#“I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too1”
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People who disagree with me couldn't possibly hold real beliefs. No, only I, a proud Democrat, stand for anything. I don't care about all the Palestinians the US and Israel are murdering as part of their genocide, and I certainly don't care that both Harris and Trump have said they would continue to do so, which means no one else ever did either. Clearly this was all a ruse, for they did not vote for a genocidaire, and therefore they stand for nothing.
Surely Harris couldn't have run a better campaign. Surely she couldn't have done more to distance herself from Trump or Biden instead of saying "I'm going to bring you more of Biden, except our border and military will be stronger." Surely she couldn't have tried to appear even somewhat progressive instead of courting the far-right and embracing figures like Dick Cheney, thus failing to endear herself to either party. Love him or hate him, Biden is a deeply unpopular president among the people from whom Harris needed votes, but an evil wizard cursed her, so she was forced to do and say many of the things that made him unpopular in the first place.
It's a shame she just had no choice and no agency as a person. She didn't run a bad campaign. It's the leftists who are wrong. After all, the candidate I like is entitled to leftists' votes. If they don't vote according to my specifications, regardless of what those are, that is a betrayal on their part. It doesn't matter how bad a candidate the Democratic party puts forth, they have to vote for them, because anything else is morally incorrect, and I just can't imagine why thirteen months of smug bullying didn't get that through their heads.
I suppose even enlightened geniuses like myself will never understand the truth behind every mystery. Now it is time to return to my odinsleep for four years before I do it all over again, still tragically stricken by the same disease that makes me unable to learn from the past. Surely it will work next time.
They called it… they fucking called it
To those who were eligible to vote but refused cuz of Harris- well congratulations! That orange fucker won. Hope you’re happy. Also don’t start bitching when all of our rights starts to get taken away (reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, etc.) we fucking warned you. We warned you that if you didn’t vote then trump was more likely to win. Also you pulling this stunt- isn’t gonna help Palestine. Y’all claim that you are pro Palestine but after this election- you just proved that you really don’t give a damn about them. So congrats!
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What have I been up to?????
Hey all! I'm sure you're all cycling rapidly through the stages of grief like I am, but I thought I'd just check in and let everyone know what's going on with me and when they can expect more comics!
GOOD NEWS: I got a concept art job! I've been working freelance for a client for about two months now and things are going great! Honestly working on short assignments with weekly deadlines has been an amazing break from the slow, constant march of longform comics. I am surprising myself every day and haven't been this excited to learn and grow as an artist in a very long time. Moving forward, I would like to find a full time job in games and stay there, rather than continuing to hustle full-time in comics. I've paused my Patreon for the foreseeable future.
THAT BEING SAID: I will always be making comics!!!!!! I love them a lot, they've been good to me, and I have all these ideas in my head that NEED to be let out. I want to start making them in my own time, rather than as my main source of income. We'll see how long it takes to find true stability in concept (maybe never, lol) but in the meantime I will keep drawing my silly little guys and posting them online for everyone to see. I have to! I have to keep going and making the art I want to see in the world! We have to keep going!!!!
SAKANA: hoping to get back to the fish boys sooner rather than later. I've been stuck on whether to end the latest chapter right away or get a few more pages in there. We're moving into a HEAVY part of the plot, which will be trickier to write, so I've been procrastinating lol. Please don't take my extended absence as proof that I'm walking away from the story: I've just been busy with a new job and I don't know exactly how to get to the next chapter yet!! (also, jsyk, the Webtoon mirror is something I was doing for fun! not a priority!!)
RR: I actually have a few different projects started for RR! Chapter 2 is like 9 pages in, but then I paused and started work on a 20ish page minicomic, which is like 7 pages in. I'm going to finish the mini first and hopefully upload it to itch.io. For Chapter 2, I created this really elaborate environment in an effort to force myself to learn Blender, but then I got a job....so I have no time to learn Blender lol. Still trying to figure out whether to simplify or push forward.
OTHER: yeah...I am a comic artist at heart so obviously I have a million things I want to do. But SAKANA and RR are the highest priority right now!
UPCOMING: I am pursuing other freelance work for shorter, more manageable projects! If you need somebody to redline all your thumbnails, critique the first draft of your synopsis, or make a 20-40 page comic, please keep me in mind!
In closing: I'm locking my twitter accounts tonight and moving away from the platform for now. I'll be here, Instagram (@/mad_rupert), and BlueSky (@/madrupert). Thanks for sticking with me, let's hold onto and support each other in the coming weeks, months, and years! Let's keep going!!!!! I love you all so much!!!
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marry me — sam winchester.
pairing: sam winchester x gn!reader
summary: you woke up and decided that you should marry sam as soon as you could.
cw: just fluff, very cliché, no use of s/n, established relationship, brief mention of canon-typical violence, thoughts about marriage, hugs, kisses, use of nicknames by sam and reader (honey, darling, baby, my love), small appearance by dean, poorly edited.
a/n: okay, this was VERY short, i'm still learning how to write this kind of stuff, i'm not very creative, but i needed to write this to take a weight off my shoulders, i loved so much this shit with sammy ;(( sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language!! enjoy ;)
(ps: im reposting this because i moved blogs!!)
— send me an request!! <3
It was a day like any other after a long hunt. You woke up, Sam was sleeping peacefully next to you in the shared room. You looked at the time on the clock; it was 7am.
Sam was half hugging you, one of his big arms under your back, another hand on your waist, one of his legs folded between yours, the sunlight coming through the gaps in the curtain, illuminating his face in such an incredible way, and you could see a small smile on his face, he really was at peace. You loved it when he slept so well like that, no nightmares, no worries transmitted on his face, just the peace of a good night's sleep.
You thought a lot about it, about how much you wanted to wake up every day with Sam by your side, like, have a life with him, maybe even retire from hunting, get married, a house further away from the city, or even live in the bunker, it didn't matter, you just wanted to be with him until the end of your lives, be his forever, and have him for yourself too.
Sam started to wake up, a big smile on his face when he saw you there beside him. "Good morning, honey." he said in that sleepy voice. "Marry me." You said simply, admiring your boyfriend's beauty, having barely woken up.
"What did you say, darling?" He turned to the side, propping himself up on his elbow to look into your eyes. "I said marry me, my love." You smiled what was probably the biggest smile of your entire life, then leaned in and kissed Sam on the nose.
"Wait," he sat down on the bed, and you followed his action, sitting in front of him. "What's wrong?" You saw how the expression on his face changed, something like surprise, with a hint of confusion. "Are you serious, baby?" He said, taking your hands and looking deep into your soul, he really wanted to know that.
"I've never said anything so serious in my life, Samuel," you replied, clasping your hands around his.
"Oh, of course I want to marry you, in fact, just wait here." He let go of her hands and turned to get out of bed, and went towards the dresser in the room, opened one of the drawers, and from the bottom, took out a red velvet box. "I've been planning this for a while, I wanted to wait until we had a day off and I could take you out to dinner and do it in a more romantic way."
He knelt in front of the bed, opened the little box, and reached out to take yours, you sat on the edge of the bed, almost crying and held his hand. "Do you want to marry me too?" He smiled big, and you simply started to cry. "Oh my god, yes yes, please, yes."
"I should be the one asking you please, you are the most important person in my life, and I would do anything to protect you from all this shit we keep fighting, just to have you for myself forever, my love." He took off the ring and put it on your finger, kissing your hand. He stood up and hugged you, wiping your tears.
"Oh, I love you so much." You said, and began to shower his face with kisses.
"What's that noise here? Who's crying?" Dean appeared at the door, wearing his robe with a cup of coffee in one hand.
"I did it, Dean." Sam said looking at his brother, he held his wrist and pointed his hand so Dean could see the ring.
"Uh, finally, Sammy, I'm so happy for you." He said with a smile that quickly faded. "But can you stop making so much noise? It's only 7am, thanks." Then he turned and closed the door.
"Typical Dean," you said, laughing.
#sam winchester supernatural#supernatural#spn#sam winchester#sam winchester x reader#sam winchester x reader fluff#sam winchester x you#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural x reader#supernatural fic#supernatural x you#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x platonic!reader#supernatural drabble#sage write!!
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could you do headcanons for dabi who’s with a s/o that is a really kind and giving individual. he didn’t like it at first and he thought his s/o being so kind to people who were less fortunate like the homeless was a bad thing but he starts to pick up on their behavior and his s/o catches him doing something nice for something and they both realize he’s started to pick up after his s/o
Ooo, yes, absolutely! I feel like I can relate to this very well. I can already imagine all the things he'll say. I'm sorry this took so long. I've been trying to focus and take a bit better care of myself than I have been, especially with the carpal tunnel. I hope all of you will enjoy these anyway. I feel so bad about not posting here or on my A03. Thank you so much for your request! Please enjoy this, Dabi Goddesses!
Pairing: Dabi w/ S/O that is really kind and giving
Headcanons or one-shot? Headcanons with a small written scenario
Rating: SFW! Warning though! Dabi is sweet at the end and may steal your heart.
"You know they're just going to take advantage of you, don't you? You really need to set boundaries, doll."
At first, it really bothers him how kind and selfless you are and also maybe even makes him a little jealous.
And, he can sound very harsh and occasionally really hurt your feelings sometimes with things he says when he nags you about it, but he really means well.
He really doesn't want to see anyone hurt you or take advantage of you. EVER.
"You really are too kind for your own good. It's going to cause you a lot of trouble one of these days."
"You're such a pushover. You couldn't even tell someone, "No" even if you wanted to."
When he sees he hurts your feelings or upsets you, he does feel bad after, however. Believe me.
After a while though, he really grows to admire you and appreciate you.
After all, it takes a lot of courage to keep being yourself and being selfless, even if sometimes you do get hurt in the process.
You do eventually learn to set some healthier boundaries that Dabi takes note of, and he's proud of you, but he also grows to love how sweet you are.
Eventually, you both don't realize you've rubbed off and made him "softer" a little bit.
One day, you are out of the apartment when you hear a child crying. At first, you think Dabi may have said something rude without meaning to, and upset them, but a glance at the scrapes and blood on their knees proves otherwise. Dabi has kneeled down before them carefully.
"Did you go and hurt yourself there, little bit?"
The little one looks up at him with red and puffy eyes, still rubbing at them, and nods meekly.
"First, I need you to get up...C'mon. You can do it."
Dabi reaches out a hand gingerly and helps the young one to their feet carefully as you watch.
"Wanna see something cool to distract you from the pain a little bit? I'm gonna have Y/N go get you some band-aids and ointment."
Another nod in agreement. Dabi takes in a deep breath and carefully kneels back down to the child's height before he holds out a hand and gently alights a small cerulean flame ablaze in his palm. He glances at you carefully.
When you come back with the band-aids and medicine, you notice the child's laughter filling the air. The child is now fully seated on his lap with him carefully juggling the fire around them.
-----
Now bandaged up and much more dry-eyed and content, the mother soon arrives. It turns out the little one had gotten separated in the rush hour of people. She's surprised to see Dabi entertaining her child so well, despite his looks, but offers him a gentle smile and thanks you both softly as she gathers the little one into her arms.
As they're walking away, Dabi just casts his eyes over you.
"Don't even think about it."
"Think about what?" you smile.
"THAT. Stop it."
You giggle softly at him.
"...Maybe it's not so bad."
"Hm?"
"Maybe it's not so bad being just like you...every once in a while."
You can only smile in return as he grabs your hand and interlaces your fingers.
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“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Fanonwriter2023 on AO3
Where CANON and FANON collide!
Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Chapter 26 is now available on AO3.
Please note: Chapters 24 and 25 were posted at the same time.
This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!
“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Currently 26 chapters completed: 1M Words; Rated: Mature
One chapter will be posted at a time.
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Here's a snippet from Chapter 26 of an emotionally distraught and hysterical Eddie while he's on the phone with 9-1-1.
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“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”
“Yes I’m at 4995 S. Bedford St. and I have an adult male, 31 years of age who's unconscious and unresponsive and I need medical response.”
“Ok sir, can I get your name?”
“Eddie Diaz! I’m a firefighter and a paramedic with the 118.”
“Eddie!” Linda asks.
“Yes! Linda, I’m so glad it’s you.” He heaves past the sob lodged in the back of his throat that feels like a ping pong ball and continues. “Listen, it’s Buck… SHIT!” He stops talking because he remembers he needs to follow protocol for her recording then he tries again. “I mean you need his first and last name for the call. It’s my husband Evan Diaz and he’s also a firefighter with the—the 118.”
“Ok Eddie, I’m checking to see which RA unit is closest to that address but can you tell me what happened?”
“I—I don’t know but I came into the living room; he was swaying back and forth and I caught him before he—he hit the floor. I manually checked his vitals by doing the ABC method… I opened his airway, checked his breathing along with his circulation, then I—I got my medical bag and checked his pupillary response which is fine but his pulse, his blood pressure and his heart rate... and all of them are still low which is why I believe he might be having a bradycardia event. Linda… oh my god, whatever is happening to him is more serious than syncope because he’s still unresponsive.”
“Can you tell me how long he’s been down?”
“It’s been more than two minutes but I didn’t start counting until after I caught him so I could be one or two seconds off.”
“Ok, Eddie, our closest unit is 6 minutes away.”
He frowns and loudly asks, “Six minutes? Why?! I’m sorry please—please forgive me for being loud but I... I—I’m asking because there’s a fire station less than 4 minutes away from here.” He feels like he’s about to crawl out of his skin because the proximity of their home to the closest fire station in this area is one of the reasons why he decided to purchase it. He wanted to be close to one for Chris just in case they ever have to call emergency services.
Will the RA unit arrive in time to save Buck or will Eddie lose the love of his life? 👀
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This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!
Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.
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Chapter Summaries
Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.
Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.
Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.
Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.
Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.
Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.
Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.
Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.
Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial. But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.
Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories. Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.
Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie. It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.
Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.
Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.
Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?
Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.
Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.
Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.
Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.
Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.
Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?
Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.
Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.
Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.
Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.
Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?
Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.
Chapter 27 - Will be posted soon.
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Read chapters 1-26 are available on AO3.
Continue reading on AO3
#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#christopher diaz#the buckley diaz family#buckley diaz family#The Diaz Family#911 on abc#911 abc#911 fanfic#buddie fanfic#ao3 fanfic#buddie wip#“I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”#Fanonwriter2023 on AO3#Chapter 26 is available on AO3
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You ever been overly-excited about a thing you're making, even though you know it's gonna take a while to present to people?
Anyway, I'm working on a post-EW post for Lohi-
#Mooncat ramblings#I need to get to the Zenos fight#to take the last pose for it#But reading through it in my drafts#has me excited and emotional#because I love my big dumb boy so much#and I'm so glad I followed that whim to make him#There's really something to be said about how attached you get#to the characters you run through the whole story with#Like#I love Eros#Don't get me wrong#but I'm not nearly as attached to him as I am to Ki'to and Lohi#because I ended up buying him a skip#And while EW made me emotional about him#I still find myself drawn to my catboys#because I learned a lot about who they were through the story#and they feel like old friends#Y'know?
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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dude my mom doesn't even let me identify as a pacifist without debating me on it how tf am I supposed to come out as queer lol
#i'm posting this on here because this is where I have the least amount of irls following me LOL#and the irls I have on here are the sweetest sjdjjdjd 💕💕#but I need to vent like what do you MEAN I SHOULDN'T SAY I'M A PACIFIST BECAUSE “WHAT IF YOU HAD NO OTHER CHOICE THAN TO HOLD A WEAPON”#LIKE#I feel like this goes under the same argument as “would you still refuse to eat if you were a vegan#and you've been STARVING for a month and the ONLY THING TO EAT WAS A STEAK??? WOULD YOU EAT IT THEN???“#like istg mother#if I somehow was in a life-or-death position where my only way of self defense or way to defend my loved ones#was to use a gun then I think I'd abandon a lot of the other morals and standards I have set for myself already eye-#AS LONG AS I HAVE THE CHOICE#I WOULD NEVER HOLD A REAL GUN OR FIREARM ???#I think wars and weapons and militairy are stupid af and think world leaders who use that sht are cowards and should learn how to use WORDS#which I KNOW is highly ironic considering what company I work for and don't think I don't cringe and feel bad every single time I remember#and I KNOW Sweden is one of the countries that produce the most weaponry etc in the world and I HATE IT#but alas#i do need a job#and I also can barely afford an apartment of my own much less move to another fkn COUNTRY#BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN “NAH I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A PACIFIST?” 😭😭😭 BRO I NEARLY CRY JUST THINKING ABOUT MANDATORY MILITARY SERVICE#AND I NEVER EVEN HAD TO TRY OUT BCS I HAD THE OPTION TO JUST SAY “no thanks” ?!?!?!?#WHAT DO YOU MEAN
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I overshare online because I need constant validation that every thought and action of mine is Good and Okay and Normal. Surely this is a healthy coping mechanism
#something I'm trying to work through#comes from a hard mixture of autism (not knowing if what im doing is Normal behavior)#OCD (guilt loops that last for days weeks months on end)#ADHD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)#being raised christian (always being reminded that bad thoughts and actions will send you to hell)#and trauma from being heavily monitored as a teenager (very used to having every thought & action over-analyzed)#i have a constant craving for validation because of all of those things#which leads me to being a very self-absorbed person#i feel like if people aren't consistently telling me that im a good person then i must be horrible#im putting my emotional work onto others when i do that#making it THEIR responsibility to make me love myself#it's not healthy for you or anyone around you#you can't truly improve yourself if you're always relying on other people to verify whether or not you're okay#especially since everyone has different opinions & biases#if you never learn how to validate yourself you become completely reliant on others#and if you lose that outside validation everything will fall apart#even though i know these things i still haven't broken out of the habit#but that's another thing you have to give yourself grace for#you can't expect yourself to instantly adhere to new expectations#so you're gonna be hypocritical at times#you can't hate youself for that either it takes time to break habits#you need to find the line between self criticism and self hatred#love yourself Or Else. literally.#.bdo
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😺
#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet#i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean#he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today#and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this#its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back#but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason#he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much.#he would want that for all of us right#but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus#the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months.#thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time#and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol#my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most#when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most.#but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway#i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit#i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody#because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right#and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated.#i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do.#to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him#nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it#anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓#please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓#we have esch other and we will be okay 💓#sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓
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Not me crying because I had a really bad beginning of 2023 and signed up for a program that would proceed to make the rest of my 2023 rough and I spent the whole first three months of 2023 trying to pick myself up and motivate myself like "I'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me" and well look at that I made it
#timeline for anyone not in the loop:#Late 2022: Moved a thousand miles from home to Oregon for a new job. I love LOVE the area.#new job gives me very nice salary so I get myself a nice apartment all to myself#January 2023: Company I moved for decides to close Oregon location. Offers me choice to relocate again to CA this time#*panic because I can't afford my apartment without that salary and I'm still on a lease for 7 more months. Also I love Oregon so much*#*continue to panic because there are no other companies nearby doing that same type of niche work so I'd be giving up my career if i stay*#February: Ultimately decide to stay in OR and figure it out. Look into my options#March: Sign up for an accelerated program to learn software engineering#Interview for it and get accepted. Take out loan to pay rent so I can stay in apartment where I'm settled and comfortable and can focus#My last day at my old company comes and I am officially unemployed#April: Start the program. Most bootcamps are 3 months. This one is 7-8 months. Up to 11ish if you struggle and need to repeat some sections#It's like 70-80 hours a week of commitment to both classes and homework#Mentally prepare myself for the rest of 2023 to be hell and possibly early 2024#Still no idea how well I'll pick up software engineering so I might struggle and take up to 11 months#May through November: thankfully it turns out I'm really good at picking up the logic. I successfully complete in 7 months#December: My brain shuts down for a bit to rest and recover. Still unemployed but feeling optimistic and ready to hit the job hunt#Bring it on 2024. Bring it on#mine#memories
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sometimes i think of scenarios in my head with my ocs and then sometimes for happy brain i kinda crossover them with my favorite medias atm and also insert myself in bcs i like being self-indulgent and yeah my brain is so fucked up that i just keep repeating the same first bits and can't get far in thinking and i end up just having my s/i ramble my thoughts and it's hard to explain but yeah but anyways it's interesting thinking about who or what my ocs would like in video games or colors or whatever because all my ocs seem to reflect a certain part of me and i can get into the psychology of that but also its hard to explain my thoughts but also anyways yeah i find it interesting thinking about who my ocs would kin
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#feel free to just ignore me oopsies i am just rambling but yeah i love my ocs so much#sorry besties you are all subject once more to my brainrots and rambles and random thoughts now that i am on tumblr rn#my brain is very interesting to me and the way i think but also i can't properly think in such a way and i find it really hard to explain#and i'm such a mess but also man i don't know and i'm going off-track and god i love vgm so much and i don't want to do homework#but anyways back to the goddamn point !!! so my oc merle. i have little crossover thoughts in my head right and i realize#he's similar with akira and then it makes sense as to why i like characters like akira and it's a little woa fr bcs#the way i imagine merle is really similar to akira actually but with a more purple color scheme (but still dark) and he doesn't wear#glasses (at least. wait. actually. i don't really know anymore) GOD my mind never stops but yeah uhm yeah#i think humans are so unbelievably interesting and it's all just so fascinating and and and#also i've awakened to the fact i really like sharks i think they're very cute! i still prefer dolphins though#people who hurt animals make me really angry and sad... i think about it and already want to cry#i have never had a pet but my grandparents had lots and it's funny how memory works. i forgot they once had a pet turtle#until something in a school group project involved my group involving a pet turtle in our storyline for something#and then i remember that past. my past. once again. and clearly even! and... yeah#but yeah... i know i will never abandon my pet if ever i do get a pet. or pets. i would never do that and i really know this is a fact with#all my heart but what's stopping me from getting a pet is that i need to take better care of myself first and learn how to take care of#pets! i think where i live there's actually an opportunity for me to do so. i'll try to see more about that. and hmm... this is a really#busy year for school. and then the next. and then tbh everything onwards from 2023 so... i don't want to put time to something#i'm not even sure if i can really make time for. but. i think i really do want a pet! a dog esp. but also a cat. but a dog esp#bcs i've always wanted one !! i know when it comes to something i really want i am very dedicated and passionate#like how i already calculated xiv expenses months before actually got the game? and planned how me and lune would do things too#and then because i want to handle money better and take note of all that i yeah and yeah and yeah im tired of typing now BYE#will now disappear again after rambling quite a lot ^__^ maybe? maybe not? who knows!#my thoughts are so. whack. wack? idk. but uhm yeah it went from ocs to sharks to pets to money and idk huh#man w some things i'm really shy about being perceived or asked about. like my ocs. egbhebgjhbjehs ;;;;;#and people being nice to me T__T sorry i rlly appreciate it but i can't really comprehend it and my coping mechanism is avoidance
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Today I learned that there's a limit to the number of notes you can put in a post.
hm actually i made a joke poll like this a while back but now im genuinely curious
#I'm honestly not sure. There's a good chance I'd continue to want to be a historian and teacher like I'm studying to become#but I also love writing so maybe I'd want to stick to doing that full time and writing books and stories#maybe I'd want to be a librarian#or even start a cafe#or a library cafe#maybe I'd become a philosopher#who fucking knows!#The whole point is that everyone's needs will be met you can pursue your passions and contribute according to their abiloty to do so#I think I'd take up some intellectual work#Become a scholar#History and Philosophy and Gender/sexuality Studies and whatever else picked my interest#Consume and produce knowledge#And throw myself into learning literature and writing books#I think some people forget that entertainment would still exist in the leftist commune#movies books video games etc wouldnt stop being made#But rather people would work on them for passion rather than profit#Idk Im just rambling at this point#but like I feel like people underestimate how much capitalism warps their way of thinking#like the very idea of the post feels like “oh if you could do art and hobbies in ur free time what would you do as ACTUAL work”#which is such abhorrent mentality that I feel is cultivated by capitalist culture#these things CAN be what you make your life's work and dedicate yourself to#But without the constraints of capitalism#without worrying about whether becoming a writer will mean not being able to afford rent#without the capitalist social stigma around productivity#ALL trades would be important and seen as valuable as they really are#Like the line between “work” and “hobby” would be very muddied#because we see lots of things that dont generate profit in capitalism but are still valuable work as “hobbies” and give them no social valu#I saw a lot of notes in the post like “oh Id WANT to do this” but maybe I should do something actually useful like farming#which is NOT how I think we should be looking at this! its a world of possibilities and EVERYTHING you do is useful and good for society#even if not productive by capitalist standards or doesnt produce an actual physical thing
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so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.
i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.
i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.
and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.
so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.
and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to
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sometimes people on rate my professors are just wrong
#this is about my one german prof who kinda looks like ben shapiro#no he's not that amazing of a prof tbh but he's nice and if you made an effort you could actually learn a lot from him#not necessarily in a regular academic setting but just like..in general by talking to him and shit#he's a lovely brilliant man and i strongly disagree with his rate on this website based on my own experience and talking to other people#we in the history and/or medieval studies programs at uni love him! ok maybe he kinda sucks as a college professor#so what? he's still smarter and more interesting than your ugly ass. and probably nicer tbh#he almost called an ambulance for me this one time! and then got me water and then gave me an A for my not that good oral presentation!#and did so many things that made him stand out with so many of my classmates AND other profs and TAs#like once one of my TA legit went on a whole tangent on how this man knows everything about everything and everyone who knows him agreed#and that one TA is extremely aloof and don't appears to care about like...anything.. so it really means a lot#maybe if y'all commenting had read his syllabus before asking him dumbass questions y'all wouldn't be giving him 2 on rate my teachers smh#like he's european! german even!! i know y'all are soft as hell i'm québécoise too so but he comes from a land where it's normal..#to tell dumbasses that they're being dumb#some of y'all (including myself) need to hear it the fuck?#y'all are paying to be in college wouldn't you rather hear the truth??
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“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Fanonwriter2023 on AO3
Where CANON and FANON collide!
Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Chapters 22 & 23 are now available on AO3.
Please note: Chapter 22 was too large to be added to AO3 as one chapter, therefore it has been divided into two and they're both available on AO3.
This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!
“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Currently 23 chapters completed: 893.1K Words; Rated: Mature
One chapter will be posted at a time.
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Two snippets are included below, one from Chapter 22 and one from Chapter 23. Both chapters are available on AO3.
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Here's a snippet from Buck and Eddie's marriage ceremony in Chapter 22 and it's romantically fluffy.
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Mayor: “Vuole, Signor Edmundo M. Diaz prendere quest’uomo, Signor Evan M. Buckley como suo legittimo marito?”
Antonio: “Do you Mr. Edmundo M. Diaz take this man Mr. Evan M. Buckley to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“Lo faccio.” [“I do.”] Eddie admits with a huge smile.
~~~
Mayor: “Vuole, Signor Evan M. Buckley, prendere quest’uomo Signor Edmundo M. Diaz como suo legittimo marito?”
Antonio: “Do you Mr. Evan M. Buckley take this man Mr. Edmundo M. Diaz to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“Lo faccio.” [“I do.”] Buck admits while his signature Eddie smile graces his lips.
~~~
Mayor: “Gli anelli, per favore.” Amerigo: “The rings please.”
It's their marriage ceremony but what's going to happen next?
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Here's a snippet from Chapter 23 of an emotionally angsty discussion happening between the newlyweds, Buck and Eddie.
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Buck says, “But babe… I don’t want it if we’d lose you in the process.”
Eddie furrows his eyebrows because he’s confused. “I don’t understand because I’m not going anywhere.”
“About two weeks ago we talked about how we were going to make decisions for this family together. We said some would be unilateral and some would have to be jointly discussed… do you remember that?”
The memory of that conversation slams into the front of Eddie’s mind like a tidal wave because he not only remembers it; he knows he was the one who suggested they talk about it. “Yes, I remember.”
“And about two months ago, we had two conversations… one happened the morning after we got engaged and the other one happened several days later. We uh, agreed we’re equals in this relationship and the money we have and earn is for our family.”
Eddie nods his head in agreement because they discussed those things too.
“EDDIE, ME AND CHRIS NEED YOU!” Buck whisper shouts with tears in his eyes.
Why is Buck upset and whisper shouting at Eddie when they've only been married for four days? 🤷🏽♀️
This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!
Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.
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Chapter Summaries
Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.
Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.
Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.
Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.
Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.
Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.
Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.
Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.
Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial. But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.
Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories. Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.
Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie. It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.
Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.
Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.
Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?
Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.
Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.
Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.
Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.
Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.
Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?
Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.
Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.
Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.
Chapter 24 - Will be posted soon.
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Read chapters 1-23 are available on AO3.
Continue reading on AO3
#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#christopher diaz#the buckley diaz family#buckley diaz family#The Diaz Family#buddie fanfic#911 fanfic#ao3 fanfic#buddie wip#911 on abc#911 abc#Buck and Eddie get married in chapter 22#Fanonwriter2023 on AO3#Hiatus Reading#“I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”#Please note: Chapter 22 was so large that it had to be separated into two chapters. So there's two new chapters on AO3 and they're 22 & 23
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