boa constrictors and start chasing Karl around with it.

“Y/N! STOP! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?” Karl screeched, running away from them.

“REMEMBER THAT TICKLE ATTACK FROM LAST NIGHT? TOLD YOU YOU WOULD REGRET IT!” Y/n yelled back. They were laughing the entire time while Karl continued his screaming. Their fun chasing Karl was cut short when snake man had to start packing away his animals.

At some point during the day, y/n had taken a step outside for a social break. Chris took this time to continue the conversation he and Karl had in the car. Walking over to his friend, he asked, “So have you told them yet?”

Karl looked around to ensure you hadn’t come back or were around before responding, “No, I’m going to wait until right before they leave. I’m scared that I’ll tell them and it’ll ruin the week.”

Chris looked at Karl, absolutely dumbfounded, “Dude, I can’t believe the two of you. And you two acted the way you did today in college too?”

“I mean, yeah. We’re best friends. What’s wrong with how we’re acting?” Karl gave him a confused look.

“Nothing but it’s so painfully obvious y’all are into each other. I didn’t pick it up yesterday, but y/n is totally into you too, man,” Chris explained, “Even Chandler was able to pick it up. He thought I was kidding when I said you two weren’t a low-key thing. Please do both of yourselves a favor and just tell them.”

This conversation ran through Karl’s head the rest of the day. Did y/n really like him back? The thought of that made his stomach do flips. He became hyper aware of all y/n’s actions and they suddenly meant more to him. When they high-fived, he felt his hand on fire when they weaved their fingers with his. He was more aware of their body on his when they hugged, butterflies flying through his stomach when they gave him a squeeze.

The drive home was spent by y/n non-stop talking about how much of a great day they had right after a heated debate on where they would be picking up dinner. They were too tired to even thinking about cheffing up a meal. What y/n didn’t know was the nerves hidden underneath Karl’s semi-cool exterior on how he planned on confessing his feelings. Luckily, “semi-cool” was his middle name.

The two had stopped at the Asian fusion place they decided to pick up food from. As they got into the car, Karl’s eyes lit up as he came up with an idea for dinner and turned to y/n.

Y/n, noticing this, furrowed their brows and said, “You either have a really good idea or a really dumb idea, and I think you’re going to tell me whether I want to hear it or not.”

“You are absolutely right!” Karl giggled, “Anyways, to keep it short and simple, picnic in the park? I have a blanket and we can pick up some ice cream or something.”

“That... actually is a great idea! I’m starting a playlist now and I’ll share it with you. How does ‘stupidly great vibes’ sound?”

“Sounds perfect.”

***

The two sat on a hill in a nearby park, digging into their dinner with the last minute playlist y/n had come up with playing in the background. The bottom of the sun was barely touching the horizon, getting ready to set and give the sky to the moon for the night.

The comfortable silence they had was one of their favorite things about their relationship. Neither of them ever felt pressure to fill the emptiness. Just being in each other’s company was entertaining and pleasing for both of them. They just watched their surroundings, while enjoying their food and each other’s presence.

After they clean up, the silence continued. They sat shoulder to shoulder, enjoying the moment they were in. They both would steal side glances at each other without the other noticing. Moving to lean their head on Karl’s shoulder, Y/n was looking at the sunset but their thoughts were swarmed with him and the last day and a half. They loved how he always made sure they were comfortable and welcomed in any setting. They loved they way his voices would crack during a fit of giggles. Just one day with him had their mind swirling in a pool of just him. His touch, his smell, his voice. They felt like they were in a trance with him.

Being with them, Karl realized how much happier he was with them there. He realized how much giddier he was waking up, how his mood had been uplifted with just their presence. He loved how headstrong they were, but never so much to the point that it hurt other people. He loved the way they could up his self esteem in the matter of a few minutes. The more and more he thought about it, the more he realized he loved them. He loved them more than just a best friend. He’s had for a handful of years. He wanted more than just the title “best friend.”

The two sat there, both individually coming to the realization that they have been falling in love with the other over the last few years. Neither caught onto each other’s hints while every outsider saw the love for one another other bloom.

Karl turned his head, spotting a small white daisy in the grass next to their blanket. He leaned over to grab it which forced y/n to lift their head from where it was, their eyes watching for what he was reach for. Plucking it from the grass, he leaned back and gave it to y/n.

“For you,” he practically whispered with the goofiest grin on his face. Y/n took the flower from his hand, returning his smile.

“Aw, thanks Karl.”

They locked eyes immediately after. Any plans Karl had in his mind on confessing to y/n immediately got thrown out the window, the hours of thinking gone to waste. In that moment, he blurted out the only words he could make sense of in that instant, “y/n... I think I’m in love with you.”

Y/n froze, trying to wrap the words he said around their head. They for sure thought they were awake but after his confession, they couldn’t be sure if they were in a dream or not. Their mind was reeling, making the task of forming a sentence that made sense a difficult one.

At the same time, Karl was giving himself a mental face palm. He wanted to confess his feelings, but not to that level. His nerves were on high alert, already assuming the worst was yet to come. He had to save the friendship at the very least.

“I-I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to come out like that,” he rambled, “But - uh- I’ve had a crush on you for a while now and I never wanted to ruin the friendship but if you’re uncomfortable with that, that totally makes sense-”

As he kept talking, y/n began to collect their thoughts. They thought he looked so cute when he nervously rambled but they had to cut him off eventually, knowing his anxiety levels were through the roof.

“Karl,” As soon as he heard their voice, his rambling stopped and kept all eyes on them. He looked at them waiting for a response but receiving none. Instead y/n wrapped their arms around him, enveloping him in a warm hug, “I think I’m in love with you too.”

Karl felt his heart explode. Chris was right. He hugged them back just as, if not more, tight. Any nerves he had running threw his body were replaced with pure happiness. He didn’t need to hold anything back from them anymore.

Y/n pulled away from the hug, leaning their foreheads together, “Can I kiss you?”

Karl smiled, “Honestly, it’s all I’ve want since I made that shot into your coffee.”

Y/n gave Karl a bewildered look, “What? That long?” They exclaimed

“Yeah, but we have the rest of the week to talk about it.” Karl leaned in, pressing his lips gently against theirs, wrapping his hands around them to bring them closer. The kiss was gentle and sweet, as if they would be woken up from a dream if they were anything but that.

They pulled away from kiss, but remained in each other’s arms. They stayed silent and enjoyed each other’s presence and touch, each meaning much more than they had just a few moments earlier. All that was left in the park was the semicircle of the sun on the horizon, a bag of food scraps, and two idiots, dumbfounded at the love they had for each other.

***

If you liked this fic, check out my others:

Masterlist

[andiinaraethtash]

Chapter 14: What Have I Become, My Sweetest Friend? (Everyone I Know Goes Away in the End)

Notes:

As you may be able to tell, I've switched to updating on Saturdays. This just works better for me (mostly because of my work schedule). Anyway! Loved y'alls' reactions to Pearl being the traitor. Just remember that she is being coerced, but none of the others know that. TW: None, really, just that Sausage isn't in the best place mentally. It's not from his perspective, so you don't see the worst of it, but he's in shock, and dissociates pretty badly for a minute or two. And Scott isn't the kindest to himself either. Again, none of this is from their POVs, so you don't see the worst of it, but it's there, so be careful. Please. I love you all too much to want to accidentally trigger you. Chapter title form Hurt by Nine Inch Nails

It’s safe to say they’re all in shock. Lizzie is fairly certain Sausage is the first to move for several minutes, at least, and even then, all he does is drop his sword and collapse to his knees, staring into the void where Pearl had been just a short while ago.

After that, it’s Joey, who screams in rage as he whirls and chucks his axe directly into one of the dark oak trees surrounding the area. They all jump, all seven of them (Joel and Scott are probably back in their homes, if that’s where they set their spawn last, and with Pearl and fWhip gone, and Gem dead… their numbers are dwindling).

Shrub shifts, then slides off the Mother Wolf and goes to stand next to Joey, hesitating briefly before resting her hand on his arm. Surprisingly, he lets her, at least for a long moment before he shrugs her off and stomps over to the tree he embedded his axe in.

The sound of him freeing his axe snaps Lizzie out of her fugue. Blinking, she takes a deep breath and marches over to where Joel had died. He’d dropped his sword when he had, and she scoops it up and loops it into her belt. Not the best place for it, but it’ll do for now.

That done, she goes over to Sausage, who’s still staring numbly into the middle distance, and nudges him to his feet. “Come on, we can’t stay here.”

Katherine nods, but she looks distressed. “Where—where should we go? To our homes?”

Lizzie shakes her head. “No, we should stick together, head to Rivendell to check on Scott. This… this must have hit him pretty hard.” She looks down at Sausage as she says it, her concern morphing into worry when she sees that he’s still not responding to anything going on around him.

She’s never been particularly close to Sausage; his continuous picking on her little brother kept them from forming any friendship beyond mutual respect and trade agreement. But even she isn’t blind to how hard this has got to be hitting him. He’s just lost the last of his closest friends, and in one of the most painful of ways possible. He might not have been physically wounded like Scott and Joel had been, but he’s still hurting.

Pix clears his throat. “We should… we should get going. It’s nearly midnight, it’s not safe out here.”

Nods all around, and Jimmy grabs a nearly ruined torch from the rubble, lights it, and hurries over to where Scott had dropped his sword. As soon as he gives her a nod, she nudges Sausage again.

He doesn’t move, and she sighs, waves the others on, and kneels to be closer to his level. “Sausage, talk to me.”

Finally, his eyes focus on her face, and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before managing, “Pearl…” He cuts himself off as tears start building in his eyes.

“She made her choice,” Lizzie says, as gently as she can. Part of her wants to be bitter, wants to be scathing mad, but she also knows that wouldn’t exactly be helpful. “It’s not your fault.”

“But—but she—”

“I know, Sausage, and really, I’d love to tell you that things will be alright, but honestly I don’t have a clue what we’re going to do now. All I know is that betrayal always hurts, and always comes from where you expect it least.”

At that, his head snaps up. “No.” He says firmly, and she frowns.

“No, what?”

“No,” He repeats. “She didn’t betray us. I refuse to believe that. She’s got to be up to something. She’s got a plan, I know she does.”

Lizzie can’t help the way her eyebrows creep upward. She wants to believe the same—her heart immediately clings to the hope his statement creates—but she knows to go in believing that is going to result in someone getting killed. And she’s seen quite enough death, thank you very much.

So, slowly, she shakes her head. “I know why you want to believe that, but Sausage, look at the facts. She killed both Joel and Scott, and she’s put countless people in danger by working with Xornoth. And did you see her face after she stabbed Scott? That wasn’t the look of someone who was even slightly remorseful.”

He looks up at her in disbelief. “You really think that? How can you have so little faith in her? She’s your friend!”

“Well,” she answers, without really thinking, “betrayal never comes from an enemy.”

He actually physically stumbles back at her words, and she grimaces. “Look, Sausage, we should get going. We can have this discussion later, with everyone present.”

He stares at her for a long moment, hurt and disbelief plain in his eyes, before finally he nods, takes her offered hand, and picks up his sword. “I still think you’re wrong,” he says hoarsely.

She sighs. “I hope I am.”

_______

As soon as they reach the dark oak forest that borders Rivendell from the west, there’s an issue, namely that there’s a winter storm surrounding the mountains Rivendell is built on. The wind whips around, faster than a hurricane, carrying with it shards of ice and heavy flakes of snow.

Within a minute, the others are all shivering, as none of them are really dressed for winter. Jimmy’s not too bothered by the cold—something about his cod-biology has him mostly immune to it—but the force of the wind is making flying impossible, and he’s reminded starkly of the storm that was blowing through the valley he’d found Scott hiding in his self-imposed exile. They’re undoubtedly from the same source, but this one… this one is so much worse than the other.

Finally, they reach the plateau on the mountain the village sits on, with blue lips and trembling hands, only to find that there is no one to greet them. The homes are quiet, boarded up, with no smoke coming from the chimneys, and Jimmy feels his heart sink. They’re running out of empires that are safe to house their people. The Gilded Helenthia, the Grimlands, Rivendell… they’re all deserted, or have been abandoned by their rulers, and Jimmy’s not sure which is worse, that the rulers have given up on the kingdom, or that the people have.

The snow drifts threaten to swallow them whole, getting thicker and deeper as they press on, getting closer to the lodge Scott has called home for as long as most of them have known him. Jimmy takes the lead from Sausage, who’s most dressed for the weather, as they reach the cover of the awning far above them. It doesn’t stop the bitter, biting wind, or the sharp frigid cold of the air, but it does mean the snow is slightly less thick, and the others are able to lean against the structure for a moment to catch their breath while Jimmy works on clearing the door of snow.

As soon as the door’s cleared, he starts banging on it, as loudly as possible, with such force that even he’s surprised the door doesn’t break down.

There’s no answer.

He bangs again, louder, calling out at the top of his lungs, “Scott! Scott, you in there? It’s us, are you alright?”

The wind steals his words. There’s still no answer.

Jimmy swears under his breath, trying to tell himself that the sinking feeling in his gut has nothing to do with the lack of answer, before someone nudges him aside and suddenly Pix is picking the lock with shaking hands, which is just… Jimmy didn’t even know Pix knew how to do that. Shaking off his surprise, he waits until Pix stops and nods at him before readying himself to kick the door down.

A hand on his shoulder stops him, and he turns to see his sister standing over him. She’s leaning against her trident, but she straightens when he meets her eyes, jerking her head off to one side to tell him to move. Hesitantly, he obeys, and she braces herself and slams against the door.

The wood breaks apart, but it somehow stays upright, and Jimmy glances over at Lizzie, whose eyes mirror his own confusion. The door should have fallen in—unless there was something propping it up from inside.

Hurriedly, he starts prying the wood away, getting help from the others as they start realising that their best chance at getting out of the cold is inside. As soon as the first plank of wood is being tossed aside, Jimmy swears again, a sentiment echoed by most of the others, because the thing that had been propping the door up is a solid sheet of ice, so thick light is barely making it through. There’s no way they’re getting through that.

Beside him, he sees Pix squeeze his eyes shut and mutter a prayer. Letting out a heavy sigh, Jimmy steps back—stumbles, really—and his shoulders slump. Cod, he’s exhausted, and sore, and covered in viscera that has frozen to his skin. He needs a bath. And a nap. And a nice, hot meal.

But he’s getting none of those things until he knows Scott is okay.

There’s a blur of motion, and Jimmy winces as a loud thud rings out. Sausage has charged at the opening, probably bruising if not breaking his shoulder with the force he rammed into it with. As Sausage recoils, making small, wounded sounds, Jimmy cautiously approaches the doorway, spreading his hands against the ice. There’s no give, no slickness that would indicate some source of warmth.

“Oh, Scott,” He whispers, because what else is he supposed to say? Pearl and Scott had been getting close, becoming better friends since the Rivendell festival, but now… now she had turned on them, and they had no clue what to do next.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Shrub pull a pickaxe out of her bags, and he quickly pulls out his own. Giving her a nod, they alternate dealing blows against the ice.

It takes several minutes, but eventually they manage to chip away a hole, about as deep as Jimmy’s arm is long, and almost tall enough for Shrub to step into. She doesn’t try to, though, instead looking to Jimmy, who nods and steps closer to the opening.

“Scott?” He calls, projecting his voice as best he can. “Scott can you hear us?”

There’s no answer for a long moment, then something that sounds like a whisper drifts through, and Jimmy cocks his head, trying to decipher what was said.

“What?” he says, and this time he can hear the answer loud and clear.

“Leave me alone!” Scott screams, and a spike of ice erupts from the hole they’d painstakingly carved, nearly spearing Jimmy’s eye and definitely carving a line along his cheekbone. He stumbles back, hand clutching the spot that instantly starts bleeding, the warmth of the blood shocking to his frost-numbed fingers.

“Scott!”

“Jimmy!”

The various rulers seem torn as to who they’re more concerned about, but Jimmy waves his sister off.

“I’m fine, it’s nothing—”

He’s interrupted by the storm picking up in intensity, causing a nearby tree branch to crash down. The wind picks it up and throws it against the lodge’s walls. As one, they all wince, and Sausage shouts something that’s stolen by the storm.

Katherine must catch on, though, because she’s hurrying forward almost immediately and tugging Pix down so she can say something in his ear, where it’s less likely to be torn away by the wind.

Pix looks for a moment like he’s going to protest, but a look from Katherine and a glare from Sausage get him moving and he’s pulling out a few packs of TNT which he sticks at various points in the wall of ice before twining the fuses together and lighting it.

AS soon as the spark takes, they all back off, Jimmy covering his ears, which ultimately does nothing because he can barely hear the explosion over the howling wind. But the goal is accomplished; there’s now a hole big enough for even Lizzie to slip through, if she ducks.

Jimmy immediately charges through, nearly slipping on the ice-coated floor, and he whirls around, looking for Scott, but something else grabs his attention first: the hole they’d blown is fast sealing itself back up, icy spikes driving across the gap and thickening to form another wall. Jimmy shakes his head as Pix pulls out more TNT, but he’s not sure they see it before the hole is completely sealed over.

Either way, he’s now trapped inside with a walking snowstorm, and he has no idea where said snowstorm is.

“Scott?” He calls, vaguely concerned at how quiet it is in here. The blizzard outside is barely audible, making the entire scene feel slightly disconnected from reality.

“I said go away!” There’s another blast of ice, this one missing Jimmy entirely as he tries to dodge, slips, and lands hard on his hands and knees. But he did see where it came from, and looking up, he spots Scott hiding in the rafters above the storage area of his lodge.

Jimmy sighs, stands, and puts his hands on his hips. “No, because I’m worried about you, and we need to know you’re okay. With everything going on, we can’t lose you too!”

“What, like we lost Pearl? Or maybe like how we lost Gem, or maybe fWhip?” Scott’s voice is shaking, and it’s clear he’s been crying—or is still crying, Jimmy’s not sure. “How do I know you’re not working with him, too?”

With that, Jimmy’s temper snaps. “What, like how you didn’t know if I was the one working for Xornoth back before, in Mythland? I saw that look you were giving me, you and Sausage both. You know me, Scott.”

Scott’s head snaps up, his gaze sharp and cold even from this distance. “I knew Pearl, too,” he says, and Jimmy has to shift his weight to avoid slipping on the suddenly jagged ice.

Even the layer coating the walls and ceiling has turned spiky, and Jimmy can distantly hear someone—it sounds like Katherine—shriek in alarm. The weather outside probably just took a turn for the worse.

Bracing himself, Jimmy stands as straight as he can, looking Scott directly in the eye. “Then we obviously didn’t know her. But we’re here, and we’re here to help you. So let us do that. Let us help you.”

Slowly, Scott shakes his head, and the ice smooths back over. “You can’t. You can't help me, not when I’m the problem.”

“You’re the—what?” Jimmy can honestly say he has no idea what Scott is talking about, but it sounds like he’s blaming himself.

Scott lowers his head, hiding his face in his knees. “I’m the problem. It’s my brother that I couldn’t beat, that I couldn’t contain. I went to Gem for help, and she died. fWhip went after me, and he got possessed. I made friends with Pearl, and now… now she’s turned her back on us. It’s me, I’m the common denominator.”

Jimmy gapes for a moment, the anger quickly replaced by disbelief. He really thinks—

“Now that’s just absurd,” he’s saying aloud before he can think better of it, and Scott peeks over his knees just long enough for Jimmy to notice, his expression one of faint confusion.

Jimmy presses on. “We could just as easily say it was all Sausage’s fault, because it was all his friends that are gone, and he was the one who helped Xornoth last time he was out, or we could blame Joey for helping him, or we could blame me, because I was the one that led the Codfather Alliance into the End to kill the Ender Dragon. But we don’t. And we don’t blame you either. Right now, we just need to figure out what we’re going to do next.”

“What are we supposed to do now?” Scott asks, sounding utterly lost. “We’ve lost… we’ve lost so much. My people are gone, Pearl has turned on us, Gem… fWhip… they’re all gone.”

Jimmy would love to say he knows exactly what to say to that, but he doesn’t. He just knows Scott is hurting, and he doesn’t know how to fix it.

So he does the next best thing.

Quietly climbing the stairs up to the loft, he glides over to the rafters Scott is perched on, careful not to slip on the ice-covered beams. Scott looks up as he lands, looking startled, and Jimmy settles as close to him as he can, grabbing his hand and squeezing it while trying not to wince at how cold he is.

“The rest of us are still here, though,” Jimmy says quietly, just loud enough to be heard of the muted howl of the wind outside. “And your people might not be in Rivendell anymore, but they’re alive, and they deserve a life free from Xornoth’s corruption. So stop wallowing; fight for them.”

“I can’t!” Scott cries—literally. He’s got tears streaming down his face, and Jimmy’s heart clenches. He hates seeing him in pain. “Every time I fight, I lose, and I’m so tired of losing, Jimmy, I’m so tired. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy says, still with that soft tone of voice. “Me too. But you know what?”

Scott meets his eyes warily. “What,” he asks wearily, and Jimmy smiles ever so slightly.

“I’m still going to fight. Because some things are worth fighting for.” He takes Scott’s other hand, squeezing both gently.

Scott stares at him for a long moment, clenches his jaw, then takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jimmy asks, confused, and Scott nods.

“I’ll keep fighting. But Jimmy,” Somehow his expression becomes more serious, “Xornoth and Pearl both know intimately how I think. How Sausage thinks, too, and we were the two main leaders. We need someone else to step up if we want to have a chance, and besides, I need to get these powers under control.”

“I know,” Jimmy says, wondering where Scott is going with this. “We’ve had this discussion before.”

Scott purses his lips. “Yeah, well, it didn’t seem to register for you, because you were still looking to me to lead.”

“Well, who else is supposed to lead?” Jimmy asks, because he genuinely can’t think of anyone who is as well suited to leading a military effort as Scott and Sausage, and like Scott said, neither of them are options anymore.

Scott gives him a familiar, exasperated look, and Jimmy knows he’s missing something important. “It’s called the Codfather alliance for a reason, Jimmy.”

He stops breathing for a second, and when his lungs kick back in, it’s so that he can stutter out, “What?”

Scott repeats himself, somehow sounding more exasperated than he had before.

“I know, I heard you, but seriously, what? You want me to lead? After what happened last time I tried to lead a fight?”

“The Ender Dragon was not your fault, Jimmy. All of us were there, and none of us stopped it.”

“Not all of us were there to stop it, either,” Jimmy says, aware that he sounds petulant, but Scott either ignores that or just doesn’t care.

Instead, the elf just sighs. “Jimmy, we need you to step up, because if you don’t, no one will.”

Jimmy shakes his head. He doesn’t know what to think or what to say. “Pix—”

“Isn’t a warrior, and you and I both know it.”

“Neither am I, Scott!”

“You’re more a warrior than you think you are. Besides, you’ve got a natural charisma that we all would follow to hell and back. None of the others have that.”

“Lizzie or Joel—”

“Same problem, they’re not warriors. And besides, they’re both too attached to you to effectively lead us all in battle.”

“What, and I’m not attached to anyone?” Jimmy would be offended, but really, he’s too surprised. This is not how he expected the conversation to go.

Scott rolls his eyes. “You’re attached to all of us, so you’d do everything you can to keep us all safe, while Lizzie and Joel just… aren’t. You’re their family, that’s as far as their attachment goes, and thus they’d put your safety over the safety of the rest of us.”

Jimmy groans and buries his face in his hands. “Why are you so insistent on this?” He grumbles.

With a soft scoff, Scott leans back. “Because you’re the only other person I would follow into battle without question.”

There’s a long moment where Jimmy can’t say anything, just opens and closes his mouth like the fish he is, and Scott manages a half smile. Right when Jimmy finally comes up with something to say— That’s sweet, Scott, but I’m really not the right person for this— the elf frowns, tilting his head slightly.

“You hear that?”

Jimmy stops, listens, and realises that he can’t hear the howling of the wind anymore. The silence is eerie. After so long with the sound in the background, the absence of it is startling.

Scott sighs and pushes himself up to his feet. “Aeor, I hate these powers.”

With a shrug, Jimmy follows him. “Useful, though. You were able to hit Xornoth pretty hard.”

“But not good enough to stop him,” Scott says as he glides down to the floor.

Jimmy also jumps down to the floor, spreading his elytra at the last second to prevent himself from breaking his ankles. “But maybe enough to slow him down. And that could be just what we need to take him down.”

[broadstbroskis]

the countdown | kevin hayes

a/n: @hockeynetwork ran another wonderful fic exchange this season! i had the lovely @fanfics-for-the-hockey-fan and one of the questions i asked you was for your favorite tropes. you gave me “families are super close and have a bet going on who realize they are in love with each other first.” this is...not quite that 😂 but similar and i hope you enjoy anyway 💚

8:43 pm

Olivia slams her car door shut and checks her watch, swearing as she jogs around to the passenger side to gather everything she’s brought. Besides her activity ring judging her for not meeting her goal, she’s late and she’s going to take so much shit for that.

She practically jogs to the door (or, well, as best as she can in her high heeled booties), plate of her famous chocolate chip cookies in hand, and then stops abruptly right on the front porch when the door opens before she can do it herself.

There goes her hope of just sneaking in.

It’s Jimmy. Of course, it’s Jimmy, with that classic Hayes shit-eating grin on his face as he greets her, even though this isn’t even his fucking house. “Livvy! Rolling in 45 minutes late even though you’re the closest one here.”

“This is honestly so rude of you.” She complains, even as she pulls him in for a hug. She wouldn’t have expected any less from Jimmy, who gives her just as much shit as her own older brother does and always has, ever since they were all kids growing up together in Dorchester. “This is how you treat me, after I show up here with cookies I made especially for you?”

His eyes light up, like she knew they would, even though they both know they’re not just for him. But her chocolate chip cookies are a big hit with all of them, and instead of calling her out on it, he reaches for the plate. “I’ll just take those from you now; put them somewhere safe.”

Olivia laughs. “Nuh-uh. Lemme in; it’s cold as fuck out here.”

Jimmy finally steps aside so she can follow him in the doorway, and only then does Liv hand him the plate of cookies, so that she can take off her coat, revealing the sparkly tank she’d dragged out of her closet just for the evening. “Where’s the champagne?” She pouts, as he leads her on a familiar route deeper into the house. “You came to greet me at the door and didn’t even bring me bubbly?”

“Kristin probably drank it all already.” He jokes, which is straight blasphemy, because she knows his wife set aside at least two bottles just for the two of them to share the minute she walked in the door. 

“My girl would never!” Olivia says confidently, and sure enough, the second the two of them walk into the family room to join the rest of the families, his wife is holding up two flutes of champagne with a large smile on her face.

“Livvy!” Kristin cheers and Liv finds herself being pulled into the blonde for a hug and a glass of champagne being thrust into her hand before anyone in her own family can even say hello to her. “You’re here, finally.”

“Oh my god!” Olivia takes a sip of her champagne and rolls her eyes, exasperated. “Every person in this room has been more late to something than I am right now! Jack’s never showed up to Thanksgiving on time or without a hangover in his life and nobody says shit!” She deflects to her younger brother, who holds his hands up innocently.

“We’re not talking about me right now, Livvy.” The grin on Jack’s face widens, somehow. “We’re talking about you lying to all of us.”

She’s absolutely taken aback by that because she hasn’t? She’d panicked in the group chat earlier about getting stuck on a call at work, and then stuck in traffic, which set her back getting ready to come over here and meet all of them. She would have been on time. She’s always on time. “What are you talking about?” She frowns, as a tall person drops an arm around her shoulders and squeezes. “I haven’t lied to anyone.” She looks over at Nolan and pulls a face at him, and then laughs as he deadpans one back to her. 

She’d been sure that her long time best friend’s roommate had hated her when they first met, but Kevin had been quick to assure her that was just how Nolan was. It hadn’t taken her long to realize that was true. Beneath Nolan’s resting bitch face that put hers to absolute shame, was an absolute sweetheart; she hated having to admit she was wrong to Kevin. 

“To anyone?” Jimmy and Mike, Liv’s older brother, are looking at each other with this ridiculous look of both disbelief and mocking. “Not lying about anything?”

“You saw me literally last week?” She addresses her brother. She’d gone home for Christmas; they’d sat with all their cousins at their grandmother’s and had a great time, just like always. “What the fuck are you on?”

“Olivia!” Her mom snaps, half-heartedly, not even looking away from the conversation she’s having with Liv’s dad and Kevin’s parents. 

But Mike merely grins at her. “I don’t know, Liv.” He says, as she’s lifted off the floor and twirled around. “You tell me.”

But she can’t really hear anything he says after that, too busy laughing and shoving at Kevin, trying (unsuccessfully) to get him to put her down. He does, finally, but leaves his arm around her shoulders, even when she tries to shove her shoulders against him in retaliation (a wildly unsuccessful attempt, he goes absolutely nowhere, she really just ends up bringing herself closer to him).  “Here’s my girl!”  Kevin cheers, shaking her enough that she almost spills what’s left in her champagne glass (and she would have killed him for wasting such a commodity). “ I told you to take off today.”

“Ugh, I wish I could have.” Except they have this huge launch in the first week of the year and they’re still putting finishing touches on, so that was absolutely not happening. It’ll be a miracle that they finish on time as it is. She’s going to pop so much champagne once this goes off.

Kevin, who’s definitely familiar with this work project that she’s been bitching about for months now, laughs; he knows she couldn’t take off earlier, even if she’d really wanted too, and he squeezes her shoulders once. “A few more days and you’re done. Forever.” She clinks her glass against his beer in a cheers. Bless. “Thank god.” He continues. “I don’t like the person you are when you’re 3am deep in emails, Livvy.”

“Lies.” She elbows him, the only time she can really get some leverage against him, when her bony elbow manages to find the spot just under his ribcage. “You love me all the time.”

“Well that’s cute.” Mike says, in that dangerous voice that Liv always finds hard to read. “Just the nicest couple of liars.” And it’s the way he says couple, that really does it for her, but it goes right over Kevin’s head, if the way he just leads her to the kitchen to put down her cookies and get a plate of food, is any indication.

-----

9:23 pm

“Okay, spill.” Kristin says, the second she manages to get Liv alone, not a terribly easy feat, as Liv’s been doing everything she can to avoid that. 

“Spill what?” Kristin’s got that look in her eyes, like she’s not going to let this go...whatever this is.

“Whatever’s going on with you and Kev.”

Olivia blinks. “There’s nothing going on with me and Kev.” Except that’s maybe not exactly true. It’s not a lie- there’s definitely nothing going on between them. They’re still friends, definitely still friends. But...there’s definitely not nothing between them either.

There’s too many late nights on one of their couches, spent doing absolutely nothing but talking. Too many lingering touches that don’t lead anywhere. Too many glances across a crowded room where she feels like a magnet is pulling her there in the first place, and then can’t seem to pull herself away.

So like. There’s not nothing. But nothing’s changed; they’re still goofy Kevin and organized Liv, best friends taking on the world (in Philly, now; together again, finally).

“Bullshit.” Kristin calls her out, but Liv’s saved by the arrival of one of Kevin’s sisters, who tries to wrangle them in for a picture before they all become too messy later.

It’s an easy reminder though, of how well these people all know her. So it’s probably time to lock it down for the night.

-----

10:05 pm

It’s quiet in the kitchen, where Olivia has made herself busy cleaning up after stopping in the bathroom. She’s gathered up leftovers of anything that needs to be put away, separated into bags and containers for everyone to take home, and then started on the dishes, when suddenly she feels a finger poke her side, before an entire arm wraps around her stomach.

“Stop that.” Kevin murmurs into her ear, trying to tug her away. “They’ll still be dirty for us tomorrow.”

“It’s fine.” She fights against him. “The whole thing took me like, five minutes.”

“You’ve been gone for fifteen.” Kevin says, wrapping his other hand around her waist and lifting her away from the sink. “And that’s not the point.”

He sets her down on the other side of the counter; the sink’s not even in reach anymore. She gets her revenge by wiping her wet hands on his henley, but Kev doesn’t even blink, still staring down at her. “I was almost done!” She protests.

“We can clean the kitchen tomorrow.” Kevin says calmly. “Come hang out with us. I know you’ve got this thing about cleaning and order and shit but I swear to God, Nols and I are not going to fight you on this; you can put everything back wherever you want to put it tomorrow.”

Liv bites her lip so he won’t see her laugh, but of course he knows and a grin immediately stretches across his face. “I’m going to hold you to that.” She says. “I’m finally reorganizing your spice shelf.”

“It’s chaos and we like it that way.” Kevin grins and it’s only when she shakes her head, and the ends of her hair actually hit his face does she realize how close he is.

“It’s anxiety-inducing,” She corrects, smiling right back as Kevin brushes her hair back from her face. “And I don’t know how you two ever get any food made here.”

“Meal service.” Kevin shrugs, but his voice is almost overshadowed by the sound of a gasp behind her.

When she and Kevin both go to look though, the hallway is empty, and Liv shrugs right back at Kevin, before they both grab fresh drinks and join their families again.

-----

11:18 pm

Once Nolan eliminates her from the annual beer pong tournament (fuck him AND his bony elbows that were definitely over the line), Liv drapes herself over her mom’s shoulders and squeezes. Across from her, the Hayes’ both laugh, and her dad just rolls his eyes fondly, but Olivia knows her mom and knows she doesn’t care.

In fact, she welcomes it. Her mom squeezes her hand and she’s grinning, always happy for these moments with her children. “Tough loss, kid.”

“It’s fine.” Liv says, not at all bitter. “Nols is a cheating cheater who cheats. Kev will avenge me.” He’s already up by three cups; it’s looking pretty good.

There’s more laughter, and then her mom is squeezing her hand again. “We’re really happy for you, you know.” 

Liv’s a little tipsy, so she doesn’t really question the strangeness of that statement. She kisses her mom’s cheek and hugs her again. “Love you guys too!” She says, and then goes back to watching Kevin clean up for the rest of this game.

-----

11:55 pm

With five minutes to midnight and Kristin crowned as this year’s beer pong champ, the attention turns to the countdown and a flutter of activity toward preparing their traditional midnight champagne toast. 

Olivia accepts her glass from her mom and then wanders off to find her phone quickly, dead set on getting a picture of the toast for an instagram post in the morning. It’s still in the kitchen, where she’d left it when cleaning earlier, and she grabs it off the counter, ignoring most of the messages on there in favor of checking the one from Kristin (what she could possibly have to say when she’s literally across the room…).

It’s not actually a text; it’s a picture. A picture of Liv and Kevin, right after Kevin had beaten Nolan at beer pong. She’d thrown herself at him; he’d lifted her up in celebration, both of them laughing and cheering.  They look happy and perfect and like something...it’s practically a boyfriend filter...except it’s two of them, her and Kevin.

Definitely not nothing.

“Whatcha looking at?” Kevin’s voice surprises her; she’d been so focused she hadn’t even heard him come up to her.

Liv’s so not the risk taker in this friendship; Kev’s the one dragging her out to new places and new things while she’s the one telling him to take a step back and think things through. And yet, even though it’s the scariest thing in the world to show him, it somehow doesn’t feel like she’s diving in headfirst at all as she tilts the screen a little for him to see. “Kristin sent me this.” 

Even though he’s standing right next to her, Kevin still takes a step closer and his free hand, the one not holding his flute of champagne, slides around her waist. “Hey!” He grins, squeezing her gently. “It’s us!”

“Yeah,” She says, much more quietly. “It is.”

He’s quiet for a moment then, but doesn’t move away either. “It’s a good picture of us.”

“It is.” She repeats, agreeing.

“That’s not why you showed me this, is it?”

“No.” Liv swallows the lump in her throat nervously. “It’s not.”

“Livvy.” Kevin says gently and that’s it. That’s all it takes for her to open up.

“I’m so tired of this, Kev.” She shakes her phone, like that’s going to explain everything. “This-this in between thing. This more than friends, but not quite more. I hate it here! I hate looking at this picture and seeing what Kristin sees but knowing that what she sees is wrong. I hate the uncertainty, I hate feeling like there’s this thing but then neither of us does anything, so it just lingers.” She takes a breath, set on continuing, but Kevin jumps in before she can.

“You just hate not knowing something.” He grins.

“Kevin.” Liv snaps crankily, but before she can say anything else to him, he’s pressing her back against the counter and kissing her.

She’s vaguely aware of her champagne crashing to the ground, never more thankful for the fake plastic flutes that their moms always insist on, but Liv really can’t be bothered, even by spilled champagne, as she grips Kevin’s hips to pull herself closer and sinks into a truly amazing first kiss.

“Aw, hell yeah!” She hears from behind her, and pulls away reluctantly, noting the equally annoyed look on Kevin’s face. “I knew it, let’s go!”

It’s Jimmy, looking entirely too pleased to find his brother making out against a counter than he eats off all the time. Actually, it’s all of them- Jimmy, Kristin, Nolan, her brothers, Kevin’s sisters, their parents. All staring at them with bright grins on their faces and bickering.

“I told you-”

“We all fucking knew-” Jack shoves at Mike.

“-they’ve been together for ages.”

“Hey, back up! Just because they were making out now, doesn’t mean they’ve been together for ages; I had New Year’s in the pool!” Nolan pouts.

“I’m sorry,” Liv says, apparently sounding terrifying enough that every one of them stops talking. “There was a pool?”

Every one of them freezes, but for barely a moment, before they’re all talking over each other again and bumping into each other in their haste to back up. “Come on, we’re not even going to ask when this happened?” She hears Jack complain. “There’s $500 on the line here!”

“It’ll stay that way.” Kevin calls and Liv buries her face in his chest to hide her laugh. “Not telling you now!” A few groans echo back into the kitchen as he looks down at her to confirm her agreement. “We’re not telling them...ever, right?”

“Oh, it’s you and me to the grave.” Liv confirms, pulling him down for another kiss.

[blackbat05]

Hope

Jimmy Woo x Reader 

A/N: I think if I’m stressed I just end up writing more as a source of comfort. Anyways, I have finally achieved my promise of writing a new character! I really love Jimmy Woo especially after his appearance in WandaVision y’all (please, he deserves more love). Again, I had an idea in my head and I just went along with it - the reader is basically living alone and with the blip, her mental health just takes another hit. Jimmy is there to support her and to also give her news that brings a little bit of hope to the reader. Not sure how it turned out but would appreciate if you gave a like or comment if you wish! Enjoy! 

Genre: PG 13 

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, struggling with mental health after the blip (this is pretty interesting and I would like to explore more if possible), two idiots having a crush on each other? 

‘Another late night?’ A cup of coffee is placed on your table. You look up to see that it belongs to your long-time friend and colleague from the FBI, Jimmy Woo.

‘Yeah,’ you groaned as you tried stretching your back against the chair. ‘Helped Agent Cortez from the DEA to chase down a few leads back in Detroit. I just got back at two in the morning,’ stifling a yawn. ‘What about you?’ You attempt to prolong the conversation. It was always nice seeing Jimmy to start the day right. Let’s just say that over the years, you developed feelings for this charming man.

‘Been the same old thing, board wants us to keep tabs on Maximoff,’ referring to the Scarlet Witch. You couldn’t help but to feel sorry for the former Avenger who was probably on the run now after causing the Westview anomaly. Glancing around the office, you realized there were more people starting to stream in. Not the best place for a private conversation. Standing up, you pointed upwards, asking him silently if he wanted to talk on the rooftop instead.

Your insides couldn’t have been more thankful for the warm brown liquid that trickled down your esophagus. Feeling a bit more awake, you decided to be more active. ‘Do they know that Captain Rambeau let Wanda go?’

He shakes his head, ‘Monica told the board by the time she got to where Wanda was supposed to be, she was gone,’ he looks at you, waiting for your reaction. ‘I know what you’re thinking but-’

‘Hey, I’m not Hayward. Anyone with two pairs of eyes and functioning brain would know that Wanda is not the villain that SWORD made her to be. I don’t know her but somehow I feel…’ You trailed off, not being able to find the right words.

You heard a lot about the sorceress through Jimmy’s nightly calls with you when he was in Westview. Just how could someone go for so long being so alone? His last call before storming into Westview was… impactful.

‘So you going to arrest her?’

There was a bout of silence before Jimmy gave a sigh, ‘To be honest, I don’t know. Monica’s in there right now so I trust her. But Wanda’s probably not going to stay in the States if she walks free. He tells you to give him a moment as he shouts in the distance to someone - a fellow FBI agent. ‘Hey, I got to go.’

‘Be careful.’

You cup your hands around the coffee, gazing into the distance. Like the FBI office, people were starting their day too. The day started to become brighter as the skies were tinted with navy blue specks. How long has it been since you were living here alone in Washington?

Jimmy tries not to intrude into your thoughts but as a friend who had knew you for over a decade, he wasn’t dumb. You were probably thinking about your family, a thousand of miles away from America. He remembers you bursting into his house after graduation, not caring about your tear-stricken face. Apparently your family wanted to move back to your homeland back in Madripoor.

But you were just starting out your career here, preparing to go to the police academy and all. It was your dream - hell, it was what you wanted. You felt pride serving people and helping others. People called you basic and naïve for having those thoughts, but it was that desire that kept you going till now.

Then the blip happened. As Jimmy sees the people below his apartment block vanishing into dust, the first person he thinks is to call you. It just kept going back to voicemail.

You’re in your new apartment that the Global Repatriation Council managed to arrange for you. It was a cozy two room apartment located on the fifth floor. You should have been thankful and you were, but just like how the lights were all switched off, you were spiraling into a vast land of meaningless thoughts.

Everyone had moved on without you. The moment you were dusted back into your old apartment back in Jersey, you immediately called your family to receive the biggest shock of your life. Your younger brother was caught in a shootout between the Vladivostok mafia and the local gangs at Club Azimut. What in the name of gods was he even doing there anyway?

‘I think it’s best not to come home for a while Y/N, your father-’

‘Thinks that it’s my fault,’ you finished the sentence for your mother. I couldn’t blame them. You were essentially a cop. Which made your brother a target especially in shit holes like Madripoor. Of course, your father was pissed beyond repair - B/N died and you caused it.

‘It’s ok mom, I get it. Take care of yourself ok?’ Before she could say another word, you hung up. The room was overwhelming the lone figure with its silence. Maybe that’s why you found yourself bursting into tears.

Jimmy walks to your apartment door, two bags of Chinese takeout in one hand. He slows down when he hears the muffled sobs. The door to your place was ajar. Pushing it carefully, he walks past the entrance to see your dazed figure leaning against the wall, unpacked boxes surrounding you. You don’t even notice that someone had entered your house.

‘What am I supposed to do Jimmy?’ It felt like your heart was stretched into every single direction every time you spoke a word. You couldn’t stop yourself from trembling. 

Jimmy puts the bags aside on the dining table, taking a seat beside you. He doesn’t say a word and the only sound that could be heard within your apartment was the honking of cars eagerly awaiting to get back home to their families. Reaching for the television control, he switches it on to a documentary channel, letting you lean on him. 

You realized that you had floated into a world of your own thoughts, leaving Jimmy standing beside you on the rooftop. ‘I’m sorry Jimmy, got carried away.’ 

He shakes his head as he continues to sip his coffee. That was what made Jimmy so comfortable to be around with. But you knew that as your best friend, you weren’t going to short change him - he had given you the time and space that you needed. 

‘Talking about Wanda just makes me think about Madripoor,’ you started, unsure of how to continue. ‘It’ll be eleven, twelve years of me living alone.’ You didn’t even bother to count anymore, what good would it do? ‘I dedicate nearly half my life to the force, believing that it was the right choice,’ you said, ‘but I lost the people around me instead. I just don’t know how long I can continue with all this,’ you waved around, referring to the late nights, the long stake outs and the dangerous situations that you were constantly tossed in. Sure, you were lucky to have good colleagues who made sure you didn’t get a bullet in the back but none of them were remotely close enough to share your emotional struggles that only increased since you were snapped back. 

Maybe except for Jimmy. 

He waits for you to go on but you seem to have finished. This was a good time to bring up what he had in mind that would probably kill two birds with one stone. 

‘The FBI does have ways of traumatizing their own in the most unexpected ways, but we can never really escape from it can we? Every time we put one demon down, more takes its place. I’ve been there,’ he pause, recollecting his own thoughts. ‘Facing these monsters can be scary but - I guess what I’m really trying to say is that you don’t have to do this alone Y/N.’ His heart skips a beat. He has to continue, there was no turning back. 

‘Monica’s going to be away for a while,’ he adds on, ‘Avenger stuff. Probably off-world. And Darcy, well... who knows where she’ll be?’ 

You waited patiently for him to get his point across. 

‘Director Fury knows about this but he wants an extra pair of eyes on the ground to watch Wanda’s movements. I can’t do it alone so I recommended you.’ 

Your brain cell freezes, trying to process the past few minutes. So you were potentially going from investigating drug cartels to assessing an Avenger level threat? And with Jimmy who knows you at the back of his head as your partner? The top of your mouth twitched upwards. 

‘I’m sorry if it was so unexpected. But seeing you like this, I thought you could use an energy booster.’ Jimmy had no idea where was this surging amount of confidence coming from. He imagines Darcy’s voice ringing in his head. Go get her tiger! 

‘Energy booster?’ You played along, teasing him at his choice of words. ‘I’m not sure if potentially being mind controlled by the Scarlet Witch would bring energy to me but I’m grateful.’ 

‘I’m hurt Y/N,’ he places his free hand over his chest in mock horror. ‘Here I was thinking that working with me everyday would bring some light into your life.’ Jimmy abruptly halts his sentence. What the hell were you thinking? 

Suddenly your coffee cup was very interesting to look at. You always had a crush on Jimmy but let’s face it - work romances never end up good. You didn’t want to jeopardize the friendship you had slowly build up with him for what - fifteen years?

A voice inside your head knocks some senses into you. Come on Y/N, he’s been with you through thick and thin! He knows everything about you, hell he even knows how you eat! Life’s not going to wait for anyone. So just take the leap of faith. It’s Jimmy here we’re talking about.

Just as Jimmy was dead sure that you were about to reject his offer, he meets your eyes that is now full of confidence. ‘Well if Director Fury thinks highly of me, I can’t say no right?’

Who cared about controlling one’s facial expressions, Jimmy was the happiest man in the FBI building. Phone beeping in his pocket, he checks the message. ‘Ah shoot, I got to go. SWORD’s demanding another meeting again. But I’ll catch up with you later? Maybe for dinner at the ramen place two blocks down?’ 

You tried not to get ahead of yourself but it was hard not to. ‘Sure, sounds like a plan.’ 

As you see his retreating figure, you couldn’t help but to think that maybe, just maybe, hope was not too far away. 

Finishing the last of your coffee, you threw your cup into the bin. Agent Cortez had just sent you a text as well - it was time to finish your last bit of the job before a whole new beginning. 

Crazy, but at least you had Jimmy. 

A/N: Still trying to work on my endings! HAHAHA~ but I really hope that somehow it brings a little comfort? I think I’m just writing (or trying to at least) comfort stuff to just have an outlet. If you have read up till here, thank you! Wherever you are, stay safe and healthy! If you need to talk, I think my inbox is open? I did set it to receive stuff so feel free! I’ll get back to you as soon as I can if you do! Lots of love~ 

P.S. IS FINALLY FRIDAY AND OCTOBER! Omg I want to join in the fun on Kinktober but 2 problems: 

1. I can’t do the obvious without being cringey (smut writers y’all the MVP) 

2. I only end my placement on the 2nd last week of October so I can’t do it like everyday TT or at least like frequently 

[clumsyclifford]

lashton prompt: luke falling asleep on skype and ashton taking the opportunity to draw him, bonus if someone else finds the sketches before ashton shows them to luke

meghna this prompt is from almost a full calendar year ago. i am proud to report that after all this time i did in fact manage to set it in spideyverse because that’s how determined i am. more info in ao3 notes but it takes place in the summer before their senior year of high school, so after the events of everything else in spideyverse so far

read here on ao3

-

Ashton will have to thank Maya later for the tip about the Fine Arts Room. He jimmies the door handle and, as promised, the door swings opens to reveal a darkened room full of half-finished projects. They must really take the decency of humanity on faith here. Anyone could come in at any time and sabotage any of this work.

Ashton has less nefarious plans.

He sits at his usual spot but doesn’t turn any lights on; the big windows shine just enough moonlight into the room that Ashton can see the silhouettes of the furniture, and his laptop will be on in a moment anyway. Careful of the scattered pages over his workspace, he opens his computer and loads up Skype. 

Just in time for an incoming call.

Ashton fumbles with his headphones and plugs them in with one hand while he accepts the call with the other. The screen fills with Luke’s brightly-lit, highly pixelated face. Chin in his hands, elbows propped on his desk, hair a ruffled mess (from the mask, Ashton knows) — the sight of him fills Ashton with warmth.

“Hey,” Luke says, smiling his usual cheeky smile. They’ve been texting sporadically, but seeing Luke’s face — hearing his voice — gives Ashton a fluttery feeling behind his sternum. Calum would call that anatomically impossible, but he’d do it with a smirk. “I can barely see you.”

“I’m sitting in the dark,” Ashton explains. His voice is a hushed whisper even though he knows it’s absurd to be paranoid. They’re supposed to be confined to their bunks by now, and the staff and counselors will all be asleep. The only reason he and Luke are calling now, past midnight, is because now is the only time they’re both available. “I’m in the Fine Arts Room.”

“Ooh, can I see?”

“I don’t want to turn on the lights,” Ashton says. “There are windows and stuff.”

“Are you not supposed to be there?” Luke raises an eyebrow and grins. “Ooh, is Ashton Irwin sneaking around?”

“Well, if we weren’t calling at the middle of the night, I wouldn’t have to.”

“Don’t they lock the buildings?” Luke suddenly looks concerned.

Ashton shrugs. “Maya told me that if I jiggle the handle, the door will open. She was right.”

“Go Maya,” Luke says. “I like Maya. Who’s Maya?”

“My new friend,” says Ashton. “She mostly paints. We’ve got a challenge going on about whether she’s better at drawing or I’m better at painting, since neither of us really use those mediums. Hannah — one of the other campers — is going to find something for us to both paint slash draw and then there’ll be an unofficial panel of judges. It’s pretty stupid.”

“You’re smiling a lot,” Luke says, and Ashton realizes he is. “Doesn’t sound stupid to me. You think you’re gonna win?”

“No,” Ashton says honestly. “I’m pretty awful at painting.”

“I’m sure you’re better than you think. How hard can it be?”

“That’s very rich coming from you, Mr. I-Can’t-Draw-A-House.”

“Hey, fuck off! I can draw a house, thank you very much.” Luke looks down at his desk and his focus shifts, and Ashton watches in bemused patience. As he waits, he draws a blank piece of paper towards him and grabs the nearest pencil lying around. His hands move almost unconsciously, drawing lines and curves and sketching the outline of something Ashton hasn’t quite decided on yet. Luke finally lifts his head up. “Here, see?” He holds up a piece of paper to the camera, where he’s drawn a box with an isosceles triangle on top for the roof, complete with a little chimney sticking out. “House,” Luke proudly declares. “Boom. Get fucked, Irwin.”

“I stand corrected,” Ashton chuckles. He hums. “They’ll probably just find us equally talented because painting is different from drawing and blah blah blah artsy hipster bullshit.”

“Stop dismissing the artsy hipster bullshit,” Luke says stubbornly. “I’ll have you know my boyfriend deals exclusively in artsy hipster bullshit.”

“You think my drawings are artsy hipster bullshit?”

“No, babe, I think you are artsy hipster bullshit.” Luke grins widely and then gets cut off by a yawn. Ashton bites back a very cheesy comment about how Luke should web himself up for being criminally cute.

“You know what, I’m gonna let you have that one,” he says instead. “Since I am at an artsy hipster bullshit summer camp.”

“I miss you.” Luke pouts. It’s a funny look on him. Ashton tries to imagine Spiderman pouting and completely fails. Sometimes it’s hard for him to reconcile Luke and Spiderman being the same person. That this adorable six-foot-and-change beanstalk who yawns on Skype is the same person who can do a double-backflip and land on his feet on the rooftop of any building. Ashton’s boyfriend stops crimes. What the fuck.

“I miss you too,” he says. “You seem tired.”

“I’m not tired.” Instant karma is a bitch. Luke immediately yawns again, this time much wider. “Okay, I’m a little tired,” he admits, smacking his lips like a child. “Summer break is deceptively boring. I…I run out of things to do all day, so I just kinda…keep patrolling. I might be wearing myself out.”

“Jesus, Luke, take it easy on yourself. Queens goes the entire school day without Spiderman’s protection during the school year. You can handle a break.”

“Yeah, but I might as well patrol,” Luke counters. “I have the time, and it’s not like I’m doing anything else.”

“I thought you and Michael were working on new specs for the suit.”

“It’s mostly Michael. Also, I think he’s kind of annoyed about the whole 24/7 patrol. He can’t work on the suit if I’m wearing it.”

“That is true.”

“But he’s been spending a lot of his time with Calum, anyway,” Luke says coolly. “So I figure he’s probably got other priorities.”

“Well, if you keep blowing him off to obsessively patrol the city, I can’t possibly imagine why he’s making other plans.” 

Luke stares through the camera. His shoulders slump. “Maybe. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Ashton chirps.

Luke sighs deeply. “You’re not here, Ash.”

Ashton purses his lips and frowns. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, but I’m just saying. I miss you. I wish you were here.”

“Yeah,” Ashton says. He misses Luke too, more than is probably healthy. That’s what he gets, he supposes, for only having a handful of close relationships; Luke and Calum are his whole life, and not being able to hug either one of them for even a week has been pretty challenging. “But look, it’s only another week, and then I am all yours, I swear.”

“Don’t enable me,” Luke says, affronted. “You’re supposed to say things like… ‘You don’t own me’ and ‘I’m my own person’ and stuff like that.”

Ashton blinks, confused. “Uh…well, yeah, but we both already know that. I’m just saying I miss you too. But if it’s any consolation, Maya has ruthlessly mocked me for all the drawings I do of you. Like mercilessly. It’s actually kind of embarrassing.”

“That is super embarrassing,” Luke says, with a small, bashful smile. “You’re so fucking lame, Ashton.”

“Wow,” Ashton says. “You even sound like her.”

Luke giggles, which turns seamlessly into a yawn. “Hey, I came first. Maya sounds like me.”

“Luke, babe, just go to sleep,” Ashton says. “We can talk another night. Maybe one where you’re more well-rested.”

“I’m super rested,” Luke says in a monotone. “King of restedness, me.”

“Wow, I’m suddenly convinced.” Luke makes a half-hearted face at him and Ashton makes one back. The sketch under Ashton’s pencil has revealed itself to be Luke, yet again. Shocker. It really is embarrassing that Ashton defaults to drawing his boyfriend. If they ever break up, Ashton will be fucked.

“Are you drawing?” Trust Luke to notice. Although the fact that it’s taken him this long to notice means he must be slower on the uptake than usual. 

“Yeah,” Ashton says, because when is he not. 

“Drawing what?”

“Guess,” Ashton says dryly.

Luke gives a sleepy smile. “At least you’re predictable.”

“Luke, I’m begging you to get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow or this weekend or something, okay?”

Luke yawns yet again. “Okay,” he agrees, right hand propping up his head. His eyes flutter shut and then open again. “Okay, fine.”

“And please let Michael look at your suit,” Ashton adds. “You know he’s only going to make it better.”

“I know, I know, I just…” Luke’s eyes fall shut again. It seems more out of tiredness than distress. “If I give it to him, then I can’t use it.”

Ashton’s pretty sure if Luke’s hero complex gets any bigger he’s going to have to start renting out rooms. “It’ll be two days, tops,” he says. “Take two days off.”

“I wanna wait ‘til you’re back,” Luke mumbles. “Spend ‘em with you.”

“You spend most of your time with me,” Ashton says gently. “Spend them with Michael. Hell, spend them with Cal.”

“But I want…” Luke yawns. He lists sideways a little. “I want you.”

Ashton chews his lip. “I’ll be back before you know it,” he says. “You won’t be able to get rid of me.”

Luke hums absently. “‘Kay, g’night,” he slurs, but makes no gesture to hang up the call. He probably expects Ashton to end it. If Luke is as asleep as he looks right now, Ashton kind of has to.

The graphite on the sketch paper is smudging a little. Ashton glances down at the half-assed likeness of his boyfriend and has an idea.

Quietly, he grabs another blank page, moves his laptop back a little, and starts to draw.

-

They’re up bright and early the next day, and after breakfast Ashton follows a decidedly more lively Maya into the Fine Arts Room, where she takes her place diagonally from him at their table. They’re both mid-project; Ashton stacks and sets aside his scratch papers and pulls forth the drawing he’s currently working on.

“So? You talked to Luke?”

Ashton blinks and looks up at Maya. “Yeah,” he says. “Thanks for the tip, I meant to say.”

“Hey, don’t thank me, thank Cupid,” Maya says airily. “I’m on the side of love, baby.”

Ashton snorts and rolls his eyes. “Let Cupid know I say thanks.”

Maya hums. “Cupid says you’re welcome.”

They’re quiet while Maya gets herself set up — she has to put all her acrylics back every evening only to set them back out every morning, another reason Ashton prefers pencils over paints — and Ashton picks up his pencil and starts to draw. 

“Is this yours?” Maya asks, peering at Ashton’s discarded stack of sketches.

“Yeah,” Ashton says without looking. “Just sketches and stuff.”

“Wait, this is so cute.” She’s leaning over the drawing on the top. Ashton glances up.

It’s Luke from last night, soundly asleep over Skype.

Ashton had ended the call after about ten minutes of silence, enough time to get the rough outlines of all the important shapes. The video quality wouldn’t have lent itself to a good sketch anyway if Ashton had been chasing authenticity, but fortunately he knows Luke’s face well enough — both from drawing it and gazing at it in real life — to pretend the call had had a crystal-clear picture. None of it is colored in, but it’s as obviously Luke as all of Ashton’s other drawings. Somehow, though, this one feels more personal.

“Did you draw this last night?”

“Uh,” Ashton says, reaching for the drawing. He shuffles it between several other papers so an innocuous collection of doodles is now at the top of the stack, and Maya clicks her tongue in disapproval.

“Hey, I was looking at that. It was cute.”

“Yeah, it’s— it’s just nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, it’s adorable,” Maya says. She fixes him with puppy-dog eyes. “Pleeeease can I see it? I won’t show anyone. I’m studying so I can kick your ass in our competition.”

Ashton sighs. “It’s just Luke. You’ve seen millions of drawings of him.”

“But those were obviously from memory,” Maya points out, taking his non-answer as an affirmative and sifting through the stack. Ashton doesn’t bother trying to stop her. It’s not like he has anything to hide — or at least not anything Maya could figure out by looking at the drawing.

And in her defense, Luke does look cute as fuck in the drawing, because he’d looked cute as fuck in real life.

“For all you know, this one is also from memory.”

“You drew the screen, Ash, it’s clearly from last night.”

“Well,” Ashton says diplomatically. Then he abandons diplomacy, because Maya has located the drawing and is grinning and aww-ing. “Well do you blame me? He fell asleep on our call. It was adorable.”

Maya giggles. “You guys are so fucking cute,” she says. “Y’know, most people would be insulted if their boyfriend fell asleep on a video call with them.”

“He’s been really busy lately,” Ashton says. “And it was the end of the call anyway.”

“One day, I will have someone to draw me when I fall asleep on our Skype calls,” Maya says wistfully. “I’m putting the vibes out into the universe so it’ll happen soon.”

“Maybe you’ll be the one drawing them,” Ashton points out. 

Maya finally sets down the Luke drawing. She dips her brush in red paint, clearly intending to put it into her work, but at Ashton’s words instead brandishes it threateningly at him. “I won’t be drawing anyone, buddy.”

Ashton laughs. “But you’d date someone who drew instead of painted?”

“At this point?” Maya sighs theatrically. “I’d date just about anyone who did anything.”

Ashton laughs again. They work quietly for a few minutes. Ashton starts shading.

“Why do you only ever draw Luke?” Maya asks. “You said you’ve been together for less than a year. Who were you drawing before then?”

Ashton shrugs. “Uh, anyone, really,” he says. “People. There are a lot of pretty interesting people at my school, and besides, I’m from the city.”

Maya snorts derisively. “You’re from Queens.”

“Queens is in the city.”

Another derisive snort. “Queens is in the city the same way using ink stamps is painting.”

“That’s not even a little bit the same thing, at all.”

“You’re not a city boy.”

“I am literally a city boy!” Maya waves him off, but Ashton ignores her. She’s from Massachusetts. She has no leg to stand on. “My point is that there are lot of interesting people near where I live, too.”

“You didn’t ever, I don’t know, draw your friends? Calum, didn’t you say he’s your best friend from home?”

“Ah, yeah,” Ashton says. “Calum. Didn’t like when I drew him.”

“What, seriously? Why not?”

“I don’t know,” Ashton says, and it’s true. “He just asked me to stop drawing him one day so I did.” He hesitates. “...Mostly. Sometimes I still do. But if you knew Calum you’d understand why. He’s extremely good-looking.”

“Of course he is,” Maya says. “Any chance he’s single and/or interested in women from several states away?”

“No to both questions,” Ashton says sympathetically. “But good try.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Maya says good-naturedly, and they lapse into silence again.

It’s broken by Maya, again. “Do you show Luke the drawings you do of him?”

That’s a complicated question. No, Ashton doesn’t actively show his drawings to Luke, but Luke usually sees them anyway. Some of them are more private; Ashton keeps the one of Luke in the Spiderman suit sans mask folded up in the bottom of his socks drawer where he’s pretty certain no one ever looks. There doesn’t seem to be a point to showing it to Luke now, so long after he’d actually done it. But for the most part he’s not hiding his art from Luke; Luke sees what he sees, notwithstanding Ashton’s intention.

“Sometimes,” Ashton says.

Maya nods at the drawing of Luke asleep on Skype. “You gonna show him that one?”

“Uh, probably not.”

“What, why? It’s so cute.”

“I don’t know, maybe because it makes me seem like a ridiculous lovesick borderline creepy idiot?”

“Guys love that,” Maya assures him. “Or so I’m told. C’mon, why hold out on him when he already knows you’re basically obsessed with drawing him?” She taps the drawing. “And when he looks this adorable?”

Ashton breathes a laugh. “You have a point.”

“I always do,” Maya says, and she flips her hair dramatically.

Maybe Michael would let Ashton draw him. That would be a nice change from always drawing Luke and never drawing Calum. Maybe Ashton could just do it and then ask Michael what he thinks. It would be nice to have new muses. Ashton has spent a lot of time on Luke; maybe it’s about time he branched out again.

“Hey,” Ashton says, struck with inspiration as he watches Maya make brushstrokes across her paper. “Can I draw you?”

“Hell yeah, go for it,” Maya says. “I’m not sitting still for you, though.”

“I’ll live,” Ashton says dryly. Maya grins and laughs. A fresh page before Ashton and a new pencil in his hand, he studies Maya’s profile carefully and then brings his pencil to the page.

-

“Did you break into the Fine Arts Room again?”

“I don’t think it’s breaking in if it’s technically unlocked,” Ashton points out.

Luke squints but evidently fails to argue with this logic. “How’s artsy hipster bullshit camp?”

“Really good,” Ashton says, cracking his knuckles. His parents have told him repeatedly that doing so will give him arthritis, but Ashton suspects that’s more of a scare tactic than a fact. At this point he doubts even rehab could get him to stop. It’s the only thing Ashton can think to do with his hands when he’s not drawing. “By the way, remember the other day when you fell asleep on our call?”

I fell asleep at the end of our call,” Luke corrects him. “We were done talking.”

“Okay, weirdo,” Ashton says, shaking his head. “Well, anyway, Maya convinced me that I should show you this because maybe you’d think it was cute, or something.” He holds up the drawing of Luke.

Luke leans closer to the camera. Anyone else might have trouble discerning what’s on the page given how dim it is around Ashton, but not Luke. Luke has super-senses. His visual acuity is, like, a thousand. (Rough estimate.)

So when Luke’s face splits into a grin, Ashton knows he’s seen exactly what’s there. “Oh my fucking God, you sap,” he says. “I thought you just hung up straightaway.” 

“Nope,” Ashton says. “I’m just saving moments. One day I’ll have enough for a flip book.”

Luke’s expression goes all mushy and heart-eyed. “You’re unbelievable,” he says, fond and endeared. “I can’t believe you’re not bored of my dumb face yet.”

“Are you kidding? Have you seen your dumb face?” Ashton laughs. “It’s impossible to be bored of it.”

“Ashton,” Luke says, his eyes crinkling so much that the blue all but disappears. “I love you.”

And everything makes sense.

“I love you too,” Ashton says, struck by the realization that he does. The drawings, the midnight Skype calls, the death-defying trips around the city with only his faith in Luke to keep them afloat, the fluttery feeling — all of the colors lock into place, and Ashton can see the rainbow clear as day in front of him. He’s never been in love; of course he couldn’t tell. But there’s nothing else it could be.

“Oh, good,” Luke says timidly. “I was a little worried you wouldn’t say it back.”

Ashton glances from the drawing in his hand to the look on Luke’s face on the screen, and he cracks a crooked smile. “Then you, superhero, have not been paying attention.”

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

i mean i only had three weeks to get it done so naturally i’m finishing it three days before the next ep airs, would you expect anything less?

Ok we start off hot with a subtly jealous Nick scene and I love it. Ellie is like stunned that such a thing even exists “a covid crush” because lets be honest, she probably has no eyes for anyone else at this point - even if it’s been a YEAR (well 10ish months) a whole ass YEAR since the jail cell scene and can I just tell you I am mad about that. Why they do us dirty and skip a whole dang year?? Why can’t we quick flash forward every couple of months?? I mean I know it has felt like an entire year has gone by in a week, RIP 2020 no one will miss you, but like I wanted to see it 😩 and I better get at least some kind of explanation for whatever the F has gone down between these two from “well what are we gonna to about that as we stand 5 inches apart” to now. I demand this explanation. 

Anyways, back on track here - Nick is jealllllllous BUT different kind of jealous for this man because for once he’s not all dark and broody about it. He’s over here willingly, *willingly* bringing up said jealousy aaaand he’s smiling about it (!!!) because despite them still not being together (where’s the Gibbs’ headslap when you actually need it amiright) he’s not worried about this crush. He knows her feelings and his so it’s like yeah I’m a little jealous but also I’m gooood, I got this one in the bag 😏 (also can I just say I need Ellie to show him he does not in fact ‘have this in the bag’ if he’s gonna act like a little shit and push her away). 

This whole thing about babysitting and not wanting to take care of other living beings is very very very interesting considering they both loved taking care of Charlie (Cody, I blame this on pregnancy brain thank you @thekeyboardninja) in the end AND EVEN TALKED ABOUT PARENTING EVENTUALLY. So like, where did we backtrack??? Excuse me who allowed you to do such things. I’m feeling like they likely backtracked (this was s16 after all) because once again, the dust settled after their super close vulnerable moment and they went and hid behind those stupid walls they both have and somehow convinced themselves that being alone was better for them. IT’S A LIE YALL IT’S A LIE. You being together and taking care of each other is exactly what you need and it’ll be perfect and amazing and just DO IT ALREADY 😭

The team moment with Jimmy is so 🥺 and throughout the episode. I’m not going to touch on that stuff much because this is ellick focused but also because I truly do not need to sob again (even if I called Breena dying from covid like months ago and knew exactly what was coming with all of it but you know, I still cry, it’s fine, I’m fine). 

Ellie knowing Gibbs uses a weighted blanket and Nick doubting her is just comical to me 😂 mini side note before we get into how they have a thiiiiiing and it’s called always getting dibs on the elevator in tandem for months and McGee HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL. These two are so in sync even if they are still spectacularly failing at talking this out & taking that next step. Also months of Gibbs riding down the elevator with just those two…….the third wheeling must be slowly killing the old dude, give him a break you two. 

Tell me why these two have the exact same stance in the bullpen- could you be more obvious?? You rubbing off on each other. And then the walking up to the barbershop scene I caaaan’t. Ellie is SO flirty. Like so flirty. Who is this new Ellie and why do I love her so much. But Nick gives it right back too and her little giggle with shoulder shrug is just perfect. She’s fiiiiinally letting herself *feel* more and let it be out in the open and it’s just so great. I love seeing this character development for her 🥺 walls coming down, being more forward with her flirting and feelings and it’s all I’ve ever needed. Also we’re gonna take a small detour into Nick’s pants I mean the notebook he casually stashes in the front of his jeans like it doesn��t make a person look RIGHT. THERE. Don’t ask me why it’s hot, I don’t know the answers to the universe, it just is. We knoooooow Ellie is loving it’s location there, she wouldn’t mind flirtatiously taking it out at the next stop to “check” where they needed to go. You know, just helping a partner out- don’t worry Nick she’s got it handled 😏😏🔥🔥 Ok back from our detour, when Nick asks if she’s got him and she answers so quickly and almost with the undercurrent of “of course I do how is that even a question I’ll protect you until the day I die” (yes this is what she says), I love. 

Ok since when does Nick like puzzles and how does Ellie know this??? He was most certainly NOT a puzzle kind of guy when he first joined the team so are you telling me that maybe Ellie and her nerdiness (come on there’s no way she doesn’t love puzzles) got Nick into puzzles??? Also also also does everyone remember that time in covid lockdown where literally everyone and their mother did five thousand puzzles because we couldn’t leave our houses? Soooooo is this a nod to Ellie & Nick spending some time together doing puzzles (at presumably Ellie’s apartment because she’d be the one to have said puzzles) and turns out Nick loves them even more than she did???? Is this what you’re making me read in between the lines NCIS? Because I am most certainly ok with this. 

Ooooooooh-kay this 8pm thing for Nick. SO many possibilities. It’s been confirmed it wasn’t Ellie (which I won’t lie was my immediate wish) via Steven Binder on twitter (which I also won’t lie, my angst heart loves it’s something else). My take is it’s something (not another girl though) personal- I would *love* if it was therapy or some type of personal development thing. I think he realizes over the past year he has involuntarily retreated emotionally from Ellie even if outwardly it doesn’t show (no personal space and continued flirting). I think he *knows* he’s doing it emotionally and yet can’t figure out how to stop himself from doing it- like on the outside of his body watching him make a dumb mistake but unable to change a damn thing. SO I feel like whatever this 8pm thing is will play into that. It’ll somehow be related to Nick diving deeper into himself and trying to get more in touch with the parts of himself he loves to ignore/hide/push down. That could be therapy, a self-help class, getting in touch with family (but I don’t think he would feel the need to get secretive about this. i mean he already brought up Lucia to this dude, why would he all of a sudden be ashamed of a dinner/meeting with his mom or dad or something? i just don’t buy that). But anyways back to the point- it’s something Nick feels the need to hide in shame because that’s how he’s been conditioned as an undercover agent who feels the need to be tough and strong for everyone and being vulnerable is WAY too scary (helloooooo enneagram 8 nice to meet you I’m also an enneagram 8 Nick isn’t it fun). 

I don’t know why them talking so casually on the phone, while Nick is getting ready for the day no less is so damn pleasing to me. The simple domesticity of it all because it’s totally something one would do with their spouse is just 🥰🥰 And then their little freaking smiles can THEY NOT. Ellie you like glazed donuts?? Is this some kind of hint? Innuendo? Just a glaringly obvious chance to flirt and you don’t give a rat’s ass you’re in the middle of the bullpen with Gibbs’ listening to your conversation so you’ll take that chance anyways because you’re head over heels for this guy? Either way Nick’s little smirk oof. I think he takes it as all three of those things and he’s *perfectly* ok with it. UNTIL until, there’s always an until with you Nicholas god damn. Ellie nervously asking about NIck’s apartment 🥺 she may be head over heels but she’s still a little shy and unsure. She thought that jail cell moment would break things through for them and yet she’s- not to quote Taylor swift or anything because why on earth would I do that- right where you left her. WHY NICHOLAS WHY. Since we know Ellie has seen and is very familiar with the inner workings of Nick’s apartment come 16x10, I presume he moved, and it sounds like recently. From the looks of this new place it’s niiiiice. For someone who doesn’t like a lot of things (see s14 when he joins team I don’t remember the exact ep sorry) - he sure managed to settle into that apartment quite nicely. It’s furnished well, it’s homey for DC. And if he’s moved into it since after the jail cell, letting Ellie in is likely a big step in his eyes. But we know this has got to be a weird shift for Ellie. Seemingly so comfortable in each others’ spaces and now she hasn’t even been invited over?? Yeah you smell something fishy girl just like I do. Even if Nick has a cute ass smirk at the end of his little charade to hang up the phone. Wipe that smirk off your face sir you owe us I mean Ellie an explanation and a visit to your apartment. SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR HOUSEGUEST. SHE WANTS TO BE IN YOUR HOUSE. SHE WANTS TO BE IN YOUR PANTS WHILE IN THAT HOUSE. JUST LET HER ALREADY. Ok I’m done, moving on. 

Ok the guys opening the doors dramatically to let the one (1) woman on the team make a super badASS entrance is just 🔥🔥🔥 yes love it. 

Excuse me why does Ellie feel the need to completely turn her body from the rest of the team/bullpen to be 100% faced on Nick. Body language don’t lie bitch I see you. And Nick stealing a glance at Ellie before having to answer McGee’s question about roommates…..interesting, very interesting sir. You thinking about how she’s going to react to some rando being in your apartment AND staying the night before she has?? You thinking about making her a permanent roommate?? But of course he turns to quick humor for a hot sec because this is Nick and then shockingly, like actually shockingly (is this that personal development, soul-searching, deep dive into emotional wonderland rubbing off on him??? Is it working is this foreshadowing???) he goes and gets deep on ‘em. And McGee calls him on it and I love it, I really think this is some foreshadowing here. I think we’re seeing some of the work Nick is doing on himself, getting himself ready for as serious as a relationship as he knows it’ll be with Ellie, paying off. He’s thinking about ~*emotional*~ consequences to actions and OOF yes. The growth, I live for the fucking growth. “It’s not easy to get through the tough transitions on your own” you say as you literally tried to do that for actual YEARS until you met this team. Until you met Ellie. Until you realized that emotional fallout was a real thing and you my friend are a terrible victim to it. Because guess what- exhibit A is right here about to ask you to dinner and you gonna turn her down. You quite literally tried to get through a tough transition (re: Ellie’s kidnapping & the two bombs) by yourself. That dust settled and you immediately emotionally retreated, not physically- emotionally. You went back to what you always knew, the lone wolf on your own, endure the tough transition. And yes you’ve been doing some work on yourself, but now- now you realize it. You can’t do work on yourself alone. You can’t go through this shit alone. You need your support system- your person. But that thought truly terrifies you. You’ve realized it but are you ready to act on it? Not quite yet. You might be close, but you still can’t bring yourself to be honest with her yet. When Ellie nervously asks Nick if he wants to grab a bite you can feel her start to (it’s probably been there quite a while but she’s tried to ignore the feeling of him emotionally shutting her out and pushing her away but the houseguest thing brought it back full force) really worry about where they stood. She won’t completely admit it to herself because she knows what was said in the jail cell wasn’t a lie or a dramatization for either of them, but that worry that’s been creeping in like a vine is taking hold. Nick saying “there’s something I need to take care of” hmmmmm I feel like this is SO vague. And probably purposely done so by the writers but I just - if it was solely him bringing the dude back to his daughter’s why wouldn’t he just tell Ellie that? What would be the harm in her knowing this? She’s aware you’ve bonded so why would he not just say that? I feel like there was definitely something else he thought he would go do after it. With all the talk of tough transitions and then his obviously pre-made plans to drop this guy off, I just feel like there was some other task he had planned before McGee called him. And him discussing the reset button (I’ll get to this) just kind of solidifies that for me. He’d been doing a LOT of reflection that day and he had something more major planned, I just wish I knew what 😩 Ok back to Ellie’s response, she’s honestly shocked and a little confused at his ominously vague answer. And I’d wager a tiny bit of hurt is in that expression too. All those vines of worry taking hold? Yeah, that’s why. They even just tightened and made her speechless for a second. The emotional withdrawal she feared was being confirmed in front of her very eyes. Because (at least on our screens) the last time Nick turned down a bite to eat with her? Oh yeah, he was dating fucking Elena. (Once again, I don’t think he’s got another girl but y’all this is the parallel Ellie could easily draw seeing as it was only a few months ago, supposedly.) And he even looks almost guilty about turning her down, like he knows it’s probably hurting her (and their relationship) but he can’t help it. He hates that he’s doing it and the words coming from his mouth (good lord it’s like the end of 17x07 with overprotective/you’re like a sister to me all over again) but he can’t stop it. And then my heart breaks for Ellie when she tries to put on a brave, strong face that claims she isn’t bothered by his rejection yet we all knoooooow 😭😭😭 He gives her a small little “night” and she’s just standing there wondering where the hell she went wrong with this, how she read them all wrong. 

Ahhhhh the glorious reset button, ya love to see it. When he claims he has the opposite problem you can see his faraway look in his eye. You know *exactly* what, or better yet who, he’s thinking about in that moment. He knows he has to stop avoiding his emotional growth with Ellie. He knows he has to stop hitting the reset button the second things between them get real. And I think he’s known this for a while now but is finally, finally coming to grips with taking real steps forward. Taking steps to embrace the vulnerability he’s terrified of. Finally putting that reset button away 🥺

Ellie knowing Nick has one tie is just another swoon moment. Yes I could get dirty with that (see my tags on previous gifsets for proof) but like, also this is so real of them? They know so damn much about each other it’s insane. She may not have even been in his apartment yet but she knows he owns one tie. Like- come on. Nick you think you’re emotionally distant from this woman but my god it’s the opposite. You two are so intertwined you don’t even realize it as you chuckle and try once again to avoid thinking about that reset button. And then Jimmy goes and reads that letter and I sob. Yes I sobbed. Like I said not getting into this part because my pregnancy hormones can’t handle this (I’m barely rewatching this part with audio ok). But Jimmy’s words voiced over a shot of ellick…take my heart why don’t you. “To hear a laugh, and know that your life would change for ever” like come ON. First, Jimmy you slay me and second, all I can picture is Ellie chuckling with Nick in the bullpen showing him the clicker settings and Nick loving it. Nick your life would be changed forever in that moment I hope you knew. Ellie, pulling her arm around Nick’s for strength, support, I just-. Despite the turmoil she’s been going through, the doubts and the worry that’s crept in- she still feels it. She still feels love for this man and knows her life was changed forever when she met him. No matter how long she tried to deny it, she knows. And that little piece of her that desperately clings to Nick getting his head out of his ass and opening up emotionally to her, that piece decides to break that sliver of personal space and lean on him for support. She needs to touch him- the man who she can’t picture losing like Jimmy lost Breena. She needs to feel him still there, even if he hasn’t completely realized his life changed forever because of her- she has. Gripping his arm for the comfort it gives in knowing he’s still by her side, his hand brushing hers as an involuntary “I’ve got you” (even a reset button pusher like Nick can’t help his reflexes). The gravity of the fragility of life weighing heavily on them both, they hold each other. They’ve got each other. And good god is that poetry we just need them to actually fucking TALK ABOUT IT 😩😭

I don’t know if I even have side notes but I do appreciate NCIS paying homage to the utter grief this pandemic has been. Jimmy being the one to lose a loved one was quite honestly the perfect scenario to me. It shows just how cruel this pandemic has been, ripping even the most optimistic, happy people down to their knees in grief. It’s something that shouldn’t be glossed over and I do hope they continue to have this arc of struggling with grief throughout the season. I think it is so relatable and refreshing to see played out legitimately on the screen. I don’t want happy, go-lucky stale content. I want something real and something tangible. Yes I love my mindless entertainment, but it’s also nice to see *real* drama on a TV drama. At least, that’s my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d apologize but isn’t that why you’re reading this to begin with? 😘😘

[square-blunt]

You're in my heart, in my heart, in my head.

chapter two fucking finally. take it. fucking take it.

TW- MCD (major character death), suicide, like the fic ends in suicide and it's not good. Angst. there is so much angst-

WC: 2034 Ao3: :) First chapter: :)

Jimmy didn’t tear his eyes away from Scott once.

After they got ripped apart, all the neurons in his body were screaming at him to stop struggling and to go limp- he could feel the muscle in his back ripping apart but he had to. He didn’t feel the physical pain. But his heart was hammering so hard and he was screaming much louder than he thought was possible- screaming to Scott, praying and hoping that he could hear him over Joey- and maybe he did.

Because Scott never stopped looking at him.

And then, Scott smiled at him.

It was sweet, and weak, and it was tired. It should have been full of life, but instead- Scott used all his energy to give Jimmy that smile. It was sickeningly comforting- Scott, who was about to be sacrificed, about to have a knife through his heart- was comforting him, and Jimmy couldn’t sob any louder. He knows his screams and sobs and pleas won’t do anything to stop the inevitable. But with a sound that Jimmy will never be able to get out of his head, the inevitable comes to fruition. As the knife falls, Jimmy does too. The hooks that held onto his back retract and Jimmy crashes to the ground, rocks cutting into his hands. Part of him is grateful that he fell when he did. Whatever higher power was looking out for him must not have wanted him to see the knife going into Scott’s chest.

But that doesn’t mean he can’t imagine it.

As soon as he hits the ground he looks back up, just in time for Joey and Xornoth to disappear into smoke, and for the obsidian altar to crumble into dust- and Scott's body to roll off. Jimmy catches sight of Scott's limp hand and he turns away, holding his side, trying not to throw up.

He focuses on that.

Trying to keep the contents of his stomach down, swallowing thickly, he focuses on the burn of his head, his throat, and his heart.

His heart hurts.

It hurts more than any weapon could ever come close to inflicting.

After looking at Scott for so long, promising himself that he'd never look away, it's funny that now he physically can't bear to look up.

It's because Scott was alive then.

And now he, and possibly everyone else, is dead.

But he can't stop himself from crawling, very painfully, over to Scott. Only then does he notice how much blood there is. His, Scott's, it doesn’t matter- or it did.

Because Scott's blood should have stayed in his body.

Why didn't Jimmy speak up?

Xornoth had told Jimmy everything.

Their plan, why they were doing it- how they knew it was going to work.

They told Jimmy about a past life- a past three lives to be exact. And Jimmy remembered. It was like Xornoth had a key that finally gave Jimmy what he knew he was missing. And of course, he had fallen in love with Scott.

Of course, it was Scott.

Of course, it was Scott who came to his rescue. Everything else was a blur, of pain and hurt, but the kiss. Jimmy knew he had to. He had to let Scott know that he knew- that he remembered.

It was worth every second.

And even now he can feel the phantom of Scott's lips on his own, Scott's hair between his fingers, he can feel it more than the dull throbbing of his heart and his back. Physical pain couldn't reach him, his mind was already too busy imploding on itself to register anything else.

He feels the phantom of Scott's warm hand in his own.

He reaches out and takes his cold, real hand again.

Jimmy brushes away the dust and the blood, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles, and he stops at the ring finger. There's a simple silver band.

Jimmy spawned into Empires with a matching gold ring.

Only now does he know why.

He gently slips the ring off Scott's finger. He knows he shouldn't, but if it's all he can have of Scott- he's gonna take whatever he can get.

He moves up, noticing the detail on the sleeve of Scott's shirt. He wasn't wearing anything fancy, but he was still the most beautiful living thing Jimmy had ever seen. Scott had been wearing a sky blue t-shirt and brown pants- one could die in a more regal manner, but Scott still looked more amazing than any star in the night, any bird in the air… any flower in the field.

"It felt right," Jimmy says, voice unrecognizable even to himself. It only makes him cry more. Scott was his everything- Scott completed him. And Jimmy doesn't know who he is without Scott. He knew he was one half of a whole but didn’t know whose half, and now he has to live as a half without his other.

His communicator buzzes.

He doesn't care.

It's probably a death message.

He hopes Xornoth won't torture his family the way they did his lover.

He knows they probably did.

It buzzes again.

He grips Scott's hand tighter, maybe if he squeezes hard enough, it'll squeeze back.

Please, please, squeeze back.

Jimmy takes a deep breath.

At least Scott's eyes are closed.

His communicator buzzes again.

He still doesn't care.

He thought he'd be more distraught.

Looking down at Scott, his perfect, sleeping face, he thought he’d be screaming at the skies, clawing at his heart- trying to scratch the pain away, but he’s not. He should be mad, he should be trying to find Joey, at least, and hurt him as much as he had been hurt, but he’s not. He should have tried to swap back, but he knew his life wasn’t the end goal. He should be crying, letting the tears wash away all of the dust and dirt and blood but he’s not. He’s not doing any of it.

His communicator buzzes.

He’s holding Scott’s hand.

He’s holding Scott’s face.

He’s kissing his forehead.

He’s smoothing out his hair.

His communicator buzzes.

He notices Scott’s necklace, and that’s when he cries.

It’s a gold poppy flower- crudely made, rushed, unpolished, it was something Jimmy made. Jimmy himself was crudely made, rushed, and unpolished, so it makes sense that anything he made would be too.

His communicator buzzes.

He had given it to Scott a few hours before they arrived on the battlefield and Scott spent the next minutes staring at it while Jimmy got some things together.

Jimmy spent those minutes staring at him.

And then he died and lost everything.

Scott’s his everything.

And he’s lost it again.

His communicator buzzes.

He cradles Scott's head in his lap, staring down into his face.

He closes his eyes.

The ground under him changes. Rocks stop digging into his knees, and instead, there's soft wool. The smell of dirt and blood is replaced with clean linen and firewood.

What's worse, he can't feel Scott in his hands anymore.

Jimmy's eyes snap open.

His communicator buzzes one last time.

He's kneeling on cyan and yellow carpet, this must be somewhere in Rivendell. But it feels suffocating. It feels wrong.

Jimmy looks up and sees why.

Outside the windows the sky is red- this really is the end of the world. But the elephant in the room is that Xornoth is standing right in front of him. One of the last living things on this planet. Jimmy doesn't give them the victory of meeting their gaze.

"Codfather, Solidarity, sweet swamp boy- you hold many titles, don't you, Jimmy?" Xornoth says, manic glee in their voice. It makes Jimmy want to throw up.

"Just kill me. Please." Jimmy whispers, pain raw in his voice.

"No. I won't kill you, and you can blame your beloved Scott. The whole "can’t hurt you" condition in his heroic sacrifice doesn't feel heroic now, does it?" Xornoth looms over him, a shit-eating sneer of terrifying joy on their face. “Besides, why would I kill you? You were the key to the lock, the final piece to the puzzle, the gear that made this entire plan work- I should be thanking you. None of this could have happened if you weren’t there. He would still be alive if it weren’t for you- they all are dead because of you. Thank you, Jimmy. You seem to be often thanked for causing things that you stand against in the end. But that’s the way of life, is it not? People taking advantage of you for one reason or another, and then rubbing it in your face when they use you to get what they want. But don’t worry, no one will ever be able to use you again. Isn’t that what you wanted? You were pushed around by everyone, and now both you and I are free.”

“I’m nothing like you,” Jimmy says, maybe if he pisses them off enough they’ll just kill him anyway.

“No, you’re not. I am powerful, you are pitiful. I am armageddon, you are a disappointment. If death is theater, then I am Shakespeare, and you are a prop, a pawn. You were meant as something to be used. I was trying to offer a hand because as much as you hate yourself for it, you were the only reason why this plan worked. But if you insist on continuing to pretend that you have even a sliver of honor left then I will leave you to rot. But I promised not to lay a hand on you. In hindsight, not being able to kill you might have actually been a bad thing. See my plan was, Jimmy, I was going to kill you after all this, but your death would be instant and painless, but it seems that Scott has fucked something else over for everyone else. I was going to show you mercy, I wouldn’t torture you with a long and painful death or make you watch as- well, I guess I already did that, huh.” And they laughed . They laughed and laughed like it was the funniest thing in the crumbling world. They laughed at Jimmy, at his pain, it echoed off the walls of the dying church, sucking the last good out of the air to fuel the hysteric voice of insane victory.

Jimmy’s hope was flooding out with it.

Xornoth snaps their fingers, still laughing, and the world around Jimmy changes again, soft carpet to hardwood floors, still air to blistering wind- he's in his alliance tower.

He takes the heads down without looking at them, he can't bear to look.

He goes straight down the tower without looking.

It's a good thing he didn't.

He would have seen the bodies of everyone- ally and enemy- swinging from the rafters.

At the bottom of the ladder, he finds a rope of his own.

He doesn't even question it.

He silently finds a nearby tree and gets to work.

The Empire is deathly quiet- even the wind has died out.

He feels eyes. They're watching him. It feels familiar- watching a final soul end it all after everyone he knows is long gone.

He finishes the knot, throws the other end up and over the tree to tie it off.

He decides to build his own gallows as well.

Three blocks should be tall enough.

He puts the noose over his head like a medal- a winner's medal. That's what he was.

He won.

He takes the step.

And he's back in Scott's arms.

Finally.

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

The Jimmy Jab Games

Chapter 1: The Eating Challenge

~The Jimmy Jab Games Master~

Paring: Sirius Black x Reader

Word Count: 3.3K

~Master~

There was a skip in your step as you hopped down the stairs to the common room to see your friends sat around the couch and chairs. “Okay boys. Raise of hands. Who’s bored?” Sirius quirked his brow as you plopped on the couch next to him, looking between him, Remus, Peter, and James.

“It’s past curfew.” James pointed out, sighing into his seat before furrowing his brows. “Wait. Why do you ask?” James knew by the look on your face that you had something planned whether the boys were bored or not. Not that they minded really, anything you had planned was automatically fun.

You let a smile cross your face, making you look more conniving than you’d want. “The Jimmy Jab Games.”

Everyone looked at you waiting for some sort of elaboration on your idea. Sirius sighed and shook his head with a fond smile. “Alright, I’ll bite. What’s this... Jibby Jams... Ja-Jabs?” He muttered while his brows furrowing on his confusion.

You nudged his shoulder, chuckling under your breath. “Jimmy Jab.” You corrected him.

“That didn’t clear anything up, Y/N.”

“Shush, Siri. I’m getting there.” He rolled just eyes, throwing his arm on the couch behind you. “The Jimmy Jab Games are basically a collection of challenges we play and compete to win. In the end there’s one person left who’s crowned the winner.” The boys seem sort of interested in the idea, the four of them eyeing each other as if they were trying to come to an agreement. You raised a brow, looking between James, Peter, and Remus but unable to grasp what they were saying. You groaned, turning in your seat to look at Sirius. “Pads, please! It’ll be fun, just trust me! Please?!”

“Alright! Alright!” he yelled over you, getting you to squeal in delight.

“What is happening here?” Lily laughed as she and Marlene joined the group. Marlene sat down next to you, offering smiles to everyone as Lily fell into her boyfriend’s lap.

“It’s on.” You told her as she straightened in her seat, looking directly at you.

“It’s on?” You nodded and both girls became excited. James questioned their actions, unknown to the fact that you had already filled the girls in earlier.

“They’re playing, too. Well, Lily’s playing, Marls offered to be the referee to keep the number even.” Marlene nodded, excited for the event. “Ok. Since we’re all playing-“ James put a finger up, about to object to agreeing to play before you shot him a look and Lily smacked his arm. “We’re all playing,” you repeated, and James relented, wrapping his arms around Lily’s waist. “Marlene did us the honors of coming up with the challenges.” You turned to Sirius seeing him smirk at you. “I knew you’d say yes, Siri. Anyways, like I said, at the end of each challenge someone is eliminated until there’s one person left.”

“What do you get if you win a challenge?” Remus butted in.

You paused, clicking your tongue. “Bragging rights?” You asked as a few grunts of displeasure made their way around the group. You waved your hands in the air. “That’s not the point. The point is at the end there’s one winner!”

“And what do they get if they win?” Sirius grinned at you, leaning forward onto his knees to look at you. You cocked your head, looking towards Lily and Marlene for help. They furrowed their brows, realizing none of you discussed a prize for winning. “You didn’t come up with a reward?”

“Don’t give me that tone.” You told Sirius, a smirk playing on your lips as Sirius surrendered with a chuckle. “Fine. Um… winner… gets pampered for a week by the losers?” You offered. Every took a minute to considered the pros and cons in their heads, ultimately nodding in agreement. You clapped your hands. “Great! That settles it! Marlene, the first challenge?”

Marlene cleared her throat, making a huge debacle as she moved to stand in front of everyone. You leaned back on the couch, Sirius leaning back as well and throwing an arm over your shoulder. You snickered, but didn’t make him move it, giving Marlene your attention. Sirius couldn’t help but smile as you very gently molded into his side.

“Alright! After great thinking and listening to Y/N give idea after idea when this was supposed to a secret to her as well,” She sent you a playful grin as you shrunk in on yourself, feeling Sirius squeeze your shoulder. “I’ve decided the first challenge be an Eating Challenge!” Your friends and you cheered, excited for the start of the Jimmy Jab Games. “First thing’s first!” Marlene calmed you all down as the very few students around the room rolled their eyes at your friends and your typical giddiness. “We need to get food from the kitchens.”

“Ah. Perhaps that’s where I come in?” James spoke up. Your eyes widened in realization when you realized James’ Invisibility cloak could be used to get food from the kitchen without getting caught.

“Perfect! Prongs, can you and Pads go get the food we nee-“

“Why don’t you go, Y/N.” Lily interrupted you, momentarily confusing you. She beamed at you, grabbing a hold of James’ hand. “I just had something to talk to James about and I didn’t want to put a damper on the challenge. So why don’t you go with Sirius?”

You turned to Sirius and both of you shrugged, seeing nothing wrong with the two of you getting the food. While James went upstairs to grab the cloak, Marlene told you to grab as much disgusting foods as you could find. She patted your shoulder as James returned and gave you a small push towards Sirius. You stuck your tongue out at her before your friends hid you and Sirius from the rest of the common room and let you duck under the cloak. Your back pressed up against Sirius’ when you straightened yourself out, his hand coming around your waist much like it had the many other times you’d borrowed the cloak. You stayed quiet as you left the thinning common room, walking down the stark halls of Hogwarts.

Sirius’ eyes moved off the path in front of him onto you as he exhaled humorously. “Ready to pamper me for a week, Y/L/N?” he mumbled into your ear, earning a gasp of surprise from what you thought was just the fright of being caught off guard. You peaked over your shoulder, feeling his grip adjust around you as you caught sight of his smug face.

��Are you mad? If anything, you’ll be treating me like a queen when this is all over.”

“And how is that different than how you act now?” He cocked, hearing you jokingly scoff.

“Well, when I win you can’t complain about it.” You told him, seeing his face falter slightly before the Sirius you knew was back.

“Care to wager then?” He asked. You raised a brow, interested in his suggestion as you beckoned for him to continue. “If you win, I won’t complain about doing things for you for a month.”

Your jaw dropped open. “But Siri, that’s half your personality! Who will you be if not against serving me whenever I call?” He snickered under his breath, knowing you were teasing him as you bit your lip. “And what will you get if you win?”

“When I win-“

“If.”

“When I win, you have to buy Butterbeers for me for the next month.” You took a minute to think over the bet. There was no real downside to losing, sure you’d have to buy Sirius his drinks for the next months, but that was only if you lost. All you’d have to do is not lose.

“Deal.” You whispered, sticking your hand behind you for Sirius to shake. He took it happily, shaking your hand before the sound of Filch coming around the corner caused you both to freeze. You knew you were invisible, but you didn’t want to make a noise just in case. Sirius pulled you closer to him, both of you pressing yourselves against the walls for the man to walked down the corridor without risk of running into you. You held your breath as he got closure, feeling Sirius hide in small laugh in your hair as you grabbed onto his hand.

No matter how many times you snuck out with your boys, you were always petrified when Filch showed up.

You waited a couple minutes after Filch was gone before you pulled away from Sirius, his hand releasing yours as your cheeks heated up. “Come on. The others are probably waiting.” You whispered, turning to look at Sirius.

“Good idea, love.” Despite being covered with the cloak, the moonlight streaming in through the window fell on his face, only calling attention to the happy, almost embarrassed look on his face as he nodded, letting you lead the way to the kitchen and back with Sirius’ arm wrapped around your waist again.

You threw the cape off the moment you entered the common room and saw it was just your friends, pulling Sirius to sit on the couch with you as you uncovered the food. You tossed an apologetic smile towards Marlene as 7 mini tarts you and Sirius managed to sneak sat on the tray.

“They didn’t really have any disgusting foods, mostly just leftovers from dessert.” She shrugged, picking up a treacle tart. She bit into it and everyone started to grab for the tarts and you were about to as well before Sirius grabbed one for you, a custard tart rather than a treacle tart because he knew you loved them more.

He sent you a wink before you all settled into your places on the floor around the small table in front of you with Marlene off to the side. “So, whoever eats theirs first wins? Doesn’t seem much like a challenge.” Peter asked as you all looked over to him. He was right, eating just one singular tart was nothing. You pulled out your wand, flicking it at the tart as you concentrated.

“Geminio!” You shouted as the mini tart in front of you doubled. You bit your lip as Sirius took his wand out and copied you, your friends following right along until you each had 30 tarts.

Marlene shook her head at you all. “Oh alright. Whoever eats all their tarts first wins. Ready?” She asked and everyone nodded. Sirius shot you a cheesy grin as you rolled your eyes, shooting one back. “Go!” Everyone picked up their first tart and bit into it. Almost as fast as you all started eating you stopped.

“What the hell?” You mumbled, spitting out the now bitten into Tart. Sirius, Lily, James, and Remus had reacted much like you and discarded tarts were tossed back onto the table. “Marlene! I thought you liked yours!”

It was only then did you realize the treacle tart Marlene had eaten was still in her hand, a small bite taken out of it. “I did! When I first bit into it… but after that, it started tasting a little… off. At least now my plan of disgusting foods still works.” You just stared at her, betrayed but also wanting to laugh at the situation before Sirius tugged on your arm.

“Uh, Y/N?” He whispered, pointing towards Peter. You turned to look, seeing Peter having already downed 3 tarts as your mouth fell open. “Wormtail, mate what are you doing? The tarts are bad.”

“Can’t talk…” he spoke between bites, shoveling another treacle tart into his mouth.  “Busy winning.” A quiet look at your friends sent you all scrambling to catch up, groans and gags coming from all of you as you ate the horrid food.

“Better catch up Y/N.” Sirius said as he picked up two tarts, taking bites out of both of them. He grimaced at the taste before swallowing, a second bite taken not long after. “I’m feeling extra parched lately, wouldn’t mind a butterbeer or five.” He smirked and you cackled, increasing your speed just slightly.

“You know Sirius, if you ate rather than run your mouth then perhaps, you’d have a chance at winning.” You told him, not giving much thought into your argument as you took lead over him by one whole tart. Sirius chuckled as you both continued eating, the occasional sound of laughter coming from you both when Sirius choked on a tart or you would gag, making the other think winning a possibility.

Sirius finished off the last bite of the treat he was working on and looked to you, seeing you slowing down and making a weird face. Almost like you were about to throw up as he furrowed his brows. He put a hand on your back, leaning over to talk to you before Peter’s voice interrupted him.

“Done!” The boy shouted as you all looked at his plate. True to his word, the plate was clear.

“Oh, thank god.” You moaned and tossed the half-eaten tart onto the table. You let yourself relax in your seat and your head fall into Sirius’ shoulder.

“Glad to see you’re feeling better.” He shook his head in disbelief at you, mentally thanking the fact that the challenge was over. Those tarts were disgusting. “I don’t think I’ll be able to eat another mini tart again.” Sirius grumbled and made you snort.

You nodded at him, feeling him move underneath you to stand up along with your friends. You sighed as you leaned back against the couch with an arm wrapped around your stomach. Sirius looked down at you, stretching his hand out to help you up. “I’m good thanks.” You grinned up at him, flashing your teeth comically as Sirius grabbed your hand and pulled you to your feet. “Nooo!” you groaned out and leaned onto Sirius. Lily giggled behind you as you glanced over Sirius and your shoulders, sticking your tongue out. Damn your other friends who hadn’t gone as hard as you and Sirius did.

“And the winner of the first challenge in the Jimmy Jab Games is-“ Marlene’s speech was cut off as Peter, who had rightfully won the challenge, covered his mouth when a loud grumble erupted in his stomach, alerting you all. “Uh, Peter?”

“I don’t feel so good.” He mumbled, running out of the room towards the bathroom. You all watched him leave, suddenly quite worried. Remus followed him out, being the one to check on him as you all tried to figure out what to do.

“Ok.” Marlene spoke slowly. “I guess that means Peter’s eliminated?” She asked you. You hesitated before nodding.

“I think that’d be best.”

“Alright then, the winner of the first challenge of the Jimmy Jab Games is…” Marlene stopped herself, quickly counting the small piles of tarts left over on the table. You chewed on your lip, seeing Sirius just as nervous as you as Marlene finished counting. She took her time to tell you the results, ending in all you yelling at her until Marlene stopped teasing. “Okay! The winner of round one is Sirius!”

“Yes!” Sirius shouted the same time you cried out no. He pumped his fist in the air, turning to you with a cocky smile as you crossed your arms in front of you, trying not to laugh at Sirius’ happy dance.

“How many did he eat?” James asked, falling into the couch and pulling Lily down with him.

“Uh, 24? I think.” Marlene said as she pushed around the last six tarts on Sirius’ plate.

“And how many did Y/N eat?” Sirius questions, running a hand over his mouth and pulling you into his side. Marlene looked down at your plate and held up your half-eaten tart.

“23 and a half.” She gave you a sad smile as your mouth fell open.

“What!” You growled, hearing Sirius cackle as he clung onto you, wrapping his arms around both your shoulders and pulling you into a hug. You stayed completely still, trying to keep an angry face on yourself but finding it way too hard not to laugh with your best friend hanging onto like this.

Sirius wasn’t even trying to hide his reaction. He used you for support, burying his head on your shoulder as he celebrated. “Don’t get too excited Siri. Just because you won one challenge, doesn’t mean you’ll win the game.” You told him, patting his back and letting your lips turn up slightly. You couldn’t help it! It was always so amusing seeing Sirius act like this.

He let his laughs die out slowly, pulling away to see your defeated yet happy face, completely unaware of the smug exchanges of his friends. “Aw, someone’s upset.” He faked pouted, bopping your nose with his finger as you shook your head, sticking your tongue out at him.

“I’m not upset.” You pretended to pout as well, making Sirius’ smile turn soft before he fell onto the couch, pulling you down next to him. Your friends took their seats too, no one saying a word as you leaned onto Sirius. “Round 2 tomorrow?” you asked them, specifically looking towards your lovely host who nodded her head. “Alright then, probably should get some rest if I’m planning on beating this git.” You patted Sirius’ knee as you pushed yourself up.

“Oh, in your dreams, Y/N.” You threw your head back and guffawed, sending Sirius a wink as you linked arms with Marlene to head upstairs.

“Lily? You coming?” You asked seeing the girl stay in her place despite James kissing her and leaving himself.

“No, you go ahead. I’ll be up soon.” She shooed you as you furrowed your brows, but left the room. Sirius found himself watching you leave, gnawing on the inside of his cheek before facing front. His eyes locked with Lily’s who was staring him down, a smirk on her lips that caused his stomach to drop.

“What?” He questioned her and shifted uncomfortably.

“Oh nothing.” She said and leaned back in her seat, waving her hand in the air to dismiss the question. “I was just watching you be in love with Y/N.”

Sirius froze, actually freezing in his seat as Lily held back a laugh. He finally came to his senses, clearing his throat much harsher than he meant to. “What uh, I mean, what are you talking about?”

“Oh, come on, Sirius. You know what I’m talking about. The playful bickering, wanting to make sure she was alright during the challenge, the clinging onto each other, the everyday flirting-“

“Flirting?! Y/N and I don’t flirt with other!” He objected, trying to find a flaw in Lily’s thinking. The red head just rolled her eyes.

“Fine. Take it as you want, but I know a thing or two about dancing around feelings. Trust me, Y/N’s in the same place.” She stood up, fixing her shirt before shrugging. “But if you don’t feel that way for her, forget I said anything.”

Sirius didn’t say anything as Lily left him. He’d never thought the way he acted around you meant he was in love with you. Sure, he was always more comfortable when you were around and you and him always tended to be touchier and more personal towards each other than the rest of the group or the way he could tell you anything and you’d never judge him, in fact sometimes you knew him better than he knew himself.

But that didn’t mean he was in love with you.

Did it?

A/N: Alright! You all waited long enough for me to get my shit together so here it is! The first part of the Jimmy Jab Games! Part 2 will be up tomorrow (May 29) at some point during the day, so you want to be tagged let me know. 

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