#“so angry about so many things” does not even begin to fucking cover it rn but into that tag it goes

[velvetvexations]

sorry for the incoming rant but shinigami eyes is the biggest joke ever lolll. the developer response copy pasted to myself and a bunch of other peoples disappointed reviews is ridiculous

"Transmasculine, intersex and xenogender people are welcome. Just don't use "AFAB trans woman", as it forces trans women to use "AMAB" or "male", aligning your goal with that of TERFs."

...i thought we agreed after all the bi discourse and the pan discourse and the ace discourse and the whatever the hell exclusionist discourse has happened, that other peoples identities dont have any bearing on yours. lord. 'aligning your goal with that of TERFs' quick question mate (directed at the dev not you just to make that clear) wtf do you think terfs think about intersex people, who in my experience seem to be the majority identifying as afab transfem or amab transmasc (which they dont mention ever? i wonder why. i mean, i have a guess but.)

OH MY FUCKING GOD "FORCE TRANS WOMEN TO USE AMAB" FUCK THESE PEOPLE FOREVER

trans women are not male unless they choose to identify as male but it is not forcing them to misgender themselves to refer to yourself as AFAB what the fuck lmao how does that make any sense what do these idiots think ASSIGNED MALE means and even if it did feel bad for trans women to refer to themselves that way how is it making them do so

so fucking stupid

idiotic

fucking ridiculous clown people

[nevermeyers]

regarding the whole jjk& gege hatespread movement going on rn, i think this is the perfect illustration of what happened when """trendhoppers""" (i really do not like that term) get into a popular manga because of the characters (fangirls) or the powerscale (..reddit anime bros?😭). and like, to some extent, that's fine!! fangirls are and will always be a big part of fandoms and are a big part of what keeps the community alive. i think the problem lays on the fact that jjk got a wide audience who is used to very binary good guys/bad guys representation in anime with same schemes repeated all over and never questioned their grounding bases. and some really don't like to be confronted to new characters paths or visions (especially if they do not accord to their own).

also the fact that people tend to move to the next shiny thing when the hype is over usually leaves the fandom with people who are actually interested in the story, whereas jjk never left the big screens. so i feel like a lot of the people who take a lot of place in this discourse are only there because they want to argue about who bodies who and "x could wipe the floor with y" and "x is so me guys" etc. they completely disregard the story and it's building, which is (besides interesting (and it is always good to remind it)) the WORK of SOMEONE who puts his time and effort into it.

most people treat work as content (which is bad)(coughcapitalismcough) and get angry when it's not presented in the way they want it to be☹️

You are so right anon!

And do you know what's the worst thing I've ever seen? Someone who said that Satoru couldn't die because the consumer (us, the readers) is always right ☠️ That take is so fucking disgusting, I don't even know where to begin to express the disgust I feel. There are people in the fandom who don't understand anything, they are the typical self-centered people who believe it's okay to throw trash on the school floor because there are hired cleaners. They are disgusting, I don't regret saying it.

The good thing about these chapters is that it's being shown who in the fandom are good people and who are narcissistic and ethnocentric wrecks who believe they have the power to decide on the author of the work. I've spent the last few months mass blocking these guys, ugh, I can't stand them. Worst of all, they live in their own delulu world where a sad ending (or//insert any ending they don't like) is not allowed. They really think jjk should have an ending where Sukuna is defeated and that is, again, self-centered. They say that, otherwise, everything would have been for nothing. Hmm? Since when does letting evil win undo an entire story? They are unable to value jjk for its history. They are doing the same thing that the jujutsu world did with Satoru, they are dehumanizing everything and they are so self-centered they don't even realize it.

People are literally dehumanizing both the author and the characters themselves, forcing their own vision of the narrative at the expense of whatever. Also, I've noticed that many of these profiles just spew hate, literally. That's their whole personality. You see a review in your dash, you enter the profile and surprise! that person hates everything they consume, they don't have a single good word in absolutely any chapter, they hate the author and claim that “Gege doesn't know his own characters” (as if characters aren't allowed to change and evolve in their views, ideology, etc, lmao)

These people are the worst, they spread super negative vibes. They seem very immature to me, because, if you don't like something, why would you continue consuming it? That's straight toxic, and I don't think they have a proper mental health if they're like this with the rest of things happening in their lives. They like to hate and they live off it, that is the only answer.

On the other hand, they are forcing “Gege has a bad narrative” to cover up the fact they are incapable of leaving the fandom and seeing the characters as characters and not their puppets, they force their fanon vision on them and then cry when they discover that they aren't like they expected. Shoko is an example of this. She was always certainly cold, but the fandom always painted her as Satoru's super hyper bestie, as a victim of Satoru's “selfisness” after the kfc breakup (god forbid a teenager grieving) and forced on her that she's a very good person when in reality she is still a doctor who passed her exams by cheating and who showed no empathy in lots of situations, when seeing, for example, Yuuji's corpse.

People also complain that the final fight is taking too long, lol, fights in shonen are like that, that's the point of the genre, babe, jjk is literally sold and promoted as a fight shonen. I honestly think that those who say that are people with a tiktok span of attention. (they would complain if the fight lasted for ten chapters too) Also, what a coincidence gege's narrative dropped when they started waiting weekly for a chapter, huh? What a coincidence they started disliking jjk when they started waiting, also all characters now seemed to be bad written after they started waiting another coincidence! Fast consuming has RUINED people's perception of media.

The moral of this is: enjoy what you consume, be mature about your consuming choices and have a good relationship with the things you like. Stay away from the negativity! And, most importantly, don't treat the author as your slave.

By the way, ik people have a twitter mentality so i'll say this for those. I'm not saying people can't have their own opinions, don't force that narrative on me lol It's the way you express your views that categorizes wether you're a normal person or an asshole. For example, I would have loved Yūta to stay out of this and leave Sukuna to Yuuji, since it was his time to shine! I think Yuuji deserves to have the spotlight and end everything (or try to), carry the final fight and all that. But I won't complain about it, nor drop the manga, because I'm not an inmature self-centered fifteen year old :)

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[lxngbottom]

i NEED more dominant neville!! maybe something to do with thigh riding idk 🤷🏼‍♀️

Be A Good Girl. | N.L.

in which neville makes the reader ride this thigh.

warnings: nsfw, smut, thigh riding, some degradation, dom!nev (lmk if there are more!)

you guys....... i fucking LOVE dom!neville

(edit: omg im getting to all of your requests so late pls forgive me i’ve had a lot going on in my life lately but i’m on that grind rn)

—

it was completely innocent, you see. the timing was bad, you assumed.

you and neville rarely ever fought, as he was never the one for conflict. but, the day before, you had felt like a last priority to the boy. and, maybe he didn’t mean to make you feel like that, but, he did.

so, when you two had screamed at each other for 45 minutes straight in his dorm, and you stormed out, you had decided to give him the silent treatment. and to get your mind off of things, luna had invited you to go to hogsmeade with her and harry.

harry sat in the common room patiently, waiting for your arrival. neville was there as well, because of course he had found out that you had been invited, and he was really hoping that he could try to convince you to not go, and just have a day for you two to make up for his absence the day before.

you finally came walking down the staircase, struggling to fit something into your purse as you did so. because of this, you didn’t notice the gawking stares you were getting from the most of the boys in the common room. neville stared at you, took in your outfit. a tank top due to the warm weather, and a high waisted skirt that showed off the top of your thighs deliciously. you pulled it up a bit, making neville lick his lips in hunger from how fucking sexy you looked.

but, that’s when he realized that he wasn’t the only one staring. and, the realization hit him that you were... punishing him? you? punishing him? you knew damn well that wasn’t how things worked, and on any other day, it would earn a smack on your ass cheek.

“hey, harry! ready to go?” you greeted the boy, zipping up your purse with a toothy smile. he looked you up and down, amazed at the fact that neville longbottom of all people was dating someone that looked like you.

“y-yeah! totally! let’s head out.”

neville stormed over to you, wrapping his hand around your wrist before you could go anywhere.

“we need to talk.” he demanded sternly, his jaw clenched as he witnessed harry practically eye-fucking you.

you rolled your eyes, and snatched away from him. he went to grab you again, but you stopped him with a slap to the wrist. you let out a “hmph!” and walked away with harry, and neville watched as the skirt fit perfectly around your ass.

a punishment definitely had your name written all over it for later.

—

“night, harry!” you waved, smiling at the boy. he waved back, and went up the stairs to go back to his dorm.

you did the same, relieved to finally just be able to relax. maybe, read a book before you fell asleep, or catch up on some journaling. yeah, that sounded nice.

you had a wonderful day. filled with laughs and small conversations between yourself, luna, and harry. you seemed to have completely forgotten about your boyfriend, and the argument you guys had just 24 hours before.

you entered your dorm, your head down to make sure that you locked it back when you stepped in. after your heard the sound of your door locking, you took the small cardigan off that you had brought with you, as the nighttime had made the air much chiller. you hung your purse up near the door, as that was a small system that one of your dorm mates had came up with. you kicked your shoes off, body still not facing your bed.

you went to take your tank top off, until something interrupted you.

“hm.”

the small mutter made you jump, and you turned around quickly to see who the culprit was. of course, it was neville. he sat on your bed, book in hand, and a dark look in his eyes as he stared at you,

you huffed, “what the hell are you doing here? i was changing, you know!”

he chuckled, the small laugh spiteful and low, “don’t stop on my account. it’s not like i haven’t seen you naked before, darling.”

you rolled your eyes, and stomped over towards your bed, “leave!”

he looked up at you, fake curiosity in his eyes. he slammed the book shut, and tossed it on your bedside table.

“why should i?”

you scoffed at him, “because, this is my dorm! and, i honestly don’t want to speak to you! so piss off!”

he found you adorable. your little tough act that you were trying to keep up. he knew it was only a matter of time before you would be wrapped around his finger once again, begging for him to be inside of you.

“you’re not still angry at me are you?”

he knew the answer to that. he just liked to tease you,

“yes! i’m very angry at you, neville! i was having a great day and of course... you come along to make me feel bad when you were in the wrong!”

neville grabbed your thigh as you tried to walk away, his fingers tightening on the sensitive skin, “me in the wrong? i wasn’t the one prancing around in this little skirt all day like a fucking whore.”

the statement made your stomach flutter, and you couldn’t help the blush that raised to your cheeks.

“i know what you’re playing at, petal. and, i don’t appreciate it. do you know how many guys were staring at your ass? staring at what belongs to me?”

the question made your cross your arms, “playing at? i’m not playing at anything, neville. i just wanted to feel pretty today. sorry that you’re angry that other guys find me attractive...”

that fucking attitude. oh god, you were in for it.

neville pulled you down by your wrist, settling you right on top of his lap. you felt his hard cock sticking out from his pants, just waiting to be touched. you couldn’t help but to sigh from the way it felt on your clothed clit.

“watch your fucking mouth, petal. you know i don’t like when you talk back.”

the tone in his voice made your panties dampen, and you tried to look away, avoid his intense gaze, but he quickly turned your face back by grabbing your chin,

“i saw the way harry was looking at you. you wanted him to see your pretty little ass... didn’t you?” he reached his hand up slowly, and caressed your cheek menacingly. you gulped, his dark eyes having a greater affect on you than you’d like to admit.

without warning, the hand that was settled onto the small of your back moved down swiftly, going underneath your skirt, and it came down with a harsh slap to your ass cheek. you whimpered, the burning sensation automatically kicking in.

“how many more slaps do you think you deserve, huh? cause... i think you deserve at least ten more, doll.”

you quickly shook your head, your clothed clit falling victim to his crotch. you bucked your hips up slightly, pleading for more friction.

he looked down, noticing the arousal leaking from your panties, staining his pants. he tsked and shook his head as he studied your desperate attempt to pleasure yourself,

“pretty sluts like you that like to show off don’t deserve my cock... isn’t that right, petal?” he cooed teasing, placing a single kiss on your neck.

“i—i’m sorry... please—“

“no begging. you know what’s coming.”

you sighed, knowing that no amount of pleading would lead you to get your way. you had made him mad, and you knew that there was no getting away with that.

“here’s what’s going to happen, petal. you’re going to get yourself off on my thigh. got it? and maybe... if you’re good i’ll fuck you until you can’t take it anymore. does that sound good?”

you quickly nodded your head, the thought of riding neville’s thigh always being so fun, in the most sinful way possible.

“alright, now be a good girl and do as i say...”

neville began to position himself up against the headboard, as he was not too keen on letting you fall back onto the floor. you waited patiently as he adjusted, beginning to take your tank top off.

he watched as the straps fell, and he licked his lips when he saw your bra covered breasts. he felt his cock twitch from the mere sight of your nipples as you took your bra off, letting it fall to the floor with a small noise.

you reached for the hem of your skirt, but neville interrupted,

“no. the skirt and your panties stay on. it looks too fucking good on you.”

you wanted to protest, as if you were going to do this you wanted to be able to feel all of him. but, you really had no choice. so, you simply nodded and crawled over towards your lovely boyfriend.

he patted his thigh as a sign for you to get on, and you did so shakily, not knowing what to expect.

“move your hips, petal...” he ordered, grabbing them and starting for you, “just like that.”

instantly, that fire in your stomach a-blazed. neville watched as you bucked your hips, trying to desperately not to miss his flexed thigh on your heat. he placed small, teasing kissing along your neck, going down to your breasts, and nibbling on your nipples gently.

you gasped, all the sensations beginning to hit you at once,

“look at my pretty girl, making me so fucking hard. merlin... you’re such a slut...” he breathed out, the movements from your knee cap stimulating him. in times like this, neville almost let the dominant mask slip off, but, he knew he had to keep it on.

“nev—fuck—c-cum...” you stuttered out, that familiar knot in your got trying ever so desperately to come apart.

he chuckled lowly at your state, and the way your eyes were rolling to the back of your head. “please... n—need y-your cock...”

he automatically shook his head,

“i told you, petal... dirty little sluts like you don’t get my cock... you know that already.”

you whimpered, only wanting the sensation of him inside of you, fucking you into oblivion.

as time went by, the urge to release was taking over your whole being. your thighs and hips were aching at this point, and neville as well could feel himself about to cum.

neville placed a sloppy kiss on your lips, “can’t get off, petal?” he teased, a smarmy grin on his face, “i’ll take over for you... even though you don’t deserve it.”

that’s when he held your hips once more, and flexed his thigh to his best ability. he moved you, your whimpers and moans only increasing with every feeling of friction.

“k-kiss...” you muttered, speech shaky and uneven. but, neville knew what you wanted. so, he pulled you in for a heated kiss, his tongue entering your mouth before you could even welcome it.

his cock was aching at this point, and he could feel himself about to release all in his pants.

“cum, flower. i need to feel you cum all over me like a good girl, alright?”

the tone in his voice was all you needed to let out a loud scream, and fall apart right in his arms. your thighs trembled, and neville felt your cum gather all in a pool on his pants. he as well came, a loud groan escaping his lips as your face fell into his neck.

“mhm... you make me feel so good, petal...”

[skiller0dani]

Bad Girl| Ethan Nestor

MASTERLIST YouTube Masterlist

smut requested requests info

hey guys it's been a while! Got this amazing request recently and I had to write it asap. love you all xx

Ethan didn't have many rules for you, but the most important one by far was to not bother him while he's streaming.

With the two of you keeping your relationship a secret there's just too much that can go wrong. He's live so if you came into the room, people could hear, rumors could start. More than anything Ethan wants to protect you so you coming into his recording room while he's streaming is completely out of the question. Normally you respected this rule without question, it was his YouTube channel after all, so he got to call the shots. More than that however, Ethan called the shots in other aspects of your life.

When it came to the sex, he called the shots in that too. But you always did what he said, and frankly, you felt like being a bad girl.

All day you've needed him, from the very second you woke up and the gentle morning sex he'd provided wasn't nearly enough to satiate you. You still felt that uncomfortable throbbing from between your thighs, and it lingered for most of the day. Any attempt you made to get his cock resulted in a soft kiss on the head and a "sorry baby I'm too busy today."

You laid back on the couch, irked to all hell. How could Ethan not see that he was depriving you? You pushed the heel of your hands into your eyes and groaned, your pussy was damp and aching and there wasn't a damn thing you could do about it. Spencer sat happily at your feet chewing on a squeaky bone. At least one of you was happy.

You heard Ethan laugh from inside his recording room, he was currently streaming Among Us. You feel so frustrated you want to cry and when you glance at the clock you feel like crying all over again. It's only 1:30, and Ethan is only 20 minutes into his stream. Meaning at this rate Ethan won't be able to help you until later tonight. You whined to yourself, snaking your hand under the sleep shorts you were wearing. Your fingers found your clit and you began to rub small circles just like Ethan does. It does little to nothing to relieve the pounding in your core. Only Ethan can.

You stand from your spot on the couch to go grab a bottle of water, hoping that some cold water will help calm you down. You lean against the counter, sipping at the cold water when you remember the night before. Ethan had come home from filming with someone he doesn't know very well. The recording session was frustrating and he hadn't gotten any good footage, meaning the entire day was a giant waste of time. By the time Ethan had gotten back to the house he was beyond frustrated and the first thing he did was bend you over the kitchen counter and slam into you mercilessly. You feel a shudder run down your spine at the memory and you groan softly in annoyance. You're not going to survive the day like this.

You went upstairs and into your shared room with Ethan and sat on the edge of the bed, you're always such a good girl. You followed every rule and every command without too much complaint. And today Ethan told you to wait. His rule today was to be a good girl and wait for his cock until that night. But damnit you're so turned on right now you feel like you're going to combust into flames.

You don't want to be a good girl today. You feel like breaking the rules.

With a smirk you stand from the bed and creep down the hallway, nearing his recording room. Once you're stood outside the door you feel a rush of adrenaline rush through you, you've never broken this rule before. In all 12 months of your relationship with Ethan, you've never interrupted him while he's live streaming. You almost turn back but when you hear Ethan groan in annoyance it sends tingles down your spine and a fresh wave of arousal dampening your panties. Gritting your teeth you quietly open the door and watch as Ethan's surprised eyes flicker to you for a second.

You bite your lip and sink to the floor, luckily Ethan's desk doesn't have a back so you easily crawl underneath it.

Being careful not to bump the desk you slowly crawl in between Ethan's legs, and he instinctively spreads his legs wider for you. When he glances back down at you, you feel heat rush through your entire body at the angry look in his eyes. He raises a warning brow before turning back to the game and for a second you consider leaving, but the pulsing from between your legs stops you. You bite your lip and reach forward, carefully unbuttoning Ethan’s jeans and slowly pulling his zipper down. 

Ethan tenses, his heart hammering in his chest as he does his best to act natural. This isn’t a regular video, he can’t edit anything out. This is being broadcasted live to nearly a million people. When he feels your dainty hands reaching into his jeans he sucks in a breath through his teeth. 

“Ethan you okay?” Bob asks, unfortunately for Ethan they decided to play Among Us with proximity chat on. Ethan clears his throat, “yeah stubbed my toe.” He lies but he knows it doesn’t sound very convincing. 

You wrap your hand around his hardening cock and you nearly moan when you finally free it from his jeans. The sight of it makes you even more wet then you were before, it’s hard and precumming. It’s beautiful. You lean forward instantly and wrap your lips around the head, sucking softly. Ethan clenches his jaw as he focuses all of his attention on the game in front of him. He keeps his eyes firmly on the screen because he knows if he looks at you it’s game over. Ethan would end the stream and have you bent over this desk in less than 30 seconds if he saw the beautiful sight happening under the desk. 

You keep your lips wrapped around him as you suddenly take all of him in your mouth. Ethan gasps softly in surprise, and this is when he notices the comments on his stream. 

Ethan flashes a smile to the camera, doing his best to pretend he doesn’t notice that every single comment is about him and not about the game. Embarrassment floods through Ethan’s body as he keeps his eyes on his monitor. You continue to slide him down your throat, and Ethan’s eyes briefly flutter shut. When one comment pops up, Ethan panics. 

what’s wrong Ethan???  he looks like he’s in pain  someone should tell the other people on the stream bc ethan does not look okay right now ethan are you okay? 

Shit. Ethan continues to ignore the comments, when did his fan base become little detectives? You bob your head down the full length of his cock, taking him into your mouth fully. It’s becoming increasingly harder to keep the sounds quiet so that nobody notices. When you swallow around him Ethan groans softly, “fuck.” 

does eef have a girl over?? ;)  omg ethan’s totally getting sucked off rn ngl ethan looks super fucking hot 

“Ethan?” This time it’s Mark. You pull off Ethan and smirk as you pump his cock with your hand. The arousal is coating your thighs at this point and you nearly moan out loud just thinking about what Ethan is going to do to you after this. 

“Ethan I’m getting some pretty interesting comments on my stream about you,” Jack says with a teasing tone to his voice. Ethan remains quiet, he doesn’t trust himself to say anything casually. “Got some company Ethan?” Jack says causing a chorus of laughter to ensue afterwards while everyone waits for another round to start. “His silence is...suspicious.” Steven adds through the laughter. 

Unable to focus any longer, Ethan releases a breath he’d been holding as he finally glances down at you. The sight before him stops him cold, you’re sitting on your knees with his cock in your mouth. Your breasts are spilling from the tight tank top you’re wearing and he can see the damp spot forming on the crotch of your shorts. His pupils blow wide as he quickly ends the stream and turns off the camera. The second he’s sure everything is shut off he pushes back from the desk and yanks you to your feet. 

“You think that was funny?” Ethan growls when he sees the smirk on your face. In an instant Ethan has you pulled over his lap, “you think it was funny to suck my cock when I was live? I can’t cover any of that up baby.” Ethan says, his voice low as his hands find the waistband of your shorts. 

“I need you.” You whined as he yanked your shorts down. Ethan hummed in satisfaction once he sees your glistening pussy. “Yes I can see that.” He hums, spreading your lips apart so he can look at you better. 

“I just fucked you this morning baby girl, you couldn’t wait? I’m pretty sure I told you to wait until tonight.” He says, the dominance beginning to seep into his tone. You moaned in delight when you feel Ethan spank you hard. “I couldn’t wait Ethan, I needed you now.” You explain, with a pout on your face. 

“Now all my friends know what a dirty girl you are, and now so do all my fans as well. We aren’t going to be a secret anymore baby, you just outed us.” Ethan explains, his fingertips brushing through your folds. You whine desperately as you try to grind back into his hand, but he pulls away. “It was time baby, oh my god Ethan please just fuck me please.” You plead shamelessly. 

Ethan continues to rub the globes of your ass as you moan and wriggle in his lap, “hm I’m not sure you deserve it now baby. You didn’t listen to me, I’m not sure you deserve my cock anymore.” He says, a small smirk on his face when he sees the look of pure desperation cross onto your face. “No Ethan please, I’ll listen now. I-I will I promise baby!” Ethan taps on your hip, signaling you to stand. Once your stood in front of him you moan again, you’ve never seen him look sexier then he does right now. 

His hair is messy and his chest his heaving, but the best part is between his legs. His cock is hard and his legs are spread wide, and the heated look Ethan is giving you makes you want to melt into the floor. “Go wait for me in our room.” Is all Ethan says, and you immediately scramble out of the room and down to hall to yours and Ethan’s bedroom. You sit on the bed and anxiously wait for him, your entire body buzzing in anticipation. When 10 agonizing minutes pass Ethan finally opens the door, his jeans still opened. “I’ve thought of a fitting punishment for you Princess.” 

Ethan walks to his side of the bed before sitting down, pulling you to stand in front of him. “Since you don’t seem to like my rules, why don’t you be in charge then baby?” Your heart sinks, and you immediately shake your head. 

“But I love it when you’re in control, I love following your rules.” You argue but Ethan shakes his head with a teasing smile on his face. 

“I seem to have lost my authority, you don’t listen to me anymore baby. So you try being in charge, tell me what to do.” Ethan reaches forward and yanks you towards him. You fall against his chest, your lips a hairs length from him, “boss me around.” He whispers and you swallow a thick lump in your throat. You stand again, feeling anxious and unsure of what to do. Normally Ethan tells you what to do, but he just relinquished all control to you and you already hate it. 

Ethan watches with knowing eyes, he knows already that you have no idea what to do. “Well? What do you want me to do baby?” Ethan asks, watching the blush crawl up your neck and tint the edges of your ears. You tremble, “um...I-” you feel your throat close as tears well in your eyes. In a second Ethan is pulling you into his arms, smoothing your hair down and pressing kisses to your head. You melt into his embrace while he mumbles loving words into your hair. “I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to upset you.” Ethan whispers, pressing soft kisses to your head. 

“Is that how you felt on the stream? Embarrassed?” You ask hesitantly and to your dismay, Ethan nods. 

“Kinda, but it’s okay baby.” You lean up to press a kiss to his lips. 

“I’ve learned my lesson, I promise. I know why you make those rules now.” You say softly and Ethan brushes hair out of your face with a small smile. “Can you be in charge again?” Instead of answering Ethan flashes you a smile before pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

“Lay down baby.” In an instant the heat floods through your body again as you scramble to lay down on the bed. Ethan stands and swiftly yanks his shirt over his head, and motions for you to do the same. Sitting up you quickly pull your shirt off, watching as Ethan kicks his jeans and boxers off as well. Ethan hovers over you, and you feel his cock nudging at your entrance and in an instant you spread your legs wider for him. Ethan slides just the head of his cock into you and he stills. You wriggle your hips, “Ethan please,” You beg in a gasp. 

Cupping your cheeks, Ethan turns your head to look him in the eyes. “No more bothering me while I’m live got it?” He says and you nod instantaneously. With one sharp thrust, Ethan slides the rest of the way in and both of you release a moan. Pressing his lips to yours he begins to thrust into you and you feel the heat building already. You wrap your legs around him, locking your ankles behind his back as he slowly picks up speed. Ethan pulls out, “bend over.” He gasps and you move to bend over the bed, already missing the stretch his cock provided. As soon as you’re bent over in front of him, Ethan grasps your hips and thrusts back into you. 

Your face is pressed into the bed as you cry out softly, Ethan slamming into you again and again. “Fucking took my dick in your mouth in front of the entire world, you’re lucky they only saw me. If anyone else saw how beautiful you look with a cock in your mouth I think I’d lose my mind.” Ethan growls and you can only moan in response as your fists twist the sheets in your hands. You feel the coil in your abdomen winding tighter and tighter and when Ethan reaches around your body to softly pinch your clit you’re crying out and convulsing around him, leading him to his orgasm as well. You collapse against the bed and Ethan rubs a hand up and down your back before gently pulling out with a wince. 

He helps you into bed and lays down next to you, pulling your bare body against his chest. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you.” You say softly, but Ethan merely presses a kiss to your lips. 

“Only a little, I couldn’t be bothered too much I mean you were sucking my dick. Doesn’t get better than that.” Ethan shrugs, causing you to blush. You sit up when Ethan stands from the bed, reaching around for his clothes. 

“Now if your unusually high sex drive has been fully satisfied, I have some explaining to do.” Ethan teases, causing you to giggle. With a kiss to your sweaty forehead Ethan is exiting the room, and you lay back against the bed with the widest smile stretched across your face. 

[thembo-for-anime]

Hot Drinks and Cold Hands

request: hello bug!! can i request a one shot of tsukishima with a s/o whos parents are getting a divorce? this is happening to me irl rn :|. his s/o is making jokes about it (“lol do you think i can guilt trip them into buying me a pc???”) and they don’t really seem to care abt it too much. in reality his s/o has just had to put up with their parents fighting all the time and are just angry bc they’ve always had to comfort their siblings. maybe one day their s/o shows up to school with eyebags nd they confide in him abt how they had to stay up all night comforting their parents and siblings?? nd it kinda takes him back bc they seem so tired compared to how they usually are (laidback nd humorous). and like s/o just kinda admits they feel terrible?? angry at their parents for bringing them into their fights but sad bc they’re siblings have to go through it too?? sorry this is so long dhjdjdjdj. feel free to shorten it or just ignore this req since it deals w somewhat heavy topics!!! thanks :]!!!

bug says things: hi!! i’m so sorry that it took me DECADES to finish this but I hope that this is what you wanted!!

also warnings!! the obvious: divorce, parents fighting, dealing with anger, crying, cursing and if there’s anything else i need to tag lmk!

word count: 3.5k oops 👀👀

KEI TSUKISHIMA

You could hear fighting from downstairs for what felt like the hundredth time today. They’re already getting a divorce, did they really have to fight like this? Especially since not only you were home but so were your siblings. Not to mention, you had just put your youngest sibling to sleep but their yelling woke them up. 

“Are they fighting again?” they ask, looking up at you. Nodding your head you see their eyes tear up and their eyebrows furrow. "I don't like it when they fight." 

The way that their young face looked so grown with worry made you angry. Angry that your parents had no regard for you guys as they had their daily screaming match. Angry that they couldn’t even for a minute let the house settle and have some quiet. Angry that right now you weren’t able to just be a kid and they might not either.

“Me either, they’re just...they’re just not happy right now,” you say as you push their hair away from their face.

“Are they not happy ‘cause I did something wrong?” they ask, their small hands squeezing the blanket.

“No! No, no, no you didn’t do anything wrong,” you exclaim. “Here, scooch over.”

They do and you lay down with them. They rest their head on your arm and you wipe away tears with the end of your sweater. Some snot gets on your jacket from their nose and you wrinkle your nose in disgust.

“Eeeww, that’s nASty,” you say jokingly, causing them to laugh a little. “Why do you have so many boogers in your nose?”

“Well when a mommy booger and a daddy booger love each other very much-”

“You are not giving me the talk right now with boogers, absolutely not,” you protest as they giggle again. You smile softly at this small victory before your phone lights up and you see a text from Kei.

Dino Boy: hey u up?

Dino Boy: actually nvm i know u are

Dino Boy: i might be a good bf tomorrow and pick u up some coffee so what do u want?

“Is that Tsukki?” your sibling asks peering over you at your phone.

“Yeah, you wanna reply to him?” you ask as they nod their head vigorously. For some reason--you couldn’t figure out why--all your siblings absolutely adored him. 

You hand over your phone and move to sit up. “I’m gonna check up on sissy next door okay? Text him that I just want a little pastry or something.” 

But they make a noise of protest. “I don’t want you to go yet,” they pout and grab onto the bottom of your sweater. An idea comes to mind as they reach out their arms. “Carry me!”

“What? You’re way too big!” you say as they do grabby hands, letting you know that they weren’t taking no as an answer. You roll your eyes as you turn your back to them. “You’re lucky that I have strong leg muscles,” you answer as they climb on your back and begin typing away on your phone.

“More like noodle legs,” they whisper to themself, but you heard them and pretended to almost drop them in response. “Hey! Not funny!”

“Eh, it was funny to me,” you say as you approach the door as the yelling gets louder. A frown lands on your lips. “Plug your ears okay?”

Your sibling nods as they put your phone in their pocket and cover their ears. You open the door and peek outside. The yelling immediately assaults your eardrums and you tiptoe silently to the room over, which housed your other sibling. 

“Are you really going to deny them Christmas with their own mother?”

“You’re acting like you’ve been such a saint to them, I exist too you know! They have two parents, not just one!”

Knocking lightly on the door with two quick knocks, one slow and two more quick, it opens slightly and you see your younger sister's concerned face before she lets you in.

“What do you want?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What does it look like? Impromptu sleepover,” you say plopping your shared sibling on her bed. She just rolls her eyes and sits in her chair pulling her legs up to her chest.

“I’m talking to Tsukki!” your sibling says showing off your phone. This seems to pique her interest so she moves to the bed and watches as your youngest sibling sends gifs and messages to your boyfriend. Bless him for indulging them. They can be...a lot sometimes but you’re glad he’s been a good sport about it.

“Why is your boyfriend such a dry texter?” she asks looking at you with an amused face.

“Pfft he’s not dry, he just...he’s just socially awkward okay?” you protest as she fights back a smile.

“Okay, sure, whatever you say.”

____________________________

This is how the rest of the night goes. Trying to keep your siblings mind off of your parents screaming voices and letting them bother Tsukishima until they both doze off. You let them both have the bed while you steal a blanket and pillow from your room before coming back to sleep on the floor. 

Which in retrospect wasn’t the best idea because waking up with a sore body wasn’t how you wanted to start your morning. You check on your siblings to see them both fast asleep, so you Mission Impossible yourself back into your room--with your phone--as quietly as possible.

You get ready for the day, knowing that at least you could get some peace and quiet in the morning. Both of your parents start work in the morning so they always leave early, but you wouldn’t be surprised if they had started leaving even earlier to just be away from each other. 

It’s just- It’s so frustrating that they get to fuck off and leave you as a stand in parent. You’re basically still a kid and were you meant to just raise theirs while they got to get angry and leave in a huff? You didn’t make the decision to have kids so they shouldn’t be your responsibility...but you knew if you didn’t take care of them then no one would.

“Ugh!” you grunt as you kick a shirt that was on your floor. 

Whatever, whatever, it’s fine. You try to calm down a bit when your phone starts buzzing. Seeing that it’s Kei you take one last deep breath before you answer. “Hello?”

“Hey open your front door,” he says as you roll your eyes playfully.

“Well good morning to you too, how am I doing? Oh I’m great, you’re so sweet for asking,” you say and you can hear him huff into the speaker.

“Okay, okay good morning now please let me in...baby it’s cold outside,” he says and you can practically hear his lips curling through the phone. 

Damn him for being cute to get what he wants. “Fine but only in the good spirit of the holidays.”

You make your way to the front door and open it to see your tall tree of a man in all of his pink cheeked glory. You smile as you let him inside. “Aw is that blush for me?” you ask teasingly.

“Hardly, in case you haven’t noticed it’s freezing out there,” he says before leaning down to give you a quick kiss. When you pull away that’s when you notice the amount of drinks in his hands.

“You extra thirsty this morning or?” you ask trailing off as he shakes his head.

“No these are for-”

“Tsukki!!” your younger sibling yells as they rush him.

“He’s got drinks, be careful!” you fret but they’ve already secured their arms around him. You mouth him a ‘Sorry’ as the pink on his cheeks returns slightly.

“Hey short stack,” he says as he lowers his hand which holds a drink holder and four drinks, “Here’s your hot chocolate.” 

They gasp and take it from him. “Thank you Tsukki!”

You can see a small smile creep up on his face as he says, “No problem.” He ruffles their hair a bit with his free hand and they beam up at him.

“You got the goods?” your sister asks as she emerges from her room, eyes basically still closed from sleep.

“Right here ya gremlin,” he says holding out her drink to her. She grabs it and immediately turns around to head back to her room.

“Say thank you at least!” you call out to her before she stops for a second.

“Yeah okay, thank you Dino Man,” she says waving her hand before going back to her room.

You shake your head before turning back to him, “Sorry, she’s usually only like that when she’s tired.”

He shrugs his shoulders a bit. “It’s fine, I don’t care,” he says holding out your drink to you and you take it gladly.

“Thank you,” you say smiling up at him.

“We’re the polite one’s,” your sibling announces proudly, causing the two of you to laugh a bit.

He nods his head as he leans down to them. “I’ve noticed,” he says before you usher them off to go get ready for school.

You grab your coat and meet him at the door. “Sorry for them, they’re a lot to deal with first thing in the morning,” you say, locking the door behind you with one hand.

“It’s really fine, if it was too much I’d tell you right?” he asks, gesturing with his own drink and swinging his free hand by his side. (Which is an invitation for you to hold it, which you gladly do.)

“I guess so,” you say as you lean into him a bit as you two walk. He pushes up his glasses and looks away but you can see the blush at the tips of his ears. You smile a bit before holding up his hand in yours to give it a little kiss.

“Ngk, what was that for?” he asks, turning to face you so you could see his embarrassed features more clearly.

“You have cold hands, I was trying to warm them up,” you say innocently but he knows better.

“Right, sure,” he says as you break away for a minute to pull out your phone and headphones. “You know you should really invest in some better earbuds.”

You look at yours which are practically falling apart, but hey! You had some tape holding bits together so it was ‘fine’ for the time being. “I guess you’re right. Do you think I can guilt my parents into getting me new ones?” you ask jokingly and he practically chokes. “Hey, joking, joking.” You raise your hands up and he shakes his head with a mumble. 

“Here, let’s just use mine,” he says fishing them out of his backpack. You hum in agreement as he hands you one. Putting it in, you lean into him again and lightly shut your eyes letting the music wash over you.

Tsukishima's chest vibrates a bit, signaling to you that he had said something while you weren’t paying attention. “Huh?”

“I said are you okay? You seem exhausted,” he says as his eyebrows furrow in concern. For a moment his face reminded you of your sibling and for some reason that upset you. 

You didn’t want him worrying so you just smiled and laughed off his comment. “Yeah, I just stayed up too late last night.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, clearly not satisfied with your answer.

“Yeah! We had a sibling sleepover and they kept me up for a bit.” He’s pretty good at reading people so you tried your best to seem more energetic than before. “Also thank you so much for the drinks, I’ll pay you back for them tomorrow,” you say trying to change the topic.

At this he scoffs, “You know when I said I was gonna be a good boyfriend today I meant it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to pay me back or anything.”

God could this boy be any more perfect? He’s so sweet--even if he constantly denies it. Sure, sometimes he can seem like a cold person on the outside but he has a big heart and you were so grateful that he trusted it with you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks as you realize you had been staring at him with heart eyes.

“I love you, you know that right?” you ask and his eyes widen and his cheeks flush.

“I- Well, yes you’ve told me that before,” he stutters trying to hide his face behind his hand.

“Good cause I do, very much,” you reply, bringing down his hand as you pull him into a kiss. The amount of heat from his face almost makes you laugh but you hold it in. Content to just feel his lips move against yours. When you pull away you can’t help but smile as he sinks his face into his coat a bit. “Did that warm you up Kei?” you as he rolls his eyes which show the faintest bit of a smile.

“Oh shut up.”

___________________________

You were able to get through most of the day without falling asleep thanks to the caffeine from your gifted drink, but you still couldn’t help but feel exhausted. And it’s not like after school you could’ve gone home to take a nap because not only did you have to meet up with one of your teachers because of your suffering grades, but even when you did get home you wouldn't be able to get any peace and quiet.

Leaving the meeting with your teacher--where you promised you would work harder--you emerged from the building to see your boyfriend waiting for you out in the cold.

“Kei? What are you doing here?” you ask as he notices you walking his way.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he asks, “I waited since you’re coming home with me to study.”

“I- But- When did you decide that?” you sputter out.

He shrugs his shoulder as he pretends to think. “Around the same time I realized that I was the only reason you were passing your classes. So come on let’s go,” he says holding his arm out for you.

“Psh, you’re not the only reason,” you answer and he gives you a look as you hook your arm through his.

“Oh right, of course,” he says and chuckles a bit when you stick your tongue out at him.

___________________________

So the past 30 minutes had been spent working on your late work while Tsukishima helped you. But the longer you worked the more the page had begun to blur as your droopy eyelids threatened to close and not open again. 

He took notice immediately and tried to urge you to take a quick nap but you refused. This was probably the only time that you would be able to get a bulk of your homework and missing work done. 

Once you went back home all that work would have to be pushed aside so you could take care of your siblings. It’s something that has been stressing you out for the past couple of weeks. 

Before, you’d at least be able to finish some of your homework at night but since your parents couldn’t stop fighting the minute they both got home, that quickly changed.

“Come on, I doubt you can even see the paper like that,” he says looking at your squinted eyes which you couldn’t help but rub.

“M’fine Kei,” you mumble leaning your head against your arm.

He rolls his eyes as he scoots closer to you, “Like hell I’ll take that for an answer. You couldn’t even form two separate words.” 

You glare at him before turning back to your paper. “I’m really fine thank you for asking,” you say, tapping your pencil on the table. “How was that?”

“If I’m being honest, six of ten. You see, the average person would be fooled but not me," he says before becoming earnest, "Seriously, what’s going on?” he asks gently resting his head on your shoulder.

Now you don’t know if it was the exhaustion or the care that you heard in his voice but something in you broke--making hot tears run down your face no matter how hard you willed them to stop. 

“Fuck,” you whisper and he immediately pulls you into a hug.

“Hey c’mere,” he says and you grab onto him tightly. He lets you sob into his shoulder as he holds you in his arms. 

“I’m just so tired Kei, I’m so fucking tired. Of my parents fighting, of my shit sleep schedule, of taking care of my siblings. I love them, I do, it’s just- I don’t want to have to be a parent to them when I'm still just a kid! I’m just a fucking kid,” you say, your voice cracking against your will.

Tsukishima is the last one to know what to say to comfort people so he just holds you and rocks you back forth a bit. It breaks his heart to see you like this. He knew things were bad but he didn’t know they were this bad. Maybe he should’ve asked you about it more instead of let you brush it off. What if you didn’t want to talk to him about it because you were scared he’d judge you? Sure he was abrasive sometimes but never to you. God he’d never want to do that to you. He just...liked to tease. Maybe he had been a bad boyfriend to you.

“Fuck, I’m sorry for crying. I’ve just had a bad week,” you say as you wipe your tears and go to pull away but to your surprise he doesn’t let go. If anything he pulls you closer.

“Don’t be sorry I...I know that I can be...a bit of an ass sometimes but if you ever need me--and I mean ever--I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” His face is now buried in the crook of your neck and you can feel his shaky breath on your skin. “If I ever made you feel like you couldn’t...I’m- I’m sorry.”

You immediately pull back in shock. “Kei no, you didn’t, trust me. I just- I just didn’t want to worry you. You have enough on your plate with volleyball and I just didn’t want to bother you with my mess,” you confess and he just leans his head against yours.

“You could never bother me,” he says and you laugh causing him to roll his eyes and add, “Not with the important stuff at least.”

“Excuse you, how to pronounce gif is very important,” you say.

“Nope, nope, no we aren’t getting into this again,” he says as he picks you up.

You quickly grab a hold of his shirt and he grins. “What are you doing!”

“I’m taking you to bed because you need to sleep and I don’t mind holding you for a bit longer.” 

He takes you burying your face into his chest as a sign of resignation from your previous argument. 

With you in his arms, he walks straight to his room and it’s only when he opens the door does he notice that you actually fell asleep in them. Besides the fact that that’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen, he’s now got to figure out how to keep you asleep when lays you on his bed. He opts to lay you down first before climbing under the covers to join you. 

His fingers push the hair out of your face and he leans down to give you a kiss on the forehead causing you to cuddle closer to him. His heart clenches when you absentmindedly reach out your hand for his. He brings it up to his lips for a kiss as he looks across to you.

“Goodnight,” he says before adding much, much softer, “I’m so in love with you."

----------------------------------------------------------

Tags! @mixfi (idk if you were joshing when you said you wanted to be on my taglist but here it is!)

[analyzingadventure]

I’M 5 EPISODES BEHIND ON PSI, I CAN ONLY WATCH 4 BECAUSE THE NEWEST ONE ISN’T AVAILABLE YET AND IT’S KILLING ME BECAUSE I SAW AN OUT-OF-CONTEXT MEME ABOUT IT AND IT HAD SOME IMPLICATIONS ABOUT IT

ANYWAYS, LET’S CATCH UP ON PSI, EPISODES 20-23, LET’S GO

Okay let’s save that widdle baby from that test tube

HOLY SHIT PSI’S VELGRMON IS HUGE

THAT IS A BIG FUCKING BIRB

That is a weird way for Devimon to ask Velgrmon to fetch Takeru considdering he was technically already captured by Devimon but okay I guess

MEGADRAMON!!! YEAH

Leomon please don’t die

Ah, they are acknowledging that the kids were missing for three days during a horrifying black-out, I was worried they wouldn’t like, acknowledge that at all

Koushirou’s hesistant to talk about his parents... Oh baby... ;_;

TENTOMON!! How’re you messaging to the kids?? IS GENNAI THERE TO HELP?? Or are you just in the Network messing with stuff?? Probably?

Oh, great, Algomon still isn’t fucking dead. HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO KILL THIS FUCKER

Is that squid thing Calmaramon? It looks like Calmaramon??

oH MY GOD it took me a moment to realize what was happening but WEREGARURUMON HITCHING A RIDE ON THE GIGA DESTROYER MISSILE WAS HILARIOUS OMG HE’S USING IT LIKE A SKATEBOARD LMFAO

YEAH YAMATO, SAVE YOUR BABY BRO!!!

TAKERUUU!! SASUKEEEE wait

ANGEMON!!!! BABY!!! WHERE ARE YOU ANGEMON?!?!

Megumin Han.... I’m so happy to hear your voice ;___;

A beautiful reunion

Takeru seems to be taking... [/points at the DW and the Digimon] everything really well

Jesus Velgrmon is stronk

NOOO THEY JUST SAVED TAKERU, FUCK

ANGEMON WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP!!!! WE NEED YOU!!!

OHHHHH TAKERU IS ANGERY no talk to him he angy

YEAH ANGEMON, FLY LIKE THE FUCKING WIND

God I love WereGarurumon’s nail polish, it looks fantastic yo

ANGEMON!!!!! Feather symbolism yeee

Is Angemon gonna spend all his powers to kill Velgrmon and die instantly? That’d be hilarious

Awe, no Giga Destroyer? Just Giga Storm? D’aww

HE IS GONNA DIE, ISN’T HE

ENJOY YOUR TRAUMA TAKERU LMFAO

oh mY GOD SKULL KNIGHTMON CAME IN AND STOLE IT TOO, YOU FUCKER LMAO

EPISODE 21, LET’S GO

Yamato I’m sure you could explain a few things to Takeru while you’re just chasing Skull Knightmon

Ah Devimon, your arms are as long as always, how wonderful

Ah, more Xros Wars rep! Splashmon! :D

TAKERU WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

YOU JUST GOT HERE LITTLE CHILD, DON’T JUST JUMP INTO THE HOLE HEAD FIRST, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING

Oh wow Devimon had prepared an Evil Incubator for Angemon’s Digiegg, how fast and nice

Poor baby is gonna get super corrupted, eh?

IT’S SO NICE... TO SEE THESE FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE KIDS, LOOKING SAME AS ALWAYS AND STUFF

Oh wow did Koushirou just hack the Digivices, WOW

IT IS CALAMARAMON! I KNEW IT, FUCK, I am so enjoying the Frontier/Xros Wars rep rn, thanks Toei, I wub you

Is that another nuke? Are they launching another nuke? No? Just a massive crash at a dock?

I was just gonna complain about Psi having a serious case of Takuya & Kouji Show-syndrome but if Sora and co get to deal with the threat in the Network while Taichi and Yamato are rescuing Angemon’s egg, I’ll be okay with it

Takeru, your Powers of Adorable will not save the world, I’m sorry, you’re just gonna get yourself killed and/or kill Yamato a third heart attack, PLEASE GO BACK

Holy shit METALGREYON NOOOOOOO DON’T HURT HIM LIKE NOOOOOOOO MY BABY ;A;

THAT IS A BIG EYE WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

A Digimon that was sealed away by Devimon or something? IDK it’s kinda scawy

METALGREYMON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

TAICHI PLEASE SAVE HIM ;_; YAMATO GO HELP HIM YOU WIMP

OWO WHAT'S THIS

A NEW METALGREYMON VARIANT? (Or a different Mode?)

Tbh the new cannon kida clashes with MetalGrey’s oldschool design a lil BUT IT’S FINE, IT’S COOL

Agumon deserves a nap

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

ELDORADIMON???? IS IT OH IT TOTALLY IS, RIGHT? YEAH

I love the textures on his face, the pencil strokes look really cool

EPISODE 22 WOOO

I think I’ve complained about this before but it has kinda bothered me before how the Digimon don’t have to rest or eat before entering into battle again, and like, while it’s been mostly fine up until now... Like ever since the kids entered the Fake Tokyo they have pretty much been fighting non-stop without resting or eating and like, it’s starting to get to me, their stamina to keep on fighting is a bit much and it’s just gonna keep on going until Devimon’s dead, isn’t it

How are you climbing this wall that’s this god damn steep, you are a little child HOW DO YOU HAVE THE MUSCLES FOR THIS, I’M A GROWN ASS ADULT I DON’T HAVE THE MUSCLES FOR IT

Gabumon is a sweetheart and I would die for him

Koushirou, why didn’t you have your partners evolve faster, jesus christ (like I’ll give Gomamon and Palmon a break but the other two? Jesus)

Oh that DigiEgg is getting so super corrupted, isn’t it? Oh yeah, Devimon is trying to turn Angemon into a fallen angel like him, amazing

I wish Skull Knightmon had like a personality... In fact I wish all of the enemies had personalities beyond Devimon being ominous and Orgemon dumb with lots of honor

Jyou is gonna get in such great shape from running up those stairs- he ain’t skipping Leg Day, not today

Skull Knightmon is so cool I wish he had more of a personality ;_; I wanna root for him but beyond doing cool shit he has nothing going for him

Ah, the upgrade to MetalGrey wasn’t permanent, just a temporary buff from the power of Courage

DARK KNIGHTMON! YEAAAH

I hope Eldoradimon is okay with all this chaos happening inside him; like I hope he doesn’t get an upset stomach from this

THE BABY TOLD YOU TO MOVE, SO MOVE, KNIGHTMON!

Poor Calamaramon died without ever getting a personality ;_;

How the fuck is this infact making these gigantic leaps over great distances

God Takeru you are so cute, you widdle baby you

Oh man the hightech wings really don’t fit with the punk look of WereGarurumon at all

Welp the DigiEgg got dipped in the miasma like an egg in soy sauce, Press F for Patamon, say “hi” to Tsukaimon

Oooo the egg is exploding! :D

Oh, the egg... I mean it didn’t explode but it destroy the fortress

POYOMON! :D

Devimon, are ya gonna finally show up in person

YEAHHHHHHH DEVIMON!!!! YOU LOOK SO PRETTY I MISSED YOU YOU EDGY GOTH BASTARD

OOOO DEVIMON AND ANGEMON GO BACK? THEY HAVE A HISTORY? Well this is a ship I’m into, let’s go

EPISODE 23!

DEVIMON AND ANGEMON USED TO BE FRIIIIIENDS ohhhhhhhhh I wanna know more about their history THIS IS A JUICY SHIP RIGHT HERE

Ohhh he is so OP, I love that, thanks

How’d MetalGrey and WereGaruru get the message to use the rubble as cover? Not that it worked really

Devimon can use finger beams, lovely

Sora and co should really evolve to Perfect, like they should’ve evolved earlier to begin with

OH SHIT, WE GOT EVOLUTION ALREADY! I mean it’s only Tokomon, which ain’t that useful rn, but okay

Oh Devimon just gave Tokomon this angry-ex look oh my god

I wonder if Devimon’s plan was to like, bypass the need to use humans directly to evolve, instead using the data from humans to forcibly bring forth evolution

NeoDevimon isn’t as cool and sexy as vanilla Devimon, F

Honestly I’m kinda sad he evolve to begin with because Devimon was already super OP, like he didn’t evolve because he was losing, he evolve because his ex made him angry (although I mean I guess that is funny)

Oh WereGarurumon can just do the wing thing at will? Seems OP but okay

Ah, but I know Devimon isn’t dead yet... Saw the new Digimon Bandai shared on Twitter, the new Devimon form that is VERY SEXY (IDK if this needs to be stated but I do say “sexy” here ironically)

OH, Dark Knightmon, you’re still alive? You gonna take lead from now on?

Ohohohohohoh let’s go, gimme that new Devimon

OH MAN, IT WASN’T THIS EPISODE? HE’S SHOWING UP IN THE NEXT EPISODE? Boo, now I gotta wait :(

So I saw some memes on Twitter (along with the art of the new Digi), them including Taichi dying, dark evolution, a clip from the Adventure dub finale where Agumon’s like “next time I’ll evolve into one of the Dark Masters” so like

NEXT EPISODE IS GONNA FUN, also I’m kinda unsure if I wanna watch the preview or not... Like I already know so much out-of-context so I’m afraid if the preview is gonna tell me even more to a point it gets too much, or if it should be fine...

No, I have no chill, Psi has been teasing Mugendramon to me this whole god damn time, I NEED TO KNOW IF WE GET MUGENDRAMON LIKE THE MEMES PROPHESIZED, I NEED TO KNOW

PREVIEW!

LMAO IT REALLY DOES JUST START WITH “TAICHI DIES” JKSDFHKJSDFGJSFDGHJ

OH MAN WE ARE GONNA GET MUGENDRAMON AREN’T WE

I’M SO EXCITED

ALSO DOWNDEVIMON OHOHOHHOHOHO

NEXT EPISODE IS GONNA BE GOOOD I can’t wait

[theuniversebeyondtherain]

Flower crown, fairy lights, daisies, 1975, pantone, moodboard, stars, plants, converse, lace, sunrise, overalls, combat boots, winged eyeliner, pastel, tattoos, piercings, messy bun, cry baby, grunge, old books, beaches, 11:11, painting, thunder, storms, love, clouds, coffee, marble (sorry I just can't restrain myself ahahaha)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

This morning while I was packing my things? I seriously can’t restrain myself, even when my voice was completely broken I sang a bit :3

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

Too many things... Maybe I’d want to know it make it through my studies or if I can achieve my dreams to become a writer and to open my own bookshop ? Or maybe i’ll just ask it if my beloved cat if happy where he is now, or if I could have done something more to help before he died...

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Hum..... Being alive I guess? Though I ca’t really say I’m in good health but at least I’m here, happy and alive with my friends and my family?

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Two days ago, I went shopping with my mom. It had been a very long time since I went with her. It made me very happy to do that with her. (since I live in a different city I usually go with my friends, @le-rire-des-etoiles I’ll always remember when you shut the curtain closed while saing “HIDE” xD It was so true !!!

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

Wow I’ve got like 4 ppl that came up to my mind rn... Which one should I chose :3 I’ll start with the first one that appeared to me. She has long brown hairs (she’ll never do anything to them I tried to convince her to die them in green for a night with a perfectly nice hair coloring which didn’t last more that one shampoo but I’m still trying xD). She has some rectangular glasses because she doesn’t see very well with her brown eyes. She’s kinda small (smaller than me and I consider myself as a Hobbit xD), but as we say, everything small is cute! She’s very energic, she works in a school with some small children. She’s passionate about everything she does, which goes from friends, to work, parties and family. She’s a veeeery bad loser when we play (she can throw the cards at your face when we play Uno xD very funny actually) and we don’t always agree but it’s always nice because we can talk about almost everything without going into a big fight. But still, when she has an opinion, it’s almost impossible to make her changer her mind or even accept you have a different opinion, but it’s almost always on un-important subjects so it’s not a big deal. She’s very friendly and a very good cook too, even if shes kinda desperate that I can’t really make decisions, and I really love her.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Yep, it was hard sometimes, but when I consider my friends childhoods, I definitly have a happy one.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

Last night? We were watching a singing contest at the TV and we tarted crying like babies in front of one man... Still, amazing moment.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

@snarky-goldfish, @le-rire-des-etoiles and another friend who’s not on tumblr (Xao) because I can’t do that without all of them. They’re the best bunch of friends I’ve ever had and stargazing without all three of them wouldn’t be as fun as it would be with the three of them. @snarky-goldfish would go for the sarcastic or the sexual inuendues, @le-rire-des-etoiles would roll her eyes but go for it with a bunch of fun facts about it, and Xao and I would just listen and laugh while thinking about very sexual things that don’t belong there because we have a dirty mind xD

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

I had once, and we became friends xD But that’s not a thing I normally do, I guess it just depend of the feeling I have with this person?

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

It was like two weeks ago I think ? I was sick AF and so was my best friends so we start chitchatting instead of sleeping because we’re fucked up like that xD

sunrise:pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.” Troye Sivan.

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Go in vacation and fuck this world I guess? XD

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I am, I don’t know how to keep a grudge against someone for a long time. But I learned to be less forgiving or at least, even if I can forgive I never forget. But being always angry about someone is exhausting and I have better things to do.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Hum.... Let’s pass this one darling because I’ve already wrote a novel with the answers and I still have like the half to go xD But I can do that in another post :P

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

OMG definitely punk xD I love pastels too, but I’m more like punk and colors everywhere (even if they don’t belong together).

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I love tatoos, I’d love to get one but I’m afraid of needles xD And I’m not against piercings even if I won’t have it, It’s leaves marks and I have already enough of them.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Not a lot of but I do wear make up. I like to cover my scars, I’m quite insecure about them.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

But in times of crisis, the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

OMG that’s gonna be a long one... Let’s begin : Sting (in which he reformed The Police, it was fucking amazing), Tokio Hotel, twice (I loved them and it was some very good concerts), Katy PErry (She was very nice actually), Silbermond (in some ancients roman ruins, I loved it), Tiger Lilies (freak show, scary but amazing), Queen, the Musical (not FReddy Mercury but still great), Within Temptation, twice too (first one was beautiful, the second much less because they wanted us to be seated like WTF), Tarja Turunen (I’m still crying because it was beautiful, and the drummer was amazing), Nightwish, three times (I WANNA GO AGAIN !!!!), Nickelback (I was in the first raw thanks to a friend, it was amazing!!!). Imagine Dragons (Loved it even if I drank a bit too much vodka), Robin des Bois (Loved it and cried a bit), The Script (Still there, once of the most beautiful ones), and I’m going to see Fall Out Boy next week :D

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

I really don’t know...

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I saw a porno for the first time when I was 10 and it actually really trauamtized me.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Purple/pink because I already tried all the natural colors and I like the purple best :P

11:11:name three wishes and why you wish for them.

Well, it’s said that if we talk about our whishes they don’t come true... So i’ll better stay quiet ;)

painting:what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Hum..... Two years ago, a friend of mine tried to put make up on me so I would look like the black swann in the Black Swan movie... I ended up as the Joker and it was faaaaar more fun !

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Kill or abuse someone.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Never give up on your dreams from Two Steps From Hell because it’s freaking inspiring and also it doesn’t have lyrics so I won’t grow tired of the voice or anything... But for the one person I’ll end up with the rest of my life... I can’t choose. Normally I would have said my cat but since he’s not here anymore.... I really don’t know ^^

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

Yes I have. It’s like having a bunch of butterflies in the stomach... I didn’t really understood what was happening to me and the next thing I knew was that I was always smiling and feeling happy. I blushed a lot too but it’s kinda normal for me xD I don’t reallly know what it felt when I realised it, I was just really happy and I wanted to share my happiness too. It wa like seeing the sun everyday even if it was raining. It was the first time I was in love so yeah... it sounds a bit childish ^^

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Fuck yeah I’m a girl and I’ve gone with realy short hair in which I put some hair gel for years ! Even if I’m strating to let them grow now (the last one was too short, they were like 5mms long at the back... too short), I’ll always like short hair :D

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

Well given that I don’t like coffee, I’ll say they’re iced green tea... But It’s trust @snarky-goldfish and @le-rire-des-etoiles to order me something because they know me by heart and they’ll go for something I wouldn’t have even try (and mostly liked) without them.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

Writing. I’m fed up with my studies and I really need a way to clear my mind and not t explode. So writing it is ! Because I’ll always like it more than sports xD

So here you go Sweetheart @roxas-j-frost ! There was a hell lot of questions but I’ve managed to answer them all !! Yeepee !!! I really had fun with that and I hope you’ll like my answers !!!

[ac-ars]

I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

okay i know it’s been a long time, but i am lazy procrastinating trash and what can i do?? the good news is i passed math and i can continue my studies (what im doing rn and already regret that)

that’s all about this rant, it all is a mess yet i hope you like it and dont worry this story is gonna end soon (i’d say very soon but again, procrastinating ass) + proofread who?

all chapters before

“There’s this legend telling about beginning of the universe, when everything was created. It says that atoms were created and spread around entire universe missing those atoms they were created with. Since then these atoms are wandering aroung the universe looking for their close ones, hoping they will find one day and some of them are hidden in people. So it means people are unconsciously looking for someone in entire universe, hoping that their atoms find each other one day.”

“Is that all, or is there something more?”

“Now matter how far they are, they always find a way.”

Chapter 9 /or/ about conversations, chats and debates

Matteo feels like shit.

He has no idea what to do with his life and how to live it right now, because once Luna’s eyes lie on him, she frowns and turns around, leaving the place as soon as possible. He actually feels worse than shit; he feels like trash flowing through the space without destination in the very black cosmos, probably flying towards some big ass star who will burn him. Maybe that’s better; being burned by star is better than being constantly burned alive by angry look of Simón Alvarez, the first puppy boy on Earth, as he is protecting his best friend who got hurt by evil forces.

Balsano knows what he pulled and he knows why he did that, but he’s not sure how to take it all together. This was like ultimate dick move, the thing he pulled even without knowing he was pulling that. She overheard of course in the wrong moment and he still can’t believe this. And then he ran after her, fully knowing that she is going to throw some wild shit at him, but she was surprisingly not so out of control, even if he deserved it.

The only thing that Matteo has definitely not in his grasp is the fact that he got impossibly angry out of nowhere; just like this and as soon as Luna left he was at sad peace again.

Now he is just lying in his bed with Ámbar on his right side while Gastón is sitting by the desk keeping his feet on it. Matteo doesn’t even have power to tell him to put them into his ass, away from his desk.

He covers his eyes with his arm, completely done with life and himself, his friends are talking about some shit, but Italian isn’t listening at all. Ámbar is probably cursing at Gastón for not chilling him the night after the date, while Perida is trashing blonde for being an asshole. Nothing new and nothing Matteo would like to listen to.

He is almost asleep, but he can’t really focus on just sleeping because those two suckers started talking louder.

“Shut the fuck up for a second. I want to sleep,” he growls and Ámbar kicks his ankle.

“We are trying to figure out how to save your ugly ass from shit you pulled on everyone around,” she snorts back and Matteo pouts.

“My ass isn’t ugly.” Gastón giggles at this, hiding his face in his hands, trying to avoid Matteo’s look as Italian continues. “You have never found my ass ugly, Ámbar.”

“But your inside is ugly and it makes you ugly.”

“You are ugly then too.” Perida smiles and blonde shows him middle finger. “We all are ugly guys, but stop with that foreplay, because Matteo here fell for a girl and fucked it up in the most stupid way ever-” said Matteo wants to get up, but Ámbar slaps him in the chest and he stays chill, letting Gastón continue, “- while our dear blondie here made out with guitarist when you were on your date, if I recall correctly.”

Ámbar chokes almost falling from the bed, but Balsano pulls her back with her wrist. “You never mentioned that, little queen.” He pokes her on the ribs and she curses at Gastón. “What the hell, how do you even know that?”

Perida grins at her, lacing his fingers to look somehow like professional boss or some shit, but the fact his feet are still on Matteo’s desk ruin the picture. “I know you have his beanie in your locker. And I don’t need to tell you how do I know. Tell us more important thing, does he kiss better than Matteo?”

“No one kisses better than me, bro.” Mentioned Matteo snorts and turns to Ámbar, waiting for her to answer.

She just looks at him with uninterested eyes and bitter face. “I kiss better than you, idiot. Besides, this is ridiculous. Leave me alone.” Her lips turn into small pout as she crosses her arms.

“I can’t agree with that, Ámbar. But don’t worry, you are close second from what I can tell.”

Gastón grins and sends them a wink. Matteo giggles and blonde girl has to shake her head at those two morons. “Since we already know who kisses how well, we should focus on pulling Balsano away from title of worst-almost-boyfriend of the year.”

“Could you please stop asking, Simón? I am really tired of thinking about this. Not to mention you can ask Nina, she knows it all.” Luna sighs, playing with the pencil as they three are sitting in the kitchen of Benson mansion. Girls are doing — or trying to do their homework, but it fails big time when Alvarez boy keeps attempting to find out what happened with Matteo the other day.

“I need to hear it from you, maybe Nina will mess some facts?” he asks poking her cheek with another pencil and she lets her head fall to the notebook. “I doubt that. More likely I would mess something than Nina.”

He wants to say something but Luna jumps up before he manages to. “Those exercises are  more important that being sad.” She shakes her head violently, making her hair bounce around her face and tickling her nose.

“Luna, if you want to talk-” Nina starts softly, covering Luna’s hand with her fingers softly, yet Valente keeps denying stubbornly. “There is no need, please. I just need to focus on something else while you are reminding me about this all the time.” Brunette sighs, Simón nods and Luna sighs with relief.

She really needs some distraction. At least here; at home, where there is no Matteo Balsano, no messed soulmate drama and definitely no broken hearts. There is just smell of food her mom has been preparing for dinner today, warmth and love of her friends. At this point that’s all Luna needs and she is going to be happy. The faster she gets over asshole Italian the better, no matter how much pain it’s giving her. She can’t show outside that it hurts like bitch all the time, especially after her father kept growling around that he was gonna deal with this rude boy as soon as he sees him. Knowing Matteo they won’t see each other for long time so hopefully her father will forget about his revenge plans, because getting accused of damaging teenage boy, even if he hurt his little princess, would look really bad in his files.

This week has been a mess. Real, real mess, no matter how many days have passed, she still feels like in that very moment when she heard what he really feels. And despite the fact Luna was waiting for him to say anything, to text her or just smile after their date, now she regrets her curiosity, regrets that she told him about soulmates and somehow regrets feeling everything so hard that at the very end she is all broken, shattered and she can’t get enough of the glue to put herself together.

Not that she doesn’t manage daily life, because surprisingly she really does. In class she manages to focus, and if not, Nina nudges her from time to time, or pokes, and Luna is back, away from Matteo thoughts. The same on the rink; she’s working and helping people with skating what actually helps, well, until Matteo ends up on the rink as well, but it doesn’t happen often in last days. Seems like he is avoiding her and Luna doesn’t mind that at all, no matter how much her heart screams for him longing for his touch and smile.

Only her parents seem to not accept the fact she needs to get over him. Her mother keeps sending her small sad looks, while her dad is all about his questions and reminding her to not think about the boy, what doesn’t really help, but whatever really at this point.

It’s not that Luna regrets Matteo himself. It was actually fun and she remembers it all well, happy and as positive, good time they spent together. They just finished not in the way she expected it to finish.

Yes, she has expectations. Pretty high, if you ask, but who wouldn’t after time of good friendship, not to mention that his attitude on the date was like proof that he likes her too, that he wants it to be something else; not really friendship and Luna doesn’t regret giving him the chance. She has some cute memories after him and even if she can’t look at him currently, it was nice to have him for her own just for little time and spend with him few pleasing moments she can repeat and repeat in her head before sleep, ignoring the way her brain tells her to stop.

Nina nudges her in the ribs and she jumps looking around. “What?” Just after this she notices her father leaning his hands against the table and watching her with worry in his eyes. “Are you okay? I hope you aren’t thinking of that rude boy again.” He throws as a joke and Luna smiles softly, shaking her head. Miguel moves bouncing curl of her hair behind her ear as corners of his mouth curl up slightly.  

“Of course not, dad, I was trying to solve math problem. Do you want to help me?” Luna feels half bad for pulling this on her dad, but she needs him to stop asking about Matteo, no matter how well he intends. She can’t have everyone asking about him.

“Do I look like someone who would want to do math?” Miguel laughs tapping tip of her nose gently and making Luna giggle, before he leaves her with Nina and Simón.

“You know what,” Alvarez starts while brushing his chin with his fingers, looking somehow thrice as smart as he is, “I know what to do to make you happy.”

Luna sighs and scrunches her nose in cute way. “What are you gonna do then?” she asks, but he just grins and winks at her. “That’s a secret, my friend.”

Nina snorts.

Matteo sighs, mixing his smoothie with the straw, totally tired after another sleepless night, classes at Blake and he doesn’t even feel like skating recently. He is waiting for Gastón to come here, but the asshole is late for like fifteen minutes and Matteo starts to feel impatient and annoyed.

He feels someone patting on his shoulder, so he turns around, yet as soon as he notices Simón puppy Alvarez watching him with those weird eyes, Matteo wants to get up, leave and not come back. Ever.

“I don’t have time for conversations,” he just murmurs under his breath, but guitarist apparently manages to hear that. Damn him.

“Well, no one here tells you to talk to me. You are going to listen.” Simón pouts in very Luna way, and it makes Matteo’s heart skip a beat lowkey, because he misses Luna’s pouts and her smiles and, shit, everything of her.

“What am I supposed to listen? If you want to punch me or some shit, just do it and leave me alone.”

Alvarez snorts at him, shaking his head and crossing his arms. “I’m sure it’s not necessary, because you already look like someone punched you. And Luna wouldn’t really appreciate this way of support from me, so we will leave punching for someone else, okay?” He sits in front of Balsano. “I think you have a problem, Matteo.”

Italian frowns, totally surprised, because one, he doesn’t look that bad, two, he still thinks Luna wouldn’t mind her friend punching him and three, what problem? That’s what he asks.

“I have a problem? Maybe you care to explain me, since I am too dense today apparently.”

Simón chuckles with small nod, his beanie moves weirdly and Matteo is sure it’s going to fall from his head, but it doesn’t. “I haven’t met someone so bad at showing any emotions. Maybe except Ámbar, but she’s hardcore case.”

Matteo snorts at the mention of Ámbar, fully knowing that this guy made out with her few days ago, and it somehow makes him forget about the first part of the sentence, yet he goes back to it after a moment and feels offended as fuck. “I am not bad. What is the point of this conversation even?”

Mexican guy sighs dramatically, playing with his pick necklace. “Not that I’m trying to hate on you, because I am a nice person, but you need to chill your ass with this whole questioning everything. Especially when it comes to feel something.”

This is ridiculous, the day came, guitarist is giving him advice in love life, or feelings, whatever. He is doing that and Matteo suddenly feels super flat, like water spreading around the table before falling from it with small drops, because deep down, in this small tiny hidden part, he knows that Simón is right; he knows Luna better than Balsano does at this point and he knows how to handle her.

“I want to clear things out, because from what I know, they aren’t really clear. At one moment you throw some shit that you have no idea what you feel, but later you keep sending Luna longing stares and she, fortunately, doesn’t see most of them. I do though, and I can’t really catch what you want, Matteo. If you feel, or feel that you feel something to her, just fix this shit, if you don’t, just leave her alone, okay?”

Matteo looks at him surprised. He managed to say it all with calm, yet sure tone. There was no threat actually, no curses and no hate words. That’s not what Italian would expect after this all, because Ámbar trashed him as fuck, Gastón wasn’t commenting anything while Simón Alvarez out of all people was chill and explained calmly what he expects from him before completely casually walking to his best friend, pulling her towards the stage along with guitar and playing some probably new song. Luna is grinning and singing from time to time, and she looks happy.

Matteo wants her to be happy.

“So you say that Matteo regrets that?” Luna asks him with skeptical face and Gastón can’t really blame her, because he wouldn’t believe that either if he weren’t in the middle or this war zone. When it comes to Balsano you can really call his problems war zone.

“Yes. I am his best friend so I know everything firsthand.” He smiles and nudges her as they are walking towards her class in Blake, after he very politely offered walking her there. “Besides, you can not believe him, but why wouldn’t you believe me?”

Luna giggles shaking her head and leaning it softly towards his shoulder (he offered her his arm before, that’s how much of a gentleman he is). “Gastón, you are super cute, and a great friend, but if Matteo felt bad he would’ve come to me and talk.”

He laughs a little, pulling his arm from her grasp and wrapping it around her shoulders. “Luna, my dear Luna, the stargirl to Matteo’s starboy, do you really think he would just come and talk?”

Brunette frowns at him softly, but doesn’t move away from him. “I mean that’s actually the only thing to do if he feels bad. That’s what normal people do. And Matteo is big boy, he doesn’t need to send me his best friend so I will consider running back to him.” She pouts a little and Gastón panics.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, she seems almost, almost annoyed and this is a bad way to solve things. If Matteo knew that he went to talk to Luna, he would rip his head away and then make out of it popcorn bowl for Ámbar. No exaggerating of course here, Perida isn’t any guy to be dramatic, but he knows Balsano enough.

“Luna, listen.” Gastón stops her in one place, no matter that they are in the middle of the hallway; he made sure Ámbar took Matteo the other way, so he never finds out about the conversation. His hands rest on Luna’s shoulders and she frowns at him in really cute way. “My idiot best friend has no idea that I am talking to you.”

She looks at him weirdly, but then there is this tiny blink of disappointment in her eyes. “Oh, I get it. So why are you even trying if he doesn’t seem to be wanting to be even friends with me?”

“Fuck,” Gastón mumbles, shaking his head, because he has no fucking idea how to handle Luna. Apparently she gets what he wants to tell in wrong way, in the way he doesn’t want her to see. He just wants her to understand that Matteo is stupid shit, who doesn’t know what he wants and ruins it because he is scared of ruining it, what actually doesn’t make sense, but he comes from Italy so Gastón guesses this is some family/Italian thing.

“I’m sorry.” He starts again. “Let’s stay by damn, cursing while talking to lady is rude.” Valente giggles and he sighs with relief once or twice, being super dramatic. He likes this tiny girl and he knows that she is perfect for Matteo, like not this cheesy, sappy perfect, but the perfect, if you know what he means of course. “It’s just because he is sad. I don’t want him to be sad.” Gastón pouts, brushing his fingers through his hair and Luna smiles softly.

“I know you don’t want him to. I don’t want him to be sad either, because I care about him no matter how rude he was, but if he wants to do anything with me he should just be a big guy and talk to me.”

Perida sighs loudly while Luna is smiling at him without any break. This is super weird honestly; he had no idea that talking to her would be so difficult.

The thing is that she is right. Matteo should come to her instead of playing the victim and barely talking to anyone. Well, maybe not playing a victim thing, but acting like it; he keeps complaining and he’s not able to sleep, eating only when someone tells him to. Not to mention those longing stares Balsano keeps sending towards Luna as if she was the one to kick him in the face, or something.

Gastón lets out the air slowly. “You’re right, but I just wanted you to know that he didn’t really mean this all.”

She frowns. “He didn’t?”

He shakes his head. “No. I mean yes, he did, but not in the way you think.”

Valente crosses her arms and keeps frowning. “Then explain it to me.”

“It’s just…” he hesitates, not wanting to sell Matteo like this, he’s gonna be mad as fuck, but on the other side Gastón wants to do it, because maybe it will help at the very end.

Welp, you only live once, don’t you?

And your idiot best friend does as well.

“He is scared.” Perida spills and Luna just keeps blinking at him with surprise. “Scared of what?”

“Scared that he will screw up.”

Luna snorts a little, covering her mouth with her hand. “Well, I would say that he’s able to see the future.”

Even Gastón giggles at this, though after a second he is back to being serious. “Listen, he’s never really had a girlfriend like this. He had been hooking up around or something and then you happened and he had no idea how to handle this.”

Luna stares at him with parted lips. “Handle what?”

“That he likes you.” Gastón mumbles with soft voice and, sadly, as soon as brunette opens her mouth to say something, the bell rings. Both of them growl and Perida can just smile and leave after kissing top of her head.

Before their class Matteo asks him where he was, but he just says that nowhere, ignoring curious stares from Ámbar.

His hands are shaking, because he is going to do something what could (possibly) fuck him up in every way until the very end of the world. And as dramatic as it sounds, this is true truth and Matteo Balsano can’t recall being so stressed ever before. He fixes his shirt again, rolling up his sleeves neatly and takes few deep breaths before knocking the door.

At first, it seems that he knocked too quietly, he feels almost relieved about that, and he is about to turn around and leave when the door opens. Matteo was sure that Miguel Valente will not be glad of him visiting, but well, he’s already here, right?

“Good afternoon,” Matteo mumbles, anxious as hell, and hoping that he won’t get kicked out.

“Luna’s not here yet.” Luna’s father just answers and wants to close the door, but Italian can’t really let him do this. “I’m sorry, I’m not here for Luna. Not yet.”

Miguel frowns at him very, very much. Matteo wants to go home. “So why are you here if not for Luna?”

Balsano softly clears his throat. “I came here to talk… about something important, I believe.”

Luna’s dad opens his mouth but Monica pushes him aside and smiles a little seeing Matteo, who suddenly feels better and safer when she seems to be positive about his visit.

“Matteo.” Her smile grows. He has no idea why; he did hurt her daughter and said many ugly things, yet she is actually warm to him. “Miguel, I hope you weren’t holding this boy here for long.” She turns to her husband before looking at Matteo again. “Come on in, I will make some tea.”

It’s actually weird to be sitting by the kitchen counter in Benson mansion where he’s never really been before. Ámbar has never been fond of sitting in the kitchen so he’s never pushed, but now it feels normal and natural; it’s lowkey Luna’s place and her parents work here mostly, and he can see that it’s not this fancy cooking place like at his or Gastón’s place. Here it’s warm, there’s always nice smell around and right now he is sitting over some tea, the scent seems great so Matteo truly believes it is going to be tasty as soon as it cools down a little.

Monica throws Miguel out of the room when he keeps staring angrily at Matteo, though it’s not like he minds. Miguel’s curses are nothing compared to those coming from Ámbar. Luna’s mom smiles at him, as if she knows that he has a problem and he has this impression that one warm, soft look from her will solve all bad things on the world. His mother never really tried to solve his problems, but in this very moment Italian knows that it’s mostly his fault after being always so closed from his parents.

He is gonna work on it when he fixes this.

“So, Matteo,” Monica starts, leaning against the counter and playing with her mug. “I heard that you came here to talk. Is it maybe Luna connected?” She asks and he chuckles a little, because this woman actually is ready to try to help him with his problems and he can’t believe this at all; does he even deserves this?

“Well, yes.” He mumbles. “Me and Luna, we had a fight recently.”

She nods at him taking slow sip of her tea and sighs. “I know, she told me.” Matteo closes his eyes, but she continues. “And she told me why.”

Balsano chokes a little, just a tiny bit. For a second he feels like Monica is going to spill her tea on his head and another moment he realizes that he should spend less time with Ámbar Smith and her killer ideas.

“I would lie if I said that I am surprised.” He just says with small shrug, staring at tea in his cup and sighs.

“If you are here, I believe that something changed since that day.”

Matteo moves his eyes to her after an impulse. “Actually yes. I need to apologize.” When he says it out loud it feels more real, he is more sure of it and it feels actually so nice. It’s fresh feeling and new, and Monica smiles at him even more before giving him a nod. “So if you want to say sorry, shouldn’t you be talking to Luna?” She laughs at him a little and he can’t help but laugh with her.

“Yes, yes. There is this thing following me all the time, though.” Matteo tries his tea and feels immediately warmer. “I mean, I know Luna told me that it doesn’t have to… That it’s not… That’s it shouldn’t…” He keeps stuttering and Monica takes the plate with cookies from another counter, places it by his cup and sits next to him.

“I know what you mean, it’s fine.” She nods. “Luna wasn’t really into telling me anything, especially next to her dad who knows like nothing about this, but eventually she told me what happened.”

Matteo almost jumps on his chair. “I know, and it was stupid, I know that and I came here without thinking before, but you are the source of the story Luna knows and-” she interrupts him. “And you want to know how it works that you like her. Am I right?”

He hesitates, because it would be admitting for the first time out loud that he likes Luna.

It’s definitely too late for this, so not giving it a second thought, Matteo nods softly and Monica smiles.

“Drink your tea. It will be cold soon.” She points at his mug and there is no way he is gonna not do something Monica tells him to. “I’m sure that you googled what soulmate means.” She waits for him to confirm, and when he hums, she continues. “And I’m sure you know that it’s really written there ‘a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner’ is it something like that’?”

“Yes.” Matteo answers and she smiles, frowning a little. “Then why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. I just need to hear it when I��m in my senses, I guess.”

Monica sighs, taking a sip of her tea. “I never really believed in this story. Who would? It was just pretty thing to tell my baby daughter when she didn’t want to sleep. It’s not like I made it, because I heard it many times before and it was such great story that I couldn’t not tell it Luna.”

Matteo says nothing, not wanting to interrupt, but she pauses to take a cookie. “There’s not much to read about it in the internet, probably because American scientist never cared about this, but who would trust American scientists?” She laughs and he can only chuckle with her.

“Anyway, it starts at the very beginning of the world, of the universe, like everyone says it was the Big Bang, everything got created. After the initial expansion, the universe cooled sufficiently to allow the formation of subatomic particles, and later simple atoms. Those subatomic particles built up into atoms, then made the stars and galaxies. But some of them just got thrown into the space and somehow ended up in very different parts of universe. That’s probably completely not science connected, though the atoms “decided” to find each other no matter where the others are.” Monica looks at him, as if she’s checking if he still listens to her. Ha, like he’d ever be able to not listen to her. That would be super rude.

“Well,” Matteo starts when she doesn’t continue. “This sounds very smart and very complicated. Like why did they even ended up in some people? It’s not like people have been there since the very beginning.”

Luna’s mom nods and smiles again. So much smiling at him today. “Yes, but I never said that atoms went to people immediately. They could be part of some star before, now dead star and came with the rest of the matter said star spread around after collapse. You know, Matteo, that nothing here is so permanent or stable.”

Italian hums, looking at his cup and sighs. “So it could be also this that they happened to be at one place by accident?”

She thinks it over and frowns a little, but nods eventually. “Yes, but also some can be from old binary star. They can be from anywhere and it’s really no rule, no guessing for that. The point is that in this whole story there is no word about the relationship between two people. There’s mentioned only that they are bound to meet, even if they can never do this of course, but the character of their relation will always be whatever they decide.” Monica pauses for a second to take small breath in and for a cookie. “Do you understand that, Matteo? Do you know what to do with it now?”

He smiles at her widely and nods. “Yeah. I think I know.”

[unicornninjabitch]

Follower: literally no one asked for a depressing ass life update

Me; …… lol you wild anyways

I hate not being able to ask for help and i hate not being able to stand up for myself. Growing up i was thrown into a lot of fights between my parents and i always felt like i had to pick a side and stick to it and i usually sided with my mom for reasons we dont gotta get into rn so me and my mom have been super close like my whole life. She was all I had for most of my life because i was a kid playing parent since my mom worked a lot and my dad wanted to do whatever he wanted, so imagine little me barely out of elementary school trying to make sure my 5 year old brother is doing homework and the angry 8 year old isnt being a complete asshole to the 5 year old. I never really got to just be a kid cause i was making sure the house wouldnt fall apart under our feet, so now that im being thrown to the wolves as far as growing up goes I don’t think its fair that when i ask for help i get looked down on and belittled and get looked at like im some stupid kid, like, i was never allowed to just be a stupid kid so how come now that im 18 and dont know how to do everything immediately am i suddenly a stupid kid who probably cant make it in the real world? Its bullshit and not fair. Tbh its not just that i cant ask for help with cause growing up i thought asking for help meant weakness and i had to be strong cause i was the oldest and asking for help meant stressing out my mom even more than she was cause she had a hard time putting food on the table by herself.

As for standing up for myself, okay i havent hidden that my mom hasnt been supportive in any way after i came out cause i try to cover it up with humor, but like, she was my best friend for so many years when i had no one else to lean on (and thats a story for another day tbfh) she was like all i had. She was supportive of my writing even when it sucked and when i wanted to be a teacher but its like she did a 180 or some shit. Okay so when i switched to wanting to do psych she was kinda like “okay but make sure a certificate will be transferable or whatever” and one time i said how i THOUGHT about MAYBE doing english as a major cause i love writing and i thought maybe i could start up a publishing company that mostly published books centered around minorities cause that seemed like something id enjoy tbh, but she shitted all over even the thought of majoring in english just like “What job could you possibly get with an english degree?” and her friend, with an english degree, told me an English degree is basically useless and like??yes i understand english isnt the most employable degree but maybe i want more to life than a job, maybe i wanted to do something im passionate about or something (dont get me wrong im really passionate with my current career path but still it was an idea i was really into and wanted to learn more about and i still wanna double major but besides the point) I couldnt even explaing why i was thinking about that major i kinda defulted to head down, shoulders drop, say “yeah maybe you gotta point” and like thats not fair to me i dont think. That was the start of the slippery slope of her becoming more and more unsupportive with everything i do. I didnt apply to that many schools and most the final 2 were Elizabethtown College and University of Bridgeport, Etown was way more expensive and i kinda didnt want to go there tbh but they said i could apply for free so i did. Now for college i did EVERYTHING myself. I looked up colleges, compared prices and scholarships, took notes on all the majors and minors i thought i could want, applied on my own and anything else I did by myself. Looking back i realize i probably shouldve applied to more schools or looked more at the professors or something, but i didnt cause i didnt know to, but she gave me such a hard time with UB. She complained about everything about it until i finally said “fine ill just go to county and then Rutger or something” (which isnt a bad plan and wouldve saved me a shit ton of money but i wanted to get tf away from jersey) Thats when she said fine and said she’d help financially (even though the loans getting transfered to my name after i graduate but okay). So there was kinda a wedge in our relationship but nothing huge we were still pretty close but we just ignored certain subjects like school and shit. Then in the summer she gave me hell for not working like we agreed i wouldnt work during the school year cause i speant so much of junior year wanting to kill myself and was so fucking depressed we, as in the both of us, decieded on that, than in the VERY begining of summer i broke my fucking ankle, so i couldnt really walk anywhere and i dont drive (side note, i hate when driving gets brought up because just sitting behind the wheel gives me so much anxiety, like yes its a good skill to have but i cant drive so please leave me alone i hate myself for it enough) Plus i speant a majority of the summer super depressed and anxiety ridden and kinda scared about a lot of stuff.So it was nice to hear i was lazy and ungrateful when somedays it took everything to get out of bed to feed myself let alone clean up around the house. Also as a certified Millennial™  I cover my self hatred and depression with jokes and memes o the one day i make a joke about it and she said “you dont really hate yourself, you wouldnt know what that feels like” Okay 1. I most definetly hate myself just cause i dont walk around super edgy and emo doesnt mean i stopped critizing my every action, just cause you dont notice me not letting myself eat/eating everything in sight doesnt mean i dont wish i looked like literally anything else. No i hate myself i just cover it up so fuck off.

Then theres coming out (which gets its own paragraph cause its a fucking mess). I came up via a letter that i left in her room and she didnt say anything for maybe a week so i speant a week with my defult being panic attack or “maybe everythings gonna be okay i mean she hasnt really said my name i dont think and maybe everythings okay and youre just freaking out for nothing” but nope we had a talk and if you dont know apperently you have to know right out of the womb that your trans. My moms best friend has a niece whos trans and she was given so much shit from the adults in her life just and still does (this kids literally 14 and they treat the poor girl like such shit its awful) and i was never into sterotypical “boy things”. I didnt like sports other than soccer but only for fun, I was very much the quiet kid who usually had his nose in a book, so i think that mixed with seeing this little girl treated like trash by people we both loved and looked up to (cause my moms best friends family is kinda like a second family to me) i never thought that could ever be me. Later in life i questioned my sexuality and looking at a bunch of terms and things some of them related to me, but i thought no ill put that on the back burner for now just cause maybe im just projecting/thinking about it too much rn. Then even later in life Kate came out to me and we talked and i noticed some similarities in what she said to what i felt, so i looked up terms and definitions and took online quizzes almost all day everyday to figure out what was going on with me. Almost as long as i known Kate shes been my safe person, especially with this just in case I realized no this isnt who i am or whatever, but either way Kate was a huge support and great person to rely on and my fears and other stuff. After more constant quizzes and reading and asking myself if i just wanted to be a *~special snowflake~* and testing waters and shit I decieded yes this is who i am...shit im gonna have to come out. My mom basically said “you arent trans, youre making this up and being ridiculous. Im not calling you that name and i wont call you he/him and that hurt a lot. Like she didnt even say Alexander she said “whatever name you put”. Mind you im absolutely heart broken cause i thought if anyone my mom would be supportive. She offered if Kate ever wanted she could crash with us and she calls her best friends niece the right name, but when it came to me she thought it was fake. Now at this point im trying not to cry out loud and im clenching my jaw so hard it hurt till the next afternoon. I dont know if its just me or what, but it feels like after that shes rubbing it in. It feels like shes using my birth name more and saying she/her and shit. She also acted like i was an idiot like i know that changing my name is a process, but she also said if any of my college stuff had Alexander on it she wouldnt help pay for it which really hurt. I really try to ignore/avoid her just cause it hurts less than figurative slaps to the face its like, *slap* girl, *slap* birthname, *slap* liar, *slap* making it up, *slap* thats not how it works, *slap* youre being disrespectful as hell, *slap* you arent a boy *fucking uppercut*, but i cant always ignore her which leads to tonight.

My cousins had like a little party for their birthday and it was awful for me (in their defense im not out to them but still it makes me super uncomfortable but its not their fault really). We looked at baby pictures so it was a lot of “omg look how pretty you were” and “oh my goodness i love that dress you look so beautiful there” Then my hair, of course got brought up and people were like “oh you know girls are so much prettier with long hair” and “when are you gonna grow it back out like hers?” (cause you know girls HAVE to have long hair *sarcasm*) so i just kinda awkwardly laugh and change the subject. Of course my moms pointing out all the pictures of me in a dress or with long hair or whatever. Then it was super fun picture time!! I hate pictures (that i dont take cause those are under my control and shit) for a lot of reasons. I always feel like i look fat and i notice everything thats “feminine” about my body and we already went over the self hate thing but still i hate pictures and im visibly uncomfortable while theyre happening. Someone says “oh stop youll love them in 20 years” like or ill hate them cause ill remember being so uncomfortable and so ready to walk home and ill remember not being able to forget that my whole family will probably always think im a girl no matter what i do. Then we get on to college. Im the first to go to college and everyone was like where are you going, what are you majoring in blah blah blah. So i answer their questions and be a polite kid. And everytime someone asked when i was leaving my mom jumped on it “3 weeks from today!!” like shit so by the end of the night my binders starting to get uncomfortable, im socially tired, ive been uncomfortable for 20 minutes, and im hating the amount of hugs im getting cause i can feel my boobs more than and shit. So someone said something about me leaving so i was like “you still have like a month” and of course my mom goes “3 weeks!!” so im fucking annoyed by everything and like just ready to go to CT now so im like “we get it your counting down the days i leave” and she got an attitude so i turn to my uncle and say im about to make it 2 weeks and shes like how about 1? So i just shrug and say okay bye like im unfazzed right now. Then we go drop my brother off at our dads and as soon as we pull away shes yelling at me about my “attitude lately” like what??!! Youve ruined so much for me lately im allowed to be angry! You destroyed my confidence about coming out. You made me feel like something was wrong with me. YOU completely destroyed our relationship and maybe i did too, but you know what?! Im completely justified in being uncomfortable around you! When my 14 year old brother (who has been really amazing and apologized for having to call me my birth name which he didnt have to cause he knew im only out to a handful of people but it was still sweet of him) asked how you were about this you said what you said to me which is fucking bullshit!! Youve treated me like shit lately and youll walk in and start nagging/complaining/yelling at me cause you dont know how to handle your angry which ive delt with for so fucking long!! Like when am i allowed to be mad at you?! When am i allowed to say no ive had it with your bullshit?!! But of course i dont know how to actual articulate this without a huge fight going off cause those just trigger a huge anxiety attack and shit and screaming and fighting is something i avoid at almost every cost because its scary to me fo a million and three reasons. Like im so ready to burry my ass in debt just to keep out of this house like i dont want to be anywhere near here. I dont wanna come home ever. I want to stay in CT forever just so i dont have to deal with this shit which i know probably isnt healthy but whatever i dont care anymore she gives me so much shit i dont care.

But i still feel guilty i guess. Ive never been ANGRY at my mom, i rarely fought with her, she was always my rock and i know what certain holidays, mostly Christmas, mean to her, but i dont know if i can bring myself to come home just to be around her so much and fall back into being called my birthname or she/her or whatever. I dont know i feel bad not wanting to come home because the boys moved in with our dad (which i cant do for reasons that dont need to be talked about atm) and i dont want to make her sad cause shes my mom, but i dont want to hurt myself because shes my mom, you know?

I dont care about our relationships, me being trans isnt going away a few years (which she told me we could revisit this in a few years like bitch what??!!) wont mean anything except me, once again, doing everything completely on my fucking own! Ill be alone and it feel like almost like i always be alone, like maybe ill go to CT and still wind up with the Fuck Up™ gene being very present in my life. Idk somedays i just feel like maybe no ones supposed to saty in my life, which i dont want to be true cause rn i have some amazing people in my life and im scared theyll leave too just meant to be abandoned and alone or something. The thing is im a sentimental, touch starved, emotional piece of shit and i really love people being consistent in my life and being left alone is such a huge fear of mine and i feel like some of my friends are already disappearing from my life (which i know happens and is natural especially after school but it still hurts to some degree ig)

So yeah lifes kinda full of bullshit right now and i cant wait to move out and study almost year round to avoid being home as much as possible and theres really no reason to this other than for me to complain about life and shit ig