#‘past sins’ has been a big one for me in the past lol and also ngl discord until i got desensitized to it

[j-esbian]

having been deeply entrenched in a fandom in your teen years is the easiest way to accidentally program yourself with several sleeper phrases

[prythianpages]

Give 'Em Hell | Part Two

beron's daughter OC x eventually Azriel | Beron Vanserra is a man with many sinful secrets but there is one that desires to punish him. His daughter. His true firstborn and heir to the Autumn Court.

Masterlist

Chapter Summary: Some of the country folk of Autumn are protesting Beron's rule and there is talk of rebellion. The Phoenix. And Beron begins to wonder if the enemy is among his inner circle.

Warnings: bullying, violence, harsh insults thrown oc's way/ brief mentions of sexual assault (groping)

A/N: I'm so sorry this took me forever to update. This has been in my drafts since November omg. I got this idea/motivation to write this at a time where I was at the peak of my female rage lol and now things in my life are better. However, I did always want to write a character who is "evil." Using quotation marks because that's still up to be decided on. For this OC, I'm drawing huge inspiration from Game of Thrones, especially with Daenary's character. Also, I know that birth order does not dictate who inherits the title High Lord but in this fic and probs in canon too, Beron hates the idea of Autumn having a High Lady.

Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture. 

Deaths, heartbreaks and traumatic events may pass but the memory lives on, lingering like a haunting and tormenting spirit. The Pryalis family has been threatened to become a distant memory, torturing the remaining patriarch of what was once.

Once a strong and powerful big household, the Pryalis family was now reduced to just one. Edmund Pryalis. Or so he thought.

Among the wreckage of his beloved son’s home, remained a young female. She had been found, a couple of feet away from the house at the edge of the surrounding forest, with signs of struggle etched onto her pale body, bruised and scarred. She had been trembling and terrified when Edmund had approached her, demanding to know who she was and what had happened. He had not been prepared for the words that had broken off from her quivering lips.

She was his son’s bastard daughter. His bastard granddaughter.

Edmund had not questioned it. His son was known for being disloyal to his wife. It was inevitable to not sire a bastard child and if his son’s scandalous endeavors were not enough to convince him, the female strongly resembled his late wife and daughter with her sun-kissed auburn hair, high cheekbones and striking eyes. However, the color of her eyes were not the infamous emerald green the Pryalis family was known for but a chestnut brown instead.

If it weren’t for the deaths of his son and family, his heirs, he would’ve done Prythian a favor and rid it of one more bastard. But he didn’t. He refused to allow the Pryalis name to fade into memory and so now there were two.

“May their ashes rise and flames persist in eternity.”

The air carried the scent of damp earth as the leaves rustled with the wind, whispering their final farewells to the departed souls resting beneath. Edmund pulled his gaze from the tombstone below and to the young weeping female. He gestured for her to follow him and they silently made their way to the entrance of the cemetery, where a carriage awaited them.

As Edmund placed a foot on the carriage step, a sudden realization compelled him to pause. There was one more question he had yet to ask of his bastard granddaughter. “What is your name?”

“Emilia.” The female had replied.

And if Edmund had bothered to turn around, he would’ve caught the flames flickering in her eyes.

**

“Two will soon become three until there are finally eight but one will not be true to you and only one shall come to be.”

Beron found himself surrounded by the weight of the soothsayer’s prophecies, uttered nearly three centuries past, as he surveyed the grandeur of his Autumn Court's council chamber. There was more truth to the soothsayer’s words than he’d like to admit. To his left, his four eldest sons occupied their appointed seats, a testament to the continuation of his lineage. On his right, the key figures of his advisory council – chief advisor, spymaster, master of coin, and army commander – assumed their positions

His two younger sons were away, honing their skills in the art of war, preparing for a future fraught with uncertainties. And Lucien…

Well, Lucien was doing everything a High Lord’s son probably shouldn’t and Beron couldn’t bring himself to care for it at this moment. There were other pressing matters to attend to.

"Mistwood grows restless," Fenrik, the spymaster, began cautiously. "Whispers of an uprising persist, and while rumors can be as fleeting as the wind, this tale echoes persistently…”

Beron's piercing gaze bore into Fenrik, a silent command for the truth to be unveiled. 

“I am uncertain whether it is a person or a group but there's mention of a Phoenix. A harbinger of a brighter tomorrow. Faced with the specter of an impending famine, some villagers may be swayed to rebellion against our presence."

A tense silence falls upon the room as Fenrik’s words hang in the air like a foreboding mist. That is, until Eris, the heir to the Autumn Court, decides to break it.

��Perhaps, we should provide them with enough sustenance to quell their thirst to riot,” Eris suggests, his voice resonating with wisdom beyond his years. Beron should be proud but instead, his eyes narrow as he assesses the situation.

“Gain their trust so they remain loyal to you, High Lord,” Edmund, Beron’s chief advisor, agrees as he waves his hand, beckoning his cupbearer forward.

Eris’s eyes widen ever so slightly, lifting his gaze toward Edmund. It’s the first time the two have ever been in agreement. He then turns his head toward Edmund’s cupbearer, a spark of curiosity flashing in his amber eyes. 

As the cupbearer delicately pours a substance, presumably more potent than wine given its acrid scent, Eris can’t help but wonder why Edmund subjects his own granddaughter to a servant role when she is beyond the age of marriage. Granted, Emilia is a bastard. But still his blood nonetheless. His only blood.

Edmund brings his cup to his lips and takes a swig. He sputters almost immediately, throwing his chalice to the floor and drawing everyone’s attention to him. The dark crimson liquid splatters onto the floor, staining the soft fabric of his granddaughter's dress. Emilia shrinks back, fear flashing across her features as Edmund shifts toward her with a scowl.

“This is not what I asked of you!” He seethes with furrowed eyebrows. “I asked for the russet elixir, not this.”

 “I’m sorry, grandfather. I thought this was the russet elixir.”

Emilia drops her gaze, a frown tainting her soft features, as she presents the bottle of liquor to him. It is clearly labeled as crimson nectar. “You imbecile. Go back to your station,” Edmund orders hastily, no longer desiring a drink.

“Illiterate bastard,” Hunter mutters under his breath with a chuckle, elbowing Eris.

Eris does not humor his brother. Though his fingers tense around his own chalice, he maintains a stoic silence, his gaze following Emilia. She retreats to her designated place in the council chamber, head bowed low. Her silhouette merges seamlessly with the servants clustered around the table of refreshments.

“Let them starve.”

Eris’s gaze shifts back toward his father and he swears his heart skips a beat.

“But my High Lord–”

“I refuse to feed the mouths of potential traitors,” Beron interrupts his spymaster sharply yet his gaze is focused upon Eris, brown eyes shimmering with disappointment. “The seed for rebellion has already been planted. It does not matter if I send them sustenance or not, they may still revolt. I’ll turn the town of Mistwood into a lesson.”

Beron then rises to his feet, signaling that he will hear no more from his council for today. “Anyone who lends credence to this alleged Phoenix shall be branded as traitors and punished. No exceptions.”

Beron strides out of the room, the council trailing in his wake. Eris, however, lingers, reluctant to vacate his seat. He prods the inside of his cheek with his tongue, stomach filling with dread from the look Beron had given him before leaving. He sits there for what feels like an eternity but given the fact that some of his brothers remain, harassing Edmund’s poor granddaughter, it couldn’t have been for too long.

When Eris rises from his seat, he catches a glimpse of Oliver, his younger brother, trailing a hand a little too low down Emilia’s body. From where Eris stands, he could see Emilia’s every muscle tense under the unwanted touch and harsh words whispered into her ear. Yet, Emilia remains quiet, her gaze fixed forward, even as Oliver finally frees her of his torment. 

Silver lines her dull brown eyes and Eris can’t help but pity the female. He knows the look on her face all too well. It's a reflection of the emotions he often carries within himself. Hatred. Fear. Anger. 

The room is quiet, save for the measured cadence of Eris’s footsteps. They come to a stop right before Emilia, causing her brown eyes to widen in surprise. Still, she remains steadfast in avoiding eye contact with Eris.

“Lord Eris,” she addresses him, her voice a masterclass in practiced restraint, as though she has honed it over centuries of servitude.

“We should arrange for someone to teach you how to read.”

Emilia blinks, caught off guard and for a fleeting moment, vulnerability flickers in her dark eyes. It’s not the first time Eris has been kind yet she still can’t comprehend why he continues to express concern for her. She hesitates before regaining her composure and slowly lowers her gaze.

“Grandfather says reading will only taint the female’s mind and that I do not need to know how to read in order to fulfill my duty.”

“And what duty is that exactly?”

“I’m the last Pyralis female. I’m sure you can take a guess, my lord.”

Eris exhales heavily, as if he too was wearied by the harshness of her world. “Suit yourself then.”

For centuries, the Pyralis family stood as a formidable force, characterized by its size and strength. Even amidst the transformative shift in magical favor that propelled the Vanserra family to High Lordship, the Pyralis clan endured without faltering. True to their name, they rose from the ashes, mirroring the resilience of the Phoenix they were named after. They maintained their high status in politics, taking on the role as the Vanserra’s chief advisors. Speculation lingered that the only force capable of bringing down the Pyralis family was the family itself.

The Pyralis family's decline began long before Eris’s birth. Still, he couldn't help but reflect on the strange sight of witnessing such a once-mighty and expansive lineage reduced to a mere two living members.

 It made him worry if the same grim fate would befall upon his own family.

**

“Mother’s tits, what happened to you?”

“Your brothers,” is all Emilia says followed by a huff, the small gust of frustration sending the dark red fringe framing her face tumbling forward like a curtain of shadows. Weariness etches across her features, shoulders slumping, allowing a glimpse beyond the facade she meticulously maintains.

Lucien furrows his brow in concern and gently reaches out to tuck the loose strand behind her ear. “You look like you’re in need of a pick me up,” he remarks, his russet eyes lighting up at the idea. “A little trip to Thornwood might lift your spirits.”

Emilia pauses, narrowing her eyes slightly. “I’m sure it’ll lift other things too.”

Lucien laughs, his lips twitching upwards into a grin.  Though Thornwood sounds like a good idea, given the hard day she had, she recognizes why Lucien is more than eager to go. She knows him too well. As they step out of the forest house, he hooks his arm through hers and winnows them both to Thornwood before she could even question if it was safe to do so, given the current volatile state of the neighboring town, Mistwood.

Thornwood is a breath of fresh air.

Both Lucien and Emilia feel a sense of comfort as they fall into step beside each other. Lush orchards and vineyards surround the small town nestled in the countryside of Autumn, their branches heavy with golden and crimson fruits. They walk along the cobblestone pathways, leading to a central square where various vendors are selling goods. Residents, adorned in cozy layers to protect from the autumn winds, go about their daily routines with a sense of unhurried contentment.

An elderly female rests against the weathered water well, rattling a worn cup that holds a few gold marks toward any passersby. As Emilia walks by, the female’s eyes follow her and with a sudden urgency, she rattles her cup harsher.  

“Something wicked this way comes,” she mutters, the words slipping from her cracked lips like an ominous whisper carried by the wind. “Something wicked this way comes…”

With a glare directed at the older female, Lucien steps around Emilia, shielding her from the female’s sharp gaze.

“Em!”

Emilia's head whips around, her guarded expression softening as her gaze fixes on a blonde figure drawing nearer with each passing second. Before she knows it, strong arms envelop her. Emilia finds herself wrapped in a comforting hug and returns the gesture.

"Hey, Jes," Emilia greets, the corners of her lips hinting at a rare smile.

"You haven’t come to visit in awhile. I was getting worried," Jesminda remarks, pulling away from the hug with a concern-laden expression.

Lucien, feeling neglected, huffs in mock offense. "What am I? Chopped liver?"

Jesminda giggles, but she redirects her attention to Lucien, throwing her arms around him. He responds with equal enthusiasm, pulling her close and twirling her around, evoking a delighted squeal that he silences with an affectionate kiss.

“Gross,” Emilia comments, a slight grimace crossing her features.

Jesminda, despite Lucien's protest, untangles herself from his embrace. "Never been in love before?"

Emilia's gaze shifts to where Lucien and Jesminda now hold hands. "No, and I don’t plan on it." She pauses, her eyes lingering on the intertwined couple before she adds, "It’s not worth the price.”

“You say that now–”

"Yeah, yeah," Emilia cuts off Lucien before he delves into the cliché notion of finding the right person to fall in love with. Blah, blah, blah. She slips her hand into her pockets, withdrawing a handful of goldmarks and tossing them toward Lucien, who effortlessly catches them. "Go fetch us some apple cider, please?"

Once Lucien is out of earshot, Emilia turns to Jesminda with a cautious look. "This is a dangerous game you're playing."

"I'm not scared," Jesminda replies, her eyes scanning the town square before she leans in closer to her friend. "Just like I'm not scared to stand with Saoirse."

Something flickers in Emilia's eyes, and with a soft smile, Jesminda adds, "I love him."

“He’s the High Lord’s son,” Emilia whispers a bit too harshly for even her own liking yet Jesminda remains unfazed by the reminder.

“One of many,” Jesminda simply points out. “I’m sure he could spare one.”

Emilia sighs. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I won’t,” Jesminda promises and then winks at Emilia. “I’m good at sneaking around.”

Emilia watches Jesminda's determined expression, a mixture of worry and reluctant acceptance in her own gaze. It’s not that Emilia doubts Jesminda. Lucien and Jesminda have kept their relationship secret for many years. Albeit, they often used Emilia as the perfect excuse to venture off together such as Lucien planned to do so tonight. 

But, for Emilia, it's the haunting memory of past losses that casts a shadow over her protective instincts. She can't help but feel an innate need to protect her cherished friend, especially given the fact that she was the one who introduced Lucien to her. If something happened to Jesminda, it would be her fault.

Before Emilia discovered the truth of her heritage and was taken in by her father, it was Jesminda's family who she lived with. They plucked her from the harsh streets and took her in as if she was one of their own. A stark contrast to the way her blood family welcomed her. She wasn’t allowed to visit them after she moved into her father’s estate but now that she lived in the Forest house with her grandfather, it was easier to sneak off to visit them.

Lucien reappears, bearing three mugs of hot apple cider that smell like heaven. Emilia happily takes hers, savoring the steaming warmth that envelops her as she takes a measured sip.

“I’m going to find Brienne,” Emilia says and then she flashes the two a pointed look, dark eyes lingering on Lucien for a moment longer. “We can’t stay out too late tonight unless we want to raise concern.”

**

Beron's eyes were deep pools of darkness, simmering with a livid intensity that mirrored the turmoil within the realm. His hands were clasped behind his back. He stood by the window, an emblem of brooding power, his gaze following the departure of his best men on horseback toward Mistwood.

"There's a mole in this court," Beron declares, his voice cutting through the silence, and he turns abruptly to face Edmund. “And I won’t rest until I have their head on a spike.”

Edmund leans forward, concern etching lines onto his wearied features. "Do you have any suspects?"

"I have a few," Beron responds, his gaze piercing into the very soul of his chief advisor.

Edmund's eyes widen in disbelief and he shifts forward in his seat. "Are you accusing me, my High Lord?"

"Given your family history, I'd be a fool not to suspect you. The phoenix is your family's sigil."

"I have no desire for a coup d'état," Edmund retorts, a humorless laugh escaping him as he averts his gaze. His laugh morphs into a cough, eyebrows furrowing in pain as he brings a handkerchief to his mouth. Slowly, he lifts his eyes to meet Beron's. "What must I do to prove my loyalty to you?"

Before Beron could answer, the door to Edmund’s room opens. Emilia slips in and at the sight of the High Lord, a visible shiver runs through her, causing her to instinctively shrink back. With a harsh swallow, she bows her head in respect and then turns to address the older male.

“You called for me, grandfather?”

“You were out late last night,” Edmund glares at the younger female. “Again.”

“Let’s finish our conversation later this afternoon in my study.” Beron says and without acknowledging Emilia’s presence, he gracefully exits the room.

“I’m sorry, I was–”

“You went to go visit them, didn’t you?” Edmund interrupts sharply and when Emilia lowers her head, he rises from his seat. “I am your family. Your only family.”

“You are forbidden to go to Thornwood from now on.”

“But grandfather–”

“Have you not heard?” Edmund raises his voice. “The High Lord has sent his best guards to Mistwood to obliterate the growing threats and Thornwood is sure to follow.” His voice falters as he falls into another fit of coughing. 

“You will stay here, where you are safe,” he manages to wheeze as he slumps back into his seat.

“Are you alright?” Emilia gasps out in horror.

She rushes to her grandfather, falling to her knees beside him. He brings his handkerchief once more to cover his cough. “I’m fine,” he huffs out breathlessly.

When his hand drops to his side and head falls back in exhaustion, Emilia notices the dark red stain on the light fabric. The sight pleases her more than it should and with his eyes closed, Emilia allows her mask to fall.

A faint smirk taints her lips and once again, there's that flicker of fiery malevolence in her eyes. Edmund Pyralis is not fine.

He's dying...and the Vanserras are next.

**

A couple of weeks later...

Mistwood is now nothing but ash.

Though the townspeople fought with heart and might, they were no match for the High Lord’s soldiers who had trained for centuries. Beron gave strict orders for no survivors to be left behind as he’s done so many times before. It’s not the first time there’s been uprisings and rebellions and it certainly won’t be the last. Those disloyal to him may win battles here and there but Beron will always win the war.

His soldiers did not return this time. Instead, Beron ordered them to disperse into neighboring towns along the countryside and act as peacekeepers. However, they ushered in anything but tranquility to the towns they’ve forcefully settled into. 

All was well. There was no longer talk about protests or potential uprisings. No more whispers about the Phoenix. What a foolish hope that had been.

Beron sighs as he enters his bath chambers. The anticipation of relief courses through him as he closes his eyes, immersing himself in the cocoon of steaming warmth that envelops the air. His tired muscles, worn from the weight of responsibility, already yearn for the comforting touch of the hot water against his skin.

Upon opening his eyes, however, the tranquility he sought is shattered. Tension grips his muscles even tighter as his gaze falls upon an unsettling sight. There, floating ominously in the bathwater, is a single red chrysanthemum. The vibrant hue seems to mock him, triggering a surge of pain that stabs sharply through his chest. He doesn’t dare think of her name, forcing images of her back into the corner of his mind he had shoved her into.

He plucks the flower out and flames lick at his fingertips. They burn through the flower with ease, reducing it to a small pile of ashes onto the floor. He uses his magic to dispose of it. He shakes off the unsettling feeling threatening to seep in and settles into the bath instead. He’d deal with the servants who prepared his bath first thing tomorrow. 

**

The following morning, just as he’s about to call for his servants, he’s met with an even more appalling sight.

His eyes widen as he steps out onto his balcony. There’s a sea of red chrysanthemums blanketing the palace grounds, their vibrant petals ablaze in the early light. A small piece of paper floats above him, calling his name in a sinister whisper. He reluctantly takes it, unfolding it.

Burn us and we shall simply rise again from the ashes.

-The Phoenix

It's instinctive. The way he sets the paper ablaze in his grasp. As the last ember of paper dissipates, the sea of red flowers catches fire as if on cue. Beron watches in astonishment as the flowers transform into ashes, only to burst into flames once more. The flames intensify, swirling together in mesmerizing patterns, shaping an unmistakable silhouette. A phoenix.

 A shiver races down his spine. 

There’s only one person he knew who loved red chrysanthemums. Desperate for an answer, he reaches out to the threads of fate that he had severed. They hang loosely but they’re still there. Only this time, he feels nothing. Absolutely nothing.

A profound emptiness washes over him, rendering him numb. She’s dead. He should not be surprised. Afterall, he had ordered it.

It’s as if the Cauldron, offended by his defiance of its predestined connection, has forsaken him upon opening his side of the bond. The bond he denied and closed off for centuries. His body weakens, forcing him to fall onto his knees.

Silver lines his brown eyes. His eyes that were once dull are now lively with pure grief and heartache. His hands grasp at his chest as if they could close the gaping hole she left behind. It’s useless. 

The memories of her, his mate, begin to rise just as the ashes of the red chrysanthemums did. He can see her smiling at him in a way he does not deserve. He can hear her calling his name in a hushed whisper that burns into his skin. More and more memories of her infiltrate his mind, tormenting him in the worst ways imaginable.

“Beron.”

“Beron,” the voice repeats again and it takes him a while to register that the voice is not his mate’s but his wife’s.  “What is going on?”

Beron is surprised at the concern laced into her tone. He grasps onto this feeling, pulling himself out of the depth of the own hell he created. The bond in his chest slowly closes once more.  His breath begins to steady and though shaky, he rises to his feet again.

“I need to find her,” is all he says as he walks past his wife.

Lady Aurelia blinks, eyebrows knitting together. “Find who?”

Beron does not answer her. He strides further into their room and toward the area where he keeps his sword. He secures it to his waistband, determined to never go out without it from now on.

Not when his daughter, thought to be lost to the shadows, was alive. Not when she is the one who stands at the helm of the rebellions that echo through the Autumn Court. And for the first time in centuries, a spark of fear ignites within him.

How is he supposed to fight an enemy that prospers when burned to the ground?

a/n: I feel like I suck at writing about politics/conflict that isn't romance related so I hope this came out okay and not confusing. More will info will be given in the next parts.

It feels like I've read ACOTAR ages ago so I've forgotten some details and am going off of what I find on reddit/ACOTAR wiki so if I happen to make a mistake in terms of canon things, let me know. Also, I was too lazy to find new names for some of Eris's brothers so I'm reusing the ones I used in my Like An Angel series. I honestly can't wait until Az shows up but it will be 2-3 parts until then. For now, you get a lot of foreshadowing (:

tagging: @mybestfriendmademe @waytoomanyteenagefeels @janebirkln, @acourtofbatboydreams

(it's been awhile since I updated so I tagged some of y'all, just in case y'all were interested in reading more. Please let me know if you'd like to remain on the tag list, no worries if not (: Or if you'd like to be added)

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

u can never have too many au ideas (aka the cursed-sun/moon au)

(im copy n pasting this from discord bc im lazy sorry y'all fsjhf)

other au idea: Sun is a ruler or lord in a fantasy world or smthn and Moon is the form he's been Cursed into turning into each night. Reader is a low-tier magic-weilder (who has a secret past that involves smthn rlly Bad and they used to have a reasonable amount of respectability in th community but now theyre shunned and cant get a job anywhere and also has a big scar and/or only one eye lol) who's one remaining ability is the ability to lift minor curses or plagues. Sun has been searching for someone who can 'bless' the curse of Moon (or whatever is making Moon be nasty murderous bloodthirsty man) for ages but mages r rare and most of them spend maybe one night trying to cure Moon before either getting got or being scared into getting tf outta there

so eventually word reaches Sun of a mage who's been looking for work, with the only catch being that they arent very powerful and no one has much to say abt them, and Sun, who has burnt every single thread he has trying to find a mage, is like GOOD ENOUGH CALL THEM HERE

and reader is like 'oh shit this is potentially a rlly good job, the only catch is that i have to deal w a demon possessed guy thats like twice my height and three times as strong,,' and like. bc they have Zero Options and also feel like their life has run itself into th ground and there is little left for them/no way to get themselves out of their Issues, they r like 'yeah sure its gonna take a while bc i can only perform minor magic but i'll do whatever i can to see that this curse is delt with'

and instead of trying to face Moon head on, they start with just kinda,, getting to know him. he's kept chained/locked away in a chamber every night to keep ppl safe, but every night reader goes into the chambers, sits at a tea table just out of his reach, and just. talks with him

they dont entertain his trying to mess w them, taunting, cruelty, etc, but they talk when there's the chance for standard conversation. at first it's hell bc Moon is a little shit and he never cooperates. he never answers questions, he spends the entire night threatening to tear them apart and savor their insides, etc. they bring him a cup of tea every night, and every time he smashes the cup and throws the pieces at them

ok well point is eventually Moon starts to mellow out around them, will actually sit and have conversation with them, one day is like 'you think i dont know what youre doing?? youre just trying to bore me into falling for ur trap so u can kill me. i like ur style but its not gonna work >:3'

and reader is like 'i literally do not have enough magic to kill a toad let alone a whole entire possessed person' and moon is like ',, huh. so what IS ur goal here??' and reader is like 'i want to lift ur curse for both u and Sun's sakes. i gave u my word, and i will follow through, at the very least to clear my own conscience of a past sin'

and so eventually Moon, out of curiosity, and later bc he likes spending time with reader, starts letting them cast the healing magic on him, breaking the curse little by little every night

and at the same time all this is happening, reader is spending mornings and evenings with Sun and keeping him up to date on how the process is going and, eventually, becoming the person he turns to when he's stressed or tired or rlly just wants company

and idk smthn smthn eventually both of them rlly want Reader and they dont know how to act so they just b making fools of themselves but reader is a dumbass so theyre just confused

(Moon absolutely tells Reader abt every 'oh man i rlly wanna kiss kiss snuggle smooch the mage rn' thought Sun has during the day but Reader is so used to Moon being a little shit n making shit up to mess with them that they r just like ._. )

the plot twist part,,

(the secret dark past that reader is hiding is that they used to be a local mage for a nearby town who was known and respected for giving 'blessings' to ppl for small fees but one day for Reasons, they cast a curse upon someone and one of the biggest no-no's a mage can do is Curse someone so the town practically rioted, tore them down from their pedestal, called upon another mage to strip reader of their magic, and then cast them out)

(rn im considering the idea that the person reader Cursed is Vanny, who, because of her own curse, eventually went on to be the one who cursed Sun and Moon)

[taifenggg]

The brain has been obsessing over pokémon lately again, and now I gotta ask the obligatory question:

What pokémon would be each character’s favourite/what type would they be a gym leader for?

YKNOW ITS FUNNY YOU SENT ME THIS CAUSE I ACTUALLY HAD MY OWN THOUGHTS ABOUT POKEMON X OBEY ME.

Here's my basic rundown and explanation for why I made things the way they are for my own Pokemon AU. I'm probably not going to do Mephisto, Raphael, and Thirteen in this unless people ask for it lmao.

long post under the cut

The Brothers:

Lucifer: Since he's the strongest avatar of sin, and technically Diavolo's right hand man he would probably be an Elite 4 member. Lucifer would most likely specialize in fire type pokemon with his signature pokemon being Houndoom(which can mega evolve) because he has Cerberus.

Mammon: I struggled a bit with Mammon's but ultimately I settled on him being a dark type gym leader. His signature pokemon is Honchkrow because of its crow motifs and how it kinda fits into the mob boss aesthetic which I think Mammon would love. His gym puzzle would probably look like a casino, so if you've ever played Persona 5, the gym puzzle would probably look a lot like Sae's palace and you have to play your way up to Mammon in order to challenge him. Also if you start getting upset or look sad he'll most likely panic and go easier on you.

Leviathan: The most obvious choice here is a water type gym leader. He literally sleeps in a bathtub and has a giant fish tank in his room lmaoo. I could definitely see his signature pokemon being Milotic because he thought Feebas was just a little guy and took it. And then he got mad when Mammon said Feebas was useless, so out of spite leveled up his Feebas and got high friendship with it so he could wipe the floor with Mammon using Milotic. His gym puzzle most likely consists of a TSL quiz and if you get anything wrong you get doused with water and sent back to the beginning of his gym. He's a sore loser though so if you beat him he might refuse to give you his gym badge and Lucifer has to intervene.

Satan: I feel like he'd be a grass type trainer just to spite Lucifer because he has fire types and he wants to show that he can use grass types to beat Lucifer's ass(spoiler alert, Lucifer wins because of the type matchup). His signature Pokemon is Meowscarada because obviously Satan loves cats so he'd probably immediately pick Sprigatitio as his partner, but also I chose Meowscarada because its Pokedex entry states that it's sensitive and prone to jealousy. So in a way, kind of like how Satan is with MC when it comes to Lucifer lol. His gym is modeled after a library(so like Lenora's gym), and you're tasked with going around the library and finding certain books for Satan.

Asmodeus: For Asmo, I feel like he would be a fairy type gym leader! I feel like it suits him, and I think he would love how both elegant and cute fairy types are. His signature pokemon would most likely be Sylveon, also evolved via high friendship. Both Sylveon and Asmo have the ability to charm others which I feel is very fitting for him. Asmo's gym puzzle would probably consist of something like a fashion show or something of the like, because Asmo would probably love to garner the attention of his beloved fans whilst at the same time showing up any challengers that come to his gym.

Beelzebub: Beel would most likely be fighting type gym leader! He would probably have a Bewear as one of his signature because like Beel, it appears friendly, you shouldn't underestimate it. Also Beel to me is like a big bear, cuddly, adorable, friend-shaped, but definitely not something I'd want to piss off. Him and Belphie would probably have a joint-gym where you can challenge the twins, and once you beat one of them you can then proceed to challenge the other. His side of the gym looks kind of like a sports field and you have to make your way through an obstacle course, working together with your team to get past.

Belphegor: So like I mentioned before, Belphie would have a joint-gym with Beel most likely in this instance. His signature Pokemon would probably be Snorlax! Not just because Snorlax falls asleep in the most inconvenient places but also because it eats A LOT. He likes that because it reminds him a lot of Beel. He's also the type of trainer to have the tankiest Snorlax that just refuses to faint and it's super annoying to deal with. Belphie's gym is modeled after a planetarium, and he's also a part of the sore losers gang. So he won't give you his badge cause he's a petty bitch and Beel needs to step in.

The Dateables:

Diavolo: the Champion, probably the most obvious choice because he's literally the ruler of the Devildom, and wants to help the three worlds come together. So two things, a leader and he has a goal that he wants to achieve in mind. I feel like his signature Pokemon would be a pseudo legendary and I settled on Goodra because like Diavolo it's known to be very friendly towards anyone but will not hesitate to fuck you up if you enrage it LMAO.

Barbatos: Another member of the Elite 4, Barbatos would be a psychic type trainer. I definitely feel like he would have an Espeon because they're known for being extremely loyal to their trainers, kind of like how Barbatos is with Diavolo. He is not someone that you want to mess with and he's noted to be one of the harder Elite 4 members because he somehow manages to stay one step ahead of you at all times.

Simeon: 3rd member of the Elite 4, Simeon specializes in flying types. His signature Pokemon is Togekiss, and its pokedex entry states that it's extremely friendly and concerned for others. Kind of like how Simeon will always go out of his way and still cares deeply about the Brothers and Lucifer, even after they were rejected from the Celestial Realm. Togekiss like to avoid conflict so like Simeon, he also likes to stay out of trouble, operating behind the scenes and only stepping in when necessary.

Luke: Your rival! Luke's always one step behind you, trying to prove that he can keep up with you. Luke's signature pokemon is of course, Fidough/Dachsbun. He got it as a gift from Simeon and his goal is to become to Champion so he can impress Michael and Simeon.

Solomon: I struggled a bit with Solomon's mostly because I couldn't decide what would be the most fitting for him. It didn't really feel right to put him as your other rival because he's clearly much more knowledgable on a lot of things, and he's of course your teacher in the base game. And an ace trainer didn't feel fitting for him either because he doesn't really seem like the type of person that would constantly be out and about. Ultimately I figured that the professor would fit him best because again, he knows a lot of things, and not only this but he would most likely guide you on your journey to becoming the Champion. I feel like Solomon would definitely have an affinity for ice type Pokemon, but his team is pretty well-rounded. His signature Pokemon would probably be Froslass because of how mysterious(?) it is, and how Froslass can also be very protective towards those that it cares about, just like how Solomon is with MC.

That's all from me for now! Here's my brain dump lmao

[helluvatired]

talking about the seven deadly sins of the hellaverse

i really hope that the other deadly sins who have not yet appeared are horrible people or even worse than mammon

don't get me wrong, i loved the fact that asmodeus is consent king (it made my week when i saw it for the first time, i felt so happy!) and it was a nice surprise to know that beelzebub is friendly and cared about blitzo's well-being and appears to have no prejudice against imps and hellhounds. and lucifer just wanted to give knowledge and free will to humans and now he's working hard to be a good father

it's a great storytelling, and it makes me want to know more about the characters' pasts.

like for example, were asmodeus and beelzebub wronged in the same way as lucifer for questioning or did they actually fucked up a bit? why don't the three not explicitly appear to be the embodiment of a *sin* like mammon? they were always like this and what heaven was corrupt and unfair and distorted what really happened? have they always been open-minded with hellborns or has that changed over time? why?

i really hope that many of these questions are answered later in one of the series, it has a lot of potential and would make the characters deeper!

and now about mammon and the other sins who have not yet appeared:

i think it would be cool for the other sins to be horrible and really powerful, as a major threat

in both helluva and hazbin there are characters who are not at the top of the hierarchy and can be intimidating and change this pyramid a little, like striker and carmilla with the angelic weapons, moxxie's father's plan in s02ep06

alastor uses emotional manipulation tactics with people he knows are more powerful than him, that's how he got the deal with charlie and managed to get on lucifer's nerve in hell's greatest dad

and the whole scheme that valentino managed to do with angel to the point where he was afraid that charlie could be hurt and kicked her out of the studio (this actually deserves a post just about it in the future)

and all of this is incredible and very well done! there are other ways to be in control and have power

but i miss characters who are a threat as much as power and emotional, someone at the top of the hierarchy, at least in the hierarchy of hell

like how exorcists were feared before they discovered their weakness, or those angels that lucifer is afraid of because of what they could do to charlie in more than anything.

it makes it seem like a threat because we don't know how powerful this character is, we don't know their limits, we don't know what could happen

i think that having these two types of antagonists (those who are at the top of the hierarchy and those who can be a threat even though they are not at the top) makes the series much deeper and more complete

i'm curious about mammon's plan and i hope he's planning big things too

i also think it is more believable to also have more powerful beings who have fallen because they are genuinely bad people, and not just the sinners, overlords and hellborns who can be evil. just like in heaven there are bad people and good people

i also don't think there's a way to have a good trait in wrath and envy lol

we already have 3 sins that are not evil, and one as an antagonist, so i think it would be cool to have more villains/antagonists to be more balanced and believable

and since seven is an odd number, maybe the sin of sloth could be totally neutral, are they just too lazy to choose sides? that would be cool and funny i think xD

anyway, that's all i had to say. if anyone made it to the end, thank you for reading! c:

[abyssmare]

Kazui Sexuality Analysis

For the past few months, i’ve convinced multiple people that Kazui Mukuhara is gay— and with the introduction of the Cat MV, I felt it’d be good to make a master list documenting exactly why the theory came across. Primarily to indoctrinate people. Sorry. Thank you @prisoner-000 for helping me with this! >_< ( Despite me initially being the one indoctrinating you lol! )

TW : Open talk discussing Suicide.

WARNING : Spoilers for Trial 2.

Welcome to the ride.

Also I forget Hinako canonically has a name so she’s referred to as “his wife” the whole time. Oops..

Let’s start with the First Trial Voice Drama: “Gouging in the Night” / “Another Night”.

With this being an introductory voice drama, it’s hard to necessarily gauge much of the depth regarding Kazui’s character, but we do get our first introductory to his heavily emphasized ���lying’ aspect of his character. We also get multiple instances in which he identifies adults with being those that cannot act on their emotions, as Kazui did, because in doing so makes them ‘weak’. Es refers to Kazui as someone with a fake smile, that’s been “consciously crafted to show himself a certain way”, which can be common in those that have experiences having to mask their identity due to a rough home-life / lack of being understood by peers around them.

“What's so good about it? I don't like this.It's just a fake smile that you've consciously crafted to show yourself in a certain way. You're acting based on how you want others to see you - your face clearly shows that you're lying.”

“This is, this is.... You're pretty strict. * Laughs* it's not like I'm not scared at all, either. But I've got the responsibility that comes with being older, too - even in an abnormal situation like this, there's no way I could just let myself panic in front of the kids. Well, even if it's fake, adults need to keep up a smile... in order to not let you young ones down, you know.”

Having to keep up a ‘mask’/‘facade’ in order to keep those around him happy.

—— • ——

“If you say that I'm lying.. You might just be right. Unfortunately, once you're an adult, you get very good at lying.”

“.. Adults, huh?”

Another brief mention of ‘lying’ being natural for adults.

—— • ——

“I... see. It might be as you say. We just become more and more passive to avoid causing pain. Yeah... that's right. It's true that my lies killed her, and even now, I still haven't changed. No, that's not it - I can't change because I was already born this way. But... Don't talk big without even knowing a thing about my feelings, kid.”

“...Nice to meet you, Kazui Mukuhara, it feels like I've finally come face to face with you. Well met, I am Es, the prison guard of MILGRAM.”

“* Exhales, chuckles * Such a fashionable way of greeting, huh? Well, hopefully, you won't come to regret this. These kinds of relationships tend to bring pain with them.”

Despite his wife dying, he says he has not changed, despite all the guilt he supposedly holds for her suicide.

A vague remark regarding their relationship being inherently ‘painful’, despite it being shown that they seemed happy in their relationship. This is emphasized in the “Cat” MV, where you get a better glimpse at their personal relationship.

—— • ——

“As you know, with this personality of mine... I have trouble talking to others about myself openly. I guess, despite physically being as big as I am, I've still got a cowardly side to myself.”

“I'm not interested in your self-deprecation.”

“There's something I'm thinking about now, with this situation... I... all of my sins and weaknesses that I've been hiding... I might have been subconciously waiting for for someone to forcibly uncover them all along.”

He has been “subconsciously waiting for someone to forcibly uncover them,” which implies a sense of relief when he is finally uncovered as a liar. He would not have to show face, or lie about himself.

This is common in gay people who cannot reveal their identity due to negative reception/social status. It is easier to hide than it is to reveal and be honest with those around you, though that relief would still exist.

—————————————————

The “Half” MV.

the title for half could easily be showing a one-sided love— only one ‘half’ sharing that love.

“If only your heart would change, but that’s not possible.”

Here we begin with the first bits of implication, and strongly at that. The description of the video highlights a lyrical piece I believe is incredibly important— as I personally believe it’s him speaking to himself. He had no reason for his wife to have a change of heart, he is shaming himself here. He has openly stated he dislikes himself, so it’s not necessarily surprising.

“Laughing together, side by side, this distance in our relationship is misleading me. Is this what happiness is?”

Under the idea that Kazui seeked compassion and love in a relationship, as it’s hinted at in “Cat”, it’s likely around this time that he actually began to realize that he had struggled to be attracted to her beyond face value. What he lists is not inherently romantic, and in fact can be viewed as a lyric about a best friend whom viewed him as a lover.

“Where did I go wrong? Probably from the beginning,

Please tell me what I should do, feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear”

He’s beginning to understand that his feelings aren’t attraction to her, but built up on the ideal of what attraction should be. Kazui mentions that his parents would be disappointed in him now— and that begs the question, why? His life was generally exactly as you’d expect if not more from an adult man. He seemed to have a well-off job, a loving wife, and the only thing missing is a lack of kids. There was nothing there to disappoint them in the first place.

“I could try you, and I could touch you, but you probably wouldn’t notice

I understand that this love is out of bounds, so nothing has to change”

After these lines, likely referencing Kazui’s inability to grasp their relationship romantically, he is shown to stare up at his audience member self. I am under the belief that there are two Kazui’s: the one masking his sexuality, and the other painfully aware of it. The ‘actor’ (masking) one proceeds to gesture his head over for the audience member to proceed to the right— and this is where he sees it.

The “Forbidden Fruit” Motif

This will be referenced in both MV’s.

It’s hard to explain the origin of the “Forbidden Fruit” idea, but the generalized concensus for the usage of this motif in media is the following :

As a metaphor outside of the Abrahamic religions, the phrase typically refers to any indulgence or pleasure that is considered illegal or immoral.

Kazui’s forbidden fruit motif is intense. The representation of it through a green apple is something he finds with distaste, stepping away from it and staring aghast.

“All this time till now has hurt me. The scales of my heart has decided to sway.”

Kazui is unhappy. He is admitting to that unhappiness, even being pictured in the MV as this is when he confessed to his wife.

“If continuing to hide is called unhappiness, not even one word will get to you.”

I’m not sure what to make of the second part, I believe to an extent this is her ‘denial’ of his feelings. A fear that this is happening, something that is truly real. Kazui openly states he’s unhappy, and she cannot fathom that. Reasonably so.

“I’m sure nothing will change and we’ll laugh together and call each other stupid names.

So many things I wish I hadn’t known, i’m just a coward.

Why is it questioning me now?”

Kazui wished to remain friends. And that broke her. That broke her enough to which she ended up committing suicide. He was oblivious, and let his emotional side get to him— this is why he insists on the fact he “failed when he prioritized his emotions.”

—————————————————

The Birthday Art

For their birthdays in 2021, Milgram released art + merch with the characters, with flowers representative of aspects of their characters. Flower meaning plays a large role in this.

Kazui has a spiderwort on his vest. This can be representative of “wisdom” or “I respect you, but not in love”. Uh.. do I really have to hyper-analyze this?

—————————————————

Second Trial Voice Drama : “ Imposter Boulevard “

FINALLY. Dead confirmation that the cheating theories are entirely false— which begs the question of ‘What the hell is going on with this man?’ … You know why we’re here.

In this voice drama, i’d argue he’s incredibly open about the fact there’s more to him than we initially believed. Thank you Onigiriico for the translations!

“That’s ridiculous. If you can save someone by telling a lie, that’s what you should do.”

“However… You killed someone with your lies, didn’t you?”

“… Ah… You forgave me, didn’t you? Aren’t you being especially strict towards me?”

He admits that lying in order to save someone is where his moral compass lies.

“Marriage is something that both partners want equally, isn’t it? It’s something you can’t do if only one person wants it. Deciding to treat it as a punishment all on your own… You’re making a mockery out of it.”

“I really am. Ah… She must have thought so as well. My wife, that is.”

“I’ve said this before: You’re a liar. Those lies have killed a person.”

No notes. You get it.

“I despise myself for lying, too. Being a liar, you see – it’s painful.”

“Heh. Then just–“

“So I’ve tried to change! I’ve tried to change. I have tried to stop lying to myself and others!”

“…”

“I’ve confided in others. I’ve tried to be myself! I’ve tried to just be the way I was born!”

“…Hey, Kazui–“

“It’s not my lies that killed her. She’s dead because I stopped lying to her! If I had just kept lying- She wouldn’t have died…!”

The implication that he has had to ‘confide’ in others, attempting to be himself rather than the masking he has done all his life.. and now here he is, in Milgram, reminded of his past. Hauntingly, almost.

“All the lies I’ve told are tying me down. Ever since I was little, I’ve never truly opened myself to anyone. But in the end, people can’t be saved if they don’t [open up]. And by now, it’s gotten to a point where I can’t do it by myself anymore…”

( machinery whirrs, bell rings )

“I did think Milgram would be able to force its way past that, though.”

He’s hidden he was gay since he was a child, but he knows the Milgram Prison of all things can dig into his memory and force him to confess.

—————————————————

The “Cat” MV.

With the active removal of the ‘cheating’ theory people centrically revolved towards, the introduction of the “Cat” MV was something i’ve been looking forward to for a while now due to the possibilities that it contained. And possibilities it showed, investing in the origin of the couple we’ve been following for so long. Two coworkers turned into a married couple, happily together with one ‘small’ issue. Kazui seems to recognize that his feelings for hers do not match what she wishes.. after they’re married.

“I just wanted to touch, to caress, i just wanted to be touched. So it’s wrong? Shove that!”

“If it’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lis for that?”

Kazui is seeking attention. He views romantic relationships as capable of giving him that, and assumed that’s what the relationships entail. In doing so, he’s indirectly ‘using’ her for the romantic aspects he’s unaware he doesn’t reciprocate. He views this as the normality for relationships, assumably having not been in many before then.

“Love (plus) Destiny = Crap

Smash it, shatter it, bye-bye

That sticky-sweet sequence: Dinner + Camouflage + You-Know-What

Loving Affection (minus) Love

Victim and Perpetrator, let’s keep it simple”

A long collective of lines, but it’s perfectly representative of what I previously stated. Kazui cannot understand what is meant to be a romantic relationship. In discovering what he believes to be one, he lashes out, assuming that relationships are something that he deem more inconvenient than the exciting things that are talked about in stories.

This is where Kazui begins to realize he is not happy in his relationship, and it is not because of his wife. And of course, in response to this distress— not too long later in the video, the green apple returns.

The return of the “Forbidden Fruit”, a constant reminder that he is living a lie. I don’t believe this is directly meant to symbolize his homosexuality, but rather the aspects of it he is trying to ignore. He is hiding the things he knows will hurt her, even if it hurts him. As stated in one of the lines during this sequence:

“All the things I wanna do that I can’t say out loud, I gotta keep it inside and act.”

He has conformed to the idea of just being another actor playing his role in life. This will crumble soon. For both their sakes.

Quickly, the sequence shifts once again to Kazui’s inner dialogue.

“I can’t stop, I can’t be normal

This feeling, it can’t be gratified

This feeling, it yearns to be satisfied”

Kazui yearns for what he can’t have: a relationship where he shares the feelings his partner does. He yearns to love and be loved. He is an adult, far too late in his life ( in his eyes ) to do so. It’d be selfish to turn back now and begin a new life, but it’s just as painful to live a lie of loving someone he just is not capable of loving. This is why the sequence breaks so quickly.

He cannot confide in the smoking he is indulging in to cope, quickly taking the animal and taking a bite, representative of him tearing their marriage apart by his ‘confession’.

“I want to be loved, just like a cat”

And then his wife is shown to die, him bloodied from the animal and nothing but the facade left in the dust.

Kazui Mukuhara and Hinako Mukuhara were never meant to love. But in Kazui’s desperation, and Hinako’s love, they’ve created a lavender marriage(1) webbed in lies and deception— and the only way a love story like this ends is in tragedy.

—————————————————

Interrogation Notables

Who do you respect?

“You wouldn’t know them, but I have a childhood friend. I really look up to them. Sorry for bringing up someone you have no clue about.”

Do note that this “childhood friend” he briefly mentions has had he/him pronouns in a few translations. It is also notable that he mentions said childhood friend owns a boat. And guys like boats idk im grasping for straws here as usual

Is your family proud of you?

“No. They must find me embarrassing.”

Logic or Emotion, which do you prioritize more?

“I’ve failed before when prioritizing emotions. I’ll never act on my feelings again.”

Do you like yourself?

“Well, not really.”

If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do?

“Relax and go traveling, I guess. That childhood friend I talked about before has a boat.”

Do you regret your “murder”?

“I do regret it. I should’ve continued to just pile up my lies.”

Do you want to be forgiven?

“I don’t know. I do think I want my weakness to be accepted, if I were to be honest.”

—————————————————

Extra Speculation/Key Notes

The René Magritte painting comparison is something that’s notably been pointed out since Cat’s release, being that one of the shots mimics a painting of René Magritte’s very closely— though, one would mark it as coincidence, the comparison and meaning behind the piece actually makes it appear intentional.

The meaning behind the painting ‘The Son of the Man’, or in Margritte’s words, is “Everything we see hides something else. We always want to see what is hidden with what we see but this is not possible. Humans hide their secrets very well.” This is clearly intentional, given Kazui’s open inability to just confess to his ‘lying’ himself- entrusting on Milgram to open up his mind and make him confess to something he has hidden ‘since he was young’.

The “bartender”, or as the fandom has dubbed him “Kazui’s gay lover”, is a very popular outsider character to Milgram due to his seemingly close connection to Kazui. He is shown in both the “Half” and “Cat” as a sort of friend to him— a connection to the bar he is familiar with, and even resorts to in rough times. In the “Half” MV he is notably missing a wedding ring, whilst at the “Cat” wedding he is wearing one.

Many people theorize that Kazui recognized he had feelings for this man, and that was his way of recognizing that he was gay, whilst the feelings were unreciprocated due to him being assumably married. In a shot in “Cat”, Kazui is seen staring into a glass, although it’s unknown where or whom he is speaking to. A line says the following:

“Hey, so what if I said I like-liked you, what would you do?”

This is post-wedding, clearly thanks to Kazui’s scuffed appearance. But that is in no-way you would speak to your wife, is it not? It is easy to assume that he is speaking to the bartender in this instance.

DO NOTE : It is possible the bartender is not featured in the “Cat” MV, and it happens to be a design incredibly similar. He was in the center of the shot though, and that’d be an insane coincidence IMO.

@prisoner-000 : “ The roles he takes on in the play (Soldier, office worker, host) are anchored in masculinity, at least in their societal perceptions. His actor costume is supposed to represent his status as an actor even more clearly. (There seems to be a recurring motif of him as an “actor”). “

@prisoner-000 : Portal interaction addition.

—————————————————

I LOVE YOU KAZUI! 🫡🏳️‍🌈

I hope this does him justice..

I put a lot of effort into this, it would mean a lot if you interacted so more people could see. Thank you for reading!!

[mewmaru]

Masters of All Time Breakdown

I wrote all this in my notes, I’m gonna do two parts: this, then a rewrite which is gonna take a bit.

So I decided to watch Masters of All Time. My thoughts will be below. First, I noted everything I liked, and everything I didn’t. I did this as I watched the episode to try to get details as accurately as possible. So now here are the notes I took during the episode, and my thoughts afterwards.

Also before I get started, I want to make this clear: no hate if you like this episode. I’m glad you’re able to enjoy something that was legitimately painful for me. It has a really neat concept, and that’s part of where my disappointment comes from. This isn’t a personal attack on people who enjoy the episode, just me explaining why I hate it. Let’s get into it!

Everything of note that either makes no sense, or points out a writing flaw in other points of the series

Why would clockwork even let Danny do this? Yes, he’s hesitant but Clockwork has been shown to only interfere if absolutely necessary, and seems to think most things happen for a reason. This is one of the things you could excuse though because erasing Vlad’s powers I guess seems like a good idea? But Clockwork should know that something big will happen in result, that fuck Danny himself could not be a ghost or stop existing at all, like yeah Sam and Tucker won’t be infected but they may not even know him at all? At least Clockwork is like yeah you’re gonna learn thing the hard way but eh. Idk you could excuse this one but still doesn’t make sense to me.

How the fuck didn’t Danny realize how big of a difference one small change was gonna make. Like, his parents being ghost hunters and like, still together? Did he not realize that Vlad not having ecno acne was going to change a lot? The incident separated him from Jack and Maddie so him actually still being in their life could change a lot???? Like idk I get Danny’s just a teen but did he learn nothing from The Ultimate Enemy

Twenty years later Jack still has the ecno acne; we don’t have an exact say on why Vlad’s went into remission but it likely had to do with ghost powers and years of hospitalization, was Jack not hospitalized? Wouldn’t he be dead from it?

Okay this one is a big gripe for me. WHY DOES JACK PLASMIUS LOOK LIKE VLAD PLASMIUS? Was that specific strain of ecno acne the vampire inspired strain or something because Vlad’s design is very intentional with his specific character, its personal to him. Jack would most definitely not have made himself look like that, especially with how he tried to do good at first. Like????

Jack hating ghosts makes sense in this world, honestly I wish Vlad shared more of a hatred for ghosts in our current timeline cause that would make a ton of sense “if it wasn’t for ghosts I wouldve never lost the love of my life” where’s that anger with Vlad?

VLAD BEING A FARMER DOESN’T FUCKING MAKE SENSE. Okay so like, you take from Bitter Reunions how he says “I didn’t have any old moves, all those years in the hospital robbed me of that” after being tackled holding a football implies he may have wanted to play football. That’s a stretch? Well his entire house is decked head to toe in packers memorabilia, and in the college photo we see HE’S WEARING PACKERS COLORS!!!! He couldn’t do an active career like football after being hospitalized, but if that never happened, why fucking. FARMING? DAIRY FARMING? HUUHHHH. WHERE DOES THIS COME FROM?

“I didn’t destroy the past, I destroyed the present!” YOU FUCKING THINK? WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN that like nothing else would change except Vlad not having ecno acne? Okay this one’s just a nitpick and I’m aware of that lol, Danny’s just a teen I know he wasn’t thinking about the consequences

WHHYYYYY does Vlad still live in the same castle? I know he’s the new dairy king whatever he owns that castle in the present cause he’s rich as sin, how did he become the dairy king? Maybe its explained? I’m writing this as I watch

Why does Vlad have grey hair? It became grey because of the incident. Speaking of, why does Jack have black hair? Make it make sense

Yeah this is a complaint because you’ll see. Vlad is clearly in love with Maddie, truly. He seems to genuinely care for her. I know later they just make him controlling for no reason which I’ll get into but like, it’s nice to see him actually care for her and her care for him too.

Why is Vlad super anti ghost? One of my “compliments” is how I think Jack hating ghosts makes sense. And tbh in the true current, Vlad having a hatred for ghosts for the same reason would make sense, he was disfigured, hospitalized, and he never got to confess to the girl he loved the most. In this world, Vlad has no good reason to hate ghosts unless he for some reason knows Jack is a ghost? We see that before any changed to the timeline are made, Vlad was a bit annoyed with how Jack and Maddie got along, maybe it has something to do with that? I dunno. I feel like this choice was made just so they gave Vlad a reason to be controlling. But Vlad is only the way he is because of the incident bitter and resentful of a life he never got to have, so why the fuck is he just controlling and mean? Why when he has everything he wants, is he still a dick? Because he’s just like that no matter what because the writers didn’t want to add anything thought provoking about how Maddie and Vlad could’ve actually been good for each other. No, Vlad’s evil no matter what blah blah blah

AND ANOTHER THING. Maddie is shown to have other personality traits then liking ghost hunting, like, Jack is the one super obsessed. She’s the one that gets annoyed that Jack makes it his everything. Who knows, if she had a life without Jack, would she have continued her thing for ghosts? Thought provoking questions this episode won’t answer. This was again just a choice made so Vlad could be controlling.

Vlad immediately forgives Maddie because he doesn’t wanna doubt her oh gee maybe its cause he actually loves her. Nahhh we can’t have that.

How did Maddie build an entire underground ghost Lab that Vlad didn’t notice. Also how does she still have the suit

Whyyyyy would Vlad slander Jack to Maddie? Is the personality they wanna give that Vlad was always jealous of Jack and Maddie’s relationship? I mean, I guess so? I guess this one could make sense but it makes me wish we knew more about their trio’s relationship in college besides what we see and how Jack describes it; Vlad did always seem like a third wheel, I guess this one could happen but as I said, just makes me wish we had more context as a whole, could make this action make more sense

Why is Vlad in his suit all of a sudden. Did they forget what episode they were doing. Did they just straight up forget. Also it’s the middle of the night why isn’t he in pajamas or something. Huh.

I just hate the narrative Danny Phantom has as a whole with how some characters are just meant to be together so other pairings have to not work or be bad in some way. How about thought provoking stuff about how the relationships that seem destined to be actually good have some solid rivalry? No? All other parings don’t work just because even if it means mischaracterizing? Kay.

I had a thought here about Vlad’s anger at Danny not making sense but I don’t remember what it was. Maybe relates again to the ghost hating thing making no sense. Idk my brain cells are dying.

“None of this should be happening” “I like it this way” what this way? Being with Maddie? I mean yeah? I mean did the writers forget that Vlad doesn’t have the knowledge of his baseline current self here?

Because I hate it so much just another point to say I hate Vlad’s behavior here. He’s just evil and manipulative no matter what? Why? Just because? Because that’s Vlad Masters? Are we forgetting that his usual behavior is very much a product of his rage and bitterness about a life that was robbed of him? Or am I just giving the “evil villain” too much credit. This is pissing me off

Things I liked about the episode:

I think the bit at the beginning with Danny’s parents embarrassing him was silly, entertaining

I like Vlad’s attitude of like “oh you’re giving me chills” just his sassiness lmao

I like getting to see more insight into the day of the incident, Vlad trying to confess but being stopped by Maddie, that was neat

Seeing exactly what caused the incident was neat, too, that it truly was Jack’s fault

It’s kinda funny that we can tell Jack didn’t name Danny cause he thinks the name is dumb

I do like we get to see Jack chose the name Jasmine, as he mentions having a cat named Jasmine

I liked seeing Vlad say like oh Danny I knew you could do it, neat to see him acknowledge that Danny can be pretty smart, even if he kinda forced his hand here

I’m too tired to go into detail, so I’ll do it later but Jesus Christ this episode sucked. It had good things about it but so much shit just didn’t make sense and was just a blatant mischaracterization of Vlad

Alright I’m finally back to this after a couple of weeks, the episode seriously drains me that much, wish I was kidding. As stated in a previous post this episode makes me so angry that it has the power to make me dissociate and feel physically ill. Some of my comments are nitpicks, and I’m aware of that. I hate the episode so I’m just angry about even little things, I know that’s weird, lol. But, I thought I’d share these nitpicks anyway.

The notion that Vlad would be evil no matter what just doesn’t make a single lick of sense considering how Bitter Reunions builds him up to show that his anger and well, bitterness stems from being robbed of the life he never got, and his desperation to have that life now. Maybe I’m just biased but Jesus. Some people will try to claim that Vlad would still be evil therefore deserves no sympathy on like, posts and videos about him and if someone starts their comment with “but in masters of all time”, the rest of the comment is immediately static to me.

I do want to make it clear the things Vlad does due to his anger is not acceptable (I’ve even got an analysis of his character in the works that addresses this further), I just see so much potential for him to be better, and Masters of All Time could’ve been that episode. To show that he’s truly a victim of circumstance that is overwhelmed by his anger and jealousy, that these events truly shaped him into the not so great person we see in the show, but that he didn’t /have/ to be evil, that if given the life he wanted, the one he felt he deserved, that he could’ve been better.

I also think this episode missed the mark to be more creative design wise. Jack could’ve had his own ghost form! That would’ve been so cool! I also would’ve LOVED to see more of the college trio’s dynamic. Were Vlad and Jack truly best friends, or was that just Jack’s rose tinted glasses? I know it’s a kids show from 20 years ago but damn they could’ve done more here. I think this episode could’ve benefited from being another 40 minute special, although I know that’s unrealistic. Just a sorta, how I’d do things thing.

That’s basically it from me in terms of the episode. But, only for now. I plan to rewrite the episode, soon! Including some of my own HCs about the college trio, and who Vlad could’ve been if the incident didn’t happen, and how Jack and Maddie could’ve been! How this could’ve been a more thought provoking episode as a whole. I may even do some drawings :3 I’m excited to share my thoughts on what we could’ve had. But, keep in mind they will simply be my ideas, and not a definitive “the writers should’ve done this instead”, just my hcs and such. This is my first sorta DP writing post, but hopefully not my last. I enjoy sharing my thoughts like this, and I know some of my YTTD ones have reached a good bit of people, so I’m curious as to how this’ll be received.

Again, yeah, I’m biased, I hate this episode, I nitpicked. This is not at all a defense of every single bad thing Vlad has done, just my opinions on why the choices made here don’t make sense.

[madebycoffee]

Seven Sins Challenge: Which of your OCs fits pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth. Then pass it on...

Oki I arguably thought about this too much. I swapped sims for sins, I looked at the descriptions of each sin, i looked at the 7 heavenly virtues and assigned a few sims to them... I specifically wanted sims who fell into the categories in a more negative way... Back in my extreme drawing days it was a yearly occasion that I would draw OCS as the sins... Might do it again who knows but here is the results of me thinking about this basically for 3 days:

-

Keith Adamson This was the easiest one lol. Envied people who had happy home lives and families. Envied his best friend for the fame, and has tried desperately to get it for himself. Them green eyes be green with envy oh ho ho.

Cordelia Steele Cordy's pride in herself and her independence from being the youngest, has caused her frequently to think she never needs help and everything can be done on her own. This is something she has worked past to a certain extent after the losses she's suffered. But it's still there.

Vivi Ahn This one took a while, but of all my sims I would say Vivi embodies sloth as a sin the most. She has big dreams of model fame, but doesn't particularly think she needs to do much if any work to get there. She assumes she naturally will make her way to the top. No need to lift a finger really.

Sergio Tombs I had several sims that I thought could fall under lust (one of them I switched to a different sin in this lul) After the vamps started being on my mind, I realized Sergio was the most pristine example of a deadly sin. It was his ~lust~ for a supernatural beauty that led to his undead life he has now. And as a vampire he has that bloodlust.

Sorella Cortes Sorella is the youngest of everyone here, so she's still a work in progress and eventually will get past anger being her common reaction. But right now she feels immense anger at the multiple people in her life who've lied to her. To people who've abandoned her (either on purpose or no). Top it all off with still being a teenager, she's just a teapot on the edge of the boil at all times.

Rochelle King The award winning producer behind the Gianlerette. Sure she's greedy in the sense of money, but more so in respect, ratings, and reputation. She's been climbing the ranks of SH1 and shows no sign of stopping. She doesn't care how many people she has to step on to get what she wants deserves.

Ramone Caruso This is the one that took me so long. Ramone fits into this sin in his own way. Allowing his previous wealthy relationships to shower him with anything and everything nice he might want. Specifically over indulging in the finer things when he's with those partners.

-

I could talk about all of these for ages, the seven sins are such an interest point to me specifically for art. IDK it just hits right. Also sometimes when you look up the sins, Vanity is swapped in for Pride, so my pick for that is my sim Grace Harrington. lol

anywayyyyy

[pumpkinrootbeer]

DONT listen to redditors when they tell you a good jumping off point to get into spiderman comics is Superior!! they are lying to you!! not even as a dig at superior spiderman, as much as i love making fun of it it's a good comic run

but I can't imagine recommending the one where Peter gets freaky friday-ed into a dying doc ock's shriveled body and then proceeds to die in said shriveled body as Doc Ock fucks around in Spiderman's body. and you have to read dying wish which is honestly a pretty dense 5 issue run leading up to Superior Spider-Man on its own, filled with characters that you won't have encountered unless you've been reading asm up to that point (be honest how many of you have even heard of horizon labs.) But then the first like 5ish issues of ssm Doc Ock just tries to get with MJ and also it is HEAVILY SUGGESTED to that doc ock has feelings for May. In Peter's Body. And the whole time Peter is just stuck as a ghost watching doc ock SORT OF FLIRT WITH HIS AUNT IN HIS BODY ? and I'll stop here. but in no world would I suggest maybe one of the most absurd spiderman comics (sure it's no sins of the past but come on) to someone who has only seen the movies or the cartoons, and wants to get into the comics. I get that it's like a fan favorite but come on!!

anyway here's what id recommend people read if they want to Spiderman:

Obviously ASM is the main title and if youre really committed to being in the know on spiderman, it's definitely The place to go. But also it has 900+ issues and it can hard to find a good starting place.

I don't hate the 2022 run as much as some people do (totally reasonably btw there's some choices I'm not crazy for eithsr), and since it's the ongoing run there's not as much you'd have to read to be caught up. A lot of it is little 3-4 issue self contained stories! There's only fifty-threeee (?) issues out rn so plenty to read but not as daunting as the almost One Thousand Issues that lay before you and a near 60+ year run. I also hear the 2012 run is pretty good but I've only read a few issues here and there of that one so I cannot speak to it myself lol

Another series that's not too long but still has plenty there: Deadpool/Spider-Man! has two fan favorites and absolutely plenty of wacky comic antics. The first big plotline isn't the best but the character moments more than make up for it. Only 50 issues so not too bad! Plus, the run is over so you won't be trying to catch up (im hoping they revive it <-self delusion)

Avenging Spider-Man is another good jumping off point imo! It's a team-up series that will point you to ongoing plotlines without dragging you into them, so if one happens to strike your fancy you can go find those comics to read that storyline. It's fun, heartfelt, and self contained (for the most part). Can you tell I like team up stories yet.

For individual issues you can read completely standalone:

Deadpool annual #2 (2013)

Avenging Spider-Man #4

Amazing Spider-Man #248

Daredevil #8 & #9 (2016) (two issues ik im cheating, trust me though)

And if you're just looking to get into comics in general, here's a couple stand alone miniseries that I really like (all 10 issues or less!)

Gwenpool Strikes Back (spiderman is in this one!)

Hawkeye: Freefall (spideys here too!!)

Defenders 2017 (he's not here though... as far as I can remember)

(also you can find all of these online! (for free ;)) at readcomicsonline.li but for the love of god don't use that site if you don't have an ad blocker)

[sebsxphia]

Sebbie you're either gonna love me or hate me for this one but I had a thot pop into my head at work and couldn't resist the urge to sin (lol).

You and Preacher!Rhett have been living in the Montana area for a little while now and have been settling in with Amy in your big timberframe house that Rhett and some family friends helped build. Amy's being looked after by an elderly neighbor who is also one of the parishioners at the church which leaves you and Rhett pretty much alone in the house.

Rhett's having a little trouble coming up with a sermon and the fact that you both just feel like utter shit in winter doesn't help (he swears he caught a bad lung infection from one of the high school youth group kids he mentors). So you both decide to take a rather unconventional approach to keep the writer's block at bay (lol).

You light a fire in the fireplace and decide you're gonna fuck each other stupid and hope for the best. Rhett is literally balls deep inside you while you're on top of him, trying to come up with literally anything which often has some hilarious results.

"Darlin, remind me again *THRUST!*.......Genesis 50:21?"

You're gladly repeating back to him what you can remember and all the while, he's trying hard to both concentrate on his sermon and to keep you from losing balance and falling off his cock (lol). The writer's block gets solved pretty quick, but unfortunately for the both of you, you can't stop smirking or blushing when Rhett delivers his sermon that Sunday (lol).

Sebbie, do with this what you will, I don't know how the hell this came to me, but I'm damn glad it did (lol).

ehehe omg this had me giggling so hard 🤭🤭 i’m so in love with this thot and i also wouldn’t put it past him to recite and or, think of sermons/passages as he’s balls deep in your cunt. it’s his happy place <3

thank you so much for this delicious thot my love! 💌

[petertingle-yipyip]

okay bestie I have an actual question for you about writing, because I always just have so many ideas but don't know where to start/never complete them. so like how do you start do you plot everything out and then start writing or are you writing and figure it out during? and like how do you keep motivated writing every chapter? omg and what do you do when something you had in mind doesn't work out with the plot? help pls

hi bestie!! i talk a lot so imma put a break for others to scroll past lol

so, ideas. inspiration. motivation. plot. it comes and goes. movies, music, random quotes, plot ideas/requests come from like anywhere for me. what i tend to do is name the project, write a basic summary and what character it’s for, and see what happens. i don’t force myself to finish any one project (hence the abandoned SOUR miniseries and recently revisited sin miedo). that’s in part why WCS and MAG have been such long running sagas here, bc i don’t force myself to write anymore.

when i did, i produced content that i didn’t love. i was posting stories that i wasn’t confident in and that i read and am embarrassed to have put that out.

typically, it starts with a bit of dialogue that comes to me in the shower or when i’m daydreaming at work. from there, i kinda work backwards. how’d they get to that conversation? what are the implications? what’s the setting? what do they know? all that world building fills itself in and sometimes i pick stuff for the fun of it.

when something doesn’t work, i change something. for example, mag s1 has some stuff that doesn’t match the canon timeline bc one, i didn’t plan on extending the series so far so i was nitpicking what i wanted and two i didn’t have the episodes in front of me bc i wasn’t planning a whole canon journey. i took out some relationships (matt x claire for example) bc it didn’t serve my plot.

i’ve also rewritten plots bc i just didn’t like them. i have a project where the reader is matt’s gf and is meeting foggy/karen but matt has the idea for a game where they just flirt with each other till his friends figure it out. initially i had it to where foggy starts flirting with her and introduces her and she plays along till matt gets too jealous but i didn’t like the way it was turning out. so i scrapped it and started over.

a big part of writing, in my opinion, is drafts and edits. ultimately, whatever your writing, it’s your universe. it’s your project. if something isn’t working, you are well within your rights to change it. it’s not canon until you post it so rewrite it as many times as you have to. no one said you have to immediately post what you write. it’s a little different with mag since i’ve established her entire dd canon and hinted her punisher canon so i have to fill the gaps of what ive already made so i have to keep referencing what ive posted to make sure she’s consistent but that’s it own thing.

lastly, let’s talk motivation. girly pop, it’s gonna come and go. i take so many breaks in posting or writing just bc im at a part that i don’t wanna write but i have to for plot purposes. sometimes i hate the exposition of a piece but i just wanna do the actual important scenes. so i lag and avoid it until im like ‘yknow what, let’s just do it’ and this is where the edits and drafts come in. usually, it’s just a ‘let’s throw some words on the page and come back to it’ situation. sometimes i rewrite all of it, sometimes i don’t, other times it’s just a few edits here or there.

the base of writing as i understand it is trusting yourself and your ideas. some stuff is gonna take off, like woman, others will fall flat like dirty thoughts (i think that’s what i called it, a marc spector piece). it’s also your blog so as long as it feels genuine to you and your abilities, go for it :)

[sllvertongue]

hi ! i (they/them) am posting live from work......but im excited to present jeong haeran, socialite by day, nightrunner gwisin by night, and god's favoritest bastard 24/7. she's trying desperately to find a mask that's big enough to hide everything she's ashamed about, a problem that she thinks can also be ~magicked away~ if she could just get to astra.

🤍 i haven't gotten around to her proper bg yet, but here is her profile, plots, & inspo board! i'm also available on dc if anyone prefers, so just lmk.

so . her forbidden backstory (tw for mentions of murder):

born and raised in ansan and has never been anywhere else, to her dismay

just turned 27 last month, has been a part time pianist at revel for around 8 months now, starting a little after her fiance's disappearance.

on that note, she was engaged last year. no one rly saw her coming ? like, literally, she was a nobody before. it was rly the engagement that catapulted her into ansan's upper class scene, where she worked her way up and became known as jeong haeran! self taught pianist! aspiring museum curator! future loving wife (shudders)!

what they don't know, and what she intends for them to never find out, is that she's the daughter of jeong minah, a convicted murderer.

on paper, there's nothing wrong with this. if she were a more optimistic person, she would hope that people would be able to look beyond her past n just see her as she presents herself. but she's not lol.

all of it went down during the dawn of her early adulthood and so, as u would expect, fucked severely w her sense of identity. then life decided to throw it into another blender during the first and only time she goes to visit her mother, where her mother tells her, i did it for us.

most details are unknown. when it all happened, she was shielded from the details, and she has Not had any oustanding urges to revisit the whole situation, thank u. the first thing she did w her fiance's money is pay the enforcers to lock away anything that could trace her back to that past.

but the Daughter Syndrome is very very very very very hard to shake off. no matter where she goes, what name she uses, how she dresses, she is still Her Mother's Daughter. and every time her mother writes her from prison, haeran tramples over every boundary she has tried to set in a rush to read it and (despite how much she wants to despise her) hear how her mother is doing.

so anyway her identity is currently ? ? ? ? ! ! ! not doing so hot. and brother , the gender of it all

presents masc and goes by gwisin / sin (he / him) around the nightrunner circle. has a voicebox mod that lets her sound more masc and dresses as formlessly as possible. as far as everyone is concerned, it's she/they when it's "haeran" and he/him when it's "sin." its a fluid thing to her, more concerned abt the expression than identity (since paradoxically her identity is heavily defined by how she thinks ppl perceive her). it's all about trying to be so far away from how she typically appears to others, that no one would recognize her anymore

ooc / she/they is perfectly fine for her in writing, but he/him for threads where she is presenting as gwisin! it is also ok (nd highly encouraged by me!!!) for your muse to perceive/refer to gwisin using masc terms!!

more recently:

her first involvement with the nightrunners was watching races when she was a teen. after her mother was convicted and she officially became "independent," inheriting what little money their family had, the first thing she did was buy a bike and start racing her #problems away

i'd say her most active years were about 4 years ago? around 25 yrs old, she realized she was never going to get out of here if she didn't get herself out -- and where tf could she go where her name couldn't follow her?

astra seemed like the only logical solution. so she put down the nightrunner mask, sold her bike, prettied up, and went into the business of scamming ppl into believing her new bougie identity

she was good about it for a few months. she found a boyfriend, tho completely unattracted to him. grew bored, started sneaking out to watch races again. moved in w the boyfriend. grew more bored and went back to the place she sold her bike. it was long gone by then of course, but the owner took pity on her and pointed her to a mechanic who helped her build one from scratch.

then the happy couple got engaged, which loops us back to the start

her fiance went missing almost a year ago. no one knows what happened; the popular story is that he flew off to astra, but no one's heard from him since. did haeran have smth to do with it ... ? idk ...

tldr: she spends her days conning her place into upper society and then relieving the frustrations of that whole affair w her bike. she IS going to make it to astra someday though, mark her words.

my goals for her: for her to actually, finally move on from her past OR embrace it and reconcile w her mother. for her to find bouts where she feels like "herself." to less nefarious abt it all (possibly unrealistic)

potential plots:

plot page plug

someone w/ connections to astra?? someone she noted as her possible ticket up there and is now trying to get closer to?

fellow nightrunners... she's competitive but loves a good dirty trick even if it means she loses

a person she can shit talk with. rly, it goes a long way. she's been wearing such a clean, pristine mask for years now, and she misses when she used to just not care

other music enjoyers ? she technically conned her way into the "pianist" title too, she knows her way around keys and can read music but....doesn't rly know anything beyond the pieces she has to play for work.

accidental sugar babies lmao. i feel like her fiance was well off and all that money's left with her now, and she has a tendency of seeing someone and being like Damn u are one pathetic meowmeow, so to speak, and then giving them a little something to buy food/clothes with

past flings (fem/nb identifying muses)

other emos w parent issues. lets talk about it

[paragonrising]

2, 9, 13 owo

munday asks \\ ✧ // accepting

2. is it hard for you to write with characters you don’t know/don’t know well?

No, but that’s because either it’s super easy for me, or I just won’t even try. Lol.

Expanding on that, it depends on how unfamiliar I am with the character and if I'm comfortable with my partner. If it’s an obscure character from a fandom or universe I genuinely enjoy – there’s hardly any struggle. As long as said partner doesn’t mind me asking questions, or me referencing back to wikis once in a while, there’s no problem.

A good example of this is @tangleweave's Beta Ray Bill. I know almost nothing about the character save for he’s in the Marvel comics (of which I’ve never read a single one), is worthy of Mjolnir (in said comics), and his face is on the arena tower on Sakaar during Thor: Ragnarok. That’s the entirety of my knowledge. In the realm of the MCU, Beta Ray Bill is very obscure. He’s literally just a big ass face on a spire.

But I also know tangleweave loves Beta Ray Bill, and has talked about him on a few occasions. So, when the opportunity came up to have them interact, why not take it? Now Beta Ray and Carol get to fight each other >:D

If the character is from a fandom, universe, etc. I don’t enjoy or absolutely don’t know of – I’m probably not going to write with said character. I’ll avoid the whole struggle.

9. when you look at a new blog, what is it that makes you press the follow button? is it the muse, the aesthetics, the writing–?

Answered here, so instead you get visited by a flerken!

13. what themes/motifs do you hope other people notice most about your character?

I am going to blunder through this answer because I’m notoriously bad at these sorts of questions. So please forgive me. xD

I think the overall theme is that she’s trying her best. She doesn’t lack for power, in fact she’s the strongest person in the room, but patience has never been her forte and people have suffered for it.

Carol is always trying to make up for sins of her past, but unfortunately, that doesn’t often happen. The consequences of her actions are always catching up with her, but if she flies high enough, far enough, and fast enough – then maybe she can keep one step ahead.

She has a drive to remember parts of herself that the Kree stole away. The prospect that she might never regain all her memories makes her struggle with relationships, and dealing with problems that she can’t solve with her fists or abilities. She remembers more about Hala then she does about Earth, creating a sense of homelessness she hides.

[weebsinstash]

Follow up from this post about The Silent Alpha because wow this is wild (also this posr is long as fuck because i basically just started retelling the plot because it's entirely drama now lol:

-Vanessa is one determined bitch, you have to give her that. She actually gets her hands on black market werewolf venom because Christian refuses to turn her and she's read becoming a werewolf can sometimes heal old injuries and she thinks it can give her her fertility back (also she fucked the guy who sold it to her for a discount)

-Vanessa um. Is actually kind of justified for being the way she is. It's revealed that her and Natalia's parents always heavily favored Natalia for being smarter and more talented to the point Vanessa was just openly insulted. Like it gives us some flashbacks and Vanessa goes to show her mom a good report card, mom throws it on the table "what, you want a medal? You should be making the honor roll every time just like your sister. I didn't leave my country for you to not take advantage of your education" but then Vanessa joins the cheer squad and her mother still has no time for her? Just always comparing her to Natalia? And then you know what happens? Vanessa, needing some praise and recognition, goes to a party and winds up getting roofied and raped by a college boy, and after her experience, which she never even told a single person about btw, it traumatized her and she became sexually promiscuous to "erase every single trace that he ever touched me. Sex became like a transaction to me. It's something i can use to my benefit" LIKE Y'ALL THAT'S LITERALLY TRAUMA? I can't exactly sitting here boiling with rage "oh wait youre telling me the big bad villain is a girl who was neglected in her childhood, raped as a teenager, shoved aside as a young adult, and then had her heart shattered as her love found another? Yeah no I actually want her to have something good come here way at this point" So I can 100% completely genuinely understand how Vanessa became this way.

-being hit with the venom, which was specifically supposed to be Alpha werewolf venom, sends her into a delirious coma (it's during this coma we see these glimpses into her past and it's kind of heartbreaking, it kind of just sounds like all she ever wanted was some recognition and praise) where she's fighting for her life for an undisclosed amount of time but it sounds like she's suffering really vivid out of body experiences of being stuck in pitch blackness and falling into water and. At the end of it all? She sees her wolf, a big beautiful strong wolf! Except the Moon Goddes appears and says PSYCH, bitch this WOULD HAVE been your wolf if you had trusted MY PLAN. I had a wolf and a mate who would have the patience and love for you all picked out and you ruined it girl!

-the moon goddess tells her straight up that, you know what, in fact I'm giving this Alpha wolf to your sister instead since you took her mate from her :) which uhhhh I feel like this raises some consent issues but maybe Natalia is going to ask Zane to turn her this time around and then she gets a wolf? But otherwise if Natalia just wakes up as a wolf someday I feel like that raises some red flags

-Vanessa wakes up and finds out Christian's Beta, Derek, is her mate now that she has a wolf. But he instantly pussies out and rejects her because she's the Luna and is already with Christian (even though Dereks wolf literally says outright 'but christian is just planning to replace her when he finds natalia, why dont we just take our mate? We literally dont even have to reject her dude' But Derek doesnt really want Vanessa after seeing what a snake she is). But like, was he supposed to be her mate the whole time? Why did they never feel the mate bond before? It's kind of a plothole

-Vanessa fucking JETS once Derek rejects her and leaves the room to speak with a nurse, who reveals, hey yo Vanessa is like magically healed and she's pregnant? (Presumably with the rogue werewolf's baby since Christian doesn't sleep with her anymore after finding out about Natalia being pregnant years ago) which btw means Vanessa doesn't even know she's pregnant either

-Derek goes to tell Christian that Vanessa is pregnant and Christiain outright tells Derek to kill Vanessa and the unborn pup "because Dakota is his only heir and Natalia is his true mate" like he's obsessed with getting Natalia back, meanwhile Natalia is rising Zane's dick and Dakota has started calling Zane his dad. Like Christian says straight up "get rid of that pup before Dakota and Natalia come back or so help me--"

-honestly? I feel bad for Vanessa. Yeah she did something really shittty and horrible but I understand it. Christian was actually a genuine source of support for her after a lifetime of being looked down on and she lost him to Natalia? I would kill myself. I find it kind of odd the moon goddess felt the need to say "oh, I had it all planned but you ruined it" like clearly it already wasn't working out? You literally mated Natalia with a piece of shit scumbag who wound up betraying her, was that part of the plan too? Like is the moon goddess implying Vanessa is responsible for Christian's actions and that this sort of scenario never would have happened without Vanessa? That Christian never wouod have cheated? That feels like bullshit and doesn't make Christian take accountability at all? And how long is Vanessa supposed to wait for her happiness, for this oh so sacred plan? She's a grown woman in her twenties, like how long is she supposed to wait. I find it a little um insulting and deflective that the story is framed as Vanessa getting her just desserts when it's like uh, actually she had a pretty valid reason for being bitter and a snake, she was literally put down her entire life. Like she's literally a product of her environment? Was it Vanessa's fault her mom treated her like shit and called her an idiot to her face? And really tbh, how good even is moon goddess' oh so beloved plan if you can. Knock it off track. Spoiler alert but if you can uh change your destiny it's not actually your destiny. So. Idk?

-I'm still real bitter about Vanessa actually. Moon G is like "I'm still going to give you a wolf tho, she isn't much but you can become strong together if you work hard" nd Vanessa's new wolf is like small and brown and pitiful and we don't even hear her speak or learn her name unlike the first wolf who literally spoke up and introduced herself, to be honest I'm not sure if the new brown wolf CAN speak? (Edit: Nevermind, its a plot point that humans cannot speak to their new wolves until they are marked which is lowkey really stupid tbh) And isn't it kind of a punishment for this innocent wolf spirit to be given to Vanessa? Unless the wolf spirit is also on some sort of probation? I actually read another story once where when a werewolf dies they burn the body so the wolf spirit can go back to the moon goddess and be reborn again so idk, maybe these are old spirits or something 🤔

-this is, like, a graphic sex audiobook by the way. They give you the whole menagerie of "cunt, pussy, pussy folds, wet hole, hard cock" there's a queef at one point that becomes a recurring joke, like, some of these stories have no erotic, some of them have tasteful erotic, and some of them get naaaaaaasty, like I think literally the whiplash between chapter 3 is Natalia leaving her pack heartbroken and chapter 4 immediately beginning with having Christian fucking Vanessa in graphic detail like it literally transitions from Natalia being betrayed and heartbroken to Christian nose deep in her sister

-backstabbing pussy Gamma Jordan is sent to find out where Natalia was living and gains the trust of her coworkers to get her number and warn her that Christian is going feral and is coming for her and Dakota, as well as Vanessa being infertile

-Christian contacts motherfucking WITCHES to track Dakota and Natalia down because he's too impatient to wait for Jordan. The witches perform a ritual with blood and Natalia's hairbrush and say the God of Chaos heard their plea and can find his family "for a hefty price"

"I can give you all the money you need"

"No, not money, blood"

"Whose?"

"Your mother's"

-I have to briefly go out of the order of events to bring up that like 10 chapters later, Christian does in fact kill his own mother and it's CHILLING. His mother, Kay, is genuinely scared and worried for him and asks him out for a run. They shift and are running and playing tag and he's remembering his childhood and he's legitimately fucking broken. He and his mother stop and she tells him she just wants to help, that hes sick, and it's emphasized that he's very meek and quiet while he asks "do you really think I'm sick mom ..?" Like he's actually considering some sort of help

Do you remember how before I mentioned that I felt bad for his wolf Jack. No. No. No. JACK IS THE TRUE VILLAIN OF THIS STORY. Christian is literally being held by his crying mother while Jack is going "KILL HER, SHE TOOK YOUR MATE, SHES A LIAR, KILL HER" and I can't remember if Jack takes over or not but, Christian kills his mother and takes her body back to the witches to perform the ritual and btw the main witch basically makes it obvious she's judging the fuck out of him, literally looking him up and down like "so you actually did it" like yeah girl he's clearly fucking crazy

-knowing Christian is coming after her actually gives Natalia the courage to fully devote herself to her own happiness and she tells Zane to mark her THAT NIGHT (which means a lot since she's been refusing to be marked up to this point because of the trauma of Christian. It caused her horrible pain to break the bond and her mark faded in 3 days, so she got legitimately depressed "those years of love and promises, gone in just 3 days. What did it even mean. What was it even for")

-theres a B plot about like Zane's pack and family and how his mother is still alive and there's gonna be a war because one of the werewolf kings is evil, Zane's dad Sebastian killed the wife of one of his enemies, Toren Ravenstone, his enemy responded by killing Zane's mom, who, resurrected while her body was being brought back to Ravenstone for unknown reasons besides "the moon goddess must have had a plan" and she lost her memory and fell in love with the guy trying to get revenge, so Zane finds out not only is his mom alive but is like married to the man who technically killed her, and also that "Mr big evil villain" is actually way nicer and more chill to his mom than his father ever was

-I literally never brought this up because i was waiting for it to like actually be important but ages ago Natalia's witch friend who helped her deliver Dakota was like "just trust me, I need you and Kota to get on a plane, you're in danger, just trust me" and Zane, Natalia, and Dakota were flown to California where Aurora, protagonist of the first book and the Ivory Queen of the werewolves lives. It's been like idk over 20, 30 chapters and we still don't know why Gwen said they needed to come "because i cant tell you yet, just trust me". Like it's keeping them safe from Christian but like we've spent a quarter of the book in this gd palace and we still don't know why, it feels very plot convenience-y, im getting annoyed because at this point Aurora from book 1 is becoming a weird plot device "oh how convenient the protagonist from the first book is our friend now and she's also super cool and powerful"

(Edit, it really still isn't relevant yet. Apparently there's a plot twist that Natalia may not be 100% human and have fae-enchanted blood that protects her species from vampires and guess what emergency Gwen needed them to evacuate for. Vampires. But up to the most current chapter, it doesn't really play any part of the story)

-so the b plot with Zane is a little complicated. He's an Alpha heir but his father is an asshole and cast him out, demoted him to Omega before making him a rogue, and Zane was replaced by another heir and halfsibling, Caine, who HATES him because Caine's mom, well, stereotypical evil slut who came onto Zane who turned her down and she accused him of rape which his father knew wasn't true but let him be punished for anyways. So. Caine finds out he has a brother and he's alive and then finds out it's Zane, the accused rapist, and also hey before even knowing this information, his mom told him straight up "hey, KILL Zane actually? He's after your title as future alpha, you have to secure the right you have earned"

-so, Dakota has a nightmare that is vaguely implied to maybe be a premonition (edit: yeah lmao its later revealed to be actual visions) of "mommy getting hurt by a bad wolf and there was red water all over her" and to console him they try to take him to the park to see the butterflies and GETS SHOT AT, by Caine, who MISSES ZANE because hes a fucking idiot firing a revolver from a moving car, and hits Natalia, which at this point I'm thinking "are they gonna have to turn her to save her life"

-yes and no. While she's in, you know the injury coma, that's when the moon goddess has a chat with her, gives her a wolf and stuff

-in this series, all werewolves have unique gifts, it's some real like MHA Quirk bullshit sometimes. Zane is a mindreader/empath who can share memories and actually like mindcontrol people into obeying him, and other people do things like, turn into sand, create hallucinations, create illusions that can fight, it can be kind of dumb lmao kinda just reminding me of the werewolf alpha Bakugou x Reader thing I wanna write lol

-Zane's wolf Grayson doesn't fuck around fighting with Caine (Natalia isnt turned until after the fight so he's worried she's dying and can feel that she is through the bond). "Take that revolver and let's play Russian Routlette" except, you know, not taking the gun from him, using the mind control powers to make him pull the trigger until Caine is dead

-Natalia loses consciousness and enters this kind of dream where she thinks she's dead and her exact reaction is to be sad she can't be with Zane and Dakota anymore but "she can rest knowing her son had a father that will raise him with love" like she loves both of them so much 🥺❤️ like she actually thinks of that and it brings her so much peace she basically accepts her death like I'm crying?? What the fuck??? She's falling through the same black nothingness, breaking away into blue skies, and then falling into water and having to swim to the surface and finding herself in the middle of the lake with a voice calling her to the shore. And guess what. This is the exact same fever dream Vanessa had when she turned

-yeah, Natalia meets a silver wolf who takes her to the moon goddess herself. She doesn't realize who she's talking to amd basically tells her straight up she doesn't believe in fate, she makes her own fate, and moon goddess kind of drags out actually introducing herself. All wolves, the ones werewolves have at least, are vessels filled with souls and love created by the moon goddess personally. She basically handcrafts every wolf and every mate to every person's destiny and Natalia's just like "why did you let Christian hurt me then, I loved him and trusted him, and I trusted YOU" and reads her for filth and asks why she can't just leave her alone

-honestly moon goddess kind of personally encapsulates the pompous holy figure attitude "I do the best I can" fake apology bullshit that makes religion really crawl under my skin. She says she can try and teach the wolves but humans have free will and she can't control everything but like... her apology, which isn't an apology, is more self pitying about how it hurts her as a mother to see wolves suffer. She picked Natalia for Jack because she thought it would balance Jack's temper out (oh so Natalia has to be sacrificed to fix Jack's fucking problems???) but also she KNEW Christian was flawed and hoped he would change, and she also expected Jack to help protect the mate bond which he didn't, so im just sitting here like, why would you even create this sort of mate bond system if it is so flawed and easy to go wrong. Why are you dragging HUMANS into this if you're supposed to be the werewolves god.

-also it should be noted that she is apparently specifically the moon goddess from Greek mythology because they later bring up the goddess of night being her mother, and also the God of chaos and, basically there are multiple gods

Like ok. Look at it this way. Moon Goddess is kind of playing matchmaker but she doesn't know the eventual outcome. But she's also. Implementing soul magic bullshit which can literally manipulate your thoughts and feelings and then saying "oh but I can't keep things from going wrong, I can ONLY SLIGHTLY ROB YOU OF FREE WILL" like, you're basically kidnapping and brainwashing people and playing sanctimonious about it??? You're kind of forcing people to fall in love and then saying "oh sorry I made it where you literally feel like incredible lightning when you touch and even looking at him makes your brain mass produce dopamine but he turned out to be an abusive prick who never respected you, lmao my bad, let me give you another attempt at a mate as my apology" like no leave me alone actually? You're creepy? The mate bond has HORROR MOVIE potential???

-apparently there's a mandatory dress code in this magical dream world, which I'm theorizing is the moon goddess' realm, because both Vanessa and Natalia find themselves wearing white dresses in these dreams, and in book 1 Aurora had dreams where she entered a realm and wore white dresses but I can't go into that without spoiling some of book 1 💀

-after Natalia wakes up and spills what the MG told her, and mentions that the moon goddess mentioned her wolf was blessed by the goddess of night, the moon goddess' mother, and, Aurora investigates and goes to get Gwen who would know more about rhe Night Mother and, apparently Natalia is probably something called a Latum human, which is a human with special blood that was once enchanted by a fae to protect his human lover from vampires drinking their blood and basically created a new race of demihumans and Natalia is just now finding out she's not 100% "home grown organic human" and that even her wolf is unusual

-GIIIIIRL Natalia's wolf is a SLUT but like we get it. Her and Zane are marking each other because the b plot about Zanes old pack means he kinda lowkey has to go to war, and her wolf, Davina, is talking to Grayson, and he's all tongue-tied, and she says "do you not like my mark?"

"Well, y-yeah"

"Then why aren't I cumming yet?" And "This clit isn't going to lick itself" GIIIIRRRLLLLLL

-so anyways, Christian brings the now dead Kay back to the witches, his father is blowing up his phone because he "can't feel his mate" and can't find her and he's freaking out, he has no idea she's dead, and Christian is just emotionless like "wow I can't believe I did that. At least I get Natalia and Dakota back" meanwhile Jack has absolutely no remorse. So the witches complete the ritual and summons the God of Chaos, because, apparently, Kay's blood wasn't for the job itself, it was just to summon the God who will help, who communicates by possessing one of the witches

-the chaos God is a troll and is totally off their rocker. He's gonna help Christian but there's a new price now to actually DO the thing, and Chaos asks "what are you willing to give". Jack speaks up from inside of Christian and says "ANYTHING"

-MOTHERFUCKING CHAOS, this goddamn TROLL, takes JACK HIMSELF, PUTS HIM IN A MAGIC ROCK LIKE A POKEMON. Tells Christian "I took your wolf, bring your son and the medallion he will be wearing back to me by midnight or you'll NEVER get him back" and gives Christian the Jack-rock to hold onto. But also lmao, guess how he helps Christian find Natalia and Dakota. Touches his forehead and bro starts hearing VOICES who start trolling him but also telling him directions like they're basically like "turn right, MOMMYKILLER. You MOMMYKILLER, NEENER NEENER" like lmao they actually start driving him insane

-I shit you not, I shit you not, Christian is occasionally hallucinating because of the voices and looks at this hallucination of Dakota and Natalia that suddenly manifested in the backseat of his car and fake-Nat is cryiny and he thinks "for once I actually want to comfort her" bitch, what do you MEAN 'for ONCE'???? SO YOU BASICALLY DIDNT EVEN LIKE HER THAT MUCH ANYWAYS???? EVEN BEFORE SHE COULDNT CONCEIVE????

With every passing chapter that reveals what an even bigger piece of shit Christian is, I can't help but wonder how the moon goddess could have fucked up THIS badly, like now that Natalia is gone he is obsessed but even when reflecting on the past he acknowledges that he was basically ALWAYS a bastard to her.

-fucking loser ass Christian does all this shit to get his family back and you know what happens? He kidnaps Dakota from a play center and he doesn't even have a car seat for him, so he's laying Kota flat in the seat and buckling him in while the voices are literally jeering "child endangerment! We've got father of the year over here!" Which, agreed! You can kill your own mom but not get your toddler a car seat? idiot!!

-Christian takes the medallion back to Chaos and oh my god this guy's hilarious. He's like "oh yeah, to get your wolf back, just smahs the rock he's contained in and call out to him" and Christian is just like "wait do you mean I could have gotten him back at any time" and Chaos is like "LOL YEAH I WAS JUST FUCKING WITH YOU" LMAOOOOOO

-oh my god. Oh my gosh. I never saw this twist coming and its actually SO GOOD. Actually kind of scary too. Christian is calling out to Jack, and he just hears growling and laughing? And then??? JACK TAKES FULL CONTROL. CHRISTIAN GETS ACTUALLY FUCKING BODY SNATCHED, HIS SUBCONCIOUS THROWN INTO A MENTAL CAGE, AND JACK SAYS HE IS NEVER LETTING HIM OUT EVER AGAIN. Christian LITERALLY cannot do anything anymore, it's all Jack, in full control, and now that he has Dakota, he's coming for his Natalia, his mate, his Tiny

And that's kind of where the story is so far, with the side character who was babysitting Dakota, Agnes, being unconscious because Christian roofied her and is unable to tell Natalia that Dakota has been taken, meanwhile Zane is literally on an island in Ravenstone territory fighting CHEMICAL WARFARE with his father's pack. Definitely a nail biting cliffhanger and I hope there aren't too many more chapters to go 😩

[fruitmagazine]

ok oversharing story under this because i need to let out this and i have no one to told about and this is my diary😋

ok so the other day i had a "fight" with my mom and i mean it wasnt even a fight but all started because she was LIKE ALWAYS telling me story and with her narrative has to use to most hurtful adjectives against EVERYONE and at one point she was telling me how she stopped being someone's friend because they had an abortion and she told be how against she was about abortion and whatever she has made it so clear in the past so i didnt care much but then she started to talk about her OWN sister using again the most horrible adjectives against her and calling her a slut ans so and i was like 🤨🤨 but then out of nowhere she started to compare MY SISTER (HER OWN DAUGHTER) to my aunt and saying how she isnt her life right and god forbids one day she gets pregnant because it's obvious she is gonna abort and this is when i got MAD FOR REAL and i told her really careful because i know her and i know you can't really dialogue with her that all the things she was saying were not nice and i even told her that i KNEW she wasnt trying to be mean on purpose but she needed to stop saying things like that about my sister because she has hurt her before and even if she wanted to have sex with everyone it was her life and wasnt nothing wrong with that and even on that situation didnt meant she was gonna get pregnant and if she did WELL ABORTION IS NOT A SIN and omg....OMG BESTIES she acted like ive told her to kill herself like she told me that basically she couldnt tell us ANYTHING because we always judge her and she is from a different generation and we had no patience with her and AGAIN i try to really be careful with my words and told her that I KNEW and that she sometimes needed to also be more flexible and try to change her mind, be nicer about what she says and i told her that she in the past has told me and my sister terrible things and she doesnt even realize and thats fucked up but whatever AND SHE SNAPPED AGAIN lol she told me that nowadays she couldnt say anything and we were immature for talking things so PERSONALLY and that we needed to GROW UP AND MOVE ON 💀💀💀 she kept talking but at this point i was like about to cry and scream so i just looked at her and she told me "AND DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT MICHEL (she never calls me that 💀)" so all i did was to get up and leave because i KNOW i was gonna snap and i didnt wanna be mean, i'm letting out lots of things but i was never MEAN or yelled at her. anyways ive been avoiding her the last days because honestly i'm mad she is asking for respect but she has never given me respect, and i'm so mad about what she thinks about my sister and what she probably thinks about me like we are her daughters!!! but she has been acting like that whole conversation never happened and now she came and told "so you are gonna keep being mad and ignoring me? 😐 para ni hablarte" BDJDDK WHATTTTTT TELL ME IM CRAZY like it's my fault????!!! i just told her that she could interpret my silence as she wanted, but tell me seriously AM I THE BAD GUY HERE??!!! i don't think it's big of a deal but i'm tired of she treating me like what i think don't matter when i have lot of respect with her 😭😭😭😭

[milfbrainrot]

just reflecting on things i like abt the game so far as i mentally froth over it like a rabid animal

currently halfway through my second playthrough so.

healer

healer!!! in a world where so many of the characters are a bit suppressed or aren't encouraged to think very deeply, having a character who feels SO much and is SO honest makes her stand out beautifully. i also like how she seems to be doing some unethical experiments on the flipside lol, but in the name of keeping everyone safe because she has such a big burden on her shoulders.

i also just love how much she seeks out what's real in contrast to knower in some weird irony since... you'd think knower would be the one constantly going on about hard facts. healer wants watcher to be enraged because that's a watcher she can trust, whereas knower thinks there's no feeling worth being incinerated over so total suppression is key and seems to think status quo predictability (watcher being a her usual level of quiet, rather more quiet than usual?) is more trustworthy. both her and knower becoming experts in their craft means brushing up against crises of faith more than anyone, but knower sleeps fine at night about it... whereas healer struggles to understand what the purpose of the continual cloning and suffering is in the end.

she also seemed to have such an interesting dynamic with fixer--"you're not the only one who loved fixer"--and that note about her having been up on the roof once before, when fixer is the main one with access there.

i also love her dynamic with bbf, both having the weight of the orchard's safety on their shoulders.

mimi

mimi what the fuck. her relationship with iris is absolutely that of some type of grooming. she's so unabashedly manipulative. there was some gossip note about her and johnson fucking, which i think makes sense. they've got a really good dynamic of him being more ethical and along for the ride with his disgust, versus her delighting in every step closer they get--be it getting iris away from her parents and getting iris to trust her just as much as the actual scientific milestones. i love that she is only held back by needing iris to continually be on board... and johnson keeping her from the worst.

knower (this ended up falling into a lot of theorizing rather than canon recounting oops)

i appreciate her a lot more on second go, how much she values unemotional balance over revolution. in some ways i wonder if she's right and her approach has a place. but i also think if they didn't go to the surface the bunker would've given out sooner rather than later... and her 1984 torture moments were kinda fucking crazy and points to no one truly being safe because anyone could be collateral--though maybe she feels irreplaceable due to the depth of her knowledge and her outward loyalty. her backstory with the prior watcher fucks me up--no feeling worth being incinerated over.

there are a few hints throughout that she doesn't really believe iris is this grand powerful mythological figure who built the orchard alone or had a purpose for every detail of their existence, and i think that just stems from her researching so much in a logical way. it also seems like she understands enough to at least portray loyalty so she doesn't get incinerated like she may have witnessed past sisters to be... though i'm not sure if she understood just how terrified to be of the allmother's power until the communion. so if her motivation stems from both comfort AND fear, then her fear motivations could stem from the punishments she's witnessed, records of the ancient sin and its permeation, an understanding at least of the mob mentality around her, AND/OR what she may have learned from her watcher recounting communions.

i do like the theory that knower may be eldest, but i'm not sure about it. i imagine that the first eldest--if she didn't actually die the way the communion portrayed--would have also had a trait of cockroach-ness. so she would have had to die of the old age decline healer describes (which has yet to impact principal, likely because she is cloned from iris directly compared to the weaker genetic line of principal clones), she got on the train, or she died in such a way that our knower learned not to step out of line from her mistakes. i can't quite remember if the general population or records said what happened to the original 5 sisters beyond the ancient sin situation, and therefore if knower would have a memory of the very first knower's truthful fate or a mythological retelling? but i suppose if knower IS a principal clone, she would have died by now if she'd been around long enough to have met the initial sisters, so she's probably one of the oldest knowers but not the eldest... or she is the eldest and she came back/never left and just went with whatever principal said. after all, she does claim to be principal's favorite due to being allowed to ignore the train. (i would wonder if her power to refuse the train could come from blackmail--knowing things like the prior watcher's true fate, but this pattern for her seems to have stretched back a long time and she really is just a status quo upholder.) i guess one dent in the theory is there just... is those four grave markers in the waterfall, so principal was at least alone enough to mourn presumably the other four initial sisters.

also i really also love mauve's insane loyalty toward her lmao. knower treats people around her like pawns to an extent, and she was able to uphold the facade to mauve throughout a LOT--especially the interrogation scenes and having the other sisters whack her to believably been a victim of the raid too--which absolutely earned mauve's trust! i don't remember why mauve doubted enough to recognize knower ignoring(?) a particular alarm to be suspicious enough to check out the roof for herself, like if there had been a leadup to it or not. i think mauve was observer shell so her hard work stretches back forever and she's finally being rewarded for it. but i do love mauve being this faithful loyal knight realizing she'd been lied to by knower and then taking her own action for a better society because she's ALSO loyal to that... i think there is just also a personal level of betrayal too--not that her values were wrong, but that knower was lying and she didn't realize sooner.

it's not the same totally, but there is maybe something to how mauve goes behind knower's back similar to how knower goes behind principal's back. like, knower trained her to THINK too well (though i thought she maybe had been in watcher blue as a shell while also sticking around knower a lot?) and critical thought is a dangerous thing when you need unwavering loyalty. maybe she didn't think deeply enough to realize the details... and actually it is probably just a product of the society they had before too. for example, secretary warned watcher not to make any parallel toward herself and the ancient sister iirc because anything like that could get you incinerated. they probably had a culture of constantly analyzing who isn't TRULY loyal because you have to sniff that out and report it to protect you and your sisters from the sin returning, as well as the allmother's punishment for it. it's very culty lol so no wonder knower played it so safe for so long. if even fixer, a trusted shapen sister, could betray the allmother, then of course mauve would still be analyzing knower's actions despite all the Proof Of Loyalty she'd seen prior. still, if there was a watcher corpse in the courtyard that wasn't truly watcher, i wonder if that overlapped with mauve witnessing interrogations? because then she'd know that watcher's death was a lie and maybe then have some ideas about that, but to an infatuated little soldier she's only okay with lies as long as she's special enough to be privy to them.

speaking of, i love knower getting to be the Specialist Lieutenant in principal's regime. i wonder if she had the foresight to stick around long enough to have a ranked place in the orchard when disaster inevitably befell the other side, and maybe that, in addition to a lack of faith in the allmother, is why she never got on the train. she also probably stuck around because it's safe here, whereas if she WAS going to be fighting occupants directly on the other side that would put her in danger and she just wants a nice place to sleep at night. her loyalty wasn't fully legit, and i wonder how much principal ever realized that and even if some of it just stemmed from realizing the surface was their best bet rather than having morals lol, but her loyalty toward principal could have echoed principal's loyalty to the allmother... and maybe it still does, because principal betrayed the allmother like knower betrayed principal and then i guess like mauve betrayed knower. i have no idea if i'm making sense at this point, this game is like 5d intersecting nesting eggs.

principal

i guess i covered a lot above but i love how she's just... such a fucking loser. i mean, she's really skilled at what she becomes. but her centuries of angst over the allmother, always seeking her approval to the point of making an iris actor roleplay calling her a good girl on stage, is fucking insane and i love it. even after having iris killed she still craves her love.

i can't remember principal's motivations a ton rn because i'm not at that point yet in replaying, so i can't recall if her coup was motivated by iris speaking to occupants (if that had been a secret to her?) or vengeance or a feeling that it's her turn to be in power fully or a need for iris to die so she could finally let go or whateverrr. idk how much of the watcher communions she witnessed but presumably she has seen it all given she has her own fragment, vice, and rewrote a bunch. but whatever it was, crazy girlboss behavior pulling the strings so hard, and it makes sense she was so capable of it because she was a watcher once too.

i sorta compared knower-principal to principal-allmother but i think a more accurate comparison is principal's jiao-principal to principal-allmother. i wish we'd gotten more on that jiao clone... maybe she got all the jiao loyalty genes or went along because she's a jiao finally getting such intense "iris" approval. but idk, i find it interesting she managed to trust that clone to keep her close enough for all this, maybe because it was principal's doing that got the jiao clone program kickstarted so jiao kinda owes her etc. the other jiao clones seem way more pissed off lmao but i think it makes sense for them to each have different traits of the original jiao.

-

i had more to say abt other characters or dynamics but i think i have typed way too much already i'm going to go back to sleep lmao. don't take any of this as canon certainty. i have a lot of thoughts but also i'm really stupid.