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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Goof Week: Goof Troop: Forever Goof Review (Everything’s Coming Up Goofy, Good Neighbor Goof, Gotta Be Gettin Goofy) (Commission for WeirdKev27)

Yahhahhooooeeeey all you happy people! WELCOME TO GOOF WEEK! Now normally when a character who got their start in theatrical shorts has a birthday, I do a marathon of them. I have since last year with Donald and it’s one of my favorite things: it allows me to explore Disney’s rich history of them I was largely unaware of till Disney+, and allows me to revisit the shorts I grew up with in the case of The Looney Tunes or Tom and Jerry while discovering new favorites. SO naturally with Goofy’s birthday in two days I intended to do the same for him, especially since I’d covered Donald and Mickey the same way.

But fate had other ideas. Not thinking about this tradition, Kev, my patreon, friend and the guy who commissions a LOT of reviews from me ($5 an episode if your curious and I WILL make room on the schedule so your commission gets done as soon as possible), suggested reviewing the Goof Troop pilot movie Forever Goofy, later split into the episode Everything’s Coming Up Goofy and Good Neighbor. I loved the idea since I genuinely loved Goof Troop, and decided to do both that week.

It’s then I got a great idea.. why limit myself to JUST doing two things? I hit my 15 dollar patreon stretch goal, so a review of the Goofy Movie was on the Horizon anyway, and for it’s anniversary year Kev has been commissioning House of Mouse Episodes, so it wouldn’t be THAT much of an ask (and it wasn’t) to simply randomly select from a pool of Goofy-Centric episodes instead of all the episodes.

Thus GOOF WEEK was born, and Kev once again proved vital to all this by suggesting the special Sports Goof from the 80′s. I’d like to give him special thanks as outside of the Shorts Special, which as a patreon he still got to pick one and if you’d like to pick one for Donald’s special, sign on up even one dollar patreons get the honor. , this week is either entirely paid for by him or in the case of A Goofy Movie, is partly thanks to him. I wouldn’t be able to do NEARLY as many reviews nor make money off this without you bud, so thank you.

So naturally given the idea to do this two parter gave me the idea for this week and that Goofy Movie makes a logical finale for said week, it only made sense to start the week with Goof Troop. Bop-dop-da-da-do-bop, YEAH.

Goof Troop is the first Disney Afternoon show I ever watched and the only one I watched when I was younger, as Disney Channel used to play it ocasinally when I was younger and Toon Disney would do the same and I even got to Marthoon it when Disney XD did a weekend marathon. Given it starred my faviorite Disney Character, Donald hadn’t worked his way up to tying with him quite yet, I loved what I could grab of it. And as an adult.. it still holds up. It has problems i’ll get into, but it is a real good time so I was exastic to get an excuse to watch some of it and much like with Darkwing wish I had sooner.

Before I can h-h-h-hit it though, I have to talk about the series history. I ALMOST didn’t find anything: much like the other Disney Afternoon shows there really wasn’t much on the Disney wiki nor wikipedia, google turned up nothing... it wasn’t till I went to the Tv Tropes Trivia Page for the series, where i’d remembered reading about some early versions of the show, that I hit gold: A two part behind the scenes blog post by series co-creator Michael Peraza. You can find part one HERE and part two HERE. It’s a short but fascinating read.

Speaking of fascenating Peraza himself is someone i’d never heard of till reading this article but damn if he isn’t a legend. Seriously the guy’s career is as an unsung hero, starting work under the Legendary Nine Old Men, and working on some of disney’s greatest films: The Great Mouse Detective, Aladdin, The LIttle Mermaid, and Beauty and the Beast, along with live action cult classics Tron and Return to Oz via concept art. And concept art is where he’d hit his stride: he did conceptual work for all the big Disney Afternoon shows apart from Gargoyles, being one of the key guys in the early days of Disney Television animation. He didn’t stop at just designing things either as he worked as Art Director for Ducktales, The Proud Family and of course given how vital he was to it’s creation, Goof Troop, and to this days gives lectures with his wife to aspiring animators. He even did some guest work for the 2017 Ducktales Episode “Treasure of the Found Lamp!”. So yeah dude’s awesome

So how did he come to be a key part of this show’s creation? Well he’d just finished up some concept work on some other Disney Afternoon shows, and being a company man was glad to report to the Goof Troop..ers to help as the show was having trouble getting off the ground. The reason for this was the creative exec, who Peraza didn’t name out of kindness as the guy wasn’t a BAD person.. just a clueless one, this being his first job in film and tv. As such rather than work hard to develop around goofy or focus on his strengths the kid threw out one concept after another: The series got it’s name from a pitch that had Goofy as a scoutmaster, something I was glad to finally know. To quote Peraza

“ Although while I was doodling versions of the show that were destined to never see the light of the TV screen, the pitch date remained etched in stone and kept creeping closer. Various versions would find their way to the surface only to sink again into the wasteland known as the roundfile (trashcan). One moment Goofy was the Captain of the Fire Department, the next day a detective out of the Maltese Falcon mold, or a swash buckling hero fighting The Flying Dutchman.

The supporting cast he came up with really wasn't very supportive when you consider they sometimes included alien dragon babies with wings along with a large gorilla. Somebody at Walt Disney Television Animation must have really had a thing for giant gorillas around this time as they were plugged into almost every concept we assembled.”

It was clear that while Goofy COULD fit into just about anything, this exec was just throwing everything at the wall, nothing was sticking, and rather than try to refine his supporting cast, they kept having to throw them out and start over. And dont’ get me wrong, cartoons go through a lot of development and changes as they go.. but it’s usually born from a concept and usually by this point, they at least have what the show will be ABOUT in stone. While i’ve had the same creative changes and what not when coming up with projects that ultimately never saw the light of day, and currentlly some I hope to but might not, I’m not being paid by a studio to do this nor had a hard deadline. I was just spitballing trying to get something anything off the ground before reviewing gave me a steady outlet for my creativity and thus ballanced me to take my time with stuff. Peraza WAS turning out amazing art, like this concept art for the fireman pitch that honeslty makes me want to see it as a series. Who DOSEN’T want to see 9-11 with Goofy as the main character? Throw in Donald and grown up versions of Max, PJ and PIstol (And even not THAT much for the former two, as they did go off to college and all), don’t forget Roxanne this time out and you have a worthy goofy movie sequel.

So yeah this wasn’t working and the latest pitch was not great: Putting Goofy in ToonTown as a cabbie driving the Cab from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. As Peraza TRIED to point out to the exec, putting Goofy in a naturally goofy setting didn’t really play to the characters strength, his whole shtick being a goofus in a normal world. Enough of an every man to root for but also a slapstick joly weirdo.

The executive’s INCREDIBLY douchey response, especially since Peraza was a Disney Vetran at this point and had spent quite a lot of time on Ducktales, so he knew what he was talking about was “Do it anyway and leave the “Visionary” part to me”

As you can tell by MR. OOC there, this might be one of the most punchable sentences i’ve ever read.

So Peraza wasn’t in a great place and was naturally terrified when he got a call from Gary Krisel, president of Disney TVA, asking about the show and to see him about it.

Turns out though Krisel was a nice guy who already had a great working relatinship with Peraza, and genuinely wanted to know what was going on there and wanted his honest opinion. It’s why i’m not AGAINST executives in animation as sometimes they can come in when somethings clearly not working or allow a smooth transition of power if a propelmatic creator has to be booted off their own show so the show and i’ts crew don’t suffer as a result. It’s just more often than not they cause headaches or cancel shows for entirley stupid or self motivated reasons. But I will give credit where it’s do and point out times where there NOT stupid or homophobic or what have you and this is indeed one of those times.

Peraza was indeed straight with him: pointing out all the concepts they’d gone through, and like with the other guy honestly gave his opinon the ToonTown Pitch wasn’t working.. and he not only agreed but asked Peraza himself, actually respecting his experince instead of yelling at him that he has a vision that wouldn’t last the end of the day probably.

Peraza was HOPING this was where this was going and gladly gave him a far less high concept pitch and one truer to the character, quoted in full bellow:

“ My spiel went as follows, "Goofy is a recognized star of Disney animation, so why re-invent the wheel? His son is an average kid dealing with many of the usual issues they face: peer pressure, young love, grades, school bullies, and so on. On top of all that, he has the zaniest, wackiest GOOFIEST dad to live down. No matter how insane the situations get though, they will always love each other. They're a family." Gary asked how I would pitch it and I replied, "It's ONE day in the life of Goofy and son. From getting up in the morning to fixing breakfast, we see their difference side by side as his son tries to distance himself. No matter what though he knows deep inside that his father will always be there for him, whether he likes it or not."

If your wondering if Peraza noticed that that original pitch line is basically the peremise and emotioinal core of The Goofy Movie down pat.. your extremley correct and he notes that the film was based on said pitch even if he had no involvment with it that I could tell. The series would still use this but the whole embarasment aspect was toned down, and honestly fit a teenager better than an 11 year old..

So the exec loved it and Peraza shaped the core of the series: the idea of having Pete as his nemisis, pete having a nuclear family including a gorgeous wife, and the show being more slice of life and what not. He made some great sketches, got roaring approval and then pitched it to rousing success and the rest is history. Goof Troop was a moderate success and The Goofy Movie after it is a classic beloved by all. We have this wonderful man to thank for all that and I also thank him , on the offchance he ever sees this, for bringing Goofy into modern times in a way that did the man-dog justice. It’s thank to you we got this fun series, two great movies, and a goofy the way he is today: the best of everything about him rolled into one. Thanks man, free review.. not htat you NEED It since you’ve worked on things i’ve covered and what not, but I feel like I should offer. Outside of Peraza, I found one last bit of making of stuff before I get to the premiere proper. These two early concept shots:

The first has Max who both looks older and has red hair like he did in the shorts. Honestly I see a lot of his Goofy Movie self in thiis design, the only diffrence obviously being the red hair which was wisely changed to make the boy look more like goofy, something kept for the movie.

The more intresting one is this shot of the Pete’s. Starting with Pete he’s more athletic and has a perfectly tacky outfit. While changing him to be a bit more slovenly honestly fit this version of the character better, I do wish they’d kept hte outfit as the tacky gold and green jacket, the gold chain, the open ollar.. it all fits this version of pete so well, as well as his illusion of being a big shot when he is in fact a medium one. Peg is both slightly younger looking and far more doting and is so different I swear this picture looks like Pete remarried after the divorce and got some lipo. Pistol has about the same design but with a vastly different, more Isabella-ish outfit. Finally we have PJ who looks the same, but has a diffrent outfit and a far more sour demeanor, probably meant to be a bully. My best guess is sthis stuff comes from the pitch, and was likely made to simply get the basic premise across before fine tuning the characters for series

So with all of that out of the way i’m calling eveyrone to join in the fun under the cut and report to the Goof Troop.

Everything’s Coming Up Goofy:

Our first episode opens in a small but cozy trailer, where Goofy’s cooking up lunch as only goofy could: by making osme meatballs then serving them to his son over a game of table tennis, with Max doing the same. It’s really freaking adorable, and a dynamic i’m not used to since i’m more familiar with Teen Max. Seeing Max genuinely get into his dad’s hyjinks and enjoy them.. it just warms the heart and adds weight to The Goofy Movie by knowing there was a time the two really were thick is thieves before the stygian hole that is high school drained all that out of him.

So the two are like buddies and pals until the Mailman arrives, not even phased at this point. Turns out it’s a Diploma, and with this Goofy can get a job he’s been up for in Spoonerville and plans to move immediately. Max is devisated he’ll loose his friends and runs away to use a magical mystery box to keep them together only to end up in a land full of frogs with an old man who sounds like his dad minus the drawl and two other tinier frogs and ... I may have the wrong show. In fairness you try dislodging a finale where Keith David runs a 13 year old through with laser sword and then talk to me.

Goofy is sympathetic though: While he seems a tad oblivous to Max’s worries, it’s very clear he’s jumping on this job and this move so far to give his son a better life. Sure he runs through all the cartoon moving away talking points that don’t work in real life or most other cartoons such as there being a nice lake and that max can make new friends, and Max accepts it weirdly fast because this episode is only 22 minutes and they don’t have time for that subplot... but it’s clear the idea of a better paying job, a secure home not in an alleyway, and some stablility for his son is the real reason Goofy’s doing this, and he probably wants to simply give the boy the childhood he had growing up.

Meanwhile in Spoonerville, we meet Pete. To my shock this is where Jim Cummings took over the roll he was born for and has played since and with good reasons as Cummings is just amazing with Pete no matter the incarnation and excels here his penchant for playing jerks, hams and gravely voiced guys all coalesicing. Pete is planning on building what modern toxicly masculine weirdos such as himself would call a Man Cave on his lawn, because Pete is a very SPECIAL kind of douchebag. He also plans to stretch it into the neighboring property, tear down the house there and set it up.

This is news to his wife Peg, played by fellow voice acting Legend whose stillg ot it, April Winchell in her star making role. Peg is Pete’s strong willed wife who dosen’t put up with her husbands crap.. you know that trope that infected sitcoms for kids and adults of the doofy husband whose either a manchild , a skeevy self serving quipy asshole or some horrible combination of the two. The kind that has still been so prevealant the wife from one of said sitcoms helped produce a show about the wife finally doing the logical thing and plotting to kill the bastard. No really.. that’s an actual thing that’s happening. It’s even got a Little Bit of Alexis as Anne Murphy plays the poor, poor wife.

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And why yes the series is called Kevin Can Fuck Himself. And why yes said former sitcom wife was the same one on a sitcom called Kevin Can Wait who was fired because they wanted to retool the show with the wife from Kevin James other sitcom. That also is very really a thing that happened. Payback is a bitch aint it? Fun too.

But yeah from minute one Pete is a terrible husband: Peg is a realtor and thus is trying to sell the house because it’s her fucking job instead of letting her husband throw their family deep in debt to very likely illegally demolish a house so he has a giant yard to play in. I mean even if this is all played for jokes i’ts just not funny enough to not make him an utter bastard. The fact his response to her VERY valid criticism and subtextual worry he doesn’t’t take her career seriously is to fake a panic attack, from a very REAL tendency he turns out to have giant breakdowns under stress, to try and guilt her into letting him have his giant public man cave just backs this up.. as does the fact she simply glares at the camera as he’s clearly DONE this before.

Since I have to put up with this version of him for the rest of this episode, the next, AND a portion of the movie, i’m proudly introducing the Pete Sucks Counter. This will carry over to any other appearances of the guy from here on out. So that’s one for his insane plan, one for disrespecting his wife’s career and one for faking a panic attack to try and win an argument Pete Sucks Counter: 3

So because this episode ran short Peg caves and compromises: He can have the property if it isn’t sold by 9. So Pete does what ANY husband would do: uses his spy camera and booby traps he’s set up in the other house to try and scare away prospective buyers.

Yeah.. while the show TRIES to have Pete not as his old-timey villian self.. they traded in for him being fucking MODOK. I mean he is a grotesque monstrosity who has a nuclear family and spends all his time in a chair thing and can barely function as a Husband or Father. Though at least I can belivie MODOK LOVES his family which not so much with Pete.

To prove this Pete tries using a fake spider to scare some buyers then CALLS THEM TELLING THEM PEG IS A CON ARITST. I.e. something that if they mention to her bosses could get her FIRED. He respects his wife’s autonomy, what she wants and what she’s asked him for, which is a fair shot to sell the place before he tries to wreck the place, as well as likely what his neighbors want. I mean I can accept breaks from reality for comedy, snakebird is my boy.

So I can accept pete has this stuff.. I just can’t find it funny when these shenanignas very transparently show that while he surface level loves his wife he dosen’t respect her or actually listen to her except when she gets angry. He IS the villian so he’s still a slight step among monst sitcom dads but i’ts not great. I can find it funny that his den also functions as a super villian lair though. That shit will never not be great. Also Pete Sucks Counter: 6 For the record: one for the spider itself, one for having traps set up in a property hat both isn’t his and his wife is trying to sell and another for threatening her job and her self esteem as she is baffled at what she possibly did wrong.

So Goofy and Max get on the road, leaving moving the rest of their stuff to an old coot whose a friend of theres. So it’s goodbye Duckburg, Hello Spoonerville! And yes I headcanon this as Duckburg. Goof Troop is one of two shows that very clearly happened in SOME form, the other being Tailspin, the only difference being the time period (Goof Troop taking place in the 90′s and Tailspin in the 30′s or 40′s) and any adjustments for clashes with the 2017 verse. So going off that, we also know Donald and the boys KNOW goofy and didn’t remotely question his presence, as did the rest of the cast.

So figuring out the timeline, Goofy likely met Donald in college, even if he never finished college as per an Extremley Goofy Movie, which may not happen the same exact way given Goofy still has his old job and may not loose it in this timeline, though i’d like to think he still meets Sylvia. But point is he drops out, possibly to marry Max’s mom, they end up moving to Duckburg for her work, she sadly dies, and Goofy is left raising Max alone. Donald and Goofy likely bonded as single parents struggling in low paying 9-5 jobs. Goofy left here, likely said goodbye to Donald and the 5 or so year old boys offscreen , and left. As for how anyone else knows him that’s simple: he probably visits whenever he can. He’s a good friend, genuinely loves Donald like a brother in all continuities, and of course would show up with a progressively more then less grumpy Max every time. As for what I think the rest of the cast would think of him: Scrooge would hate him for his disaster area ways, but at least respect him as a hard worker, he just wouldn’t personally hire him which is.. it’s fair. Beakley would be aggravated by him. Webby would of course like him because she’s essentially him but competent and gay, and Launchpad and him .. god that’d be a joy to see. And drive up Scrooge’s insurance. Della would also like him obviously. I”m really disappointed we didn’t get a season 4 if for nothing else the fact we probably would’ve got another Goofy episode. It also feels weird he’s not in the finale in any way shape or form you know? Why have such a big guest spot for him and then just not bring him or Max back? GIVE ME MORE MAX DISNEY DAMN YOUUUUU So they move right along with Goofy excited to get back to where he once belonged, and to call Pete with the good news on his 90′s cell phone. Pete is utterly TERRIFIED finding out Goofy Comin and tries to send him off course to prevent it. Naturally despite nearly running into a truck, Goofy makes it to Spoonerville by evening anyway and we get a delightful bit that shows off BilL Farmer’s comedy skills as he rapidly lists off all the things in town while driving Max through town. It’s so damn smooth. This also is notable since before this farmer had just played the character in some DTV music videos, which stands for Disney not Denton but god I now want Shock Treatment with the Disney Crew. I mean who wouldn’t want Donald as Brad, Daisy as Janet, and Gladstone as Farley Flavors I ask you. Not sure who every one else would be i’m sorting that out. And if you don’t know what Shock Treatment is, here have this trailer with a nightmarish opening.

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Dammit now I want to watch Shock Treatment again... so I am. Found it in full on YouTube, and I feel no shame in sharing that as it’s not on VOD, nor any streaming service, the DVD, which I own, is out of print, and the Blu Ray is a UK exclusive. This film both needs to be seen more and needs another proper US release damn it!

So naturally Goofy somehow finds Pete’s house.. I dunno maybe Peg’s been sending him letters. Can’t blame her for having a wondering eye long as she dosen’t act on it. She’s married to a walking lump of ego, selfishness and cholesterol and likely only held on as long as she did for the kids. Which for the record Peg as a child of divorce whose parents got divorced rather than keep up a sham marriage or anything.. it’s not worth it. I was MUCH happier that way in the long term.

Anyways Peg and Goofy happily reunited while they awkardly try to get the kids to meet, with Goofy and PJ not warming up to each other at first, likely because Max just lost all his friends, and PJ clearly had none going into the series from context we’ll get later in the pilot. We also get a hilarious bit where Peg alternates between warmly greeting the goof’s and hilaroiusly shouting at Pistol to not play with worms.. in what honestly sounds like a protype for Miss Finster’s voice.

Meanwhile the kids try to hide a small crack in Pete’s boat.. which he notices as he’s just about to steamroll the house despite NOT having asked Peg if she sold it yet and just assuming, possibly opening himself and her to a lawsuit

Pete Sucks Counter: 7

Discovering his boat is trashed, he has a comical panic attack, which I can forgive since this was 1992 and they weren’t as well known as a serious problem. Seriously while pete is a bastard man.. the animation on him is GORGEOUS as it is HILARIOUS, while Jim Cummings brings the hell out of it. He’s kept the roll for three decades as of next year for a reason. Goofy ends up accidently destroying his boat in the process of trying to help him as you’d expect.

So Pete reluctantly lets the goofs sup with them.... and by reluctantly I mean he don’t wanna but Peg’s forcing him, which is pretty much the other half of their relationship in a nutshell: When pete isn’t lying and betraying her, Peg is forcing him to do stuff. As you can probably guess by how harsh i’ve been this aspect has aged INCREDIBLY poorly for me. This is your standard sitcom setup: asshole or dumbass or both dad, put upon wife who has to keep him in line.. but it’s just not how a GOOD marriage works and got so damn draining over time. Again and again we got things saying marriage is awful, comitting sucks unless your young, again and again. It’s why i’m REALLY happy we’ve been getting far better sitcom dad’s and marraiges lately. Bob’s Burgers is naturally the example, with the wife being the less sane one but both having their quriks and neither being so entirely dysfunctional you ever question the marriage. The Louds are another good example: Lynn Sr. And Rita NEVER right with each other that i’ve seen, have a perfectly happy relationship despite 11 kids, and wholly support each other, with Rita happily giving her husband the go ahead to quit his soul draining desk job so he could pursue his deream as a chef, and later letting him take a massive fincial gamble and open up a restraunt, purely because she belivied in him. Finally we have the Williams from Craig of the Creek who are easily one of the best married couples i’ve seen in western animation and one of them’s played by Terry Crews so that shoudln’t be a shock. I could prabobly find more but my points made: this trope REALLY ages the show poorly, more than any of hte 90′s specific tech or swinging theme song I just realized I forgot to talk about. Eh i’ll save it for the next episode.

I have NEVER liked this trope anyway: only simpsons has really made it work for me and Family Guy did until they just stretched it too far, and with Simpsons at least they freqeuently have episodes pointing out how unehalthy it is. It dosen’t help this trope somehow STILL isn’t dead, as evidenced by the fact Rick and Morty has it in spades and for SOME damn reason got them back together.. I mean they don’t fight anymore but it dose’nt fix the problem. So yeah while I’m not holding against the show TERRRIBLY as this trope wasn’t as widespread at the time, it still dosen’t make it GOOD even at it’s core.

Things get worse for Pete though as while Goofy praises him (And the Pete Kids rightfly wonder if Goofy is from space given the logic of ANYONE being that fond of pete. ) Pete finds out GOOFY bought the house he was going to demolish and will be staying with them till they move in. I have only one response to his misery....

Max also futzes with the tv which you THINK would lead to Peg finding out her husband is the antagonist of a Blumhouse movie but instead just does nothing.

So then we have Dinner where we find out SUPRISINGLY, Pete actually has a somewhat valid reason for resenting Goofy: Goofy cost him the big game in high school as Goofy and Peg were on the cheerleading squad together and Goofy accidently kicked pete in the face at a crucial moment, which Pete got the blame for. Granted I did say SOMEWHAT: Goofy is genuinely apologetic and says Pete shouldn’t of been blamed and Pete’s apparently been hiding the truth from his kids this whole time. I do call bullshit on that as while admittedly i don’t get into local football or any sportsball, Pete works at a dealership. At least one asshole would bring it up to either rile him up or out of genuine rage at something that happened at the very least a decade and a half ago. Pete hasn’t let go of this footbullshit DESPITE owning a successful dealership, having two wonderful children, an even more wonderful wife, and a friggin nice boat. But really.. it speaks to Pete’s character in any version: His ultimate undoing is his greed, his tendency to keep going and never settle. It’s something he oddly shares with Donald but Pete lacks Donald’s’s heart or redeeming moments. Pete just wants and wants and wants no matter who gets hurt because he’s inehently selfish and will simply TAKE It if he can’t get it. But it’s why he’s miserable, and ultimately ends up divorced: He can’t be satisfised so he often looses what he has.

So with Pete on the rampage Peg sends the boys upstairs. It’s here we get PJ’s first Woobie Moment: He has a room FULL of cool toys, comics and what not but his dad is such a greedy asshole he refuses to let the kid actually use them. He even knows this isn’t normal but is just resigned to it. Rob Paulsen is phenomenal as PJ, being funny and energetic, snarky and off to the side or depressed and fearful all with grace and ease and all making this all feel like the same sweet kid.

I mention this because Paulsen’s action is so good it highlights an issue with PJ: the writers lean way too hard into how much a hardass Pete is, to the point the series, likely intentionally, HEAVILY implies he physically abuses pete and the stuff on screen isn’t over the top enough, at least for tehse episodes, to get away with how he emotionally abuses him either. He talks down to him, doesn’t let him play toys and as seen by various episode synopsis and the next episode, uses mind games to keep him in line. THIS is why I can’t stand this version of Pete. He’s an abusive monster to this poor boy and I won’t stands for it, nor it being played off as a joke, especially since they try to ping pong between using it for comedy and using it seriously which just.. doesn’t work.

So Max earns his future best pals’ friendship by trying to help him.. and succeeding by pointing out that while he said not to use the Tank anywhere on the ground.. he didn’t mention the celling or walls and has the tank going up the walls. And clearly by the fact PJ is seen sleeping with it later, despite Petes’ss anger at this, Peg presumably ripped him a new one once she found out about the toys thing.

So that night Pete can’t sleep with Goofy tromping around the house and tries to whack him with a Golf Club. I’d give him another sucks count..

But given my brother lives in the basement and I sometimes accidently wake him by tromping overhead without meaning too, I DO get getting a bit fed up with someone clomping around and waking you up, and it is a slapstick cartoon so trying to physically assault someone is less of a crime here and more a setup for a punchline.

So get an UTTERLY hilarious scene as teh combination fo tripping on golf balls and Goofy singing his family lullabye, camptown races with lyrics

So Pete proceeds to have another freak out this time RUNNING ALL THE WAY TO DUCKBURG, THROWING THE OLD MAN OUT OF THE CAR AND THEN BRINGING IN THE GOOF’S BEDS AND BOXES BEFORE TOSSING THEM IN THE HOUSE. It is truly an amazing combination of Jim’s utter talent as he babbles hialriously and the animators as they just make it sing. It’s a great climax to part one. So with that the goofs are home and Pete semeingly gets to go to sleep.. until they start working on unpacking.

Final Thoughts On Good Neighbor Goof:

This is an excellent start to the series. The jokes are really well paced, the characters well introduced and the humor top notch> I had my complaints obviously.. but i’ts more systemic issues with the series, and stuff that honestly it dosen’t hamper my viewing experience for the most part. The PJ stuff does, but it’s not as big a deal this episode as he barely interacts with his Dad, but otherwise it’s stuff that just hasn’t aged well and they can’t be faulted for not seeing a deluge of terrible sitcoms a comin. The cast is top notch: I didn’t get to them in the proper review so Dana HIll deserves praise as Max, giving just the right amount of 90′s TV Kid mixed with real honest emotion and i’ts a tragedy she’s gone. She would’ve been right up there with the rest of this amazing cast in history. Though at least she got a worthy succesor.. but that’s not for now. For now we’re taking an interlude to look at the wonderfully 90′s music video that was aired along with this special:

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Gotta Be Gettin Goofy:

This was my raw reaction to this video. Now is it bad? No the song has great flow it somehow manages to scratch Bill Farmer’s goofy vocals with the beat, the rapper makes the cheesy lyrics work, and the chorus of “gotta be getting goofy” backs a great bit. It’s not a bad SONG.. but the video is a hilariously insane mess. We have two of the poor dancers forced to wear just.. HORRIFYING looking Goofy costumes that look like the Dog based sequel to cats that thankfully only exists in my nightmares

I pityt hose poor dancers. Meanwhile the rest of the dancers are wearing Goofy Baseball uniforms and letterman jackets for some reason. is it beause Goofy likes sportsball. I thoguth they just had them lying around but now I see the g’s on the uniform. They CHOOSE to do this. Max also does a shredding guitar solo, not the max up there the animated max. Combine that with LOTS OF random clips from the show and you get this thing.. and i’ts worth a watch> it’s just hilarously what the shit.. not the most hilariously what the shit thing i’ve seen.. not even this week... that would be this thing from the Eurovision Song contest...

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Your welcome. So moving on because this is already badly behind.

Good Neighbor Goof:

So our second episode opens with the Goof’s trying to move in and pete being upset their being loud. Now being upset your neighbors are being loud is one thing: Mine set off fireworks all week around fourth of July. Granted Pete would probably be the one doing such nonsense but still, I get it.. but it’s fair to have a lot of noise when your moving in and in Goofy’s case also trying to patch up a massive hole in the place.

So he does what any reasonable man would do and activates the earthquake machine he hid in the basement.

I wasn’t kidding about the MODOK comparisons. Granted the thing uses a belt to somehow do this.. but it’s designed to SIMULATE AN EARTHQUAKE AN DDOES SO WELL. The only reason Goofy’s not dead is that pete uses a low setting that instead ends up unpacking everything. IT’s a neat gag but again... PETE HAS AN EARTHQUAKE MACHINE.

Which Goofy accidently destroys his boat with. Meanwhile the boys try to talk over tin can phones only for Pete to notice and try to stop it because he’s a dick and doesn’t want his son to be happy because he hates Goofy. So Pete’s idea of a punishment is for PJ to wear the family shoes to go crush cans while wearing a helmet and given Pete mutters to himself about this keeping PJ away from Max i’ts likely something that he made up to torture his son soooo..

Pete Sucks Counter: 8 Max being a good pal agrees to help his friend crush the cans down to recycle for money and comes up with a zany scheme to do so

Meanwhile we get a few scenes of Pete trying to eff with Goofy’s day: Peg is making food for Goofy like a good neighbor/someone planning for their eventual divorce, so Pete makes him some too with tons of hot sauce. By the laws of classic cartoons, naturally Goofy loves it and wonders if Pete has hot sauce, while Pete trying it explodes his head Scanner’s style.

He then tries giving Goofy a chainsaw loaded with some kind of explosive or something... so yes he’s esclated to MURDER over.. Goofy annoying him a bunch as he’s apparently given up on the whole taking over that lot thing.

Pete Sucks Counter: 9 But it is hilariously petty and naturally backfires again by cartoon law as Pete ends up starting it for Goofy who can’t get it going.

Meanwhile PJ and Max inact the plan which is to drop a bolder with a rope on the cans, but end up having to ride the cans down when PJ lets it go too early and it ends up sweeping both boys on top of the box. They have fun though, with PJ actually getting to enjoy life for once and loving having a new friend.

So as his lot in life Pete has to ruin it by yelling at PJ for getting diryt, then for hanging out with max as he can SMELL the goof on him.. which means he’s either exaggerating or he knows what goofy smells like.

So he forbids PJ to see him insluting max.. while Max is hanging out the window and ends up crying. Oh and Peg never gets involved in any of this across both parts, likely because she dosen’t know.. which makes it even MORE horrifying as it gives off the implication Pete gets away with his abuse of his son because he hides it, like a real world abuser. But even then some things like trying to break up his and Max’s friendship or the toys thing you’d THINK she’d notice.

So we get more untetionally telling stuff as PJ says he’ll treasure this day and the only time he was happy.

Pete Sucks Count: 14 2 for the last scene, 3 for ALLL this one implies. But Max won’t give up the ghost no he won’t give it up. They haven’t the strength to hold on for long but if they both hold on together they can make each other strong. So he has a plan: have Goofy throw a Luau and invite the petes.

Peg naturally forces him to attend and Pete is a dick about it at first, but eventually enjoys himself when they do a conga line. The pets, Waffles and Chainsaw get into some antics. I do love Waffles because I love a kitty. Chainsaw is okay even though I love me a good doggo. Especially this one.

You are a Good Boy, Good Boy. But eventually while playing a party game about passing coconuts, Pete considers the coconut and considers the trees but dosen’t consider Goofy kicking him in the face AGAIN

So Pete is naturally a dick about this despite it being you know, an accident. But he takes it a step further by insulting Max Pete Sucks Count: 15 So Goofy gets mad. But here’s where a rather sizeable flaw shows up in the episode as Goofy.. acts exactly like Pete does about the insuing feud. He forbids Max to see PJ makes up rules and is generally petty and vindictive. And look Goofy could be in the shorts. He’s endlessly adaptable.. but here nothing about his character has shown he’d sink to this and it feels forced to bring abotu the climax.

Thankfully said finale salvages thing: That night Max pulls PJ into his room via the cans, and comes up with a plan.. weirdly asking PJ to hit him with a muffin to save their friendship... but it’s not random it turns out. His plan.. is brilliant. While I really don’t like these types of feud between neighbors make our kids suffer by making them not be able to be friends because we’re being petty children plots, this one has a REALLY clever solution to that: Max and PJ FAKE an oversclated fued similar to their parents, starting with insutls and throwing mulch and escalting to taking down each others fences and then throwing food at each other, before injuring their dads with planks and stuff, nothing serious just slapstick stuff, all to get both to settle down and try and get the boys to stop fighting.. it works like a charm, it’s full of great bits like Peg offering the boys pie only for Max to use it as amuination and i’ts just a great way to end one of these episodes. Not that I WANT more of these episodes but if your going to do this stock plot you might as well be creative with it.

So we end on the Petes and Goofs having a BBQ, all friends again, with Pete having his marina and Goofy nearly burning Pete’s house down and us getting a photo to end the episode.

Final Thoughts:

This one was a step down. Pete’s abuse is REALLY highlighted here and the plot is very paint by numbers and forces Goofy to be out of character for the last act for it to work at all. He just strikes me as too genuine and noble to hold onto a grudge this easily. Peg is also reduced from her usual feisty self to being oddly useless, not stepping in at ANY point to stop any of this depsite it being grossly otu of character. There’s a few great gags and a great climax, but the whole product is just okay

Later Today: Goof Week and Goofy’s birthday continue as I complete the trilogy of Shortstaculars with one about my boy! Featuring Goofy’s first apperance, his first short and the first apperance of what would eventually become Max!

If you liked this review, follow me for more and consider joining my Patreon which you can find RIGHT HERE. Even a buck a month helps me keep doing these and more gets me to my stretch goals, the next one up being the two remaining ducktales mini series, a darkwing duck episode a month and a reivew of the danny phantom film the ultimate enemy. And even a buck a month gets you access to exclusvie reviews, my patreon exclusive discord and to pick a short any time I do one of my shortstaculars. My next one is for Donald’s birthday next montha nd there’s only 6 days left to get on that pay cycle so if that sounds good to you get on in NOW while you still can and i’ll see you at the next rainbow.

#goofy goof #goofy #goof troop #max goof #P.J. Pete #PJ Pete #Pete Pete #Peg Pete #Pistol Pete #Sponerville #Gotta Be Getting Goofy #disney channel #the disney afternoon #disney afternoon #disney xd #disney plus

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justalitlecreacher · 4 years ago

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I’m here to prove that Andrew Garfield’s portrayal of Spider-man/peter parker in The Amazing Spider-Man is objectively the best love action adaptation of the character. In this essay I will....(yes this is really happening)

Edit: 10/20/20- i want to indulge myself in spiderman content but finding non mcu spiderman content is exhausting so imma update this instead

TL;DR

Andrew Garfield is my favorite of the 3 Spider-Man actors. TAS’s Peter is more fun and dynamic than the cookie cutter “shy introverted nerd that has a crush on a girl who’s way out of his league” Peter in Tobey Maguire’s movies. I enjoy Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character, but hate the way Disney has written the movies. I enjoy the characters, plot, and humor of The Amazing Spider-Man far more than the other 2, and i deeply wish we had gotten the third movie with the canon BIder-Man of Andrew’s (and my) dreams.

[DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 OR ANY MCU SPIDERMAN MOVIES OUTSIDE OF CLIPS AND REVIEWS ITS ALSO BEEN A VERY HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE SEEN A TOBEY MAGUIRE MOVIE]

Characterization

Most arguments against Andrew Garfield’s Spidey( AG’s from now on) begin and ends with “he was a good Spider-Man but a bad Peter Parker”. This references an outdated post comparing all three Spidey actors.(Id attach the image here but i dont want the post to be too long(thats a lie this is so long what am i doing with my life)) The post also claims that Tobey played a good Peter and a poor Spidey; and that Tom is good at both “roles”.(Honestly I think it seems silly that this seems obey the “third time’s the charm” rule but thats just me). Most people using this seem to be Tobey stans who have forgotten or ignored the rest of the post funnily enough, but the ones that go further into the WHY AG is a poor Peter are also incorrect. This argument also ignores the idea that there can be more than one version of Peter Parker which is blatantly incorrect. Just look at Into the Spiderverse or the PS4 game; these provide 4(5 if you count the pig) versions of Peter themselves, and that doesnt even include the comics.

Arguments that go further in depth claim that the AS Peter is too cool or well liked by his peer to be a “true” Peter Parker. The evidence for this seems to be that Peter has a skateboard.(which what? didnt realize that having a skateboard would instantly make you cool brb guys). Adding to that i dont really see where people get the idea that Peter is popular or well liked. While looking for complaints i found this qutoe from reddit(theyve since deleted it looks like but i’ll add a link in the notes) “He's angsty, pretty socially awkward, has an aptitude for science, and is kind of an outsider. He gets bullied by Flash and he gets his ass kicked after trying to stand up to Flash. He isn't a "cool" person in any way (until the ending, in which he's best buds with Flash, so I'll give you that). While Maguire is more accurate to the 60s comics where Peter in high school is just a fucking loser with basically no friends, in the ultimate comics, Peter is more of the kid who has a small amount of friends, but isn't popular.”. Honesty i fully agree with this because once again, other versions of a character are allowed to exist. You can dislike one version, but its silly to dislike something for not being exactly like another thing.

Ive also heard that Peter isnt “nerdy enough” in this movie which really doesnt make any sense considering the entire plot happens because Peter was looking into some of his parents’ research. If he wasn't interested in looking further into his father’s work what reason would he have to go to Oscorp where he’s bitten by the spider? Why would he have become Dr. Conner’s assistant? If he wasn’t intelligent how did he develop the web shooters?(something that Tobey!Peter doesn't have to do out of plot convenience might i add).

Another complaint i see is that the quips he uses in the movie(the first one specifically it seems) makes him seem like an asshole. Honestly thats a fair complaint, but i think its a good bit of characterization; espcially if he does get better about it in the second movie like the internet suggests.The Peter in this movie is a rightfully angsty teen; of course he acts a bit of an ass to criminals(also i feel like its important to mention that he’s like that to criminals? its not like hes being a dick for no reason).

Compare this with the Tobey Maguire(TM) movies. Like i said i haven’t seen these in awhile but as far as i’m aware TM’s Peter doesn't really do anything particularly nerdy in the film? I may have forgotten something( ok in the scene before he gets bitten he knows a cool spider fact) but he doesn’t have to invent the web-shooters because they came with his powers and he’s only at Oscorp in the first place because it’s a school field trip that he appears to be taking photos for. This Peter does fit the definition of outcast(friendless and bullied for it), but honestly i just dont like him. He’s weird and something about the character makes me feel like i should be a little grossed out every time he looks at MJ at the beginning of the movie.

I honestly don’t have any complaints for Tom Holland’s(TH’s)Spidey. Tom is a great actor and from what ive seen i enjoy his portrayal of the character.( He made me cry when i character i actively dislike died).

Story

I cant really say much for TAS story. It’s interesting but nothing special really. However, there is one scene that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like since( the closest would probably be the train scene in the original trilogy).

The crane scene. Early in the film Peter saves a boy from a car that has fallen off of a bridge, and at the end of the movie this becomes relevant again when it is uncertain that Peter will be able to get to the lizard to stop him in time.(as Peter is already injured and pretty far from the lizard’s location). The boy’s father is then revealed to be a construction worker who recognizes that Spider-man is going to need help to get to the lizard; he remembers how Spider-Man saved his son and organizes the rest of the construction workers to build a path out of crane arms for SM to swing from. All of them are putting themselves in danger by not evacuating, but SM’s actions in the first act of the film motivate them to do what’s right.

I love this scene primarily because it highlights something that i think is a really important part of Spider-Man’s character; his connection to the people he saves. SM is often shown interacting with and chatting with the people he has saved after the fact. One comic shows Peter accidentally scaring some bullies and then taking the time to ride the bus to school with them to continue their conversation and educate the students on bullying.( There’s definitely more but this is off the top of my head).

Another scene in TAS that i love is shortly before the crane scene when Peter is originally attempting to make his way across the city to stop the lizard, and he is shot down by the police. They manage to unmask him before Peter comes to his senses( he had just been shot and fallen pretty far out of the sky in his defense). From there Peter is able to deal with the police while keeping any of them from getting a good look at his face. The one cop he cant take out happens to be Gwen Stacey’s father who had previously had an argument with Peter about Spider-Man(Peter obviously on SM’s side and Mr. Stacey against SM). Peter turns and allows Captain(?) Stacey to see his face. I believe that this is an example of an unwilling identity reveal done right. i really enjoyed this moment because Peter had just shown that he likely could have gotten out of this encounter with his identity in tact as he had just taken down however many men. This implies that it was an active choice on Peter’s end to trust that Captain Stacey would ultimately do the right thing and allow Peter to go fight the Lizard, rather than a final desperate attempt to get away unscathed. Whether or not this interpretation of the scene is correct or not it still gives the character a bit more agency than some versions have done with their identity reveals.

In Spider-Man 2 Peter starts to lose his powers because he’s having internal conflict about wether or not he should be Spider-Man. Honestly thats kinda neat and i might want to give that a rewatch. As for the one i have seen i don’t have any complaints. I do however prefer the way that Peter was bitten in TAS because it was a result of him poking around where he shouldn’t’ve been rather than him just happening to be standing in the right place for a spider to land on him.

Onto TH’s movies; the way Disney has treated Spidey in the MCU is why TH’s is my least favorite version of the character. I feel like too much of the story revolves around Iron Man; Iron Man made Peter’s suit and equipment, Iron Man introduces Peter to the MCU(via blackmail but thats another rant for another annoyingly long post), its Iron Man that “makes” Spidey in this universe rather than Spidey being self-made. In Homecoming(which remember i havent seen outside of clips so bear with me) most of the conflict is cause directly or indirectly by Tony’s refusal or inabilty to communicate with the teenager he’s meant to be mentoring

For one the entire incident with the ferry could have very easily been avoided had Tony bothered to communicate with Peter enough to tell him that the situation was being taken care of. On top of that at the moive’s climax Peter is shown trying to get in contact with Happy(from what ive picked up isnt he a chauffeur? like idk his deal i just know he’s someone Peter got pawned off onto after Civil War). Peter even goes as far as to somehow hack into Happy’s phone(i think thats what happened it was a weird tech thing that shouldve been a red flag that the call was important though) but instead of listening; Peter is ignored. If this was a different kind of movie Peter literally could have died and itd be the fault of Happy and Tony like..... A large portion of conflict comes from characters being incompetent and not communicating and thats just poor storytelling.

Before this turns too much into an anti mcu rant id also like to say that the way they did Civil War was really dumb considering that Peter defects to Cap’s side in the comics, but whatever.

Also i loathe the way they handled the identity reveal at the end of Far From Home. With MCU movies most people know to expect an end credits scene by now, but typically that scene is not important to understand what’s happening in the films; they just aren’t important. Putting an identity reveal here makes it seem significantly less important than it is. On top of that i dislike their use of J Jonah Jameson for this scene.

JJJ is a character who has been repeatedly shown to have a genuinely good heart. All of his anger comes from a place of love for his city(he even says this hemself in the ps4 game when May writes in to tell him that he needs help). He hates Spider-Man because SM reminds him of the masked man who killed his wife; JJJ has never been able to get past that( and Peter’s antagonism of him definitely doesnt help) However, JJJ has been shown to care for people; he has a son who he often brags about, and one comic shows that JJJ is paying Peter for “amateur” quality photos because he knows that Peter is having a hard time and “just need some help”. JJJ has even learned Peter’s identity before and kept his secret for him(seriously though i cant remember the name of the comic but its defiantly worth the read), and in the original trilogy when Goblin threatens JJJ he claims that he doesn’t know who sends in the photos of Spidey because he does it via email( this is a lie). The MCU will have a very difficult time convincing me that JJJ would ever out a teenager’s identity and put him in danger like that. It goes too far against his character.(this could be hypocritical of me to say considering how i just insisted that multiple versions of a character can exist but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

This is accidentally turning into an MCU rant but id also like to say that i hate the lack of a TH!Spidey origin movie because it gives you no motivaion for Peter becoming SM or explanation of his powers; most people will know these things but if youre unfamiliar with the character its bound to be confusing(and im a sucker for origin movies)

#long post #spiderman #andrew garfield #The Amazing Spider Man #mcu crit #j jonah jameson #can you tell i care a lot?#cause i do #rant #ramble #this was not proofred #like at all #see theres a typo in that tag!#i would apologize but im not sorry

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alien-shark · 5 years ago

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ZoTash prompt/one-shot: JEALOUSY

Echoes of what appears to be sparring shouts reverberate from the training grounds and soon, a surge of female Marine soldiers flood the halls. What used to be a serene area was now abuzz with gleeful exuberant cheers, their attention aimed at the other five female soldiers surrounding a lone shirtless green haired man at the centre of the training ground. Shinai swords drawn and pointed at their single adversary.

Tashigi, curious at the commotion, followed along the queue of female soldiers lining the perimeter of the ground, “What’s going on?” she asked, sipping at her coffee.

“He’s doing it. He’s sparring with them again!” A female soldier beamed, her eyes glued at the subject of interest.

Standing on her tiptoes, the Marine captain watch as the female soldiers consecutively charge at the man. But with a quick side step, parry, deflect and strikes on the shoulder, behind the knee and hip, each soldiers were disarmed and collapse on the dirt, one after another.

The spectators cheered and some groaned on behalf of their fallen comrades. On refusing to yield, one soldier latched on a nearby shinai and swiped at the man’s leg only for the weapon to shatter upon impact with his own.

“Too slow.” He sighed, disappointed. Spinning his head around, “You are all too slow.”

A wave of excited whispers, some of obscenities, rippled through the crowd.

“Your grasp on your swords are too flimsy! Even a kid can disarm you.” He pauses and releases yet another disgruntled sigh. “And you’re leaving too much opening! Do you have a death wish?! If I used real swords, you’d all be dead!” He turned to a soldier on the ground and offered his hand, she accepts reluctantly but hauls herself up with his help.

“The battle isn’t over until you’re dead.” He growled. “Till then, get your ass up and try again!”

Roronoa Zoro returned in the middle of the field, two bamboo swords drawn on his sides. His eyes scan the crowd, “Who’s up next?”

Female Marines race and scrambled to try their luck at him, beaming and professing determined shouts.

---

Captain Tashigi narrows her eyes, irritated that her fellow Marine soldiers- especially ones under Vice Admiral Tsuru’s squadron- are so easily swayed by Roronoa’s simple display of swordsmanship. But her resentment only doubled upon realizing that while she goes and makes herself a cup of coffee to begin the day, the man was already in the heat of his training.

While Roronoa trains the female Marines; observing them with a critical eye as they do drills and correct any mistakes and praise any improvements as they spar with one another, Tashigi decides to train with other soldiers who remained wary of the pirate. But it wasn’t long until Tashigi found herself training alone in their usual spot. She discovered her fellow officers figured Roronoa’s teachings yield very effective results.

And so she was alone, much to her disappointment.

Dinner proved tougher to endure when all she hears are praises aimed at Roronoa, how his outlandish teachings opened up new possibilities in their training immensely enhancing their skills.

“He’s truly a great swordsman! Glad he’s an ally now!” A soldier announced cheerfully.

“And he’s surprisingly such a decent guy too!”

“Right?! And he’s gentle and kind!”

“Have you seen that body?”

They giggle. Tashigi stands to leave.

A tremendous divide among the Marines occurred when the highly influential Vice Admirals finally roused and saw the errors of the entire Marines’ belief. It began with Smoker’s G-5 unit followed by Vice Admiral Garp, Vice Admiral Sengoku and most recently, Vice Admiral Tsuru.

Tashigi started as a grunt in Tsuru’s squad. Her skills earned her respect and praise among her superiors and popularity among the entire female Marine soldiers. Her rapid growth caused her to be transferred under Smoker’s wing in Loguetown. Yet to this day, she would return and spend some time with her previous crew. She considered this her place of solitude, a break from her testosterone infested infantry. It was a breath of fresh air to be around fellow female soldiers and they were always glad to have her back even for a short period.

However, the Marine/Pirate integration has altered her previous comrades regard towards her. (Roronoa and three of his nakamas: Nico Robin, The God-Usopp and The Soul King, temporarily stays on the island under Tsuru’s watch for Nico Robin to decipher a poneglyph. Which explains why and how the pirate is within their vicinity.) Now, the female soldiers’ attention has long abandoned Tashigi and are directed at Roronoa, much like the G-5.

“Give it to him! I bet he’ll love it!” A soldier nudged her companion.

“I hope so. He did say he loves quality sake.”

“Haha! He’ll fall head over heels for you!”

“W-what?! No.. I just wish to thank him..!” The other soldier blushed.

Soon, things took a sudden turn. An ample amount of female soldiers developed a budding infatuation towards the man. Tashigi couldn’t contain her hackles from rising when one evening, during a bonfire, another soldier gifted Roronoa sake. He drank and celebrated with them for yet another productive day. As Tashigi observes the exchange, she notices Roronoa smile almost slyly towards the gushing female Marines. Her suspicions towards the man intensifies. He was still a pirate after all. Tashigi witnessed the vulgar glances Black Leg and The Soul King displays when around women. Who’s to say Roronoa is different? She knows nothing about the man.

That very night, she confronted him. When finally he was alone, walking groggily through the empty streets, she blocked his path.

“Roronoa, a word, please.” She gestured to an empty alley.

“If you need private lessons, you’re gonna have to wait for two days.” He smiles. “I’m a busy man. Tonight’s not a good ti—”

“I know what game you’re playing, pirate!” Tashigi interjects. “You may blind the others with your swordplay but not me.”

Immediately, the pirate’s drunken stupor evaporated and he stares unblinking. But Tashigi refused to falter.

“If you’re training them just to create your little ‘fan-club’ or to invite them in your bed, I will not ask you again, please stop. These are prominent honourable women and some are already developing feelings-- bonds to you deeper than they intended. Feelings I doubt a pirate such as you even have. Whatever dark intentions you have planned, abandon it if you still wish to see the light of day.” She stepped closer and jabbed a finger on his chest. “Respect these women or I will make you.”

Roronoa stares at the finger on his chest and slowly creeps his gaze towards the woman.

“I always wondered why you never attend the training. I thought it was just your stubborn pride that makes you lurk behind the trees, watching from a distance.”

For the first time, Tashigi hesitates and draws her hand back.

“So this is how you still see me.” He narrows his eyes at her, as realization hits. “I trained your soldiers because they asked me to. I won’t apologize for my actions. I am not responsible for the feelings your soldiers harbour towards me neither will I apologize for how you interpret my actions towards them. That’s on you. I’ve never disrespected your soldiers in any way and I never intend to. I only wish to help… because-”

He takes a deep breath. “This may be empty words to you but… I feel obliged- I had a friend—,” Roronoa paused, dropping his gaze to the ground.

His voice suddenly grows quieter, jittery. “I wanted to prove to her… wherever she is I—I want to prove that women can be strong and capable of so much more. At first I didn’t believe it was possible.” He meets her eyes, his own glassy under the moonlight.

“Then you came along and changed my mind. How you handle yourself and radiate that irritating confidence and headstrong determination that affects the people around you. You made me realize that women are capable of so much more. And I want to help even in the smallest way. I want to prove to her that she was wrong for thinking so little of herself because of her gender.”

Roronoa hardens his gaze and almost doubles in size as he straightens himself, towering over the Marine captain. “But she’s dead. And she will never know. And I guess it’s too late for it now. And the person who opened up my mind to the possibilities and gave me hope continues to view me as a petty low-life. And whatever ounce of help I provided in the end didn’t matter.”

The man shakes his head and before stepping around her says, “What do I know? Pirates don’t have feelings, right?”

That night, Tashigi couldn’t sleep. Roronoa’s words cut her deeper than any wound inflicted in battle. How petty and shallow of her to view Roronoa in this light.

His late friend… Of course. How could she forget? When will she ever see beyond herself? She was insecure, blinded by her weakness. Jealousy remains to be her biggest vice, the wall that prevents her from moving forward- the gap between their abilities. She was right about one thing however, she knows nothing about the man.

The following days, Roronoa stopped showing up at the training grounds and began training somewhere else, alone, and refused to train and spar with the female soldiers, however he allowed them to watch.

“Could we have been too much for him?” A soldier during lunch muttered weakly.

“Maybe our progress was too slow he got impatient.”

“Ugh. I shouldn’t have pushed him to try our family’s sake.”

“Face it, ladies. The man didn’t see anything special and probably got bored.” Another stirred at her lunch dully. “He’s still a pirate. Open your legs at him and he might—”

“He’s not like that!” Tashigi snapped. All eyes on her. Upon realizing her outburst has generated attention she wasn’t used to, she trembled and cast her eyes down. “Roronoa is… a lot of things. But he’s not like that.”

She quickly dislodge herself from the predicament. She needed to find the man- for the sake of the Marines. But more importantly give him the apology he deserved. She cannot allow her frivolous mistake sever the unity between Marines and pirates. Tashigi could not locate him that evening so she woke up early the next day and luckily found him in his new training spot, surrounded by female soldiers urging him for a spar.

Tashigi apprehensively stepped closer into his area. A twitch of his eye suggest he’s aware of her presence.

“Roronoa, please… please train them again.” She whispers and hopes he hears amidst his grunts and loud thrusts of his sword.

“They can train themselves.” He grunts.

“They can.” She swipes a quick glance at the inquisitive soldiers. “But they prefer your guidance. They enjoy your company.”

“They’ve trained without my supervision long before I arrived in the island. They don’t need me.”

“Roronoa, please-“

“No.”

Before her tears threaten to spill, Tashigi knelt down and pressed her forehead on the ground and bowed deeply before the man.

“I apologize for every malicious words I insinuated. You didn’t deserve the accusations. I was wrong. It was unjust- I was,” She bit her lip and forced the trembling words out, “— ignorant. I figured my misplaced vigilance for my fellow Marines only causes harm than good. And I realize my accusations reflected more about my insecurities than of your character.”

The thrusting of sword stopped and louder whispers emanate from the growing onlookers.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I only wish for you to know how deeply I regret my misdemeanour.” She sobbed. “Please do not punish them because of the lapses in my judgement. Roronoa… Roronoa-san, it would be an honour to gain your insights.”

Tashigi took a deep breath and lifted her head slightly, “Please train them—train us!!”

“Tashigi-san…” Echoes of her name ran through the crowd but she refused to lift her head.

A surge of delight rushed through the swordsman’s chest and instantly felt an entire lightness of being, as if the overbearing weight he’s been carrying the last couple of days was lifted off his chest and he was engulfed with unexpected satisfaction. A single apology from the woman would have suffice, but this almost evaporated every affliction he’d ever experience. Had this happen months ago, he would have a quip to counter, instead he clears his throat,

“Then what are you waiting for? Grab your shinai. We’re losing daylight!”

Tashigi finally raised her head, face coated in watery dirt but she didn’t care. Altogether, the entire female Marine squadron exclaimed, “Haiii!!”.

----

Apologies for going over the word count! I hope this was worth your time!

#zotashprompts #ZoTash #tashigi #roronoa zoro #writing prompt #one shot

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tessatechaitea · 4 years ago

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Justice League International #8 (1987)

Is it weird that I have a newsstand copy of a comic book when I definitely was shopping at my local comic shop in 1987?

This cover has so many jokes to talk about that I probably won't have time to review the entire issue. My stomach is already sore for laughing so hard! Look at how the box marked "fragile" is about to fall onto the floor thanks to the carelessness of Blue Beetle and Booster Gold! Ha ha! And they're carrying the large box upside down! According to the label on the upside down box, it's going to Paris, France so it must contain Crimson Fox who is almost certainly swearing in French because have you ever tried to masturbate while upside down in a box being jiggled by two men?! The incompetence of those guys is hilarious! But the best joke is the one where the only woman on the team doesn't lift a finger to help and also can't make up her mind about the placement of a gigantic box that hasn't been opened yet! See how funny that is? Because who cares where the box is placed?! It's not like they're moving a desk or an end table and Black Canary is coming up with a floor plan! It's just a box that will need to be opened and then broken down and then thrown out! The other funny part is that yellow spray around Beetle's head and the shape of his mouth because I think it suggests he's about to call Black Canary a bitch! Ha ha! I probably left out the joke about the hernia although that one might just be implied. Also, it'll probably be a blatant joke later in the story. The issue begins with Jack Ryder on his right-wing radio call-in television "news" program fiasco of a show Hot Seat trying to get the masses to shit blood over the Justice League. It'll work because the masses in comic books (as well as the masses not in comic books because we've all seen how people who listen to and watch right-wing radio call-in television "news" programs easily believe the alternate reality fed to them because it speaks to their inherent biases and selfishness) are idiots. (That might be my favorite interruption by parenthetical reference I've ever written.) I also know that it will work because Glorious Godfrey only recently did the same thing a year or two ago and it worked. But comic books don't recognize time and space in the same way that we more logical and real readers do so the masses won't remember that they were fooled just a year ago by idiotic television pundits who don't mind seeing the world burn as long as they can cash a fat check over it. I doubly also know it will work because Millennium is coming up and I think that might be proof that maybe Jack Ryder was sort of right because aliens have infiltrated Earth and are pretending to be heroes and possibly even right-wing radio call-in television "news" hosts. I don't really remember much about Millennium except that it was weekly and there were Manhunters in it.

My favorite comic book characters when I was a kid were Blue Falcon and Dynomutt. I bet Jack Ryder was Sean Hannity's favorite. Tucker Carlson's favorite was probably Hitler.

This issue begins the long running joke that Martian Manhunter is addicted to Oreos. I fucking get it, man. Have you ever tried to melt an Oreo into a spoon, fill a needle with the liquid contents, and inject it straight into your bloodstream? Me neither because that's stupid, you dumb idiot. Why would you even suggest it? You need to inject them straight into your taste buds. J'onn, Mister Miracle, and Captain Atom are setting up the New York Embassy which leads to lots of jokes about shoddy construction and terrible wiring and lazy movers. At one point Captain Atom electrocutes himself and then destroys all of the wiring because he's the guy the United States wanted to represent them on the new international team. I'd say his penchant to escalate a situation straight to violence proves the United States made the right decision. Batman and Guy Gardner oversee the outfitting of the Russian Embassy with a little help from Rocket Manhunter #7.

Even Rocket Red has heard about Guy's serious brain trauma and yet nobody has even discussed getting him a medical check-up. What a bunch of bastards!

This is also the issue that begins the "Bwa-ha-ha-ha" gag (I think. Did it happen in an issue previously? Maybe?! Anyway, it really gets going here). That's the gag where somebody laughs when something terrible happens to somebody else. It's a great team building exercise, to laugh at a co-worker's pain! Or if it isn't, it, at the very least, helps develop personal morale. Nothing better than laughing at your manager after her credit card was stolen by a prospective new employee while the entire company was in a meeting, especially after learning that said card was pretty much just used at The Honey Baked Ham. Does that make if funnier? Or is this one of those dark humor things like when the same manager was super pissed at an employee I was training for not showing up for work the day before Thanksgiving only to learn later that she had died of carbon monoxide poisoning the previous night which caused her to erupt into crying jags for the rest of the day which I'm positive weren't for my poor co-worker but for her guilty feelings of being so angry at her. That's dark humor, right? The "Bwa-ha-ha-ha" gag begins when Booster tries to hit on a Parisian woman and gets shot down. Later, she winds up being the League's Paris Bureau Chief. And also maybe Crimson Fox?

This scene is well done in a book that often tries too hard for stupidly silly humor.

I'd say that these three pages (the scanned page being the third of the three) of interaction between Blue Beetle and Booster Gold is ground zero for what would become a great best friend relationship. Any interaction before this was just of the generic Blue Beetle making a stupid class clown comment to the group. But this foundational scene in Paris already feels like these two at their closest which, admittedly, is mostly Blue Beetle laughing at something dumb Booster Gold did. But I like to view this entire relationship through the lens of a Booster Gold mostly driven mad and insane from having to live through so many alternate timelines. Sure, the reader doesn't know about that aspect of Booster Gold yet (and won't for more than a decade). But I can't help but understand Booster Gold through that lens now. And his need for some kind of consistency and whimsy and, almost certainly, a need to be able to laugh at himself must be expressed through this relationship as a kind of therapy. In a universe where not even the timeline lacks consistency, Booster Gold finds solace in getting his balls busted by Blue Beetle.

Maybe I'm a dick who doesn't understand true friendship but this is totally what it looks like, right?

The issue ends with a Keith Giffen drawn story about the end of the Global Guardians, or at least the end of their United Nations backing. I'm sure it's a set-up for a future story but even if it were just a couple page story acknowledging the Global Guardians and how they're affected by a new United Nations backed team, it would remain an interesting moment. I don't need iron clad continuity in my comic book universe but I am entertained when writers acknowledge the waves their stories are making in that continuity. Plus it's drawn by Giffen which always makes it seem like I'm reading a story from the perspective of a madman. Justice League International #8 Rating: B+. How come when I publish a manifesto, people refer to it as a 'zine?! How do you get the fucking power to have your photo-copied screed with "art" considered a manifesto?! How many people do I have to rant at to get some Goddamned recognition?! "The Truth About Star Trek Transporters" is not a fucking fanzine, people! It's a manifesto of the alternate reality we're being asked to accept! The alternate reality of an alternate reality where people are being sent to their deaths every fucking mission only to be replaced by clones of themselves and nobody fucking cares! Probably because they're all clones of clones of clones and their ability to think rationally has diminished to the point of dogmatic stupidity! Am I the only one witnessing this while others simply think its some kind of retrograde perspective?! Does my antediluvian intellect subquester the means of proliferating the parallax of reality?! Does the inclusion of three hilarious dick jokes deny me the mantle of manifesto writer, oublietting my ego into an infinite mirror trick of endless zineian declarations?! Fuck this shit! And fuck that satellite that's been following me throughout this meandering conclusion!

#Justice League #Justice League International #Kevin Maguire #Keith Giffen #J.M. DeMatteis #DC #DC Comics

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mybullshitsensesaretingling · 5 years ago

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Five Years Time

A/N: I went to Riverside (future birth place of our boy Jim) the other day and got inspired to write something more about his days before Starfleet. So here’s a bunch of random bits and bobs I had laying around all pieced together into one story. If y’all like it, lemme know cuz I got a lot more.

Summary: You and Jim have known each other your whole life, but your relationship hasn’t always been an easy one.

James Tiberius Kirk had been the bane of your existence since he had cheated at a game of freeze tag when you were four. You couldn’t, of course, prove that he had, but you knew what you saw. It was your word against his and he was older and more charismatic than any five-year-old had the right to be. He had the whole playground against you in under ten minutes. Without realizing it, Jim had started a war that was beginning to look like it would out live at least one of you.

“I know it was you!” Jim shouted, dropping his backpack to the ground.

“Know what was me?” you asked in feigned ignorance. You didn’t open your eyes or tilt your head towards him, too occupied with the sunshine of the first warm day all year. Your forearms, resting against the top of the picnic table, propped you up as you leaned your back against it, your face turned skyward.

“Don’t play games with me, (Y/N)! I almost got detention because of that stunt you pulled!”

“And I’m still working off detentions for your stunt last month. All’s fair.” You tried to fight off the smiling attempting to creep onto your face.

“You have no remorse, do you?” he asked.

“For this? No. For this I have nothing but pride and a deep sense of satisfaction.” The smile won, taking over your face.

“You’re a real piece of work, ya know that?”

When you didn’t respond, he slammed his hand down on the table beside your arm. He was angry and he wanted to channel it into something, and you, being the person who usually caused his anger, were his number one choice.

Well, if he wanted a fight, you’d give him one.

You snapped your eyes open, lowering your chin to gare at him. He was leaning over you, but you didn’t react to his closeness.

“I’m a real piece of work?” you repeated. “When you go to the store, your ego has to ride in a separate car. I’d hate to think how unbearable you’d be, if I wasn’t here to knock you down a peg or two. If it’s even possible to be more unbearable than you already are.”

The corner of his mouth twitched up into that stupid smirk that you hated so much. “I really get under your skin, don’t I?”

“Like the tick you are.”

“You wound me,” he said with mocked offence.

You shoved him back so you could stand. “You’re such a jackass.”

“Says the shithead who’s made my life a living hell since kindergarten!” he shot back.

“You brought it on yourself!”

“You’re crazy!” He stepped back and threw both arms out to gesture at you. “I’m looking at a fucking lunatic!”

“If I wasn’t raised right, you’d be looking at me through a black eye!” you told him.

“Take your best shot!” he dared.

Stepping forward, you balled the front of his shirt up in your hand and raised your other hand into a fist. His expression changed, eyes going wide and jaw going slack. He clearly wasn’t expecting you to make good on your threat. If you were being honest, you hadn’t either. You’re body seemed to be making its own decisions, and just as quickly as it had decided to punch him, it change its mind. Instead of your knuckles slamming into the side of his face, your lips slammed into his.

Two Years Later

Jim pushed his broccoli around his plate, only half listening to the lecture he was getting about inappropriate behavior. He looked up ready to defend himself but his jaw clamped shut when he saw you through the window behind his mother. His eyes widened as you pointed up to his window. He gave you a miniscule nod that he hopped only you noticed, before turning his attention back to his mom.

“You’re right.”

Wynonna stopped talking, taken aback. Not once had her son agreed with her about his punishable actions.

“I’m going to go to my room and think really hard about what I did and how I can better myself as an individual.” He slowly got up from his chair and backed out of the room. “And do my homework. My teachers thinking I’m nothing but a delinquent is no reason to let my grades slip. Dinner was delicious. Love you.”

As soon as he was in the hall, he broke into a sprint, racing up the stairs and to his bedroom window. He pushed it open and dropped his hands to the windowsill, preventing you from entering.

“You can’t keep running away here,” he kept his voice low to prevent letting his mother in on your secret rendezvous.

“Where is this negative attitude coming from, Jimathy?” You easily pushed one of his arms aside and crawled through the threshold.

“Your dad hates me,” he said, turning so he was still facing you as you moved into the room.

“He does not hate you. He says you're gifted.” You shrugged your backpack off onto the bed.

It was true. Less than an hour ago you had been forced to listen to yet another rant from your father about how much potential Jim had and how he was wasting it on his ridiculous stunts. He could never seem to decide if he was happy that Jim and all his glorious wasted potential were in your life or not.

“Really? Because to my face he calls me a bad influence, who’s the root of all your problems.”

“I don’t have problems,” you grumbled, “He’s the one with problems.”

“Jim!” Wynonna called from down the stairs. “Why is (Y/N)’s dad calling me?”

“Speak of the dad-vil,” you whispered.

“That was terrible. Stay here,” he ordered as he went out into the hall. “Maybe he wants to reminisce about the good old days?” Jim offered loudly. “Isn’t that what people your age do?”

“Is she here?”

“Do you really think I could hide a whole, grown person in my room without you knowing about it?” he asked in turn.

“Is she in trouble?”

“Not one bit.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“Obviously!”

“Okay.” You heard her answer the phone and walk out of hearing range.

Neither you nor Jim dared to move. There was one hundred and one ways this phone call could end and neither of you wanted to risk making it worse.

You glanced around his bedroom. The shelves were lined with old books and models of starship. Retro Starfleet recruitment posters hung from the walls between his Beastie Boys posters and glow-in-the-dark stars. Through his open closet door you could see his dad’s old uniform still hanging, though shoved back against the wall. It was all the remnants of dreams long forgotten. It reminded you of when you were little and he used to regal the playground with stories of when his parents had been in the fleet. They were all so inspiring. The gleam in his eyes when he would announce that one day he would be the captain of a starship made you hate him a little less, even back then. He used to want to be someone. He was driven towards his goals. He had always been a little menese and a troublemaker, but he was headed somewhere. Where had that boy gone?

Two minutes later Wynonna was back at the bottom of the stairs. “Remember in middle school when you two hated each other and spent every waking minute trying to destroy each other?”

“Uh… yeah?” Jim answered.

“I miss those days. That man hates this family.” She sighed. “Tell her to go home.”

“But Mom, she’s upset!”

“The only fugitive I harbour in this house is you, young man.”

“Mooooom,” he whined.

“Don’t make me come up there and use my captain voice,” she threatened.

“Fine! I’ll send her home.”

“Good. I’ll see you in two weeks when you aren’t grounded!” she called up to you.

“TWO WEEKS?” you both yelled in unison.

“You know the deal. When the fire department has to get involved it’s two weeks.”

“Fine!” he shouted again and Wynonna walked away satisfied.

The chief engineer of one of the posters smiled down at you.

Reach for the stars!

Something clicked in your head. Jim came back into his room to find you digging an old gym bag out from his closet.

“What are you doing?”

You smiled wickedly and tossed the bag at him. “I’m breaking you out.”

Something seemed to click in his head too and he shook his head. “I’m stuck on a road going downhill fast. I’m not dragging you will me. Not anymore. Go back home. Apologize to your dad. Live your life. Be somebody great.”

“It’s too late. You’ve turned me into a hoodlum. You didn’t even have to drag me. I came willingly. I don’t care what you do, I will always come with. And I’m not becoming someone great without you.” You opened a drawer to encourage him to pack. “Let’s go to San Francisco.”

“California? You dream big, kid.” He pecked you on the lips on his way to his dresser. “How far do you think we’ll get?”

“Oh, we won’t even make it to Wyoming.” You dropped down next to your bag on his mattress, watching him pack. Maybe if you could show him what he used to dream about he would start to dream again. Maybe he would be the boy he used to and he would take you with him.

“At least we have realistic expectations to go with our big dreams.”

Five Years Later

The warm air that filled the bar hit you like a wall when you opened the doors. Loud conversations and clinking glass surrounded you as you walked through the tables, headed straight for the bar. Leaning across the wood surface, you caught the bartender's attention.

“You seen Jim?” you yelled over the noise.

Before he got the chance to answer, there was a shout followed by the sound of someone being thrown into a table.

Taking in a deep breath, you forced a smile,“Nevermind.”

You pushed yourself away from the bar and headed to the fight that had broken out. You grabbed the back of the collar of a man whose fists were flying wildly and yanked him back. Thankful that he was drunk enough that it was fairly easy.

“Take a walk, bud.” You patted his chest and spun him towards the door.

“Beautiful,” Jim grinned from the floor, “What are you doing here?”

“Aren’t I always here when you’re doing something stupid?” You held your hand out and heaved him to his feet.

“Just for the record,” he started, straightening out his jacket and letting you push him onto a stool without argument, “he started it. So really he’s the stupid one.”

“He started it?” you echoed. “Are you eight?”

“And a half.”

Rolling your eyes, you picked up the dish towel filled with ice cubes the bartender set in front of you and smiled your thanks. As much as you hated to admit it, one of the two of you getting in a fight here had become a somewhat regular occurrence over the years, and the bartender was always ready and never phased.

“Why do always have to go looking for trouble?” You held the ice up to his already swollen eye.

“I get bored when you aren’t here to create it.”

Your hand dropped a centimeter away from his face. “I don’t create trouble.”

Jim raised his eyebrows, questioning your resolve on the matter.

Creating trouble was one of your biggest skills, but you weren’t going to admit that. Not now. Not when you held the moral high ground. Not that it mattered. You had admitted to it a thousand times to him. Even if you hadn’t it wasn’t something you could hide. Not that you could hide anything from Jim.

“We aren’t talking about me. We’re talking about your dumb ass and how you refuse to get your head out of it.” You pushed the ice back against his skin a little too forcefully. “You’re better than this. You were meant for more than being a bar rat.”

“What are you doing here, (Y/N)?”

“I needed some air,” you said bruskly.

“They don’t have air in San Francisco?”

“No.” You focused on keeping the ice against the slowly developing bruise so you wouldn’t have to look him directly in the eye.

“What happened?” His bright blue eyes looked right through you. They knew every little tick, habit, and quirk you had. They could read you like a book, tell exactly what was bothering you, figure out what kind of day you had within moments. Even if they were a little drunk.

“I told you we're not talking about me.”

“Usually when you’re yelling at me, it’s about you. So tell me what’s going on.” He reached out for your free hand, lacing his fingers through yours. “What did you do that you think is so bad?”

“I’ve,” your eyes drifted to the floor, your voice dropped in volume to the point where you weren’t sure if he could hear you, “been demoted.”

You didn’t look back up until you felt his hand wrap around your wrist and pull it away from his face. Slipping the makeshift ice pack from your grasp and setting it back on the bar, he pulled you from your stool and through the maze tables and chairs to the door.

“Where are we going?”

“You said you needed some air.” He pushed the door open and tugged your hand up so you were walking next to him.

The small town was all but deserted. It felt like you were the only two people in the universe. You walk down the empty sidewalk in silence. He doesn’t push you to say anything more about what happened, but eventually it all comes out in one big rush.

“It wasn’t anything major. Not really. No lives were lost. A few eyebrows were. Honestly the whole thing was blown way out of proportion. And it wasn’t even really a demotion. Not really. They just took away some of my responsibilities and respect. I’m sure they’ll get over it in a few weeks and I’ll have my job back, but,” you stopped to catch your breath, “I couldn’t be there. Not right now.”

“So that’s why you're here.” He guided you to a small park. “You’re hiding.”

“I’m not hiding from anyone,” you said indignantly, before smiling up at him. “I’m here to see you.”

“Right. Because you’ve never used that one before.”

“Fine, maybe I am hiding from my highly critical superiors.” You threw up your free hand. “Maybe I’m hiding from the whole damn thing. Are you going to stop me? Is this where you draw the line? I’ve run away to you one too many times?”

“No.”

“I just can’t breath there. All day it's ‘yes, sir’ and ‘no, sir’ and ‘right away, sir. Everybody is sir. The friggin’ worms in the lawn are sir. And they’re constantly telling what to do.”

“The worms?”

“Might as well be!”

“Do you listen?”

“I’m my own person. Who are they to tell me what to do?”

“Your bosses?” he offered.

“So what? Just because they have a few extra stripes on their sleeves they get to dictate my life? I don’t think so. I’ll do what I want when I want.” You glared straight ahead, trying to ignore the voice in your head that was telling you that you were being stupid.

“And look where that got you. Couple of blown off eyebrows and a red mark on your record.”

“Like you’ve never caused an explosion,” you grumbled.

“I’m not the one who just got demoted.”

“No, you’re just the one throwing his life away at Murphy’s.”

He let go of your hand and came to a stand still on the sidewalk. “Hey. I thought shit on Jim time was over.”

“I’m not shitting on you. I’m just,” you sighed.

You had moved out to San Francisco and joined Starfleet because of him. He hadn’t asked, but it had been being around him and his mother that made you do it. You had always secretly believed that he would come with you. You tried not to bitter about the fact that he didn’t. Key word: tried.

“I’m sorry.” You turned to face him. “You are the smartest person I have ever met.” You placed a hand on his chest. “You have the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. You were made to do more than this. You could be so much more.”

“What if I don’t want to be more?” he asked. “What if I’m happy where I am?”

You smiled sadly. “You can lie to yourself, Jim, but I know when you’re happy.” You forced your smile into your usual wicked smirk. “I think you’re just afraid of the competition.”

#Jim Kirk #jim kirk x reader #jim kirk imagines #jim kirk imagine #james kirk #james kirk x reader #james kirk imagine #james kirk imagines #star trek #star trek imagines #star trek imagine

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homenum-revelio-hq · 5 years ago

Photo

Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Beth!

You have been accepted for the role of RYLAND GREENGRASS! We really enjoyed your application, especially the in-depth details that you gave to Ryland’s background and his family. We also loved how you didn’t shy away from Ryland being against werewolves, as that is something 99% of the population would’ve felt at this time. We’re so excited to have him aboard!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Beth AGE: 24 TIMEZONE: CST ACTIVITY LEVEL: My activity will be able to continue as it has been. Most weeks I’m able to get online at least twice for replies, sometimes more. Outside the school day I’m usually lurking on Discord for plotting, even when I’m not actively on Tumblr. ANYTHING ELSE: None to report

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Ryland Greengrass AGE: September 3, 1953 (28) GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Ryland is a cismale who uses traditional He/Him pronouns. Outwardly he is straight. Inwardly, well, he thinks he is, but Ryland has also never let his mind dwell on the way his eyes traced the flexed arms of male Quidditch players or the nimble fingers of his friends. What he really would identify with if he took the time to properly reflect and learn some options is anyone’s guess, but he certainly is not the strait-laced straight man he thinks he is. BLOOD STATUS: Halfblood HOUSE ALUMNI: Ravenclaw ANY CHANGES: He’s wonderful just the way he is.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Ryland is a generally quiet guy. That’s always been true, but being an ungifted wizard at age eleven will only compound any natural instincts to avoid attention. Although he found plenty of magical skills elsewhere (that he’ll pull out as proof at the slightest provocation), that chip on his shoulder has never really healed. Ryland is also quick to be pulled into an argument over values. When it comes to things Ryland cares about, his disposition morphs into one of the passionate debater, although he will admit that he sometimes lets emotion get the best of him in such situations. He cares a lot and sometimes runs his mouth without thinking. That’s his competitive and compassionate sides winning out over his better judgement.

Although Ryland always struggled with wand magic, he was an excellent flyer, pretty decent at Astronomy, and got better at Potions as he went. His natural curiosity—and a strong desire to find something academic he was good at—led him to add as many classes as possible in third year. He excelled at Arithmancy and Study of Ancient Ruins. The work provided puzzles for Ryland to solve, and he quickly developed a talent that gained him praise from his professors. He’d always known he was meant to be in Ravenclaw and that the hat had chosen right, but he finally had the passion project to prove it. He threw himself into his numbers and symbols work full time by joining the Magical Theory extracurricular class and even picking up side problems from library books where he tried for fun to solve theorems that had stumped wizard-kind for centuries.

Ryland took that problem-solving to Quidditch after he made the team as seeker his third year, and his talents were recognized when he made captain his sixth year. He toyed with trying to pursue a career in the professional level sport, but Ryland wanted to feel like what he did for a living made a difference. As much as he loved Quidditch, he didn’t think that would.

As an adult, Ryland tried to keep his head down at work and socially unless something directly involved him, but listening to his family talk politics led him to chase down rumors of the Order to feel like he could make a difference. Ryland wanted to do something that mattered and that made a difference in people’s lives, but there wass a small part of him that looked at the organization as another way to prove himself. He still isn’t great with a wand, but Ryland’s skills have come in handy in his personal, professional, and extracurricular vigilante life. He has proved himself more than once and was mostly content with that.

Captivity has changed him. The already quiet Ryland has become even more withdrawn, and it’s rare for him to take the initiative to start a conversation for himself. If he has a quippy comment, he’s much more likely to keep it to himself. He isn’t sleeping well at night and would like to blame that for why he’s so jumpy at little things. He has a hard time trusting that anyone is who they say they are and intends to do what they say they will. He feels listless and lost, wanting to pretend everything is normal but having that crumble around him more and more every day.

“BRIEF” OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Family tree found here: https://66.media.tumblr.com/c99c5fb1546f15aec17a9dace3acbda4/e31bc90a8e13c282-1d/s1280x1920/cf3519093477810b9eff505fd4268726d60eccc9.png

Zaria Ollivander came from an old and loyal family who knew the value of unity. Their wands could not have lasted a millennia without such drive, and though she herself possessed no gift for wand-making—and was honestly discouraged to develop the skill, as a woman who could carry on a family name, but not her own—she never forgot the importance of family. Soon after her Hogwarts graduation, she was married to Hawthorne Greengrass. Her family joked that while she’d never had a talent for wands in the past, she’d finally found her proper material (or proper wood, as her rather drunk brother joked once; she made him regret ever doing so) to properly craft something magical. Zaria agreed. The Greengrass family was an equally old and prosperous one. She planned to lead it to great things.

It seemed like a sign from magic itself when in quick succession, she and Hawthorne were blessed with three sons. Archer, Verner, and Brighton grew up having everything they could want and learning all the expected superiority they should for a breeding as pure and wonderful as theirs. The only potential testiness in Zaria and Hawthorne’s childrearing plans was Hawthorne’s baby brother who loved to spend time with the children and read to them. Zaria wasn’t too put out by Beedle bedtime stories, but when Sorrel turned to “The Twelve Dancing Princesses” and other muggle fairytales, Zaria wasn’t pleased. Hawthorne placated her with the promise that it wouldn’t affect their education and that family was too important to risk losing over such a small argument. That was all well and good, but Zaria couldn’t help use the same bitter logical to decide it was unfair that when her eldest Archer was only fifteen, Hawthorne and Sorrel took a trip to Italy that turned deadly due to a potions accident.

Zaria grieved privately, but outwardly she remained the same imposing matriarch she’d been since her marriage. Losing the head of the family and his spare could have been devastating, but Zaria hit the ground running with an iron rule that her sons never wished to question. They loved and trusted their mother too much.

Unfortunately Asher must have picked up a little of his uncle’s peculiarities. He’d shocked the family by taking Muggle Studies in school, something Hawthorne had assumed was just a phase. His son wasn’t soft or necessarily muggle-loving, after all. It was a quick. That quirk persisted in a slight disregard for tradition. Asher was still a Greengrass and therefore knew the importance of family, but he placed less importance on pureblooded tradition. His mother nearly fainted the day he told her he had asked Rosalie Ross to marry him. The only saving grace for Zaria was that at least her son had enough sense to choose a halfblooded witch with a few generations of magic flowing through her veins.

Rosalie Ross knew she’d been underestimated the moment her future mother-in-law laid eyes on her, but she wasn’t about to roll over and let herself be bad-mouthed. Instead she endeavored to stay tall and proud in the face of whatever snide comments came from her husband’s relatives. Whether they liked it or not, Rosalie was family new. Rosalie Greengrass didn’t have the same romantic ring as her maiden name, but if anyone suspected her of purposefully giving her son a name that would be just as poetic as her own had been, no one accused her aloud.

She loved Ryland dearly and spoiled him rotten. Asher wasn’t quite the same soft-hearted spirit as his wife, but Rosalie watched him share his fondness with their son in his own way. Four years later when she finally found herself pregnant again, Rosalie was overjoyed, and Asher broke his normally quiet routine to share their joy with anyone who would listen. Ryland didn’t trust the idea of a younger sibling, but that changed when Paisley arrived. He was her fierce protector, kind and patient with her, even at age six. No one was more devasted than he was when she contracted dragon pox.

Rosalie and Asher made the hard decision to shut Paisley away where her brother couldn’t get to her. A four-year-old’s chances of surviving the disease weren’t great, and they had to be realistic. While they continued to push for any medical treatments possible, the grieving parents had already made vowed not to let the disease take two children from them. Ryland never got the chance to properly say goodbye.

He was never quite the same child after that, and while he was still gentle by nature, Ryland began picking fights with his cousins when they didn’t mind their words. Verner and Brighton both warned their brother he had a budding sympathizer in his home, but Asher paid them no mind. He saw nothing wrong with a few liberal ideas about muggleborns. They weren’t on the same level as muggles themselves.

Rosalie knew it was a blow to her husband’s ego when news of Ryland’s first year first reached home. He had seemed to be off to a promising start in Ravenclaw; however, that proved to be less of an assurance that he would be talented than his parents had thought. His struggles with any kind of magic quickly became apparent, and Ryland lagged behind his peers in even the most basic spells. As an emergency measure, Zaria took him to get a replacement wand when he was home at Christmas, despite reminders from her older brother Garrick that a wand couldn’t solve anything. They found one just as willing to have Ryland as the first, and he packed up both to return to school. His grades didn’t improve. He switched between wands. When he went back for his second year, Ryland still took both, but he began using the original exclusively again. It felt better in his grip, and the wand held no ill feelings for his forced betrayal.

The rest of the family delighted in Ryland’s failings. There was the proof of what they’d always believed: even a little muggle blood sullied the whole line. Of course, Rosalie never heard those comments because her brothers-in-law and their wives were more careful than that, but Asher pressed his lips together and bared it with only small remarks.

When Ryland reached third year, he took as many classes as he could fit into his schedule, discovering several new skills in the process. That didn’t change his family’s opinions, though, and the alienation he felt from his uncles’ sides of the family only grew as he developed more liberal ideas about muggles and magic. Grandma Zaria still treated him the same, still only made lemon bars with Ryland (just as she had a specific recipe for each of her children and grandchildren), but things were tense, and she didn’t pretend not to notice. She often warned him that he had to stop rising to the bait because his uncles and cousins were only looking for a fight.

He didn’t listen. He never did. It soon became clear that his cousins Lachlan, Ewan, and Lachlan’s wife Delilah were likely Death Eaters. If his other extended family members weren’t, they were at least supportive. Only Zaria seemed to keep completely above it all, but she cared more about family loyalty than any loyalty to a zealot’s cause.

Even with all their differences, even with all their animosity, Ryland thought he was safe among them. After all, they were family.

OCCUPATION:

Gringotts Researcher—Prior to his kidnapping, Ryland had worked his way up to a coveted spot on the Gringotts vault security team. It had him doing valuable work within Gringotts that also occasionally gave him access to sensitive vaults whose contents might interest the Order. However, his position was given away during his absence, as he clearly hadn’t asked vacation time. Gringotts did allow him to come back into their employment, but he’s been rerouted to another division for the only available position fitting his talents. He’s now a researcher for Gringotts Cursebreakers, which means he spends a lot of time poring over old books and offering practical advice. The work doesn’t interest him as much, as it reverted him from creating puzzles to solving them, but at least it’s still of potential interest in the Order in its own way. He hasn’t lost all his usefulness to the world.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Ryland was perhaps a bit naïve when he joined the Order, treating it a bit like a club rather than an underground vigilante group. He did catch on to the stakes fairly quickly, but it’s not like he had fighting expertise to provide anyway. What he did have was a mind for puzzles and occasional access to old vaults owned by long-standing and distinguished pureblood families. The latter gives him some inside information that is occasionally of use while the former makes him a capable problem-solver and researcher. He knows he’s not the only person in the Order with those skills—far from it—but they did allow him the opportunity to mid-level over the years. Ryland doesn’t necessarily agree with all the decisions that are made, and occasionally he’s spoken up when he disagreed. Mostly he’s been the quiet guy in the background who helps theoretically take things apart.

After his ambush, Ryland thought rescue would come pretty quickly. It was common speculation that he had Death Eater relatives, although Ryland hadn’t taken it personally. He was hardly the only one in the Order with that kind of suspicion on family members. Surely they would put the pieces together and rescue him. The longer that passed, though, the less likely that seemed. Ryland grew bitter thinking about people he’d considered colleagues and even friends. Eventually it occurred to him that he wasn’t important enough to be worth a rescue operation, even if anyone did put the pieces together correctly. That stung worse than anything else.

Once he’s back, Ryland will be incredibly distrusting of anyone and unable to stick his neck out for any kind of personal risk when he has pretty good evidence now that he won’t be supported if those risks increase. That said, he cannot walk away. Not only does he owe them for his eventual rescue, but he also has no one left. Without the Order, Ryland will be completely isolated and alone. He can’t stand that idea, even if Ryland feels bitter about this whole situation and his own dependence on people who clearly don’t care about him or anyone else compared to the cause itself.

SURVIVAL:

Only an old pureblood family could have extra lands and homes not in use to just pass on to the next generation. Ryland doesn’t have a family estate or anything like that, but he has been legally gifted an old family vacation home in Bath. It hadn’t been used regularly since his grandmother was a little girl, and Ryland was able to fix it up and bestow (through Orders, not his own wand work) new charms and protections over it to keep people out without his blessing. Security is what he does for a living, after all. The house was so heavily warded that his family couldn’t break in during his imprisonment, so he still has it as a safe house. The wards have only increased in his newfound paranoia post-rescue.

He wants to spend a lot of his time that he isn’t at work in his house because it feels more secure, but he spent so much time alone. Ryland has been in solitary confinement when not being tortured for the past three months. He needs a little noise, a little human interaction, even if it makes him nervous. The Order safe houses have their own levels of security, so he is likely to be lurking around the corner from the action, still skittish around people and especially around these people he previously thought he could trust.

Ryland said a lot of things under duress to try to stop the pain or to keep himself alive. He had bones broken over and over, and only the Death Eater’s willingness to heal him after has kept him from permanent disfigurement (which only serves as further proof in his mind that Ryland had family helping with those sessions). He has a lot of guilt about it now and frequently wakes up in the middle of the night over it, when he manages to sleep at all. In the coming months, he’s going to struggle with some dependency issues as he struggles to find a healthier coping mechanism than sleeping draughts every night. He knows they aren’t healthy long term, but when nothing else seems to work, what is he to do? It’s likely he’ll end up buying things that are not entirely legal to cope with the pain and his own inner turmoil.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Is anything in Ryland’s fault not falling apart right now? Or at least not at risk? He’s spent over three months being tortured physically and mentally while his hope slowly corroded away in desolation. No one was coming for him. That was a fact he fully accepted for at least a month, possibly more since he didn’t exactly have a great way to keep time while locked up. It will take time for him to rebuild his trust for people. The people he most hoped would come are also the people he has the least trust in right now. He can’t look his parents in the face anymore, even though he’s mostly sure they weren’t involved.

His old friends should have known something was wrong. They should have known that Ryland wasn’t the kind of person who just up and disappeared without warning. The fact that no one seemed to look for him and that no one who says they did apparently looked very hard have not been easy potions to drink. Ryland desperately wants to be around people again now that he has the chance, but even if he did trust them, the noise of crowds or groups make him nervous. All of this in combination means that he’s currently hard to be around, doesn’t know who he wants to be around, but needs to be around someone. He has a lot of anger and accusations that seem perfectly reasonable to him, given what he’s just gone through. Ryland only hopes he won’t lose everyone in the process.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: Ryland/Chemistry—I have no preconceived ship ideas for him, although based on his character relationships, Ryland/Gideon, unattainable Ryland/Archie, or one sided Ryland/Isla all seem to have some potential seeds to sew if eventual players are interested. If anything buds with another male character, he may take a little gay panic to get there. Regardless of gender, he’s not exactly in the most trusting place right now to start a healthy relationship, so it’s going to take time or not be great with his mental state.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Ryland’s family seems to have one token liberal per generation to more extreme levels. Sorrel liked muggle stories. Asher didn’t see what was so bad about supposed mudbloods. Ryland finds muggles fascinating in a purely academic sense. He refuses to see them as anything other than people deserving of care and consideration. He once almost made his grandmother faint with a comment that he didn’t think a woman’s blood status mattered in her marriageability. That said, Ryland doesn’t really understand the muggle world. He’s never spent any time in it and knows next to nothing about the people. His fight in the Order is less about protecting muggles and more about evening the playing field in the magical world. As much as he loves his family—and has to acknowledge their position in it—Ryland doesn’t think the old traditions of rigidly structured hierarchies and frequent inbreeding of pureblood families can be sustained for many more generations. Everything has reached a point where it can tip either way, and he’d rather not see the world tip into chaos.

Still, there are a lot of things that old structure has provided to Ryland, including his home. He has to acknowledge them, but he often doesn’t look at the far-reaching implications of what all that has afforded him.

On another note, Ryland’s general feelings about magical equality don’t necessarily extend to other magical creatures. He works with goblins all day and respects their intelligence and powers. He can appreciate that many house elves can easily do things without a wand that he struggles to accomplish with one. Half-breeds, though, make him nervous for a variety of reasons. Half-veela are hard to trust when they can manipulate people so, and that seems like a security risk. Werewolves are even worse in Ryland’s mind. His baby sister was isolated before her death because she had a deadly contagious disease. That description matches lycanthropy only all too well to Ryland, and he doesn’t understand why more people don’t see the concern of letting werewolves walk among them pretending to be regular wix instead of the disease-carrying risks they are.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? You people keep pulling me in by being so wonderful for idea bouncing and muse possibilities. I’m not going anywhere, and I look forward to introducing my sad boy.

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

It could be interesting to potentially have to make a difficult choice related to family; however, Ryland needs a little time to work through the trauma first. It’s also possible he learned something in captivity that might spur Order action.

On a personal character growth note, I really like the idea of him fueling his pain and healing into turning his home into a kind of sanctuary for people whose families have turned against them like his or who don’t have anyone to turn back to. Eventually I’d like him to be running a foster home, especially for Hogwarts-aged teens. This wouldn’t be an immediate thing.

ANYTHING ELSE? Nope!

#thank you for your patience with us <3 #homenumaccepted

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softforcal · 6 years ago

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could you do slytherin!cal and hufflepuff!luke poly!cake x reader xxx

-okay so readers house isnt specified, i’ve done I’m pretty sure the only reader house i haven’t done is Gryffindor and i could feel this vibe hard core so lets gooo

-you’re this gorgeous Gryffindor and people’s love for you goes cross house, like everyone appreciates how amazing you are

-Hufflepuff!Luke absolutely adores you and you’ve been friends since first year

-Slytherin!Cal is a more recent friend, but he is head over heels for you too

-you usually hang out with Cal and Luke but sometimes Slytherin!Michael or Gryffindor!Ashton will tag along too

-but usually just you, Luke and Cal

-people are kinda confused by you three being friends

-Slytherin’s usually stick to their houses so Cal being friends with both you and Luke is kinda odd

-Cal is so protective over you and Luke though, like even as friends, if anyone tries to talk shit about the three of you being buds, this Slytherin!Quidditch Captain will fuck them up

-you and Luke are best buds with Cal so of course the two of you are always invited to Slytherin Quidditch after parties (no Slytherins can argue about this either because Cal will fuck them up)

-usually you keep the partying and dancing pretty PG

-but after a huge win for Cal, you he and Luke are dancing and Cal gets a little friskier than normal

-his hands go to your hips as he pulls your back close to his front

-Luke looks a little confused at first but you pull him closer to your front

-you’re sandwiched in between them

-then Cal’s lips are on your neck

-Luke looks a little confused by that too but then one of his hands is cupping your face and his lips are on yours

-you’re surprised but you go with it for a moment before realizing, like what the fuck is happening and you pull away from them both, pushing through the crowd and leaving the Slytherin Common Room to a hallway where you can get some air

-of course Cal and Luke are right behind you ready to apologize

-”Y/N im so sorry-” “i don’t know what came over me-”

-”guys calm down.” you laugh, “i just needed a breath, let me think for a moment.”

-they kinda just stand there while you take a few deep breaths

-once they deem you calm, Luke grabs your hand and just smiles slightly at you, “what are you thinking?”

-”i think you guys are both my best friends and i don’t want to ruin a friendship with one of you by choosing between you.” you stated.

-i mean, valid point. they’d always known that they were both into you but never really talked about it, but they get what you’re afraid of so…

-”i understand.” “me too.”… “do you want to go back and enjoy the party Y/N?”

-you opt out to leave because you really need to just process what happened. they watch you go and Luke sits on the floor, Calum following suit, its about time they actually talk about it

-”so uh… how do you want to do this?”

-they end up talking for hours about everything and they’re such great buds and they both agree that the three of you are such a great team and they don’t want to ruin that either… but what if they don’t have to

-”we could both date her?” “yeah, i mean, i wouldn’t be jealous.” “me neither.” “we both enjoy her so well already, it would just sorta be another step.”

-the next morning you leave your common room to go to breakfast and find both your boys sitting in the hallway waiting for you

-”hey.” Calum says, hugging you and kissing your cheek, then Luke hugs you with a grin “how did you sleep?” “fine…. what’s up you guys?”

-”we were thinking… what if we both date you?”

-”you guys gotta stop surprising me with stuff.” you laugh, obviously kinda freaking out again

-they both grin and pull you into a big hug, but it feels so right, between your guys

-”and you guys wont be jealous of each other? i mean, come on Cal, you’re a Slytherin, you guys are kinda known for being possessive and aggressive and-” Luke steps in like: “are you trash talking Calum?” and you and Cal are both so shook that Luke just stood up for Calum when usually its the other way around, that you’re all laughing

-in that moment you know that it will work out

-”okay.” “okay? just like that?” “just like that.”

-so Luke grabs your hand and Cal’s arm goes over your shoulders and the three of you walk down to breakfast grinning like idiots

-the three of you sitting across from Ash and Michael and Michael’s just like “you three are too happy.” and Ash is like “no they’re always this happy.” and Michael rolls his eyes like “yes, but we can’t see both of Calum’s hands.” and thats when everyone else notices that Michael is a genius because Calum totally has one of his hands on your upper thigh (Ashton straight up looks under the table to catch Cal with his hand on your thigh)

-but it’s so new and how do you even describe it to people. i mean, ya’ll haven’t even had a date or anything so? i mean? are they your boyfriends? are you dating them? what do you even say?

-Cal saves the day with “Ashton it’s not my fault you don’t have friends who let you touch their thighs.” and of course this distracts Ashton because they have a semi bickering love hate relationship and then Ash gets defensive like “yes i do!” “oh yeah who? the only person i ever see you sitting next to is Michael.” “don’t drag me into this Cal.” “Michael i’m going to grab your thigh and i need you to not fight me on this.” “what the fuck Ashton!?”

-there’s only a few places to go on dates at Hogwarts lets be serious, so you probably end up somewhere at Hogsmeade

-starting at Honeydukes where they both buy a bunch of candy that you then all share while walking around

-its probably snowing and it’s cold as fuck but they both want to hold your hands or something so Cal’s hand goes into your back pocket and Luke holds your hand in your jacket pocket

-having to let go of one of their hands to eat candy and they get annoyed of that so they just begin to feed you

-cute, soft, snowfall dates with these boys is my life okay?!

-Cal sees someone he knows and leaves you and Luke to go talk to them for a bit

-while he’s gone Luke pulls you to his chest and is looking down at you, and of course (as always) he looks like a complete angel and then you find yourself kissing him

-Cal gets back and is grinning like “what, i don’t get a little sugar too?” and you laugh, pulling him into a kiss

-could you imagine if you still had a candy in your mouth and to be funny you push it into his and he just laughs his ass off because you actually gave him some sugar

-so much soft laughter with these two

-i am so soft for cake

-and you’re all so cold getting back to Hogwarts and Cal convinces you and Luke to sneak into one of the prefects bathrooms for a hot bath

-”come on Gryffindor, aren’t you supposed to be brave?” he teases, and then you and Cal are both dragging Luke to the bathroom

-”guys we shouldn’t be doing this.” Luke warns

-but then you and Cal are taking Luke’s clothes off and your clothes all end in a pile as you and Cal are wading into the hot soapy water and Luke just stands there shuffling before deciding to join

-and so begins the corruption of Hufflepuff Luke by a Slytherin and a Gryffindor

-Cal comes up with ideas of things for you guys to do and manages to edge you into it by bringing up “Gryffindor is the house of the brave!” and then the two of you corrupt Luke, never force him, but how can he just not sometimes?

-anyways, back to the bath, i won’t get into the schematics of water not being lube but seeing you as exposed as they ever have gets them both a little wild and horny

-ya’ll really wanna fuck but hold off because it’s still new

-but the sexual tension is super obvious, especially from Cal who practically growls whenever you do anything sexy

-somehow, on the same day, Ashton pulls Luke aside and hands him some lube (Luke gets hella flustered) and Michael just throws a bottle of lube at Calum who just laughs

-both guys meeting up with bottles of lube and being so confused that the other two had lube but neither of them did?

-neither of them really wants to think about why Ashton and Michael both have lube but Cal starts to get really vivid images in his head and he gets this haunted look every time Ashton is around

-Cal and Luke gotta figure out where they’re even going to fuck you the first time, i mean, there are dorm rooms and unless you plan it to make sure no one is going to just show up in the middle, its a tough one

-so where do they even fuck you?

-one day Luke is walking through the school and just stops, turning and looking at where a door has appeared, he opens it and finds a room with a large bed. room of requirement is a wingman yo

-”hey Cal, i found a place.” “oh yeah where?” “the room of requirement.” “Luke you can’t be serious.”

-they go check it out and Cal laughs his ass off

-later that night they bring you there and then you and Cal are both laughing your asses off and have to assure Luke that you both love it but its just funny that the room decided to help ya’ll get laid

-they both pull out the Lube, of course the one Michael gave Cal is some weird as fuck wizard flavour like Turkey Dinner or some shit that actually tastes like turkey dinner so you all choose Ashton’s mundane, muggle, flavourless lube

-its kinda awkward at first because this sort of thing does take some planning for the first time.

-you’re all on the bed and then Cal just sits up, opens your legs, gets between them and starts kissing you

-Cal’s grinding against you and you’re both moaning and you move your hand to try to find Luke but somehow you hand lands on his cock and then he starts groaning too

-they both just sort of work on a different part of you

-Cal proving he’s a master of eating a girl out while Luke kisses you and grabs your tits

-DP where you’re riding Luke and Cal is behind you (DP = double penetration)

-Cal is dirtier than Luke and that becomes obvious from the first time Cal’s hand lands down on your ass and Luke’s eyes widen as he looks at Cal over your shoulder

-its actually amazing and you all end up just cuddling after

-Luke needs a lot of pampering so probably you and Cal lying on your backs, Cal’s arm around you while Luke cuddles into your side with his head on your chest

-who would have fucking known that a threesome between a Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Slytherin would be so hella?

-they were serious when they said they wouldn’t get jealous of each other

-like so much happiness and smiles and love

-Slytherin!Cal is more into exhibitionism than Hufflepuff!Luke so usually this is where the little push and convincing comes in

-you and Cal give each other a lot of hickies and Luke feels left out so you both adorn his neck too

-”so… turkey dinner.” “Michael we didn’t use your weird tasting lube.” “well how would you know its weird if you never tasted it?” “he caught you Cal.” “Luke shut up.”

-the only house who doesn’t have an opinion on you, Cal and Luke is Ravenclaw because they’re the only house without someone involved in the triad

-the Hufflepuffs think it’s cute and they’re super accepting of Calum because since things got serious, he’s been even more protective of all the Hufflepuffs

-the Gryffindors love Luke but they’re all kinda confused about how Calum fits into the equation

-the Slytherins are also confused because Cal is their golden boy and he’s with a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff?!? no one saw that shit coming

-Calum gets you and Luke Slytherin scarves for when you’re both cheering him on when he plays Quidditch

-kissing Luke every time Slytherin gets a point

-partying with these boys when Cal carries his team to a win and then the three of you slipping off to the room of requirement or the prefect bathroom

-people being kinda jealous because you have the hottest Slytherin (voted three years in a row) and the Angel Faced Hufflepuff?

-long, warm, happy cuddles

-contented sighs

-fingers tracing patterns on skin

-fingers intertwining

-waking up to sunshine

-you and Luke hugging the shit out of Calum after every Quidditch game

-so many smiles

-so much love

-the first ‘i love you’ being whispered while cuddling

-you and Luke being there for Cal when he gets new tattoos that dance across his beautiful skin

-Cal totally having a Slytherin legacy ring that he slips on your finger even though its so big it almost falls off

-Luke and Cal notice how much you like the ring so Luke and Cal go find three, beautiful matching rings for the three of you

-them presenting the ring to you with grins and showing you that all of you have matching ones

-they do this thing where Cal spins you around and then Luke grabs you and spins you around and they take turns making you dizzy until you’re laughing so hard you’re almost crying

-happy tears only

-fuck it i’m just going to say Cal somehow has his own room. fuck it, i dunno all the rules at hogwarts. anyways, he has his own small room that he sneaks you and Luke into sometimes, usually the weekends when you don’t have class so you can all wake up next to each other

-Slytherins all just roll their eyes at you and Luke sneaking in because Luke is giant and gets caught like every time

-also if they say shit, Cal will fuck them up.

-Cal is a horny morning person

-he just gets on top of you and buries his face in your neck while Luke grins

-soft kisses

-fluttering eye lashes

-lazy kisses

-all of you being so lovey dovey together but especially in the mornings when you’re all basking in the happiness of being together

-holy fuck i’ve just realized how long this is. i should probably stop.

-um… yeah, its cute as fuck yo

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thewildwaffle · 7 years ago

Text

Abduction - Chapter 6

Yes, you read right. Chapter 6. In that this is the 6th part of this story. In that there are 5 chapters before this one. If this is the first you’ve seen of my “Humans are weird/space orcs” story, click below and read the previous chapters. It’ll make more sense that way, I promise!

First Chapter Previous Chapter Next Chapter

“I swear, I was just popping my knuckles. I’m fine. Can you stop touching me?”

Mike almost laughed, but he caught himself and hid his smile. It was funny, but not funny enough to risk Wenona getting mad at him. Gerben had nearly lost it after he heard the series of popping noises coming from her when she got up after a routine health check.

“Are you certain nothing’s broken?” Gerben still had Wenona’s hands in his long fingers, inspecting them for signs of injury. “Perhaps the pain hasn’t registered with you yet?”

“I’m fine. I am, I swear, just give me back my hand.” Gerben gave the hands one last look over before releasing them enough for Wenona to yank them back.

“Don’t worry, Gerben, it happens all the time, totally harmless,” Mike jumped in before either Wenona or the medic could say anything else. “People do it all the time. Well, uh, human people do it all the time, see?” He popped his knuckles as a demonstration. “It’s just tiny pockets of gas escaping the joints and stuff. It’s healthy.”

The look on Gerben’s feathered face looked less than convinced.

“I can pop my back too if you want to see.” “Please. Don’t.”

Of the two medics, Mike had quickly decided that he prefered Demfar. That guy was one inquisitive and easy-to-impress space-squid. Though he did like Gerben too. It was a different kind of like. Gerben was fun to get a rise or reaction out of every time some new “human thing” was discovered. Popping joints was just the latest on a long, long list that made Gerben’s face scrunch up in funny shapes.

“A-herm.”

All eyes turned toward the sound.

“Jebannuck! You’re early.” Mike thought he heard the slightest hint of relief in Gerben’s voice.

“Jeb! What is up my dude!”

“Are the humans ready?” He ignored Mike’s greeting while he stepped into the room and folded his arms across his chest. Mike hadn’t known him long, a few days, maybe a week. Had it been a week? It’s hard to keep track of time with everything that had been going on. Go figure. But in the time he’d known Jebannuck - however long it’d been - he could tell he was a bit of a stickler for proper procedures.

“We’re going to be getting something to eat first, right? Before we meet with Salora?” Wenona chimed in.

“That’s Captain Salora. And yes. We’ll be stopping in the cafeteria before I escort you to the bridge.”

“Sweet. What are we waiting for, let’s go!” Mike stretched his arms over his head. A few pops from his shoulders made Gerben wince. “Oops! Sorry bud, see ya later!”

They’d been to the cafeteria a few times now. Twice a “day” cycle, or whatever. It was always fun. Not the first time, though. It was a little freaky, actually. Their escort, who was usually Jebannuck, tried to time visits when it wasn’t very busy. There was always someone though.

He felt a lot more convinced that no one here meant any harm as soon as he found out that none of the aliens on the ship even slightly resembled a Montauk. With that established, it became something of an adventure to meet as many members of the crew as he could.

Pretty much everyone acted SUPER nice and curious about their new human passengers, and, well, they acted the same way most humans would if the roles were reversed. Mike, thoroughly enjoying himself, tried to meet and remember as many new (sometimes strange-sounding) named aliens as he could get within earshot of. Wenona, on the other hand, had been less excited by the attention. Jebannuck, and sometimes Ghem-et if he was there, did his best to divert crewmates from crowding the humans. Mike noticed that Wenona usually stayed pretty close to Jebannuck’s side whenever there were too many aliens around.

It wasn’t often though. Captain Salora, the medics, and their escorts had all proved very adept at making sure the humans were given plenty of space. But Mike could tell there were a few on the crew that were chomping at the bit to get in a little closer with their new passengers.

In fact, here came that orange furball now.

“Greetings Human Wenona, Human Michael! How fortunate that our paths cross!”

Jebannuck raised his brows. “I thought you were in the hospital wing, Thurrin. Feeling much better already, are we?”

“What? Oh. Yeah, I am, actually. Must have just been in need of a good stroll. Cleared my head right up!”

“Is that why we always saw you sneaking around outside the medic bay? It’s great to finally officially meet you, I’m Mike.” He held out his hand.

Thurrin tilted her head at the human’s gesture, before reaching out and patting Mike’s fingers a few times. “Good to meet you Mike, I’m Thurrin from the planet Bernor.”

“Thurrin, I thought I’d made myself clear that you, and the rest of the crew, were to not crowd the humans.”

“Aww, come on man,” Mike interjected, “We’re on a ship full of creatures from other planets and yet we’re lonely,” Mike bent backwards as they walked to add drama, earning a surprised and somewhat worried look from Jebannuck’s, and a giggle from Thurrin. “Or at least I am. We never really get to meet or interact, ya know? I don’t mean that you’re not great to hang out with, Jeb, but I’d really like to get to know more, uh, people”

“My name is Jebannuck, not Jeb.”

Thurrin led them to a nearby bench and table and quickly laid claim to her favorite cushion, “Humans are social creatures, they need to pack bond. Eepereep told me so.”

“And what about you, since when were booka so social?” “We can be social when we want to. And on top of that, we’re inherently curious by nature.” “Curious? Or just nosy?”

Thurrin gave a pouting look at Jebannuck, the fur on the back of her neck flickered a dark shade of red.

Wenona gave a small chuckle, “What a grumpy kitty,” and reached out to scratch Thurrin’s ears. Everyone froze. Wenona pulled her hand back. “Oh, I… I’m sorry. Oh my gosh, I wasn’t thinking. I, I grew up with a cat and… I’m sorry, okay? Can everyone stop freakin’ looking at me? Are we going to eat, or what?”

“Um, yeah. What’s for lunch this time, Jeb?”

“Human Michael, my name is Jebannuck, not Jeb.”

“No promises, Jeb...annuck. But I you’ll have to call me Mike, not Michael.”

Jebannuck sighed, “Very well, Human Mike. Your meal will be a banchip mash and a side of raw ruproot.”

“Again? That’s all we’ve had since we’ve been aboard.”

“Improvement from the last ship we were on,” muttered Wenona.

“Our information on humans is still quite limited. Once we dock at the outpost, we can upload the entirety of the Confederation’s data files on your race. That will include a list of foods we have available that are compatible with your digestive system. Until then, we’ll just have to stick with what we know won’t make you sick, or worse.”

“Aw, I knew you cared about us, Jeb.”

Jebannuck closed his eyes and sighed before he got up to walk to the food dispenser window. “You can do this, Jebannuck. Quick meal, visit with the captain, and then back to the medical bay. You can do this.”

#abduction #HUMANS ARE WEIRD #humans are space orcs #aliens #humans and aliens #thurrin #jebannuck #mike #wenona #space

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dreamofawonderfullife · 7 years ago

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Virtue and Moir's post-Olympic party still going strong

Eight years ago, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir's first Olympic gold medal was celebrated with a parade through Ilderton.

This time, the ice dance stars are flipping the script.

“It’s our turn to say thank you to everyone,” Virtue said this week from Halifax, where the cross-Canada Stars on Ice tour launches Friday.

The skaters are going to throw a bash for fans. The early target is the August long weekend in Ilderton, by the arena, right near the Moir clan’s backyard.

“Alma and Joe’s house, it’s a pretty good green room for a party,” Scott said, referring to his parents’ place. “I want to get some good people in there, some bands, and we want to give back and raise some money for charity. We’ve been so blessed. The London and Ilderton community has always given us such great support.”

They have been in demand these past two months since their PyeongChang return. Their winning appeal — and the fascination over their relationship status — landed them on Ellen’s talk show, giving the Canadians some well-earned publicity in the massive, yet hard-to-crack, American market.

“It was a lot of fun. There was so much energy, and we can always frame that in the context of what it means to the sport,” the 29-year-old Virtue said. “It’s good for ice dance and figure skating any time we have the chance to broaden that audience. We’re thrilled to do that. By no means was that ever a goal of ours. We just wanted to win the Olympics. The added benefits of whatever happened afterward, that’s just icing on the cake.”

Lately, the questions naturally have turned toward their future. What’s next?

Virtue is becoming a budding businessperson. She is the face of Nivea’s skin care line in Canada and has a keen eye for endorsement opportunities. When she’s not taking over TV networks for a day, she’s on the cover of another magazine.

She works hard to build strong relationships with companies and media partners.

Moir, who comes from a highly-regarded family of figure skating coaches, is helping out at the Ilderton club. It wouldn’t be surprising to see him eventually reach Brian Orser-like status, overseeing some of the best skaters in the world.

“I think the neat thing about our partnership is we’re so connected in what we do and the majority of our career has been intertwined,” Virtue said. “That’s been so incredibly special and we’ve talked at length about what that means to us. We’re also such different people pursuing such different things off the ice and it’s been nice to dive into various business opportunities while watching Scott passionately delve into the sport and setting up a competitive school. I’m so proud of him, much the same way I get support from him.”

“We still have that touchstone together always with skating. That will and always be the No. 1 priority.”

The tour — which arrives in London Sunday, May 6 — is booming. Ticket sale are “pretty insane”, according to Moir, and they’re preparing to perform in front of packed houses.

The skater, who famously skipped mandatory practice for the Olympic closing gala, couldn’t wait to start working on their show programs (which include Michael Jackson’s You Rock My World and, of course, the full four-minute Moulin Rouge free dance that clinched gold in South Korea).

“I was excited to come on tour. I never felt that way my whole career, and I love to skate,” the 30-year-old Moir said. “It usually kicks in a couple of days later, once you get rolling, but something stirred with us. It’s the cast we have here. There’s a great energy, and we’re seeing the impact of what the Canadian team accomplished in February. Back home, the numbers at the club are good. We have six dance teams and I’m proud to say we have eight boys skating at Ilderton.”

“I want to help them. I miss home when I’m gone. I miss being a contributing member of my family. That’s important to me. I do have a ton of projects, but I want to be involved in the lives of my nieces and nephews. I need to get back to that a little bit.”

He plans to visit schools, inspire young people and become a mentor, on and off the ice.

“I’ll focus on that the next couple of years, while I can, before people forget my name,” he said. “We’ve been lucky to be successful and have a bit of a platform. I think it’s my job and our duty to make sure we’re good role models, talk to kids and help them shape their lives through sport and extracurricular activities.”

“To me, that’s what being Canadian is all about.”

It’s not about the Internet meme that followed Moir since Games end of him standing up at the women’s gold medal hockey game, beer in hand and complaining to the referees.

“If there’s one athlete that doesn’t want that viral attention, it’s Scott,” Virtue said with a laugh.

Moir remembered talking to Olympic skeleton champ Jon Montgomery, still famous for chugging from a pitcher of beer on the streets of Whistler after his victory in 2010.

“He couldn’t shake that,” Moir said. “His corporate relationships, they just saw him as a beer-drinking party animal when that’s not really Jon at all. He’s a great athlete and person. I like to have a beer, but I also have to be mindful of what 13-year-olds see when they watch the Olympics. I want them to see sport moments. I try to stay away from that other stuff and I have Molson Canadian sending me fridges.”

“I don’t need to be on TV reacting to every single event. After that game, I did kind of shut it down. At the curling game, I was sitting between my parents being very well-behaved.”

Virtue and Moir were an important part of Canada’s Olympic viewing experience. It felt like they were on TV continuously, from the CBC documentary and commercials they did as lead-in, to carrying the flag at the opening ceremonies, through their performances and right until the end.

“Starting the Games by carrying the flag, that was an Olympic moment by itself right on par with competing,” Virtue said. “And then you go right through to the exhibition gala on the closing day.”

“We got a lot of Olympic time, which is awesome.”

They don’t get enough credit for their leadership in bringing together the Canadian figure skating team to deliver that first team gold — the one that made Patrick Chan an Olympic champ.

“I didn’t necessarily take that lead in Sochi (2014) and I regretted it,” Moir said. “After that Olympics, I talked with Meagan (Duhamel) and Eric (Radford, the pairs skaters who retired from competition Wednesday) and they were in the same boat. We felt we weren’t aggressive enough in our approach to the team event.”

“This time, we were. We talked about it a lot, sent emails. I’m pretty outspoken and maybe the guy branded as the captain because of it, but it was a complete team effort. Meagan drove the gold-or-nothing train. Because of Stars on Ice, we’ve travelled and lived together, grew up together and that was a special team feeling no other country had.”

“We relied on building each other up instead of cutting each other down, and we never let up.”

It turned into an old-fashioned blowout. By the time Virtue and Moir got on the bus to go perform their free dance, they found out the Canadians already had clinched gold.

“That was a different feeling,” Moir said. “Here you are, nervous and getting ready, and you look at your phone and find out you’re Olympic champion.”

But there was still extra motivation.

“For me, with all the Russian doping allegations, I wanted to crush them,” Moir said. “I didn’t want the Russian team to be able to say, ‘Well, oh, one of our pairs teams wasn’t here, so we lost (a nail-biter)’. We wanted to say back to them, ‘Yeah, are they going to skate seven times, because we beat you by eight points.’

“That whole event reminded us of how great Canada is. We do sport for the right reason. That win-at-all-cost mentality really brings us down. It was a tough year for amateur sport that way and we needed that at those Games.”

“I’m very passionate about that because that’s something we have to protect, clean sport.”

When controversy overtakes the Games, it ruins the stories the athletes want to tell. Virtue and Moir were able to make theirs shine through on their biggest stage.

“Tessa was really mindful of that,” Moir said. “She had that vision. It didn’t feel forced. Maybe when you’re younger, you’re playing the Olympian card, trying to prove yourself and it feels like you have four minutes on the ice to prove it.”

“We didn’t feel like we had to do that this time. We just knew that here it is, this is Tessa and Scott, we love what we do, we love each other and it’s a really authentic story.”

“People grabbed onto it and that has been fun for us.”

The partnership — and party planning — rolls on.

RYAN PYETTE

#article #very very very interesting article

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k-l-neidecker · 6 years ago

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One Person’s Take on what the Infinity War Pitch Room Conversation was Like — K. L. Neidecker

One Person’s Take on what the Infinity War Pitch Room Conversation was Like

A week or so back, I finally broke down and watched Avengers: Infinity War.

It took me a long time to get around to it. I’m not sure, but I think, perhaps, I’ve seen the requisite number of superhero movies one must watch to be considered a happy and productive human in modern society. Check that box, one piece of being an American consumer fully in place, now on to the next strange trend…

Not that I hate comic book movies. In fact, I enjoy them. Just, hey, a few dozen a year is more than enough, thanks! And let’s not even mention that we are stuck with Marvel movies as DC seems to be having…trouble…making movies that don’t suck since the third movie of the Nolan Batman series.

So, considering the spoilers about Infinity War which assaulted my eyes for months, and the fact I knew what was going to happen…the supposed “big moment”…I simply felt no great rush to see it. Sure, I’d see it sooner or later, but it was way down on the the list of things to do—somewhere below a visit to the proctologist and spraying out the inside of the garbage cans.

But, hey, I figured it would be fine for a movie night.

And from minute one, I knew I made a terrible mistake, one which proves karma is a bitch and in a past life I must have been a terrible person. Maybe Attila the Hun’s third cousin twice removed, Bob the Hunnish.

I’d like to present to you my imaginings if what the pitching and brainstorming room must have been like as they planned Infinity War out.

Neon lights flicker and highlight nicotine stained drop ceiling panels. The energy is high, the air buzzing with electricity, though that could always just be the faulty wiring buried in walls which have been privy to so many great ideas in better days…

“Ok, so me and the boys have been talking,” Jim said, gesturing to a pile of sock puppets discarded in a dingy corner, button-eyes staring blankly into the distance, “and we got some ideas for the next Avengers movie.”

The writer’s room hushed in anticipation. A head writer for Iron Man 2, an artichoke heart pickled in brine, wetly rolled from its perch.

“Ok, so we open with a battle! Action is good, right? People love that stuff.”

A cricket farted in the distance, the mating call falling on dead ears.

“I mean, just some fighting, on a space ship. In space! Bunch of stuff happens. Sure, it will be confusing, and maybe some viewers will wonder, hey, did I miss an entire movie or something, because this scene feels like it’s part of some larger whole…

“And then we kill off some important characters! Yeah, baby, yeah! That will get people invested.”

A murmur of assent rippled through the room, taking the form of various belches and the whisper quiet rustle of a nostril mined for ore by a probing digit.

“Ok, and then the Hulk enters the picture, a being so powerful he’s been sent into space because of how dangerous he is to have around…but Thanos mops the floor with him. And guess what? That’s the last time we see the Hulk for the rest of the movie!” Jim leaned back and placed dirty boots on the table, grinning.

He continued, “So, no Hulk, because hell, who needs him anyway, and it fixes the plot hole where he would simply own Thanos early on, end of movie.

“Then, we add in every Marvel hero we have into the mix. So many, in fact, that they all only get five minute snippets on screen, and we just keep cutting between everyone fast enough to send a third of our viewers into epileptic fits. Thank goodness for CGI because we need a half-thousand sets to marionette these characters over.

“Thor, even though he’s been around multiple earthlings over a bunch of movies, will act dumb as hell and confused about words like ‘moron’”

Moron twitched in his sleep, the sound of his name nearly pulling him out of his comfortable dreamland.

“Also, some of the best characters in our universe, the space cadets from Gargantuans of the Galaxy or whatever it was we made a few years back, will run into Thor at random in the almost infinite reaches of the unfathomable soul sucking emptiness that is the ever expanding universe. Good timing!

“Let’s see…ah, right, Thanos just keeps winning non stop, and our heroes simply throw the same tactics at him over and over to no avail. You know, like punches and missiles and some Kung fu or some shit. Hey, the dude owned Hulk, so why wouldn’t Captain America try punching him in the gob?”

Tim, the newest writer, one not yet broken in by Marvel and not yet fitted out for his Marvel Brand Gimp Suit™, broke his silence when he could take no more. “Hey, uh, this all sounds great and all, but don’t you think—“

“No, I try not to, Tim. Thinking is the direct cause of migraines and bed wetting. Ok, so, we have wizards doing the circle things with their palms, some space folk bopping around almost disconnected from the rest of the story, Avengers not calling other Avengers even though fifty percent of the life of the entire universe hangs in the balance…damn, what else was I going to say,” Jim grasped a bong like an infant would a bottle and ripped on it before smashing it on his own head in victory.

“Right. The love story. Every great tale needs a love story: Romeo and Juliet, Ren and Stimpy, all the greats. So, we have a budding relationship between Vision and whatsherface. Let’s make the viewer care, get them invested.”

Tim nodded, “Right, that’s a solid idea man, sounds—“

Jim cut him off, “Of course, with fifty main characters and a two hour runtime, we won’t actually see any of this love or whatever. We’ll just hint at it a bit, you know. Gotta save screen time for purple ballsack, er, I mean Thanos, to wax laconically about how nice a bro he really is on the inside.”

“Hey, no, I don’t think—“ Tim stuttered.

“Good, my man, good. I think you’ll fit in here with that attitude. So, then let’s kill of all the fun characters. Let’s start with the people of color. First scene to last scene, let’s off some green folk, dissolve some Wakanda heroes, let’s go for broke.

“Again, no Hulk. Just Bruce in a CGI suit, so it’s kinda like the Hulk but suckier. You know, we wouldn’t want that actor to actually be in the movie or anything. Just CGI his ass at all times. Note to self, can we just completely CGI his likeness and not have to have an actor at all?

“Let’s have Dr. Strangelove or whatever his name is willingly hand over the one item his entire order was formed to protect… You know, stay true to the characters.”

The sounds of shattering glass echoed from wall to wall as two writers leapt naked through the windows, fist-bumping one another and shouting, “Brooooooooo!”

“See, Tim,” Jim said, “that’s the kind of energy we need here. Get your shit together. Ok, and lastly, let’s dissolve all the interesting characters we have left. Black Panther for one! Oh, and did I bring up the White Wolf? No? Doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have an arc in the movie anyway. Hell, no one needs a character arc here. It’s only half a story, after all, and doesn’t need to stand alone or anything.”

Joseph the Randy Donkey brayed a lonely song at the water cooler before defecating a sad pile on the floor.

“Damn, I love that donkey,” Jim said while cleaning his left ear with his right big toe. “So, you see where I’m going here, right? For year people have complained we are formulaic, but look at us being all badass and breaking the mold! We will take a decade worth of characters and squash them together, making half a movie that means nothing on it’s own, simply designed to set up our next million dollar movie in a year, needlessly kill off dozens of the best characters in a way that means nothing and will be reversed within the first quarter of the next movie, dabble in romance sorta, and wipe out half the life in the universe to save everyone from running out of food and stuff!”

The room erupted in cheers and whoops. Three men dueled to the death in celebration, Moron awoke from his long slumber in time to vote in the midterms and drive without using his blinkers, seven Hollywood executives took time away from sexually harassing the donkey the stamp and squeal in delight, a motley mob of slatterns boxed with a dusty group of heroin addicts in a mock Walmart, and the seventh seal was opened in the distance.

But a hush fell on the room like a smothering pillow as Tim cleared his throat.

“Hey, um, if Thanos can control time and matter with a mere thought, wielding enough power to kill fifty percent of all living things at the blink of an eye…why doesn’t he simply will infinite resources into being instead of killing untold trillions due to limited resources?”

The silence in the room laid so thick in the air that a large housefly, fat and well fed on over-ripe Hollywood movie drech, collapsed like a crumpled piece of tinfoil from the mere pressure in the room.

Lucky for the brave writers of Infinity War, there was a handy and already broken window to defenestrate Tim from before calling the seventy-five actors and warming up the computers for modern CGI magic.

https://klneidecker.com/2018/10/22/one-persons-take-on-what-the-infinity-war-pitch-room-conversation-was-like/

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welovekpopscenarios · 7 years ago

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More Valuable than Riches (Fortune Hunter! I.M x Reader)

Admin: Mimi

Description:

Fandom: Monsta X

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: I.M/Changkyun x Reader

Warnings: Small mention of violence

Word Count: 2172

A/N: I’m not really happy with this, it didn’t turn out as adventure-y as I wanted but I wanted to get it out before I think too much about it and leave it sitting there forever, never to see the light of day again. It seems kinda rushed at the end but I hope you still like it. Happy reading, as usual! (was this inspired by uncharted? You bet your booty it was)

Since Changkyun was a young lad, with chubby fingers that pried open the libraries history books and small dark eyes that absorbed each word on the ancient, worn pages of pirates, explorers and others alike, he wanted to be an explorer. A great discoverer, who would uncover lost lands and find old tombs, digging deep into the history of the earth to become one of the greatest men in the world – but of course, life doesn’t always work the way we want it to.

Instead of fame and glory, all Changkyun became was an infamous fortune hunter (a fancier term for thief, as Jooheon had put it), stuck in a lousy Indonesian ruin trying to solve an impossible puzzle (because of course people had to make things difficult when they could be solved in a matter of minutes), and with a smart ass who liked to point out his misfortune every waking moment, as if he wasn’t already aware of the miserable turn his life took.

“So if I turn the dial here, the light on the wall moves over there…” he mumbled, brows furrowed and a sweaty forehead creased in concentration as he focused his attention on the current puzzle in front of him. He was amazed at how he was able to solve the other bizarre puzzles he had encountered on this journey before finding himself in the middle of the Indonesian jungle in a run-down temple trying to figure out the next clue before moving on. This one was proving quite difficult so far, however. But it’s not like you were helping in any way.

“Gosh, it’s so hot out,” you whined, opting to recline on a broken stone slab in the middle of the room rather than aid Changkyun in the impossible task of opening the mysterious door. “Do you have a fan?”

“Well, my mom used to always tell me she was proud of my achievements,” Changkyun began, a minuscule smirk flashing on his face once he heard your dramatic groan followed by a sarcastic laugh. “But, no. I don’t have a fan. Want me to ask the hotel to turn up the AC?” he mocked.

“Do, and file a complaint while you’re at it. The service here is terrible, it’s like the workers are dead,” you chimed, flinging a pebble towards the remains of some poor unfortunate soul who thought himself smart enough to handle the puzzle in here too. Maybe Changkyun will join him. Well, he hopes, anyway, with how little progress he’s making with the puzzle. He sighs out in frustration as he turns another useless dial.

“So…” you droned, sitting up and scuffing the ends of your boots against the gravel littering the ground. “You nearly got it, bud?” Another sigh from Changkyun, this one louder and wearier than the last. “I’ll take that as a no. I wish I brought a book with me, if I knew you were gonna take this long.”

Changkyun turned to face you, a brow raised, and indignation etched into his dirtied and sweat ridden face. “You could, oh I don’t know, help?” he commented, frowning when a wry smile spread across your lips.

“I could,” you began, “but I’m just the hired help who was never really hired, remember? You’re the brains of us two, and you’re the one who wanted to go after this treasure to begin with. Besides, I’m no good at these weird ass puzzles, so just leave the fighting to me.”

Changkyun grumbled incoherently, taking a step back from the dials. His cocoa coloured eyes roved over the mysterious contraption, hands poised on his hips and a furrow to his brow as you watched his face take on a look of pure concentration. It was something you admired about him, admittedly, how intelligent he truly was behind that mask of humour and his dedication to pursuing his childhood dream. A dream that took a slightly different, more illegal turn, but still, he was doing what he wanted, and you envied him for having his life seemingly sorted out while you still drifted in and out of messy brawler jobs that you hated.

Lost in your thoughts you missed what he had said until a pebble was chucked in your direction.

“What?” you snapped, rubbing your knee from where the impact of the pebble hit you.

Changkyun pursed his lips and narrowed those chocolate eyes of his. Yikes, not a look you enjoy aimed at yourself. “You’re not stupid, you know,” he remarked, eyes scrutinising your form, and suddenly this blazing hot temple felt as cold as Antarctica under his gaze. “Far from it. So uh…don’t sell yourself short,” he shuffled awkwardly, gaze flitting between the ancient puzzle and you, at a loss of what to focus on as a silence descended upon the temple. He cleared his throat and swallowed. “Help me with this, will you? Or else we’ll never get out of here and you’ll never get to fulfil your dream of taking a bath in a solid gold tub.”

Feeling unusually fuzzy after his backhanded compliment, you rose from your spot and moved to stand beside him, your arm brushing against his muscled one that left you with the same familiar sparks you’ve been feeling every time he was close to you.

“What do you need me to do, Captain?” you joked, a half assed way to cover your blushing form in the mask of humour and waving a hand in your face to fight against the heat of the jungle. Changkyun seemingly took no notice, having averted his eyes and moved his body away from yours to stand at one end of the puzzle. He nodded his head towards the opposite end of where he stood.

“Go to that end of the puzzle, we’ll see if we can finish this damned thing together,” he grunted, flicking through the pages of his notebook. You did as told, fiddling cautiously with the dials, all displaying different symbols and letters ranging from crosses to stars, A-Z, and everything in between. Why were pirates so stingy with their gold? Did they have to make everything as complicated as this?

Changkyun began giving orders as soon as you were ready - “turn that one”, “try that one”, “ok that one’s broken, let’s just put that one aside”, “ok nevermind, that was actually a large snail shell”, but to no avail after a full hour of bickering. Fed up of hearing the word ‘dial’ once more, you changed the topic of conversation.

“What made you want to do this kind of stuff?” you asked. Changkyun paused, glanced at you out of the corner of his eyes before returning them to the notebook in his hands. “I’ve always wanted to be an adventurer when I was younger. I wanted to discover new places and find riches, ever since I was a kid. I can remember reading every book about pirates I could find in the library, I went there so much, the librarian eventually just gave me a book to keep for free,” he said fondly, fingers tapping idly at the worn leather cover of his notebook. You smiled warmly at the image of a toothless Changkyun hounding anyone who would listen the stories of the worlds most famous pirates.

“And how did it work out?” you questioned. He looked up in confusion, a light ‘hm?’ reverberating in his chest. “The fortune finding,” you clarified with a smirk. Changkyun gave a wry laugh, his eyes scanning the dingy cave you both landed yourselves in in search of these so called ‘riches’.

“Well, I’ve found none so far-“ you cackled loudly, “-but! I think we’re onto something good here. I really do. Plus, with the views and adventure we’ve seen so far, I think it makes it all worth it. Don’t you?” he grinned, and oh. Oh no. That smile was more dangerous than any fight you’ve been in, because it made you weaker than a kitten and gave you the strongest butterflies you’ve ever felt. Damn you, Im Changkyun. Why must you be so imperfectly perfect?

“What about you?”

“What do you mean?” you replied, moving to sit on the stone slab like before. Changkyun followed, sitting on the opposite end but close enough that you could feel the summer heat radiating off his bronzed skin.

“Why did you decide to be a security-type person?” he asked awkwardly, unsure of how to phrase your ‘occupation’. Should have been blunt and just said ‘thug’. You sighed, rubbing your neck.

“I didn’t really, it just kind of happened, grew up that way. Got into a lot of fights when I was younger, did some defence classes and boxing, got into bar fights more than I ever went to school, and then one day a guy comes up to me and offers me a job to be his protection for a while. I needed the cash, took the job, and doing these types of jobs is all I’ve been doing ever since. Not good for anything much other than that,” you mumbled sombrely, eyes trained on your boots.

“Don’t say that,” Changkyun argued, but you cut him off with a scoff.

“Why not? It’s the truth. I’m only good for putting a fist to someone’s face and ruining lives-“ a sharp pain to your forehead interrupted your self-deprecating speech, and you looked up with a scowl to see Changkyun’s hand raised mid-flick, a pout on his handsome face that made it look years younger. It suits him.

“Stop,” he demands, sticking out his tongue childishly.

“Stop what?”

“All that negative talk, bad mumbo jumbo, not good. You’re amazing.”

As if this jungle couldn’t get any damned hotter your face just flared as hot as the sun at his words. He too realised his bluntness and coughed awkwardly a few times before continuing. “Since we started this expedition you’ve been annoying, cheeky, a pain in my ass-“

“Oh thanks, I really appreciate that,” you droned, but he shushed you quickly.

“But… you’ve been nothing but amazing and helpful since the day I met you. You’re strong, kind, well-abled, cute, independent, funny, intelligent, and overall one of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I am not worthy to stand in such a divine presence,” he whined dramatically, falling to his knees and bowing at your feet. You smiled bashfully, near ready to flick him right back over his kind words and goofy actions, but you remembered something.

“Wait, go back. What was that you said?”

“Uh…you’re one of the best people I know?”

“Back.”

“You’re intelligent?”

“Back again.”

“You’re funny and independent?”

“One more,” you smirked, enjoyed how the tips of his ears turned pink despite his attempt at feigning nonchalance.

“You’re strong?”

“Go forward,” you sighed good-naturedly, crossing your arms as you stared down at him.

“You’re…you’re cute,” he mumbled shyly, refusing to meet your gaze. You laughed quietly and leaned forward to get a better look at his face.

“Bingo.”

“Yeah well, you are. You’re beautiful. Anyone would be a fool not to see it,” he said quickly, still not raising his head to look at you. His words made a comfortable warmth spread over you – not the blistering heat kind like all around you. It made you feel liked, wanted – accepted.

“I…thank you. You’re not so shabby yourself,” you joked mildly, noticing the growing smirk on his lips. “How long have you thought that I was cute?”

“Oh, you know. Since the day I met you, I guess,” he shrugged nervously, standing up to face away from you and towards the puzzle again. Your jaw dropped in shock.

“Changkyun, that’s over a year ago!” you exclaimed.

“You know what they say about pining,” he simply replied, fiddling with his notebook once again. Pining? Oh lord save you, he was going to be the end of you.

“I don’t know, what do they say,” you inquired.

“Oh, I don’t know either. I was hoping you knew,” he sassed, and it was like he was back to normal with his front of humour to deflect situations he did not feel confident in.

“Well,” you began, “we need to finish this puzzle as soon as possible so we can find our riches, get back to our hotel and you can take me on a real date. Somewhere classy. Like KFC.”

Changkyun turned to stare at you in mild shock for a moment, until a grin spread across his lips and a light rosy hue dusted his dirty cheeks. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s get going, shall we?”

Safe to say, after spending hours solving the puzzle, the only thing you received for your efforts was another clue pointing to another damned puzzle somewhere in Malaysia that would no doubt require more climbing, searching, and thinking. But, as you sat next to Changkyun, watching as he drove by the coast in his 4x4, you’d like to think something more valuable was discovered in that ruin. Something completely priceless.

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andrewmoocow · 7 years ago

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Steven Universe Secret Wars chapter 5: Enter Thanos (originally posted on February 5, 2018)

AN: And so, here we are everybody. The final chapter of the first part of what might be considered one of my magnum opuses. I’ve certainly had a blast writing this so here we go. Let the end of the cosmos begin.

“Anything yet guys?” Connie asked her fellow Crystal Avengers keeping an eye out for their friends. “Nothing yet Connie!” Wasp called from high above as she searched the skies with Lapis and Vision. “I can confirm, our companions haven’t returned yet.” the synthezoid added. “Way to state the obvious Vis.” Lapis replied.

“You were right girl, this town’s food is amazing!” Wolverine exclaimed holding a few fry bits on one of his claws like a kebab. “Never really expected you of all people to act like this Wolvie. But then again, I’m a guy who was bitten by a radioactive spider hanging out in a town protected by magical rock people.” Spider-Man said. “Hey guys, I think we can see something!” Peridot shouted pointing at a strange dark shape in the sky. “You think it could be?”

“Steven!” they all cried out as the shape came into view, revealing itself to be the spaceship belonging to the Guardians of the Galaxy. Landing on the sand, the Crystal Gems, Avengers and Guardians emerged looking very damaged from their fight with Mephisto, both physically and emotionally. The moment Steven’s foot touched the grainy surface below him for the first time in a long while, he was greeted by Connie, Lapis and Peridot all hugging him. “Oh, hey guys.” he said rather flatly. “Steven, are you all right?” Peridot worried. “Pink boy not feeling good.” Hulk stated. “Pink boy’s friends should leave pink boy alone for a bit.”

“WHOA! Are you that Hulk creature the mutant talked about?!” the little green Gem gasped in amazement. “I totally won that fight!” Logan shouted hotly. “Yes, yes I am.” the strongest there is confirmed with a cocky grin before regressing himself back to Bruce Banner. “And I’m also a genius scientist to boot.”

“He-hey, P-dot, Tidal!” Rocket shouted fistbumping Peridot before Groot came in and hugged the three incredibly tight. “I am Groot!” the flora colossus cried shaking them in his wooden arms. The mood suddenly lightened up and everyone was cheerfully meeting each other once again. All except Thor. He was still mulling over their recent fight with the demon prince, about how he was now working for Thanos and had known about the Mind Stone. The stress proved far too great on the thunder god before he interrupted the camaraderie with a loud yell of “THANOS IS COMING!”

The scene went deadly quiet once more as they all turned to the prince of Asgard. “I-is something wrong Thor?” Spidey wondered. “Didn’t you hear me, Thanos has five Infinity Stones and is coming here to Earth for the Mind Stone!” Thor explained pointing his hammer to the ground for added emphasis. The group were stunned at the god’s explanation, Lapis especially as she simply mumbled under her breath, “Thanos.”

“What shall we do?” Doctor Strange wondered. “I say we all stay here and take him on ourselves!” Nebula declared. “That madman has gone on far enough and mark my words, he will pay!” she snarled. “Hey, chill out Nebula! We can’t go too far ahead!” Steven exclaimed trying to calm her down. “Steven’s right, we must evacuate this town so that Thanos can’t hurt any of its people.” Cap stated. “I’m going to need someone to warn the mayor of the invasion and organize an escape route somewhere far away from here.”

“I’ll go. I came here before all of you on some business of my own, so it makes sense that I tell ‘em.” Iron Man stated flying off toward Beach City. “Right. Peter, Hank Janet, you lead the townspeople out of here. Carol, T'Challa, Strange, you’re staying with us. And the rest of you return to base.” Steve commanded. “Wait, we have to leave?! But why?” Wolverine complained. “Because we won’t be important to the story from here on out.” She-Hulk answered. “Okay then.”

Flying above the small town, the Armored Avenger landed in front of city hall and shed his metallic suit to keep up appearances. “I’m here to see the mayor of this town!” he announced shoving open the doors. “Mister, we know you have important business but can you not open the doors like that?!” one of the secret service agents present said cornering him. “Stand down boys, he obviously wants to see me.” a short, elderly woman in a green suit stated making herself known. “Mayor Nanefua Pizza Mr. Stark, at your service.”

“Tony Stark madame mayor.” Stark greeted the mayor. “Listen, my teammates and I compel you to organize an evacuation plan for a giant purple spaceman with a golden baseball glove is coming down to kill us all!” he urged. “Wow, that is certainly pretty crazy Mr. Stark, but I’ll be sure to get on it!”

Within a few hours, Beach City was nearly empty, its civilians already preparing to leave. “Keep it going everyone, Thanos should be arriving soon so you should all try not to die!” Hawkeye said leading them all away. “So let me guess this straight, some moonman is coming for Earth because he wants some priceless jewels to conquer the galaxy?” Lars Barriga exclaimed as his parents tried to insert the Off Colors into a large moving truck. “Basically, yes!” Steven reiterated the pink teen’s statement. “And if we don’t stop him-”

“Then the universe is seriously janked.” Garnet finished for him. “Seriously Garnet, we need to make you eat soap at this point!” Amethyst said. “Y'know, when I came back to Earth after you & Connie had that space adventure, I did not expect this!” Lars said. “But then again, I died and came back to life on an alien planet, so what do I have to say?”

“Yeah speaking of which, are you sure you’re that donut boy Groot met when we first came here?” Rocket said. “Y'know, come to think of it you do seem familiar.” the former donut boy stated looking at Groot. “I am Groot.” the tree alien said. “I am Lars.”

“Okay, let’s stop this before it gets too far again.” Rocket said breaking the two up. “Now then, since everybody’s leaving, I think you and Connie should come with them.” he said to Steven. “What, but why?!” the boy cried.

“It’s for your own safety Steven.” Pearl stated. “We know you and Connie are both fairly powerful on your own, but Thanos is another five levels once he gets all the Infinity Stones!” she fretted. “They’re all right Steven, who knows what this Thanos guy can do.” Connie affirmed. “Indeed, he could wipe out half of all life in the universe with just a snap of his fingers!” Thor added. “And the same goes for you Lapis and Peridot.”

“Us too? But we can fight!” Peridot protested. “I’ve been watching a few old kung-fu movies and actually picked up some moves along the way!” She then began demonstrating said moves to the heroes, despite being rather clumsy in doing so and capping off with a crane stance.

“I admire both your spirit, and your budding martial arts skills, but I fear whatever powers you have won’t be enough against a cosmic warlord bent on dominating all creation.” Cap stated. “The captain is right guys, Thanos is not one to be messed with.” Lapis stated putting a hand on her barn mate’s shoulder. “I should know because I-” She immediately stopped herself from speaking any longer. “Goodbye.” Picking up Peridot and Pumpkin, Lapis sprouted her wings and soared away from Beach City.

“What’s her problem? She looked like she was gonna say she knows Thanos or something.” Star-Lord quipped. “That doesn’t matter, we should get you two to your parents post-haste kids.” Iron Man finally stated. “We are truly sorry Steven, but it’s for your own good.” Pearl said before hugging her young ward and the other Crystal Gems joined in. “We’ll stop Thanos and bring everyone home.” Garnet stated. “Yeah, we’re gonna kick his ass!” Amethyst exclaimed.

“Well, guess this is goodbye everyone. Good luck.” Connie said before finally being led away by Stark.

“Okay gang, everybody’s not present and accounted for.” Yondu confirmed gazing upon the deserted town. “In fact, why do they call it Beach City when the number of people living here doesn’t make it a city?!”

“Same reason why evil threatens the universe.” Clint answered. “Now come on, we gotta prep for Thanos.” He led the space pirate back to the temple where the others would be waiting for them. “How’s everything?” Natasha asked. “All cleared out babe, not a soul in sight.” her archer partner stated. “I sincerely hope Steven is all right. This reminds me of when Jasper invaded and he fled with the rest of the citizens.” Pearl said. “At least he has one of your own to watch over him.”

“Uh guys, I hate to break up the ambiance,” Rocket stuttered in fear. “but I think that giant spaceship about to land in front of us may belong to a certain someone.” The heroes all raced outside to discover a titanic aircraft easily dwarfing Beach City in size right over their heads. They immediately knew who this ship belonged to as they all prepared for battle. “It is time.” Black Panther declared.

Meanwhile in a highway far from town, the citizens of the coastline village were busy making their escape from the wrath of the Mad Titan. All it took was one look at his warship from the rear-view mirror for Greg to get a good idea of what his late wife’s companions were up against this time. “Sheesh, whoever this Thanos guy is sure doesn’t mess around!”

His son however was relatively quiet the entire drive. He was too busy musing over their encounter with Mephisto during their space adventure. According to him, he had been involved in the Rebellion as well. But who did he fight for? He most certainly wouldn’t side with Rose but he’s not sure if the Diamonds would be that comfortable with him. Would that mean Thanos had his part to play in it. After a few minutes of contemplation, Greg broke the silence. “Anything all right Schtu-ball?”

“I’m fine Dad, I’ve just been thinking lately.” Steven replied. “Did Mom ever tell you about anything related to the Infinity Stones?” he asked his father. “No, as usual. In fact, unlike all the other messy stuff of that war, she must really want to keep that under wraps.” Greg answered. “But whatever happened, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” he assured his son. “Yeah but I’ve heard Thanos can destroy anyone given the chance, the Gems have a good reason for making me flee again! Hopefully there’s someone that can help me out here.”

“Did someone call for some emotional support?!” Spider-Man suddenly exclaimed peeping into the front window of Greg’s van. The two were immediately startled and nearly swerved into another car before regaining their composure. “Oh, you must be that spider guy.” Greg stated. “What was your name again? Scarlet Arachnid, Spinneret, Silk, Web Boy…”

“Spider-Man, thank you very much.” the spectacular webslinger corrected the former rock star. “Now as I was saying, did someone call for some emotional support?” he asked cheerfully. “I did!” Steven shouted raising his hand. “I can stop so you can get in if you want sir.” Greg offered. “Sure thing, but I prefer to web-swing.”

Latching onto the roof of another car, Peter used his web-shooters to pull open the back door and jumped right in, closing behind him. “And he sticks the landing!” he shouted before imitating a crowd cheering for him. “Yeah, whoo, go Spider-Man, do a flip!” Greg just chuckled still keeping his eyes on the road. “Wow Spidey, that was really cool!” Steven exclaimed. “Makes me wish I was as cool as you.”

“Aw don’t say that. You’re pretty cool the way you are.” Peter said taking off his mask to wipe himself off after the earlier landing. “I mean c'mon, you’re the son of an alien warrior lady who helped protect the Earth thousands of years ago! You still got a lot to learn kid. After all, with great power comes great responsibility.”

“Where did you learn that?” the boy wondered. “Someone important to me that I lost too, just like the Gems.” Spidey answered thinking back to his beloved late Uncle Ben. “So what do you say kid, wanna save the world?” he offered reaching his hand out. “Sure!”

“Now hold on just a second!” Ant-Man suddenly appeared in front of the two young men. “Steven, I know you have a legacy to uphold, but Thanos is just an absolute beast! With all six Infinity Stones, he could practically become God!” the scientist cautioned Steven.

“Oh lighten up Hank, he just wants to help.” Wasp stated growing into view as well. “How many more unexpected passengers can I get! Who’s next, Ghost Rider?” Greg joked. He then finally stopped the van and got out with the three heroes & his son, whom he hugged goodbye. “Be careful out there little guy, we’re all counting on you.”

“I’ll be okay Dad. I love you.” Steven said his farewells before jumping up on the arachnid Avenger’s back. “You ready kid?” he asked his young fan. “Wait, we should make a quick stop first. I know a few others who need a pep talk.” He turned on a GPS on his phone and began scoping the countryside scene before pointing to a building in this distance. “Let’s swing thataway!” he ordered. “Roger roger squirt!”

The two swung off into the distance leaving the winsomely astonishing duo and the car wash owner behind. “Steven is right, those Gems aren’t going to last long without a leader.” Pym declared shrinking down and hopping on the back of a winged ant. “Right, let’s fly!” Jan replied miniaturizing as well and chasing her husband.

The hour has finally come.

Thanos has arrived.

The Avengers, Crystal Gems and Guardians of the Galaxy stood their ground before the spaceship, preparing for whatever threat would come their way. The bay door opened revealing not the Mad Titan, but instead his minions the Black Order.

At the very center was their leader Corvus Glaive, a grey-skinned alien dressed in all black and carrying his namesake weapon. By his side was Proxima Midnight, a beautiful blue-tinted woman bearing a golden trident.

Behind them were Ebony Maw, a rather wormy looking fellow with a silver tongue, Black Dwarf, the brute of the team who’s size & strength could compare with the Hulk’s and finally Supergiant, a deranged wraith who can control gravity. The five aliens looked down upon their opponents with cocky grins decorating their features until Corvus finally spoke. “Well, it seems these Avengers have made some new allies.” he declared. “Quite familiar looking ones in fact.”

“Yes indeed, it’s been quite a while since we heard from the Crystal Gems. I was convinced they were all shattered or corrupted.” Ebony added. “Can’t wait to finish what the Diamonds tried to start.” Dwarf threatened bearing both his axe and his mace.

The heroes simply glared furiously at the Order, giving no answer to their boasting. “What is the matter? No words, just going to skip straight to the action?” Proxima wondered. Just then, Garnet finally spoke up. “Leave this planet immediately Black Order, and tell Thanos we’re waiting for him!”

“About time, all this abuse of the silent treatment was getting me bored!” Supergiant exclaimed with a sadistic grin. “Now then, let us get started!” She telekinetically summoned a legion of four-armed reptilian beasts that towered over the group, snarling at them. “Outriders!” Captain America exclaimed. “Get ready everyone, we’re in for the fight of our lives.”

The ultimate battle for the fate of Earth has finally begun. If the alliance between the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, the Crystal Gems and the lovable a-holes claimed victory, peace would return and the Infinity Stones would be left untouched by evil once more. But if Thanos won, it would mean the end of the universe.

It was a quiet night at the barn that Lapis Lazuli and Peridot had called their home away from Homeworld. It was originally the Crystal Gems’ base of operations while dealing with the Cluster and since became a new living space for the two Gems.

However, ever since Lapis had returned to Earth after fleeing to avoid another Gem war, things had become a bit different. Like for example, Peridot currently laid on a hay bale reminiscing about the Crystal Temps’ battle with the leader of AIM known as MODOK, his speech about she was there to provide comic relief instead of being useful to the Crystal Gems continuing to echo through her head.

“Well it’s because despite being a member of the Crystal Gems, you are pretty much useless to them! Only being there to provide comic relief. Join me and I shall help you learn your true potential!” he spoke in her thoughts. Looking once again at her miniscule form in a mirror, she sighed miserably and grumbled to herself. “Guess he was right. I really am useless to them.”

“Is something wrong Peri?” Lapis wondered flying to her side with Pumpkin in her arms. “It’s just that that Mo-whatever guy told me about how useless I was to Steven and the Gems. Now that we’ve been ordered to stay at the barn while they fight that Thanos guy, it makes me think that we really are there to provide comic relief.” the little green technician moped before her blue roommate got down on her knees and hugged her. “It’s okay Peridot, you aren’t useless. I mean, you helped save the Earth and got me adjusted to it! What matters now is that we should just wait until the time is right for us to become full on Crystal Gems.”

“And I seriously can’t wait for that day!” Steven called as Spider-Man touched down in front of the barn with Ant-Man and Wasp following behind. “Hey girls, how’s it hanging?” the web-slinger greeted them. “Is this really your home because I kind of expected something a bit more futuristic.”

“Oh it is alright spider-friend. This barn may have termites and a large crack in the ground, but it’s the best we can get!” Peridot beamed at the young man. “We usually spend our days here making meep morps, or what you humans might call art, and watching Camp Pining Hearts.” Lapis added. “Camp Pining Hearts? My Aunt May and I love that show!” Peter exclaimed. “Except for season 5.”

“I know, right!” Steven & Peridot exclaimed in unison before laughing. “I know all of us here are fans of that show, but let’s get to the important topic here: saving the world.” Hank stated. “Yeah, if we don’t race to Beach City soon, Thanos could kill us all!” Jan added, much to the barn Gems’ shock. “Wait, we’re actually going to fight him?!” Lapis yelled. “But that could lead to another war, and I don’t want to get involved in one.”

“C'mon Lapis, we have to do this together! Steven and the Gems need us!” Peridot tried to convince her to change her mind about battling the conqueror. “Earth is our home now. Isn’t it worth fighting for?” It took some time for the ocean Gem to think about this. On one hand, Thanos is indeed a force to be reckoned with and could certainly annihilate them if they’re not careful. But on the other hand, he could destroy the planet that they’ve decided to call home. She finally turned around and made her decision. “I’ll fight.”

“Great, now let’s head back to the town and help the others!” Hank declared mounting his winged ant again. “Wait, first I gotta make a call.” Steven decided pulling out his phone to talk to Connie.

“Hey Steven, are you somewhere safe yet?” she asked. “That’s why I called you Con. I’m gonna fight Thanos.” he declared. “What? Hold on, maybe I can get my parents to drive me to your location! Where are you?” Connie cried. “No, I don’t want you getting involved. You may be pretty powerful on your own, but deep down you’re just a human. I’m so sorry.” Steven began to cry as he hanged up on his best friend.

“It’s okay Steven, you’re doing the right thing just like what your mom would’ve done.” Peter dried his tears. “Thanks Spidey, let’s go.” Steven got up on the teen hero’s back again and left the barn, this time with Lapis and Peridot by their side. Pumpkin was left behind, but little did the vegetable canine know its home was in serious peril as a portal opened behind the barn.

“It seems you’ve gotten weaker since we’ve last met Garnet.” Corvus declared pinning the fusion to the ground with his glaive while the Outriders outmatched the others. “Guess without your beloved savior to guide you, you’ve also become more foolish.”

“We may not have Rose Quartz around, but we’re still capable of defending Earth!” Garnet declared gripping the blade and tossing Glaive into the sand. “Nice going there Garnet, keep him down!” Rocket cheered dismembering a few Outrider arms. “At this rate, we shall emerge victorious!” T'Challa boasted. “Is that so king of Wakanda?”

A new individual has shown himself, this time being the man himself. The Mad Titan, the nihilistic would-be significant other of Death. His purple skin, furrowed chin, blue & gold armor and his piercing red eyes looking down upon them as he sat in his throne were unmistakably recognizable.

Thanos.

“Well well well, what do we have here?” he wondered in a mocking tone raising his left hand to reveal none other than the infamous Infinity Gauntlet, containing five of the Infinity Stones. “Thanos!” Pearl cried readying her spear.

“The Crystal Gems. We meet again at last.” Thanos stated descending from his throne with both his arms out, almost like some holy figure. Touching down on the sand beneath them, he took a moment to examine the carnage that once was his army of Outriders. “And it seems not much has changed about you since the Rebellion. Now who do I destroy first?”

He prepared an energy blast from his left hand and aimed it at each of the heroes, deciding on which one of them to eliminate. “How about you be the first to die my dear Garnet?” Thanos threatened before suddenly, his face was suddenly covered in spider webs. “WHAT?!” he shouted tearing the silk off his face. “Ain’t nobody going to die here Thanos!” Steven cried as he, Spider-Man, Lapis, Peridot, Ant-Man and the Wasp charged into battle. “Ah, the cannon fodder has arrived.” the Mad Titan smirked. “I do love a moving target.”

“Wait milord!” Ebony Maw halted his master before he could do any more harm. “I must ask you, does that terraformer with them seem familiar to you?” he asked. “Now that you think about it, she does look like the one deployed during the Rebellion.” Thanos stated, much to the shock of the other heroes. “Greetings wayward Lazuli of Blue Diamond.”

“Wait, you know Thanos?!” Steven gasped as the ragtag group touched down next to their compatriots. “Yes indeed small child, my minions remember her quite fondly, Ebony and Dwarf especially.” Thanos answered. “It’s true, I have met them when I was sent to Earth.” Lapis began to reminisce on that fateful day.

The Rebellion was in full swing when Lapis Lazuli, a terraformer sent by Blue Diamond to form new Kindergartens on Earth, was thrust in the middle of it. She tried her best to avoid the carnage, the Gem shards raining everywhere and the soldiers fighting for their lives until she found a safe spot behind a lone tree.

She figured she would stay there until most of the fighting stopped until she bumped into a monster that towered over her. A monster with orange reptilian skin, empty yellow eyes, a mouth full of sharp fangs and dual-wielding both a stone mace & an axe.

“Where are you going puny water witch?” he snarled, causing her to back away into another being with grey skin, chalk white hair, ornate black & white robes with gold trim and devilish blue eyes that had a faint glow in them. “Are you lost little one, afraid perhaps?” this other creature purred. “I’m not lost, I was only supposed to make a quick visit before all this happened!” Lapis cried not being able to comprehend her current situation. “Who even are you two anyway?!”

“Ah yes, apologies for being so uncouth.” the grey alien bowed gracefully toward the ocean Gem. “I am Ebony Maw of the Black Order, and this is my companion Black Dwarf.” he, now calling himself Ebony Maw, introduced himself and the larger alien. “We are fighting in this war for our lord and master Thanos, who wishes to destroy both the Great Diamond Authority & the rebels led by Rose Quartz to conquer all that lives in this universe.” Black Dwarf stated. “See that shadow over there, that is he.”

He pointed toward their master in the distance, laughing maniacally as he ended the lives of all Gems, Crystal and Homeworld alike, that dared challenge him. The only one that was able to match the Mad Titan were a Rose Quartz and her terrifying Pearl. “Is that really your master?!” Lapis gasped as she watched the pink warrior face Thanos in battle. “Indeed he is terraformer.” Ebony commented silently rooting for his boss. “Speaking of which, do you ever feel like you feel dissatisfied with your current position?”

“What?! No, as a high-ranking member of Blue Diamond’s court I’m basically treated like royalty! I’m like my Diamond’s princess!” Lapis shouted trying to escape from the two.

“But that’s the thing, when all Gems are born they are ordered to do one meaningless task for the rest of their days. Does that seem boring to you?” Maw wondered getting uncomfortably close to her. “Yes, when working under Thanos we get to murder who we want, how we want and when we want!” Dwarf added with a bloodthirsty grin. “So what do you say little Lazuli, are you ready to earn your freedom?”

Lapis was now faced with a rather hefty offer. If she joined this Thanos they spoke so highly of, she could live her own free life and do whatever she should, but if she didn’t she would be as good as dead. But looking at Thanos, she would rather be shattered than join such a psychopath. Finally, with her eyes darkened, she made her decision. “I choose…” she began. “TO DIE!”

“I thought you would say that.” Ebony Maw stated motioning his bodyguard to his side with a snap of his fingers. “Black Dwarf, shatter her.” he commanded. “With pleasure.” Black Dwarf accepted preparing his weapons. He barreled toward the terraformer preparing to strike before she smacked him silly with a pair of water fists around her arms. “Leave me alone!” she screamed fighting back.

The two proceeded to duke it out while Ebony calmly spectated. Black Dwarf nearly came close to shattering Lapis and vice versa with Lapis against Dwarf. Eventually she dealt the finishing blow with a tsunami that washed the alien away as he vowed revenge. “Very well then. We shall meet again someday Lapis Lazuli, and then you will join us.” the minion of Thanos gave one last warning before retreating into a portal.

Lapis took a deep breath of relief after the fact. With that, she could be able to fly away from this planet as fast as she can before she felt a sudden sharp pain in her back as a Bismuth punched her in the gemstone. She had no time to react before her physical form fell apart and retreated back into her gem.

“So that’s why you shut your trap when talking about him.” Rocket said. “Guess I was right!” Star-Lord replied. “Looking back on the old days is fine and all, but we still got Thanos to deal with!” Captain Marvel exclaimed. “Exactly Captain, I am just eager to finally settle the score!” Ebony shouted giddily. “Dwarf, finish her off.”

“With pleasure Maw.” Dwarf snarled before charging at the alliance. They all prepared for an awesome showdown before charging into battle. Thanos just stood there and watched as his Black Order took on the accursed rebels and their allies. Captain America & Garnet teamed up against Corvus and Proxima while Pearl & Thor handled Ebony & Supergiant and Lapis contended with Black Dwarf. The rest all took on more Outriders summoned to fight.

“For Beach City, for Midgard!” Thor roared tossing his mighty hammer at Supergiant, who swiftly dodged it. “You missed Thor!” Pearl shouted. “Did I?” the future king of Asgard grinned reaching out for his trusted weapon. When it finally returned to him, it smacked the wraith square in the back of her head in its path. “You may be a god Odinson, but can you compare to a servant of Thanos?” Maw bragged summoning a large boulder over him with telekinesis. He chucked it at the duo but then with the combined might of Asgard’s finest warrior and the Crystal Gem, it was reduced to gravel.

“I have always wanted to fight such a stable fusion.” Proxima said clashing with Garnet. “Reminds me of the love between my dear Corvus and I.” she added gazing lovingly at her husband as he jabbed at Cap’s shield. “Wait, you two are in love?!” the fusion exclaimed trying to punch her in the face. “No you fool, we are married!”

“I would say congratulations, but you need to leave!” Garnet shouted landing a punch on Midnight’s midsection. “You wouldn’t understand fusion!” the female minion of Thanos shouted stabbing her opponent in the face with her trident, which caused her to defuse into Ruby and Sapphire. “What?!”

“We’re not just a fusion Proxima.” Sapphire declared creating a spear out of ice. “We are a conversation!” Ruby finished for her lover summoning her gauntlet. The two small Gems charged at the taller blue woman while Corvus continued fighting Cap.

“Why do you keep resisting fool? Don’t you see our master will destroy you once he obtains all six Infinity Stones again?!” he cried managing to produce a few dents in his shield. “Because we’ve beat him before and we’ll beat him again!” Steve declared tossing his shield and knocking out a few Outriders for Amethyst & Mantis before returning to his side.

Black Dwarf meanwhile was evenly matched with Lapis. Normally, he would’ve fought evenly with a Gem like Garnet, Rose, Bismuth or Jasper but Lapis was different. They were on a planet that was mostly water, her main element. She was basically on par with him here, but maybe if he could throw her off somehow. “The offer still stands terraformer, join us or face oblivion!” he boomed trying in vain to hit her with his mace. “No, I’ve chosen to defend Earth from the likes of you! You can shatter me all you want, but you’ll never take my freedom!” Lapis declared.

“That’s my girl!” Peridot cried as she rode on Hulk’s back while he plowed through Outriders. “Thanks Peri.” Lapis wistfully said turning to her best friend before being knocked face-first on the ground. “Well then, oblivion it is girl.” Dwarf snarled as he slammed his axe on her gem, cracking it. This in turn turned Lapis’s colors a darker shade of blue and her eyes glassy, almost mirror-like. “Oh no, not again!”

“Lapis!” Steven cried trying to save his friend. “Do not cry for her boy, she will perish just like all the Gems in the rebellion before her!” the brute shouted driving his weapon deeper, making her scream in pain. “That’s right! LOUDER!” he exclaimed, finding joy in her struggling. If his axe were to go any deeper, Lapis would be shattered right then and there. She couldn’t take this. She was powerless once more, facing the possibility of death and began to sob as he continued striking at the crack.

“You leave her alone you giant clod!” Peridot screamed using her ferrokinesis to grab Dwarf by his axe and toss him into a group of Outriders.

“Whoo, that’s my Kindergartener!” Amethyst cheered for her fellow shorty. “Yes, she is quite powerful!” Mantis added clapping before she was suddenly cornered by a very angry Black Dwarf. “Hey, leave my homegirls alone you big lizard!” the defective Quartz exclaimed grabbing him by the neck with her whips and tossing him around. “And I thought Thanos trained you better than that.”

“You ignorant worm! I shall grind you into dust!” Black Dwarf was at his breaking point, ready to destroy anything that dared cross him until his comrade Corvus stopped him. “Savor your strength brother, they are not worth our time anymore.” he stated. “Right, maybe we should let Master Thanos obliterate them.”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Thanos added preparing for battle. He raised his gauntlet-clad hand once again with an air of superiority surrounding him. “You leave them alone!” Steven shouted summoning his shield before he was punched aside. “No boy, this is between me and the rebels.” the Titan stated marching towards the Gems. Pearl was the first to stand up to him as she clashed her spear with his finger. “I remember fighting you in the Rebellion Thanos! Destroying thousands of Gems all for the sake of Lady Death was just utterly heartless!”

“That reminds me Pearl, how’s Rose doing?” the conqueror asked her with a manic smirk. “Well she uh, uh.” the lost defective Pearl began to stutter before she finally gave her answer. “She died to give birth to a child, whom was the one you punched.” she said gazing at Steven as he healed Lapis off to the side. “And are you still in love with her?” Thanos added. “Yes, but I’m trying to move on from-”

“I’ve heard enough. To be a great defender, you must let go of past mistakes and look to the future, but I believe you prefer to stay in the past with your beloved.” the destroyer insulted her. “Well you shouldn’t be saying that Mr. 'In Love with a Cosmic Deity That Isn’t Interested’!” Pearl shouted before she was grabbed by the torso and thrown away. “That is where you belong Pearl, thrown away like a forgotten toy! Perhaps that’s why you abandoned your Diamond.”

Then Amethyst attempted to fight him, strangling him with her weapon. “My my, is that an Amethyst I see?” he wondered. “Excuse me little one, I want to see Amethyst.” Amethyst was understandably enraged by his insult and pulled him down to the ground with a scream. “Don’t call me little like that ever! Ya hear me?!” she shouted turning into her Purple Puma form, jumping into the air and smacking him with an elbow attack before he grabbed her arm and tossed her to his feet. “I expected better from a Kindergarten.”

“That is enough Thanos!” Doctor Strange unleashed a barrier around the hybrid alien. “Doctor Strange, how good to see you again. For the last time.” Thanos boasted. “Garnet, now!” the Sorcerer Supreme commanded the newly refused Garnet as she charged toward the Titanian and kicked him right in the jaw.

“Leave my comrades alone Thanos or face my wrath!” she declared preparing to launch her gauntlets like rockets at him. “And what would your "wrath” be? Just standing around and doing nothing while your teammates get up to nonsense chicanery?“

Garnet immediately ceased fire to comprehend Thanos’s words, when suddenly Hulk, Thor, Black Panther, Captain Marvel, Ant-Man, Wasp, Spider-Man, Star-Lord, Drax and Groot attacked the Titan all at once. "PURPLE MAN HURT PINK BOY AND FRIENDS! HULK RIP OFF PURPLE MAN’S HEAD!” Hulk screamed. “Your days end here monster!” Hank shouted about to perform a flying kick before the Titan just mock-yawned and blasted them all away.

Then both Gamora & Nebula tried to fight him. “We’ve lived with your abuse for far too long!” Nebula screamed trying to stab her adoptive father before she was grabbed by the head and knocked out cold. “Take her away.” he simply commanded a lone Outrider who grabbed the Luphomoid’s unconscious form and scampered away, leaving the others crying her name.

“Get a load of this big guy!” Rocket roared while he and Yondu fired multiple arrows that simply failed to hit him not even once. “Are you all done yet?” was the flattest response Thanos could muster with a seriously bored expression on his face.

“We’re not done!” Peridot & Lapis cried out in unison preparing to stop him. “Oh look, the comic relief has arrived.” Thanos said turning to the barn mates. “You too Thanos?!” Lapis exclaimed incredulously preparing a tidal wave to wash him away. “Yeah, we’re Crystal Gems too!” Peridot added snatching Corvus Glaive’s weapon from his hands and took up arms. “If you claim to be Crystal Gems, then where are your stars?” He pointed straight at Peridot’s chest where that diamond symbol still hanged. “I-I’ll get mine soon, I’m just really hard to poof!”

“If these failures refuse to give you one, then maybe I can bestow it myself.” Thanos stated gesturing towards their fellow Gems as they struggled to get up before raising his left hand, preparing to destroy her and Lapis. Pretty much every one of the heroes was down for the count all except for two people: Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. “There’s only one way out of this.” Stark glowered at the Mad Titan behind his back before calling for Jarvis. “Jarvis?”

“Yes Mr. Stark?” Jarvis asked, ready to accept whatever command he was given. “Bring in Veronica.” Tony ordered. “Are you truly sure sir? After the last time you used it, it’s still in need of repairs.” the AI tried to advise against it. “I don’t care, we need to stop him!” Tony shouted. “All right then. Sending in Veronica.”

High above the battleground, a jet launched a crate with the Stark Industries name on it and crashed down right on top of Tony. The crate broke apart to reveal a large Iron Man armor as tall as Dr. Banner’s mutated half. This was Mark XLIV, the Hulkbuster.

“This is where we finish this Thanos.” Iron Man declared as Cap and the Hulkbuster charged toward him, ready to just end it all. “No, this is where I finish you.” Thanos heartlessly tore the Hulkbuster armor apart and pushed Tony away while Steve stumbled back.

It was over.

Thanos had won.

“Now all I need is the Mind Stone to become omnipotent.” he stated. That was when he heard the Captain begin to chuckle, followed by a light snicker and then finally a loud laugh for everyone to hear. “Cap!” Steven cheered rushing to his idol’s side.

“Why are you laughing?! You’ve lost!” Thanos wondered out loud. “It’s because we may have lost against you many times before Thanos, but we’ll always come out on top no matter what.” Rogers declared smirking. “And as long as one man stands against you, you will never claim victory.”

“My mom saw the beauty in everything. But I’m sure she didn’t see it in you.” Steven added with a determined glare. “Such noble sentiments from two mortals who are about to die.” Thanos declared preparing once more for battle. This was it, the final epic battle for the Infinity Stones and the fate of all that lives within the universe. The half-human son of Rose Quartz and the First Avenger against the almost all-powerful Mad Titan.

Thanos made his first move, pounding the sand beneath them with his fist to blind the two and firing an energy blast from his hands. “Out of the way!” Steven cried and the two dodged it. “Good maneuvers there kid!” the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan commended his young fan’s brilliance. The boy had no time to geek out over this as Thanos prepared to fire from a large rifle.

“Stasis gun!” Rogers exclaimed before Steven pulled out his shield to block the blast. “The shield of that accursed Rose Quartz! Then that must mean-” Thanos realized. “You must be her son.”

“I know, but I’m not like her! My mom may have done some bad things in the past, but I’m gonna make up for them!” Steven proclaimed. “Typical Rose Quartz, always using others to further her own goals like the fool she is.” the Mad Titan sarcastically lamented. “No, you’re the fool here for claiming you can just win all over again!” Cap declared fiercely. Thanos felt something snap in him, as if a small string finally gave way. He did not like how this puny human had just insulted him and gotten off scott free.

Without even the slightest of hesitation, Thanos ripped Captain America’s shield from his hands, broke it in two, stabbed him with both halves and shoved him into the cliffside, knocking him unconscious.

“STEVE!” they all cried out for their friend, terrified at what Thanos has done. “That could happen to the rest of you if I am disrespected any further.” the Titan declared. “Now hand over the Mind Stone or this planet shall become a forgotten memory.”

“Just let him have it Steven, we just can’t take it anymore.” Pearl finally resigned as the Crystal Gems felt utterly defeated despite their efforts. “You can take the Mind Stone, just please don’t hurt any of my friends or this planet.” Steven begged Thanos. “Hm, I shall give you this. You know how to put the needs of others before yours.” the villain complimented him. “Go, retrieve your stone. And I solemnly swear your planet shall remain living.”

“Come on everyone. For Earth.” Garnet declared getting up and leading the other Gems to the Burning Room. Opening the door, they walked inside and Steven jumped up to retrieve the Infinity Stone in its bubble. The rebels took one long last look at the artifact, still glimmering within its bubble before taking back outside where Thanos was waiting, eagerly anticipating the final stone.

“Here it is Thanos, the Mind Stone.” Steven popped the bubble and held out the stone for Thanos to take. “Thank you very much boy.” he thanked the child taking it out of his mitts and finally inserting it into the Gauntlet.

It was all over, the Gauntlet was complete and Thanos has now become a god. With just a wave of his hand, entire galaxies could tremble at his feet or he could destroy the entire universe and remake it in his image. But as for now, he will just relish in this victory over the incompetent rebels Rose left behind.

“I shall have you know son of Rose, or Steven Universe as they refer to you, that from now on my reign of terror shall be blamed on you and your planet. What’s left of the universe shall desire to carve out your heart and sacrifice it to me as their new god.” Thanos boomed one last time. “Even centuries from now when your pitiful Crystal Gems fade into the wind, they will tell stories of how one little boy has doomed them all.”

“I don’t care, you promise that Earth will live, right?” Steven wept before sobbing in Garnet’s arms. “Indeed child, Earth will be spared from my wrath. For now.” He then turned back to his intimidating vessel. “My Black Order, return to my side! It is time to lay siege to a certain empire.” His loyal minions did as they were told as they wearily stood up and returned to their lord’s aide before entering the ship.

Thanos simply looked back at the Gems with an arrogant sneer before the spaceship’s entrance finally closed and it took off, leaving Earth behind. “Now then, let’s see how Rogers is doing.” Pearl stated blankly walking over to the others, in which Tony, Hank and Strange checking his vitals. “Anything Tony?” she asked. “He’s all right, just knocked unconscious and in critical condition. But we don’t know if he’s going to make it out okay.”

“I-it’s okay guys! Superheroes die and come back a lot! He’s gonna come back eventually, right guys?!” Spider-Man tried to lighten their spirits in his usual manner, but to no avail. There was an air of dead silence in the area.

To the Avengers, they had lost a dear friend and a leader. To Lapis and Peridot, though they hadn’t known him long, they felt their pain. To the Guardians, they lost a trusted ally. But the Crystal Gems took it the hardest.

Garnet lost someone whom she could call an equal. Amethyst lost someone she could aspire to be like. Pearl lost the man whom she bonded with and was the closest to him out of all the Avengers. But to Steven, he lost his hero, his idol, the very super he looked up to. He had learned from him to stand up for what is right no matter the odds, to be with the ones you love til the end of the line, but most importantly to bring hope to even the darkest of times.

This time of mourning lasted throughout the night until the sun finally rose. Normally, the sun rising would mean new beginnings but for this despairing crew, it meant the beginning of the end.

“Guys?”

The Gem Homeworld. A sprawling utopia that has been the home of Gemkind for thousands of years, Ruled by the Great Diamond Authority, this planet has been at relative peace until they started running low on resources, in which they tried to resolve it by harvesting other planets to create new Gems.

But now, a certain tyrant has invaded with a score to settle with Homeworld’s monarchs and has decided to attract them by shattering every single Gem within his sights. All except one that managed to flee his rampage and make it her mission to warn her Diamond of his arrival.

A lone Citrine raced to a nearby communication port and punched in a special code to contact her Diamond, only to be met with her Pearl. “Welcome to the Diamond Line, what do you want?” Yellow Pearl snarked in a snooty tone of voice. “Listen, you have to connect me to Yellow Diamond! He’s finally come for us!” the Citrine warned much to the Pearl’s shock.

“Pearl, what is this about 'he’ returning?” a deep feminine voice wondered picking up the projector to reveal none other than Yellow Diamond. “My Diamond, I have terrible news! Thanos has returned, and he has all the Infinity Stones! You must contact the others and assemble every Gem you got to stop him! We need-”

Before Citrine could finish, the communicator was totaled by an energy blast from none other than Ebony Maw. “Well well, aren’t we a bit tenacious here?” he chided the soldier backing her into a corner and preparing an energy blast. “Savor your energy Ebony.” Thanos declared gently pushing his minion out of the way and forcing Citrine to the ground, aiming his foot at her hand where her gemstone was placed. “When you perish by my heel, tell your comrades in the next world I said hello.” And with that, he stomped Citrine’s gem, instantly shattering her.

“Thanos has returned?!” Blue Diamond screamed in horror as she and her sister raced to confront Thanos. “Yes, a Citrine soldier of mine warned me he would return someday.” Yellow commented. “Now where is White?!”

“Still can’t find her.” Blue moaned before they finally reached the Mad Titan, having already reduced their united army into five Rubies, an Aquamarine, a pair of Topazes and an Emerald fearing for their lives.

“This is all you have to offer now? I expected better from intergalactic warlords!” Thanos exclaimed crushing an inactive gemstone in his hand. “Thanos! What brings you back here you mongrel?!” Yellow Diamond roared preparing to strike him down. “Don’t do it my Diamond, Thanos is not to be messed with!” one of the Rubies begged her Diamond. “This Ruby is right Yellow, stand down or face my wrath.”

“Maybe we should just listen to his demands and maybe he’ll leave.” Blue Diamond suggested, to which her Pearl readily agreed. “Never! This Titan has disgraced us for far too long, and it’s time I get revenge for Pink!” Yellow screamed preparing to face off against Thanos before he raised the Gauntlet and said a single word. “KNEEL!”

Almost instantaneously, the two monarchs and their Pearls dropped to their knees before the Mad Titan. Just then, Mephisto materialized behind him. “Master, your new planet is almost ready. Your fleets have already prepared several worlds for you to terrorize.” the demon announced bowing.

“Excellent Mephisto.” Thanos thanked his servant before turning back to the Diamonds. “Perhaps if you hadn’t done nothing but sit around and mourn the demise of that brat rather than do as you were meant to do, then maybe things would’ve been different.”

“What is he implying?” Blue Pearl mumbled. “I am trying to say-” Thanos began before he stopped himself. “I shall work out the details later. But right now…” He turned away and stepped forward, gazing upon the sky of Homeworld and thinking about the various planets that he could conquer, all for his beloved. “He’s really going to do it.” Mephisto muttered almost fearfully as the others looked at Thanos gazing at something that clearly isn’t there.

But to Thanos, this was the form of his beloved Lady Death, standing there in front of him, her black robes hiding her wistful, neutral expression. Thanos grinned as he raised his hand skyward. Now that he was a god, what was his first act?

A single fingersnap.

To be continued in Steven Universe: Secret Wars

Part 2: Battleworld

Well that’s it everyone. The day has finally come. Let the universe howl in despair for Thanos has risen. Can the Crystal Gems and the Avengers find a way to stop him? Find out next time, coming soon.

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rylandgreen · 5 years ago

Text

Biography

NAME: Ryland Greengrass AGE: 28 BIRTHDAY: September 3, 1953 (Virgo) BLOOD STATUS: Halfblood HOUSE ALUMNI: Ravenclaw HEIGHT: 5′10″ HAND ARM: Left hand

Basic Bio: (x)

Digging Deeper:

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Ryland is a cismale who uses traditional He/Him pronouns. Outwardly he is straight. Inwardly, well, he thinks he is, but Ryland has also never let his mind dwell on the way his eyes traced the flexed arms of male Quidditch players or the nimble fingers of his friends. What he really would identify with if he took the time to properly reflect and learn some options is anyone’s guess, but he certainly is not the strait-laced straight man he thinks he is.

PERSONALITY:

“BRIEF” OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Even with all their differences, even with all their animosity, Ryland thought he was safe among them. After all, they were family.

OCCUPATION: Gringotts Researcher—Prior to his kidnapping, Ryland had worked his way up to a coveted spot on the Gringotts vault security team. It had him doing valuable work within Gringotts that also occasionally gave him access to sensitive vaults whose contents might interest the Order. However, his position was given away during his absence, as he clearly hadn’t asked vacation time. Gringotts did allow him to come back into their employment, but he’s been rerouted to another division for the only available position fitting his talents. He’s now a researcher for Gringotts Cursebreakers, which means he spends a lot of time poring over old books and offering practical advice. The work doesn’t interest him as much, as it reverted him from creating puzzles to solving them, but at least it’s still of potential interest in the Order in its own way. He hasn’t lost all his usefulness to the world.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

SURVIVAL:

RELATIONSHIPS:

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

#bio #i know this is long and i apologize for it on the dash

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