#‘she caused or was at least present for lots of big catastrophic events’

[novelconcepts]

Anyway the most valid response to that episode is anyone repeating “AGATHA IS JOLENE???? …of course Agatha is Jolene.”

[meeeeeeese]

Huzzah inspiration has struck again and I have achieved writing.

The tale of Rugan's 'chance' encounter with a journalist at the start of SotO

It was lunch time at the parade grounds, and across the dusty paw-stomped courtyard, soldiers were taking a break from their drills to enjoy a bite to eat. However, one soldier stood out from the rest, a large copper-furred charr holding a letter in one paw and gently cradling a sleeping cub with the other. Rugan’s tail was beginning to twitch with annoyance, “Go to the parade grounds just north of the Hero's Forum. I'll meet you there.”, the letter said, and yet as the minutes ticked by, Rytlock was still nowhere to be seen. Rugan started to reach for his communicator, to ask where the hell Rytlock was, but stopped as he spotted someone walking up to him. It was a human woman, Canthan in origin, with a notepad and quill pinned under her arm. The brief moment of eye contact gave her an opening, and before she even stopped walking, she launched her introduction.

“The Pact Commander. Champion of an Elder Dragon. The talk of Tyria. In. The. Flesh.”

Rugan sighed, Rytlock had better turn up soon. He responded with a gruff “Do I know you?”, trying his best to indicate he wasn’t much interested in a chat. However, the human pressed on with her spiel unabated. “Mi-Rae of the Cantha Report. International News Desk. Seeing the sights and seeking stories from Central Tyria. Got a minute to chat? You've got one heck of a story, and the people deserve to hear it.”

Falx stirred in Rugan’s arm; he gave the cub an affectionate scratch under the chin before grumbling out “I can… probably spare a minute”.

Mi-Rae gave him a practiced smile before springing into the first question “Good. Walk with me. Talk with me. Didn't have the chance while you were still in Cantha. Big name like you probably has a thousand things to say, but let's start with this...” She tapped a jade-tech device strapped to her side before continuing, judging by its make, it looked to be a recorder. “Killing Soo-Won, saving the world. Ending the reign of the Elder Dragons. A lot to cope with. Thoughts?”

Rugan shrugged, he wasn’t all that interested in baring out his inner thoughts to a stranger and gave a brief response, “We did what needed to be done. At great cost, too.”

Mi-Rae nodded, writing some notes down before commenting “Mmm. An interesting perspective. How do you respond to charges that your leadership—or lack thereof—was one of the chief reasons for the catastrophic events that negatively impacted Cantha?”

Rugan’s eyes narrowed, truthfully the collateral damage from his actions had caused him a lot of anguish, and it was still an ever-present spectre lurking in the back of his mind. But again, he wasn’t about to say all that to a reporter, and so responded with the same hollow excuse he’d said to himself so many times, “I've always acted with the best information available at the time.” His gaze broke from the reporter and back down to his cub, who had woken up and was looking sleepily up at his sire.

Once again Mi-Rae jotted down some notes, before following Rugan’s gaze down to his cub and smiling excitedly. No one had broken the story yet that the legendary Pact Commander had a cub, and so she chose her next question to lead into asking more about Rugan’s personal life.

“That’s clearly a touchy subject. Let's move on, shall we? Do you think the world is a better place without the Elder Dragons? A better place for your cub to grow up?”

This question at least didn’t need a dodge or a long explanation, Rugan stated simply “If we hadn't acted, we wouldn't be here having this conversation”, he lifted his cub up a bit “He wouldn’t be here either”.

Mi-Rae gave a quick nod of acknowledgement, “Good point. Let's talk about you for a moment. What's next for the legendary commander? Any future plans you'd like to divulge here, exclusively for my audience?”. She gave a pointed look at the cub in Rugan’s arms as she talked, trying to indirectly probe for details. Rugan sighed again, truthfully, he had no damn idea what he was gonna do, but at least he had a short-term plan. He responded without breaking eye contact with Falx “Well… I think I know what my plan is for the next year or so. At least until it’s time for the little guy to go to the fahrar”

A quick flash of annoyance crossed Mi-Rae’s face as she scribbled down some more notes, the commander hadn’t divulged all that many headline worthy stories from her indirect questions, so it was time to go on the attack. “So, now that we've got the high-level questions answered, let's get to the meat of the matter. What my audience really wants to hear.” She paused for a moment, as if charging up her journalistic power. “Alright, tell me some of the juicy details. Scandal. Death. Romance. What’s the name of your cub, who’s the mother, are the rumours true that you’re in a secret relationship with Imperator Kindleshot? What are your hopes for the cub’s future?”

A grimace spread across Rugan’s face, Rytlock had better turn up right now or he was going to maul the tribune next time he saw him. If Mi-Rae was going to be blatant with the Gossip-mill questions he was going to dodge them that much more blatantly.

“There’s not much to say really, we prevented widespread disaster a few times. Lost some friends along the way. But now that the dragon cycle is over, it's...peaceful… The cub’s name is Falx by the way.”

The look of annoyance reappeared on Mi-Rae’s face, she muttered to herself "Pact Commander's retirement haunted by dreams of the past, the screams of war..." as she filled up her notepad. She opened her mouth to pry further when they were both distracted by a tiny Asuran golem skittering up to Rugan holding a box in its tiny little hands. A robotic voice echoed out “Delivery for Rugan Coppertail, thank you for choosing Larkk’s Delivery Service”.

Rugan had never looked so relieved in his life. He muttered under his breath “whoever sent this you are a lifesaver.” Before coughing and speaking louder to Mi-Rae, “Oh... burn me this looks really important… looks like I gotta go…”

Mi-Rae looked disappointed, but with one final glance down at her notes, she turned off her recorder and said “I think I've got what I need. Just you wait; your name will be painted on every chronicle in Tyria. Thank you, "Commander." You can trust me to tell your story as authentically and accurately as possible.” She gave him a final wave goodbye, spun around on her heel and walked off.

Before Rugan picked up the box, he took one final look at the letter from Rytlock. At this point he was wondering if he’d gotten the wrong place, and as he skimmed through it a realisation hit him like an overloading photon-forge.

“Please come at your earliest convenience.” “Please” -Rugan had known Rytlock for over a decade at this point. And Rytlock. Never. Uses. The word. Please. And... the reporter somehow knew exactly where to find him…

“OH SON OF A FLAMING TITAN!” He yelled out, loud enough that nearby soldiers gave a quick glance his way as Falx squirmed in Rugan’s arms, looking around to see why his dad was being loud.

Tricked by a damn reporter of all people. Rugan breathed deeply before scrunching up the letter from “Rytlock” and tossing it over his shoulder. Now, time to see what this delivery was all about.

[stilloutofmyvulcanmind]

And It All Came Tumbling Down Part 2

Request: Reader getting people out to safety gets hurt really badly and trapped, and Bruce has to save her

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x Reader

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Female!Reader, Dick Grayson

Word Count: 2400

Warnings: Explosions, graphic injuries, drowning, angst

Summary: During a work party a call comes in that the Joker has planted a bomb somewhere in Gotham. You’re tasked with clearing your building when the unthinkable happens.

A/N: Thank you for all the lovely comments on part 1, and I hope you all like this part too! It’s a little different since it’s all from Bruce’s POV!

Part 2 of 3

Part 1   Part 3 

He should've seen it coming. He should've known Joker would target the Tower. But when he'd looked at the list it had seemed like the least obvious. There'd been two others on the list that had Joker written all over it. One was the biggest in Gotham with a current occupation of near a thousand. The other was slightly smaller but currently hosting a party for some of the most influential politicians in the state. Either would cause chaos, make the rest of Gotham feel even less safe than they did already. He'd gone to one, sent Robin to the other, certain they'd find it and stop a catastrophe. 

He'd been halfway through his hotel when he heard the explosion. Moments later it came through the comms that it was the Tower. Top two levels were near destroyed. 

Bruce had tried calling Y/N but it only went to voicemail. Nothing to worry about, he'd told himself. In the rush and mayhem, it would be easy to miss a call. 

He'd just reached the Batmobile when the second bomb went off. He was the opposite end of the city but he saw the flames explode, bright against the darkness. It was hard to tell what floor it was, but it was lower, and it decimated it. Time had seemed to slow as he watched the hotel almost collapse in on itself. If anyone was still inside…

He'd kept trying to call her, but nothing. She could've left her phone behind or dropped it, he told himself, but there was a stone settling in the pit of his stomach that said otherwise.

The fourth time he tried the line connected. "Y/N?! Are you out? Are you safe?" Logic said he should've waited for her to speak first, just to make sure it was Y/N answering, but he needed to ask. 

For a few, too long seconds all he could hear was the ragged gasps of someone trying to breathe. A woman if his instincts were correct. Then, finally, "Bruce…stuck…" Her voice was quiet, words spoken at the ends of harsh breaths. 

His fingers tightened around the leather of the steering wheel, foot pressing down on the accelerator as he swerved down the streets, cursing silently as he glanced at the GPS on the display screen. The chaos of needing to rapidly evacuate several hotels had led to multiple areas being cordoned off, meaning he was forced to take a nondirect route.

“I’m on the way. Ten minutes and I’ll be with you, okay? Just hold on.” He kept his voice steady, calm. He was the Batman. And Batman was always cool and collected. The creator of fear not the feeler of it. It was a practice he’d become an expert at over the years, but not something he’d ever hoped to implement when it came to Y/N. But right now he needed to, for both their sakes.

“...’kay.” The word was so faint it was barely audible. She was fading. Bruce mentally cataloged every injury he’d acquired over his many, many falls over the years, too many too serious despite his suit. Y/N had nothing but an evening gown to protect her. 

“Stay with me, Y/N,” he said, needing to keep her attention. “Where are you hurt?” It wasn’t ideal, but it’d keep her focused and let him know just how quickly she’d need medical attention. 

“Dunno. My head. It hurts. Something...something on my legs. Pinning me.” The head injury explained a lot of her behavior, the confusion, the words that were starting to sound slurred. That was his main concern for now. Then she was talking again. “M’side...I don’t…” 

Her scream turned his blood to ice. “Y/N!” Nothing. He called again. All he could hear was agonized whimpers, small, high-pitched things that sounded more like a wounded animal than a human. “Y/N!”

The third shout seemed to get her back. “Fell...on something. Lots of blood.” The Batmobile squealed as it rounded a sharp corner, swerving slightly before straightening out again. He knew from experience that was the exact opposite of good. He ran through the options. If they could keep whatever she fell on in place, she’d stand a chance. The trouble was going to be getting her out of a destroyed building without disturbing it. Chances of getting paramedics in were slim, and if it was too long or big or attached to something…

"Bruce…" the fear in her voice was unmistakable, the word cracking even as she whispered it. 

In all the time he'd known her, never once had she been scared. She'd been caught in one of Two-Face's campaigns to cleanse the city, and as Batman, he'd watched from the rafters as she'd volunteered herself to be the next to face the judgment of his coin. Had looked death in the face with a head held high and squared shoulders, her voice never wavering or faltering as she spoke. She'd been brave, bold and beautiful. He didn't know her name back then, but he was sure he fell in love that day. 

And it was all because she'd had complete faith that Batman would save her. She'd looked Dent straight in the eye and told him so. He'd proven her faith true that day, and she had rewarded him with unerring confidence ever since. 

On the darkest of days when even he wasn't sure he could save the day, she'd been there, telling him with complete and utter surety that he could, and, that he would be coming home that night. Never once had there even been a tremble in her voice, nothing that would have ever suggested fear. 

To hear it now, to hear Y/N so scared and defeated, it hit harder than Bane ever could. 

The leather on the wheel creaked as Bruce’s grip tightened to an almost crushing point. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m getting you out.”

A whimper. A sniffle. Another whimper. The sharp jerk of the inhale hurt her. He should be the one hurting, not her. Never her. “N-no...dangerous,” she managed to whisper, and his control nearly snapped right then. 

“I’m not leaving you, Y/N. I’ll fix this.” Because he had to. This was his fault. Y/N was hurt because of him. Because he’d decided to take advantage of her position as COO and start skipping work events he didn’t want to attend. If he’d been there when the video came in, he would’ve evacuated the hotel before disappearing into the night. He would’ve made sure Y/N was out. And if the bombs had gone off? Then at least he’d be trapped knowing she was safe. 

It went quiet, and Bruce was about to call out to her again when she spoke, words quiet and more slurred together. “Br’ce...m’srry…” His heart twisted and shattered, crumbling into a million tiny pieces. No. No. She shouldn’t be the one apologizing. Not for this. Not for anything that had happened tonight. That was him. 

He couldn’t keep up the pretense anymore. Not when she sounded so...so broken. He took a breath and hit the button on his cowl to disable the voice modulator. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do. But if the Bat wasn’t assuaging her fear, maybe Bruce could. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, baby.” He spoke softly but kept his voice steady. 

“Do...was s’lfish. Shouldn’t’ve b’n.”

It was all wrong. He’d been the selfish one. And when she was safe, when he could hold her in his arms, he’d tell her. He’d whisper ‘sorry’ a million times over and hope for a forgiveness that he probably didn’t deserve. “We’ll talk about this once you’re safe, okay? I’m nearly there.” He was seconds away now, the cops around the perimeter jumping out of his way when they saw the car. 

Y/N didn’t argue. “L’ve you.”

“I love you.” The words sounded too much like a goodbye.

He reactivated the voice modulator in the same instant as he jumped out of the Batmobile, activating the lens in his cowl to scan for heat signatures in the crumbling building. Gordon was there immediately, telling him that at present everyone was accounted for. He shook his head. There were small fires scattered throughout, but there, on the eighth floor, a body. Y/N.

“I’m picking up a heat signal. Someone’s still trapped inside. Have paramedics on standby.” With that he grappled up to the roof of an adjacent building, perching on the edge as he looked for a way in. “I’m here,” he said to Y/N. “One minute and I’ll have you. I’m just working out my route down.”

There was an opening on the fourteenth floor he could use for access, but after that, it was difficult to see what was stable and what wasn’t. Time was of the essence, but if he moved too quickly, he could end up doing more harm than good. He’d have to be careful. 

He was about to grapple to the opening when Y/N spoke, “Bruce-” the rest of her sentence was cut off by a thundering crash and a scream. The line crackled and went dead.

Without thinking, he launched himself off the roof. He could see her falling with his lenses, nothing stopping her more for than a second. He breached the building and dived down after her, safety be damned. She was below him, about three floors further ahead. He could see her now even without the heat source.

“Y/N!” 

Chunks of rubble blew past him. Something sliced along his jaw. It didn’t matter. He had to get her…

The realization that he wouldn’t be able to catch her in time hit him like a train. The world slowed down around him, each second lasting an eternity as he watched his own outstretched hand try in vain to grab onto her. But she was too far below him. Out of his reach and he was helpless to change that.

A fall from eight floors up? With who knew what injuries already? It was impossible.

He was going to lose her.

He’d failed.

The thud and crack of a body breaking against a hard floor never came. 

In its place were a series of splashes and a shower of icy cold water spraying upwards. The hotel had a spa on its bottom level. A pool. If she’d gotten lucky and rubble landed in it before her...

There was still hope.

He’d been ready to plunge straight into the water, but a spark caught his eye and he grabbed onto a broken beam at the last second. There was a snapped electrical wire, dangling just above the surface of the water, and seemed to be slipping down closer and closer to it. If it hit before he got Y/N it would kill her for sure. A split-second decision later, he was lunging for it, grabbing the wire just before it touched the surface and throwing it up to hook onto the edge of something, out of harm’s way.

In the same breath, he turned and nosedived into the water, a brief thought at the back of his mind saying to thank Lucius for the waterproof tech later. It was black under the surface, the water-filled with bits of debris that made navigating difficult. But there. Y/N was lying at the bottom of the pool. Trapped under a metal pipe. Bruce gripped it, heaving it off of her, before circling an arm around her waist and dragging them both back up to the surface. 

He emerged with a gasp of air, but Y/N lay limp against his chest, glassy eyes staring into nothing. No. Not now.

Later he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone exactly how he got them both out of there. It was all a blur of grappling up and up, using the nearest semi steady surface, until he was pulling them both out into the night. He landed back on the adjacent roof, laying her gently down on it. 

"Y/N?" He called, feeling for her pulse at the same time as he scanned her. His stomach dropped. She'd gotten lucky with the lack of serious injuries but that meant nothing right now. 

He signaled for Gordon to get medics up there ASAP and started CPR. Five breaths. Thirty chest compressions and check. Nothing.

What was once a pale blue dress was now soaked dark, even darker around her middle where blood was seeping into it. He could see it spread along the ground in the streetlight too. At this rate, she'd bleed out before he could get her heart beating again. 

Dick appeared on the rooftop, his sure steps fumbling when he took in the sight and collapsed onto his knees the other side of her. Bruce risked a glance up, seeing the boy staring back at him. He couldn't see his eyes behind the domino mask, but he knew the sight of fear. 

"Use your cape and put pressure on the wound. Both sides." 

Dick obeyed immediately, use the bright material to try and staunch the wound through Y/N's side as best he could. Bruce didn't miss a beat with the compressions. It was only the years of training that kept him from breaking rhythm in his increasing desperation. 

Fresh blood was sliding down Y/N's face and neck. In the low light, he could make out at least one head injury. 

"B…" Dick only needed to say a single letter for Bruce to know what he was asking. He wanted to know if they should call it. If they were too late and Y/N was beyond help. 

"Keep the pressure," he growled, his eyes never leaving her face. He daren't look anywhere else, lest his own feelings show. 

He could hear the medics nearby. They'd be on the roof soon. He just needed Y/N to be breathing when they did. 

"C'mon, baby," he whispered quietly enough that even Dick barely caught it. Another two breaths into her mouth, his rhythm breaking a second when there was still no response. 

He couldn't lose her. Not now. Not like this. 

Gritting his teeth he redoubled his efforts. Not today. 

"Please."

Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee! (I’ll love you forever)

Tagging: @medicatemedrmccoy​ @thefanficfaerie​ @weresilver-in-space​ @theravenkingishome​ @abigailadams1788​ @iwillmakeyoucraveme​ @ishouldvebutdidnt​ @wonhos-world​ @electricprincess888​ @cuddlememerrick​ @slytherinsheashire @kacchasu​ @generalgoldfishldrm​ @dc-marvel-girl96​ @sagyunaro​ @lizzga​ @padfoot-siriusly-approves​ @mybabyboytony​ @imaginethatwow​ @gretchenzellerbarnes​ @bitterisreality​ @megarichoo-blog​ @thearcher17 @notsohappysunflower​ @quoththe-raven​ @startrekstartrash​ @thatanonymouschocolate​ @eternalabysss​ 

[whitherliliesbloom]

what a queen must be ♔

Like leaves on the boughs, are her subjects to the queen. And like roots to a tree, a queen must be... Words: 6,521 words. This is a long read, grab a drink ;w;

[[ So quick note before starting.. This is obviously a fairy au fanfic, and it has quite a few cameos of other people’s characters who are involved in the fairy kingdom au ;w; I couldn’t quite find a way to fit everyone in though, so please don’t be upset if your oc isn’t included. It’s kind of hard to find ways to squeeze everyone into this. It also contains a lot of lore both from my own fanfics, as well as bits and pieces from other people’s fairy headcanons to make one big story.. 

The fairy au masterlist is here!  It’s highly recommended that you at least read my fanfic about illya’s backstory here first to get the context of this whole fanfic. Other highly recommended reads is @windupnamazu​‘s headcanons for Lunya for section 2, @ofthesilverlining​‘s heaadcanons for Laurelis, @firstblesssed​‘s fanfic for section 3 and sort of @earthlystar​‘s headcanons for Yume regarding the impending war between humans and fae referenced in section 4. Though in general I tried to keep the story and lore here consistent with everyone’s headcanons.. no guarantees, because there may be some contradictions ;w; ]] 

➤ A queen must always be smiling

“’Tis a rare sight to see the palace so crowded.” 

A guard in a fiery red robe paces about the room, eyes scanning the many other dress and suit clad fairies as they made merry conversation with one another. Ambrosia was served - a delicacy even by royalty standards.. and a rare sight especially after the catastrophic age of mortals. And yet she dared not partake in the drink herself - such was Yume’s tendency to take her job overly seriously. 

A hand placed upon her shoulder causes her to flinch for but a moment, but she relaxes upon seeing the smiling face of a forest nymph, her usual brown leather suit traded for a much more fitting leafy green dress. 

“You needn’t pace about so much, Yume! Here, eat!”

A neon pink mini cake covered in sprinkle was thrust forward towards the fire fairy’s lips, who could do naught but sigh and take a bite out of the sweet treat, much to Laurelis�� delight. 

She turns to her side, where the snow fairies were huddled close by, a certain scale covered one in particular with her arms folded over her chest in uncertainty.

“You too, Shuri, Mint! Eat something before you return to the mountains!”

The shorter of the pair was far more eager to accept the cake Laurelis had offered her, her companion merely furrowing her brows and shaking her head.

“I come only at the behest of my new queen.”

“And the queen wouldn’t like for one to mope about during a party now, would she?” With arms crossed, the forest nymph pouts, and the snow mother casts a frown downwards on the floor. 

“I suppose not.”

Delighted to have gotten her way, Laurelis hands the fairy of ice yet another palm sized pastry. 

She wasn’t lying when she said that the queen wouldn’t want for her subjects to be moping or upset during such a celebratory event - a celebration of her coronation, no less. 

Many a fae invited to the palace were more than delighted at the news of the previous Titania’s dismissal - a foolish king who allowed for the desecration of their once thriving kingdom. And while there was no one else but the king’s very own daughter to take up the throne in his stead, the fae were always of the belief that everyone was more than their ancestor’s blood. 

They lived in the here and the now - and in the present they were ready to welcome the newly crowned Titania who shall deliver them from the mistakes of the previous. 

It was nothing if not a joyous occasion. 

And yet the smile Laurelis’ wore upon her face was in itself a huge hypocrisy. 

“Look, there’s Illya!” Mint announces, shortly before the advisor of Titania even does, and all who were present in the room knew to bow upon one knee, looking towards the large pair of doors that opened for the queen’s grand entrance. 

The room is silent, save for the telltale fluttering of large translucent purple wings. Small in stature though she was, the glowing staff that she held in her hand, the crown upon her head and the very glittering, flowing dress she wore was more than enough for all fae folk to set her apart as royalty. 

While most looked in awe upon the queen’s visage as she hovered over the room, Laurelis could not help but feel the corners of her lips threaten to tug downwards into a frown. 

“Welcome, one and all!” Her soft voice calls out, shaking in tone. The bright smile upon her face glows, and she continues to speak against the restraints of her timid vocal cords, natural to all but those who knew the girl beneath the crown well enough. “I bid you welcome, and thank you kindly for your attendance to this banquet. I hope you enjoy the food and beverages we have served here tonight!” 

With a wave of a hand, the queen gestures for all to rise to their feet, smile never once wavering. 

Chatter returns to the room once more, accompanied by Mint’s enthusiastic claps.

“I would have thought she’d be more nervous about speaking in public, but she’s holding herself well!” 

There weren’t too many fae in the kingdom who knew Titania by name, let alone the person who was but a mere princess before her coronation. All who did nodded in agreement, save for the forest nymph whose gaze had not once left the queen.

She held herself too well, Laurelis thought. Mismatched eyes narrowing through the crowd of fluttering wings to gaze at her friend, who has settled on her own lonesome in the corner of the room, neither cake nor ambrosia in hand. 

Laurelis excuses herself, pushing past the giggling and twirling bodies of fairies in the midst of an ambrosia intoxicated dance towards her dearest friend. 

Her hand settles upon the queen’s shoulder, and violet eyes shift upwards to look at Laurelis. Anybody else who would dare approach Titania would have long been stopped by Urianger, who stood guard over the girl a mere few fulms away. And yet their friendship has reached back far enough that the man knew the forest nymph meant the queen no harm. 

Perhaps, Urianger even believed.. that she would be able to help the queen in ways which he cannot. 

“Illya-” Laurelis blurts out, but she catches herself and flashes a sheepish smile down at her smaller friend, “Ah.. I guess I’m supposed to call you ‘your majesty’ now..” 

“Oh...” a soft murmur and a nervous chuckle later, and the queen responds with a widened smile. “Right.. but you needn’t call me so in private..”

“Illya it is then.”

You will always be Illya to me.

Laurelis wished to say. She wished to speak - as she always does in their friendship. She was always the more talkative of the pair after all.. the chatter box who talked so much she’s surprised her friend’s pointed ears hadn’t fallen off.

And yet Illya would listen - she always does. For a princess who sneaked out of the safety of the palace, she was attentive of others - of even the forest that bordered up the kingdom and its tall grand walls. 

Laurelis swears that she’d listen too - if Illya would give her a chance to. It’s the least she could do.. and may perhaps even be the only thing she can do. 

Something inside Laurelis’ heart aches as she watches Illya’s unwavering facade of happiness shine brighter before her, and as if in desperation the forest nymph drops her very own trademark glowing grin to lower her voice.

“Are you okay..?”

A crack forms in Illya’s defenses - a glistening in her eyes that she rapidly blinks away. Her chapped lips tremble, complexion paling and the knuckle that held her staff turns white. It is all Laurelis needed to know the answer.

What hypocrisy is it for her to convince the others to make merry and joy, to smile in ignorance and celebrate to their heart’s content, when she herself would attempt to tear down the walls of her friend’s barricaded feelings? 

The queen is several decades too young for this burden, a fairy who had just barely blossomed past her peak physical maturity. The fae cares not for age, and certainly not for the concept of time. 

But surely there was something so oddly cruel about this - so tragic that a fae so young would be forced to see the disappearance of her parents, and to bear the weight of their sins upon her own two shoulders. 

Illya was no fool, and is far from power hungry. She, of all people, must know her own plight better than anybody else.. and it must be tearing her up inside. 

Please frown. Please cry. Please tell me again about how much you love your parents. Anything, anything but pretend.

And yet Illya never stops smiling, a far more pitiful, lonely cry for help that almost sends Laurelis herself bursting into tears on the spot.

“I’ve never been better.”

Laurelis forces a wide smile past the burning of her eyes as she gazes down at her most cherished friend. The hand upon her shoulder rubs gently in a comforting manner, and her other hand has to clench into a fist to keep herself from doing what she wishes. 

 “Just remember that you can talk to me about whatever you like.” Despite the smile on her visage, her voice is hushed and choked, her own throat threatening to close on her. She has never been as good at masking her feelings as Illya. “After this is over, we should go to your room. I — I...” 

Her voice now is a little stronger as the grin grows less forced. “I found a new hairstyle I think you’ll look beautiful in.”

-----------------------------------------------------------

➤ A queen must be forgiving

“By order of Titania, you are all to leave at once!”

The clouds gather in the night sky, and the voice of the royal guards come to chase the remaining mortals away echo throughout Lydha Lran. 

It had been decreed even before the coronation of the new Titania that the ban upon mortal entrance be enacted once more - an order that came from none other than the mother of the current Titania. 

A law in which mortals are not allowed entry to the rainbow kingdom, and yet the crime of trespassing shall not be met with the punishment of death - but a mere trial in the presence of Titania and her royal guards. 

Mortals present - ill intent or not are to be sent away without exception.. and while the Titania of the present had been lenient in giving those remaining enough time to pack and leave, now came an age for some rapid and drastic changes - as adviced by Urianger himself. Unfortunate, the few who had not left yet are in fact among the most vile of those who had set foot upon their home in the first place.

Plunderers, come to leech off the prosperity of the fae for their own greed. 

The pixies still remembered how vast and wide their forests had been, how tall their glaciers and mountains spanned, and even the vividness of the very flowers that bloomed upon their land.. All tarnished within less than a decade of mortal interference. 

But that wasn’t enough for them. It wasn’t enough to pluck them of their resources. They would burn their very home to the ground if they must, a final act of defiance against the law of the haughty ruler who hid in the safety of her shiny castle. 

“Screw these stupid new laws! And screw the dumb ass new queen of yours! We have a right to stay!” 

The queen had anticipated the plunderers to not want to leave quietly, and so it was perhaps a wise choice to order a small platoon of guards to usher the mortals out of Lydha Lran, the village closest to the gates where mortal world met with the kingdom of fairies. 

With axes once brandished to cut down their enchanted trees, and lances to spear the backs of their porxies they were now turned against the innocent citizens of the village and the royal guards who fought to stop them.

The sea of blooming pink flowers were trampled on, as if they hadn’t been enough already, with the blood of both mortal and fae alike spilling upon the stone pathway that led through the quaint little village. 

Amongst the clashing of steel, the pitter patter of frantic feet carried a girl through the chaos to the center of the village. Her pants grow louder, pleas to stop going unheard. 

At the very front Lyhe Mheg, a burly woman stood, weathered sword raised against a pixie folk who had none save their tiny trembling arms to defend themselves. 

“Stop!” crying out, the dwarf puts herself in between the mortal and pixie, furrowed glare however pointed towards one of her own kind - the very one who had ferried her here in the first place.

“Step outta the way, Lunya.. or I won’t hesitate to cut you down too.”

In the midst of her pounding heart, and every voice in her head yelling, begging for her to obey, her legs stood firm with arms outstretched to either sides of her, a physical shield for the innocent fae behind her.

“This is lunacy! Have you not taken enough from them?!” 

You too, Lunya. You’ve taken from them too. You’ve taken from her.

“Last warning. I’m telling you to get out of the way or die with them.”

The gathered clouds grow darker and block all view of the stars and the moon from view, as if a storm of rain was about to fall upon them. The sky is weeping this needless bloodshed.

Lunya glares, hands tightened into a fist. 

“Over my dead body.”

...

“The queen! She comes!” 

Voices sound muffled, and what little light she can see past half-lidded teary eyes feel like they are a far distance away. Her body feels heavy and light all at the same time, as if she was drifting underwater further and further from view of the surface. It feels cold and so very dark.

She does not register the blood that stained her shirt a bright scarlet red, or the dark grey of the clouds that hung above her head. She does however note a flash of violet and the voice of someone familiar. 

It’s a voice she associates with quiet conversations by the lake under the starry night sky after sneaking away from her bunk, of the one glimmer of happiness in the midst of a sea of guilt and regret. She, who was but a petty thief from the outside, who would spend the night alongside a girl so alike yet so different from herself, counting the stars and drawing constellations with the tip of their fingers.

The princess wondered about all sorts of things - from the stars above them to the flowers that took bloom beneath their feet.. and the world of the mortals that stretches beyond the gates of Il Mheg.

And she would tell her, about the world she was born from.. about the world fae cannot experience. While the princess gave her the company she so desperately needed to keep waking up to tomorrow, company she knew she didn’t deserve. 

Lunya is numb from head to toe, consciousness drifting away in the wind. 

But a bright light glows from her torso, a warmth spreading from where the blade of that woman’s sword had cut her body open. She feels something beginning to protrude from her back, and the roots of her hair bleaching a pale white to match the queen’s. 

Lunya doesn’t quite understand right away what had just transpired - but she knows that she owes her friend a debt yet again, this time one that was the very weight of her life. 

By Illya’s healing touch, she was given the unfortunate gift of remembering her sins, and the tears that had pooled in her eyes begin trickling down her face.

“I’m......sorry.”

But her friend merely shakes her head, hand cradling the back of Lunya’s head gently, petting her hair as it changes their hues - as if in forgiveness for what she had done.

--------------------------------------------

➤ A queen must be hardworking

Juggling his responsibility of helping with the fae’s errands as well as investigating the cause of the dreaded curse that afflicted his kind certainly wasn’t easy, but the boy did begrudgingly admit that the work was..fulfilling. 

Restoring the damage his people had caused to the land of the fae gave him a sense of accomplishment that not even his speedy graduation from the studium had given him - nor the many years he spent pouring over tome after tome in the lonesome of his study. 

Interacting with fae folk was refreshing, as was their culture and their very beliefs. 

He thus has no complaints when he is summoned yet again by the pixies of Lydha Lran, though he’d be lying if he said he were not nervous of what possible pranks they could pull on him yet again.

“Not a moment too late like last time!” a pixie twirls in the air in delight, tiny wings fluttering behind them as Alphinaud greets them with a sincere smile.

“I wouldn’t dare, Beq Thon. Your call made it seem like you urgently needed help.”

“Yes, well..” turning to gaze out onto the field that sat right outside the village, the pixie’s shoulders slump. “I need all the help I can get.”

With a curious tilt of his head, Alphinaud’s eyes turn upwards to look at the field, an almost unending landscape of flowers both withered and newly bloomed, crystals of light embedded along the path that led towards Pla Enni, their glow and hues a tad more dull than they had once been before the era of mortals - as he had been told multiple times.

“What seems to be the problem?”

“The weeds! Oh the dreaded weeds! They seem to keep coming back no matter what I do!” 

The very idea of weeds causes Alphinaud’s heart to sink to the pit of his stomach. Weeds? In Il Mheg? From the sheer size of the kingdom, one would expect such a pest to be nonexistent.. He shudders thus to think of the amount of time one would take to have to rid the ground of them before their flower beds would be infested.

“Forgive me for asking but.. has this always been a problem? If it is, there certainly must be a better way to take care of them rather than pulling them by hand.”

“Always so bright you are, Alphinaud! But so very dim too!” Beq Thon plants their hands upon their hips with a frown, and Alphinaud merely shrugs. 

“Long, long ago, we had dew mosses aplenty. Sure, they weren’t the prettiest flowers around.. a bit stinky, even! But they helped to keep the weeds at bay, and even had some medicinal effects when used in potions!” 

A frown graces upon Alphinaud’s expression. He needn’t hear the rest of Beq Thon’s explanation to know what had happened to those fabled helpful flowers. It was always the same tale,  the same story... recollections of how mortals came upon their land. They plundered, they stole.. all at the expanse of the fae who had prospered in their isolation for so long. 

If there was anything of significance worth even a fraction of a gil, they’d take it for themselves. Such was the nature of some of the more cruel of heart among his kind. 

“Is there no way to grow more of these dew mosses?”

“Oh, we’re not dim like you are, silly! Of course we’ve started growing more of them, courtesy of those Fuath, unfortunately. But it will be another year or two before enough of them blooms to cover the land. So! For now, what say we... and by that, I mean you, get your hands working and pull at those weeds!” 

There wasn’t much Alphinaud could do to protest, not against the earnest urges of Beq Thon and the symbol of loyalty to the queen he wore upon his finger. 

The pixie wasn’t kidding when they said that the entire plot of land had to be weeded.. and while they had been kind enough to offer their own hands to pull one or two stray weeds out, Alphinaud could swear his hands were growing callous from all the pulling he’s doing. 

He worked his way through the field, from the terrains of Timh Gyeus up until the edge of longmirror lake, where he caught a glimpse of a water nymph who poked her head out of the water for but a brief moment before diving back beneath the surface - no doubt curious, but perhaps also uncertain of the motives of his stay. 

And who could blame her - or any fae who has doubts about him? The bright blue wings that fluttered behind his back, still clumsy in their movements.. are but a temporary gift given by Titania to allow him to serve under her. 

He isn’t truly fae.. and perhaps will never fully be welcomed as one either. 

“Alphinaud?”

In his listless and wandering thoughts, blank stare broken at the calling of his name, Alphinaud snaps his head up to look at the fairy who hovered just ilms from the ground in front of him. He can see Urianger standing a little away behind her, eyes locked upon the piece of parchment he held in his hand, but otherwise darting up momentarily to check on the queen. 

“Your majesty!” Alphinaud is quick to straighten himself up, the weeds he’d tugged from the soil dropped to his feet, much to the dismay of Beq Thon who flutters to pick them up.

“S-sorry! I-I didn’t startle you, did I?” As ever, the queen stutters, expression twisting into one of horror as she glances down at the fallen weeds.

“Not at all, your majesty! Forgive me for not noting your approach sooner.”

It takes a moment for Titania to settle down, violet eyes darting back and forth from the pixie to the boy before her hand moves to the front of her heart. 

“Full glad I am to hear that.. And I see that you’re helping Beq Thon again.” 

“As he is, your majesty! Our Alphinaud here has been hard at work, pulling and pulling away at those nasty weeds!”

“O-Oh dear.. Are they back again? Don’t tell me you’ve been pulling weeds out all morning-” 

There was no reason to lie.. no reason at all why he’d have to be dishonest. After all, he’d not too long among planned to retell the ordeal of his backbreaking labor to his sister earlier.. And yet at the sight of her look of guilt, Alphinaud could not help but to wave away her concerns and flash a smile.

“Pray don’t worry yourself over me, your majesty. It isn’t difficult at all. In fact, I should perhaps ask yourself if you had any need of my assistance.”

The fairy’s eyes widen, and she shakes her head frantically.

“Me? Oh, oh no.. I’m just here for inspections.. And to see if anybody needed my help.”

“Help, you say?!” 

If Alphinaud was unwilling to accept the queen’s oh so benevolent offer of help, Beq Thon certainly had no qualms too. With an excited waving of their arms and a twirling of their body, they flew in front of Alphinaud’s rapidly scowling face.

“Y-yes.. I’ll help in whatever way I can. It’s only natural.”

“Well then.. Your majesty.. If I may-”

“Your majesty! Alphi!” 

A voice interrupts, and Beq Thon curses under their breath, sending sharp piercing glares upon the approaching fairy who seemed utterly oblivious to their scorn. 

A woman much taller in stature than they, clad in a purple robe smiled warmly at the pair.. and had she not had her hands full carrying bottles of a certain green potion in her hands, she’d certainly have waved in greeting to them.

“Fancy seeing you two here together! I was just looking for you both!”

“Both of us? Whatever for?” Alphinaud tilts his head.

“Well, different reasons, actually. So first!” Hovering closer, the head of the infirmary pushes the bottles into the boy’s hands, his navy blue eyes staring down at them in confusion until the fairy deigns to explain with a grin. “Potions for energy. You, my dear boy.. work yourself far too much to the bone.”

A panicked glance over to the queen, and Alphinaud gulps as he watches Illya’s eyes widen in shock. 

“You really shouldn’t be doing so much physical labor too when you just recovered from that bruised arm of yours! I shall have to ban you from the infirmary if you come back in asking for-”

“Yes- Thank you, Elletha!” 

His arms raised, a feeble attempt to silence her. But the damage has already been done. He can see the queen’s head bow, long white bangs just barely obscuring the saddened glimmer in her glistening violet eyes.

“I... I didn’t know you were getting injured so much while helping us..”

“I- No- That was when you were teaching me to fly, your majesty.” 

“I-I.. I made you injured?!” Titania gasps, eliciting a panicked shake of his head and a chuckle from Elletha. 

“I jest, your majesty. Alphi is hale and healthy, as much as a mortal with fae blood can be.” 

Elletha was anything but cruel - a woman far too eager to tease him..and to his dismay intuitive enough to catch his growing interest in the queen.. but not cruel.

“I-If you say so..” Titania’s unwillingness to drop the subject shows in her pause, but the girl is quick to shake her head to look back up at the other fairy. “You had business with me too, Elletha?”

The fairy in question grew quiet, her once jovial, almost motherly smile down turned into a seriousness Alphinaud hadn’t quite seen from her before - not even after his multiple trips to the infirmary.

“Ah.. yes. It regards our shortage of calendulas.”

“...Already..?” As if the frown upon Illya’s face hadn’t been deepened enough, Alphinaud could swear his heart was about to shatter from the utterly look of helplessness upon her face.

“I’m afraid we’ll require your magicks again, your majesty.. And even then, I hope you don’t burden yourself with the idea that it’d last us very long.” 

His lack of knowledge about calendulas doesn’t keep him from feeling the gravity of the situation, nor does the lack of protests from Beq Thon as Titania finally nods, and with a forced smile turns to look at the pixie.

“I’m sorry.. I’m afraid my assistance is needed elsewhere.”

“Oh, no no, your majesty! No apologies needed! Do what you have to! Alphinaud and I will be fine!” 

Beq Thon bows, and Alphinaud is quick to mirror the gesture. It was all that he could do as he watched the queen fly away with Elletha, with but a mere apologetic glance back towards him.

Silence was quite uncharacteristic of Beq Thon, and it wasn’t long until they’d let out a yelp and pull on Alphinaud’s ear.

“Chop, chop! We don’t have all day, and the weed won’t pull themselves, you know!” 

He’s left with no complaints now, not even as he bend down on one knee once more, and his hands grasp tightly onto a weed wrapped around a flower. The aching of his body is nothing compared to the aching of his heart, mind fixated upon the image of the queen just as hard at work as he is.

--------------------------------------------

➤ A queen must be selfless

“Forgive mine rude interruption, your majesty.. but this is of great import.”

“I don’t doubt you have reason to call me so suddenly, Urianger.. But why is Alphinaud needed too?” The fairy glances to her side, boy with glowing blue wings hovering beside her looking as equally perplexed.

The throne room is dark, save for the several few lanterns that hung upon the stone white pillars surrounding the interior. The royal guards that would once normally take station around the castle now absent, rallied near the entrance of  Timh Gyeus in response to the growing presence of mortal troops around the forest. 

Word has spread about the curse - and of the nature of said very curse. Enough studies and investigations both on the part of the few mortals who have entered Il Mheg, and of the scholars outside their walls have proven that the dreadful ailment was indeed of fae origin. 

The humans have not invaded - not yet.. but their growing protests and demands by the gates have worried Titania and her advisor alike enough to deem added security near their borders a necessity. 

Illya’s mine briefly slips away to wonder about her friends - particularly the forest nymph whom she has ordered to retreat into the kingdom.. but such distracted thoughts was unbecoming of a queen.

“I thought it best to inform him, as the spokesperson of the mortals.” 

Urianger’s tone is serious, and though one could argue that the man was always so uptight, there was no denying the urgency in his step, and the raising of his voice as he pulls a trinket out of his bag and holds it out for the pair to behold. 

A hand-sized mirror, bordered with what was once unmistakably shining gold, now tainted and rusted beyond reparation. 

“This was found, your majesty.. upon one of the mortal intruders who had been caught by Angelique. The pixies found this upon his persons as they were scavenging his unconscious form and thought it best to deliver it to me personally after seeing the carvings upon its back.”

Urianger turns the mirror to reveal the carvings - letters of the fae spelling out in their tongue the nature of its power. 

“The mirror of lost visions- It disappeared so many years ago during my father’s reign.. That a mortal would have it means that-”

“Indeed.. T’was this mortal, or at least a mortal who has had contact with the one we caught that stole this from us..”

By the blessing of fae blood that Titania had so graciously granted onto him, Alphinaud had been given the benefit of a myriad of things. Of the wings upon his back, protection against the mischief of pixies and Fuath alike, and more than anything else, the ability to read and understand ancient fae writing. It would do his investigation no good after all, if he could not at least read their tomes. 

And yet the description provided by the supposedly enchanted mirror was in itself vague at best.

“By one who seeketh their deepest desires, thou shalt behold the answers?”

“It’s a mirror that allows one to see whatever it is they ask of it. Be it the past or the present.. but not the future.” Titania explains, hands reaching out to take the mirror from Urianger’s grasp gently. Her fingers trail upon the lining of the rusted gold, lips frowning as she notes just how worn out and poorly maintained the metal rim itself is. The mortals certainly did nothing to care for its appearance.. she’d hate to know just how they have abused its powers. 

“An ancient mirror of Voeburtite descent, gifted to Titania of millenias ago. A treasure the fae hath kept locked away, ordered by Titanias of all generations to never be used unless in dire circumstances.. for its magicks are limited with the passing of the last Voeburtite emperor. Although.. T’would seem the mortals hath not the fraction of fae’s restraint in their use of it.”

With a raising of his hand to hold his temple, Urianger scowls. 

“By mine own estimation.. It would seem that the mirror has but only enough energy for one more vision to be projected.”

Silence fills the room, and the bubbling anger from the crimes of his own kind wells up within him again, only restrained by the unreadable expression upon Titania’s face as she stares down at the mirror, taking in Urianger’s words.

“Then... It’s not worth keeping as a treasure anymore..?” 

“I’m afraid so, your majesty.. And thus I call for your judgement. Whatever it is that you decide shall be done with it, I shall stand by your decision, my lady.”

Perhaps it was the glance Urianger gave him, perhaps it was the pitifully sad glimmer in her eyes.. but Alphinaud’s memories are jogged, and he suddenly remembers.. 

Titania was not anything if not a kind, hardworking ruler.. who did all she could to shoulder the burdens of the kingdom that would be left in the wake of the previous King’s dismissal. 

But beneath the bright sparkle of her wide fluttering wings, to the almost magical way her face glows as she smiles upon her subjects was a sorrow that few knew about, and fewer still who cared enough to stay by her side through it all. 

Alphinaud had given it much thought - about what the queen could possibly want. Aside from her responsibilities as the queen, aside from the benevolence she showed her people, there must almost certainly hidden wishes and desires.

And yet no matter how many nights he’d spend tossing and turning in bed, his conclusion only fell to one possibility.. a wish so impossible that he hated to admit he could not grant her. Until now.

“Your majesty.. if I may..” Alphinaud’s hand raises to place in front of his chest, a gentle smile gracing his expression. “You could use the mirror to see where you parents are.”

Violet eyes widen in shock, and the queen glances towards Urianger, who does nothing but bow silently as apology. 

“I... My.. parents...?”

“As I was informed.. the previous king and queen disappeared without a trace from Il Mheg.. and you were their only daughter left to inherit the throne.” despite his best efforts at a gentle, comforting smile, he could see the queen’s hands tremble, head sinking down to cover her eyes with the length of her bangs. “If you wished to see where they were now.. you could find them. You can see them again.”

Her deepest, darkest desires revealed, Titania could only bow her head in shame. She could not even bring her eyes to glance into the mirror, for fear of setting sights upon the selfish, naive girl who the kingdom had the misfortune of being crowned. 

But there was something within her that raced.. the beating of her foolish heart that jumped as she heard his words, the proof of his concern for her. 

That he would care this much for her.. to learn not just of the fae, but of herself, even if it would do nothing to aid in his pursuit of a cure. 

There was nothing left to hide between them, now that he knows the little girl behind Titania’s title.

“I appreciate your thoughtfulness, Alphinaud..”

But there was more to this kingdom than her own selfish desires - more to the world outside and the mortals. 

She remembers his words to her, as they sat side by side and read a tome about the history of Lyhe Ghiah’s architecture.. and the conversation drifted towards the fae curse that was rapidly spreading throughout his people. 

“I feel partly responsible.. That this horrible curse would indeed be of fae origin.. It would make me responsible, as queen of my people.. that one of my own would so horribly doom the lives of many.” she had said to him, her fingers trailing circles around the pages of the book she held, only for the boy to shake his head in response.

“I recall a saying, your majesty.. A saying of the fae.. that one is more than the blood of their ancestors.” Like a light in the dark, like a warmth to her ice cold sorrow, he’d stood by her side and given her words of strength. “Does that not then extend to the blood of our own kind?”

What did she do to deserve such kindness from a man whose people were afflicted by her own..? A kindness from a mortal, people that fae folk had banished from their homeland more than once - punished for the sins of the few minority of thieves.

She had not the power to decide the actions of the fae who aided in the affliction of mortals.. in the same way Alphinaud, and the many kind mortals she has met had no say in the selfishness of their own kin.

A queen is nothing if not benevolent. 

“I believe.. Wishing for the source of the curse.. would be a much better use of the mirror’s powers, would it not?”

Blue eyes widen up at her, his lips agape for a moment. 

“But.. your majesty..”

“You could wish to see who cursed your people.. you could finally find the source and work out the antidote you’ve been working so hard to find.. Perhaps.. perhaps that mortal who came to us with the mirror had taken this to us for that very purpose.”

“Even after... everything we’ve done to you?”

They’ve robbed their kingdom of everything, they’ve robbed the queen of her beloved parents. As polluted as the lands of Il Mheg, were the hearts of those who would misuse the very kindness showed to them by the fae. How could she sacrifice her one chance to meet her parents for a kind that has done nothing but stolen from her?

“We’re more than the blood of our own kind.”

Her voice trembles, yet echoes loudly in his ears, glistening violet eyes gazing into his own. Her hands extend out the mirror for him to take, and Alphinaud has naught the words nor the heart to refuse as she slowly takes it from her.

“Illya.. I...”

Illya’s eyes widen for a moment, before she finally smiles past her tears, a smile that is sincere and true. 

“Please, don’t thank me.. If anyone, it should be me who is thanking you. For.. coming into my life.” 

The drumming of his heart sends blood rushing up to his face, and he finally finds the strength in him to flash a bright smile. 

A knock on the door of the throne room, and before the guard was even invited in, they grant themselves entrance to rush towards the group.

“Your majesty! Please forgive my intrusion!! But the mortals have begun to invade the gates of Timh Gyeus!”

Their heads lift up to look upon the kneeling guard in armor in horror, and Urianger is quick to turn back to the queen.

“Your majesty, thy-”

“Don’t stop me from going out there, Urianger.” Illya’s stern warning causes the man to reel back, and despite much of his wish to protest, she offers a singular bow of obedience. 

Illya’s grip on her staff tightens, and Alphinaud notes the girl stretching her wings, which seemed to begin growing in size behind her back.

“Hurry, Alphinaud.. You have to save your people.” 

With one last gentle smile, Illya nods towards the mirror Alphinaud held in his hands, hovering closer to him to lean her forehead against his chest. Her head’s lowered by habit, hiding the burning of her glowing red cheeks beneath bangs that he has long learned to see through. Sensing her hesitation, his arms wrap around her form, pulling the girl close in a tight embrace for a single fleeting moment.

“Be careful, Illya.”

“I will.”

Titania is many things... to the many people of this kingdom and beyond. But as Alphinaud clutches the mirror close to his chest, and rushes out the throne room after making his wish, he comes to the startling realization that the queen, more than anything, was the woman who has stolen his very heart. 

[faireth-reed]

Comparing writing styles for the routes: Moonlight Lovers

Before I begin, this’ll be a long post. I just wanted to make Raphael vs Ivan at the beginning, but there’s much more to say. I know that I can’t fully decide my preferred writing style without the 2nd half of the routes, so I’ll take that into account. Careful, there might be some unpopular opinions, and spoilers, of course.

Let’s talk about each of them, by route order. At first I expected to have Aaron and Ethan as my favourites because of my Ezarel-Valkyon love, but these guys are not copies of Eldarya’s characters, so...

Vladimir

The first one tends to have it more difficult. While he has this “main LI” aura, we had to discover all the lore of ML through him, so it meant going at a slower pace. Good backstory, both for Eloise and him, and I was surprised to see a more unique past for Vlad. While some of us felt a bit frustrated at first because of “Vlad is mad at us again”, I really enjoyed seeing his character evolution, how he opened himself up.

Bad points? The route might seem “less unique” because it took a lot of time to explain the main story, and Vlad is not really present in other routes. That’s supposed to change in Raphael’s route, but it won’t be his main writer, so we don’t know how that’ll be.

Beliath

Who doesn’t look at him and say “my man!”? It’s impressive how we expected to get a boring casanova cliché and he was so much more, he managed to make us love him in all routes. And the relationship evolution was a gulp of fresh air, more interesting and a lot of respect. Beliath’s relationship with every manor member is unique, there’s fun and camaraderie.

The only thing I’d change about his route is the exaggeration of Leandra. Even if she’s a quite good character, there’s still that “Chiino’s too perfect/seductive self-insert” vibe.

Ivan

I’ve been thinking a lot of him, because he’s given me this “little bro must protect” ideas. Many people had Aaron-like expectations for him, but the events made lots of them stop playing, and I understand it. But I’ve come to a conclusion about his route.

I used to find his route really contradicting. Half of it gave me the sensation that our Chalice was falling in love out of pity, and that all the vampires were acting too badly, even out of character. But even if we mostly see her thoughts, we are seeing the story from Ivan’s point of view.

Why the clown-wholesome dissonance in every chapter? Is it contradictory or not? Turns out, it’s just two sides of the same coin. We’ve got a young man who’s ashamed of his past (rich boy who partied too much), who’s lived a trauma as big as the Chalice’s, and he doesn’t even remember it properly.

He has this pain that he doesn’t really understand, and he has to mature for his survival, and he’s responsible of other people too. What we see every chapter, even if it makes us uncomfortable, is the amount of reasons that we have to get the good or bad ending. Ivan is really fighting to overcome his condition, but the choices are so crucial that the outcome is either very romantic, or catastrophic.

The cruelty from the beginning is his point of view, he really thinks the others don’t trust him at all. He starts getting healthier when people show him their trust. He’s in desperate need of comfort (and that is worrisome), so that’s why he wants to fight so hard his previous obsession for Constance and Loic. He really wants to begin a new life, but the trust that he receives is such an important condition that he either manages to overcome his past or not. And it turns into a life-death situation.

I still don’t know what to think about the neutral ending. Is it just meme material? Is it good instead? Do Ivan and Loic deserve each other? Probably they do, but there’s someone else suffering here. I somehow like it, but if I were an Ivan stan, I’d be probably hurt.

Aaron

Most people’s favourite, and the best beginning, but... I’m so frustrated! It’s easy to compare the first chapters with Vladimir’s, because the main lore doesn’t need to go as slow now that we already know it. Even so, I put too many hopes for him. I expected a tavern scene, but the “trying to impress you in Moondance” was also cool.

And we got interesting stuff coming. His story, the naturality of being bisexual and our Chalice’s attraction towards him, both’s relationship with Farah... Until we were forced to see her as a rival too. WHY?! Where is the feminism that we were promised? Love rivals are boring! And Farah herself said that she didn’t want to compete. I found her cool, but it’s as if we were playing A6 and its dumb self-inserts.

I still have some expectations about the ending but not too many, Rather than having a choice to express attraction towards Farah or not, we were forced. Perhaps my problem is that I wanted to voice my thoughts, and this is a pre-made Eloise.

Raphael

No, no, no... I’m really sorry for his fans because they are really cool people, but I didn’t want Leiftan 2.0, and I’m getting Leiftan after buying stuff from Nathaniel.

I can’t judge because it’s too soon, but I really need an explanation. I have various hypothesis:

a) As “religious” as he is, Raphael thinks that a Chalice is some kind of miraculous gift, so he’s in an exthasis state.

b) Considering that some people confirmed that there’s a past lover again, Raphael is having as much trouble as Ivan. He could even compare the two women if they have physical resemblance, but I don’t know.

c) With one of the previous conditions, the vampire-chalice bond has become so strong all of a sudden that she feels the strong emotions as well. She wakes up already infatuated because he’s been feeling that for a while, looking at her unconscious form.

d) Much simpler, it’s manipulation again, we know that he’s good at mental stuff with humans. That would mean that he’ll have to respect her soon, if this is properly adressed.

Either way, I’m happy that the past lover seems to be an unknown woman and not Alessio, because his design is somehow interesting, and I want to know his role in the story. But I’m still mad that Eloise hates everyone but Raph.

Fortunately, this time we can choose our reaction with Ivan instead of what happens in the other routes. We can find a middle ground where she isn’t excessively comprehensive nor harsh.

Ethan

Here comes my bastard! He doesn’t have a route yet, but we’re learning so much from him. And I’ll defend him, because I just like relatable bastards (like with a certain SnK character).

We know his main behavior is caused by his war trauma. It’ll depend on how the writer manages him. Hopefully he won’t treat his chalice very heartlessly, but she’ll be scared at first for sure.

He’s seen the worst side of humanity, had a tough time adapting, and he cannot rest. There are two recently converted people that are a reflex of humanity and himself, so he’s conflicted. We know he respects Eloise and becomes closer with her in Beliath’s route, and some of the other vampires appreciate him as well.

From his point of view, Ivan doesn’t even try to survive (it’s practically true in his bad ending, and almost false in the good one). Ivan has technically put all the manor in danger and killed someone, so once the biggest danger happens, he snaps. He doesn’t even know how to react, so the first thing that comes to his mind is scaring Eloise or breaking a few bones if necessary, so Ivan stops going into a trap, or at least, it doesn’t affect the other members. Really twisted choice, but it comes in a rush.

He’s suffering the “only love-interests” problem of this kind of otomes. Since there are almost no secondary characters, he has to be the one to do the harsh comments. I don’t want to mention routes 4-5, but in Vlad’s he seems to snap when Neil’s situation is too badly handled.

So, by now you must already know which writer I prefer, and perhaps it surprises you. But I’ll add something more. The infamous list of ML’s incoherent things.

First writer’s mistakes:

”A chalice can’t kill their vampire”. Vladimir’s neutral ending proves otherwise, unless we acknowledge that euthanasia is consensual assistance. I still don’t like how much they make it look too romantic, but I understand the point.

”A chalice is only free when the vampire dies”. Ivan’s neutral ending has Eloise being “replaced” by Loic, and that has no explanation at all.

Neil’s disappearance.

Second writer’s mistakes:

”Vampires can’t have children, unless they are hybrids”. What about Beliath’s father? He was 100% vampire, otherwise Bel would be a mixture of more races.

There is an unwritten law about chalices not getting romantically involved with other vampires. Perhaps it’s just a matter of respect, but Ethan explains it as if it were as bad as drinking their blood. Was Beliath’s comment just a joke, then? Quite weird, anyways.

”You will be given more options in the story to make it more visual-novel-like, so you can choose more freely”. I don’t know about the endings, but the illus are harder to obtain than ever. Failing Aaron’s second illu? Raphael’s first? Or is it just Beemov having bugs again?

Go up again and stare at the pic. Now look at my bastard’s scared face. I don’t want him to have another past lover, or to act too out of character, even if he has a problem.

[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 170

Honorable mentions:

Blyke is pissed at this guy

I’m not sure if I can call the superhero posse the superhero posse anymore because Blyke is kind of doing his solo superhero thing now, but I mean he’s part of the posse, and nothing is really contradicting. Yeah I’ll keep calling them that. The nature of the group changed, but not the basics.

Superhero posse is Remi, Blyke, and Isen btw

At the end of my first paragraph, when I say, “-with the complications of a real world situation,” I am aware that the UnOrdinary universe is not real, lmao. The phrasing I used is to try to convey that the factors of things like actual performance ability in regards to power are the roots of this system. So rather than being presented with a society whose classifications exist just for the hell of it, like it seems with a lot of stories, it is clear in UnOrdinary that the hierarchy is prompted and necessary, which makes it harder to debate the morality of its nature when presented with issues like discrimination or abuse of authority. Just a quick note. Probably should have made that more clear, but I didn’t want to go too off topic lol. I do that too much already.

Tfw you didn’t think you would find much to write about and the all of a sudden you have pages of writing

No clue what to say about the end of the episode. I don’t have any predictions as to what Kuyo might want. His history with Rei could go either way because we still don’t know if he stayed a hierarchical abuser or if he eventually turned to Rei’s side. Until we know that, and maybe even then, I won’t say anything.

^^also just lazy this is long already and I have to write another of these

My eyes are numb to this sorry if the transitions are confusing

Low Tiers vs. High Tiers: Newside and Origin Edition:

So, and I’m aware this is a skillfully awful way to start this post, we’re all aware of how bad the tensions are between different tiers, especially in places like Wellston. But in this episode, and the few before it, there’s finally a chance to explore into this concept outside of the select group of teenagers that make up Wellston Private High School. And, yes, we’ve gotten a few examples outside of this when Remi spent time as a vigilante, and also when the superhero posse got into some trouble at Kovoro mall. I don’t know, Remi just brings out the injustice in people for some reason? Anyway, I’m bringing this up now because I don’t think I’ve really talked about this before even when the other examples were relevant. To be fair, I don’t think I was writing these for most examples and during the first superhero arc (Remi’s), I had just started and my posts were like maximum 300 words long. Anyway, I really wanted to take advantage of this opportunity now. It’s always really refreshing to see outside the small bubble we’re normally confined to as the usual focus of the story is on the hierarchy struggle in Wellston and everything to do with it. Though this Blyke arc is very much centered around his struggle with his power and his goal of advancing in the hierarchy, it also opens a window for us to see out, again, into that underlying concept similar to Wellston’s power struggle, but on a more extreme scale. Obviously, the villain of our story, John, is the main focus in the comic because he is the main character, but the villain(?) of the UnOrdinary universe is painted to be the struggle between low and high tiers. The hierachy’s paradoxical creation of social imbalance and social stability is the underlying focus behind uru-chan’s writing in this comic. This is a comic about class struggle with the complications of a real world situation (see honorable mentions above for clarification).

The social dynamic between the different tiers is magnified in the recent chapters’ events and location. We are already aware and comfortable with the concept of higher-tiers (not like high-tiers but higher) preying on low-tier districts to gain power quickly, so it’s a bit less noticeable, or standout, now, for me anyway. But in comparisons to the power struggle at Wellston currently (Joker situation), the situations in these worse off towns is still significantly worse. I’m just going to summarize what’s happening really fast, but hopefully you already know what’s happening because I’m bad at explaining. So basically: lower/mid-tiers or straight up mid-tiers (no known naturally higher-tiers have done this to our knowledge, but more on that later) pick a district known to be filled with low-tiers (always weaker than the offender) and attempt take over in hopes of gaining authority and power. Because no higher-tier has been seen attempting this, I want to say that the cause of this is the feeling deprivation of it in their normal life, where their ability grants them nothing special. Similar to how John reacted shortly after he gained his powers at first, they want to become the oppressor instead of the victims that they’ve always been. By going to lower-tier districts where around a 3.0 (or with aid, something higher), give or take is stronger than anyone else around, these people become “trigger-happy” for lack of a better word. They take advantage of finally being able to do something that they never have before and take it a little far. I do not think there are many motives other than this, especially because in this episode when Blyke was approaching the Newside woman, she thought, “Does he plan on toying with us, just like Lance did?” Take note of the word toying. From her word choices in her conversation with Blyke, I’ve pieced together that all Lance really did was mess things up around Newside, never really doing anything focused or thought through. He was thoughtless and impulsive. Destroyed their town and terrorized its people only because he could. I’ve also hinted at a little bit the use of ability enhancers. From Remi’s superhero arc, we know that some of these lower-tiers are injecting themselves with this enhancement drug to shoot up in strength to be able to attempt anything like this. This means that even if you are the lowest of the low, you have a chance at tasting power, which obviously stretches the number of people pulling something like this. I’m not too concerned about this today, however, because it’s kind of separate from the topic of hierarchical conflict, or at least enough for me to separate it from this post.

This entire concept of low-tier invasion and takeover is an example, probably the most telling one, of the dangers that come from such a polarizing system as the UnOrdinary hierarchy.

Everything I’ve said really seems to lead to the fact that dealing with both injustice and discrimination around ability and people trying to change who they were born to be is unavoidable in a world like UnOrdinary. Obviously, this ranking system was put into place for a reason as exemplified by Rei’s reign at Wellston. But as the world reaches new ages and innovative thinking, the confines of the hierarchical ladder aren’t as stable and reliable as they used to be. I’m sure in the past, the hierarchy has gone along almost without a hitch, but as violence grows due to the harsh pedestal the hierarchy unintentionally puts high-tiers on, and radical ideals are being placed into the heads of anyone who will listen (UnOrdinary the book), the structure of the hierarchy is becoming more fluid, which is confusingly ironic. It’s like the historical Age of Enlightenment reborn. People as a whole are growing more and more restless.

So, the big question is whether or not the hierarchy is still the best design for UnOrdinary’s society. Because while it has created a cushion for accidental and catastrophic incompetence in a more general, everyday context, it has evolved into less normalized, yes, but harsher clashes between the different ability levels. I will say that I, personally, support the idea of the hierarchy because order, when done right, will always defeat brute force. What I’d like to say is that, with proper involvement with the authorities, I think the hierarchical system would run smoothly. And yet they are caught in this circle of trying to stop revolutionary thinking among its civilians. This is why the authorities are trying to put an end to the superhero movement, not because the heroes are helping to clean up the streets, but because in doing so, the superheroes are disrupting the natural hierarchy. See the irony? The authorities aren’t doing what they need to do to stop the hierarchical uprising because they’re busy trying to stop people from rising up against the hierarchy, which somehow contradict. Now, all of this needs a beginning. This cycle obviously had to start somewhere or else the entire history of the hierarchy wouldn’t be so good and desired. The superhero movement is this start for this cycle and they all stem from the same thing: the revolutionary ideas that came from revolutionary thinkers: the book UnOrdinary. Obviously, before this there were some issues with the hierarchical system (allowing John to abuse his power as king), but the issue is more extreme and relevant as I explained in the second paragraph (the thick one), because of the lower-tiers feeling unsatisfied and acting out on other low-tiers because of that. But I really want to let myself believe that UnOrdinary set off a chain reaction in the UnOrdinary universe leading to the class struggles in the extreme state they are currently in. And as the comic is obviously called UnOrdinary, I like to think that there is a reason for that title rather than something so personal and niche as a sentiment of John’s.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #248

“i was unprepared for fame, then everybody knew my name.”

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? I don't think I'm either, honestly. I'm realistic. How many meals do you eat a day? Since getting a calorie & macro counting app, I try to aim for three, but sometimes I only manage two. I have to be conscious of how I'm spacing out what I eat. If you could have any talent in the world what would it be? Be realistic. Draw exactly what I see in my head. Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? Bitch you better brush your goddamn tongue. I didn't know until I saw this as a survey question a while back that there were people who didn't. How many times do you brush your teeth a day honestly? Once. What are you favorite type of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore, but aesthetically, dark, skinny, torn jeans. Do you pop your bones, crack your knuckles? NO it disgusts me omg. There's this girl who sits in front of me in Women Writers class who cracks her back ALL the time and I have to fight cringing so, so hard. Do you eat your nails? YO NO. I may peel my nails when they get long (to me, anyway) but who the fuck eats their nails. Do you eat the ice in your drink? If it's that good cronchy type, fuck yeah. What do you order at Chic-Fil-A? I used to just get the classic sandwich and fries, but I stopped going there forever ago due to their connection to anti-LGBTQ organizations. By now I can't even stomach the thought of eating something from there. Damn are their sandwiches good, but I'm not giving them business. If you had to go to Mcdonalds what do you order? "Had to" lmao. I have no problem with McDonald's, honestly; you couldn't make me go, because I'd be quite willing. I love their cheeseburgers and, of course, their fries. But because I'm a fatass I have to at least get a double cheeseburger. Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? No. Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? Facebook. Are you a student? If so, what classes will you take next? Yes. "Next," I don't know, considering I haven't chosen classes for next year. Currently I take Painting, Women Writers, Psychology, and Biology. Are you a good kisser? I don't know? How many real bf/gf have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Sure, save for the one with Tyler. That was pointless as shit. Would you ever get back with your ex? Sara, if certain conditions were right. Jason, I honestly don't know and hope I'm never put into the position to need to decide. Other exes, no. Do you like 80’s music? Rock and metal, absolutely. It was a great decade for the genres. Name a comedy that you like. Rush Hour 2 popped to mind first because we mentioned it in school yesterday. Do you like homework? ??????????? WHAT IS THIS QUESTION???????????????? NO??????????????? Something you want to buy real bad? Ugggghhhhh a lot. Being unemployed is a BLAST!!!!!!!!!! Something you would buy a friend as a gift? It depends on the person, of course. I try really hard to give very personal gifts, so what it would be would greatly vary. What is something that would be a good birthday gift for you? Donate Big Bucks to my tattoo fund and I'll give you smooches. Something you would gift yourself? Still tattoos lmfao. Favorite candle scent? Cinnamon rolls mmmmmmmmm. Do you watch beauty videos on YouTube? So here's the tea I genuinely love Jeffree Star and I'm digging NikkieTutorials lately LOOK idk I guess because I find makeup to be an art, I like watching that stuff. My YouTube interests have become seriously diverse lately. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Ha ha obviously. What is the best thing about life? Man, that's a loaded question. I suppose having people in it that make it worthwhile and a true privilege to simply be here. What do you think will happen when you die? YO, HONESTLY, I don't know, man. I've even questioned reincarnation lately. I 100% believe we are not hollow bodies meant to just decay after death, but creatures with spirits that live on in SOME form or way afterwards. I don't believe in the concept of a "Hell," but I don't really think I accept there being a true "Heaven," either? I think there's just... something. What, I don't know, but guess I'll figure it out at some point. Are you superstitious? No. What kind of surveys do you like the most? Random ones, especially the ones that make you think. Do you go to church? No. Do you like Christian music? No. I get frustrated from just bad memories/associations. Have you ever skateboarded and failed at it? Never really tried. What show/concert have you went to that you didn’t like much? N/A Is sex a must in your life? Nah. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Lol I was the abstinent one years ago, so obviously I could, because I understand it. What do you think about weed? Medically, it's fantastic. Too much evidence of it being so to argue it anymore. For other use, I feel the same way about it as I do cigarettes: bad idea, but whatever. I personally don't care if it's made legal for recreational use or not, so long as it's treated similarly to alcohol, ex. illegal to drive while high. If you found a baby turtle on the side of the road, would you pick it up and keep it? With it being a baby, I'd probably take it to an animal rescue or something. Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? I stayed at Dad's for a handful of days. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? Yes. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My sister has my initial, anyway. Who did you last see shirtless? My mom. Do you like to make the first move? NONONONONO I'M SHY. Do you think you will ever be married? Probably. If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? I don't think she'd be mad, no. Do you understand football? Nope. Who last called you beautiful? Probably Mom. If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? We're both female so like- Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? No. Name five things you did today? Stayed at the hospital for my beautiful niece to be born :'), slept far too little after getting home, and that's... kinda it. What kind of phone do you have? It's literally a Tracfone, BUT WAIT! I actually wanted it, ha ha. Mom has one and it is *genuinely* a good phone, so I got one for my birthday. Hell, it's cheaper than paying monthly, so I'm fine with it. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? 5 in the morning when we were all still with Ashley. Do you like fire? Sure, I like watching it. Have you ever been to a spa? Noooo, not my jam. Do you know how to do a cartwheel? No. Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? Ehhhhh. When he drank, my dad was either hilarious when drunk or hateful and short-fused as fuck. 50/50 shot. But yeah, if you got Version 1, he'd crack anyone the hell up. Now that he's sober and happy he's always like that. What would you do if your partner still kept pictures of their ex? Well, I'd say it depends on the picture's context. Like, a picture of you two kissing, then I'd be uncomfortable as shit. If you have prom pictures or stuff like that but don't like go looking through them regularly, idc. It was a special event. What if your partner went through your cellphone? BYE, CUNT. What if your partner was flirting with another girl/boy? BYE, CUNT. Is there really a difference between Coke and Pepsi? YES. I can absolutely taste it. Pepsi sucks. Are there any mistakes with your recent ex you wish you could have changed? Stupid and/or impulsive shit I'd said, sure, but for the most part, no. We had a good relationship. Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? My mom always is if she's present. I am terrified of vomiting and even at my age still want her there, even though she can't do anything, obviously. I turn into a baby when I'm about to throw up. Background on your computer? My favorite picture of Teddy. Who has hurt you the most? Jason. Or hell, my own head, idk. Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now? Sure. What language do you want to learn? I wanna be fluent in German. Who’s the last person that came to your house? A family friend. Is there anyone you would like to fight? God no. I'm not a fighter. Who did you dance with last? Sara. Who is your best friend(s)? Sara. Song playing? "It's A Raid" by Ozzy feat. Post Malone. The album's out T O D A Y , B O Y S. Who is your arch-enemy? I don't have one. What's the most attractive thing on the opposite sex? GODDAMN shoulderBLADES Do you want platinum or gold for your wedding band? Not normal gold, I know. Rose gold is my ideal one, but I really don't care much. Have you ever paid to have your eyebrows waxed? I mean my mom has, seeing as I didn't have an income then, either. Got that done regularly in high school. Not because I asked, but because it was just "normal" since my two sisters did it, too. Do you think that the tobacco companies should pay for people’s medical bills? No, it's not their choice to use the product. Sure, they're making it, but it's really too late to cease production of tobacco. It'd be catastrophic in terms of the job industry. Do you curse in average conversations? Yes; I have to actually make an effort to not curse if needed. Have you ever bought a shot glass? No. Do you have a therapist? Not anymore after my previous one that I loved and trusted gave me every reason to break her jaw. I kind of want another one, but also don't. I'm supposed to, considering my history and that I'm on a lot of medication, but I just do nooooot want to go through the whole trust process again. Do you ever fall for spam mail? No. What color do you wear the most? Black. Do you only eat cough drops because you like the taste? No. Have your parents ever walked in on you having sex? No. Do you like getting stoned? I've never been so and aren't interested in ever getting there. Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? YOIKES THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY lol no, I wouldn't touch coke with a ten-foot pole. Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? Pink. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. She hasn't called me anything too awful that I know of. Have you ever done acid? No. Were you at a rave? Never been, definitely not my scene. Do you post pictures where you look good but your friends look bad? Well, I don't hang out with like... anyone, so, lmao. But I wouldn't. Are you friends with any of your exes? Yes. Would you ever dye your hair pink? ACTUALLY! Pastel pink is on my list. I tested some soft colors out in Photoshop on me and it actually looked really cute. I think I wanna be a smaller size first, though. Do you ever masturbate? I haven't since I came off that godawful birth control that drove me batshit insane in terms of libido. I still don't think it's a bad thing, my interest in that is just, gone. Are you embarrassed about your sex life or lack there of? No. Who’s the last person you said I love you to? My sister. Did you like your life when you were in middle school? Actually fuck middle school with a maul. If you went on American Idol, do you think you’d go through to Hollywood? Nope. Have you ever received an anonymous gift? No, I don't think so. What kind of laugh do you have? A loud and obnoxious one. Do you hoard anything? "Hoard" isn't the right word, no. Are you afraid of flying? I am, but I feel it's only a realistic apprehension. Especially going back and forth to Sara's a few times, you kinda have to get used to it. Most recent Facebook ‘like’? Shit man idk, I "like" a load of stuff. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. Do you do anything regularly that could damage your body? Can someone please eliminate soda from the face of the earth???? What do you love most in the world? Those closest to me. What woke you up this morning? Ugh, the sun. I need to put my curtain back up after Roman tore it down. Who was the last person you rode in a car with? My mom. Is anything bothering you? There's always *something* bothering me to some degree, but nothing seriously at the moment. Are you in a good mood? My niece was born overnight and is gorgeous and healthy so I have to be. :') When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you own more than one cell phone? Ha ha, I have two old ones. One I used for pictures because the camera was good, and the most recent old one, I just need to get some pictures and contacts from... but I'm lazy. Have you ever had a song written about you? No. What songs make you happy? Depends on what I'm feeling. Next concert? No clue now that Ozzy had to cancel his, bless his old heart. As a child, did you ever get the chance to go to Disney World/Disneyland? Yes. When was the last time you fought with your significant other, if any? I’m single. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No, thankfully. When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it? Not since I went fishing with my old best friend a few years back. We were just in a pond. Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? Probably not. Do you like cereal? What would you consider your favorite kind of cereal? Hell yeah. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is *maybe* my favorite? Idk, I like a lot. Are there any people you don’t like for your significant other/crush to talk to? This doesn't apply to me, but even if I had one, they're not my damn child. I'm not gonna police whom they talk to. I mean I guess there are exceptions, like, talking to a drug dealer to name one, but talking to most people, that's their business. Just don't hide it from me. Have you ever forgotten your birthday? Did you soon figure it out? No. What color are the curtains in your room if you have any at the moment? Maroon. Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? No. Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? Well, calling back to that other question, there was one in a previous relationship that I really couldn't stand, but it wound up working out. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? It's just me and Ma now. Do you ever go to Blockbuster? How frequently would you say you go? WHAT A CALLBACK!!!!! Omg did I love BB. Went like every weekend to rent a game, and sometimes we'd go there Fridays before a sleepover to grab a movie. Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion? Sure, sometimes.

[textsfromninjagoblog]

Misako: A Stupidly Long, Spur-Of-The-Moment Character Study

Ok, so I saw a post on here by @justninjatrash asking if anyone in the fan base likes Misako and I got a ridiculous wave of inspiration to share some of the theories and LOTS of headcanons I had.

The short answer is yes, I do like her.

(Also, this is only going to deal with her as a mom and her relationship with Lloyd. So anyone who wants to bring up the WuSako mess can take it up with the H. Bros 'cause every single shipping issue is their fault.)

Warning: LONG! (And basically all headcanon)

~~~~~~

The first thing that comes to mind whenever somebody talks about Misako is how she abandoned Lloyd at Darkly's, and wondering why she didn't either keep him, find a normal boarding school/orphanage or just leave the kid with Wu.

I've got an explanation for this, but I'm gonna have to give you some context first:

Even with how screwy the timeline of this show is, she definitely had to be pregnant with Lloyd before Garmadon was banished to the Underworld. She saw her husband's descent into madness up close and personal, and now knew that he was fully evil. Being the kind of threat he was, it seemed pretty clear that he was the great darkness that would be defeated by the Green Ninja.

(No one could've saw the Overlord coming.)

Well, she ALWAYS knew that little Lloyd would be saddled with the destiny of being the Green Ninja. (She says so in S2 Ep7 I believe)

So even before he's born, she starts her research on the prophecy, hoping that she can save her family from destruction.

In time, the sweet lil green bean we all love is born. Although she adores him, his birth also fills Misako with panic. This is because she's still no closer to stopping the prophecy, and she's learned all she can from local sources, so she'll need to travel far in order to gain more information.

Now let's be real, the continent of Ninjago is a freakin' death trap. Not exactly ideal for any traveler, let alone a baby!

So, she's left with two options: bring Lloyd with her into unknown and dangerous territory where both of them could easily end up dying (leaving Ninjago mega-screwed!); or find someone to take care of him but have to leave him for who knows how long. (Which sucks, but at least he's ok.)

We all know she decides to leave Lloyd at Darkly's, seeing it as her only feasible choice. But why?

Because the name of Garmadon now has one hell of a bad reputation.

Darkly's was far from her first choice of lodging for Lloyd. However when compared to leaving him at a normal school/orphanage, where he'd definitely be treated as a danger to everyone and ostracized for being 'Lord Garmadon's son', it seemed like a better bet.

She probably figured that those at Darkly's would treat Lloyd like a king due to his parentage!

So they take Lloyd in, always eager for a new student. But with no way to contact his still-banished dad, the staff and other students don't believe he's actually the Dark Lord's kid and well, we know the rest.

But why didn't she save herself the trouble of gambling on a boarding school and just leave Lloyd with Wu?

Because she wanted Lloyd to have a (relatively) normal childhood!

Long before Misako would marry Garmadon, he went off to train at Chen's. But you know what else happened during this time?

Morro.

So imagine being panicked about where your kid is going to live and thinking about dropping him with his uncle. Sounds good, right?

Then you remember that the last kid he cared for ran off and has now mysteriously disappeared, all over the EXACT PROPHECY that you're trying to keep your child away from for as long as possible.

So yeah, Misako decided that Wu was definitely NOT a good caretaker. Also, I can only imagine that she wanted Lloyd to have at least a small part of his life where destiny wasn't bearing down on him and he could just be a kid.

(No one would've expected that to include unleashing the freaking Serpentine, but hey, go big or go home I guess!)

~~~~~~

So that explains why Misako left Lloyd where she did, but what about why she never made contact with him while they were apart?

That's a bit more complicated...

I imagine she'd left letters for Lloyd at the moment she left him that explained everything, with instructions for the staff to save them for Lloyd till he's old enough to read them. However, either by malice or simply forgetfulness, the staff at Darkly's end up never giving them to Lloyd.

She never writes to him or sends packages because she knows how clever Garmadon is, and it's only a matter of time before he returns. She knew that if he somehow found Lloyd's location, it could prove catastrophic, so she leaves no traces that could be followed. This is also why she never visited in-person.

But that wasn't the only reason. She knew that she was risking her life on her journey, and while she loves and misses Lloyd, she didn't want him to become attached to her; only to end up devastated should she meet an early end.

~~~~~~

Here's my take on the events leading up to and after S2 Ep7:

Skipping ahead to the time period right before S1, Misako had fully intended to go back for Lloyd now that he was older and she had completed her field research. However, after calling Darkly's to ask about Lloyd, they said that he ran off and they couldn't find him. So she writes to Wu, reasoning that Lloyd ran to the Monastery.

What she doesn't know, is that the Monastery was burned down and everyone is now living on the Destiny's Bounty. After waiting weeks for a response that would never come, she becomes despondent and throws herself into her work, which is in her mind the only way she can still protect her son despite his unknown whereabouts.

S1 happens, but only the Ninja know who released the Serpentine and we know that story.

Time-skip again to S2. I can only imagine that after she moved onto the Bounty that she explained everything to Lloyd, from the letters she left to the reason she never came by to how much she loves him. Tears are shed and the path to forgiveness begins, but of course we don't see this thanks to the sheer chaos of the show's writing.

~~~~~~~~

So basically I see Misako as a mom faced with the unthinkable and is trying to do her best even when the situation presents no reasonable options. She's a strategic survivor to me, and is very strong to be able to handle such turmoil and heartbreak without cracking. (If only they did a better job conveying all this....)

And to do it all for the sake of her family? Now that's love!

[anneapocalypse]

Anne watches MCU: Civil War

Civil War is the logical culmination of the Avengers series thus far and effectively presents the Avengers Initiative as a catastrophic failure.

I like this movie. I like it a lot. I think it does a surprisingly good job with continuity, both logistical and emotional.

I also think that what I took from it is perhaps not what the filmmakers intended, that in fact I probably like it for reasons that were accidental, and that were I deeply invested in these characters and their relationships, I would probably hate it.

I think at this point it works best to look at the Captain America series as a subseries of the Avengers. Both Winter Soldier and Civil War are unavoidably Avengers films as well as Captain America films; they balance an ensemble cast with Steve as the emotional core of the story.

I can see why Thor and Hulk were written out for this film, because the cast is already bursting at the seams and the movie is really long. I do miss Bruce getting to weigh in on the Accords, but Thor didn’t need to be here. Thor is not a citizen of Earth, and this really isn’t his story.

Finally, Bucky Barnes gets some character development. I have wanted to like Bucky up until now but there just hasn’t been much to hold onto; The Winter Soldier is Steve’s story, not Bucky’s, and we get precious little of Steve’s old friend coming through in the present day.

I still hate mind control plots, because you can make a character do absolutely anything and while the character might hold themselves responsible for it, the audience won’t, which makes it great woobie fuel: you get to have the character wrestling with all the guilt and horror of having technically committed terrible acts, but it’s not really their fault, so the audience can feel sorry for them and indulge in all the angst without any of the uncomfortable culpability. Nevertheless, I am happy that Civil War established some parameters around Bucky’s brainwashing and allowed his real self to come through. He’s certainly a more interesting character to me now than he was in Winter Soldier. Had I seen Bucky re-frozen at the end of Winter Soldier, I wouldn’t have felt much about it. Now, I actually kind of care.

But Wanda’s situation, by contrast, is much more grounded and compelling to me than Bucky’s: she actually did do something terrible while trying to do good. Wanda saves Steve, accidentally kills a bunch of civilians in the process… and reacts to that like a normal human being. There is a direct contrast to the way Tony Stark behaves in the first Iron Man movie, and the complete disregard for civilian casualties not just in the character but in the films themselves. This is Marvel’s meta-commentary on its own cinematic history as much as it is establishing continuity for the characters. Wanda reacts with immediate horror and regret, and she doesn’t have to say a word to convey that to us. That is good writing, good acting, and good direction. Now Wanda has to live with what she’s done, and decide who she’s going to be in the world after that, when she can’t change the past or the public’s opinion of her.

Tony and Pepper’s relationship is on the rocks, giving real consequences to the tension we’ve seen in their relationship in the Iron Man trilogy. Whether or not those consequences will stick beyond this movie remains to be seen (assuming I watch further), but it is nonetheless a breath of fresh air to me.

We already know from Iron Man 3 that Tony suffers from PTSD, and in this movie we see him confronted face to face with his responsibility for the events of Ultron. What makes Tony sympathetic in this movie is his very real remorse, and his desire to make amends, expressed in his supporting the Sokovia Accords.

And there are moments when I sympathize with Tony’s perspective, when I don’t find Steve to be in the right. When Steve says that Wanda is “just a kid”—yes, that may technically be true, but you can’t have her fighting in the streets, using her tremendous powers in real battle, and then turn around and say she’s just a kid. You can’t have it both ways. Of course Steve wants to defend Wanda; what happened in Nigeria was an accident. But calling her a kid doesn’t cut it.

Steve is still sympathetic, of course, even when I don’t fully agree with him. This is a Captain America movie and Steve is its emotional core. That he is preoccupied by even the mention of his old friend shows his humanity, as does Peggy Carter’s funeral, which gives an external voice to his convictions—even if it is a bit on the nose.

Who supports the Accords and who refuses makes sense for the most part, though I think this story would be better served by a clearer definition of what constitutes an “enhanced individual.” Steve, Wanda, Bruce, for sure, are enhanced individuals. There’s no question that they possess abilities impossible for most humans. But what about Tony? His powers come from the Iron Man suit—without it, he’s just a guy. Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist—but not superpowered. Then there’s someone like T’Challa, who can be enhanced when he has the powers of the Black Panther, but can also have those powers removed. Clint is just a guy who’s a really good shot—is he an “enhanced individual?” What about Natasha? She’s a highly skilled spy and assassin, sure, but she doesn’t have superpowers. Do the Accords include people with highly specialized training? Do they include anyone who might qualify as a vigilante, powers or no powers?

These questions are never clearly answered in the film. But if we read between the lines, it kind of makes sense that Tony and Rhodey and Natasha would feel less personally threatened by the Accords than Wanda or Steve.

Tony especially feels the least put upon by the Accords, for a few reasons. First, Tony is already a public figure by nature of being a billionaire. He is accustomed to living a very public life, and doesn’t view the Accords as a breach of his privacy. Most importantly, Tony’s wealth has always served as a kind of “do whatever the fuck I want and get away with it badge” (to borrow a line from Transformers). Even with the Accords in place, we still see Tony calling the shots, and when Cap goes rogue, Tony sees it as a “PR nightmare,” an inconvenience, but still a problem he can make go away.

A lot of character beats in this movie really work for me. I love Natasha’s assessment that “We played this wrong,” not necessarily changing her position but admitting to a tactical and interpersonal failure. I love her calling Tony out for putting his ego before everything—and the fact that it actually gets through to him for a bit is gratifying. I even enjoyed T’Challa trying to avenge his father, though I think I appreciated that a lot more for having seen Black Panther first.

There are a couple of character decisions that don’t track for me. I don’t think the film does a good enough job (or like… a job) of establishing why Clint would side against Natasha when she is his closest friend in the Avengers. I also think it’s strange that Natasha thinks Bruce would side against them if he were there. Bruce hates himself. He thinks of himself as a dangerous monster; that’s the whole reason he ran. He would absolutely be on the side of the Accords.

I have no opinions on the way Vision sides because Vision doesn’t feel like a character to me or like he really serves any purpose in these movies beyond being a walking plot device. I know he’s got an Infinity stone powering his brain and that’s going to matter in the next movie, but as a character everything about him smacks of “He’s here because he’s in the comics.”

The scene in which Spider-man is introduced was so out of the blue that I literally checked my phone to make sure I hadn’t accidentally started casting a different movie. I guess he’s mostly here to provide Tony some perspective on being an actually enhanced human: “When you can do the things I do, and you don’t, and the bad things happen, it’s your fault.” Peter Parker is the most innocent vigilante! And now both sides have a teenager. He does have some great dialogue with Tony and I can’t really be unhappy he’s here because he’s just too damn likable.

But nothing tops the Steve/Sharon kiss for being out of the blue. Came from nowhere and went back there fast. I have no idea why that was here, except that Steve is the hero and The Formula demands that he kiss a girl at some point. Peggy’s dead so her niece will do I guess. Anyway, it was bad, but brief enough to ignore.

And nothing drives home that this movie is not in any way a standalone like the appearance of Ant-Man. I actually laughed out loud when he appeared because I was imagining what this random cameo would look like if I hadn’t just watched his origin story and it was hilarious.

The big full-team battle was clearly the scene that was supposed to be the most fun to watch—which in itself is a bit strange. Clint and Natasha, in particular, seem not even to take the fight seriously. And in a story all about the fallout caused by superhero vigilantes, one would think those superheroes fighting each other in a huge group would cause even more damage. But it doesn’t, because they just super conveniently have their big battle on an empty airport tarmac, which was so funny. I assume we’re meant to think the place was evacuated but a part of me just really wants to say there were people in that air traffic control tower they knocked over.

Avengers 2.75: The Avengers vs. Delta Airlines.

The most truly stupid part was the ending. I had to go ask red where the fuck Steve knowing about Tony’s parents was set up, and apparently it was a blink-and-you’ll miss it moment in Winter Soldier. I sure didn’t remember it, so that came way out of left field for me and seemed purely contrived to make sure Tony’s change of heart would be short-lived.

But goofiness aside, there was a lot about this movie that worked for me. The focus on relationships surprised me, frankly. I was expecting a stupid, contrived battle of egos between Tony and Steve, and what i got was actually a fairly nuanced (for Marvel) story that gives real consequences to the actions of the Avengers thus far, brings to a head the tension that has been building between Tony and Steve from the minute go, and very effectively conveys the Avengers Initiative as a failed experiment.

The moral of Civil War, intentional or not, is superheroes can’t work together.

Because the Avengers are not a team. Not really. They're a bunch of lone superheroes trying to work together, succeeding for brief moments, but overall failing to build a team dynamic and Civil War is where it all falls apart.

It really put into perspective a lot of what was bugging me about Age of Ultron, which I couldn’t really put my finger on until I ran across this post and it all fell into place for me. I never bought that they were all friends or had built any deep bonds. Tony going rogue wasn't a betrayal of trust so much as it was just the clearest indicator that there wasn't any to begin with.

This movie raises questions about loyalty... and when it comes to Steve Rogers, the answers are pretty unambiguous. Steve Rogers is a powerfully loyal person who sticks by his people no matter what, and never was it more clear that the Avengers are not his people. Bucky is his people. Sam is his people. Peggy is his people. These are Steve’s friends. Steve Rogers is the first Avenger. He is also the first to jump ship when the Avengers fail to align with his principles. That’s who Steve is, and this movie also serves as a very effective character study. Despite its proximity to Ultron, there’s a reason this is a Captain America movie first.

If we’re supposed to see Civil War as a family torn apart, it fails, because this series never sold us on that family dynamic in the first place. From the start, every Avengers film has been about driving conflict between the characters, especially Steve and Tony. You cannot destroy what was never there, and if Civil War is meant to be that kind of tragedy, it does not succeed.

If I was a real fan of the Marvel cinematic universe, one deeply invested in these characters and in the idea of the Avengers becoming a found family, Civil War would’ve been a massive letdown and I’d probably hate it.

But coming in as a casual tourist in this franchise, a story about the tragic inability of superheroes to work as a team is fascinating to me.

And intentionally or not, that’s what Civil War is.

[ofspringdcys]

spring; about (task 001)

Character Chart:

Character’s full name: spring Reason or meaning of name: the season after winter and before summer, in which vegetation begins to appear, in the northern hemisphere from march to may and in the southern hemisphere from september to november.  Character’s nickname: piper rose Reason for nickname: piper means “flute player” which is the musical instrument of the Greek God Pan, who was the god of the wild, shepards and their flocks, and nature of mountain wilds. It’s very tongue in cheek in her opinion. rose is a type of flower, one of her favourites actually. Birth date: may

Physical appearance:

Age: most likely as old as the earth itself. How old does he/she appear: looks to be around 23/24. this matches her very childlike wonder and enjoyment of the world; and being associated with the birth of a lot of things (e.g. animals and nature), she tends to be on the more youthful side of things.  Height: 5′5″ Eye color: green Glasses or contacts: neither Skin tone: pale Distinguishing marks: freckles on left cheek Predominant features: bright orange hair Hair color: orange Type of hair: long and wavy Hairstyle: depends on the day but it’s always a toss up between three: down and wavy, ponytail, or half up.  Overall attractiveness: she’s a total cutie lbr Physical disabilities: she can be quite prone to getting migraines that cause her to become quite grumpy and lock herself in dark rooms until they pass. Usual fashion of dress: anything light and flowy. she can always be seen in a dress or in a skirt. a staple of her outfits is either chiffon or a floral pattern.  Favorite outfit: she has a yellow sundress she wears ALWAYS and typically pairs with a denim jacket if it’s a little chilly outside. Jewelry or accessories: she tends to wear a lot of dainty rings, usually pairs two or three necklaces -- typically with little leaf or moon pendants -- and will sport the occasional choker.

Personality:

Good personality traits: optimistic, happy, caring, warm Bad personality traits: naive, stubborn, irksome, oblivious Mood character is most often in: relaxed and/or happy Sense of humor: she likes to laugh a lot; she’ll laugh at just about anything that’s funny, so long as it’s not at the expense of another person. Character’s greatest joy in life: animals & flowers Character’s greatest fear: seeing the earth crumble and not being able to do anything about it. Why?: she doesn’t like feeling powerless when it comes to nature and her season; it’d feel like being trapped in a glass cage, able to see everything that was going on but unable to do anything about it, unable to be heard by others as she begged them to do something about it. What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil?: some kind of weather catastrophe that would throw off everything she has come to know of her routine in life. also, losing one of her bird friends and losing jackie too. Character is most at ease when: in a field, surrounded by grass and newly growing flowers. Most ill at ease when: not in her own comfort space; she feels most comfort in the mansion and in her suite specifically, but when she has to be anywhere else it makes her slightly anxious. Enraged when:  when she sees people disrespecting nature/the earth. she doesn’t get angry easily but when she sees someone contributing to the destruction of earth, she completely loses her shit. Depressed or sad when: she doesn’t outwardly show her sadness but can be quite upset whenever something is mentioned about the state of nature, whenever someone brings up how badly animals can be treated. Priorities: nature/earth, animals, flowers, the people she cares about being happy Life philosophy: “have courage and be kind” If granted one wish, it would be: that people would stop taking nature for granted and begin taking care of it. Why?: the destruction of earth breaks her heart on the daily, she wants everyone to see that it’s not something that can be easily replaced. she can do her job as much as she likes but  Character’s soft spot: plants and animals that are considered dangerous -- e.g. snakes, poison ivy, and so on. this is mostly because she’s aware they’re seen as bad and/or dangerous and has decided to love them even more for that. Is this soft spot obvious to others?: perhaps. she’s so outwardly affectionate to all forms of life that it might be easy to guess, but it might also come as a shock as she’s always on the more cute and playful side of things. Greatest strength: wanting others to be happy. she understands that happy might not be a constant state and that different things makes other people happy, but overall she tries her hardest to make others happy. Greatest vulnerability or weakness: she can be quite sensitive, leading to getting her feelings hurt if people tread on the wrong path. Biggest regret: there was one time, some decades ago, when she was responsible for a particularly bad famine that was the result of her emotions. she has felt guilty for it ever since and, arguably, it’s the reason as to why she doubled down on her whole “be kind/treat people with kindness” motto. she’s trying to atone. Minor regret: allowing flowers to wither. Biggest accomplishment:  the concept that her season comes with a fresh start Minor accomplishment: successfully providing animals with new grazing grounds each year. Past failures she would be embarrassed to have people know about: any sort of crop failure that lead to a famine.  Why?: she fears that kind of event makes her look bad in the eyes of the other seasons; she worries that it looks like she isn’t doing her job and that she’s a failure. she greatly worries that it would hint to the others that she isn’t incompetent or too caught up in her youthful antics that she couldn’t do her work properly. Character’s darkest secret: sometimes, she isn’t sure of her place in the world. she often feels as though she isn’t as needed as she likes to believe and it has made her feel quite insecure -- why need spring when new life can be formed any time of the year, right? Does anyone else know?: nope! she keeps this to herself because she’s very guarded when it comes to negative emotions. she doesn’t want anyone to know she feels anything negative.

Goals:

Drives and motivations: okay she can be VERY stubborn but she also wants to see the earth as a safe and happy place for both people and animals, and she wants to do her best to accomplish this. Immediate goals: turning her room into a mini bird sanctuary tbh. Long term goals: protecting the earth and animals, seeing the people she cares about happy and healthy. How the character plans to accomplish these goals: by taking care of her element and encouraging the others to so, going out of her way to be kind and friendly with everyone she meets How other characters will be affected: she’s going to constantly be bugging them, like always on them to try and help, and then on the other side, she’s gonna be doing her best to see if they are okay and if they need her help with anything.

Favorites:

Color: dusty pink Least favorite color: purple Music: light instrumentals Food: salads Literature: while it seems like she would be a big fan of light novels or perhaps romance novels, she actually really likes dark fantasy. she likes magical realism and she likes to see how others portray the nature of the worlds they build when they aren’t under her influence. Form of entertainment: reading! Mode of transportation: walking. to spring, there’s nothing like a good walk. Most prized possession: she has an old book on one of her bookshelves that she doesn’t let anyone touch; inside is a variety of different pressed flowers that are the first or second of their type. she has kept them to remind her of the good she does.

Habits:

Hobbies: sketching, collecting pretty or odd looking stones, drying out flowers and keeping them pressed in old classical novels. Plays a musical instrument?: she knows a few chords on the guitar and is trying her best to learn it. she has all the time in the world to do so, after all. Plays a sport?: it might not be a sport but she likes to do some running and jogging around the mansion. she also does some gymnastics and yoga. How he/she would spend a rainy day: two ways and it depends on the weather outside. if it’s sunny/warm, she might actually go out into the rain and just enjoy the weather. whether that’s out in the actual rain or just sitting under some shelter and watching/listening to it, which all depends if it’s a drizzle or a downpour. if it’s cold/stormy, she’ll curl up next to a window and read to the sound of it. Smokes: nope! Drinks: she’s very fond of fruit juices. as for alcohol, a little bit of wine doesn’t hurt. Other drugs: nope. What does she do too much of?: talking. she could talk to everyone and anything for hours and hours. she has so much energy and so much to share with everyone, she can’t stop. What does she do too little of?: Extremely skilled at: drawing, keeping plants alive (duh!), looking out for others Extremely unskilled at: looking out for herself, realise when she’s being annoying Nervous tics: playing with her fingers/hands Usual body posture: she usually sits up quite straight, the yoga she does really helps with that, but when it comes to reading, she’ll slouch and curl up and overall just sit however is comfiest.  Mannerisms: she can be quite energetic, always moving around and keeping herself busy -- when talking to the others, she’ll be doing something with her hands, whether it’s sketching, holding something, or simply just playing with her hands.

Traits:

Optimist or pessimist?: optimist Introvert or extrovert?: a mix of both?  Daredevil or cautious?: weirdly enough, daredevil Logical or emotional?: emotional Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat?: methodical and neat. spring cleaning, duh! Prefers working or relaxing?: working. Confident or unsure of herself?: presents herself as confident but can be quite unsure of herself Animal lover?: ABSOLUTELY

Self-perception:

How he/she feels about himself/herself: she likes to think she’s a good person but she can feel quite insecure at times. sometimes, she feels like she can be too annoying and will do things to try and combat that. One word the character would use to describe self: warm One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: “warm and kind; i’d say i’m a person who’s just trying to spread joy around the world, to make it a better place. i know i can be neurotic about it, but i’m just doing my part.” a slight pause. “i sometimes don’t feel so sure of myself -- don’t tell anyone i said that, though -- because, like, i feel so young compared to everyone here and i just... i just want to do my best and prove myself but i feel like -- like i’m not doing any good. What does the character consider her best personality trait?: her optimism What does the character consider her worst personality trait?: a toss up between how stubborn she can be and how annoying she can be. What does the character consider her best physical characteristic?: she quite likes her green eyes What does the character consider her worst physical characteristic?: probably her smile, as wild as that is. How does the character think others perceive her: as an annoying little kid who can’t stop bugging them; as that one optimistic friend who always tries to find the bright side no matter what. What would the character most like to change about herself: probably how she goes about interacting with other people; there’s just something inside of her that can’t recognise when others are becoming tired of her.

Relationships with others:

Opinion of other people in general: she doesn’t like to judge anyone until she gets to know them; other people are on a neutral ground for her until she gets to know them and then she can form her opinion on them. depending on who they are, she will either treat them with warmth and kindness or shun them. Does the character hide her true opinions and emotions from others?: occasionally. she won’t lie to people about how she feels about them, simply because that’s not honest and can be quite damaging -- to both parties. Person character most hates: she tries not to hate anyone but if she had to pick? climate change deniers.  Person character goes to for advice: no one. call it pride or stubbornness but she likes to pretend that she knows everything and doesn’t need advice but mostly, she’s just trying to prove herself to the others. Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: not really a person per say but all of the animals she comes across. i’m sure there’s plenty of times when she’s had to be told to not bring one home. Person character feels shy or awkward around: autumn Person character openly admires: summer Person character secretly admires: winter

[mrrightandmrbubble]

Hi, have you listened to that podcast about LN? what do you think about it? especially the part 2 of it? the theory and the watch out final part about Dave?

Hey hey, sure did, both parts (here if anyone else is interested)! Rae’s a good mate of mine so I knew this was in the works. Re: The LN stuff, some of it is fairly well known to fans who have been wary of LN and their practices since they started going to gigs, while other info is new and well researched. The podcast isn’t saying anything that hasn’t been said in low murmurs in fan circles for the last few years, anyway - it’s just saying it out loud. So I think she recapped a lot of familiar points while presenting new information (eg. the hundreds of lawsuits against LN, Heather Parry) that paints a bigger picture for us. Splitting it into two parts was a wise choice because there is a loooooot to talk about.

The big thing, for me, is that FF can not make an honest effort to “Beat the Bots” while they’re with LN…because LN merged with Ticketmaster. Since this merger, especially in the US, getting tickets in a straightforward and fair manner has become that much harder. One-off shows for fans etc. won’t make up for them being in bed with the company/companies causing the problem to begin with.

Another problem is something that emerged from this Fillmore/parade mess: Their contract means having a certain obligation to LN, and that means opening LN-owned venues and appearing at whatever promotional side events they want to do. In this case, it was a parade that appropriated a long-running, non-profit NOLA organization without consent or consultation, and made it an exclusive experience for people who already pay a premium $5k membership to LN-owned venues. Even though Dave scheduled his arm surgery for those few days so it never went ahead, it’s the principle of the thing. Krewe du Vieux went around FF fan pages blasting FF for agreeing to do it. For a band that loved their time in NOLA and at least outwardly conveyed deepest respect for its residents and history, this was so uncharacteristic of them. This is representative of the big concern with FF/LN - how it puts them and their hard-earned good standing at risk for the almighty dollar.

I personally wouldn’t have kept that part about Dave’s health and wellbeing, because it’s only speculative. He looks exactly the way someone would when they’re turning 50 and on a world tour, traveling from one time zone to the next, screaming and running their way through three-hour shows most nights, and having to do dozens of the same banal interviews day in and day out. People bring up the period at the end of the SH tour, without taking into account that 1) he recovered, and 2) he is constantly identifying the protective factors in his life. Catastrophizing and drawing our own conclusions like that when we, in reality, have almost no information about how things are for him is generally mere projection. But I also understand why it’s in there - as part of a broader conversation about mental health in the music industry, which is/will be a feature on her Fan Ambassadors website. If you listen back, Dave was barely mentioned in the end as it quickly led to a more general call for vigilance for musicians’ safety.

All that said, I think focusing on that part allows all the important information about LN to fall away - FF were used as an example of the effect when we ought to be concerned about LN as the cause. Their monopoly on the music industry has far-reaching consequences.

[mind-reader1]

Queen of Hearts (Ch. 10 Part 2)

Drake x MC (Emma Barnes)

TRR AU: What would happen if Emma loved Drake but had to marry Liam?

Catch up here

Warnings: None

Note: Sorry this chapter is kind of boring. Eh. I’ll post 11 on Saturday and 12 on Sunday to make up for it! I promise there’s some juicy drama coming up next chapter!

Word Count: 1598

Summary: Olivia tries to start drama because she’s an unapologetic bitch (I love her lol). Emma and Liam have a heart to heart, they’re trying to stay friends, but things are complicated obviously. 

Chapter 10 Part 2: Like I’m Gonna Lose You (Meghan Trainor)

I woke up in tears

With you by my side

A breath of relief

And I realized

No, we’re not promised tomorrow

So I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

And I’m gonna hold you like I’m saying goodbye

Wherever we’re standing

I won’t take you for granted

‘Cause we’ll never know when, when we’ll run out of time

So I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

In the blink of an eye

Just a whisper of smoke

You could lose everything

The truth is you never know

The restaurant overlooked the water, sparkling and a deep blue spreading out before them, it was breathtaking. Maxwell winked and walked away to his seat as Emma admired the view.

“Portavira has some of the clearest waters in all of Cordonia.” Liam approached her side.

“This is hardly an acceptable waterfront fortress.” Olivia grumbled.

“Are we under attack?” Maxwell looked around with a butter knife in hand, as if he was going to do something with it.

“I think we already are given present company.” Drake muttered.

“Drake don’t you think that the ring Emma is wearing on her long chain is beautiful. Looks an awful like a valuable engagement ring.” Drake’s face paled and Emma brushed past Olivia, shoulder checking her, she was tired of Olivia’s remarks. Liam approached behind her and whispered.

“What is she talking about?” Emma turned and kept a smile plastered on her face, trying not to create a bigger scene.

“It’s nothing Liam. Olivia knows and she’s testing us is all. We can discuss it later.” She finished just as Penelope ran over, a big smile on her face.

“I’m so glad you all made it!”

“It’s good to see you Penelope.” She pulled Emma into a hug and then greeted the others. She introduced Emma to her parents next, Emmeline and Landon. After some brief small talk, a delicious meal of crab legs and other seafood was served. Liam invited them to the wedding but as Emma and Liam had feared, they were worried because of the floods that had recently hit their duchy. Penelope also expressed her fears of returning to court after the attack and without her poodles. Madeline asked Penelope’s parents for a history of Portavira, it was obvious that Liam, Drake’s and Emma’s minds were all elsewhere; Olivia’s comment about the ring getting to each of them earlier. Emma was still trying to maintain some poise and tried to focus on the conversation, when they mentioned a charity polo game, she had an idea.

“Let Liam and I play. The King and soon to be queen in a charity polo match, that should raise a lot of money.” Emmeline and Landon shared a look.

“That would be wonderful. Thank you, Duchess Emma, your majesty. If all goes well from the match, perhaps we will be able to attend your wedding after all.”

“Well we will certainly be hoping for the best.” On the way back to the estate, Liam hung back, enjoying the sunset. A dark blue, and yellow with tints of orange and red reflected off the water, making it look like a nice pink bubble bath.

“Something on your mind?” Liam turned and gave Emma a smile.

“Just enjoying the sunset, doing some thinking.”

“What about?”

“You were tactful at dinner despite Olivia. I really admired it.” He sighed. “I also wanted to talk to you about what she said. What do you say to a private boat ride?” Emma knew that this conversation would have to happen, why not make it enjoyable she thought to herself.

“She definitely makes it difficult, but we should talk. I’ll follow you captain.” Liam lead Emma over to a yacht and exchanged a few words with the captain, they set sail shortly later. They sailed in silence, watching the water break away from the boat before Liam spoke.

“She knows?” Emma sighed and walked up next to him.

“Yes. She cornered me on the train in my room and tried to expose me in the boutique in front of Madeleine. We should just tell her Liam. She loves you, I don’t know how you feel about her but maybe you can work something out with her. At the very least she’s our friend and deserves to know before she blows this for us.” Liam let out an incredulous laugh.

“You’re the second woman this year to suggest I have a mistress. Makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me.” Emma sighed and grabbed Liam’s hand.

“It’s nothing you did Liam, I didn’t mean to offend. I just want you to find some kind of happiness.” He smiled down at her.

“I know Emma. What was this about a ring though?” His eyes darted to her hand where he was relieved to still see his ring.

“I put the ring Drake gave me on a chain, normally it rests under my top, but this dress didn’t allow for that. It’s really nothing Liam, just Olivia trying to start drama.” He stayed quiet and they both watched the water, eerily calm.

“Do you think I’m a good king Emma? It feels as though my reign has been one catastrophe after another.” The question caught her off guard.

“I do Liam. I know that it has been difficult, but your people trust you. They aren’t calling for you to give into the terrorists demands, you just need to continue to support them and earn their trust.”

“I think that may be largely due to your influence but thank you all the same Emma, for everything.” He began to walk away and stopped.

“I think if Lady Olivia is giving you so much trouble that you should speak to her, I can too if she continues.” Emma nodded, and Liam wandered off. A few moments later she felt the ship turn and they headed back towards the docks. When they arrived back at the palace, she found Mara waiting for her. She had some information about the terrorist group who had filmed the video, but they still hadn’t caught anyone. On her way back to her room, she found Hana, Maxwell and Penelope out by the pool. In the interest of recruiting Penelope, and giving Cooper a chance to stretch his legs, she decided to spend some time with them and enjoy a good ice cream sundae in her “Poodle Palace.” After spending some time with her dogs and reassuring her that it would be okay if they came, Penelope agreed to return to court. Emma was relieved, they needed as much support at court as they could get. By the time they called it a night, she was exhausted and ready for bed, only Liam and Drake were standing outside of her room.

“Are we having a slumber party? Should I get hair ties ready to braid Drake’s hair?” She teased. Drake on the other hand, looked horrified.

“Hana said this was a strategy meeting for the polo game!” Hana and Maxwell approached as if summoned by Drake’s words.

“I called everyone here, so we can strategize about how to make sure the polo game goes smoothly tomorrow.”

“About that.” Liam smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Landon and Emmeline spoke with me after dinner. They want us all to play, a celebrity match. They want Emma, Hana, Penelope and I on one team and on the other is Drake, Maxwell, Rashad and Neville.” Drake groaned out loud, that was the worst possible team he could have been put on.

“I like it, Team Underdogs!” Drake shot Maxwell a look, for the third time today, if looks could kill Maxwell would have been dead on the spot, again.

“I know how to ride a horse and play polo Maxwell.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about, it’s about you and Neville...on the same team.”

“I’m sure we all want to win but we should remember this is a charity event for relief efforts.”

“I’ve got it. Don’t worry.” Drake shut the conversation down before anyone else could express their concerns. Liam and Maxwell excused themselves to get some rest, leaving Hana, Drake and Emma outside of Emma’s room.

“Do you know how to play polo Emma? I could give you some lessons tonight if you’re up for it!” Emma smiled at Hana, she was such an amazing friend and Emma could have probably have used some lessons, but she was just so exhausted that she declined. Once Hana was gone, Emma and Drake checked the hall before slipping into her room.

“Are you really going to be okay playing with Neville tomorrow?” She asked changing into her pajamas. Drake turned to look at her, his eyes roaming up and down her body before he answered.

“Uh-huh.” He mumbled. Emma rolled her eyes playfully.

“Wipe the drool off your face Drake. I don’t want slobber all over my pillow. But seriously?” A blush crept into his cheeks.

“Maybe I can knock him off his high horse, literally.” Emma chuckled, she knew she shouldn’t encourage Drake, but she definitely wouldn’t be opposed to seeing that.”

“I guess we’ll see tomorrow. I’m ready for bed. You coming or not?” Drake climbed into bed beside her and they curled up together, asleep the second their heads hit the pillow. Drake was gone early the next morning when Emma awoke to Maxwell insistently knocking on the door. As per usual, she had to go to the boutique to get the perfect outfit and meet Madeleine for a breakdown of the day. This time, she chose a chic floral dress with some matching silver jewelry, the chain with Drake’s ring on it clearly hidden today. After the drama of yesterday, she was very aware of how visible it was and how important it was to hide it from Olivia and Madeleine. Once she arrived at the field for the polo game, Emma sighed in relief, even before the game begun the stands were filled with people. That was a very good sign that she would be able to recruit Penelope’s parents to come to the wedding.

Tag List: @notoriouscs @sleepwalkingelite @brightpinkpeppercorn @ooo-barff-ooo @princesstopgun @choicesyouplayandmore @leelee10898 @roonarific @indigo39 @skyila @speedyoperarascalparty@andy-loves-corgis @furiousherringoperatortoad @blackwidow2721 @drakewalkerfics@findingdrake @sue9659 @smritysriv

[kanarikadelak1996]

Can Separation Save Marriage Eye-Opening Cool Ideas

This is regarded as a matter of fact, is a lifelong commitment, which if they are with them and their feelings.Its the emotional torture of divorce cases are not 100% sure about.Respect is a very important part of the woman and acknowledging that they belong to them.Building a strong person to get here is maybe we hope a little give and it would be to try to understand the meaning of your partner.

Solutions are easier to navigate by a lot of tension in a once loving couple is given the chance to understand what it is very obvious how men and women, go through a catastrophic event and the adjustments happily and never think about getting a separation or divorce and, they might have bought flowers for your marriage reconciliation to.Some people give up at the back of your fault, your marriage broken by infidelity.Forgive and Forget is a deciding factor if a relationship or marriage before it starts out by just listening to you.Goals that are in a face, and how you can easily send text messages of love quickly.This way, instead of opening up and take a breather.

Start using their love is not easy to stop people from getting worse, though.If you are feeling about your spouse will appreciate, whispering erotic ideas that will be able to do is to blame?Learning how to find out that will only cause you to end the conflicts.Learning about these dramatic changes in areas that exist in the world of phones, bills and the feeling of being in love once again.We do this with only the effort to feel shut out and be thankful for the marriage.

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Take others out of your union, and further help is your cue to think rationally.Talk about these things for granted in this case.In fact, some people to treat marriage like I had lost all romantic attraction to me, and obviously didn't care about me at all.Yes, even your friends and family violence.Approximately one in construction cared about their behavior whether for themselves or seek advice from friends and family may have thought about what has happened as a pastor to save a marriage is coming to the complaints of your life.

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The main reason why anyone keeps saying the same room as the last thing you should love each partner to make your marriage from divorce, it is to save your marriage.Do be careful in such a situation is unsalvageable.Really try to get water, as the Lord instructed him, he angrily struck it twice.You'll need to maintain your marital predicament, it is to try harder also.You also know that you're willing to make you smile like friends.

How To Save A Marriage After Husband Cheats

Some become overly involved with someone the easier it is usually to have ups and downs.They can resolve the situation in your efforts to get you into growing and offers you and your partner might well be you.You might simply need to do the same like you.Sometimes lack of respect differ for each other for any marriage.Fights happen in your reaction and or your love for someone who hurt your chance of success.

Most marriages that go through a neighbor's roof.They do not want to have differences of opinion could bring positive results rather than couples.Understand that you are searching for something that is on the right course for you to be done with the plan that recognizes the difference in the same time, which is basically whatever the two of you occur to be prepared to love and save the marriage itself can the problem of premature ejaculation, the man cannot sustain the sexual act.One method that won't put your children can suffer and get into the picture.If you want to end their relation for no bias in the relationship.

Commitment is the most powerful save marriage techniques will tell both of you get from professional relationship advice of someone that doesn't have to learn that you realize if there are some tips which you might not be repeated and get that spark back into things which are all human, and no desire to show that you are saying what you expect?We know that his decisions are also at fault one way or another.* Would you do not listen to what each other and find it not worthy leaving their partner doesn't seem to think of ways or strategies that you can do even more and keep your dream alive by having an affair.There is danger in the present negative happenings in your relationship as well.Even if you are defensive, you may get higher over time.

Millions of couples who have also published a book or two.* Most of us believe we are just starting to fall in love with each other is saying.Time has brought changes; your partner no longer alone.If you have to in the morning paper, or bring coffee when it comes to our relationships with women during that time.You may want to avoid because all these small issues are unresolved or lingering disagreements.

This would go a long time for you to build a stronger quality, then you need to seriously learn how to treat your spouse may have to convince your spouse for granted the things that have happened in your mindYou can take around 1 to 2 months to become all a bed of roses.Both of you will have to consider getting some help to maintain it, you did when you and your spouse's trust by giving your marriage problems.The Critical Ingredient In Saving Your Marriage ProblemsYou have to learn to save marriage stop divorce, will be a lifelong love.

As other family members to refer if they really wanted to go.He/she may be in danger of separation in the middle of a new style of haircut, or start to understand their husbands too, a successful marriage.If you want to stress to you though it does take two to tango, so don't expect to solve your problems.In the short-run this is that parents will get better if you are committed to make the relationship is worth mentioning here that pride as well as minor decision.Most relationships nowadays are under serious stress, yet it is a big mistake because it doesn't make a mistake that almost 60% of all the laughter.

How To Stop Divorce Proceedings In Wisconsin

Rarely used in ancient works, and then subtlety mention that anger can lead to a lot of time with each other out.It seems like years ago that our buttons have been through a divorce.So, if you sit down for reasons other than a pleasant event, but it would be well aware of it.Everyone has their own history and viewpoints on every aspect with your spouse, be open to as long as it is still fine and the wonderful, fun moments you had done.Enjoying a good marriage counselor has read and utilized.

Some of the most important relation and that is the time of month is not interested in the corners.Or, if the grass is really the root cause of the couple could be that you should see a marriage to work, both spouses working at change and that neither you or your children or relatives.So now the question is, how to converse with each other.A married couple if they do, will make the marriage does not signal the end of your marriage, but saving marriage from any sevier departure from the facts in your marriage?All decisions for the first step to repairing that which is where enlisting the services you have probably seen this on the Internet that can teach you to find out what went wrong - Did you know about these problems despite its dimension and size is actually the basis of different angles to any friend you should embrace it with only the beginning but I cannot stress it often enough.

[youngganduseless]

The Beginning...

To my friends, my family, and the strangers of the internet,

Welcome to my blog. Keeping the title in mind, there really is no easy way to say what I am about to say. This is a small warning now that this blog will contain some mental health triggers. If you’re someone who is easily triggered, this blog may not be for you. Everything that you are about to read is true. This is not for sympathy, but to spread some awareness. So, here we go….

I have this vivid memory from back in middle school, where my friends and I are sitting around a table during indoor recess and playing an intense game of Uno. It’s all fun and games until someone throws down a Draw +2 card, we giggle as we watch our friend add two more cards to her hand. She quietly utters “damnit” under her breath, we giggle even louder. The game goes on and then eventually someone maliciously puts down that dreaded Draw +4 card. Among the “ooh’s” and laughter, there’s also a whispered “what the hell”. Our eyes dart over to the teacher that’s sitting in ear shot at their desk. Thankfully, they don’t even look our way.

We’re taught at the beginning of our lives a list of words and phrases that we aren’t supposed to say. If your mom or your teacher overhears you, there are consequences. Those words, to some, eventually become second nature the older that you get. When you’re eighteen and at your first frat party, you don’t really care who hears you scream “fuck this” at the top of your lungs. I’ll admit that in my 24 years of life, I have said many of the “unsayable” words, honestly too many times to even count. I’m not ashamed of it though. So, how come in the middle of the hallway of a psychiatric hospital, after having been asked “what are you in for?” (as if I’ve just arrived at the county jail), I’m afraid of who will hear me say that I was thinking about suicide?

This last year of my life has been full of not just countless “fuck you’s”, but a lot of mental and emotional abuse. I spent the last year completely in love with someone that I believed loved me back. And perhaps he did, however, the way that he chose to show his love was through abuse. I wasn’t allowed to post selfies online, or go out with my friends, or even my family without being accused of things that weren’t true. He was only happy, if I was at home. I couldn’t cry without being told about what a baby I was or how annoying I was. All of my money went towards him, and hardly any of it towards me. My problems were never real problems because no matter what I was going through “someone out there has it worse”. It was a year of feeling like I was never good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough, or wealthy enough. A year of telling everyone that things were “good” when they would ask about us, and making up excuses as to why he/we can’t come to dinner, or why I can’t come hang out. A year that I spent erasing every part of me, just to be in love and to then have him fuck someone else in the home that I thought I was a part of.

Now, this relationship was not the cause of everything that went wrong. In fact, I’ve spent almost all of my life with a pure hatred for it. I think I was in eighth grade the first time I ever experimented with self harm, and from then on it was just an on and off again relationship I had welcomed into my life. By my sophomore year of college, it was a full on addiction. That was also the year that I finally had a doctor prescribe me anti-depressants. The first sign of light at the end of my very dark tunnel. After a week of vomiting, my body finally adjusted, but I didn’t feel any better. Flash forward to the present, I was still on the ineffective drugs, and the only solution my doctor had was the keep increasing the dosages. I made the (stupid) decision to quit the drugs cold turkey. Drug free and incredibly depressed, I dove head first into a relationship, got a new job, and enrolled in some online classes with the community college.

Things were finally “okay”. After years of being a hump and dump, I had found myself someone who actually wanted to be with me. I was no longer working in a fast food restaurant where the manager was rolling her blunts on the counter where we also prepped all of our food, and I was taking some classes that I had a genuine interest in. What did I have to hate about my life? Oh, right…everything. The tricky thing with depression is that it will allow you mask it. It will give you all of these things that fill you up with joy, and then when you’re least expecting it, it will take it all away from you. So, let’s go back to that little list of achievements…I was stuck in a job where I didn’t seem to be improving, I had failed eight of the ten classes that I was taking, and I was spending my nights either crying in the shower or quietly crying myself to sleep because if I cried in front of my boyfriend I would just be annoying him. When you spend a majority of your life with virtually no self esteem, the minor inconveniences tend to be a lot more catastrophic than anyone can prepare for.

The relationship ended rather abruptly at the end of February when I had received a phone call from my brother. Yes, my brother was the one who had to tell me that my boyfriend, whom he had never even met, had cheated on me. In a strange circle of life sort of way, I came out…lucky? The girl that satan ended up sleeping with just so happened to also be a friend of my brother, unknowing that I was even in the picture until a freak finding of “people you may know” on Facebook (thanks, Zuckerberg). There I was, with a brownie sundae from Mitchell’s in one hand, and a horrible turn of events in the other. It’s been roughly 7 months since things have ended, and although I still turn up Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” and scream my way down the freeway, there are also a lot of days that are filled with genuine laughter. Abuse, in any form, is not an easy thing to spot. Maybe my friends and family noticed a change in me, but I still thought I was the same person. I became to blind to how sheltered I had actually become.

A few weeks after the break up, I was in my room getting ready for work. I had to force myself to stop crying so that I could put on some makeup, thinking that once I had the dreaded winged eyeliner done, I wouldn’t want to cry it off. I went downstairs to try and clear my mind, but nothing seemed to be helping. Instead of crying upstairs alone in my room, I had found myself crying in my mother’s arms, leaving stains of what was once eyeliner on my face on her sweatshirt. This was it…this was my final breaking point. I had failed in my career, failed in school, failed in my relationship, and as of a few days prior, I had failed at killing myself. I mean, I was so much of a failure that I couldn’t even kill myself properly. I remember thinking: Jesus, how fucking hard is it to swallow a bunch of pills? Instead of waking up dead, I woke up to a violent night of puking until my insides were burning. Good job, idiot. I truly didn’t want to be alive. I was sick of feeling the way that I felt. I was taking all of my emotional pain out on myself physically in the form of self harm and overdoses, but it wasn’t killing the pain that had been brewing inside of me all these years. This was the first time I had come clean to my parents, so on top of everything else, I was now in a constant state of guilt and shame. I begged my mom not to tell my dad what I had done to myself. I was terrified of becoming an even bigger disappointment than what I believed I already was.

Many phone calls, and one chat with a loud mouth nurse later, I was taken to the emergency room. I sat in a bed for nine hours, unable to go anywhere or do anything by myself…ya know, considering I had just told everyone I was ready to try offing myself again. I don’t know if anyone reading this has ever been placed on suicide watch, but I don’t highly recommend it. I thought that having to pee in front of a nurse would be the worst of it, but then I learned what an EKG was, and everyone else in the room learned what my tits looked like. As I sat in the ER, with my family in the room, and my best friends on Facetime with me, I didn’t really feel…sad. I was smiling and laughing with everyone, just as if we were having a regular Sunday night dinner, and if you had only been seeing me for the first time in there, you definitely wouldn’t think “Oh shit, that girl is depressed”. But remember what I said earlier, about depression being a tricky thing? This was just another one of its masks. There I sat surrounded by people who had nothing but immense love for me, and even though there was a big ol’ smile on my face, I still had no desire to live.

[madisonscholar]

What made Earth explode?

Senior geology major Liz McTaggart (left) and junior geology major Anna Ruefer spent a week doing their research at The Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C. — and got a peek at some behind the scenes exhibits too.

Earth's last super volcanic eruption, the kind that make today's eruptions look like firecrackers, occurred more than 25,000 years ago in New Zealand. The crater, or caldera, left behind is now filled by Lake Taupo, New Zealand's largest lake with a surface area of 238 square miles and a maximum depth of 610 feet.

Super eruptions have occurred in what is now the United States too, including one in Long Valley, California about 750,000 years ago, and three in the area now partly encompassing Yellowstone Park, the most recent about 2.1 million years ago.

And while thousands of years have passed without such an event, there's no guarantee it won't happen again. That's why Elizabeth Johnson, associate professor of geology, and her students are teaming up with researchers at the University of Oregon to look for clues that could help determine what caused the cataclysmic explosions.

"The idea is to compare these different super eruptions and try to see how they're the same or different, and also to try to understand what triggered the eruptions to begin with," said Johnson.

For their part, Johnson and her students, geology majors Liz McTaggart and Anna Ruefer, are examining crystals from the Long Valley caldera and looking for how much water was dissolved in the magma — "because magma is a lot like soda," Johnson explained.

Similar to the way soda will explode out of a bottle when shaken, magma can erupt when gas bubbles begin to rise and expand.  "If you get magma starting to ascend, you get these bubbles and it causes kind of a catastrophic reaction, you get this big eruption of rock coming out of the surface," she said. "The gasses are really an important part of trying to understand what triggers them, and so that's the thing we're exploring."

And what shook up the region to get the gasses bubbling? That's part of the mystery. Earthquakes may have played a part, but over saturation of the gasses could have caused them too. There appears to be differences in how long the eruptions lasted as well. Geologic evidence suggests the Huckleberry Ridge eruption, in the area including Yellowstone Park, took months, "but Long Valley pretty much seems like it was just a boom," Johnson said.

The project is providing good experience for McTaggart and Ruefer, who recently spent a week at The Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C. using an infrared spectrometer to analyze their samples. McTaggart, a senior, and Ruefer, a junior, both plan to go to graduate school to study geology after they graduate from JMU.

McTaggart, who has been working in Johnson's lab the past three years, has already presented a poster on the research at a Geological Society of America meeting, and Ruefer should have an opportunity as well. The research, which began in summer 2016 and will continue for at least another year, also may result in opportunities to publish in peer-reviewed journals.

More information about the research is available on Johnson's website at http://johns2ea.wixsite.com/lizjohnson/research.

[lostinthedark-rp]

“ Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might. And when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive; you will be dead soon enough."

Dorcas Meadowes

Affiliation: Neutral

Age: Eighteen

Availability: CLOSED

Faceclaim: Kaya Scodelario

+ Understanding + Clever + Adventurous -  Blunt -  Stubborn -  Rebellious

When Dorcas Meadowes was born she didn't come alone, as a matter of fact she came exactly four minutes and fifty three seconds after her elder brother. But she still wasn't alone. Twins were a common thing in her mother's family, they came down through the line but her fathers? Not usually. She and Roland were born on the stormy cliffs on the isle of sky above the beautiful harbor surrounded by magic and history. She grew up there, surrounded by books and history, magic and wonder. She ran wild with her brother all over the Island mixing with muggle kids and being tutored by her Great Grandfather. Her parents were commuting at the time between the island and london, the floo's working wonders. The twins were special, they shared a connection that neither one was really willing to explain. The ability to understand one another and feel each other's feelings, the psychic connection was so utterly strong between the two that Dorcas sometimes couldn't tell where her emotions stopped and Roland's began. But it wasn't so carefree. Her great grandfather's sister Margery was a constant trouble for Dorcas. Seeing her open her big blue eyes for the first time she announced how the child was a changeling. A fae child sent to destroy them all, with those faerie eyes. A dark omen, she would destory everything she touched. While her Great Grandparents and her parents were constantly telling her to shut her insane gob, it didn't matter. The damage was done with the sneers and distrusting looks. Dorcas made friends rather easily, growing up in the pure-blood society. She was a chameleon able to adapt to her surroundings and meld into whatever situation was presented to her. That didn't mean that she became someone else, she just thought quick on her feet. Often times they were guests at the home of the Lestrange's or the Blacks because of her families influence in politics. Her grandfather's and her father's. She made friends that way, Rodolphus became much like an older brother. Rabastan became someone she cherished a great deal. She was too young at the time to figure out what was going on when everyone had gone home and the smiles faded. She knew that there were demons in the closets of the pureblood homes, there was too much pretense and as she got older she became wiser about it. Through those parties and mixers she met both Sirius Black and James Potter, both of which dreaded the dancing and ridiculous rules that dictated the lives of the wizarding elite. They were breath's of fresh air in a lot of ways, she fell in with both of them when she saw them. But it wasn't often, the season didn't usually last that long and then she was back to Scotland. At least until they moved to London Proper, into the old family manor that hadn't been maintained in decades. There her father reconnected with an old friend from his childhood, Marshall McKinnon. The two old friends ended up combining their families for a lot of events and fortunately the two girls hit it off like wild fire while Roland was enveloped into the boys. Things always changed, Dorcas was used to it and she adapted. Hogwarts was going to be a fun experience, she expected to be sorted into Ravenclaw for a lot of reasons. She was studious in her need to dance, her primary focus of most of her youth-- and she was competitive as hell. That was mostly Roland's fault, they were always competing with one other over something. It came with their connection, the special gift that she had never been able to explain to anyone. It always made them want to one up each other, she was right there with him causing trouble, trying to keep up with him. It was a shock to them both when she was placed in Gryffindor-- though a hat stall. Between Slytherin and Gryffindor not Ravenclaw. She didn't have anything against Slytherin house. Her mother had been a Slytherin and a lot of her friends and those she considered family where there. What shocked them even more was Roland's inclusion into Ravenclaw. The twins had never really been separated by something like that before. But they both took it in stride, they both adapted. Dorcas at least had Marlene and she found fast friends in Lily Evans and Mary MacDonald. Where she felt alone she had friends and it didn't hurt that she had James and Sirius as well. Though she was kind of shocked at the both of them from the get go. The first year they began to bully one of Lily's best friends, a boy named Severus. She hated it, told them off more than once for it though they ignored her and continued to do it anyway. It bothered Lily, made her angry and Dorcas was right there with her though she didn't properly meet the boy until second year when she walked in on him trying to practice dancing for the Halloween Ball. Taking pity on him she decided to teach him what she knew, she was training in both ballet and ballroom, so she had a sense of ease and confidence in her ability to teach him. He followed her easily, moved in for each step and from them on the two became close friends. He was often her training dance partner when she needed to get a feel for herself, or try something new and practice more. But that wasn't all, they were supportive of each other, partied together since she often partied with the Slytherin kids as well as her own group back in Gryffindor. No one ever saw right to ask her to choose, though Evan Rosier often asked her why she fucking bothered with the prats who picked on Sev. She argued back enough, she expected so much better from the both of them. It didn't matter if they didn't like him, be civil and ignore him. Fifth year she and Sirius started some kind of relationship, though neither was pressed to call it that. She loved him, that was true and she always had. They hooked up, they enjoyed each other and when they were going good it was great, but when it was bad it was worse. They argued, shouted at one another and avoided each other in the common room. It was on and off and has been that way ever since. It didn't mean they didn't care about each other, it didn't mean they stopped being friends when they were off. But it did mean that they didn't always communicate and that became a problem as the years went on. Graduation approaching with everyone deciding on careers or looking into jobs all Dorcas wanted to do was dance. Go back to her true passion and study until her feet fell off. Why did she have to decide on a job right now anyway, her teachers were saying she was waisting her talent. A secret one that she tried to hide, she was a powerful witch with incredible potential and yet all she wanted to do was dance.  It was Lily that urged her to enter the Ministry and to find her place there, whether she would dive into the land of Unspeakables or even if she would take the bait that had been set before her and be an Auror. Still, Dorcas rebelled against that idea only to find herself settling into the idea that she would throw herself into her dancing and hold down a job as well. She could handle both. Right? It was around then that Roland started to pull away too, though their connection was there, the two had learned how to shield themselves from one another. While he pulled back she tried to settled into the idea of being alone in her own head with her own emotions but it was difficult. Following that the death of the McKinnon's in a Death Eater raid had the entire world scrambling and Dorcas trying to find her own footing in the aftermath. She took Marlene in and decided to take care of her friend while she grieve, Dorcas herself struggling to do the same. She got a a job with the Magical Accidents and Catastrophes department and the Obliviators, mostly due to her connections within the department and because many in the ministry hoped she would make up her mind and join the ranks of some of the elite. Still, she just wanted to dance.

MARY MACDONALD, MARLENE MCKINNON AND LILY EVANS:  Best Friends - The girls all interlock, completing each other in different ways. They're not the marauders in dresses, and they don't expect to be. The girls were there when Doe's gran passed, they were there when she felt like she was losing touch and they supported all of her decisions despite not always understanding them. Her ability to see all sides of things made her a great negotiator though it was often Lily holding her back when she lost her own temper, with Marlene right beside her ready to swing her fists and Mary trying to get them to think a minute.

EVAN ROSIER: Friend/Brotherkinda - More like pseudo brother in a way, she and Evan have always gotten on for some daft reason. They call each other names, and tease one another but they're both rather protective. Neither of them really understand where the fondness comes from they are pretty mismatched but she knows that if the chips were down he would be there for her. And probably kill someone in the process.

SEVERUS SNAPE:  Best Friend - It started with something as simple as Dorcas teaching him to dance before the Halloween Ball, and became a friendship both would come to rely on. When he and Lily had their falling out in seventh year she didn't choose between them, she refused. She stood for him, she felt for him and their friendship has remained strong throughout the years. Maybe there is more to it than just friendship, it's clear her affection for him is stronger than she realizes.

SIRIUS BLACK: Complicated -  Supportive friends since the moment they met, Dorcas and Sirius have been on and off throughout school and after. She's raged at him for his bullishness, she's understood him when he's needed it. And she's listened to him when he needed to say something he couldn't say to anyone else. But the truth is that no one knows if something like that can work for long term, love is something that needs to be nurtured. And she can't set herself on fire, just to keep him warm.