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milkcolle · 5 months ago

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pluralasking's 100 questions!!!!!! wow!!!!!!! I was bored at work lol answers under the cut

1. What is your System name and / or the name you collectively go by?

we're the milky way collective! shortened to milkcolle, but we're all fine getting referred to as seven. technicallyyyy that's nara's internet persona name, but we've all basically gotten used to it being used. so we're all fine with it!

2. Which word do you prefer to use for your System? (example: System, Collective, Constellation, ...)

we're a collective! we're fine with being called a system, since we are, but we use collective in our system name because at first we were really afraid to call ourselves a system or even plural! avoiding the term system in general made it easier for us while we figured things out and realized no, we aren't actually stealing a term not for us.

3. What are your Systems origins, if you choose to label them?

traumagenic did!

4. Do you have any Subsystems?

no idea, but we do have a lot of "groups".

5. Do you have any Sidesystems?

once again, not sure!

6. What is your opinion on you& / your& language and similar types?

im honestly not super familiar but like do what you want? lol. not for us though. just say "you guys" or something.

7. What methodes do you use to keep track of your System and it's Members?

mostly simplyplural at this point! plurali we use to share our list with our singlet friends. we had a neocities at one point but it started getting hard to update with every change. we also used to use pinterest? but then we had a lot of fusions and its likeeee cleaning it up is gonna be a huge task so we stopped using it.

8. What is your Systems ways of communication?

we usually can communicate pretty fine in the head! we don't really have an internal world though so a lot of it is just "I know this now that I'm fronting" or "we can talk but only when we're cocon".

9. Is communication hard or easy for you (and why is it the way it is)?

I mean I hear other systems can talk in their internal world? or have things happen when they're not fronting? so like. hard in comparison to that. sometimes we also get walled off. like now! we're recovering at the moment though so things should get better for our communication soon.

10. Do you view yourselves as parts of one person or as multiple people in one body?

we're individual people! we tend to think of all systems like this unless explicitly told not to.

11. Who are you out to as plural?

just online really! irl we could never talk about this kind of thing.

12. What languages do you collectively / one of you speak?

i meannnn we're only fluent in english. we have been learning japanese but we keep getting sidetracked now that we're not in traditional school learning it and have to self study. we can read hiragana and katakana and Some kanji. we really need to brush up on it though lollll someone yell at us to take out our genki book again

13. What is something you can't seem to collectively agree on?

aesthetic. most of us are into alt fashion but in different ways, and then there's the people who are like super normal and don't really give a fuck about how we present. ouji fashion vs sweatpants and a tshirt vibes lol

14. If you have a collective Identity (such as Gender or Orientation), what is it?

we're a gay gnc trans man collectively!

15. Do you collectively identify as queer / LGBTQIA+?

yes! nobody in our system is cishet anyway

16. Do you collectively identify as Otherkin, Alterhuman or Nonhuman?

yes! the line between kin and fictive is hard for us to identify, so we mainly just identify as fictionkin. if people aren't open to that kind of thing, we do also refer to ourselves as multifictives to help people understand better. a lot of us also consider themselves to be nonhuman otherkin, with many of us heavily identifying as related to the divine or the undead.

17. Do you have a collective rentry / carrd / something along those lines? (feel free to share!)

no, but our plurali is here!

18. What does switching feel like for you?

when we're not in a bad headspace, there's like a pressure in our head and we sort of lose focus for a bit before someone else hops in. if we're in a bad headspace, it's more like someone will lose their hold on front and we end up blurry, sometimes rapid switching for a while until someone can get back up to a solid front again.

19. Are you Monoconscious, Polyconscious or something else?

honestly I don't fully get this but I guess poly? we're all individual people. though we do have a lot of common knowledge and don't black out amnesia most of the time when we're mentally ok.

20. What does fronting feel like for you?

hi this is aira! sometimes there's a fog and I feel a little lightheaded, but normally it just feels like. existing? im just a guy.

21. How many System members do you have?

at the moment of typing: 35? maybe? again we're in a very weird mental situation and have made some changes but we're not sure how much is the dissociation making us think someone new split or if someone new actually split. because mistakes happen! often, actually! that's dissociation for you lol

22. Which word / words do you prefer to use for members of your System?

alters and headmates!

23. Which age group seems to be the most common in your System?

mostly adults in their 20s. and I mean. bodily we're 25, so

24. Which gender seems to be the most common in your System?

most of us are masc, either binary men or nonbinary men.

25. Are there any talents / hobbies you picked up because of a Member?

i got us back into watching anime, though I really like shoujo and the others aren't super into it? meanwhile nara got me and lambda into jfashion (mainly jirai). also dromi is the main reason we play genshin, even though we started playing for maki lol

26. Do you have any in-system relationships?

i think nara and lucio are still /r???????? and there's also maybe something going on with nara and evie but who knows. but most of our relationships are familial! we have a lot of siblings and siblinglikes in here.

27. Do you label roles within your System (and if yes, which ones?)

roles are very fluid! so we don't! plus not everyone has a role, and we don't like the idea that there has to be some larger meaning for someone in our system to exist.

28. Are most of your Members introjected, brainmade or something else?

again, complicated! we rely on fictional identities to have a sense of self. we're like a bunch of fictional characters stitched together. but aren't singlets like that with the people they've met throughout their lives too?

29. Do you use names, emojis or something similar to sign off messages (and if yes, which ones and why?)

emojis! if you look back in our system tag (🌌) you'll be able to find our explanation.

30. Do any of your System members use Xenogenders?

I think ben like? identifies more as a computer bug than any gender.

31. How do Members pick face claims?

usually it's kin stuff honestly. except for io. they're not kin from hsr (probably. we haven't actually started to play yet), they just kind of look like that. one day I knowwww it's gonna confuse someone.

32. Do you have any Introjects of popular sources?

I mean it depends what you consider popular? but like we have danganronpa, nintendo, genshin, etc characters if that means anything.

33. Do you have any Introjects of unpopular sources?

hellloooo to all of our idols and joseimuke characters. shuuen. and then ren is two different pitchloids that were only popular in like 2012.

34. Do you have nonhuman members?

yes but everyone is humanoid. so like. angels. ghosts. demons. etc.

35. Do any of you use Typing Quirks?

maki talks like a lolXDsorandom scene kid and uses kaomoji does that count

36. Do all of you front, or only a selected amount?

we all have fronted! not all of us are frequent fronters though. I'm probably like. top most frequent honestly. and then bottom is like. crow maybe. but that's because he's a bit more fragmented.

37. Are there any Members who can't or prefer to not speak?

waka (our little) struggles with speaking and talks mainly in the third person in kind of fragmented sentences, but that's kind of it?

38. Are most of you short or tall in height

don't talk down to us just because we're short kings lollllll

39. Is there a Member that is collectively loved by all in the System?

rey. 100000% rey. maki also because he's literally the best ever.

40. Do any of you struggle with being front-stuck a lot of the time?

sometimes? not enough for it to be a big issue though.

41. Do you have a Headspace (if not, is there a reason)?

no we have that thing where we have issues with visualization. if a number gets skipped, assume it was a headspace question that we can't answer

43. How do Members look like in Headspace? (example: Cartoony, Foggy, Realistic, ...)

sorry not sorry for being a bunch of anime characters?????

46. Do you remember what happened in Headspace when you switch into front?

yes and no? sometimes we'll have a general Feeling of something having happened or having talked about something. bleeding thoughts maybe? idk

51. Are there any "System Stereotypes" you fit into?

idk what any stereotypes are honestly but I feel like I always see people fakeclaim people for having introjects and specifically for having danganronpa and genshin introjects and it's like ooooooops dangankins and genshinkins in this head

52. Who of you would be considered the "evil alter"? (in a lighthearted, joking manner)

probably lucio honestly LOL or dromi because of the cannibalism support

53. What is your favourite inside-joke with a Member?

once ren said baller and he's not allowed to live it down

54. What is your favourite Plural meme?

nervous system when the confident system walks in (and it's like. hitsugi and shu enstars)

55. Is there any character that you headcanon as plural?

ame/k-angel is the first that comes to mind! also randal and satoru.

56. Is there any show or movie that you believe is a good plural representation, despite that not being its intention?

honestly jojo part 5 was kind of awesome. thanks for the plural rep!!! still think it's crazy how people on twitter baby doppio though like that's a grown ass man with a child. once again randal and satoru also read as plural to me and I love their writing a lot!

57. Is there any song that you believe decribes your plural experience?

ghost (vocaP) in general has a lot of songs that really speak to our mental illness. big fan of uncanny which is literally written about being plural.

58. What about an artwork that describes your plural experience?

honestly not sure! but I think it's always really nice seeing fanart of your source that really does feel like it represents you. like ill never forget how happy io was to see a single piece of fanart of iori with super long hair. because that's them!

59. Which Member of your System do you believe to be the prettiest of them all?

this is hard because I feel like if we said anyone but joshua he'd kill us but alsoooo if we said anyone but yoh they'd also kill us.

60. Do you collectively have a lucky number?

we like 3!

61. When did you first discover your System?

late 2019 was our full system awakening but we did realize and then immediately forget back in like. 2016? maybe?

62. How many Members did you know about during your Syscovery?

3? I think? nara maki and dell. though at the time im prettyyyy sure dell was dormant so it was just nara and maki for months.

63. Was accepting your Plurality a challenge for you?

very much! we were sure we were faking it and lying and stealing terms that weren't for us.

64. How did you learn about Plurality?

we had plural friends growing up!

65. Where there any signs of your Plurality, if you look back at your past?

us and our imaginary friends (all of which were alters) against the world

66. Do you think your Syscovery changed a lot in your life?

100%! I feel like for as bad as things get sometimes, we're functioning a lot better in certain aspects of our life. plus, it's nice to know we're not alone! sometimes we do wish we never found out, mainly socially, but having people who accept us is really nice.

67. If you're out to others plural, have they ever told you later on that they already thought about it before you realised?

yes lol

68. What was the biggest struggle during your Syscovery?

one of the main reasons we dislike sys/course is because it held us back from realizing we were a system. fakeclaimers were scary as fuck and we were convinced we were subconsciously faking. I know nara and maki struggled a lot with questioning if the other was real or just a delusion because we did struggle with those often before our current meds.

69. Was there any big event that led to your Syscovery?

not really? mainly nara kept looking at his imaginary friend in adulthood maki and was like. ok something is up here. and then we realized.

70. What is something you want questioning plurals to know?

it's ok to be wrong! you're not a bad person for questioning your plurality and ending up not being plural/having a different disorder. you weren't tricking anyone. so long as you respect the community, and don't go on to start fakeclaiming others, you're fine!

71. Are you Neurodivergent (and if yes, how?)

we are autistic! we might have adhd also but we don't want to say anything definitively

72. Do you have any physical disability?

we don't that we know of!

73. Do you have a dissociative disorder?

yes, DID.

74. Do you have any other disorder?

not going to reveal everything in one place but bpd and ocd are probably the disorders we struggle with the most.

75. Do symptom vary in intensity depending on the fronter?

yes! mainly bpd. some people it's all consuming, other people don't really get impacted as much.

76. Do you think your disability / disorder has an influence on your plurality?

probably! we've split a lot because of our symptoms.

77. Do you have amnesia of any kind?

mostly emotional amnesia. sometimes blackout amnesia, but usually just during very stressful periods.

78. Are there Members who deal better with symptoms than others?

mentioned earlier but yeah, especially with bpd.

79. Do your disorders / disabilities influence communication or switching within your System in any way?

when we're deep in an episode, any kind of episode, it's pretty much impossible for us to communicate. lots of walls.

80. Does being plural help with your disorders in any way? (example: another Member switching in to take care of the body during difficult times, ...)

it's helpful to be able to get different points of view from different members. writing down opinions on our problems is really helpful.

81. Which is your favourite plural flag?

i've only seen the white yellow black one tbh

82. If you have one, which is your favourite plurality related tumblr blog?

can I say fkf. we've been a regular for years and fictives are more than welcome.

83. What is a fun fact about your System?

ohhhh this is hard. king has umanoprincesama (the japanese title of the my horse prince app) as his twitter handle. he hardly uses it anymore though.

84. What is a flavour of ice cream that describes you collectively?

maki says birthday cake. he won't explain why lol

85. Which pride flag is the prettiest, in your collective opinion?

i know we like the wlw and mlm flags! we like the flowers.

86. If you collectively had to choose between being a sweet or a sour candy, which do you pick?

probably sweet? we love sugar.

87. Your body always morphs into what the current fronter(s) look like, would you want this power or not?

absolutely oh my god. though we are working on making a collective singlet sona

88. Is there a Hatsune Miku in your System?

...kind of? she uses miku as a faceclaim.

89. Who has been in your System the longest (if you can remember)?

we aren't sure! our candidates are like. maki dromi and waka.

90. If you collectively had to choose, would you rather only eat sweet foods or only eat savoury foods for the rest of your life?

ohhhh this is hard. I think savory but I know we'd be missing dessert hard. but we can't live without gyudon.

91. If you collectively had to choose, would you pick to become a vampire or a werewolf?

we're split on this. I think we lean more vampire though.

92. Your body is transfered into one of your Members sources, which do you pick and why?

pokemon obviously lol

93. If all of you turned into animals right this second, which animals would we find in your System?

too many of us for me to assign fursonas to everyone but like. birds. cats. bunnies. that kinda vibe?

94. What would a Minecraft server with all d your Members look like? (example: chaotic, peaceful, laggy, ...)

we haven't played minecraft much actually so I couldn't tell you! when I played I personally just liked building. but I know that a lot of people in our system would absolutely sabotage shit lol

96. What topic would you collectively make a youtube channel about? (it can't be plurality!)

hmmmm we aren't as into them anymore because of the fandom but mobile gacha games probably! i personally love idol games forever thanks

97. Which superpower would your body obtain, if you had to collectively decide on one?

shapeshifting!!!!!!

98. Who would pick the coolest tattoo for the System and who would pick the worst?

king would pick the worst everyone else feels passable except maybe nicola but king would get something dumb as fuck tattooed just because it's funny

99. If you only were allowed to eat one food for the rest of your life, but you would have to decide on the food collectively, what would it be and what would the decision making look like?

gyudon. like. I don't think that's even a question. we collectively fucking love gyudon.

100. What is the most fun about doing polls and answering questions, in your opinion?

we like getting to communicate more and express ourselves as plural! it's nice. we get scared to express ourselves on a lot of other websites so it's cool to be ourselves here and talk about ourselves openly

#milk.txt #🌌.txt #🫰.txt

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rose-tinted-juls · 8 months ago

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finally i'm finished with my bachelor's thesis and have time to read again! what a feeling!! let's celebrate that with one of my all time favourite stories and a lil list of my fave things about this chapter.

1. i don't even know why but i giggled so hard at the "i don't think anyone would believe i'm at a primary school's art fair in the middle-of-nowhere America" bc i just imagined him irl appearing someplace this random and how it would be. just to imagine him surrounded with kids though at an art fair is making me melt actually

2. the way charles blushes when she calls him charlie!!! he's just so asfwurjfkadsd

3. the two little boys nash and wyatt and the way their faces light up when they find chris and the way they speak with this child-like broken english is just so adorable and also so good and real.

4. "she picks him up from the airport late friday night, just in time to bicker in the middle of a liquor store about wine" had me cackling. they are such a couple. otp for real. + honestly the way charles is just horrified at the idea that chris wants to buy wine in a box is so funny especially when i can clearly imagine him in this situation

5. when charles greets bill and cindy without chris being around 😭 "he knows how to charm" yes he does i'm sure 😭 "knows he's going to be working at it for a while, probably. he's more than willing to put in the hours" STOPPP. where do i find a charles for myself? 😭

6. "i don't want to have her come if she doesn't feel comfortable" this!!! thank you for being a perfect man charles leclerc.

7. "he's been called a lot of things over the years, but good egg might be a new one" this deserved it's own point in this list bc i can just see the slightly confused look in his eyes hearing someone call him a good egg. so precious.

8. the way chris' accent gets stronger when around her family, and how charles finds it cute and sweet. i don't even know why such a simple thing made my heart happy but it did so i'm adding it to this list.

9. "she slots into her comfortable position at charles' side, and his arm is tossing itself over her shoulder before he even realises it's happening. it's habit, almost, to keep her close." catch me bawling my eyes out over here 😭 + this conversation: "y'all are talking about me?" - "always." bc it's just ahhhh. i love them. if it's not obvious already.

10. "they're cute and annoyingly couple-ey all night" i'm just soft. such a simple sentence and i'm over here melting. + the way chris makes everyone feel the most important in the room when she's talking with them + the way charles starts to remember the names even when there's a lot. as someone coming from a large ass family and family friend circle, i know how hard it is to remember and also appreciate him for even trying in the first place. (+ charles feeling and probably looking awestruck at chris 😭)

11. charles and his inner conflict of do i love her or do i not love her is just *chefs kiss*. the way he feel's like he loves her so much he's almost sick with it. the way he lists things that should make him not love her at all like the box of wine, her driving style, how she cries so easily, the glitter everywhere and country music. and yet. AND YET. "he doesn't love her, and then she laughs and he can feel it in his fucking gut, feels the urge to laugh when he doesn't get the joke [...] he wants to laugh because she's laughing and her laugh makes the world a better place and he loves her so bad it hurts." I'M LITERALLY SOBBING. also charles pls just confess. at least to yourself. you know you love her.

ahh anyway this chapter was just sooooo soft it made me melt many times and it was all i needed right now after months of non-stop stress. mackie, you and your writing style never fail to make my heart flutter and my eyes tear-filled. i love you so so much and unlike charles i'm not afraid to say it lol jk and thank you for yet another amazing chapter of this awesome story. <333

miss americana and the heartbreak prince

—08. It's So Sweet —word count: 5.2k —warnings: none :) love, mackie... um... yeah. yeahhhh. sorry sorry sorry if you still read this fic. surprise I guess! its NOT as dead as you thought it was. See you guys again in four months. hopefully sooner if there is a God.

Charles, teeth dug into his tongue so hard he can taste copper, manages to keep from slipping up for the remainder of his time in Georgia. He swallows it down, chokes on an I love you everytime she looks at him for days that feel like an eternity.

The flight out to France that marks the end of his stay had spent weeks serving as a dreadful backmarker, but now it was one of solace, saving him from himself. He knows better than to spit out “I love you” two months in. He knows better, but he also knows. Simple as that. He just knows.

He’s good at keeping it down during phone calls and voice memos and FaceTimes because there’s no fucking way he’s stupid enough to say it over the phone. Whenever he does finally deem the time to be right, it’ll be inches from her face, with all the time in the world ahead of them. Her smile will be there, just waiting to be kissed.

It definitely will not be while she’s grading papers or reviewing a movie or putting purple refills in her pen, even though he finds himself thinking just how plain and simple he loves her when she’s doing those things.

– – –

Charles spends the holidays with his family in France, coming pretty much directly from his time with Chris and her family in Georgia.

They quiz him like there’s no tomorrow about all of it; on Chris, and her family and her city and her life. He thinks he does a half-decent job at keeping his cards close to his chest; hiding his tells and acting completely normal and regular and plain about it all.

Well. He can be coy and secretive to everyone but his mom. Mother’s always know when their sons are in love, and Pascale has always been particularly apt at seeing straight through her boys and the bullshit they try to feed her.

He’s helping with dinner dishes—working hard to get those extra points towards being the favorite son this weekend—when she confronts him about it. He knows he’s in trouble. He’s never been able to lie to her in a way that was even sort-of convincing.

“So, Chris…” she hums, drying three two forks at once with a damp towel. “Is this going to be something?” She asks. Charles shrugs, squeezing more blue dish soap onto the plate in his other hand. “That’s too much,” she remarks.

He ignores the comment, moves the scrubbing sponge over the plate in small circles. “It’s new, still.”

“But you like her?”

He chuckles. Of course he likes her. He wouldn’t be dating her, traveling to see her, introducing her to his family if he didn’t at least like her. That’d just be cruel. “I like her a lot,” he says. I like her the most, he bites his tongue. He rinses the soap from the plate.

Pascale nods, soft smile on her lips when she takes the plate from his hand, drying it carefully. “Just like, is that right, Charles?”

He knows what she means, what she’s implying. They both know she’s right, too, but he can’t stand to admit it. He feels like if he does, if he actually speaks the words out loud, there’s no way he’s going to be able to keep it in anymore. It’ll be breaking the seal, and he can’t. Not yet. He doesn’t have it in him yet. “Maman,” he says, and his tone is laced with her answer, soft and sweet and pleading in a desperate way.

She smiles, sets the plate down onto the counter gently. It still clatters against the marble. “I know,” she hums, hand finding his shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.

Charles spends New Year’s Eve in London. He’s with his brothers and his friends and like, all of their girlfriends. He’s been pathetically texting her the entire trip going on about i’ll buy your ticket if you want to come and it would be so much more fun with you here.

What Charles doesn’t know is that Chris is on her way, and that she’d been planning the surprise with Joris for three weeks. After a red eye flight from Atlanta that lands a little before two in the afternoon in London, Joris manages to sneak off from the group to meet her at the hotel and give her a key to his room. She hides out there for most of the afternoon while Joris tries to convince the group to head back to the hotel for a few hours without spoiling the surprise of why they should go back to the hotel in the middle of the day.

When he finally gets them back to the hotel, he waits fifteen minutes to text her the all clear, to let her know that she can come and execute the surprise.

It takes her an almost comical amount of time to find his room, considering it’s in the same hallway as everyone else’ rooms, and only ends up being three or four doors down from where she’d started. When she finally finds it, she’s hit with a sudden wave of anxiety.

What if he doesn’t want me here? She worries. Her hands get clammy and she stands there in front of the door like a complete idiot just waiting for her body to do something, to do anything. Finally, she brings her fist to the door and knocks.

Voices are muffled and heavy feet shuffle on the other side of the door before finally, after what feels like an eternity of loud bickering from the boys about who’s going to open the door, Chris is face to face with Charles, stupid, toothy grin on her face. “Oh,” he says.

Behind him, the guys jeer in French, but neither of them are paying any attention. Chris can't stop laughing, standing there, staring at Charles in the doorway. He stares right back, his eyes a window into the gears that turn behind them, processing… processing… processing so incredibly slowly. “Are you gonna hug me, or just stare at me?” She finally asks, and he laughs, snapping into reality, pulling her into a tight hug.

“What are you doing here?” He questions, pressing a hard kiss into her hair, and then he laughs even harder. “How did you get here?”

– – –

Chris isn’t there for more than a couple days—she has to be back at work as winter break winds to a close, and Charles has training camp in Italy at the end of the week. It’s a quick visit, but they make the most of it, and they do get their new year’s eve kiss.

It’s been, like, a month and a half since Chris was last in Monaco, but it’s been just two and a half weeks since someone posted a TikTok of Charles and her walking around Monte Carlo together. That means, it’s been two weeks of Chris stumbling upon, and falling down rabbit holes of, Charles’ fan accounts desperately trying to put a face to the back of the head of the girl in the video.

She’s less interested in are they going to figure out who I am and more interested in are they at least, like, close? The answer is no. No, they are not even kind-of close to connecting Chris with him. It’s all models and friends and people he follows on Instagram and even one ex-girlfriend, but definitely no American kindergarten teachers.

The fire is only fed, though, when on New Year’s Eve, drunk on Moscow Mules and equipped with the world’s most fashionable LED glasses, Charles is posted showing off the look. Under his arm, equally as drunk off espresso martinis, is Chris, engaged in conversation with Joris beside her.

It’s been two-thousand twenty-three for fifteen minutes, and Instagram explore pages across the world are already filled with pictures of the side of her head and Charles’ goofy heart-eyed glasses.

Chris is too drunk to know, much less care, but when she does find out about it, she won’t be bothered. She thinks that maybe she never will be a big deal—certainly not as big of one as he seems to think it is. Nothing is going to happen, she tells him so many times it doesn’t even sound like a sentence anymore. Who cares if everyone figures out who I am?

January isn’t much but settling into a routine. They’re both busy with a million and one different things—just a little peek into any sort of future they hope to have together—and it’s the end of the month before they see each other in person again.

Every post he makes on social media—every video, photo, story, mention, and repost is run through a microscope, carefully dissected searching for a repeat like and commenter, for an unfamiliar woman’s voice or a hand or a coat or a head of hair. Names fly around in a tornado of guesses, and none of them are correct.

It’s an easy routine to fall into; scheduled phone calls, FaceTime dates twice a week, and sneakily sent texts in the middle of the workday. Sometimes it feels like they aren’t all that far apart, like he could walk out the front door and get into his car and drive for fifteen minutes and be at her house, eat dinner at the same table, fall asleep at the same time, in the same bed. Other times, they can feel every step of the four-thousand, six-hundred, ninety-five miles that separate them, when it’s all pictures of dinner and goodmorning texts seen three hours later and delayed, laggy FaceTime calls.

It’s on one of those calls, where her face is frozen mid-conversation, that she’s gushing about how excited she is for some school event at the end of the month, the Art show, she’d called it, and when—after sorting out the camera issue for the time being—he’d asked for clarification on what exactly an Art show is, she’d explained the whole event with a big, excited smile on her face.

“Oh my gosh!” She’d laughed, pulling her legs underneath her. “Okay, so, it’s the coolest thing. Basically, the art department displays all of the art the students have made so far this year all throughout the year, and the kids get to show it off to all their family. They set up a book fair in the library, and they serve ice-cream in the cafeteria,” she explains, “All the teachers go, and they bring their families, too,” she nods. “It’s really cool. I like to see how proud the kids are of their work.”

He decides then, in that very moment, that he doesn’t want to hear about this in text messages and photos and Facetime calls. He wants to be there—feel her energy, her pride, her smile. It just pours out of his mouth, what if I came? And then, before she can even come up with a response, If that’s okay, obviously. If you even would like, want that, you know.

She bites down on a smile. “I thought you wanted to keep things quiet?” she chuckles, “be all protective of me and stuff?”

Charles shrugs. “I don’t think anyone would believe I’m at a primary school’s art-fair in the middle-of-nowhere America.”

“I mean, I don’t care,” she explains, tucking her bangs behind her ears. “But you do. I’d love it if you could be there.”

He smiles. “You’d love it?”

“I would!” She laughs, leaning forward, closer to the camera. “You’d better come for more than just a day though,” she continues, slumping back against the couch behind her, picking at the cuticles on her thumb, raising her brows when she quietly adds: “I can think of lots of other things I’d love to do with you.”

He shakes his head, dimples digging into his cheeks. “You’re a tease, Christyn,” he taunts, and her head shoots up from her cuticle.

“You have such a dirty mind, Charlie!” she laughs, and his cheeks burn at the nickname, at the accusation.

“Don’t call me that,” he mutters, and she only laughs harder, smiles bigger.

“Why?” She teases, crossing her arms over her chest, cocking her head to the side playfully. “Because it makes you blush?”

– – –

There’s really only one of Chris’ students that Charles knows by name: Quinn. Or, as Chris usually refers to her, my sweet, sweet, little Quinnie. Quinnie is not at the art show. Chris goes on to explain that she and her family are never at any of the school events—no open houses, no field trips, no choir recitals or art shows or parent teacher conferences. If it’s not a free event that takes place during school hours, neither Quinn or her siblings will be there, and their Mother will never be there because she’s always at work.

So, no Quinn to win over. He does, however, meet what may be the cutest kid he’s ever been face-to-face with in Landry, a little girl with two long brown braids and a strawberry patterned dress on. Landry is the first of her students to find their teacher, and completely ignores him to tug Chris’ arm towards the little girl’s artwork hung in the hallway.

“I’ll be right back,” she says hurriedly, over her shoulder, letting the little girl pull her away. Charles nods and flashes her a quick wink before she’s properly whisked away, leaving him with nothing better to do than shove his hands deep in his pockets and analyze the artwork of primary school students.

When she finds him again, no Landry in tow, she links her arm through his, leaning her head against his shoulder. “She told me I have a cute boyfriend,” she says.

“No, she did not,” He laughs, but his ears blush pink.

“She did,” she nods. “She said you were ‘oh my goodness he is soooooo cute,’” Chris repeats, in a sing-songy tone. “I said, ‘I know right! He’s the cutest.’”

“Whatever,” Charles mutters, running his other hand through his hair. “Where’s the ice-cream at, anyway?”

Two styrofoam bowls of vanilla ice-cream slices—one covered in rainbow sprinkles, the other with chocolate syrup and a maraschino cherry—later, and Chris and Charles are sitting at Chris’ desk in her classroom, him in the green spinning chair, her on the desk itself.

Two boys, who Chris refers to after they leave the room as Nash and Wyatt, are bouncing off the walls with excitement when they turn the corner into Chris’ classroom, their faces lighting up when they find her there. “Miss Elliott!” One of them shouts, half-out of breath. “The book fair has posters of your brother!” He explains.

“Yeah!” The other chimes in. “I see-ed it when my sister was getting a poster of,” he takes a big breath, “of, uh, a princess poster or something.”

“Yeah, and I get-ted this one!” The first kid adds, unrolling the paper in this hand to reveal a black and white Fortnite poster, demonstrating the dances from the game. “Cool right?” He asks, and Chris nods.

“So cool!” She says, “where are you going to hang it?”

Charles leans back in the chair, spinning slightly side to side, eating his ice-cream and just observing the interaction.

“Um, probably in my bedroom.”

Chris nods again, “perfect place for it,” she agrees.

– – –

He’s in Georgia for three days; Friday to Sunday, and spends all of it with Chris, almost entirely at her house. The art show is on Friday night, but he finds himself playing sleepover host with Chris on Saturday when Reid appears with a backpack, a pillow, and a baby blanket Chris tells him not to refer to as a baby blanket.

Chase is racing in Los Angeles this weekend, and left town on Tuesday, leaving Hannah alone on Mom duty. That would be all fine, if the weekend didn’t fall on the one weekend a month she works. Bill, Cindy, Chris, and Hannah’s mom have been helping to pick up the slack left in Chase’ absence.

It all comes together to result in him sitting in the middle of the living room, on the floor, surrounded by every blanket and pillow in the entire house on a Saturday night—a four-year-old boy sitting across from him, hanging on his every word, and his girlfriend in the other room making popcorn.

He’s been tasked with coming up with, and executing the plan for a super, super, cool boy-fort that Auntie Chris can come into, I guess.

A fort that fits into that description is a lot easier in theory. In Practice, however, he’s faced with the nephew he desperately needs the approval of, and a pile of purple and pink and sparkly and fluffy blankets and pillows.

It takes all four of the dining table chairs, a curtain rod from the screened-in porch, a fitted sheet, and a box fan, but the fort is quickly commissioned, and gets Reid’s stamp of approval when he moves his pillow, favorite blanket, and definitely not a baby-blanket, baby-blanket into the build.

Chris is behind them momentarily, knocking on the seat of one of the dining chairs before Reid permits her to enter. She crawls in, laptop and big bowl of popcorn in either hand. Reid is sandwiched between the two of them, Cars blanket covering his little frame, eyes glued to the screen while buttery fingers bury themselves in the popcorn bowl.

Reid is asleep about five minutes after the popcorn bowl is empty, Chris running her fingers through his short brown hair while soft little snores leave his lips. Her head rests on his pillow, just above his head, and she watches the movie. Charles watches her, arm propped up at the elbow, holding his head up. She’s so soft. So sweet. It ties him up in knots.

He feels like a child when she catches him staring, her eyes glancing over to him and making unexpected contact. His cheeks burn and his eyes dart away, back to the screen, to the movie. She giggles softly, barely loud enough for him to hear over his sudden mortification. “Beautiful fort you’ve built here,” she says, and he looks back at her, meets her eyes properly this time.

“Thank you,” he chuckles. “I’m thinking maybe I will make it my new career after racing.” Charles nods. Chris nods. A smile dances its way across her lips, turning the corners up gently. It makes him smile, too. “Charles Leclerc: Professional fort builder.”

“Oh,” She chuckles. “I can hear it now. You’ll be a household name.”When Charles wakes up, credits are rolling on the laptop screen and Chris’ hand is moving softly over his shoulder. He’s the bridge of his nose and picking the sleep out of his eyes and trying to get his bearings. All he’s sorted out so far is that Chris is here, he’s fucking boiling, and there’s a sleeping kid between them. He squints his eyes—like the dim light from the black credit screen is too bright for him—until she comes into focus. She points to the exit of the fort. “Bed,” she mouths.

“Well,” Chris shrugs, bringing a forkful of salad to her mouth. “I think you’ve won Reid over.”

Charles laughs on her phone screen. He’s in Italy… or Monaco… or… she’s not really sure, to be honest. It’s hard to keep track sometimes, when he’s always somewhere new. He’s in bed, wherever he is, the lamp from her kitchen casting the only light in his dark room. “Is that right?”

“Oh yeah,” she nods. “I had the pleasure of reminding him you weren’t here this afternoon. He wasn’t happy with me.” She remembers it well, his declaration that Charles and Me are going to play games today, and remembers better the little, defeated oh, right after she had to remind him Charles had left the day before.

Charles chuckles, shaking his head and rolling his eyes playfully. “I told him goodbye!”

“I know!” She says, taking another bite, her hand covering her mouth while she talks around the lettuce. “He thought you meant goodbye for the day,” she explains, swallowing. “Not goodbye for a while.”

Charles frowns. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize!” Chris laughs, poking her fork around her bowl. “I love that he likes you so much, it’s adorable,” she hums. “He’s absolutely devastated you won’t be at his birthday party, though.”

Charles scoffs, his mouth dramatically falling open. “No way. You didn't tell me it was his birthday!”

“Because it’s not for like, two weeks!” She defense, laughing. “I wasn’t even thinking about it.”

“When is it?”

She cocks her head to the side, already knowing what he’s about to say, and unscrews the top of her water bottle. “His birthday’s the sixteenth, but the party is the eighteenth.”

“I’ll be there.”

“No you won’t. You have testing.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yeah,” she insists. “On Monday you have to be in Bahrain.”

“Monday is not Saturday.”

Chris doesn’t tell anyone outside of Chase and Hannah that Charles is flying in, and they definitely don’t tell Reid about it, just in case it falls through for any of the million reasons it could possibly fall through because of.

It was a last minute-trip, after all, and it seems like every second of Charles’ time is accounted for right now, so Chris is prepared at any moment to get a text or a call apologetically explaining that he got pulled into something else. That call never comes, and she picks him up from the airport late Friday night, just in time to bicker in the middle of a liquor store about wine.

“Absolutely not, baby.” He says, shaking his head, a truly horrified look on his face.

“You don’t even drink wine!” She insists, holding a three-liter box of Franzia. “This is perfectly fine.”

His eyes go wide, brows raising like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “It’s in a box.”

She rolls her eyes. “It’s for a fifth birthday party.”

“It’s not for the five-year-old,” he argues, picking two bottles of overpriced chardonnay from the shelf. “We’ll get these.”

– – –

Much to the dismay of the other, they show up to the party the next afternoon with one box and one bottle.

Reid is upstairs playing with some kid that Chris is related to somehow, she’s sure, so their arrival goes unnoticed by the birthday boy. Instead, Chris is heaving the box of wine onto the kitchen island, greeting a visibly stressed Hannah with a hug. Charles follows closely behind, setting his bottle down next to her box, following the hug train to Hannah.

“Look great, as always, Hannah,” He says, and Hannah laughs.

“I’m a mess, the house is a mess. Reid,” she looks to Chris, “Lord have mercy on me, your nephew has dressed himself.”

Chris scowls, and then shrugs. Charles laughs. “He can be Chandler’s nephew, today,” she says.

“He’s still your godson, though,” Hannah reminds.

“Oh, don’t I know it!”

Charles takes Chris’ coat with his own, hands them both up in the mud room that’s just off the kitchen. He hears Hannah calling for Reid while he does it, telling him to come down and say hello to your auntie. Auntie Chris. He loves the way Reid says it—Annie Chris—or, when he really wants to stir some shit up, which Charles has come to learn is just about all of the time, Reid will call her Miss Elliott.

Everyone hears him before they see him, little feet making heavy noises as they hurry down the stairs so quickly he might as well have just jumped off the landing and tuck’n’rolled his way into the kitchen. He’s bouncing on his feet, talking to Chris animatedly with his back turned to Charles when he appears in the mud-room doorway. Immediately, Chris is glancing up to him and covering Reid’s eyes with her hands, turning him to face Charles. “I have a surprise for you, Reidy.”

“What?” He squirms. “What is it?”

“More like who is it?” Hannah says, and Reid gasps.

“Chucky?” He asks, and Chris is grinning at Charles, adjusting her hands over the boy’s eyes so one hand covers them both. With the other hand, she pokes Reid’s side right where he’s ticklish and makes him giggle.

“Who?” She asks, his belly laugh making her laugh, too.

“Sharles!” Reid exclaims, breathless from laughing so hard. “Sha-rle,” He laughs out, enunciating the poorly mocked accent.

“Wrong,” Chris says, and then takes her hand off his eyes to reveal Charles.

Reid is slamming into Charles’ legs before he can even squat down to give the kid a proper hug, settling for just hugging his legs. “You comed!” He cheers.

“Come on, Mate!” Charles says, ruffling the little boy’s hair. “You didn’t think I would miss such an important birthday?”

Chris watches the whole interaction with a giddy smile on her face. Hannah watches, too, while she stirs a crock pot full of nacho cheese. Reid fills Charles in on everything that’s happened to him since Charles left, and is already asking if Charles wants to go play catch outside with the football he’s gotten from his dad earlier that week, on his actual birthday. When Hannah slides behind Chris, between her body and the cabinets, muttering a quick behind you and grabbing a ladle from a drawer, she gives Chris’ shoulder a soft squeeze.

– – –

Chris is MIA when Bill and Cindy turn up, arms full of food and gifts for their only grandchild, but Charles is in the backyard, standing around a smoking fire pit with Chase and Reid and other people he remembers meeting from the wedding, but who’s names he wouldn’t be able to remember if there was a gun held to his temple.

Bill and Cindy wander out shortly after they arrive, looking for the birthday boy, and Charles handles the introductions all by himself—a handshake to Dad, a compliment to Mom, and hugs for both of them. He knows how to charm. Knows he’s going to be working at it for a while, probably. He’s more than willing to put in the hours.

“I didn’t know you were comin’, son,” Bill says, and Charles is nodding, hands in his jacket pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels.

“Yeah, it was a kind of… last minute choice.”

“Aw,” Cindy hums. “What a sweetheart. How long are you in town for?”

“Just a couple days,” he explains. “Chris is off work this week, but I have to get to Bahrain in a couple days. Get used to the timezone and everything.”

“Ah,” Bill nods. “Season’s starting up again, that right?”

“Eh,” he shrugs. “It never stops, it feels like,” and Bill nods.

“Don’t I know it, boy.”

“Is Chrissy planning on coming out to any of your races?” Cindy asks, linking her arm through Bill’s, leaning against him around the fire. “I know she told us that y’all are keeping it pretty hush-hush for now.”

“Eventually, I hope she can,” he says. “I don’t want to have her come if she doesn’t feel comfortable.”

Cindy nods, smiling to herself. “Smart answer, honey,” she says, and Bill laughs. “You’re a good egg.” Charles chuckles softly, if only because he doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s been called a lot of things over the years, but good egg might be a new one.

Just then, Chris is pushing open the sliding door on the back deck, stepping out with her coat on, the hood pulled up over her head, her hands hidden in the sleeves. “Well, speak of the Devil,” Bill says, greeting his daughter with a tight hug.

“Uh oh,” Chris laughs, following suit with a hug for her mom, too. “Y’all are talking about me?”

He’s come to learn that her accent is never anywhere as strong as it is when she's around family. He’s familiar with the pattern of it, and does the same thing after long breaks away from speaking English or Italian. It takes a while to settle back into translating your thoughts. He thinks it’s probably pretty similar, even if she’s not translating from another language. He thinks it’s cute, when the southern twang gets extra prominent. It’s cute, and it’s sweet, and she sounds like a movie character sometimes.

She slots into her comfortable position at Charles’ side, and his arm is tossing itself over her shoulder before he even realizes it’s happening. It’s habit, almost, to keep her close. “Always,” he says.

– – –

They’re cute and annoyingly couple-ey all night. He doesn’t care if she’s related to or friends with almost everyone here, he’s never not amazed at just how easily she can find home in any conversation. Sometimes he wonders if he looks as awestruck about it as he feels, watching her put on this masterclass with everyone she talks to—from passing, brief conversations about how good Hannah’s food is and how old Reid is getting, to the long, sit-down chats about work and her life and their lives. It’s so crystal clear that she makes everyone feel important—the most important person in the room—and he;s even starting to remember names.

There’s a lot of names to remember.

There’s nobody that feels quite as important to Chris as Charles does, though, he’s sure of it. In fact, he’s not sure there’s another person on Earth that could manage to make a social event into something so… recharging for him. She just radiates energy, truly. It’s in the atmosphere, just being in her proximity, just having an arm around her or their fingers intertwined or the smell of her perfume on his clothes is enough.

He loves her so horribly that he’s almost sick with it. He’s biting his tongue all night. Hell, he’s even trying to talk himself out of the now months old revelation.

Like, she drinks wine from a fucking box. A box. Of wine. And she sees absolutely no problem with it. She wants to drag him around to every person, to engage in every conversation. She changed her perfume or her shampoo or her laundry detergent or something, because she smells different than the last time he was with her. She drives like an elderly woman—Jesus fucking Christ, she takes the speed limit so seriously it’s hard to sit in the passenger seat and let it happen. She cried three times on the way from Atlanta. Three times, because she saw some roadkill that wasn't even identifiable, and couldn’t stop thinking about it. She’s covered in glitter, like, all the time. And so is her stuff. It’s on her face and her hands and her clothes and every surface of her house. Glitter and spelling tests and like, six variations of the same travel coffee mug. She listens to country music as if it’s the only genre of music that exists, and she listens to it all the time. He doesn’t love her. He doesn’t. If he did, he wouldn't have been able to keep it in for so long.

He doesn’t love her, and then she laughs and he can feel it in his fucking gut, feels the urge to laugh even when he doesn’t get the joke, even when he misses entirely what is making her so happy. He wants to laugh because she’s laughing and her laugh makes the world a better place and he loves her so bad it hurts.

last chapter masterlist next chapter

#juliana's fic rec #cl16 fic #my fave fanfic #my fanfic commentary #f1 fic #fic: ma&thp #queen mack <3

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dad-galaxy · 7 months ago

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Talking to the void

The other day I crossed with a post of a old friend? Saying something about the fact that, after you get hurt by a friend they ruin your experience with new people, that it makes you afraid of making new friends, entering new circles, interacting with people, with fandoms with groups and etc etc.

And of course that was so fucking closet of home, I commented their post, yeah she was right. I just remembered how my ex ( who I've forgave after she approached me because irl things hit her in the face and her problem happened to me I was empathetic with the situation, and she wanted to "close" this knot? This cycle in her life, she just wanted to definitely get things clean with me, but that's another story) wanted to be friends again, I told her, we don't have the same things in common anymore because I forced myself out of her circles ( and she did say things about me in her fandoms circles, whatever)

BUT I could agree we could talk from time to time, right ? Right

And I'm a person of few words, plus, most of my friends are more busy than me sometimes, and when I'm super busy my friends are free, life irony's in my face. And why I say this? Because my new recent friends literally are like, "Look I broke the ice, I like your vibes, let's be friends!" And started talking to me like we been knowing each other from and while and I'M so fucking super glad about that because I couldn't do that, I'm super awkward, and I'm so glad about the fact that I DISAPPEAR FROM EVERYWHERE ( I got overwhelmed, I got super busy, right now I'm preparing for my thesis) I became a ghost sometimes in a entire month and came back with a stupid TikTok vid and friends are like "hey happy to see you again my friend!!" Like I just disappeared from yesterday and not a fucking entire month and they're still here and sometimes I feel so bad because Im a really bad friend, idk if is the everlasting hurt and scars that my childhood and teenager years had over me, or its because I'm recently aware that I'm in the TEA spectrum or both!!

Sure is both haha.

And sincerely I'm grateful, most of the time my friends are just, my gf who I adore to the sun and back, my brother, and my friends out of the country, that basically one just left the country and the others I've never met irl but I do love them, and I've been criticized back in the day because I just interact with my Gf who was my best friend before.

I just, been hurt in the back with so much rejection, that I sincerely like to spend time talking nonsense with her because I know her times and she know mines and fucking god bless her and my friends for just have to put up with me, because I know I'm a very dense, awkward, weird and non English speaking person, so is double shout up to my non Spanish speaking friends because they have to deal with my broken English!!!

But haha void, you're now saying, yeah why you brought your exes to the talking? Because the other day I commented on one of her posts because she was saying some horrible degrading things about herself, and I've been on that path, told her something, not dick licker, Nah, just pointed out she's really good at something she was sayings. And just ignored me.

And I've tried to talk to her, but just the conversation ends.

And I was...well that was expected, but why I'm talking about it? Idk I just needed to talk about it.

She got what she wanted in the end, to clear her personal bills with me and that forgiveness. Sadly, that was a long relationship and sometimes fb makes me remember her and I'm like...why.

Anyway I hope she's doing good, I'll plan on deleting her again from my social networks. That makes me remember about someone I don't TALK I don't interact, and I deleted her because... I post very personal things on my Facebook page and she just messaged me accusing me of why I deleted her and etc etc etc and basically gaslit me into accepting her again and... I'm like

Why past me let accept that?

It's going to happen the same with my ex?

The train of my thoughts derailed

But I'm talking to the void so, that's fine.

Anyway if a friend reads this, love you, that's for being my friend.

#talking to the void

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terzomega · 1 year ago

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aight i guess i'm either blocked or legally not allowed to reblog that post again but we stay silly. in case they see this. hello

girl not the condescending tone just cause you're older ? a very narrow view of something as fluid as language...... i've been studying languages and how they form and grow for almost a decade between high school and university. not this. also you're like around my mom's age. language doesn't change so much in the span of 20/30 years that it'd make us disagree over what words mean ?? and while asking mom if back in her day vaffanculo had homophobic undertones was an exhilarating experience. of course she said "no i never considered it like that nor did anyone i've ever known" + very funny implications that only mlm couples can do anal to begin with ?? jskdkwkf

and for the records. age aside. sono terrona. stuff from veneto might obviously sound off to me. so yeah of course i compared notes before reblogging cause i'd hate to give incorrect information based on my specific location. i talked to friends from emilia-romagna & roma & liguria before even reblogging. one of my best friends is from veneto. they (and their parents, at least those who got involved) all agreed or else i wouldn't have replied at all. i don't need to ADMIT what vaffanculo means???? it just ??? has nothing to do ?? w anything ??? mostly it just feels batshit to me to put this connotation in the forefront of the brains of people who don't know the language and are learning words and phrases from you. it feels batshit to have them think that this has any relevance irl.

the sei pieno di merda bit truly baffles me cause everyone i talked to is confused and the emilia-romagna friend was actively as annoyed as me. the reviews say that at MOST they'd hear it used regarding criminally threathening implications abt stuff and Not to mean shit as in lie the way it's used in english

and sure i guess you don't call yourself an absolute authority but people come to you and ask you stuff as such. so it's insane to me i couldn'f fathom not making sure that what i'm saying applies to the language at large and not to my area. i don't answer in my dialect when people ask me to translate something from english to italian ?? and since as i said language has been a central part of my life for almost half of it this drives me up the wall. this gets a reaction from me. not that i was going for your jugular anyway. but i guess tumblr posts can be read however someone wants and i guess they hit people differently. @foxybouquet

#and since we're doing wild assumptions apparently #(by that i mean. the sheer self-centered attitude of assuming you're the only one who can think of. translating things. ??? on god)#(i helped someone w translating 8 months ago before i even made this sideblog. i put that in my bio or wherever else after that. hello)#(really bold)#my wild assumption is that maybe at this point you'll stick to what you said even if it's wrong bc no one nor their moms will agree #my other wild assumption is that northern italians will think they're god among mortals and that's what's going on #i know this is so petty and stupid even for my standards but that post was really. god. for real?#that's what we're doing? don't pull a 2000s mean girl you're just jealous move #i'd dm but 1. dms are sacred and i won't slide in dms if i'm not wanted and 2. this is to me first and foremost informational to people who #wanna know how to use these words so. in a very academic way. i want this public #which is why i would have rather this be a reblog on that post so it's all together. but i'm starting to get real adhd abt it

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ardentfervour · 1 year ago

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This probably doesn't belong here but twitter have become a dumpster fire and I have followers still I rather leave behind but I can't tell who is who since they all changed their usernames. But anyway. I just had this thought and it's bothering me. I've been drawing all my life, started to really try when I was like 11 and people said I was "talented" when the truth was that I just kept practicing most hours of the day. Even went to an art highschool because people told me it's what I should do with my life, I was miserable the entire time, did not make anything meaningful and came out of it hating it even more. I have been writing just as long, I started both around the same time. Making oc's and lil stories. I never heard anything about it. I happily talked about my stories and people thought it was weird or not original enough. Someone who had a lot of power of me at the time pushed me down so I stopped entirely. I started writing again 2018, having finally started reading fanfiction for the first time in my life (it was seen as something shameful by people I pretended were close in my life), and started writing it as well. It was shitty at first, but I got better. My now spouse was patient and wonderful and helped me through my shitty english, shitty storytelling and what not and encouraged me, said what I did well and was actually someone to tell me my WRITING was good, it was something completely new for me. And at times when I was happy with something, I could actually be like, yeah I did that well, and it made me happy while writing it. I was just trying to draw something, just practice some kissing poses. It made me fucking mizerable. Idk if it's because I people kept pressuring me I should get good enough to live off my art and it lost it's appeal, or because I never have a feeling attached to it, or simply can't convey the feeling I want to. I just genuinely dislike it. Except for a rare few times a year. Since started to writing again I haven't exactly been hiding it, even to irl people. But it's the same shit. Talk about writing, no one cares, no one cares if it makes me happy. Mention ONCE or show some shitty art? Everyone is like woaaah you do this THING you should continue to do this THING! I once had a occupational therapist fucking harrassing me an entire appointment that I should be drawing again. Idk this is like half an essay long and I don't even know what I want to say with it. I am just pissed that writing, at least my writing is continously looked down on, or made lesser than my empty art. I pour my fucking SOUL into my writing. I research and I spend forever wording it exactly right, I plot things and make little artworks with words. And it's still never enough. It will never be enough and I'm just so damn mad. If I didn't have my spouse I would have stopped long ago. Because STILL people who are supposed to care, doesn't care or even sound embarassed. Fuck you all. I found my thing, my hobby that I can do forever and never grow tired of and ya'll just look down on me? I'll continue writing my damn fics, I'll continue practice screen writing and make little attempts of original stories. Maybe one day I'll really get to say fuck you to you all and make something out of it. But likely, none but my beloved will read them anyway. Because apparently my writing doesn't matter. But I don't care, even if I do care. Because me and my spouse will have our little cottage and a shared office and write together with animals cuddled close, and I'll be happy. But it's not fair.

#kingy posts #personal #writing #drawing #I just needed to vent this bullshit I suppose #screaming into the void clearly #as per usual

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rajghafa · 9 months ago

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I am so sorry for how much I have talked... anyways... here it is.

thanks for answering and for showing me, I had forgotten about that part and good god it was worse then I remembered lmao. I agree with everything you said and I feel like most of the books are like this to be honest, colleen writes something that it could be just imaturity or maybe irrational ramblings, but then finish at it. as if that is just it. as if she thinks of it this way, that's the only explanation I can think of. Kelsey could have a ableist thinking/perspective and that not be what the authot thinks/agrees with and colleen was just portraying someone who thinks like that? yes absolutely, but that is no coherent at all with what CH presented to us in the prior books so I do not think it is a case where the character says something shitty to reflect people irl, is just shitty writing and thinking.

and as for my opinions, I have many, A LOT. I first read the 2 first books when I was 11, then reread when I was 12 to continue reading and finishing the series. but I don't remember much of all of them except for tiger's dream and I never read tiger's promise because for me it always felt as CH writing something just for the sake of it and not because it was necessary? anyways. I will say what I think based on what I remember, so I might get some things wrong.

first of all, I never reread the series after finishing reading it. I read the book 1, 2 and 3 when I was 11-12 then read the 4 and 5 (tiger's dream) when I was 15. pretty young and I had not yet all the opinions I have now. not that I am 30 something now and have read thousands of books, I just wanna say I was a child when I read it and tho I knew and thought the books were bad I just wanted to have fun and read something that didn't make me think much of it sometimes. so yeah, why I liked it and went as far as reading the 5 books? because I was a child I guess, if it was bad then whatever at least there's some characters I like in here, like a guilty pleasure I think. it's one of those medias that you consume that you KNOW are bad

now, moving on to talk abt the books itselves.

- bad writing: I read the books in my native language (portuguese) and I feel like this might have made the book a little bit better, from what I could see of the englishs quotes you and others posted here on tumblr they managed to make colleen writing look better then it is. it wasn't so simple in portuguese, I mean, I look at this quotes and it feels plain, not compelling, not interesting, just words in a page. but that's not what I remember from when I first read it. I mean, it was not the best thing either, but they at least felt like a story?

anyways, I always thought CH had this horrible habit of making everything too obvious in some chapters and then too complicated on next. and I am not exactly talking about the events happening, but the way she delivered informations too us. she wanted to create a suspense sometimes and I was like girl what are you doing like what is this. it was just NOT it. she wasn't good a creating these vibes she wanted most of the time, because the rest of the book was just us receiving information too easily and obviously for her to make it coherent.

the dialogues were also something I sometimes found bad, too unrealistic, I had to repeat to myself "maybe they're just talking like that because they are ancient or whatever" but then kishan sometimes sounded waaay more normal than his brother and kelsey also said some weird shit sometimes.

like her saying she was a radish. like please. who is the seventeen (I think she was 17 on the first book?) years old who would compare herself with a veggetable to say she found herself ugly and unworthy. really? there were none other analogies to be made? idk it never sounded realistic to me. but kelsey was always "not like other girls" so I guess that was a consequence of that. I know 17 years old are not THE reference to communication but just the fact kelsey sounded so childish sometimes made me so mad, like she is not dumb!!! she is just young, they are not synonyms. she is immature sometimes? that's okay, she is a teenager and everyone has their moments, but her being immature in everything was too much, that made the writing get boring and repetitive and TOO on the nose.

- kelsey: since I started talking about her, let's continue...

kelsey hayes. white. seveenten. orphan. adopted. not like other girls. loves reading. is very ladylike when is convenient to the author.

that is just trashy y/n fanfic from watppad where the protagonist is a cliché.

I have always disliked kelsey, sometimes even hated. also kelsey sounded a bit more interesting when she was talking about something else that had not the minimum relation to her so I that's also something to think about.

but talking abt her personality now - there is none. that was my problem with kelsey, she was the main character and I knew NOTHING about her except she was an orphan and liked/loved ren, liked mr.kadam and considerated him a father and felt whatever she felt for kishan and also liked reading. that was it. nothing more. she was shallow. we only start to see GLIMPSES of a personality and an actual different kelsey (who somehow manages to have the same responses and "personality" throuought all the series even after facing traumatic events) in the 4 and what was to be the last book. that made me mad as hell, like wdym I will only see the mc being "interesting" on the last book??

kelsey was also a dumb girl who made impulse choiced and wanted everyone to be solicit and emphatic with her after. I really don't like her most of the time, there were sometimes where I actually liked her but those were moments when she was in battle or doing something useful because then she'd stop talking shit so that's not much.

also, everyone was in love with her. everyone. EVERYONE. like why. why why why why why. it was casually thrown in every book, everyone loved or fell in love with this blank piece of paper of a girl. and she still talked about herself as a radish, "oh noooo I am soooooo unlikable omggggg no one likes meeeee except the two indians princes fighting for me and also the other five guys hitting on me like ohhh nooooooooooooooooo!"

- dhiren: hate him guts. like even more than kelsey. I really dislike him. hate might be too much, but I really had troubles reading everything kelsey talked about him, so indifference might be the proper word here. I felt indifferent too him. he was a copy and paste dark tall handsome blah blah blah whatever. but my main too problems about him are: it was obviously fetishization and he was too perfect. ren was the sun and the stars. ren was the earth and the sky. ren was a gentleman, but also masculine and dominant and assertive. ren liked shakespeare and was a prince !!! royalty !! yay like fuck off am I supposed to believe he is perfect? he doesn't have any trauma? he is stuck IN A TIGER FORM and he is patient, calm, sweet, gentle, *add here all the words that mean good guy in the dictionaty* ALL THE TIME? 24/7? he never cries, never gets sad, never gets angry, never nothing??? he just is dirhen the perfect barbie made out of plastic prince all the time??

I always felt like santana lopez feels about broody weston. that guy isn't real he is for sure made out of plastic and wax and it freaks me out.

tho I liked when he called kelsey dumb so points for him, someone just had to do it.

and idk how this is even possible, but it feels like ren has even less personality than kelsey. THAN KELSEY HAYES. A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD WHO IS NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS!! like tell me what do we know about ren besides what kelsey deems attractive? NOTHING! we know NOTHING. because he has NO OTHER "FUNCTION"/ROLE besides being kelseys romantic interest. "oh he likes shakeaspeare and cookies" KELSEY SAYS THAT! KELSEY who ALSO likes shakeaspeare and cookies, she NOTICES that because she in love with him and will highlight everything they have in common. besides that, ren is just a prince who happens to be cursed and has a estranged relationship with his brother - a brother that for most of the series he showed no love for except for brief moments. (I have a lot to say abt their relationship too and how I think that had potential to be one of the best, if not the best, things in the entire series if it were written good)

- mr kadam: I do agree with your tags, I think he is easily replaced by a computer. but this - like many other things in this series - feels to me like one of the cases where a author who writes badly creates a good character and doesn't give them space to breath. so he is not someone important in a explicit way, he is always acting implicitly, from behind the curtains, and CH expectes us to love him even tho we don't a shit abt what is that he is ACTUALLY doing.

the thing is - I guess I liked him because he was a father figure that stayed by the boys side even after he lost everything, and he cherished them and took care of them not only because of a promise to their fathers, but because he grew to love and consider the boys as family. I like that. I think the idea is great, compelling, but it was developed shitty and mr.kadam feels like just a tool they needed because of 1 he can solve everything we can't 2 he has the money, when the potential was there... I think I made a mistake saying he was one of the most developed characters**, what I really wanted to say was, the idea of him - the character he could've been, bounded by faith and an oath, losing everything and everyone he loves, but keeping himself strong for the boys - that was good. he could've been and ACTUAL and ACTIVE father figure who also had a compelling backstory and was not just Around.

this might be the same way I feel abt kishan... that is, I filled in the blanks and ignore the canon and turn him into a blorbo/oc-like and he is FIne! and Interesting!

** mild spoilers alert --> (Idk if I can give u spoilers SO !!! MILD SPOILERS ALERT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but he has more mentions and actual/active actions in the 4 and 5 (tigers dream) book)

- kishan:

so. kishan. I like him a lot - have in mind that when I refer to him, kadam or anamika, I tend to (not just tend too, I completely do) ignore canon and books and "fix him". he is my blorbo. basically an oc at this point. I think the little me that felt hurt and like a pariah in her own family heavily related with him when he was introduced and now I just kinda of don't want to let go, because I do like his character and the potential he had, and also related to him in some way.

anyways, much like kadam, I feel like he had potential, but he wasn't developed well and I feel like that also had something to do with mental health stigma, fetishization, toxic masculinity and also plot convenience.

⤷ mental health stigma and plot convenience:

it felt as if kishan was the troubled and disturbed brother. the brother who could not control himself and his impulses and was too much, too sarcartisc, too rude, too savage and wild, too intense. kishan is the opposite of ren, and yet, always deemed as weaker. it not ouright or explicit stated from what I remember, but that is the feeling/conclusion you take from the text. phisically and mentally, ren is portrayed to be stronger than him, more trustable than him.

it felt to me as if kishan was supposed to be the brother who got most of the trauma from everything they lived and didn't know how to deal with things in a healthy way. he was the one with the ptsd and who got the consequences.

first of all, that is not a bad thing, I do think it is way more realistic than dhiren by the way, kishan is way more compelling than him. he has actual feelings and "a bad side" - but is that developed well? no, absolutely not. and I have many many problems with this.

kishan had the potential to be a character who overcomes his traumas and learn from the past and tries to heal, a simple and yet compelling narrative. he went through a lot, he always felt like brothers shadow (the potential for this was THROWN IN THE TRASH when CH used it for romance instead of developing a fraternal very nuanced bond between the brothers), he lost his family and friends (something that also made me mad/frustrated was how CH never depicted the rajaram brothers having friends in their past life as princes, the reader is just supposed to fill in all the blanks of their personality/backstory holes) and had no one he really trusted. the material and the potential was there, you'd think it would not be hard to use it and actually do something good. but well, turns out that for CH it was very hard. kishan is twisted and shaped to be this disturbed and wild little guy who resents his brother that once he overcomes his trauma, turns out to be another version of dhiren. AND YET, he is still portrayed as lesser than dhiren for not acting or having the same "personality" and temperament his brother has.

kishan being healed on the second book was something that I took years to realise I had hated it completely because it took the decision and the path of healing out of his heands and made it seem like something simple and it took away a major part of his storyline. I am not saying his whole personality was resenting his brother and being traumatised, but I am saying that that was something important for his development. and that would've made it him a character that more people could connect and relate with, and actually make at least ONE character on this series to feel real.

as for the plot convenience, 1. how would CH describe and write kishan healing journey if the books is told from kelseys pov? I think she was lazy af and didn't want to search and find ways to depict that and just focus on the easy "spicy" part = the annoying and shallow romance and 2. becaus of said romance, kishan had to be a "proper" love interest, and that meant no more traumatised kishan! because why would a girl fall in love with a hot headed disturbed guy right?

⤷ fetishization

colleen is thirsting over the rajaram brothers and everyone can see that. she wants them to be hot and masculine and oh my god a hot !!! indian !!! prince !!! wants me <333 what do I do !!! and that ruins them. like ruins them. dhiren and kishan are sometimes nothing more than himbos (but withouth the funny and satirical or interesting part) they are just the typical oh wow fantasy-hot-guy-who have powers-and is soooo strong-and look at those muscles-damn!-that boy is hot. and it KILLS ME because for me, what made me actually want to finish reading the books was the curiosity to see if the mission would succed and the brothers and how their end would be, I didn't care for the romance (and how could I when it was so bad?) and wanted to see dhiren and kishan actually being their own beings and not just hot pieces of meat.

⤷ toxic masculinity

a man cannot be weak, right? a man cannot hide or be traumatised. that's how it feels, that's what the text transmit when kishan is not allowed to feel nothing if not what is deemed right (again something that relates to mental health stigma) and masculine! wdym he wants to stay hidden? hasn't him had enough of throwing this tantrum? he needs to MAN UP!!! kishan is again depicted as lesser or weak or immature because he is not acting in a way people expect and want him to act.

and I also want to add here that a lot of things he said or did to kelsey felt just like wanting to prove himself as apt or whatever. he was not in love with kelsey, but the idea of her, of what she and his brother had, but instead of using that and writing something good CH made him go oga booga kelsey is hot and I like woman. as if kishan could not keep it in his pants. because a man and a woman could not possibly be friends also...! she had the chance to make kishan and kelsey besties on a journey and went on to make them a weird situationship with dhiren crammed in the middle.

I have sometimes wished to "fix" and rewrite some kishan scenes, for I really hate how he was portrayed most of the time. so, returning to what I said at the beginning I often think of kishan as not book accurate and a character that could have something else if written different.

- kishan and anamika:

I like them both as a couple, but at the beginning I had a big problem with "accepting" them because it felt too much like a consolation so that kishan wouldn't be sad and miserable forever and anamika was not just throw and spun around the story at the last moment without actually having a connection to things.

and I don't know how much of it I can say it to you, so I will not dive into this topic too much and just say that I liked how they ended up, growing fond of each other, but also have problems with some stuff about that. again, the idea was compelling and even great, but CH manages to write somethings badly, like always.

- ren and kelsey:

suck balls. not an attractive or compelling couple. two of the most annoying people on earth started date, great, I might kill myself. wished they would've parted ways at the end of the book but it is a romantasy so that'd never happen, but they were not meant to end up together AT LEAST not until kelsey developed basic communication skills and ren was a real human being made of flesh and blood and not a barbie doll.

- racism/sexism: I think you have said everything there is to say about this. CH didn't research probably and cultures and countries are portrayed through a racist len. orientalism is very heavy. fetishization also. it was one of the things that actually made me want to research things correctly and learn about them in the right way tho.

- lokesh: he was a soap opera villain. but a trashy and really bad one. I am brazilian for gods sake, I was RAISED by soap operas, I LOVE them. so this is the worse thing I could say abt this guys. he is the villain you hate not because he is good and it's fun to hate him, but because why the fuck would someone write such a shitty character and still have the courage to publish it.

what drives lokesh? power. what lokesh wants? power. to do what? to gain even more power and then be the most powerful of the powerful guys! powerfullines and power and did I mention power? lokesh just wants and wants and tho that could've been worked well through the perspective of corruption and how a human can go, this is not the case, lokesh is not the case. he just wants because it is necessary for the story to have an antagonist. we know nothing about him besides him being cruel and borderline creepy about sex and woman and breeding, another big problem for me. I wish I could understand why is it ren and kishan are so so so deeply scared of him and still managed to live all of this time without dying. and okay we know based on some explanations we are given, but it still feels shallow and rushed.

- "love triangle":

sigh. do I really need to say it? say how bad and cliché and nonsense the "love triangle" was?

was it necessary? no. was it compelling? no. was it infuriating? yes. was it something that prejudiced the relationship between kishan and dhiren and made it hard for the readers to connect with them and consider their love for each other interesting? YES YES YES YES YES. was it the only thing remotetely close to a personality that kelsey ever had? yes.

I think all I said was enough, but... yeah, I hated the love triangle. I don't like to think of writing and art in general as something that was to have utility to be deemed good or bad, utility/purpoufulness and art do not walk together, sometimes art is just is, without wanting to teach something meaningful or life-changing or a moral lesson, BUT I do think there is cases - mostly talking about books - where we need to turn and look at the theory and understand what are we doing. and colleen was doing something called self inserting. and that, is not a very solid base to build your romantics plots and relationships...!

- kishan and dhiren:

they had the chance to be compelling (omg I am repeating this word a lot I am sorry I am sleepy) and interesting and were not. because between there a white elephant called kelsey. they would sometimes feel like brothers who had been bound together by destiny and were facing a major curse and had their freedom and life taken away from them, but then they would just become two horny teenagers who know nothing but looking at woman again and it the moment would be gone and CH would take 20 more chapters to be able to do it again.

- self-insert/(y/n):

colleen wrote this for herself, that's the truth. she wanted to be y/n and thought why not? and that how kelsey hayes was born. just look at where kelsey goes to live at the end of story... look where she and ren go and settle down. that answers everything from the series, literally everything. kelsey is colleen projecting. that's why it feels so bad, is a poorly and rushed written wattpad fanfic.

- conclusion:

I have completely roasted this book to the point you might ask what do I like in the books. well the answer I don't know exactly, most book accurate/canon things I like only happen in the tiger's dream and yet most of them are because I have heavily interpreted and also filled in some blanks. I do like more the idea of what could've been that the books lmao, and I do like some characters (and treat them as separate from the book) more than the books too.

but it was a special series for me for a very long time, and it was one of the firsts books, the first I think , of fantasy that wasn't happening on united states or europe and it made me curious and excited when I was a kid. it made me want to know more and read more from other cultures, although I recognise how poorly depicted it was and how racist too.

this series feels to me too much like something that could've been good, maybe even great if done right, correctly, but at the end who I am to say all of this? at the end it's just how I feel about a silly books series that is very niched and that I am actually glad was never that popular. and if one day this story is adapted I hope they change everything and make it actually good and not racist. but that's like waiting for a miracle.

@jelly-as-in-grape-concord made this for me

Tiger’s Curse book 3 is officially the worse book I’ve ever read and Colleen Houck is my eternal enemy.

#ely talks abt tgc!!#I am so sorry again I got carried away

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mewberii · 4 years ago

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Streamer!Scaramouche AU

i feel like he’d be one of the biggest streamers on his platform- probably one of those that everyone has heard of even if they’re not into watching livestreams and all

but between those who do know who he is, they either love him or hate him. no in-between

it’s kind of understandable because his attitude is not suited/can be handled by anyone

he’s brutally honest even when his opinion may be seen as rude (to him he’s just saying the truth so he doesn’t mind if people get offended)

of course he doesn’t try to be rude on purpose but i mean it as in he’ll say what he thinks

imagine he’s playing a game and he doesn’t like a certain mechanic, or he isn’t enjoying the story;

he won’t say the game is bad but he’ll openly say he doesn’t like it/it’s not for him. it makes him seem strict but tbh he’s not that hard to please and even when he complains about one or two things he still enjoys the game

he usually gives every game a chance even when from what he’s seen it doesn’t sound like a game he’ll like. if he turns out to be right he just won’t play it again and if he’s wrong he’s a little too prideful to admit he spoke a little too fast but in the end he will admit the game is good or he’s having fun

probably the kind that just knows so much about all games and all the creators and all the game-making engines and is up to date with every single news of everything video-game + streaming-related,,, how does he do it, i don’t know,,,,

and also since he’s so popular he probably gets packages from game developers with limited edition stuff or merch from different games soooo often

and he placed the ones from his favorite games in his setup room and it looks INCREDIBLE he has so much stuff

he did a room tour stream once talking about all he has, where he got everything, from his monitor to every complement of his computer and like,,,,, the cost of his setup,,,,,,, some people already know they’ll never be able to afford that in their entire life

and he already had a great setup before he even became big as a streamer so people can already guess he’s fairly rich

also i feel like he would have started his career as a streamer without using a facecam and even like that, he already managed to get very popular because of his professional commentary of game dynamics/playability + you can tell that he’s passionate about this and also he’s very funny without even trying??

he says some stuff so casually that he doesn’t realise how funny it is

probs showed his face after he hit a very important milestone

he never considered showing his face that important but he understood why people would want to see his reactions when playing games (even tho he warned them he’s not the most expressive/dramatique person in the world and they know by now) and would want to put a face to the person who entertains them so much with his streams

and when he does show his face people go absolutely cRAZY BECAUSE he is crazy good looking (if you don’t think he’s good looking i’m sorry for your eyesight. jk i’m sorry in general i just really love him)

some people who didn’t watch his streams will even check them out because of that but literally if you come for the visuals only you won’t stay for long because as i said not anyone can handle his personality

if he sees people being superficial about him too much instead of paying attention to what’s happening in the stream, he will immediately turn the subs mode on in the chat (if he didn’t have it on already)

being rude, being disrespectful/saying discriminating stuff or anything of that sort won’t be tolerated and anyone who does it will be banned instantly

without even interrupting what he was saying before he saw the comment, he’ll just type the ban to whoever said that and go on

and his mods do the exact same. they are just as strict as him

if it ever got too much of course he wouldn’t be afraid to speak up about it and tell his chat to stop that behaviour or else, as they should already know, he won’t be afraid of banning them even if they’ve been subscribed for months or years

ANYWAYS

why do i feel like he has a super organised chat— as in instead of spamming 5 emotes per comment they all send just one and it looks so tidy and perfect

literally other streamers would be jealous of how not-messy his chat is even when he has thousands and thousands and thousands of viewers all the time

also i have this idea that maybe any of his fans would have designed him as a genshin character (which would be the design of the scaramouche we know (?))

and the little pop-ups (i don’t know the name in english rIP) thingies that show up to notify when someone subscribed or donated would be lil chibi art of that design

it’d be really cool

and since i also doodled what a stream of his could look like (i’ll show it in the future when i’m done!!) i thought that way it’d be more recognisable that the streamer is scaramouche

99% of the people who have seen him irl found him too intimidating to go ask him for a picture or tell him anything

he’s not a huge fan of taking pictures anyway + is more on the introverted/reserved side but he wouldn’t mind if someone went up to him (if he’s not busy with something) to tell him something or say they enjoy his streams

i feel like in a couple occasions he would have played a game with some subscribers and he’d like to tease them speaking with his usual tone and face (in case they’re watching the stream as they talk) so they think he’s serious

“did you watch my 12 hour stream the other day?” -scaramouche

“ah,,,, i-” -the sub

“think well of what you’re going to answer.” -scaramouche

“i-i couldn’t watch the whole thing,,,” -the sub

“ah, is that so…?” -scaramouche

he’ll pretend to sound disappointed but at one point he just can’t help but smirk and hold in a chuckle before telling them he’s not serious

(he literally doesn’t know how the hell he survived that stream himself because he isn’t one to stream for that long)

i feel like deep inside people who know him would know he wouldn’t say such things seriously/wouldn’t be disappointed in anyone for not watching every single minute of his streams or not even all his streams

but he says all that so seriously that it’s,,, intimidating and they’re lowkey like “god but what if he’s not joking-”

he’d play games with the other streamers sometimes but i feel like most of the type he’d play more single-player games

it’d be so funny if he plays among us with others and for example one of those others it’s childe

both of them would always be suspecting of the other first/bickering, especially scaramouche

and if one game turns out they’re both the impostors… people would know right away

like, if any of them tried to defend the other, everyone else would be like “!?! what is this? scaramouche and childe defending each other? scary”

they’d vote one of them (maybe scaramouche) out because they started guessing + saying proof of how both of them could be the impostors (but the biggest proof is them not coming for each other’s throats sNKJFNGKJS)

scaramouche would have to resist the urge to S C R E A M

needless to say he doesn’t like when he has to be impostor with childe

and unfortunately for him, fate makes it happen considerably often

i feel like at least one time scaramouche would kill next to childe and then report it and literally blame childe

and childe would be like ?!?!?!?!?? WHAT- NO- (struggles bc his brain instinct is to say ‘it was you!’ but they’re both the impostors??? how-)

and then they’d eject childe,,, and then people wouldn’t suspect of scaramouche for most of the game because ? why would he- blame his partner---

well he did it with no regrets and at the end when they all found out they found it very funny (except for childe, but even he ended up laughing in the end because what a mean strategy sjkfhdsgkj)

i have this feeling that even though they bicker so much and for any strangers it’d seem like they hate each other, when scaramouche does play online games, many times it’d be with childe?

ik they aren’t supposed to get along but for the sake of it being a modern au i don’t want bad vibes between any of the characters pls-

and everyone enjoys their dynamic and those streams always get a ton of viewers sjfhdsgkj and i’m sure both their chats would be good friends (most likely one’s fans would also be a fan of the other too)

very very very rarely (because he prefers just playing and talking while playing) he’d do streams where he doesn’t play anything but just talks with the chat, watches videos that they send him, looks at the fanart they make, just talks about games,,,,

it’d be super chill and the perfect streams for people to be doing homework/work/play games/draw or do basically anything while they listen to his stream in the background

he’d also be answering some of people’s questions about him or about his favorite games, or if he’s playing this new game that came out earlier this week,,,

“will you play ‘it takes two’ with childe?” -someone in the chat

“absolutely not. i won’t play a co-op game with him”

not even 5 days later, tweet from childe saying “streaming in 30 minutes! Scaramouche and I will be playing It Takes Two on my ch---”

anyways this will be all!! (for now?) i obviously knew genshin before this but, yesterday i could finally start playing it myself! so i feel like if not now, soon i will also write headcanons of him playing genshin! i don’t take requests but if you guys have any ideas or anything you want to say about this AU, send me an ask!! i’d love to talk about this and about genshin in general!

also, i was very inspired to write this by @baeshijima ! so thank you very much to her for her wonderful streamer AUs and if anyone reading this hasn’t read hers already, go check them out!! they’re amazing!!

#genshin impact #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact scaramouche #genshin impact x reader #scaramouche headcanons #scaramouche scenarios

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maan-is-done · 4 years ago

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I think it must be the time to finally talk about this and it can't be unsaid.

It's hard for me to put it in words but i try my best

Maybe at the end, we DO have Western mindset and expectations, regardless of where we live.

Today we saw sk8 English voice actors streaming on twitch, which was an absolutely fun and lovely time for all of us to watch and i really appreciate everyone who was involved in this event.

They really fed us well with things that fandom is seeking for. For instance more matchablossom moments and them being a family.

But it wasn't only moments. The anime itself is full of moments, but never a thing was confirmed as them being romantically involved (tho there are absolutely massive hints, and we also can say this for all of our ships in this anime)

Some of us are kinda tired of being hyped about them having the littlest moments and hoping that one day they become canon (tho different ppl has different explanation as canon for themselves which is not the point). Don't get me wrong. I love all these hypes and emotions i feel. But i think yk what i mean.

English voice actors gave us what we wanted. They know what we really want, and simply give it to us. As we expect things to happen.

Like what we expect things to go on in the anime.

As far as i know Japanese fandom was pretty satisfied with the ending and everything.

But i myself had my hopes really high that im gonna see clarified interaction between characters. Maybe Langa could confess to Reki, not only to his mom. Maybe things between cherry and joe can finally be clarified for God's sake. And also we could know what truly has happened between Ainouske and Tadashi.

This was my expectation for a show to call it canon. Cuz i have these expectations also irl if i see myself or anyone else in a relationship. But as a homosexual person myself, i felt teased. Specially because of the homosexuality. Cuz a great number of people still believe that homosexuality is not valid and when we don't clarifie if we're dating someone or not it's even worse. It makes people think that we're just playing around with our friends and one day this will be disappeared and we'll grow out of our phase. They don't find it valid.

Maybe in japan relationships are like this, even straight ones. Or maybe Japanese people really do enjoy unclearifed relationships and that's fine with them. It's their own content anyway, who are we to judge.

Today our fabulous voice actors gave us what we want, and maybe the Japanese fandom has already got what they wanted. The studio can't satisfy everyone in the fandom.

So maybe we can all agree that the studio did the best it could and we should cherish it, regardless of our expectations.

#sorry for long text #tnx for your time #sk8 the infinity #sk8 #sk8 anime #renga #reki kyan #sk8 reki #langa hasegawa #sk8 renga #sk8 langa #reki x langa #sk8 matchablossom

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foxymoxynoona · 4 years ago

Text

Ashtoreth

Ok, I had told Tae_ree on ao3 that I was inspired by her story Cam Girl back in the day to barf out a little cam girl story of my own, which I then immediately abandoned. I looked and I wrote this on July 20, 2020. It's not a full story arc or anything, just a little snippet I abandoned BUT I had forgotten that actually this was a stepping stone to writing Amended and Meadow, as you'll see from some themes I repurposed. I thought I'd share even though this isn't really a complete story because I think it can be interesting to see how inspiration and ideas morph over time into something completely different.

Content warnings for this: nsfw, 18+ , cam girl, voyeurism, masturbation, I don't actually know anything about cam girls and I didn't bother to learn since this was just a little writing exercise, so there ya go...

Tattoo Artist!JK x Camgirl!Reader

He didn’t watch much. Well, he watched plenty of porn, but Jungkook didn’t follow live camgirls because seeing the show live made him feel… awkward. Nervous. It felt so intimate, to have a girl talking live to the camera, to be able to type in the chat and have her notice your comment. It made it feel too much like a living, breathing person --not that he didn’t think women in porn were real! But… it was an image he was watching. Something a woman had cultivated, edited, decided to share. A live camgirl was performing in a different way and…

Well, he just felt guiltier watching camgirls. So he didn’t watch them much. Maybe he’d tune in if there was one on, and then he’d feel too ashamed of his own… earnestness. Live cam girls were a level of intimacy that… that was cruel. That he wanted. Camgirls reminded him too clearly of what he didn’t have in real life, and that made him feel ashamed and pathetic and broken. And so he’d leave almost as soon as he started watching and go find some safe, static porn.

But there was one. Ashtoreth. He couldn’t resist her. He was pathetic, weak for this woman, and wound up making an account --which he never did-- just so he could subscribe and get alerts whenever she scheduled a show. Even just the act of getting an alert made him stiffen, made the blood start to trickle south, because he knew what was coming.

He didn’t know what Ashtoreth’s face looked like. And she often wore colored wigs, so whatever he did see wasn't identifiable She had a pretty average body, neither the fit nor voluptuous extremes that tended to dominate the suggested videos. She had a somewhat soft belly and hips and thighs. She had those stripes on the inside of her thighs, too. And a beautiful tattoo along her hip that he desperately wanted to see in closer detail. Her tits weren’t huge, but soft and squeezable and real. Sometimes she presented herself bare to the camera, other times tidy, and sometimes fully grown out. She said she felt like it was a matter of principle to create videos with natural hair growth, even if she preferred to be better kept because she often got horny and juicy throughout the day and it was easier for her to keep clean. That had fucked Jungkook up for a little while. It didn’t help that she had the prettiest pussy he had ever seen, beautifully shaped and colored, and even just tuning in to see how much he’d be able to see was worth the effort. And he liked the idea that she had principles like that.

In fact, he liked all the things she talked about. She was very personable, in a way that was horribly endearing. She played video games, which had actually been what struck him first; that was how he’d found her, because he’d seen that a camgirl was playing Overwatch with a vibrating egg in, and so he’d tuned in, and she was good, and it meant the next time he’d played, it had made him too hard to concentrate, remembering the way she’d whined and moaned and cum just after she’d won her match. Fucking dream girl.

She took suggestions of things to do from high donors, within reason. He wasn’t the only one that liked when she got sort of passionate and fixated on something interesting she’d learned and wanted to share. She spoke several languages and alternated between them --English and Spanish. She claimed to speak more Korean, but never spoke that on her cams, and Jungkook was far too shy to ask her to. It would do him in, but it was also his fucking dream. Did she really speak Korean? It seemed so unusual for a foreigner.

So he liked the things she spoke about too, he liked when she shared her interests, even though it made him feel guiltier because he knew he was looking for the wrong sorts of connections in porn. A cam girl was just performing. It was possible everything she talked about was fake. She was trying to earn money, after all. It funded the toys she bought, the pretty lingerie. People funded those things, all the men and women who tuned in to watch her tease herself into a whining mess and then cum all over the sheets. She’d taught herself to squirt on camera, even giggling at how unreliable it was. She’d just started doing some anal and admitted it made her nervous. She was just so sweet and sexy at the same time, and it all fed into this horrible, horrible fixation Jungkook had that she was his dream girl, even though he knew it wasn’t true and it wasn’t real.

And then at the end of a live, she’d curled up on her side, flushed, panting a little, hand lazily stroking her hip, and said in Korean, “By the way, I thought I’d mention here because my stats say I have a lot of viewers from Asia, but I’m looking for a tattoo artist and it’s hard to find. So if anyone knows a good one in Korea, let me know!”

Jungkook came on his hand. He hunched forward, spluttering and frozen. It had ruined his good orgasm, the shock --he always had good orgasms when he jerked himself off to watching her. He particularly loved after she came, the way she lay there and giggled sort of breathily and talked about the random things that came to mind. But he had not expected her to speak Korean for the first time. And he had not expected her to ask for tattoo artist recommendations.

He froze. He stared at the screen, grunting a little as his cock twitched. Should he-- no. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. That would be stupid. And weird. And creepy. But like… what the fuck? Did she actually live in Korea?? Her profile didn’t give a location, but he’d always assumed the States since she spoke English primarily. Did… what… and she needed a tattoo artist…

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck,” he grumbled, grabbing a tissue and wiping his hand off. He couldn’t say anything. He shouldn’t.

But if he didn’t, her other followers would, right? Why was she asking for recs? She was setting herself up for harassment! She couldn’t just ask people who watched her pleasure herself for IRL recommendations!

Frantic with a need to protect her, it was perhaps the only thing that could have led him to message her.

GKtat97: hello. Are you sure it’s a good idea to ask for suggestions here? You could get bad guys answering

Ashtoreth: hello. Are you saying you’re a bad guy? ;)

GKtat97: no! I’m very serious! Be safe! But if you need a place my friend does really good tattoos in seoul. I don’t know where you are looking but I didn’t know you were in Korea

Ashtoreth: oh really? Yes I have moved a few times but I’m currently in Korea. Does your friend work in a parlor somewhere?

GKtat97: yes. Byeolbit Tattoo downtown. Whole studio of great artists

Ashtoreth: awesome, thank you! Have you had work done there?

GKtat97: yeah

Ashtoreth: cool I will definitely take a look. Thank you for the recommendation! What’s your friend’s name?

GKtat97: anyone there is good but my friend is jjk. If you ask for him, he’ll hook you up

Ashtoreth: excellent, I’ll check out his portfolio on their website. Thanks babe :*

Fuck fuck fuck, what was he doing? If anything, he should have suggested her to one of his friends there. Because what if she actually did follow up? What if she made an appointment and came in for a tattoo by him and he got to touch her… fuck, that was entirely unprofessional. He couldn’t do it. Maybe if she knew he was the one watching her, then he wouldn’t feel so morally conflicted, but there was no way he could tell this woman to her face oh yeah, that was me messaging you, I watch you finger yourself to get off. Fuck.

Well. It was highly unlikely she’d be following up, anyway. He comforted himself with that. Probably a dozen guys were messaging her now, trying to get her business so they could tattoo her body.

Ugh. She’d called him babe. He groaned and felt his cock twitch in pleasure just at that reality. She’d called him babe, this faceless woman with the beautiful voice and body. Fuck.

As far as he could tell, no one unusual had reached out to the tattoo parlor, though it was hard to really guess what that would mean. He’d idly flipped through the appointment calendar but of course it wasn’t like she’d make an appointment under Ashtoreth. No one had requested him out of the ordinary. And she’d done a couple more lives in the past couple weeks, so he figured that meant she’d decided to go with someone else. Which hurt a bit, sure, but he was trying to be an adult about it. After all, it was for the best.

And then during lunch, Mina popped her head back and asked, “Hey, there’s a woman who came by to see if you can do a consult…”

“Is she in the schedule?” Jungkook asked.

Mina made a face but admitted, “No… but that’s my fault. I’ve been trying to get something scheduled for her for a couple weeks now and forgot to write it down-- I’m sorry!”

Jungkook rolled his eyes and teased, “Mina, it’s the whole point of your job to write it down…”

“I know. I feel so bad. I’ll buy your lunch tomorrow. Can you meet with her now?��

“Fine.”

He shoved one final bite of food into his mouth, then went to wash his hands and rinse his mouth out so he wouldn’t risk sauce or broccoli in his teeth for a consult. He was still hungry but maybe if this went quickly he’d have time to scarf down the rest of it.

He stepped out to the front area where a woman sat in one of the chairs, looking a little uncomfortable actually. He thought it must be her first tattoo and that she was nervous; he got a lot of young women in for their first tattoo, a little butterfly or hummingbird on their ankle or wrist. She stood when he approached and gave him a rather dubious smile.

“Are you Jeon Jungkook?” she asked. In Korean, which was unusual but not unheard of for a foreigner. A young woman had probably come here to teach or something and learned the language, but she had a good grasp of it.

“Yes. Hello.”

“I’m Y/N,” she answered, shaking his hand.

“Nice to meet you. Sorry about the mix up--”

“It’s my fault!” Mina sighed dramatically.

“I’m sorry I’m interrupting your lunch. Should I come back another day?”

“No, it’s fine. What are you looking for?”

“Well, I um, I need one covered up and I was hoping to get something custom to cover it. I saw your portfolio and it looks like you’ve done that kind of thing before.”

He nodded, “Yeah, it’s not a problem. Do you have ideas?”

“Yeah… but I’m also kind of open… I’m not an artist, so…”

“Can you show me what you’re wanting covered up?”

“Uh, yeah…”

“We can step back here,” Jungkook offered when she seemed a little shy. She followed him back to one of the pods and leaned her hip against the table as if for strength, then lifted her shirt to show him a man’s name scrawled across her ribs.

“Is it ok if I examine it?” he asked her. She nodded and he sat on a stool to lean in close and look. It was not well done; if it was the man’s copied signature, he had an ugly hand, but the tattoos itself was also uneven, too shallow in some places, too deep in others. However the scratchy and loopiness of it would be pretty easy to design a pattern over.

“I can see by your face it’s ugly. I know. It was… complicated,” she admitted. “I keep it covered with make up usually but I want it gone.”

“That’s easy to cover,” he assured her. “What do you want over it?”

“Well, I thought-- I have this tattoo,” she told him, lifting the other side of her shirt to expose the flower design crawling out of the waistband of her pants over her hip.

Jungkook froze. She was talking but he didn’t hear anything she said because he knew that tattoo. This was Ashtoreth. He looked up at her face, frozen with shock. This was Ashtoreth’s face. How had he not recognized her voice? But she was speaking Korean and he’d only heard her speak it that once and he hadn’t expected this

“Will that work?” she asked.

“Sorry… could you repeat?” Fuck.

“If it can match this?” she asked him. “Except adding in some violets.”

“Oh. Yes. That’s not a problem,” he assured her. “Um, how big are you thinking?”

She motioned with her hands, then asked, “Am I going to die? I know rib tattoos are supposed to be pretty bad… But I’ve had a baby and I got this thing so I’m not a total baby…”

“You have a kid?” he repeated, then immediately cursed himself. Why did that matter? But it was a real thing about her and it was not what he’d expected.

“Um, yeah. Do you have kids?”

“No,” he said simply. And then because apparently he couldn’t stop himself, he pointed, “I guess he wasn’t a very good father, huh?”

She gave him a small laugh and a crooked grin that made his heart actually flutter and agreed, “No, he wasn’t. But I did get something good out of it, so that’s what I want to cover his name with.”

“Flowers?”

“Violets. My daughter with him is called Violet.”

“Ah. That’s… sweet.” He looked away from her, sliding over to the counter to get his camera. “Can I take a picture? I’ll draw a design and you can leave your email with Mina. Once we get that, we’ll make an appointment.”

“Ok. Yes.” She turned to the side and held her shirt steady for him to take a picture of the names, a couple so he’d be able to recreate it flat.

“Mind if I get one of that too, so I can remember it?”

“Do you want the whole thing?”

“No, just the top is fine, if this has all the style elements you want.” So turned and posed for him to get this second one, and he tried to ignore that he was sweating a little to now have personal photos of Ashtoreth. This wasn’t ok. It wasn’t ok. It was unethical. It was ok for him to tattoo her if she knew he knew, but otherwise it was unethical, right?

But he didn’t tell her. Because he was stupid and struck a little dumb by her. He couldn’t comprehend that he was seeing her in person right now, that he was seeing the tattoo up close that had factored into how many of his solo sessions now? And this other tattoo, that never showed in her videos! He knew something now none of her other viewers did.

She thanked him for his time and he promised to get her a sketch within a week and then she left. The whole exchange had been so… normal, compared to how he might have envisioned it.

She hadn’t been anything like he’d expected, but maybe that wasn’t fair. He tuned into her next live after debating it, but he couldn’t bring himself to miss it. He wanted to see if he could see traces of her bad tattoo, but she did a good job of hiding it.

Anyway, why should he be surprised that she had been polite and sweet and a little shy? Because he didn’t expert a camgirl to be those things in real life? But that came through in her cams and it was one of the things that had even initially drawn him to her channel.

It was different now though. She slid her fingers down her panties and he knew what her face looked like. She pressed her fingers into her wet hole and he knew she’d had a child. He knew her real hair color and her real eye color and the sound of her voice in person. Soon he would spend hours hunched over her body, etching something permanent into her skin that would hopefully please her, that all her viewers would see on her. How would she unveil it? Would she give him credit? She’d already been very excited about the design he’d emailed her.

#mywriting #tumblronly #jk x reader #bts smut #drabble

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