#“I'm trans and people don't think this of me” well some of us are camp as christmas

[relnicht]

being a bi trans guy is just nobody believing and your friends all forgetting that you actually do like women too

[bougiebutchbitch]

NGL I do find it funny that the side of the fandom yelling “if you’re uncomfortable with the way Con showed up to a livestream with his whole bulge on prominent display you’re homophobic” is the same side of the fandom that was harboring multiple sexual predators lol throwback to the Canyon Kink Camp!! Anyway shoutout to the canyon for knowing how to be normal about people’s boundaries <3

I notice you sending this message to multiple people. On anon. Smells like teen cowardice.

So, first off -

You are lying through your teeth.

Victims of two sexual predators came forwards... and those sexual predators were immediately thrown out of the canyon. They were blocked/black-listed everywhere and deactivated! Explain to me how that is 'harbouring'?

Some weirdo also started harassing the victims because they were a friend of the perpetrators. They were...... also....... mass blocked and lost all their popularity, as far as I'm aware (I don't actually know that person, and am not on Twitter, etc.)???

Sexual predators will show up literally anywhere in society - including in your precious fandom spaces. Pretending that your half of the fandom is 'pure' and 'perfect' is, in fact, far more dangerous than acknowledging that there were predators, and dealing with them.

Especially when the antis were the ones crowing that people like me, who are abuse and rape survivors IRL, had 'no idea what abuse/rape looks like', and still are making claims like that in the tags - as well as sending asks accusing us of lying about our trauma.

All because we like a fictional character who you hate.

As for Con showing up in his underwear...

Literally nothing was showing.

You saw the SHAPE of a bulge. It was no more revealing than Tom Hiddleston's Loki outfit, and there have been uncensored gifs of that flying around willy-nilly (pun intended) for years without anyone being Shocked and Disgusted about it.

If you're not bothered by men being in underwear when you go to the beach and see guys rocking a budgie smuggler, but you're throwing a massive stink about a queer man being in his underwear on a ticketed show that was always marked as Explicit, and using it as an excuse to call him a sexual predator, I honestly don't know what to say to you.

Boundaries are real and important.

But if you went to an explicit stream and saw something mildly suggestive there, and proceed to accuse a queer man of being a sexual predator... You are the problem.

And yes, you are a homophobe.

Even if you are queer yourself, you are contributing to the dangerous rising current of accusing queer people of being 'degenerate' and 'perverse' for merely existing, because - oh, think of the children.

And that's without mentioning that Con is a vocal supporter of trans kids in the UK. We all know how queer people who dare to support trans people are unjustly painted as predators. It's happening on Tumblr, with the mass reporting and banning of trans men and women for 'inappropriate content' that is no more explicit than what cishet people have on their blogs. It's happening all over the world.

Hell, all profits from Con's livestream went to Mermaids (UK charity for trans folx) and true colours united (homeless lgbt youth charity).

Take a good long look at your argument. Take a good long look at the current political climate for queer people. Ask yourself who your insistence that Con is sexually inappropriate for... wearing underwear, is really helping.

If you feel this unsafe around even the vaguest suggestion of genitalia, the onus is on you to avoid any streams where you might encounter it. You're no different than people who read Explicit-marked work on AO3 and leave hatemail for the authors because you encountered smut.

[catboybiologist]

you'll always be a woman in my eyes, as long as it's what you identify as, it's what you are. those transphobic pricks who don't have the balls to come off anon are jealous they aren't a beautiful woman with confidence in her identity, like you are. :) I really hope you're doing well and I hope those horrible transphobic assholes finally realize they are just making a fool of themselves.

1. Thank you <3 I don't get insecure about my own womanhood easily, and online transphobia doesn't bother me much, but this is still nice to hear.

2. I haven't gotten transphobia in a while, is this from some older post of mine or is there something going on I don't know about?

3. I have a lot of Thoughts (tm) about my own personal relationship with the phrase "identify as a woman". I hope this in no way seems like I'm annoyed by your ask, because it's lovely, but it's just a runaway tangent train of thought you got me on. In many ways, I don't feel like I identify as anything- I do what is best, healthiest, and most comfortable for me, and the social, biological, and psychological factors settle into place after that to construct an identity. My own personal relationship with "identifying" is that it's not something I actively do, it's something that happens to me, including internally. I'm in the camp of "I used to be a man" for my own personal experience. I didn't feel like I was "actually" a woman when I started transitioning, I just knew that transitioning was something I had to do for my own sake. Since then, my identity has been deconstructed and reconstructed time and time again. Even now, I don't "fully" feel like a woman- I genuinely feel like a "traveller" through a non-binary identity that is mostly woman at this point, constantly getting further away from manhood and closer to womanhood all the time. And don't get me wrong, I feel the progress! I think the last big step is when I start lab and TAing again, and I figure out my relationship to womanhood in a professional setting over time. But there's so much that's integral to the womanhood I do have that I *made*, on purpose, that I forged and constructed and crafted to what I wanted and what I knew would calm my mental state.

And y'know what? My womanhood is so much more real than my manhood could ever be because of that, much like every other accomplishment over my lifetime is so much more real than anything I was born with.

If this isn't what describes your experience, that's fine! I can't and don't want to speak for the experiences, internal and external, of other people- the diversity of experience is what makes the trans community so vibrant and beautiful.

For me, however, I like the idea of my womanhood being a loving, crafted personal project, something I know every facet of because I was there when it came into existence. When did I ever do that as a man? When I was born with particular genitals? At puberty? Did it ever happen, or did I just ride the current of where my body took me?

I am a woman, on purpose, and with targeted effort, and I'm proud of that.

This has very little to do with your ask, sorry about that! Just got me thinking about the way we talk about trans people and identifying as something.

[freddie-77-ao3]

TRANS PEOPLE AT CAMP HALF BLOOD BC I'M IN A MOOD™️ RIGHT NOW

NON BINARY:

Connor Stoll (they/them). Connor got to camp at age four, where someone just assumed he was named connor, so they took up the name of a dead boy named connor and decided that yeah, he/him was alright. didn't know what trans meant at the time, they just sort of... anyway, then after the battle of the labyrinth they came out as NB.

wood nymphs. they've got a different gender system than demigods, as well as different pronouns, but to keep it simple for the campers your best bet is they/them.

the resident god Dionysus ofc. he has a complicated relationship with gender (see his chapter in PJ's Greek Gods) but basically, doesn't care what you call him. he/they generally.

MTF:

Drew Tanaka! she's just. always considered herself a girl. there was never any hesitation. her mom called her son and she just. did not compute. her mom was accepting and just sort of called aphrodite up and told her that actually she had given birth to a girl. Aphrodite sent down a new wardrobe in return. she never changed her name.

Clarisse la Rue. she came out when she was twelve. her mom didn't accept her, but clarisse had run away years before that so... her mother never apologized. when clarisse went to her house with chris, it was only because she was truly desperate. after the battle of manhattan clarisse called her once, and. never again.

Lou Ellen Blackstone. she told cecil and will when they were eleven or so (SOM) but didn't really come out to everyone else until one of the hunters pulled her aside in TTC to ask if she wanted to join bc the hunters are super good at finding girls apparently. lou ellen really regrets this but somehow cecil convinced her to make her legal name Louise-Eleanor (first) Wilmadeen (middle) Cecilia (middle) Blackstone. it-- she pretends it's just lou ellen. don't bring it up. Will thinks there was a murder involved and-- well neither of them are telling him otherwise, that's all i'm saying.

FTM: (oh boy here's where I projected a whole bunch)

PERCY MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON. alright folks you ready? so percy came out when he was twelve RIGHT before TLT picks up. struggling mother sally jackson immediately accepts him no questions asked (well there are a few questions but) she gets him onto puberty blockers from a free clinic on forth street right away and changes his name legally. financially they're still struggling, obviously, but sally is picking up some extra shifts. she's already planning on having percy go on T when he turns 16 (if he lives that long--) and after manhattan poseidon and sally sit him down and are like: okay so technically because of ancient laws poseidon can't just snap his fingers but uh if you want a real easy top surgery just do a really easy quest for him and he'll magic your tits away and percy agrees of course so poseidon drops a sand dollar on the ground and in the. most. indifferent voice possible he goes "oh no. my sand dollar. i need a hero." and percy picks it up-- and done. that's when he decides to join the swim team because he doesn't need to bind anymore. also when he heard the prophecy percy immediately went, well i know it says im going to die but hey the universe recognises me as a dude that's pretty cool right. very affirming for him.

NEXT UP we've got michael. height dysphoria kicks ass so seriously don't mention how short he is. anyway michael thought that it was spelt micheal so he chose it for the pun and to feel connected to his dad. uh. don't bring that up to him either. anyway despite being very short, michael's usually pretty stealth. he came out in ttc when he asks jake mason out bc luke used to date his brother lee and michael basically goes "hey do you want to go out i promise i'll be a good boyfriend and not leave you like luke left lee." and jake just bluescreens for a moment because wait, BOYfriend, and anyway after that michael realises he never told anyone. (not necessary to the post but jake said yes) oh, also, his middle name is john. why? who knows. it wasn't significant or anything, clarisse just turned to him one day and said, "you know, you look like a john." so yeah, Michael John Yew. also he liked archery bc it was a lot easier to bind in so.

following that you'll find that actually the three main pjo apollo boys are trans. so WILLIAM ANDREW SOLACE. my baby boy is-- well he's got a lot going on. Will binds (but when he turns 16 he's going to get top surgery and he is. very excited) and don't let his mild mannered doctor self fool you he is a HYPOCRITE when it comes to binding, like that bitch will nag you for hours if you bind for over 8 hours and then you'll see him come off a 48 hour infirmary shift still binding. when he was young and his mother was touring, she left him with his grandparents. He tried to come out at five and cut all of his hair off, but his grandparents kicked him out. Clarisse found him in Texas and brought him to camp. which isn't SATS compliant but I haven't read it yet so *shrug*. Anyway Andrew is after Apollo, when Apollo first met Naomi, he called himself Andrew.

Lee Fletcher is also trans. He was fully transitioned by the time he died. He was super upper class when he came out and his mum stopped speaking to him, but he kept his wealth and became a staunch advocate for trans rights until he died. Anyway he came out when he was seventeen.

Cecil Markowitz. His parents died in a fire when he was 8, he was sent to his grandmother, she kicked him out when he was 9 and came out. 

Clovis

Mitchell

Leo Valdez (part of why Rosa called him a demon)

Malcolm Pace (his trans identity deserves a whole 'nother post it's.) anyway Malcolm can't bind so.

Ellis Wakefield (currently writing a fic about this actually) anyway Ellis comes out when he's 13 (so BoM) at camp, and comes out when he's 15 to his mum. it doesn't go great.

[apostate00]

What's your opinion on Tankie? I think he's kinda funny and cute

Ohoho THIS is gonna be a long one, strap in!

Well, my opinion on Commie is mostly negative. I HATE this guy, but it's like a passionate hate, the kind that if he were gone, things would feel empty, because he's my favorite guy to despise.

I tend to make him worse in my HCs than he is in the show, even though he's already not great either. I think part of my dislike for him also stems from them fact that he's held up in the fandom as a good guy, when he really isn't, seeing how he's blatantly disrespectful to trans/non-binary people, and would discriminate against minorities if they didn't do as he said.

Nevermind the fact that he's a tyrant and denies the holodomor, which he caused, and also brushed off Nazi's holocaust denial. Also he runs gulags, which are basically just concentration camps & slave labor, but people seem to be mysteriously brushing over that if it's commies who do it. It's a joke then.

People have told me before that the reason they like him is because he's just desperate for a family and community, but personally, that makes me like him less.

How people can ship Leftist Unity is beyond me, when Commie repeatedly disrespects Ancom and later Ansyn. He doesn't give a shit about trans people, misgendering them simply because he can. Also, we all know damn well Commie will kill Ancom the second he doesn't need quem anymore.

I think some of it also stems from me being agender myself. I generally really hate how Ancom/Ansyn's queerness was handled in the show since no one respects quis pronouns ever, and it's more played as a joke than anything.

Fuck even the fandom doesn't respect quis pronouns at times.

People prolly think that it's not that big a deal, but for me who is incredibly protective of the self and their individual identity, disrespecting someone else's to integrate them into your homogeneous view of things is so repulsive and disgusting; it's not nessecarily the act of misgendering, even though that is bad too, but the complete disregard for individuality and identity.

I read Commie as abusive, but I've gathered that some people in the fandom really don't like that lol, I got to add onto my tally of "people online told me to kms" over it. But yes, generally I picture Commie as someone who actively infantilise Ancom and makes quem adopt this uwu uwu personality we see so often, to take away quis teeth, make them submissive, follow him around and make quem less likely to stand up for quemself against him.

There's more of course but, my personal headcanons are besides the point.

I do also use this guy to project my own personal experiences and trauma onto sooo, he has become kind of an amalgamation and caricature of my abusers.

I don't know, basically everything about Commie is so repulsive to me. I can basically only tolerate him with Nazi because they're both tyrannical scum and deserve each other.

I'm pretty big on freedom & individualism so that probably also doesn't help his case in my brain 😭

People can like Commie ofc, you can love and adore characters that are pieces of shit; I'd know so since Ancap is my second favorite character only surpassed by Ancom, but you know, I know what it's like to love a character who is fucking awful.

I guess I just wish people would acknowledge Commie's shitty behaviour more often instead of treating him like this big friendly harmless guy.

But yeah, people can do whatever they want of course, that's just my thoughts about it! :3

[genderqueerdykes]

I'll preface this with saying that if you don't feel like dealing with this topic then feel free to delete the ask.

So I have a question regarding the "kink at Pride" debate. Isn't the most viable solution just having two events; i.e. one venue hosts an "all-ages" type and another separate one where everything is allowed?

I ask this because I recognize the contributions that people with kinks have made and I don't agree with the exclusionist mindset, but I'm one of those people who does have trauma surrounding kink. I hate feeling excluded because of that (after all, I'm queer and I've struggled just as much as the next queer person) and I want people like me to be able to participate just as much as those who helped make history. There are those who are able to reconcile their trauma, but many of us can't.

I'm sorry if this is a stupid question. People on both sides tend to be very hostile regarding this subject... and that said I genuinely do understand the anger felt on the side of people with kinks since the talking point "kink doesn't belong at Pride at all" is an ahistorical and TERF based mindset. I just wished that the discussion around this topic was less toxic because I don't want to be exclusive to others nor be excluded myself, and unless I'm missing something it seems like the solution that would be beneficial for everyone is having those two spaces that accommodate both camps (if it is a common thing then that's good, but I've been to several areas and every event was only ever the mixed bag for lack of a better term).

hello there, i think my best answer for this question is this

it's totally okay to want to have all ages events and sections and aspects to pride parades and pride events- in my city pride lasts for an entire week and there are events specifically for kids, and elderly queer folks as well. often times during pride month there will be all kinds of celebrations and i think it's a good idea to have multiple kinds of celebrations

however, you really cannot remove the adult aspects from pride parades and other big main event pride festivals- there is free AIDS testing at a lot of pride fests, free condoms and dental dams, sexual education, other sex harm reduction education and resources, sex toy shops, info on safe gay/trans sex, information on safe kink practices, etc. removing those aspects of pride could be downright dangerous for some who rely on this type of harm reduction

i understand that you have trauma and that you want to express boundaries, that is good- if witnessing kink upsets or triggers you, it's okay to want to avoid it, but pride is going to have displays like that because it is in fact a protest. it is not family friendly, it never has been and it never will be- it spawned in response to police brutality that was happening within queer bars. it is designed to shock you and make you think.

pride is an event that has historically been kinky and included a lot of people proudly displaying that they live alternative lifestyles because they are heavily important to a lot of queers. the san fransisco pride parade is lead by the lesbian leather motorcycle club, Dykes on Bikes, and has been since the late 1970's.

i think it's very odd to focus on kink in specific when there are other traumatizing things that come up at pride- people discuss abortion, abuse, being arrested, beaten by the police, being denied rights adoptive rights and healthcare, and so much more. pride will always have something that will make people uncomfortable, because it is a protest in the street to talk about the brutal reality of our lives

again, as i stated, i am fine with children's, all ages, etc. pride themed events being held but main pride parades, festivals, etc. are in fact designed to be protests, meaning provocative and brutally real. they're not just for waving rainbow flags and saying "yay we love being gay!" it's okay to know your own limits and boundaries but i think that if you know that that's upsetting to you, you may just not be suited for an inherently political event, and that's okay. hope that helps, take care, stay safe

[ladyravenjadethe2nd]

Well we're fucked.

So what level of horror should I wait for to start a Go Fund me to get me and my family out of this country?

I mean I don't have it that bad. I'm at least legal and white. Kid's trans and mostly out though so like after they deport 20 million people, but before we get the trans concentrations camps I'm guessing?

God I wish was I joking. I gave up on this country when the Supreme Court made that dumb law that gave the president the powers of a King, but if Harries won which I thought she would I figured I had until the next election to get out of this crumbing empire.

My gay friends are panicking. This Halloween they invited me to their wedding next year. Shall we weight the odds on if they will still be allowed to get married by then?

When do you think the gays are fucked? Like on a list of hated we got immigrants, trans, and gays oh and women in general. Thank god I don't have much sex going to lose the right to have an abortion soon.

I'm also not religious at all. Not sure what they will do with us heretics or where that is on the list.

Anybody on a timeframe on when certain groups will need to get the fuck out?

Pity I'm not a good shot. Some things would be easier then living here. I don't even have a passport for gods sake.

Made that Go Fund Me. https://gofund.me/692d5593

[pillarsalt]

Wikipedia anon here, i feel SO embarrassed for misremembering so much about that article. the concept of the cotton cieling and the reminder of the sheer amount of institutions/resources that have been taken over by tims/tras makes me so upset i didn't want to recheck the article again, even though i should have. (it was some time ago i saw the rb of your comic and did my first check, then saw your comic again and remembered about doing so, to clarify. yes i'm an absolute mess i apologize)

i appreciate you so much for not only getting what i was trying (and failing lmao) to explain but also looking into and linking the talk page because JFC!!! so sharing differing opinions for a topic (with cited sources!!) on wikipedia is a no-no, but it's totally fine when you and your friends retroactively decide pro-topic views make you look bad and so you delete the entire article and rewrite the definition of said topic to be about generically "being left out of spaces :.-(" instead of being honest about it being homophobic, rapist rhetoric (which is the reason you're trying to hide it in the first place) hoooooooly SHIT

if genderism ever blows over (with how long it's stuck around for, and with no one being willing to talk about objective/legal concerns like the WPATH files and Maya Forestater, let alone even have a conversation with a GC person, at this point i'm not hopeful...) everyone who contributed to the widescale abuse and trauma of women (especially lesbians), girls, gay men, gnc people, and tip (medicalized or not) could spend the rest of their lives begging for forgiveness and it wouldn't be anywhere near enough. not that i'm expecting them to do that, of course. it's not even blown over yet and we can see from the cotton ceiling article that they'll absolutely try to just gaslight everyone and pretend it never happened (and if it did, it wasn't that bad, and if it was bad it was your fault for not doing your research, etc etc)

ANYWAY i'd rather end on something positive, so thank you again for sharing your wonderful art on here!! seeing there's a talented, feminist female artist who's into pokemon and mlp but hasn't bought into trans ideology is so healing for me. hope you have a lovely day!!! :) :) :)

I wouldn't be embarrassed, I mean the article's not completely empty but it's obviously been stripped down to next to nothing compared to what it used to contain, and half the cited sources aren't really relevant at all. They briefly mention the MTF porn actor who coined the term but failed to mention the scores of other popular MTFs who were vehement proponents of the rhetoric (Riley J Dennis is the first one that comes to mind). And yeah that dude in the discussion page saying he's going to be watching the page and reverting any edits he doesn't like, isn't that very wikipedia illegal? I don't edit wikipedia but I'm fairly certain that camping on an article to make sure your edits aren't edited is not allowed.

It's definitely been a trend with "progressives" to flip the script on anything they've done and can see was wrong in retrospect, claiming "no actually YOU said this, not me." It's a very good reason to keep things documented, and I have huge respect for people who keep the receipts so we can hold people accountable for the harmful bullshit they've spread around. (Speaking of which, I think now is a good time to remind everyone that Eli Erlick is a rapist, another interesting fact that has been unsuccessfully scrubbed from the internet.)

Thanks for your wonderful words as well :) Have a great day too!

[enbycrip]

I'm sorry I've been quiet recently. I've actually been doing big things offline while still right in the middle of symptom management for flare- ups.

Firstly - I'm working on my History postgrad (Masters) dissertation, exploring how the emergence of capitalism affected disabled lives in early modern Britain and Ireland. I'm currently getting a draft chapter on intellectual and learning disability in some shape for my tutor to go over, and also feeling like the wrath of several angry gods while buried in articles about Tudor professional fools.

Secondly - I ran an experimental LARP, a live action roleplaying game, with a friend of mine. If you don't do live roleplaying, think about something a bit like a cross between playing D&D but fully acting all the parts rather than sitting around a table and narrating, and experimental improv theatre, but focusing more on storytelling as experience between participants than performance.

Ours was set in a post-apocalyptic society after a pandemic-related societal collapse and featured a meeting between a group of people trying to survive as a collective on a self-sufficient croft and a bunch of refugees from a collapsing state-run camp. Given I'm a queer disabled person, the game was actively queer including trans inclusive. We had a *lot* of queer, including trans binary and nonbinary, and disabled participants, and I'm so chuffed at how people leaned into and explored how their marginalisations affected these stories and their experiences of telling them. It was really important to us to put a particular focus on accessibility and inclusion, which I'm really pleased to say seemed to come off really well.

Big things that are really important to me, and of course my body has taken the opportunity to react and has stuck me on the toilet for a lot of the last couple of days. IBS is part of my hEDS, but given how much codeine I need to take it tends to affect me the other way much more these days. I can't say I enjoyed revisiting a big feature of my pre- opioid life all that much, tbh 😜

I am a huge believer in both history and art of all kinds as a site of resistance. They are how we understand our past and our present, and how we conceptualise our future. Humans are narrative animals. We need to tell stories to understand ourselves, our lives, our societies, our pasts and our futures. The skills to deconstruct stories and understand how they affect us are vital and essential ones. These are part of my work in the ongoing revolution; the one to build the world we *need* as our current world is crumbling.

[maryellencarter]

yo tunglr how goest it

so! things keep Happening. i am like "i should make a post" and then things happen and i would need a whole additional post

so uh. where to start. i was in minnesota. i did not like minnesota. the social services are pretty damn solid but i did not know anybody except john and it was looking like a three year wait to get into housing, and i had to park a mile and a half away from the shelter because clearly letting homeless people park their cars next to the homeless shelter encourages them to remain homeless or something :P

and i have been trying for ten years to get back to the east coast, to the only place where i know more than one person in meatspace in the entire world. and then my tax refund came out to be Enough that i could afford to go to there. so i was like fuck it i will go to there

(can i afford to exist on the east coast? probably not. but i can't afford to exist anywhere that allows trans people. may as well be not affording to exist in a place where i have some sort of a network.)

so first i went to leia's and got a bunch of my stuff. mainly electronics and knitting. and then i came to here. i had arranged with a friend to use her address to receive mail and do laundry and shower and all those fun things you cannot do in a car. also i acquired some car-camping gadgets that plug into my car's cigarette lighter, such as an electric blanket.

(i even found out that my car has a 15amp cigarette lighter circuit like a semi truck, instead of a 10amp circuit like most passenger cars, so i can use a trucker's cookbox to heat up food! very exciting. still don't have an electric kettle but i saw a hopeful looking one at a truckstop, i'm just trying to pinch my pennies.)

anyway SO! got to friend's house. things went well for 2 nights. i successfully tested riding the metro and did not get the motion sickness. this was excellent news as i had to quit my last job in this area due to inability to arrive on time as i kept having to hop off metro and let my tummy settle

then friend's husband decided actually the plan that we thought had been cleared with him was Not okay, because he had managed to hear a totally different plan that only existed inside his head. (he does this. he has not managed to grasp that friend is against the palestinian genocide. they are both jewish so this is. a topic of regular conversation let us say)

so. i have been put up in a hotel for a week. very cozy. i just figured out how to use the coffee maker to make hot water for instant mashed potatoes. the week is running out but i have been looking into options.

so yesterday of course my phone had to go and fucking brick itself. (i think it was yesterday. time has been. somewhat. look i don't have a phone okay i can't exactly look at the date every five seconds as normal)

phone repair place gave me a free diagnosis, which was, the battery swoll up just enough to pop the back slightly open (it is not a phone that is supposed to open) and let water in and now the motherboard is ruined. it cannot be fixed

thank fuck i had picked up my electronics at leia's, thus i was able to communicate via ipad and laptop that this Had Happened. navigation is being *really goddamn hard* because i have to memorize directions from my wifi-only ipad before going out, and then somehow correlate them with very bad interstate signage (the only way i survived getting back from the phone repair place is that i'd been to an aldi in the same shopping center while my phone still worked)

i mean i could take transit but have you ever tried to take transit without a phone when transit maps are digital only

any fucking way. so then i went to the department of food stamps and all that stuff, to ask about assistance. the department told me i would have to be a resident in the county for nine months before i could even get into a shelter. also i got shuffled between several desks that were supposed to help me applicate for food stamps and medicaid before my name just... fell off the big monitor that showed all the people waiting and where they should go.

so my friend mara who is well connected in the local activism community began making Noises and we emailed a bunch of people. there is a place (nondenominational even! in minnesota you had your choice of the catholics, the "union gospel mission", or the sally army) that does free hot meals and helping applicate for shit and sometimes has charities come to give away free phones and so forth. sounds very much like the big central shelter and help center i was at in minnesota, except crucially not catholic.

(the catholics are better to deal with than the folks who require you to attend services in order to receive help. but they're still very... catholic about it.)

anyway that place says i can park there and not get towed, which is my largest concern. i have not actually gone to there yet because i did not feel like driving that far from my hotel with no gmaps until i have to. but it sounds extremely promising. i have some other emails to follow up on too but today i went and got one of my roughly-annual migraines so i was flat on my back in a dark room all day.

(at least the migraine had the decency to hit while i have a room and a bed and darkness all available. very polite of it. this has not been the case any time in the past six months and it has been a worry)

anyway i can't friggin get my lifeline provider (aka free government phone service for teh poors) to log me in on their website to look for a new phone without them being able to text my old phone, even though they offer me email verification and then just don't load the next page, so there is a solid nonzero chance i may lose this phone number. my contacts *should* be backed up to my gmail if i can get another android phone though.

so. uh. let's see. a new smartphone and service would run me close to $200 minimum. (i've been checking on a cheap service i had before becoming eligible for lifeline, which i was happy with. their very cheapest smartphone is like $114 on sale and their cheapest from a brand i've ever heard of, which i would strongly prefer, is a motorola running about $140 on sale. it's giant and clunky with a badly placed fingerprint reader but "able to get cellular service and run google maps therefrom" is my main priority right now.)

i have about $200 of my tax refund left in the bank. also i still need to buy gas. and some more food soon, i'm about down to canned chili (very edible cold in tortillas) and instant mashed potatoes (can make with cold water but they are significantly less delicious that way). and probably some other things i'm forgetting, and i haven't even started looking into the emissions test or my maryland ID and license plates. which i also wanted to budget about $200 for in case i have to pay excise tax for moving states like i did in minnesota (i don't know if i was supposed to or if the dmv fucked up). i forgot to ask if the one place does gas cards but i need to.

anyway i have to be out of my hotel room saturday morning so i am planning to spend tomorrow packing my shit back up and hauling it mostly down to my car. also i need another bath at some point. too much has been happening

sleeping in a bed has been very nice though. hadn't done that since august. i can sleep in my car and it's mostly comfortable but i'm fat and my steering wheel does not respect that

anyway. um. until more things explode i guess that is my update? jesus murphy. it's holy week and you can friggin tell. really bringing my catholic out. tomorrow is good friday and i definitely expect something more to explode. hell, my micro sd card was making noises about being corrupted and i was going to transfer stuff off it onto a new one via my computer and i haven't even started that yet because i've been so frazzled. it better not die along with jesus tomorrow, it's got all my music on it

[havinganormalone]

Annotated example of a failed fuck boy: red flags and how to spot bullshit

So I had a LOVELY encounter last night on tinder, and while the encounter itself was nothing uncommon, it was a perfect example of how certain men will try to lie and manipulate you to put you in an unsafe position. I wanted to breakdown the different red flags this guy gave off, as an instructional guide for anyone who might be new to the app dating scene, especially if you are kinky. Below the cut, I'll post the encounter, as well as annotations going blow by blow on the different red flags he gave off, and the vetting I did to get the information I need to determine he was unsafe, and some tips on how you can do the same.

Relevant context about myself: I am a genderqueer bisexual, so I choose people based on personality and compatibility, not gender. This means sometimes I still encounter cis het men on dating apps. That doesn't bother me, some are nice. But a lot will lie to you and say anything to get into your pants, including ignoring your gender. I am a trans masc butch, and say as much in my profiles, as well as that I am on T. Incels and pick up artists see me as a vagina and tits. This is not gay to them- I am confused and their dick can fix me. I'll let you know the tip offs that showed this guy falls into this camp.

I also am on the asexual spectrum, and am more interested in kink than sex. Again, this is plain as day on my profile. Many of these men will PRETEND to be kinky and have experience in order to con me into vanilla sex. They think being kinky means being easy or having low standards, will give lip service to being kinky, and then not know how to negotiate or do kink safely. When they show up, at best you're going to have them waffle and be like "I don't feel like having kinky sex tonight, can we do vanilla?" The goal is to get in the door with false promises and then hope to wear you down into having unsatisfying sex you don't want (and they will probably try to renege on any agreement to use protection while you are at it). At worst, this man is going to show up and do dangerous edgeplay on you with no experience and no proper negotiation- like starting to choke you during sex, which can kill you. I am experienced enough to have safety precautions and be able to hold my ground and send someone packing if they show up and do not honor agreements, but not everyone is, and spotting red flags before it gets to that point is the goal.

Okay, without further ado, let's get into it.

(Since he doesn't clearly show his face in his pfp, I'm not gonna bother to censor. It's not enough to identify him.) Yellow markings as things that aren't red flags and in certain contexts might be okay, but should make you cautious. Red is red flags. Green is my response and how I protected myself.

So right off the bat he gives me his number (which is censored). Any scammers or foul actors will want to get you off the app and talking through other means as quickly as possible. This is because if someone does scam me or hurt me, if we are still on the app, I can report it directly to the app and get that person banned. If we are off app, I will have to send in screenshots, and that extra step keeps scammers or foul actors retaining their accounts for longer. Be extra cautious the more impermanent or harder to report the method is: if you communicate only through snapchat, by the time the scam or harm is done, the evidence has deleted itself. However, I only put this as a yellow because there are several genuine reasons a person may not want to communicate via app. I personally hate typing on my phone and would rather talk through discord or another messaging service I can use on my desktop. However, be a little cautious when someone asks you to go off app. Don't give them any info that is too personal, and make sure you can save any evidence in the event it is needed. (Honestly I think this guy just wanted to send me dick pics, but it was not a great start)

He's up for ANYTHING I am? Wow! What an amazing deal! I better jump on it quickly! ANYTHING???? If I wanted to do an awesome fire play scene that incorporated live ammo, he'd be down??? The truth is, when you are actually experienced in kink, you know that you can't do everything on a moment's notice. Things take prep, the right space and equipment, as well as building trust. This fuck boy has no patience for that. He's here to put his penis inside me for 5 minutes and then leave. Being down for anything is code for him being desperate and being willing to make me promises he doesn't intend to keep.

We have so much in common! Like [INSERT HOBBY HERE]. He doesn't name anything he thinks we have in common, but leaves it vague and hopes I don't challenge him. This is a pick up artists strategy to attempt to "trick" me into thinking we are soulmates, when in reality, he isn't interested in getting to know me, and doesn't give a fuck about compatibility. Again, this is yellow because he could be sincere and just miswording it. You find out which it is by asking follow up questions, like I do later on, that reveal this to be a ploy.

He is projecting his desires onto me and assuming I want them without ever actually asking me what I want. He wants to spend the night with me, so of course I must want that. I'm just a dumb bitch, there's no way I'd have thoughts and desires of my own! Also I haven't even sent him a message yet, and already he's seeing into the future, as if it's a foregone conclusion I'll be head over heels for him. This is another pickup artist tactic- they pretend to be interested in the longterm, when in reality they want a one and done. If they're gonna be with you forever, maybe you can overlook a LITTLE one-sidedness in bed. After all, there will always be later! It's writing a blank check when your account is at zero. (Although also in reality, most of these wannabes are pathetic and desperate enough that they will come back for more as long as you let them use you and don't assert your own needs. All the more reason to assert your needs!)

skipped 5 cause I can't count lmao

Okay, so this is my first message to him. I'm already suspicious enough that I normally wouldn't even respond, but I enjoy baiting these guys for my amusement. I'm a sicko like that. Anyways, you would be perfectly justified for reading the initial flags and bailing, you never owe people a response, but if you did want to give them the benefit of the doubt, then from here I suggest you prod a couple of those red flags. Establish boundaries, like I did about not wanting to meet up immediately and caring about compatibility. Establishing boundaries early is great- it gives these fuckos plenty of time to demonstrate they can't respect boundaries before you even meet IRL! Efficient! Here, I ask a very simple question that is very revealing: What are you into? This is a chance for him to make a genuine connection, be honest and share information about himself, and then ask me questions so he can learn about me. Notice he does not do that. Someone who wants to be real with you, even if it's for a night, will jump at the chance to talk about themselves at length. We'll see how he dodges giving and specifics in the next few responses, because he doesn't want to be genuine. He wants to lie in order to deceive me into fucking him, because he suspects (and may be correct!) that his true self is repulsive and terrible enough that I won't want to sleep with him if I knew who he really was.

So he gives me a laundry lists of non-specific answers in response to me asking about himself. Absolutely NO specifics. He doesn't mention genre, or particular media, or even game systems. Important context is that I list writing, reading, anime and gaming as some of my own hobbies on my profile. Honestly, props to him for even bothering to reflect some of that information back, that took bare minimum effort! This is a yellow, because hey, maybe we DO have overlapping interests. That's not a crime. But when you see stuff like this, ask follow up questions, like I do in my next response. The fraud is trying to strike a delicate balance of throwing out a wide enough net that something piques my interest and he can use that as an opening to meet and pressure me into sex, while being vague enough that I won't be able to tell if we don't actually play the same video games or like the same books. Remember, he's not trying to see me as a person. He doesn't give a fuck about what makes me come alive. I probably like dumb girl games, anyways! I could never appreciate his precious animes in the same way, so there's no point getting excited about them with me.

Again, this is a dead giveaway that someone has no idea what the fuck they are talking about when it comes to kink. Wow, you're into EVERYTHING? Can I shit in your mouth? Would you be interested in gargling my period blood? Any thoughts about branding? All of these are perfectly acceptable kinks when done consensually, of course, but people who actually ARE kinky and have experience know themselves enough to know they have limits, or even things they like or don't like. Kinksters not only recognize that everyone has hard no's and limits, they relish in sharing and understanding them. After all, consent is so important to kink, that the idea of just jumping into a scene without discussing what each party is okay with first is ANATHEMA to how kink works. This dude either has never done anything kinky, does not care about consent, or both.

This is a yellow flag not just because IQ is bullshit garbage science, but that it is empty flattery. He is trying to make me feel smart so that I agree to meet him in hopes of getting more of that sweet, sweet validation. He does not actually mean this. He thinks I am an idiot and is counting on me being stupid enough to fall for the bait. This is the kind of flattery men love to give out: the kind that not only do they not mean, but they actually think the opposite of. They love the thrill of tricking you and being able to feel superior for getting you to fall for something. (And this isn't even touching on the fact that intelligence is an insignificant metric for measuring how kind and wonderful a person is but that's a rant for a different post.

9. 2 because as I have just demonstrated, intelligence isn't the end all be all and I can't count! Anyways, this is my second response, and at this point I know for sure I have a liar on my line, so I'm going to play with him a little bit by asking him obvious questions that will make him panic and bullshit harder. If you want to tell if someone has ANY knowledge of BDSM, this is such a soft ball question that so many people fuck up: what are some scenes you've enjoyed? A person who has never participated in BDSM will have no idea how scenes actually work. Their only frame of reference is porn, which in case you are unaware, bears very little resemblance to how BDSM works in the real world. Porn cuts out the amount of set up, as well as the level of skill some performers have to practice to achieve. The average fuckboy thinks that a bound gangbang is a normal Wednesday for this fantasy life they want to live, and they have 0 idea how to achieve that. Meanwhile, most kinksters, even ones that live for bound gangbangs, realize that coordinating that many people's schedules and getting a space and negotiating consent and having the hard points for the rope ties and having someone skilled in shibari tie up the bottom is a lot of work. Most of our scenes are smaller in scale, but still intimate and fun. Maybe I'm gonna line soda cans up on my girlfriends' dumptruck butt and flog them off and we're both going to laugh so hard we cry. That's a scene I would believe could exist, because it has enough quirky, concrete detail that actual kinksters get up to, and is the sort of silly intimacy that makes kink fun for people. But this fuckboy wants to impress me, so we'll see the lie he actually comes up with soon.

10. Another way to easily tell if someone has ANY idea what they are talking about is to ask how their kink negotiations work. They rarely show this in porn- the negotiations take place off camera, because they are considered "too boring." But for someone into kink, this is where the real action happens. Every good scene starts with all parties sitting down and expressing desires. If someone asked me this, I would probably tell them how the first time I play with a new partner, I like to do a calibration phase where I do something very gently, ask them to rate it, do it slightly harder, ask them to rate it again, until we reach the limit of what they are comfortable with for that scene. By starting low and going slow, I avoid doing too much for my subs, and it helps build trust with them that I will not disrespect their comfort levels. My kink negotiations usually include hands on time with ongoing, enthusiastic consent, in order to get familiar with a new partner's preferences. Other people have more formal contracts to go over, with things like each partner writing down what they agree to or what is off limits. Shit, I've seen people who do needle play who have a diagram of the human body and ask their subs to circle areas they are comfortable having needles. There are several ways to handle kink negotiations, but they should all have the end goal of communicating what sort of play the sub is okay with, and maximizing safety while minimizing risk. The average liar will have no idea how to respond to this, and will do something half-assed. My guy didn't even bother to address it.

10.2 Why did I bother numbering these if I can't count? Anyways, he responds to my inquiry about his hobbies with more vagaries. He doesn't want to give me specifics because he doesn't see me as a person worth engaging with. Do you care if your fleshlight has an opinion on video games? That's what I am to him. There's also that trademark pickup artist attempt to portray himself as a "high value male." Yuck.

11. Huge red flag here: he doesn't know what the term "scene" means in the BDSM sense. He thinks I'm talking about filming?? Like, this is such a base level term I'm honestly surprised he failed this, but here we are. For those that don't know (because not knowing or having experience is okay and something you shouldn't be ashamed of- it's trying to deceive people about your experience that is dangerous!) a "scene" in BDSM means when people engage in negotiated kink. His rephrasing as an "elaborate scenario" is closer to the meaning than his assumption that it is about filming. Anyways, one of the reasons we call it a "scene" is because things agreed to in one scene are for that scene only, and after the scene ends, consent for those activities stops, and needs to be re-negotiated to be done again. For example, if you do an impact scene, then the scene ends, the top doesn't have permission to whack you the next day. You gave consent to be hit for that scene, and that scene only. It's an important building block to consent, and something a lot of outsiders misunderstand. Look, it's really just LARPing, you guys. You wouldn't run up to a LARP partner at the grocery store and whack them with their staff, because you are not in the game right now. Same goes for BDSM and consent negotiations.

12. (safe) "rape roleplay" scenario. The specific term for that is consensual non-consent, or CNC, and the fact that you don't know the terminology means you probably have no idea what you are talking about. Also, there is again a vague statement with no detail to back it up. Exactly how was the roleplay safe? Safety doesn't happen by accident. Tell me how you made it safe. Did you have a safeword? A drop flag for when the bottom was gagged? How often did you do color check ins? The idea of a safeword has entered the public consciousness, but that is only one small part of a BDSM safety net. Having a safeword for a scene as intense as this isn't enough by itself. A lot of people who fantasize about BDSM but don't actually do it don't realize that being able to break scene for 5 seconds to ask "Color?" and have the bottom check in with a "Green" is just as integral to a good scene as having a safeword. Consent is not just the absence of no- it is ongoing and enthusiastic, which means you also should do the occasional scene pause to check in. How often depends on experience and familiarity, but it is still there.

13. "My boyfriend." I only mention this because his profile said he was straight. He is feigning queerness because he knows I am queer and thinks he can do this to score brownie points with me. I know, I know, identity is complex and who am I to say he's never had a bisexual experience blah blah blah. I'm a trans person with a complicated gender identity, is who I am, and I have cis het men who see me as nothing more than a confused women pull this shit on my all the time. Listen, transmascs out there, stay safe. Cis het men WILL feign support of your identity to fuck you without respecting you. (Also cis het men can be terrible to everyone, but this is just something I've personally experienced that I don't see enough people talking about).

14. Again, this gives NO specifics. Name one position. Name one piece of gear. What the fuck do you mean lighting? I think he's still conflating "scene" with shooting a porno. He is throwing a lot at me trying to impress me without betraying his ignorance. Or at least, hoping not to betray it, but I see right through that shit, and I hope seeing this illustrated helps you see through it, too.

15. "It lasted over 2 hours straight with no breaks." Again, this is a number that SOUNDS impressive. After all, when was the last time you saw a porn that was even 2 hours long? But for those of us that do BDSM, an elaborate scene like this can take a while, because there are so many filler moments where we catch our breath or the action lulls, etc. That's the stuff they cut out in porn, which is also why he thinks no breaks is realistic. And I don't know, maybe it is for him and this supposed boyfriend, but it is definitely a yellow flag that should have you raising an eyebrow.

16. He's mad that I am making him bullshit so much, so he again pressures me to hang out and negs me about being boring. God, I'm so fucking dull, trying to vet someone and make sure I'm safe. Better act fast so he doesn't get bored and leave. Barf. This is a clear violation of my previous boundary about wanting to chat before I get to know someone. Again, I cannot emphasize this enough, as a Dom, I would NEVER pressure someone to rush into something. Jesus fucking Christ! The idea makes me sick. I want to talk to them and know what they are into so I can prep something we will both enjoy. Not to flex, but I love designing weird, fun scenes, and this is not how you do it. Also, please note that he has not asked me a SINGLE question about myself, or even what sort of kink I am looking for. I am not a person worth getting to know. He's not interested in doing kink with me. He wants to show up and pressure me into vanilla sex, which as an acespec kinkster, is a hard no for me. Please do not give in to this sort of pressure! I promise, no matter how badly you want to find a play partner, this sort of person will not play with you safely or even in a way that is fun.

17. Okay, context here off screen: as much as it KILLED me, I couldn't meet with him that night, because I was busy doing some intense tabletop with some trans friends. I told you that BDSM is basically LARP in a different hat, so you're not gonna be surprised that I'm also into nerdy tabletop. Anyways, this message didn't make the screenshots, but that's the context of what I told him offscreen.

18. He not only assumes that when I say I'm hanging out with some queer friends tonight that it is an orgy, he also assumes he is invited. It is important to illustrate that this sort of person does not care about your boundaries. He also takes it for granted that the queer people would be dying for his dick. (My guy. Why would we want your dick when there was perfectly good girlcock already there?)

19. Okay, this is a pet peeve of mine. 8 inch dick is actually very rare, like less than 10% of the penis-having population will have one. And yet every guy is MAGICALLY 8 inches. This bothers me not because I care about the size of a dick- you can have fun with any size- but because good sex is about good communication, and lying is NOT good communication. Again, the goal is to get in the door, and then if the penis is underwhelming, he's already there and can whine and sadsack and wear me down. This is yellow because hey, maybe he really DOES have that big of a dick, but it still doesn't matter. I never once indicated that I would be interested in touching or stimulating his penis, and still he has to bring it up.

At this point, the tabletop was getting intense, so I decided to stop baiting him and blow my cover so I could shift focus to the game. I sent him my response, then didn't check my phone again until this morning, at which point he'd left me this absolute GEM.

Okay, so obviously I hope none of you ever get in this deep with one of these scumbags, but now we've gone into some distressing patterns of abuse that I still want to point out as unacceptable and explain why.

20. He flips from building me up to tearing me down and promoting himself as better. Like my guy, I recognize as a human you have intrinsic value and deserve a right to live, but you don't recognize that same humanity in me. Do not let people like this make you feel any sort of way. They do not see the humanity in you, so you can safely disregard their opinion.

21. This is classic DARVO. For those that don't know DARVO is an abuse and control tactic that stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. He denies any wrong doing, attacks me with some pithy insults (I'm not schizophrenic, but being schizophrenic isn't an insult, and the fact that he thinks it is speaks volumes), and then accuses ME of doing exactly what he is doing. Listen, if you are a kind human being, chances are when someone levels you with an accusation of causing harm, you're going to do some self-reflection and soul searching because you don't want to hurt people. Abusers prey on this. They make you feel guilty for calling them out so that you are afraid to do so. If you are worried about hurting THEIR feelings, you will take the high road, even if it means being silent when they hurt you. Do not do this. Please. For me. Don't let people abuse you. You deserve to be happy and safe, and people like this have NO right to abuse you.

Also I really want to clarify: there is nothing to be ashamed of about not having experience! Everyone starts somewhere! The reason I rail on this guy for not knowing what he is talking about is that it is DANGEROUS to present yourself as experienced when you aren't, especially when kink is involved. People can get seriously hurt if they attempt kink without the proper knowledge or instruction, and I don't want anyone to be the guinea pig of men that aren't big enough to admit they are beginners. Rope play can cut off circulation and do nerve damage, impact play can cause serious spinal injuries if done improperly, needle play could lead to needles breaking off under, the skin, etc. Educating yourself about how to properly engage in a kink and reduce risk is so important, and so is vetting your potential play partners.

So I hope this was at all educational, and that maybe after breaking down these tactics step by step, you are better able to spot red flags, as well as having some tools to draw the truth out. If you found this guide helpful, consider reblogging so that someone else can find it helpful, too!

[marta-bee]

I keep hearing Gov. Walz's slogan, "Mind your own damned business," in the news. I believe in it - quite a lot! - but I don't see a lot of people recognizing just what it demands. And that worries me, because we've been here before.

Back before gay marriage was legalized, one of the main arguments for doing that was it didn't actually affect straight peoples' marriages at all. Gay people being able to marry didn't mean a single straight couple would have to divorce, it didn't give them any less rights in any way, it just meant gay people had access to the same civil and legal apparatus to build their lives together and have it legally recognized. And a lot of people who didn't approve of homosexuality were still to support gay marriage, because they weren't being asked to support it. It wasn't about that, it was about being fair and not getting all up in someone else's business.

It got more personal after, because unless you're going to have a really narrow definition of what that marriage means, of course it's going to affect all kinds of people. Obergefell didn't go nearly far enough in this area, because gay people were still subject to all kinds of discrimination; as the pundits often quipped, in most of America you could get married on Sunday and fired for it come Monday morning. But even with just the gay marriage description, you have all kinds of businesses saying they didn't want to say they approved of marriage by baking a cake, setting up a wedding website, doing the photos, whatever. Because at that point (they felt) gay marriage did affect them.

I personally think we're all most free when we keep business separate from identity and beliefs. Gay people, racial minorities, women and other non-male genders, trans people, all kinds of groups along those lines should be hired (or not) because they can do the job well. We should buy their product or service because they can do it well (or not). They should be accepted as customers along the same lines. But what about someone who votes for Trump? Who donates to him? Who yells at a local school board meeting about librarians sharing filth with their kids? Who puts a "We support Israel" sign in their shop window or get caught on the news yelling racist screeds while yelling a MAGA hat at a counter-protester?

I don't have an easy answer to all that. I recognize there's a difference between identity and beliefs, though these days in America being in the Trump camp really does feel more like a tribe than an ideology. And emotionally, I sympathize with wanting to call people out for a lot of those behaviors. But rationally, if we're trying to focus on "Mind your own damned business," to focus on being neighbors and helping each other as neighbors rather than on the things they do and believe we disagree with, that does swing both ways.

I actually think this is the defining political question of our age: how much space do we need to make for people to do, say and believe things we find hateful in the public space, and when does that cross over into endorsing those things? To take one example: say someone objected to what HBCU's taught as "critical race theory" (not the actual thing but how right-wingers used the word), they though it was revisionist and anti-white. I'm honestly surprised this hasn't happened yet, given what's argued at the K-12 level. And say this person says, okay, if people want to go there and study that it's none of my business; but if they're using Pell grants and federally-subsidized student loans and the like, they certainly don't want to pay for that with their taxes. Their starting point is ridiculous (but dangerous) nonsense, but that's not the point I'm really interested in. Does minding their own business mean they can't object to their tax dollars paying for it? What if we're not talking about a HBCU but Bob Jones, Hillsdale, or Liberty University, schools with famously fundamentalist curriculum? Does it matter if it's not some universal program but an earned tuition benefit, like the GI Bill?

Or at a more local level: if your neighbor is always posting about how Hamas is a terrorist organization and we need to support Israel on Twitter, is that reason enough not to do your laundry at her laundromat?

I really don't think there's a straightforward, easy answer on all this. All kinds of factors play into specific situations. But I do think "Mind your own damned business," especially when we get into the nitty-gritty of lived reality, is a lot more challenging to us on the left than it seems at first glance. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's bound to involve growing pains, though, and probably a lifetime of struggling for that right balance. Good luck to us all (left and right) with that one....

[potroasttheghostdogpontificates]

The "there's nothing wrong with Biden" camp really needs to quit asking me to source my disataste for the guy, because every time I do, I learn something else about him that I like even less.

I learned when it happened that Biden scapegoated southern migrants in his final State of the Union of his first term, despite previously and currently running against the guy who's entire campaign started with calling hispanic people criminals. Despite his entire electoral strategy being "I know I suck but I'm not this guy", his current plan of action is to be as much like that guy as he possibly can. That's bad enough. Calling mexican people (or, let's face it, every brown-skinned person in the US who doesn't look like any other racialized people, because they get the same shit even if they aren't mexican) "dangerous illegals" and promising to shut down the southern border if Congress lets him, after working on Trump's border wall for him is bad enough for the genocide guy. To know that there was a widow for a racially motivated attack, brought there to serve as a reminder for the increase in racialized violence against this community in the wake of the president who's entire major foci of racism was targeted to this community, present in the audience as he said this, is even worse. To then learn that he brushed it off when pressed with a "well he shouldn't have been here anyway" just pisses me off further.

I knew Biden didn't close thr migrant concentration camps. Bad enough. I was demanded a source. When I provided one from "russian- biased" Al Jazeera, and thus it couldn't be trusted by liberals, I found Reuters. Then I learned he sold them to private prisons, so that he could claim he was closing private prisons because he promised it on the campaign trail. Literally scrubbed the name, let the profiteers keep profiting, and labelled it closed. That is Trump filing off the serial numbers levels of bullshit and he did it.

https://www.reuters.com/world/us/biden-vowed-reform-immigration-detention-instead-private-prisons-benefited-2023-08-07/

As a trans-enby of color, I don't think it's acceptable to shelter a racist just because he gave a tepid shrug in regards to whether or not I should be consumed for protein. That isn't enough to justify the harm this man has explicitly sent the way of racialized peoples. Ues, for the sake of argument here, I am ignoring what his policing policies have done for black people and what his zionism has done for arab people. He's gonna flip on the LGBTQ community, I have zero doubt at this point. He did it to hispanic peoples, and he campaigned on standing up for them. Now he's campaigning on.. well he's camapigning on nothing really. But the queer community, and I suppose the asian community, is about all that's left for him to flip on now isn't it?

I am appalled that neoliberalism has shit the bed this badly and infuriated that then its adherents have the audacity to try and weaponize part of my identity to justify the bastard explicitly trying to kill another part of my identity as any way acceptable. And no, "other guy is gonna be worse" isn't an excuse anymore either. You chose this man. You didn't have to. But you were too cowardly to challenge the status quo and your perceived comfort, because you didn't realize how bad it truly was out here for the people whom neoliberalism has worked tirelessly to make invisible to you. You could've voted for someone else in the primaries. You could have given us someone else. You could have motivated your white friends to actually engage with the political process even a little bit and move them into voting for what they keep claiming to want (even if they don't vote that way). You chose not to. You chose instead, to bully people who have hard-line prinicples on human rights they won't cross just because some ancient white guy feels entitled to playing big boy power-broker. I said it when I voted for the bastard in 2020 that "it doesn't even feel like he wants thos position. It feels like he's campaiging because he expects to get it, like some office suckup wandering late onto a meeting because they figure the promotion is a lock for them." Political fatalism masquerading as "maturity".

Vote for this man or don't. I do not care at this point. If you do, I do not consider you an ally to be trusted. You're in a comfy enough position to feel that there's "no good reason" for marginalized peoples to reject this man, when other guy is "so much worse"? Go on babe enjoy your time, just know you're showing a true face you might not be aware of. Biden feels entitled to power even if he has to kill thousands of children and be a smug prick when called out on it to do so, and the liberals gave it to him, showing their ass the entire time. Revealing their actual contempt for progress and human-rights. Embarassing.

[the-drunken-huntsman]

Hiii arr u willing to answer all the TES months asks for Aneis and Murza and Dire please please please :} I know that's a Lot so if u want to skip over some that is totally understandable hehe

Morning Star - What was the first thing you gave your OC? Name, backstory, design, etc

Aneis: I guess technically the first thing I gave her was her name, even though I've since changed the spelling. I had liked the name Anais before picking up Skyrim (even though I was pronouncing it wrong lol) and had used it for my PC in Pokémon Sword and one of my SDV saves so I just used it again when I started Skyrim. Also side note, I've never watched The Amazing World of Gumball before today while babysitting and I had no clue that was the little sister's name.

Murza: The first thing I came up with for her was just a vague concept. I wanted to play around with mismatched race/class, so of course the first thing I wanted was an orc mage. The second thing I decided for her was that she was gonna be trans because hell yeah.

Dire: The first thing I came up with for him was also a vague concept. I had wanted to make a chaotic evil demigod type character and even though he's changed a lot since initial concept I figured the best way to achieve that would be to make him a demiprince. I wanted him to be kind of conniving and sly and settled on making him the son of Clavicus to get there. Originally he was going to be another one of Aneis' companions who was tagging along just for the vain glory of being a part of the dragonborn's adventures but you know how OCs sometimes seem to have a mind of their own and he eventually got to where he is now :)

Sun's Dawn - Does your OC have a love interest? What is their relationship like?

Aneis: Aneis was always a pretty promiscuous person. She knew she'd have to make Teldryn another one of her conquests from the first moment she saw him without the helmet. They hooked up a few times while traveling on Solstheim, but while going through Nchardak trying to get to the Black Book, he used his whole body to shield her from an automaton that had caught her off guard and that was it, she was done. That night in Severin Manor she sits him down and is like. Look, don't be alarmed and please don't leave because I still need you to guide me around this gods forsaken island. But I think I'm in love with you. To which Teldryn is like

Murza: You know the "me doing whatever my hot witch wife wants" meme? That's Murza and Endurys. However before they were married they were the epitome of idiots in love. Just stupid long stares and longing sighs in camp at night until one day Aneis snaps and shoves them in an inn room together and yells at them to not come out until they've fucked all the yearning out.

Dire: Dire is aroace do no romantic interests for him! But his absolute favorite people in the world are his little cousins and his little brother

First Seed - Does your OC have any enemies or rivals? How did these rivalries start?

Aneis: I know there's lots of people who read into the LDB's relationship to Miraak and how tragic his story is and blah blah blah, he makes my blood boil so Aneis feels the exact same way. As opposed to any other big bad she faces, (Harkon is Serana's White Whale before anyone else, Ulfric had to go for the well-being of the people in her opinion, and defeating Alduin was more for the people she loved and needed to protect than anything else) Miraak makes it personal for her, acting like some sort of sibling rival to her when Akatosh is nothing more to her than a perverted puppet master playing with her fate. She actually loathes any of the Dovah who call her sister without having earned that respect from her first (like Paarthurnax and Odahviing have). As far as she's concerned she only has one father and he never used her to clean up his messes, he gave his life trying to protect his homeland from the Dominion.

Murza: I've been wanting to play around with the concept of Savos Aren being the big bad of the College Quest line as opposed to Ancano. Like Ancano is still evil and shit, but like, Aren was actually in league with him the whole time. He needed the Thalmor's resources to get him to the Eye and the Staff and the second he has what he needs he betrays their shaky alliance. Anyway yeah I think Murza would kinda always be wary of Savos and it would also legitimize her succeeding him as opposed to any other member of the staff if she's the one who was able to fell him.

Dire: I wouldn't say Dire had any real enemies or rivals. I'm kinda keeping his story once he goes adventuring on his own open because of TES:VI supposedly being eminent and I might want to use him in that game. So as of right now, in the Skyrim timeline, he's just a lil guy? Who could hate that?

Rain's Hand - Can your OC use magic? If so what Schools?

Aneis: Aneis knows three spells: close wounds, clairvoyance, and muffle. All taught to her by her father as they're the most useful out in the wild while tracking prey. She can also do a bit of fire magic, but nothing more than just enough to light a campfire. She might later learn heal undead for the sake of Serana though.

Murza: I'm not sure what to say for her. She's the arch mage of course she uses magic. I guess she is particularly adept at conjuration, being a follower of Malacath and having a half daedric son

Dire: Dire would mostly be adept with alteration and illusion, but also conjuration because duh. I could see him as a very small child, using alteration to make his toys move without touching them, a slightly older child summoning small beasts from oblivion to play with (maybe even Uncle Barbas), and when his cousins are babies, using illusion to calm them down and keep them entertained.

Second Seed - Is your OC an alchemist? What do they excel at making?

Aneis: Araneth, Aneis' mother, was an apothecary. In the same way her father passed his hunting prowess to her, her mother also tried to give her as much of her knowledge as she could as well. She didn't much get it or appreciate it while her mother was alive, but later in life she put the effort into actually trying to understand her mother's teachings. She eventually becomes about as skilled as your average professional alchemist.

Murza: Gonna preface this with the fact that I still consider alchemy a school of magic even though it counts as a thief's skill in Skyrim. Anyway I think it would be the one school to slip her grasp. It's just too... material. Breaking an enemy's mind with a flick of her wrist? Summoning a sword from Oblivion that weighs nothing in hand but can slice through trees? Those are the kinds of esoteric things that Murza understands. Plants that need to be boiled at a certain temperature and creatures' innards that need to be removed in an exact precise manner? May as well be Dwemeris to her.

Dire: Dire is like his mother in that alchemy is just too far over his head. But he isn't as frustrated about his lack of comprehension as she is. Why would he need to worry about mixing potions when he can just find them well and good for the taking in every dungeon in Tamriel?

Mid Year - Does your OC have a favourite celebration? Do they celebrate holidays?

Aneis: Hircine's summoning day is a very special time for her. She always spends days hunting before hand, trying to gather as much a variety of pelts and trophies as she can for her offering. This is even though, as his champion, they are definitely not necessary, the woman fells dragons in his name. However she always prepares as much as she can for him, and once summoned she always has the same simple request for him. To deliver a message to her family in the Hunting Grounds, that she loves them, and misses them, and hopes she is making them proud.

Murza: Murza always tries to make it a point to be home at Lakeview Manor for the Witches Fest. She loves seeing the children dressed up and doing little tricks to entertain them. (This goes along with the headcanon that Lakeview Manor would eventually have a little village crop up around it)

Dire: He would very much enjoy the Jester's Festival, but his absolute favorite is Clavicus' summoning day. I've joked before that it's the only time he gets to play catch with his dad, but since he is also a small aspect of Vile in and of himself, I think the whole day he'd just feel a little closer to Oblivion and it makes him feel whole.

Sun's Height - What is your OC's favourite shop, in any of the games; what do they buy the most of?

Aneis: Aneis adores The Drunken Huntsman. Anoriath is a very talented fletcher and Elrindir is always game to swap hunting stories. They make the whole establishment feel like what she's been missing from Valenwood all these years away, even as a wooded building. They're probably the only people in Tamriel she trusts to service her family bow.

Murza: Murza actually likes hanging around Tel Mithryn. Neloth always has interesting, useful things to sell to her and she suspects he likes her company as she's much quicker to catch onto his teachings than his actual apprentice (sorry, Talvas).

Dire: Even though Enthir's displeasure at having a child on college grounds was always well known to Dire, he still likes bugging him to show him all the weird, cool things he has for sale, which he has no intention of buying. Just looking and maybe a little swiping to play with later.

Last Seed - What weapon does your OC use? Who taught them how to use it?

Aneis: Aneis' main weapons are her family's heirloom bow and the battleaxe gifted to her by Balgruuf. Her father taught her how to shoot and she's self taught with the axe. She'd honestly never touched a two handed weapon in her life before but she thought the nords might think it a great insult for her to not use a weapon gifted to her by the Jarl, so she just swung it around until she found what felt good and did the most damage.

Murza: Murza got her base knowledge of magic from Atub, but growing up in the stronghold she was also expected to learn to swing a sword. Though the swords she uses now are less... mundane. She uses summoned weapons. Idk if that got across lol.

Dire: Dire has had a natural affinity for magic since birth but he hones his craft under the tutelage of his mother and the other professors of Winterhold.

Hearthfire - Does your OC have a family (blood or found)? Who are they closest to?

I can answer this generally for all three characters. The whole of the found family (the people who live at Lakeview Manor) are Aneis, Murza, Teldryn, Endurys, Dire, Hab, Cinuri, Braiel, and the dogs, Sable and Merc. Aneis and Murza are closest to each other platonically, and though he'd never admit it, Dire is closest to Cinuri, she's his best friend.

Frost Fall - Where is your OC's primary residence? What city is there favourite?

Aneis: Aneis knows most of the Bosmer living in Skyrim find The Rift to be the closest approximate to their homeland, she finds the quite, backwoods nature of Falkreath reminds her much more of the area she grew up in. Of course she loves her quite little life on the homestead, surrounded by all her loved ones.

Murza: Technically, Murza's main residence is the college, but she tends not to spend much time there, mainly because she gets lonely. Endurys hates the cold having grown up in the shit hole of Eastmarch and avoids the college as much as possible and Aneis only goes if she's asked to specifically by Murza. So she ends up spending most of her year in Lakeview.

Dire: His parents have determined its much better for him to grow up in an actual stable home surrounded by actual stable adults, so most of his childhood is spent in Lakeview. However, once in a while, Murza will bring him with her on her trips to the college and he loves it. So many places to explore and get into trouble and so many people to bug until they relent and teach him something new.

Sun's Dusk - Is your OC religious? If so, who do they follow?

Aneis: Aneis' grandmother was a priestess of Hircine, her father a priest, and the rest of her family devotees. Their whole devotion is based on having such hunting prowess on their own, they have no need for the gift of the beast blood. This of course culminated in Aneis literally being born to be the greatest hunter of the greatest prey, the Last Dragonborn.

Murza: Murza has always felt like an outsider, even within her own tribe growing up, so she finds a lot of solace in the tenants of Malacath. She also keeps a quiet reverence for Dibella, as her priestesses were the ones who helped her become her most true self.

Dire: Dire doesn't really necessarily worship Clavicus Vile, he just kinda has this air of thankfulness around the subject of his daedric parent. After all it is through his connection to Oblivion that he is able to help so many people and keep his family together in the afterlife.

Evening Star - When is your OC's birthday?

Aneis: 27th of Hearthfire, 4E 153

Murza: 21st of Sun's Dusk, 4E 165

Dire: 30th of Mid Year, 4E 206

[aeide-thea]

very much an off-the-cuff post so there may well be bugs, i'm still workshopping my thinking here, but—

i seem to see posts fairly regularly in which a member of some marginalized group A is objecting to attempts by less marginalized group B to make connections between discrimination against A and harm experienced by B (the main thing i have in mind here is when people attempt to align themselves with visibly-trans people by pointing out the ways that transphobic legislation also impacts gnc cis people, theatrical crossdressing, &c, but there are definitely also examples along other axes)—

and like. the main objection i've seen from A is 'why do they have to connect my experience to their experience in order to care about it? why can't they just agree that i shouldn't be discriminated against as a matter of, like, compassion for fellow humanity?'

and this reaction does honestly always just seem a little, idk, naive to me?? like, i don't know, it's gotten very popular ime to complain about normies' clumsy attempts to Understand Instead of Just Accepting [this feels potentially linked to like. the way many of us now prefer silently clicking 'like' to producing our own original, maybe clumsy, responses? but don't @ me on that point], probably because a lot of the time they aren't genuinely seeking to Understand but just to point out all the ways our queerness &c doesn't fit their received (unexaminedly conservative) understanding of the world, which feels to us (very reasonably!) like renewed pressure from the establishment to make ourselves fit that established framework, and so we resist… but at the same time, idk, maybe i'm just outing myself as lesser-than-thou here, but for every sort of person i was raised to distrust and have since arrived at genuine loving acceptance/appreciation of, it's involved first coming to understand their frame of reference at least a little? not to say that there isn't a place for shutting up and listening while you're still working to understand, because there definitely is! but i do kind of think this idea that's become popular in certain liberal circles of like, 'you don't have to understand my experience, you just have to respect it,' is fine and true for keeping peace with strangers, but really isn't a recipe for winning friends or influencing people—it's a recipe for keeping people at arm's length where they can't hit you. and then people turn around and want to apply that rule to coalition-building, and get all shocked-pikachu-face when others seek to identify more active points of connection.

...

another ~Radical Objection to Liberal Approaches~ i've seen, though often not specifically in this context (of discussing the way attempts to oppress A have knock-on effects for B), is like—'there's no point in deconstructing their logic because it's fundamentally illogical! insert that sartre quote abt anti-semites!' and like. no, there's absolutely no point in debating their logic with them. but fundamentally when people assert a logical resistance to bigoted positions they are not doing it to Own The Bigots, imo, or at any rate shouldn't be; they're (we're) doing it to reaffirm the basis of their/our own camp's position, namely, we see your knee-jerk fears and reject them; we substitute instead a patient allegiance to logic, that reasons its way into compassion.

that said, obviously there's a conversation to be had here about, like, platforming bad positions, and to what extent deconstructing them is implicitly platforming them! but. i do think that complaining that logic won't win over bigots is missing the very fundamental point that the logic isn't for the bigots: it's for us. we're talking to ourselves; we're affirming ourselves. and yeah, we need to understand that this sort of intra-party discussion doesn't, on its own, constitute sufficient activism! messages need to be communicated beyond the bounds of the party! but i do think i disagree that there's no place for it.

[scarletttries]

hello! it's me again, dude with request about kendall roy x trans-man!reader. i saw your wedding event, so i want to make another one request, but on the subject of this event, if possible. take your time, i wish you inspiration and the best of luck in preparing for your own wedding! i don't know what exactly to tell about myself, what kind of information will be useful, but i'll try! i'm a silly goofy ukrainian trans man. i am short, i have black short hair and sad dark blue eyes. i pretend to be a bad boy, but all my friends will say with confidence that i have a heart of gold. i'm bisexual but very gay for kendall roy kldajkljdd. i don't know for sure about my dream date, but maybe it was time in nature as far away from people as possible, just me, kendall and the forest. i don't have many ideas for my wedding too, but i think i would wear a floral print black suit and a traditional ukrainian embroidered shirt (vyshyvanka). thanks in advance and with you good luck again!

Thank you so much for this request and your well wishes for my wedding! Also I love this description of you, and I ship you with a fellow bad boy with a heart of gold.... Kendall Roy! ☺️💛

- I picture you and Kendall meeting at a campsite in the middle of the forest somewhere in Europe. You're there to enjoy to the beautiful scenery, and he's trying to find some inner peace and sense of purpose after all the bullshit the last few years of Waystar have thrown at him.

- Kendall would be confident he could survive the wilderness alone despite having no experience doing anything for himself, so don't be surprised when you offer him some help setting up a tent and he tells you he doesn't need it, despite watching him struggle with it for several hours. Eventually as it gets dark he'll come crawling back for help, impressed by how at peace you seem out in nature and sure he could learn a lot from you.

- By the end of a weekend in the forest you and Kendall will be sharing a campfire in remote sites where no-one else will bump into you, swapping stories about why you're trying to get away from it all, bonding over all the little forest creatures that try to come up to you to steal little bits of the food you brought.

- Kendall would ask for your number, saying it's just to be camping buddies, but a few days would go by and he would know deep down it's more than that. He would miss your goofy sense of humour and the way you made him laugh with his whole body, a kind of joy he couldn't remember when he last felt.

- It's less than a week later that he's asking if he can come visit you, or fly you out to see him, quickly moving your friendship to a relationship as you start to spend more and more time together. Kendall feels like you are his perfect escape from all the stresses and pressure of his life, a safe place he can be himself and rest easy with someone he trusts.

- Kendall would love the way you appreciate nature, looking at everywhere the two of you visit in a completely new way and growing to enjoy the simple things a lot more in his own life. That doesn't mean he won't occasionally beg you to stay in a five-star hotel with him, which I'm sure you won't argue with too much!

- To propose he'd hire out one of those elaborate tree houses that let you look across the top of a rainforest and have your own private, luxury cabin in the sky.

- Kendall would be so excited to go wedding suit shopping with you, torn over whether to keep his outfit as a surprise, or embrace being able to go through this whole experience together. When he sees the traditional ukrainian vyshyvanka you've picked out he would be so incredibly moved, so proud of the way you embrace your heritage and just how gorgeous you look for your perfect day together.