#“isnt that just friendship tho????”
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ykw, romantic destiel is fun and all, but have yall considered QPR destiel??
because to me, in My head (as the coolest and silliest aroace around), a queer platonic relationship is "not quite romantic, not quite platonic, but a cooler secret third thing that is only for us and maybe won't make sense to many if anyone else" - which like,, I think fits destiel soo much better
(and maybe I just wanna spread my demiro/ace!Dean & aro/grayace!Cas propaganda....)
#if anyone comes into the notes saying#“isnt that just friendship tho????”#i will personally set you on fire#ANYWAYS#spn#supernatural#castiel#dean winchester#destiel#aromantic#asexual#demiromantic#gray ace#qpr#queer platonic relationship#qpr destiel#aroace#personally i think that#dean is ambivalent about sex#and cas is similarly ambivalent about romance#lgbt headcanons
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5% of a color headcanon.... two versions since b&w emphasizes the dagger more i think but i still like the warm tones ASFSADA
i am not biased towards rainbow daggers whatsoever i promise (lie)
((also friend is streaming now and im there too!! bit more info linked here, its rated mature tho))
#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#i think tumblr is chewing on this ah well#its more of a weapon color headcanon than anything else tbh SAFASDA#but its very funny in my mind to refer to this as#insert percent amount of color headcanon here ASDASFA#i do not have many color headcanons tbh???#overall i would say i have like 1.15(ish) color headcanons that are solid in my brain across the cast???#the rainbow dagger has been in my minds eye for a long time#um SPOILERISH talk ahead in tag talk so be warned#i am serious!! turn back now if u dont want SPOILERS!!!#can u imagine if siffrins parents had lovingly crafted that white cloak and helped him pick out the pure black fit when younger#so they could be fashionably black and white like if things were in color or something#but then the first thing siffrin picks out on their own terms is literally the most colorful thing imaginable for the dagger#i do not know if that makes much sense but yeah#it is fun in my minds eye ASDAFA#actually is it ever mentioned where siffrin got the dagger??#was it also passed down????#ik the cloak was for sure from his family#and the pure black fit underneath is up in the air i think#tho if it was a first pass pick from parents#and he continued to pick it again and again after they got older subconsciously or not might be fun to think about#also do not mind the art style shift it might happen again LMAO#probably sparingly tho? who knows!!!#should i link stream in this post??? i dont know???#i feel a lil bad if it isnt related?????#oh well im doing it anyway because friendship :]#honestly did not think i would also have anything to post today but uh oops sorta just happened and it lined up so ASFASDA#anyway tag talk over stream time WOOO and i think i hit tag limit LMAO
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so there's this manhwa... 😁
#no home#no home wanan#eunyung baek#minju gong#haejoon goh#marie kim#my art#click for higher quality#?#transfem eunyung#btw. but that kinda goes without saying hehe#also#no juwan or hara this time hashtag sorry#they do get mentioned tho if u look closely teehee#eunyung minju friendship is criminally underutilized#not to worry wanan i will amend this or die trying#also also#i belatedly realized that haejoons hair is parted the wrong way... My Bad#character design wise hes like a distant relative of the miya twins to me (hair and eyebrows. and vibes i guess)#also also also#they should create a series where drawing the characters hair isnt a herculian trial#ive been sorta avoiding marie bc her hair seemed like such a pain in the ass to even attempt#and it was but i just sorta did whatever i wanted forever. im happy enough with it yauyyy#well. in any event#PLEASE READ NO HOME GYUYS PLEAESPLEAEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLAESEPLEAESPLEASEPLEAESEPLEASEEPLSEAEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEAASE
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crazy take: aside from actual lesbian romance stories, obviously, nothing passes the bechdel test better than moe "cute girls doing cute things" anime. its always just a group of girls, few to no named male characters, boys and dating are hardly ever brought up beyond the abstract, if at all. like we're focusing on the girls hanging out rn, we dont need to worry abt that shit. mugi just ate mio's strawberry.
#this doesnt mean i think all ''cute girls doing cute things'' anime is feminist btw#thats not my take. the test itself isnt a metric for feminism#im just saying if you take the rules purely at face value. that type of show kills it#but also no the genre isnt for the male gaze! everyone go watch 'a place further than the universe' and develop some emotions#even k on which i joked abt in the post- its actually a bit complicated bc of the way the anime deviates from the manga#but the short of it is the further it gets away from its source and becomes its own thing the more it becomes abt the girls#s2 being all original was the strongest. its a great story about the fleeting nature of youth and lasting friendships actually#ppl dont give it enough credit. yes its slice of life ofc but its really good#also not to mention bocchi. everyone loved bocchi. in that show they literally have a joke where they dont show the dads face#bc no male characters LOL#the acceptation being that one club owner who is meant to be more feminine? manga readers know more abt that tho
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crick is a few years older than isaiah... what if he had very faint i was a little boy memories of isaiahs mom before she died oxo
#thinking sooo hard about it#really a blind leading the blind moment#they get along well honestly. crick enables isaiahs sadboy side where he just wants to mope about bad stuff in his life#and isaiah enables crick to actually get it out of his system because hes very active (destructive) about negative expression#isaiah isnt a crier hes a breaker. crick is a sogggggggggy drinker who just cries all day abt it#so theyre very cathartic left to their own devices#i think crick being like thank god my mom drove my dad off. hed probably be like your dad if he was still around#and isaiah goes i wish my mom was around to do that... and getting soggy about not having ever gotten to know her#so crick dredges up the faintst foggiest memories of knowing her before she died and isaiahs RAPT just RAPT#and it makes crick cry bc hes SUCH a mamas boy the idea of losting cathy like that makes him blubber#so they just blubber about it together#thats their whole dynamic LOL#its why they only ever let themselves be alone 1ce and they went on a wholeass sadboy road trip about it#then did NOT stay in touch after#bc its not. a very healthy friendship all things considered#its really great when hunter first leaves tho bc crick is the ONLY person who gets it. what isaiahs feeling#bc he and hunter werent together but he LOOOOVED him and crick had the same thing happen w d.alex when he left for college#and never ever came back. ever. he left for good the moment he got a foot out#ofc that comes around to isaiah and hunter absolutely end up together and crick and d.alex Do Not. dave never felt that way abt him so#but its for the best#cricks husband is VERY good for him. gideon is no nonsense and doesnt have time for moping#he whips crick into shape as his lil househusband instead LOL
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The dichotomy of miruku being loving vs. being romance repulsed. nothing is romantic vs. choosing to devote yourself to someone. saying ' i don't love you like that ' & ' i want to learn how to love you properly. ' in the same breath. Never wanting to get married or make a family of his own, but if you want too, he supposes he could — or not even really intending to stay with you for long or at all, but since you asked so nicely and you've been so kind, there's no reason for him to say no. ( tbf, sometimes you make his skin crawl , but it's okay! he chose you too . )
#𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒄. ⸻ ◜ character analysis/ miruku◞#* i have another aro character but isnt repulsed & a lot more awful about it#* miruku at least tries to be gentle with people hearts just that he is ultra grossed out with it#* he can only every tolerate ppl that unlocked level 99 friendship w/ him tho#* otherwise he'd have thought ur some freak scum again trying to kill him 😡#* love interest : in love with you lets get married and make a family.#* pukes inside his mouth : of course ♡
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not to reblog that one jo post but i am special hihi
#also you cant have deep friendships without being hurt sometimes#bc you are still connecting to other people(not yourself)and you will care for each other and need each other differently at times#bc you still live different lives and those thing then affect you differently#and you just won't meet each others needs all of the time#and its that feeling of love and hurt but as long as that hurt isnt like caused on purpose#or on sheer lack of care for you as a person#i dont know#my best friendships were the ones that made me feel all the range of my emotions#and i never regret coming back to them#and that is also why i never regretted (okay lies there was this one time but still mostly) cutting them off if i felt the need#and i dont think they ever regretted coming back to me when i wasnt the perfect friend#(which btw i hate ya novels so much for this bc id see friendships and always be jealous of how good friends some people were#and how they always knew to say the right thing and how i would want to be that kind of friend even tho those were written planned people)#but anyways i was gloating this is my gloating post lol#0 notes to me#this is so silly also pls dont take my friendship experience too seriously like i am not a looking up to person haha
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Gosh I love your art!
But uh whats your favorite deltarune ships?
Thank you so much!! Oh gosh, you really caught me off guard with this one hah!
Well, uh I think it should be pretty obvious which ships I like by now...
It's clearly-
It-
It's obviously...
THOSE GUYS!
#i mean look at them#theyre so adorable together#i mean geez cmon theyre h*lding h*nds what isnt there to love#literally relationship goals fr#ok in all seriousness though there are a couple other dynamics i enjoy besides the royal guards#im just gonna go ramble in the tags hoping i wont get crucified for my takes heh#i think it should come as no surprise that i enjoy the dynamic of a certain reindeer and a certain purple dino-like monster#i am really excited to see where this will go in the next couple of chapters#im pretty laid back as far as other ship dynamics go; i enjoy seeing em even when my brain doesnt immediately go “i ship it” right away#theyre still cute and i am very easily swayed into shipping things so who knows how well this post will age#ok nvm actually i also lowkey ship asgore and rudy ngl i reread the undertale alarm clock dialogue and it was just a little cute ok??#there are a ton of dynamics i enjoy as friendships tho; such as susie/kris; berdly/noelle; susie/lancer; catti/jockington and ralsei/kris#i am aware ralsei and kris had the boat ride thingy together but i am still waiting to see what happens next#since the game isnt finished yet some things i mentioned here might change after i get the whole picture#i mean there are like 5 more chapters to go so a lot of stuff might happen and grow into something else who knows lol#lupucs spam over#ask#anon#lupucs chats
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I had a dream last time where i was Welsknight and i was on hermitcraft (not playing the game, the world *was* minecraft).
So i kept trying to help Joe Hills build his montain base with a statue on the outside wich opened up in ik a mountain face. There was this huge dungeon outside too. And i was SO exited to help and do things. But the other hermits kept getting more and more annoyed with me when i just wanted to have fun. At some point everyone was just walking around the builds (mostly still joe's base) and i felt so bad i was just lagging behind, purposefully phasing trough the ground spectator mode style (i was able to do that and flying all along, something that nobody else did but it's not that unusual for me to have some awarness in dreams and therefore more or less lucidly do things). I was hoping to hear them say nice things about me or even apologise so that i could reassure myself i wasnt hated. They didnt.
It all came to an end when we ended up at joe's base again, on a side of the dungeon that was opened up to the air near a river. And an hermit (i am pretty sure it was hypno; he was for sure one of the people that talked then) pointed at another hermit and sayed a small, nice descriptive about them. The hermit he sayed this too (i think it was stress, but i was a bit far because i didnt want to get close. Might have been another girl) started to do the same to someone.
At that point i was laying on the ground in the position i had gotten out of phasing moden and i realised it was only a matter of time before it came to me, or they noticed i was there if they hadnt before. But before i could phase back into the ground the person stress had pointed to had already taken two steps towards me, pointed at me and just said "Vile Friend".
VILE FRIEND.
And then i WOKE UP.
I am messed up right now HOLY SHIT. It took me a while to get myslef back together properly before i would leave my bed. When i saw my shelf with all my hermitcraft cards when getting up i was filled with as much anger and dread as when you look at some merch from a youtubeur that was cancelled. It's fine now but WOW.
ANYWAY hermitblr if someone wants to take that and make it into a hurt/no comfort fanfic feel free because holy shit. Actually no bonus points if you include Helsknight showing up and taking care of Wels while hating on the other hermits.
#notreal#dreams#welsknight#hermitcraft#hermitblr#vile friend messed me up bad#not sure what to tag this honestly#english isnt even my first language even tho i have been speaking mostly in it in my head for years now#Still while i don't usually notice when the switch happen when i dream nearly none of them have english#wich is weird but sure#anyway just to say i never talk in english irl so i never had someone actually insult me like that in english#Also i always second guess every few friendships i have due to autism so that hit HARD#And Vile is such a strong word#Anyway it actually got me thinking about the idea of a wels with did and hels as a protector when i woke up#But it hits too close to home right now for me to do anything with it so i'm leacing the idea to whoever reads this
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I swear BOTH TIMES a new tadc episode has released leading up to it ive had the most stressful few hours and have been told something thats brought me immense distress by my friend and had to lock myself in the bathroom for ~30 mins so i didnt die. is this becoming a pattern. should i prepare myself next time
#the first time round when ep 2 released he came out as trans#which isnt a bad thing but also Change Is Scary and it came as a massive shock and i was already dealing with a lot of stress#it just kinda tipped me over the edge#then i dont think i can disclose the reason for the second time but it was certainly something that brought me a lot of distress#enough that i feel a bit of a wedge between us because im too scared of it being brought up to talk to him#because i dont know how to deal with it#tho i think im the only person who feels that i dont think he cares#im glad that he told me over text its much harder to pretend to not be having a crisis in real life#more importantly than that my sister had the most massive friendship drama ever#tho on the bright side i got to cuss out one of her ex friends who i didnt like so whos the real winner
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fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
#tw sh related#me when listening to so long london is giving me flashbacks the the worst most toxic friendship of my life#the relationship i attribute to most of my bad habits and fucked up shit i picked up from her#and she just moved on so quickly and i was left picking up the pieces for two years#and im still trying to mend them i havent even gotten there yet#and its fucking me up i cant think about it anymore#and i cant relapse right now i really really cant#im staying the weekend with my friend and we've been talking about this shit and god its supposed to be in the past#but its not and ive been lying so much#because she thinks its been two years when really its closer to maybe a month#god i cant relapse fuck fuck fuck shit dude#and my dumb stupid idiot ass keeps a fuck ton of pins with me because i like them on my bag#even tho thats how this shit started three years ago#i mean three fucking years how can i not be over it#this isnt the same girl i tried to kms over btw#i had a lot of toxic fucked up relationships in my suicidal era#ok i feel a bit better after having gotten that all out#im also wearing short sleeves rn to fully convince myself i cant relapse#ok im stable now i think at least i can breathe#alex says shit
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#writing#poetry#2022#july 2022#july 10 2022#Love filled and lonely#Welcome back to I Don’t How To Format These Images!!#i was gonna post this without even rereading it but then i was like actually i’ll read it#and its better than I expected!#this was when i was trying to rhyme so it has a pretty good flow#and its more optimistic than expected#though i never really was able to care about those friends as i wanted and i think that kind of caring i wanted is just rare for me#im not really upset about it tho#Ive just realized that that picturesque version of friendship#where its this small group thatd die for each other isnt for everyone#like i dont think im designed for small friend groups and maybe excessive commitment too#i keep leaning more towards the loveless aro title#like where you dont treat platonic stuff as like a substitute for romance#like i dont think queer platonic stuff is for me#but anyways I didn’t know that then so im tagging it with my old perspective not my new one#Queer platonic#qpr
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So I've had no time to write today bc work etc etc but I've been thinking about it like All day and
I have chapter 17 all plotted out, and tbh could potentially write it in a matter of days, brain willing. It's finally back to Not action, which as fun as action is to write its also fucking Hard. So it'll be nice not having to agonize over the sound of a fucking chain (Twice) etc etc. Add in the fact that it's gonna be angsty as hell (angst is always the Easiest for me to write) & I rly think I could knock this one out quickly.
And the Great news is that. Examining the timeline and what I have planned...
Wolfwood is definitely arriving in chapter 18. And not at the end like I'd suspected. No, he's probably gonna be there towards the Start.
I've gotten through the two most difficult arcs to write for early ITNL, so the ball is really rolling now. We are Finally getting places...
#speculation nation#itnl shit#the sandsteamer and the legato & monev things were Important#and i wanted to capture them in ways that was exciting to read#and displayed the sorts of things vash is doing to Make Things Better (with varying levels of success)#plus the experience of his friendship with the girls growing... these arcs have been ESSENTIAL for the progression of their relationships#so yes early manga stuff isnt really applicable for the vw but this isnt ONLY a vw fic#it's an examination of ALL of vash's important relationships. like with the girls. and with his brother.#thats why i got the platonic tags too. They Matter.#so i dont regret how much time and effort ive spent on all this stuff#... that being said tho. im REALLY looking forward to when he finally comes in.#i wont really know what to do with myself i dont think.#itnl has been such an exploration of grief and longing. and then itll actually get to the NEW romance???#big if true. and it's Gonna be true soon...#so yea idk. im excited. im a little nervous too. just gonna try my best to make sure it keeps being good.#readers r so very nice. and i wanna give y'all what ur Really looking forward to...#soon. Soon.
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🐇☁️🌷🐌
#seeing her actually went so much better than i thought it would#i was so anxious but there were no issues at all#the thing is she's such a chill and understanding person she really dont care if i jumble my words or say smth wrong or whatever#i dont need to worry abt sounding 'stupid' bc she just doesnt see it that way#so yeah my anxiety disappeared pretty quick c:#(i still feel like there's a wall between me and others tho my avpd isnt cured skskks)#and it was just nice. we walked a loooot. and sat by the beach and talked#she gave me lots of tips and advice abt applying for jobs and school stuff. she doesnt judge me for being 25 and not having started yet#and she's gonna start studying next year and suggested that we could study together sometimes to motivate eo#so hmmmm maybe it went a lot better than my doom mind thought it would#i rlly do believe ppl hate me but why would she even bother talking to me then??#so yeah it was a nice experience :3#it's been like 6yrs since i hung out w someone that wasnt my mom and it reallyyy is good for my mental health#i still feel like ohhh this isnt the friendship im craving but there are tons of different friendships. this is nice just bc it is.#i shouldnt let myself minimize it or think it's 'not real' just bc it isnt exactly what i long for. this is good still.
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🍓
#umm he couldnt even be bothered to react to my messages with emojis?!?!?#like he said that he isnt up for talking and i respect that#i asked him if it's still ok for me to message him and he said 'ofc'#so i did.... i had to push myself bc im feeling like he hates me and doesnt wanna hear from me#all of my disorders saying that haha#so i pushed myself to message him when i wanted to#but.... ok i didnt expect him to reply#but he read it and didnt even give me an emoji#im aware that i sound crazy#this is just how im FEELING#i feel stupid and ashamed for thinking he even wants to listen to me yap about nonsense#i hate myself for being so stupid and sending him pics and a video of the crow i saw#like shut up dumb bitch nobody cares!!!!!!!! shut up#no wonder he cant be in love with me#im pathetic and stupid#his ex that he actually loves is probably smart and witty and cool#and would never be such a fkn loser like i an#am*#god... genuinely hate myself#why dont i know how to shut up??#definitely wont be messaging him anymore now jesus christ im so embarrassing#im still hurt tho like couldnt he at least have reacted with an emoji#is that too much to ask for......#i mean listen in any relationship#where u have disorders.. communication and BOTH ppl making an effort is needed#the only way our 'friendship' is even working is bc im just allowing him to do whatever#and im just dealing with the emotional suffering lol#he doesnt even make an effort to reassure me or anything#so yes i cant force him or ask anything of him. but i FEEL hurt by how im not worthy of anything to him#while im over here allowing him to hurt me constantly sksksk
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.
#coming to tumblr for the first time in three days just to bitch because i feel like shit <333#sorry if i havent responded to your message i will as soon as i get a grip but rn im just too busy#both with uni and with crying because a friend said a mean thing to me lol#and because im tired of this new friendship already and tired of hearing this girl talking how great she is lol#am i jealous? fuck yeah i am.#and it's not like she's mean like straight up. cause like.#when i say im really considering quitting and dropping out she tries to encourage me ig#but then she follows it up with 'ofc *I* never had a problem with this and that because it always just came naturally to me teehee#but yknow. dont give up uwu'#and she keeps sending me recordings of her singing to tell her how good she is and always tells me how her teacher praises her#and like. its cool. like i get it that its a nice feeling when you do something well and wanna share that joy with a friend#but idk. i just think its kinda. well not mean but a litt#*a little tone deaf? when ive just been telling her that im in a Bad Place rn and my voice isnt working as it should#and my pianist is bullying me and i end up crying on almost every lesson#and she hits me with a 'damn that sucks fuck that pianist dont give up tho <3#now do you wanna listen to me sing bel raggio lusinghier like a pro and my professor telling me i am sublime?'#also when i tell her that im sorry that im not very social and i just cannot stay and chat cause im having a horrible day today#and really dont feel well and she's like 'yeah i havent noticed anything you're always like that... *side eye*' in a way that suggests#im a horrible friend cause im not talking with her enough and yet again im disappointing her (aint that familiar lol)#i just. idk. the last two-three weeks have been absolutely horrible to me. i cant get out of bed i havent done a single colorful make up#in so long ive basically forgotten how to do that. and i loved doing fun make up looks that make people tell me i look like a clown.#but i just dont have the energy to do anything more than put on a random tshirt and spray dry shampoo on my unwashed hair#i dont even wear my rings anymore. ive stopped caring about being the pinkest slayest queerest looking bitch in the room cause i just. cant#and even some casual friend of mine asked me yesterday if im okay cause they can see something is Not Right. but SHE not only doesnt notice#anything. i have a feeling she feels like im disappoing and neglecting her because i cant be bothered to text with her 24/7#like idk. maybe its just my imagination but i barely even feel like an actual person. more like just a homunculus made to trail after her#and listen to her bragging about how pretty/talented/unbothered she is#oh and also for her to keep dissing m/ozart lol like idk why it hurts me so bad but then ig its not that unusual to feel shitty#when someone keeps talking shit about something you really love and are passionate about and making you feel like an idiot#because you like it. because its stupid and boring and you're a simpleton for enjoying it instead of liking sth more 'ambitious'
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