#‘why didnt they just kill him’ idk have you considered literally any part of the story at all

[discodeviant]

sometimes I’ll see a post about hating an antagonist and won’t be able to tell whether it’s a joke because there really are people who can’t or don’t want to see depth in these characters that are just as much people as the protagonists and it makes me so sad

[nztsume]

i think the thing that interests me the most about homelander is 10000% the fact that hes redeemable and likable just because of the fact of how much he loves the people he loves and how much he needs to be loved by them. like that makes him SO interesting to me, and the more we discover about him the more his insanity makes sense. the fact that nobody ever in his life saw him as any other than a product or a message or a pennant but never a HUMAN, and the fact that he himself doesnt want to see himself as a HUMAN when he so clearly is because all of this!!! the fact that hes gets so pathetically obsessed with any woman that shows him some love and attention, even if its fake! the way he refused to kill maeve because a part of him genuinely loves her still, the fact that when annie kissed him for the fake dating thing he was genuinely GENUINELY into it, and not in a sexual way. he fucking SMILED into the kiss??????? 'i'm glad you're here'???????????? the way stormfront never gave him any genuine show of affection, when it was clearly all about the sex and the power she had over him and he still didnt see it because he was so glad there was a woman who was willingly giving him what he understood as affection (that for her was just sex) idk i just feel like theres something so innocent about his character that the rest of the guys in the boys dont have - which is a clear reflection of how traumatized he was in the lab, how he never quite understood how to navegate his emotions as a grown up and develop actual self love. he loves homelander, but does he love john? everyone loves homelander, but who loves john? im obsessed. and i love how this spills into things that men who stan him actually would never accept or understand- like the fact that he doesnt even care about looks, he doesnt even care about his own supposed ideals where he considers supes superior to humans. he doesnt even care about loyalty!!!! otherwise hed loved firecracker. he simply wants a woman who will love him, really love him, like nobody ever loved him in his life. (and if you think about it thats soooooooo tragic. imagine not even having parents that love you... not even your own fucking child!!!! despite you doing everything to make him not have to go through what you went through!!!! despite giving him your undivided attention- even when youre one of the most important people in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and by the way, im really glad they didnt go for a super easy and predictable storyline where sister sage would pretend she loves him to manipulate him- because that would have been incredibly boring. and one last thing: this is soooo silly and petty but this is why the single most infuriating and insufferable thing in the fandom is the way men stan him, because in universe, theyd literally be the kind of people homelander would fucking hate LMFAOOOO because they ignore all of these essential parts of his character because they are too busy wankin over ashley look at me

[puhpandas]

i saw some of your posts about being anti-cassie's dad protag for HW2, which valid, but the theory's become so popular most people seem to accept it. HW2 is kind of a mess to theorize about what the string of events was considering both endings could easily be canon, but I guess I'll get to the point. I'm sure most people have heard plenty of theories about what happens in the game if it's Cassie's Dad as the protagonist, so I'm curious. If you don't think it's him, who do you think is most likely? And (while this is difficult to figure out with any protag..) what do you think is supposed to be happening throughout the game, like, timeline-wise/plot-wise? Personally I feel like Cassie's Dad protag is possible, but I don't think it's set in stone or that he would be a reoccuring character. Imo Cassie's Dad protag works best if he stays a one-off character, building onto Cassie's backstory. I kinda wonder if the "what makes you so special?" lines aren't actually saying he's special, but asking what he thinks makes him special enough to go through all this and survive. Still I'm really curious to hear alternatives! I'm definitely not attatched to that theory lol. I just haven't really heard anything else tbh since the theory's so big in the fandom..

theres tons of evidence (a lot of it already used for cassie dad protag evidence) that apply to Cassie protag. for starters hw2 is obviously incredibly reminiscent of hw1 with its ending. vanny traps you somewhere and waves, the same way glitchtrap trapped you somewhere and waved in hw1s canon ending.

it's been widely accepted that vanny cassie is very possible and the direction the story is going in so playing as cassie in the lobby and going through princess quest and helping vanny and it being implied Vannys using the player as a vessel now the same way glitchtrap used vanessa to create vanny makes it very plausible we play as cassie

theres also the 'unused' line (but they all perfectly apply to the game as it is right now and add much needed context that make the game actually make sense) that's from presumably vanny, saying: "it kept you for a reason"

not only does the it pronoun 100% mean the mimic (and cassie is still down there in the same place where the mimic is literally free rn but alive) but it means that the mimic purposefully didnt kill cassie and also probably was the one to drop the evelator because it has a plan for her. aka the plan is getting vanny a new vessel so mimic can resume operations

the lobby itself also perfectly matches post ruin. you have the vanni mask on first of all, but second of all theres little items around the lobby that hint that you're cassie. like the robot parts strewn around that could imply cassie is trying to repair roxy (theres also the helpy screen)

as for "what makes you so special" I think people are misinterpreting the cassie ending as it being Cassies dad and not a staffbot. it literally shows you straight up that you get attacked by other staffbots and made into maskbot and give cassie the mask. if anything it shows us that Cassies arrival was planned and it's more evidence that we play as her becoming vanny. but its ALSO a perfect explanation for how confusing the minigames are in telling us who we play as

we literally play as a staffbot/mapbot. the minigames go from clean and fixed animatronics to gradually getting worse. even when the pizzaplex is clean and the animatronics are just a bit dirty, we've only seen that in sb. we play as a staffbot from pre sb, during sb, and post sb. "what makes you so special" what makes you so special compared to the other staffbots

it also explains why the animatronics are mean to you. staffbots are seen as useless hunks of junk and its shown all across the pizzaplex and in ruin as well when they're constantly shown discarded and destroyed.

freddy also says the line "you ARE a Fazbear technician, arent you? idk bc I can't see you". it means we literally arent a Fazbear technician. were a staffbot. and the same applies for carnies line about kids. its prerecorded and we're just a robot anyway

I have more posts about all this stuff individually but more in depth in my hw2 theory tag. this is what I genuinely think and I believe cassie is the protag for sure. it just feels so clear with how reminiscent hw2 is of hw1s ending tied with the clear plot of vanny cassie it's just like. why would we play as her dad when we watch ourselves get trapped by vanny the same way vanessa did right in front of our eyes.

we have the cassie ending because it shows us how maskbot got the mask and where it came from. it came from glitchtrap + by extension the mimic and vanny. vanny betrays glitchtrap at the end but also traps cassie in the process. the elevator dropped on cassie in ruin because the mimic did it on purpose to enact this plan. I think hw2 is more straightforward than ppl realize if you put everything together from what we have and dont try your hardest to put other characters in when the game is definitely about vanny cassie

like hw2 and ruin were made at the same time. they go hand in hand and reference eachother in the game, even before one of them was even out. the story is about cassie becoming vanny, the whole thing. this game is an intermission (the song scorched cranberries (the end credits song) is elevator music) showing us how the new villain/character thatll be big in the next plot was created. this is about cassie

maybe her dad will have the spotlight in hw2s dlc. idk. he has something going on but nothing in hw2 I dont think.

[vampire-sugar]

Again not at all related to QOTD but related to stuff i see under the tags that’s been bothering me a lot. I was originally gonna send this as an ask but it might potentially not get answered so just gonna post. It’s in relation to this answered ask which i sent and just wanted to be more clear in what i meant. https://www.tumblr.com/nalyra-dreaming/742009291203035136/hey-i-originally-sent-this-ask-to-virginia-bc-a

@nalyra-dreaming Thanks for answering, and I’m gonna come off anon bc I think it’s more transparent that way, only was on anon bc didnt want to be potentially blocked and not see a response. Just wanna clear some things up. I did not read all the books, just the first couple and working my way up, but im aware of what happens bc idc ab spoilers etc. Also I like Loustat, i like jam I listen to the podcasts read the interviews etc etc so im aware of the things u might think that I’m not aware of. I know the characters are still the same, I know we’re gonna get revisits and personally I’m excited for them I love shows/movies where there’s a shift in perspective I think it’s so fun. However I do think they gotta be careful when doing the revisits bc some things would be problematic/racist, and I have read your rant which is why I say that you agree w this. You also agree with this in your response. What I’m confused about thooo is the contradiction in both your rant and your response to me where you say that “ if I‘m going to see anyone scream “bad writing“ or “Louis being made a liar or the memories revisited/changed is racism“ when the changes will hit I‘m just gonna block you.” And then say that it has nothing to do with the problematic directions the show could take to the revisits “because there are many traps there to consider because of the racial change”. And then say “but it’s not bad writing, or racism, if and when these things happen”. I don’t understand, what is it then? Or maybe we disagree about what would actually be a problematic way to revisit ep5? Would something have to be super explicitly racist for it to be considered problematic or bad?

As for listening to the Black cast and creators, I do and I agree with them as well? Jacob says Louis lies and I didn’t need him to say that for me to see it already in s1 like Louis’ lies ab tbe extent in which Claudia resented him, how much he loved Lestat to the point of not being able to kill him etc. I’m literally saying if he lies ab the ABUSE it would be badddd which is why I don’t think they’ll go that way, even if Louis lying ab things is canon (+++ how are things being canon suddenly an argument for why they wouldn’t be bad if adapted in the show??).

And then the other anon saying “why would it be bad if Lily was shady anyone of any race can be a villain” bruhh like what evils could she have committed to deserve death? (stealing and killing from her clients like the prostitutes in the book who lestat feels justified in killing? she’s a Black sex worker in 1910 New Orleans the show opens with Bricks literally being assaulted by a client if she had killed him I would have cheered so idk what would make lily evil enough to have deserved death that’s what i mean by thatt which is also another example of something being canon still being bad)

Also I realize the way I phrased my ask made it seem like I think the making fun of wanting jassad is weird bc it’s mean or something, which is not at all why I think it’s weird. Ppl specifically making fun of wanting to see two poc who are an important pairing in the show be paired in promos as well, that’s the weird part.

And I did not say at all that I think they’re gonna be wholesome bc they are POC, the fuck? Why did you have to do all that when discussing the jassad part of my comment? That’s also very weird. Like I know who Armand is and what he does, that doesn’t mean that I will stop being excited that the ppl playing the part are POC and no longer want to see them on my screen or do promos together…. I’m excited to see all that stuff play outtttttttt….. y am i supposed to only be excited for loustat…..?

As for the comments you got on your fic, I personally did not read your fic but I’m sure you write v well and I’m assuming the comments are super hurtful and unnecessary and things like “kys”, which I find the casual use of in online spaces in general very weird so I’m genuinely sorry that you received that in your inbox. However I’m talking about how even getting just a “hey that’s racist” would also be not a great thing to receive like no one wants to be called that. Getting anything negative at all in the inbox is not great so getting even wilder stuff is very hurtful, I get that, which is why I’m trying hard not to come off in any type of way that would suggest that. People saying I’m tired of this discourse, plz know this is in response to your rant as well as a lot of the asks ab the jassad pairing, not just for discourse’s sake. Personally, I think it’s important and interesting to discuss how changes in certain characters’ races could affect the story moving forward, and I like that you talk ab your theories for how they will adapt s2 that stuff is fun and very fandom like behavior. But when ppl point out that some things won’t work bc of the race (which again u agree w in ur rant + ur response) u talk ab how some fans who say this pair it w hurtful language and then by dismissing the hurtful language you dismiss the notion that the suggestion would be racist or problematic in the first place which is very contradictory. But I guess since I have not read all of Anne Rice’s work my opinion ain’t shit.

[doomzday-zone]

sighsss see like......... idk. i hink its more of a moral thing than like, having actual evidence for it. and also i think its people also giving William a lot of the benefit of the doubt, considering we dont actually see what evens death does to william thru his eyes, personally. hut still smth abt this conclusion just doesnt !!!! sit right with me !!

first even if we dont see it from williams eyes i do still think his actions can be very telling as well..? and i just cant recall any precedent being set about..... williams remorse....or guilt orrr grief or whatever? like i just don't think thats a part of him we see in the games. so when people put that onto him it just feels like.... like WHERE did this come from 🤨 ?

whereas we HAVE seen. williams egotism..... and even disregarding the stuff we get that more evidently reflects this even just looking at his actions earlier in the series yknow???? yknow????? and i think its just, more likely of a thing to...... put in that. like slot ig if that makes sense . like it makes marginally more sense to attribute his child resurrections to the ego r whatever of it than anything else.

but also its just likeeee !!! like we'll probably never really get a clear cut THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WILLIAM AFTON THOUGHT AND FELT ABOUT THIS EVENT: (and this is excluding the books since i havent read the big novels so i cant say anything particular about his characterization there) yknow what i kean though???? well jever REALLY KNOW the kind of impact evans death had on william to the T. i can just say for certain its just really off to me......

AND. NOT TO MAKE THIS ABOUT MOVIE AFTON but i think this also proves my thoughts abt him???? like literally all of them?????? wr never ONCE see him like wracked by guilt and while we dont get an EXACT motivation for killing ppl i like .

like people r so obsessed with figuring out EXACTLY whats wrong with him and EXACTLY this and that that i think people miss the point. Severely. much like in real life its not as simple as, 'well this thing happened to them so this is why their evil!' people are EXTREMELY. EXTREMELY NUANCED AND COMPLICATED. and again WELL MIST LIKELY NEVER GET AN EXACT REASON WHY HES LIKE THIS. AND I DONT THINK WE NEED TO AND tbh i think itd probably make him less realistic and compelling.

William Afton is a serial killer, hes a serial killer who murders children. he does not need a deep psychoanalysis n whatever shit, again like REAL LIFE SERIAL KILLERS theres no looking at everything and pining smth down for sure you cant. you cant truly comprehend someone like that, theres a million possible reasons why william could be like this, and while no. i dont think he was just capital e Evil brok the day he was born the fact of the matter is we dont have enough info about him BEFORE all of this to be sure.

i think the most likely scenario is that it was a slow incline, its possible he killed small animals before this perhaps in his youth, maybe he accidentally killed someone and it pushed him even further down this path. obviously he didnt just Become this one day, it was most likely a long time coming. again: Normal Well Adjusted Individuals Dont Just Start Serial Murdering Children <3333

and like....... yea...... just. yea....... i dont think its a totally unreasonable conclusion to make. i just dont think its really correct or the Most reasonable all considering.

i just think like, obv we didnt get a true backstory for william afton, there are bits of him we just will not understand and arent relevant to the story at hand, there IS a reason why we dont see further back for him. and ik this might be hard to grasp in a fandom where 95% of everyone tries to piece everything together PERFECTLY to find the FULL TRUE 100% SOLVED answer. but thats just? not the point of fnaf, like in general? i mean if it was we would have a more conclusive timeline wouldnt we? and i just think this is also encapsulated in william afton himself.

my onion 🧅

[rubyprototype]

Infinite thing™️ idk how to start actually saying:

Probably will turn into rambles! I just like him a lot and think about how his story is shown to us;

I don't think he ever had like a 'normal' childhood, or life for that matter. Considering he had a squad composed of the same species as him, who look very similar to him;

(sorry jackal fans I do NOT think they would all realistically look near exactly the same unless they were related, like look at the differences between the hedgehogs).

I think he was born into this, maybe not born into being a mercenary but at the very least he was born into being nomadic. But at one point or another it either became unviable ; or people got greedy and wanted to try for more, thus leading them to be mercenaries.

I think it's safe to say that he very clearly already didn't like the world, due to being raised oddly. (even if he wasn't, you don't just become a mercenary for fun; they needed money for some reason), so when he views his idealized version of the world and it's literally a barren wasteland..

I don't view it as inherently just for like. Evil purposes. (Though I'm not denying him being evil, he very clearly is)

The point I'm getting at is when this comic released and I kept seeing people be like "oh i can't believe he just left his squad-" HE DIDNT..... okay.... and this line specifically kinda tells you that.

They say "Don't be tempted, we'll be fine" OKAY. So the worry here, is that they WILL die. He doesn't want that! Why would he? What Infinite's being given right now, in his eyes, is ultimate power, and the insured safety of his squad. Sounds like a win-win on his part? And there isn't much room to negotiate.

People comment on this panel a lot; where he's seemingly nonchalant,

But I imagine it's him partially playing to cool, as to not worry his squad, or seem too desperate to Eggman. He believes what he's saying here; as established he doesn't like the world as is. Again, win-win situation. He didn't "ditch his squad" he saw a way to protect them and be given power the world literally has never seen....

That's also why I really hate the weak jokes people make about him, after taking a risky move he couldn't avoid, his entire squad gets killed off, then he is immediately told to 'clean up the mess they made' and go fight THE GUY who killed them

He literally says they're ANNIHILATED. Infinite does not get time to grapple with this at all before he's told

That his squad was USELESS. His family was USELESS. And now he has to face the person who killed annihilated them, without a second to process; and then after being beaten by THE ULTIMATE LIFEFORM. Is instead, spared, called weak, then told to never show his face again. His breakdown wasn't "Wash shadow called me weak :(" his breakdown was, "my entire family was just killed by this guy and now he has the audacity to call me weak, and then he's upset because, to him, he IS being weak.

He is THE ULTIMARE MERCENARY !!!! He did not expect the right to go the way it did, shadow literally teleported around him... with a title like that he had to be extremely skilled, and with the jumps he does in Episode Shadow right before the fight, I'm willing to believe that!

Fear clearly isn't an emotion he's used to feeling, and with his family dead, and his pride crushed now, it stacked and led into his breakdown. The rest of Episode Shadow is literally him talking about how he 'threw away his old self', the one who couldn't hold his own, who couldn't save the people he cared about. And, with nothing left to care about; he continues on with the war plans.....

I started rambling I simply think it's unfair to say he 'ditched' his squad, and it's unfair to just call him weak for a haha funny because he literally. Isn't? And never was in any capacity. And when people reduce him down to just 'guy who hates being called weak' it really just ignores all the interesting tidbits he does have, and that forces DID get to show us... even with minimum digging he has a personality that reaches beyond how I see him often portrayed.... he is so cool and I love him so much thanks

(I don't feel like putting a DNI on this but be normal....... thanks....)

[arkhavens]

a brief intro to my(developed) swtor toons alongside what tma entity they would serve+why

Orion Caesus-Kallig

Mostly human, DS Sith Inquisitor, Lightning Sorc, absolutely batshit crazy mad scientist man i love you<33, scary smart but entirely willing to let people underestimate him in that regard. im hovering somewhere between end, eye, and extinction for him. the end is the obvious one for any inquis tbh, given that its all about both literal and metephorical endings(death, ghosts/spirits, abandonment, silence, etc). Eye as well is incredibly on the nose for any inquisitor, with it being mainly knowledge(knowing+being known, being watched, secrets, etc). Exinction is the most interesting one for him, and the one im leaning towards the most. Considering the inquis is literally remade i think twice over the course of the story, technically being part bug bc of the balmorra mission, and technically being part rakata bc of the mother machine, the whole Massive change/ Something Other thing really fits him. and personally idk why but ive always associated the extinction w/ lightning and smog which is just really fun for a ds lightning sorc

Athanasius(full/actual name pending lol)

Sith Pureblood, LS/Neutral Sith Warrior, allowed himself one(1) moment of insanity[befriending orion], the only one of my swtor characters that is even remotely chill. on a line between hunt and buried for him. on one hand, literally HUNTS down enemies of the empire, and was baras' assassin for the duration of his apprenticeship. on the other, has nearly gotten buried alive so many times, the immense pressure of being unwillingly thrust into the position of Emperor's Wrath. im settling on a mix of both for him but really it could go either way.

Tsali Aluin

Mirialan, DS Jedi Consular, sneaky little cunt, hes so tall so he can fit more horrors inside of himself, evil bastard jedi the beloved<3, has managed to trick the entire council into thinking hes mostly a good person, is ABSOLUTELY NOT, is at a point in his life where hes honestly just seeing exactly how blatantly evil he can be before they notice. web/slaughter 110%. manipulative, a bitch, kills people just to get away with it.

Zalos Kahe

Togruta, Neutral/DS Jedi Knight. had a major fall from grace, wanted to be good So Badly and tried So Hard but being steeped in the darkside and having the literal sith emperor in ur head for 6months leaves a MARK. after that whole Thing™️, he's so So angry at everything, and the council only seems to acknowledge him when They need something of him, and Scourge is right there saying everything he "needs" to hear. mans didnt just fall he lept off a cliff. definitely Desolation/slaughter. The burning rage, everything he lost/had ripped away vs being forced for months to kill and kill and Kill, and then once youve broken free of that control still turning to that violence because with everything stripped away its the one thing thats still familiar.

[divinerivals]

I would love to hear your thoughts on Silver Flames!

Buckle up babes long ass response coming in.

*this gets ranty and I'm sorry!!. Excuse any typos or errors. I don't have my glasses on lol.*

So my controversial hot take about acosf, is that thanks to fan works (headcanons, theories, fanfic,etc) we all get these notions in our heads of how characters should be. When in actual reality they're just not like that. Everyone believed Nesta would be this all powerful bad bitch lady death. When in truth she never wanted power. Ever. All she wanted was to make the Cauldron pay. She never wanted magic in the first place. Even when she had it. She didnt care for it. Didnt care for what it did and how it took her over. In the end losing her magic didn't really matter. It's not like Aelin who loved her fire and missed it when it was gone. Nesta felt like her magic was a burden. And was grateful it was gone. I do think fmcs who love their powers should keep not lose them. But when they don't want it. When it scares them, they don't care for it whatever the case maybe then they should lose it. Nesta just wants cake, books, and sex no suffering magic required honestly good for her.

The same can be said for Cassian. Thanks to all the fan works we all believed he'd go to bat (pun intended) for her against Rhys and the IC and it rarely happened. Whenever it did, it barely lasted. I was waiting when Rhys told him to get Nesta out of Velaris or he'd kill her. I was waiting for Cassian to do something. What'd he do? Force Nesta to go on hike. Sir that's your mate. DEFEND HER. Tell Rhys for her sake you will but the next he threatens Nesta over something he shouldn't hide from Feyre will be the last. Get Nesta out and talk with her. Don't be dick cause Rhys says so.

Speaking of Rhys. Alot of people were unhappy with how he was portrayed in acosf. I wasn't. Doesn't mean he didn't piss me off. But I think for Manu the rose colored glasses came off. Acotar- acofas we view Rhys through the Feyre lens. So yeah especially acomaf and acowar we see him in a loving, caring sense. In Feyres eyes once she falls for him Rhys can literally do no wrong. As readers we believe it. It's why so many fell for Tam in book 1. But now in acosf we get him. The real un mate side of Rhys. We see the High Lord version. We see him through Cassian and Nesta’s eyes and it's not the best look.

The other issue I've noticed with Acotar fans and the hate is how slow and lore based it is. Yes, I agree that there's some parts of the book that are. So. Fucking. Slow. I just wanted to those parts to be done with it. The other side, the lore. For readers looking for smut and a little plot acotar is great. You don't have to think to much on the world and the lore it's only a sprinkle to move the story along. Nothing like tog or cc. Now with the crossover we needed a book with all this information to make it fit and have it make sense. And acosf became that book. For anyone who wasn't anticipating a heavy book this was a huge surprise. And kind of a snoozefest. Even when I first read it I was so happy to have this information but given what he know of acotar why Is it needed? Then hosab came out and it made sense.

Personally, I didn't think it was bad. I enjoyed myself while reading. I was disappointed we didn't get all those bodily fluids that Sarah claimed we'd get. Yeah, there was a little, but idk she made it seem like a lot more.

The intervention in the beginning pissed me off. The only people that should've been there were Feyre, Elain, and maybe Cassian. I know as someone who cares about her and is her mate he should he but in the same breath the topic of Cassian is very touchy to Nesta in that moment. So I think where he's considered it's a eh thing. Rhys would be the only other exception because it's his money she's been spending. But he should stfu and let Feyre handle it.

I don't like Mor. She pissed me off entirely throughout the book. Same as Amren. I use to like Amren alot. But this book made me turn off of her. Despite all of the growing Nesta does the only way she accepts and forgives Nesta is when Nesta grovels and kisses her hand??? Fuck right off.

Generally I loved all the lore, loved/hated seeing Rhys from a different pov, adored Nesta’s journey even her giving up her magic. I loved seeing Nesta form her bonds with Gwyn, Emerie and Azriel. Just wished Cassian stepped it up in the defending Nesta Archeron department.

I honestly think what I love about it. People hated lmao.

[menalez]

i feel so bad for you with the callouts about you faking being a lesbian bc of posts you made when you were a young teen

i just found writing from when iw was 12 of me pretending to like men and it hurts so much and its so fucking stupid it was kind of like your old posts at least it was completely private

the way it was written was like me trying to force myself to feel those ways and i even remember researching like most attractive man ever to try and find a guy to act like i was attracted to all while looking at them and feeling nothing at all... and id search for like hours trying to find a boy that i felt anyting for to pretend to wajt as a boyfriend.... i never even found one! my friend told me maybe i was 'aesthetically gay'when i was like "soo im totally straight but i do not find any men attractive at all"

i just have no idea how i didnt realize earlier i wasnt attracted to men with all that bfjdmfjd

i feel u 😭 the wildest part is that post was made to paint a certain image. there’s no emphasis on the posts being primarily from 2013-2014. nothing highlighting the fact that i was literally like 14-16 in ALL of the posts (and that the person who was calling me out is calling 15 year old me a whore / slut for what r obviously jokes. if i as a 15 year old managed to have sex 500 times with 420 men while in an long distance “relationship”… wouldn’t that be indicative of something rly insidious? like they’re obviously not legitimate numbers & were me exaggerating ridiculously bc i didn’t want to answer such questions. i didn’t know if my rapist / rape counted. i was dissociated through a lot of it). the wildest part is she intentionally ignored all the posts highlighting what ive been saying: i was literally on substances a lot of the time when in that guy’s vicinity. i considered him a friend and didn’t want a relationship but then gave in after he kept insisting we were together & facing other pressure and he was giving me substances to get my guard down & be able to do things to me. i even made posts back then saying “idk if i like guys at all or if im into girls or if i like anyone” and talking about how i don’t understand attraction and don’t feel love. i talked about the guy making me cry all the time (& would then downplay it and act like i cry over everything) and there’s hints that i was attempting suicide and on sedatives the day our “relationship” started (which was the day he decided we were in a relationship. i repeatedly said i don’t want it) and drunk + had repeatedly tried to kill myself the day i lost my virginity (if that even counts. maybe the time i was raped is when i lost it? who knows.). and when asked why i won’t leave or when id defend him it’s almost always “he’s the only person who’s there for me” “im scared”… never “i love him” or “im attracted to him” or anything of the sort. i was baffled going thru the blog bc i didn’t realise there were so many hints that it was unwanted. etc etc etc. no wonder when i finally ended it and refused to back down (had to do it repeatedly for like 6 months) he immediately said “is it bc you’re a lesbian?” 😐.

also yeah sadly the only diff between me and the Real Lesbians trying to argue im lying about my sexuality is that their closeted shenanigans isnt available for everyone to look at and analyse and pick apart. their trauma isn’t there on display for people to call them liars and partake in abuse apologism with. but this whole thing has only confirmed to me that my truth remains my truth & my story. it was pretty upsetting seeing how i was somehow so aware of my lack of attraction to men but so in denial of it at the same time. and it made me realise that that whole portion of my life might’ve been even worse than i remembered. i remember the suicide attempts but i didn’t realise how often i was out of it.

ALSO anon that’s such a mood. i did a lot of the same stuff 💀

[iwillbecomealawyer]

gonna babble and list down all the reasons why i love psychonauts 2 so far to OBLIVION

(warning: post contains major spoilers so i dont recommend continuing if you havent played the game. but also do not spoil if you have, since im still in the part where i reached where the psychic 6 resided)

1. raz being much more babey in this game, but also being just as capable and intelligent as last game

2. the game showing that raz CAN fuck up, learning his mistakes and making up for it

3. raz being such a good and respectful boi ;-; the way he talks to his grandma and the way he talks to lili knowing she was in a very vulnerable state,, his parents raised him so well

4. raz and lili basically switching places in pn2 where raz is being a complete stuttering mess and lili is the oblivious one (though this is mostly bc she was occupied with her dad so UNDERSTANDABLY so)

4. THE REALISTIC DEPICTION OF SIBLINGS OF THIS GAME GOOD LORD I LOVE IT

5. i mentioned this in my last post but after raz learns his lesson with hollis, he starts to ask for consent before going into someone’s mind

6. the seamless metaphors and symbolism to mental issues and healing

7. the fucking genius that is the panic attack foes..them being quick, ruthless enemies thats hard to catch up with unless you deliberately slow it down with the time bubble ability. it also has the ability to multiply; symbolizing that the person struggling cannot tell what is real of what is fake. idk this enemy just really made me pause the game for a bit bc of sheer appreciation .. i i remember struggling with a panic attack fight and even i felt overwhelmed

8. raz having a change of heart from killing animals from pn1, and pets them in pn2; him also constantly making apologetic remarks when he does is so funny

9. the whole segment of raz finding out lucy was pretending to be his grandma and it being ford’s fault. the way he felt betrayed, hurt, and angry; and how it hurt even more so when raz idolized him, and considered him a friend bc of what they went through together in pn1. the strength raz had to say that ford fucked up his entire family, and its all his fault. UGH. cinema

10. raz’s char arc being absolutely stellar in this game!!??! we got to know more about him, the family ‘curse’, and how he grew. im so damn proud of him i feel like a loud mom cheering her kid’s name when they get up onstage for graduation

11. raz’s family. period

12. gameplay being fun as fuck with thought compelling puzzles with a balance of forgiveness if youre being a dumbass,, im not a gamer by any means but i found myself playing for 10 hours straight and each time i come back im having the time of my life and never wanna put the controller down. im rank 60 ffs

13. i theorized that the minds we were gonna go through this game were the psychic 6 and while that DID end up being the case, they did it in such a smooth way that fit the narrative that didnt just feel like a ‘checklist; do this and save the world’ feeling, it was closely tied to the narrative and it wasnt a linear process. its so good

14. music is obviously a given i literally have no words i find myself staying in one place in each world just to dwell in the music

15. the ENTIRETY of psi king’s mind. definition of gorgeous

16. psi king’s segment where we find out his band members were the psychic six and where we slowly get to put the pieces together and find out he’s actually helmut fullbear. the moment we got to witness where he slowly unravels his doubts about his friends and himself with raz helping

16. speaking of psi king: jack black. thats it

17. SPEAKING OF PSI KING AGAIN: LGBT REP!!!!

18. milla’s full name being camilla and it being revealed that sasha accidentally mispronounced her name to ‘mia’ and decided to remain it that way bc she thought it was rly cute

19. the moments in this game having the perfect balance of heartwarming, hilarious, and foreboding. early on in the game i was like ‘huh i was expecting something a lil darker to bring to the table but i can understand this!’ but i was wrong. i was so. fucking wrong. i had my jaw dropped in the lucy nona reveal the entire time i was terrified. fantastic segment

20. as much as i struggled in compton’s mind i really loved the idea of his world bc 1. hes the first world we encounter the Judge enemy, since all he did was blame himself from what happened with lucy and the psychic 6 2. his world based off of hollis, truman and ford being the harsh judges and critics of his own mind and facing the constant pressure sinilar to a reality cooking show. its kind similar to gloria’s theater from pn1 in that regard, but definitely brings new and different ideas to the table

21. raz offering frazie to come with him to psychonauts hq as an intern to embrace her psychic powers and frazie considering it

22. raz being a good older brother to queepie

23. norma having a crush on raz’s fucking dad (idk if shes doing it to screw with raz or if she rly does but either way its SO FUNNY)

24. raz (depending if the player chooses to or not) bringing rare fungi for lili to make her feel better despite him knowing the truth about truman god these two are adorable

25. lili feeling terrible about truman and raz trying to sympathize w her saying he was pretty shit to his own father too (poor baby ;-;)

26. raz wanting the approval of nona :’) asking her if she wants anything to make her comfortable

27. the intense conversation between dion and raz

28. ford dropping this bomb on raz that there was no curse to begin with, and that the aquato curse was just a ruse for lucy to not go near water so maligula cant be awaken. jfc poor kid i actually cant believe that dialogue was optional

29. raz’s ’yoink!’ voice clip. baby

30. raz mentioning true psychic tales to any moment available ever

31. THE CASINO MISSION SEGMENT WITH THE INTERNS 💙💙💙💙

32. sam boole

33. oleander trying to make the death tanks against maligula without a budget

34. those two psychonuts members in the atrium talking about how sasha and milla are ’doing it’, with raz interjecting that theyre professionals and the members replying with ‘we meant yoga why what did you think we meant’ and raz being like ‘oh.’

35. that man and woman planning an affair in the entrance lobby of hq and the woman’s husband accepting and knowing about it

36. the clarification of psychonauts’ mission with hollis, on how their purpose is not to ‘fix’ people but to help fight the struggles they already have

37. the voice acting holy HELL the voice acting!!!! psychonauts 1 already had amazing va’ing but gOD everyone did amazing here; especially richard horvitz 

38. RAZ AND LILI IN NICK’S MIND THEYRE SO FUCKING FUNNY SJJKDJKSD (IM TYPING THIS AFTER I FINISHED THE WAVE OF ENEMIES BIT WHERE LILI PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTONS) raz being like ‘’ok yeah you finished pressing the wrong buttons so far’’ and lili being like ‘’JUST GET ON THE STUPID RIDE’’ IM FUCKGIN DYING

39. the player having the option to get rid of the background music in gristol’s mind and the reward being raz’s sigh of relief im actually fucking dying 

40. raz making up a code name for lili (’potato masher’) and lili liking it :)

aand thats it so far :)) this list will be updated the more i play or tidbits i remember

[yesimwriting]

YALL WHAT SHOULD I WRITE FIRST

Okay!! so both of these are coming at some point!! i have some requests i’ve been working on and i’ve also been working on my original novel (that i hope to get published one day) but i really want to start working on one of my fairytale retellings/AUs(technically not more AU than a regular fic lol)/whatever you want to call them. 

But i can’t pick which one to do first!! 

- Beauty and the Beast retelling 

-Darkling/General Kirigan x reader currently,, but i’m willing to listen to arguments for making this more SOC based and Kaz Brekker x reader, but i think the beauty and the beast theme works better for more SAB based story

- currently focuses on the reader agreeing to take someone’s place as General Kirigan’s prisoner/someone that has to work for him

- I think the plot is going to focus on the reader being a powerful grisha which is part of the reason he took her (like a strong heartrender that can manipulate emotions really precisely,, still unsure if i’d rather her be just human) 

- the reader is low key really impressed with the Little Palace bc she grew up in poverty but she’s trying really hard not to be 

- the (slight) AU part is that Kirigan needs someone of ‘pure heart’ to fall for the person beneath the darkness to unlock more power than ever bc of an ancient curse  (and the person of ‘pure heart’ is the reader bc she has no ulterior motive to like him)

- but then he’s like!! i like her--oh no i like her 

- i see Genya as mrs potts lowkey like she knows that Kirigan wants to win the reader’s love and she’s like trying to help lol 

- Alina lowkey hyping up their connection 

- Reader being all sunshiney and a sweetheart who is literally immune to Kirigan’s angst 

- enemies to lovers excellence 

- jealous kirigan,, jealous kirigan,,, jealous kirigan 

- protective boyfriend vibes wayyy before they start dating lmao 

- honestly a lot of acting cute together but still being like ‘i hate u’ 

- Anastasia retelling 

- Kaz Brekker x reader

-  based lowkey more on the musical than the disney movie (the only real difference in the musical is that someone thinks about killing Anastasia for the Russian revolution)

- the plot would focus on the return of annual rumors of a princess that might have survived a massacre at the palace 

- i would create my own country in the grishaverse for the reader to be the princess of so that i can give it the history i need for my story 

- so you know how in Anastasia Dimitri worked at the palace and he saved Anastasia?? my idea for this one is that the Dregs were hired to kill the royal family that the reader is a part of and bc of what he considers a lapse of judgement, Kaz helps the reader escape bc she was the youngest there and they had an interaction that like tugged at him

- anywayssss.... fast forward years later and Kaz is as hardened as he is in the SOC books, he thinks that the princess he helped died anyways bc he saw her run off in the wrong direction

- but!! the princess’s royal grandmother is still looking for her and this year she’s offering more kruge than ever for the return of her missing granddaughter

- Kaz runs into the reader after she tries to pickpocket him and when he realizes that she’s an orphan that looks enough like Anastasia (same hair color, same eye color, etc) with amnesia he’s like ‘it’s perfect’ 

- the reader is like ?? i don’t know any royal traditions or anything about the royal family,, and also im indentured to this guy who is not going to like this

- and Kaz is like don’t worry about that guy 

- the reader is like ?? don’t worry--

- and he’s like yeahh,, i’ll pull some strings (he’s not really pulling strings, he’s paying for her time but he would never tell the reader that bc it makes her seem valuable and no one wants their time ‘purchased’)

- and then princess training starts!! the reader has to study on family history through textbooks but she still has like no formal etiquette skills and Kaz is like ‘i have a merchling that was part of high society, he can teach you table manners’ 

- Wylan is like you have a what now?? and Kaz is like shut up

- the reader agrees obviously bc Kaz is like i could kill you,, you did try to steal from me, but he’s also like ‘if you’re made a princess you can pay off your indenture and the indentures of your friends’ 

- lots of the crows being best friends with the reader in this one 

- the reader is a gifted medic but touching blood makes her feel ill bc of trauma 

- im thinking of making her a tailor to explain why she brought in so much money for the people she worked for (because she could make herself look like anyone’s type) but im thinking that subplot might complicate things but i do want her to be grisha so maybe a squaller?? idk 

- throughout the story im going to have Kaz think about how he lowkey regrets letting the girl go at the beginning bc it’s an unfinished job technically and bc the family was evil and they did bad by their people 

- reader realizes that she’s been romanticizing this family and that theyre actually bad and she’d rather just stay with the crows 

- kaz realizes he wants the reader to stay 

- both being too prideful to say anything until the reader is like ‘screw it’ but before she can tell kaz (the night before her coronation) kaz is like pls tell me you don’t think you’re her and the reader is like i said i wouldn’t lie to you

- and kaz is genuinely considering killing her to like finish what was started and bc he really hates that family (i’ll explain why he hates the family in the fic lol)

- enemies to lovers bc it’s my favorite,,

-  a lot of everyone being confused on how the reader is allowed to get away with half the stuff kaz allows and then whenever anyone is like YALL ARE ACTING LIKE A COUPLE the reader is like ??this is just how i act? and everyones like YEAH BUT KAZ DOESNT LET PEOPLE ACT LIKE THAT 

- and kaz is like i literally dont know what ur talking about i yelled at her this morning,, i promise i did, it’s not my fault u didn’t see it--i totally yelle--

--

yall i lowkey want to write both of these NOW but i need to learn impulse control pls,, help lol

AND I DIDNT EVEN TELL YALL ABOUT MY TANGLED  OR HADES&PERSEPHONE RETELLING IDEAS MUAHAHAHA PLS SOMEONE MAKE ME STOP IM SUCH A SIMP FOR RETELLINGS 

[maschotch]

Random ask but I was just thinking about how weird it was that hotch didn't immediatly call Hailey and tell her and Jack to get out of the mall in that one episode were a bomb was going to go off? (2×10) he did eventually but it always struck me as odd that he needed Derek to tell him to do it... such a big part of him is how protective he is of everyone around him and I feel like that should be even stronger with Jack, but it collides with his sense of justice and faith in the system and rules, so he hesitates, even when it could mean Hailey and Jack die in that mall. It would make sense if his sense of duty combated with his protectivness, but in episodes later he expressly breaks protocol repeatedly to help members of the team. He goes so far as to say "I don't care about protocol" when Garcia is shot, but it happens with Emily in minimal loss, Rossi, reid, ect. He breaks protocol to protect them repeatedly, it seems so strange and inconsistent that he wouldn't do the same for his son, who he loves more than anything.

I'd like to say it was a one off thing but it happens again in amplification when he tells jj not to call will and Henry. Same situation. I know jj was annoying in that episode but it was the same dilemma were she's in a position to save her families life and hotch is firmly against her taking any action. Another time he tells Emily that "this is the job, and I need to know you can be objective" when she considers adopting a foster girl... idk it might be the writers fucking up his character [again] but he does some things that are very protective of Jack but in other ways is more protective of his team than his son. It just doesn't make sense with his values, he may place too much importance on the job sometimes but at the cost of his sons life? At the cost of haileys? Eventually he does break protocol in 100. He literally kills someone to protect Jack, which I like to think is him learning in some weird way, but I also think it might be a bit of a mischaracterization on what hotch shows his values really are. Thoughts?

hmmm i dont really think its mischaracterization as much as its his conflict with different values. he’s protective, sure, but he values JusticeTM more. which is why in lessons learned/amplification, he knows its wrong to reach out to warn his family because its not fair to others who share equal risk.

but i dont think thats necessarily contradictory to his resolve to catch garcia’s shooter in penelope. its focusing on one case, but its a different circumstance than only certain people who may be in danger, if that makes sense? i guess you could argue theyre sacrificing time they could be so ending solving some other crimes, but its not as explicitly unfair as giving one person a warning and leaving everyone else to chance. idk if im really explaining it right akdhskdh but i dont think you can judge both situations equally

over time, i think he starts to prioritize protecting people he cares about over protocol, and i think that has a lot to do with the way 100 played out. he knew he would be under scrutiny with the foyet case, and he needed to let someone else make as many of the decisions as possible, well aware of how strauss would try to twist this around and pin whatever happened on him. so hotch let derek make a lot of the calls that day. and i mean… hotch respects and trusts derek, which is why he went along with him even if he disagreed (like when to burst into foyets apartment). but ultimately derek was wrong and that precious time they wasted waiting mightve been enough to save haley if hotch didnt have to wait on someone else’s decision. hotch doesnt blame morgan, but i think he blames himself for hesitating when he knew he shouldnt have

after that, we see hotch take a lot more risks when trying to protect people he cares about when they’re in danger. faking emily’s death without telling any of his superiors, defying the director’s orders and continuing to dig into jj’s secret work, etc. he’s had this running conflict throughout the show between family and work… he’s lost his family family by now, so now he’ll do anything he can to keep his work family safe. his dedicated adherence to rules and regulation slips away as he realizes he doesnt want to live with regrets just because he was worried about following orders

but again, i think the lessons learned/amplification circumstance is different. im not sure if post100 hotch would make a different decision… bc its not just “putting my family above protocol” anymore, now its “putting my family above other people’s families” and thats a line im not sure he’s crossed yet.

akxhakhd anyway i dont really think its a mischaracterization of hotch’s values. i think its an adjustment of his values as he goes through these different tragedies and tries to figure out how far he’s willing to go to save the people he cares about. for the others, like derek and emily, its not really a question bc to them nothing matters more than protecting people they love (or protocol matters so little that its not even a concern, in emily’s case) but w hotch its a little more complicated

[practicallyliving]

doa verdict- spoilers after cut

dude what

in terms of character/relationship development this was my fave book of phase 2: loved every moment between val and militsa, val and skul and val and tanith and even val and fletcher (even though he’s in it for 2 seconds then disappears for the entire rest of the book lol).

I even got a little more invested in omen’s story in this book, which is something that the last few totally failed to achieve. only a little, though- I still found myself skimming through some of his pages towards the end. idk the whole school kids thing just doesn't really interest me, anyone else? and also DL switching never’s pronouns literally MID FUCKING SENTENCE will never not annoy me. just use they/them when you aren't sure bro I promise it’s not that hard 

the trend in earlier books of phase 2 that really irked me was val and skul splitting up for huge chunks of the books, and im glad that didn't happen in this one. they will forever be my 2 faves so seeing them interact and have their little moments together was great and really reminiscent of phase 1. val seems so much better by this book, too, so it’s nice to see remnants of her old personality shine through. this book had me actually laughing out loud in parts, which hasn’t happened since, like, tlsodm. 

the story, however, is getting so weird that it’s really hard to follow everything that happens. the time travel thing was so so exciting until it basically just turned into liebniz 2.0- don't even get me started on the harpy thing- and I really just.... miss china sorrows?? where is she?? give her back to me??????? hopefully she plays a bigger role in the next book now that she's finally awake cos her feature in this book was literally blink-and-you-miss-it (excluding that fucking weirdness in the future). cadaver cain gave me feelings and I don't even know what those feelings were. I loved it until he went into all that seeing the future and praising evil gods thing. I get that skul would go totally off the deep end when he lost val but....  like, he already has vile to turn into, so maybe he should've just left it at that instead of making himself ANOTHER alter ego. they could populate a new dimension with other versions of themselves at this point. when will it end? 

I hope Sebastian’s doing well with baby Darquesse because I honestly stopped caring enough to read those chapters by the end. I assumed she might be coming back as the child of the ancients to fight Alice (somehow??????) or something like that but I've totally lost it now and just. hope they're happy and stuff. wishing you well but stay away from me. let me know if you start being actually important any time soon. 

my biggest gripe from this book though is the coda thing. I wish coda had a better storyline than basically just being caelan 2.0. he’d been built up from the previous books and I was actually so excited to meet him and he just ... had one single interaction with val then turned psycho and got himself killed? I feel like his plan towards the end was something derek maybe wanted to flesh out for the originally-planned 9 books but had to cut when they shortened the length of phase 2 (which, I wish they hadn't if only because it’s gonna suck seeing him attempt to tie up ALLLLL these loose ends in one [1] single book). idk it just felt a little pointless even bringing him at all considering all he ended up contributing was (technically) breaking val and militsa up. I just... was really looking forward to his storyline and idek why cos he was mentioned like 3 times and I should've known that

val ending up just saying fuck it and becoming the child of the faceless was genuinely unexpected so im super interested to see where that goes (also SUPER FUCKING GLAD SHE DIDNT TURN INTO A FUCKING HARPY WHAT THE DAMN HELL). I was worried about her becoming the child of the faceless because I didn't want to just see a Darquesse round 2 thing where she gives in to another dark side and everyone has to team up against her. but, hopefully that won't happen and he’ll do it well. I have hope (even though up to now 99% of new plots/characters have been alarmingly similar to old ones).

final gripe- SORRY BUT WHERE THE HELL WERE SERPINE AND VEX? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE SHIT THAT HAPPENED MERE MONTHS PRIOR IN SOW? I was hoping for a whole thing about val growing back serpine’s hand, maybe some angst from vex about rue’s death or maybe just some general badassery from them, or even a simple mention. but no, nothing. hopefully one or both of them appear in the final book. who knows. probably not.guess we’ll see next year.

I literally haven't made noise in this fandom since like 2014 but the hype over doa has literally brought me back from the ashes. keen to hear everyone else’s thoughts on the new book, too, so feel free to hmu with those. this was accidentally the longest post ever I guess I had more feelings than I thought I did about doa. 

tl;dr..... dude what

[sortasirius]

“Destiny’s Child” and the Destiny of...Them

So that was..........A Lot.

Liked A LOT about it, a lot more than a usually do with Buckleming, but uh, some issues.  Eugenie didn’t really need to bring up Busty Asian Beauties, that had gone and we didn’t need more of it.  And I hate any mention of John Winchester that is positive, whether it’s in an AU or hammering home how poor of a father he is, but other than some details, this was a wild ride that I mostly enjoyed and have a lot to talk about.  They certainly crammed a lot in there.

Starting from literally the very beginning, they’re hitting us with some sick parallels in the “Then” portion of the episode.  Listen, y’all know me.  Y’all know I am.......Not A Fan of M*g or M******l, I am, however a Rachel Miner stan, so when the “Then” started out with the pizza man and the cringy kiss from “Caged Heat” I sorta rolled my eyes but held out hope for a Rachel cameo bc I.....lov her.  But then.............”I learned that from the pizza man” is compared directly with Dean being mistaken for a pizza man?  And then eating pizza in like 20 different scenes?  Could the production be louder???????  There is, in my opinion, literally no other way to take that, that was a sequence that basically said “Dean taught Cas how to kiss” and I will not be accepting dissenting opinions at this time.

Also AU Sam and Dean were so dumb and I appreciated their stupid Fiat and the song that played when they got out of the car, thanks Amyn, I appreciate you dawg.  And then Sam and Dean explaining it to Cas?  Thanks base gods.

Cas was so fucking sassy in this ep and I......love him so much.

The idea of killing Amara is interesting, mostly because it brings her into play again, we saw in the beginning of the season that she just....doesn’t give a fuck about any of this, but the boys don’t know that, so maybe she’ll become an ally?  Idk, here’s hoping.  I miss her.

And when Cas and Dean have this exchange about the occultum:

“It was housed for hundreds of years in an ancient before it was-”

“Plundered by pirates!”

“No-”

“It was...dug up by tomb raiders!”

“No.”

“It was...seized by the king of the dead and his warlords amiclose?”

“Looted by invading mongol hoardes for trade on the black-”

“Black market, yeah I was gonna say that next, that was the next one.”

Like.....can y’all say MARRIED?  Anyway.

Danneel and Gen???  Together???  Ruby and Sister Jo????  Together???? I’m gay.

I’m SUPER interested in the convo that Jack and Cas have in the kitchen, specifically about Dean:

“Will he ever forgive me?”

“You know, Dean...he feels things more acutely than any human I’ve ever known.  So, it’s possible he could work through this.  One day he may explode, let it all out, breathe deeply and move on.”

“How long will that take?”

“I don’t know.”

Can we say PARALLELS fam??  First of all, Cas is so in tune with Dean, he knows him so well, knows how much he cares how deeply he loves.  Honestly it causes me chest pains to think about it for too long.  But Cas knows this because he just went through it, Dean “couldn’t forgive” and “couldn’t move on” until he had an Outburst in Purgatory and begged asked Cas to forgive him for how he acted.  It’s an interesting parallel because it isn’t a direct parallel: Dean was the one that asked forgiveness of Cas, not the other way around.  It’s a little detail, but at this point every little detail seems to be important down the road.

Also there were a lot of Looks between Dean and Cas and they were all soft and I gtg

And then we get the big mention: the first mention of Cas’ deal since last season.  I knew the writers wouldn’t just write this plotline off, and Cas is, “far from happy” as he says himself.  So.....not to clown.....but if getting Jack back doesn’t make him happy............what does? (I think we know)

And then Cas in the Empty, looking for Ruby, and runs into “Meg” (Rachel I missed u).  And I think it’s fascinating that the Empty appeared as Meg specifically.  The Empty knows Cas, of course, but, more specifically, the Empty knows EVERYTHING about Cas.  “I know who you love, what you fear.”  And the Empty appears to Cas as someone that he TRUSTED, not as someone that he loved.  It’s an important distinction, because if the Empty wanted to appear as something that would RATTLE Cas, it would appear as someone that he loved or hated, but he trusted Meg, that’s why it appeared to him as her.

Also, “go get her, pizza man” after that intro?  Really just hammering home that Dean is the pizza man with all the subtlety of an elephant imho.

Also Concerned Husband Dean is alive and well, he doesn’t even hesitate, he makes Jack bring Cas back immediately, important information be damned.

But before Cas leaves, Empty!Meg says something that should NOT be glossed over, about Death’s plan to defeat Chuck, “Funny thing about her plan though, she didnt say anything about needing you.”

How many times have we heard this this season?  How many times has Cas occupied the negative space?  “No one mentions Cas,” the loudness of his absence after the breakup, when he was kidnapped by Leviathan in Purgatory, not being mentioned in Billie’s plan, and now? Fret not my friends, I know so many people are worried about Cas, but Andrew Dabb is a Cas stan first and a human second, and all of these mentions or lack thereof of Cas being a part of the endgame?  It just makes him all the more important, because he’s a surprise attack, Chuck never sees him coming because he doesn’t consider him important.

And when Cas comes back and Dean calls him an idiot?  Some serious callbacks to one of the gayest episodes and one of my personal faves: “Lily Sunder has Some Regrets.”  They be married.

AU Sam and Dean were very wrong and I did not wike it and that’s that on that tbh.

So they get to the church, Sam holds the door against the hellhounds like the badass boy he is, and Dean and Cas really do just stand exactly where a couple getting married would stand, with Jack standing where the officiant would stand.  I mean.....it’s LOUD.  It’s just real LOUD in here.  Also pretty fucking ON THE NOSE that Jack stands in front of Jesus, Cas in front of Mary, and Dean in front of Joseph.  I’m not qualified to do religious iconography meta but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh come on now.

That snake sequence...Jack’s life flashing before his eyes before he gets his soul back?  Ya boi weeps.  Buckleming had no right to write something as amazing as Jack’s snake sequence and final scene, it shouldn’t be allowed and it was not what I was expecting.

So.....there was a lot happening in this episode but, y’all know I sound like a broken record here, Dean and Cas were, once again, the overwhelming and blatant focal point.  Sure I watch with my eyes tuned to them especially, but they’re really cranking up the volume over here.  The Empty deal is back and unresolved, Cas talks to Jack about Dean’s forgiveness, Dean’s fearful when he thinks he’s lost Cas again, the fucking pizza man.  It all points one direction.

[camelely]

TFATWS Spoilers under the cut

Literally the following is my thoughts and opinions, and there are probably some unpopular opinions lol. It's kinda really long lol.

Starting with some positives.

I loved how the two leads had storylines that mirrored each other. Sam needed to become Captain America and gain a title and Bucky needed to move on from The Winter Solider and loose a title.

Sam. Just Sam I loved him before but now I love him more.

Sam becoming Cap.

I loved Isaiah and his story.

I loved Sam's family, how they welcomed Bucky and the struggles Sarah had.

I really liked how they spent time with both Sam and Bucky and didn't forget the show was supposed to be about both of them. Often times shows tend to lean into the more popular or fan favorite lead and this show didn't do that. When Sam took center it felt natural and when Bucky took center it felt natural.

The Wakandans were great. I love Ayo and her friendship with Bucky.

Zemo was fine and fun enough.

John Walker was incredibly done. Wyatt Russell did an amazing job and the scene with the blood on the shield will forever be in my memory. Hands down one of the most impactful MCU moments.

I like the genderbend on Karl/Karli and the direction they took her character. People that go from sympathetic ideas to unforgivable means, make good villains. I think her more boring elements come from the lack of development she got.

Now on to the negatives.

This show could have been like two hours shorter and still told the same story with the same impact. Also earlier episodes, (maybe later episodes too I might have just gotten used to it and stopped noticing lol), had some weird ADR moments. IDK what happened behind the scenes but it was noticeable.

I would have loved it if one of the episodes was a flashback episode. The Sharon twist was obvious from the first episode she appeared in but like they thought it was good enough to save confirmation for the mid/end of the finale? Both her and Karli would have been benefited from a flashback episode.

Karli should have fought Bucky while Sam was focused on Walker. Sam could have had a moment where he tells him he will never be forgiven and Walker would responded with something similar to "I do what is right. I don't need forgiveness." Then when he becomes USAgent it lands more like the next progression in an arc rather than the redemption arc this could be interpreted as. I personally think this is a stepping stone and not a redemption but the MCU (and Disney) doesnt have a great track record when it comes to handling anything with nuance and the fans have an even worse track record when handling things that arent black and white. I guess my point is they could have handled the John Walker set up better.

Speaking of set up, this entire show was set up. This is my main and only real problem with this show. Nothing felt like it was resolved at the end. Karli even says she was part of a bigger movement. Killing her didn't change the fact a lot of people felt the un blip ruined their lives. People always shit on Tony for wanting to bring people back five years later instead of going back in time but like it had been five years, while some like Steve and Natasha hadn't moved on, others had. Some had better lives. Assuming everyone wanted to back to the way things used to be would also be a mistake. This has consequences too, as we see in these shows. But ruining the lives of the people who had bettered themselves would have been shitty too. And yea some people who had been bettered were worsened once again when the un blip happened but my point is going back and erasing the five years would have been shitty too. There is not really a right answer here as the right answer would have been to either stop the snap before it happened or to come to terms with the fact that the snap can never be undone. Leaving everyone as dead might have hurt, but it was the best thing for a community that had five years of mourning and moving on and counseling ETC. Ooof that was a tangent lol and I could probably write an essay so going back to my original point about set up. The flag smashers, or at least people who think the way they did still exist, Sharon Carter is the powerbroker but Sam and Bucky dont know and now shes back as agent 13, John Walker went from war hero to committing war crimes and his journey as USAgent is just starting, Sam has taken the Cap mantle and is ready to begin acting as Cap, and Bucky is both coming to terms with and moving on from his past. Nothing is actually resolved in this mini series. I know it's supposed to make you excited for the next movie/show/season whatever but have six episodes of little to no payoff IMO made for a flat show.

Building off the set up problem. This show had too much going on. Sam and Bucky each had their own personal journey (The A and B plot depending on the episode), Sam and Bucky being friends and their shared journey (C), John Walker and the Flag Smashers (the D and E plot depending on the episode), Zemo and the Wakandans (F), The PowerBroker/Sharon (G), The boat and Sarah which could be considered part of Sam's plot but since if you cut it out the only thing that actually effected Sam's journey would be the bank in the first episode and yet it still went on till basically the end I'm calling it it's own plot (H), Valentina Allegra de Fontaine, which might be part of John Walker's story but since it's all set up for her to take a bigger role in the future and his set up could be completed without her I'm counts her separately (I), then you have the big meeting at the end, the senators and policy makers making choices the vote that they keep mentioning and once again more set up... (J). 10 ideas by my count, all needed their own set up, follow through, and payoff. And yes some stuff like Valentina the pay off will come later but still... It's all too many plots! And thats not mentioning side characters that were new to the show that they wanted to spend time with but couldn't.

Even though I think the shows aren't comparable/two different genres WandaVision had two more episodes (and yes some were shorter but I already mentioned I think FATWS could have benefited from that), completed all the main plots and had Wanda's journey (A), Vision's journey (B), Agatha, Pietro/Ralph, and the citizens of the hex (C), Outside the hex Monica (D), Outside the hex everyone else and sure you can separate Darcy, Jimmy and Heyward but none of them were setting up future stories or had their own distinctive plot outside the hex thing like Monica so she is the only one I am separating (E), the kids who could be counted as an extension of the Wanda and Vision plots since they didnt really have their own arc or story (F). 6 total. And some of those could be combined. Like I think we should separate Wanda Vision and the kids but technically they are just an extension of Wanda. And same with Monica, her story was mostly intertwined with Darcy, Jimmy and the outside the hex stuff. I separated her since I think she had enough moments to herself and she set up secret invasion or whatever, but like Valentina being a part of John's story it is arguable. Of these plots only the missing witness Jimmy thing, Wanda's post credits moment a moment seperate from everything else, Monica's mid credits i think? moment another one separate from everything else, and white vision were unresolved. They gave Agatha an opening ending but it was still an ending. And yes Darcy Heyward etc will probably come back but the plot they had here was finished. So arguably they had 2/6 unfinished plots. And if you don't count Jimmy's witness as a plot and just count it as an unanswered question then 1/6. And technically white vision is just half a vision and the other vision got a complete plot so really it's 0.5/6 At best they completed 92(ish)% of the plots and left 8 (ish) % for future stuff.

In contrast FATWS only finished Sam's journey into becoming Cap, Zemo and the Wakandans, and arguably Sam and Bucky's friendship. You might be able to argue that Bucky had a full circle moment with the guy whose son he killed, but that is one guy and Bucky has been carrying around a list of people like that guy. It's not the end of a story it is the start of a journey. And maybe it is possible to say the boat thing had an ending kinda. 2/10 completed. maybe 3/10 if you wanna push it 5/10. IMO at best they completed 50% of plot set up.

Clearly FATWS is meant to be this way and thats why it bothered me. They want you to watch Cap 4 or whatever they decide to call the theatrical movie that will come after this. I guess I was just expecting it to stand on it's own, and other than Sam's journey into becoming Captain America, which was amazing and deserved in every way, nothing this show did felt like it could have stood on its own. I know it's arguable that was the main story and only story that deserved to end. But I've already pointed out all the other running plots this show had, and I think at least two or three of them should have had follow through in the show.

Someone who plans to never seen an MCU movie after these shows could have watched WandaVision and enjoyed it. That is not the case for FATWS. If you don't plan on watching any MCU stuff in the future you won't know how over half the plots of this show will end. THis isn't even how the movies work. They each tell their own story while also setting up other things, so it is clear they know how to do this.

I can see why Disney decided to submit it as a series and not a mini series. Not only do they not want to compete with themselves (nominating WV as a miniseries) but also this isn't a miniseries.

I guess to conclude I'll say I did really enjoy watching this show. It was fun and there were some great moments. It featured amazing character and amazing actors, but I wish it had bothered to finish more of what it started.

Thank you so much for reading till the end of a post that has surely become unintelligible gloop by now. If you disagree I'd love to hear why!

[baegarrick]

hi hello so i’m coming to you because you’re the only person in the zukka fandom that i’ve seen blogging about the old guard and i love that movie SO MUCH and i can’t stop thinking about immortal zukka..... aang as either nile or andy bc i can’t choose, andy wouldn’t lose her immortality, and no one would betray anyone bc i say so 😌 how do you think an atla/the old guard au would work?? (zukkababey)

ok i rly love the idea of immortal everyone but tbh!!! i really dont know enough about asian history to like... go into detail about this honestly and I really didn’t want to come off as racist by fudging some stuff, but here r some bulletpoints about Things

(also u can slide into my dms 2 talk about this if u want, or if u have a discord, sorry it too so long I literally cant stop writing when I get on Topics. I'm so sorry if this gets off topic)

Sokka & Katara

In this au they’re not biologically related, but are both Inuit

Sokka dies first in a skirmish with another group of indigenous people in northern Canada (Inuit Nunangat) sometime prior to 1800

He knows he died, his people saw him die, and he doesn’t understand what’s happening (I really don’t know enough about the Inuit people to say whether they would have rejected him or tried to help him understand what happened to him)

however, I’d like to think they’d at least tell him to talk to the angakkuq, the shaman, and would probably see this as a positive thing

Eventually his band of people would whittle down to just a dozen or so, after long winters and harsh climates, and they were forced to assimilate with other bands who didn’t have ancestors who were there when Sokka died in the first place, so he has to move on.

He travels around for a while, trading and learning and staying in bands for a few years before moving on to another group, until it’s the 1800s

Around this time, Katara is born (and dies)

She refuses to stand down against a white French hunter who wanted to take one of the young women in her village as a wife, and she’s killed, and the woman is taken anyway.

When she wakes up, she’s furious, and before she can understand what happened to her, she finds the man and kills him. She’s arrested and set to be killed when Sokka finds her.

They aren’t biological siblings, but they come from the same people, and the world is changing rapidly and they’re the only people they know who are like this. The idea of marrying Katara is the worst thing that Sokka can think of-- look at her, she’s just a baby!!-- so they call each other siblings and travel together.

Zuko

ok again i know literally 0 things about chinese history like i googled “female chinese warriors” for suki and got like 100 things for mulan

Zuko is old, probably one of the oldest of the (living) group, but younger than Aang

he was the first son of the second son of the emperor in a time of political conflict in China. His father, the prince, was at war with his own brother who Zuko considered a father figure.

zuko speaks out against his father and is killed for being a traitor, but, guess what, he doesn’t die!!! his father does it again for posterity and uhhhhhh still doesn’t die. (or rather, dies, and comes back)

here’s where my uhhhhhh lack of knowledge is Bad

would his father banish him for being cursed? for somehow being against the gods?

or would he force him to fight in his armies, against his uncle, because he can’t die?

I was going to go with “banished” but fighting for decades in a fight he doesn’t want to be in is so! much! worse!

his father wants to know the secrets of his immortality and when he can’t share it he’s tortured and tested for years, and eventually sent out to fight as an immortal soldier who can’t die.

eventually he escapes, and leaves china for a long time (he doesn’t return for centuries)

he is highly distrustful of anyone for years bc of his father!! he wanders around for years like he does in Zuko Alone (or like Quynh before Andy finds her) and while he sees small bits of humanity, he has little faith in it and their wars, because he is Not One Of Them

For money he joins bandit groups or warlords or mercenaries, because why does any of that matter to him? Everyone dies.

Eventually he meets Aang, who is Humanity Personified, and Aang asks him if he thinks they can be friends-- but they’re on opposite sides of this conflict and Zuko is too disillusioned to want that. (they part ways)

He meets a man, Iroh, who reminds him of his uncle. They travel together for far longer than Zuko normally would, because he likes having a father figure, and because Iroh lost a son about Zuko’s age. They travel for years and Zuko never ages, so eventually he has to leave. Iroh finds him a few years later, greyer and slower, but tells Zuko that he knows about Zuko.

Zuko reacts poorly to this, lashing out, but Iroh is calm. Zuko breaks down and tells him he can’t give Iroh what he wants. (what Zuko assumes he wants-- what they all want, immortality)

But Iroh’s like, why would I want that? it sounds like a curse, son. Why would I want to never see my son again?

He tells Zuko: we’re not meant to be alone

After Iroh passes a few years later, he tries to track down Aang but can’t find him. He, however, has dreams about the others.

alternatively///////// japanese zuko?????? RONIN ZUKO???? love it but im too tired to think of More Than That after typing all the chinese zuko stuff up, although im Sure a ton of it would cross over bc im vague as Hell

Aang

he’s the oldest of the group but you wouldn’t know it!!!!

Roku was his mentor, the first immortal that any of them know of. He’s thousands of years old when Aang meets him. (He’s also the first to die. He shows Aang that All Things Must Die)

Aang is Tibetan, a Buddhist monk, one of the earliest, maybe the 7th century?

He dies in a temple fire

here again my complete and utter lack of knowledge is Bad

according to Dzogchen, individuals can transform their body into an immortal rainbow light, so there’s some mention of immortality in certain parts of Tibetan Buddhist culture, but idk how widespread that is since wikipedia didnt even have a source for it

he becomes a missionary and travels around asia for decades before Roku finds him

Roku!!! he’s an Old Immortal, and probably wants to die a little bit at this point, and he eventually does!! but for awhile he and Aang travel around together, and butt heads a bit bc Aang’s pacifist nature, and Roku thinks Aang Will Change as he gets older

aang is absolutely devastated by the Mongol invasion of Tibet in the 13th century

roku dies about a hundred years after he meets aang, and aang travels around a little aimlessly for awhile, learning all kinds of things and befriending people he’ll outlive. it dampens his spirits a bit.

eventually he meets Zuko, who’s far more jaded than Roku was, even, and wants to be friends, but respects Zuko’s decision otherwise.

Eventually, aang travels with the Norse to Canada in the 15th century, but when they leave they don’t take him with them. Instead, he ends up frozen ala steve rogers. Katara and Sokka find him a few hundred years later.

alternatively////// Aang IS the newest kid. he’s the Nile of the group. He’s still a Tibetan monk, and views this as a teaching/learning opportunity. He would also probably like everyone to stop killing each other. Sokka rolls his eyes at him constantly.

Toph

toph is a struggle bc how do you deal with an IMMORTAL BLIND GIRL

I’m gonna stick w her show backstory: rich, blind daughter of a wealthy Chinese family

Is kidnapped and her throat is slit when she’s young (maybe an older teenager) and the kidnappers panic, leaving her body. She’s found, namely unharmed, and resumes life despite the fact she knows she died.

However, being a privileged young girl, she’s kept under watch and it quickly becomes known that she’s immortal.

She’s regarded as a living deity for centuries until she meets Suki, who rescues her from the place and teaches her to fight. (she becomes a myth, later, rather than a historical fact)

alternatively//////// she could have been first generation chinese-american, and therefore the youngest

Suki

Suki was a third generation female warrior of her family who guarded the boarder during the Northern Song Dynasty (960-1127), and trained from a young age in martial arts. (insp by the story of Mu Guiying)

She’s a war orphan, and leads an army of war widows and orphan women, but meets her untimely end with some of her sisters in a reign of arrows. She’s buried by some of her sisters before she wakes up again, and has to claw her way to the surface.

Her sisters don’t know how to react to her (a lot like Nile’s soldiers) so she eventually leaves them.

After her death, she hears rumors of a living goddess (Toph) and goes to see if there really is another person like her, and finds one of the people from her dreams (Toph)

She trains Toph to fight despite her being blind, and the pair become an unusual duo for a couple hundred years.

eventually, they start dreaming about a pair of siblings in the New World (not that new!! people live there!!) and book passage there in the 1800s with the first major wave of Chinese immigration

They dream about each other. it happens a lot at first, but it tapers out over the years. it grows stronger whenever a new one (katara) is born, but Katara and Sokka have NO desire to leave their homeland to go look for these strange people until they find Aang. (what languages might they have in common? russian??? the russians came to settle alaska, I know bc my stepmom is native alaskan and russian--- the Mongols invaded TIbet and Mongolia is right next to Russia, so Aang might know it??)

When they find Aang, Suki and Toph start dreaming of them again, and so does Zuko and they all start making their way to San Francisco. The Chinese wouldn’t arrive in Canada until around the 1850s (according to google) so Sokka probably wouldn’t speak any Chinese (mandarin???? i dont know things), but Zuko might speak some English or Russian. [really just gonna be a bunch of chinese, inuit, and tibetan people speaking russian to each other, isn’t it??]

Aang greets Zuko like an old friend, and Zuko Does Not know what to do with that. he’s skirtish and shy and hasn’t really been around a lot of friendly people. Sokka does NOT trust him. At all!! (he wants Katara to stay FAR AWAY from him. stick with the harmless monk we found at the bottom of a lake, katara.)

They find Suki and Toph in a bar. Toph hustling people for money, and Suki drinking at the bar. It’s very strange to have all of them around, and it’s like, 1830. they all decide they like each other, after they get some good old fashioned stabbing in-- Katara is the only woman Sokka has been around whos like him, and she’s like his little sister, and all he wants to do is Protect Her, so he doesn’t know what to do with women who known knives. (get his ass handed to him, thats what)

I want Zuko to be a broody mess but honestly he’d probably revert back to yelling at people/things in ancient Chinese (mandarin? I’m not really sure what period he’s from exactly). He’s still got that Good streak in him, esp since he’s like, a hundred years off his adopted uncle Iroh.

and you know what? 1830 america is NOT a cool place for anyone!! least of all asian immigrants, native americans, or women of either group

So the Gaang take to helping those people out any way they can. (Aang wants Peace, but you know white people, we don’t listen). They actively get involved in the underground railroad, eventually the civil war, and also helping out native americans, as well as chinese immigrants working on the railroads.

also so sorry I know the ask was about Zukka but I had to write a million words about their backstories first

Zuko + Sokka eventually come to a truce as the only dudes in this entire group who are willing to fight. Sokka is interested in both men and women, but he’s never really shared his life with anyone, and it’s the same for Zuko. Sokka, because he was regarded as an elder with his people, and after that he could only stay a few years. He had lovers, like Yue, but they all eventually died and Sokka couldn’t do anything about it!! Zuko, because while he also had lovers, he couldn’t really bear to be around humanity for a long time after what happened to him. (he’s vehemently opposed to slavery)

I think they get together at first just kind of because there isn’t really anyone else. Suki + Toph are kinda their own thing (are they lovers? sisters in arms? who knows), Katara is like Sokka’s sister (and if Zuko touches her Sokka will end his destiny permanently), and Aang is... aang.

It’s sorta a friends-with-benefits thing, except its an immortal warrior reluctant companions-with-benefits thing because can you really call this a friendship?? (its a family, eventually). Eventually it’s just kind of always been a thing. Sokka checking Zuko first when he comes back to life, counting down the second to make sure Zuko comes back at all. Zuko tells people he’s the only one allowed to kill Sokka, because lets be honest, the first couple of months with rowdy immortals meant killing each other a lot. When Sokka is killed violently in the Civil War, he wakes up half an hour later (slow, slow), to find a field of bodies and Zuko sitting next to him with his dao blades in the dirt, waiting for him. Sokka tries to make a joke, but it just makes Zuko mad, because what if that was the last time. (sokka jokes that he’s young, yet, not like Zuko)

They don’t really talk about it, partially because they don’t live in a world where it’s acceptable. What kind of title fits when you can only use it with 5 other people? But this time, when Zuko was afraid Sokka might not wake up, thirty years after they met, after lifetimes of being alone for both of them?? Sokka has to let Zuko know he loves him. Loves him!!! He’s not just here for the meantime.

thats all I have rn bc its 9pm and I’ve been writing this for like 3 hours. again if u wanna slide into my dms or if u have a discord and wanna talk about this/other stuff hmu. so sorry this got off topic.

also, the order I had them born in is:

roku --> aang --> Zuko --> suki --> toph --> sokka --> Katara

which may or may not be accurate to my timeline lol

Sokka probably speaks all of the Inuit languages, as well as French, English, and Russian, being alive for long enough to learn it all.

Katara refuses to learn French. Hates it. Never wants to learn.

She and Sokka personally keep Inuit traditions and languages alive as elders of their community, though it’s so much harder in modern times to stay connected to their culture bc they don’t age!!

disclaimer: bc the show was written as a complete mashup of several cultures I had to like..... pick where ppl were from. I picked china for Zuko/Suki/Toph bc they have a beautiful culture and a lot of dynasties I have heard a lot about recently while half watching the history channel. I really, really don’t know a lot about non-white culture as a white american from FLORIDA (so like, literally the farthest place you can get from the Inuit people and still be on the same continent). if you know more about these cultures than I do and I said something blatantly wrong pls let me know and I will change it.