#’’the fandom’’ being the one for my daydream fictional character version of just me

[eternalstateofoctober]

every day i wonder what the fandom would gif about me

[theshadowsingersraven]

so @gwyns (correctly, in my opinion) observed that e/riels are normies. i've also held this belief, as well as close friends of mine who have been in fandom and done things like RP'd on Tumblr, wrote/read fanfiction back in the day for things like Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, etc. And @tsundoku-life asked this brilliant question: do you think this was inevitable, with how the idea of fandom has become more widespread?

I am someone whose been here for a while. This has been my one and only mainblog through the literal upwards of a decade I've been in fandoms. This blog has seen me through Harry Potter phase, dips back into Naruto (where my crippling addiction to emo boys started, if you stanned Sasuke when you were 12 also, I see you and I love you) Superwholock phase, anime phase, Fire Emblem, etc.

And genuinely? Yes. I think so. If it wasn't ACOTAR, it probably would've been something else with equally as popular, or easily marketable aspects. However, I do think there is a unique aspect to Elain and purity culture that makes this debacle particularly irritating. Essentially, I'm "Yes, and"--ing this question.

So, I think the thing with Elain is that, to E/riels, she is counter-culture. She's unique, she's the refreshing "not like other girls" character because this genre, understandably, has a lot of female characters that are trained in combat, politically savvy/trained to be spies, or have skills in areas that would otherwise be considered traditionally masculine. Aelin, Bryce, Nesta, Feyre, Manon, Lidia, etc. are often highlighted as being people's favorites, and often times are in positions where they have to regularly take direct action to get the plot moving.

(However, to be fair to Elain, she has not gotten the benefit of rotating POV and therefore more reason to take action like the CC and TOG cast. She is still waiting in the wings for her moment, and I want to give her a fair shake here.)

While I would not say these female characters are traditionally masculine overall, or that their feminine traits should be dismissed, if we're comparing on a scale of 1-10 (1 being most traditionally feminine and least masculine and 10 being most vice-versa), they are all closer to 10 than Elain is, if that makes sense.

However, if we step back and look at least American society overall (I can only speak to my experience, ofc), characters like Elain are the ideal. Traditional femininity, despite how it's also demonized, it's still "correct" to patriarchal society. And with the rise of conservatism everywhere and prevalence of purity culture, Elain is the perfect fictional sword to fall on to further conservative ideology. No one is immune to propaganda, but I don't think it's a coincidence that Elain having such overlap in purity culture via E/riel ship dynamics (she's so pure/perfect/untainted and she'll "save" him, etc.) and her traditionally feminine hobbies that tend to misalign with adventure/fantasy as a genre (you can look at how people treat Sansa from GoT, for example), can appeal to a more conservative mindset.

The poor, overhated, down-trodden female character that just wants to be feminine and refuse the role of a mate in a sea of "masucline" female characters kicking ass, taking names, and falling in love with their fated mates.

I don't think anything sounds more like a conservative woman daydream than that, tbh.

Conservatism thrives on the belief (mistaken one at that) that they're the underdogs, that they're counter-culture in this zeitgeist when in reality...they're just not central focus in a particular format or setting. It's hard not to notice the massive overlap in the love for E/riel, the E/riel version of Elain, and the current rise of conservative values. I don't think it's a coincidence at all that these all interplay. Does that mean that all Elriels are conservative? No, definitely not. I won't pretend to know their values, and I'm sure they believe that their insistence on a ""woman not owing a man anything"" actually applies to Elain directly without the nuance the subject requires (you know, about fiction and depiction versus endorsement, what it means to have a soul bond to someone, how fate is something SJM uses regarding mates and what it means to avoid something inevitable, etc).

But I do think said massive overlap is worth examining and does require critical thought. There's nothing wrong with liking Elain in the first place. I do, too. But I think the reasons why people like Elain and how those certain things can be weaponized against other people are uniquely conservative-coded when it comes to Elriels and their interpretation. Recognizing these overlaps isn't about policing who likes what but about being aware of how broader societal values influence our consumption and interpretation of fiction. E/riels will be the first to point out the "misogyny" in Elucien and that "fiction affects reality" (a statement that can and often times is true, but is irresponsible to use in a blanket statement without examining the subject in nuance), but they ignore the other side of this coin that reality also affects fiction.

[saturnine-saturneight]

Writerly Questionnaire

@davycoquette posted this up and it looks fun :)

About You

When did you start writing?

I started writing poetry somewhere in my early teens, then expanded to short snippets when my school had a creative writing workshop as part of a week long retreat. I did some minor roleplaying on the [Country redacted] version of Facebook, then started roleplaying on a fandom specific forum at 17... Started running with a group on Discord and Tumblr and learned how to write well with a dictionary always open in another tab. It's how I learned the majority of both my conversational and my writing English!

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

There are themes I really don't like to watch or read, but love to write, for example medical horror and body horror. I get squicked out when I'm not in control of those. I also adore detective fiction, especially Poirot, but don't have an interest in putting together a murder mystery myself.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

I think the way I write is very conversational and very stream of consciousness. I'm a child of the internet, and you could make an easy comparison to other people writing indie online, but I'm not sure the comparison is as easy when you're looking at bigger, traditionally published authors. I think about the way I write in comparison to the Realism art movement sometimes. I want to emulate how people really talk, and I want to get deep into the nitty gritty of a psyche.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

Laying down ✌️

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Daydreaming! Dozing, napping, taking a walk, doing the dishes; anything that lets my mind wander.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Not really. See above, child of the internet, but I'm also not sure I can capture what my country is really like. I never feel all that informed or all that "with it" here.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Come back with a warrant, lmfao.

Your Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

This is hard for me to decide because I really do love most of my characters equally when I just spend enough time with them. Of course it's Ron right now, I'm writing his story and he's living in a bigger corner of my brain than usual. I never really figured out what he had to say until pretty recently, he's always been a very taciturn narrator and loathe to talk about his feelings in dialogue. Throwing him into a fully moving plot and inflicting The Horrors on him really makes him react, and it's endearing him to me a lot.

Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

Matcha! She's goofy and sweet and she has a lot of things to talk about. We'd just need to set boundaries early because I'm not a fan of being flirted with. I also think I could get along with most of the rest, at least on friendly terms.

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

Nat is an amalgamation of the worst traits and tendencies that I see in other people and myself. They're also a bully, which is something that personally makes me see red. They can go be a sympathetic villain somewhere else.

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

So the very first one of the bunch was Teo. He was originally a pirate, and I made him to be weird and angsty and complex, but also kind of a liar who'd just boast about things unfounded. I thought this was easy to figure out, but I started noticing people taking him at his word, so I made Haru to call him out on his shit. These two were good foils, but didn't talk that much, so I made Rabbit who can never shut up to deliver some exposition.

When I make a character, they fill a niche in a dynamic, and/or have behaviors and beliefs that I want to write about. The rest is vibes.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

I try to make them pretty diverse from each other, but there's always a general sense of overcoming and survival that I think is fascinating and write a lot about.

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)

I don't have 20/20 vision in my imagination, things are pretty fuzzy. Real people, but stylized, I think.

Your Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

To create a space where I can really dig into the things I like and the things that are on my mind. I'm also pretty competitive towards myself. I always want to be better at something than I have been so far.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I love comments that really pinpoint which moments or beats a reader enjoyed...

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

Just some guy, please.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Character depth and dialogue.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

Dialogue also, and a certain sense of... chaos? Urgency? My longer form stuff has been described as 'one long rollercoaster'.

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

Eh. I'm happy when it turns out well.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Oh that's a mean question. I do have a little bit of a "what's going to be my legacy" thing going on. Yeah, I think I would still write, though. I really do it for the fun of it as well. It's just a lot less fun when I can't bounce it off other people and see what it turns into where it meets their lives and their experiences.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence

On a line by line basis, I have an issue of trying to write to a worst faith reader that I'm trying to work through, but the larger picture is completely just what I enjoy and not written to a specific genre, reader, or market.

I am tagging @marlowethelibrarian @fortunatetragedy @paeliae-occasionally @lychhiker-writes @rotting-moon-writes and YOU 🫵

[fromfiction]

(excuse the slight lengthiness of this ask pls 😭)

um hello! i’ve seen you answering questions on this blog, so i hope you can answer this one! /nf

i’m entirely new to the term and idea of “fictionkin” but ever since i found out about what fickin was and what it meant, i figured it might be me but i couldn’t be 100% sure because of a smaller thing.

for a bit more context which i feel may be important: i pretty much spent all my life mentally viewing myself as literally animated, as animated medias have always been a special interest since i was little (i’m now diagnosed w/ autism which is why i used that term btw). though i never truly viewed myself as any canon character, i always viewed myself as my self insert sonas growing up, my finest examples of this through the years would be self insert sonas of mlp and eddsworld. nowadays, as my main special interest is my own work (as a writer and artist) i mentally view myself as my persona, i always have during these current years and i believe i always will, to the point where i don’t even associate myself with my body or face physically bc i’ve always viewed myself as some sort of fictional version of myself and in my mind that’s how i look to myself. to put this in terms of an example, i once told someone that my physical body is like a car because i like to decorate it and make it look nice and i use it to get around in this world, but my persona is the driver because in my mind, that’s who i am and i’m simply using this “car” to get around (remember this is an example i don’t literally think my body is a car lmao)

but yea, the reason i’m very confused is because i always see fictionkins identifying as canonical characters from a media, or ig even self inserts as i’ve heard somewhere (correct me if i’m wrong) but i never hear about people identifying as their OWN characters if this makes sense. in my mind, a fictional character is a fictional character, which would include my persona that is very much fictional in every way (atp my persona is a developed character with fictional lore, other worldly traits (like magic), and is always a part of little scenarios or short stories i make up for comfort or outta boredom, just happens to resemble me irl in most ways but is basically how i view myself mentally down from personality to clothes that i really connect with but don’t really wear irl)

but anyway yes, i’ve tried and tried to research for anything that might be similar to my case but i don’t really find much at all.

i hope this ask was okay to send, ik it might be lengthy ik you weren’t asking for my “life story” it’s just that i’ve always wondered what was wrong with me in terms of this topic and why i viewed myself as being a fictional character, and now that i feel closer to a possible answer it’s very relieving but still confusing since i don’t know if the label really fits what i go through. i can’t help but wonder if it’s also maladaptive daydreaming or multiple things/something else but i prob can’t expect much advice or help w that on this blog which is perfectly okay lmao

again, if you read this or even answer this, thank you i’ve really needed to ask this desperate question to someone who seems to know a lot about this subject for possible help so i came here bc i saw that this blog was active for the most part! i’m also sorry if i asked things that weren’t okay to ask or have said/assumed things that weren’t okay either, again i’m very new to fictionkin as a whole.

have a great day and thank you <3

Hey friend. No worry about asking!

It sounds like you're asking if you can be fictionkin of an "original character".

The answer is absolutely. There are plenty of people who are kin of their own ocs, you just don't usually see them talking about it, mostly because their posts don't end up in fandom tags.

[xxxjasontoddxxx]

I don't know if some people understand how alienating/lonely it can be to have autism.

That's not to say I'm not grateful for my online community and friends, but it's incredibly different from having friends irl you can hang out with and get real human social interaction with.

The rest of the post is under the cut because it's quite a long vent post. It's... A lot. Sorry in advance if you decide to read on.

Autistic children, statistically speaking, have a more difficult time forming and maintaining relationships with their peers, which often carries into adulthood. This is a statistic that does, unfortunately, apply to me. I have always been the "weird kid," have always been singled out or excluded, even by many adults in my life, because I exhibited traits they saw as "undesirable."

As a child, I went from being loud, curious, friendly, talkative, and outgoing to being withdrawn, "shy," anxious, and quiet within the span of just a few years during elementary/primary school. This was a direct result of other children's and even adults' reactions towards me. I got called annoying/obnoxious, weird, and "too much" by other kids and by teachers. The adults in my life, who were supposed to guide me, absolutely failed me. So I became quiet and reserved, and mostly kept to myself.

Because I became so quiet and withdrawn, all of my signs and symptoms went overlooked. I didn't even consider the fact that I could be autistic until I was 18 and off at college for the first time, during a global pandemic nonetheless. I checked all of the boxes, from childhood through adulthood: social difficulties/hard time understanding social cues or adhering to social norms, sensory sensitivity, heavily masking my emotions and actions to better "fit in" with people, obsessive interests, stimming, trouble with emotional regulation, meltdowns (which were almost always written off as "temper tantrums"), insomnia, difficulty with eye contact, executive dysfunction, and the list goes on and on and on.

Point being, the autism was completely overlooked because I was quiet and a good student. I behaved in class, I wasn't loud or annoying anymore, so no one paid me any mind. I was now "a joy to have in class." (If you know, you know.)

Another side effect of being rejected by my peers was learning to mask and hide the "real" me in favor of a more palatable version of myself, one who other kids would want to be friends with. And it worked, for years and years, until I stopped masking. I made friends as a kid, and we hung out and played, but any time I got comfortable with them and thought I could be myself a little more, my interests were deemed too weird/strange/boring for them, and I went back to hiding. One thing that always bothered me was that my interests were either too childish or too grown up, no matter what group I was in. I understood and was discussing politics by age 10, but who would talk to a 10 year old about the state of the nation? Certainly not other 10 year olds. Certainly not adults. A lot of my interests were like this, especially in terms of fiction. After all, who wants to discuss Shakespeare and Mary Shelley with the weird little kid who stares too much?

I spent—and still spend—a lot of time daydreaming. I would create vast, fantastical worlds, which I would often use to "escape" from reality. When I started consuming fiction, these worlds in my mind became fictional settings, and my adventures turned into adventures not for myself, but for the characters already part of the works of fiction.

By the time I hit middle school, it started to become popular to be in "fandoms," something I was actively taking part in for years already. But these fandoms were a place I could finally access online when I got my first smartphone. They were a place I could exist without judgement for my interests, where I wasn't "weird," I was a "fan(girl/boy)," where you could be a "superwholockian/hunter/fannibal," etc. I could be me.

And yeah, Tumblr.com was absolutely beautiful back in the day. It was fun and special, and it was mine. I had a community, a place where I could finally, finally be myself.

But... I was still lonely. I still felt this huge, aching, empty hole in my chest, no matter how many friends I made online. My real life friends (and I use this term loosely) were still ignoring me when I spoke to them, rolling their eyes at me, calling me annoying and weird when I tried to show them something I found interesting, only to turn around and show me the exact thing I had been trying to show them two weeks later.

And I couldn't help but think, is this how you're supposed to treat friends? Is this what people my age are supposed to do? All of the adults seemed to think so. So, it kept happening, and nothing changed.

And then, I met another "weird" kid. A girl my age who stared for too long, who jumped around when she was excited, who didn't like being touched but still wanted to hold my hand in the hallway, who liked the things I liked. We connected instantly, and it was like I'd met my other half. We spent more time hanging out at the park and talking about our cool new finds on Tumblr than we did in our own homes. I went from quiet and withdrawn to the bubbly, excited kid that I used to be, and she loved me for it. She loved how I talked for hours about something she wasn't particularly interested in, but would listen anyway because I was passionate about it. And I did the same for her. It felt like everything finally clicked.

That girl moved away during the summer and got a new phone number. But she changed how I thought about friendships, and it made me resentful and bitter towards the people I called friends for the way they treated me. I stopped talking to my friends, and I moved on and made new friends in high school, who... Ended up treating me the same way as the ones from junior high.

So I was back to thinking... Is this all there is? People who call me their friend, but don't actually care to include me or listen to what I have to say? Was that girl I met a fluke? Are there no more people like her? Like me?

And that vicious cycle of meeting new friends irl, thinking we click, and eventually getting ignored, excluded, and moving on, has continued even after high school, into my adulthood. All of my meaningful (in person/irl) friendships have crashed and burned in some way or another, or have simply faded out. And the fading out hurts more than anything. To watch someone you think of as a friend, maybe even your best friend, because they're your only friend, slowly stop hanging out with you, watching them meet new people and cancel plans with you to hang out with them, having them slowly stop responding to your texts, until you get to "we should hang out soon!" "yeah, definitely!" or radio silence.

After a while, it makes you wonder if there's something really, fundamentally wrong with you. Why else would everyone always leave? Why else would keeping friends be so hard? It makes you fear meeting online friends in person, because the very essence of you taints the relationships you form.

This is a pain I have never recovered from. I'm not sure if I ever will. My emotional and social development have been stunted by my experiences with my peers and their lack of compassion for me. To this day, I only have one (1!!!) friend I know offline, and she moved to Ireland at the end of December. So in reality, I have... No friends.

And I love my online friends—of course I love you—but it's different from being able to go to someone's house when you need comfort, or when you just want to exist with another person.

I don't have that anymore. And it hurts.

[tigersharktheautisticseawing]

YESSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE BEING TAGGED!!!!!!

Who was your first fictional crush?:

Aroace and never had a crush, like, ever. My version of fictional crushes is wanting the characters/ships to be my parents and adopt me because I got family issues lmao wait there was that one time I shipped myself with the evil dragon in eragon for no fucking reason at all at age 9

What’s the first colour you think of when I tell you to think of a colour?:

Purple

Which fanfiction emotionally scarred you and still makes you shudder to this day?:

none really? tho I did hit a near miss when I started reading "dipper goes to taco bell", only to nope out at the *cough cough* bodily fluids *cough cough*. so yeah I'v ebeen a lucky fuck so far

I’m coming to your house for dinner, non-negotiable, what are you making me?:

French fries, my hyperfixation comfort food and the only thing I can actually make lmfao

Do you prefer lions or kangaroos?:

Lions!!!! Big kitty cats!!!!! Pets!!!!

Which fictional villain do you brush past the glaringly obvious issues for because you really like them?:

Take a fucking guess (hint: he's everywhere and sees all)

What would accompany your picture in the Burn Book in Mean Girls?:

Never watched that sry

How many days would you last in the universe of your favourite fandom?:

For now Gravity Falls, and I think I would last a while actually. I'm pretty good at jumping, running for short distanced, poking my snout into places they shouldn't be and tearing shit up, and I think I would get along with everyone at least a little. At least I hope so lmao

Have you heard of Mischief Theatre?:

nope

Do you feel sorry for Medusa?:

With the rape version, fuck yea, she deserved better. with whatever consentual stuff in peoples temples, fuck no

Which song makes you think of your OTP?:

Whatever song I just found and am spinning around in my head currently

Which song makes you disassociate and daydream the fastest?:

^^^^

tagging @localcanadiancreature62 cuz u cool :>

My own get to know you game:

Who was your first fictional crush?:

What’s the first colour you think of when I tell you to think of a colour?:

Which fanfiction emotionally scarred you and still makes you shudder to this day?:

I’m coming to your house for dinner, non-negotiable, what are you making me?:

Do you prefer lions or kangaroos?:

Which fictional villain do you brush past the glaringly obvious issues for because you really like them?:

What would accompany your picture in the Burn Book in Mean Girls?:

How many days would you last in the universe of your favourite fandom?:

Have you heard of Mischief Theatre?:

Do you feel sorry for Medusa?:

Which song makes you think of your OTP?:

Which song makes you disassociate and daydream the fastest?:

Tags: @weltato, @snarky-wallflower, @feathertru, @barclaysangel, @fanficwriter284, @silvershewolf247, @shadowbrightshine, @luxury-nightmare and anyone else who wants to have a go, feel free!

[divinefireangel]

The Way You Love

SF9 Youngbin x F! Reader Imagine.

He's so precious I WANNA PROTEC

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. If this piece of fan fiction is offensive to any celebrity, fandom or culture please let me know so I can take it down. Also note that this is my version of a character or celeb, which will vary from person to person.

Author's Note: Got the idea at literally 3am. And I cried a lil while writing this. I do recommend reading this when you have a bad day. Because I have to say it is cute.

Copyright: Please note that this is my work and if you want to publish this on any other platform, take my permission before doing so. Taking an author's work and posting it somewhere else without any intimation is just disrespectful. I readily welcome suggestions and criticisms. That being said, Happy reading! 🤍

Warnings: All ages and written with she/her pronouns but everyone can read it. (nothing specified with respect to anatomy, appearance, etc of reader). Nothing really. Just pure fluff. Slowburn and crappy ending because I went blank 😂💀

Summary/Pre-Requisite: Youngbin and Y/N are in a well established relationship. But it isn't enough.

1.6k words

Youngbin smiled at the small box in his hand. He can't believe he is actually going to do this. How can something as little as this be the source of so much joy, he didn't know. Maybe it was her. Or the fact that it was for her, from him. An eternal promise to love her till his last day, last hour, last minute and final breath. Well there is still much time to worry about that now though.

Loving Y/N is definitely the best decision he took without having to take it. Loving her, was as easy as breathing the fresh morning air. Listening to her talk was his favourite sound in the entire universe. Watching her dance goofily is his ideal view, other than when she's paying attention to something. Her face looks so cute when she's concentrating, he almost feels like he can cry over her adorableness.

Watching her from across the room, her movements, the way she smiles and makes everyone around her laugh with her silly jokes only adds to one of the many reasons why he loves her. She is the brightest light in his life, illuminating his existence with unfiltered joy and eternal love and affection.

He loves it when she snuggles up to him, wrapping her small arms around his torso and asks him what he's doing with her honey sweet voice, never fails to make his heart melt and burst with adoration. He loves it when she sleepily moves closer to him, like a pair of magnets, because she feels cold and knows that she can always rely on him to keep her warm.

He loves it when she bonds with his members and treat them and scold them like they are her children. Although he loves it more when she becomes a source of reassurance not only to him but also to his little brothers. He loves it when she helps them with anything, no matter how small the help may be. Since he is treated like the Dad of the group, Y/N automatically became the Mom and he couldn't wish for someone more perfect then her for that role.

He loves her understanding nature, her positive spirit, her overly motivating presence, her genuine compliments and concern. He loves the way she looks at him, like he's the only man in a room full of people. Her eyes reflecting the same twinkles of his eyes, with just as much love when he looks at her.

He loves when she slightly shuts her eyes when he moves her hair out of her face. He loves it when her small frame hugs him so tight he can barely stand still. He loves it when she plays with his hair when he takes a nap on her chest. He loves how her hand fits into his perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle.

If there was one thing he could do again, it would be to go back in time and fall in love with her all over again for the first time. Everyday, she gives him something new to love about her. Whether it be her shy smile, her blushy flustered face or the way she gets excited when she sees something cute, the way she coos his puppy to sleep, the way she always makes him feel better on a bad day and so many more things that may seem insignificant to her, but are never to him, makes him fall for her harder and deeper in love than he ever thought possible.

"Hyung! HYUNG!!! "

Snapping back to reality, Youngbin sees a wide eyes Chani looking at him with a questioning expression.

"What? "

"Were you daydreaming about Noona again? Why are you so distracted today? "

"It's nothing Chani-ya. She just makes me happy. That's all. Did you tell the camera crew that I need them this evening? "

"Yes I did Hyung. That's what I was telling you as you were zoned out. I don't even want to imagine what it's going to be like when you get married. We probably won't get anything done at all since you will be distracted all the time. " Chani said in a factual manner.

"Okay that's a bit excessive. And you haven't found someone whom you love as much right now. You will understand better when you do. Till then I can't really explain this." The older said smiling lighty as she took over his thoughts again. Rolling his eyes, Chani patted his leader and left wordlessly.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

"This is nice. The air isn't as humid as I thought it would be. " Y/N said as she walked next to her lover, fingers intertwined, arms swaying back and forth as they moved forward. Stopping still he twirled her around till she faced the railing covering the boundary of the lake. Giggling she wrapped his arms around her so he could hug her, keep her warm, even though she wasn't as cold yet.

Resting his chin on her head, he sighed heavily, feeling content with his beloved in his embrace. Oh how he could stay like this forever and never leave. Hmm. She's right. The air is just perfect. Like her. And it is definitely the perfect weather, to take the next step most relationships do.

Looking up at the sky, the stars shine bright, twinkling and shimmering beautifully. Taking this as a positive sign from the universe, Youngbin hugged Y/N tighter, knowing that it's now or,well later but now is nice. Turning her head to her lover, Y/N stands on her tippy toes to kiss him.

Breathing out the two lovebirds stared up at the star filled night sky. The soft wind getting stronger with time, but not too strong to have any effect yet. Just a light breeze that can be felt. Like the love that's surrounding them, keeping them warm from the exterior and from within.

"Oh! Did you see that! That star is shining the brightest." Youngbin said pointing at a distant star.

" Which one? " Y/N stepped forward by one step, trying to see the star he pointed out.

" That one? " She asked again, this time she was the one pointing.

" No. The one standing in front of me right now. "

Drawing her hand back to her body, her heart thumping strongly in her chest. Now, what had happened when they hugged is that Y/N had felt a small poke on the side of her thigh, where Youngbin's jacket was over on her. So being the smart young lady she is, Y/N knew. She knew what was happening. And it wasn't just feeling the poke, she's been feeling like this for some days now. And she knows that he has too.

Slowly turning around, Y/N was faced with her lover, who was down on one knee, holding a small box with the cutest ring she had ever seen. To say that Y/N.exe had stopped working was an understatement. She stood there, as though she was frozen. Looking up at her, Youngbin breathed heavily and started.

" When I met you for the first time, I never thought that you will love someone like me. So I was happy to settle being just your friend. But we both started liking each other at the same time. I asked you out and you agreed to date me. I never thought that you would actually date me for a long time because I've, well I was thinking that you deserve better. But you told me and made me belive different. And I am really really grateful that you did. And as time progressed, we both grew to love each other so much. You know all of this already, but saying this out loud, makes me sure that I want more. You, have helped me grow into a better person, over the time that we have dated. You, motivate me and drive me to do better, because even if no one did, you knew my limit and my capabilities. You, make me the happiest I've ever been. So will you please make me a little bit more happier by becoming my fiancee and the happiest, in the near future, when you become my wife? Will you marry me? "

Y/N stares at him, while breathing through her mouth. The only sound that's heard is the soft wind.

" Yes. "

Y/N gets down on her knees, in front of her lover, sweet tears of shock and joy streaming down her face.

" Yes. I will marry you Kim Youngbin. "

" Hyung!!! Congratulations!!!!!! "

Breaking his face into a grin, Youngbin removes the lovely and intricately detailed ring and puts it on Y/N's finger delicately. Kissing her left knuckle, Youngbin realises he is crying as well. Sobbing out loud Y/N throws her arms around him, making him tumble backwards a little. Laughing a little, Youngbin slowly wraps his arms around her, caressing the back of her head as he looked up at the sky, trying to stop the tears from falling down his cheek.

Hugging each other tight for what seemed like forever, they move away from each other's embrace upon hearing clapping sounds and cheers from the young men and their team who have now approached them.

Standing up Y/N couldn't help but hide her face in her lover's chest. Kissing her forehead, Youngbin thanked everyone.

" Let's all celebrate! Dinner is on us. " Youngbin stated looking you. Smiling you nodded you head in agreement as everyone around you cheered and wiped their tears away.

It all felt like a dream. But it wasn't. It was reality. A reality that she was so thankful to have. Smiling till their cheeks hurt, Youngbin and Y/N not couldn't wait till they were married and called as Husband and Wife.

[gallavictorious]

Once again the fandom coming together to daydream about Mickey helping Ian out and seeing him back on track to become an emt again but why is that on Mickey? Why does he always have to do things to make Ian happy when Ian's usually nothing but annoyed by Mickey and does nothing to make Mickey happy? Truly shows which character y'all care about more.

This got absurdly long, because I am who I am and did take the opportunity to go off on a tangent about valid conclusions and what not, so I put it under a cut. Read at your own risk! Oh, and I also do address the actual question about whether or not Ian's career is on Mickey, and whether or not Ian never does anything to make Mickey happy. ;)

For the sake of clarity, I got this ask in response to this post.

And I gotta say, nonnie, getting this ask perplexed me to the point of running off to Trusted Fandom Friends, demanding to know how my undying love and loyalty for Mickey could ever be doubted. Had to laugh at myself a little, actually, and the strenght of my befuddlement. It reminded me of the time I went on a trip with people from the 501st (cosplayers dedicated to the bad guys in Star Wars) and Rebel Legion (cosplayers dedicated to the good guys in Star Wars) and a lot of people assumed I was a Rebel sympathizer simply because I had friends in that group and those were the people who had invited me. Excuse me, I didn't yell, I have like 30 Darth Vaders in my damned home, how dare you question my allegiance? I was so used to always being known as a diehard Vaderkin fangirl that the mer fact of strangers failing to recognize me as such genuinely fucked a little with my sense of identity. My love of Mickey isn't anywhere near as deeply ingrained into my sense of self, since he's only been an occasional presence in my life since 2016 while Darth Vader's been my main man since 1994, but it was still a little jarring to suddenly find myself (mis)identified as an Ian stan.

Being a fangirl is strange.

And I want to make it clear that I do love Ian. He's a fascinating character and, to me, he's a character that's often much harder to understand than Mickey. He rewards careful analysis and discussion, though, so I guess I tend to talk a lot about him? I don't need to spend as much time considering Mickey's feelings and motivations because they are (almost) always pretty obvious; I don't need to tease them out. But at the end of the day, Mickey is my favourite. (Though I'll always love Ian and Mickey together more than I love either of them on their own. It's like fresh cilantro and mint – each perfectly lovely in their own right, but the combination of them creates a flavour that's just out of this world.)

Now, you might argue that you don't follow me and so have no idea who I am and what I like to post about, and that going only by that single post (which, in fairness, was tagged with 'i just want ian to be happy okay?') I give off the general impression of an Ian stan. And that's fair enough; I'm an obscure blog in a decently big fandom and you're not required to keep track of anyone. However, if you want to throw around passive aggressive accusations of caring more about one character than the other, I will ask you to do your research first. Reacting to one single piece of data without considering the context is a common but highly unfortunate practice that needlessly complicates meaningful conversations, and we'd all do well to abstain from it.

Oh, you don't want to spend a lot of time and energy on consdering every single thing a specific Tumblr blog has ever said on a specific topic just so you can draw a valid conclusion about their stance? That's perfectly understandable, nonnie, and easily sorted: refrain from making unsubstantiated claims about what other people think or don't think and you won't have to. Ask them, if you wonder. If you see a tendency in fandom to put the responsibility for Ian's wellbeing and career or Mickey's shoulders and want to discuss that, that's totally cool! I am game (and will address that question below)! But it's very possible to do that without somewhat rudely ascribing perferences and opinions to other people, and you'll get better answers for it (for instance, you won't have to wade through me rambling on about valid conclusions and my memories from other fandoms... ).

It seems to me, though, that this touches upon a long-held frustration of yours. If I interpret your ask correctly, you think the show gives us an Ian who is mostly annoyed with Mickey and doesn't do anything to make him happy, and you think that the fandom responds to this by relegating Mickey to the role of Ian's caretaker, whose sole purpose is to serve Ian's needs without any regard for what might Mickey himself happy. Have I got that right?

If so, it should be noted that I don't agree with either of these takes: I don't think that's the Ian the show gives us (a point I will return to below), and I don't think that fandom at large only cares about Ian's happiness, and I particularly don't think that my post can be used a evidence of the latter.

For instance, when you sent me this ask the post in question had all of 40 notes. As I write this, it has just over 70. ”The fandom coming together” seems to be slightly overstating the case, don't you think? There are certainly fans who care more about Ian and only see Mickey as valuable as long as he contributes to Ian's happiness, just as there are fans who care more about Mickey and only see Ian as valuable as long as he contributes to Mickey's happiness - but this single post with less than a hundred notes does not support that either of these stances would be predominant within the fandom. (And, while on the topic, I'd like to state that I don't actually see a problem with either of those stances; these are fictional characters that exists for our entertainment and we don't have any moral obligations to treat them equally and fairly. Don't ruin other fans' fun by dumping on either of them in the character or shipping tags or on character and shipping posts and this is not a problem. It might be a somewhat unpopular opinion, but I don't think you have to love or even like all characters in a ship to ship it: I refuse to drink plain tea because it's nasty but put a splash of milk in it and its my favourite thing ever. You can love a combination without loving all the seperate pieces on their own. And yeah, I do revert to food metaphors a lot. I like food.)

Secondly, whether or not the post can be said to represent the feeling of the fandom at large (it cannot), I think that reading a post specifically about ”Mickey helping Ian out and seeing him back on track to become an emt again” and then extrapolating from that that Mickey ”always have to do things to make Ian happy” is a little wild. The very first thing I wrote for this fandom was a vision of Ian offering Mickey comfort, goddammit. (Ian giving Mickey a hug is so high on my list of desires, you can't even imagine)

As for your actual question (and, ah, imagine how much shorter this post would be if you had just left it at that) – of course that's not on Mickey. That much, incidentally, I've actually explicitly stated in another post. Ian might have his issues but he's still an adult and responsible for himself. That being said, I don't see it as particularly strange that someone would go out of their way to help their partner when they see them struggling? If I realize that someone I care about is unhappy and there's a way for me to help, I would want to help because I love them and want them to be happy, even if it's – ethically speaking – not my responsibility to do so. Pretty sure Mickey, who is action-oriented and so very protective of the people he loves, feels the same way.

Of course, if it's a one-sided thing – if one partner is always the one to do stuff for the other and never receives any support in return – that's not a healthy relationship, and I assume that this is what you're seeing in the show and taking exception to?

Only... I can't help but wonder who this Ian is, this uncaring, selfish version you see – because I don't quite get how it can be the Ian who emptied his bank account for Mickey, or the Ian who was ready to throw his parole and stay in prison for Mickey even when they were in the middle of a fight specifically because Mickey said it would make him happy, or the one who kept trying to talk to Mickey and win him back after Mickey punched him in the face, accidentally broke his leg, and took off with a new lover (I'm not taking sides in this one, btw – I have a lot of sympathy and understanding for both of them and their actions throughout this whole sorry affair), or the Ian who immediately wanted to marry Mickey protect him from the consequences of a murder Ian thought he had actually comitted, or the Ian who went along with arranging a real wedding even though he initially didn't at all understand why this was important to Mickey and who had someone come serenade him once he did, or the Ian who chose At last for Mickey to walk up to the aisle to, or the Ian who keeps trying to reach out to Mickey and to touch him and discuss their issues in a mature way even when he's (justifiably) upset about Mickey using all their wedding money without telling Ian. (Though Ian deciding for both of them that they're saving the money isn't great either.)

I mean, Ian's absolutely done shitty things, as has Mickey. They're human, and they're the products of a chaotic and often hostile enviroment. They do mess up a lot; they've hurt each other rather badly over the years. Depending on your perspective and preferences, you may think one or the other have behaved worse, but as far as I can see, the claim that Ian never does anything to make Mickey happy is simply not supported.

Ian has seemed unusually annoyed with Mickey this season, I'll give you that, but while that's not always the most fun thing to watch and I strongly sympathize with the wish to just see Ian look at Mickey with that fond look again, I don't find him being frustrated right now all that weird, given the circumstances. I'd argue it has less to do with Mickey and more to do with a general frustration over thwarted ambitions and not being able to hold on even to a really shitty job, though Mickey's attitude doesn’t exactly help (which is not to say that I think that Ian's the one in the right here, becasue Ian's way of handling things hasn't always been been stellar either). However, I do have faith in them sorting this out – because even though they fight and bicker and get annoyed with each other, there's never any indication that they're not both committed to making this marriage thing work. They certainly stumble, they misunderstand each other and lash out, but they calm down and go to sleep in the same bed and compromise and keep trying. Every day, they – both of them – choose each other.

I'd like to finish this off by noting, even though it's not entirely relevant to my argument, that that the number one thing that does make Mickey happy is being together with Ian, and even when Ian is pissed at Mickey and withholding sex (which was very ill-advised but says a lot of interesting things about his character, I think!) no one's sleeping on the couch, there are no nights away from the house and each other, and even in the middle of an argument they sit and stand next to each other. I think that's pretty telling of Ian's dedication, especially given his propensity for running away from his problems.

Phew. Okay, nonnie – though we don't agree and I doubt you'll find this answer satisfactory, I hope you see that I have done my best to understand your point of view and treat your arguments fairly and give you a thoughtful response. If you'd like to get back to me and elaborate on your stance, I'd ask that you show me the same courtesy. :)

[serendipitous-magic]

You might've talked about this already, but any tips for writer's block???

(Disclaimer: many of these are paraphrased from writing advice I've seen and liked myself, but can't for the life of me remember where I saw it or who said it.)

1) For existing stories: have a plan. Even if you’re someone who doesn’t like planning stories, have the most basic of skeleton plans. You don’t have to come up with the whole plan at once, and you don’t have to plan every little detail. But when you think of a plot point or scene or detail or whatever that you want to use later in the story, jot it down. Don’t count on yourself to remember it. You won’t.

And if you’re a person that hates planning stories, don’t think of it as a plan. Just think of it as saving the ideas you want to use later.

-_-

2) Write down your daydreams.

No, seriously. One of my biggest challenges in writing is that when I’m trying too hard, nothing happens. My best ideas happen when my brain is just playing, not even writing, just like... Going off on intangible adventures while I wash the dishes and listen to music. I’ll surface from some complicated daydream about a band of cowboys staging a horseback rescue mission for a friend being held prisoner on a moving locomotive, ending with the horse leaping over a narrow canyon Spirit style, and suddenly I’m like “wait, shit, this is good.” This applies for individual scenes, but also plot - the same thing often happens (to me at least) for larger plot points. I’ll be happily daydreaming a scene and suddenly one of the characters tearfully says, “I expected this from the others. I did. But from you? My own brother?” And I’m like WHOA WAIT, THEY’RE SIBLINGS? PLOT TWIST! And like... sometimes that shit makes it into the actual story I’m writing (or I write it down and save it for a future story) and becomes a major part of the plot, lol.

Point being, the things you come up with when you’re not even trying - when you’re just having fun, fucking around in the fandom or in whatever various universes you’ve created in your brain (anyone else? No? Just me?) - those effortless ideas are often some of the best ones. Because of how human brains work, it can be really, really hard to force yourself to make something good.

So if you’re just happily daydreaming, and you find yourself thinking, “Damn, this is actually pretty good,” write it down. You might be able to use it later.

-_-

3) If you’re in the middle of a story / scene and you get hit with writers’ block, or you find yourself rewriting the same sentence or paragraph or page over and over, or simply feel unable to continue forward - your problem is not that sentence / paragraph / page, it’s several sentences / paragraphs / pages back.

For example: if you can’t seem to figure out what a character should say next, first try the usual thing and plan ahead. Where does this conversation need to go? What needs to be revealed? What emotional beats need to occur? What information needs to pass from character to character? Does it need to continue? Maybe you just need to cut the scene or have the next plot point happen there.

But if none of that (the “usual stuff”) is working, don’t look ahead, look back. Your problem is probably actually a few lines ago. The conversation meandered too far from what it was supposed to be, or the conversation could have been three lines and it just kept going on for two pages after the plot point ended, or you’re not sure what the emotional beats of the scene are supposed to be so you’re floundering.

When trying to move forward isn’t working, look back instead. Mid-story writers’ block is often a sign that something went awry a little while ago, and you’re seeing the symptoms now. The stubborn paragraph is the check-engine light, not the engine itself. Go back and read over the last page (or more, depending on how big the issue is) and see if you can feel out what the issue is. Did the plot point end two or three pages ago and you just never stopped the scene? Are you relying too much on action and dialogue but forgot to describe the scene as it goes on, so it’s all happening in kind of a vague gray void? Did you get into a rut of repetitive sentence structure because you lost the flow a while ago, and now you’re just cranking out words mechanically?

-_-

4) Don’t be afraid to write “stupid version:” at the top of the page and just go for it, in the most cheesy, over-the-top, bad, obvious, flat, boring, illogical, improbable, unbelievable way. Or whatever way ends up coming out of you. You can go back and fix it once you’ve found the ideas you want to hold onto. Remember, “the first draft (whether that’s for the entire story, or just a draft of a single scene, or a single page, or a single paragraph) is for making it exist. The second draft is for making it functional. The third draft is for making it effective.” (I’m paraphrasing and I don’t remember where that quote came from, I’m sorry.)

-_-

5) If you’re having writers’ block on in coming up with new ideas, here are some things that work for me:

-Write down your daydreams (see above)

-Listen to music. Soundtracks and video game music are great because they’re designed to support a narrative, and to almost tell a story of their own. But, like, any music. I often end up making little “trailers” in my head when I listen to songs I’m currently taken with, and sometimes I’m like “Hey those could be some good elements for an actual story.”

-Look back at old notes for story ideas, if you keep any

-Or, look through any medium you use to save ideas - playlists, pinterest boards, art, whatever.

-Consume other content. I know that’s old advice that literally everyone gives, but hey, it works. You’re great and your brain is great, but you are not a closed ecosystem. You can’t just keep creating, growing, thriving all on your own without taking in and integrating other people’s ideas. Read something. Watch something. Read fanfic, see what the fandom’s up to. Reintroduce yourself to an old favorite with new eyes, or seek out something you’ve never seen before. Watch one of those old classic black and white movies that you never got around to watching. Read a book in a genre you don’t usually read. Find a terrible, I mean truly awful show and watch it with someone you can laugh with. Look at art. Ask the people in your life about their passions and their weird little cornerstones of knowledge.

-Give yourself time. Let yourself percolate. Let yourself think.

-Write yourself into an idea. Open up that dreaded blank page, switch to red ink, and just start typing like “Okay so it’s a werewolf story I think but not one of those pulp romances with the Alpha Wolf or whatever shit, I think I like the idea that it’s about the pack dynamic, so like a family story? But maybe the main character is a human. Do they get adopted by the pack for some reason? Why? Maybe they like... saved one of the pups or something. How did the pup end up in danger?” Etc.

6) It’s hard to force your brain to be interested in something it’s not currently interested in. If you’ve been super into sci fi and are all about Star Wars and Firefly right now, but you’ve been meaning to write a gritty crime mystery for like ever... you’re probably gonna have a hard time writing a gritty crime fiction if all your brain wants to think about is spaceships. (Unless you set the gritty crime mystery in a sci-fi setting 👀)

Trying to control your muse is like trying to leash a cat. You’re probably gonna have way greater success (and way more fun) if you just write whatever the hell you wanna write, whether that’s a 300K spy drama or another fake dating AU for your OTP even though you’ve already written two. (I promise you, nobody’s ever gonna get tired of it.)

[sleepydane]

Tagged by @hetakiba Sorry i'm so late!!

Rules: List five things you never get tired of writing. it can be tropes, themes, characters, phrases, whatever brings you joy. then tag five people!

SO honestly i do more daydreaming 24/7 than ever actual writing but i can still at least answer this from that standpoint AND my beloved tropes i read lol

1. (i agree with your no. 1 so i'm stealing it lol) I lowkey miss the days when people would tag that very hyper specific sort of angsty fic as "RANDOCHARACTER!whump" bc i eat that stuff up every. single. time. put those people in situations and make sure it HURTS. I want my characters to be going through it and have that situation worsen while the other characters take awhile to catch on, increasing the absolute drama of it all. whump is my no. 1 babieee.

2. for legit writing i've done, i can kinda only really get myself to do comedy/crackfics bc there's no pressure for being lore accurate or having a real plan/timeline. basically just go wild with fandom tropes and what not!

3. for characters i think the ones I've never gotten tired of reading for years and years and years have been obi-wan kenobi and spiderman (don't @ me ik ik very basic answers here).

more recent characters I completely scour the tags for now though are utahime (jjk), macaque (monkie kid) and honestly i've been reading a lotta the older naruto fics that really flesh out sakura and kakashi into awesome characters (or really anyone BUT naruto and sasuke bc they're the lamest characters on that show frfr).

I had phases awhile back too though for lotr boromir, dbh connor, james bond, and if i REALLY reach back then ik i liked hetalia fics (tho honestly i dont know that i had a fav character in it that i read more than others?).

4. A trope i can't get enough of is easily time travel/ dimension jumping. i fucking love that stuff so damn much. a character being dropped somewhere completely unknown to them and having to bend that new place's reality into their own framework of how the world works (meanwhile the people in this new place are ALSO scrambling to fit this mystery person into a concept that they can understand). or even worse, a character being dropped into a past version of their world. It's familiar but also so completely different that it might as well be another dimension AND now they have an incredible burden to fix certain events, dodge people they know, and also get back to their own time.

I usually prefer a fic where the character is going back in time but i can sometimes be alright with the ones where it's a person's OC being dropped into whatever existing fictional world. it just depends on the writing really.

5. Another trope i like but walks a fine line would be the deaging trope. this one...is very hard to see pulled off well and also my eternal annoyance is that the tag includes fics where they're just doing age play which is fine of course but also very much not the same thing at all nor what i was looking for but eh what can ya do.

Ig it's just that scenario where a character (who almost always has had a shitty life) is now somehow a child and other characters are having to realize how much this character has been through and trying to give them a better childhood for however long it lasts. When it's done well, it's great but more often than not, the writing isn't there or it very quickly goes to a ...strange...place...so hm ya just depends really. An absolute amazing example of it done well (though differing a bit from what i've described as a good one lmao) is the fic "wee doctor" from many many yrs ago. It's maybe one of the best fics i've ever read but granted it's been years since i read it to so take that for what you will lol

thanks, Ki, that was really cool to answer!! Also honestly i don't know many writers either sooo i'll give free reign tag to anyone who wants to join in lol

Tagged by @marley-manson Thank you!! ☺️

Rules: List five things you never get tired of writing. it can be tropes, themes, characters, phrases, whatever brings you joy. then tag five people!

1. I'm gonna borrow yours because It's also mine: putting favorite characters through bad situations 😎 I'm a softy and kinda bad at writing bad endings so it usually gets better but. It's all about the suffering

2. Old timey/'victorian'/historical/medieval au's: most if not all of my favorite stories/characters are in present or future-ish eras so I enjoy seeing characters in very different situations/worlds

3. Not super crazy, but I also enjoy meeting in the same universe but early/late/under completely different circumstances and/or then continuing into a new canon storyline (now a little diffy). This also feeds into my enjoyment of coming up with different ways characters could get canon injuries in au's!!

4. You know I never think about it but I do actually have a fair amount of domestic/settled down content 🤣 a fair amount of them are also like. Weird niche/contrived difficulties they could face in a longterm relationship/domestic life but 🤣 guess it's not all angst 🙄

5. Establishing random friendships with side characters 😎 I'll admit, most of my writings do focus on romantic or romantic adjacent relationships, but I do usually also get sucked into incorporating other favorite characters which usually leads to possibly unlikely or very specific friendships 🤣

Thank you!! This was fun :3

I FORGOT TO TAG!! I'm not sure how many people I know write 😭 feel free to do this if you do, @sleepydane your the only one I know for sure 🙏 (if you want to!)

[kinetic-elaboration]

100 Days of Writing: Day Sixty-Three

I decided to catch up on The 100 Days of Writing and then I... accidentally wrote a large number of words. In my defense, this is like 2 weeks’ worth of questions. Also I skipped the ones I didn’t have anything to say about so actually this could be worse.

(I’m not even kidding, this is really long. I talk about writing rituals, tools for plotting, my thoughts on opening with dialogue and why I don’t like it, my favorite topics, the weather, and what length of fic I like to write.)

I’m tagging, and apologizing to, @the-wip-project and fellow participants @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold, @thelittlefanpire, @hopskipaway, @easilydistractedbyfanfic, @dylanobrienisbatman, and @fontainebleau22.

*

Day 49: How do you get yourself in the mood to write? Do you have a ritual?

Every time I tell myself I’m going to get back into doing these questions, I see this one in my bookmarks and go nope! and turn around. It’s not a hard question; I’ve just been having trouble consistently getting into the mood to write, so I feel like any answer I try to give to it will be, in some sense, a lie. Like do I ever get “in the mood” to write? Really?? Also, I feel like I’m relying too much on ‘ritual,’ building up ‘the perfect writing situation’ in my head, which at the end of the day is less important than just saying ‘I’m going to do this now’ and then doing it.

I do have some things I always do when I sit down to a writing session. I write on my couch. Almost always (unless I’m on an event deadline where I just have to write in bits and pieces whenever possible), I write in sprints—I use write or die to keep me actually typing and not staring into space. I write in order, and I often write a whole scene at a time. So before I start I need to have at least a couple solid opening sentences in mind, plus some kind of idea about what happens/needs to happen in the scene. In order to get in the right headspace, I usually spend some time just thinking before I actually get to writing. I reread my outline or notes, and skim whatever I might have already written on the project. Sometimes I look at images that help me get in the right mood. Sometimes I just imagine or daydream for a bit. The difficulty, especially recently, is in making sure I do this just enough and not too much, because then I get too caught up in my head and I can no longer translate what I’m seeing into words.

In a broader sense, I also have a building up to writing ritual—again, I think this is part of my problem, that I don’t know how to balance this build up with actual writing. In the hours/days before writing something, I turn it over in my head a lot. I practice different versions of those critical opening sentences. I play it out like a fantasy just to see if there’s a possible flow, even if the final version is different. Basically, I try to turn it into something that just needs to be written, that just needs to get out. But again—this can lead to overthinking and frustration.

The best way I can describe writing for me is that, when it goes well, I find a rhythm, or enter into a zone, where I can describe the images in my head in a way that’s both accurate and pleasant to read. But entering that zone or finding that rhythm is like jumping into a game of jump rope. If you don’t do it right, you’re just going to trip over your feet and get tangled in the rope. But if you do it correctly, it’s fun and exhilarating and you can keep jumping for a long time. Sometimes it takes me some false starts to jump in. And recently I’ve been having days where I just can’t at all, where I tangle the rope up so much I can’t unknot it. Those are the days I just have the same sentences repeating over and over in my head, sounding wrong, and I can’t do anything about it. On the other hand, I write in much longer sprints than I did a couple years ago. I used to only write partial scenes, maybe a few hundred words. Now I can write whole scenes without stopping, and on a few occasions, I’ve written multiple scenes or even whole stories without stopping. So in other words, when it works,  it really works. But it doesn’t always, and there’s not a lot of in between.

*

Day 50 What fic/story made you?

Um… honestly I’ve been writing, in general and fic specifically, for such a long time that I didn’t have a ‘maybe I can do this’ moment. I mean one problem I’ve never had is thinking I can’t do this. I had positive reinforcement for my school and academic writing, and for a long time my fictional stories were just for me, and I knew what I liked. Even just thinking about my fic writing… I’ve been posting fic online since 2006, and I’ve been in multiple fandoms. I don’t really have much connection to a lot of those early stories anymore. They feel like they were written by someone else, a little. I’ve also moved on from most of the fandoms I wrote for in my early fic days so I don’t feel like I can really judge them anymore.

That said… there is kinda an obvious answer for my Star Trek fic lol. I also have favorite stories, and stories that stick out even years after I wrote them, in all (or at least most) of the fandoms I’ve been in. But I’m not sure if that’s the same.

Also, I had two teachers who were really encouraging of me and who I still think about often. One was my seventh grade English teacher, who had us do a lot of writing exercises of various types, both large and small, including keeping writing journals we wrote in every day at the start of class. He once told my mom that I wrote well, not for a seventh grader, but in general, and to be honest I still think of that with some regularity and take a lot of pride and comfort in it. The other was my creative writing professor in college. I don’t think I did my best work for that class, but she was very encouraging and seemed to like what I did. At the end of the semester, as I was preparing my portfolio, she told me that if I didn’t want to do much editing, I didn’t have to, because my unedited work would stand on its own. Again, especially considering all the problems that I saw with my writing for that class even then, I really took that comment to heart. When I’m feeling very self-critical, I remind myself that even my raw scribblings have, perhaps, something to them, and it helps ease the excessive and unwarranted pressure I put on myself. These aren’t really stories about specific writing pieces that ‘made’ me but I do think they speak to that ‘maybe I can do this’ feeling.

*

Day 51: Do you use tools for plotting and what are they?

So, generally, no. Sometimes I’ll look at various writing/plotting/organizational tools as a method of distraction, but my actual process is very simple. I use plain old notebooks and pens, and word documents on my computer, to plan all my fics, from the one-shots to the multi-chapters. I start by writing down general thoughts and brainstorming, then I build a scene list and/or outline, and then, if necessary, I separate the scenes lists into chapters. Sometimes I break down the scenes even more, if I have additional ideas I don’t wan to forget or if I know I need to hit certain points in a specific scene. The process varies a little bit from project to project, but that’s basically all I do.

I did use Evernote to plan the (still unwritten….) Ark AU. I don’t know if that was the best program choice or if something else exists that would have more precisely met my needs. But that’s what I used and that’s how it is. It’s a little annoying that every time I open it, it’s been updated, and the interface looks totally different and I have to relearn where everything is. But the tagging system has worked decently to allow me to see the big picture of this complex, multi-strand, multi-character, multi-ship disaster epic of a story. I struggled to plot it for a long time because I didn’t know how to balance all of the different parts. In Evernote, I made one ‘note’ for each character, and one for each scene (in addition to miscellaneous notes about sub plots, relationships, questions, etc.). Then I tagged each of them, including tagging the scenes by chapter. So now I can look at a list of all the characters, or all the scenes, or all of the scenes in chapter 8, or whatever, but I can also look at just one particular note at a time, and not be distracted by anything else. That said, I do also have one note that is just a total scene list for the whole fic, which is pretty reminiscent of my usual outlining process.

So… somehow this helped me plot (tentatively) the whole thing, but as I’ve written almost none of it—I finished outlining this in February 2020 so in my defense… I think you can see why it stalled—I’m not yet sure if it was a successful experiment in a ‘plotting tool.’

*

Day 60: How do you start your chapters? Do you start with dialogue? Why or why not?

While I am definitely against prescriptive “writing rues” generally, as my own personal rule, I try not to start with dialogue unless I have a very good reason.

To be quite honest, I think it’s lazy. I do think that dialogue openings can be used well, if the writer acknowledges that they are intensely stylistic and, from a reader’s perspective, quite difficult. Even within fanfiction, where a line of dialogue (especially if accompanied by a dialogue tag or swiftly followed by a reference to the speaker) gives a lot more information to the reader than in original fiction, opening with dialogue still shoves the reader directly into the deep end of the scene, with very little to orient her. WHERE is the speaker? WHO is being addressed in the dialogue? WHAT is the context of the conversation? Who ELSE might be present in the scene?

There are reasons you might want to throw the reader in the aforementioned deep-end. Maybe it’s an in media res situation and you want to emphasize the overwhelming nature of the action—starting a scene with “Get down!” for example. Or maybe the overall mood is one of disorientation or floating or uncertainty, and you want to create the same effect in the reader.

But I think if you’re starting a scene with dialogue because that’s the first thing that comes to mind for you—the person who conveniently already has the setting, character list, and even future plot already in mind—and it’s just simplest and easiest to start that way, you’re doing a disservice to the reader.

For example, I actually am planning to start the next chapter of the Sleeping Beauty AU with dialogue. My POV character is in a room with multiple other characters, and she’s examining something meaningful to her and not fully listening to the conversation around her. So I want the dialogue to float around in the background, to feel unmoored, and to stand in contrast to the very precise, detailed thoughts and memories that she’s experiencing, which are grounded in physical sensations like touch.

I haven’t quite gotten it to work yet, though, in part because opening with dialogue and doing it well is, in my opinion, quite hard. The difficulty lies in alleviating the challenges the reader is experiencing and making the text fluid and easy to picture. You need to get all of that scene-setting information—the who, what, when, where, and why—in very quickly, but without being jarring. In this scene in particular, I have multiple characters, all in a comparatively unusual location, and I need to establish where they are, who exactly is there, how they’ve come to meet my POV character (which happens ‘off screen’ between the end of Ch5 and the beginning of Ch6), all on top of the character’s thoughts and feelings.

I know all of this very well. To picture the scene in my own head takes only a moment. I just think about it and I see all seven of the characters, where they’re sitting, how they’re positioned, what their facial expressions are, and I also know roughly what each of them is thinking and feeling. To describe all of this in words would take several sentences. Do I put all those sentences on the front end? Do I weave them in among other description and dialogue? Is all of it even necessary—maybe we don’t need to know who’s sitting in what order on the couch, for example.

I’ve gone over a couple of different ways to do this in my head, and I’m sure it is possible, but I’m struggling to get it all down in a coherent way. (Admittedly, I’ve only made one solid attempt. As I was describing above, I’m probably going to jump in with several false starts, and then it will suddenly click.)

My initial attempt to set up the scene relied heavily on dialogue, but when I read it over, what sounded snappy and interesting in my head just fell completely flat—because it lacked context and thus, any meaning. I think the gulf between how dialogue openings feel to the writer and how they feel to the reader is large. To the writer, they feel easy and natural. To the reader, they can feel forced and, contrary to the writer’s intention, serve as an additional reminder that this is a constructed narrative rather than an immersive experience—the opposite of natural. In other words, as I said, they’re a highly stylized form of writing.

To illustrate, this was my first try at the Chapter 6 intro:

"I still can't believe it," a lightly awed voice says from somewhere behind Clarke. "The Princess of Alpha Station really used to live in our quarters.”

She pictures Miller, sunk into the couch cushions, slowly shaking his head, the expression on his face equal parts satisfied and amused.

"Really? That's what you think is the oddest part of all this?"

"Yeah, Bry, I do. Would you prefer I gloat? About being right this whole time? Who says she's just a legend now?"

My current idea is to still start with dialogue, but to move back into a significant amount of description pretty immediately afterward, and only then add more dialogue. Even this is a little hazy, since I haven’t thought much about this fic in a while. But I do think it’s quite clear this won’t work.

As for how I DO start chapters/scenes/stories… I like to start with a strong image that sets the scene and mood of the story, and hopefully leaves the reader wanting to know more. Here are some examples of story openings I’ve written recently, which I like a lot:

When Bellamy is angered, deafening bouts of thunder shake the heavens.

The cawing of the crows—high, sharp, angry shots of sound. The buzzing of the telephone wires.

Marcus Kane's body shows up again in June, skeletal and rotting, six months after his disappearance at the turn of the year.

The sky has turned a bruised yellow, like the inside of a plum, by the time Bellamy starts seeing the robots in the fields.

At noon on the third-to-last day before Christmas, Murphy leaves the cafe, with a single peppermint mocha and a small paper bag, and heads right, walking parallel to the ocean.

The last one doesn’t seem as interesting but consider: you get the who, what, when, and where, the mystery of the paper bag and where he might be going, and also the immediate understanding that this is probably going to be a Fluffy Beach Christmas story—which is correct, that’s exactly what it is.

I’m not saying that I’m always creative or unique. I often start stories off with descriptions of the weather. And I have committed the ~~cardinal sin~~ of starting with a character waking up, heaven forbid. I don’t have any hard and fast rules for myself other than that I try to avoid dialogue, or at least, be careful about its use (another example: I use dialogue to start off Mad Women—but it reads like narration, until it’s rudely interrupted, a sort of in-joke/reference/twist). I try to match the mood of the story and, as I said, include something that will create a question for the reader, some version of why, that the rest of the story will answer.

*

Day 61: Do you describe the weather? Try changing a scene you wrote by adding weather effects.

After writing a book for the last question, here���s an easy one! Yes, I describe the weather. A lot. Often. In detail.

(Though if we’re talking about the Sleeping Beauty AU as my “current wip,” I actually don’t do much weather describing there, because 4 of the 6 chapters take place in a location with no weather.)

 *

Day 62: What is your favorite thing to write about?

Honestly I like to write about people being dramatic about their emotions. That’s what I’ve discovered while writing my surprisingly self-indulgent Troped fic: I want to describe people acting as if Everything was the Most Ever. It’s fun. Part of this is getting into the usual romantic tropes—longing, pining, exaggerated touches and glances and the like—but why stop at romance when you also have stuff like The Weather and Random Feelings to contemplate?

I also like setting scenes that I find soothing, which is part of why I like Seasonal Stories.

 *

Day 63: Are you more of a drabble/flash or a longfic/novel kind of writer?

I’m in the middle. I mostly write one-shots, and I’ve noticed that a lot of them fall in the 4-6k range. Long one-shots can get all the way to 10-12k but I feel like most of those are, semi-objectively speaking, too long, and would probably have been stronger if they were pruned down to 6k, or, better yet, never made it past 6k in the first place.

I have written some multi-chapters, or, uh, started multi-chapters, but I’m VERY bad at it. The only thing that makes me slightly less bad is being stubborn. Hence the existence of a WIP that I’ve had going for over 10 years now and refuse to call abandoned. Hence this year’s extended angst about the Sleeping Beauty AU, which is only 6 chapters but has taken me literally years to write. I don’t honestly know if I’ve ever finished a multi-chapter WIP, like, properly speaking. I’ve done some short multi-chapters that I wrote as if they were one-shots and then split up for ease of reading or, I dunno, just because. I wrote a Big Bang once, but it’s not very good. Nor very long, if I remember correctly. Generally speaking I probably shouldn’t be allowed to write novels lol—I have a lot of them in my ‘I should write this one day’ idea list—but as it so happens, no one can stop me, so here we are. I definitely have wild fantasies of writing multi-chapters with ease but I’m just a very slow writer and my ideas can’t keep up with my actual-writing. Thus one shots are much easier than multi-chaps, and one-shots on a deadline are much easier than ‘I’ll finish this whenever’ one-shots. One-shots written for events or exchanges also tend to be shorter (and, imo, better) because of the deadlines they’re written on, and are thus more likely to hit that sweet 4-6k spot than stories where I’m allowed to ramble at will.

All that said, I ALSO write a good number of drabbles/writing exercises. I used to write them more often than I do now, but still over the last five years I’ve produced 110,000+ words in free-standing scenes so like… that’s also a thing I guess.

[jokerownsmysoul]

one year.

Today is exactly a year since I first saw Joker.

What inspired me to see it, at first, was just the respect and admiration I felt for Joaquin, an actor I already knew and who had totally captured me when I saw Her a few years ago. I was curious to see his interpretation of Joker but I had not seen the trailer nor dedicated to the movie any special attention.

Then, late in October, I came across a promotional photo of Arthur, and something snapped in my heart the second my eyes met his. There was something settled in his expression full of pain, in his silent attempt to ask for help, in his sad but sparkling eyes, in his delicate beauty, that spoke to me. I felt the urgency to see the trailer: I had to meet that man. I had to know Arthur. From there I felt a connection with him that caught me by surprise.

That day, after watching the trailer, Arthur had already decided that he was going to be part of my life in a way I never thought possible. He opened the door to my heart and whispered, "I leave the door ajar for when I come in." And he did, because something about him had already captured me. I watched the trailer over and over, counted the days before I met Arthur, and I waited for him to come. For the first time I wanted to watch Joker not for Joaquin, but for Arthur.

I went to the movie theater thinking I was gonna enjoy a nice night and a beautiful movie with a intriguing character, but then I saw Arthur. I saw him sitting in front of the vanity at Haha's, on the sidelines, forcing a painful smile with his fingers and trying to hold back and fight tears distilled in a blue color, and in that specific moment the sense of belonging that I felt when I saw him in the trailer got bigger and bigger, the door that Arthur had left ajar I could feel slowly and at the same time quickly being opened inside me, and Arthur was already important to me.

At the end of the movie I was totally, completely absorbed by Arthur, who in the meantime had wide opened the door of my heart to inhabit it. I never thought those two hours would mean to me more than I ever imagined, and I knew that something special had just come into my life. I never thought after a year I'd still be here, even more in love than before, remembering the memories Joker gave me throughout the year, remembering how many times he helped me and all of us in this rough period we are living in.

Arthur is a fictional character, and yet my love for him is one of the strongest things I’ve ever felt in my life. I needed this love, it’s what a part of me always longed for my whole life, but I never thought that the person to give me this love would be him, Arthur, and I didn’t know that until he came to me. It took me a while to embrace the feeling I felt for him, going beyond all the people who told me it was wrong, that it wasn’t right, even if I never believe them. I found out this community who helped me to realize better that love is never wrong. Ever. Falling for him came naturally to me, he's the easiest person to love.

Arthur made me rediscover a part of myself that I thought I’d lost forever and I didn’t know I missed her so much. He gave me some of the deepest friendships I have, the adrenaline and the clumsy fear of a love that you don’t know yet but from which you feel drawn as if it were a siren's call. He gave me cries, smiles and emotions that I haven’t felt in a long time. He gave me poetry, he gave me daydreams and old fashioned music. He made me discover parts of myself that I did not know yet and he made me know better those parts of myself that I had never listened as I should have. Arthur is teaching me to love and be the best version of myself.

Arthur gave me my writing back. I've been writing for my whole life, but with him my writing started breathing better again. For the first time in ten years, since the last time I've written fan fiction, I felt the urgency to start doing it again for him. I felt the irrepressible desire to give Arthur the life he deserved through ink and live this love deeper. It took a few months before I was brave enough to post my writings publicly, truth be told I regret not having created this blog before, but I’m glad I eventually managed to overcome my insecurities. Making this blog is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

There are not enough words to describe the life I’m experiencing with this blog. I have never taken part in a fandom, it was a whole new world for me, and I am happy that I'm experiencing it for the first time with the best fandom I could ever find. Joker fandom has the sweetest, most inclusive, empathic, generous and kindest people I know. We took an ironic and mocking expression invented by Randall, Chuckletown, took the best from it, and created something as wonderful as our Chuckletown, and every day you show me that being part of Chuckletown is an honor.

I will always be grateful to Arthur for bringing into my life such a rare love that enters the lives of a few people that I didn't know existed, a love so intense that I never thought it would come to my life. For making me meet some of the most important people who fill my days, for giving me wonderful friendships and emotions whose words to be described have not yet been created.

Even if oceans keep us apart, even though we are distant and spread around the world, this has never stopped me from considering you my dear friends. You understand me and show me your affection every day, and I hope I can give you at least half of the affection you show me. I hope I can give that to Arthur, too, somehow.

To you and Arthur, thank you and I love you. 💚💙❤️💛

[seyaryminamoto]

I recently saw a heavy criticism of The Beach saying "it's the single least realistic portrayal of teenagers on television: spoiled, rich kids don't actively shun Zuko for having a disfiguring scar on his face, no one tries to start shit with Azula over the volleyball game, teenagers referring to themselves as teenagers, a teen boy tells people not to make a mess, a bunch of 14-16 year-olds sit in a circle and psychoanalyze each other, everything else about the campfire scene." Your thoughts?

:’) that someone looks at the Beach and dismisses it for being “unrealistic” by whatever their cultural standards are is probably enough of a sign of the irrelevance of said person’s opinion. I mean, obviously they’re free to think what they will, but...

Fire Nation society is not American society. I’m going blind here, maybe this person isn’t American at all, but somehow I mostly see such kinds of narrow-minded criticism from first-worlders who are seldom exposed to lifestyles outside their particular, contemporary bubble of experiences. 

Now then, let’s get into the actual debate: Fire Nation society values violence quite a lot. Fire Nation society is full of people who saw Zuko’s literal Agni Kai burning scene, and didn’t look away: the only character who does is Iroh, a very obvious hint by the writers that Iroh has discarded the cruel moral values the rest of the Fire Nation upholds.

With this in mind, a boy with a scarred face might earn all sorts of “ews” from our societies, damn right. From Fire Nation society, though? If even watching how the burn is inflicted didn’t bother most of them, why would the result be a problem? If anything, I wouldn’t be surprised if people with burn scars are even seen more attractive because it implies they were caught in violent scuffles with fire and still survived? Of course, the argument might go that Zuko’s burn is meant to be a mark of shame... but it’s a mark of shame for PRINCE Zuko. For that mysterious boy with the emo haircut in Ember Island, whose real identity is a mystery? It is shown, instead, to result in this reaction:

Now then, we could say that this is meant to be a jab by the creators and writers at Zuko’s hordes of fangirls, because frankly, Book 3 has several instances of groups of girls swooning over Zuko and it might be what they were going for. In this case, though, they’re swooning over him WITHOUT knowing who he is, as opposed to the fangirls in Nightmares and Daydreams. So, while it absolutely can be inspired on the many Zuko fangirls the staff knew about, this actually ends up serving to characterize a society, a culture: they don’t think his scar makes him unattractive. It’s blatantly stated that their reaction is the opposite. So, instead of thinking “oh god that’s so unrealistic”, how about we actually stop trying to measure everything by our standards and consider that this could be an element of WORLDBUILDING...? :’)

(Also, I’m pretty sure there’s a fair share of privileged young women in our current society who think Kylo Ren was hot as hell with a huge scar across his face... are those people not real, by any chance? :’D If anything, they’re living proof that girls swooning over a scarred boy in ATLA are absolutely feasible, no matter if not everyone shares their opinion)

Continues under the cut becasue this got long....

Now then, Azula is shown to take the Kuai ball game too far. She outright causes the ball, in the final kick, to burst into flames and burns the net. Going by Chan and Ruon Jian, these kids are privileged idiots, why lie... but are these privileged idiots stupid enough to see a girl flying three feet into the air, kicking a firebent ball and then giving a foreboding speech, and say “OKAY WE’RE GONNA PICK A FIGHT WITH YOU FOR BEING SO COMPETITIVE!”???? I mean... honestly. Why would anyone do this? Azula turned an inoffensive Kuai ball game into a battlefield singlehandedly: THIS, as well, is meant to be a display of characterization. That people don’t take the game so seriously, that they wouldn’t pick a fight with her because she’s dangerous or because they just don’t care as much as she does... it’s characterizing Fire Nation people every bit as much as it characterizes Azula.

Azula and Zuko are both shown reacting in ridiculous ways to casual things in this episode: Azula takes the game too far, potentially stages the burning down of a house in retaliation for being rejected by a boy, Zuko is hysterical and jealous and snaps at Mai over stupid things... it’s, again, a matter of showing how poorly adjusted these characters are. They’re not normal kids. They DON’T behave like normal kids. Normal, privileged kids in the Fire Nation, are kids like Chan and Ruon Jian. The episode literally gives you the chance to see Fire Nation society for what it is, in a way no other episode does... and because it’s not like our societies, it’s somehow wrong?

... Also, teenagers referring to themselves as teenagers is somehow unrealistic? I mean... is it nowadays? I don’t think any teenagers had a problem with saying they were teens in my youth :’DDD literally remember MCR released a song called Teenagers and a lot of us loved it to pieces. What exactly is so outrageous about it? Might be that this worked better in the mid-00′s, but I hardly think this makes no sense? Aang refers to himself as a kid earlier in the show, is that unrealistic too and worth rebuking a whole episode over? Are all teenagers supposed to be pretending to be grown-ups, like so many 16-year-olds on Tumblr who always talk like they’ve figured out the world and try to impose rules on fully-grown adults upon whom they have absolutely no power? :’DDDDD Yeah, I think this particular point is a stupid thing to make a fuss over. Honestly, it is.

Chan tells people not to make a mess = unrealistic. Ha. Did this person ignore his reactions at the chaos Azula, Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee caused in his house? “YOU BROKE MY NANA’S VASE!!!”, anyone? Like... I’m sorry, but this IS characterization, yet again! This shows Chan is a spoiled brat who wants to stay in his family’s good graces. The party isn’t at all as crazy and wild as you’d expect from, again, an American teenage party... and why? Because, for one thing, Chan is clearly afraid of the consequences of too much chaos in the beach house: this implies fear of authority, of his parents, perhaps even his grandparents. 

For another, again, FIRE NATION SOCIETY: what does this clever critic know, by any chance, of Nazi Germany’s Hitler Youth? I’ve watched a few documentaries about it, and basically if you were a boy and you weren’t in Hitler Youth, you were no one. You were worthless. And what happened in Hitler Youth? Conditioning to the extreme. These kids were taught all the alt-right ideology that Tumblr despises, and they were made to believe it was an undeniable reality. Were there cases of kids who didn’t like it, kids who didn’t approve of it? Surely. But the general idea of Hitler Youth was to educate every kid to behave in the way Hitler considered appropriate, to the point where “the notion "Germany must live" even if they (members of the HJ) had to die was "hammered" into them.”

This is, of course, an extreme example and I’m sure Fire Nation education wasn’t that extreme because we saw it for ourselves, it’s not. But a slightly milder version of it? That’s absolutely feasible and consistent with what we see in The Headband. Therefore, kids getting high and drunk at a party? Maybe that kind of thing simply DOESN’T happen in a Fire Nation party? :’) Maybe they’re taught that those kinds of things are off-limits to anyone under a certain age (or outright forbidden, might be the case with drugs), and as they live in a tyrannical society that priorizes the Fire Lord and his decrees above all else, where his word is treated as that of a god, even mischievous teenagers refuse to act out? :’D oh, what an implausible concept, this just can’t possibly make any sense! Hitler Youth is unrealistic too!

Lastly, that a bunch of kids would sit in a circle psychoanalyzing each other seems implausible to this person is actually laughable for me. Not only have I constantly found myself, from my early teenage years to current days, serving as some sort of unofficial therapist for many of my friends, who share their woes and ask me for advice (whether they’ll heed it or not), most importantly, I once had an experience with a friend, back in high school, much like what happens with these kids in The Beach, after I’d spent years doing a lot of post-depression introspection. I shared a lot of stuff I didn’t often talk about, and beats me WHY I felt completely comfortable sharing it with my friend that day, but I did. She understood me, listened, offered her opinion, and we talked about her problems too. This happened when I was 15-16. If this person has never experienced such situation... why, that’s not anyone’s business. But it’s certainly not their business to determine this just DOESN’T happen, to anyone, ever. I can safely say it does, to people who do have problems and who sometimes just need a friendly shoulder to rely on. Maybe this critic’s life is just so perfect they’ve never had to share their woes with anyone else :’) I’m afraid that doesn’t invalidate those of us who are different, and it doesn’t invalidate the possibility that those four could talk, as they did, without breaking characterization, in the scene of the fireplace at the beach.

ANYWAYS...

Saying that a show about a group of kids who save the world and then effectively become leaders of such world, facing very little opposition in the process, is unrealistic because “teenagers aren’t like that becuase I wasn’t like that as a teenager” may be one of the most ridiculous and shortsighted things I’ve seen in this fandom, AND I’VE SEEN A LOT OF RIDICULOUS AND SHORTSIGHTED THINGS. A person’s experiences are NOT universal, regardless of how widespread their culture may be. More importantly, fiction does NOT have to abide by rules established by our current society’s state and cultural values. ATLA, as it is, is a completely different world from our own, regardless of its inspiration in many Asian cultures.

I, personally, find it a lot more unrealistic that Fire Lord Zuko can become Fire Lord without much in the way of visible protesting or boycotting when he was a banished prince who didn’t even win in his Agni Kai against Azula since it’s Katara who ends up defeating her and, as far as the rules go, Azula technically won even if not in the most dignified of ways. I find it even more unrealistic that LOK tells us Zuko was Fire Lord successfully for 70+ years and the Fire Nation has been fully reformed into a non-warmongering country despite the 100+ years of indoctrination started by Sozin’s rule. That this gets swept under a rug, not only in the neatly wrapped finale that leaves a thousand unanswered questions, but in the sequel show that merely confirms Zuko succeeded and shows NOTHING of how he managed to reform such a fucked up society...? That is a thousand times more important to me than “privileged kids aren’t acting like privileged kids OMG!”. Honestly, you want privileged kids abusing all their privileges in our society? Go watch Gossip Girl, I genuinely recommend it. You want something that proposes a completely different possibility and a glance at what a society guided by a tyrannical dictator looks like? Feel free to watch The Beach again with a completely different focus and MAYBE you’ll understand what the writers were going for.

If this person happens to see my answer, I hope they learn that worldbuilding, for a storyteller, entails CREATING a world that isn’t necessarily like the one we’re familiar with. There are multiple layers to such a world, and society and culture are some of them. Not all cultures and societies work the same way, which is part of why sometimes you’ll find behaviors from people who belong to wholly different cultures and wind up perplexed because whatever they’re doing is completely unfamiliar for you. Are there any universal behaviors in humans? Maybe! But in a work of FICTION, even the most universal of behaviors can be changed, deleted, altered however the writer sees fit! :’D it’s not a novel concept, and as far as logical fallacies are concerned, this show features a whole slew of those that have nothing to do with this peculiar sense of “realism”, fallacies that absolutely can and should be called out. Namely, things that contradict the internal logic of the show, rather than things that are incompatible with OUR world. Portraying a world that’s very different from ours, on virtually every level you can think of? That’s called creativity, not lack of realism. Please learn the difference.

[piccolina-mina]

I’m honestly disgusted by your post how can you sit there an basically admit to fetishizing m/f pairings as if that’s any better than straight women fetishizing two men or men fetishizing two women and hide that within a post supposedly about bi representation, I’m bi and for one love to see a bi character end up with someone of the same sex because so often bi characters are used for brownie points and don’t get that same sex endgame that fandoms get so seldom as it is.

I don't know what you're talking about nonny.

Oh. Oh. Acknowledging someone is attractive and desirable is not fetishizing them. Saying fans who choose to self insert with characters, something that is a part of the process when consuming fiction via TV shows, films, and books is also not fetishizing someone.

Are your partners or potential partners fetishizing you when they express interest and attraction in you?

Did my post or any of them express a habitual sexual fixation on any and all characters present in it? Have I reduced any of them to just that fixation? Nope.

Do you as a bi person have every right to enjoy a same sex pairing on TV? Absolutely. Do you have a right to see yourself within a character? Connect to that character so that their representation resonates with you? Yes.

Do you have a right to feel seen within the expression of a fictional relationship? Do you have a right to feel acknowledged within one? Do have a right to feel attracted to a character? Do you have a right to feel represented or reminded that you, and people like you are valid and desirable, and worthy of love and affection and attraction? Yes, yes, and yes.

You do. I said that. And so does everyone else. People, other bisexual people, have literally reblogged and shared their thoughts and expressed their sentiments on the post and in the tags.

I don't give a fuck if you're disgusted. You're entitled to that. But why don't you not do your own community the disservice of invalidating and disregarding their feelings even if you don't give a solitary fuck about mine, yeah? I'm out of grace, nonny. But you don't have to be.

You're not owning me with this, you're disrespecting them. There's room for you to disagree just like there should be room for them as well. That's all this is ever about... letting people have room and share a fucking space in fandom with you.

So in essence, it isn't about how gratifying and pleasurable, and emotional I still get as a black girl whenever I see black female characters who are desired and cherished and revered and cared for especially in romantic relationships because I still know how rare that is even when strides have been made. Strides have been made with queer representation, but you still are fighting for more and the normalization of that representation across the landscape, are you not, nonny?

And it's not about how it's even rarer to see a relatively healthy interracial relationship involving a black woman that isn't treated like a bad thing and that's normalized -- that isn't mocked (well, within the series anyway), or fetishized, or bogged down with racial tragedy and tension and oppression.

Because we still live in a world where someone like me can hear "you're kinda cute for a black girl" like it's a compliment or is ridiculed or judged for having the audacity to be attracted to more than just men who "look" like me.

Nor is it about how that relationship you choose to only see as hetero can have an entirely different meaning for queer and straight WOC who may be using a different lens than yours consuming media ... one that centers their identity... that's allowed right? Or no?

Or how you're not the only one who wants to feel seen and deserves to feel seen and has latched onto something representative of you.

It's about how there should be space for all to do so. There are two whole ships in question that allow factions of fandom to enjoy and feel visible and yet this fandom tears itself apart undercutting and shitting on someone else's visibility.

What if the show didn't pit two disenfranchised parties against each other? What if they chose to give two disenfranchised parties representation with the desirable show favorite, but instead of letting people enjoy one or both versions that resonate with them, fandom has showed their entire ass and pit themselves against each other when they didn't fucking have to, nonny?

As for the other bits. You sit and think long and hard about all the times you watched a movie and daydreamed that you were the love interest. Think about all those girl and boy bands and musicians you were obsessed with growing up. Think about the times you heard a song and imagined someone writing it about you or singing it to you.

Think about the books you read where at some point you stopped reading about the protagonist ... you were the protagonist because you got so lost in the tale and their every experience felt like it was happening with you.

Think about all the times you watched a show and was enthralled when one of your favorite characters was with one of your most desired characters.

Think about how in almost every piece you consume there is always one or more characters you identify with ... ie self-inserts.

It's a natural part of consuming works of fiction, in consuming media in all of its forms. It's a natural part of fandoming.

So please stop being willfully obtuse and spare us all the disingenuous anger, disgust, and righteousness as if you couldn't comprehend what I was saying in that post.

It's beneath you. You have a good day now. I don't have anything else to say on the matter, so don't waste either of our time with a rebuttal that only shows that you were never interested in engaging only being bitter in someone's inbox over bullshit.

[spnfanficpond]

January 2020 Pond LiveChat Recap - Writing RPF

We had a great time chatting with Taylor,  @impalaimagining​! Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your thoughts and experience!

Our topic this month was Writing RPF, and we talked about the legal, moral, and emotional aspects of writing about real people.  A rundown of the chat, as well as general Pond news, is below the cut!

We started off the chat with the legal side of things, most of which was covered back when we talked about Monetizing Fan Works back in May. Here are the related links that were brought up:

Wikipedia: Legal issues with fan fiction (The section dealing with RPF is near the bottom under Right of Publicity.) Boiled down, RPF has to deal with a celebrity's Right of Publicity. Famous people have the right to control the commercial use of their name, image, and likeness, sometimes even their broader identity or persona. Most states’ laws on this only apply to uses for commercial gain. So, don't try to get paid directly for RPF, and you're safe.

From NPR: We Stan: Real Person Fan Fiction Comes To Life. This is a fascinating discussion about RPF, the legalities, and how it’s been changing in recent years. This argues that basically since “fiction” is right there in the name, RPF is inherently more legal than regular fan fiction based off of characters. No one is trying to say that the real people involved are actually doing these things, it’s just fiction.

Goodreads Genre: Fan Fiction - Real Person Fiction. When I was researching, this link came up, and I clicked it, not knowing what to expect. Finding that Fan fiction, much less RPF is on Goodreads was surprising to me. (I thought Goodreads was only about books that could be purchased and didn’t touch “unpublished” works, but I guess not?) What I found most interesting was exactly how many of the titles listed on that page are J2-related. There are more J2-related titles than all of the others COMBINED. As a fandom, we rock!

The discussion started with most folks saying they hadn’t considered the legalities of fan fiction, or RPF in particular, when they began writing. Their first concern was just getting the story out of their head and onto the paper. Also, since no one was getting paid for it and it’s so popular, no one questioned the legalities. Also, since it’s fiction, there’s no defamation of character.

@mrswhozeewhatsis​ (Michelle): Most people know that I generally don’t read RPF, unless it’s an AU. Way way way back, when I first started reading fan fiction, I used to read the occasional RPF. Honestly, before SPN, I never really liked an actor enough to want to know more about them. (I've been burned by some jerk actors in the past.) One of the first RPFs I ever read was from Jared's POV, and it contained a scene where he was on stage at a con, and detailed his thoughts. I forget what the inciting incident was, but suddenly he was thinking, "Great, now they're all thinking about how big my dick is," and it made him spiral. Something about that stuck with me, to the point that I cringe every time I see Jared on stage and anything remotely sexual comes up. That's pretty much what stopped me from reading RPF. I have no problem thinking about how big Sam's dick is, but I can't ponder too much about Jared's dick, or I can't look him in the eye when I see him at cons!!!

Taylor: I definitely think there is a very fine line to be walked when you write RPF, and I generally don't cross into the area of writing from an actor's POV.

Q: Is that how you keep it separate so you don’t stare into their faces at a con during a photo op and think about the smut you wrote about them?

Taylor: It can be hard to keep it separate sometimes but it's actually very easy in the moment of a split second photo op. They move so quickly, I don't genuinely think I have ever had the time to consider the things I've written about them while I was talking to and hugging them!

Q: Anyone else who doesn’t read/write RPF, do you think that the whole not being able to look them in the eye is an internal thing for anyone in your life, or just celebs? 

@manawhaat​ (Mana): For example, I have A. FUCKING. LOT. of sex dreams. With tons of people, celebs and people I know in my real life... and I don't want to say that it's jaded me as far as thinking sexual thoughts about people, but in a way it kind of has. I don't have that moral dilemma of not being able to look Jared in the eye after thinking about his dick.  Taylor: I completely agree. I think writing it has made me kind of impervious to it bleeding into my daily life. I see Jared and my heart goes ohmygodwelovehim first and in person, then later when he's not around is when the wowowowbutwhatabouthisdick comes in. Michelle: I don’t think I could write about anyone in a smutty way. Just characters.

Q: I wanted to talk about 'characterization' of rpf. Do other rpf writers out there think of the people as characters and treat them that way, or do you humanize them? Idk if that question makes sense but it's along the same lines of keeping them separate. 

@fogsrollingin​ (Alex): I cast them in other stories when it's rpf. I always write rpf AUs with only a couple exceptions. We know their onscreen mannerisms, so making them astronauts terraforming a new planet with evil aliens on it is like "oh easy". Taylor: Characterization is huge for me. If someone writes an actor outside of the way they portray themselves, it's impossible for me to read. While we don't know these people personally, we know how they act outwardly and in the public eye, and that's enough to get a good idea of the kind of person they would be.  Michelle: I have no trouble reading AUs, because it's just another character who happens to look like and have the name of one of my favorite actors. In AUs, they're characters. If they are actors on a show called Supernatural, then it's too humanizing for me. Taylor: See, Michelle, my mind can't separate it to that degree. If I'm reading about someone named Jared who looks like our Jared? It's Jared. AUs give me a lot of trouble, to be honest.  Both writing and reading. Alex: I feel like it's no different than if Jared did a scifi movie during his summer break from spn & it's so low budget they just kept his real name for his character name.

Q: Do you feel differently reading ship RPF than reader insert RPF?

Michelle: Most of the RPF stories I read are ships, but I do read some reader inserts, too. It’s not an intentional choice either way. Alex: I don't feel differently about it, rly. I know I prefer reading ships over reader insert but that's just my personal jam. Mana: I have a hard time reading ship rpf mainly because I like the versions of my ships that I've built in my head, so when someone deviates from that it is a little turn off for me. Like, your version of Cockles is not the same as my version, which is totally fine, you do you, but it isn't gonna tickle me the same way ya know. so when I get into like non-mainstream ships it's extra difficult to find writers who represent them in the 'right' ways. Taylor: I feel that way about pretty much everything I read, and I think that has a lot to do with the whole characterization piece of it. I know that my idea of and the way I portray Jared or Jensen is probably a million times different than the way other people, including my readers, think of them. I try really hard to make sure the way the actors come across is "right". Mana: I think the one big piece of characterization is kind of using the way they have presented themselves as a moral compass. Obviously they don't present their whole selves so there's always wiggle room and areas where you are free to project your ideas of them into the fic, but that's also the trickiest area and where so many people drop the ball.  Taylor: YES. So, so many people take that wiggle room and take it leaps and bounds beyond what is public (fandom) knowledge. 

Q: How do you feel about RPFs that support certain theories about the wives being beards and such?

Mana: I try to not write anything that would feel as if I'm slandering anyone, etc. I wouldn't want to write a Jensen x reader fic where Danneel cheats on him and that's how they get together. If I mention it at all I just say that they've peacefully and amicably parted ways. If I don't mention it then they simply don't exist in the timeline. But never anything negative about anyone, especially the wives.  @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish​ (Kaisha): I don't write smut (only read) so I have a very different interpretation on a lot of the things being discussed. I tend to stick with non-AU, sister/daughter!reader insert RPF fics because I don't feel creative enough branch out beyond that. I feel the same as Mana, and I actually won't read fics that are based on the premise that someone cheated for the storyline to work. Alex: I'm okay if ppl deviate far into fantasy realms tho. As long as it's not too support a real life conspiracy theory about the actors, if ppl wanna write it & others like it, all the more power to them. I mean as long as you're like "I killed the wives during the zombie apocalypse in my fic but I love them in real life please don't kill me" I'm like "cool". Taylor: I avoid bashing fics or beard fics. Admittedly I have one where Jensen and Danneel never got married, but they still had a daughter together and Danneel hid the kid from him until her 5th birthday. That doesn't feel like a bash/slander fic to me because I'm not painting anyone as a bad person - things just played out differently. 

Q: The person who suggested this topic mentioned “how to write your first RPF.” Any suggestions?

Michelle: Have Mana finish it for you! (The only one I’ve ever written, she had to finish for me!) Alex: My first rpf was a ballerina!Jared & yogi!Misha romcom. It was so goofy! Taylor: I don't know if I can even answer that question. It literally just poured out of me when I started. I took the tiny little idea I had in my head (my daydream, as it was previously and so aptly named), and put it into words and it ended up being a 10 part series. Mana: How to write your first rpf: READ RPF FROM A LOT OF DIFFERENT WRITERS. find what works for you and for the people you're writing about. do a couple of trial runs with shorter fics. you have room to play, but try not to stray too far from what they've presented themselves as in real life. Kaisha: For me, when I wrote my first RPF (which was also my first fic), I was in a mental place where I was watching a lot of con videos and reading a lot of sister/daughter fics. It was more "I need an outlet for how I am feeling right now and I don't have anyone to talk to"...so I talked to the image of the boys I had made in my head from what I saw of them online.

Q: Does character shipping affect the RPFs you read? Like, if your OTP is Destiel, do you mainly only read Cockles?

Kaisha: I will read almost anything that's related to one of the Js, either RPF or SPN. But I don't have strong ship feels one way or another that changes what I read/write for RPF. Taylor: I don't know if character ships have any kind of effect on RPF ships. Because there are a lot more people involved in cons than we see on the show, and cons are my primary source of RPF inspiration. Like, we see Henry, what, twice in the show? But Gil McKinney is a whole other story. He's all over the convention circuit (or at least he used to be) and also all over fandom twitter. It just feels easier for me to write RPF because I see these actors in my real life, interacting with other real people. I have interacted with them, which makes things feel a lot more real than writing about two hot fictional dudes from my TV screen. Alex: I'm definitely up for Sam/Dean as much as I'm up for J2. Oddly tho it's Mishalecki at real life con panels that's gotten me totally happy to write/read Mishalecki.

Q: (From Taylor) The piece of RPF I struggle with the most is bringing events from the actors' real lives into my stories. Writing about Jensen and the brewery, about their kids and stories they tell about them at cons, that's where my already grey area turns even more grey. 

Kaisha: I am right there with you Taylor! My fic started as mostly the reader and JJ interacting and then I remember the twins existed, too. And with my new fic I am trying to figure out if the San Jac and FBBC will work in or not. Mana: I'm interested in this, because I don't seem to have that issue or gray area. It just doesn't exist for me and I'd like to hear more about it from you guys. Taylor: It's so hard haha. I have something coming up that deals with Jared being arrested and of course I didn't post it before that whole event went down so now it looks like I'm taking that part of his life and twisting it for my personal fiction needs. Which feels kinda (adult word for "not good").  Kaisha: For me the gray area thing is because I want to write a believable story. A believable story has realistic details and if I am ignoring or overlooking things that my audience knows to be true, I feel it takes them out of the story. Mana: So it's a case of omit it entirely or commit to it entirely? I ask in regards to like FBBC and the kids. Do you feel differently about incorporating those aspects into your fics? would you be more comfortable writing about fbbc than you would the kids? Or does that gray area cover the same on both? Kaisha: The same thing goes for when I beta read something. A detail that I don't remember or agree with will take me out of the story and send me on a research rabbit trail to know if the author is correct with what they said. I want to stay in the story as much as possible and I want that for my readers too. That's probably a good way to differentiate it. If I state in the A/N that J1 only has 1 kid, then I don't have to consider what year the story is occurring in. But if I tell you it's non-AU, well then everything that is happening in our universe should be happening in my story (otherwise, it would be AU, even to the slightest degree). The kids vs. FBBC thing I think could be very personal on which someone feels more comfortable with. I say that because I know ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING about alcohol. Kids on the other hand I get. Taylor: For me it's the same. Just, actual concrete aspects of Jensen's life are harder for me to write about. Because then - again, just for me - that feels like writing from their point of view, which is something I try to avoid.

Q: Do any of you read/write RPF outside of SPN?

Taylor: SPN is my only fandom. Michelle: I tried to read fics from other fandoms, and just couldn’t get into it. I might be getting sucked into The Witcher fandom, though. Haven’t found any Geralt fics that really align with my image of him, though. Alex: There are CW network RPF AUs I read. Taylor: I feel like, as SPN fans, we have a wonderful privilege and incredible pool of writers to choose from when we want to read. I don't know, because like I said SPN is my only fandom, if any other fandom has this level of talent or dedication.

Q: Have you ever read an RPF fic that changed the way you viewed an actor? Or given you a sense of gained insight into their lives?

Michelle: That's actually why I don't read “canon-compliant” RPF, actually. Because then I might think that idea is real, and won't see that it's not, even when proven wrong. Like, maybe Jared actually loves it when we think about how big his dick is? But I can't stop thinking that it embarrasses him and makes him uncomfortable because I read it in that one fic. Kaisha: @crashdevlin​  has a Jensen x reader series that also heavily features Tom Hiddleston. My view of Tom has forever been changed because of her story!  Michelle: My brain is very malleable. Sometimes, I'm so open-minded, my brain falls right out. I have to be careful what I let influence me. Kaisha: It wasn't something that I intended to happen. Crash just wrote a very compelling character and I think my opinion would have been altered no matter who it was that she used as the face. Taylor: I've never read anything that has changed the way I view the actors. I've certainly read things that have given me new ideas about the things they enjoy (bitey and/or rough smut), but nothing that's changed the way they appear in my mind. I think the biggest part of all of this is just remembering that all of this is 100% FICTION and should never be taken as reality in any way, shape, or form.

To close out the chat, Mana requested fic recs! Here are the recs that were mentioned:

Michelle: If you're into serial killer AUs, There's a J2 AU in my AO3 bookmarks that's genius. Adoration. The other RPF bookmark I have is called Beholder. Jared runs an animal shelter, and Jensen is a homeless man with a TBI who gets dumped at the shelter one night.

Alex: My favorite rpf fic is Tails by keep_waking_up. Werefox!Jared & kitsune!Jensen law enforcement murder mystery AU.

Taylor: One of my favorites to read is by @thecleverdame​: Modern Technology. (Jared x reader) This is unfinished but it's quickly becoming one of my favorite Jensen-things I've ever written, AND IT'S AN AU!!! Rockabye. Also, there’s You Saved Me (Jared x Reader). And have a J2 x Reader for funsies! Something is Happening

Kaisha: This is my favorite RPF. Underneath verse (series) - J2 -  Jensen is the undercover FBI agent sent to take out Jared, the boss of Chicago. #Self-promo, but I am pretty proud of this one, too: Nanny, Sister, Daughter...Family (Jenneel with sorta daughter!reader)

Mana: Here’s the Cockles x Reader fic that Michelle and I wrote: Rumor Has It And, of course, (Jenneel x Reader) Fools In Love.

Feel free to reblog with your favorite RPF fics!!

Also, the February LiveChat info is still TBD. Feel free to send in your topic ideas and suggest guest speakers!!

General Pond Updates and Reminders

What we’ve got cooking up next: Not much, at the moment, since everyone is busy, so we’re just trying to keep up with the day-to-day at the moment! Our to do list is still long, though, and will not be neglected forever! Next up is organizing the tagging system on the blog to make it easier for readers to find the stories they’re interesting in and for writers to find the help they’re looking for!

Reminders:

Angel Fish Award nominations are accepted all month long! No need to wait to tell us how much you liked a fellow Fish’s work!  IF YOU HAVE SENT IN A NOMINATION, BUT HAVE NOT RECEIVED A PRIVATE MESSAGE CONFIRMING WE RECEIVED IT, WE DIDN’T GET IT. Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

Say hi to December’s New Members and January’s New Members! (If we missed someone, let us know!)

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the Skype chat room/discord general channel and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details!  The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!

We’re getting lots of requests for more Big Fish, lately, but so far, only one applicant! If you know someone you think would be a good Big Fish, tell them to apply!!

[spongeaddict]

Okay, I hope you don't mind me asking and maybe I've missed you explain it before, but I have been wondering this for awhile now - where did you get the inspiration for your FF name/Tumblr name?? Would love to hear the history of it!

OH BOY STRAP YASELVES IN. The history of my penname is a long an arduous road to walk, so it’ll be best to start at the beginning, but I’ll try to condense it as best as I can. 

I was diagnosed with ADHD at around age 9, with my main symptoms being inattentiveness (I was constantly daydreaming in class), lack of self-control (I just kind of did what I wanted when I wanted to for a while) and (though we didn’t know this was a symptom at the time), anxiety. I began taking medication for my ADHD so that I could succeed in the classroom and also not distract my classmates. As I got slightly older, it became my own responsibility to remember to take my medication -- which I remembered about half the time. I was twelve years old in 2004, which was about the time when being “lol randomz” was a big thing. In my science class, we used sponges often to soak up various liquids that would spill during experiments etc, and I was simply fascinated by how absorbent they were. I would constantly play with sponges when I was supposed to be, you know...working, or otherwise involved in classwork. (This is part of that “lack of self-control” I was talking about.) Kids in my class made fun of me for it a little, and kept saying I was “addicted to sponges.” It kind of became a thing that I was known for -- so much so that two of my best friends built me a miniature castle made out of sponges for my thirteenth birthday that summer. It was very sweet of them.

Near the end of seventh grade in 2005, a new friend introduced me to FF.net, when I caught her writing Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction in class one day. I loved writing and the idea that you could WRITE FICTIONAL STORIES about characters that already existed was mind-blowing to me. So I started an account (under the penname BakuraFan1415) and wrote a terrible Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction that got flamed so badly that I almost deleted my account.  I then discovered the Scooby Doo fandom, which was much nicer and was getting ready to start work on what would become Version 1.0 of “Scooby Doo and the Mysterious Tape.” But I figured it would be weird if someone with a Yu-Gi-Oh specific penname was writing Scooby Doo fanfiction, so i decided to change it to be more “me.” Since I was already associated with sponges outside of my writer persona, I decided to roll with it. Thus, SpongeAddict was born.