#“feel it with me” was such a queer line like woah | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chirpsythismorning · 2 years ago

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Hi.what make you believe byler is endgame and how do you think The Duffer will make them endgame?

There's a lot of different factors for why I believe byler is endgame. If it was only one or two or three or a single digit amount of things, then I'd probably be more skeptical. Instead it's so many things that I don't think I can even quantify with any number?

Long post ahead so queue for later if you must!

I used to ship milkvan back in the day, and that's probably because I watched the show once and fell for the whole boy meets girl trope as peak romance, without even thinking about it? Like my first time rewatching the show pre-s3, I remember only focusing on their scenes and even going as far as to skip entire episodes in s2 without them in it, so it's really no wonder I missed details that might have helped me understand the full picture.

I also don't get queer-baited, like ever. I have watched shows like Teen Wolf where fans loved sterek, and even though that show had a gay show-runner, it was obvious to me they were never going that route, despite kind of feeding fans over the years with banter between them. The problem was the details weren't pointing to them being endgame, they were pointing to stydia. With stydia, they were using color coding in their costumes and had the fucking red string of fate in the frame with them multiple times and they were having entire plot lines built up around sort of their feelings for each other. Then there's all the other shows out there like Supernatural and Sherlock, and to me, it just felt like two guys that had chemistry that fans read as romantic and were having fun with it, only for the writers to try to profit off of that hope fans had, just sort of fucking with fans for years without really going for it literally in the text of the story.

And even if they did (albeit extremely subtly) that's when you would see shows tend to kill off the characters. Because after years of queer-baiting, the only solution is to kill at least one off, after tricking a sector of your audience for so long. Because unfortunately, no, they're not going to end up together, so we just have to get rid of one of them to make it clear that it won't happen.

While I don't vividly remember the moment I dropped Milkvan and picked up byler, I do remember watching s3 for the first time and feeling like something was off. And then to humor my confusion, I went online and came across an analysis for the end of s3. Even though it did really made me think like 'woah.. what was that?', in the moment, I was still in a position to not want to fall for it because of all the queer-baiting out there. I'd never fallen for it before and I wasn't going to start now basically.

And then I didn't read any more theories after that, I just basically jumped into rewatching the show for fun again, without really thinking about it even, and without skipping this time. And I vividly remember the shed scene definitely had some romantic undertones going on. When the camera was focused on Mike talking to Will, we didn't get any reaction shots in between of Joyce and Jonathan. Whereas when Joyce and Jonathan talked to Will, we got Mike's reaction and both Jonathan and Joyce's kind of reactions to each others speeches in that moment, which was to obviously convey the familial bond going on. And so in contrast, seeing Mike's monologue to Will be isolated, without any cuts to the others reactions during, with intense close-ups of Mike and Will, with Mike literally having one by one teardrops falling down his face and him repeating softly you said yes, you said yes... That... Like it made me really start to consider it in that moment, based on my new potential understanding of the end of s3 and based on what I had found upon rewatching that time.

Even still though, I didn't let myself believe it. And maybe in large part it was bc I did like the idea of byler I guess? And so that made me want to be more cautious? Other times when I came across fans shipping queer pairings that weren't canon, it felt like harmless shipping to me, where like I got the appeal, but didn't like feel genuine intentional slow-burn chemistry? It was always a thing that at most I liked merely as fanon. And so I guess I was trying to prepare myself for that inevitable disappointment that it wasn't going to go any further than what it had?

Maybe it was also because I was holding onto this idea of milkvan I had at the beginning? An idea that in large part contributed to my ability to get hooked with the show in the first place? Boy meets girl is like the most universal trope in our society and it was easy to just go along with it when everyone else was.

But more than anything I do think it was because I thought it just had to be queer-bait like it's always has been. At best I thought maybe it would continue very vaguely in the subtext in s4, with like 1 or two scenes at most hinting at attraction? But we all know that's not what happened..

S4 promo dropped, and I remember being like well here goes. It had been over a year, almost two since I'd been exposed to the possiblity of byler, though I was going into it prepared to see Mike and El being perfectly in love and that they were just going to act like nothing had ever happened between Mike and Will.

But then that Cali poster dropped. And that had me reeling. I remember sending a text to my sister like 'QUEER-BAIT?' and she was like yep queer-bait. But that's also because she's in the mindset of someone that hasn't seen anything outside of watching the show, and while half paying attention at that. This is the first piece of evidence she is being presented with and so of course she is viewing it from a don't hope or assume that could ever happen bc it never happens lens.

Even that I took as maybe a reality check, that this meant nothing, but also at the same time, this is the Duffer Brothers? They're smart? Why would they apply the if boy is pointing his feet at you he is in love with you rule via New Girl, with Mike and Will in the Cali poster, for shits and giggles? When the whole point in those posters is to hide foreshadowing?

Regardless of how much it genuinely shocked me they were appearing to really play with this concept of Mike having romantic feelings for Will, I still didn't fully let myself think about it too much...

And then as s4 got closer and more stuff dropped and there was like a lot of promo hinting Will having feelings for Mike, that's when it really kicked in for me. And that's when I went back and rewatched and holy shit it suddenly became clear as fucking day. My excitement for Vol. 1 was insurmountable because I was just about to have all of these recent built up theories confirmed or denied.

When Vol. 1 finally premiered and it turned out Mike couldn't say I love you to El? And Will very clearly had feelings for Mike, staring at him constantly when he wasn't looking and conveniently with Mike's POV missing by comparison? There was just too much at play that perfectly set-up byler.

Mike having a hard time telling El he loves her, while also having a best friend beside him who is in love with him, like, that's sort of what makes it clear that this is them trying to create a conflict that easily transitions into this revelation that the reason why Mike couldn't commit to El was because he was struggling over repressed feelings for his best friend.

And then that doesn't even include all the details along the way that support it. Like closet scenes for example weren't able to be harmless anymore post-s3, they just weren't. That scene at the end with El and Mike in Will's room established this idea that Mike is in the closet, and s4 did not let up on that idea whatsoever.

We were being bombarded with very basic film techniques that any filmmaker would be thinking about to establish the story and setting and create a feeling to convey a message through all of that.

They did not need to have Mike sitting in front of his closet at the very start of s4. They did not have to have a one way sign pointing to it. They did not have to have two dudes with muscles on his walls while most of the other guys either have stuff completely unrelated to the human form or bikini clad woman. They did not have to show Mike in focus more while staring at Eddie fondly as he talks about DnD and getting out of Hawkins. They did not have to have Mike go searching for DnD replacements in the wrestling room and the art room followed by saying, I hate high school.

The I hate high school line is viewed by most of us as a throw away comedic sort of line. But it really isn't. In fact it's arguably as deep as without heart we'd all fall apart, which is why they literally had that be Mike's quote alongside that one being Will's quote for the season.

Mind you, all of this shit in 4x01 is happening after Mike just episodes ago, in the previous season, sort of treated playing DnD like it was something kids did and told Will he felt this way, by essentially saying he assumed they'd be getting girlfriends and moving on from this idea that they can play games for the rest of their lives.

So Mike in s3 went from I want to grow up and have a girlfriend and stop playing dnd bc it is childish, to in s4 Do you want to play with me? I will literally settle for an absolute stranger rn, literally anyone? No? Uh. I hate high school aka I don't want to grow up. Now he thinks that he's the childish one when really, it doesn't have to be, if he just opened his mind to it.

Watching s3-4 back to back is actually so real bc it's showcasing Mike's complete shift, a shift that basically got flipped from s1-2 to s3 to s3 to s4, and it's directly related to his relationship with El and Will (along with his parents who all of s2 punished him by taking away his toys when he acted out bc of trauma/called his toys hunks of plastic and to essentially be used as collateral bc he's going to need to grow up eventually anyways). And we see how that is conveyed when he shows up to Cali unlike his true self, he just reverts right back to trying to be someone else like in s3. Only now he's trying to pull off a Cali look on-top of it, wearing sunglasses as he mumbles an incoherent sound, something like, 'eahauw' as he rushes up to kiss and hug El, putting the flowers between them so he had an excuse to separate sooner than later, followed actually voicing words to will, moving his duffel back out of the way to hug will properly, w/out sunglasses, visibly very happy to see Will, only to not even be able to hug him by cutting it short. AND for Argyle to confirm our suspicions by calling him a knock off?? NOW I'M REALIZING IT'S TOO MUCH YELLOW? Come on!?

That's another thing, the end of s3 hug between Will and Mike literally ends with Mike looking like he is in physical pain. Like dude looks like he was burned. He looks like a mixture of angry and heartbroken. And so having that, followed up with Mike barely even being able to properly hug Will properly 2 episodes later..? Gee I wonder why?

And then it just spirals from there.

The entire season Mike is by definition emotionally cheating on El, assuming that they are even technically still together atp. There's a reason they had her say From El, and it's so that there was this sense of maybe they were technically broken up now or even just on a break rn, since they wouldn't see each other for who knows how long? Maybe never again? And so that was a writing choice made in large part to allow all of these moments between Mike and Will throughout the season to feel romantic coded and for us to comfortably view them as such. Same with how they did that with Jonathan and Nancy in s2. They create conflict that is near breakup territory, without outright saying I want to break up, and then they throw them with their other love interest and create tension.

When it comes to like how I think s5 could go down with byler, I have a few different thoughts about how that would play out. Obviously I love byler but there's a lot of other stuff going on so this would just be one aspect of the greater overall story. But for the sake of this post I'm going to focus on Byler possibilities.

Them holding off until Vol. 2, literally 2 weeks exactly after the premiere, to have Noah officially release a statement saying We now know Will is 100% gay and in love with Mike, that is them clearly knowing the gravity of revealing stuff too soon to an audience that might not be ready for it. They saw the reaction to s4 and they waited and then they made that choice to discuss it the way they did. That was the point they decided they were willing to tell the truth of the situation, including Noah admitting for the first time, that they've been hinting at Will's feelings since s1, and so he had to always be vague about things to avoid spoiling the Duffers surprise. And while they're doing this, when they talk about Mike's feelings about the situation, it is always that he has absolutely no idea.

There would be no justifiable reason to hold off on admitting Will's feelings for Mike outside of canon, only to admit they've been hinting at it since s1, if there wasn't actually something yet to see be revealed, making this revelation so late in the game, justifiable.

The main thing that we get from Mike being oblivious of Will's feelings, is that if Mike doesn't know, then technically he hasn't rejected Will yet. Because how can he have rejected Will if he has no idea? Answer, he can't!

And so now there is one season left and they are choosing to hold off on Mike's knowledge about Will's feelings? After they just finally admitted after 4 seasons that they've been avoiding telling us about Will's feelings, despite hints from the beginning because they didn't want to ruin the surprise?

What surprise though bro? Slow-burn unrequited love??? There isn't any such thing. Because that wouldn't be satisfying!

It takes us right back to the line Will makes in s3 (mid-series) to Joyce about how he's never gonna fall in love. It's not that he doesn't want to or even hasn't yet at all, it's that he doesn't believe experiencing mutual love with the person he has feelings for is in the cards for him, bc odds are, that person is going to be straight.

But... How is it satisfying to hold off on even admitting Will's feelings for Mike until the second to last season, only to hold off on Mike's POV of the situation until the last season, just to say at the last minute, Well, Will, you were right!...? Like, no.

And so I genuinely think the same thing they did with Will is happening to Mike in a sense, in that by sort of dancing around the situation with answers that don't even allow you to answer the question, by saying Mike is clueless, they can avoid delving into what exactly Mike would think. They can just say Oh of course he will accept Will and leave it at that.

The thing is, if I'm supposed to be rooting for Mike and El, these choices that they've been making, to practically infect all of their scenes with Will in the frame looking like a kicked puppy, it's not giving endgame, it's giving I should be praying for this kid to get a happy ending who is fully convinced that he won't get it.

The main question I have, is are they going to hold off the slow-burn for as long as they can, or are they going to do something unprecedented and make it happen sooner than anyone expects?

I guess for now I think that it's the most likely they will hold off until 5x07 for like the big obvious endgame moment? Slow-burn tends to thrive in it's true form, aka slow-burn until the very end. So it would make sense to have these barriers in place that prevent Mike and Will from truly realizing they have mutual feelings or something of that nature, and then acting on it. That doesn't mean the audience wouldn't be clued in on those feelings earlier in the season, but I think them both accepting those feelings and coming together and choosing to be together is something that won't be like established fully until the end.

THOUGH I will say there is one scenario I could see them manage to have Mike and Will realize those feelings sooner than we think and it's because of the satanic allegations... If Will and Mike were to ever get caught in a precarious situation, by someone in the town already accusing these kids of being the cause, specifically Mike as a member of Hellfire and specifically Will as the kid who has been connected to all of this, it would be sort of visceral seeing how that could play out with them being viewed as like a symbolic indicator of the incoming apocalypse.

Though then again, they still might not get together until like episode 7, bc with the last couple episodes being like 2 hours long, it's possible the homophobic/satanic aspect of it could come into play around then. I think it would be really critical to see other peoples reactions in the story to them getting together, including their family and friends, but also potentially the community bc that would go full circle with what went down in s1 and how like the whole community had an opinion about Will's sexuality even as a kid.

Early s5 is a big indicator of how everything will go down though. I don't think that they'll get separated and be apart the whole season, bc they made a point to convey in s4 that they want to make sure to give the audience a lot of groundwork to root for them and so I think s5 has to be much of the same for it to end in a way that has most of the audience full-on rooting for them and just screaming at their screen for them to kiss already.

However, I do think it's possible we could see them get separated for like 1 episode, maybe 2 but probably not 2 full episodes, I think the reunion would happen sometime at the end of 1 or 2 episodes.

I think Will is likely going to be targeted by Vecna, arguably already was at the end of s4, and then there's birthdaygate to address. Maybe he gets forgotten by everyone as a result of the memory/time trickery that Vecna has going on. And so we could see that play a role in them being separate for a bit while that is resolved, which would likely be early s5, to sort of mirror early s1. But then I think they would reunite by like the 3rd episode and work together most of the season as a team. And we will probably be aware of Mike's feelings in these moments because we would've just presumably gotten a bunch of parallels to s1 and considering Mike and El are broken up, it's going to be difficult to see Mike be so up in arms about Will after all of that romantic subtext, only to be with him and be looking at him like he hung the stars and shit. Even if Will isn't doing the same bc he's like convinced himself at this point Mike doesn't like him back, that would just make it even more clear bc it would be them finally showing us Mike's POV, after hiding it so much in s3-4. It would also sort of wake up those fans who had insisted Mike couldn't feel the same bc there would be no reason to do all of that for nothing.

Another way I could see it going down is by Mike basically somehow making 'a deal with god' (Vecna) that takes him instead. Maybe it's about saving Will who is trying to sacrafice himself already. Or maybe it's a way to save Max and it's sort of a last minute thing that is intended to cause them a lot of grief. Bc we know Vecna loves fucking with them. This would fit into the whole without heart we'd all fall apart, and the whole how am I gonna survive a whole week w/out you guys and Mike getting out in the DND game at the start of s4, along with like the whole theory about how if a paladin breaks an oath they basically have to go on a mini self discovery journey and can essentially be reinstated and forgiven by a cleric (Will). That would fit very very well into the imagery we got of Mike sitting down on Jonthan's bed with the upside down tapestry behind him, followed by Will sitting down beside him + Mike sitting down on the upside down couch at the cabin, followed by Will sitting down beside him. Meaning basically Mike would end up in the upside down and Will would follow behind him.

And I think in that scenario we might be seeing some things from Mike's POV that we have overlooked before, or maybe even things they have deliberately kept from us for the sake of saving it for later. Maybe that unused footage of him crying biking home after they found Will's body, or maybe they re-contextualize the cliff scene in a way that sort of frames Mike as feeling like he deserved to die that day bc after everything that happened with El, maybe he doesn't feel like he deserved to be saved by her, like Vecna just overwhelms him with the guilt that's been piling up for years, which led him to that failed monologue.

Also I think there is a very specific reason they chose to not use the song Time After Time in Max's memory of the Snow Ball in s4, and that's because they're saving it for s5. Every Breath You Take was regarded by most the fandom as a Milkvan song, and if anything it fit with all of them dancing more than it did specifically with Max's memory from that day. So them bringing that back for s4 felt like a combination of the Vecna foreshadowing and also them refusing to use Time After Time quite yet... Time After Time started playing right when Lucas asked her to dance, they easily could have used that song instead and left Every Breath You Take for s5 for a milkvan montage, hell Time After Time even would have fit well with the whole clock theme going on in s4.

But, I genuinely think it's because they're holding off on fully, in canon, re-contextualizing our understanding of that Snow Ball scene when it comes to Mike and Will's perspective of it. And how that song would fit into that revelation is a little to perfect to pass up, again on a show that has made a big deal about clocks and also has connected Will/Mike to the clock in Starcourt with the Yellow and Blue hands ie you say go slow I fall behind-- the second hand unwinds is fucking clock coded bro???

They are 100% saving that clock ass song for the end and that just tells me byler has to be endgame bc that song literally ended right before El entered the gym, it has no association to them, only to either Lucas/Max, Dustin/Nancy, or Mike/Will. That's it.

And so arguably the build up of Mike and Will is the only way to satisfyingly bring that song back full circle.

I guess I'll keep it simple and say that I think one of them are going to go missing/dissapear/be taken (something along those lines) early s5, and the other is going to find them and they're going to be a team basically. I think there could be 1-2 episodes of them alone sort of in the pits of the UD (Hell vibes). Maybe there's an almost kiss in those moments, or maybe even an official one bc them being alone finally is what grants them the courage to do what they haven't been able to do in the real world without the fears of the real world stopping them?

Though I do think that they will reunite with the others after 1-2 episodes alone. And so most of the season will be them teamed up with the og party and also having interactions with other characters along the way as well.

I do think a Murray/Byler confrontation is inevitable. I do think a Will & Robin confrontation is inevitable. I do think it's possible Mike could be exposed to the idea of having a gf then a bf (and vs) by Vickie in the case that Mike finds out bisexuality is real and an option. Bc tbh it's still something people today don't know about. So I don't think Mike Wheeler in 1986 Hawkins, Indiana would, though again maybe an interaction with Vickie could change that. Either that or Robin, Vickie and Steve are going to see Mike call Fast Times overrated and they're all going to share a look and that's when we'll know...

I do think that Will is going to have a hard time believing Mike could feel the same, even when presented with evidence? Not only does he have his insecurities in the way, but he also views El as his sister now (hell she might even actually turn out to be his twin). Even though Mike is his best friend, he's going to want it to be crystal clear that El supports it before Mike ends up being in their family via them being partners at some point. That's just who Will is as a character. He's just going to assume he is wrong for wanting that considering everything that has led up to this point.

And i think El is the kind of character that, no, she wont be like ecstatic about how this all played out and how she didn't need to get her heartbroken, but I don't think that feeling will last forever. I think they might have a little sibling talk about lying, assuming she finds out about the painting and what he said to Mike about her commissioning it. That would be a good parallel to her and Will at Rink-O-Mania when he chastised her for lying to Mike? Essentially an Oh how the turntables moment? Even so, when it's all said and done, she's going to make it clear to Will that she supports him fully.

And I think the same applies to Mike who also is going to want closure that they are okay and still friends and love each other as friends/family.

I think how all of this plays out would be very intricate, yes, but largely keeping in mind that they want us to like this ending and not be bitter about it, and so they're going to have to convince us that we want to fully let go of Mike and El and to root for Mike and Will.

This so called love triangle doesn't have equal stakes to the stancy/jancy one because we're dealing with an audience that has been completely left in the dark, now being bombarded. They have to try really hard to convince the audience to be on board with this, and also avoid homophobia in the process. They're going to have to make it very, very clear there are no more romantic feelings for Mike and El happening. Especially since we're ending the show with them in a sibling dynamic because of their relationships with Will. It would be gross to have this level of well maybe one day he could change his mind I mean he did that once before. Nope. It would be okay to have that sort of left unanswered with the stancy/jancy parallels bc we're not dealing with people being related to each other and swapping back and forth. That's why it needs to be clear in their situation.

And I do think that's why they did the whole I love you 9 times with Mike's monologue. Because it can't go up from there, there is nothing left for them to do after going all out like that, only to reveal Mike meant it deep down platonically? I mean what could they possibly do to backtrack? Have him give her another love confession where he says it 20x and adds no but fr this time?? No. They had to go all out like that to give those viewers what they wanted, the most they could possibly get and then say, sorry it's not happening. It essentially made it impossible to hope for it bc there's nothing left to hope for.

When it comes to byler and like these major moments that are bound to occur between them, I am genuinely most looking forward to them hugging again for the first time since the end of s3. That to me is going to be even more exciting than a kiss honestly (not saying I don't want a kiss but you know what I mean). And it's bc from a hug alone, I think we'll be able to tell that what's going on between them isn't platonic and that will in turn add so many layers to past seasons. I think it's also likely we'll get an almost kiss or two before the inevitable, and that would then make the slow-burn stretching until the end worth it, to me at least? Because just throwing them together never works when the formula has always been to hold off.

And that's also why the show has to end now. We can't have 6,8, 10 seasons of slow-burn, it would be exhausting. 5 seasons is the perfect amount. And having all of that angst and tension and heartache lead to a happy ending is going to make all of those moments in between that fans fought over for being critical of, sort of just dwindle to epic angst that was necessary to appreciate the happy ending.

#byler #byler ask #this was long but i hope i got the point across #basically i never allowed myself to believe byler until i was fully confident in it #it was never about shipping two characters simply bc it was a queer ship and i always get queer-baited or something #(nothing is wrong with getting queer-baited a lot either bc the problem is showrunners fucking with fans not the fans themselves)#it wasn't about holding onto said queer ship bc i can't let shit go #I never allowed myself to believe it until it was undeniable to me #byler not ending up together wouldn't make me heartbroken or lose sleep #i would just genuinely be confused bc the show would have prioritized building up byler for years all for nothing...#like it would just be the most anticlimatic ending #not only would the gays be pissed #but so would the ga that doesn't even like milkvan anymore and is just dying for something better to come along #but it is happening...#so i'm sat #i'm excited to see how it plays out #i'm excited to be surprised bc the st writers ALWAYS pleasantly surprise me #s4 is a great example of that #most pleasant surprise i have ever experienced #so i am looking forward for them to keep that streak going

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pickledpascal · 1 year ago

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Lover

Chapter Two: You Need to Calm Down

Warnings: was meant to be fluff kind of turned into a whump, drunk jensen/nesnej, sexual themes/jokes

Word Count: 3.7k

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Jensen never thought he'd have a bachelor party again. Well, to be fair, he never thought he'd be getting married again. And like most marriage traditions, a bachelor party was needed. However, he drew the line at strip clubs. Not only did he not need Avery thinking he was cheating on her in some capacity but Jensen truly had no desire to even look at other women besides his fiancée.

So, as Jensen's best man, Misha simply treated him to a hole-in-the-wall bar so he could get drunk out of his mind. Strangely, it was the same one Jensen came to with Avery. Andrés was manning the bar again.

About an hour into their little endeavor, Misha started to notice Nesnej was coming out. Jensen had been downing shots with Misha's encouragement while Josh and Mercer simply watched, amused. Whatever was in them—it was a tequila but Misha didn't know what kind—was strong because Jensen wasn't a lightweight. When he said he could drink like Dean, he wasn't lying.

Eventually, Jensen made his way onto the dancefloor where Rich and Rob were. They weren't exactly dancing, just talking with each other with a bit of a sway in their step so Jensen decided to join them. He stumbled a bit as he danced, not horribly, not enough for Misha or the rest of the guys to be concerned for him.

Then a song came on. Back On 74 by Jungle. Jensen's lip began to quiver. "Avery listens to this…" He started getting choked up, tears welling at the edges of his eyes.

"Woah, Jensen, buddy, what's up?" Rob patted his back when he noticed he looked sad. Not just sad. Devastated. "You alright?"

Jensen wiped at his eyes a little and shook his head. "I miss my wife," He whined in a light slur. "I wanna see her." Something about him being drunk made him feel sappy and immensely sad he was nowhere near his fiancée. "Can we go see her?"

"No, bud, I don't think we can." Rob said as gently as possible, rubbing his shoulder slightly.

As soon as the words left his mouth, Jensen broke down crying. His shoulder started to shake with his sobs and he almost dropped to his knees before Rob and Rich held onto him to keep him on his feet.

Misha came rushing over with Jacob and Josh behind him. "Woah, what the hell happened?" The bar was crowded enough they didn't bat an eye at a grown man breaking down crying.

"I want my wife." Jensen pouted, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

Misha swallowed. He didn’t want this night to be ruined just because Jensen was bawling his eyes out about how he couldn’t be near Avery. "Okay, uh, yeah. We can take you to her."

Like a switch, Jensen's eyes lit up. "Really?" He took a breath.

Jacob looked at Misha weirdly. The older man motioned for him to call his sister. Jacob pursed his lips and then sighed as he tried to find a more quiet place in the bar.

When Avery picked up the phone, it was after a couple tried and Jacob could hear a Beyoncé song on the other line. It was more muffled than he expected. She had to be in the bathroom or something. "Wassup, kid, having too much fun?" She asked. He could hear the smirk in her voice.

Avery and her friends were at a queer bar. It was Drag Race night so there were a lot of popular queens. Jacob couldn't blame her for not picking up at the first ring or even the third.

"Jensen's having… a moment," Jacob said, glancing back at Jensen. He looked to be on the verge of tears again.

Jacob could hear Avery shifting her phone to her other ear. "What kind of moment?"

"Well, uh," Jensen had made his way to the bar top with the help of Josh and Rob. Rich and Josh switched places. "Can we come to you? You'll be able to see."

"Woah, okay." He could hear the surprise in her voice. "Yeah, sure. But, um… can you tell me what's going on?"

Jacob shook his head with a laugh as he watched Jensen sob on Misha's shoulder. "He misses you. A lot."

Avery got off the phone with her brother a little after that and went back into the club. They had a booth near the stage. No one was up there at the moment, needing a little time between performers which gave a lot of other queers in the club a chance to dance.

"What happened?" Elena asked, taking a sip from a cherry-flavored mocktail.

"Jensen got royally hammered. And apparently was begging to see me to the point he started crying." Avery explained as she slipped back into the booth. She took a sip from her drink.

Tessa started laughing, shaking her head. She didn't imagine Jensen was that whipped on Avery but, then again, there were no words for the magnitude of how much Jensen was in love with her.

After a few minutes of talking among her friends, Avery spotted Jensen and the guys walking through the door. He was stumbling and mainly relied on Misha to stand upright. She had to stifle a laugh. Her first full glimpse of Nesnej. She'd seen glimpses of him almost tipsy but not to this extent.

As Jensen and Misha made their way to their booth, Jensen's eyes widened at the sight of Avery. "Who's that?" She could hear him whisper to Misha. Avery was surprised Jensen got this drunk. Enough for him to forget they were in a relationship. "Are you single?" He rasped.

"Uh, no. Not exactly." Avery answered, an amused smile on her lips.

Jensen's eyes started leaking with tears again. "You're not?" He sniffled, not even trying to fight the tears. Jay and Elena had a fit of giggles while Tessa threw her head back in a full laugh. Their other two friends, Maddie and Mackenzie were trying their hardest not to laugh.

"Yeah… I got a finacée." Avery smiled softly as Misha let Jensen fall into the booth next to her. "He's pretty cute," She wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Jensen involuntarily pushed his face into her shoulder, taking a deep breath of her body wash. She always smelled nice. This time, similar to how he would imagine a cactus fruit would smell. "Has the most gorgeous green eyes, symmetrical freckles, a nice beard." Avery brushed her knuckles against Jensen's jaw, feeling the scratchiness of his beard.

Jensen lifted his head. His brain took a moment to fully boot up as he thought about who that could be. "Is he… me?"

Avery chuckled and nodded. Jensen's eyes widened before he dove in for a kiss. Avery could taste the tequila on his lips. The kiss itself was sloppy and haphazard, bad enough that Avery had to pull away and wipe her mouth. He frowned at her, burying his head back in her shoulder.

"It's weird to see him so cuddly. Not to say he wasn't already but this is different." Mackenzie whispered to Tessa.

Elena heard and nodded at them. "Imagine having to basically live with them."

"Oh, yeah, they're insufferable sometimes." Jay agreed, shaking their head. "Oh, Avery I love you ever so much! I'm gonna take your cock so far down my throat!" They mocked, grabbing onto Elena as if she were Avery.

Tessa snorted, shaking her head while Mackenzie's mouth hung open. She was shocked but amused nonetheless.

Avery stared at them, giving them a death glare before her attention was captured by the lights in the club dimming. The stage was lit and out came Sasha Colby. Avery's eyes widened. She came out wearing some sort of jeweled bra and panty set that hugged her figure in all the right ways. Her hair was a fiery ginger color, long enough that it stopped just above her lower back.

Sasha Colby was one of Avery's first queer crushes. She partly blamed it on the fact that Sasha was a trans girl too.

Feeling compelled, Avery climbed over Jensen to get a spot nearer to the stage. The man went to stand to follow her, reaching a hand out but was immediately pushed back down by Josh's hand. "You can barely stand, man." He then motioned for Mackenzie to grab some water for their brother. She nodded and went to the bar.

Jensen pouted as he watched Avery have a religious experience. He wanted to be the object of her affection. All the time. He wanted her touch, gentle and careful across his skin. The way her thumb brushed against his cheek, tracing his freckles. Or how she'd hook her finger under his chin for a kiss. It was able to bring out parts of him he hadn't thought were possible before.

Seemingly, Sasha noticed her immediately among the other queers in the front of her. All of them were screaming and clamoring for her attention while she danced. Sasha touched Avery's face, lip-syncing straight to her.

Taste me, drink my soul

Show me all the things that I shouldn't know

When there's a blue moon on the rise

It felt like everything and everyone else had just melted away. And then Sasha planted a kiss to Avery's forehead and, just like that, she was gone. Onto the rest of the performance. Avery's knees felt weak and she tried her best to keep herself standing. Religious experience? More like she reached Nirvana and her spirit was taken out of her body before it was thrust back inside.

—---

Dealing with a drunk Jensen proved to be a lot. Avery was glad Elena had driven and was sober so they could be driven home. Jensen had his hands all over Avery on the drive back to their apartment as well as on the elevator ride. He tried kissing at her neck once they were inside their apartment but his coordination was off to the point Avery could easily push him off.

"C'mon, honey, you need a bath." Avery hoisted Jensen up, holding his waist against her side as she guided him into the bathroom. For quite the big guy, he was slippery when he wanted to be.

Jensen pouted. "Sweetheart," He whined as Avery set him on the closed toilet seat. "I don't need a bath."

"You smell like tequila and you need to get a little sober before bed." Avery countered, brushing a hand through his hair which he immediately leaned into. Was she like this when she was drunk? Jensen hadn't said much about her little stunt at graduation, just that he helped her into bed for the night. "Now, I'm gonna run the water then help you get undressed. Okay?"

Jensen bit the inside of his cheek with disappointment but nodded. "You're so pretty…" He sighed, watching as Avery rolled up her sleeves and twisted the knob on the shower.

Avery couldn't help the smile that made it onto her lips. Years ago—maybe even just last year—hearing that from Jensen would've made her collapse. She turned to face Jensen again and pressed a kiss to his forehead, cupping his face. "You're pretty, too." She started to slide her hands down to the buttons of his shirt and began to undo them.

"You think so?" Jensen's voice wasn't teasing, it was fond and a bit hopeful. Something about what happened back at the club made his drunk mind jealous. Jealous that Avery would rather be with Sasha than him.

Avery stopped fiddling with the buttons once they were all undone. "Of course I do." She looked into his eyes, seeing something she didn't like. Her eyebrows furrowed. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"I-I dunno," Jensen glanced down at his lap, his voice shaky. He tried to push whatever he felt down but he felt another wave of tears coming on. Avery tilted his head up to look at her and he crumbled. "W-Would you rather be with a girl than me?"

Avery blinked. Maybe she was a bit too into Sasha but it was Sasha Colby. She couldn't help the way she felt in the moment but that was nothing compared to what she felt every day with Jensen. "No, no, no, Jensen. Of course not. I like girls and I like Sasha but I don't know her. Not like I know you." Avery caressed Jensen's cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. "You're special to me, honey. You're so sweet and gentle like… I don't know, a bear or something. You're beautiful, too. I love you so much. So much. Sometimes I feel like my chest might explode." She admitted softly, pursing her lips.

"Look at me, please," Avery whispered. Jensen complied. His eyes fluttered open to meet hers, jaw clenching slightly. "You know I love you, right? I was just a bit starstruck. You are the only person I want to get married to. The only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. You being a guy or girl doesn't fucking matter. You know that?"

Jensen swallowed thickly and nodded. He knew that but there was a part of him, the sober him that wondered that very thing from time to time. But it was put to rest. Avery frowned as she pulled him close, holding the back of his head. He breathed her in, wrapping his arms around her body as he squeezed her tight.

"I know," Jensen sighed softly, more as confirmation to himself. "I know."

Avery pulled away slightly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Help me get your clothes off?" She asked gently as Jensen let her go. "You'll feel a lot better when you're clean and in bed."

Jensen gave her a nod as he pushed his shirt off his shoulders while Avery unbuckled his pants and pushed them off. She left him to take off his socks and boxers while she felt for the temperature of the water. A crisp, warm temperature. Exactly what Jensen needed.

"You want any bath bombs or anything?" Avery glanced behind her. She had a few underneath the sink but she couldn't recall exactly where they were.

"No," Jensen murmured as he stepped inside the tub and sat down. Avery held a hand out in case he accidentally tripped. But he seemed to slowly be coming back into a normal headspace. "Well… maybe." He admitted. "Uh, honey and saguaro is nice."

Avery's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She didn't have a honey and saguaro bath bomb or bath salts. Then she saw the body wash sitting on the side of the tub opposite to her. Her body wash. Specifically, the one she used today. She smiled softly. Jensen wanted to smell like her.

"Okay, how about I shampoo and condition your hair first then body wash? Hm?" Avery leaned over the side of the tub and gave Jensen a small smile.

Jensen tipped his head in her direction and stared at her. "Yeah, okay." The idea of her hands in his hair sounded amazing and his tone reflected that.

He adjusted his position in the tub so Avery could massage the shampoo into his hair. Yet again, Jensen chose Avery's shampoo instead of his own. She'd run out of it every few months because of the length of her hair so she'd change up the scent. This time it was sweet peach and nectar. Before that, it was citrus and herbal musk. They never smelled particularly masculine or feminine. They just smelled nice. A lot better than whatever he bought. Overly manly with notes of bourbon and firewood. Jensen couldn't remember the name of it.

He needed to switch over to Avery's brand. Nearly every hygiene product she owned was from the same company. Shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, sunscreen, facial cleanser—hell, even her toothpaste.

"I love you." Jensen mumbled as Avery washed the shampoo out of his hair. She grabbed the removable shower head and tried to make sure there wasn't a drop left of foam. The touch calmed him, almost to the point of falling asleep.

Avery set the shower head back in its place and pressed a kiss to Jensen's cheek. "I love you too."

Jensen lifted an arm out of the tub and cupped her cheek. "You're so…" He tried to think of the right words. "Beautiful. Patient. Loving…" That sounded about right. "I can't imagine life without you anymore." He breathed.

Avery pressed a kiss to Jensen's palm, grabbing his arm to set it back down. "Me neither." She began to work her conditioner into his hair.

The massage felt pretty nice. Not as good as when it was on his scalp but Avery was adamant about conditioner only going on the end of a person's hair, not all over. Jensen couldn't argue, he did the same thing. And was a little too drunk to argue anyway.

"I don't understand," Jensen mumbled.

"Understand what?" Avery asked softly, letting the conditioner sit for a few minutes.

Jensen glanced at Avery. "Why do you treat me… like this? Like…" He pursed his lips. That intoxicated brain of his was opening up but it was also hard for him to speak properly or even think of any words longer than a couple of letters. "L-Like I'm delicate. Like I-I need to be pampered." It wasn't a bad thing by any means but Jensen hadn't had a relationship like that before. Where, in most intimate cases, he was the one getting spoiled. Getting shown so much love that he didn't know what to do with it.

"I think you deserve it." Avery shrugged. "And, I dunno, I guess I like doing it." It was that simple.

She liked doing it. Jensen pushed the palm of his hand to his nose as he sniffled. "I'm just crying a lot tonight, huh?" He tried to joke. His brain was a little fuzzy from before but something in his body knew this wasn't the first time.

"It's good to let go sometimes." Avery hummed, leaning her head against Jensen's. She didn't care that he was wet, just that he felt some semblance of comfort. "Crying is a release. I mean, I think we all deserve a good cry every now and then."

Jensen chuckled softly, the water sloshing slightly as his body moved with the laugh. "You're weirdly wise for someone so young." Sometimes, Jensen thought this was all fate. That he was going to learn more about life and himself from someone so much younger than him.

Avery had lived such an interesting and, quite frankly, scarring life in such a small amount of time, and yet she was more or less unscathed. She had her moments. Moments of breaking down and crying and wondering why she couldn't have parents who loved her. Parents who, at the very least, thought she was wonderful. Maybe then she would've been good enough. But then she'd take a look around at the life she built. All by herself. Elena, Jacob, Nate, Mercer, Jay, and Sammy were her family. No one else was. They made her life complete.

And then Jensen appeared in her life and made that little family a little bigger. A lot bigger. Now Avery had Misha, Felicia, Ruth, Rob, and Rich.

After Jensen was properly cleaned and dressed, Avery set him in bed. He was surprised when she was able to pick him up in the first place. That muscle wasn't just for show apparently. She lifted the covers over Jensen's body and smiled a little when he grabbed one of her fluffier blankets to have as well. He looked up at Avery as she got undressed for the night.

"You're way too adorable to be forty-five." Avery commented as she got in bed next to Jensen. His hair was dry but it stuck up in all different directions, adding to her comment.

Jensen pushed his face into her chest, appreciating the extra cushion for his head. "Thanks." Avery let out a laugh as she wrapped her arms around him. He had quite the night and she wouldn't deny him some extra comfort.

Minutes passed before Jensen spoke up again. Avery thought he'd gone to sleep since his breathing slowed but maybe he was just calm. "I can't believe I'm marrying you." He mumbled. Avery couldn't either. "You're the first person who I'd ever… After the divorce." Instead of alcohol, his brain got fuzzy from sleep.

"I know, honey. I know." Avery pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

She knew some details of Jensen's divorce but not many. Just that they settled on it together and that he had quite a hard time finding anyone afterward—she knew that from Misha. He was strictly single for two years—as far as Avery knew, Jensen hadn't had any one-night stands or flings—before they met. She also knew that time was a bit hard for Jensen. He had Danneel nearly every day of his life for years and that was suddenly just gone.

Avery hadn't had a romantic relationship that lasted that long before but she imagined how it would feel if Elena and her just stopped being friends all of a sudden. She'd miss her. Miss the kind of relationship she had with her and feel like she'd never have anything like that again.

But Jensen met her. And everything felt okay again. More than okay. It was amazing.

"I can't believe it either." Avery whispered, looking up at the ceiling. Her life looked drastically different. More in the past few months than the last few years. And not all of it was due to Jensen.

Well, a lot of it. Her book sales were steady because he phoned in quite a few friends.

Jensen nuzzled underneath Avery's jaw. "You're gonna be my wife." He said it in a dreamy tone that made her heart flutter. Then it'd be true when he said it to someone else rather than a slip of his tongue.

"And you're gonna be my husband." Avery brushed her hand through his hair. It was still a little damp.

"Yeah." Jensen sighed happily.

------

taglist: @nancymcl

taglist open here !!

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your-pal-nebula · 11 months ago

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Currently thinking about what I like to call my "queer discovery phase" from when I was 10-11

It's pretty self-explanatory, I started identifying as queer and was learning about different sexualities and gender identities online. And every time my reaction was something along the lines of "YOOO THAT'S SIIIIIIICCCCCCKKKK"

"So... genderfluid. Your gender changes over time? Wow, that's cool, you're like a shape-shifter. Bigender? You're both male and female at once? HOLY SHIT THAT'S SO INTERESTING AND COOL OF YOU! Pansexuality? Omnisexuality? You're telling me bisexuality is a spectrum? Oh wow, that's good to know. Demigirls? Demiboys? Oh, now THAT'S neat. Wait... panromantic? What's that? Asexual people can still feel romantic attraction? Not all ace people are aro and not all aros are ace? Woah, that's interesting!"

So like. To all multigender, ace, genderfluid, enby, bi lesbains, any of the other identities listed, anybody who's been told their identity isn't valid/doesn't exist, xenogenders, neoprounoun users, all you "weird" queer people: my past 10yo self is looking at you, beaming, and telling you how cool and interesting your gender identity and sexuality are.

#queer #wholesome

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woomycritiques543 · 2 years ago

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I saw your take on vivziepop and I was like woah what the heck Viv? I am a Black asian Non Binary trans person I wanted to ask some questions only another non binary person can answer. one I can get more advice on especially for my mental health as a trans enby because it's been bothering me a lot.

Why do people love to erase us nonbinary and trans folk? Why do they love disrespecting us? Seeing the posts and evidence against Viv makes me super upset that I feel like I'm basically not allowed to exist as a trans nonbinary person. Or that were not allowed to exist as human beings because we keep on being erased. I didn't know Viv would take it this far by Erasing a Clearly trans character in the show for queer people. Does Viv hate nonbinary people too? Because I don't see a damn enby character anywhere at All! For a queer show runner she should stay consistent! But she's not! There was actually a horrible person on Twitter somewhere that said you can only be non binary if you are intersex??? Which doesn't make sense to me at all because it's different!? I... I'm super offended by Viv and people disrespecting us. I am non binary and trans so that's that! I will never be erased!

Im cis, but I am ok with being referred to with different pronouns besides "He" and "It" since im not comfortable with those. But to answer your question, there is a freind I know who is nonbinary, so I decided to ask for their say, and this was his response:

"I understand the frustration. Personally it makes me upset to see in Helluva Boss's case that Viv can have gnc queer men as jokes, and the one trans character we get has 3 lines and tons of merch making it feel like we're only valued as something to sell.

Let alone it hurts to see characters like Moxxie are treated like jokes for being gnc when for me it feels like Im being told there's something wrong with people i know who are gnc. Or like me who considers themselves trans masc but has long hair and isnt passing.

I want to think Viv means well, I really do, at the same time I'm not gonna pretend she didn't have a trans masc character who in the show was now a cis and only gave her trans woman character 3 lines and then sold a ton of merch of her in a way that feels even more unpleasant seeing that a character who was intended to be trans masc was made to be cis.

Viv can say she hates terfs, but she actively supported terfs in the past and hating terfs doesnt mean youre normal around trans people.

I think when we face things like this its all the more important to be vocal about it. Not just the times things are mishandled and how and why but when they're good as well. It can be great we have a trans girl character, but it doesnt feel as great when you erase another trans character and seem to only use said trans woman character to sell merch. It borders on performative especially because Viv is indie and has far more control than most people.

Im not sure if that covers enough but lemme know!"

-from, (will only send the blog with permission.)

DISCLAIMER:

CIS FANS, DO NOT DERAIL THIS POST.

THIS IS FROM A TRANS PRESPECTIVE SO DO NOT ARGUE OR DERAIL!

#helluva boss #transgender #trans representation #the trans community #helluva boss criticism

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ofallplaceswhythis · 8 months ago

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tcoptp thoughts pt.8

shit lily's crying. shit she's fighting. shit shes angry. understandable

HOLY FUCKING SHIT PLOT TWIST SUNFLOWER GOT REVEALED

holy fuck what the hell is happening i love it

im actually so jealous of sirius and his presents

the girls got their revenge and i fully support them

nvm the family angst is back <3333

woah woah woah is remus, feeling jealousy??

'nothing can break my heart' are you trying to torture me????

ive known chastity for 5 lines but she already sounds annoying

yayyy they are learning to communicate finally <333

marlene's character doesnt really get developed in most fics so im happy that they are focusing on her in this one :))

god i love marlene with all my heart

i mean- i dont ship marlene x remus but this is SO CUTE

'not all of us can speak in lyric' remus, my guy

noo everything involving regulus in this fic ends up destroying me can we not?

did they not consider that they might smell too??

hey remus has anyone told you that what you think about is not what straight guys think about

remus is acknowledging his queer panic cause by sirius's stomach! yay!

sunflower angst is rare but it can stab you in the gut :D

fuck you bryan how about you have an original opinion of your own before criticizing the the tastes to others.

remus and marls <33 marls being pan is smt ive never seen but <3

remus and sirius have a friendship bracelet yessssss

OH FUCK YOU TOO SNAPE NOBODY LIKES YOU GREASY HAIRED HAG

remus and marls are cute but i dont ship them and i also dont think that marlene is getting that much character development

#the cadence of part time poets #sirius black #remus lupin #lily evans #marlene mckinnon

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yuzuwakano · 9 months ago

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Kiyora Jin didn't talk to people, it wasn't his forte. In his time in Blue Lock he hadn't managed to meet anyone he would really call a friend. There were a few that got close, but seeing them with their real friends, it was obvious he wasn't one of them. So now, standing at the bus stop at a random parking lot waiting for his parents to pick him up, he stood a safe distance away from the others. The sun was going down, and was starting to burn his eyes but still, with the crowd that was under the shaded area, Jin stayed standing.

Some of the Blue Lockers had opted to walk to a local train station and others managed to be close enough to walk, but as time went on, one after another cars pulled up. Parents wrapped their kids in hugs and pulled their luggage into the trunk, some waited around, meeting some of their kids' friends and chatting with Anri and other parents.

Suddenly, off in the distance he heard it. Alanis Morrisette’s Jagged Little Pill. His moms favorite album of all time. It was far, around the corner somewhere, but not once in his 17 years did he ever think he'd be grateful to hear the white woman's confusing lyrics being belted at the top of his mothers lungs. Looking around it looked like the others had heard it too, glancing in the direction and then back to their conversation when they didn't see anything. It took a moment but finally his family's van turned the corner, windows down, blaring the music that he had hated for the last 15 years of his life. Jin let out a sigh of relief upon seeing his parents' faces through the front window.

Any relief he had though, vanished as soon as the car got closer and his older brother rolled down the backseat window, and started leaning out, hands gripping on the door. “WOAH! Jin I knew ‘ya were a queer, but a whole 3 months with nothin’ but men?! Was ‘ya all dudes school not enough?!” His brother let out a fit of laughs upon seeing his younger brother's embarrassed face, falling back in his seat as his mother scolded him. The car wrapped around the lot again before parking in front of him, why couldn't you do that the first time? The passenger's seat door flew open and his mother practically jumped out, dontdoitdontdoitdontdoit, “Jin-bear!” his mother pulled him into a hug squeezing him so tightly his arms hurt when she pulled away. He could feel the other Blue Lockers staring but he didn't dare look to see if it was them making fun of him or not.

Anri swiftly got his mother away to sign some paper and tell her about when Jin would have to be back and Jin watched in horror as his older brother got out of the backseat. Mocking his mothers stance he stood arms open with a fake pout on his face, “Jin-bear!” As fast as it had come, the pout was replaced with a mischievous grin as he darted forward. Jin had attempted to run, successfully turning around but his brother had already wrapped an arm around him, locking him in a headlock and rubbing his knuckles into his hair. Suddenly his younger brother was in front of him punching into his stomach spewing some line from an anime he had been watching. He couldn't fight much against his older brother, but his younger brother was a piece of cake.

“You little-” Jin's arms reached out in front of him grabbing his younger brother's head on both sides. “Air control! Engine down! Emergency landing!” He gave his brother just enough time to react, a confused “what?” before he started making airplane noises and forcing his brother's head to the side and eventually pushing him down and onto the grass.

“Oh! Ho-ho-ho! Jin-bear got strong! What? Ya tired of the other kids ruffing ya up? Here” his older brother, Sakusa, let him go and presented himself in front of him. “Punch me in the stomach!”

Smiling, Jin backed up then threw his fist into his brother's gut as hard as he could, praying that his time in Blue Lock had given him a noticeable difference, and it had. Sakusa yelled out in pain, folding forward holding his gut, “Ahh… Fuck… You…”

Jin and Hiro, Jin's younger brother who was still laying in the grass, laughed at him. “That's what ya get for tearing my homework!” Hiro shouted, finally getting up.

If they weren't before the other Blue Lockers were definitely staring now. What a sight, the one kid that hadn’t spoken more than 2 words for the whole program, hand smiled the whole time, and definitely hadn't laughed was roughhousing with his brothers and laughing his ass off while doing it. What a sight.

Finally turning he heard his mother say something along the lines of “boys will be boys,” with Anri nodding along. Hearing the trunk close he realized his father had managed to put his bags in the trunk while he was beating up his brothers, “Boys! That's Enough! Get in!”

Piling in, Jin didn't bother looking back at the group, at least not after seeing the bag of snacks waiting for him in the back seat. He didn't care about any of them really, not in the way he cared for the bag of gummy bears and grape lollipops that were waiting to be eaten. With his mother waving goodbye to Anri, they pulled into drive before jin had managed to put his seatbelt on, although with how tight he was squeezed between Sakusa and Hiros' carseat it didn't make much of a difference.

“Jin, what do you want for dinner?” his father looked back at him in their rearview mirror. “Mcdonalds!” his older brother answered for him. “Jin,” his father repeated with more emphasis, “what do you want for dinner?”

“Jin, say Mcdonalds.”

“Taco Bell.”

“You are not being serious.”

“Taco Bell it is!”

“You are not being serious! Last time I got Taco Bell I barfed!”

Jin smiled and popped a gummy bear into his mouth, “lick it up,” earning a “you disgust me” from Sakusa.

As the drive went on Jin found himself happy that he was home, not physically, of course but with his family. The only people he let in. As he lied to Hiro about how they taze you if you made a mistake and kill you if you lost a memory popped into his head. All the times Sakusa lied to him as a kid, telling him about his grandparents house being haunted and the school having a secret floor, and all the times Sakusa didn't lie, like telling him what “a big farm far away” really meant for their dog. And the one time Sakusa had a heart to heart with him before he left for College, half apologizing as he sat on Jin's bed, but following it up with “it's what brothers do.”

thank you for reading! :D i hope you enjoyed!

#blue lock #kiyora jin #bllk

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forabeatofadrum · 2 years ago

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It’s goddamn Sunday. Thank you @artsyunderstudy and @whogaveyoupermission for the tag and hi @facewithoutheart I saw your post as well!

It’s the first Sunday of the month. Woah. Time flies. I got my two months notice from the place I work at. Everything happens so fast.

You know what isn’t happening, though? Writing. And reading, actually. I seem to be in a reading slump as well and I see the “timer” on my library site ticking down so oof I gotta read those ten books. To compare: I finished the five Heroes of Olympus books in 3 days, the five Trials of Apollo books in 5 days, and right now I’ve already spent two weeks on the 3 Magnus Chase books and I am only at the beginning of the third one. I like them as much as the others, but I just don’t feel like reading. This is also why I haven’t posted a Fic Rec Friday in 2 weeks, although I did catch up with For this Day, For this Moment, a Torchwood fic I’m following.

Writing wise, I have so many Thoughts but again when I am writing these days (and reading, for that matter) it’s all for my thesis. But I do have one more gift from the fic line game left, namely the one for @cerriddwenluna. Have six sentences of that:

Santana covertly nods towards Eyebrows.

“Talk to him.”

Kurt hesitates. Eyebrows looks like he doesn’t want to be bothered. Kurt tells Santana that, but she rolls her eyes.

“He’s gone to a public diner and you’re his waiter,” she points out.

Tagging @quizasvivamos @blurglesmurfklaine @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @takitalks @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @ionlydrinkhotwater @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @cutestkilla @nausikaaa/@wellbelesbian @martsonmars @shrekgogurt @boyinjeans

#six sentence sunday #tagged in

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seoafin · 1 year ago

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Hello Morgan :) I just read chapters 1 & 2 of Dog days are over and .. xhsbacbksdjcb it was so good I have become incoherent. hence why - -- hhhh .... when i .. when he- when. they. hhh .. .... when- the mc- ....

Wah, I can't even find the words to describe how enamoured I am of it. Stsg? ? Forget about them .. Who are they anyways. Irrelevant. I am instead giving you and rip!mc flowers (if you want them, or any little gift you want!) .. Mc .. she deserves the world. i mean these three words, i do. Stsg are so annoying honestly. I would fall for her face first. The way you do with that one high school friend you have a very queer friendship with .. oddly specific but yeah I love her sm LMAOO. And you !! You deserve to get *all* the love you put in your works back tenfold and more for your wonderful writing, Morgan!!

I have already sent a few asks full of compliments on anon but tbh I would repeat what I said word by word as many times as it's needed. This fic alone is a lot of work from all points of view, and I want to let you know I personally am grateful for the chance to read it .. It's enriching (I hope this is an actual english word lol) and it's pleasant to read; the universe you created is vibrant .. realistic as in immersive and (sometimes painfully) relatable, especially the mc - she feels so human and I think I can say I relate and have related to her, which is a little sad - but reading it also feels comforting (i believe that truly is the unifying potential of fanfic and writing in general).

There are so many things i could say about these two chapters but i think i'll leave them for AO3 comments (didn't someone say tumblr asks are temporary but ao3 comments are permanent?). Rn I just want to focus on how beautifully outlined rip!mc's feelings are. The loneliness .. The image of a single mother and her kid in her apartment .. Her thinking about her future (woah, that one hurt. in a good way though) and the prospect of being left behind .. I've been going through quite strange times (& writing sad stuff? idk why it is, is it the strange weather?) so that passage was kind of the nail in the coffin, the final blow for me - but in a good, cathartic way, i promise!! (also. i loved "nail in the coffin" - i hope i got the title right. it did something to me. my dirty mind couldn't stop thinking about the way geto stole mc's panties mainly because i have too many [redacted] geto thoughts and that includes panty taking. but this is just a side note.) (and gojo. the leash line. i think, in that, me and mc are different because i would've said yes in the blink of an eye - yeah that's concerning of me but everyone has their flaws right??. lol. the "what do you want" "everything" exchange. i don't think i'll ever recover. in a good way).

When i find something i like this much I think I'd need a 10k word frame minimum to analyze and dissect it over and over .. so I'll stop rambling for everyone's safety 😂. But yeah, I hope this silly comment gives you back even an ounce of the warmth your writing gives me (& i'm sure i'm not the only one)!! and please don't feel obligated at all to respond to this. I just really wanted to say these things :)). i hope you have a good day !

hi friend!!!!! can i just say how much i was smiling reading this because i was SMILING so hard my friend thought i was texting a man (as if please lmfao) everyone being so nice and encouraging about this fic is going to make me cry. like i was not kidding when i said that this fic was loved into existence because i had no intention of actually writing an actual fic for them!!! but im doing it!!! because everyone is so enthusiastic about it!!! im glad u and many others enjoy rip!mc because the amount of self sabotage in this fic....i need to endear her to everyone LOL

this ask gave me so much serotonin never apologize for sending it in!!!!! if anything have me back warmth and happiness in SPADES. thank you so so soo much for reading <3333 i hope u have such an amazing wonderful bright day 😭😭😭 once again i am so touched that you liked the fic enough to write me this wonderful ask 😭😭😭

#AHHHHH screaming!!!!! never getting over this. im going to kiss you.#also geto fuckers are going to get FED im so excited for the geto scenes ive been writing chapters in nonchronological order HA #:)))))))))#long post #ddao.fb

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moonssugar · 1 month ago

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❓🗑️ ©️

pía omg hi!!! yipee

❓️estranged family members theyve never met

sam has a uncle who is nicknamed roswell (like the location in new mexico noted for its ufo sightings and i havent chosen his actual name yet) that he has only met one time. the reason for this is that raúl went no contact with his family (originally from from nevada) before going to college in california where he eventually meets sola. his parents were abusive and his siblings left first meaning he was the last to escape. he only had brief re contact with roswell and he decided once again he's not someone he likes even if they are brothers. the nickname roswell is something their father gave him to basically imply that he's strange, raúl isnt too enamored to know he's still using it. roswell also didn't react well to finding out raúl was queer (bi) so all the more reason to keep him away from his family and his son. when sam met him (unplanned) he didn't like him either

🗑 its complicated

whatever the fuck chelsie and aubry have going on. like they have this mutual crush? its inconsequential?? they start off as frenemies but then shit hits the fan a few times and bonding happens. at two different points they have to bandage each other up from bad injuries and its very intimate??? aubry has to go through mental hurdle 1: that she can like girls at all and also mental hurdle 2: that she likes girls period. which means other girls too. but aubry also loves fatima and feels conflicted about it because shes convinced She Can't Do That?? (blame evangelical upbringing for this). the topic comes up and chelsie is like "you know being gay means you can find other girls attractive right" (theyre talking about a completely different girl they saw in passing here) and aubry's mind is blown by that!! shes like woah so that doesnt make me a bad person? and chelsie is like yes youre literally gay we established this already. then aubry is like okay liking girls is okay! finding girls cute is normal. then she starts finding chelsie cute and freaks out all over again. to make it even crazier they end up seeing each other reflected in how they relate to liking girls and how thats hard for them because they both feel wrong or predatory in some way for it and that makes loving people or having relationships really fucking hard. they both have a "why do i feel like a creep for finding a girl pretty?" and its for very queer and very internalized shit reasons. lesbians 🤝 transfems feeling wrong for being the wrong type of girl while liking girls

bonus: whatever the fuck opal and ori have going on as well??? this one needs its own post

extra bonus: what sam and chelsie have going on. yall should've kissed EONS ago i just don't know where to put it in the story. how are yall this close but havent acknowledged their feelings is a mystery but i love all their close moments so much and its nice when people can just exist like that without having to draw lines and determine exactly what this is yet

©️ random npc: theres this local artist guy that sam loves, he's in his sixties and they like to share art ideas whenever theres a artist meetup. sam might have a crush on him and really admires his work

#ask game #lune writes #thanks for the ask i love infodumping about them

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juniperkinglet · 1 year ago

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📕Who is your all-time favorite author, and what makes their writing so special to you?

🔖What quote from a book resonated with you deeply?

ty for asking!! (this got long oop)

Who is your all-time favorite author, and what makes their writing so special to you?

Oooooh it's hard to say... For many of my favorite books, I haven't gotten around to reading more from their authors, or those authors haven't published anything else. I do have a few current contenders though!

First is Lee Mandelo, author of Summer Sons. I entirely credit that book for getting me back into reading after many long years. I genuinely didn't know books like this could be published; books that delve into grief and depression in such a relatable way, into themes like toxic masculinity and classism from a queer & trans perspective, into protagonists who are far from heroes but are still treated as humans worthy of love and second chances. All featuring a lyrical gothic prose in line with the way I process my surroundings. Absolutely blew my mind, and made me feel like I wasn't alone during a very lonely period. And I wouldn't have heard of aftg or made this tumblr without it!

Second is horror writer Poppy Z. Brite (now Billy Martin). I just started reading his work, most of which was written in the 80s and 90s. I got a collection of his short stories that tore my entire heart out of my chest and spat on it (affectionate[??]), and then immediately bought two more of his books lmao. Currently working through Lost Souls. His writing and its themes are deeply disturbing in a visceral way that I wouldn't recommend to most people, and only with the disclaimer of... basically every content warning you can imagine. Not a gentle intro to horror!

I like the way his stories challenge me, even if it's a kind of challenging I can't take very often. I love his prose (more of that lyrical goth shit I adore). And I admire how, in many of those short stories in that first book, I would hope deeply for a happy ending for characters I'd just met, and was never any less shocked and devastated when I didn't get it. That takes skill.

Third is Pia Foxhall, aka not-poignant on tumblr. I had no idea how much their writing would affect me when I first stumbled across it, like... woah. And most of it uploaded completely for free on ao3!! (I did buy one of his romance novels, but since I'm not much of a romance enjoyer, it didn't grip me as much as his other work.)

The first story I read of theirs, and my all-time favorite, was Falling Falling Stars. I read half a million words of it in three days (not recommended) (canceled all weekend plans) (barely ate or slept) (don't regret but would not repeat). It was my first time reading a POV character who also had OCD and debilitating intrusive thoughts, and I can't explain how much that meant to me. Spending all those words with him ended up making me a much kinder person, to others and to myself. I had major shifts in my view of the world and humanity, all for the better, thanks to that story.

is my author type "transmasc dark fiction writer of deeply flawed queer protags that make me rethink my entire outlook on life"?? maybe so!

What quote from a book resonated with you deeply?

this is sooooooo hard there are so many!!! i'll limit myself to two.

"...Steve's even breathing, the breathing of a man at peace with himself and at truce with the world." -- from Angels by Poppy Z. Brite

It may not seem like a super hard-hitting quote, but it was for me. I gasped out loud and just stared at it for a long while before continuing on. That has become my goal in life. The world is a scary place, for everyone and especially minorities, and I struggle with so much bad brain stuff every day. Loving myself and the world is just too lofty of a goal that's always felt impossible for me. But being at peace with myself, and at truce with the world? That's attainable. I could get there, and it would be enough.

and then an aftg banger:

“Your parents are dead, you are not fine, and nothing is going to be okay. This is not news to you. But from now until May you are still Neil Josten and I am still the man who said he would keep you alive.”

So many lines to go crazy over in this series, but this is the one that always gets me. There's something oddly beautiful and comforting about hearing a character straight up say "Everything is awful and you won't get a happy ending, we both know that. But I'm going to protect you for as long as I can anyway."

It just gets me!! Even though Neil did get a happy ending, it certainly never looked like he would. And I love that Andrew stuck with Neil throughout all that, and didn't give him false platitudes or pretend his situation wasn't awful. It was all kinds of awful, and Andrew was someone with whom Neil could be honest about that, when he couldn't be honest about anything else.

#these questions are sparking my autism hardcore

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something-lemonade · 6 months ago

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I also didn't like how they sort of swept it under the rug in favor of giving her a partner, it's an eh sort of situation like 'woah Marvel good job you nailed asexuality!' But also 'hey underline aromantic lines too please!'

I'm sure they did this so they could still give her a partner like they did, but it's kinda off-putting to disclude the aromanticism

Im actually a huge marvel fan and I try to do a lot of research on queer heroes simply becuase it makes me feel all fuzzy to see a trans hero or aroace hero or gay hero, I'll probably continue to do that and hopefully they'll make queer main characters for their movies one day [considering their association with disney? It's gonna be subtle when they do]

I also absolutely believe they should further expand on Gwenpool's aromantic side of aroace more in future comics

This means a lot to me

Aroace queen

I love that she's aware she exists within marvel

I love that she openly breaks the 4rth wall

She's lovely

#asexual #aroace #aromantic #gwenpool #marvel

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tsukiyadori · 2 years ago

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Tsubaki: It would be a type of "like" with no sex, you know? Are you okay with that?! Hiiragi: I'm fine even with none. Fudanshi Kazoku chapter 34.3

OMFG!!!!!!

Did Tsubaki basically just say he was ace???

And asking Hiiragi out for basically a romantic-only relationship???

He totally did???

Using entirely non-queer language and still getting the point across?

WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH!! ohmygosh!!!!!

takes a deep breath

Short break from loosing my mind for a summary: Tsubaki calls Hiiragi out for talking things out. Goes straight to the point that when Hiiragi confessed, he misunderstood it and thought it was a coming out to liking BL. Confesses that he didn't like Hiiragi in a sexually-romantic way, it was just a "like" as in with friends. He should have clarified that at once, but thought it was hard to say out, but realized this couldn't go on, so that's why the break up happened at the year end party. Apologizes for what self-indulgent thing he's going to say after breaking up like that, but

I might not be able like you the way you like me, but I want to be with you forever.

Tsubaki: Wouldn't you become 「family」 with me? Hiiragi: … 「Family」 means….? Tsubaki: Eh, ah, is it strange after all…?

Tsubaki: Erm… Within the half year we've been together… I think I came to… "like" you. But it's not a "like" in the sexual sense [eros], but that being said it also hasn't the nuance of a friendship. My "like" is like Katsura: You know, I like being with you. It's fun, it's interesting, it makes me super happy. (sfx: And therefore see) If we became family we could be always together right? Being together and being happy, isn't that convenient/just about right? Tsubaki: Being together forever, like family, it's… a "like" like that. Hiiragi: … … Couldn't that already be considered the same sort of "like" as mine? Tsubaki: I-It's not the same!!

Tsubaki: It would be a type of "like" with no sex, you know? Are you okay with that?! Hiiragi: I'm fine even with none. If it's a "like" that's about wanting to be together with the one you like, no matter who says what, it's the same as mine. Besides the one I like is telling me he "likes" me and even wants to "become family"… That's just like a proposal you know, Saotome-san. Tsubaki: …

Tsubaki: H-He's right. This is almost like a proposal. Hiiragi: Then… I'm looking forward to dating as "family". Tsubaki: Eh, ah, right. Lo-Looking forward to it, too. Did Katsura-chan [propose] to me with such feelings, too? sfx: no… I see… was that so? Hiiragi: By the way Is a kiss within the bounds of "family"? Tsubaki: ?! Hiiragi: Due to the influence of my grandmother, we often kiss for a greeting… Sign: Quarter [foreigner] Hiiragi: Are you fine with the sense of values of my "family"? Tsubaki: Thi---- This is something that needs further elaboration!! Narrator: And there was Tsubaki, who thought that the definition of "family" was something that needed to be compared and aligned.

Side note: すり合わせ is used in that last line.

Do I love what a clean, concise short word this is Japanese as opposed to in English? Absolutely.

Ok, that was basically almost an entire translation, but lemme just loose my brains over this all.

Katsura and Tsubaki: Actually confirmed most queerplatonic thing ever that I've seen. (Next to Nagiko no Hanashi, but FK is a much happier one.)

But there is still a clear visible difference between Katsura vs. Tsubaki and Tsubaki vs. Hiiragi. The way he acts around Hiiragi all crush-styled with blushings and embarrassments is very clearly romantically coded. Tsubaki and Katsura had none of that.

Tsubaki still being confused and wondering if that's what Katsura felt at the time (clearly not, but it's the next best thing he can reference)

Tsubaki basically as good as declaring he's ace.

Also clearly saying what this means in terms of his expectations and wants from this relationship.

Hiiragi saying he's fine with that.

And that it's the same for him? (What are the flopping odds.)

Openly directly talking about the boundaries of what is okay to do with each other?

Whilst even adding extra healthy communication about how to communicate over cultural differences?

And acknowledging that navigating all of this will need more talking things out?

Them all being flipping cute at trying to do that with the limited vocabulary that is available out there?

That suddenly all of this is recontextualizing everything past from an "oh yeah the usual notorious sanitized blushy maiden disaster awkward x way too pure cinnamon roll" romance INTO SOMETHING ACTUALLY LEGIT PLAUSIBLE??

This is existing in an adult setting that acknowledges that mature content exists, but still sets itself apart to it?

Coming out of a series that basically started as a sort of slapstick manga over a niche interest that is being thrown shade upon since forever?

And serves up some of the most underrepresented relationship styles and conversations out of blue nowhere?

Am I over the moon?

HELL YES.

I like how they aren't really ever using queer language, actually. Even Hiiragi doesn't outright say he's gay when he's talking about it in terms that make very clear what he means. It makes it very around the bush, but that's kind of exactly how you navigate this in a language that doesn't offer to represent concepts it's not familiar with. Queer spaces may invent all its new words as much as they like, but bar maybe the four main words of the original LGBT acronym it'll still take a long time until they will leave its status of a niche technical term into mainstream knowledge. How do you navigate talks in the meantime? This is such a nice reference example, really. It's roundabout, but gets the point across. And in such simple shortness, too. And the series does have a little nod to that these technical terms do exist. (That colleague of Tsubaki's who talked with him about BL drama is talking about "same-sex love", that's already a lot clearer than what Hiiragi ever says about himself.)

And the chapter's use of "family". It doesn't hit the strokes really, but it really is the next best thing in between friends and lovers. Does it sound kinda simple? Yes. Does it do its job with just a few words added for further clarification? Yes. Does it indeed sound like a de-facto proposal? Yes. Is this hilarious at the same time, too? Yes! Is it kind of simple genius because the title is also about family and this started out as a plot of a single father-sons family? HECK YES.

Do I adore how Katsura paved so many ways ahead of her death for Tsubaki? Absolutely. (Give me a series with just her and Tsubaki, and I'll so take it!) Not only did she place acceptance and support for it ahead of time before it ever happened, now she's even there for laying the ground bricks of a reference and proof of concept as something closest to what Tsubaki wants to express now and was in sore exasperation because he couldn't find anything that aligns to it anywhere in media.

I'm so looking forward to seeing how it's going to continue with these two. There is a lot it can still address, and I'd love to see it.

Tsubaki is still having very misinformed ideas about what sex means. (Or even romance.) Is he going to find out that he might be fine with it, once he learns that the BL porn is anything but the real thing?

Or is he going to stick with that, it's just impossible for him?

Is he still going to be pretty much everything ace without the plot doing an u-turn? Because he totally looks like it, when even the idea of kissing freaks him out right now, and with him clearly not having had any signs of cravings to bone anyone.

Is he going to find out that Katsura's "family" is different from his sort of "family" idea?

Is Hiiragi going to wind up being clearly ace, too? Him being all cute and innocent and called out for being so pure in his little wants out of a relationship very much look the part, too. Even Tsubaki's book smarter than him about it all in many cases, cue Hiiragi not getting the horny reference about the names of his two bunnies. (That TOTALLY is a joke that hits home in terms of realism.)

Hiiragi's love language is still a whole lot more touchy than Tsubaki's. How will they navigate and discuss this? Or will Tsubaki just continue to die his blushy maiden deaths? Now that he doesn't have to hold it in because of the misunderstanding dating premise?

Hiiragi definitely does want a romantic kiss, he's secretly tried that before, but stopped because he didn't consider it right without asking. Now he's talking about kisses again.

Will there be more talks about consent for even as "harmless" as kisses? I mean, probably likely, they basically kinda had something like that even for hand holding. Putting this into words when innuendo and flirting subtext flies over your head due to lack of understanding is important. And these two are both clearly under educated in these matters. (But sometimes also over-educated, lol.) Obtuse idiots they are, so often, both of them.

Also, Hiiragi is invested in doing a romantic date. Totally. How's that going to look like?

Will it capitalize on that joke of Katsura's that Tsubaki is basically the ideal uke? How is Hiiragi going to play that seme role?

How will they navigate the BL fandom side of it? Tsubaki still digs it, but probably will be conflicted/confused/wondering/worrying about Hiiragi knowing and getting the wrong idea of him wanting it for himself, too, just because he reads it. Meanwhile, Hiiragi also has long since read a bunch of them, but clearly wasn't out to try imitating any of it.

How will this entangle across the other subplots?

But whatever it is going to do, it already did more than 99.999999(...)999% of just about all romance did for me out there.

Is it trying to be queer?

Probably not beyond the BL flavor. Suzuri Machi's other works are very silly light BL with that typical quite trashy silly note.

Is Fudanshi Kazoku an accidental fluke from that which turned genius?

For me so far, yes. Because it doesn't feel fake, but also doesn't give this unpleasant this hits home a bit too much feels, that things coming from a first hand real place tend to do. (The age vs. fandom shades in the earlier chapters however do feel very first hand real.) So probably it came organically out of what these characters wound up being penned up like? It's also still rough in a few ways, but that works out in this slapsticky style. Maybe it's how it allows for a lot of self-insert in the details that it seems to often hit home in such a hilarious manner?

But I don't care right now, gimme more of stuff like this!!

SO having my fingers so crossed that it keeps the consistency up.

#manga #fudanshi kazoku #腐男子家族 #ramblings #translation #english translation #suzuri machi

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