#anyway. a great example of a post by someone with adhd that will probably be prohibitively difficult for other ppl with adhd to read!

[bluedalahorse]

A highly incomplete introduction to AuDHD for YR fans who want to write more Sara Eriksson

Greetings, friends! In my time in the Young Royals fandom, I’ve seen a few people mention they were interested writing Sara but they didn’t know how to approach her neurodivergence, or that they find it intimidating. I figured it might be worth compiling a post where I share both ADHD and autism resources I’ve found helpful, as well as elements of my personal experience I draw on when writing Sara.

This post is by no means exhaustive, and I could probably say a lot more. But I figured I’d get it out there in case it was helpful to anyone else.

Part One: Resources and Such

Yo Samdy Sam is an AuDHD vlogger who talks about her experiences, and I find her video about how autism and ADHD show up together pretty informative. Since Sara is both it’s good to have a grasp on these nuances! Yo Samdy Sam’s other videos are also ones I’d recommend.

I’m autistic, now what? is also a good channel to check out for someone talking about their day to day experiences of autism. Her videos are a little longer, but she focuses often on how things have changed from her childhood to her adulthood, which can be helpful if you’re thinking about Sara at different ages/writing flashbacks/working on fic set in the future/etc.

Chloe Hayden, who stars in another teen drama called Heartbreak High, is both autistic and ADHD, and very fun and positive. She presents quite differently than Sara does—lots more talking and energy—but I think she’s a good example of every neurodivergent person presenting differently. Also, people should watch Heartbreak High and write me some fic where Sara and Quinni meet because I want it.

How to ADHD is mostly geared toward practical life skills when you’ve got ADHD, but it doesn’t neglect the way those interact with emotional well-being. Sara might try some of these strategies while working on her school work and chores, either because an adult recommended she do so or because it’s part of a system she worked out for herself. Also, the videos are perfectly designed for ADHD brains, and i have acquired many ways to self-accommodate by watching them.

Jessie Gender is autistic and does commentary about lots of nerdy things and trans rights. I really liked her video on The Queen’s Gambit where she talks about autistic girls and sex. If you’re planning to write spicer fic about Sara (which people should write more of imo) then Jessie might be a good resource!

Marieke Nijkamp is a multiply disabled author, and one of her disabilities is autism. I still have to get around to reading her novel length books but her short story “Better For All the World” made me cry and is one of my formative sargust mentor texts. I really recommend it if you can get a hold of the anthology The Radical Element. (Although, heads up, the story deals with the Buck v Bell case of 1927, which is difficult subject matter.)

Disability in Kidlit has some great resources on writing autistic characters from a craft perspective. If you’re going to write specifically from Sara’s point of view, or even if you’re not, it’s worth reading this article about the autistic voice in fiction and this article about humanizing autistic characters. Other articles on the site are also great!

I’m going to talk more about my personal experiences under the cut below…

Part 2: My personal experiences & takeaways

Sooooo if you’ve met one AuDHD person, you’ve met one AuDHD person. I can’t really claim to speak for all AuDHD people, and I’ve only recently gotten my diagnosis anyway. That said, a lot of my own personal experience colors how I write Sara. So in the interest of transparency, I’ve gone ahead and listed some of the things I’ve thought about when I write her.

An important note before I get started—this is not, actually, meta or analysis of the show. I’m not trying to tell you want I “really” think is going on with Sara Eriksson, or what the writers intended, or what the show is saying. You may read her differently, and I’m sure your interpretation is just as informed by your own experiences as mine. So please don’t take this as a criticism if your interpretation is different.

What I am explaining here instead are the ways that my personal experiences as an AuDHD person have influenced my perception of Sara, which in turn translates to how I’ve made sense of her storyline and written her in fanfic. None of these are “excuses,” but they are explorations. You can look at it as me examining my own thinking and writing process. I’m also opening up about some of my experiences and being a little bit vulnerable. If you have questions about any of these things below, or you want to know more for your own fic, you are always welcome to message me. I may not be able to get back to you right away but I can help however I am able. There are also some things I might feel more comfortable discussing in depth one-on-one, so direct messages might be better in that case, too.

Anyway, let’s begin…

Polarized strengths and weaknesses: In my own experience as an AuDHD person there are some pretty dramatic contrasts between what I’m good at and what I suck at. I’m in the 99% percentile in some skills and the 2% percentile in others. This adds up to stuff like, I read the Sherlock Holmes stories for the first time when I was eight and Les Misérables when I was eleven, but I cannot drive a car or learn a choreographed dance no matter how hard I try. This is inexplicable to some people because they’re like, omg but you know all these advanced words! Surely if you can’t drive a car, it’s just because you aren’t trying hard enough! Likewise I think it makes sense to write Sara with a spiky profile of her own, and have characters react to that accordingly.

Perceptions of maturity: AuDHD adults aren’t children. AuDHD teenagers aren’t children either. And yet part of ableism is the infantilization of AuDHD people. I don’t have a lot of huge narrative squicks, but this is one of them, and it’s rooted in frustrations I’ve had over people treating me like I’m still a child. I always write Sara as the age she’s intended to be in the fic. If I see fanfic scenes or headcanon scenarios where someone is treating Sara like she’s five, and that’s spun as positive or never questioned, it can make me really upset and it’s an immediate back button. This is something I would recommend writers be on the lookout for if they’re incorporating Sara into a scene. Maybe this one bullet point is spinning a little far into criticism of other folks, but I think if I could communicate one thing to other people writing Sara, this would be it.

Special interests/hyperfixations: The thing about special interests is that autistic people often turn to them to replenish their energy and get their nervous systems back to a state of equilibrium. (For instance, me writing this post right now about my blorbo Sara Eriksson is me engaging with a special interest to put my nervous system in a state of equilibrium and put energy back in my body.) Sara’s time spent with Rousseau isn’t just wonderful because she loves horses, it’s also something that’s probably helping her recharge after a complicated day of navigating social situations at Hillerska. This is why she panics at the thought of losing Rousseau. Now, there’s still issues here in that Rousseau isn’t actually Sara’s horse. And I do think many teenage and adult autistics with low support needs, like Sara, understand that they can’t engage with their special interests all the time. But in order to write and understand Sara, I have to understand that she’s counting on Rousseau and horses more generally as something that helps her self-regulate and stay grounded. (In Heart and Homeland I also added art as one of her hyperfixations, so she often draws to recharge and make sense of things.)

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is essentially a trait people can have where they struggle to read their own emotions. It’s pretty common in autistic people and other neurodivergent folk; I have a mild version of it. For me, tuning into my emotions is a bit like trying to figure out what song is playing on a staticy radio. I might have to wait and “mess with the dial” a bit before I can fully understand what I’m feeling in a given situation. The question “how are you?” is a bit of a nightmare for me sometimes. Because my alexithymia is mild, I usually can figure out what I’m feeling in time, but I still often need extra effort to discern the nuances. I tend to apply this trait to Sara when I write her, mostly because she seems to need to sit with her feelings to understand how they’re affecting her. This is most evident when she’s trying to figure out if she like-likes August, though it comes out in other ways, too. Sara might just need a lot of time to process her emotions. Even when she’s showing her emotions and in them, they might take a lot of time to leave her system, and she might not catch on to how they’re affecting her right away. In Heart and Homeland, part of the reason Sara keeps a diary in the first place is so she can sort through what she’s feeling.

Heightened empathy: There’s an old stereotype that autistic people don’t have any empathy. This is not true, and some autistics even have an excess of empathy. I would argue that Sara (at least the way I interpret and write her) is one of them. This may seem counterintutive to some, as I have seen people argue that she is insufficiently empathetic to Simon and/or Linda. I see it differently, however. In my own experience, having an excess of empathy doesn’t always mean that I come across as loving and sweet to the people in my life. Sometimes it can make it so you’re so full of feelings toward others that you can’t act. I often function clumsily in conflicts, and feel like I’m caught between different parties, especially if it’s a situation where everyone appears to be hurting. It’s enough to make me shut down and not do anything, or even side with the person who to everyone else is obviously wrong. Especially when I was a teenager, the answer about “who to side with” in a conflict wasn’t always clear to me. For instance, in college, I dated a girl who constantly belittled me and many of my friends, and I let her get away with it because I was sensitive to the ways she was genuinely hurting about life. I am not proud of it now, and I did break up with her eventually and made efforts to patch things up with my friends when I could, but it also took me two and a half years to get there. Thanks to life experience and therapy, I am now better at recognizing red flags and overriding my excess empathy to call people out on their shit when they need it. It took me time, though, and I can’t help reading a lot of that into Sara. In a way, I tend to think her hope that August will own up to his actions is born out of heightened empathy for both August and Simon. She pins her hopes on this solution because, in her mind, it meets Simon’s needs because the person who harmed him has come forward and is willing to be held accountable for his actions and it meets August’s needs because he can find relief in owning up to his shit and stop drowning in regret. Now, yes, Sara is absolutely misleading herself and ignoring crucial details of the situation because she’s in love, and she does misread what Simon actually needs in the situation. This is very typically teenage. At the same time, when I write her in fic, I see this as tied to an excess of empathy, and not a lack of it.

Inertia/Executive Functioning Struggles: Building on what was said above… some AuDHD people (like myself) can really struggle with making a plan and getting started on tasks, and the bigger the task, the bigger the struggle. “Tasks” is a word we usually apply to things like doing laundry, so we tend to think of executive functioning as an unemotional thing, but it can also apply to emotional stuff like, say, having a big conversation that needs to be had or breaking up with someone you know you need to. (Like I said above. Two and a half years with that shitty person in college!) In fact, I would say inertia can even make things harder with social/emotional stuff, because math homework is at least consistently math homework, but social/emotional situations can shift and become more complicated over time. At Hillerska, we see Sara get involved in ever-shifting social politics, and it takes things escalating to the field scene for her to take action at the end of S2. (In a more minor example, Sara taking a while to get ready in the parents’ weekend episode, and Linda rushing her out the door, is a great example of Sara being affected by inertia.)

Menstrual ick: Increasing numbers of studies show that people with uteruses who have ADHD, autism, or both are way more likely to have painful periods and PMDD. This is true for me—one of the biggest signs that my period is coming is that I am absolutely convinced everyone hates me. I don’t know how to apply this to Sara directly, but periods are part of life and if you happen to write about her dealing with menstrual nonsense, this might be something to keep in mind.

Sensory issues: A lot of people are aware of sensory issues for neurodivergents, and every neurodivergent experiences sensory issues differently, and not always in ways that are immediately apparent to neurotypicals. For me, I hate vacuums and car horns and bananas, but for my roommate, she hates any lights on after 7 PM and finds chocolate overwhelming. Sara doesn’t mention any particular sensory issues, but presumably she has some and masks her reactions, so uh… make up the ones that make sense to you, I guess. Or, don’t make them up, but maybe read about a bunch of different people’s experiences of sensory issues and work from there. External stuff like being tired, sick, or being on one’s period can heighten sensory issues, so think about vulnerability factors that might increase them for Sara.

Rejection sensitivity: Many people with ADHD feel rejection or criticism from others with a high level of intensity, even as physical pain. (Fun fact: PMS makes my rejection sensitivity even worse!) I don’t know if we see Sara feeling rejection sensitivity onscreen much in YR, but I can’t help but imagine she’s dealt with it in the past, based on the way she says she sometimes feels like the worst person in the world, when she’s talking to August in 2.3. If Sara’s had therapy (which I assume she’s had in some form because she knows breathing exercises) then maybe this is something she’s worked on coping strategies.

Accommodations in school: I don’t actually know how this works in Sweden specifically or at a school like Hillerska, but I’d love to hear how it works! Someone else should weigh in if they know things. But I would not be surprised if Sara has the legal right to certain accommodations in school such as extended time on tests, guided notes, etc. (Not being Swedish myself, I’m not sure what the equivalent to the Americans With Disabilities Act would be in Sweden.) One thing to note here is that Sara would get to decide herself whether she actually uses her accommodations or not. I would say, based on my observations of teenagers, is that some neurodivergent teenagers tend not to use their accommodations so they can avoid sticking out among their peers. This seems like it might be the case for Sara, since she wants to make friends at Hillerska and not stand out. The other thing she might encounter at Hillerska specifically is teachers who don’t want to meet those accommodations because they’re “old school” and, frankly, ableist. Accommodations are something one should take into account when writing Sara’s academic life, though.

Double empathy problem: This is something that the psych community is talking about more lately, and essentially the idea here is that neurotypicals communicate best with other neurotypicals whereas neurodivergents communicate best with other neurodivergents. That doesn’t mean both groups can’t communicate with one another (and even reducing it to two groups is kind of oversimplifying things, because obviously culture and other things impact communication too) but there are different patterns of communication at work here. In my own life, I vibe well with people whose neurotypes are similar to mine—this is exactly why @coruscantrhapsody and I are such iconic roommates. The Double Empathy Problen is theorized to have played a role in stereotypes about autistic people not having any empathy. (PS: I don’t actually think August has undiagnosed ADHD in canon, at least not according to the writers. Still, I think it would be pretty interesting to write him in fanfiction as someone who has a missed childhood diagnosis given the way he struggles with rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotion regulation, and the way that the adderall addiction could be a form of self-medication that has gone awry. For that reason I think it’d be interesting to see a fic where the sargust relationship is viewed through the lens of the double empathy problem. Obviously not in a way where the ADHD excuses August’s harmful behaviors, but you know. An added layer of delicious nuance. Alternately, I know some folks like to headcanon Wille as autistic. Sara really clicking with autistic!Wille when they finally get a chance to talk is something I’d like to see!)

Neurodivergent community: As far as I can tell, Sara doesn’t really have neurodivergent community. This makes me sad, as someone who strongly benefits from friendships with other neurodivergent people. I would like her to have some in someone’s fic, please! Let me know if you write it.

That’s all for now… maybe I’ll add more in a future post.

For any other AuDHDers, do you have any elements of your personal experience that you incorporate into how you interpret or write Sara’s character? Feel free to reblog and add on, if you feel so inclined. (But also, no pressure.) Like I said, every ND person experiences this stuff differently, so someone else may have completely different experiences than me.

[rizz-penguin]

something I posted on reddit lmao I just wanna see if it would get some traction here on tumblr :) (reddit user is rizz-penguin btw)

There are a few things I want to say in this post so I'll probably break it up into a few parts. TL;DR is at the end because, but I'd prefer if you read the whole thing because 1. you're cool. and 2. I actually spent a while trying to word this all correctly lol.

1. There are a very significant amount of neurodivergent coded characters, and specifically, autistic coded characters in Star Trek, especially compared to other media (even media that prides itself on representation often falls short on that of disability rep, I've seen). The first that come to mind for me are Data, Spock, Odo, and the Doctor. I myself am neurodivergent, and the ND-coded characters have always spoke to me. I finally had proper representation that wasn't TRYING to be good. It was just...representation. And while I think that there are definitely parts that aren't super well done, overall, the disability/ND rep is pretty awesome!

2. However, at least in the shows I've watched (TOS, TNG, most of DS9, VOY, and SNW), only one female character stands out as intentionally autistic coded and that's Seven. And, don't get me wrong, she's great representation, just like the rest, but it just annoys me. The experiences of neurodivergent women and are so vastly different from those of neurodivergent men, and there's a single character to demonstrate it? I don't know, it just...bothers me. And, as I've said, this aspect of Seven's character is awesome, we see her experiences and traits that could be attributed to neurodiverence and how they compare to the traits that characters in the show like The Doctor or even Tom have. But still, I just feel like there's so little ND women in Star Trek which just seems...unrealistic. And, yes, I know it's a sci-fi show and Voyager especially is very unrealistic but regardless, fiction has always and will always be a reflection of the real world and how we wish or don't wish it was and bla bla bla dystopia George Orwell Ray Bradbury books 1984 bla bla bla can you tell I've read a total of 1 dystopian novels and it wasn't Fahrenheit 451 (you get my point). Anyway, my point is, the concept and the plot might not need realism, but the characters and their relationships to one another do.

3. Finally, now that I've rambled I just want to tell you a character I think was a HUGE missed opportunity for ND rep.

Janeway. I really don't know if I'm crazy but she comes off as very obviously neurodivergent. Specifically OCD, ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. The latter feels a bit more obvious I think. She is impulsive, she tends to take a like...actually insane amount of risks, she tends to make very drastic decisions without actually considering the effects (there are tons of examples but my favorite is Equinox. I also just really like that episode lol). There's points where she becomes incredibly isolated and depressed (though I guess you could just attribute that to her being thousands of light-years away from everything that she loves), and also. The coffee. That's like a ritualistic thing for her. That's more of a stereotypica

l trait of someone who js ND but it's a trait nonetheless. Unless I interpreted her coffee obsession wrong. I also think it would've been interesting to have a neurodivergent character in a position of power and see how they handle it and deal with the pressure. I think that Janeway's way of dealing with pressure is definitely explored by the show, but through the lens of a neurodivergent woman, I think it would've been much more interesting and powerful.

And thats all basically. I just thought this would be an interesting thing to discuss, even if people online are constantly talking about Star Trek and it's representation, I think (emphasis on THINK) I'm bringing a new concept to this sort of discussion. I'm curious if you guys have any characters you see as ND/ND coded that I didn't mention

TL;DR:

Read the intro. I know you can do it.

1. Star Trek has good ND rep, but there are definitely valid criticisms.

2. There are a surprising lack of ND women in Star Trek. Even so, Seven is a great piece of representation and contrasts well with other ND characters in Voyager.

3. I think Janeway was a missed opportunity for ND rep.

Read the conclusion. I know you can do it.

[hotchfiles]

Hi sweets, so only you obv don’t have to answer this if you don‘t want to, I just have a question!

So how do I start being me unapologetically?

Like I mean even online (tumblr, twitter, etc) I‘m so scared of being perceived, especially in a way I don’t want to be perceived but I so badly want to interact with people that I share the same interest with!

I’m so so socially bad that I usually look at other peoples posts to see how it is acceptable to be online, like when I do answer someone’s tweet I literally analyze how they interact with others and try to mirror that so they won‘t think I‘m weird or whatever. And I know that alone is probably weird/creepy? But idk I just always have been bad at any kind of social interaction, I only learned how to mirror behavior and well you get older and understand more lol

You are you, as you should, so freely and I just want this too but what if the people I like think bad about me and don’t want to interact at all and I don’t notice it because I don‘t get social cues? (I don’t think I have to mention I‘m neurodivergent :‘) )

so..any tips haha?

first of all, thank you so much for thinking of me for this, it makes me genuinely happy that my personality does show thru my posts

now, I think maybe an autistic person might give better advice on this, because I might be wrong for assuming this but such an extensive struggle with what you described is very prevalent with autism

as someone with adhd, I did mask for a lot of things, but my impulsiveness makes it pretty impossible to not be me, I just be talkin and posting, really, no thoughts behind these eyes

I've also built my personality online, I got my first PC way too early, and also my first smartphone, I was a chronic twitter user from 2009 to last year, so I've used my space online to be the person my parents wouldn't let me be, always, I guess that helps with being so unapologetically me

I'm sure you're more you than you realize, and that you are more similar to the people you like here then you think. but what really matters is that If anyone thinks bad of you, they are not your people

most people are here to make friends, and you will hit it off great with some, and the conversation won't flow as well with others, but that won't mean they don't want to talk to you, it's just how we are as people, some friendships bloom quick, and some interactions don't flow that great (I post a lot, for example, but I'm a terrible DMer, anyone here can attest)

anyway, I don't know how to help you be more you, but I'm sure letting go of those fears is a big part of it

[lonelinessisadisease]

So, as someone who used to be on ADHD meds and has ADHD, I'll say the most important thing to note is that ADHD meds don't give you energy, they're meant to evenly distribute the energy that's already there.

That is, instead of bursts of passion and then staring at the wall doing nothing or doomscrolling your phone for six hours, the meds lend themselves to a more regulated day.

This includes energy, time, and emotions. This is where people tend to say that it makes you a "Boring Adult," thought for most people this isn't quite how it works.

For some people, yeah, they'll get you working productive and easy all day long, and that's great! But a lot of times your first meds don't work right, and even when they do, you shouldn't go in expecting perfect, expect better. If you don't see a symptom reduction that means they aren't working*.

If it goes well, expect having an easier time coordinating tasks, starting/stopping activities, and regulating emotions, time, and productivity.

With that said, some warning signs that can come along with that are: lightheadedness, brain fog, stomach trouble, increased anxiety, sleep issues, and a few others, but the most damning as a writer was definitely the brain fog.

For most people, these symptoms will clear up shortly on their own, but sometimes the specific meds just aren't right and the symptoms don't go away.

Usually, the first meds you take will be wrong in some way, usually either in type or dosage, and there will be a period of figuring out what's best. Expect to have an adjustment period where things might be even more difficult for a little while, but if it stays that way then the meds probably aren't the right fit. Expect to have to experiment a bit with this.

Additionally, for some people with ADHD, especially if they have other comorbidities like autism, meds just might not be the right step. The way internal processes work when disorders interact can sometimes be more difficult to treat/manage.

*A note: for me personally, meds didn't seem to work at all until I stopped taking them, and realized writing/reading/thinking got harder once I was off them. So for me, the symptom reduction was marginal, but I considered it still better than without. I also did well with non-stimulant ADHD medication, and stimulant ones like Adderall tended to turn me into a walking zombie, although this tends to be different for each person and can change depending on their age.

Now, for the internal processing and the writing process itself, there were some changes. For me personally, it got easier to stick to the story I was writing.

For example, without the medication I tend to get distracted every other line about what's important (you can probably see that in this post, too, rip). With the medication, I found it easier to hold onto the bigger picture as I wrote it, instead of scrambling at the end to try and make it all make sense.

Emotionally, I found it easier to write intense scenes without feeling the negative effects afterward (e.g. wrote sad scene now I feel empty for six hours). I got less frustrated about writing as a whole and most importantly (at least for me), I no longer needed to be "in the zone" to get writing done. I could just do it.

The "zone" that I build when off my ADHD medication tends to be a fake one, barriers that don't do anything but stop me from writing until it feels right or I have enough energy to power through and do it anyway. With the meds, these barriers weren't gone but they were certainly lowered a lot.

Among other things, executive dysfunction probably won't go away entirely, but it should get easier to manage and less severe.

Another cognitive processes that was really helped along by the ADHD meds was my working memory. See, without any medications, I'm always scrambling to remember what I wrote, how I thought it, and where I was going with it. ADHD meds helped my short-term memory improve dramatically, and my writing grew consistency (both in how often I did it and the style of each work).

Long-story short-story, expect an adjustment period and an ease of symptoms, though this might only happen after you find the right med(s) for you or might not happen at all if meds aren't the right fit. Symptoms can appear or get worse when starting a new med, but if this doesn't die down within the time listed (usually by your doctor or the medication brand itself) or the symptoms are severe, it might be time to try a different one. Personally, I found writing easier on medication, and I wish you luck on your journey.

(If you have any specific questions relating to the diagnosing/medication treatment process, feel free to DM me about it.)

Dear ADHD people,

So I've been struggling with undiagnosed / untreated ADHD for a huge chunk of my life, to the point I'm considering getting some diagnosis and eventually some meds.

The thing is - I'm a writer and I'm curious how do the ADHD meds affect the writing process. I guess they can either turn me into an unstoppable writing machine without any procrastination and distractions, OR they'll make me lose my edge and turn me into a Normal Boring Adult™ - sometimes I think it's the utter mess in my head that allows me to commit acts of half-decent writing.

Does anyone have any experience? Is there anything else about treating ADHD I should know?

Thanks a bunch!

[bonefall]

two questions:

1. do you have a masterpost of bb? more specifically, do you have a timeline masterpost? i can't remember if i've read it or not

2. was explaining your sol possession thing to a friend who is also into warriors @alphabetbill. she was curious about the whole possession thing in general, specifically with bramble in whatever arc he gets possessed in (i haven't read it so i haven't read your posts on bb for that yet)

anyway love reading ur posts in general, haven't stopped thinking about them for like a month. rereading warriors and doing my own rewrite now bc man, this got me hella excited

My inability to create a proper masterpost is legendary. ADHD culture is saying, "Today I will do X" and then doing both Y and Z as X never happens.

But I DO have THIS, the Better Bones History Lesson. It's a great overview of everything so far! I plan to eventually compile all the little details of each, but start there.

On Possession

The rule of possession is that it's VERY hard to do if you don't let them into your heart. Any ghost can do it in less than one lesson, but they need to be channeled first. It would be possible, for example, for Mapleshade to possess someone... but not until she got someone to channel her.

Ashfur couldn't have done what he did if he didn't have help, and if he didn't know to strike when Bramblestar was already out of his body. Bramble is currently the only example of an unwilling possession.

(and btw this happens in what I call the Reckoning Era, which is TBC. I give time periods a unique name, like for example, the Campaign Era is the time after MV but before Brokenstar's reign)

Other times that cats have been possessed, all of these willingly;

Jay's Wing, Half Moon, and Lion's Roar to channel their gods to oppose Holly Leaves

Fallenleaf, with Sol, back as Hollyleaf and Holly Leaves.

Firestar and Brokenstar, when they were rebuilding SkyClan

Rootspring when he was imprisoned, Hawkfrost used his body to pummel Darkstripe

Applefur, Ratscar, and Redwillow were probably possessed by Dark Forest cats when they were lording over ShadowClan in OotS, after the death of Russetfur, to make them stronger.

When you're possessed, your extra spirit acts like something sharing your body. You are able to fight against it just as much as it can fight against you. Fallenleaf traps Sol within herself, but still has to be careful to not let it take over.

Meanwhile, if Ratscar and Shredtail were possession-buddies in ShadowClan for that time in OotS, they would be fighting with more synchronicity. Like the strength of Shredtail is amplifying Ratscar's blows and reaction time.

[jemtokall]

zack for the hcs ask post?

Oh gosh I didn't expect someone to ask me anything from that post LMAO but I can never say no to spewing my thoughts about mister Zack Fair <3

Headcanon A: what I think realistically —

Has ADHD!

Zack's favorite stim is doing squats!

He catches social cues but will ignore them (exhibit A, the girl at front desk who didn't care for his flirty advances until he became 1st class. Zack probably asked her on a date before and got rejected, and he didn't try again) (exhibit B, very often people tell him that Shinra/SOLDIER is in the wrong and

Gets the zoomies (which is a great quality for a SOLDIER operative)

Gets distracted easily! Look at how many side and fetch quests he has piled up...

2. He gives the gentlest of hugs to his friends, but when it comes to Angeal he gives him the bear crushing hugs

3. BISEXUAL KING <333

4. Naturally had brown eyes before he joined SOLDIER and got mako blue eyes

B: what I think is fucking hilarious —

Zack thought of Angeal as his dad. Sephiroth and Genesis were secondary fathers, so the entire events of Crisis Core felt like a huge divorce (I mean, the events of the game are still painful, but it hurts less by thinking of it as a divorce)

He shows to be grossed out by bugs in game, but I believe he ate them as a child. Gongaga was full of them! He outgrew it when he moved to Midgar and there weren't as many bugs everywhere

Zack adopted several pet fish in his lifetime, all of them eventually died due to Zack being gone for long periods at a time for missions. But Angeal didn't have the heart to break the news to Zack, so he replaced them fish with a googly eyed rock. Zack never knew the difference.

Takes a lot of selfies because he knows he'd gorgeous

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends —

After the events of Nibleheim, the only thing Zack had were Cloud and Aerith. One comatose, and another a memory.

Cloud only due to circumstance since they were in the same boat of being science experiments. Normally we see Zack suspicious towards those in Shinra, even if they were friends before (Cissnei and Kunsel are the two prime examples. Cissnei eventually earned his trust, but Kunsel never got the chance to because there's limited things he can do through text.)

Aerith was his only connection outside of Shinra, if anything, he sympathized with her since she was under the Turks watch. The two never talked about it, but they didn't talk about a lot of things. There was always an unspoken escapism that they found within each other. But 4 years is a long time, and the reality of that hit him when he found her 89th letter.

He couldn't even reconnect with his parents, who he hasn't seen since he was 14yrs old. Shinra took that away from him too.

2. After the Wutai War and Angeal disappeared, Zack ate apples more often to feel connected to him. (He couldn't find Dumbapples so he made do with red apples.)

3. After Angeal's death, Zack changed his hairstyle to represent his growth, but it's slicked back to resemble his late mentors hair.

4. He really wanted to see Sephiroth as a friend, but Sephiroth closed himself off too much for them to make a real connection. But that doesn't mean that Sephiroth didn't care, just that he kept Zack at arms length.

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway —

I would've loved to see him in a team setting! Because I headcanon that he's so used to working as a lone wolf (or in a unit) that he has a hard time working as a part of the team. He's always given or taken orders! He would likely butt heads with whoever else tried to give orders, if he didn't ignore it entirely and run in head first.

I said it before but BISEXUAL KING I would love to see him flirt with a guy in canon :') he came close with Kunsel but it was written off as a joke ("I love you man!" @Kunsel )

I hc him as native american because I'm indigenous and he's just like me fr look at his black hair its practically canon

[miqojak]

🔍 for something you look for on other’s blogs

@eligos-venator @braeden-ooc as well!

Really, I'm looking to find information on their character. It's an RPC, after all, and I'm looking for information on your character(s) so I know whether or not they might be a good fit for my OC to interact with - I have even given thought to revamping the LFRP layout, since it prioritizes things like relationship status and gender preference, when that should really have 0 impact on RP, unless that's someone's only reason for reaching out (I sure don't ask new RL friends their gender preference and if they're single or not when we meet). What I want to know right off the bat is: A) The player's OOC expectations. What's their schedule? Do they prefer in game or out of game? Out of game is almost a deal breaker, really, since I'm ADHD and I'll lose focus REALLY fast in a forum/tumblr style RP that isn't moving at the same pace an in-game RP would be. Are we going to get along OOC? This is important. It's a relationship like any other, and you want to be able to communicate like the mature adults we all are. B) What is the personality of the character, and what kind of interactions/plotting are they looking for? Ultimately, that's the meat of RP - I don't need to know their sexual preference, who their mother was, whether or not they smoke, and what their scars look like; personality is great, but doesn't tell me what kind of RP you're seeking! Tell me what you're looking for for your OC! Are they looking for friendship? Adventure? Crime? Dark RP? Soft RP? Slice of life? Why is that section on the bottom of the current LFRP layout? That's the most important part! The rest is icing on the cake.

C) I guess I'm looking for...aesthetic? Writing? Images? I want to get a feel for the character by scrolling through the first few pages. If a blog is purely devoted to sexual images, I probably know they're not someone I want to RP with. To each their own, but I'm looking for deep plots and long-term stuff...not Playboy. If it seems like the sole focus is sex gifs and playboy gpose spreads and posts lamenting not being in a relationship...I'm gonna nope out. A little spice is nice, but nothing BUT spice? No thanks, too much of a good thing (for me, anyways).

D) This is a spin-off of C I guess - how much OOC is there? A little is okay! I like to meme and shitpost a little, but...for example, someone posted a picture of themselves in lingerie - on their RP blog - and let me tell you, I unfollowed immediately; I'm not on tumblr to see people's RL nudes and the like. Save that for your personal blog, or your tindr or whatever - the RPC is not an RL dating community. Similarly? No drama. No call-outs. I will instantly unfollow and block, because dirty laundry shouldn't be aired out in public - that tells me that that person is deeply immature and will gladly go shout nasty things about ME into the void of tumblr at some point if I do something they decide they don't like (or make something up about me - seen that done far too many times), and you can't trust an immature RP partner. I've had shitty people abuse me, as well, and if I see a friend engage - I'll just politely warn them quietly. (Now and then, now and then - there's someone SO heinous, there needs to be something done, and said publicly. But I see callout posts done for all kinds of little personal vendetta things that don't need to be shouted about publicly. No one wants to see a shouting match in the grocery store, after all - tend to your business at home!)

tl;dr I'm looking for what the other person is looking for in RP! (And I'm looking for OOC maturity! I'm tired of non-communicative RP partners.)

[quinintheclouds]

Hey, I just read your post on ADHD/EFDD and was just wondering if you have read any research articles on this and if you have, could you tell me which ones because it all sounds super interesting and I need to choose a topic for my psych lit review and I’m thinking about doing something to do with all the stigma around and misconceptions about different mental health disorders.. it’s totally okay if not tho, I know it’s a big ask, but thanks anyway

That sounds like such a great topic!!! I would be HONORED to help :D 

The first person I think of when discussing the term EFDD is Dr. Russell Barkley. He’s one of the leading ADHD experts, and has been a spearhead for studying executive dysfunction in people with ADHD for decades. Very much ahead of his time compared to the DSM. I’ve had his book “Taking Charge of Adult ADHD” recommended to me so many times, but have yet to read it.

Here’s some free stuff, though! 

[reblogs appreciated because Tumblr hates posts with links and I wanna make sure this anon sees it!]

I tried to include some short stuff and longer stuff, some articles, images, videos, and comic recs, so you can choose based on your current energy and focus level :) I’ve also bolded links and key points of each source if you like skimming. Let’s go!

...................................

Here’s an interesting article/study on EFDD! They found that “ADHD [is] associated with deficits in inhibition, managing one’s attention, self-directed speech and rule-following, self-motivation, and even self-awareness [...] ADHD therefore involves deficits in self-restraint, [...] selfsensing and imagery, self-control of emotion, and self-directed play for problem-solving.”

Thank you for motivating me to look up some articles, because I learned some new things, too! For instance, they assert that ADHD could also be called SRDD (Self-Regulation Deficit Disorder), but conclude the article by saying either SRDD or EFDD fits better than ADHD, and that the terms could be used interchangeably, because SR (self-regulation) and EF (executive function) are effectively talking about the same things. So his assertion is that even if the name ADHD never changes, it can still be scientifically classified as either of the other terms. I believe in recent years he’s preferred EFDD more and more.

[note that the above article/study is from 2011, back when we were on the DSM-IV, so a lot of research has been done since then]

...................................

If that article’s a bit wordy or you want something more visual and up-to-date, here’s a really detailed PowerPoint presentation used during the 2018 ADHD Symposium! It’s long but well-organized so you can just read the big headers or you can read all the bullet points explaining it. Keep in mind this was a lecture, so some of it probably made more sense in person. I’m glad I read this, because I realize the terminology I’ve used is slightly off: according to the Symposium, there aren’t “subtypes” of ADHD, but the different names (ADHD-PI, ADHD-PH, and ADHD-C) are really just used to show the prevalence of certain symptoms in that individual. So they’re all terms for ADHD, but “subtype” was poor word choice on my part. 

Oh! I just found a video of him giving a lecture in 2012 using many of the same PowerPoint slides! Here ya go! It’s a bit longer than the other videos I’ve linked below (13min), but it might make the slides easier to interpret :)

...................................

If you want a really short and basic overview, here’s a video explaining 5 main ways executive functions affect the brain and how they work differently in people with ADHD. [I put the video below as well if you wanna stay on tumblr] It’s from 2010, but it holds up. It only covers 5 big ones, so remember (if you can) that executive function affects EVERYTHING and the symptoms will affect everyone differently and at different levels. 

This is just the most basic overview and a good place to start:

...................................

Here’s one where he talks about our Time-Blindness! (below) I was going to pick a couple favorite quotes to give you an idea, but that’d wind up being a transcript of the whole video because HE GETS IT. This is from 2014, but I CANNOT recommend it enough!!! He mentions that ADHD doesn’t have a deficit of attention, but rather a deficit of intention. He describes us as having a near-sighted sense of time, and talks about deadlines, “laziness,” etc.

 ALSO he talks about how our brains DON’T CONNECT our knowledge to our performance (back of brain to front) like everyone else’s, so we have the same level of knowledge and intelligence, but can’t access and use it the way others can. This is why teaching skills and organization/memory/time-management tips isn’t helpful -- we can learn them, but our knowledge and action centers are separated, so actually doing them/sticking with them is just as hard as before. 

If you don’t watch the whole thing, at least skip to 3:29 cause that part’s really funny and relatable (ok the whole thing is relatable):

...................................

And of course, I highly recommend the YouTube channel How to ADHD! I have a couple friends who work on it, and they REALLY know their stuff! (They’re the ones who taught me during a game night that RSD isn’t a real term and it should be called “rejection-sensitivity” as part of the emotional dysregulation umbrella) 

I went looking and found this video (below) has the BEST explanation of it that I’ve seen in such a concise, entertaining way. I hadn’t seen this one before, but it even covers some of the things I mentioned in that post your ask is about! Especially the Internal Restlessness that I mentioned as the true “hyperactivity” we all share; even though some of us also express outward hyperactivity, both presentations come from the same restlessness in our brains.

^^^This has some great examples, visuals, animations, and different ways of explaining and thinking about our symptoms! If you want more about this, the description has a bunch of links to their sources! Jessica and everyone else who works on this channel is great at making the videos watchable for people with ADHD (even if we have to rewind sometimes)

Here's Jessica's official Twitter @HowtoADHD! (I was today years old when I found out that she follows me)

...................................

And if you want something REALLY short and simple, here’s a 2 minute animation comparing living with ADHD to trying to film a movie with a director who keeps falling asleep [below]

....................................

If you like comics:

My favorite ADHD comic artists are: ADHD Alien [@ADHD_Alien on Twitter and @adhd-alien on Tumblr]; Dani Donovan [@danidonovan on Twitter and @danidonovan on Tumblr -- we’re somehow twitter mutuals and she is such a sweetheart. She has some really good infographics, too!!]; ADHD Bri [@AdhdBri on Twitter and @adhdbri on Tumblr]; and dreamadept [@yume_dango on Twitter and @yume-dango on Tumblr]

They’re all well-researched, funny, genuine, intelligent, insightful, talented artists who depict ADHD in a very accurate and relatable way. Go check ‘em out and support them! :D

....................................

I’m gonna stop there for now, but PLEASE feel free to add on to this with other sources, questions, videos, thoughts, comic artists, etc.!!! Hope this helps someone out there!

[hazzabeeforlou]

Hi! Can I ask when/how you started writing and how you 'worked' it? I'm re-reading pits, and it's really damn well written, and it makes me feel so many things

Hi dear! You’re so sweet, I’m glad you’re coming back to my ‘story baby’ again, that makes me smile. This will be a bit of a long answer, but I hope it inspires anyone who’s had doubts to FORGOE the doubts and just start writing.

I’ve been making up stories as long as I can remember. I used to write little poems as a five year old, and then little picture books, and then come up with outrageous adventure dress-up games. I dreamed of writing fantasy novels in my pre-teen years, and had multiple journals stuffed with half articulated stories that I just didn’t think were ‘good enough.’ I was always great at coming up with plots and twists and endings, but the actual mechanics of sitting down and writing shit out really scared the hell out of my possible (probable) adhd/executive disfunction. I wrote some really sappy and SHORT Jaina Solo fanfic and some VERY Het but Not Het marauders fan fic in late high school/college, but mostly during those years I wrote tons of songs, and plotted a long-suffering fairy book (that I nagged @metal-eye about just this past week) but I had honestly never completed a full-ass “story” until I started writing for this fandom in 2018!!! Seriously. I MEAN THAT.

I started with a drabble, you can still find it, it’s the first thing I wrote on ao3. And then I was inspired by a tumblr post about a Selkie losing it’s skin and I thought up the plot for Until You Remember and wrote the whole fic out in like TWO DAYS. (Did I mention the probable adhd.) Around this time I was coming to terms with being gay and rehashing the trauma from religion and my family and what not, and I started writing PITS as little vignettes, chapter by chapter, each inspired by a different memory. There was no plot, no organization, just a jumble of scenes from my life. It’s sounds unbelievable, but all of a sudden I had nearly 100,000 words? And I was like WTF Toni. Because that had NOT been the plan. Anywho, I spent a good deal of time editing and stringing it all together, and by some twist of fate or premonition, the pieces all fit like a puzzle, and PITS was born. I honestly thought the subject matter too dark for this fandom, so I expected two or three people to read and comment.

But a little about the ‘working’ of writing, at least for me. I suppose there’s a smidge of natural intuition involved, as I’d always been told I could write well. I read a lot, and I am a VERY visual learner, and an even better copy cat, and I honestly think that’s why I’m so ‘good’ at music/art/writing, because I can mimic the teachers that have taught me. If someone tells me to phrase a phrase musically, I’ll be like, uh, okay ATTEMPT. But if they give me an example? I’ll play it back exactly that way. So it’s the same for writing with me, if I read an author with a certain style, I’ll be writing like that author for several days. My brain is a sponge of sentence structures, and I think that’s a really helpful quirk to have. Now in college, I did a TON of writing, and had some very patient people help me learn to structure essays and shit. At my grad school (which is. Very famous but not for writing.) a professor told me ‘we’ve had Harvard people that couldn’t write as well!’ WHICH I think is more an indictment of their criteria for admission than Harvard’s writing program but anyways my POINT is that I’ve carried a lot of what I learned and observed through 8 years in academia into fan fic writing, which for me is:

-“However” never starts a sentence

-use “was/is” like the HOTTEST pepper in your salsa. Sparingly, and with much debate over if you’ll regret it later

-scan your work for constantly used words (I’ll get in a rut and keep writing “deliberate” three times in the same page) and then THESAURUS THAT SHIT

-your fic is a soup, boil out the excess broth, or it will be all water and no substance. (Seriously, longer is NOT BETTER)

-don’t tell me in each separate paragraph what your character is thinking. Think up a way to SHOW what they’re thinking and let your reader figure it out for themselves. In other words, don’t mansplain to your reader. *(I just finished a fic—not in this fandom—that could have gone from 150k to 100k just by eliminating this RIP MY EYES)

-vary your sentence structure

-read what you’ve written out loud. If your brain stumbles at speaking it, it will be awkward for your reader too

-don’t obsess about your first draft. Just get ideas from your grey matter to your white paper and let it steep for a while, I swear all the silt will settle and you’ll be able to edit clearly

-google is your friend. I don’t remember every grammatical rule from high school either ;)

Okay. I’ve rambled enough. I hope that’s helpful nony, and good luck if you’re writing!! Much love, Toni <3

[adhd-adept]

hi! i like your posts! they're real helpful

anyway a thing i need help with

i want to ask my dad for therapy because i think i might have adhd? and also some other shit

so basically

(this is going to be a long post)

back in summer 2020, i thought i might have adhd because i was reading some comics from adhd alien and the signs of adhd she shared seemed eerily familiar?

and i did some research and more signs came up and i thought i might have them?

and i found a therapist who specialises in adhd and other issues

but when i talked to my dad about it he was all "ADHD is only hyperactive idiots who are useless without meds" and he yelled at me for a while and I'm now basically scared of mentioning the topic up ever again

he brought me to some sessions, but i think once he said it was "so the therapist tells you you don't have adhd"?

anyway after the summer ended i couldn't get therapy again because school and busy

with the 2 week spring vacation coming up i was thinking of maybe asking him again? but I'm really scared and he probably won't take it seriously again...

signed,

an idiot

Hey! Thanks. I’m glad I can be helpful. I wanted to answer this right away, but it took me a little time because this question deserves a thoughtful response. This is going to be a long post.

[If anyone with more experience in situations like this has advice, I would welcome suggestions]

First things first! I don't think you're an idiot. This world can be hard to navigate even in the best of times, and I will never think you're foolish for needing a little help with anything that that entails!

Looking for a therapist is a great start! I’m glad that you are taking yourself seriously and taking steps to get help. That can take a lot of courage, and I’m proud of you for it!

Know that it may continue to take courage, and persistence - it can be really difficult to get an official ADHD diagnosis. I definitely have ADHD, and it actually took two tries when I got diagnosed around age 12, as the first doctor thought I had been perfectly attentive during the meeting and thus could not believe I was struggling with inattention elsewhere. My friend in her early twenties has been attending periodic doctor and therapist sessions for a couple months now, because the first doctor didn’t take her seriously, the second said she clearly had ADHD but sent her elsewhere for prescriptions, and the doctor they sent her to insisted she get a second opinion. She is finally starting to get accommodations, but it’s been an ongoing effort.

And you may simply not get along very well with your first therapist. You can always try reaching out to another. It can be a long process, and I hope saying that does not discourage you because there is a lot of good that comes at the end of that process; specifically, a better understanding of yourself and access to some resources that can help you seek accommodations for the things you struggle with.

It sounds like you’ve done your research on therapy, though. If you want any help with looking for a therapist, I am happy to help, (or at least try to). But it sounds like what you’re asking is how to approach the subject with your dad?

You’ll have to take some of my advice from here with a grain of salt; I’ve never been in the specific situation you’re in now, and of course I don’t know your dad as well as you do. But in my experience, rephrasing a request can do a lot to make it sound more reasonable.

I think the first step is understanding where he is coming from. Again, you have met the man and I haven’t, so this is more suggestion and guesswork than any kind of statement.

It sounds like your dad has a significant bias against neurodivergence. But I think it does matter WHY he feels that way. I can only imagine that it comes from a lifetime of hearing those things about ADHD from the people around him, and it will take time for him to reverse that prejudice. I feel sorry for him to have grown up in that hostile environment, and I am sorry that that hostility is being carried through to you.

But the result is that he thinks there’s something wrong with having ADHD. Of course, that isn’t true, but no parent wants to believe there’s something “wrong” with their child, and he will probably be resistant to the idea for as long as he believes that there is. 

More than that, I think parents don’t want to believe that, if there IS something wrong with their kid, it might have come from them. A child twisting their ankle in PE class or getting bitten by an ant is one thing - it hurts to see the child in pain, but it isn’t their fault. It’s much harder for a parent to see their child suffer because of a hereditary condition, because I think there can be a lot of guilt associated with that.

On top of that, if he’s been told that ADHD is a terrible thing, it might be disagreeable to him because if you have it then maybe he has it too. People don’t want to believe there’s anything wrong with themselves either.

I don’t know if that’s, on some level, why he reacted the way he did - and even if it’s true, I don’t think any of this justifies yelling at you for it. Nothing justifies that. And I want to be clear that it shouldn’t have to be your responsibility to figure out why he feels the way he feels - that should be on him, and it’s unfair to you to have to work through his issues on your way to getting the help you need. This isn’t necessarily the best or only approach. But trying to at least figure out why he feels the way he does might help you figure out how to approach the subject again. 

Maybe even ask him where he got his impression of ADHD, if it does not feel like doing so will start a new argument. (Maybe don’t mention the part where you’re asking because some stranger on the internet is trying to psychoanalyze him.) But I find, personally, that conversations go better when I can approach them with patience, and I have more patience when I make an effort to remember that the other person’s reactions have to come from somewhere, and if I can at least start out believing that they are misinformed rather than actively hostile.

I think a good start would be to try educating him about ADHD and see how that goes. Anything might sound scary because it is unfamiliar; or, worse, it might sound scary because it sounds vaguely familiar even if the only information you know is that you think someone said it’s scary. 

An aside, to give an example: There was a meme a while ago where water would be referred to as “dihydrogen monoxide” and framed as a dangerous thing with vague-but-technically-true statements such as “it’s a common byproduct of chemical reactions,” and “it’s found in our sewer systems”, or “it has the highest pH value of any acid” (you may recall that the strongest acids are those with a low pH value).

I think it’s easy to do the same with neurodiversity. If all you know about water is that it’s a chemical, it may sound scary. If all you know about ADHD is that it’s a mental disorder, it may sound scary.

Talking with him directly may be better than sending him articles - they tend to start with phrases like “mental health disorder” and “chronic condition”, or big (scary) jargon words that you might want to avoid if you want it to sound approachable (I mean, even the “Simple English” version of the Wikipedia article has the word “neurodevelopmental” in the first sentence).

I think it’s important for him to know that everyone’s ADHD experience is different - symptoms can be strong, or they can be very weak, but even people with very weak symptoms may benefit from seeking professional advice. You can be very “high functioning,” and still find certain tasks more difficult than most people do, and thus benefit from help even if you don’t “need” it to achieve your goals or lead a “normal” looking life.

You might tell him that a lot of ADHD treatment is about paying attention to your own behaviors and learning what works best for you - that even if you do not have ADHD, you may have some experiences in common with people who do, and that seeking a therapist who specializes in ADHD may help you find someone with the kind of attitude you are looking for; maybe you want someone who will be especially patient, and who will be prepared to take you seriously with the symptoms or traits you do have.

After all, most people can understand that you don’t have to have clinical depression to benefit from some of the behavioral things often recommended to people who do, such as getting regular exercise and more sunshine. You can do things that improve your mood even if you don’t have diagnosed clinical depression. 

Similarly, if you are seeking help with some things that people with ADHD struggle with - organization, time management, staying focused - a therapist who specializes in ADHD may be a good fit for you for that reason alone, even if you don’t have it.

And yeah, it sounds like he doesn’t want you to have ADHD, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying “even if I don’t have it, talking to a specialist can help me rule that out,” if that’s what helps him feel more comfortable with you getting an appointment. Again, it will take time for him to overcome the negative impression he has now, but at the very least, if he forms a positive impression of ADHD therapists he might not be so hostile about ADHD itself.

Maybe remind him that there can be a lot of overlap between ADHD and other experiences, but that it seems like a good place to start seeking help because it is a relatively common cause of some of the things you’ve experienced.

Know how much you would be willing to compromise before you have this conversation - would you be okay with getting a therapist even if they do not specialize in ADHD? Would you be unlikely to get an appointment if he made it conditional on something like maintaining good grades? Have a clear, tangible goal in mind; while you may leave room for uncertainty in your diagnosis until you speak with a professional, you should try not to leave room for uncertainty in what you are asking for. Know what you want - a session (or a number of sessions) with a therapist - and have your reasoning for that ready, maybe even written down. People tend to take you more seriously when you can demonstrate that you’ve thought something through.

If you say you think you have ADHD, I believe you. But regardless of that, you have recognized that there is something you need help with, and you are taking action in response. I hope that, at the very least, if your dad does not want to take the suggestion of ADHD seriously, he can at least take you seriously when you say that you need help. 

And you will get help. You are moving in the right direction. Don’t lose sight of that.

I hope I’ve answered your question! If this is hard to read I can maybe come back and re-write it as a set of bullet points, maybe suggestions of things to say, but I felt that in the case of more personalized advice it was important to address the context of my advice. If you needed more specific advice, feel free to clarify. And of course, if you have any other questions, I’m always around.

Best of luck!

[into-control]

submission:  

Hi anon. The reason people are unfollowing TTB isn’t just because of the “feud” between her and femmetay. It’s because of her overall behaviour.

          I’m the type of person who always tries to see the best in people, and a week ago, I probably would have defended TTB the same way you are. But it’s kind of a matter of right and wrong at this point.

         Growing up in the society we’re living in, none of us are immune to having subconscious biases. That doesn’t necessarily make us bad people as long as we acknowledge that and put effort into unlearning those biases and doing better. TTB clearly has some of these biases.

         For example, the racial bias. Racism isn’t always conscious. She, a white woman, has been consistently trying to silence people of colour and shame them for their feelings. She’s been dismissing their opinions, speaking over them and acting like her own opinion is more valid, and she’s only been validating the few POC who share her opinion. That is a form of racism. It might be subconscious, but it’s still racism.

       It’s even more clear when you compare her reaction to this situation with the way that: A) She harshly called out Shawn and Ed Sheeran multiple times for not showing enough support for Taylor publicly, and B) The way she herself called out Taylor and even almost unstanned her, just for going on a pap walk with Joe.

        Also, the bias against Jewish people. Calling the Kushners and Scooter “rats” is extremely tone-deaf. There are some words that you just do *not* use against certain racial, ethnic, or religious groups because of the history of hatred and discrimination that is linked to those words. You cannot separate that insult from its dark history when you’re using it against people who are Jewish.

        And the ableism. TTB knows perfectly well that femmetay is bipolar, and she called her “crazy”, “emotional”, and “literally mentally unstable”. The word “literally” really says a lot about how she meant it. That is fucking awful. That is blatant ableism. There isn’t even any room for giving her the benefit of the doubt with this particular example.

        You guys might not see it as being that bad, but it’s disgusting. People don’t talk about ableism enough. Calling people with mental illnesses “crazy” and putting them down is so harmful.

       I have an invisible disability, and I also have OCD and anxiety. The reason I never got *any* support or understanding until I got a diagnosis when I was 18 is because my family were so afraid that people would find out and would think I was “crazy”. So, I never knew what was “wrong” with me, I struggled alone, and I would constantly be told by grown adults (family, teachers, strangers, etc): “Stop acting weird”, “People are going to think you’re crazy”, “They’re going to send you to a mental hospital”, etc. And it was really damaging in so many ways.

       My dad has PTSD and ADHD and went without being diagnosed, without telling a single person, and without any medication until he was in his 40s. Why? Because he was so worried that people would shame him and call him “mental” or “crazy”.

       My uncle’s situation was very similar to femmetay’s. He was bipolar, and he was a teacher. He was great at his job, and the students liked him. But once the parents found out he was bipolar, they gave him hell for it. They would constantly shame him, call him “mentally unstable” (even though he was on meds), tell him they didn’t want “someone like him” teaching their kids, etc. And I strongly believe that if it wasn’t for the stigma about mental health and the constant ableism he had to face, he would still be with us today. (note: as somebody who attended public school up until now, teachers who happen to have a mental illness are really not worrisome at all. there is so much other shit that is actually worth worrying about. like pedophiles.)

      This stuff *can’t* be taken lightly. Comments like the ones that TTB made are a major contributing factor to the reason that my uncle and so many other disabled and people with mental illnesses are no longer with us today.

      It’s literally inexcusable how she strongly implied that femmetay shouldn’t be a teacher. It’s also telling how she deletes so many comments from her posts, but she didn’t delete the ones where some of her followers literally outright *said* that. That isn’t an individual attack. That is an attack against every single teacher in the world with BP, if not every person with BP in general.

       TTB also has harassed so many people in their messages out of the blue. And you can see the difference in tone. On her blog, her tone is a lot more “neutral”. In these messages, her tone is harsh and, in some cases, even kinda aggressive.

       And I’m not saying that TTB’s biases mean she’s a terrible person because, like I said, we’re conditioned to have biases. But the problem is that so many people have respectfully tried to talk to her and have tried to explain why some of the things she says are problematic and hurtful. But instead of hearing them out and apologising and making an effort to be better, TTB always reacts badly and becomes defensive. She then continues the same behaviour.

       It’s at that point, once she’s been informed and still continues, that her actions switch from being *unintentional* to being *deliberate*.

      Anyway, I’m not saying she’s evil or that I hate her or anything. All I’m saying is that I don’t want to support someone like that unless she actually changes. When you have a huge platform, especially as a straight white woman, you have a responsibility to listen to the feedback of POC and other minorities, and if they’re telling you that something you’re doing is hurtful, you should take a look at yourself and examine your behaviour instead of getting defensive and deleting and ignoring the things they’re saying.

        And maybe this whole post was unnecessary, but I’m only writing it because so many of her followers are blindly defending her and acting like she’s not done anything wrong 

[distortingbones]

relistening to a guest for mr spider and i'm really struck by the parallels between jon and martin's upbringings-- martin's mother resented him because he reminded her of his father (who she despised), while jon's grandmother resented him because he reminded her of his parents (who she loved & mourned). both jon and martin carry a similar trauma, but because of that difference (hatred vs mourning) they present in very different ways.

keep reading for a big chunk of analysis of how this has affected them/their relationship throughout the podcast, as well as it what it means for current events in canon. 

more than anything, martin wants to distance himself from his father by becoming someone worthy of love, or, failing that, someone who people overlook. (better to be invisible than to be hated, he figures.) he structures his whole public-facing self around being a trustworthy, kind, caring person. 

he first develops feelings for jon while jon is mistreating him (season 1) because he sees jon as somebody who is in need of love and affection. he can bring jon tea, check in on him throughout the day, and jon gives him very little acknowledgment in return. although it would be a stretch to call jon abusive, this still mirrors martin's parents' relationship, where his mother was the victim and his father the abuser. if martin plays the role of the person offering care and jon doesn't reciprocate, then in their unequal relationship, martin is unequivocally placed into his mother's role. martin gets to be the giver, and he is satisfied that this means he is not acting out the role of his father.

sure, jon still dislikes him, but that's because martin is "annoying and incompetent" (in quotes because it's obviously not true), never because jon thinks martin is a bad or abusive person. to martin, that's what's important. it's part of why he's so horrified when jon accuses martin of lying to him (and committing murder) in season 2. martin suddenly realizes that jon sees him as someone who is manipulative and capable of doing great harm, and that's martin's worst nightmare. up until this point, martin has continued to care for jon, no matter how awful and paranoid jon gets, because to martin it's not about how jon treats him, it's about how he perceives him. (ultimately martin gets better at sticking up for himself, but this is his headspace during season 2.)

this is also part of why martin finds the lonely so compelling. without other people around, he doesn’t have to worry about how he is perceived, because there’s no one there to perceive him. he doesn’t have to worry about being a bad or abusive person, because there’s nobody else around to abuse. nothing hurts in the lonely, because martin’s primary source of anxiety and internal conflict is finally lifted. when jon rescues martin from the lonely, martin says, “i see you,” and comes back to himself. but really, it’s the fact that jon sees martin that saves him. in that moment, martin is sure that jon loves him, that jon sees him as somebody who is worth saving, sees him as somebody who brings goodness into the world. martin feels fully and completely seen by jon, and he is overwhelmed with relief and joy that the person jon sees is good.

okay, what about jon, you ask?

jon is desperate to live up to his parents, who his grandmother mourned. much like martin, he yearns to be “good enough”. however, while for martin “good enough” means "not being abusive”, jon’s goalpost is invisible and constantly out of reach. martin at least had a model of how not to behave (like his father), but jon didn’t. even if he had tried to imitate his parents, it would never have fixed the hole in his grandmother’s heart. it’s impossible for the living to measure up to the dead, because our memory of the dead is both fixed and idealized.

jon internalizes that he needs to be more, better, but he’s never really sure how so he just criticizes every aspect of himself. he’s constantly comparing himself to others, but even when the comparison is favorable he still doesn’t feel good enough.

(big sidenote: i have adhd and headcanon jon as adhd because he displays a number of symptoms, and it’s really common for people with adhd to develop a deep feeling of unworthiness. we grow up with authority figures telling us we’re not “living up to our potential”, as we alternate between hyperfixating and losing focus completely. for example, i was often chastised as a kid because i read YA fantasy novels voraciously, but sometimes struggled in school because i refused to read anything that didn’t hold my immediate interest. guess who else read nonstop but wouldn’t read anything he deemed boring?? jonathan jarchivist sims. i’d be willing to bet he developed a serious unworthiness complex from authority figures asking why he couldn’t apply himself to [x thing] the same way he did to his interests.)

he works himself to the bone trying to be the best archivist that he can, but of course elias really screwed him over by giving him a job that he’s not actually qualified for and doesn’t know how to do which even further degrades his already paltry sense of self-worth. he projects this fear of incompetence onto martin, which is why he criticizes martin so harshly. even if jon’s not great at his job, at least he can say he’s better than martin. for someone who constantly compares himself to others, this is at least a small source of comfort.

when martin shows kindness to jon in season 1, jon brushes it off, because he thinks love is something that has to be earned. at this point jon feels deeply unworthy-- he’s in way over his head with work, and is terrified by the eye watching him give statements-- so he thinks martin doesn’t have any reason to care for him, which means that martin’s affection for him is not valid. in season 2 jon even suspects martin has ulterior motives, because he can’t fathom why anyone would genuinely want to give him love.

this post will expand into even more of a monster if i if get into all the times that jon puts himself down for things he can’t control (it wasn’t stupid to break the table alright, he was doing his best). he also consistently internalizes the criticism of others even when that criticism is unfair/cruel (look at what happened with tim in season 3, or when his coworkers discovered that he was feeding on people, etc etc etc). jon is way too willing to believe that he is a bad, stupid, evil person.

he’s also always going above and beyond to prove himself. again, countless examples, but like the dude literally charged into the buried to save daisy just because he thought it might be possible to rescue her. she’s not really his friend at that point (in fact she tried to kill him), and also he’s not at all responsible for her entrapment. but he thinks it would be the right thing to do, and so he does it, and damn the consequences.

he says if he dies, the world just loses another monster. but also, his parents died and they were the ones his grandmother loved, so maybe if he dies doing what’s right then maybe he’ll finally be good enough too.

anyway, by season 4, martin is effectively gone, and this is when jon’s feelings for him really start to show. (you can probably argue that his love for martin was evident earlier, but i personally think this is when jon becomes actually aware of how he feels.) the primary model of love jon saw growing up was the mournful, longing love his grandmother felt for his dead parents. he wasn’t taught how to love somebody who’s there with you, but he does know what it’s like to love somebody who’s gone. he begins to not just want to be “good enough” in general, but also specifically good enough for martin. (i.e. it’s martin’s reaction to jon feeding on strangers that really makes jon feel ashamed.)

when jon follows martin into the lonely, elias tells him flat-out that he will likely not return. jon doesn’t hesitate-- after all, he’s well-versed in taking enormous risks to save others, and this is for martin, to whom he so desperately wants to prove himself. it’s only once he finds martin that jon finally feel worthy of his love, and allow himself to accept it.

when martin says “i see you” and begins to come back to himself, jon knows he succeeded, that he proved himself, that he is worthy of love. and martin knows that jon loves him and thinks martin’s worth saving. in that moment, they don’t just love each other, they both feel loved, something that seemed almost impossible for these two traumatized men.

and it would be such a beautiful wrap if that was where it ended, right? but instead the eyepocalypse happened and we have to deal with all the messiness that is season 5.

so, jon was manipulated into ending the world as we know it, and the guilt from that undoes the tenuous scrap of self-worth he developed via saving martin.  he’s thrust into a position where he doesn’t think it’s even possible for him to be good again, let alone good enough. the only morally pure thing that he can think of to do is to use his power to protect martin, the man he loves, which is why he’s so emotionally paralyzed at the beginning of season 5. he can be good enough within the confines of their cabin, he can keep martin safe there, but out in the world ruled by fears he knows that there’s no way to be the perfect person he so desperately wants to be.

he ultimately agrees to go try to stop the fearpocalypse because he knows it’s the right thing to do, and jon has never, ever shied away from doing the right thing, no matter how dangerous. but he’s forced to make a lot of messy, difficult decisions out there-- he feeds off people’s fear to keep himself going, he murders not!sasha, he will certainly have to kill even more. as far as jon’s concerned, he’s crossed the line permanently. there is no way he is ever, ever going to be “good enough” again, after the choices he’s made. it doesn’t matter if he’s doing the best he can, or if he makes a net positive impact, or even whether or not events are his fault, he’s proven that he’s not perfect so he will never believe he is good enough.

meanwhile, martin comes into season 5 feeling rather empowered. even after all the effort he spent pushing people away in season 4, jon loves him, and that makes martin feel pretty confident that he’s a good person. he has a solid sense of self-worth, which means it’s easier for him to act and make tough decisions.

he also has a less rigid view of morality than jon does (despite generally being nicer). he sees the entities and their avatars as creatures who abuse others and cause harm, much like his father. if he could have hurt his father to save his mother, you know he would have, and he’s wiling to murder in order to save innocents. also, because he’s secure in his belief that he’s a good person (thanks in large part to jon being such a loving boyfriend), martin is less likely to scrutinize his own actions the way jon does. martin is making choices based on what feels right, what he thinks will have the greatest net positive outcome, while jon just sees every single harmful thing he does as another item in the pile of reasons that he’s not good enough. jon looks at his actions individually, while martin looks at them holistically.

anyway, right now they’re functioning. despite his absolutely annihilated self-worth, jon is still able to find an anchoring purpose in the fact that he can use his eye power to defend martin. martin is able to move forward and act because he has the warmth and confidence of knowing jon loves him.

it wouldn’t take much to break them, though.

if martin died or was lost to a power, jon would absolutely crumble and lose all direction.

if jon stopped loving martin and told martin that he was a bad person, martin would absolutely crumble and lose all self-worth.

that’s what makes annabelle cane’s interest in martin so worrying. right now, martin is confident enough that her call doesn’t really phase him, he just hangs up on her. but if martin were to give in and join the web, it could ruin everything. jon would feel like he’d failed martin, and, knowing jon’s stance on avatars, martin might feel that jon thought he was evil. they would both fall apart completely and lose themselves to the entities they serve.

[bigskydreaming]

For the fic ask meme, 4, 16, 24, or 28

I will answer 16 now, because No Reason, Just Whimsy, but stay tuned as I’ll probably end up answering 4, 24 and 28 at some point anyway, because like. No Reason, Just Whimsy. *Shrugs*

16.  If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

I can’t tell you, see, because I would simply make that one pairing endgame and everything else leading up to it like, contain all the other ships I could not bear to be without. (Hahahaha this is why I could never be a romance author, I can not abide by the rules of HEA or HFN in relationship stories to save my LIFE). So, y’know, SPOILERS.

No but also I’m completely aware that this is cheating and not the point of the question. But I can not choose though, that is the point, like, have you met me? I am the original poster child for ADHD. I’m THAT old.

So instead I will simply say that in the realm of Teen Wolf, Scanny is very very very important to me, which like, surprises no one. But also I would still fight someone who tried to take either Scira or Scallison from me, I remain obnoxiously fond of Scackson’s potential, and I’m still out here being like, the sole Scosh (Scott/Josh Diaz) shipper in all the land, I’m pretty sure, lmfao. 

And I mean, also there’s Scyle, of course. I could never give up the Scyle.

As far as Marvel goes, like, I am going to be riding the high of Bobby/Christian being canon for quite some time, as anyone who has known me long knows that I have been shipping this ship since Christian was first introduced and then written offstage like two issues later….seventeen years ago.

(I have a lot of issues with straight writers making gay characters’ gay-specific tragedies and traumas like….someone ELSE’S angsty back story, while they themselves are just shuffled off the page and considered irrelevant. For those who don’t know, Christian is Emma Frost’s gay older brother who she adored and when their father had Christian institutionalized against his will because he was gay, this was what made Emma break away from the rest of her family for good and set her on the road to becoming the White Queen of the Hellfire Club. 

And then, despite like, this being life-defining for her, not a single writer in the next fifteen damn years ever thought to ask themselves…..hmmm, why would Emma Frost, one of the most powerful telepaths in the world and someone whose personal morality in no way makes her above using those powers, her wealth or Hellfire resources however she damn well pleases in the name of protecting herself, those she cares about, and advancing her agendas…..why would this woman who has never let anything stand in the way of what she cares about before like….simply just…never once in all the years since she was a teenager think to herself….hmm, what if I simply go to the institution where my beloved brother is kept against his will, and just…..made them release him?)

So, aside from always thinking Bobby/Christian would be a great ship with amazing potential given Bobby’s unique history and dynamic with Christian’s sister and the fact that Christian shares a lot of the same traits, backstory and other elements that make Emma an amazing and multi-faceted character and he’s just been sitting there in Limbo for fifteen years with all this untapped potential just waiting to be mined….

I’m always going to be gleeful about this ship and with a special fondness for Sina Grace for bringing Christian back from comic book Limbo and laying the foundation for this ship, like, just because like……I feel its long overdue and the only way to ACTUALLY make anything decent out of the bullshit that was mining his oppression for the sake of another character’s angst: by finally giving HIM the chance to be a character who is affected by all that, developed and moved forward from all of that, is the FOCUS of all that…..and even more importantly, now after being left offscreen for fifteen years by writers who considered his narrative nothing more than tragic filler….he finally has a chance to be an example of a gay character who gets to come BACK from all of that and move FORWARD from it, and like…find healing and happiness with another character, like Bobby.

So Bobby/Christian is actually hugely important to me for a variety of reasons, especially right now since this is all just happening recently, and I will love them forever and in defiance of the inevitable bullshit some future writer pulls that will piss me the hell off. Y’know, just going off of Vegas odds or whatever.

Aside from Bobby/Christian I’ve also always had a weakness for Bobby/Johnny Storm because they are the most iconic ice and fire characters out there and I am basically twelve. I also have blogged at length in the past about all the reasons I’m a huge fan of Bobby/Bishop and not just because their ship name would make them a literal bop. Again, I refer you to the thing where I’m basically twelve. But yeah, there’s a whole history there where when Bishop first came back into the past and met the X-Men who’d all been legends in his time, he kinda fanboyed a little over Bobby because of Bobby’s future legend, and then was kinda like….oh, that’s it? about him once he got to know Bobby and Bishop became like, the physical embodiment of underwhelmed. 

And ever since then Bobby’s always low key been like, a hyper-active puppy around Bishop, like, trying not to SEEM like he cares an awful lot about whether or not he’s managed to impress Bishop but because he can’t be subtle to save his life, mostly just coming across as “am I living up to the hype now? how about now? am I legendary NOW? What about now?” and I dunno. Its just kinda cute and a fairly unique dynamic, and Bishop has this deliberately bland, blink and you miss it sense of humor with the right writers and that I’ve always thought has a ton of potential for him to be privately amused by this tendency of Bobby’s, enough that he’s unwilling to confess to him that Bobby actually earned his respect years ago by this point, and he just doesn’t want to let Bobby know because then he’d stop. 

And then in terms of DC, I’ve posted a lot a lot a loooooooooot about my love for Dick/Kory in canon, and how they - and by extension we - were robbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbed, and if DC doesn’t give me my canon Mar’i and Jake Grayson one of these days, I don’t care if they have to import them from another universe and then have this universe’s Dick and Kory awkwardly try to co-parent them while living their own lives separately before finally coming back together and falling in love all over again and then becoming a single united family unit forever and ever in the most ridiculously complicated comic book version of the Parent Trap ever, like…..

I can’t even think of an over-exaggerated threat creative enough to convey just how badly I want and need this, DC, give it to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

And then also, I’ve actually posted a lot a lot a loooooooooooot (though not in a few years, probably, so those posts are all super old, lol) about how I think Kyle and Donna are a criminally under-rated canon couple and were actually really really good together because they went through so much together and Kyle literally grew so much as a character specifically on the things Donna called him out for the first time they dated, like, literally so he could be BETTER, and then with how anticlimactically they ended...because the thing is, they never actually even broke up! It was this thing where like, when Donna went to LA with Kyle for his high school reunion and to literally MEET HIS MOM, like HELLO, that is not a basic relationship step, that is Advanced Dating, like…..that is where they were at in their relationship when Donna literally got the call then and there that her ex-husband and her son had just died in a car accident. 

And Donna was devastated of course, and Kyle was devastated too - for her, and also in his own way, because he’d adored Robert and like, there were these issues where they were super cute and took him to the zoo together and Kyle was bonding with him and just like, melting over this kid, and Robert and Terry were killed by a drunk driver, and like, there was a later story where Kyle just went apeshit on this drunk driver he encountered because he had all these repressed feelings about Robert’s death and how it had hurt Donna and he’d made sure not to show any of that to her or even let on that he hurt for Robert’s loss in his own way, because he didn’t want to make it about him, he KNEW better…

And anyway, the point is…they never actually broke up in the sense of either of them at any point being all, oh we no longer love each other or think this can work, we need to end it. Instead, Donna said that she needed to take some time away from Kyle and everyone else and just…come to terms with what she’d lost and figure out who she even was now in the wake of that….and Kyle totally understood, didn’t argue or try and change her mind, he just said take as much time as you need, I’ll be here when you’re ready, and oh btw, here’s this lantern construct of a locket that I want you to keep because as long as it exists you’ll know that a part of me is still thinking about you and wanting you to be happy, wherever that is.

And then like…..less than a year later, DC did their super weird Dark Angel story where Donna was erased from reality and then had to be ‘recreated’ from Wally’s memories, and for awhile just existed in the form and identity she’d been recreated from, which was based entirely on what Wally knew of her and thought and felt about her, and so there were huge gaps in her identity where she was missing stuff she should have known but didn’t now because WALLY didn’t know about it.

Such as how when Donna met Kyle’s subsequent sorta-girlfriend Jade some time later - I say sorta because she and Kyle were still figuring things out at that stage, and Jenny-Lynn in part didn’t know if she wanted to actually get into a relationship with him because she thought he was still in love with Donna - well anyway, when Donna and Jenny-Lynn met in a later issue and she said all this to Donna, Donna reassured her not to worry about it, she was reading more into it than actually existed because she and Kyle had never been that serious anyway. 

Which. SCREECH! Brakes please. HOLD UP. 

Like, I’m sorry JAY FAERBER YES I REMEMBER IT WAS YOU WHO WROTE THAT ISSUE UGGGGGH, but like, in what UNIVERSE is “dated, broke up, then got back together later because she thought Kyle had matured a ton since they first tried dating and now they were so much stronger as a couple that she oh I dunno, introduced him to her son and they went on playdates together, went with him to meet his mom, had a never-vanishing lantern locket construct that signified just how much he would always love her” uh…..’never been that serious anyway’? I’m. What? Does not compute.

BUT WHATEVER.

LOL. Anyway, point is, so things like that actually make sense when you factor in the role Wally’s memories and perspective played in who Donna literally WAS for awhile (and the understandable existential crises she went through as a result). But like, at the point in time when Kyle and Donna were most serious, Kyle was still fairly removed from a lot of the rest of the DC universe, he wasn’t a core member of the JLA yet and usually operated independently, and he and Wally were NOT close at all yet, let alone friends….in fact, for as long as Donna and Kyle dated, Wally pretty much still actively hated and resented Kyle for just existing, since he’d always been close with Hal since he was a kid and Hal was his Uncle Barry’s BFF-and-homosexual-life-partner-in-all-but-name. 

Like, it was only after Kyle became one of the core JLA alongside Wally that the two of them finally worked out their mutual antagonism and became friends, but before that, Wally was NOT shy about expressing he hated this new GL guy and wanted nothing to do with him, even though it was for unfair reasons, sooooo……like, its not really that shocking that even though Wally and Donna are two of each other’s oldest friends and super tight, like, he was never going to be the friend she called up to let him know how great things were going with her and Kyle these days, lol, y’know?

So it makes sense that when Donna was first magically reconstituted thanks to Wally’s memories/view of her (btw, this was because Wally was out of phase with reality and was in the Speed Force at the precise moment that Donna was erased from reality by the Dark Angel’s magic, and that’s why he alone remembered her and was the template for undoing what the Dark Angel had done). But anyway, it makes sense that she would for a time have had very little memory or even knowledge of her and Kyle’s prior relationship, and basically just know/remember what little Wally actually knew of it. So from her perspective then, it could very well have seemed that they were never that serious, and everyone but Kyle like….kinda just nodded and figured okay, you would know after all, and just…..everyone ended up walking away with the idea that they were just this brief fling and neither had ever had strong feelings for each other, let alone love.

The problem I’ve always had is that eventually Donna DID regain her full memories and her own sense of self, and like….she was Donna again, through and through, existing as she always had without being limited to just Wally’s view or memory of her.

Soooo, at THAT point, she should have been perfectly aware of what her and Kyle’s relationship had ACTUALLY looked like, in its entirety, and I mean, I can understand them not getting back together at that point. It’d been years, they both were in very different places, Kyle had eventually gotten together with Jade after it was expressed by Donna herself that there was no reason not to, given that its not like they were ever that serious….so by the time Donna herself would have realized otherwise, I can totally understand her feeling that the moment had passed for them, that Kyle had moved on (just as Kyle had only ‘moved on’ once he felt there was no longer a chance of them returning to what they were). Like, all of that is super weird and complicated even by ridiculous comic book soap opera standards, so I mean….lol, how do you even BEGIN that conversation, y’know?

Buuuuuut, it just kinda sucks that at no point after that Faerber issue has any later writer ever had either Donna or Kyle discuss their previous relationship(s) in terms of what it ACTUALLY was, for BOTH of them, rather than just this trivial, ancient history fling that neither had ever been super invested in….even though for several years in the nineties they were one of THE major hero couples in comic books.

So. Yeah. As evidenced, I have a lot of unresolved Donna and Kyle feelings lol.

And then of course, there are and always will be my epic “OMG DICK AND KYLE COULD BE THE GREATEST SHIP AND END ALL THE SHIPS LIKE COULD YOU EVEN IMAGINE” feelings, but like. That’s a thirty pound tome in and of itself, so. Like. Just picture the two of them standing staring soulfully into each other’s eyes and then me, creepily fixated on them twenty feet away, chin propped up on my hands and going awwwwwwww while my own eyes like, sparkle anime style but also are the heart-eyes motherfucker meme at the same time.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Writing Clumsy Characters

This post includes tips on properly using clumsy characters as comic relief or as tension inducers, how to avoid clumsy character tropes, why people are clumsy and how the causes of that clumsiness might make them act, and includes tips on characters with ADHD, autism, and disabilities.

How To Write Clumsy Characters 

Do Not: substitute a genuine character flaw with clumsiness. Clumsiness is not a character flaw, it is not something that is wrong with a person or needs to be improved through honest character development. You cannot use clumsiness to cop out of giving your characters real human flaws. Emphasis on human flaws, because flawless characters are just the cardboard cut-outs of people, they’re there but are they really interesting.

Try Not: to make your character feel ashamed of being clumsy. It feels terrible to see clumsiness being shamed as something bad or embarrassing. People who are clumsy themselves will want to see clumsy characters treated nicely. So make your clumsy characters embrace their clumsiness and don’t let all your other characters bully them for it, but rather love them all the more for it.

What kind of characters should you attach the trait of clumsiness to?

Literally anyone. Boys, girls, main characters, secondary characters, background characters, villains, villain’s helpers, children, teens, adults, old people.

Clumsiness has many causes, many of them biological and non person specific, so literally anyone could be clumsy.

What causes clumsiness/People are clumsy in their own way

There are a lot of biological reasons for clumsiness and they all cause people to be clumsy in different ways.

People with poor situational awareness are not good at remembering everything in their environment and will often knock over things in their immediate area because they didn’t know or forgot something was there.

People with poor hand-eye coordination will not be good at catching things and will probably freak out when things are thrown at them because past experience has taught them that they are bad at catching things. They might even be bad at sports because of this.

People with inner ear imbalances will be unsteady on their feet, they may sway or knock into people. These are “tripping on air” type of people. They’re probably not great at sports either.

Children or teens who have had recent growth spurts and aren’t use to their new height, limb length, and strength. It takes a while to get used to a changed body. So maybe they’ll trip over their long legs or knock their head into something they use to be short enough not to worry about, like a low hanging door or banner or hanging house plant. This can (and probably should) apply to characters who had some massive body change, whether through science or magic. (Steve Rogers grew a foot in two minutes, and I know he’s a super soldier, but realistically he should have had a month or two where he wasn’t use to his new height and strength)

People with degenerative disorders that cause tremors will probably spill drinks or have trouble writing or have trouble doing small motor skill tasks. This is definitely something you should tread carefully with, and definitely do not make any other characters mock them for this. Chronic health issues, disabilities, and degenerative disorders are hard enough to live with without your family members and friends treating you like shit.

There are lots of reasons to be clumsy and it will make people act clumsy in their own manner.

If you want to use your characters clumsiness as some form of comic relief, here is how I recommend doing it

If you’re having a light-hearted moment between characters where friends and family are gathered round and joking and relaxed, it’s good to maybe have your clumsy character knock something over. Think a stack of papers or maybe spilling their drink or knocking into someone. Go back to what I said about a character not being shamed for being clumsy. This should be something your characters are used to. Your clumsy character laughs it off and their loved ones tease them lovingly about it but nobody is EVER made to feel bad about being clumsy.

In tense moments where a serious conversation is happening or someone is sneaking around trying not to get caught It’s fine to have your characters knock something over in this moment or to cause a little accidental and inconvenient mayhem. You can use it to increase tension because your character is afraid their tripping may lead to them getting caught. It may cause the serious, life or death, conversation to be halted for a moment as the conversationalists look at the character who knocked over a stack of books or broke a vase.

Your clumsy character is secretly dangerous and has some special fighting ability but outside of that special fighting ability they are a clumsy idiot. This particular example comes to mind because I’ve been rewatching Merlin, in which Merlin is a powerful wizard who must keep his magic a secret. He comes across as a clumsy idiot to all who know him but don’t know about his magic. In a way the clumsiness seems to hide just how dangerous Merlin actually is, and how lethal he can be (you don’t realize it at first, but Merlin kills quite a few people with his magic as the show goes on) I am of the belief that Merlin is still genuinely clumsy but maybe enhances it to appear especially harmless. Feel free to make your character dangerous and an excellent fighter of some kind, but clumsy outside of fighting. Or maybe they’re just pretending to be clumsy to seem harmless (but if we’re being honest here, it’s more fun if they’re genuinely clumsy anyway)

Clumsiness can be used to create inconvenient moments (a character getting caught or breaking something) but it can also be used to create convenient moments (they accidentally uncovered a clue or distracted someone who would have stopped the protagonist). These are great ways to include clumsiness into a character’s daily life, but there should be balance that for as many moments as clumsiness is convenient it is also inconvenient (and vice versa)

Disclaimer: the show Merlin refers to the character Merlin as a w*rlock but I’ve heard that word is offensive to some people of pagen or magic beliefs and out of respect to them I try to avoid using that word whenever possible. I usually stick to witch in my writing, since that is gender neutral.

Tired Tropes of Clumsy Characters

The clumsy female protagonist being saved from falling on her butt by the male love interest who catches her at just the right moment, usually with his arm around her waist or something. It’s very overdone in YA and because it’s over done it is now considered a no-no. It’s also not particularly realistic that someone would catch them at just the right moment unless they were super fast and had quick reflexes (in which case I guess it’s possible in Twilight, which is super guilty of it, but we’re not rewriting Twilight).

If you want, you can subvert this trope.

Step One: Alter the Gender Factor: maybe it’s not a clumsy girl protagonist and a fast, strong guy love interest. Maybe the guy is clumsy and not the girl. Maybe they’re both clumsy.  Maybe it’s just very gay with two guys, or two girls, or any mixture of gender identities from trans to non-binary to cis people. (I am a very clumsy non-binary person, and I’m very pan, it’s possible your character can be too)

Maybe the love interest does not catch your protagonist, but is very sweet and comforting when your character falls. Maybe the love interest is the clumsy one and the protagonist wants to help them when they fall. Maybe one does try to catch the other and they both fall. 

Maybe it’s not the love interest at all that comforts or tries to help the protagonist. Maybe it’s their best friend or their put upon sibling or a parent who lovingly teases them or a teacher who’s just being helpful because they just happened to be there.

Get creative with your circumstances.

Clumsiness in people who are not neuro-typical

In some cases, people who are not neuro-typical and have ADHD or are autistic might be clumsy. I’m not an expert on why that is, but I know it’s a common sign and I experience this myself and see this in friends. People with ADHD or who are autistic sometimes move in unique ways. They sway, balance on tip toes or on their heels, walk with their arms waving around. This is usually because that particular type of movement is enjoyable for them (stimming). There’s something calming or soothing about that type of movement. (or at least there is for me, I have ADHD). Because of this, their unique way of moving might appear to be clumsiness. But they are sometimes genuinely clumsy because they are not neuro-typical and maybe they lack the spacial or situational awareness or have poor eye hand coordination, which makes them clumsy.

Tread carefully here. This is not something you should turn into comic relief. Autistic people and people with ADHD are not here for your characters and readers to laugh at, they’re here to be people who are loved and respected just as much as able bodied and neuro typical people.

Disclaimer: this is not a guide for writing an autistic character or a character with ADHD. If you want to write a character like that, be my guest but please do your research. The best research you’ll ever get on writing a character with a specific condition is by reading stories from people who live with that specific condition themselves. There are lots of blogs run by people who live with ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar, and other mental disorders. There are lots of blogs run by people who are autistic. Read their stories and their experiences and always value their experiences over what articles written by neuro-typical and able bodied writers tell you. Those neuro-typical and able bodied people can’t tell you anything of value compared to someone who experiences what you’re writing about.

People with mental health disorders are not Web MD symptom lists.

People who are autistic are not Web MD symptom lists.

They’re people.

Clumsiness in people with disabilities or chronic health problems.

I’m going to tell you to tread carefully here again.

People who live with mobility and sensory disabilities may be more prone to clumsiness. That may be because of their disability, but it may also be because they were clumsy before they had this disability. 

This writer is visually impaired and I can tell you that I was clumsy before vision loss and continue to be the same level of clumsy, my vision loss didn’t chance that much.

People with degenerative disorders will lose muscle strength and coordination over time. This may result in spilling drinks or bad hand writing or not being able to fully lift something and dropping it.

People who have leg/arm injuries, chronic pain, muscle weakness, or nerve damage might struggle with walking or lifting things and sometimes they might fall, trip, or drop something.

This is not comic relief. Your disabled characters should never be laughed at, not by the narrator, the other characters, you, or your readers. They are not here for your characters and readers to laugh at. They deserve to be loved and respected the same as any able bodied or neuro-typical character.

I think that’s all I have for you on writing clumsy characters. If you have more to add, please feel free to add. If any of you want to reblog with links to other posts on how to write characters with ADHD, autism, or disabilities, please do. I’m sure someone who stumbled across this post is looking for most posts about writing characters who aren’t neuro-typical or able bodied. 

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[yourfaveisyanderematic]

Hi! Just wanted to drop by to ask what the writing process is like for you? What kind of facet of the story do you focus on the most? What motivates you to write diamond-level-sexy writing? And how long have you been polishing your writing to the point that it's this emotionally riveting and interesting? From a nonnie who adores your blog. In all-caps.

Oooh boy!  This is a fun question, because it’s a complicated one!  (Wow, who knew I’d be at a point where someone thought I was qualified to answer this question?)

Under a cut because wow this is gonna get long.

I struggle with ADHD and executive dysfunction; of the time I spend ‘writing’ a prompt, maybe 90% of it (hours or days, in one case well over a week) is rolling the idea around in my head until I come up with an idea or angle I think would be really interesting or exciting to write about.  Once I have the outline/idea in my head, I sit down for a couple of hours and bang it out, proofread it for typos, then post it.  Second draft who?  Editing what?  Don’t know her, bitch!

The first couple of ideas that immediately come to mind are usually rejected outright.  For example: “Cioccolata falls for a mafia member who doesn’t know who he is”.  Simply having him do kidnapping and then nonconsensual surgery is scary, sure, but it’s also too easy.  (I also…basically did that for my first Ciocco request but hey.  Hey.  Shush, you.)

To clarify: there’s nothing wrong with doing ‘easy’ prompts.  Execution is always, always, always more important than the idea you write, and can elevate a simple concept or hamstring a great one.  But I personally rejected this first option because it felt too stereotypical to pick for this character; what about Cioccolata sets him apart from every Evil Doctor™ ever?  What scenes was he in that made my gut twist with fear?  For this fic, I decided it was the psychological aspect of someone experienced with driving others to suicide/self-harm.  In a previous request, I was fascinated by an online description of an experience with a drug.  Essentially, I picked a ‘centerpiece moment’ of the request and started to build around it.

This next part is going to vary for everyone, and you kind of get a feel for it if you read a lot or watch a lot of media.  Basically, you gotta know what’s important and how to pace things.  In the original outline, I was going to have the prompt take up two “therapy” scenes, where another mafia member makes an offhand remark about suggesting you see a therapist and Ciocco using that as his in, and set up him ‘collecting’ information about you for the second half.  I cut this because I realized it was unnecessary.  There was nothing about those scenes that justified their word count, so I took note of what I wanted from them and folded it into the rest.  

Once I knew what to write and how, I just sort of…did it?  The most important things to me personally are an attention-grabbing opening line, and a snappy finisher, bc it forces me to start the story at what’s important.  When I edit work for friends I get a lot of “ugh I know this is bad, but I just had to set everything up to get to the good part”….don’t do that.  Don’t do that!  Start the story where the story starts, and it’ll all go from there.  You just gotta, you just gotta trust your gut on this.  The gut that will develop a sense for what’s good or bad based on all that reading I KNOW you’re doing, because I told you to read a lot.  If you don’t like it, it’s probably for a reason.  If dialogue isn’t sounding right to you, read it out loud to yourself and see where you stumble, then restructure the sentence.  If you’re writing about something you’re unfamiliar with/too familiar with, go look at some pictures or read some accounts so you’ve got the pertinent information captured.  If you’re writing along and wonder “hmm…but WOULD DDR exist in an arcade in 1989?” then get distracted for three hours researching it and six other tangential factoids that won’t ever be important in the work, JUST IN CASE.

Actually, hang on, don’t do that last bit.  Nobody notices.  

Anyway, that’s my writing process.  Touching on what you asked about “how long” I’ve been “polishing” my work…not very!  I’ve “written” since I was an awkward preteen selfshipping with Naruto characters, but I took a loooooOOOOONG break from writing proper, narrative fiction for literal years.  Depression will do that to you.  What got me back into it was running DnD and WOD games, where I developed greater flexibility with working with characters and improvisational storytelling.  The instant feedback from players also helped me zero in on what was important and what was ‘fun’.  Eventually, I got frustrated with the fact that none of my storytelling existed outside of game sessions, and started seriously working on individual, written work again.  By which I mean I tried NANOWRIMO for the first time in a decade, made it to 20k words and then stopped to regroup because my project was, surprise surprise, not up to my standards.

When I’m reading, I tend to make notes on what I like and don’t like about a piece.  If something is jarring or irritating, I make sure to avoid it in my own work.  If I like something, I try to zero in on just what it is that gripped me and then emulate it.

This last bit’s gotta stay between us, but the reason I fixate on horror, and why I put so much into these stories, is because I am someone who is afraid of other people.  My primary motivation for these stories is to express even a small fraction of the fear in my heart.  If it’s on paper and separated from me, in a form that others can experience, it becomes a source of entertainment, and I can live with myself again.  Things just happen to get horny sometimes because let’s be real here I Am A Sub, but 90% of what I write is literally me telling the world how I live (but like, allegorically, so nobody calls me out on it or worries about me too much).

The other 10% is just my hatred of the government.

[theexistentiallyqueer]

Sorry to bother, but where do autistic and adhd brains overlap? Because both are neurodivergent (and beautiful, I agree) But how can I find out which behaviour belongs more to me being autistic (got diagnosed this year) and which is adhd? (No Matter What Deadline, after several years in hostile environment (failed university, then call center work) I panic. Hard.) How do I disentangle adhd and autism to find out what strategies to use to function better?

Please don’t feel like you’re being a bother, because you’re not! Honestly the fact that someone is coming to me to ask ADHD questions makes me teary-eyed, because I’ve fought so hard to learn to function with ADHD that people Asking Me Things like I’m a trusted expert just makes my heart grow three sizes, the opposite of the Grinch.

I’m probably not the best person to ask about how ADHD and autism overlap specifically, especially if you’re taking this from an autistic POV. And I’m also not a behavioral expert, which is a very strong preface. But I can (and am very happy to) talk a bit about my experiences with ADHD and how I’ve learned to make things work for my brain.

I’m going to put this under a cut, if that’s okay with you, anon. It got kind of long and I don’t want to overrun anyone’s dash. And you can always, always ask me ADHD questions, and I’ll try my best to answer.

My ADHD tends to manifest specifically in the following ways:

Extreme hyperfixation that has its own varying degrees (e.g., I’m really into Fire Emblem: Three Houses, but I have so lack of interest in Byleth/Claude that my lack of interest feels like an actual void)

An inability to process feelings regarding things other people care strongly about that I don’t. If we’re using the same fandom example: I could rant forever about how Byleth/Edelgard gives me ALL THE FEELS, but if I friend I care about started to talk about Byleth/Claude, I would immediately lose all interest in the conversation and struggle to react in a way that doesn’t present me as a selfish monster who doesn’t care about the person I’m talking to.

I tend to monopolize conversation if I’m given the opportunity because I LOVE getting the chance to talk about my hyperfixations. If someone cuts me off when I’m really into a topic, I get incredibly irritated and have to try to restrain from myself from acting petty in response. The number of times I have smiled my mouth is a knife and said, “ANYWAY, as I WAS SAYING…” is beyond count.

I don’t recognize or remember people until I have something meaningful to associate them with. I also don’t tend to notice things that don’t clock themselves as Important in my brain. I usually describe this as “background furniture.” Even PEOPLE become background furniture. A girl I work with mentioned a person on her team had quit, and I’d literally walked by that person’s desk earlier that day and didn’t notice it was empty, because that person and the entire space they occupied was background scenery.

If something affects or touches me personally, it hits me Very Personally. I had a complete fucking breakdown watching the video of Philando Castille’s shooting, because I heard his daughter crying while she watched him getting shot and went down onto a spiral of personal loss over my own father to gun violence and started to immediately correlate the two. Separating ADHD brainness from my  whiteness is complex and hard and (said sarcastically) so, so much fun.

The direct inverse of that are things like: I’m talking to my mom, who’s telling me about a high school friend of hers just got into a horrific vehicle accident and is in the ICU. My mom then goes on to give me regular status updates on this woman I don’t know. I get out of work, and she talks about this woman’s surgery. I get out of work, and she talks about this woman’s family’s attempt to find an adequate rehab center. They find a rehab center, and my mom shows me how her friend decorated her daughter’s room. My mom shows me a video of the girl working with a physical therapist, who gets her to push herself upright with a walker and take her tentative steps. “Awesome!” my brain thinks. “Great!” my brain thinks. All of it spans over several days, weeks, months. I have nothing to do with this constant influx of information. I don’t know how my brain should file it. I don’t know this woman who was injured. I feel for her in theory because no one should ever have to go through that even though so many people do, but I haven’t ACTIVELY PRETEND like I personally am invested in the situation or else my mother gives me Concerned Eyes because I seem to be In A Bad Mood Today.

When it comes to organization, I tend to lean towards hyper-organization rather than hypo-organization. By which I mean I over-organize to combat the fact that ADHD often results in disorganization, and disorganization results in chaos, and chaos gives me COMPLETE PANIC ATTACKS. At work at one point, I had my emails auto-tagging every incoming email based on the email type, on top of tagging for my clients. Every label had a different color, and it all made sense to me, because I’d made it. When my team had cover my stuff on a day I was out, my inbox was such a horror show that it left them feeling drained and distressed.

Let’s talk about socialization! I have a rocky relationship with my childhood best friend. When I discovered social justice in college, I started picking fights with everyone over everything Problematique. The first major fight I had with my best friend at the time was because she felt I was over-aggressive towards a mutual male friend of ours. She was probably right, because I know the kind of bullying behavior I later developed. I thought I learned from it. After the 2016 election, I messaged her on FB, thinking I had a sympathetic ear, to say that seeing her mother post constant messages of support for Trump and sharing stuff dismissing Trump’s sexual assault allegations was particularly hurtful considering I’d told my friend that my mom had been sexually assaulted.. I’m not going to share what she said, but she wasn’t in the wrong. We didn’t talk for several months after that.

Speaking of her! When she started dating the guy she’s now married to, at one point I asked her if they’d had sex yet. I asked it because I thought it was a thing you were Supposed To Talk About as friends, and also because I was, in a way, morbidly curious, because I’m grey-ace and queer. She confirmed that they had, but I still felt so icky and uncomfortable about that for so long afterwards. It was only after I started to understand that I’m not cis and not allo that I really understood why: I was forcing myself to perform what I thought female friendship was based on how it’s portrayed in media, and it’s only once I began to understand that I’m on the ace spectrum and that I’m nonbinary that I really started to understand how forced mainstream conversations of attraction are.

I’m loud! I’m loud! I’m loud! I’m loud all the time! I live with my mom and I socialize with my mom and when we’re in public spaces and I’m talking about something that interests me, she always, always, always feels like she has to shush me. What makes it ironic? If there are other people being loud around me, I can’t function. I can’t process the noise. It’s EVEN WORSE if they’re speaking in another language, because if it’s English I can process the words at least, but if it’s another language, it’s just pure, inescapable sound that I know has meaning but can’t intuit, and if I can’t understand something, that’s as bad as dying.

From what I’ve read about autism, here are ways I THINK my ADHD traits overlap with autistic traits:

I can’t read facial expressions. I think I have a better concept of emotional nuance in facial expressions than someone who’s strictly autistic, but I’ll still panic when I see a smile that isn’t bland enough. RDS (rejection-sensitive dysphoria) will kick in. They hate me, they hate me, they hate me, is the track my brain will play on repeat until I’ve drunk myself into oblivion. Whenever someone smiles, I mistrust it immediately.

Eye contact is incredibly fucking frustrating. I understand that it’s expected, but it’s SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Why do we need to stare into each other’s eyes to understand one another? How can you people write whole treatises on the sanctity of locking gazes and finding an instant intellectual bond without realizing that eye contact that’s not called for is personally invasive?

I can’t understand flirting vs not flirting to the point that I’m absolutely paranoid someone is flirting with me, at which point I usually become hostile if I think they ARE, because DON’T FLIRT WITH ME. TALK to me!

I hate, hate, hate unsolicited physical contact. If I’m in a state of over-expression, I hate it even more. I’m not physically withdrawn, because I love hugs, and cuddles, and human touch. But when I’ve spent the entire day listening to other people talk and I have to walk into a room where people continue to talk, if someone touches me, it’s fucking No-Oh-One.

Someone is interested in a thing I’m interested in. We’ll use Persona 5 as the concept, because this honestly happened recently. I talk with the guy whose desk is across from mine about Persona 5 all the time. He’s also excited about Royal. I started going into my Sophia theory that I’ve really only lobbied at @softspokensansa. I could see, I could viscerally see, the interest drain from his expression. BUT I HAVE AN IDEA SO I WILL TALK ABOUT IT ANYWAY, and then afterwards I felt incredibly resentful that I was being filtered through a cookie-cutter drain.

It’s painful–it’s really painful!–to try to talk about my spiritual ideas with other people. I have a side blog I just started and am preppy myself to share, and I’m absofuckinglutely TERRIFIED everyone is going to write me off without looking at what I have to say. IT’S THE RSD AGAIN! Nothing I ever said has actually mattered before, so why should it now?

I feel, constantly, like I’m halfway between a point of reality and a point of something. What that something is is indefinable, but regardless of it, I exist.

I’d like to direct you to two very positive youtubers I know; I meant to do this earlier, but now feels right in terms of how I’ve written: How To ADHD and Amethyst Schaber.I credit both of them in helping me find a safe place with ADHD before diagnosis. There are stories other than yours that matter.

I wish you the best, anon! If you think you’re autistic and ADHD: given the comorbidity between the two, you probably are! And ADHD is just as beautiful, complicated, and misunderstood as autism is.

If anyone reading this can speak to living as both autistic and ADHD, please respond so I can lift your voice. And to my anon: you’re beautiful completely. I hope my story has helped you in its anyway, and I hope that you find yourself at a place of peace. It’s a struggle to get there, but it’s worth it, every step of the way.