#“i think i might wander a bit”

[its-me-hyunjin]

'a good day to be a dog' was supposed to be a fun time but now i'm literally on the verge of tears

[lucabyte]

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

[coldshrugs]

we're still right where we're supposed to be together through ups and the downs, dungeons and ivory towers

@froschkuss has blessed me with this lovely commission of io and estinien, i can't stop looking at it!

[sysig]

Just be honest! (Patreon)

Bonus:

Could be :)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[kunikisss]

for ONCE in my life i chose a different route for my daily walk and found this puppy on the side of the road and i asked around in the nearby houses if they know whose it was, but they DIDN'T and then a lady told me that somebody probably left it there and oh my god how can you do that but whatever it's my responsibility now. it's so stupid & stinky & small i don't know what to do with it

i couldn't get a proper fucking picture because it kept SHAKING

[hakuryuu]

shopping trip

[keeps-ache]

in a cafe rn. this place is nice :>

[alchemania]

Be At Rest (Both Soul and Body)

Furina barely, if ever, caught Wanderer sleeping. He was always on the move, often whizzing by in a blue and white blur - or simply blending in with the crowds in Sumeru, allowing himself to sink into the sea of people around him.

So when she found him resting in the forest with a rather rotund bird on his head, the sight had her speechless for a good few moments. Not wanting to disturb his peace, Furina tiptoed closer and sat next to him as quietly as possible, folding her hands over her lap as she observed the sky- the clouds drifted lazily overhead, and she found herself relaxing, the air calm and warm. Looking back over to her companion, Furina wondered if he was truly sleeping, or just resting. Curious, she lifted a finger and gently poked his cheek, and an indigo eye opened instantly.

"What," he said, voice heavy with weariness.

"Were you sleeping?"

And just like that, the slight irritation she'd come to know shone through in his gaze. "I was TRYING to. Before somebody decided to bother me."

"..ah, sorry. I can lea-"

"I didn't ask you to go," he went on, closing his eye again and shifting so he was on his back. "As long as you stay quiet, it's fine." He folded his hands over his belly then, sighing, and Furina couldn't help but giggle - he looked like a little tired old man, and he acted about as crabby as one sometimes too, honestly. "The hell is so funny?"

"You look like a little old man," the white haired girl grinned, more giggles bubbling out of her, and the offense on Wanderer's face was palpable.

"I do not."

"You act like one, too. Crabby little guy who pretends he doesn't like anyone -"

"I don't pretend not to like people," he countered.

"..okay, but you do care a lot more than you let on."

".. I didn't know this was a character evaluation," Wanderer deadpanned, but the way his voice softened let Furina know she wasn't far off track.

"S'not a bad thing to care, you know."

A pause.

".. I know. A heart is a very heavy burden to carry though, sometimes. Almost too heavy."

"I think that's what makes us human though," the girl replied gently, also shifting so she was laying a few feet away from the young man. "The weight of - feeling, of loving, and holding things dear to us, and hurting when they're gone- that's a part of living."

"..hm."

"And yeah, hearts are a very heavy burden. But you don't have to carry it alone, either. Remember that." Furina looked up to the sky again, folding her hands over her breast, and Wanderer looked to her briefly with an unreadable (but visibly softer) expression before closing his eyes once more. A comfortable silence fell, and the warmth of the sun had Furina taken by slumber before she knew it.

When she woke up, the stars had already started to twinkle in the sky, and the girl sat up, slightly discombobulated. Sniffling, she rubbed at her eyes to wipe away her weariness, and then froze in her tracks when something akin to a sob broke the silence. For a moment, she thought she had imagined it, but then it came again, louder, and she turned to her companion, crawling over on her hands and knees. "Wanderer...?"

He didn't answer, but the tears rolling down his cheeks told her everything she needed to know. "Oh..." Furina's heart clenched, and she gently placed a hand to his back. "Hey ..hey, it's okay, it's just a dream, you're alright." Carefully, she reached out her free hand and patted him gently on the cheek, hoping to rouse him- if he was crying, his nightmare must be something awful. "Come on. Wake up."

Wanderer stirred, but did not wake, and to her shock, he began to mumble in his slumber:

"Please don't leave...don't leave me behind...."

"I'm not going anywhere," Furina assured.

"Mother," Wanderer begged, tears falling faster. "I'll do anything, just don't leave me here alone -"

Oh.

"Wake up," Furina pleaded, shaking him harder, and he did, taking a sharp gasp and settling into raggedly breathing. Wanderer looked around frantically, not quite awake yet, and she took his hand, to ground him. "You're okay. It was just a dream, it's alright -" the young man stiffened once he seemed to realize she was there, freezing up like a startled cat who had just been cornered.

"What - what are you doing here?" he breathed, chest heaving, and she frowned.

"We were just hanging out and I fell asleep and I guess you did too, and when I woke up, you were crying...are you going to be okay?"

"I have no choice," he mumbled, placing an arm over his face, and Furina shook her head, slowly.

"That's not true. It's okay to not be okay."

"Not for me."

"Why not?"

"Because -" he trailed off then, pulling his hand away from the girl, and she let him. ".. because I just - I just have to be. Okay?"

"It doesn't make you weak, you know. Do you think I would be weak if I wasn't okay?"

"..that's different -"

"Why?"

"Because you're human-"

"So what? You think beings that aren't human just have to be these immovable pillars of stability? You feel, just like I do. You have hopes and dreams, and fears, just like I do. You've experienced so many different aspects of life. Maybe- maybe people treated you like you weren't human, but that doesn't mean you aren't, you know. I mean, weren't you saying earlier a heart's a heavy burden? That's part of being human. Sometimes we feel weak and like we're all alone, but - even when we do feel that way, people care."

".. I don't know why they do."

"Do they need a reason to?" Furina challenged gently, tilting her head. "Love never needs a reason. It's just there, regardless of who you are, where you've been, where you're going, what you have done and what you will do. That's what makes it so beautiful. It's always there."

"..then why-"

"??"

"...no, forget about it. I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright. I won't push you."

"Even if you did, I wouldn't talk."

"I know, I just -"

"I understand what you're trying to say," he mumbled, sniffling. "...thanks."

"Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to leave?"

"I- I don't know. I don't know," Wanderer replied, almost inaudibly, and she nodded. And then, all of a sudden, he got up and made his way over to the lake nearby, sitting in the water so he was waist deep. He looked awfully small without his hat, Furina realized. Maybe that was why he wore it all the time.

"Come here," he beckoned, and she stared, in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Come here," he repeated, stronger this time. "You wanted to know how you can help me, right? Come sit. Just- I don't know. I don't want to be alone right now, weird as that is."

"Okay," she nodded, making herself comfortable in the water next to him. Minutes passed with Wanderer sitting rigidly, and then suddenly he hissed, clenching at his chest so hard his hands made wrinkles in the fabric.

"Wh- what's the matter?" Furina cried, eyes wide with alarm, and Wanderer shook his head, eyes glossy.

"Hurts. But it shouldn't, I -"

"Look, I don't know what you saw in your dream, but it's clear it's hurting you more than you want to admit. . will ..will the pain pass?"

"It usually does."

"...is it okay if I hold your hand until then?"

For a long moment, he did not speak, and Furina half expected him to say no. But then he shakily removed one of his hands from his chest and linked it with Furina's gloved one, and she paused. "..wait a moment." The ivory haired girl removed her glove then, holding Wanderer's hand with her bare one. His was cool and very smooth, like porcelain, and hers was warm and soft. The contrast was nice, she mused, noting sadly how her friend's hands trembled.

".. please don't tell anyone about this."

"I won't," Furina smiled. "I got 500 years worth of experience in keeping secrets, so no need to worry~" Wanderer sent her the most withering gaze at that, and she startled. "..what?"

"That's not funny," he mumbled, expression sullen. "Your pain, and everything you went through - you shouldn't make fun of it like that."

"Oh," she replied, heart dropping to her feet in shock. "I was just trying to -"

"I know what you were trying to do. Please don't do it at your expense. It isn't helping anyone feel better."

"..okay."

"Good."

A pause.

".. did I say anything weird? When I was sleeping?"

"..you were calling for your mother."

Wanderer stiffened, pain streaking across his face. ".. I see. Ridiculous of me." Furina did not push, but he looked to her, reading the question in her eyes. "..she hasn't been a part of my life for years now, so there's no reason to feel like this."

"..isn't that all the more reason to miss her? If she hasn't been there?"

"Not if she wasn't a good mother," he muttered, eyes dark. "I don't need her anymore."

"People can hurt you and you can still miss them, Wanderer. Those things don't have to be mutually exclusive. I don't - know what all happened so I'm not saying you need to forgive her or let her back in your life, but it's okay to miss her. It's ..okay to mourn what could have been," Furina ventured, looking to the water. "We were meant to be loved and cared for and when we're not, it- it hurts a lot, and it's not weak to be hurt. It's not weak to feel that hole in your heart."

"..it feels that way."

"..yeah. I understand. But I promise you're not weak."

The moon hung high in the sky before he spoke again. "..if nothing else, my life is my own now."

"That it is. You can do whatever you want with it."

"How do you just - seem to know what to say all the time?"

"I don't always, but... I often just speak from my heart. It's hardly led me astray."

"Hm. ...you should get some sleep."

"Will you be okay?"

".. I don't know," he admitted. "I'm.. getting there, though."

"That's good, that's good."

"I don't think I'll be going back to sleep, so just. Don't bother waiting up for me. I may go for a walk to clear my head."

".. alright. Please be safe."

"There isn't much that can hurt me, but I appreciate the concern."

"I know, but-"

"But you still worry."

"Because I care."

"..mhm."

"That's what friends do."

Wanderer turned his head, almost owlishly. "..what?"

"Am I wrong?"

"Well, no, but- you said -"

"That you're my friend, yes," Furina asserted, and he stared, bewildered. "You're nice to me, and you don't mind- well, who I am, yanno? You gotta keep those people close to you."

".. I guess so. I don't think I'm a very good choice, but- if that's what you want."

"It is."

".... okay."

She wasn't sure, but Furina could have sworn Wanderer was smiling a little when she fell asleep.

..of course, he vehemently denied it the next morning.

[hastalavistabyebye]

I was wondering, why do we use deer iconography so often to depict cryptids and gods and monsters of the wilderness ?

Well first of, it's based on western imagination, culture and lore of course. This plays obviously a major part of it but why ? Why a deer ?

By the way, deer presence in folklore and everything is old, like very old, and common to lots of cultures. Its antlers renewal is associated with rebirth and life and death cycle. And globally deers are seen as a link with the supernatural. What I'm trying to theorise is why, and maybe why still today.

So let's start.

First, the wilderness pictured is the one of nature. The nature untouched, undomesticable by humans. The savage nature, the wild nature. And what is a wild nature in western biome ? The forest. It's the wild element of the western landscape. It's a huge part of folklore because its darkness and density is home of so many creatures and dangers. You can get lost in it, easily. You hold no power in the Forest, etc, etc. The forest is the best way to start a tale isn't it ? Anyway, that's the first point : magic and secrecy, everything cryptid and other fairies and land monsters, are linked to the Forest. 

And what do we find in a forest ? Well lots of things (and I'm only speaking about wildlife here, so not vegetation). Bears, wild boars, lots of different birds with a lot of variety, rabbits, wolfs and foxes... And of course deers.

So why deers and deer-particularities specifically are so much used and appreciated ? There is so many other animals to use ! So here is what I think, and it's really is just an idea, a simple take on the matter :

Deers are beautiful creatures. They are majestic, mighty. They're also skittish and fast. Finding a deer is hard. This two points put them in two cases of common imagination. 

They are regal : it puts them in a "king of the Forest" sort of position. Especially since their antlers are associated with royalty. It's the symbol of a good hunter and who liked to hunt ? Kings. So yeah, they're heavily associated with royalty and power, must it be as a symbol or because of their appearance and grace.

They are hard to meet and good at hiding : it put them in the "supernatural" case, the fantastic aspect of the Forest. Here and not here. Watching you but impossible to see. As if they were at two places at once. Present but never where you look. 

So that's already two aspects in their favour for being associated to a godlike creature of the Forest.

But there is also something else. Because a bear or a wolf could have similarities in a way or the other. So deers have something else.

They are dangerous but not carnivorous. They are a prey, not a danger for the Forest. Not a danger for the Forest inhabitants. A danger for us. And where does this come from ? Easy : the deer's slab. You hear them from far away, they are noisy like all hell. And it is kind of terrifying. Plus they're also fighting. And it will be dangerous if you get too close because they will attack. Not to eat. Not because they're hurt or because of their instincts specifically. It practically feels like they are angry at you (because it does sound like they are angry at something or each other or well you know anything and everything really, deer's slabs are impressive as hell). And so they can be seen as forces you should not mess with. Forces that will only attack each other or invaders of their territory, protectors.

Mighty, very hard to find, protectors living in the Forest. Oh and very easily identified thanks to their unmistakable antlers.

It's in fact no wonder why deer iconography is so used to depict the Forest (and wilderness at large) dangers, secrets and power.

[skrunksthatwunk]

it has just occurred to me that ive reached the point in my life where im enthusiastically looking at travel vlogs. idk how to feel about that

[fwoopersongs]

人是_

'What is Human?' Theme song performed by Zhou Shen for Wandering Earth 2.

Go forth toward every fated storm’s blind eye. You came from the volcano’s scorching heat, and the deep sea’s bitter cold [1]. Life itself was an accident, the flip side of the coin is dust [2]. For the fluke which allowed us to fall in love, we crafted ships, move mountains [3].

To march into war is destiny old as time, humanity shall step barefoot into the night [4]. Only I can decide on how I shall await. Let death covet me [5], let fear kiss me. Come destroy all that I love deeply, still, there’s no snatching away my choice.

Snap of the fingers - I am obliterated, but fate cannot defeat will to live on. Let life be as the fervent fireworks, the splendor before they��re extinguished shall even light up a child’s eyes [6].

The unknown unveils the chess game: only by abandoning yesterday can the formation be broken [7]. So goodbye, my moonlight, my blue, my love [8].

The giant steel monster is roaring; we refuse to go into that good night [9]. Shattering is the promise of new life. My wish, then, is to be dust [10]. Let death covet me, let fear kiss me. Come destroy all that I love deeply, still, there is no snatching away my choice.

Snap of the fingers - I am obliterated, but fate cannot defeat will to live on. Let life be as the fervent fireworks, the splendor before they’re extinguished shall even light up a child’s eyes.

If enormous waves have submerged the road we took here, I am the sail, and the boat, (What is a human? What is a human?) a minuscule speck of hope [11]. (What is a human? What is a human?) We are still moving forward, without a light to guide. Go forth. Lose it all. Don’t STOP [12].

Let time and space whittle me away. You do not need to remember me [13]. Come destroy all that I love deeply, still, there is no snatching away my choice.

Snap of the fingers - I am obliterated, but fate cannot defeat will to live on. It is a race that sings loud in the face of a hazy unknown. Life is like a firework, so then light it up, the child’s eyes, the sight of the future [14].

..................................................................................................

Notes

This song came for my HEART. I’ve been looping it non-stop since stumbling across this at lunch on Friday. Made 4 hours of my workday feel three times as long.

[1] 你来自火山炙热 与苦寒的深海 You came from the volcano’s scorching heat, and the deep sea’s bitter cold. This is about the origins of life of course, particularly the theory of how it could have come from volcanically active hydrothermal environments on land and sea. It sounds incredibly romantic phrased like this though.

[2] 生本 就是 意外 硬币反选为尘埃 Life itself was an accident, the flip side of the coin is dust. LOVE the emphasis of 'life' coming to be as chance with the coin toss. Just look at the surface of our moon.

[3] 为侥幸可以相爱 造了船 移著山 For the fluke which allowed us to fall in love, we crafted ships, move mountains. References to stories of how humans have before and still will respond in the face of impending disaster and impossible odds. Like Noah's Ark and the foolish man that moved a mountain.

[4] 出征是古老的宿命 人将赤足踏入夜晚 To march into war is destiny old as time, humanity shall step barefoot into the night. Literally 出征 is leaving on a campaign (military). Overlaying this line with the rescue workers (?), with the previous lines about facing fate and doing what seems impossible. Like saying yes, it seems hopeless, but we’ve been doing this right from the beginning and even unprepared we will fight. And I just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Also. Have you heard of 赤脚不怕穿鞋的 (the barefoot don’t fear the shod)? People who have little or are left with little have less things holding them back. Mostly all they have left is their lives. It’s actually a slightly humorous everyday sort of proverb. Gave me an achy sort of LOL here. 

[5] 让死亡觊觎我 Let death covet me. ^ Is nowhere near how AMAZING AND FEARLESS this sounds. It sees you. It really wants you. It can’t have you. But it’s still LOOKING, hungrily. That’s the feeling.

[6] 让生命如剧烈的烟火 璀璨熄灭前也将点亮 孩童的双眸 Let life be as the fervent fireworks, the splendor before they’re extinguished shall even light up a child’s eyes. I have nothing but appreciation for this part and whoever put together that MV. My heart still pounds after seeing it so many times LOL.

[7] 未知 摊开 棋局 舍弃昨日才可破 The unknown unveils the chess game: only by abandoning yesterday can the formation be broken. Joined this together in the translation, but in my head it also exists as like: An unknown. Cards revealed. A chess match. Only by abandoning yesterday can the (opponent's) formation be broken. And I say this for every line, but this is awesome!!!!!

[8] 再见了我的月光 我的蓝 我的爱 So goodbye, my moonlight, my blue, my love. Saying goodbye to the moonlight, the blue earth and loved ones. I remember that lady who says when she was young and couldn’t sleep, she’d look at the moon. And I was like oh! me too. If you think about people throughout all of time who have taken comfort in that they are looking up at the same moon as their those they care for... This is sUCh A LINE???????? It makes me feel like I need to respond sincerely. ‘We appreciate the sacrifice.’ I need to say this back. T_T

[9] 我们拒绝走入夜晚 we refuse to go into that good night. I made this a Dylan Thomas reference ‘do not go gentle into that good night’ / 不要温和地走进那良夜, because it reminded me so much of it of it. So stubborn and so human. Achy feelings again.

[10] 破碎是新生的约定 我便愿为尘埃 Shattering is the promise of new life. My wish, then, is to be dust. So you will willingly step forth knowing there is no return so that life can go on. I read this line in another book last year that has stayed with me, in English, it goes: Everyone dies. Humanity will live on. And that conviction and willingness to sacrifice hits me in the same soft spot.

[11] 我是帆 亦是舟 是微渺 的希望 (人是什么? 人是什么? ) I am the sail, and the boat, a minuscule speck of hope (What is a human? What is a human?) HI HELLO WHAT THE HELL THIS LINE IS ON FIRE. Why? Why? 巨浪 is the imagery of like, the classic (though rare) tsunami wave. And cresting on that wave, a little boat. (When you say 舟, I think of a little leaf-shaped sailboat.) So fragile and so so so brave. The chorus in the background asking ‘what is human?’ and THIS being the answer is sort of devastating and warm at the same time. Every part of this song is so well designed?

[12] 往前吧 失去吧 不要停留 Go forth. Lose it all. Don’t STOP. The vibe of this esp with the 吧 in there is not a ‘give up, give in’ feeling, but more of a this is our absolute VERY last chance (callback to [4]), and we’re putting all that we have into it, there’s no more safety net and nothing else matters EXCEPT THIS ONE THING SO WE CANNOT STOP.

I LOVE THE SCREAM. I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[13] 你无需记得我 You do not need to remember me. Double triple underlines ‘Everyone dies. Humanity will live on.’ And the lady in the astronaut suit kissing the person through that photo. I have so many feelings about this, but feeling a bit too intensely to word them. So just !!!!!!!!!!!

[14] 未来的瞳孔 the sight of the future. It literally reads, future’s pupil, you know? It’s the part of the eye that lets in the light. The focus of screentime on the camera of MOSS (?) feels significant.

Adore that name, MOSS btw. It feels friend shaped.

..................................................................................................

Rambling

This is one of those works where the whole body of the song and the title are one. 人是_ ‘humans are’ and then a blinking cursor… full of infinite possibilities. The use of a familiar everyday feature? hallmark? (someone find me a better word haha) of our technology and times - I think it’s so interesting and a cool detail to put in and use. Curious why it’s a horizontal and not vertical cursor though. If anyone knows, please give me a shout!

There are so many lines I love and keep thinking about. I’ve given individual shout outs upstairs, so now it’s time to jump around messily!

That we were born of extremes, that it was pure chance that we are alive and able to feel, and that a return to chaos is inevitable as fate. But you know, the coin landed on ‘life’ once, twice, who knows how many times? Man was lucky once, and since then has fought to keep that coin on ‘life’. We don’t remember every hero. But we are alive. One side is life and the other is dust. Heads or tails? But if in the most hopeless and desperate of times, there is a path to life. And there are those willing to be the path even if it means they have to stay behind. This song is their POV, our POV. Our struggle. Our fear. Our hope. Our triumph.

You don’t have to remember me. This was my choice. 

I am small. But we go on.

[wr0ngwarp]

music box

[sysig]

Haven’t seen you around these parts (Patreon)

[gayboyrocklee]

I inhale bleach like it's an olympic sport. here's an omelette I made that might not be cooked all the way. I'm going to eat it anyway because if I do get sick it'll make me stronger

That’s a good mindset to have, I’m gonna write it down and put it on a sticky note. I really want to have an egg sandwich but my house is out of eggs and grocery runs are a Saturday deal so in two days I’ll have one I suppose.

[beeapocalypse]